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1
00:01:10,690 --> 00:01:12,966
Where's Bob?
He called this meeting for 9:00.
2
00:01:13,026 --> 00:01:16,064
- It's already 1 O after.
- A shrink has no sense of time.
3
00:01:16,129 --> 00:01:20,009
They're not really doctors.
They don't deal with life and death like we do.
4
00:01:20,066 --> 00:01:23,411
Listen, I've got a society nosejob
waiting in my office.
5
00:01:23,470 --> 00:01:26,974
Hold it, Phil, We should wait.
Bob said it was a personal matter.
6
00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,987
- Probably needs our advice.
- Well, when he gets here...
7
00:01:30,043 --> 00:01:33,456
tell him my advice is to forget it,
because when a marriage is over, it's over.
8
00:01:33,513 --> 00:01:35,220
There's nothing wrong
with his marriage.
9
00:01:35,282 --> 00:01:37,762
If there was, he wouldn't come to you.
He'd come to me.
10
00:01:37,818 --> 00:01:40,458
- Oh, really? What else could it be?
- Money.
11
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,558
I asked him to lend me a nickel
for the parking meter yesterday...
12
00:01:43,623 --> 00:01:45,967
the man claimed
he didn't have change.
13
00:01:46,026 --> 00:01:50,168
- Come to think of it, he's done that to me a lot.
- Mm-hmm. Bob's broke.
14
00:01:50,230 --> 00:01:52,608
That's not it. I borrow money
from him all the time.
15
00:01:52,666 --> 00:01:55,476
Well, then it can only be one thing-
he is sick.
16
00:01:55,535 --> 00:01:58,744
You know, come to think of it,
he has looked a little pasty lately.
17
00:01:58,805 --> 00:02:02,878
God, his marriage is over,
he's broke, and he's gonna die.
18
00:02:04,744 --> 00:02:06,690
Not his week.
19
00:02:07,848 --> 00:02:10,124
Uh, there's someone
outside to seejerry.
20
00:02:10,183 --> 00:02:12,185
- Who are you?
- I'm Gail.
21
00:02:12,252 --> 00:02:14,493
- Where's Carol?
- She's on vacation.
22
00:02:14,554 --> 00:02:17,398
Again? That's twice
in two years.
23
00:02:19,526 --> 00:02:21,802
Well, broads are all alike.
24
00:02:21,862 --> 00:02:24,206
I object to
the term “broads?
25
00:02:24,264 --> 00:02:26,335
- I am a woman.
- Not really.
26
00:02:28,201 --> 00:02:31,080
I mean that in the nicest
possible way.
27
00:02:31,137 --> 00:02:33,879
Uh, look, I've been here before.
I can handle everything.
28
00:02:33,940 --> 00:02:35,977
- Now, which one of you isjerry?
- Me.
29
00:02:36,042 --> 00:02:38,716
Okay, fine. What do I tell the person
waiting outside to see you?
30
00:02:38,778 --> 00:02:41,258
Look, whatever your name is,
we are having a meeting here.
31
00:02:41,314 --> 00:02:43,351
My best friend
is in trouble!
32
00:02:43,416 --> 00:02:45,760
- Who's out there?
- I don't know. Some girl.
33
00:02:45,819 --> 00:02:48,265
Really? Well,
I'll see you later.
34
00:02:48,321 --> 00:02:50,699
- Uh, pardon me, Gail. Is that your name?
-Yeah.
35
00:02:50,757 --> 00:02:53,567
Uh,just, uh, how well
do you know Carol?
36
00:02:53,627 --> 00:02:56,836
- Pretty well. - Did she ever tell
you anything personal about Bob?
37
00:02:56,897 --> 00:02:59,571
He doesn't pay her enough.
But she likes him anyway.
38
00:02:59,633 --> 00:03:04,343
Bob called us here because something horrible
is happening in his life.
39
00:03:04,404 --> 00:03:06,782
And we wanna know
what it is.
40
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:10,049
Well, I guess Carol should be the one
to tell you this...
41
00:03:10,110 --> 00:03:12,852
but I understand
that during a full moon...
42
00:03:12,913 --> 00:03:16,190
Bob has a tendency
to chase cars.
43
00:03:18,852 --> 00:03:21,298
Maybe we should
call in a vet.
44
00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:26,566
Oh, hi. Sorry I'm late. I didn't have
any change for the meter.
45
00:03:26,626 --> 00:03:29,470
- I had to park on a side street.
- I knew it. You're broke.
46
00:03:29,529 --> 00:03:32,942
Oh, no, he isn't.
Look at the man's complexion. He is sick.
47
00:03:32,999 --> 00:03:36,412
You'd look sick too if your marriage
was going down the tubes.
48
00:03:37,771 --> 00:03:40,217
Is this my
fear of sanity group?
49
00:03:41,708 --> 00:03:44,279
Look, Bob, uh, we were
sort of speculating...
50
00:03:44,344 --> 00:03:47,587
on what's wrong with you,
and obviously something is.
51
00:03:47,647 --> 00:03:50,457
Nothing's wrong.
