Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
2
00:02:34,550 --> 00:02:38,337
The seminar will begin in five minutes.
3
00:02:38,437 --> 00:02:40,529
It will be in room "C."
4
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:45,011
So, uh, how about Chow Yun Fat?
5
00:02:45,111 --> 00:02:48,431
I don't know.
I love Chow Yun Fat.
6
00:02:48,531 --> 00:02:50,704
- I just don't see him playing Madman.
- Awesome.
7
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,804
Thank you.
8
00:02:58,574 --> 00:03:02,829
Could you sign it:
"To a really big fan"?
9
00:03:04,664 --> 00:03:06,616
Uh, you bet.
10
00:03:06,716 --> 00:03:09,201
I love this book, man.
This shit is awesome!
11
00:03:09,301 --> 00:03:11,203
I wish I was like these guys.
Gettin' stoned,
12
00:03:11,303 --> 00:03:14,832
talkin' all raw about chicks
and fightin' supervillains!
13
00:03:14,932 --> 00:03:18,469
I love these guys! You know what.
They're like Bill and Ted...
14
00:03:18,936 --> 00:03:20,532
meet Cheech and Chong!
15
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,010
Yeah. I kind of
like to think of them...
16
00:03:23,110 --> 00:03:25,421
as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
meet Vladimir and Estragon.
17
00:03:25,525 --> 00:03:27,325
Yes! Who?
18
00:03:30,270 --> 00:03:32,766
So, do you, like,
draw this or something?
19
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:38,190
I ink it, and I'm also the colorist.
The guy next to me draws it.
20
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,754
But we both came up
with the characters. Next!
21
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,255
What does that mean,
you "ink it"?
22
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:45,154
Well, it means that Holden
draws the pictures in pencil.
23
00:03:45,254 --> 00:03:48,136
And then he gives it to me
to go over in ink. Next!
24
00:03:48,236 --> 00:03:50,430
So, basically,
you just trace.
25
00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:54,809
It's, uh, it's not tracing,
all right?
26
00:03:54,909 --> 00:03:57,771
I add depth and shading to give
the image more definition.
27
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,690
Only then does the drawing
truly take shape.
28
00:04:00,790 --> 00:04:06,008
No, no, no. You go over what he draws
with a pen, all right? That's tracing.
29
00:04:06,108 --> 00:04:08,957
Not really. Next.
30
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,891
Hey, man,
let me ask you somethin'.
31
00:04:13,991 --> 00:04:17,332
Somebody draws something
and then you draw the exact same thing,
32
00:04:17,432 --> 00:04:20,960
like, right on top of it without going
outside the original designated art.
33
00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:23,004
What do you call that?
34
00:04:23,104 --> 00:04:25,674
- I don't know, man. Tracing?
- See?
35
00:04:25,774 --> 00:04:27,258
You want your book signed
or what?
36
00:04:27,358 --> 00:04:29,469
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
37
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:33,807
Don't get all testy just because you
got a problem with your station in life.
38
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,225
Oh, I'm secure
with what I do.
39
00:04:35,325 --> 00:04:38,395
Then just say it.
You're a tracer.
40
00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:39,688
How should I sign this?
41
00:04:39,788 --> 00:04:41,690
I don't want you
to sign it, man.
42
00:04:41,790 --> 00:04:44,025
I want the guy who draws
Bluntman & Chronic to sign it.
43
00:04:44,125 --> 00:04:47,696
- You're just the tracer.
- Tell him, little shaver.
44
00:04:47,796 --> 00:04:51,658
Who do I sign it to?
45
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:54,119
You fuckin' tracer!
46
00:04:54,219 --> 00:04:57,998
I'll trace a chalk line around
your dead fuckin' body, you fuck!
47
00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,000
Would you get him
outta here?
48
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:04,775
Hey, wait a second! He jumped me!
You fuckin' tracer!
49
00:05:04,875 --> 00:05:07,111
Your mother's a tracer!
50
00:05:07,211 --> 00:05:09,155
Can I explain the audience
principle to you?
51
00:05:09,255 --> 00:05:11,317
If you assault and accost them,
then we have no audience.
52
00:05:11,417 --> 00:05:14,889
He started it,
fuckin' cock-knocker!
53
00:05:14,989 --> 00:05:18,644
He's lucky I didn't put
my pen through his thorax!
54
00:05:18,850 --> 00:05:23,023
Need I remind you?
Curtain's in ten minutes. Okay?
55
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:26,145
The Word's Up: Minority
Voices in Comics panel discussion...
56
00:05:26,245 --> 00:05:28,897
- All right.
- is about to begin in room "F."
57
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:33,251
For years in this industry...
58
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:36,703
whenever an African-American
character, hero or villain,
59
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:40,492
was introduced, usually,
by white artists and writers,
60
00:05:40,884 --> 00:05:44,169
they got slapped
with racist names...
61
00:05:44,598 --> 00:05:46,721
that singled them out
as Negroes.
62
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,880
Now, my book...
63
00:05:52,050 --> 00:05:54,953
White Hatin' Coon...
64
00:05:55,053 --> 00:05:57,121
don't have none
of that bullshit.
65
00:05:57,221 --> 00:06:00,229
The hero's name is Maleekwa,
a descendant from the black tribe...
66
00:06:00,329 --> 00:06:03,294
that established
the first society on the planet,
67
00:06:03,394 --> 00:06:06,422
while you European motherfuckers
were still hidin' in caves and shit,
68
00:06:06,522 --> 00:06:08,883
all terrified of the sun.
69
00:06:08,983 --> 00:06:13,680
He's a strong role model that
a young black reader can look up to,
70
00:06:13,780 --> 00:06:18,247
'cause I'm here to tell ya: The chickens
is comin' home to roost, y'all.
71
00:06:18,347 --> 00:06:22,480
The black man's no longer gonna play the
minstrel in comics and sci-fi fantasy.
72
00:06:22,580 --> 00:06:27,464
We keepin' it real, and we gonna
get respect by any means necessary.
73
00:06:27,564 --> 00:06:30,905
Ah, come on!
That's a bunch of horseshit!
74
00:06:31,005 --> 00:06:33,700
Lando Calrissian
was a black guy, you know.
75
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,273
He got to fly the Millennium Falcon.
What's the matter with you?
76
00:06:36,373 --> 00:06:38,913
- Who said that?
- I did.
77
00:06:39,013 --> 00:06:43,293
Lando Calrissian is a positive role
model in science-fiction fantasy.
78
00:06:43,393 --> 00:06:46,421
Fuck Lando Calrissian!
Uncle Tom nigger!
79
00:06:46,521 --> 00:06:49,549
Always some white boy
gotta invoke the holy trilogy.
80
00:06:49,649 --> 00:06:54,950
Those movies are about how the
white man keeps the brother man down...
81
00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:58,057
even in a galaxy
far, far away.
82
00:06:58,157 --> 00:07:02,020
Check this shit. You got
cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker...
83
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,105
Nazi poster boy...
blond hair, blue eyes...
84
00:07:04,205 --> 00:07:06,107
and then you got
Darth Vader.
85
00:07:06,207 --> 00:07:08,776
The blackest brother
in the galaxy, Nubian guy.
86
00:07:08,876 --> 00:07:12,455
- What's a Nubian?
- Shut the fuck up!
87
00:07:14,624 --> 00:07:17,952
Now, Vader, he's a spiritual
brother, you know.
88
00:07:18,052 --> 00:07:20,246
Down with the force
and all that good shit.
89
00:07:20,346 --> 00:07:23,583
Then this cracker, Skywalker,
gets his hands on a light saber,
90
00:07:23,683 --> 00:07:25,981
and the boy decides he's gonna
run the fuckin' universe.
91
00:07:26,081 --> 00:07:28,963
Gets a whole Klan
of whites together.
92
00:07:29,063 --> 00:07:32,091
And they gonna bust up
Vader's hood, the Death Star.
93
00:07:32,191 --> 00:07:34,093
Now, what the fuck
do you call that?
94
00:07:34,193 --> 00:07:37,480
- Intergalactic civil war?
- Gentrification!
95
00:07:39,357 --> 00:07:42,977
They gonna drive out
the black element...
96
00:07:43,077 --> 00:07:46,147
to make the galaxy
"safe" for white folks.
97
00:07:46,247 --> 00:07:49,838
And Jedi's the most
insulting installment!
98
00:07:49,938 --> 00:07:53,509
Because Vader's beautiful
black visage is sullied...
99
00:07:53,609 --> 00:07:58,681
when he pulls off his mask to reveal
a feeble, crusty, old white man.
100
00:07:58,781 --> 00:08:03,298
They're tryin' to tell us that deep
inside we all wants to be white!
101
00:08:04,799 --> 00:08:06,968
Well, isn't that true?
102
00:08:16,436 --> 00:08:17,595
Black rage!
103
00:08:17,695 --> 00:08:19,806
Black rage!
I'll kill any white folks...
104
00:08:19,906 --> 00:08:24,486
I lay my motherfuckin' eyes on!
105
00:08:49,010 --> 00:08:52,672
"What's a Nubian?"
Bitch, you almost made me laugh.
106
00:08:52,772 --> 00:08:55,631
Man, what about you? You didn't tell
me you were gonna scream, "Black rage!"
107
00:08:55,731 --> 00:08:57,468
I nearly pissed myself.
108
00:08:57,568 --> 00:08:59,571
How do you manage to get away
with this all the time?
109
00:08:59,671 --> 00:09:02,206
I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting
your head open right about now?
110
00:09:02,306 --> 00:09:06,060
- Wrong coast.
- Well, this here, she full of blanks.
111
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:11,566
And, uh, Opiate gets all sorts
of legal clearances before I go on.
112
00:09:11,666 --> 00:09:13,711
So your publisher actually
condones these theatrics?
113
00:09:13,811 --> 00:09:18,197
Condones? Honey, they insist. I need
to sell the image to sell the book.
114
00:09:18,297 --> 00:09:20,526
Would the audience still buy
the whole black rage angle...
115
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:24,370
if they found out the book
was written by a, a... you know.
116
00:09:24,470 --> 00:09:26,956
- Faggot?
- When you say it, it sounds so sexy.
117
00:09:27,056 --> 00:09:32,086
Hey, hey, hey! I'll play your victim,
but not your catcher, all right?
118
00:09:32,186 --> 00:09:35,673
Hooper, how come you sound like Minister
Farrakhan when you're onstage...
119
00:09:35,773 --> 00:09:38,760
and the king of pop
when you're not?
120
00:09:38,860 --> 00:09:40,762
Look out, boys!
This kitten has a whip!
121
00:09:40,862 --> 00:09:42,764
Always before
I get to speak, you dick.
122
00:09:42,864 --> 00:09:44,891
I swear! Jesus!
123
00:09:44,991 --> 00:09:47,831
The next con I attend, and they
ask me to be on the minority panel,
124
00:09:47,931 --> 00:09:51,731
if I see your name anywhere
near that list, I'm passing!
125
00:09:51,831 --> 00:09:55,902
Holden, Banky, this pile
of P.M.S. is Alyssa Jones.
126
00:09:56,002 --> 00:09:57,946
She does that book,
Idiosyncratic Routine.
127
00:09:58,046 --> 00:10:03,847
Oh, I've read your book. It's cute.
Chick stuff, but cute. What?
128
00:10:03,947 --> 00:10:06,318
Sorry about him. He's, uh,
he's dealing with being an inker.
129
00:10:06,463 --> 00:10:08,915
Oh. You trace.
130
00:10:09,015 --> 00:10:14,379
I really like your book. I'm surprised
we never met at any other cons before.
131
00:10:14,479 --> 00:10:16,965
Yeah, well, lose the dick
or change the skin tone,
132
00:10:17,065 --> 00:10:20,051
and we can get to know
each other on panel after panel.
133
00:10:20,151 --> 00:10:24,472
These boys do Bluntman & Chronic, which
outsells both of our books put together.
134
00:10:24,572 --> 00:10:27,976
Hence, they're never on the panel
with the likes of us.
135
00:10:28,076 --> 00:10:29,778
They slummin' it right now.
136
00:10:31,029 --> 00:10:33,106
I promised Alyssa
I'd buy her a post-rave drink.
137
00:10:33,206 --> 00:10:35,516
Do the Garden Staters have
to sprint to the Lincoln Tunnel,
138
00:10:35,616 --> 00:10:38,361
or can you stay for a round
in the big, scary city?
139
00:10:38,461 --> 00:10:40,538
- We're gonna go...
- We'll take...
140
00:10:43,166 --> 00:10:44,966
We'll go.
141
00:10:48,546 --> 00:10:50,477
Archie. All right?
142
00:10:50,577 --> 00:10:54,127
Archie and the Riverdale gang were
a pure and fun-lovin' bunch.
143
00:10:54,227 --> 00:10:58,089
You can't find dysfunction in those
comics. They were flat-out wholesome.
144
00:10:58,189 --> 00:11:00,988
- Archie and Jughead were lovers.
- Shut the fuck up!
145
00:11:01,088 --> 00:11:05,346
It's true. Archie was the bitch,
and Jughead was the butch.
146
00:11:05,446 --> 00:11:08,975
That's why Jughead wears
that crown-lookin' hat all the time.
147
00:11:09,075 --> 00:11:12,103
He the king of
Queen Archie's world.
148
00:11:12,203 --> 00:11:14,105
Man, I feel
a hate crime comin' on.
149
00:11:14,205 --> 00:11:16,503
Well, you know,
he does have a point.
150
00:11:16,603 --> 00:11:18,789
I mean, Archie never did quite
settle on Betty or Veronica.
151
00:11:18,889 --> 00:11:21,779
'Cause he wanted them both
at the same time, you assholes!
152
00:11:21,879 --> 00:11:25,199
He didn't choose one, because he was
trying to get them into a three-way.
153
00:11:25,299 --> 00:11:28,299
- Here.
- What?
154
00:11:28,761 --> 00:11:32,665
I want you to go down to the corner
store and buy yourself a clue.
155
00:11:32,765 --> 00:11:35,168
- Go on.
- Eat it, Urkel.
156
00:11:35,268 --> 00:11:38,108
Uh! I done told you to
watch it with that Urkel shit.
157
00:11:38,253 --> 00:11:41,474
Face it, girl.
Archie's a sister.
158
00:11:44,524 --> 00:11:48,348
- That's it. You!
- Moi?
159
00:11:48,448 --> 00:11:52,268
Yeah, you. You are marching
back across the street with me,
160
00:11:52,368 --> 00:11:55,042
and we're gonna pick up
a shitload of Archie books.
161
00:11:55,142 --> 00:11:58,024
And I'm going to prove to you
beyond the shadow of a doubt...
162
00:11:58,124 --> 00:12:00,610
that Archie
is all about pussy.
163
00:12:00,710 --> 00:12:02,310
Come on!
164
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,914
This boy is conflicted.
165
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,752
I shall play
mother therapist for him.
166
00:12:08,852 --> 00:12:12,097
You two sit tight.
We shall return promptly.
167
00:12:16,358 --> 00:12:17,803
Is he always like that?
168
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:21,140
Who, him? Yeah.
Ever since the third grade.
169
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,226
This, uh, this nun was teaching us
about the Blessed Trinity, you know?
170
00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:27,312
She was going on and on about
the three persons in one God thing.
171
00:12:27,412 --> 00:12:29,440
Father, Son,
the Holy Spirit.
172
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:33,152
Banky just goes ballistic on her.
They got in this huge fight.
173
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:36,822
An eight-year-old kid?
How bad could it have been?
174
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:39,950
Well, have you ever seen a nun call
a small child a "fucking cunt-rag"?
175
00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,995
It wasn't pretty.
Shit like that's bound to happen...
176
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:46,039
when you make a kid wear
a matching tie and slacks every day.
177
00:12:46,139 --> 00:12:50,482
Right. And your parochial
school misadventures?
178
00:12:50,582 --> 00:12:54,319
Oh, mostly limited to
wine-tasting prior to mass.
179
00:12:54,419 --> 00:12:56,925
Turned me into a grade school
alcoholic altar boy though.
180
00:12:57,025 --> 00:12:59,213
Can't tell you how many mornings
after serious benders...
181
00:12:59,313 --> 00:13:01,555
I'd wake up next
to strange priests.
182
00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:04,475
- Aren't you the sharp wit?
- Sharp? No.
183
00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:07,519
I'm just a fan of
clergy-molestation humor.
184
00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:11,504
Probably why the extended family quit
inviting me to first communion parties.
185
00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:17,446
- Tsk.
- You play darts?
186
00:13:17,546 --> 00:13:21,428
Uh, not professionally.
You know, only in bars.
187
00:13:22,217 --> 00:13:24,369
I don't know.
188
00:13:24,469 --> 00:13:28,457
Maybe I should just sign one of those
exclusive deals like you guys.
189
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:30,459
Your new book seems
to be selling like mad.
190
00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:35,255
Well, it all goes back to somethin'
my grandmother told me when I was a kid.
191
00:13:35,355 --> 00:13:39,635
"Holden," she said, "the big bucks
are in dick and fart jokes."
192
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:42,033
- She was a churchgoer.
- Oh!
193
00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:46,099
The cry from the heart of a real artist
trapped in commercial hell,
194
00:13:46,199 --> 00:13:48,602
pitying his good fortune.
195
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:52,043
I'm sure you can dry your eyes
on all those fat checks you rake in.
196
00:13:52,143 --> 00:13:56,214
Oh, I'm sorry. What was that? Did I
detect a note of bitter envy in there?
197
00:13:56,314 --> 00:13:59,154
No, I'm happy my stuff
gets read at all.
198
00:13:59,254 --> 00:14:01,406
There's very little market
for hearts and flowers...
199
00:14:01,506 --> 00:14:05,619
in this spandex-clad, big pecs,
big tits, big guns field.
200
00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:08,789
If I sell two issues,
I feel like John Grisham.
201
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:10,833
Well, it's all
about marketing.
202
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:15,921
Over- or under-weight guys that don't
get laid. They're our bread and butter.
203
00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:19,237
People like those two outside
should be yours.
204
00:14:19,337 --> 00:14:22,240
And sadly, there are more
of our core audience.
205
00:14:22,340 --> 00:14:25,910
Kind of gives you a charge though.
See two people like that in love.
206
00:14:26,010 --> 00:14:28,288
And all over
Banky's car, no less.
207
00:14:28,388 --> 00:14:31,186
You know, that car's seeing more action
right now than it's seen in years.
208
00:14:31,286 --> 00:14:35,774
- Bubbly guy like that? It's
hard to figure out why. - Yeah.
209
00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:38,986
You gotta respect that kind of display
of affection. You know what I mean?
210
00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:41,613
Sure, it's crazy.
It's rude. It's self-absorbed.
211
00:14:41,713 --> 00:14:44,929
But, uh, you know,
it's love.
212
00:14:45,029 --> 00:14:47,974
- It's not love.
- Oh, says you.
213
00:14:48,074 --> 00:14:51,039
That out there?
That's fleeting.
