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1
00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:09,618
Hi, guys.
2
00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:19,236
Well, haven't we been
a busy little bee.
3
00:00:21,717 --> 00:00:26,069
Karen, honey,
is there something
you'd like to tell Mommy?
4
00:00:26,156 --> 00:00:29,029
This is a pregnancy
empathy belly I got
from my health teacher.
5
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,943
I have to wear it
for a class project.
6
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,468
Oh, I've heard about
those empathy pads.
7
00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:35,948
It helps you
to know what it's like
to feel pregnant, right?
8
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,863
You know, weight gain,
breast enlargement,
9
00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:41,084
even presses against
your bladder so you
have to pee all the time.
10
00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:43,826
Sounds like fun
for the whole family
11
00:00:43,913 --> 00:00:46,959
Yeah well, it is not fun.
I mean, this thing
weighs a ton.
12
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,874
No wonder Mom's
so tired all the time.
13
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:51,486
I've only had it on for
an hour and it's killing me.
14
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:53,923
Man, chicks are such wimps.
15
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:55,664
[STAMMERS]
Uh, JT...
16
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:03,759
Honestly, JT,
"chicks are wimps?"
17
00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:06,718
I mean, that's probably
the dumbest thing
I've ever heard you say.
18
00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:09,678
[SCOFFS]
That's cause you're not
around him that much.
19
00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:13,029
Come on, Carol.
Being pregnant is
no big deal, all right.
20
00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:15,727
Women just
milk it for sympathy.
21
00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:18,295
I think I'll just
step way over here.
22
00:01:20,384 --> 00:01:22,082
Listen, cave boy,
23
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:25,694
men wouldn't last 48 hours
if they had to be pregnant.
24
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:27,435
[SCOFFS]
Wanna bet?
25
00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:30,351
Oh, yeah.
26
00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:32,962
Ooh, I'll take
a piece of that action.
27
00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:36,270
All right, fine, fine.
Name your stakes.
28
00:01:36,357 --> 00:01:39,099
All right, let's see.
29
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:41,057
How about this? All right...
30
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:45,148
The loser has to kneel
in front of the winner
31
00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:48,717
and say,
"I am the weaker sex.
32
00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:51,198
"You are far superior.
33
00:01:51,285 --> 00:01:54,201
I bow down before you
and kiss your feet."
34
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:55,289
[KISSES IN AIR]
35
00:01:56,725 --> 00:01:58,205
Fine, you're on.
36
00:01:58,292 --> 00:02:00,337
I'll wear the pad
this weekend.
And so will Dad.
37
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:03,471
Hey, hey, whoa, whoa!
38
00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:06,387
What is this "Dad" stuff?
You don't have
to drag me into this?
39
00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:08,911
What's the matter, Frank?
Don't you think
40
00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:12,697
a big, strong, man like you
could handle being pregnant
for one little weekend?
41
00:02:12,784 --> 00:02:14,569
Well, I--
I could handle it.
42
00:02:14,656 --> 00:02:15,961
CAROL: Then it's a bet?
FRANK: Yeah...
43
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:20,966
Oh, no.
Okay, it's a bet.
44
00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:24,013
All right, it's on!
45
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:28,322
By this Sunday night,
you guys will be
kissing our feet.
46
00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:30,324
[LAUGHS MOCKINGLY]
We'll see about that.
47
00:02:30,411 --> 00:02:32,587
Yeah, I'll get two pads
from school tomorrow.
48
00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:35,981
Fine, fine, but make sure
mine has big boobs.
49
00:02:36,068 --> 00:02:38,114
If I'm gonna be a chick,
I want to be stacked.
50
00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:46,035
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
51
00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:51,301
MAN: ♪ The dream got broken
52
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,173
♪ Seemed like all was lost
53
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,087
♪ What would be the future?
54
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,828
♪ Could you pay the cost?
55
00:02:56,915 --> 00:02:57,916
♪ You wonder
56
00:02:58,003 --> 00:02:59,744
♪ Will there ever be
57
00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:01,703
♪ A second time around?
