All language subtitles for Harley Quinn - 01x08 - L.O.D.R.S.V.P.NTb+ION10.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,000 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:24,569 --> 00:00:27,092 _ 3 00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:28,426 Can I help you? 4 00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,262 Oh, Hi, there. [CHUCKLES] 5 00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:31,630 Where did you come from? 6 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:34,165 I'm just waiting for the museum to open. 7 00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:35,501 Just a normal shark 8 00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:37,169 doing normal shark things. 9 00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:38,804 - Don't... Don't worry about me. - [ALARM BLARING] 10 00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:40,739 We got 'em! It's go time. 11 00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,339 Halt! Thieves. 12 00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:44,675 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 13 00:00:44,677 --> 00:00:46,078 Aquaman? 14 00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:50,582 Yes, noble guard. It is I, The Aquaman, 15 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:53,485 protector of the deep blue and all its inhabitants. 16 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:54,753 It is an honor. 17 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:58,223 I will apprehend these air breathers. 18 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,893 You give chase to their co-conspirators. 19 00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:02,429 [ATLANTEAN GUARD] Yes, my liege. 20 00:01:04,463 --> 00:01:05,733 [LAUGHING CUNNINGLY] 21 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,436 [DR. PSYCHO HUMMING] 22 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:16,475 - [INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING] - [LAUGHING MANIACALLY] 23 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,777 All right, let's get outta here... 24 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:18,778 Ow! 25 00:01:20,546 --> 00:01:22,748 I spoil your little party? 26 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:26,251 Ha-ha! It is I, Aquaman, 27 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:29,488 son of Atlan, heir to the throne of Atlantis. 28 00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:30,555 [GROANS] 29 00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:31,791 I must say, King Shark, 30 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,625 your mother would be most displeased 31 00:01:33,626 --> 00:01:35,628 to find you in this plebeian company. 32 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:36,994 You're not my dad! 33 00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:39,297 That is contrary to what she said. 34 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:40,954 - Ah-ha-hoy! - [DOLPHIN SQUEAKING] 35 00:01:40,956 --> 00:01:42,833 Let us now dispense with the levity. 36 00:01:42,835 --> 00:01:45,236 I am going to need the Atlantean jewels 37 00:01:45,237 --> 00:01:46,539 with which you absconded. 38 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:47,607 Bravo! 39 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,375 What magnificent word choice. 40 00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,877 You are truly the Shakespeare of the sea. 41 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,545 I prefer to think of myself 42 00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:55,248 as the Dickens of the Deep. 43 00:01:56,215 --> 00:01:57,648 Hey. Deep Dickens. 44 00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,318 Let's wrap up this episode of Frasier 45 00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:01,387 so we can get back to getting the hell out of here. 46 00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:02,821 - [DOLPHIN SQUEAKS] - [AQUAMAN LAUGHS] 47 00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:05,792 She certainly is that. [SNOOTY LAUGH] 48 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,292 What did that dolphin say about me? 49 00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,859 Oh, I don't speak dolphin. 50 00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:11,696 I know a little porpoise, but... 51 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:14,668 What villainous reject have you deigned to summon? 52 00:02:16,368 --> 00:02:17,803 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 53 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:18,806 [PAINED SQUEAK] 54 00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:24,777 Did somebody call for... kelp? 55 00:02:26,879 --> 00:02:28,379 [AQUAMAN GROANS] 56 00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:30,849 Unkelp me, plant witch. 57 00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:31,850 Let's go. 58 00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:35,655 Yes. Run. Run! 59 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,889 I, Aquaman, will retrieve my family's jewels, 60 00:02:38,891 --> 00:02:40,771 and the sirens will sing 61 00:02:40,773 --> 00:02:42,694 - of my revenge for eterni... - [SHIP HORN BLARES] 62 00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:45,698 Ow... Juba? A little help? 63 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:46,732 [SQUEAKS] 64 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:47,789 [SIGHS] 65 00:02:47,791 --> 00:02:50,401 Harley Quinn and her crew made Aquaman look like a member 66 00:02:50,402 --> 00:02:52,838 of the Justice B League this afternoon, 67 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,775 and made off with a set of ancient Atlantean jewels. 68 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:58,510 The standout of the crew was Poison Ivy... 69 00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,978 [SIGHS] I'm so sick of hearing this. 70 00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,047 Um, I am not part of the crew. 71 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,816 I was asked for a favor. I provided said favor. 