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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 2 00:02:34,550 --> 00:02:38,337 The seminar will begin in five minutes. 3 00:02:38,437 --> 00:02:40,529 It will be in room "C." 4 00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:45,011 So, uh, how about Chow Yun Fat? 5 00:02:45,111 --> 00:02:48,431 I don't know. I love Chow Yun Fat. 6 00:02:48,531 --> 00:02:50,704 - I just don't see him playing Madman. - Awesome. 7 00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,804 Thank you. 8 00:02:58,574 --> 00:03:02,829 Could you sign it: "To a really big fan"? 9 00:03:04,664 --> 00:03:06,616 Uh, you bet. 10 00:03:06,716 --> 00:03:09,201 I love this book, man. This shit is awesome! 11 00:03:09,301 --> 00:03:11,203 I wish I was like these guys. Gettin' stoned, 12 00:03:11,303 --> 00:03:14,832 talkin' all raw about chicks and fightin' supervillains! 13 00:03:14,932 --> 00:03:18,469 I love these guys! You know what. They're like Bill and Ted... 14 00:03:18,936 --> 00:03:20,532 meet Cheech and Chong! 15 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,010 Yeah. I kind of like to think of them... 16 00:03:23,110 --> 00:03:25,421 as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern meet Vladimir and Estragon. 17 00:03:25,525 --> 00:03:27,325 Yes! Who? 18 00:03:30,270 --> 00:03:32,766 So, do you, like, draw this or something? 19 00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:38,190 I ink it, and I'm also the colorist. The guy next to me draws it. 20 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,754 But we both came up with the characters. Next! 21 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,255 What does that mean, you "ink it"? 22 00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:45,154 Well, it means that Holden draws the pictures in pencil. 23 00:03:45,254 --> 00:03:48,136 And then he gives it to me to go over in ink. Next! 24 00:03:48,236 --> 00:03:50,430 So, basically, you just trace. 25 00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:54,809 It's, uh, it's not tracing, all right? 26 00:03:54,909 --> 00:03:57,771 I add depth and shading to give the image more definition. 27 00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,690 Only then does the drawing truly take shape. 28 00:04:00,790 --> 00:04:06,008 No, no, no. You go over what he draws with a pen, all right? That's tracing. 29 00:04:06,108 --> 00:04:08,957 Not really. Next. 30 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,891 Hey, man, let me ask you somethin'. 31 00:04:13,991 --> 00:04:17,332 Somebody draws something and then you draw the exact same thing, 32 00:04:17,432 --> 00:04:20,960 like, right on top of it without going outside the original designated art. 33 00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:23,004 What do you call that? 34 00:04:23,104 --> 00:04:25,674 - I don't know, man. Tracing? - See? 35 00:04:25,774 --> 00:04:27,258 You want your book signed or what? 36 00:04:27,358 --> 00:04:29,469 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 37 00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:33,807 Don't get all testy just because you got a problem with your station in life. 38 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,225 Oh, I'm secure with what I do. 39 00:04:35,325 --> 00:04:38,395 Then just say it. You're a tracer. 40 00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:39,688 How should I sign this? 41 00:04:39,788 --> 00:04:41,690 I don't want you to sign it, man. 42 00:04:41,790 --> 00:04:44,025 I want the guy who draws Bluntman & Chronic to sign it. 43 00:04:44,125 --> 00:04:47,696 - You're just the tracer. - Tell him, little shaver. 44 00:04:47,796 --> 00:04:51,658 Who do I sign it to? 45 00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:54,119 You fuckin' tracer! 46 00:04:54,219 --> 00:04:57,998 I'll trace a chalk line around your dead fuckin' body, you fuck! 47 00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,000 Would you get him outta here? 48 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:04,775 Hey, wait a second! He jumped me! You fuckin' tracer! 49 00:05:04,875 --> 00:05:07,111 Your mother's a tracer! 50 00:05:07,211 --> 00:05:09,155 Can I explain the audience principle to you? 51 00:05:09,255 --> 00:05:11,317 If you assault and accost them, then we have no audience. 52 00:05:11,417 --> 00:05:14,889 He started it, fuckin' cock-knocker! 53 00:05:14,989 --> 00:05:18,644 He's lucky I didn't put my pen through his thorax! 54 00:05:18,850 --> 00:05:23,023 Need I remind you? Curtain's in ten minutes. Okay? 55 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:26,145 The Word's Up: Minority Voices in Comics panel discussion... 56 00:05:26,245 --> 00:05:28,897 - All right. - is about to begin in room "F." 57 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:33,251 For years in this industry... 58 00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:36,703 whenever an African-American character, hero or villain, 59 00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:40,492 was introduced, usually, by white artists and writers, 60 00:05:40,884 --> 00:05:44,169 they got slapped with racist names... 61 00:05:44,598 --> 00:05:46,721 that singled them out as Negroes. 62 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,880 Now, my book... 63 00:05:52,050 --> 00:05:54,953 White Hatin' Coon... 64 00:05:55,053 --> 00:05:57,121 don't have none of that bullshit. 65 00:05:57,221 --> 00:06:00,229 The hero's name is Maleekwa, a descendant from the black tribe... 66 00:06:00,329 --> 00:06:03,294 that established the first society on the planet, 67 00:06:03,394 --> 00:06:06,422 while you European motherfuckers were still hidin' in caves and shit, 68 00:06:06,522 --> 00:06:08,883 all terrified of the sun. 69 00:06:08,983 --> 00:06:13,680 He's a strong role model that a young black reader can look up to, 70 00:06:13,780 --> 00:06:18,247 'cause I'm here to tell ya: The chickens is comin' home to roost, y'all. 71 00:06:18,347 --> 00:06:22,480 The black man's no longer gonna play the minstrel in comics and sci-fi fantasy. 72 00:06:22,580 --> 00:06:27,464 We keepin' it real, and we gonna get respect by any means necessary. 73 00:06:27,564 --> 00:06:30,905 Ah, come on! That's a bunch of horseshit! 74 00:06:31,005 --> 00:06:33,700 Lando Calrissian was a black guy, you know. 75 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,273 He got to fly the Millennium Falcon. What's the matter with you? 76 00:06:36,373 --> 00:06:38,913 - Who said that? - I did. 77 00:06:39,013 --> 00:06:43,293 Lando Calrissian is a positive role model in science-fiction fantasy. 78 00:06:43,393 --> 00:06:46,421 Fuck Lando Calrissian! Uncle Tom nigger! 79 00:06:46,521 --> 00:06:49,549 Always some white boy gotta invoke the holy trilogy. 80 00:06:49,649 --> 00:06:54,950 Those movies are about how the white man keeps the brother man down... 81 00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:58,057 even in a galaxy far, far away. 82 00:06:58,157 --> 00:07:02,020 Check this shit. You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker... 83 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,105 Nazi poster boy... blond hair, blue eyes... 84 00:07:04,205 --> 00:07:06,107 and then you got Darth Vader. 85 00:07:06,207 --> 00:07:08,776 The blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian guy. 86 00:07:08,876 --> 00:07:12,455 - What's a Nubian? - Shut the fuck up! 87 00:07:14,624 --> 00:07:17,952 Now, Vader, he's a spiritual brother, you know. 88 00:07:18,052 --> 00:07:20,246 Down with the force and all that good shit. 89 00:07:20,346 --> 00:07:23,583 Then this cracker, Skywalker, gets his hands on a light saber, 90 00:07:23,683 --> 00:07:25,981 and the boy decides he's gonna run the fuckin' universe. 91 00:07:26,081 --> 00:07:28,963 Gets a whole Klan of whites together. 92 00:07:29,063 --> 00:07:32,091 And they gonna bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star. 93 00:07:32,191 --> 00:07:34,093 Now, what the fuck do you call that? 94 00:07:34,193 --> 00:07:37,480 - Intergalactic civil war? - Gentrification! 95 00:07:39,357 --> 00:07:42,977 They gonna drive out the black element... 96 00:07:43,077 --> 00:07:46,147 to make the galaxy "safe" for white folks. 97 00:07:46,247 --> 00:07:49,838 And Jedi's the most insulting installment! 98 00:07:49,938 --> 00:07:53,509 Because Vader's beautiful black visage is sullied... 99 00:07:53,609 --> 00:07:58,681 when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man. 100 00:07:58,781 --> 00:08:03,298 They're tryin' to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white! 101 00:08:04,799 --> 00:08:06,968 Well, isn't that true? 102 00:08:16,436 --> 00:08:17,595 Black rage! 103 00:08:17,695 --> 00:08:19,806 Black rage! I'll kill any white folks... 104 00:08:19,906 --> 00:08:24,486 I lay my motherfuckin' eyes on! 105 00:08:49,010 --> 00:08:52,672 "What's a Nubian?" Bitch, you almost made me laugh. 106 00:08:52,772 --> 00:08:55,631 Man, what about you? You didn't tell me you were gonna scream, "Black rage!" 107 00:08:55,731 --> 00:08:57,468 I nearly pissed myself. 108 00:08:57,568 --> 00:08:59,571 How do you manage to get away with this all the time? 109 00:08:59,671 --> 00:09:02,206 I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting your head open right about now? 110 00:09:02,306 --> 00:09:06,060 - Wrong coast. - Well, this here, she full of blanks. 111 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:11,566 And, uh, Opiate gets all sorts of legal clearances before I go on. 112 00:09:11,666 --> 00:09:13,711 So your publisher actually condones these theatrics? 113 00:09:13,811 --> 00:09:18,197 Condones? Honey, they insist. I need to sell the image to sell the book. 114 00:09:18,297 --> 00:09:20,526 Would the audience still buy the whole black rage angle... 115 00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:24,370 if they found out the book was written by a, a... you know. 116 00:09:24,470 --> 00:09:26,956 - Faggot? - When you say it, it sounds so sexy. 117 00:09:27,056 --> 00:09:32,086 Hey, hey, hey! I'll play your victim, but not your catcher, all right? 118 00:09:32,186 --> 00:09:35,673 Hooper, how come you sound like Minister Farrakhan when you're onstage... 119 00:09:35,773 --> 00:09:38,760 and the king of pop when you're not? 120 00:09:38,860 --> 00:09:40,762 Look out, boys! This kitten has a whip! 121 00:09:40,862 --> 00:09:42,764 Always before I get to speak, you dick. 122 00:09:42,864 --> 00:09:44,891 I swear! Jesus! 123 00:09:44,991 --> 00:09:47,831 The next con I attend, and they ask me to be on the minority panel, 124 00:09:47,931 --> 00:09:51,731 if I see your name anywhere near that list, I'm passing! 125 00:09:51,831 --> 00:09:55,902 Holden, Banky, this pile of P.M.S. is Alyssa Jones. 126 00:09:56,002 --> 00:09:57,946 She does that book, Idiosyncratic Routine. 127 00:09:58,046 --> 00:10:03,847 Oh, I've read your book. It's cute. Chick stuff, but cute. What? 128 00:10:03,947 --> 00:10:06,318 Sorry about him. He's, uh, he's dealing with being an inker. 129 00:10:06,463 --> 00:10:08,915 Oh. You trace. 130 00:10:09,015 --> 00:10:14,379 I really like your book. I'm surprised we never met at any other cons before. 131 00:10:14,479 --> 00:10:16,965 Yeah, well, lose the dick or change the skin tone, 132 00:10:17,065 --> 00:10:20,051 and we can get to know each other on panel after panel. 133 00:10:20,151 --> 00:10:24,472 These boys do Bluntman & Chronic, which outsells both of our books put together. 134 00:10:24,572 --> 00:10:27,976 Hence, they're never on the panel with the likes of us. 135 00:10:28,076 --> 00:10:29,778 They slummin' it right now. 136 00:10:31,029 --> 00:10:33,106 I promised Alyssa I'd buy her a post-rave drink. 137 00:10:33,206 --> 00:10:35,516 Do the Garden Staters have to sprint to the Lincoln Tunnel, 138 00:10:35,616 --> 00:10:38,361 or can you stay for a round in the big, scary city? 139 00:10:38,461 --> 00:10:40,538 - We're gonna go... - We'll take... 140 00:10:43,166 --> 00:10:44,966 We'll go. 141 00:10:48,546 --> 00:10:50,477 Archie. All right? 142 00:10:50,577 --> 00:10:54,127 Archie and the Riverdale gang were a pure and fun-lovin' bunch. 143 00:10:54,227 --> 00:10:58,089 You can't find dysfunction in those comics. They were flat-out wholesome. 144 00:10:58,189 --> 00:11:00,988 - Archie and Jughead were lovers. - Shut the fuck up! 145 00:11:01,088 --> 00:11:05,346 It's true. Archie was the bitch, and Jughead was the butch. 146 00:11:05,446 --> 00:11:08,975 That's why Jughead wears that crown-lookin' hat all the time. 147 00:11:09,075 --> 00:11:12,103 He the king of Queen Archie's world. 148 00:11:12,203 --> 00:11:14,105 Man, I feel a hate crime comin' on. 149 00:11:14,205 --> 00:11:16,503 Well, you know, he does have a point. 150 00:11:16,603 --> 00:11:18,789 I mean, Archie never did quite settle on Betty or Veronica. 151 00:11:18,889 --> 00:11:21,779 'Cause he wanted them both at the same time, you assholes! 152 00:11:21,879 --> 00:11:25,199 He didn't choose one, because he was trying to get them into a three-way. 153 00:11:25,299 --> 00:11:28,299 - Here. - What? 154 00:11:28,761 --> 00:11:32,665 I want you to go down to the corner store and buy yourself a clue. 155 00:11:32,765 --> 00:11:35,168 - Go on. - Eat it, Urkel. 156 00:11:35,268 --> 00:11:38,108 Uh! I done told you to watch it with that Urkel shit. 157 00:11:38,253 --> 00:11:41,474 Face it, girl. Archie's a sister. 158 00:11:44,524 --> 00:11:48,348 - That's it. You! - Moi? 159 00:11:48,448 --> 00:11:52,268 Yeah, you. You are marching back across the street with me, 160 00:11:52,368 --> 00:11:55,042 and we're gonna pick up a shitload of Archie books. 161 00:11:55,142 --> 00:11:58,024 And I'm going to prove to you beyond the shadow of a doubt... 162 00:11:58,124 --> 00:12:00,610 that Archie is all about pussy. 163 00:12:00,710 --> 00:12:02,310 Come on! 164 00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,914 This boy is conflicted. 165 00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,752 I shall play mother therapist for him. 166 00:12:08,852 --> 00:12:12,097 You two sit tight. We shall return promptly. 167 00:12:16,358 --> 00:12:17,803 Is he always like that? 168 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:21,140 Who, him? Yeah. Ever since the third grade. 169 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,226 This, uh, this nun was teaching us about the Blessed Trinity, you know? 170 00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:27,312 She was going on and on about the three persons in one God thing. 171 00:12:27,412 --> 00:12:29,440 Father, Son, the Holy Spirit. 172 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:33,152 Banky just goes ballistic on her. They got in this huge fight. 173 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:36,822 An eight-year-old kid? How bad could it have been? 174 00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:39,950 Well, have you ever seen a nun call a small child a "fucking cunt-rag"? 175 00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,995 It wasn't pretty. Shit like that's bound to happen... 176 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:46,039 when you make a kid wear a matching tie and slacks every day. 177 00:12:46,139 --> 00:12:50,482 Right. And your parochial school misadventures? 178 00:12:50,582 --> 00:12:54,319 Oh, mostly limited to wine-tasting prior to mass. 179 00:12:54,419 --> 00:12:56,925 Turned me into a grade school alcoholic altar boy though. 180 00:12:57,025 --> 00:12:59,213 Can't tell you how many mornings after serious benders... 181 00:12:59,313 --> 00:13:01,555 I'd wake up next to strange priests. 182 00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:04,475 - Aren't you the sharp wit? - Sharp? No. 183 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:07,519 I'm just a fan of clergy-molestation humor. 184 00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:11,504 Probably why the extended family quit inviting me to first communion parties. 185 00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:17,446 - Tsk. - You play darts? 