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1
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:21,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:22,960
Yeah!
3
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:24,280
Thank you, thank you!
4
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:27,160
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you.
5
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,440
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you.
6
00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:32,640
Thank you!
7
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,280
Hello and welcome to Top Gear.
8
00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,120
We're back, everybody!
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00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,040
CHEERING
10
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,480
Yes!
11
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:43,520
Over the past year,
we've been electrocuted,
12
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,120
dropped into jungles and nearly
killed by Freddie Flintoff
13
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:47,160
in an hearse.
14
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:48,440
LAUGHTER
15
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,000
But we're still here, everyone!
We are still here!
16
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,760
I've got to say, lads, spending
the last 12 months with you two,
17
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,360
well, it's definitely felt longer.
18
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,760
Anyway, we're with you for the next
six weeks and we've got a cracker
19
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,240
of a series lined up.
20
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:02,440
Have a look at this.
21
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:13,760
ENGINE GROWLS
22
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:15,760
I have been looking forward to this!
23
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:20,400
Here we go.
24
00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:35,040
I've got a new friend
and he's called The Stig.
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00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,320
You have a considerable pair
of berries on you.
26
00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:42,320
I'm not sure where they are
at the minute, Chris,
27
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:45,280
- they're somewhere in me stomach.
- That looks sketchy as f..
28
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,800
MOCKINGLY: "It's not
a proper Ferrari!"
29
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:53,480
Oh, my word!
30
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,400
How ya rootin' tootin' doin'?
31
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,560
Oh, my Lord!
32
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,320
Hold on to your schnitzels!
33
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:05,680
I can't stop!
34
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:06,880
Fred, stop!
35
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,480
I'm running out of runway!
36
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:16,640
Ow!
37
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,760
That's the best thing
you've ever done!
38
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:24,920
Three...
39
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,280
..two..
40
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,440
..one..
41
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:28,920
..go!
42
00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:30,880
Whoa!
43
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:32,880
What a time to be alive.
44
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:33,920
Loved that.
45
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:34,960
APPLAUSE
46
00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:38,080
Oh, wow!
47
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:41,680
All that coming up. Now, Fred,
bungee jumping in a car.
48
00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,080
That's all later tonight.
49
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,200
But, first up, it's January,
it's freezing out.
50
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,600
So let's talk summer holidays!
51
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,360
Because did you know the average
cost of a summer holiday
52
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,960
is £600 per person?
53
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:57,520
600 quid to sit in a smelly metal
tube for two hours
54
00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,360
and end up somewhere less comfy
than your own house.
55
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,960
But we reckon there's a better way
to get a bit of sun on your face
56
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,840
and enjoy that well-earned break.
57
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,920
Buy yourself
a second-hand convertible.
58
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,480
Correct. So, the producers said
prove it.
59
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:13,080
Last August, they gave us each
600 quid and told us to buy
60
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:17,320
a convertible and then meet up
for a Great British summer holiday.
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00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:26,000
Our meeting place would be
the seaside town of Bognor Regis.
62
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:31,120
The sunniest spot in the UK.
63
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,680
And I'd found the perfect car
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00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,440
to make the most of the weather.
65
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:43,160
Welcome to the Ford Escort
Cabriolet...
66
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:45,720
..Calypso edition.
67
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,160
Calypso.
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00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:50,760
Even sounds seasidey.
69
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,960
And the genius thing about this car
- 500 quid.
70
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,480
It's reliable and if you do have
any problems...
71
00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,760
..pretty easy to fix.
72
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,920
Also, 93,000 miles on the clock.
73
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:04,400
So it's barely running.
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00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,760
Beautiful motor.
75
00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:08,800
Beautiful.
76
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:10,960
Oi, oi!
77
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,720
Ha-ha! Yes, baby.
78
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,680
Look at that, Paddy!
79
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,600
Before you say anything,
did you get the brief?
80
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,600
- Yes, I was told...
- £600 was the budget.
81
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,880
You've not got that
for less than 600 quid.
82
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,000
This is a £600 Mercedes Benz.
83
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,160
Look at it. It's fantastic.
84
00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,440
Everything works.
85
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,240
It's not the poverty spec 200.
86
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,440
It's a 230.
87
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,560
So it's supercharged.
Nearly 200 horsepower.
88
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:39,640
Did you get the memo?
89
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:43,840
Because they told me to buy the best
convertible I could for 600 quid.
90
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:46,080
Did they ask you to come as
a mid-'90s sex offender?
91
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,880
I mean, wha... What?
92
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,840
Well, I don't know if you could say
"sex offender" on BBC Two,
93
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,920
but we've put it out there.
94
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:53,960
Er...
95
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,120
Oh, interesting.
96
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,160
Yeah.
97
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,680
What's all this?
98
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,640
Well, what's happened there is
the painted interior has worn away
99
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:03,560
to leave patternation.
100
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,320
You're also getting the smell
of raw fuel coming from the front
101
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,800
of the engine, which is a new thing
that's just emerged in the last
102
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,000
- ten minutes. - Wonderful.
103
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,160
RHYTHMIC CAR HORN TOOTS
104
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,440
Oh, my...
105
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:13,640
..God!
106
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:14,840
CHRIS AND PADDY LAUGH
107
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,040
What is that?!
108
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,040
What is that?!
109
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,040
"What is that?"
110
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,960
- "What is that?" - That's a wreck!
111
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,200
This, Paddy, is a Chrysler LeBaron.
112
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,760
- I don't know where to start with it!
- What?! - You come round the corner,
113
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,280
I thought, "Is it a Sierra?"
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00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:37,640
Well, think of road trips,
what do you think of?
115
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,200
American.
116
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,520
- No. - No.
117
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,800
What? Driving down Route 66,
roof down.
118
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,160
- No? - English family summer holidays.
119
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,680
- You'd go to the resort, wherever you
were. - Yeah. - South coast,
120
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,440
north coast. There was always one
American car
121
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:54,120
driven by a wrong 'un, wasn't there,
that used to float about.
122
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:57,080
No, I'm going to defend that.
I'm going to defend that.
123
00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,000
People automatically assumed
he was a wrong 'un.
124
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,520
THEY LAUGH
125
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,600
But in fact, it was a man with
impeccable taste!
126
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,720
What colour is it?
127
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:06,760
It's white!
128
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,360
I don't think it is.
129
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,120
It looks like it's been actually
painted with a brush.
130
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,440
- It has been. - It's not been sprayed,
that's been painted.
131
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,640
Did you not hear it, though,
the sound of it coming in?
132
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,320
I heard the horn. Did you hear
the horn?! It was like Noddy's car!
133
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,400
It's because the exhaust
has fallen off, Fred.
134
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,840
Have you seen the exhaust?
That's not all together...
135
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,000
Even this.
136
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,240
Even the badges.
137
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,240
It's got a 3.0 litre V6.
138
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,320
- How much power? - 3 litre V6...
- How much power?
139
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,560
It's got to right up there.
140
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,040
How much?
141
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,160
140.
142
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:36,280
CHRIS LAUGHS
143
00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:37,480
Man alive!
144
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,840
- What's that? Look at that. - Now...
145
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,360
- Wow. - Look at.
146
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,760
Well, I can do that on yours, look.
147
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,440
Oh... See?
148
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,880
- How've you managed break that
straight away? - I don't know!
149
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,440
How've you managed break it? You've
literally only just touched the car
150
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,480
- and you've already broken it!
- What quality!
151
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,280
You are just such an arse.
152
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:56,240
- It's come off! - Get out!
153
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:57,400
Who's this guy?
154
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,680
Thank you.
155
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,240
"Congratulations!
156
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:07,120
"You will now go on
a summer road trip
157
00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,200
"to the Essex Coast."
158
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,200
Holidays! Yes.
159
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,280
Down to the Sugar Hut, boys!
160
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,560
Follow me!
