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1
00:00:02,938 --> 00:00:04,094
Hey, guys.
2
00:00:04,095 --> 00:00:06,995
Ronnie, where's your uniform?
You look like a pheasant.
3
00:00:07,030 --> 00:00:08,996
You mean peasant. She looks like a peasant.
4
00:00:09,032 --> 00:00:11,132
- Pheasant is a bird.
- I'm so confused.
5
00:00:11,201 --> 00:00:13,267
When I was a boy, we used to hunt both.
6
00:00:13,734 --> 00:00:15,135
I'm not working today.
7
00:00:15,171 --> 00:00:16,876
Actually, me and Bernard and Dave
8
00:00:16,901 --> 00:00:19,007
are flying over to Phoenix
for Jackpot training.
9
00:00:19,032 --> 00:00:21,835
Jackpot training.
What, you need a refresher
10
00:00:21,860 --> 00:00:24,011
on how to tip a can when you pour a drink?
11
00:00:24,047 --> 00:00:25,279
Are you sure you want
to be that condescending
12
00:00:25,315 --> 00:00:27,114
to the people who pour you those drinks?
13
00:00:27,150 --> 00:00:28,416
I instantly regretted it. I'm truly sorry.
14
00:00:28,451 --> 00:00:30,184
- You're a national treasure.
- Mm-hmm.
15
00:00:30,220 --> 00:00:32,119
Yeah, to be honest, it's called training,
16
00:00:32,155 --> 00:00:34,121
but it's really two days of partying,
17
00:00:34,157 --> 00:00:36,960
- drinking out of ice luges.
- And sexual assignations.
18
00:00:36,985 --> 00:00:38,091
Last year, we went through
19
00:00:38,127 --> 00:00:39,810
- two Olympic villages worth of condoms.
- Mm-hmm.
20
00:00:39,835 --> 00:00:42,205
You see, Jackpot doesn't
do things like bonuses
21
00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:43,704
or health insurance or bathroom breaks,
22
00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:46,280
so this is their unofficial
way of making it up to us.
23
00:00:46,281 --> 00:00:48,113
Grapefruits' training is
just a few dance lessons
24
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,415
and how to say "help" in Russian
25
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,350
in case you wake up in
a shipping container.
26
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,384
Hmm.
27
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,219
I can see by your sad faces
28
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:55,996
you've been delivered the bad news.
29
00:00:56,021 --> 00:00:57,721
Your flight today will be lacking
30
00:00:57,746 --> 00:00:59,364
a certain je ne sais Dave.
31
00:00:59,512 --> 00:01:01,477
That's French for moi.
32
00:01:02,019 --> 00:01:04,286
Come on, fellas. We got a party to get to.
33
00:01:10,061 --> 00:01:12,261
Did he just drive away on his suitcase?
34
00:01:12,330 --> 00:01:15,264
Wow, it carries your
stuff and you can ride it.
35
00:01:15,299 --> 00:01:17,266
Sorry, donkeys, you had a good run.
36
00:01:17,301 --> 00:01:18,434
Jackpot Airlines.
37
00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:20,436
Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.
38
00:01:25,209 --> 00:01:27,276
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
39
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:29,300
_
40
00:01:30,047 --> 00:01:31,347
This couldn't be coming at a better time.
41
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:33,015
After these last few months,
42
00:01:33,050 --> 00:01:35,184
I could use two days of
guilt-free sanctioned partying.
43
00:01:35,253 --> 00:01:37,219
Looks like you already
started. What is that?
44
00:01:37,526 --> 00:01:38,691
A Bakersfield mimosa.
45
00:01:38,727 --> 00:01:41,198
Sparkling wine and orange
Jell-O mix. You want some?
46
00:01:41,223 --> 00:01:43,290
Hey, you're using the purse I got you.
47
00:01:43,315 --> 00:01:44,471
No, thank you, Ronnie.
48
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:45,679
I want to be alert and clear-eyed
49
00:01:45,715 --> 00:01:47,548
for my pending rendezvous
with flight attendant tonight
50
00:01:47,573 --> 00:01:49,015
and flight attendant tomorrow.
51
00:01:49,024 --> 00:01:51,130
I have no intention of
learning their names.
52
00:01:51,155 --> 00:01:52,373
Your loss. Dave?
53
00:01:52,374 --> 00:01:54,474
No. I have a cigar and snifter of scotch
54
00:01:54,542 --> 00:01:56,243
waiting for me when I get
upstairs to meet the boys.
55
00:01:56,244 --> 00:01:58,910
It's gonna feel real good
to kick back, light one up,
56
00:01:58,946 --> 00:02:01,727
and trade stories with
Captain Gus and Captain Al.
57
00:02:01,849 --> 00:02:03,493
Oh, look. There's your hallway
58
00:02:03,494 --> 00:02:05,393
back to the golden age for white guys.
59
00:02:05,428 --> 00:02:07,461
Tell the misogyny we say hi.
60
00:02:07,497 --> 00:02:08,612
I will.
61
00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:12,433
I'm so excited, Bernard.
62
00:02:12,468 --> 00:02:14,914
I heard this year there's
gonna be a martini station,
63
00:02:14,939 --> 00:02:16,437
a mashed potato bar,
64
00:02:16,506 --> 00:02:19,640
and a surprising amount of
those bummer desk, chair things.
65
00:02:19,676 --> 00:02:21,676
How the hell are we supposed
to have sex on those?
66
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,278
Never mind, I figured it out.
