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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,918 'Which French chemist refuted the phlogiston theory 2 00:00:30,008 --> 00:00:32,567 of combustion by identifying and naming oxygen?' 3 00:00:32,568 --> 00:00:35,329 - Dick Francis. - I hate the science ones. 4 00:00:35,330 --> 00:00:37,117 Why can't they do stuff on art? 5 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,478 - Hi. - Hi. 6 00:00:40,579 --> 00:00:41,518 Dick Francis. 7 00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:46,759 Oh, Fredo, I don't think so. Go on, pal, you know, go on. 8 00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:51,558 Ew! 9 00:00:51,559 --> 00:00:53,478 - Rabbit? - Yes. Rabbit. 10 00:00:53,485 --> 00:00:55,597 Yeah, sorry, one detonated in reception. 11 00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:57,039 I thought I'd got rid of it. 12 00:01:02,679 --> 00:01:03,857 - It's still there, isn't it? - Mm-hmm. 13 00:01:03,858 --> 00:01:05,635 Sorry. Anyway, why are you here? 14 00:01:05,638 --> 00:01:07,759 Justine has sold her television. 15 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:09,318 Why is that? 16 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:12,437 - To save up for a new DVD player. - And I've come to get this. 17 00:01:12,438 --> 00:01:15,037 - Dick Francis. - Hang on, that was my birthday present! 18 00:01:15,038 --> 00:01:17,677 Yes, four years ago. You've never read it, so I'm taking it back. 19 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:20,759 - Of course I've read it! - Ok, name a poem in it. 20 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,318 There's one about autumn. And time. 21 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:24,878 - Nope. - An ode. 22 00:01:24,879 --> 00:01:27,879 Pathetic. They're beautiful and romantic. You should have read them. 23 00:01:28,913 --> 00:01:32,237 'Who was appointed Secretary of State under Richard Nixon in 1973, 24 00:01:32,238 --> 00:01:35,877 holding the post concurrently with that of National Security Advisor?' 25 00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:38,077 - Dick Francis. - Why do you always say Dick Francis? 26 00:01:38,078 --> 00:01:39,652 It's not like he is ever going to be the answer, is he? 27 00:01:39,653 --> 00:01:40,194 Could be. 28 00:01:40,195 --> 00:01:42,597 It's just a case of waiting long enough. 29 00:01:42,575 --> 00:01:45,334 I reckon if I keep on saying it, then one day it'll be right. 30 00:01:45,335 --> 00:01:47,336 Isn't that Jeremy Clarkson's mantra? 31 00:01:47,337 --> 00:01:49,128 Right, come on, we're late. 32 00:01:49,129 --> 00:01:50,422 I've just got in. 33 00:01:50,576 --> 00:01:51,993 Five minutes. 34 00:01:51,994 --> 00:01:54,729 I'll shall be out in the car, pruning my Magic Tree. 35 00:01:55,638 --> 00:01:59,975 Oh. Someobody rang for you. An ex of yours. Sounded... angry. 36 00:01:59,976 --> 00:02:02,696 Well, to be honest, that could be any of them. 37 00:02:02,697 --> 00:02:05,455 Ok, well, process of elimination. 38 00:02:05,456 --> 00:02:07,734 - Was there a steam-press in the background? - No. 39 00:02:07,735 --> 00:02:10,816 Not Clare then, she doesn't get out for I think another two years. 40 00:02:10,817 --> 00:02:12,055 Dick Francis. 41 00:02:12,056 --> 00:02:13,855 Donna, performance artist. 42 00:02:13,856 --> 00:02:16,816 Just sat around in her pants juggling oranges. Never paid a bill. 43 00:02:16,817 --> 00:02:18,575 - No, not her. - Right, er... 44 00:02:18,576 --> 00:02:21,136 Who was the one who sounded like an owl when she had sex? 45 00:02:25,416 --> 00:02:31,256 Er, I've got no idea. Look, come on, focus. Who was it? 46 00:02:32,536 --> 00:02:34,894 Oh, I don't know. She sounded French. 47 00:02:34,895 --> 00:02:36,976 French? Oh, God, that's Sabine. 48 00:02:36,977 --> 00:02:38,535 Yes! That's the one! 49 00:02:38,536 --> 00:02:39,540 She's in town... 50 00:02:39,541 --> 00:02:42,351 and the person she was staying with has stood her up. 51 00:02:44,896 --> 00:02:46,895 So I invited her round. 52 00:02:46,896 --> 00:02:50,295 Oh, God. Not Sabine. Not here. Tell her I'm out. 53 00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,896 - I can hear you! - Tell her I have left the country. 54 00:02:54,536 --> 00:02:57,336 Allez, merde! Open this door! Maintenant! 55 00:02:58,496 --> 00:03:05,736 - Hi. - Justine, bonjour. Je t'aime, my pale little English. 56 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,176 Sara. 57 00:03:17,296 --> 00:03:18,695 Sabine. 