58
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,793
WOMAN: ♪ Woah-a, woah-a
59
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,621
♪ When the tears are over
60
00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:08,710
♪ And the moment has come
61
00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:12,409
♪ Say, "My Lord
I think I found someone"
62
00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:14,194
♪ You know it will be better
63
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,108
♪ 'Cause you're
putting it together
64
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,068
♪ For the second time around
65
00:03:24,987 --> 00:03:28,120
ALL: ♪ Step by step,
day by day
66
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,079
WOMAN: ♪ Day by day
67
00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:32,429
ALL: ♪ A fresh start over
A different hand to play
68
00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:34,301
♪ The deeper we fall
69
00:03:34,388 --> 00:03:36,346
♪ The stronger we stay
70
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,740
WOMAN:
♪ We'll make it better"
71
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:41,438
MAN:
♪ Second time around ♪
72
00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:04,156
Wow. I sure hope there's
a 58 inch baby in there.
73
00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,119
CODY: Hey, Carol. Hey...
CAROL: Hi.
74
00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:17,561
Have you seen Brendan?
75
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:19,259
Oh, I think he's
up in his room.
76
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,783
Oh, cool. Hey, I've got
a mondo surprise for him.
77
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,350
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
78
00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:25,482
His favorite baseball
player, Kenny Barton,
79
00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,223
he's playing an exhibition
game today in Milwaukee.
80
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,921
And I got two primo tickets.
81
00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:31,706
Is it okay if I take him?
82
00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:33,534
CAROL: Well, sure, that's
really nice of you.
CODY: Cool.
83
00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:36,537
I just, you know,
I wish that Brendan
had a better role model
84
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,365
than Kenny Barton though.
85
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:41,063
Every time I see him on TV,
he's spitting tobacco juice
86
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:44,196
or calling some
female reporter, "babe."
87
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,329
Ah, don't worry
about that, Carol.
88
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:48,418
You know, Brendan doesn't pay
any attention to that stuff.
89
00:04:48,505 --> 00:04:51,813
He just likes
Kenny Barton because
he's an awesome ballplayer.
90
00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:53,728
-Hey, guys, check this out.
-Hey.
91
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:57,079
"Kenny Barton Juicy Chew."
Look what I can do.
92
00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:59,299
[GARGLES SALIVA]
CAROL: Oh...
93
00:05:00,082 --> 00:05:02,171
[SPITS]
94
00:05:02,258 --> 00:05:04,869
Now, I can spit
just like the pros.
95
00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:07,219
Gee, whatta gift.
96
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,310
Hey, dude. Check it out.
I got two tickets
to today's game.
97
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:12,442
-With Kenny Barton?
-You betcha'.
98
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,923
Man, hustle it out
to the van, maybe we
can make batting practice.
99
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,577
BRENDAN: Awesome!
CODY: Yeah.
100
00:05:16,664 --> 00:05:18,405
-Brendan, get--
No, stop--
-[BRENDAN GARGLES SALIVA]
101
00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:19,971
-Brendan-- Oh...
-[BRENDAN SPITS]
102
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:21,799
Later, babe.
103
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:27,936
Uh, yeah, we'll work on
the "babe" thing on the way
to the game, you know.
104
00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:29,633
Yeah, and the spitting, too.
105
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,767
The spitting, too.
No loogies in the kitchen.
106
00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:34,986
Yeah, you got it.
Thank you, Carol.
107
00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:44,431
Let's go, boys.
Get your pregnant
butts down here.
108
00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:48,783
All right, ladies, it's my
pleasure to present that
all-singing, all-dancing,
109
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:53,788
all-pregnant
entertainment duo,
"Francine and Tootie Lambert."
110
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:56,573
[BOOM BOX PLAYING THE STRIPPER]
111
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:36,744
Well, all I can say is,
I have never seen a bigger
pair of boobs in my life.
112
00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:39,616
Yeah, I've got quite
a rack on me, don't I?
113
00:06:39,703 --> 00:06:43,359
If I wasn't
such a gentleman,
I'd be all over myself.
114
00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:47,537
All right, come on.
Honey, I'm tellin' ya,
I love being pregnant.
115
00:06:47,624 --> 00:06:50,148
Come and check this out.
