Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
0
00:00:00,00 --> 00:00:30,00
.:: fmovies.to ::.
Free Online Movies
1
00:01:04,550 --> 00:01:06,257
What's up? I'm Brüno.
2
00:01:08,050 --> 00:01:13,549
I live in Austria's coolest city, Vienna.
No big deal. Whatever.
3
00:01:14,884 --> 00:01:17,382
I am the host of Funkyzeit,
4
00:01:17,467 --> 00:01:22,549
the most important TV fashion show
in any German-speaking country,
5
00:01:23,092 --> 00:01:24,591
apart from Germany.
6
00:01:29,425 --> 00:01:32,008
Funkyzeit is
über influential.
7
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:37,924
In fact, Austrian fashionistas live their
lives according to my "In or Out" list.
8
00:01:38,216 --> 00:01:40,340
In! Autism.
9
00:01:40,425 --> 00:01:41,674
Aus. Chlamydia.
10
00:01:42,842 --> 00:01:46,215
Why is autism
so cool at the moment?
11
00:01:46,341 --> 00:01:48,966
Because it's funny.
Great.
12
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,466
Through Funkyzeit,
ich have done interviews
13
00:01:52,550 --> 00:01:55,340
mit everyone in
the Euro-fashion world.
14
00:01:55,425 --> 00:01:57,632
Can you look into
this camera and just say,
15
00:01:57,717 --> 00:02:00,382
"You're watching
Funkyzeit mit Brüno"?
16
00:02:00,467 --> 00:02:05,382
You are watching Funkyzeit program with
Brüno, and it's really a great show.
17
00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:09,215
Yeah, that's cool. Can you do it, like,
even more like a kind of black guy?
18
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:10,299
You know,
like an afrikanischer...
19
00:02:10,383 --> 00:02:11,799
Like this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20
00:02:11,884 --> 00:02:15,799
You are watching Funkyzeit
program with Brüno.
21
00:02:15,884 --> 00:02:19,299
Yo, man. Fuck, man.
Welcome to the jungle.
22
00:02:19,925 --> 00:02:21,008
Something maybe
a bit more crazy.
23
00:02:21,092 --> 00:02:23,591
Maybe show a bit of skin
or something like that.
24
00:02:23,717 --> 00:02:27,632
No, I don't think so. Or what
about just like one Kugelsack?
25
00:02:27,717 --> 00:02:29,174
One of the balls?
26
00:02:29,592 --> 00:02:30,632
No.
27
00:02:31,175 --> 00:02:34,883
And the most exciting and
amazing thing in the town,
28
00:02:34,967 --> 00:02:40,174
from the fashion streets of Milan, only
for the German girls, my great hairs.
29
00:02:40,258 --> 00:02:41,549
Yo, man.
30
00:02:45,009 --> 00:02:47,382
Modeling, a lot of people
think it's easy.
31
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:50,132
But it's the hardest job
in the world, isn't it?
32
00:02:50,216 --> 00:02:54,758
It's very hard. Standing in heels all
day, and everyone's watching you,
33
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,591
so you have to make sure
your walk is good. And, yeah.
34
00:02:57,675 --> 00:02:59,799
Yeah, it's really hard, 'cause
you've gotta remember, like,
35
00:02:59,884 --> 00:03:03,132
to put your right leg forward and
then put your left leg forward
36
00:03:03,216 --> 00:03:04,924
and then, like,
which one now?
37
00:03:05,009 --> 00:03:07,382
Right leg again, and then,
like, the left one.
38
00:03:07,467 --> 00:03:09,215
And then sometimes
you even have to turn.
39
00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:14,049
Yeah. And especially
the turn. It's so scary.
40
00:03:15,133 --> 00:03:19,758
Being the host from Funkyzeit means
Brüno's always seated on the front row.
41
00:03:21,092 --> 00:03:22,883
Hi. How are you?
42
00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:24,382
You have to lose
some weight.
43
00:03:24,467 --> 00:03:27,174
The kettle is calling the pot black.
Oh, yeah?
44
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:33,340
Put your shoulders back. This is a
fashion show, not a slave auction.
45
00:03:35,675 --> 00:03:38,549
Mein personal
assistant, Kookus, is my rock.
46
00:03:39,425 --> 00:03:40,841
He's also mein stylist.
47
00:03:41,050 --> 00:03:43,883
Do you think the glasses are too much?
Yeah, I'd lose them.
48
00:03:43,967 --> 00:03:45,299
They're too much like,
"Look at me.
49
00:03:45,383 --> 00:03:47,424
"Hey, everybody, look at me.
Look at my glasses."
50
00:03:47,550 --> 00:03:49,174
Yeah. "Everybody, like,
stare at my glasses."
51
00:03:49,258 --> 00:03:51,215
He's also
my nutritionist.
52
00:03:51,675 --> 00:03:53,466
Yeah, that is good.
53
00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:57,841
I have a second assistant,
but ich can't remember its name.
54
00:03:58,550 --> 00:04:01,549
Brüno has known true love
twice in his life.
55
00:04:01,633 --> 00:04:05,674
Once, for seven minutes with
Milli from Milli und Vanilli.
56
00:04:05,759 --> 00:04:06,799
No big deal. Whatever.
57
00:04:07,633 --> 00:04:12,215
But for the last nine years, ich
have been head über heels in love
58
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:15,549
mit a pygmy flight
attendant called Diesel.
59
00:04:16,175 --> 00:04:20,799
We're just like an ordinary couple,
you know, boring, stay-at-home types.
60
00:04:45,967 --> 00:04:50,132
Oh, my God. I feel it. You're
getting so big. Ja.
61
00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:53,632
Ooh!
62
00:04:53,717 --> 00:04:57,382
How much do you want? Just half a glass.
Otherwise I get too giggly.
63
00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:00,758
In September 2008,
64
00:05:01,008 --> 00:05:03,007
I left for Milan Fashion Week
65
00:05:03,091 --> 00:05:05,841
to shoot a new season
of Funkyzeit.
66
00:05:06,550 --> 00:05:11,716
Brüno had backstage access for the
hottest show of the week, de la Prada.
67
00:05:12,133 --> 00:05:18,132
So I wore the jewel of mein wardrobe,
a suit made entirely out of Velcro.
68
00:05:32,717 --> 00:05:33,799
I'm wearing this.
69
00:05:33,884 --> 00:05:37,674
This is a prototype. It's a Velcro
suit made by Frederic Worms.
70
00:05:37,759 --> 00:05:38,758
Wow.
Pretty cool, right?
71
00:05:38,842 --> 00:05:42,090
It is. I was looking at it,
and can I have one?
72
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:44,674
Well, it's a prototype.
It's a one-off. Okay.
73
00:05:44,759 --> 00:05:46,424
Thank you.
Yeah. Okay...
74
00:05:46,508 --> 00:05:47,883
Also... Yeah.
Can you go out, please?
75
00:05:47,966 --> 00:05:49,132
We'll get out,
but don't push me.
76
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:52,883
Yeah. Okay, no listen. We
haven't finished the thing.
77
00:05:52,966 --> 00:05:54,132
You go out now.
Yeah.
78
00:05:54,216 --> 00:05:55,549
Yeah, wait a second.
79
00:05:57,759 --> 00:05:59,382
Take... Get this off...
80
00:06:00,675 --> 00:06:01,674
Stop!
81
00:06:10,008 --> 00:06:11,758
Thank you. Can someone
help this guy?
82
00:06:11,842 --> 00:06:13,257
Can you take...
83
00:06:19,924 --> 00:06:24,007
Wait. Get me out of this.
Get me out of this.
84
00:06:45,341 --> 00:06:47,466
Brüno was aus.
85
00:06:49,258 --> 00:06:51,424
For the second time
in a century,
86
00:06:51,550 --> 00:06:54,799
the world had turned
on Austria's greatest man
87
00:06:55,175 --> 00:06:58,716
just because he was brave
enough to try something new.
88
00:06:59,592 --> 00:07:01,007
No.
Okay.
89
00:07:01,216 --> 00:07:03,215
Brüno was
schwarz-listed.
90
00:07:03,383 --> 00:07:06,174
I'm on the front row.
I don't think so.
91
00:07:13,091 --> 00:07:14,132
I'm sorry.
92
00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:22,674
Und worst of all...
93
00:07:22,758 --> 00:07:23,799
Hello?
94
00:07:25,008 --> 00:07:27,340
...ich was fired
from Funkyzeit.
95
00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:36,716
Ich realized that night that the fashion
world was superficial und vacuous.
96
00:07:38,717 --> 00:07:44,299
So, I decided instead to go to Los
Angeles to become a celebrity.
97
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:52,215
Ich was going to be the biggest
Austrian superstar since Hitler.
98
00:07:54,133 --> 00:07:55,923
What? I'm not coming.
99
00:07:56,508 --> 00:08:01,174
Why not? Because you out.
You humiliate me.
100
00:08:01,675 --> 00:08:04,716
I'm so sorry I humiliate you.
Okay. Gotta go.
101
00:08:05,883 --> 00:08:07,757
Bye, baby,
I love you.
102
00:08:07,841 --> 00:08:10,716
Diesel,
I love you. Diesel.
103
00:09:00,341 --> 00:09:02,007
Ich arrived in LA
104
00:09:02,091 --> 00:09:06,382
und cunningly avoided being
snapped by the waiting paparazzi.
105
00:09:06,467 --> 00:09:10,716
No photos, please. Do you
want another Diana on your hands?
106
00:09:13,966 --> 00:09:18,591
Mein Plan was to become the biggest
gay movie star since Schwarzenegger.
107
00:09:18,799 --> 00:09:20,632
Maximum Santzgaut!
108
00:09:21,508 --> 00:09:26,382
Also, ich headed to my first meeting
mit a Hollywood über agent.
109
00:09:27,341 --> 00:09:30,132
So my name's Brüno.
I was born in Klagenfurt.
110
00:09:30,216 --> 00:09:35,549
I'm 19 years old. And, of course, you'll
know me as the host of Funkyzeit.
111
00:09:35,757 --> 00:09:38,798
Okay. Well, I understand that
you took a look at a side
112
00:09:38,883 --> 00:09:42,257
that I wanted you to think about
from the Jerry Maguire show.
113
00:09:42,341 --> 00:09:45,174
And I wouldn't mind
hearing you try that out.
114
00:09:45,258 --> 00:09:46,674
Okay, great.
115
00:09:50,383 --> 00:09:52,132
"Jerry enters."
No.
116
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:54,756
"Dorothy seated." Just start
with the word "hello."
117
00:09:55,216 --> 00:09:57,382
"Hello. Hello.
118
00:09:58,425 --> 00:10:00,382
"I'm looking for my wife!
119
00:10:02,216 --> 00:10:05,424
"Shut up, women." That
was improvisation. Fine.
120
00:10:06,049 --> 00:10:10,257
"I couldn't hear your voice
or laugh about it with you."
121
00:10:29,550 --> 00:10:30,965
All right, let me stop... Wait.
No, wait, wait. I...
122
00:10:31,049 --> 00:10:34,466
Let me stop for two minutes.
Let me stop you right there.
123
00:10:34,674 --> 00:10:37,299
Nowhere in the script
does it say
124
00:10:37,674 --> 00:10:41,715
he pauses for
an inordinate period of time.
125
00:10:42,633 --> 00:10:46,882
You're here because you are
looking to do feature films.
126
00:10:46,966 --> 00:10:48,382
I wanna be a star.
127
00:10:48,550 --> 00:10:51,048
In?
In a huge Hollywood movie.
128
00:10:52,757 --> 00:10:54,466
Can you make that happen? No.
129
00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:55,756
What?
I definitely cannot.
130
00:10:56,133 --> 00:11:01,507
But he did get me a starring
role in a top TV show as an extra.
131
00:11:04,216 --> 00:11:06,923
All right, picture's next.
Last looks, please.
132
00:11:07,674 --> 00:11:09,048
Yep. A mark.
133
00:11:10,467 --> 00:11:11,507
Set.
134
00:11:11,592 --> 00:11:13,215
- Background.
- Action.
135
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,299
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,
136
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:19,591
it gives me no pleasure at all
to speak to you this afternoon.