72 00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:05,852 End of story. 73 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,619 Holy shit! Guys, guys, listen. 74 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,887 "Dear Ms. Quinn, 75 00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,722 based on your recent evil efforts, 76 00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:13,458 the Legion of Doom invites you and your crew 77 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:17,395 to our headquarters to discuss further possibilities". 78 00:03:17,396 --> 00:03:18,429 [SQUEALS] 79 00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:20,400 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 80 00:03:22,365 --> 00:03:23,891 Guys, this is what we've been workin' towards. 81 00:03:23,893 --> 00:03:25,270 Dump Joker, check. 82 00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:27,006 Get noticed by the Legion of Doom, check. 83 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,541 Oh! I did it! 84 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,543 Even though no one said I could run a crew. 85 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,777 What? Hello. Hi. 86 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,079 I said that you could run a crew. 87 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,547 Yeah, but you're my friend. 88 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:35,881 Uh, come on, it's like when your mom says 89 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,293 you're the prettiest girl in school. 90 00:03:37,295 --> 00:03:40,719 [GASPS] That's what my mom said. 91 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:44,957 Shark genitalia is very hard to see. Until it isn't. 92 00:03:44,959 --> 00:03:46,590 This is huge for us. 93 00:03:46,592 --> 00:03:48,893 Means we might get to move out of this shithole. 94 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:52,397 I will have you know, Norm Dilfer, 95 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,598 the Carpet King of Gotham 96 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,735 found this mall more than satisfactory. 97 00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,939 [TENTACLE MONSTER GROWLING] 98 00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,774 What the heck is that noise? 99 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,477 Oh yeah, that shit's been keepin' me up. 100 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,342 I haven't been able to get a lick of sleep for days. 101 00:04:06,344 --> 00:04:08,313 I... I didn't hear any noise. 102 00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:11,882 And you can count me out of this Legion of Doom business. 103 00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:13,686 Hey Harley, since I've been banned for life, 104 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:14,954 I probably shouldn't come. 105 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,621 But maybe you can mention I'm reformed 106 00:04:16,622 --> 00:04:18,458 and I don't call women [BLEEP] anymore? 107 00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,660 You know, don't push it, but if it comes up organically. 108 00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:21,893 Yeah, I don't really see a scenario 109 00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:23,562 where that comes up organically, 110 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:24,663 but I'll get ya in. 111 00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:25,999 Well, congrats, Harls. 112 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,833 You're on the verge of achieving your dream 113 00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,003 and I... I really do wish I could be there to see it. 114 00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:32,304 But your name's on the invitation. You gotta come. 115 00:04:32,305 --> 00:04:34,773 Well, that's clearly a misprint because I'm... 116 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,675 [ALL] Not in the crew. We've heard. 117 00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:37,776 Yeah. What they said. 118 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,477 Fine. Be like that. 119 00:04:39,478 --> 00:04:41,881 [SIGHS DRAMATICALLY] I guess if I run into Joker there, 120 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,349 I'll just deal with it 121 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,786 without my best friend by my side. 122 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,954 [SIGHS] Okay, I'll go. 123 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,622 I knew you would. 124 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:51,823 [SCARECROW] Pretty cool, huh? 125 00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:53,659 All the heavy hitters, 126 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:56,894 Sinestro, Lex Luthor, Roger Goodell. 127 00:04:56,896 --> 00:05:00,598 Ooh, uh, FYI, we stand for the anthem here. 128 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:04,536 This is the big leagues of evil. 129 00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,872 [LAUGHS CUNNINGLY] 130 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,440 Oh! Think this might interest you. 131 00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:11,543 It goes throughout the entire office. 132 00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:16,548 [SQUEALS JOYFULLY] Is that a fake diver and a castle? 133 00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:18,050 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 134 00:05:18,052 --> 00:05:20,651 That's a real diver, and you're free to eat him. 135 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,786 [SCREAMS WITH JOY] A real diver? 136 00:05:22,788 --> 00:05:24,856 [MUFFLED VOICE] A real diver? 137 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,958 Is it my birthday? [CONTINUES LAUGHING] 138 00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:28,511 Ah, what'd I tell ya about this place? 