186 00:13:17,546 --> 00:13:21,428 Uh, not professionally. You know, only in bars. 187 00:13:22,217 --> 00:13:24,369 I don't know. 188 00:13:24,469 --> 00:13:28,457 Maybe I should just sign one of those exclusive deals like you guys. 189 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:30,459 Your new book seems to be selling like mad. 190 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:35,255 Well, it all goes back to somethin' my grandmother told me when I was a kid. 191 00:13:35,355 --> 00:13:39,635 "Holden," she said, "the big bucks are in dick and fart jokes." 192 00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:42,033 - She was a churchgoer. - Oh! 193 00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:46,099 The cry from the heart of a real artist trapped in commercial hell, 194 00:13:46,199 --> 00:13:48,602 pitying his good fortune. 195 00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:52,043 I'm sure you can dry your eyes on all those fat checks you rake in. 196 00:13:52,143 --> 00:13:56,214 Oh, I'm sorry. What was that? Did I detect a note of bitter envy in there? 197 00:13:56,314 --> 00:13:59,154 No, I'm happy my stuff gets read at all. 198 00:13:59,254 --> 00:14:01,406 There's very little market for hearts and flowers... 199 00:14:01,506 --> 00:14:05,619 in this spandex-clad, big pecs, big tits, big guns field. 200 00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:08,789 If I sell two issues, I feel like John Grisham. 201 00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:10,833 Well, it's all about marketing. 202 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:15,921 Over- or under-weight guys that don't get laid. They're our bread and butter. 203 00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:19,237 People like those two outside should be yours. 204 00:14:19,337 --> 00:14:22,240 And sadly, there are more of our core audience. 205 00:14:22,340 --> 00:14:25,910 Kind of gives you a charge though. See two people like that in love. 206 00:14:26,010 --> 00:14:28,288 And all over Banky's car, no less. 207 00:14:28,388 --> 00:14:31,186 You know, that car's seeing more action right now than it's seen in years. 208 00:14:31,286 --> 00:14:35,774 - Bubbly guy like that? It's hard to figure out why. - Yeah. 209 00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:38,986 You gotta respect that kind of display of affection. You know what I mean? 210 00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:41,613 Sure, it's crazy. It's rude. It's self-absorbed. 211 00:14:41,713 --> 00:14:44,929 But, uh, you know, it's love. 212 00:14:45,029 --> 00:14:47,974 - It's not love. - Oh, says you. 213 00:14:48,074 --> 00:14:51,039 That out there? That's fleeting. 214 00:14:51,139 --> 00:14:54,251 - Fleeting? - Mm-hmm. Well, I gotta split. 215 00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:57,942 It was really nice meeting you. Good luck with your book. 216 00:14:58,042 --> 00:15:02,851 Tell Hooper I'll call him later. And... tell your friend to calm down. 217 00:15:08,524 --> 00:15:10,955 Shut up already. 218 00:15:11,055 --> 00:15:13,771 You shut up! You're insane. 219 00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:16,607 Archie is not fucking Mr. Weatherbee! 220 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:20,107 Deny, deny, deny. 221 00:15:20,231 --> 00:15:24,198 - Where's Alyssa? - She left, said she'd call you later. 222 00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,930 Look, he's just offering to help Archie with his fuckin' homework! 223 00:15:27,042 --> 00:15:29,307 Read between the lines, bitch. 224 00:15:29,407 --> 00:15:32,685 Fuck this. Let's go. Traffic. 225 00:15:33,837 --> 00:15:35,313 - Holden! - What? 226 00:15:35,413 --> 00:15:39,139 - Let's go! - See that dent in the hood of your car? 227 00:15:39,584 --> 00:15:41,390 Son of a bitch! 228 00:15:45,811 --> 00:15:48,815 Let me guess. You like her. 229 00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:51,358 - Who? - Miss Alyssa Jones. 230 00:15:54,365 --> 00:15:57,907 - She's all right. - As long as that's all. 231 00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:25,187 This is one of the best streetlights you've ever drawn. 232 00:16:25,621 --> 00:16:27,498 It's the one from across the street from the post office. 233 00:16:27,709 --> 00:16:29,953 - Looks just like it. - Thanks. 234 00:16:31,418 --> 00:16:33,935 So, uh, what do you want to do tonight? 235 00:16:34,409 --> 00:16:37,586 I don't know. Get a pizza. Watch Degrassi Junior High. 236 00:16:37,752 --> 00:16:40,381 You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama. 237 00:16:40,481 --> 00:16:43,092 I got a weird thing for girls who say "aboot." 238 00:16:43,192 --> 00:16:45,592 Bank Holdup. 239 00:16:47,613 --> 00:16:52,664 Hooper here. Listen, I know how you 'burb fiends hate the city, 240 00:16:52,764 --> 00:16:56,146 but there's a club shindig goin' down tonight I think you'd really get into. 241 00:16:56,246 --> 00:17:00,508 - Where is it? - Meow Mix. I'm temping as barkeep. 242 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,278 Oh, I don't know, Hoop. 243 00:17:03,378 --> 00:17:06,219 We're prepping the next issue. We got that stupid meeting in the morning. 244 00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:09,210 - I told her you wouldn't be interested. - Told who? 245 00:17:10,503 --> 00:17:11,903 Alyssa. 246 00:17:12,803 --> 00:17:14,248 Alyssa from last night Alyssa? 247 00:17:14,348 --> 00:17:16,800 How do you begin and end a question with the same word like that? 248 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:19,034 You got skill. Yes, that one! 249 00:17:19,650 --> 00:17:22,123 She asked me to invite you. Now, here's the part where you say... 250 00:17:22,223 --> 00:17:26,465 - I'll be there. - Thought so. 10:00. Later. 251 00:17:27,823 --> 00:17:32,771 - Who was that? - Hooper. He invited me to a club. 252 00:17:33,476 --> 00:17:36,483 Man, when's that faggot gonna learn? You like chicks. 253 00:17:36,715 --> 00:17:39,896 - Not that kind of club. - So when we leavin'? 254 00:17:40,655 --> 00:17:43,824 We? You can't go. He's hookin' me up with Alyssa. 255 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,286 - And? - And I don't want you messing it up. 256 00:17:47,959 --> 00:17:50,748 I care about your shit. Maybe I'll hook up myself. 257 00:17:50,848 --> 00:17:53,134 I told you. It's not that kind of club. 258 00:17:54,218 --> 00:17:56,834 How does one man get to be so funny? 259 00:17:56,999 --> 00:18:01,269 Look, how you gonna get home when I hook up, huh? 260 00:18:01,476 --> 00:18:06,076 - Like that'll happen. - Let me explain, my witless chum. 261 00:18:06,230 --> 00:18:08,528 The other night, we two, Alyssa and I, 262 00:18:08,628 --> 00:18:11,030 we, uh, well, we shared a moment. 263 00:18:11,130 --> 00:18:14,367 - Oh, you had a moment. - No. 264 00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:17,182 We shared a moment, all right? 265 00:18:17,282 --> 00:18:22,688 And in that moment, one thing was made abundantly clear. 266 00:18:22,788 --> 00:18:26,191 This girl loves me, my friend. 267 00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:29,987 Loves me. You know what I'm sayin'? 268 00:18:30,087 --> 00:18:32,531 Ah, who's your daddy now 269 00:18:32,631 --> 00:18:34,888 Come on. Mmm. 270 00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:36,890 - Ah - Shut up! 271 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:40,756 It's your birthday It's your birthday 272 00:18:40,923 --> 00:18:45,273 Go, Sheila, it's your birthday Go, Sheila, it's your birthday 273 00:18:45,373 --> 00:18:48,589 All right. Bring on the free hootch. 274 00:18:48,689 --> 00:18:52,259 Free? I didn't invite your tired ass. So, where's your better half? 275 00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:55,429 Takin' a piss. The guy's got a bladder like an infant. 276 00:18:55,529 --> 00:18:58,307 That's funny. He says you're hung like an infant. 277 00:18:58,407 --> 00:19:01,080 Does his mother tell him everything? 278 00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:03,896 - Hey! - What'd you do, fall in love? 279 00:19:03,996 --> 00:19:05,990 - Where is she? - Over there. 280 00:19:06,115 --> 00:19:11,153 Look at her in her net shirt. Been dancin' for an hour. Hasn't stopped yet. 281 00:19:11,253 --> 00:19:14,198 She ain't no Deney Terrio, I'll say that. 282 00:19:14,298 --> 00:19:18,223 Listen, if I'm not back by Tuesday, call my mother. All right? 283 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:21,955 Wait, wait, wait, wait. There's somethin' you should know. 284 00:19:22,055 --> 00:19:24,687 - She got a boyfriend? - Well, no. 285 00:19:24,787 --> 00:19:29,096 Then what's to know, my friend? What's to know? 286 00:19:38,439 --> 00:19:41,308 Hey, lady! You fucked up my cabbage patch! 287 00:19:41,408 --> 00:19:45,896 Well, well, well, if it isn't Bluntman himself, or should I call you Chronic? 288 00:19:45,996 --> 00:19:50,108 Call me flattered. I heard you sent me the invite to this little soiree. 289 00:19:50,208 --> 00:19:53,862 From a former hometown girl to Mr. Hometown himself. 290 00:19:53,962 --> 00:19:56,553 - You're saying you're from the 'burbs? - Middletown, New Jersey 291 00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:59,931 - Get outta here! I'm from Highlands! - I know. Hooper told me. 292 00:20:00,031 --> 00:20:01,933 How is it that we never ran into one another? 293 00:20:02,033 --> 00:20:03,935 - Did you graduate from Hudson? - Yeah, '88. 294 00:20:04,035 --> 00:20:07,063 - I went to North. - What a small fuckin' world. 295 00:20:07,163 --> 00:20:09,440 - So you know the tri-town area? - Quiz me. 296 00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:11,505 - Miller Hill? - I wrote my name on the wall. 297 00:20:11,605 --> 00:20:14,237 - Sandy Hook? - Lost my virginity there. 298 00:20:14,337 --> 00:20:17,636 - This is so cool. The mall? - Eton preppy or Menlo Park? 299 00:20:17,736 --> 00:20:20,973 Oh, no. Here's the big test. Quick Stop? 300 00:20:21,073 --> 00:20:23,955 My best friend fucked a dead guy in the bathroom. 301 00:20:24,055 --> 00:20:27,112 - You know that girl? - I did, before she was committed. 302 00:20:29,865 --> 00:20:33,152 There's a lot of chicks in this place. 303 00:20:33,252 --> 00:20:37,281 Chicks? You're such a man. 304 00:20:37,381 --> 00:20:40,325 You know what this is? This is fate. 305 00:20:40,425 --> 00:20:44,580 No, this is "The Rog." 306 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,207 I'm talking about us meeting. What are the chances? 307 00:20:47,307 --> 00:20:50,982 Pretty slim. I haven't been back to the 'burbs since my friend's funeral. 308 00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:53,964 - The Quick Stop girl died? - Uh-uh. Another girl. 309 00:20:54,064 --> 00:20:56,592 - Julie Dwyer. She died in the... - The YMCA pool! Damn! 310 00:20:56,692 --> 00:20:58,927 - You knew her too? - So well. 311 00:20:59,027 --> 00:21:02,389 Wow! One friend in the asylum, the other friend in the grave. 312 00:21:02,489 --> 00:21:05,401 - You're a dangerous person to know. - Ah, but I can tap. 313 00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:10,397 - That's the Buffalo two-step. - Yeah, well, it's very solid. 314 00:21:10,497 --> 00:21:13,338 That's what six years of tap lessons yields. 315 00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:16,737 Two towns away from each other for years, we had to meet in New York. 316 00:21:16,837 --> 00:21:20,332 Could have been worse. Could have not met at all. 317 00:21:25,963 --> 00:21:28,832 Okay, we're back. 318 00:21:28,932 --> 00:21:31,001 Thank you. Thank you. 319 00:21:31,101 --> 00:21:34,087 So, a long time ago, we used to have this bass player, 320 00:21:34,187 --> 00:21:37,508 who took off one day to draw funny books or something. 321 00:21:37,608 --> 00:21:40,686 Maybe you've heard of her stuff? Idiosyncratic Routine? 322 00:21:44,148 --> 00:21:46,391 But what a lot of people don't know... 323 00:21:46,491 --> 00:21:49,394 is that she used to harbor these delusions that she could sing, 324 00:21:49,494 --> 00:21:53,532 and she used to subject us to throaty renditions of Debbie Gibson tunes. 325 00:21:55,951 --> 00:21:59,488 So, she's here tonight, and I think if we all beg her... 326 00:21:59,588 --> 00:22:02,220 or maybe offer her some "X," 327 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,868 she'll come up here and treat us to some of her vocal stylings. 328 00:22:04,968 --> 00:22:06,870 What do ya say, Alyssa? 329 00:22:06,970 --> 00:22:07,970 Yeah! 330 00:22:09,994 --> 00:22:12,794 Oh, she's shy! 331 00:22:14,242 --> 00:22:16,547 Get up here and sing, bitch! 332 00:22:16,647 --> 00:22:20,405 All right! Go. Go up there. 333 00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:21,505 Whoo! 334 00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:24,507 Whoo! Yea! 335 00:22:27,817 --> 00:22:31,403 What am I doing here? This is so fucking gay. 336 00:22:35,115 --> 00:22:37,410 She is such a cunt. 337 00:22:38,834 --> 00:22:42,073 You guys know the one I wanna do, right? 338 00:22:43,069 --> 00:22:46,168 All right. I should dedicate this, right? 339 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:52,141 This is for that someone special out there. 340 00:22:53,069 --> 00:22:54,204 Ready? 341 00:22:55,091 --> 00:22:58,251 I'm feelin' awful 342 00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:02,144 But all alone 343 00:23:02,985 --> 00:23:06,985 Just missin' someone 344 00:23:07,552 --> 00:23:10,952 I don't even know 345 00:23:11,368 --> 00:23:14,959 But until I find him 346 00:23:15,059 --> 00:23:18,859 I'll wait patiently 347 00:23:19,042 --> 00:23:23,042 Just feelin' nothin' 348 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,280 Inside of me 349 00:23:26,738 --> 00:23:30,621 And where are you, baby 350 00:23:30,721 --> 00:23:33,624 Where can you be 351 00:23:33,724 --> 00:23:37,524 Why aren't you here 352 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,320 Lovin' me 353 00:23:41,607 --> 00:23:45,302 'Cause I want to kiss you 354 00:23:45,402 --> 00:23:49,389 And make you feel right 355 00:23:49,489 --> 00:23:52,997 I want to lay with you 356 00:23:53,097 --> 00:23:56,334 All through the night 357 00:23:56,434 --> 00:24:00,171 And I wanna feel passion I wanna feel pain 358 00:24:00,271 --> 00:24:03,821 I wanna weep at the sound of your name 359 00:24:03,921 --> 00:24:07,366 Come make me laugh or come make me cry 360 00:24:07,466 --> 00:24:12,066 Just make me feel alive 361 00:24:14,452 --> 00:24:17,652 And so I'll wait 362 00:24:18,227 --> 00:24:21,755 For that glorious day 363 00:24:21,855 --> 00:24:25,008 When the one I dream of 364 00:24:25,108 --> 00:24:27,508 Comes my way 365 00:24:29,655 --> 00:24:33,142 And when our lips touch 366 00:24:33,242 --> 00:24:35,442 So tenderly 367 00:24:37,079 --> 00:24:41,316 I know I'll feel somethin' 368 00:24:41,416 --> 00:24:43,816 Inside of me 369 00:24:47,256 --> 00:24:51,493 I wanna feel passion I wanna feel pain 370 00:24:51,593 --> 00:24:55,080 I wanna weep at the sound of your name 371 00:24:55,180 --> 00:24:58,542 Come make me laugh or come make me cry 372 00:24:58,642 --> 00:25:02,042 Just make me feel 373 00:25:02,938 --> 00:25:03,938 Alive 374 00:25:09,151 --> 00:25:11,351 Yeah! Whoo! 375 00:25:15,422 --> 00:25:16,422 Whoo! 376 00:26:04,648 --> 00:26:05,648 Hot! 377 00:26:09,909 --> 00:26:14,543 Now, that, my friend, is a shared moment. 378 00:26:30,750 --> 00:26:32,493 - What? - It's rude. 379 00:26:32,593 --> 00:26:36,543 When are we gonna get a chance to see this shit live without payin' for it? 380 00:26:38,090 --> 00:26:42,753 - Sorry. It's just new to him. - Oh, and you're an old hand at this? 381 00:26:42,853 --> 00:26:47,883 No, no, I should apologize. I don't normally get all mushy in public, 382 00:26:47,983 --> 00:26:51,011 but it's been a while since I've seen Kim here. 383 00:26:51,111 --> 00:26:53,430 You know what? I wanna dance. 384 00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:55,849 Go ahead. I'll watch from here. 385 00:26:55,949 --> 00:26:58,989 No! I wanna dance with you! 386 00:26:59,175 --> 00:27:03,115 Don't be a rag. I have to sit here and work up the desire to fuck you later. 387 00:27:05,591 --> 00:27:06,991 Please! 388 00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:13,700 Yes? 389 00:27:13,885 --> 00:27:15,820 You said "fuck." She said "fuck." 390 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,231 You said "fuck" to that girl. You said that you'd fuck her. 391 00:27:18,331 --> 00:27:21,013 - And? - How can a girl fuck another girl? 392 00:27:21,113 --> 00:27:23,015 Were you talking about strap-ons or something? 