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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,556 Doctor In Clover 2 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:38,874 Breathe. 3 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,393 Now out. 4 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,596 Seven o'clock. 5 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,196 I feel awful. 6 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,191 Now the time's come, I don't want to go. 7 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:27,909 You'll feel better after some breakfast. You can have anything you want. 8 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,956 Thanks. 9 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,429 I don't feel... very hungry really. 10 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,116 Strange, isn't it? 11 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,156 How you get attached to a place. 12 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,111 I've been here now, what..? 13 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:43,156 - Six months. - Six months! 14 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,196 Now it's all over. 15 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,198 All because of a bird. 16 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,317 Yes. But she was the Governor's daughter. 17 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:58,040 It's funny, last doctor got the sack for the same reason. 18 00:02:58,120 --> 00:02:59,951 No! 19 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,996 And I didn't even know about it. 20 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,990 I hope someone told my landlady I was staying the night here. 21 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,390 What did your screws put in that drink last night? 22 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,756 Oh, that was a little concoction we discovered in Block C. 23 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,796 Prunes and methylated, I believe. 24 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,678 Well, the prunes should do a bit of good, I suppose. 25 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,478 Going to say goodbye to your patients? 26 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:24,109 Yeah, if I can walk that far without my head falling off. 27 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,476 Have to stop for a bit on the way, though. Ooh, those prunes! 28 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:33,719 How are you feeling, Fleming? 29 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,360 I'm feeling very poorly today, very poorly indeed. 30 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,237 Temperature normal, pulse normal. 31 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:39,958 Yeah, well, it's internal pain. 32 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:44,158 Somewhere round the abdomen I'm getting these sharp, purple, searing pains 33 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,992 followed by violent, green pains. 34 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:47,559 Perhaps it's the appendix. 35 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,471 It'd be very surprising if it was. 36 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,312 You had it out three years ago. 37 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,630 Yeah, well, maybe they growed. 38 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,551 See, the pain, sir, is something awful. 39 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,552 I have to cry myself to sleep every night when I'm in bed, sir. 40 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,108 So could I just stay for one more week? 41 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,519 Just one more, eh, sir? 42 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,034 - Only one? - Yes, sir. Go on, sir. 43 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,315 You can stay here till the new doctor arrives. 44 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,197 Oh, thank you, sir. 45 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,556 Sir, just for that... you can have your watch back, sir. 46 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:16,996 Oh, thank you very much. 47 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,479 You're welcome. 48 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,198 Very kind. Thank you very much. 49 00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:22,077 - Good luck, sir. - Thank you so much. 50 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:25,391 - Ah, how are you, Ashby? - Is it true you're leaving today? 51 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,357 - Yes. - Do us a favor, then. 52 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,476 - What's that? - Smuggle this out for us. 53 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,711 It's a dying man's letter for his invalid mother. 54 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,870 I didn't know your mother was a bookie. 55 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,192 Thanks, Doctor. 56 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:39,236 Hope it wins. 57 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,356 Ah, cheer up, Grafton. Only another six years to go. 58 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,670 Take a message to my Elsie, doc, would you? 59 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,354 If I do it for you, I've got to do it for everyone, haven't I? 60 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:51,078 Pity. 61 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:53,951 Is that Elsie? 62 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,155 Yes, sir. 63 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:56,639 Ooh, my dear! 64 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,188 Oh, I think I can help you here all right. 65 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:00,793 What's the message? 66 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:09,315 - Well, I think I'll put it another way. - Oh, she'll like that, sir. 67 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,636 Cheers. 68 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:39,749 Grimsdyke. 69 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,592 - Sir Lancelot! - I thought so. 70 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:45,116 I never forget a face, although I deeply regret the fact on many occasions. 71 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,191 - Get in. - Yes, but you see, sir, I-I... 72 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:51,193 Doubtless you'd prefer to fiddle with the gear lever of the car that's just passed, 73 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:53,396 but that privilege has been denied you. Get in. 74 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,038 Yes, sir. 75 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,396 Were you in private practice before you went to... that place? 76 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:09,517 No, sir, I was at Pentonville for two years. 77 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,592 Hardly a matter for boasting. You've been struck off, of course? 78 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,636 Well, certainly not, sir. 79 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:17,757 I say, you don't think I was inside as a convict, do you? 80 00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:20,400 I admit the thought had flashed across my mind. 81 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,313 No, sir, I was one of the prison doctors. 82 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,039 I do not train my students to coddle malingering convicts 83 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,473 but to go out into the world 84 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,313 and use the most modern medical methods science can devise. 85 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:31,594 Quite so, sir. 86 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,797 I'm going to teach you to be a doctor again, Grimsdyke, 87 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:38,111 so that once again you may go forth and save life. 88 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:45,315 If I catch you jaywalking again, I'll flatten you into the tarmac! 89 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:56,759 - And come and see me again in a fortnight. - Thank you very much, Doctor. 90 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,073 Emergency, Doctor. 91 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,755 Ow! Careful! 92 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:09,432 How do you feel, doll? 93 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:13,308 - Where's the doctor? - You'll bourr�e out of here in no time, dolly. 94 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:18,155 Sorry to bother you, Doctor. She fell on her entrechat. 95 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:21,357 She fell on her... Oh... Oh, the ballet. 96 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,316 She crumpled. 97 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,516 Crumpled like a cold souffl�. 98 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,192 Yeah. 99 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,236 Came down like a sack of bloody potatoes. 100 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,835 What do you mean? My elevation's as good as Margot's any day. 101 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,592 Ah, what are you? 102 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,671 Now, now, don't excite yourself, Tatty. 103 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,354 And don't call me Tatty! My name's Tatiana! 104 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,396 Sorry I'm sure. 105 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:48,395 Good heavens, Sidney. How many more times have I got to tell you? 106 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,391 Are you the manager? 107 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,311 I'm the choreographer, actually. 108 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,472 Now, this is Digger. Her partner. 109 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:57,118 Hi, doc. 110 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,553 Er... 111 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:03,111 Um... I would like to examine the lady, so if you wouldn't mind waiting outside? 112 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,033 Yes, of course. Tell me, is there a pub handy? 113 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:07,917 Yes. Opposite the gates. 114 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:12,471 - Good. Come on, lads. I could do with a... pint. - Me too. 115 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:16,473 - We can't just leave her, dollies. - Don't worry about me, darling, I'll be all right. 116 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,998 Right, now, Miss er... Oh, it is miss, yes? 117 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,071 Well, Doctor, I'm... 118 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,958 I'm not exactly a dame yet. 119 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,830 Well, I'm afraid I don't go to the ballet much. 120 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:35,638 Oh, don't you? 121 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,075 Well, we must remedy that, mustn't we? 122 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,549 Which er... Which leg is it? 123 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,154 Whichever you say. 124 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,117 Oh... 125 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,997 Um... 126 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,428 Does this hurt? 127 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:54,435 Um... Well, it's a bit difficult for me to say, really, 128 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,478 when I'm... wearing these tights. 129 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:06,390 Well, Doctor, I... I think you've hit it. 130 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,472 Er... Nurse, we'll have to have this X-rayed. 131 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:13,470 You... You don't... 132 00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:16,233 I mean... will... I will be able to go on tonight, won't I? 133 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,117 No, I'm sorry. 134 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,395 W- What am I going to do? 135 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,357 My public! 136 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:24,789 Oh! 137 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:29,196 Oh, now, please, don't... don't upset yourself, Miss er... 138 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,635 Rubikov. 139 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,312 You can call me Ruby, if you like. 140 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,112 It's my name, actually. 141 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,918 Oh, give us a hankie, will you? 142 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:48,919 Thanks darlin'. 143 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,276 Mm. 144 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,753 What a gorgeous smell. What is it? 145 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,195 Well, it's ether, I expect. 146 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,236 Ether? 147 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,592 You kinky thing. 148 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,554 X- ray. 149 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,677 Well, we'll have to find a bed for Miss Rubikov. 150 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:13,988 A private room, of course. 151 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,516 - I'm afraid all the rooms are occupied. - The public ward? 152 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,637 Ah, never mind. It'll probably be full of your public. 153 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,393 Ohh! Oh, I never thought of that. 154 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,793 Well, Nurse Holliday, what can I do for you? 155 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,355 Kiss me, you kinky thing. 156 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,758 Very well. 157 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,990 If you think it'll help your complaint. 158 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,034 Come on. 159 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,073 Come on, now, hurry up. 160 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,951 It's my idiot cousin, Gaston Grimsdyke! 161 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,395 You don't think he's coming to work here, do you? 162 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,516 There's a quick way to find out. Go and ask him. 163 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,793 I wouldn't say I was going to work here exactly. 164 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:12,317 Oh, no. Just polishing up the old medical science before I go into private practice. 165 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:13,628 Whose idea was that? 166 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:17,349 Sir Lancelot, actually. To be perfectly frank, he insisted that I came. 167 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:20,193 And as I was a bit short of the old ready, well, what can you do? 168 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:24,353 You've got to do something, haven't you? Anyway, I like working with nurses. 169 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,398 Besides, my medical knowledge isn't exactly up to date. 170 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,233 You mean you're too frightened of Sir Lancelot to say no. 171 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:32,878 Suppose I get you a better job? 172 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,428 Say... ship's doctor on a Mediterranean cruise? 173 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,909 That's very nice of you. I accept. When do we start? 174 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,956 I was only suggesting that as an example. 175 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,679 I've got a feeling you don't want me here. 176 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,718 Well, yes, your feeling's dead right. I don't. 177 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,997 Look, I'm in line for a marvelous job and I don't want you messing it up. 178 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:52,197 Anybody would think I was a jonah, or cast hoodoos or something. 179 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,396 Watch it! 180 00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:59,996 Here. Here. Let me have it. 181 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,712 Get it out the window! 182 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,355 Oh, watch it! 183 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:32,553 Terribly sorry, sir! 184 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,710 Look out! The Dean! 185 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,358 What is happening? 