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1
00:02:14,851 --> 00:02:16,978
Hi. Welcome to the future.
2
00:02:17,287 --> 00:02:20,484
San Dimas, California, 2688.
3
00:02:20,791 --> 00:02:23,317
And I'm telling you, it's great here.
4
00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:26,089
The air is clean. The water's clean.
5
00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:28,456
Even the dirt is clean.
6
00:02:29,033 --> 00:02:33,060
Bowling averages are way up.
Mini-golf scores are way down.
7
00:02:33,170 --> 00:02:35,469
And we have more excellent waterslides...
8
00:02:35,539 --> 00:02:38,032
...than any other planet
we communicate with.
9
00:02:38,342 --> 00:02:40,868
I'm telling you, this place is great...
10
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,008
...but it almost wasn't.
11
00:02:43,214 --> 00:02:46,741
You see, 700 years ago,
the two great ones...
12
00:02:47,286 --> 00:02:48,980
...ran into a few problems.
13
00:02:49,053 --> 00:02:51,716
So now I have to travel back in time
to help them out.
14
00:02:53,058 --> 00:02:55,652
If I fail to keep these two
on the correct path...
15
00:02:55,894 --> 00:02:57,987
... the basis of our society will be in danger.
16
00:02:58,397 --> 00:03:01,093
Don't worry, it'll all make sense.
I'm a professional.
17
00:03:02,167 --> 00:03:04,965
I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!
18
00:03:05,038 --> 00:03:09,565
And I'm Ted... Hold on.
Bill, here, you take it.
19
00:03:09,776 --> 00:03:10,970
Okay.
20
00:03:15,048 --> 00:03:18,176
- And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.
- Yeah!
21
00:03:23,256 --> 00:03:26,453
And we're Wyld Stallyns!
22
00:03:36,504 --> 00:03:39,302
- Smell it, dude.
- Let's bail.
23
00:03:49,483 --> 00:03:50,848
We blew it.
24
00:03:51,652 --> 00:03:53,779
Guess we used too much power.
25
00:03:54,356 --> 00:03:55,721
I liked it.
26
00:03:58,894 --> 00:04:02,990
While I agree that, in time,
our band will be most triumphant...
27
00:04:03,065 --> 00:04:06,033
...the truth is,
Wyld Stallyns will never be a super band...
28
00:04:06,101 --> 00:04:08,126
...until we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar.
29
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:12,705
Yes, but I do not believe
we will get Eddie Van Halen...
30
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:14,401
...until we have a triumphant video.
31
00:04:14,943 --> 00:04:17,412
It's pointless to have a triumphant video...
32
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,971
...before we even have decent instruments.
33
00:04:20,116 --> 00:04:23,415
How could we have decent instruments
if we don't know how to play?
34
00:04:24,086 --> 00:04:26,110
That is why we need Eddie Van Halen!
35
00:04:26,621 --> 00:04:29,112
And that is why we need
a triumphant video.
36
00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:32,455
Excellent!
37
00:04:37,533 --> 00:04:39,262
- We're late!
- For what?
38
00:04:39,602 --> 00:04:41,866
- For school, dude!
- Yeah.
39
00:04:51,048 --> 00:04:53,243
Bill, I'm waiting.
40
00:04:55,551 --> 00:04:56,541
He's dead?
41
00:04:58,789 --> 00:05:02,692
What you're telling me, essentially,
is that Napoleon...
42
00:05:03,328 --> 00:05:06,161
...was a short dead dude.
43
00:05:07,966 --> 00:05:08,954
Yeah.
44
00:05:09,867 --> 00:05:11,629
You totally blew it, dude.
45
00:05:12,036 --> 00:05:14,062
- Ted, stand up.
- Stand up?
46
00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:15,504
Yes, son. Stand up.
47
00:05:18,410 --> 00:05:19,569
Now...
48
00:05:20,645 --> 00:05:21,805
Who was Joan of Arc?
49
00:05:24,581 --> 00:05:25,571
Noah's wife.
50
00:05:29,888 --> 00:05:32,755
Listen, guys, don't forget:
Tomorrow, final report...
51
00:05:32,891 --> 00:05:34,687
...1:30 to 3:30, okay?
52
00:05:40,598 --> 00:05:41,860
Guys.
53
00:05:45,037 --> 00:05:46,402
Mr. Ryan...
54
00:05:47,039 --> 00:05:51,533
Before you say anything,
my distinguished colleague, Ted, and I...
55
00:05:51,711 --> 00:05:54,201
...wish to express to you our thanks...
56
00:05:54,513 --> 00:05:57,348
...for all the things
we have learned in your class.
57
00:05:57,417 --> 00:05:58,782
And what have you learned?
58
00:06:03,923 --> 00:06:06,756
We've learned
that the world has a great history.
59
00:06:07,193 --> 00:06:11,790
Yes. And that thanks
to great leaders such as...
60
00:06:12,833 --> 00:06:14,823
...Genghis Khan, Joan of Arc...
61
00:06:14,935 --> 00:06:16,925
...and Socratic Method...
62
00:06:17,004 --> 00:06:20,700
...the world is full of history.
63
00:06:24,011 --> 00:06:28,641
It seems to me the only thing
you've learned is that Caesar...
64
00:06:29,950 --> 00:06:31,781
...is a "salad-dressing dude."
65
00:06:33,188 --> 00:06:35,451
Bill, Ted, this is really quite simple.
66
00:06:35,523 --> 00:06:37,957
You have flunked
every section of this class.
67
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:43,119
Now, unless you get an A plus
on your final oral report tomorrow...
68
00:06:43,965 --> 00:06:47,059
...guys, I have no choice
but to flunk the both of you.
69
00:06:48,203 --> 00:06:49,363
You know your topics.
70
00:06:50,205 --> 00:06:53,571
So I would suggest
you at least cover those areas...
71
00:06:54,175 --> 00:06:56,042
...if you want to pass the course.
72
00:06:56,545 --> 00:06:58,707
- Understand?
- Yes, sir.
73
00:06:59,448 --> 00:07:00,642
Okay.
74
00:07:04,553 --> 00:07:09,082
Your report
had better be something very special.
75
00:07:12,295 --> 00:07:13,387
Man.
76
00:07:15,865 --> 00:07:18,925
What are we supposed to know
for our report?
77
00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:20,161
I'm not sure.
78
00:07:20,236 --> 00:07:23,672
One thing I know is that
Joan of Arc is not Noah's wife.
79
00:07:23,741 --> 00:07:28,371
- Then who is Noah's wife?
- I don't know, Ted.
80
00:07:28,812 --> 00:07:32,747
But I do know we're in serious trouble.
Listen to this:
81
00:07:33,717 --> 00:07:36,811
"Express to the class
how an important historical figure...
82
00:07:36,887 --> 00:07:38,617
"... from each of your time periods...
83
00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:42,147
"... would view the world
of San Dimas, 1988."
84
00:07:44,027 --> 00:07:47,690
We're in danger of flunking
most heinously tomorrow.
85
00:07:48,832 --> 00:07:51,597
- Hi, Bill. Want a ride?
- Sure, Missy.
86
00:07:53,004 --> 00:07:53,993
I mean, Mom.
87
00:07:57,008 --> 00:07:59,476
- Your stepmom is cute.
- Shut up.
88
00:07:59,544 --> 00:08:02,876
Remember when she was a senior
and we were freshmen?
89
00:08:09,755 --> 00:08:12,450
I'll be right back as soon as I get my books.
90
00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:29,162
- What are you doing home, Dad?
- I'm looking for my keys.
91
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,707
You haven't done anything with them?
92
00:08:33,078 --> 00:08:34,306
No, sir.
93
00:08:34,446 --> 00:08:36,745
I spoke to your principal today.
94
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,911
- He said you're failing history.
- Me and Bill...
95
00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:43,422
He also said that if you fail history,
you flunk out of school.
96
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,588
You know what that would mean,
don't you?
97
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,988
That I would have to go
to Oates Military Academy, sir.
98
00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:55,360
I spoke to Col. Oates this morning.
99
00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:00,031
He's anxious to meet you.
100
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:19,348
Dude, we gotta pass,
otherwise there's no more band.
101
00:09:20,162 --> 00:09:23,598
- Why?
- My dad's sending me to military school.
102
00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:25,492
Where?
103
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,161
Alaska.
104
00:09:30,104 --> 00:09:31,265
Alaska.
105
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:42,272
It is time. Their separation is imminent.
106
00:10:12,215 --> 00:10:13,910
Be excellent to each other.
107
00:10:15,653 --> 00:10:17,314
Party on, dude.
108
00:10:46,151 --> 00:10:48,085
Okay, Ted, George Washington.
109
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:53,155
- One: The father of our country.
- Two: Born on Presidents' Day.
110
00:10:53,692 --> 00:10:56,252
Three: The dollar-bill guy.
111
00:10:56,795 --> 00:10:59,424
You ever made
a mushroom out of his head?
112
00:10:59,865 --> 00:11:00,923
Alaska.
113
00:11:03,002 --> 00:11:04,094
Okay.
114
00:11:07,739 --> 00:11:10,037
Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.
