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1
00:03:38,845 --> 00:03:40,144
- It was sort of a weird day.
2
00:03:40,144 --> 00:03:42,481
The wind was lightish,
3
00:03:42,481 --> 00:03:44,890
and I was just kitin' there.
4
00:03:44,890 --> 00:03:48,880
I cut over to the south
tower and some stuff fell
5
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,556
so I cut back the other way and
6
00:03:51,556 --> 00:03:54,551
I just saw a mass falling towards my kite
7
00:03:54,551 --> 00:03:56,871
and I thought it was the same thing,
8
00:03:56,871 --> 00:03:59,218
and so I turned the kite back
9
00:03:59,218 --> 00:04:00,999
and then I looked over
10
00:04:00,999 --> 00:04:02,919
and, you know, before they hit,
11
00:04:02,919 --> 00:04:05,551
I realized it was a
person that had jumped.
12
00:04:05,551 --> 00:04:08,271
So then I cut over just to see
13
00:04:08,271 --> 00:04:10,807
or maybe possibly help.
14
00:04:10,807 --> 00:04:12,588
The current just sucked them under
15
00:04:12,588 --> 00:04:15,095
and I stayed in the tide because I knew
16
00:04:15,095 --> 00:04:18,170
that the Coast Guard would come and
17
00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:21,185
that's when it became more
of a surreal experience to me
18
00:04:21,185 --> 00:04:25,001
because I've seen that Coast
Guard boat a million times
19
00:04:25,001 --> 00:04:27,411
and they've helped us out and rescued us
20
00:04:27,411 --> 00:04:28,713
when we have problems,
21
00:04:28,713 --> 00:04:31,848
but they're all wearing
the white hazmat suits
22
00:04:31,848 --> 00:04:34,024
and that's when I realize that
23
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,027
there was definitely a person in.
24
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,875
- I never knew the real
scale of the problem.
25
00:04:43,875 --> 00:04:46,787
I don't know, the whole
thing is crazy to me.
26
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,781
I mean, I just don't even understand it.
27
00:04:48,781 --> 00:04:50,317
Really.
28
00:04:50,317 --> 00:04:52,054
- When I was riding back after that time,
29
00:04:52,054 --> 00:04:55,559
I was thinking about how
30
00:04:55,559 --> 00:04:58,090
that person was at the lowest of the low
31
00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:02,272
of their life obviously
and how the whole day
32
00:05:02,272 --> 00:05:04,618
all I could think about,
it's gonna be a good day
33
00:05:04,618 --> 00:05:07,359
to go out and kite and
pack my passions for it
34
00:05:07,359 --> 00:05:10,612
and here at the same time, you know,
35
00:05:10,612 --> 00:05:13,827
I'm reaching for what I love to do
36
00:05:13,827 --> 00:05:15,584
and this person's ending their life
37
00:05:15,584 --> 00:05:18,231
so that was unreal.
38
00:05:18,231 --> 00:05:20,108
- Yeah, exactly, kiting is, to me,
39
00:05:20,108 --> 00:05:22,337
a real celebration of life.
40
00:05:22,337 --> 00:05:24,566
It's exhilarating, it's thrilling,
41
00:05:24,566 --> 00:05:26,955
it's just awesome.
42
00:05:26,955 --> 00:05:29,185
So it's a real juxtaposition of
43
00:05:29,185 --> 00:05:31,552
celebration of life and ending of life.
44
00:05:31,552 --> 00:05:34,267
# Quiet
45
00:05:36,150 --> 00:05:40,376
# It's neither heaven nor space
46
00:05:41,392 --> 00:05:44,037
# It's just high
47
00:05:47,136 --> 00:05:51,026
# And the ring around the moon
48
00:05:52,011 --> 00:05:55,125
# Looks like light and love #
49
00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:57,674
- It was one of those
epic days in San Francisco
50
00:05:57,674 --> 00:05:59,445
driving across the Golden Gate Bridge.
51
00:05:59,445 --> 00:06:00,736
It was crystal clear.
52
00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:02,942
The day was calm.
53
00:06:02,942 --> 00:06:05,450
There were tourists
walking across the bridge
54
00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:07,935
and usually on those types of days
55
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:10,164
I always soak in the beauty of the bay
56
00:06:10,164 --> 00:06:13,204
and look over to Alcatraz,
57
00:06:13,204 --> 00:06:16,697
and on that particular day
58
00:06:16,697 --> 00:06:19,486
I looked over, I was
probably a little bit more
59
00:06:19,486 --> 00:06:23,710
than mid-span when I saw
60
00:06:23,710 --> 00:06:26,942
this gentleman on the railings,
61
00:06:26,942 --> 00:06:29,114
and at first glance, I thought,
62
00:06:29,114 --> 00:06:31,409
wow, this guy looks like
he's gonna bungee jump
63
00:06:31,409 --> 00:06:32,610
because of the way that
64
00:06:32,610 --> 00:06:36,343
he was standing on the railing and then
65
00:06:36,343 --> 00:06:38,791
common sense kicked in and said you can't.
66
00:06:38,791 --> 00:06:42,437
My thoughts were you
couldn't jump off the bridge,
67
00:06:42,437 --> 00:06:44,604
bungee jump off the bridge,
68
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:47,430
and then he just kind of held his arms out
69
00:06:47,430 --> 00:06:51,750
and disappeared and I wasn't sure if
70
00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:55,632
I was imagining this and so
I drove for a few seconds
71
00:06:55,632 --> 00:06:57,829
and looked in my review mirror
72
00:06:57,829 --> 00:07:02,000
and my heart rate went up and I almost
73
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,896
felt like I wanted to start crying because
74
00:07:05,896 --> 00:07:08,570
I thought to myself, wow, I
might be one of the last people
75
00:07:08,570 --> 00:07:11,524
that have ever seen this person alive.
76
00:07:12,951 --> 00:07:14,807
When I went into the tower
77
00:07:14,807 --> 00:07:17,292
and I talked to the highway patrolmen,
78
00:07:17,292 --> 00:07:19,318
you know, I asked him blatantly, I said,
79
00:07:19,318 --> 00:07:20,620
"Is this a rare occurrence
80
00:07:20,620 --> 00:07:23,467
"or does this happen often?"
81
00:07:23,467 --> 00:07:25,771
And he looked at me and kinda smiled
82
00:07:25,771 --> 00:07:29,065
and just said, "It
happens it all the time."
83
00:07:57,355 --> 00:08:00,117
- It's hard to define Gene as a person.
84
00:08:00,117 --> 00:08:01,003
He was
85
00:08:03,843 --> 00:08:07,006
just not of this world,
86
00:08:07,006 --> 00:08:09,789
I think is really the truth of it.
87
00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:13,237
Not of this world as we know it.
88
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:19,066
His mother was woman who said,
89
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,541
"Oh, I never want children,"
90
00:08:21,541 --> 00:08:25,778
and then a few years later,
she found herself pregnant
91
00:08:25,778 --> 00:08:28,285
and decided
92
00:08:29,975 --> 00:08:32,287
to have the child
93
00:08:32,287 --> 00:08:35,913
rather than leave the
country for an alternative
94
00:08:35,913 --> 00:08:38,676
and she was looking forward to it
95
00:08:38,676 --> 00:08:42,686
and so came my friend Gene,
96
00:08:42,686 --> 00:08:46,611
who was always referred to
as my little brother, Thump.
97
00:08:46,611 --> 00:08:49,814
He was born an old man.
98
00:08:51,824 --> 00:08:55,460
And all their lives it
was just the two of them,
99
00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:56,768
pretty much.
100
00:08:56,768 --> 00:08:58,630
People came and went in their lives
101
00:08:58,630 --> 00:09:02,026
in relationships of various sorts, but
102
00:09:02,026 --> 00:09:04,875
it was mostly just always the two of them,
103
00:09:04,875 --> 00:09:08,139
dependent on each other for
104
00:09:09,681 --> 00:09:12,603
that stability that
105
00:09:12,603 --> 00:09:15,739
one thinks of as tomorrow is coming
106
00:09:15,739 --> 00:09:18,712
and we will do this and we will do that.
107
00:09:25,245 --> 00:09:27,431
- Growing up
with Lisa in Marin,
108
00:09:27,431 --> 00:09:29,639
she was just, like, completely normal
109
00:09:29,639 --> 00:09:30,730
until she was like 14.
110
00:09:30,730 --> 00:09:31,697
- 14.
111
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,342
- Yeah, and I'm four years older
112
00:09:33,342 --> 00:09:35,026
and I moved away, I lived in Alaska,
113
00:09:35,026 --> 00:09:37,108
and my mom would write me and say,
114
00:09:37,108 --> 00:09:39,992
"Hey, Lisa's acting strange
115
00:09:39,992 --> 00:09:41,491
"and doing this things,"
116
00:09:41,491 --> 00:09:44,195
and I kept telling her it was
117
00:09:44,195 --> 00:09:46,711
typical teenage stuff
and I came back, like,
118
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:48,648
10 months later.
119
00:09:48,648 --> 00:09:50,142
There was a big change.
120
00:09:50,142 --> 00:09:51,837
- Our upbringing
121
00:09:54,267 --> 00:09:57,498
was fabulous, I would say, until my father
122
00:09:57,498 --> 00:09:59,799
suddenly died when I was 14.
123
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:02,111
- Well, that was a shock.
124
00:10:02,111 --> 00:10:03,767
That threw all three of us,
125
00:10:03,767 --> 00:10:06,060
but it didn't make Jeff
and I mentally ill,
126
00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:09,276
but Lisa had different personality.
127
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:12,592
She wasn't as outgoing as my brother or I,
128
00:10:12,592 --> 00:10:13,649
and she was just--
129
00:10:13,649 --> 00:10:15,629
- She was more angelic.
130
00:10:17,614 --> 00:10:20,078
We went through all the counselors
131
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:24,323
and finally got her to
go to a psychiatrist,
132
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:28,045
and he said that Lisa is
a paranoid schizophrenic
133
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,536
and she will never recover.
134
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:34,698
That was a terrible
thing to tell a mother.
135
00:10:34,698 --> 00:10:36,842
He says, "You have to take her right now
136
00:10:36,842 --> 00:10:39,306
"to the crisis center at Marin General."
137
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,023
She immediately, when we got there,
138
00:10:41,023 --> 00:10:43,903
got on the payphone and
started calling her friends
139
00:10:43,903 --> 00:10:46,385
and telling 'em how terrible I was
140
00:10:46,385 --> 00:10:48,700
to bring her to this place.
141
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:51,980
Well, they brought her
into the crisis unit
142
00:10:51,980 --> 00:10:55,276
and do you know, for all the bad things
143
00:10:55,276 --> 00:10:58,135
she did when she was home,
144
00:10:58,135 --> 00:11:01,576
she straightened up, acted as if
145
00:11:01,576 --> 00:11:03,564
she was perfectly normal
146
00:11:03,564 --> 00:11:05,675
and they discharged her.
147
00:11:05,675 --> 00:11:08,257
We went through that several times.
148
00:11:14,646 --> 00:11:16,224
She had her own style.
149
00:11:16,224 --> 00:11:17,728
She liked to wear headbands.
150
00:11:17,728 --> 00:11:19,936
She liked to wear black.
151
00:11:19,936 --> 00:11:22,602
- Black leather headbands with rhinestones
152
00:11:22,602 --> 00:11:23,925
and matching gloves
153
00:11:23,925 --> 00:11:25,669
with no fingers
- And she always wore
154
00:11:25,669 --> 00:11:27,588
bicycle gloves.
155
00:11:27,588 --> 00:11:30,129
- No, Harley Rider gloves.
156
00:11:30,129 --> 00:11:31,399
You know, leather.
157
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,045
- Leather, leather.
158
00:11:33,045 --> 00:11:33,986
- Leather gloves.
- She was
159
00:11:33,986 --> 00:11:35,326
a leather queen.
- Yes, yes.
160
00:11:50,222 --> 00:11:53,480
- I met Gene at a comic book convention
161
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,360
in Oakland.
162
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,261
We just hit it off immediately.
163
00:11:57,261 --> 00:11:58,584
By looking at us, you wouldn't think
164
00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:01,032
that we'd become such tight friends,
165
00:12:01,032 --> 00:12:03,730
but we did.
166
00:12:03,730 --> 00:12:06,631
You know, he looked like the
167
00:12:06,631 --> 00:12:09,475
cool rocker type, you know,
168
00:12:09,475 --> 00:12:12,269
long hair, you know,
everything about him is
169
00:12:12,269 --> 00:12:14,125
just cool and the ladies like it
170
00:12:14,125 --> 00:12:17,751
and I was Mr. Hiphop, you know,
171
00:12:17,751 --> 00:12:19,661
other side of the spectrum and stuff.
172
00:12:19,661 --> 00:12:21,538
- Everything was black.
173
00:12:21,538 --> 00:12:23,020
His clothes were black.
174
00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:24,458
His hair was black.
175
00:12:26,758 --> 00:12:28,769
The curtains were black.
176
00:12:28,769 --> 00:12:30,785
The walls were black.
177
00:12:30,785 --> 00:12:32,394
The sheets were black.
178
00:12:34,292 --> 00:12:35,768
He just wanted...
179
00:12:37,428 --> 00:12:40,211
It's as though he wanted no,
180
00:12:40,211 --> 00:12:42,622
no contrasts.
181
00:12:42,622 --> 00:12:46,121
He mostly just wanted to be
in his room with his computer.
182
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,914
- Me and Gene had long talks about
183
00:12:49,914 --> 00:12:53,839
love and where he's trying to find it,
184
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:57,189
and I told him he's not gonna
find it on the internet.
185
00:12:57,189 --> 00:12:58,788
A lot of times, he didn't want to hear it.
186
00:12:58,788 --> 00:13:01,924
He just wanted what he saw.
187
00:13:01,924 --> 00:13:03,663
He would send me pictures of these girls
188
00:13:03,663 --> 00:13:06,135
and I'm like,
189
00:13:06,135 --> 00:13:07,748
"Dude, what are you doing?"
190
00:13:07,748 --> 00:13:09,977
You know, that's not,
191
00:13:09,977 --> 00:13:11,577
that ain't it, you know.
192
00:13:11,577 --> 00:13:15,577
I'm like, "Take time,
get to know this person."
193
00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:18,339
You don't know this person from nothing
194
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,376
just because you read
a bio about this person
195
00:13:20,376 --> 00:13:22,350
and this person wants to
196
00:13:22,350 --> 00:13:24,288
turn around and have sex with you.
197
00:13:24,288 --> 00:13:26,232
That's not love, you know.
198
00:13:37,914 --> 00:13:40,207
- I noticed early on
199
00:13:40,207 --> 00:13:44,757
that Lisa was very interested in romance,
200
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:49,455
and I saw her go through
some very painful rejections.
201
00:13:49,455 --> 00:13:51,012
- She met a guy.
202
00:13:51,012 --> 00:13:53,593
This was just before Christmas.
203
00:13:53,593 --> 00:13:56,910
She took off with him on a bus.
204
00:13:56,910 --> 00:13:58,211
She was gone for a week.
205
00:13:58,211 --> 00:14:00,462
We have no idea where she was.
206
00:14:00,462 --> 00:14:02,158
She was off her medication,
207
00:14:02,158 --> 00:14:04,758
and I was wrapping gifts.
208
00:14:04,758 --> 00:14:09,176
All of a sudden, I looked up
and there was Lisa outside
209
00:14:09,176 --> 00:14:12,770
just really in a bad state.
210
00:14:12,770 --> 00:14:16,205
She thought our dogs were devils.
211
00:14:16,205 --> 00:14:19,362
She broke a clock because she
thought it was a time bomb.
212
00:14:19,362 --> 00:14:21,474
I had to have the police come out,
213
00:14:21,474 --> 00:14:23,564
but before they would admit her,
214
00:14:23,564 --> 00:14:25,514
she had to have a court order to get in
215
00:14:25,514 --> 00:14:27,306
because she'd been in and out
216
00:14:27,306 --> 00:14:29,599
of the crisis so many times.
