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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:21,520 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:22,960 Yeah! 3 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:24,280 Thank you, thank you! 4 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:27,160 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 5 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,440 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 6 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:32,640 Thank you! 7 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,280 Hello and welcome to Top Gear. 8 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,120 We're back, everybody! 9 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,040 CHEERING 10 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,480 Yes! 11 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:43,520 Over the past year, we've been electrocuted, 12 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,120 dropped into jungles and nearly killed by Freddie Flintoff 13 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:47,160 in an hearse. 14 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:48,440 LAUGHTER 15 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,000 But we're still here, everyone! We are still here! 16 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,760 I've got to say, lads, spending the last 12 months with you two, 17 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,360 well, it's definitely felt longer. 18 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,760 Anyway, we're with you for the next six weeks and we've got a cracker 19 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,240 of a series lined up. 20 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:02,440 Have a look at this. 21 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:13,760 ENGINE GROWLS 22 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:15,760 I have been looking forward to this! 23 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:20,400 Here we go. 24 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:35,040 I've got a new friend and he's called The Stig. 25 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,320 You have a considerable pair of berries on you. 26 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:42,320 I'm not sure where they are at the minute, Chris, 27 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:45,280 - they're somewhere in me stomach. - That looks sketchy as f.. 28 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,800 MOCKINGLY: "It's not a proper Ferrari!" 29 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:53,480 Oh, my word! 30 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,400 How ya rootin' tootin' doin'? 31 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,560 Oh, my Lord! 32 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,320 Hold on to your schnitzels! 33 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:05,680 I can't stop! 34 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:06,880 Fred, stop! 35 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,480 I'm running out of runway! 36 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:16,640 Ow! 37 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,760 That's the best thing you've ever done! 38 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:24,920 Three... 39 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,280 ..two.. 40 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,440 ..one.. 41 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:28,920 ..go! 42 00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:30,880 Whoa! 43 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:32,880 What a time to be alive. 44 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:33,920 Loved that. 45 00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:34,960 APPLAUSE 46 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:38,080 Oh, wow! 47 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:41,680 All that coming up. Now, Fred, bungee jumping in a car. 48 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,080 That's all later tonight. 49 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,200 But, first up, it's January, it's freezing out. 50 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,600 So let's talk summer holidays! 51 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,360 Because did you know the average cost of a summer holiday 52 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,960 is £600 per person? 53 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:57,520 600 quid to sit in a smelly metal tube for two hours 54 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,360 and end up somewhere less comfy than your own house. 55 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,960 But we reckon there's a better way to get a bit of sun on your face 56 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,840 and enjoy that well-earned break. 57 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,920 Buy yourself a second-hand convertible. 58 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,480 Correct. So, the producers said prove it. 59 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:13,080 Last August, they gave us each 600 quid and told us to buy 60 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:17,320 a convertible and then meet up for a Great British summer holiday. 61 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:26,000 Our meeting place would be the seaside town of Bognor Regis. 62 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:31,120 The sunniest spot in the UK. 63 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,680 And I'd found the perfect car 64 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,440 to make the most of the weather. 65 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:43,160 Welcome to the Ford Escort Cabriolet... 66 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:45,720 ..Calypso edition. 67 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,160 Calypso. 68 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:50,760 Even sounds seasidey. 69 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,960 And the genius thing about this car - 500 quid. 70 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,480 It's reliable and if you do have any problems... 71 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,760 ..pretty easy to fix. 72 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,920 Also, 93,000 miles on the clock. 73 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:04,400 So it's barely running. 74 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,760 Beautiful motor. 75 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:08,800 Beautiful. 76 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:10,960 Oi, oi! 77 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,720 Ha-ha! Yes, baby. 78 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,680 Look at that, Paddy! 79 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,600 Before you say anything, did you get the brief? 80 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,600 - Yes, I was told... - £600 was the budget. 81 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,880 You've not got that for less than 600 quid. 82 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,000 This is a £600 Mercedes Benz. 83 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,160 Look at it. It's fantastic. 84 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,440 Everything works. 85 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,240 It's not the poverty spec 200. 86 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,440 It's a 230. 87 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,560 So it's supercharged. Nearly 200 horsepower. 88 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:39,640 Did you get the memo? 89 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:43,840 Because they told me to buy the best convertible I could for 600 quid. 90 00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:46,080 Did they ask you to come as a mid-'90s sex offender? 91 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,880 I mean, wha... What? 92 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,840 Well, I don't know if you could say "sex offender" on BBC Two, 93 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,920 but we've put it out there. 94 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:53,960 Er... 95 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,120 Oh, interesting. 96 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,160 Yeah. 97 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,680 What's all this? 98 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,640 Well, what's happened there is the painted interior has worn away 99 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:03,560 to leave patternation. 100 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,320 You're also getting the smell of raw fuel coming from the front 101 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,800 of the engine, which is a new thing that's just emerged in the last 102 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,000 - ten minutes. - Wonderful. 103 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,160 RHYTHMIC CAR HORN TOOTS 104 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,440 Oh, my... 105 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:13,640 ..God! 106 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:14,840 CHRIS AND PADDY LAUGH 107 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,040 What is that?! 108 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,040 What is that?! 109 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,040 "What is that?" 110 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,960 - "What is that?" - That's a wreck! 111 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,200 This, Paddy, is a Chrysler LeBaron. 112 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,760 - I don't know where to start with it! - What?! - You come round the corner, 113 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,280 I thought, "Is it a Sierra?" 114 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:37,640 Well, think of road trips, what do you think of? 115 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,200 American. 116 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,520 - No. - No. 117 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,800 What? Driving down Route 66, roof down. 118 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,160 - No? - English family summer holidays. 119 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,680 - You'd go to the resort, wherever you were. - Yeah. - South coast, 120 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,440 north coast. There was always one American car 121 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:54,120 driven by a wrong 'un, wasn't there, that used to float about. 122 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:57,080 No, I'm going to defend that. I'm going to defend that. 123 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,000 People automatically assumed he was a wrong 'un. 124 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,520 THEY LAUGH 125 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,600 But in fact, it was a man with impeccable taste! 126 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,720 What colour is it? 127 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:06,760 It's white! 128 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,360 I don't think it is. 129 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,120 It looks like it's been actually painted with a brush. 130 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,440 - It has been. - It's not been sprayed, that's been painted. 131 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,640 Did you not hear it, though, the sound of it coming in? 132 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,320 I heard the horn. Did you hear the horn?! It was like Noddy's car! 133 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,400 It's because the exhaust has fallen off, Fred. 134 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,840 Have you seen the exhaust? That's not all together... 135 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,000 Even this. 136 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,240 Even the badges. 137 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,240 It's got a 3.0 litre V6. 138 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,320 - How much power? - 3 litre V6... - How much power? 139 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,560 It's got to right up there. 140 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,040 How much? 141 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,160 140. 142 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:36,280 CHRIS LAUGHS 143 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:37,480 Man alive! 