67
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:27,295
Hi. Hi. Excuse me. You look official.
68
00:02:27,786 --> 00:02:29,565
What's going on? Where's the bar?
69
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,398
Oh, sorry... Ronnie.
70
00:02:31,433 --> 00:02:33,232
Uh, there's not gonna be a bar this year.
71
00:02:33,233 --> 00:02:36,200
Okay, so w-what are you
saying? It's just kegs?
72
00:02:36,445 --> 00:02:39,535
No, what I'm saying is
that the parties are off.
73
00:02:39,803 --> 00:02:41,436
Jackpot has had a significant number
74
00:02:41,471 --> 00:02:43,438
of complaints lodged
against them this year,
75
00:02:43,506 --> 00:02:46,021
so they brought me in to
implement a new policy.
76
00:02:46,022 --> 00:02:48,221
This training seminar is going to be
77
00:02:48,489 --> 00:02:51,155
structured, rigid and mandatory.
78
00:02:51,585 --> 00:02:52,781
Fun's over.
79
00:02:53,671 --> 00:02:55,753
I'm gonna sulk in a sex desk.
80
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,564
It's Captain Dave time.
81
00:03:00,293 --> 00:03:02,220
Are you the flight instructor?
82
00:03:02,309 --> 00:03:04,177
Hi, I'm Captain Jayden.
83
00:03:04,178 --> 00:03:07,244
I'm not your... What's a
Jayden? Where's Gus and Al?
84
00:03:07,458 --> 00:03:10,082
How come I'm not choking
on cigar smoke right now?
85
00:03:10,117 --> 00:03:13,318
Hunter, Aden, Jayden, can we get
this guy a chair and some water?
86
00:03:13,353 --> 00:03:16,725
He's confused. Sir, it's going to be okay.
87
00:03:16,803 --> 00:03:19,090
- Captain Dave.
- Oh, Phil. Thank God.
88
00:03:19,126 --> 00:03:21,159
Did I walk into day care? Where's the crew?
89
00:03:21,195 --> 00:03:22,394
Sorry, Dave. I thought you heard.
90
00:03:22,429 --> 00:03:24,166
You're the last of the old guard.
91
00:03:24,398 --> 00:03:27,584
Now that Al's with United and
Gus is reunited with his wife,
92
00:03:27,779 --> 00:03:29,645
you're training with all
the newbies this year.
93
00:03:29,681 --> 00:03:31,433
That's no problem. We're all pilots.
94
00:03:31,434 --> 00:03:33,069
We all speak the same language.
95
00:03:33,268 --> 00:03:35,918
Hey there, boys. Sorry for the confusion.
96
00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:38,187
What are you drinking over
here? Macallan? Glenlivet?
97
00:03:38,188 --> 00:03:39,553
- Kombucha.
- Gesundheit.
98
00:03:43,414 --> 00:03:45,414
_
99
00:03:47,196 --> 00:03:49,429
So, I spoke to the gate agent.
100
00:03:49,498 --> 00:03:52,132
Apparently somebody tampered
with the smoke detectors.
101
00:03:52,168 --> 00:03:53,333
Ugh. That happens all the time.
102
00:03:53,369 --> 00:03:54,568
Usually Ronnie and Bernard just go in
103
00:03:54,603 --> 00:03:56,603
with a pack of Kools
and smoke it back online.
104
00:03:56,639 --> 00:03:58,539
Huh. Well, clearly the replacement crew
105
00:03:58,607 --> 00:04:01,341
don't know that trick, so
we're gonna be delayed a while.
106
00:04:02,887 --> 00:04:04,508
Hey, Artem, bad news.
107
00:04:04,509 --> 00:04:06,641
We're not making it back
to L.A. anytime soon,
108
00:04:06,676 --> 00:04:08,877
so you have to find someone
to run your hot sauce booth
109
00:04:08,912 --> 00:04:11,546
- at the farmer's market.
- Shh. I'm concentrating.
110
00:04:11,581 --> 00:04:13,648
That slot machine has
not paid out in weeks.
111
00:04:13,683 --> 00:04:15,550
And according to my numbers,
112
00:04:15,585 --> 00:04:18,753
in the next 200 spins,
there will be a huge payout.
113
00:04:18,788 --> 00:04:22,262
And that payout is more than $100,000.
114
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:23,825
Well, the problem is that old lady.
115
00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:25,527
She hasn't moved for hours.
116
00:04:25,562 --> 00:04:28,706
She's very stubborn, like
stain in a Tide commercial.
117
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,019
Hey, if we help you get that machine,
118
00:04:30,088 --> 00:04:32,755
will you split the winnings
with us? I could use the money.
119
00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:33,989
Grapefruits has really
been struggling ever since
120
00:04:34,025 --> 00:04:36,206
that taco place went topless.
121
00:04:36,231 --> 00:04:38,761
Well, yeah. And I want to
put a down payment on a house.
122
00:04:39,133 --> 00:04:41,033
I could be that rarest of unicorns:
123
00:04:41,069 --> 00:04:42,871
a homeowner and an educator.
124
00:04:42,919 --> 00:04:44,262
Okay, you got a deal.
125
00:04:44,263 --> 00:04:47,196
We can split the money, if
you can get that old lady off.
126
00:04:47,231 --> 00:04:49,014
Well, then we better get
that old lady off quick.
127
00:04:49,015 --> 00:04:51,080
Let's maybe stop talking
about getting an old lady off.
