Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:14,891 --> 00:00:17,351
♪♪ [Rock 'N' Roll]
2
00:00:21,398 --> 00:00:26,148
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
3
00:00:26,236 --> 00:00:29,856
♪ I'm gonna miss you so ♪
4
00:00:29,948 --> 00:00:34,368
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
5
00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:37,162
♪ Why'd ya have to go ♪
6
00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:40,168
[Girls]
♪ Bye, bye ♪
[ Sobs]
7
00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:44,801
♪ No more sunshine ♪
♪ Sunshine ♪
8
00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:48,511
♪ It's followed you away ♪
♪ You away♪
9
00:00:48,633 --> 00:00:52,853
♪ I'll cry, Birdie ♪
♪ Birdie♪
10
00:00:52,929 --> 00:00:56,429
♪ Till you're home to stay ♪
11
00:00:56,516 --> 00:01:00,646
♪ I'll miss the way you smile
As though it's just for me ♪
12
00:01:00,729 --> 00:01:06,319
♪ And each and every night
I'll write you faithfully ♪
13
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:11,990
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
14
00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:15,663
♪ It's awful hard to bear ♪
15
00:01:15,744 --> 00:01:20,084
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
16
00:01:20,165 --> 00:01:24,375
♪ Guess I'll always care ♪
17
00:01:24,461 --> 00:01:28,631
♪ Guess I'll always care ♪
18
00:01:28,715 --> 00:01:32,585
♪ Guess I'll always care ♪♪
19
00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:47,570
[ Girls Screaming ]
20
00:02:08,213 --> 00:02:10,223
[ Girls Screaming ]
21
00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:23,649
Look! Look!
22
00:02:33,071 --> 00:02:36,121
[ Chattering In Chinese ]
23
00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:43,044
I'm gonna enter you in Washington.
24
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,127
Hey! Hey!
Ho! Hey!
25
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:49,089
Look! Look! Hey!
Oooh, hey!
26
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:52,090
[Women Screaming ]
27
00:03:12,110 --> 00:03:14,650
[Girls]
♪ We love you, Conrad♪
28
00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:17,487
♪ Oh, yes, we do ♪
29
00:03:17,574 --> 00:03:20,204
♪ We love you, Conrad♪
30
00:03:20,285 --> 00:03:22,995
♪ And we'll be true ♪
31
00:03:23,079 --> 00:03:25,999
♪ When you're not near us ♪
32
00:03:26,082 --> 00:03:28,752
♪ We're blue ♪
33
00:03:28,835 --> 00:03:34,125
♪ Oh, Conrad
We love you ♪
34
00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,885
♪ We love you, Conrad ♪
35
00:03:36,968 --> 00:03:39,598
This is John Daly reporting
with the CBS mobile unit...
36
00:03:39,679 --> 00:03:42,179
in front of
the nation's capital...
37
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:46,805
bringing you special
on-the-spot coverage
of our current teenage crisis...
38
00:03:46,895 --> 00:03:49,435
over the drafting
of Conrad Birdie.
39
00:03:49,522 --> 00:03:53,402
Sociologists agree
that Birdie is a phenomenon.
40
00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:57,414
And for those few music lovers
who have never attended
one of his concerts,
41
00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:01,488
here are some news photos
tracing his meteoric rise.
42
00:04:43,868 --> 00:04:47,828
And that‒ that is
our army's newest weapon.
43
00:04:47,914 --> 00:04:51,544
Private Birdie reports
for his induction in ten days.
44
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:55,756
His income drops from
two million dollars a year...
45
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:58,008
to $78 a month.
46
00:04:58,091 --> 00:05:01,221
It could only happen
in America.
47
00:05:04,514 --> 00:05:06,644
Why?
48
00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:09,394
Why did they
have to draft him?
49
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:12,307
Just when I finally write
a song he's gonna do.
50
00:05:12,397 --> 00:05:14,647
The title song
of his next picture.
51
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:17,572
"Mumbo Jumbo Gooey Gumbo."
52
00:05:17,652 --> 00:05:19,992
Now there's no picture.
53
00:05:20,071 --> 00:05:22,571
There's nothing.
54
00:05:26,119 --> 00:05:31,459
Albert, I have
your financial statement
if you really want to hear it.
55
00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:35,132
Total assets: $312.08.
[ Coughing ]
56
00:05:35,253 --> 00:05:38,803
Liabilities:
$4,030.
[ Choking ]
57
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:40,801
You‒
58
00:05:44,804 --> 00:05:47,774
Confidentially,
you're a fiscal fiasco.
59
00:05:47,849 --> 00:05:49,769
Good-bye, Albert.
60
00:05:49,851 --> 00:05:52,401
It's a sad ending
to a long association.
61
00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:55,608
Yeah. Oh, don't you wanna
say good-bye to Pidge?
62
00:06:01,696 --> 00:06:05,946
Almaelou's busted, Pidge.
Better get yourself
another meal ticket.
63
00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:10,830
In six years,
I never sold one lousy song.
64
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:13,463
Maybe they weren't
lousy enough.
65
00:06:15,835 --> 00:06:19,835
I don't care so much
about myself,
66
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:22,552
but I'm my mother's
sole support.
67
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,093
I've wasted every cent
my father left Mama‒
68
00:06:25,178 --> 00:06:28,218
It's not your fault.
Your mother wants you
to be a songwriter.
69
00:06:28,306 --> 00:06:31,596
You can make a good living
as a biochemist.
70
00:06:31,684 --> 00:06:35,774
That's a wonderful profession.
But Mama, she wants‒
71
00:06:35,855 --> 00:06:41,145
Just because she was once
in vaudeville doesn't mean that
you belong in show business.
72
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:45,735
Confidentially,
I respect my mother,
but I do what I want.
73
00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:49,493
Well, Mama's sensitive.
When I upset her, she faints.
74
00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:53,657
Why, with your ideas,
you can make a fortune
in chemistry.
75
00:06:53,748 --> 00:06:57,918
Chemistry. Chemistry.
Chemistry!
76
00:06:58,002 --> 00:07:01,422
You sound like Rosie.
Where is she? Where's Rosie?
77
00:07:01,506 --> 00:07:05,756
She phoned. She heard about
Birdie being drafted. Said she
was gonna see Ed Sullivan.
78
00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:08,013
Sure, to get another job.
79
00:07:08,096 --> 00:07:12,596
Oh, fine secretary.
Why, we have been
practically engaged!
80
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,943
Just waiting for an okay
from Mama.
81
00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:17,609
Now when I hit bottom,
Rosie deserts me.
82
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:20,608
Quits before
my body's even warm.
83
00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:22,611
Ed Sullivan!
84
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:27,530
Would you send in
Rosie De Leon, please.
85
00:07:29,784 --> 00:07:33,624
[ Sighs ]
I-Is it yes, Mr. Sullivan?
It's just got to be yes.
86
00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:35,714
Rosie, it is yes.
87
00:07:35,790 --> 00:07:38,790
Oh, hallelujah!
Oh, I love you!
88
00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:41,956
Oh, that's marvelous!
Oh, I love you too!
I'm so glad!
89
00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:45,006
Miss De Leon.
I'd like you to meet
our producer Bob Precht.
90
00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:48,053
Oh, hi, how are you?
Well,
it's my pleasure.
91
00:07:48,136 --> 00:07:51,006
You know, Rosie, if you
can overcome your shyness,
tell me,
92
00:07:51,097 --> 00:07:53,977
what's our using Birdie
on the show got to do
with you?
93
00:07:54,058 --> 00:07:58,228
Let's face it, I'm a scheming woman.
I have a promotion idea
that'll knock you out.
94
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,652
If you buy it,
I want a little favor.
95
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,691
All right,
let's try it on for size.
96
00:08:02,775 --> 00:08:05,855
How'd you like a terrific
buildup before the show...
97
00:08:05,945 --> 00:08:08,865
that'll have every TV set
tuned in to you next Sunday?
98
00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:11,828
We will have. After all, we've got
the Moscow Ballet and Birdie.
99
00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:14,079
This is bigger.
Bigger.
100
00:08:14,162 --> 00:08:18,122
Before Conrad Birdie goes into
the army, he bestows a farewell
kiss on all the swooning girls...
101
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:21,037
who worship him
on your TV show.
102
00:08:21,127 --> 00:08:24,547
After all, it's only
an hour show and Birdie
only gets four minutes.
103
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:27,300
He kisses them all
symbolically.
104
00:08:27,425 --> 00:08:29,255
What'd you say?
Symbolically.
105
00:08:29,385 --> 00:08:32,845
Actually, he'll
only kiss one girl.
He kisses only one girl?
106
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:35,600
Can't you see it? Birdie,
their idol, their leader,
107
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,943
kissing one fabulously
lucky teenage tessie?
108
00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:40,610
Yeah!
It'll melt every bobby pin
in America.
109
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:44,068
It's gigantic! The newspapers'll eat it up.
Think of the advance publicity.
110
00:08:44,192 --> 00:08:48,572
Rosie, get Birdie's fan club file
right away, and get us a girl from Ohio.
Gotcha.
111
00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:51,204
Bob, we'll do it from the stage
of the outdoor theater,
112
00:08:51,324 --> 00:08:53,624
Columbus, Ohio,
right after the Ballet.
I'll get the girl.
113
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:56,201
The network will handle
all the physical details.
114
00:08:56,287 --> 00:08:59,367
And after the kiss,
Birdie sings a big song.
115
00:08:59,457 --> 00:09:01,997
And that's where
Rosie gets her payoff.
116
00:09:02,126 --> 00:09:04,246
I don't get it.
The song is
"One Last Kiss."
117
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,758
Never heard of it.
Hasn't been written yet.
118
00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:09,219
And who is going
to write this classic?
119
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:12,050
Who else,
but my future husband,
Mr. Albert F. Peterson?
120
00:09:12,178 --> 00:09:15,428
Who else?
Birdie's been wanting to give
Albert a break for six years.
121
00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:17,734
I know he'll use the song
if you say so.
122
00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:20,388
Okay, in a spot like this,
any song will do,
123
00:09:20,478 --> 00:09:23,228
even though it's written
by your ever-loving Albert.
124
00:09:23,314 --> 00:09:27,404
- Thank you, Mr. Sullivan.
- With a plug like this, that
song'll sell a million records.
125
00:09:27,485 --> 00:09:29,395
Man, what royalties!
126
00:09:29,487 --> 00:09:31,357
Well, we can sure
use the money.
127
00:09:31,489 --> 00:09:35,079
Any day now, Albert and I will
have another mouth to feed.
[Sullivan] Rosie.
128
00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:38,499
- You're not even married yet.
- His mother.
129
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,499
Oh?
Bye.
130
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:42,921
Carmine, get me the publishing
department right away!
131
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,630
This batch'll do.
Get 'em ready for mailing
right away.
132
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,512
Hi, Marge.
Hi.
133
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:51,721
I need one of your fans
from Ohio.
You can have 'em all.
134
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,262
Try file number six.
Okay.
135
00:09:54,345 --> 00:09:58,515
Uh, six‒ Here we go.
I'm about to make some
ga-ga little goof a queen.
136
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,519
Ohhh.
137
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,979
Hey, cute.
138
00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:10,704
Long distance. I want, uh...
Miss Kim McAfee, Sweet Apple
135, Sweet Apple, Ohio.
139
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:14,238
Oh, Marge, it's amazing
what a woman has to do
to get a man to marry her.
140
00:10:14,365 --> 00:10:17,115
You mean you doped
Albert's mother?
[ Laughs ] No.
141
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:19,791
But if this doesn't work,
that's my next move.
142
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:22,960
What, operator?
The line's busy.
Well, um, uh, never mind.
143
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,880
I'll try later.
Thank you.
144
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,920
Oh, Marge, right now, there's
a kid named Kim McAfee...
145
00:10:29,005 --> 00:10:31,795
in Sweet Apple, Ohio,
gabbing on the telephone,
146
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:36,222
but little does she realize
I'm about to make her immortal.
[ Chuckles]
147
00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:43,098
[ Girl ]
Hello?
Hello, Urse? This is Kim.
148
00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:46,855
And if I don't tell somebody,
I'm just gonna burst.
149
00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:50,319
So, Ursula, you are
the very first to know.
150
00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:53,451
I just got pinned
by Hugo Peabody.
151
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:57,949
Oh, no!
Kim McAfee, you didn't!
You really got pinned?
152
00:10:58,034 --> 00:11:02,084
You mean you and Hugo have
a permanent understanding?
153
00:11:02,163 --> 00:11:06,133
Uh-huh. Oh, it's Hugo
and I... forever.
154
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,798
Crazy, crazy!
Tell me, Kim.
155
00:11:09,879 --> 00:11:14,839
How do you absolutely feel...
in your deepest, secret soul?
156
00:11:16,635 --> 00:11:20,135
It's like‒
It's like I've been reborn.
157
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:24,812
It's like all my life
until this very moment,
I was nothing.
158
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:27,765
It's like‒
Kim, I must use the phone.
I've got to call Grandma.
159
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,855
In a second, Mom.
Hey, listen, Ursula,
I'm gonna have to get off.
160
00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:33,443
Where was I?
You were nothing.
161
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:37,367
Oh, yeah.
And now I'm alive.
162
00:11:37,448 --> 00:11:39,408
Fulfilled.
163
00:11:39,492 --> 00:11:42,372
Now I know what it means
to be a woman.
164
00:11:42,453 --> 00:11:44,543
It should
only happen to me.
165
00:11:44,622 --> 00:11:47,382
Kim, where did
he pin you?
166
00:11:47,458 --> 00:11:51,338
On the back seat.
Oh, bless that lovely
yellow school bus.
167
00:11:51,462 --> 00:11:55,382
Kim, hurry, please.
Yeah, hang up, Kim,
so I can spread the word.
168
00:11:55,466 --> 00:11:57,426
Okay, bye, Urse.
169
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:09,397
[Phone Ringing]
170
00:12:11,357 --> 00:12:14,737
[ Ursula ]
♪ Hi, Nancy ♪
♪ Hi, Ursula ♪
171
00:12:14,819 --> 00:12:16,739
♪ What's the story
morning glory ♪
172
00:12:16,821 --> 00:12:18,741
♪ What's the tale
nightingale ♪
173
00:12:18,823 --> 00:12:21,913
- ♪ Did you hear about Hugo and Kim ♪
- ♪ Hi, Margie ♪
174
00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:25,962
♪ Hi, Alice
What's the story
morning glory ♪
175
00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:30,038
♪ What's the word, hummingbird
Have you heard about
Hugo and Kim ♪
176
00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:33,706
[All Girls ]
♪ Did they really get pinned
Did she kiss him and cry ♪
177
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:36,876
♪ Did he pin the pin on
Or was he too shy ♪
178
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,257
♪ Well, I heard
they got pinned ♪
[ Boys] ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
179
00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:41,255
♪ I was hopin' they would ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
180
00:12:41,387 --> 00:12:43,967
♪ Now they're livin' at last
Goin' steady for good ♪
♪ He's gone ♪
181
00:12:44,056 --> 00:12:47,556
♪ Hello, Mr. Henkel
This is Harvey Johnson ♪
182
00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:50,863
[Voice Cracking ]
♪ Can I talk to Penelope Ann ♪
183
00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:52,860
♪ Is it true about Kim ♪
♪ Penelope ♪
184
00:12:52,982 --> 00:12:54,862
♪ I just knew it somehow ♪
♪ About the prom ♪
185
00:12:54,984 --> 00:12:57,704
♪ I must call her right up
I can't talk to you now ♪
♪ Saturday ♪
186
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,953
♪ Goin' steady ♪
[ Boys ]
♪ You know it, man ♪
187
00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:03,954
♪ Goin' steady ♪
♪ It's crazy, man ♪
188
00:13:04,076 --> 00:13:05,786
♪ Goin' steady ♪
♪ You know it ♪
189
00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:09,170
- ♪ It won't last ♪
- ♪ Not at all ♪
190
00:13:09,248 --> 00:13:12,208
- ♪ He's too thin ♪
- ♪ She's too tall ♪
191
00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:15,883
♪ Hello, Mrs. Miller
This is Harvey Johnson ♪
192
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:20,183
[Voice Cracking ]
♪ Can I speak to Debra Sue ♪
193
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:25,889
♪ Hiya, Hugo
Hiya, stupid ♪
194
00:13:26,015 --> 00:13:29,555
♪ What'd ya wanna
go get pinned for ♪
♪ You don't know how to live ♪
195
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,563
♪ You meathead ♪
♪ You'd get pinned
if you could ♪
196
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,555
♪ Lost your marbles ♪
♪ Kim and I are in love ♪
197
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:36,527
- ♪ Are you nutty ♪
- ♪ Goin' steady for‒ ♪
- ♪ Hello, Mrs. Garfein ♪
198
00:13:36,609 --> 00:13:38,489
♪ Is Charity home
from school yet ♪
199
00:13:38,611 --> 00:13:41,201
♪ Did they really get pinned
Goin' steady ♪
♪ He's gone ♪
200
00:13:41,322 --> 00:13:43,282
♪ I was hopin' they would
Goin' steady ♪
♪ He's gone ♪
201
00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,827
♪ They're livin' at last
Goin' steady for good ♪
♪ She nailed him ♪
202
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:49,000
♪ If ya gotta go
That's the way to go ♪
203
00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:52,711
♪ When they got you hooked
Then you're really cooked ♪
♪ Ooo-ooo ♪
204
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:55,461
♪ Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do ♪
♪ Ooo-ooo ♪
205
00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:57,546
♪ Well, I heard
they got pinned ♪
♪ Oh, man ♪
206
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,551
♪ I was thinkin' they would ♪
♪ Oh, man ♪
207
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,223
♪ Now they're livin' at last
Goin' steady for good ♪
♪ Oh, man ♪
208
00:14:02,343 --> 00:14:05,803
♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady
goin' steady for good ♪
♪ Ooo, ooo, ooo ♪
209
00:14:05,930 --> 00:14:09,270
♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady
goin' steady for good♪
♪ Ooo, ooo, ooo ♪
210
00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:12,520
♪ He's in love with Kim
Kim's in love with him ♪
211
00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:16,693
♪ Well, well, do tell ♪
♪ Goin' steady
Goin' steady for good ♪
212
00:14:16,774 --> 00:14:20,784
♪ Well, well, do tell ♪
♪ Goin' steady
Goin' steady for good ♪
213
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:23,613
♪ That's the way it should be
They'll be happy, I know ♪
♪ Oh yeah, oh yeah ♪
214
00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:27,159
♪ Goin' steady for me
That's the way it should go ♪
♪ Oh yeah, oh yeah ♪
215
00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:30,544
♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady ♪
♪ Goin' steady
Steady for good ♪
216
00:14:30,663 --> 00:14:34,003
♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady ♪
♪ Goin' steady
Steady for good ♪
217
00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:37,214
♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady ♪
♪ Goin' steady
Steady for ♪
218
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,214
♪ Goin' steady ♪
219
00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:43,546
♪ Oooh... yeah ♪♪
220
00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:50,886
[ Cooing ]
221
00:14:50,975 --> 00:14:53,305
Poor Pidge.