I can watch TV and just
set my beer nuts right there.
116
00:06:51,236 --> 00:06:52,716
This guy kills me.
117
00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:56,372
This is great.
118
00:06:56,459 --> 00:07:00,028
My father and my brother
enjoy dressing up
like pregnant women.
119
00:07:00,115 --> 00:07:02,160
As if I wasn't screwed up
enough already.
120
00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:06,034
Yeah. She thinks
she's got problems?
121
00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:09,472
These guys are
my male role models.
122
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:13,389
Hey, Tootie, what do you say
we just sit back and watch
the ballgame all day, huh?
123
00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:14,782
Sounds great, Francine.
124
00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:20,701
-Not so fast, tubbies.
-What?
125
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:24,356
I have a bunch of errands
for the two of you to run.
126
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,229
Supermarket, hardware store,
dry cleaners.
127
00:07:27,316 --> 00:07:29,231
Hey, no problem.
128
00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,538
Will have these done
and be back before
the game starts.
129
00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:34,062
Let's go. Here we go.
130
00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:36,543
All right. Just get me
out of this whale suit
and we'll be on our way.
131
00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:40,590
FRANK: You got it.
DANA: Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
132
00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:43,941
Mom doesn't get to
take off her "whale suit,"
so neither do you.
133
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:50,600
You don't expect us
to go out in public like this?
134
00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:53,734
Why not? I do.
135
00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:56,432
Yeah, but you're a chick.
136
00:07:57,955 --> 00:07:59,783
So are you
for the next 48 hours.
137
00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:02,525
[DOORBELL RINGS]
138
00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:04,832
[LAUGHS]
Could one of you
ladies get that?
139
00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:07,965
I'll take care of it.
140
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:13,667
[CLEARS THROAT]
141
00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:15,799
Well hello, cutie,
what can I do for you?
142
00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,975
[SCOUT SCREAMS]
Mommy, Mommy!
Scary man!
143
00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:24,852
[PROTESTING LOUDLY]
Well, well, no, no,
no, no, it's --
144
00:08:24,939 --> 00:08:29,509
I don't always
look like a woman.
It's just for the weekend.
145
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,989
WOMAN: Stay away
from my kid, you pervert.
146
00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:39,214
BOTH: Bye, girls.
147
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:43,914
[BOTH GROAN] Ugh!
148
00:08:55,839 --> 00:08:58,146
Man, that was
the coolest game ever.
149
00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:01,453
Kenny Barton hit a home run
and you actually
caught it for me.
150
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,934
Yeah, I only wish I hadn't
caught it with my head.
151
00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:10,332
Okay, dude, this is it:
the players' locker room.
152
00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:14,075
Now just remember, little cuz,
just because these guys
are professional ballplayers,
153
00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:16,381
you know, they're ordinary
"Joes" like you and me.
154
00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:18,862
Right on.
[GASPS]
155
00:09:18,949 --> 00:09:20,821
Dude, you're the shortstop--
156
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:24,302
Wow, way to turn
that double play, huh!
157
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:26,783
Hey, man, you're
the center fielder,
all right--
158
00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:29,003
Way to throw
that guy out at home!
159
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:32,963
Cool! Ah, dude, you're
the groundskeeper, all right--
160
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:34,574
Way to mow that grass, huh!
161
00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:37,838
Hey.
162
00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:41,972
I didn't see Kenny.
163
00:09:42,059 --> 00:09:43,713
Oh, yeah, me neither.
164
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,628
Hey, dude, is
Kenny Barton coming out?
165
00:09:45,715 --> 00:09:47,151
No. He's got an interview
in a few minutes,
166
00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:48,718
then he's probably
gonna slip out the back.
167
00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:50,067
Oh.
168
00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:53,027
Great. Now I can't
get him to sign my ball.
169
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:55,856
Well, why not, dude?
All we got to do is
go inside the locker room.
170
00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,640
Well, and how are
we gonna do that?
171
00:09:57,727 --> 00:09:59,424
There's a guard.
172
00:09:59,511 --> 00:10:01,383
Dude, you just
kick it right there
in the chair, all right.