128
00:04:53,206 --> 00:04:55,013
I can't believe they're
treating us like this.
129
00:04:55,038 --> 00:04:56,607
No one needs this party more than me.
130
00:04:56,608 --> 00:04:57,706
Uh, I don't know,
131
00:04:57,740 --> 00:04:59,634
except maybe the person
who does most of your work.
132
00:04:59,635 --> 00:05:02,368
Jean Chris, my exfoliator?
Please. He loves what he does.
133
00:05:02,405 --> 00:05:06,096
Hey, this is a bummer for
everyone. We all needed this.
134
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,786
Yeah. I'm furious.
135
00:05:07,787 --> 00:05:09,569
What am I gonna do with all these shrooms?
136
00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:11,702
- I think you ate them.
- Oh, yeah.
137
00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:14,043
Well, what am I gonna do
with all these shrooms?
138
00:05:15,507 --> 00:05:17,500
Okay, that Jackpot Reno crew
139
00:05:17,501 --> 00:05:19,366
- knows how to party.
- Is terrifying.
140
00:05:19,401 --> 00:05:20,767
Everyone, take your seats.
141
00:05:20,803 --> 00:05:23,869
So, you've all heard about
the revamped training.
142
00:05:24,361 --> 00:05:27,262
Up here, you'll see the revised itinerary.
143
00:05:27,993 --> 00:05:29,196
We'll start every day 7:00 a.m....
144
00:05:29,231 --> 00:05:31,161
Okay, I have to say something.
145
00:05:31,854 --> 00:05:33,755
This is total horse crap.
146
00:05:34,236 --> 00:05:36,236
We all work our asses off,
147
00:05:36,272 --> 00:05:38,505
and we deserve two days
a year to enjoy ourselves.
148
00:05:38,541 --> 00:05:40,507
There have been quite a few...
149
00:05:40,543 --> 00:05:42,609
Complaints. Yes, I know.
150
00:05:42,645 --> 00:05:44,511
But, news flash, we're an airline.
151
00:05:44,547 --> 00:05:46,413
Of course we're gonna have complaints.
152
00:05:46,482 --> 00:05:48,582
People hate lines, hassles
and facing their own mortality,
153
00:05:48,617 --> 00:05:51,048
and we make them pay for all three.
154
00:05:51,301 --> 00:05:54,434
So we demand to know what was so bad
155
00:05:54,435 --> 00:05:55,666
that now we're being punished.
156
00:05:55,702 --> 00:05:57,568
Yeah!
157
00:05:57,604 --> 00:06:00,505
Okay. I didn't really
want to single anybody out,
158
00:06:00,573 --> 00:06:03,254
but since you demand to know
159
00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:06,377
what caught our attention, here it is.
160
00:06:06,413 --> 00:06:08,038
Sir, I'm sorry.
161
00:06:08,039 --> 00:06:10,305
You won't stay in your seat,
so you've given us no choice.
162
00:06:10,373 --> 00:06:11,976
Thank you for flying Jackpot.
163
00:06:20,036 --> 00:06:23,416
Two million hits, though.
That's pretty cool.
164
00:06:26,423 --> 00:06:27,517
Hey guys.
165
00:06:28,458 --> 00:06:31,179
Wow, it is rough out here.
No one will even look at us.
166
00:06:31,204 --> 00:06:33,992
I know. Is this what it
feels like to be a seven?
167
00:06:35,174 --> 00:06:36,398
Answer me, Ronnie.
168
00:06:40,012 --> 00:06:41,879
What are you doing? You can't sit here.
169
00:06:41,948 --> 00:06:44,274
What, you're pissed at
us, too? Oh, come on.
170
00:06:44,548 --> 00:06:46,848
Who hasn't had to duct tape
a passenger to his seat?
171
00:06:46,918 --> 00:06:48,784
We were just unlucky enough to get caught.
172
00:06:48,820 --> 00:06:51,587
I've never been caught
because I've never done that.
173
00:06:51,656 --> 00:06:53,656
Yeah, because you fly
the Albuquerque to Vegas.
174
00:06:53,725 --> 00:06:55,825
It's all stoic cowboys and rustic lesbians.
175
00:06:55,894 --> 00:06:58,661
Well, we'll make it up to
you. We'll have our own party.
176
00:06:58,763 --> 00:07:01,697
I'll make Bakersfield Marys.
It's just vodka and ketchup.
177
00:07:01,799 --> 00:07:03,599
You should find somewhere else to sit.
178
00:07:03,668 --> 00:07:05,535
Why don't you try the Reno table?
179
00:07:11,384 --> 00:07:13,754
And then Gus said, "I don't
care if it's just my head"
180
00:07:13,755 --> 00:07:15,754
and your boxers, I can
still fly this plane."
181
00:07:15,823 --> 00:07:17,690
And they let him. It was a different time.
182
00:07:17,792 --> 00:07:19,558
I... I don't think I get it.
183
00:07:19,583 --> 00:07:21,583
So... so he flew in his underwear?
184
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:22,895
No, my underwear.
185
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:24,955
That's why it's such a good story.
186
00:07:24,956 --> 00:07:27,789
Now, a good story is the time
I flew from Newark to Dulles
187
00:07:27,858 --> 00:07:29,924
in 1:12 at a 30-knot wind shear.
188
00:07:29,993 --> 00:07:32,507
No. You didn't. Stop
it. Tell me everything.
189
00:07:32,508 --> 00:07:33,762
Yeah. Yeah. I can't believe
I haven't told you this.
