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1
00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:03,897
‐ Thanks, everybody,
for coming out
2
00:00:03,921 --> 00:00:04,898
to Hitchcock's
divorce party.
3
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:07,483
‐ Why is the cake
two men getting married?
4
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:08,902
‐ That's me and Hitchcock.
The boys are back together!
5
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:10,069
‐ This cake
for a gay wedding.
6
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,321
The inside is a rainbow.
‐ Nuh‐uh.
7
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:12,989
It's my favorite flavor:
All the flavors!
8
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,824
‐ I can't believe
Bethany's gone.
9
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,577
It was so out of the blue.
‐ Well, not entirely.
10
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,412
I mean, she did have an affair
with her hairdresser,
11
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:21,122
and you filmed it and
threatened to release the tape,
12
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:22,332
and then she said
she didn't care
13
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,666
and put it on the internet
herself,
14
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,168
and then when it
started to make money,
15
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:26,669
you sued her
for half the profits.
16
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,504
‐ And then boom, out of
the blue: Divorce papers.
17
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:29,964
‐ Aw, buddy, you'll be okay.
18
00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:31,633
‐ It doesn't feel like it.
19
00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:34,469
My heart is ruined forever.
I'm done with love.
20
00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:35,845
I'll never find anyone as‐‐.
21
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:39,057
Oh, my God!
Get a load of the can on her!
22
00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:41,392
See ya dorks,
I'm gonna get some.
23
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:43,853
‐ Well, Hitchcock still sucks.
24
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,208
‐ Hey,
25
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,460
did you get my
sexy calendar invite?
26
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:10,171
‐ You mean the one titled
"8:00 pm coitus"?
27
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:12,632
‐ Yes, and the one
titled 7:55 foreplay.
28
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:14,217
You didn't
accept either invite.
29
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,219
Oh.
I can start foreplay later.
30
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,303
‐ No, no, no.
31
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,513
I love foreplay, as you know.
32
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:19,889
It's just‐‐this is all feeling
33
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,724
a little overscheduled,
you know?
34
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,394
It might be taking some of
the fun out of making a baby.
35
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:27,480
‐ Oh, okay.
So what are you suggesting?
36
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,732
‐ Maybe we try this
The Jake Way.
37
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,401
‐ Eating dinner
starting with dessert?
38
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,402
‐ That's one Jake Way.
You know?
39
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,653
The Jake Way is a brand.
40
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:35,154
It encompasses
a whole lifestyle.
41
00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,823
So get ready,
because this month,
42
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:39,409
we're making a baby
The Jake Way.
43
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,369
‐ Okay, I'm in.
Sounds fun.
44
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:43,871
So, are we doing tonight, or...
‐ Oh, no, no, no.
45
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:46,082
The Jake Way does not believe
in scheduling.
46
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,542
You gotta just let go.
47
00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:48,876
‐ You don't know
what The Jake Way is.
48
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,211
‐ Nope,
but we've got a name for it,
49
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,379
and that's a great start.
50
00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:52,922
The Jake Way!
51
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,590
‐ Lieutenant, as you know,
52
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,884
I've been walking the same beat
for the past three weeks.
53
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,594
It's become a bit tedious.
54
00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:00,221
‐ I thought you loved tedium.
55
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:01,639
‐ I love monotony.
They're very different.
56
00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,641
‐ I'm sorry,
but you know our policy
57
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,101
is that uniformed officers
must walk
58
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,769
the same beat for six months.
59
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:09,230
It's how they become familiar
with the community they serve.
60
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:10,857
‐ Well, surely you can
make an exception for me.
61
00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:12,108
‐ I can't play favorites.
62
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,443
You never did
when you were in charge.
63
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,736
‐ Of course I did.
‐ Really?
64
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,279
I never got any
special treatment.
65
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:18,114
‐ I think you
can do the math there.
66
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,282
‐ Damn.
67
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:20,617
Well, think of it this way:
68
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,118
It's like doing reps at a gym.
69
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,037
Doing something
over and over again
70
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,538
is how you
make your pecs pop.
71
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,624
‐ The only muscle
I care to work out is my brain.
72
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,376
‐ Then get those reps in
and make that brain pop.
73
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,794
Pop, pop.
Pop, pop, pop.
74
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,630
‐ What you're describing
is an aneurism.
75
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:36,132
‐ Pop, pop.
Pop, pop, pop.
