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1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:05,103
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:59,792 --> 00:01:02,527
- HI. I'M LARRY, THIS
IS MY BROTHER DARRYL,
3
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,162
AND THIS IS MY OTHER BROTHER,
DARRYL.
4
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:09,101
- HI. HI, GUYS.
WHAT'S-- WHAT'S UP?
5
00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:10,835
- WE'RE RETURNING YOUR CHAINSAW.
6
00:01:10,870 --> 00:01:11,936
- OH, THANKS.
7
00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:16,207
WHERE-- WHERE IS IT?
8
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,310
- OH, DEAR. WE MUST'VE LEFT IT
AT THE CAFE.
9
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:19,344
DARRYL?
10
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:22,447
AND DON'T BE PLAYIN'
"LET'S SEE IF IT'LL CUT THIS"
11
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,015
ON THE WAY BACK.
12
00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:30,989
I GOT A CONFESSION TO MAKE.
13
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,223
I JUST WANTED
TO GET RID OF DARRYL
14
00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:33,424
SO WE COULD BE ALONE.
15
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:39,764
- UH, WHY?
16
00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:41,600
- I'M GOIN' BACK TO SCHOOL.
17
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:42,767
- OH.
18
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:45,703
- I'M PROBABLY NOT
AS EDUCATED AS YOU THINK I AM.
19
00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:50,475
TRUTH IS, I QUIT HIGH SCHOOL
PREMATURELY ...
20
00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:51,709
BEFORE I EVER GOT IN.
21
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,980
I WAS AFRAID I WASN'T
HIGH SCHOOL MATERIAL.
22
00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,616
- WHAT--
WHAT CHANGED YOUR MIND?
23
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,683
- EARL.
24
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:00,618
- WHO'S-- WHO'S EARL?
25
00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:02,687
- A CONTESTANT ON JEOPARDY.
26
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,823
HE LOST BIG.
HE CHANGED MY LIFE.
27
00:02:05,858 --> 00:02:07,058
- HOW?
28
00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:09,628
- WELL, I WOULD'VE
CREAMED HIM BY THREE POINTS.
29
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:10,795
THAT INSPIRED ME TO SIGN UP
30
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:13,632
FOR THIS HIGH SCHOOL
EQUIVALENCY REFRESHER COURSE.
31
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,233
THE TEST IS IN TWO WEEKS.
32
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:20,037
- WELL, A MIND
IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE.
33
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,674
WHAT--
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
34
00:02:23,709 --> 00:02:25,143
- COVER FOR ME
WITH MY BROTHERS.
35
00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:26,745
I DON'T WANT 'EM TO KNOW
I'M IN SCHOOL.
36
00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:29,548
- WELL, I'D THINK
THEY'D BE PROUD OF YOU.
37
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,649
- YOU'D BE WRONG.
38
00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:34,418
THEY KIND OF FROWN
ON HIGHER EDUCATION,
39
00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:35,887
LIKE WHEN I DREW
TIPPY THE TURTLE
40
00:02:35,922 --> 00:02:38,256
TO TRY TO GET INTO
THAT SEND-AWAY ART SCHOOL,
41
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,658
THEY CALLED ME "UPPITY."
42
00:02:42,528 --> 00:02:44,028
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN
ON THE BUSINESS END
43
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,764
OF THEIR BITING SARCASM.
44
00:02:46,799 --> 00:02:49,367
WELL, HEH,
MAYBE A COUPLE OF TIMES.
45
00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:52,771
- WELL, IF--
IF THE DARRYLS COME AROUND,
46
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:56,575
I'LL TELL THEM YOU'RE WORKING
ON A PROJECT FOR ME.
47
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,511
- OOOH, YOU'RE SLICK!
48
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:00,578
BUT WATCH OUT.
49
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,414
DARRYL CAN PRY THE TRUTH
OUT OF A STONE.
50
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,418
DID YOU GET THE CHAINSAW?
51
00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:08,185
DID YOU LOOK EVERYWHERE?
52
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:12,022
WELL, WHERE IN TARNATION...
53
00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:13,925
WELL, I'LL BE!
54
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,927
I HAD IT HERE ALL ALONG.
55
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:22,767
WHAT'D I TELL YOU?