144 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,840 - What's that? Look at that. - Now... 145 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,360 - Wow. - Look at. 146 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,760 Well, I can do that on yours, look. 147 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,440 Oh... See? 148 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,880 - How've you managed break that straight away? - I don't know! 149 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,440 How've you managed break it? You've literally only just touched the car 150 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,480 - and you've already broken it! - What quality! 151 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,280 You are just such an arse. 152 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:56,240 - It's come off! - Get out! 153 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:57,400 Who's this guy? 154 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,680 Thank you. 155 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,240 "Congratulations! 156 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:07,120 "You will now go on a summer road trip 157 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,200 "to the Essex Coast." 158 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,200 Holidays! Yes. 159 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,280 Down to the Sugar Hut, boys! 160 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,560 Follow me! 161 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,080 Let's get some candyfloss. 162 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,400 Some things just look right. 163 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,520 James Bond wearing a dinner suit, 164 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,600 Winston Churchill smoking a great, big, fat cigar. 165 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,880 Add to that list Paddy McGuinness driving a clapped-out 166 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,520 Escort convertible in Bognor Regis. 167 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,920 It just looks right. 168 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,960 # Tell me when will you be mine 169 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,080 Got myself me candyfloss. 170 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,280 Oh, ho! 171 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:55,040 ♪ Tell me quando, quando, quando... ♪ 172 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,240 Man, sun's shining. Oh! 173 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,280 CAR HORN TOOTS 174 00:07:58,280 --> 00:07:59,320 You all right? 175 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,840 The LeBaron, on the other hand, didn't look right at all. 176 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,400 This is like a workout. 177 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,760 Get round, get round, get round. 178 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,520 Just wait at the side, mate, I'm probably going to bump the kerb. 179 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,560 Oh! Thank you. 180 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,600 Paddy, first failure for the Chrysler LeBaron. 181 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:21,840 I can hear you laughing. 182 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:23,200 You've got your roof down! 183 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,480 CHRIS LAUGHS 184 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:30,400 So 450 quid doesn't buy you working power steering. 185 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,560 Doesn't matter. 186 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:35,920 The point is the LeBaron is bang on brief. 187 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,640 Holidays, think about it. What do you do? 188 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,080 You go somewhere you've never been before. 189 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,000 You wear clothes that you would never dream of wearing. 190 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,680 You eat food you've never tried. 191 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:48,200 And that's the idea behind this. 192 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,040 It's a break from the norm. 193 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,920 I want to experience something new. 194 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:55,160 Otherwise, I'd just sit home and watch Cash In The Attic. 195 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:01,040 I tell you what, you surprised us all with another Escort, Paddy. 196 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,920 Hey up, roundabout, here we go! 197 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,480 Hang on, I'm going to put me mic down. 198 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,080 HIGH-PITCHED WHINE 199 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,360 THEY LAUGH 200 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,360 You know, the thing with Escorts for me is... 201 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,200 ..it's like your first love. 202 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,600 You know, you never forget them. 203 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,040 You're always wondering what they're up to. 204 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,080 And it's nice just to be back inside. 205 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,600 That's sounds wrong. I get that. 206 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:24,840 But you know what I mean. 207 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,840 I know it's not the world's best cabriolet, this. 208 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:34,200 It's not even Europe's best cabriolet, it's not even... 209 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,920 ..the UK's best cabriolet. 210 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,640 But... 211 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,480 ..£500. 212 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,600 I'm out and about, it's driving well. 213 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,960 There's a few little electrical glitches. 214 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,360 The headlights are staying on for some reason, but... 215 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:49,960 Other than that, 216 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,920 life's good, it's a bargain, this car. 217 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:54,200 Fine. 218 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,120 But if the Calypso is a bargain, 219 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,480 then in the world of cheap convertibles, 220 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:01,080 the SLK is an absolute steal. 221 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,680 Those two clowns there have got coupes 222 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,880 that had their roofs chopped off. 223 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,320 That's why I don't like convertibles normally. 224 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:15,840 If you take the roof off a car you fundamentally ruin it. 225 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,680 They wobble about and shake. 226 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:22,320 But the SLK, you see, was built to be a convertible. 227 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:26,080 So it's got structure in the floor that means it feels quite tight. 228 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:32,120 Feels rigid, rigid as a Stuttgart designer's pencil, this thing. 229 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:36,160 An hour into our drive and life with our bargain convertibles 230 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,960 was going very nicely. 231 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,720 Oh, my word. The steering wheel's all over the place. 232 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:46,520 Better still, we've been told to head to a local race circuit 233 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,560 for our first holiday outing - a track day. 234 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,880 Look at this! 235 00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:01,280 Boys, there seems to be a load of tractors and coaches 236 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:04,240 and Winnebagos and... there's a Morgan up there. 237 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,840 What is this all about, then? 238 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:16,320 Challenge - time to find out how your summer holiday convertibles 239 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:19,280 handle traditional summer holiday traffic. 240 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:23,240 Last to be overtaken by the Stig wins. 241 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:26,240 - So this is a race, is it, now? - Where's the Stig? 242 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,200 TYRES SQUEAL 243 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,160 Five litre, very nice. 244 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,040 So much for the track day. 245 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,000 The circuit had been littered with summer holiday roadworks, 246 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,560 stuffed full of summer holiday traffic. 247 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:51,800 Can you get track day tyres for a combine harvester? 248 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:55,040 And we'd now have to get as far away as we could from the Stig 249 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,320 before he sets off to hunt us down 250 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,400 in the ultimate summer holiday convertible. 251 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,040 A V8 Ford Mustang. 252 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,320 Let's do this! We're off! 253 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,200 Here goes. 254 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,080 Right, McGuinness. 255 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,280 No! 256 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,280 Jesus Christ, the combine harvester was a bit close! 257 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,640 Oh, my God, what is going on here? 258 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,480 Oh, no. My candyfloss! 259 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,200 Look at the steering wheel, look at it moving! 260 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,400 Oh, my word. This is bonkers. 261 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,760 Argh! Duh, duh, duh, duh! You say there! 262 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,400 This is going to be tricky. Nibble that. 263 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,240 That'll do. 264 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:40,840 Jeez, this is awful! 265 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,280 Steering's... Oh, BLEEP! 266 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:50,000 Oh, me tyre's gone! Me tyre's gone! 267 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:53,800 I'm out! I'm out already! Argh! 268 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,480 I can't see Flintoff. 269 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,320 Flintoff's not even made it round the first lap! 270 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,600 - Bloody hell! - Where's the Stig? 271 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,600 ENGINE ROARS 272 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,480 Stig, yeah. Go on, son. 273 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,200 This is lively. 274 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,080 Argh! Can't get past that caravan... 275 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,920 Oh, no! He's here! He's right behind me! 276 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,920 Oh! The Volkswagen camper stops him! 277 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,960 Out the way! HORN BLARES 278 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,200 Get out the bloody way! 279 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,440 Come on. Come on! 280 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,920 Oh, no! 281 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,120 No! 282 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,720 Piss! 283 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,640 Stig's not catching me. 284 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:12,040 No! No, no, no, no, no, no! 285 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,800 Ahh! 286 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,680 Ah-hah! 287 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:24,200 He's got me but it's a win. 288 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,440 You were brilliant. 