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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,844 --> 00:00:05,995 I'm on the bus, man. It's not even going anywhere. 2 00:00:06,827 --> 00:00:08,595 Allow it, man. You come to my yard. 3 00:00:08,755 --> 00:00:10,475 I ain't going to your yard, {your yard}it's swag. 4 00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:13,583 Shut up! No! You is coming to my house, bitch! 5 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:18,355 Does he really think we all want to hear him argue with his... bitch? 6 00:00:18,515 --> 00:00:21,567 {I don't fink so.}It's none of your business where I was last night, woman! 7 00:00:24,675 --> 00:00:27,794 - That thing with Shaniqua was nuffin'. - Oh, shut up! 8 00:00:29,595 --> 00:00:31,234 {Come on, }I'll knock him for six, man. 9 00:00:31,354 --> 00:00:33,614 I'll knock him out. They call me Rocky Balboa. 10 00:00:35,155 --> 00:00:37,812 You're like some stalker, man, all the time calling me{, calling me}... 11 00:00:37,932 --> 00:00:38,918 And sleep. 12 00:00:41,354 --> 00:00:44,458 Shut up, bitch! I'm just gonna come up there and just tear it up. 13 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,512 I've had enough of you! Come here! 14 00:00:56,744 --> 00:00:59,546 I'd let that just go to voicemail, if I were you. 15 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:01,585 Shut up, man! 16 00:01:03,594 --> 00:01:05,234 - What? - Nothing. 17 00:01:06,409 --> 00:01:07,874 Batty boy, man. 18 00:01:08,768 --> 00:01:10,778 Some gaylord watching me. 19 00:01:11,555 --> 00:01:13,389 .:: La Fabrique ::. 20 00:01:13,509 --> 00:01:15,075 Dickheads Team 21 00:01:15,235 --> 00:01:17,130 Synchro: mpm & Arrow 22 00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:26,395 Episode 205 Don goes gay 23 00:01:29,317 --> 00:01:31,817 I had sex with Mrs Treacher last night. 24 00:01:31,969 --> 00:01:33,759 It's a bit awkward this morning. 25 00:01:34,241 --> 00:01:35,755 I'm kidding, I'm kidding! 26 00:01:36,524 --> 00:01:37,524 Imagine! 27 00:01:43,155 --> 00:01:45,504 - This is my brother, Jamie. - Hey, Don. 28 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,195 Heard a lot about you. 29 00:01:47,355 --> 00:01:49,264 Really? Not all bad, I hope. 30 00:01:52,701 --> 00:01:54,515 I said, "Not all bad, I hope." 31 00:01:54,945 --> 00:01:57,435 No, Sam raves about you. 32 00:01:59,294 --> 00:02:00,275 Where's Eddie? 33 00:02:00,435 --> 00:02:02,915 He's off fetching me my Saturday paper. 34 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,917 Well, if you wanna sit down, I'll go and get us a cup of tea. 35 00:02:13,179 --> 00:02:14,115 Take a pew. 36 00:02:20,317 --> 00:02:22,595 Wouldn't worry about Angry Ronnie Corbett here. 37 00:02:22,755 --> 00:02:24,715 That's just her default face. 38 00:02:24,949 --> 00:02:27,715 Doesn't matter what mood she's in, she always has that look. 39 00:02:27,875 --> 00:02:29,875 I call it "The Face of Death". 40 00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,708 Even if you make her laugh, she goes back to it.{ Look.} 41 00:02:32,828 --> 00:02:34,875 Watch this. Mrs T, look. 42 00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,241 See? 43 00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:49,268 All right? 44 00:02:50,155 --> 00:02:51,555 My husband's dead. 45 00:02:52,557 --> 00:02:53,595 You all right? 46 00:02:53,755 --> 00:02:55,055 Yeah, I'm great! 47 00:02:56,037 --> 00:02:58,317 That's Samantha's brother? 48 00:02:58,674 --> 00:03:00,537 Yeah. Looks nothing like her. 49 00:03:00,657 --> 00:03:01,799 Thank God! 50 00:03:03,945 --> 00:03:05,245 What's the joke? 51 00:03:05,705 --> 00:03:07,475 Dunno. Your love life? 52 00:03:07,635 --> 00:03:09,261 Stop showing off, you, 53 00:03:09,381 --> 00:03:11,602 or I'll pull your pants down, {in front of everyone} like I did at school. 