I just wanted to talk to you about my sister.
52
00:03:50,517 --> 00:03:52,258
- She's broke.
- She's sick.
53
00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:54,060
Her marriage is
down the tubes.
54
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:57,624
- Will you let me tell you?
- Well, Bob, get to it.
55
00:03:57,691 --> 00:04:00,137
- We are doctors.
- All right. She, uh-
56
00:04:00,193 --> 00:04:02,833
She wants to do an article about us,
and her editor gave approval.
57
00:04:02,896 --> 00:04:04,967
I just wanted to know
how you feel about it.
58
00:04:05,031 --> 00:04:08,205
- Well, I hate it.
- And I love it.
59
00:04:08,268 --> 00:04:11,272
- Why?
- Because you hate it.
60
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,682
Let me get this straight.
61
00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:15,845
Your sister wants
to do an article...
62
00:04:15,909 --> 00:04:18,583
- on a day in the life of a medical building.
- Exactly.
63
00:04:18,645 --> 00:04:21,751
Oh, that's perfect. She can talk
to Dr. Harris, an adequate G.P.
64
00:04:21,815 --> 00:04:23,761
Jerry, an average orthodontist.
65
00:04:23,817 --> 00:04:27,321
And of course, Bob,
a competent psychologist. And myself.
66
00:04:27,387 --> 00:04:32,336
The Michelangelo
of grotesque deformity...
67
00:04:32,392 --> 00:04:34,338
battling the plague
and the scourge...
68
00:04:34,394 --> 00:04:37,398
epidemics of
crippling ugliness.
69
00:04:37,464 --> 00:04:40,673
And then there's Bernie
for comic relief.
70
00:04:40,734 --> 00:04:44,113
I resent that. Urology is
an honorable profession.
71
00:04:44,170 --> 00:04:46,047
Look, all I need
is yes or no.
72
00:04:46,106 --> 00:04:47,585
- Yes.
- It's okay by me.
73
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,553
- Well, me too. Except for one thing, okay?
- What's that?
74
00:04:50,610 --> 00:04:53,113
I don't want anybody
to tell her what I do.
75
00:04:53,179 --> 00:04:55,250
I thought it was
an honorable profession.
76
00:04:55,315 --> 00:04:57,852
Well, that's no reason to
shout it from the rooftops.
77
00:04:57,917 --> 00:05:00,796
Nobody cares
what you do, Bernie.
78
00:05:00,854 --> 00:05:03,300
I'm sorry I'm late, Bob.
But that was important.
79
00:05:03,356 --> 00:05:06,064
I had to interview
a dental cleavage- technician.
80
00:05:06,126 --> 00:05:08,470
That's all rightjerry.
The meetings over.
81
00:05:08,528 --> 00:05:12,032
So, what's the problem? Boy, you should've
heard them talking before you got here.
82
00:05:12,098 --> 00:05:15,079
They figured it could be only three things-
either you're bankrupt...
83
00:05:15,135 --> 00:05:17,206
- getting a divorce or dying.
- [Chuckles]
84
00:05:19,606 --> 00:05:21,745
Can you lend me
1 O bucks?
85
00:05:21,808 --> 00:05:23,947
- Yeah, sureJerry.
- Ten-spot.
86
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:30,851
Thanks. How's, uh, everything going
between you and Emily?
87
00:05:30,917 --> 00:05:32,919
Fine.
88
00:05:48,535 --> 00:05:50,515
- More coffee anyone?
- Yeah, I'll have some.
89
00:05:50,570 --> 00:05:53,449
- More muffins too if you've got 'em.
- Happen to have 'em here, Morty.
90
00:05:53,506 --> 00:05:55,986
- Can I have another, uh, cup of coffee?
- Sure, dear.
91
00:05:56,042 --> 00:05:58,420
Second cup of coffee.
92
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,061
- What, uh- What did you just write down?
- Oh, it's not important.
93
00:06:03,116 --> 00:06:05,528
Uh, listen, Bob, I just want you
to ignore me today.
94
00:06:05,585 --> 00:06:08,191
I mean, forget that I'm your sister.
I'm a reporter.
95
00:06:08,254 --> 00:06:10,256
- And you're a shrink.
- [Howard Knocking] I'm back!
96
00:06:10,323 --> 00:06:12,269
Come in, Howard.
It's open.
97
00:06:12,325 --> 00:06:14,532
“ (Dug!
98
00:06:26,539 --> 00:06:29,349
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, except for my knee and my-
99
00:06:29,409 --> 00:06:31,389
my shoulder
and my forehead.
100
00:06:31,444 --> 00:06:33,924
Yeah, but I don't-
I don't wanna ruin your day.
101
00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:36,392
I've learned
to live with pain.
102
00:06:36,449 --> 00:06:39,123
- Would you like some bacon and eggs, Howard?
- No, thank you.
103
00:06:39,185 --> 00:06:42,894
I'm in too much pain.
I'll have some, uh- some toast though.
104
00:06:42,956 --> 00:06:45,129
I'll have his eggs.