186 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,434 The Dean! Turn it off! 187 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,278 - The Dean! The Dean! - I don't care about the... Who? Ahh! 188 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,196 This is your bed. 189 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:29,795 Have you got anything softer? This is going to be a bit hard on my war wounds. 190 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,518 All the beds are exactly the same. 191 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:35,639 - Undress and put on this nightshirt, please. - I don't wear nightshirts, I wear pajamas. 192 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:38,712 You wear the nightshirt to facilitate the doctor's examination. 193 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,552 - Now, put it on. - Is it clean? 194 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:46,234 - Of course it's clean! - Keep your hair on, I only asked. 195 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:50,154 For all I know, the fella that wore this before me might have had a touch of impetigo. 196 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,595 - Well, he didn't. - Well, what did he have? 197 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,398 I don't know. 198 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,072 You don't know? 199 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,993 Oh, that's nice, innit? That's marvelous, innit? 200 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,319 Oi! 201 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:06,076 I've just been asked to wear a nightshirt that was last worn by a fella with an unknown disease. 202 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,197 What's going to happen if I get it, then? That's what I want to know. 203 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,590 And if the disease was unknown, how are you going to know if I've got it? 204 00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,114 I'm not wearing those. I'm wearing pajamas. 205 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:23,550 I'll have the screen round me. I don't want everybody to see what I've got. 206 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,790 Don't bother, Nurse. 207 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,315 Tell the doctor I'll be ready in about ten minutes. 208 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:34,188 You'll be lucky. He won't be in here until he's finished in the women's wards. 209 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,510 Oh, it's women and children first, is it? 210 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,034 Well, all I hope is he knows I'm an emergency. 211 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:43,477 And if I should fall into a coma before he arrives, my blood group is AB rhesus negative. 212 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,996 Well, now, a good doctor must learn to move fast and silently. 213 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,836 Excuse me! Excuse me! 214 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,756 - Morning, Sister. - Morning, Sir Lancelot. 215 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:58,072 Morning, Nurse. This is Dr. Gaston Grimsdyke. He's just joined us. 216 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,310 - Good morning, Doctor. - Morning, Sister. 217 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,879 Good morning, Doctor. 218 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,757 Hello! 219 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,189 Hello. 220 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:12,713 Could we, by a superhuman effort of will, concentrate on the patients, Doctor? 221 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,028 Of course, Sir Lancelot. 222 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,235 Morning. 223 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,629 - Morning. - Morning. 224 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:29,355 You, Symington, be so kind as to examine this lady's abdomen. 225 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:34,316 The symptoms are acute pain in the lower abdomen and back... 226 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:38,916 and treatment so far is liquid diet and pethidine four-hourly. 227 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,558 What is your diagnosis? 228 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:45,039 Oh! Couldn't you warm your hand first? 229 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,678 Oh. Sorry. 230 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,669 Spleen, sir? 231 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,159 Diseased spleen? 232 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:57,279 Have you sat at my feet for a full year without knowing where the spleen is situated? 233 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,555 Like casting pearls before swine, Sister. 234 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,278 I don't know how I survive. 235 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,749 Perhaps you'd honor us with another wild guess. 236 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:06,913 - Wind, sir. - 'S'not! 237 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,757 You know, flatulence. 238 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:13,879 It might be. It might well be. But if it were, we would hardly allow this lady, 239 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,111 charming though she undoubtedly is, to occupy a valuable bed! 240 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,839 We'd have a whip-round and buy her some bicarbonate of soda 241 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,512 and send her on her way rejoicing. 242 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,068 Really, what's wrong with the patient? 243 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,833 You, Grimsdyke. 244 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:27,989 - Me, sir? - Yes, you. 245 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,469 Er... Yes, of course. Right away, sir. 246 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,039 Right away. Now... 247 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:34,399 Yes, well, there we are. 248 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,277 Half past eleven. 249 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,796 Right, here we go, then. 250 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,916 I think we're onto something here, sir. 251 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,477 Now, let me see your tongue. 252 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:48,959 Oh. Thank you very much. 253 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,838 You'll be asking the patient to say "99" in a minute! 254 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,353 Say "99". 255 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:57,353 These are excellent aids to diagnosis but hardly relevant to this case! 256 00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,317 From what is the patient suffering? 257 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,595 I have absolutely no doubt at all, sir. 258 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:05,319 No doubt in my mind whatsoever that she is... 259 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,753 suffering, sir. 260 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,193 Oh, yes. 261 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,589 She is suffering... from er... 262 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,229 Stones, sir? 263 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,356 In the um... kidneys? 264 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,314 Quite right. And what treatment would you advise? 265 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,359 We obviously can't dissolve them, can we, sir? 266 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,398 So, if I were a skilled surgeon like you, sir, 267 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:29,799 I'd um... 268 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,393 ...yank 'em out. 269 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:39,756 I am not exactly enamored of the suggestion that I ever yank anything anywhere. 270 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,957 However, I do propose to remove them this afternoon. 271 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,909 Oh, don't be alarmed, madam. I've removed hundreds of stones in my time. 272 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,638 Enough to cobble a courtyard. 273 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,553 You'll feel no pain and, what is more, 274 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,677 you can take them home and have them mounted as cufflinks 275 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,716 for your ever-loving husband. 276 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:00,873 And the next, Sister. 277 00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:06,670 What is your opinion of this patient, Preston? 278 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,634 The patient appears to be sinking fast, sir. 279 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:22,636 We are all hanging on your every utterance, Preston. 280 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,039 What is wrong? 281 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:25,872 Postoperational shock, sir. 282 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:31,398 Hardly a very inspired suggestion in view of the fact the patient has not undergone surgery. 283 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:33,710 Would you oblige us once more, Dr. Grimsdyke? 284 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,552 Of course, sir. 285 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:37,555 Thank you. 286 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,596 - Morning. - Morning. 287 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,119 Yes, it's pretty obvious, sir. 288 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:46,034 The patient is fully recovered and can be discharged. Thank you, Sister. 289 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:48,554 My congratulations on your recovery, madam. 290 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,596 Thank you. 291 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,672 Ooh, it's lovely! What am I supposed to do with this? 292 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,676 Ooh. 293 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,558 Hello, darling. Come and join us, whoever you are. 294 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:10,313 What the devil's this? A wedding reception? 295 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,879 Fab beard. 296 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,234 Get rid of them. 297 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,276 Who gave you permission to visit? 298 00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:19,432 Nobody, doll face. When the queen calls, her subjects obey. 299 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:23,593 You have exactly 30 seconds to get out of here before I turn the fire hoses on you. 300 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,272 Pardon us for living. 301 00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,316 Bye, doll. Come on, Digs, let's go. 302 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,709 Excuse me. Oops! Cheeky! 303 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:37,593 Madam, it is strictly against the rules to entertain visitors outside specified hours. 304 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:39,398 Get rid of all this rubbish. 305 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,835 Oh, I'm terribly sorry, darling. 306 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:47,836 Well... love laughs at locksmiths, doesn't it? 307 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,071 Neither love, laughter nor locksmiths, unless they be seriously ill, 308 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,594 have any place within this hospital, madam. 309 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,194 You're a bit of a piglet, aren't you, darling? 310 00:19:56,280 --> 00:20:00,637 I am also senior surgeon here and would advise you to obey the rules. 311 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,955 To hear is to obey. 312 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,831 So divinely bossy. 313 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,357 What appears to be wrong with this patient, Sister? 314 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,237 It's the most essential part of me. 315 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,236 Well, one of them, anyway. 316 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,599 I say! 317 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:23,309 The patient has a painful swelling above the left patella. 318 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,834 Will you be so good as to diagnose, Beckwith? 319 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,959 Yes, sir. 320 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,793 There's no need to be nervous, Doctor. 321 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,916 I've been examined before, you know. 322 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,914 - A dislocated cartilage, sir? - And the remedy? 323 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,753 - Put it back into place, sir. - And how would you do that? 324 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,638 - Like this, sir. - Don't jump the gun Beckwith! 325 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:49,748 He jumped it. 326 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,432 Oh, I'm terribly sorry. 327 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,636 There's no need for an apology, madam. 328 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,439 He asked for it. A very salutary lesson, gentlemen. 329 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,717 Never crank the engine while the car is in gear. 330 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,439 And now one of you had better put his jaw back into place. 331 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:07,713 Will you examine now, Doctor? 332 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,756 Oh, of course, sir. 333 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,679 Here we go, eh, sir? 334 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,199 Er, excuse me, sir. 335 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,438 - Well, the cartilage is evidently torn, sir. - And the remedy? 336 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:30,839 And the remedy? 337 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,352 Operate, sir. 338 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,396 I agree. 339 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,592 No! No, I won't have an operation! 340 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,113 Now, madam, don't fret. 341 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,668 We'll soon have you going through the hoops again. 342 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,716 Going through the hoops?! 343 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,358 What kind of performer do you think I am, darling? 344 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,796 Admirable, I'm sure, in every way. 345 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,873 Your powers of diagnosis are almost uncanny, Doctor. 346 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,552 Oh, thank you very much, sir. 347 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,394 A bit too uncanny, in fact. I propose to send you to Research for a spell. 348 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,357 But I'm quite happy as I am, sir. 349 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:13,228 I'm sure you are. I, however, have the moral welfare of the nurses to consider. 350 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,311 And the physical welfare of the patients. 351 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:19,234 - So you'll go to Research and cool off for a bit. - That's very kind of you, sir. 352 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,509 - Hello, Tweetypie. Who's a silly old beggar? 353 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:27,832 You are. What is your opinion on keeping birds in the wards, Doctor? 354 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,035 I love birds, sir. 355 00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:30,758 Oh, you mean the parrot. 356 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:34,071 Yes, it's er... a bit unhygienic isn't it, sir? 357 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,357 Oh, very. But its advantages well outweigh the disadvantages. 358 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:41,592 Gives the patients something to think about other than themselves. 359 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,636 Burrr! 360 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,516 They're nice, aren't they, mate? Cost me 16 packets of detergent. 361 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,397 You can't tell 'em from the real thing, 362 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:02,597 - can you mate? - I can and I'm not your mate. 363 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:06,069 Oh, you're one of those. Not good enough for you, eh? 364 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:10,312 Well, I'll tell you something, mate. I'm a fully paid-up member of the National Health 365 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,038 and I'm entitled to all the benefits 366 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,588 plus a little respect from the upper classes. 