190
00:07:33,830 --> 00:07:34,960
I would love to hear more.
191
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:37,772
You guys look like I feel.
192
00:07:38,272 --> 00:07:39,972
Well, not you, Bernard.
You're always a stunner.
193
00:07:40,154 --> 00:07:41,286
What happened to you?
194
00:07:41,796 --> 00:07:42,910
Ugh.
195
00:07:43,741 --> 00:07:45,077
Just these young guys.
196
00:07:45,155 --> 00:07:46,787
They look at me like I'm a fossil.
197
00:07:46,825 --> 00:07:48,576
They don't appreciate my war stories.
198
00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:50,179
All they care about is their stats.
199
00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:51,812
They don't get that flying is about
200
00:07:51,837 --> 00:07:53,603
the shared human experience.
201
00:07:53,916 --> 00:07:55,983
No one has ever gotten
off a plane and said,
202
00:07:56,051 --> 00:07:57,985
"Oh, I'm so glad we got here so quickly."
203
00:07:58,013 --> 00:07:59,833
- Yes, they have.
- That's literally all people say.
204
00:07:59,872 --> 00:08:02,640
At least everyone isn't pissed
at you for ruining their party.
205
00:08:02,709 --> 00:08:04,254
Yeah. Heard about that.
206
00:08:04,255 --> 00:08:06,877
So one person got duct taped, big deal.
207
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,203
We never claimed to be
the friendly skies.
208
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:12,550
I guess it's just the three
of us versus the Jackpot world.
209
00:08:12,652 --> 00:08:14,344
We have to stick together
till this is over.
210
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:15,704
Yeah. If we're gonna survive this,
211
00:08:15,705 --> 00:08:17,537
we need to be like Lew
Wasserman and Jules Stein
212
00:08:17,607 --> 00:08:19,124
when MCA turned its back on them.
213
00:08:20,201 --> 00:08:21,400
I'm agreeing with you.
214
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,533
We have to stick together.
215
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,274
For the love of God, man, just say that!
216
00:08:28,406 --> 00:08:30,506
Oh, we're now in payout window.
217
00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:32,575
Every spin could bring big money.
218
00:08:33,026 --> 00:08:35,077
Artem. I got this.
219
00:08:35,552 --> 00:08:37,614
I used to work in the British Tea Museum.
220
00:08:37,674 --> 00:08:39,877
The median age was 82.
221
00:08:40,073 --> 00:08:42,063
I spent my days leading elderly ladies
222
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:45,521
down chamomile-scented halls,
steeping them in the history
223
00:08:45,590 --> 00:08:48,376
of our national beverage
and dusting their crumpets.
224
00:08:52,111 --> 00:08:53,900
I got lost in that story.
225
00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,599
- Is he gonna bang that old lady?
- Yeah.
226
00:09:04,842 --> 00:09:06,681
Hey!
227
00:09:08,513 --> 00:09:09,579
Get it!
228
00:09:13,162 --> 00:09:14,317
Ah. Mwah.
229
00:09:14,452 --> 00:09:16,786
Nichole, you are the luckiest,
230
00:09:16,854 --> 00:09:19,744
both spiritually and genetically.
231
00:09:20,039 --> 00:09:21,839
You give her a pull.
232
00:09:25,530 --> 00:09:27,430
- No!
- What?!
233
00:09:27,532 --> 00:09:29,365
- What happened?
- Sorry about that.
234
00:09:29,434 --> 00:09:30,633
I was working on this machine
235
00:09:30,702 --> 00:09:32,368
and I must've tripped the circuit.
236
00:09:32,393 --> 00:09:33,905
It-it'll just be a little while.
237
00:09:35,054 --> 00:09:36,062
What?
238
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:39,542
Oh, this?
239
00:09:39,914 --> 00:09:42,948
It's just 1.2 pounds of timekeeping magic.
240
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,684
It's my IWC Big Pilot's watch.
241
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,953
- The Rolex of wristwatches.
- That's nothing.
242
00:09:48,273 --> 00:09:49,454
Take a look at this.
243
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:52,422
This baby monitors my body temperature,
244
00:09:52,863 --> 00:09:54,129
monitors my serotonin levels.
245
00:09:54,165 --> 00:09:56,131
I can Bluetooth it to
the on-flight computer
246
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,755
so I can track my performance.
247
00:09:58,002 --> 00:10:00,102
You can probably even link
it up to your hearing aid.
248
00:10:01,939 --> 00:10:03,739
Well, I have you know
my hearing was injured
249
00:10:03,808 --> 00:10:05,007
from all my standing ovations I get
250
00:10:05,076 --> 00:10:06,595
from my L.A. to Vegas flight.
251
00:10:06,596 --> 00:10:09,529
Also, from my time as a roadie
for The Huh, a Who cover band.
252
00:10:09,881 --> 00:10:11,648
Wait, you fly the L.A. to Vegas?
253
00:10:11,716 --> 00:10:13,016
So d-do you know those
two flight attendants
254
00:10:13,084 --> 00:10:14,617
that they caught on camera?
255
00:10:14,686 --> 00:10:16,686
Yeah. Ronnie and Bernard.
256
00:10:17,341 --> 00:10:18,573
That's my crew.
257
00:10:18,642 --> 00:10:21,276
Oh, my God. Th-They seem crazy.
258
00:10:21,345 --> 00:10:22,829
You must have, like, a hundred stories.
