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1
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:04,545
Do you think they have
yesterday's Daily News?
2
00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:06,714
MONICA: Why?
- I just wanna check my horoscope...
3
00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,507
...see if it was right.
4
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:13,762
Oh, my God. Phoebe. Don't look now,
but, behind you there's a guy...
5
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:16,890
...who has the potential to break our hearts
and plunge us into depression.
6
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,517
Where?
7
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,103
Ooh, come to Mama.
8
00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:24,106
Okay, he's coming.
Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
9
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,567
- Nice hat.
BOTH: Thanks.
10
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:29,945
- We should do something. Whistle.
- We're not gonna whistle.
11
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,321
- Yeah, come on, do it.
- No.
12
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:33,490
- Do it. Do it. Do it.
- Woo-hoo!
13
00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:36,285
[AMBULANCE SIRENS WAILING]
14
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,828
[TIRES SQUEALING THEN THUD]
15
00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:41,331
I can't believe you did that.
16
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,298
MONICA:
Why did I woo-hoo?
17
00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,884
I mean, what was I hoping?
He'd turn around and say:
18
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,220
"Ooh, I love that sound.
I must have you now"?
19
00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,556
I just wish there was something
we could do.
20
00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:41,100
[EKG BEEPING]
21
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:44,478
Hello. Hello, coma guy.
22
00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,398
Get up, you Girl Scout! Up, up, up!
23
00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:51,151
- Phoebe, what are you doing?
- Maybe nobody's tried this.
24
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,241
I wish we at least knew his name.
25
00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:59,034
Would you look at that face?
26
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:03,288
I mean, even sleeping he looks smart.
I bet he's a lawyer.
27
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,917
Yeah, but did you see the dents
in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.
28
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:11,588
Okay. He's a lawyer who teaches
sculpting on the side.
29
00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:14,007
And he can dance.
30
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:18,220
And he's the kind of guy who,
when you're talking, he's listening...
31
00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,722
...you know, and not saying,
"Yeah, I understand"...
32
00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:23,809
...but wondering what you look like naked.
- Oh, stop it.
33
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,772
I wish all guys could be like him.
34
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:31,984
I know.
35
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,783
Are there no conscious men
in the city for you two?
36
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:44,204
- He doesn't have anyone.
- Yeah. We feel kind of responsible.
37
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,499
I can't believe you said, "Woo-hoo."
38
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:49,585
I don't even say, "Woo-hoo."
39
00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,461
Oh, she's coming up. She's coming up.
40
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:52,671
Folks, when we come back...
41
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,882
...we'll talk about her new book
Euphoria Unbound...
42
00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:58,677
...with always-interesting Nora Tyler Bing.
Put the kids to bed for this one.
43
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,472
Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie's
is on Showtime and HBO and Cinemex.
44
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:05,684
- No way.
- Come on. She's your mom.
45
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,936
Exactly. Weekend at Bernie's.
46
00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:10,731
Dead guy getting hit
in the groin 20, 30 times.
47
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,567
- No?
- Chandler, I gotta tell you...
48
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,153
...I love your mom's books.
I love her books.
49
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:19,156
I cannot get on a plane without one.
I mean, this is so cool.
50
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,283
You wouldn't think it's cool
if you were 11...
51
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:25,704
...and all your friends were passing around
page 79 of Mistress Bitch.
52
00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,874
Come on, Chandler. I love your mom.
I think she's a blast.
53
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,085
- You can say that. She's not your mom.
ROSS: Oh, please. She's the...
54
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,588
RACHEL:
Hi, sweetie.
55
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:39,134
When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?
56
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,012
- Last night.
- Really?
57
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:45,474
So then his plane didn't explode
in a big ball of fire?
58
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,601
Just a dream I had.
59
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,561
But, phew.
60
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,314
Hey, hey, hey. She's on.
61
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,568
Ah. Nora Bing.
62
00:03:57,862 --> 00:03:59,071
Before we get to the book.
63
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,366
What is this about you being arrested
in London? What is that about?
64
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:06,954
- Your mom was arrested?
- Shh, I'm busy beaming with pride.
65
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,122
This is kind of embarrassing...
66
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:13,502
...but occasionally after
I've been intimate with a man...
67
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,964
- Why would she say that's embarrassing?
- Shh.
68
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:20,550
- I just get this craving
for Kung Pao chicken.