367 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:23,674 - How are you getting on today? - Very slowly, Sir Lancelot, slowly. 368 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,718 I suppose there's no chance of getting into a private ward yet? 369 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,519 I very much doubt it. What is the situation, Sister? 370 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,752 - Quite out of the question, I'm afraid. - Very sorry, Mr. Tristram. Have to soldier on. 371 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:34,829 Ohh! 372 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,480 Ohh! 373 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:43,000 Mr. Wendover. What appears to be the matter? 374 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,991 That's up to you to find out, Doctor. 375 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,799 That's what I'm here for, so you can find that out. 376 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:51,156 - What appears to be the trouble? - He has shooting pains up his back. 377 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:54,789 And down my front. I know what it is, it's my war wound. Shrapnel on the move. 378 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,438 And how did that happen? 379 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:59,671 I was bending down in the trenches, before taking my men over the top, 380 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,678 when off goes a grenade and a lump of shrapnel hits me up the... 381 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,193 Rectum? 382 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:08,159 - Well, it didn't do 'em any good. - Has he been X-rayed? 383 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,356 I'll see those later. Let's see your stomach. 384 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:11,668 Not on your nelly. 385 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,194 In front of all these students? I'm not a peepshow. 386 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,032 I know my rights. I'm not a guinea pig. 387 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:19,510 You're the doctor that's dealing with my stomach. Everybody else, out! 388 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,837 Everybody will stay exactly where he is! 389 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,070 You're under observation Wendover. 390 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,789 We'll find out whether there's anything wrong or whether you're malingering. 391 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,271 Did you hear that? Malingering?! 392 00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:35,830 You'll be hearing from my solicitors in the morning, you will. 393 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,399 - Does that hurt? - Yeah. Ooh! 394 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,072 - And that? - Ooh! 395 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,908 Just a minute. I hope your hands are clean. 396 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,273 Don't be impertinent! 397 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:50,670 Learn to control your tongue, or I'll have you discharged for thwith. 398 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,479 Is that a threat? Are you threatening me? That's nice. 399 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:58,714 I'm on my deathbed and I'm being threatened. You wouldn't talk to me like that if I was royalty. 400 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,119 You are not royalty. 401 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,670 I know I'm not. I'm just a bit of cannon fodder what fought for King and country 402 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,069 and is now a guinea pig for the medical profession. 403 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,914 All right, if you want everybody to see my stomach. Here, Nurse, look at this. 404 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,833 And the rest of you can play noughts and crosses on it. Come on. 405 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,275 We have neither the time nor the inclination. 406 00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:19,638 Sister, give him a purge to make his bowels work and I'll see him in the morning. 407 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,712 In the morning? Might be too late. I might be dead then. 408 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,872 And I tell you one thing, if I am, I'll demand an inquest. 409 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,389 Nurse. I've been looking for you. 410 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,040 Thanks for helping me out with those questions. 411 00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:36,394 It was a great pleasure. 412 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:41,315 Look, um, this is my first day here and I haven't made any friends yet. 413 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,995 I was wondering if you'd like to... answer a few more questions? 414 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:46,638 Oh, yes. 415 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,359 - I'd love to answer a few more questions. - Over dinner? 416 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,909 I'm sorry, Doctor. 417 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,956 Oh. Why, have you got a date? 418 00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,912 - Who with? 419 00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:06,430 Fianc�?! Oh! Now... we're not going to let a little thing like that stand between us, are we? 420 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,279 Well... what a nice couple you make. 421 00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:18,794 I'll see you in Casualty tomorrow, Doctor. 422 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:20,393 I won't be in Casualty tomorrow. 423 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,074 You will be if you ask her out again. 424 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,031 And so, with those few inadequate words, 425 00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:30,591 raise your glasses and drink to the happy and peaceful retirement 426 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,353 - of our dear Matron, Miss Bobsover. Miss Bobsover. 427 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:37,315 And at the same time to welcome our new Matron, Miss Sweet. 428 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,836 - Miss Bobsover, Miss Sweet. Miss Sweet, Miss Bobsover. 429 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:48,869 Allow me to introduce myself. Lancelot Spratt. How do you do? 430 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:52,555 How do you do, Sir Lancelot? I know you very well by reputation, of course. 431 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:56,235 That's not always complimentary to me, but from you I shall accept it as one. 432 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,278 - May I get you a drink? - I don't drink, thank you. 433 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:03,592 Very right and proper. Look after the liver and the complexion looks after itself. 434 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,672 - What about a cigarette? - I don't smoke either. 435 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,035 Have we no vices, mentionable or unmentionable? 436 00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:11,475 I'm rather keen on chess. 437 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,154 A splendidly sedentary and non-soporific game. 438 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:18,518 I enjoy a canter across the board myself, metaphorically speaking, of course. 439 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:19,953 May I get you some more tea? 440 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:21,951 No, thank you. I really must go and change. 441 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,838 I think Matron would like me to take over as soon as possible. 442 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:30,199 Very good. I shall look forward to many enjoyable encounters during my rounds. 443 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,794 Miles. 444 00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:37,996 She seems a very agreeable sort of woman. 445 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,799 Courteous and respectful. 446 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:44,350 - I think she�ll be house-trained by Christmas. - I hope so, sir. 447 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,119 Ah, Grimsdyke. Been looking for you. 448 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,156 Well, here I am, Professor Halfbeck. 449 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:50,832 What can I do for you, sir? 450 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,229 It's the other way round. It's what I can do for you. 451 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:54,992 I'm leaving for Canada in the New Year 452 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:59,153 and I'd like you to know that though there are more than a dozen candidates after my job. 453 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,835 I'm recommending that it should be given to a certain Dr. Grimsdyke. 454 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,673 Well, that's... that's most generous of you, sir. 455 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:11,351 Er... by the way, you will make it clear that you're recommending Dr. Miles Grimsdyke, 456 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,829 - not Dr. Gaston Grimsdyke? - You have a brother? 457 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,480 Well, no, he's my cousin, actually. 458 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,630 - Of course I'll recommend the right one. 459 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,439 Shall I... put it down for you, sir? 460 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,988 Good idea. Save further confusion, won't it? 461 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,553 There. I think that... that ought to be perfectly clear. 462 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,074 Ah, yes. Dr. Miles Grimsdyke. 463 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,037 No, no, Dr. Gaston Grimsdyke. 464 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:36,350 How do you do? I didn't get your name. 465 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:40,319 Send me a memo, Grimsdyke, there's a good chap. 466 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,950 The sooner I find you another job, the better it'll be for all of us. 467 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:48,919 Don't worry. I've just heard about the most wonderful job. Suit me to a tee. 468 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,992 - Oh, thank heavens! What is it? - Swear you won't tell anybody? 469 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:54,753 There's a lot of chaps who'd like to get onto it if they knew. 470 00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:56,512 I won't tell a soul. 471 00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,512 Well, it seems there's a fellow here called Halfbeck 472 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,512 who's leaving here and going to Canada just after Christmas. 473 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,752 Now, I thought with a little bit of luck, using some of our family charm, 474 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,796 I might get the job. 475 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:22,199 - Excuse me, sir? - Uh-huh? 476 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,999 - I wonder if I may have a word with you? - Yes, of course. 477 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:26,274 I need advice. 478 00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:29,591 Oh you've come to the right man. As long as it's not about medicine. 479 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:32,148 Well, actually, sir, it's about a girl. 480 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:33,673 A girl? 481 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:37,355 I think I can safely say I'm something of an expert on the fair sex. 482 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,637 Oh, you know. 483 00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:42,676 I think I'm in love, sir. 484 00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:43,875 What, don't you know? 485 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:45,234 No, sir, not for sure. 486 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:48,437 I mean I can't eat, can't sleep, can't think... 487 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,910 - Well, I never was much good at that, sir. - No, you weren't, actually. 488 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,718 And wherever I look, I see her. 489 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:56,758 - Who? - The prettiest physiotherapist in the hospital. 490 00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,957 - What's her name? - Janine Belmont. 491 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,474 - Oh, I must have missed her. - I beg your pardon, sir? 492 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:04,039 Oh, nothing, nothing. Excuse me. 493 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:05,553 Any other symptoms? 494 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:07,551 Janine Belmont. 495 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:12,395 Yes, sir. Well, it may sound ridiculous, but every time I see her, I hear music. 496 00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:18,435 Symington, 497 00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:21,080 is she terribly pretty, this girl? 498 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:22,991 She's fantastic, sir! 499 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:26,117 She's got the most beautiful eyes. And the most wonderful figure. 500 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,351 - You should see her in the swimming pool. - I'd like to, I really would. 501 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,192 Is she... Is she in it now? 502 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:32,599 Well, she should be. 503 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,116 Why don't you come and look? Then perhaps you could tell if she's keen on me. 504 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:38,475 Good heavens! Don't you know that either? 505 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,358 Haven't you kissed her or... anything? 506 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:44,159 Well, not yet, sir. I've only been out with her nine times. 507 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:47,949 Things have certainly changed since I was a medical student. Nine times! 508 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:49,632 - She very petite. - She's what? 509 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,278 - Petite. - What, only one? 510 00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,479 There she is. 511 00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:03,030 That's wonderful, Tommy. Shall we try again? 512 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:07,995 Come back. 513 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:10,638 Well? What do you think? 514 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:17,556 You do think she�s pretty, don't you? 515 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:20,271 Hm? Well, you know... 516 00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:23,038 Not bad, not bad. 517 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:24,519 Hello. 518 00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:26,875 She's seen me! 519 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:34,189 Look, if I play my cards properly, do you think I've got a chance? 520 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,590 I hate to have to tell you this, old chap, 521 00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:41,309 as a man of the world, being much more experienced in these matters 522 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:44,597 than most people twice my age, I'm going to have to be brutal with you 523 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,035 and say, albeit reluctantly, of course... 524 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,036 ...you haven't got a hope in hell. 525 00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,316 You mean she's not interested? 526 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,118 Not in the slightest. 527 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,156 Wasting your time. 528 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:01,197 Funny. Funny she's just waved to me. 529 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,994 Come on. Again. 530 00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:14,718 That's better. 531 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:16,916 What a delightful little boy you're helping. 532 00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:19,992 He broke his leg. We're trying to make it better, Doctor. 