393 00:27:23,115 --> 00:27:25,017 - Oh, Jesus. Would you shut up? - What? 394 00:27:25,117 --> 00:27:26,498 It's okay. 395 00:27:26,598 --> 00:27:29,355 I don't know how many times I can apologize for him. 396 00:27:29,455 --> 00:27:33,004 No, Banky, I've never used a strap-on. 397 00:27:33,104 --> 00:27:35,006 Then what's with saying "fuck"? 398 00:27:35,106 --> 00:27:39,699 Shouldn't you say "eat her out" or modify the term "fuck" with "fist"? 399 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:44,419 Let me ask you a question. Can men fuck each other? 400 00:27:44,666 --> 00:27:48,607 - You asking for my permission? - In your estimation. 401 00:27:49,183 --> 00:27:50,183 Sure. 402 00:27:50,283 --> 00:27:53,650 So, for you, to fuck is to penetrate. 403 00:27:53,750 --> 00:27:56,611 You're used to the more traditional definition. 404 00:27:56,711 --> 00:28:00,386 You, inside some girl you've duped, jackhammerin' away, 405 00:28:00,486 --> 00:28:02,430 not noticing that bored look in her eyes. 406 00:28:02,530 --> 00:28:07,080 Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, all right? 407 00:28:07,180 --> 00:28:10,625 Fucking is not limited to penetration, Banky. 408 00:28:10,725 --> 00:28:15,130 For me, it describes any sex when it's not totally about love. 409 00:28:15,230 --> 00:28:18,112 I don't love Kim, but I'll fuck her. 410 00:28:18,212 --> 00:28:20,134 I'm sure you don't love every girl you sleep with. 411 00:28:20,234 --> 00:28:22,262 Some of them I downright loathe. 412 00:28:22,362 --> 00:28:25,745 Aha, but I'll bet it's different with the ones you do love. 413 00:28:25,845 --> 00:28:27,747 Like, you'll go down on 'em longer. 414 00:28:27,847 --> 00:28:29,415 - Here we go. - I don't do that. 415 00:28:29,515 --> 00:28:32,689 - What? - I stopped. It got to be frustrating. 416 00:28:32,789 --> 00:28:36,401 As stupid as you usually come off during this little diatribe of yours, 417 00:28:36,501 --> 00:28:38,708 you're gonna come off ten times as stupid on this occasion. 418 00:28:38,808 --> 00:28:41,594 I lost my tolerance for the baggage that comes with eating girls out. 419 00:28:41,694 --> 00:28:43,596 What's the big deal? 420 00:28:43,696 --> 00:28:46,432 If you say the smell, so help me, I will slug you. 421 00:28:46,532 --> 00:28:48,538 Not the smell. The smell is good. 422 00:28:48,638 --> 00:28:51,270 I'm talkin' about not being able to do it properly. 423 00:28:51,370 --> 00:28:53,272 My mother brought me up to believe... 424 00:28:53,372 --> 00:28:56,087 if I can't do something right, I shouldn't do it at all. 425 00:28:56,187 --> 00:28:59,674 Of course, my father told me she gave lousy head, but that's beside the point. 426 00:28:59,774 --> 00:29:03,178 Well, at least you blame yourself for your sexual inadequacies. 427 00:29:03,278 --> 00:29:05,472 No. I blame them. 428 00:29:05,572 --> 00:29:10,289 Chicks never help you out. They never tell you what to do, right? 429 00:29:10,780 --> 00:29:13,980 And most of them are all self-conscious about the smell factor. 430 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:18,527 And, so, most of the time, they just lay there frozen like a deer in headlights. 431 00:29:18,627 --> 00:29:21,238 I mean, not for nothin', but when a chick goes down on me, 432 00:29:21,338 --> 00:29:24,407 I let her know where to go and what the status is. 433 00:29:24,507 --> 00:29:27,594 You gotta handle it like CNN and the Weather Channel. 434 00:29:28,595 --> 00:29:30,705 Constant updates. 435 00:29:30,805 --> 00:29:32,958 You are such an idiot. 436 00:29:33,058 --> 00:29:36,482 No, no, he's got a point. I mean, that's how I was in high school. 437 00:29:36,582 --> 00:29:40,173 You know, all nervous and inhibited about being eaten out. 438 00:29:40,273 --> 00:29:43,718 But by the time I got to college, that all changed. 439 00:29:43,818 --> 00:29:45,887 I've loosened up. 440 00:29:45,987 --> 00:29:48,642 I was like one of those guys at the airport with those big flashlights, 441 00:29:48,742 --> 00:29:52,498 wavin' 'em this way, directin' 'em that way, tellin' 'em when to stop. 442 00:29:52,598 --> 00:29:56,022 And that's all I'm sayin'. It would be different if chicks helped out. 443 00:29:56,122 --> 00:29:58,546 You know, pointed a guy in the right direction. 444 00:29:58,646 --> 00:30:04,051 There'd be no bullshit, no wasted time and no chance for permanent injuries. 445 00:30:04,358 --> 00:30:06,053 Permanent injuries? 446 00:30:06,153 --> 00:30:09,351 Sure. You wanna see somethin' permanent? 447 00:30:09,803 --> 00:30:11,913 - See that? - Uh-huh. 448 00:30:12,013 --> 00:30:14,749 I got that from Nina Rollins, sophomore year. 449 00:30:14,849 --> 00:30:16,751 I'm goin' down on her, right? 450 00:30:16,851 --> 00:30:19,066 Out of nowhere, her cat jumps on her. 451 00:30:19,166 --> 00:30:24,530 She does this big pelvic thrust, cracks my tooth and sends it down my throat. 452 00:30:24,630 --> 00:30:27,604 I had to get a crown for the stub. 453 00:30:28,939 --> 00:30:32,038 I got that beat. I got that beat. 454 00:30:32,138 --> 00:30:36,980 Junior year, I'm goin' down on Cynthia Slater in her dorm room. 455 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:42,256 I'm totally drunk, and in the middle of it, I fall asleep right in her lap. 456 00:30:42,356 --> 00:30:44,258 She got so mad, she digs her heel into my back. 457 00:30:44,358 --> 00:30:48,617 - Ow! - Right there. That's permanent. 458 00:30:48,717 --> 00:30:52,421 All right. All right. See this? 459 00:30:54,464 --> 00:30:56,938 That's the farthest I can move my neck to the right. 460 00:30:57,038 --> 00:31:01,129 Again, sophomore year, I'm goin' out with Brandy Svining. 461 00:31:01,229 --> 00:31:05,008 And for six months, I'm goin' down on her. Not a damn thing's happening. 462 00:31:05,108 --> 00:31:08,783 So, one night, I change a position or vary my lapping speed, 463 00:31:08,883 --> 00:31:13,058 and suddenly it's a whole new world. 464 00:31:13,158 --> 00:31:16,082 She's movin' around, convulsing, breathing heavy, 465 00:31:16,182 --> 00:31:18,793 and her legs are pressed up against my ears so tightly... 466 00:31:18,893 --> 00:31:22,755 that I don't hear her father come into the room. 467 00:31:22,855 --> 00:31:25,954 He grabs my hair and pulls me way back, hard. 468 00:31:30,709 --> 00:31:33,504 Senior year, spring formal. 469 00:31:33,814 --> 00:31:36,640 I'm eatin' out Missy Kurt in her brother's car. 470 00:31:36,826 --> 00:31:41,378 She's layin' across the backseat. I'm half hangin' out, knees on the ground. 471 00:31:41,478 --> 00:31:46,320 She's flailin' around, and she... she knocks the parking brake off. 472 00:31:46,420 --> 00:31:50,804 The car starts rolling down the hill. 473 00:31:50,904 --> 00:31:54,015 And my left knee is cut up to shit... 474 00:31:54,115 --> 00:31:59,696 like a kiddy's scissors class cut it up for paper dolls! 475 00:32:15,674 --> 00:32:16,872 Whoa! Hey! Look at the time. 476 00:32:16,972 --> 00:32:18,874 We gotta... We gotta beat that traffic, huh? 477 00:32:18,974 --> 00:32:21,188 What traffic? It's 1:30 in the morning. 478 00:32:21,288 --> 00:32:24,587 And rush hour starts in six hours. Let's go. 479 00:32:25,309 --> 00:32:29,176 Uh, thanks for inviting us out. It was educational. 480 00:32:29,724 --> 00:32:30,876 Come on. 481 00:32:36,965 --> 00:32:38,268 Since you like chicks, right, 482 00:32:38,368 --> 00:32:41,029 you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time? 483 00:32:50,458 --> 00:32:52,220 Look, here's the deal. 484 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:54,812 When we get in there, don't be a complete Potzer, like last night. 485 00:32:54,912 --> 00:32:56,724 This is business now, okay? 486 00:32:56,824 --> 00:33:01,124 Oh, why are you in such a bad mood? Still dwelling on that dyke? 487 00:33:01,224 --> 00:33:03,335 - Hey, knock it off, will you? - What'd I tell you? 488 00:33:03,435 --> 00:33:05,921 She just needs the right guy. 489 00:33:06,021 --> 00:33:10,842 All every woman really wants is some serious deep-dicking. 490 00:33:10,942 --> 00:33:12,142 Sorry. 491 00:33:16,308 --> 00:33:18,955 See, that's why I can't buy lesbians. 492 00:33:19,055 --> 00:33:21,228 Everyone needs dick. 493 00:33:21,328 --> 00:33:23,918 See, I can buy fags, a bunch of guys that need dick. 494 00:33:24,018 --> 00:33:26,858 You know, just plain need it. That I get. 495 00:33:26,958 --> 00:33:30,758 Dykes? Bullshit posturing. 496 00:33:30,858 --> 00:33:33,198 But, live and let live, I guess. 497 00:33:33,298 --> 00:33:36,097 I'm sure the gay community appreciates your support. 498 00:33:36,753 --> 00:33:40,101 We'd like to start off by saying that it is a real pleasure to finally meet you. 499 00:33:40,201 --> 00:33:42,436 Absolute pleasure. 500 00:33:42,536 --> 00:33:45,498 One of the reasons we started this whole thing was to finally meet the guys... 501 00:33:45,598 --> 00:33:47,796 that do Bluntman & Chronic. 502 00:33:47,896 --> 00:33:49,819 - Snootchie bootchies! - Huh? 503 00:33:49,919 --> 00:33:53,260 Which now brings us to our proposal. 504 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:56,012 Look, fellas, the days of Butt-Head are over. 505 00:33:56,112 --> 00:34:00,767 We're interested in doing 12 half-hour Bluntman & Chronic cartoons. 506 00:34:01,985 --> 00:34:03,182 What do you say? 507 00:34:03,347 --> 00:34:04,832 Are we in business? 508 00:34:09,825 --> 00:34:11,789 The boy wonder. 509 00:34:11,889 --> 00:34:16,585 Batman and Robin, the dynamic duo against crime and corruption. 510 00:34:16,685 --> 00:34:19,567 Yeah, hi. Somebody told me they make comic books here, 511 00:34:19,667 --> 00:34:23,258 which is so weird, because I have this great idea for a story. 512 00:34:23,358 --> 00:34:26,553 It's about a guy who comes to this club and... 513 00:34:26,653 --> 00:34:28,722 hightails it when he finds out... 514 00:34:28,822 --> 00:34:30,399 Ready for this? 515 00:34:32,890 --> 00:34:35,446 This girl is gay. 516 00:34:37,470 --> 00:34:40,998 Any interest in a story like that? 517 00:34:41,710 --> 00:34:43,821 - An animated series? - Twelve episodes. 518 00:34:43,921 --> 00:34:47,283 - Well, that's great, isn't it? - Banky seems to think so. 519 00:34:47,383 --> 00:34:49,910 - But you don't. - Well, I... 520 00:34:50,010 --> 00:34:52,955 I don't know if that's the perception I want people to have of our work. 521 00:34:53,055 --> 00:34:55,124 I know this sounds pretentious as hell, but... 522 00:34:55,224 --> 00:34:57,334 I'd like to think of us as artists, you know? 523 00:34:57,434 --> 00:35:00,442 I'd like to get back to doing something more personal, like our first book. 524 00:35:00,542 --> 00:35:02,454 Well, when are you gonna do that? 525 00:35:04,045 --> 00:35:05,941 When we have something personal to say. 526 00:35:07,921 --> 00:35:09,972 I weirded you out the other night. 527 00:35:10,438 --> 00:35:12,808 Uh, no, not really. 528 00:35:12,908 --> 00:35:15,575 - Oh, come on! - Well, it's just... 529 00:35:15,679 --> 00:35:18,343 I'd never seen that kind of thing up close and personal before. 530 00:35:18,443 --> 00:35:20,232 It just took a while to process. 531 00:35:20,775 --> 00:35:22,318 You wanna talk about it? 532 00:35:23,374 --> 00:35:24,486 If you want to. 533 00:35:25,272 --> 00:35:27,108 I like you, Holden. 534 00:35:27,464 --> 00:35:29,742 I haven't liked a man in a long time. 535 00:35:29,842 --> 00:35:34,476 And it's not because I'm a man-hater or something like that. 536 00:35:34,576 --> 00:35:38,167 It's just been some time since I've been exposed to a man that didn't... 537 00:35:38,267 --> 00:35:41,795 immediately live into a stereotype of some sort. 538 00:35:41,895 --> 00:35:44,486 And I want you to feel comfortable with me, 539 00:35:44,586 --> 00:35:47,368 because I'd really like us to be friends. 540 00:35:47,651 --> 00:35:50,834 So if there's anything you wanna know, it's okay to ask me. 541 00:35:51,927 --> 00:35:54,329 - Okay. - Okay. 542 00:35:54,429 --> 00:35:57,629 Okay. Why girls? 543 00:35:59,405 --> 00:36:02,408 - Why men? - Well, because that's the standard. 544 00:36:02,708 --> 00:36:05,694 If that's the only reason you're attracted to women... 545 00:36:05,794 --> 00:36:07,842 No, it's more than that. 546 00:36:07,942 --> 00:36:10,032 So you've never been curious about men? 547 00:36:10,132 --> 00:36:14,557 Curious? Well, I always wondered why my father watched Hee Haw, but... 548 00:36:14,657 --> 00:36:16,851 - You know what I mean. - No. 549 00:36:16,951 --> 00:36:18,853 - Why not? - No interest. 550 00:36:18,953 --> 00:36:21,690 - Because? - Girls feel right. 551 00:36:21,790 --> 00:36:26,069 Well, that's how I feel. You know, I've never really been attracted to men. 552 00:36:26,169 --> 00:36:29,698 - Well, so, you're still a virgin then? - No. 553 00:36:29,798 --> 00:36:31,700 But you've only been with girls. 554 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,702 So you're saying a person is a virgin... 555 00:36:33,802 --> 00:36:36,746 until they've had intercourse with a member of the opposite sex. 556 00:36:36,846 --> 00:36:39,144 Isn't that the standard definition? 557 00:36:39,244 --> 00:36:41,355 Again with your standards. 558 00:36:41,455 --> 00:36:44,817 I think virginity is lost when you make love for the first time. 559 00:36:44,917 --> 00:36:47,695 - With a member of the opposite sex. - Why? Why only then? 560 00:36:47,795 --> 00:36:50,333 Because that's the standard. What do you want me to tell ya? 561 00:36:51,819 --> 00:36:55,035 So if a virgin is raped, then she's still a virgin? 562 00:36:55,135 --> 00:36:57,579 - No, of course not. - But rape is not the standard. 563 00:36:57,679 --> 00:37:00,937 So she's had sex, but not the standard idea of sex. 564 00:37:01,037 --> 00:37:03,836 Hence, according to your definition, she'd still be a virgin. 565 00:37:03,936 --> 00:37:06,714 - Okay, fine, I'll revise. - Uh-huh. 566 00:37:06,814 --> 00:37:09,883 Virginity is lost when the hymen is broken. 567 00:37:10,510 --> 00:37:13,178 - Then I lost my virginity at ten. - Really? 568 00:37:13,278 --> 00:37:16,849 'Cause, see, I fell on a fence post when I was ten, and it broke my hymen. 569 00:37:16,949 --> 00:37:19,977 Okay. Second revision. 570 00:37:20,077 --> 00:37:22,688 Virginity is lost through penetration. 571 00:37:22,788 --> 00:37:25,128 Physical penetration or emotional. 572 00:37:25,228 --> 00:37:27,130 - Emotional penetration? - Mmm. 573 00:37:27,230 --> 00:37:30,279 I fell in love hard with Caitlin Bree when we were in high school. 574 00:37:30,379 --> 00:37:31,447 Physical penetration. 575 00:37:31,547 --> 00:37:34,208 - We had sex. - Yeah, but not real sex. 576 00:37:36,210 --> 00:37:39,288 I move to have that remark stricken from the record, 577 00:37:39,388 --> 00:37:43,459 on account of it makes you come off as completely naive and infantile. 578 00:37:43,559 --> 00:37:46,754 Well, where's the penetration in lesbian sex? I... 579 00:37:46,854 --> 00:37:51,392 A finger? I've had my finger up my ass. I wouldn't say I've had anal sex. 580 00:37:53,477 --> 00:37:55,077 Observe. 581 00:37:58,482 --> 00:38:03,228 You're kidding me! How? 582 00:38:03,328 --> 00:38:05,981 Our bodies are built to pass a child, for Christ's sake. 583 00:38:06,081 --> 00:38:08,567 Yeah, but I mean... Jesus! Doesn't that hurt? 584 00:38:08,667 --> 00:38:11,946 - Sure, but in that good way. - Oh. 585 00:38:12,046 --> 00:38:16,075 And it's only a once-in-a-while thing reserved for really special occasions. 586 00:38:16,175 --> 00:38:20,245 - How about not-so-special occasions? - Tongue only. 587 00:38:20,345 --> 00:38:23,582 Well, but see... Come on. That's what I'm sayin'. 588 00:38:23,682 --> 00:38:26,927 It's like, how can that be enough? How big can a tongue really get? 589 00:38:30,931 --> 00:38:32,331 My God. 590 00:38:32,941 --> 00:38:34,741 Let's go. 591 00:38:40,107 --> 00:38:42,372 Come on. Come on. 592 00:38:42,472 --> 00:38:44,945 You're really gonna have to give me a minute, I think. 593 00:38:45,071 --> 00:38:47,877 Would you stop futzing with your fuckin' bag? We're late already. 594 00:38:47,977 --> 00:38:50,205 - I have to get something. - Look, man, we miss this train, 595 00:38:50,305 --> 00:38:53,737 I'm gonna shitcan you and just hire Charles Schulz. 596 00:38:53,837 --> 00:38:57,116 Oh, my God. Who are you? Larry Fucking Flynt? 