137
00:11:21,716 --> 00:11:23,631
The defendant,
as you know,
138
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:29,257
has served our municipality for more
than 12 years as city controller.
139
00:11:29,341 --> 00:11:32,549
Oh. So I was pained to
learn that his debts
140
00:11:32,632 --> 00:11:37,840
compelled him to accept hundreds
of thousands of dollars in bribes.
141
00:11:38,216 --> 00:11:41,215
Cut!
Just do a little bit less.
142
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:42,882
More or less?
Less.
143
00:11:43,258 --> 00:11:44,715
Less. Okay.
Yeah.
144
00:11:44,883 --> 00:11:46,507
Sure. Thank you.
145
00:11:50,632 --> 00:11:51,840
- Set.
- Action.
146
00:11:51,924 --> 00:11:53,007
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,
147
00:11:53,091 --> 00:11:56,257
I'm afraid it gives me no pleasure at
all to speak to you this afternoon.
148
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,798
As you know, the defendant has served
our municipality as city controller
149
00:11:59,883 --> 00:12:01,299
for more than 12 years,
150
00:12:01,799 --> 00:12:06,048
and I have known him personally
for most of that time.
151
00:12:08,383 --> 00:12:10,673
So I was very pained
to learn that
152
00:12:10,757 --> 00:12:14,466
his personal debts compelled
him to accept bribes.
153
00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:15,882
Cut! Here,
I'll take that.
154
00:12:15,966 --> 00:12:17,132
Okay.
Thank you.
155
00:12:19,425 --> 00:12:20,466
Sorry.
156
00:12:20,550 --> 00:12:22,132
- Should we just go again?
- Okay.
157
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:25,382
As you know,
the defendant
158
00:12:26,757 --> 00:12:29,882
has served this municipality as city
controller for more than 12 years,
159
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:34,631
and I have personally known
him for most of that time.
160
00:12:34,716 --> 00:12:37,132
That is why I was
very pained to learn...
161
00:12:37,216 --> 00:12:40,756
Cut. Sorry, I'm not feeling this one.
Could we go again?
162
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:42,631
This way.
163
00:13:00,883 --> 00:13:02,965
You were actually
my second choice.
164
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:08,882
I was going to go to the salon that
maintains Salma Hayek's inner thighs,
165
00:13:09,632 --> 00:13:13,299
but the team that do it were
booked up for the next four days
166
00:13:13,383 --> 00:13:15,174
because she's got
the Elle Style Awards.
167
00:13:15,549 --> 00:13:19,673
And they said they're, like, really,
really exhausted after they do her.
168
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:22,631
They're exhausted
after they wax Salma Hayek?
169
00:13:22,716 --> 00:13:24,715
She must have
a lot of hair.
170
00:13:24,799 --> 00:13:28,590
They say that after a waxing,
there's enough to stuff a mattress.
171
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:32,631
Well. Speaking of rectums,
let's get you clean.
172
00:13:33,216 --> 00:13:35,715
Okay. There we go.
There's not much.
173
00:13:35,841 --> 00:13:36,840
Yeah, sure.
174
00:13:39,674 --> 00:13:41,631
Telephone.
175
00:13:41,716 --> 00:13:43,882
Hello?
Hey, how you doing, man?
176
00:13:43,966 --> 00:13:45,631
Lloyd, hi.
How are you?
177
00:13:45,716 --> 00:13:48,715
I just got off the phone with the network.
They've agreed to do a screening.
178
00:13:48,799 --> 00:13:51,798
Great! Das is all
maximum Santzgaut!
179
00:13:51,883 --> 00:13:55,715
In two days. I got them to pay
for a focus group for the show.
180
00:13:55,799 --> 00:13:57,590
I think you just
scraped my anus.
181
00:13:57,674 --> 00:13:59,048
I did.
I got you clean.
182
00:13:59,258 --> 00:14:01,631
My stinker is slightly burning.
Is that normal?
183
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:02,756
What?
184
00:14:02,841 --> 00:14:05,965
No, that was to the lady who is...
I'm in the salon, yes.
185
00:14:06,049 --> 00:14:07,965
She's just washing
my Arschwitz.
186
00:14:08,049 --> 00:14:11,340
Is there any way we can get something
together enough to put it on?
187
00:14:11,425 --> 00:14:13,715
Okay, sure. All right. I'm
gonna call them right now.
188
00:14:13,883 --> 00:14:15,548
Are you using Vaseline?
189
00:14:15,632 --> 00:14:16,756
No, lotion.
190
00:14:16,841 --> 00:14:19,548
Could you take your finger
out of my Arschenholer?
191
00:14:20,049 --> 00:14:22,299
All right. I think,
guys, we're finished.
192
00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:25,382
Once again, "Can you take my finger,
your finger out of my ass,"
193
00:14:25,466 --> 00:14:27,007
is what the guy
just said on the phone.
194
00:14:27,091 --> 00:14:30,007
No, Lloyd, I was not speaking to you.
I was just talking to the woman here.
195
00:14:30,091 --> 00:14:31,340
Who's got the audio?
196
00:14:32,425 --> 00:14:34,715
I want to hear the audio back.
I want you to hear...
197
00:14:34,799 --> 00:14:36,923
I want you to hear
what this fool is saying.
198
00:14:37,008 --> 00:14:40,048
Play it back. Talking about what?
His asshole.
199
00:15:05,841 --> 00:15:07,798
Can you be quiet?
200
00:15:10,341 --> 00:15:12,673
Hello, hello. Hey,
can you come in?
201
00:15:19,382 --> 00:15:20,923
Hi. How are you?
Hi.
202
00:15:21,049 --> 00:15:24,007
I'm Brüno. Great to have you here.
It's nice to meet you.
203
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:25,715
Come and sit on
our great furniture.
204
00:15:29,549 --> 00:15:32,007
These are our
Mexican chair people.
205
00:15:32,674 --> 00:15:35,048
Demi Moore has
two of them in her house.
206
00:15:35,382 --> 00:15:36,798
Yeah, if you sit here.
207
00:15:38,008 --> 00:15:39,631
If you sit on that one.
208
00:15:41,175 --> 00:15:46,132
Also, so tell me
about your humanitarian work.
209
00:15:46,216 --> 00:15:49,548
How important is it for you
to help other people?
210
00:15:51,091 --> 00:15:53,673
Helping other people
is so vital to my life.
211
00:15:54,341 --> 00:15:58,715
It's like the air that I breathe
and the water that I drink.
212
00:15:59,216 --> 00:16:03,339
Please, have some water. It is
extremely, extremely important for me.
213
00:16:03,424 --> 00:16:06,840
You give love to other people and
you get love back in spades.
214
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:09,048
And I just feel like
that's been my life.
215
00:16:09,757 --> 00:16:12,465
Great. You must be hungry.
Let's bring in some food.
216
00:16:13,674 --> 00:16:15,215
Oh, my God.
217
00:16:16,258 --> 00:16:18,007
- Have some.
- Yeah, this is really bad for me.
218
00:16:18,091 --> 00:16:20,548
I'm sorry.
This is really not good.
219
00:16:20,632 --> 00:16:22,132
We're leaving.
220
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:25,381
Come back, please.
Can you please come back?
221
00:16:31,216 --> 00:16:34,882
Yes, yes, I understand.
But I was thinking...
222
00:16:36,549 --> 00:16:39,506
Okay, but...
Okay. Okay. Okay.
223
00:16:39,757 --> 00:16:41,257
Yes. Thank you.
224
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,174
Minimum Santzgaut.
225
00:16:53,091 --> 00:16:54,464
Puffy Vater?
226
00:16:56,591 --> 00:16:57,923
Reese Witterspinzel?
227
00:16:59,049 --> 00:17:00,174
Stevie Wunderbar?
228
00:17:02,258 --> 00:17:03,590
Wilhelm Schmidt?
229
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:06,715
Bradolf Pittler?
230
00:17:26,507 --> 00:17:29,256
I think this focus group
is really gonna be
231
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,298
a very interesting example
of how it's gonna play out.
232
00:17:32,382 --> 00:17:35,381
I actually got an interview
mit Harrison Ford.
233
00:17:35,591 --> 00:17:38,048
Oh. Very good. Very good. Yes.
234
00:17:38,133 --> 00:17:40,965
So, you probably already know, today we're
going to be looking at a new TV show,
235
00:17:41,049 --> 00:17:43,923
A-List Celebrity Max Out
mit Brüno.
236
00:17:44,216 --> 00:17:46,923
Howdy, I'm Lloyd Robinson.
Lloyd, Denny Bond.
237
00:17:47,008 --> 00:17:48,756
Hi. Hi. Great.
238
00:17:48,841 --> 00:17:52,298
Me und Lloyd, we haven't actually
spoke since the other day
239
00:17:52,382 --> 00:17:55,007
when I was getting
my anus bleached.
240
00:17:57,799 --> 00:17:59,007
We won't go there,
please.
241
00:17:59,091 --> 00:18:00,882
We won't go there. Yeah.
That was a very
242
00:18:00,966 --> 00:18:02,381
difficult issue
on the phone.
243
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,631
And it's very important
what scores you give it,
244
00:18:04,716 --> 00:18:07,132
because if the show
scores over an 85%,
245
00:18:07,215 --> 00:18:10,174
the network's obviously gonna be
very interested. So take a look.
246
00:18:10,883 --> 00:18:12,423
Absolutely.
Congratulations.
247
00:18:13,091 --> 00:18:17,381
Who's ready to max out
with loads of celebrities? I am.
248
00:18:18,008 --> 00:18:22,214
Because das ist
A-List Celebrity Max Out.
249
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,756
How are you? Great.
Thank you for having me.
250
00:18:38,841 --> 00:18:40,298
Okay, so this is
the part of the show,
251
00:18:40,382 --> 00:18:42,798
it's called Future Kinder.
People who are pregnant,
252
00:18:42,883 --> 00:18:44,506
we've managed to get
the ultrasound photos.
253
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:45,631
It's totally great.
Okay.
254
00:18:45,716 --> 00:18:49,256
Okay, it is Britney's sister. I
can't even remember her name.
255
00:18:49,382 --> 00:18:51,090
What's her name?
Jamie Lynn.
256
00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:54,464
Jamie Lynn Spears. I mean,
is she a celebrity? No.
257
00:18:57,507 --> 00:19:01,132
Okay, let's see what she's
got in her stomach.
258
00:19:02,049 --> 00:19:05,048
All right. What do you think there?
Is that a white-trash fetus?
259
00:19:05,133 --> 00:19:06,506
Yeah. Totally.
260
00:19:06,591 --> 00:19:08,798
She's got her arms up
like she's a A-lister.
261
00:19:08,883 --> 00:19:12,298
Newsflash, you're in a C-lister's womb.
Am I right?
262
00:19:12,382 --> 00:19:14,298
Worse. I think, like, D.
263
00:19:14,507 --> 00:19:16,298
Do you think
this kid is retarded?
264
00:19:16,549 --> 00:19:18,339
Definitely the hands
look way too big,
265
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:20,756
and the ears, like,
have not been developed yet.
266
00:19:20,841 --> 00:19:23,882
Yeah, so keep it or abort it?
Abort it.
267
00:19:26,049 --> 00:19:30,548
Und now, my exclusive
interview mit Harrison Ford
268
00:19:31,465 --> 00:19:36,548
is only moments away. But first,
some more dancing mit Brüno.
269
00:19:46,883 --> 00:19:50,423
That's right. It's the time
you've all been waiting for.
270
00:19:50,632 --> 00:19:57,256
It's my one-on-one, exclusive
interview mit Harrison Ford.
271
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:00,923
Also, here I am mit Harrison Ford.
Fuck off!
272
00:20:04,382 --> 00:20:05,590
What's that?
273
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,007
That's actually mine.
274
00:20:20,757 --> 00:20:22,423
More champagne?
No, I'm fine, thanks.
275
00:20:26,966 --> 00:20:28,048
Brüno!
276
00:20:33,757 --> 00:20:35,548
The end bit
was Lloyd's idea.
277
00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:38,173
The last bit was?
Lloyd's?
278
00:20:40,716 --> 00:20:44,007
So if you could describe
this show in one sentence...
