All language subtitles for Fantasmi a Roma Antonio Pietrangeli, (1961) ENG

It is said that the hours of the
sleep is time stolen from life.

I agree but: what
can we do about it?

How does one stay
awake 'til the morning?

Another broken brick,
38 by now.

What to do? If I want to
hide all these broken bricks,

I have to move all the furniture.

This one is so bad, look, look...

I can stumble here,
it's the size of a step.

I'll put this... but
another one is there.

What do I do?

Pascualino, your time arrived.
It has no remedy.

Have patience, I've got too much.
Let's do it this way...

Come, here.

Stay here, it's a more decent place.

Did you mind that I moved you?

It didn't speak when alive,
let alone mummufied.

Good night, Pascualino.

Parrots are like kids, they make
noise with the mouth...

And enthusiastic parents:
Come on! Run!

He spoke! He said this!
He said that!

What to say? Nothing.

Regarding the seller.
The seller, the seller!...

He said: don An�bal, buy it!
It will be a great companion.

In the morning says: good morning.

At night greets you,
sings songs, recites poems.

Holy God! In ten years
he said only brrrr!

Yes, he said it good but
it was only brrrr!

Sometimes it seemed like
he was a mocking at me.

Who know if this was true.

Mysteries of nature.

One day the science
will unfold everything.

The cat has got 7 souls,
the parrot much more...

Let's see where I left.

Even the key hardly works.

Blood on the pillow.

I've already read it. Better
this way, I'll get asleep earlier.

Mick Hammer...

Interrupting the passionate
kiss that almost...

took the breath away to the
blonde with the turban...

He slapped her and asked:
What does Bobo do in Malib�?

This is no way to behave.

First he kisses the woman,
then slaps her and then

says to her: What does
Bobo do in Malib�?

A guy named Bobo,
and also in Malibu.

Every night happens this.

Then you complain about the electric bill.

Hi, Father Bartolomeo.

Hi Flora.

Stop it!

What are you doing? Going out?

Ah, no! Not tonight..
Don't be crazy.

Bye!

Say it again.

I always say it, you know
that I love you.. Look.

No, stop it. People
are looking at us.

There's nobody.

What do I tell to my mom?

She doesn't believe me
even when I tell the truth.

Yes, you love me, but
you never talk about marriage.

Why not! We'll talk,
but not now...

We've got a lot of time for it!

They're all the same: today, yesterday,
same as a hundred years ago.

Father Bartolemo is right.
Flora is crazy.

Beautiful stranger!

Paolo, will you give me a hand?

Take care of it.

Ah, yes! - The women are still
beautiful like in my times...

but the men... What a trash!

I'll help you, my dear.

What are you thinking of, Paolo?
What are you doing?

I know what to do now.

Shall we go to bed?

Yes, to bed...

I've told you a hundred times
not to touch the TV, god damn it.

Paolo!

Poldino, still around?
Do you know what time is it?

- You always wreck everything.
- Who? Me?

No, me... look.

Let's go home now.

Tell me, did you learn the lesson?

Yes.

I'll question you later.

- The capital of Afganistan?
- Kab�l.

- The capital of Madagascar?
- Tanararibe.

And Vietnam?

It didn't exist in my times,
but anyway, it's Saigon.

Well done sailor, if you were an admiral
you would be already retired.

What a boredom would be!

Father Bartolomeo already asleep...

Now it's your turn to sleep.

Your prayer.

Hi.

Hi and bless you!

Love is like history. A few heroes
and a million of cowards.

Where did you read it?
At a chocolate box?

No.

Good morning, Carletta.

Good morning, don Antonio.

Don An�bal, it's seven o'clock.

It's seven!

Seven.

I've been waking up at 7 for 65 years,
without being late a single minute.

Certain people set the clock...

and also people call them 3
or 4 times before they wake up.

Me not! At 7 o'clock, whenever...

summer, winter, sun,
rain, snow, storm...

Tac, I open my eyes!
It's a sign of good health.

Tonight I slept so bad because
of that damned whistle.

What demons make you whistle
the whole night non-stop?

- Can I?
- Enter.

I don't get it, at your age with
whistles. What are these manners!

- Who whistled?
- You!

I know why you do it: to
keep people awake.

You're a malicious race.
I know you!

Ah, dear Carletta!

Good morning, don An�bal.

Nobody makes the coffee like you do.

When I die, bring me some coffee
and I'll resurrect like Lazarus.

Yes, after 100 years.

Did your fiance write to you?

No, not yesterday.

Ah, what a pity!

Didn't they nominate him general?

No, don't be kidding.

But, in the last letter he wrote
that he'll be nominated corporal.

Wow!

In the end, all generals
are senile corporals.

If they hear what he says,
they'll arrest him.

Thanks dear, you can go.

Don't forget to inform Mr. Micuso
for that crappy water boiler.

Of course prince.

What a nice girl!

I'm happy for Gino,
he's also a nice guy.

I feel as if we baptised
him yesterday. Time flies!

I know that!

Three shots to the husband.

Stabs his wife five times.

The only sun blasts his mother.

And they call my age the
century of the poisons.

What poisons? They were water and
sugar compared to nowadays.

In fact, I like this guy.

No, a slip of toungue.
It won't happen again.

When I entered don An�bal was
thinking in a loud voice.

He talks to the walls.

Who else can he talk to?
He's always alone.

You say so.

Damn it, you have
hands of butter.

No, it didn't break at all.

It fell on your foot.
You know...

when things fall down in a
certain way, they don't break.

If you say so...

Another one.
Now just 2 left.

Good morning, doorkeeper.
Mr. Augusto sent us.

Yes, I was just coming to you.
The prince asked about you.

Who's she?

All are in a hurry here while we
have to repair that water boiler.

Come on, let's go.

Just think about working.

They are paid for this and still complain.
It's normal nowadays!

Good mornig Mr. Antonio.

Hi Marisa.

The bus was late again today

and I had to wait more
than half an hour.

Yes, the bus!

Beautiful, beautiful! Divine!

Can I, prince?

We haven't started yet
and I feel so tired.

Same for me. What did you
put inside the box?

What did I put?!
The same stuff!

It weights a ton..

Hold it yourself,
I can't hold it anymore.

Ok. He even left the
key in the keyhole.

Knock again.

Can we come in? Prince!

Someone has already
read this newspaper.

I can tell from the flexure.

You know that I want to be the first to
read the newspaper in the morning.

Cause it's mine.

Can we?

I buy it,
with own my money.

Can we?

Fine, let's pretend nothing happened.

- Did you hear him?
- Who's he talking to?

- No one.
- He's mad then!

No, he believes there are ghosts
around and talks to them once in a while.

That's what I said: he's mad.

Good morning Mr. Prince.

Oh, finally!

It's time. Finally Mr. Augusto
decided to send you.

It's been two days without
having a bathing. I'm so filthy.

Tell me something, how come
that water boiler...

crashes so often?

It wasn't me.
I know who does it!

Here we go, always blaming us.

Your place was not on that
plumber's box... Marilyn!

You like it?
Beautiful, isn't she?

Now that she's divorced,
who knows?

Here.

It doesn't work, it's broken.

God knows what's wrong with it.
The flame burns but it's pale.

It draws back and
turns off immediately.

Let us have a look at it.

Give me the screwdriver.

Hey, you lost Marilyn!

Stop joking and take it out.

Maybe it fell down.

I guess the ghosts
are breaking it for fun.

There's no other explanation.

Mr. Prince, he doesn't believe it.
He thinks I'm a retard.

Tell him, please!
Is it true that ghosts exist?

These two are joking with me.

Of course they exist. There are
more than a million only in Rome.

And were are they?

Everywhere, especially in
old houses like this one.

In the attics, in the closets,
I don't know.

Have you ever heard a closet creak?

People say: There's a woodworm inside.
Yeah, a woodworm!

There is a ghost in the closet!