222
00:14:53,394 --> 00:14:55,314
He'll starve.
223
00:14:57,523 --> 00:15:00,733
Here, Pidge.
Here, Pidgie.
Here, boy.
224
00:15:00,818 --> 00:15:03,898
[ Humming, Gasps]
225
00:15:03,988 --> 00:15:06,738
- Albert!
- Here, Pidgie.
226
00:15:06,824 --> 00:15:10,204
Albert, no, no!
Don't jump! Don't jump!
227
00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:13,247
Albert, it's all right.
Everything's all right.
Rose. Rose.
228
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:15,420
Come on back.
Don't worry about‒
229
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:17,749
Come on.
Ooh, Albert.
230
00:15:17,835 --> 00:15:21,165
Oh. Oh.
Oh, thank heavens
I got here in time.
231
00:15:21,255 --> 00:15:23,335
You almost pushed me out.
232
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:26,385
It's all right. I just came
from Ed Sullivan's office.
Sullivan!
233
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,390
Yes.
Go to work for Ed Sullivan.
234
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:31,432
Leap from the sinking ship
while the house is on fire.
No‒
235
00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:34,055
But hear this, Miss De Leon.
I was loyal.
236
00:15:34,143 --> 00:15:37,313
All the years I've employed you,
I never looked for a job
behind your back.
237
00:15:37,438 --> 00:15:41,228
I went to Sullivan's office‒
Don't explain.
You owe me nothing.
238
00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:44,398
Even though you
were molded by me.
Molded.
239
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:47,486
Yeah, like, like that
Eliza Doolittle got moldy
from Pygmalion.
240
00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:50,445
I was molded?
Where were you when
I found you anyway?
241
00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:55,254
Hostess at La Casa Enchilada
Taco and Tamale Shop.
242
00:15:55,331 --> 00:16:00,041
Well‒ Well, sorry
I interrupted you!
243
00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:02,837
A man of my ilk
does not commit suicide.
244
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:06,591
I've had just about enough
of your kind of ilks too.
245
00:16:08,636 --> 00:16:13,386
Suicide is for cowards.
I don't desert the woman I love.
246
00:16:18,479 --> 00:16:21,609
Oh, Albert, I'm‒
I'm... sorry.
247
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,320
[ Sighs]
I should have known.
248
00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:27,533
Mama would never
get over it.
Mama?
249
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,906
Mam‒
[ Stammers, Sighs]
250
00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:36,827
What's the matter?
I'm the prize dope
of all time.
251
00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:40,214
Thinkin' I could pry you
away from your Mama's
ever-lovin' tentacles.
252
00:16:40,292 --> 00:16:44,802
Rosie, I will thank you to leave
my mother out of this. Maybe
she does influence me, slightly.
253
00:16:44,922 --> 00:16:47,682
Slightly? Ha!
She is old and frail.
254
00:16:47,758 --> 00:16:51,138
Which I will be, too, at this rate.
Oh, I don't blame you, Albert.
255
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:55,350
I was living in fantasy,
telling myself you were serious.
256
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:58,522
Oh, Rosie, I was.
257
00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:01,562
I am... in here.
258
00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:05,857
Oh, I've thought about
marrying you every day,
259
00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:08,033
a lot of nights too.
260
00:17:08,112 --> 00:17:11,872
I've spent six years
on Project Albert.
261
00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:15,789
Well, now,
I haven't got the right.
262
00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:19,916
I can't offer
you security.
263
00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:24,799
A wonderful girl
like you,
264
00:17:27,131 --> 00:17:31,551
you deserve more
from a husband than just
personality and good looks.
265
00:17:37,975 --> 00:17:41,265
But I'll always love you, Rosie.
266
00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:49,698
You'd better always
love me, you nut,
267
00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:53,823
because you're stuck
with me.
268
00:17:55,576 --> 00:18:00,326
Now, you've always worried
about repaying your mother,
right?
269
00:18:00,414 --> 00:18:03,504
Well, from now on,
she'll be set for life.
270
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:07,804
She can sit around on her big,
fat trust fund and you and I
will have our own little house‒
271
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,180
No! I don't care what Sullivan
pays you, no woman is supporting
Albert Peterson.
272
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:14,470
Oh, you're not
listening, darling.
I am not a gigolo.
273
00:18:14,553 --> 00:18:18,813
Will you get to that piano
and start composing?
274
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:22,812
Mary, I want Kim McAfee, Sweet
Apple 135, Sweet Apple, Ohio.
I'm through composing.
275
00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:24,935
I was always through,
but now I know it.
276
00:18:25,022 --> 00:18:28,072
Yeah, that's right.
You're a biochemist, but this
is one song you can sell.
277
00:18:28,192 --> 00:18:30,112
Huh?
Okay, call me back.
278
00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,905
As I was saying, huh?
Gee, you're slow today.
279
00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:36,198
Now, you are going to write
a song called "One Last Kiss."
280
00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:38,953
Is this Albert's floor
or is it the one below?
281
00:18:39,036 --> 00:18:42,996
"One Last Kiss."
Now.
282
00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:45,497
♪♪
♪ Oh, one last kiss ♪
283
00:18:45,584 --> 00:18:48,384
♪ There never was
such bliss ♪
284
00:18:48,462 --> 00:18:50,882
♪ I love your dentifrice ♪♪
285
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:53,836
Uh, oh, a little
too clinical.
Yeah, you're right.
286
00:18:53,926 --> 00:18:57,006
[ Shoes Squeaking ]
Albert!
287
00:18:57,095 --> 00:19:00,425
Mama? She's never been
to the office since
she discovered canasta.
288
00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:04,056
Well, now's a perfect time
for you to tell her
about dissolving Almaelou‒
289
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:06,314
Yeah.
290
00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,476
And about us.
Yeah.
291
00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:11,185
Albert!
292
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:14,526
Sonny! Ohh!
293
00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:16,743
Mama!
Baby!
294
00:19:16,824 --> 00:19:20,494
What a nice surprise.
And you're just in time
for some wonderful news.
295
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:22,827
- Oh!
- What's the matter?
296
00:19:22,955 --> 00:19:26,205
It's nothing, son.
I just fainted in the subway.
Mama!
297
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:28,421
But I didn't fall down.
It was too crowded.
298
00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:31,594
I keep tellin' ya,
take a taxi.
Taxis?
299
00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:34,682
Taxis are for
my successful son.
300
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:37,718
A dirty, crowded subway
is good enough for a mother.
301
00:19:37,803 --> 00:19:40,313
Mothers are nothin'
nowadays.
302
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:44,480
Who's that?
Mama, you know Rose De Leon.
And guess what?
303
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:49,230
This is that pretty
Rose De Leon?
304
00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:52,484
Oh, I don't believe it.
305
00:19:52,568 --> 00:19:55,648
Rose, what happened
to you?
306
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:58,527
Ya had a fatal sickness
or somethin'?
307
00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:01,325
It's nice
to see you again.
308
00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:04,411
[Typing ]
Always on the job.
She's a credit to the firm.
309
00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:06,916
Look at her, son.
310
00:20:06,999 --> 00:20:10,379
I wonder some older man
hasn't snatched her away.
311
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:14,260
- Personable matron.
- Mama, speaking of marriage‒
312
00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:18,889
Wonderful institution.
Your poor father and I,
that was a marriage.
313
00:20:18,969 --> 00:20:21,389
May he rest in peace.
314
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:25,811
Don't worry, Lou.
Our only child
is taking care of me.
315
00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:29,563
He'd never do anything
to break my heart.
What about marriage?
316
00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:32,688
Well, if it was good enough
for you and Papa, it's‒
In time.
317
00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:36,494
You're just a baby.
318
00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:40,031
[Phone Ringing]
319
00:20:40,115 --> 00:20:43,405
Hello?
Yes, operator,
I'll hold on.
320
00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:46,873
I'm thinking
of dissolving Almaelou.
321
00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:49,625
Wait, Lou. I'm comin'.
I'll be right up there.
322
00:20:49,708 --> 00:20:51,878
We can play canasta again.
323
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:55,462
Mama. Mama, forget it.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry?
324
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:59,217
Good-bye, sonny.
Take care of yourself.
Think of me on Mother's Day.
325
00:20:59,343 --> 00:21:01,223
Good-bye, Rosie.
Good-bye, Mae.
326
00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:04,973
Call me Mrs. Peterson.
Wear your rubbers.
327
00:21:05,057 --> 00:21:07,597
That's right, operator.
Miss Kim McAfee.
328
00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:10,194
[ Shoes Squeaking ]
329
00:21:13,857 --> 00:21:17,437
I'll tell her, Rosie,
tonight.
330
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:20,447
It's entirely up to you, Albert.
The line is still busy?
331
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:23,330
Yes, Hugo. Mm-hmm.
332
00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:26,948
Well, of course I'll always
wear it, on everything.
333
00:21:27,037 --> 00:21:31,207
Oh, except my gym blouse.
Miss Turgnisht won't allow it.
334
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:36,841
Tonight? Well, I have
no plans. I think I can
get out till about ten.
335
00:21:36,922 --> 00:21:39,972
Oh, you have to
be in by nine.
336
00:21:40,050 --> 00:21:42,300
Well, c'est la vie.
337
00:21:42,386 --> 00:21:44,886
Until tonight then,
mon amour.
338
00:21:44,972 --> 00:21:46,892
Bye.
339
00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:58,651
♪ When you're
a skinny child of 15 ♪
340
00:21:58,735 --> 00:22:02,195
♪ Wired with braces
from ear to ear ♪
341
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:07,450
♪ You doubt that you
will ever be appealing ♪
342
00:22:09,579 --> 00:22:14,379
♪ Then hallelujah
You are 16 and
the braces disappear ♪
343
00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:16,999
♪ And your skin
is smooth and clear ♪
344
00:22:17,087 --> 00:22:21,167
♪ And you have
that happy grown-up ♪
345
00:22:21,258 --> 00:22:24,468
♪ Female feeling ♪
346
00:22:31,852 --> 00:22:34,982
♪ How lovely to be
a woman ♪
347
00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:38,153
♪ The wait was
well worthwhile ♪
348
00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:41,533
♪ How lovely
to wear mascara ♪
349
00:22:41,611 --> 00:22:44,741
♪ And smile
a woman's smile ♪
350
00:22:44,823 --> 00:22:48,123
♪ How lovely
to have a figure ♪
351
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:51,201
♪ That's round
instead of flat ♪
352
00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:54,708
♪ Whenever you hear
boys whistle ♪
353
00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:57,341
♪ You're what
they're whistling at ♪
354
00:22:57,419 --> 00:23:00,299
♪ It's wonderful to feel ♪
355
00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:03,880
♪ The way a woman feels ♪
356
00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:06,047
♪ It gives you
such a glow ♪
357
00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:10,426
♪ Just to know you're wearing
lipstick and heels ♪
358
00:23:11,475 --> 00:23:14,555
♪ How lovely
to be a woman ♪
359
00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:17,734
♪ And have one job to do ♪
360
00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:21,074
♪ To pick out a boy
and train him ♪
361
00:23:21,151 --> 00:23:24,321
♪ And then when
you are through ♪
362
00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:27,574
♪ You've made him the man
you want him ♪
363
00:23:27,657 --> 00:23:30,577
♪ To be ♪
364
00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:34,160
♪ How lovely
to be a woman ♪
365
00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:36,707
♪ Like me ♪
366
00:23:36,792 --> 00:23:40,002
♪ How wonderful to know ♪
367
00:23:40,087 --> 00:23:43,257
♪ The things a woman knows ♪
368
00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:47,140
♪ How marvelous to wait
for a date ♪
369
00:23:47,219 --> 00:23:50,389
♪ In simply beautiful clothes ♪
370
00:23:50,472 --> 00:23:53,892
♪ How lovely
to be a woman ♪
371
00:23:53,975 --> 00:23:57,015
♪ And change
from boys to men ♪
372
00:23:57,104 --> 00:24:00,324
♪ To go to
a fancy nightclub ♪
373
00:24:00,398 --> 00:24:03,738
♪ And stay out
after ten ♪
374
00:24:03,819 --> 00:24:06,949
♪ How lovely to be
so grown-up ♪
375
00:24:07,030 --> 00:24:09,870
♪ And free ♪
376
00:24:11,743 --> 00:24:13,833
[Zipper Zips]
377
00:24:13,912 --> 00:24:19,082
♪ Life's lovely
when you're a woman ♪
378
00:24:20,418 --> 00:24:25,008
♪ Like me ♪♪
379
00:24:37,769 --> 00:24:40,109
[Phone Ringing]
380
00:24:40,188 --> 00:24:44,278
[ Woman]
Hello? Oh. Oh,
hold on, operator.
381
00:24:44,401 --> 00:24:47,571
Oh, Kim, it's for you.
She says it's long distance.
Thank you, Doris.
382
00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:50,534
Who could be calling‒
Did you say "Doris"?
383
00:24:50,615 --> 00:24:54,575
It's the modern way, dear.
It makes mother and daughter
more like friends.
384
00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:58,461
Harry, I think you took
the news about Hugo and I
awfully well. Hello?
385
00:24:58,582 --> 00:25:00,672
She called you "Harry."
Yeah.
386
00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:05,302
Yes, this is Miss Kim McAfee.
Yesterday I was a mother.
Today I'm a friend.
387
00:25:05,422 --> 00:25:10,222
Yes, I'll hold on.
Maybe you could call me "Mom"?
That's modern.
388
00:25:10,302 --> 00:25:12,972
[ Groans ]
Times are changing.
389
00:25:13,054 --> 00:25:16,604
You go along or else
you're out of it.
390
00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:18,893
Harry, do you
have a cigarette?
I've run out.
391
00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:21,187
So have I.
How 'bout my pipe?
392
00:25:21,271 --> 00:25:23,191
[ Coughs]
Hello?
Hello?
393
00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:26,363
Kim McAfee, I have
a great surprise.
Harry. Kids.
394
00:25:26,443 --> 00:25:29,863
You have been selected
from all the teenagers
in the United States...
395
00:25:29,946 --> 00:25:34,026
to be kissed by Conrad Birdie
on The Ed Sullivan Show
this Sunday night.
396
00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:36,237
We'll be in touch.
Good-bye.
[ Receiver Clicks ]
397
00:25:36,328 --> 00:25:39,708
Conrad Birdie?
398
00:25:39,789 --> 00:25:43,249
[Slams Receiver]
To kiss me?
399
00:25:43,335 --> 00:25:46,875
Ohhh. Doris!
400
00:25:49,257 --> 00:25:53,087
Mother?
Mommy! Mommy!
401
00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:56,470
Baby, what happened?
Mommy, Conrad Birdie's
coming here to kiss me!
402
00:25:56,598 --> 00:25:59,478
Oh, isn't that nice.
Sit down.
But you don't understand.
403
00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:02,941
Conrad Birdie's coming
to Sweet Apple to kiss me!
Oh, baby.
404
00:26:03,021 --> 00:26:05,151
Oh, Mommy!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
405
00:26:05,232 --> 00:26:09,072
Well, I never thought I'd say it,
but God bless Conrad Birdie.
406
00:26:09,152 --> 00:26:13,952
[ Screaming Hysterically]
Oh, Conrad Birdie! Oh!
407
00:26:14,032 --> 00:26:17,872
Conrad Birdie's coming here
to kiss me!
408
00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:22,616
[Plane Roaring Overhead]
409
00:26:27,295 --> 00:26:30,965
Now, listen.
The absolute instant he appears,
410
00:26:31,049 --> 00:26:34,009
now, I'll introduce Kim
to him.
411
00:26:34,094 --> 00:26:38,314
And then we'll all recite
our Pledge Of Everlasting
Loyalty.
412
00:26:38,431 --> 00:26:42,391
The plane!
The plane's almost landed!
[ Screaming ]
413
00:26:43,728 --> 00:26:45,648
♪♪ [ Blowing Pitch Pipe ]
414
00:26:45,730 --> 00:26:49,360
♪ We love you, Conrad
Oh, yes, we do ♪
415
00:26:49,442 --> 00:26:53,242
♪ We love you, Conrad
and we'll be true ♪
416
00:26:53,321 --> 00:26:56,741
♪ When you're not near us
We're blue ♪
417
00:26:56,825 --> 00:27:00,285
♪ Oh, Conrad
We love you ♪
418
00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:04,290
♪ We hate you, Conrad
Oh, yes, we do ♪
419
00:27:04,374 --> 00:27:08,094
♪ We don't hate anyone
as much as you ♪
420
00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:11,799
♪ You're singing
makes us say "p-u" ♪
421
00:27:11,881 --> 00:27:15,301
♪ Oh, Conrad
We hate you ♪
422
00:27:15,385 --> 00:27:19,305
♪ We love you, Conrad
Oh, yes, we do ♪
423
00:27:19,389 --> 00:27:22,849
♪ We don't hate anyone
as much as you ♪
424
00:27:22,934 --> 00:27:26,864
♪ When you're not near us
We're blue ♪
425
00:27:26,938 --> 00:27:30,108
- ♪ Oh, Conrad ♪
- ♪ Oh, Conrad ♪
426
00:27:30,233 --> 00:27:33,453
♪ We love you ♪♪
♪ We hate you ♪♪
427
00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:37,775
Hugo wants to talk
to Kim.
428
00:27:37,866 --> 00:27:40,906
Uh, that‒ that's if
it's okay with Kim.
429
00:27:41,036 --> 00:27:45,246
Certainly, Hugo.
Uh, well, Kim‒
430
00:27:45,332 --> 00:27:47,252
Yes?
431
00:27:53,590 --> 00:27:56,890
[ Crowd ]
Aw!
432
00:27:59,429 --> 00:28:01,559
Hugo, what do you want?
433
00:28:03,933 --> 00:28:07,483
Gee, Kim, the fellas
are making me do this,
434
00:28:07,562 --> 00:28:09,982
but just the same,
they're right.
435
00:28:10,065 --> 00:28:12,225
Kim, you can't go
through with this.
436
00:28:12,317 --> 00:28:14,357
Hugo, please be mature.
437
00:28:14,444 --> 00:28:17,364
Well, gee, doesn't
gettin' pinned mean
anything these days?
438
00:28:17,447 --> 00:28:21,867
Ohh. It means everything.
It's sacred.
439
00:28:21,951 --> 00:28:26,711
Well, then how can you
let another man kiss you?
A-And in public?
440
00:28:26,831 --> 00:28:30,041
I assure you,
I won't even feel it.
