All language subtitles for Just Roll With It s01e05 Date Fright.eng

Tobie:
Welcome to "Just Roll With It"!

(theme music plays)

‐♪♪
‐(kids cheering)

♪♪

♪ Na na na na
na na na na ♪

‐(bell rings)
‐(audience cheering)

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

‐(bell rings)
‐(audience cheering)

Tobie:
Woo!

Tobie:
(yelling) Yes!

Yes!

Welcome to "Just Roll With It"!

(audience cheering)

This is the only show

in the history of TV

that tapes in front of
a live studio audience.

(audience cheering)

Um, that's definitely
not true.

‐(audience laughs)
‐Really?

Okay, so it's not the only show

that tapes in front of
a live studio audience.

But, it is the only show
that lets the audience vote

on what happens to us.

(audience cheering)

So, when you hear
this sound:

‐(foghorn blares)
‐(Ramon laughs)

Three options will pop up
for you to vote on.

We can't see,
and whatever you decide,

‐we have to...
‐All: "Just Roll With It"!

(audience cheering)

Tobie:
Let's start the show!

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na
na na na na ♪

I am so pumped for tonight.

Me, too.
Only a few more hours

till Mom and Byron's
date night.

Then it's sweet, sweet
unsupervised freedom.

I've been waiting
my entire life to be left home alone.

Tonight, we finally
get to live like adults.

And we're still too young
to be thrown in jail.

I made a list
of fun things to do

once Mr. and Mrs. Buzzkill
beat it.

Oh.

Oh!

(screaming):
Oh!

Blair, you're not right.

Aw, thanks.

We can't screw things up
tonight.

If we ace this,
we'll never have a babysitter ever again.

First, it's two hours alone.

Then they trust us
with the whole weekend.

And before you know it,
they move out,

and we can put on
their clothes and get jobs!

What are you talking about?

Jobs, Blair.
Real jobs, with benefits!

Wow.
Even your dreams are lame.

The point is, the moment
they walk out that door begins

‐the greatest night
of our lives! ‐Shh!

I don't want to bum
Rachel and Dad out

when they see
how excited we are to get rid of them.

I am so excited
to get rid of the kids tonight!

Shh! I don't want
to bum them out

when they see
how pumped we are to ditch 'em!

It's healthy for us to spend
some time away from them.

This is our first real date
since the wedding.

You've earned this.

We've earned this.

Actually, you're right.
I've earned this.

I can't believe
we're finally going to Chez Cascade!

Although I have a feeling
a fancy place like that

isn't gonna let you
wear a hat.

Right. That happened.
You know what? Hat stays on.

What time's the reservation?

Right!

Reservation. Um...

That is a great question.

One of the best questions
I've ever heard.

One that can be
easily answered

by checking my thing
in the other room real quick.

Hi. Yes. This is
local radio celebrity Byron Blatt,

‐and I was hoping I can
make a reservation‐‐ ‐Dad.

Shh. Yeah, make
a reservation tonight

‐for two people‐‐
‐(woman laughing on phone)

I'm sorry,
are you laughing at me?

Oh, so that's how you want
to play it. Okay‐‐

‐Dad!
‐We'll see‐‐ We'll see who's laughing

when I talk about this
on the radio and unleash the fury

of my very dedicated listeners,

on your overpriced excuse

‐for a restaurant‐‐
‐Dad, I already made a reservation.

I will see you tonight.
Thank you so much. I'm looking forward to it.

My boy, you saved me!

Come on, go.
Show's live in two. Where's The Gator?

It's his kid's birthday,
so he's up at the prison.

‐(phone rings)
‐Hey. You know the rules.

Phones on silent
when we're live.

Rachel, I'm so responsible
that I turned my phone to silent

as soon as I walked in here.

Aw! He thinks people
are gonna call him!

Kids, we're leaving.
Come pretend you're sad to see us go.

Whoa, Mom!

You look, like,
20 years younger.