597 00:38:57,216 --> 00:38:59,827 - What are you gonna do with all those? - Read the articles. 598 00:38:59,927 --> 00:39:03,747 What do you think I'm gonna do with 'em? They're stroke books, stupid. 599 00:39:03,847 --> 00:39:06,834 You got, like, 30 books in there. We're only gonna be gone for two days. 600 00:39:06,934 --> 00:39:09,733 Variety is the spice of life. I like a wide selection. 601 00:39:09,833 --> 00:39:12,068 Sometimes I'm in the mood for nasty close-ups. 602 00:39:12,168 --> 00:39:14,425 Sometimes I like 'em arty and airbrushed. 603 00:39:14,525 --> 00:39:16,760 Sometimes it's a spread brown-eye kind of night. 604 00:39:16,860 --> 00:39:19,242 Sometimes it's girl-on-girl time. 605 00:39:19,342 --> 00:39:21,244 Sometimes a steamy letter will do. 606 00:39:21,344 --> 00:39:24,247 Sometimes, not often, but sometimes... 607 00:39:24,347 --> 00:39:28,585 I like the idea of a chick with a horse. 608 00:39:28,685 --> 00:39:31,150 Go get our tickets. I gotta call Alyssa. 609 00:39:31,250 --> 00:39:33,994 - His master's voice. - Put that stuff away! 610 00:39:43,337 --> 00:39:44,337 Hi. 611 00:40:02,523 --> 00:40:06,936 One minute, five seconds. Ah, you are such my bitch. 612 00:40:07,036 --> 00:40:08,938 What's up? I'm about to get on a train. 613 00:40:09,038 --> 00:40:12,191 - Oh! Why? - Last-minute invite to the Boston Con. 614 00:40:12,291 --> 00:40:15,291 - Shit. - What? 615 00:40:16,211 --> 00:40:18,822 Well, my sister's at my parents', and I was gonna go see her. 616 00:40:18,922 --> 00:40:20,845 - The one that wrote the book? - Yeah. 617 00:40:20,945 --> 00:40:25,475 But I was stayin' all weekend. I wanted to hang out with you. This sucks. 618 00:40:25,575 --> 00:40:29,792 You know, um, both of us don't have to go. 619 00:40:29,892 --> 00:40:31,815 - Really? - Yeah. Banky can do this by himself. 620 00:40:31,915 --> 00:40:35,103 I mean, you know, it's not like we're on a panel. It's just a signing appearance. 621 00:40:35,203 --> 00:40:37,925 If you come pick me up, I'll be your best friend. 622 00:40:38,924 --> 00:40:40,219 Where's your apartment? 623 00:40:40,636 --> 00:40:44,223 And then Black Beauty couldn't take it any longer, 624 00:40:44,323 --> 00:40:49,770 and he finally did some of his own mounting. 625 00:40:49,870 --> 00:40:51,814 What are you doing? 626 00:40:51,914 --> 00:40:54,024 I think I want kids of my own one day. They're fun. 627 00:40:54,124 --> 00:40:57,486 Listen to me. I'm not going. You're gonna have to do this one by yourself. 628 00:40:57,586 --> 00:40:59,590 - What? Why? - Alyssa's comin' down for the weekend. 629 00:40:59,690 --> 00:41:02,053 I'm gonna hang out with her. You don't need me for this. 630 00:41:02,153 --> 00:41:05,119 Look, I'll take the bags. You can, uh, keep the filth. 631 00:41:05,219 --> 00:41:07,121 I'll pick you up at 9:00 Sunday night. 632 00:41:07,221 --> 00:41:10,061 Don't forget to plug the annual, and don't mention the TV show, okay? 633 00:41:10,161 --> 00:41:12,626 Call me if you get bored. 634 00:41:12,726 --> 00:41:14,678 All aboard! 635 00:41:17,264 --> 00:41:19,529 Explain this again. 636 00:41:19,629 --> 00:41:22,182 How could you have grown up on the shore and never played skee-ball? 637 00:41:22,282 --> 00:41:24,138 What did you do with your youth? 638 00:41:24,238 --> 00:41:26,640 Stayed out late, smoked pot, screwed around. 639 00:41:26,740 --> 00:41:28,806 Not your grade school years, your high school years. 640 00:41:28,906 --> 00:41:32,396 - This looks complicated. - Jesus. Potzer, uh... 641 00:41:32,496 --> 00:41:35,107 - The premise is very basic, okay? - Uh-huh. 642 00:41:35,207 --> 00:41:38,315 You roll the ball up the rampart in an effort to pop it into the score circle. 643 00:41:38,415 --> 00:41:40,234 The higher the score, the more prize tickets you get. 644 00:41:40,334 --> 00:41:41,989 Well, what do you do with the prize tickets? 645 00:41:42,089 --> 00:41:44,491 You trade them in for prizes, 646 00:41:44,591 --> 00:41:47,315 which are not worth nearly as much as you've paid to play the game. 647 00:41:47,761 --> 00:41:51,040 - Well, what's the point? - It's fun. 648 00:41:51,140 --> 00:41:53,938 And you question my lifestyle. 649 00:41:54,038 --> 00:41:55,638 Observe. 650 00:42:02,893 --> 00:42:04,678 See? It's just that simple. 651 00:42:04,778 --> 00:42:07,395 Well, why not just walk up there and put it in the 50 every time... 652 00:42:07,495 --> 00:42:11,644 - Well, where's the skill in that? - Oh, this is a skill. 653 00:42:11,744 --> 00:42:14,042 I'm sorry. I had no idea. 654 00:42:14,142 --> 00:42:16,073 Just toss one. 655 00:42:20,982 --> 00:42:25,699 Uh, I'm sorry there, man. She's a little new at this. 656 00:42:25,799 --> 00:42:28,223 Thanks. Thanks a lot. 657 00:42:28,323 --> 00:42:30,913 Underhand, okay? Throw it underhand. 658 00:42:31,013 --> 00:42:33,540 And this is where you take straight chicks on dates. 659 00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:35,542 This place is like Spanish fly. 660 00:42:35,642 --> 00:42:38,014 This will probably be the first time I don't score afterward. 661 00:42:38,114 --> 00:42:40,973 I don't know. I'm starting to get a tingle in my bottom. 662 00:42:44,310 --> 00:42:46,136 - Ten. - Very nice. 663 00:42:46,236 --> 00:42:48,147 - So, what'd you do last night? - Got laid. 664 00:42:52,568 --> 00:42:55,917 Some more of that, uh, skill you were tellin' me about? 665 00:42:56,017 --> 00:42:59,587 I never will regret this 666 00:42:59,687 --> 00:43:02,194 I never will, never will Never will regret this 667 00:43:02,294 --> 00:43:04,196 Never will regret this 668 00:43:04,296 --> 00:43:08,793 I never will, never will Never will regret this 669 00:43:17,468 --> 00:43:21,818 Well, give us today and I'm not scared to say 670 00:43:21,918 --> 00:43:23,918 I'm afraid 671 00:43:24,858 --> 00:43:27,469 Yes, I have a couple of hesitations 672 00:43:27,569 --> 00:43:29,847 And I'll open the door 673 00:43:29,947 --> 00:43:34,268 And I wonder if she might come in 674 00:43:34,368 --> 00:43:39,628 And do you really need an invitation now 675 00:43:39,728 --> 00:43:43,798 'Cause I think I'm feeling really something today 676 00:43:43,898 --> 00:43:48,115 Yes, I think I feel a little spark, hey 677 00:43:48,215 --> 00:43:51,139 Are you sure that control is working, Banky? 678 00:43:51,239 --> 00:43:54,643 I thought you lived in the city. 679 00:43:54,743 --> 00:43:56,645 It's like the umpteenth time I've seen ya here. 680 00:43:56,745 --> 00:44:00,044 Isn't that grounds for the little pink mafia to throw you outta their club? 681 00:44:00,144 --> 00:44:01,983 Hey! That's the last time. 682 00:44:02,083 --> 00:44:05,820 I think I feel a little spark, hey 683 00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:09,261 A little jump start Never will forget this 684 00:44:09,361 --> 00:44:12,264 I never will, never will Never will forget this 685 00:44:12,364 --> 00:44:14,663 Never will forget this 686 00:44:14,763 --> 00:44:17,478 I never will, never will Never will forget this 687 00:44:17,578 --> 00:44:19,730 Never will forget this 688 00:44:19,830 --> 00:44:22,524 I never will, never will Never will forget this 689 00:44:22,624 --> 00:44:24,818 Never will forget this 690 00:44:24,918 --> 00:44:27,163 I never will, never will Never will forget this 691 00:44:34,054 --> 00:44:36,559 Wow. How bad do you suck? 692 00:44:37,953 --> 00:44:40,367 How was your pseudo date? 693 00:44:40,768 --> 00:44:42,836 - Leave it alone. - That chick bugs me. 694 00:44:42,936 --> 00:44:46,465 - No, everyone bugs you. - Get off! 695 00:44:48,104 --> 00:44:50,094 Fuckin' faggot. Did you see that? 696 00:44:50,194 --> 00:44:53,262 Your dyke-courting ass just got me scored on. 697 00:44:54,782 --> 00:44:57,580 You know, you should watch that, man. 698 00:44:58,069 --> 00:45:00,437 If you're gonna get so bent outta shape while playing the game... 699 00:45:00,537 --> 00:45:03,545 so much so that you feel the need to curse the TV... 700 00:45:03,645 --> 00:45:05,922 try not to gay bash it, all right? 701 00:45:06,022 --> 00:45:07,992 You're not that kind of guy. 702 00:45:08,295 --> 00:45:12,593 And don't call her a dyke. She's a lesbian. Okay? 703 00:45:20,391 --> 00:45:22,413 What the fuck is goin' on here? 704 00:45:23,102 --> 00:45:25,392 - I'm starting a new page? - Not with this shit! With you! 705 00:45:25,492 --> 00:45:27,402 What the fuck is goin' on with you and that girl? 706 00:45:27,502 --> 00:45:30,634 - We're just friends! - She's programming you! 707 00:45:30,734 --> 00:45:32,636 I beg your pardon? Programming? 708 00:45:32,736 --> 00:45:35,222 Yeah, and apparently you don't even fuckin' realize it. 709 00:45:35,322 --> 00:45:38,017 What does it matter if I refer to her as a dyke? 710 00:45:38,117 --> 00:45:41,750 Or if I call the Whalers faggots in the privacy of my own office... 711 00:45:41,850 --> 00:45:44,690 far from the sensitive ears of the rest of the world? 712 00:45:44,790 --> 00:45:48,402 Look, man, it's passive-aggressive gay bashing. 713 00:45:48,502 --> 00:45:50,487 And I know you're not really prejudiced at heart. 714 00:45:50,587 --> 00:45:56,502 I think you should find some other way to express your anger is all I'm saying. 715 00:46:09,761 --> 00:46:11,467 What are you doing? 716 00:46:11,567 --> 00:46:17,273 Just bear with me here. I want to put you through this little exercise. 717 00:46:24,780 --> 00:46:28,859 All right, now, see this? This is a four-way road, okay? 718 00:46:28,959 --> 00:46:33,447 And dead in the center is a crisp, new hundred-dollar bill. 719 00:46:33,547 --> 00:46:37,534 Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people. Okay? You following? 720 00:46:37,634 --> 00:46:39,536 - Yeah. - Good. 721 00:46:39,636 --> 00:46:42,790 Over here we have a male-affectionate, easy-to-get-along-with, 722 00:46:42,890 --> 00:46:45,668 nonpolitical-agenda lesbian. 723 00:46:45,768 --> 00:46:49,672 Down here we have a man-hating, angry-as-fuck, 724 00:46:49,772 --> 00:46:53,217 agenda-of-rage, bitter dyke. 725 00:46:53,317 --> 00:46:58,138 Over here we got Santa Claus, and up here, the Easter Bunny. 726 00:46:58,238 --> 00:47:02,810 Which one is going to get to the hundred-dollar bill first? 727 00:47:02,910 --> 00:47:04,893 - What is this supposed to prove? - No, I'm serious. 728 00:47:04,993 --> 00:47:07,898 This is a serious exercise. It's like an S.A.T. question. 729 00:47:07,998 --> 00:47:11,068 Which one is going to get to the hundred-dollar bill first? 730 00:47:11,168 --> 00:47:14,029 The male-friendly lesbian? The man-hating dyke? 731 00:47:14,129 --> 00:47:16,255 Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny? 732 00:47:17,822 --> 00:47:19,205 - The man-hating dyke. - Good. 733 00:47:19,328 --> 00:47:20,828 - Why? - I don't know. 734 00:47:20,928 --> 00:47:24,832 Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination! 735 00:47:24,932 --> 00:47:27,960 I don't need this. I'll be hiding from your fuckin' shit in my room. 736 00:47:28,060 --> 00:47:30,713 - What? - What is it about this girl, man? 737 00:47:30,813 --> 00:47:33,549 You know you have no shot at getting her into bed! 738 00:47:33,649 --> 00:47:36,051 Why do you bother wasting time with her? 739 00:47:36,151 --> 00:47:39,075 - Because you're Holden Fucking McNeil. - Right. 740 00:47:39,175 --> 00:47:43,726 Most persistent traveller on the road. That's not the path of least resistance. 741 00:47:43,826 --> 00:47:46,228 Everything's gotta be a fuckin' challenge for you. 742 00:47:46,328 --> 00:47:48,647 And this little relationship with that bitch... 743 00:47:48,747 --> 00:47:51,595 is a prime example of your fucking condition. 744 00:47:51,834 --> 00:47:54,225 Well, I don't need a magic eight ball to look into your future. 745 00:47:54,325 --> 00:47:58,713 You want a forecast? Here. Will Holden ever fuck Alyssa? 746 00:47:59,091 --> 00:48:02,036 Oh, what a shock. Not fucking likely. 747 00:48:02,136 --> 00:48:06,123 This relationship is affecting you, our work and our friendship. 748 00:48:06,223 --> 00:48:09,752 The time's gonna come when I throw down the gauntlet and say, "It's me or her." 749 00:48:09,852 --> 00:48:12,115 - Then what are you gonna say? - I say you should let this one go! 750 00:48:12,215 --> 00:48:15,716 No. What would you say? Would you trash 20 years of fuckin' friendship... 751 00:48:15,816 --> 00:48:18,052 because you've got some idiotic notion... 752 00:48:18,152 --> 00:48:21,555 that this chick would even let you sniff her panties, let alone fuck her? 753 00:48:21,655 --> 00:48:24,808 Look, fuckin' asshole, I'm telling you, okay? Let it go! 754 00:48:24,908 --> 00:48:26,831 What the fuck, man? 755 00:48:26,931 --> 00:48:28,895 What the fuck makes this bitch all that important? 756 00:48:28,995 --> 00:48:32,158 'Cause I'm fuckin' in love with her, man, okay? 757 00:48:38,696 --> 00:48:39,696 Fuck. 758 00:48:46,005 --> 00:48:50,376 - Well, I thought it was love - Thought it was love 759 00:48:50,476 --> 00:48:52,636 'Cause my heart... 760 00:48:57,057 --> 00:48:59,635 Wish you were the one being pursued for the cartoon. 761 00:48:59,735 --> 00:49:01,303 Oh, really? 762 00:49:01,403 --> 00:49:04,691 Yeah, then maybe you could sell out and pick up a check every once in a while. 763 00:49:05,595 --> 00:49:07,497 We're leaving? 764 00:49:07,597 --> 00:49:10,282 Well, it's not like this is a bed and breakfast. 765 00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:13,407 I've got a little business to conduct. 766 00:49:19,038 --> 00:49:23,242 Hello there. Let me ask you a question. 767 00:49:23,342 --> 00:49:27,726 Are you an authorized deal maker in this establishment? 768 00:49:27,826 --> 00:49:30,749 Do you have the power to negotiate? 769 00:49:30,849 --> 00:49:33,752 You wanna haggle over the price of your French dip? 770 00:49:33,852 --> 00:49:39,174 No, I wanna haggle over the price of fine art. 771 00:49:39,274 --> 00:49:42,344 - What do you mean? - There. By the kitchen. 772 00:49:42,713 --> 00:49:45,681 See? That painting. 773 00:49:45,781 --> 00:49:50,144 - What about it? - The price tag says 75. 774 00:49:50,244 --> 00:49:52,327 - So? - Tell me you're kidding. 775 00:49:53,476 --> 00:49:55,154 I'll give you 50. 776 00:50:01,956 --> 00:50:06,666 Manuel, could you bring the Dyksiezski down off the wall, please? 777 00:50:07,378 --> 00:50:09,997 My new Dyksiezski. 778 00:50:10,097 --> 00:50:13,959 - Where are you gonna hang it? - I'm not. You are. 779 00:50:14,059 --> 00:50:15,961 Oh? You want me to hang it for you? 780 00:50:16,061 --> 00:50:18,124 You better hope it doesn't get out to the girl nation... 781 00:50:18,224 --> 00:50:19,965 you needed a man to help you hang a picture. 782 00:50:20,065 --> 00:50:23,865 No, no, no. You're going to hang it in your house. 783 00:50:23,965 --> 00:50:27,398 - Yeah, right. - I'm serious. 784 00:50:32,028 --> 00:50:35,648 - Why? - Because it's captured the moment. 785 00:50:35,748 --> 00:50:38,546 It'll be a constant reminder, not just of tonight, 786 00:50:38,646 --> 00:50:43,280 but of our introduction, of the building of our friendship, everything. 787 00:50:43,380 --> 00:50:47,847 Make no mistake about it, my friend, it is a gift from me to you, 788 00:50:47,947 --> 00:50:51,213 so you'll always remember us. 789 00:51:04,659 --> 00:51:06,165 Why are we stopping? 790 00:51:06,330 --> 00:51:09,879 - Because I can't take this. - Can't take what? 791 00:51:10,291 --> 00:51:11,481 I love you. 792 00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:21,360 You love me? 793 00:51:21,460 --> 00:51:25,197 I love you and not, not in a friendly way. 794 00:51:25,297 --> 00:51:27,408 Although, I think we're great friends. 795 00:51:27,508 --> 00:51:30,870 And not in a misplaced affection, puppy dog way. 796 00:51:30,970 --> 00:51:33,038 Although, I'm sure that's what you'll call it. 797 00:51:33,138 --> 00:51:36,563 I love you. Very... 798 00:51:36,663 --> 00:51:39,962 Very simple. Very truly. 799 00:51:40,062 --> 00:51:44,842 You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. 800 00:51:44,942 --> 00:51:46,907 And I know that you think of me as just a friend, 801 00:51:47,007 --> 00:51:49,440 and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option... 802 00:51:49,540 --> 00:51:51,390 you would ever consider, 803 00:51:51,904 --> 00:51:55,890 but... I had to say it. 804 00:51:56,453 --> 00:51:58,418 I just... I can't take this anymore. 805 00:51:58,518 --> 00:52:01,525 I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. 