58 00:03:18,696 --> 00:03:21,494 I see that time has not been kind with you. 59 00:03:21,495 --> 00:03:24,016 I will not embrace you in the French way 60 00:03:24,017 --> 00:03:28,935 because I know you cannot cope with, how you say, intimit�. 61 00:03:28,936 --> 00:03:30,295 Intimacy. 62 00:03:30,296 --> 00:03:31,855 Pfff, no matter. 63 00:03:31,856 --> 00:03:34,374 You cannot cope with it in any language, 64 00:03:34,395 --> 00:03:36,914 because you are cold, frigide, 65 00:03:36,915 --> 00:03:39,354 refoul�e, une l�che qui a peur d'exp�rimenter la vie. 66 00:03:39,355 --> 00:03:40,954 Effray�e par l'inconnu, par tout ce qui bouge, 67 00:03:40,955 --> 00:03:44,396 - tout ce qui est vivant et passionn�e... - Anglais! En anglais! 68 00:04:17,606 --> 00:04:18,297 Ok. 69 00:04:21,556 --> 00:04:23,435 But it's just so beautiful. 70 00:04:23,436 --> 00:04:27,395 We have plenty of time to discuss our differences. 71 00:04:27,396 --> 00:04:33,075 For now, you can make for me one of those brown drinks you English like. 72 00:04:33,076 --> 00:04:35,036 What do you mean, plenty of time? 73 00:04:36,756 --> 00:04:40,014 Did Justine not tell you? I am come to stay. 74 00:04:41,833 --> 00:04:45,401 Oh, oh, no, you're not. No, you're not coming to stay. No. 75 00:04:45,406 --> 00:04:48,945 Or what? You will move to Canada again?! 76 00:04:48,952 --> 00:04:50,840 Faut pas te moquer de moi, ch�rie... 77 00:04:50,842 --> 00:04:52,644 - Parle anglais! Parle anglais! - Je ne suis pas compl�tement d�bile! 78 00:04:52,645 --> 00:04:55,326 - En anglais! Sabine. - Incroyable! Salope! 79 00:04:55,327 --> 00:04:56,638 Justine. Get rid of her. 80 00:04:56,639 --> 00:04:59,886 Get rid of her, ok. Justine, I want it gone by the time I get back... 81 00:04:59,887 --> 00:05:01,086 Putain! 82 00:05:03,406 --> 00:05:05,165 Ok, let's recap. 83 00:05:05,166 --> 00:05:08,244 Now, in four weeks' time, your parents are going to come 84 00:05:08,245 --> 00:05:12,404 to your house and this is the chaos of you coming out to them. 85 00:05:12,405 --> 00:05:15,724 You don't think the whole penis parents analogy is 86 00:05:15,725 --> 00:05:17,964 psychologically counterproductive? 87 00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:21,021 Oh, fair enough, yes. Let's use the uni instead. Now... 88 00:05:22,141 --> 00:05:23,979 Oh, that's made a hell of a mess. 89 00:05:23,980 --> 00:05:26,461 I hope it doesn't go as badly as that. 90 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,421 Is there really a University of Kyrgyzstan? 91 00:05:30,422 --> 00:05:32,340 So, Sara, what do you need? 92 00:05:32,341 --> 00:05:34,380 Umm... help? 93 00:05:34,381 --> 00:05:37,260 Surely Shangri-La College is made up? 94 00:05:37,261 --> 00:05:41,020 I bloody hope not. I paid 25 quid for that degree. 95 00:05:41,021 --> 00:05:44,139 Right, let's get started. A little bit of drum therapy. 96 00:05:44,140 --> 00:05:47,099 - Oh, no. Sorry, I don't speak bongo. - Oh, come on. 97 00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:49,299 Where did you get this from, Narnia Polytechnic? 98 00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,539 Don't joke about it I have just seen the certificate. 99 00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:54,019 Why am I going to take a drum to my parents' house? 100 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,219 "Mum, Dad, there is something you need to know. 101 00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:58,059 I have joined the cast of Stomp." 102 00:05:58,060 --> 00:06:00,899 I've saved a dozen marriages, two civil partnerships 103 00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:03,699 and a loose polyamorous happening with this bongo. 104 00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:05,093 Just think what you want to say to me. 105 00:06:05,094 --> 00:06:06,972 Yes, and then drum it out. 106 00:06:09,381 --> 00:06:10,701 Anything else? 107 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:14,820 Excellent. 108 00:06:14,821 --> 00:06:16,459 You see, the feelings are there. 109 00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:19,031 Now you just need to get in touch with them, like Jamie. 110 00:06:19,032 --> 00:06:20,032 What? 111 00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:22,579 Yes, Jamie's in touch with his feminine side. 112 00:06:22,580 --> 00:06:25,779 He knows which colour palette's in vogue each season, 113 00:06:25,782 --> 00:06:28,256 he knows the names of most British wildflowers 114 00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:31,117 and cries at natural history documentaries. 115 00:06:31,151 --> 00:06:32,501 Sorry, what do you mean? 116 00:06:32,502 --> 00:06:34,020 Autumn 2010? 