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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,891 --> 00:00:17,351 ♪♪ [Rock 'N' Roll] 2 00:00:21,398 --> 00:00:26,148 ♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪ 3 00:00:26,236 --> 00:00:29,856 ♪ I'm gonna miss you so ♪ 4 00:00:29,948 --> 00:00:34,368 ♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪ 5 00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:37,162 ♪ Why'd ya have to go ♪ 6 00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:40,168 [Girls] ♪ Bye, bye ♪ [ Sobs] 7 00:00:40,291 --> 00:00:44,801 ♪ No more sunshine ♪ ♪ Sunshine ♪ 8 00:00:44,921 --> 00:00:48,511 ♪ It's followed you away ♪ ♪ You away♪ 9 00:00:48,633 --> 00:00:52,853 ♪ I'll cry, Birdie ♪ ♪ Birdie♪ 10 00:00:52,929 --> 00:00:56,429 ♪ Till you're home to stay ♪ 11 00:00:56,516 --> 00:01:00,646 ♪ I'll miss the way you smile As though it's just for me ♪ 12 00:01:00,729 --> 00:01:06,319 ♪ And each and every night I'll write you faithfully ♪ 13 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:11,990 ♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪ 14 00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:15,663 ♪ It's awful hard to bear ♪ 15 00:01:15,744 --> 00:01:20,084 ♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪ 16 00:01:20,165 --> 00:01:24,375 ♪ Guess I'll always care ♪ 17 00:01:24,461 --> 00:01:28,631 ♪ Guess I'll always care ♪ 18 00:01:28,715 --> 00:01:32,585 ♪ Guess I'll always care ♪♪ 19 00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:47,570 [ Girls Screaming ] 20 00:02:08,213 --> 00:02:10,223 [ Girls Screaming ] 21 00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:23,649 Look! Look! 22 00:02:33,071 --> 00:02:36,121 [ Chattering In Chinese ] 23 00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:43,044 I'm gonna enter you in Washington. 24 00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,127 Hey! Hey! Ho! Hey! 25 00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:49,089 Look! Look! Hey! Oooh, hey! 26 00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:52,090 [Women Screaming ] 27 00:03:12,110 --> 00:03:14,650 [Girls] ♪ We love you, Conrad♪ 28 00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:17,487 ♪ Oh, yes, we do ♪ 29 00:03:17,574 --> 00:03:20,204 ♪ We love you, Conrad♪ 30 00:03:20,285 --> 00:03:22,995 ♪ And we'll be true ♪ 31 00:03:23,079 --> 00:03:25,999 ♪ When you're not near us ♪ 32 00:03:26,082 --> 00:03:28,752 ♪ We're blue ♪ 33 00:03:28,835 --> 00:03:34,125 ♪ Oh, Conrad We love you ♪ 34 00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,885 ♪ We love you, Conrad ♪ 35 00:03:36,968 --> 00:03:39,598 This is John Daly reporting with the CBS mobile unit... 36 00:03:39,679 --> 00:03:42,179 in front of the nation's capital... 37 00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:46,805 bringing you special on-the-spot coverage of our current teenage crisis... 38 00:03:46,895 --> 00:03:49,435 over the drafting of Conrad Birdie. 39 00:03:49,522 --> 00:03:53,402 Sociologists agree that Birdie is a phenomenon. 40 00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:57,414 And for those few music lovers who have never attended one of his concerts, 41 00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:01,488 here are some news photos tracing his meteoric rise. 42 00:04:43,868 --> 00:04:47,828 And that‒ that is our army's newest weapon. 43 00:04:47,914 --> 00:04:51,544 Private Birdie reports for his induction in ten days. 44 00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:55,756 His income drops from two million dollars a year... 45 00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:58,008 to $78 a month. 46 00:04:58,091 --> 00:05:01,221 It could only happen in America. 47 00:05:04,514 --> 00:05:06,644 Why? 48 00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:09,394 Why did they have to draft him? 49 00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:12,307 Just when I finally write a song he's gonna do. 50 00:05:12,397 --> 00:05:14,647 The title song of his next picture. 51 00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:17,572 "Mumbo Jumbo Gooey Gumbo." 52 00:05:17,652 --> 00:05:19,992 Now there's no picture. 53 00:05:20,071 --> 00:05:22,571 There's nothing. 54 00:05:26,119 --> 00:05:31,459 Albert, I have your financial statement if you really want to hear it. 55 00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:35,132 Total assets: $312.08. [ Coughing ] 56 00:05:35,253 --> 00:05:38,803 Liabilities: $4,030. [ Choking ] 57 00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:40,801 You‒ 58 00:05:44,804 --> 00:05:47,774 Confidentially, you're a fiscal fiasco. 59 00:05:47,849 --> 00:05:49,769 Good-bye, Albert. 60 00:05:49,851 --> 00:05:52,401 It's a sad ending to a long association. 61 00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:55,608 Yeah. Oh, don't you wanna say good-bye to Pidge? 62 00:06:01,696 --> 00:06:05,946 Almaelou's busted, Pidge. Better get yourself another meal ticket. 63 00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:10,830 In six years, I never sold one lousy song. 64 00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:13,463 Maybe they weren't lousy enough. 65 00:06:15,835 --> 00:06:19,835 I don't care so much about myself, 66 00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:22,552 but I'm my mother's sole support. 67 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,093 I've wasted every cent my father left Mama‒ 68 00:06:25,178 --> 00:06:28,218 It's not your fault. Your mother wants you to be a songwriter. 69 00:06:28,306 --> 00:06:31,596 You can make a good living as a biochemist. 70 00:06:31,684 --> 00:06:35,774 That's a wonderful profession. But Mama, she wants‒ 71 00:06:35,855 --> 00:06:41,145 Just because she was once in vaudeville doesn't mean that you belong in show business. 72 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:45,735 Confidentially, I respect my mother, but I do what I want. 73 00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:49,493 Well, Mama's sensitive. When I upset her, she faints. 74 00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:53,657 Why, with your ideas, you can make a fortune in chemistry. 75 00:06:53,748 --> 00:06:57,918 Chemistry. Chemistry. Chemistry! 76 00:06:58,002 --> 00:07:01,422 You sound like Rosie. Where is she? Where's Rosie? 77 00:07:01,506 --> 00:07:05,756 She phoned. She heard about Birdie being drafted. Said she was gonna see Ed Sullivan. 78 00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:08,013 Sure, to get another job. 79 00:07:08,096 --> 00:07:12,596 Oh, fine secretary. Why, we have been practically engaged! 80 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,943 Just waiting for an okay from Mama. 81 00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:17,609 Now when I hit bottom, Rosie deserts me. 82 00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:20,608 Quits before my body's even warm. 83 00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:22,611 Ed Sullivan! 84 00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:27,530 Would you send in Rosie De Leon, please. 85 00:07:29,784 --> 00:07:33,624 [ Sighs ] I-Is it yes, Mr. Sullivan? It's just got to be yes. 86 00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:35,714 Rosie, it is yes. 87 00:07:35,790 --> 00:07:38,790 Oh, hallelujah! Oh, I love you! 88 00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:41,956 Oh, that's marvelous! Oh, I love you too! I'm so glad! 89 00:07:42,046 --> 00:07:45,006 Miss De Leon. I'd like you to meet our producer Bob Precht. 90 00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:48,053 Oh, hi, how are you? Well, it's my pleasure. 91 00:07:48,136 --> 00:07:51,006 You know, Rosie, if you can overcome your shyness, tell me, 92 00:07:51,097 --> 00:07:53,977 what's our using Birdie on the show got to do with you? 93 00:07:54,058 --> 00:07:58,228 Let's face it, I'm a scheming woman. I have a promotion idea that'll knock you out. 94 00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,652 If you buy it, I want a little favor. 95 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,691 All right, let's try it on for size. 96 00:08:02,775 --> 00:08:05,855 How'd you like a terrific buildup before the show... 97 00:08:05,945 --> 00:08:08,865 that'll have every TV set tuned in to you next Sunday? 98 00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:11,828 We will have. After all, we've got the Moscow Ballet and Birdie. 99 00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:14,079 This is bigger. Bigger. 100 00:08:14,162 --> 00:08:18,122 Before Conrad Birdie goes into the army, he bestows a farewell kiss on all the swooning girls... 101 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:21,037 who worship him on your TV show. 102 00:08:21,127 --> 00:08:24,547 After all, it's only an hour show and Birdie only gets four minutes. 103 00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:27,300 He kisses them all symbolically. 104 00:08:27,425 --> 00:08:29,255 What'd you say? Symbolically. 105 00:08:29,385 --> 00:08:32,845 Actually, he'll only kiss one girl. He kisses only one girl? 106 00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:35,600 Can't you see it? Birdie, their idol, their leader, 107 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,943 kissing one fabulously lucky teenage tessie? 108 00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:40,610 Yeah! It'll melt every bobby pin in America. 109 00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:44,068 It's gigantic! The newspapers'll eat it up. Think of the advance publicity. 110 00:08:44,192 --> 00:08:48,572 Rosie, get Birdie's fan club file right away, and get us a girl from Ohio. Gotcha. 111 00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:51,204 Bob, we'll do it from the stage of the outdoor theater, 112 00:08:51,324 --> 00:08:53,624 Columbus, Ohio, right after the Ballet. I'll get the girl. 113 00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:56,201 The network will handle all the physical details. 114 00:08:56,287 --> 00:08:59,367 And after the kiss, Birdie sings a big song. 115 00:08:59,457 --> 00:09:01,997 And that's where Rosie gets her payoff. 116 00:09:02,126 --> 00:09:04,246 I don't get it. The song is "One Last Kiss." 117 00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,758 Never heard of it. Hasn't been written yet. 118 00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:09,219 And who is going to write this classic? 119 00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:12,050 Who else, but my future husband, Mr. Albert F. Peterson? 120 00:09:12,178 --> 00:09:15,428 Who else? Birdie's been wanting to give Albert a break for six years. 121 00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:17,734 I know he'll use the song if you say so. 122 00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:20,388 Okay, in a spot like this, any song will do, 123 00:09:20,478 --> 00:09:23,228 even though it's written by your ever-loving Albert. 124 00:09:23,314 --> 00:09:27,404 - Thank you, Mr. Sullivan. - With a plug like this, that song'll sell a million records. 125 00:09:27,485 --> 00:09:29,395 Man, what royalties! 126 00:09:29,487 --> 00:09:31,357 Well, we can sure use the money. 127 00:09:31,489 --> 00:09:35,079 Any day now, Albert and I will have another mouth to feed. [Sullivan] Rosie. 128 00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:38,499 - You're not even married yet. - His mother. 129 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,499 Oh? Bye. 130 00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:42,921 Carmine, get me the publishing department right away! 131 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,630 This batch'll do. Get 'em ready for mailing right away. 132 00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,512 Hi, Marge. Hi. 133 00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:51,721 I need one of your fans from Ohio. You can have 'em all. 134 00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,262 Try file number six. Okay. 135 00:09:54,345 --> 00:09:58,515 Uh, six‒ Here we go. I'm about to make some ga-ga little goof a queen. 136 00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,519 Ohhh. 137 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,979 Hey, cute. 138 00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:10,704 Long distance. I want, uh... Miss Kim McAfee, Sweet Apple 135, Sweet Apple, Ohio. 139 00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:14,238 Oh, Marge, it's amazing what a woman has to do to get a man to marry her. 140 00:10:14,365 --> 00:10:17,115 You mean you doped Albert's mother? [ Laughs ] No. 141 00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:19,791 But if this doesn't work, that's my next move. 142 00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:22,960 What, operator? The line's busy. Well, um, uh, never mind. 143 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,880 I'll try later. Thank you. 144 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,920 Oh, Marge, right now, there's a kid named Kim McAfee... 145 00:10:29,005 --> 00:10:31,795 in Sweet Apple, Ohio, gabbing on the telephone, 146 00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:36,222 but little does she realize I'm about to make her immortal. [ Chuckles] 147 00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:43,098 [ Girl ] Hello? Hello, Urse? This is Kim. 148 00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:46,855 And if I don't tell somebody, I'm just gonna burst. 149 00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:50,319 So, Ursula, you are the very first to know. 150 00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:53,451 I just got pinned by Hugo Peabody. 151 00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:57,949 Oh, no! Kim McAfee, you didn't! You really got pinned? 152 00:10:58,034 --> 00:11:02,084 You mean you and Hugo have a permanent understanding? 153 00:11:02,163 --> 00:11:06,133 Uh-huh. Oh, it's Hugo and I... forever. 154 00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,798 Crazy, crazy! Tell me, Kim. 155 00:11:09,879 --> 00:11:14,839 How do you absolutely feel... in your deepest, secret soul? 156 00:11:16,635 --> 00:11:20,135 It's like‒ It's like I've been reborn. 157 00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:24,812 It's like all my life until this very moment, I was nothing. 158 00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:27,765 It's like‒ Kim, I must use the phone. I've got to call Grandma. 159 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,855 In a second, Mom. Hey, listen, Ursula, I'm gonna have to get off. 160 00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:33,443 Where was I? You were nothing. 161 00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:37,367 Oh, yeah. And now I'm alive. 162 00:11:37,448 --> 00:11:39,408 Fulfilled. 163 00:11:39,492 --> 00:11:42,372 Now I know what it means to be a woman. 