279
00:20:44,382 --> 00:20:46,256
Can anybody give me
one sentence?
280
00:20:46,382 --> 00:20:49,048
Go ahead. The worst piece
of crap I have ever seen.
281
00:20:49,257 --> 00:20:51,965
There's always one
who's against it. Those...
282
00:20:52,048 --> 00:20:53,423
In any group,
there's always one.
283
00:20:53,632 --> 00:20:56,548
What sick human being came
up with something like this?
284
00:20:56,632 --> 00:20:58,965
Well, there's always two.
There's always two.
285
00:20:59,048 --> 00:21:02,007
I wanted to poke my eyes
out with hot needles.
286
00:21:02,090 --> 00:21:04,089
You'd have to borrow
the needles from me.
287
00:21:04,674 --> 00:21:06,131
Lloyd, we need
to distract him
288
00:21:06,215 --> 00:21:07,715
from listening to this.
You can't. You can't.
289
00:21:07,841 --> 00:21:09,339
We need to distract him.
You can't.
290
00:21:09,424 --> 00:21:10,631
Kiss me.
No.
291
00:21:10,716 --> 00:21:13,798
No logical person would
consider a show like this
292
00:21:13,883 --> 00:21:17,840
unless they had some sort of
a mental or moral defect.
293
00:21:18,257 --> 00:21:19,506
Everything.
294
00:21:22,966 --> 00:21:23,965
Oh, my God.
295
00:21:24,382 --> 00:21:26,047
Let me have
a look at those.
296
00:21:26,132 --> 00:21:29,214
"The host is
a talentless idiot."
297
00:21:29,799 --> 00:21:32,381
Is this the dancing
of a talentless idiot?
298
00:21:36,215 --> 00:21:37,548
- I would say that it is.
- Yeah, yeah.
299
00:21:37,883 --> 00:21:39,214
Please,
where you going?
300
00:21:39,299 --> 00:21:42,214
Please, this is my career.
I put all my money into this.
301
00:22:19,591 --> 00:22:22,631
I'm here with
Congressman Ron Paul,
302
00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:25,840
who was the 2008
presidential candidate.
303
00:22:26,883 --> 00:22:29,506
So tell me,
who are you wearing?
304
00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:33,381
Well, I don't even know because
it's pretty conventional.
305
00:22:33,465 --> 00:22:36,715
And I'm pretty, in that
sense, pretty ordinary.
306
00:22:36,799 --> 00:22:38,756
But the message is
not ordinary.
307
00:22:44,716 --> 00:22:45,840
Sure.
308
00:22:54,257 --> 00:22:57,089
Do you want some champagne?
I don't care for any. No.
309
00:22:57,174 --> 00:23:00,131
There's no ice bucket, but I
know a good place to put it.
310
00:23:02,007 --> 00:23:05,423
Yeah, you were great in there. Have
you done a lot of television before?
311
00:23:06,257 --> 00:23:09,631
Well, off and on throughout the years.
This last year, a tremendous amount.
312
00:23:09,716 --> 00:23:11,381
Sure.
I do a lot of them.
313
00:23:11,965 --> 00:23:13,423
Do you want
some strawberries
314
00:23:13,507 --> 00:23:15,798
or maybe some oysters?
No, I'm okay.
315
00:23:16,048 --> 00:23:18,256
I'm gonna light some
candles if it's okay.
316
00:23:19,716 --> 00:23:21,256
Really loosens you up.
317
00:23:23,007 --> 00:23:25,715
Has anyone ever told you you
look like Enrique Iglesias?
318
00:23:26,424 --> 00:23:27,673
Mmm-mmm.
319
00:23:28,257 --> 00:23:30,381
Of course not.
You're much cuter.
320
00:23:36,549 --> 00:23:37,548
I love music.
321
00:23:39,757 --> 00:23:41,881
And dancing.
I used to be a dancer.
322
00:23:58,048 --> 00:23:59,339
Whoops.
323
00:24:01,340 --> 00:24:03,798
All right! Get out of here!
What?
324
00:24:04,507 --> 00:24:06,381
- All right, this has ended.
- What's going on?
325
00:24:06,841 --> 00:24:11,131
That guy is queerer than the blazes.
He took his clothes off. Let's get going.
326
00:24:11,299 --> 00:24:13,381
What happened?
He's queer. He's crazy.
327
00:24:13,465 --> 00:24:15,298
He put a hit on me.
He took his clothes off.
328
00:24:15,382 --> 00:24:16,756
I couldn't even
schtupp RuPaul.
329
00:24:18,549 --> 00:24:20,673
How would I
become weltfamous?
330
00:24:20,965 --> 00:24:25,047
Ich decided to seek advice from
the wisest guy I'd ever known.
331
00:24:25,215 --> 00:24:27,256
I wanna speak to Milli
332
00:24:27,340 --> 00:24:30,464
from the pop dance group
Milli und Vanilli.
333
00:24:31,549 --> 00:24:36,381
Is he in heaven? And if so, is
he in the VIP section there?
334
00:24:39,882 --> 00:24:43,298
He says he's in a place with
green trees and flowers.
335
00:24:44,007 --> 00:24:47,214
Can I ask him if he has
any advice for me?
336
00:24:51,090 --> 00:24:54,423
He says there's some sort of
thing that you will set up,
337
00:24:54,507 --> 00:24:56,881
like a foundation
or something,
338
00:24:56,965 --> 00:25:00,381
where there will be other people
involved that will benefit.
339
00:25:00,923 --> 00:25:03,548
Okay, that's a great idea,
'cause if I do that,
340
00:25:03,632 --> 00:25:06,214
then I'll definitely
become world famous.
341
00:25:06,507 --> 00:25:07,631
Absolutely.
342
00:25:07,716 --> 00:25:11,673
There's something that he could do
that could make me incredibly happy.
343
00:25:12,299 --> 00:25:14,256
Can I kiss him now?
Of course.
344
00:26:33,549 --> 00:26:35,214
Well, good luck
with your life.
345
00:26:36,881 --> 00:26:39,797
Thanks to Milli,
ich could now see clearly
346
00:26:39,881 --> 00:26:42,172
despite having
an eyeful of Schpunken.
347
00:26:42,549 --> 00:26:45,506
Charity was a great way
to become famous.
348
00:26:46,048 --> 00:26:51,089
Also, Brüno just needed to find
the hottest world tragedy to fix.
349
00:26:51,173 --> 00:26:54,256
I want a charity that doesn't
involve too much effort,
350
00:26:54,340 --> 00:26:58,714
but is gonna really make a difference,
you know, really put me into the A-list.
351
00:26:59,048 --> 00:27:02,089
Is there something that you,
like, that you believe in?
352
00:27:02,173 --> 00:27:03,797
Well, I'm really
into issues.
353
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,880
Yeah. Global warming's
only getting worse.
354
00:27:06,965 --> 00:27:07,964
So...
Great.
355
00:27:08,048 --> 00:27:10,631
Now, I think that would be... That's
something to get involved now,
356
00:27:10,715 --> 00:27:14,631
so, we can just
help ease the...
357
00:27:14,715 --> 00:27:17,880
Like, after us, in order
to help for our future.
358
00:27:17,965 --> 00:27:21,839
In order for everyone... It's just a
beneficial thing to be involved with now.
359
00:27:22,382 --> 00:27:25,339
I'm really into doing
something maybe for Africa.
360
00:27:25,424 --> 00:27:27,423
Okay.
Is that still cool or...
361
00:27:27,507 --> 00:27:32,047
Saving some kind of extinct animal.
What's going extinct right now?
362
00:27:32,424 --> 00:27:34,672
I don't know, like elephants or something.
And then make bracelets?
363
00:27:34,756 --> 00:27:38,131
That's so bad. Never mind. I was
gonna say make bracelets out of a...
364
00:27:38,215 --> 00:27:41,089
Make bracelets out of
the extinct animal?
365
00:27:41,173 --> 00:27:43,423
That's not gonna really work
though, because you need the...
366
00:27:43,507 --> 00:27:45,755
You can't take
from the extinct animal.
367
00:27:49,382 --> 00:27:52,964
What's the coolest type of charity
to get into at the moment?
368
00:27:54,382 --> 00:27:56,131
Save Dafar?
369
00:27:56,965 --> 00:27:58,339
Save what?
Save Dafar.
370
00:27:58,424 --> 00:28:00,089
Save Dafar, yeah.
Angelina Jolie.
371
00:28:00,173 --> 00:28:02,464
Is that in, like, Iraqi
or something like that?
372
00:28:02,549 --> 00:28:04,548
Yeah, that's in the...
It's in... Yeah.
373
00:28:04,631 --> 00:28:05,630
Yeah.
374
00:28:05,715 --> 00:28:10,298
Is there anywhere in the world that
no celebrity has tried to fix?
375
00:28:10,382 --> 00:28:12,464
Darfur is the big one now.
376
00:28:12,591 --> 00:28:15,089
Yeah, no, it is. What's the new one?
What's Dar-five?
377
00:28:15,340 --> 00:28:16,423
Yeah.
Yeah.
378
00:28:17,798 --> 00:28:22,047
Ich was going to become
famous by solving a world problem.
379
00:28:22,132 --> 00:28:23,172
But which one?
380
00:28:23,923 --> 00:28:25,590
Clooney's got Darfur.
381
00:28:25,673 --> 00:28:29,630
Sting's got the Amazon,
and Bono's got AIDS.
382
00:28:30,715 --> 00:28:34,381
Luckily, there was still
one shithole left to fix,
383
00:28:35,048 --> 00:28:36,381
the Middle-earth.
384
00:28:37,631 --> 00:28:43,589
Mein Plan was to get both sides to sign a
peace deal in front of the world's press,
385
00:28:43,881 --> 00:28:46,047
making Brüno über famous.
386
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,172
Hi, I love your hat.
It's great.
387
00:29:04,257 --> 00:29:06,047
Hey, great.
Is that Marc Jacobs?
388
00:29:08,340 --> 00:29:11,464
Lutz! Lutz!
Start the car!
389
00:29:12,881 --> 00:29:13,880
Lutz!
390
00:29:18,881 --> 00:29:22,339
Why are you
so anti-hummus?
391
00:29:23,007 --> 00:29:25,922
I mean, isn't pita
bread the real enemy?
392
00:29:26,424 --> 00:29:29,047
You're confusing Hamas
with hummus, I believe.
393
00:29:29,881 --> 00:29:31,131
Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas.
Do you think
394
00:29:31,215 --> 00:29:33,630
there is a relation
between Hamas and hummus?
395
00:29:33,715 --> 00:29:37,089
So was the founder
of Hamas a chef?
396
00:29:38,007 --> 00:29:43,131
He had created the food and
then got lots of followers.
397
00:29:43,215 --> 00:29:49,214
Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas. It's
a food. Okay? We eat it. They eat it.
398
00:29:49,590 --> 00:29:52,505
It's vegetarian.
It's healthy. It's beans.
399
00:29:54,090 --> 00:29:56,880
Well, do you both agree on that?
Hmm?
400
00:29:57,215 --> 00:30:00,047
We both agree that
hummus is very healthy.
401
00:30:00,340 --> 00:30:02,339
So we're making progress.
402
00:30:03,631 --> 00:30:05,672
Let's try and get
a solution, right?
403
00:30:05,756 --> 00:30:10,630
'Cause I'm not gonna be here forever.
Will you, the Palestinians,
404
00:30:10,715 --> 00:30:15,547
agree to give the pyramids
back to the Israelis?
405
00:30:15,923 --> 00:30:17,839
This is in Egypt.
Not in Palestine.
406
00:30:18,257 --> 00:30:21,547
I don't care where you put them.
Give them back.
407
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:26,505
This is about gaining
something for your own people
408
00:30:26,590 --> 00:30:30,423
whether you believe it, whether
you were convinced to do that.
409
00:30:30,548 --> 00:30:32,797
But in any case... All right, okay.
Take it easy, girlfriend.
410
00:30:32,881 --> 00:30:34,089
- All right.
- Civil rights...
411
00:30:34,173 --> 00:30:37,630
If I did not get these
queens to sign a peace deal soon,
412
00:30:37,715 --> 00:30:39,547
I would not become famous.
