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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,395 --> 00:00:04,569 2 00:00:04,613 --> 00:00:06,223 - What's this meeting about? 3 00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:07,659 Did someone find my meatball sub? 4 00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,139 - A, we would never have a meeting about that. 5 00:00:09,183 --> 00:00:10,575 B, you are holding it. - Oh. 6 00:00:10,619 --> 00:00:11,794 [chuckles] Meeting adjourned. 7 00:00:11,837 --> 00:00:13,317 - Meeting's not over, dummy. 8 00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:14,623 Terry said he had some news from the office 9 00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:16,103 of Commissioner Wuntch. - [groans] 10 00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:17,843 What does that human blister want now? 11 00:00:17,887 --> 00:00:19,976 Does she intend to demote me even further? 12 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,326 Or perhaps she'll transfer me to the swamps of New Jersey 13 00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:24,807 so I can patrol the sinkhole where she was spawned. 14 00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:26,635 - Or it's possible the announcement has nothing 15 00:00:26,678 --> 00:00:28,071 to do with you. - Oh, good thinking, Peralta. 16 00:00:28,115 --> 00:00:29,203 You're right. 17 00:00:29,246 --> 00:00:30,378 Maybe Madeline wants to inform 18 00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:31,466 us all that she's a Cheuksin. 19 00:00:31,509 --> 00:00:33,163 - A what? - A Cheuksin. 20 00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,078 A Korean toilet ghost, lives in an outhouse, 21 00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:37,733 wraps her hair around your throat and chokes you to death 22 00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,343 while you move your bowels. - You know what? 23 00:00:39,387 --> 00:00:41,824 I will give you $6,000 if the announcement 24 00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:43,086 is she's a Cheuksin. 25 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,523 - Okay, everyone. I have some news. 26 00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,917 - That Madeline Wuntch is a Korean toilet ghost? 27 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,962 Boring. We already knew that. 28 00:00:50,006 --> 00:00:51,921 - Madeline Wuntch is dead. 29 00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:53,053 - Say what now? 30 00:00:53,096 --> 00:00:56,056 [upbeat music] 31 00:00:56,099 --> 00:01:03,193 ♪ 32 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,379 - Wait, Wuntch is dead? - Yeah. 33 00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:17,294 The Commissioner's office just notified us. 34 00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:18,556 - No way that's true. 35 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,471 As Wuntch says when she sees deodorant, 36 00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:22,125 "I'm not buying it." - [laughs] 37 00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,258 - Sir, she's dead. - Oh, Terry. 38 00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:26,912 Zombies can't die. This is some sort of scam. 39 00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:28,436 If she were dead, 40 00:01:28,479 --> 00:01:29,915 we would be hearing the sounds of children 41 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:31,395 singing in the streets. - I don't know, sir. 42 00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:33,049 You didn't believe it when we told you 43 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,572 the Disco Strangler died, either. 44 00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:35,878 - And I was right. He was faking it. 45 00:01:35,921 --> 00:01:37,053 - Maybe she's alive. 46 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,402 - Why would Wuntch fake her own death? 47 00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,317 - The same reason she visits Mexico once a year 48 00:01:40,361 --> 00:01:41,927 and sucks the blood from all the goats. 49 00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:43,277 For kicks. 50 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,539 - Look, I don't know what to tell you, 51 00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:46,280 but she's dead. What do you want? 52 00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:48,369 To open up her coffin and check for yourself? 53 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:50,806 - Oh, she's very dead. 54 00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:52,373 - Hello, gentlemen. 55 00:01:52,416 --> 00:01:54,288 Guess who's walking the red carpet this Saturday? 56 00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:56,290 - Chord Overstreet. - Who? 57 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:57,943 - Sam Evans from "Glee." - No, me. 58 00:01:57,987 --> 00:02:00,120 Why would you guess that? I was clearly talking about me. 59 00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:01,425 - Okay, but for the record, 60 00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:02,687 I bet Chord Overstreet will also be walking one. 61 00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:04,211 - Stop talking about Chord Overstreet. 62 00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:05,342 No, I'm going to the world premiere 63 00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:07,823 of "Kwazy Kupcakes: The Movie." 64 00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:09,564 - Whoa! How'd you get the invite? 65 00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:11,261 - My buddy Mikey J. hooked me up. 66 00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:12,610 - Oh, your ska friend? Did he work on the movie? 67 00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:14,438 - No, he submitted an unsolicited script 68 00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:16,136 that a producer accidentally opened 69 00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:18,138 so legally they had to give him a "story by" credit, 70 00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:19,922 and now I've got four tickets. 71 00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,924 - Wow. So who you bringing? 72 00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:24,883 - You know, Cagney and Lacey love "Kwazy Kupcakes." 73 00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:27,277 They are crazy Kwazy fans. - Huh, cool. 74 00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:28,800 Well, if you guys are free this Saturday-- 75 00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:30,541 - Stop, before you say anything you regret, 76 00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:32,456 you should know that "Kwazy Kupcakes" 77 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,066 means a lot to Nikolaj. 78 00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:36,547 At the orphanage that game was his only friend. 79 00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:38,027 - Touching, but Cagney and Lacey 80 00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:39,333 don't have any friends at all. 81 00:02:39,376 --> 00:02:40,943 Maybe they can make some at this event. 82 00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:42,074 - So what do you say, Jake? 83 00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:43,467 Whose kids do you like more? - What? 84 00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:44,816 Wait, wait, wait. That's not what this is about. 