117 00:06:34,021 --> 00:06:37,741 Oh. Warm taupe, bias cutting, the return of the palazzo pant. 118 00:06:37,742 --> 00:06:42,100 See? A lovely, he's gentle girl-boy-man and not ashamed of it. 119 00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:45,179 So what we need is a trigger to help you vocalise. 120 00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:47,336 Now, what do you do when you want to express love? 121 00:06:47,342 --> 00:06:51,341 Uh, I'm quite shy. But I suppose I would cook them something. 122 00:06:51,342 --> 00:06:54,900 Can I just say, I do know loads about cars. 123 00:06:54,901 --> 00:06:57,100 He drives a Nissan Eunuch. 124 00:06:57,101 --> 00:06:58,541 She's joking. 125 00:06:59,701 --> 00:07:02,541 All right, Sara, then what is the speciality of your maison? 126 00:07:02,542 --> 00:07:04,780 Well, actually, I do make a really good crumble. 127 00:07:04,781 --> 00:07:07,988 Ok, think about that crumble. Yeah? 128 00:07:07,989 --> 00:07:10,702 Make it a symbol of your feelings. 129 00:07:10,781 --> 00:07:15,340 Now. Those feelings are great and you want to share your feelings. 130 00:07:15,341 --> 00:07:18,661 Just as you are going to share your brilliant crumble. 131 00:07:18,662 --> 00:07:22,420 Are you talking about the really sour crumble you do, 132 00:07:22,421 --> 00:07:24,581 you know, the one with the undercooked apples? 133 00:07:24,582 --> 00:07:26,541 You are such a... 134 00:07:37,581 --> 00:07:39,900 Sabine! What the hell are you doing here? 135 00:07:39,901 --> 00:07:43,740 Relax, ch�rie. I am just creating a mood. 136 00:07:43,741 --> 00:07:47,460 Yes, so I can see, and that mood is human sacrifice. 137 00:07:47,461 --> 00:07:49,661 I do not expect you to understand. 138 00:07:49,662 --> 00:07:54,220 You know nothing of expression, of sensuality. 139 00:07:54,221 --> 00:07:57,420 Ah, but this isn't sensuality. This is a fire hazard. 140 00:07:57,421 --> 00:08:02,980 Ah, yes. You British. Always with the health and safety. Bon d'accord. 141 00:08:02,981 --> 00:08:04,341 You dial neuf, neuf, neuf 142 00:08:04,342 --> 00:08:10,660 whilst I dance naked in the fires of passion. 143 00:08:10,661 --> 00:08:12,571 Ok. Do you remember when I pretended I had amnesia? 144 00:08:12,572 --> 00:08:13,370 Yes. 145 00:08:13,371 --> 00:08:15,701 Do you remember when I faked my own death? 146 00:08:15,702 --> 00:08:18,740 Well... this is why! 147 00:08:18,741 --> 00:08:21,299 Because you could never express yourself. 148 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:24,701 What do you want from me? We didn't even have a relationship. 149 00:08:24,702 --> 00:08:29,341 - We just argued for two months. - That is our relationship. 150 00:08:32,901 --> 00:08:34,660 What now? 151 00:08:34,661 --> 00:08:37,980 You can't handle my feelings. 152 00:08:37,981 --> 00:08:39,660 Well, I can handle them. 153 00:08:39,661 --> 00:08:42,741 It's just, do you have to be so Continental about them? 154 00:08:42,742 --> 00:08:46,580 You abandoned me. All I had left was George. 155 00:08:46,581 --> 00:08:49,100 And now il est mort. 156 00:08:49,101 --> 00:08:50,580 Who's George? 157 00:08:50,581 --> 00:08:52,740 He was like a father to me. 158 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:59,500 That is why I am here. For his funeral. I am alone. 159 00:08:59,501 --> 00:09:06,861 All I needed was somewhere for a few days. Please? 160 00:09:08,061 --> 00:09:09,901 - A few days? - Oui. 161 00:09:12,661 --> 00:09:14,860 One night. Ok, one night. 162 00:09:14,861 --> 00:09:19,500 No shouting, no kissing, and no lit fires in the living room. All right? 163 00:09:19,501 --> 00:09:21,341 Je t'adore! 164 00:09:28,357 --> 00:09:28,949 Daniel. 165 00:09:30,042 --> 00:09:33,547 Would you say that I'm repressed? 166 00:09:33,552 --> 00:09:34,683 - Yeah. - Really? 167 00:09:34,684 --> 00:09:35,684 Yeah. Absolutely. 168 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:38,901 You're probably the most repressed person I've ever met in my life. 169 00:09:38,902 --> 00:09:41,980 You're repressed, pent-up, awkward, weird, 170 00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:44,581 neurotic and you annoy the hell out of me. Why? 171 00:09:46,421 --> 00:09:48,301 Nothing. 172 00:09:52,861 --> 00:09:55,404 Sorry I'm late. I had a massive plastic surgery consult. 173 00:09:55,407 --> 00:09:58,307 Oh. Let me guess, eyebrow lift on a pug? 174 00:09:58,308 --> 00:09:59,777 - No. - Botoxing a bulldog? 175 00:09:59,780 --> 00:10:03,139 No, I was actually vajazzling a vizsla, which was interesting. 176 00:10:03,140 --> 00:10:05,861 She is now very grumpy but extremely ornate. 