56
00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:24,602
ALREADY THE ZINGERS ARE FLYIN'.
57
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,242
( music playing )
58
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:33,311
- DICK, HAVE YOU SEEN
THE NEW VERMONT TOUR GUIDE?
59
00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:35,780
THEY TOOK AWAY
ONE OF OUR MAPLE LEAVES.
60
00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:37,114
- NO KIDDING.
61
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,117
- LAST YEAR WE WERE
A THREE-MAPLE-LEAF INN.
62
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,451
THIS YEAR WE'VE ONLY GOT TWO.
63
00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:42,553
IT'S NOT FAIR.
64
00:03:42,588 --> 00:03:45,056
WE'VE BEEN DEFOLIATED.
65
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:49,127
WE CAN'T TAKE THIS LYING DOWN.
66
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,294
- WE CAN GO ALL OVER THE COUNTRY
67
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,597
BREAKING INTO PEOPLE'S HOMES
68
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,899
AND DRAWING MAPLE LEAVES
IN THEIR BOOKS.
69
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:00,905
WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS,
70
00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:03,675
THERE'S NOT MUCH
WE CAN DO ABOUT IT.
71
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:04,942
- FINE, DICK.
72
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,410
WELL, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE TO GO
73
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:09,914
TO OUR TWO-MAPLE-LEAF KITCHEN
AND WHIP UP A CROCK OF SWILL.
74
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,095
- HI. HI GUYS.
75
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:29,100
YOU'RE-- YOU'RE PROBABLY--
PROBABLY LOOKING FOR LARRY.
76
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:34,038
UH, AS HE MAY HAVE
MENTIONED TO YOU, HE'S--
77
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,274
HE'S WORKING ON
A PROJECT FOR ME.
78
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:42,313
WELL HE IS.
79
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:46,985
IT'S-- IT'S--
IT'S FOR A BOOK.
80
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,120
AS YOU KNOW, I'M A WRITER.
81
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,526
WELL, I AM.
82
00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:59,830
I'M DOING A BOOK
ON UFOS IN NEW ENGLAND
83
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:07,205
AND I HIRED LARRY
TO PHOTOGRAPH THE UFOS.
84
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:16,147
THEY--
THEY COME OUT AT NIGHT...
85
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,252
MONDAYS, WEDNESDAYS,
AND FRIDAYS...
86
00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:27,291
BETWEEN EIGHT AND TEN.
87
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:34,265
YOU'RE PROBABLY-- PROBABLY
WONDERING WHY
88
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:37,401
I DIDN'T ASK YOU TWO
TO HELP OUT.
89
00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:44,842
THAT'S-- THAT'S BECAUSE UF--
UFOS ARE--
90
00:05:44,877 --> 00:05:46,744
ARE TERRIFIED OF TRIOS.
91
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:54,519
( door closes )
92
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,623
( music playing )
93
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:00,758
- HONEY,
I KEPT THINKING ALL NIGHT
94
00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:02,560
ABOUT THE WAY
THE VERMONT TOUR GUIDE
95
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:05,062
ROBBED US OF A MAPLE LEAF,
AND I'VE WRITTEN A LETTER.
96
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,234
- "DEAR SIRS, WITH ALL RESPECT,
97
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:13,304
WE BELIEVE YOUR REVIEW
OF OUR INN IS UNFAIR.
98
00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:15,539
NEXT TIME YOU HIRE A CRITIC,
99
00:06:15,574 --> 00:06:18,375
CHECK FIRST TO SEE
IF HE'S BRAIN-DEAD."
100
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,879
- WHAT DO YOU THINK?
101
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:25,483
- YOU HAVEN'T
MAILED THIS YET, HAVE YOU?
102
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:26,484
- NO.
103
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:28,986
- GOOD, 'CAUSE
I HAVE A FEW NOTES.
104
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:33,424
- I DICTATED IT
OVER THE PHONE AS A MAILGRAM.
105
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:36,094
- THEN I WOULDN'T CHANGE A WORD.
106
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,666
- IS THAT A CHIP IN THAT CUP?
107
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:42,667
- YEAH.
108
00:06:42,702 --> 00:06:44,435
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "YEAH"?