289 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,240 There was no way on God's green Earth we were catching you in that, 290 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,640 no way. 291 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,000 I mean, a lot of that's down to the driver. 292 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,160 Is it f... 293 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,200 First blood to the Mercedes, then. 294 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,960 But back on the road with a shiny new tyre, 295 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:55,200 Flintoff had finally found something on the McLaren to show off. 296 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,080 You ready? You ready? 297 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,080 LAUGHS 298 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,440 They are magnificent! 299 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:04,560 Hey, you don't get that in your Merkie, do you? 300 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,640 That is without a doubt the crappest headlight solution 301 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,720 I've ever seen. 302 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,360 Oh, it's a joy. 303 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:16,520 We'd been told to head 20 miles up the road for another holiday 304 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:20,320 convertible test, which gave us just enough time 305 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,760 for an important debate. 306 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,520 Seaside holiday confection. 307 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:31,480 You've got to have candyfloss, rock or 99/Mr Whippy. 308 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,880 Ice cream, every day of the week. 309 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:39,040 Totally agree. For me, a Mr Whippy is one of the great treats of life. 310 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:43,720 Yeah. But it's not necessarily a seaside holiday treat, is it? 311 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,520 You can have it any time. 312 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,920 What's more seasidey than a Mr Whippy? 313 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,160 It's not seasidey. It just happens to be ice cream. 314 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,880 Candyfloss is seasidey. 315 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,480 Those big pink dummies are seasidey. 316 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,480 "Kiss me quick" hats are seasidey. 317 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:02,480 Invisible dog leads are seasidey, sugar doughnuts are seasidey. 318 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:07,400 Mr Whippy can just drive down your street in his van. 319 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,080 Unbelievable. 320 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:16,920 But Mr Whippy would have to wait, because we'd reached our next test. 321 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,920 Are we going off-road here, lads, or what? What's going on? 322 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,000 Well, we're not going round there. 323 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,000 It's a motocross track! 324 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,560 Another challenge. Thank you, boss. 325 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,760 It's obviously got words more than one syllable. 326 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,240 That's why I'm reading it. 327 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,400 Driving in summer is a sweaty business. 328 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:43,840 In high temperatures, 329 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:47,680 the average human produces more than 10 litres of sweat a day. 330 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,800 To see how your cars cope with this sort of output, they're now 331 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:57,160 being rigged with a dispenser of low friction synthetic sweat substitute. 332 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,840 Fastest lap wins. Don't slide off. 333 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,240 Synthetic sweat substitute. 334 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:11,000 Yes. To test how our convertibles handled sweaty conditions, 335 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,520 apparently, we'd each have to do a timed lap of a twisty, 336 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,480 undulating motocross track 337 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:20,840 while being liberally sprayed with a friction reducing liquid. 338 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:25,080 Sounds like lube to me, this, lads. 339 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,520 Two words I don't like - lube and moist. 340 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,480 It's good news for you, Paddy, 341 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,400 because the lube is to simulate being moist. 342 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,000 HE GIGGLES 343 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,800 And in better news, McGuinness was up first. 344 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,680 This is not going to end well. 345 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,760 - Here he is. - All right, Paddy. Looking good in the Escort. 346 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,440 - Can I make a request? - Go on. - Can Harris do the timer? 347 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,120 I don't trust Flintoff. 348 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:52,640 - I take that as a personal insult. - Yeah. But you know I'm right. 349 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,880 - HE LAUGHS - He was starting you on five seconds! 350 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,000 Yeah, exactly. Exactly! 351 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,480 - You ready, Paddy? - ENGINE REVS 352 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:05,920 Three, two, one... 353 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,200 Go! 354 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,720 Here we go! 355 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,960 I can't see! 356 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,240 THEY ROAR WITH LAUGHTER 357 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,160 Oh, my God! 358 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:32,880 Tell you what - that is a lucky escape, McGuinness. 359 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,360 THEY LAUGH Look at that! 360 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,000 I'll tell you what, Paddy, 361 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,200 you've thrown the gauntlet down there, ain't you? 362 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,400 Do think we can beat him, Chris? 363 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,360 With a target of 42 yards to beat... 364 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,920 ..it was time for the Merc to show how it's done. 365 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,440 - What are you doing? - We just have to test if it's on your face. 366 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,440 - Can we just give it a test now, lads? - No! 367 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,040 - Yay! That's the one. - That's the ticket. - Yeah. 368 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,080 - That works. - That works. 369 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,920 ENGINE REVS 370 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,440 Three, two, one, go! 371 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,280 HE SPLUTTERS Oh, that's right in the mouth! 372 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,320 I've been hit! 373 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,520 Ah! This is repugnant! 374 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,160 See, the thing is, he's got the ideal car for this, really. 375 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,560 - You would think so. - This is horrendous. 376 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,400 I can't hold the wheel. 377 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,240 - Argh! - Didn't sound healthy, that. 378 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,480 - Argh! - This is it - big finish. 379 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,120 HE GROANS 380 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,160 - Oh! - Oh, nice. 381 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,440 You can stop that now. 382 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,680 - All right, David Seaman. - Look at the state of you. 383 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,320 - How was that? - What did you expect? 384 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,360 You've just thrown 15 litres of lube at me. 385 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:54,040 I've got a little bit on my T-shirt myself. 386 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,880 A little bit on your T-shirt. 387 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,480 - Look at me! - Do you want to tell him his time, Pad? - Yeah. 388 00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,320 145.57. 389 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,280 What? Why are you speaking like a four-year-old 390 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:03,400 that's learning numbers? 391 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,160 - 145... - 57. - I got it. 392 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,880 While Harris went off to find the Kleenex, 393 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,960 next up it was Flintoff's run. 394 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,240 And given his previous record of crashing, 395 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,920 the producers had taken the sensible precaution 396 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:23,000 of fitting some additional low key rollover protection. 397 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,000 - Did you tell him about the roll bar? - Yeah, I did. 398 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,760 Specialist bell end one. 399 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,520 It's a terrible motor vehicle, isn't it? 400 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,320 - METALLIC CRUNCH - That wasn't a good start, was it? 401 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,080 Right. 402 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,320 Three, two, one, go. 403 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,240 HE GROANS AND SPLUTTERS 404 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,400 This is just horrendous! 405 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,480 - Ow! Ow! Struggling now. Oh, he can't get up the hill. - Ha-ha! 406 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,880 Oh, my word. Come on. 407 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,400 Come on. 408 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,880 - Get round, get round. - LIQUID HISS 409 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,320 Ugh! It's making noises now! It's like a spitting cobra! 410 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,560 I cannot believe it's going to be so close. 411 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,840 Here we go, here we go! I'm going to beat Harris, get over the line! 412 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,960 THEY LAUGH 413 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:12,880 Tell me the good news! Please, give me some good news. 414 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,840 Well, the good news is you look very good with your T-shirt, 415 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:19,080 - like a Chippendale. - Ugh! - HARRIS LAUGHS 416 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,320 Oiled up. 148.12. 417 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,320 - Oh, is it just... - Only three seconds behind! 