115
00:11:11,177 --> 00:11:13,169
That's Capt. Ahab, dude.
116
00:11:14,747 --> 00:11:17,080
Wait. Remember Disney World?
117
00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:20,776
- Hall of Presidents?
- Yeah, good. What did he say?
118
00:11:22,021 --> 00:11:24,319
"Welcome to the Hall of Presidents."
119
00:11:25,992 --> 00:11:28,484
Hi. I brought you guys some food.
120
00:11:40,540 --> 00:11:42,406
It's your mom, dude.
121
00:11:43,478 --> 00:11:44,604
How's it going?
122
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,138
Bad.
123
00:11:48,116 --> 00:11:51,483
We're destined to flunk
most egregiously tomorrow.
124
00:11:51,986 --> 00:11:56,218
And I am destined to end up
at Oates Military Academy.
125
00:11:56,825 --> 00:11:59,088
And then we will never start our band.
126
00:12:00,962 --> 00:12:03,396
Good.
127
00:12:09,538 --> 00:12:12,666
- What are you guys studying, anyway?
- History.
128
00:12:12,875 --> 00:12:14,035
Mr. Ryan?
129
00:12:14,843 --> 00:12:16,242
Tell him hi.
130
00:12:16,412 --> 00:12:19,575
Why don't you guys take a dinner break?
131
00:12:20,815 --> 00:12:22,215
Thanks, Dad.
132
00:12:36,399 --> 00:12:39,630
Now your dad is going for it
in your own room.
133
00:12:39,703 --> 00:12:40,931
Shut up.
134
00:12:41,805 --> 00:12:44,831
- Your stepmom is cute, though.
- Shut up.
135
00:12:44,908 --> 00:12:48,207
- Remember when I asked her to the prom?
- Shut up!
136
00:12:51,747 --> 00:12:54,309
1275.
137
00:12:56,853 --> 00:12:59,287
Okay, the lady in that car over there...
138
00:12:59,356 --> 00:13:02,792
...said that Marco Polo was
in the year 1275.
139
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,158
It's not just a water sport. I knew it.
140
00:13:06,965 --> 00:13:10,525
Excuse me.
When did the Mongols rule China?
141
00:13:11,168 --> 00:13:13,433
I don't know. I just work here.
142
00:13:18,709 --> 00:13:21,611
- You want to try the Thrifty Mart?
- Sure.
143
00:13:43,903 --> 00:13:45,564
Not bad.
144
00:13:50,077 --> 00:13:52,739
Greetings, my excellent friends.
145
00:13:54,081 --> 00:13:56,572
Do you know
when the Mongols ruled China?
146
00:13:59,619 --> 00:14:00,915
Perhaps we can ask them.
147
00:14:04,391 --> 00:14:06,689
Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
148
00:14:08,495 --> 00:14:10,485
And Ted "Theodore" Logan.
149
00:14:11,465 --> 00:14:12,762
Gentlemen...
150
00:14:13,133 --> 00:14:15,464
I'm here to help you
with your history report.
151
00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:19,104
- What?
- How?
152
00:14:22,242 --> 00:14:23,801
I hate that part.
153
00:14:25,245 --> 00:14:27,270
- Bill.
- What?
154
00:14:27,347 --> 00:14:30,875
Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.
155
00:14:36,925 --> 00:14:39,917
Dudes, you guys are going to
go back in time!
156
00:14:40,661 --> 00:14:44,792
You are going to have the most excellent
adventure through history.
157
00:14:45,465 --> 00:14:48,368
- Who are you guys?
- We're you, dude!
158
00:14:48,904 --> 00:14:50,166
No way.
159
00:14:50,906 --> 00:14:54,136
- No way.
- Yes way!
160
00:14:54,209 --> 00:14:55,403
We know how you feel.
161
00:14:55,944 --> 00:14:58,105
We didn't believe it either
when we were you...
162
00:14:58,179 --> 00:15:01,012
...and we-us said
what we-us are saying right now.
163
00:15:01,082 --> 00:15:02,550
Okay, wait.
164
00:15:02,953 --> 00:15:05,444
If you guys are really us...
165
00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:09,257
...what number are we thinking of?
166
00:15:10,292 --> 00:15:12,487
Sixty-nine, dudes!
167
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:23,897
- Look, dudes, we gotta go.
- Yeah, we gotta get back to the report.
168
00:15:24,039 --> 00:15:25,200
Rufus!
169
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:29,875
Listen to this dude Rufus.
He knows what he's talking about.
170
00:15:29,945 --> 00:15:33,677
Right. And, Ted,
give my love to the princesses.
171
00:15:34,185 --> 00:15:36,880
- Who?
- You'll see.
172
00:15:38,388 --> 00:15:40,618
Gentlemen, is everything all right?
173
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:43,659
Yeah, except how come
the number we dialed...
174
00:15:44,897 --> 00:15:47,194
Don't forget to wind your watch!
175
00:15:49,767 --> 00:15:51,997
Thanks, Rufus.
176
00:15:53,004 --> 00:15:55,199
Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
177
00:16:07,119 --> 00:16:09,781
Dude, are you sure
we should be doing this?
178
00:16:10,521 --> 00:16:13,754
Ted, you and I have witnessed
many things...
179
00:16:14,494 --> 00:16:17,656
...but nothing as bodacious
as what just happened.
180
00:16:18,263 --> 00:16:20,561
Besides, we told ourselves
to listen to this guy.
181
00:16:22,201 --> 00:16:23,531
What if we were lying?
182
00:16:26,238 --> 00:16:28,104
Why would we lie to ourselves?
183
00:16:33,913 --> 00:16:35,778
How are you going to help us?
184
00:16:35,847 --> 00:16:38,442
Yeah, are you going to call someone
and get the answers?
185
00:16:38,518 --> 00:16:41,716
Gentlemen, we're going to do
a lot more than that.
186
00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:46,285
Excellent.
187
00:16:48,928 --> 00:16:50,896
Brace yourselves, amigos.
188
00:16:59,940 --> 00:17:01,339
Gentlemen...
189
00:17:03,144 --> 00:17:04,303
We're history.
190
00:17:12,721 --> 00:17:16,178
Rufus, where are we, dude?
191
00:17:16,825 --> 00:17:18,985
These are the circuits of history,
gentlemen.
192
00:17:19,059 --> 00:17:21,927
They'll take us
to any point in time we wish.
193
00:17:22,029 --> 00:17:23,087
How?
194
00:17:23,964 --> 00:17:26,160
Modern technology, William.
195
00:17:44,186 --> 00:17:48,247
- That was most unprecedented, Rufus.
- Yeah.
196
00:17:50,092 --> 00:17:51,991
But where are we, Rufus?
197
00:17:53,429 --> 00:17:55,660
Austria, 1805.
198
00:17:56,599 --> 00:17:58,191
The French have just invaded.
199
00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:03,238
Bill, check it out!
200
00:18:04,107 --> 00:18:06,598
We're in the middle of a war, dude!
201
00:18:18,989 --> 00:18:21,752
Amigos, time to depart.
202
00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,287
How's it going, dude?
203
00:19:01,232 --> 00:19:02,564
Now where are we, dude?
204
00:19:04,536 --> 00:19:05,798
It's my house.
205
00:19:05,871 --> 00:19:10,400
Rufus, can we go
anywhere we want at any time?
206
00:19:10,543 --> 00:19:12,306
You can do anything you want...
207
00:19:12,378 --> 00:19:15,006
...as long as you remember this:
No matter what happens...
208
00:19:15,081 --> 00:19:17,878
...you must get to that report. Got it?
209
00:19:18,251 --> 00:19:19,913
All right, amigos...
210
00:19:20,053 --> 00:19:23,114
...that book will give you the number
of anyplace you want to go.
211
00:19:24,124 --> 00:19:27,560
Now, most important,
no matter what you do...
212
00:19:27,628 --> 00:19:32,291
...no matter where you go,
that clock, the clock in San Dimas...
213
00:19:32,732 --> 00:19:34,325
...is always running.
214
00:19:34,401 --> 00:19:35,766
- Got it?
- Yeah.
215
00:19:36,036 --> 00:19:38,265
All right, time for me to go.
216
00:19:38,739 --> 00:19:41,765
- What do you mean, Rufus?
- Yeah, aren't you coming with us?
217
00:19:42,143 --> 00:19:44,736
Gentlemen, you're on your own.
218
00:19:59,126 --> 00:20:01,287
- Ted?
- What?
219
00:20:02,096 --> 00:20:04,725
This has been a most unusual day.
220
00:20:15,009 --> 00:20:17,172
- It's Napoleon.
- Who?
221
00:20:17,613 --> 00:20:20,912
The short dead dude
from our history review.
222
00:20:22,117 --> 00:20:24,312
I have a most excellent idea.
223
00:20:24,587 --> 00:20:27,351
Grab his legs. We gotta get him inside.
224
00:20:28,557 --> 00:20:31,186
I think I figured out
a way to pass our report.
225
00:20:31,260 --> 00:20:32,386
How?
226
00:20:32,461 --> 00:20:36,796
We got one historical figure here,
maybe we can go back and get more.