164 00:11:42,453 --> 00:11:44,543 It should only happen to me. 165 00:11:44,622 --> 00:11:47,382 Kim, where did he pin you? 166 00:11:47,458 --> 00:11:51,338 On the back seat. Oh, bless that lovely yellow school bus. 167 00:11:51,462 --> 00:11:55,382 Kim, hurry, please. Yeah, hang up, Kim, so I can spread the word. 168 00:11:55,466 --> 00:11:57,426 Okay, bye, Urse. 169 00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:09,397 [Phone Ringing] 170 00:12:11,357 --> 00:12:14,737 [ Ursula ] ♪ Hi, Nancy ♪ ♪ Hi, Ursula ♪ 171 00:12:14,819 --> 00:12:16,739 ♪ What's the story morning glory ♪ 172 00:12:16,821 --> 00:12:18,741 ♪ What's the tale nightingale ♪ 173 00:12:18,823 --> 00:12:21,913 - ♪ Did you hear about Hugo and Kim ♪ - ♪ Hi, Margie ♪ 174 00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:25,962 ♪ Hi, Alice What's the story morning glory ♪ 175 00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:30,038 ♪ What's the word, hummingbird Have you heard about Hugo and Kim ♪ 176 00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:33,706 [All Girls ] ♪ Did they really get pinned Did she kiss him and cry ♪ 177 00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:36,876 ♪ Did he pin the pin on Or was he too shy ♪ 178 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,257 ♪ Well, I heard they got pinned ♪ [ Boys] ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 179 00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:41,255 ♪ I was hopin' they would ♪ ♪ Uh-huh ♪ 180 00:12:41,387 --> 00:12:43,967 ♪ Now they're livin' at last Goin' steady for good ♪ ♪ He's gone ♪ 181 00:12:44,056 --> 00:12:47,556 ♪ Hello, Mr. Henkel This is Harvey Johnson ♪ 182 00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:50,863 [Voice Cracking ] ♪ Can I talk to Penelope Ann ♪ 183 00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:52,860 ♪ Is it true about Kim ♪ ♪ Penelope ♪ 184 00:12:52,982 --> 00:12:54,862 ♪ I just knew it somehow ♪ ♪ About the prom ♪ 185 00:12:54,984 --> 00:12:57,704 ♪ I must call her right up I can't talk to you now ♪ ♪ Saturday ♪ 186 00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,953 ♪ Goin' steady ♪ [ Boys ] ♪ You know it, man ♪ 187 00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:03,954 ♪ Goin' steady ♪ ♪ It's crazy, man ♪ 188 00:13:04,076 --> 00:13:05,786 ♪ Goin' steady ♪ ♪ You know it ♪ 189 00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:09,170 - ♪ It won't last ♪ - ♪ Not at all ♪ 190 00:13:09,248 --> 00:13:12,208 - ♪ He's too thin ♪ - ♪ She's too tall ♪ 191 00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:15,883 ♪ Hello, Mrs. Miller This is Harvey Johnson ♪ 192 00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:20,183 [Voice Cracking ] ♪ Can I speak to Debra Sue ♪ 193 00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:25,889 ♪ Hiya, Hugo Hiya, stupid ♪ 194 00:13:26,015 --> 00:13:29,555 ♪ What'd ya wanna go get pinned for ♪ ♪ You don't know how to live ♪ 195 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,563 ♪ You meathead ♪ ♪ You'd get pinned if you could ♪ 196 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,555 ♪ Lost your marbles ♪ ♪ Kim and I are in love ♪ 197 00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:36,527 - ♪ Are you nutty ♪ - ♪ Goin' steady for‒ ♪ - ♪ Hello, Mrs. Garfein ♪ 198 00:13:36,609 --> 00:13:38,489 ♪ Is Charity home from school yet ♪ 199 00:13:38,611 --> 00:13:41,201 ♪ Did they really get pinned Goin' steady ♪ ♪ He's gone ♪ 200 00:13:41,322 --> 00:13:43,282 ♪ I was hopin' they would Goin' steady ♪ ♪ He's gone ♪ 201 00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,827 ♪ They're livin' at last Goin' steady for good ♪ ♪ She nailed him ♪ 202 00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:49,000 ♪ If ya gotta go That's the way to go ♪ 203 00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:52,711 ♪ When they got you hooked Then you're really cooked ♪ ♪ Ooo-ooo ♪ 204 00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:55,461 ♪ Whatcha gonna do Whatcha gonna do ♪ ♪ Ooo-ooo ♪ 205 00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:57,546 ♪ Well, I heard they got pinned ♪ ♪ Oh, man ♪ 206 00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,551 ♪ I was thinkin' they would ♪ ♪ Oh, man ♪ 207 00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,223 ♪ Now they're livin' at last Goin' steady for good ♪ ♪ Oh, man ♪ 208 00:14:02,343 --> 00:14:05,803 ♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady goin' steady for good ♪ ♪ Ooo, ooo, ooo ♪ 209 00:14:05,930 --> 00:14:09,270 ♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady goin' steady for good♪ ♪ Ooo, ooo, ooo ♪ 210 00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:12,520 ♪ He's in love with Kim Kim's in love with him ♪ 211 00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:16,693 ♪ Well, well, do tell ♪ ♪ Goin' steady Goin' steady for good ♪ 212 00:14:16,774 --> 00:14:20,784 ♪ Well, well, do tell ♪ ♪ Goin' steady Goin' steady for good ♪ 213 00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:23,613 ♪ That's the way it should be They'll be happy, I know ♪ ♪ Oh yeah, oh yeah ♪ 214 00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:27,159 ♪ Goin' steady for me That's the way it should go ♪ ♪ Oh yeah, oh yeah ♪ 215 00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:30,544 ♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady ♪ ♪ Goin' steady Steady for good ♪ 216 00:14:30,663 --> 00:14:34,003 ♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady ♪ ♪ Goin' steady Steady for good ♪ 217 00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:37,214 ♪ Goin' steady, goin' steady ♪ ♪ Goin' steady Steady for ♪ 218 00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,214 ♪ Goin' steady ♪ 219 00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:43,546 ♪ Oooh... yeah ♪♪ 220 00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:50,886 [ Cooing ] 221 00:14:50,975 --> 00:14:53,305 Poor Pidge. 222 00:14:53,394 --> 00:14:55,314 He'll starve. 223 00:14:57,523 --> 00:15:00,733 Here, Pidge. Here, Pidgie. Here, boy. 224 00:15:00,818 --> 00:15:03,898 [ Humming, Gasps] 225 00:15:03,988 --> 00:15:06,738 - Albert! - Here, Pidgie. 226 00:15:06,824 --> 00:15:10,204 Albert, no, no! Don't jump! Don't jump! 227 00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:13,247 Albert, it's all right. Everything's all right. Rose. Rose. 228 00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:15,420 Come on back. Don't worry about‒ 229 00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:17,749 Come on. Ooh, Albert. 230 00:15:17,835 --> 00:15:21,165 Oh. Oh. Oh, thank heavens I got here in time. 231 00:15:21,255 --> 00:15:23,335 You almost pushed me out. 232 00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:26,385 It's all right. I just came from Ed Sullivan's office. Sullivan! 233 00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,390 Yes. Go to work for Ed Sullivan. 234 00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:31,432 Leap from the sinking ship while the house is on fire. No‒ 235 00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:34,055 But hear this, Miss De Leon. I was loyal. 236 00:15:34,143 --> 00:15:37,313 All the years I've employed you, I never looked for a job behind your back. 237 00:15:37,438 --> 00:15:41,228 I went to Sullivan's office‒ Don't explain. You owe me nothing. 238 00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:44,398 Even though you were molded by me. Molded. 239 00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:47,486 Yeah, like, like that Eliza Doolittle got moldy from Pygmalion. 240 00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:50,445 I was molded? Where were you when I found you anyway? 241 00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:55,254 Hostess at La Casa Enchilada Taco and Tamale Shop. 242 00:15:55,331 --> 00:16:00,041 Well‒ Well, sorry I interrupted you! 243 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:02,837 A man of my ilk does not commit suicide. 244 00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:06,591 I've had just about enough of your kind of ilks too. 245 00:16:08,636 --> 00:16:13,386 Suicide is for cowards. I don't desert the woman I love. 246 00:16:18,479 --> 00:16:21,609 Oh, Albert, I'm‒ I'm... sorry. 247 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,320 [ Sighs] I should have known. 248 00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:27,533 Mama would never get over it. Mama? 249 00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,906 Mam‒ [ Stammers, Sighs] 250 00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:36,827 What's the matter? I'm the prize dope of all time. 251 00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:40,214 Thinkin' I could pry you away from your Mama's ever-lovin' tentacles. 252 00:16:40,292 --> 00:16:44,802 Rosie, I will thank you to leave my mother out of this. Maybe she does influence me, slightly. 253 00:16:44,922 --> 00:16:47,682 Slightly? Ha! She is old and frail. 254 00:16:47,758 --> 00:16:51,138 Which I will be, too, at this rate. Oh, I don't blame you, Albert. 255 00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:55,350 I was living in fantasy, telling myself you were serious. 256 00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:58,522 Oh, Rosie, I was. 257 00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:01,562 I am... in here. 258 00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:05,857 Oh, I've thought about marrying you every day, 259 00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:08,033 a lot of nights too. 260 00:17:08,112 --> 00:17:11,872 I've spent six years on Project Albert. 261 00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:15,789 Well, now, I haven't got the right. 262 00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:19,916 I can't offer you security. 263 00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:24,799 A wonderful girl like you, 264 00:17:27,131 --> 00:17:31,551 you deserve more from a husband than just personality and good looks. 265 00:17:37,975 --> 00:17:41,265 But I'll always love you, Rosie. 266 00:17:46,358 --> 00:17:49,698 You'd better always love me, you nut, 267 00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:53,823 because you're stuck with me. 268 00:17:55,576 --> 00:18:00,326 Now, you've always worried about repaying your mother, right? 269 00:18:00,414 --> 00:18:03,504 Well, from now on, she'll be set for life. 270 00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:07,804 She can sit around on her big, fat trust fund and you and I will have our own little house‒ 271 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,180 No! I don't care what Sullivan pays you, no woman is supporting Albert Peterson. 272 00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:14,470 Oh, you're not listening, darling. I am not a gigolo. 273 00:18:14,553 --> 00:18:18,813 Will you get to that piano and start composing? 274 00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:22,812 Mary, I want Kim McAfee, Sweet Apple 135, Sweet Apple, Ohio. I'm through composing. 275 00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:24,935 I was always through, but now I know it. 276 00:18:25,022 --> 00:18:28,072 Yeah, that's right. You're a biochemist, but this is one song you can sell. 277 00:18:28,192 --> 00:18:30,112 Huh? Okay, call me back. 278 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:32,905 As I was saying, huh? Gee, you're slow today. 279 00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:36,198 Now, you are going to write a song called "One Last Kiss." 280 00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:38,953 Is this Albert's floor or is it the one below? 281 00:18:39,036 --> 00:18:42,996 "One Last Kiss." Now. 282 00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:45,497 ♪♪ ♪ Oh, one last kiss ♪ 283 00:18:45,584 --> 00:18:48,384 ♪ There never was such bliss ♪ 284 00:18:48,462 --> 00:18:50,882 ♪ I love your dentifrice ♪♪ 285 00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:53,836 Uh, oh, a little too clinical. Yeah, you're right. 286 00:18:53,926 --> 00:18:57,006 [ Shoes Squeaking ] Albert! 287 00:18:57,095 --> 00:19:00,425 Mama? She's never been to the office since she discovered canasta. 288 00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:04,056 Well, now's a perfect time for you to tell her about dissolving Almaelou‒ 289 00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:06,314 Yeah. 290 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,476 And about us. Yeah. 291 00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:11,185 Albert! 292 00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:14,526 Sonny! Ohh! 293 00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:16,743 Mama! Baby! 294 00:19:16,824 --> 00:19:20,494 What a nice surprise. And you're just in time for some wonderful news. 295 00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:22,827 - Oh! - What's the matter? 296 00:19:22,955 --> 00:19:26,205 It's nothing, son. I just fainted in the subway. Mama! 297 00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:28,421 But I didn't fall down. It was too crowded. 298 00:19:28,544 --> 00:19:31,594 I keep tellin' ya, take a taxi. Taxis? 299 00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:34,682 Taxis are for my successful son. 300 00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:37,718 A dirty, crowded subway is good enough for a mother. 301 00:19:37,803 --> 00:19:40,313 Mothers are nothin' nowadays. 302 00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:44,480 Who's that? Mama, you know Rose De Leon. And guess what? 303 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:49,230 This is that pretty Rose De Leon? 304 00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:52,484 Oh, I don't believe it. 305 00:19:52,568 --> 00:19:55,648 Rose, what happened to you? 306 00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:58,527 Ya had a fatal sickness or somethin'? 307 00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:01,325 It's nice to see you again. 308 00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:04,411 [Typing ] Always on the job. She's a credit to the firm. 309 00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:06,916 Look at her, son. 310 00:20:06,999 --> 00:20:10,379 I wonder some older man hasn't snatched her away. 311 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:14,260 - Personable matron. - Mama, speaking of marriage‒ 312 00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:18,889 Wonderful institution. Your poor father and I, that was a marriage. 313 00:20:18,969 --> 00:20:21,389 May he rest in peace. 314 00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:25,811 Don't worry, Lou. Our only child is taking care of me. 315 00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:29,563 He'd never do anything to break my heart. What about marriage? 316 00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:32,688 Well, if it was good enough for you and Papa, it's‒ In time. 317 00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:36,494 You're just a baby. 318 00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:40,031 [Phone Ringing] 319 00:20:40,115 --> 00:20:43,405 Hello? Yes, operator, I'll hold on. 320 00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:46,873 I'm thinking of dissolving Almaelou. 321 00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:49,625 Wait, Lou. I'm comin'. I'll be right up there. 322 00:20:49,708 --> 00:20:51,878 We can play canasta again. 323 00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:55,462 Mama. Mama, forget it. I'm sorry. You're sorry? 