85 00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:46,905 - No, Boyle's right. Whose kids do you like more? 86 00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:48,211 Tell us now. - Okay. 87 00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:49,604 You guys are being really intense. 88 00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,258 I like all of your kids an equal amount. 89 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:52,868 Just give me some space and I'll figure out 90 00:02:52,911 --> 00:02:54,652 who I'm gonna take. - Okay, backing off. 91 00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:56,176 - Stepping away. - Making room. 92 00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,742 - Letting you breathe. - Thank you. 93 00:02:57,786 --> 00:03:00,832 [cell phone chimes] 94 00:03:00,876 --> 00:03:03,618 Did you both just send me pictures of your kids crying? 95 00:03:03,661 --> 00:03:04,836 both: No. 96 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,883 - Ding, dong, the Wuntch is dead. 97 00:03:07,926 --> 00:03:10,015 Bagels for everyone! 98 00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:11,495 - So I guess you believe it now. 99 00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:12,888 - Yep. Wanna see the selfies I took? 100 00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:14,368 - Actually, yes. - I'll share the album with you. 101 00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:15,412 - Oh, my God! 102 00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:16,935 I just heard about Wuntch! 103 00:03:16,979 --> 00:03:18,328 She was so young! 104 00:03:18,372 --> 00:03:19,851 - For a redwood tree. 105 00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:21,505 Uh, I don't understand what's going on. 106 00:03:21,549 --> 00:03:23,507 Why are you crying? - A person is dead. 107 00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:25,901 I feel sad. - That's insane. 108 00:03:25,944 --> 00:03:27,511 You don't feel sad when a monster dies 109 00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:28,686 in a monster movie. 110 00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:29,861 In "E.T.," 111 00:03:29,905 --> 00:03:31,646 do you feel sad when E.T. dies? 112 00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:33,169 - Yes. - He wasn't a monster. 113 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,476 - He caused a real commotion. - It isn't just Wuntch. 114 00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,217 I started seeing a fertility doctor 115 00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:39,828 and she has me taking hormones to help with ovulation 116 00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:42,352 and my emotions are in overdrive. 117 00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:44,702 - Well, I know just the thing to cheer you up. 118 00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:47,444 Wuntch is dead! Bagel! 119 00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:49,533 Bagel! Bagel! 120 00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:51,709 - Sir, I am loving this color on you, 121 00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,233 but don't you think you should tone it down? 122 00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:54,712 - Why, in case I run into her family? 123 00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:56,018 I'm not planning any trips to the Bronx Zoo. 124 00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:57,541 - Wait. 125 00:03:57,585 --> 00:03:58,760 Does this mean you're gonna be captain again? 126 00:03:58,803 --> 00:03:59,717 - It does. 127 00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:00,892 The Chief of Personnel called 128 00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:02,633 to say the promotion is in the works. 129 00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:04,374 Her death means I've won. 130 00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:05,941 It's finally over. 131 00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:06,898 [cell phone chimes] 132 00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:11,642 An email from Madeline Wuntch? 133 00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:14,993 Subject line, "It's not over." 134 00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:16,473 - My friends, 135 00:04:16,517 --> 00:04:18,910 I have a proclamation to bestow upon ye. 136 00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,303 - Why are you talking like that? 137 00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:21,565 - And why'd you have us come in here? 138 00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:22,871 Is this about the tickets? 139 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,786 - It is indeed about said tickets, 140 00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:27,136 and said proclamation about said tickets is in fact-- 141 00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:29,399 - Jake, just tell us. No one is liking this. 142 00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:31,053 - I'm loving it. You sound so smart. 143 00:04:31,096 --> 00:04:33,882 - Oh, thank you, my loyal subject Charles. 144 00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:37,755 Now, as you know, this decision has been quite hard upon me-- 145 00:04:37,799 --> 00:04:41,455 title of mine sex tape--but I have made it at long last, 146 00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:45,502 and it is my decree that the recipient shall be... 147 00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:47,678 Both of you. - What? 148 00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:49,071 Did you talk to Mikey J. and get more tickets? 149 00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:50,159 - Indeed I did not, 150 00:04:50,202 --> 00:04:51,203 but it is my decision 151 00:04:51,247 --> 00:04:52,422 that I will cut all 152 00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:54,816 of said tickets in twain. - Twain? 153 00:04:54,859 --> 00:04:57,253 Terry doesn't want a twained ticket to "Kwazy Kupcakes." 154 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,820 - That's not how tickets work. 155 00:04:58,863 --> 00:05:00,125 - You'd just be ruining them. - None of us would get in. 156 00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:01,605 - Are you dumb? - No! 157 00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:02,824 All right, full disclosure. 158 00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:04,521 I was trying to do that Bible thing 159 00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:06,044 and then one of you was gonna take the high road 160 00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,394 and say that rather than see the tickets destroyed, 161 00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:08,351 you would just bow out, 162 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,439 and then that person 163 00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:10,353 was gonna get the tickets. 164 00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:11,746 - Nope. 165 00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:12,703 If I don't get them, no one does. 166 00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,270 - Agreed. Boyles or bust. 167 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,141 Cut them up. - I'm not gonna do that. 168 00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:17,839 I'm just gonna have to think of another way to figure this out. 169 00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:20,320 Stupid Bible with stupid lessons never solved crap! 170 00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:21,930 - So you were right. 