214
00:14:51,139 --> 00:14:54,251
- Fleeting?
- Mm-hmm. Well, I gotta split.
215
00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:57,942
It was really nice meeting you.
Good luck with your book.
216
00:14:58,042 --> 00:15:02,851
Tell Hooper I'll call him later.
And... tell your friend to calm down.
217
00:15:08,524 --> 00:15:10,955
Shut up already.
218
00:15:11,055 --> 00:15:13,771
You shut up!
You're insane.
219
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:16,607
Archie is not fucking
Mr. Weatherbee!
220
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:20,107
Deny, deny, deny.
221
00:15:20,231 --> 00:15:24,198
- Where's Alyssa?
- She left, said she'd call you later.
222
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,930
Look, he's just offering to help Archie
with his fuckin' homework!
223
00:15:27,042 --> 00:15:29,307
Read between
the lines, bitch.
224
00:15:29,407 --> 00:15:32,685
Fuck this. Let's go.
Traffic.
225
00:15:33,837 --> 00:15:35,313
- Holden!
- What?
226
00:15:35,413 --> 00:15:39,139
- Let's go!
- See that dent in the hood of your car?
227
00:15:39,584 --> 00:15:41,390
Son of a bitch!
228
00:15:45,811 --> 00:15:48,815
Let me guess.
You like her.
229
00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:51,358
- Who?
- Miss Alyssa Jones.
230
00:15:54,365 --> 00:15:57,907
- She's all right.
- As long as that's all.
231
00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:25,187
This is one of the best streetlights
you've ever drawn.
232
00:16:25,621 --> 00:16:27,498
It's the one from across the street
from the post office.
233
00:16:27,709 --> 00:16:29,953
- Looks just like it.
- Thanks.
234
00:16:31,418 --> 00:16:33,935
So, uh, what do you want
to do tonight?
235
00:16:34,409 --> 00:16:37,586
I don't know. Get a pizza.
Watch Degrassi Junior High.
236
00:16:37,752 --> 00:16:40,381
You got a weird thing
for Canadian melodrama.
237
00:16:40,481 --> 00:16:43,092
I got a weird thing
for girls who say "aboot."
238
00:16:43,192 --> 00:16:45,592
Bank Holdup.
239
00:16:47,613 --> 00:16:52,664
Hooper here. Listen, I know how
you 'burb fiends hate the city,
240
00:16:52,764 --> 00:16:56,146
but there's a club shindig goin' down
tonight I think you'd really get into.
241
00:16:56,246 --> 00:17:00,508
- Where is it?
- Meow Mix. I'm temping as barkeep.
242
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,278
Oh, I don't know, Hoop.
243
00:17:03,378 --> 00:17:06,219
We're prepping the next issue. We got
that stupid meeting in the morning.
244
00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:09,210
- I told her you wouldn't be interested.
- Told who?
245
00:17:10,503 --> 00:17:11,903
Alyssa.
246
00:17:12,803 --> 00:17:14,248
Alyssa from last night Alyssa?
247
00:17:14,348 --> 00:17:16,800
How do you begin and end a question
with the same word like that?
248
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:19,034
You got skill.
Yes, that one!
249
00:17:19,650 --> 00:17:22,123
She asked me to invite you.
Now, here's the part where you say...
250
00:17:22,223 --> 00:17:26,465
- I'll be there.
- Thought so. 10:00. Later.
251
00:17:27,823 --> 00:17:32,771
- Who was that?
- Hooper. He invited me to a club.
252
00:17:33,476 --> 00:17:36,483
Man, when's that faggot gonna learn?
You like chicks.
253
00:17:36,715 --> 00:17:39,896
- Not that kind of club.
- So when we leavin'?
254
00:17:40,655 --> 00:17:43,824
We? You can't go.
He's hookin' me up with Alyssa.
255
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,286
- And?
- And I don't want you messing it up.
256
00:17:47,959 --> 00:17:50,748
I care about your shit.
Maybe I'll hook up myself.
257
00:17:50,848 --> 00:17:53,134
I told you. It's not
that kind of club.
258
00:17:54,218 --> 00:17:56,834
How does one man
get to be so funny?
259
00:17:56,999 --> 00:18:01,269
Look, how you gonna get
home when I hook up, huh?
260
00:18:01,476 --> 00:18:06,076
- Like that'll happen.
- Let me explain, my witless chum.
261
00:18:06,230 --> 00:18:08,528
The other night, we two,
Alyssa and I,
262
00:18:08,628 --> 00:18:11,030
we, uh, well,
we shared a moment.
263
00:18:11,130 --> 00:18:14,367
- Oh, you had a moment.
- No.
264
00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:17,182
We shared a moment,
all right?
265
00:18:17,282 --> 00:18:22,688
And in that moment, one thing
was made abundantly clear.
266
00:18:22,788 --> 00:18:26,191
This girl loves me,
my friend.
267
00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:29,987
Loves me. You know
what I'm sayin'?
268
00:18:30,087 --> 00:18:32,531
Ah, who's your daddy now
269
00:18:32,631 --> 00:18:34,888
Come on. Mmm.
270
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:36,890
- Ah
- Shut up!
271
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:40,756
It's your birthday
It's your birthday
272
00:18:40,923 --> 00:18:45,273
Go, Sheila, it's your birthday
Go, Sheila, it's your birthday
273
00:18:45,373 --> 00:18:48,589
All right.
Bring on the free hootch.
274
00:18:48,689 --> 00:18:52,259
Free? I didn't invite your tired ass.
So, where's your better half?
275
00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:55,429
Takin' a piss. The guy's got
a bladder like an infant.
276
00:18:55,529 --> 00:18:58,307
That's funny. He says
you're hung like an infant.
277
00:18:58,407 --> 00:19:01,080
Does his mother
tell him everything?
278
00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:03,896
- Hey!
- What'd you do, fall in love?
279
00:19:03,996 --> 00:19:05,990
- Where is she?
- Over there.
280
00:19:06,115 --> 00:19:11,153
Look at her in her net shirt. Been
dancin' for an hour. Hasn't stopped yet.
281
00:19:11,253 --> 00:19:14,198
She ain't no Deney Terrio,
I'll say that.
282
00:19:14,298 --> 00:19:18,223
Listen, if I'm not back by Tuesday,
call my mother. All right?
283
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:21,955
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
There's somethin' you should know.
284
00:19:22,055 --> 00:19:24,687
- She got a boyfriend?
- Well, no.
285
00:19:24,787 --> 00:19:29,096
Then what's to know, my friend?
What's to know?
286
00:19:38,439 --> 00:19:41,308
Hey, lady! You fucked up
my cabbage patch!
287
00:19:41,408 --> 00:19:45,896
Well, well, well, if it isn't Bluntman
himself, or should I call you Chronic?
288
00:19:45,996 --> 00:19:50,108
Call me flattered. I heard you sent me
the invite to this little soiree.
289
00:19:50,208 --> 00:19:53,862
From a former hometown girl
to Mr. Hometown himself.
290
00:19:53,962 --> 00:19:56,553
- You're saying you're from the 'burbs?
- Middletown, New Jersey
291
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:59,931
- Get outta here! I'm from Highlands!
- I know. Hooper told me.
292
00:20:00,031 --> 00:20:01,933
How is it that we never
ran into one another?
293
00:20:02,033 --> 00:20:03,935
- Did you graduate from Hudson?
- Yeah, '88.
294
00:20:04,035 --> 00:20:07,063
- I went to North.
- What a small fuckin' world.
295
00:20:07,163 --> 00:20:09,440
- So you know the tri-town area?
- Quiz me.
296
00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:11,505
- Miller Hill?
- I wrote my name on the wall.
297
00:20:11,605 --> 00:20:14,237
- Sandy Hook?
- Lost my virginity there.
298
00:20:14,337 --> 00:20:17,636
- This is so cool. The mall?
- Eton preppy or Menlo Park?
299
00:20:17,736 --> 00:20:20,973
Oh, no. Here's the big test.
Quick Stop?
300
00:20:21,073 --> 00:20:23,955
My best friend fucked
a dead guy in the bathroom.
301
00:20:24,055 --> 00:20:27,112
- You know that girl?
- I did, before she was committed.
302
00:20:29,865 --> 00:20:33,152
There's a lot of chicks
in this place.
303
00:20:33,252 --> 00:20:37,281
Chicks? You're such a man.
304
00:20:37,381 --> 00:20:40,325
You know what this is?
This is fate.
305
00:20:40,425 --> 00:20:44,580
No, this is "The Rog."
306
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,207
I'm talking about us meeting.
What are the chances?
307
00:20:47,307 --> 00:20:50,982
Pretty slim. I haven't been back
to the 'burbs since my friend's funeral.
308
00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:53,964
- The Quick Stop girl died?
- Uh-uh. Another girl.
309
00:20:54,064 --> 00:20:56,592
- Julie Dwyer. She died in the...
- The YMCA pool! Damn!
310
00:20:56,692 --> 00:20:58,927
- You knew her too?
- So well.
311
00:20:59,027 --> 00:21:02,389
Wow! One friend in the asylum,
the other friend in the grave.
312
00:21:02,489 --> 00:21:05,401
- You're a dangerous person to know.
- Ah, but I can tap.
313
00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:10,397
- That's the Buffalo two-step.
- Yeah, well, it's very solid.
314
00:21:10,497 --> 00:21:13,338
That's what six years
of tap lessons yields.
315
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:16,737
Two towns away from each other
for years, we had to meet in New York.
316
00:21:16,837 --> 00:21:20,332
Could have been worse.
Could have not met at all.
317
00:21:25,963 --> 00:21:28,832
Okay, we're back.
318
00:21:28,932 --> 00:21:31,001
Thank you. Thank you.
319
00:21:31,101 --> 00:21:34,087
So, a long time ago, we used
to have this bass player,
320
00:21:34,187 --> 00:21:37,508
who took off one day to draw
funny books or something.
321
00:21:37,608 --> 00:21:40,686
Maybe you've heard of her stuff?
Idiosyncratic Routine?
322
00:21:44,148 --> 00:21:46,391
But what a lot of people
don't know...
323
00:21:46,491 --> 00:21:49,394
is that she used to harbor
these delusions that she could sing,
324
00:21:49,494 --> 00:21:53,532
and she used to subject us to throaty
renditions of Debbie Gibson tunes.
325
00:21:55,951 --> 00:21:59,488
So, she's here tonight,
and I think if we all beg her...
326
00:21:59,588 --> 00:22:02,220
or maybe offer her
some "X,"
327
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,868
she'll come up here and treat us
to some of her vocal stylings.
328
00:22:04,968 --> 00:22:06,870
What do ya say, Alyssa?
329
00:22:06,970 --> 00:22:07,970
Yeah!
330
00:22:09,994 --> 00:22:12,794
Oh, she's shy!
331
00:22:14,242 --> 00:22:16,547
Get up here and sing, bitch!
332
00:22:16,647 --> 00:22:20,405
All right!
Go. Go up there.
333
00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:21,505
Whoo!
334
00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:24,507
Whoo! Yea!
335
00:22:27,817 --> 00:22:31,403
What am I doing here?
This is so fucking gay.
336
00:22:35,115 --> 00:22:37,410
She is such a cunt.
337
00:22:38,834 --> 00:22:42,073
You guys know the one
I wanna do, right?
338
00:22:43,069 --> 00:22:46,168
All right. I should
dedicate this, right?
339
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:52,141
This is for that
someone special out there.
340
00:22:53,069 --> 00:22:54,204
Ready?
341
00:22:55,091 --> 00:22:58,251
I'm feelin' awful
342
00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:02,144
But all alone
343
00:23:02,985 --> 00:23:06,985
Just missin' someone
344
00:23:07,552 --> 00:23:10,952
I don't even know
345
00:23:11,368 --> 00:23:14,959
But until I find him
346
00:23:15,059 --> 00:23:18,859
I'll wait patiently
347
00:23:19,042 --> 00:23:23,042
Just feelin' nothin'
348
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,280
Inside of me
349
00:23:26,738 --> 00:23:30,621
And where are you, baby
350
00:23:30,721 --> 00:23:33,624
Where can you be
351
00:23:33,724 --> 00:23:37,524
Why aren't you here
352
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,320
Lovin' me
353
00:23:41,607 --> 00:23:45,302
'Cause I want to kiss you
354
00:23:45,402 --> 00:23:49,389
And make you feel right
355
00:23:49,489 --> 00:23:52,997
I want to lay with you
356
00:23:53,097 --> 00:23:56,334
All through the night
357
00:23:56,434 --> 00:24:00,171
And I wanna feel passion
I wanna feel pain
358
00:24:00,271 --> 00:24:03,821
I wanna weep at
the sound of your name
359
00:24:03,921 --> 00:24:07,366
Come make me laugh
or come make me cry
360
00:24:07,466 --> 00:24:12,066
Just make me feel alive
361
00:24:14,452 --> 00:24:17,652
And so I'll wait
362
00:24:18,227 --> 00:24:21,755
For that glorious day
363
00:24:21,855 --> 00:24:25,008
When the one I dream of
364
00:24:25,108 --> 00:24:27,508
Comes my way
365
00:24:29,655 --> 00:24:33,142
And when our lips touch
366
00:24:33,242 --> 00:24:35,442
So tenderly
367
00:24:37,079 --> 00:24:41,316
I know I'll feel
somethin'
368
00:24:41,416 --> 00:24:43,816
Inside of me
369
00:24:47,256 --> 00:24:51,493
I wanna feel passion
I wanna feel pain
370
00:24:51,593 --> 00:24:55,080
I wanna weep at
the sound of your name
371
00:24:55,180 --> 00:24:58,542
Come make me laugh
or come make me cry
372
00:24:58,642 --> 00:25:02,042
Just make me feel
373
00:25:02,938 --> 00:25:03,938
Alive
374
00:25:09,151 --> 00:25:11,351
Yeah! Whoo!
375
00:25:15,422 --> 00:25:16,422
Whoo!
376
00:26:04,648 --> 00:26:05,648
Hot!
377
00:26:09,909 --> 00:26:14,543
Now, that, my friend,
is a shared moment.
378
00:26:30,750 --> 00:26:32,493
- What?
- It's rude.
379
00:26:32,593 --> 00:26:36,543
When are we gonna get a chance to see
this shit live without payin' for it?
380
00:26:38,090 --> 00:26:42,753
- Sorry. It's just new to him.
- Oh, and you're an old hand at this?
381
00:26:42,853 --> 00:26:47,883
No, no, I should apologize. I don't
normally get all mushy in public,
382
00:26:47,983 --> 00:26:51,011
but it's been a while
since I've seen Kim here.
383
00:26:51,111 --> 00:26:53,430
You know what?
I wanna dance.
384
00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:55,849
Go ahead.
I'll watch from here.
385
00:26:55,949 --> 00:26:58,989
No!
I wanna dance with you!
386
00:26:59,175 --> 00:27:03,115
Don't be a rag. I have to sit here and
work up the desire to fuck you later.
387
00:27:05,591 --> 00:27:06,991
Please!
388
00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:13,700
Yes?
389
00:27:13,885 --> 00:27:15,820
You said "fuck."
She said "fuck."
390
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,231
You said "fuck" to that girl.
You said that you'd fuck her.
391
00:27:18,331 --> 00:27:21,013
- And?
- How can a girl fuck another girl?
392
00:27:21,113 --> 00:27:23,015
Were you talking about
strap-ons or something?
393
00:27:23,115 --> 00:27:25,017
- Oh, Jesus. Would you shut up?
- What?
394
00:27:25,117 --> 00:27:26,498
It's okay.
395
00:27:26,598 --> 00:27:29,355
I don't know how many times
I can apologize for him.
396
00:27:29,455 --> 00:27:33,004
No, Banky, I've never
used a strap-on.
397
00:27:33,104 --> 00:27:35,006
Then what's with
saying "fuck"?
398
00:27:35,106 --> 00:27:39,699
Shouldn't you say "eat her out" or
modify the term "fuck" with "fist"?
399
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:44,419
Let me ask you a question.
Can men fuck each other?
400
00:27:44,666 --> 00:27:48,607
- You asking for my permission?
- In your estimation.
401
00:27:49,183 --> 00:27:50,183
Sure.
402
00:27:50,283 --> 00:27:53,650
So, for you,
to fuck is to penetrate.
403
00:27:53,750 --> 00:27:56,611
You're used to the more
traditional definition.
404
00:27:56,711 --> 00:28:00,386
You, inside some girl you've
duped, jackhammerin' away,
405
00:28:00,486 --> 00:28:02,430
not noticing that
bored look in her eyes.
406
00:28:02,530 --> 00:28:07,080
Hey, I always notice that bored look
in their eyes, all right?
407
00:28:07,180 --> 00:28:10,625
Fucking is not limited
to penetration, Banky.
408
00:28:10,725 --> 00:28:15,130
For me, it describes any sex
when it's not totally about love.
409
00:28:15,230 --> 00:28:18,112
I don't love Kim,
but I'll fuck her.
410
00:28:18,212 --> 00:28:20,134
I'm sure you don't love
every girl you sleep with.
411
00:28:20,234 --> 00:28:22,262
Some of them
I downright loathe.
412
00:28:22,362 --> 00:28:25,745
Aha, but I'll bet it's different
with the ones you do love.
413
00:28:25,845 --> 00:28:27,747
Like, you'll go down
on 'em longer.
414
00:28:27,847 --> 00:28:29,415
- Here we go.
- I don't do that.
415
00:28:29,515 --> 00:28:32,689
- What?
- I stopped. It got to be frustrating.
416
00:28:32,789 --> 00:28:36,401
As stupid as you usually come off
during this little diatribe of yours,
417
00:28:36,501 --> 00:28:38,708
you're gonna come off ten times
as stupid on this occasion.
418
00:28:38,808 --> 00:28:41,594
I lost my tolerance for the baggage
that comes with eating girls out.
419
00:28:41,694 --> 00:28:43,596
What's the big deal?
420
00:28:43,696 --> 00:28:46,432
If you say the smell,
so help me, I will slug you.
421
00:28:46,532 --> 00:28:48,538
Not the smell.
The smell is good.
422
00:28:48,638 --> 00:28:51,270
I'm talkin' about not being
able to do it properly.
423
00:28:51,370 --> 00:28:53,272
My mother
brought me up to believe...
424
00:28:53,372 --> 00:28:56,087
if I can't do something right,
I shouldn't do it at all.
425
00:28:56,187 --> 00:28:59,674
Of course, my father told me she gave
lousy head, but that's beside the point.
426
00:28:59,774 --> 00:29:03,178
Well, at least you blame yourself
for your sexual inadequacies.
427
00:29:03,278 --> 00:29:05,472
No. I blame them.
428
00:29:05,572 --> 00:29:10,289
Chicks never help you out.
They never tell you what to do, right?
429
00:29:10,780 --> 00:29:13,980
And most of them are all self-conscious
about the smell factor.
430
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:18,527
And, so, most of the time, they just lay
there frozen like a deer in headlights.