227
00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:38,492
Yeah.
228
00:20:39,001 --> 00:20:41,970
Deacon, you have to watch this guy.
229
00:20:42,038 --> 00:20:46,499
His name is Napoleon.
He is a very famous French dude.
230
00:20:46,577 --> 00:20:49,478
We've decided to collect
other important figures from history...
231
00:20:49,546 --> 00:20:51,343
...for an oral report we are doing.
232
00:20:51,415 --> 00:20:55,112
While we are gone,
you are not to let him out of your sight.
233
00:20:55,185 --> 00:20:58,950
Here is some money.
Take him to the movies or something.
234
00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:07,756
Napoleon?
235
00:21:08,465 --> 00:21:10,626
I am Bill.
236
00:21:11,702 --> 00:21:15,400
We'll take you back to France after
you tell us what you think of San Dimas.
237
00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:19,171
- This is Ted's little brother, Deacon.
- Hi.
238
00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:20,768
He'll take care of you.
239
00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:27,213
- Ready, Ted?
- Ready, Bill.
240
00:21:27,518 --> 00:21:29,714
Let's go back into history.
241
00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:36,493
This should be most triumphant.
242
00:21:37,528 --> 00:21:39,723
I want to speak with you, son.
243
00:21:40,598 --> 00:21:42,294
Alone, please, Bill.
244
00:21:45,472 --> 00:21:47,234
All right, sit down.
245
00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:52,069
What am I going to do with you?
246
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,305
Great.
247
00:21:53,912 --> 00:21:56,608
You lose my keys, you fail history.
248
00:21:56,849 --> 00:21:58,943
You spend all your time
with your loser friend...
249
00:21:59,019 --> 00:22:01,044
...planning a band that will never happen.
250
00:22:01,121 --> 00:22:04,579
You're not to leave this house
until tomorrow morning.
251
00:22:08,361 --> 00:22:09,350
Yes?
252
00:22:09,429 --> 00:22:13,832
Capt. Logan, this is Dep. Van Halen
down at the station.
253
00:22:14,135 --> 00:22:15,931
Dep. Van Halen?
254
00:22:19,774 --> 00:22:21,707
I'm new, dude... sir.
255
00:22:22,143 --> 00:22:24,940
Look, we found your keys...
256
00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:28,345
... and if you want them,
you better come and get them.
257
00:22:32,019 --> 00:22:36,581
When I get back from the station,
I want you packed and ready to go. Got it?
258
00:22:43,565 --> 00:22:45,623
We are in serious trouble.
259
00:22:45,866 --> 00:22:48,995
My dad already signed me up.
My plane leaves tomorrow night.
260
00:22:50,005 --> 00:22:52,063
That's only if we fail, dude.
261
00:22:56,645 --> 00:22:58,237
No way!
262
00:22:59,615 --> 00:23:03,880
Okay, we got Sigmund Frood,
Beeth Oven...
263
00:23:03,952 --> 00:23:08,150
Is there one for the Western Movement
in America in the 19th century?
264
00:23:09,058 --> 00:23:10,150
Yeah.
265
00:23:10,693 --> 00:23:12,160
Well, then...
266
00:23:13,629 --> 00:23:16,029
Let's reach out and touch someone.
267
00:24:05,316 --> 00:24:07,512
How's it going, Old West dude?
268
00:24:09,121 --> 00:24:12,420
This is just like Frontierland.
269
00:24:12,491 --> 00:24:14,959
Yeah, but you can get shot here.
270
00:24:16,294 --> 00:24:19,092
- So just try to act natural.
- Okay.
271
00:24:22,635 --> 00:24:24,535
- Howdy, partner.
- Howdy.
272
00:24:24,603 --> 00:24:28,061
- Watch out for the horse crap.
- Thanks, dude.
273
00:24:28,707 --> 00:24:30,902
- I'm totally thirsty.
- Me, too.
274
00:24:46,460 --> 00:24:48,120
Two beers, please.
275
00:24:54,134 --> 00:24:58,764
- He didn't even card us, dude.
- Yeah, we'll have to remember this place.
276
00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:07,613
Who should we take with us?
277
00:25:18,426 --> 00:25:21,156
- Who's he?
- He's Billy the Kid.
278
00:25:22,530 --> 00:25:25,966
He's famous, dude. Let's bag him.
279
00:25:28,937 --> 00:25:30,563
I need two men.
280
00:25:32,574 --> 00:25:33,802
Who's with me?
281
00:25:34,443 --> 00:25:36,536
We're with you, Billy the Kid.
282
00:25:45,754 --> 00:25:49,714
Here's the deal. What I win, I keep.
283
00:25:50,426 --> 00:25:53,418
What you win, I keep.
284
00:25:54,597 --> 00:25:56,360
Sounds good, Mr. The Kid.
285
00:26:11,447 --> 00:26:15,509
Dude, you've got to have
a poker face like me.
286
00:26:20,624 --> 00:26:22,387
Three aces!
287
00:26:24,194 --> 00:26:26,287
What the hell's going on here, Billy?
288
00:26:27,931 --> 00:26:29,957
Are you a-cheatin' us, Kid?
289
00:26:31,636 --> 00:26:34,763
Cheating? Me?
290
00:26:53,625 --> 00:26:54,990
Excellent!
291
00:27:02,635 --> 00:27:07,504
Look, we're totally weak.
We can't possibly fight you.
292
00:27:07,973 --> 00:27:11,465
However, how would you gentlemen like...
293
00:27:11,977 --> 00:27:16,575
...free passes to Waterloo,
home of excellent waterslides?
294
00:27:17,583 --> 00:27:19,107
Nice try, dude.
295
00:27:33,533 --> 00:27:34,761
Come on.
296
00:27:37,204 --> 00:27:39,968
- Look.
- It's the Goodyear blimp.
297
00:27:47,014 --> 00:27:49,448
I can't believe they fell for that.
298
00:27:54,122 --> 00:27:55,886
- Let's get 'em!
- Let's kill them!
299
00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,187
Come on!
300
00:28:00,428 --> 00:28:03,727
- You guys saved my life.
- Nothing doing, Billy the Kid.
301
00:28:03,798 --> 00:28:06,323
- Where are we going?
- The golden age of civilization.
302
00:28:06,401 --> 00:28:08,699
- Where?
- Ancient Greece, dude.
303
00:28:08,770 --> 00:28:11,968
Don't worry, we'll bring you back
as soon as you talk at our report.
304
00:28:13,776 --> 00:28:14,765
What?
305
00:28:49,446 --> 00:28:50,845
Socrates?
306
00:28:51,815 --> 00:28:55,946
- We know that name.
- Yeah. Look him up.
307
00:28:57,021 --> 00:28:58,885
It's under "So-crates."
308
00:28:59,290 --> 00:29:00,552
Yeah.
309
00:29:04,227 --> 00:29:05,592
"So-crates:
310
00:29:06,396 --> 00:29:07,831
"'The only true wisdom...
311
00:29:07,898 --> 00:29:10,958
"'... consists in knowing
that you know nothing."'
312
00:29:13,471 --> 00:29:15,063
That's us, dude!
313
00:29:15,439 --> 00:29:16,701
Yeah!
314
00:29:17,241 --> 00:29:19,266
- Let's bag him.
- Yeah.
315
00:29:35,327 --> 00:29:36,851
How's it going?
316
00:29:45,904 --> 00:29:49,898
I'm Bill. This is Ted.
We're from the future.
317
00:29:52,278 --> 00:29:53,745
Socrates.
318
00:29:55,648 --> 00:29:56,910
Now what?
319
00:29:58,351 --> 00:29:59,818
I don't know.
320
00:30:01,053 --> 00:30:02,918
Philosophize with him.
321
00:30:08,996 --> 00:30:13,456
"All we are is dust in the wind," dude.
322
00:30:21,609 --> 00:30:22,700
Dust.
323
00:30:24,578 --> 00:30:25,670
Wind.
324
00:30:25,946 --> 00:30:26,935
Dude.
325
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,354
Let's get out of here, dude.
326
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:52,136
All right!
327
00:30:58,213 --> 00:31:00,078
Not bad, eh, So-crates?
328
00:31:01,584 --> 00:31:05,578
- Where are we, dude?
- England, 15th century.
329
00:31:05,955 --> 00:31:08,719
We are in most excellent shape
for our report.
330
00:31:08,791 --> 00:31:11,419
Yeah, all we need is one
more speaker from Medieval.
331
00:31:11,493 --> 00:31:12,790
Excellent.
332
00:31:12,995 --> 00:31:16,557
Billy, you are dealing with
the oddity of time travel...
333
00:31:16,632 --> 00:31:18,657
...with the greatest of ease.
334
00:31:19,870 --> 00:31:21,201
Excuse me.
335
00:31:21,671 --> 00:31:23,730
Do you know where
there are any personages...
336
00:31:23,806 --> 00:31:26,605
...of historical significance around here?
337
00:31:33,817 --> 00:31:35,284
Check it out!
338
00:31:37,287 --> 00:31:39,346
Must be the castle of King Henry.