105
00:06:45,191 --> 00:06:48,934
- Who's he? - Oh, Howard, I'd like
you to meet my photographer, Morty.
106
00:06:48,995 --> 00:06:50,736
Oh, glad to meet you.
107
00:06:52,899 --> 00:06:55,106
You guys do
a real great job, you know.
108
00:06:55,168 --> 00:06:58,615
I mean, without pictures in newspapers,
newspapers would just be news.
109
00:06:58,671 --> 00:07:01,015
- Honey, can I see you in the kitchen?
- Sure.
110
00:07:01,074 --> 00:07:04,248
Uh, I was talking
to Bob.
111
00:07:04,310 --> 00:07:07,484
Oh, I'm sorry. When Ellen
says “honey,“ she usually means me.
112
00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:13,492
You know what I heard once?
A picture's worth a thousand words.
113
00:07:13,553 --> 00:07:15,260
Would you pass the butter?
114
00:07:15,321 --> 00:07:17,858
You know, Bob, if you're gonna have
your picture taken today...
115
00:07:17,924 --> 00:07:19,870
I don't think
you oughta wear that tie.
116
00:07:19,926 --> 00:07:22,702
Why not?
Uh, Ellen gave it to me.
117
00:07:22,762 --> 00:07:25,140
She must've given it
to you as a joke.
118
00:07:26,966 --> 00:07:29,776
The reason you think it's a joke
is because it's- it's daytime.
119
00:07:29,836 --> 00:07:32,316
I mean, at night,
it glows in the dark.
120
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,653
Testing.
Testing. Testing.
121
00:07:37,710 --> 00:07:41,055
You hear that? Why does everyone always
say “testing, testing“ when they're testing?
122
00:07:41,114 --> 00:07:43,151
- J el ly.
- [Howard] Well, I gotta go.
123
00:07:43,216 --> 00:07:46,857
I've gotta go soaring off
into the sunrise.
124
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,866
It's my job, soaring.
125
00:07:50,790 --> 00:07:53,293
Are you gonna
eat your toast?
126
00:07:53,359 --> 00:07:55,737
No, no. Thank you.
Nice talking to you, Morty.
127
00:07:55,795 --> 00:07:58,503
Well, it was
a thrill for me too.
128
00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:01,239
- [Bob ] I guess /'//go too.
- I hope everything goes well today.
129
00:08:01,301 --> 00:08:05,443
Thanks. I'll ask him my first
probing question on the way out.
130
00:08:05,505 --> 00:08:08,315
- Shoot.
- You're not really gonna wear that tie, are ya?
131
00:08:10,810 --> 00:08:12,915
Oh, uh, come on, Morty.
We're leaving.
132
00:08:12,979 --> 00:08:16,222
- You go ahead without me. I'll grab a cab.
- Morty!
133
00:08:16,282 --> 00:08:18,853
- Oh, all right.
- Did you have enough to eat, Morty?
134
00:08:18,918 --> 00:08:21,728
No, but we'll break
for lunch early.
135
00:08:26,626 --> 00:08:29,402
- Hi, Phil.
- I beg your pardon?
136
00:08:29,462 --> 00:08:32,671
- “Hi, Phil.“
- It's Dr. Newman.
137
00:08:32,732 --> 00:08:36,737
Let's conduct ourselves with a little
decorum today. After all, this is press day.
138
00:08:36,803 --> 00:08:40,717
- Uh, when will Carol be back?
- Soon, I hope.
139
00:08:40,773 --> 00:08:43,913
This place
is a snake pit.
140
00:08:43,977 --> 00:08:47,288
Ah. Well, well,
good morning, doctors.
141
00:08:47,347 --> 00:08:48,018
- Doctor.
- Doctor.
142
00:08:48,081 --> 00:08:49,287
- Doctor.
- Doctor.
143
00:08:49,349 --> 00:08:54,628
Sure, but try calling one
in the middle of the night.
144
00:08:54,687 --> 00:08:57,224
Oh, good morning, doctors.
145
00:09:02,328 --> 00:09:05,036
Uh, Doctor, when do you think
the press will get here?
146
00:09:05,098 --> 00:09:07,203
Well, Doctor,
I hope very soon...
147
00:09:07,267 --> 00:09:12,512
otherwise they're gonna have to
vacuum your head again.
148
00:09:12,572 --> 00:09:15,052
I wore this before
at the last Christmas party.
149
00:09:15,108 --> 00:09:17,884
Oh, that's right. You were doing
the Mexican hat dance...
150
00:09:17,944 --> 00:09:22,415
and it fell on the floor,
and everybody thought it was a tarantula.
151
00:09:22,482 --> 00:09:26,624
Oh, look who's talking. I noticed you used
a little eyebrow pencil this morning.
152
00:09:26,686 --> 00:09:28,632
You're full of it, Doctor.
153
00:09:28,688 --> 00:09:32,795
Some days his eyebrowsjust happen
to be darker than others.
154
00:09:32,859 --> 00:09:37,069
Well, if you'll excuse me, doctors. I have
some important doctor stuff to take care of.