431
00:29:18,627 --> 00:29:21,238
I mean, not for nothin',
but when a chick goes down on me,
432
00:29:21,338 --> 00:29:24,407
I let her know where to go
and what the status is.
433
00:29:24,507 --> 00:29:27,594
You gotta handle it like
CNN and the Weather Channel.
434
00:29:28,595 --> 00:29:30,705
Constant updates.
435
00:29:30,805 --> 00:29:32,958
You are such an idiot.
436
00:29:33,058 --> 00:29:36,482
No, no, he's got a point.
I mean, that's how I was in high school.
437
00:29:36,582 --> 00:29:40,173
You know, all nervous and
inhibited about being eaten out.
438
00:29:40,273 --> 00:29:43,718
But by the time I got
to college, that all changed.
439
00:29:43,818 --> 00:29:45,887
I've loosened up.
440
00:29:45,987 --> 00:29:48,642
I was like one of those guys at
the airport with those big flashlights,
441
00:29:48,742 --> 00:29:52,498
wavin' 'em this way, directin' 'em
that way, tellin' 'em when to stop.
442
00:29:52,598 --> 00:29:56,022
And that's all I'm sayin'. It would
be different if chicks helped out.
443
00:29:56,122 --> 00:29:58,546
You know, pointed a guy
in the right direction.
444
00:29:58,646 --> 00:30:04,051
There'd be no bullshit, no wasted time
and no chance for permanent injuries.
445
00:30:04,358 --> 00:30:06,053
Permanent injuries?
446
00:30:06,153 --> 00:30:09,351
Sure. You wanna see
somethin' permanent?
447
00:30:09,803 --> 00:30:11,913
- See that?
- Uh-huh.
448
00:30:12,013 --> 00:30:14,749
I got that from Nina Rollins,
sophomore year.
449
00:30:14,849 --> 00:30:16,751
I'm goin' down on her,
right?
450
00:30:16,851 --> 00:30:19,066
Out of nowhere, her cat jumps on her.
451
00:30:19,166 --> 00:30:24,530
She does this big pelvic thrust, cracks
my tooth and sends it down my throat.
452
00:30:24,630 --> 00:30:27,604
I had to get a crown
for the stub.
453
00:30:28,939 --> 00:30:32,038
I got that beat.
I got that beat.
454
00:30:32,138 --> 00:30:36,980
Junior year, I'm goin' down
on Cynthia Slater in her dorm room.
455
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:42,256
I'm totally drunk, and in the middle
of it, I fall asleep right in her lap.
456
00:30:42,356 --> 00:30:44,258
She got so mad,
she digs her heel into my back.
457
00:30:44,358 --> 00:30:48,617
- Ow!
- Right there. That's permanent.
458
00:30:48,717 --> 00:30:52,421
All right. All right.
See this?
459
00:30:54,464 --> 00:30:56,938
That's the farthest I can
move my neck to the right.
460
00:30:57,038 --> 00:31:01,129
Again, sophomore year,
I'm goin' out with Brandy Svining.
461
00:31:01,229 --> 00:31:05,008
And for six months, I'm goin' down
on her. Not a damn thing's happening.
462
00:31:05,108 --> 00:31:08,783
So, one night, I change a position
or vary my lapping speed,
463
00:31:08,883 --> 00:31:13,058
and suddenly it's
a whole new world.
464
00:31:13,158 --> 00:31:16,082
She's movin' around,
convulsing, breathing heavy,
465
00:31:16,182 --> 00:31:18,793
and her legs are pressed up
against my ears so tightly...
466
00:31:18,893 --> 00:31:22,755
that I don't hear her father
come into the room.
467
00:31:22,855 --> 00:31:25,954
He grabs my hair and
pulls me way back, hard.
468
00:31:30,709 --> 00:31:33,504
Senior year,
spring formal.
469
00:31:33,814 --> 00:31:36,640
I'm eatin' out Missy Kurt
in her brother's car.
470
00:31:36,826 --> 00:31:41,378
She's layin' across the backseat. I'm
half hangin' out, knees on the ground.
471
00:31:41,478 --> 00:31:46,320
She's flailin' around, and she...
she knocks the parking brake off.
472
00:31:46,420 --> 00:31:50,804
The car starts
rolling down the hill.
473
00:31:50,904 --> 00:31:54,015
And my left knee
is cut up to shit...
474
00:31:54,115 --> 00:31:59,696
like a kiddy's scissors class
cut it up for paper dolls!
475
00:32:15,674 --> 00:32:16,872
Whoa! Hey!
Look at the time.
476
00:32:16,972 --> 00:32:18,874
We gotta... We gotta
beat that traffic, huh?
477
00:32:18,974 --> 00:32:21,188
What traffic?
It's 1:30 in the morning.
478
00:32:21,288 --> 00:32:24,587
And rush hour
starts in six hours. Let's go.
479
00:32:25,309 --> 00:32:29,176
Uh, thanks for inviting us out.
It was educational.
480
00:32:29,724 --> 00:32:30,876
Come on.
481
00:32:36,965 --> 00:32:38,268
Since you like
chicks, right,
482
00:32:38,368 --> 00:32:41,029
you just look at yourself naked
in the mirror all the time?
483
00:32:50,458 --> 00:32:52,220
Look, here's the deal.
484
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:54,812
When we get in there, don't be a
complete Potzer, like last night.
485
00:32:54,912 --> 00:32:56,724
This is business now, okay?
486
00:32:56,824 --> 00:33:01,124
Oh, why are you in such a bad mood?
Still dwelling on that dyke?
487
00:33:01,224 --> 00:33:03,335
- Hey, knock it off, will you?
- What'd I tell you?
488
00:33:03,435 --> 00:33:05,921
She just needs
the right guy.
489
00:33:06,021 --> 00:33:10,842
All every woman really wants
is some serious deep-dicking.
490
00:33:10,942 --> 00:33:12,142
Sorry.
491
00:33:16,308 --> 00:33:18,955
See, that's why
I can't buy lesbians.
492
00:33:19,055 --> 00:33:21,228
Everyone needs dick.
493
00:33:21,328 --> 00:33:23,918
See, I can buy fags,
a bunch of guys that need dick.
494
00:33:24,018 --> 00:33:26,858
You know, just plain need it.
That I get.
495
00:33:26,958 --> 00:33:30,758
Dykes?
Bullshit posturing.
496
00:33:30,858 --> 00:33:33,198
But, live and let live,
I guess.
497
00:33:33,298 --> 00:33:36,097
I'm sure the gay community
appreciates your support.
498
00:33:36,753 --> 00:33:40,101
We'd like to start off by saying that it
is a real pleasure to finally meet you.
499
00:33:40,201 --> 00:33:42,436
Absolute pleasure.
500
00:33:42,536 --> 00:33:45,498
One of the reasons we started this whole
thing was to finally meet the guys...
501
00:33:45,598 --> 00:33:47,796
that do Bluntman & Chronic.
502
00:33:47,896 --> 00:33:49,819
- Snootchie bootchies!
- Huh?
503
00:33:49,919 --> 00:33:53,260
Which now brings us
to our proposal.
504
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:56,012
Look, fellas, the days
of Butt-Head are over.
505
00:33:56,112 --> 00:34:00,767
We're interested in doing 12 half-hour
Bluntman & Chronic cartoons.
506
00:34:01,985 --> 00:34:03,182
What do you say?
507
00:34:03,347 --> 00:34:04,832
Are we in business?
508
00:34:09,825 --> 00:34:11,789
The boy wonder.
509
00:34:11,889 --> 00:34:16,585
Batman and Robin, the dynamic
duo against crime and corruption.
510
00:34:16,685 --> 00:34:19,567
Yeah, hi. Somebody told me
they make comic books here,
511
00:34:19,667 --> 00:34:23,258
which is so weird, because I have
this great idea for a story.
512
00:34:23,358 --> 00:34:26,553
It's about a guy who comes
to this club and...
513
00:34:26,653 --> 00:34:28,722
hightails it
when he finds out...
514
00:34:28,822 --> 00:34:30,399
Ready for this?
515
00:34:32,890 --> 00:34:35,446
This girl is gay.
516
00:34:37,470 --> 00:34:40,998
Any interest
in a story like that?
517
00:34:41,710 --> 00:34:43,821
- An animated series?
- Twelve episodes.
518
00:34:43,921 --> 00:34:47,283
- Well, that's great, isn't it?
- Banky seems to think so.
519
00:34:47,383 --> 00:34:49,910
- But you don't.
- Well, I...
520
00:34:50,010 --> 00:34:52,955
I don't know if that's the perception
I want people to have of our work.
521
00:34:53,055 --> 00:34:55,124
I know this sounds pretentious
as hell, but...
522
00:34:55,224 --> 00:34:57,334
I'd like to think of us
as artists, you know?
523
00:34:57,434 --> 00:35:00,442
I'd like to get back to doing something
more personal, like our first book.
524
00:35:00,542 --> 00:35:02,454
Well, when are you
gonna do that?
525
00:35:04,045 --> 00:35:05,941
When we have something
personal to say.
526
00:35:07,921 --> 00:35:09,972
I weirded you out
the other night.
527
00:35:10,438 --> 00:35:12,808
Uh, no, not really.
528
00:35:12,908 --> 00:35:15,575
- Oh, come on!
- Well, it's just...
529
00:35:15,679 --> 00:35:18,343
I'd never seen that kind of thing
up close and personal before.
530
00:35:18,443 --> 00:35:20,232
It just took a while
to process.
531
00:35:20,775 --> 00:35:22,318
You wanna talk about it?
532
00:35:23,374 --> 00:35:24,486
If you want to.
533
00:35:25,272 --> 00:35:27,108
I like you, Holden.
534
00:35:27,464 --> 00:35:29,742
I haven't liked a man
in a long time.
535
00:35:29,842 --> 00:35:34,476
And it's not because I'm a man-hater
or something like that.
536
00:35:34,576 --> 00:35:38,167
It's just been some time since I've
been exposed to a man that didn't...
537
00:35:38,267 --> 00:35:41,795
immediately live into
a stereotype of some sort.
538
00:35:41,895 --> 00:35:44,486
And I want you to feel
comfortable with me,
539
00:35:44,586 --> 00:35:47,368
because I'd really like us
to be friends.
540
00:35:47,651 --> 00:35:50,834
So if there's anything you
wanna know, it's okay to ask me.
541
00:35:51,927 --> 00:35:54,329
- Okay.
- Okay.
542
00:35:54,429 --> 00:35:57,629
Okay. Why girls?
543
00:35:59,405 --> 00:36:02,408
- Why men?
- Well, because that's the standard.
544
00:36:02,708 --> 00:36:05,694
If that's the only reason
you're attracted to women...
545
00:36:05,794 --> 00:36:07,842
No, it's more than that.
546
00:36:07,942 --> 00:36:10,032
So you've never been
curious about men?
547
00:36:10,132 --> 00:36:14,557
Curious? Well, I always wondered
why my father watched Hee Haw, but...
548
00:36:14,657 --> 00:36:16,851
- You know what I mean.
- No.
549
00:36:16,951 --> 00:36:18,853
- Why not?
- No interest.
550
00:36:18,953 --> 00:36:21,690
- Because?
- Girls feel right.
551
00:36:21,790 --> 00:36:26,069
Well, that's how I feel. You know,
I've never really been attracted to men.
552
00:36:26,169 --> 00:36:29,698
- Well, so, you're still a virgin then?
- No.
553
00:36:29,798 --> 00:36:31,700
But you've only
been with girls.
554
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,702
So you're saying
a person is a virgin...
555
00:36:33,802 --> 00:36:36,746
until they've had intercourse
with a member of the opposite sex.
556
00:36:36,846 --> 00:36:39,144
Isn't that
the standard definition?
557
00:36:39,244 --> 00:36:41,355
Again with your standards.
558
00:36:41,455 --> 00:36:44,817
I think virginity is lost
when you make love for the first time.
559
00:36:44,917 --> 00:36:47,695
- With a member of the opposite sex.
- Why? Why only then?
560
00:36:47,795 --> 00:36:50,333
Because that's the standard.
What do you want me to tell ya?
561
00:36:51,819 --> 00:36:55,035
So if a virgin is raped,
then she's still a virgin?
562
00:36:55,135 --> 00:36:57,579
- No, of course not.
- But rape is not the standard.
563
00:36:57,679 --> 00:37:00,937
So she's had sex, but not
the standard idea of sex.
564
00:37:01,037 --> 00:37:03,836
Hence, according to your definition,
she'd still be a virgin.
565
00:37:03,936 --> 00:37:06,714
- Okay, fine, I'll revise.
- Uh-huh.
566
00:37:06,814 --> 00:37:09,883
Virginity is
lost when the hymen is broken.
567
00:37:10,510 --> 00:37:13,178
- Then I lost my virginity at ten.
- Really?
568
00:37:13,278 --> 00:37:16,849
'Cause, see, I fell on a fence post
when I was ten, and it broke my hymen.
569
00:37:16,949 --> 00:37:19,977
Okay. Second revision.
570
00:37:20,077 --> 00:37:22,688
Virginity is lost
through penetration.
571
00:37:22,788 --> 00:37:25,128
Physical penetration
or emotional.
572
00:37:25,228 --> 00:37:27,130
- Emotional penetration?
- Mmm.
573
00:37:27,230 --> 00:37:30,279
I fell in love hard with Caitlin Bree
when we were in high school.
574
00:37:30,379 --> 00:37:31,447
Physical penetration.
575
00:37:31,547 --> 00:37:34,208
- We had sex.
- Yeah, but not real sex.
576
00:37:36,210 --> 00:37:39,288
I move to have that remark
stricken from the record,
577
00:37:39,388 --> 00:37:43,459
on account of it makes you come off
as completely naive and infantile.
578
00:37:43,559 --> 00:37:46,754
Well, where's the penetration
in lesbian sex? I...
579
00:37:46,854 --> 00:37:51,392
A finger? I've had my finger up my
ass. I wouldn't say I've had anal sex.
580
00:37:53,477 --> 00:37:55,077
Observe.
581
00:37:58,482 --> 00:38:03,228
You're kidding me!
How?
582
00:38:03,328 --> 00:38:05,981
Our bodies are built to pass
a child, for Christ's sake.
583
00:38:06,081 --> 00:38:08,567
Yeah, but I mean... Jesus!
Doesn't that hurt?
584
00:38:08,667 --> 00:38:11,946
- Sure, but in that good way.
- Oh.
585
00:38:12,046 --> 00:38:16,075
And it's only a once-in-a-while thing
reserved for really special occasions.
586
00:38:16,175 --> 00:38:20,245
- How about not-so-special occasions?
- Tongue only.
587
00:38:20,345 --> 00:38:23,582
Well, but see... Come on.
That's what I'm sayin'.
588
00:38:23,682 --> 00:38:26,927
It's like, how can that be enough?
How big can a tongue really get?
589
00:38:30,931 --> 00:38:32,331
My God.
590
00:38:32,941 --> 00:38:34,741
Let's go.
591
00:38:40,107 --> 00:38:42,372
Come on. Come on.
592
00:38:42,472 --> 00:38:44,945
You're really gonna have
to give me a minute, I think.
593
00:38:45,071 --> 00:38:47,877
Would you stop futzing with
your fuckin' bag? We're late already.
594
00:38:47,977 --> 00:38:50,205
- I have to get something.
- Look, man, we miss this train,
595
00:38:50,305 --> 00:38:53,737
I'm gonna shitcan you
and just hire Charles Schulz.
596
00:38:53,837 --> 00:38:57,116
Oh, my God. Who are you?
Larry Fucking Flynt?
597
00:38:57,216 --> 00:38:59,827
- What are you gonna do with all those?
- Read the articles.
598
00:38:59,927 --> 00:39:03,747
What do you think I'm gonna do
with 'em? They're stroke books, stupid.
599
00:39:03,847 --> 00:39:06,834
You got, like, 30 books in there.
We're only gonna be gone for two days.
600
00:39:06,934 --> 00:39:09,733
Variety is the spice of life.
I like a wide selection.
601
00:39:09,833 --> 00:39:12,068
Sometimes I'm in the mood
for nasty close-ups.
602
00:39:12,168 --> 00:39:14,425
Sometimes I like 'em
arty and airbrushed.
603
00:39:14,525 --> 00:39:16,760
Sometimes it's a spread
brown-eye kind of night.
604
00:39:16,860 --> 00:39:19,242
Sometimes it's girl-on-girl time.
605
00:39:19,342 --> 00:39:21,244
Sometimes
a steamy letter will do.
606
00:39:21,344 --> 00:39:24,247
Sometimes, not often,
but sometimes...
607
00:39:24,347 --> 00:39:28,585
I like the idea
of a chick with a horse.
608
00:39:28,685 --> 00:39:31,150
Go get our tickets.
I gotta call Alyssa.
609
00:39:31,250 --> 00:39:33,994
- His master's voice.
- Put that stuff away!
610
00:39:43,337 --> 00:39:44,337
Hi.
611
00:40:02,523 --> 00:40:06,936
One minute, five seconds.
Ah, you are such my bitch.
612
00:40:07,036 --> 00:40:08,938
What's up?
I'm about to get on a train.
613
00:40:09,038 --> 00:40:12,191
- Oh! Why?
- Last-minute invite to the Boston Con.
614
00:40:12,291 --> 00:40:15,291
- Shit.
- What?
615
00:40:16,211 --> 00:40:18,822
Well, my sister's at my parents',
and I was gonna go see her.
616
00:40:18,922 --> 00:40:20,845
- The one that wrote the book?
- Yeah.
617
00:40:20,945 --> 00:40:25,475
But I was stayin' all weekend. I
wanted to hang out with you. This sucks.
618
00:40:25,575 --> 00:40:29,792
You know, um, both of us
don't have to go.
619
00:40:29,892 --> 00:40:31,815
- Really?
- Yeah. Banky can do this by himself.
620
00:40:31,915 --> 00:40:35,103
I mean, you know, it's not like we're on
a panel. It's just a signing appearance.
621
00:40:35,203 --> 00:40:37,925
If you come pick me up,
I'll be your best friend.
622
00:40:38,924 --> 00:40:40,219
Where's your apartment?
623
00:40:40,636 --> 00:40:44,223
And then Black Beauty
couldn't take it any longer,
624
00:40:44,323 --> 00:40:49,770
and he finally did
some of his own mounting.
625
00:40:49,870 --> 00:40:51,814
What are you doing?
626
00:40:51,914 --> 00:40:54,024
I think I want kids of my own
one day. They're fun.
627
00:40:54,124 --> 00:40:57,486
Listen to me. I'm not going. You're
gonna have to do this one by yourself.
628
00:40:57,586 --> 00:40:59,590
- What? Why?
- Alyssa's comin' down for the weekend.
629
00:40:59,690 --> 00:41:02,053
I'm gonna hang out with her.
You don't need me for this.
630
00:41:02,153 --> 00:41:05,119
Look, I'll take the bags.
You can, uh, keep the filth.
631
00:41:05,219 --> 00:41:07,121
I'll pick you up
at 9:00 Sunday night.