76
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,092
‐ It's official!
I'm in love.
77
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:40,637
I just spent the night
with the woman of my dreams.
78
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,305
‐ The lady from
your divorce party?
79
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:43,514
‐ Yeah.
She's my soulmate.
80
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,475
She's funny.
She's beautiful.
81
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,143
She has almost no scars.
‐ Hot biscuits.
82
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,728
It sounds like
you hooked a live one.
83
00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:50,647
‐ I know; We walked
along the river for hours,
84
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,065
just talking and laughing.
85
00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:54,609
She even gave me
her real number.
86
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,152
‐ Really?
‐ Check it out.
87
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,446
‐ That's just a dirty
old napkin covered in sauce.
88
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:00,990
‐ Oh, no. Her number!
It's totally ruined.
89
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,076
I knew I shouldn't have
had those breakfast wings.
90
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,661
‐ Oh, bud, I'm so sorry.
91
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,496
‐ Now all I have to
remember her by is this tooth.
92
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,498
‐ What the hell?
Why do you have that?
93
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:09,999
‐ We were eating pizza,
and it fell out of her mouth.
94
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,001
‐ Well, this is perfect.
We can use it to find her.
95
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,336
‐ What do you mean?
96
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,837
‐ We just have to try
fitting that tooth
97
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,673
into the mouth of every woman
in New York City
98
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,783
till we find the matching
gum hole of your one true love.
99
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,680
‐ My life is like a fairytale!
100
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,390
‐ So, Lieutenant,
sorry to take up your time.
101
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,809
I just wanted to go over
the CompStat numbers.
102
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,686
Um, what the‐‐
‐ Is something wrong?
103
00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:34,273
Are the CompStat numbers bad?
104
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:36,359
‐ The numbers are
fine and I have to go.
105
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,694
‐ Oh, okay, then why'd you ask
for this meeting?
106
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:39,695
‐ Don't follow me.
107
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,322
‐ What?
I wasn't going to!
108
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,699
This was a very
confusing interaction!
109
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:46,494
‐ Hmm.
110
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,496
Hello?
‐ Hello, Sergeant Santiago.
111
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,498
I've taken your husband
hostage.
112
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,333
If you ever want
to make a baby with him,
113
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,168
you'll do exactly as I say.
114
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,711
‐ Jake, where are you?
115
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,713
‐ Oh, this isn't Jake.
This is the Syndicate.
116
00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,215
And you will never see us,
117
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,216
because we are
everywhere and‐‐
118
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,551
‐ You're by the elevators.
119
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,553
‐ Dammit! Don't‐‐
look away! Look away!
120
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,555
‐ Okay.
‐ Yes, that's better.
121
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,432
On top of the copier,
there's a headset.
122
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:10,101
Put it on and get in the limo
that's waiting out front.
123
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:11,561
‐ Mm, okay, I love you.
124
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,295
‐ I love you, too.
Now go!
125
00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:17,400
‐ Are you Amy?
126
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,901
‐ Tell him "yes."
‐ Yes.
127
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,487
‐ How does it feel
to be played like a puppet?
128
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,741
‐ Okay,
I'm walking into the apartment.
129
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,910
Why did you have me
get $400 out of the ATM?
130
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:30,329
‐ Good question.
It's to pay for the Airbnb.
131
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,165
‐ You're giving them
$400 in cash?
132
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:35,001
‐ I broke several lamps while
trying to hide in the dark.
133
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:36,335
Now, turn on the lights.
134
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,212
‐ Okay.
135
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,213
Hello... it's me.
136
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:40,256
‐ Put down the drinks.
137
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,716
‐ Why?
Are you upset?
138
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:42,925
‐ Yeah, and now I have to
take The Syndicate down.
139
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,343
‐ Oh, my goodness.
140
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:45,428
To be clear,
by "take down The Syndicate,"
141
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,763
you mean we're gonna have‐‐
142
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,473
‐ We're gonna have sex, yeah.
‐ Okay.
143
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:49,891
‐ Yeah, absolutely.
Take your clothes off.
144
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,018
‐ Boyle, what are those?
145
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,395
‐ My guinea pigs.
This lady is Claire.
146
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,856
And this guy
is also named Claire.
147
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,358
‐ You can't have pets in here.
This is a police precinct.
148
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:00,610
‐ I know, I'm sorry.