54 00:03:11,722 --> 00:03:14,235 You can try, but I'm not little any more. 55 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,008 That's not what I've heard. 56 00:03:17,237 --> 00:03:18,437 Got you there. 57 00:03:21,107 --> 00:03:23,894 Where is Eddie with my freaking paper? 58 00:03:29,755 --> 00:03:32,057 She used to have this terrible habit of sleepwalking 59 00:03:32,235 --> 00:03:34,037 and weeing herself. 60 00:03:34,157 --> 00:03:35,955 Rubbish! I never once did that! 61 00:03:36,115 --> 00:03:37,995 You sleepwalked to the top of the stairs{ that time} 62 00:03:38,155 --> 00:03:40,345 and then peed all down the banister. 63 00:03:40,807 --> 00:03:42,195 All right, I did it once. 64 00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:44,955 But at least I didn't dress up in little girl's clothes. 65 00:03:45,115 --> 00:03:46,675 Well, actually, you did. 66 00:03:47,064 --> 00:03:48,475 You were a little girl. 67 00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,675 - There you go, Don. - About time, Eddie. Jeez! 68 00:03:57,395 --> 00:03:59,755 There we go. TV listings. 69 00:04:00,391 --> 00:04:01,991 Chuck that in the bin. 70 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:04,952 What, aren't you going to read it? 71 00:04:05,072 --> 00:04:06,795 No. That's the boring stuff. 72 00:04:07,517 --> 00:04:08,998 No, I've got what I want here. 73 00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:11,995 Let's see if there's any Costner on tonight. 74 00:04:12,717 --> 00:04:13,755 Right, 75 00:04:13,925 --> 00:04:15,155 see you later. 76 00:04:16,475 --> 00:04:18,004 Good to meet you, guys. 77 00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:19,583 See you, Jamie. 78 00:04:20,470 --> 00:04:22,554 Seems all right for a homo. 79 00:04:23,635 --> 00:04:25,195 Don't be so disrespectful. 80 00:04:25,355 --> 00:04:26,875 He's not gay. 81 00:04:29,387 --> 00:04:31,755 Even I can tell that he's homosexual. 82 00:04:31,915 --> 00:04:33,063 No, you see... 83 00:04:33,183 --> 00:04:35,884 You're mistaking homosexual for metrosexual. 84 00:04:36,004 --> 00:04:37,235 You know... like me? 85 00:04:37,395 --> 00:04:39,397 I have no idea what a metrosexist is, 86 00:04:39,517 --> 00:04:41,795 but I know Jamie's not one. 87 00:04:41,955 --> 00:04:43,205 He's gaysexual. 88 00:04:43,729 --> 00:04:45,856 I've seen them on the telly. 89 00:04:46,195 --> 00:04:49,075 That's just what blokes are like nowadays, Gollum. 90 00:04:49,304 --> 00:04:51,395 Men aren't men like they used to be. 91 00:04:51,555 --> 00:04:53,523 They're not like Steven Seagal. 92 00:04:53,643 --> 00:04:57,643 Straight guys now are like Simon Cowell or Rupert Everett. 93 00:04:58,235 --> 00:04:59,235 Bollocks! 94 00:05:00,082 --> 00:05:01,975 We all went out for a drink that night. 95 00:05:02,095 --> 00:05:04,515 Who'd have thought Sam had such a funny brother? 96 00:05:05,061 --> 00:05:06,953 Come on, Samantha, it's your round. 97 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,084 And no snakebite and blacks, 98 00:05:10,204 --> 00:05:12,383 or whatever it is students drink these days. 99 00:05:12,503 --> 00:05:15,820 If she had it her way, we'd all be drinking cider in the park. 100 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:19,755 - And smoking roll-ups. - Yeah. Wearing Che Guevara T-shirts. 101 00:05:19,915 --> 00:05:22,315 Oh, my God! I wish I'd never introduced you both. 102 00:05:22,475 --> 00:05:24,355 Come on, I'll give you a hand. 103 00:05:26,878 --> 00:05:28,272 He's so not gay. 104 00:05:29,548 --> 00:05:30,637 Maybe you're right. 105 00:05:30,757 --> 00:05:32,990 - What do I know? - You know nothing. 106 00:05:34,032 --> 00:05:37,480 He's so funny, so witty, so biting. 