418 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,760 When you come over there, I thought, "He's going to do it." 419 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,440 If you'd taken that hill up there a bit quicker, you could have won. 420 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,160 Look at this. 421 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,200 HE IMITATES STRIPPING SONG 422 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,240 Put the slow-mo on! 423 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,160 We've decided - little conflab - 424 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,400 - that we've been absolutely nailed here... - Oh, hold on. 425 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,280 ..and you've somehow got away scot free. 426 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:43,920 Well I'm happy with last place. 427 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,840 - You're not. I can tell by your face. - Not an option really, is it? 428 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,400 No, it wasn't. 429 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:52,080 And with Harris nobly risking his winning time for the greater good, 430 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:56,440 we fished the Calypso back to the start line and McGuinness 431 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,040 got ready for another shot at glory. 432 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,680 LIQUID HISS 433 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:04,440 - Hey! - I've not started! - Three, two, one, go! 434 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,160 Dickheads! 435 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,240 MUSIC: Paranoid by Black Sabbath 436 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,560 HE SPLUTTERS 437 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,800 Look at the face here, look at him! 438 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,440 HE IMITATES PADDY 439 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,480 It's in my eye! 440 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,880 He's got a face that suits having lube jetted into it. 441 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,440 Don't you think? 442 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:31,960 I can't hold the bloody wheel! 443 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,320 Where's my candyfloss? 444 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,200 Candyfloss for purchase! 445 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,280 - He's going for it this time. - He is. 446 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:46,240 - I think he's going too hard. - It's going to be tight, this, Chris. 447 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:49,200 - It's going to be really tight. - It's going to be unbearable. 448 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,600 THEY LAUGH 449 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:57,920 That's a big jump! 450 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,200 - That was impressive. - That was good. 451 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,680 - What's the time? - You did it in one minute... 452 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,240 ..36.59. 453 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,120 Yes! 454 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,920 Let me get out of this car! 455 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,080 - It's his second go! - I can't deal with this. 456 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,960 # Oh, we do like to be beside the seaside 457 00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:25,600 ♪ Oh, we do like to be beside the sea... ♪ 458 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,640 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 459 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:37,160 Hey? Let me tell you, 460 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,680 THAT is how you drive a Calypso covered in lube. 461 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,080 It's not really something to be proud of, is it? 462 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,600 - Where do you even get that much lube? - Now, I know this. - Yeah? 463 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,640 This was agricultural lubricant. 464 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,240 What? Farmers use it. 465 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,040 The dirty dogs. 466 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:57,120 - Lube for cows. Really? Is that right? - Yes. 467 00:23:57,120 --> 00:24:01,320 - I can still taste it. - Anyhow, moving on. 468 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,480 We'll get back to that film later in the show, 469 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,640 when things get even less dignified. 470 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,960 But first, you're in for a treat, everybody. 471 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,040 It's Mr Harris and a review. 472 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:11,880 - Go on, Chris. - Go on, Chris! APPLAUSE 473 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,840 You'll know this car. 474 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,520 The Ariel Atom. 475 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:19,600 This first turned up 20 years ago 476 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,760 and it's been constantly revised and upgraded ever since. 477 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:26,920 But now there's an all new Atom, which, according to Ariel, 478 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,360 is entirely, totally different. 479 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,680 Here it is - the Atom 4. 480 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:46,200 A new from-the-ground-up design that looks completely and utterly... 481 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,040 ..exactly the same as before. 482 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:56,600 It's identical, but genuinely, this is an all-new car. 483 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,160 The only bits carried over from the old Atom - 484 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,760 brake pedal, clutch pedal, fuel filler cap. 485 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:06,080 That's your lot. Everything else - shiny new, apparently. 486 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,280 But get behind the wheel and you'll quickly discover 487 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,320 the changes are significant. 488 00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:18,080 It has to be said, at first glance, they're also a bit worrying. 489 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,120 They call this the most usable Atom yet. 490 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:24,800 There's more room for your elbows, for your legs, your feet. 491 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,920 They've given it more supple suspension, 492 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,760 so it's more comfortable at low speeds. 493 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:34,000 You can even dull the engine down for more relaxed driving. 494 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,760 Relaxed driving? If you want to do relaxed driving, 495 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,560 you don't buy a car without a windscreen, doors, 496 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:43,000 in fact, any body work whatsoever. 497 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,680 If you want comfort, go and buy a travel pillow. 498 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:53,080 There is one important change, though, that's far more welcome. 499 00:25:57,120 --> 00:26:00,240 Behind me is a new engine taken from the Honda Civic 500 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:02,080 type R hot hatchback... 501 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,440 ..which, when you wind the dial back to where it should be, 502 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,800 makes 320 horsepower. 503 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,920 ENGINE PURRS 504 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:18,640 And which, when you put your foot down, helps the Atom do this. 505 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,280 0-60 takes 2.8 seconds. 506 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,280 2.8! 507 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,840 That's the 100 up in under 7 seconds. 508 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,120 It's time-bendingly fast. 509 00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:45,040 You get to the end of a straight 510 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,680 slightly younger than when you started. 511 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:05,120 That gets the heart going like a triple espresso 512 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,320 with a defibrillator chaser. 513 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:19,840 Not that Atoms have ever struggled to get the ticker ticking. 514 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,400 What they have sometimes struggled with 515 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,680 is the whole going round corners thing. 516 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:32,120 The old Atom used to understeer at the first sniff of a corner. 517 00:27:32,120 --> 00:27:34,440 Not this one. 518 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,040 I'm not understeering, I'm cornering. 519 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,520 And I know exactly what the front wheels are doing now. 520 00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:49,480 I see the suspension arms moving. 521 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:52,680 It's all naked. 522 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,480 On display. 523 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,840 It's proud of its components. 524 00:27:57,840 --> 00:27:59,680 I love that. 525 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:07,000 And when you've had enough of nimbly carving up corners... 526 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,760 ..the Atom will happily play the delinquent too. 527 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:12,600 MUSIC: Ace Of Spades by Motorhead 528 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:17,680 Whoa! 529 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,880 Couldn't do that in an old Atom. 530 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,080 # If you like to gamble I tell you I'm your man 531 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,760 ♪ You win some, lose some All the same to me... ♪ 532 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:27,720 Just the most raw experience. 533 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:32,720 Everything's flying at you - the scenery, the insects, the stones. 534 00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:38,280 Same engine as a Civic Type R, remember. 535 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,080 This thing weighs under 600kg. 536 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:42,840 That's less than a Formula 1 car! 537 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:47,320 Whoa! 538 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:50,880 It's a frothing lunatic! 539 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,800 Can't get enough of it - it's so extreme. 540 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:06,960 The new Atom, then, really is an incredible thing to drive. 541 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:10,880 But what's less clear 542 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:14,560 is if it's something you'd actually want to own. 543 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,440 Brilliant though it is, 544 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:19,960 this is a car that does say something about its driver. 545 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,640 Specifically "crippling midlife crisis" and, just below that, 546 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:28,480 "I was too scared to buy a motorcycle." 547 00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,200 Then, there's the price. 548 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,400 The Atom starts at around 40 grand, 549 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,640 which does seem like an awful lot of money for a pile of ironmongery 550 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:43,360 with a Honda engine behind you and no floor mats. 551 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,440 But look at it another way. 552 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:51,120 This is a car that will annihilate any supercar on the right road. 553 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:58,000 You just can't go faster for the cash. 554 00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:03,800 In truth, it's a bit of a bargain. 555 00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,040 But it's also more than that. 556 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:09,160 It's life affirming. 