324 00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:59,217 Good-bye, sonny. Take care of yourself. Think of me on Mother's Day. 325 00:20:59,343 --> 00:21:01,223 Good-bye, Rosie. Good-bye, Mae. 326 00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:04,973 Call me Mrs. Peterson. Wear your rubbers. 327 00:21:05,057 --> 00:21:07,597 That's right, operator. Miss Kim McAfee. 328 00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:10,194 [ Shoes Squeaking ] 329 00:21:13,857 --> 00:21:17,437 I'll tell her, Rosie, tonight. 330 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:20,447 It's entirely up to you, Albert. The line is still busy? 331 00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:23,330 Yes, Hugo. Mm-hmm. 332 00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:26,948 Well, of course I'll always wear it, on everything. 333 00:21:27,037 --> 00:21:31,207 Oh, except my gym blouse. Miss Turgnisht won't allow it. 334 00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:36,841 Tonight? Well, I have no plans. I think I can get out till about ten. 335 00:21:36,922 --> 00:21:39,972 Oh, you have to be in by nine. 336 00:21:40,050 --> 00:21:42,300 Well, c'est la vie. 337 00:21:42,386 --> 00:21:44,886 Until tonight then, mon amour. 338 00:21:44,972 --> 00:21:46,892 Bye. 339 00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:58,651 ♪ When you're a skinny child of 15 ♪ 340 00:21:58,735 --> 00:22:02,195 ♪ Wired with braces from ear to ear ♪ 341 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:07,450 ♪ You doubt that you will ever be appealing ♪ 342 00:22:09,579 --> 00:22:14,379 ♪ Then hallelujah You are 16 and the braces disappear ♪ 343 00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:16,999 ♪ And your skin is smooth and clear ♪ 344 00:22:17,087 --> 00:22:21,167 ♪ And you have that happy grown-up ♪ 345 00:22:21,258 --> 00:22:24,468 ♪ Female feeling ♪ 346 00:22:31,852 --> 00:22:34,982 ♪ How lovely to be a woman ♪ 347 00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:38,153 ♪ The wait was well worthwhile ♪ 348 00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:41,533 ♪ How lovely to wear mascara ♪ 349 00:22:41,611 --> 00:22:44,741 ♪ And smile a woman's smile ♪ 350 00:22:44,823 --> 00:22:48,123 ♪ How lovely to have a figure ♪ 351 00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:51,201 ♪ That's round instead of flat ♪ 352 00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:54,708 ♪ Whenever you hear boys whistle ♪ 353 00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:57,341 ♪ You're what they're whistling at ♪ 354 00:22:57,419 --> 00:23:00,299 ♪ It's wonderful to feel ♪ 355 00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:03,880 ♪ The way a woman feels ♪ 356 00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:06,047 ♪ It gives you such a glow ♪ 357 00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:10,426 ♪ Just to know you're wearing lipstick and heels ♪ 358 00:23:11,475 --> 00:23:14,555 ♪ How lovely to be a woman ♪ 359 00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:17,734 ♪ And have one job to do ♪ 360 00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:21,074 ♪ To pick out a boy and train him ♪ 361 00:23:21,151 --> 00:23:24,321 ♪ And then when you are through ♪ 362 00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:27,574 ♪ You've made him the man you want him ♪ 363 00:23:27,657 --> 00:23:30,577 ♪ To be ♪ 364 00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:34,160 ♪ How lovely to be a woman ♪ 365 00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:36,707 ♪ Like me ♪ 366 00:23:36,792 --> 00:23:40,002 ♪ How wonderful to know ♪ 367 00:23:40,087 --> 00:23:43,257 ♪ The things a woman knows ♪ 368 00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:47,140 ♪ How marvelous to wait for a date ♪ 369 00:23:47,219 --> 00:23:50,389 ♪ In simply beautiful clothes ♪ 370 00:23:50,472 --> 00:23:53,892 ♪ How lovely to be a woman ♪ 371 00:23:53,975 --> 00:23:57,015 ♪ And change from boys to men ♪ 372 00:23:57,104 --> 00:24:00,324 ♪ To go to a fancy nightclub ♪ 373 00:24:00,398 --> 00:24:03,738 ♪ And stay out after ten ♪ 374 00:24:03,819 --> 00:24:06,949 ♪ How lovely to be so grown-up ♪ 375 00:24:07,030 --> 00:24:09,870 ♪ And free ♪ 376 00:24:11,743 --> 00:24:13,833 [Zipper Zips] 377 00:24:13,912 --> 00:24:19,082 ♪ Life's lovely when you're a woman ♪ 378 00:24:20,418 --> 00:24:25,008 ♪ Like me ♪♪ 379 00:24:37,769 --> 00:24:40,109 [Phone Ringing] 380 00:24:40,188 --> 00:24:44,278 [ Woman] Hello? Oh. Oh, hold on, operator. 381 00:24:44,401 --> 00:24:47,571 Oh, Kim, it's for you. She says it's long distance. Thank you, Doris. 382 00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:50,534 Who could be calling‒ Did you say "Doris"? 383 00:24:50,615 --> 00:24:54,575 It's the modern way, dear. It makes mother and daughter more like friends. 384 00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:58,461 Harry, I think you took the news about Hugo and I awfully well. Hello? 385 00:24:58,582 --> 00:25:00,672 She called you "Harry." Yeah. 386 00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:05,302 Yes, this is Miss Kim McAfee. Yesterday I was a mother. Today I'm a friend. 387 00:25:05,422 --> 00:25:10,222 Yes, I'll hold on. Maybe you could call me "Mom"? That's modern. 388 00:25:10,302 --> 00:25:12,972 [ Groans ] Times are changing. 389 00:25:13,054 --> 00:25:16,604 You go along or else you're out of it. 390 00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:18,893 Harry, do you have a cigarette? I've run out. 391 00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:21,187 So have I. How 'bout my pipe? 392 00:25:21,271 --> 00:25:23,191 [ Coughs] Hello? Hello? 393 00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:26,363 Kim McAfee, I have a great surprise. Harry. Kids. 394 00:25:26,443 --> 00:25:29,863 You have been selected from all the teenagers in the United States... 395 00:25:29,946 --> 00:25:34,026 to be kissed by Conrad Birdie on The Ed Sullivan Show this Sunday night. 396 00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:36,237 We'll be in touch. Good-bye. [ Receiver Clicks ] 397 00:25:36,328 --> 00:25:39,708 Conrad Birdie? 398 00:25:39,789 --> 00:25:43,249 [Slams Receiver] To kiss me? 399 00:25:43,335 --> 00:25:46,875 Ohhh. Doris! 400 00:25:49,257 --> 00:25:53,087 Mother? Mommy! Mommy! 401 00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:56,470 Baby, what happened? Mommy, Conrad Birdie's coming here to kiss me! 402 00:25:56,598 --> 00:25:59,478 Oh, isn't that nice. Sit down. But you don't understand. 403 00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:02,941 Conrad Birdie's coming to Sweet Apple to kiss me! Oh, baby. 404 00:26:03,021 --> 00:26:05,151 Oh, Mommy! Oh! Oh! Oh! 405 00:26:05,232 --> 00:26:09,072 Well, I never thought I'd say it, but God bless Conrad Birdie. 406 00:26:09,152 --> 00:26:13,952 [ Screaming Hysterically] Oh, Conrad Birdie! Oh! 407 00:26:14,032 --> 00:26:17,872 Conrad Birdie's coming here to kiss me! 408 00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:22,616 [Plane Roaring Overhead] 409 00:26:27,295 --> 00:26:30,965 Now, listen. The absolute instant he appears, 410 00:26:31,049 --> 00:26:34,009 now, I'll introduce Kim to him. 411 00:26:34,094 --> 00:26:38,314 And then we'll all recite our Pledge Of Everlasting Loyalty. 412 00:26:38,431 --> 00:26:42,391 The plane! The plane's almost landed! [ Screaming ] 413 00:26:43,728 --> 00:26:45,648 ♪♪ [ Blowing Pitch Pipe ] 414 00:26:45,730 --> 00:26:49,360 ♪ We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do ♪ 415 00:26:49,442 --> 00:26:53,242 ♪ We love you, Conrad and we'll be true ♪ 416 00:26:53,321 --> 00:26:56,741 ♪ When you're not near us We're blue ♪ 417 00:26:56,825 --> 00:27:00,285 ♪ Oh, Conrad We love you ♪ 418 00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:04,290 ♪ We hate you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do ♪ 419 00:27:04,374 --> 00:27:08,094 ♪ We don't hate anyone as much as you ♪ 420 00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:11,799 ♪ You're singing makes us say "p-u" ♪ 421 00:27:11,881 --> 00:27:15,301 ♪ Oh, Conrad We hate you ♪ 422 00:27:15,385 --> 00:27:19,305 ♪ We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do ♪ 423 00:27:19,389 --> 00:27:22,849 ♪ We don't hate anyone as much as you ♪ 424 00:27:22,934 --> 00:27:26,864 ♪ When you're not near us We're blue ♪ 425 00:27:26,938 --> 00:27:30,108 - ♪ Oh, Conrad ♪ - ♪ Oh, Conrad ♪ 426 00:27:30,233 --> 00:27:33,453 ♪ We love you ♪♪ ♪ We hate you ♪♪ 427 00:27:35,405 --> 00:27:37,775 Hugo wants to talk to Kim. 428 00:27:37,866 --> 00:27:40,906 Uh, that‒ that's if it's okay with Kim. 429 00:27:41,036 --> 00:27:45,246 Certainly, Hugo. Uh, well, Kim‒ 430 00:27:45,332 --> 00:27:47,252 Yes? 431 00:27:53,590 --> 00:27:56,890 [ Crowd ] Aw! 432 00:27:59,429 --> 00:28:01,559 Hugo, what do you want? 433 00:28:03,933 --> 00:28:07,483 Gee, Kim, the fellas are making me do this, 434 00:28:07,562 --> 00:28:09,982 but just the same, they're right. 435 00:28:10,065 --> 00:28:12,225 Kim, you can't go through with this. 436 00:28:12,317 --> 00:28:14,357 Hugo, please be mature. 437 00:28:14,444 --> 00:28:17,364 Well, gee, doesn't gettin' pinned mean anything these days? 438 00:28:17,447 --> 00:28:21,867 Ohh. It means everything. It's sacred. 439 00:28:21,951 --> 00:28:26,711 Well, then how can you let another man kiss you? A-And in public? 440 00:28:26,831 --> 00:28:30,041 I assure you, I won't even feel it. Huh? 441 00:28:30,168 --> 00:28:32,918 I'm just a symbol. A symbol? 442 00:28:34,422 --> 00:28:38,342 Ah, don't you see? This is bigger than us. 443 00:28:38,468 --> 00:28:42,308 Why, all this publicity for Sweet Apple. Yeah. 444 00:28:42,389 --> 00:28:44,809 Thousands of people will move here. 445 00:28:44,891 --> 00:28:48,231 We'll have a population explosion. 446 00:28:48,311 --> 00:28:53,191 And just think what this'll do for your father's undertaking business. 447 00:28:55,985 --> 00:28:58,905 Hey! Hey, yeah, you're right. Yeah. 448 00:29:01,324 --> 00:29:05,334 But you really don't go for that Birdie creep. Do ya? 449 00:29:06,830 --> 00:29:08,960 What do my eyes tell you? 450 00:29:17,340 --> 00:29:20,090 [ Sighs ] No, you don't. I can see you're all mine. 451 00:29:20,176 --> 00:29:22,676 Forever. 452 00:29:22,762 --> 00:29:25,352 Starting right after The Ed Sullivan Show on Sunday night. 453 00:29:26,850 --> 00:29:29,690 Right after The Ed Sullivan Show on Sunday night. 454 00:29:31,229 --> 00:29:33,649 - Hey, we'll be late! - [ Girls Gasp ] 455 00:29:33,731 --> 00:29:38,531 One, two, three‒ ♪ We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do ♪ 456 00:29:38,611 --> 00:29:42,031 ♪ We love you, Conrad and we'll be true ♪ 457 00:29:42,115 --> 00:29:45,945 - ♪ When you're not ne‒ ♪♪ - ♪ When you're not near us we're blue ♪ 458 00:29:46,077 --> 00:29:49,037 [ Clears Throat] ♪ Oh, Conrad We love you♪♪ 459 00:29:52,750 --> 00:29:56,340 Well, uh, I told her off, guys. She knows where I stand. 460 00:29:56,463 --> 00:30:00,133 But she's leaving. Yeah, but that's only to make the population explode. 461 00:30:00,216 --> 00:30:02,506 Anyone for the reception, kids? 462 00:30:02,594 --> 00:30:05,564 Gee, Mr. Paisley, we think you're okay, even if you are the English teacher. 463 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:09,230 Well, it should be a fascinating experience. Yeah, but are you with them? 464 00:30:09,350 --> 00:30:13,020 With "them"? Yeah, that Birdie creep. He's poisoned our women. 465 00:30:13,104 --> 00:30:16,114 It's bad enough the Mayor's a fink, but you, Mr. Paisley. 466 00:30:16,191 --> 00:30:19,991 Well, you see, fellas, as a teacher and a brand-new American citizen... 467 00:30:20,069 --> 00:30:21,989 with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, 468 00:30:22,071 --> 00:30:26,161 I feel I should witness this unique, sociological phenomenon, hmm? 469 00:30:28,786 --> 00:30:31,576 Yeah, guys, suppose I‒ suppose I did let Kim kiss him. 470 00:30:31,664 --> 00:30:34,254 I only wanna see‒ [ Stammering ] a, uh, um, unique‒ 471 00:30:34,334 --> 00:30:38,134 a so‒ uh, soci‒ phenomenon. 472 00:30:39,339 --> 00:30:41,259 [Girls Screaming] Hugo the fink! 473 00:30:42,550 --> 00:30:44,550 So long, fink! Fink! 474 00:30:44,636 --> 00:30:47,596 [Boys Shouting] Fink! What a fink! 475 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,600 [Girls Continue Screaming] 476 00:30:50,683 --> 00:30:52,943 ♪♪ [Marching Band] 477 00:30:57,524 --> 00:31:01,994 Here are the gentlemen from the press. I'll handle them. You go find the Mayor. 478 00:31:02,111 --> 00:31:06,741 We want him! We want him! [ Muffled ] Kim. Kim. 479 00:31:06,824 --> 00:31:09,834 [Whistles ] Here's your speech. Learn it, and hurry. 480 00:31:09,911 --> 00:31:12,961 We want him! We want him! 481 00:31:13,039 --> 00:31:16,249 We want him! We want him! 482 00:31:16,334 --> 00:31:18,804 [Photographer] Look this way, please. 483 00:31:20,338 --> 00:31:22,548 [ Reporter] What's your name? Conrad Birdie. 484 00:31:22,632 --> 00:31:24,552 No, no, your name. Oh. 485 00:31:24,634 --> 00:31:28,564 Um, um... McAfee. Kim. 486 00:31:28,638 --> 00:31:30,558 Kim McAfee. Oh. 487 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,140 She doesn't even know her name. 488 00:31:33,226 --> 00:31:36,976 ♪♪ [Marching Drums] 489 00:31:37,063 --> 00:31:40,073 [Girls] We want him! We want him! 490 00:31:40,149 --> 00:31:43,489 We want him! We want him! We want him. Eeew! 491 00:31:43,570 --> 00:31:46,320 We want him! We want him! 492 00:31:46,406 --> 00:31:49,526 We want him! We want him! 493 00:31:49,659 --> 00:31:53,079 I beg your pardon. May I add a welcome from Sweet Apple. Oh. 494 00:31:53,162 --> 00:31:55,962 I'm Claude Paisley. Kim McAfee's my student in English. 495 00:31:56,082 --> 00:31:59,542 Oh, how do you do? I'm Rose De Leon. Nice to know you. 496 00:31:59,627 --> 00:32:02,417 - Uh, and you're, uh‒ - Hugo. 497 00:32:03,798 --> 00:32:07,178 - Oh, I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you. - Hugo Fink. 498 00:32:07,260 --> 00:32:09,350 Oh, hello, Mr. Fink. How are you? 499 00:32:09,429 --> 00:32:15,139 Please don't think me forward, but if you should have any spare time during your visit, 500 00:32:15,226 --> 00:32:18,436 I-I'd appreciate discussing Mr. Birdie with you. 501 00:32:18,521 --> 00:32:20,651 Well, uh... 502 00:32:20,732 --> 00:32:23,282 I'm afraid I'll be very busy. 503 00:32:23,359 --> 00:32:25,449 Uh, but thank you. 504 00:32:25,528 --> 00:32:28,488 [ Shoes Squeaking ] 505 00:32:29,616 --> 00:32:32,826 Ow! Watch it, rube, don't bend the fur. 506 00:32:32,910 --> 00:32:34,830 He's coming! 507 00:32:34,912 --> 00:32:38,462 - Look, everybody, he's coming! Here he comes! - [Motorcycles Roaring] 508 00:32:45,506 --> 00:32:48,636 ♪♪ [Marching Band] 509 00:32:48,718 --> 00:32:52,388 ♪ We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do ♪ 510 00:32:52,472 --> 00:32:56,352 ♪ We love you, Conrad and we'll be true ♪ 511 00:32:56,434 --> 00:33:00,234 ♪ When you're not near us we're blue ♪ 512 00:33:00,313 --> 00:33:04,983 ♪ Oh, Conrad We love you ♪ 513 00:33:05,068 --> 00:33:08,988 ♪ We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do ♪ 514 00:33:09,072 --> 00:33:12,492 ♪ We love you, Conrad and we'll be true ♪ 515 00:33:12,575 --> 00:33:16,995 ♪ When you're not near us we're blue ♪ 516 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:21,130 ♪ Oh, Conrad We love you ♪♪ 517 00:33:21,209 --> 00:33:24,129 [ Girls Cheering ] 518 00:33:32,470 --> 00:33:35,430 [Girls Screaming, Gasping, Sighing] 519 00:33:37,433 --> 00:33:40,023 [Girls Sighing] 520 00:33:44,107 --> 00:33:49,027 Before you hear from the girl upon whom you have chosen... 