69
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,178
That's too much information.
70
00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:29,476
So now you're doing this book tour thing.
How's that going?
71
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:33,730
Oh, fine. I'm leaving
for New York tomorrow, which I hate.
72
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:36,149
But I get to see my son, who I love.
73
00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:37,776
GROUP:
Oh.
74
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:41,863
This is the way that I find out.
Most moms use the phone.
75
00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:46,034
You know, don't take this wrong,
I just don't see you as a mom somehow.
76
00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:50,163
- I don't mean that bad.
- Oh, no. I'm a fabulous mom.
77
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,791
I bought my son his first condoms.
78
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,174
And then he burst into flames.
79
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,100
[EKG BEEPING]
80
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:14,146
MONICA: Let's see. "Congress is
debating a new deficit-reduction bill.
81
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,606
The mayor wants to raise
subway fares again.
82
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,401
The high today was 45."
83
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,695
And, oh. And teams played sports.
84
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,302
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
85
00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:51,016
PHOEBE: What about Glen?
MONICA: No.
86
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,227
- He could be a Glen.
- Mm-mm. Not special enough.
87
00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,855
Ooh, how about Agamemnon?
88
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,940
Way too special.
89
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,743
I'm famished. What do I want?
90
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:13,246
Please, God, don't let it be
Kung Pao chicken.
91
00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:16,333
Oh, you watched the show.
What did you think?
92
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,628
Well, I think you need
to come out of your shell just...
93
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,632
What is this dive?
94
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,802
- Only you could've picked this place.
- Oh.
95
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,345
Come on. Shut up. It's fun.
96
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,013
- Hi.
NORA: Give me a hug.
97
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,975
- Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.
- I know I am.
98
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:35,727
- Who's doing shots?
- Hit me.
99
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,562
- I'm in.
- There you go. Ross?
100
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,649
Uh, I'm not really a shot-drinking
kind of guy.
101
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,526
Hi. Sorry. Sorry we're late.
102
00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:46,321
We, uh, kind of just, you know,
lost track of time.
103
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,659
But a man can change.
104
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,834
Anyone want me to appraise anything?
105
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:12,180
Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you,
I've read everything you've ever written.
106
00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,558
No, I mean it.
When I read Euphoria at Midnight...
107
00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:16,476
...all I wanted to do was become a writer.
108
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:19,479
Oh, please, honey.
If I can do it, anybody can.
109
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,357
You just start with half a dozen
European cities...
110
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,985
...throw in 30 euphemisms
for male genitalia...
111
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,863
...and, bam, you have got yourself
a book.
112
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:31,575
My mother, ladies and gentlemen.
113
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:37,706
Yeah, any messages for room 226?
114
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:42,252
- You okay, slugger?
- Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine.
115
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,600
What is with you tonight?
116
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:59,728
Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
117
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,938
NORA:
Okay, thank you.
118
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,527
It's the Italian hand-licker, isn't it?
119
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,572
No. It's the one he's licking.
120
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,158
She's supposed to be with you.
121
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,368
You're good.
122
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:20,165
Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold
100 million copies of my books...
123
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,458
...and you know why?
124
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,585
The girl on the cover
with her nipples showing?
125
00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:31,426
No, because I know how to write men
that women fall in love with.
126
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,595
Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo.
127
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,057
People will not turn 325 pages
for a Paolo.
128
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,975
Come on.
The guy's a secondary character.
129
00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:42,979
He's just a... You know, a complication
you eventually kill off.
130
00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:46,525
When?
131
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,363
He's not a hero.
132
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,198
You know who our hero is?
133
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,076
The guy on the cover
with his nipples showing?
134
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,411
No, it's you.
135
00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,205
- Please.
- No, really.
136
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,582
Come on. You're smart. You're sexy.
137
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,168
- Right.
- Oh, come on, kiddo.
138
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,004
You're gonna be fine, believe me.
139
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,010
Uh-oh.
140
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:29,734
Uh, I'll just pee in the street.
141
00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,035
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
142
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,288
Is Chandler here?
143
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:43,373
- Yeah.
- Wait. Come here.
144
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,418
Okay, uh, about last night...
145
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,169
...um, you know...
146
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:50,297
...Chandler. You didn't tell...
147
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,507
Okay, I'm thinking
we don't need to tell Chandler.