557 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:14,040 Honestly, if the state of the world's ever getting you down, 558 00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:17,520 forget, meditation, forget digital detox, 559 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:21,520 a quick spin in one of these will sort you right out. 560 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,240 APPLAUSE 561 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:40,880 - Just a great little car. - Is it? - Oh, love it! - Wow. 562 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:46,760 And I've got to say, life coaching by Chris Harris - 563 00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:48,640 I never thought I'd see the day. 564 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,120 Now, we need to find out how fast the Ariel Atom 4 565 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:52,960 went round our test track. 566 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,400 What do you reckon, Chris, where are we looking on the board? 567 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,680 Come on. It was cold and it was damp. 568 00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:00,280 Those tyres don't work in those conditions. I think mid-table. 569 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:03,440 Otherwise, it would be right up here. But I'm thinking here. 570 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,280 Well, earlier today, we sent the Stig out in the Ariel Atom. 571 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,440 You can see the lap online, 572 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:12,720 - but I can tell you the Ariel Atom 4... - In there. 573 00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:15,360 - You reckon? The old one is here - 1.15? - In there. 574 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:16,880 Got to be around here, hasn't it? 575 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:18,720 Lads, lads. It's a surprise. 576 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,720 He went round in one minute... 577 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:26,840 - ..20... - What? - ..5... - What? - ..3. 578 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,960 - No way! - Chris, you can do that. It's down there. Go on. 579 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:31,480 What? That's sizeist. 580 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:35,560 - That is unb... No-one expected that. - Are you surprised, Chris? 581 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:37,360 I am. But the weather was terrible. 582 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:41,120 Look, these tyres don't work sub five degrees. It's wet. 583 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,720 I think that's unfair. Can we have it back in the summer, please? 584 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:45,960 - I think we should. - Do you want it back in the summer? 585 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:47,760 ALL: Yes. Let's get it back in the summer. 586 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:50,920 Now it's time to get back to our cheap convertible summer holiday 587 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:55,280 where things are about to go from proper slippery to proper painful. 588 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:56,960 Fore! 589 00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:06,240 Feels good to be back out on the open road, boys. 590 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:10,920 What a day. What a day. 591 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,040 Oh. 592 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,120 Oh, I've cut out. 593 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:18,680 Yeah, we've cut out. 594 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,840 Lads, I've cut out. 595 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,520 Man, takes me back to Ethiopia, this. 596 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:34,320 Again, I was in an Escort, again, I was towing Flintoff. 597 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,160 Nothing changes, does it? Nothing changes. 598 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:40,680 Not again. 599 00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:45,200 Dear me. It really is Dumb leading Dumber, isn't it? 600 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,080 Look at them. 601 00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,080 ROPE PINGS 602 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:55,280 90 miles into our journey and with the LeBaron now cooling off 603 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,960 after its second breakdown of the trip, it's fair to say 604 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,520 we were starting to narrow down who had really bought 605 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,360 the best cheap convertible. 606 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,480 I don't know who I'm kidding. It's awful, isn't it? 607 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:07,400 It's an awful, awful car. 608 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:13,080 And soon we arrived at our next summer holiday activity. 609 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,240 To narrow it down some more. 610 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,960 - Look at this! - What is it we're actually doing? 611 00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:21,760 We're not playing cricket, are we? 612 00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:25,000 It's a golf driving range, Paddy. Cheers, mate. Challenge. 613 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,040 "Time to test the agility of your convertibles. 614 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,920 "Roof down, you will now attempt to catch as many golf balls 615 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,200 "as you can in your cockpits." 616 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:37,080 Hang on a minute. 617 00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:40,920 So we're driving round and they're hitting balls into our car. 618 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,040 Have you ever been hit by a golf ball? 619 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:44,680 I have. It really hurts. 620 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:49,200 Luckily, the producers had thought of this and laid on 621 00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,840 some specialist protective gear. 622 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:53,720 - Of sorts. - Lads? 623 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:56,600 What? Was there a sale on at Sports Direct? 624 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,480 - Have you come as the Honey Monster? - It's a hockey kit, isn't it? 625 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,720 - What's under the jumper? - This is what I was like when I was 20. 626 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:04,840 HE LAUGHS 627 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,480 We'd each have two minutes out on the range 628 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:09,280 in front of 25 keen golfers, 629 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:12,800 with the most balls in the cockpit at the end making for the most 630 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:14,880 agile convertible, obviously. 631 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,040 OK, Freddie. Here we go. 632 00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:22,760 - Three, two, one... - KLAXON SOUNDS 633 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:25,320 I'm off. 634 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:27,160 Come on. Come on. 635 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,680 Where are they hitting them? I can't see! 636 00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:33,880 Here he comes. This is it now. 637 00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:36,240 We can absolutely pepper him! 638 00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:38,640 Smash him! 639 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,320 - BALLS PING - Argh! Oh, my! 640 00:34:45,240 --> 00:34:48,520 BLEEP! Right past my nose! 641 00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,920 - Wey! - Oh, this is good now. 642 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:52,720 Aim for his teeth. 643 00:34:52,720 --> 00:34:54,920 Yay! 644 00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,240 - HE LAUGHS - Oh, my head! 645 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,880 - KLAXON SOUNDS - That was immense fun. - Enjoyed that. 646 00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:05,440 Smashing golf balls at Freddie Flintoff should be a sport. 647 00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,440 What a time to be alive. 648 00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,480 Oh, love that. 649 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:11,600 Windscreen's cracked. That's nice. 650 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:13,800 She's a bit peppered, Fred. 651 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:15,600 Yeah. Not many went in. 652 00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:17,720 - How many do you think went in? - Eight? 653 00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:23,080 - Very close. - How many? - Nine. - Nine. - Nine. - Ten. 654 00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,080 - You even missed there. - I know. I'm sorry. 655 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,360 Still, with a target of nine to beat, 656 00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,600 McGuinness went next to get suited and booted. 657 00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:35,080 - SUIT CLANKS - What the hell is that noise? 658 00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:36,520 All right? 659 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:40,120 - You all right, Pad? - Not really. 660 00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,760 Does it work? Yeah. 661 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:45,120 How are you going to drive with those shoes on? 662 00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:47,160 Let me tell you one thing. 663 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,440 Wait till you see what you've got to put on. Do your worst. 664 00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:53,560 - Ten balls to take the lead. - KLAXON SOUNDS 665 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,560 - Time for some payback. - Go on! 666 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,720 GLASS SHATTERS What the bloody hell? 667 00:35:58,720 --> 00:36:00,400 Oh, his window's gone. 668 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,600 King Arthur's here, and he ain't taking no BLEEP! 669 00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:08,080 Come on, then! 670 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,560 Want to get that windscreen. 671 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,880 My windscreen, my windscreen, you tools! 672 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:18,880 Oh, got one in! Damn! 673 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,960 Oh, my God. HE LAUGHS 674 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,400 Jesus! What the bloody hell? 675 00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:29,840 METAL CLATTERS 676 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,160 - Oh! Oh! - Tosspot! KLAXON SOUNDS 677 00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,920 That made me ears ring! 678 00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:37,640 Right. Scores on the doors. How many do you think? 679 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,880 Well, I can see... Oh! THEY LAUGH 680 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,480 I can see four in the front. 681 00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:45,720 - 38. - Shut up! - Yes. 682 00:36:45,720 --> 00:36:47,520 - 38? - King Arthur... 683 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,440 ..is out of here. 684 00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,400 Paddy's battered Calypso was in the lead 685 00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:03,080 and with the day drawing to a close, the pressure was now all on Harris. 686 00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:07,520 Oh, lovely. Lovely shot. 687 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:10,200 Oh, here he is! Look at this lad! 688 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,440 HE LAUGHS 689 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:17,840 I tell you what, Chris. Have your arms grown? 690 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,240 Where does your head come to on this? 691 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:22,600 Right. Can we get this done as soon as possible? 