521 00:33:49,112 --> 00:33:53,072 to bestow your final kiss upon, we will now recite the Conrad Birdie pledge. 522 00:33:53,157 --> 00:33:55,117 [ Screaming ] 523 00:33:56,285 --> 00:34:00,035 I, being of sound mind and body, 524 00:34:00,123 --> 00:34:02,133 do hereby promise... 525 00:34:02,208 --> 00:34:06,878 to be loyal, courteous, steadfast and true... 526 00:34:06,963 --> 00:34:11,383 to Conrad Birdie and the United States of America, 527 00:34:11,467 --> 00:34:13,387 both indivisible, 528 00:34:13,469 --> 00:34:16,259 with liberty and justice for all. 529 00:34:16,347 --> 00:34:18,887 [ Cheering, Screaming ] 530 00:34:21,310 --> 00:34:24,900 As the fortunate girl whom you have selected... 531 00:34:24,981 --> 00:34:27,901 to represent all my fellow girls, 532 00:34:27,984 --> 00:34:31,074 I welcome you. [ Screaming ] 533 00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:46,000 [ Screaming Continues] 534 00:34:52,884 --> 00:34:55,264 [Screaming Stops] Now, Mayor, now. Oh. 535 00:34:55,344 --> 00:34:59,434 [Clears Throat] And now I present this key to our city, 536 00:34:59,515 --> 00:35:03,765 to our honored guest, uh, Conrad Birdie. 537 00:35:03,853 --> 00:35:05,813 [ Hysterical Scream ] 538 00:35:05,897 --> 00:35:08,937 He said it! He said the name! 539 00:35:09,025 --> 00:35:11,735 [ Screaming ] 540 00:35:11,819 --> 00:35:14,449 What happened? All I said was "Conrad Birdie." 541 00:35:14,530 --> 00:35:17,280 [ Screaming ] 542 00:35:17,366 --> 00:35:21,656 Now, now, girls, you're gonna have to stop that, or I‒ or I can't finish my speech. 543 00:35:21,746 --> 00:35:24,536 Who cares about your speech? 544 00:35:24,624 --> 00:35:27,544 We wanna hear Conrad! 545 00:35:27,627 --> 00:35:30,837 [Girls Sighing] 546 00:35:32,465 --> 00:35:34,505 He's not so much. 547 00:35:36,969 --> 00:35:39,009 ♪♪ 548 00:35:39,096 --> 00:35:42,806 ♪ You gotta be sincere ♪ 549 00:35:42,892 --> 00:35:46,062 Ohhh. Edna! What's wrong? 550 00:35:46,145 --> 00:35:47,605 ♪ Ya gotta be sincere ♪ 551 00:35:49,106 --> 00:35:52,026 Birdie! What are you doing? 552 00:35:52,109 --> 00:35:54,449 ♪ Ya gotta feel it here ♪ 553 00:35:54,529 --> 00:35:57,069 ♪ 'Cause if you feel it here ♪ 554 00:35:57,156 --> 00:35:59,866 ♪ Well, then you're gonna be ♪ 555 00:35:59,951 --> 00:36:01,991 ♪ Honestly ♪ 556 00:36:02,078 --> 00:36:04,408 ♪ Sincere ♪ 557 00:36:05,706 --> 00:36:08,746 [ Gasping ] 558 00:36:08,835 --> 00:36:12,335 ♪ If what you feel is true ♪ 559 00:36:12,421 --> 00:36:16,681 ♪ You really feel it You make them feel it too ♪ 560 00:36:16,759 --> 00:36:21,429 ♪ Write this down now You gotta be sincere ♪ 561 00:36:21,514 --> 00:36:23,774 ♪ Honestly sincere ♪ 562 00:36:23,850 --> 00:36:26,640 ♪ Man, you gotta be ♪ 563 00:36:26,769 --> 00:36:32,399 [ Moans] ♪ Sincere ♪ 564 00:36:32,483 --> 00:36:37,453 ♪ If you're really sincere If you're really sincere ♪ 565 00:36:37,530 --> 00:36:41,200 ♪ If you feel it in here Then it's gotta be right ♪ 566 00:36:41,284 --> 00:36:43,294 - [ Screaming ] - ♪ Oh, baby Oh, honey♪ 567 00:36:44,328 --> 00:36:46,248 ♪ Hug me ♪ 568 00:36:46,372 --> 00:36:48,962 ♪ Ah, suffer ♪ [Screaming] 569 00:36:52,545 --> 00:36:55,005 ♪ In everything I do ♪ 570 00:36:56,132 --> 00:36:59,592 ♪ Why, my sincerity shows through ♪ 571 00:36:59,677 --> 00:37:02,887 ♪ Yeah, I look you in the eye ♪ 572 00:37:02,972 --> 00:37:05,892 ♪ I don't even have to try It's automatic ♪ 573 00:37:05,975 --> 00:37:08,635 ♪ I'm sincere ♪ 574 00:37:10,646 --> 00:37:13,066 ♪ When I sing about a tree ♪ 575 00:37:13,149 --> 00:37:17,609 ♪ Listen, why I really feel that tree ♪ 576 00:37:17,695 --> 00:37:22,235 ♪ Yeah, when I sing about a girl I really feel that girl ♪ 577 00:37:22,325 --> 00:37:24,905 ♪ I mean I really feel ♪ 578 00:37:24,994 --> 00:37:30,334 ♪ Sincere ♪ [ Sighs] 579 00:37:30,416 --> 00:37:33,246 ♪ Why, if you're really sincere ♪ 580 00:37:33,336 --> 00:37:36,876 ♪ If you're really sincere If you feel it in here ♪ 581 00:37:37,006 --> 00:37:40,086 ♪ Then it's gotta be right Oh, baby ♪ [ Screaming ] 582 00:37:40,176 --> 00:37:42,086 ♪ Oh, honey ♪ 583 00:37:42,178 --> 00:37:45,768 ♪ Hug me Ah, suffer ♪ 584 00:37:46,682 --> 00:37:49,192 Yeah, here we go now! 585 00:37:49,268 --> 00:37:52,098 ♪ Why, you gotta be sincere ♪ 586 00:37:52,188 --> 00:37:56,438 ♪ Oh, you gotta feel it here Oh, my baby ♪ 587 00:37:56,525 --> 00:38:00,815 ♪ Oh, my baby Oh, yeah ♪ 588 00:38:00,905 --> 00:38:04,275 ♪ Oh, my baby Aw, yeah ♪ 589 00:38:04,367 --> 00:38:06,237 ♪ Go, girl, go ♪ 590 00:38:06,369 --> 00:38:08,289 Angela! Angela! What are you doing? ♪ Yeah ♪ 591 00:38:08,371 --> 00:38:10,121 ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ 592 00:38:10,206 --> 00:38:12,326 [ Sighs] ♪ Are ya gonna be sincere ♪ 593 00:38:12,416 --> 00:38:15,126 - ♪ Are ya gonna be sincere ♪ - Yeah! 594 00:38:15,211 --> 00:38:18,881 - ♪ Are ya gonna be sincere Are ya gonna be sincere ♪ - Yeah! 595 00:38:18,965 --> 00:38:23,335 - ♪ Are ya gonna be sincere Are you gonna be sincere ♪ - Yeah! 596 00:38:23,427 --> 00:38:26,137 ♪ Oh, my baby Oh, yeah ♪ 597 00:38:26,222 --> 00:38:29,682 ♪ Oh, my baby Oh, yeah ♪ 598 00:38:29,767 --> 00:38:32,647 ♪ Are ya gonna be sincere Are you gonna be sincere ♪ 599 00:38:32,728 --> 00:38:35,938 ♪ Oh, my baby Oh, yeah ♪ 600 00:38:36,023 --> 00:38:39,493 ♪ Oh, my baby Oh, yeah ♪ 601 00:38:39,610 --> 00:38:43,160 ♪ Oh, my baby Oh, yeah ♪ [ Screaming ] 602 00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:45,829 ♪ Oh, my baby ♪ 603 00:38:45,908 --> 00:38:48,118 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 604 00:38:48,202 --> 00:38:52,332 ♪ Yeah Yeah ♪ 605 00:38:52,415 --> 00:38:54,375 ♪ Yeah ♪♪ 606 00:39:29,952 --> 00:39:33,832 [ Girls] ♪ We love you, Conrad ♪ 607 00:39:33,914 --> 00:39:37,924 ♪ Oh, yes, we do ♪ 608 00:39:38,002 --> 00:39:41,882 ♪ We love you, Conrad ♪ 609 00:39:41,964 --> 00:39:46,224 ♪ And we'll be true ♪ 610 00:39:46,302 --> 00:39:50,512 ♪ When you're not near us ♪ 611 00:39:50,598 --> 00:39:54,478 ♪ We're blue ♪ 612 00:39:54,602 --> 00:39:57,772 ♪ Oh, Conrad♪ [ Whistling ] 613 00:39:57,855 --> 00:40:00,935 ♪ We love you ♪ 614 00:40:01,025 --> 00:40:05,065 Randolph, your father's warned you. If you make another bomb, you'll get spanked. 615 00:40:05,154 --> 00:40:08,954 - It was an accident, Mom. - Oh! Now, get this stuff out of here. 616 00:40:09,033 --> 00:40:10,913 Oh. [ Sighs] 617 00:40:10,993 --> 00:40:13,543 ♪ We love you, Conrad♪ 618 00:40:13,662 --> 00:40:15,622 [ Horn Honking ] Doris. Doris! 619 00:40:15,706 --> 00:40:18,416 ♪ And we'll be true ♪ 620 00:40:18,542 --> 00:40:21,922 ♪ When you're not near us♪♪ Doris, what's going on here? 621 00:40:22,004 --> 00:40:24,384 Harry, where have you been since supper? 622 00:40:24,465 --> 00:40:26,675 In plenty of trouble, but I'm not now. 623 00:40:26,759 --> 00:40:28,929 You kids, go home before I sic the constable on you! 624 00:40:29,011 --> 00:40:32,101 Go on! Get that carnival off my front lawn! 625 00:40:32,181 --> 00:40:34,231 I'll show 'em who's boss here! 626 00:40:34,308 --> 00:40:36,888 Harry McAfee's not gonna be pushed around by any roll and rocker. 627 00:40:37,019 --> 00:40:40,479 Harry, they'll hear you. Ah, let 'em hear me. 628 00:40:40,606 --> 00:40:44,356 Randolph, put those chemicals away and go to bed! Yes, Papa. 629 00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:49,950 We're in trouble. He can't stand Conrad living here. 630 00:40:52,743 --> 00:40:55,703 Especially around his pretty young daughter. 631 00:40:59,583 --> 00:41:02,843 [Whispering ] She's still under the magic spell. 632 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,840 [ Sighing ] 633 00:41:04,922 --> 00:41:09,392 Dear little Conrad certainly has a devastating impact. 634 00:41:09,468 --> 00:41:11,548 He might make a terrific soldier. 635 00:41:11,637 --> 00:41:14,347 Turn him loose and the enemy'll twitch itself to death. 636 00:41:14,431 --> 00:41:16,981 I don't care. I've changed my mind. 637 00:41:17,059 --> 00:41:21,109 My daughter is not gonna be publicly kissed by that‒ that wiggler. 638 00:41:21,230 --> 00:41:25,280 The deal is off. But, dear, you know these adolescents. Kim'll lose face. 639 00:41:25,359 --> 00:41:30,069 And if I don't get rid of that Birdie, that's not all she'll‒ 640 00:41:30,156 --> 00:41:32,656 Now, hear this. I have decided... 641 00:41:32,741 --> 00:41:35,291 that bunch of grafters is getting outta here! 642 00:41:35,369 --> 00:41:39,369 That is the unshakable decree that I have made as head of this household! 643 00:41:39,498 --> 00:41:44,248 So you go upstairs and tell 'em. How can I tell Mr. Peterson and that nice Miss De Leon‒ 644 00:41:44,336 --> 00:41:48,796 Nice? Ha-ha! I know that show business crowd. Probably livin' in sin. 645 00:41:48,883 --> 00:41:51,143 Harry Lionel McAfee! 646 00:41:51,218 --> 00:41:55,308 I never told you. One summer I worked with the circus. Oh, those midgets, wild. 647 00:41:55,431 --> 00:41:59,191 Not another word. She's been engaged to Peterson for six years. Don't tell me‒ 648 00:41:59,310 --> 00:42:03,270 We were engaged for five years. He's not as stupid as I was. 649 00:42:03,397 --> 00:42:07,737 Are you stupid, Pop? Find out for yourself! That's the trouble with kids: lazy! 650 00:42:07,818 --> 00:42:11,318 Will you go up? Get up to bed! 651 00:42:11,405 --> 00:42:15,365 Oh, Harry, they'll be gone day after tomorrow. 652 00:42:15,451 --> 00:42:17,541 I'm a peace-loving man. 653 00:42:17,620 --> 00:42:19,750 A good father and husband. 654 00:42:19,830 --> 00:42:23,210 And the result, the home that I hewed out of this wilderness... 655 00:42:23,292 --> 00:42:25,962 with my bare hands is no longer mine. 656 00:42:26,045 --> 00:42:29,295 Tonight, I had to wait until 6:00 for my supper. 657 00:42:29,381 --> 00:42:33,141 And that Peterson grafter, running up my phone bill with long distance calls! 658 00:42:33,260 --> 00:42:37,350 He offered to reimburse you. I don't take Diner's Club cards! 659 00:42:37,431 --> 00:42:41,391 And then that snake in a gold suit insists on parking in‒ 660 00:42:41,477 --> 00:42:45,187 in my beautiful living room! Yech! 661 00:42:45,314 --> 00:42:47,234 You know where I've just been? Where? 662 00:42:47,316 --> 00:42:51,566 To a meeting with the big boys. Kelsey, Judge Blanch, Joe Kipp, my biggest customers. 663 00:42:51,654 --> 00:42:54,324 They don't approve of this kind of notorious goings-on. 664 00:42:54,406 --> 00:42:56,276 Darling, they put pressure on you? 665 00:42:56,367 --> 00:42:59,657 If I don't cancel this whole Birdie deal, 666 00:42:59,787 --> 00:43:02,787 they'll starve me right out of business. Oh, my heavens! 667 00:43:02,873 --> 00:43:05,713 It's, it's, it's them or, or us. 668 00:43:05,834 --> 00:43:08,924 [ Pops, Whistles] [ Gasps] 669 00:43:10,506 --> 00:43:12,376 [Whining ] 670 00:43:12,508 --> 00:43:15,218 What happened? Are you all right? 671 00:43:15,344 --> 00:43:17,264 What's wrong? Just some of Randolph's chemicals. 672 00:43:17,388 --> 00:43:21,978 Eww. A mixture of Iron Sulfide, plus two parts H2SO4. 673 00:43:22,059 --> 00:43:24,849 Smart boy you have there. It isn't every lad who can make a stench bomb. 674 00:43:24,979 --> 00:43:28,479 Which brings me to Mr. Birdie. Mr. Peterson is really a biochemist. 675 00:43:28,607 --> 00:43:30,897 I couldn't care less. Yes, I am. I have one formula... 676 00:43:30,985 --> 00:43:34,565 which is miraculous in its ability to increase the work output of domestic animals. 677 00:43:34,655 --> 00:43:36,565 About this Birdie‒ 678 00:43:36,657 --> 00:43:39,327 It speeds up the reflexes so that an ox could outrun a racehorse. 679 00:43:39,410 --> 00:43:42,750 By adding in his formula, a hen will lay three eggs a day. 680 00:43:42,830 --> 00:43:45,500 Three eggs a day? If that's so, you can make a million‒ 681 00:43:45,582 --> 00:43:49,132 I've been nursing this compound for a year. Still needs more tests, but it works. 682 00:43:49,253 --> 00:43:52,343 Uh, aren't you in farming? He's McAfee Fertilizer. 683 00:43:52,464 --> 00:43:54,384 Oh, yes. Been in it for 20 years. 684 00:43:54,508 --> 00:43:56,588 Really? But I may be out if‒ 685 00:43:56,677 --> 00:44:00,637 If you and Albert got together, you could revolutionize farm production. 686 00:44:00,764 --> 00:44:03,814 Would you like a demonstration? Do you have a hen? No. 687 00:44:03,892 --> 00:44:06,812 - Uh, how about trying it on that? - A tortoise. I don't know. 688 00:44:06,895 --> 00:44:10,395 Sure. It won't bite. Here, let me. 689 00:44:13,277 --> 00:44:17,907 Of course, there isn't much demand for turtle eggs, but, uh... 690 00:44:17,990 --> 00:44:22,160 if it really works on farm animals, maybe you and me could do some business. 691 00:44:22,244 --> 00:44:24,834 [ Gulps] 692 00:44:24,913 --> 00:44:28,503 I'll sure need something if I let Kim go through with this Birdie stuff. 693 00:44:28,584 --> 00:44:30,844 Some of Harry's customers are against it. 694 00:44:30,961 --> 00:44:34,921 Yeah, so I've decided it's absolutely out of the question. Your neighbors are going... 695 00:44:35,007 --> 00:44:40,007 to be thrilled when they see the two of you on The Ed Sullivan Show. 696 00:44:40,095 --> 00:44:42,385 The Ed‒ The Ed Sullivan Show. 697 00:44:42,514 --> 00:44:46,394 Uh, yes, we, uh‒ we were saving that as a surprise. Yes, a surprise. 698 00:44:46,518 --> 00:44:50,858 Me, me on Ed Sullivan? Oh, I'd die. What would I wear? 699 00:44:50,981 --> 00:44:52,821 Oh, we'll find something. Gee, Ed Sullivan. 700 00:44:52,900 --> 00:44:57,650 He's my favorite human. That's why I decided to let Kim go on in the first place. 701 00:44:57,738 --> 00:45:01,238 Me on The Ed Sullivan Show? 702 00:45:01,325 --> 00:45:03,575 ♪ Ed Sullivan ♪ 703 00:45:05,496 --> 00:45:08,036 Me, Harry McAfee, appearing with‒ 704 00:45:08,123 --> 00:45:11,213 ♪ Ed Sullivan ♪ 705 00:45:11,293 --> 00:45:16,473 ♪ Ed Ed Sullivan ♪ 706 00:45:16,548 --> 00:45:18,588 ♪ Ed ♪ 707 00:45:18,675 --> 00:45:23,715 ♪ Ed Sullivan ♪ 708 00:45:23,847 --> 00:45:26,677 ♪ Ahhh ♪ ♪ Ed Sullivan ♪ 709 00:45:26,809 --> 00:45:29,059 ♪ Ahhh ♪ ♪ Ed Sullivan ♪ 710 00:45:29,144 --> 00:45:31,564 ♪ Ed Ed ♪ 711 00:45:31,647 --> 00:45:34,567 ♪ Sull Sull ♪ 712 00:45:34,650 --> 00:45:37,150 ♪ Ed Sullivan ♪ 713 00:45:37,236 --> 00:45:39,356 ♪ Ed Sullivan ♪ 714 00:45:39,446 --> 00:45:43,906 ♪ We're gonna be on Ed Sullivan ♪ 715 00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:50,290 ♪ How could any family be ♪ 716 00:45:50,374 --> 00:45:55,504 ♪ Half as fortunate as we ♪ 717 00:45:55,587 --> 00:45:58,297 ♪ We'll be coast-to-coast ♪ 718 00:45:58,382 --> 00:46:02,182 ♪ With our favorite host ♪ 719 00:46:02,261 --> 00:46:08,601 ♪ Ed Sullivan ♪ 720 00:46:09,977 --> 00:46:12,767 ♪ Ed Sullivan ♪ 721 00:46:12,855 --> 00:46:15,265 ♪ Ed Sullivan ♪ 722 00:46:15,357 --> 00:46:19,947 ♪ We're gonna be on Ed Sullivan ♪ 723 00:46:21,363 --> 00:46:24,913 ♪ Ooo-oooh ♪ 724 00:46:25,033 --> 00:46:29,083 I've got a wonderful wife. Two swell kids. ♪ Ooo-ooh ♪ 725 00:46:29,163 --> 00:46:32,623 A good business. And now this. [ Laughing ] 726 00:46:32,708 --> 00:46:35,628 ♪ Someday we'll recall ♪ 727 00:46:35,711 --> 00:46:39,671 ♪ The greatest day of all ♪ 728 00:46:39,756 --> 00:46:41,676 Ed, I love you. 729 00:46:41,758 --> 00:46:51,348 ♪ Ed Sullivan ♪♪ 730 00:46:51,435 --> 00:46:55,055 [Phone Ringing] 731 00:46:55,147 --> 00:46:59,187 [ Ringing ] 732 00:46:59,276 --> 00:47:02,696 Hello? Oh, yes. 733 00:47:02,779 --> 00:47:06,239 Harry, it's the Mayor. He sounds mad. 734 00:47:06,325 --> 00:47:08,235 I'll handle this. 735 00:47:09,828 --> 00:47:11,998 Yes? Yes, Mayor. 