632
00:41:07,221 --> 00:41:10,061
Don't forget to plug the annual,
and don't mention the TV show, okay?
633
00:41:10,161 --> 00:41:12,626
Call me if you get bored.
634
00:41:12,726 --> 00:41:14,678
All aboard!
635
00:41:17,264 --> 00:41:19,529
Explain this again.
636
00:41:19,629 --> 00:41:22,182
How could you have grown up
on the shore and never played skee-ball?
637
00:41:22,282 --> 00:41:24,138
What did you do
with your youth?
638
00:41:24,238 --> 00:41:26,640
Stayed out late,
smoked pot, screwed around.
639
00:41:26,740 --> 00:41:28,806
Not your grade school years,
your high school years.
640
00:41:28,906 --> 00:41:32,396
- This looks complicated.
- Jesus. Potzer, uh...
641
00:41:32,496 --> 00:41:35,107
- The premise is very basic, okay?
- Uh-huh.
642
00:41:35,207 --> 00:41:38,315
You roll the ball up the rampart in an
effort to pop it into the score circle.
643
00:41:38,415 --> 00:41:40,234
The higher the score,
the more prize tickets you get.
644
00:41:40,334 --> 00:41:41,989
Well, what do you do
with the prize tickets?
645
00:41:42,089 --> 00:41:44,491
You trade them in
for prizes,
646
00:41:44,591 --> 00:41:47,315
which are not worth nearly as much
as you've paid to play the game.
647
00:41:47,761 --> 00:41:51,040
- Well, what's the point?
- It's fun.
648
00:41:51,140 --> 00:41:53,938
And you question
my lifestyle.
649
00:41:54,038 --> 00:41:55,638
Observe.
650
00:42:02,893 --> 00:42:04,678
See? It's just that simple.
651
00:42:04,778 --> 00:42:07,395
Well, why not just walk up there
and put it in the 50 every time...
652
00:42:07,495 --> 00:42:11,644
- Well, where's the skill in that?
- Oh, this is a skill.
653
00:42:11,744 --> 00:42:14,042
I'm sorry.
I had no idea.
654
00:42:14,142 --> 00:42:16,073
Just toss one.
655
00:42:20,982 --> 00:42:25,699
Uh, I'm sorry there, man.
She's a little new at this.
656
00:42:25,799 --> 00:42:28,223
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
657
00:42:28,323 --> 00:42:30,913
Underhand, okay?
Throw it underhand.
658
00:42:31,013 --> 00:42:33,540
And this is where you take
straight chicks on dates.
659
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:35,542
This place is like Spanish fly.
660
00:42:35,642 --> 00:42:38,014
This will probably be the first time
I don't score afterward.
661
00:42:38,114 --> 00:42:40,973
I don't know. I'm starting to get
a tingle in my bottom.
662
00:42:44,310 --> 00:42:46,136
- Ten.
- Very nice.
663
00:42:46,236 --> 00:42:48,147
- So, what'd you do last night?
- Got laid.
664
00:42:52,568 --> 00:42:55,917
Some more of that, uh, skill
you were tellin' me about?
665
00:42:56,017 --> 00:42:59,587
I never will regret this
666
00:42:59,687 --> 00:43:02,194
I never will, never will
Never will regret this
667
00:43:02,294 --> 00:43:04,196
Never will regret this
668
00:43:04,296 --> 00:43:08,793
I never will, never will
Never will regret this
669
00:43:17,468 --> 00:43:21,818
Well, give us today
and I'm not scared to say
670
00:43:21,918 --> 00:43:23,918
I'm afraid
671
00:43:24,858 --> 00:43:27,469
Yes, I have
a couple of hesitations
672
00:43:27,569 --> 00:43:29,847
And I'll open the door
673
00:43:29,947 --> 00:43:34,268
And I wonder
if she might come in
674
00:43:34,368 --> 00:43:39,628
And do you really need
an invitation now
675
00:43:39,728 --> 00:43:43,798
'Cause I think I'm feeling
really something today
676
00:43:43,898 --> 00:43:48,115
Yes, I think I feel
a little spark, hey
677
00:43:48,215 --> 00:43:51,139
Are you sure that
control is working, Banky?
678
00:43:51,239 --> 00:43:54,643
I thought you lived
in the city.
679
00:43:54,743 --> 00:43:56,645
It's like the umpteenth time
I've seen ya here.
680
00:43:56,745 --> 00:44:00,044
Isn't that grounds for the little pink
mafia to throw you outta their club?
681
00:44:00,144 --> 00:44:01,983
Hey! That's
the last time.
682
00:44:02,083 --> 00:44:05,820
I think I feel
a little spark, hey
683
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:09,261
A little jump start
Never will forget this
684
00:44:09,361 --> 00:44:12,264
I never will, never will
Never will forget this
685
00:44:12,364 --> 00:44:14,663
Never will forget this
686
00:44:14,763 --> 00:44:17,478
I never will, never will
Never will forget this
687
00:44:17,578 --> 00:44:19,730
Never will forget this
688
00:44:19,830 --> 00:44:22,524
I never will, never will
Never will forget this
689
00:44:22,624 --> 00:44:24,818
Never will forget this
690
00:44:24,918 --> 00:44:27,163
I never will, never will
Never will forget this
691
00:44:34,054 --> 00:44:36,559
Wow. How bad do you suck?
692
00:44:37,953 --> 00:44:40,367
How was your pseudo date?
693
00:44:40,768 --> 00:44:42,836
- Leave it alone.
- That chick bugs me.
694
00:44:42,936 --> 00:44:46,465
- No, everyone bugs you.
- Get off!
695
00:44:48,104 --> 00:44:50,094
Fuckin' faggot. Did you see that?
696
00:44:50,194 --> 00:44:53,262
Your dyke-courting ass
just got me scored on.
697
00:44:54,782 --> 00:44:57,580
You know, you should
watch that, man.
698
00:44:58,069 --> 00:45:00,437
If you're gonna get so bent
outta shape while playing the game...
699
00:45:00,537 --> 00:45:03,545
so much so that you feel
the need to curse the TV...
700
00:45:03,645 --> 00:45:05,922
try not to gay bash it,
all right?
701
00:45:06,022 --> 00:45:07,992
You're not
that kind of guy.
702
00:45:08,295 --> 00:45:12,593
And don't call her a dyke.
She's a lesbian. Okay?
703
00:45:20,391 --> 00:45:22,413
What the fuck
is goin' on here?
704
00:45:23,102 --> 00:45:25,392
- I'm starting a new page?
- Not with this shit! With you!
705
00:45:25,492 --> 00:45:27,402
What the fuck is goin' on
with you and that girl?
706
00:45:27,502 --> 00:45:30,634
- We're just friends!
- She's programming you!
707
00:45:30,734 --> 00:45:32,636
I beg your pardon?
Programming?
708
00:45:32,736 --> 00:45:35,222
Yeah, and apparently you don't
even fuckin' realize it.
709
00:45:35,322 --> 00:45:38,017
What does it matter
if I refer to her as a dyke?
710
00:45:38,117 --> 00:45:41,750
Or if I call the Whalers faggots
in the privacy of my own office...
711
00:45:41,850 --> 00:45:44,690
far from the sensitive ears
of the rest of the world?
712
00:45:44,790 --> 00:45:48,402
Look, man, it's
passive-aggressive gay bashing.
713
00:45:48,502 --> 00:45:50,487
And I know you're not really
prejudiced at heart.
714
00:45:50,587 --> 00:45:56,502
I think you should find some other way
to express your anger is all I'm saying.
715
00:46:09,761 --> 00:46:11,467
What are you doing?
716
00:46:11,567 --> 00:46:17,273
Just bear with me here. I want to
put you through this little exercise.
717
00:46:24,780 --> 00:46:28,859
All right, now, see this?
This is a four-way road, okay?
718
00:46:28,959 --> 00:46:33,447
And dead in the center is a crisp,
new hundred-dollar bill.
719
00:46:33,547 --> 00:46:37,534
Now, at the end of each of these streets
are four people. Okay? You following?
720
00:46:37,634 --> 00:46:39,536
- Yeah.
- Good.
721
00:46:39,636 --> 00:46:42,790
Over here we have a male-affectionate,
easy-to-get-along-with,
722
00:46:42,890 --> 00:46:45,668
nonpolitical-agenda
lesbian.
723
00:46:45,768 --> 00:46:49,672
Down here we have
a man-hating, angry-as-fuck,
724
00:46:49,772 --> 00:46:53,217
agenda-of-rage,
bitter dyke.
725
00:46:53,317 --> 00:46:58,138
Over here we got Santa Claus,
and up here, the Easter Bunny.
726
00:46:58,238 --> 00:47:02,810
Which one is going to get
to the hundred-dollar bill first?
727
00:47:02,910 --> 00:47:04,893
- What is this supposed to prove?
- No, I'm serious.
728
00:47:04,993 --> 00:47:07,898
This is a serious exercise.
It's like an S.A.T. question.
729
00:47:07,998 --> 00:47:11,068
Which one is going to get
to the hundred-dollar bill first?
730
00:47:11,168 --> 00:47:14,029
The male-friendly lesbian?
The man-hating dyke?
731
00:47:14,129 --> 00:47:16,255
Santa Claus
or the Easter Bunny?
732
00:47:17,822 --> 00:47:19,205
- The man-hating dyke.
- Good.
733
00:47:19,328 --> 00:47:20,828
- Why?
- I don't know.
734
00:47:20,928 --> 00:47:24,832
Because the other three are figments
of your fucking imagination!
735
00:47:24,932 --> 00:47:27,960
I don't need this. I'll be hiding
from your fuckin' shit in my room.
736
00:47:28,060 --> 00:47:30,713
- What?
- What is it about this girl, man?
737
00:47:30,813 --> 00:47:33,549
You know you have no shot
at getting her into bed!
738
00:47:33,649 --> 00:47:36,051
Why do you bother
wasting time with her?
739
00:47:36,151 --> 00:47:39,075
- Because you're Holden Fucking McNeil.
- Right.
740
00:47:39,175 --> 00:47:43,726
Most persistent traveller on the road.
That's not the path of least resistance.
741
00:47:43,826 --> 00:47:46,228
Everything's gotta be
a fuckin' challenge for you.
742
00:47:46,328 --> 00:47:48,647
And this little relationship
with that bitch...
743
00:47:48,747 --> 00:47:51,595
is a prime example
of your fucking condition.
744
00:47:51,834 --> 00:47:54,225
Well, I don't need a magic eight ball
to look into your future.
745
00:47:54,325 --> 00:47:58,713
You want a forecast? Here.
Will Holden ever fuck Alyssa?
746
00:47:59,091 --> 00:48:02,036
Oh, what a shock.
Not fucking likely.
747
00:48:02,136 --> 00:48:06,123
This relationship is affecting you,
our work and our friendship.
748
00:48:06,223 --> 00:48:09,752
The time's gonna come when I throw down
the gauntlet and say, "It's me or her."
749
00:48:09,852 --> 00:48:12,115
- Then what are you gonna say?
- I say you should let this one go!
750
00:48:12,215 --> 00:48:15,716
No. What would you say? Would you
trash 20 years of fuckin' friendship...
751
00:48:15,816 --> 00:48:18,052
because you've got
some idiotic notion...
752
00:48:18,152 --> 00:48:21,555
that this chick would even let you
sniff her panties, let alone fuck her?
753
00:48:21,655 --> 00:48:24,808
Look, fuckin' asshole,
I'm telling you, okay? Let it go!
754
00:48:24,908 --> 00:48:26,831
What the fuck, man?
755
00:48:26,931 --> 00:48:28,895
What the fuck makes this bitch
all that important?
756
00:48:28,995 --> 00:48:32,158
'Cause I'm fuckin' in love
with her, man, okay?
757
00:48:38,696 --> 00:48:39,696
Fuck.
758
00:48:46,005 --> 00:48:50,376
- Well, I thought it was love
- Thought it was love
759
00:48:50,476 --> 00:48:52,636
'Cause my heart...
760
00:48:57,057 --> 00:48:59,635
Wish you were the one being
pursued for the cartoon.
761
00:48:59,735 --> 00:49:01,303
Oh, really?
762
00:49:01,403 --> 00:49:04,691
Yeah, then maybe you could sell out and
pick up a check every once in a while.
763
00:49:05,595 --> 00:49:07,497
We're leaving?
764
00:49:07,597 --> 00:49:10,282
Well, it's not like
this is a bed and breakfast.
765
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:13,407
I've got a little business
to conduct.
766
00:49:19,038 --> 00:49:23,242
Hello there.
Let me ask you a question.
767
00:49:23,342 --> 00:49:27,726
Are you an authorized deal maker
in this establishment?
768
00:49:27,826 --> 00:49:30,749
Do you have the power
to negotiate?
769
00:49:30,849 --> 00:49:33,752
You wanna haggle over the price
of your French dip?
770
00:49:33,852 --> 00:49:39,174
No, I wanna haggle
over the price of fine art.
771
00:49:39,274 --> 00:49:42,344
- What do you mean?
- There. By the kitchen.
772
00:49:42,713 --> 00:49:45,681
See? That painting.
773
00:49:45,781 --> 00:49:50,144
- What about it?
- The price tag says 75.
774
00:49:50,244 --> 00:49:52,327
- So?
- Tell me you're kidding.
775
00:49:53,476 --> 00:49:55,154
I'll give you 50.
776
00:50:01,956 --> 00:50:06,666
Manuel, could you bring the Dyksiezski
down off the wall, please?
777
00:50:07,378 --> 00:50:09,997
My new Dyksiezski.
778
00:50:10,097 --> 00:50:13,959
- Where are you gonna hang it?
- I'm not. You are.
779
00:50:14,059 --> 00:50:15,961
Oh? You want me
to hang it for you?
780
00:50:16,061 --> 00:50:18,124
You better hope it doesn't
get out to the girl nation...
781
00:50:18,224 --> 00:50:19,965
you needed a man
to help you hang a picture.
782
00:50:20,065 --> 00:50:23,865
No, no, no. You're going
to hang it in your house.
783
00:50:23,965 --> 00:50:27,398
- Yeah, right.
- I'm serious.
784
00:50:32,028 --> 00:50:35,648
- Why?
- Because it's captured the moment.
785
00:50:35,748 --> 00:50:38,546
It'll be a constant reminder,
not just of tonight,
786
00:50:38,646 --> 00:50:43,280
but of our introduction, of the building
of our friendship, everything.
787
00:50:43,380 --> 00:50:47,847
Make no mistake about it, my friend,
it is a gift from me to you,
788
00:50:47,947 --> 00:50:51,213
so you'll always
remember us.
789
00:51:04,659 --> 00:51:06,165
Why are we stopping?
790
00:51:06,330 --> 00:51:09,879
- Because I can't take this.
- Can't take what?
791
00:51:10,291 --> 00:51:11,481
I love you.
792
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:21,360
You love me?
793
00:51:21,460 --> 00:51:25,197
I love you and not,
not in a friendly way.
794
00:51:25,297 --> 00:51:27,408
Although, I think
we're great friends.
795
00:51:27,508 --> 00:51:30,870
And not in a misplaced
affection, puppy dog way.
796
00:51:30,970 --> 00:51:33,038
Although, I'm sure
that's what you'll call it.
797
00:51:33,138 --> 00:51:36,563
I love you. Very...
798
00:51:36,663 --> 00:51:39,962
Very simple.
Very truly.
799
00:51:40,062 --> 00:51:44,842
You are the epitome of everything I have
ever looked for in another human being.
800
00:51:44,942 --> 00:51:46,907
And I know that you think of me
as just a friend,
801
00:51:47,007 --> 00:51:49,440
and crossing that line is the furthest
thing from an option...
802
00:51:49,540 --> 00:51:51,390
you would ever consider,
803
00:51:51,904 --> 00:51:55,890
but...
I had to say it.
804
00:51:56,453 --> 00:51:58,418
I just...
I can't take this anymore.
805
00:51:58,518 --> 00:52:01,525
I can't stand next to you
without wanting to hold you.
806
00:52:01,625 --> 00:52:03,976
I can't... I can't look into
your eyes without feeling that...
807
00:52:04,076 --> 00:52:07,093
that longing you only read about
in trashy romance novels.
808
00:52:07,193 --> 00:52:12,870
I can't talk to you without wanting to
express my love for everything you are.
809
00:52:12,970 --> 00:52:18,417
And I know this will probably queer
our friendship... no pun intended...
810
00:52:18,517 --> 00:52:22,517
but I had to say it.
811
00:52:24,210 --> 00:52:26,791
'Cause I've never
felt this way before.
812
00:52:27,714 --> 00:52:31,722
And I don't care.
I like who I am because of it.
813
00:52:33,199 --> 00:52:36,879
And if bringing this to light
means we can't hang out anymore,
814
00:52:37,189 --> 00:52:38,901
then that hurts me.
815
00:52:39,893 --> 00:52:42,337
But, God, I just... I couldn't
allow another day to go by...
816
00:52:42,437 --> 00:52:45,813
without just getting it out there,
regardless of the outcome,
817
00:52:46,720 --> 00:52:51,631
which, by the look on your face,
is to be the inevitable...
818
00:52:52,009 --> 00:52:53,487
shoot down.
819
00:52:54,803 --> 00:52:58,212
And, you know,
I'll accept that.
820
00:53:00,142 --> 00:53:03,927
But I know... I know that some part
of you is hesitating for a moment.
821
00:53:04,063 --> 00:53:07,413
And if there's a moment of hesitation,
then that means you feel something too.
822
00:53:07,578 --> 00:53:09,698
And all I ask, please,
is that you just...
823
00:53:09,798 --> 00:53:14,902
you just not dismiss that and try
to dwell in it for just ten seconds.
824
00:53:16,609 --> 00:53:17,609
Ah.
825
00:53:19,820 --> 00:53:21,220
Alyssa.
826
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:27,446
There isn't another soul
on this fucking planet...
827
00:53:27,795 --> 00:53:31,655
who has ever made me half the person
I am when I'm with you.
828
00:53:31,902 --> 00:53:36,328
And I would risk this friendship for the
chance to take it to the next plateau,
829
00:53:36,428 --> 00:53:38,456
because it is there
between you and me.
830
00:53:38,556 --> 00:53:40,113
You can't deny that.
831
00:53:51,233 --> 00:53:53,214
Even if, you know...
832
00:53:57,483 --> 00:54:00,208
Even if we never talk again
after tonight,
833
00:54:01,537 --> 00:54:05,407
please know that
I am forever changed...
834
00:54:06,083 --> 00:54:09,966
because of who you are
and what you've meant to me,
835
00:54:10,546 --> 00:54:13,783
which, while I do
appreciate it,
836
00:54:14,717 --> 00:54:18,858
I'd never need a painting of birds
bought at a diner to remind me of.
837
00:54:35,033 --> 00:54:36,633
Oh, God.
838
00:54:38,240 --> 00:54:40,108
Was it something I said?