109
00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:48,473
WE CAN'T HAVE A DINING ROOM
FULL OF DAMAGED CROCKERY.
110
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:49,440
IS THAT A CRACK?
111
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:52,109
- NO, NO! IT'S FINE.
112
00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:56,781
- MISS,
THIS CANTALOUPE ISN'T RIPE.
113
00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:58,316
- I'M A WAITRESS,
NOT A BARTENDER.
114
00:06:58,385 --> 00:06:59,350
DON'T TELL ME YOUR PROBLEMS.
115
00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:00,384
( clattering )
116
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:03,954
- CAN YOU BELIEVE THE WAY
117
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,990
STEPHANIE
JUST TREATED THAT GUEST?
118
00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:08,425
- WELL, IT DIDN'T
COME AS A COMPLETE SURPRISE.
119
00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:12,363
- EXCUSE ME,
I HATE TO INTERRUPT,
120
00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:13,531
BUT ONLY TWO POSITIONS
121
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:16,066
OF OUR THREE-WAY LIGHT BULB
ARE WORKING.
122
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,840
- MY GOD, THIS PLACE
IS A FLOPHOUSE!
123
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,677
- MORNING, EVERYBODY.
124
00:07:32,184 --> 00:07:34,919
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY TODAY.
125
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,654
- GEORGE,
I WANT YOU TO REPLACE
126
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,590
THE THREE-WAY LIGHT BULB
IN ROOM SEVEN,
127
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,157
RE-TACK THE CARPETING
ON THE STAIRS,
128
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:44,229
AND FLUSH OUT ALL THE RADIATORS
SO THEY DON'T KNOCK.
129
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,831
- BOY,
A DAY CAN SURE TURN ON YOU FAST.
130
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,138
- AND, STEPHANIE,
AFTER BREAKFAST,
131
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,807
I'LL HAVE A LIST OF CHORES
FOR YOU
132
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:58,910
FOLLOWED BY A DISCUSSION OF
YOUR BEING RUDE TO THE GUESTS.
133
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:00,378
- HE STARTED IT!
134
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:06,350
- I'M GONNA GIVE
THIS WHOLE INN THE ONCE-OVER.
135
00:08:06,385 --> 00:08:08,419
OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
136
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,027
- HI. HI GUYS.
137
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:17,862
WHAT'S-- WHAT'S UP?
138
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:21,265
"UFOS AND YOU."
139
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:24,035
WELL, WHAT ABOUT IT?
140
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:31,542
"UFOS HAVE BEEN SPOTTED
BY AS FEW AS ONE
141
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:34,845
AND AS MANY AS
TEN THOUSAND PERSONS."
142
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:38,283
AH, AND-- AND I SAID
THEY WERE AFRAID OF TRIOS.
143
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:40,551
WELL, THEY-- THEY ARE.
144
00:08:40,586 --> 00:08:43,721
IT'S ONLY THAT MAGIC NUMBER
THREE THAT SPOOKS 'EM.
145
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,627
"THIS FAMILY OF THREE
146
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:56,167
WAS TAKEN FOR A RIDE ON A UFO."
147
00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:58,803
WELL, YOU CAN'T COUNT THE BABY.
148
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,438
IT HAS-- HAS TO BE THREE ADULTS.
149
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,845
"THREE ANGRY STEELWORKERS..."
150
00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:13,351
WELL, NOW STEELWORKERS...
151
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,853
OKAY, HE'S GOING
TO NIGHT SCHOOL. OKAY?
152
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,464
- PSST!
153
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:29,366
WERE THEY TRYIN' TO DETERMINE
MY NOCTURNAL WHEREABOUTS?
154
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,136
- YEAH.
155
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:34,105
- WELL, I REALLY WANNA
THANK YOU MORE THAN EVER
156
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,639
FOR KEEPIN' MY SECRET
157
00:09:35,674 --> 00:09:37,007
'CAUSE IF THEY KNEW
WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT,
158
00:09:37,042 --> 00:09:39,644
THEY'D BE ON ME
LIKE DROOL ON A BABY.
159
00:09:43,048 --> 00:09:44,815
- WHAT--
WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?
160
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,383
- I QUIT SCHOOL.
161
00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:54,458
- "UFOS ARE AFRAID OF TRIOS"?