736 00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:16,500 Yes, the boys talked to me. Yep, I've decided. 737 00:47:16,585 --> 00:47:18,875 Birdie stays right here. 738 00:47:18,962 --> 00:47:20,882 And Kim's on TV. 739 00:47:20,964 --> 00:47:24,764 And what's more, I'm gonna be on the show too. 740 00:47:24,843 --> 00:47:26,723 With Eddie Sullivan. 741 00:47:26,803 --> 00:47:31,313 Now, listen, Harry. You saw what that crazy galoot did at the reception. 742 00:47:33,310 --> 00:47:35,770 It was a disgrace! 743 00:47:35,854 --> 00:47:40,234 Uh, look, Mayor, you're gonna be on TV too. 744 00:47:40,317 --> 00:47:42,897 They want you to make a speech. 745 00:47:44,029 --> 00:47:46,319 They want me... 746 00:47:46,406 --> 00:47:48,406 on Ed Sullivan? 747 00:47:50,410 --> 00:47:53,460 A short speech. Why, sure. 748 00:47:55,249 --> 00:47:58,459 I could become a statewide face. 749 00:47:58,544 --> 00:48:00,714 It's a deal, Mayor. 750 00:48:00,796 --> 00:48:03,376 Sure, I'll plug you up for governor. 751 00:48:03,465 --> 00:48:06,005 Bye, Sam. 752 00:48:06,093 --> 00:48:08,183 What a hambo. 753 00:48:08,262 --> 00:48:12,312 Well, it's, uh‒ it's been a long day, so I think we'll‒ [Clicking] 754 00:48:19,940 --> 00:48:21,900 [ Screams] 755 00:48:21,984 --> 00:48:24,904 I'm thinkin' of callin' 'em "Speed-Up." You like it, Mr. McAfee? 756 00:48:24,987 --> 00:48:27,527 "Feed Up With Speed-Up." I love it, partner. 757 00:48:27,656 --> 00:48:31,446 How will Randolph ever catch his tortoise? Just give him one of these. 758 00:48:31,577 --> 00:48:34,537 Hi, Mr. McAfee. Gee, I just wanted to thank you. Huh? 759 00:48:34,621 --> 00:48:39,081 My dad said you're not letting Kim go on TV and kiss that‒ That! 760 00:48:39,167 --> 00:48:41,797 It can't be true! Oh, Mr. McAfee, 761 00:48:41,878 --> 00:48:45,008 you wouldn't destroy Kim, your own flesh and blood. 762 00:48:45,090 --> 00:48:47,930 Oh, sure he would. A father has a right. Right? 763 00:48:48,010 --> 00:48:51,260 Hugo, my daughter's old enough to make her own decisions. 764 00:48:51,346 --> 00:48:53,806 So, I've decided to let her do it. 765 00:48:55,517 --> 00:48:58,937 Well, in that case, your daughter's the former future Mrs. Hugo Peabody. 766 00:48:59,062 --> 00:49:01,232 Oh, Hugo, stop acting like a child. Kim! 767 00:49:01,356 --> 00:49:05,936 Where is he? Can I see him? Conrad's asleep, poor dear. 768 00:49:06,028 --> 00:49:08,278 You may peek through his keyhole, while I‒ 769 00:49:08,363 --> 00:49:11,913 while I discuss this tempest in a tea bag with Hugo. 770 00:49:17,122 --> 00:49:19,042 [ Sighs] 771 00:49:26,632 --> 00:49:28,552 You're lucky people. 772 00:49:28,634 --> 00:49:31,854 What'd we ever do to deserve such a daughter? 773 00:49:31,928 --> 00:49:34,508 We got married. 774 00:49:34,598 --> 00:49:36,478 Marriage. 775 00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:39,900 But, Kim‒ Yeah, but, Kim‒ I don't have time for debate. 776 00:49:39,978 --> 00:49:42,978 Ursula's waiting. I've gotta learn my speech for tomorrow's rehearsal. 777 00:49:43,065 --> 00:49:47,145 Wait a minute, Kim. Don't go yet, please. 778 00:49:47,235 --> 00:49:50,945 Gee, you don't know what I've been through with all the guys buggin' me. 779 00:49:51,073 --> 00:49:55,243 Well, about you and that Birdie creep. Oh, that. 780 00:49:55,327 --> 00:49:58,537 Yeah, that! Well, that's silly. 781 00:49:58,622 --> 00:50:01,752 Aw, he means nothing to me. 782 00:50:05,253 --> 00:50:07,263 ♪ One boy ♪ 783 00:50:08,674 --> 00:50:12,684 ♪ One special boy ♪ 784 00:50:12,761 --> 00:50:15,851 ♪ One boy to go with ♪ 785 00:50:15,931 --> 00:50:19,981 ♪ To talk with and walk with ♪ 786 00:50:20,060 --> 00:50:22,480 ♪ One boy ♪ 787 00:50:22,562 --> 00:50:27,532 ♪ That's the way it should be ♪ 788 00:50:27,609 --> 00:50:31,199 Yeah. Yeah! That's the way it should be. 789 00:50:31,279 --> 00:50:33,369 ♪ One boy ♪ 790 00:50:33,448 --> 00:50:36,028 ♪ One certain boy ♪ 791 00:50:36,118 --> 00:50:38,748 ♪ One boy to laugh with ♪ 792 00:50:38,829 --> 00:50:42,499 ♪ To joke with Have Coke with ♪ 793 00:50:42,582 --> 00:50:45,292 ♪ One boy ♪ 794 00:50:45,377 --> 00:50:50,167 ♪ Not two or three ♪ 795 00:50:53,468 --> 00:50:56,048 ♪ One day ♪ 796 00:50:56,138 --> 00:50:59,388 ♪ You'll find out ♪ 797 00:50:59,474 --> 00:51:05,404 ♪ This is what life is all about ♪ 798 00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:11,240 ♪ You need someone who ♪ 799 00:51:11,319 --> 00:51:13,569 ♪ Is living ♪ 800 00:51:13,655 --> 00:51:17,695 ♪ Just for you ♪ 801 00:51:17,784 --> 00:51:21,084 ♪ One boy ♪ 802 00:51:21,163 --> 00:51:23,463 ♪ One steady boy ♪ 803 00:51:23,540 --> 00:51:26,040 ♪ One boy to be with ♪ 804 00:51:26,126 --> 00:51:29,756 ♪ Forever and ever ♪ 805 00:51:29,838 --> 00:51:32,628 ♪ One boy ♪ 806 00:51:32,716 --> 00:51:37,676 ♪ That's the way it should be ♪ 807 00:51:39,181 --> 00:51:45,231 ♪ That's the way it should be ♪ 808 00:51:52,861 --> 00:51:56,701 Now, is that the kiss of a woman interested in any other man? 809 00:51:59,201 --> 00:52:02,791 I don't know. How do I tell? 810 00:52:07,042 --> 00:52:10,802 Aw, but he made you faint! Oh, he did not! 811 00:52:10,879 --> 00:52:14,549 I-I was just exhausted cramming for my English exam. 812 00:52:16,510 --> 00:52:21,260 Hugo. Hugo, you‒ you've got to try to understand me... 813 00:52:21,348 --> 00:52:23,768 as a woman. 814 00:52:23,850 --> 00:52:27,100 Now, I might like Conrad as a friend. 815 00:52:27,187 --> 00:52:30,437 But when it comes to the real thing‒ 816 00:52:30,524 --> 00:52:33,574 oh, the grand passion‒ 817 00:52:35,278 --> 00:52:38,068 well, that's something special, Hugo. 818 00:52:38,156 --> 00:52:40,986 That's you. 819 00:52:41,076 --> 00:52:43,656 ♪ One day ♪ 820 00:52:43,745 --> 00:52:46,035 ♪ You'll find out ♪ 821 00:52:46,122 --> 00:52:49,502 ♪ This is what life is all about ♪ 822 00:52:49,584 --> 00:52:54,304 ♪ You need someone who ♪ 823 00:52:54,381 --> 00:52:56,591 ♪ Is living ♪ 824 00:52:56,675 --> 00:53:01,045 ♪ Just for you ♪ 825 00:53:01,137 --> 00:53:03,347 ♪ One boy ♪ 826 00:53:03,431 --> 00:53:05,811 ♪ One steady boy ♪ 827 00:53:05,892 --> 00:53:08,192 ♪ One boy to be with ♪ 828 00:53:08,270 --> 00:53:10,940 ♪ Forever and ever ♪ 829 00:53:11,022 --> 00:53:13,862 ♪ One boy ♪ 830 00:53:13,942 --> 00:53:20,282 ♪ That's the way it should be ♪ 831 00:53:20,365 --> 00:53:23,365 ♪ That's the way ♪ 832 00:53:23,451 --> 00:53:29,501 ♪ It should be ♪ 833 00:53:33,461 --> 00:53:36,051 Homework! Hey, I got homework to do! 834 00:53:36,131 --> 00:53:37,841 Come on. 835 00:53:50,353 --> 00:53:55,363 ♪ When will he find out ♪ 836 00:53:55,442 --> 00:54:00,322 ♪ This is what life is all about ♪ 837 00:54:01,698 --> 00:54:06,328 ♪ Will he ever see ♪ 838 00:54:07,787 --> 00:54:11,497 ♪ I need him ♪ 839 00:54:11,583 --> 00:54:18,343 ♪ And he needs me ♪ 840 00:54:18,465 --> 00:54:22,385 ♪ One boy ♪ ♪ One special boy ♪ 841 00:54:22,510 --> 00:54:24,970 ♪ One special boy ♪ ♪ One boy ♪ 842 00:54:25,096 --> 00:54:28,386 ♪ To be with always ♪ ♪ One boy to be with ♪ 843 00:54:28,516 --> 00:54:33,436 ♪ Forever and ever ♪ ♪ Forever ♪ 844 00:54:33,521 --> 00:54:37,361 ♪ I love him ♪ ♪ One boy ♪ 845 00:54:37,484 --> 00:54:46,034 ♪ I love him so ♪ ♪ That's the way it should be ♪ 846 00:54:47,911 --> 00:54:54,291 ♪ That's the way it should be ♪ 847 00:54:58,254 --> 00:55:02,474 ♪ That's the way ♪ 848 00:55:03,885 --> 00:55:11,055 ♪ It should be ♪♪ 849 00:55:23,405 --> 00:55:25,655 [ Rotary Dialing ] 850 00:55:28,785 --> 00:55:33,245 Hello, Sweet Apple Drive-In. I'm looking for my mother, Mrs. Peterson. 851 00:55:33,331 --> 00:55:37,501 Are you sure there's no one left in your drive-in? Okay, thank you. 852 00:55:37,585 --> 00:55:40,455 Don't worry, partner. Your mother'll get along fine. 853 00:55:40,547 --> 00:55:42,837 Sweet Apple's full of friendly folk. 854 00:55:42,924 --> 00:55:45,554 Oh, if anything happens to her, I'll never forgive myself. 855 00:55:45,677 --> 00:55:48,137 [Conrad] What kind of a dump is this? Dump? 856 00:55:48,221 --> 00:55:52,771 Conrad. Let's humor him, partner. If he walks off The Sullivan Show, we're sunk. 857 00:55:52,851 --> 00:55:54,771 Gotcha. 858 00:55:56,980 --> 00:55:59,570 I can't find no church key in my room. 859 00:55:59,649 --> 00:56:02,899 Church key? We've had a church here, but it's open. 860 00:56:03,028 --> 00:56:08,368 A can opener, man. Sheesh. You're from nowhere-like. [ Mock Chuckle ] 861 00:56:16,249 --> 00:56:18,289 [ Can Popping ] 862 00:56:18,418 --> 00:56:21,758 [ Both Chuckling ] Well, that's my favorite brand. 863 00:56:21,838 --> 00:56:25,008 Well, it's, uh... bedtime, huh, Conrad? 864 00:56:27,886 --> 00:56:31,766 Okay, for tonight. But tomorrow's Saturday. 865 00:56:31,848 --> 00:56:35,558 And that's my real tense night. 866 00:56:35,643 --> 00:56:37,563 [ Roaring ] 867 00:56:43,651 --> 00:56:46,401 Thanks, Mr. McAfee. 868 00:56:46,488 --> 00:56:50,698 The next time I have a daughter, I hope it's a boy. 869 00:56:50,784 --> 00:56:52,914 I am a lucky man, though, Albert. 870 00:56:52,994 --> 00:56:55,374 Meetin' up with a biochemical wizard. 871 00:56:55,455 --> 00:56:58,745 Peterson and McAfee are goin' right to the moon. 872 00:56:58,833 --> 00:57:03,633 I've got to. Not just for my mother, for Rosie. 873 00:57:09,844 --> 00:57:12,434 Well, I guess I'll get a little air and turn in. 874 00:57:12,514 --> 00:57:15,984 Take all the air you want, chum. [ Chuckling ] 875 00:57:31,741 --> 00:57:34,041 Hi, Rosie. 876 00:57:35,578 --> 00:57:39,248 Rosie, you don't have to worry about Mama. She'll show up. 877 00:57:39,374 --> 00:57:42,294 I'm certain she will. Well, then you oughta be happy. 878 00:57:42,377 --> 00:57:47,007 Kim's on the show. Conrad does my song. I promise I'll tell Mama about us. 879 00:57:49,050 --> 00:57:51,510 [ Sighs] Come on. 880 00:57:58,768 --> 00:58:03,688 ♪♪ 881 00:58:03,773 --> 00:58:06,653 ♪ Why look so awfully tragic ♪ 882 00:58:06,734 --> 00:58:09,074 ♪ Put on a happy face ♪ 883 00:58:09,154 --> 00:58:11,824 ♪ Smiling can work like magic ♪ 884 00:58:11,906 --> 00:58:14,446 ♪ Put on a happy face ♪ 885 00:58:14,534 --> 00:58:17,754 ♪ Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy ♪ 886 00:58:17,829 --> 00:58:19,959 ♪ It's not your style ♪ 887 00:58:20,039 --> 00:58:23,539 ♪ You'll look so good that you'll be glad you decided ♪ 888 00:58:23,626 --> 00:58:25,586 ♪ To smile ♪ 889 00:58:25,670 --> 00:58:28,210 ♪ Pick out a pleasant outlook ♪ 890 00:58:28,298 --> 00:58:30,838 ♪ Stick out that noble chin ♪ 891 00:58:30,925 --> 00:58:33,845 ♪ Wipe off the full-of-doubt look ♪ 892 00:58:33,928 --> 00:58:36,678 ♪ Slap on a happy grin ♪ 893 00:58:36,764 --> 00:58:40,694 ♪ And spread sunshine all over the place ♪ 894 00:58:40,768 --> 00:58:45,108 ♪ Just put on a happy face ♪ 895 00:58:49,694 --> 00:58:52,034 Flowers? 896 00:58:52,113 --> 00:58:54,663 [ Crying ] ♪ Put on a happy face ♪ 897 00:58:57,243 --> 00:59:00,003 [ Sinisterly] ♪ Put on a happy face ♪ 898 00:59:02,749 --> 00:59:04,959 ♪ It's such a strain ♪ 899 00:59:05,043 --> 00:59:07,883 ♪ I always try to chuckle hourly ♪ 900 00:59:07,962 --> 00:59:10,592 ♪ It clears the brain ♪ 901 00:59:13,009 --> 00:59:17,599 ♪ I knew a girl so gloomy She'd never laugh or sing ♪ 902 00:59:17,680 --> 00:59:20,390 ♪ She wouldn't listen to me ♪ 903 00:59:20,475 --> 00:59:22,635 ♪ Now she's a mean old thing♪ 904 00:59:22,727 --> 00:59:28,187 ♪ So spread sunshine all over the place ♪ 905 00:59:28,274 --> 00:59:31,744 ♪ Put on a happy ♪ 906 01:00:44,267 --> 01:00:51,977 [Together] ♪ So put on a happy face ♪♪ 907 01:00:54,319 --> 01:00:57,359 [ Both Laughing ] [Rustling] 908 01:01:06,748 --> 01:01:10,498 [ Laughs ] Well, like I said, 909 01:01:10,585 --> 01:01:13,295 you're a genius, Dr. Peterson. 910 01:01:13,379 --> 01:01:17,339 Ah, honey, you sure have put up with a lot, but this time we're gonna make it. 911 01:01:17,467 --> 01:01:21,007 Let's live in a small town like this. Anything you say, dear. 912 01:01:21,137 --> 01:01:25,177 Okay? The last time we were alone together, 913 01:01:25,266 --> 01:01:29,056 last summer at Palisades Park, we went through the Tunnel of Love. 914 01:01:29,145 --> 01:01:31,055 Your mother sat between us. 915 01:01:31,147 --> 01:01:34,107 Oh, honey, I told you, from now on, things are gonna be different. 916 01:01:34,192 --> 01:01:38,032 [Mrs. Peterson] Yoo-hoo! Albert! It's Mama. 917 01:01:38,112 --> 01:01:40,032 Mama? 918 01:01:40,114 --> 01:01:42,034 Mama! 919 01:01:43,451 --> 01:01:47,711 [ Sighs] Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. 920 01:01:47,789 --> 01:01:51,129 Boy gets mother. Eeew-ooo! 921 01:01:54,045 --> 01:01:58,215 Mama, where have you been? Neglected! That's where I've been. 922 01:01:58,299 --> 01:02:01,469 Well, I tried to find you. Have you had any dinner? 923 01:02:01,552 --> 01:02:05,812 A mother doesn't need food. Besides, I'd rather be with my famous son. 924 01:02:05,890 --> 01:02:09,730 Albert, what is it? Oh, it's your mother. Oh, good evening. 925 01:02:09,852 --> 01:02:12,612 How are you, ma'am? How can I be? 926 01:02:12,688 --> 01:02:16,068 Ripped from my native land, alone in this jungle. 927 01:02:16,150 --> 01:02:19,030 Gosh, Albert, I wish we had room to put up your mother. 928 01:02:19,112 --> 01:02:23,162 Thanks. A motel mattress full of lumps is good enough for me. 929 01:02:23,241 --> 01:02:26,241 Comfort is for my loving son. 930 01:02:26,327 --> 01:02:29,077 Oh! 931 01:02:29,163 --> 01:02:31,373 [ Sighing ] 932 01:02:31,457 --> 01:02:34,037 I just came to tuck you into bed. 933 01:02:34,127 --> 01:02:37,087 Mama's got a condition. She won't tell me what it is. 934 01:02:37,171 --> 01:02:39,921 Why worry a growing boy? 935 01:02:40,007 --> 01:02:43,087 Okay, if you insist. 936 01:02:43,177 --> 01:02:46,677 I got maybe one-tenth a normal heart. 937 01:02:46,764 --> 01:02:49,064 A mother doesn't need a heart. 938 01:02:49,142 --> 01:02:52,022 As soon as Albert and I get our new deal a-rollin', 939 01:02:52,103 --> 01:02:54,693 you'll have the finest doctors in the country. 940 01:02:54,772 --> 01:02:58,152 Deal? What deal, Albert? 941 01:02:58,234 --> 01:03:03,244 Well, Mama, I'm quitting the music business and going back to chemistry. 942 01:03:03,322 --> 01:03:07,242 That Rosie! She's finally turned you against me. 943 01:03:07,326 --> 01:03:09,286 Ah, please, Mama, she didn't! 944 01:03:09,370 --> 01:03:11,410 Albert, go, desert me! 945 01:03:11,497 --> 01:03:15,627 But when I was expecting him in the maternity ward, three days I waited. 946 01:03:15,710 --> 01:03:17,800 Did I desert him? No. 947 01:03:17,879 --> 01:03:21,259 I stayed right there so he wouldn't be alone when he was born! 948 01:03:21,340 --> 01:03:24,640 Mama, please don't excite yourself. Mama, you know I love you. 949 01:03:24,719 --> 01:03:27,469 It's just Rosie and I have plans. Okay. 950 01:03:27,555 --> 01:03:29,885 Lou. 951 01:03:29,974 --> 01:03:31,894 I'll be right up. 952 01:03:31,976 --> 01:03:33,976 Start dealing. 953 01:03:34,061 --> 01:03:36,231 [Shoes Squeaking] 954 01:03:36,314 --> 01:03:41,154 Just bury me on your front lawn so Rosie can walk all over me! 955 01:03:43,696 --> 01:03:46,236 Mama! Mama, please! 956 01:03:46,324 --> 01:03:50,164 It's not gas. It's electric. [Kim] Doris! 