839
00:54:41,511 --> 00:54:42,511
Fuck.
840
00:54:49,701 --> 00:54:52,279
- What are you doing?
- Get in the car and get outta here!
841
00:54:52,379 --> 00:54:54,573
- You're gonna hitch to New York?
- Yep!
842
00:54:54,673 --> 00:54:57,827
- Aren't you at least gonna comment?
- Here's my comment: Fuck you!
843
00:54:57,927 --> 00:54:59,870
- Why?
- That was so unfair.
844
00:54:59,970 --> 00:55:01,309
You know how unfair that was.
845
00:55:01,409 --> 00:55:03,311
What? It's unfair
that I'm in love with you?
846
00:55:03,411 --> 00:55:05,856
No, it's unfortunate
that you're in love with me.
847
00:55:05,956 --> 00:55:09,359
It's unfair you felt the fuckin' need
to unburden your soul about it.
848
00:55:09,459 --> 00:55:12,675
Do you remember for
one fucking second who I am?
849
00:55:12,775 --> 00:55:15,094
So? I mean, you know,
people change.
850
00:55:15,194 --> 00:55:17,096
Oh! Oh!
It's that simple!
851
00:55:17,196 --> 00:55:19,974
You fall in love with me and
want a romantic relationship.
852
00:55:20,074 --> 00:55:21,976
Nothing changes for you...
853
00:55:22,076 --> 00:55:24,520
with the exception of feeling
hunky-dory all the time.
854
00:55:24,620 --> 00:55:28,545
But what about me, Holden?
It's not that simple!
855
00:55:28,645 --> 00:55:31,006
I just can't get into
a relationship with you...
856
00:55:31,106 --> 00:55:34,196
without throwing my whole
fucking world into upheaval.
857
00:55:34,296 --> 00:55:38,513
That's every relationship. There's
always gonna be a period of adjustment.
858
00:55:38,613 --> 00:55:41,162
Period of adjustment?
859
00:55:41,262 --> 00:55:45,541
There's no period of adjustment,
Holden! I am fucking gay!
860
00:55:45,641 --> 00:55:47,668
That's who I am!
861
00:55:47,768 --> 00:55:53,430
You assume I can turn all that around
because you've got a fucking crush?
862
00:55:55,726 --> 00:55:59,207
If this is a crush, I don't think I could
take it if the real thing ever happened.
863
00:56:01,490 --> 00:56:03,271
Go home, Holden.
864
00:57:28,704 --> 00:57:33,015
You're back with
Chaz and Stu and the New Zoo Review.
865
00:57:33,165 --> 00:57:37,078
As always behind us we got wacky...
866
00:57:55,998 --> 00:57:58,507
I take it
that's not good.
867
00:57:58,846 --> 00:58:00,807
Stay here.
868
00:58:02,194 --> 00:58:04,994
Be right back.
869
00:58:25,397 --> 00:58:27,543
Catholic schoolgirls.
870
00:58:28,905 --> 00:58:31,112
The uniform's
what does it for me.
871
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:36,621
I wish I'd went with more
Catholic schoolgirls when I was a kid.
872
00:58:37,208 --> 00:58:41,778
As it stands, I have no "And then she
unzipped her jumper" stories.
873
00:58:43,305 --> 00:58:45,471
You seemed
weirded-out back there.
874
00:58:46,812 --> 00:58:51,207
- That's my couch you were fucking on.
- Sorry.
875
00:58:51,454 --> 00:58:55,085
I wanted to watch some TV.
Hard to do when your best friend is...
876
00:58:55,185 --> 00:58:57,664
wrapped around a naked
rug-muncher on your couch.
877
00:58:58,902 --> 00:59:00,924
She had boxers on.
878
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:09,413
- This is all gonna end badly.
- You don't know that.
879
00:59:09,513 --> 00:59:13,166
I know you. You're way
too conservative for that girl.
880
00:59:13,266 --> 00:59:16,995
She's been around and seen things
we've only read about in books.
881
00:59:17,854 --> 00:59:21,080
We have read about them,
so we're prepared.
882
00:59:21,691 --> 00:59:23,803
There's no "we" here.
883
00:59:26,688 --> 00:59:28,817
You're gonna have to
go through this alone.
884
00:59:29,303 --> 00:59:31,247
It's one thing
to read about shit,
885
00:59:31,347 --> 00:59:34,655
something different when you're forced
to deal with it on a regular basis.
886
00:59:35,539 --> 00:59:39,317
When you are walking in a mall and your
heads turn at a nice-looking chick,
887
00:59:39,417 --> 00:59:41,608
it's gonna eat you up
inside.
888
00:59:42,546 --> 00:59:46,023
You'll spend most of your time wondering
when the other shoe's gonna drop.
889
00:59:47,175 --> 00:59:50,851
'Cause for you this isn't
about cool, weird sex stuff.
890
00:59:51,304 --> 00:59:52,707
It's about love.
891
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:55,616
Maybe it is
for her as well.
892
00:59:56,831 --> 00:59:58,959
Somehow I doubt it.
893
01:00:00,147 --> 01:00:02,528
Everybody's not out
to get someone in life, Bank.
894
01:00:03,045 --> 01:00:06,736
Everybody has an agenda,
all right? Everyone.
895
01:00:07,232 --> 01:00:08,470
Yourself?
896
01:00:08,676 --> 01:00:11,579
- My agenda is to watch your back.
- To what end?
897
01:00:11,679 --> 01:00:14,582
To insure that all this time we've
spent together, building something,
898
01:00:14,682 --> 01:00:15,750
wasn't wasted.
899
01:00:15,850 --> 01:00:18,558
Oh, she's not gonna
ruin the comic.
900
01:00:22,369 --> 01:00:24,541
I wasn't talkin'
about the comic.
901
01:00:27,718 --> 01:00:29,806
I'm gonna go get a bagel.
902
01:00:29,906 --> 01:00:32,835
Clean off my fucking couch
so I can watch TV.
903
01:00:44,367 --> 01:00:46,712
From what I understand,
when you sign with a publisher...
904
01:00:46,812 --> 01:00:49,616
someone else does all this work for you,
and you just sit back and collect.
905
01:00:49,716 --> 01:00:52,954
And miss these late-night cram sessions
with my nearest and dearest?
906
01:00:53,054 --> 01:00:55,435
- Never.
- I don't know what she's bitching about.
907
01:00:55,535 --> 01:00:58,105
All she's done since
we got here is pound Merlot.
908
01:00:58,205 --> 01:00:59,272
Yeah, you're a real help.
909
01:00:59,372 --> 01:01:02,004
I'd like to know
why we're here at all...
910
01:01:02,104 --> 01:01:04,066
when we haven't seen
Princess Funny Book in a month.
911
01:01:04,166 --> 01:01:09,041
- Yeah. Who you shackin' up with?
- "Shacking up with"? Please.
912
01:01:11,105 --> 01:01:12,994
I'm so in love!
913
01:01:13,094 --> 01:01:14,094
Ohh!
914
01:01:15,388 --> 01:01:19,710
I know, I know. I feel like such a goon,
but I can't help it.
915
01:01:19,810 --> 01:01:22,713
- We have such a great time together.
- Who is it?
916
01:01:22,813 --> 01:01:24,715
Someone you guys don't know.
917
01:01:24,815 --> 01:01:26,819
That chick you left
the restaurant with that night.
918
01:01:26,919 --> 01:01:28,802
They're not from around here.
919
01:01:28,902 --> 01:01:30,804
Don't even tell me
you met her down the shore.
920
01:01:30,904 --> 01:01:33,536
Ew, a bridge-and-tunnel
Jersey dyke.
921
01:01:33,636 --> 01:01:36,143
With huge hair and acid-washed jeans.
922
01:01:36,243 --> 01:01:40,230
For your information, they don't have
big hair or wear acid-wash.
923
01:01:40,330 --> 01:01:42,324
They're from my hometown.
924
01:01:47,121 --> 01:01:49,239
Why are you playing
the pronoun game?
925
01:01:49,339 --> 01:01:53,056
- What are you talking about? I'm not.
- You are.
926
01:01:53,156 --> 01:01:58,498
I met "someone." "We" have a great
time. "They're" from my hometown.
927
01:01:58,598 --> 01:02:00,759
Doesn't this tube
of wonderful have a name?
928
01:02:07,975 --> 01:02:09,375
Holden.
929
01:02:24,825 --> 01:02:26,225
Well...
930
01:02:29,746 --> 01:02:31,707
here's to the both of you.
931
01:02:35,377 --> 01:02:37,528
Another one bites the dust.
932
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:48,483
Can I ask you a question?
933
01:02:49,191 --> 01:02:52,052
Don't even tell me
you want to do it again.
934
01:02:55,189 --> 01:02:59,149
Why me?
You know? Why now?
935
01:02:59,701 --> 01:03:03,146
Well, because you were givin' me
that look and I got all wet.
936
01:03:03,246 --> 01:03:04,637
You know what I mean.
937
01:03:05,540 --> 01:03:06,989
Why not you?
938
01:03:08,084 --> 01:03:12,786
Well, I'm a guy. I mean...
you're attracted to girls.
939
01:03:13,298 --> 01:03:15,551
I see you've been
taking notes.
940
01:03:15,905 --> 01:03:18,893
Historically, yes.
That's true.
941
01:03:20,522 --> 01:03:21,965
Then why this?
942
01:03:26,512 --> 01:03:29,497
Well, I've given that
a lot of thought, you know.
943
01:03:29,919 --> 01:03:32,864
Now that I'm being ostracized
by my friends,
944
01:03:32,964 --> 01:03:34,778
I've had plenty of time
to think about it.
945
01:03:35,913 --> 01:03:38,357
And what I've come up with
is really simple.
946
01:03:39,733 --> 01:03:42,432
I came to this
on my own terms.
947
01:03:43,161 --> 01:03:45,878
You know, I didn't just
heed what I was taught:
948
01:03:46,144 --> 01:03:49,757
Men and women should be
together, it's the natural way,
949
01:03:50,085 --> 01:03:51,448
that kind of thing.
950
01:03:52,087 --> 01:03:56,283
I'm not with you because of
what family, society, life...
951
01:03:56,978 --> 01:03:59,453
tried to instill in me
from day one.
952
01:04:01,784 --> 01:04:03,600
The way the world is,
953
01:04:04,266 --> 01:04:08,675
how seldom it is that you meet
that one person who...
954
01:04:09,354 --> 01:04:10,883
just gets you.
955
01:04:11,982 --> 01:04:13,338
It's so rare.
956
01:04:14,464 --> 01:04:16,680
My parents didn't
really have it.
957
01:04:17,633 --> 01:04:22,250
There were no examples set for me in
the world of male-female relationships.
958
01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:26,686
And to cut oneself off
from finding that person...
959
01:04:27,414 --> 01:04:31,714
to immediately halve your options
by eliminating the possibility...
960
01:04:31,814 --> 01:04:35,062
of finding that one person
within your own gender...
961
01:04:35,990 --> 01:04:37,699
that just seemed stupid
to me.
962
01:04:38,549 --> 01:04:40,199
So I didn't.
963
01:04:41,519 --> 01:04:43,232
But then you came along.
964
01:04:43,993 --> 01:04:47,812
You, the one least likely.
I mean, you were a guy.
965
01:04:49,400 --> 01:04:50,473
Still am.
966
01:04:50,886 --> 01:04:55,528
And while I was falling for you
I put a ceiling on that,
967
01:04:55,692 --> 01:04:57,653
because you were a guy.
968
01:04:58,570 --> 01:05:02,274
Until I remembered why I opened the door
to women in the first place:
969
01:05:03,492 --> 01:05:07,680
To not limit the likelihood
of finding that one person who'd...
970
01:05:07,850 --> 01:05:10,199
complement me so completely.
971
01:05:14,495 --> 01:05:16,221
So, here we are.
972
01:05:17,693 --> 01:05:20,042
I was thorough
when I looked for you.
973
01:05:21,874 --> 01:05:24,659
And I feel justified
lying in your arms...
974
01:05:25,959 --> 01:05:28,661
'cause I got here
on my own terms,
975
01:05:29,622 --> 01:05:33,200
and I have no question there was
someplace I didn't look.
976
01:05:34,644 --> 01:05:36,872
For me that makes
all the difference.
977
01:05:53,408 --> 01:05:56,495
Can I at least tell people all you
needed was some serious deep-dicking?
978
01:06:03,377 --> 01:06:05,963
- Move!
- Stop!
979
01:06:18,980 --> 01:06:21,770
- What?
- Check out page 48.
980
01:06:34,103 --> 01:06:36,869
- So?
- Did you see the nickname?
981
01:06:39,288 --> 01:06:41,715
- "Finger Cuffs."
- And?
982
01:06:42,090 --> 01:06:46,089
- Weird nickname. What's your point?
- Do you know why it's "Finger Cuffs"?
983
01:06:46,595 --> 01:06:49,840
- No. I suppose you do.
- I do.
984
01:06:52,426 --> 01:06:56,322
Remember Cohee Lundin? Left Hudson
and went to North our senior year?
985
01:06:57,105 --> 01:06:58,105
Yeah.
986
01:06:59,107 --> 01:07:02,260
Well, asshole, I ran into him
at the stores the other day.
987
01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:04,784
God, it's been ages
since I've seen him.
988
01:07:04,884 --> 01:07:08,350
- Mentioned you were dating Alyssa.
- Did you?
989
01:07:08,450 --> 01:07:10,665
Yeah. Funny thing is,
you know what he said?
990
01:07:10,765 --> 01:07:15,503
Shit, I know Alyssa Jones.
I mean, I know Alyssa Jones.
991
01:07:15,603 --> 01:07:19,653
Me and Rick Derris used to hang
around her house after school...
992
01:07:19,753 --> 01:07:22,411
and shit, 'cause her parents were,
like, never home and shit, right?
993
01:07:22,511 --> 01:07:25,243
But one day Rick whips it out and
starts rubbin' it on her leg and shit,
994
01:07:25,343 --> 01:07:27,411
chasin' her around the living room;
I was dyin'.
995
01:07:27,511 --> 01:07:30,189
You know what the crazy bitch did?
She fuckin' drops to her knees...
996
01:07:30,289 --> 01:07:33,166
and starts suckin' him off right in
front of me, like I wasn't even there.
997
01:07:33,266 --> 01:07:35,502
I almost died.
But that's not the fucked-up part.
998
01:07:35,602 --> 01:07:39,506
The fucked-up part was Rick, right
in the middle of it, pointin' at her,
999
01:07:39,606 --> 01:07:41,925
and he says "Cohee,"
just like that, "Cohee."
1000
01:07:42,025 --> 01:07:43,927
So I'm like, "Yo,
I'll give it a shot."
1001
01:07:44,027 --> 01:07:46,988
I start pullin' her pants down and shit,
all slow 'cause I figure any second...
1002
01:07:47,088 --> 01:07:49,073
she's gonna turn around
and belt me in the mouth, right?
1003
01:07:49,173 --> 01:07:52,561
But she's all into it, man!
She don't try to stop me or nothin'!
1004
01:07:52,661 --> 01:07:55,482
She's all wet and I just start goin'
to work, you know what I'm sayin'?
1005
01:07:55,582 --> 01:07:58,381
Me and Rick are goin' to town on
this crazy bitch, and she's lovin' it,
1006
01:07:58,481 --> 01:08:00,381
all moaning and shit.
1007
01:08:00,481 --> 01:08:02,422
It was fucked-up. So Rick
came up with the nickname.
1008
01:08:02,522 --> 01:08:06,992
That day she had us locked in from
both sides like Chinese finger cuffs.
1009
01:08:07,360 --> 01:08:08,360
He's full of shit.
1010
01:08:08,460 --> 01:08:11,604
Cohee's a lot of things,
but an exaggerator he's not.
1011
01:08:11,728 --> 01:08:13,595
- The dude's Catholic.
- She's never even been with a guy.
1012
01:08:13,695 --> 01:08:16,731
That's what she says.
But I say her on her hands and knees...
1013
01:08:16,831 --> 01:08:20,068
getting filled out like an application
constitutes "being with a guy."
1014
01:08:20,168 --> 01:08:23,133
Look, man. Cohee Lundin is
pulling your chain, okay?
1015
01:08:23,233 --> 01:08:26,303
The fact you even believe him makes you
look like a complete fuckin' idiot.
1016
01:08:26,403 --> 01:08:28,638
I'm getting your back,
asshole!
1017
01:08:28,738 --> 01:08:31,308
People don't forget shit
like "Finger Cuffs."
1018
01:08:31,408 --> 01:08:34,936
What if it got out that she's queer as
well? How's that gonna make you look?
1019
01:08:35,036 --> 01:08:38,357
- Well, I give a shit what people think.
- Fuck!
1020
01:08:38,457 --> 01:08:41,568
All right.
What if she's carrying a disease?
1021
01:08:41,668 --> 01:08:43,591
- Fuck you!
- What?
1022
01:08:43,691 --> 01:08:46,823
Oh, it's not possible
that she's all crudded-up?
1023
01:08:46,923 --> 01:08:50,410
Cohee I can vouch for is clean.
The dude never got laid in high school.
1024
01:08:50,510 --> 01:08:53,330
But Derris?
He's an arch-fucking-bushman!
1025
01:08:53,430 --> 01:08:57,125
Name me one chick in our senior class
that he didn't nail, for Christ's sake!
1026
01:08:57,225 --> 01:09:00,441
Let it go, okay? I'm telling you,
she's never even been with a guy,
1027
01:09:00,541 --> 01:09:02,547
much less these two
fuckin' zeroes.
1028
01:09:02,647 --> 01:09:06,259
And the bitch could be a bigger germ
farm than that monkey in Outbreak!
1029
01:09:06,359 --> 01:09:10,263
Would you let it go, okay?
I'm fuckin' tired of this shit!
1030
01:09:10,363 --> 01:09:15,310
She's my goddamn girlfriend!
Show a little fuckin' respect!
1031
01:09:15,410 --> 01:09:18,605
And I swear to God, if I ever hear you
so much as fucking mention...
1032
01:09:18,705 --> 01:09:23,173
Alyssa looks a little peaked, I'll put
your fucking teeth down your throat!
1033
01:09:27,237 --> 01:09:29,512
Maybe I'll put your fuckin'
teeth down your throat.
1034
01:09:29,795 --> 01:09:32,012
Yeah, maybe.
1035
01:09:37,243 --> 01:09:39,368
I've been workin' out,
ya know!
1036
01:09:41,060 --> 01:09:43,370
You better be ready
to make that deal.
1037
01:09:46,225 --> 01:09:49,136
So, where's that bitch partner
of yours been?
1038
01:09:49,236 --> 01:09:50,429
Sulking.
1039
01:09:50,529 --> 01:09:52,513
He's having a real problem
with this Alyssa thing.
1040
01:09:52,613 --> 01:09:56,852
I think it's more like Banky's having a
real problem with all things not hetero,
1041
01:09:56,952 --> 01:09:59,813
and I'm just another paradigm
of said aberration.
