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(theme music playing)
2
00:00:26,714 --> 00:00:29,756
♪ ♪
3
00:00:32,798 --> 00:00:34,964
Larry:
Hello? Mr. Porter?
4
00:00:41,631 --> 00:00:44,005
(blues song plays softly
in background)
5
00:00:44,089 --> 00:00:46,005
Are you Chulu Porter?
6
00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:47,839
-Who are you?
-Um...
7
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:51,255
My name is Larry David,
and I've been looking
all over for you.
8
00:00:51,339 --> 00:00:54,214
-Oh. Come on in.
-Thank you.
9
00:00:54,297 --> 00:00:56,297
-Have a seat.
-Um...
10
00:00:57,631 --> 00:00:58,964
So...
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00:00:59,631 --> 00:01:03,381
You were the pastry chef
at the Waldorf Astoria
in New York. Were you not?
12
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,381
It's been a while,
long time ago.
13
00:01:05,464 --> 00:01:07,589
What a hotel. I mean,
there were a couple
of problems,
14
00:01:07,673 --> 00:01:11,381
like the air conditioning
was... not great, I have to say.
15
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I like a cold room, Chulu,
you know, 64 degrees.
16
00:01:14,089 --> 00:01:16,631
-Mm-hmm.
-And the tub was too small.
But besides that,
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00:01:16,714 --> 00:01:18,881
what I loved about it was,
every morning,
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00:01:18,964 --> 00:01:21,172
I'd go downstairs
to the restaurant,
19
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and I'd have a cup of coffee,
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and a scone.
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-And those scones were
the best scones I've ever had...
-(Chulu chuckles)
22
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,172
...anywhere in my--
I've never forgotten them.
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00:01:31,255 --> 00:01:33,172
Well, I was known
for my scones.
24
00:01:33,255 --> 00:01:36,005
Anyway, I'm opening up
a coffee shop, and...
25
00:01:36,673 --> 00:01:38,631
I need you to make me
those scones.
26
00:01:38,714 --> 00:01:41,047
I'm sorry, I haven't
touched a whisk...
27
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20 years.
28
00:01:42,464 --> 00:01:46,047
See, Chulu,
the thing is,
there's this man.
29
00:01:46,130 --> 00:01:48,339
He's got this coffee place.
He's...
30
00:01:48,422 --> 00:01:50,589
kicked me out of it.
He's banned me from it.
31
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And I opened up a place
next door to his.
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00:01:53,089 --> 00:01:55,297
I've sworn revenge,
and with your help,
33
00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:57,089
maybe I can get it.
34
00:01:57,172 --> 00:01:59,756
-Oh, a spite store.
-Spite store, right.
35
00:01:59,839 --> 00:02:01,964
Well, what's this
guy's name, anyway?
36
00:02:02,047 --> 00:02:05,339
-(spaghetti western music plays)
-He goes by the name of...
37
00:02:05,964 --> 00:02:07,422
Mocha Joe.
38
00:02:07,506 --> 00:02:10,089
Did you say Mocha Joe?
39
00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:11,255
You know him?
40
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:13,339
Nasty motherfucker.
41
00:02:14,422 --> 00:02:15,756
(timer dings)
42
00:02:16,881 --> 00:02:20,381
(suspenseful music plays)
43
00:02:26,005 --> 00:02:28,756
Well... whatcha think?
44
00:02:31,589 --> 00:02:33,923
-Pretty good!
-(laughs)
45
00:02:34,005 --> 00:02:37,172
Pretty... pretty...
46
00:02:37,756 --> 00:02:40,089
pretty, pretty good.
47
00:02:41,047 --> 00:02:42,881
Yeah, I was just trying
to stop her from leaving,
48
00:02:42,964 --> 00:02:45,381
-so as I grabbed her wrist--
-Sure, Larry, but I think--
49
00:02:45,464 --> 00:02:47,714
I think we're beyond
the details of what happened
at this point,
50
00:02:47,798 --> 00:02:49,798
because her attitude
has completely changed.
51
00:02:49,881 --> 00:02:51,547
Alice and her attorneys
are out for blood,
52
00:02:51,631 --> 00:02:54,923
and I think the priority now
is keeping this from
going public.
53
00:02:55,005 --> 00:02:57,631
You know, you have, uh,
Seinfeld syndication,
54
00:02:57,714 --> 00:02:59,005
you have the Hulu deal.
55
00:02:59,089 --> 00:03:01,422
You don't want headlines
about you being sued
56
00:03:01,506 --> 00:03:03,214
for sexual harassment
by a former assistant.
57
00:03:03,297 --> 00:03:06,005
Side-sitting,
I can't believe
what it did to me.
58
00:03:06,089 --> 00:03:07,464
I think, unfortunately,
we're in a different
59
00:03:07,547 --> 00:03:09,255
category now,
settlement-wise.
60
00:03:09,339 --> 00:03:12,339
But, uh, in your case,
I think it's eminently worth it
61
00:03:12,422 --> 00:03:15,964
for the value to you
of having this thing
over with
62
00:03:16,047 --> 00:03:18,923
and not lying around
to be discovered by the public.
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00:03:20,172 --> 00:03:22,798
What?
Get the fuck outta here!
64
00:03:22,881 --> 00:03:24,881
-Are you kidding? What?
-Roger: Well, that's not it--
65
00:03:24,964 --> 00:03:26,172
That money is not for her.
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00:03:26,255 --> 00:03:28,798
It's for a charity called
Survivors United,
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00:03:28,881 --> 00:03:30,964
devoted to victims
of sexual harassment.
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00:03:31,047 --> 00:03:33,798
-Alice's charity of choice.
-Yeah, my, my cousin Andy's wife
69
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,047
is involved with that.
Cassie. Yeah.
-Roger: That's great,
70
00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:39,089
because in addition
to the financial remuneration,
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00:03:39,172 --> 00:03:41,839
they would like you to,
uh, make a speech.
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00:03:41,923 --> 00:03:44,714
They want me to make a speech?
What am I supposed to say?
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00:03:44,798 --> 00:03:48,172
I think she wants you to,
in a public way,
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00:03:48,255 --> 00:03:51,297
show contrition and show
that this has moved
you a step forward,
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00:03:51,381 --> 00:03:53,339
that you've evolved as
a result of this experience.
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00:03:53,422 --> 00:03:55,881
I'm gonna call Alice's attorneys
immediately to let her know
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00:03:55,964 --> 00:03:58,172
-that you're on board with this.
-(crunches)
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00:03:58,255 --> 00:04:00,339
What are you doing?
79
00:04:01,047 --> 00:04:03,172
-I think I'm eating an apple.
-Okay.
80
00:04:03,255 --> 00:04:04,714
I'm worried you're not
taking this seriously.
81
00:04:04,798 --> 00:04:06,214
You're blithely
eating an apple here.
82
00:04:06,297 --> 00:04:07,714
-We're really talking about--
-"Blithely eating"--
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00:04:07,798 --> 00:04:09,339
There's no other way
to eat an apple but blithely.
84
00:04:09,422 --> 00:04:11,214
-Yeah, but I need you--
-That's how apples are eaten.
85
00:04:11,297 --> 00:04:13,464
I think you're
incorrect about that.
My dad ate angry apples
86
00:04:13,547 --> 00:04:14,839
-all the time.
-Larry: An angry apple?
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00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:16,589
He communicated a tremendous
amount of hostility--
88
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,589
-Cannot eat an apple angry.
It's impossible.
-In fact, I think
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00:04:18,673 --> 00:04:20,756
there are a lot of
emotional colors available
when eating an apple.
90
00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:22,631
-Not just blitheness.
-Well, I completely
disagree with you.
91
00:04:22,714 --> 00:04:24,673
I'm concerned you're not
taking this seriously.
92
00:04:25,005 --> 00:04:27,881
I'm, I'm taking it seriously!
I'm gonna pay a shitload
of money,
93
00:04:27,964 --> 00:04:29,881
and I'm gonna make
a fuckin' speech
94
00:04:29,964 --> 00:04:31,673
about something
I-I know nothing about.
95
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Those aren't even apples
for eating, anyway.
They're decorative.
96
00:04:34,506 --> 00:04:36,130
Decorative?
What, are you kidding?
97
00:04:36,214 --> 00:04:38,005
What? I've never
heard of that in my life.
Why don't you get
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00:04:38,089 --> 00:04:39,673
-the artificial fruit?
-You never heard of
decorative apples?
99
00:04:39,756 --> 00:04:41,381
Yes, and they're artificial.
100
00:04:41,464 --> 00:04:43,673
I never heard of anybody
using real fruit
101
00:04:43,756 --> 00:04:45,297
as, for decoration purposes.
102
00:04:45,381 --> 00:04:47,839
Larry, I'd feel better
if we just stopped
the eating for now,
103
00:04:47,923 --> 00:04:50,714
just long enough to get
a few basic points down
104
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-for the speech.
Okay. No eating.
-Okay. No worries.
105
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-(apple thuds)
-I'll put the apple away.
106
00:04:55,881 --> 00:04:57,756
-Just... Yeah.
-What?
107
00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,381
Now I have a half-eaten apple
in my, uh, basket, here.
108
00:05:00,464 --> 00:05:02,422
(stammers) Where are
you supposed to put it?
109
00:05:02,506 --> 00:05:03,923
It's a garbage--
It's a garbage can.
110
00:05:04,005 --> 00:05:06,464
Larry, it's not a garbage can.
That's a, that's...
111
00:05:06,547 --> 00:05:08,464
It's an unlined receptacle
112
00:05:08,547 --> 00:05:11,089
-that's sitting next to a desk.
-Yes, for garbage!
113
00:05:11,172 --> 00:05:12,422
It's for paper.
It's not a lined garbage can.
114
00:05:12,506 --> 00:05:13,881
How am I supposed to know
it's for paper?
115
00:05:13,964 --> 00:05:16,130
If I see a garbage can,
I throw garbage in there.
116
00:05:16,214 --> 00:05:17,839
I think you're conflating
garbage with paper.
117
00:05:17,923 --> 00:05:20,547
-I mean, it's, really,
it's for paper, it's not...
-Yeah.
118
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This is the oddest office.
119
00:05:21,798 --> 00:05:22,923
You have fruit
that's not for eating,
120
00:05:23,005 --> 00:05:24,464
you have garbage
that's not for garbage,
121
00:05:24,547 --> 00:05:26,339
and you have a bathroom
that nobody can use.
122
00:05:26,422 --> 00:05:27,923
It's unbelievable.
123
00:05:28,005 --> 00:05:30,172
♪ ♪
124
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Hot off the presses, baby.
125
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This is it.
This is the scone.
126
00:05:35,798 --> 00:05:37,964
-Go head. Take a bite.
-I'm good.
127
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-What?
-I'm good.
128
00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:41,714
What are you--
What are you, nuts?
Take a bite.
129
00:05:41,798 --> 00:05:43,506
-I'm good.
-How are you good?