161
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,080
Let's get some candyfloss.
162
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,400
Some things just look right.
163
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,520
James Bond wearing a dinner suit,
164
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,600
Winston Churchill smoking
a great, big, fat cigar.
165
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,880
Add to that list Paddy McGuinness
driving a clapped-out
166
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,520
Escort convertible in Bognor Regis.
167
00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,920
It just looks right.
168
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,960
# Tell me when will you be mine
169
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,080
Got myself me candyfloss.
170
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,280
Oh, ho!
171
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:55,040
♪ Tell me
quando, quando, quando... ♪
172
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,240
Man, sun's shining. Oh!
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00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,280
CAR HORN TOOTS
174
00:07:58,280 --> 00:07:59,320
You all right?
175
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,840
The LeBaron, on the other hand,
didn't look right at all.
176
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,400
This is like a workout.
177
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,760
Get round, get round, get round.
178
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,520
Just wait at the side, mate,
I'm probably going to bump the kerb.
179
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,560
Oh! Thank you.
180
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,600
Paddy, first failure
for the Chrysler LeBaron.
181
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:21,840
I can hear you laughing.
182
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:23,200
You've got your roof down!
183
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,480
CHRIS LAUGHS
184
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:30,400
So 450 quid doesn't buy you
working power steering.
185
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,560
Doesn't matter.
186
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:35,920
The point is the LeBaron
is bang on brief.
187
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,640
Holidays, think about it.
What do you do?
188
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,080
You go somewhere
you've never been before.
189
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,000
You wear clothes that you would
never dream of wearing.
190
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,680
You eat food you've never tried.
191
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:48,200
And that's the idea behind this.
192
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,040
It's a break from the norm.
193
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,920
I want to experience something new.
194
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:55,160
Otherwise, I'd just sit home
and watch Cash In The Attic.
195
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:01,040
I tell you what, you surprised us
all with another Escort, Paddy.
196
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,920
Hey up, roundabout, here we go!
197
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,480
Hang on, I'm going to put
me mic down.
198
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,080
HIGH-PITCHED WHINE
199
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,360
THEY LAUGH
200
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,360
You know, the thing with Escorts
for me is...
201
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,200
..it's like your first love.
202
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,600
You know, you never forget them.
203
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,040
You're always wondering
what they're up to.
204
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,080
And it's nice just to be
back inside.
205
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,600
That's sounds wrong. I get that.
206
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:24,840
But you know what I mean.
207
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,840
I know it's not the world's
best cabriolet, this.
208
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:34,200
It's not even Europe's best
cabriolet, it's not even...
209
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,920
..the UK's best cabriolet.
210
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,640
But...
211
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,480
..£500.
212
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,600
I'm out and about,
it's driving well.
213
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,960
There's a few little
electrical glitches.
214
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,360
The headlights are staying on
for some reason, but...
215
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:49,960
Other than that,
216
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,920
life's good, it's a bargain,
this car.
217
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:54,200
Fine.
218
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,120
But if the Calypso is a bargain,
219
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,480
then in the world of
cheap convertibles,
220
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:01,080
the SLK is an absolute steal.
221
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,680
Those two clowns there
have got coupes
222
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,880
that had their roofs chopped off.
223
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,320
That's why I don't like
convertibles normally.
224
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:15,840
If you take the roof off a car
you fundamentally ruin it.
225
00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,680
They wobble about and shake.
226
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:22,320
But the SLK, you see,
was built to be a convertible.
227
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:26,080
So it's got structure in the floor
that means it feels quite tight.
228
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:32,120
Feels rigid, rigid as a Stuttgart
designer's pencil, this thing.
229
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:36,160
An hour into our drive and life
with our bargain convertibles
230
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,960
was going very nicely.
231
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,720
Oh, my word. The steering wheel's
all over the place.
232
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:46,520
Better still, we've been told to
head to a local race circuit
233
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,560
for our first holiday outing -
a track day.
234
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,880
Look at this!
235
00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:01,280
Boys, there seems to be
a load of tractors and coaches
236
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:04,240
and Winnebagos and...
there's a Morgan up there.
237
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,840
What is this all about, then?
238
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:16,320
Challenge - time to find out how
your summer holiday convertibles
239
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:19,280
handle traditional
summer holiday traffic.
240
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:23,240
Last to be overtaken by
the Stig wins.
241
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:26,240
- So this is a race, is it, now?
- Where's the Stig?
242
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,200
TYRES SQUEAL
243
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,160
Five litre, very nice.
244
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,040
So much for the track day.
245
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,000
The circuit had been littered
with summer holiday roadworks,
246
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,560
stuffed full of summer holiday
traffic.
247
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:51,800
Can you get track day tyres
for a combine harvester?
248
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:55,040
And we'd now have to get as far away
as we could from the Stig
249
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,320
before he sets off to hunt us down
250
00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,400
in the ultimate
summer holiday convertible.
251
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,040
A V8 Ford Mustang.
252
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,320
Let's do this! We're off!
253
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,200
Here goes.
254
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,080
Right, McGuinness.
255
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,280
No!
256
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,280
Jesus Christ, the combine harvester
was a bit close!
257
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,640
Oh, my God, what is going on here?
258
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,480
Oh, no. My candyfloss!
259
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,200
Look at the steering wheel,
look at it moving!
260
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,400
Oh, my word. This is bonkers.
261
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,760
Argh! Duh, duh, duh, duh!
You say there!
262
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,400
This is going to be tricky.
Nibble that.
263
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,240
That'll do.
264
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:40,840
Jeez, this is awful!
265
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,280
Steering's... Oh, BLEEP!
266
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:50,000
Oh, me tyre's gone!
Me tyre's gone!
267
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:53,800
I'm out! I'm out already! Argh!
268
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,480
I can't see Flintoff.
269
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,320
Flintoff's not even made it
round the first lap!
270
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,600
- Bloody hell! - Where's the Stig?
271
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,600
ENGINE ROARS
272
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,480
Stig, yeah. Go on, son.
273
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,200
This is lively.
274
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,080
Argh! Can't get past that caravan...
275
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,920
Oh, no! He's here!
He's right behind me!
276
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,920
Oh! The Volkswagen camper stops him!
277
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,960
Out the way!
HORN BLARES
278
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,200
Get out the bloody way!
279
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,440
Come on. Come on!
280
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,920
Oh, no!
281
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,120
No!
282
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,720
Piss!
283
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,640
Stig's not catching me.
284
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:12,040
No! No, no, no, no, no, no!
285
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,800
Ahh!
286
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,680
Ah-hah!
287
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:24,200
He's got me but it's a win.
288
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,440
You were brilliant.
289
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,240
There was no way on God's green
Earth we were catching you in that,
290
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,640
no way.
291
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,000
I mean, a lot of that's
down to the driver.
292
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,160
Is it f...
293
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,200
First blood to the Mercedes,
then.
294
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,960
But back on the road with
a shiny new tyre,
295
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:55,200
Flintoff had finally found something
on the McLaren to show off.
296
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,080
You ready? You ready?
297
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,080
LAUGHS
298
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,440
They are magnificent!
299
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:04,560
Hey, you don't get that
in your Merkie, do you?
300
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,640
That is without a doubt
the crappest headlight solution
301
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,720
I've ever seen.
302
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,360
Oh, it's a joy.
303
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:16,520
We'd been told to head 20 miles
up the road for another holiday
304
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:20,320
convertible test,
which gave us just enough time
305
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,760
for an important debate.
306
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,520
Seaside holiday confection.
307
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:31,480
You've got to have candyfloss,
rock or 99/Mr Whippy.
308
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,880
Ice cream, every day of the week.
309
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:39,040
Totally agree. For me, a Mr Whippy
is one of the great treats of life.
310
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:43,720
Yeah. But it's not necessarily
a seaside holiday treat, is it?
311
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,520
You can have it any time.