413
00:30:39,923 --> 00:30:44,339
So I decided to think outside
the Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung.
414
00:30:44,881 --> 00:30:50,006
I've written a song that I think
is gonna help us make peace.
415
00:30:50,631 --> 00:30:52,214
In fact,
I know it will.
416
00:30:54,132 --> 00:30:55,880
I've written a song
417
00:30:56,548 --> 00:31:01,547
that I hope is gonna
bring you two together
418
00:31:04,215 --> 00:31:07,922
It's time for
this war to end
419
00:31:08,048 --> 00:31:11,423
Jews and Hindus,
you be friends
420
00:31:11,881 --> 00:31:14,298
This is the Middle East
421
00:31:14,382 --> 00:31:18,298
Creating love
is my mission
422
00:31:18,382 --> 00:31:20,131
Don't kill each other
423
00:31:20,215 --> 00:31:22,547
Shoot a Christian
424
00:31:26,548 --> 00:31:43,047
Ich bin Brüno,
dove of peace
425
00:31:56,215 --> 00:31:57,380
Yeah, a bit more
than that.
426
00:31:57,464 --> 00:31:59,672
Ich was
out of options.
427
00:31:59,756 --> 00:32:04,339
My song hadn't worked, und I didn't
have enough ecstasy for everyone.
428
00:32:04,423 --> 00:32:07,630
Ich was ready to give up when I
suddenly remembered something
429
00:32:07,715 --> 00:32:09,380
that the Jude had said.
430
00:32:09,798 --> 00:32:12,214
In the last few years,
people were kidnapped,
431
00:32:12,299 --> 00:32:16,214
and then they would broadcast
it to the whole world.
432
00:32:16,299 --> 00:32:17,714
To the whole world?
Yeah.
433
00:32:17,798 --> 00:32:19,463
So what,
the whole world gets to see
434
00:32:19,548 --> 00:32:21,047
these hostage videos?
Of course. Of course.
435
00:32:26,381 --> 00:32:29,839
Ich would become
famous by getting kidnapped.
436
00:32:33,631 --> 00:32:37,714
I am going to say something
that is gonna get you so angry
437
00:32:38,090 --> 00:32:40,755
that if you've got a gun on
you, you're gonna pull it out
438
00:32:40,881 --> 00:32:44,172
and shoot me in the head.
Are you ready? Yeah.
439
00:32:44,798 --> 00:32:47,422
Your hair is sun damaged.
440
00:32:51,548 --> 00:32:54,380
I'll be honest with you.
I want to be famous.
441
00:32:54,464 --> 00:33:00,214
And I want the best guys in the business
to kidnap me. Al-Qaeda is so 2001.
442
00:33:01,299 --> 00:33:02,755
I don't like.
443
00:33:03,007 --> 00:33:05,630
Can I give you guys
a word of advice?
444
00:33:06,132 --> 00:33:09,630
Lose the beards,
because your King Osama
445
00:33:09,715 --> 00:33:14,089
looks like a kind of dirty
wizard or a homeless Santa.
446
00:33:29,257 --> 00:33:31,214
Get out.
Get out now.
447
00:33:31,631 --> 00:33:34,463
Ich was encouraged
to leave the Middle East.
448
00:33:34,798 --> 00:33:36,589
But Brüno had a new plan.
449
00:33:36,965 --> 00:33:38,964
It involved
stopping off in Africa
450
00:33:39,048 --> 00:33:42,089
on the way home for a
little bit of shopping.
451
00:34:31,548 --> 00:34:33,589
Mein little
afrikanischer Freund
452
00:34:33,673 --> 00:34:36,922
was going to get me on the
cover of every magazine.
453
00:34:37,881 --> 00:34:40,172
Also, ich hired
a top photographer
454
00:34:40,256 --> 00:34:43,839
und held a casting for the
hottest baby photo shoot ever.
455
00:34:45,423 --> 00:34:48,422
We're gonna do like
this religious theme
456
00:34:48,506 --> 00:34:53,089
where my baby is gonna be
on a crucifix playing Jesus
457
00:34:53,173 --> 00:34:54,880
even though my baby's black.
So it's pretty cool, no?
458
00:34:54,965 --> 00:34:57,089
That's cool. It's kind of
like that Madonna video.
459
00:34:57,173 --> 00:34:59,297
Yeah, it's really edgy. You know,
we're turning it on its head.
460
00:34:59,381 --> 00:35:01,006
Why not?
Come on. Whatever.
461
00:35:01,090 --> 00:35:05,755
So. We're looking for two thieves to
be on the crucifixes next to my baby.
462
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:10,255
Would you be ready for your baby to be
strung up on a crucifix next to mine?
463
00:35:10,339 --> 00:35:13,089
Fine. Yeah, I don't mind her
being up on a crucifix.
464
00:35:13,173 --> 00:35:14,131
Sure.
465
00:35:14,214 --> 00:35:18,047
Is your baby comfortable with
bees, wasps and hornets?
466
00:35:18,214 --> 00:35:20,589
George is comfortable
with everything. He's fine.
467
00:35:20,673 --> 00:35:23,589
Is he comfortable
with dead or dying animals?
468
00:35:25,007 --> 00:35:26,047
Yes.
469
00:35:26,798 --> 00:35:27,964
Great.
470
00:35:28,673 --> 00:35:30,047
Amateur science?
471
00:35:30,132 --> 00:35:31,213
What do you
mean by that?
472
00:35:31,298 --> 00:35:37,047
You know, some untrained people
conducting scientific experiments.
473
00:35:37,132 --> 00:35:38,630
Oh. Should be fine.
You know,
474
00:35:38,715 --> 00:35:40,672
her mixing the pots
of acid and that type...
475
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,297
Okay.
And so it's a yes.
476
00:35:42,381 --> 00:35:43,672
Yes.
Great.
477
00:35:43,756 --> 00:35:46,755
Is she okay with extremely
rapid acceleration?
478
00:35:47,506 --> 00:35:48,589
Yes.
479
00:35:48,798 --> 00:35:49,797
Okay.
Yes.
480
00:35:49,881 --> 00:35:53,089
Does she always have to be in a car seat,
or can she just, like, freestyle it?
481
00:35:53,172 --> 00:35:55,797
Yeah. You can freestyle it, put
her in a car seat. Whatever.
482
00:35:55,881 --> 00:35:57,505
If it looks better
without the car seat...
483
00:35:57,590 --> 00:35:58,672
Of course. Of course.
484
00:35:58,756 --> 00:36:01,880
So what? You're traveling fast.
You're not gonna kill it.
485
00:36:01,965 --> 00:36:03,380
Of course. Of course.
486
00:36:03,464 --> 00:36:06,714
Is your baby fine with
antiquated heavy machinery?
487
00:36:07,256 --> 00:36:09,672
Yeah, she's fine.
She's been around that.
488
00:36:09,756 --> 00:36:11,922
Would she be fine
to operate them?
489
00:36:12,007 --> 00:36:13,422
Yes.
Great.
490
00:36:13,881 --> 00:36:16,755
Is your baby fine
with lit phosphorus?
491
00:36:17,007 --> 00:36:17,964
Yes.
492
00:36:18,048 --> 00:36:19,922
Excellent.
Does he like it?
493
00:36:20,381 --> 00:36:22,171
Loves it.
Oh, good.
494
00:36:22,548 --> 00:36:25,755
A little sensitive subject here.
How much does she weigh?
495
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,047
She's about 30 pounds.
496
00:36:28,298 --> 00:36:31,213
Thirty pounds.
Yes. Approximately.
497
00:36:31,756 --> 00:36:34,630
Can Olivia lose 10 pounds
in the next week?
498
00:36:35,007 --> 00:36:37,213
In the next week,
seven days.
499
00:36:38,881 --> 00:36:41,630
Yeah. I'd have to do
whatever I could.
500
00:36:41,715 --> 00:36:43,297
If there's a problem
losing the weight,
501
00:36:43,381 --> 00:36:46,880
would you be ready to have
Olivia undergo liposuction?
502
00:36:47,089 --> 00:36:50,088
If that was a last resort and
she didn't lose the few pounds,
503
00:36:50,172 --> 00:36:52,589
then, yeah,
we'd have to do that.
504
00:36:53,214 --> 00:36:55,047
Great. Fantastisch news.
505
00:36:55,131 --> 00:36:59,880
We have chosen your baby to
be dressed as a Nazi officer
506
00:37:00,506 --> 00:37:05,755
pushing a wheelbarrow with another
baby as a Jew in it into an oven.
507
00:37:06,172 --> 00:37:07,672
Into an oven?
508
00:37:07,881 --> 00:37:10,088
Congratulations.
How do you feel?
509
00:37:10,214 --> 00:37:12,839
Great, if she got the job.
That's great. Yeah.
510
00:37:47,131 --> 00:37:49,130
O.J., you're going
to be on television.
511
00:38:17,214 --> 00:38:19,463
Welcome back to
Today with Richard Bey.
512
00:38:19,548 --> 00:38:23,714
Now, our next guest is a single parent.
Please welcome Brüno.
513
00:38:34,214 --> 00:38:36,547
Where are you from?
514
00:38:36,881 --> 00:38:37,964
I'm from Austria.
515
00:38:38,047 --> 00:38:41,964
Austria. And what are your
impressions of the American people?
516
00:38:42,047 --> 00:38:43,255
You see a lot of them
out here.
517
00:38:43,339 --> 00:38:47,422
I gotta say, I love American people,
and I love African-American people.
518
00:38:47,506 --> 00:38:50,338
You're the best.
You guys are the best.
519
00:38:52,214 --> 00:38:54,922
All right, all right.
Now, you are a single parent.
520
00:38:55,172 --> 00:38:56,338
Yeah. Most people
think that a child
521
00:38:56,423 --> 00:38:57,797
should have two parents.
522
00:38:57,881 --> 00:39:01,130
It is, like, really
difficult, you know,
523
00:39:01,214 --> 00:39:04,463
bringing up a child without
another parent. Am I right?
524
00:39:04,548 --> 00:39:05,755
Right.
525
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:09,463
I'm hoping that I don't grow old alone.
Am I right?
526
00:39:09,548 --> 00:39:10,547
True that. True that.
527
00:39:10,631 --> 00:39:13,297
I'm hoping that I find
Mr. Right. Am I right?
528
00:39:13,381 --> 00:39:14,380
No!
529
00:39:15,548 --> 00:39:17,213
No, no, no, no, no.
530
00:39:17,964 --> 00:39:20,755
Well, honey, you need to get it together.
Sugar, you're lost and confused.
531
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:22,255
All right, now...
Listen, you're just jealous
532
00:39:22,339 --> 00:39:24,046
'cause you know
I can get any guy here.
533
00:39:24,131 --> 00:39:25,463
Go get them!
534
00:39:33,590 --> 00:39:35,088
You brought
your son here today?
535
00:39:35,506 --> 00:39:38,046
That's right.
Can we see your son?
536
00:39:38,548 --> 00:39:39,630
Yeah, sure.
537
00:39:39,715 --> 00:39:42,005
No. No.
538
00:39:42,339 --> 00:39:43,921
All right,
this is...
539
00:39:52,756 --> 00:39:54,088
What?
Where did they allow you
540
00:39:54,172 --> 00:39:56,422
to get your baby from?
Is your baby from Australia?
541
00:39:56,506 --> 00:39:59,589
I was in the Middle East, like,
solving the crisis there.
542
00:39:59,673 --> 00:40:01,380
No big deal. Whatever.
543
00:40:01,464 --> 00:40:04,422
And I flew back here
to America,
544
00:40:04,506 --> 00:40:08,338
und I stopped over in this
country called Africa, right?
545
00:40:08,423 --> 00:40:11,463
Africa is a continent, not a country, baby.
Get it right.
546
00:40:11,548 --> 00:40:13,463
Well, it is full of
African-Americans.
547
00:40:13,548 --> 00:40:17,005
It's full of Africans. It's full
of people of African descent.
548
00:40:17,089 --> 00:40:18,879
No. That's a racist thing
to call them.
549
00:40:19,006 --> 00:40:20,422
African-Americans
is the right word.
550
00:40:20,506 --> 00:40:22,839
No.
African-Americans are here.