339
00:31:40,090 --> 00:31:41,615
Let's go, dude!
340
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,386
Billy, guard the booth.
341
00:31:46,197 --> 00:31:48,028
And watch So-crates.
342
00:31:53,471 --> 00:31:56,065
Who should we get for Medieval?
343
00:31:58,009 --> 00:32:00,500
How about that gnarly old goat dude?
344
00:32:04,783 --> 00:32:06,250
I'm in love, dude.
345
00:32:13,225 --> 00:32:17,662
Those must be the princesses
you told yourself about at the Circle K.
346
00:32:19,298 --> 00:32:23,200
We gotta go.
It's a history report, not a babe report.
347
00:32:23,936 --> 00:32:25,335
But, Bill...
348
00:32:26,204 --> 00:32:28,537
Those are historical babes.
349
00:32:30,677 --> 00:32:31,701
Okay.
350
00:32:32,211 --> 00:32:36,307
You're the ladies' man.
How are we gonna meet them?
351
00:32:45,893 --> 00:32:47,223
Excellent!
352
00:32:55,601 --> 00:32:57,695
- Bill.
- What?
353
00:32:57,771 --> 00:32:59,966
- These are heavy.
- Yeah.
354
00:33:00,140 --> 00:33:01,539
Heavy metal.
355
00:33:07,814 --> 00:33:10,512
- We better go find the princesses.
- Yeah.
356
00:33:11,719 --> 00:33:12,982
Watch it!
357
00:33:13,620 --> 00:33:15,918
Who turned out all the lights?
358
00:33:16,858 --> 00:33:19,759
- What?
- I'm Darth Ted.
359
00:33:21,496 --> 00:33:25,593
I'm Luke Bill.
And you're not my father! No!
360
00:33:27,902 --> 00:33:29,131
Come on!
361
00:33:30,872 --> 00:33:33,466
Beat you, I will, yes!
362
00:33:38,846 --> 00:33:42,147
- I totally conquered you, dude!
- No way!
363
00:33:42,718 --> 00:33:43,946
Come on!
364
00:33:45,588 --> 00:33:48,182
I'll never rule the universe with you!
365
00:33:50,493 --> 00:33:51,824
- Bill!
- What?
366
00:33:51,894 --> 00:33:54,761
- We totally know how to sword fight!
- Yeah!
367
00:34:22,026 --> 00:34:24,824
Search the castle! There might be more!
368
00:34:59,598 --> 00:35:01,190
Get out of here!
369
00:35:06,973 --> 00:35:08,133
Bogus.
370
00:35:10,677 --> 00:35:11,904
Heinous.
371
00:35:15,714 --> 00:35:17,841
Most non-triumphant.
372
00:35:25,725 --> 00:35:27,625
Don't be dead, dude.
373
00:35:36,836 --> 00:35:40,238
You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!
374
00:36:04,833 --> 00:36:06,892
Ted! You're alive!
375
00:36:06,968 --> 00:36:10,199
Yeah! I fell out of my suit
when I hit the floor.
376
00:36:12,941 --> 00:36:14,272
Fag!
377
00:36:15,210 --> 00:36:18,203
Dude, you totally boned that dude
in the head!
378
00:36:18,814 --> 00:36:20,610
He's a total bonehead!
379
00:36:20,882 --> 00:36:24,580
He's a fat old man. There must be a way
to escape before the night falls.
380
00:36:24,654 --> 00:36:25,881
But how?
381
00:36:27,422 --> 00:36:28,548
What's that?
382
00:36:30,726 --> 00:36:33,924
Those boys. I can't believe they're here.
383
00:36:36,966 --> 00:36:38,558
How's it going, ladies?
384
00:36:40,703 --> 00:36:42,671
You're the ones
we saw in front of the castle.
385
00:36:45,074 --> 00:36:48,101
I am Ted of San Dimas.
386
00:36:49,078 --> 00:36:52,912
And I bring to you a message of love.
387
00:36:55,519 --> 00:36:56,679
From who?
388
00:36:58,721 --> 00:37:00,247
From myself.
389
00:37:01,025 --> 00:37:03,015
And what is this message you speak of?
390
00:37:06,197 --> 00:37:09,188
Lyrics, dude. Recite them some lyrics.
391
00:37:13,770 --> 00:37:16,673
O you beautiful babes from England...
392
00:37:17,408 --> 00:37:19,433
...for whom we have
traveled through time...
393
00:37:21,045 --> 00:37:23,343
...will you go to the prom with us
in San Dimas?
394
00:37:23,414 --> 00:37:25,677
We will have a most triumphant time.
395
00:37:26,551 --> 00:37:28,212
Way to go, dude.
396
00:37:29,554 --> 00:37:31,147
It's Father!
397
00:37:41,099 --> 00:37:42,692
What does your father want?
398
00:37:42,769 --> 00:37:45,260
We're to be married to
two horrible old men today.
399
00:37:45,338 --> 00:37:46,532
No way!
400
00:37:47,306 --> 00:37:49,366
Will you help us escape?
401
00:37:50,376 --> 00:37:52,003
Of course, babes.
402
00:37:57,117 --> 00:37:59,551
How's it going, royal ugly dudes?
403
00:38:03,322 --> 00:38:05,621
I'm the Earl of Preston.
404
00:38:06,426 --> 00:38:09,589
And I am the Duke of Ted.
405
00:38:23,043 --> 00:38:25,511
Put them in the iron maiden.
406
00:38:26,548 --> 00:38:29,311
Iron maiden? Excellent!
407
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:31,946
Execute them.
408
00:38:33,087 --> 00:38:34,577
Bogus.
409
00:38:36,891 --> 00:38:38,187
We'll save you, babes!
410
00:38:41,663 --> 00:38:44,825
Witches! Heretics! I saw them!
411
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,031
They fell from the sky!
412
00:38:47,369 --> 00:38:48,733
Heretics!
413
00:38:49,571 --> 00:38:51,505
They fell out of the sky!
414
00:38:52,307 --> 00:38:56,108
They had fire in their eyes
and they had horns!
415
00:39:05,954 --> 00:39:07,251
Off with their heads!
416
00:39:13,262 --> 00:39:15,230
- Bill?
- What?
417
00:39:15,631 --> 00:39:20,226
I believe our adventure through time
has taken a most serious turn.
418
00:39:31,814 --> 00:39:33,509
- Billy!
- So-crates!
419
00:39:33,916 --> 00:39:35,281
Let's go!
420
00:39:36,954 --> 00:39:38,922
Guards! After them!
421
00:39:39,157 --> 00:39:41,454
- So-crates!
- Bye, babes!
422
00:39:44,027 --> 00:39:45,585
Catch you later, evil dudes.
423
00:39:46,730 --> 00:39:48,664
Kill them! Guards!
424
00:39:57,208 --> 00:39:58,573
Hurry up!
425
00:39:59,711 --> 00:40:01,110
Out of the way!
426
00:40:46,992 --> 00:40:48,186
Dial fast, dude!
427
00:40:51,231 --> 00:40:54,064
The number you have
dialed is not in service at this time.
428
00:40:54,134 --> 00:40:57,001
Please check your directory and dial again.
429
00:40:57,070 --> 00:40:58,401
Party on, dude.
430
00:41:05,146 --> 00:41:06,773
Okay, I got one! Let's go!
431
00:41:41,283 --> 00:41:42,944
You guys stay here.
432
00:41:45,953 --> 00:41:47,684
Where are we, dude?
433
00:41:48,825 --> 00:41:50,292
I don't know.
434
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:56,289
- Sure do play excellent music.
- Most outstanding.
435
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:19,749
- It's you.
- Yeah. It's us.
436
00:42:21,091 --> 00:42:22,456
Who are we?
437
00:43:13,146 --> 00:43:15,841
I think they want us to say something.
438
00:43:16,282 --> 00:43:17,943
What should I say?
439
00:43:19,185 --> 00:43:20,982
Make something up.
440
00:43:29,129 --> 00:43:31,723
Be excellent to each other.
441
00:43:38,338 --> 00:43:40,066
Party on, dudes.
442
00:43:41,242 --> 00:43:42,709
Good one, dude.
443
00:43:49,149 --> 00:43:51,310
Got to get back to our report.
444
00:43:51,385 --> 00:43:55,322
Yeah. We'd take you with us,
but it's a history report...
445
00:43:55,390 --> 00:43:57,153
...not a future report.
446
00:44:00,595 --> 00:44:01,824
Later.
447
00:44:02,730 --> 00:44:03,992
Later.
448
00:44:07,335 --> 00:44:10,635
- Let's get back and do our report.
- Good idea.
449
00:44:28,590 --> 00:44:32,857
- Dude! Where are we going?
- I don't know! I think the booth's broke!
450
00:44:32,995 --> 00:44:36,556
We've got to keep dialing San Dimas
until we get back and get Napoleon.
451
00:44:39,569 --> 00:44:41,434
Behold.
452
00:44:41,771 --> 00:44:42,931
The Zyggie Pig.
453
00:44:43,006 --> 00:44:46,668
The single greatest ice-cream spectacle
known to man.