139 00:05:28,512 --> 00:05:30,628 Did I lie? Did I fuckin' lie? I did not fuckin' lie. 140 00:05:30,629 --> 00:05:33,231 Also heard we have an actor here. 141 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,567 We do improv every Wednesday. 142 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,003 Huzzah! 143 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,905 And we've got every resource your crew could want. 144 00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:42,271 So, you've got a fish tank and you do improv? 145 00:05:42,273 --> 00:05:44,009 Wow, you're my shitty college boyfriend. 146 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,642 Oh, all right, yeah, I mean, 147 00:05:45,644 --> 00:05:47,081 did your college boyfriend have... 148 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,614 A kryptonite-powered submarine 149 00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:51,515 that can turn into a car and shoot missiles. 150 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,951 We have three of them. 151 00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:56,122 And they're available to our members at any time. 152 00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,990 [ELEVATOR DINGS] 153 00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:02,194 Harley. So glad you could make it. 154 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,063 Lex, this place is amazing. 155 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,176 Not too bad, huh? 156 00:06:05,177 --> 00:06:07,825 The grenade vending machine and Kombucha on tap. 157 00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,268 I mean, you guys thought of everything. 158 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:12,002 I've been watching you ever since you went solo, 159 00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:14,171 and I haven't seen an evil rising star like you 160 00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:16,809 since, well, since me. 161 00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:17,810 Hey, buddy? 162 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,549 Now that you're done kissing your own asshole... 163 00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:20,550 That's not a phrase. 164 00:06:20,551 --> 00:06:21,667 ... why are we here? 165 00:06:21,668 --> 00:06:24,217 Look, I'm sure you know about prospective member night. 166 00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,517 Where every Legion member can nominate someone to join? 167 00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:30,588 Well, Harley, guess who I nominated? You. 168 00:06:30,589 --> 00:06:31,589 [SQUEALS] 169 00:06:31,590 --> 00:06:33,258 So, come back tonight for the party, 170 00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:35,261 meet everyone, see how you mesh, 171 00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:36,962 and, maybe if it goes well, 172 00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:39,231 you could be the next member of the LOD. 173 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,566 That's what we call the Legion of Doom. 174 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:42,768 Oh, is that what it stand for? 175 00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:44,270 I thought it was Legion of Dildos. 176 00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:45,799 That is a sex shop down the street 177 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,739 with whom we're currently in a protracted legal battle. 178 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,542 - So, I'll see you guys tonight? - Uh, damn right you will. 179 00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:52,845 Oh, hey, do I need to get my parking validated? 180 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,014 We don't validate. 181 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,147 So evil. 182 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,499 Hey, let's hit the gift shop. 183 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,818 They have those mini-license plates 184 00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,185 with your name on 'em. 185 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:01,987 Oh, um, yeah, yeah, knock yourself out. 186 00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,822 I... I'm gonna catch up with you in a bit. 187 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,193 Hey, so what is your deal? 188 00:07:05,194 --> 00:07:06,926 Like, why are you suddenly so interested in Harley 189 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,594 after treating her like shit for months? 190 00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,296 Do you know how many invitations we've sent to you? 191 00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,760 Jesus, I dunno, millions. 192 00:07:11,761 --> 00:07:15,666 Calm down, it's 148. And every time you rebuff us. 193 00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:16,902 Because I don't want to join 194 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:18,871 your self-important sausage party. 195 00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:20,539 - Hey. We have a woman. - Good for you. 196 00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,775 I'm blanking on her name right now, but she's lovely. 197 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:23,808 Great. 198 00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:27,560 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 199 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,082 Do you want to play around or you want to get serious? 200 00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,351 Love that. 201 00:07:32,353 --> 00:07:34,118 You're the only one that can do that, 202 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,353 which is why you're right. 203 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,889 I don't want Harley. I want you. 204 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,024 Then why did you fuckin' invite her? 205 00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,659 Why did the Golden Globes nominate The Martian for best comedy? 