149
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,111
I got them
for Nikolaj's birthday,
150
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,446
but it turns out he's allergic
151
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:04,781
and the pet store
won't take them back.
152
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,240
‐ I've got a friend
who works in a lab.
153
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:07,617
I can call and see if they need
154
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,243
any guinea pigs
for their research.
155
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,120
‐ They are not
science experiments!
156
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,205
They are living creatures
157
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:13,790
with rich inner lives.
158
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,125
‐ Claire number two is
stuck on his back like a bug.
159
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,543
‐ Oh, I'll handle this.
160
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,462
Flip! Flip!
161
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:20,546
Oh,
I flipped the wrong Claire.
162
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:21,923
‐ Stop flipping guinea pigs
163
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:23,090
and get them out of here!
164
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,051
‐ I'll make 'em disappear,
Lieutenant.
165
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,427
‐ Oh!
Don't kill them.
166
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:27,804
They have so much to live for.
167
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:28,971
They haven't even
been to Manhattan yet.
168
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:30,473
‐ Okay, coast is clear.
169
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,682
I know a safe place
we can hide these guys
170
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,017
until we can find
homes for them.
171
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,310
‐ You're not
going to murder them?
172
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,478
‐ Hell no.
I love animals.
173
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,479
I'm the mushy one on the squad.
174
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:37,796
‐ Right, of course.
175
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,484
‐ Here it is.
Supply closet K.
176
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,819
It's full of CPR
training babies.
177
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,603
No one goes in there
because it's too creepy.
178
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,490
‐ Oh my God.
179
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,158
It's perfect.
180
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,160
‐ Well, I don't want
to take all the credit,
181
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,246
but I'm pretty sure
doing it The Jake Way worked
182
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,789
and we're getting pregnant.
183
00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,916
‐ That would be incredible, but
184
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,794
feels like you're setting us up
for disappointment.
185
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:02,004
‐ No, I'm just
being optimistic.
186
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,006
You're amazing, we're amazing,
187
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,424
and it definitely worked.
188
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:06,509
‐ It didn't work.
‐ Ugh!
189
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,927
I knew it.
I got bum nards!
190
00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:09,929
‐ Jake!
‐ Right, gotta stay optimistic.
191
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:11,329
We can do this!
192
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:16,917
‐ So how are you feeling?
193
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:18,855
‐ Well, I'm pretty bummed,
but‐‐
194
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,356
‐ Amy, could you
open your mouth for me?
195
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,774
‐ What? No.
‐ Forget it, I just saw.
196
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,359
She's got all her teeth...
197
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,027
‐
‐ Even the back ones.
198
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,863
‐ Did that
turn your mood around?
199
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,531
‐ Nope.
But it's okay.
200
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:29,949
I figured out how
we're gonna get pregnant.
201
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,701
‐ By doubling down
on The Jake Way?
202
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:32,869
Ooh, do you think we could rent
the phone booth
203
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,662
from the movie "Phone Booth"?
204
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:37,039
‐ No, from now on,
we're gonna do it The Amy Way.
205
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,708
‐ Does that mean
we're going back to
206
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:39,834
the overly scheduled sex thing?
‐ No.
207
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,377
We're going way more scheduled.
208
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,378
‐ Ah, so even less fun.
209
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,671
‐ Big time.
210
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,006
This is a test,
and we're failing.
211
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,716
Because we're not
studying hard enough.
212
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,885
‐ Or maybe this is just
213
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,803
one of those tests
you can't study for?
214
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:53,431
‐
215
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:54,765
‐ Oh, wow, that's a new laugh.
216
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,601
‐ Come on.
We're going binder shopping.
217
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:58,394
‐
218
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,562
‐ I'm off
to walk my beat again,
219
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:00,896
much like Sisyphus,
220
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,732
condemned to
push the same boulder
221
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,859
up the same hill
day in and day out.
222
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:07,236
‐ You know, according to French
Philosopher Albert Camus,
223
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,823
Sisyphus achieved happiness
in that absurd repetition.
224
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:14,076
‐ Any French philosophy
post‐Rousseau is essentially
225
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,911
a magazine.
226
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:17,413
You rube.
227
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,831
‐ Oh, hey, Boyle!
228
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,709
Do you have
the 6th Street case file‐‐.
229
00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,085
Wait.
What's that?
230
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,838
‐ Uh, this?
It's... my water bottle.
231
00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,549
‐ It looks like a water bottle
from a guinea pig cage.