155
00:09:37,130 --> 00:09:39,474
Got to fix
my spit sink.
156
00:09:40,533 --> 00:09:42,513
[Elevator Bell Dings]
157
00:09:42,568 --> 00:09:46,072
Well, good morning, Doctor.
And this must be your sister, Ellen.
158
00:09:46,139 --> 00:09:48,585
How do you do?
lam Dr. Newman.
159
00:09:48,641 --> 00:09:50,643
-I know. Hi, Phil.
- Oh.
160
00:09:50,710 --> 00:09:53,884
Welcome, welcome,
to the Rimpau Medical Arts Building.
161
00:09:53,946 --> 00:09:56,654
Oh, well, thank you.
You mind if we get off the elevator?
162
00:09:56,716 --> 00:09:58,889
Oh, certainly. Certainly.
And-And if there's...
163
00:09:58,951 --> 00:10:01,522
anything we can do to
make your stay more comfortable...
164
00:10:01,587 --> 00:10:03,533
you just talk
to Dr. Tupperman.
165
00:10:03,589 --> 00:10:06,661
He's the little fella here
with the tarantula on his head.
166
00:10:08,061 --> 00:10:11,201
Oh, my God, Bernie.
Wh-What are you wearing?
167
00:10:12,765 --> 00:10:16,178
Come on, Bob.
You've seen this jacket before.
168
00:10:17,437 --> 00:10:20,145
Does anybody know how
to load this thing?
169
00:10:21,507 --> 00:10:24,647
- I can take a look at it.
- Oh, thanks, Bob.
170
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:26,918
Is there a coffee shop
around here?
171
00:10:26,979 --> 00:10:28,959
- Yeah, d-downstairs.
- Oh, fine.
172
00:10:29,015 --> 00:10:31,996
Call me when you get it loaded.
I'm gonna grab a bite to eat.
173
00:10:32,051 --> 00:10:34,053
Morty, you just ate
a half an hour ago.
174
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:37,294
Oh, no wonder
I'm so hungry.
175
00:10:37,657 --> 00:10:41,628
Well, I guess I'll tape some interviews
and have some pictures taken later.
176
00:10:41,694 --> 00:10:44,197
Well, why not, uh,
start with plastic surgery?
177
00:10:44,263 --> 00:10:47,733
Why don't we mosey on down
to the face-lift factory.
178
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,076
Uh, you could
start with me.
179
00:10:50,136 --> 00:10:53,811
- My field is just as interesting as his.
- What is your field?
180
00:10:53,873 --> 00:10:56,376
I'd rather not say.
181
00:10:56,442 --> 00:11:00,185
Why don't we let her start where
she wants to start.
182
00:11:00,246 --> 00:11:02,487
I'm in 713.
183
00:11:02,548 --> 00:11:05,154
I thought that office
was abandoned.
184
00:11:05,218 --> 00:11:09,598
There are more patients coming into my office
than any other office in this building.
185
00:11:09,655 --> 00:11:12,499
NGVGI' 38W 0H6 come OUt.
186
00:11:13,993 --> 00:11:16,735
Phil, take a hike.
187
00:11:16,796 --> 00:11:20,938
Well, uh, I have to go to makeup-
I mean, to work.
188
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,379
Work. I have to, uh, work.
I work down here.
189
00:11:24,437 --> 00:11:27,418
Well, I guess I'll be going too.
Oh, Gail-
190
00:11:27,473 --> 00:11:31,285
Uh, if the White House physician
comes by with that specimen...
191
00:11:31,344 --> 00:11:35,019
uh, be sure
to buzz me, will you?
192
00:11:35,081 --> 00:11:38,426
I wanna go home.
193
00:11:38,484 --> 00:11:40,760
Well, Morty's camera's
all loaded.
194
00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:44,358
Why don't you come down to coffee shop
with me and show him how to work it?
195
00:11:44,424 --> 00:11:46,370
That's not a bad idea.
I'm starved.
196
00:11:46,426 --> 00:11:48,372
Morty ate my breakfast.
197
00:11:48,428 --> 00:11:50,408
Uh, Gail, can we
bring you anything back?
198
00:11:50,463 --> 00:11:52,409
Uh, yeah, if you see
ajelly doughnut.
199
00:11:52,465 --> 00:11:55,742
Oh, and if we, uh, see
a Secret Service man with a bottle...
200
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:57,782
we'll send him
right up here.
201
00:12:08,314 --> 00:12:10,555
What's going on?
202
00:12:10,616 --> 00:12:14,564
I used to do
divorce work.
203
00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:16,566
- HLJerFy.
- Ellen, is that you?
204
00:12:16,622 --> 00:12:19,262
Yeah. Um, listen, do you mind
if I interview you first?
205
00:12:19,325 --> 00:12:21,896
- No. No, go right ahead.
- Ah, terrific.
206
00:12:21,961 --> 00:12:24,339
Uh, Ellen Hartley,
Rimpau Medical Arts interview...
207
00:12:24,397 --> 00:12:27,105
with Dnjerry Robinson, orthodontist.