130
00:05:43,589 --> 00:05:45,714
-I'll eat it later.
-All right. Fine.
131
00:05:46,214 --> 00:05:48,714
Hey. So, get this.
132
00:05:48,798 --> 00:05:50,923
I have to do this speech
133
00:05:51,005 --> 00:05:53,047
at a Survivor's United event.
134
00:05:53,130 --> 00:05:56,130
Remember that psychotic
assistant I had who thought
you were Harvey Weinstein?
135
00:05:56,214 --> 00:05:57,631
This is all because of her.
I have to give a speech,
136
00:05:57,714 --> 00:05:59,422
I have to give money
to the organization--
137
00:05:59,506 --> 00:06:01,464
-Speech and money.
That's bullshit.
-Yeah--
138
00:06:01,547 --> 00:06:04,089
-By the way, a lot of money.
-You didn't do anything!
139
00:06:04,172 --> 00:06:05,839
-I know.
I didn't do anything.
-That's bullshit!
140
00:06:05,923 --> 00:06:07,923
Total bullshit.
I'm so pissed.
141
00:06:08,005 --> 00:06:10,464
Susie:
Ah-ah-ah, Lar.
It's fake.
142
00:06:11,089 --> 00:06:13,339
-What? (scoffs)
-It's artificial fruit.
143
00:06:13,422 --> 00:06:15,673
-Good, right?
-Holy mackerel.
144
00:06:15,756 --> 00:06:17,631
I know.
There's no fruit flies,
nothing.
145
00:06:17,714 --> 00:06:20,506
-It just sits there all day
looking beautiful.
-Holy mackerel.
146
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,673
My mother would
go nuts for this.
147
00:06:22,756 --> 00:06:24,631
-They didn't make 'em
like that in the old days.
-Larry: No, my God.
148
00:06:24,714 --> 00:06:26,214
This is a whole new technology.
149
00:06:26,297 --> 00:06:28,255
Do me a favor.
Text me the number
of where you got this.
150
00:06:28,339 --> 00:06:30,631
All right.
Jeff, what is that piece
of shit you're eating?
151
00:06:30,714 --> 00:06:32,047
-Larry: Piece of shit?
-Susie: Yeah.
152
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:33,923
That piece of shit
happens to be a scone
153
00:06:34,005 --> 00:06:35,923
that I'm gonna be selling
at, uh, Latte Larry's.
154
00:06:36,005 --> 00:06:37,547
Uck. I don't like a scone.
155
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,130
-Oh, you don't?
Who cares what you like?
-Susie: No.
156
00:06:39,214 --> 00:06:40,798
You have such pedestrian
taste anyway.
157
00:06:40,881 --> 00:06:43,881
I like a delicious,
moist cupcake.
158
00:06:43,964 --> 00:06:46,214
-What is that?
-Susie: What?
159
00:06:46,297 --> 00:06:47,756
That picture.
160
00:06:49,964 --> 00:06:51,631
Susie: What?
Oh, remember that wedding
161
00:06:51,714 --> 00:06:53,214
in Malibu, the four of us?
162
00:06:53,297 --> 00:06:55,172
We used to have such
good times together.
163
00:06:55,255 --> 00:06:57,714
Oh, that was so nice, Jeff.
Remember that?
164
00:06:57,798 --> 00:06:59,673
This picture is very
painful for me now.
165
00:06:59,756 --> 00:07:01,422
Why? 'Cause Cheryl's in it?
166
00:07:01,506 --> 00:07:02,964
Yeah. I want you
to take it down.
167
00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:05,172
I'm not taking it down.
It's part of our history.
168
00:07:05,255 --> 00:07:07,964
I'm not gonna
deny our history,
or rewrite it.
169
00:07:08,047 --> 00:07:09,714
It's like looking at
a Confederate war monument.
170
00:07:09,798 --> 00:07:12,297
-It's a history that's
very hurtful for me.
-Well, I'm sorry.
171
00:07:12,381 --> 00:07:14,673
I want to honor our history,
our heritage.
172
00:07:14,756 --> 00:07:17,255
This picture being up
is very offensive to me, Susie.
173
00:07:17,339 --> 00:07:19,297
Well, I'm sorry!
Put it the fuck back!
174
00:07:19,381 --> 00:07:22,255
And get that
fuckin' crusty scone
out of my house, too.
175
00:07:22,339 --> 00:07:25,506
-Taste it, will ya?
-I... I'm good.
176
00:07:27,130 --> 00:07:28,881
Larry:
I'm gonna go out
on a limb and tell you,
177
00:07:28,964 --> 00:07:31,589
this is gonna be one
of the best scones you've
ever had in your life.
178
00:07:31,673 --> 00:07:34,005
-Really? I can't wait.
Can't wait. Okay.
-I'm just telling you. Okay?
179
00:07:34,089 --> 00:07:35,756
-And I'm not even
overselling it.
-They look great.
180
00:07:35,839 --> 00:07:37,798
What are these?
Are these chocolate chips
or are they blueberries?
181
00:07:37,881 --> 00:07:39,673
-Chips.
-Whoa.
182
00:07:41,547 --> 00:07:42,798
Mm-mm.
183
00:07:42,881 --> 00:07:44,506
-Mm-mm. Mm-mm. No.
-What?
184
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,964
-They're not good.
They're not good.
-What are you--
185
00:07:46,047 --> 00:07:47,881
-What are you talking about?
-It's dry.
186
00:07:47,964 --> 00:07:49,673
-What? You're crazy.
-Oh, my God.
187
00:07:49,756 --> 00:07:51,297
I mean, it's like
I could out there and choke,
188
00:07:51,381 --> 00:07:53,130
-eating this thing.
-Scones are, scones are dry.
189
00:07:53,214 --> 00:07:55,255
-Well, then, okay.
Well, then, okay.
-They're supposed to be dry.
190
00:07:55,339 --> 00:07:56,881
-Then you got
what you paid for.
-Yeah.
191
00:07:56,964 --> 00:07:59,506
'Cause I've never
tasted anything dry,
this granuley.
192
00:07:59,589 --> 00:08:01,964
It's like a buttermilk biscuit
without the buttermilk.
193
00:08:02,047 --> 00:08:04,422
Then don't come in the store!
Go to Mocha Joe's!
194
00:08:04,506 --> 00:08:07,214
Stop it.
I'm not gonna get into--
Oh, what a pretty sweater.
195
00:08:07,297 --> 00:08:09,631
-Oh, this is so nice.
Where'd you get this?
-Yeah. Cheryl gave it to me.
196
00:08:09,714 --> 00:08:11,964
-Cheryl gave it to me.
Get out of here.
-Where is this from?
197
00:08:12,047 --> 00:08:13,714
-Who the hell cares?
-Hold on. Okay, okay.
198
00:08:13,798 --> 00:08:16,673
It's like a fireplace
cardigan, is what it is.
-Huh?
199
00:08:16,756 --> 00:08:18,714
Hey, Larry.
200
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:21,589
I was just gonna call you.
I'm so happy to see you.
201
00:08:21,673 --> 00:08:23,798
-Larry: Oh, really?
-You're like my hero.
202
00:08:23,881 --> 00:08:27,130
You gave-- He gave the biggest,
I mean, the biggest donation
203
00:08:27,214 --> 00:08:28,964
-to Survivors United.
-Stop it.
204
00:08:29,047 --> 00:08:31,089
-You did?
Why didn't you tell me?
-Yeah, I did.
205
00:08:31,172 --> 00:08:32,964
Uh, you know,
I give to a lot of charities.
206
00:08:33,047 --> 00:08:34,881
I don't tell everybody,
you know. I just...
207
00:08:34,964 --> 00:08:37,005
-It's really sweet.
-Well, you know,
you were
208
00:08:37,089 --> 00:08:38,673
connected with it,
so I thought
209
00:08:38,756 --> 00:08:40,506
it would be a nice,
uh, gesture, you know.
210
00:08:40,589 --> 00:08:42,172
-You didn't?
-Is that why you did that?
211
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:45,047
That's part of the reason,
and I think it's a great cause.
212
00:08:45,130 --> 00:08:48,339
-That almost makes me cry.
That is the sweetest thing ever.
-Ha!
213
00:08:48,422 --> 00:08:51,130
-And you're doing a speech.
-Wait till you hear the speech.
214
00:08:51,214 --> 00:08:54,130
-Listen, I want to ask
you a favor, okay?
-Larry: Sure.
215
00:08:54,214 --> 00:08:56,005
Uh, you've already
done so much,
216
00:08:56,089 --> 00:08:57,631
so this shouldn't be
that big of a deal.
217
00:08:57,714 --> 00:08:59,381
I just need a doodle from you.
218
00:08:59,464 --> 00:09:02,172
-We're doing like an auction
with celebrity doodles.
-Doodle.
219
00:09:02,255 --> 00:09:04,005
I don't really draw at all.
220
00:09:04,089 --> 00:09:06,339
-It's a doodle.
-It doesn't matter.
That's the whole point.
221
00:09:06,422 --> 00:09:09,547
-It's a doodle.
-It's literally like
"This is a Larry David doodle."
222
00:09:09,631 --> 00:09:12,047
-Doesn't matter
what it looks like.
-I can do a doodle.
223
00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:13,964
-Okay. Thank you.
Thank you, truly.
-Okay. Yeah, sure.
224
00:09:14,047 --> 00:09:15,714
-Andy: You're a pal.
-Thank you for the doodle.
225
00:09:15,798 --> 00:09:17,714
-Yeah.
-So what'd you get
for dinner?
226
00:09:17,798 --> 00:09:18,923
Uh, we're gonna
have artichokes,
227
00:09:19,005 --> 00:09:20,714
which we haven't
had in forever,
228
00:09:20,798 --> 00:09:22,589
and I'm gonna roast
a chicken, and--
229
00:09:22,673 --> 00:09:24,339
-What's going on?
What's going on?
-No, no, no, no.
230
00:09:24,422 --> 00:09:26,547
-Please don't. No, no.
Please don't do that.
-Larry: What?
231
00:09:26,631 --> 00:09:29,881
-I-- Sorry.
We don't use this.
-Cassie: Yeah.
232
00:09:29,964 --> 00:09:31,714
We throw our trash
in the pantry.
233
00:09:31,798 --> 00:09:33,673
So what is this?
This is a show can?
234
00:09:33,756 --> 00:09:36,589
It indicates that we know
how to throw things out.
235
00:09:36,673 --> 00:09:37,923
I-I can't believe
what's going on.
236
00:09:38,005 --> 00:09:39,756
The same thing happened
in my lawyer's office.
237
00:09:39,839 --> 00:09:41,297
Well, we like to keep
the place clean.
238
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,547
I was keeping the place clean
239
00:09:42,631 --> 00:09:44,297
by throwing my garbage
in the garbage.
240
00:09:44,381 --> 00:09:46,047
We don't even have
a liner in there.
Take a look.
241
00:09:46,130 --> 00:09:47,839
-We don't,
we don't use that at all.