232
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,384
‐ True, I got it for the guinea
pigs,
233
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:31,886
but they're not here anymore.
234
00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:34,388
So I decided to be green
and use it for myself.
235
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,602
Ah!
Thirst quenched.
236
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,770
‐ What took you so long?
237
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,396
‐
Terry almost caught me.
238
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,606
I had to drink from
the guinea pigs' water bottle.
239
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:44,940
Amazingly, he‐‐
240
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:46,442
‐ Totally bought you'd do that?
‐ Mm‐hmm.
241
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,443
‐ Yeah, I'm not surprised
at all.
242
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,778
Good news.
243
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:49,779
My niece will
take the two Claires.
244
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,197
She wants them as pets.
245
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,615
‐ That is great!
Okay.
246
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:53,949
Now we just need
to find a home for ten more.
247
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,618
‐ Ten?
248
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,119
‐ Boy Claire got girl Claire
pregnant
249
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,788
and made a bunch
of little baby Claires.
250
00:07:58,812 --> 00:07:59,955
‐ Oh, they're
having sex again.
251
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,457
Mm‐hmm.
Both: Oh, Claire.
252
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,792
‐ Claire.
‐ Claire.
253
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,960
‐ I gotta say,
I'm loving these.
254
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,796
I always wanted to wear
Hammer pants.
255
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:07,963
‐ Stop.
‐ Hammer time?
256
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,548
‐ No.
Stop joking around.
257
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,133
You're wearing those pants
258
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,551
to keep your testicles away
from your body's warm core
259
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,136
so your sperm don't overheat.
260
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,222
‐ Well, I am loving the breeze.
I feel like I'm 83.
261
00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:17,348
‐ All right, focus up.
262
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,183
This is our pregnancy war room.
263
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,518
On the master calendar,
264
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:21,644
we will track
ovulation windows,
265
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,145
menstruation cycles,
266
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,147
and every uterine deposit.
‐ "Uterine deposit"?
267
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,108
Is that what we're calling sex?
It seems a little clinical.
268
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,276
‐ Well, you could always
shorten it to U. D.
269
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,653
Or "ud."
270
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,113
‐ Yeah, I don't
want to do that.
271
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,656
‐ Here's a list of
everything you cannot eat
272
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,157
while we are trying
to conceive.
273
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,409
‐ No more nachos?
274
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,077
Even if they're in
a novelty baseball helmet?
275
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:38,829
‐ No.
276
00:08:38,853 --> 00:08:40,830
‐ Whoa, this is serious.
277
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,665
‐ We will adhere to
a strict exercise regimen
278
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:43,666
and sleep schedule.
279
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,334
Also, no more video games,
280
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,003
because they cause stress
and they raise your heart rate.
281
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,671
‐ More stress
than being a police officer?
282
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,464
‐ Jake, I've seen you play
"Mario Party."
283
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,008
‐ Wario cheats!
284
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,509
I'm just saying, Wario cheats.
285
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,844
It's a stupid game.
286
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,679
‐ Look, I know it isn't easy,
287
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,305
but this could increase our
chances
288
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,558
of getting pregnant
by 19% a month.
289
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:01,559
‐ Yeah, of course.
Absolutely.
290
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:02,893
So how do we get it started:
291
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,353
Dim the lights,
put on some music?
292
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,855
‐ Swallow 35 vitamins each.
293
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,649
‐ Oh.
Cheers.
294
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:09,692
‐ Oh.
295
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,445
Let's make a baby!
296
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,033
I probably should have had some
water ready.
297
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,870
‐ Okay, basal
body temp is optimal.
298
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,621
Let's do this quickly.
299
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:25,791
‐ Oh, Amy, I'm not some faucet
you can just turn on and off.
300
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,043
You gotta romance me.
301
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,627
Faucet's on!
Let's ud!
302
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,504
‐ Thank You.
‐ Spasibo.
303
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:31,964
‐ Okay.
‐ Do svidaniya.
304
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,549
‐ Okay.
305
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,470
‐ Sorry!
306
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:39,055
‐ I thought you separated
the males and the females.
307
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,265
‐ Well, it's hard.
They're all named Claire.
308
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:42,433
‐ You named them Claire!
309
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,398
‐ Oh, come on.
310
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,567
It's like every woman in this
city has all of her teeth.
311
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,861
Stupid Bloomberg
and his stupid soda ban!