206 00:07:42,661 --> 00:07:44,195 They wanted Matt Damon to show. 207 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,765 In this metaphor, you're Matt Damon. 208 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,234 Yes, okay, I get it. 209 00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,269 It was just a very stupid and outdated reference. 210 00:07:50,271 --> 00:07:51,556 I don't see a lot of movies. 211 00:07:51,557 --> 00:07:54,006 Look, I'm not joining the Legion of Doom, okay? 212 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,707 Or the LOD or the whatever. 213 00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:56,943 That's totally fine. 214 00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,576 Oh, just one thing I forget to mention. 215 00:07:58,577 --> 00:08:00,913 If you don't join, Harley doesn't get in either. 216 00:08:03,682 --> 00:08:05,149 Okay, they don't have Harley, 217 00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,588 but this is close enough. Isn't this place awesome? 218 00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:12,257 [SNORING] 219 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,392 [TENTACLE MONSTER GROWLING] 220 00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:16,161 God damn it! 221 00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,361 Son of a bitch. 222 00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:19,096 I didn't hear a damn thing. 223 00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:20,399 [TENTACLE MONSTER GROWLING] 224 00:08:20,401 --> 00:08:21,668 What? You didn't here that? 225 00:08:23,702 --> 00:08:25,637 Oh, that thing? 226 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,039 - Yes. - Eh. 227 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,206 That's just the pipes. 228 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,810 [TENTACLE MONSTER GROWLING] 229 00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:33,113 Ahh! 230 00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,283 [SCREAMING] 231 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,019 [GROANING] 232 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,383 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 233 00:08:41,384 --> 00:08:44,122 Yeah, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and explain that. 234 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,123 [SIGHS] Okay. 235 00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:47,926 There may be 236 00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:50,661 a giant tentacle monster in the basement. 237 00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:53,063 [MUSIC PLAYING] 238 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,903 [METAL DETECTOR BUZZES] 239 00:08:57,904 --> 00:09:00,872 Are you sure you took everything out of your pockets? 240 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:05,243 Phone? Keys? Your metal exoskeleton? 241 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:08,246 - Check your weapons, please. - Ooh. 242 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,114 Uh, That's not a weapon. 243 00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:14,219 Fine, but when I act someone to death, you'll be blamed. 244 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,887 Hey, do you... Do you think Joker is gonna be here? 245 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:18,989 Hey, ya know what? I... I don't give a shit. 246 00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:20,292 Nope, don't care. 247 00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,994 Ooh, there's my competition, KG Beast. Huh. 248 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:26,031 Not so scary when they make him take off his machine gun arm. 249 00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:29,368 Harls, look at this place. I mean, this isn't you. 250 00:09:29,370 --> 00:09:30,599 But it can be. 251 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,437 I mean, it's aspirational and classy and shit. 252 00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:33,898 Classy? Okay. 253 00:09:33,899 --> 00:09:36,008 'Cause this morning you drank cereal out of a blender. 254 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,243 Let's all remember that. 255 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,777 Okay, my other cereal cups were dirty. 256 00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:39,946 Look, I gotta go mingle. 257 00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:43,281 What did you say to me? 258 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:46,219 Oh, I have not turned my back on the aquatic world. 259 00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:49,954 It turned its back on me. 260 00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:52,359 Oh, well, you can kindly go fuck yourself! 261 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:57,496 Well, if it isn't Ivy-licious. 262 00:09:57,498 --> 00:10:00,132 [LAUGHS] The wind beneath my wings. 263 00:10:00,134 --> 00:10:02,434 Hey. [LAUGHS] 264 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:05,337 So like, did you get an invite to this thing or... 265 00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:09,007 Naw, naw, I picked up a catering gig actually, yeah. 266 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:12,344 Bein' Ivy's boyfriend, it is pricey. 267 00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:15,113 But you are worth it. 268 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,515 [CHUCKLES] Chicken satay? 269 00:10:16,517 --> 00:10:18,816 Yeah, sure. 270 00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:22,087 [EMBARRASSED GROAN] I will blow you up, you chicken satay. 271 00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,887 Or, why don't you take that anger, 272 00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:25,491 put it in your feelings pocket 273 00:10:25,493 --> 00:10:27,425 and I'm going give you this whole tray. 274 00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,994 Why are you talkin' to him? 275 00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:31,797 What? He outclasses any of these idiots. Okay? 276 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,032 This is the problem with this place. 