957 01:03:50,244 --> 01:03:53,664 - Doris! Doris! - [ Gasps] 958 01:03:53,748 --> 01:03:57,498 Doris, how do you like it? Isn't it exciting? 959 01:03:57,585 --> 01:04:01,415 No, no, no! I told you not to dye your hair! 960 01:04:01,506 --> 01:04:04,006 Oh, but I wanted to. Isn't it a gas? 961 01:04:04,091 --> 01:04:06,431 You dare defy your mother? 962 01:04:06,511 --> 01:04:09,891 - Well, it's my hair. - Not till you're 21. 963 01:04:09,972 --> 01:04:14,192 - What's the matter, Papa? - Young lady, you stay in your room till it changes back! 964 01:04:14,268 --> 01:04:16,598 Do ya hear? I won't! I won't! 965 01:04:16,729 --> 01:04:19,189 I demand respect around here. It's my hair. 966 01:04:19,273 --> 01:04:22,443 - Respect, do ya hear? Respect! - I respect you, Papa. 967 01:04:22,527 --> 01:04:24,857 I don't want your respect. 968 01:04:24,946 --> 01:04:28,866 Who wants respect from a ten-year-old kid? 969 01:04:28,950 --> 01:04:32,870 ♪ Kids I don't know what's wrong with these kids today ♪ 970 01:04:32,954 --> 01:04:37,294 ♪ Kids Who can understand anything they say ♪ 971 01:04:37,375 --> 01:04:41,545 ♪ Kids They are disobedient disrespectful oafs ♪ 972 01:04:41,629 --> 01:04:45,969 ♪ Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy loafers While we're on the subject ♪ 973 01:04:46,050 --> 01:04:50,140 ♪ Kids You can talk and talk till your face is blue ♪ 974 01:04:50,221 --> 01:04:54,481 ♪ Kids But they still do just what they want to do ♪ 975 01:04:54,559 --> 01:04:56,849 ♪ Why can't they be like we were ♪ 976 01:04:56,936 --> 01:04:58,936 ♪ Perfect in every way ♪ 977 01:04:59,021 --> 01:05:01,981 ♪ What's the matter with kids today ♪ 978 01:05:03,609 --> 01:05:07,069 ♪ Kids I've tried to raise you the best I could ♪ 979 01:05:07,154 --> 01:05:11,914 ♪ Kids All the things I've done were for your own good ♪ 980 01:05:11,993 --> 01:05:16,413 ♪ Kids Can't you once appreciate how I've sacrificed ♪ 981 01:05:16,497 --> 01:05:20,707 ♪ Working, slaving scrimping, saving pennies And living with your father ♪ 982 01:05:20,793 --> 01:05:23,593 ♪ Kids No one knows the burdens I've had to bear ♪ 983 01:05:23,671 --> 01:05:25,591 ♪ And in my condition ♪ 984 01:05:25,673 --> 01:05:29,343 ♪ Kids I'm a poor sick woman and does he care, ha ♪ 985 01:05:29,427 --> 01:05:33,717 ♪ Go on, go on and kill me That's what it's coming to ♪ 986 01:05:33,806 --> 01:05:37,016 ♪ When a mother has kids like you ♪ 987 01:05:38,686 --> 01:05:41,436 ♪ Kids ♪ ♪ All the chicken soup that I made for you ♪ 988 01:05:41,522 --> 01:05:43,442 Mama, take it easy. ♪ Kids ♪ 989 01:05:43,524 --> 01:05:46,494 ♪ Now you throw me out like a worn-out shoe ♪ 990 01:05:46,569 --> 01:05:51,119 Not in front of everybody, Mom. ♪ After all, I haven't been such an awful son ♪ 991 01:05:51,198 --> 01:05:54,538 ♪ I never sassed you back or leave a ring around the bathtub ♪ 992 01:05:54,660 --> 01:05:56,700 ♪ And don't I always phone you ♪ ♪ Kids ♪ 993 01:05:56,787 --> 01:05:59,957 ♪ You can give your life to them night and day ♪ 994 01:06:00,041 --> 01:06:02,501 ♪ Kids Then they go get married ♪ Married? Aah! 995 01:06:02,627 --> 01:06:04,627 ♪ And move away ♪ Who's gettin' married? 996 01:06:04,712 --> 01:06:06,802 ♪ Why do we have these children ♪ 997 01:06:06,881 --> 01:06:10,181 ♪ Better to have a pet ♪ You know where you stand with the pet. 998 01:06:10,259 --> 01:06:12,679 - [ Growling ] - [Yells] 999 01:06:12,762 --> 01:06:15,012 ♪ I've never asked for nothin' ♪ 1000 01:06:15,097 --> 01:06:17,017 ♪ Nothin' is what you'll get ♪ 1001 01:06:17,099 --> 01:06:20,099 [Together] ♪ What's the matter with kids to‒ ♪ 1002 01:06:20,227 --> 01:06:23,897 I tried, Lou, but I failed. Oh, you didn't, Mama. 1003 01:06:23,981 --> 01:06:26,981 [Mrs. Peterson] Don't try to pay me back, sonny. I forgive ya. 1004 01:06:27,109 --> 01:06:31,239 So what if you're an ingrate, so long as you're happy. I don't wanna be happy. 1005 01:06:31,322 --> 01:06:36,082 Don't feel guilty. Just make believe I'm an old, used car. Junk me, leave me in the gutter. 1006 01:06:36,202 --> 01:06:38,252 I'll never leave you. Never. You heard him. 1007 01:06:38,329 --> 01:06:41,959 - You're a witness. - I promise, Mama. I never broke a promise to my mama. 1008 01:06:42,083 --> 01:06:45,463 Good boy. ♪ Why can't they be like Albert ♪ 1009 01:06:45,544 --> 01:06:49,724 - ♪ Perfect in every way ♪ - ♪ What's the matter with kids ♪ 1010 01:06:49,799 --> 01:06:52,049 ♪ Yeah, what's the matter with kids ♪ 1011 01:06:52,134 --> 01:06:55,854 ♪ Nothing's the matter with kids today ♪♪ 1012 01:06:55,930 --> 01:06:58,220 [Whining, Barks] 1013 01:06:58,307 --> 01:07:01,187 Mr. Paisley, this is Rose De Leon. 1014 01:07:01,268 --> 01:07:06,728 You asked me to call if I had any free time. Well, I'm free. Very free. 1015 01:07:06,816 --> 01:07:10,066 - Rosie! - Ten minutes? 1016 01:07:10,152 --> 01:07:12,702 Oh, I'll be waiting for you. 1017 01:07:15,366 --> 01:07:18,406 Well‒ Don't worry, sonny. You can always get another secretary. 1018 01:07:18,494 --> 01:07:20,454 Rosie! 1019 01:07:24,583 --> 01:07:27,883 [ Girls Chattering, Screaming ] Can you see him? Can you see him? 1020 01:07:27,962 --> 01:07:29,922 No. Babette, can you see him? 1021 01:07:30,005 --> 01:07:34,795 I can't see him. All I can see is the basketball hoop. Hey, Gret, can you see him? 1022 01:07:34,885 --> 01:07:37,465 Conrad Birdie in our gym. 1023 01:07:37,638 --> 01:07:39,768 ♪♪ ♪ Uh, uh, oh ♪ 1024 01:07:39,849 --> 01:07:42,019 ♪ Gimme one last kiss ♪ 1025 01:07:42,101 --> 01:07:44,651 ♪ One last kiss ♪ 1026 01:07:44,729 --> 01:07:48,569 ♪ One more time Baby, one more time ♪ 1027 01:07:48,649 --> 01:07:52,739 ♪ It really is sublime Ah, baby, so sublime ♪ 1028 01:07:52,820 --> 01:07:54,910 ♪ You know I need your love ♪ 1029 01:07:54,989 --> 01:07:59,119 ♪ Uh, uh, oh Gimme one last kiss♪ 1030 01:07:59,201 --> 01:08:02,411 ♪ One last kiss ♪ 1031 01:08:02,496 --> 01:08:06,076 ♪ Ba-a-a-a-a-by ♪ 1032 01:08:06,167 --> 01:08:10,297 ♪ Gi-ive me one last kiss ♪ 1033 01:08:10,379 --> 01:08:14,929 ♪ Ba-a-a-a-a-by♪ 1034 01:08:15,009 --> 01:08:19,099 ♪ Gi-ive me one last kiss♪ 1035 01:08:19,180 --> 01:08:24,100 ♪ Oh, one last kiss♪ 1036 01:08:24,185 --> 01:08:26,475 ♪ Give me one last kiss♪ 1037 01:08:26,562 --> 01:08:30,782 ♪ It never felt like this Nah, baby, not like this♪ 1038 01:08:30,858 --> 01:08:32,988 ♪ Ya know I need your love ♪ 1039 01:08:33,068 --> 01:08:35,778 ♪ Uh, uh, oh‒ ♪♪ Okay, cut. 1040 01:08:35,863 --> 01:08:39,703 We'll rehearse the song later, Conrad. Al, what's the exact length? 1041 01:08:39,784 --> 01:08:43,704 Oh, uh, one, uh‒ 1:20. 1042 01:08:43,788 --> 01:08:47,248 Check. That gives us two minutes and forty seconds for Sullivan's intro to Kim. 1043 01:08:47,333 --> 01:08:51,633 Kim's good luck speech to Conrad. Then Conrad socks over a plug for army enlistment. 1044 01:08:51,712 --> 01:08:55,632 Bangs into the song. And we top it all off with a big kisseroo. Kim? 1045 01:08:55,716 --> 01:08:58,636 Yes, sir. 1046 01:08:58,719 --> 01:09:02,179 Uh, uh, beg, beg pardon, but when do I make my speech? 1047 01:09:02,264 --> 01:09:04,184 Speech? What speech? 1048 01:09:04,266 --> 01:09:08,186 I promised Mr. McAfee he could say a few words. After all, he's Kim's father. 1049 01:09:08,312 --> 01:09:11,612 Yes, he is. Kind of a hello from a proud parent. 1050 01:09:11,690 --> 01:09:16,150 All right. But ya can't have much time. In fact, all you can have is 20 seconds on the nose. 1051 01:09:16,237 --> 01:09:21,157 Gotcha. I'll just say a few words, get some big laughs. And introduce the Mayor. 1052 01:09:21,242 --> 01:09:23,832 The Mayor? Aw, come on, Al, what is this? 1053 01:09:23,911 --> 01:09:26,751 I‒ We had a problem. 1054 01:09:26,831 --> 01:09:29,711 I had to give the Mayor a spot to humor McAfee. 1055 01:09:29,792 --> 01:09:33,922 All right. All right. But we'll have to take ten seconds away from McAfee. 1056 01:09:34,046 --> 01:09:37,676 I imagine songwriting must be quite a lucrative profession. Oh, yes, it is. 1057 01:09:37,758 --> 01:09:40,468 Well, how many records of this song will they sell? 1058 01:09:40,594 --> 01:09:42,514 Oh, about one or two million. [ Laughs] 1059 01:09:42,596 --> 01:09:45,466 You know, Claude, I had a perfectly wonderful time last night. 1060 01:09:45,599 --> 01:09:47,939 You really are a wonderful dancer. Oh, I don't know. 1061 01:09:48,060 --> 01:09:51,730 When one's heart sings, one's feet take wings. Oh, how lyrical. 1062 01:09:51,856 --> 01:09:54,976 Is that Shelley or Keats? That, my dear, is Paisley. 1063 01:09:55,109 --> 01:09:57,029 Really? That's wonderful. Uh-huh. 1064 01:09:57,111 --> 01:09:59,071 [ Both Laughing ] Shall we go? 1065 01:09:59,154 --> 01:10:01,074 Surely. 1066 01:10:01,156 --> 01:10:04,196 [ Laughing ] 1067 01:10:04,285 --> 01:10:06,785 [Stage Manager] Okay, everybody, take your places. 1068 01:10:06,871 --> 01:10:08,831 Now, come on, Kim, move right over there. 1069 01:10:08,956 --> 01:10:11,246 Just read it like you normally would. [ Shoes Squeaking ] 1070 01:10:11,333 --> 01:10:15,003 And we, your admirers, are proud that our military leaders have called upon you‒ 1071 01:10:15,087 --> 01:10:18,967 Conrad, honey. Please, Mrs. Peterson, we're rehearsing. 1072 01:10:19,091 --> 01:10:21,721 All right now, Kim. [ Shoes Squeaking ] 1073 01:10:21,802 --> 01:10:25,472 Could you move over one, please? 1074 01:10:25,556 --> 01:10:30,186 Kim, you're talking too fast. Now once more, dear, but slower. 1075 01:10:30,311 --> 01:10:34,821 [Kim] To express to you‒ Tell me, Mrs. Peterson, what does your husband do? 1076 01:10:34,899 --> 01:10:37,439 I don't know. He's dead. 1077 01:10:37,526 --> 01:10:39,736 And‒ [ Clears Throat] And‒ 1078 01:10:39,820 --> 01:10:43,530 And I want to say on behalf of all the girls... 1079 01:10:43,616 --> 01:10:46,696 who are your devoted admirers‒ 1080 01:10:46,827 --> 01:10:49,577 Oh, I forgot what's next. Come on, man, let's go. 1081 01:10:49,663 --> 01:10:51,173 Hiya, Hugo. Hi, Kim. 1082 01:10:51,248 --> 01:10:53,828 - Look. - [Conrad] They don't want this jazz. They want Conrad. 1083 01:10:53,918 --> 01:10:57,668 There's the camera. I bail in. I sing up a storm. 1084 01:10:57,755 --> 01:10:59,965 I give this chick the message. [ Gasps] 1085 01:11:00,049 --> 01:11:02,129 [ Gasps] 1086 01:11:02,217 --> 01:11:04,757 [ Sighs ] This is my best side. 1087 01:11:04,845 --> 01:11:07,715 - She's fainted! - Applause. Applause. I'll dig you later, Dad. 1088 01:11:07,806 --> 01:11:11,476 - [ Hugo ] I've had enough! I'll put my foot down! - My baby! 1089 01:11:11,560 --> 01:11:13,980 I'm putting my foot down! She's not going on that show! 1090 01:11:14,104 --> 01:11:18,154 Oh, yes, she is. You're not wrecking my career. Oh, what happened? 1091 01:11:18,233 --> 01:11:20,653 Tell him you're through because you do not wish... 1092 01:11:20,736 --> 01:11:23,156 to humiliate your steady in this sordid fashion. 1093 01:11:23,238 --> 01:11:25,408 Hugo Peabody, you take that back! 1094 01:11:25,532 --> 01:11:28,162 I will not, but I will take my pin back! [ Groans ] 1095 01:11:28,243 --> 01:11:30,543 Oh, with pleasure! 1096 01:11:38,629 --> 01:11:42,799 Conrad, I know you're tense, but we haven't finished the number. It's not ready. 1097 01:11:42,883 --> 01:11:45,843 Conrad's a trooper, like I was. Us troopers get tense. 1098 01:11:45,928 --> 01:11:47,848 Yeah, man, like she said like. 1099 01:11:47,930 --> 01:11:50,770 Why don't you and I go for a nice ride in the country? 1100 01:11:50,849 --> 01:11:55,149 Uh-uh. Man, I hope I never get that tense. 1101 01:11:57,898 --> 01:12:00,278 I never should have said that to Rosie. 1102 01:12:00,401 --> 01:12:03,651 [ Kim ] Who does he think he is? Al, I got a wire from Sullivan. 1103 01:12:03,737 --> 01:12:06,947 "Russian Ballet switching to different dance, requiring additional four minutes. 1104 01:12:07,074 --> 01:12:11,294 "Therefore, the entire Birdie spot must be cut to less than 30 seconds. Cut? 1105 01:12:11,370 --> 01:12:14,370 Tell Peterson and Rosie I'm sorry, song is out, but no choice." 1106 01:12:14,456 --> 01:12:18,086 Oh, no! No, no! They can't do this! They can't cut the song! 1107 01:12:18,168 --> 01:12:22,338 They've already done it, kid. In thirty seconds, all Birdie can do is take a bow. 1108 01:12:22,423 --> 01:12:24,343 I'm awfully sorry. 1109 01:12:25,592 --> 01:12:27,472 The Russians! 1110 01:12:27,553 --> 01:12:32,523 First they take Czechoslovakia, now they take my four minutes! Oh, Mama. 1111 01:12:32,599 --> 01:12:35,019 Oh, baby. Oh. 1112 01:12:35,102 --> 01:12:38,312 Well, that's‒ that's show business. 1113 01:12:41,817 --> 01:12:44,777 [Car Engine Revving] 1114 01:12:49,366 --> 01:12:52,286 [People Chattering] 1115 01:12:55,330 --> 01:13:05,330 ♪♪ 1116 01:13:05,466 --> 01:13:09,716 ♪ There are chicks just right for some kissin' ♪ 1117 01:13:09,803 --> 01:13:14,103 ♪ And I mean to kiss me a few ♪ 1118 01:13:14,183 --> 01:13:18,653 ♪ Man, those chicks don't know what they're missin' ♪ 1119 01:13:18,729 --> 01:13:22,569 ♪ I got a lot of livin' to do ♪ 1120 01:13:22,649 --> 01:13:27,199 ♪ Sizzlin' steaks all ready for tastin' ♪ 1121 01:13:27,279 --> 01:13:31,079 ♪ And there's Cadillacs all shiny and new ♪ 1122 01:13:31,158 --> 01:13:36,248 ♪ Gotta move 'cause time is a-wastin' ♪ 1123 01:13:36,330 --> 01:13:39,960 ♪ I got a lot of livin' to do ♪ 1124 01:13:40,042 --> 01:13:43,172 ♪ There's music to play Places to go ♪ 1125 01:13:43,253 --> 01:13:45,133 ♪ People to see ♪ 1126 01:13:45,214 --> 01:13:49,134 ♪ Everything for you and me ♪ 1127 01:13:49,218 --> 01:13:53,428 ♪ Life's a ball if only you know it ♪ 1128 01:13:53,514 --> 01:13:57,814 ♪ And it's all just waitin' for you ♪ 1129 01:13:57,893 --> 01:14:02,113 ♪ You're alive so come on and show it ♪ 1130 01:14:02,189 --> 01:14:06,109 ♪ Yeah, we've got a lot of livin' to do ♪ 1131 01:14:06,193 --> 01:14:09,283 ♪ There are men ♪ 1132 01:14:09,363 --> 01:14:12,073 ♪ With childhood behind them ♪ 1133 01:14:13,534 --> 01:14:16,664 ♪ Handsome men ♪ 1134 01:14:16,745 --> 01:14:19,035 ♪ From Yale or Purdue ♪ 1135 01:14:20,874 --> 01:14:23,964 ♪ Older men ♪ 1136 01:14:24,044 --> 01:14:26,674 ♪ And I'm gonna find 'em ♪ 1137 01:14:28,549 --> 01:14:35,099 ♪ I got a lot of livin' to do ♪ 1138 01:14:35,180 --> 01:14:40,310 ♪ I-I-I'm a-gonna have fun Gonna be wild ♪ 1139 01:14:40,394 --> 01:14:43,234 ♪ Have my own way ♪ 1140 01:14:43,313 --> 01:14:46,653 ♪ I may break ♪ 1141 01:14:46,733 --> 01:14:49,743 ♪ A heart a day ♪ 1142 01:14:50,612 --> 01:14:53,782 ♪ Drink champagne ♪ 1143 01:14:53,866 --> 01:14:56,446 ♪ As if it were water ♪ 1144 01:14:58,245 --> 01:15:00,245 ♪ Pink champagne ♪ 1145 01:15:01,373 --> 01:15:04,213 ♪ And after a few ♪ 1146 01:15:05,252 --> 01:15:08,672 ♪ Daddy dear ♪ 1147 01:15:08,755 --> 01:15:11,585 ♪ You won't know your daughter ♪ 1148 01:15:13,677 --> 01:15:19,057 ♪ She's got a lot of livin' to do ♪ ♪♪ [Drumming] 1149 01:15:24,229 --> 01:15:28,529 ♪ Think I'll be a ring-a-ding drummer ♪ 1150 01:15:28,609 --> 01:15:32,859 ♪ Make each week a thousand or two ♪ 1151 01:15:32,946 --> 01:15:36,866 ♪ Gorgeous girls will beg for my number ♪ 1152 01:15:36,950 --> 01:15:41,620 ♪ Hey, I've got a lot of livin ' to do ♪ 1153 01:15:41,705 --> 01:15:44,285 ♪ Yes, I'm gonna break out Gonna take off ♪ 1154 01:15:44,374 --> 01:15:46,714 ♪ Gonna be free ♪ 1155 01:15:46,793 --> 01:15:50,963 ♪ This town is awfully square for a cat like me ♪ 1156 01:15:51,048 --> 01:15:54,838 ♪ Or I'll be a superjet pilot♪ 1157 01:15:54,927 --> 01:15:58,887 ♪ Fly me high way out in the blue ♪ 1158 01:15:58,972 --> 01:16:03,562 ♪ Then they'll see I'm no shrinking violet ♪ 1159 01:16:03,644 --> 01:16:06,984 ♪ Hey, I've got a lot of livin ' to do ♪ 1160 01:17:08,875 --> 01:17:10,835 [ Snapping Fingers] 1161 01:17:22,514 --> 01:17:25,814 ♪♪ [Rumba] 1162 01:17:36,111 --> 01:17:39,451 ♪♪ [Rumba] 1163 01:17:39,531 --> 01:17:42,581 ♪♪ [ Trilling ] 1164 01:17:56,965 --> 01:17:59,925 [ Snapping Fingers] 1165 01:18:39,049 --> 01:18:44,139 ♪ I got a lot of livin' to do ♪ 1166 01:19:05,575 --> 01:19:08,865 ♪ There's music to play ♪ ♪ Places to go ♪ 1167 01:19:08,954 --> 01:19:10,914 ♪ People to see ♪ 1168 01:19:10,997 --> 01:19:15,087 ♪ Ah, everything for you and me ♪ 1169 01:19:15,168 --> 01:19:19,378 ♪ Life's a ball if only you know it ♪ 1170 01:19:19,464 --> 01:19:23,764 ♪ Yeah, and it's all just waitin' for you ♪ 1171 01:19:23,844 --> 01:19:28,274 ♪ Oh, you're alive so come on and show it ♪ 1172 01:19:28,348 --> 01:19:33,018 ♪ Yeah, we got a lot of livin' Such a lot of livin' ♪ 1173 01:19:33,103 --> 01:19:35,613 ♪ Tonight's the night we're gonna fly ♪ 1174 01:19:35,689 --> 01:19:38,609 ♪ Let's kick this hick town into high ♪ 1175 01:19:42,237 --> 01:19:44,607 ♪ I want a taste of everything ♪ 1176 01:19:44,698 --> 01:19:47,278 ♪ Let's live it up and really swing ♪ 1177 01:19:47,367 --> 01:19:50,287 ♪ Got a lot of livin' ♪ 1178 01:19:50,370 --> 01:19:53,120 ♪ Livin', livin', livin' ♪ 1179 01:19:53,206 --> 01:19:56,536 ♪ Livin' to do ♪♪ Live! 1180 01:20:08,722 --> 01:20:11,642 [Car Engine Revving] 1181 01:20:13,393 --> 01:20:15,313 Hugo. 1182 01:20:15,395 --> 01:20:18,315 [Car Pulling A way] 1183 01:20:31,912 --> 01:20:34,832 ♪♪ [Ballet] 1184 01:20:45,425 --> 01:20:49,175 But you needn't bite my head off. I only asked a civil question. 