312
00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:56,489
‐ Okay, 6:14, it's ud o'clock!
313
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,573
‐ Okay.
314
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:00,034
‐ Here we go.
‐ Mm‐hmm.
315
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:02,203
‐ So this bag of pellets
is your lunch?
316
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,987
‐ Yup, it's the perfect
food for a human man.
317
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,373
You want some?
‐ No!
318
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,256
‐ Spasibo.
319
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,092
Do svidaniya.
‐ Do svidaniya.
320
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,762
‐ Sorry!
321
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,641
‐ Where were you?
You're 19 minutes late.
322
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,142
My temperature is shot to hell!
323
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,560
‐ I know.
I'm Sorry.
324
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,104
I got detained
by the transit cops because
325
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,939
my baggy pants
fell off on the subway.
326
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,565
‐ Let's just ud
and get it over with.
327
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:32,942
‐ Oh, my God.
328
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,443
There's so many of them.
329
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,444
‐ Sit.
330
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,846
Yeah, good boy.
331
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,203
‐ You awake?
‐ Nope.
332
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,372
You?
‐ No. Let's do this.
333
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,456
‐ Okay.
334
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,125
Shirts on?
‐ Definitely.
335
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,709
‐ Spasibo.
‐ Pozhaluysta.
336
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,921
Mnogo kliyentov segodnya?
337
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,131
‐ Make it a double.
338
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,465
My heart has a hole in it.
339
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,259
I might as well
fill it with booze.
340
00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:59,219
‐ Same for me.
341
00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:01,637
Except my hole's in my mouth.
342
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,888
‐ It's you!
343
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:05,182
My toothless Cinderella!
344
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:09,645
‐ Well, that was definitely
technically sex.
345
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,480
‐ Yep.
346
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,898
Maybe that was the one.
347
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,483
‐ Not the one.
348
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,776
‐
349
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,319
‐ I'm so exhausted.
‐ Me too.
350
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:18,654
But the doctor said
that it could take a while.
351
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,322
‐ I know.
It's just...
352
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,575
we're doing everything right,
and it's still not working.
353
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:25,411
What kind of perfect person do
you have to be to get pregnant?
354
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,830
‐ We're having a baby!
355
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,814
‐ Oh, rot in hell!
356
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:35,562
‐ Congratulations, Hitchcock,
357
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,631
it's the first wedding
I've ever been to
358
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:38,924
with a cover charge.
‐ It's for our honeymoon.
359
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,259
We're going to Barbados,
360
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:41,677
and we'll have the island
all to ourselves,
361
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,512
because it's Dengue Fever
season.
362
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,513
‐ But your wife is pregnant.
363
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,140
‐ You can't live in fear.
364
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,725
Don't want to spend every
moment worried about Dengue
365
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,894
or black mold
or those weird spots
366
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:51,353
on the MRI
they found on your brain.
367
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,022
‐ Hitchcock,
is your brain okay?
368
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,191
‐ The point is: I don't care.
369
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,525
Also, Anna's family
is from the Old Country
370
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:57,860
and kind of conservative,
371
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,528
so try not to mention
the baby to them.
372
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,155
‐ Perfect; I'll just do
what I always do at weddings:
373
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:02,865
Not talk to anyone
I don't know already.
374
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,200
‐ You're the best, Jake.
375
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,492
That's why you're
the baby's godfather.
376
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:06,535
‐ Wait.
I am?
377
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,037
‐ Ugh.
378
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,372
I can't believe
they're pregnant and we're not.
379
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,665
How did they do it?
380
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,000
‐ They got drunk and had sex
381
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:14,210
in a public park
next to a skunk.
382
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,544
Hitchcock sent me
a very long text
383
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:16,795
with a lot of details in it.
384
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,214
I think
it was meant for Scully.
385
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,049
‐ Ugh, the world is officially
upside down.
386
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,134
‐ Wait a minute.
Maybe that's it.
387
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,719
We tried getting pregnant
The Jake Way;
388
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,887
We tried The Amy Way.
389
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,555
Maybe it's time we tried it...
390
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,890
The Hitchcock Way.
391
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,516
‐ What's The Hitchcock Way?
392
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,227
‐ In every situation,
make the worst possible choice.
393
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,562
‐ Okay.
What the hell?
394
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,730
Nothing else is working.
395
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,190
Let's try it The Hitchcock Way.
396
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,525
‐ All right, so first move:
Get hammered.