-I can't, I can't have it.
242
00:09:47,923 --> 00:09:49,422
So if I have some garbage
in my hand and I say,
243
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,714
-"Where's the garbage can?"
-Yeah.
244
00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:52,756
-What do you say?
-We say the garbage can
245
00:09:52,839 --> 00:09:54,255
-is here.
-Garbage can is here.
246
00:09:54,339 --> 00:09:55,839
-Throw it in the pantry.
-Yeah.
247
00:09:56,756 --> 00:09:58,297
-Okay.
-Cassie: Okay.
248
00:09:58,381 --> 00:10:00,255
♪ ♪
249
00:10:00,339 --> 00:10:01,798
What the hell are
you doing here?
250
00:10:01,881 --> 00:10:03,255
Yeah.
I want you to taste this.
251
00:10:03,339 --> 00:10:04,589
Yeah, but you know
I don't like surprises.
252
00:10:04,673 --> 00:10:05,839
Oh, shut up.
253
00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:07,964
-Here. Taste this.
-Oh.
254
00:10:08,047 --> 00:10:09,381
-It's a scone.
-Scone.
255
00:10:09,464 --> 00:10:10,589
-Yeah.
-Forget about it.
256
00:10:10,673 --> 00:10:13,255
-What?
-I would never touch a scone.
257
00:10:13,339 --> 00:10:14,714
-(scoffs) Are you nuts?
-It's hard and it--
258
00:10:14,798 --> 00:10:16,422
-and it breaks off.
-Yeah, it's good.
259
00:10:16,506 --> 00:10:18,255
-That's the way
it's supposed to be.
-Then the powder falls
260
00:10:18,339 --> 00:10:20,798
all over the floor,
and then you gotta vacuum
after you eat.
261
00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:23,089
Who needs all this shit
when you're eating a snack?
262
00:10:23,172 --> 00:10:24,839
-What are you,
a senile old man?
-No!
263
00:10:24,923 --> 00:10:26,881
-You're eating
all over yourself? Huh?
-No. I wanna-- No.
264
00:10:26,964 --> 00:10:29,923
It's the scone's fault.
If it's-- Put it away.
265
00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:31,297
I'm sorry Funkhouser's
not around.
266
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,964
-He loves scones.
-He's in China.
267
00:10:33,047 --> 00:10:35,089
-When's he coming back?
-I don't know,
but he would hate it.
268
00:10:35,172 --> 00:10:38,089
He would love it.
I've had coffee with
Funkhouser many times.
269
00:10:38,172 --> 00:10:39,714
Scones are his pastry
of choice. Okay?
270
00:10:39,798 --> 00:10:41,464
Yeah, by the way,
what a sweater.
271
00:10:41,547 --> 00:10:43,923
You know
I don't like sweaters,
but that's gorgeous.
272
00:10:44,005 --> 00:10:45,714
-Really?
Okay, you know what?
-Gorgeous. What?
273
00:10:45,798 --> 00:10:47,255
-Here, take it.
I don't want it.
-Oh, come on.
274
00:10:47,339 --> 00:10:49,923
Cheryl gave it to me,
and I don't like the reminder.
275
00:10:50,005 --> 00:10:52,631
-Thank you very much.
-It hurts me to wear it,
actually.
276
00:10:52,714 --> 00:10:54,589
Well, it won't hurt me
if I ever wear it.
277
00:10:54,673 --> 00:10:57,005
-All right. Are we having
lunch tomorrow?
-Zaragoza.
278
00:10:57,089 --> 00:10:58,130
(with Castilian accent):
Tharagoza.
279
00:10:58,214 --> 00:10:59,547
What happened?
You bite your tongue?
280
00:10:59,631 --> 00:11:01,714
-It's Castilian.
-Really?
What's Castilian mean?
281
00:11:01,798 --> 00:11:05,297
-Isn't that a soup?
-Castilian. It's a dialect
of, of Spanish.
282
00:11:05,381 --> 00:11:07,673
And they pronounce
their "Z"s as "TH"s.
283
00:11:07,756 --> 00:11:10,547
-(in Castilian accent):
Tha, Tharagoza.
-All right, but I'm paying.
284
00:11:10,631 --> 00:11:12,589
You're paying for what?
Lunch?
285
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,714
-I, I-- You have
never paid for me.
-That's what you think.
286
00:11:14,798 --> 00:11:17,506
-I'm paying, okay.
You're not gonna--
-You are not paying,
287
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,798
because I have my own bread,
and I can treat you.
288
00:11:19,881 --> 00:11:21,381
I know you can,
and you always do.
289
00:11:21,464 --> 00:11:23,339
You never let me pay,
and I'm sick of it.
290
00:11:23,422 --> 00:11:26,339
-No, fuck you, and I'm paying.
-Fuck you, you're not paying.
I'm paying.
291
00:11:26,422 --> 00:11:27,714
-Yeah, we'll see.
-Yeah, we'll see.
292
00:11:27,798 --> 00:11:29,255
-Yeah, we'll see.
-Yeah, we will see.
293
00:11:29,339 --> 00:11:30,798
Take your scones and
get the hell out of here
and I'll s--
294
00:11:30,881 --> 00:11:32,172
Yeah, with pleasure.
295
00:11:32,255 --> 00:11:34,547
But before I go, I think
I'll just leave you one.
296
00:11:34,631 --> 00:11:35,964
-Just in case.
-Yeah, thanks a lot.
297
00:11:36,047 --> 00:11:38,839
Fuck you. I'm paying,
and I'll see you tomorrow.
298
00:11:38,923 --> 00:11:41,297
-You fuckin' idiot.
-(scone thunks)
299
00:11:45,047 --> 00:11:47,923
-Welcome back to Zaragoza.
-Thank you very much.
300
00:11:48,005 --> 00:11:50,130
Do you know I have
a reservation tomorrow?
301
00:11:50,214 --> 00:11:52,631
I'm having lunch
with Richard Lewis.
You know him?
302
00:11:52,714 --> 00:11:55,172
Yeah, yeah.
He always comes earlier
to leave us the card.
303
00:11:55,255 --> 00:11:57,255
-I want to pay tomorrow.
-Okay.
304
00:11:57,339 --> 00:11:59,130
And so, I want to beat him
to the punch.
305
00:11:59,214 --> 00:12:00,881
That's why I'm here,
306
00:12:00,964 --> 00:12:02,631
'cause I want to leave
my credit card.
307
00:12:02,714 --> 00:12:06,130
-Now?
-Yes. This will be
for my bill tomorrow.
308
00:12:06,214 --> 00:12:08,589
No, we're not comfortable
doing that.
309
00:12:08,673 --> 00:12:10,047
Why? What's the big deal?
310
00:12:10,339 --> 00:12:13,130
It's too much responsibility,
because it may get stolen.
311
00:12:13,214 --> 00:12:16,172
Listen, listen.
He's just gonna come
very early tomorrow.
312
00:12:16,255 --> 00:12:17,798
He's gonna give you
the credit card.
313
00:12:17,881 --> 00:12:19,839
I want to pay.
Just take my credit card.
314
00:12:19,923 --> 00:12:21,464
Beat him. Come earlier.
315
00:12:21,547 --> 00:12:24,506
I, I don't wanna come
at six o'clock in the morning.
I, I, I--
316
00:12:24,589 --> 00:12:26,589
I'm so sorry.
I mean, I wish I could, but I--
317
00:12:26,673 --> 00:12:29,005
Wh-- Where's Francisco?
He'll take it.
318
00:12:29,089 --> 00:12:31,881
-He waits on me all the time.
-Unfortunately, his auntie died.
319
00:12:31,964 --> 00:12:34,756
He's at the visitación
of Concepción Zarzal.
320
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,005
He's where?
321
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,673
-His auntie died.
-Yeah.
322
00:12:38,756 --> 00:12:41,422
So he's at the visitación
of Concepción Zarzal.
323
00:12:41,506 --> 00:12:43,255
Concepción Zarzal?
324
00:12:43,339 --> 00:12:47,589
-Yes. Yes.
-Oh, that's her name,
Concepción Zarzal.
325
00:12:47,673 --> 00:12:49,923
-Oh.
-By the way,
your friend Ted Danson
326
00:12:50,005 --> 00:12:52,005
came yesterday with
a very attractive blonde.
327
00:12:52,089 --> 00:12:54,381
-Oh, did he?
-Yeah, they had
a fantastic time.
328
00:12:54,464 --> 00:12:55,631
What, wh--
329
00:12:55,714 --> 00:12:58,714
Cecilio? What was the name
of yesterday's blonde?
330
00:12:58,798 --> 00:13:00,506
-Cheryl.
-Cheryl.
331
00:13:00,589 --> 00:13:03,381
-You know her?
-I do, yeah.
332
00:13:03,464 --> 00:13:05,089
Lucky you.
333
00:13:05,172 --> 00:13:06,422
Okay.
334
00:13:06,506 --> 00:13:08,631
♪ ♪
335
00:13:12,923 --> 00:13:17,047
Where is the location
of that visitation?
336
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,839
La dirección de la visitación
de Concepción Zarzal.
337
00:13:19,923 --> 00:13:21,631
Yeah. Yeah, that one.
338
00:13:21,714 --> 00:13:23,547
♪ ♪
339
00:13:24,255 --> 00:13:25,798
Yeah.
340
00:13:25,881 --> 00:13:28,506
(voices murmuring)
341
00:13:31,297 --> 00:13:34,381
(whispering):
Lo siento. Lo siento.
342
00:13:35,172 --> 00:13:36,589
Lo, lo siento.
343
00:13:36,673 --> 00:13:39,381
Oh, sorry. Excuse me.
Con permiso.
344
00:13:39,464 --> 00:13:42,047
(sobbing quietly)
345
00:13:42,714 --> 00:13:44,714
-Francisco.
-Larry.
346
00:13:44,798 --> 00:13:48,297
-Lo siento. Lo siento.
-Thank you.
Thank you for coming.
347
00:13:48,381 --> 00:13:51,547
-Lo siento.
-Did, did you know
my aunt, Concepción?
348
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:53,214
I didn't know her.
349
00:13:53,297 --> 00:13:54,631
Um,
350
00:13:54,714 --> 00:13:57,089
I'm sure she was
a wonderful woman.
351
00:13:57,172 --> 00:13:59,422
-She was like a mother to me.
-Is that so?
352
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,756
-Yes.
-Let me ask you
a question. Are you...
353
00:14:01,839 --> 00:14:03,964
working at, uh,
Zaragoza tomorrow?
354
00:14:04,339 --> 00:14:05,756
-Zaragoza?
-Zaragoza.
355
00:14:05,839 --> 00:14:07,506
-Yes, of course.
-Oh, okay.
356
00:14:07,589 --> 00:14:09,839
-'Cause I'm having lunch
with Richard Lewis.
-Okay.
357
00:14:09,923 --> 00:14:12,172
-And--
-Can, can we talk
about this another time?
358
00:14:12,255 --> 00:14:14,130
Yeah, yeah.