148
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,968
It was just a kiss. One kiss.
No big deal, right?
149
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,053
- Right. No big deal.
- Okay.
150
00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:58,930
In Bizarro-world.
151
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:03,560
You broke the code.
152
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:06,688
- What code?
- You don't kiss your friend's mom.
153
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:10,525
Sisters are okay.
Maybe a hot-looking aunt.
154
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,694
But not a mom. Never a mom.
155
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,154
[ALL SHOUTING]
156
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,657
What are you guys doing out here?
157
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:21,703
Uh, well, Joey and I had discussed getting
in an early morning racquetball game.
158
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:26,249
But, um,
apparently somebody overslept.
159
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,128
Yeah, well, you don't have your racquet.
160
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,422
No. No, I don't,
because it's being restrung.
161
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,383
Ahem. Somebody was supposed
to bring me one.
162
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:39,346
Yeah. Well, you didn't call
and leave your grip size.
163
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,809
Okay, you guys are spending
way too much time together.
164
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,356
Okay, I'm scum. I'm scum.
165
00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:51,983
- Ross, how could you let this happen?
- I don't know.
166
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:56,196
Well, it's not like she's a regular mom.
You know? She's sexy. She's...
167
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,490
You don't think my mom's sexy?
168
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,535
Well, not in the same way.
169
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,621
I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani...
170
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,748
...was a handsome woman in her day,
all right?
171
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,294
You think it's easy giving birth
to seven children?
172
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,754
Huh?
173
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,466
Okay, I think we're getting
into a weird area here.
174
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,343
- Aah.
- Hey.
175
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,136
- Hey.
- What are you guys doing out here?
176
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,473
Well, ha, ha, not playing racquetball.
177
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,687
- He forgot to leave his grip size.
- He didn't get the goggles.
178
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,689
Oh. Right.
179
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:34,526
Well, sounds like you two have issues.
180
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,238
Goodbye, baby.
181
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:39,698
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
182
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,535
Do they wait for me to do this?
183
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,543
- So are you gonna tell him?
- I'm not gonna tell him.
184
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,962
- Why would I tell him?
- How about, because if you don't...
185
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,256
...his mother might?
- Hmm.
186
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,550
What are you guys doing here?
187
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,845
Uh, he's not even wearing a jock strap.
188
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,269
What did I ask?
189
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,696
[EKG BEEPING]
190
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,449
- Hi.
- Hi.
191
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,452
What are you doing here?
192
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,455
Nothing. I just thought
I'd stop by, you know, after the, ahem...
193
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,332
That I, you know.
Um, so, what are you doing here?
194
00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,170
I'm not really here.
195
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:39,966
I just thought I'd drop these off
on the way. My way.
196
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:45,555
Do you, um, come here a lot...
197
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,265
...without me?
198
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,226
No, no, no.
199
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:56,191
So, um, do you think he's doing any better
than he was this morning?
200
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,320
How would I know? I wasn't here.
201
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,948
Really? Not even to,
um, change his pajamas?
202
00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:08,828
Oh, my God.
203
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:11,873
You're my friend. I had to tell you.
204
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,792
I can't believe it.
205
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,044
Paolo kissed my mom?
206
00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:20,673
Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you noticed,
but he had a lot to drink.
207
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:23,510
I mean, you know how he gets
when he's drunk...
208
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,263
I can't do this. I did it.
209
00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,974
It was me. I'm sorry. I kissed your mom.
210
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,768
What?
211
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:35,480
I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo
and I think I had too much tequila...
212
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,775
...and Nora... Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was...
213
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:43,154
She was just being nice, you know?
But nothing happened.
214
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,949
Nothing. Ask Joey. Joey came in...
215
00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:47,826
- You knew about this?
- Uh...
216
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,203
You know, knowledge is a tricky thing.
217
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,957
I spent the entire day with you.
Why didn't you tell me?
218
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,251
Hey, hey. You're lucky
I caught them when I did...
219
00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,169
...or else who knows
what would've happened?
220
00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,838
Thanks, man. Big help.
221
00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,465
I can't believe this.
What the hell were you thinking?
222
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,759
I wasn't. I don't know. I...
223
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,263
Of all my friends, no one knows the crap
I go through with my mom more than you.
224
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,765
- I know.
- I can't believe you did this.
225
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,226
- Me neither.
- I'm mad at you for not telling me.