533 00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:23,516 - You are a doctor, aren't you? - Rather! Dr. Gaston Grimsdyke. 534 00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,398 The Gaston comes from the French side of the family. 535 00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:29,233 I believe, in fact, I'm related to Napoleon. 536 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,914 What a shame. He was a nasty little man. 537 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:35,231 Oh. Only a distant relation, of course, you know. 538 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:38,118 I hope you don't mind my speaking to you, Mademoiselle... 539 00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:39,997 Belmont. Janine. 540 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,469 Janine Belmont. Aw, charmante. 541 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:47,031 Look, I'm writing a treatise on physiotherapy and I was wondering... 542 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,076 If we could have dinner and talk about it. 543 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,390 That's right. How clever of you to guess. 544 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:53,436 It's not clever at all 545 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:58,799 because already five doctors and 12 medical students have made the same suggestion. 546 00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,838 How about having dinner and not talking about physiotherapy? 547 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:05,151 That sounds a lot better. No, thank you. 548 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,232 - How about having dinner and not even talking? - No. 549 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:11,869 What's the matter, don't you fancy me? I mean, don't you like me? 550 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,918 Oh, no, it's not that, but you see, 551 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:18,470 I'm only 20 and er... you're too old. 552 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,358 Me, too old?! How old do you think I am? 553 00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:25,113 About er... 36? 554 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:27,714 I'm nothing of the sort! 555 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,473 I may look 36 but I'm... I'm only 35. 556 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:32,152 There you are, then. 557 00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:35,710 15 years difference. When I'm 86, you're already over 100. 558 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,752 Too old! 559 00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:41,796 Too old! 560 00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:01,075 You can pack in your research. I've found the perfect job for you. 561 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,913 Medical officer, ladies college, British Columbia. 562 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:10,916 800 females! From 18 to 22. And only one young man, Gaston the great loverboy. 563 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,150 Me, young? 564 00:34:13,240 --> 00:34:15,390 I've already got one foot in the grave. 565 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:18,153 You're not suffering from an incurable disease, are you? 566 00:34:18,240 --> 00:34:21,994 I'm afraid so. It's ghastly. It's never happened to me before. 567 00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:25,554 - I'm in love. - With a girl? 568 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,438 Well, naturally. 569 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,556 Trouble is, she's 15 years younger than me. 570 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,518 - Well, that's never worried you before. - It worries her. 571 00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,034 Good. Then you can take this job in British Columbia 572 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:37,394 and forget all about her. 573 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:40,153 Miles, you don't seem to understand. This is the real thing. 574 00:34:40,240 --> 00:34:43,152 I'm even contemplating... marriage. 575 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:46,352 You mean you don't want the job? 576 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,078 It pays $10,000 a year! 577 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:52,438 It's very nice of you to think of me, but Halfbeck's job is worth a very good salary. 578 00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,193 - More than enough to get married on. - I know that, you idiot. 579 00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,999 It's earmarked for me. Unless you muck it up. 580 00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,833 Look here, I told you about that in the strictest secrecy. 581 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:04,469 Everybody knows about it and that I'm going to get it. 582 00:35:05,720 --> 00:35:07,676 Good morning, Matron. 583 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:10,916 Is this bed supposed to be made? 584 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:16,154 The proper way to make a bed is to fold the corners in at an angle of precisely 25 degrees. 585 00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:18,708 Those corners are at an angle of at least 30 degrees. 586 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,553 Remake all the beds in the ward in the proper manner. 587 00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,552 And, Sister, your collar is not sufficiently starched. 588 00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:28,076 Nurse! Are you wearing false eyelashes? 589 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:29,639 - No, Matron. - Speak up, girl. 590 00:35:29,720 --> 00:35:31,278 - No, Matron. - That's better. 591 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:35,433 I never allow any of my nurses to wear artificial aids to so-called beauty. 592 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:39,798 It is unhygienic and encourages licentiousness from the male patients. 593 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,997 Go at once and take them off and wash your face with soap and water. 594 00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:45,036 Yes, Matron. 595 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:47,997 Who's a silly old buzzard? 596 00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:53,157 Sister, what is that bird doing here? 597 00:35:53,240 --> 00:35:55,754 Get it out of my hospital at once! 598 00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,195 Silence! 599 00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,113 In 20 years of nursing, I have never known anything like this. 600 00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:05,193 A pet in a ward? Disgraceful, disgusting. Disinfect. 601 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,113 - But, Matron, Sir Lancelot expressly asked... - Oh, did he? 602 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,954 Well, I have already expressly asked for it to be removed. 603 00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:14,474 I do not propose to repeat myself. 604 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:16,676 - Bancroft, remove the patient. - The patient? 605 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,591 - The parrot! - But, Matron, it's... 606 00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:20,636 - Nurse! - Yes, Matron. 607 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:25,676 Come on, Tweetypie. 608 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:30,117 Now, get this clear, everyone, nurses and patients. 609 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,509 You are not here to enjoy yourselves, 610 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:34,750 you are here to get better. 611 00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,035 And better you are going to get! 612 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:39,992 Help, Sir Lancelot! 613 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:41,559 Where are you taking my parrot? 614 00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:43,790 Matron instructed me to remove it, sir. 615 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,235 And I instruct you to replace it. 616 00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:48,390 Well, come on, girl, what are you waiting for? 617 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:51,517 Come on, give me the parrot. I'll take it back to the ward. 618 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:55,149 Come along, Tweetypie, back you come to where you belong. 619 00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:59,556 Come on, talk to your old man. Back with all the pretty girls. 620 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:03,199 There you are, back where you started from. 621 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:07,910 Oh, Matron, there appears to have been some slight misunderstanding. 622 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,833 I don't know whether you're aware, but I gave instructions 623 00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,354 that this parrot was to remain in the ward. 624 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,795 There was no misunderstanding, Sir Lancelot. 625 00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:17,791 I gave instructions for it to be removed. 626 00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:19,836 Nurse, remove it. 627 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:22,718 - Excuse me. - Nurse, replace it, if you'd be so kind. 628 00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:24,756 - Remove it, Nurse. Help! 629 00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:28,629 Let us get one thing crystal clear, Sir Lancelot, 630 00:37:28,720 --> 00:37:32,554 I am responsible for the wards of this hospital, and for instructing the nurses. 631 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:34,710 You are responsible for the patients. 632 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:38,919 If you do not like the arrangement, I suggest you complain to a higher authority. 633 00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:48,759 Excuse me, miss, haven't I seen you before somewhere? 634 00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:51,195 I'm afraid you're the only one who could answer that. 635 00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:53,111 Here, I got it, you're Tatiana Rubikov. 636 00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:56,317 Last time I caught you, you were having a bash at Sylphides. 637 00:37:56,400 --> 00:38:00,359 - Oh, wonderful pont-levis? Wonderful. - Oh, how very kind of you to say so. 638 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,238 Nothing like a bash of Sylphides when you've got the hump. 639 00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:04,719 Are you fond of ballet, then? 640 00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,995 Oh, I know it all, love. I know it all backwards. 641 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,548 Fouettes, arabesques, 642 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,029 enchainements, entrechats... 643 00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:16,239 I never had a bash at it myself. My dad wouldn't let me do it. 644 00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:19,790 Oh, what a very silly daddy! 645 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,438 You think so? 646 00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:24,557 Oh, yes. You'd have made a wonderful dancer. 647 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:26,392 You've got the physique. 648 00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:29,516 You know what I think? 649 00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:33,479 I think your ballon would be sheer magic. 650 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:35,837 - My what? - Your ballon. 651 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:39,993 My balloon? Oh, that would have gone up, wouldn't it? But he kept it down. 652 00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:41,832 Still, there you are. 653 00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:43,638 But your gissle, that's a treat. 654 00:38:43,720 --> 00:38:46,188 - My... My... My what? - Show us a bit of your gissle. 655 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,475 Oh, I... My... Oh, not here! 656 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:52,348 Show us that bit where you go bonkers, you pull the beads off and you fall down. 657 00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:53,759 Oh, my Giselle! 658 00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:55,432 - Yeah, go on. - Oh, do you like it? 659 00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:58,080 - How sweet of you. - Go on, do a little bit now. 660 00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:01,118 - No, I couldn't possibly. - Oh, go on, we're in the same hospital. 661 00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,715 - I couldn't possibly. - All right, then. 662 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:08,349 Well, er... if you wouldn't mind holding my crutch for a moment. 663 00:39:14,720 --> 00:39:16,915 Giselle 664 00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:04,590 Bravo! Bravo! 665 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:08,791 Oh, thank you very much. 666 00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:13,112 - That's better than all your pills, love. - Won't you help me up, darling? 667 00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:15,999 Mr. Wendover! 668 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:19,038 - What are you doing out of bed? - Three guesses, mate... 669 00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:20,633 ...tron. 670 00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:23,188 Kindly return to your ward at once! 671 00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,236 Sisters! 672 00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:29,874 - Come on. - Hey, watch it. Watch it. 673 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,235 Watch it! 674 00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:35,989 You should not be in this corridor, Miss Rubikov. 675 00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,435 These are the men's wards. 676 00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:40,351 Oh, are they really? 677 00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:43,239 I had no idea. 678 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:46,995 It is my belief that you are a sex maniac. 679 00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,112 Come in. 680 00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:56,872 - Sir? - Ah Grimsdyke. 681 00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,554 That woman's quite impossible. She's a gorgon. 682 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:03,076 She should be in a home for stray dragons, not matron of a busy hospital. 683 00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:06,277 - She is a bit of a case, sir. - Psychiatric case, if you ask me. 684 00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:08,999 I can't say I've dug down very deep myself, sir. 685 00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:11,036 You don't have to. It's obvious. 686 00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,111 She's repressed. She needs an object to love. 687 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:15,475 She's got her chessboard. 688 00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,518 She needs a man, not a ruddy rook! Sit down, Grimsdyke. 689 00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:22,388 A man. That's very interesting, sir, but, I mean, what man? 690 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:26,075 Who would you get... that's... n... 691 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:28,553 You must be joking, sir! 692 00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:30,392 Why not? 693 00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:34,678 It'd all be part of a day's work to you, with your abundant talents. 694 00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,957 I... I... I can't take on dragons, sir. 695 00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:39,837 I'm not the St George type. 696 00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:44,630 I might be able to put in a word for you promotion-wise 697 00:41:44,720 --> 00:41:46,278 if you agree to co-operate. 698 00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:48,878 I'm too young, sir. 699 00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:51,428 Nonsense. How old are you? 43? 44? 700 00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:53,636 I'm just pushing 35! 701 00:41:53,720 --> 00:41:57,235 Hmm. Well, you look older. Probably because you're the pushing type. 702 00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,629 Let me off this one, sir, please. 703 00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:02,075 Oh, please. Look, I'll find someone else. 704 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:05,390 Please, sir. 705 00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:08,313 Very well. I'll give you a free hand. 706 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:12,989 But love she needs and love she must get. 707 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:14,957 I'll do my best, love. Er... sir. 708 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,911 Very good. 709 00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:23,715 If I do succeed sir, you will put in a word for me promotion-wise? 710 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,109 I'll think about it. 711 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:30,113 We'll both think about it, won't we, Tweetypie? Eh? Mmm. 712 00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:36,114 Where do you think you're going, Mr. Wendover? 