173
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:03,124
And I distract the guard,
get him away from you,
174
00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:04,778
and then you sneak
into the locker room.
175
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:05,866
Yeah. That will totally work.
176
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:08,042
Cool!
177
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:21,229
[CHOKING]
Help! Help! Dude, ugh!
178
00:10:21,316 --> 00:10:23,013
Hey man, what's going on?
179
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,406
Dude, I'm being mugged!
180
00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:26,669
-Where'd he go?
-Whoa, man.
181
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:30,107
Really big, mean dude.
Hairy. Ugly, wow.
Went that way.
182
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:32,501
Yeah, yeah.
[LAUGHS]
183
00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:37,375
KENNY BARTON: Okay,
yeah, sure. That sounds great.
184
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:40,204
Book me on Letterman,
then call Leno up
and see what he pays.
185
00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:43,512
Right. Oh, and, Sid,
listen, let's get cracking
on that shoe deal, okay.
186
00:10:43,599 --> 00:10:45,688
If those jerks
want Kenny Barton
to be their spokesman,
187
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:48,125
they can pay through
the nose. Yeah. Ciao.
188
00:10:48,865 --> 00:10:50,606
Kenny?
189
00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:51,999
You're looking at him, kid.
190
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:54,131
Wow, you're my favorite player
191
00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:56,568
and I was wondering if
you could sign my baseball.
192
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,266
It's the one you hit
a home run with.
193
00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,007
Sure, kid.
194
00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:03,314
You got fifty bucks?
195
00:11:03,401 --> 00:11:05,926
-For what?
-My autograph.
196
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:08,450
It costs fifty bucks
for your autograph?
197
00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:12,584
Hey, Kenny Barton's signature
is worth a lot of money.
I don't just give it away.
198
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,891
Well, I don't have any money,
199
00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:17,546
but I do think you're
the greatest baseball
player in the whole world.
200
00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:19,417
Yeah, so do I.
201
00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:21,506
That's why I get fifty bucks
for my autograph.
202
00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:23,117
[PHONE RINGING]
203
00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:25,772
Talk to me.
204
00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:28,644
Hey, babe. How ya' doin'?
205
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,428
Nah, nah, no, I'm not busy.
206
00:11:30,515 --> 00:11:32,343
Just some kid here
trying to get a freebie...
207
00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:33,562
[LAUGHS]
208
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,912
Yeah, well, what can I say,
209
00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:41,004
it'd all part of
being a star. Yeah.
210
00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:48,229
[ THREE'S COMPANYTHEME SONG
PLAYING ON TV]
211
00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,100
♪ Door
212
00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:54,322
♪ We've been waiting for you
213
00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:58,239
♪ Hers and hers and his
Three's company too ♪
214
00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:03,505
Mom, I can't believe
you're watching
"Three's Company."
215
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:05,333
Why? I thought
it was a good show.
216
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:08,205
That Chrissy,
she really cracks me up.
217
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:14,821
[CAROL IMITATES
"CHRISSY" CHORTLING]
218
00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:16,779
Let me guess
what this one is about.
219
00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:18,563
The girls are
wearing short-shorts
220
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:21,610
and there's some sort of
wacky misunderstanding.
221
00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:24,395
Oh, all right.
222
00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:26,180
-[SWITCHES TV OFF]
-FRANK: Come on. Uh...
223
00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:30,401
-FRANK: Okay... There...
-[BOTH GRUNTING]
224
00:12:30,488 --> 00:12:33,491
Well, could somebody
help us here? We're
pregnant, you know.
225
00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:38,758
Well, lookie here, Maw...
226
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:40,890
Looks like these big
ol' pregnant men are
plum tuckered out.
227
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,370
My, my.
228
00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:45,503
[FRANK GRUNTING]
CAROL: Okay. [LAUGHING]
229
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:48,898
Man, these pregnancy
pads are torture machines.
230
00:12:48,985 --> 00:12:50,726
My feet are swollen,
my back hurts,
231
00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:52,815
and I had to stop
and pee every ten minutes.
232
00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:57,341
Gee, girls, ready to throw
in the towel, yet, huh?