1042
01:09:59,913 --> 01:10:05,110
- Banky does not hate gays.
- But he is a bit homophobic.
1043
01:10:05,210 --> 01:10:08,739
This latest episode between you
and Miss Thing has tapped into that.
1044
01:10:08,839 --> 01:10:13,326
In his warped perception, he lost you
to the "dark side," which is she.
1045
01:10:13,426 --> 01:10:15,328
You make it sound like
me and him were dating.
1046
01:10:15,428 --> 01:10:16,726
Don't kid yourself.
1047
01:10:16,826 --> 01:10:19,758
That boy loves you in a way
that he ain't ready to deal with.
1048
01:10:23,762 --> 01:10:29,009
- He's been digging up dirt on Alyssa.
- Uh-uh, honey!
1049
01:10:29,109 --> 01:10:34,973
And just what has Mr. Angela Lansbury
uncovered about your lady fair?
1050
01:10:35,073 --> 01:10:37,768
He heard some bullshit
story that she took on two guys.
1051
01:10:37,868 --> 01:10:39,268
Really?
1052
01:10:39,995 --> 01:10:43,940
Then he's barkin' up the wrong tree
if he wants to split you up, isn't he?
1053
01:10:44,040 --> 01:10:46,443
He's not gonna make you see
the error of your ways...
1054
01:10:46,543 --> 01:10:48,612
by pointing out
how truly gay she's not.
1055
01:10:48,712 --> 01:10:51,531
- This one?
- I have it.
1056
01:10:51,631 --> 01:10:56,661
- Actually, it has kinda gotten to me.
- How so?
1057
01:10:56,761 --> 01:10:59,227
Well, Banky's got
a pretty good bullshit detector.
1058
01:10:59,327 --> 01:11:01,678
- He's not known for misinformation.
- So what if it is true?
1059
01:11:01,778 --> 01:11:04,252
- Would that bother you?
- Sex with multiple partners?
1060
01:11:04,352 --> 01:11:06,275
At the same time?
1061
01:11:06,375 --> 01:11:07,975
Ah! Ooh!
1062
01:11:08,377 --> 01:11:10,967
Thanks for being so comforting.
I appreciate it.
1063
01:11:11,067 --> 01:11:12,969
So, what do you care?
1064
01:11:13,069 --> 01:11:15,243
That's just it, you know?
I shouldn't care.
1065
01:11:15,343 --> 01:11:17,245
- But it just... It gets to me.
- Look,
1066
01:11:17,345 --> 01:11:20,105
the kind of gal Alyssa is, you don't
think she's been in the middle...
1067
01:11:20,205 --> 01:11:22,613
of an all-girl group grope?
1068
01:11:25,324 --> 01:11:28,819
You see, that doesn't bother me, right?
But just the thought of her with guys...
1069
01:11:28,919 --> 01:11:32,531
Oh, Holden, I beg you, please. Don't
drop 50 stories in my opinion of you...
1070
01:11:32,631 --> 01:11:35,659
by falling prey
to that latest of trendy beasts.
1071
01:11:35,759 --> 01:11:37,786
- Which is?
- Lesbian chic.
1072
01:11:37,886 --> 01:11:42,207
It's oh-so acceptable to be a gay girl
nowadays. People think it's cute.
1073
01:11:42,307 --> 01:11:45,669
Got this fool picture of lipstick
lesbians in their heads,
1074
01:11:45,769 --> 01:11:49,798
like they all resemble Alyssa,
while most of 'em look more like you.
1075
01:11:49,898 --> 01:11:52,780
Do I detect a little
intersubculture cattiness here?
1076
01:11:52,880 --> 01:11:55,178
Gay or straight,
ugly's still ugly.
1077
01:11:55,278 --> 01:11:57,889
And most of those boys are scary.
1078
01:11:57,989 --> 01:12:00,132
I thought you fags were all
super-supportive of one another.
1079
01:12:00,232 --> 01:12:01,831
Screw that all-for-one shit.
1080
01:12:01,931 --> 01:12:04,547
I gotta deal with bein' a minority
in the minority of the minority,
1081
01:12:04,647 --> 01:12:06,773
and nobody's supportin'
my ass.
1082
01:12:06,873 --> 01:12:10,173
While the whole of society's
fawning over girls-on-girls,
1083
01:12:10,273 --> 01:12:12,175
here I sit, a reviled gay man.
1084
01:12:12,275 --> 01:12:14,677
And to top that off,
I'm a gay black man,
1085
01:12:14,777 --> 01:12:16,679
notoriously, the most
swishy of the bunch.
1086
01:12:16,779 --> 01:12:18,744
- Three strikes...
- Hey, hey! There's a line.
1087
01:12:18,844 --> 01:12:21,755
Are you Hooper X?
1088
01:12:25,008 --> 01:12:28,686
- Salaam alaykem, little brother.
- Could you sign my comic?
1089
01:12:33,864 --> 01:12:36,319
Hey. You see
that man right there?
1090
01:12:37,104 --> 01:12:40,074
He the devil.
Understand?
1091
01:12:40,928 --> 01:12:43,861
Never take your eye
off the Man.
1092
01:12:50,242 --> 01:12:53,443
- Fight the power, little G.
- Word is bond.
1093
01:12:53,670 --> 01:12:55,651
Word is bond.
1094
01:13:00,210 --> 01:13:02,933
Look at what I have to resort to
for professional respect.
1095
01:13:03,738 --> 01:13:05,173
Look at what I have to resort to
for professional respect.
1096
01:13:05,273 --> 01:13:06,884
What is it about gay men
that terrifies the rest of the world?
1097
01:13:08,969 --> 01:13:12,714
- As for this hang-up with Alyssa's past,
- Um-hm.
1098
01:13:12,814 --> 01:13:16,718
maybe what's troubling you is that
your fragile fantasy might not be true.
1099
01:13:16,818 --> 01:13:20,055
- What does that mean?
- Holden, don't even try to come off...
1100
01:13:20,155 --> 01:13:22,224
like you don't know
what I'm sayin'.
1101
01:13:22,324 --> 01:13:26,999
Men need to believe that they're
Marco-fuckin'-Polo when it comes to sex.
1102
01:13:27,099 --> 01:13:29,731
Like they're the only ones
who've ever explored new territory.
1103
01:13:29,831 --> 01:13:32,401
And it's hard
not to let 'em believe it.
1104
01:13:32,501 --> 01:13:34,841
I let my boys run with it for a while.
1105
01:13:34,941 --> 01:13:37,614
Feed 'em some of that "I've never
done this before" bullshit...
1106
01:13:37,714 --> 01:13:40,308
and let them labor under the delusion
that they're rockin' my world...
1107
01:13:40,408 --> 01:13:43,057
until I can't stand 'em no more,
then I hit 'em with the truth.
1108
01:13:43,157 --> 01:13:45,059
It's a sick game.
1109
01:13:45,159 --> 01:13:47,061
The world would be
a better place...
1110
01:13:47,161 --> 01:13:49,386
if people would just accept
there's nothin' new under the sun,
1111
01:13:49,486 --> 01:13:51,169
and anything you can do
with a person...
1112
01:13:51,269 --> 01:13:54,131
has probably been done
long before you got there.
1113
01:13:54,231 --> 01:13:57,634
- Hey, I can accept that.
- Honey, that almost sounded convincing.
1114
01:13:57,734 --> 01:14:02,431
Do yourself a favor: Just ask the girl
about her past point-blank.
1115
01:14:02,531 --> 01:14:05,434
Get it out of the way before it gets
too big for both of y'all to move.
1116
01:14:05,534 --> 01:14:07,444
Ooh! Yanni!
1117
01:14:20,290 --> 01:14:22,090
Boo! Boo!
1118
01:14:26,880 --> 01:14:29,333
Since most of these people
are rooting for the home team,
1119
01:14:29,433 --> 01:14:31,335
I'm going to cheer
for the visitors.
1120
01:14:31,435 --> 01:14:33,670
I'm a big visitors fan.
1121
01:14:33,770 --> 01:14:37,307
Especially the kind that make coffee
for you in the morning before they go.
1122
01:14:39,351 --> 01:14:42,471
That was a joke.
Bah-dum-bah.
1123
01:14:42,571 --> 01:14:45,599
A little wacky wordplay.
1124
01:14:45,699 --> 01:14:48,435
Wha-What do you mean,
"visitors"?
1125
01:14:48,535 --> 01:14:50,479
Was I being
too obscure?
1126
01:14:50,579 --> 01:14:55,742
The kind that, until recently,
had no dicks and would stay the night.
1127
01:14:57,035 --> 01:15:00,179
So, uh, that was
until recently, right?
1128
01:15:01,047 --> 01:15:02,572
Uh, yeah.
1129
01:15:09,047 --> 01:15:13,126
Hey! Foul! Foul!
He was traveling or something.
1130
01:15:13,630 --> 01:15:17,075
So, nobody but me has spent the night
at your place since we got together?
1131
01:15:17,942 --> 01:15:19,487
Somethin' on your mind,
Holden?
1132
01:15:20,459 --> 01:15:23,970
- Just wondering.
- If I've been faithful or something?
1133
01:15:24,667 --> 01:15:27,102
I was just asking.
1134
01:15:27,574 --> 01:15:29,974
Oh, sweetie.
1135
01:15:30,932 --> 01:15:33,271
I only have eyes for you.
1136
01:15:38,911 --> 01:15:43,318
If you don't start usin' that whistle,
I'm gonna jam it straight up your ass!
1137
01:15:44,597 --> 01:15:45,690
Right?
1138
01:15:47,169 --> 01:15:50,172
What's uh...
What's with "Finger Cuffs"?
1139
01:16:04,382 --> 01:16:05,700
"Finger Cuffs"?
1140
01:16:05,800 --> 01:16:10,642
In your senior yearbook your nickname
was Finger Cuffs. What does that mean?
1141
01:16:10,742 --> 01:16:13,047
- It was?
- Yeah.
1142
01:16:14,780 --> 01:16:17,190
Shit.
Damned if I can remember.
1143
01:16:17,290 --> 01:16:20,444
I'd look it up, but I threw
all that shit out years ago.
1144
01:16:20,544 --> 01:16:23,651
- Where'd you see a North yearbook?
- Do you know a Rick Derris?
1145
01:16:25,582 --> 01:16:28,252
- Rick Derris?
- Yeah.
1146
01:16:30,754 --> 01:16:33,224
Sure. We used to
hang out in high school.
1147
01:16:33,849 --> 01:16:36,209
Punch him in the fuckin' neck,
number 12!
1148
01:16:36,309 --> 01:16:39,504
Come on. Come on!
1149
01:16:39,604 --> 01:16:42,007
Did you guys, like,
date or something?
1150
01:16:42,405 --> 01:16:46,345
Date Rick Derris?
No, no. We just hung out a lot.
1151
01:16:46,510 --> 01:16:48,847
Just-Just you and Rick.
1152
01:16:49,192 --> 01:16:52,823
No. Me, Rick and, um...
1153
01:16:53,034 --> 01:16:55,093
God, what was his name?
1154
01:16:55,328 --> 01:16:57,960
Um... What was his name?
1155
01:16:58,146 --> 01:17:00,147
- What was his name?
- Cohee.
1156
01:17:00,354 --> 01:17:02,444
Yes! Cohee! Cohee Lundin!
1157
01:17:02,544 --> 01:17:04,788
God, I haven't thought
about that name in years.
1158
01:17:08,000 --> 01:17:11,495
Those guys used to come over to my house
almost every day after school.
1159
01:17:11,595 --> 01:17:15,707
They'd bug my sisters, look through
my dad's closet for porno tapes,
1160
01:17:15,807 --> 01:17:17,876
raid the fridge.
1161
01:17:17,976 --> 01:17:21,054
They really took advantage
of my parents' never being home.
1162
01:17:24,516 --> 01:17:26,447
This one day,
1163
01:17:26,547 --> 01:17:30,472
Rick pulled his dick out and started
chasing me around the house with it.
1164
01:17:30,572 --> 01:17:32,733
Right in front of Cohee, man.
I couldn't believe it.
1165
01:17:36,195 --> 01:17:39,127
Rick pulled his dick out?
Really?
1166
01:17:39,227 --> 01:17:41,775
What did you do?
1167
01:17:41,875 --> 01:17:44,495
I blew him
while Cohee fucked me!
1168
01:17:49,682 --> 01:17:52,661
- Excuse me?
- That's what you wanted to hear.
1169
01:17:52,761 --> 01:17:57,295
That's what this little
cross-examination of your is all about?
1170
01:17:57,891 --> 01:18:00,314
Well, next time try not to
make it so obvious, all right?
1171
01:18:00,414 --> 01:18:04,330
There's subtler ways
of badgering a witness. Am I right?
1172
01:18:04,898 --> 01:18:07,714
Geez, man. Even I knew
what you were gettin' at.
1173
01:18:08,235 --> 01:18:11,638
If you wanted background information
on me, all you had to do was ask.
1174
01:18:11,738 --> 01:18:13,661
I would have gladly
volunteered it.
1175
01:18:13,761 --> 01:18:16,544
You didn't have to go playing
Hercule-fucking-Poirot.
1176
01:18:22,630 --> 01:18:24,487
Told ya these were
good seats.
1177
01:18:34,128 --> 01:18:35,928
Hey. Hey!
1178
01:18:39,091 --> 01:18:41,356
- Hey, would you wait a minute?
- Get the fuck off me!
1179
01:18:41,456 --> 01:18:45,526
- So it's true, right?
- Is that what you wanna hear?
1180
01:18:45,626 --> 01:18:47,528
Yeah, Holden, it's true.
1181
01:18:47,628 --> 01:18:51,553
In fact, everything you heard
or dug up on me is probably true.
1182
01:18:51,653 --> 01:18:54,035
Yeah, I took on
two guys at once!
1183
01:18:54,752 --> 01:18:57,559
You wanna hear some gems
you might not have unearthed?
1184
01:18:57,659 --> 01:19:00,708
I took a 26-year-old guy
to my senior prom...
1185
01:19:00,808 --> 01:19:05,356
and left to have sex with him
and Gwen Turner in the back of a limo.
1186
01:19:05,480 --> 01:19:10,322
How about in college when I let Shannon
Hamilton videotape us having sex,
1187
01:19:10,422 --> 01:19:15,035
only to find out he broadcast it
on the campus cable station.
1188
01:19:15,362 --> 01:19:20,061
They're all true. Didn't you know?
I am the queen of suburban legend!
1189
01:19:20,161 --> 01:19:22,376
Did you somehow fuckin' fail
to mention this to me?
1190
01:19:22,476 --> 01:19:24,906
What the fuck's wrong with you?
How could you do all those things?
1191
01:19:25,006 --> 01:19:26,296
Easily!
1192
01:19:26,396 --> 01:19:31,239
Some I did out of stupidity, some
I did out of what I thought was love.
1193
01:19:31,339 --> 01:19:34,346
But good or bad,
they are my choices,
1194
01:19:34,446 --> 01:19:37,474
and I am not making
apologies for them now!
1195
01:19:37,574 --> 01:19:40,915
Not to you,
or not to anyone!
1196
01:19:41,015 --> 01:19:45,566
And how dare you lay a guilt trip on me
about it, in public, no less?
1197
01:19:45,834 --> 01:19:49,486
Who the fuck do you think
you are, you judgmental prick?
1198
01:19:49,586 --> 01:19:51,822
How the fuck am I supposed
to feel about all this?
1199
01:19:51,922 --> 01:19:54,074
How are you supposed to
feel about it?
1200
01:19:54,174 --> 01:19:57,974
Feel whatever the fuck you want
to about it, all right?
1201
01:19:58,074 --> 01:20:02,382
The only thing that matters
is how you feel about me.
1202
01:20:04,301 --> 01:20:06,503
- I don't know how I feel about you now.
- Why? Why?
1203
01:20:06,603 --> 01:20:09,277
- Because I had some sex?
- Some sex?
1204
01:20:09,377 --> 01:20:13,885
Yes, Holden.
That's all it was, some sex.
1205
01:20:13,985 --> 01:20:16,284
Most of it
stupid high school sex.
1206
01:20:16,384 --> 01:20:18,828
Like you never had sex
in high school.
1207
01:20:18,928 --> 01:20:23,186
There is a world of fucking difference
between typical high school sex...
1208
01:20:23,286 --> 01:20:27,128
and getting fucked by two fuckin' guys
at the same time!
1209
01:20:27,228 --> 01:20:31,507
- They fuckin' used you.
- No! I used them!
1210
01:20:31,607 --> 01:20:35,907
You don't think I would have let it
happen if I hadn't wanted to, do you?
1211
01:20:36,007 --> 01:20:39,867
I was an experimental girl,
for Christ's sake!
1212
01:20:40,078 --> 01:20:44,358
Maybe you knew early on
that your track was from point A to B,
1213
01:20:44,458 --> 01:20:48,258
but, unlike you, I was not given
a fucking map at birth.
1214
01:20:48,358 --> 01:20:50,530
So I tried it all.
1215
01:20:50,630 --> 01:20:55,786
That is until we...
that's you and I... got together.
1216
01:20:55,886 --> 01:20:58,872
And suddenly I was sated.
1217
01:20:58,972 --> 01:21:02,316
Can't you take
some fucking comfort in that?
1218
01:21:02,601 --> 01:21:06,588
You turned out to be
all I was looking for,
1219
01:21:06,688 --> 01:21:11,018
the missing piece
in the big fucking puzzle.
1220
01:21:15,647 --> 01:21:20,227
Look, I'm sorry I let you believe you
were the only guy I'd ever been with.
1221
01:21:20,327 --> 01:21:23,355
I should have been
more honest.
1222
01:21:23,455 --> 01:21:27,630
But it just didn't... It seemed
to make you feel special in a way...
1223
01:21:27,730 --> 01:21:33,624
that me telling you over and over how
incredible you are wouldn't get across.
1224
01:21:34,708 --> 01:21:37,117
Holden, I'm sorry.
1225
01:21:37,803 --> 01:21:39,552
Just don't do that.
1226
01:21:43,245 --> 01:21:48,088
Do you mean to tell me that,
while you have zero problem...
1227
01:21:48,300 --> 01:21:51,245
with me sleeping with
half the women in New York City,
1228
01:21:51,345 --> 01:21:54,748
you have some sort of half-assed,
mealy-mouthed objection...
1229
01:21:54,848 --> 01:21:58,544
to pubescent antics that took place
almost ten years ago?
1230
01:21:58,644 --> 01:22:01,889
What the fuck
is your problem?
1231
01:22:03,390 --> 01:22:05,947
I want us to be something
that we can't be.
1232
01:22:06,047 --> 01:22:07,949
And what's that?
1233
01:22:08,049 --> 01:22:10,481
A normal couple.
1234
01:22:12,358 --> 01:22:16,270
So why don't you give
your little voice a rest
1235
01:22:16,370 --> 01:22:19,461
- Fuck!