713 00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:39,590 I'm not going anywhere, Nurse. I've just been. For the fifth time. 714 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,875 That wasn't a pill you gave me, that was an H-bomb. 715 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,520 You ought to give a pair of roller skates with that stuff. 716 00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:47,717 - Get back into bed at once. - All right, don't get onto me. 717 00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:49,438 Ain't got much strength left. 718 00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:51,476 Takes it out of you, that stuff. 719 00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:04,795 - What's the matter? - You're sinking fast, mate. 720 00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:06,836 You want to see this. I know about medicine. 721 00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:09,798 They'll be having these screens round and wheeling you away. 722 00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:11,552 I've only got water on the knee. 723 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:15,155 - Is that what they told you? That's nice. - Of course that's what they told me. 724 00:43:15,240 --> 00:43:18,755 Well, if they told you what was really wrong, it'd sap your will to live. 725 00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:23,598 Take my advice, I should start reading short stories. 726 00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:27,916 Hey, mister, do you really know about medicine? 727 00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:30,673 Well, naturally, mate. I wouldn't talk about it otherwise. 728 00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:34,070 It's all in the Home Doctor. You want to get yourself a copy. A dollar. 729 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:39,234 They told me that my dizziness had something to do with the chalk balls in my ears. 730 00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,675 It's something to do with the balance. 731 00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:43,990 Every time I stand up, I fall down. 732 00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:46,719 Ah, well, you've probably got chalk balls in your ears. 733 00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:49,234 That's what the doctor told me! He's good. 734 00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:52,073 He knows, he knows. You should have been a doctor. 735 00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,674 It's all in there. Borrow it if you want. Have a look. 736 00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:56,830 It comes under B. "Balls, chalky. " 737 00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:00,317 Was there something Nurse? 738 00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,356 Take off your pajamas, please. 739 00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:05,754 What's the idea, then? 740 00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,796 You're to have a blanket bath. 741 00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:11,713 - What's the matter with a proper bath? - Matron's orders. 742 00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:15,110 All patients are to have a blanket bath daily. I'm not arguing with Matron. 743 00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,794 Try it. I'd like to see the person to give me a blanket bath. 744 00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:21,395 Don't be ridiculous, Wendover. Nurse is going to give me one, too. 745 00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:25,109 You probably enjoy that kind of thing. You're probably filthier than what I am. 746 00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:26,872 I am not filthy. 747 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:28,871 What do you want a bath for, then? 748 00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:32,714 - Take off his pajama jacket, please, Nurse. - You try it. Leave it alone. 749 00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:35,872 - Just leave it. Leave it, if you don't... - Now, come on. 750 00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:37,632 - Leave it! - What is going on here? 751 00:44:37,720 --> 00:44:40,473 This patient refuses to have his blanket bath, Matron. 752 00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:43,757 That's right, Matron. My skin's sensitive. I'm allergic to soap. 753 00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:46,752 Well, I'm allergic to argumentative patients. Come along. 754 00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:48,558 Hey, watch it. Hey, what are you doing? 755 00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:50,039 Don't push your luck, mate. 756 00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,759 I used to be middleweight champion, you know. 757 00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,070 Oh! This is an invasion of my privacy. 758 00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,390 I shall write to the BBC about this. 759 00:44:57,480 --> 00:44:59,948 - And the Daily Mirror. And... - Will you shut up? 760 00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:01,792 Now, come along. 761 00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:03,996 Come along! 762 00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:05,752 Mr. Wendover. 763 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:07,990 That's better. 764 00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:10,355 That's it. It's not so bad, is it, after all? 765 00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:11,509 Ow! 766 00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:13,318 Hey, Matron, 767 00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:15,516 that's my toe. 768 00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:19,149 All right, I give in. I know when I'm beaten. You might as well take it steady. 769 00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:24,796 My back. 770 00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:33,596 Come on, dry him off now. 771 00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:36,959 That's better. 772 00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:38,553 - Come along. - No, I can do that. 773 00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,552 Come along, come along, don't be modest, Mr. Wendover. 774 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:44,797 Haven't got all day, you know. 775 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:46,108 There we are, then. 776 00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:49,350 Now, feel better after that, don't you? 777 00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:52,512 I do. Matron, what are you doing for dinner tonight? 778 00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,875 I expect he smells a bit better now anyway. 779 00:45:57,640 --> 00:45:59,039 Come on, you're next. 780 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:00,235 Oh, no, Matron, no, no! 781 00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:01,833 No, I... I... 782 00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:03,319 Ah! 783 00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:07,238 And what are you laughing at? 784 00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:09,709 I can't wait to see him get a blanket bath. 785 00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,078 Your turn, Mr. Parton. 786 00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,435 That's enough, Tommy. Go and get dressed. 787 00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:25,153 - Hello, Tommy. - Hello, Doctor. 788 00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:27,879 - There, now. - Haven't you any work to do, Doctor? 789 00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:29,632 Oh, yes, lashings of it. 790 00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:32,188 You wouldn't be free for dinner tonight, I suppose? 791 00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:35,875 I'm afraid not. Symie's taking me to the pictures. 792 00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:37,439 Symie? 793 00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:40,592 Lambert Symington. You know him, he brought you here last weekend. 794 00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:43,035 You're surely not interested in him, are you? 795 00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:46,999 Well, he's very attractive, in a funny sort of a way. 796 00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:48,559 Yes, very funny. 797 00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,870 I wouldn't be interested in him, if I were you. 798 00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:52,791 He's practically engaged, you know. 799 00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:54,199 Who to? 800 00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:58,114 Well, to... to an au pair girl in Bristol. 801 00:46:58,200 --> 00:46:59,997 That's it. 802 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:01,672 German fr�ulein. 803 00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:04,752 Damned pretty. Oh! He likes the Nordic types, you know. 804 00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:07,115 Mm, I didn't know. 805 00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:12,672 Yes, so why not, in the circumstances, cancel your date and come out with me? 806 00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:14,796 I don't think I'll do that, if you don't mind. 807 00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:16,757 Well, how about tomorrow evening, then? 808 00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:18,273 No. 809 00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:19,713 - Non? - Non. 810 00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:23,473 - Day after? - No. No. 811 00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:25,073 - Non? - No. 812 00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:27,196 - I'm not doing very well, am I? - No. 813 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:35,512 I feel as though I was only 21 today! 814 00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:37,158 Dr. Grimsdyke! 815 00:47:37,240 --> 00:47:39,151 What? Ah! 816 00:47:39,240 --> 00:47:41,117 What on earth do you think you're doing?! 817 00:47:57,720 --> 00:48:00,234 - Gaston, I've just heard about... - Can't you read? 818 00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:03,676 It says quite clearly on the door "Do not disturb". 819 00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,320 Well, I didn't think that applied to blood relations. 820 00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:09,073 - Now, look... - What's happened to your face? 821 00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:11,310 If you really must know, it's a mudpack. 822 00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:14,437 It vanishes wrinkles and bags under the eyes. 823 00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:18,832 Eugh! I look like a very hot Easter egg. 824 00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:21,632 Oh, it's your girlfriend. 825 00:48:21,720 --> 00:48:25,349 I've got to try and look younger than I do if I'm going to have a chance. 826 00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:27,556 Oh, I say, it's tightening up. 827 00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:30,108 Ooh, dear. I don't think I like this. 828 00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:34,314 - Is this to her? - What is it? 829 00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:36,391 It's a bit flowery, isn't it? 830 00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:40,109 It's extremely bad manners for a chap to read another chap's letters. 831 00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:44,193 Yes, I know. "Ever since you walked into the hospital, my life has changed. 832 00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:47,477 I'm... I'm dancing on daffodils"?! 833 00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:50,233 That's a bit of a feat for this time of year, isn't it? 834 00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:54,279 As it happens, that letter is not intended for Janine. It's to Matron. 835 00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:55,475 Matron?! 836 00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:58,870 At Sir Lancelot's request, I'm trying to get her a man. 837 00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:01,838 Make her calm down. I don't think I can stand this much longer. 838 00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:03,433 Who's it supposed to be from? 839 00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:07,832 It's Lambert Symington, that idiot student who's been pestering Janine. 840 00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:10,229 He's going to be sorry, you know. 841 00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:12,038 How about this bit? 842 00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:16,238 "Until I know my, dare I say it, love is returned, 843 00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:19,278 I must sign myself merely LS." 844 00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:21,715 It's rather moving, don't you think? 845 00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:24,792 It's rather a dirty trick to play on poor old Symington. 846 00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:26,677 All's fair in love and war. 847 00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:28,955 I've got to get this off now. I've had enough. 848 00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:30,553 Give us a hand, will you? 849 00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:32,756 Oh, I say! 850 00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:34,319 Oh, I don't like this. 851 00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,470 Ooh! No, look, steady. 852 00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:37,993 Keep still! 853 00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:39,911 Ooh, the things us girls go through. 854 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:41,035 Ooh! 855 00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:46,956 Ah! No! It's caught. 856 00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:49,315 It's your moustache. It's stuck. 857 00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:51,755 Just a minute. I'll cut it off. I'll cut it off. 858 00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:55,515 No! No! Good heavens, man, I'd... I'd be naked without that. 859 00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:59,110 Now, there we are. 860 00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:02,632 I look exactly the same. 861 00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,235 And what do you think you're doing, Grimsdyke? 862 00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:21,236 Carrying out instructions, sir. 863 00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:24,311 Getting Matron a man. 864 00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:33,076 LS? 865 00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:35,674 LS. 866 00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,752 Tomorrow, she'll get a nice bouquet, sir. 867 00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:41,836 Well done, Grimsdyke. 868 00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:43,876 - Lancelot Spratt! - Yes, Matron? 869 00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:47,634 You're looking quite singularly happy. Are you? 870 00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:51,274 I er... I don't know. 871 00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:53,032 I... I think I am. 872 00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:54,348 Good. Very good. 873 00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:56,715 Excellent. And now, if you'll excuse me... 874 00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:44,670 You don't have to be rude you lunatic! 875 00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:56,275 Dr. Grimsdyke! 876 00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:58,078 Oh, well... 877 00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:01,630 - I say, what a coincidence. - Isn't it absolutely amazing? 878 00:52:01,720 --> 00:52:06,157 I'm terribly sorry, Janine. If I'd have had the slightest idea... 879 00:52:06,240 --> 00:52:07,195 Shh! 880 00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,431 Naturally, I'll go and sit somewhere else. 881 00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:12,556 Sit down! I can't see through your back. 882 00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:14,596 Terribly sorry, madam. Sorry. 883 00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:25,430 Caterina! Oh, Caterina! 884 00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:29,392 Oh, Caterina, Caterina que tu es belle. 885 00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:34,635 Moi aussi. 886 00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:37,638 Non! Oh non! 887 00:52:37,720 --> 00:52:40,678 - Viens j'ai quelque chose � te dire. - Non! Non! 888 00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:43,513 - Non! - Oh, Caterina! Caterina! 