171 00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,714 Wuntch was not able to claw through her coffin 172 00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:25,455 and write the email herself. 173 00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:27,239 It turns out, the lawyer for her estate sent it. 174 00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:29,067 - I wish I had taken the LSATs. 175 00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:32,506 Not to be a lawyer. just seems like a fun test. 176 00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:33,898 - Dude, you're bumming us out. - All right. 177 00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:36,466 Uh, the email contains a link to a video. 178 00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,163 I'm going to play it. Brace yourselves. 179 00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:39,382 If it shows Madeline, 180 00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,079 be sure not to look directly into her eyes. 181 00:05:41,123 --> 00:05:42,429 - Because we'll turn to stone? - No. 182 00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:44,213 Because her eyes are ugly. 183 00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:46,563 - Hello, Raymond. Surprised to see me? 184 00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:48,696 - Well, I didn't say Bloody Mary three times, 185 00:05:48,739 --> 00:05:50,698 so yes. - When did she record this? 186 00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:52,264 - Judging by the flames around her, 187 00:05:52,308 --> 00:05:53,265 it could be a livestream. - [laughs] 188 00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:55,398 Very good, Rosa. [laughs] 189 00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:57,792 - I'm sure you consider my untimely death a victory, 190 00:05:57,835 --> 00:05:59,533 but I'd never let you win. 191 00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:01,491 I told everyone that in my final days, 192 00:06:01,535 --> 00:06:05,277 we reconciled and you insisted on hosting and organizing 193 00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:07,279 my NYPD memorial service. 194 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:09,891 I know you won't be able to resist badmouthing me 195 00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:11,022 at the service. 196 00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:12,241 All the top brass will be there, 197 00:06:12,284 --> 00:06:13,285 and when you speak ill of me, 198 00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:14,678 it will end your career. 199 00:06:14,722 --> 00:06:17,028 It's over. I won. 200 00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:18,290 Bye, Raymond. 201 00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:20,292 - Oh, no. I'm doomed. 202 00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:21,859 - Seriously? 203 00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:23,426 All you have to do is not insult a dead woman 204 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:26,037 at her own memorial service. - Exactly. 205 00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:27,430 It's impossible. 206 00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:30,259 . 207 00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:32,435 - Oh, you must be feeling better. 208 00:06:32,479 --> 00:06:33,393 You're heating up your favorite meal; beans. 209 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:34,481 - They're refried. 210 00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:35,438 It's bad enough they were cooked once, 211 00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:36,700 let alone twice, 212 00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:38,354 and now the toaster oven makes it three times. 213 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,356 I couldn't be crying for help any louder. 214 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,010 - So I take it you couldn't get out 215 00:06:42,053 --> 00:06:43,577 of organizing Wuntch's memorial. 216 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:44,969 - Oh, no. It's impossible. 217 00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:46,536 She has bested me yet again. 218 00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:49,191 - Well then stop being such a moron, you idiot. 219 00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,323 - Amy! - Sorry, it's the hormones. 220 00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:52,673 They're making me really irritable. 221 00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:53,978 - Angry Amy's right. 222 00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:55,458 All you have to do is say a few nice comments 223 00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:57,199 during the memorial. - As God said 224 00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:58,983 when Wuntch tried to sneak past the gates into heaven, 225 00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:01,464 "It ain't happening, honey." - [laughs] 226 00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:04,162 - I tried to write a kind speech about her last night, 227 00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:06,295 and this is what came out. - Oh. 228 00:07:06,338 --> 00:07:08,210 It's, like, 20 pages long. 229 00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:11,082 - Why is it in all caps? - So I remember to yell it. 230 00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:13,520 - Oh, well, you obviously can't read any of this. 231 00:07:13,563 --> 00:07:16,131 - Look, since you can't say anything nice, 232 00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:18,829 try saying the opposite of whatever you're thinking. 233 00:07:18,873 --> 00:07:20,178 - Interesting. 234 00:07:20,222 --> 00:07:21,397 I'll give it a whirl. 235 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:26,141 Madeline Wuntch was... 236 00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:28,360 A friend. - See? 237 00:07:28,404 --> 00:07:29,536 It's not that hard to say something ni-- 238 00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:31,451 oh, you're vomiting. - [gagging] 239 00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,931 - Hi, Jake. It's me, Nikolaj. 240 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:34,845 - Hey, bud. What are you doing here? 241 00:07:34,889 --> 00:07:36,107 It's Thursday. 242 00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:37,152 Shouldn't you be at tailoring class? 243 00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:38,588 - I want to say thank you. 244 00:07:38,632 --> 00:07:40,068 Dad said that you were giving us tickets 245 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,896 to the "Kwazy Kupcakes" movie. 246 00:07:41,939 --> 00:07:45,421 - Oh, he did, did he? Excuse me one second. 247 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,250 Of all the twisted moves! - Don't hate the player. 248 00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,773 Go ahead. Tell Niko he's not going. 249 00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:50,861 I dare you. - [snarls] 250 00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:52,080 [laughs] Hey, listen. 