217
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:33,716
- Being a schizophrenic is like
218
00:14:33,716 --> 00:14:38,213
watching TV and having 44
channels on at the same time,
219
00:14:38,213 --> 00:14:41,720
and that's her environment 24/7.
220
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,158
You know, there's just
like little noises here,
221
00:14:44,158 --> 00:14:47,306
something there, and
I'm trying to talk here,
222
00:14:47,306 --> 00:14:49,502
but that's distracting
me, that's distracting me,
223
00:14:49,502 --> 00:14:50,941
and it's all equal.
224
00:14:52,219 --> 00:14:53,755
That would freak anybody out.
225
00:15:06,712 --> 00:15:08,941
- She graduated from house to house
226
00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:12,493
to a home where there was constant care
227
00:15:12,493 --> 00:15:15,788
and finally to independent living
228
00:15:15,788 --> 00:15:17,548
for about 15 years.
229
00:15:17,548 --> 00:15:18,647
- That place was great.
- And she had
230
00:15:18,647 --> 00:15:20,320
her own room and she had
231
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,924
a very nice situation
there, she liked it there.
232
00:15:22,924 --> 00:15:25,231
- But one of her roommates there, right,
233
00:15:25,231 --> 00:15:26,316
jumped off the bridge too?
234
00:15:26,316 --> 00:15:28,150
- Well, no, this was a friend that--
235
00:15:28,150 --> 00:15:29,169
- A friend.
236
00:15:29,169 --> 00:15:30,417
- A friend of hers.
237
00:15:30,417 --> 00:15:31,867
- Two years ago?
238
00:15:31,867 --> 00:15:32,747
- Oh, no, it's longer
239
00:15:32,747 --> 00:15:33,502
than that.
- Longer than that.
240
00:15:33,502 --> 00:15:34,776
- Much longer.
241
00:15:35,966 --> 00:15:39,481
- As far as pills and
other forms of suicide,
242
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:43,544
I haven't personally
experienced that in my houses.
243
00:15:43,544 --> 00:15:46,753
It's like the last three people, I think,
244
00:15:46,753 --> 00:15:49,089
who I was kind of close to in Buckaloo
245
00:15:49,089 --> 00:15:51,318
were all bridge jumpers.
246
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,211
- After she settled in in Marin--
247
00:16:04,211 --> 00:16:05,139
- She did well there.
- She was pretty
248
00:16:05,139 --> 00:16:07,664
stable, then all of a
sudden this past year,
249
00:16:07,664 --> 00:16:11,152
she just felt she needed
more support for some reason.
250
00:16:11,152 --> 00:16:13,644
Do you think that was
the medication change?
251
00:16:13,644 --> 00:16:15,600
- No, I think it was because she was ill.
252
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,559
- Okay, she wasn't feeling good.
253
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,805
- Her teeth were just so rotted
254
00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:22,948
and they felt it was from medication
255
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:25,199
and from drinking a lot of Coke.
256
00:16:25,199 --> 00:16:27,748
So she had to have all her teeth removed.
257
00:16:27,748 --> 00:16:28,655
So that was--
- She looked kinda
258
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,628
funny walking around with no teeth.
259
00:16:30,628 --> 00:16:33,769
- That was a problem, too.
260
00:16:33,769 --> 00:16:36,858
It was just from then on downhill.
261
00:16:43,682 --> 00:16:45,634
- Okay, everyone, let's stay together.
262
00:16:45,634 --> 00:16:48,588
The Golden Gate Bridge was
designed by Joseph Strauss.
263
00:16:48,588 --> 00:16:51,393
It opened in 1937.
264
00:16:51,393 --> 00:16:53,836
Each year, about nine million tourists
265
00:16:53,836 --> 00:16:55,596
come to visit and they enjoy--
266
00:16:55,596 --> 00:16:58,338
- Well, we went for Easter vacation
267
00:16:58,338 --> 00:17:01,256
to take out the kids to San Francisco,
268
00:17:01,256 --> 00:17:04,646
and before going to the Alcatraz,
269
00:17:04,646 --> 00:17:06,821
before going to the Golden Bridge,
270
00:17:06,821 --> 00:17:10,693
we went to Alcatraz and we went to
271
00:17:10,693 --> 00:17:14,608
the Pier 39 and from there we took a walk
272
00:17:14,608 --> 00:17:16,367
to the Golden Gate.
273
00:17:21,581 --> 00:17:22,967
- We had a big dinner on--
274
00:17:22,967 --> 00:17:23,852
- The week before Easter.
275
00:17:23,852 --> 00:17:26,220
- The week before, yep, Palm Sunday.
276
00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:27,799
So I said, "Lisa, I'm not gonna fix
277
00:17:27,799 --> 00:17:29,751
"a big dinner on Easter Sunday."
278
00:17:29,751 --> 00:17:32,340
The kids weren't going to be around.
279
00:17:32,340 --> 00:17:33,420
So a few--
280
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:35,362
- Except that was a
tradition in our family
281
00:17:35,362 --> 00:17:37,046
to get together.
282
00:17:37,046 --> 00:17:38,465
- Well, she didn't seem to mind.
283
00:17:38,465 --> 00:17:40,897
She never objected.
284
00:17:40,897 --> 00:17:44,190
So I called her about 1 o'clock on,
285
00:17:44,190 --> 00:17:45,609
she didn't feel good that week,
286
00:17:45,609 --> 00:17:47,539
she still didn't go to work,
287
00:17:47,539 --> 00:17:49,833
and so I said, "Well, I
guess I could come down,
288
00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:52,800
"but I don't know what I can do."
289
00:17:57,606 --> 00:18:01,584
- Lisa was so quiet and,
oftentimes, had this,
290
00:18:01,584 --> 00:18:03,726
I don't know how you'd say it, poker face?
291
00:18:03,726 --> 00:18:06,948
Where she kept her feelings to herself.
292
00:18:06,948 --> 00:18:09,318
She wasn't one to, you know,
293
00:18:09,318 --> 00:18:11,865
get all emotional and which surprised me
294
00:18:11,865 --> 00:18:15,139
'cause I look back now at Mira Woods.
295
00:18:15,139 --> 00:18:16,843
We were walking down the little trail
296
00:18:16,843 --> 00:18:20,043
and there was this huge redwood tree
297
00:18:20,043 --> 00:18:22,347
lying in the middle of the path
298
00:18:22,347 --> 00:18:23,509
and she looked at it and she goes,
299
00:18:23,509 --> 00:18:25,280
"Wow, look at that!"
300
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,061
And sounds like no big deal
301
00:18:27,061 --> 00:18:29,707
but for Lisa that was like,
302
00:18:29,707 --> 00:18:31,285
that was different.
303
00:18:31,285 --> 00:18:33,372
- And then she came home,
304
00:18:33,372 --> 00:18:34,452
and I guess she was hungry
305
00:18:34,452 --> 00:18:36,266
and she asked a girl there,
306
00:18:36,266 --> 00:18:37,684
"Did you fix dinner?"
307
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:39,050
And they said, "No."
308
00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:40,841
And so then they said she was very quiet
309
00:18:40,841 --> 00:18:43,346
and she got in the freezer
and took something out
310
00:18:43,346 --> 00:18:47,593
and fixed it herself and
after she had then eaten,
311
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:50,825
they said she was very
quiet when she was eating,
312
00:18:50,825 --> 00:18:53,705
she got up and took her
purse and her jacket
313
00:18:53,705 --> 00:18:55,955
and off she went
314
00:18:55,955 --> 00:18:58,067
and that's the last they saw her.
315
00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:08,560
- We were taking pictures of each other,
316
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:11,131
and I was taking pictures to them,
317
00:19:11,131 --> 00:19:14,013
and Paulo was taking pictures to us,
318
00:19:14,013 --> 00:19:16,827
and they were playing and--
319
00:19:16,827 --> 00:19:18,192
- And I got scared.
- He was holding
320
00:19:18,192 --> 00:19:22,774
the baby and we were walking and--
321
00:19:22,774 --> 00:19:24,919
- And we saw that lady.
322
00:19:24,919 --> 00:19:26,812
- The lady, yes, put the--
323
00:19:26,812 --> 00:19:28,140
- The bag on the ground
324
00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:30,004
and she jumped off.
325
00:19:30,004 --> 00:19:32,457
- But I said,
"She jumped, she jumped!"
326
00:19:32,457 --> 00:19:33,332
And I was like--
327
00:19:33,332 --> 00:19:36,280
- And she told my brother
328
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,342
to go call the cops.
329
00:19:38,342 --> 00:19:41,563
- Well, Paulo went running
down to get some help
330
00:19:41,563 --> 00:19:43,696
because I wanted somebody to help her
331
00:19:43,696 --> 00:19:46,043
because for us it was the first time
332
00:19:46,043 --> 00:19:49,493
to see somebody jump off the bridge.
333
00:19:51,109 --> 00:19:53,240
And before she jump,
334
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,235
she look at me and Vidarlan.
335
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:56,557
She was laughing.
336
00:19:56,557 --> 00:19:58,669
She laugh like a smile like
337
00:19:58,669 --> 00:20:02,375
you don't know what I do,
but she smile and jump.
338
00:20:04,265 --> 00:20:07,633
- Like she was acting like,
339
00:20:07,633 --> 00:20:09,318
like a gorilla or something.
340
00:20:09,318 --> 00:20:11,900
- Ay, Sebastian.
341
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:13,659
No, that's not it.
342
00:20:13,659 --> 00:20:16,794
He likes to make things up.
343
00:20:25,562 --> 00:20:29,571
- I'm not 100% convinced
that she did commit suicide.
344
00:20:29,571 --> 00:20:32,196
I don't know if someone
had accompanied her
345
00:20:32,196 --> 00:20:33,711
to the Golden Gate Bridge
346
00:20:33,711 --> 00:20:36,100
and had encouraged her to jump.
347
00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:39,865
I don't know if someone
had been pressuring her
348
00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:42,190
to go to the Golden Gate Bridge and jump
349
00:20:42,190 --> 00:20:46,447
and, certainly, it is a highly risky
350
00:20:46,447 --> 00:20:50,075
rather glorious way
351
00:20:50,075 --> 00:20:53,114
to draw attention to oneself.
352
00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:59,366
- My brother's very religious.
353
00:20:59,366 --> 00:21:01,674
He doesn't believe she committed suicide.
354
00:21:01,674 --> 00:21:03,370
He thinks it's something else.
355
00:21:03,370 --> 00:21:04,757
I don't know what he thinks.
356
00:21:04,757 --> 00:21:05,834
- I didn't know that.
357
00:21:05,834 --> 00:21:08,554
- Well, he won't call it that because
358
00:21:08,554 --> 00:21:11,177
it's a sin to commit suicide in his mind
359
00:21:11,177 --> 00:21:13,817
and that's not what she did.
360
00:21:13,817 --> 00:21:15,903
She fell or something,
I don't know what he,
361
00:21:15,903 --> 00:21:20,268
he's coming up with
different justifications so
362
00:21:20,268 --> 00:21:21,204
he can look at it--
- He doesn't talk
363
00:21:21,204 --> 00:21:23,328
to me like that, so.
364
00:21:24,788 --> 00:21:27,922
- Thing is, if you go stand
on that bridge and look down,
365
00:21:27,922 --> 00:21:29,923
the amount of guts that you have to have
366
00:21:29,923 --> 00:21:33,409
to stick anything over that rail,
367
00:21:33,409 --> 00:21:36,728
it must have been incredible,
the pressure on her,
368
00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:39,665
it had to be worse than
the thought of doing that,
369
00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:42,136
and I've always thought of myself
370
00:21:42,136 --> 00:21:43,714
as a stronger person than her
371
00:21:43,714 --> 00:21:46,477
and there's no way I would
have the guts to do that
372
00:21:46,477 --> 00:21:49,389
even with, you know, a
parachute or something,
373
00:21:49,389 --> 00:21:52,676
and for her to just do it just like that,
374
00:21:52,676 --> 00:21:55,671
it was like, I still can't believe it.
375
00:21:55,671 --> 00:21:58,464
My family, my husband, my kids,
376
00:21:58,464 --> 00:22:01,951
we're like, how did she
even think about doing that?
377
00:22:01,951 --> 00:22:06,196
- I think it was a
relief, a relief for her,
378
00:22:06,196 --> 00:22:09,331
because she knew she
probably never would be
379
00:22:09,331 --> 00:22:11,699
physically well again and she knew
380
00:22:11,699 --> 00:22:13,832
she had the mental illness
381
00:22:13,832 --> 00:22:17,320
and she was just at the end of her rope.
382
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:20,200
There were too many things, so.
383
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:21,213
- Yeah, I agree with that but it's--
384
00:22:21,213 --> 00:22:24,159
- She's in a better place,
that's all I can say.
385
00:22:24,159 --> 00:22:26,825
- You have to look at it that way.
386
00:22:26,825 --> 00:22:28,070
You know.
387
00:22:44,155 --> 00:22:47,173
# In this darkest hour
388
00:22:47,173 --> 00:22:51,208
# A brave face will break soon
389
00:22:56,037 --> 00:22:59,614
# The world waits for you
390
00:23:02,127 --> 00:23:03,172
# The world waits #
391
00:23:03,172 --> 00:23:04,676
- Yeah, I try and relive, you know,
392
00:23:04,676 --> 00:23:06,517
when doing some things, say this is
393
00:23:06,517 --> 00:23:10,881
something Philip likes or
my son would like this or,
394
00:23:10,881 --> 00:23:14,268
he still lives with me, you know.
395
00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:16,966
I go somewhere, a ballgame or something,
396
00:23:16,966 --> 00:23:18,323
he's there.
397
00:23:20,555 --> 00:23:22,771
And then
398
00:23:22,771 --> 00:23:25,961
I think I'm getting
more of an understanding
399
00:23:25,961 --> 00:23:29,396
what he went through toward the end
400
00:23:29,396 --> 00:23:31,618
'cause you feel the same way, it's just,
401
00:23:31,618 --> 00:23:34,400
you know, what makes any
of us go over that line?
402
00:23:37,130 --> 00:23:38,239
It's just
403
00:23:39,844 --> 00:23:42,127
some days you think like that yourself.
404
00:23:42,127 --> 00:23:44,969
It's just he thought about it every day.
405
00:23:50,532 --> 00:23:54,660
- What makes a person
be able to do that?
406
00:23:54,660 --> 00:23:57,846
I don't know, I don't
have the answer to that.
407
00:23:57,846 --> 00:24:00,246
- Well, it's like any pain.
408
00:24:00,246 --> 00:24:02,635
When it becomes unbearable,
409
00:24:02,635 --> 00:24:05,376
you'll do anything and
it's like physical cancer,
410
00:24:05,376 --> 00:24:09,703
I mean, if you have cancer of the mind,
411
00:24:09,703 --> 00:24:12,794
you know, nobody knows
what you're going through.
412
00:24:18,112 --> 00:24:22,079
- I mean, it was like
our hands being tied.
413
00:24:22,079 --> 00:24:24,840
I mean, no matter how much we talk to him,
414
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,634
I mean, he was in and out of the hospital,
415
00:24:26,634 --> 00:24:29,273
the doctors talked to him and
416
00:24:30,900 --> 00:24:34,706
it was like nothing would change his mind.
417
00:24:37,051 --> 00:24:39,601
In fact, I think the
medicines made him worse.
418
00:24:40,911 --> 00:24:44,394
- We thought if we can get
him through his episodes,
419
00:24:44,394 --> 00:24:45,583
but that's the crazy thing is
420
00:24:45,583 --> 00:24:49,004
as soon as you get somebody strong enough,
421
00:24:49,004 --> 00:24:50,990
that's when they have the courage.
422
00:24:53,759 --> 00:24:56,918
So do you make 'em well
or do you keep 'em sick?
423
00:25:02,033 --> 00:25:03,142
He tried it a few times
424
00:25:03,142 --> 00:25:05,947
but the second attempt he said,
425
00:25:05,947 --> 00:25:07,854
"My third attempt, it's not gonna fail."
426
00:25:07,854 --> 00:25:09,752
He said, "I'll make sure of it."