454
00:44:46,743 --> 00:44:51,180
"Eat the Pig, eat the Pig,
zyggie, zyggie, zyggie, zyg!"
455
00:44:55,185 --> 00:44:56,675
Emb�tants!
456
00:44:59,456 --> 00:45:00,890
It's ice cream.
457
00:45:01,859 --> 00:45:03,224
You eat it.
458
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:05,692
It's good.
459
00:45:07,966 --> 00:45:08,990
La glace.
460
00:45:10,201 --> 00:45:11,601
Whatever. Just eat it.
461
00:45:32,524 --> 00:45:33,821
All behold!
462
00:45:33,892 --> 00:45:37,795
- He ate the Pig, thus proving that he's...
- A...
463
00:45:37,863 --> 00:45:40,855
"Zyggie piggy!"
464
00:45:58,684 --> 00:46:00,083
What's that?
465
00:46:04,057 --> 00:46:05,523
I don't know.
466
00:46:09,730 --> 00:46:12,163
Shit!
467
00:46:35,123 --> 00:46:37,091
Where did we land now?
468
00:46:38,059 --> 00:46:40,357
Dude, it's Sigmund Frood.
469
00:46:41,029 --> 00:46:42,963
How much time we got left?
470
00:46:43,264 --> 00:46:45,094
Tons. Why?
471
00:46:45,900 --> 00:46:47,630
Extra credit, dude.
472
00:46:51,372 --> 00:46:53,136
How's it going, Frood dude?
473
00:47:02,319 --> 00:47:06,050
What is this? Let go of me.
What are you doing?
474
00:47:45,463 --> 00:47:48,364
Was? Was ist los?
475
00:47:49,033 --> 00:47:50,660
Come on, So-crates.
476
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:42,585
Welcome aboard, Miss Joan of Arc.
477
00:48:42,790 --> 00:48:45,350
My name is Ted and this is Bill.
478
00:49:12,753 --> 00:49:14,984
Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?
479
00:49:15,323 --> 00:49:16,880
Say please.
480
00:49:19,461 --> 00:49:21,519
Come on, guys. Jump him!
481
00:49:26,435 --> 00:49:27,459
Candygram!
482
00:49:38,780 --> 00:49:40,442
Yes, what can I...
483
00:49:47,990 --> 00:49:52,017
We've got plenty of time,
but we don't have any more room left.
484
00:49:52,094 --> 00:49:54,290
- Ted, we're out of control.
- What?
485
00:49:54,364 --> 00:49:55,523
Next place we stop...
486
00:49:55,598 --> 00:49:59,193
...we gotta try and figure out
what's wrong with the booth.
487
00:50:06,308 --> 00:50:09,939
Bill, I think I got an idea what's wrong.
488
00:50:10,247 --> 00:50:11,373
What?
489
00:50:11,782 --> 00:50:13,613
The antenna's broken.
490
00:50:22,326 --> 00:50:23,918
Yeah. All right.
491
00:50:52,891 --> 00:50:54,119
Attends.
492
00:50:58,730 --> 00:50:59,719
Cr�tin.
493
00:51:17,049 --> 00:51:19,017
Come on, let's ditch him.
494
00:51:24,691 --> 00:51:27,091
Attends!
495
00:51:28,728 --> 00:51:29,956
Attends!
496
00:51:32,398 --> 00:51:36,199
- Excusez-moi, monsieur.
- Hold on there. Not so fast, buddy.
497
00:51:36,804 --> 00:51:39,329
- "Buddy"?
- You ain't paid yet.
498
00:51:39,706 --> 00:51:42,039
- Pay?
- Pay.
499
00:51:46,647 --> 00:51:49,549
I don't want to see
you around here anymore! Beat it!
500
00:51:49,617 --> 00:51:52,849
- Vous me connaissez, monsieur?
- Beat it, buddy!
501
00:51:54,421 --> 00:51:55,582
Idiot!
502
00:52:12,540 --> 00:52:13,701
Deacon!
503
00:52:23,885 --> 00:52:27,946
Here is a treat to make
our minor prehistoric pit stop...
504
00:52:28,658 --> 00:52:30,454
...a bit more enjoyable.
505
00:52:32,229 --> 00:52:33,627
Why, thank you.
506
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:03,826
Thanks, guys.
507
00:53:07,232 --> 00:53:09,131
I sure hope this works.
508
00:53:23,781 --> 00:53:25,806
I think it's working, dude.
509
00:53:38,696 --> 00:53:41,689
Just a little farther, I hope.
510
00:53:50,442 --> 00:53:53,377
That's us. We're back in San Dimas!
511
00:53:53,646 --> 00:53:57,481
Yeah. Only now it's not now,
it's last night.
512
00:53:57,851 --> 00:53:58,840
Dude.
513
00:53:58,918 --> 00:54:01,751
- What?
- Let's go talk to ourselves.
514
00:54:01,820 --> 00:54:03,152
Excellent.
515
00:54:03,223 --> 00:54:07,625
- What did we say, anyways?
- I don't know. Let's go find out.
516
00:54:08,662 --> 00:54:10,527
Sixty-nine, dudes!
517
00:54:14,035 --> 00:54:15,969
Look, dudes, we gotta go.
518
00:54:18,773 --> 00:54:22,003
Listen to this dude Rufus.
He knows what he's talking about.
519
00:54:22,075 --> 00:54:26,480
Right. And, Ted,
give my love to the princesses.
520
00:54:27,148 --> 00:54:29,742
- Who?
- You'll see.
521
00:54:31,185 --> 00:54:33,745
Gentlemen, is everything all right?
522
00:54:33,821 --> 00:54:37,279
Yeah, except how come
the number we dialed for San Dimas...
523
00:54:37,358 --> 00:54:40,123
...brought us here
instead of to tomorrow, Rufus?
524
00:54:40,195 --> 00:54:43,255
Because in San Dimas
it is tomorrow, William.
525
00:54:43,332 --> 00:54:45,698
You have to dial one number higher.
526
00:54:46,802 --> 00:54:49,430
Yeah. Thanks, Rufus.
527
00:54:49,805 --> 00:54:52,136
And hurry,
because you don't have much time.
528
00:54:52,206 --> 00:54:55,108
What do you mean, Rufus?
We got 10 hours left.
529
00:54:56,011 --> 00:54:57,911
You got two hours.
530
00:54:58,614 --> 00:55:03,550
Ted, you forgot to wind your watch again.
And after you reminded yourself not to.
531
00:55:03,752 --> 00:55:08,713
I better remind myself again.
Don't forget to wind your watch!
532
00:55:10,326 --> 00:55:11,884
Thanks, Rufus.
533
00:55:14,097 --> 00:55:15,997
Catch you later, Bill and Ted.
534
00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:20,063
That conversation
made more sense this time.
535
00:55:20,135 --> 00:55:23,129
- Watch the gonads, dude.
- Abe, you're too tall, man.
536
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:25,771
That's just the way I'm built.
537
00:55:35,879 --> 00:55:37,212
Great, we made it!
538
00:55:38,616 --> 00:55:41,881
Who's the se�orita? She's cute.
539
00:55:41,953 --> 00:55:43,682
It's his mom, dude.
540
00:55:47,325 --> 00:55:48,383
Hi, guys.
541
00:55:48,493 --> 00:55:50,518
Hi, Missy, I mean, Mom.
542
00:55:52,297 --> 00:55:55,926
Miss Preston,
we'd like you to meet some of our friends.
543
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:59,197
Yeah, this is Dave Beeth Oven.
544
00:56:00,072 --> 00:56:01,538
Sie sind so sch�n, Madame.
545
00:56:01,673 --> 00:56:05,540
And Maxine of Arc, Missy.
546
00:56:06,679 --> 00:56:08,202
Herman the Kid.
547
00:56:09,048 --> 00:56:10,446
Bob Genghis Khan.
548
00:56:11,450 --> 00:56:13,543
So-crates Johnson.
549
00:56:14,019 --> 00:56:15,748
Dennis Frood.
550
00:56:16,121 --> 00:56:17,452
And...
551
00:56:20,092 --> 00:56:21,685
Abraham Lincoln.
552
00:56:22,629 --> 00:56:26,395
It's nice to meet you all.
There are sodas in the fridge.
553
00:56:28,368 --> 00:56:30,232
Can you give us a ride someplace?
554
00:56:30,303 --> 00:56:33,466
Bill, I'm not taking you anywhere
until you do your chores.
555
00:57:10,011 --> 00:57:11,672
Done!
556
00:57:13,415 --> 00:57:15,747
This is the San Dimas Mall...
557
00:57:15,883 --> 00:57:19,081
...and this is where
people of today's world hang out.
558
00:57:20,155 --> 00:57:22,623
All right, everybody,
watch your step getting off.
559
00:57:22,691 --> 00:57:25,855
Beeth Oven,
make sure you don't get sucked under.
560
00:57:28,197 --> 00:57:31,427
Everybody get together.
Remember who your buddy is.
561
00:57:32,168 --> 00:57:35,069
So-crates, watch out for your robe, dude.
562
00:57:37,807 --> 00:57:38,831
Okay.