I'll tell you this. The phone rings:

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Nobody answers. And you guess:
Someone called my wife,

heard my voice and then hanged down.

Come on! It was a ghost playing
around with phone numbers.

Wow! I didn't know it.

Tell me, do these ghosts make
themselves visible sometimes?

No. You can see them
only when you're dead...

or when your life is
in great danger.

Ah! That's why my aunt passing
near the tramway

saw an antic warrior pulling
her from the hair and saving her.

You see? I have never seen
the ghosts of my house...

but I know them pretty well.

They're from Roviano family,
all died in violent deaths...

Because if one dies in peace,
in his home, in his bed...

he can become
everything but a ghost.

Really? Do you know them?
How are they alike?

First of all, there must be the Father.

Father Bartolomeo, the oldest
ghost. He died in 1650.

'53!

Maybe it's him that messes
up with the water boiler.

Tell me, mister.
What did that Father die of?

Of meatballs. Cause at night, in the
cloister, when everyone was asleep...

he went to the storeroom, to see
if there was anything to eat.

One night he found meatballs,
but they were poisoned.

The guardian had poured
it to kill the mice.

Thinking of that, I was the one
who suggested that the mice

were emptying the storeroom.

Then there's the knight Reginaldo.
A handsome young man.

He's here since the end of XVII century.

He was terrific with the women.
He never failed.

- Who was it? Rodolfo Valentino?

He also got along with
the doorkeeper's wife...

the great-grandmother of Antonio.

Even with those of the family.

What times!

Every night, here and there...

While the husbands where asleep...

he entered from the balconies, and
hanged out with their wives.

And he was shot by a husband
that was awake then!?

No! He fell down from a balcony
of a baker. When escaping,

the rope broke up and
he fell 10 meters down.

But was worth it.

Shame on you, sinner!

How's that? The meatballs yes,
while the bakeries no?

That shoe in the hall is his.
He lost it during the fall.

And there's more,
there's dona Flora.

Why? Are there any female ghosts?

And what a female! They say
she was blonde and beautiful.

Are they talking about me?

And they say she was a bit stupid.

Yes, they're talking about you.

She killed herself for love.

She fell in love with a lackey, but her father
didn't even want to hear his name.

He's name was Rutilio.

Your father was right,
look what a name, Rutilio...

One day, the father talked
to the boy,

gave him money and sent him abroad.

The poor girl threw herself in the river,
and not in august, but in february.

And from that day,
every night at 8 o'clock,

Dona Flora goes to
the Cestio bridge...

and throws herself into the river.

Inteligencia is important.

So, let's go to the river and
wait on bridge Cestio

until she throws herself and then
we save the ancestor of don An�bal.

You think you're making a fool
of me, but you are the fools..

you who don't believe that
ghosts exist.

Sometimes even I don't believe it.

When I eat peppers at night,
I have some kind of flutter...

It happens a lot with peppers.

I hardly digest it, but I like it.

Hey guys, stop talking,
get into work.

Meanwhile, we don't have
too much time today.

We'll be back tomorrow. We've got
another job today afternoon.

Can't you finish it right now?

We don't have the right tools.

We must also change the pipes.

Is it broken?

No, it's worn-out. Look, it's
11 now and time goes fast until

it's 11:30. At 12 we have to go.

It's not worth. Be back tomorrow.

Right, between a thing and another
the will to work fades away.

Don An�bal, stay calm, tomorrow
we'll come early and fix everything.

Maybe the Father's ghost help
him to fix it. What do you think?

Yeah, right.

What..? Are you crazy?

Don't blame me!
I didn't do it.

Lazybones!

Do you believe now
that ghosts exist?

Dry up, you deserved it.

What a cold bath!

How did it open up?
I can't explain.

Go away, you couple of idlers.

Father Bartolomeo, Father Bartolomeo!

Listen...

You must tell me...

Poldino, don't you greet your brother?

Ah, yes! Hi An�bal!

What's the maximal common
denominator of 5/12, 3/24 and 2/6?

5/12, 3/24, and 2/6... it's 24.

Are you sure?

Don An�bal, we'll be back tomorrow.

No, never! Out you reckless ones!

Go, go...

The handkerchief..

Where the hell did I put it?

There!

Ah!

Salustiana.

Yes madam.

You're always the first to finish.
What's up this time?

I'm thinking.

Listen, the exercise is very easy.

Who resolves it quickly will
pass even the exam.

The maximal common denominator is 24...

So, write down 10/24, 3/24, 8/24.

Be careful not to mistake the
maximal common denominator...

with the minimal common multiple.

Tiziana, see?
She's already done.

How does she get good
grades without studying?!

Careful.

Salustiana, are you done?

I think so, miss.

You think so? You are done!

Well done, in less than 5 minutes.

- Tell me something.
- I've no idea.

Silence!

If you all followed the
classes like Salustiana...

we would be 3 months
ahead with the programme.

Good afternoon, dear Adelaida.
How are you?

Don Anibal, how should I be?
I'm poor old woman.

Only the ugly ones get old.

All the grandmothers
wish to be like you.

Your granddaughter is nice, too.

- She has your eyes.
- Thanks, don An�bal.

Bye.

- Father Bartolomeo, 24 was correct.
- Fine.

Augusto!

Another stop. Feels like
a v�a crucis.

Master, it's Mr. Prince.

Augusto!

Let's go now,
talk to him later.

No, right now, I get amused
when he talks to him.

Calm down!
What do you want?

How come you can't do
your own job?

Well, you never had a job.
Why, what's up?

What's up?! I told you
to send me two workers...

but you sent me two lazybones.

You have to fix my water
boiler in person.

No, you're wrong. I came a month
ago and told you to throw it away.

Something that breaks down in a month
means that it wasn't well-repaired.

No, it means that you
should throw it away.

To make a new installment so
that you earn more money.

Hey, Prince, let's talk frankly.
I'm fed-up with this.

I have already fixed it seven times,

it's over now! I won't
come another time.

I don't give a damn!

It's me that forbids you to come.

I'll fix the water boiler by myself...

cause I'm a hundred times
better as a plumber, than you

who are old and
also getting dumber.

I'm getting dumber,
but you've always been...

maybe 'cause I hit you so
much when we were kids.

Did you forget how many
times you went home

with swollen eyes that
looked like melons?!

You picked too much!

You picked too much!

And Poldino was walloping
the two of you.

So, that's it!

So it's clear, you won't enter
in my house again.

I don't want to.

I'll repair it by myself.

Better throw it away.

I'll repair it.

Throw it!

I'll repair myself!

Throw it!

Ah at least!

Excuse me miss, can I tell you
something? Please...

Ah, with these skirts!
Look what happens then.

Is it possible to go to a restaurant?

Are you making some innovations?

We're putting a neon.

Don't be so mean,
don't let me suffer...

What a pain!

Are you bleeding?

- Good afternoon. How's your wife?
- So-so.

- And the kids?
- Fine, thanks.

I'm happy for that.

- Good afternoon, Prince.
- Good afternoon, Alfredo.

Miss. Lena, the Prince is here.

Good morning, don An�bal.

Hi, Lena! New stuff!

Did you notice? We're putting a neon.
We must be modern.

What are you saying?

If something is old,
you must leave it as it is...

'cause if you try to look modern,

then nobody might like you.

What would you think if I got
a haircut like Fredy Boy?

See? You'd be laughing.

I'll always be in love
with you, you know that.

He knows it, but let's eat now.

That's why I come here,
not because of the meal,

but because the hostess
is in love with me.

Oh, fine! Let's just talk.

Listen, I must confess
you something...

when I was a little girl, I watched
you entering the carriage...

They think I'm stupid.

What's up, Fricand�?

If they believe that I'm

cooking 10 kg of stew...

10 kg of stew!? Where are they?

Who wants the steak?
Who wants a lombarda?

Damn it!

Fine, make it a steak.
They do this on purpose.