251 00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:53,516 [clears throat] 252 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,822 Niko, there's something I gotta tell you. 253 00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:56,432 both: Uncle Jake! Uncle Jake! 254 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,043 - Slow down, girls. No need to run. 255 00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:01,089 Uncle Jake is family. 256 00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:03,526 Now, what do you wanna say to Uncle Jake? 257 00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:05,876 both: Thank you for the tickets. 258 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,617 - Oh, that's so cute how you said that 259 00:08:07,661 --> 00:08:09,924 at the same time without rehearsing it in the car. 260 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:11,752 - It sure is. Hey, Terry, Charles, 261 00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:13,405 can I speak with you in the break room for a moment? 262 00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:16,060 Uh, hey, kids, look at this. 263 00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:17,105 Pimping out your kids? 264 00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:18,541 I hate to say this, but you two 265 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,587 are acting like bad dads, and I should know. 266 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,327 One time my father forgot to pick me up from school 267 00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:24,112 'cause he was having sex with my best friend's mom. 268 00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:25,200 - Oh, my God. That's terrible. 269 00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:26,331 - Yeah. I was 15. 270 00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:27,811 I just walked to the mall 271 00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,204 and watched "Empire Records" by myself, 272 00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:30,988 but the point is, you're both acting ridiculous. 273 00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,686 - No, this is on you, Jake. 274 00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,731 You need to make a choice. - That's not fair. 275 00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:37,865 You both want to go and I don't want to hurt either of you. 276 00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:39,344 But maybe I don't have to. 277 00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:42,043 I can let fate hurt you. We'll flip a coin. 278 00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:44,698 Terry, call it in the air. Heads or tails. 279 00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:46,613 - [grunts] Neither. 280 00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:47,918 - Oh, my God. 281 00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,572 Did you just fold my quarter in half? 282 00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:50,921 - Fate's a bitch. 283 00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,836 You make the choice. 284 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,317 - Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. 285 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,146 Just so you know, I would never bend your money. 286 00:08:58,189 --> 00:08:59,539 - Yeah, 'cause you can't. - Correct, I cannot. 287 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,671 - No one can. How did he do that? 288 00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:04,456 - Now these fertility drugs are making me sweat. 289 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:05,632 Is it noticeable? - No. 290 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:06,937 - Yes. - Oh. 291 00:09:06,981 --> 00:09:08,199 I thought we were gonna lie to her 292 00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:09,636 because it's so upsetting to look at. 293 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,333 - Just tell me what room the memorial is in. 294 00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:12,813 We don't have a lot of time to set up. 295 00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:13,944 - About that. 296 00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:15,032 Yesterday before you convinced me 297 00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,817 to hold a respectful service, 298 00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:20,211 I sent some instructions for how I wanted the room to look. 299 00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:23,084 We may need to make some tweaks. 300 00:09:23,127 --> 00:09:26,174 [shocking music] 301 00:09:26,217 --> 00:09:29,003 - So many balloon arches. - I know. 302 00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:31,309 It all has to go. Okay! 303 00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:33,616 Everyone, we have work to do. 304 00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,183 [organ music] 305 00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:36,184 Better? - Much. 306 00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,272 - But to be clear, 307 00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:38,534 the first version was dope 308 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,796 and you have my respect for life. 309 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,015 - Excuse me. 310 00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:43,626 Is this the memorial for Madeline Wuntch? 311 00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:47,195 - Yes, this is the memorial for Madeline Wuntch. 312 00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:50,764 Just saying her name brings tears to my eyes. 313 00:09:50,807 --> 00:09:53,157 - Why, because her heart was made of onions? 314 00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:54,245 - Excuse me? 315 00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:55,551 - Madeline Wuntch was what you get 316 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,684 when you cross a slug with an anal fissure. 317 00:09:57,727 --> 00:10:01,165 We spent our entire lives trying to destroy each other. 318 00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:03,777 I was her one true nemesis. 319 00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:07,607 ♪ 320 00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:09,347 - No. 321 00:10:09,391 --> 00:10:10,348 - Hey there, Jake. 322 00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:11,915 I felt bad about folding 323 00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:12,916 your quarter in half, 324 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,397 so I got you a new one. 325 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:18,269 - Thank you. But that's not a quarter. 326 00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:19,401 - Wow, you're right. 327 00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:21,359 That happens to be an 1883 328 00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,535 Carson City silver dollar in near-mint condition 329 00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:24,885 complete with commemorative case. 330 00:10:24,928 --> 00:10:26,060 [whistles] 331 00:10:26,103 --> 00:10:28,715 That's gotta be worth $138. 332 00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:29,759 You know what? Keep it. 333 00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:30,978 - Shame. 334 00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:32,457 Shame, Terrence Jeffords, shame! 