162
00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:57,028
IS THAT THE BEST
YOU COULD COME UP WITH?
163
00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,997
- YEAH.
164
00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:01,999
- WELL, DON'T FEEL TOO BAD.
165
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:04,202
THOSE TWO COULD GET
RAMBO TO BABBLE.
166
00:10:06,305 --> 00:10:07,639
- LOOK, LARRY,
WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?
167
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:09,106
WHY-- WHY'D YOU QUIT SCHOOL?
168
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:11,909
- WELL, IT STARTED OFF
GOOD ENOUGH.
169
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,945
I WAS SURPRISED
AND DELIGHTED
170
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,614
TO FIND A PIECE OF
COMPLIMENTARY GUM UNDER MY SEAT.
171
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:26,057
NEXT THING I KNOW,
EVERYBODY'S LAUGHIN' AT ME,
172
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:27,458
SO I HIGHTAILED IT.
173
00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:30,628
I CAN GET THAT KIND OF
TREATMENT FROM DARRYL.
174
00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:32,363
- THAT'S NO REASON TO QUIT.
175
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:35,833
- ON TOP OF THAT,
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE LESSON.
176
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:37,501
IT'S CLEAR TO ME
MY BRAIN DON'T TAKE UP
177
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,636
THE FULL SPACE
MY HEAD HAS ALLOTTED.
178
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,640
- LARRY,
179
00:10:44,009 --> 00:10:45,843
SUPPOSE I TUTOR YOU?
180
00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:48,612
- NO WAY. NOT IF THAT MEANS
WHAT I THINK IT DOES.
181
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:51,682
- IT MEANS
I'LL HELP YOU STUDY
182
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:53,718
AND GET THAT HIGH SCHOOL
DIPLOMA.
183
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:55,753
- OH. OKAY.
184
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,794
- STEPHANIE?
185
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:06,597
- JOANNA,
PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME WAX,
186
00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:08,899
DUST, OR POLISH
ANYTHING ELSE.
187
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,334
I DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS POSSIBLE
188
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:14,171
BUT I'M ALMOST TIRED OF GAZING
AT MY OWN REFLECTION.
189
00:11:15,107 --> 00:11:18,309
- I'M SORRY BUT THE PORCH
LANTERNS ARE TARNISHED.
190
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,409
- THEY'RE ANTIQUES!
191
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:21,546
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO LOOK YUCKY.
192
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,316
OH, ALL RIGHT.
193
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:28,086
STUPID, STUPID MAPLE LEAF.
194
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,591
- THE EARTH IS MADE UP
OF SEVEN CONTINENTS,
195
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:37,227
EUROPE, ANTARCTICA,ASIA, AFRICA, AUSTRALIA,
196
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:39,029
NORTH AMERICA,
AND SOUTH AMERICA.
197
00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:42,233
- HOW'LL I GONNA CRAM ALL THIS
INTO ONE TEMPORAL LOBE.
198
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,268
- THAT'S WHY
YOU'RE LUCKY I'M HERE.
199
00:11:45,304 --> 00:11:48,005
WHEN I WAS A KID,
I CAME UP WITH A LITTLE TRICK.
200
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:56,513
"EAT AN ASPIRIN
AFTER A NIGHT-TIME SNACK."
201
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:00,384
I CAN EXPLAIN.
202
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,155
- DICK, IS THIS A GOOD TIME
203
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:08,059
TO SAND, STAIN, VARNISH,
AND WAX THE FLOOR?
204
00:12:10,429 --> 00:12:11,462
- NO, GEORGE.
205
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:14,998
- WELL, I GUESS I'LL GO
WALLPAPER THE BATHROOM THEN.
206
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:18,302
STUPID, STUPID MAPLE LEAF.
207
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:23,908
- LARRY,
IT'S THE INITIALS.
208
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:27,010
EACH LETTER STANDS FOR A
CONTINENT, EUROPE,
209
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,880
ANTARCTICA,
210
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,248
ASIA,
211
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:32,983
AFRICA,
212
00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:33,984
AUSTRALIA,
213
00:12:34,019 --> 00:12:35,486
NORTH AMERICA,
214
00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:36,821
SOUTH AMERICA.