It'll take two seconds.
359
00:14:14,214 --> 00:14:15,964
Um, and he always
pays for lunch.
360
00:14:16,047 --> 00:14:18,130
-I'd just like to get
a little head start on him...
-Yeah, okay, okay.
361
00:14:18,214 --> 00:14:20,047
...and just give you
my credit card beforehand.
362
00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:21,839
-Is that possible?
-(sighs) Please.
363
00:14:21,923 --> 00:14:23,839
-Would, would you
mind doing that?
-Seriously?
364
00:14:23,923 --> 00:14:26,381
Lo siento. Lo siento.
I'm sorry.
365
00:14:26,464 --> 00:14:29,172
Ah, thank you.
Hey.
366
00:14:29,255 --> 00:14:31,422
-What the--
What are you doing here?
-Me? What are you doing here?
367
00:14:31,506 --> 00:14:33,839
-What are you doing here?
-Francisco, I'm so sorry.
368
00:14:33,923 --> 00:14:36,130
(whispering):
Hey, I've already paid.
You're too late. Get lost.
369
00:14:36,214 --> 00:14:39,005
-Yeah, I've already paid.
-Don't even start it.
I always have to pay--
370
00:14:39,089 --> 00:14:40,839
-Give me that card.
Give me that card.
-No!
371
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:42,756
No, no. Don't.
372
00:14:44,547 --> 00:14:46,673
(guests gasping. murmuring)
373
00:14:46,756 --> 00:14:49,506
(Larry, Richard grunting)
374
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,673
Larry:
Give me that. Urgh.
Give it!
375
00:14:51,756 --> 00:14:54,089
Give it! Aah! Aah!
376
00:14:55,297 --> 00:14:57,714
Larry:
Hey, did, uh,
did you try the scone?
377
00:14:57,798 --> 00:14:59,714
Yeah, yeah.
378
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:01,422
You know, I--
I didn't love it.
379
00:15:01,506 --> 00:15:03,923
-Are you kidding?
-It's like a fancy muffin.
380
00:15:04,005 --> 00:15:05,255
Don't say it's
a fancy muffin, Jeff.
381
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,714
You don't know what
you're talking about.
382
00:15:06,798 --> 00:15:08,464
What aren't you getting?
It's a fancy muffin.
383
00:15:08,547 --> 00:15:11,214
It's like you're saying
roast beef is chicken.
Roast beef is not chicken.
384
00:15:11,297 --> 00:15:12,547
Eh.
385
00:15:12,631 --> 00:15:14,798
-Did Susie like it?
-Fuckin' hated it.
386
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,923
-Okay, fuck you guys.
You're so stupid.
-Hated it. Hated it.
387
00:15:17,005 --> 00:15:18,255
And could you do me
one favor, please?
388
00:15:18,339 --> 00:15:20,673
Can you take down that
picture of me and Cheryl?
389
00:15:20,756 --> 00:15:22,547
-In your house?
-Susie won't let me.
390
00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:25,339
Su-- Oh, you,
you know what,
I can't even...
391
00:15:27,047 --> 00:15:28,673
What the fuck?
392
00:15:29,339 --> 00:15:30,923
Holy shit.
393
00:15:31,005 --> 00:15:33,923
Let me tell you something.
Get used to it.
He's gonna be everywhere.
394
00:15:34,005 --> 00:15:36,422
It's a big movie.
Billboards,
395
00:15:36,506 --> 00:15:39,964
talk shows,
everywhere you look,
it's gonna be Ted Danson.
396
00:15:40,047 --> 00:15:41,923
Inundated, that's
what we're gonna be.
397
00:15:42,005 --> 00:15:43,464
You know, he came
to my house last year,
398
00:15:43,547 --> 00:15:44,839
asked me if he can
go out with Cheryl.
399
00:15:44,923 --> 00:15:46,673
I said no,
but he did it anyway.
400
00:15:46,756 --> 00:15:48,297
-Jeff: What kind
of friend is that?
-Larry: I don't know.
401
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,089
-Your most
vulnerable moment.
-Yeah.
402
00:15:50,172 --> 00:15:52,089
You're getting divorced.
Oh, and he's gonna
403
00:15:52,172 --> 00:15:54,714
-swoop in and take your ex-wife.
-No. Friends don't do that.
404
00:15:54,798 --> 00:15:56,422
-Both: Friends don't do that.
-Larry: No, they don't.
405
00:15:56,506 --> 00:15:57,881
-Who does something--
-Larry: Who does
something like that?
406
00:15:57,964 --> 00:15:59,172
That motherfucker!
407
00:15:59,631 --> 00:16:02,631
-(grunts) Son of a bitch!
-What are you doing?
408
00:16:02,714 --> 00:16:04,464
No, no, no, no!
Larry!
409
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,964
-(thuds)
-Larry: Aah!
410
00:16:06,047 --> 00:16:08,422
-(Jeff groaning)
Oh, my tongue!
-Oh...
411
00:16:08,506 --> 00:16:10,047
(Jeff stammering)
412
00:16:10,130 --> 00:16:12,631
-(lisping): I can't believe
you did something like that.
-Uh...
413
00:16:12,714 --> 00:16:14,631
Bit my fuckin' tongue.
414
00:16:14,714 --> 00:16:17,130
-Fuck.
-I'm so sorry.
415
00:16:17,214 --> 00:16:20,089
Jeff:
Oh, goddamn it!
416
00:16:20,172 --> 00:16:22,255
♪ ♪
417
00:16:24,673 --> 00:16:27,005
Leon:
Ah, yeah.
418
00:16:27,381 --> 00:16:29,130
Stir it up real good.
419
00:16:29,214 --> 00:16:31,839
Put a little tea,
a little bit of
lemonade together.
420
00:16:31,923 --> 00:16:33,464
-Mm-hmm.
-Hello, Arnold Palmer.
421
00:16:33,547 --> 00:16:36,422
-Congratulations.
-That motherfucker
got away with that shit.
422
00:16:36,506 --> 00:16:39,214
-Yeah, I didn't think he was
the first one to do it.
-Fuckin' right.
423
00:16:39,297 --> 00:16:42,130
You know how many times
I fuckin' put milk and
Mountain Dew together?
424
00:16:42,214 --> 00:16:43,464
You know what I mean?
I could have had my own--
425
00:16:43,547 --> 00:16:45,297
my own fuckin' drink,
the Leon Black.
426
00:16:45,381 --> 00:16:47,589
Milk and Mountain Dew?
Disgusting.
427
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,547
There's certain taste buds
that you motherfuckers like.
428
00:16:49,631 --> 00:16:52,089
But you get away with that shit.
I don't know how the fuck
you get away with it.
429
00:16:52,172 --> 00:16:54,839
When you say
"you motherfuckers," you're
referring to white people?
430
00:16:54,923 --> 00:16:56,255
Of course I am.
You motherfuckers
431
00:16:56,339 --> 00:16:58,089
will accept all kind of
stupid shit in your mouth.
432
00:16:58,172 --> 00:17:02,172
-Oh, is that so? Oh.
-Escargots, and, and,
and fuckin' wheat grass.
433
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:04,089
Who the fuck drinks
fuckin' grass?
434
00:17:04,172 --> 00:17:07,464
-Oh, okay, okay. I-I must--
-What kind of motherfucker,
cutting your grass?
435
00:17:07,547 --> 00:17:10,089
And what about, um,
chitlins?
436
00:17:10,172 --> 00:17:12,547
-Humph. (sniffs)
-And pigs' knuckles?
437
00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:15,923
-Hmm.
-And pigs' brains
and pigs' feet?
438
00:17:16,005 --> 00:17:17,964
Anything to do with the pig.
439
00:17:18,047 --> 00:17:20,381
-Huh?
-Touché, motherfucker.
440
00:17:20,464 --> 00:17:22,005
-Touché.
-Motherfucker.
441
00:17:22,089 --> 00:17:23,673
Right there.
Hey, man.
442
00:17:23,756 --> 00:17:26,005
(chuckles) Shit.
What the fuck is that?
443
00:17:26,089 --> 00:17:29,005
I hope your speech is better
than that goddamned doodle
right there.
444
00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:31,005
Hey, fuckface,
445
00:17:31,089 --> 00:17:33,547
you really shouldn't be
insulting a doodle.
It's a doodle.
446
00:17:33,631 --> 00:17:36,506
It's just horrible.
Are you fuckin'
kidding me, man?
447
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:38,923
Whoo!
448
00:17:39,005 --> 00:17:40,547
(chomps, groans)
449
00:17:40,631 --> 00:17:44,381
-(screams)
-What the fuck?
That's artificial fruit!
450
00:17:44,839 --> 00:17:47,130
-(lisping):
Is my tooth chipped?
-It's chipped!
451
00:17:47,214 --> 00:17:49,172
-(lisping): Is my tooth chipped?
-Yes! You chipped it!
452
00:17:49,255 --> 00:17:52,881
-What the fuck, Larry?
-What, what are you eating
artificial fruit for?
453
00:17:52,964 --> 00:17:54,381
Who the fuck puts
artificial fruit on the table?
454
00:17:54,464 --> 00:17:56,381
I don't know.
I saw it at Jeff's house.
I liked it.
455
00:17:56,464 --> 00:17:59,214
You put the shit on the table,
in the fucking kitchen!
456
00:17:59,297 --> 00:18:01,214
What the fuck else
am I gonna do with it?
457
00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:03,339
-I don't know.
You couldn't tell?
-No! You should put
458
00:18:03,422 --> 00:18:05,464
that shit somewhere else,
like the living room
or somewhere
459
00:18:05,547 --> 00:18:07,631
where nobody's gonna
fuckin' eat it!
460
00:18:07,714 --> 00:18:10,964
My tooth is chipped.
461
00:18:11,047 --> 00:18:12,714
Sorry.
462
00:18:14,506 --> 00:18:17,005
(patrons chatting)
463
00:18:17,089 --> 00:18:20,255
How do you serve eggs
without toast?
It's unbelievable.
464
00:18:20,339 --> 00:18:22,089
Some people are allergic
to toast.
465
00:18:22,172 --> 00:18:24,714
Is that an answer?
What is that?
466
00:18:24,798 --> 00:18:27,172
-(chuckles)
It's, it's imbecilic.
-Are some people--
467
00:18:27,255 --> 00:18:28,881
Why is it imbecilic?
468
00:18:28,964 --> 00:18:31,297
Well, everybody,
you can't serve the eggs
without the toast.
469
00:18:31,381 --> 00:18:32,798
-Yes--
-They're a team.
470
00:18:32,881 --> 00:18:35,422
You know, you are
like a president
in the 18th century
471
00:18:35,506 --> 00:18:39,589
on the back of a train,
saying, "And there will
always be toast!"
472
00:18:39,673 --> 00:18:41,631
-(Larry chuckling)
-"With eggs!
473
00:18:41,714 --> 00:18:44,089
And two turkeys
in every garage!"