177 00:10:05,862 --> 00:10:07,780 So, how is he? 178 00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:09,900 Ok, so not in pain then. 179 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:13,060 Umm... no. Could that have been a fit? 180 00:10:13,061 --> 00:10:15,780 It could have been a fit, yes. 181 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,740 But it's not a fit, is it? 182 00:10:17,741 --> 00:10:21,140 No. He's... he's robust. 183 00:10:21,141 --> 00:10:23,179 I think he is just pleased to see me 184 00:10:23,180 --> 00:10:25,979 which we can't really prescribe medication for. 185 00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:29,271 Well, no. Otherwise we'd both be on that medication. 186 00:10:30,391 --> 00:10:33,750 I guess that's it then. All done. 187 00:10:33,751 --> 00:10:35,150 I guess so, yeah. 188 00:10:35,151 --> 00:10:36,830 Nothing else? 189 00:10:36,831 --> 00:10:38,910 I... 190 00:10:38,911 --> 00:10:41,950 I think we have probably done everything. 191 00:10:41,951 --> 00:10:43,510 Antibiotics. Yes. 192 00:10:43,511 --> 00:10:46,989 Anti-inflammatories, booster jabs, flea treatment, God, we were busy. 193 00:10:46,990 --> 00:10:51,309 Four X-rays, two MRIs, you removed his stitches, the ultrasound scan. 194 00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:55,149 Clipped his toenails, we cleaned his teeth and his balls were glazed. 195 00:10:55,150 --> 00:10:57,189 But I didn't charge you for that. 196 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,954 No-one could accuse you of not being thorough. 197 00:10:58,955 --> 00:10:59,955 Absolutely. 198 00:11:04,711 --> 00:11:05,990 Thanks. 199 00:11:05,991 --> 00:11:09,151 Y... y... you are very welcome. 200 00:11:13,551 --> 00:11:19,870 There... there's a gerbil outside and she gets very stressed about time. 201 00:11:19,871 --> 00:11:21,191 Fine. 202 00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:27,710 We will settle the bill. 203 00:11:27,711 --> 00:11:31,150 Oh, hi. Just a quick call to say that Tigger is 204 00:11:31,151 --> 00:11:33,869 out of the operation now and I should be able to let you 205 00:11:33,870 --> 00:11:36,469 know in about an hour or so whether he's dead or not. 206 00:11:36,470 --> 00:11:38,551 I wouldn't hold out too much hope... 207 00:11:39,671 --> 00:11:42,629 Hi, I think what my trainee is trying to say is 208 00:11:42,630 --> 00:11:45,189 Tigger is definitely on the road to wellness, 209 00:11:45,190 --> 00:11:48,551 albeit taking a slight pit stop in the lay-by of pain. 210 00:11:48,552 --> 00:11:50,310 Ok, thank you. 211 00:11:50,311 --> 00:11:52,869 Daniel, I've told you a million times please don't drop 212 00:11:52,870 --> 00:11:55,311 the D-Bomb when there are clients present. Ok. Thank you. 213 00:11:59,071 --> 00:12:00,669 Actually, can I ask your advice? 214 00:12:00,670 --> 00:12:02,911 I've got a friend who's in a bit of a quandary. 215 00:12:02,912 --> 00:12:04,750 - Is she blonde? - No. Why? 216 00:12:04,751 --> 00:12:06,109 No, no. I hate blondes. 217 00:12:06,110 --> 00:12:08,469 If she's blonde, then whatever's happened, 218 00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:10,071 she's brought it upon herself. 219 00:12:10,072 --> 00:12:15,630 Well, my very brunette friend, she really likes someone, 220 00:12:15,631 --> 00:12:18,589 but she's finding it hard to express her feelings. 221 00:12:18,590 --> 00:12:20,751 Ditch her. She sounds like a dork. 222 00:12:20,752 --> 00:12:23,990 She is not a dork... my friend. 223 00:12:23,991 --> 00:12:26,709 - She just doesn't have any confidence. - Oh, that's easy. 224 00:12:26,710 --> 00:12:29,069 I'll tell you what, a couple of glugs of 225 00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:31,391 gamma-hydroxybutyrate for sexy, sexy times. 226 00:12:31,392 --> 00:12:32,871 Man, I'm like... 227 00:12:36,471 --> 00:12:38,030 An angry chipmunk? 228 00:12:38,031 --> 00:12:41,030 Yeah. Yeah. Only for around 90 seconds though. 229 00:12:41,031 --> 00:12:43,350 Then your legs give way. 230 00:12:43,351 --> 00:12:44,790 That reminds me, 231 00:12:44,791 --> 00:12:47,711 I must get the locks changed on that drugs cabinet. 232 00:12:50,351 --> 00:12:53,831 I can do it. Deep breaths. 233 00:12:55,751 --> 00:13:00,430 That's not helping. Ok. Remember your mantra. 234 00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:04,191 Apple crumble. Apple crumble. Apple crumble. 235 00:13:05,591 --> 00:13:07,990 Hey, bro. How are you? 236 00:13:07,991 --> 00:13:10,030 She's in the stockroom. 237 00:13:10,031 --> 00:13:12,470 I'm not here to see her. 238 00:13:12,471 --> 00:13:15,711 Really? I thought you were Satan's little helper. 