215
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,790
- DO YOU SUPPOSE MISS
JOANNA'D BE FREE TO TUTOR ME?
216
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,762
- LARRY,
GIVE IT A CHANCE.
217
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,397
- DARRYL,
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
218
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,066
MY LUNCH.
219
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,234
THANKS.
220
00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:56,040
MMM, SMELLS...
221
00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:57,141
ALL RIGHT, GET OUT.
222
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,509
YOU HAD YOUR FUN.
223
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,246
- WHAT IS IT?
224
00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:06,184
- TURTLE SOUP,
AN OBVIOUS REFERENCE
225
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,319
TO THE TIPPY INCIDENT.
226
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:16,594
( music playing )
227
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:17,828
- OH, DICK COULD YOU HELP ME
228
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:20,364
LOOK AT THESE FABRIC SWATCHES
FOR THE JAMES MADISON ROOM?
229
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,365
- HONEY, CAN IT WAIT?
230
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,101
LARRY'S AT SCHOOL
TAKING HIS TEST
231
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:27,204
AND I FEEL
LIKE AN EXPECTANT FATHER.
232
00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:30,308
I JUST HOPE HE DOESN'T COME BACK
WITH A BOUNCING BABY "F."
233
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:33,143
- IS THAT ALL
YOU CAN THINK ABOUT?
234
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:35,179
GRADES, GRADES, GRADES?
235
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:37,514
WE'VE GOT MAPLE LEAVES
TO WORRY ABOUT.
236
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,354
- LARRY,
HOW'D YOU DO?
237
00:13:44,389 --> 00:13:47,891
- WELL, TEACHER DID SAY
HE WAS GRADIN' ON A CURVE,
238
00:13:47,926 --> 00:13:50,828
BUT SINCE I ANSWERED
ZERO OUT OF A HUNDRED,
239
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:53,297
I EXPECT TO WIND UP
CLOSE TO THE BOTTOM.
240
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,233
DANG.
241
00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:58,602
AT LEAST ON JEOPARDY
I WOULD'VE COME HOME
242
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:00,805
WITH SOME LOVELY PARTING GIFTS.
243
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:05,743
- YOU FAILED?
244
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:08,512
BUT YOU KNEW THE MATERIAL
WHEN WE TALKED IT THROUGH.
245
00:14:08,547 --> 00:14:09,813
- YEAH, DOIN' IT THAT WAY
246
00:14:09,848 --> 00:14:13,250
SEEMED TO COME AS NATURAL
AS STUFF BETWEEN YOUR TOES,
247
00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:16,954
BUT WHEN I TRIED TO WRITE,
248
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:19,557
NONE OF THAT KNOWLEDGE
MADE IT TO MY PENCIL.
249
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:21,959
- COME ON.
I WANNA TALK TO YOUR TEACHER.
250
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:25,062
- ALL RIGHT, BUT DON'T
DO ANYTHING TO UPSET HIM.
251
00:14:25,097 --> 00:14:27,398
I DON'T WANT ANYTHING
TO HURT MY GRADE.
252
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,169
( music playing )
253
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,141
- LARRY, YOU-- YOU WAIT HERE.
254
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,882
- HI, I'M-- I'M DICK LAUDEN.
255
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:46,884
- PAUL STUBIN.
256
00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,085
- I'D LIKE
TO TALK TO YOU
257
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,021
ABOUT LARRY'S TEST.
258
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,989
I'M HIS TUTOR.
259
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:53,557
- OH, REALLY?
260
00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:55,393
OH, YOU DID A GOOD JOB.
261
00:14:57,863 --> 00:14:58,996
- I-- I WONDER
IF YOU'D CONSIDER
262
00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:00,898
GIVING HIM ANOTHER CHANCE.
263
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,132
HE KNOWS THE MATERIAL.
264
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,935
WE WENT OVER IT
RATHER CONVERSATIONALLY
265
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:08,506
AND THAT COMES AS NATURAL TO HIM
AS STUFF BETWEEN YOUR...
266
00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:15,012
IT COME--
IT COMES REAL NATURAL TO HIM.
267
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:17,047
- I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T TEST HIM TWICE.
268
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:18,048
WE HAVE RULES.