If someone asks for stew,
I'll tell them I don't have it.

Hey, what are you doing?

No, it's fine.

Fricand�, another steak of calf.

And of your grandfather!

Stop it! Do you like jail?

Mind your own business.

What's in here?

Meatballs! My God!

And you never noticed me.

Of course, you were eleven.

I just arrived!

I am the queen and you must know
that the throne is mine...

and you have to give it to
me, if not I'll send you all to the caverns.

All of you! This is what your queen says.

Take it, your majesty.

Italians, thieves, filthy pigs, all
of them scoundrels.

Idlers, tramps, and all
dying for sleep.

I am going to bury you
all in the sewers.

Ah, her majesty is here!

Your majesty, didn't you write
to America today?

The queen has already written and
they answered with a direct telegram.

On Saturday they come
and put me on the throne.

And first, I'll burn
down the Campidoglio...

I'll close the ministries and
reopen the brothels. Be ready.

Good afternoon, queen.

All in the sewers, like rats...

All except one. Me!

How beautiful she was!

They were all hitting on her,
and me too...

but there was nothing to do,
she refused all.

Then she got married
to a scoundrel and...

I'm her majesty.
The queen.

My mother was a...

What sickness!

Poor woman.

Anything to eat?

Would you like some spaghetti?

No, I'd like light food today.

- Take the soup.
- Do you want rice?

The soup, take my advice!

Rice neither. Perhaps
a vegetable soup.

And next what would you like?

Did Fricando cook the stew?

Yes, with peppers.
Shall I bring it to you?

- Certainly! Stew with peppers.
- That's what he calls light food.

Taste it, they brought it today.
It's new wine.

The old one was better.

Nela, I thought about it...

I'd rather have a soup.
Is it ready?

- Of course.
- Then bring me the soup.

Bravo! Good choice.

It was slightly tasteless but
it is already tidy.

Stew with peppers!

Only the princes know
its taste.

You like it?

She was the great-grandmather
of Mr. Antonio.

When I encountered her at the
stairs her face blushed.

One day, her husband had some things to do,
and she was staying here all alone.

So I entered, closed the door and she said:
What are you doing sir?

I rushed forward, stripped the...

I apologize. It was talking about
my sins only to punish myself.

Dear Gino...

What a deep thought! Dear Gino!

How are you? I love you so much.
I send you many kisses...

She thinks and writes the same things.

I send you a thousand kisses.

A thousand? That's too much.

Don't send him anything,
I'm near you right now.

- Carletta!
- Yes Mr. Prince.

Where's Antonio?

He's having a rest.
Shall I call him?

No, leave him alone.

Do you know where he keeps
the spanner?

Not but usually keeps them inside.
I'm going to search.

Eh you, always there!

Yes sir. What should I do?
I help her with the letters.

Take it Prince. If you
need anything else...

No, thanks. This is all.

Ah, listen! That guy came over...

The engineer!

That engineer of the last
week for your house.

- Again? But this is turning
into a persecution!

He wanted to wait for you
but I told him you'd be late.

Fine, always tell him
I'm not home.

At my times, engineers didn't
have so much time to loose.

It's true.

You're a bit retardet.
You couldn't remember 'engineer'!

Now I want to see if you
write 'kiss' with a 'c'.

Here, I knew it.

Fortunately, Gino is dumber than you...

so he won't catch it.

Mister Antonio had a
hard time every morning

to send him to school.

- Hi Carlleta.
- Hi Marisa.

I'm late because there was
boy who was following me...

from home 'til here.
But now he's gone.

What did he say to you?

Nothing, not a word.

- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

Can you tell the prince that I want
to speak to him?

Ah! Again this bore.

So?

I don't know if he's back.

He is. I saw him enter.

I have parked the car
just in front.

Yes, it's true, he's back.
But he must be having a rest.

The prince doesn't rest in the afternoon.
You know this better than me.

Call him.

What does he want?

I don't believe that don Anibal
wants to receive you.

Even pigs like him find can find a wife
nowadays. This is unbearable!

Be careful, it hurts.

Yes, I noticed that.

What's up?

It's the engineer. He wants...

I'm not here, I'm out! I'm dead!

Wait a moment. Let
me talk to that corpse.

Hello, Prince, it's the engineer...

Well done, don An�bal!

I have a new offer to make to you
You'll like it for sure...

Don't bother, I told
you what I had to!

Listen, let me come up.

Fine, come.

Thanks, prince.

Damn it!

Would you be sad if the
prince sold the house?

Of course! Gino told me that we'd
live here after getting married.

You will, for sure.

His family lives here
since 200 years ago.

I know that, I almost became a relative of
mr. Antonio's great-grandmother.

The engineer.

What a malicious nuisance.

He has nothing to do and
comes here to bother me.

Well, you snatched another
feather from Pasqualino.

You'll strip him naked,
poor parrot.

- Can I?
- Come in.

- Good morning, prince.
- Greetings.

What are you doing, engineer?

Calm. Stay calm,
no need to hurry.

- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

Many things happening to me today.

There are certain days
when everything goes wrong.

- Yes, right. Sit down.
- Thanks.

Excuse me, but I have to
be provident today.

Also try to be brief.

It depends on you. Put your
signature here, take the cheque,

and we'll be done in 5 minutes.

I won't sign it, won't take
the cheque, and so...

in 5 minutes we're done.

Excuse me, but I insist.
Contrary to the other nobles,

you've got the chance to
sell the palace 'cause

it's not considered as
a national monument.

Go away, you nuisance!

The sum that we offer is more than
the double of its real value.

How could you know how much my
house means so much to me.

Think it over, we're talking about
millions, and this is just

an advance of 50.
Look, it weights.

Yes, but I'm old now and I
can't raise weights anymore.

Think how many things you
can do with 200 millions.

200 millons!

Maybe this time he'll accept!?

You don't know what's he like!

Wow, never seen so much money!

These are 50, right?

Yes, and then you would
add another 150.

Apparently.

You know what I would do
with all these money?

I'd buy a palace like this one.
It would cost me 200 millions...

and I'd be again in a
palace without a penny.

Just as I'm now.

But prince, you live alone, there
are smaller houses!

Yes, now that I'm broke
I live in a big house...

when I become a millionaire I
have to live in a small house!

Look, forget all this,
I've got something to do now.

I have to repair the water boiler.

The wind! Prince, the cheque!

Close the window,
for the God's sake!

Close it yourself! What manners,
he gives orders to the prince.

But it's a 50-million cheque!

Paid to the bearer!

Try harder!

Here, look!

Do something!

What do I do?

You picked it up, finally.

You see, the millions don't
weigh that much.

And if I convince my company
to raise the offer?

Convince it to leave me in
peace, best wishes.

Best.

Bye.

Stop!

Mr. Prince...

I'm sorry.

Why do they always
have to make the handles

at the pocket's level?

Damn it!

Curse!

Bah! His hand was
full of sweat.

He thinks I'm mad,
but I'm not.

Pascualino, what's happening to you?

You look featherless everyday.

Your used to have a beautiful tail.
You've lost weight.

Are you in love, Pascualino?

People think I'm mad.

If the healthy ones live in
houses with 24 floors...

if they get killed in car crashes,
suffer heart-attack at 35 years old...

Then I'm mad.
Three times mad.

Well, you're just a bit.

So? Did you win?

Instead of 7, 12 and 28
came out 7, 13 and 38.

This is for relying on the Father.

It's been 20 years you rely on what
he says to you in sleep

and you've never won.

1000 lire wasted!

Next Saturday we'll make
a toast for the Father's health.

You always say that,
and instead...

Well! Number 7 was right!

I missed only two numbers.

But, this time he got very near.

Yes, near, I believe it!
Come on, let's go!

The number 28 was correct.

It didn't come out in ten
years and a half. Bah!

There he is! Still with the water boiler.
He's such a stubborn.

Look how a prince...

He pretended it was too difficult!