312
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,920
What's more seasidey
than a Mr Whippy?
313
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,160
It's not seasidey.
It just happens to be ice cream.
314
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,880
Candyfloss is seasidey.
315
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,480
Those big pink dummies are seasidey.
316
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,480
"Kiss me quick" hats are seasidey.
317
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:02,480
Invisible dog leads are seasidey,
sugar doughnuts are seasidey.
318
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:07,400
Mr Whippy can just
drive down your street in his van.
319
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,080
Unbelievable.
320
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:16,920
But Mr Whippy would have to wait,
because we'd reached our next test.
321
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,920
Are we going off-road here, lads,
or what? What's going on?
322
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,000
Well, we're not going round there.
323
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,000
It's a motocross track!
324
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,560
Another challenge. Thank you, boss.
325
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,760
It's obviously got words
more than one syllable.
326
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,240
That's why I'm reading it.
327
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,400
Driving in summer
is a sweaty business.
328
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:43,840
In high temperatures,
329
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:47,680
the average human produces
more than 10 litres of sweat a day.
330
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,800
To see how your cars cope with this
sort of output, they're now
331
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:57,160
being rigged with a dispenser of low
friction synthetic sweat substitute.
332
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,840
Fastest lap wins. Don't slide off.
333
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,240
Synthetic sweat substitute.
334
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:11,000
Yes. To test how our convertibles
handled sweaty conditions,
335
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,520
apparently, we'd each have to do
a timed lap of a twisty,
336
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,480
undulating motocross track
337
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:20,840
while being liberally sprayed
with a friction reducing liquid.
338
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:25,080
Sounds like lube to me, this, lads.
339
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,520
Two words I don't like -
lube and moist.
340
00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,480
It's good news for you, Paddy,
341
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,400
because the lube is
to simulate being moist.
342
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,000
HE GIGGLES
343
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,800
And in better news,
McGuinness was up first.
344
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,680
This is not going to end well.
345
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,760
- Here he is. - All right, Paddy.
Looking good in the Escort.
346
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,440
- Can I make a request? - Go on.
- Can Harris do the timer?
347
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,120
I don't trust Flintoff.
348
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:52,640
- I take that as a personal insult.
- Yeah. But you know I'm right.
349
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,880
- HE LAUGHS
- He was starting you on five seconds!
350
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,000
Yeah, exactly. Exactly!
351
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,480
- You ready, Paddy?
- ENGINE REVS
352
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:05,920
Three, two, one...
353
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,200
Go!
354
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,720
Here we go!
355
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,960
I can't see!
356
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,240
THEY ROAR WITH LAUGHTER
357
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,160
Oh, my God!
358
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:32,880
Tell you what - that is a lucky
escape, McGuinness.
359
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,360
THEY LAUGH
Look at that!
360
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,000
I'll tell you what, Paddy,
361
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,200
you've thrown the gauntlet down
there, ain't you?
362
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,400
Do think we can beat him, Chris?
363
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,360
With a target of 42 yards to beat...
364
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,920
..it was time for the Merc
to show how it's done.
365
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,440
- What are you doing? - We just have
to test if it's on your face.
366
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,440
- Can we just give it a test now,
lads? - No!
367
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,040
- Yay! That's the one.
- That's the ticket. - Yeah.
368
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,080
- That works. - That works.
369
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,920
ENGINE REVS
370
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,440
Three, two, one, go!
371
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,280
HE SPLUTTERS
Oh, that's right in the mouth!
372
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,320
I've been hit!
373
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,520
Ah! This is repugnant!
374
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,160
See, the thing is, he's got
the ideal car for this, really.
375
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,560
- You would think so.
- This is horrendous.
376
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,400
I can't hold the wheel.
377
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,240
- Argh! - Didn't sound healthy, that.
378
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,480
- Argh! - This is it - big finish.
379
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,120
HE GROANS
380
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,160
- Oh! - Oh, nice.
381
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,440
You can stop that now.
382
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,680
- All right, David Seaman.
- Look at the state of you.
383
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,320
- How was that? - What did you expect?
384
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,360
You've just thrown 15 litres
of lube at me.
385
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:54,040
I've got a little bit
on my T-shirt myself.
386
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,880
A little bit on your T-shirt.
387
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,480
- Look at me! - Do you want to tell
him his time, Pad? - Yeah.
388
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,320
145.57.
389
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,280
What? Why are you speaking like
a four-year-old
390
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:03,400
that's learning numbers?
391
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,160
- 145... - 57. - I got it.
392
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,880
While Harris went off
to find the Kleenex,
393
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,960
next up it was Flintoff's run.
394
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,240
And given his previous record
of crashing,
395
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,920
the producers had taken
the sensible precaution
396
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:23,000
of fitting some additional
low key rollover protection.
397
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,000
- Did you tell him about the roll bar?
- Yeah, I did.
398
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,760
Specialist bell end one.
399
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,520
It's a terrible motor vehicle,
isn't it?
400
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,320
- METALLIC CRUNCH
- That wasn't a good start, was it?
401
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,080
Right.
402
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,320
Three, two, one, go.
403
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,240
HE GROANS AND SPLUTTERS
404
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,400
This is just horrendous!
405
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,480
- Ow! Ow! Struggling now.
Oh, he can't get up the hill. - Ha-ha!
406
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,880
Oh, my word. Come on.
407
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,400
Come on.
408
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,880
- Get round, get round.
- LIQUID HISS
409
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,320
Ugh! It's making noises now!
It's like a spitting cobra!
410
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,560
I cannot believe it's going
to be so close.
411
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,840
Here we go, here we go! I'm going to
beat Harris, get over the line!
412
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,960
THEY LAUGH
413
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:12,880
Tell me the good news!
Please, give me some good news.
414
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,840
Well, the good news is you look
very good with your T-shirt,
415
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:19,080
- like a Chippendale. - Ugh!
- HARRIS LAUGHS
416
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,320
Oiled up. 148.12.
417
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,320
- Oh, is it just...
- Only three seconds behind!
418
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,760
When you come over there, I thought,
"He's going to do it."
419
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,440
If you'd taken that hill up there
a bit quicker, you could have won.
420
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,160
Look at this.
421
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,200
HE IMITATES STRIPPING SONG
422
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,240
Put the slow-mo on!
423
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,160
We've decided - little conflab -
424
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,400
- that we've been absolutely nailed
here... - Oh, hold on.
425
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,280
..and you've somehow
got away scot free.
426
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:43,920
Well I'm happy with last place.
427
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,840
- You're not. I can tell by your face.
- Not an option really, is it?
428
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,400
No, it wasn't.
429
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:52,080
And with Harris nobly risking his
winning time for the greater good,
430
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:56,440
we fished the Calypso back to
the start line and McGuinness
431
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,040
got ready for another shot at glory.
432
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,680
LIQUID HISS
433
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:04,440
- Hey! - I've not started!
- Three, two, one, go!
434
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,160
Dickheads!
435
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,240
MUSIC: Paranoid
by Black Sabbath
436
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,560
HE SPLUTTERS
437
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,800
Look at the face here, look at him!
438
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,440
HE IMITATES PADDY
439
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,480
It's in my eye!
440
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,880
He's got a face that suits
having lube jetted into it.
441
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,440
Don't you think?
442
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:31,960
I can't hold the bloody wheel!
443
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,320
Where's my candyfloss?
444
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,200
Candyfloss for purchase!
445
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,280
- He's going for it this time. - He is.
446
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:46,240
- I think he's going too hard.
- It's going to be tight, this, Chris.
447
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:49,200
- It's going to be really tight.
- It's going to be unbearable.
448
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,600
THEY LAUGH
449
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:57,920
That's a big jump!
450
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,200
- That was impressive. - That was good.
451
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,680
- What's the time?
- You did it in one minute...
452
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,240
..36.59.