Huh?
441
00:28:30,168 --> 00:28:32,918
I'm just a symbol.
A symbol?
442
00:28:34,422 --> 00:28:38,342
Ah, don't you see?
This is bigger than us.
443
00:28:38,468 --> 00:28:42,308
Why, all this publicity
for Sweet Apple.
Yeah.
444
00:28:42,389 --> 00:28:44,809
Thousands of people
will move here.
445
00:28:44,891 --> 00:28:48,231
We'll have
a population explosion.
446
00:28:48,311 --> 00:28:53,191
And just think what
this'll do for your father's
undertaking business.
447
00:28:55,985 --> 00:28:58,905
Hey! Hey, yeah,
you're right.
Yeah.
448
00:29:01,324 --> 00:29:05,334
But you really don't go
for that Birdie creep.
Do ya?
449
00:29:06,830 --> 00:29:08,960
What do my eyes tell you?
450
00:29:17,340 --> 00:29:20,090
[ Sighs ]
No, you don't.
I can see you're all mine.
451
00:29:20,176 --> 00:29:22,676
Forever.
452
00:29:22,762 --> 00:29:25,352
Starting right after
The Ed Sullivan Show
on Sunday night.
453
00:29:26,850 --> 00:29:29,690
Right after
The Ed Sullivan Show
on Sunday night.
454
00:29:31,229 --> 00:29:33,649
- Hey, we'll be late!
- [ Girls Gasp ]
455
00:29:33,731 --> 00:29:38,531
One, two, three‒
♪ We love you, Conrad
Oh, yes, we do ♪
456
00:29:38,611 --> 00:29:42,031
♪ We love you, Conrad
and we'll be true ♪
457
00:29:42,115 --> 00:29:45,945
- ♪ When you're not ne‒ ♪♪
- ♪ When you're not near us
we're blue ♪
458
00:29:46,077 --> 00:29:49,037
[ Clears Throat]
♪ Oh, Conrad
We love you♪♪
459
00:29:52,750 --> 00:29:56,340
Well, uh, I told her off, guys.
She knows where I stand.
460
00:29:56,463 --> 00:30:00,133
But she's leaving.
Yeah, but that's only to make
the population explode.
461
00:30:00,216 --> 00:30:02,506
Anyone for the reception,
kids?
462
00:30:02,594 --> 00:30:05,564
Gee, Mr. Paisley,
we think you're okay, even
if you are the English teacher.
463
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:09,230
Well, it should be
a fascinating experience.
Yeah, but are you with them?
464
00:30:09,350 --> 00:30:13,020
With "them"?
Yeah, that Birdie creep.
He's poisoned our women.
465
00:30:13,104 --> 00:30:16,114
It's bad enough
the Mayor's a fink,
but you, Mr. Paisley.
466
00:30:16,191 --> 00:30:19,991
Well, you see, fellas,
as a teacher and a brand-new
American citizen...
467
00:30:20,069 --> 00:30:21,989
with an unquenchable
thirst for knowledge,
468
00:30:22,071 --> 00:30:26,161
I feel I should witness
this unique, sociological
phenomenon, hmm?
469
00:30:28,786 --> 00:30:31,576
Yeah, guys, suppose I‒
suppose I did let Kim kiss him.
470
00:30:31,664 --> 00:30:34,254
I only wanna see‒
[ Stammering ]
a, uh, um, unique‒
471
00:30:34,334 --> 00:30:38,134
a so‒ uh, soci‒
phenomenon.
472
00:30:39,339 --> 00:30:41,259
[Girls Screaming]
Hugo the fink!
473
00:30:42,550 --> 00:30:44,550
So long, fink!
Fink!
474
00:30:44,636 --> 00:30:47,596
[Boys Shouting]
Fink! What a fink!
475
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,600
[Girls Continue Screaming]
476
00:30:50,683 --> 00:30:52,943
♪♪ [Marching Band]
477
00:30:57,524 --> 00:31:01,994
Here are the gentlemen from the press.
I'll handle them. You go find the Mayor.
478
00:31:02,111 --> 00:31:06,741
We want him!
We want him!
[ Muffled ] Kim. Kim.
479
00:31:06,824 --> 00:31:09,834
[Whistles ]
Here's your speech.
Learn it, and hurry.
480
00:31:09,911 --> 00:31:12,961
We want him!
We want him!
481
00:31:13,039 --> 00:31:16,249
We want him!
We want him!
482
00:31:16,334 --> 00:31:18,804
[Photographer]
Look this way, please.
483
00:31:20,338 --> 00:31:22,548
[ Reporter]
What's your name?
Conrad Birdie.
484
00:31:22,632 --> 00:31:24,552
No, no, your name.
Oh.
485
00:31:24,634 --> 00:31:28,564
Um, um... McAfee.
Kim.
486
00:31:28,638 --> 00:31:30,558
Kim McAfee.
Oh.
487
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,140
She doesn't even
know her name.
488
00:31:33,226 --> 00:31:36,976
♪♪ [Marching Drums]
489
00:31:37,063 --> 00:31:40,073
[Girls]
We want him!
We want him!
490
00:31:40,149 --> 00:31:43,489
We want him!
We want him!
We want him. Eeew!
491
00:31:43,570 --> 00:31:46,320
We want him!
We want him!
492
00:31:46,406 --> 00:31:49,526
We want him!
We want him!
493
00:31:49,659 --> 00:31:53,079
I beg your pardon. May I add
a welcome from Sweet Apple.
Oh.
494
00:31:53,162 --> 00:31:55,962
I'm Claude Paisley.
Kim McAfee's my student
in English.
495
00:31:56,082 --> 00:31:59,542
Oh, how do you do?
I'm Rose De Leon.
Nice to know you.
496
00:31:59,627 --> 00:32:02,417
- Uh, and you're, uh‒
- Hugo.
497
00:32:03,798 --> 00:32:07,178
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I couldn't hear you.
- Hugo Fink.
498
00:32:07,260 --> 00:32:09,350
Oh, hello, Mr. Fink.
How are you?
499
00:32:09,429 --> 00:32:15,139
Please don't think me forward,
but if you should have any
spare time during your visit,
500
00:32:15,226 --> 00:32:18,436
I-I'd appreciate discussing
Mr. Birdie with you.
501
00:32:18,521 --> 00:32:20,651
Well, uh...
502
00:32:20,732 --> 00:32:23,282
I'm afraid
I'll be very busy.
503
00:32:23,359 --> 00:32:25,449
Uh, but thank you.
504
00:32:25,528 --> 00:32:28,488
[ Shoes Squeaking ]
505
00:32:29,616 --> 00:32:32,826
Ow! Watch it, rube,
don't bend the fur.
506
00:32:32,910 --> 00:32:34,830
He's coming!
507
00:32:34,912 --> 00:32:38,462
- Look, everybody, he's coming!
Here he comes!
- [Motorcycles Roaring]
508
00:32:45,506 --> 00:32:48,636
♪♪ [Marching Band]
509
00:32:48,718 --> 00:32:52,388
♪ We love you, Conrad
Oh, yes, we do ♪
510
00:32:52,472 --> 00:32:56,352
♪ We love you, Conrad
and we'll be true ♪
511
00:32:56,434 --> 00:33:00,234
♪ When you're not near us
we're blue ♪
512
00:33:00,313 --> 00:33:04,983
♪ Oh, Conrad
We love you ♪
513
00:33:05,068 --> 00:33:08,988
♪ We love you, Conrad
Oh, yes, we do ♪
514
00:33:09,072 --> 00:33:12,492
♪ We love you, Conrad
and we'll be true ♪
515
00:33:12,575 --> 00:33:16,995
♪ When you're not near us
we're blue ♪
516
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:21,130
♪ Oh, Conrad
We love you ♪♪
517
00:33:21,209 --> 00:33:24,129
[ Girls Cheering ]
518
00:33:32,470 --> 00:33:35,430
[Girls Screaming,
Gasping, Sighing]
519
00:33:37,433 --> 00:33:40,023
[Girls Sighing]
520
00:33:44,107 --> 00:33:49,027
Before you hear from the girl
upon whom you have chosen...
521
00:33:49,112 --> 00:33:53,072
to bestow your final kiss upon,
we will now recite
the Conrad Birdie pledge.
522
00:33:53,157 --> 00:33:55,117
[ Screaming ]
523
00:33:56,285 --> 00:34:00,035
I, being of sound mind
and body,
524
00:34:00,123 --> 00:34:02,133
do hereby promise...
525
00:34:02,208 --> 00:34:06,878
to be loyal, courteous,
steadfast and true...
526
00:34:06,963 --> 00:34:11,383
to Conrad Birdie and
the United States of America,
527
00:34:11,467 --> 00:34:13,387
both indivisible,
528
00:34:13,469 --> 00:34:16,259
with liberty
and justice for all.
529
00:34:16,347 --> 00:34:18,887
[ Cheering, Screaming ]
530
00:34:21,310 --> 00:34:24,900
As the fortunate girl
whom you have selected...
531
00:34:24,981 --> 00:34:27,901
to represent
all my fellow girls,
532
00:34:27,984 --> 00:34:31,074
I welcome you.
[ Screaming ]
533
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:46,000
[ Screaming Continues]
534
00:34:52,884 --> 00:34:55,264
[Screaming Stops]
Now, Mayor, now.
Oh.
535
00:34:55,344 --> 00:34:59,434
[Clears Throat]
And now I present
this key to our city,
536
00:34:59,515 --> 00:35:03,765
to our honored guest,
uh, Conrad Birdie.
537
00:35:03,853 --> 00:35:05,813
[ Hysterical Scream ]
538
00:35:05,897 --> 00:35:08,937
He said it!
He said the name!
539
00:35:09,025 --> 00:35:11,735
[ Screaming ]
540
00:35:11,819 --> 00:35:14,449
What happened?
All I said was "Conrad Birdie."
541
00:35:14,530 --> 00:35:17,280
[ Screaming ]
542
00:35:17,366 --> 00:35:21,656
Now, now, girls, you're gonna
have to stop that, or I‒
or I can't finish my speech.
543
00:35:21,746 --> 00:35:24,536
Who cares
about your speech?
544
00:35:24,624 --> 00:35:27,544
We wanna hear Conrad!
545
00:35:27,627 --> 00:35:30,837
[Girls Sighing]
546
00:35:32,465 --> 00:35:34,505
He's not so much.
547
00:35:36,969 --> 00:35:39,009
♪♪
548
00:35:39,096 --> 00:35:42,806
♪ You gotta be sincere ♪
549
00:35:42,892 --> 00:35:46,062
Ohhh.
Edna! What's wrong?
550
00:35:46,145 --> 00:35:47,605
♪ Ya gotta be sincere ♪
551
00:35:49,106 --> 00:35:52,026
Birdie! What are you doing?
552
00:35:52,109 --> 00:35:54,449
♪ Ya gotta feel it here ♪
553
00:35:54,529 --> 00:35:57,069
♪ 'Cause if you
feel it here ♪
554
00:35:57,156 --> 00:35:59,866
♪ Well, then you're gonna be ♪
555
00:35:59,951 --> 00:36:01,991
♪ Honestly ♪
556
00:36:02,078 --> 00:36:04,408
♪ Sincere ♪
557
00:36:05,706 --> 00:36:08,746
[ Gasping ]
558
00:36:08,835 --> 00:36:12,335
♪ If what you feel is true ♪
559
00:36:12,421 --> 00:36:16,681
♪ You really feel it
You make them feel it too ♪
560
00:36:16,759 --> 00:36:21,429
♪ Write this down now
You gotta be sincere ♪
561
00:36:21,514 --> 00:36:23,774
♪ Honestly sincere ♪
562
00:36:23,850 --> 00:36:26,640
♪ Man, you gotta be ♪
563
00:36:26,769 --> 00:36:32,399
[ Moans]
♪ Sincere ♪
564
00:36:32,483 --> 00:36:37,453
♪ If you're really sincere
If you're really sincere ♪
565
00:36:37,530 --> 00:36:41,200
♪ If you feel it in here
Then it's gotta be right ♪
566
00:36:41,284 --> 00:36:43,294
- [ Screaming ]
- ♪ Oh, baby
Oh, honey♪
567
00:36:44,328 --> 00:36:46,248
♪ Hug me ♪
568
00:36:46,372 --> 00:36:48,962
♪ Ah, suffer ♪
[Screaming]
569
00:36:52,545 --> 00:36:55,005
♪ In everything I do ♪
570
00:36:56,132 --> 00:36:59,592
♪ Why, my sincerity
shows through ♪
571
00:36:59,677 --> 00:37:02,887
♪ Yeah, I look you
in the eye ♪
572
00:37:02,972 --> 00:37:05,892
♪ I don't even have to try
It's automatic ♪
573
00:37:05,975 --> 00:37:08,635
♪ I'm sincere ♪
574
00:37:10,646 --> 00:37:13,066
♪ When I sing
about a tree ♪
575
00:37:13,149 --> 00:37:17,609
♪ Listen, why I really
feel that tree ♪
576
00:37:17,695 --> 00:37:22,235
♪ Yeah, when I sing about a girl
I really feel that girl ♪
577
00:37:22,325 --> 00:37:24,905
♪ I mean I really feel ♪
578
00:37:24,994 --> 00:37:30,334
♪ Sincere ♪
[ Sighs]
579
00:37:30,416 --> 00:37:33,246
♪ Why, if you're
really sincere ♪
580
00:37:33,336 --> 00:37:36,876
♪ If you're really sincere
If you feel it in here ♪
581
00:37:37,006 --> 00:37:40,086
♪ Then it's gotta be right
Oh, baby ♪
[ Screaming ]
582
00:37:40,176 --> 00:37:42,086
♪ Oh, honey ♪
583
00:37:42,178 --> 00:37:45,768
♪ Hug me
Ah, suffer ♪
584
00:37:46,682 --> 00:37:49,192
Yeah, here we go now!
585
00:37:49,268 --> 00:37:52,098
♪ Why, you gotta be sincere ♪
586
00:37:52,188 --> 00:37:56,438
♪ Oh, you gotta feel it here
Oh, my baby ♪
587
00:37:56,525 --> 00:38:00,815
♪ Oh, my baby
Oh, yeah ♪
588
00:38:00,905 --> 00:38:04,275
♪ Oh, my baby
Aw, yeah ♪
589
00:38:04,367 --> 00:38:06,237
♪ Go, girl, go ♪
590
00:38:06,369 --> 00:38:08,289
Angela! Angela!
What are you doing?
♪ Yeah ♪
591
00:38:08,371 --> 00:38:10,121
♪ Mm-hmm ♪
592
00:38:10,206 --> 00:38:12,326
[ Sighs]
♪ Are ya gonna be sincere ♪
593
00:38:12,416 --> 00:38:15,126
- ♪ Are ya gonna be sincere ♪
- Yeah!
594
00:38:15,211 --> 00:38:18,881
- ♪ Are ya gonna be sincere
Are ya gonna be sincere ♪
- Yeah!
595
00:38:18,965 --> 00:38:23,335
- ♪ Are ya gonna be sincere
Are you gonna be sincere ♪
- Yeah!
596
00:38:23,427 --> 00:38:26,137
♪ Oh, my baby
Oh, yeah ♪
597
00:38:26,222 --> 00:38:29,682
♪ Oh, my baby
Oh, yeah ♪
598
00:38:29,767 --> 00:38:32,647
♪ Are ya gonna be sincere
Are you gonna be sincere ♪
599
00:38:32,728 --> 00:38:35,938
♪ Oh, my baby
Oh, yeah ♪
600
00:38:36,023 --> 00:38:39,493
♪ Oh, my baby
Oh, yeah ♪
601
00:38:39,610 --> 00:38:43,160
♪ Oh, my baby
Oh, yeah ♪
[ Screaming ]
602
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:45,829
♪ Oh, my baby ♪
603
00:38:45,908 --> 00:38:48,118
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
604
00:38:48,202 --> 00:38:52,332
♪ Yeah
Yeah ♪
605
00:38:52,415 --> 00:38:54,375
♪ Yeah ♪♪
606
00:39:29,952 --> 00:39:33,832
[ Girls]
♪ We love you, Conrad ♪
607
00:39:33,914 --> 00:39:37,924
♪ Oh, yes, we do ♪
608
00:39:38,002 --> 00:39:41,882
♪ We love you, Conrad ♪
609
00:39:41,964 --> 00:39:46,224
♪ And we'll be true ♪
610
00:39:46,302 --> 00:39:50,512
♪ When you're not near us ♪
611
00:39:50,598 --> 00:39:54,478
♪ We're blue ♪
612
00:39:54,602 --> 00:39:57,772
♪ Oh, Conrad♪
[ Whistling ]
613
00:39:57,855 --> 00:40:00,935
♪ We love you ♪
614
00:40:01,025 --> 00:40:05,065
Randolph, your father's warned you.
If you make another bomb,
you'll get spanked.
615
00:40:05,154 --> 00:40:08,954
- It was an accident, Mom.
- Oh! Now, get this stuff out of here.
616
00:40:09,033 --> 00:40:10,913
Oh.
[ Sighs]
617
00:40:10,993 --> 00:40:13,543
♪ We love you, Conrad♪
618
00:40:13,662 --> 00:40:15,622
[ Horn Honking ]
Doris. Doris!
619
00:40:15,706 --> 00:40:18,416
♪ And we'll be true ♪
620
00:40:18,542 --> 00:40:21,922
♪ When you're not near us♪♪
Doris, what's
going on here?
621
00:40:22,004 --> 00:40:24,384
Harry, where have you been
since supper?
622
00:40:24,465 --> 00:40:26,675
In plenty of trouble,
but I'm not now.
623
00:40:26,759 --> 00:40:28,929
You kids, go home before I sic
the constable on you!
624
00:40:29,011 --> 00:40:32,101
Go on! Get that carnival
off my front lawn!
625
00:40:32,181 --> 00:40:34,231
I'll show 'em
who's boss here!
626
00:40:34,308 --> 00:40:36,888
Harry McAfee's
not gonna be pushed around
by any roll and rocker.
627
00:40:37,019 --> 00:40:40,479
Harry, they'll hear you.
Ah, let 'em hear me.
628
00:40:40,606 --> 00:40:44,356
Randolph, put those chemicals
away and go to bed!
Yes, Papa.
629
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:49,950
We're in trouble.
He can't stand Conrad
living here.
630
00:40:52,743 --> 00:40:55,703
Especially around
his pretty young daughter.
631
00:40:59,583 --> 00:41:02,843
[Whispering ]
She's still under
the magic spell.
632
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,840
[ Sighing ]
633
00:41:04,922 --> 00:41:09,392
Dear little Conrad certainly
has a devastating impact.
634
00:41:09,468 --> 00:41:11,548
He might make
a terrific soldier.