806 00:52:01,625 --> 00:52:03,976 I can't... I can't look into your eyes without feeling that... 807 00:52:04,076 --> 00:52:07,093 that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. 808 00:52:07,193 --> 00:52:12,870 I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. 809 00:52:12,970 --> 00:52:18,417 And I know this will probably queer our friendship... no pun intended... 810 00:52:18,517 --> 00:52:22,517 but I had to say it. 811 00:52:24,210 --> 00:52:26,791 'Cause I've never felt this way before. 812 00:52:27,714 --> 00:52:31,722 And I don't care. I like who I am because of it. 813 00:52:33,199 --> 00:52:36,879 And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, 814 00:52:37,189 --> 00:52:38,901 then that hurts me. 815 00:52:39,893 --> 00:52:42,337 But, God, I just... I couldn't allow another day to go by... 816 00:52:42,437 --> 00:52:45,813 without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, 817 00:52:46,720 --> 00:52:51,631 which, by the look on your face, is to be the inevitable... 818 00:52:52,009 --> 00:52:53,487 shoot down. 819 00:52:54,803 --> 00:52:58,212 And, you know, I'll accept that. 820 00:53:00,142 --> 00:53:03,927 But I know... I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment. 821 00:53:04,063 --> 00:53:07,413 And if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. 822 00:53:07,578 --> 00:53:09,698 And all I ask, please, is that you just... 823 00:53:09,798 --> 00:53:14,902 you just not dismiss that and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. 824 00:53:16,609 --> 00:53:17,609 Ah. 825 00:53:19,820 --> 00:53:21,220 Alyssa. 826 00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:27,446 There isn't another soul on this fucking planet... 827 00:53:27,795 --> 00:53:31,655 who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you. 828 00:53:31,902 --> 00:53:36,328 And I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau, 829 00:53:36,428 --> 00:53:38,456 because it is there between you and me. 830 00:53:38,556 --> 00:53:40,113 You can't deny that. 831 00:53:51,233 --> 00:53:53,214 Even if, you know... 832 00:53:57,483 --> 00:54:00,208 Even if we never talk again after tonight, 833 00:54:01,537 --> 00:54:05,407 please know that I am forever changed... 834 00:54:06,083 --> 00:54:09,966 because of who you are and what you've meant to me, 835 00:54:10,546 --> 00:54:13,783 which, while I do appreciate it, 836 00:54:14,717 --> 00:54:18,858 I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of. 837 00:54:35,033 --> 00:54:36,633 Oh, God. 838 00:54:38,240 --> 00:54:40,108 Was it something I said? 839 00:54:41,511 --> 00:54:42,511 Fuck. 840 00:54:49,701 --> 00:54:52,279 - What are you doing? - Get in the car and get outta here! 841 00:54:52,379 --> 00:54:54,573 - You're gonna hitch to New York? - Yep! 842 00:54:54,673 --> 00:54:57,827 - Aren't you at least gonna comment? - Here's my comment: Fuck you! 843 00:54:57,927 --> 00:54:59,870 - Why? - That was so unfair. 844 00:54:59,970 --> 00:55:01,309 You know how unfair that was. 845 00:55:01,409 --> 00:55:03,311 What? It's unfair that I'm in love with you? 846 00:55:03,411 --> 00:55:05,856 No, it's unfortunate that you're in love with me. 847 00:55:05,956 --> 00:55:09,359 It's unfair you felt the fuckin' need to unburden your soul about it. 848 00:55:09,459 --> 00:55:12,675 Do you remember for one fucking second who I am? 849 00:55:12,775 --> 00:55:15,094 So? I mean, you know, people change. 850 00:55:15,194 --> 00:55:17,096 Oh! Oh! It's that simple! 851 00:55:17,196 --> 00:55:19,974 You fall in love with me and want a romantic relationship. 852 00:55:20,074 --> 00:55:21,976 Nothing changes for you... 853 00:55:22,076 --> 00:55:24,520 with the exception of feeling hunky-dory all the time. 854 00:55:24,620 --> 00:55:28,545 But what about me, Holden? It's not that simple! 855 00:55:28,645 --> 00:55:31,006 I just can't get into a relationship with you... 856 00:55:31,106 --> 00:55:34,196 without throwing my whole fucking world into upheaval. 857 00:55:34,296 --> 00:55:38,513 That's every relationship. There's always gonna be a period of adjustment. 858 00:55:38,613 --> 00:55:41,162 Period of adjustment? 859 00:55:41,262 --> 00:55:45,541 There's no period of adjustment, Holden! I am fucking gay! 860 00:55:45,641 --> 00:55:47,668 That's who I am! 861 00:55:47,768 --> 00:55:53,430 You assume I can turn all that around because you've got a fucking crush? 862 00:55:55,726 --> 00:55:59,207 If this is a crush, I don't think I could take it if the real thing ever happened. 863 00:56:01,490 --> 00:56:03,271 Go home, Holden. 864 00:57:28,704 --> 00:57:33,015 You're back with Chaz and Stu and the New Zoo Review. 865 00:57:33,165 --> 00:57:37,078 As always behind us we got wacky... 866 00:57:55,998 --> 00:57:58,507 I take it that's not good. 867 00:57:58,846 --> 00:58:00,807 Stay here. 868 00:58:02,194 --> 00:58:04,994 Be right back. 869 00:58:25,397 --> 00:58:27,543 Catholic schoolgirls. 870 00:58:28,905 --> 00:58:31,112 The uniform's what does it for me. 871 00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:36,621 I wish I'd went with more Catholic schoolgirls when I was a kid. 872 00:58:37,208 --> 00:58:41,778 As it stands, I have no "And then she unzipped her jumper" stories. 873 00:58:43,305 --> 00:58:45,471 You seemed weirded-out back there. 874 00:58:46,812 --> 00:58:51,207 - That's my couch you were fucking on. - Sorry. 875 00:58:51,454 --> 00:58:55,085 I wanted to watch some TV. Hard to do when your best friend is... 876 00:58:55,185 --> 00:58:57,664 wrapped around a naked rug-muncher on your couch. 877 00:58:58,902 --> 00:59:00,924 She had boxers on. 878 00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:09,413 - This is all gonna end badly. - You don't know that. 879 00:59:09,513 --> 00:59:13,166 I know you. You're way too conservative for that girl. 880 00:59:13,266 --> 00:59:16,995 She's been around and seen things we've only read about in books. 881 00:59:17,854 --> 00:59:21,080 We have read about them, so we're prepared. 882 00:59:21,691 --> 00:59:23,803 There's no "we" here. 883 00:59:26,688 --> 00:59:28,817 You're gonna have to go through this alone. 884 00:59:29,303 --> 00:59:31,247 It's one thing to read about shit, 885 00:59:31,347 --> 00:59:34,655 something different when you're forced to deal with it on a regular basis. 886 00:59:35,539 --> 00:59:39,317 When you are walking in a mall and your heads turn at a nice-looking chick, 887 00:59:39,417 --> 00:59:41,608 it's gonna eat you up inside. 888 00:59:42,546 --> 00:59:46,023 You'll spend most of your time wondering when the other shoe's gonna drop. 889 00:59:47,175 --> 00:59:50,851 'Cause for you this isn't about cool, weird sex stuff. 890 00:59:51,304 --> 00:59:52,707 It's about love. 891 00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:55,616 Maybe it is for her as well. 892 00:59:56,831 --> 00:59:58,959 Somehow I doubt it. 893 01:00:00,147 --> 01:00:02,528 Everybody's not out to get someone in life, Bank. 894 01:00:03,045 --> 01:00:06,736 Everybody has an agenda, all right? Everyone. 895 01:00:07,232 --> 01:00:08,470 Yourself? 896 01:00:08,676 --> 01:00:11,579 - My agenda is to watch your back. - To what end? 897 01:00:11,679 --> 01:00:14,582 To insure that all this time we've spent together, building something, 898 01:00:14,682 --> 01:00:15,750 wasn't wasted. 899 01:00:15,850 --> 01:00:18,558 Oh, she's not gonna ruin the comic. 900 01:00:22,369 --> 01:00:24,541 I wasn't talkin' about the comic. 901 01:00:27,718 --> 01:00:29,806 I'm gonna go get a bagel. 902 01:00:29,906 --> 01:00:32,835 Clean off my fucking couch so I can watch TV. 903 01:00:44,367 --> 01:00:46,712 From what I understand, when you sign with a publisher... 904 01:00:46,812 --> 01:00:49,616 someone else does all this work for you, and you just sit back and collect. 905 01:00:49,716 --> 01:00:52,954 And miss these late-night cram sessions with my nearest and dearest? 906 01:00:53,054 --> 01:00:55,435 - Never. - I don't know what she's bitching about. 907 01:00:55,535 --> 01:00:58,105 All she's done since we got here is pound Merlot. 908 01:00:58,205 --> 01:00:59,272 Yeah, you're a real help. 909 01:00:59,372 --> 01:01:02,004 I'd like to know why we're here at all... 910 01:01:02,104 --> 01:01:04,066 when we haven't seen Princess Funny Book in a month. 911 01:01:04,166 --> 01:01:09,041 - Yeah. Who you shackin' up with? - "Shacking up with"? Please. 912 01:01:11,105 --> 01:01:12,994 I'm so in love! 913 01:01:13,094 --> 01:01:14,094 Ohh! 914 01:01:15,388 --> 01:01:19,710 I know, I know. I feel like such a goon, but I can't help it. 915 01:01:19,810 --> 01:01:22,713 - We have such a great time together. - Who is it? 916 01:01:22,813 --> 01:01:24,715 Someone you guys don't know. 917 01:01:24,815 --> 01:01:26,819 That chick you left the restaurant with that night. 918 01:01:26,919 --> 01:01:28,802 They're not from around here. 919 01:01:28,902 --> 01:01:30,804 Don't even tell me you met her down the shore. 920 01:01:30,904 --> 01:01:33,536 Ew, a bridge-and-tunnel Jersey dyke. 921 01:01:33,636 --> 01:01:36,143 With huge hair and acid-washed jeans. 922 01:01:36,243 --> 01:01:40,230 For your information, they don't have big hair or wear acid-wash. 923 01:01:40,330 --> 01:01:42,324 They're from my hometown. 924 01:01:47,121 --> 01:01:49,239 Why are you playing the pronoun game? 925 01:01:49,339 --> 01:01:53,056 - What are you talking about? I'm not. - You are. 926 01:01:53,156 --> 01:01:58,498 I met "someone." "We" have a great time. "They're" from my hometown. 927 01:01:58,598 --> 01:02:00,759 Doesn't this tube of wonderful have a name? 928 01:02:07,975 --> 01:02:09,375 Holden. 929 01:02:24,825 --> 01:02:26,225 Well... 930 01:02:29,746 --> 01:02:31,707 here's to the both of you. 931 01:02:35,377 --> 01:02:37,528 Another one bites the dust. 932 01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:48,483 Can I ask you a question? 933 01:02:49,191 --> 01:02:52,052 Don't even tell me you want to do it again. 934 01:02:55,189 --> 01:02:59,149 Why me? You know? Why now? 935 01:02:59,701 --> 01:03:03,146 Well, because you were givin' me that look and I got all wet. 936 01:03:03,246 --> 01:03:04,637 You know what I mean. 937 01:03:05,540 --> 01:03:06,989 Why not you? 938 01:03:08,084 --> 01:03:12,786 Well, I'm a guy. I mean... you're attracted to girls. 939 01:03:13,298 --> 01:03:15,551 I see you've been taking notes. 940 01:03:15,905 --> 01:03:18,893 Historically, yes. That's true. 941 01:03:20,522 --> 01:03:21,965 Then why this? 942 01:03:26,512 --> 01:03:29,497 Well, I've given that a lot of thought, you know. 943 01:03:29,919 --> 01:03:32,864 Now that I'm being ostracized by my friends, 944 01:03:32,964 --> 01:03:34,778 I've had plenty of time to think about it. 945 01:03:35,913 --> 01:03:38,357 And what I've come up with is really simple. 946 01:03:39,733 --> 01:03:42,432 I came to this on my own terms. 947 01:03:43,161 --> 01:03:45,878 You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught: 948 01:03:46,144 --> 01:03:49,757 Men and women should be together, it's the natural way, 949 01:03:50,085 --> 01:03:51,448 that kind of thing. 950 01:03:52,087 --> 01:03:56,283 I'm not with you because of what family, society, life... 951 01:03:56,978 --> 01:03:59,453 tried to instill in me from day one. 952 01:04:01,784 --> 01:04:03,600 The way the world is, 953 01:04:04,266 --> 01:04:08,675 how seldom it is that you meet that one person who... 954 01:04:09,354 --> 01:04:10,883 just gets you. 955 01:04:11,982 --> 01:04:13,338 It's so rare. 956 01:04:14,464 --> 01:04:16,680 My parents didn't really have it. 957 01:04:17,633 --> 01:04:22,250 There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. 958 01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:26,686 And to cut oneself off from finding that person... 959 01:04:27,414 --> 01:04:31,714 to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility... 960 01:04:31,814 --> 01:04:35,062 of finding that one person within your own gender... 961 01:04:35,990 --> 01:04:37,699 that just seemed stupid to me. 962 01:04:38,549 --> 01:04:40,199 So I didn't. 963 01:04:41,519 --> 01:04:43,232 But then you came along. 964 01:04:43,993 --> 01:04:47,812 You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy. 965 01:04:49,400 --> 01:04:50,473 Still am. 966 01:04:50,886 --> 01:04:55,528 And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, 967 01:04:55,692 --> 01:04:57,653 because you were a guy. 968 01:04:58,570 --> 01:05:02,274 Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: 969 01:05:03,492 --> 01:05:07,680 To not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd... 970 01:05:07,850 --> 01:05:10,199 complement me so completely. 971 01:05:14,495 --> 01:05:16,221 So, here we are. 972 01:05:17,693 --> 01:05:20,042 I was thorough when I looked for you. 973 01:05:21,874 --> 01:05:24,659 And I feel justified lying in your arms... 974 01:05:25,959 --> 01:05:28,661 'cause I got here on my own terms, 975 01:05:29,622 --> 01:05:33,200 and I have no question there was someplace I didn't look. 976 01:05:34,644 --> 01:05:36,872 For me that makes all the difference. 977 01:05:53,408 --> 01:05:56,495 Can I at least tell people all you needed was some serious deep-dicking? 978 01:06:03,377 --> 01:06:05,963 - Move! - Stop! 979 01:06:18,980 --> 01:06:21,770 - What? - Check out page 48. 980 01:06:34,103 --> 01:06:36,869 - So? - Did you see the nickname? 981 01:06:39,288 --> 01:06:41,715 - "Finger Cuffs." - And? 982 01:06:42,090 --> 01:06:46,089 - Weird nickname. What's your point? - Do you know why it's "Finger Cuffs"? 983 01:06:46,595 --> 01:06:49,840 - No. I suppose you do. - I do. 984 01:06:52,426 --> 01:06:56,322 Remember Cohee Lundin? Left Hudson and went to North our senior year? 985 01:06:57,105 --> 01:06:58,105 Yeah. 986 01:06:59,107 --> 01:07:02,260 Well, asshole, I ran into him at the stores the other day. 987 01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:04,784 God, it's been ages since I've seen him. 988 01:07:04,884 --> 01:07:08,350 - Mentioned you were dating Alyssa. - Did you? 989 01:07:08,450 --> 01:07:10,665 Yeah. Funny thing is, you know what he said? 990 01:07:10,765 --> 01:07:15,503 Shit, I know Alyssa Jones. I mean, I know Alyssa Jones. 991 01:07:15,603 --> 01:07:19,653 Me and Rick Derris used to hang around her house after school... 992 01:07:19,753 --> 01:07:22,411 and shit, 'cause her parents were, like, never home and shit, right? 993 01:07:22,511 --> 01:07:25,243 But one day Rick whips it out and starts rubbin' it on her leg and shit, 994 01:07:25,343 --> 01:07:27,411 chasin' her around the living room; I was dyin'. 995 01:07:27,511 --> 01:07:30,189 You know what the crazy bitch did? She fuckin' drops to her knees... 996 01:07:30,289 --> 01:07:33,166 and starts suckin' him off right in front of me, like I wasn't even there. 997 01:07:33,266 --> 01:07:35,502 I almost died. But that's not the fucked-up part. 998 01:07:35,602 --> 01:07:39,506 The fucked-up part was Rick, right in the middle of it, pointin' at her, 999 01:07:39,606 --> 01:07:41,925 and he says "Cohee," just like that, "Cohee." 1000 01:07:42,025 --> 01:07:43,927 So I'm like, "Yo, I'll give it a shot." 1001 01:07:44,027 --> 01:07:46,988 I start pullin' her pants down and shit, all slow 'cause I figure any second... 1002 01:07:47,088 --> 01:07:49,073 she's gonna turn around and belt me in the mouth, right? 1003 01:07:49,173 --> 01:07:52,561 But she's all into it, man! She don't try to stop me or nothin'! 1004 01:07:52,661 --> 01:07:55,482 She's all wet and I just start goin' to work, you know what I'm sayin'? 1005 01:07:55,582 --> 01:07:58,381 Me and Rick are goin' to town on this crazy bitch, and she's lovin' it, 1006 01:07:58,481 --> 01:08:00,381 all moaning and shit. 1007 01:08:00,481 --> 01:08:02,422 It was fucked-up. So Rick came up with the nickname. 1008 01:08:02,522 --> 01:08:06,992 That day she had us locked in from both sides like Chinese finger cuffs. 1009 01:08:07,360 --> 01:08:08,360 He's full of shit. 1010 01:08:08,460 --> 01:08:11,604 Cohee's a lot of things, but an exaggerator he's not. 1011 01:08:11,728 --> 01:08:13,595 - The dude's Catholic. - She's never even been with a guy. 1012 01:08:13,695 --> 01:08:16,731 That's what she says. But I say her on her hands and knees... 1013 01:08:16,831 --> 01:08:20,068 getting filled out like an application constitutes "being with a guy." 1014 01:08:20,168 --> 01:08:23,133 Look, man. Cohee Lundin is pulling your chain, okay? 1015 01:08:23,233 --> 01:08:26,303 The fact you even believe him makes you look like a complete fuckin' idiot. 