It took just 10 minutes to fix.

As if you need a degree to
tighten up some nuts.

What are you doing?

Stupid!

Careful with what you're doing!

Poor don An�bal... don Antonio!

Poor don An�bal... don Antonio!

How could he fix the water boiler
all be himself?

Did he get burned?

No, he's lying on the floor.

It seemed that he lost his senses.

Poor don An�bal, who could
have imagined that?!

What did the doctor say?

The heart.

It's my fault, my fault.

It's noone's fault, it was
just an accident.

If I had come to repair
the water boiler...

We always quarrelled,
but it wasn't for real.

He used to say: When I die,
bring me some coffee

and you'll see that I'll
resurrect like Lazarus.

Why do all people cry
when one is dying?

I don't get it.

They believe only in life, and
think they're better than us.

Exactly like me. He with the water boiler,
and me with the petard.

I'm happy, I left
when he was five.

Look, he saw you. He recognized you.

Poldino...

Anibal!

Before he died he said: Poldino.

I'm here! Obey
to your queen...

if not I'll put you all
in the sewers like rats.

Only one will be saved. One
who wasn't disgusting as you are.

And now that he's gone
I don't believe in anyone.

Hear the drums of
the royal guards!

I'm the queen!
I'm coming.

Eh, filthy pigs, cowards, nobodies!

No, I want to go
and see the Polcinella.

Stop it, Giancarlo!

Stop it, Giancarlo!

Tomorrow we'll go to the
beach with the scooter.

I know a place where
we can eat like gods.

Yes... you think only of eating.

- Give me a kiss.
- No, not now.

Yes, let's go to the beach.
We'll have fun.

The guardsman, the guardsman!

The guardman guys!

- Hey, you!
- Who is it?

Ah, you're one of us! Hi!

- Leave her alone!
- Why? What will you do?

- You leave her alone!
- Mind your own business.

It's my niece.

If it's true, I'm
sorry... I'll obey.

I remind you that he'll take her to the
beach tomorrow... so don't blame me.

- Is he?
- I think so.

He didn't stop you even last night.

He didn't!

Then he's dumb.

No, he's shy...

He waits for me at the street
and then comes after me.

And you?

I pretend I don't see him.
I walk slower and slower.

What does he do?
Does he reach you?

No, he walks slower, too.

But then he's not in love
he's from the police.

One moment, I'll see
if there's anyone.

Good evening, I'm
Federico di Roviano.

Ah, good evening, Mr. Prince!

I almost didn't recognize you.
Many years have passed.

Dear Antonio, how are you?

Fine, thanks. I didn't
expect you so early.

The lawyer told me that you'd
be coming next week.

Yes, yes, it's true.

- Loveable! Is she your daughter?
- No, an employee.

- Is it open upstairs?
- I'll get the key.

- Fredy!
- Yes my dear.

I was just going to call you.
Let's go up! Antonio!

- Coming!
- This way, please.

So this is the famous palace.

Yes, do you like it?

Who's he? A relative
of don An�bal?

Yes, his nephew. He hasn't
shown up in 15 years and

now appears only because
he inherited it.

Did you see?
They're not married.

What eyes you've got!

Yes, it's the first thing
I look at.

Why doesn't this spinet work?

- It's 50 years old.
- Really?

The library is this way.

Fredy...

Excuse me, Eileen.

I'm so sorry I couldn't meet
uncle Anibal before he died.

You should have thought
earlier about that.

Do you remember when you remained
shut in the attic with the suitcases

and the aunt Elo�sa lost the train?

Certainly, you shut me up!

I don't know to explain this, but it
makes a great effect on me

coming back to a house in which
I've already lived. It is curious.

Oh, poor Pascualino!
He's dead...

Certainly, he was like a 100
years old when I was a kid.

Lately, this was the favorite
armchair of don Anibal...

He stayed there for hours, sitting
and looking through the window.

What was he looking at?
There's a wall there.

I don't know, he just looked.

Why did he keep all these
worm-eaten furniture?

They are ancient furniture, darling.

Exactly. When things are old
we throw them away, right?

And what's this?

The papal chair.

- What?
- The papal chair..

It is a special chair
reserved to the pontiffs

when they were coming to pay
a visit to our family.

It must have been
there for a long time!

Maybe more than 3 centuries.

When I was a child, they slapped
me for hiding behind it!

They feared it might break down
and never cleaned it from the dust.

Yes, I noticed that.

Antonio, the baggage of the lady
is in the car. Bring it up, please.

- Ah! So, will you stay here?
- Yes, why?

No, no, nothing. I'll go now.

Where's the phone?

There, in the desk.

Thanks.

Antonio, what's up?
Did you buy yourself a car?

I called you as soon as
I arrived, engineer.

Yes, if you like.
If not I'll come to you.

As you wish, thanks.

Reginaldo!

Yes, at any time, I'm all
the evenings in the City Song.

Very well. Perfect.

Looks like him!

See you later, engineer.

They look so much alike!

- Federico!
- Eileen!

Eileen? Do you think it's a
proper name for a cardinal?

What are you wearing?
Take off those clothes!

Don't you like it? I'd be great if I
could get a photo dressed like this.

Red cardinal overcoat
over black lingerie.

Stop this foolishness!
Do you think it's amusing?

You're so hare-brained!
This is not a fashion saloon

and not one of those hotels
you used to live in.

What's the matter with you?

Nothing, I'm sorry. Just don't touch
things that don't belong to you.

Ah! Now that you're rich, you
distinguish your things from mines.

You've never had this kind
of mood before, right?

What mood are you talking of!

The fact is that there are
things which deserve respect.

Besides, I haven't got the money yet.
But I'll get it soon...

I already have an appointment
to sign the contract.

What are you going to sign?

I don't want to end like my uncle.
Poor dreamy man!

He was so attached
to these kind of things that

he spent his life in misery
without selling anything.

Thank God for having
had such a dumb uncle.

They had offered him
up to 160 millions.

I just had to make a phone call and
arranged the price at 180 millions.

They cheated you, 'cause they were
going to give 200 to your uncle.

But they must be crazy to spend so
much money for a hovel like this one!?

No at all, there's a big project.

They want to build big a
supermarket with 20 floors.

The biggest of Europe.
They already have the permissions.

They only wait for the
permission to beat this down.

What's up?

I put the baggage over there.

I also brought the key.

Well done, Antonio, 'cause
we'll be back late at night.

It is necessary to hold a key like
that to open the large door?

No, you have to throw it.

Ah! If while we are out
any pontiffs come

to visit Federico,
tell them to wait a little.

He can't wait 'til he sells the house!...

And he doesn't care of us!

Maybe Poldino misunderstood him.

I understood it perfectly...

It bothers you 'cause I said
that you two look alike.

He's exactly like you, except that
he's got both the shoes.

Hey, look, one shoe is enough for me.
Have some respect.

Stop it.

What's the matter with you?
Why are you crying?

Well, I just didn't have
anything else to do.

Ah! We need to decide, do
something we need to act.

Where did you say that he'll
meet the the engineer?

- At City Song.
- And what's this?

I don't know.

Well, I suggest we should
pay a visit to this City Song.

Yes, let's go! It's been a century since
we don't go out all together at night.

Listen, Poldino, this woman...

Federico's fianc�e: how is she?

One of those you like.

I got it. Let's go!

- Yes, let's hurry.
- You did wake up, in the end!

- Where are you going?
- I'm coming with you.

No, forget it. The children
stay with the children.

And you with the girls.

No arguments.
The children at your age

must not go out at night.
Alright?

But, my smaller brother
died at the age of 65

and you still treat me as a baby.

Yes, let him come.
For once!

- Ok, let's go.
- Let's go.

I hope you stop throwing yourself
every night into the river.

Good night, gentlemen.

- Good night lady.
- Good night.

Welcome to City Song.

Good night, doctor.

Alberto, please,
could you park the car?