692 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,160 - Go and get yourself in the car. - Just go and get in the car, Chris. 693 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,640 Get in the car, Chris! 694 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:32,840 So, 39 balls and the tiny T-Rex wins it. 695 00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:36,200 - Three, two, one... - KLAXON SOUNDS 696 00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:41,960 - Here he comes. - Come on, then. - Right. I've got my own strategy here, boys. 697 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,720 First of all, demonstrate the... Jesus Christ! 698 00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:47,200 - BALLS PING - Whoa, can't see where I'm going. 699 00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,280 Right, so my strategy is to demonstrate the agility of... 700 00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,080 - BALL SMACKS - Christ! 701 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,400 - Whoa! - Oh, right in his face! 702 00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:58,160 I'm deflating. I've deflated. 703 00:37:58,160 --> 00:37:59,640 - BALLS PING - Whoa! 704 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:04,400 - Argh! - I think the dinosaur's popped! 705 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:08,200 This is like a really budget version of Jurassic Park. 706 00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:12,520 - GLASS SHATTERS - Whoa, that was my side window gone. 707 00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:14,360 I can't even see you. Wave. 708 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,840 - Ow! - Oh, nearly took his lamps out. 709 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:22,680 Right, OK. Now, strategy is - park up and let them fire in. 710 00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,280 Come on, fill it up. 711 00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,520 This is... BLEEP! 712 00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:28,440 - BALLS SMACKS - Ow! 713 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:32,880 Whatever Harris's strategy was, it looked like it was working. 714 00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:34,920 - Whoa! - Go on! 715 00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:38,800 - Ow! - Just a bit too well. HE SHOUTS 716 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,080 Right. Making a break for it. 717 00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,240 What's he doing? 718 00:38:44,240 --> 00:38:46,840 - You missed me! - Oh, he's having it now! 719 00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:52,640 Go on, run! Run, dinosaur. Run! 720 00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,400 Get in! 721 00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:58,840 I can't hit them quick enough! I can't hit them quick enough! 722 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,400 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 723 00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:03,440 - BALL SMACKS - Ow! 724 00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,520 All right, Chris? How was that for you? 725 00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,320 What's the scores on the doors, please? 726 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:13,760 - You had 38 to beat, that Paddy had. - Go on. 727 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:15,800 - I can tell you, Chris... - Give me the good news. 728 00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,040 Well, it's not bad news. You got 16. 729 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:22,000 So I had half the size of cabin therefore, if your ratio it, I won. 730 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,160 What's he shouting at? No, you didn't win. 731 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:26,160 - No, I did... - I got double that. 732 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:28,560 Yeah, but you've got a four seater, I've got a two seater... 733 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:30,600 You got out the car, made more room... 734 00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:37,200 So, not only is the Calypso the best convertible in sweaty conditions, 735 00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,840 it's also the most agile. 736 00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:46,720 Yet we couldn't help but reflect that, as summer road trips go, 737 00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:50,840 this one had been unnecessarily harsh on our cars. 738 00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:52,640 Look at this. 739 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:57,360 No windows there, no windows there, no windscreen, no nothing. 740 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:04,400 Now we were finally approaching the Essex coast. 741 00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,640 And as a reward for all our hard work... 742 00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:08,720 BUZZING It's a ladybird. 743 00:40:08,720 --> 00:40:13,480 ..we'd been told to head to a picturesque island 744 00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:15,720 for a relaxing overnight stay. 745 00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:25,400 - What is this? - Challenge! 746 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:29,080 Don't worry, lads, I'll get it. You stay there. 747 00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,080 Jesus! 748 00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:37,600 "We forgot to mention your accommodation is on 749 00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,560 "the other side of the causeway." 750 00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,320 - That's the causeway. - No, that's the sea. 751 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,320 "The tide's coming in. 752 00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,440 "Last to arrive is the winner." 753 00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,280 Last to arrive is the winner. 754 00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,840 So this... I think this is a test of nerve. 755 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,320 This brings me back into the game, lads. 756 00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,120 Two talkers, one thinker. 757 00:40:57,120 --> 00:40:59,440 What, you reckon you're going to wait me out? 758 00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,040 Did you say wet me out? 759 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:02,720 - Wait. - Wait. 760 00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:05,840 Wet me out is a whole different kettle of fish, I think, Chris. 761 00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,160 That's come in quite a bit now, that. 762 00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,000 - Are you going? - See you on the other side, boys. 763 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,800 See you, Paddy. 764 00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:36,960 HE CLUCKS 765 00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:38,760 Clowns. Absolute clowns. 766 00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,320 Look at them! It's already deep as it is. 767 00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,880 - I think it's got quite deep quite quick, that. - Same here. 768 00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,200 Who do you reckon's got the best off road vehicle? 769 00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:51,440 - Mine's very low. - It's got to be that, I reckon. 770 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,240 This is deep up here. This is dee... 771 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:02,040 - They've not even set off! - You're itching to go, aren't you? 772 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,040 You're itching! Chris is giving in! 773 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,040 - Well, it's not about... - Ah, ah, ah! 774 00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,360 Well, we're going to see now, aren't we? 775 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:11,400 What in the name of god? 776 00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,440 HE YELLS 777 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,800 Oh. Oh, my word. 778 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:23,320 I'm going. 779 00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,360 Ah, he's gone. See you, Chris! 780 00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,280 Go on, then. 781 00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:34,600 I've gambled. This is my only shot at glory. 782 00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,320 Go on! Argh! 783 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,600 She's dying on me. Come on, Calypso! 784 00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:45,480 Come on. Come on. 785 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:49,400 I mean, that doesn't look good to me, does it? 786 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,800 Lock it in first, get a bow wave going. 787 00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,840 I've died straight away. 788 00:43:03,240 --> 00:43:05,280 Come on, Chris. 789 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:10,160 - You... - CRUNCH 790 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,560 CHRIS LAUGHS 791 00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,040 He's pushing me! Fred's pushing me! 792 00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:20,120 - Come on, LeBaron! - Come on, LeBaron! 793 00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:24,120 Just when you needed it, he steps up, Harris! 794 00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:27,320 It's pushing the Merc! 795 00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:30,040 Come on, baby! Come on! 796 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:33,080 Yes. Go on. Come on, dig in. Dig in! 797 00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:34,920 Dig in, let's go. 798 00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,520 Oh, it's getting deeper. 799 00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:40,360 Oh, God. There's a lot of water in here. 800 00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:42,720 Come on, Harris. Put your foot down. Use your foot. 801 00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:44,480 My engine's cut out! 802 00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:47,080 - What? I'm just pushing you? - Yeah. 803 00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,440 Keep going, keep going, baby. 804 00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:53,240 Keep going. Keep going, baby. 805 00:43:53,240 --> 00:43:55,160 So near! 806 00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:58,600 Looks like we're doing it! We're doing it! 807 00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,560 Come on, LeBaron! 808 00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:03,640 What a car this is, Chris! What a car! 809 00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:05,720 Everyone doubted LeBaron. 810 00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:08,800 I could have got a Saab, I could have got an Audi TT... 811 00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:11,000 CRUNCHING 812 00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:13,320 ENGINE STUTTERS 813 00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:19,120 Harris, you absolute weapon! 814 00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:24,800 Come on, we're nearly there! We're nearly there! 815 00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,360 Please, go on. Go on. 816 00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:30,080 No, keep going, girl. Keep going. Please don't... 817 00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,200 Yes! 818 00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,640 Oh, my God! I'm over. 819 00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:45,400 Yes! Woo! 820 00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:48,600 Come on! 821 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:50,600 Come on! 822 00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:54,320 This is your fault, Harris. 823 00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:59,400 I'm on dry land, I'm on terra firma. 824 00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:01,320 Come on, Calypso! 825 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:04,440 Woohoo! 826 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:10,160 Chris, is that you I can see in the middle of the sea? 827 00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:12,480 - Wahey! - HE LAUGHS 828 00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:27,240 Jesus wept. What are they doing? 