563
00:57:40,109 --> 00:57:41,542
Follow me.
564
00:57:41,611 --> 00:57:44,978
You got your Broadway down here,
you got your Sears over here.
565
00:57:45,581 --> 00:57:49,882
The stratification of our society
is much like Marie-Antoinette's.
566
00:57:49,953 --> 00:57:51,476
The few possess much...
567
00:57:51,855 --> 00:57:55,222
... while the masses possess little
but their television sets.
568
00:57:55,358 --> 00:57:57,623
This dichotomy led to a revolution...
569
00:57:57,694 --> 00:58:00,663
... in which Antoinette
and her husband were beheaded.
570
00:58:00,731 --> 00:58:03,291
Today, leaders are impeached
rather than beheaded.
571
00:58:04,268 --> 00:58:08,762
Still, while in her day, Marie-Antoinette
said, "Let them eat cake..."
572
00:58:08,839 --> 00:58:11,967
... perhaps today she'd say,
"Let them eat fast food."
573
00:58:17,982 --> 00:58:21,474
- Enjoy!
- Okay, look around. See what you think.
574
00:58:21,952 --> 00:58:24,318
We'll be back as soon as
we find Napoleon, okay?
575
00:58:25,089 --> 00:58:27,649
Come on, dude. We don't got much time.
576
00:58:27,725 --> 00:58:29,819
Yes, but what do we eat?
577
00:58:30,329 --> 00:58:32,057
You ditched Napoleon?
578
00:58:32,931 --> 00:58:36,993
Do you realize you've stranded one of
Europe's greatest leaders in San Dimas?
579
00:58:37,069 --> 00:58:38,057
He was a dick!
580
00:58:42,473 --> 00:58:44,669
How are we going to find him?
581
00:58:47,279 --> 00:58:48,542
Okay, wait.
582
00:58:49,415 --> 00:58:52,543
If we were one of
the greatest generals in history...
583
00:58:52,918 --> 00:58:55,910
...and we were stranded
in San Dimas for one day...
584
00:58:56,822 --> 00:58:58,484
...where would we go?
585
00:59:02,228 --> 00:59:03,490
Waterloo!
586
00:59:16,744 --> 00:59:20,076
Eleven children, please. Are you okay?
587
00:59:24,451 --> 00:59:25,975
We're going.
588
00:59:27,288 --> 00:59:28,516
Come on.
589
00:59:31,859 --> 00:59:33,292
Mon Dieu.
590
00:59:50,145 --> 00:59:52,112
Qu'est-ce que c'est �a?
591
00:59:52,848 --> 00:59:55,248
Buddy, you're holding up the line!
592
00:59:59,054 --> 01:00:01,545
- Sacrebleu.
- Come on, buddy.
593
01:01:24,710 --> 01:01:26,143
Fantastique!
594
01:01:26,212 --> 01:01:29,978
Come on, Napoleon.
Everybody's waiting for us at the mall.
595
01:01:35,554 --> 01:01:39,685
Why be soft and flabby
when you can be firm and trim?
596
01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:41,556
When you can have a body that cries:
597
01:01:41,627 --> 01:01:43,596
"Look at me! Admire me!"
598
01:01:43,663 --> 01:01:46,563
With our specialized weight-training
and aerobics program...
599
01:01:46,632 --> 01:01:50,899
... we can help you attain the kind of body
you've only dreamed of having.
600
01:01:51,004 --> 01:01:53,131
All right, let's go, ladies!
601
01:01:53,907 --> 01:01:57,138
You guys are looking great! Okay!
602
01:01:58,011 --> 01:02:00,275
Jumping jacks! Up!
603
01:02:06,053 --> 01:02:07,314
You a musician?
604
01:02:09,957 --> 01:02:12,289
Here. Try this.
605
01:02:36,118 --> 01:02:37,551
What is this?
606
01:02:37,986 --> 01:02:40,682
- Oh, my God.
- What are they doing?
607
01:02:40,756 --> 01:02:43,815
Yeah, don't you think? Look at his sandals.
608
01:02:45,627 --> 01:02:47,595
I don't believe his clothes.
609
01:02:47,931 --> 01:02:50,922
- Weird.
- They're coming over to sit down.
610
01:02:53,502 --> 01:02:54,526
Hi.
611
01:02:54,937 --> 01:02:56,268
I'm Billy.
612
01:02:57,006 --> 01:02:58,734
This here is So-crates.
613
01:02:58,807 --> 01:03:00,672
- Socrates.
- We're from history.
614
01:03:03,746 --> 01:03:08,240
Hello. I'm Dr. Freud,
but you may call me Siggy.
615
01:03:08,785 --> 01:03:11,583
Oh, my God.
616
01:03:12,055 --> 01:03:15,856
You both seem to be suffering
from a mild form of hysteria.
617
01:03:15,926 --> 01:03:19,054
- God!
- You are such a geek.
618
01:03:22,632 --> 01:03:24,463
Way to go, egghead.
619
01:03:26,604 --> 01:03:29,596
- Geek.
- What is a geek?
620
01:04:02,541 --> 01:04:04,303
I need help. I got a live one here.
621
01:04:08,614 --> 01:04:11,946
Okay, I need the Lincoln hat
and the stupid beard back.
622
01:04:12,017 --> 01:04:15,454
You don't understand.
I'm Abraham Lincoln.
623
01:04:15,922 --> 01:04:18,823
Yeah, right. Come on, mister!
624
01:04:18,891 --> 01:04:21,485
- It's my hat and my beard!
- Come on!
625
01:04:30,037 --> 01:04:32,471
Keep it up! You're looking great!
626
01:04:51,224 --> 01:04:53,818
- Take it easy there!
- Stop! Hold it right there!
627
01:04:53,894 --> 01:04:55,521
Cut that guy off!
628
01:04:59,567 --> 01:05:00,727
Stop him!
629
01:05:14,116 --> 01:05:17,084
- No, Sig! Over here!
- Excuse me, miss.
630
01:05:17,719 --> 01:05:20,120
- Move.
- Pardon me.
631
01:05:22,557 --> 01:05:26,154
- I demand einen lawyer.
- Don't get smart, buddy. Let's go.
632
01:05:42,979 --> 01:05:44,742
There they are!
633
01:05:53,188 --> 01:05:55,214
All right, come on, grandpa.
634
01:05:59,496 --> 01:06:00,656
Bogus!
635
01:06:03,968 --> 01:06:05,525
That's enough.
636
01:06:14,045 --> 01:06:16,171
Mom, can't you go any faster?
637
01:06:31,962 --> 01:06:35,693
I want to know
why you claim to be Sigmund Freud.
638
01:06:36,269 --> 01:06:38,464
Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud?
639
01:06:38,603 --> 01:06:41,333
Why do you
keep asking me these questions?
640
01:06:42,375 --> 01:06:43,966
Tell me about your mother.
641
01:06:44,609 --> 01:06:45,838
God.
642
01:06:46,078 --> 01:06:49,571
- Would you like a couch to lie on?
- No, I don't want a couch to lie on.
643
01:06:57,023 --> 01:07:00,287
- All right. What's your name?
- Abraham Lincoln.
644
01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:03,751
That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N.
645
01:07:04,729 --> 01:07:06,426
I know how to spell "Lincoln."
646
01:07:09,103 --> 01:07:11,162
What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln?
647
01:07:11,337 --> 01:07:15,068
February 12, 1809.
648
01:07:18,479 --> 01:07:21,073
Everything is different, but the same.
649
01:07:22,282 --> 01:07:25,342
Things are more moderner than before.
650
01:07:25,552 --> 01:07:26,814
Bigger...
651
01:07:27,821 --> 01:07:29,755
... and yet smaller.
652
01:07:33,862 --> 01:07:35,523
There's computers.
653
01:07:40,502 --> 01:07:41,763
Take your time.
654
01:07:42,604 --> 01:07:45,072
San Dimas high-school football rules!
655
01:07:59,454 --> 01:08:02,185
I can't believe my dad arrested them all.
656
01:08:03,826 --> 01:08:05,225
What are we going to do?
657
01:08:05,294 --> 01:08:08,661
You go in and talk to your dad.
I'm gonna scope the place out.
658
01:08:08,731 --> 01:08:12,292
Missy, I mean, Mom,
please keep an eye on Napoleon.
659
01:08:14,869 --> 01:08:15,859
Stay.
660
01:08:20,609 --> 01:08:23,841
- Lock him up with the rest of the wackos.
- I am a lawyer, you know.
661
01:08:23,914 --> 01:08:26,677
- Dad!
- You pack your bags.
662
01:08:27,284 --> 01:08:29,013
- What?
- You're going to military school.
663
01:08:29,085 --> 01:08:31,076
- But, Dad...
- I don't wanna hear it!
664
01:08:32,022 --> 01:08:34,651
You go home and you pack your bags now!
665
01:08:42,199 --> 01:08:43,860
- How'd it go?
- Bad.
666
01:08:43,934 --> 01:08:48,429
Our historical figures are all locked up
and my dad won't let them out.
667
01:08:48,673 --> 01:08:50,367
Can we get your dad's keys?