269
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,050
- WELL, SOMETIMES
YOU HAVE TO BEND THE RULES
270
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,018
FOR SPECIAL STUDENTS.
271
00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:23,587
TAKE EINSTEIN.
272
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:24,989
( snickers )
- JUST A MOMENT.
273
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:28,626
ARE YOU COMPARING
LARRY WITH EINSTEIN?
274
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:36,367
- WELL, I--
I WOULDN'T WANT LARRY
275
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:39,437
WORKING WITH
SUBATOMIC PARTICLES.
276
00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:45,008
I MEAN, EINSTEIN DIDN'T FIT
INTO THE EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM
277
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:46,677
AND NEITHER DOES LARRY.
278
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,345
- YOU CLAIM
HE KNOWS THE MATERIAL?
279
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,147
- HEY, I'M HIS TUTOR.
280
00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:54,084
- ALL RIGHT.
I'LL RETEST HIM.
281
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:58,222
- UM, ORALLY?
282
00:15:58,257 --> 00:15:59,724
- ALRIGHT. ORALLY.
283
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:04,428
- ONE MORE THING.
284
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:09,700
UH, COULD YOU
MAKE IT SOUND LIKE JEOPARDY?
285
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:15,239
- JEOPARDY?
286
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:16,306
- THE-- THE GAME SHOW.
287
00:16:16,341 --> 00:16:17,407
THAT'S THE ONE WHERE
THEY GIVE YOU THE ANSWER
288
00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:21,645
AND THEN YOU HAVE TO GIVE THEM
THE-- THE QUESTION.
289
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:22,846
- OH, WHAT THE HECK?
290
00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:25,382
IT'LL BE A GREAT STORY
FOR THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE.
291
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:28,419
- LARRY, COME ON DOWN.
292
00:16:31,723 --> 00:16:34,225
- OKAY, LARRY.
I'M GONNA RE-TEST YOU ORALLY.
293
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:35,292
I'LL GIVE YOU THE ANSWER,
BUT...
294
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,693
- OH, LIKE JEOPARDY.
295
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:39,997
I'LL TAKE
"FOREST CREATURES" FOR 100.
296
00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:41,498
( clears throat )
- UM, THIS IS MY CLASSROOM.
297
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,667
I'LL PICK THE CATEGORIES.
298
00:16:43,702 --> 00:16:46,303
AMERICAN HISTORY,
GEOGRAPHY, MATHEMATICS,
299
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:48,172
SCIENCE, AND LITERATURE.
300
00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:49,273
- I'LL TAKE "AMERICAN HISTORY"
301
00:16:49,308 --> 00:16:51,075
FOR 200, PAUL.
302
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:54,178
- THIS--
THIS IS REALLY NICE OF YOU.
303
00:17:01,887 --> 00:17:06,957
- ALL RIGHT.
AMERICAN HISTORY FOR 200.
304
00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:09,759
"EVENT COMMEMORATED
EVERY DECEMBER 7TH."
305
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:13,330
- WHAT IS "18 SHOPPING
DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS"?
306
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:21,004
- NO, NO. I WAS TALKING ABOUT
THE ATTACK ON PEARL HARBOR.
307
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,673
- HE WAS SORT OF RIGHT.
308
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:23,741
- "SORT OF RIGHT"
309
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,676
DOESN'T WIN ON JEOPARDY,
MR. LAUDEN.
310
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:31,215
- WHAT IS THE COTTON GIN?
311
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:32,749
- CORRECT FOR 500.
312
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,521
ALL RIGHT, LET'S RECAP.
313
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,623
SO FAR, LARRY, YOU HAVE
A BORDERLINE D AVERAGE.
314
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:41,391
YOU GET THE NEXT ONE RIGHT,
YOU'LL HAVE A C MINUS,
315
00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:42,692
BUT IF YOU MISS
316
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,895
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO
SEND YOU HOME EMPTY-HANDED.
317
00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:47,063
ARE YOU READY, LARRY?
318
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:48,198
- READY, PAUL.
319
00:17:50,535 --> 00:17:52,870
- THE CATEGORY
IS SCIENCE FOR 500.
320
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,671
HERE IS YOUR ANSWER.