474
00:18:44,172 --> 00:18:47,631
Stop lecturing the world
on your point of view.
475
00:18:47,714 --> 00:18:48,964
Ah. Excuse me.
476
00:18:49,047 --> 00:18:50,631
Oh. Yes, sir.
477
00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:53,798
Um, there's no toast
with the eggs.
478
00:18:53,881 --> 00:18:56,339
Lo siento.
Our cocinero Cecilio
must have forgotten.
479
00:18:56,422 --> 00:18:58,673
-All right. All right.
Thank you very much.
-Lo siento.
480
00:18:58,756 --> 00:19:01,130
-You're driving him nuts, man.
-What is this?
481
00:19:01,214 --> 00:19:03,923
-What is what?
-The sweater.
You're wearing the sweater?
482
00:19:04,005 --> 00:19:05,547
-It's a gift.
-I told you before,
483
00:19:05,631 --> 00:19:08,005
I didn't want to see it anymore.
It has painful memories for me.
484
00:19:08,089 --> 00:19:10,130
-So take it off.
-What kind of gift is that?
485
00:19:10,214 --> 00:19:13,130
(stammers) I'll wear
whatever I want.
It's mine now.
486
00:19:13,214 --> 00:19:15,130
-This is selfish.
It's very selfish.
-How can it be selfish?
487
00:19:15,214 --> 00:19:16,881
-You gave me an espresso
machine from Rome.
-Okay. Yeah?
488
00:19:16,964 --> 00:19:18,798
-I'm gonna throw it out?
-Okay, take off that sweater.
489
00:19:18,881 --> 00:19:20,798
-I'm not takin' it off.
It's mine.
-I want you to take--
490
00:19:20,881 --> 00:19:22,798
-I want you to take off
that fuckin' sweater.
-Hey, are you out of your--
491
00:19:22,881 --> 00:19:24,339
Hey, get the fuck, hey--
492
00:19:24,422 --> 00:19:26,464
Get out of here!
Hey, stop.
493
00:19:26,547 --> 00:19:29,714
-(indistinct muttering)
No. Don't touch me!
-Oh. Oh!
494
00:19:29,798 --> 00:19:33,130
Um, yeah.
Thank you.
495
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:35,339
-Here's your toast.
-Larry: Thank you.
496
00:19:35,422 --> 00:19:36,881
And, uh, Señor Lewis.
497
00:19:36,964 --> 00:19:38,798
-Oh, yes.
-The check.
Thank you so much.
498
00:19:38,881 --> 00:19:41,089
-What? What are
you talking about?
-As always. Thank you, really.
499
00:19:41,172 --> 00:19:44,339
-It means a lot. Thank you.
-No, no, no, no.
I gave Francisco my credit card.
500
00:19:44,422 --> 00:19:46,964
Francisco is not here.
He is mourning the death
of his aunt,
501
00:19:47,047 --> 00:19:48,673
Concepción Zarzal.
502
00:19:49,089 --> 00:19:51,005
Richard:
God bless you,
and God bless him,
503
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:53,255
and his aunt, and...
Generous tip, by the way.
504
00:19:53,339 --> 00:19:55,756
-Oh, yes. Thank you.
-As usual. Am I right,
or am I wrong?
505
00:20:00,339 --> 00:20:02,381
-Larry: Ah!
-Larry David.
506
00:20:02,464 --> 00:20:04,339
Well, well.
Hello, Laverne!
507
00:20:04,422 --> 00:20:07,339
It's so good to meet you.
I have a cold.
508
00:20:07,422 --> 00:20:09,297
-You have a cold.
-I don't want to get you sick.
509
00:20:09,381 --> 00:20:11,881
You have--
That is so considerate
of you.
510
00:20:11,964 --> 00:20:14,047
Thank you so much.
You know what?
511
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,714
-Most people don't do that.
-(coughs, clears throat)
512
00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:18,339
-They keep it to themselves.
-I like to think...
513
00:20:18,422 --> 00:20:21,506
what would I want someone to do
if I were on the other side.
514
00:20:21,589 --> 00:20:23,714
And I want someone to tell me,
and I want them to protect me.
515
00:20:23,798 --> 00:20:26,506
-You know what you're doing?
You're golden-ruling it.
-I'm golden-ruling it.
516
00:20:26,589 --> 00:20:28,255
You're golden-ruling it,
Laverne.
517
00:20:28,339 --> 00:20:31,339
You know, Larry,
I just wanted to take
this moment to say
518
00:20:31,422 --> 00:20:33,631
how grateful I am
for you to be here.
519
00:20:33,714 --> 00:20:36,547
I think it's so important
that straight white men,
520
00:20:36,631 --> 00:20:38,255
particularly in your age group,
521
00:20:38,339 --> 00:20:40,214
be part of the movement.
522
00:20:40,297 --> 00:20:44,130
And I think you, Larry,
are gonna be a role model
to so many people.
523
00:20:44,214 --> 00:20:46,422
-And you'll be introducing me?
-Absolutely.
524
00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:48,964
Do you know what
you're gonna say yet?
I have a couple of ideas.
525
00:20:49,047 --> 00:20:52,881
-Oh, yeah. What?
-I think you can introduce me
sort of as a, uh...
526
00:20:52,964 --> 00:20:54,172
as a Renaissance man.
527
00:20:54,255 --> 00:20:56,714
-Oh!
-You know, a guy who...
528
00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:58,422
speaks six languages.
529
00:20:58,506 --> 00:21:00,798
You speak six languages, Larry?
Oh, my God.
530
00:21:00,881 --> 00:21:03,422
-That's amazing.
-No, I, I only speak
one language.
531
00:21:03,506 --> 00:21:05,589
Yeah, I know a little bit
of Yiddish.
532
00:21:05,673 --> 00:21:07,756
Vo den? Vos machstu.
533
00:21:07,839 --> 00:21:09,547
What a meshugganah.
534
00:21:09,631 --> 00:21:12,589
(speaks Yiddish)
You know, a couple things
I picked up from my parents.
535
00:21:12,673 --> 00:21:16,756
So you want me to get onstage
at a charity and lie?
536
00:21:16,839 --> 00:21:19,130
No, you just say these things.
It'll, it will impress them.
537
00:21:19,214 --> 00:21:21,756
You wanna impress people
with lies?
538
00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:23,714
Well, how else do you
impress them?
539
00:21:24,172 --> 00:21:26,130
Larry, I, I--
540
00:21:26,214 --> 00:21:27,881
First of all, I don't lie.
541
00:21:27,964 --> 00:21:30,506
So much of this event
is about being in the truth.
542
00:21:30,589 --> 00:21:33,005
All right. You know what?
Introduce me any way you'd like.
How about that?
543
00:21:33,089 --> 00:21:35,798
-Okay.
-By the way, you know,
I have a, uh, I have a friend.
544
00:21:35,881 --> 00:21:38,214
Marty Funkhouser,
his daughter...
545
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:41,130
is transitioning to be a man.
546
00:21:41,214 --> 00:21:43,881
-That's beautiful.
That's so beautiful.
-Yeah.
547
00:21:43,964 --> 00:21:47,756
Can I ask you a question about
the whole transitioning thing?
548
00:21:47,839 --> 00:21:50,297
-Okay.
-Okay, like,
I'm an organ donor,
549
00:21:50,381 --> 00:21:53,506
and on my driver's license,
it says I'm an organ donor.
550
00:21:53,589 --> 00:21:55,547
Can you, can you donate
551
00:21:55,631 --> 00:21:59,005
a-a penis to a person
who's transitioning?
552
00:21:59,714 --> 00:22:02,422
-'Cause that's not--
-You...
553
00:22:02,506 --> 00:22:05,631
How about this one?
Could a white transitioner
554
00:22:05,714 --> 00:22:07,631
get a black penis?
555
00:22:07,714 --> 00:22:09,464
Okay. I-I think I got it.
556
00:22:09,547 --> 00:22:12,631
I think I understand.
All righty, Larry. It was...
557
00:22:12,714 --> 00:22:14,756
great to...
great to meet you.
558
00:22:14,839 --> 00:22:18,005
-Okay. See you out there.
-(whispers): Okay.
559
00:22:21,297 --> 00:22:23,839
Larry, how are you?
560
00:22:23,923 --> 00:22:26,255
How about this, huh?
Nice event, huh?
561
00:22:26,714 --> 00:22:29,214
Wha-- wha--
What the hell is this?
562
00:22:29,297 --> 00:22:30,547
What?
563
00:22:30,631 --> 00:22:32,506
-This sweater. Wh--
What are you doing?
-I know.
564
00:22:32,589 --> 00:22:34,547
-Isn't it nice?
-Okay. Take it off.
565
00:22:34,631 --> 00:22:35,881
Okay?
I want you to take it off.
566
00:22:35,964 --> 00:22:37,047
What are you talking about?
567
00:22:37,130 --> 00:22:38,923
I don't want you
to wear that sweater.
568
00:22:39,005 --> 00:22:41,589
-Why?
-'Cause Cheryl gave it to me.
I gave mine to Richard,
569
00:22:41,673 --> 00:22:43,255
'cause I didn't wanna be
reminded of it,
570
00:22:43,339 --> 00:22:44,673
and now you're
reminding me of it.
571
00:22:44,756 --> 00:22:46,798
-I'm not taking this off.
-Take it off.
572
00:22:46,881 --> 00:22:48,589
-It goes with
all my pants, it's great.
-Cassie: Yes. Sexy.
573
00:22:48,673 --> 00:22:50,297
-Take it off.
-What are you--
Get out of here!
574
00:22:50,381 --> 00:22:53,255
Larry, stop it.
He's got like a polo shirt
on under this.
575
00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:55,673
-Yeah, I got a golf shirt.
I can't take this off.
-We're at an event!
576
00:22:55,756 --> 00:22:57,923
Okay, anyway,
can we talk about
something important?
577
00:22:58,005 --> 00:23:01,005
-Yeah, sure.
-Okay. I'd like to talk
to you about this.
578
00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:02,798
Okay.
What about it?
579
00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:05,589
This is the doodle
you give me for charity?
580
00:23:05,673 --> 00:23:07,881
-Yeah.
-It's terrible, Larry.
581
00:23:07,964 --> 00:23:10,839
-We can't use this.
-Larry: You said it doesn't
matter what it looks like.
582
00:23:10,923 --> 00:23:12,839
-It's a doodle.
-No. This is a doodle.
583
00:23:12,923 --> 00:23:14,631
-This is Christine Lahti's.
-That's a doodle?
584
00:23:14,714 --> 00:23:16,214
-Cassie: That's a doodle.
-Andy: This is beautiful.
585
00:23:16,297 --> 00:23:18,506
Larry: That is not a doodle.
That is a work of art, okay?
586
00:23:18,589 --> 00:23:20,130
-You know what?
-This is gonna get
so much money.
587
00:23:20,214 --> 00:23:21,923
-So much money.
This, what? A nickel?