Aw.

Thank you, sweetie.
I know that was meant as a compliment,

so I'll ignore
how offended I am.

Come on.
We don't want to be late. Love you, kids.

We'll be home around 9:30.
Call us if you need anything.

Don't do anything dangerous.

Or exciting. Or fun.

Roger that, Rachel.

Don't worry about us.

I've got so much
homework to do.

‐We're gonna miss you kids.
‐Not as much as we'll miss you.

Whew!

Now I can do homework
without any distractions.

‐In three... two...
‐Caught ya!

Doing your homework.
(laughs softly)

Carry on.

No parents! Woo!

Anarchy!

The king is dead,
and the kids are storming the sofa.

Blair!

Blair! They've been gone
for less than 10 seconds,

and you've already
forgotten Rachel's no shoes on the couch rule!

Oh, I didn't forget.

I didn't forget at all.

Reckless disregard
for the rules?

That's the worst kind
of disregard.

Blair, if you
blow this for us,

we could be facing
eternal supervision.

Only if we get caught,

which I won't,
because I'm great at everything.

‐(doorbell rings)
‐A stranger. Our first test.

Likely a spy
hired by Rachel and Dad.

Take it easy, dude.

I just ordered dinner
from my favorite restaurant.

‐Just because you're not‐‐
‐(foghorn blares)

(audience cheering)

Host: Okay, audience.
You see your choices.

‐(bell dings)
‐ One, two, or three.

You guys vote
on what you want to happen next.

Our actors are
leaving the stage

so we can prepare your choice.

Lock in your vote.

I don't know what
they're about to throw at us,

but it's gonna be good.

It's fun when things
happen to you.

'Cause it gets you
the excitement,

and, you know,
all the jitters. It's like, ooh!

Host:
Okay, that's it. Votes are in.

Director:
Let's go have some fun, guys.

I feel like our kids
are alone without us, like, for real.

Host:
Let's go back to the scene.

I'm so scared.

Director:
Ready, and... action!

Take it easy, dude.

I just ordered dinner
from my favorite restaurant.

Just because you're
not gonna take advantage of our freedom

doesn't mean I can't.

Greetings, Blair.

I have your order
from Yoga Burger.

‐(bell dinging)
‐Blair: Oh!

As you know,
when you order our

famous goat cheese burger
from Yoga Burger,

you get... a free...

baby goat yoga session.

‐Yes.
‐(audience cheering)

I've been dying
to do one of those.

‐Oh, my gosh.
‐Poochie: Bring on the goats.

‐Audience: Aw!
‐(goats bleating)

There you go.

‐(bleating)
‐Why do they have diapers?

‐'Cause goats poop.
‐I do, too.

(audience laughs)

What happens to the goats
after the yoga?

‐Do they become the burger?
‐Okay, Owen, that's enough questions.

Poochie:
Now, I want you guys to follow me.

And our first pose is...
child's pose.

‐Okay.
‐So we go down

‐to the ground like this.
‐Blair: Okay.

‐Putting our hands down.
‐Blair: Okay.

‐Now we sit back
on our feet like this. ‐(Blair squeals)

‐(Blair yells)
‐Owen: Oh, my gosh.

‐This is very relaxing.
‐(goats bleating)

Isn't that great?

Their sharp little feet
sure are lovely.

‐(bleating)
‐Are those diapers still on?

(audience laughing)

Excuse me. Excu‐‐
Okay.

‐(audience laughing)
‐Owen: Okay. Excuse me.

Here we go.
Follow me again. Yes, here we go.

Heads up.
Heads up‐‐

‐Oh, yeah.
‐Okay.

Ow, ow, ow.
Ow! Ow!

I know.
Just hang in there, brother. Hang in there.

It smells like
one of their diapers is filled with goat cheese.

(audience laughing)

Well, I gotta go change
these goats' diapers.

‐Blair: Okay.
‐Namaste.

‐Bye, goats. See you later.
‐Bye‐bye, goats.