208
00:12:27,166 --> 00:12:30,443
All right, first of all, Dr. Robinson,
what is orthodontia?
209
00:12:31,904 --> 00:12:34,043
What is orthodontia?
210
00:12:35,741 --> 00:12:37,778
What is life?
211
00:12:39,612 --> 00:12:41,592
I asked you first.
212
00:12:43,649 --> 00:12:48,120
What is orthodontia?
Well, let's begin by saying...
213
00:12:48,187 --> 00:12:50,827
that it's not
just fixing kids' teeth.
214
00:12:50,890 --> 00:12:53,928
It's hard work,
it's sweat, and, yes...
215
00:12:53,993 --> 00:12:55,939
a certain amount
of spit.
216
00:12:57,196 --> 00:13:00,336
- So, life is like spit?
- Exactly.
217
00:13:02,101 --> 00:13:05,480
I wish I had a wider-angle lens.
Part of your nose is out of the frame.
218
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:09,183
Dr. Robinson,
here's your m-
219
00:13:09,242 --> 00:13:11,449
Well, what a surprise.
Ellen. You know...
220
00:13:11,511 --> 00:13:14,822
doctors do little favors like this
for each other all the time.
221
00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:17,452
It's called professional courtesy.
It's part of the Hippocr-
222
00:13:17,517 --> 00:13:19,554
uh, the Hipp- uh-
223
00:13:19,619 --> 00:13:22,862
- You know, that oath that we all swear by.
- The Hippocratic oath?
224
00:13:22,922 --> 00:13:25,402
That could be.
225
00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:27,665
Well, uh, Phil.
I'm interviewingjerry right now.
226
00:13:27,727 --> 00:13:30,674
Oh, well, I'm sorry.
I'll just get out of your way.
227
00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:33,108
I won't bother you a bit.
228
00:13:33,165 --> 00:13:37,773
Um, all righLjerry. Um, how do you
determine when a kid needs braces?
229
00:13:37,837 --> 00:13:41,512
When his parents can come up
with a couple of grand to pay for 'em.
230
00:13:41,574 --> 00:13:44,748
- Will you butt out, Phil?
- Uh, Dr. Robin-
231
00:13:44,810 --> 00:13:47,791
Gee, I'm awful sorry.
I didn't know that you had company.
232
00:13:47,847 --> 00:13:50,851
I don't. Company is
something that you invite.
233
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:54,592
Well, uh,jerry, remember that time
you asked me about the history of urology?
234
00:13:54,654 --> 00:13:56,964
- No.
- Well, I've done some research.
235
00:13:57,023 --> 00:14:00,561
Napoleon had a urologist following him
through every campaign.
236
00:14:00,626 --> 00:14:03,197
Following?You mean leading.
237
00:14:03,262 --> 00:14:06,539
A-And did you know
that nonspecific “uritis“...
238
00:14:06,599 --> 00:14:09,705
claimed the lives
of15 Egyptian pharaohs?
239
00:14:09,769 --> 00:14:12,113
I heard it was 14.
240
00:14:12,171 --> 00:14:15,084
Tupperman, I didn't askyou
about any of this stuff.
241
00:14:15,141 --> 00:14:17,143
Well, m-maybe there's
somebody in the room...
242
00:14:17,209 --> 00:14:20,349
from the news media
who might be interested.
243
00:14:20,413 --> 00:14:22,757
Oh, I am, Dr. Tupperman.
But not right now.
244
00:14:22,815 --> 00:14:26,820
Uh, you know, the phones are all
ringing off their hooks out there...
245
00:14:26,886 --> 00:14:30,060
but they're only patients,
sol suppose it doesn't really matter.
246
00:14:30,122 --> 00:14:33,365
What's the matter with you guys?
This is a working day.
247
00:14:33,426 --> 00:14:36,373
Jerry, that girl is back. She said
you were supposed to interview her at I 0:00.
248
00:14:36,429 --> 00:14:40,138
- That's tonight.
- She's early.
249
00:14:40,199 --> 00:14:43,772
Hi! Nice to see you again.
Step into my, uh, office.
250
00:14:43,836 --> 00:14:46,578
Well, Ellen, it looks like we're gonna
have a chance to talk.
251
00:14:46,639 --> 00:14:48,812
What is it
you'd like to know?
252
00:14:48,874 --> 00:14:50,876
Excuse me.
I have to file some X-rays.
253
00:14:50,943 --> 00:14:55,153
- Thank you.
- I am not only after one thing.
254
00:14:55,214 --> 00:14:59,594
Have you seen my Phi Beta Kappa key?
I seem to have misplaced it.
255
00:15:00,886 --> 00:15:02,763
No, I didn't
spikeyour drink.
256
00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:09,640
Is this
Jerry Robinson's office?
257
00:15:09,695 --> 00:15:14,007
- Over here.
- Uh,jerry, there's a guy here to fix your spit sink.
258
00:15:14,066 --> 00:15:15,909
Will you show him
where it is, please?
259
00:15:15,968 --> 00:15:18,778
I don't thinkyou can
get there from here.