-This is--
588
00:23:22,005 --> 00:23:23,381
-Honest to God--
-I'll give you two pence.
589
00:23:23,464 --> 00:23:24,673
You're not holding it
the right way.
590
00:23:24,756 --> 00:23:26,255
-You hold it like this. Okay?
-Oh, oh!
591
00:23:26,339 --> 00:23:27,714
That's so much better.
Let's get it framed!
592
00:23:27,798 --> 00:23:29,130
Yeah, you know,
it could be anything.
593
00:23:29,214 --> 00:23:30,881
Could be a roller coaster.
It could be a shoe.
594
00:23:30,964 --> 00:23:33,130
It could be a large intestine.
You gotta think a little bit.
595
00:23:33,214 --> 00:23:35,798
Oh, I'm think-- You know
what it is? It's what you find
in a large intestine.
596
00:23:35,881 --> 00:23:37,923
-That's what that is.
-Andy: Oh, my gosh. Wow.
597
00:23:38,005 --> 00:23:39,714
-It's a piece of shit. It is!
-Okay, yeah?
598
00:23:39,798 --> 00:23:42,214
It is, honestly, that's
what I think of it, okay?
599
00:23:42,297 --> 00:23:44,381
Because we can't sell it.
We can't do anything with it.
600
00:23:44,464 --> 00:23:46,005
I gotta hang this up.
601
00:23:46,714 --> 00:23:48,130
-See this?
-Larry: Oh, oh.
602
00:23:48,214 --> 00:23:49,631
-You're throwing
it in there?
-Whoops!
603
00:23:49,714 --> 00:23:51,839
-Oh, now it's a garbage can.
-Yeah, and that's garbage.
604
00:23:51,923 --> 00:23:54,005
-So thank you.
-Oh, yeah, thank you.
605
00:23:55,381 --> 00:23:58,673
(lively chatter)
606
00:24:04,130 --> 00:24:05,923
Larry:
Christine.
607
00:24:06,005 --> 00:24:08,130
-Yes.
-Hey. Larry David.
608
00:24:08,214 --> 00:24:09,714
-Hey, Larry.
How are you?
-Hi.
609
00:24:09,798 --> 00:24:12,798
-I'm good.
-Good. I'm kind of surprised
to see you here.
610
00:24:12,881 --> 00:24:15,089
-Oh, yeah? Why's that?
-Um, I don't know. I mean,
611
00:24:15,172 --> 00:24:16,839
you're known for other things.
612
00:24:16,923 --> 00:24:20,047
Not your activism,
or your advocacy for women.
613
00:24:20,130 --> 00:24:23,255
No, I've spent
a good deal of my life
advocating for women.
614
00:24:23,339 --> 00:24:26,547
-Well, I didn't know that.
-And, and, and pursuing them.
615
00:24:26,631 --> 00:24:29,297
-Right. Purs--
Right. Okay. Yeah.
-Yes.
616
00:24:29,381 --> 00:24:33,381
That's advocacy in a way,
in that I'm pursuing them,
I want them.
617
00:24:33,464 --> 00:24:36,714
-I'm advocating for them
by pursuing them.
-Right. Okay.
618
00:24:36,798 --> 00:24:40,464
Especially if, uh,
sex resulted from it,
that would be fine.
619
00:24:40,547 --> 00:24:42,130
That's not exactly
what I meant.
620
00:24:42,214 --> 00:24:44,381
But, you know,
it's a cause that
I really believe in,
621
00:24:44,464 --> 00:24:46,547
and I'm really passionate
about, so I'm just...
622
00:24:46,631 --> 00:24:48,673
-happy to hear
that you are, too.
-Oh, yes. Of course.
623
00:24:48,756 --> 00:24:51,130
But anyway, um, so,
did you do a doodle?
624
00:24:51,214 --> 00:24:53,381
-Did you-- I didn't--
-Uh, yes, I did.
625
00:24:53,464 --> 00:24:55,714
-I didn't, I didn't-- Oh.
-No, it's not on the wall.
626
00:24:55,798 --> 00:24:58,297
It's not on the wall.
I noticed your doodle
is on the wall.
627
00:24:58,381 --> 00:24:59,798
-Yes. Yes.
-Yeah.
628
00:24:59,881 --> 00:25:02,964
-Do you like it?
-I like it. I think
it's very well done.
629
00:25:03,047 --> 00:25:05,130
-How long did it
take you to do that?
-I mean, maybe,
630
00:25:05,214 --> 00:25:07,172
I don't know, 20 minutes,
half, half an hour.
631
00:25:07,547 --> 00:25:09,839
-Half an hour?
-I didn't, I don't--
I didn't time it.
632
00:25:09,923 --> 00:25:12,297
Yeah, but that's not a doodle.
That is not a doodle.
633
00:25:12,381 --> 00:25:14,506
-It's a doodle.
They're all doodles.
-No, it's not a doodle.
634
00:25:14,589 --> 00:25:16,506
That's a p--
Yeah, this is like
the Louvre, this place.
635
00:25:16,589 --> 00:25:18,506
-I mean, come on.
I, I-- You know what?
-Christine: Yes.
636
00:25:18,589 --> 00:25:21,297
-What was yours like?
-It was open to interpretation.
637
00:25:21,381 --> 00:25:23,589
-Oh, abstract.
-That's the beauty
of a doodle.
638
00:25:23,673 --> 00:25:24,714
You don't know
what it is.
639
00:25:24,798 --> 00:25:26,798
Okay. Did you put
any effort into it?
640
00:25:26,881 --> 00:25:29,047
I put the same amount of effort
I put into the doodle
641
00:25:29,130 --> 00:25:31,047
as I would if I was
talking on the phone
doodling.
642
00:25:31,130 --> 00:25:33,214
-Which is to say, none.
-Larry, Larry.
643
00:25:33,297 --> 00:25:34,839
if you don't put
effort into it,
644
00:25:34,923 --> 00:25:36,839
it just smacks of,
I'm sorry to say this,
645
00:25:36,923 --> 00:25:39,297
it smacks of kind of
a white male privilege.
646
00:25:39,381 --> 00:25:41,506
You know, that you don't
have to put any effort
into anything,
647
00:25:41,589 --> 00:25:44,005
you could get away
with anything, because
you're a white man. Right?
648
00:25:44,089 --> 00:25:45,756
Oh, that's just...
That's just nonsense.
649
00:25:45,839 --> 00:25:47,381
Well, then,
why didn't you
put effort into it?
650
00:25:47,464 --> 00:25:49,047
I'm the only one
who followed instructions
651
00:25:49,130 --> 00:25:50,506
out of everybody on this wall.
652
00:25:50,589 --> 00:25:52,047
-There's no doodles here.
-I think--
653
00:25:52,130 --> 00:25:54,547
-They're all doodles, in fact.
-None of them are doodles.
654
00:25:54,631 --> 00:25:57,381
Passionate doodles,
because we care
about this cause,
655
00:25:57,464 --> 00:25:59,172
-and you don't.
-Oh, I don't care
about the cause?
656
00:25:59,255 --> 00:26:01,089
-No, I don't think you do.
-Oh, I don't? I don't, huh?
657
00:26:01,172 --> 00:26:02,881
-What is that?
-What is that, a doodle?
658
00:26:02,964 --> 00:26:06,506
That's a speech
that I'll be giving that
you'll be listening to
659
00:26:06,589 --> 00:26:08,297
-and apologizing to me later...
-I don't think so.
660
00:26:08,381 --> 00:26:09,964
-...for ever talking
to me like this. Okay?
-I don't think so.
661
00:26:10,047 --> 00:26:11,798
-Who wrote that?
Your assistant?
-I wrote it.
662
00:26:11,881 --> 00:26:13,547
And it took a lot
less time than it took
663
00:26:13,631 --> 00:26:15,547
-for you to do that painting.
I can tell you that.
-Well, yeah--
664
00:26:15,631 --> 00:26:18,381
Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen,
Laverne Cox.
665
00:26:18,464 --> 00:26:21,464
(cheering)
666
00:26:22,506 --> 00:26:24,130
Woo!
667
00:26:25,214 --> 00:26:26,673
Laverne:
Good afternoon.
668
00:26:26,756 --> 00:26:30,047
My name is Laverne Cox,
and I am so honored
to be here
669
00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:32,381
with each and every one of you,
670
00:26:32,464 --> 00:26:36,589
and to welcome you
on behalf of Survivors United.
671
00:26:36,673 --> 00:26:38,547
Now I know these events
can be triggering,
672
00:26:38,631 --> 00:26:42,047
but I want to remind you
that you are more
than your pain.
673
00:26:42,130 --> 00:26:46,964
I want to remind you
that you are more than
what happened to you.
674
00:26:50,756 --> 00:26:52,172
Our first speaker.
675
00:26:52,255 --> 00:26:54,714
We know them as the cocreator
676
00:26:54,798 --> 00:26:57,631
of the legendary sitcom
Seinfeld.
677
00:26:57,714 --> 00:27:01,673
Please join me in welcoming
Larry David.
678
00:27:02,339 --> 00:27:05,005
-(cheering)
-Oh, this is so nice of you.
679
00:27:05,089 --> 00:27:08,005
Well, thank you.
Thank you so much.
680
00:27:08,714 --> 00:27:10,339
Ah, stop it.
681
00:27:14,381 --> 00:27:17,798
Oh, no. To you. To you.
You're the heroes.
682
00:27:17,881 --> 00:27:19,130
You're the heroes.
683
00:27:19,214 --> 00:27:21,381
(cheering continues)
684
00:27:23,172 --> 00:27:24,547
-Whoa!
-(audience gasps)
685
00:27:24,631 --> 00:27:26,798
(audience booing)
686
00:27:26,881 --> 00:27:29,506
-Asshole!
-What are you doing?
687
00:27:29,589 --> 00:27:31,214
-No, she has a cold!
-(booing)
688
00:27:31,297 --> 00:27:33,673
-Alice: What is wrong with you?
-She has a cold!
689
00:27:33,756 --> 00:27:37,297
-You're such a disgrace!
Why would you even come here?
-(angry booing)
690
00:27:37,381 --> 00:27:39,547
-She has--
-Alice: Honestly,
what is wrong with you?
691
00:27:39,631 --> 00:27:41,964
-Tell 'em you have a cold!
-Alice: Asshole!
692
00:27:42,047 --> 00:27:44,047
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You need to go home!
693
00:27:44,130 --> 00:27:45,881
-(thudding)
-Hey! Hey!
694
00:27:45,964 --> 00:27:47,130
Alice: My God!
695
00:27:47,214 --> 00:27:49,381
-(angry shouting)
-Alice: What the hell?
696
00:27:49,464 --> 00:27:50,881
Larry:
Hey! Hey!
697
00:27:51,255 --> 00:27:54,547
(angry shouting continues)
698
00:27:56,172 --> 00:27:58,506
Well, what was
I supposed to do?
She had a cold.
699
00:27:58,589 --> 00:28:00,339
-She had a cold?
She had a cold.