‐(bleating)
‐(audience cheering)

(sighs)

Well, I'm covered
in goat urine,

but I'm super relaxed.
This night rocks.

If Dad and Rachel were home,

we would have
never been able to do this.

See, Owen?
Isn't it fun to live a little?

Let your freak flag fly.

Okay. Let's see what else
you've got on that list.

(audience cheering)

(bleating)

♪♪

Here we are.

Can I get you two sparkling
or still water to drink?

‐Oh.
‐What region is the still water from?

It's from the sink, sir.

I bet they have
fancy sinks here.

Two of your finest sink waters.

Wonderful, wonderful.

And to get you started,
might I recommend our most famous dish.

‐Oh.
‐The chef's special is‐‐

Say no more, garcon.
I'll never turn down

something that's both
famous and special.

‐One for the table.
‐Aha.

Yes, sir.

Oh. Crab cakes.
Owen's favorite.

Ah. I tried so hard
to get Blair to eat seafood when she was little.

I'd mix it into her potatoes,

deep fry it,
try to slingshot it into her mouth

when she was watching TV.
But this one time‐‐

Honey, I love you,
but you gotta stop talking about the kids.

We only have
two short hours together.

No Owen or Blair talk
until we get home. Deal?

I snuck tuna
into her grilled cheese and she never knew.

There. I said it.
You're totally right. Deal.

Just think, in a few years
when the kids are off at college,

or whatever
Blair ends up doing,

this is what our life
is gonna be like,

every night!
(giggles)

Twelve dollars for bread?

Maybe this is what our life
will be like once a month.

(both sigh)

This is just
a little sneak‐peak

of what our lives
are gonna be like

all the time
when we're adults.

Man, I am loving
this bad‐boy lifestyle.

I hope I don't love it
too much

and end up chasing this rush
my whole life,

wake up in my 40s
and realize,

I've built nothing for myself,
my kids won't talk to me,

and I'm dating a girl
named Chandelier

who thinks she's psychic!

Yeah. Same.

I guess.

Is it gross to put
syrup on onion rings?

Not at all.

Onions are vegetables,
and syrup comes from trees.

So, they're basically
a vegetable, too.

It's pretty much a salad,
when you think about it.

Can't argue with that logic.

Let's see what's next
on my night of freedom list.

Ooh! Finally watch
"The Fugitive Files."

‐What's that?
‐It's a show about real‐life criminals,

who are still on the run.

So... like...

they're still out there.

You bet.
Never caught.

All I gotta do is
figure out the passcode

to these dumb
parental controls.

I know the passcode.

Dad's afraid of technology,
so I set it up for him.

You're the one who set up
our parental controls?

‐Uh, yeah.
‐Then turn 'em off, you adult sympathizer!

How do you sleep at night
putting parental controls on your own kind?

I don't know.
I am a bad boy now.

But I'd prefer
a gradual descent into corruption.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought since you
skipped a grade,

you'd be mature enough
to be your own parental control.

Give me that remote.

One, one, one, one.

I had to make it
so Dad would remember it.

TV Announcer:
"The Fugitive Files" is for adults only .

Kids should not be watching.

‐I'm sorry, sir,
but the manager said‐‐ ‐(foghorn blares)

(audience cheering)

♪♪

‐(bell dings)
‐Host: Okay, audience.

You get to decide
what happens to Mom and Dad.

‐I hope they vote for pizza.
‐(laughs)

Boy, oh, boy,
do I not like eating gross stuff.

I'm giving all
the gross stuff to you.

Like a true gentleman.

You're still gonna do
scripted dialogue.

We can take it
from the very top of the scene.

Host: Votes are in.
Now back to the scene.

Man:
Rolling.

Director:
Action!

As you know,
the chef's special appetizer

is a whole new take
on the classic that we call:

"Blind Date."

‐(dinging)
‐Oh.