Did you leave the keys?
I'll do it.

Put it over there, please.

- Thank you.
- Amuse yourself.

Behind the 1500 one.

This is Federico's fianc�e.

What a chick!

What sort of place is this?

A place where priests usually
neither come nor touch anything.

You see? You brought Poldino here:

"Let's take him for once!"

Ah, yes! Now it's my fault.

Same as last year when we
went to Huberto hall.

Anna Fuchet was acting. It was
in 1920 and she calls it last year.

Come here, Poldino, wait.

This child!

There's atmosphere tonight.

Mike has come, too.

You stay here, near the wardrobe.

- Like an umbrella?
- Like an umbrella!

I'll also stay here
at the wardrobe.

My ears whistle.
Give me a number.

Seven.

The G! They are speaking of
me, Gianni or Giulliana.

Better Gianni, or not?

Hey, we're not here to
amuse ourselves!

Yes, got it. Let's enter.

The music puts me
in a cheerful mood...

I even can grant you this dance.

You look around there.

Oh, beautiful stranger!

A pizza!

With too much oregano.

They drug themselves with oregano.

You are so adorable that...

I'd like to make you one
of those declarations...

that aren't made anymore.

I'd like to be the sun in the daytime,
that caresses your front...

Kisses your mouth,
descends down your neck.

At night I'd like to be the moon...

that covers you with the silver cloak.

Hey! Did you forget
why we're here?!

Why are you so nervous?
Relax, have some fun.

That lies into your candid bed

and gathers your dispersed
hair on the pillow. Oh, God!

Are you finished, or not?

Wait a moment.

Saint Margarita! Oh, heaven!

But... what?

He is a man!
And I kissed him!

This way you will learn not
to kiss the first one...

the first one that comes along.

I have always relied
on the appearance...

Now it's necessary to ask
for he papers first.

This world is crumbling down!

Father Bartolomeo, he's here.

Let's go, Flora found
that ignoble heir.

That is all. You see, it
took such little time.

What did they do?

Nothing, Federico signed
a few papers.

You wretched! And you allowed it?

Don't you know what those
few papers mean?

That this beast sold the house

and we'll have to sleep
under a bridge!

Turn a bit!

- Miss, to your health!
- Cheers.

- Prince...
- Cheers.

And this sort of man
resembles me?!

Yes, but he's nicer.
More manly.

If in the Roviano
family there was a man...

Yes, don't worry, engineer...

He's weak, with a convict's hair
and unexpressive eyes.

Also listen to his speech!

"Yes, don't worry, engineer..."

To the first one who dares to say
that resembles to me...

I'll kick to him with this foot.

And so, tomorrow at
twelve o'clock we'll meet

to retain the permission for the demolition.

- Please, be punctual.
- Of course.

Federico doesn't have the gift
of the punctuality...

but I'm sure that he
will not let you wait.

- Waiter!
- No, leave it to me.

Son of a slag!

Let's go then.

Wait a moment. I have to speak
with the director for a job.

That work of yours!
Come on, hurry.

I don't like it either but soon

I'll not have to work,
is it true, my dear?

I don't have the wallet.
Do you mind if you pay?

What a disgusting prince.

That's why the republics are victorious.

Right!

Why didn't we meet earlier?

Your Federico and I don't
resemble at all...

although I admit that we have
the same tastes.

Hey! Are you preparing a joke

like that disgusting singer?

I wouldn't think so...

Only if...

Hi director.

There is no trick!

Poldino, poor boy.

So, from Monday we
will have the honor of...

Yes, but I wanted to tell you that
I don't like too much publicity.

Very well, we will change that.

I've always satisfied your
requests, but you...

- What are you trying to say?
- Speak frankly!

- We might spend some time...
- You are a pig.

In my times you would
be dead already.

See you on Monday then.

Bye.

What if we face other problems?

It is possible, but we have
the means to resolve those.

- Don't worry.
- Let's hope so.

- Prince, see you to tomorrow.
- Up to tomorrow.

- Keep it.
- Thank you, gentleman.

Good night and greet
you lady.. the miss, by my side.

I'll greet her.

I am glad to have
finally met a Roviano

with the head on his shoulders.

I don't believe that my uncle would
have thought the same about me.

May his soul rest in peace.

But we need to think about the alive ones.
As they say: dead people don't come back...

That's what you say.

My hat!

Damn it!

The exam is very hard,
especially the theory.

Try again, I'll ask you
more questions.

- Yes.
- This one.

End of prohibition of passing for
all the automobiles...

and vehicles of haulage.

Good. What about this?

Transit with alternate unic sense.

And now tell me
about the overtaking.

The overtaking is always
done on the left side

of the vehicle that precede us.

Yes, on the left side of the vehicles
that precede us..

except for the vehicles
that ride on rails.

Well.

I'm happy that
you've become a nun.

Men aren't worth enough nowadays.

Who must give priority
to the vehicles

that want to turn to the left?

What?

Are you done behaving like a clown?

No, after the thing that happened yesterday,
I needed a blow of purity.

Yes, we're going to remain without
house and you lose your time

with the nuns, who have
the best villas of Rome.

Right father Bartolomeo. Don't you
think I should be settling here?

Let's go. We have to keep
an eye on Federico.

The appointment at the town
hall is in the afternoon.

We have enough time.

Then you add a small
glass of white wine...

White wine!

You cover it and
leave it on slow fire.

And the onions?
Did you forget them!

Allow me to say goodbye to the nuns.

Leave them alone, come on.

Don't you realize that they're
going to throw us in the street?

I can't stand the fact that
you treat me like Poldino!

Poldino is more responsible than you.

Tonight I spoke to Pelegrino Rossi.

Who is he?

Who is he!? The lawyer of
P�o Nono, the whole eminence.

They told me that
permissions to construct

this sort of general market
cannot be given.

There is the rascal.
He's nice!

He lets himself be
fooled by that bitch...

that incites to sell it.

- Federico...
- Yes...

- The money!
- Ah, thanks!

Don't forget to fill it with gasoline.

That wretched has
already signed.

That doesn't mean anything.

When they see that can't
have the permissions...

they won't buy the palace.

Pelegrino Rossi spoke clearly.

He consulted a series
of laws and said:

They cannot give
permissions. It's illegal.

- Bye, bye!
- Bye!

Bye! He says "Bye".

We are talking about the biggest
supermarket of Europe.

With terraces, heliport,
restaurants and parking.

Only the garage, which has
an exceptional capacity

should convince you
to give the permission to us.

Yes, but I can't argue
about authorizing an initiative...

Try to open the garage. Try it!

Engineer, I told you that it's
impossible for me to...

Mr. director, how much is worth
a hovel in comparison

with what we want to construct?

It's enough to think about the
capacity of independent garage...

I'm sorry but the law and
my conscience prohibit me to grant

an authorization that would provoke
irreparable damages.

Just have a look at
the garage. Open it!

I already said that I cannot...

Your honour, you believe that nothing
can be created or destroyed...

But if you want to create something,
it's also necessary to destroy.

In chemistry perhaps,
but not in architecture.

Your honour, at least allow
me show you the extraordinary

capacity of the independent garage.

I've already seen it. But it's not
a matter of garage capacity...

So, please don't insist on a request
that I'd not hesitate to refuse.

Excuse me, your honour!
But, open the garage.

I've already told you that I cannot...

Alright. The city of Rome
needs bigger garages

for a more and more beautiful ltaly.

- Bartolomeo...
- Eh?

What about the laws?

Send my greetings
to Pelegrino Rossi.

Do you hear me, my love?

Yes, I hear you.

What's up, lovely?

Are you alone?

Not, I am not alone.

Oh God, did he see us?

If you knew with whom I am.
Can't you guess?

What an astonishment!

In company of the
most dearest friends...

most valuable and
most faithful ones.

Pascualino, we're rich!

He doesn't give a damn about it!