1185 01:20:49,262 --> 01:20:53,602 Ten times you've asked me. I don't know why they changed to this slow dance for TV. 1186 01:20:53,683 --> 01:20:57,353 If Albert can't get 'em to cut it shorter, tomorrow night I won't be on Ed Sullivan. 1187 01:20:57,479 --> 01:21:01,019 And neither will Kim, and you know how much it means to her. How about m‒ 1188 01:21:01,107 --> 01:21:04,817 Well, anyway, Albert's still in with the manager, so that's a good sign. 1189 01:21:04,903 --> 01:21:07,783 If Eisenhower couldn't handle the Russians, how's Albert gonna talk to 'em? 1190 01:21:07,864 --> 01:21:12,334 Uh‒ Ahem. [ Speaking Russian ] 1191 01:21:12,410 --> 01:21:16,460 [ Russian ] 1192 01:21:18,041 --> 01:21:20,671 [ Russian ] Jack Kennedy. 1193 01:21:20,752 --> 01:21:22,712 Oh, uh, long live Joseph Stalin. 1194 01:21:22,837 --> 01:21:25,667 Stalin? I mean, uh, Stalin‒ Stalin lived too long. 1195 01:21:25,799 --> 01:21:28,339 Long live Khrushchev. [ Russian ] 1196 01:21:28,426 --> 01:21:31,006 [ Chuckles] 1197 01:21:32,973 --> 01:21:35,063 Ah! 1198 01:21:35,141 --> 01:21:38,231 [ Russian ] 1199 01:21:38,311 --> 01:21:40,561 [ Clears Throat] Um... 1200 01:21:40,647 --> 01:21:45,737 [ Russian ] 1201 01:21:45,819 --> 01:21:48,489 [ Chuckles] Save your life? Me? 1202 01:21:48,572 --> 01:21:51,282 My friend, if you are sick, see a doctor. 1203 01:21:51,366 --> 01:21:55,996 "If you're sick, see a doctor." You-You speak English? 1204 01:21:56,079 --> 01:21:58,829 It saves time. 1205 01:21:58,915 --> 01:22:03,085 What can I do for you‒ [ Russian ] Uh, Mr., eh, Peterson? 1206 01:22:03,169 --> 01:22:06,589 Sir, I have‒ I have come to appeal to you. 1207 01:22:06,673 --> 01:22:09,343 That ballet, the one you're doing on TV tomorrow night. 1208 01:22:09,426 --> 01:22:11,636 Da. [Russian] Mr. Ed Sullivan. 1209 01:22:11,720 --> 01:22:15,890 Yeah, that's the one. Could, could you just cut that four minutes? 1210 01:22:15,974 --> 01:22:18,024 Well, it's beautiful. I love it. 1211 01:22:18,101 --> 01:22:20,601 But my life depends on it. 1212 01:22:20,687 --> 01:22:23,147 Desecrate this classic? 1213 01:22:23,231 --> 01:22:26,031 I need the time for Conrad Birdie to sing my song. 1214 01:22:27,569 --> 01:22:30,779 Who sent you here? Senator Goldwater? 1215 01:22:30,864 --> 01:22:33,874 Will you cut three minutes? 1216 01:22:33,950 --> 01:22:36,120 Two minutes? 1217 01:22:36,202 --> 01:22:38,832 A minute and a half? 1218 01:22:38,913 --> 01:22:41,963 To cut even ten seconds would be artistic sabotage. 1219 01:22:42,042 --> 01:22:44,792 This ballet has historic significance. 1220 01:22:44,878 --> 01:22:48,008 It was performed the same day as the funeral of the Czar. 1221 01:22:48,089 --> 01:22:50,969 Lenin himself made the arrangement. 1222 01:22:51,092 --> 01:22:55,222 Lenin arranged music? No, funerals. [ Russian ] 1223 01:23:01,061 --> 01:23:04,861 [Kim] Hello, Rose. Oh, hi, Kim. You still up? 1224 01:23:04,939 --> 01:23:07,979 Oh, I'm so miserable, Rose. 1225 01:23:08,068 --> 01:23:12,698 I've lost Hugo, and now I'm not even going to be on TV. 1226 01:23:12,822 --> 01:23:16,082 Why not? Oh, the Ballet's taking four extra minutes, 1227 01:23:16,159 --> 01:23:19,039 so Birdie's song and the kiss are out. 1228 01:23:19,120 --> 01:23:22,330 Well, serves Albert right. 1229 01:23:22,415 --> 01:23:24,705 Oh, now come on, relax. 1230 01:23:24,793 --> 01:23:27,963 Faithless men like Albert and Hugo, they're all alike. 1231 01:23:28,046 --> 01:23:31,836 From puberty to stupidity, from Benedict Arnold to Mussolini. 1232 01:23:31,925 --> 01:23:36,255 Men... we laugh at them. Right? 1233 01:23:36,346 --> 01:23:41,016 It's easy for you to pick up the pieces of your shattered dream. 1234 01:23:41,101 --> 01:23:44,021 You've found a compensation. 1235 01:23:44,104 --> 01:23:49,114 Oh, that Claude Paisley's just too much. [ Sighs ] 1236 01:23:49,192 --> 01:23:52,112 He's too much all right. 1237 01:23:52,195 --> 01:23:54,405 But I won't mention of what. 1238 01:23:54,489 --> 01:23:57,329 All that charm, so genteel, 1239 01:23:57,409 --> 01:24:00,449 so educated, so underhanded! 1240 01:24:03,498 --> 01:24:08,548 You mean Mr. Paisley's like all the rest? I thought he was the marrying type. 1241 01:24:08,628 --> 01:24:12,798 Oh, he is. He is. He wanted to elope tonight. 1242 01:24:12,882 --> 01:24:15,642 And you know what? He'd like to live in New York. 1243 01:24:15,719 --> 01:24:18,049 Uh, not to teach. To be a songwriter. 1244 01:24:18,138 --> 01:24:20,468 - A songwriter? - [ Sighs ] 1245 01:24:20,557 --> 01:24:23,557 He's all the things I wanna get away from. 1246 01:24:23,643 --> 01:24:25,563 Oh, I'm sorry. 1247 01:24:25,645 --> 01:24:29,225 I never dreamed that Mr. Paisley, of all men‒ 1248 01:24:29,315 --> 01:24:33,855 Oh, well, men. They're only out to use us, Kim. 1249 01:24:33,945 --> 01:24:36,735 I know. Hugo's used me since we were freshmen. 1250 01:24:36,823 --> 01:24:39,873 All those years I wasted on Albert. 1251 01:24:39,951 --> 01:24:44,291 Rosie, the dependable one. Rosie, the patient one. Rosie, the good girl. 1252 01:24:44,372 --> 01:24:48,462 I know it sounds old-fashioned, but... I'm not ashamed to admit it. 1253 01:24:48,543 --> 01:24:50,753 I'm still a good girl. Rose? 1254 01:24:50,837 --> 01:24:53,337 Hmm? So am I. 1255 01:24:55,258 --> 01:24:58,508 No kidding? 1256 01:24:58,595 --> 01:25:01,095 Well, you won't be sorry. 1257 01:25:02,223 --> 01:25:04,183 [ Kisses] 1258 01:25:05,351 --> 01:25:07,771 Are you going out so late? Mm-hmm. 1259 01:25:07,854 --> 01:25:13,234 My farewell to Sweet Apple. A night to remember. I'm going to Maude's Café. 1260 01:25:13,318 --> 01:25:16,698 Maude's! That's a wild place. 1261 01:25:16,780 --> 01:25:19,120 You're not gonna do anything rash? 1262 01:25:19,199 --> 01:25:21,579 Whatever you hear about me, Kim, just tell them... 1263 01:25:21,659 --> 01:25:24,039 that she loved not wisely, but too well. 1264 01:25:24,120 --> 01:25:26,040 Ole! 1265 01:25:32,837 --> 01:25:35,877 ♪♪ [Big Band] 1266 01:25:37,592 --> 01:25:40,182 This is the place, Albert. Hottest spot in the county. 1267 01:25:40,303 --> 01:25:43,643 How do you know? Oh, I heard, only heard. 1268 01:25:43,765 --> 01:25:47,685 Albert, don't go in that place. I must. It's the only way. 1269 01:25:47,811 --> 01:25:52,151 But drinking won't solve anything. He's frustrated. 1270 01:25:52,232 --> 01:25:54,152 Good-bye. 1271 01:25:56,694 --> 01:25:59,704 Thanks. I'd go in there with you if I weren't a happy family man... 1272 01:25:59,781 --> 01:26:01,871 and not allowed to enjoy myself. 1273 01:26:01,950 --> 01:26:04,160 [Hugo] Oh, please, mister. I just‒ 1274 01:26:04,285 --> 01:26:07,495 I'm telling you for the last time! All I want is a drink. 1275 01:26:07,580 --> 01:26:10,000 No drinks! Now get lost! 1276 01:26:10,083 --> 01:26:13,293 Well, just a pint of bourbon? Gin? Scotch? 1277 01:26:13,419 --> 01:26:16,339 No! Well, how 'bout a malted with a little vodka? 1278 01:26:16,422 --> 01:26:18,882 Come back when you're 21. 1279 01:26:18,967 --> 01:26:23,467 Oh, well, well, I'm way over 21. I only look young from too much drinking. 1280 01:26:23,555 --> 01:26:26,265 [ Moans] 1281 01:26:29,936 --> 01:26:34,356 Oh, look at me. Look at this shell of a human being. The monster you've created. 1282 01:26:34,440 --> 01:26:38,860 Oh, I'm sorry about‒ Hugo, don't worry, you'll get Kim back. 1283 01:26:38,945 --> 01:26:42,735 No, thanks. The bloom is off the rose. 1284 01:26:42,824 --> 01:26:46,624 Rose. Little Rose. 1285 01:26:46,703 --> 01:26:50,043 A precious flower that I trampled on. 1286 01:27:01,718 --> 01:27:03,718 [Whimpers] 1287 01:27:05,555 --> 01:27:07,265 There we go. 1288 01:27:07,348 --> 01:27:10,848 A toast. To Mae, she's okay. [ Laughing ] 1289 01:27:10,935 --> 01:27:12,975 I'm a songwriter too, huh? 1290 01:27:13,062 --> 01:27:16,692 Would you call the McAfee house again and see my Al‒ Sonny! 1291 01:27:16,774 --> 01:27:19,074 Mama, what are you doing in a place like this? 1292 01:27:19,152 --> 01:27:22,032 I'm playing canasta. I got lonesome. Did you cut the Russians? 1293 01:27:22,155 --> 01:27:24,525 Why are you consorting with that strange man? Glad to meet you. 1294 01:27:24,616 --> 01:27:29,116 Looks ain't everything. Besides, Mr. Maude is 100% gentleman, and a widower. 1295 01:27:29,203 --> 01:27:30,913 Three times. Sit down, Albert. 1296 01:27:30,997 --> 01:27:34,497 Any son of Mae Peterson is a friend of mine. Come, come. 1297 01:27:34,584 --> 01:27:37,504 [Albert] Mama, get your things. We're taking the bus to New York tonight. 1298 01:27:37,629 --> 01:27:41,759 [Mrs. Peterson] Your song? It's all off? It's dead, Mama, like I am. 1299 01:27:41,841 --> 01:27:45,091 - You ain't goin', Mae. - You unhand her. Come on, Mama. 1300 01:27:45,178 --> 01:27:48,098 Okay, buster, set 'em up. Double scotch and gin on the side. 1301 01:27:48,181 --> 01:27:51,641 And, uh... a bourbon chaser. Make that a triple chaser. 1302 01:27:51,726 --> 01:27:54,596 And bring on the dancing boys! 1303 01:27:54,687 --> 01:27:57,857 Well, come on, make with the drinks, Meyer. We gotta put out this fire. 1304 01:27:59,067 --> 01:28:03,107 Uh‒ ♪ Everything is Rosie Cha-cha-cha ♪ 1305 01:28:03,237 --> 01:28:05,617 ♪ 'Cause my name is Rosie ♪ Ah, the poor thing. 1306 01:28:05,740 --> 01:28:07,910 ♪ Si, si, si ♪♪ She can't get over me. 1307 01:28:08,034 --> 01:28:11,164 She's singing the song I wrote for her. You wrote her a song? 1308 01:28:11,245 --> 01:28:14,705 Only eight bars, Mama. Somehow, I never could finish it. 1309 01:28:14,791 --> 01:28:17,961 Hey, what's with the red caps? You got a train inside? 1310 01:28:18,044 --> 01:28:20,424 [Laughing Hysterically] 1311 01:28:23,007 --> 01:28:24,927 Eeew! 1312 01:28:25,051 --> 01:28:29,391 Hey, where ya goin'? I'm gonna go and see what the boys in the backroom'll have. 1313 01:28:29,472 --> 01:28:31,602 Albert! Where are you going? 1314 01:28:31,683 --> 01:28:36,193 To save her from herself. To save her for me. She might get in trouble. 1315 01:28:36,270 --> 01:28:38,980 [Man] Report on the charity bazaar which we ran... 1316 01:28:39,065 --> 01:28:42,565 for the benefit of the old folks' home; to wit, net cash receipts: 1317 01:28:42,652 --> 01:28:46,662 $840.06. 1318 01:28:46,739 --> 01:28:50,489 - [Albert] Rosie! - Valuable goods contributed: two milk cows, live; 1319 01:28:50,576 --> 01:28:52,406 Rosie! 1320 01:28:52,495 --> 01:28:54,245 80 lugs of fresh fruit; 1321 01:28:54,330 --> 01:28:57,540 45young kumquat trees; 1322 01:28:57,625 --> 01:28:59,705 one ton of fertilizer‒ 1323 01:28:59,794 --> 01:29:01,924 Yoo-hoo! 1324 01:29:03,965 --> 01:29:05,925 Whoo-hoo? 1325 01:29:13,808 --> 01:29:18,858 And now, before the recording secretary reads the minutes from last week's meeting, 1326 01:29:18,938 --> 01:29:21,818 I wish to bring up a subject that I know is on... 1327 01:29:21,899 --> 01:29:26,449 everybody's mind... tonight. 1328 01:29:26,529 --> 01:29:28,609 Whoo-ooo. 1329 01:29:48,551 --> 01:29:51,471 ♪♪ [Egyptian] 1330 01:30:29,383 --> 01:30:31,763 As I was saying, gentlemen‒ 1331 01:30:31,844 --> 01:30:33,854 [ Gasps] 1332 01:30:33,930 --> 01:30:36,180 [ Shriner Gasps] [ Gasps ] 1333 01:30:40,311 --> 01:30:42,401 [ Moaning ] 1334 01:30:45,441 --> 01:30:47,361 [Yells] 1335 01:30:54,367 --> 01:30:56,537 Whoo-hoo! 1336 01:31:02,208 --> 01:31:04,128 Yeah! 1337 01:31:04,210 --> 01:31:07,050 [ Shriners Laughing ] 1338 01:31:07,171 --> 01:31:09,671 Hey! Whoo-whoo-whoo! 1339 01:31:17,723 --> 01:31:19,683 [ Shriners Shout] 1340 01:31:29,735 --> 01:31:31,645 [ Shouts] 1341 01:31:32,905 --> 01:31:35,525 Whoo-hoo! 1342 01:31:35,616 --> 01:31:37,236 Yeah! 1343 01:31:38,411 --> 01:31:40,331 Whoo-yeah. 1344 01:31:40,413 --> 01:31:42,333 Ah. [ Shouts] 1345 01:31:43,291 --> 01:31:45,211 Hey! Hey! 1346 01:31:45,293 --> 01:31:49,593 [ Shriners Howling, Chuckling ] 1347 01:31:49,714 --> 01:31:51,924 [ Shouting ] [ Gasps] No. 1348 01:31:53,551 --> 01:31:55,511 [ Rosie Gasping ] 1349 01:31:55,595 --> 01:31:58,055 [ Shriners Cheering ] 1350 01:32:08,065 --> 01:32:11,525 Oh. Oh! Oh! [ Screams ] [ Shriners ] Hey! 1351 01:32:11,652 --> 01:32:13,532 [ Whimpering ] Hey! 1352 01:32:13,654 --> 01:32:15,574 [ Screams ] Hey! 1353 01:32:15,656 --> 01:32:17,576 [ Screams] Hey! 1354 01:32:17,658 --> 01:32:20,998 Hey! Hey! 1355 01:32:21,120 --> 01:32:23,000 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! [ Coughing ] 1356 01:32:23,080 --> 01:32:27,460 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! [ Clanging ] 1357 01:32:27,543 --> 01:32:29,463 [ Screams] 1358 01:32:32,882 --> 01:32:34,802 No! No, listen, fellas. Stop! 1359 01:32:34,884 --> 01:32:37,434 [ Stammering ] Haah! 1360 01:32:40,306 --> 01:32:42,306 Rosie! 1361 01:32:43,726 --> 01:32:45,646 [ Screams] 1362 01:32:47,146 --> 01:32:49,476 Albert! 1363 01:32:52,235 --> 01:32:54,565 Whoa-oh! 1364 01:32:54,654 --> 01:32:58,244 Whoa-oh! 1365 01:32:58,324 --> 01:33:00,244 [ Shriners] Whoo-oo. 1366 01:33:00,326 --> 01:33:04,406 Albert! Whoa! Ole! 1367 01:33:07,792 --> 01:33:09,712 [ Shriners Cheering, Shouting ] 1368 01:33:30,356 --> 01:33:32,276 Rosie? 1369 01:33:34,443 --> 01:33:36,363 Rosie, baby? 1370 01:33:42,827 --> 01:33:44,787 Good morning, darling. 1371 01:33:44,870 --> 01:33:47,580 It's way past noon. Sleep okay, honey? 1372 01:33:47,665 --> 01:33:50,665 Mm-hmm. I tried not to. 1373 01:33:50,751 --> 01:33:54,051 I wanted to keep reliving that wonderful moment... 1374 01:33:55,631 --> 01:33:57,881 when my shining knight... 1375 01:33:57,967 --> 01:34:00,757 rushed into the sultan's cave... 1376 01:34:00,845 --> 01:34:03,095 and carried me off. 1377 01:34:04,557 --> 01:34:06,807 Well, that's just the beginning. 1378 01:34:06,892 --> 01:34:10,442 Pack. We're taking the bus to Niagara Falls. 