239 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:19,151 Well, hombre, you've mistaken the situation. 240 00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:22,831 - Really? - Really. 241 00:13:24,591 --> 00:13:27,631 From this position, I could roundhouse kick you 242 00:13:27,632 --> 00:13:29,990 into next week, mate. 243 00:13:29,991 --> 00:13:34,351 Well... I could slap... your face... 244 00:13:35,991 --> 00:13:37,871 Till it hurt. 245 00:13:42,751 --> 00:13:45,350 Nice styling. 246 00:13:45,351 --> 00:13:47,430 So what's happened to you? 247 00:13:47,431 --> 00:13:49,951 I always thought you were a massive wet towel. 248 00:13:49,952 --> 00:13:54,470 Well, maybe this massive wet towel is now dry. 249 00:13:54,471 --> 00:13:56,340 - Finally manned up. - Hell, yeah! 250 00:13:56,341 --> 00:13:57,341 So what's that then? 251 00:13:57,790 --> 00:14:01,549 Just on my way to the dump to take some books, thought I'd pop in 252 00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:04,349 - and see if you fancied a pint. - What books? 253 00:14:04,350 --> 00:14:06,549 Oh. Erm, complete works of John Donne, 254 00:14:06,550 --> 00:14:08,751 Royal Horticultural Yearbook, Blue Planet. 255 00:14:08,752 --> 00:14:10,430 Is that porn? 256 00:14:10,431 --> 00:14:12,990 There's a sperm whale in it. 257 00:14:12,991 --> 00:14:14,711 Keep that one, the rest have got to go. 258 00:14:14,712 --> 00:14:17,670 Dude, I'm not even going to recycle them. 259 00:14:17,671 --> 00:14:20,109 It's good you have finally come round. 260 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,389 Us guys have got to stick together, haven't we? 261 00:14:22,390 --> 00:14:23,629 This is a man's world, 262 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:26,349 we've got to make sure those women are reminded who is boss. 263 00:14:26,350 --> 00:14:29,431 Daniel! How many times have I told you to clear out that stockroom? 264 00:14:29,432 --> 00:14:31,231 - Sorry. - Get on with it! 265 00:14:33,711 --> 00:14:36,390 Oh, God, no. 266 00:14:36,391 --> 00:14:40,631 Et quand elle a un orgasme, elle fait un bruit comme un hibou. 267 00:14:40,632 --> 00:14:42,150 What is an hibou? 268 00:14:42,151 --> 00:14:44,350 An owl. 269 00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,469 Please tell me you didn't just tell her that. 270 00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:49,391 Ah, always with the embarrassment. The repression. 271 00:14:49,392 --> 00:14:54,150 Why should you be ashamed with me? We have shared everything. 272 00:14:54,151 --> 00:14:59,390 Remember the time you had to wear a nappy round the Coliseum? 273 00:14:59,391 --> 00:15:00,991 What are you doing here? 274 00:15:00,992 --> 00:15:03,270 J'ai oubli� la clef. 275 00:15:03,271 --> 00:15:06,271 How can you oublie it? I just gave it to you! 276 00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:07,550 Should I be here? 277 00:15:07,551 --> 00:15:12,830 Maybe I lost it because I am devastated. I am in grief. 278 00:15:12,831 --> 00:15:15,310 Je suis �cras�e par la douleur. 279 00:15:15,311 --> 00:15:17,311 En anglais, Sabine! En anglais! 280 00:15:37,911 --> 00:15:39,511 Thank you. 281 00:15:41,111 --> 00:15:42,791 A bientot, ch�rie. 282 00:15:44,271 --> 00:15:47,151 A bientot, psychopath. 283 00:15:49,271 --> 00:15:51,669 Very sorry about that. That's my ex. She's mad. 284 00:15:51,670 --> 00:15:53,949 Totally mad. But just here for a funeral, 285 00:15:53,950 --> 00:15:55,869 staying for a bit and then she is gone. 286 00:15:55,870 --> 00:15:58,671 I see. Do you have that bill? I really should settle up. 287 00:15:58,672 --> 00:15:59,990 Yes, I do. 288 00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:04,710 I was thinking that we should, er, have a drink tonight to celebrate 289 00:16:04,711 --> 00:16:08,111 you having the most irritatingly robust dog on the planet. 290 00:16:08,112 --> 00:16:10,070 I'm sorry. I can't tonight. 291 00:16:10,071 --> 00:16:14,591 Anyway, you seem to be quite busy with mad exes and gerbils. 292 00:16:16,391 --> 00:16:17,911 Come on, Smithy. 293 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,910 'Yo.' 294 00:16:27,911 --> 00:16:31,470 Hello, I'm outside. Can you buzz me in? 295 00:16:31,471 --> 00:16:32,791 'Whatever.' 296 00:16:36,231 --> 00:16:38,095 What's happened? Have you been burgled? 297 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:41,190 Just kicking back. 298 00:16:41,191 --> 00:16:44,031 Tidy it up if you want, you lot like that sort of thing. 