427
00:25:11,753 --> 00:25:14,793
He researched it and found
the Golden Gate Bridge
428
00:25:14,793 --> 00:25:16,490
on the internet.
429
00:25:16,490 --> 00:25:18,849
He said to him it was the best way.
430
00:25:20,370 --> 00:25:22,322
I mean, it was planned out for months
431
00:25:22,322 --> 00:25:23,943
and the final two weeks
432
00:25:23,943 --> 00:25:27,542
he was making his last preparations, so.
433
00:25:29,169 --> 00:25:30,791
He said whether some people believe
434
00:25:30,791 --> 00:25:33,444
suicide's a sin or not.
435
00:25:33,444 --> 00:25:35,056
He asked that a lot.
436
00:25:36,716 --> 00:25:38,973
I said, "It's something man made up."
437
00:25:40,823 --> 00:25:44,709
And at least he thanked me
for telling him the truth.
438
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:48,452
You know, I don't know.
439
00:25:48,452 --> 00:25:51,631
It's just I don't think God's
gonna hold you responsible
440
00:25:51,631 --> 00:25:54,628
for something you can't handle,
441
00:25:54,628 --> 00:25:56,932
and he said, "Well, whether
I come back or not,"
442
00:25:56,932 --> 00:25:59,948
he says, "If I do, I'll see ya again, Dad.
443
00:25:59,948 --> 00:26:02,891
"If not, just know that I'm at peace."
444
00:26:14,932 --> 00:26:16,053
What I'm trying to say is that
445
00:26:16,053 --> 00:26:17,333
I didn't want him to feel like
446
00:26:17,333 --> 00:26:19,840
he was in a cage inside of himself.
447
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,677
Some people say the body's a temple.
448
00:26:22,677 --> 00:26:26,805
Well, he thought his body
was prison in his mind.
449
00:26:26,805 --> 00:26:28,127
He knew he was loved.
450
00:26:28,127 --> 00:26:29,364
He knew he had everything,
451
00:26:29,364 --> 00:26:32,095
could do anything, and yet
452
00:26:32,095 --> 00:26:33,552
he felt trapped.
453
00:26:35,101 --> 00:26:37,388
That was the only way he could get free.
454
00:26:54,747 --> 00:26:57,510
- Gene was very
overly dramatic.
455
00:26:57,510 --> 00:27:00,923
- Even the simplest things
were very long and drawn out
456
00:27:00,923 --> 00:27:03,695
and very hard and he would
always say things like,
457
00:27:03,695 --> 00:27:05,339
"Kill me now."
458
00:27:05,339 --> 00:27:08,153
You'd be talking about
something and ask him,,
459
00:27:08,153 --> 00:27:09,101
"What do you want for breakfast?"
460
00:27:09,101 --> 00:27:10,949
"Oh, I don't care, just kill me."
461
00:27:12,373 --> 00:27:13,309
"Okay, well, you know,
462
00:27:13,309 --> 00:27:14,909
"where do you wanna go
to look for a job today?"
463
00:27:14,909 --> 00:27:17,181
"I don't care, it's not
gonna matter, just kill me."
464
00:27:17,181 --> 00:27:19,325
- Yeah, "Might be easier
for you to just kill me."
465
00:27:19,325 --> 00:27:21,586
- You didn't take him serious
if he said certain things
466
00:27:21,586 --> 00:27:23,837
because he would almost
say it in a joking manner.
467
00:27:23,837 --> 00:27:27,951
He wouldn't say it with,
like, this intensity of,
468
00:27:27,951 --> 00:27:29,732
you know, like, "I'm
gonna do it this time,"
469
00:27:29,732 --> 00:27:32,409
and he wasn't that person.
470
00:27:32,409 --> 00:27:33,807
He would make light of it and he was like,
471
00:27:33,807 --> 00:27:35,481
"Man, I'm gonna just commit suicide.
472
00:27:35,481 --> 00:27:37,497
"I'm gonna just shoot myself.
473
00:27:37,497 --> 00:27:39,754
"I'm gonna do it with a bow and arrow."
474
00:27:39,754 --> 00:27:41,443
And when he would say this stuff,
475
00:27:41,443 --> 00:27:42,371
we were just like, "Yeah, whatever,"
476
00:27:42,371 --> 00:27:44,345
and years and years and years would go by
477
00:27:44,345 --> 00:27:46,960
as he's crying wolf.
478
00:27:50,816 --> 00:27:54,641
- But he was still fun
to be around.
479
00:27:54,641 --> 00:27:55,957
When I hear myself saying it,
480
00:27:55,957 --> 00:27:57,376
it sounds like he wasn't fun.
481
00:27:57,376 --> 00:27:58,528
I mean, he was fun to be around.
482
00:27:58,528 --> 00:27:59,317
He was fun to go out with
483
00:27:59,317 --> 00:28:01,996
and go to the clubs with and stuff.
484
00:28:01,996 --> 00:28:04,202
He would just get in those little funks
485
00:28:04,202 --> 00:28:05,636
and pretty soon it was
486
00:28:07,327 --> 00:28:10,516
just like I didn't even
pay it any attention.
487
00:28:10,516 --> 00:28:12,553
It was just something he said.
488
00:28:12,553 --> 00:28:15,478
All the time in every conversation.
489
00:28:18,033 --> 00:28:18,961
- If everyone onboard
490
00:28:18,961 --> 00:28:21,382
could take their seats as
we go under the bridge.
491
00:28:21,382 --> 00:28:25,458
The swells and tides
are very unpredictable.
492
00:28:25,458 --> 00:28:29,048
The Golden Gate Bridge is 1.2 miles long
493
00:28:29,048 --> 00:28:32,717
and the towers are 746 feet tall.
494
00:28:32,717 --> 00:28:35,416
The roadway is suspended 220 feet
495
00:28:35,416 --> 00:28:37,762
above the water at center span.
496
00:28:39,592 --> 00:28:41,730
The Golden Gate Bridge
is the most photographed
497
00:28:41,730 --> 00:28:44,458
manmade structure in North America
498
00:28:44,458 --> 00:28:45,648
and it is also considered
499
00:28:45,648 --> 00:28:48,565
one of the Seven Wonders
of the Modern World.
500
00:28:51,035 --> 00:28:53,229
- We had gone to Montana,
Glacier National Park,
501
00:28:53,229 --> 00:28:56,725
the year before and
Philip had a blast there.
502
00:28:56,725 --> 00:28:58,642
We told him if he got
outta the army in time,
503
00:28:58,642 --> 00:29:00,946
which he did, that we
were going back there
504
00:29:00,946 --> 00:29:04,475
and they had those forest fires and so
505
00:29:04,475 --> 00:29:07,781
we couldn't get in so I had
been to San Francisco before
506
00:29:07,781 --> 00:29:09,389
and I said, "You'll love it there,"
507
00:29:09,389 --> 00:29:11,610
and the bridge fascinated him.
508
00:29:11,610 --> 00:29:13,210
- For some reason, yeah,
509
00:29:13,210 --> 00:29:14,436
when we were driving across the bridge,
510
00:29:14,436 --> 00:29:17,405
he just kept looking around and
511
00:29:17,405 --> 00:29:19,340
I just thought it was kind of odd,
512
00:29:19,340 --> 00:29:20,620
you know, that he would just be,
513
00:29:20,620 --> 00:29:22,452
and he wanted to get out.
514
00:29:22,452 --> 00:29:24,097
He says, "Can we walk along the bridge?"
515
00:29:24,097 --> 00:29:26,891
And I says, "I guess
there are people who could
516
00:29:26,891 --> 00:29:27,909
"walk along the bridge."
517
00:29:27,909 --> 00:29:29,540
- Yeah, we were on a tour bus.
518
00:29:29,540 --> 00:29:32,047
- Yeah, I said, "But, you know,
we can't get out now"
519
00:29:32,047 --> 00:29:36,783
and he just kept looking out the window
520
00:29:36,783 --> 00:29:40,008
like he wanted to get out
and just look around and
521
00:29:43,428 --> 00:29:46,489
you know, he thought it
was just so beautiful and
522
00:29:46,489 --> 00:29:47,865
when we did get out of the bus
523
00:29:47,865 --> 00:29:50,685
and he wanted his
picture taken a few times
524
00:29:50,685 --> 00:29:53,709
with the bridge in the background and...
525
00:29:54,619 --> 00:29:55,244
- He'd ask questions.
526
00:29:55,244 --> 00:29:56,588
"How deep do you think it is?
527
00:29:56,588 --> 00:29:58,998
"How high do you think it is?"
528
00:30:02,374 --> 00:30:04,188
- I mean, I like the bridge too,
529
00:30:04,188 --> 00:30:06,961
but he just seemed so fascinated by it
530
00:30:06,961 --> 00:30:10,793
and I just thought that was kinda odd
531
00:30:10,793 --> 00:30:13,652
to have such a fascination with it.
532
00:30:13,652 --> 00:30:15,244
I don't know, it was like
533
00:30:15,244 --> 00:30:17,418
almost calling him, you know, type thing.
534
00:30:17,418 --> 00:30:20,906
It was like magnetic to him.
535
00:30:20,906 --> 00:30:21,974
- Yeah.
536
00:30:23,911 --> 00:30:25,249
- I don't know.
537
00:30:28,966 --> 00:30:31,345
- We thought he might go
and live out there.
538
00:30:31,345 --> 00:30:35,119
Even if he's homeless, at
least it's a city he loves.
539
00:30:35,119 --> 00:30:36,535
'Cause he was homeless in Texas,
540
00:30:36,535 --> 00:30:38,401
lived out of his car.
541
00:30:38,401 --> 00:30:41,900
Met two girls online, went down twice.
542
00:30:41,900 --> 00:30:43,313
Those didn't work.
543
00:30:44,852 --> 00:30:47,991
- He always fell in love
with the wrong person.
544
00:30:47,991 --> 00:30:50,537
I think everything just disillusioned him.
545
00:30:50,537 --> 00:30:54,430
He had this idealistic view of things
546
00:30:54,430 --> 00:30:59,398
and this perception of
how everything should be
547
00:30:59,398 --> 00:31:03,869
and then when it didn't
meet up to his expectations,
548
00:31:03,869 --> 00:31:06,756
after awhile, it was like,
what's the point then?
549
00:31:10,010 --> 00:31:12,329
- But he still had to make a choice.
550
00:31:20,704 --> 00:31:24,885
- Gene's choice, his preference
had been made years before.
551
00:31:24,885 --> 00:31:27,327
He became increasingly alienated
552
00:31:27,327 --> 00:31:29,919
and he had told his mother that
553
00:31:29,919 --> 00:31:31,892
he wanted to kill himself
554
00:31:31,892 --> 00:31:34,546
and she, in essence, had told him,
555
00:31:34,546 --> 00:31:38,209
"I didn't invest a
lifetime in you to have you
556
00:31:38,209 --> 00:31:41,874
"die on me, kill yourself, and walk away.
557
00:31:41,874 --> 00:31:45,492
"You don't have a right to
do that while I'm alive."
558
00:31:48,708 --> 00:31:50,937
And I think it was very hard for him
559
00:31:50,937 --> 00:31:55,673
to watch his mother's non-participation
560
00:31:55,673 --> 00:31:59,018
in a battle with cancer
that she might have won.
561
00:32:00,188 --> 00:32:02,587
It was a choice on her part.
562
00:32:04,128 --> 00:32:05,984
- When I talked to him,
563
00:32:05,984 --> 00:32:09,062
he was acting as if life goes on,
564
00:32:09,062 --> 00:32:11,941
you know, type situation
565
00:32:11,941 --> 00:32:15,112
and I would always tell
him I'm here for you,
566
00:32:15,112 --> 00:32:17,181
you still got family no matter what.
567
00:32:19,021 --> 00:32:21,221
I'm a brother from another mother.
568
00:32:21,221 --> 00:32:24,451
- He said to me after she was gone
569
00:32:24,451 --> 00:32:27,978
and there was a lot of stuff to clean up,
570
00:32:27,978 --> 00:32:31,686
and he said, "Well, now I can finally,
571
00:32:31,686 --> 00:32:34,363
"now I can finally end it all."
572
00:32:34,363 --> 00:32:36,827
And I looked at him and I said,
573
00:32:36,827 --> 00:32:39,845
"Well, you will promise me
574
00:32:39,845 --> 00:32:43,321
"that you will not go
without saying goodbye."
575
00:32:52,301 --> 00:32:54,307
- I remember coming home,
576
00:32:54,307 --> 00:32:56,418
because Thursday night's garbage day
577
00:32:56,418 --> 00:32:57,880
and Friday's recycling day,
578
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,482
and Philip even did that before he left.
579
00:33:00,482 --> 00:33:03,149
He took the recycling
things out to the curb
580
00:33:03,149 --> 00:33:06,063
and I came home that Friday
581
00:33:06,063 --> 00:33:08,415
and they were empty and I said,
582
00:33:08,415 --> 00:33:10,132
"Oh, that's unusual for him not to bring
583
00:33:10,132 --> 00:33:11,702
"the buckets back in."
584
00:33:13,105 --> 00:33:14,353
And when I came in the house
585
00:33:14,353 --> 00:33:16,465
and as soon as she said, "Where's Philip?
586
00:33:16,465 --> 00:33:17,564
"Isn't he with you?"
587
00:33:17,564 --> 00:33:20,779
and I was like, he did it, I knew.
588
00:33:24,089 --> 00:33:28,135
And here's the hard part for me.
589
00:33:28,135 --> 00:33:30,662
I had a feeling it was
going to be in San Francisco
590
00:33:30,662 --> 00:33:33,859
but I said, if he's in San Francisco
591
00:33:33,859 --> 00:33:36,257
and I call the police to stop him,
592
00:33:36,257 --> 00:33:39,140
if I have time yet,
593
00:33:39,140 --> 00:33:41,327
that he's gonna just hang himself
594
00:33:41,327 --> 00:33:44,631
or have the policemen shoot him,
595
00:33:44,631 --> 00:33:47,201
and I said if he's that determined,
596
00:33:47,201 --> 00:33:49,761
I have to let him go,
597
00:33:49,761 --> 00:33:52,033
but when she asked me, I said, "No,
598
00:33:52,033 --> 00:33:55,177
"he's not coming home" and
599
00:33:55,177 --> 00:33:59,185
from the death certificate,
he was already done.
600
00:33:59,185 --> 00:34:00,593
It's just waiting for the policemen
601
00:34:00,593 --> 00:34:02,129
to show up at the door.
602
00:34:19,248 --> 00:34:20,880
- We just came around the corner
603
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:25,338
after snapping a shot of San
Francisco in the backdrop
604
00:34:25,338 --> 00:34:26,426
and he was right there.
605
00:34:26,426 --> 00:34:28,333
- Yeah, sorta surprised him.
606
00:34:28,333 --> 00:34:29,976
- Yeah, we startled him.
607
00:34:29,976 --> 00:34:31,402
- Came up upon him.
608
00:34:31,402 --> 00:34:33,691
- He was taking off his backpack.
609
00:34:33,691 --> 00:34:35,995
In hindsight, he was probably
getting ready to jump,
610
00:34:35,995 --> 00:34:38,795
then put back his
backpack on really quickly
611
00:34:38,795 --> 00:34:41,750
and acted nervous and we interrupted him.
612
00:34:41,750 --> 00:34:44,916
We interrupted him from jumping
613
00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:47,859
and you spoke with him
614
00:34:47,859 --> 00:34:50,125
'cause you noticed something odd.
615
00:34:50,125 --> 00:34:51,839
- Yeah, just his whole body language,
616
00:34:51,839 --> 00:34:54,334
his whole energy was just a bit off.
617
00:34:54,334 --> 00:34:55,834
He was definitely nervous
618
00:34:55,834 --> 00:34:57,786
and he had a, was shuffling his shoulder
619
00:34:57,786 --> 00:35:00,707
and I initially picked up on that
620
00:35:00,707 --> 00:35:02,734
and said, "Are you okay?
621
00:35:02,734 --> 00:35:04,333
"What's going on?"
622
00:35:04,333 --> 00:35:06,093
And at that point,
623
00:35:06,093 --> 00:35:08,397
he made brief eye contact.