You wretched! Where would you go
if you became a ghost? To a hostel?

Spineless, scoundrel,
and even old.

Look who's talking. You got 170
years old the day before yesterday.

Yes, but I always look
like 31, my dear.

Look at him.

At the same desk, his uncle refused 200
millions without a blink of an eye...

Instead, he lost his head
for a miserable sum in advance.

Sing, sing, you scoundrel!

We have to understand him.
He is so young.

How beautiful is the age of youth

that flies so fast.

Federico, how many
friends are they?

- Do you hear me?
- What are you saying?

I asked you how
many friends there are.

5 millions, at the moment.

Oh, my love! I'm so much
happy... for you!

You are more deceitful...
than any woman.

If you weren't naked,
you'd be disgusting me.

Now you are
a prince for real.

Fredy, you know what?
I'll call the City Song...

I'll annul the contract and maybe
pay for this annulment.

From now on I'll strip
only in front of you.

And in front of me.

I've always thought that if
we had so much money...

We don't have so
much money yet.

But we will have it.

- What times!
- Ah, yes!

Degenerate nephews.

Can you imagine? We will have
a big house only for us.

With a chimney, three baths
and with water boiler that works.

But before, I'd like to make
a nice trip with you.

We might go even to England,
so I can introduce you to my family.

We can go there with a
beautiful white Mercedes.

Ah! You've chosen even its color.

Certainly, she is a very ready girl.

Yes, even you now.

I was just thinking, but it's you

who will decide for
everything, my dear.

The important thing is
being always together

and waking up every morning
close to each-other...

I'll arrange your things and at night
I'll wait for you to come back...

Wouldn't it be beautiful?
Wouldn't you like it?

Don't you see that she's pretending?

Lili!

Fredy, Eileen!... What names!

At least I wasn't born
in this century.

Lili, can I come in?

No, it's better if you don't...

I can't keep on speaking
this way if I look at you...

Only if I don't look at you
I can say all these things.

Of course, otherwise you'd
burst out laughing.

Who knows if I used
to be such a naive!

Don't worry, we never
broke anything.

I hope so.

Miss, is there anything else?

Not for today. You'll
take the rest tomorrow.

Come.

Did you decide?

No. I won't go.
He's an excommunicated one.

These things belong to this world!
You know someone who can save us

and you care if he's
excommunicated or not.

Treat her well, please.

She was so sweet.

And are not thinking
about the poor child?!

Expelled from the house
of his own brother...

which he was forced to leave
at such a tender age...

and now he has to
abandon it forever.

Don't be a comedian. I told you
that I can't and don't want to.

He is a heretic and a blasphemer.
I cannot.

Come on, Father Bartolomeo.

I told you I won't go!

The truck will give us a ride.

Forget the truck.
I told you I won't come.

I said no.

Damn it, these old
armchairs weigh too much!

As if they were filled
with dead bodies.

Let's go.

Can I come with you?

It's not for children.
Stay here!

So you're going to
hang out with ladies.

See? He thinks so
'cause of you.

Come on, don't stop.

Did you see that? It is like
a sea of cement...

Instead of living in
these modern houses

I'd become a priest.
No offence to you.

Here it is.

Bartolomeo, are you sure
he's somewhere here?

I don't know!
I heard so.

Eh, you two!
Who you are you?

What do you want?

We're looking for Giovanni
Baptista Billari, aka Caparra.

I'm Caparra!

Speak, tell me what you want,
but send away that priest.

You see!? I knew it, that's
why I didn't want to come.

Excuse us, but we both
want to talk to you.

Don't scream!
I am not deaf.

Good morning, Caparra.

Tell him that I can't
bare the preaching.

I don't like it either...

Anyway, do you remember me?

You came to paint at the
cloister of the Carmelites.

Damned cloister.
I broke a foot there.

Well, there's no need to blaspheme.
I told you it's a bad habit.

So, what urged the good priest
to come inside the devil's lair?

They want to destroy our house.
Only you can help us.

Me?

What's so funny about this!?
I don't get it.

And you come to me?!
You are into big trouble.

Do you know how many times
they have evicted me?

As a dead one, of course.
No one would dare if I was alive.

It was in a palace
near Monte Cavallo

and a marquise of Sixto V,
ordered to knock it down...

Then came the governor of
Bonaparte and I moved again.

In Pious Door I lost the house
because of the piedmontese.

I came to Rome and the fascists

smashed everything up to build
the Town of the Conciliation.

What are you doing?

Then I decided to
move at the countryside.

A few years ago people

Look into what has turned now...

In six months they will
smash even my old tower...

because it's considered an
imminent ruin, as they say.

With no historical value.
And again I will blame...

Don't they ever say anything to him?

They must be fed-up with him.

Listen, if you help us,
you can live with us.

With you?
No, I don't like it.

- A moment...
- Put down your hands!

It is a calm place,
in the old part of Rome...

It's the way you like it.

- Are there children?
- No, there's total peace.

Fine, Father.
Tell me about it.

It is a very simple thing.
Where we live...

Hey! I hope you're not
taking me to a cloister!?

Do you think I could stay there?!

Look at what sort of people
I have to live with!

You know my dear,
the whole night

I've not been able to take
my eyes off that portrait.

He scares me. Who's he?
One of your forefathers?

Yes, Bonifacio of Roviano.
A saint man...

He even founded an institute
for the deaf-mutes...

Also he restored the palace.

Poor man, if he knew...

He'd understand you.

His face is full of goodness
and intelligence.

- And how many rings he's got!
- Yes.

Who knows where
are they now?

The last jewel of the family
was an earring that

I found in a secret booth when
I was 13 years old.

I was dumb at that age!

I sold it for 400 lyres.
Can you imagine that?

Who knows how much
it was worth!

No, more than anything,
had a historical value...

Napoleon lll had fallen in
love with my grandmother.

He gave her the earring
and invited her to Paris

to have some more.

Did she go?

Well, they say...

Excuse me, do you mind...

They say that she was a woman
with moral principles but...

I kept on looking for the other
earring for months and months.

Glory of Venus coming out
from the froth of the sea...

Mermen, satyrs,
warriors, Amazons...

For god's sake, this
is what I want to paint!

You might do a lesser
work for us.

Yes, there's not enough time.

One day the Quericotto challenged me...

He who would take more time in painting 4
roofs, would have to hang himself.

I won with an advantage
of 12 hours.

And did the Quericotto hang himself?

Not, I saved him...

That was wrong from me, 'cause
he was such an awful painter.

This is the woman I need!

The Venus that I've
always dreamed of!

Not the typical powerful
and disgusting doll.

- What are you doing? There's a child!
- Worse for him...

You told me there
were no children!

I want her.
And I want her naked.

No, not her.
She would realize that.

Who knows how many Rovianos
have slept in this bed?

No one with a woman like you!

That's what you think!
I did bring some women here...

Who is that guy?

A great-grandson, a dumb one.

Look, there's Flora.
Why don't you undress her?

She's fine as a Venus.

- Me Venus?
- Who? That one?

Why? What do you have
to say? Don't you like me?

She isn't fine, is she?!

How's that?! Now it's
me who doesn't want.

Put down your
paws, monkey.

She doesn't look like
a woman of the 15-th century.

Thanks, but I'm of the 18-th century.

Shut up, you dumb. That of the 19-th
is like a woman of the 15-th.

See? You aren't worth
even as a model.

Nothing, with this blonde
hair, all washed-out...

Conventional. Don't you see?
You are spongy.

Holding the fire
in a pillar of ice...

the fire burns and
the ice does not melt.

Anyway, take off your clothes.

You are obsessed.
Can't you make it while she's dressed?

A dressed Venus would look like
a servant. Take it off!

Couldn't you paint
a sacred theme?

I've never painted
sacred themes.

If you wanted a Virgin
with the child in arms,

you should have called that
sanctimonious of Guidarelli.

I told you to undress!

He's got no shame.