299 00:16:44,032 --> 00:16:47,670 What d'you mean, "my lot"? Have you had a fall? 300 00:16:47,671 --> 00:16:49,550 More of a revelation. 301 00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:51,311 Why are you playing video games? 302 00:16:51,312 --> 00:16:53,190 Extreme Bastard Four. 303 00:16:53,191 --> 00:16:54,830 But you hate violence. 304 00:16:54,831 --> 00:16:58,269 Shut up, will you? I'm trying to garrotte this postman. 305 00:16:58,270 --> 00:17:00,789 I might have known you would be involved. 306 00:17:00,790 --> 00:17:03,389 What have you done with him? What have you done to my Jamie? 307 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,149 I don't know what you're talking about. 308 00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,309 We're just expressing ourselves. Like men. 309 00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:09,351 How do I mow down that pensioner? 310 00:17:09,352 --> 00:17:10,943 Press the A button twice. 311 00:17:10,944 --> 00:17:12,589 - Ready? - Yeah. 312 00:17:14,062 --> 00:17:15,646 Was there anything else? 313 00:17:16,631 --> 00:17:18,991 I will leave you to OAP-geddon. 314 00:17:22,231 --> 00:17:24,151 Hello! 315 00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:29,591 Hello? 316 00:17:36,391 --> 00:17:37,911 Fredo. 317 00:17:39,031 --> 00:17:41,270 Fredo! 318 00:17:41,271 --> 00:17:42,870 Fredo! 319 00:17:42,871 --> 00:17:44,431 Bonjour, ch�rie. 320 00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:49,206 Monsieur Chien and myself 'ave been cooking. 321 00:17:49,888 --> 00:17:52,390 A little chicken three ways, a soupcon of jus, 322 00:17:52,391 --> 00:17:54,110 a ballotine of quail. 323 00:17:54,111 --> 00:17:56,571 What the hell were you thinking of, coming into my work like that? 324 00:17:56,572 --> 00:17:57,885 I was seeing a patient! 325 00:17:58,552 --> 00:18:00,830 A patient? I do not think so. 326 00:18:00,831 --> 00:18:02,871 I don't know what you are talking about. 327 00:18:02,872 --> 00:18:04,590 She is nice, that one. 328 00:18:04,591 --> 00:18:09,030 She likes you, but you will blow it with your sad Englishness. 329 00:18:09,031 --> 00:18:10,991 Do you want me to speak with her? 330 00:18:10,992 --> 00:18:12,870 No! Please, no, no. 331 00:18:13,371 --> 00:18:15,966 Don't you see, it is better to share your feelings than to have 332 00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:17,711 someone guess at them? 333 00:18:18,191 --> 00:18:20,390 We have a saying in France. 334 00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:26,590 When the lion loses its larynx, the antelope loses its meaning. 335 00:18:27,401 --> 00:18:29,670 I have no idea what that means. 336 00:18:29,671 --> 00:18:31,671 It's lost in translation? 337 00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:45,511 Nope, still not got it, sorry. 338 00:18:45,512 --> 00:18:52,190 George, who taught me that, alone, lying in his coffin. 339 00:18:52,191 --> 00:18:55,510 I have to speak the eulogy at his funeral. 340 00:18:55,511 --> 00:19:00,070 - I don't know how I will cope. If only... - If only what? 341 00:19:00,071 --> 00:19:04,590 If only I had someone to support me this terrible time. 342 00:19:04,591 --> 00:19:08,110 Someone who could come to the funeral with me. 343 00:19:08,111 --> 00:19:09,550 Sabine! 344 00:19:09,551 --> 00:19:13,191 What? You going to develop another illness in the next few seconds? 345 00:19:13,192 --> 00:19:15,910 Mumps? W-hooping cough? 346 00:19:15,911 --> 00:19:17,990 Maybe. 347 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:21,350 Sabine, please, just a few words. 348 00:19:21,351 --> 00:19:25,550 I cannot do it. I cannot. 349 00:19:25,551 --> 00:19:28,271 - Of course you can. - I am too vulnerable to speak. 350 00:19:28,272 --> 00:19:30,470 You're never unable to speak. 351 00:19:30,471 --> 00:19:32,870 I'm sorry. 352 00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:35,190 You will have to do it for me. 353 00:19:35,191 --> 00:19:36,830 What? 354 00:19:36,831 --> 00:19:41,470 Look at me. I am an 'usk. 355 00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:44,470 Sabine? Just a few words, please. 356 00:19:44,471 --> 00:19:52,030 Please, for your old friend and your old lover. 357 00:19:52,031 --> 00:19:57,590 Yes, we were lovers, we were lovers, lovers. 358 00:19:57,591 --> 00:20:00,631 All right! I'll do it. Just sit down and shut up. 359 00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:03,911 All right, just tell me what he was like. 360 00:20:06,231 --> 00:20:12,311 - He was courageous. Strong. Brave. - Mm-hmm. 361 00:20:14,071 --> 00:20:18,111 He lived in a small village. 362 00:20:24,551 --> 00:20:28,311 George is not alive. 