277 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,234 It's like a boys club. 278 00:10:34,235 --> 00:10:35,836 It's like a... it's like a goddamn frat. 279 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:37,901 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 280 00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:40,004 It is I, Aquaman, 281 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:41,238 son of Atlan, 282 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,906 heir to the throne of... 283 00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:44,410 [VILLAIN 1] Boo to you! 284 00:10:44,412 --> 00:10:45,811 [CLEARS THROAT] To the throne of... 285 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:46,812 [VILLAIN 2] Boo! 286 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,215 You two stole my family jewels. 287 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,877 [VILLAIN 1] Your balls? 288 00:10:50,878 --> 00:10:52,599 - Oh, grow up, Sinestro. I know that was you. - [VILLAIN 1 LAUGHS] 289 00:10:52,601 --> 00:10:53,635 You have no proof. 290 00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:56,253 [TENTACLE MONSTER GROWLS] 291 00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:57,479 Let's kill it. 292 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:00,960 Ah, or... Or we can do what I usually do. 293 00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,028 Lower some livestock down the hole, 294 00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:05,097 walk away, wait a few weeks, 295 00:11:05,099 --> 00:11:06,930 and, uh, hope it calms down. 296 00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:09,234 If you won't deal with that noise-making abomination, 297 00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:10,235 then I will. 298 00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:11,870 She's not an abomination. 299 00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:16,273 She's my sister. My sister. 300 00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:18,645 Yeah, I'm definitely gonna need you to explain that. 301 00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:23,081 I warned you and you paid me no heed. 302 00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:27,084 So now, taste the salty brine of my sweet... 303 00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:28,520 Argh! [CHOKING] 304 00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:30,021 - Hah! - [GROANS] 305 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,023 [GRUNTS] 306 00:11:32,786 --> 00:11:34,158 Shit! Shit, shit, shit. 307 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,993 Be with me, Konstantin. 308 00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:40,464 Brother, it is I, the Superman, from Kryptalon. 309 00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:42,573 And these people are not your enemy... 310 00:11:42,575 --> 00:11:43,575 [GRUNTS] 311 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,340 Not my worst review. 312 00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:48,823 [GROWLS] 313 00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:57,282 Kite Man to the rescue. 314 00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,474 I'll protect us, babe. 315 00:11:58,475 --> 00:12:00,051 Maybe they took the weapons from the guests 316 00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,587 but they didn't check... 317 00:12:01,589 --> 00:12:02,822 The help. 318 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,959 Oh, cross wind, oh, shi... 319 00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:10,796 Did he just call you "babe"? 320 00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:13,200 [HESITANTLY] I... You know, I... Maybe. 321 00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:18,036 Call off your dogs, Luthor. 322 00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:20,639 Not everyone has to suffer at my hands today. 323 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,974 This is between me and them. 324 00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:27,512 By "them" I think you mean me. 325 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,480 Hello, Arthur. 326 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,618 David, it's not always about you. 327 00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:35,422 But it's not not about me either. 328 00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,457 [SCREAMS] 329 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,524 [POISON IVY GRUNTS] 330 00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:40,525 Ivy! 331 00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:48,568 Ow! 332 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,237 [GRUNTS] 333 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:54,441 May Poseidon have mercy on your soul. 334 00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:01,378 Hey, fish dick, why don't you go back to the ocean? 335 00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:05,151 Otherwise known as "the world's toilet". [LAUGHS] 336 00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,185 [GUEST] Boo. 337 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:07,987 Oh, so no ocean jokes? 338 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:11,089 Uh, it seems like political-iggical correct culture 339 00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:13,025 is killing the comedy. 340 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,162 [GASPS] 341 00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,362 No, no, no, no. 342 00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:22,364 Oh God, oh God. No, no, no no no. 343 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:26,637 [FISH] Ah. 344 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,007 Help me. 345 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,275 Ah! What have I done? 346 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,544 My brothers. Oh, my brothers! 347 00:13:32,546 --> 00:13:34,179 Aquaman! 