453
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,120
Yes!
454
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,920
Let me get out of this car!
455
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,080
- It's his second go!
- I can't deal with this.
456
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,960
# Oh, we do like to be
beside the seaside
457
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:25,600
♪ Oh, we do like to be
beside the sea... ♪
458
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
459
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:37,160
Hey? Let me tell you,
460
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,680
THAT is how you drive a Calypso
covered in lube.
461
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,080
It's not really something
to be proud of, is it?
462
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,600
- Where do you even get that much
lube? - Now, I know this. - Yeah?
463
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,640
This was agricultural lubricant.
464
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,240
What? Farmers use it.
465
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,040
The dirty dogs.
466
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:57,120
- Lube for cows. Really?
Is that right? - Yes.
467
00:23:57,120 --> 00:24:01,320
- I can still taste it.
- Anyhow, moving on.
468
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,480
We'll get back to that film
later in the show,
469
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,640
when things get
even less dignified.
470
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,960
But first, you're in for a treat,
everybody.
471
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,040
It's Mr Harris and a review.
472
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:11,880
- Go on, Chris. - Go on, Chris!
APPLAUSE
473
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,840
You'll know this car.
474
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,520
The Ariel Atom.
475
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:19,600
This first turned up 20 years ago
476
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,760
and it's been constantly revised
and upgraded ever since.
477
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:26,920
But now there's an all new Atom,
which, according to Ariel,
478
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,360
is entirely, totally different.
479
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,680
Here it is - the Atom 4.
480
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:46,200
A new from-the-ground-up design that
looks completely and utterly...
481
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,040
..exactly the same as before.
482
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:56,600
It's identical, but genuinely,
this is an all-new car.
483
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,160
The only bits carried over
from the old Atom -
484
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,760
brake pedal, clutch pedal,
fuel filler cap.
485
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:06,080
That's your lot. Everything else -
shiny new, apparently.
486
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,280
But get behind the wheel
and you'll quickly discover
487
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,320
the changes are significant.
488
00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:18,080
It has to be said, at first glance,
they're also a bit worrying.
489
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,120
They call this the most
usable Atom yet.
490
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:24,800
There's more room for your elbows,
for your legs, your feet.
491
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,920
They've given it
more supple suspension,
492
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,760
so it's more comfortable
at low speeds.
493
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:34,000
You can even dull the engine down
for more relaxed driving.
494
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,760
Relaxed driving? If you want to
do relaxed driving,
495
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,560
you don't buy a car
without a windscreen, doors,
496
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:43,000
in fact, any body work whatsoever.
497
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,680
If you want comfort,
go and buy a travel pillow.
498
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:53,080
There is one important change,
though, that's far more welcome.
499
00:25:57,120 --> 00:26:00,240
Behind me is a new engine
taken from the Honda Civic
500
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,080
type R hot hatchback...
501
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,440
..which, when you wind the dial
back to where it should be,
502
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,800
makes 320 horsepower.
503
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,920
ENGINE PURRS
504
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:18,640
And which, when you put your foot
down, helps the Atom do this.
505
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,280
0-60 takes 2.8 seconds.
506
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,280
2.8!
507
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,840
That's the 100 up
in under 7 seconds.
508
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,120
It's time-bendingly fast.
509
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:45,040
You get to the end of a straight
510
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,680
slightly younger
than when you started.
511
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:05,120
That gets the heart going
like a triple espresso
512
00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,320
with a defibrillator chaser.
513
00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:19,840
Not that Atoms have ever struggled
to get the ticker ticking.
514
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,400
What they have sometimes
struggled with
515
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,680
is the whole going round corners
thing.
516
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:32,120
The old Atom used to understeer
at the first sniff of a corner.
517
00:27:32,120 --> 00:27:34,440
Not this one.
518
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,040
I'm not understeering,
I'm cornering.
519
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,520
And I know exactly what
the front wheels are doing now.
520
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:49,480
I see the suspension arms moving.
521
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:52,680
It's all naked.
522
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,480
On display.
523
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,840
It's proud of its components.
524
00:27:57,840 --> 00:27:59,680
I love that.
525
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:07,000
And when you've had enough of
nimbly carving up corners...
526
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,760
..the Atom will happily play
the delinquent too.
527
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:12,600
MUSIC: Ace Of Spades
by Motorhead
528
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:17,680
Whoa!
529
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,880
Couldn't do that in an old Atom.
530
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,080
# If you like to gamble
I tell you I'm your man
531
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,760
♪ You win some, lose some
All the same to me... ♪
532
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:27,720
Just the most raw experience.
533
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:32,720
Everything's flying at you - the
scenery, the insects, the stones.
534
00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:38,280
Same engine as a Civic Type R,
remember.
535
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,080
This thing weighs under 600kg.
536
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:42,840
That's less than a Formula 1 car!
537
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:47,320
Whoa!
538
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:50,880
It's a frothing lunatic!
539
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,800
Can't get enough of it -
it's so extreme.
540
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:06,960
The new Atom, then, really is
an incredible thing to drive.
541
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:10,880
But what's less clear
542
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:14,560
is if it's something
you'd actually want to own.
543
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,440
Brilliant though it is,
544
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:19,960
this is a car that does say
something about its driver.
545
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,640
Specifically "crippling midlife
crisis" and, just below that,
546
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:28,480
"I was too scared
to buy a motorcycle."
547
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,200
Then, there's the price.
548
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,400
The Atom starts at around 40 grand,
549
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,640
which does seem like an awful lot
of money for a pile of ironmongery
550
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:43,360
with a Honda engine behind you
and no floor mats.
551
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,440
But look at it another way.
552
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:51,120
This is a car that will annihilate
any supercar on the right road.
553
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:58,000
You just can't go faster
for the cash.
554
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:03,800
In truth, it's a bit of a bargain.
555
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,040
But it's also more than that.
556
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:09,160
It's life affirming.
557
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:14,040
Honestly, if the state of
the world's ever getting you down,
558
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:17,520
forget, meditation,
forget digital detox,
559
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:21,520
a quick spin in one of these
will sort you right out.
560
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,240
APPLAUSE
561
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:40,880
- Just a great little car. - Is it?
- Oh, love it! - Wow.
562
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:46,760
And I've got to say,
life coaching by Chris Harris -
563
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:48,640
I never thought I'd see the day.
564
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,120
Now, we need to find out how fast
the Ariel Atom 4
565
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:52,960
went round our test track.
566
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,400
What do you reckon, Chris,
where are we looking on the board?
567
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,680
Come on. It was cold
and it was damp.
568
00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:00,280
Those tyres don't work in those
conditions. I think mid-table.
569
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:03,440
Otherwise, it would be right up
here. But I'm thinking here.
570
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,280
Well, earlier today, we sent
the Stig out in the Ariel Atom.
571
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,440
You can see the lap online,
572
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:12,720
- but I can tell you
the Ariel Atom 4... - In there.
573
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:15,360
- You reckon? The old one is here
- 1.15? - In there.
574
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:16,880
Got to be around here, hasn't it?
575
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:18,720
Lads, lads. It's a surprise.
576
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,720
He went round in one minute...
577
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:26,840
- ..20... - What? - ..5...
- What? - ..3.
578
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,960
- No way! - Chris, you can do that.
It's down there. Go on.
579
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:31,480
What? That's sizeist.
580
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:35,560
- That is unb... No-one expected
that. - Are you surprised, Chris?
581
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:37,360
I am. But the weather was terrible.
582
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:41,120
Look, these tyres don't work
sub five degrees. It's wet.
583
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,720
I think that's unfair. Can we have
it back in the summer, please?
584
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:45,960
- I think we should. - Do you
want it back in the summer?
585
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:47,760
ALL: Yes. Let's get it back
in the summer.
586
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:50,920
Now it's time to get back to our
cheap convertible summer holiday
587
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:55,280
where things are about to go from
proper slippery to proper painful.