889 00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:56,035 Ah non. 890 00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:59,510 Qu'est-ce que j'ai fait moi? C'est pas possible. 891 00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:01,556 T'es une femme mari�e. 892 00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:05,316 J'ai �t� �lev� par mes grandparents. 893 00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:09,518 lls m'ont appris � �tre un bon gar�on 894 00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:13,195 � �couter monsieur le cur� � respecter les dix commandements. 895 00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:16,511 Moi aussi je viens d'une famille pauvre moi aussi je respecte. 896 00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,558 Je respecte mes parents les dix commandements 897 00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:22,108 mais je suis une femme. 898 00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,156 Une femme passionn�e. 899 00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:27,838 Une femme mari�e. 900 00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:29,751 Oh, Caterina! 901 00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:32,518 Caterina je me donne! 902 00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:34,511 Moi aussi Pierre moi aussi! 903 00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:36,795 Oh, Caterina! 904 00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:38,199 Oh, Caterina! 905 00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:42,918 Oh, Caterina! 906 00:53:43,960 --> 00:53:45,598 Caterina tu me donnes? 907 00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:47,675 Caterina. 908 00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:49,716 Moi aussi Pierre 909 00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:53,268 Moi aussi je viens d'une famille pauvre 910 00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:56,033 moi aussi je respecte mes parents les dix commandements. 911 00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:59,795 Je suis une femme passionn�e. 912 00:53:59,880 --> 00:54:01,677 Une femme mari�e. 913 00:54:07,240 --> 00:54:09,037 Tu es une femme mari�e. 914 00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:11,839 J'ai �t� �lev� par mes grandparents. 915 00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:15,595 Ils m'ont appris � �tre un bon gar�on et � �couter monsieur le cur� 916 00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:17,716 � respecter les dix commandements. 917 00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:38,996 Oh! Ooh l� l�! 918 00:54:42,240 --> 00:54:45,277 C'est vous ma�tre Benoit Ne tirez pas! 919 00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:47,954 C'est moi, c'est Pierre! Ah! 920 00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:53,516 - Excuse me. - Oh, yes. 921 00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:59,353 Can I give you two a lift? I thought we might have a bite together somewhere. 922 00:54:59,440 --> 00:55:01,271 Oh. Oh, well, it's very kind of you, sir... 923 00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:05,035 - You needn't call me sir off duty, Symington. - Oh, sorry, sir. Force of habit. 924 00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:07,475 - Respect for your advancing years. - That'll do. 925 00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:08,959 Now, where shall we nosh? 926 00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:10,598 Well, I was trying to explain, sir, 927 00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:13,956 - I always go back to Janine's place afterwards. - You do? What for? 928 00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:16,156 - Oh, the usual thing. - Filthy swine! 929 00:55:16,240 --> 00:55:19,073 What's wrong with having a spot of supper with a girl, sir? 930 00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:23,631 Yeah, I see, but what do you do after supper? I mean, do you... um, you know? 931 00:55:23,720 --> 00:55:25,836 - Oh, yes, always. - You filthy swine! 932 00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:29,833 Look, sir, haven't you ever watched television with a girl? 933 00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:31,558 Yeah, never mind what I do. 934 00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:35,952 You should be studying, not canoodling in the dark with some innocent little girl. 935 00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:37,439 But she asked me, sir! 936 00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:41,354 It's only when you're a fully qualified doctor on the threshold of success 937 00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:43,271 that you should take time off at night. 938 00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:45,954 Especially as there's another loves you so dearly. 939 00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:47,951 - Loves me? Who? - No, shh. 940 00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:51,311 - Ah, there we are, then. - Good night, sir. 941 00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,197 Good night, sir. 942 00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:56,829 He's a nice old chap isn't he? - Yes quite sweet. 943 00:56:02,360 --> 00:56:03,634 Come in. 944 00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:09,716 Looks like you've got an admirer, Matron. 945 00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:11,756 Don't be impertinent! 946 00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:29,429 LS. 947 00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:32,398 - Thrombosis. - What's that? 948 00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:36,439 It says it's a medical term for the formation of a blood clot within a blood vessel. 949 00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:39,876 If the clot moves from its original position, you've had it. 950 00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:46,670 How are you feeling this morning, Wendover? 951 00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:49,354 Didn't the nurse tell you? I had a corona during the night. 952 00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:51,032 - Got it on the chart? - No. 953 00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:53,588 Well, that's nice, isn't it? That's very efficient. 954 00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:56,433 I'm lying next to death's door and nobody's made a note of it. 955 00:56:56,520 --> 00:57:00,149 Can't have been a very serious coronary if nobody else noticed it, can it? 956 00:57:00,240 --> 00:57:03,391 Not serious? Not serious he says! Not serious! 957 00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:05,118 Did you ring for the night nurse? 958 00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:09,113 - I was rigid, Doctor. Wasn't I, I was rigid? - He was there rigid. Rigid he was. 959 00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:10,918 I was lying here, I was saying to myself, 960 00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:13,878 "Hello, here comes a blood clot. I'm having a corona. " Didn't I? 961 00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:15,837 That's what he said. That's what he said. 962 00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:20,038 I lay here and I said... "Tarquin... " 963 00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:22,793 I said, "... this is it son, this is your lot. " Didn't I? 964 00:57:22,880 --> 00:57:27,670 That's what he said. And I would have got up to help him only I remembered my chalky white... 965 00:57:27,760 --> 00:57:29,876 Yeah, he never forgets those, Doctor. 966 00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:32,872 And old Lord Muck over here, he didn't lend a hand, did he? 967 00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:35,997 He just laid there snoring while I was in the valley of darkness. 968 00:57:36,080 --> 00:57:39,834 You seem to have made a remarkable recovery. Let's have a look at your stomach. 969 00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:42,150 It's cos I knew what to do, though, Doctor. 970 00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:46,631 Lie here rigid and let the clot flow through my system and disperse itself up my right intestine. 971 00:57:46,720 --> 00:57:49,996 If that clot had stopped on its way through my brain, I'd have had it. 972 00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:54,039 Yeah, they would have had the screens around him and he would have been wheeled away. 973 00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:55,951 - Does that hurt? - No. 974 00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:58,474 - Does that? - No. 975 00:57:58,560 --> 00:58:00,915 - Does that? - Ooh-ahh! 976 00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:03,560 I think we shall have to open you up, Wendover. 977 00:58:03,640 --> 00:58:06,632 Open me up? I'm not a tin of baked beans, you know. What for? 978 00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:07,914 See what's inside. 979 00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:10,150 But you don't even know what you're looking for. 980 00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:13,152 You're not leading a search party through my abdominal regions. 981 00:58:13,240 --> 00:58:17,199 I would have you know, Wendover, that I've explored more abdominal cavities 982 00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:19,350 than you've filled in football pools. 983 00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:21,590 And with far greater success. 984 00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:25,275 Furthermore, if I decide that it is necessary to open you up 985 00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:27,316 from here... 986 00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:30,033 ...to there... 987 00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:32,395 and from there... 988 00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:34,710 to there, opened up you will be. 989 00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:37,678 I never did like keyhole surgery at any time. 990 00:58:38,720 --> 00:58:40,676 Good day to you. 991 00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:42,637 Oh, that's nice. 992 00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:45,234 First of all he thinks I'm a tin of baked beans 993 00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:47,276 and now he thinks I'm a hot cross bun! 994 00:58:49,520 --> 00:58:51,158 Marvelous, innit? 995 00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:54,829 - Good morning, Sir Lancelot. - Morning, Matron. 996 00:58:54,920 --> 00:58:57,878 Morning, ladies. Ah, Mrs. Baker, how are we today? 997 00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:02,112 Oh, much better, Doctor, since dear Tweetypie came back. 998 00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:06,234 What on earth made you do that Matron? 999 00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:09,073 I thought the matter over and decided you were right. 1000 00:59:09,160 --> 00:59:10,991 Morale is more important than anything. 1001 00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:13,958 I never expected we should come to an understanding so quickly. 1002 00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:16,110 May I accompany you on the rest of your rounds? 1003 00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:18,555 I should be honored. Morning, ladies. 1004 00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:21,108 Goodbye. Goodbye. 1005 00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:22,952 I wanted a word with you anyway. 1006 00:59:23,040 --> 00:59:24,917 Oh? Er, Sister. 1007 00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:28,673 What about? 1008 00:59:28,760 --> 00:59:30,955 Oh, this terrible television thing. 1009 00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:33,315 Oh, I'm afraid I don't know anything about that. 1010 00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:36,870 Some idiotic programme called The Hands Of A Surgeon. 1011 00:59:36,960 --> 00:59:39,520 They want to televise an operation from our theatre. 1012 00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:41,636 With you as the star? 1013 00:59:41,720 --> 00:59:44,792 Well, you could put it that way. Yes, with me as the star. 1014 00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:48,555 Naturally, I should want the use of the best nursing staff available. 1015 00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:50,232 Oh, of course, Sir Lancelot. 1016 00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:01,470 Grimsdyke, what are you doing here? I thought you were working in Research. 1017 01:00:01,560 --> 01:00:05,075 Yes, so I am. I'm hoping to become a bit of an expert on rejuvenation. 1018 01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:08,311 So I thought I'd come down here and study the kiddies for a bit. 1019 01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:10,789 Mm. Hello, Tommy, how are you getting on? 1020 01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:12,199 All right, thank you, sir. 1021 01:00:12,280 --> 01:00:15,397 - Well, have you finished your studies, Doctor? - Yes, well, I... I... 1022 01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:17,835 Then I expect you'll want to get back to Research. 1023 01:00:17,920 --> 01:00:19,876 Yes, of course, Matron, right away. 1024 01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:31,194 I'll save you Matron! 1025 01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:36,630 All right, I've got you. Don't worry! Don't worry! 1026 01:00:42,560 --> 01:00:44,790 Good heavens, Grimsdyke! 1027 01:00:44,880 --> 01:00:47,155 Stop all this malarkey! 1028 01:00:47,240 --> 01:00:49,834 - It's only three foot deep! - What? Oh. 1029 01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:51,194 So it is, sir. 1030 01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:53,316 I say, I think she really is drowning. 1031 01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:57,279 Waterlogged, I fancy, sir. She was going down for the third time when I saved her. 1032 01:00:57,360 --> 01:00:59,715 Well, you didn't want her to drown... did you, sir? 1033 01:00:59,800 --> 01:01:02,519 Bit of artificial respiration and she'll be as good as new. 1034 01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:04,556 Look, give her the kiss of life, sir. 1035 01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:10,116 Oh, Sir Lancelot! 1036 01:01:21,280 --> 01:01:23,589 Oh, Miles, can you spare me a minute? 1037 01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:24,874 Excuse me, won't you, miss? 1038 01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:28,794 Watch it, mate. 1039 01:01:28,880 --> 01:01:31,235 I beg your pardon... sir. 1040 01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:37,559 You can put on your shirt. Take this down to the dispensary, they'll make it up for you. 1041 01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:39,874 What is it, Gaston? 1042 01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:43,111 It's Janine. She won't look at me. She says I'm too old. 1043 01:01:44,160 --> 01:01:47,072 This is no laughing matter. You've got to help me regain my youth. 1044 01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:48,912 I'll do anything, Miles. Anything. 1045 01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:51,639 I'd even promise not to go after Halfbeck's job. 1046 01:01:51,720 --> 01:01:53,551 Have you tried Dextranome 90? 1047 01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:55,517 No, but I will. What is it? 1048 01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:59,070 Well, it's a sort of um... super pick-me-up for old people. 1049 01:01:59,160 --> 01:02:01,515 One injection takes 10 years off your age. 1050 01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:03,272 Ten years! 1051 01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:04,998 Well, for about 12 hours. 1052 01:02:05,080 --> 01:02:08,516 That'd be a help. I'll take some before the nurses' dance. 1053 01:02:08,600 --> 01:02:10,477 You get a reaction when it's worn off. 1054 01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:13,438 Thanks, Miles, you're a real friend. Where do I get this stuff? 1055 01:02:13,520 --> 01:02:15,590 Well, there should be a bottle in Research. 1056 01:02:15,680 --> 01:02:18,114 But it's still in the experimental stage. 1057 01:02:18,200 --> 01:02:21,397 Doctor! There's been an accident! 1058 01:02:21,480 --> 01:02:24,870 Rock Stewart the film star. Can you see him right away? 1059 01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:27,188 Of course. 1060 01:02:37,040 --> 01:02:40,191 - What happened? - We're shooting this big battle scene at Dieppe, 1061 01:02:40,280 --> 01:02:43,352 and Rock orders the boys to attack and gets a splinter in his hand. 1062 01:02:43,440 --> 01:02:44,839 A shell splinter? 1063 01:02:44,920 --> 01:02:48,435 No, no, no. No, it was... a splinter from the wooden grenade he was holding. 1064 01:02:48,520 --> 01:02:50,476 We got him here as soon as possible. 1065 01:02:50,560 --> 01:02:52,312 Sit down, please, will you? 1066 01:02:52,400 --> 01:02:55,597 Take it easy, Rock boy, it'll all be over as soon as you know it. 1067 01:02:55,680 --> 01:02:59,559 You won't have any trouble with him, doc. He got the VC in his last picture. 1068 01:03:03,000 --> 01:03:05,275 - Ooh! - There we are. All over. 1069 01:03:06,680 --> 01:03:08,716 Will it... leave a scar? 1070 01:03:08,800 --> 01:03:11,712 No, no. You can go straight back to work. 1071 01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:14,712 You mean I don't have to lie down and rest for an hour or so? 1072 01:03:14,800 --> 01:03:16,756 No. 1073 01:03:16,840 --> 01:03:19,115 But, Doctor, how can I thank you? You saved my life. 1074 01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:20,918 Is there anything I can do for you? 1075 01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:22,911 An autograph? Autographed photo? 