551
00:40:23,131 --> 00:40:25,422
No, they're called
African-Americans, girlfriend.
552
00:40:25,506 --> 00:40:26,630
No, fool.
553
00:40:26,715 --> 00:40:28,879
All right. So how
did you find your son?
554
00:40:28,964 --> 00:40:29,963
I swapped him.
555
00:40:30,047 --> 00:40:31,630
- You swapped him?
- What?
556
00:40:33,047 --> 00:40:35,130
Swapped the baby
for what?
557
00:40:35,214 --> 00:40:36,921
For an iPod.
What?
558
00:40:39,298 --> 00:40:40,338
Not just any iPod.
559
00:40:40,423 --> 00:40:44,422
One that was, like, limited edition, red.
A U2 iPod. Heard of it?
560
00:40:45,381 --> 00:40:49,380
All right, but wait a second.
You are the baby's father now.
561
00:40:49,464 --> 00:40:53,130
And you chose to dress that baby
up in a T-shirt that says what?
562
00:40:53,214 --> 00:40:54,338
Gayby.
563
00:40:54,423 --> 00:40:56,463
That's not the baby's name,
is it?
564
00:40:56,548 --> 00:40:59,297
No. I gave him, like,
a traditional African name.
565
00:40:59,506 --> 00:41:01,046
So what's the baby's name?
566
00:41:01,131 --> 00:41:02,213
O.J.
567
00:41:06,423 --> 00:41:07,672
Stand up, please.
568
00:41:07,756 --> 00:41:10,380
I think you're using him
as an accessory.
569
00:41:10,464 --> 00:41:14,130
I think maybe because he's a black
baby that might be your cue,
570
00:41:14,214 --> 00:41:16,963
like how some people walk in the
park with dogs to pick up girls,
571
00:41:17,047 --> 00:41:18,755
that might be your cue to get
maybe a down-low brother.
572
00:41:18,839 --> 00:41:20,755
I don't know.
What do you think?
573
00:41:20,839 --> 00:41:23,297
I gotta be honest.
He's a real dick magnet.
574
00:41:25,256 --> 00:41:28,505
You brought some photographs that
you took with the child because...
575
00:41:28,590 --> 00:41:30,963
I guess to demonstrate
how much you love the child.
576
00:41:31,047 --> 00:41:33,005
We're going to put them
up on this screen.
577
00:41:33,089 --> 00:41:34,963
That's the first shot.
578
00:41:39,631 --> 00:41:41,714
Let's see the next picture.
579
00:41:48,089 --> 00:41:49,796
You're gonna burn in hell
for that one.
580
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:51,046
That's some mess.
581
00:41:51,131 --> 00:41:54,547
All right. Do we have another
photo, or is that the last one?
582
00:41:54,631 --> 00:41:56,046
There we go.
583
00:41:57,423 --> 00:41:58,963
What is going on here?
584
00:41:59,047 --> 00:42:02,505
If I'm having fun, I want little O.J.
To come with me.
585
00:42:02,756 --> 00:42:05,046
I want him to
have fun with me.
586
00:42:06,922 --> 00:42:09,213
Hold on. Hold on.
What's that?
587
00:42:10,339 --> 00:42:11,380
- What is that?
- Oh, someone's scared.
588
00:42:11,506 --> 00:42:13,505
You're making the audience leave.
They are scared of the truth.
589
00:42:13,590 --> 00:42:16,297
Yes, ma'am? Stand up, please.
Go ahead.
590
00:42:17,256 --> 00:42:22,130
Listen, I don't see how you can even walk
out of here with that baby in your hands
591
00:42:22,214 --> 00:42:26,463
without someone stopping you and taking
that baby out of your possession.
592
00:42:26,548 --> 00:42:29,796
All right, well, you know, there
is a finale to this talk show.
593
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:34,547
Please welcome Shatonya Miggins from
the State Child Services Department.
594
00:42:38,006 --> 00:42:39,505
Take the baby.
595
00:42:42,047 --> 00:42:45,130
What would be the opinion, the
legal opinion of the state,
596
00:42:45,214 --> 00:42:49,838
which is empowered to look after
children and their welfare?
597
00:42:50,047 --> 00:42:52,297
This child is here
illegally.
598
00:42:52,381 --> 00:42:54,921
No, it's not. I made a
deal with the mother.
599
00:42:55,006 --> 00:42:58,297
And at this time, we're taking the
child into protective custody.
600
00:42:58,464 --> 00:43:00,714
You are not doing that.
You're not taking...
601
00:43:00,797 --> 00:43:01,963
The child is going...
602
00:43:02,548 --> 00:43:04,672
Get off me.
That is my baby.
603
00:43:05,839 --> 00:43:08,463
Give him back!
Give me my baby back!
604
00:43:08,548 --> 00:43:10,589
Give me my baby!
Give him back!
605
00:43:10,673 --> 00:43:12,046
Come on! Back!
606
00:43:13,006 --> 00:43:14,505
Give me my baby back!
607
00:43:14,590 --> 00:43:17,547
O.J.! Give me my baby!
Give me my...
608
00:43:19,922 --> 00:43:22,130
Give me my baby! O.J.!
609
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:25,130
O.J.!
610
00:43:38,381 --> 00:43:42,422
O.J.! Give me
my baby back!
611
00:43:55,464 --> 00:43:57,171
You want
some pie today?
612
00:43:57,256 --> 00:44:00,380
Yeah. I haven't had
any carbs for 15 years,
613
00:44:00,464 --> 00:44:02,630
since I was, you know,
four years old.
614
00:44:02,714 --> 00:44:04,754
Since you was four?
Yeah.
615
00:44:05,339 --> 00:44:07,255
Is that your boy?
He's pretty.
616
00:44:07,339 --> 00:44:09,505
That was my boy.
He got taken away today.
617
00:44:09,590 --> 00:44:13,088
I'm so sorry. Gosh.
What is he, about two?
618
00:44:13,381 --> 00:44:17,547
I think he was about,
I don't know, six or...
619
00:44:17,672 --> 00:44:19,171
Was he? Was he about that age?
I don't know.
620
00:44:19,256 --> 00:44:22,589
He could've been a midget.
So he could have been 10.
621
00:45:30,714 --> 00:45:34,130
Good morning, cowboy.
What's your name?
622
00:45:34,964 --> 00:45:36,005
Lutz.
623
00:45:47,423 --> 00:45:49,422
Get that out of my face.
624
00:45:49,755 --> 00:45:51,921
Move that out of my...
No, Lutz.
625
00:45:52,006 --> 00:45:54,088
Hello? Engineering.
626
00:45:54,464 --> 00:45:57,130
Hello, I apologize
for the state of the room.
627
00:45:57,214 --> 00:46:00,713
But can I assure you, the
toilet is absolutely spotless.
628
00:46:02,089 --> 00:46:04,255
Can you look? The key, I
think, is over there, just...
629
00:46:04,339 --> 00:46:05,963
No, I can't do this.
630
00:46:06,047 --> 00:46:09,255
Yeah, Brian, I need you up
here on 20 immediately.
631
00:46:09,547 --> 00:46:12,005
Well, no, it's two guys
handcuffed together on a bed.
632
00:46:12,089 --> 00:46:15,879
And there's some contraption
with a dildo on the end of it.
633
00:46:16,339 --> 00:46:18,879
And they're asking... They've been
staying at the hotel for a while
634
00:46:18,964 --> 00:46:22,713
and wanted to know if I can get the key for
them because they can't get out of bed.
635
00:46:22,797 --> 00:46:25,005
I'm pretty freaking
flipping right now.
636
00:46:26,214 --> 00:46:28,338
- Come in.
- Can you tell me what's going on?
637
00:46:28,423 --> 00:46:31,504
You were not meant to see this. You
find the key, I can get out of this.
638
00:46:31,589 --> 00:46:32,963
Now, can you just
look under that shelf...
639
00:46:33,047 --> 00:46:34,879
No. This is not what was
supposed to be going on in here.
640
00:46:36,256 --> 00:46:37,463
You're telling me,
honey.
641
00:46:37,547 --> 00:46:41,921
I should be chained to a 6'4"
Norwegian with a PhD in sucking dick.
642
00:46:42,672 --> 00:46:43,921
That's not my concern.
643
00:46:44,006 --> 00:46:45,422
Okay, well, listen,
one other thing.
644
00:46:45,505 --> 00:46:49,671
Can you switch off the television?
Because I made a fart,
645
00:46:49,755 --> 00:46:53,463
and I am on the verge of buying Mr.
Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium.
646
00:46:53,547 --> 00:46:55,130
That's unfortunate.
647
00:46:55,214 --> 00:46:58,629
No, but I refuse to pay for Mr.
Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium.
648
00:46:58,714 --> 00:47:00,297
I did not press it.
649
00:47:00,381 --> 00:47:02,088
No, I'm afraid we are not
gonna be doing that.
650
00:47:02,172 --> 00:47:05,213
Hey, listen, you. What's your name?
Hi. What's your name?
651
00:47:05,298 --> 00:47:06,838
No, don't even talk to me.
You're cute.
652
00:47:06,922 --> 00:47:09,338
You're like
a Latino Paul Giamatti.
653
00:47:09,423 --> 00:47:11,463
Hey, don't talk to me. I'm not
talking to you. Hey, girlfriend.
654
00:47:14,839 --> 00:47:17,546
Also, great.
Maybe they can let us out.
655
00:47:19,047 --> 00:47:22,921
Excuse me, can you unlock us? Please.
Hello? Can you unlock us?
656
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:25,213
Please,
can you unlock us?
657
00:47:25,298 --> 00:47:28,462
Please. My assistant's
about to shit on my balls.
658
00:47:43,214 --> 00:47:44,297
What's going on here?
659
00:47:44,381 --> 00:47:46,130
What does it
look like, Paul Blart?
660
00:47:51,672 --> 00:47:52,879
Brüno.
661
00:48:24,172 --> 00:48:25,297
Brüno.
662
00:49:22,588 --> 00:49:26,838
Ich was at a low point.
Brüno had hit rock Arsch.
663
00:49:27,797 --> 00:49:32,421
Lutz had gone, und ich had only
nine Freunds left on MeinSpace.
664
00:49:36,380 --> 00:49:38,462
Lutz! Lutz!
665
00:49:45,839 --> 00:49:48,921
I was about
to give up on my dream of celebrity,
666
00:49:49,714 --> 00:49:51,713
when suddenly it hit me.
667
00:49:54,964 --> 00:49:58,130
All the most famous stars
in the world,
668
00:49:58,214 --> 00:50:04,921
Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kevin Spacey,
they all had one thing in common.
669
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:07,754
They were all straight.
670
00:50:11,922 --> 00:50:16,130
To become famous,
I would have to quit guys.
671
00:50:16,547 --> 00:50:20,255
Ich just needed to find
a cock-aholics anonymous.
672
00:50:24,714 --> 00:50:28,754
Things have got to change.
I want to become straight.
673
00:50:30,047 --> 00:50:32,296
Awesome.
Once I'm straight,
674
00:50:32,380 --> 00:50:34,462
can I still
play the clarinet?
675
00:50:35,672 --> 00:50:39,879
If it doesn't remind you
about some of the behavior
676
00:50:39,964 --> 00:50:42,796
that you engaged in when you
put your lips around it.
677
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:45,796
If it doesn't remind you of
that, then I say go for it
678
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,462
and play the clarinet with
everything inside of you.
679
00:50:48,547 --> 00:50:52,963
If it does remind you of that,
then I say put it down,
680
00:50:53,047 --> 00:50:57,462
give it away, let a friend hold
it until you know in your mind
681
00:50:57,547 --> 00:51:00,671
you're ready to pick it up again and
it wouldn't remind you of that.
682
00:51:00,755 --> 00:51:05,754
Und what about if I put
a flute up my stinker?
683
00:51:06,380 --> 00:51:10,963
That... I wouldn't do that either because it
would remind you of the former lifestyle.
684
00:51:11,047 --> 00:51:15,254
So you don't put any woodwind
instruments up your Arschwitz.
685
00:51:15,380 --> 00:51:18,379
Absolutely not. You know why?
Why?
686
00:51:18,463 --> 00:51:21,671
Because that would harm my body.