- Come on up inside my bed
1236
01:22:19,561 --> 01:22:23,244
And just pretend you need me
1237
01:22:24,995 --> 01:22:29,542
You don't have to lie
about what you know
1238
01:22:29,667 --> 01:22:35,256
Even though
I've been sufferin'
1239
01:22:36,966 --> 01:22:40,919
And I don't need to be
your only one
1240
01:22:41,019 --> 01:22:44,006
I don't need your comforting
1241
01:22:44,106 --> 01:22:48,269
I just need you with me
1242
01:22:49,770 --> 01:22:54,224
Stay, stay, stay with me
1243
01:22:54,324 --> 01:22:57,924
Stay, stay with me
1244
01:23:00,364 --> 01:23:02,253
Stay and don't you ever
roll away from me
1245
01:23:02,353 --> 01:23:03,784
The girl?
1246
01:23:06,203 --> 01:23:07,203
Stay
1247
01:23:08,213 --> 01:23:10,613
Stay with me
1248
01:23:12,593 --> 01:23:14,545
Oh, and did she ever
1249
01:23:21,343 --> 01:23:24,805
Well, look at this
morose motherfucker right here.
1250
01:23:27,933 --> 01:23:31,408
Smells like someone shit
in his cereal. Nooch.
1251
01:23:31,508 --> 01:23:33,879
What took you guys so long?
What are you, at the mall again?
1252
01:23:33,981 --> 01:23:38,415
Bitch, don't even start, all right?
We stopped that shit years ago.
1253
01:23:38,515 --> 01:23:40,446
Toss the salad.
1254
01:23:46,368 --> 01:23:49,455
Damn, this likeness rights shit
is more profitable than sellin' smoke.
1255
01:23:51,040 --> 01:23:53,582
How did a dirt merchant like you
ever learn about likeness rights?
1256
01:23:53,682 --> 01:23:57,079
We deal to a lot of lawyers.
You know what I'm sayin'?
1257
01:23:57,179 --> 01:24:00,791
Speaking of which...
A little signin' bonus and shit?
1258
01:24:00,891 --> 01:24:06,672
No, I'll pass.
Did you guys take a look at the issue?
1259
01:24:06,772 --> 01:24:07,772
Yeah.
1260
01:24:09,399 --> 01:24:13,616
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1261
01:24:13,716 --> 01:24:15,806
You need to throw some pussy
in that book, man.
1262
01:24:15,906 --> 01:24:18,726
Like, throw some supervillain
with big fuckin' tits...
1263
01:24:18,826 --> 01:24:21,666
that shoot milk or somethin',
and I'll just, like, suck her dry...
1264
01:24:21,766 --> 01:24:23,918
and bust some moves
on her.
1265
01:24:28,327 --> 01:24:31,676
Then she has to fuck me.
I mean, fuck us.
1266
01:24:31,882 --> 01:24:34,333
I'll see what I can do.
1267
01:24:35,967 --> 01:24:39,350
- All right, boys. What'll it be?
- I'm all set, thanks.
1268
01:24:40,305 --> 01:24:44,460
Yo, Flo. Tell Mel to whip me up
a toasted bagel with cream cheese.
1269
01:24:44,652 --> 01:24:49,598
You want one too? Make that two,
and kiss my grits. Nooch.
1270
01:24:51,500 --> 01:24:55,141
Did you ever watch that show, Alice?
That show was funny as hell, man.
1271
01:24:56,515 --> 01:24:59,708
So why the long face, horse?
Banky on the rag?
1272
01:25:00,002 --> 01:25:03,024
I'm just, uh... I'm just havin'
a little girl trouble.
1273
01:25:03,124 --> 01:25:06,026
Bitch pressin' charges?
I get that a lot.
1274
01:25:06,232 --> 01:25:09,351
No. I'm just, uh...
1275
01:25:10,811 --> 01:25:13,027
I'm just at a point where
I don't really know what to do.
1276
01:25:13,350 --> 01:25:16,808
Kick her to the fuckin' curb.
Girls get to be too much trouble.
1277
01:25:16,908 --> 01:25:20,029
There's always the band... of the hand.
1278
01:25:21,572 --> 01:25:24,399
Can't do it, G.
I'm in love.
1279
01:25:24,738 --> 01:25:28,529
Nah, there ain't no such thing. You
got to boil it down to the essentials.
1280
01:25:28,629 --> 01:25:33,417
It's like Cube says: Life ain't
nothin' but bitches and money
1281
01:25:35,085 --> 01:25:38,518
Thanks, guys. That's just what I needed.
Advice from the 'hood.
1282
01:25:38,829 --> 01:25:43,260
- So who is this girl?
- Oh, I don't think you know her.
1283
01:25:44,511 --> 01:25:47,339
Come on, man.
I'm people who know people.
1284
01:25:47,515 --> 01:25:49,341
You sound
like Barbra Streisand.
1285
01:25:49,805 --> 01:25:52,181
Maybe 'cause I got this tubby bitch
playin' her greatest hits tape...
1286
01:25:52,281 --> 01:25:54,179
in my ear all the time.
1287
01:25:54,279 --> 01:25:58,475
You gotta see it. When she starts
singin' "You Don't Bring Me Flowers,"
1288
01:25:58,575 --> 01:26:01,687
this faggot starts cryin' like a little
girl with a skinned knee and shit.
1289
01:26:01,787 --> 01:26:05,607
Big fuckin' softie.
So what's the skirt's name?
1290
01:26:05,835 --> 01:26:08,089
I'm tellin' ya, man.
You don't know the girl.
1291
01:26:08,393 --> 01:26:12,456
I ain't playin', man.
Come on, tell me her name, Mysterio.
1292
01:26:14,376 --> 01:26:16,126
Alyssa Jones.
1293
01:26:18,379 --> 01:26:21,269
Holy fuckin' shit.
Finger Cuffs?
1294
01:26:21,948 --> 01:26:25,310
You're dating Finger Cuffs,
you silly son of a bitch?
1295
01:26:26,103 --> 01:26:28,158
Wait a second.
I thought she was all gay and shit.
1296
01:26:28,376 --> 01:26:31,237
She was, or she is.
I don't know.
1297
01:26:31,337 --> 01:26:34,407
And you're dating her.
Man, you're a lucky fuck.
1298
01:26:34,507 --> 01:26:36,409
She ever bring bitches to bed
with you?
1299
01:26:36,509 --> 01:26:38,682
Get a little of that
Filet-O-Fish sandwich goin' on?
1300
01:26:38,782 --> 01:26:41,268
Yeah, you know what
I'm talkin' about, baby. Right?
1301
01:26:41,368 --> 01:26:45,230
What's up? Yeah.
So four tits and what?
1302
01:26:45,330 --> 01:26:48,984
- No, man. It's not like that.
- What's it like, then?
1303
01:26:49,084 --> 01:26:52,946
Right now?
I don't know.
1304
01:26:53,046 --> 01:26:55,991
I love her, you know?
But, uh, she has a past.
1305
01:26:56,091 --> 01:27:00,424
I'll say. Stuffin' two guys,
eatin' chicks out and shit.
1306
01:27:00,569 --> 01:27:02,331
You know, I heard
one time she had this dog...
1307
01:27:02,446 --> 01:27:04,881
Eat your fuckin' bagel already
and shut up.
1308
01:27:06,056 --> 01:27:09,172
Look at this touchy
motherfucker right here.
1309
01:27:10,327 --> 01:27:12,390
So if you're all in love and shit,
what's the problem?
1310
01:27:12,741 --> 01:27:15,217
The problem is
stupid shit like that.
1311
01:27:15,986 --> 01:27:17,907
It was bad enough when it was
just girls, you know?
1312
01:27:18,007 --> 01:27:21,117
You throw guys into the mix...
two guys at once, no less...
1313
01:27:21,674 --> 01:27:24,978
All that experience, you know?
What am I supposed to think?
1314
01:27:25,182 --> 01:27:29,983
Think "good," ya fuckin' ninny shithead,
'cause now she'll be all true and blue.
1315
01:27:30,083 --> 01:27:34,863
Bitch tasted life. Now she's settlin'
for your borin' funny-book-makin' ass.
1316
01:27:34,963 --> 01:27:38,158
Settling for my boring ass.
That's comforting. Thanks, Jay.
1317
01:27:38,258 --> 01:27:42,821
- That's what I'm here for.
- I'm just havin' a problem with it.
1318
01:27:43,305 --> 01:27:47,050
It's like I can't get these visuals out
of my head of her doing all this shit.
1319
01:27:47,601 --> 01:27:51,692
And I don't know why I can't let
it go, 'cause I'm crazy about this girl.
1320
01:27:52,064 --> 01:27:56,051
- I look at her, I see kids, grandkids...
- You're scarin' me.
1321
01:27:56,151 --> 01:27:58,829
Yeah, well, I'm scarin' myself
'cause I think so much of this girl...
1322
01:27:58,929 --> 01:28:02,028
that I can't get stupid shit
like "Finger Cuffs" out of my head.
1323
01:28:03,525 --> 01:28:06,299
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doin'.
1324
01:28:10,783 --> 01:28:12,447
Chasin' Amy.
1325
01:28:14,578 --> 01:28:17,295
What?
What did you say?
1326
01:28:19,959 --> 01:28:23,078
- You're chasing Amy.
- What do you look so shocked for, man?
1327
01:28:23,178 --> 01:28:27,124
Fat bastard does this all the time. He
thinks 'cause he don't say anything...
1328
01:28:27,224 --> 01:28:29,877
it'll have some huge impact
when he does open his fuckin' mouth.
1329
01:28:29,977 --> 01:28:31,448
Jesus Christ,
why don't you shut up?
1330
01:28:31,675 --> 01:28:35,265
Always yap-yap-yapping all the time.
Give me a fuckin' headache.
1331
01:28:36,483 --> 01:28:39,364
I went through somethin' like what
you're talkin' about a couple years ago.
1332
01:28:39,464 --> 01:28:41,647
- This chick named Amy.
- When?
1333
01:28:43,065 --> 01:28:44,796
A couple of years ago.
1334
01:28:45,367 --> 01:28:47,756
What, she live in Canada or something?
Why don't I remember this?
1335
01:28:47,856 --> 01:28:49,584
Bitch, what you don't
know about me...
1336
01:28:49,684 --> 01:28:51,666
I could just about squeeze
in the Grand-fucking-Canyon.
1337
01:28:51,806 --> 01:28:56,069
Did you know I always wanted to be
a dancer in Vegas? Huh?
1338
01:28:56,169 --> 01:28:58,495
Bet you didn't even know
that shit, did you?
1339
01:28:59,965 --> 01:29:02,757
Just tell your fuckin' story so
we can get out of here and smoke this.
1340
01:29:04,545 --> 01:29:09,079
So there's me and Amy. And we're
inseparable. Just big-time in love.
1341
01:29:09,516 --> 01:29:12,419
Then four months down the road
the idiot gear kicks in,
1342
01:29:12,519 --> 01:29:15,944
and I ask about the ex-boyfriend which,
as we all know, is a really dumb move.
1343
01:29:16,044 --> 01:29:19,426
But you know how it is: You don't want
to know, but you just have to know.
1344
01:29:19,526 --> 01:29:20,797
Stupid guy bullshit.
1345
01:29:21,528 --> 01:29:23,273
So, anyway, she starts
tellin' me about him.
1346
01:29:24,072 --> 01:29:28,352
They fell in love, went out for
a couple of years, lived together.
1347
01:29:28,452 --> 01:29:31,979
Her mother likes me better,
blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm okay.
1348
01:29:32,268 --> 01:29:35,321
But then she drops the bomb on me,
and the bomb is this:
1349
01:29:35,542 --> 01:29:38,333
It seems that a couple of times,
while they were goin' out,
1350
01:29:38,900 --> 01:29:41,156
he brought some people
to bed with them.
1351
01:29:41,256 --> 01:29:42,913
Menage-a-trois,
I believe it's called.
1352
01:29:43,346 --> 01:29:47,162
Now this just blows my mind, right?
I'm not used to this sort of thing.
1353
01:29:47,262 --> 01:29:51,062
- I was raised Catholic, for God's sakes.
- Saint Shithead.
1354
01:29:51,725 --> 01:29:53,002
Do somethin'.
1355
01:29:53,600 --> 01:29:56,837
So I'm totally weirded out by this,
right? And I just start blastin' her.
1356
01:29:56,937 --> 01:29:59,857
I don't know how to deal with what I'm
feelin', so I figure the best way is...
1357
01:29:59,957 --> 01:30:02,718
if call her "slut," right,
and tell her she was used.
1358
01:30:02,818 --> 01:30:05,867
I'm out for blood.
I really want to hurt this girl.
1359
01:30:05,967 --> 01:30:09,808
"What the fuck is your problem?"
And she's just calmly trying to tell me,
1360
01:30:09,908 --> 01:30:13,812
"It was that time, that place," and she
doesn't think she should apologize...
1361
01:30:13,912 --> 01:30:16,059
because she doesn't feel
that she's done anything wrong.
1362
01:30:16,159 --> 01:30:20,869
I'm like, "Oh, really?" I look her in
the eye and tell her it's over. I walk.
1363
01:30:22,900 --> 01:30:24,750
Fuckin' A.
1364
01:30:24,927 --> 01:30:27,621
No, idiot.
It was a mistake.
1365
01:30:27,721 --> 01:30:30,142
I wasn't disgusted with her,
I was afraid.
1366
01:30:30,513 --> 01:30:33,606
You know, at that moment I felt small,
like I'd lacked experience,
1367
01:30:33,706 --> 01:30:38,215
like I'd never be on her level, never be
enough for her or something like that.
1368
01:30:38,315 --> 01:30:41,718
But what I did not get,
she didn't care.
1369
01:30:41,818 --> 01:30:45,904
She wasn't lookin' for that guy anymore,
she was lookin' for me, for the Bob.
1370
01:30:46,544 --> 01:30:51,624
But by the time I figured this all
out, it's too late, man. She moved on.
1371
01:30:51,949 --> 01:30:55,532
All I had to show for it was foolish
pride which then gave way to regret.
1372
01:30:57,159 --> 01:31:00,775
She was the girl.
I know that now.
1373
01:31:01,567 --> 01:31:02,767
But...
1374
01:31:05,918 --> 01:31:07,521
I pushed her away.
1375
01:31:14,468 --> 01:31:17,094
So I've spent every day
since then chasing Amy.
1376
01:31:20,849 --> 01:31:22,127
So to speak.
1377
01:31:22,901 --> 01:31:27,639
Enough of this fuckin' melodrama.
My advice? Forget her, dude.
1378
01:31:27,739 --> 01:31:31,370
There's one bitch in the world,
one bitch with many faces.
1379
01:31:32,202 --> 01:31:36,383
Get up, tons of fun.
We gotta book.
1380
01:31:36,790 --> 01:31:40,489
- Catchin' a bus to Chi-town.
- Why? What's there?
1381
01:31:40,607 --> 01:31:44,323
Business, yo. How many more of those
fat envelopes we get comin' to us?
1382
01:31:44,423 --> 01:31:46,761
Uh, I don't know.
1383
01:31:47,322 --> 01:31:49,443
I don't know how much longer
the book's gonna be around.
1384
01:31:50,165 --> 01:31:53,920
Yeah, good.
I'll be glad as shit when it's gone.
1385
01:31:54,085 --> 01:31:57,169
There's a million people who'd love
to see themself in a comic book.
1386
01:31:57,269 --> 01:31:59,963
But that ain't like us at all,
all slapsticky and shit,
1387
01:32:00,063 --> 01:32:01,700
runnin' around like
a couple of dickheads.
1388
01:32:01,800 --> 01:32:04,676
Sayin'... What's that shit
he got us sayin'?
1389
01:32:04,776 --> 01:32:08,076
Oh, um...
"snootchie-bootchies."
1390
01:32:08,176 --> 01:32:13,569
"Snootchie-bootchies." Who the fuck
talks like that? That is baby talk.
1391
01:32:15,520 --> 01:32:18,482
It's a big world, G.
We're bound to run into you again.
1392
01:32:18,582 --> 01:32:22,423
- Till then, keep your unit on ya.
- I'll try.
1393
01:32:22,720 --> 01:32:25,948
No, no, no, no, no.
Do or do not. There is no try...
1394
01:32:26,048 --> 01:32:30,327
Knock that shit off!
We got a bus to catch.
1395
01:32:30,427 --> 01:32:34,373
Jedi bitch. Man, what do you always have
to tell that fuckin' gay story for?
1396
01:32:34,473 --> 01:32:36,342
- Man, shut up.
- You shut up, you fat fuck.
1397
01:33:25,641 --> 01:33:26,641
Okay.
1398
01:33:27,274 --> 01:33:31,937
You guys are probably wondering
why I asked you here at the same time...
1399
01:33:32,322 --> 01:33:36,018
knowing that we have shit
to settle between us separately.
1400
01:33:36,118 --> 01:33:39,354
I just figured you wanted
to kill two birds with one stone.
1401
01:33:39,901 --> 01:33:42,274
You know, by telling her
to fuck off with me here...
1402
01:33:42,374 --> 01:33:44,797
so you wouldn't have to
go through the story again later on.
1403
01:33:44,897 --> 01:33:48,280
- Fuck you.
- Not even if you let me videotape it.
1404
01:33:48,380 --> 01:33:50,670
Okay, enough.
All right?
1405
01:33:52,751 --> 01:33:53,888
Enough.
1406
01:33:55,888 --> 01:33:59,813
Now, I've been going over and
over and over this whole thing,
1407
01:33:59,913 --> 01:34:02,058
and I've dissected it
a thousand different ways.
1408
01:34:03,069 --> 01:34:06,298
Banky, there's tension between you and I
for the first time in our lives.
1409
01:34:06,398 --> 01:34:11,136
You hate me dating Alyssa and you want
me to sign off on this cartoon thing.
1410
01:34:11,796 --> 01:34:13,368
How perceptive.
1411
01:34:13,468 --> 01:34:14,868
Alyssa,
1412
01:34:17,944 --> 01:34:19,615
you and I have hit a wall...
1413
01:34:19,912 --> 01:34:24,337
'cause I don't know how to deal
with your, uh, your past, I guess.
1414
01:34:24,731 --> 01:34:26,339
That's a nice way
of putting it.
1415
01:34:26,439 --> 01:34:28,412
I'd have said
"the whole double stuff" thing.
1416
01:34:35,002 --> 01:34:38,163
I'm only gonna
tell you this once: Shut up.
1417
01:34:40,782 --> 01:34:41,782
Now,
1418
01:34:42,413 --> 01:34:46,373
I know I'm to blame one way
or another on both accounts.
1419
01:34:47,147 --> 01:34:51,093
Alyssa, with you
because... I feel inadequate,
1420
01:34:51,820 --> 01:34:54,894
because you've had such a big life
and so much experience,
1421
01:34:55,245 --> 01:34:57,224
and my life's been
pretty small in comparison.
1422
01:34:57,514 --> 01:35:00,444
- That doesn't matter to me.
- Please.
1423
01:35:00,577 --> 01:35:02,858
I have to get
through this, okay?