260
00:15:18,838 --> 00:15:20,840
[Muttering]
261
00:15:26,145 --> 00:15:28,216
Is this Candid Camera?
262
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:32,087
Are you Allen Funt?
263
00:15:32,151 --> 00:15:35,394
Okay, let's have
a nice, big group smile.
264
00:15:35,454 --> 00:15:37,434
Hi, everybody.
265
00:15:38,491 --> 00:15:40,437
Ellen, I'm glad
I found you.
266
00:15:40,493 --> 00:15:43,372
You left your comb in the apartment.
I thought you might need it.
267
00:15:43,429 --> 00:15:45,466
- [ Gasps]
- Oh! My hand's stuck!
268
00:15:45,531 --> 00:15:48,102
[Clamoring]
269
00:15:48,167 --> 00:15:51,637
I wanna thank all of you for your cooperation.
Come on, Morty.
270
00:15:51,704 --> 00:15:54,913
Let's get something to eat,
I'm starved.
271
00:15:54,974 --> 00:15:57,648
Hold on, Ellen. There's something
you should know about warts.
272
00:15:57,710 --> 00:16:00,714
Uh, it was 15 Egyptian pharaohs.
I can prove it.
273
00:16:00,780 --> 00:16:02,760
[Harris] I can't find my Nobel
Peace Prize either.
274
00:16:02,815 --> 00:16:04,988
That's, uh, very nice
of you to bring the comb.
275
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:07,053
- Well, I thought it might be important.
- Yeah.
276
00:16:07,119 --> 00:16:09,998
If I were Carol,
I'd go on vacation every week.
277
00:16:13,959 --> 00:16:15,905
What are you,
like a dentist?
278
00:16:17,463 --> 00:16:20,342
- Orthodontist.
- What's that?
279
00:16:20,399 --> 00:16:22,436
Orthodontia?
280
00:16:22,501 --> 00:16:25,175
Well, it's a lot
like life-
281
00:16:25,237 --> 00:16:27,649
hard work, sweat
and, yes...
282
00:16:27,707 --> 00:16:30,017
a certain amount
of spit.
283
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,078
I can see that.
284
00:16:40,486 --> 00:16:42,898
You understand
it's just a first draft.
285
00:16:42,955 --> 00:16:45,492
I'm-I'm sure
it's fine.
286
00:16:45,558 --> 00:16:48,698
I mean, they'll be a lot of changes
in it before it appears in print.
287
00:16:48,761 --> 00:16:51,173
I can't read it with you
looking over my shoulder.
288
00:16:51,230 --> 00:16:55,201
Well, I- I just wanted
to know what you think.
289
00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:57,941
So far, it seems okay
to me, except, uh...
290
00:16:58,003 --> 00:17:00,313
“Hartley“ is spelled L-E-Y.
291
00:17:01,507 --> 00:17:03,487
- How'd I spell it?
- L-Y.
292
00:17:03,542 --> 00:17:06,819
-I did not!
- You misspelled it every time.
293
00:17:06,879 --> 00:17:10,588
Uh, well, it's my name too.
I can spell it whatever way I want to.
294
00:17:10,649 --> 00:17:13,425
- How come I'm not mentioned?
- You are.
295
00:17:13,486 --> 00:17:16,092
- Where- Where is it?
- Um, right there.
296
00:17:16,155 --> 00:17:18,135
- Where?
- Oh, yeah.
297
00:17:18,190 --> 00:17:20,136
Uh, “Dr. Hartley is married.“
298
00:17:22,194 --> 00:17:24,538
Well, I am married.
299
00:17:24,597 --> 00:17:27,601
L, uh-l had Gail run off some copies
for the other doctors.
300
00:17:27,666 --> 00:17:30,579
- You, uh, will let me know what they think?
- Yeah.
301
00:17:30,636 --> 00:17:33,549
- Let's go. I'm starving.
- You sound like Morty.
302
00:17:33,606 --> 00:17:37,053
- See ya later, Bob.
- See, uh, it's right there on the door.
303
00:17:37,109 --> 00:17:39,055
L- E-Y.
304
00:17:41,046 --> 00:17:44,186
Ellen, I just finished the article,
and I think it is brilliant.
305
00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:47,197
- It's... really honest.
- Gee, thanks, Gail.
306
00:17:47,253 --> 00:17:49,790
Um, would you guys mind
if I joined you for lunch?
307
00:17:49,855 --> 00:17:51,835
- Sure. Come on.
- Thank you.
308
00:17:51,891 --> 00:17:56,306
I, uh, don't think I wanna be here
when the doctors read the article.
309
00:18:31,897 --> 00:18:35,435
Can I, uh, buy anybody
a sarsaparilla?
310
00:18:39,171 --> 00:18:41,378
We read the article, Bob.
311
00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:46,549
Oh. Oh, great. The, uh, copies
came out clear, huh?
312
00:18:46,612 --> 00:18:49,957
- Very clear.
- Great. Great.
313
00:18:50,015 --> 00:18:53,087
'Cause, you know, sometimes
they come out a little- a little blurry.