397
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:40,402
Drink up.
398
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,571
‐ Uh, these are someone else's.
There's lipstick on mine.
399
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,406
‐ Yeah,
there's a cigarette in mine.
400
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,866
But we're doing things The
Hitchcock Way, so bottoms up!
401
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,910
‐ All right.
402
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,745
‐ For those of you
that don't know me,
403
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,914
my name is Norm Scully.
404
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,207
Hitchcock is my partner,
405
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,750
and he's also my best friend.
406
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,919
He buys the bear claws I like
when we're on a stakeout
407
00:12:56,943 --> 00:13:00,422
or when we're just
in the office or at home.
408
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:01,423
I love him.
409
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,508
Anna Rubov,
410
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,385
do you promise
to love and cherish
411
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,428
Michael Hitchcock as
much as I've loved him?
412
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,596
‐ I do.
413
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,722
‐ And, Michael Hitchcock,
414
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:10,307
do you agree to shower Anna
415
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,309
with the same love and kindness
you've shown me
416
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,603
these 30 wonderful years
together?
417
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,355
‐ I do.
‐ Dang.
418
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,690
Terry didn't know
this was gonna be so sweet.
419
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,257
‐ You may now kiss the bride.
420
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,533
‐ Hey, Rosa, good news.
421
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:28,909
I just talked to someone
422
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,452
who said he'd take
all the guinea pigs.
423
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,121
‐ All 600?
Why would he do that?
424
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,747
‐ I didn't ask.
I just said yes.
425
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,457
Our prayers have been answered!
‐ Who is this guy?
426
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,251
We gotta check him out,
make sure he's not weird.
427
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,628
‐ He's just a normal guy
who's a friend of Hitchcock's‐‐
428
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,130
yep, we gotta check him out.
429
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,970
‐ Yeah, he's gonna
turn them into toupees.
430
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,138
‐ Oh, my god, he is.
431
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,639
‐ The Hitchcock Way is exactly
432
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,307
what we needed, you know?
433
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,351
These last six months have
actually been pretty hard.
434
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:55,477
‐ Mm, no!
435
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:56,937
Hitchcock doesn't
dwell on the past.
436
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,314
Hitchcock
forgets about the past
437
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,442
because
of the spots on his brain!
438
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:02,318
‐ Yes.
439
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,342
To brain spots!
440
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:08,073
Both: Oh!
Cinnamon schnapps!
441
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,492
‐ Barkeep, another round
of drink roulette.
442
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,911
‐ Lieutenant, I never see you
at Shaw's on a Sunday.
443
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:15,998
Those nights are reserved for
spending time with your family.
444
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,082
I guess you do make...
445
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,292
exceptions.
446
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:19,501
‐ What?
447
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,003
‐ The conversation
we had six months ago?
448
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,004
The one where you
said you wouldn't make
449
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,005
an exception for me.
450
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,298
‐ That was so long ago.
451
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:25,674
A lot has happened
since then.
452
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,968
‐ Well, to me it seems like
mere minutes ago,
453
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:31,346
because I've been living the
same day over and over again.
454
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,849
‐ Gentlemen, would either
of you mind giving some toasts?
455
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,018
People are starting to notice
we didn't serve any food.
456
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,770
‐ I have something
I'd like to say.
457
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,188
‐ Marriage is amazing.
458
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:42,024
To get to spend every day
with the same person,
459
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:45,027
day after day,
month after month on repeat.
460
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,279
The comfort of knowing that
tomorrow
461
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:49,865
will be just like
today is truly
462
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,492
a rewarding assignment.
463
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:52,826
To Hitchcock!
464
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:54,036
‐ Hear hear.
465
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,662
‐ I'd also like
to make a speech.
466
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:59,374
Most marriages end in divorce,
and there's a reason.
467
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,877
It's boring to be stuck
in the same routine forever.
468
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,629
There's no value to be found
469
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:06,173
in walking the same beat
over and over,
470
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,050
especially when you've been
a captain for six years.
471
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:10,636
The point is: Marriage is
472
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:13,889
a waste of my talents,
Lieutenant.
473
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,100
To Hitchcock!
‐ These are great.
474
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,184
‐ Really?
475
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:18,727
‐ I also have a toast to make.
476
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,396
Hitchcock, I always thought
I was better than you,
477
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:24,525
because I haven't been divorced
seven times
478
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:27,069
and I've never been
banned from a museum
479
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,153
for kissing the statues.