321
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:57,174
"THREE THINGS
THAT PLANTS AND ANIMALS CAN DO
322
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,710
THAT NON-LIVING THINGS CANNOT."
323
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,779
- WHAT IS GOIN'
FROM HERE TO THERE?
324
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,146
- MOVEMENT! THAT'S CORRECT.
325
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:05,783
- WHAT IS CHOWING DOWN?
326
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:09,019
- NOURISH THEMSELVES.
CORRECT! ONE MORE, LARRY.
327
00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:10,754
- WHAT IS PARTYING?
328
00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:12,956
- OH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
329
00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:16,193
THE CORRECT QUESTION IS
"WHAT IS REPRODUCTION."
330
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:18,762
- I SAID "PARTYING."
331
00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:22,299
- ONE-- ONE MAN'S PARTYING
IS ANOTHER MAN'S REPRODUCTION.
332
00:18:25,871 --> 00:18:28,705
- I'M SORRY, LARRY,
BUT YOUR FINAL GRADE IS AN F.
333
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:29,673
BUT WE THANK YOU FOR COMING.
334
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,408
YOU'VE BEEN A GOOD SPORT.
335
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:32,910
GOODBYE AND GOOD LUCK.
336
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:39,483
- WAIT. WAIT, UH, WHAT--
WHAT ABOUT FINAL JEOPARDY?
337
00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:41,385
- FINAL JEOPARDY?
338
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:44,354
- YEAH, THAT'S WHERE
I CAN TURN AN F INTO A DIPLOMA
339
00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:47,357
BY BETTIN' THE WHOLE BALL
OF WAX ON ONE QUESTION.
340
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,560
- YOU CAN?
341
00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:52,029
- LOOK, WE--
WE DIDN'T MAKE UP THESE RULES.
342
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,535
- OKAY.
343
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:04,208
OKAY,
THE CATEGORY IS GEOGRAPHY.
344
00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:05,609
- HMM.
345
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:07,411
- ALL RIGHT, LARRY, FOR A D
346
00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:10,480
AND A HIGH SCHOOL
EQUIVALENCY DIPLOMA,
347
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:12,182
YOUR ANSWER IS...
348
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:17,755
...THE NAMES OF THE
SEVEN CONTINENTS OF THE WORLD.
349
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,258
- OH, WAIT.
I KNOW THIS ONE.
350
00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:23,594
"TAKE AN ASPIRIN?"
351
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,696
"CHEW A PILL"?
352
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,499
IT AIN'T COMIN'.
353
00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:33,704
WELL, THIS AIN'T
LIKE FINAL JEOPARDY AT ALL.
354
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:39,042
( clock ticking )
355
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:44,414
ALL RIGHT.
356
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:45,849
"EAT A PILL"?
357
00:19:45,884 --> 00:19:47,417
"STARVE A FEVER"?
358
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:55,426
- THIS HAS TO STOP SOON.
359
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:58,796
I NEVER WORE OUT
A HAMMER BEFORE.
360
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,598
- MY ONLY PLEASURE IS IMAGINING
361
00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:03,400
THAT EVERY STROKE OF THE RAG
362
00:20:03,435 --> 00:20:07,704
IS PUTTING ANOTHER LINE
ON JOANNA'S FACE.
363
00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:10,674
- ACTUALLY, THAT'S HOW
I WORE OUT THE HAMMER.
364
00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:14,311
( door opens )
365
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:26,589
- AS LONG AS YOU TWO
ARE HIDING IN THERE,
366
00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:27,824
THE FLOOR NEEDS SCRUBBING
367
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:30,427
AND THE FLUE IS STUCK
IN THE FIREPLACE.
368
00:20:30,462 --> 00:20:32,929
Stephanie:
YES, NURSE RATCHED.
369
00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:38,335
- EXCUSE ME.
370
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,536
ARE YOU MRS. LAUDEN?
371
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:40,571
- YES, CAN I HELP YOU?
372
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:41,738
- YEAH, WELL,
I'M ALAN WOODALL,
373
00:20:41,773 --> 00:20:43,907
THE REVIEWER
FOR THE VERMONT TOUR GUIDE.
374
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:46,443
I BELIEVE YOU KNOW ME
AS "BRAIN DEAD."