668
01:08:50,440 --> 01:08:53,807
We could steal them,
but he lost them two days ago.
669
01:08:53,878 --> 01:08:58,406
If only we could go back in time
to when he had them and steal 'em then.
670
01:08:59,617 --> 01:09:02,347
- Why can't we?
- 'Cause we don't got time.
671
01:09:02,520 --> 01:09:04,454
We could do it after the report.
672
01:09:05,657 --> 01:09:07,214
Good thinking, dude!
673
01:09:07,292 --> 01:09:09,919
After the report,
we'll time travel back to two days ago...
674
01:09:09,994 --> 01:09:11,962
...steal the keys and leave them here!
675
01:09:12,697 --> 01:09:16,099
- Where?
- Don't know. How about behind that sign?
676
01:09:16,936 --> 01:09:20,666
That way, when we get here now,
they'll be waiting for us.
677
01:09:22,541 --> 01:09:24,873
- See?
- Yeah!
678
01:09:25,010 --> 01:09:29,345
So, after the report, we can't forget
to do this, otherwise it won't happen.
679
01:09:29,415 --> 01:09:32,976
But it did happen!
It was me who stole my dad's keys!
680
01:09:33,219 --> 01:09:35,278
That's exactly it. Come on.
681
01:09:38,991 --> 01:09:40,254
- Mom?
- Yes?
682
01:09:40,726 --> 01:09:43,253
- Can you please bring the car around back?
- Sure.
683
01:09:44,965 --> 01:09:48,525
Come on. We've got some
historical figures to rescue.
684
01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:50,902
Over and out.
685
01:10:06,853 --> 01:10:09,344
How are we going to get past my dad?
686
01:10:10,323 --> 01:10:13,225
- You got a tape recorder at home?
- Yeah.
687
01:10:14,162 --> 01:10:18,098
- Remember to get the tape recorder.
- Yeah.
688
01:10:18,166 --> 01:10:20,258
Set a timer on it for...
689
01:10:21,335 --> 01:10:22,427
2:13.
690
01:10:22,670 --> 01:10:24,501
- Got it?
- Got it.
691
01:10:27,176 --> 01:10:29,871
- What am I going to say on it?
- Dad!
692
01:10:31,146 --> 01:10:32,170
Hey, Dad!
693
01:10:32,814 --> 01:10:34,338
It's you, dude.
694
01:10:38,719 --> 01:10:41,086
- Ted?
- I'm over here.
695
01:10:43,693 --> 01:10:45,990
Yeah, this way!
696
01:11:07,950 --> 01:11:09,441
Look! Check it out.
697
01:11:11,688 --> 01:11:13,314
"Dear Bill and Ted.
698
01:11:13,423 --> 01:11:15,050
"Good luck on the report.
699
01:11:15,125 --> 01:11:19,619
"Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire
and Ted 'Theodore' Logan."
700
01:11:20,030 --> 01:11:21,190
That was nice of us.
701
01:11:21,931 --> 01:11:23,126
"P.S.
702
01:11:23,768 --> 01:11:24,927
"Duck!"
703
01:11:30,207 --> 01:11:31,299
Excellent work, dude.
704
01:11:31,375 --> 01:11:33,241
- Way to go!
- Come on.
705
01:11:47,091 --> 01:11:49,616
- Merci.
- People, time is of the essence.
706
01:11:49,694 --> 01:11:53,131
I ask that you all work together
so that we can get down to the car.
707
01:11:53,198 --> 01:11:54,961
Very quiet. Quiet!
708
01:11:57,069 --> 01:11:59,731
Against the wall, everybody, please.
Single file.
709
01:12:00,539 --> 01:12:03,632
- Hurry up, Billy.
- How do we get out of here?
710
01:12:03,976 --> 01:12:05,500
Over here, Dad!
711
01:12:05,912 --> 01:12:07,038
Down here!
712
01:12:07,112 --> 01:12:09,445
Way to go, dude. You stalled him.
713
01:12:09,515 --> 01:12:11,279
What else do I say?
714
01:12:11,351 --> 01:12:16,049
And now, opening for Iron Maiden,
Wyld Stallyns!
715
01:12:20,093 --> 01:12:22,391
Come on, put your back into it.
716
01:12:23,062 --> 01:12:25,292
What in the hell do you think you're doing?
717
01:12:25,832 --> 01:12:30,291
- Trashcan. Remember a trashcan.
- Trashcan? What are you talking about?
718
01:12:30,770 --> 01:12:32,293
Get this thing off me!
719
01:12:32,805 --> 01:12:36,675
Sorry, Dad,
but we got to go pass our history report.
720
01:12:37,778 --> 01:12:39,836
By the way, I found your keys.
721
01:12:40,214 --> 01:12:42,580
Where are you? Get this off me!
722
01:12:49,623 --> 01:12:53,992
In conclusion, I think Abraham Lincoln
would be most impressed...
723
01:12:54,061 --> 01:12:57,589
... with the world of San Dimas.
I know I am.
724
01:13:08,076 --> 01:13:11,476
Down the hall, to the left. Quiet.
725
01:13:13,013 --> 01:13:16,609
And I'm sure I speak
for Mr. Ward and Mrs. Rowe...
726
01:13:17,084 --> 01:13:20,020
...when I say that your reports
were very entertaining...
727
01:13:20,088 --> 01:13:22,523
...and very informative for all of us.
728
01:13:23,091 --> 01:13:25,855
It seems we may be
one report short today...
729
01:13:26,127 --> 01:13:28,459
...so we'll leave just a bit early.
730
01:13:30,398 --> 01:13:33,664
But once again, I want to thank you all
for your very hard work.
731
01:13:35,638 --> 01:13:37,697
Who turned out the lights?
732
01:13:40,643 --> 01:13:42,474
Hello, San Dimas.
733
01:13:42,979 --> 01:13:46,779
Please welcome,
for the final report of the afternoon...
734
01:13:47,084 --> 01:13:49,109
... from all throughout history...
735
01:13:49,218 --> 01:13:52,415
... some of the greatest people
who have ever lived...
736
01:13:52,890 --> 01:13:56,724
... in their 1988 world tour!
737
01:14:05,035 --> 01:14:06,560
How's it going?
738
01:14:07,104 --> 01:14:08,401
I'm Billy the Kid.
739
01:14:21,753 --> 01:14:24,654
I'd like you all to put your hands together.
740
01:14:31,463 --> 01:14:33,987
Now, my good friends...
741
01:14:35,100 --> 01:14:38,330
...Bill S. Preston, Esquire...
742
01:14:38,470 --> 01:14:41,097
...and Ted "Theodore" Logan.
743
01:14:42,507 --> 01:14:43,907
Thank you.
744
01:14:45,311 --> 01:14:47,438
Hello, San Dimas High.
745
01:14:48,414 --> 01:14:51,781
Mr. Ryan,
fellow distinguished classmates...
746
01:14:51,917 --> 01:14:54,010
...teachers, babes.
747
01:14:55,054 --> 01:15:00,015
- Our first speaker was born in 470 B.C.
- Hi! Long time no see.
748
01:15:00,894 --> 01:15:02,794
A time when much of the world...
749
01:15:02,862 --> 01:15:06,319
...looked like the cover of
the Led Zeppelin album Houses of the Holy.
750
01:15:06,732 --> 01:15:11,692
We were there. There were many steps
and columns. It was most tranquil.
751
01:15:12,572 --> 01:15:15,872
He is sometimes known
as the father of modern thought.
752
01:15:16,176 --> 01:15:20,112
He was the teacher of Plato,
who was in turn the teacher of Aristotle.
753
01:15:20,246 --> 01:15:25,206
And like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly
accused of corruption of the young.
754
01:15:26,019 --> 01:15:28,011
And since he doesn't speak English...
755
01:15:28,089 --> 01:15:30,990
...my friend Ted, here,
is gonna interpret for him.
756
01:15:31,058 --> 01:15:34,255
So please welcome,
to tell us what he thinks of San Dimas...
757
01:15:34,328 --> 01:15:37,888
...the most bodacious
philosophizer in ancient Greece...
758
01:15:38,231 --> 01:15:39,892
...Socrates!
759
01:15:42,570 --> 01:15:45,904
...totally out of control.
I've got a good idea where he gets it.
760
01:15:45,974 --> 01:15:50,934
If you and your wife used a little discipline,
your son wouldn't be such a bad influence.
761
01:15:51,012 --> 01:15:53,004
Is discipline your key to success with Ted?
762
01:15:53,081 --> 01:15:55,948
Yes, it is! He's going to
an Alaskan military school.
763
01:15:56,385 --> 01:15:59,218
...loves you best...
764
01:16:01,857 --> 01:16:03,484
...in all the world.
765
01:16:04,426 --> 01:16:06,394
What are they doing up there?
766
01:16:07,528 --> 01:16:10,988
He also loves baseball.
767
01:16:12,335 --> 01:16:16,032
Therefore, Ted's father's
own fear of failure...
768
01:16:16,338 --> 01:16:19,604
...has caused him
to make his son the embodiment...