259
00:10:23,809 --> 00:10:25,551
Oh, I might have one or two.
260
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,141
There was one time when they
buried an unruly passenger
261
00:10:28,209 --> 00:10:30,722
under a pile of rolly bags.
262
00:10:32,234 --> 00:10:33,278
Oh, that's nothing.
263
00:10:33,303 --> 00:10:35,747
I've seen those two use
defibrillator paddles
264
00:10:35,817 --> 00:10:37,589
to make a grilled cheese.
265
00:10:38,219 --> 00:10:40,753
- I'm lactose intolerant.
- Yeah, we all are, Carter.
266
00:10:40,822 --> 00:10:42,889
- Shut up. He's holding court.
- Yeah, shut up, Carter.
267
00:10:44,225 --> 00:10:46,321
Sorry for the delay.
268
00:10:46,529 --> 00:10:50,448
Jackpot Flight 1610 service
to Los Angeles is now boarding.
269
00:10:52,408 --> 00:10:53,654
That's our flight.
270
00:10:53,723 --> 00:10:56,503
Sir, how much longer before
that machine gets fixed?
271
00:10:56,504 --> 00:10:58,336
Hey, these things take time, man.
272
00:10:58,406 --> 00:11:01,142
Well, then that's it. Yeah. Let's go home.
273
00:11:01,734 --> 00:11:03,931
So much for being a
unicorn with a mortgage.
274
00:11:03,932 --> 00:11:05,898
Guess I'm back to being a horse who rents.
275
00:11:06,162 --> 00:11:07,294
Well, we can't give up.
276
00:11:07,363 --> 00:11:08,928
Since the delay,
277
00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:11,897
we're out $72 on overpriced
airport hamburgers,
278
00:11:11,965 --> 00:11:15,901
$21 on water bottles and $11
on Artem's Judith Krantz book.
279
00:11:15,969 --> 00:11:18,870
Yeah. They say her books are formulaic,
280
00:11:18,906 --> 00:11:21,806
but when the formula is perfect...
281
00:11:21,875 --> 00:11:23,137
We're in too deep.
282
00:11:23,138 --> 00:11:25,128
We started something
and we have to finish it.
283
00:11:25,255 --> 00:11:26,621
I say we ditch the flight
284
00:11:26,622 --> 00:11:28,487
and wait for the machine
to be fixed. Who's with me?
285
00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:31,480
- I am.
- Is this really going to hit?
286
00:11:31,670 --> 00:11:33,925
Oh, it's gonna hit big.
287
00:11:34,136 --> 00:11:35,274
Then I'm in.
288
00:11:35,574 --> 00:11:37,513
Who has a fun way to pass the time?
289
00:11:41,304 --> 00:11:43,406
"It was never more difficult
290
00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:45,606
for a woman to be beautiful
291
00:11:45,650 --> 00:11:48,418
than during the 1920s."
292
00:11:51,148 --> 00:11:53,627
Hey, why do you think Layla just
called us in for this meeting?
293
00:11:53,628 --> 00:11:55,252
Whatever it is, just deny.
294
00:11:55,463 --> 00:11:58,395
Like Bjorn, my Swedish
orthopedist, does to our love.
295
00:12:00,421 --> 00:12:02,090
Ronnie. Bernard.
296
00:12:02,999 --> 00:12:06,552
We would like to have
a little chat with you
297
00:12:06,774 --> 00:12:08,907
about some of the stories
that we have been hearing.
298
00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:12,121
We had assumed the video
was an isolated incident.
299
00:12:12,168 --> 00:12:13,406
But among other things,
300
00:12:13,407 --> 00:12:16,902
there's talk of smothering
a passenger with luggage
301
00:12:17,317 --> 00:12:19,551
and a culinary use of the defibrillators.
302
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,814
What do you have to say for yourselves?
303
00:12:21,815 --> 00:12:23,180
- I...
- We did every single one of those things,
304
00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:24,883
and I'd do every single one again.
305
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:26,818
I just realized I do not know this bitch.
306
00:12:26,887 --> 00:12:28,186
When we're in the air,
307
00:12:28,211 --> 00:12:30,525
we have to act quickly
for the safety of everyone.
308
00:12:30,526 --> 00:12:32,392
And sometimes that means grilling a cheese
309
00:12:32,494 --> 00:12:35,428
for a screaming kid or
using 18 pounds of luggage
310
00:12:35,497 --> 00:12:37,464
for a woman who forgot
her weighted blanket.
311
00:12:37,532 --> 00:12:39,399
We have protocol for things like that.
312
00:12:39,434 --> 00:12:41,534
Well, protocol doesn't exactly help
313
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,603
when you're breaking apart
a bachelorette party fight
314
00:12:43,672 --> 00:12:45,438
between three girls named Jessica
315
00:12:45,507 --> 00:12:47,640
because Jessica 2 forgot the penis pops.
316
00:12:48,594 --> 00:12:51,811
Bernard and I work on a
flight that has monsters,
317
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:55,448
and, deep down, in places you
don't talk about at parties,
318
00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:57,424
you want us on that flight.
319
00:12:57,463 --> 00:12:59,571
You need us on that flight.
320
00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:01,126
Who's gonna do it? You?
321
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,474
You, Flight Attendant Weinberg?
322
00:13:04,633 --> 00:13:06,966
You are both suspended
until further notice.
323
00:13:07,006 --> 00:13:08,763
And when we return to Vegas tomorrow,
324
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,654
a disciplinary committee
will decide the best way
325
00:13:10,724 --> 00:13:12,624
- to move forward with you.