363 00:20:29,751 --> 00:20:34,671 When he was alive, he... knew some people. 364 00:20:36,391 --> 00:20:38,590 About six or seven people. 365 00:20:38,591 --> 00:20:41,191 And the great thing about these people was 366 00:20:41,192 --> 00:20:47,470 there was a good split between male and female. 367 00:20:47,471 --> 00:20:52,430 60% men and 40% women. 368 00:20:52,431 --> 00:20:55,351 Some of these men have facial hair. 369 00:20:57,031 --> 00:21:00,710 Beard and moustache. Some do not. 370 00:21:00,711 --> 00:21:04,230 What I know about George is... 371 00:21:04,231 --> 00:21:06,991 he was a tiger. 372 00:21:08,071 --> 00:21:15,831 He was courageous, strong... and lived in a village. 373 00:21:16,871 --> 00:21:21,950 Hi, Eve. It's Sara. Listen, I just wanted to say sorry about earlier. 374 00:21:21,951 --> 00:21:25,511 My life is crazy, and I am going to sort that. 375 00:21:27,431 --> 00:21:29,191 Can you just shut up a minute! 376 00:21:29,192 --> 00:21:31,390 I am bleeding! 377 00:21:31,391 --> 00:21:33,390 And so are my ears! 378 00:21:33,391 --> 00:21:35,039 It's a slow process. 379 00:21:36,227 --> 00:21:38,617 Think of it like an apple crumble. 380 00:21:38,622 --> 00:21:42,190 You've got your emotions, which are the fruit, and you've 381 00:21:42,191 --> 00:21:45,869 got your crumble, which is kind of crunchier emotions. 382 00:21:45,870 --> 00:21:48,869 And then you put it in the oven, and you heat up the emotions 383 00:21:48,870 --> 00:21:50,911 and you share them. Does that make... ? 384 00:21:50,912 --> 00:21:55,550 Anyway, would you come for dinner with me? 385 00:21:55,551 --> 00:21:57,989 I can show you that I have loads of other lab coats, 386 00:21:57,990 --> 00:22:00,389 loads of different colours. 387 00:22:00,390 --> 00:22:03,551 Who am I kidding, you probably can't hear me anyway... 388 00:22:03,552 --> 00:22:05,271 over le bruit! 389 00:22:06,591 --> 00:22:09,671 If you want to, just call. 390 00:22:12,111 --> 00:22:14,840 My darling! Merci du fond du c�ur. 391 00:22:15,341 --> 00:22:17,760 My emotions were too great to handle. 392 00:22:17,765 --> 00:22:21,669 You are better at all this because you are emotionally detach�e. 393 00:22:21,696 --> 00:22:25,497 Yeah, we'll call it quits, shall we? I'm just going to go now. 394 00:22:25,498 --> 00:22:27,176 Oh. 395 00:22:27,177 --> 00:22:28,776 Why? 396 00:22:28,777 --> 00:22:30,736 It's just that... 397 00:22:30,737 --> 00:22:35,215 I said it would be ok for people to come back to ours for some food. 398 00:22:35,216 --> 00:22:37,777 Nothing special, a little truffled frog's leg, 399 00:22:37,778 --> 00:22:42,577 une fougasse with olives, duck rillettes. Non? 400 00:22:45,497 --> 00:22:46,977 Oui? 401 00:22:49,657 --> 00:22:51,537 That's right! 402 00:22:53,297 --> 00:22:54,856 Hey. 403 00:22:54,857 --> 00:22:57,256 Hi. Didn't you get the message? 404 00:22:57,257 --> 00:23:00,310 The Miami Vice themed party is off, we're too busy having a wake. 405 00:23:00,312 --> 00:23:01,355 Very funny. 406 00:23:02,210 --> 00:23:04,171 Why don't you go tell it to your coffee morning? 407 00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:07,455 I've made the puddings, but we are a little short on sandwiches. 408 00:23:07,456 --> 00:23:10,777 Well, get someone else to be your nibbles bitch. I am a man. 409 00:23:10,778 --> 00:23:15,136 More importantly, I am my own man. Isn't that right, Danny? 410 00:23:15,137 --> 00:23:17,457 Yep. So you need to start respecting me. 411 00:23:17,458 --> 00:23:19,771 I am not going to clean your clothes, 412 00:23:19,772 --> 00:23:22,335 wash your dishes or chauffeur you around. 413 00:23:22,336 --> 00:23:24,535 Will you still alphabetise my books? 414 00:23:24,536 --> 00:23:27,417 - Yes, I'd still like to do that... - Hey, careful. 415 00:23:27,418 --> 00:23:30,616 But I can't. 416 00:23:30,617 --> 00:23:35,896 This is a new era. And this era doesn't have a womb. 417 00:23:35,897 --> 00:23:38,697 It's going to be quite a short-lived era, isn't it? 418 00:23:38,698 --> 00:23:40,697 Think about it. 419 00:23:42,697 --> 00:23:46,457 Right. A wake is a great place to pick up depressed tush. 420 00:23:46,458 --> 00:23:49,176 So, phase two, lessons in love. 421 00:23:49,177 --> 00:23:52,097 Women love to be told that they're going to have sex with you. 422 00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:53,382 - Really? - Yeah. 423 00:23:53,383 --> 00:23:54,383 Yeah. Watch this. 424 00:23:56,537 --> 00:24:02,456 All right. You're Sabine, right? That means you are French, yeah? 425 00:24:02,457 --> 00:24:04,336 J'aime les Fran�ais. 426 00:24:04,337 --> 00:24:06,336 Really? You speak a little? 