769
01:16:19,776 --> 01:16:24,736
...of all of his own deepest anxieties
about himself.
770
01:16:25,715 --> 01:16:30,119
And hence,
his aggression transference onto Ted.
771
01:16:34,691 --> 01:16:35,681
Okay?
772
01:16:38,095 --> 01:16:41,087
Yes.
Thank you very much, Sigmund Freud.
773
01:16:44,835 --> 01:16:47,860
No, just got a minor Oedipal complex.
774
01:16:49,973 --> 01:16:52,636
It is indeed a pleasure
to introduce to you...
775
01:16:52,811 --> 01:16:55,938
...a gentleman we picked up
in medieval Mongolia...
776
01:16:56,013 --> 01:16:58,005
...in the year 1269.
777
01:16:58,583 --> 01:17:01,574
Please welcome,
the very excellent barbarian...
778
01:17:01,719 --> 01:17:04,210
...Mr. Genghis Khan!
779
01:17:07,593 --> 01:17:10,619
This is a dude who, 700 years ago...
780
01:17:11,130 --> 01:17:15,293
...totally ravaged China,
and who, we are told, two hours ago...
781
01:17:15,366 --> 01:17:17,960
...totally ravaged
Oshman's Sporting Goods.
782
01:17:20,271 --> 01:17:24,003
A most bodacious soldier and general...
783
01:17:24,076 --> 01:17:27,533
...Miss Of Arc totally rousted
the English from France.
784
01:17:27,980 --> 01:17:31,312
And then she turned this dude,
Dauphin, into a king.
785
01:17:31,550 --> 01:17:34,178
And all this by the time she was 17.
786
01:17:35,455 --> 01:17:38,822
Je vais remporter un triomphe terrible...
787
01:17:39,391 --> 01:17:41,859
... en Russie...
788
01:17:42,629 --> 01:17:45,961
... avec mes waterslides.
789
01:17:47,167 --> 01:17:50,466
The music of Ludwig von Beethoven.
790
01:17:54,075 --> 01:17:56,702
As you can see,
Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies...
791
01:17:56,777 --> 01:17:58,904
...because of the excellent sugar rush.
792
01:17:59,312 --> 01:18:02,076
He also loves billiards.
793
01:18:04,185 --> 01:18:07,712
Beethoven's favorite works include
Mozart's Requiem...
794
01:18:07,788 --> 01:18:11,280
... Handel's Messiah,
and Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet.
795
01:18:12,325 --> 01:18:17,058
To improve on the condition of her armies,
Joan of Arc plans on instituting...
796
01:18:17,130 --> 01:18:20,863
...a full-scale aerobics program
on her return to France.
797
01:18:21,269 --> 01:18:23,738
I don't think it's going to work.
798
01:18:27,775 --> 01:18:29,470
Triomphe, Napol�on!
799
01:18:36,051 --> 01:18:37,416
He loves...
800
01:18:38,920 --> 01:18:40,945
He loves San Dimas.
801
01:18:50,732 --> 01:18:53,258
And now, for our last speaker.
802
01:18:54,671 --> 01:18:59,300
One of the greatest presidents
in American history...
803
01:19:00,442 --> 01:19:03,607
...Mr. Abraham Lincoln.
804
01:19:24,500 --> 01:19:26,469
Fourscore and...
805
01:19:28,806 --> 01:19:30,398
...seven minutes ago...
806
01:19:31,141 --> 01:19:34,441
...we, your forefathers...
807
01:19:35,646 --> 01:19:40,242
...were brought forth upon
a most excellent adventure...
808
01:19:41,785 --> 01:19:45,381
...conceived by our new friends...
809
01:19:46,825 --> 01:19:48,019
...Bill...
810
01:19:50,160 --> 01:19:51,492
...and Ted.
811
01:19:53,565 --> 01:19:56,500
These two great gentlemen...
812
01:19:57,801 --> 01:20:00,362
...are dedicated to a proposition...
813
01:20:00,773 --> 01:20:02,764
...which was true in my time...
814
01:20:03,975 --> 01:20:05,944
...just as it's true today.
815
01:20:10,048 --> 01:20:13,644
Be excellent to each other.
816
01:20:15,688 --> 01:20:16,849
And...
817
01:20:18,391 --> 01:20:20,188
...party on, dudes!
818
01:20:28,936 --> 01:20:30,699
No way!
819
01:20:40,948 --> 01:20:43,076
Thank you, San Dimas High.
820
01:21:13,214 --> 01:21:15,911
We want more!
821
01:21:22,791 --> 01:21:23,950
Intro.
822
01:21:24,426 --> 01:21:27,191
I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
823
01:21:38,974 --> 01:21:40,567
What's up, Ted?
824
01:21:45,015 --> 01:21:46,982
We traveled through time.
825
01:21:47,050 --> 01:21:52,009
I mean, we met lots of great leaders
and we got an A plus on our history report.
826
01:21:53,523 --> 01:21:56,652
And look at us. Nothing's different.
827
01:21:59,663 --> 01:22:01,494
Maybe it's time we get Eddie Van Halen.
828
01:22:03,500 --> 01:22:05,662
Maybe we should start
learning how to play.
829
01:22:07,070 --> 01:22:08,664
Maybe you're right.
830
01:22:24,056 --> 01:22:27,253
Hello again, my excellent friends.
831
01:22:29,260 --> 01:22:32,253
Congratulations on
passing your history report.
832
01:22:33,364 --> 01:22:36,198
Rufus, the babes.
833
01:22:36,268 --> 01:22:38,566
We looked all over England for you.
834
01:22:38,637 --> 01:22:41,470
Where'd you get those savory clothes?
835
01:22:42,541 --> 01:22:45,602
Rufus introduced us to
a place called the mall.
836
01:22:46,111 --> 01:22:48,443
And something called credit cards.
837
01:22:49,381 --> 01:22:53,716
I got them out of England just before
they had to marry those royal ugly dudes.
838
01:22:54,120 --> 01:22:55,747
Way to go, Rufus.
839
01:23:05,565 --> 01:23:07,898
How can we ever thank you, Rufus?
840
01:23:08,001 --> 01:23:11,437
You can start by signing this for my kids.
841
01:23:12,472 --> 01:23:15,600
- Why?
- They're big fans of yours.
842
01:23:16,008 --> 01:23:18,203
- What?
- Everyone is.
843
01:23:18,778 --> 01:23:23,182
Wyld Stallyns' music has become
the foundation of our whole society.
844
01:23:24,952 --> 01:23:26,442
No way!
845
01:23:26,854 --> 01:23:28,549
Yes way!
846
01:23:28,956 --> 01:23:33,860
In fact, I believe you were there.
That futuristic place with the domes?
847
01:23:34,729 --> 01:23:36,390
And the totally excellent music.
848
01:23:37,832 --> 01:23:39,857
They totally worshipped us there.
849
01:23:40,034 --> 01:23:41,228
I know.
850
01:23:41,369 --> 01:23:45,429
That's why I was sent to make sure
you passed your history report.
851
01:23:45,606 --> 01:23:49,738
If you guys were separated, it would have
been disastrous for life as we know it.
852
01:23:50,145 --> 01:23:54,809
You see, eventually, your music
will help to end war and poverty.
853
01:23:55,483 --> 01:23:59,249
It will align the planets
and bring them into universal harmony...
854
01:23:59,420 --> 01:24:02,254
...allowing meaningful contact
with all forms of life...
855
01:24:02,726 --> 01:24:07,219
...from extraterrestrial beings
to common household pets.
856
01:24:07,596 --> 01:24:08,755
And...
857
01:24:09,832 --> 01:24:11,925
...it's excellent for dancing.
858
01:24:15,404 --> 01:24:18,238
Why don't you have the ladies sign as well,
would you please?
859
01:24:18,308 --> 01:24:21,299
- After all, they are in the band.
- They are?
860
01:24:21,377 --> 01:24:24,005
Excellent!
861
01:24:24,446 --> 01:24:26,641
Where are you going, Rufus?
862
01:24:27,317 --> 01:24:29,181
I got a surprise for you.
863
01:24:38,396 --> 01:24:39,384
Here.
864
01:24:40,830 --> 01:24:43,060
That's to help you
as you start your new band.
865
01:24:43,466 --> 01:24:44,831
Thanks, Rufus.
866
01:24:44,901 --> 01:24:48,531
I just have one further humble request:
867
01:24:48,873 --> 01:24:52,365
If I might be so honored to jam with you?
868
01:24:53,411 --> 01:24:56,903
- Do you know how to play, Rufus?
- I play a little.
869
01:25:20,872 --> 01:25:24,534
- Most outstanding.
- Let's jam.
870
01:25:32,819 --> 01:25:35,413
- Bill, my friend?
- Yes, Ted, my friend?
871
01:25:35,488 --> 01:25:38,389
This has been a most excellent adventure.
872
01:25:39,359 --> 01:25:40,758
- One.
- Two.
873
01:25:40,827 --> 01:25:42,728
One, two, three, four!
874
01:25:49,602 --> 01:25:51,331
They do get better.
875
01:25:51,800 --> 01:25:54,916
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