588
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:56,960
Fore!
589
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:06,240
Feels good to be back out
on the open road, boys.
590
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:10,920
What a day. What a day.
591
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,040
Oh.
592
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,120
Oh, I've cut out.
593
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:18,680
Yeah, we've cut out.
594
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,840
Lads, I've cut out.
595
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,520
Man, takes me back to Ethiopia,
this.
596
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:34,320
Again, I was in an Escort,
again, I was towing Flintoff.
597
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,160
Nothing changes, does it?
Nothing changes.
598
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:40,680
Not again.
599
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:45,200
Dear me. It really is Dumb
leading Dumber, isn't it?
600
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,080
Look at them.
601
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,080
ROPE PINGS
602
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:55,280
90 miles into our journey and with
the LeBaron now cooling off
603
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,960
after its second breakdown
of the trip, it's fair to say
604
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,520
we were starting to narrow down
who had really bought
605
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,360
the best cheap convertible.
606
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,480
I don't know who I'm kidding.
It's awful, isn't it?
607
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:07,400
It's an awful, awful car.
608
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:13,080
And soon we arrived at
our next summer holiday activity.
609
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,240
To narrow it down some more.
610
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,960
- Look at this!
- What is it we're actually doing?
611
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:21,760
We're not playing cricket, are we?
612
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:25,000
It's a golf driving range, Paddy.
Cheers, mate. Challenge.
613
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,040
"Time to test the agility
of your convertibles.
614
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,920
"Roof down, you will now attempt
to catch as many golf balls
615
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,200
"as you can in your cockpits."
616
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:37,080
Hang on a minute.
617
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:40,920
So we're driving round and
they're hitting balls into our car.
618
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,040
Have you ever been hit
by a golf ball?
619
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:44,680
I have. It really hurts.
620
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:49,200
Luckily, the producers had thought
of this and laid on
621
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,840
some specialist protective gear.
622
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:53,720
- Of sorts. - Lads?
623
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:56,600
What? Was there a sale on
at Sports Direct?
624
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,480
- Have you come as the Honey Monster?
- It's a hockey kit, isn't it?
625
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,720
- What's under the jumper? - This is
what I was like when I was 20.
626
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:04,840
HE LAUGHS
627
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,480
We'd each have two minutes
out on the range
628
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:09,280
in front of 25 keen golfers,
629
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:12,800
with the most balls in the cockpit
at the end making for the most
630
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:14,880
agile convertible, obviously.
631
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,040
OK, Freddie. Here we go.
632
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:22,760
- Three, two, one...
- KLAXON SOUNDS
633
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:25,320
I'm off.
634
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:27,160
Come on. Come on.
635
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,680
Where are they hitting them?
I can't see!
636
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:33,880
Here he comes. This is it now.
637
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:36,240
We can absolutely pepper him!
638
00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:38,640
Smash him!
639
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,320
- BALLS PING
- Argh! Oh, my!
640
00:34:45,240 --> 00:34:48,520
BLEEP! Right past my nose!
641
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,920
- Wey! - Oh, this is good now.
642
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:52,720
Aim for his teeth.
643
00:34:52,720 --> 00:34:54,920
Yay!
644
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,240
- HE LAUGHS
- Oh, my head!
645
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,880
- KLAXON SOUNDS
- That was immense fun. - Enjoyed that.
646
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:05,440
Smashing golf balls at Freddie
Flintoff should be a sport.
647
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,440
What a time to be alive.
648
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,480
Oh, love that.
649
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:11,600
Windscreen's cracked. That's nice.
650
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:13,800
She's a bit peppered, Fred.
651
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:15,600
Yeah. Not many went in.
652
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:17,720
- How many do you think went in?
- Eight?
653
00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:23,080
- Very close. - How many? - Nine. - Nine.
- Nine. - Ten.
654
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,080
- You even missed there.
- I know. I'm sorry.
655
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,360
Still, with a target of nine
to beat,
656
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,600
McGuinness went next
to get suited and booted.
657
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:35,080
- SUIT CLANKS
- What the hell is that noise?
658
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:36,520
All right?
659
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:40,120
- You all right, Pad? - Not really.
660
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,760
Does it work? Yeah.
661
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:45,120
How are you going to drive
with those shoes on?
662
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:47,160
Let me tell you one thing.
663
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,440
Wait till you see what you've got
to put on. Do your worst.
664
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:53,560
- Ten balls to take the lead.
- KLAXON SOUNDS
665
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,560
- Time for some payback.
- Go on!
666
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,720
GLASS SHATTERS
What the bloody hell?
667
00:35:58,720 --> 00:36:00,400
Oh, his window's gone.
668
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,600
King Arthur's here, and he ain't
taking no BLEEP!
669
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:08,080
Come on, then!
670
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,560
Want to get that windscreen.
671
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,880
My windscreen, my windscreen,
you tools!
672
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:18,880
Oh, got one in! Damn!
673
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,960
Oh, my God.
HE LAUGHS
674
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,400
Jesus! What the bloody hell?
675
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:29,840
METAL CLATTERS
676
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,160
- Oh! Oh! - Tosspot!
KLAXON SOUNDS
677
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,920
That made me ears ring!
678
00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:37,640
Right. Scores on the doors.
How many do you think?
679
00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,880
Well, I can see... Oh!
THEY LAUGH
680
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,480
I can see four in the front.
681
00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:45,720
- 38. - Shut up! - Yes.
682
00:36:45,720 --> 00:36:47,520
- 38? - King Arthur...
683
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,440
..is out of here.
684
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,400
Paddy's battered Calypso
was in the lead
685
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:03,080
and with the day drawing to a close,
the pressure was now all on Harris.
686
00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:07,520
Oh, lovely. Lovely shot.
687
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:10,200
Oh, here he is! Look at this lad!
688
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,440
HE LAUGHS
689
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:17,840
I tell you what, Chris.
Have your arms grown?
690
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,240
Where does your head come to
on this?
691
00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:22,600
Right. Can we get this done
as soon as possible?
692
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,160
- Go and get yourself in the car.
- Just go and get in the car, Chris.
693
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,640
Get in the car, Chris!
694
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:32,840
So, 39 balls and the tiny T-Rex
wins it.
695
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:36,200
- Three, two, one...
- KLAXON SOUNDS
696
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:41,960
- Here he comes. - Come on, then. - Right.
I've got my own strategy here, boys.
697
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,720
First of all, demonstrate the...
Jesus Christ!
698
00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:47,200
- BALLS PING
- Whoa, can't see where I'm going.
699
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,280
Right, so my strategy is to
demonstrate the agility of...
700
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,080
- BALL SMACKS
- Christ!
701
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,400
- Whoa! - Oh, right in his face!
702
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:58,160
I'm deflating. I've deflated.
703
00:37:58,160 --> 00:37:59,640
- BALLS PING
- Whoa!
704
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:04,400
- Argh! - I think the dinosaur's popped!
705
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:08,200
This is like a really
budget version of Jurassic Park.
706
00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:12,520
- GLASS SHATTERS
- Whoa, that was my side window gone.
707
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:14,360
I can't even see you. Wave.
708
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,840
- Ow! - Oh, nearly took his lamps out.
709
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:22,680
Right, OK. Now, strategy is -
park up and let them fire in.
710
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,280
Come on, fill it up.
711
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,520
This is... BLEEP!
712
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:28,440
- BALLS SMACKS
- Ow!
713
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:32,880
Whatever Harris's strategy was,
it looked like it was working.
714
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:34,920
- Whoa! - Go on!
715
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:38,800
- Ow! - Just a bit too well.
HE SHOUTS
716
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,080
Right. Making a break for it.
717
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,240
What's he doing?
718
00:38:44,240 --> 00:38:46,840
- You missed me!
- Oh, he's having it now!