624
00:35:08,397 --> 00:35:09,325
- Well-dressed guy.
625
00:35:09,325 --> 00:35:10,157
- Yeah.
626
00:35:10,157 --> 00:35:12,205
- Brief eye contact,
too, he was very nervous.
627
00:35:12,205 --> 00:35:13,760
He wouldn't look you in
the eye for very long
628
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,501
and just kept darting away, looking away.
629
00:35:18,481 --> 00:35:20,896
And his biggest concern when he ask him,
630
00:35:20,896 --> 00:35:23,052
"Are you all right?"
631
00:35:23,052 --> 00:35:26,293
He said, "It's a long
way down to the water."
632
00:35:26,293 --> 00:35:27,679
- No, he said, "It's a long way down."
633
00:35:27,679 --> 00:35:28,980
- "Long way down," right.
634
00:35:28,980 --> 00:35:31,444
- And I didn't know how to quite take that
635
00:35:31,444 --> 00:35:34,736
when I heard him say that,
636
00:35:34,736 --> 00:35:36,715
and I didn't know if
I heard him correctly.
637
00:35:36,715 --> 00:35:37,673
I thought maybe he had meant
638
00:35:37,673 --> 00:35:39,315
it's a long way back to the
other side of the bridge
639
00:35:39,315 --> 00:35:41,427
and here I am thinking,
well, you're three quarters
640
00:35:41,427 --> 00:35:43,656
of the way, you're close,
641
00:35:43,656 --> 00:35:46,184
and, of course, that wasn't the case.
642
00:35:46,184 --> 00:35:47,795
- And we didn't see him jump.
643
00:35:47,795 --> 00:35:49,270
Did not see him jump.
644
00:36:04,453 --> 00:36:05,669
- For me, he said
he was just gonna
645
00:36:05,669 --> 00:36:08,316
go down so deep that even
if he changed his mind,
646
00:36:08,316 --> 00:36:09,404
he couldn't swim to the top,
647
00:36:09,404 --> 00:36:12,725
but the coroner said
it was over instantly.
648
00:36:19,914 --> 00:36:23,068
- Boy, imagine what this
looks like to people.
649
00:36:23,068 --> 00:36:24,571
They probably look at us and say,
650
00:36:24,571 --> 00:36:26,404
"What kind of mother
and father were they?"
651
00:36:26,404 --> 00:36:28,148
- Yeah.
652
00:36:28,148 --> 00:36:30,314
- I wasn't perfect.
653
00:36:30,314 --> 00:36:33,673
But, I mean, I don't think it
was such a terrible mother.
654
00:36:37,293 --> 00:36:40,740
And then I remember Sharon said to me,
655
00:36:40,740 --> 00:36:43,608
"You know, it's not all about you.
656
00:36:43,608 --> 00:36:45,666
"It has nothing to do with you."
657
00:36:49,565 --> 00:36:52,487
- Yeah, I mean, I was raised
in a family, dysfunctional--
658
00:36:52,487 --> 00:36:54,119
- I mean, yeah, so was I.
659
00:36:54,119 --> 00:36:56,882
- My father was alcoholic,
hers was alcoholic.
660
00:36:56,882 --> 00:36:58,967
They fought like cats and dogs, you know,
661
00:36:58,967 --> 00:37:02,629
and the abuse and I
should be an alcoholic.
662
00:37:02,629 --> 00:37:04,829
I should be a serial killer, you know.
663
00:37:06,648 --> 00:37:09,721
You think you are
raising your family to be
664
00:37:09,721 --> 00:37:12,340
religious or whatever and
you try and do the best
665
00:37:12,340 --> 00:37:16,575
but you wind up doing more
things that are harmful
666
00:37:16,575 --> 00:37:18,320
and then when you try and fix 'em,
667
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:19,836
it might be too late.
668
00:37:21,773 --> 00:37:25,478
And it's like, well, no matter
what you do good or bad,
669
00:37:25,478 --> 00:37:27,202
things are gonna happen.
670
00:37:29,070 --> 00:37:32,568
And he said, "If you and Mom, who I love,
671
00:37:32,568 --> 00:37:33,827
"are having problems,
672
00:37:33,827 --> 00:37:36,363
"what hope is there for me?"
673
00:37:36,363 --> 00:37:38,421
He says, "I think you love me the most
674
00:37:38,421 --> 00:37:40,910
"and tried your best," and he said,
675
00:37:40,910 --> 00:37:43,307
"If you're having problems,
676
00:37:43,307 --> 00:37:45,530
"there's no way I can make it."
677
00:37:55,283 --> 00:37:57,033
- Yeah.
678
00:37:57,033 --> 00:37:59,493
Took a lot of pictures
while he was on the bridge.
679
00:37:59,493 --> 00:38:00,776
- Yeah.
680
00:38:02,755 --> 00:38:05,667
- He wanted to show what he was seeing.
681
00:38:06,777 --> 00:38:08,332
What he was feeling.
682
00:40:23,357 --> 00:40:26,098
- I was taking pictures
of Alcatraz at the time,
683
00:40:26,098 --> 00:40:27,581
and while I was taking the picture,
684
00:40:27,581 --> 00:40:29,255
I saw like out of the corner of my eye
685
00:40:29,255 --> 00:40:33,364
a girl walking by and she
climbed over the rail,
686
00:40:33,364 --> 00:40:35,004
and she did it so smoothly.
687
00:40:35,004 --> 00:40:37,231
It was almost like she
was going to a little,
688
00:40:37,231 --> 00:40:39,489
like she had her own little clubhouse.
689
00:40:39,489 --> 00:40:40,769
I don't know, like she was going to
690
00:40:40,769 --> 00:40:43,296
sit on the ledge to like eat lunch.
691
00:40:46,406 --> 00:40:50,214
So I got a couple pictures
of her climbing over,
692
00:40:50,214 --> 00:40:51,611
and then I started taking pictures
693
00:40:51,611 --> 00:40:54,139
of her standing on a
ledge and I realized that
694
00:40:54,139 --> 00:40:56,953
this girl's about to jump,
695
00:40:56,953 --> 00:40:58,834
but when I was behind the camera,
696
00:40:58,834 --> 00:41:00,622
it was almost like it wasn't real
697
00:41:00,622 --> 00:41:02,765
'cause I was looking through the lens.
698
00:41:04,979 --> 00:41:08,413
I was actually like, I guess
I was waiting for her to jump
699
00:41:08,413 --> 00:41:10,088
'cause I thought there's nothing I can do.
700
00:41:10,088 --> 00:41:11,392
It was too late.
701
00:41:16,688 --> 00:41:18,501
Earlier, I was actually staring down
702
00:41:18,501 --> 00:41:20,880
at the ledge at a couple
different points on the bridge
703
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,642
and I was just trying to think to myself
704
00:41:23,642 --> 00:41:25,918
what goes through people's minds
705
00:41:25,918 --> 00:41:27,202
whenever they're standing on that ledge
706
00:41:27,202 --> 00:41:28,685
and they're about to jump off,
707
00:41:28,685 --> 00:41:31,330
like what's the last thing
that they're thinking of?
708
00:41:31,330 --> 00:41:33,101
Or, like, are they
thinking anything at all?
709
00:41:33,101 --> 00:41:35,671
They just had enough and they just go
710
00:41:35,671 --> 00:41:38,766
and that's it, they're gone.
711
00:41:46,209 --> 00:41:48,558
I started yelling out to the girl,
712
00:41:48,558 --> 00:41:50,898
asking her what was wrong.
713
00:41:50,898 --> 00:41:53,909
She seemed to be speaking
in a different language,
714
00:41:53,909 --> 00:41:55,791
and basically like tuning me out,
715
00:41:55,791 --> 00:41:59,106
like really not thinking
about what I was saying.
716
00:42:00,596 --> 00:42:04,443
So I got up on the rail and I reached out
717
00:42:04,443 --> 00:42:06,336
and I really didn't
know I was gonna be able
718
00:42:06,336 --> 00:42:07,914
to grab the back of her jacket,
719
00:42:07,914 --> 00:42:12,230
but once I grabbed it, I
just lifted her over the rail
720
00:42:12,230 --> 00:42:14,322
and got her down on the ground.
721
00:42:14,322 --> 00:42:16,806
She started to fight me a little bit,
722
00:42:16,806 --> 00:42:21,330
so I just sat on her
chest and just called 911
723
00:42:21,330 --> 00:42:24,253
and they were probably there
within a couple minutes.
724
00:42:30,211 --> 00:42:32,717
As crazy as it sounds,
I think of myself like
725
00:42:32,717 --> 00:42:36,246
a National Geographic
photographer must feel
726
00:42:36,246 --> 00:42:38,475
and he's behind the camera filming
727
00:42:38,475 --> 00:42:40,988
and there's like a big
tiger that's running at him
728
00:42:40,988 --> 00:42:43,208
and he's like, you know,
"This footage is so great."
729
00:42:43,208 --> 00:42:46,767
He forgets that in a couple seconds
730
00:42:46,767 --> 00:42:49,530
that tiger's gonna be on top of him,
731
00:42:49,530 --> 00:42:53,164
but it's like you're in that
camera, you're just behind
732
00:42:53,164 --> 00:42:55,439
and you don't really think
about what's going on
733
00:42:55,439 --> 00:42:57,580
and that's where I had to separate
734
00:42:57,580 --> 00:43:00,855
or I had to actually get
out of that mode of thinking
735
00:43:00,855 --> 00:43:04,870
and actually act on it and
do something to help her.
736
00:43:08,214 --> 00:43:09,974
After I left the bridge patrol,
737
00:43:09,974 --> 00:43:12,278
I was going back to my vehicle
738
00:43:12,278 --> 00:43:13,956
and I happened to look over
739
00:43:13,956 --> 00:43:16,252
and it kinda looked like she turned back
740
00:43:16,252 --> 00:43:18,830
and she looked right at me
741
00:43:18,830 --> 00:43:21,579
and it freaked me out for a second.
742
00:43:21,579 --> 00:43:25,004
I just didn't expect her to look back now.
743
00:43:25,004 --> 00:43:27,764
I don't know if she actually saw me and
744
00:43:27,764 --> 00:43:30,452
was thinking, like, this son of a bitch,
745
00:43:30,452 --> 00:43:34,904
you know, I wanted to jump
or whatever it was that
746
00:43:36,244 --> 00:43:38,141
that she was thinking.
747
00:43:41,208 --> 00:43:43,181
I'm sure that in some way
748
00:43:43,181 --> 00:43:44,920
that she did want to be rescued
749
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:48,565
because if she really
wanted to commit suicide
750
00:43:48,565 --> 00:43:52,255
and just take that
basically ultimate shortcut
751
00:43:52,255 --> 00:43:55,295
to the next level, then she would've just
752
00:43:55,295 --> 00:43:58,409
climbed over and just jumped right off.
753
00:43:58,409 --> 00:44:01,055
So I think that she was sort of
754
00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:03,250
crying out for help there a little bit.
755
00:44:04,604 --> 00:44:06,599
The police did tell me
that she was involved
756
00:44:06,599 --> 00:44:09,350
in another incident on the bridge and
757
00:44:09,350 --> 00:44:12,367
they talked her out of it,
758
00:44:12,367 --> 00:44:15,560
and I just hope that she's doing okay.
759
00:44:51,475 --> 00:44:54,539
- Gene had a lot riding
on this relationship
760
00:44:54,539 --> 00:44:56,333
and he wanted to get out of California
761
00:44:56,333 --> 00:44:58,424
and he felt that it was gonna be like
762
00:44:58,424 --> 00:45:02,289
a new beginning and I think he had
763
00:45:02,289 --> 00:45:05,651
it planned out in his head
how it was gonna happen
764
00:45:05,651 --> 00:45:06,735
and then when he got there,
765
00:45:06,735 --> 00:45:08,964
the reality wasn't quite the same
766
00:45:08,964 --> 00:45:10,500
as what was in his head.
767
00:45:10,500 --> 00:45:13,323
- Yeah, I think he was chasing
768
00:45:13,323 --> 00:45:15,769
a certain magical wonderland
769
00:45:15,769 --> 00:45:17,646
that would make all his problems go away
770
00:45:17,646 --> 00:45:21,475
and making excuses as to why
he couldn't find it here,
771
00:45:21,475 --> 00:45:23,822
expecting to find it somewhere else.
772
00:45:23,822 --> 00:45:25,966
He just wanted to make it happen so bad
773
00:45:25,966 --> 00:45:28,042
so that's why he went in St. Louis.
774
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,256
- Only love, really love,
775
00:45:34,256 --> 00:45:37,338
feeling like he was loved and in love
776
00:45:37,338 --> 00:45:39,004
was gonna save him.
777
00:45:42,498 --> 00:45:45,697
And who's to say that this
is not a genetic thing?
778
00:45:45,697 --> 00:45:47,628
Who's to say that that wasn't the reason
779
00:45:47,628 --> 00:45:49,548
his mother chose to have this child
780
00:45:49,548 --> 00:45:51,756
because she, too, was depressed
781
00:45:51,756 --> 00:45:56,054
and knew that she could keep herself here
782
00:45:56,054 --> 00:45:59,489
and functional if she had a commitment?
783
00:45:59,489 --> 00:46:04,234
And how do we know that it wasn't at some
784
00:46:05,974 --> 00:46:09,957
inner level that he
perceived this very young
785
00:46:09,957 --> 00:46:12,990
and that it colored his needs
786
00:46:12,990 --> 00:46:16,719
to have someone depend on him?
787
00:46:17,826 --> 00:46:19,099
I don't know.
788
00:46:57,648 --> 00:46:59,322
- The ideas of suicide,
789
00:46:59,322 --> 00:47:02,160
if I'm completely honest with myself,
790
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:04,389
have been there for a long, long time.
791
00:47:04,389 --> 00:47:07,181
Years, way before I was diagnosed,
792
00:47:07,181 --> 00:47:08,543
but it was just touching on it,
793
00:47:08,543 --> 00:47:11,306
like, you know, oh, I'll just kill myself.
794
00:47:11,306 --> 00:47:15,226
But the real thought process
of actually going to do it
795
00:47:15,226 --> 00:47:19,159
and commit the act started
796
00:47:19,159 --> 00:47:21,665
I'd say about '99
797
00:47:21,665 --> 00:47:24,524
and that's when I cut my wrist.
798
00:47:24,524 --> 00:47:26,932
- At the end of his junior
year in high school,
799
00:47:26,932 --> 00:47:29,183
he had huge mood swings,
800
00:47:29,183 --> 00:47:32,553
and during his senior year,
801
00:47:32,553 --> 00:47:36,521
they were just compelling.
802
00:47:36,521 --> 00:47:38,964
I mean, he was constantly
803
00:47:38,964 --> 00:47:41,554
either very high or very low.
804
00:47:41,554 --> 00:47:43,228
That was really the fight.
805
00:47:43,228 --> 00:47:45,274
That's when Kevin was at his worst.
806
00:47:45,274 --> 00:47:47,962
There were times where
he couldn't even speak
807
00:47:47,962 --> 00:47:51,447
and there were times where
he wouldn't stop speaking.
808
00:47:51,447 --> 00:47:52,769
- I was hallucinating
809
00:47:52,769 --> 00:47:56,507
and I had made the assumption that
810
00:47:58,327 --> 00:48:00,923
there were bugs in my bed and stuff
811
00:48:00,923 --> 00:48:03,195
and they were like stuff
that were giving me AIDS
812
00:48:03,195 --> 00:48:04,848
and stuff like that
813
00:48:04,848 --> 00:48:08,560
and I was just completely off the wall.