635
00:41:11,637 --> 00:41:14,347
Turn him loose
and the enemy'll
twitch itself to death.
636
00:41:14,431 --> 00:41:16,981
I don't care.
I've changed my mind.
637
00:41:17,059 --> 00:41:21,109
My daughter is not gonna be
publicly kissed by that‒
that wiggler.
638
00:41:21,230 --> 00:41:25,280
The deal is off.
But, dear, you know
these adolescents. Kim'll lose face.
639
00:41:25,359 --> 00:41:30,069
And if I don't get rid
of that Birdie,
that's not all she'll‒
640
00:41:30,156 --> 00:41:32,656
Now, hear this.
I have decided...
641
00:41:32,741 --> 00:41:35,291
that bunch of grafters
is getting outta here!
642
00:41:35,369 --> 00:41:39,369
That is the unshakable decree
that I have made as
head of this household!
643
00:41:39,498 --> 00:41:44,248
So you go upstairs and tell 'em.
How can I tell Mr. Peterson
and that nice Miss De Leon‒
644
00:41:44,336 --> 00:41:48,796
Nice? Ha-ha!
I know that show business crowd.
Probably livin' in sin.
645
00:41:48,883 --> 00:41:51,143
Harry Lionel McAfee!
646
00:41:51,218 --> 00:41:55,308
I never told you. One summer
I worked with the circus.
Oh, those midgets, wild.
647
00:41:55,431 --> 00:41:59,191
Not another word.
She's been engaged to Peterson
for six years. Don't tell me‒
648
00:41:59,310 --> 00:42:03,270
We were engaged for five years.
He's not as stupid
as I was.
649
00:42:03,397 --> 00:42:07,737
Are you stupid, Pop?
Find out for yourself!
That's the trouble with kids: lazy!
650
00:42:07,818 --> 00:42:11,318
Will you go up?
Get up to bed!
651
00:42:11,405 --> 00:42:15,365
Oh, Harry, they'll be gone
day after tomorrow.
652
00:42:15,451 --> 00:42:17,541
I'm a peace-loving man.
653
00:42:17,620 --> 00:42:19,750
A good father and husband.
654
00:42:19,830 --> 00:42:23,210
And the result,
the home that I hewed out
of this wilderness...
655
00:42:23,292 --> 00:42:25,962
with my bare hands
is no longer mine.
656
00:42:26,045 --> 00:42:29,295
Tonight, I had to wait
until 6:00 for my supper.
657
00:42:29,381 --> 00:42:33,141
And that Peterson grafter,
running up my phone bill
with long distance calls!
658
00:42:33,260 --> 00:42:37,350
He offered to reimburse you.
I don't take
Diner's Club cards!
659
00:42:37,431 --> 00:42:41,391
And then that snake
in a gold suit insists
on parking in‒
660
00:42:41,477 --> 00:42:45,187
in my beautiful
living room!
Yech!
661
00:42:45,314 --> 00:42:47,234
You know where
I've just been?
Where?
662
00:42:47,316 --> 00:42:51,566
To a meeting with the big boys.
Kelsey, Judge Blanch,
Joe Kipp, my biggest customers.
663
00:42:51,654 --> 00:42:54,324
They don't approve of this
kind of notorious goings-on.
664
00:42:54,406 --> 00:42:56,276
Darling, they put pressure
on you?
665
00:42:56,367 --> 00:42:59,657
If I don't cancel
this whole Birdie deal,
666
00:42:59,787 --> 00:43:02,787
they'll starve me
right out of business.
Oh, my heavens!
667
00:43:02,873 --> 00:43:05,713
It's, it's, it's them or, or us.
668
00:43:05,834 --> 00:43:08,924
[ Pops, Whistles]
[ Gasps]
669
00:43:10,506 --> 00:43:12,376
[Whining ]
670
00:43:12,508 --> 00:43:15,218
What happened?
Are you all right?
671
00:43:15,344 --> 00:43:17,264
What's wrong?
Just some of
Randolph's chemicals.
672
00:43:17,388 --> 00:43:21,978
Eww.
A mixture of Iron Sulfide,
plus two parts H2SO4.
673
00:43:22,059 --> 00:43:24,849
Smart boy you have there.
It isn't every lad
who can make a stench bomb.
674
00:43:24,979 --> 00:43:28,479
Which brings me to Mr. Birdie.
Mr. Peterson is really
a biochemist.
675
00:43:28,607 --> 00:43:30,897
I couldn't care less.
Yes, I am.
I have one formula...
676
00:43:30,985 --> 00:43:34,565
which is miraculous in
its ability to increase the work
output of domestic animals.
677
00:43:34,655 --> 00:43:36,565
About this Birdie‒
678
00:43:36,657 --> 00:43:39,327
It speeds up the reflexes
so that an ox could outrun
a racehorse.
679
00:43:39,410 --> 00:43:42,750
By adding in his formula,
a hen will lay three eggs a day.
680
00:43:42,830 --> 00:43:45,500
Three eggs a day? If that's so,
you can make a million‒
681
00:43:45,582 --> 00:43:49,132
I've been nursing this compound for a year.
Still needs more tests, but it works.
682
00:43:49,253 --> 00:43:52,343
Uh, aren't you in farming?
He's McAfee Fertilizer.
683
00:43:52,464 --> 00:43:54,384
Oh, yes.
Been in it for 20 years.
684
00:43:54,508 --> 00:43:56,588
Really?
But I may be out if‒
685
00:43:56,677 --> 00:44:00,637
If you and Albert got together,
you could revolutionize
farm production.
686
00:44:00,764 --> 00:44:03,814
Would you like a demonstration?
Do you have a hen?
No.
687
00:44:03,892 --> 00:44:06,812
- Uh, how about trying it on that?
- A tortoise. I don't know.
688
00:44:06,895 --> 00:44:10,395
Sure. It won't bite.
Here, let me.
689
00:44:13,277 --> 00:44:17,907
Of course, there isn't
much demand for turtle eggs,
but, uh...
690
00:44:17,990 --> 00:44:22,160
if it really works
on farm animals, maybe you
and me could do some business.
691
00:44:22,244 --> 00:44:24,834
[ Gulps]
692
00:44:24,913 --> 00:44:28,503
I'll sure need something
if I let Kim go through
with this Birdie stuff.
693
00:44:28,584 --> 00:44:30,844
Some of Harry's customers
are against it.
694
00:44:30,961 --> 00:44:34,921
Yeah, so I've decided it's
absolutely out of the question.
Your neighbors are going...
695
00:44:35,007 --> 00:44:40,007
to be thrilled
when they see the two of you
on The Ed Sullivan Show.
696
00:44:40,095 --> 00:44:42,385
The Ed‒
The Ed Sullivan Show.
697
00:44:42,514 --> 00:44:46,394
Uh, yes, we, uh‒ we were
saving that as a surprise.
Yes, a surprise.
698
00:44:46,518 --> 00:44:50,858
Me, me on Ed Sullivan?
Oh, I'd die.
What would I wear?
699
00:44:50,981 --> 00:44:52,821
Oh, we'll find something.
Gee, Ed Sullivan.
700
00:44:52,900 --> 00:44:57,650
He's my favorite human.
That's why I decided to let
Kim go on in the first place.
701
00:44:57,738 --> 00:45:01,238
Me on The Ed Sullivan Show?
702
00:45:01,325 --> 00:45:03,575
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
703
00:45:05,496 --> 00:45:08,036
Me, Harry McAfee,
appearing with‒
704
00:45:08,123 --> 00:45:11,213
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
705
00:45:11,293 --> 00:45:16,473
♪ Ed
Ed Sullivan ♪
706
00:45:16,548 --> 00:45:18,588
♪ Ed ♪
707
00:45:18,675 --> 00:45:23,715
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
708
00:45:23,847 --> 00:45:26,677
♪ Ahhh ♪
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
709
00:45:26,809 --> 00:45:29,059
♪ Ahhh ♪
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
710
00:45:29,144 --> 00:45:31,564
♪ Ed
Ed ♪
711
00:45:31,647 --> 00:45:34,567
♪ Sull
Sull ♪
712
00:45:34,650 --> 00:45:37,150
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
713
00:45:37,236 --> 00:45:39,356
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
714
00:45:39,446 --> 00:45:43,906
♪ We're gonna be on
Ed Sullivan ♪
715
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:50,290
♪ How could any family be ♪
716
00:45:50,374 --> 00:45:55,504
♪ Half as fortunate as we ♪
717
00:45:55,587 --> 00:45:58,297
♪ We'll be coast-to-coast ♪
718
00:45:58,382 --> 00:46:02,182
♪ With our favorite host ♪
719
00:46:02,261 --> 00:46:08,601
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
720
00:46:09,977 --> 00:46:12,767
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
721
00:46:12,855 --> 00:46:15,265
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪
722
00:46:15,357 --> 00:46:19,947
♪ We're gonna be on
Ed Sullivan ♪
723
00:46:21,363 --> 00:46:24,913
♪ Ooo-oooh ♪
724
00:46:25,033 --> 00:46:29,083
I've got a wonderful wife.
Two swell kids.
♪ Ooo-ooh ♪
725
00:46:29,163 --> 00:46:32,623
A good business.
And now this.
[ Laughing ]
726
00:46:32,708 --> 00:46:35,628
♪ Someday we'll recall ♪
727
00:46:35,711 --> 00:46:39,671
♪ The greatest day of all ♪
728
00:46:39,756 --> 00:46:41,676
Ed, I love you.
729
00:46:41,758 --> 00:46:51,348
♪ Ed Sullivan ♪♪
730
00:46:51,435 --> 00:46:55,055
[Phone Ringing]
731
00:46:55,147 --> 00:46:59,187
[ Ringing ]
732
00:46:59,276 --> 00:47:02,696
Hello?
Oh, yes.
733
00:47:02,779 --> 00:47:06,239
Harry,
it's the Mayor.
He sounds mad.
734
00:47:06,325 --> 00:47:08,235
I'll handle this.
735
00:47:09,828 --> 00:47:11,998
Yes? Yes, Mayor.
736
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:16,500
Yes, the boys talked to me.
Yep, I've decided.
737
00:47:16,585 --> 00:47:18,875
Birdie stays right here.
738
00:47:18,962 --> 00:47:20,882
And Kim's on TV.
739
00:47:20,964 --> 00:47:24,764
And what's more,
I'm gonna be
on the show too.
740
00:47:24,843 --> 00:47:26,723
With Eddie Sullivan.
741
00:47:26,803 --> 00:47:31,313
Now, listen, Harry.
You saw what that crazy galoot
did at the reception.
742
00:47:33,310 --> 00:47:35,770
It was a disgrace!
743
00:47:35,854 --> 00:47:40,234
Uh, look, Mayor,
you're gonna be on TV too.
744
00:47:40,317 --> 00:47:42,897
They want you
to make a speech.
745
00:47:44,029 --> 00:47:46,319
They want me...
746
00:47:46,406 --> 00:47:48,406
on Ed Sullivan?
747
00:47:50,410 --> 00:47:53,460
A short speech.
Why, sure.
748
00:47:55,249 --> 00:47:58,459
I could become
a statewide face.
749
00:47:58,544 --> 00:48:00,714
It's a deal, Mayor.
750
00:48:00,796 --> 00:48:03,376
Sure, I'll plug you up
for governor.
751
00:48:03,465 --> 00:48:06,005
Bye, Sam.
752
00:48:06,093 --> 00:48:08,183
What a hambo.
753
00:48:08,262 --> 00:48:12,312
Well, it's, uh‒ it's been
a long day, so I think we'll‒
[Clicking]
754
00:48:19,940 --> 00:48:21,900
[ Screams]
755
00:48:21,984 --> 00:48:24,904
I'm thinkin'
of callin' 'em "Speed-Up."
You like it, Mr. McAfee?
756
00:48:24,987 --> 00:48:27,527
"Feed Up With Speed-Up."
I love it, partner.
757
00:48:27,656 --> 00:48:31,446
How will Randolph
ever catch his tortoise?
Just give him one of these.
758
00:48:31,577 --> 00:48:34,537
Hi, Mr. McAfee. Gee,
I just wanted to thank you.
Huh?
759
00:48:34,621 --> 00:48:39,081
My dad said you're
not letting Kim go on TV
and kiss that‒ That!
760
00:48:39,167 --> 00:48:41,797
It can't be true!
Oh, Mr. McAfee,
761
00:48:41,878 --> 00:48:45,008
you wouldn't destroy Kim,
your own flesh and blood.
762
00:48:45,090 --> 00:48:47,930
Oh, sure he would.
A father has a right.
Right?
763
00:48:48,010 --> 00:48:51,260
Hugo, my daughter's old enough
to make her own decisions.
764
00:48:51,346 --> 00:48:53,806
So, I've decided
to let her do it.
765
00:48:55,517 --> 00:48:58,937
Well, in that case,
your daughter's the former
future Mrs. Hugo Peabody.
766
00:48:59,062 --> 00:49:01,232
Oh, Hugo, stop acting
like a child.
Kim!
767
00:49:01,356 --> 00:49:05,936
Where is he?
Can I see him?
Conrad's asleep, poor dear.
768
00:49:06,028 --> 00:49:08,278
You may peek through
his keyhole, while I‒
769
00:49:08,363 --> 00:49:11,913
while I discuss
this tempest in a tea bag
with Hugo.
770
00:49:17,122 --> 00:49:19,042
[ Sighs]
771
00:49:26,632 --> 00:49:28,552
You're lucky people.
772
00:49:28,634 --> 00:49:31,854
What'd we ever do
to deserve such a daughter?
773
00:49:31,928 --> 00:49:34,508
We got married.
774
00:49:34,598 --> 00:49:36,478
Marriage.
775
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:39,900
But, Kim‒
Yeah, but, Kim‒
I don't have time for debate.
776
00:49:39,978 --> 00:49:42,978
Ursula's waiting.
I've gotta learn my speech
for tomorrow's rehearsal.
777
00:49:43,065 --> 00:49:47,145
Wait a minute, Kim.
Don't go yet, please.
778
00:49:47,235 --> 00:49:50,945
Gee, you don't know
what I've been through
with all the guys buggin' me.
779
00:49:51,073 --> 00:49:55,243
Well, about you
and that Birdie creep.
Oh, that.
780
00:49:55,327 --> 00:49:58,537
Yeah, that!
Well, that's silly.
781
00:49:58,622 --> 00:50:01,752
Aw, he means nothing to me.
782
00:50:05,253 --> 00:50:07,263
♪ One boy ♪
783
00:50:08,674 --> 00:50:12,684
♪ One special boy ♪
784
00:50:12,761 --> 00:50:15,851
♪ One boy to go with ♪
785
00:50:15,931 --> 00:50:19,981
♪ To talk with
and walk with ♪
786
00:50:20,060 --> 00:50:22,480
♪ One boy ♪
787
00:50:22,562 --> 00:50:27,532
♪ That's the way
it should be ♪
788
00:50:27,609 --> 00:50:31,199
Yeah. Yeah!
That's the way it should be.
789
00:50:31,279 --> 00:50:33,369
♪ One boy ♪
790
00:50:33,448 --> 00:50:36,028
♪ One certain boy ♪
791
00:50:36,118 --> 00:50:38,748
♪ One boy to laugh with ♪
792
00:50:38,829 --> 00:50:42,499
♪ To joke with
Have Coke with ♪
793
00:50:42,582 --> 00:50:45,292
♪ One boy ♪
794
00:50:45,377 --> 00:50:50,167
♪ Not two or three ♪
795
00:50:53,468 --> 00:50:56,048
♪ One day ♪
796
00:50:56,138 --> 00:50:59,388
♪ You'll find out ♪
797
00:50:59,474 --> 00:51:05,404
♪ This is what life
is all about ♪
798
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:11,240
♪ You need someone who ♪
799
00:51:11,319 --> 00:51:13,569
♪ Is living ♪
800
00:51:13,655 --> 00:51:17,695
♪ Just for you ♪
801
00:51:17,784 --> 00:51:21,084
♪ One boy ♪
802
00:51:21,163 --> 00:51:23,463
♪ One steady boy ♪
803
00:51:23,540 --> 00:51:26,040
♪ One boy to be with ♪
804
00:51:26,126 --> 00:51:29,756
♪ Forever and ever ♪
805
00:51:29,838 --> 00:51:32,628
♪ One boy ♪
806
00:51:32,716 --> 00:51:37,676
♪ That's the way
it should be ♪
807
00:51:39,181 --> 00:51:45,231
♪ That's the way
it should be ♪
808
00:51:52,861 --> 00:51:56,701
Now, is that the kiss of a woman
interested in any other man?
809
00:51:59,201 --> 00:52:02,791
I don't know.
How do I tell?
810
00:52:07,042 --> 00:52:10,802
Aw, but he made you faint!
Oh, he did not!
811
00:52:10,879 --> 00:52:14,549
I-I was just exhausted
cramming for my English exam.
812
00:52:16,510 --> 00:52:21,260
Hugo. Hugo, you‒ you've got
to try to understand me...
813
00:52:21,348 --> 00:52:23,768
as a woman.
814
00:52:23,850 --> 00:52:27,100
Now, I might like Conrad
as a friend.
815
00:52:27,187 --> 00:52:30,437
But when it comes
to the real thing‒
816
00:52:30,524 --> 00:52:33,574
oh, the grand passion‒
817
00:52:35,278 --> 00:52:38,068
well, that's
something special, Hugo.
818
00:52:38,156 --> 00:52:40,986
That's you.
819
00:52:41,076 --> 00:52:43,656
♪ One day ♪
820
00:52:43,745 --> 00:52:46,035
♪ You'll find out ♪
821
00:52:46,122 --> 00:52:49,502
♪ This is what life
is all about ♪
822
00:52:49,584 --> 00:52:54,304
♪ You need someone who ♪
823
00:52:54,381 --> 00:52:56,591
♪ Is living ♪
824
00:52:56,675 --> 00:53:01,045
♪ Just for you ♪
825
00:53:01,137 --> 00:53:03,347
♪ One boy ♪
826
00:53:03,431 --> 00:53:05,811
♪ One steady boy ♪
827
00:53:05,892 --> 00:53:08,192
♪ One boy to be with ♪
828
00:53:08,270 --> 00:53:10,940
♪ Forever and ever ♪
829
00:53:11,022 --> 00:53:13,862
♪ One boy ♪
830
00:53:13,942 --> 00:53:20,282
♪ That's the way
it should be ♪
831
00:53:20,365 --> 00:53:23,365
♪ That's the way ♪
832
00:53:23,451 --> 00:53:29,501
♪ It should be ♪
833
00:53:33,461 --> 00:53:36,051
Homework! Hey,
I got homework to do!
834
00:53:36,131 --> 00:53:37,841
Come on.