1016 01:08:26,403 --> 01:08:28,638 I'm getting your back, asshole! 1017 01:08:28,738 --> 01:08:31,308 People don't forget shit like "Finger Cuffs." 1018 01:08:31,408 --> 01:08:34,936 What if it got out that she's queer as well? How's that gonna make you look? 1019 01:08:35,036 --> 01:08:38,357 - Well, I give a shit what people think. - Fuck! 1020 01:08:38,457 --> 01:08:41,568 All right. What if she's carrying a disease? 1021 01:08:41,668 --> 01:08:43,591 - Fuck you! - What? 1022 01:08:43,691 --> 01:08:46,823 Oh, it's not possible that she's all crudded-up? 1023 01:08:46,923 --> 01:08:50,410 Cohee I can vouch for is clean. The dude never got laid in high school. 1024 01:08:50,510 --> 01:08:53,330 But Derris? He's an arch-fucking-bushman! 1025 01:08:53,430 --> 01:08:57,125 Name me one chick in our senior class that he didn't nail, for Christ's sake! 1026 01:08:57,225 --> 01:09:00,441 Let it go, okay? I'm telling you, she's never even been with a guy, 1027 01:09:00,541 --> 01:09:02,547 much less these two fuckin' zeroes. 1028 01:09:02,647 --> 01:09:06,259 And the bitch could be a bigger germ farm than that monkey in Outbreak! 1029 01:09:06,359 --> 01:09:10,263 Would you let it go, okay? I'm fuckin' tired of this shit! 1030 01:09:10,363 --> 01:09:15,310 She's my goddamn girlfriend! Show a little fuckin' respect! 1031 01:09:15,410 --> 01:09:18,605 And I swear to God, if I ever hear you so much as fucking mention... 1032 01:09:18,705 --> 01:09:23,173 Alyssa looks a little peaked, I'll put your fucking teeth down your throat! 1033 01:09:27,237 --> 01:09:29,512 Maybe I'll put your fuckin' teeth down your throat. 1034 01:09:29,795 --> 01:09:32,012 Yeah, maybe. 1035 01:09:37,243 --> 01:09:39,368 I've been workin' out, ya know! 1036 01:09:41,060 --> 01:09:43,370 You better be ready to make that deal. 1037 01:09:46,225 --> 01:09:49,136 So, where's that bitch partner of yours been? 1038 01:09:49,236 --> 01:09:50,429 Sulking. 1039 01:09:50,529 --> 01:09:52,513 He's having a real problem with this Alyssa thing. 1040 01:09:52,613 --> 01:09:56,852 I think it's more like Banky's having a real problem with all things not hetero, 1041 01:09:56,952 --> 01:09:59,813 and I'm just another paradigm of said aberration. 1042 01:09:59,913 --> 01:10:05,110 - Banky does not hate gays. - But he is a bit homophobic. 1043 01:10:05,210 --> 01:10:08,739 This latest episode between you and Miss Thing has tapped into that. 1044 01:10:08,839 --> 01:10:13,326 In his warped perception, he lost you to the "dark side," which is she. 1045 01:10:13,426 --> 01:10:15,328 You make it sound like me and him were dating. 1046 01:10:15,428 --> 01:10:16,726 Don't kid yourself. 1047 01:10:16,826 --> 01:10:19,758 That boy loves you in a way that he ain't ready to deal with. 1048 01:10:23,762 --> 01:10:29,009 - He's been digging up dirt on Alyssa. - Uh-uh, honey! 1049 01:10:29,109 --> 01:10:34,973 And just what has Mr. Angela Lansbury uncovered about your lady fair? 1050 01:10:35,073 --> 01:10:37,768 He heard some bullshit story that she took on two guys. 1051 01:10:37,868 --> 01:10:39,268 Really? 1052 01:10:39,995 --> 01:10:43,940 Then he's barkin' up the wrong tree if he wants to split you up, isn't he? 1053 01:10:44,040 --> 01:10:46,443 He's not gonna make you see the error of your ways... 1054 01:10:46,543 --> 01:10:48,612 by pointing out how truly gay she's not. 1055 01:10:48,712 --> 01:10:51,531 - This one? - I have it. 1056 01:10:51,631 --> 01:10:56,661 - Actually, it has kinda gotten to me. - How so? 1057 01:10:56,761 --> 01:10:59,227 Well, Banky's got a pretty good bullshit detector. 1058 01:10:59,327 --> 01:11:01,678 - He's not known for misinformation. - So what if it is true? 1059 01:11:01,778 --> 01:11:04,252 - Would that bother you? - Sex with multiple partners? 1060 01:11:04,352 --> 01:11:06,275 At the same time? 1061 01:11:06,375 --> 01:11:07,975 Ah! Ooh! 1062 01:11:08,377 --> 01:11:10,967 Thanks for being so comforting. I appreciate it. 1063 01:11:11,067 --> 01:11:12,969 So, what do you care? 1064 01:11:13,069 --> 01:11:15,243 That's just it, you know? I shouldn't care. 1065 01:11:15,343 --> 01:11:17,245 - But it just... It gets to me. - Look, 1066 01:11:17,345 --> 01:11:20,105 the kind of gal Alyssa is, you don't think she's been in the middle... 1067 01:11:20,205 --> 01:11:22,613 of an all-girl group grope? 1068 01:11:25,324 --> 01:11:28,819 You see, that doesn't bother me, right? But just the thought of her with guys... 1069 01:11:28,919 --> 01:11:32,531 Oh, Holden, I beg you, please. Don't drop 50 stories in my opinion of you... 1070 01:11:32,631 --> 01:11:35,659 by falling prey to that latest of trendy beasts. 1071 01:11:35,759 --> 01:11:37,786 - Which is? - Lesbian chic. 1072 01:11:37,886 --> 01:11:42,207 It's oh-so acceptable to be a gay girl nowadays. People think it's cute. 1073 01:11:42,307 --> 01:11:45,669 Got this fool picture of lipstick lesbians in their heads, 1074 01:11:45,769 --> 01:11:49,798 like they all resemble Alyssa, while most of 'em look more like you. 1075 01:11:49,898 --> 01:11:52,780 Do I detect a little intersubculture cattiness here? 1076 01:11:52,880 --> 01:11:55,178 Gay or straight, ugly's still ugly. 1077 01:11:55,278 --> 01:11:57,889 And most of those boys are scary. 1078 01:11:57,989 --> 01:12:00,132 I thought you fags were all super-supportive of one another. 1079 01:12:00,232 --> 01:12:01,831 Screw that all-for-one shit. 1080 01:12:01,931 --> 01:12:04,547 I gotta deal with bein' a minority in the minority of the minority, 1081 01:12:04,647 --> 01:12:06,773 and nobody's supportin' my ass. 1082 01:12:06,873 --> 01:12:10,173 While the whole of society's fawning over girls-on-girls, 1083 01:12:10,273 --> 01:12:12,175 here I sit, a reviled gay man. 1084 01:12:12,275 --> 01:12:14,677 And to top that off, I'm a gay black man, 1085 01:12:14,777 --> 01:12:16,679 notoriously, the most swishy of the bunch. 1086 01:12:16,779 --> 01:12:18,744 - Three strikes... - Hey, hey! There's a line. 1087 01:12:18,844 --> 01:12:21,755 Are you Hooper X? 1088 01:12:25,008 --> 01:12:28,686 - Salaam alaykem, little brother. - Could you sign my comic? 1089 01:12:33,864 --> 01:12:36,319 Hey. You see that man right there? 1090 01:12:37,104 --> 01:12:40,074 He the devil. Understand? 1091 01:12:40,928 --> 01:12:43,861 Never take your eye off the Man. 1092 01:12:50,242 --> 01:12:53,443 - Fight the power, little G. - Word is bond. 1093 01:12:53,670 --> 01:12:55,651 Word is bond. 1094 01:13:00,210 --> 01:13:02,933 Look at what I have to resort to for professional respect. 1095 01:13:03,738 --> 01:13:05,173 Look at what I have to resort to for professional respect. 1096 01:13:05,273 --> 01:13:06,884 What is it about gay men that terrifies the rest of the world? 1097 01:13:08,969 --> 01:13:12,714 - As for this hang-up with Alyssa's past, - Um-hm. 1098 01:13:12,814 --> 01:13:16,718 maybe what's troubling you is that your fragile fantasy might not be true. 1099 01:13:16,818 --> 01:13:20,055 - What does that mean? - Holden, don't even try to come off... 1100 01:13:20,155 --> 01:13:22,224 like you don't know what I'm sayin'. 1101 01:13:22,324 --> 01:13:26,999 Men need to believe that they're Marco-fuckin'-Polo when it comes to sex. 1102 01:13:27,099 --> 01:13:29,731 Like they're the only ones who've ever explored new territory. 1103 01:13:29,831 --> 01:13:32,401 And it's hard not to let 'em believe it. 1104 01:13:32,501 --> 01:13:34,841 I let my boys run with it for a while. 1105 01:13:34,941 --> 01:13:37,614 Feed 'em some of that "I've never done this before" bullshit... 1106 01:13:37,714 --> 01:13:40,308 and let them labor under the delusion that they're rockin' my world... 1107 01:13:40,408 --> 01:13:43,057 until I can't stand 'em no more, then I hit 'em with the truth. 1108 01:13:43,157 --> 01:13:45,059 It's a sick game. 1109 01:13:45,159 --> 01:13:47,061 The world would be a better place... 1110 01:13:47,161 --> 01:13:49,386 if people would just accept there's nothin' new under the sun, 1111 01:13:49,486 --> 01:13:51,169 and anything you can do with a person... 1112 01:13:51,269 --> 01:13:54,131 has probably been done long before you got there. 1113 01:13:54,231 --> 01:13:57,634 - Hey, I can accept that. - Honey, that almost sounded convincing. 1114 01:13:57,734 --> 01:14:02,431 Do yourself a favor: Just ask the girl about her past point-blank. 1115 01:14:02,531 --> 01:14:05,434 Get it out of the way before it gets too big for both of y'all to move. 1116 01:14:05,534 --> 01:14:07,444 Ooh! Yanni! 1117 01:14:20,290 --> 01:14:22,090 Boo! Boo! 1118 01:14:26,880 --> 01:14:29,333 Since most of these people are rooting for the home team, 1119 01:14:29,433 --> 01:14:31,335 I'm going to cheer for the visitors. 1120 01:14:31,435 --> 01:14:33,670 I'm a big visitors fan. 1121 01:14:33,770 --> 01:14:37,307 Especially the kind that make coffee for you in the morning before they go. 1122 01:14:39,351 --> 01:14:42,471 That was a joke. Bah-dum-bah. 1123 01:14:42,571 --> 01:14:45,599 A little wacky wordplay. 1124 01:14:45,699 --> 01:14:48,435 Wha-What do you mean, "visitors"? 1125 01:14:48,535 --> 01:14:50,479 Was I being too obscure? 1126 01:14:50,579 --> 01:14:55,742 The kind that, until recently, had no dicks and would stay the night. 1127 01:14:57,035 --> 01:15:00,179 So, uh, that was until recently, right? 1128 01:15:01,047 --> 01:15:02,572 Uh, yeah. 1129 01:15:09,047 --> 01:15:13,126 Hey! Foul! Foul! He was traveling or something. 1130 01:15:13,630 --> 01:15:17,075 So, nobody but me has spent the night at your place since we got together? 1131 01:15:17,942 --> 01:15:19,487 Somethin' on your mind, Holden? 1132 01:15:20,459 --> 01:15:23,970 - Just wondering. - If I've been faithful or something? 1133 01:15:24,667 --> 01:15:27,102 I was just asking. 1134 01:15:27,574 --> 01:15:29,974 Oh, sweetie. 1135 01:15:30,932 --> 01:15:33,271 I only have eyes for you. 1136 01:15:38,911 --> 01:15:43,318 If you don't start usin' that whistle, I'm gonna jam it straight up your ass! 1137 01:15:44,597 --> 01:15:45,690 Right? 1138 01:15:47,169 --> 01:15:50,172 What's uh... What's with "Finger Cuffs"? 1139 01:16:04,382 --> 01:16:05,700 "Finger Cuffs"? 1140 01:16:05,800 --> 01:16:10,642 In your senior yearbook your nickname was Finger Cuffs. What does that mean? 1141 01:16:10,742 --> 01:16:13,047 - It was? - Yeah. 1142 01:16:14,780 --> 01:16:17,190 Shit. Damned if I can remember. 1143 01:16:17,290 --> 01:16:20,444 I'd look it up, but I threw all that shit out years ago. 1144 01:16:20,544 --> 01:16:23,651 - Where'd you see a North yearbook? - Do you know a Rick Derris? 1145 01:16:25,582 --> 01:16:28,252 - Rick Derris? - Yeah. 1146 01:16:30,754 --> 01:16:33,224 Sure. We used to hang out in high school. 1147 01:16:33,849 --> 01:16:36,209 Punch him in the fuckin' neck, number 12! 1148 01:16:36,309 --> 01:16:39,504 Come on. Come on! 1149 01:16:39,604 --> 01:16:42,007 Did you guys, like, date or something? 1150 01:16:42,405 --> 01:16:46,345 Date Rick Derris? No, no. We just hung out a lot. 1151 01:16:46,510 --> 01:16:48,847 Just-Just you and Rick. 1152 01:16:49,192 --> 01:16:52,823 No. Me, Rick and, um... 1153 01:16:53,034 --> 01:16:55,093 God, what was his name? 1154 01:16:55,328 --> 01:16:57,960 Um... What was his name? 1155 01:16:58,146 --> 01:17:00,147 - What was his name? - Cohee. 1156 01:17:00,354 --> 01:17:02,444 Yes! Cohee! Cohee Lundin! 1157 01:17:02,544 --> 01:17:04,788 God, I haven't thought about that name in years. 1158 01:17:08,000 --> 01:17:11,495 Those guys used to come over to my house almost every day after school. 1159 01:17:11,595 --> 01:17:15,707 They'd bug my sisters, look through my dad's closet for porno tapes, 1160 01:17:15,807 --> 01:17:17,876 raid the fridge. 1161 01:17:17,976 --> 01:17:21,054 They really took advantage of my parents' never being home. 1162 01:17:24,516 --> 01:17:26,447 This one day, 1163 01:17:26,547 --> 01:17:30,472 Rick pulled his dick out and started chasing me around the house with it. 1164 01:17:30,572 --> 01:17:32,733 Right in front of Cohee, man. I couldn't believe it. 1165 01:17:36,195 --> 01:17:39,127 Rick pulled his dick out? Really? 1166 01:17:39,227 --> 01:17:41,775 What did you do? 1167 01:17:41,875 --> 01:17:44,495 I blew him while Cohee fucked me! 1168 01:17:49,682 --> 01:17:52,661 - Excuse me? - That's what you wanted to hear. 1169 01:17:52,761 --> 01:17:57,295 That's what this little cross-examination of your is all about? 1170 01:17:57,891 --> 01:18:00,314 Well, next time try not to make it so obvious, all right? 1171 01:18:00,414 --> 01:18:04,330 There's subtler ways of badgering a witness. Am I right? 1172 01:18:04,898 --> 01:18:07,714 Geez, man. Even I knew what you were gettin' at. 1173 01:18:08,235 --> 01:18:11,638 If you wanted background information on me, all you had to do was ask. 1174 01:18:11,738 --> 01:18:13,661 I would have gladly volunteered it. 1175 01:18:13,761 --> 01:18:16,544 You didn't have to go playing Hercule-fucking-Poirot. 1176 01:18:22,630 --> 01:18:24,487 Told ya these were good seats. 1177 01:18:34,128 --> 01:18:35,928 Hey. Hey! 1178 01:18:39,091 --> 01:18:41,356 - Hey, would you wait a minute? - Get the fuck off me! 1179 01:18:41,456 --> 01:18:45,526 - So it's true, right? - Is that what you wanna hear? 1180 01:18:45,626 --> 01:18:47,528 Yeah, Holden, it's true. 1181 01:18:47,628 --> 01:18:51,553 In fact, everything you heard or dug up on me is probably true. 1182 01:18:51,653 --> 01:18:54,035 Yeah, I took on two guys at once! 1183 01:18:54,752 --> 01:18:57,559 You wanna hear some gems you might not have unearthed? 1184 01:18:57,659 --> 01:19:00,708 I took a 26-year-old guy to my senior prom... 1185 01:19:00,808 --> 01:19:05,356 and left to have sex with him and Gwen Turner in the back of a limo. 1186 01:19:05,480 --> 01:19:10,322 How about in college when I let Shannon Hamilton videotape us having sex, 1187 01:19:10,422 --> 01:19:15,035 only to find out he broadcast it on the campus cable station. 1188 01:19:15,362 --> 01:19:20,061 They're all true. Didn't you know? I am the queen of suburban legend! 1189 01:19:20,161 --> 01:19:22,376 Did you somehow fuckin' fail to mention this to me? 1190 01:19:22,476 --> 01:19:24,906 What the fuck's wrong with you? How could you do all those things? 1191 01:19:25,006 --> 01:19:26,296 Easily! 1192 01:19:26,396 --> 01:19:31,239 Some I did out of stupidity, some I did out of what I thought was love. 1193 01:19:31,339 --> 01:19:34,346 But good or bad, they are my choices, 1194 01:19:34,446 --> 01:19:37,474 and I am not making apologies for them now! 1195 01:19:37,574 --> 01:19:40,915 Not to you, or not to anyone! 1196 01:19:41,015 --> 01:19:45,566 And how dare you lay a guilt trip on me about it, in public, no less? 1197 01:19:45,834 --> 01:19:49,486 Who the fuck do you think you are, you judgmental prick? 1198 01:19:49,586 --> 01:19:51,822 How the fuck am I supposed to feel about all this? 1199 01:19:51,922 --> 01:19:54,074 How are you supposed to feel about it? 1200 01:19:54,174 --> 01:19:57,974 Feel whatever the fuck you want to about it, all right? 1201 01:19:58,074 --> 01:20:02,382 The only thing that matters is how you feel about me. 1202 01:20:04,301 --> 01:20:06,503 - I don't know how I feel about you now. - Why? Why? 1203 01:20:06,603 --> 01:20:09,277 - Because I had some sex? - Some sex? 1204 01:20:09,377 --> 01:20:13,885 Yes, Holden. That's all it was, some sex. 1205 01:20:13,985 --> 01:20:16,284 Most of it stupid high school sex. 1206 01:20:16,384 --> 01:20:18,828 Like you never had sex in high school. 1207 01:20:18,928 --> 01:20:23,186 There is a world of fucking difference between typical high school sex... 1208 01:20:23,286 --> 01:20:27,128 and getting fucked by two fuckin' guys at the same time! 1209 01:20:27,228 --> 01:20:31,507 - They fuckin' used you. - No! I used them! 1210 01:20:31,607 --> 01:20:35,907 You don't think I would have let it happen if I hadn't wanted to, do you? 1211 01:20:36,007 --> 01:20:39,867 I was an experimental girl, for Christ's sake! 1212 01:20:40,078 --> 01:20:44,358 Maybe you knew early on that your track was from point A to B, 1213 01:20:44,458 --> 01:20:48,258 but, unlike you, I was not given a fucking map at birth. 1214 01:20:48,358 --> 01:20:50,530 So I tried it all. 1215 01:20:50,630 --> 01:20:55,786 That is until we... that's you and I... got together. 1216 01:20:55,886 --> 01:20:58,872 And suddenly I was sated. 