1076 01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:26,879 No, but perhaps you could tell me how you manage to look so young. 1077 01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:29,672 Well, I'm only 35. 1078 01:03:29,760 --> 01:03:31,671 35? 1079 01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:36,712 But I saw you in films when I was only ten. 1080 01:03:36,800 --> 01:03:38,597 35! 1081 01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:40,079 I said I was 35. 1082 01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:43,871 Or would you like a belt in the mouth? 1083 01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:45,678 Yeah, well, that would be very nice. 1084 01:03:46,720 --> 01:03:48,631 Who's going to give it to me? 1085 01:03:48,720 --> 01:03:51,234 Well... he will. 1086 01:03:52,560 --> 01:03:54,869 Er... Come on, kid, back to the Normandy beaches. 1087 01:03:54,960 --> 01:03:56,871 - Thanks a lot, doc. - That's all right. 1088 01:03:56,960 --> 01:03:59,030 He must be at least 50! 1089 01:03:59,120 --> 01:04:00,235 How does he do it? 1090 01:04:00,320 --> 01:04:02,675 A bit of everything, I expect. 1091 01:04:02,760 --> 01:04:05,149 Well, it's the image he creates. 1092 01:04:05,240 --> 01:04:07,196 That's it, Miles. It's the image. 1093 01:04:07,280 --> 01:04:08,918 That's what I need to create. 1094 01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:10,479 A new image. 1095 01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:13,836 A new Gaston Grimsdyke. 1096 01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:15,876 That and a little Dextranome 90... 1097 01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:18,913 ...and the girl is mine. 1098 01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:20,956 Take A Look At Me 1099 01:05:01,320 --> 01:05:02,799 Can I help you, sir? 1100 01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:04,836 Er... yes. 1101 01:05:04,920 --> 01:05:07,718 I want to get something with-it to wear at a dance. 1102 01:05:07,800 --> 01:05:09,358 For your son? 1103 01:05:09,440 --> 01:05:11,749 What size? 1104 01:05:11,840 --> 01:05:13,956 Well, no, actually, it's um... 1105 01:05:14,040 --> 01:05:15,553 it's for me. 1106 01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:19,637 That's fine, sir. We get quite a lot of older customers. 1107 01:05:20,680 --> 01:05:24,150 That's the whole point. I want to stop looking older and start... 1108 01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:27,156 ...getting younger. 1109 01:05:28,760 --> 01:05:31,672 Well, we'll do what we can about the clothes, sir, 1110 01:05:31,760 --> 01:05:33,716 but um... physically, I mean... 1111 01:05:35,320 --> 01:05:37,276 What do you mean? 1112 01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:41,797 Well, your hair, for a start, sir. It's a bit old world, isn't it? 1113 01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:44,796 Well... Is it? 1114 01:05:44,880 --> 01:05:47,189 Where do you suggest I get it cut, then? 1115 01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:50,192 I don't think you ought to lose any more, sir. 1116 01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:52,316 You could have it styled. 1117 01:05:52,400 --> 01:05:54,675 Try Robert of Tight Street. 1118 01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:56,751 If you can get an appointment. 1119 01:05:56,840 --> 01:05:58,796 - Excuse me. - Yeah, sure. 1120 01:06:16,800 --> 01:06:20,031 Yes, well, we'll have to let this grow. 1121 01:06:20,120 --> 01:06:24,511 And then we can move this up and round, softening the lines of the forehead, 1122 01:06:24,600 --> 01:06:28,434 widen the face, bringing up all the highlights, 1123 01:06:28,520 --> 01:06:31,592 and giving you that schoolboy look... all over. 1124 01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:33,796 Can you really make me look as young as all that? 1125 01:06:33,880 --> 01:06:35,757 Hmm. 1126 01:06:35,840 --> 01:06:38,434 And we really ought to get rid of our ghastly moustache. 1127 01:06:38,520 --> 01:06:40,112 They're right out now, you know. 1128 01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:43,192 Oh, no, no. No. It makes me look younger. 1129 01:06:43,280 --> 01:06:44,872 By the time I've finished with you, 1130 01:06:44,960 --> 01:06:47,918 you'll look so young, you won't even be able to grow a moustache. 1131 01:06:51,400 --> 01:06:53,356 It's awfully tired. 1132 01:06:54,400 --> 01:06:57,119 Would you consider wearing a piece? 1133 01:07:09,160 --> 01:07:10,354 Hello there, babies. 1134 01:07:13,280 --> 01:07:16,397 - Gaston! - Yeah, yeah! What do you think, eh? 1135 01:07:16,480 --> 01:07:18,232 Amazing. 1136 01:07:18,320 --> 01:07:19,833 I think it's super. 1137 01:07:19,920 --> 01:07:22,480 - You should try the same treatment. - Me?! 1138 01:07:22,560 --> 01:07:24,835 Why not? You'd look fab in the right gear. 1139 01:07:24,920 --> 01:07:27,070 You're coming to the nurses' dance, aren't you? 1140 01:07:27,160 --> 01:07:29,151 I might need your moral support. 1141 01:07:29,240 --> 01:07:30,992 Don't worry, I'll do what I can to help. 1142 01:07:56,000 --> 01:07:57,956 Mm. 1143 01:07:59,360 --> 01:08:01,555 Now, er... 1144 01:08:01,640 --> 01:08:03,596 Oh, dear. 1145 01:08:04,360 --> 01:08:06,590 - You wanted to see me, sir? - Yes. 1146 01:08:06,680 --> 01:08:09,069 You are Dr. Grimsdyke, aren't you, sir? 1147 01:08:09,160 --> 01:08:11,310 Well, of course I am. 1148 01:08:11,400 --> 01:08:13,311 Couple of things. Um... 1149 01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:19,359 - First, I'd like you to help me with this injection. It's anti-flu. 1150 01:08:19,440 --> 01:08:21,317 - I'm sorry. - Oh. 1151 01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:23,789 Mm, jolly good. Wonder if I could have one, sir. 1152 01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:28,356 Er... Yeah, well... Got a bit of a taste for it, have you? 1153 01:08:30,040 --> 01:08:34,079 I'm sorry. Look, it's the last one, and as I've got a bit of a cold coming on, you know... 1154 01:08:34,160 --> 01:08:37,277 - Never mind, what was the other thing? - Something for Sir Lancelot. 1155 01:08:37,360 --> 01:08:41,956 I don't know who you're taking to the dance tonight but I'm afraid you'll have to cancel it. 1156 01:08:42,040 --> 01:08:42,995 What? 1157 01:08:43,080 --> 01:08:44,559 But, sir, I've already promised! 1158 01:08:44,640 --> 01:08:46,870 Sorry, old chap, Sir Lancelot's orders. 1159 01:08:47,640 --> 01:08:50,108 He wants you to... take care of Matron. 1160 01:08:50,200 --> 01:08:52,191 Matron?! 1161 01:08:52,280 --> 01:08:54,157 That's it. 1162 01:08:54,240 --> 01:08:56,913 It seems that she'd like to have a nice younger man like you 1163 01:08:57,000 --> 01:08:58,399 to look after her. 1164 01:08:58,480 --> 01:09:01,040 I say, sir, Janine's going to be awfully disappointed. 1165 01:09:01,120 --> 01:09:04,635 Oh, I don't see why. I mean, it's not as if she's keen on you, is it? 1166 01:09:04,720 --> 01:09:08,474 I tell you what, I'll... I'll take care of her, if you like. 1167 01:09:08,560 --> 01:09:10,516 Oh. I say, it's awfully good of you, sir. 1168 01:09:10,600 --> 01:09:12,352 - Oh, I don't mind, really. - No, no... 1169 01:09:12,440 --> 01:09:14,874 Honestly, I don't mind. It'll be a pleasure, really. 1170 01:09:14,960 --> 01:09:17,394 - Oh, no, sir. - Now, look, I absolutely insist. 1171 01:09:17,480 --> 01:09:18,833 There we are. Get hold of that. 1172 01:09:18,920 --> 01:09:22,356 Now, pop it in the old rumpo, shall we? Now, get it in quick, don't mess about. 1173 01:09:24,360 --> 01:09:25,759 Whoop! Oh, I say! 1174 01:09:25,840 --> 01:09:27,319 Oh my golly! 1175 01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:29,038 Excuse me. 1176 01:09:31,240 --> 01:09:32,878 Excuse me butting in, Doctor. 1177 01:09:32,960 --> 01:09:36,032 I know it's irregular, but I wonder if I might have a word with Symie? 1178 01:09:36,120 --> 01:09:39,999 Oh, well, we were just having a chat ourselves. Didn't mean to be irregular. 1179 01:09:41,240 --> 01:09:42,992 Hello, Tommy. 1180 01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:45,674 This is private. Could you come with me in the corridor? 1181 01:09:45,760 --> 01:09:49,150 No necessity. I was just about to go out myself. Excuse me, won't you? 1182 01:09:49,240 --> 01:09:52,357 I... won't... won't be long. I'm... just gonna have a... you know. 1183 01:09:54,400 --> 01:09:56,197 Ooh! What the devil..? 1184 01:09:56,280 --> 01:09:59,590 - What was in that? - Er... Only an anti-flu injection, sir. 1185 01:09:59,680 --> 01:10:02,956 And what leads you to suppose that I'm in need of an anti-flu injection? 1186 01:10:03,040 --> 01:10:04,678 Oh, not much went up... in sir. 1187 01:10:04,760 --> 01:10:07,718 The quantity's immaterial. When I transferred you to Research, 1188 01:10:07,800 --> 01:10:10,473 I hardly expected you to use me as one of your guinea pigs. 1189 01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:11,913 Do I look like a guinea pig? 1190 01:10:12,000 --> 01:10:13,911 No, sir. You look more like a pussy cat. 1191 01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:17,960 Well, that is... It was an accident, sir. 1192 01:10:18,040 --> 01:10:21,077 You've no right to wander round with a loaded syringe in your hand. 1193 01:10:21,160 --> 01:10:22,991 No, sir. Won't happen again, sir. 1194 01:10:23,080 --> 01:10:25,036 I should think not! 1195 01:10:45,200 --> 01:10:47,839 - Hello, Grimmy, ready for the hop? - Yes, of course, sir. 1196 01:10:47,920 --> 01:10:50,150 Don't call me sir! Call me Porker. 1197 01:10:50,240 --> 01:10:52,196 I think we're going to have a ball tonight. 1198 01:10:52,280 --> 01:10:53,554 All right... Porker. 1199 01:10:53,640 --> 01:10:56,108 Do you approve? Thought I'd give the nurses a treat. 1200 01:10:56,200 --> 01:10:57,519 I think you will, sir. 1201 01:10:57,600 --> 01:11:02,116 The kilt has certain considerable advantages. Especially if a chap's got sexy knees. 1202 01:11:02,200 --> 01:11:03,679 Are you feeling all right, sir? 1203 01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:06,513 Never felt better. Ready for a hard day's night. 1204 01:11:06,600 --> 01:11:08,591 I hope you remembered to bring your flask. 1205 01:11:10,080 --> 01:11:13,277 Makes the orangeade taste better and makes the nurses friendlier. 1206 01:11:13,360 --> 01:11:15,316 Never forgot mine when I was a student. 1207 01:11:15,400 --> 01:11:16,879 Nor me, sir. 1208 01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:18,632 Snap! 1209 01:11:19,680 --> 01:11:22,319 I've got some other stuff to make the party go with a swing. 1210 01:11:22,400 --> 01:11:23,355 Oh, what's this, sir? 1211 01:11:23,440 --> 01:11:26,352 It's something new they're experimenting with in Psychiatry. 1212 01:11:26,440 --> 01:11:29,876 It makes everybody roar with laughter and it might make the party very jolly. 1213 01:11:29,960 --> 01:11:32,030 Is it a sort of laughing gas? 1214 01:11:32,120 --> 01:11:33,758 Well... 1215 01:11:34,800 --> 01:11:37,951 Do you think we ought to, sir? It's a bit schoolboyish, isn't it? 1216 01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:41,032 Don't be such an old fuddy-duddy, Grimmy. 1217 01:11:41,120 --> 01:11:43,554 The night's young and so am I, even if you aren't. 1218 01:11:43,640 --> 01:11:45,119 What have you got there? 1219 01:11:48,520 --> 01:11:50,397 Mm. Mmm! 1220 01:11:50,480 --> 01:11:53,392 I'm going to be absolutely irresistible tonight. 1221 01:11:57,560 --> 01:11:58,993 Yes, Porker. 1222 01:12:01,200 --> 01:12:03,156 Take A Look At Me 1223 01:12:11,520 --> 01:12:12,999 You're looking after Matron? 1224 01:12:13,080 --> 01:12:16,390 Well, Dr. Grimsdyke said I ought to. 1225 01:12:45,120 --> 01:12:47,270 Stuff that under the desk. 1226 01:12:47,360 --> 01:12:50,193 If anybody asks what it is, say it's prizes. 1227 01:12:50,280 --> 01:12:51,872 Prizes, yeah. Shall I turn it on now? 1228 01:12:51,960 --> 01:12:54,838 No, no, no. Wait till the party starts flagging a bit. 1229 01:13:04,640 --> 01:13:06,870 Come and have a little run around with me. 1230 01:13:20,720 --> 01:13:23,393 - Miles. Miles, I've got to talk to you. - What do you want now? 1231 01:13:23,480 --> 01:13:25,914 It's... It's Sir Lancelot, he's had my Dextranome 90. 1232 01:13:26,000 --> 01:13:30,232 - What?! What did you want to give it to him for? - It was an accident, you fool! 1233 01:13:30,320 --> 01:13:34,279 You better keep your eye on him. He might try and swipe your girlfriend. 1234 01:14:06,160 --> 01:14:09,630 - Are you not dancing, Doctor? - No, I've only just arrived. 1235 01:14:09,720 --> 01:14:12,280 - Anyway, it's not my kind of dance. - I'll show you how. 1236 01:14:12,360 --> 01:14:14,635 - No, no, I can't do this. - I'd love to teach you. 1237 01:14:14,720 --> 01:14:16,551 - No, no, look... - It's quite simple. 1238 01:14:16,640 --> 01:14:19,438 - I'm a foxtrot man, really. - Well, we'll do the shake. 1239 01:14:19,520 --> 01:14:21,476 Come on. 1240 01:14:30,200 --> 01:14:32,191 Come on, let's go and change the music. 1241 01:14:32,280 --> 01:14:34,157 I'll shake him, I tell you. 1242 01:14:40,320 --> 01:14:43,437 Put on some Scottish country dancing. This party needs livening up. 1243 01:14:43,520 --> 01:14:45,988 - Yes, sir. - Come on, Grimmy, you can be in my set. 1244 01:14:46,080 --> 01:14:48,036 What? Oh. 1245 01:15:40,720 --> 01:15:42,312 Hello, Matron. 1246 01:15:45,800 --> 01:15:49,190 Oh! It's thirsty work watching all this dancing. 1247 01:15:49,280 --> 01:15:50,235 It is. 1248 01:15:50,320 --> 01:15:52,834 I wonder if I might have a little orangeade, Sister? 1249 01:15:53,880 --> 01:15:55,677 Sister! 1250 01:15:55,760 --> 01:15:57,273 Certainly, Matron. 1251 01:16:00,560 --> 01:16:05,873 Well, certainly. If she wants a drink, she can have one. A fresh one. 1252 01:16:05,960 --> 01:16:08,713 Good evening, Sister. Are you having a good time? 1253 01:16:08,800 --> 01:16:09,994 Hardly. 1254 01:16:14,600 --> 01:16:16,556 Ah, thank you. 1255 01:16:29,400 --> 01:16:31,197 Sister! 1256 01:16:31,280 --> 01:16:33,032 These drinks have been doctored! 1257 01:16:34,120 --> 01:16:36,588 I smell trouble, Grimmy. Turn on the doings. 1258 01:16:36,680 --> 01:16:38,636 - What, do you mean now? - Yes. 1259 01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:43,316 Stop the music! 1260 01:16:44,520 --> 01:16:46,272 Turn that gramophone thing off! 1261 01:16:48,520 --> 01:16:50,317 Silence! 1262 01:16:54,560 --> 01:16:55,629 Silence! 1263 01:16:57,760 --> 01:17:00,274 Ladies... 1264 01:17:00,360 --> 01:17:03,397 and I will not say "gentlemen", under the circumstances. 1265 01:17:03,480 --> 01:17:06,313 It has come to my attention 1266 01:17:06,400 --> 01:17:11,076 that alcohol has been added to the teetotal beverages provided for this function. 1267 01:17:12,160 --> 01:17:16,119 I am aware of the infantile pranks of medical students... 1268 01:17:19,280 --> 01:17:20,952 I beg your pardon?! 1269 01:17:25,760 --> 01:17:27,478 As I was saying... 1270 01:17:29,200 --> 01:17:31,156 ...I am aware... 1271 01:17:33,160 --> 01:17:35,116 ...of the infantile pranks... 1272 01:17:37,880 --> 01:17:39,836 ...of medical students! 1273 01:17:45,640 --> 01:17:47,596 This behavior... 1274 01:17:48,880 --> 01:17:50,632 ...is disgraceful... 1275 01:17:51,680 --> 01:17:53,636 ...disgusting, disinfect! 1276 01:18:01,240 --> 01:18:03,196 And... And it is something... 1277 01:18:04,800 --> 01:18:07,075 ...either nye... neither I... 1278 01:18:09,760 --> 01:18:11,398 ...nor the medical authorities... 1279 01:18:12,440 --> 01:18:14,396 ...will tolerate for one moment! 1280 01:19:09,640 --> 01:19:13,110 There's nothing like a drop of gas to make the party come alive. 1281 01:19:14,400 --> 01:19:16,231 Oh, dear old Porker! 1282 01:19:17,440 --> 01:19:20,079 How nice to hear the young enjoying themselves. 1283 01:19:20,160 --> 01:19:21,559 It's gone 11, Dean. 1284 01:19:21,640 --> 01:19:24,552 Yes, I think we must close the jollities shortly. 1285 01:19:29,720 --> 01:19:31,631 Oh, it's awful! It's awful! 1286 01:19:32,720 --> 01:19:35,473 - I wouldn't eat that to save my life! - No, nor would I. 1287 01:19:44,560 --> 01:19:46,949 Look! This is outrageous! 1288 01:19:47,040 --> 01:19:48,837 Is it? Yes, I suppose it is. 1289 01:19:49,920 --> 01:19:52,673 They're playing our tune! Come on, Matron. 1290 01:19:56,600 --> 01:19:58,556 It's marvelous. 1291 01:21:07,640 --> 01:21:10,074 Marvelous! Marvelous! 1292 01:21:10,160 --> 01:21:13,038 The sick and dying are doing their best to get a bit of kip 1293 01:21:13,120 --> 01:21:15,236 and there's a bacchanalian orgy going on! 1294 01:21:16,640 --> 01:21:18,790 What are you doing out of bed, Wendover? 1295 01:21:21,000 --> 01:21:25,198 There's a lot of people back there doing their best to get a bit of rest. 1296 01:21:28,160 --> 01:21:30,276 Look, it's no laughing matter, you know. 1297 01:21:30,360 --> 01:21:33,193 I'm asking you... I'm asking you as a humanitar... 1298 01:21:37,600 --> 01:21:39,556 No, no! Ooh! 1299 01:21:41,400 --> 01:21:43,356 You can't! You can't! 1300 01:21:46,680 --> 01:21:49,558 Ooh, I shouldn't be laughing like this, I've got a weak heart. 1301 01:21:49,640 --> 01:21:51,596 Ooh, my heart! 1302 01:22:03,040 --> 01:22:04,996 Mm? 1303 01:22:07,840 --> 01:22:09,592 Oh dear. 1304 01:22:09,680 --> 01:22:11,636 Morning, sir. Morning. 1305 01:22:18,120 --> 01:22:20,076 How are you feeling? 1306 01:22:21,200 --> 01:22:23,156 Hm? 1307 01:22:25,600 --> 01:22:28,717 I feel as if my head's been trepanned with a boathook. 1308 01:22:28,800 --> 01:22:30,552 You're lucky. I haven't even got a head. 1309 01:22:31,600 --> 01:22:34,831 You're over a ton. 101, to be precise. 