829 00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,520 HE LAUGHS 830 00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:33,560 I'm stuck! I'm stuck! 831 00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:38,680 I feel like I'm... You know, like, a teacher in charge of a creche? 832 00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:40,360 THEY LAUGH 833 00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:43,960 That's exactly what it feels like. 834 00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:50,600 But the creche is full of middle-aged bell ends. 835 00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:55,080 HE LAUGHS 836 00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,360 Oh, it's in my mouth! 837 00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,160 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 838 00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:13,680 - Is that one of the best things you've ever seen? - That... 839 00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:16,800 Seeing Chris Harris in that dinosaur outfit 840 00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:20,720 was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. 841 00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:24,320 I'll tell you what - best holiday ever. It had everything. 842 00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:27,040 Candyfloss, golf, quick dip in the sea. 843 00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,840 I've booked us in again next year, chaps. Don't worry about that. 844 00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:32,560 But the idea was to decide who'd actually bought best. 845 00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:34,880 So first of all, you're out of the running 846 00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:37,880 because this is one of the worst cars I've ever seen. 847 00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:39,960 - Do you agree? - I'll hold my hands up. 848 00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:42,520 Buying this car was possibly an even worse decision 849 00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:44,920 than whoever made me England cricket captain. 850 00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,000 THEY LAUGH 851 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:51,160 - Terrible. - For 600 quid, boys, the three pointed star. 852 00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,320 The inventors of the motor vehicle. 853 00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:56,480 - Come on. - Chris, it sank. THEY LAUGH 854 00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,560 It's a car, not a boat. 855 00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:03,640 Listen. Let's face it - this car is the star. 856 00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:05,840 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yes. Come on. 857 00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:09,960 Best of British, best of British. 858 00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,280 Paddy, it is the best of a bad bunch. 859 00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:15,440 But are you going to buy an Escort for every cheap car challenge we do? 860 00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:18,120 They keep winning, I'll keep buying 'em. 861 00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:22,280 Let me tell you, you can forget your holidays. Forget Magaluf. 862 00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:25,680 If you want a proper holiday, invest in an old Escort. 863 00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:27,880 That sounds wrong, I know. THEY LAUGH 864 00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:30,720 - Move on. - I never thought I'd say this - can I hear more from Paddy? 865 00:47:30,720 --> 00:47:32,840 No, you can't. No, you can't. 866 00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:35,480 Anyway, earlier on, you remember Chris was reviewing 867 00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:39,040 the new Ariel Atom and he said for that money, you can't go faster. 868 00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:41,120 I tell you what, that is not true, 869 00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:44,960 because he figured there was a way to go even faster for less, 870 00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:47,560 and stitch me right up in the process. 871 00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:57,520 So an Ariel Atom will do 0-60 in 2.8 seconds, 872 00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:02,200 but you can accelerate faster than that, and for a lot less cash. 873 00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:04,400 You just need one of these. 874 00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:12,800 An old Rover Metro, yours for a few hundred quid. 875 00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:16,760 Oh, and you also need one of these. 876 00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:26,280 This is the Luzzone dam in Switzerland. 877 00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:35,800 At over 540ft, it's one of the tallest dams in the world. 878 00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:39,640 You see, in freefall, for example, when dropped from a dam, 879 00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:45,200 a Rover Metro will do 0-60 in 2.7 seconds because of gravity. 880 00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:48,800 But to beat the Atom, 881 00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:51,240 we're not just going to chuck a Metro off a dam. 882 00:48:51,240 --> 00:48:53,480 That would be irresponsible. 883 00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:56,600 Instead, we've got a crane and a very long piece 884 00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,520 of stretchy string. 885 00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,800 That's right. We're going to try and bungee jump a car. 886 00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:06,640 So what we need is a crash test dummy. 887 00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:10,440 Luckily, we've got the biggest dummy of the lot. 888 00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:13,440 Morning. Morning. 889 00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:17,880 Welcome to a dam. 890 00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:19,640 I can see that. 891 00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:25,440 Over 500ft, that, Fred. 892 00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:27,800 - And you're expecting me... - Yeah. 893 00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:30,400 - ..to go down there. - Yeah. 894 00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:33,240 - There. - There. In that. 895 00:49:33,240 --> 00:49:37,240 - A Rover. Could you not get a better car? - Oh, come on. 896 00:49:37,240 --> 00:49:40,320 You're going to go out in a blaze of glory, Fred. 897 00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:43,760 No, Chris. I'm not going to go out. Is that the whole plan? 898 00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:45,720 - Get rid of me? - First things first. 899 00:49:45,720 --> 00:49:48,200 It's a stylish way to go off a dam. 900 00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:50,600 You could have filled it with water at the bottom. 901 00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:53,760 Well, that's the thing about the dam. The water's on that side. 902 00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,240 And on the other side is space. 903 00:49:56,240 --> 00:49:58,600 If I'm going to land on something, I'd sooner it be water. 904 00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:01,680 At 125mph, water is the same as rock, I'm led to believe. 905 00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:03,880 Yeah, it's just in my head, isn't it? That's the thing. 906 00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:06,000 You mean there is something going on in there? 907 00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,800 There's a bit going on at the minute, Chris. 908 00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:09,560 - HE LAUGHS - I'm not going to lie. 909 00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:14,960 So, how have you made it safer? 910 00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:18,000 We've basically strapped in some scaffolding 911 00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:21,200 and attached a massive hook to the back of it. 912 00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,600 I've personally inspected all of the welds 913 00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:25,640 and it looks kind of OK to me. 914 00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:29,360 Kind of OK? So you're sending me over 500ft and it's kind of OK? 915 00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:31,080 Watch the way this folds forward. 916 00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:35,400 - That's just beautiful. - Chris, you've done me here. 917 00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,440 Imagine the write-up in the paper? 918 00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:38,560 Oh. 919 00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:40,920 "Flintoff gone in a bright red Metro. 920 00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:42,960 - "Bungeeing off a dam." - I know. 921 00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:45,760 And just as Ben Stokes has taken all your other glory as well. 922 00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,200 - I mean, it's getting bad, isn't it, Fred? - Yeah. 923 00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:50,440 He'll be doing this one day. He'll be doing it. 924 00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:53,600 When it dries up and he gets injured. 925 00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:56,640 - HE LAUGHS - Jeez! We've all been there. 926 00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:00,200 At this point, I wish I'd have done Strictly. 927 00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:03,200 Clearly, Fred needed some reassurance. 928 00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:06,560 So next, we got straight into the safety briefing. 929 00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:08,960 - Main thing, keep your hands on the steering wheel. - Really? 930 00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:10,840 - What, to steer? - Feet in there. 931 00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:14,640 No. Cut a long story short, once that gets released 932 00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:16,680 and you're in freefall, 933 00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:19,040 if you haven't got your hands on the steering wheel... 934 00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:22,840 - Yeah. - Right? And you're flailing around like a rag doll, 935 00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:25,520 he's not going to be the one that gets his arm ripped off by a bungee. 936 00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:27,360 - It's going to be you. - Oh! - All right? 937 00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:29,440 No, I'm not. It's not going to be me. 938 00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:32,480 So if I hit the ground, this helmet's going to save me, isn't it? 939 00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:34,840 What you need to know is there's nothing loose in the car. 940 00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:36,560 There's nothing loose in the cage. 941 00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:39,280 - Tell you what, I'm feeling a bit loose. - Have you done this before? 942 00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:40,920 Have you done a car bungee before? 943 00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:44,800 I haven't done a car bungee but I've done plenty of car crashes before. 944 00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:47,720 Let's put the neck brace on. So, this is going to be the procedure. 945 00:51:47,720 --> 00:51:51,440 - Yeah. - We're going to lift you up in the crane, 946 00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:54,640 we're going to put you into number ones over the dam. 947 00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:57,960 Once the car comes to its final resting position, 948 00:51:57,960 --> 00:51:59,680 we've got a radio in the car. 949 00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:01,920 You'll hear me say, "Is everything all right, Fred?" 950 00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:05,160 - That's when I want a thumbs up from you. - Yeah. - Right. 951 00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:08,920 No thumbs up from you, we're going to safely lower the car 952 00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:11,840 and myself and the paramedics will come in 953 00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:14,400 and assess the situation from there. 