‐Okay.
‐We here believe that

one's senses
are better dulled

to enjoy the food.

Oh, do I wash my hands
with this?

(laughs)

‐It's fancy‐fancy.
‐Rachel: I love it.

Rachel/Byron:
Oh!

‐Okay.
‐Rachel: Okay.

‐Byron: Ha, ha.
‐Okay.

Mm.
(laughs)

Now, the chef recommends
that the blind date

is an experience
that's meant to be shared with a loved one.

‐So, please, feed one another.
‐Byron: Yes!

‐(audience exclaiming)
‐Oh, I love this.

Nothing bad ever happens
when you're blindfolded.

(yells): Oh! Oh!

This feels scrumptious.

(audience laughing)

If I feel a hand
go near my wallet, I'm coming up swinging.

Don't worry, baby.

(groaning)

Audience:
Oh! Ew!

That's good.

‐(smacks lips)
‐Should I try it?

Yeah, here you go, baby.
Here, I got this right here for you.

(muffled): All right.
Are you giving me one?

Where you at?
Where you at?

‐There you go.
‐Mm.

(laughing):
Don't bite my finger, baby, come on.

‐Byron? Baby?
‐Mm‐hmm?

You know what the first thing
I ever noticed about you was?

‐(laughs)
My hulking muscles? ‐Rachel: Ha.

‐More like your imagination.
‐(both laughing)

And your kind eyes.

Hold on.
Let me give you some food.

♪ What is that?
I don't know what it is ♪

Audience:
Ew!

‐Here you go, baby.
‐I'll tell you wh‐‐

‐Oh!
‐(audience laughing)

‐Oh!
‐Byron: Ew!

Rachel:
Oh, that...

(smacks lips)
I've gotta get that recipe.

It's wallpaper paste?

Byron:
Mm.

You know the other thing
I love about you

is your flawless skin.
It's so soft!

I wish I could
turn you into a coat

and wear you around
during the winter.

Oh!

Adorable and creepy.

(softly):
It is a little creepy.

‐Let me feed you something
for that. ‐Byron: Okay.

I think we had that,
but let's do a combo.

Don't use a fork.
I want to keep my eyes.

‐See if you can catch this.
‐Okay.

‐Ah!
‐(audience laughing)

‐Byron:
You missed, you missed. ‐All right. Here we go.

‐Aah! You hit my Mohawk.
‐Rachel: Oh!

Aah! That felt‐‐
That was like a fastball, baby.

You know,
I'm not getting anything.

‐Here, baby,
‐Here. Give me your mouth.

‐Come on, gimme‐‐
‐Give me your face.

‐Give me your face, baby.
‐Whoa, whoa. Wait.

‐Byron: Mm.
‐Rachel: Mm.

(audience exclaiming)

Mm.

This is good, baby.
Come here. Come here, boo‐boo!

‐I'm here.
‐Byron: Come here. Mm.

Audience:
Ew! Oh!

I do hope you enjoyed your...

‐...blind date appetizers.
‐Rachel: Mm.

Where's the pepper?

‐Your entrees will be out
in a bit. ‐Rachel: Oh.

‐Thank you so much.
‐I appreciate it.

You don't think
we jumped the gun

by leaving the kids
home alone, do you?

Baby, if we would have
paid for a babysitter,

we wouldn't be able to afford
all this fancy bread.

Let's just try to relax.

I'm gonna text Blair
real quick.

There we go.

All right.
(clears throat)

‐What'd she say?
‐Well, she hasn't responded.

What? That's not like Blair.
She usually texts right back.

All right. What about
the little bubble things that show she's typing?

Zero bubbles.
It's completely bubble‐less.

That's it.
I'm calling Owen.

TV Announcer:
They thought a lock on their door

would keep them safe.

The door's locked.
Right?

Yeah.

TV Announcer:
They were wrong.

Better safe than sorry.

(phone vibrates)

Owen would never
not answer one of my calls.

That's why he's my
emergency contact.