226
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:16,771
- What are you mad at me...?
- Let me slam the door.
227
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,357
Chandler, I didn't kiss her. He did.
228
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,150
See what happens
when you break the code?
229
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,194
- Joey.
- Aah! Uh.
230
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,706
- Rach.
- Hey.
231
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:38,042
"A Woman Undone.
By Rachel Karen Green."
232
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:41,629
Yeah, I thought I'd give it a shot.
I'm still on the first chapter.
233
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:46,968
Now, do you think his "love stick"
can be "liberated from its denim prison"?
234
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,722
Yeah, I'd say so.
235
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:54,142
And there's no "J" in "engorged."
236
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,186
- Hey, Rach.
- Hey.
237
00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,105
- Hello.
- Hello.
238
00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:02,275
- You going to the hospital tonight?
- No. You?
239
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,110
No. You?
240
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,656
You just asked me.
241
00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:10,909
Okay, maybe it was a trick question.
242
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:15,872
- Um, Rachel, can we do this now?
- Okay.
243
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,250
I am so hot.
244
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,504
And here's a picture of my mother
and father on their wedding day.
245
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,507
Now, you tell me she's not a knockout.
246
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,053
I cannot believe
we're having this conversation.
247
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,805
Come on, just try to picture her
not pregnant. That's all.
248
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:38,394
Central Perk is proud to present
Miss Phoebe Buffay.
249
00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:39,979
[CROWD CHEERING]
250
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:41,773
PHOEBE:
Thanks.
251
00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:43,691
Hi. Um, ahem. Okay.
252
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:47,195
I'd like to start with a song
that's about a man I recently met...
253
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:50,573
...who's, um, come to be
very important to me.
254
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,202
Okay.
255
00:15:56,914 --> 00:16:00,667
[SINGING] You don't have to be awake
To be my man
256
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:07,882
Long as you have brain waves
I'll be there to hold your hand
257
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,719
Though we just met the other day
258
00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:15,181
There's something I have got to say
259
00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:19,310
Okay, thank you very much.
I'm gonna take a short break.
260
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:25,233
RACHEL: Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay,
everybody. Whoo!
261
00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:29,195
- What the hell was that?
- Phoebe just started...
262
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,991
I believe I was talking to Joey.
All right, there, mother-kisser?
263
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,283
[LAUGHING]
264
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,123
"Mother-kisser."
265
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:42,792
I'll shut up.
266
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,586
Chandler, can I say something?
I know you're still mad at me.
267
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,965
I just wanna say that there were
two people there that night, okay?
268
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,051
- There were two sets of lips.
- Yes, well, I expect this from her.
269
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,971
Okay? She's always been
a Freudian nightmare.
270
00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:58,349
Okay, but if she always behaves like this,
why don't you say something?
271
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,394
Because it's complicated. It's complex.
272
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,229
Hey, you kissed my mom.
273
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,444
We're rehearsing a Greek play.
274
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,572
- That's funny. We done now?
- No.
275
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,992
Okay, you mean you're not gonna
talk to her, tell her how you feel?
276
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,454
That would be a no. Just because
you played tonsil tennis with my mom...
277
00:17:19,621 --> 00:17:22,832
...doesn't mean you know her, all right?
Trust me, you can't talk to her.
278
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,376
Okay. "You can't"? Or you can't?
279
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:30,965
Okay, that's my finger.
Okay, that's my knee.
280
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,925
Still doing the play.
281
00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,469
[SHOUTS THEN HUMS]
282
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:42,769
All right, what did you do with him?
283
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,354
[TOILET FLUSHES]
284
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,941
- You're awake.
- Look at you.
285
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,109
How do you feel?
286
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:53,362
Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.
287
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,573
Gosh, you look good.
288
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,533
I feel good.
289
00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,911
Who are you?
290
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,746
- Sorry.
- I'm Phoebe Buffay.
291
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,499
I'm Monica Geller.
I've been taking care of you.
292
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:05,666
We both have.
293
00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:08,836
- So the Etch A Sketch is from you guys?
- Actually, it's just from me.
294
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:11,923
- Yeah, I got you the foot massager.
- Know who shaved you? That was me.
295
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,009
- I read to you.
- I sang. Ha.
296
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:17,970
Well, thanks.
297
00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:20,389
- Oh, my pleasure.
- You're welcome.