1379 01:34:10,521 --> 01:34:12,441 Oh, yes, dear. 1380 01:34:17,486 --> 01:34:19,566 Rosie? Hmm? 1381 01:34:19,655 --> 01:34:23,325 You‒ You never saw me in pajamas before. 1382 01:34:23,409 --> 01:34:25,409 Are you disappointed? 1383 01:34:26,662 --> 01:34:28,622 Mm-mm. 1384 01:34:30,916 --> 01:34:32,876 Are you? [ Laughs] 1385 01:34:39,842 --> 01:34:41,722 Uh‒ 1386 01:34:43,095 --> 01:34:47,015 Let's take a plane to Niagara Falls. A jet! 1387 01:34:50,144 --> 01:34:52,404 Oh, Albert, 1388 01:34:52,480 --> 01:34:55,650 we came here to get your mother set financially. 1389 01:34:55,733 --> 01:35:00,533 Our marriage wouldn't have a chance if we started off feeling guilty about deserting her. 1390 01:35:00,613 --> 01:35:04,333 That's right. It may be a long time before I make any money. 1391 01:35:04,408 --> 01:35:06,658 Not if Birdie sang your song tonight. 1392 01:35:06,744 --> 01:35:11,874 No chance. I pleaded. They won't shorten the ballet, not even ten seconds. 1393 01:35:11,957 --> 01:35:15,957 It's the slowest dance I ever saw. They move like turtles. 1394 01:35:17,296 --> 01:35:19,586 Albert. Albert! 1395 01:35:19,673 --> 01:35:22,013 What? Randolph! Randolph! 1396 01:35:27,890 --> 01:35:32,100 Boys, those are really showstoppers! Frank, Dean and Sammy. 1397 01:35:32,186 --> 01:35:34,306 Come out here and take a bow. 1398 01:35:36,023 --> 01:35:40,403 [Applause] Frank, Dean and Sammy McWilliams. Thank you, boys. 1399 01:35:40,486 --> 01:35:44,316 Right now, here on our stage, the magnificent orchestra... 1400 01:35:44,407 --> 01:35:47,657 of American composer-conductor, Ray Block. 1401 01:35:47,743 --> 01:35:49,663 Now really, let's hear it. 1402 01:35:49,787 --> 01:35:52,707 Well, that oughta do it. Any questions? Not at all. 1403 01:35:52,790 --> 01:35:55,380 Okay, I'm going backstage. Right. 1404 01:35:59,338 --> 01:36:01,968 Don't know why I let that Albert drag us here. 1405 01:36:02,049 --> 01:36:04,589 Rosie said she might have a big surprise for us. 1406 01:36:04,677 --> 01:36:07,887 Maybe they'll show us sitting here on TV. I bet that's it. 1407 01:36:08,013 --> 01:36:12,353 Where did you get that money? I sold Mr. Peterson my chemical set. 1408 01:36:14,895 --> 01:36:18,975 Two minutes, Maestro. [Maestro] Borov will be there. 1409 01:36:19,066 --> 01:36:22,646 I've never been late for performance in whole career. 1410 01:36:24,238 --> 01:36:27,658 You say you from magazine? Uh, yes, American Ballet Magazine. 1411 01:36:27,741 --> 01:36:31,791 And we want a picture of the world's greatest conductor, Maestro Borov. 1412 01:36:31,871 --> 01:36:36,131 You flatter me. So, shoot me quick. 1413 01:36:36,208 --> 01:36:38,958 Oh, drinking this milk. 1414 01:36:39,044 --> 01:36:40,964 Milk? Yes. 1415 01:36:41,046 --> 01:36:44,086 [ Laughs ] We drink vodka, little flower. 1416 01:36:44,175 --> 01:36:47,925 Oh, no, well, no. No, thank you. Uh, please, Maestro, this milk. 1417 01:36:48,012 --> 01:36:53,062 You see, our President has asked us to drink more milk and it would be a goodwill gesture. 1418 01:36:53,142 --> 01:36:55,392 President? Yes! 1419 01:36:55,478 --> 01:37:00,228 Uh, won't you please, Maestro, to improve our relations? 1420 01:37:00,316 --> 01:37:02,896 You're pretty enough to be un-American. 1421 01:37:02,985 --> 01:37:05,395 Ahh. Ha-ha! 1422 01:37:05,488 --> 01:37:08,698 All right, here we go. Drink up. That's it. 1423 01:37:08,824 --> 01:37:14,044 [ Shutter Clicks] Now, keep drinking until I frame you‒ frame you perfectly. 1424 01:37:14,121 --> 01:37:16,501 All right, once more. Bottoms up. That's it. 1425 01:37:19,251 --> 01:37:21,341 [ Mumbling ] 1426 01:37:21,420 --> 01:37:23,670 Very good. 1427 01:37:23,756 --> 01:37:27,006 Ah, you got it! Uh, I mean, gotcha. 1428 01:37:29,637 --> 01:37:31,507 See you after, could be? 1429 01:37:31,639 --> 01:37:35,349 Oh, I'll catch up with you. And for you, I do not go too fast. 1430 01:37:35,434 --> 01:37:37,814 We shall see. [ Chuckles] 1431 01:37:37,937 --> 01:37:39,897 [ Chuckles] Good-bye. 1432 01:37:40,022 --> 01:37:42,822 Thank you. [ Speaking Russian ] 1433 01:37:52,618 --> 01:37:54,578 Mission accomplished. 1434 01:37:54,662 --> 01:37:56,582 He drank it? Yeah. 1435 01:37:56,664 --> 01:38:00,004 My formula works on chickens and Randolph's turtle, but I don't know about humans. 1436 01:38:00,084 --> 01:38:05,134 If it doesn't, we're no worse off; but if it does, this'll be the shortest ballet in history. 1437 01:38:05,214 --> 01:38:09,724 Now, ready, America and Canada, because here we go out to Columbus, Ohio, 1438 01:38:09,802 --> 01:38:15,062 where the Moscow Ballet dances the "Rose Adagio" from Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty, 1439 01:38:15,140 --> 01:38:17,850 conducted by Maestro Borzoi Borov. 1440 01:38:17,935 --> 01:38:21,225 Take it away, CBS, Columbus, Ohio. 1441 01:38:21,313 --> 01:38:23,363 We're on. Up on one. 1442 01:38:23,440 --> 01:38:25,900 [Audience Applauding] 1443 01:38:30,906 --> 01:38:33,406 Lights. 1444 01:38:38,247 --> 01:38:48,247 ♪♪ 1445 01:38:56,348 --> 01:38:58,928 [Applause ] 1446 01:39:05,566 --> 01:39:08,436 ♪♪ [ Harp ] 1447 01:39:38,474 --> 01:39:43,404 - ♪♪ [Orchestra Begins] - Camera two, can you move to your right a couple of feet? 1448 01:40:01,121 --> 01:40:03,251 [ Chattering In Russian ] 1449 01:40:14,259 --> 01:40:16,389 Magnificent! [ Sighs] 1450 01:40:38,575 --> 01:40:41,695 [Whispers] It's not gonna work. 1451 01:41:10,315 --> 01:41:14,275 ♪♪ [ Tempo Increases Rapidly] 1452 01:41:25,330 --> 01:41:28,080 Well, this is crazy. That's not the way it was rehearsed. 1453 01:41:28,167 --> 01:41:32,497 - [ Scattered Laughter] - What is it? What's the matter? 1454 01:41:32,588 --> 01:41:35,168 [ Chattering In Russian ] 1455 01:41:35,257 --> 01:41:37,837 What happened? [ Chuckling ] 1456 01:41:47,895 --> 01:41:50,265 [Audience Laughing ] 1457 01:41:50,355 --> 01:41:53,435 Borov! Borov! 1458 01:42:04,369 --> 01:42:07,959 Hello. [ Russian ] Ed Sullivan. 1459 01:42:10,083 --> 01:42:13,003 [ Russian ] 1460 01:42:13,086 --> 01:42:15,706 [ Crowd Chuckling ] 1461 01:42:19,802 --> 01:42:22,012 [ Laughing ] 1462 01:42:26,058 --> 01:42:29,898 [ Laughing ] 1463 01:42:29,978 --> 01:42:33,858 Bob! Bob! We'll have to kill some time. Put the Birdie song back in. 1464 01:42:33,941 --> 01:42:38,491 Got ya, Ed. Take over. Be prepared for the Birdie spot. 1465 01:42:45,452 --> 01:42:48,712 Albert, "One Last Kiss" is back in. Find Conrad. Rosie, get Kim. 1466 01:42:48,831 --> 01:42:52,501 Right. Put the Birdie spot on stage. And let's go, go, go! 1467 01:42:55,170 --> 01:42:58,260 [Laughing Continues] 1468 01:43:02,761 --> 01:43:06,061 McAfee, hurry up. Come on. Let's go. The song is back in. 1469 01:43:06,139 --> 01:43:08,559 What? Come on! Let's go! 1470 01:43:24,867 --> 01:43:27,787 [Crowd Laughs] 1471 01:43:32,457 --> 01:43:34,707 Are you crazy, Borov? 1472 01:43:43,468 --> 01:43:45,008 ♪♪ [Music Ends] 1473 01:43:45,137 --> 01:43:47,927 [Yelling In Russian ] [Crowd Laughing, Applauding] 1474 01:43:51,643 --> 01:43:54,353 Aye, yi, yi, yi, yi, yi! 1475 01:43:59,985 --> 01:44:03,235 I've never seen such speed in dancers. Thank you, Moscow Ballet... 1476 01:44:03,322 --> 01:44:05,572 for that brilliant and unexpected bit of burlesque. 1477 01:44:05,657 --> 01:44:10,077 And now, another great treat: Conrad Birdie. Yee-hoo! 1478 01:44:10,162 --> 01:44:13,172 [ Girls Screaming ] 1479 01:44:19,004 --> 01:44:21,884 [ Hysterical Screaming ] 1480 01:44:32,684 --> 01:44:35,854 - [ Mouthing Words] - What‒ 1481 01:44:38,690 --> 01:44:42,950 [ Sighs ] On behalf of all the members of the Sweet Apple chapter... 1482 01:44:43,070 --> 01:44:46,370 of the Conrad Birdie Fan Club, [Girls Screaming] 1483 01:44:50,744 --> 01:44:54,124 we wish to express to you our great pride... 1484 01:44:54,206 --> 01:44:56,286 in your brave deed. Hiya, Ed. 1485 01:44:56,375 --> 01:44:59,535 - Oh, no. - [ Mouthing Words] 1486 01:45:01,254 --> 01:45:04,224 Oh, hi. How are ya? 1487 01:45:10,180 --> 01:45:14,640 I wish to convey our deep pride in your brave deed, namely‒ 1488 01:45:14,726 --> 01:45:19,146 As a citizen, I'm proud to have Conrad defend my... family... 1489 01:45:19,231 --> 01:45:21,571 and the McAfee Fertilizer Company. 1490 01:45:23,068 --> 01:45:25,148 Conrad, sing. 1491 01:45:26,405 --> 01:45:29,445 ♪ Oh, one last kiss ♪ 1492 01:45:29,574 --> 01:45:32,244 [ Girls Screaming ] ♪ Gimme one last kiss ♪ 1493 01:45:32,327 --> 01:45:36,827 ♪ It never felt like this Nah, baby, not like this ♪ 1494 01:45:36,915 --> 01:45:40,835 ♪ Ya know I need your love Uh, uh, oh ♪ 1495 01:45:40,919 --> 01:45:43,709 ♪ Gimme one last kiss ♪ 1496 01:45:43,797 --> 01:45:46,337 ♪ One last kiss ♪ 1497 01:45:46,425 --> 01:45:50,175 ♪ One more time Baby, one more time ♪ 1498 01:45:50,262 --> 01:45:54,682 ♪ It really is sublime Ah, honey, so sublime ♪ 1499 01:45:54,766 --> 01:45:59,516 ♪ Ya know I need your love Uh, uh, oh ♪ 1500 01:45:59,604 --> 01:46:01,444 ♪ Gimme one last kiss ♪ 1501 01:46:01,523 --> 01:46:03,903 ♪ One last kiss ♪ 1502 01:46:03,984 --> 01:46:05,904 [ Girls Sighing ] 1503 01:46:05,986 --> 01:46:09,026 ♪ Ba-a-a-a-by♪ 1504 01:46:09,114 --> 01:46:12,834 ♪ Gi-ive me one last kiss♪ 1505 01:46:13,910 --> 01:46:17,870 ♪ Ba-a-a-a-by♪ 1506 01:46:17,956 --> 01:46:20,036 ♪ Give me one las‒♪♪ 1507 01:46:20,125 --> 01:46:22,415 [ People Gasping ] 1508 01:46:22,502 --> 01:46:25,552 [Crowd Chattering] 1509 01:46:29,051 --> 01:46:32,221 [ Mrs. Peterson ] Yoo-hoo! Albert! 1510 01:46:32,304 --> 01:46:34,314 [ Shoes Squeaking ] Albert! 1511 01:46:34,389 --> 01:46:38,809 Albert, I saw it all on TV. "One Last Kiss" was a disaster. 1512 01:46:38,894 --> 01:46:41,524 Who wants to buy a record of a guy with a glass jaw? 1513 01:46:41,646 --> 01:46:44,776 Now, will you take Mama's advice and get out of show business? I am! 1514 01:46:44,858 --> 01:46:48,238 My song may be dead, but my chemical formula works on people. 1515 01:46:48,320 --> 01:46:50,570 Shh. The Russians may have this place bugged. 1516 01:46:50,655 --> 01:46:54,825 It was Albert's formula that made the orchestra leader go that fast. 1517 01:46:54,910 --> 01:46:59,540 My genius! Oh! You gotta work on my cleaning woman. She gets a dollar an hour. 1518 01:46:59,664 --> 01:47:02,084 [ Chuckles] Yeah. Mama‒ 1519 01:47:04,044 --> 01:47:07,304 Mama, Rosie and I are going to Niagara Falls. 1520 01:47:09,007 --> 01:47:11,797 Well... 1521 01:47:12,886 --> 01:47:15,466 it's about time. 1522 01:47:19,226 --> 01:47:22,596 Oh, Mae, you have to come with us! 1523 01:47:22,687 --> 01:47:25,937 No. I'm one mother who doesn't mix in. Maude! 1524 01:47:26,024 --> 01:47:28,444 Don't fall in the pit, Maude. 1525 01:47:29,528 --> 01:47:31,278 [ Clears Throat] Albert. Yes? 1526 01:47:31,363 --> 01:47:33,663 I would like to do things proper, 1527 01:47:33,740 --> 01:47:36,540 so I would like the honor of becoming your stepfather. 1528 01:47:38,036 --> 01:47:40,906 Is it all right, Albert? 1529 01:47:40,997 --> 01:47:43,247 Mama, with my blessing! 1530 01:47:43,375 --> 01:47:46,495 Oh, I'm so glad, because we just got married. Yes. 1531 01:47:47,879 --> 01:47:51,299 - [ Laughs] What a surprise. - Oh, how exciting. 1532 01:47:51,383 --> 01:47:54,303 Oh, it's beautiful. Oh, congratulations. 1533 01:47:54,427 --> 01:47:58,137 Thank you very much. Let's go, Maudie. We're leaving for Akron. 1534 01:47:58,223 --> 01:48:01,523 Hubby has to open a new bar and he wants me to throw out the first beer can. 1535 01:48:01,601 --> 01:48:03,691 [Maude] Yeah, good-bye, son. 1536 01:48:03,812 --> 01:48:06,692 Niagara Falls is wet, so take your rubbers! Bye! 1537 01:48:06,773 --> 01:48:09,823 [Albert] Yes, Mrs. Maude. How about that Maude and Mrs. Peterson? 1538 01:48:09,901 --> 01:48:11,991 - Oh, ready here, Albert. - Be right with you. 1539 01:48:12,070 --> 01:48:16,320 No hurry, partner. I promise you one thing, snookums. 1540 01:48:16,408 --> 01:48:19,078 No matter how many millions I make selling Speed-Up, 1541 01:48:19,161 --> 01:48:22,001 I'll still be the same humble, lovable guy. 1542 01:48:22,080 --> 01:48:26,670 And if any of those hicks try to push me around, I'll break 'em. 1543 01:48:26,751 --> 01:48:29,171 ♪♪ [Piano Run] 1544 01:48:29,254 --> 01:48:32,764 ♪ Everything is Rosie ♪ 1545 01:48:32,883 --> 01:48:37,183 ♪ Since I found my Rosie ♪ Same old words. 1546 01:48:37,262 --> 01:48:41,022 ♪ With a girl like Rosie ♪ 1547 01:48:41,099 --> 01:48:43,189 [Together] ♪ How could I be blue ♪ 1548 01:48:43,268 --> 01:48:45,188 Same eight bars. Now what? 1549 01:48:45,270 --> 01:48:48,900 ♪ Hand in hand we'll mosey ♪ 1550 01:48:48,982 --> 01:48:51,192 ♪ Me and little Rosie ♪ 1551 01:48:52,777 --> 01:48:55,067 ♪ We will be so cozy ♪ 1552 01:48:55,155 --> 01:48:58,365 ♪ By a fire built for two ♪ 1553 01:48:58,450 --> 01:49:00,700 Oh, Albert, you're too much. 1554 01:49:00,785 --> 01:49:04,655 ♪ Oh, I once heard a poem that goes ♪ 1555 01:49:04,748 --> 01:49:08,378 ♪ "A rose is a rose is a rose" ♪ 1556 01:49:08,460 --> 01:49:12,380 ♪ But I don't agree Take it from me ♪ 1557 01:49:12,464 --> 01:49:15,934 ♪ There's one Rose sweeter than any that grows ♪ 1558 01:49:16,009 --> 01:49:18,139 ♪ And that's my Rosie ♪ 1559 01:49:19,262 --> 01:49:22,892 ♪ I'm so glad she chose me ♪ 1560 01:49:22,974 --> 01:49:25,644 ♪ Life is one sweet♪ 1561 01:49:25,727 --> 01:49:28,727 ♪ Beautiful song to me ♪ 1562 01:49:28,813 --> 01:49:32,573 ♪ Everything is Hugo ♪ 1563 01:49:32,651 --> 01:49:36,401 ♪ I will go where you go ♪ 1564 01:49:36,488 --> 01:49:40,528 ♪ With a boy like Hugo ♪ 1565 01:49:40,617 --> 01:49:43,697 ♪ How could I be blue ♪ 1566 01:49:44,788 --> 01:49:48,458 ♪ We will be so cozy ♪ 1567 01:49:48,541 --> 01:49:52,421 ♪ Just like Al and Rosie ♪ 1568 01:49:52,504 --> 01:49:55,264 [Together] ♪ But we're gonna mosey ♪ 1569 01:49:55,340 --> 01:49:58,430 ♪ In a hot rod built for two ♪ 1570 01:50:00,512 --> 01:50:04,392 - ♪ And that's my Rosie ♪ - ♪ Gee, how delighted we'll be ♪ 1571 01:50:04,516 --> 01:50:08,556 ♪ I'm so glad she chose me ♪ ♪ When you are cozy with me ♪ 1572 01:50:08,645 --> 01:50:12,815 [Together] ♪ Life is one sweet beautiful song ♪ 1573 01:50:12,899 --> 01:50:17,109 ♪ When love is right then what could be wrong ♪ 1574 01:50:17,195 --> 01:50:19,315 ♪ Life is one sweet ♪ 1575 01:50:19,406 --> 01:50:23,736 ♪ Beautiful song to me ♪♪ 1576 01:50:23,827 --> 01:50:27,907 ♪♪ 1577 01:50:27,998 --> 01:50:32,338 ♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪ 1578 01:50:32,419 --> 01:50:36,209 ♪ The army's got you now ♪ 1579 01:50:36,298 --> 01:50:40,638 ♪ I'll try, Birdie ♪ 1580 01:50:40,719 --> 01:50:45,889 ♪ To forget somehow ♪ [ Sighs] 1581 01:50:45,974 --> 01:50:51,024 ♪ No more sighing ♪ 1582 01:50:51,104 --> 01:50:54,774 ♪ Each time you move those lips ♪ 1583 01:50:54,858 --> 01:50:59,238 ♪ No more dying ♪ 1584 01:50:59,321 --> 01:51:02,821 ♪ When you twitch those hips ♪ 1585 01:51:02,907 --> 01:51:06,997 ♪ Your swivel and your sway Your super-duper class ♪ 1586 01:51:07,078 --> 01:51:12,168 ♪ There's nothing left to say but, Conrad, you're a gas ♪ 1587 01:51:13,835 --> 01:51:18,335 ♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪ 1588 01:51:18,423 --> 01:51:22,013 ♪ Ta-ta, ol' sweetie pie ♪ 1589 01:51:22,093 --> 01:51:26,473 ♪ Bye, bye, Birdie ♪ 1590 01:51:26,556 --> 01:51:30,516 ♪ Time for me to fly ♪ 1591 01:51:30,602 --> 01:51:34,982 ♪ Time for me to fly ♪ 1592 01:51:35,065 --> 01:51:40,195 ♪ Time to say good-bye ♪♪ 1593 01:51:40,278 --> 01:51:42,198 Bye now. 123389

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