314
00:18:54,153 --> 00:18:56,190
I mean, u-usually they don't.
315
00:18:57,489 --> 00:18:59,469
L-You know,
I guess this time-
316
00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:03,836
is one of the times that
they came out clear.
317
00:19:05,931 --> 00:19:09,208
It's a- It's a real good
copying machine.
318
00:19:11,871 --> 00:19:13,817
We were-
319
00:19:13,873 --> 00:19:16,114
We were real smart
to invest in it.
320
00:19:19,111 --> 00:19:21,057
Y-You guys
mad or something?
321
00:19:21,113 --> 00:19:25,027
Mad? Why should we be mad?just because
your sister made us look like a bunch of quacks?
322
00:19:25,084 --> 00:19:28,122
She called me
“a Hippocratic oaf.“
323
00:19:29,622 --> 00:19:32,364
She called me
“portly and diminutive.“
324
00:19:32,424 --> 00:19:35,337
Where did she come off
telling my age?
325
00:19:35,394 --> 00:19:38,500
Said I spent the whole day trying to
straighten out my love life.
326
00:19:38,564 --> 00:19:40,566
It's not
straightened out.
327
00:19:43,202 --> 00:19:45,614
- Nobody came off well.
- Yeah, well, you did, Bob.
328
00:19:45,671 --> 00:19:47,582
Sure, why not?
He's her brother.
329
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,517
She, uh-
She misspelled my name.
330
00:19:49,575 --> 00:19:51,953
I don't want my mother
to see this article.
331
00:19:52,011 --> 00:19:53,957
But I want my lawyer
to see it.
332
00:19:54,013 --> 00:19:56,357
This thing better be
changed before it goes to press, Bob.
333
00:19:56,415 --> 00:20:00,727
Change it, or you'll rue the clay
you rented space in this building.
334
00:20:00,786 --> 00:20:02,993
Look, uh, Ellen wrote that
the way she saw it.
335
00:20:03,055 --> 00:20:05,331
And, uh, I'm not gonna
ask her to change it.
336
00:20:05,391 --> 00:20:07,735
And I'd be disappointed
in herifshe did.
337
00:20:11,730 --> 00:20:16,145
You know what I think, Bob? I don't think
you're man enough to stand up to her.
338
00:20:16,201 --> 00:20:18,704
I think
you're yellow.
339
00:20:20,839 --> 00:20:22,785
You bushwhacked us, Bob.
340
00:20:22,841 --> 00:20:26,550
You've got till sundown
to have this article changed.
341
00:20:36,622 --> 00:20:38,568
Bernie!
342
00:20:38,624 --> 00:20:41,400
They went thataway.
343
00:20:50,869 --> 00:20:54,476
It seems like Howard's been at
that all-night newsstand all night.
344
00:20:54,540 --> 00:20:58,317
Oh, he's so cute.
He's like an expectant father.
345
00:20:58,377 --> 00:21:00,823
[Sighs] I just wish
he'd get here.
346
00:21:00,879 --> 00:21:03,826
Ellen, take it easy. You wrote
the article. You know what's in it.
347
00:21:03,882 --> 00:21:07,386
Oh, I know, Bob. But- You know,
it's different when you see it in print...
348
00:21:07,453 --> 00:21:09,865
with all
the spelling corrected.
349
00:21:09,922 --> 00:21:12,198
You know, actually
there is-
350
00:21:12,257 --> 00:21:15,431
There is something I meant to
talk to you about now that you've...
351
00:21:15,494 --> 00:21:17,474
you know,
put the article to sleep.
352
00:21:17,529 --> 00:21:19,531
- “To bed,“ Bob.
- Right.
353
00:21:20,766 --> 00:21:23,246
Uh, everybody at
the office wasn't...
354
00:21:23,302 --> 00:21:26,306
altogether enthusiastic about it.
355
00:21:26,372 --> 00:21:28,613
They, uh- They wanted
to change some things...
356
00:21:28,674 --> 00:21:30,676
like my face.
357
00:21:30,743 --> 00:21:32,814
Yeah, I, um-
358
00:21:32,878 --> 00:21:35,381
I reread it and made
some changes on my own.
359
00:21:35,447 --> 00:21:37,688
Oh, I'm really glad you did,
because, you know...
360
00:21:37,750 --> 00:21:39,889
there were some things
that even bothered me.
361
00:21:39,952 --> 00:21:43,490
You know, like this part where
you call Phil Newman...
362
00:21:43,555 --> 00:21:45,660
“the sultan of silicone.“
363
00:21:47,526 --> 00:21:49,972
I didn't change that.
364
00:21:50,029 --> 00:21:52,134
Wh-What about-
What about Dr. Harris?
365
00:21:52,197 --> 00:21:55,007
Oh, yeah, I felt that I treated her
with kid gloves.
366
00:21:55,067 --> 00:21:58,276
So, um, I added that she was
pretentious and seemed to be...
367
00:21:58,337 --> 00:22:01,079
more concerned with herself
than with the practice of medicine.
368
00:22:02,808 --> 00:22:05,254
Oh, she'll- She'll like that
much better.