298
00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,518
So I guess I'll see you around.
299
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,354
What? That's it?
300
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,606
"See you around"?
301
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:32,068
- Well, what do you want me to say?
- Well, I don't know.
302
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,569
Maybe, uh:
303
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,113
"That was nice.
304
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,739
It meant something to me.
305
00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:39,867
I'll call you."
306
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:44,038
- All right. I'll call you.
- I don't think you mean that.
307
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,377
This is so typical.
308
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:50,670
You know, we give...
309
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,296
...and we give...
310
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,006
...and we give.
311
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,467
And then we just get nothing back.
312
00:18:56,635 --> 00:19:00,471
And then one day, it's just, you know,
you wake up and "See you around."
313
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,559
Let's go, Phoebe.
314
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,896
You know what?
We thought you were different.
315
00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:11,357
But I guess it was just the coma.
316
00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,613
NORA:
The car's running downstairs.
317
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,241
I wanted to drop off these copies
of my book for your friends.
318
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:25,580
- Anything you want from Lisbon?
- No, just knowing you're there is enough.
319
00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:29,834
All right. Well, be good. I love you.
320
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,130
You kissed my best Ross.
321
00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:38,551
Or something to that effect.
322
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,846
Okay.
323
00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,643
Look, it was stupid.
324
00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:50,188
- Really stupid.
- Really stupid.
325
00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,692
And I don't even know how it happened.
326
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:58,738
I'm sorry, honey.
I promise it will never happen again.
327
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,034
- Are we okay now?
- Yeah.
328
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:06,495
No. No.
329
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,960
Ah, the forbidden love
of a man and his door.
330
00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,378
Shh.
331
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:18,466
He did it. He told her off. And not just
about the kiss, about everything.
332
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:19,675
- You're kidding?
- No.
333
00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,511
He said, "When are you gonna
grow up and start being a mom?"
334
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,764
- Wow.
- Wait, then she came back with:
335
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:29,477
"The question is, when are you gonna
grow up and realize I have a bomb?"
336
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,105
Okay, wait. Are you sure she didn't say:
337
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:37,109
"When are you gonna grow up
and realize I am your mom?"
338
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,823
- That makes more sense.
- You think?
339
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:44,533
Yeah.
340
00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,786
So, what's going on now?
341
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,997
I don't know. I've been standing here
spelling it out for you.
342
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,335
I don't hear anything. Wait, wait, wait.
343
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,711
What do you see?
344
00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:58,297
It's hard to tell.
They're so tiny and upside down.
345
00:20:58,465 --> 00:20:59,799
Wait, wait, wait.
346
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:03,386
They're walking away.
They're walking away.
347
00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:06,973
No, they're not. They're coming
right at us. Run, run!
348
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:10,810
You okay, kiddo?
349
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:14,230
- Yeah, I'm okay.
- All right. You be good.
350
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,148
Drive safe.
351
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:17,692
[CHUCKLES]
352
00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,778
- Mrs. Bing.
- Mr. Geller.
353
00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:27,201
Hey.
354
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,621
You mean that?
355
00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,457
Yeah, why not?
356
00:21:35,168 --> 00:21:36,877
- So I told her.
- Oh.
357
00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:39,588
- How did it go?
- Awful. Awful.
358
00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:41,674
Couldn't have gone worse.
359
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,261
- Well, how do you feel?
- Pretty good.
360
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,848
I told her.
361
00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:51,017
Well, see?
362
00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:55,354
So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea,
you know, me kissing your mom, huh?
363
00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:58,024
But we don't have to go down that road.
364
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:06,657
Now, this is just the first chapter...
365
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:11,954
...and I want your absolute
honest opinion. Okay?
366
00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:16,834
Oh, and on page two, he's not reaching
for her "heaving beasts."
367
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:18,961
What's a "niffle"?
368
00:22:19,212 --> 00:22:22,131
You can usually find them
on the heaving beasts.
369
00:22:24,259 --> 00:22:26,510
All right, all right,
so I'm not a great typist.
370
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:30,723
Wait, did you get to the part
about his "huge, throbbing pens"?
371
00:22:31,558 --> 00:22:34,810
Tell you, you don't wanna be around
when he starts writing with those.
372
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:38,105
- All right, that's it. Give them back.
GROUP: No.
373
00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:42,943
[English - US - SDH]
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