375
00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:50,947
- WELL, MR. WOODALL,
YOU DID TAKE AWAY
376
00:20:50,982 --> 00:20:52,349
ONE OF OUR MAPLE LEAVES.
377
00:20:52,384 --> 00:20:53,283
- I DID?
378
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:55,051
- HERE, SEE FOR YOURSELF.
379
00:20:57,155 --> 00:20:58,521
TWO MAPLE LEAVES.
380
00:20:58,557 --> 00:21:00,190
- YEAH, THAT'S
TWO MAPLE LEAVES ALL RIGHT.
381
00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:01,859
BUT THAT'S NOT YOUR INN.
382
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:04,395
THAT'S THE PARK & SNOOZE.
383
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:05,329
- HUH?
384
00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:06,363
- YEAH, YOU SEE?
385
00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:07,597
YOU WERE READIN'
THE WRONG COLUMN.
386
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:09,032
HERE, LOOK. LOOK.
387
00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:12,102
"THE PARK & SNOOZE:
TWO MAPLE LEAVES.
388
00:21:12,137 --> 00:21:15,105
THE STRATFORD,
THREE MAPLE LEAVES."
389
00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:16,206
- OH, MY GOODNESS.
390
00:21:16,241 --> 00:21:19,276
- YEAH. WHO'S GOT
DEAD BRAINS NOW?
391
00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:21,845
- OH, MR. WOODALL,
I'M SO EMBARRASSED.
392
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:24,548
PLEASE STAY HERE TONIGHT,
OUR TREAT, FREE.
393
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:25,648
- NO THANK YOU.
394
00:21:25,684 --> 00:21:28,085
THERE'S A FOUR-MAPLE-LEAF INN
DOWN THE ROAD.
395
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,553
( laughing )
396
00:21:36,829 --> 00:21:39,029
- HI, HONEY.
- DICK, LARRY, HOW'D IT GO?
397
00:21:39,064 --> 00:21:40,196
- HI.
398
00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:42,265
I'M LARRY,
HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
399
00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:43,800
- LARRY!
400
00:21:46,271 --> 00:21:48,572
CONGRATULATIONS.
401
00:21:48,607 --> 00:21:49,773
- THANKS.
402
00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:52,543
SORRY I COULDN'T REMEMBER THEM
SEVEN CONTINENTS YOUR WAY.
403
00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:54,878
I CAN ONLY SEEM TO LEARN THEM
IN DESCENDING ORDER
404
00:21:54,913 --> 00:21:56,446
OF GROSS NATIONAL PRODUCT.
405
00:21:59,017 --> 00:22:01,685
DARRYL, I WON'T KEEP YOU TWO
HANGIN' ON MEAT HOOKS.
406
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:02,986
I PASSED.
407
00:22:10,963 --> 00:22:12,529
- OH, I'VE GOT GOOD NEWS TOO.
408
00:22:12,564 --> 00:22:14,564
IT TURNS OUT I'VE BEEN READING
THE VERMONT TOUR GUIDE
409
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,735
ALL WRONG. WE HAD
THREE MAPLE LEAVES ALL ALONG.
410
00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:18,736
- WELL, THANK GOODNESS
411
00:22:18,771 --> 00:22:21,205
YOU DIDN'T GET
ALL WORKED UP OVER IT.
412
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:22,639
( clanking )
413
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:23,673
( gasps )
- I'D BETTER
TELL GEORGE AND STEPHANIE.
414
00:22:23,709 --> 00:22:25,709
AT LEAST THEY WON'T
HAVE TO DO ANY MORE WORK.
415
00:22:27,479 --> 00:22:30,180
- IT'S NICE TO KNOW YOU FELLAS
HAVE SO MUCH CONFIDENCE IN ME.
416
00:22:30,216 --> 00:22:31,581
BUT WHAT IF I'D FAILED?
417
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:39,957
- WELL, I TOLD THEM.
418
00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:41,425
I MUST SAY,
THEY BOTH TOOK IT BETTER
419
00:22:41,460 --> 00:22:42,893
THAN I EXPECTED THEY WOULD.
420
00:22:50,769 --> 00:22:54,271
( theme music playing )
421
00:23:20,065 --> 00:23:21,030
Man's voice: MEOW.
29631
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