719
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:52,640
Go on, run! Run, dinosaur. Run!
720
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,400
Get in!
721
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:58,840
I can't hit them quick enough!
I can't hit them quick enough!
722
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,400
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
723
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:03,440
- BALL SMACKS
- Ow!
724
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,520
All right, Chris? How was that for
you?
725
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,320
What's the scores on the doors,
please?
726
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:13,760
- You had 38 to beat, that Paddy had.
- Go on.
727
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:15,800
- I can tell you, Chris...
- Give me the good news.
728
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,040
Well, it's not bad news. You got 16.
729
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:22,000
So I had half the size of cabin
therefore, if your ratio it, I won.
730
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,160
What's he shouting at?
No, you didn't win.
731
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:26,160
- No, I did... - I got double that.
732
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:28,560
Yeah, but you've got a four seater,
I've got a two seater...
733
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:30,600
You got out the car,
made more room...
734
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:37,200
So, not only is the Calypso the best
convertible in sweaty conditions,
735
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,840
it's also the most agile.
736
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:46,720
Yet we couldn't help but reflect
that, as summer road trips go,
737
00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:50,840
this one had been
unnecessarily harsh on our cars.
738
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:52,640
Look at this.
739
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:57,360
No windows there, no windows there,
no windscreen, no nothing.
740
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:04,400
Now we were finally approaching
the Essex coast.
741
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,640
And as a reward for
all our hard work...
742
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:08,720
BUZZING
It's a ladybird.
743
00:40:08,720 --> 00:40:13,480
..we'd been told to head
to a picturesque island
744
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:15,720
for a relaxing overnight stay.
745
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:25,400
- What is this? - Challenge!
746
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:29,080
Don't worry, lads, I'll get it.
You stay there.
747
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,080
Jesus!
748
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:37,600
"We forgot to mention
your accommodation is on
749
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,560
"the other side of the causeway."
750
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,320
- That's the causeway.
- No, that's the sea.
751
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,320
"The tide's coming in.
752
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,440
"Last to arrive is the winner."
753
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,280
Last to arrive is the winner.
754
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,840
So this...
I think this is a test of nerve.
755
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,320
This brings me back into the game,
lads.
756
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,120
Two talkers, one thinker.
757
00:40:57,120 --> 00:40:59,440
What, you reckon you're going
to wait me out?
758
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,040
Did you say wet me out?
759
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:02,720
- Wait. - Wait.
760
00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:05,840
Wet me out is a whole different
kettle of fish, I think, Chris.
761
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,160
That's come in quite a bit now,
that.
762
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,000
- Are you going? - See you
on the other side, boys.
763
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,800
See you, Paddy.
764
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:36,960
HE CLUCKS
765
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:38,760
Clowns. Absolute clowns.
766
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,320
Look at them!
It's already deep as it is.
767
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,880
- I think it's got quite deep
quite quick, that. - Same here.
768
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,200
Who do you reckon's
got the best off road vehicle?
769
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:51,440
- Mine's very low.
- It's got to be that, I reckon.
770
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,240
This is deep up here.
This is dee...
771
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:02,040
- They've not even set off!
- You're itching to go, aren't you?
772
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,040
You're itching!
Chris is giving in!
773
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,040
- Well, it's not about... - Ah, ah, ah!
774
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,360
Well, we're going to see now,
aren't we?
775
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:11,400
What in the name of god?
776
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,440
HE YELLS
777
00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,800
Oh. Oh, my word.
778
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:23,320
I'm going.
779
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,360
Ah, he's gone. See you, Chris!
780
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,280
Go on, then.
781
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:34,600
I've gambled. This is
my only shot at glory.
782
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,320
Go on! Argh!
783
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,600
She's dying on me. Come on, Calypso!
784
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:45,480
Come on. Come on.
785
00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:49,400
I mean, that doesn't look
good to me, does it?
786
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,800
Lock it in first,
get a bow wave going.
787
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,840
I've died straight away.
788
00:43:03,240 --> 00:43:05,280
Come on, Chris.
789
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:10,160
- You...
- CRUNCH
790
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,560
CHRIS LAUGHS
791
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,040
He's pushing me! Fred's pushing me!
792
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:20,120
- Come on, LeBaron! - Come on, LeBaron!
793
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:24,120
Just when you needed it,
he steps up, Harris!
794
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:27,320
It's pushing the Merc!
795
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:30,040
Come on, baby! Come on!
796
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:33,080
Yes. Go on. Come on, dig in. Dig in!
797
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:34,920
Dig in, let's go.
798
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,520
Oh, it's getting deeper.
799
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:40,360
Oh, God. There's a lot of water
in here.
800
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:42,720
Come on, Harris. Put your foot down.
Use your foot.
801
00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:44,480
My engine's cut out!
802
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:47,080
- What? I'm just pushing you? - Yeah.
803
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,440
Keep going, keep going, baby.
804
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:53,240
Keep going. Keep going, baby.
805
00:43:53,240 --> 00:43:55,160
So near!
806
00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:58,600
Looks like we're doing it!
We're doing it!
807
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,560
Come on, LeBaron!
808
00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:03,640
What a car this is, Chris!
What a car!
809
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:05,720
Everyone doubted LeBaron.
810
00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:08,800
I could have got a Saab,
I could have got an Audi TT...
811
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:11,000
CRUNCHING
812
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:13,320
ENGINE STUTTERS
813
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:19,120
Harris, you absolute weapon!
814
00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:24,800
Come on, we're nearly there!
We're nearly there!
815
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,360
Please, go on. Go on.
816
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:30,080
No, keep going, girl.
Keep going. Please don't...
817
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,200
Yes!
818
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,640
Oh, my God! I'm over.
819
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:45,400
Yes! Woo!
820
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:48,600
Come on!
821
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:50,600
Come on!
822
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:54,320
This is your fault, Harris.
823
00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:59,400
I'm on dry land, I'm on terra firma.
824
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:01,320
Come on, Calypso!
825
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:04,440
Woohoo!
826
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:10,160
Chris, is that you I can see
in the middle of the sea?
827
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:12,480
- Wahey!
- HE LAUGHS
828
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:27,240
Jesus wept.
What are they doing?
829
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,520
HE LAUGHS
830
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:33,560
I'm stuck! I'm stuck!
831
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:38,680
I feel like I'm... You know, like,
a teacher in charge of a creche?
832
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:40,360
THEY LAUGH
833
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:43,960
That's exactly what it feels like.
834
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:50,600
But the creche is full of
middle-aged bell ends.
835
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:55,080
HE LAUGHS
836
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,360
Oh, it's in my mouth!
837
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,160
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
838
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:13,680
- Is that one of the best things
you've ever seen? - That...
839
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:16,800
Seeing Chris Harris
in that dinosaur outfit
840
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:20,720
was one of the funniest things
I've ever seen in my life.
841
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:24,320
I'll tell you what - best holiday
ever. It had everything.
842
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:27,040
Candyfloss, golf, quick dip
in the sea.
843
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,840
I've booked us in again next year,
chaps. Don't worry about that.
844
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:32,560
But the idea was to decide
who'd actually bought best.
845
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:34,880
So first of all,
you're out of the running
846
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:37,880
because this is one of
the worst cars I've ever seen.
847
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:39,960
- Do you agree?
- I'll hold my hands up.
848
00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:42,520
Buying this car was possibly
an even worse decision
849
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:44,920
than whoever made me
England cricket captain.
850
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,000
THEY LAUGH
851
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:51,160
- Terrible. - For 600 quid, boys,
the three pointed star.
852
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,320
The inventors of the motor vehicle.
853
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:56,480
- Come on. - Chris, it sank.
THEY LAUGH
854
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,560
It's a car, not a boat.
855
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:03,640
Listen. Let's face it -
this car is the star.
856
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:05,840
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Yes. Come on.
857
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:09,960
Best of British, best of British.