835
00:53:50,353 --> 00:53:55,363
♪ When will he find out ♪
836
00:53:55,442 --> 00:54:00,322
♪ This is what life
is all about ♪
837
00:54:01,698 --> 00:54:06,328
♪ Will he ever see ♪
838
00:54:07,787 --> 00:54:11,497
♪ I need him ♪
839
00:54:11,583 --> 00:54:18,343
♪ And he needs me ♪
840
00:54:18,465 --> 00:54:22,385
♪ One boy ♪
♪ One special boy ♪
841
00:54:22,510 --> 00:54:24,970
♪ One special boy ♪
♪ One boy ♪
842
00:54:25,096 --> 00:54:28,386
♪ To be with always ♪
♪ One boy to be with ♪
843
00:54:28,516 --> 00:54:33,436
♪ Forever and ever ♪
♪ Forever ♪
844
00:54:33,521 --> 00:54:37,361
♪ I love him ♪
♪ One boy ♪
845
00:54:37,484 --> 00:54:46,034
♪ I love him so ♪
♪ That's the way
it should be ♪
846
00:54:47,911 --> 00:54:54,291
♪ That's the way
it should be ♪
847
00:54:58,254 --> 00:55:02,474
♪ That's the way ♪
848
00:55:03,885 --> 00:55:11,055
♪ It should be ♪♪
849
00:55:23,405 --> 00:55:25,655
[ Rotary Dialing ]
850
00:55:28,785 --> 00:55:33,245
Hello, Sweet Apple Drive-In.
I'm looking for my mother,
Mrs. Peterson.
851
00:55:33,331 --> 00:55:37,501
Are you sure there's no one
left in your drive-in?
Okay, thank you.
852
00:55:37,585 --> 00:55:40,455
Don't worry, partner.
Your mother'll get along fine.
853
00:55:40,547 --> 00:55:42,837
Sweet Apple's full
of friendly folk.
854
00:55:42,924 --> 00:55:45,554
Oh, if anything happens to her,
I'll never forgive myself.
855
00:55:45,677 --> 00:55:48,137
[Conrad]
What kind of a dump is this?
Dump?
856
00:55:48,221 --> 00:55:52,771
Conrad. Let's humor him,
partner. If he walks off
The Sullivan Show, we're sunk.
857
00:55:52,851 --> 00:55:54,771
Gotcha.
858
00:55:56,980 --> 00:55:59,570
I can't find no church key
in my room.
859
00:55:59,649 --> 00:56:02,899
Church key?
We've had a church here,
but it's open.
860
00:56:03,028 --> 00:56:08,368
A can opener, man. Sheesh.
You're from nowhere-like.
[ Mock Chuckle ]
861
00:56:16,249 --> 00:56:18,289
[ Can Popping ]
862
00:56:18,418 --> 00:56:21,758
[ Both Chuckling ]
Well, that's
my favorite brand.
863
00:56:21,838 --> 00:56:25,008
Well, it's, uh...
bedtime, huh, Conrad?
864
00:56:27,886 --> 00:56:31,766
Okay, for tonight.
But tomorrow's Saturday.
865
00:56:31,848 --> 00:56:35,558
And that's
my real tense night.
866
00:56:35,643 --> 00:56:37,563
[ Roaring ]
867
00:56:43,651 --> 00:56:46,401
Thanks, Mr. McAfee.
868
00:56:46,488 --> 00:56:50,698
The next time
I have a daughter,
I hope it's a boy.
869
00:56:50,784 --> 00:56:52,914
I am a lucky man,
though, Albert.
870
00:56:52,994 --> 00:56:55,374
Meetin' up with
a biochemical wizard.
871
00:56:55,455 --> 00:56:58,745
Peterson and McAfee
are goin' right to the moon.
872
00:56:58,833 --> 00:57:03,633
I've got to.
Not just for my mother,
for Rosie.
873
00:57:09,844 --> 00:57:12,434
Well, I guess
I'll get a little air
and turn in.
874
00:57:12,514 --> 00:57:15,984
Take all the air
you want, chum.
[ Chuckling ]
875
00:57:31,741 --> 00:57:34,041
Hi, Rosie.
876
00:57:35,578 --> 00:57:39,248
Rosie, you don't have
to worry about Mama.
She'll show up.
877
00:57:39,374 --> 00:57:42,294
I'm certain she will.
Well, then
you oughta be happy.
878
00:57:42,377 --> 00:57:47,007
Kim's on the show.
Conrad does my song.
I promise I'll tell Mama about us.
879
00:57:49,050 --> 00:57:51,510
[ Sighs]
Come on.
880
00:57:58,768 --> 00:58:03,688
♪♪
881
00:58:03,773 --> 00:58:06,653
♪ Why look so awfully tragic ♪
882
00:58:06,734 --> 00:58:09,074
♪ Put on a happy face ♪
883
00:58:09,154 --> 00:58:11,824
♪ Smiling can work
like magic ♪
884
00:58:11,906 --> 00:58:14,446
♪ Put on a happy face ♪
885
00:58:14,534 --> 00:58:17,754
♪ Take off the gloomy mask
of tragedy ♪
886
00:58:17,829 --> 00:58:19,959
♪ It's not your style ♪
887
00:58:20,039 --> 00:58:23,539
♪ You'll look so good
that you'll be glad
you decided ♪
888
00:58:23,626 --> 00:58:25,586
♪ To smile ♪
889
00:58:25,670 --> 00:58:28,210
♪ Pick out
a pleasant outlook ♪
890
00:58:28,298 --> 00:58:30,838
♪ Stick out that noble chin ♪
891
00:58:30,925 --> 00:58:33,845
♪ Wipe off
the full-of-doubt look ♪
892
00:58:33,928 --> 00:58:36,678
♪ Slap on a happy grin ♪
893
00:58:36,764 --> 00:58:40,694
♪ And spread sunshine
all over the place ♪
894
00:58:40,768 --> 00:58:45,108
♪ Just put on a happy face ♪
895
00:58:49,694 --> 00:58:52,034
Flowers?
896
00:58:52,113 --> 00:58:54,663
[ Crying ]
♪ Put on a happy face ♪
897
00:58:57,243 --> 00:59:00,003
[ Sinisterly]
♪ Put on a happy face ♪
898
00:59:02,749 --> 00:59:04,959
♪ It's such a strain ♪
899
00:59:05,043 --> 00:59:07,883
♪ I always try
to chuckle hourly ♪
900
00:59:07,962 --> 00:59:10,592
♪ It clears the brain ♪
901
00:59:13,009 --> 00:59:17,599
♪ I knew a girl so gloomy
She'd never laugh or sing ♪
902
00:59:17,680 --> 00:59:20,390
♪ She wouldn't listen to me ♪
903
00:59:20,475 --> 00:59:22,635
♪ Now she's
a mean old thing♪
904
00:59:22,727 --> 00:59:28,187
♪ So spread sunshine
all over the place ♪
905
00:59:28,274 --> 00:59:31,744
♪ Put on a happy ♪
906
01:00:44,267 --> 01:00:51,977
[Together]
♪ So put on a happy face ♪♪
907
01:00:54,319 --> 01:00:57,359
[ Both Laughing ]
[Rustling]
908
01:01:06,748 --> 01:01:10,498
[ Laughs ]
Well, like I said,
909
01:01:10,585 --> 01:01:13,295
you're a genius,
Dr. Peterson.
910
01:01:13,379 --> 01:01:17,339
Ah, honey, you sure
have put up with a lot,
but this time we're gonna make it.
911
01:01:17,467 --> 01:01:21,007
Let's live in
a small town like this.
Anything you say, dear.
912
01:01:21,137 --> 01:01:25,177
Okay?
The last time
we were alone together,
913
01:01:25,266 --> 01:01:29,056
last summer at Palisades Park,
we went through
the Tunnel of Love.
914
01:01:29,145 --> 01:01:31,055
Your mother
sat between us.
915
01:01:31,147 --> 01:01:34,107
Oh, honey,
I told you, from now on,
things are gonna be different.
916
01:01:34,192 --> 01:01:38,032
[Mrs. Peterson]
Yoo-hoo! Albert!
It's Mama.
917
01:01:38,112 --> 01:01:40,032
Mama?
918
01:01:40,114 --> 01:01:42,034
Mama!
919
01:01:43,451 --> 01:01:47,711
[ Sighs]
Boy meets girl.
Boy loses girl.
920
01:01:47,789 --> 01:01:51,129
Boy gets mother.
Eeew-ooo!
921
01:01:54,045 --> 01:01:58,215
Mama, where have you been?
Neglected!
That's where I've been.
922
01:01:58,299 --> 01:02:01,469
Well, I tried to find you.
Have you had any dinner?
923
01:02:01,552 --> 01:02:05,812
A mother doesn't need food.
Besides, I'd rather be
with my famous son.
924
01:02:05,890 --> 01:02:09,730
Albert, what is it?
Oh, it's your mother.
Oh, good evening.
925
01:02:09,852 --> 01:02:12,612
How are you, ma'am?
How can I be?
926
01:02:12,688 --> 01:02:16,068
Ripped from my native land,
alone in this jungle.
927
01:02:16,150 --> 01:02:19,030
Gosh, Albert,
I wish we had room
to put up your mother.
928
01:02:19,112 --> 01:02:23,162
Thanks.
A motel mattress full of lumps
is good enough for me.
929
01:02:23,241 --> 01:02:26,241
Comfort is
for my loving son.
930
01:02:26,327 --> 01:02:29,077
Oh!
931
01:02:29,163 --> 01:02:31,373
[ Sighing ]
932
01:02:31,457 --> 01:02:34,037
I just came to tuck you
into bed.
933
01:02:34,127 --> 01:02:37,087
Mama's got a condition.
She won't tell me
what it is.
934
01:02:37,171 --> 01:02:39,921
Why worry a growing boy?
935
01:02:40,007 --> 01:02:43,087
Okay, if you insist.
936
01:02:43,177 --> 01:02:46,677
I got maybe one-tenth
a normal heart.
937
01:02:46,764 --> 01:02:49,064
A mother doesn't need
a heart.
938
01:02:49,142 --> 01:02:52,022
As soon as Albert and I get
our new deal a-rollin',
939
01:02:52,103 --> 01:02:54,693
you'll have the finest doctors
in the country.
940
01:02:54,772 --> 01:02:58,152
Deal?
What deal, Albert?
941
01:02:58,234 --> 01:03:03,244
Well, Mama, I'm quitting
the music business
and going back to chemistry.
942
01:03:03,322 --> 01:03:07,242
That Rosie!
She's finally turned you
against me.
943
01:03:07,326 --> 01:03:09,286
Ah, please, Mama,
she didn't!
944
01:03:09,370 --> 01:03:11,410
Albert, go, desert me!
945
01:03:11,497 --> 01:03:15,627
But when I was expecting him
in the maternity ward,
three days I waited.
946
01:03:15,710 --> 01:03:17,800
Did I desert him? No.
947
01:03:17,879 --> 01:03:21,259
I stayed right there
so he wouldn't be alone
when he was born!
948
01:03:21,340 --> 01:03:24,640
Mama, please
don't excite yourself.
Mama, you know I love you.
949
01:03:24,719 --> 01:03:27,469
It's just Rosie and I
have plans.
Okay.
950
01:03:27,555 --> 01:03:29,885
Lou.
951
01:03:29,974 --> 01:03:31,894
I'll be right up.
952
01:03:31,976 --> 01:03:33,976
Start dealing.
953
01:03:34,061 --> 01:03:36,231
[Shoes Squeaking]
954
01:03:36,314 --> 01:03:41,154
Just bury me on your front lawn
so Rosie can walk all over me!
955
01:03:43,696 --> 01:03:46,236
Mama! Mama, please!
956
01:03:46,324 --> 01:03:50,164
It's not gas.
It's electric.
[Kim] Doris!
957
01:03:50,244 --> 01:03:53,664
- Doris! Doris!
- [ Gasps]
958
01:03:53,748 --> 01:03:57,498
Doris, how do you like it?
Isn't it exciting?
959
01:03:57,585 --> 01:04:01,415
No, no, no! I told you
not to dye your hair!
960
01:04:01,506 --> 01:04:04,006
Oh, but I wanted to.
Isn't it a gas?
961
01:04:04,091 --> 01:04:06,431
You dare defy your mother?
962
01:04:06,511 --> 01:04:09,891
- Well, it's my hair.
- Not till you're 21.
963
01:04:09,972 --> 01:04:14,192
- What's the matter, Papa?
- Young lady, you stay in your
room till it changes back!
964
01:04:14,268 --> 01:04:16,598
Do ya hear?
I won't! I won't!
965
01:04:16,729 --> 01:04:19,189
I demand respect
around here.
It's my hair.
966
01:04:19,273 --> 01:04:22,443
- Respect, do ya hear? Respect!
- I respect you, Papa.
967
01:04:22,527 --> 01:04:24,857
I don't want your respect.
968
01:04:24,946 --> 01:04:28,866
Who wants respect
from a ten-year-old kid?
969
01:04:28,950 --> 01:04:32,870
♪ Kids
I don't know what's wrong
with these kids today ♪
970
01:04:32,954 --> 01:04:37,294
♪ Kids
Who can understand
anything they say ♪
971
01:04:37,375 --> 01:04:41,545
♪ Kids
They are disobedient
disrespectful oafs ♪
972
01:04:41,629 --> 01:04:45,969
♪ Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy loafers
While we're on the subject ♪
973
01:04:46,050 --> 01:04:50,140
♪ Kids
You can talk and talk
till your face is blue ♪
974
01:04:50,221 --> 01:04:54,481
♪ Kids
But they still do
just what they want to do ♪
975
01:04:54,559 --> 01:04:56,849
♪ Why can't they be
like we were ♪
976
01:04:56,936 --> 01:04:58,936
♪ Perfect in every way ♪
977
01:04:59,021 --> 01:05:01,981
♪ What's the matter
with kids today ♪
978
01:05:03,609 --> 01:05:07,069
♪ Kids
I've tried to raise you
the best I could ♪
979
01:05:07,154 --> 01:05:11,914
♪ Kids
All the things I've done
were for your own good ♪
980
01:05:11,993 --> 01:05:16,413
♪ Kids
Can't you once appreciate
how I've sacrificed ♪
981
01:05:16,497 --> 01:05:20,707
♪ Working, slaving
scrimping, saving pennies
And living with your father ♪
982
01:05:20,793 --> 01:05:23,593
♪ Kids
No one knows the burdens
I've had to bear ♪
983
01:05:23,671 --> 01:05:25,591
♪ And in my condition ♪
984
01:05:25,673 --> 01:05:29,343
♪ Kids
I'm a poor sick woman
and does he care, ha ♪
985
01:05:29,427 --> 01:05:33,717
♪ Go on, go on and kill me
That's what it's coming to ♪
986
01:05:33,806 --> 01:05:37,016
♪ When a mother
has kids like you ♪
987
01:05:38,686 --> 01:05:41,436
♪ Kids ♪
♪ All the chicken soup
that I made for you ♪
988
01:05:41,522 --> 01:05:43,442
Mama, take it easy.
♪ Kids ♪
989
01:05:43,524 --> 01:05:46,494
♪ Now you throw me out
like a worn-out shoe ♪
990
01:05:46,569 --> 01:05:51,119
Not in front of everybody, Mom.
♪ After all, I haven't been
such an awful son ♪
991
01:05:51,198 --> 01:05:54,538
♪ I never sassed you back
or leave a ring
around the bathtub ♪
992
01:05:54,660 --> 01:05:56,700
♪ And don't I always
phone you ♪
♪ Kids ♪
993
01:05:56,787 --> 01:05:59,957
♪ You can give your life
to them night and day ♪
994
01:06:00,041 --> 01:06:02,501
♪ Kids
Then they go get married ♪
Married? Aah!
995
01:06:02,627 --> 01:06:04,627
♪ And move away ♪
Who's gettin' married?
996
01:06:04,712 --> 01:06:06,802
♪ Why do we have
these children ♪
997
01:06:06,881 --> 01:06:10,181
♪ Better to have a pet ♪
You know where you stand
with the pet.
998
01:06:10,259 --> 01:06:12,679
- [ Growling ]
- [Yells]
999
01:06:12,762 --> 01:06:15,012
♪ I've never asked
for nothin' ♪
1000
01:06:15,097 --> 01:06:17,017
♪ Nothin' is what
you'll get ♪
1001
01:06:17,099 --> 01:06:20,099
[Together]
♪ What's the matter
with kids to‒ ♪
1002
01:06:20,227 --> 01:06:23,897
I tried, Lou,
but I failed.
Oh, you didn't, Mama.
1003
01:06:23,981 --> 01:06:26,981
[Mrs. Peterson]
Don't try to pay me back, sonny.
I forgive ya.
1004
01:06:27,109 --> 01:06:31,239
So what if you're an ingrate,
so long as you're happy.
I don't wanna be happy.
1005
01:06:31,322 --> 01:06:36,082
Don't feel guilty. Just make
believe I'm an old, used car.
Junk me, leave me in the gutter.
1006
01:06:36,202 --> 01:06:38,252
I'll never leave you.
Never.
You heard him.
1007
01:06:38,329 --> 01:06:41,959
- You're a witness.
- I promise, Mama. I never
broke a promise to my mama.
1008
01:06:42,083 --> 01:06:45,463
Good boy.
♪ Why can't they be
like Albert ♪
1009
01:06:45,544 --> 01:06:49,724
- ♪ Perfect in every way ♪
- ♪ What's the matter with kids ♪
1010
01:06:49,799 --> 01:06:52,049
♪ Yeah, what's the matter
with kids ♪
1011
01:06:52,134 --> 01:06:55,854
♪ Nothing's the matter
with kids today ♪♪
1012
01:06:55,930 --> 01:06:58,220
[Whining, Barks]
1013
01:06:58,307 --> 01:07:01,187
Mr. Paisley,
this is Rose De Leon.
1014
01:07:01,268 --> 01:07:06,728
You asked me to call
if I had any free time.
Well, I'm free. Very free.
1015
01:07:06,816 --> 01:07:10,066
- Rosie!
- Ten minutes?
1016
01:07:10,152 --> 01:07:12,702
Oh, I'll be waiting for you.
1017
01:07:15,366 --> 01:07:18,406
Well‒
Don't worry, sonny. You can
always get another secretary.
1018
01:07:18,494 --> 01:07:20,454
Rosie!
1019
01:07:24,583 --> 01:07:27,883
[ Girls Chattering, Screaming ]
Can you see him?
Can you see him?
1020
01:07:27,962 --> 01:07:29,922
No. Babette,
can you see him?
1021
01:07:30,005 --> 01:07:34,795
I can't see him. All I can see
is the basketball hoop.
Hey, Gret, can you see him?
1022
01:07:34,885 --> 01:07:37,465
Conrad Birdie in our gym.