-Larry: Yeah.
700
00:28:00,422 --> 00:28:01,964
What if she didn't have a cold?
701
00:28:02,047 --> 00:28:03,255
Ah, well...
702
00:28:03,339 --> 00:28:05,172
You're supposed to kiss her.
It's a social nicety.
703
00:28:05,255 --> 00:28:06,839
No, I, you know--
I, I--
704
00:28:06,923 --> 00:28:09,589
All right, well now we gotta
walk this back, I mean,
the optics, Larry.
705
00:28:09,673 --> 00:28:12,464
The optics were terrible.
This was the way out,
do you understand that?
706
00:28:12,547 --> 00:28:15,464
-This, this was, this was
supposed to be the olive branch.
-Okay.
707
00:28:15,547 --> 00:28:17,923
Okay, okay. I'll, I'll...
708
00:28:18,005 --> 00:28:20,756
make out with Laverne Cox
on national television.
709
00:28:20,839 --> 00:28:22,506
We'll-- I'll have a make-out
session with her.
710
00:28:22,589 --> 00:28:26,089
No, forget that.
How about a,
a, a, a nice hug.
711
00:28:26,172 --> 00:28:27,547
I'll give her a hug.
712
00:28:27,631 --> 00:28:29,381
-All right, we'll spitball.
-You know.
713
00:28:29,464 --> 00:28:31,839
-But let me set up
the meeting, okay?
-Slow dance with her.
714
00:28:31,923 --> 00:28:33,631
-A slow dance.
-Okay. Okay.
715
00:28:33,714 --> 00:28:35,255
But more of
an old-fashioned dance.
716
00:28:35,339 --> 00:28:36,506
-Not, not, you know--
-I, I, I--
717
00:28:36,589 --> 00:28:38,798
Don't, don't come up
with any more ideas.
718
00:28:38,881 --> 00:28:41,422
Okay? Our problem is
that Alice does not feel
719
00:28:41,506 --> 00:28:44,089
that what happened was
a good-faith fulfillment
of the agreement.
720
00:28:44,172 --> 00:28:46,506
Alice, Alice, Alice, Alice.
721
00:28:46,589 --> 00:28:48,589
Oh, I am so sick of this woman!
722
00:28:48,673 --> 00:28:50,464
-Roger: So she is now seeking--
-I'm so sick of her!
723
00:28:50,547 --> 00:28:52,714
She is now seeking
a personal settlement,
724
00:28:52,798 --> 00:28:54,798
on top of the original donation
and speech.
725
00:28:54,881 --> 00:28:56,714
I felt sorry for her.
That's why I hired--
726
00:28:56,798 --> 00:28:58,297
What are you doing?
You're writing down again?
727
00:28:58,381 --> 00:29:00,089
Are you kidding?
728
00:29:00,506 --> 00:29:02,214
Oh, get the fuck outta here!
729
00:29:02,297 --> 00:29:05,631
-That's insane!
-Well, that's the price
of buying back your legacy,
730
00:29:05,714 --> 00:29:07,047
my friend.
That's where we are.
731
00:29:07,130 --> 00:29:08,464
Wait, wait. I got an idea.
Remem--
732
00:29:08,547 --> 00:29:11,589
Remember that old, uh,
John Lennon, Yoko Ono album
733
00:29:11,673 --> 00:29:14,714
where they're in bed together?
The bed-in? Whatever that was?
-Yeah.
734
00:29:14,798 --> 00:29:17,089
I'll be in bed with Laverne Cox.
735
00:29:17,172 --> 00:29:18,589
Some kind--
We get a picture.
736
00:29:18,673 --> 00:29:19,923
-Okay. How about this?
-You know?
737
00:29:20,005 --> 00:29:21,964
I think there is one last
glimmer of hope,
738
00:29:22,047 --> 00:29:23,673
if we're lucky enough
to execute it.
739
00:29:23,756 --> 00:29:26,923
And that is to sit down
face-to-face, one last time,
740
00:29:27,005 --> 00:29:29,089
if they will have it,
with Alice and her attorneys,
741
00:29:29,172 --> 00:29:32,422
and explain that what happened
was a legitimate
misunderstanding.
742
00:29:32,506 --> 00:29:35,673
You know what? I think
you should put me on
the phone with that attorney.
743
00:29:35,756 --> 00:29:37,589
Black women really like me.
744
00:29:37,673 --> 00:29:40,631
Let me set up the meeting,
and then we'll go from there.
745
00:29:40,714 --> 00:29:43,673
-You okay with that?
-Yeah. I mean, sure.
746
00:29:43,756 --> 00:29:45,172
Roger:
Good.
747
00:29:45,673 --> 00:29:47,047
Oh, have an apple.
748
00:29:47,339 --> 00:29:49,005
-What?
-Yeah.
749
00:29:49,255 --> 00:29:53,130
-Maybe I overreacted
last time. Have one.
-Wow.
750
00:29:53,547 --> 00:29:55,464
Very proud of you!
751
00:29:55,547 --> 00:29:57,631
You are making progress.
752
00:29:57,923 --> 00:30:00,464
-Aah. Larry-- No, no!
-(cracks)
753
00:30:00,547 --> 00:30:02,506
Larry: Oh! Oh!
(spitting)
754
00:30:02,589 --> 00:30:05,047
-What the fuck?
-Oh, my God.
755
00:30:05,130 --> 00:30:07,464
-(screams)
-Roger: Oh, my God!
756
00:30:07,547 --> 00:30:09,422
(screams)
757
00:30:09,506 --> 00:30:12,631
(shrieking)
I chipped my tooth!
758
00:30:12,714 --> 00:30:14,255
I didn't think you'd bite it.
It was artificial!
759
00:30:14,339 --> 00:30:16,047
Then what the fuck did
you offer it to me for?
760
00:30:16,130 --> 00:30:18,130
I thought you'd pick it up
and think it was great.
761
00:30:18,214 --> 00:30:19,798
-What are you,
fucking stupid?
-I'm sorry.
762
00:30:19,881 --> 00:30:22,172
(lisping):
You're sorry?
You're sorry?
763
00:30:22,255 --> 00:30:23,964
You think you're sorry?
764
00:30:24,047 --> 00:30:25,464
Shove it up your ass!
765
00:30:25,547 --> 00:30:27,923
(announcer speaks indistinctly)
766
00:30:29,881 --> 00:30:32,631
(lisping):
Kill that bastard.
I should sue him!
767
00:30:32,714 --> 00:30:34,631
At least yours
was an accident.
768
00:30:34,714 --> 00:30:36,923
My lawyer, he offered me
the fruit on purpose.
769
00:30:37,005 --> 00:30:38,297
At least I didn't
offer it to you.
770
00:30:38,381 --> 00:30:39,673
(lisping):
Well, now you know
how I feel.
771
00:30:39,756 --> 00:30:41,714
You smirked when I bit it.
You smirked!
772
00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:44,005
-(stammers) There was
no smirk. Get out of here.
-Smirk.
773
00:30:44,089 --> 00:30:46,506
And my dentist, also.
What?
774
00:30:46,589 --> 00:30:49,923
Can't see me till tomorrow?
I need that? It's an emergency!
775
00:30:50,005 --> 00:30:52,130
(phone chiming)
776
00:30:53,631 --> 00:30:54,839
Hello?
777
00:30:55,589 --> 00:30:58,589
(lisping):
Suspicious activity?
On my credit card?
778
00:30:58,923 --> 00:31:02,756
A thousand dollars
of papas bravas,
manchego cheese, paella?
779
00:31:03,255 --> 00:31:05,589
Uh! No!
780
00:31:05,673 --> 00:31:07,714
I didn't order that.
But I know who did!
781
00:31:07,798 --> 00:31:10,297
Francisco Zarzal.
Cancel my credit card!
782
00:31:10,381 --> 00:31:13,005
Come on. we have to find
Francisco Zarzal.
783
00:31:13,089 --> 00:31:14,964
-Francisco Zarzal.
-Let's go.
784
00:31:15,047 --> 00:31:16,756
Larry:
This guy's got some nerve.
785
00:31:16,839 --> 00:31:18,464
He play you
for a sucker.
786
00:31:18,547 --> 00:31:20,464
-He play you for
a straight sucker.
-Yeah.
787
00:31:20,547 --> 00:31:23,005
-It's stealing. It's just
stealing, plain and simple.
-It's bullshit.
788
00:31:23,089 --> 00:31:25,422
It's bullshit.
This is bullshit.
789
00:31:25,506 --> 00:31:28,381
-What the--?
-You'll see. Take a ride.
790
00:31:28,464 --> 00:31:31,506
-Jeff: All right.
-Leon: Bullshit.
Straight bullshit.
791
00:31:31,589 --> 00:31:32,964
(sighs)
792
00:31:33,798 --> 00:31:35,339
He's playing us
for suckers.
793
00:31:35,422 --> 00:31:36,881
(lisping):
Why do you sound like that?
794
00:31:36,964 --> 00:31:39,047
I chipped my tooth.
How about you?
795
00:31:39,130 --> 00:31:41,381
My tongue's all swollen.
It sucks.
796
00:31:41,464 --> 00:31:44,964
I have to call Zaragoza.
See if I can track down
Francisco Zarzal.
797
00:31:45,631 --> 00:31:48,297
(tires screech)
798
00:31:50,422 --> 00:31:52,506
♪ ♪
799
00:31:54,297 --> 00:31:56,130
-(Leon clears throat)
-Wow.
800
00:31:56,214 --> 00:31:58,923
(lisping):
Look at this.
This has to be it.
801
00:32:00,089 --> 00:32:02,005
-What is this?
- Lo siento. Lo siento.
802
00:32:02,089 --> 00:32:05,255
-Lo siento. Lo siento.
-Leon: Multo lo siento.
803
00:32:05,339 --> 00:32:06,923
-Lo siento.
-Leon: Multo lo siento.
804
00:32:07,005 --> 00:32:10,255
Excuse me. Have you seen
Francisco Zarzal?
805
00:32:10,339 --> 00:32:12,005
He's a server at Zaragoza?
806
00:32:12,089 --> 00:32:14,005
No, I haven't seen Francisco.
807
00:32:14,089 --> 00:32:15,673
-Lo siento.
-Lo siento.
808
00:32:15,756 --> 00:32:19,172
-Lo siento.
-Lo siento. Lo siento.
Lo siento.
809
00:32:20,381 --> 00:32:22,130
(sighs)
810
00:32:22,464 --> 00:32:24,839
I don't see him anywhere.
You know what I see?
811
00:32:24,923 --> 00:32:28,297
I see everything I paid for:
Floral arrangements,
the candles,
812
00:32:28,381 --> 00:32:29,923
the alcohol, everything.
813
00:32:30,005 --> 00:32:31,673
-Look at the sumptuous spread.
-Yeah.
814
00:32:31,756 --> 00:32:33,714
I paid for that, too.
Come on. Let's eat.