335 00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,981 You probably didn't realize this, Jake, 336 00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:36,070 but the lieutenant over here is trying to bribe you. 337 00:10:36,113 --> 00:10:37,332 - Yeah, I don't think he's hiding that. 338 00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:39,073 - I am not. - Well, neither am I. 339 00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:41,162 Here's a check for $200. 340 00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:43,338 - Another silver dollar. 341 00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:45,296 Ooh, looks like I'm up to 276. 342 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:48,604 - Well, here's a second check for $77. 343 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,737 I am up one dollar. - Four more. 344 00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,260 - How many silver dollars do you have? 345 00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:53,696 - As many as it takes. 346 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,567 - Well, this checkbook is only on 304, 347 00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:57,439 so I can write checks all day long. 348 00:10:57,482 --> 00:10:58,614 - Well, you know what? Here's my watch. 349 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,398 - Yeah, melt this down. - Enough! 350 00:11:00,442 --> 00:11:01,965 I'm tired of being stuck in the middle of this. 351 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:04,141 You figure out who gets the tickets and tell me. 352 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,275 That should keep them busy for a little while. 353 00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:09,538 - Hey, Jake, we've decided how to settle this. 354 00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:12,106 - We're gonna duke it out in the ring. 355 00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:13,847 - What? 356 00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:16,371 - That man is lying. 357 00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:19,156 I don't believe Wuntch had another rival. 358 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,288 I saw it in her eyes. 359 00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:22,333 She only had hate for me. 360 00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:24,466 - Are you jealous? - Of course I am. 361 00:11:24,509 --> 00:11:27,469 I despised her with my entire being 362 00:11:27,512 --> 00:11:29,645 while she was only despising me with a fraction of hers? 363 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,995 - Sir, you were doing so well, okay? 364 00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:33,388 Don't let this rattle you. 365 00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:34,781 - Are you wearing sponges in your armpits? 366 00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:36,173 - If you have a better way to soak up sweat, 367 00:11:36,217 --> 00:11:37,174 I would like to hear it. 368 00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:38,610 - Where are you going? 369 00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:41,875 - To find out if there was another man. 370 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:43,137 [organ music] 371 00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,313 So, um, Adam is it? - Mm-hmm. 372 00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:47,489 - I only ask because Madeline never mentioned you. 373 00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:49,404 - Interesting, 'cause she mentioned you to me, 374 00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:51,145 as a friend. - Friend? 375 00:11:51,188 --> 00:11:52,755 - Mm. - I think you added an "R" 376 00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,626 to the word "fiend." - No, I'm sure it was friend. 377 00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,411 I mean, based on context alone, 378 00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:58,021 I wouldn't say somebody was one of my closest fiends. 379 00:11:58,065 --> 00:11:59,544 - Oh, you might. 380 00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:00,807 We had a very contentious relationship. 381 00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:02,852 She never forgave me for embarrassing her 382 00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:04,288 in front of Derek Jeter. 383 00:12:04,332 --> 00:12:05,986 - Well, I embarrassed her in front of A-Rod 384 00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,988 and J.Lo together. 385 00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:10,251 - For 15 years I replaced her anti-wrinkle cream 386 00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:11,643 with sour cream. 387 00:12:11,687 --> 00:12:13,776 - I replaced her Lactaid pills with Tic Tacs. 388 00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,517 Dead moron was crapping her pants for months. 389 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,779 - She hacked into my Netflix account 390 00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:18,389 and watched the "Lizzie McGuire" movie 391 00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:19,956 on repeat to ruin my algorithm. 392 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,349 - She made me guard that doctor 393 00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:23,177 who came back to New York with Ebola. 394 00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:24,526 - Sir, maybe you want to keep it down. 395 00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:26,441 There's people-- - That witch ruined my life! 396 00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:28,791 She demoted me from captain to uniformed officer. 397 00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,751 - Eight years ago she had me kicked off the force entirely. 398 00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:33,448 You were not her greatest rival, 399 00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:35,276 and the proof is right here. 400 00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:36,364 - Hello, Adam. 401 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,061 I may be dying 402 00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,715 but I burned down your cabin in Maine. 403 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,805 You were my one true rival. 404 00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,024 - There you have it. 405 00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:47,070 [dramatic music] 406 00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:48,811 - I meant nothing to her. 407 00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:52,467 That cockroach Madeline was two-timing me! 408 00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:55,209 . 409 00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:56,688 - No sign of Holt anywhere. 410 00:12:56,732 --> 00:12:57,777 - I know that's important, 411 00:12:57,820 --> 00:12:58,690 but I don't think I can just breeze past 412 00:12:58,734 --> 00:12:59,822 the outfit, "Sister Act." 413 00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:01,171 - I sweat through my clothes 414 00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:02,825 and I found this in the back of a closet, okay? 415 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,174 Deal with it. - You look great. 