- I'd like to switch
326
00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,593
and become a star witness
for the prosecution.
327
00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:18,612
So it's always four cologne
blasts: Two to the chest,
328
00:13:18,637 --> 00:13:20,236
one to the neck and one to the bean bag.
329
00:13:20,305 --> 00:13:21,371
It burns like hell, but let me...
330
00:13:21,439 --> 00:13:24,137
Hey, what the hell have
you been saying about us?
331
00:13:24,367 --> 00:13:25,422
What do you mean?
332
00:13:25,423 --> 00:13:26,820
See, he's smart enough to deny it.
333
00:13:26,956 --> 00:13:29,624
Let me guess, all those
young guys were making fun
334
00:13:29,659 --> 00:13:31,793
of your old man shoes, and you
resorted to stories about us
335
00:13:31,818 --> 00:13:32,960
to get some laughs.
336
00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:35,955
No. It was my old man watch.
337
00:13:36,317 --> 00:13:38,250
And, yeah, I told some stories,
but nothing that wasn't true.
338
00:13:38,319 --> 00:13:40,145
You got us suspended!
339
00:13:40,170 --> 00:13:42,143
We are screwed now because
you put yourself first
340
00:13:42,211 --> 00:13:43,344
like you always do.
341
00:13:43,369 --> 00:13:44,754
To be fair, it's not all Dave's fault.
342
00:13:44,779 --> 00:13:47,037
You're the one who went rogue
and started yelling at everyone.
343
00:13:47,038 --> 00:13:50,806
Excuse me. At least I tried
to do something to fix this.
344
00:13:50,874 --> 00:13:53,290
All you ever do is raise
an eyebrow, cross your arms
345
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,703
and wait for me to finish so
you can pipe in a snarky comment.
346
00:13:55,728 --> 00:13:56,735
Are you done?
347
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,025
Knew he was gonna do it. Still loved it.
348
00:13:58,094 --> 00:14:00,290
Don't you take my side.
I should go tell everyone
349
00:14:00,291 --> 00:14:01,758
all the crazy nonsense you do on the plane,
350
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,499
but I won't because I know how insecure
351
00:14:03,568 --> 00:14:04,634
and desperate to be liked you are.
352
00:14:04,702 --> 00:14:06,802
- Thank you.
- He just insulted you, Dave.
353
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,561
I know. How?
354
00:14:09,774 --> 00:14:11,437
Now you're defending him? Please.
355
00:14:11,462 --> 00:14:12,736
You've been lying for years
356
00:14:12,761 --> 00:14:14,027
about not watching Game of Thrones,
357
00:14:14,052 --> 00:14:15,671
so you don't have to deal
with all his questions.
358
00:14:15,672 --> 00:14:17,671
How could you? You know
how bad I am with history.
359
00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:19,873
I had to read the books, and
the books don't have boobs.
360
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,675
Well, maybe I'm just tired of you
361
00:14:21,744 --> 00:14:23,644
relying on me for everything.
362
00:14:23,713 --> 00:14:27,581
Both of you! You expect me to
have the answers all the time,
363
00:14:27,683 --> 00:14:29,783
and I am sick of bailing you both out.
364
00:14:29,819 --> 00:14:31,518
Oh, look. It's Ronnie the martyr.
365
00:14:31,587 --> 00:14:33,554
I didn't recognize you
without your crown of thorns.
366
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,522
No spoilers. I haven't seen season seven.
367
00:14:35,591 --> 00:14:36,972
I think I see the problem here.
368
00:14:36,997 --> 00:14:39,245
We've been flying
together for way too long.
369
00:14:39,270 --> 00:14:40,660
We make a terrible team,
370
00:14:40,730 --> 00:14:43,697
and I don't know if I want
to be a part of it anymore.
371
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:46,934
And cue Bernard's snarky comment.
372
00:14:47,003 --> 00:14:49,547
No. This is one Ronnie speech I agree with.
373
00:14:50,602 --> 00:14:53,144
Even if her hair looks like
something a goat sleeps on.
374
00:14:57,579 --> 00:14:58,846
- Ah.
- _
375
00:14:59,212 --> 00:15:00,592
Is the machine fixed yet?
376
00:15:00,593 --> 00:15:02,493
- Not yet.
- I don't understand.
377
00:15:02,561 --> 00:15:04,561
How are you two still
functioning right now?
378
00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:05,762
You're with a stripper and a gambler.
379
00:15:05,831 --> 00:15:07,864
3:00 a.m. is the middle of the day for us.
380
00:15:07,933 --> 00:15:09,800
After this, we're going to get lunch.
381
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,636
Now transition into Tadasana.
382
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:17,407
Mm. Garudasana.
383
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:24,720
_
384
00:15:24,745 --> 00:15:26,994
So, we're almost halfway there.
You want to do a little switch
385
00:15:27,019 --> 00:15:29,190
and let me jockey this thoroughbred?
386
00:15:29,527 --> 00:15:30,574
I'm good.
387
00:15:30,575 --> 00:15:32,408
I've seen guys your age drive before,
388
00:15:32,476 --> 00:15:34,082
and I don't want to
have the right blinker on
389
00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:35,464
for the entire flight, so...
390
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,527
Just sit back and think
about all the clothing you own
391
00:15:39,597 --> 00:15:41,572
that was made before I was even born.
392
00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:45,874
Fashion's cyclical, Jayden.