That would hurt...
687
00:51:21,755 --> 00:51:24,171
Only if you lose the reed. Okay.
688
00:51:24,463 --> 00:51:26,171
Well, that would...
That would be bad.
689
00:51:26,255 --> 00:51:29,838
Is there any music that I
shouldn't listen to? Any bands?
690
00:51:30,131 --> 00:51:32,921
Sinead O'Connor.
The Indigo Girls.
691
00:51:34,714 --> 00:51:36,671
Of course,
the Village People.
692
00:51:36,755 --> 00:51:39,879
When I become straight,
you know, a Kuntmeister,
693
00:51:40,131 --> 00:51:42,921
are there any new hobbies
that I should take up?
694
00:51:43,006 --> 00:51:46,462
Do you enjoy hiking?
Lifting weights? Sure.
695
00:51:46,547 --> 00:51:48,379
Man, there's nothing
like just working out
696
00:51:48,463 --> 00:51:51,754
and lifting weights
and building your muscles
697
00:51:51,839 --> 00:51:55,546
around some other men
who are not gay.
698
00:52:04,047 --> 00:52:08,963
I'm totally irresistible to gay guys.
They see me und they want to schtupp me.
699
00:52:09,213 --> 00:52:12,379
Right. So how do I protect
against those guys?
700
00:52:12,547 --> 00:52:16,088
If they get close to you, hit
them and leave the situation.
701
00:52:16,171 --> 00:52:18,337
How do you
spot the homosexual?
702
00:52:18,422 --> 00:52:19,754
Very hard to do.
703
00:52:19,839 --> 00:52:24,088
Because some of them don't even dress
no different than myself or you.
704
00:52:24,505 --> 00:52:25,921
Amazing.
You know?
705
00:52:26,006 --> 00:52:28,212
It's kind of
like terrorists.
706
00:52:28,380 --> 00:52:32,005
If a terrorist has infiltrated
a police department
707
00:52:32,089 --> 00:52:35,130
and he dresses like the policemen,
how would you know that's him?
708
00:52:35,213 --> 00:52:37,421
What are obvious things
that we can look for?
709
00:52:37,505 --> 00:52:41,796
Obvious is a person that's being
extremely nice to them to start with.
710
00:52:42,047 --> 00:52:46,587
So if someone approaches you in the street
und is being very, very nice to you,
711
00:52:46,672 --> 00:52:48,462
you know that
they are a homosexual?
712
00:52:48,547 --> 00:52:49,921
Most likely.
713
00:52:50,380 --> 00:52:55,379
How should I protect myself from
being attacked by homosexuals?
714
00:52:55,547 --> 00:52:59,754
They probably would
attack from behind.
715
00:53:00,672 --> 00:53:03,296
So, again,
if I am a homosexual,
716
00:53:03,380 --> 00:53:06,170
and I'm just trying
to run in und kiss you...
717
00:53:06,630 --> 00:53:09,796
Boom! You done moved in
the wrong range. Right.
718
00:53:09,964 --> 00:53:12,587
Let's say the homosexual
has got you on the ground.
719
00:53:12,714 --> 00:53:16,879
Okay. Und the homosexual, you
know, has got you down here.
720
00:53:16,964 --> 00:53:18,212
Right.
I go to pull this down.
721
00:53:18,297 --> 00:53:21,838
I want to lock this, lock this leg here.
Touching.
722
00:53:21,922 --> 00:53:23,546
Yeah.
Hit with the elbow.
723
00:53:23,630 --> 00:53:25,129
Boom. As I roll across.
724
00:53:25,213 --> 00:53:27,337
How do you protect yourself
from a dildo?
725
00:53:27,422 --> 00:53:29,129
So let's say I'm trying...
726
00:53:29,213 --> 00:53:30,921
Here, you know.
727
00:53:32,505 --> 00:53:34,087
Like that. You know?
728
00:53:34,171 --> 00:53:36,005
Und disarm the dildo?
729
00:53:36,088 --> 00:53:37,212
Yes.
730
00:53:37,755 --> 00:53:40,629
Is it harder to defend
against a black dildo?
731
00:53:40,714 --> 00:53:42,129
No.
Great.
732
00:53:42,213 --> 00:53:45,713
One is just as easy as the
other to defend against.
733
00:53:45,964 --> 00:53:48,005
So, I'm attacking.
Boom.
734
00:53:49,006 --> 00:53:51,713
Like that. Let's say
I go down and I...
735
00:53:52,297 --> 00:53:55,212
Trap it, work the knees.
Work the elbows.
736
00:53:55,964 --> 00:53:58,671
How do you defend yourself
against the man with two dildos?
737
00:53:58,755 --> 00:54:01,379
Coming in. Here. Boom.
738
00:54:01,505 --> 00:54:05,713
Depending on his range. Boom.
Then to his face. Boom.
739
00:54:07,714 --> 00:54:10,379
Okay? Kick around, boom.
740
00:54:12,171 --> 00:54:13,546
He can't do nothing
from there.
741
00:54:13,630 --> 00:54:16,546
And if he's just running
with his pants down?
742
00:54:17,213 --> 00:54:20,296
Here. Boom.
And then to the eyes.
743
00:54:20,672 --> 00:54:22,462
Homosexual attacking your bum.
Leg here.
744
00:54:22,547 --> 00:54:26,462
And then come in and break his arm.
Take it here, take him out.
745
00:54:26,547 --> 00:54:29,629
Break his arms. Boom, break his ribs.
Break his arms.
746
00:54:29,714 --> 00:54:32,504
Okay. Thank you very much.
Fantastisch.
747
00:54:32,588 --> 00:54:34,129
Okay.
It's very useful.
748
00:54:34,213 --> 00:54:37,671
That's just totally different than what
I've ever tried to, you know, work with.
749
00:54:39,547 --> 00:54:41,129
So you were never gay?
750
00:54:41,213 --> 00:54:42,212
Mmm-mmm.
751
00:54:42,297 --> 00:54:45,754
It's ironic that you should
have amazing blow job lips.
752
00:54:46,213 --> 00:54:47,212
Hmm.
753
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:51,212
Well, these lips were
made to praise Jesus.
754
00:54:52,005 --> 00:54:55,296
No, they were made for something else,
but you're just not using it for them.
755
00:54:55,380 --> 00:54:56,713
Well...
756
00:54:56,797 --> 00:54:59,045
Are there any activities
you suggest
757
00:54:59,130 --> 00:55:01,963
where I'll be surrounded
just by straight guys?
758
00:55:05,839 --> 00:55:09,504
- Let's go! Let's go!
- Let's go! Let's go!
759
00:55:13,380 --> 00:55:15,212
Push ups! Sit ups!
760
00:55:17,463 --> 00:55:19,713
Hurry up. Get in here. Was?
761
00:55:20,005 --> 00:55:22,587
Make this bed. Hurry up.
Make the bed.
762
00:55:22,672 --> 00:55:24,462
But do you have something,
maybe a double...
763
00:55:24,547 --> 00:55:25,796
Make the bed!
764
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:28,671
Could you hold
the sheet over there?
765
00:55:28,755 --> 00:55:29,713
I'm not holding
anything.
766
00:55:29,839 --> 00:55:31,170
Get down. Get down. Was?
767
00:55:31,255 --> 00:55:33,546
I said, get down!
Do push ups.
768
00:55:33,714 --> 00:55:36,462
This line right here is
a line that you don't cross.
769
00:55:36,547 --> 00:55:39,087
This is TAC Alley.
TAC Officer's...
770
00:55:39,171 --> 00:55:41,421
You're in it again.
This is my alley.
771
00:55:41,505 --> 00:55:42,671
I don't want to be
in your alley.
772
00:55:42,755 --> 00:55:46,045
Yeah, well, get out of it.
Your finger's in my alley.
773
00:55:46,547 --> 00:55:47,796
Not yet.
774
00:55:50,714 --> 00:55:53,629
By the way, where's your uniform?
Go get your uniform on.
775
00:55:53,714 --> 00:55:54,713
Do it!
776
00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:57,337
Oh, my gosh.
777
00:55:58,922 --> 00:56:00,796
What's up with the scarf?
778
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:02,421
That is, like,
it's my own thing.
779
00:56:02,505 --> 00:56:05,004
Let me introduce you to somebody.
Captain Miles.
780
00:56:05,088 --> 00:56:06,796
Candidate,
what are you doing?
781
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:08,587
Stand at the position
of attention, candidate.
782
00:56:08,672 --> 00:56:11,170
Do it! Do it! Head and eyes
straight forward, candidate.
783
00:56:11,255 --> 00:56:13,796
Head and eyes straight forward.
Stand still, candidate.
784
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:16,421
That is not part of the uniform, candidate.
You need to take that off.
785
00:56:16,505 --> 00:56:19,337
This outfit is too
matchy-matchy as it is,
786
00:56:19,422 --> 00:56:23,296
and so I was just trying to break it
up with some simple horizontal lines.
787
00:56:23,380 --> 00:56:26,254
Do you have an attitude, candidate?
Do we detect an attitude?
788
00:56:26,338 --> 00:56:29,879
- Sir, she's got an attitude.
- What?
789
00:56:29,963 --> 00:56:32,421
Sir Officer Candidate,
did you just call me "she"?
790
00:56:32,547 --> 00:56:34,546
Get down, candidate! Now! Do it!
791
00:56:34,630 --> 00:56:36,796
What type belt is that,
candidate?
792
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:38,170
What is that?
793
00:56:38,255 --> 00:56:40,129
D&G.
What is D&G?
794
00:56:40,213 --> 00:56:42,254
Dolce und Gabbana.
Hello?
795
00:56:42,338 --> 00:56:43,296
"Hello"?
"Hello"?
796
00:56:43,380 --> 00:56:44,920
Front in the rest position.
Get down, you!
797
00:56:45,255 --> 00:56:49,212
Sir Officer Candidate, you deserve
a medal for exceptional skin.
798
00:56:49,921 --> 00:56:52,212
What are you talking... What are
you trying to say, candidate?
799
00:56:52,297 --> 00:56:54,337
Sir Officer Candidate,
you could be a general
800
00:56:54,422 --> 00:56:57,170
in the Bitch Army
the way you're going.
801
00:56:57,255 --> 00:56:59,004
Did you use profanity again?
Did you use profanity?
802
00:56:59,088 --> 00:57:00,337
But you're being
really nasty.
803
00:57:00,422 --> 00:57:04,254
The OC guide states that I will not
use profanity while I'm at OCS.
804
00:57:04,338 --> 00:57:07,004
Yes, mein Führer.
Yes, Officer Candidate.
805
00:57:07,088 --> 00:57:09,379
- Hurry up!
- Hurry up! Let's go!
806
00:57:10,338 --> 00:57:11,754
Yeah, this is mine. MILES:
You better help your buddy.
807
00:57:15,547 --> 00:57:19,713
Get out of my TAC Alley.
808
00:57:23,046 --> 00:57:25,379
- Hurry up! Hurry up!
- Move over there!
809
00:57:30,547 --> 00:57:31,962
Salute! Salute with
your right hand.
810
00:57:32,046 --> 00:57:33,129
Salute with
your right hand.
811
00:57:33,213 --> 00:57:35,004
That's not a salute.
That's not a salute.
812
00:57:35,088 --> 00:57:36,170
That's not a salute.
813
00:57:37,838 --> 00:57:40,920
Can I tell you about the
person that changed my life?
814
00:57:41,005 --> 00:57:42,878
Was it Karl Lagerfeld?
815
00:57:43,171 --> 00:57:47,504
No, actually, his name is Jesus.
Jesus is in this room right now.
816
00:57:47,588 --> 00:57:50,045
He never leaves us.
He never forsakes us.
817
00:57:50,130 --> 00:57:51,129
He's here.
818
00:57:51,213 --> 00:57:52,379
Amazing.
819
00:57:52,463 --> 00:57:54,045
That's exactly right.
He's amazing.
820
00:57:54,130 --> 00:57:57,837
You want to be famous. You'll
be one that's so famous, Brüno,
821
00:57:57,921 --> 00:58:01,587
you will prepare the way for other
young men all over the world
822
00:58:01,672 --> 00:58:05,629
who want to come out of the homosexual
lifestyle and make a change in their lives.