416 00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,697 - Oh, there he is. Sir, over here. 417 00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,047 - Where are you? 418 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:09,005 Why are you holding the mean yelling speech? 419 00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:10,485 - Because I'm gonna yell it, meanly. 420 00:13:10,528 --> 00:13:13,967 I wasted half my life hating that duplicitous hag, 421 00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,359 and she didn't even have the decency 422 00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:16,752 to truly hate me back. 423 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,188 Well, screw her. 424 00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:20,364 I'm gonna ruin her memorial. - No, you can't do that. 425 00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:23,367 If you read that speech, you'll be fired. 426 00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:24,716 - You're right. 427 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,849 And that would ruin my career. 428 00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,720 And it's worth it. 429 00:13:28,764 --> 00:13:29,852 I'm giving the speech. 430 00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:32,463 - No, that's what Wuntch wanted. 431 00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,770 You're letting her win. - Sweaty Amy's right. 432 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:35,727 If you really wanna get back at her, 433 00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:36,772 you'll team up with Adam 434 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,078 and give her a nice funeral. 435 00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:39,862 - It's like " The Durrells of Corfu" 436 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:42,038 when Prudence and Louisa joined forces-- 437 00:13:42,082 --> 00:13:44,171 - To sink the catamaran of the bookseller Yorgos 438 00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:47,087 who wronged them both. Yes! 439 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:50,003 I will team up with Adam. 440 00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:51,482 Wow. 441 00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:53,397 [laughs] For a moment there, 442 00:13:53,441 --> 00:13:56,009 I almost forgot who the real villain was. 443 00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:59,273 The woman who recently died. - Mm. 444 00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:01,188 - Charles, why did you let Terry choose boxing? 445 00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:02,842 - He didn't. I picked it. 446 00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:04,887 - But you'll die. - Don't worry about it. 447 00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,149 Boxing's in my blood. 448 00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:07,847 My Nana Boyle boxed in the Navy. 449 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,893 - I'm sure she did but-- and hear me out-- 450 00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:12,634 what if you're not as strong as your Nana Boyle? 451 00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:13,896 - I can handle myself. 452 00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,550 She taught me her signature punch; 453 00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:17,987 the Strawberry Basket. - That does not reassure me. 454 00:14:18,031 --> 00:14:19,597 Hey there, big guy. 455 00:14:19,641 --> 00:14:22,905 You sure you're feeling okay about ending Charles' life? 456 00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,907 - Yep, my girls are gonna see this movie. 457 00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:26,953 - Right, well, before you commit manslaughter, 458 00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:28,780 I do feel compelled to tell you that the movie 459 00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:30,434 only has a 38 on Rotten Tomatoes. 460 00:14:30,478 --> 00:14:32,436 - Jake, stop yapping and let them fight. 461 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,482 - I wanna see the big guy pop the little guy's head off. 462 00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:35,744 - Yeah, let's start the fight! 463 00:14:35,787 --> 00:14:37,093 I wanna pop that little guy's head off! 464 00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,529 - You're clearly the little guy. 465 00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:39,704 - [laughs] Good one, Jake. 466 00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:41,968 - All right. I guess this is happening. 467 00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:43,621 Touch gloves. 468 00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:45,449 [exciting music] 469 00:14:45,493 --> 00:14:48,017 Charles, it's been very nice being your friend. 470 00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,584 Terry, I'll visit you in prison. 471 00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,716 And... [bell ringing] 472 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,022 Fight. - Strawberry basket! 473 00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:55,459 [blow lands] - [groans] 474 00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:56,591 - Whoo, yeah! 475 00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:57,635 You mess with Grandma, 476 00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:58,941 you're gonna get the basket! 477 00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:00,160 - Charles, you punched him in the nards. 478 00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:01,944 - Yeah, Nana fought nasty. 479 00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:03,641 Now if you don't mind, I'd like those tickets. 480 00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:05,295 - I didn't hear no bell! [shouts] 481 00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,470 - [grunts] 482 00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:08,429 - Jake, I think those tickets are mine. 483 00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:11,606 - Strawberry basket! - [groans] 484 00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:15,001 - Guys, stop! It's a movie about cupcakes! 485 00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:17,481 - You don't understand! - You don't have kids! 486 00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:18,918 - [crying] 487 00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,355 - Wow, that speech would have been amazing. 488 00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:23,444 I had to look up what a toilet ghost was. 489 00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:24,924 - Uh, yes, I took a trip to Korea 490 00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:26,838 just to research a new Wuntch insult. 491 00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,144 In fact it's been a motivation 492 00:15:28,188 --> 00:15:29,580 for most of my international travel. 493 00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:31,495 - Mm. - So you guys are friends now? 494 00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:33,497 - Uh, yes, it seems we have a great deal in common. 495 00:15:33,541 --> 00:15:34,977 - Well, one thing. 496 00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,326 both: Hating Wuntch. [both laughing] 497 00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:38,285 I read him the obituary I wrote for her, 498 00:15:38,328 --> 00:15:39,547 but the "Times" wouldn't publish it. 499 00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:40,635 It had too many obscenities. 