1023
01:07:37,638 --> 01:07:39,768
♪♪
♪ Uh, uh, oh ♪
1024
01:07:39,849 --> 01:07:42,019
♪ Gimme one last kiss ♪
1025
01:07:42,101 --> 01:07:44,651
♪ One last kiss ♪
1026
01:07:44,729 --> 01:07:48,569
♪ One more time
Baby, one more time ♪
1027
01:07:48,649 --> 01:07:52,739
♪ It really is sublime
Ah, baby, so sublime ♪
1028
01:07:52,820 --> 01:07:54,910
♪ You know I need your love ♪
1029
01:07:54,989 --> 01:07:59,119
♪ Uh, uh, oh
Gimme one last kiss♪
1030
01:07:59,201 --> 01:08:02,411
♪ One last kiss ♪
1031
01:08:02,496 --> 01:08:06,076
♪ Ba-a-a-a-a-by ♪
1032
01:08:06,167 --> 01:08:10,297
♪ Gi-ive me one last kiss ♪
1033
01:08:10,379 --> 01:08:14,929
♪ Ba-a-a-a-a-by♪
1034
01:08:15,009 --> 01:08:19,099
♪ Gi-ive me one last kiss♪
1035
01:08:19,180 --> 01:08:24,100
♪ Oh, one last kiss♪
1036
01:08:24,185 --> 01:08:26,475
♪ Give me one last kiss♪
1037
01:08:26,562 --> 01:08:30,782
♪ It never felt like this
Nah, baby, not like this♪
1038
01:08:30,858 --> 01:08:32,988
♪ Ya know I need your love ♪
1039
01:08:33,068 --> 01:08:35,778
♪ Uh, uh, oh‒ ♪♪
Okay, cut.
1040
01:08:35,863 --> 01:08:39,703
We'll rehearse
the song later, Conrad.
Al, what's the exact length?
1041
01:08:39,784 --> 01:08:43,704
Oh, uh, one, uh‒ 1:20.
1042
01:08:43,788 --> 01:08:47,248
Check. That gives us
two minutes and forty seconds
for Sullivan's intro to Kim.
1043
01:08:47,333 --> 01:08:51,633
Kim's good luck speech
to Conrad. Then Conrad socks
over a plug for army enlistment.
1044
01:08:51,712 --> 01:08:55,632
Bangs into the song.
And we top it all off
with a big kisseroo. Kim?
1045
01:08:55,716 --> 01:08:58,636
Yes, sir.
1046
01:08:58,719 --> 01:09:02,179
Uh, uh, beg, beg pardon,
but when do I make my speech?
1047
01:09:02,264 --> 01:09:04,184
Speech? What speech?
1048
01:09:04,266 --> 01:09:08,186
I promised Mr. McAfee
he could say a few words.
After all, he's Kim's father.
1049
01:09:08,312 --> 01:09:11,612
Yes, he is.
Kind of a hello
from a proud parent.
1050
01:09:11,690 --> 01:09:16,150
All right. But ya can't have
much time. In fact, all you can
have is 20 seconds on the nose.
1051
01:09:16,237 --> 01:09:21,157
Gotcha. I'll just say a
few words, get some big laughs.
And introduce the Mayor.
1052
01:09:21,242 --> 01:09:23,832
The Mayor?
Aw, come on, Al,
what is this?
1053
01:09:23,911 --> 01:09:26,751
I‒ We had a problem.
1054
01:09:26,831 --> 01:09:29,711
I had to give the Mayor
a spot to humor McAfee.
1055
01:09:29,792 --> 01:09:33,922
All right. All right.
But we'll have to take ten
seconds away from McAfee.
1056
01:09:34,046 --> 01:09:37,676
I imagine songwriting must be
quite a lucrative profession.
Oh, yes, it is.
1057
01:09:37,758 --> 01:09:40,468
Well, how many records
of this song will they sell?
1058
01:09:40,594 --> 01:09:42,514
Oh, about one
or two million.
[ Laughs]
1059
01:09:42,596 --> 01:09:45,466
You know, Claude,
I had a perfectly
wonderful time last night.
1060
01:09:45,599 --> 01:09:47,939
You really are
a wonderful dancer.
Oh, I don't know.
1061
01:09:48,060 --> 01:09:51,730
When one's heart sings,
one's feet take wings.
Oh, how lyrical.
1062
01:09:51,856 --> 01:09:54,976
Is that Shelley or Keats?
That, my dear, is Paisley.
1063
01:09:55,109 --> 01:09:57,029
Really?
That's wonderful.
Uh-huh.
1064
01:09:57,111 --> 01:09:59,071
[ Both Laughing ]
Shall we go?
1065
01:09:59,154 --> 01:10:01,074
Surely.
1066
01:10:01,156 --> 01:10:04,196
[ Laughing ]
1067
01:10:04,285 --> 01:10:06,785
[Stage Manager]
Okay, everybody,
take your places.
1068
01:10:06,871 --> 01:10:08,831
Now, come on, Kim,
move right over there.
1069
01:10:08,956 --> 01:10:11,246
Just read it like
you normally would.
[ Shoes Squeaking ]
1070
01:10:11,333 --> 01:10:15,003
And we, your admirers,
are proud that our military
leaders have called upon you‒
1071
01:10:15,087 --> 01:10:18,967
Conrad, honey.
Please, Mrs. Peterson,
we're rehearsing.
1072
01:10:19,091 --> 01:10:21,721
All right now, Kim.
[ Shoes Squeaking ]
1073
01:10:21,802 --> 01:10:25,472
Could you move over one,
please?
1074
01:10:25,556 --> 01:10:30,186
Kim, you're talking too fast.
Now once more, dear, but slower.
1075
01:10:30,311 --> 01:10:34,821
[Kim] To express to you‒
Tell me, Mrs. Peterson,
what does your husband do?
1076
01:10:34,899 --> 01:10:37,439
I don't know.
He's dead.
1077
01:10:37,526 --> 01:10:39,736
And‒
[ Clears Throat]
And‒
1078
01:10:39,820 --> 01:10:43,530
And I want to say
on behalf of all
the girls...
1079
01:10:43,616 --> 01:10:46,696
who are your
devoted admirers‒
1080
01:10:46,827 --> 01:10:49,577
Oh,
I forgot what's next.
Come on, man, let's go.
1081
01:10:49,663 --> 01:10:51,173
Hiya, Hugo.
Hi, Kim.
1082
01:10:51,248 --> 01:10:53,828
- Look.
- [Conrad] They don't want
this jazz. They want Conrad.
1083
01:10:53,918 --> 01:10:57,668
There's the camera.
I bail in. I sing up a storm.
1084
01:10:57,755 --> 01:10:59,965
I give this chick
the message.
[ Gasps]
1085
01:11:00,049 --> 01:11:02,129
[ Gasps]
1086
01:11:02,217 --> 01:11:04,757
[ Sighs ]
This is my best side.
1087
01:11:04,845 --> 01:11:07,715
- She's fainted!
- Applause. Applause.
I'll dig you later, Dad.
1088
01:11:07,806 --> 01:11:11,476
- [ Hugo ] I've had enough!
I'll put my foot down!
- My baby!
1089
01:11:11,560 --> 01:11:13,980
I'm putting my foot down!
She's not going on that show!
1090
01:11:14,104 --> 01:11:18,154
Oh, yes, she is. You're
not wrecking my career.
Oh, what happened?
1091
01:11:18,233 --> 01:11:20,653
Tell him you're through
because you do not wish...
1092
01:11:20,736 --> 01:11:23,156
to humiliate your steady
in this sordid fashion.
1093
01:11:23,238 --> 01:11:25,408
Hugo Peabody,
you take that back!
1094
01:11:25,532 --> 01:11:28,162
I will not, but I will
take my pin back!
[ Groans ]
1095
01:11:28,243 --> 01:11:30,543
Oh, with pleasure!
1096
01:11:38,629 --> 01:11:42,799
Conrad, I know you're tense,
but we haven't finished
the number. It's not ready.
1097
01:11:42,883 --> 01:11:45,843
Conrad's a trooper, like I was.
Us troopers get tense.
1098
01:11:45,928 --> 01:11:47,848
Yeah, man,
like she said like.
1099
01:11:47,930 --> 01:11:50,770
Why don't you and I
go for a nice ride
in the country?
1100
01:11:50,849 --> 01:11:55,149
Uh-uh. Man, I hope
I never get that tense.
1101
01:11:57,898 --> 01:12:00,278
I never should
have said that to Rosie.
1102
01:12:00,401 --> 01:12:03,651
[ Kim ]
Who does he think he is?
Al, I got a wire from Sullivan.
1103
01:12:03,737 --> 01:12:06,947
"Russian Ballet switching
to different dance, requiring
additional four minutes.
1104
01:12:07,074 --> 01:12:11,294
"Therefore, the entire Birdie spot
must be cut to less than 30 seconds.
Cut?
1105
01:12:11,370 --> 01:12:14,370
Tell Peterson and Rosie
I'm sorry, song is out,
but no choice."
1106
01:12:14,456 --> 01:12:18,086
Oh, no! No, no!
They can't do this!
They can't cut the song!
1107
01:12:18,168 --> 01:12:22,338
They've already done it, kid.
In thirty seconds, all Birdie
can do is take a bow.
1108
01:12:22,423 --> 01:12:24,343
I'm awfully sorry.
1109
01:12:25,592 --> 01:12:27,472
The Russians!
1110
01:12:27,553 --> 01:12:32,523
First they take Czechoslovakia,
now they take my four minutes!
Oh, Mama.
1111
01:12:32,599 --> 01:12:35,019
Oh, baby. Oh.
1112
01:12:35,102 --> 01:12:38,312
Well, that's‒
that's show business.
1113
01:12:41,817 --> 01:12:44,777
[Car Engine Revving]
1114
01:12:49,366 --> 01:12:52,286
[People Chattering]
1115
01:12:55,330 --> 01:13:05,330
♪♪
1116
01:13:05,466 --> 01:13:09,716
♪ There are chicks
just right for some kissin' ♪
1117
01:13:09,803 --> 01:13:14,103
♪ And I mean
to kiss me a few ♪
1118
01:13:14,183 --> 01:13:18,653
♪ Man, those chicks don't know
what they're missin' ♪
1119
01:13:18,729 --> 01:13:22,569
♪ I got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
1120
01:13:22,649 --> 01:13:27,199
♪ Sizzlin' steaks
all ready for tastin' ♪
1121
01:13:27,279 --> 01:13:31,079
♪ And there's Cadillacs
all shiny and new ♪
1122
01:13:31,158 --> 01:13:36,248
♪ Gotta move
'cause time is a-wastin' ♪
1123
01:13:36,330 --> 01:13:39,960
♪ I got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
1124
01:13:40,042 --> 01:13:43,172
♪ There's music to play
Places to go ♪
1125
01:13:43,253 --> 01:13:45,133
♪ People to see ♪
1126
01:13:45,214 --> 01:13:49,134
♪ Everything for you and me ♪
1127
01:13:49,218 --> 01:13:53,428
♪ Life's a ball
if only you know it ♪
1128
01:13:53,514 --> 01:13:57,814
♪ And it's all
just waitin' for you ♪
1129
01:13:57,893 --> 01:14:02,113
♪ You're alive
so come on and show it ♪
1130
01:14:02,189 --> 01:14:06,109
♪ Yeah, we've got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
1131
01:14:06,193 --> 01:14:09,283
♪ There are men ♪
1132
01:14:09,363 --> 01:14:12,073
♪ With childhood
behind them ♪
1133
01:14:13,534 --> 01:14:16,664
♪ Handsome men ♪
1134
01:14:16,745 --> 01:14:19,035
♪ From Yale or Purdue ♪
1135
01:14:20,874 --> 01:14:23,964
♪ Older men ♪
1136
01:14:24,044 --> 01:14:26,674
♪ And I'm gonna find 'em ♪
1137
01:14:28,549 --> 01:14:35,099
♪ I got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
1138
01:14:35,180 --> 01:14:40,310
♪ I-I-I'm a-gonna have fun
Gonna be wild ♪
1139
01:14:40,394 --> 01:14:43,234
♪ Have my own way ♪
1140
01:14:43,313 --> 01:14:46,653
♪ I may break ♪
1141
01:14:46,733 --> 01:14:49,743
♪ A heart a day ♪
1142
01:14:50,612 --> 01:14:53,782
♪ Drink champagne ♪
1143
01:14:53,866 --> 01:14:56,446
♪ As if it were water ♪
1144
01:14:58,245 --> 01:15:00,245
♪ Pink champagne ♪
1145
01:15:01,373 --> 01:15:04,213
♪ And after a few ♪
1146
01:15:05,252 --> 01:15:08,672
♪ Daddy dear ♪
1147
01:15:08,755 --> 01:15:11,585
♪ You won't know your daughter ♪
1148
01:15:13,677 --> 01:15:19,057
♪ She's got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
♪♪ [Drumming]
1149
01:15:24,229 --> 01:15:28,529
♪ Think I'll be
a ring-a-ding drummer ♪
1150
01:15:28,609 --> 01:15:32,859
♪ Make each week
a thousand or two ♪
1151
01:15:32,946 --> 01:15:36,866
♪ Gorgeous girls
will beg for my number ♪
1152
01:15:36,950 --> 01:15:41,620
♪ Hey, I've got a lot
of livin ' to do ♪
1153
01:15:41,705 --> 01:15:44,285
♪ Yes, I'm gonna break out
Gonna take off ♪
1154
01:15:44,374 --> 01:15:46,714
♪ Gonna be free ♪
1155
01:15:46,793 --> 01:15:50,963
♪ This town is awfully square
for a cat like me ♪
1156
01:15:51,048 --> 01:15:54,838
♪ Or I'll be a superjet pilot♪
1157
01:15:54,927 --> 01:15:58,887
♪ Fly me high
way out in the blue ♪
1158
01:15:58,972 --> 01:16:03,562
♪ Then they'll see
I'm no shrinking violet ♪
1159
01:16:03,644 --> 01:16:06,984
♪ Hey, I've got a lot
of livin ' to do ♪
1160
01:17:08,875 --> 01:17:10,835
[ Snapping Fingers]
1161
01:17:22,514 --> 01:17:25,814
♪♪ [Rumba]
1162
01:17:36,111 --> 01:17:39,451
♪♪ [Rumba]
1163
01:17:39,531 --> 01:17:42,581
♪♪ [ Trilling ]
1164
01:17:56,965 --> 01:17:59,925
[ Snapping Fingers]
1165
01:18:39,049 --> 01:18:44,139
♪ I got a lot
of livin' to do ♪
1166
01:19:05,575 --> 01:19:08,865
♪ There's music to play ♪
♪ Places to go ♪
1167
01:19:08,954 --> 01:19:10,914
♪ People to see ♪
1168
01:19:10,997 --> 01:19:15,087
♪ Ah, everything
for you and me ♪
1169
01:19:15,168 --> 01:19:19,378
♪ Life's a ball
if only you know it ♪
1170
01:19:19,464 --> 01:19:23,764
♪ Yeah, and it's all
just waitin' for you ♪
1171
01:19:23,844 --> 01:19:28,274
♪ Oh, you're alive
so come on and show it ♪
1172
01:19:28,348 --> 01:19:33,018
♪ Yeah, we got a lot of livin'
Such a lot of livin' ♪
1173
01:19:33,103 --> 01:19:35,613
♪ Tonight's the night
we're gonna fly ♪
1174
01:19:35,689 --> 01:19:38,609
♪ Let's kick this
hick town into high ♪
1175
01:19:42,237 --> 01:19:44,607
♪ I want a taste
of everything ♪
1176
01:19:44,698 --> 01:19:47,278
♪ Let's live it up
and really swing ♪
1177
01:19:47,367 --> 01:19:50,287
♪ Got a lot of livin' ♪
1178
01:19:50,370 --> 01:19:53,120
♪ Livin', livin', livin' ♪
1179
01:19:53,206 --> 01:19:56,536
♪ Livin' to do ♪♪
Live!
1180
01:20:08,722 --> 01:20:11,642
[Car Engine Revving]
1181
01:20:13,393 --> 01:20:15,313
Hugo.
1182
01:20:15,395 --> 01:20:18,315
[Car Pulling A way]
1183
01:20:31,912 --> 01:20:34,832
♪♪ [Ballet]
1184
01:20:45,425 --> 01:20:49,175
But you needn't
bite my head off.
I only asked a civil question.
1185
01:20:49,262 --> 01:20:53,602
Ten times you've asked me.
I don't know why they changed
to this slow dance for TV.
1186
01:20:53,683 --> 01:20:57,353
If Albert can't get 'em to cut
it shorter, tomorrow night
I won't be on Ed Sullivan.
1187
01:20:57,479 --> 01:21:01,019
And neither will Kim, and you
know how much it means to her.
How about m‒
1188
01:21:01,107 --> 01:21:04,817
Well, anyway, Albert's
still in with the manager,
so that's a good sign.
1189
01:21:04,903 --> 01:21:07,783
If Eisenhower
couldn't handle the Russians,
how's Albert gonna talk to 'em?
1190
01:21:07,864 --> 01:21:12,334
Uh‒ Ahem.
[ Speaking Russian ]
1191
01:21:12,410 --> 01:21:16,460
[ Russian ]
1192
01:21:18,041 --> 01:21:20,671
[ Russian ]
Jack Kennedy.
1193
01:21:20,752 --> 01:21:22,712
Oh, uh, long live
Joseph Stalin.
1194
01:21:22,837 --> 01:21:25,667
Stalin?
I mean, uh, Stalin‒
Stalin lived too long.
1195
01:21:25,799 --> 01:21:28,339
Long live Khrushchev.
[ Russian ]
1196
01:21:28,426 --> 01:21:31,006
[ Chuckles]
1197
01:21:32,973 --> 01:21:35,063
Ah!
1198
01:21:35,141 --> 01:21:38,231
[ Russian ]
1199
01:21:38,311 --> 01:21:40,561
[ Clears Throat]
Um...
1200
01:21:40,647 --> 01:21:45,737
[ Russian ]
1201
01:21:45,819 --> 01:21:48,489
[ Chuckles]
Save your life? Me?
1202
01:21:48,572 --> 01:21:51,282
My friend, if you are sick,
see a doctor.
1203
01:21:51,366 --> 01:21:55,996
"If you're sick, see a doctor."
You-You speak English?
1204
01:21:56,079 --> 01:21:58,829
It saves time.
1205
01:21:58,915 --> 01:22:03,085
What can I do for you‒
[ Russian ]
Uh, Mr., eh, Peterson?
1206
01:22:03,169 --> 01:22:06,589
Sir, I have‒ I have come
to appeal to you.
1207
01:22:06,673 --> 01:22:09,343
That ballet, the one you're doing
on TV tomorrow night.
1208
01:22:09,426 --> 01:22:11,636
Da. [Russian]
Mr. Ed Sullivan.