954 00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:18,200 - Hands on the steering wheel, pin yourself into that seat. - Yeah. 955 00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,360 - That's all you need to do. - Tell you what, Fred. 956 00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:22,400 It's got chrome kick plates. Have you seen those? 957 00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:24,600 Chris, at what point of this do you think I'm bothered? 958 00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,400 - Fred. - Yeah. - Any questions? - I don't think so, Darren. 959 00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:30,720 - I'm questioning myself. - Right. - What am I doing here? Why am I here? 960 00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:33,920 I've got an MBE. 961 00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:43,240 Lovely, delicate actions from the crane man. 962 00:52:43,240 --> 00:52:45,520 It's a beautiful crane. Have you checked the crane out? 963 00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:48,440 - Lovely bit of engineering, Fred. - I don't care. 964 00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:51,200 I just want it to stay on top of the dam. 965 00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:58,440 This is just starting to get a little bit real now, 966 00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,720 as I'm about to be perched over the edge. 967 00:53:05,720 --> 00:53:07,720 It's starting to make some funny noises now. 968 00:53:07,720 --> 00:53:09,560 There's a bit of creaking going on. 969 00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,520 Oh, my lord. 970 00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:13,760 MACHINERY GROANS 971 00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:17,440 BLEEP! 972 00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:21,040 This is awful. 973 00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:23,560 I'm just suspended! Ahh, it's wobbling! 974 00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:25,520 CRANE CREAKS 975 00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:31,200 I'm tensing up here. 976 00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:37,000 I'm going to make a slight confession here. 977 00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,200 I'll make two, actually. 978 00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:41,520 One, I'm nervous. 979 00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:47,000 Two, possibly the worst thing I have ever done. 980 00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:49,200 Stay with it, Fred. 981 00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:52,040 I would not like to be in your shoes. 982 00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:53,880 Oh, this is stupid. 983 00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:56,000 CRANE SQUEAKS 984 00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:59,000 It just a really bad noise. 985 00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,280 Try being sat here, you bell end! 986 00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:03,800 This is stupid. Stupid. 987 00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:05,960 I'd like to see Jeremy Clarkson do this. 988 00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:08,040 HE LAUGHS 989 00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:10,000 BLEEP! It's wobbling. Stop wobbling it! 990 00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:15,000 Oh, my... 991 00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:16,920 Oh, my God. 992 00:54:21,080 --> 00:54:23,360 I'm just going to have a moment here. 993 00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,320 Oh, my word. 994 00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:28,440 I don't want to look at the crane, I've just got visions of them movies 995 00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:30,680 when a crane topples over. 996 00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:37,560 BLEEP! Stop wobbling it! 997 00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:39,280 BLEEP the bed! 998 00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:43,800 Whoa. I don't use this phrase lightly, 999 00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:47,840 but that looks sketchy as BLEEP to me, that looks all wrong. 1000 00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,440 Why? Why am I doing this? 1001 00:55:03,680 --> 00:55:05,520 Oh, sheez! 1002 00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:09,200 I don't think he was scared initially, 1003 00:55:09,200 --> 00:55:11,680 but right now I've never seen him like that. 1004 00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:21,960 The engineers had calculated that at the bottom of the drop, 1005 00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:26,240 Freddie in the Metro would exert a massive seven tonnes of force 1006 00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:28,800 through the rope and crane. 1007 00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:32,800 They had to be sure everything was right before releasing the car. 1008 00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:39,160 Fred to production. 1009 00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:42,600 I don't know if anyone's noticed, but I am suspended above a dam 1010 00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:44,840 and I've been here for quite a while now. 1011 00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:48,920 RADIO: Standby, Fred. Doing final checks now. 1012 00:55:50,720 --> 00:55:53,440 Final checks. How long they been planning this for? 1013 00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:55,960 Was the time to make sure everything's right not a while ago? 1014 00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:58,320 Are we not at the point of no return now? 1015 00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:05,720 The worst part about it is, is I don't feel attached. 1016 00:56:05,720 --> 00:56:07,560 Oh, sh... 1017 00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:15,600 It's just gone up a level, now, hasn't it? 1018 00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:17,920 Oh, my word. 1019 00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:21,160 Jesus Christ! 1020 00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:29,480 Tell you what - BLEEP that for a game of soldiers. 1021 00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:34,240 Whoa! 1022 00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,680 Tell you what, Harris, I wasn't budgeting for this! 1023 00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:47,040 - Ha-ha! - Tell you that for sure! Bloody hell! 1024 00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:52,240 Just tell me there's a rope on the back of this car. 1025 00:56:52,240 --> 00:56:55,840 You, my friend, have a considerable pair of berries on you. 1026 00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:57,720 Much bigger than mine. 1027 00:56:57,720 --> 00:56:59,760 I'm not sure where they are at the minute, Chris. 1028 00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:01,920 Somewhere in my stomach. 1029 00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:04,880 I don't think I'll see it again for weeks. 1030 00:57:07,080 --> 00:57:08,920 Oh, God! 1031 00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:12,520 Ugh, get this over with. 1032 00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:21,880 This is one of the most horrific things I've ever done. 1033 00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:27,120 Finally, with everything set... 1034 00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:31,280 ..we got the go-ahead. 1035 00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:40,480 Fred, it's your good friend, Chris Harris, here. 1036 00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:46,480 OK. I'm going to give you a five, four, three, two, one, and on "go", 1037 00:57:46,480 --> 00:57:48,520 you will go. 1038 00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:53,760 On my countdown. 1039 00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:56,240 - Five, four... - BLEEP! Here we go. 1040 00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:58,880 ..three, two, one... 1041 00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:03,440 ..go! 1042 00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:05,240 Oh, BLEEP! That wasn't good. 1043 00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:08,080 What was that? BLEEP! What are you doing? 1044 00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:11,440 Are you messing me about here or what? 1045 00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:14,640 I was all ready to go, I braced myself and I've not done anything. 1046 00:58:16,480 --> 00:58:18,720 Fred, have you got the handbrake on? 1047 00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,040 BRAKE CLICKS 1048 00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,600 Whoa! 1049 00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:57,600 Oh. Oh, my God! 1050 00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:07,680 Aargh! 1051 00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:24,080 Whoa! The Metro! It's managed to stay together! 1052 00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:26,680 Ha-ha! He's only gone and done it, boys. 1053 00:59:29,080 --> 00:59:31,760 Go on, Harris, lad! 1054 00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:34,640 Chrissy Harris, this is for you, son! 1055 00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:37,200 Come on, Fred! 1056 00:59:37,200 --> 00:59:40,360 0-60 in 2.7 seconds. 1057 00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:43,360 Stick it up you, you Ariel Atom! 1058 00:59:43,360 --> 00:59:45,240 We've got you covered! 1059 00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:47,400 Woo! 1060 00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:49,600 This beautiful little red car. 1061 00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:51,880 A beautiful car. 1062 00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:54,560 - Get in! - HE LAUGHS 1063 00:59:55,680 --> 00:59:57,560 Jeez! 1064 00:59:57,560 --> 00:59:59,760 RADIO: Please let's have a thumbs up. A thumbs up. 1065 01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:03,880 - Thank you. - Jeez! 1066 01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:11,440 I think this could end up being my favourite car ever. 1067 01:00:13,000 --> 01:00:16,440 It's definitely going to be the most memorable. That is for sure. 1068 01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:20,320 Metros, I salute you. 1069 01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:32,240 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1070 01:00:35,360 --> 01:00:37,560 Wow! 1071 01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:42,640 Amazing, mate. Absolutely amazing. 1072 01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:49,400 I've got to say, Fred. You, my friend, have absolutely no fear. 1073 01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:50,800 You've also got no brain cells 1074 01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:53,280 and I don't think you're going to live to see your 50s. 1075 01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:56,560 But I'll tell you what - very impressive. 1076 01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:59,320 It was all right. The worst thing about it was waiting. 1077 01:00:59,320 --> 01:01:02,120 I was up there for so long and I thought it was you messing about. 1078 01:01:02,120 --> 01:01:04,120 No, it was all the safety checks. 1079 01:01:04,120 --> 01:01:06,560 - It wasn't the matter of a moment, Fred. - Really? 1080 01:01:06,560 --> 01:01:08,280 I thought you were absolutely brilliant. 1081 01:01:08,280 --> 01:01:11,680 And we found your Top Gear niche. 1082 01:01:11,680 --> 01:01:13,240 - Yeah, falling. - THEY LAUGH 1083 01:01:13,240 --> 01:01:16,400 Yeah, you proved my point ultimately, didn't you? 1084 01:01:16,400 --> 01:01:19,760 You see, if you want to accelerate faster than an Ariel Atom, 1085 01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:22,200 all you need is an old Rover Metro. 1086 01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:23,840 And a massive dam. 1087 01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:25,880 And a 50 person engineering team. 1088 01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:29,000 Yeah, and an ex cricketer with no brain. Top stuff. 1089 01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:30,680 We'll be back next week 1090 01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:34,880 when we pick a fight with the RAF's fightiest fighter jet. 1091 01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:39,000 And I show Land Rover how to build a proper off-roader. See you then. 1092 01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:41,080 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 83107

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