500 00:15:40,678 --> 00:15:43,159 - And I read him my all caps speech. 501 00:15:43,203 --> 00:15:45,335 - And I loved it. It was like poetry. 502 00:15:45,379 --> 00:15:47,511 - Madeline smelled like dog crap. 503 00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:50,166 - Raymond convinced me the best way to get back at Wuntch 504 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:51,907 is to make sure he doesn't get fired. 505 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,475 Also I'm just gonna chisel a penis onto her headstone. 506 00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:55,780 - And I'm gonna watch. 507 00:15:55,824 --> 00:15:57,173 [both laughing] - Please take your seats. 508 00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:58,653 - Well, uh, time for me to go 509 00:15:58,696 --> 00:15:59,871 make a tear-jerker of a speech. 510 00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:01,482 - Hey, I thought of the best hashtag 511 00:16:01,525 --> 00:16:03,136 to post with my photo of the grave penis. 512 00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:04,746 - I'm not on board with that friendship. 513 00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:06,226 - Yeah, there's something weird about that guy. 514 00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:08,010 Hey, when did he say he got kicked off the force? 515 00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,707 - Eight years ago. - That doesn't add up. 516 00:16:09,751 --> 00:16:11,927 He said Wuntch sent him to guard the Ebola doctor. 517 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,581 Wasn't that six years ago? - Yeah. 518 00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:14,799 - Oh, my God. 519 00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,018 Wuntch sent him to destroy Holt. 520 00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:17,019 - Good afternoon. 521 00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,803 On this sad day, 522 00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:21,371 I'd like to say a few words about Commissioner Wuntch. 523 00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,634 Madeline smelled like dog crap. 524 00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:25,636 I'm sorry. 525 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:26,768 I--I don't know what-- 526 00:16:26,811 --> 00:16:28,770 From a sick dog. [laughs] 527 00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:30,511 Adam, what are you doing? 528 00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:33,862 - I'm showing everyone your true colors, Raymond Holt. 529 00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:35,516 Enjoy the show, people! 530 00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:38,649 . 531 00:16:38,693 --> 00:16:41,522 - Madeline Wuntch will not soon be forgotten. 532 00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:42,958 Trick or Treaters will dress like her for generations. 533 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,482 - Hey! - Diaz, delete all the videos. 534 00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:46,918 [glass cracking] - Deleted. 535 00:16:46,962 --> 00:16:48,790 - It's over. - Yeah, for you. 536 00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,661 Everyone who's anyone in NYPD 537 00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:52,533 just saw you for your true self. 538 00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:55,710 Your career is ruined, Ray-Ray. - Who are you? 539 00:16:55,753 --> 00:16:58,408 Why are you doing this? - I'm Madeline Wuntch's nephew. 540 00:16:58,452 --> 00:16:59,714 She sent me here to carry out 541 00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:01,411 the final phase of her master plan, 542 00:17:01,455 --> 00:17:03,935 and now it's all over. Wait, why are you smiling? 543 00:17:03,979 --> 00:17:08,418 - Because, Adam, this isn't the real memorial. 544 00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:11,073 It's all a ruse. - What? 545 00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:12,205 - Yeah, what? 546 00:17:12,248 --> 00:17:13,249 - I knew Wuntch had one 547 00:17:13,293 --> 00:17:14,294 final trick up her sleeve. 548 00:17:14,337 --> 00:17:15,730 I didn't know what it was, 549 00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:17,297 so I had to be prepared for anything. 550 00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:19,560 This whole thing was staged. 551 00:17:19,603 --> 00:17:20,909 None of these people are real mourners. 552 00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:22,737 They're not even in the NYPD. 553 00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:24,869 - You hired actors? - Worse. 554 00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:27,481 They're members of local improv troupes, 555 00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:30,571 and they did it for "the exposure." 556 00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:32,225 - This has been a blast, 557 00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:33,922 but we have to go start a flash mob at the Freedom Tower. 558 00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:35,184 Oh, check out our YouTube channel. 559 00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:36,577 - No. Sit down. 560 00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:37,534 - I have to hand it to you, Adam. 561 00:17:37,578 --> 00:17:38,622 You almost fooled me, 562 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,450 but no other man could possibly 563 00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:41,712 have what Wuntch and I had. 564 00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:44,846 We were star-crossed haters. 565 00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:45,760 - Whatever. 566 00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:47,066 I still inherit half her estate 567 00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:48,763 just for trying this. - Cool. 568 00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:51,200 Who gets the other half of every child's nightmares? 569 00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:54,029 - I love it, Rosa. Great work all day. 570 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:57,685 - So how are you two feeling after your little boxing match? 571 00:17:57,728 --> 00:18:00,079 - My head hurts. - I can't feel my strawberries. 572 00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:02,951 - I meant more emotionally and less groinally, 573 00:18:02,994 --> 00:18:04,866 but listen, ever since I brought these tickets up, 574 00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:07,086 you guys have made my life absolutely miserable, 575 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,175 but that ends now, because I've made a choice. 576 00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:10,915 - Cagney is sick. We don't know how long she has. 577 00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:12,830 - We do know for Nikolaj. It's 36 hours. 578 00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,832 - Just stop, all right? Stop lying. 579 00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:16,486 This is exactly the type of behavior 580 00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:20,403 that has led me to decide that I'm not taking either of you. 581 00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:22,101 - Seriously? Oh, man. 582 00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:23,798 The kids are gonna be so disappointed. 