1424
01:35:04,591 --> 01:35:09,418
Banky, I know why you're having such
a hard time with me and Alyssa.
1425
01:35:09,686 --> 01:35:12,018
It's something that's been
obvious forever and I guess...
1426
01:35:12,698 --> 01:35:14,959
I guess I just didn't
acknowledge it.
1427
01:35:17,237 --> 01:35:18,462
You're in love with me.
1428
01:35:21,590 --> 01:35:22,590
What?
1429
01:35:23,076 --> 01:35:26,728
You're attracted to me. Just as, in
a way, I guess I'm... attracted to you.
1430
01:35:26,913 --> 01:35:30,343
It makes sense. We've been together
so long, we have so much in common.
1431
01:35:30,443 --> 01:35:32,422
Well, I gotta get goin'.
1432
01:35:32,649 --> 01:35:35,938
I gotta catch the last few minutes
of Little House.
1433
01:35:45,110 --> 01:35:47,157
It's somethin' you're
gonna have to deal with, Bank.
1434
01:35:48,659 --> 01:35:50,861
And that would explain
your jealousy of Alyssa,
1435
01:35:50,961 --> 01:35:53,614
your homophobia,
your sense of humor...
1436
01:35:53,714 --> 01:35:56,450
Jesus, just 'cause a guy's
got a predilection toward dick jokes...
1437
01:35:56,550 --> 01:35:58,561
Bank. Stop.
1438
01:35:59,303 --> 01:36:02,339
Deal with it.
You'll feel much better.
1439
01:36:05,514 --> 01:36:06,514
Okay.
1440
01:36:11,974 --> 01:36:15,865
Now, you guys are probably
asking yourselves the same question...
1441
01:36:15,965 --> 01:36:19,440
that I've been going over and over
in my head the past few weeks:
1442
01:36:19,990 --> 01:36:21,892
What does one have
to do with the other?
1443
01:36:21,992 --> 01:36:23,185
Don't.
1444
01:36:23,793 --> 01:36:26,536
And when I did some
serious soul-searching,
1445
01:36:26,935 --> 01:36:29,074
it came to me
from outta nowhere.
1446
01:36:29,270 --> 01:36:32,911
And it all made sense.
And a calm came over me.
1447
01:36:34,442 --> 01:36:36,708
I know what we have to do.
1448
01:36:37,591 --> 01:36:41,824
And then you, Banky,
you, Alyssa, and I...
1449
01:36:41,929 --> 01:36:46,611
all of us...
can finally be... all right.
1450
01:36:47,085 --> 01:36:49,024
Please don't say it.
1451
01:36:52,098 --> 01:36:54,285
We've all gotta
have sex together.
1452
01:37:04,374 --> 01:37:05,915
I mean, look,
don't you see?
1453
01:37:07,324 --> 01:37:09,387
That would take care
of everything.
1454
01:37:09,811 --> 01:37:12,818
Alyssa, with you, I won't feel
too inadequate or conservative anymore,
1455
01:37:12,918 --> 01:37:16,009
because I'll have done something
on a par with all your experience.
1456
01:37:16,171 --> 01:37:20,033
And it will be with you, which will
make it that much more powerful.
1457
01:37:20,968 --> 01:37:22,870
Banky, you can take that leap...
1458
01:37:22,970 --> 01:37:25,211
that everyone else but you
sees you should take.
1459
01:37:25,368 --> 01:37:28,285
And it'll be with me,
your best friend for years.
1460
01:37:28,809 --> 01:37:30,752
We've been everything to each other
but intimates,
1461
01:37:30,852 --> 01:37:32,989
and now we'll have been
through that together too.
1462
01:37:33,501 --> 01:37:36,240
And it won't be a total leap for you
because a woman will be involved.
1463
01:37:36,340 --> 01:37:40,408
And when it's over, all that hostility
you feel toward Alyssa will be gone...
1464
01:37:40,508 --> 01:37:43,308
because you'll have shared in something
beautiful with the woman I love.
1465
01:37:44,789 --> 01:37:46,481
It'll be cathartic.
1466
01:37:47,142 --> 01:37:49,071
This will keep us together.
1467
01:37:58,706 --> 01:37:59,829
What do ya say?
1468
01:38:15,639 --> 01:38:16,639
Sure.
1469
01:38:33,788 --> 01:38:35,769
You know I need this.
1470
01:38:36,522 --> 01:38:37,976
You know it'll help.
1471
01:38:40,514 --> 01:38:41,514
No.
1472
01:38:41,793 --> 01:38:43,751
Thank Christ.
1473
01:38:47,033 --> 01:38:48,085
Sorry.
1474
01:38:54,553 --> 01:38:58,277
No? I thought
you'd be into this.
1475
01:38:58,607 --> 01:39:02,877
You did?
What does that say about me?
1476
01:39:03,909 --> 01:39:06,140
Sweetheart, you've done stuff
like this before.
1477
01:39:06,240 --> 01:39:07,829
This should be
no big deal for you.
1478
01:39:08,489 --> 01:39:12,584
You don't want this.
You really don't want this.
1479
01:39:13,007 --> 01:39:18,360
No, I do want this. This has
to happen. Can't you see that?
1480
01:39:18,460 --> 01:39:23,031
I mean, how can you not? No?
What does that say about me?
1481
01:39:23,131 --> 01:39:25,582
You can take it from two guys
whose names you can hardly remember,
1482
01:39:25,682 --> 01:39:29,705
but I ask you to share an experience
about intimacy, and you say no?
1483
01:39:29,805 --> 01:39:34,272
- I can't.
- Baby, yes, you can.
1484
01:39:34,372 --> 01:39:38,589
I'll be there. And when it's over we'll
be the strongest we've ever been...
1485
01:39:38,689 --> 01:39:40,591
'cause we'll have been
through this together.
1486
01:39:40,691 --> 01:39:44,428
Then we'll be on the same level and
there'll be nothing we can't accomplish.
1487
01:39:46,285 --> 01:39:47,873
Oh, Holden.
1488
01:39:49,751 --> 01:39:52,082
That time is over for me.
1489
01:39:52,452 --> 01:39:54,354
I've been there
and I've done it...
1490
01:39:54,454 --> 01:39:56,972
and I didn't find
what I was looking for in any of it.
1491
01:39:57,880 --> 01:40:01,903
I found that it you.
In us.
1492
01:40:02,687 --> 01:40:06,276
Doing this won't help you forget
about the things you're hung up on.
1493
01:40:06,544 --> 01:40:10,537
- It'll create more.
- No. I've thought about all that.
1494
01:40:10,637 --> 01:40:12,631
Yes, it will!
1495
01:40:17,128 --> 01:40:20,182
Maybe you'll see me
differently from then on.
1496
01:40:20,731 --> 01:40:25,360
Maybe you'll despise me for going along
with it once you're in the moment.
1497
01:40:25,855 --> 01:40:27,888
Maybe I'll moan differently,
1498
01:40:27,988 --> 01:40:31,871
and then you'll resent Banky
and become suspicious of us.
1499
01:40:31,971 --> 01:40:34,937
Or you'll alienate him
because of it.
1500
01:40:35,037 --> 01:40:39,925
You'll grow to blame and hate me for
the deterioration of your friendship.
1501
01:40:40,772 --> 01:40:43,987
Or what if... and God,
I sincerely doubt it...
1502
01:40:44,087 --> 01:40:48,467
but what if I saw something
in Banky that I've never seen before,
1503
01:40:49,003 --> 01:40:52,421
you know, and I fell in love
with him and left you?
1504
01:40:53,505 --> 01:40:57,070
I've been down roads
like this before.
1505
01:40:57,726 --> 01:40:59,637
Many times.
1506
01:41:02,681 --> 01:41:07,014
I know you feel doing this
will broaden your horizons...
1507
01:41:07,319 --> 01:41:09,386
and give you experience.
1508
01:41:10,697 --> 01:41:14,523
But I've had
those experiences, on my own.
1509
01:41:15,619 --> 01:41:18,381
And I can't accompany you
on yours.
1510
01:41:19,248 --> 01:41:21,022
I'm past that now.
1511
01:41:27,456 --> 01:41:30,554
Or maybe I just love you
too much.
1512
01:41:31,093 --> 01:41:35,980
And I feel hurt and let down that you
would want to share me with anyone.
1513
01:41:37,259 --> 01:41:40,642
Because I would never
want to share you.
1514
01:41:52,835 --> 01:41:54,630
Regardless,
1515
01:41:55,993 --> 01:41:58,343
I can't be
a part of this.
1516
01:41:59,891 --> 01:42:03,254
Or you.
Not anymore.
1517
01:42:07,091 --> 01:42:08,700
I love you.
1518
01:42:09,694 --> 01:42:11,093
I always will.
1519
01:42:12,558 --> 01:42:14,238
Know that.
1520
01:42:22,131 --> 01:42:24,400
But I'm not
your fucking whore.
1521
01:42:30,218 --> 01:42:31,854
He's yours again.
1522
01:43:30,378 --> 01:43:32,385
A blast from the past.
1523
01:43:32,485 --> 01:43:35,221
Do you know how much it's
going for these days? $110.
1524
01:43:35,321 --> 01:43:37,286
You sign it, it'll
push that up even higher.
1525
01:43:37,386 --> 01:43:39,476
You sell it
I want a kickback.
1526
01:43:40,343 --> 01:43:41,603
I don't know if it's true,
1527
01:43:41,703 --> 01:43:43,889
but I heard once there was
going to be an animated series?
1528
01:43:43,989 --> 01:43:46,128
- There was going to be.
- What happened?
1529
01:43:46,228 --> 01:43:49,214
You're lookin' at it.
No Chronic, no cartoon.
1530
01:43:49,314 --> 01:43:52,634
- That would have been awesome!
- Tell me about it.
1531
01:43:52,734 --> 01:43:55,471
So is that what happened
with you and Holden McNeil?
1532
01:43:55,571 --> 01:43:57,858
You got into a fight over
the rights or something?
1533
01:43:58,003 --> 01:44:01,819
- It was more complicated than that.
- Whatever happened to that guy?
1534
01:44:02,150 --> 01:44:04,313
I don't know.
Quit the biz, I guess.
1535
01:44:04,413 --> 01:44:06,688
So, you guys don't
talk anymore?
1536
01:44:07,307 --> 01:44:09,783
No. Not really.
1537
01:44:10,773 --> 01:44:14,823
Yeah. That happened to me once.
Me and this guy started a comic club.
1538
01:44:14,923 --> 01:44:19,912
And we got into a fight over who looked
better in bare legs, Electra or Robin.
1539
01:44:20,012 --> 01:44:25,751
Anyway, I disbanded the club and struck
out on my own, kinda like Nomad.
1540
01:44:25,851 --> 01:44:29,463
I'm rambling on now.
What I meant to say is...
1541
01:44:29,563 --> 01:44:32,147
that you probably shouldn't
have killed off Chronic.
1542
01:44:32,993 --> 01:44:36,720
Guess not. Some doors just
shouldn't be opened.
1543
01:44:36,820 --> 01:44:39,473
Oh, like the door to death
in Baby Dave's Winter Special,
1544
01:44:39,573 --> 01:44:41,496
which you did on your own.
1545
01:44:41,596 --> 01:44:45,792
See? You don't need that McNeil guy,
anyway. You do great work on your own.
1546
01:44:45,892 --> 01:44:49,963
Look at your line work. Look at all the
detail in this douche bag on page 18.
1547
01:44:50,063 --> 01:44:51,798
Look at how you draw a fart.
1548
01:44:51,898 --> 01:44:55,197
And tell me you're not better off
without Holden McNeil.
1549
01:44:55,297 --> 01:44:57,866
I mean, you were just carrying
that guy like a brown-bag lunch,
1550
01:44:57,966 --> 01:44:59,545
you know what I'm saying?
1551
01:44:59,751 --> 01:45:03,238
- You're so right.
- Yeah, well, the true fans always are.
1552
01:45:03,805 --> 01:45:08,802
Well, keep up the good work, man.
Love those dick jokes. Love 'em.
1553
01:45:11,222 --> 01:45:12,538
See ya.
1554
01:45:16,111 --> 01:45:17,111
Yeah.
1555
01:45:19,813 --> 01:45:20,813
Bye.
1556
01:45:33,494 --> 01:45:35,463
Okay. Who's next?
1557
01:45:37,456 --> 01:45:38,456
Hi.
1558
01:45:45,589 --> 01:45:47,388
Thanks for readin' it.
1559
01:45:48,600 --> 01:45:51,545
I can't believe this place.
These people are so weird.
1560
01:45:51,645 --> 01:45:53,568
You wanted to come.
1561
01:45:53,668 --> 01:45:55,958
God, I can't believe you call
these people contemporaries.
1562
01:45:56,058 --> 01:45:58,594
Look at this guy over here
with the pointy ears? What's that?
1563
01:45:58,694 --> 01:46:00,596
- He's a Vulcan.
- A what?
1564
01:46:00,696 --> 01:46:03,036
A Vulcan. Jesus, potzer.
1565
01:46:03,136 --> 01:46:05,601
Why don't you take a walk
and get us something to drink?
1566
01:46:05,701 --> 01:46:07,111
Okay, I will.
1567
01:46:26,005 --> 01:46:27,998
Um, this isn't
one of mine.
1568
01:46:28,443 --> 01:46:29,619
It's mine.
1569
01:46:31,677 --> 01:46:33,333
I saved you a copy.
1570
01:46:37,335 --> 01:46:38,335
Hi.
1571
01:46:39,522 --> 01:46:40,522
Hi.
1572
01:46:42,411 --> 01:46:43,875
How've you been?
1573
01:46:44,783 --> 01:46:48,187
Uh, good. Really good.
Yourself?
1574
01:46:48,538 --> 01:46:49,538
Good.
1575
01:46:56,702 --> 01:47:00,071
The new issue's selling
like crazy, for some reason.
1576
01:47:00,710 --> 01:47:04,076
Yeah, well, it's because it's
really good. I liked it a lot.
1577
01:47:04,548 --> 01:47:06,086
Thank you.
1578
01:47:08,714 --> 01:47:11,375
I haven't even seen this yet.
Did it just come out?
1579
01:47:11,644 --> 01:47:14,983
Uh, oh, about a month ago.
I did a really small run.
1580
01:47:15,083 --> 01:47:17,421
Self-financed,
only about 500 issues.
1581
01:47:17,731 --> 01:47:19,892
Will I enjoy it?
1582
01:47:21,101 --> 01:47:23,837
You might.
It's familiar subject matter.
1583
01:47:41,121 --> 01:47:43,829
Looks like
a very personal story.
1584
01:47:49,626 --> 01:47:52,174
I finally had
something personal to say.
1585
01:47:57,179 --> 01:48:00,695
Well, I'm gonna go.
I don't wanna hold up your line here.
1586
01:48:01,014 --> 01:48:02,014
Yeah.
1587
01:48:03,077 --> 01:48:07,884
I mean, it can get ugly. I just saw
this nun call a small child a cunt-rag.
1588
01:48:16,199 --> 01:48:19,025
You know, read that,
if you have a minute.
1589
01:48:19,541 --> 01:48:20,614
I will.
1590
01:48:24,456 --> 01:48:28,103
If you get the chance, call me. I'd like
to hear your thoughts, or... whatever.
1591
01:48:29,939 --> 01:48:30,939
Okay.
1592
01:48:33,799 --> 01:48:34,799
Okay.
1593
01:48:38,053 --> 01:48:39,965
It was really nice
seeing you again.
1594
01:48:41,183 --> 01:48:43,475
It was really nice
to see you too.
1595
01:48:57,151 --> 01:49:00,246
- Who was that?
- Huh?
1596
01:49:00,555 --> 01:49:02,244
Who was that?
1597
01:49:12,171 --> 01:49:15,822
Oh, just some guy I knew.
1598
01:49:29,563 --> 01:49:33,069
Next. So, what do you want
to do tonight?
1599
01:49:34,600 --> 01:49:40,056
I was tappin' my foot
on a Friday night
1600
01:49:40,156 --> 01:49:45,102
To my favorite band
I was pushed aside
1601
01:49:45,202 --> 01:49:50,107
I said hey, don't push me
No, no, no one pushes me
1602
01:49:50,207 --> 01:49:55,112
When I was face to face
with a woman I admired
1603
01:49:55,212 --> 01:49:57,623
And she gave me this look
1604
01:49:57,748 --> 01:50:00,076
I could not believe
1605
01:50:00,176 --> 01:50:05,298
And the cold stare remained
I wanted to leave
1606
01:50:07,717 --> 01:50:12,963
Yeah, I do believe anger
is offset by sorrow
1607
01:50:13,063 --> 01:50:17,843
But you destroy today
you might regret tomorrow
1608
01:50:17,943 --> 01:50:20,534
When you're young
and defensive
1609
01:50:20,634 --> 01:50:22,932
It comes off offensive
1610
01:50:23,032 --> 01:50:27,916
And it's hard to repay the
tolerance that you borrowed
1611
01:50:28,016 --> 01:50:33,150
The lasting relationship
sinks right off the pier
1612
01:50:33,250 --> 01:50:37,830
Who wears the pants
It's faded but clear
1613
01:50:40,333 --> 01:50:44,766
She's your girlfriend
and she ain't too fond of me
1614
01:50:44,866 --> 01:50:50,543
I guess if that's the way
it was meant to be
1615
01:50:50,643 --> 01:50:55,506
There we were
just we three
1616
01:50:55,606 --> 01:50:59,268
You, your girlfriend and me
1617
01:51:22,333 --> 01:51:27,267
I've known you forever
You two just met
1618
01:51:27,367 --> 01:51:31,917
So easily amused
how fast we forget
1619
01:51:32,017 --> 01:51:37,110
Ain't my jealousy
my self-righteous greed
1620
01:51:37,210 --> 01:51:41,948
She's a bit like a book
I'm too farsighted to read
1621
01:51:42,048 --> 01:51:47,016
And I wish you the best
but sometimes feel the need
1622
01:51:47,116 --> 01:51:50,716
To say
Remember me
1623
01:51:53,823 --> 01:51:59,195
Yeah, she's your girlfriend
as far as we can see
1624
01:51:59,295 --> 01:52:04,179
Does she look at you
the way she looks at me
1625
01:52:04,279 --> 01:52:09,330
And here we are
just we three
1626
01:52:09,430 --> 01:52:13,926
You, your girlfriend and me
1627
01:52:16,220 --> 01:52:21,050
She's your girlfriend
it's gettin' harder to see
1628
01:52:21,150 --> 01:52:25,930
Better just take her home
Better just let her be
1629
01:52:26,030 --> 01:52:31,235
When she walks out that door
you come looking for me
1630
01:52:45,333 --> 01:52:47,856
Man, what do you always have
to tell that fuckin' gay story for?
1631
01:52:47,956 --> 01:52:50,546
- Man, shut up.
- You shut up, you fat fuck.
1632
01:52:51,305 --> 01:52:57,460
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
138416
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.