815
00:32:33,798 --> 00:32:37,089
-Hey, where the fuck you--
-Hey, hey. I'm already
going this way.
816
00:32:37,172 --> 00:32:39,172
-Give me a plate.
-(plates clattering)
817
00:32:39,255 --> 00:32:41,589
-Leon: Gimme some of that.
-(silverware, dishes clattering)
818
00:32:41,673 --> 00:32:44,172
-Give me some eggs.
-No toast?
819
00:32:45,297 --> 00:32:47,881
-There's no toast.
-You?
820
00:32:48,714 --> 00:32:50,214
Again with the toast?
821
00:32:50,297 --> 00:32:53,714
You have to have toast
when you eat eggs.
It's a necessity.
822
00:32:53,798 --> 00:32:55,464
What are you
even doing here?
823
00:32:55,547 --> 00:32:57,923
(scoffs)
Francisco!
824
00:32:58,839 --> 00:33:00,130
Excuse me.
825
00:33:00,214 --> 00:33:01,798
-Excuse me.
-Excuse me.
826
00:33:01,881 --> 00:33:03,881
Hello, Francisco.
827
00:33:03,964 --> 00:33:07,964
It seems as if
you've been using...
828
00:33:08,047 --> 00:33:09,673
my credit card.
829
00:33:09,756 --> 00:33:11,422
What do you have to say
for yourself?
830
00:33:11,506 --> 00:33:14,881
Excuse me, this is not a
conversación en la recepción
de Concepción Zarzal.
831
00:33:15,130 --> 00:33:16,714
Will you repeat that, please?
832
00:33:16,798 --> 00:33:20,631
I don't think this is a
conversación en la recepción
de Concepción Zarzal.
833
00:33:20,714 --> 00:33:21,923
We do it in Zaragoza.
834
00:33:22,005 --> 00:33:24,130
(lisping):
Oh, the conversation.
835
00:33:24,214 --> 00:33:26,255
(stammers) You want to have
the conversation at Zaragoza.
836
00:33:26,339 --> 00:33:27,964
Were these charges
from Zaragoza?
837
00:33:28,047 --> 00:33:29,673
No, not from Zaragoza.
From here.
838
00:33:29,756 --> 00:33:31,506
Or perhaps this is a mistake,
839
00:33:31,589 --> 00:33:33,839
because our cards,
they look very similar.
840
00:33:33,923 --> 00:33:37,005
-But perhaps I used the number,
but I don't under--
-Larry: Similar?
841
00:33:37,381 --> 00:33:40,214
How are they similar?
The numbers are not the same.
842
00:33:40,297 --> 00:33:43,464
The names are
certainly not the same.
One says Larry David,
843
00:33:43,547 --> 00:33:46,130
the other says
Francisco Zarzal.
844
00:33:46,214 --> 00:33:48,506
-It's not Zarzal,
it's Tharthal.
-(lisping): Zarzal.
845
00:33:48,589 --> 00:33:49,923
-Tharthal.
-(lisping): Zarzal.
846
00:33:50,005 --> 00:33:51,422
-Tharthal.
-(lisping): Zarzal.
847
00:33:51,506 --> 00:33:52,881
-Tharthal!
-(lisping): Zarzal.
848
00:33:52,964 --> 00:33:54,756
-Tharthal! Hijo de puta.
-(lisping): Zarzal?
849
00:33:54,839 --> 00:33:56,881
- Oye. You're making fun
of the way we speak.
-No!
850
00:33:56,964 --> 00:33:59,547
-No, I'm not making fun.
My tooth is chipped.
-Don't mock me.
851
00:33:59,631 --> 00:34:01,673
-Lo siento.
-Lo siento.
852
00:34:01,756 --> 00:34:03,089
-They're making fun.
-They're making fun.
853
00:34:03,172 --> 00:34:04,631
-Larry: What? No, no, no!
-You're making fun.
854
00:34:04,714 --> 00:34:06,673
-What are you doing?
No, no, no, no.
-Lo siento.
855
00:34:06,756 --> 00:34:08,839
-Lo siento!
-Lo siento!
856
00:34:08,923 --> 00:34:10,714
-No disrespect!
No disrespect!
-Lo siento!
857
00:34:10,798 --> 00:34:14,297
They're making fun of us.
They're disrespecting us.
858
00:34:14,381 --> 00:34:16,297
(nervous chatter)
859
00:34:16,381 --> 00:34:18,381
(yelling)
860
00:34:19,130 --> 00:34:23,255
Leon:
Motherfuckers! (muttering)
Get the fuck off me!
861
00:34:23,339 --> 00:34:26,547
Lo siento. Lo siento.
Lo siento.
862
00:34:26,631 --> 00:34:28,422
-Basura!
-Basura!
863
00:34:28,506 --> 00:34:31,547
No dumping in the garbage can!
No dumping in the garbage can!
864
00:34:31,631 --> 00:34:35,881
I said lo siento!
I said lo siento!
I said l o siento!
865
00:34:35,964 --> 00:34:40,130
( Three Stooges theme plays)
866
00:34:44,631 --> 00:34:46,005
(car door shuts)
867
00:34:46,089 --> 00:34:47,964
(beeps)
868
00:34:49,839 --> 00:34:53,172
(shouting on TV)
869
00:34:54,964 --> 00:34:57,631
(instinct shouting,
guns firing on TV)
870
00:35:00,839 --> 00:35:02,422
Sir, the Union
broke through our lines,
871
00:35:02,506 --> 00:35:04,964
and our troops have
retreated across
the Appomattox.
872
00:35:05,047 --> 00:35:07,756
(dramatic music plays on TV)
873
00:35:07,839 --> 00:35:11,673
Gentlemen, I believe
I need some time to myself.
874
00:35:11,756 --> 00:35:17,005
Narrator (on TV):
Ted Danson is... Lee.
875
00:35:17,339 --> 00:35:18,839
(scoffs quietly)
876
00:35:26,756 --> 00:35:28,172
Ahem.
877
00:35:29,047 --> 00:35:32,589
-So, look, I'm sure we'll go
over all this stuff upstairs--
-I don't think we should speak
878
00:35:32,673 --> 00:35:34,339
unless our attorneys
are present.
879
00:35:34,422 --> 00:35:37,297
You just have to know that
that whole thing was a--
It was a huge--
880
00:35:37,381 --> 00:35:40,547
The audience misunderstood
because I, I, she had a cold.
881
00:35:40,631 --> 00:35:43,214
You made a mockery
of the entire event.
882
00:35:43,297 --> 00:35:46,005
You made a mockery of
sexual harassment survivors.
883
00:35:46,089 --> 00:35:48,005
And you violated
the terms of our agreement.
884
00:35:48,089 --> 00:35:49,756
I think we should just
wait for the lawyers.
885
00:35:49,839 --> 00:35:52,756
Yeah, I had, I had
a whole speech prepared.
It was a great speech.
886
00:35:52,839 --> 00:35:54,964
I talked about Gloria Steinem.
You know, I had a picture of her
887
00:35:55,047 --> 00:35:57,089
up on my wall when
I was a teenager.
888
00:35:57,172 --> 00:35:59,089
She was really attractive.
889
00:35:59,172 --> 00:36:00,839
Excuse me?
890
00:36:00,923 --> 00:36:01,923
No?
891
00:36:02,005 --> 00:36:05,381
That's just completely
inappropriate.
892
00:36:05,464 --> 00:36:08,714
Okay. You know what?
Are you hungry?
893
00:36:09,047 --> 00:36:10,673
Um, a little.
894
00:36:10,756 --> 00:36:12,130
Stay right there.
I have something for you.
895
00:36:12,214 --> 00:36:13,631
Don't, don't move.
Stay right there.
896
00:36:13,714 --> 00:36:16,214
-If the elevators come,
I'm getting in one.
-(beeping)
897
00:36:20,464 --> 00:36:23,130
Okay. All right.
898
00:36:23,214 --> 00:36:24,714
-Here you go.
-What is this?
899
00:36:24,798 --> 00:36:27,673
This is a scone.
They're fantastic.
900
00:36:27,756 --> 00:36:29,422
-(elevator dings)
-Why do you have these?
901
00:36:29,506 --> 00:36:32,756
Well, because I have a, uh,
I'm opening up a store.
902
00:36:32,839 --> 00:36:36,255
T-try it. You'll love it.
Thank you.
903
00:36:38,714 --> 00:36:41,172
Huh?
What do you think?
904
00:36:41,255 --> 00:36:42,881
Pretty good, right?
905
00:36:42,964 --> 00:36:45,255
Yeah. Darn right,
they're good.
906
00:36:46,506 --> 00:36:47,964
(coughs)
Ahem.
907
00:36:49,089 --> 00:36:52,047
-It's so dry.
(coughs)
-Dry? Dry?
908
00:36:52,130 --> 00:36:54,339
(coughs, gags)
909
00:36:54,422 --> 00:36:56,214
-Can't breathe.
-Uh?
910
00:36:56,297 --> 00:36:59,089
Oh, my God!
What? Heimlich? Oh!
911
00:36:59,172 --> 00:37:01,589
-Uh... Oh.
-(choking)
912
00:37:01,673 --> 00:37:03,547
Ooh.
913
00:37:03,631 --> 00:37:05,130
(gagging)
914
00:37:05,214 --> 00:37:07,714
Oh. Aah!
915
00:37:07,798 --> 00:37:09,297
(body thuds)
916
00:37:09,381 --> 00:37:11,089
(elevator dings)
917
00:37:13,464 --> 00:37:15,839
(theme music playing)
918
00:38:17,923 --> 00:38:19,255
You don't invite
a divorced couple to a wedding,
919
00:38:19,339 --> 00:38:21,047
it's a very
combustible situation.
920
00:38:21,214 --> 00:38:22,881
You should--
Two sides, pick one!
921
00:38:22,964 --> 00:38:24,381
♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
922
00:38:24,464 --> 00:38:25,673
I need your weights, by the way.
923
00:38:25,756 --> 00:38:27,297
-SUSIE GREENE:
What do you mean?
-For the plane.
924
00:38:27,381 --> 00:38:29,964
I'd rather be dead in
the Sea of Cortez
925
00:38:30,047 --> 00:38:32,214
than have you know what I weigh.
926
00:38:32,714 --> 00:38:34,673
-Oh! ¿Qué pasa, Larry?
-What?
927
00:38:34,881 --> 00:38:37,339
-Are you kidding me?
-Yeah, not bad, huh?
928
00:38:37,714 --> 00:38:39,422
-How's your room?
-It stinks!
929
00:38:39,506 --> 00:38:40,798
SUSIE:
Why did you even come here?
930
00:38:41,214 --> 00:38:43,881
'Cause everybody was going.
It was presented to me
like it would be fun.
931
00:38:44,381 --> 00:38:46,255
-SUSIE: We're having fun.
-JEFF GREENE: It is fun.
932
00:38:46,506 --> 00:38:47,756
Yeah... I'm having fun.
933
00:38:48,673 --> 00:38:50,923
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
75506
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