1217 01:20:58,972 --> 01:21:02,316 Can't you take some fucking comfort in that? 1218 01:21:02,601 --> 01:21:06,588 You turned out to be all I was looking for, 1219 01:21:06,688 --> 01:21:11,018 the missing piece in the big fucking puzzle. 1220 01:21:15,647 --> 01:21:20,227 Look, I'm sorry I let you believe you were the only guy I'd ever been with. 1221 01:21:20,327 --> 01:21:23,355 I should have been more honest. 1222 01:21:23,455 --> 01:21:27,630 But it just didn't... It seemed to make you feel special in a way... 1223 01:21:27,730 --> 01:21:33,624 that me telling you over and over how incredible you are wouldn't get across. 1224 01:21:34,708 --> 01:21:37,117 Holden, I'm sorry. 1225 01:21:37,803 --> 01:21:39,552 Just don't do that. 1226 01:21:43,245 --> 01:21:48,088 Do you mean to tell me that, while you have zero problem... 1227 01:21:48,300 --> 01:21:51,245 with me sleeping with half the women in New York City, 1228 01:21:51,345 --> 01:21:54,748 you have some sort of half-assed, mealy-mouthed objection... 1229 01:21:54,848 --> 01:21:58,544 to pubescent antics that took place almost ten years ago? 1230 01:21:58,644 --> 01:22:01,889 What the fuck is your problem? 1231 01:22:03,390 --> 01:22:05,947 I want us to be something that we can't be. 1232 01:22:06,047 --> 01:22:07,949 And what's that? 1233 01:22:08,049 --> 01:22:10,481 A normal couple. 1234 01:22:12,358 --> 01:22:16,270 So why don't you give your little voice a rest 1235 01:22:16,370 --> 01:22:19,461 - Fuck! - Come on up inside my bed 1236 01:22:19,561 --> 01:22:23,244 And just pretend you need me 1237 01:22:24,995 --> 01:22:29,542 You don't have to lie about what you know 1238 01:22:29,667 --> 01:22:35,256 Even though I've been sufferin' 1239 01:22:36,966 --> 01:22:40,919 And I don't need to be your only one 1240 01:22:41,019 --> 01:22:44,006 I don't need your comforting 1241 01:22:44,106 --> 01:22:48,269 I just need you with me 1242 01:22:49,770 --> 01:22:54,224 Stay, stay, stay with me 1243 01:22:54,324 --> 01:22:57,924 Stay, stay with me 1244 01:23:00,364 --> 01:23:02,253 Stay and don't you ever roll away from me 1245 01:23:02,353 --> 01:23:03,784 The girl? 1246 01:23:06,203 --> 01:23:07,203 Stay 1247 01:23:08,213 --> 01:23:10,613 Stay with me 1248 01:23:12,593 --> 01:23:14,545 Oh, and did she ever 1249 01:23:21,343 --> 01:23:24,805 Well, look at this morose motherfucker right here. 1250 01:23:27,933 --> 01:23:31,408 Smells like someone shit in his cereal. Nooch. 1251 01:23:31,508 --> 01:23:33,879 What took you guys so long? What are you, at the mall again? 1252 01:23:33,981 --> 01:23:38,415 Bitch, don't even start, all right? We stopped that shit years ago. 1253 01:23:38,515 --> 01:23:40,446 Toss the salad. 1254 01:23:46,368 --> 01:23:49,455 Damn, this likeness rights shit is more profitable than sellin' smoke. 1255 01:23:51,040 --> 01:23:53,582 How did a dirt merchant like you ever learn about likeness rights? 1256 01:23:53,682 --> 01:23:57,079 We deal to a lot of lawyers. You know what I'm sayin'? 1257 01:23:57,179 --> 01:24:00,791 Speaking of which... A little signin' bonus and shit? 1258 01:24:00,891 --> 01:24:06,672 No, I'll pass. Did you guys take a look at the issue? 1259 01:24:06,772 --> 01:24:07,772 Yeah. 1260 01:24:09,399 --> 01:24:13,616 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1261 01:24:13,716 --> 01:24:15,806 You need to throw some pussy in that book, man. 1262 01:24:15,906 --> 01:24:18,726 Like, throw some supervillain with big fuckin' tits... 1263 01:24:18,826 --> 01:24:21,666 that shoot milk or somethin', and I'll just, like, suck her dry... 1264 01:24:21,766 --> 01:24:23,918 and bust some moves on her. 1265 01:24:28,327 --> 01:24:31,676 Then she has to fuck me. I mean, fuck us. 1266 01:24:31,882 --> 01:24:34,333 I'll see what I can do. 1267 01:24:35,967 --> 01:24:39,350 - All right, boys. What'll it be? - I'm all set, thanks. 1268 01:24:40,305 --> 01:24:44,460 Yo, Flo. Tell Mel to whip me up a toasted bagel with cream cheese. 1269 01:24:44,652 --> 01:24:49,598 You want one too? Make that two, and kiss my grits. Nooch. 1270 01:24:51,500 --> 01:24:55,141 Did you ever watch that show, Alice? That show was funny as hell, man. 1271 01:24:56,515 --> 01:24:59,708 So why the long face, horse? Banky on the rag? 1272 01:25:00,002 --> 01:25:03,024 I'm just, uh... I'm just havin' a little girl trouble. 1273 01:25:03,124 --> 01:25:06,026 Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot. 1274 01:25:06,232 --> 01:25:09,351 No. I'm just, uh... 1275 01:25:10,811 --> 01:25:13,027 I'm just at a point where I don't really know what to do. 1276 01:25:13,350 --> 01:25:16,808 Kick her to the fuckin' curb. Girls get to be too much trouble. 1277 01:25:16,908 --> 01:25:20,029 There's always the band... of the hand. 1278 01:25:21,572 --> 01:25:24,399 Can't do it, G. I'm in love. 1279 01:25:24,738 --> 01:25:28,529 Nah, there ain't no such thing. You got to boil it down to the essentials. 1280 01:25:28,629 --> 01:25:33,417 It's like Cube says: Life ain't nothin' but bitches and money 1281 01:25:35,085 --> 01:25:38,518 Thanks, guys. That's just what I needed. Advice from the 'hood. 1282 01:25:38,829 --> 01:25:43,260 - So who is this girl? - Oh, I don't think you know her. 1283 01:25:44,511 --> 01:25:47,339 Come on, man. I'm people who know people. 1284 01:25:47,515 --> 01:25:49,341 You sound like Barbra Streisand. 1285 01:25:49,805 --> 01:25:52,181 Maybe 'cause I got this tubby bitch playin' her greatest hits tape... 1286 01:25:52,281 --> 01:25:54,179 in my ear all the time. 1287 01:25:54,279 --> 01:25:58,475 You gotta see it. When she starts singin' "You Don't Bring Me Flowers," 1288 01:25:58,575 --> 01:26:01,687 this faggot starts cryin' like a little girl with a skinned knee and shit. 1289 01:26:01,787 --> 01:26:05,607 Big fuckin' softie. So what's the skirt's name? 1290 01:26:05,835 --> 01:26:08,089 I'm tellin' ya, man. You don't know the girl. 1291 01:26:08,393 --> 01:26:12,456 I ain't playin', man. Come on, tell me her name, Mysterio. 1292 01:26:14,376 --> 01:26:16,126 Alyssa Jones. 1293 01:26:18,379 --> 01:26:21,269 Holy fuckin' shit. Finger Cuffs? 1294 01:26:21,948 --> 01:26:25,310 You're dating Finger Cuffs, you silly son of a bitch? 1295 01:26:26,103 --> 01:26:28,158 Wait a second. I thought she was all gay and shit. 1296 01:26:28,376 --> 01:26:31,237 She was, or she is. I don't know. 1297 01:26:31,337 --> 01:26:34,407 And you're dating her. Man, you're a lucky fuck. 1298 01:26:34,507 --> 01:26:36,409 She ever bring bitches to bed with you? 1299 01:26:36,509 --> 01:26:38,682 Get a little of that Filet-O-Fish sandwich goin' on? 1300 01:26:38,782 --> 01:26:41,268 Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about, baby. Right? 1301 01:26:41,368 --> 01:26:45,230 What's up? Yeah. So four tits and what? 1302 01:26:45,330 --> 01:26:48,984 - No, man. It's not like that. - What's it like, then? 1303 01:26:49,084 --> 01:26:52,946 Right now? I don't know. 1304 01:26:53,046 --> 01:26:55,991 I love her, you know? But, uh, she has a past. 1305 01:26:56,091 --> 01:27:00,424 I'll say. Stuffin' two guys, eatin' chicks out and shit. 1306 01:27:00,569 --> 01:27:02,331 You know, I heard one time she had this dog... 1307 01:27:02,446 --> 01:27:04,881 Eat your fuckin' bagel already and shut up. 1308 01:27:06,056 --> 01:27:09,172 Look at this touchy motherfucker right here. 1309 01:27:10,327 --> 01:27:12,390 So if you're all in love and shit, what's the problem? 1310 01:27:12,741 --> 01:27:15,217 The problem is stupid shit like that. 1311 01:27:15,986 --> 01:27:17,907 It was bad enough when it was just girls, you know? 1312 01:27:18,007 --> 01:27:21,117 You throw guys into the mix... two guys at once, no less... 1313 01:27:21,674 --> 01:27:24,978 All that experience, you know? What am I supposed to think? 1314 01:27:25,182 --> 01:27:29,983 Think "good," ya fuckin' ninny shithead, 'cause now she'll be all true and blue. 1315 01:27:30,083 --> 01:27:34,863 Bitch tasted life. Now she's settlin' for your borin' funny-book-makin' ass. 1316 01:27:34,963 --> 01:27:38,158 Settling for my boring ass. That's comforting. Thanks, Jay. 1317 01:27:38,258 --> 01:27:42,821 - That's what I'm here for. - I'm just havin' a problem with it. 1318 01:27:43,305 --> 01:27:47,050 It's like I can't get these visuals out of my head of her doing all this shit. 1319 01:27:47,601 --> 01:27:51,692 And I don't know why I can't let it go, 'cause I'm crazy about this girl. 1320 01:27:52,064 --> 01:27:56,051 - I look at her, I see kids, grandkids... - You're scarin' me. 1321 01:27:56,151 --> 01:27:58,829 Yeah, well, I'm scarin' myself 'cause I think so much of this girl... 1322 01:27:58,929 --> 01:28:02,028 that I can't get stupid shit like "Finger Cuffs" out of my head. 1323 01:28:03,525 --> 01:28:06,299 I don't know. I don't know what I'm doin'. 1324 01:28:10,783 --> 01:28:12,447 Chasin' Amy. 1325 01:28:14,578 --> 01:28:17,295 What? What did you say? 1326 01:28:19,959 --> 01:28:23,078 - You're chasing Amy. - What do you look so shocked for, man? 1327 01:28:23,178 --> 01:28:27,124 Fat bastard does this all the time. He thinks 'cause he don't say anything... 1328 01:28:27,224 --> 01:28:29,877 it'll have some huge impact when he does open his fuckin' mouth. 1329 01:28:29,977 --> 01:28:31,448 Jesus Christ, why don't you shut up? 1330 01:28:31,675 --> 01:28:35,265 Always yap-yap-yapping all the time. Give me a fuckin' headache. 1331 01:28:36,483 --> 01:28:39,364 I went through somethin' like what you're talkin' about a couple years ago. 1332 01:28:39,464 --> 01:28:41,647 - This chick named Amy. - When? 1333 01:28:43,065 --> 01:28:44,796 A couple of years ago. 1334 01:28:45,367 --> 01:28:47,756 What, she live in Canada or something? Why don't I remember this? 1335 01:28:47,856 --> 01:28:49,584 Bitch, what you don't know about me... 1336 01:28:49,684 --> 01:28:51,666 I could just about squeeze in the Grand-fucking-Canyon. 1337 01:28:51,806 --> 01:28:56,069 Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas? Huh? 1338 01:28:56,169 --> 01:28:58,495 Bet you didn't even know that shit, did you? 1339 01:28:59,965 --> 01:29:02,757 Just tell your fuckin' story so we can get out of here and smoke this. 1340 01:29:04,545 --> 01:29:09,079 So there's me and Amy. And we're inseparable. Just big-time in love. 1341 01:29:09,516 --> 01:29:12,419 Then four months down the road the idiot gear kicks in, 1342 01:29:12,519 --> 01:29:15,944 and I ask about the ex-boyfriend which, as we all know, is a really dumb move. 1343 01:29:16,044 --> 01:29:19,426 But you know how it is: You don't want to know, but you just have to know. 1344 01:29:19,526 --> 01:29:20,797 Stupid guy bullshit. 1345 01:29:21,528 --> 01:29:23,273 So, anyway, she starts tellin' me about him. 1346 01:29:24,072 --> 01:29:28,352 They fell in love, went out for a couple of years, lived together. 1347 01:29:28,452 --> 01:29:31,979 Her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm okay. 1348 01:29:32,268 --> 01:29:35,321 But then she drops the bomb on me, and the bomb is this: 1349 01:29:35,542 --> 01:29:38,333 It seems that a couple of times, while they were goin' out, 1350 01:29:38,900 --> 01:29:41,156 he brought some people to bed with them. 1351 01:29:41,256 --> 01:29:42,913 Menage-a-trois, I believe it's called. 1352 01:29:43,346 --> 01:29:47,162 Now this just blows my mind, right? I'm not used to this sort of thing. 1353 01:29:47,262 --> 01:29:51,062 - I was raised Catholic, for God's sakes. - Saint Shithead. 1354 01:29:51,725 --> 01:29:53,002 Do somethin'. 1355 01:29:53,600 --> 01:29:56,837 So I'm totally weirded out by this, right? And I just start blastin' her. 1356 01:29:56,937 --> 01:29:59,857 I don't know how to deal with what I'm feelin', so I figure the best way is... 1357 01:29:59,957 --> 01:30:02,718 if call her "slut," right, and tell her she was used. 1358 01:30:02,818 --> 01:30:05,867 I'm out for blood. I really want to hurt this girl. 1359 01:30:05,967 --> 01:30:09,808 "What the fuck is your problem?" And she's just calmly trying to tell me, 1360 01:30:09,908 --> 01:30:13,812 "It was that time, that place," and she doesn't think she should apologize... 1361 01:30:13,912 --> 01:30:16,059 because she doesn't feel that she's done anything wrong. 1362 01:30:16,159 --> 01:30:20,869 I'm like, "Oh, really?" I look her in the eye and tell her it's over. I walk. 1363 01:30:22,900 --> 01:30:24,750 Fuckin' A. 1364 01:30:24,927 --> 01:30:27,621 No, idiot. It was a mistake. 1365 01:30:27,721 --> 01:30:30,142 I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. 1366 01:30:30,513 --> 01:30:33,606 You know, at that moment I felt small, like I'd lacked experience, 1367 01:30:33,706 --> 01:30:38,215 like I'd never be on her level, never be enough for her or something like that. 1368 01:30:38,315 --> 01:30:41,718 But what I did not get, she didn't care. 1369 01:30:41,818 --> 01:30:45,904 She wasn't lookin' for that guy anymore, she was lookin' for me, for the Bob. 1370 01:30:46,544 --> 01:30:51,624 But by the time I figured this all out, it's too late, man. She moved on. 1371 01:30:51,949 --> 01:30:55,532 All I had to show for it was foolish pride which then gave way to regret. 1372 01:30:57,159 --> 01:31:00,775 She was the girl. I know that now. 1373 01:31:01,567 --> 01:31:02,767 But... 1374 01:31:05,918 --> 01:31:07,521 I pushed her away. 1375 01:31:14,468 --> 01:31:17,094 So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy. 1376 01:31:20,849 --> 01:31:22,127 So to speak. 1377 01:31:22,901 --> 01:31:27,639 Enough of this fuckin' melodrama. My advice? Forget her, dude. 1378 01:31:27,739 --> 01:31:31,370 There's one bitch in the world, one bitch with many faces. 1379 01:31:32,202 --> 01:31:36,383 Get up, tons of fun. We gotta book. 1380 01:31:36,790 --> 01:31:40,489 - Catchin' a bus to Chi-town. - Why? What's there? 1381 01:31:40,607 --> 01:31:44,323 Business, yo. How many more of those fat envelopes we get comin' to us? 1382 01:31:44,423 --> 01:31:46,761 Uh, I don't know. 1383 01:31:47,322 --> 01:31:49,443 I don't know how much longer the book's gonna be around. 1384 01:31:50,165 --> 01:31:53,920 Yeah, good. I'll be glad as shit when it's gone. 1385 01:31:54,085 --> 01:31:57,169 There's a million people who'd love to see themself in a comic book. 1386 01:31:57,269 --> 01:31:59,963 But that ain't like us at all, all slapsticky and shit, 1387 01:32:00,063 --> 01:32:01,700 runnin' around like a couple of dickheads. 1388 01:32:01,800 --> 01:32:04,676 Sayin'... What's that shit he got us sayin'? 1389 01:32:04,776 --> 01:32:08,076 Oh, um... "snootchie-bootchies." 1390 01:32:08,176 --> 01:32:13,569 "Snootchie-bootchies." Who the fuck talks like that? That is baby talk. 1391 01:32:15,520 --> 01:32:18,482 It's a big world, G. We're bound to run into you again. 1392 01:32:18,582 --> 01:32:22,423 - Till then, keep your unit on ya. - I'll try. 1393 01:32:22,720 --> 01:32:25,948 No, no, no, no, no. Do or do not. There is no try... 1394 01:32:26,048 --> 01:32:30,327 Knock that shit off! We got a bus to catch. 1395 01:32:30,427 --> 01:32:34,373 Jedi bitch. Man, what do you always have to tell that fuckin' gay story for? 1396 01:32:34,473 --> 01:32:36,342 - Man, shut up. - You shut up, you fat fuck. 1397 01:33:25,641 --> 01:33:26,641 Okay. 1398 01:33:27,274 --> 01:33:31,937 You guys are probably wondering why I asked you here at the same time... 1399 01:33:32,322 --> 01:33:36,018 knowing that we have shit to settle between us separately. 1400 01:33:36,118 --> 01:33:39,354 I just figured you wanted to kill two birds with one stone. 1401 01:33:39,901 --> 01:33:42,274 You know, by telling her to fuck off with me here... 1402 01:33:42,374 --> 01:33:44,797 so you wouldn't have to go through the story again later on. 1403 01:33:44,897 --> 01:33:48,280 - Fuck you. - Not even if you let me videotape it. 1404 01:33:48,380 --> 01:33:50,670 Okay, enough. All right? 1405 01:33:52,751 --> 01:33:53,888 Enough. 1406 01:33:55,888 --> 01:33:59,813 Now, I've been going over and over and over this whole thing, 1407 01:33:59,913 --> 01:34:02,058 and I've dissected it a thousand different ways. 1408 01:34:03,069 --> 01:34:06,298 Banky, there's tension between you and I for the first time in our lives. 1409 01:34:06,398 --> 01:34:11,136 You hate me dating Alyssa and you want me to sign off on this cartoon thing. 1410 01:34:11,796 --> 01:34:13,368 How perceptive. 1411 01:34:13,468 --> 01:34:14,868 Alyssa, 1412 01:34:17,944 --> 01:34:19,615 you and I have hit a wall... 1413 01:34:19,912 --> 01:34:24,337 'cause I don't know how to deal with your, uh, your past, I guess. 