393
00:15:47,107 --> 00:15:50,308
I am still not talking to you,
but I wanted you to have this.
394
00:15:50,309 --> 00:15:52,308
It's for my white suede
outfit you threw out.
395
00:15:52,538 --> 00:15:54,691
Oh, please. You didn't
even buy that outfit.
396
00:15:54,716 --> 00:15:55,916
You stole it from your mom.
397
00:15:55,984 --> 00:15:58,585
No. The one I stole from
my mom had a red wine stain.
398
00:15:58,654 --> 00:15:59,920
The one you threw out was payment
399
00:15:59,945 --> 00:16:02,479
from that lawn mowing nerd
I fake-dated to make popular.
400
00:16:02,902 --> 00:16:04,925
Fine. Since we're doing this,
401
00:16:06,692 --> 00:16:08,440
this is a bill for two months back rent.
402
00:16:08,465 --> 00:16:09,598
Okay, well, these cancel each other out,
403
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,329
so I'm just gonna tear this up,
404
00:16:11,330 --> 00:16:13,674
and now I'm gonna go be the
hero and get our jobs back.
405
00:16:17,169 --> 00:16:19,476
Look, Layla, I'm sorry about yesterday.
406
00:16:19,477 --> 00:16:23,040
I reacted badly, and if
you were generous enough
407
00:16:23,114 --> 00:16:25,881
to lift our suspensions, moving forward,
408
00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:28,708
I promise that I will stick to protocol.
409
00:16:29,713 --> 00:16:30,953
What do you think?
410
00:16:31,553 --> 00:16:32,827
I'm sorry.
411
00:16:33,496 --> 00:16:35,429
I'm-I'm just trying to figure out
412
00:16:35,499 --> 00:16:37,186
how you said all of that without a mouth.
413
00:16:37,557 --> 00:16:38,612
What?
414
00:16:41,171 --> 00:16:43,374
Oh, no. Where did you get that cookie?
415
00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:45,471
We have an emergency.
416
00:16:45,540 --> 00:16:47,373
Layla accidentally ate a Reno cookie,
417
00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:49,171
and now she's high and
she thinks she's a pirate!
418
00:16:49,202 --> 00:16:51,069
Land ho, Captain!
419
00:16:51,104 --> 00:16:53,104
That's hilarious. I have
a hanger in my carry-on
420
00:16:53,140 --> 00:16:54,973
if she wants to do a hook thing.
421
00:16:55,042 --> 00:16:57,909
It's not just Layla. The
entire Reno crew is high.
422
00:16:57,978 --> 00:17:00,678
I'm not sure on what, but it has a very
423
00:17:00,747 --> 00:17:02,402
"cooked in a motel bathtub" vibe.
424
00:17:02,403 --> 00:17:04,325
This isn't funny. This is an emergency!
425
00:17:04,388 --> 00:17:05,872
There are too many people in this cockpit.
426
00:17:05,873 --> 00:17:08,974
- Everyone relax. Bernie!
- You're inviting more?
427
00:17:10,009 --> 00:17:11,192
What's the sitch?
428
00:17:11,193 --> 00:17:12,992
Seth is peaking, Alison's
crying, and Scotty's trying
429
00:17:13,094 --> 00:17:14,823
to do a Die Hard crawl
through the overhead bins.
430
00:17:14,824 --> 00:17:16,392
We have to make an emergency landing!
431
00:17:16,393 --> 00:17:19,530
Oh, my little Jayden. That's
the inexperience talking.
432
00:17:19,555 --> 00:17:21,059
- You got this?
- Piece of cake.
433
00:17:21,278 --> 00:17:23,348
Ronnie, wait. This is important.
434
00:17:23,893 --> 00:17:26,493
- Save me one of those cookies.
- I already have.
435
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:27,644
Nice.
436
00:17:31,694 --> 00:17:33,444
What the hell?
437
00:17:34,534 --> 00:17:36,703
I tried to make things
better. I don't think I did.
438
00:17:41,217 --> 00:17:42,986
I tried to warm up a lavender eye mask.
439
00:17:42,987 --> 00:17:44,753
To calm down Layla, and then this happened.
440
00:17:44,788 --> 00:17:47,866
You never use the microwave.
That's what the paddles are for.
441
00:17:49,008 --> 00:17:50,551
I'll handle this, you handle them.
442
00:17:50,576 --> 00:17:51,803
Let's get to work.
443
00:17:54,113 --> 00:17:55,715
Now would be a good time for the captain
444
00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:56,980
to reassure the passengers.
445
00:17:57,886 --> 00:17:59,022
Oh.
446
00:18:00,488 --> 00:18:01,885
Hey, everyone.
447
00:18:01,954 --> 00:18:04,921
I-I just want to let you know
there's no reason to panic.
448
00:18:05,024 --> 00:18:06,555
- We are...
- What the hell are you doing?
449
00:18:06,580 --> 00:18:08,421
- I...
- Never say "panic" to a plane
450
00:18:08,446 --> 00:18:09,773
full of passengers.
451
00:18:10,095 --> 00:18:12,554
This calls for the
soothing, gravely whisper
452
00:18:12,965 --> 00:18:15,232
forged by a thousand cigars.
453
00:18:15,874 --> 00:18:18,328
Hey, there, folks. Captain Dave here.
454
00:18:18,329 --> 00:18:20,295
I know we got a bit of
an unexpected situation,
455
00:18:20,364 --> 00:18:22,297
but nothing we just don't call a Tuesday
456
00:18:22,743 --> 00:18:24,709
on the old L.A. to Vegas run.