1209
01:22:11,720 --> 01:22:15,890
Yeah, that's the one.
Could, could you just
cut that four minutes?
1210
01:22:15,974 --> 01:22:18,024
Well, it's beautiful.
I love it.
1211
01:22:18,101 --> 01:22:20,601
But my life depends on it.
1212
01:22:20,687 --> 01:22:23,147
Desecrate this classic?
1213
01:22:23,231 --> 01:22:26,031
I need the time for
Conrad Birdie to sing my song.
1214
01:22:27,569 --> 01:22:30,779
Who sent you here?
Senator Goldwater?
1215
01:22:30,864 --> 01:22:33,874
Will you cut three minutes?
1216
01:22:33,950 --> 01:22:36,120
Two minutes?
1217
01:22:36,202 --> 01:22:38,832
A minute and a half?
1218
01:22:38,913 --> 01:22:41,963
To cut even ten seconds
would be artistic sabotage.
1219
01:22:42,042 --> 01:22:44,792
This ballet has
historic significance.
1220
01:22:44,878 --> 01:22:48,008
It was performed
the same day as the funeral
of the Czar.
1221
01:22:48,089 --> 01:22:50,969
Lenin himself
made the arrangement.
1222
01:22:51,092 --> 01:22:55,222
Lenin arranged music?
No, funerals.
[ Russian ]
1223
01:23:01,061 --> 01:23:04,861
[Kim] Hello, Rose.
Oh, hi, Kim.
You still up?
1224
01:23:04,939 --> 01:23:07,979
Oh, I'm so
miserable, Rose.
1225
01:23:08,068 --> 01:23:12,698
I've lost Hugo,
and now I'm not even
going to be on TV.
1226
01:23:12,822 --> 01:23:16,082
Why not?
Oh, the Ballet's taking
four extra minutes,
1227
01:23:16,159 --> 01:23:19,039
so Birdie's song
and the kiss are out.
1228
01:23:19,120 --> 01:23:22,330
Well, serves Albert right.
1229
01:23:22,415 --> 01:23:24,705
Oh, now come on, relax.
1230
01:23:24,793 --> 01:23:27,963
Faithless men like Albert
and Hugo, they're all alike.
1231
01:23:28,046 --> 01:23:31,836
From puberty to stupidity,
from Benedict Arnold to Mussolini.
1232
01:23:31,925 --> 01:23:36,255
Men... we laugh at them.
Right?
1233
01:23:36,346 --> 01:23:41,016
It's easy for you
to pick up the pieces
of your shattered dream.
1234
01:23:41,101 --> 01:23:44,021
You've found a compensation.
1235
01:23:44,104 --> 01:23:49,114
Oh, that Claude Paisley's
just too much.
[ Sighs ]
1236
01:23:49,192 --> 01:23:52,112
He's too much all right.
1237
01:23:52,195 --> 01:23:54,405
But I won't mention of what.
1238
01:23:54,489 --> 01:23:57,329
All that charm, so genteel,
1239
01:23:57,409 --> 01:24:00,449
so educated,
so underhanded!
1240
01:24:03,498 --> 01:24:08,548
You mean Mr. Paisley's
like all the rest? I thought
he was the marrying type.
1241
01:24:08,628 --> 01:24:12,798
Oh, he is. He is.
He wanted to elope tonight.
1242
01:24:12,882 --> 01:24:15,642
And you know what?
He'd like to live in New York.
1243
01:24:15,719 --> 01:24:18,049
Uh, not to teach.
To be a songwriter.
1244
01:24:18,138 --> 01:24:20,468
- A songwriter?
- [ Sighs ]
1245
01:24:20,557 --> 01:24:23,557
He's all the things
I wanna get away from.
1246
01:24:23,643 --> 01:24:25,563
Oh, I'm sorry.
1247
01:24:25,645 --> 01:24:29,225
I never dreamed
that Mr. Paisley,
of all men‒
1248
01:24:29,315 --> 01:24:33,855
Oh, well, men.
They're only out
to use us, Kim.
1249
01:24:33,945 --> 01:24:36,735
I know.
Hugo's used me since
we were freshmen.
1250
01:24:36,823 --> 01:24:39,873
All those years
I wasted on Albert.
1251
01:24:39,951 --> 01:24:44,291
Rosie, the dependable one.
Rosie, the patient one.
Rosie, the good girl.
1252
01:24:44,372 --> 01:24:48,462
I know it sounds old-fashioned,
but... I'm not ashamed to admit it.
1253
01:24:48,543 --> 01:24:50,753
I'm still a good girl.
Rose?
1254
01:24:50,837 --> 01:24:53,337
Hmm?
So am I.
1255
01:24:55,258 --> 01:24:58,508
No kidding?
1256
01:24:58,595 --> 01:25:01,095
Well, you won't be sorry.
1257
01:25:02,223 --> 01:25:04,183
[ Kisses]
1258
01:25:05,351 --> 01:25:07,771
Are you going out
so late?
Mm-hmm.
1259
01:25:07,854 --> 01:25:13,234
My farewell to Sweet Apple.
A night to remember.
I'm going to Maude's Café.
1260
01:25:13,318 --> 01:25:16,698
Maude's!
That's a wild place.
1261
01:25:16,780 --> 01:25:19,120
You're not gonna
do anything rash?
1262
01:25:19,199 --> 01:25:21,579
Whatever you hear about me, Kim,
just tell them...
1263
01:25:21,659 --> 01:25:24,039
that she loved not wisely,
but too well.
1264
01:25:24,120 --> 01:25:26,040
Ole!
1265
01:25:32,837 --> 01:25:35,877
♪♪ [Big Band]
1266
01:25:37,592 --> 01:25:40,182
This is the place, Albert.
Hottest spot in the county.
1267
01:25:40,303 --> 01:25:43,643
How do you know?
Oh, I heard,
only heard.
1268
01:25:43,765 --> 01:25:47,685
Albert, don't go in that place.
I must.
It's the only way.
1269
01:25:47,811 --> 01:25:52,151
But drinking
won't solve anything.
He's frustrated.
1270
01:25:52,232 --> 01:25:54,152
Good-bye.
1271
01:25:56,694 --> 01:25:59,704
Thanks.
I'd go in there with you
if I weren't a happy family man...
1272
01:25:59,781 --> 01:26:01,871
and not allowed
to enjoy myself.
1273
01:26:01,950 --> 01:26:04,160
[Hugo]
Oh, please, mister.
I just‒
1274
01:26:04,285 --> 01:26:07,495
I'm telling you
for the last time!
All I want is a drink.
1275
01:26:07,580 --> 01:26:10,000
No drinks!
Now get lost!
1276
01:26:10,083 --> 01:26:13,293
Well, just a pint of bourbon?
Gin? Scotch?
1277
01:26:13,419 --> 01:26:16,339
No!
Well, how 'bout a malted
with a little vodka?
1278
01:26:16,422 --> 01:26:18,882
Come back
when you're 21.
1279
01:26:18,967 --> 01:26:23,467
Oh, well, well, I'm way over 21.
I only look young
from too much drinking.
1280
01:26:23,555 --> 01:26:26,265
[ Moans]
1281
01:26:29,936 --> 01:26:34,356
Oh, look at me. Look at
this shell of a human being.
The monster you've created.
1282
01:26:34,440 --> 01:26:38,860
Oh, I'm sorry about‒
Hugo, don't worry,
you'll get Kim back.
1283
01:26:38,945 --> 01:26:42,735
No, thanks.
The bloom is off the rose.
1284
01:26:42,824 --> 01:26:46,624
Rose. Little Rose.
1285
01:26:46,703 --> 01:26:50,043
A precious flower
that I trampled on.
1286
01:27:01,718 --> 01:27:03,718
[Whimpers]
1287
01:27:05,555 --> 01:27:07,265
There we go.
1288
01:27:07,348 --> 01:27:10,848
A toast.
To Mae, she's okay.
[ Laughing ]
1289
01:27:10,935 --> 01:27:12,975
I'm a songwriter too, huh?
1290
01:27:13,062 --> 01:27:16,692
Would you call the McAfee house
again and see my Al‒ Sonny!
1291
01:27:16,774 --> 01:27:19,074
Mama, what are you doing
in a place like this?
1292
01:27:19,152 --> 01:27:22,032
I'm playing canasta.
I got lonesome.
Did you cut the Russians?
1293
01:27:22,155 --> 01:27:24,525
Why are you consorting
with that strange man?
Glad to meet you.
1294
01:27:24,616 --> 01:27:29,116
Looks ain't everything.
Besides, Mr. Maude is
100% gentleman, and a widower.
1295
01:27:29,203 --> 01:27:30,913
Three times.
Sit down, Albert.
1296
01:27:30,997 --> 01:27:34,497
Any son of Mae Peterson
is a friend of mine.
Come, come.
1297
01:27:34,584 --> 01:27:37,504
[Albert] Mama,
get your things. We're taking
the bus to New York tonight.
1298
01:27:37,629 --> 01:27:41,759
[Mrs. Peterson]
Your song? It's all off?
It's dead, Mama, like I am.
1299
01:27:41,841 --> 01:27:45,091
- You ain't goin', Mae.
- You unhand her.
Come on, Mama.
1300
01:27:45,178 --> 01:27:48,098
Okay, buster, set 'em up.
Double scotch and gin
on the side.
1301
01:27:48,181 --> 01:27:51,641
And, uh... a bourbon chaser.
Make that a triple chaser.
1302
01:27:51,726 --> 01:27:54,596
And bring on
the dancing boys!
1303
01:27:54,687 --> 01:27:57,857
Well, come on,
make with the drinks, Meyer.
We gotta put out this fire.
1304
01:27:59,067 --> 01:28:03,107
Uh‒
♪ Everything is Rosie
Cha-cha-cha ♪
1305
01:28:03,237 --> 01:28:05,617
♪ 'Cause my name is Rosie ♪
Ah, the poor thing.
1306
01:28:05,740 --> 01:28:07,910
♪ Si, si, si ♪♪
She can't get over me.
1307
01:28:08,034 --> 01:28:11,164
She's singing the song
I wrote for her.
You wrote her a song?
1308
01:28:11,245 --> 01:28:14,705
Only eight bars, Mama.
Somehow, I never could
finish it.
1309
01:28:14,791 --> 01:28:17,961
Hey, what's with the red caps?
You got a train inside?
1310
01:28:18,044 --> 01:28:20,424
[Laughing Hysterically]
1311
01:28:23,007 --> 01:28:24,927
Eeew!
1312
01:28:25,051 --> 01:28:29,391
Hey, where ya goin'?
I'm gonna go and see what the
boys in the backroom'll have.
1313
01:28:29,472 --> 01:28:31,602
Albert!
Where are you going?
1314
01:28:31,683 --> 01:28:36,193
To save her from herself.
To save her for me.
She might get in trouble.
1315
01:28:36,270 --> 01:28:38,980
[Man]
Report on the charity bazaar
which we ran...
1316
01:28:39,065 --> 01:28:42,565
for the benefit
of the old folks' home;
to wit, net cash receipts:
1317
01:28:42,652 --> 01:28:46,662
$840.06.
1318
01:28:46,739 --> 01:28:50,489
- [Albert] Rosie!
- Valuable goods contributed:
two milk cows, live;
1319
01:28:50,576 --> 01:28:52,406
Rosie!
1320
01:28:52,495 --> 01:28:54,245
80 lugs of fresh fruit;
1321
01:28:54,330 --> 01:28:57,540
45young kumquat trees;
1322
01:28:57,625 --> 01:28:59,705
one ton of fertilizer‒
1323
01:28:59,794 --> 01:29:01,924
Yoo-hoo!
1324
01:29:03,965 --> 01:29:05,925
Whoo-hoo?
1325
01:29:13,808 --> 01:29:18,858
And now, before the recording
secretary reads the minutes
from last week's meeting,
1326
01:29:18,938 --> 01:29:21,818
I wish to bring up a subject
that I know is on...
1327
01:29:21,899 --> 01:29:26,449
everybody's mind... tonight.
1328
01:29:26,529 --> 01:29:28,609
Whoo-ooo.
1329
01:29:48,551 --> 01:29:51,471
♪♪ [Egyptian]
1330
01:30:29,383 --> 01:30:31,763
As I was saying,
gentlemen‒
1331
01:30:31,844 --> 01:30:33,854
[ Gasps]
1332
01:30:33,930 --> 01:30:36,180
[ Shriner Gasps]
[ Gasps ]
1333
01:30:40,311 --> 01:30:42,401
[ Moaning ]
1334
01:30:45,441 --> 01:30:47,361
[Yells]
1335
01:30:54,367 --> 01:30:56,537
Whoo-hoo!
1336
01:31:02,208 --> 01:31:04,128
Yeah!
1337
01:31:04,210 --> 01:31:07,050
[ Shriners Laughing ]
1338
01:31:07,171 --> 01:31:09,671
Hey!
Whoo-whoo-whoo!
1339
01:31:17,723 --> 01:31:19,683
[ Shriners Shout]
1340
01:31:29,735 --> 01:31:31,645
[ Shouts]
1341
01:31:32,905 --> 01:31:35,525
Whoo-hoo!
1342
01:31:35,616 --> 01:31:37,236
Yeah!
1343
01:31:38,411 --> 01:31:40,331
Whoo-yeah.
1344
01:31:40,413 --> 01:31:42,333
Ah.
[ Shouts]
1345
01:31:43,291 --> 01:31:45,211
Hey! Hey!
1346
01:31:45,293 --> 01:31:49,593
[ Shriners Howling,
Chuckling ]
1347
01:31:49,714 --> 01:31:51,924
[ Shouting ]
[ Gasps]
No.
1348
01:31:53,551 --> 01:31:55,511
[ Rosie Gasping ]
1349
01:31:55,595 --> 01:31:58,055
[ Shriners Cheering ]
1350
01:32:08,065 --> 01:32:11,525
Oh. Oh! Oh!
[ Screams ]
[ Shriners ]
Hey!
1351
01:32:11,652 --> 01:32:13,532
[ Whimpering ]
Hey!
1352
01:32:13,654 --> 01:32:15,574
[ Screams ]
Hey!
1353
01:32:15,656 --> 01:32:17,576
[ Screams]
Hey!
1354
01:32:17,658 --> 01:32:20,998
Hey!
Hey!
1355
01:32:21,120 --> 01:32:23,000
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
[ Coughing ]
1356
01:32:23,080 --> 01:32:27,460
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
[ Clanging ]
1357
01:32:27,543 --> 01:32:29,463
[ Screams]
1358
01:32:32,882 --> 01:32:34,802
No! No, listen,
fellas. Stop!
1359
01:32:34,884 --> 01:32:37,434
[ Stammering ]
Haah!
1360
01:32:40,306 --> 01:32:42,306
Rosie!
1361
01:32:43,726 --> 01:32:45,646
[ Screams]
1362
01:32:47,146 --> 01:32:49,476
Albert!
1363
01:32:52,235 --> 01:32:54,565
Whoa-oh!
1364
01:32:54,654 --> 01:32:58,244
Whoa-oh!
1365
01:32:58,324 --> 01:33:00,244
[ Shriners]
Whoo-oo.
1366
01:33:00,326 --> 01:33:04,406
Albert! Whoa!
Ole!
1367
01:33:07,792 --> 01:33:09,712
[ Shriners Cheering,
Shouting ]
1368
01:33:30,356 --> 01:33:32,276
Rosie?
1369
01:33:34,443 --> 01:33:36,363
Rosie, baby?
1370
01:33:42,827 --> 01:33:44,787
Good morning, darling.
1371
01:33:44,870 --> 01:33:47,580
It's way past noon.
Sleep okay, honey?
1372
01:33:47,665 --> 01:33:50,665
Mm-hmm.
I tried not to.
1373
01:33:50,751 --> 01:33:54,051
I wanted to keep reliving
that wonderful moment...
1374
01:33:55,631 --> 01:33:57,881
when my shining knight...
1375
01:33:57,967 --> 01:34:00,757
rushed into
the sultan's cave...
1376
01:34:00,845 --> 01:34:03,095
and carried me off.
1377
01:34:04,557 --> 01:34:06,807
Well, that's just
the beginning.
1378
01:34:06,892 --> 01:34:10,442
Pack. We're taking the bus
to Niagara Falls.
1379
01:34:10,521 --> 01:34:12,441
Oh, yes, dear.
1380
01:34:17,486 --> 01:34:19,566
Rosie?
Hmm?
1381
01:34:19,655 --> 01:34:23,325
You‒ You never saw me
in pajamas before.
1382
01:34:23,409 --> 01:34:25,409
Are you disappointed?
1383
01:34:26,662 --> 01:34:28,622
Mm-mm.
1384
01:34:30,916 --> 01:34:32,876
Are you?
[ Laughs]
1385
01:34:39,842 --> 01:34:41,722
Uh‒
1386
01:34:43,095 --> 01:34:47,015
Let's take a plane
to Niagara Falls.
A jet!
1387
01:34:50,144 --> 01:34:52,404
Oh, Albert,
1388
01:34:52,480 --> 01:34:55,650
we came here
to get your mother set
financially.
1389
01:34:55,733 --> 01:35:00,533
Our marriage wouldn't have
a chance if we started off feeling
guilty about deserting her.
1390
01:35:00,613 --> 01:35:04,333
That's right.
It may be a long time
before I make any money.
1391
01:35:04,408 --> 01:35:06,658
Not if Birdie sang
your song tonight.
1392
01:35:06,744 --> 01:35:11,874
No chance. I pleaded.
They won't shorten the ballet,
not even ten seconds.
1393
01:35:11,957 --> 01:35:15,957
It's the slowest dance I ever saw.
They move like turtles.
1394
01:35:17,296 --> 01:35:19,586
Albert. Albert!
1395
01:35:19,673 --> 01:35:22,013
What?
Randolph!
Randolph!
1396
01:35:27,890 --> 01:35:32,100
Boys, those are
really showstoppers!
Frank, Dean and Sammy.
1397
01:35:32,186 --> 01:35:34,306
Come out here
and take a bow.
1398
01:35:36,023 --> 01:35:40,403
[Applause]
Frank, Dean and Sammy McWilliams.
Thank you, boys.
1399
01:35:40,486 --> 01:35:44,316
Right now, here on our stage,
the magnificent orchestra...
1400
01:35:44,407 --> 01:35:47,657
of American composer-conductor,
Ray Block.
1401
01:35:47,743 --> 01:35:49,663
Now really, let's hear it.
1402
01:35:49,787 --> 01:35:52,707
Well, that oughta do it.
Any questions?
Not at all.
1403
01:35:52,790 --> 01:35:55,380
Okay, I'm going backstage.
Right.
1404
01:35:59,338 --> 01:36:01,968
Don't know why I let
that Albert drag us here.