348 00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:37,348 Look, I am stomping on your fish. Stomping! 349 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,017 Bane, stop it. 350 00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,386 Hey, there's a YMCA pool down the street. 351 00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:43,054 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 352 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:47,392 Just throw saltwater fish into a chlorinated pool. 353 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,194 Water's water, I guess. 354 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,264 Come on. What are you, four? 355 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,899 [ALL CHEERING] 356 00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:58,638 Huzzah! 357 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,749 [SY] What I'm about to tell you, 358 00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,250 I've never told to anyone. 359 00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:15,554 My sister Mirielle and I were both CIA. 360 00:14:15,556 --> 00:14:18,624 She was a top scientist, the best! 361 00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:21,926 And in the '80s, cocaine and animal hybridization 362 00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,027 were all the rage. 363 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,528 - [NEIGHING] - [ROARING] 364 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,331 I was Langley's go-to cleaner. 365 00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,699 You know what "go-to" is? 366 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,435 It's the guy you go to! 367 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,103 If there was a mess, 368 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:35,140 I was the man to take care of it. 369 00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:36,608 My missions took me 370 00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:41,780 from jungle treetops to the sea floor. 371 00:14:41,782 --> 00:14:45,282 So, I asked Mirie if she could make a hybrid for me, 372 00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:47,384 one that could aid me on my missions. 373 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,320 A half-monkey, half-octopus, 374 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:52,556 or as it's commonly known, a Monkeypuss. 375 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,158 [MONKEY GIBBER] 376 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,060 She said it was against protocol. 377 00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:58,563 [MONKEY GIBBER] 378 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,297 But I just kept bugging her, 379 00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:03,233 and finally, because of how much she loved me, 380 00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:05,369 she agreed to try. 381 00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:08,341 As you might've guessed, it all went horribly wrong. 382 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,278 [MONKEY GIBBER] 383 00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:15,680 [SCREAMING] 384 00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:19,152 Psycho, meet my sister Mirielle. 385 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,153 She's a mop? 386 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,622 No, she's not a mop. 387 00:15:22,623 --> 00:15:24,957 It's the janitor's closet. I made a mistake, so kill me. 388 00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:27,561 Here's Mirielle. 389 00:15:28,662 --> 00:15:30,496 [ROARING] 390 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:36,000 Saving the Legion of Doom from a member of the Justice League. 391 00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:41,001 I mean even if it was Aquaman, ugh, that is gettin' me in. 392 00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,746 Look, even if ya don't get in, 393 00:15:47,748 --> 00:15:50,715 it's still pretty cool to be nominated, right? Right? 394 00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:53,384 Uh, no. I would do a header out that window 395 00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,653 and let my brains smash all over the sidewalk. 396 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,289 [FORCED LAUGHTER] You're joking. 397 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,358 Last chance. Sure you don't want in? 398 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,228 Harley is good enough to get in on her own. 399 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:03,863 You saw what she just did to Aquaman. 400 00:16:03,864 --> 00:16:05,330 Let her in. 401 00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:06,532 I mean, for God's sake, you let Bane in. 402 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,567 Lot of politics involved there. 403 00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,569 So, your final answer's a no? 404 00:16:10,571 --> 00:16:11,770 [SIGHS] 405 00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,243 We all know why we're here, 406 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:20,545 and I'm happy to say, 407 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,281 the Legion has voted, 408 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,382 and we have a new member. 409 00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,150 Harley. Join me. 410 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,452 Just fuck these guys. 411 00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,152 Ive, what are you talkin' about? 412 00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,189 This year was a fine crop. 413 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,858 But one person stood above the rest. 414 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,460 Just you and me. Like we'll start our own thing. 415 00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:38,396 It'll be... It'll be Harley and Ivy. 416 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,833 Y'know we'll get those matching flame retardant jumpsuits 417 00:16:40,835 --> 00:16:42,801 you've always wanted. You love those. 