457
00:18:24,778 --> 00:18:26,174
This whole thing actually reminds me
458
00:18:26,175 --> 00:18:28,400
of something Captain
Papa Dave once told me.
459
00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:31,433
He said, "Son, do all the drugs you want."
460
00:18:31,502 --> 00:18:33,568
"Just don't do them with people from Reno.
461
00:18:33,975 --> 00:18:35,470
Because they're sickos."
462
00:18:35,850 --> 00:18:39,341
Now sit back, relax and enjoy
our descent into Las Vegas.
463
00:18:39,443 --> 00:18:42,065
I'm gonna go ahead and turn
the fasten seat belt sign off...
464
00:18:43,614 --> 00:18:45,721
...because it's gonna be a smooth landing.
465
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,586
Layla, trust me.
466
00:18:51,655 --> 00:18:54,423
If you let go, you're not gonna float away.
467
00:18:56,950 --> 00:18:59,561
Good. Gravity's back.
468
00:18:59,801 --> 00:19:02,731
- Are you feeling better?
- I think so. Thank you.
469
00:19:03,266 --> 00:19:05,500
And I'm sorry, 'cause now I understand
470
00:19:05,569 --> 00:19:08,737
how your way of doing things
can sometimes be just necessary.
471
00:19:09,016 --> 00:19:11,063
- And our suspensions?
- Never happened.
472
00:19:11,304 --> 00:19:13,271
- And the party?
- Back on, next year.
473
00:19:13,338 --> 00:19:14,976
We were thinking next Wednesday.
474
00:19:15,016 --> 00:19:16,459
And we want a mashed potato bar
475
00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:17,890
with one of those desk-chair combos
476
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,944
and a private room with
a blind harp player.
477
00:19:20,296 --> 00:19:21,984
Whatever you want, no problem.
478
00:19:22,478 --> 00:19:23,958
Now, if you will excuse me,
479
00:19:23,983 --> 00:19:26,016
I have to go rub my face against that wall.
480
00:19:26,059 --> 00:19:27,225
- Mm.
- Okay.
481
00:19:28,965 --> 00:19:30,665
Artem, hours ago, you said,
482
00:19:30,767 --> 00:19:32,667
"Trust me, this thing is ready to pop."
483
00:19:32,736 --> 00:19:34,502
Yeah, but earlier, I was mistaken.
484
00:19:34,604 --> 00:19:36,638
But now, believe me when I say trust me,
485
00:19:36,706 --> 00:19:38,706
this thing is ready to pop.
486
00:19:42,846 --> 00:19:45,330
You know what? I'm done.
This-this is ridiculous.
487
00:19:45,331 --> 00:19:47,330
I can literally taste my own breath.
488
00:19:47,399 --> 00:19:49,276
No, listen to me, my friend.
489
00:19:49,334 --> 00:19:51,468
Life is a slot machine.
490
00:19:51,872 --> 00:19:54,504
Sometimes you're wasting hours in a chair
491
00:19:54,573 --> 00:19:56,606
where nothing really happens,
492
00:19:56,708 --> 00:19:59,718
and sometimes things line up
493
00:19:59,743 --> 00:20:01,777
just in the right way
494
00:20:01,802 --> 00:20:03,835
and just in the right moment,
495
00:20:04,323 --> 00:20:06,757
and it really seems like magic
496
00:20:07,174 --> 00:20:10,195
does exist after all.
497
00:20:14,267 --> 00:20:16,964
- I hate you!
- Whoa.
498
00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:18,063
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Stupid machine!
499
00:20:18,166 --> 00:20:19,899
Stop embarrassing me
in front of my friends!
500
00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:21,167
- Oh, Artem, no.
- No, no, no, no, no!
501
00:20:21,236 --> 00:20:23,002
- He's not worth it.
- There, stop it.
502
00:20:28,076 --> 00:20:29,453
So...
503
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:30,553
Yeah.
504
00:20:31,079 --> 00:20:32,153
Me, too.
505
00:20:32,735 --> 00:20:34,802
Listen, I might not say it
enough, but I want you both
506
00:20:34,870 --> 00:20:37,524
to know it's an honor to
share the sky with you.
507
00:20:38,128 --> 00:20:40,186
- And next time, I won't...
- Yes, you will.
508
00:20:40,495 --> 00:20:42,261
But I will try really hard not to...
509
00:20:42,330 --> 00:20:44,263
- No, you won't.
- No one interrupt me.
510
00:20:44,366 --> 00:20:47,281
I'm still gonna make smart-ass
comments, and they will sting.
511
00:20:49,404 --> 00:20:51,471
Hey. What are you guys still doing here?
512
00:20:51,539 --> 00:20:53,639
- You haven't flown home yet?
- It's a long story.
513
00:20:53,708 --> 00:20:55,575
Please, just get us back to L.A.
514
00:20:55,944 --> 00:20:57,410
Okay. Okay, come on.
515
00:20:57,479 --> 00:21:00,185
Let's go talk to a gate
agent, get you on a flight.
516
00:21:02,196 --> 00:21:04,517
Oh, wow. Looks like someone
just won the jackpot.
517
00:21:05,147 --> 00:21:07,320
Wait. Was that our machine?
518
00:21:07,389 --> 00:21:09,648
Don't turn around. Never turn around.
519
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:12,852
The money! It won't stop coming! I'm rich!
39993
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