107 00:05:38,565 --> 00:05:40,995 And he's very well dressed. I love him. 108 00:05:41,155 --> 00:05:42,195 Is Don gay? 109 00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:44,506 What? 110 00:05:46,069 --> 00:05:47,369 He's gay, right? 111 00:05:50,105 --> 00:05:51,105 Gay?! 112 00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:56,225 Yeah. He is. 113 00:05:56,577 --> 00:05:58,836 - He's very gay. - Why didn't you tell me? 114 00:05:58,956 --> 00:06:00,256 Well, because... 115 00:06:01,473 --> 00:06:04,569 Wait... You're not interested in him, are you? 116 00:06:05,654 --> 00:06:07,235 You know I like the naughty ones. 117 00:06:10,659 --> 00:06:13,388 How long have he and that Eddie guy been together? 118 00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:15,116 Him and Eddie? 119 00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:19,235 They kind of have an on-off thing. 120 00:06:19,395 --> 00:06:20,945 But they are "off"... 121 00:06:21,229 --> 00:06:22,429 at the moment. 122 00:06:26,439 --> 00:06:28,552 If you see some crisp on my face, just tell me. 123 00:06:28,672 --> 00:06:30,835 Don't dive in and wipe it yourself. 124 00:06:31,022 --> 00:06:34,235 I mean, I don't want Jamie thinking we're a couple or something. 125 00:06:36,262 --> 00:06:38,870 So, anyone know the Arsenal result? 126 00:06:38,990 --> 00:06:40,635 Likes football. Not gay. 127 00:06:40,795 --> 00:06:43,795 You're asking the wrong person. Don doesn't watch or play sport. 128 00:06:44,263 --> 00:06:46,390 - I play sport. - Really? 129 00:06:46,917 --> 00:06:48,642 - What do you play? - Billiards. 130 00:06:49,948 --> 00:06:51,555 It was 2-1 to the Arsenal. 131 00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,235 Cool. What, you support them too? 132 00:06:54,195 --> 00:06:55,345 I'm with Don. 133 00:06:55,512 --> 00:06:56,348 What? 134 00:06:56,995 --> 00:06:58,810 I'm not a fan of football, either. 135 00:06:58,930 --> 00:07:02,195 But he read the paper this morning, so he'll have remembered all the scores 136 00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,124 to every match. And all the news. 137 00:07:04,244 --> 00:07:06,675 Ask him anything that was in the paper and he'll tell you. 138 00:07:06,835 --> 00:07:08,395 - Go on, do it, it's great! - OK. 139 00:07:08,655 --> 00:07:11,315 What was on page... 12? 140 00:07:13,763 --> 00:07:15,155 Alien sighting in Penge. 141 00:07:16,390 --> 00:07:19,045 That was good. OK, what was on page 40? 142 00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:21,114 Oh, that's easy. The crossword. 143 00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:22,805 Three across, five letters. 144 00:07:22,925 --> 00:07:25,195 Clue, plastic music. Answer, vinyl. 145 00:07:25,355 --> 00:07:28,115 Seven down, seven letters. Nelson's ship. 146 00:07:28,275 --> 00:07:31,995 Answer, Victory. 12 across, 10 letters. Track from Fleetwood Mac's 147 00:07:32,155 --> 00:07:34,122 Tango In The Night. Answer, Everywhere. 148 00:07:34,242 --> 00:07:35,690 Six down, four, three. 149 00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:39,010 1988 Dustin Hoffman Oscar winner. Answer, Rain Man... 150 00:07:52,918 --> 00:07:55,997 I tell you, my nan had some pretty nifty records! 151 00:08:02,574 --> 00:08:03,755 What's that noise? 152 00:08:06,675 --> 00:08:08,337 I'm trying to sleep! 153 00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:13,624 Stop playing that bloody techno music! 154 00:08:14,123 --> 00:08:15,845 You silly gremlin! 155 00:08:15,965 --> 00:08:17,869 She thinks that's techno! 156 00:08:19,047 --> 00:08:21,086 We'll try and keep it down. 157 00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:24,641 Right, I'm off to ged... Bed! 158 00:08:25,141 --> 00:08:26,475 You're pissed! 159 00:08:26,635 --> 00:08:27,555 No, I'm not. 160 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,489 She never admits it when she's drunk. 