1405
01:36:02,049 --> 01:36:04,589
Rosie said she might have
a big surprise for us.
1406
01:36:04,677 --> 01:36:07,887
Maybe they'll show us
sitting here on TV.
I bet that's it.
1407
01:36:08,013 --> 01:36:12,353
Where did you get that money?
I sold Mr. Peterson
my chemical set.
1408
01:36:14,895 --> 01:36:18,975
Two minutes, Maestro.
[Maestro]
Borov will be there.
1409
01:36:19,066 --> 01:36:22,646
I've never been late
for performance in whole career.
1410
01:36:24,238 --> 01:36:27,658
You say you from magazine?
Uh, yes,
American Ballet Magazine.
1411
01:36:27,741 --> 01:36:31,791
And we want a picture of
the world's greatest conductor,
Maestro Borov.
1412
01:36:31,871 --> 01:36:36,131
You flatter me.
So, shoot me quick.
1413
01:36:36,208 --> 01:36:38,958
Oh, drinking this milk.
1414
01:36:39,044 --> 01:36:40,964
Milk?
Yes.
1415
01:36:41,046 --> 01:36:44,086
[ Laughs ]
We drink vodka,
little flower.
1416
01:36:44,175 --> 01:36:47,925
Oh, no, well, no.
No, thank you.
Uh, please, Maestro, this milk.
1417
01:36:48,012 --> 01:36:53,062
You see, our President
has asked us to drink more milk
and it would be a goodwill gesture.
1418
01:36:53,142 --> 01:36:55,392
President?
Yes!
1419
01:36:55,478 --> 01:37:00,228
Uh, won't you please, Maestro,
to improve our relations?
1420
01:37:00,316 --> 01:37:02,896
You're pretty enough
to be un-American.
1421
01:37:02,985 --> 01:37:05,395
Ahh.
Ha-ha!
1422
01:37:05,488 --> 01:37:08,698
All right, here we go.
Drink up. That's it.
1423
01:37:08,824 --> 01:37:14,044
[ Shutter Clicks]
Now, keep drinking until I frame
you‒ frame you perfectly.
1424
01:37:14,121 --> 01:37:16,501
All right, once more.
Bottoms up. That's it.
1425
01:37:19,251 --> 01:37:21,341
[ Mumbling ]
1426
01:37:21,420 --> 01:37:23,670
Very good.
1427
01:37:23,756 --> 01:37:27,006
Ah, you got it!
Uh, I mean, gotcha.
1428
01:37:29,637 --> 01:37:31,507
See you after,
could be?
1429
01:37:31,639 --> 01:37:35,349
Oh, I'll catch up with you.
And for you,
I do not go too fast.
1430
01:37:35,434 --> 01:37:37,814
We shall see.
[ Chuckles]
1431
01:37:37,937 --> 01:37:39,897
[ Chuckles]
Good-bye.
1432
01:37:40,022 --> 01:37:42,822
Thank you.
[ Speaking Russian ]
1433
01:37:52,618 --> 01:37:54,578
Mission accomplished.
1434
01:37:54,662 --> 01:37:56,582
He drank it?
Yeah.
1435
01:37:56,664 --> 01:38:00,004
My formula works on chickens
and Randolph's turtle,
but I don't know about humans.
1436
01:38:00,084 --> 01:38:05,134
If it doesn't, we're no worse off;
but if it does, this'll be
the shortest ballet in history.
1437
01:38:05,214 --> 01:38:09,724
Now, ready, America and Canada,
because here we go
out to Columbus, Ohio,
1438
01:38:09,802 --> 01:38:15,062
where the Moscow Ballet
dances the "Rose Adagio" from
Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty,
1439
01:38:15,140 --> 01:38:17,850
conducted by
Maestro Borzoi Borov.
1440
01:38:17,935 --> 01:38:21,225
Take it away, CBS,
Columbus, Ohio.
1441
01:38:21,313 --> 01:38:23,363
We're on.
Up on one.
1442
01:38:23,440 --> 01:38:25,900
[Audience Applauding]
1443
01:38:30,906 --> 01:38:33,406
Lights.
1444
01:38:38,247 --> 01:38:48,247
♪♪
1445
01:38:56,348 --> 01:38:58,928
[Applause ]
1446
01:39:05,566 --> 01:39:08,436
♪♪ [ Harp ]
1447
01:39:38,474 --> 01:39:43,404
- ♪♪ [Orchestra Begins]
- Camera two, can you move to
your right a couple of feet?
1448
01:40:01,121 --> 01:40:03,251
[ Chattering In Russian ]
1449
01:40:14,259 --> 01:40:16,389
Magnificent!
[ Sighs]
1450
01:40:38,575 --> 01:40:41,695
[Whispers]
It's not gonna work.
1451
01:41:10,315 --> 01:41:14,275
♪♪ [ Tempo Increases Rapidly]
1452
01:41:25,330 --> 01:41:28,080
Well, this is crazy.
That's not the way
it was rehearsed.
1453
01:41:28,167 --> 01:41:32,497
- [ Scattered Laughter]
- What is it? What's the matter?
1454
01:41:32,588 --> 01:41:35,168
[ Chattering In Russian ]
1455
01:41:35,257 --> 01:41:37,837
What happened?
[ Chuckling ]
1456
01:41:47,895 --> 01:41:50,265
[Audience Laughing ]
1457
01:41:50,355 --> 01:41:53,435
Borov! Borov!
1458
01:42:04,369 --> 01:42:07,959
Hello.
[ Russian ]
Ed Sullivan.
1459
01:42:10,083 --> 01:42:13,003
[ Russian ]
1460
01:42:13,086 --> 01:42:15,706
[ Crowd Chuckling ]
1461
01:42:19,802 --> 01:42:22,012
[ Laughing ]
1462
01:42:26,058 --> 01:42:29,898
[ Laughing ]
1463
01:42:29,978 --> 01:42:33,858
Bob! Bob!
We'll have to kill some time.
Put the Birdie song back in.
1464
01:42:33,941 --> 01:42:38,491
Got ya, Ed. Take over.
Be prepared for the Birdie spot.
1465
01:42:45,452 --> 01:42:48,712
Albert, "One Last Kiss"
is back in. Find Conrad.
Rosie, get Kim.
1466
01:42:48,831 --> 01:42:52,501
Right.
Put the Birdie spot on stage.
And let's go, go, go!
1467
01:42:55,170 --> 01:42:58,260
[Laughing Continues]
1468
01:43:02,761 --> 01:43:06,061
McAfee, hurry up. Come on.
Let's go. The song is back in.
1469
01:43:06,139 --> 01:43:08,559
What?
Come on!
Let's go!
1470
01:43:24,867 --> 01:43:27,787
[Crowd Laughs]
1471
01:43:32,457 --> 01:43:34,707
Are you crazy, Borov?
1472
01:43:43,468 --> 01:43:45,008
♪♪ [Music Ends]
1473
01:43:45,137 --> 01:43:47,927
[Yelling In Russian ]
[Crowd Laughing, Applauding]
1474
01:43:51,643 --> 01:43:54,353
Aye, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi!
1475
01:43:59,985 --> 01:44:03,235
I've never seen
such speed in dancers.
Thank you, Moscow Ballet...
1476
01:44:03,322 --> 01:44:05,572
for that brilliant and
unexpected bit of burlesque.
1477
01:44:05,657 --> 01:44:10,077
And now, another great treat:
Conrad Birdie. Yee-hoo!
1478
01:44:10,162 --> 01:44:13,172
[ Girls Screaming ]
1479
01:44:19,004 --> 01:44:21,884
[ Hysterical Screaming ]
1480
01:44:32,684 --> 01:44:35,854
- [ Mouthing Words]
- What‒
1481
01:44:38,690 --> 01:44:42,950
[ Sighs ]
On behalf of all the members
of the Sweet Apple chapter...
1482
01:44:43,070 --> 01:44:46,370
of the Conrad Birdie
Fan Club,
[Girls Screaming]
1483
01:44:50,744 --> 01:44:54,124
we wish to express to you
our great pride...
1484
01:44:54,206 --> 01:44:56,286
in your brave deed.
Hiya, Ed.
1485
01:44:56,375 --> 01:44:59,535
- Oh, no.
- [ Mouthing Words]
1486
01:45:01,254 --> 01:45:04,224
Oh, hi. How are ya?
1487
01:45:10,180 --> 01:45:14,640
I wish to convey our deep pride
in your brave deed, namely‒
1488
01:45:14,726 --> 01:45:19,146
As a citizen, I'm proud to have
Conrad defend my... family...
1489
01:45:19,231 --> 01:45:21,571
and the McAfee Fertilizer
Company.
1490
01:45:23,068 --> 01:45:25,148
Conrad, sing.
1491
01:45:26,405 --> 01:45:29,445
♪ Oh, one last kiss ♪
1492
01:45:29,574 --> 01:45:32,244
[ Girls Screaming ]
♪ Gimme one last kiss ♪
1493
01:45:32,327 --> 01:45:36,827
♪ It never felt like this
Nah, baby, not like this ♪
1494
01:45:36,915 --> 01:45:40,835
♪ Ya know
I need your love
Uh, uh, oh ♪
1495
01:45:40,919 --> 01:45:43,709
♪ Gimme one last kiss ♪
1496
01:45:43,797 --> 01:45:46,337
♪ One last kiss ♪
1497
01:45:46,425 --> 01:45:50,175
♪ One more time
Baby, one more time ♪
1498
01:45:50,262 --> 01:45:54,682
♪ It really is sublime
Ah, honey, so sublime ♪
1499
01:45:54,766 --> 01:45:59,516
♪ Ya know
I need your love
Uh, uh, oh ♪
1500
01:45:59,604 --> 01:46:01,444
♪ Gimme one last kiss ♪
1501
01:46:01,523 --> 01:46:03,903
♪ One last kiss ♪
1502
01:46:03,984 --> 01:46:05,904
[ Girls Sighing ]
1503
01:46:05,986 --> 01:46:09,026
♪ Ba-a-a-a-by♪
1504
01:46:09,114 --> 01:46:12,834
♪ Gi-ive me one last kiss♪
1505
01:46:13,910 --> 01:46:17,870
♪ Ba-a-a-a-by♪
1506
01:46:17,956 --> 01:46:20,036
♪ Give me one las‒♪♪
1507
01:46:20,125 --> 01:46:22,415
[ People Gasping ]
1508
01:46:22,502 --> 01:46:25,552
[Crowd Chattering]
1509
01:46:29,051 --> 01:46:32,221
[ Mrs. Peterson ]
Yoo-hoo! Albert!
1510
01:46:32,304 --> 01:46:34,314
[ Shoes Squeaking ]
Albert!
1511
01:46:34,389 --> 01:46:38,809
Albert, I saw it all on TV.
"One Last Kiss" was a disaster.
1512
01:46:38,894 --> 01:46:41,524
Who wants to buy a record
of a guy with a glass jaw?
1513
01:46:41,646 --> 01:46:44,776
Now, will you take Mama's advice
and get out of show business?
I am!
1514
01:46:44,858 --> 01:46:48,238
My song may be dead,
but my chemical formula
works on people.
1515
01:46:48,320 --> 01:46:50,570
Shh. The Russians
may have this place bugged.
1516
01:46:50,655 --> 01:46:54,825
It was Albert's formula
that made the orchestra leader
go that fast.
1517
01:46:54,910 --> 01:46:59,540
My genius! Oh! You gotta
work on my cleaning woman.
She gets a dollar an hour.
1518
01:46:59,664 --> 01:47:02,084
[ Chuckles]
Yeah. Mama‒
1519
01:47:04,044 --> 01:47:07,304
Mama, Rosie and I
are going to Niagara Falls.
1520
01:47:09,007 --> 01:47:11,797
Well...
1521
01:47:12,886 --> 01:47:15,466
it's about time.
1522
01:47:19,226 --> 01:47:22,596
Oh, Mae,
you have to come with us!
1523
01:47:22,687 --> 01:47:25,937
No. I'm one mother who
doesn't mix in. Maude!
1524
01:47:26,024 --> 01:47:28,444
Don't fall in
the pit, Maude.
1525
01:47:29,528 --> 01:47:31,278
[ Clears Throat]
Albert.
Yes?
1526
01:47:31,363 --> 01:47:33,663
I would like to
do things proper,
1527
01:47:33,740 --> 01:47:36,540
so I would like the honor
of becoming your stepfather.
1528
01:47:38,036 --> 01:47:40,906
Is it all right, Albert?
1529
01:47:40,997 --> 01:47:43,247
Mama, with my blessing!
1530
01:47:43,375 --> 01:47:46,495
Oh, I'm so glad,
because we just got married.
Yes.
1531
01:47:47,879 --> 01:47:51,299
- [ Laughs] What a surprise.
- Oh, how exciting.
1532
01:47:51,383 --> 01:47:54,303
Oh, it's beautiful.
Oh, congratulations.
1533
01:47:54,427 --> 01:47:58,137
Thank you very much.
Let's go, Maudie.
We're leaving for Akron.
1534
01:47:58,223 --> 01:48:01,523
Hubby has to open a new bar
and he wants me to throw out
the first beer can.
1535
01:48:01,601 --> 01:48:03,691
[Maude]
Yeah, good-bye, son.
1536
01:48:03,812 --> 01:48:06,692
Niagara Falls is wet,
so take your rubbers!
Bye!
1537
01:48:06,773 --> 01:48:09,823
[Albert] Yes, Mrs. Maude.
How about that Maude
and Mrs. Peterson?
1538
01:48:09,901 --> 01:48:11,991
- Oh, ready here, Albert.
- Be right with you.
1539
01:48:12,070 --> 01:48:16,320
No hurry, partner.
I promise you one thing,
snookums.
1540
01:48:16,408 --> 01:48:19,078
No matter how many millions
I make selling Speed-Up,
1541
01:48:19,161 --> 01:48:22,001
I'll still be
the same humble,
lovable guy.
1542
01:48:22,080 --> 01:48:26,670
And if any of those hicks
try to push me around,
I'll break 'em.
1543
01:48:26,751 --> 01:48:29,171
♪♪ [Piano Run]
1544
01:48:29,254 --> 01:48:32,764
♪ Everything is Rosie ♪
1545
01:48:32,883 --> 01:48:37,183
♪ Since I found my Rosie ♪
Same old words.
1546
01:48:37,262 --> 01:48:41,022
♪ With a girl like Rosie ♪
1547
01:48:41,099 --> 01:48:43,189
[Together]
♪ How could I be blue ♪
1548
01:48:43,268 --> 01:48:45,188
Same eight bars.
Now what?
1549
01:48:45,270 --> 01:48:48,900
♪ Hand in hand we'll mosey ♪
1550
01:48:48,982 --> 01:48:51,192
♪ Me and little Rosie ♪
1551
01:48:52,777 --> 01:48:55,067
♪ We will be so cozy ♪
1552
01:48:55,155 --> 01:48:58,365
♪ By a fire built for two ♪
1553
01:48:58,450 --> 01:49:00,700
Oh, Albert,
you're too much.
1554
01:49:00,785 --> 01:49:04,655
♪ Oh, I once heard a poem
that goes ♪
1555
01:49:04,748 --> 01:49:08,378
♪ "A rose is a rose
is a rose" ♪
1556
01:49:08,460 --> 01:49:12,380
♪ But I don't agree
Take it from me ♪
1557
01:49:12,464 --> 01:49:15,934
♪ There's one Rose sweeter
than any that grows ♪
1558
01:49:16,009 --> 01:49:18,139
♪ And that's my Rosie ♪
1559
01:49:19,262 --> 01:49:22,892
♪ I'm so glad she chose me ♪
1560
01:49:22,974 --> 01:49:25,644
♪ Life is one sweet♪
1561
01:49:25,727 --> 01:49:28,727
♪ Beautiful song to me ♪
1562
01:49:28,813 --> 01:49:32,573
♪ Everything is Hugo ♪
1563
01:49:32,651 --> 01:49:36,401
♪ I will go where you go ♪
1564
01:49:36,488 --> 01:49:40,528
♪ With a boy like Hugo ♪
1565
01:49:40,617 --> 01:49:43,697
♪ How could I be blue ♪
1566
01:49:44,788 --> 01:49:48,458
♪ We will be so cozy ♪
1567
01:49:48,541 --> 01:49:52,421
♪ Just like Al and Rosie ♪
1568
01:49:52,504 --> 01:49:55,264
[Together]
♪ But we're gonna mosey ♪
1569
01:49:55,340 --> 01:49:58,430
♪ In a hot rod built for two ♪
1570
01:50:00,512 --> 01:50:04,392
- ♪ And that's my Rosie ♪
- ♪ Gee, how delighted we'll be ♪
1571
01:50:04,516 --> 01:50:08,556
♪ I'm so glad she chose me ♪
♪ When you are cozy with me ♪
1572
01:50:08,645 --> 01:50:12,815
[Together]
♪ Life is one sweet
beautiful song ♪
1573
01:50:12,899 --> 01:50:17,109
♪ When love is right
then what could be wrong ♪
1574
01:50:17,195 --> 01:50:19,315
♪ Life is one sweet ♪
1575
01:50:19,406 --> 01:50:23,736
♪ Beautiful song to me ♪♪
1576
01:50:23,827 --> 01:50:27,907
♪♪
1577
01:50:27,998 --> 01:50:32,338
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
1578
01:50:32,419 --> 01:50:36,209
♪ The army's got you now ♪
1579
01:50:36,298 --> 01:50:40,638
♪ I'll try, Birdie ♪
1580
01:50:40,719 --> 01:50:45,889
♪ To forget somehow ♪
[ Sighs]
1581
01:50:45,974 --> 01:50:51,024
♪ No more sighing ♪
1582
01:50:51,104 --> 01:50:54,774
♪ Each time
you move those lips ♪
1583
01:50:54,858 --> 01:50:59,238
♪ No more dying ♪
1584
01:50:59,321 --> 01:51:02,821
♪ When you twitch
those hips ♪
1585
01:51:02,907 --> 01:51:06,997
♪ Your swivel and your sway
Your super-duper class ♪
1586
01:51:07,078 --> 01:51:12,168
♪ There's nothing left to say
but, Conrad, you're a gas ♪
1587
01:51:13,835 --> 01:51:18,335
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
1588
01:51:18,423 --> 01:51:22,013
♪ Ta-ta, ol' sweetie pie ♪
1589
01:51:22,093 --> 01:51:26,473
♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪
1590
01:51:26,556 --> 01:51:30,516
♪ Time for me to fly ♪
1591
01:51:30,602 --> 01:51:34,982
♪ Time for me to fly ♪
1592
01:51:35,065 --> 01:51:40,195
♪ Time to say good-bye ♪♪
1593
01:51:40,278 --> 01:51:42,198
Bye now.
123389
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Kazakh
Khmer
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