814
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,444
I hadn't been sexually active for years,
815
00:48:11,444 --> 00:48:15,568
yet I thought I had AIDS and it was like
816
00:48:15,568 --> 00:48:18,635
it was all in my head and
817
00:48:18,635 --> 00:48:21,755
I sprayed my bed sheets
with a disinfectant,
818
00:48:21,755 --> 00:48:24,207
like a deodorizer or something like that
819
00:48:24,207 --> 00:48:25,873
but I sprayed my bed sheets, you know,
820
00:48:25,873 --> 00:48:28,592
I sleep in that, I
inhaled in all night long,
821
00:48:28,592 --> 00:48:29,680
which caused the hallucinations
822
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:31,723
to become greater and greater
823
00:48:31,723 --> 00:48:36,293
and so I got up out of
bed, sat at my desk,
824
00:48:36,293 --> 00:48:41,139
and I must have written five
versions of my suicide letter
825
00:48:41,139 --> 00:48:43,346
until I realized these are mean,
826
00:48:43,346 --> 00:48:45,544
I can't write them like this,
so I wrote a real nice one
827
00:48:45,544 --> 00:48:47,013
or so my thought was nice, I mean,
828
00:48:47,013 --> 00:48:49,277
it's a suicide letter, you know,
829
00:48:49,277 --> 00:48:53,523
and I guess it said something like,
830
00:48:53,523 --> 00:48:55,831
"Mom, you're not always right.
831
00:48:55,831 --> 00:48:57,644
"Don't think you are, but I love you.
832
00:48:57,644 --> 00:48:59,479
"Dad, stop being so mean.
833
00:48:59,479 --> 00:49:00,993
"You're hurting people."
834
00:49:00,993 --> 00:49:03,846
- He had a terrible episode and
835
00:49:05,313 --> 00:49:10,182
there was no comment
with regard to suicide.
836
00:49:10,182 --> 00:49:13,622
It was a commentary with regard to
837
00:49:13,622 --> 00:49:17,734
hearing voices and difficulty
838
00:49:17,734 --> 00:49:21,974
remaining under control,
839
00:49:21,974 --> 00:49:24,654
and I called his psychiatrist
840
00:49:24,654 --> 00:49:29,338
the Sunday night prior and
had a conversation with him
841
00:49:29,338 --> 00:49:30,856
and the psychiatrist told me,
842
00:49:30,856 --> 00:49:31,837
"No, don't worry about it.
843
00:49:31,837 --> 00:49:34,989
"Everything's gonna be fine."
844
00:49:34,989 --> 00:49:36,573
And then Kevin and I stayed up
845
00:49:36,573 --> 00:49:39,453
and we chatted about
it and he seemed to be
846
00:49:39,453 --> 00:49:42,354
fine, almost completely calmed.
847
00:49:42,354 --> 00:49:44,743
- Our conversations go like
this when he's mad at me.
848
00:49:44,743 --> 00:49:47,855
He tells me to sit down in my chair
849
00:49:47,855 --> 00:49:49,877
and he basically yells at me.
850
00:49:54,337 --> 00:49:57,677
I told him that I don't wanna, I said,
851
00:49:59,407 --> 00:50:01,216
"I don't wanna hurt anybody anymore.
852
00:50:01,216 --> 00:50:02,517
"I have to go away."
853
00:50:02,517 --> 00:50:04,096
Or something like that, and he said,
854
00:50:04,096 --> 00:50:05,258
"You have an obligation
855
00:50:05,258 --> 00:50:06,815
"to stay here for your family.
856
00:50:06,815 --> 00:50:08,234
"You have an obligation to me
857
00:50:08,234 --> 00:50:11,025
"who raised you, given
you everything you want.
858
00:50:11,025 --> 00:50:11,733
"You have an obligation
859
00:50:11,733 --> 00:50:13,226
"to live for your brother, your sister,"
860
00:50:13,226 --> 00:50:14,938
but he was mad the whole time.
861
00:50:14,938 --> 00:50:15,818
So I said, "All right,
all right, all right,
862
00:50:15,818 --> 00:50:17,034
"I'm not gonna do anything, Dad.
863
00:50:17,034 --> 00:50:18,217
"Don't worry, don't worry."
864
00:50:18,217 --> 00:50:19,401
And he was like, "Do I have
to take you to the hospital?"
865
00:50:19,401 --> 00:50:20,843
You know, or something like that.
866
00:50:20,843 --> 00:50:22,079
I was like, "No, no, no, no,
867
00:50:22,079 --> 00:50:23,604
"it's all right, it's all right."
868
00:50:23,604 --> 00:50:24,436
I said, "Let me just sleep on it
869
00:50:24,436 --> 00:50:26,036
"and we'll talk about
it in the morning, okay?
870
00:50:26,036 --> 00:50:28,361
"I'm really tired, Dad, I'm really tired."
871
00:50:28,361 --> 00:50:30,686
So he woke me up the next morning
872
00:50:30,686 --> 00:50:34,430
about 7 o'clock 'cause I got
maybe like two hours of sleep,
873
00:50:34,430 --> 00:50:36,842
and he woke me up and he said,
874
00:50:36,842 --> 00:50:39,443
"Hey, you're coming to work with me."
875
00:50:39,443 --> 00:50:40,541
I was like, "No."
876
00:50:40,541 --> 00:50:42,419
He's like, "No, come on,
I'm worried about you.
877
00:50:42,419 --> 00:50:43,251
"I'm really worried about you."
878
00:50:43,251 --> 00:50:45,362
I was like, "Dad, I'm fine,"
879
00:50:45,362 --> 00:50:47,350
the entire time lying through my teeth
880
00:50:47,350 --> 00:50:49,362
because I knew I was gonna
go to the bridge and jump.
881
00:50:54,767 --> 00:50:56,953
- So, listen, why don't
I take the day off?
882
00:50:56,953 --> 00:51:00,105
And we'll go do something
and he said, "Nope.
883
00:51:00,105 --> 00:51:01,703
"I'd rather go to school."
884
00:51:03,564 --> 00:51:05,815
- I kiss him goodbye on the cheek
885
00:51:05,815 --> 00:51:07,298
and I was like, all right,
this is the last time
886
00:51:07,298 --> 00:51:09,876
I'm ever gonna kiss my
daddy goodbye, you know.
887
00:51:09,876 --> 00:51:11,871
I'll never see him again.
888
00:51:11,871 --> 00:51:14,335
And he'll never see me.
889
00:51:14,335 --> 00:51:16,148
And I went to my English class,
890
00:51:16,148 --> 00:51:17,652
dropped all my other classes.
891
00:51:17,652 --> 00:51:21,403
I took the K out to the 28 to
the 29th out to the bridge,
892
00:51:21,403 --> 00:51:24,774
and the whole time I was
just bawling my eyes out,
893
00:51:24,774 --> 00:51:27,088
just crying,
894
00:51:27,088 --> 00:51:28,848
talking to myself on the bus.
895
00:51:31,427 --> 00:51:33,422
I had stopped, before I got on the 28,
896
00:51:33,422 --> 00:51:34,883
I had stopped at Walgreens
897
00:51:34,883 --> 00:51:37,070
and I bought my last meal,
898
00:51:37,070 --> 00:51:39,803
Starburst and Skittles.
899
00:51:41,622 --> 00:51:42,704
And
900
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:46,096
went out to the bridge.
901
00:51:48,043 --> 00:51:49,853
Found a place that I thought, all right,
902
00:51:49,853 --> 00:51:51,989
it's not too close to the
pillar, I won't hit the pillar,
903
00:51:51,989 --> 00:51:53,152
I'll just hit the water.
904
00:51:53,152 --> 00:51:54,933
I'll either drown or die on impact
905
00:51:54,933 --> 00:51:57,064
or I'll have a heart attack.
906
00:51:57,064 --> 00:52:00,135
So I got there,
907
00:52:00,135 --> 00:52:03,326
stood there for like 40
minutes at that spot,
908
00:52:03,326 --> 00:52:05,540
just crying my eyes out.
909
00:52:05,540 --> 00:52:07,929
Joggers, bikers, runners,
tourists, whatever
910
00:52:07,929 --> 00:52:09,975
running by and walking by
911
00:52:09,975 --> 00:52:12,502
looking at me, didn't say anything.
912
00:52:12,502 --> 00:52:15,564
It's not their part, it's not
their problem, but anyway,
913
00:52:15,564 --> 00:52:18,699
and this woman, she came up to me.
914
00:52:18,699 --> 00:52:20,001
She said in a German accent,
915
00:52:20,001 --> 00:52:20,865
I think it was a German accent,
916
00:52:20,865 --> 00:52:23,597
she said, "Will you take my picture?"
917
00:52:25,267 --> 00:52:26,941
I was like, your picture?
918
00:52:26,941 --> 00:52:28,147
I mean, I'm gonna kill myself,
919
00:52:28,147 --> 00:52:30,514
what is wrong with you?
920
00:52:30,514 --> 00:52:32,125
Can't you see the tears
pouring out of my face?
921
00:52:32,125 --> 00:52:33,725
But she couldn't.
922
00:52:33,725 --> 00:52:35,719
She was on her own hype.
923
00:52:35,719 --> 00:52:38,083
So I took the camera, I took her picture,
924
00:52:38,083 --> 00:52:40,504
said, "Miss, have a nice day,"
925
00:52:40,504 --> 00:52:42,499
turned back to the traffic,
926
00:52:42,499 --> 00:52:45,220
turned to the bay, said,
"Fuck it, nobody cares."
927
00:52:45,220 --> 00:52:46,639
Pardon my French.
928
00:52:46,639 --> 00:52:48,856
And I hurled over the bridge.
929
00:53:08,834 --> 00:53:10,828
See, what most people do, apparently,
930
00:53:10,828 --> 00:53:13,079
is they get on the ledge
outside of the bridge
931
00:53:13,079 --> 00:53:14,615
and they stand there.
932
00:53:14,615 --> 00:53:15,500
People can talk them out of it
933
00:53:15,500 --> 00:53:17,473
or pull them up or whatever.
934
00:53:17,473 --> 00:53:20,001
I didn't want anybody
to talk me out of it.
935
00:53:20,001 --> 00:53:21,878
I just wanted to die.
936
00:53:21,878 --> 00:53:24,929
So I hurtled over the
railing with my hands
937
00:53:24,929 --> 00:53:26,667
and I was falling headfirst
938
00:53:26,667 --> 00:53:31,328
and the second my hands
left the bar or the railing,
939
00:53:31,328 --> 00:53:33,216
I said, "I don't wanna die."
940
00:53:33,216 --> 00:53:34,656
I said, "What am I gonna do?
941
00:53:34,656 --> 00:53:35,926
"This is like, this is it.
942
00:53:35,926 --> 00:53:36,994
"I'm dead."
943
00:53:37,971 --> 00:53:41,224
So I said, "Well, maybe
if I get feet first,
944
00:53:41,224 --> 00:53:43,314
"maybe, maybe I'll live."
945
00:53:43,314 --> 00:53:44,415
So I thought,
946
00:53:46,159 --> 00:53:48,719
"All right, it's worth a shot."
947
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:50,138
So my head was falling like this,
948
00:53:50,138 --> 00:53:51,577
and I pushed myself back somehow
949
00:53:51,577 --> 00:53:54,397
and I landed literally
like I was sitting down,
950
00:53:54,397 --> 00:53:58,375
kinda maybe a little more
elevated with the legs,
951
00:53:58,375 --> 00:54:01,756
and I hit with my feet,
952
00:54:01,756 --> 00:54:04,377
and I guess the water treaded
through my boots a little bit,
953
00:54:04,377 --> 00:54:06,489
so maybe helped the impact,
954
00:54:06,489 --> 00:54:08,697
and the boots are pretty tough so,
955
00:54:08,697 --> 00:54:12,444
and I went down about I'd say 40, 50 feet.
956
00:54:14,164 --> 00:54:16,221
Didn't know which way was up or down.
957
00:54:16,221 --> 00:54:18,845
I thought, "Am I still alive?"
958
00:54:18,845 --> 00:54:22,122
'Cause it's like a four
to seven second fall.
959
00:54:22,122 --> 00:54:25,401
It's like 120 miles per hour.
960
00:54:27,231 --> 00:54:30,410
I think that's like seven
seconds below terminal velocity
961
00:54:30,410 --> 00:54:33,876
or like the velocity downslope skiers get.
962
00:54:38,146 --> 00:54:39,732
I was awake.
963
00:54:39,732 --> 00:54:41,652
I was alive.
964
00:54:41,652 --> 00:54:43,540
I was swimming my butt
off to get somewhere
965
00:54:43,540 --> 00:54:45,577
where there was air.
966
00:54:45,577 --> 00:54:47,529
So I reached the surface, I guess,
967
00:54:47,529 --> 00:54:50,150
because I saw some sort of light,
968
00:54:50,150 --> 00:54:51,430
and I was screaming for help
969
00:54:51,430 --> 00:54:52,294
and I couldn't really scream.
970
00:54:52,294 --> 00:54:53,286
My voice was gone.
971
00:54:53,286 --> 00:54:54,982
I couldn't yell.
972
00:54:54,982 --> 00:54:56,859
I was like, "Help.
973
00:54:56,859 --> 00:54:57,789
"Help me."
974
00:54:59,534 --> 00:55:04,429
And I felt something brush by my leg.
975
00:55:04,429 --> 00:55:06,677
I was like, "Oh, great.
976
00:55:06,677 --> 00:55:08,810
"I didn't die jumping off
the Golden Gate Bridge.
977
00:55:08,810 --> 00:55:10,953
"A shark is going to eat me."
978
00:55:10,953 --> 00:55:13,549
I was like, "This is ridiculous."
979
00:55:13,549 --> 00:55:15,390
Years later, I found out,
980
00:55:15,390 --> 00:55:16,574
as a matter of fact, last year I found out
981
00:55:16,574 --> 00:55:18,366
it wasn't a shark.
982
00:55:18,366 --> 00:55:19,731
It was a seal circling me
983
00:55:19,731 --> 00:55:23,518
and apparently it was the
only thing keeping me afloat.
984
00:55:23,518 --> 00:55:26,792
And you cannot tell me that wasn't God
985
00:55:26,792 --> 00:55:28,275
'cause that's what I believe
986
00:55:28,275 --> 00:55:30,320
and that's what I'll
believe till the day I die.
987
00:55:53,334 --> 00:55:55,499
- I was sitting my office
988
00:55:55,499 --> 00:55:58,702
and a secretary
989
00:55:58,702 --> 00:56:02,476
said that, "There's
someone on the line for you
990
00:56:02,476 --> 00:56:04,736
"from Marin General Hospital."
991
00:56:06,291 --> 00:56:09,373
So I picked up the phone and a woman said,
992
00:56:09,373 --> 00:56:11,112
"Is this Pat Hines?"
993
00:56:11,112 --> 00:56:12,349
I said, "Yes."
994
00:56:12,349 --> 00:56:14,503
She said, "Your son has just jumped
995
00:56:14,503 --> 00:56:16,681
"from the Golden Gate Bridge."
996
00:56:18,425 --> 00:56:20,676
I lived here all my life.
997
00:56:20,676 --> 00:56:23,183
I know what that means,
998
00:56:23,183 --> 00:56:26,455
and I said, "Is he alive?"
999
00:56:26,455 --> 00:56:29,686
And she said, "Oh, he is."
1000
00:56:29,686 --> 00:56:32,033
And I thought
1001
00:56:32,033 --> 00:56:36,043
that they probably told me
that just to keep me calm
1002
00:56:36,043 --> 00:56:39,200
so that I wouldn't wreck my car
1003
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:42,432
driving over to see his mangled body.
1004
00:57:07,109 --> 00:57:10,618
- I shattered my T12 and my L1,
1005
00:57:10,618 --> 00:57:13,658
which is my lower lumbar region
1006
00:57:13,658 --> 00:57:16,485
into very, very tiny little pieces
1007
00:57:16,485 --> 00:57:19,790
and the pieces went into my organs,
1008
00:57:19,790 --> 00:57:21,410
but they missed my heart.
1009
00:57:21,410 --> 00:57:24,567
- At this point in time, I
still thought he would be dead.
1010
00:57:24,567 --> 00:57:27,746
So I went up to this
gurney and I looked down
1011
00:57:27,746 --> 00:57:30,743
and he was wide awake
and he looked up at me
1012
00:57:30,743 --> 00:57:34,379
and he said, "I'm sorry."