Come Poldino, let us
go near the turpentine.

Ave Maria, full of grace...

Father, come back soon.
I need you, too.

Look, there isn't a
single free wall here.

She could have been a
great Venus for certain.

Fredy. Turn off the light!

Yes, good night!
What about me?!

Fredy, don't turn it off.
I'll punch you if you do.

Let's stay so! You're so beautiful
and I want to look at you.

Don't you know me?

Well, you are not bad at all.

Did you just realized that?

In the night clubs they undress
this way, on a musical ambience.

I used to undress them
on a scourging ambience.

What can you do? Every
epoch has his methods.

Scourges, scourges!

This is a false roof.
What's above this?

I don't know it. It's
so much time like that.

Flora's father decided
to divide the room in two

because he said
that it was cold.

An attic? Perfect, I will
paint the fresco up there.

Fine, then nobody will see it.

Why not! Now you'll see.
It's just a cloth.

A dirty and greasy cloth.

Come on, everything
is falling apart in here.

- Must be the mice.
- The rats?

Yes, the workers have
already begun to work.

Come on, I don't understand
that kind of tenderness.

They have to smash it quickly.

I am going to throw
down that guy.

Calm down. If the painter
doesn't hurry we'll have trouble...

These work like crazy.

Are you dumb or what?

What's happening to you?

Help, help!

Who are you?

If you blaspheme again
I'll let you fall.

Oh mother. If it wasn't for
the Father, I'd be dead now.

What are you talking about?
What father?

Of course you'll fall down.
You were drunk since the morning.

It was better not to save him.
Thanks to the accident

the work would have stopped
and we'd gain time.

- The human life is sacred.
- Ah yes...

Mister Sandro!

There it goes!

Alert!

It's falling down.

What are you doing? Are you
trying to get us killed?

What have you done?
You didn't tie it well.

Someone might have died.

Let's see if
Caparra has finished.

Perhaps you have
to pose again.

I didn't want to, but he started
blaspheming like a Turkish.

Look, even nails on
this rotten wall.

The wall of the fresco has
to be very dry...

Very light and without
any roughness...

It must be covered
preferably by greasy lime

on which the painter will apply
the colors for the fresco.

This is what cavalier Arpino said,
my venerated master.

Yes, we all are good painters
when we talk. Right cavalier?

But when the artist paint
a fresco on a wall that

looks like it's made
by pieces of plaster...

without a tone of calcium,
either light nor fat...

That's a very different thing.
Right, cavalier Arpino?

You great horny junk.
Where will he be?

Yes, fine. I know, he's
up there with you.

He's not a renegade
burned alive like me.

Stay well there!

Look how funny is father Bartolomeo
dressed as a woman!

Shut up, you child. He's Jupiter
disguised as laundress

to seduce Venus.

And doesn't Venus realize that
the laundress is a man?

She doesn't realize it,
'cause Venus is dumb.

That's why you you
took Flora as a model.

Did you see yourself?
You are horrible.

Eh! What were you expecting?
I'd like to see you dressed as a woman.

Have you finished?
The workers are coming...

I don't care! I have to put my
signature on it, not you.

I've already finished.
This is a real masterpiece.

Not bad at all.
You're good.

I know it, I don't need
to hear that from you.

Do not touch the fresco.

Fresco? It is a fresco of
Caparra, done 350 years ago.

And that one is me!?

Listen, if someone has to complain,
that will be Venus.

He is such a cynic.

Did you go to the
river yesterday?

No, he made me stay
here the whole night.

Well, I'm not convinced
at all by that nose.

How is it?
You are deformed.

Leave my nose alone.
We don't have much time...

We have to make sure that
someone sees the fresco.

Very simple. Look, it is only
a hurdle and cloth

eaten by the worms,
like us.

Who is it?
Who is it up there?

What's happening?

The roof is falling down!

Look...

If we don't go away soon, the workers
will smash down the house upon us.

I said look at it!

What is that?
A painting?

No, no, it's a fresco.
Never seen one before.

Of course, the roof covered it.
It must be very ancient...

If it belongs to a famous painter
it must cost a fortune, right?

Yeah, a fortune.
But for whom?

What are you saying? Excuse
me, but I can't hear you...

Romiano as Rome?
Ah, no, Roviano!

Why are you
screaming so loudly?

I can't hear anything, it's like a
voice coming from the afterlife.

Hello?

Square of the Peace, 12.
Palace Roviano.

Yes! An authentic work of Caparra
has been found this morning.

Send a reporter as
soon as possible.

And a photographer.

And also a photographer!

Thanks!

Ah, finally! It's so hard
to be heard.

What do you want? You are a ghost.
Let's call "The Messenger" now.

Yes, already done that.

The Evening Mail then.

Ah, yes! They love
these sort of things.

East... 4, 5...

Then we call the Roman
Observer. I've got a friend there.

Hello, the Evening Mail?

Bad business.

I'm feeling some kind of
twinge this morning.

- It will be the moisture.
- Ah, yes!

I would like to know
this dumb is studying.

I also know him.
He's the same stupid that

once in Dresden it attributed
to me a work of Caravaggio.

Damn it! Why did you
call all these pressmen?

I didn't call anybody!

Maybe they dreamed it.
They will be all against us,

especially the press of the Left.

But you already have the
permissions, all sealed.

Miss, if it is a Caparra,
all stamps mean nothing.

Let's wait the report
of the expert.

I'll take care of him.
Take them all in the other room.

Looks like they have gone mad...

With all those works of
arts that exist in Rome...

why so much fuss for a
fresco of this Caparra?

Yes, he was a master
of the 16-th century.

Thank you, gentleman.

So, professor?

Only the eyes of an
inexpert can attribute

erroneously this fresco to Caparra.

What's this stupid saying?

Look, look at that
Venus for instance...

For god's sake, this is not the type of
woman that looks like a Venus...

How could I do it better
with a model like her?

What did this Venus
have that I do not?

Nothing more than you,
just everything better.

So, professor,
are you really sure?

Very sure! As I've already
mentioned in my treatise:

"Art and craft in the painting
of the 16-th century"

Cappara didn't possess a
strong artistic personality.

I'll tell you what, asshole.
Leave me!

First he attributed to
me the work of another...

and now he says that I don't have
a strong artistic personality!

Why do you care?

Lousy jerk!

Calm down, nothing can be
obtained with badd manners.

Leave me alone!

Lousy jerk, worm, slanderous!

Leave me!.
Son of bad mother...

Paint a fresco of this caliber
to your mother in one night!

Nice cheat. So much
work for nothing.

Who can stop them now?

They will smash it all down.

There might be
another solution...

We learned it from them.
The idea of the garage.

The garage? What is that?

It is a sort of
an Aladin's lamp.

You ask what you want
and it is fulfilled.

Good, father Bartolomeo!
It is a good idea.

What are we waiting for then?

I can't. These clothes prohibit me
to make use of illegal methods...

but Reginaldo who is quick
with the hands maybe could...

It is a pity, professor...

Imagine if we would have
discovered a real Caparra.

Yes, it's a pity. But we've
got nothing to do about that.

It is very clear that it was
painted by another painter.

So, we can knock it down!
Well, if you say so...

you would agree to leave
us a written report.

On the contrary,
it's my duty.

This report is very
important for us...

Do you understand, professor?

Yes, I guess I understand.

We will take into
account all your work.

Make yourself comfortable, professor.
Everything neccessary is at the desk.

Fine.

You see? Everything
is going fine.

Will you admit now that
it's authentic or not?

How disgusting! Paying a
donkey to tell the truth.

For professor Randoni.

"F" is not written
this way anymore.

Professor...

- Professor, do you need anything?
- No, nothing.

Excuse me, but I was thinking
that being two persons...

I do know what
I have to do. Leave me!

- Out, out!
- And she's ugly, too.

You disgusting.

It is much more profitable
to be a critic than a painter!

Well, it's done.