418 00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,099 You mean the one where yours says 419 00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:45,904 "Yaass" and mine says "Kween". 420 00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,906 Yaass. Yaass. 421 00:16:47,908 --> 00:16:49,097 No, no, no. No, come on. 422 00:16:49,099 --> 00:16:50,822 You told me to leave the Joker for this, 423 00:16:50,824 --> 00:16:53,310 and now I'm here and it's gonna damn well happen. 424 00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:54,613 Harley, listen to me. 425 00:16:54,615 --> 00:16:57,384 This person is an absolute machine. 426 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,385 They don't want you. Okay? 427 00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:01,653 They never wanted you. 428 00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,689 They were just using you to get to me. 429 00:17:03,691 --> 00:17:06,490 And I'd like to welcome our newest member, 430 00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:08,126 Harley Quinn! 431 00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:09,161 [CHEERING] 432 00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,295 Harley, you did it! 433 00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:11,729 Congratulations, Harley! 434 00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,231 [SCREAMS] 435 00:17:17,371 --> 00:17:19,203 Hey, thanks for believin' in me. 436 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:23,542 No. [SIGHS] I... I was just trying to protect you. 437 00:17:23,544 --> 00:17:26,480 Harley Quinn, welcome to the Legion of Doom. 438 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,584 [ALL CHEERING] 439 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,287 [MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING] 440 00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:38,390 Fine. You want to join those assholes? 441 00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:40,592 Go! Be an asshole yourself, be my guest. 442 00:17:40,594 --> 00:17:42,227 What don't you understand about 443 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,228 "they have a submarine that turns into a car 444 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,397 that shoots missiles"? 445 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,531 The Legion's awesome! 446 00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:47,933 Oh, this is getting heated. 447 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,700 What delicious drama. 448 00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,636 Don't put your insecurities on me. 449 00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,072 [SCOFFS] All right, here we go. 450 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,841 What... What? You tell me. What insecurities? 451 00:17:54,842 --> 00:17:56,374 Uh, you just don't want me to join 452 00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:57,977 because you're afraid I won't need you anymore. 453 00:17:57,978 --> 00:17:59,444 You are delusional. 454 00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:00,680 Am I? Am I? 455 00:18:00,681 --> 00:18:02,381 Ya loved it when I was all beaten down 456 00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:04,549 and brokenhearted after breakin' up with Joker. 457 00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:05,939 But you hate it now 458 00:18:05,940 --> 00:18:07,586 that I'm better and makin' somethin' of myself! 459 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,921 - Ooh, snap! - Damn! 460 00:18:08,923 --> 00:18:10,421 That's not true. 461 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,556 Is true. Ya can't handle it, can ya? 462 00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:14,192 - What? - You're tryin' to sabotage me 463 00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,460 instead of confrontin' the fact that, without me, 464 00:18:16,462 --> 00:18:18,430 you don't have a single friend in this world. 465 00:18:18,432 --> 00:18:19,597 I... 466 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,869 I don't need this shit. 467 00:18:20,871 --> 00:18:22,802 Like I've always said I'm not part of your crew so... 468 00:18:22,803 --> 00:18:24,845 Oh great, go. Run away to your stupid plants. 469 00:18:24,847 --> 00:18:26,447 You know they have names. 470 00:18:27,942 --> 00:18:29,574 What the hell are you lookin' at? 471 00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:30,810 [TENTACLE MONSTER GROWLING] 472 00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:34,448 [SCREAMING] 473 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:40,384 [MUMBLING SADLY] 474 00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:43,489 I'm so sorry, Mirielle. Can ya ever forgive me? 475 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:44,490 [TENTACLE MONSTER GROWLS] 476 00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:45,791 My own issues aside, 477 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,826 can someone explain why Sy is cryin' 478 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:50,630 and where this giant tentacle monster came from? 479 00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:52,731 Super-long story. Short version. 480 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,200 CIA experiment went wrong. 481 00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,255 That's his sister, 482 00:18:55,256 --> 00:18:57,202 and he hasn't been down here for like 35 years. 483 00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:58,370 Yeah, uh that's what I was gonna guess. 484 00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,371 [GROWLING] 485 00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:03,476 Oh, I can't even imagine what it must be like 486 00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:07,011 to go through life a giant, deformed thing. 