1013
00:57:34,379 --> 00:57:38,265
And then he just closed his eyes and
1014
00:57:38,265 --> 00:57:39,873
I just stood there staring at him
1015
00:57:39,873 --> 00:57:43,373
and he was, by that
point in time, in a coma.
1016
00:57:45,352 --> 00:57:47,166
- It was just super scary, you know?
1017
00:57:47,166 --> 00:57:49,555
I mean, I can't explain it.
1018
00:57:51,655 --> 00:57:53,293
To feel it would be like...
1019
00:57:55,667 --> 00:57:58,333
like feeling an alien
jumping out of your body
1020
00:57:58,333 --> 00:57:59,432
or something, you know,
1021
00:57:59,432 --> 00:58:01,288
like your soul or whatever.
1022
00:58:01,288 --> 00:58:05,943
It was ridiculous,
scary, just really wild.
1023
00:58:21,776 --> 00:58:25,819
- 2004 was a tough year for Kevin.
1024
00:58:25,819 --> 00:58:27,440
It hasn't been a cakewalk.
1025
00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:30,128
Kevin's been visited by
1026
00:58:30,128 --> 00:58:33,849
extreme mental illness
three times subsequent
1027
00:58:33,849 --> 00:58:36,495
to his jump off the bridge.
1028
00:58:36,495 --> 00:58:38,650
The most recent, he was confined
1029
00:58:38,650 --> 00:58:40,858
for almost three months
1030
00:58:40,858 --> 00:58:44,388
while he struggled and
his doctors struggled
1031
00:58:44,388 --> 00:58:48,409
to get his bipolar bracketed in,
1032
00:58:48,409 --> 00:58:51,033
and it's a matter of diet,
1033
00:58:51,033 --> 00:58:52,377
it's a matter of consistency,
1034
00:58:52,377 --> 00:58:56,047
and it's a matter of proper drug therapy.
1035
00:58:56,047 --> 00:59:00,038
Kevin will begin to
1036
00:59:00,038 --> 00:59:01,692
make headway.
1037
00:59:01,692 --> 00:59:03,270
His life will gain traction,
1038
00:59:03,270 --> 00:59:06,385
and then he begins to get
outside of the brackets
1039
00:59:06,385 --> 00:59:08,752
into which he can function,
1040
00:59:08,752 --> 00:59:13,485
and unfortunately, it
has taken three times now
1041
00:59:13,485 --> 00:59:17,793
outside, in those outside
areas to convince him,
1042
00:59:17,793 --> 00:59:19,553
prove to him more importantly,
1043
00:59:19,553 --> 00:59:21,132
that he can't go there,
1044
00:59:21,132 --> 00:59:24,684
and unfortunately for Kevin,
1045
00:59:24,684 --> 00:59:26,795
it's get up at 8 o'clock in the morning,
1046
00:59:26,795 --> 00:59:29,823
take your pills at eight,
have lunch at noon,
1047
00:59:29,823 --> 00:59:34,142
if you will, dinner at six,
1048
00:59:34,142 --> 00:59:36,947
pills at nine, bed at 10,
1049
00:59:36,947 --> 00:59:39,454
and that's a very, very
difficult existence
1050
00:59:39,454 --> 00:59:43,475
for a 24 year old male in this society.
1051
00:59:52,301 --> 00:59:53,922
But I've told him,
1052
00:59:53,922 --> 00:59:55,694
"It's a wonderful disease to have, Kev,
1053
00:59:55,694 --> 00:59:57,507
"because you can control it.
1054
00:59:57,507 --> 00:59:59,544
"If you had cancer,
1055
00:59:59,544 --> 01:00:01,474
"you wouldn't have the same opportunity.
1056
01:00:01,474 --> 01:00:03,704
"Unlike cancer, Kevin, as long as you stay
1057
01:00:03,704 --> 01:00:05,677
"within these bands, you've got it.
1058
01:00:05,677 --> 01:00:07,021
"It doesn't have you."
1059
01:00:07,021 --> 01:00:08,045
- It's funny, my family members
1060
01:00:08,045 --> 01:00:10,391
still think I haven't learned my lesson,
1061
01:00:10,391 --> 01:00:13,239
but the lesson was
learned a long time ago,
1062
01:00:13,239 --> 01:00:16,438
and, you know,
1063
01:00:18,065 --> 01:00:19,414
it's hard when
1064
01:00:20,860 --> 01:00:23,366
you keep messing up,
1065
01:00:23,366 --> 01:00:26,777
and no one in your family
believes in you anymore
1066
01:00:26,777 --> 01:00:28,846
or trusts you,
1067
01:00:28,846 --> 01:00:31,214
whether they're scared
you're gonna go attempt again
1068
01:00:31,214 --> 01:00:33,273
and they're always worried,
walking on eggshells
1069
01:00:33,273 --> 01:00:36,129
when they talk to you.
1070
01:00:36,129 --> 01:00:38,059
It sucks.
1071
01:00:38,059 --> 01:00:38,934
So I'm tired of that.
1072
01:00:38,934 --> 01:00:39,841
I just want them to say,
1073
01:00:39,841 --> 01:00:41,633
"Hey, Kev, what's cracking, man?"
1074
01:00:43,963 --> 01:00:45,771
Just be real about it.
1075
01:00:45,771 --> 01:00:48,448
Don't walk on eggshells around me.
1076
01:00:48,448 --> 01:00:50,699
I'm the same guy,
1077
01:00:50,699 --> 01:00:55,157
just different soul, you know,
1078
01:00:55,157 --> 01:00:56,672
different ideals.
1079
01:01:04,424 --> 01:01:07,762
I just wanna be normal again,
1080
01:01:07,762 --> 01:01:09,351
but I never will be.
1081
01:01:48,266 --> 01:01:50,549
- We started using crystal meth,
1082
01:01:50,549 --> 01:01:54,261
and, you know, using crystal just,
1083
01:01:54,261 --> 01:01:57,236
everything starting going down the toilet.
1084
01:01:57,236 --> 01:02:00,159
She lost her job, I lost my job.
1085
01:02:00,159 --> 01:02:02,100
We ended up becoming homeless.
1086
01:02:05,839 --> 01:02:09,679
She has a little easier time
letting go of drugs than I do.
1087
01:02:09,679 --> 01:02:12,599
I have a very addictive personality,
1088
01:02:12,599 --> 01:02:13,441
and
1089
01:02:15,148 --> 01:02:16,684
just found out last week
1090
01:02:16,684 --> 01:02:19,654
that she's been cheating on me again.
1091
01:02:25,366 --> 01:02:26,529
So I picked up my son.
1092
01:02:26,529 --> 01:02:29,942
I gave him a hug and
kiss and said goodbye,
1093
01:02:29,942 --> 01:02:32,139
and told her to F off.
1094
01:02:33,862 --> 01:02:36,195
And then I found myself just walking
1095
01:02:36,195 --> 01:02:39,075
toward the Golden Gate Bridge.
1096
01:02:39,075 --> 01:02:41,373
I was crying the whole way, you know.
1097
01:02:42,753 --> 01:02:46,827
Only thing I kept saying was, you know,
1098
01:02:46,827 --> 01:02:50,240
"As I walk in the valley
of the shadow of death,
1099
01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:53,183
"I shall not fear a thing
'cause God's with me."
1100
01:02:56,719 --> 01:02:58,554
So when I got to the
halfway point on the bridge,
1101
01:02:58,554 --> 01:03:02,322
I set my book down and I
jumped over onto the railing.
1102
01:03:07,572 --> 01:03:11,775
And I just sat there, crying
and thinking for a little bit,
1103
01:03:11,775 --> 01:03:14,313
and the cops showed up.
1104
01:03:14,313 --> 01:03:16,510
I made the mistake of letting them
1105
01:03:16,510 --> 01:03:18,630
get to know me too well
1106
01:03:18,630 --> 01:03:21,973
'cause they completely
used my son against me.
1107
01:03:29,219 --> 01:03:31,418
- Actually, I came to the bridge last year
1108
01:03:31,418 --> 01:03:34,442
at this time to do the same thing
1109
01:03:34,442 --> 01:03:36,650
and so it's not a new idea,
1110
01:03:36,650 --> 01:03:41,005
but kind of one that became a
little obsessive, I suppose.
1111
01:03:44,626 --> 01:03:47,623
How I literally got here
today was on an airplane
1112
01:03:47,623 --> 01:03:51,381
from Houston, Texas.
1113
01:03:51,381 --> 01:03:53,596
What drew me to it in spite of
1114
01:03:53,596 --> 01:03:56,037
having to do so much preparations is that
1115
01:03:56,037 --> 01:03:58,577
it is so accessible.
1116
01:03:58,577 --> 01:04:01,325
You just kinda hop over.
1117
01:04:01,325 --> 01:04:03,832
But, yeah, letting go,
that's the tough part.
1118
01:04:11,818 --> 01:04:13,439
I don't know if people
think about that a lot,
1119
01:04:13,439 --> 01:04:15,957
like the process that
a person goes through
1120
01:04:15,957 --> 01:04:19,058
in trying to decide how to end their life.
1121
01:04:19,058 --> 01:04:21,191
It's like a search, it's like looking for
1122
01:04:21,191 --> 01:04:22,909
a college to attend or something,
1123
01:04:22,909 --> 01:04:25,124
you know, the pros and cons and
1124
01:04:25,124 --> 01:04:26,394
it's a destructive act, but there's
1125
01:04:26,394 --> 01:04:29,292
a lot of rational thought
that goes into an act
1126
01:04:29,292 --> 01:04:32,204
that a lot of people
just consider irrational.
1127
01:04:35,665 --> 01:04:38,641
In my bag, I had my parents' phone number
1128
01:04:38,641 --> 01:04:40,081
and I wanted them to know what happened
1129
01:04:40,081 --> 01:04:42,639
and not just be agonizing
over what happened
1130
01:04:42,639 --> 01:04:45,917
to their daughter for a week or two.
1131
01:04:45,917 --> 01:04:48,391
So I wanted people just
see me actually do it,
1132
01:04:48,391 --> 01:04:51,342
and I think I really did
want somebody to say, "No,
1133
01:04:51,342 --> 01:04:52,541
"don't do it."
1134
01:05:07,509 --> 01:05:10,132
- When Gene called me
1135
01:05:10,132 --> 01:05:13,610
from St. Louis in despair
1136
01:05:13,610 --> 01:05:15,977
and was gonna jump off the bridge there,
1137
01:05:15,977 --> 01:05:18,676
he said, "I'm just calling to say goodbye.
1138
01:05:18,676 --> 01:05:20,731
"It's time."
1139
01:05:20,731 --> 01:05:22,740
What could I say to him?
1140
01:05:22,740 --> 01:05:25,445
You know, I had tried
1141
01:05:25,445 --> 01:05:28,563
on occasion to find something
1142
01:05:28,563 --> 01:05:31,376
that would encourage him to live,
1143
01:05:31,376 --> 01:05:33,363
something,
1144
01:05:33,363 --> 01:05:36,323
and I asked him again for a favor.
1145
01:05:36,323 --> 01:05:38,925
I said, "Put my name and phone number
1146
01:05:38,925 --> 01:05:42,068
"in a plastic bag in your pocket
1147
01:05:42,068 --> 01:05:45,301
"so that when you are found,
1148
01:05:45,301 --> 01:05:46,933
"I can be told.
1149
01:05:46,933 --> 01:05:48,244
"I need to know."
1150
01:05:51,802 --> 01:05:55,801
- He had called me from
a bridge back there
1151
01:05:55,801 --> 01:05:56,399
and he was--
1152
01:05:56,399 --> 01:05:58,329
- But he called me first
from the train tracks
1153
01:05:58,329 --> 01:06:00,238
saying he was gonna lay his neck
1154
01:06:00,238 --> 01:06:02,266
across the train tracks
and because he said
1155
01:06:02,266 --> 01:06:04,698
things like that all the time,
1156
01:06:04,698 --> 01:06:06,553
I didn't call him back
1157
01:06:06,553 --> 01:06:09,177
because I just didn't want to hear it.
1158
01:06:09,177 --> 01:06:12,142
You can only hear the
same thing so many times
1159
01:06:12,142 --> 01:06:14,563
and give the same answer so many times.
1160
01:06:14,563 --> 01:06:15,789
You know, "Stop being stupid.
1161
01:06:15,789 --> 01:06:17,763
"Don't be ridiculous."
1162
01:06:17,763 --> 01:06:20,600
It gets tiring after awhile.
1163
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:21,805
You wanna hear something different,
1164
01:06:21,805 --> 01:06:23,384
so I guess when I didn't call him back,
1165
01:06:23,384 --> 01:06:25,037
he went to the bridge.
1166
01:06:25,037 --> 01:06:27,010
- Yeah, he had made his way to a bridge.
1167
01:06:27,010 --> 01:06:28,707
He called me on my cell phone,
1168
01:06:28,707 --> 01:06:31,607
told me this relationship
that he was pursuing
1169
01:06:31,607 --> 01:06:34,252
is all falling apart, so
I kept him on the phone.
1170
01:06:34,252 --> 01:06:35,970
I was talking to him.
1171
01:06:35,970 --> 01:06:37,687
At one point in our conversation,
1172
01:06:37,687 --> 01:06:40,097
he said, "Oh, a cop's driving by."
1173
01:06:40,097 --> 01:06:42,659
And I actually heard the
cop stop and ask him,
1174
01:06:42,659 --> 01:06:45,215
"Hey, you're not gonna jump, are ya?"
1175
01:06:45,215 --> 01:06:47,508
They asked him, "Is everything okay?
1176
01:06:47,508 --> 01:06:48,801
"Any problems?"
1177
01:06:48,801 --> 01:06:50,753
And he's like, "No, not really,"
1178
01:06:50,753 --> 01:06:55,262
and they decided to leave him alone,
1179
01:06:55,262 --> 01:06:57,726
and that's when I said, "Look,
1180
01:06:57,726 --> 01:06:59,955
"I'm gonna get a ticket
for you for the bus,
1181
01:06:59,955 --> 01:07:02,046
"and you're gonna come
back to California,"
1182
01:07:02,046 --> 01:07:04,339
and I convinced him to do that.
1183
01:07:39,150 --> 01:07:42,862
- David is very dramatic, boisterous,
1184
01:07:42,862 --> 01:07:44,814
a life of the party type,
1185
01:07:44,814 --> 01:07:47,629
playing the piano, singing,
1186
01:07:47,629 --> 01:07:48,864
you know, really Mr. Party,
1187
01:07:48,864 --> 01:07:50,496
which is very interesting because
1188
01:07:50,496 --> 01:07:52,277
I'm not that way at all,
1189
01:07:52,277 --> 01:07:54,784
and I think part of the reason he liked me
1190
01:07:54,784 --> 01:07:56,554
was that I didn't ask him to do that
1191
01:07:56,554 --> 01:08:00,168
or he didn't feel he had
to do that around me.
1192
01:08:02,243 --> 01:08:04,216
- He was a handsome guy.
1193
01:08:04,216 --> 01:08:06,562
He was a good dresser,
1194
01:08:06,562 --> 01:08:08,610
and he just exuded this,
1195
01:08:08,610 --> 01:08:12,331
which is another reason
why I guess it's so
1196
01:08:12,331 --> 01:08:16,959
shocking to me is that he
just exuded this joy for life.
1197
01:08:27,673 --> 01:08:31,545
- Ruby was someone that I
was always proud to pull in.
1198
01:08:31,545 --> 01:08:32,567
So when there's somebody new in my life
1199
01:08:32,567 --> 01:08:34,145
or I was dating somebody for awhile,
1200
01:08:34,145 --> 01:08:36,204
I wanna bring 'em over, you know.
1201
01:08:41,791 --> 01:08:44,713
- One of Jim's favorite things
was when he'd see me, said,
1202
01:08:44,713 --> 01:08:45,854
"Oh, I met a new friend.
1203
01:08:45,854 --> 01:08:47,143
"You've got to meet this person.
1204
01:08:47,143 --> 01:08:49,058
"You've just gotta meant this person."
1205
01:08:49,058 --> 01:08:51,618
He had great delight in
bringing people together.
1206
01:08:51,618 --> 01:08:54,712
He really loved people and
1207
01:08:57,142 --> 01:08:59,271
just very warm personality.