823
00:58:05,714 --> 00:58:08,546
And they'll say, "If Brüno
can do it, then I can do it.
824
00:58:08,630 --> 00:58:10,837
"How did he change?
How did you change, Brüno?"
825
00:58:10,921 --> 00:58:13,796
And they'll say,
"It's Jesus. He changed me."
826
00:58:13,879 --> 00:58:15,962
But he wants to come into
your heart right now.
827
00:58:16,046 --> 00:58:18,337
Are you ready to
make that change?
828
00:58:18,422 --> 00:58:20,337
Are you hitting on me?
829
00:58:21,338 --> 00:58:22,754
No, I'm not.
830
00:58:23,505 --> 00:58:28,045
Okay, good, 'cause I just... That was,
like, really hot, that whole speech.
831
00:58:29,547 --> 00:58:31,754
Are there any
outdoor activities
832
00:58:31,838 --> 00:58:35,212
that I should do if I
want to become straight?
833
00:58:35,422 --> 00:58:36,837
Absolutely.
834
00:58:37,463 --> 00:58:38,837
Hi.
Hello.
835
00:58:42,255 --> 00:58:43,754
Mike. Brüno.
Brüno.
836
00:58:44,213 --> 00:58:45,254
Hey. Great.
837
00:58:45,338 --> 00:58:47,004
I'm Donny.
Brüno.
838
00:58:47,921 --> 00:58:49,129
Robert.
839
00:58:49,380 --> 00:58:51,629
You ever been hunting? BRÜNO:
I've never killed an animal.
840
00:58:51,714 --> 00:58:55,004
Although, I did once suffocate
a hamster in Mykonos.
841
00:58:59,547 --> 00:59:03,504
The women, eh? Do you prefer the
vagina or the mammary glands?
842
00:59:04,672 --> 00:59:06,878
I prefer the vagina.
Me, too.
843
00:59:07,297 --> 00:59:09,546
I love a woman
with a vagina.
844
00:59:09,630 --> 00:59:10,753
Yeah.
845
00:59:11,338 --> 00:59:12,546
My favorite.
846
00:59:12,630 --> 00:59:14,379
Didn't see anything.
847
00:59:15,213 --> 00:59:17,753
We were just talking
about vaginas.
848
00:59:17,879 --> 00:59:18,878
About what?
849
00:59:18,963 --> 00:59:20,962
Vaginas.
The woman's vagina.
850
00:59:21,046 --> 00:59:22,129
Oh.
851
00:59:23,921 --> 00:59:27,379
Sharing stories and saying
how much we enjoy them.
852
00:59:27,463 --> 00:59:28,713
Oh, yes.
853
00:59:29,005 --> 00:59:30,713
Really fantastisch.
854
00:59:31,213 --> 00:59:33,170
Really wonderful things.
855
00:59:34,213 --> 00:59:35,878
It's my favorite.
856
00:59:41,796 --> 00:59:43,045
This is wonderful.
857
00:59:45,297 --> 00:59:47,212
This is what
rabbit look like.
858
00:59:53,088 --> 00:59:57,212
Look at the four of us. We are so
like the Sex and the City girls.
859
00:59:58,297 --> 01:00:00,337
No, we aren't,
either.
860
01:00:01,380 --> 01:00:03,129
Which one
are you, Donny?
861
01:00:03,213 --> 01:00:05,753
I ain't any one of them.
I'm Donny.
862
01:00:06,963 --> 01:00:09,546
That is such
a Samantha thing to say.
863
01:00:13,796 --> 01:00:16,837
I've never been
out of the city before.
864
01:00:16,921 --> 01:00:19,920
You haven't?
How's it feel?
865
01:00:20,463 --> 01:00:22,462
I feel a bit vulnerable.
866
01:00:24,505 --> 01:00:28,004
You know, I'm 19 years old,
I've got a perfect body.
867
01:00:29,046 --> 01:00:32,587
You know, I really don't want to
wake up tomorrow morning und find
868
01:00:33,796 --> 01:00:36,170
that I'm torn
in my Arschenholer.
869
01:00:39,088 --> 01:00:41,462
You probably
ain't the only one.
870
01:00:41,879 --> 01:00:43,712
Me, either, definitely.
871
01:00:45,213 --> 01:00:47,878
Wow, there's so many
stars in the sky.
872
01:00:48,796 --> 01:00:50,296
Full of them.
873
01:00:51,463 --> 01:00:54,629
Makes you think of all the
hot guys in the world.
874
01:01:23,297 --> 01:01:25,878
Do we all share one tent
or what's more sensible?
875
01:01:25,963 --> 01:01:27,337
I hope not.
876
01:02:32,296 --> 01:02:34,170
All right,
God damn it.
877
01:02:37,380 --> 01:02:40,212
Reverend BJ found me
too much of a handful
878
01:02:40,296 --> 01:02:42,295
and put me in touch
with one of his chums.
879
01:02:43,422 --> 01:02:45,087
You look decent in that.
880
01:02:47,046 --> 01:02:48,753
Look like a straight guy,
how's that?
881
01:02:51,422 --> 01:02:53,337
Women are good for us.
882
01:02:54,754 --> 01:02:57,504
They're good even though
883
01:02:57,587 --> 01:03:01,087
they appear to us
to be terribly conventional.
884
01:03:01,671 --> 01:03:05,545
And we find that
somewhat irritating
885
01:03:07,380 --> 01:03:09,962
that they complain so much.
886
01:03:10,838 --> 01:03:12,837
Right.
But we need that.
887
01:03:13,255 --> 01:03:16,837
We need many of the things
888
01:03:17,338 --> 01:03:23,045
that, at first glance,
are annoying and irritating.
889
01:03:24,213 --> 01:03:27,462
And women often
don't stick to the point.
890
01:03:27,546 --> 01:03:32,212
They're often talking about one thing
and then another and then another,
891
01:03:32,629 --> 01:03:36,421
and they never get back to
the first point maybe ever.
892
01:03:37,879 --> 01:03:42,795
I am repulsed by the idea of
making the sex with a woman.
893
01:03:44,130 --> 01:03:48,962
The important thing is
to be around women,
894
01:03:49,046 --> 01:03:53,503
somewhat, that you find
tolerable or interesting
895
01:03:54,088 --> 01:03:57,045
and give them a chance
to seduce you.
896
01:04:04,005 --> 01:04:05,586
How did you
get into it?
897
01:04:05,713 --> 01:04:07,878
We, actually,
our first time was on our...
898
01:04:08,005 --> 01:04:09,795
Our honeymoon.
Yeah.
899
01:04:09,879 --> 01:04:14,045
Of all nights for us to swing, the
first time was for our honeymoon.
900
01:04:15,754 --> 01:04:18,295
Und what is your
favorite position?
901
01:04:19,338 --> 01:04:22,254
That would be missionary
or reverse cowgirl.
902
01:04:22,754 --> 01:04:24,878
What's reverse cowgirl?
903
01:04:25,671 --> 01:04:27,170
Show me. I'll pretend
to be the woman.
904
01:04:27,255 --> 01:04:28,295
Like, I'm sitting here,
and...
905
01:04:28,380 --> 01:04:32,129
Yeah, and so, if I'm the woman...
Don't worry. Yeah, so what?
906
01:04:32,213 --> 01:04:33,295
You'd be sitting
like that,
907
01:04:33,380 --> 01:04:35,795
and that's called reverse cowgirl.
Right. Right.
908
01:04:35,879 --> 01:04:38,712
And then when you're facing
me, that's called cowgirl.
909
01:04:39,462 --> 01:04:42,170
This one here is cowgirl
or reverse cowgirl?
910
01:04:42,255 --> 01:04:43,420
This is cowgirl.
911
01:04:43,504 --> 01:04:46,212
And then when you're turned the
opposite way, it's reverse cowgirl.
912
01:04:52,046 --> 01:04:53,628
Und what other positions
are there?
913
01:04:53,713 --> 01:04:55,962
Power driver.
Right.
914
01:04:56,046 --> 01:04:57,212
Sixty-nine.
915
01:04:57,338 --> 01:04:58,962
But this is
the girl's position.
916
01:04:59,046 --> 01:05:01,586
You don't want
to be like this if you're a guy.
917
01:05:01,671 --> 01:05:03,670
There's missionary,
doggy style.
918
01:05:03,754 --> 01:05:05,004
So what's doggy style like?
919
01:05:05,088 --> 01:05:07,628
You'd be bent over,
like a dog does it.
920
01:05:07,713 --> 01:05:09,129
Yeah. Like that?
Uh-huh.
921
01:05:09,213 --> 01:05:11,212
All right, and then
what would you be doing?
922
01:05:11,296 --> 01:05:12,878
If you was a woman,
I would be humping you.
923
01:05:12,921 --> 01:05:14,670
No, show me.
I'm not gonna show you.
924
01:05:14,754 --> 01:05:16,129
You're a man.
Don't be a faggot.
925
01:05:16,213 --> 01:05:18,837
Come on. What's the big deal?
It's just a couple of guys.
926
01:05:18,921 --> 01:05:21,129
I'd be humping you
like that.
927
01:05:21,921 --> 01:05:24,087
Wow, I can't wait
to do this to a woman.
928
01:05:34,713 --> 01:05:37,378
Anybody want a
sandwich or something?
929
01:05:40,713 --> 01:05:43,045
Yeah. Great.
930
01:05:44,879 --> 01:05:46,586
Very good. You've got
great hair actually.
931
01:05:46,671 --> 01:05:48,461
Thank you.
Yeah.
932
01:05:57,213 --> 01:05:58,712
That was great.
933
01:06:00,046 --> 01:06:02,628
Oh, yeah.
Good boy.
934
01:06:05,046 --> 01:06:06,378
Fuck, yeah.
935
01:06:08,255 --> 01:06:09,920
You're doing
a great job.
936
01:06:10,005 --> 01:06:11,336
Thank you.
937
01:06:12,462 --> 01:06:14,795
Come on, Jack,
look me in the eyes.
938
01:06:14,879 --> 01:06:17,212
Look me in the eye.
You can do this.
939
01:06:20,462 --> 01:06:21,461
Dude.
940
01:06:21,546 --> 01:06:24,628
Why would he look you in the eyes
when he's looking at a pussy?
941
01:06:24,713 --> 01:06:25,837
Why would he look you
in the eyes?
942
01:06:25,921 --> 01:06:27,795
No, no.
Just for concentration.
943
01:06:27,879 --> 01:06:29,254
He does not look
in a guy's...
944
01:06:29,337 --> 01:06:30,878
I don't need you
for concentration, okay?
945
01:06:31,005 --> 01:06:33,628
Look her in the eye. This is a
fucking swingers party. Okay?
946
01:06:33,713 --> 01:06:35,461
If you don't want pussy,
if you don't want fucking...
947
01:06:35,546 --> 01:06:37,545
No, I want... Then quit
fucking touching me
948
01:06:37,629 --> 01:06:40,503
and quit telling me to look
at you in the eye. Okay?
949
01:06:40,587 --> 01:06:43,294
I didn't come here for no
fucking queer shit. Okay?
950
01:06:43,379 --> 01:06:44,878
Me, neither.
Okay.
951
01:06:44,963 --> 01:06:46,420
Let's keep it at that then.
Cool.
952
01:06:46,504 --> 01:06:49,461
This is a fucking swingers party.
Right, guys?
953
01:06:49,546 --> 01:06:51,670
I see what the fuck
you're doing, dude.
954
01:06:51,754 --> 01:06:52,920
- Hi.
- Did he not try to pull
955
01:06:53,005 --> 01:06:54,670
that queer shit on you out there?
Hi. How you doing?
956
01:06:54,754 --> 01:06:57,045
I don't need this motherfucker
touching me on the back,
957
01:06:57,130 --> 01:06:59,170
telling me to look him
in the fucking eye. Right?
958
01:06:59,295 --> 01:07:02,795
I was just going to the kitchen.
I know, yeah. Come on.
959
01:07:03,587 --> 01:07:06,670
What's this shit?
Let's take this off.
960
01:07:07,546 --> 01:07:10,336
Let's maybe we get to
know each other a little.