But, we won.

Is it done?

It's done 'cause we're
selling, otherwise having

a fresco of Caparra
in the house...

There's no danger now.
Let the pressmen enter.

Yes, let's make it official.

Make your self comfortable, gentlemen.
Keep silence, please.

The professor Randoni will be
reading his report.

I declare that the fresco
found in the palace

of the princes of Roviano,
portraying Jupiter

transformed into laundress
to seduce Venus,

can't be attributed to the painter

Giovanni Baptista Bilari,
known as Caparra.

So the garage didn't work!

Son of a...

The next time allow
me to say it!

Instead, it is attributed, without a
shadow of doubt, to other hands...

precisely, to the incomparable ones
of Michelangelo Amerisi,

known as Caravaggio.

Again to Caravaggio!
You damned ignorant fool!

No, Caravaggio, no!

Stop!

Probably he painted this...

Leave him alone!

In fact, it's better a Caravaggio
than a Caparra for us.

The most important thing is
that it's the only fresco

attributed to Caravaggio
up to this day.

Thanks, but he didn't do any.
Incompetent...

dumb, ignorant, rascal...

- Congratulations prince.
- Thank you.

The modern painters
deserve a critic like you.

Come, come with me,
I'll take care of you.

It couldn't get any worse!

I'm sorry, but I have to ask you
to give me back the advanced sum.

You committed yourself to
the contract and with your word.

The Roviano are always
loyal to their commitments.

Now he recalled
that he is a prince.

Poor him. What will he do now?
He doesn't have the money anymore.

Yes, he's into big trouble.

I don't think so. The professor Randoni
was paid to tell the truth,

but, since he lied
it seems unfair to me

to reward him for his services.

How did you do it?

It was damn easy
to cheat that dumb...

He didn't notice it at all.

Here it is. You can
count it if you like.

Oh, please! If I could not rely on
the word of a prince...

- Your contract.
- Thank you.

- Mister Roviano, lady.
- Good afternoon.

You look glad to have a
Caravaggio in the house!?

What was that?

Oh, my God!

What a pain! I can't move.
Someone pushed me!

What happened?

The professor Randoni
had an accident.

Poor him! He fell
down the stairs.

Did you push him?!

No, Caravaggio did.

And did he get hurt?

I don't think so. These
jackass have a rough skin.

So, you wanted a Mercedes?

You will have to be satisfied
with a Lambreta...

a white one.

180 millions faded away, huh?

There's too much
smoke already.

Are you nervous?

Bravo.

Eileen!

Eileen, the critic fell
down the stairs...

Looks like he broke one leg.

The leg!

It's the art taking revenge
of the incompetence.

Certainly, with so many broken steps...

It will be necessary
to fixing them up.

Not only the steps.
The whole house.

Especially now that...

Do you realize that 400 years ago
Caravaggio was in this house!?

It's an honour that
will cost you 180 millions.

Yes, it's true. I'll
be that rich, but

the important thing is that
we are together.

You said that we might
start from the beggining.

Of course. You can to start
living over my shoulders.

What a temper!

I was the first
to understand her.

You said that you'd like to live
in a house, all ours...

in a big house,
all ours.

Right, but we don't have
a house but a palace...

a palace that is worth less
than a bicycle.

When we first met, you
had some problems,

but you weren't stupid.

The house, the house...
But what are we going to eat?

The bricks that
fall down in our heads?

Or we sit down and wait 'til
the manna falls from the sky,

in the papal chair, the honor and pride
of the lineage of the Rovianos?

- No!
- Nooo!

How you dare! I'll go to the police.
I'll everyone who you are,

and all the time that
I have maintained you.

Also tell them that I was
so crazy that

I offered you to be
the proprietor of this house,

in which you don't deserve
even to work as a housemaid.

It's so different being
with both of the shoes.

If I liked the priests,
the children and the famous...

Perhaps, I would stay here.

And the women?

The women are too
dumb to not like them.

I hear a noise.

A noise? But there's
nobody down there.

Ah, yes! I heard it too.

Compressed air?

I am going to see.

Flora, come on.
There are people below.

Really?

Are you coming, Giovatto?

Giovatto a horn.
My name's Giovanni Baptista.

Giovatto!

Ah, welcome!

You're already here!

The problem was that a piece
of pipe was soldered poorly...

That's why all this time I couldn't
understand how it happened.

- Poldino!
- Anibal!

Ah, what a hurry!
You're a begginner...

You still have to learn.

Yes, you need some time.

I can't even say that
you've grown up.

What happiness to be able
to know you in person!

Mrs Flora, Reginaldo...

The pleasure is ours.

You're very well.
Very well!

Father Bartolomeo,
I'm so curious...

Were you so fat even
when you were alive?

Yes, even when I was alive.

Anibal, you first.

You first, you are
the eldest brother.

It is nice to come back home.
Everything like it was before.

Ah, no! I can't bare so
many people. I'll go away.

Does he belong to the family?

Nonsense. I didn't want a
family even when I was alive.

- He's a friend.
- A painter.

We also have had

many famous painters,
too many...

They were dumb,
not painters.

How does he dare?

Let's go in the attic at
the green easy chair

where you liked to stay.

And what's that?

You like it?

If I like it? Are you joking?
It's a masterpiece...

Ah, the "Triumph of
Venus" of Caravaggio!

That's why there was
a badge on the door.

Exactly.

I was sure that there was
a Caravaggio in the house.

What Caravaggio!

I'm leaving otherwise
I'm going to finish him badly.

Priests and children
were not enough,

now there are even
dumb old men.

Who is he?
What bad manners!

Talking to me that way in my house...
and I'm even newly dead.

Don't think about him.
He is a hysteric, a disturbed...

There's a surprise
for you instead.

Oh, Federico!

Federico...

Where did I put the watch?

Antonio, any mail?

Yes, I'll bring it to you.

Don Federico, do you
remember my son Ginno?

Of course!

Good morning Mr. Prince.

What prince?!
You used to call me...

I used to...
when we were children.

Yes, 15 years ago. You went to the
school and I held you on my shoulders.

Now you can't do
that anymore Mr. Prince.

We are grown up now.

Looks like you've
grown up too much.

His friends call him "the giant".

Caprices of the nature.

You chose a nice fiancee!

I've got taste.

What is so funny?

As soon as they dismiss me...

Reginaldo, so it's true about you
and Antonio's great-grandmother...

Yes, of course. And the sins of
the forefathers fall upon the nephews.

- Your letters.
- What a nuisance!

Look, don Anibal!
Mankind is degenerating.

Undoubtedly. Slowly
but without stopping

we're going back
to the ape.

Why do you have so many
freckles on your face?

I don't know!
Maybe 'cause of the marches...

The whole day walking under the sun...

And then, in the morning...

Could you do me favor by
fixing the water boiler?

Don Federico,
I am busy now.

Fine, but don't forget it.

You agreed with him!...

You always want to get rich
making profit of the Rovianos.

Oh shit!

That is not all. Tonight I will
come for a visit. Be careful!

Bye Augusto, see you!

Fire! Fire!

The square of the lgnorancia
has given fire to the world.

He's calling for fire.
He did die in a fire.

And so he passed away...

He the fire and me the water.
Impossible to get along!

- Welcome Mr. Prince.
- Thanks.

- Where are you going?
- Here's your place.

I believe it's better there.

Do you that your uncle used
to sit exactly at that table?

Really? What a coincidence.

What do you have?

Would you like fillets of cod?

No, I prefer
something light.

Go for the cod!

Fine, bring to me
the fillets of cod.

- And for side dish?
- Boiled vegetables.

The prince came in and
didn't greet the queen.

So, the queen goes away.
How selfish!

I will go to America and
I will give them the Coliseum.

What else can I do!

The queen is already here.

I'm the queen.

You are all filthy rats and I'm
going to send you to the sewers.

My mother was a furcia.
That's what matters.

I'm the queen.