1208
01:09:00,411 --> 01:09:03,728
At least that's how he
was in the beginning.
1209
01:09:17,444 --> 01:09:19,300
- Before six months ago, I would
1210
01:09:19,300 --> 01:09:21,508
never have said that I thought Ruby
1211
01:09:21,508 --> 01:09:24,068
had a significant depression problem.
1212
01:09:26,265 --> 01:09:30,105
I know that he was alone
without a source of income.
1213
01:09:30,105 --> 01:09:32,910
I know his sister had killed herself.
1214
01:09:32,910 --> 01:09:36,163
I know he had all those variables.
1215
01:09:36,163 --> 01:09:39,160
Nothing before this last
few months of his life
1216
01:09:39,160 --> 01:09:41,666
indicated to me that
he was out of the range
1217
01:09:41,666 --> 01:09:43,085
of the normal ups and downs
1218
01:09:43,085 --> 01:09:47,467
that we just don't share all the time.
1219
01:09:47,467 --> 01:09:49,482
- David came over to Charlie's
1220
01:09:49,482 --> 01:09:52,064
to have dinner with us
1221
01:09:52,064 --> 01:09:54,367
and that's when he told
us for the first time
1222
01:09:54,367 --> 01:09:56,309
he was seriously on medication,
1223
01:09:56,309 --> 01:09:58,689
but up until that point
1224
01:09:58,689 --> 01:10:02,004
apparently he had been
self-medicating with alcohol
1225
01:10:02,004 --> 01:10:04,774
and although I knew him for nine years,
1226
01:10:06,290 --> 01:10:10,474
I could count on maybe,
1227
01:10:10,474 --> 01:10:13,371
maybe two times that I
see him really drunk.
1228
01:10:16,171 --> 01:10:18,283
- David would, every so often, determine
1229
01:10:18,283 --> 01:10:19,925
that he had to get his life back together
1230
01:10:19,925 --> 01:10:22,944
or he would be confronted
by me or other friends
1231
01:10:22,944 --> 01:10:25,013
and start treatment.
1232
01:10:25,013 --> 01:10:27,914
He took antidepressants for
a month and a half or so
1233
01:10:27,914 --> 01:10:29,685
and made a big show of it,
1234
01:10:29,685 --> 01:10:32,053
but then in the end I arranged a label
1235
01:10:32,053 --> 01:10:34,663
so that I could see if he'd
been picking the bottles up
1236
01:10:34,663 --> 01:10:36,807
and he hadn't touched them.
1237
01:10:36,807 --> 01:10:38,601
Didn't touch them for weeks.
1238
01:10:42,372 --> 01:10:44,586
- So a couple of months before he died,
1239
01:10:44,586 --> 01:10:46,457
Ruby started talking about
1240
01:10:46,457 --> 01:10:49,826
he couldn't get over
his feelings of losses
1241
01:10:49,826 --> 01:10:53,136
and he thought that he might be depressed,
1242
01:10:53,136 --> 01:10:55,272
but he didn't have any health insurance.
1243
01:10:56,522 --> 01:10:59,666
So he said, "I want some meds.
1244
01:10:59,666 --> 01:11:02,387
"Got any ideas how I can get some?"
1245
01:11:02,387 --> 01:11:05,358
And I had tried some antidepressant meds
1246
01:11:05,358 --> 01:11:09,081
that didn't seem to help and
I couldn't sleep on them.
1247
01:11:09,081 --> 01:11:11,517
So I said, "Okay, listen.
1248
01:11:15,798 --> 01:11:16,867
"Here.
1249
01:11:19,235 --> 01:11:20,651
"You can have mine.
1250
01:11:22,961 --> 01:11:24,774
"But you've gotta call a physician
1251
01:11:24,774 --> 01:11:27,413
"for information on how to take them.
1252
01:11:27,413 --> 01:11:31,314
"I cannot be responsible
for how you take them.
1253
01:11:31,314 --> 01:11:32,978
"But you can have them."
1254
01:11:36,740 --> 01:11:40,497
I was gonna give him
the whole bottle of them
1255
01:11:40,497 --> 01:11:43,040
in the original bottle and I thought,
1256
01:11:45,211 --> 01:11:48,116
what if one day somebody
goes into his apartment
1257
01:11:51,146 --> 01:11:53,959
and is looking through his stuff
1258
01:11:53,959 --> 01:11:57,629
and finds my name on a bottle of meds?
1259
01:11:59,719 --> 01:12:01,876
I took them out and I
put them in an envelope.
1260
01:12:04,313 --> 01:12:06,217
Just a plain envelope.
1261
01:12:12,004 --> 01:12:15,374
- It was around November or the fall
1262
01:12:15,374 --> 01:12:17,998
when Jim lost an enormous amount of money
1263
01:12:17,998 --> 01:12:20,677
and he actually made the statement,
1264
01:12:20,677 --> 01:12:23,653
"Well, if I don't sell these pots,"
1265
01:12:23,653 --> 01:12:25,387
which were these Japanese ceramics,
1266
01:12:25,387 --> 01:12:27,747
"I'm just gonna have to commit hara-kiri."
1267
01:12:31,496 --> 01:12:34,067
- When I called him, I said, "David,
1268
01:12:34,067 --> 01:12:36,072
"I know you're in trouble,
1269
01:12:36,072 --> 01:12:38,013
"I know you've lost your job,
1270
01:12:38,013 --> 01:12:39,549
"and I wanna help you."
1271
01:12:39,549 --> 01:12:42,546
He stopped because I'd never
really said that before
1272
01:12:42,546 --> 01:12:45,629
because I didn't view
him as really in trouble,
1273
01:12:45,629 --> 01:12:47,997
and he said,
1274
01:12:47,997 --> 01:12:49,330
"I can't talk about this right now
1275
01:12:49,330 --> 01:12:51,644
"because I don't wanna cry
in the middle of the street,"
1276
01:12:51,644 --> 01:12:54,578
and I thought, oh my God, this is serious.
1277
01:12:54,578 --> 01:12:57,728
He's really emotionally
on the verge of tears.
1278
01:12:59,963 --> 01:13:03,815
- Five months before he jumped,
1279
01:13:03,815 --> 01:13:06,415
he had written a note, an email
1280
01:13:06,415 --> 01:13:09,231
to a couple dozen of his friends
1281
01:13:09,231 --> 01:13:12,030
saying that he had been
contemplating suicide
1282
01:13:12,030 --> 01:13:15,098
and a lot of them wrote
back to him and called him.
1283
01:13:16,320 --> 01:13:19,338
However, he never mentioned
suicide to me ever,
1284
01:13:19,338 --> 01:13:22,399
and I just can't fathom the
idea of committing suicide
1285
01:13:22,399 --> 01:13:25,237
and I just think I thought
he was one of those people
1286
01:13:25,237 --> 01:13:27,764
who for him it just wasn't an option,
1287
01:13:27,764 --> 01:13:29,557
but apparently it was.
1288
01:13:45,754 --> 01:13:47,417
- My daughter was leaving for camp,
1289
01:13:47,417 --> 01:13:50,588
and I said, "You know what,
let's go to the movies."
1290
01:13:52,823 --> 01:13:54,510
We went into the theater.
1291
01:14:01,653 --> 01:14:05,013
He just put his head in his hands
1292
01:14:05,013 --> 01:14:09,704
and he just wept.
1293
01:14:09,704 --> 01:14:11,741
He just wept in the movie.
1294
01:14:14,449 --> 01:14:16,552
And I was tearing up a little too,
1295
01:14:16,552 --> 01:14:19,668
but he was just crying
and crying and crying.
1296
01:14:27,560 --> 01:14:30,297
And he put his hand on my leg,
1297
01:14:32,874 --> 01:14:34,548
and I said,
1298
01:14:34,548 --> 01:14:37,524
"Ruby, I don't need to be comforted,"
1299
01:14:37,524 --> 01:14:39,276
and he looked at me.
1300
01:14:42,001 --> 01:14:44,508
I thought, oh my God.
1301
01:14:44,508 --> 01:14:45,942
Oh no.
1302
01:14:53,750 --> 01:14:56,216
It was then that I remembered
1303
01:14:58,131 --> 01:15:00,533
that I put the meds in
a plain white envelope
1304
01:15:02,256 --> 01:15:04,085
a couple months earlier.
1305
01:15:10,576 --> 01:15:11,664
We got out of the movie theater
1306
01:15:11,664 --> 01:15:14,490
and we were walking to his car,
1307
01:15:14,490 --> 01:15:16,459
and I thought,
1308
01:15:18,737 --> 01:15:21,172
he's not just depressed,
he wants to kill himself.
1309
01:15:32,723 --> 01:15:34,766
And he said, "The meds,
1310
01:15:34,766 --> 01:15:36,995
"I think I can't sleep
because of the meds,"
1311
01:15:36,995 --> 01:15:39,435
and I said,
1312
01:15:39,435 --> 01:15:41,014
"I know, I wish I hadn't given them to you
1313
01:15:41,014 --> 01:15:45,395
"because I feel like I made it worse.
1314
01:15:45,395 --> 01:15:48,539
"They had the same effect on me."
1315
01:15:48,539 --> 01:15:50,064
He said, "That's it, actually.
1316
01:15:50,064 --> 01:15:52,528
"I can't sleep,
1317
01:15:52,528 --> 01:15:55,173
"and I'm just up.
1318
01:15:55,173 --> 01:15:59,390
"I can't stop worrying.
1319
01:16:00,802 --> 01:16:02,658
"I just can't turn it off and not sleeping
1320
01:16:02,658 --> 01:16:05,306
"is what is making me crazy.
1321
01:16:06,570 --> 01:16:08,739
"I'm thinking about I'm killing myself."
1322
01:16:09,887 --> 01:16:11,649
And I said, "I know."
1323
01:16:14,677 --> 01:16:17,381
I felt it when we were walking to the car.
1324
01:16:17,381 --> 01:16:18,936
Something was gone.
1325
01:16:21,512 --> 01:16:23,837
And he said, "I'm so ashamed
1326
01:16:23,837 --> 01:16:27,112
"to tell you that I'm
thinking about doing this.
1327
01:16:27,112 --> 01:16:29,269
"What would you think of me if I did?"
1328
01:16:33,360 --> 01:16:36,752
And I said, "Ruby, I have understood
1329
01:16:36,752 --> 01:16:40,901
"that there are people
who have incessant pain,
1330
01:16:40,901 --> 01:16:43,058
"but ...
1331
01:16:44,568 --> 01:16:47,245
"I don't think you're one of 'em.
1332
01:16:47,245 --> 01:16:49,189
"Do you have plan?"
1333
01:16:50,837 --> 01:16:53,717
And he said, "Well, I'm
thinking about different things.
1334
01:16:53,717 --> 01:16:55,530
"I'd overdose except I'm
not sure how much to take
1335
01:16:55,530 --> 01:16:57,746
"and I might wake up in an ER,
1336
01:16:57,746 --> 01:17:00,208
"and that would be horrible.
1337
01:17:00,208 --> 01:17:01,311
"And
1338
01:17:03,053 --> 01:17:03,960
"I thought about the bridge,"
1339
01:17:03,960 --> 01:17:06,072
and I said, "You can't do the bridge.
1340
01:17:06,072 --> 01:17:07,746
"Too dramatic."
1341
01:17:07,746 --> 01:17:09,282
He said, "What about people
who shoot themselves?"
1342
01:17:09,282 --> 01:17:10,349
And I said, "It's too messy.
1343
01:17:10,349 --> 01:17:13,205
"It's not fair to your landlord.
1344
01:17:13,205 --> 01:17:16,206
"And, anyway,
1345
01:17:16,206 --> 01:17:17,780
"you are not in the category
1346
01:17:17,780 --> 01:17:20,097
"of people who get to kill themselves."
1347
01:17:24,977 --> 01:17:26,535
And then he wanted to come over
1348
01:17:26,535 --> 01:17:29,041
and spend some time and just
didn't want to go home yet,
1349
01:17:29,041 --> 01:17:32,699
but I actually just
wanted to be by myself.
1350
01:17:34,446 --> 01:17:35,600
I said, "No.
1351
01:17:37,004 --> 01:17:38,203
"Can't.
1352
01:17:42,011 --> 01:17:44,086
"But if you feel really desperate,
1353
01:17:44,086 --> 01:17:45,742
"you call me, I'll drop anything."
1354
01:17:45,742 --> 01:17:47,187
I did say that.
1355
01:17:52,659 --> 01:17:54,669
So then I got him out
of my car and went home,
1356
01:17:54,669 --> 01:17:57,082
and I didn't hear from him
1357
01:17:59,019 --> 01:18:00,660
actually ever again.
1358
01:18:24,405 --> 01:18:27,535
# Since I lost you
1359
01:18:30,186 --> 01:18:34,458
# I can't get through the day
1360
01:18:34,458 --> 01:18:37,087
# Without at least
1361
01:18:37,087 --> 01:18:40,419
# One big boo-hoo
1362
01:18:42,750 --> 01:18:47,018
# The pain won't go away
1363
01:18:47,018 --> 01:18:49,812
# What am I gonna do #
1364
01:18:51,652 --> 01:18:54,923
- We all know how much
1365
01:18:54,923 --> 01:18:58,135
all of us had been close to Jim,
1366
01:18:58,135 --> 01:19:01,566
how his passing has
affected us, whether it's
1367
01:19:02,889 --> 01:19:05,452
fear that,
1368
01:19:05,452 --> 01:19:07,603
you know, you might get to that same place
1369
01:19:07,603 --> 01:19:11,390
and do the same thing or
1370
01:19:11,390 --> 01:19:15,261
just guilt because you felt you
weren't a good enough friend
1371
01:19:15,261 --> 01:19:19,720
or whatever it is, there is
a lot different reactions.
1372
01:19:19,720 --> 01:19:22,805
Talking to everybody, there's
a lot of different reactions.
1373
01:19:25,349 --> 01:19:27,358
And I think everyone's
trying to make sense of it.
1374
01:19:30,008 --> 01:19:32,981
In Jim's particular passing, which
1375
01:19:32,981 --> 01:19:34,837
as a friend of mine said,
1376
01:19:34,837 --> 01:19:39,533
he was warning you but he
was not asking for help.
1377
01:19:44,840 --> 01:19:46,536
- I thought
1378
01:19:46,536 --> 01:19:49,864
that he was probably feeling so ashamed
1379
01:19:49,864 --> 01:19:51,186
'cause the theme of that night was
1380
01:19:51,186 --> 01:19:53,575
I'm so ashamed I'm telling you this
1381
01:19:53,575 --> 01:19:54,885
that I
1382
01:19:56,573 --> 01:20:00,640
made the mistake of giving
him some space to recover,
1383
01:20:01,999 --> 01:20:05,108
and that was a bad call, I think.
1384
01:20:07,055 --> 01:20:09,863
You know, I could have 51-50'd him.
1385
01:20:12,706 --> 01:20:14,047
But, also,
1386
01:20:14,047 --> 01:20:15,487
I didn't wanna humiliate him
1387
01:20:15,487 --> 01:20:17,589
and have him be in a psych facility
1388
01:20:17,589 --> 01:20:19,326
'cause I wasn't sure they
were really gonna help him
1389
01:20:19,326 --> 01:20:21,504
and I didn't wanna cross my boundaries.
1390
01:20:22,919 --> 01:20:26,231
But I will never again not intrude.
1391
01:20:26,231 --> 01:20:28,174
I won't respect their privacy
1392
01:20:28,174 --> 01:20:31,665
and I will not ever again
1393
01:20:31,665 --> 01:20:33,361
not do something 'cause I'm afraid
1394
01:20:33,361 --> 01:20:36,029
that they might be embarrassed.
1395
01:20:39,246 --> 01:20:42,488
- There's obviously a fuzzy line between
1396
01:20:42,488 --> 01:20:45,645
doing nothing and doing
what would have prevented it
1397
01:20:45,645 --> 01:20:48,664
and who knows where that line is?
1398
01:20:48,664 --> 01:20:49,880
He was a grownup.