233
00:12:57,428 --> 00:13:00,040
No, no we're not,
but I think you
cheated, honey.
234
00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:01,737
This thing has to weigh
more-than a baby.
235
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:04,827
And look, my feet
are starting to spread.
236
00:13:04,914 --> 00:13:08,091
Well, rest up,
cause I got some more
errands for you to do.
237
00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:09,658
I want you to-stop
by the Home Center
238
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,225
and pick up the wallpaper
for the baby's room.
239
00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:13,705
And stop by the fruit
stand on Route 32.
240
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,317
I need some watermelons
for Brendan's class party.
241
00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:17,927
Watermelons?
242
00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:20,408
Those are heavy.
Can't they just have raisins?
243
00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:26,066
Nope, watermelons.
Big ones.
244
00:13:26,153 --> 00:13:28,416
So, we'll take these, uh,
groceries into the kitchen,
245
00:13:28,503 --> 00:13:30,722
and you girls let us
know when you're
ready to admit defeat...
246
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:31,941
or kiss them.
247
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:35,815
I got something
for you to kiss.
248
00:13:37,642 --> 00:13:39,122
Oh, they're so cranky.
249
00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:40,515
They must be retaining water.
250
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,477
Come on, speed-bumps,
we got a melon run to make.
251
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:51,961
Man, these double D's
are back breakers.
252
00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:53,876
I got to get a new bra
with some support.
253
00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:56,487
Don't touch them.
254
00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:00,317
I can't believe I used
to like these things.
255
00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:11,851
CODY: Oh, man.
256
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:13,765
Well, Edgar, I tell you,
with all due respect,
257
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,855
I beg to differ
with you, you know.
258
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:19,641
It's tarragon vinegar
not balsamic vinegar
like everybody says,
259
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:21,469
if you want to make
a good bordelaise, you know.
260
00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:23,514
-Whoa, I didn't
know that, man.
-Yeah.
261
00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:25,212
What's the secret
to a good meringue?
262
00:14:25,299 --> 00:14:28,215
Ah, dude. Cream
of tartar, all the way.
263
00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:30,739
-Solid, my brother.
-Totally, man.
264
00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:33,655
Hey, the "B" man's out.
Hey "B" man
what's happening?
265
00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:35,657
I want you to meet
a friend of mine, Edgar.
266
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:37,441
-Edgar, this is
my little cousin, Brendan.
-Hi, Brendan.
267
00:14:37,528 --> 00:14:38,790
Hi, Edgar.
268
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,923
-Hey?
-Come on, Cody,
let's go.
269
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,534
-What's wrong with that?
-Hey, what's up there,
Droopy?
270
00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:47,364
Where's the baseball, man?
I want to check out
the big man's signature.
271
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:49,018
I threw it in the trash.
272
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:50,498
You did? Why?
273
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:52,413
[EDGAR CLEARS THROAT]
274
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:55,198
Kenny said he wouldn't sign it
unless I gave him fifty bucks.
275
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:58,071
[SCOFFS]
What a dill weed!
276
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,944
Come on, Cody,
let's go home now?
277
00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:04,468
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
278
00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:06,296
We are not going home.
279
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:08,342
Fifty bucks! Phew!
280
00:15:08,429 --> 00:15:10,431
Dude, we are going in there
and having a little chat
281
00:15:10,518 --> 00:15:12,694
with Mr. Kenny
"Butt-scratch" Barton.
282
00:15:14,304 --> 00:15:16,611
Hey, uh, Edgar,
dude, man.
283
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:19,396
I hate to impose on
our newly formed friendship
and everything, you know,
284
00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:22,878
but, hey, me and my little
cuz got to get in there
and talk to Kenny Barton.
285
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,706
I'm not supposed
to let people in, Cody.
286
00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:26,838
Ah, I know that, Edgar.
287
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,884
But, uh, he hurt
my little pal here,
and I gotta go in there
288
00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:31,104
and give him
a little verbal thrashing,
if you know what I mean.
289
00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:34,977
In that case, my brother,
go right in.
290
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:37,197
-I hate that punk.
-Yeah.
291
00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:39,373
HARMON:
You really tagged the ball
in the bottom of the ninth.