427 00:24:06,337 --> 00:24:10,337 You know, only what I need. Now, voulez-vous coucher avec... 428 00:24:12,337 --> 00:24:13,615 What's your problem? 429 00:24:13,616 --> 00:24:16,857 Thought you Mediterraneans liked a bit of bunga-bunga. 430 00:24:20,617 --> 00:24:24,936 Yeah. She loved it. That's the way to roll, brother. 431 00:24:24,937 --> 00:24:29,177 That snail-eating soft-arsed Brie basher is mine for the taking. 432 00:24:32,657 --> 00:24:36,337 How many times have I told you? When you are angry, use the fist. 433 00:24:39,617 --> 00:24:41,537 Yeah. That's better. 434 00:24:43,577 --> 00:24:46,455 Did you make this crumble? It's delicious. 435 00:24:46,456 --> 00:24:49,257 Thank you so much. That's really sweet of you. 436 00:24:52,817 --> 00:24:54,296 Hey. You ok? 437 00:24:54,282 --> 00:24:56,920 I've just been telling everyone about the time you 438 00:24:56,921 --> 00:24:59,555 vomited on the steps of the Vatican. 439 00:25:00,015 --> 00:25:02,506 That was a very bad bug. 440 00:25:03,722 --> 00:25:05,361 Do you know what? I am really not ok. 441 00:25:05,362 --> 00:25:07,720 No, I am not ok with you invading my space, 442 00:25:07,721 --> 00:25:09,800 or setting firecrackers off in my bedroom, 443 00:25:09,801 --> 00:25:12,922 or dressing my dog up like Nicolas Sarkozy and I am certainly not 444 00:25:12,923 --> 00:25:18,001 ok with you telling total strangers that I... come like an owl. 445 00:25:18,002 --> 00:25:19,721 I am furious with you. 446 00:25:19,722 --> 00:25:24,281 Good. I am glad. At least this is an emotion. 447 00:25:24,282 --> 00:25:27,362 Because you're crazy and loud and shout all the time. 448 00:25:27,363 --> 00:25:29,601 This is good. Anything else? 449 00:25:29,602 --> 00:25:32,722 Yes, you're fun and open and you love life and... 450 00:25:33,922 --> 00:25:36,201 - I hate you for it. - More? 451 00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:38,441 I just want to bury the hatchet. 452 00:25:38,442 --> 00:25:40,601 Bury the hatchet? 453 00:25:40,602 --> 00:25:45,721 Is this another repressed English sex game, like pass the parcel? 454 00:25:45,722 --> 00:25:49,122 Oh, I don't think you have been playing that right. 455 00:25:49,123 --> 00:25:53,481 I want to start again. And I would like us to be friends. 456 00:25:53,482 --> 00:25:54,961 Excellent. 457 00:25:54,962 --> 00:25:59,681 Then as my new friend, I must tell you I have sights on someone. 458 00:25:59,682 --> 00:26:01,401 Really? 459 00:26:01,402 --> 00:26:04,721 Someone delicate, feminine, gentle. 460 00:26:04,722 --> 00:26:08,041 I can sense the passion lurking there. 461 00:26:08,042 --> 00:26:11,121 Well. Good luck... to them. 462 00:26:11,122 --> 00:26:16,442 Next time, maybe you have the balls to invite that nice girl you like. 463 00:26:21,362 --> 00:26:25,841 - Ah, my knight in shining amour. - Well, I don't know about that. 464 00:26:25,842 --> 00:26:27,682 Parlez-vous fran�ais? 465 00:27:03,202 --> 00:27:06,001 - Hi. - Hi. 466 00:27:06,002 --> 00:27:07,841 Can I help you? 467 00:27:07,842 --> 00:27:12,201 I... I'm here to see Eve but I think I've got the wrong house. 468 00:27:12,202 --> 00:27:17,761 No, no, she's here. Darling, there's someone to see you. 469 00:27:17,762 --> 00:27:21,802 - All right, babe, I'll just be a minute! - All right. 470 00:27:32,042 --> 00:27:35,842 She'll be ages. I'm just going to... I'll go get her. 471 00:27:52,802 --> 00:27:56,640 'The symbiotic association of Rhizobium bacteria with the roots 472 00:27:56,641 --> 00:28:00,842 of legumes is the basis of which process, essential to agriculture?' 473 00:28:00,843 --> 00:28:02,281 Dick Francis. 474 00:28:02,282 --> 00:28:04,600 'Your starter for ten, which crime writer rode 475 00:28:04,601 --> 00:28:08,282 the Queen Mother's horse Devon Loch in the 1956 Grand National?' 476 00:28:08,283 --> 00:28:09,361 Dick Francis. 477 00:28:09,362 --> 00:28:10,762 'Is correct.' 478 00:28:12,482 --> 00:28:15,840 'Which British composer's works include The Protecting Veil 479 00:28:15,841 --> 00:28:17,322 and Song for Athene?' 480 00:28:19,682 --> 00:28:21,001 Sally Gunnell. 481 00:28:21,002 --> 00:28:23,682 'The naked torso of a woman, an inverted tuba 482 00:28:23,683 --> 00:28:25,481 and a cane-bottomed chair 483 00:28:25,482 --> 00:28:28,562 all appear in a painting by which Belgian surrealist?' 484 00:28:28,563 --> 00:28:30,202 Sally Gunnell. 485 00:28:30,763 --> 00:28:41,203 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 486 00:28:41,253 --> 00:28:45,803 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37799

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