858
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,280
Paddy, it is the best of
a bad bunch.
859
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:15,440
But are you going to buy an Escort
for every cheap car challenge we do?
860
00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:18,120
They keep winning,
I'll keep buying 'em.
861
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:22,280
Let me tell you, you can forget
your holidays. Forget Magaluf.
862
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:25,680
If you want a proper holiday,
invest in an old Escort.
863
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:27,880
That sounds wrong, I know.
THEY LAUGH
864
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:30,720
- Move on. - I never thought I'd say
this - can I hear more from Paddy?
865
00:47:30,720 --> 00:47:32,840
No, you can't. No, you can't.
866
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:35,480
Anyway, earlier on, you remember
Chris was reviewing
867
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:39,040
the new Ariel Atom and he said
for that money, you can't go faster.
868
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:41,120
I tell you what, that is not true,
869
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:44,960
because he figured there was
a way to go even faster for less,
870
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:47,560
and stitch me right up
in the process.
871
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:57,520
So an Ariel Atom will do
0-60 in 2.8 seconds,
872
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:02,200
but you can accelerate faster
than that, and for a lot less cash.
873
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:04,400
You just need one of these.
874
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:12,800
An old Rover Metro,
yours for a few hundred quid.
875
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:16,760
Oh, and you also need one of these.
876
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:26,280
This is the Luzzone dam
in Switzerland.
877
00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:35,800
At over 540ft, it's one of
the tallest dams in the world.
878
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:39,640
You see, in freefall, for example,
when dropped from a dam,
879
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:45,200
a Rover Metro will do 0-60 in 2.7
seconds because of gravity.
880
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:48,800
But to beat the Atom,
881
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:51,240
we're not just going to chuck
a Metro off a dam.
882
00:48:51,240 --> 00:48:53,480
That would be irresponsible.
883
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:56,600
Instead, we've got a crane
and a very long piece
884
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,520
of stretchy string.
885
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,800
That's right. We're going to try
and bungee jump a car.
886
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:06,640
So what we need
is a crash test dummy.
887
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:10,440
Luckily, we've got the biggest dummy
of the lot.
888
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:13,440
Morning. Morning.
889
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:17,880
Welcome to a dam.
890
00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:19,640
I can see that.
891
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:25,440
Over 500ft, that, Fred.
892
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:27,800
- And you're expecting me... - Yeah.
893
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:30,400
- ..to go down there. - Yeah.
894
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:33,240
- There. - There. In that.
895
00:49:33,240 --> 00:49:37,240
- A Rover. Could you not
get a better car? - Oh, come on.
896
00:49:37,240 --> 00:49:40,320
You're going to go out
in a blaze of glory, Fred.
897
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:43,760
No, Chris. I'm not going to go out.
Is that the whole plan?
898
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:45,720
- Get rid of me? - First things first.
899
00:49:45,720 --> 00:49:48,200
It's a stylish way to go off a dam.
900
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:50,600
You could have filled it with water
at the bottom.
901
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:53,760
Well, that's the thing about the
dam. The water's on that side.
902
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,240
And on the other side is space.
903
00:49:56,240 --> 00:49:58,600
If I'm going to land on something,
I'd sooner it be water.
904
00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:01,680
At 125mph, water is the same as
rock, I'm led to believe.
905
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:03,880
Yeah, it's just in my head,
isn't it? That's the thing.
906
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:06,000
You mean there is something going on
in there?
907
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,800
There's a bit going on
at the minute, Chris.
908
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:09,560
- HE LAUGHS
- I'm not going to lie.
909
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:14,960
So, how have you made it safer?
910
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:18,000
We've basically strapped in
some scaffolding
911
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:21,200
and attached a massive hook
to the back of it.
912
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,600
I've personally inspected
all of the welds
913
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:25,640
and it looks kind of OK to me.
914
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:29,360
Kind of OK? So you're sending me
over 500ft and it's kind of OK?
915
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:31,080
Watch the way this folds forward.
916
00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:35,400
- That's just beautiful.
- Chris, you've done me here.
917
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,440
Imagine the write-up in the paper?
918
00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:38,560
Oh.
919
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:40,920
"Flintoff gone
in a bright red Metro.
920
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:42,960
- "Bungeeing off a dam." - I know.
921
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:45,760
And just as Ben Stokes has taken
all your other glory as well.
922
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,200
- I mean, it's getting bad, isn't it,
Fred? - Yeah.
923
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:50,440
He'll be doing this one day.
He'll be doing it.
924
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:53,600
When it dries up
and he gets injured.
925
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:56,640
- HE LAUGHS
- Jeez! We've all been there.
926
00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:00,200
At this point,
I wish I'd have done Strictly.
927
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:03,200
Clearly, Fred needed
some reassurance.
928
00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:06,560
So next, we got straight
into the safety briefing.
929
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:08,960
- Main thing, keep your hands
on the steering wheel. - Really?
930
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:10,840
- What, to steer? - Feet in there.
931
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:14,640
No. Cut a long story short,
once that gets released
932
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:16,680
and you're in freefall,
933
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:19,040
if you haven't got your hands
on the steering wheel...
934
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:22,840
- Yeah. - Right? And you're flailing
around like a rag doll,
935
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,520
he's not going to be the one that
gets his arm ripped off by a bungee.
936
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:27,360
- It's going to be you. - Oh! - All right?
937
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:29,440
No, I'm not.
It's not going to be me.
938
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:32,480
So if I hit the ground, this
helmet's going to save me, isn't it?
939
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:34,840
What you need to know is there's
nothing loose in the car.
940
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:36,560
There's nothing loose in the cage.
941
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:39,280
- Tell you what, I'm feeling a bit
loose. - Have you done this before?
942
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:40,920
Have you done a car bungee before?
943
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:44,800
I haven't done a car bungee but I've
done plenty of car crashes before.
944
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:47,720
Let's put the neck brace on. So,
this is going to be the procedure.
945
00:51:47,720 --> 00:51:51,440
- Yeah. - We're going to lift you up
in the crane,
946
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:54,640
we're going to put you into number
ones over the dam.
947
00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:57,960
Once the car comes to its final
resting position,
948
00:51:57,960 --> 00:51:59,680
we've got a radio in the car.
949
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:01,920
You'll hear me say,
"Is everything all right, Fred?"
950
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:05,160
- That's when I want a thumbs up
from you. - Yeah. - Right.
951
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:08,920
No thumbs up from you,
we're going to safely lower the car
952
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:11,840
and myself and the paramedics
will come in
953
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:14,400
and assess the situation from there.
954
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:18,200
- Hands on the steering wheel, pin
yourself into that seat. - Yeah.
955
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,360
- That's all you need to do.
- Tell you what, Fred.
956
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:22,400
It's got chrome kick plates.
Have you seen those?
957
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:24,600
Chris, at what point of this
do you think I'm bothered?
958
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,400
- Fred. - Yeah. - Any questions?
- I don't think so, Darren.
959
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:30,720
- I'm questioning myself. - Right.
- What am I doing here? Why am I here?
960
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:33,920
I've got an MBE.
961
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:43,240
Lovely, delicate actions
from the crane man.
962
00:52:43,240 --> 00:52:45,520
It's a beautiful crane.
Have you checked the crane out?
963
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:48,440
- Lovely bit of engineering,
Fred. - I don't care.
964
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:51,200
I just want it to stay
on top of the dam.
965
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:58,440
This is just starting
to get a little bit real now,
966
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,720
as I'm about to be perched
over the edge.
967
00:53:05,720 --> 00:53:07,720
It's starting to make
some funny noises now.
968
00:53:07,720 --> 00:53:09,560
There's a bit of creaking going on.
969
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,520
Oh, my lord.
970
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:13,760
MACHINERY GROANS
971
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:17,440
BLEEP!
972
00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:21,040
This is awful.
973
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:23,560
I'm just suspended!