480
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,863
But today I realize
481
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:33,408
that maybe my life would be
better if I was more like you.
482
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:37,246
Anyway, I gotta go
make a baby of my own
483
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,581
just like the baby
inside of Anna.
484
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,334
‐ Nailed it.
485
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,753
‐ Why is she
saying these things, Anna?
486
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,421
‐ Okay, bud.
487
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:49,424
Are you ready to have some
stupid Hitchcock‐style sex?
488
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:50,926
‐ Oh, yeah,
where are we going?
489
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,344
‐ Nowhere.
490
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,555
We're going right here
in Shaw's bathroom.
491
00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:56,140
‐ Oh, that's such a bad idea.
492
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,141
I love it.
493
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:59,643
All right.
494
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,061
‐ Occupied!
495
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,437
‐ Someone's in there.
Should we wait?
496
00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:03,772
‐ Would Hitchcock wait?
497
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,942
‐ Hell no.
Hitchcock would find an alley!
498
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,694
‐ Well, this is perfect.
499
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:11,196
There's probably so many skunks
skunking around here.
500
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,365
‐ Oh, yeah.
We're gonna make a skunk baby.
501
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:14,200
‐ Yeah.
502
00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:15,701
‐ Hello.
‐ Huh?
503
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:18,036
‐ Don't worry about me.
I don't want to join.
504
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,104
I'm happy just to watch.
505
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,292
‐
506
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,711
‐ Crap; They're really
pissed that Anna's pregnant.
507
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:27,588
‐ No, it's more
complicated than that.
508
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:30,048
Anna just called her
entire family hypocrites.
509
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:31,133
‐ Wait, you speak Russian?
510
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,926
‐ Huh.
I guess I do.
511
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,595
I must have picked it up
from speaking to that woman
512
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,138
at the coffee cart
for the past six months.
513
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,682
‐
514
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:39,766
‐ Now what's happening?
515
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,185
‐ Anna's mother says Anna
516
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:43,437
should be
with someone respectable,
517
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:46,440
like her sister's husband,
Boris, instead of the...
518
00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:47,816
Pig man.
‐ Well, that's too bad,
519
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,943
'cause she already married
the pig man.
520
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,114
What's she saying?
521
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,783
‐ She says that Boris
is not a good man.
522
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,327
He's cheating on her sister.
523
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:01,330
She knows because he's
the real father of her baby.
524
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,147
‐ Oh.
‐ What?
525
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,274
Oh, no!
526
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,796
‐ Someone's here.
This is too public!
527
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,257
‐ I mean, it wouldn't
stop Hitchcock, but fine.
528
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,658
I know a secret spot.
529
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:20,807
‐ What was that?
530
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,351
What am I feeling right now?
‐ Huh?
531
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,019
‐ Are those all your
little hands?
532
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,220
‐ And this is the last one.
533
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,036
We've rounded up
all the guinea pigs.
534
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,955
‐ Not even close.
535
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:44,540
Guinea pig.
Guinea pig.
536
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,542
Guinea pig.
Guinea pig.
537
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,127
What were you thinking,
breeding guinea pigs at work?
538
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,712
‐ We weren't
breeding them on purpose.
539
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,214
They're just
very sexual creatures,
540
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,549
and we didn't want to
slut‐shame them.
541
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:54,716
‐ Yeah.
542
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,176
Sorry you're not
more sex‐positive, Terry.
543
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,386
‐ I called my friend
at the lab.
544
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,887
He's gonna take
the guinea pigs.
545
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,556
They're not gonna do
any chemical tests on them.
546
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,932
They're just gonna teach them
how to run mazes.
547
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:03,392
‐ Really?
548
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,269
I want you to look
Claire 38 in the eye,
549
00:18:04,293 --> 00:18:05,686
and tell her that‐‐
550
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,146
‐ I'm sending
you to a lab, Claire; Bye.
551
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:09,731
‐ You can't do this!
552
00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,233
‐ This is so unfair, Terry!
‐ You're a cruel man!
553
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,693
‐ Thank God
he found a way to end it.
554
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,695
‐ Oh, it's over.
The nightmare's over.
555
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,071
‐ There you are.
556
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,656
You didn't wake me up
when you left this morning.
557
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,907
‐ I tried.
558
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,075
You said, "I'm dead."
559
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,493
Leave me.