292
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:41,462
What were you thinking
about when you went
up to homeplate?
293
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,812
Well, Harmon, I'll tell you,
I was just trying
to stay focused,
294
00:15:43,899 --> 00:15:48,034
you know, wait for my pitch.
But most of all, I was
thinking about my fans.
295
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:51,124
Yeah, what a crock
of bat guano.
296
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:53,169
[SCOFFS]
297
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:56,912
Dude, you don't give
a flying "Fig Newton"
about your fans.
298
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,436
Uh, pal, we're...
we're on the air.
299
00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:03,310
Oh, good, then all those folks
at home will know what
a lying saccow chips you are.
300
00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:07,140
Hey, who let
this guy in here?
301
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:09,403
I did. You got
a problem with that?
302
00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:13,407
Uh, yeah, well,
like I was saying--
303
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:15,017
Listen, jerkwater...
304
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,324
My little cuz, Brendan,
came down here today
305
00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:19,761
'cause he thought you were
the coolest guy in the world.
306
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,676
Dude, you broke his little
heart trying to charge him
307
00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:23,895
fifty bucks for
your stinking autograph.
308
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,941
Fifty bucks?
309
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:27,595
Hey, I don't run a charity.
310
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:30,424
My signature's worth
big money. I'm a superstar.
311
00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:33,644
Yeah, 'cause of
little dudes like Brendan.
312
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:35,559
Man, you should be
falling all over yourself
313
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:37,431
trying to sign baseballs
for dudes like him.
314
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:38,475
Back to you, Kenny.
315
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:43,785
Look, baseball is business.
316
00:16:43,872 --> 00:16:46,570
You want to send a message,
call Western Union.
317
00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:49,182
I'm out of here. I got
a card show to get to.
318
00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:50,357
Yeah.
[CODY SCOFFS]
319
00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:56,580
What a butt-face!
320
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:59,453
Well, there you have it.
One man's opinion
of Kenny Barton.
321
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,109
Now, back to you
in the studio, Marv.
322
00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:04,719
Well, that's it.
Thanks, guys.
323
00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:07,896
Whoa...
324
00:17:07,983 --> 00:17:10,507
Listen, I'm real sorry
about that. I hope we didn't
mess up your broadcast.
325
00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:13,032
Oh, no. Actually, I think you
made it a little bit better.
326
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:15,164
CODY: Yeah?
REPORTER: That Barton guy's
a real dill weed, isn't he?
327
00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:17,688
-Yeah.
-What's your name, son?
328
00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:19,473
Oh, dude,
I'm Cody Lambert.
329
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,431
This is my little
cuz, Brendan.
330
00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:23,303
Well, Hi.
I'm Harmon Killebrew.
Nice to meet you guys.
331
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:26,001
-Wow, you're Harmon Killebrew?
-Yeah.
332
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:28,308
-I've got your baseball card.
-You do?
333
00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:32,225
Dude, you hit more
home runs than Mickey Mantle
and Reggie Jackson--
334
00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:34,879
And they gave
that dude a candy bar.
[SCOFFS]
335
00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:36,316
-Go figure.
-Yeah.
336
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:43,149
Hey, you know, we really
didn't mean to hose your TV
interview and everything, man.
337
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:46,891
Uh, you know that guy
Kenny Barton, he really
just cheesed me off.
338
00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:49,155
Cody, don't apologize.
I agree with you.
339
00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:51,244
You do? Dude, ha, hey.
340
00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:54,421
Did you hear that?
My man Harmon
agreed with me.
341
00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:56,423
You know, in my day,
ballplayers knew that
342
00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:58,860
the fans were the most
important people in baseball.
343
00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:00,731
Especially kids like you.
344
00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:02,951
But today, they seem
to forget that the fans
345
00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:05,127
are the ones that
buy the tickets
and sit in the seats.
346
00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:08,783
They should remember
that it's the fans
that make baseball.
347
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:11,133
And if it weren't
for the fans,
we'd all be out of a job.
348
00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:13,962
Yeah. Amen to that,
"Your Baseballness."