961
01:07:10,462 --> 01:07:13,129
I think you broke that, actually.
I don't give a fuck.
962
01:07:13,213 --> 01:07:17,045
Yeah, there is... Let's get to know
each other a little bit first.
963
01:07:17,213 --> 01:07:19,336
Know each other? What?
964
01:07:19,421 --> 01:07:21,712
You must produce
a lot of milk.
965
01:07:22,046 --> 01:07:24,461
I don't want you to do
something that you'll regret.
966
01:07:24,546 --> 01:07:28,045
You wake up tomorrow, you've lost
your virginity, and you feel ashamed.
967
01:07:28,130 --> 01:07:31,461
You know, let's take
this a little slower.
968
01:07:31,546 --> 01:07:33,628
We should reschedule.
Sit the fuck down.
969
01:07:33,713 --> 01:07:35,294
Sit the fuck down.
Ow!
970
01:07:35,587 --> 01:07:37,004
Don't fuck around!
971
01:07:37,713 --> 01:07:40,087
No, let's do this
the right way.
972
01:07:41,546 --> 01:07:44,045
I go, and I sit down with your
father, we talk about this.
973
01:07:44,171 --> 01:07:45,628
If he gives his permission...
What?
974
01:07:45,713 --> 01:07:47,087
Would you quit being
a little bitch here
975
01:07:47,171 --> 01:07:50,045
and take your little briefs off
before I fucking rip them?
976
01:07:50,254 --> 01:07:51,795
Wait. Yes.
977
01:07:51,879 --> 01:07:52,962
Yeah.
Fine.
978
01:07:53,046 --> 01:07:54,129
Thanks.
Okay. Great.
979
01:07:54,213 --> 01:07:56,129
I don't like
this little shit.
980
01:07:56,213 --> 01:07:58,628
Yes, well, I want to really
make this heterosexual sex.
981
01:07:58,713 --> 01:08:00,586
It's going to be
fantastisch!
982
01:08:00,671 --> 01:08:04,628
Do as I say. Take that
fucking shit off now!
983
01:08:05,754 --> 01:08:08,170
Don't... You fold them.
Fuck.
984
01:08:08,254 --> 01:08:11,045
You gotta fold that neatly. You don't
treat suede like that. It stains.
985
01:08:11,130 --> 01:08:13,545
Sit the fuck down.
Take it off!
986
01:08:13,629 --> 01:08:17,129
I've got an idea. Let's play a
little bit of dress-up here.
987
01:08:17,212 --> 01:08:18,170
It will be erotisch.
988
01:08:18,254 --> 01:08:20,211
What is this? You gonna
dress me like a man?
989
01:08:20,295 --> 01:08:21,670
No, it's just a beard.
990
01:08:21,796 --> 01:08:23,336
Am I supposed to wear a beard?
It's just a...
991
01:08:23,421 --> 01:08:24,795
Come on,
it will be fun.
992
01:08:24,879 --> 01:08:26,087
I don't need a beard.
993
01:08:26,171 --> 01:08:27,586
Take it off! Now!
994
01:08:27,671 --> 01:08:28,920
Once you put the...
995
01:08:31,546 --> 01:08:33,920
Fuck! Take it off.
Okay. I'm...
996
01:08:34,046 --> 01:08:35,170
Okay, I'm going to do this.
Right now!
997
01:08:35,254 --> 01:08:38,004
Get on your fucking knees
and suck my spike here, bitch.
998
01:08:40,587 --> 01:08:42,712
Okay. Help!
999
01:08:43,046 --> 01:08:44,712
Don't fuck around!
1000
01:08:48,005 --> 01:08:49,712
Don't call me gay!
1001
01:08:50,212 --> 01:08:54,211
I'm gonna become straight. I'm
gonna become über straight.
1002
01:08:55,295 --> 01:08:58,211
I'm gonna be the straightest
man who's ever lived.
1003
01:08:58,295 --> 01:09:02,294
Und then I'll be famous.
You'll see. You'll see.
1004
01:09:26,129 --> 01:09:29,586
What's up, Arkansas?
How's everybody doing?
1005
01:09:32,088 --> 01:09:34,461
You guys ready to see
a little ass kicking tonight?
1006
01:09:36,212 --> 01:09:39,545
Make some noise, everybody. Put your
hands together. Make some noise
1007
01:09:39,629 --> 01:09:44,753
for the host of the brand-new TV show,
Straight Dave's Man Slammin' Maxout.
1008
01:09:44,963 --> 01:09:49,087
Give it up
for Straight Dave!
1009
01:09:50,379 --> 01:09:54,211
Straight Dave.
Straight Dave.
1010
01:10:13,754 --> 01:10:16,962
Are you ready for some
man-slamming action?
1011
01:10:18,421 --> 01:10:22,086
Who's ready for an
old-fashioned heterofest?
1012
01:10:24,629 --> 01:10:28,712
Are you 100%
hetero like me?
1013
01:10:37,129 --> 01:10:39,753
Who out there is
proud to be straight?
1014
01:10:41,879 --> 01:10:44,753
Let me hear you
say straight pride.
1015
01:10:44,963 --> 01:10:46,294
Straight pride.
1016
01:10:46,379 --> 01:10:48,045
Straight pride.
1017
01:10:48,129 --> 01:10:49,545
Straight pride.
1018
01:10:49,921 --> 01:10:53,628
I am so straight that
when I bought my house,
1019
01:10:53,713 --> 01:10:57,211
the first thing I did
was brick up the back door.
1020
01:11:00,587 --> 01:11:04,628
You know why? Because my
asshole's just for shitting.
1021
01:11:04,713 --> 01:11:06,294
Let me hear you say that.
1022
01:11:06,379 --> 01:11:08,878
My asshole's
just for shitting.
1023
01:11:09,629 --> 01:11:13,003
It's great to have an evening
with straight people.
1024
01:11:13,087 --> 01:11:15,920
It's great not to
have any fags here.
1025
01:11:16,004 --> 01:11:17,628
You're a faggot!
1026
01:11:18,713 --> 01:11:20,670
Who called me a faggot?
1027
01:11:21,212 --> 01:11:25,169
Whoever called me a faggot come up
here, and I'll beat your Arsch.
1028
01:11:25,587 --> 01:11:28,712
Who called Straight Dave
a faggot? Come up here.
1029
01:11:38,713 --> 01:11:40,086
Let him in.
1030
01:11:46,671 --> 01:11:50,169
Who wants to see me
beat this fag's ass?
1031
01:11:52,170 --> 01:11:54,545
Who wants me
to beat this...
1032
01:11:56,796 --> 01:11:57,795
Fuck him up!
1033
01:11:57,879 --> 01:11:59,211
Get him, motherfucker!
1034
01:12:02,421 --> 01:12:04,378
Beat his fucking ass!
1035
01:12:21,170 --> 01:12:22,628
Kick his ass!
1036
01:12:49,003 --> 01:12:50,420
Fucking fag!
1037
01:12:53,879 --> 01:12:57,378
Homo! Queer fags!
Motherfuckers!
1038
01:13:14,212 --> 01:13:16,378
Stop! Stop!
1039
01:13:23,170 --> 01:13:26,837
Get out of my town.
You all are sick.
1040
01:13:30,129 --> 01:13:34,169
Tell him we don't have no faggots here in
Arkansas. Take that shit somewhere else.
1041
01:13:35,878 --> 01:13:38,503
You pussy-ass
faggot motherfucker!
1042
01:14:01,878 --> 01:14:04,086
Fuck that shit!
1043
01:14:04,170 --> 01:14:05,837
Fuck that shit!
1044
01:14:05,920 --> 01:14:09,294
Fuck that shit!
Fuck that shit!
1045
01:14:27,045 --> 01:14:32,545
The footage went everywhere,
und Brüno became über famous.
1046
01:14:34,045 --> 01:14:38,044
As for Lutz, we decided to
get married in California.
1047
01:14:39,003 --> 01:14:42,378
But because of the law,
we had to be a bit inventive.
1048
01:14:42,713 --> 01:14:45,753
I feel this is the biggest step
you'll ever make in your lifetime.
1049
01:14:46,337 --> 01:14:48,128
It's a very big moment.
That's right.
1050
01:14:48,212 --> 01:14:51,336
Am I going to be able to meet
her before we actually start?
1051
01:14:51,421 --> 01:14:52,545
Sure.
1052
01:15:05,337 --> 01:15:08,753
I... I don't marry
two men or two women.
1053
01:15:08,962 --> 01:15:12,420
If she's a man, then how did
it give birth to our son?
1054
01:15:14,795 --> 01:15:17,545
You gave birth to
a little black child?
1055
01:15:17,962 --> 01:15:19,044
Yes.
1056
01:15:20,045 --> 01:15:22,211
When did you
have the baby?
1057
01:15:22,546 --> 01:15:25,670
I don't even know why
I'm asking that question.
1058
01:15:26,795 --> 01:15:29,128
But even though
marriage was a nicht-nicht,
1059
01:15:29,212 --> 01:15:31,503
we weren't
gonna let it get us down.
1060
01:15:31,587 --> 01:15:34,128
We were happy.
We had each other.
1061
01:15:34,212 --> 01:15:35,961
And we had O.J. Back,
1062
01:15:36,504 --> 01:15:39,211
although he did cost us
a MacBook Pro.
1063
01:15:39,962 --> 01:15:42,420
Plus, ich was now
so famous
1064
01:15:42,504 --> 01:15:46,752
that I was able to record
mein very own charity video.
1065
01:15:55,546 --> 01:15:57,253
I've written a song
1066
01:15:57,753 --> 01:16:02,503
that I hope is gonna
bring the world together
1067
01:16:08,546 --> 01:16:12,002
Put down your guns and bombs
1068
01:16:12,837 --> 01:16:15,961
and just make love forever
1069
01:16:16,462 --> 01:16:17,836
Okay, then.
1070
01:16:22,087 --> 01:16:25,044
He's come to heal the world
1071
01:16:26,045 --> 01:16:28,336
and make all nations calmer
1072
01:16:35,003 --> 01:16:38,794
I am the Austrian Jesus
1073
01:16:39,212 --> 01:16:42,586
He is the white Obama
1074
01:16:43,129 --> 01:16:44,877
He's the white Obama
1075
01:16:48,421 --> 01:16:51,461
War's just based
on hate and fear
1076
01:16:51,546 --> 01:16:54,836
Stop fighting,
North and South Korea
1077
01:16:55,629 --> 01:16:58,670
You're both
basically Chinese
1078
01:16:58,920 --> 01:17:01,461
And he's Brüno,
dove of peace
1079
01:17:01,546 --> 01:17:04,378
Hey, yo, Brüno,
where the bitches at?
1080
01:17:05,212 --> 01:17:07,877
You are Brüno,
dove of peace
1081
01:17:07,962 --> 01:17:11,378
You do it, fashion
model You got the cute hos
1082
01:17:11,795 --> 01:17:15,545
You are Brüno,
dove of peace
1083
01:17:16,795 --> 01:17:18,461
You know, I love black guys.
I'm a chocoholic.
1084
01:17:18,546 --> 01:17:21,752
Du bist Brüno,
dove of peace
1085
01:17:21,837 --> 01:17:23,503
Brüno wants peace.
1086
01:17:23,670 --> 01:17:27,586
Either we gonna have peace, or
we gonna have motherfucking war.
1087
01:17:28,254 --> 01:17:31,211
I have a dream
for the Third World
1088
01:17:31,920 --> 01:17:35,420
Clean water,
food and teaching
1089
01:17:41,212 --> 01:17:44,711
In every village
and every town
1090
01:17:45,421 --> 01:17:48,545
a place for
anal bleaching
1091
01:17:54,546 --> 01:17:58,002
We need to rid
the world of hunger
1092
01:17:58,087 --> 01:18:01,461
I'm like Bono,
except much younger
1093
01:18:01,962 --> 01:18:04,961
He's only 19
1094
01:18:05,045 --> 01:18:07,877
Ich bin Brüno,
dove of peace
1095
01:18:10,045 --> 01:18:13,211
Hey, hey, he gay, he gay
1096
01:18:14,170 --> 01:18:15,253
Okay.81707
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.