487 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,581 You can't, you can't imagine that? 488 00:19:09,583 --> 00:19:13,718 I don't know how I live with myself. [CRIES] 489 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,588 Oh, it's okay. Look, why not try and talk to her? 490 00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:17,989 How? 491 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,924 I'll do it. I'll do it, I'll do it. 492 00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,058 Let me be your Whoopi. 493 00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,594 [TENTACLE MONSTER SCREAMS] 494 00:19:22,596 --> 00:19:25,630 What? Ghost affected everyone. 495 00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:27,665 It was a phenomenon. 496 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,936 [VIBRATO INTENSIFYING] 497 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,970 Talk to her. 498 00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:36,276 She may not speak English but I bet she understands it. 499 00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:41,379 Mirie, I'm so sorry. 500 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:44,649 I never shoulda forced you to make that damn hybrid. 501 00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,584 [GROWLS] 502 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,419 Ah-hah, ah-hah, ah-hah. 503 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:51,289 Okay, she said "I get that you were confused and angry. 504 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,613 So was I. 505 00:19:52,614 --> 00:19:54,928 But it wasn't being turned into a tentacle monster 506 00:19:54,929 --> 00:19:56,362 that made me angry". 507 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,529 Wow, this is getting interesting. 508 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,698 [GROWLING] 509 00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:02,700 "I was angry because you walked away. 510 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,503 You closed yourself off from me. 511 00:20:04,505 --> 00:20:07,038 I didn't just lose my brother that day, 512 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,108 I lost my best friend". 513 00:20:09,109 --> 00:20:11,543 [MIRIELLE GROWLING] 514 00:20:11,545 --> 00:20:14,746 [DR. PSYCHO] She kept hoping you would reach out, 515 00:20:14,748 --> 00:20:16,316 but you never did. 516 00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:21,720 [GROWLING] 517 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,021 One more time on that last part? 518 00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:24,022 [GROWLS] 519 00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,923 Right. Right, okay. 520 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:30,929 She says, "I always thought no matter how bad it got, 521 00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:33,664 you'd never give up on our friendship". 522 00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,699 I should've come to you, 523 00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:38,636 but I was afraid I let it go too long. 524 00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,505 That you wouldn't forgive me. 525 00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:42,841 [GROWLING] 526 00:20:42,843 --> 00:20:44,609 This is everything. 527 00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:47,746 I don't need a translation for this. 528 00:20:47,748 --> 00:20:50,815 I never should've kept you locked up down here, 529 00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:54,287 so from now on, you're free. 530 00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:58,623 [GROWLING] 531 00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:00,557 Look at her go. 532 00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:04,162 That's my girl. Run, baby, run. 533 00:21:04,164 --> 00:21:06,832 Oh, she looks great. She seems so happy. 534 00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:08,001 [GROWLING] 535 00:21:09,036 --> 00:21:10,669 [PEOPLE SCREAMING] 536 00:21:10,671 --> 00:21:12,004 [GROWLING] 537 00:21:12,006 --> 00:21:14,038 [MAN SCREAMS] I'm in... I'm in its mouth. 538 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,407 [PEOPLE SCREAMING] 539 00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:19,709 Oh, I'm just gonna... 540 00:21:23,851 --> 00:21:24,951 [DEVICE BEEPS] 541 00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:27,451 [DEVICE BEEPS] 542 00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:28,453 [DEVICE BEEPS] 543 00:21:31,557 --> 00:21:32,557 [DEVICE BEEPS] 544 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,960 Woo! Oh, Harley, Harley. 545 00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:38,595 Whatever weird sex thing you had to do 546 00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:40,699 to get me back into the Legion of Doom, 547 00:21:40,701 --> 00:21:41,701 I thank you. 548 00:21:41,702 --> 00:21:42,969 Yeah, that's not what happened. 549 00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:43,970 Uh-huh. Wink, wink. 550 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:44,970 On a related note, 551 00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:46,470 you can't go on any capers 552 00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:48,106 where the crew might interact with a female superhero. 553 00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:51,579 Yeah, that seems fair. 554 00:21:51,581 --> 00:21:53,581 _ 555 00:21:57,817 --> 00:21:59,585 Ready to put your life behind you 556 00:21:59,586 --> 00:22:01,953 and make the world an even worse place? 557 00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:02,954 Sure thing, Lex. 558 00:22:02,954 --> 00:22:03,954 Good. 559 00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:13,030 [SIGHS] 560 00:22:13,032 --> 00:22:15,066 Oh, and by the way, 561 00:22:15,068 --> 00:22:17,804 another member insisted on dropping by. 562 00:22:19,073 --> 00:22:23,574 Hi, Harley. [LAUGHS] 563 00:22:23,576 --> 00:22:28,598 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 564 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,100 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 39870

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