349
00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:17,139
Yeah. Hey, Brendan,
350
00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:19,837
I'm not a Kenny Barton,
but I am in the Hall of Fame.
351
00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:21,448
I'll sign a baseball for you.
352
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:22,971
-Really?
-Sure.
353
00:18:23,058 --> 00:18:24,103
CODY: Wow!
354
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:31,762
There you go, sport.
355
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:34,852
Wow, this is the greatest
day of my whole life.
356
00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:38,421
Isn't that beautiful?
357
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:43,513
Monster move, bro'. Cool.
358
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,864
Hey, is ol' Pete
still making those killer
chili dogs down the hall?
359
00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:48,475
Yeah, he sure is.
Man, can I buy you one?
360
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,520
Sure, let's go for it.
361
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:54,350
Whoa, dude.
Putting on the feed bag
with old number three.
362
00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:56,570
Is this a Hall of Fame
day, or what?
363
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:58,659
-C'mon, Edgar.
Let's go get a hot dog.
-Okay.
364
00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:10,714
Push. Just push me.
God! Okay...
365
00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:13,543
God!
[GROANS]
366
00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:15,241
These things weigh a ton.
367
00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:17,808
[BOTH GROANING AND SIGHING]
368
00:19:17,895 --> 00:19:19,636
Oh, I've lost
the will to live.
369
00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:23,640
-[FRANK SIGHING]
-Me too, Dad.
370
00:19:23,727 --> 00:19:25,686
I can't handle being pregnant.
371
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:28,167
-Think I wanna quit.
-No, no, no, we can't quit.
372
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,473
They'll, they'll laugh at us.
373
00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:38,133
They laugh at us now, Dad.
374
00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:42,311
-Yeah.
-Ahoy.
375
00:19:42,398 --> 00:19:45,619
Thar she blows.
376
00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:50,101
Aye, you're right, Captain.
There's a fortune
in blubber here.
377
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,929
Make all the jokes
you want, Carol.
378
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:55,933
Just please get me
out of this stupid whale suit.
379
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:58,980
JT, does that mean
what I think it means?
380
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,330
Yes, Dana- It does.
381
00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:02,810
J.T: I quit. You win, okay?
[DANA SCREAMS]
382
00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:04,942
[DANA CLAPS AND LAUGHS]
383
00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:10,296
Okay, how about you, Shamu?
384
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,646
Ready to go belly up?
385
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:15,953
Anything. As long as
I can get this bowling
ball off my bladder.
386
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,172
Hey! Hey! Hey! No.
387
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:22,699
Oh, God!
388
00:20:26,529 --> 00:20:28,749
I think my water broke.
389
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:35,625
I don't believe we have
heard the magic words.
390
00:20:35,712 --> 00:20:38,237
Okay, okay, fine.
391
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:39,673
We are the weaker --
392
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,806
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
393
00:20:42,893 --> 00:20:45,679
The agreement was,
on your knees,
394
00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:47,811
in front of us,
then kiss our feet.
395
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:54,688
CAROL: Okay.
FRANK: Come on.
396
00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:56,080
[GROANING]
397
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:59,170
I am really looking
forward to this.
398
00:21:00,694 --> 00:21:02,870
Okay, boys, let's hear it.
399
00:21:02,957 --> 00:21:04,393
[FRANK AND JT GROAN]
400
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:05,916
Come on.
401
00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:07,440
"We are the weaker sex."
402
00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:10,269
BOTH: We are the weaker sex.
403
00:21:12,793 --> 00:21:15,752
"Women are superior to men."
404
00:21:17,406 --> 00:21:19,539
BOTH: Women are
superior to men.
405
00:21:21,671 --> 00:21:25,327
"We bow down before you
and kiss your feet."
406
00:21:30,332 --> 00:21:33,814
BOTH: We bow down
before you and kiss your feet.
407
00:21:33,901 --> 00:21:35,119
Okay.
408
00:21:39,472 --> 00:21:41,212
-[BOTH KISS IN AIR]
-[CAROL GASPS]
409
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:44,346
[DANA SCOFFING]
No, no.
410
00:21:44,433 --> 00:21:46,566
Lips on leather.
32046
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