583 00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:26,105 - No, they won't, because they're going. 584 00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:28,150 That's right, I'm bringing all three of them 585 00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:30,805 by myself and you two don't get to go. 586 00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:33,590 Your childish behavior has led you to miss out 587 00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,897 on the most exciting movie premiere event 588 00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:37,942 in the state of New York this Saturday. 589 00:18:39,596 --> 00:18:41,990 I hope you've learned your lesson. 590 00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:43,905 Good day. 591 00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:46,125 - [sighs] 592 00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,170 Wait. He's taking the kids for us? 593 00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:49,563 - It's just like getting a free babysitter. 594 00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:50,999 - This is incredible. 595 00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:52,827 People without kids are so stupid. 596 00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:54,742 - They're gonna destroy him. - Yeah. 597 00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:56,874 - So just to be clear, 598 00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:58,615 this service is actually real, right? 599 00:18:58,659 --> 00:19:00,182 - Oh, yes. 600 00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,314 I figured if I needed two fake memorials 601 00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:02,532 to smoke out Wuntch's plan, 602 00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:03,620 she deserved to win, 603 00:19:03,664 --> 00:19:04,795 but she didn't win. I did. 604 00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:06,188 Finally beat the old fishwife. 605 00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:07,537 - It's crazy. 606 00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:08,756 After today you never have to think 607 00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,671 about Madeline Wuntch again. 608 00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:11,889 - Yes, I suppose you're right. 609 00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:13,674 - Sir, does that make you sad? 610 00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:15,545 - I don't know. 611 00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:17,591 I think maybe... 612 00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:20,333 Yes? 613 00:19:20,376 --> 00:19:22,073 - Well, I think it's natural 614 00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:24,119 to feel a little down about her death. 615 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:27,688 For the last 20 years, your lives have been entangled. 616 00:19:27,731 --> 00:19:29,255 - Because of her ratty hair. 617 00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:30,865 No, it's not the same. 618 00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,214 Now it just feels like I'm insulting 619 00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:34,216 a helpless dead person. - You are. 620 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,262 It's what you've been doing all week. 621 00:19:36,305 --> 00:19:37,611 - Yeah, it's been tight. 622 00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:39,526 [organ music] 623 00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:41,049 - Well, it's time for my speech. 624 00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:43,182 - Sir, what are you gonna say? 625 00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,445 - I don't know. 626 00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:46,533 Maybe I'll just be honest. 627 00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:49,100 ♪ 628 00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,537 - Did he say he was gonna be honest? 629 00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:51,625 - Yeah, this is gonna be bad. 630 00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:53,017 - As many of you know, 631 00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:55,324 Madeline and I were bitter rivals, 632 00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:56,847 but I've come to realize 633 00:19:56,891 --> 00:19:58,153 she held a special place in my life. 634 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,765 No one challenged me like she did 635 00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:04,725 or made me feel as alive. 636 00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:07,945 Our relationship was like an epic chess match. 637 00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:11,601 And it's hard to believe that... 638 00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,823 She'll never make another move. [phone chimes] 639 00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:19,130 Unless... 640 00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,656 No, it's just a notification. 641 00:20:22,699 --> 00:20:24,571 Cheddar's doggy toothpaste has shipped. 642 00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:27,791 So she is gone, 643 00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:29,663 and I wish she were not. 644 00:20:31,142 --> 00:20:34,363 I will miss you, Madeline Wuntch. 645 00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:37,279 - [groans] Wario, why are you like this? 646 00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:40,413 - Hey, so I don't know if you noticed, 647 00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:42,893 but ever since I started those hormone treatments-- 648 00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:44,373 - I didn't notice anything. 649 00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:45,722 - You said that way too quick. 650 00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:47,637 - I mean, you did cry at that one car commercial 651 00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,117 and it wasn't even an emotional one. 652 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,075 It was about towing capacity. - Yeah. 653 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:52,860 Well, I called the doctor 654 00:20:52,903 --> 00:20:55,297 to see if that was a common side effect 655 00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,212 and apparently, it isn't. 656 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,518 - Oh, no. 657 00:20:58,561 --> 00:21:00,433 Is everything okay? - Yeah. 658 00:21:00,476 --> 00:21:03,436 She did have one guess as to what might be causing it. 659 00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:05,742 And, um, she was right. 660 00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:10,181 - [exhales] 661 00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:12,793 Ames. 662 00:21:12,836 --> 00:21:16,057 Are we having a baby? - We're having a baby. 663 00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:17,624 [laughs] - [exhales] 664 00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:20,453 [dramatic music] 665 00:21:20,496 --> 00:21:21,802 - It happened! 666 00:21:21,845 --> 00:21:23,760 - Not a doctor. - Shh. 667 00:21:23,804 --> 00:21:25,936 - Fremulon. 48884

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