1399
01:20:49,880 --> 01:20:51,970
I couldn't tell him what
to do with his life,
1400
01:20:51,970 --> 01:20:54,306
and I suppose if we had had him locked up
1401
01:20:54,306 --> 01:20:58,114
or something, then he
might still be alive,
1402
01:20:58,114 --> 01:21:00,849
but I don't
1403
01:21:00,849 --> 01:21:03,471
blame myself like that.
1404
01:21:04,800 --> 01:21:08,325
Initially, several of his other friends
1405
01:21:08,325 --> 01:21:10,322
went out there as a group
1406
01:21:10,322 --> 01:21:13,671
because they knew the light pole number
1407
01:21:13,671 --> 01:21:16,169
where he had jumped.
1408
01:21:17,967 --> 01:21:19,546
I couldn't go,
1409
01:21:19,546 --> 01:21:21,914
but a couple of months later, I did go
1410
01:21:21,914 --> 01:21:23,791
and it was very difficult,
1411
01:21:23,791 --> 01:21:27,087
and I'll never be able to
drive across the bridge again
1412
01:21:27,087 --> 01:21:29,901
without some kind of
1413
01:21:31,361 --> 01:21:33,390
emotional reaction.
1414
01:21:34,953 --> 01:21:36,926
Something else I'm
pissed off at him about.
1415
01:21:36,926 --> 01:21:38,872
It's such a great bridge.
1416
01:21:42,366 --> 01:21:44,781
- I think the bridge has a romance,
1417
01:21:47,841 --> 01:21:50,186
a false romantic promise to it
1418
01:21:52,208 --> 01:21:54,117
because he's dead.
1419
01:21:55,837 --> 01:21:57,089
And
1420
01:21:59,025 --> 01:22:00,924
he doesn't get to benefit
1421
01:22:00,924 --> 01:22:03,225
from the romanticism of it.
1422
01:22:03,225 --> 01:22:06,224
He doesn't have any benefit from it.
1423
01:22:06,224 --> 01:22:10,173
It romanticizes him a bit in the legend,
1424
01:22:15,083 --> 01:22:17,285
but he doesn't benefit for it.
1425
01:22:17,285 --> 01:22:19,973
So what if his story has that at the end?
1426
01:22:19,973 --> 01:22:21,175
He's gone.
1427
01:22:23,255 --> 01:22:24,799
And so I think there's an empty promise.
1428
01:22:24,799 --> 01:22:27,150
It's almost like, you know
what alcoholics talk about
1429
01:22:27,150 --> 01:22:29,414
the romance of the bottle, you know?
1430
01:22:30,589 --> 01:22:32,800
Like maybe the first sip is really good
1431
01:22:32,800 --> 01:22:35,154
and everything else is hell.
1432
01:22:35,154 --> 01:22:36,295
So maybe walking out there,
1433
01:22:36,295 --> 01:22:39,742
he had a romantic moment
or two or an hour,
1434
01:22:41,444 --> 01:22:43,975
but hitting the water can't be fun.
1435
01:22:45,900 --> 01:22:47,159
So I think he felt like a failure
1436
01:22:47,159 --> 01:22:49,337
and this was some sort of redemption.
1437
01:22:52,607 --> 01:22:56,173
I think that it just drew
him with this idea of
1438
01:22:59,142 --> 01:23:00,651
being famous.
1439
01:23:47,031 --> 01:23:50,477
- The last time I saw him,
I was leaving for work
1440
01:23:50,477 --> 01:23:54,742
and I gave him five bucks so
he could get a pack of smokes,
1441
01:23:54,742 --> 01:23:57,921
go grab a paper, and, you know,
1442
01:23:57,921 --> 01:24:00,344
go out and maybe hit a couple places
1443
01:24:00,344 --> 01:24:02,718
to put in some applications,
1444
01:24:02,718 --> 01:24:04,627
and that's when he disappeared
1445
01:24:04,627 --> 01:24:08,200
and I was the last one
to actually talk to him,
1446
01:24:08,200 --> 01:24:12,500
and I remember when I
was walking out the door,
1447
01:24:12,500 --> 01:24:15,275
the last thing I said to him, I said,
1448
01:24:15,275 --> 01:24:16,974
"Cheer up, Gene."
1449
01:24:16,974 --> 01:24:20,428
I said, "Everything will work out."
1450
01:24:20,428 --> 01:24:24,067
And just jokingly, I said,
1451
01:24:24,067 --> 01:24:25,706
"See you when I get home, love you,"
1452
01:24:25,706 --> 01:24:29,287
and that was it, that was the
last thing I ever said to him.
1453
01:24:30,524 --> 01:24:33,010
- The last thing I ever
said to him was a fight.
1454
01:24:33,010 --> 01:24:34,960
- Yeah.
1455
01:24:34,960 --> 01:24:36,538
- Because...
1456
01:24:36,538 --> 01:24:39,155
I didn't think he was trying
1457
01:24:39,155 --> 01:24:42,159
to find a job as hard as he could,
1458
01:24:42,159 --> 01:24:43,290
and it was making me angry
1459
01:24:43,290 --> 01:24:45,103
because I knew that he was very smart
1460
01:24:45,103 --> 01:24:46,841
and he was very capable
1461
01:24:46,841 --> 01:24:49,679
and the only thing
holding him back was him
1462
01:24:49,679 --> 01:24:51,492
just not caring,
1463
01:24:51,492 --> 01:24:53,838
and he found one of the
kid's sidewalk chalk
1464
01:24:53,838 --> 01:24:57,337
and he was sittin' behind Matt's truck
1465
01:24:57,337 --> 01:25:00,291
and he wrote "End me" on the ground
1466
01:25:00,291 --> 01:25:03,171
like he scratched it in
over and over and over,
1467
01:25:03,171 --> 01:25:05,208
and my son came in and got me
1468
01:25:05,208 --> 01:25:07,248
and said, "Why would Gene write that?"
1469
01:25:15,326 --> 01:25:18,811
- Knowing Gene and the way his
personality works and stuff,
1470
01:25:18,811 --> 01:25:20,784
the Golden Gate Bridge is perfect for him
1471
01:25:20,784 --> 01:25:24,510
because it's just one easy step
1472
01:25:24,510 --> 01:25:26,224
and there's no turning back.
1473
01:25:26,224 --> 01:25:28,752
In hindsight, I almost feel like
1474
01:25:28,752 --> 01:25:30,938
it was meant to happen.
1475
01:25:30,938 --> 01:25:32,602
Maybe he's happy now.
1476
01:25:32,602 --> 01:25:33,400
You know, who knows?
1477
01:25:33,400 --> 01:25:35,410
I don't, but
1478
01:25:39,686 --> 01:25:42,423
he couldn't have lasted much longer,
1479
01:25:42,423 --> 01:25:44,610
not the way he was going.
1480
01:25:44,610 --> 01:25:46,860
- But if he would have waited,
1481
01:25:46,860 --> 01:25:48,279
there was a message on
our answering machine
1482
01:25:48,279 --> 01:25:50,828
from one of the places in Oakland
1483
01:25:50,828 --> 01:25:52,993
that had offered him a management position
1484
01:25:52,993 --> 01:25:54,316
which is what he wanted.
1485
01:25:54,316 --> 01:25:57,368
They were opening a new
GameStop, I think it was.
1486
01:25:57,368 --> 01:25:57,996
- Whatever,
1487
01:25:57,996 --> 01:25:58,828
one of the game places.
- One of game
1488
01:25:58,828 --> 01:26:00,449
stores and they were gonna put him
1489
01:26:00,449 --> 01:26:01,974
straight into management,
1490
01:26:01,974 --> 01:26:03,553
and he had an interview
the day that he jumped
1491
01:26:03,553 --> 01:26:05,131
at 10 o'clock in the morning.
1492
01:26:05,131 --> 01:26:05,857
- Yep.
1493
01:26:05,857 --> 01:26:08,203
- And I don't know
if he got the message
1494
01:26:08,203 --> 01:26:11,456
or if he missed it 'cause I
don't know what time he left.
1495
01:26:11,456 --> 01:26:13,400
He was gone before I got home.
1496
01:26:16,318 --> 01:26:19,375
If he would've either just
checked the message or waited.
1497
01:26:26,709 --> 01:26:29,450
- I couldn't fully cry, and I couldn't
1498
01:26:29,450 --> 01:26:34,305
fully whatever, but the
overwhelming emotion was anger.
1499
01:26:35,564 --> 01:26:38,536
I was extremely pissed.
1500
01:26:38,536 --> 01:26:42,797
I wanted to drive out to the Bay Area and
1501
01:26:42,797 --> 01:26:44,844
go to the coroner and
1502
01:26:46,856 --> 01:26:49,341
you know, get, clear!
1503
01:26:49,341 --> 01:26:50,333
Wake up.
1504
01:26:50,333 --> 01:26:52,445
Why did you do that?
1505
01:26:52,445 --> 01:26:55,495
I don't see any reason
1506
01:26:55,495 --> 01:26:57,438
for people to do that,
1507
01:26:58,745 --> 01:27:02,723
and Gene had people in
this world that loved him,
1508
01:27:04,201 --> 01:27:06,425
and he hurt 'em.
1509
01:27:08,734 --> 01:27:11,753
If I see him again, that's
what I wanna tell him.
1510
01:27:11,753 --> 01:27:13,054
He hurt me,
1511
01:27:13,054 --> 01:27:15,384
and I didn't think he would ever do that.
1512
01:27:22,695 --> 01:27:24,881
- Disturbed is a interesting word
1513
01:27:24,881 --> 01:27:28,177
'cause... that's
all I can define it as
1514
01:27:28,177 --> 01:27:30,107
is I was disturbed.
1515
01:27:30,107 --> 01:27:31,494
Now I miss him.
1516
01:27:31,494 --> 01:27:33,669
Now I'm sad.
1517
01:27:33,669 --> 01:27:37,170
But at the moment, there was almost,
1518
01:27:38,787 --> 01:27:42,739
that I got the news, there
was almost a sense of relief,
1519
01:27:47,321 --> 01:27:50,498
that he wasn't going to be
1520
01:27:50,498 --> 01:27:53,764
disappointed or unhappy anymore.
1521
01:27:56,789 --> 01:27:58,911
I miss him.
1522
01:27:58,911 --> 01:28:03,756
But I don't have any answers,
1523
01:28:06,172 --> 01:28:10,115
just a bunch of
observations and a bunch of
1524
01:28:10,115 --> 01:28:14,418
experience of feeling disturbed
1525
01:28:14,418 --> 01:28:16,772
about that situation.
1526
01:28:17,999 --> 01:28:20,868
I don't know why people kill themselves,
1527
01:28:20,868 --> 01:28:23,451
and yet it's a small step
1528
01:28:23,451 --> 01:28:26,012
to emphasize, to say...
1529
01:28:27,292 --> 01:28:30,742
because I think we all
experience moments of despair
1530
01:28:30,742 --> 01:28:35,545
that it would be so much
easier not to do this anymore.
1531
01:28:37,334 --> 01:28:39,424
But for most of us,
1532
01:28:39,424 --> 01:28:41,952
the sun comes out and then,
1533
01:28:41,952 --> 01:28:43,695
oh well.
1534
01:28:43,695 --> 01:28:45,905
Tomorrow is another day.
1535
01:28:54,717 --> 01:28:58,261
Why he chose the bridge, I don't know.
1536
01:28:59,834 --> 01:29:02,202
Maybe there's a certain amount of
1537
01:29:02,202 --> 01:29:05,471
release from
1538
01:29:05,471 --> 01:29:07,631
pain by pain.
1539
01:29:10,701 --> 01:29:13,230
Maybe he just wanted to fly one time.
1540
01:29:55,538 --> 01:30:00,316
# Here, where they can't find us
1541
01:30:00,316 --> 01:30:02,796
# Dare them to call
1542
01:30:03,844 --> 01:30:05,833
# Me out
1543
01:30:07,076 --> 01:30:08,190
# Or tell you
1544
01:30:08,190 --> 01:30:12,548
# We met here on purpose
1545
01:30:12,548 --> 01:30:15,346
# I bet they can't wait
1546
01:30:16,343 --> 01:30:19,448
# To wake us up
1547
01:30:19,448 --> 01:30:21,992
# It's all
1548
01:30:21,992 --> 01:30:24,929
# A little bit strange
1549
01:30:26,096 --> 01:30:27,931
# I know
1550
01:30:27,931 --> 01:30:31,285
# It's a little bit strange
1551
01:30:33,221 --> 01:30:34,501
# Make
1552
01:30:34,501 --> 01:30:37,562
# A point and ignore them
1553
01:30:37,562 --> 01:30:41,309
# Come on, let's wait
1554
01:30:41,309 --> 01:30:43,526
# This out
1555
01:30:44,602 --> 01:30:45,647
# They'll find out
1556
01:30:45,647 --> 01:30:50,009
# We never stopped turning
1557
01:30:50,009 --> 01:30:53,859
# And sometimes it's tough
1558
01:30:53,859 --> 01:30:57,230
# To change direction
1559
01:30:57,230 --> 01:30:59,417
# I know
1560
01:30:59,417 --> 01:31:02,332
# It's a little bit strange
1561
01:31:03,712 --> 01:31:05,742
# It's all
1562
01:31:05,742 --> 01:31:10,279
# A little bit strange
1563
01:31:10,279 --> 01:31:12,629
# At the end of the day
1564
01:31:12,629 --> 01:31:15,276
# Well, I
1565
01:31:16,413 --> 01:31:18,985
# Gonna say what I mean
1566
01:31:18,985 --> 01:31:21,901
# Well, I
1567
01:31:22,910 --> 01:31:25,139
# It's slipping all away
1568
01:31:25,139 --> 01:31:27,705
# Away
1569
01:31:28,968 --> 01:31:30,472
# At the end
1570
01:31:30,472 --> 01:31:33,740
# Of our days
1571
01:31:34,909 --> 01:31:37,207
# We'll escape
1572
01:31:41,276 --> 01:31:43,404
# We'll escape
1573
01:31:53,748 --> 01:31:55,527
# I know
1574
01:32:00,823 --> 01:32:04,486
# Oh, oo, oh
1575
01:32:07,052 --> 01:32:10,896
# Oh, oo, oh
1576
01:32:12,758 --> 01:32:14,359
# I know
1577
01:32:14,359 --> 01:32:17,488
# It's a little bit strange
1578
01:32:18,955 --> 01:32:20,886
# It's all
1579
01:32:20,886 --> 01:32:25,370
# A little bit strange
1580
01:32:25,370 --> 01:32:27,754
# At the end of the day
1581
01:32:27,754 --> 01:32:30,063
# Well, I
1582
01:32:31,509 --> 01:32:33,994
# Gonna say what I mean
1583
01:32:33,994 --> 01:32:36,335
# Well, I
1584
01:32:37,749 --> 01:32:40,394
# At the end of the day
1585
01:32:40,394 --> 01:32:42,478
# I
1586
01:32:43,604 --> 01:32:46,678
# Gonna say what I mean
1587
01:32:46,678 --> 01:32:50,471
# Well, I
1588
01:32:50,471 --> 01:32:55,456
# Slipping all away
1589
01:32:56,796 --> 01:33:01,796
# Slipping all away
1590
01:33:03,025 --> 01:33:06,745
# Slipping all away
1591
01:33:06,745 --> 01:33:09,112
# Now
1592
01:33:09,112 --> 01:33:11,968
# At the end of
1593
01:33:11,968 --> 01:33:14,018
# Our day
1594
01:33:15,208 --> 01:33:17,400
# We'll escape
1595
01:33:21,405 --> 01:33:23,810
# We'll escape
1596
01:33:26,439 --> 01:33:29,367
# Oh, there's no escape
1597
01:33:34,055 --> 01:33:36,237
# We'll escape
1598
01:33:37,564 --> 01:33:42,528
# Oh, yeah
1599
01:33:46,460 --> 01:33:48,288
# Right now
1600
01:33:53,519 --> 01:33:57,045
# Oh, oo, oh
1601
01:33:59,557 --> 01:34:03,733
# Oh, oo, oh #
117802
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