Ahh, it's wobbling!
974
00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:25,520
CRANE CREAKS
975
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:31,200
I'm tensing up here.
976
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:37,000
I'm going to make a slight
confession here.
977
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,200
I'll make two, actually.
978
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:41,520
One, I'm nervous.
979
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:47,000
Two, possibly the worst thing
I have ever done.
980
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:49,200
Stay with it, Fred.
981
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:52,040
I would not like to be
in your shoes.
982
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:53,880
Oh, this is stupid.
983
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:56,000
CRANE SQUEAKS
984
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:59,000
It just a really bad noise.
985
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,280
Try being sat here, you bell end!
986
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:03,800
This is stupid. Stupid.
987
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:05,960
I'd like to see Jeremy Clarkson
do this.
988
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:08,040
HE LAUGHS
989
00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:10,000
BLEEP! It's wobbling.
Stop wobbling it!
990
00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:15,000
Oh, my...
991
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:16,920
Oh, my God.
992
00:54:21,080 --> 00:54:23,360
I'm just going to have
a moment here.
993
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,320
Oh, my word.
994
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:28,440
I don't want to look at the crane,
I've just got visions of them movies
995
00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:30,680
when a crane topples over.
996
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:37,560
BLEEP! Stop wobbling it!
997
00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:39,280
BLEEP the bed!
998
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:43,800
Whoa. I don't use this phrase
lightly,
999
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:47,840
but that looks sketchy as BLEEP
to me, that looks all wrong.
1000
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,440
Why? Why am I doing this?
1001
00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:05,520
Oh, sheez!
1002
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:09,200
I don't think
he was scared initially,
1003
00:55:09,200 --> 00:55:11,680
but right now I've never
seen him like that.
1004
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:21,960
The engineers had calculated that
at the bottom of the drop,
1005
00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:26,240
Freddie in the Metro would exert
a massive seven tonnes of force
1006
00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:28,800
through the rope and crane.
1007
00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:32,800
They had to be sure everything
was right before releasing the car.
1008
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:39,160
Fred to production.
1009
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:42,600
I don't know if anyone's noticed,
but I am suspended above a dam
1010
00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:44,840
and I've been here for quite
a while now.
1011
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:48,920
RADIO: Standby, Fred.
Doing final checks now.
1012
00:55:50,720 --> 00:55:53,440
Final checks. How long they been
planning this for?
1013
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:55,960
Was the time to make sure
everything's right not a while ago?
1014
00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:58,320
Are we not at the point
of no return now?
1015
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:05,720
The worst part about it is,
is I don't feel attached.
1016
00:56:05,720 --> 00:56:07,560
Oh, sh...
1017
00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:15,600
It's just gone up a level, now,
hasn't it?
1018
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:17,920
Oh, my word.
1019
00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:21,160
Jesus Christ!
1020
00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:29,480
Tell you what - BLEEP that
for a game of soldiers.
1021
00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:34,240
Whoa!
1022
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,680
Tell you what, Harris,
I wasn't budgeting for this!
1023
00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:47,040
- Ha-ha! - Tell you that for sure!
Bloody hell!
1024
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:52,240
Just tell me there's a rope
on the back of this car.
1025
00:56:52,240 --> 00:56:55,840
You, my friend, have a considerable
pair of berries on you.
1026
00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:57,720
Much bigger than mine.
1027
00:56:57,720 --> 00:56:59,760
I'm not sure where they are
at the minute, Chris.
1028
00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:01,920
Somewhere in my stomach.
1029
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:04,880
I don't think I'll see it again
for weeks.
1030
00:57:07,080 --> 00:57:08,920
Oh, God!
1031
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:12,520
Ugh, get this over with.
1032
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:21,880
This is one of the most horrific
things I've ever done.
1033
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:27,120
Finally, with everything set...
1034
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:31,280
..we got the go-ahead.
1035
00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:40,480
Fred, it's your good friend,
Chris Harris, here.
1036
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:46,480
OK. I'm going to give you a five,
four, three, two, one, and on "go",
1037
00:57:46,480 --> 00:57:48,520
you will go.
1038
00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:53,760
On my countdown.
1039
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:56,240
- Five, four... - BLEEP! Here we go.
1040
00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:58,880
..three, two, one...
1041
00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:03,440
..go!
1042
00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:05,240
Oh, BLEEP! That wasn't good.
1043
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:08,080
What was that?
BLEEP! What are you doing?
1044
00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:11,440
Are you messing me about here
or what?
1045
00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:14,640
I was all ready to go, I braced
myself and I've not done anything.
1046
00:58:16,480 --> 00:58:18,720
Fred, have you got the handbrake on?
1047
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,040
BRAKE CLICKS
1048
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,600
Whoa!
1049
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:57,600
Oh. Oh, my God!
1050
00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:07,680
Aargh!
1051
00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:24,080
Whoa! The Metro!
It's managed to stay together!
1052
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:26,680
Ha-ha! He's only gone and done it,
boys.
1053
00:59:29,080 --> 00:59:31,760
Go on, Harris, lad!
1054
00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:34,640
Chrissy Harris,
this is for you, son!
1055
00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:37,200
Come on, Fred!
1056
00:59:37,200 --> 00:59:40,360
0-60 in 2.7 seconds.
1057
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:43,360
Stick it up you, you Ariel Atom!
1058
00:59:43,360 --> 00:59:45,240
We've got you covered!
1059
00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:47,400
Woo!
1060
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:49,600
This beautiful little red car.
1061
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:51,880
A beautiful car.
1062
00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:54,560
- Get in!
- HE LAUGHS
1063
00:59:55,680 --> 00:59:57,560
Jeez!
1064
00:59:57,560 --> 00:59:59,760
RADIO: Please let's have
a thumbs up. A thumbs up.
1065
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:03,880
- Thank you. - Jeez!
1066
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:11,440
I think this could end up being
my favourite car ever.
1067
01:00:13,000 --> 01:00:16,440
It's definitely going to be the
most memorable. That is for sure.
1068
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:20,320
Metros, I salute you.
1069
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:32,240
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1070
01:00:35,360 --> 01:00:37,560
Wow!
1071
01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:42,640
Amazing, mate. Absolutely amazing.
1072
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:49,400
I've got to say, Fred. You, my
friend, have absolutely no fear.
1073
01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:50,800
You've also got no brain cells
1074
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:53,280
and I don't think you're going to
live to see your 50s.
1075
01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:56,560
But I'll tell you what -
very impressive.
1076
01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:59,320
It was all right. The worst thing
about it was waiting.
1077
01:00:59,320 --> 01:01:02,120
I was up there for so long and I
thought it was you messing about.
1078
01:01:02,120 --> 01:01:04,120
No, it was all the safety checks.
1079
01:01:04,120 --> 01:01:06,560
- It wasn't the matter of a moment,
Fred. - Really?
1080
01:01:06,560 --> 01:01:08,280
I thought you were
absolutely brilliant.
1081
01:01:08,280 --> 01:01:11,680
And we found your Top Gear niche.
1082
01:01:11,680 --> 01:01:13,240
- Yeah, falling.
- THEY LAUGH
1083
01:01:13,240 --> 01:01:16,400
Yeah, you proved my point
ultimately, didn't you?
1084
01:01:16,400 --> 01:01:19,760
You see, if you want to accelerate
faster than an Ariel Atom,
1085
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:22,200
all you need is an old Rover Metro.
1086
01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:23,840
And a massive dam.
1087
01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:25,880
And a 50 person engineering team.
1088
01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:29,000
Yeah, and an ex cricketer
with no brain. Top stuff.
1089
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:30,680
We'll be back next week
1090
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:34,880
when we pick a fight with
the RAF's fightiest fighter jet.
1091
01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:39,000
And I show Land Rover how to build
a proper off-roader. See you then.
1092
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:41,080
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
83107
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