Do you think we should‐‐
Wait? Owen's your emergency contact?

Duh! He's the most
responsible person I know.

‐What about me?
‐He and I have more history.

Okay, still stings.

Should we ask a neighbor
to go check on the kids?

Great idea.
I'll call Jake Maxwells.

His girlfriend just
broke up with him,

‐so he's usually
at home crying. ‐Rachel: All right.

TV Announcer:
In the past,

Hank, whose weapon of choice
was a meat hook,

would wait for his victims
to fall asleep.

But now, he knocks
right at their front door.

Turn it off!
Turn it off!

(both sigh)

I wasn't scared or anything.
It was just...

boring.

Totally. Soooo boring.

(pounding on door)

(both scream)

It's Hank the Hook Man
from "The Fugitive Files"!

I'm freaking out here, man!
He's totally gonna hook us!

‐We're as good as hooked!
‐You did this to us!

You made me break the rules.
Now the universe is mad at us,

and it sent a raging lunatic
to exact its revenge!

(pounding)

(both scream)

Arm yourself!
We're not letting that dead‐eyed drifter

take us down
without a fight!

Try to stay calm.
Deep breaths.

Jake's checking on them.

‐(phone beeps)
‐That's him.

Hey, Jake.

What do you mean
it looks like nobody's home?

That's it.
We're headed back.

Keep your voices down.
This is not a chain restaurant.

Save it, Pierre.
Our kids need us.

I'm getting my money's worth.

(audience cheering)

‐How do you feel?
‐Suzi: Good.

‐We're good.
‐Now that I see it,

I'm like,
"Oh, that's what it is."

But it's like, not seeing it,
you're like, "What is this?"

(laughing)

♪♪

Only one more hour
till they're home.

Barbeque sauce,
locked and loaded.

Bring it on.

If everything's fine in there,
I'm never yelling at them again.

Something's blocking it.
Stand back.

‐(thuds)
‐(yells)

My arm! It's useless.
We'll never get in.

(groans)

Military shoulders,
don't fail me now!

(yelling)

Attack!

(squirting)

Byron:
Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Hold your fire!

‐Dad?
‐Byron/Rachel: Kids?

Is this barbeque sauce?

Mm!

Why is this place
such a wreck?

We thought you were
Hank the Hook Man,

so... we set traps.

‐(foghorn blares)
‐(audience cheering)

‐(bell dings)
‐Host: Okay. This is the last vote.

What sort of trap
did the kids make?

Lock in your choices.

So close!
(laughs)

Is this not enough?
Is this not enough?

Host:
And let's go back to the scene.

Director:
Action!

Is this barbeque sauce?

Mm!

Why is this place
such a wreck?

We thought you were
Hank the Hook Man,

so, we set traps.

(bell ringing)

Owen/Blair:
No. Oh, no! No, no, no!

Both:
Oh!

‐(splashing)
‐Owen/Blair: Oh!

(audience laughing)

‐(bell dings)
‐(audience cheering)

Blair:
Uh‐oh.

You know, guys,
that color looks great on ya.

Thanks.

Think of yourselves
as modern art.

Oh. We forgot about
one more surprise.

‐Oh, yeah.
‐(alarm blares)

‐(Blair gasps) Oh, no!
‐Oh, no! Oh, no!

Sorry!

(audience cheering)

I'm so sorry!

‐Byron: (laughs) Okay...
‐All right.

‐All right.
‐Okay.

We decided to go old school.

Yeah. You got into
my military box, didn't you?

‐Yeah.
‐You know what?

I don't think we're quite ready
to leave you two alone yet.

I don't think we're quite ready
to be left alone yet, either.

Oh, that's good,

because you're both
grounded until you're 18.

Audience:
Oh!

‐And that's our show!
‐And that's our show!

♪ Na na na na
na na na na ♪

(audience cheering)

♪♪

♪ Na na na na
na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na
na na na na ♪

(cheering continues)

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