Find someone new."
560
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,911
‐ Yeah, pretty hungover.
561
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:23,912
Look, last night wasn't great,
562
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,414
but I think I know why.
563
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,915
We were trying
to do it like Hitchcock
564
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,750
when we should have been
trying to do it like Boris,
565
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,086
the man who actually
impregnated Hitchcock's wife.
566
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,588
So I found him
on Facebook and‐‐
567
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,672
‐ Jake, stop.
568
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:35,090
Why is it so easy
569
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,426
for everyone else
to get pregnant?
570
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,427
I mean, look at
these stupid guinea pigs.
571
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,262
They made 600 babies,
572
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,430
and we can't make one?
573
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,223
Why can't we make 600 babies?
574
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:45,434
‐ You can't compare yourself
to guinea pigs, babe.
575
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,810
You taught me that.
576
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,270
‐ I'm exhausted.
577
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,771
And the universe
keeps telling us
578
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,440
that it doesn't want us
to have a baby.
579
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,941
The message
couldn't be clearer.
580
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,359
So I'm done.
581
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,612
‐ Like, done for this month?
582
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,263
‐ Done.
Just done.
583
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,454
‐ Thank you for seeing me.
584
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,081
I just wanted to let you know
I was wrong.
585
00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:09,958
Until last night,
I didn't realize
586
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,960
how much Russian I'd learned.
587
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,462
‐ Yeah, it was impressive.
588
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,130
And your accent was great, too.
‐ Thank you,
589
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,632
but I actually speak
with the accent of a peasant.
590
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,800
Anyway, I walked my beat
this morning,
591
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,761
and I spoke to several people
in Russian.
592
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:23,472
They were so impressed,
they opened up to me.
593
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,516
I got a number of useful tips.
‐ All right.
594
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,727
All because I made you
do something tedious.
595
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:30,646
‐ Monotonous.
Don't ruin this.
596
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,273
‐ Thanks for coming out
to Hitchcock's divorce party.
597
00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:34,983
‐ You know you got
another gay cake, right?
598
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,318
‐ What?
No way.
599
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,986
‐ It says "Boys! Boys! Boys!"
on it.
600
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,946
‐ Because we're the boys.
601
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:42,449
‐ Guys, I figured out what
went wrong between Anna and me.
602
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,826
My job.
I'm a workaholic!
603
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,119
Not anymore.
604
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:48,664
From now on, I'm focusing
on what really matters.
605
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,832
Come on, Scully,
let's get some wings.
606
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:53,835
‐ Aw, bud,
I thought you'd never ask.
607
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,420
‐ Hey, want some cake?
608
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:56,505
I got a piece with a heart
on it,
609
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,173
which I now realize is a butt.
610
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,009
‐ I'm good.
Thanks.
611
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,594
‐ So listen.
612
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,596
I've been thinking about
what you said this morning...
613
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:07,641
And it has been a really hard
couple of months.
614
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:10,018
‐ I'm sorry
I'm bad at making babies.
615
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,269
‐ Hey, hey, don't say that.
616
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,688
It's not your fault.
617
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,439
And look, for all we know,
I could have‐‐
618
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,674
‐ Don't say you have bum nards.
619
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,152
‐ I wasn't‐‐I wasn't gonna.
620
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:24,700
I think maybe it's just
a thing we can't control.
621
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,868
‐ That is my least
favorite kind of thing.
622
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,286
‐ I know.
623
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,563
‐ I really wanted
to start a family.
624
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:35,043
‐ Amy, we are a family.
625
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,545
You and me.
626
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,213
So, you know,
we can keep trying
627
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,716
or look into IVF or adoption
628
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,468
or if we want, we can
forget about the whole thing.
629
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:46,722
But if we're together,
I'm happy no matter what.
630
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,266
‐ I don't know
what I want to do.
631
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,767
‐ Fine.
That's okay too.
632
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,227
We don't have to have a plan.
633
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,895
We make the rules.
634
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:55,731
Maybe it would help
to just not think
635
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,315
about the whole thing
for a while
636
00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,900
and see where we're at.
637
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:02,028
‐ Yeah, okay.
638
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:03,238
I love you.
639
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,722
‐ I love you.
640
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:16,585
‐ Should we go?
641
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,110
‐ Yes.
‐ Okay.
642
00:21:19,862 --> 00:21:21,339
‐ Nope.
643
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:22,948
‐
47166
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