1414 01:34:24,731 --> 01:34:26,339 That's a nice way of putting it. 1415 01:34:26,439 --> 01:34:28,412 I'd have said "the whole double stuff" thing. 1416 01:34:35,002 --> 01:34:38,163 I'm only gonna tell you this once: Shut up. 1417 01:34:40,782 --> 01:34:41,782 Now, 1418 01:34:42,413 --> 01:34:46,373 I know I'm to blame one way or another on both accounts. 1419 01:34:47,147 --> 01:34:51,093 Alyssa, with you because... I feel inadequate, 1420 01:34:51,820 --> 01:34:54,894 because you've had such a big life and so much experience, 1421 01:34:55,245 --> 01:34:57,224 and my life's been pretty small in comparison. 1422 01:34:57,514 --> 01:35:00,444 - That doesn't matter to me. - Please. 1423 01:35:00,577 --> 01:35:02,858 I have to get through this, okay? 1424 01:35:04,591 --> 01:35:09,418 Banky, I know why you're having such a hard time with me and Alyssa. 1425 01:35:09,686 --> 01:35:12,018 It's something that's been obvious forever and I guess... 1426 01:35:12,698 --> 01:35:14,959 I guess I just didn't acknowledge it. 1427 01:35:17,237 --> 01:35:18,462 You're in love with me. 1428 01:35:21,590 --> 01:35:22,590 What? 1429 01:35:23,076 --> 01:35:26,728 You're attracted to me. Just as, in a way, I guess I'm... attracted to you. 1430 01:35:26,913 --> 01:35:30,343 It makes sense. We've been together so long, we have so much in common. 1431 01:35:30,443 --> 01:35:32,422 Well, I gotta get goin'. 1432 01:35:32,649 --> 01:35:35,938 I gotta catch the last few minutes of Little House. 1433 01:35:45,110 --> 01:35:47,157 It's somethin' you're gonna have to deal with, Bank. 1434 01:35:48,659 --> 01:35:50,861 And that would explain your jealousy of Alyssa, 1435 01:35:50,961 --> 01:35:53,614 your homophobia, your sense of humor... 1436 01:35:53,714 --> 01:35:56,450 Jesus, just 'cause a guy's got a predilection toward dick jokes... 1437 01:35:56,550 --> 01:35:58,561 Bank. Stop. 1438 01:35:59,303 --> 01:36:02,339 Deal with it. You'll feel much better. 1439 01:36:05,514 --> 01:36:06,514 Okay. 1440 01:36:11,974 --> 01:36:15,865 Now, you guys are probably asking yourselves the same question... 1441 01:36:15,965 --> 01:36:19,440 that I've been going over and over in my head the past few weeks: 1442 01:36:19,990 --> 01:36:21,892 What does one have to do with the other? 1443 01:36:21,992 --> 01:36:23,185 Don't. 1444 01:36:23,793 --> 01:36:26,536 And when I did some serious soul-searching, 1445 01:36:26,935 --> 01:36:29,074 it came to me from outta nowhere. 1446 01:36:29,270 --> 01:36:32,911 And it all made sense. And a calm came over me. 1447 01:36:34,442 --> 01:36:36,708 I know what we have to do. 1448 01:36:37,591 --> 01:36:41,824 And then you, Banky, you, Alyssa, and I... 1449 01:36:41,929 --> 01:36:46,611 all of us... can finally be... all right. 1450 01:36:47,085 --> 01:36:49,024 Please don't say it. 1451 01:36:52,098 --> 01:36:54,285 We've all gotta have sex together. 1452 01:37:04,374 --> 01:37:05,915 I mean, look, don't you see? 1453 01:37:07,324 --> 01:37:09,387 That would take care of everything. 1454 01:37:09,811 --> 01:37:12,818 Alyssa, with you, I won't feel too inadequate or conservative anymore, 1455 01:37:12,918 --> 01:37:16,009 because I'll have done something on a par with all your experience. 1456 01:37:16,171 --> 01:37:20,033 And it will be with you, which will make it that much more powerful. 1457 01:37:20,968 --> 01:37:22,870 Banky, you can take that leap... 1458 01:37:22,970 --> 01:37:25,211 that everyone else but you sees you should take. 1459 01:37:25,368 --> 01:37:28,285 And it'll be with me, your best friend for years. 1460 01:37:28,809 --> 01:37:30,752 We've been everything to each other but intimates, 1461 01:37:30,852 --> 01:37:32,989 and now we'll have been through that together too. 1462 01:37:33,501 --> 01:37:36,240 And it won't be a total leap for you because a woman will be involved. 1463 01:37:36,340 --> 01:37:40,408 And when it's over, all that hostility you feel toward Alyssa will be gone... 1464 01:37:40,508 --> 01:37:43,308 because you'll have shared in something beautiful with the woman I love. 1465 01:37:44,789 --> 01:37:46,481 It'll be cathartic. 1466 01:37:47,142 --> 01:37:49,071 This will keep us together. 1467 01:37:58,706 --> 01:37:59,829 What do ya say? 1468 01:38:15,639 --> 01:38:16,639 Sure. 1469 01:38:33,788 --> 01:38:35,769 You know I need this. 1470 01:38:36,522 --> 01:38:37,976 You know it'll help. 1471 01:38:40,514 --> 01:38:41,514 No. 1472 01:38:41,793 --> 01:38:43,751 Thank Christ. 1473 01:38:47,033 --> 01:38:48,085 Sorry. 1474 01:38:54,553 --> 01:38:58,277 No? I thought you'd be into this. 1475 01:38:58,607 --> 01:39:02,877 You did? What does that say about me? 1476 01:39:03,909 --> 01:39:06,140 Sweetheart, you've done stuff like this before. 1477 01:39:06,240 --> 01:39:07,829 This should be no big deal for you. 1478 01:39:08,489 --> 01:39:12,584 You don't want this. You really don't want this. 1479 01:39:13,007 --> 01:39:18,360 No, I do want this. This has to happen. Can't you see that? 1480 01:39:18,460 --> 01:39:23,031 I mean, how can you not? No? What does that say about me? 1481 01:39:23,131 --> 01:39:25,582 You can take it from two guys whose names you can hardly remember, 1482 01:39:25,682 --> 01:39:29,705 but I ask you to share an experience about intimacy, and you say no? 1483 01:39:29,805 --> 01:39:34,272 - I can't. - Baby, yes, you can. 1484 01:39:34,372 --> 01:39:38,589 I'll be there. And when it's over we'll be the strongest we've ever been... 1485 01:39:38,689 --> 01:39:40,591 'cause we'll have been through this together. 1486 01:39:40,691 --> 01:39:44,428 Then we'll be on the same level and there'll be nothing we can't accomplish. 1487 01:39:46,285 --> 01:39:47,873 Oh, Holden. 1488 01:39:49,751 --> 01:39:52,082 That time is over for me. 1489 01:39:52,452 --> 01:39:54,354 I've been there and I've done it... 1490 01:39:54,454 --> 01:39:56,972 and I didn't find what I was looking for in any of it. 1491 01:39:57,880 --> 01:40:01,903 I found that it you. In us. 1492 01:40:02,687 --> 01:40:06,276 Doing this won't help you forget about the things you're hung up on. 1493 01:40:06,544 --> 01:40:10,537 - It'll create more. - No. I've thought about all that. 1494 01:40:10,637 --> 01:40:12,631 Yes, it will! 1495 01:40:17,128 --> 01:40:20,182 Maybe you'll see me differently from then on. 1496 01:40:20,731 --> 01:40:25,360 Maybe you'll despise me for going along with it once you're in the moment. 1497 01:40:25,855 --> 01:40:27,888 Maybe I'll moan differently, 1498 01:40:27,988 --> 01:40:31,871 and then you'll resent Banky and become suspicious of us. 1499 01:40:31,971 --> 01:40:34,937 Or you'll alienate him because of it. 1500 01:40:35,037 --> 01:40:39,925 You'll grow to blame and hate me for the deterioration of your friendship. 1501 01:40:40,772 --> 01:40:43,987 Or what if... and God, I sincerely doubt it... 1502 01:40:44,087 --> 01:40:48,467 but what if I saw something in Banky that I've never seen before, 1503 01:40:49,003 --> 01:40:52,421 you know, and I fell in love with him and left you? 1504 01:40:53,505 --> 01:40:57,070 I've been down roads like this before. 1505 01:40:57,726 --> 01:40:59,637 Many times. 1506 01:41:02,681 --> 01:41:07,014 I know you feel doing this will broaden your horizons... 1507 01:41:07,319 --> 01:41:09,386 and give you experience. 1508 01:41:10,697 --> 01:41:14,523 But I've had those experiences, on my own. 1509 01:41:15,619 --> 01:41:18,381 And I can't accompany you on yours. 1510 01:41:19,248 --> 01:41:21,022 I'm past that now. 1511 01:41:27,456 --> 01:41:30,554 Or maybe I just love you too much. 1512 01:41:31,093 --> 01:41:35,980 And I feel hurt and let down that you would want to share me with anyone. 1513 01:41:37,259 --> 01:41:40,642 Because I would never want to share you. 1514 01:41:52,835 --> 01:41:54,630 Regardless, 1515 01:41:55,993 --> 01:41:58,343 I can't be a part of this. 1516 01:41:59,891 --> 01:42:03,254 Or you. Not anymore. 1517 01:42:07,091 --> 01:42:08,700 I love you. 1518 01:42:09,694 --> 01:42:11,093 I always will. 1519 01:42:12,558 --> 01:42:14,238 Know that. 1520 01:42:22,131 --> 01:42:24,400 But I'm not your fucking whore. 1521 01:42:30,218 --> 01:42:31,854 He's yours again. 1522 01:43:30,378 --> 01:43:32,385 A blast from the past. 1523 01:43:32,485 --> 01:43:35,221 Do you know how much it's going for these days? $110. 1524 01:43:35,321 --> 01:43:37,286 You sign it, it'll push that up even higher. 1525 01:43:37,386 --> 01:43:39,476 You sell it I want a kickback. 1526 01:43:40,343 --> 01:43:41,603 I don't know if it's true, 1527 01:43:41,703 --> 01:43:43,889 but I heard once there was going to be an animated series? 1528 01:43:43,989 --> 01:43:46,128 - There was going to be. - What happened? 1529 01:43:46,228 --> 01:43:49,214 You're lookin' at it. No Chronic, no cartoon. 1530 01:43:49,314 --> 01:43:52,634 - That would have been awesome! - Tell me about it. 1531 01:43:52,734 --> 01:43:55,471 So is that what happened with you and Holden McNeil? 1532 01:43:55,571 --> 01:43:57,858 You got into a fight over the rights or something? 1533 01:43:58,003 --> 01:44:01,819 - It was more complicated than that. - Whatever happened to that guy? 1534 01:44:02,150 --> 01:44:04,313 I don't know. Quit the biz, I guess. 1535 01:44:04,413 --> 01:44:06,688 So, you guys don't talk anymore? 1536 01:44:07,307 --> 01:44:09,783 No. Not really. 1537 01:44:10,773 --> 01:44:14,823 Yeah. That happened to me once. Me and this guy started a comic club. 1538 01:44:14,923 --> 01:44:19,912 And we got into a fight over who looked better in bare legs, Electra or Robin. 1539 01:44:20,012 --> 01:44:25,751 Anyway, I disbanded the club and struck out on my own, kinda like Nomad. 1540 01:44:25,851 --> 01:44:29,463 I'm rambling on now. What I meant to say is... 1541 01:44:29,563 --> 01:44:32,147 that you probably shouldn't have killed off Chronic. 1542 01:44:32,993 --> 01:44:36,720 Guess not. Some doors just shouldn't be opened. 1543 01:44:36,820 --> 01:44:39,473 Oh, like the door to death in Baby Dave's Winter Special, 1544 01:44:39,573 --> 01:44:41,496 which you did on your own. 1545 01:44:41,596 --> 01:44:45,792 See? You don't need that McNeil guy, anyway. You do great work on your own. 1546 01:44:45,892 --> 01:44:49,963 Look at your line work. Look at all the detail in this douche bag on page 18. 1547 01:44:50,063 --> 01:44:51,798 Look at how you draw a fart. 1548 01:44:51,898 --> 01:44:55,197 And tell me you're not better off without Holden McNeil. 1549 01:44:55,297 --> 01:44:57,866 I mean, you were just carrying that guy like a brown-bag lunch, 1550 01:44:57,966 --> 01:44:59,545 you know what I'm saying? 1551 01:44:59,751 --> 01:45:03,238 - You're so right. - Yeah, well, the true fans always are. 1552 01:45:03,805 --> 01:45:08,802 Well, keep up the good work, man. Love those dick jokes. Love 'em. 1553 01:45:11,222 --> 01:45:12,538 See ya. 1554 01:45:16,111 --> 01:45:17,111 Yeah. 1555 01:45:19,813 --> 01:45:20,813 Bye. 1556 01:45:33,494 --> 01:45:35,463 Okay. Who's next? 1557 01:45:37,456 --> 01:45:38,456 Hi. 1558 01:45:45,589 --> 01:45:47,388 Thanks for readin' it. 1559 01:45:48,600 --> 01:45:51,545 I can't believe this place. These people are so weird. 1560 01:45:51,645 --> 01:45:53,568 You wanted to come. 1561 01:45:53,668 --> 01:45:55,958 God, I can't believe you call these people contemporaries. 1562 01:45:56,058 --> 01:45:58,594 Look at this guy over here with the pointy ears? What's that? 1563 01:45:58,694 --> 01:46:00,596 - He's a Vulcan. - A what? 1564 01:46:00,696 --> 01:46:03,036 A Vulcan. Jesus, potzer. 1565 01:46:03,136 --> 01:46:05,601 Why don't you take a walk and get us something to drink? 1566 01:46:05,701 --> 01:46:07,111 Okay, I will. 1567 01:46:26,005 --> 01:46:27,998 Um, this isn't one of mine. 1568 01:46:28,443 --> 01:46:29,619 It's mine. 1569 01:46:31,677 --> 01:46:33,333 I saved you a copy. 1570 01:46:37,335 --> 01:46:38,335 Hi. 1571 01:46:39,522 --> 01:46:40,522 Hi. 1572 01:46:42,411 --> 01:46:43,875 How've you been? 1573 01:46:44,783 --> 01:46:48,187 Uh, good. Really good. Yourself? 1574 01:46:48,538 --> 01:46:49,538 Good. 1575 01:46:56,702 --> 01:47:00,071 The new issue's selling like crazy, for some reason. 1576 01:47:00,710 --> 01:47:04,076 Yeah, well, it's because it's really good. I liked it a lot. 1577 01:47:04,548 --> 01:47:06,086 Thank you. 1578 01:47:08,714 --> 01:47:11,375 I haven't even seen this yet. Did it just come out? 1579 01:47:11,644 --> 01:47:14,983 Uh, oh, about a month ago. I did a really small run. 1580 01:47:15,083 --> 01:47:17,421 Self-financed, only about 500 issues. 1581 01:47:17,731 --> 01:47:19,892 Will I enjoy it? 1582 01:47:21,101 --> 01:47:23,837 You might. It's familiar subject matter. 1583 01:47:41,121 --> 01:47:43,829 Looks like a very personal story. 1584 01:47:49,626 --> 01:47:52,174 I finally had something personal to say. 1585 01:47:57,179 --> 01:48:00,695 Well, I'm gonna go. I don't wanna hold up your line here. 1586 01:48:01,014 --> 01:48:02,014 Yeah. 1587 01:48:03,077 --> 01:48:07,884 I mean, it can get ugly. I just saw this nun call a small child a cunt-rag. 1588 01:48:16,199 --> 01:48:19,025 You know, read that, if you have a minute. 1589 01:48:19,541 --> 01:48:20,614 I will. 1590 01:48:24,456 --> 01:48:28,103 If you get the chance, call me. I'd like to hear your thoughts, or... whatever. 1591 01:48:29,939 --> 01:48:30,939 Okay. 1592 01:48:33,799 --> 01:48:34,799 Okay. 1593 01:48:38,053 --> 01:48:39,965 It was really nice seeing you again. 1594 01:48:41,183 --> 01:48:43,475 It was really nice to see you too. 1595 01:48:57,151 --> 01:49:00,246 - Who was that? - Huh? 1596 01:49:00,555 --> 01:49:02,244 Who was that? 1597 01:49:12,171 --> 01:49:15,822 Oh, just some guy I knew. 1598 01:49:29,563 --> 01:49:33,069 Next. So, what do you want to do tonight? 1599 01:49:34,600 --> 01:49:40,056 I was tappin' my foot on a Friday night 1600 01:49:40,156 --> 01:49:45,102 To my favorite band I was pushed aside 1601 01:49:45,202 --> 01:49:50,107 I said hey, don't push me No, no, no one pushes me 1602 01:49:50,207 --> 01:49:55,112 When I was face to face with a woman I admired 1603 01:49:55,212 --> 01:49:57,623 And she gave me this look 1604 01:49:57,748 --> 01:50:00,076 I could not believe 1605 01:50:00,176 --> 01:50:05,298 And the cold stare remained I wanted to leave 1606 01:50:07,717 --> 01:50:12,963 Yeah, I do believe anger is offset by sorrow 1607 01:50:13,063 --> 01:50:17,843 But you destroy today you might regret tomorrow 1608 01:50:17,943 --> 01:50:20,534 When you're young and defensive 1609 01:50:20,634 --> 01:50:22,932 It comes off offensive 1610 01:50:23,032 --> 01:50:27,916 And it's hard to repay the tolerance that you borrowed 1611 01:50:28,016 --> 01:50:33,150 The lasting relationship sinks right off the pier 1612 01:50:33,250 --> 01:50:37,830 Who wears the pants It's faded but clear 1613 01:50:40,333 --> 01:50:44,766 She's your girlfriend and she ain't too fond of me 1614 01:50:44,866 --> 01:50:50,543 I guess if that's the way it was meant to be 1615 01:50:50,643 --> 01:50:55,506 There we were just we three 1616 01:50:55,606 --> 01:50:59,268 You, your girlfriend and me 1617 01:51:22,333 --> 01:51:27,267 I've known you forever You two just met 1618 01:51:27,367 --> 01:51:31,917 So easily amused how fast we forget 1619 01:51:32,017 --> 01:51:37,110 Ain't my jealousy my self-righteous greed 1620 01:51:37,210 --> 01:51:41,948 She's a bit like a book I'm too farsighted to read 1621 01:51:42,048 --> 01:51:47,016 And I wish you the best but sometimes feel the need 1622 01:51:47,116 --> 01:51:50,716 To say Remember me 1623 01:51:53,823 --> 01:51:59,195 Yeah, she's your girlfriend as far as we can see 1624 01:51:59,295 --> 01:52:04,179 Does she look at you the way she looks at me 1625 01:52:04,279 --> 01:52:09,330 And here we are just we three 1626 01:52:09,430 --> 01:52:13,926 You, your girlfriend and me 1627 01:52:16,220 --> 01:52:21,050 She's your girlfriend it's gettin' harder to see 1628 01:52:21,150 --> 01:52:25,930 Better just take her home Better just let her be 1629 01:52:26,030 --> 01:52:31,235 When she walks out that door you come looking for me 1630 01:52:45,333 --> 01:52:47,856 Man, what do you always have to tell that fuckin' gay story for? 1631 01:52:47,956 --> 01:52:50,546 - Man, shut up. - You shut up, you fat fuck. 1632 01:52:51,305 --> 01:52:57,460 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 138416

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