1310 01:22:34,920 --> 01:22:39,038 Rubbish. Must be broken. I've never known a normal hangover produce that. 1311 01:22:39,120 --> 01:22:40,872 You've probably got the flu. 1312 01:22:40,960 --> 01:22:42,473 There's a lot of it about, you know. 1313 01:22:42,560 --> 01:22:44,516 I never get flu. 1314 01:22:45,600 --> 01:22:48,398 Besides, you gave me an injection against it, didn't you? 1315 01:22:48,480 --> 01:22:50,311 What? 1316 01:22:50,400 --> 01:22:52,356 Oh, yes. 1317 01:22:52,440 --> 01:22:56,513 Oh, I'd forgotten about that. Perhaps it was all those draughts blowing up your kilt. 1318 01:22:56,600 --> 01:22:58,192 Don't be impertinent. 1319 01:22:59,280 --> 01:23:00,838 How did I get home? 1320 01:23:00,920 --> 01:23:02,831 I brought you. 1321 01:23:02,920 --> 01:23:04,956 By car? 1322 01:23:05,040 --> 01:23:07,429 No. By operating trolley. 1323 01:23:07,520 --> 01:23:09,476 Ooh. 1324 01:23:10,640 --> 01:23:14,076 Did I dream it or did I dance the black bottom with Matron last night? 1325 01:23:14,160 --> 01:23:16,116 You certainly didn't dream it. 1326 01:23:16,200 --> 01:23:19,636 You finished up giving her a dirty great tickly wet kiss. 1327 01:23:19,720 --> 01:23:21,551 Ooh, it was nasty, it was. 1328 01:23:21,640 --> 01:23:23,551 I see. 1329 01:23:23,640 --> 01:23:29,112 And I didn't dream that she thanked me for my note and a bouquet of flowers? 1330 01:23:29,200 --> 01:23:32,476 She couldn't have. You didn't send her a note or any flowers. 1331 01:23:33,520 --> 01:23:35,238 But she quoted at me... 1332 01:23:35,320 --> 01:23:38,790 "Ever since you walked into the hospital, my life has changed. 1333 01:23:38,880 --> 01:23:41,553 I'm dancing on daffodils. " 1334 01:23:42,600 --> 01:23:45,478 No, sir, no. That was Lambert Symington. 1335 01:23:45,560 --> 01:23:48,916 Ooh, I shall never laugh again, you know, as long as I live. 1336 01:23:50,320 --> 01:23:51,594 Didn't she guess? 1337 01:23:52,640 --> 01:23:54,676 No. Did you write his name clearly? 1338 01:23:54,760 --> 01:23:58,070 No, I just put the initials on. More intriguing, don't you think, sir? 1339 01:23:58,160 --> 01:24:01,391 I do not. They also happen to be my initials. 1340 01:24:02,600 --> 01:24:05,194 Oh. I never thought of that. 1341 01:24:05,280 --> 01:24:06,793 What are you going to do, sir? 1342 01:24:06,880 --> 01:24:10,395 Well, unless you come up with a better suggestion, I propose shooting myself. 1343 01:24:10,480 --> 01:24:11,913 Oh, I wouldn't do that, sir. 1344 01:24:12,000 --> 01:24:13,513 No. It's terribly dangerous. 1345 01:24:13,600 --> 01:24:15,272 I'll think of something. 1346 01:24:15,360 --> 01:24:16,839 At least I'll try. 1347 01:24:18,440 --> 01:24:21,238 I do wish they'd get quieter bells, I really do. 1348 01:24:21,320 --> 01:24:22,833 Might be her now, sir. 1349 01:24:24,280 --> 01:24:25,998 Who? 1350 01:24:26,080 --> 01:24:29,516 Oh, it's er... Hold on a moment. Dr. Grimsdyke, sir. 1351 01:24:29,600 --> 01:24:31,318 Not me. My cousin. 1352 01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:32,879 Excuse me. 1353 01:24:32,960 --> 01:24:34,791 - I feel really terrible. - Yes? 1354 01:24:34,880 --> 01:24:37,110 It's about Wendover, Sir Lancelot. 1355 01:24:37,200 --> 01:24:40,954 Yes, all right. Better be on the safe side. Operate immediately. 1356 01:24:41,040 --> 01:24:42,393 Yes, you! 1357 01:24:44,520 --> 01:24:49,435 Because I happen to be in bed with influenza and a high temperature, that's why. 1358 01:24:49,520 --> 01:24:52,876 The television people will have to point their cameras at you! 1359 01:25:14,000 --> 01:25:18,232 Obits media. This term means inflammation of the middle ear. 1360 01:25:18,320 --> 01:25:21,392 Hey, did you know your ear hole was connected to your throat? 1361 01:25:21,480 --> 01:25:24,517 It's got it in here, look. There's a funny little... 1362 01:25:24,600 --> 01:25:27,194 We've just had another look at these new X-rays of yours. 1363 01:25:27,280 --> 01:25:30,078 - Oh, yeah? Any good, are they? - We've located the trouble. 1364 01:25:30,160 --> 01:25:32,720 It's about time, innit? I suppose it's bad news, is it? 1365 01:25:32,800 --> 01:25:36,076 You needn't be frightened to give it to me. I can take it. I'm not a coward. 1366 01:25:36,160 --> 01:25:38,993 - I didn't get my medals for nothing. - It means an operation. 1367 01:25:39,080 --> 01:25:41,548 - Where are you going? - There's nothing wrong with me. 1368 01:25:41,640 --> 01:25:44,393 There's a great deal wrong. If we don't operate immediately, 1369 01:25:44,480 --> 01:25:46,232 it could develop into something nasty. 1370 01:25:46,320 --> 01:25:48,914 That's what I thought when I first saw that fella. 1371 01:25:49,000 --> 01:25:51,070 I said, "He won't be here long," I said. 1372 01:25:51,160 --> 01:25:53,469 "His number's in the frame. He'll be going soon. " 1373 01:25:53,560 --> 01:25:55,516 Look, I wish you'd shut up. 1374 01:25:56,720 --> 01:25:58,392 This operation, is it going to hurt? 1375 01:25:58,480 --> 01:26:01,870 No, it's nothing to worry about, if you give us permission to operate. 1376 01:26:01,960 --> 01:26:04,918 - Right. - Good man. 1377 01:26:05,000 --> 01:26:07,195 I'll see you later. 1378 01:26:07,280 --> 01:26:10,511 I'll have a pencil and paper, Nurse, if you don't mind. 1379 01:26:10,600 --> 01:26:12,556 I think I'll make my will out. 1380 01:26:13,920 --> 01:26:16,070 And I'm not going to leave you anything. 1381 01:26:16,160 --> 01:26:17,479 You've nothing to leave. 1382 01:26:17,560 --> 01:26:19,198 Oh, no? 1383 01:26:20,240 --> 01:26:22,196 Being of sound mind and limb, 1384 01:26:23,440 --> 01:26:26,113 I hereby bequeath my brain to the hospital... 1385 01:26:27,800 --> 01:26:29,916 ...for medical research. 1386 01:26:30,000 --> 01:26:32,514 Yeah. And they'll put it in a bottle. 1387 01:26:52,000 --> 01:26:54,753 Doctor, you must stop them, they're ruining my theatre. 1388 01:26:54,840 --> 01:26:57,070 - Who's in charge? - That man. 1389 01:26:57,160 --> 01:26:59,958 Excuse me, I'm Dr. Grimsdyke. 1390 01:27:00,040 --> 01:27:02,508 You can't have all this... all this stuff in here. 1391 01:27:02,600 --> 01:27:04,670 Hm? Don't worry, we shan't get in the way. 1392 01:27:04,760 --> 01:27:06,716 Grimsdyke? Oh, yes, the understudy. 1393 01:27:06,800 --> 01:27:09,598 Hm, never mind. Look, I'll tell you what I want you to do. 1394 01:27:09,680 --> 01:27:13,036 - You've got to get all this equipment out of here. - Yes. 1395 01:27:13,120 --> 01:27:16,999 In television we like to be unobtrusive, so we'll have Camera 1 above the table 1396 01:27:17,080 --> 01:27:19,435 so that we can zoom into the bowels, as it were, 1397 01:27:19,520 --> 01:27:22,796 while Camera 2 dollies up and down catching all the vital movements 1398 01:27:22,880 --> 01:27:27,158 of the hands, of the knives, of the oxygen machine - breathing in, out, in, out. 1399 01:27:27,240 --> 01:27:31,313 And I shall want lots of close-ups of your eyes. All-important the eyes, you know. 1400 01:27:31,400 --> 01:27:33,550 I want you to express everything with your eyes. 1401 01:27:33,640 --> 01:27:36,632 "Am I cutting in the right place? Am I using the right scalpel? 1402 01:27:36,720 --> 01:27:38,392 Will the patient live? Will he die?" 1403 01:27:38,480 --> 01:27:41,392 But of course he mustn't die, because this is a live programme. 1404 01:27:41,480 --> 01:27:44,756 Is all this equipment disinfected? 1405 01:27:44,840 --> 01:27:47,400 This is the 22nd programme in the present series. 1406 01:27:47,480 --> 01:27:50,199 Have a word with Make-up, will you, there's a dear fellow? 1407 01:27:50,280 --> 01:27:53,477 We might have to touch up the eyebrows and build up the nose a bit. 1408 01:27:53,560 --> 01:27:55,357 Come along, Sarah. 1409 01:27:55,440 --> 01:27:56,793 Pity. 1410 01:28:17,840 --> 01:28:20,434 As the patient is wheeled into the theatre, one can sense, 1411 01:28:20,520 --> 01:28:23,751 even though it is an everyday occurrence, a certain tenseness growing, 1412 01:28:23,840 --> 01:28:25,910 as if it were the start of a race or a first night. 1413 01:28:26,000 --> 01:28:29,072 But outwardly, the surgeon, the doctors and nurses appear, 1414 01:28:29,160 --> 01:28:31,594 as they undoubtedly are calm and efficient 1415 01:28:31,680 --> 01:28:36,754 so that this tension is not communicated to the patient who ideally remains as calm as they... 1416 01:28:36,840 --> 01:28:39,035 - Where the devil have you been? - Never mind that. 1417 01:28:39,120 --> 01:28:41,918 - What's all these cameras doing in here? - Don't worry. 1418 01:28:42,000 --> 01:28:45,310 - Your operation's appearing on television. - Oh, is it? 1419 01:28:45,400 --> 01:28:46,879 Oh, great. 1420 01:28:46,960 --> 01:28:49,394 - Right, who do I see about my fees, then? - Your fees?! 1421 01:28:49,480 --> 01:28:51,630 I know what they get. Plus repeats. I know my... 1422 01:28:51,720 --> 01:28:53,119 Camera 2... 1423 01:28:54,000 --> 01:28:55,831 hold on... hold on the pretty nurse. 1424 01:28:56,880 --> 01:28:58,074 But as is happening now, 1425 01:28:58,160 --> 01:29:00,071 sometimes the sight of the TV cameras... 1426 01:29:00,160 --> 01:29:03,755 helps the patient even more by taking his mind off the coming ordeal. 1427 01:29:04,800 --> 01:29:07,792 What's all this about an ordeal? You told me it wouldn't hurt. 1428 01:29:07,880 --> 01:29:10,952 - Will you get on that table at once? - Not on your nelly. 1429 01:29:11,040 --> 01:29:14,077 With all this going on? I don't have to get on here if I don't want to. 1430 01:29:14,160 --> 01:29:18,438 You can't make me. There's not a living soul that can make me get on that table. 1431 01:29:24,400 --> 01:29:26,356 If I don't want to. 1432 01:29:37,760 --> 01:29:40,513 - What's all this for, then? - Just going to put you to sleep. 1433 01:29:40,600 --> 01:29:41,794 You won't feel a thing. 1434 01:29:41,880 --> 01:29:43,472 You better give me a full dose. 1435 01:29:43,560 --> 01:29:46,836 Give me slightly more than the full dose. I'm a bit resilient to all this. 1436 01:29:46,920 --> 01:29:50,469 You had to be during the war, with all that shrapnel coming at you. 1437 01:29:50,560 --> 01:29:54,075 What camera are we on? Anybody know what camera we're on? What camera are we on? 1438 01:29:54,160 --> 01:29:56,116 Anybody know what... 1439 01:30:03,000 --> 01:30:04,752 Now the surgeon will make his first cut. 1440 01:30:04,840 --> 01:30:09,152 No hesitation, no indecision, just a clean, deep cut 1441 01:30:09,240 --> 01:30:10,798 exactly in the right place. 1442 01:30:10,880 --> 01:30:13,917 Steady on, Godfrey, you're making me feel quite sick. 1443 01:30:15,520 --> 01:30:16,714 Sister, scalpel. 1444 01:30:20,840 --> 01:30:22,068 Good. 1445 01:30:23,120 --> 01:30:25,031 Scalpel. 1446 01:30:25,120 --> 01:30:26,633 Forceps. 1447 01:30:26,720 --> 01:30:30,474 No3 scalpel. Good 1448 01:30:30,560 --> 01:30:32,915 Good. Deeper, man, deeper! 1449 01:30:33,000 --> 01:30:34,638 Come. 1450 01:30:36,480 --> 01:30:37,993 Good evening, Lancelot. 1451 01:30:39,960 --> 01:30:41,029 Let me do that. 1452 01:30:44,640 --> 01:30:46,596 There. 1453 01:30:48,720 --> 01:30:51,518 I know exactly how you feel about me, Lancelot. 1454 01:30:51,600 --> 01:30:55,115 It was courageous and noble of you to make it so clear in your letters and notes. 1455 01:30:55,200 --> 01:30:58,272 But I don't think you really understand, Matron. 1456 01:30:58,360 --> 01:31:01,193 Oh, yes, I do. And I'm deeply grateful. 1457 01:31:02,600 --> 01:31:04,352 But I'm afraid it won't work. 1458 01:31:05,920 --> 01:31:07,194 It won't work? 1459 01:31:07,280 --> 01:31:09,032 No. 1460 01:31:09,120 --> 01:31:10,917 I am married already. 1461 01:31:11,000 --> 01:31:14,390 I have been married for the last 20 years to my work as a nurse. 1462 01:31:14,480 --> 01:31:16,675 I couldn't give that up, Lancelot. 1463 01:31:16,760 --> 01:31:18,193 Not even for you. 1464 01:31:18,280 --> 01:31:20,236 And I would be the last to wish you so to do. 1465 01:31:20,320 --> 01:31:24,438 Well, it would be hardly fair to you to have me always around, 1466 01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:26,272 so near but untouchable. 1467 01:31:26,360 --> 01:31:28,874 It would be absolutely intolerable. 1468 01:31:28,960 --> 01:31:31,599 I think you'd better leave at once. 1469 01:31:31,680 --> 01:31:35,593 I know of a post at the Royal Northern Infirmary in Inverness. 1470 01:31:35,680 --> 01:31:38,513 I shall recommend you for it, should you so wish. 1471 01:31:38,600 --> 01:31:42,070 Lancelot. Another sacrifice on your part. 1472 01:31:42,160 --> 01:31:43,991 You're almost making me change my mind. 1473 01:31:44,080 --> 01:31:46,036 Oh, no, don't. No, don't, don't. 1474 01:31:46,120 --> 01:31:49,635 You have your vocation, stick to it. And I'll stick to mine. 1475 01:31:50,680 --> 01:31:55,231 You're getting too excited. I'll tuck you in and then off to sleep. 1476 01:31:56,280 --> 01:32:00,796 And who knows, sweet dreams of what might have been. 1477 01:32:03,360 --> 01:32:05,316 Bless you. 1478 01:32:07,560 --> 01:32:09,516 Good night, Lancelot. 1479 01:32:20,680 --> 01:32:22,716 - Good morning, Janine. - Good morning. 1480 01:32:23,800 --> 01:32:27,110 You're looking particularly lovely this morning, if I may say so. 1481 01:32:27,200 --> 01:32:29,395 You may. And I have a good reason to be. 1482 01:32:29,480 --> 01:32:32,153 Engaged?! Who to? 1483 01:32:32,240 --> 01:32:34,196 Lambert Symington, of course. 1484 01:32:34,960 --> 01:32:38,191 You can't be serious. Do you realize what you're missing? 1485 01:32:40,120 --> 01:32:42,554 I happen to know there are others interested in you. 1486 01:32:42,640 --> 01:32:45,108 - Who? - One of the doctors here. 1487 01:32:45,200 --> 01:32:47,430 Brilliant chap. Brilliant. 1488 01:32:47,520 --> 01:32:49,909 In line for one of the best jobs in the hospital. 1489 01:32:50,000 --> 01:32:52,309 He's um... He's handsome, 1490 01:32:52,400 --> 01:32:54,595 intellectual, 1491 01:32:54,680 --> 01:32:56,830 charming, 1492 01:32:56,920 --> 01:32:58,353 mature... 1493 01:32:59,640 --> 01:33:01,551 And he happens to be madly in love with you. 1494 01:33:02,720 --> 01:33:05,075 Tell him I'm not interested. 1495 01:33:05,160 --> 01:33:06,752 Tell him I'm in love with Symie. 1496 01:33:06,840 --> 01:33:08,796 And tell him I'm very sorry. 1497 01:33:10,000 --> 01:33:11,274 I see. 1498 01:33:11,360 --> 01:33:13,749 He'll get over it much quicker than you think. 1499 01:33:31,280 --> 01:33:33,748 - Dr. Grimsdyke? - Yes, sir? 1500 01:33:33,840 --> 01:33:35,478 It's about this job of mine. 1501 01:33:35,560 --> 01:33:39,838 Yes, sir. I've decided to step aside and let my cousin have it. 1502 01:33:39,920 --> 01:33:41,956 That's what I wanted to say. He's got it. 1503 01:33:43,720 --> 01:33:44,914 So the best man won. 1504 01:33:45,000 --> 01:33:46,718 Don't take it too hard. 1505 01:33:46,800 --> 01:33:50,156 It's not only that your qualifications weren't quite up to the mark 1506 01:33:50,240 --> 01:33:54,153 but, well, with a responsible job like this, you look much too young. 1507 01:34:04,480 --> 01:34:07,995 Oh, good morning, Sir Lancelot. They tell me it was touch and go. 1508 01:34:08,080 --> 01:34:11,789 Hardly that, Wendover, but the surgeon made a first-class job of it. 1509 01:34:11,880 --> 01:34:16,715 And, incidentally, he asked me to give you this as a sort of memento of the occasion. 1510 01:34:18,200 --> 01:34:19,872 I hope it brings you luck. 1511 01:34:20,960 --> 01:34:23,315 Very exciting it was on the telly. 1512 01:34:23,400 --> 01:34:26,358 Very exciting. We all thought you were going to kick the bucket. 1513 01:34:26,440 --> 01:34:28,670 Well, you had another think coming, then. 1514 01:34:28,760 --> 01:34:31,433 Jerry couldn't do it, so I'm sure they couldn't. 1515 01:34:32,520 --> 01:34:34,033 Look at that piece of shrapnel. 1516 01:34:34,120 --> 01:34:37,192 The man on TV said it was a loose filling from your tooth. 1517 01:34:39,560 --> 01:34:43,712 Oh, did he? Well, he didn't know what he was talking about. A fat lot he knew. 1518 01:34:43,800 --> 01:34:47,315 I know what that is. That's a bit of 20mm howitzer, that is. 1519 01:34:47,400 --> 01:34:49,152 I should know, I was a rear gunner. 1520 01:34:49,240 --> 01:34:51,515 Yeah, he ought to know, he was a gunner. 1521 01:34:51,600 --> 01:34:54,353 You'll be a goner an' all if you don't pack up. 1522 01:34:54,440 --> 01:34:56,908 You know what I'm going to do with that? 1523 01:34:57,000 --> 01:35:00,993 I think I'll have that mounted on a bit of polished mahogany, that. 1524 01:35:01,080 --> 01:35:02,638 That can stand up on my mantelpiece 1525 01:35:02,720 --> 01:35:06,315 next to the propeller of that American plane that I shot down. 1526 01:35:06,400 --> 01:35:09,198 That can be a permanent monument to a brave British soldier 1527 01:35:09,280 --> 01:35:13,831 what nearly lost his life... defending the likes of you, 1528 01:35:13,920 --> 01:35:16,639 with your miserable water on the knees, 1529 01:35:16,720 --> 01:35:20,508 and you, with your chalky white balls in your ear holes. 1530 01:35:26,760 --> 01:35:29,399 Good morning, Matron. Settling in comfortably? 1531 01:35:29,480 --> 01:35:32,153 - Yes, thank you, Sir Lancelot. - Delighted to hear it. 1532 01:35:32,240 --> 01:35:34,879 Matron. Excuse me, these are for you. 1533 01:35:34,960 --> 01:35:36,393 For me? 1534 01:35:36,480 --> 01:35:38,436 Oh, put them in my office, will you? 1535 01:35:41,720 --> 01:35:46,635 "My pulse rate is over 100 since you arrived. GG." 1536 01:35:47,920 --> 01:35:50,878 Gaston Grimsdyke, at your service. 1537 01:35:56,040 --> 01:35:57,632 What has happened to Tweetypie? 1538 01:35:57,720 --> 01:36:01,235 I gave instructions for it to be removed, Sir Lancelot. Most unhygienic. 1539 01:36:01,320 --> 01:36:03,834 Doubtless you were unaware, my dear Matron, 1540 01:36:03,920 --> 01:36:07,390 that I have previously given instructions that he should stay. 1541 01:36:07,480 --> 01:36:09,675 I'm sure I don't have to remind you, Sir Lancelot, 1542 01:36:09,760 --> 01:36:12,320 that I am responsible for the wards of this hospital. 1543 01:36:12,400 --> 01:36:14,356 Very good, Matron. 1544 01:36:19,080 --> 01:36:22,311 - I have another job for you to do. - I've already started, sir. 1545 01:36:23,360 --> 01:36:25,316 Good day, Matron. 1546 01:36:28,800 --> 01:36:32,315 Matron, how would you suggest we get my pulse rate down? 1547 01:36:32,400 --> 01:36:34,356 Shall we talk about it? 1548 01:36:35,440 --> 01:36:36,714 Itfc subtitles 1549 01:36:46,715 --> 01:36:49,515 Ripped by: SkyFury 125561

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