369
00:22:07,479 --> 00:22:09,618
Did you change any
of the stuff about Bob?
370
00:22:09,681 --> 00:22:13,993
Yeah. I added that, um, “Dr. Hartley's
therapeutic technique...
371
00:22:14,053 --> 00:22:16,431
was effective
but unspectacular.“
372
00:22:16,488 --> 00:22:19,162
And I took out the crack
about the ugly tie.
373
00:22:19,224 --> 00:22:21,170
Told you
it was ugly.
374
00:22:21,226 --> 00:22:22,899
You gave me that tie.
375
00:22:22,961 --> 00:22:24,998
I gave it to you
as a joke.
376
00:22:27,232 --> 00:22:30,270
- [Knocking]
- Uh, come in, Howard. It's open.
377
00:22:30,335 --> 00:22:32,975
Oh, no, Bob, I'm not gonna fall
for that again.
378
00:22:35,407 --> 00:22:38,581
Come on. Let him in.
Let him in.
379
00:22:38,644 --> 00:22:41,955
- Oh, that smarts!
- What happened this time?
380
00:22:42,014 --> 00:22:45,393
Uh, I got hit by the newspaper
when they threw 'em off the truck.
381
00:22:45,451 --> 00:22:47,397
_ Oh_
- Are you okay?
382
00:22:47,453 --> 00:22:49,433
Yeah. Yeah,
I'm okay.
383
00:22:49,488 --> 00:22:52,196
They say when you get old,
you don't need your shins.
384
00:22:53,425 --> 00:22:55,462
Don't worry about me.
just read the article.
385
00:22:55,527 --> 00:22:58,906
- Well, I can'tfind it.
- Here it is. It's in the “Good Neighbor“ column.
386
00:22:58,964 --> 00:23:03,003
Oh, yeah. Right next
to the, uh, shipping arrivals.
387
00:23:03,068 --> 00:23:05,605
There we all are
injerrys office.
388
00:23:05,671 --> 00:23:08,379
That's not my article.
it's just a picture.
389
00:23:09,708 --> 00:23:12,120
“Today's Good Neighbors.“
390
00:23:12,177 --> 00:23:17,126
“Doctors pitch in to help
plumber Roland Snead, 44...
391
00:23:18,750 --> 00:23:20,752
“repair a spit sink...
392
00:23:22,521 --> 00:23:26,025
“in the true spirit
of the Windy City.
393
00:23:26,091 --> 00:23:28,901
Snead is left-handed
and a widower.“
394
00:23:30,529 --> 00:23:32,304
I broke my shins
for that?
395
00:23:32,364 --> 00:23:34,344
I guess the editor
didn't like it.
396
00:23:34,399 --> 00:23:36,675
Or maybe there was
a fast-breaking news story.
397
00:23:36,735 --> 00:23:39,147
Yeah, yeah. That's it.
H-Here it is.
398
00:23:39,204 --> 00:23:43,448
“Chicago may get
azalea festival.“
399
00:23:43,509 --> 00:23:47,423
Hey, that sounds exciting!
Boy, maybe my shins will be better by then.
400
00:23:47,479 --> 00:23:49,425
They will be, Howard.
401
00:23:49,481 --> 00:23:51,893
They say your shins
are the first to go.
402
00:23:51,950 --> 00:23:54,089
Not in your case, Howard.
403
00:23:58,624 --> 00:24:03,573
In conclusion, since I regard
psychology as a serious...
404
00:24:03,629 --> 00:24:05,836
albeit unspectacular profession...
405
00:24:05,898 --> 00:24:08,606
I cannot accept
the invitation to attend...
406
00:24:08,667 --> 00:24:11,614
your Psychology Day
picnic and carnival...
407
00:24:11,670 --> 00:24:14,674
nor will I participate
as a contestant...
408
00:24:14,740 --> 00:24:16,811
in the primal scream-off.
409
00:24:19,111 --> 00:24:21,216
[Knocking]
410
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,385
Come in.
411
00:24:23,448 --> 00:24:25,587
- Hi, Bob.
- Oh, hi, Morty.
412
00:24:25,651 --> 00:24:27,961
Here are those
pictures you ordered.
413
00:24:28,020 --> 00:24:30,261
- You didn't have to bring them yourself.
- It's my pleasure.
414
00:24:30,322 --> 00:24:33,166
I was in the neighborhood.
I'm on my way to a fire.
415
00:24:34,226 --> 00:24:36,467
Well, I-
I appreciate it.
416
00:24:36,528 --> 00:24:38,735
That's all right.
I do have a problem though.
417
00:24:38,797 --> 00:24:42,643
L-I won't be able
to take pictures of the fire unless-
418
00:24:49,841 --> 00:24:52,378
Yeah, I'll- I'll load it
for you, Morty.
419
00:24:52,444 --> 00:24:55,789
Thanks, Bob.
You get it loaded, and, uh...
420
00:24:55,847 --> 00:24:57,952
I'll be
in the coffee shop.
421
00:25:31,183 --> 00:25:32,491
[ Mews]
35301
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