161 00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:32,123 So... where am I sleeping? Sofa? 162 00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:34,754 I'm afraid the sofa is not very comfy. 163 00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:37,475 - I don't mind. - You could sleep in Don's room. 164 00:08:38,158 --> 00:08:39,835 - What? - Sounds like fun. 165 00:08:41,914 --> 00:08:45,035 I mean, you can't expect him to sleep down here, where it's all cold. 166 00:08:46,797 --> 00:08:47,635 All right! 167 00:08:47,869 --> 00:08:50,258 God! I suppose it could be a laugh. 168 00:08:50,435 --> 00:08:53,598 It'll be like being back at school. No wanking games, though! 169 00:08:53,718 --> 00:08:55,555 - Can I come too? - Get lost, Eddie! 170 00:08:55,715 --> 00:08:58,075 - Go on. We could throon. - "Throon"? 171 00:08:58,235 --> 00:09:01,355 That's when three people spoon. Eddie calls it "throoning". 172 00:09:01,515 --> 00:09:04,197 We throoned with Mrs Treacher last week, didn't we? 173 00:09:04,675 --> 00:09:06,795 I'm gonna let you guys fight it out. 174 00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:09,131 Have fun in your sleepover. 175 00:09:11,668 --> 00:09:13,118 Come on, then, you. 176 00:09:13,722 --> 00:09:15,057 Let's go to bed. 177 00:09:15,435 --> 00:09:17,715 You'll clear up all the mess, won't you, Edward? 178 00:09:18,712 --> 00:09:19,712 Good. 179 00:09:28,966 --> 00:09:31,555 What's Eddie like, eh? Getting jealous. 180 00:09:33,792 --> 00:09:35,195 You can't blame him, can you? 181 00:09:35,355 --> 00:09:37,155 Yes. He's a pillock. 182 00:09:39,685 --> 00:09:41,155 Come on, hurry up. It's cold. 183 00:09:41,721 --> 00:09:45,639 He needs to understand that we don't have to do everything together. 184 00:09:47,033 --> 00:09:48,911 Anyway, you OK with this? 185 00:09:49,031 --> 00:09:50,331 Yeah, of course! 186 00:09:51,005 --> 00:09:51,955 You? 187 00:09:53,575 --> 00:09:55,362 You don't wanna go top to tail? 188 00:09:55,482 --> 00:09:56,509 Really? 189 00:09:56,955 --> 00:09:59,235 Some guys I know, they don't like that. 190 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,275 I much prefer it. 191 00:10:03,435 --> 00:10:04,435 Right. 192 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,195 Imagine! 193 00:10:14,851 --> 00:10:16,727 Wait one cotton-picking minute! 194 00:10:16,847 --> 00:10:18,077 What's going on? 195 00:10:18,554 --> 00:10:19,557 Oh... God! 196 00:10:19,677 --> 00:10:21,315 I thought you were... 197 00:10:21,765 --> 00:10:23,775 - I thought you weren't! - Well! 198 00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,315 God! This is awkward. 199 00:10:26,817 --> 00:10:30,395 Wait a minute. Where on earth did you get the idea I might be a gayman? 200 00:10:31,117 --> 00:10:32,117 My sister. 201 00:10:32,355 --> 00:10:33,915 What? Oh, great! 202 00:10:40,358 --> 00:10:43,497 Don and Jamie sittin' in a tree, 203 00:10:44,115 --> 00:10:46,903 B-U-M-M-I-N... 204 00:10:49,283 --> 00:10:50,909 Look, I'm really sorry. 205 00:10:51,029 --> 00:10:54,103 This was obviously her idea of a joke. 206 00:10:55,037 --> 00:10:57,235 But you actually thought I was a gayman? 207 00:10:57,464 --> 00:10:58,595 Are you offended? 208 00:11:00,470 --> 00:11:03,515 I just don't see why you would think such a kooky thing. 209 00:11:04,237 --> 00:11:07,337 Your relationship with that Eddie guy, for a start. 210 00:11:07,515 --> 00:11:09,676 People are always saying that. 211 00:11:09,897 --> 00:11:12,675 We don't do anything that is remotely gay. 212 00:11:18,466 --> 00:11:20,157 Right, I'm going to bed. 213 00:11:20,277 --> 00:11:21,277 Night. 214 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:29,096 - Sometimes we finish each other's... - Sentences. 215 00:11:31,130 --> 00:11:32,802 - There we go... - Again! 216 00:11:35,669 --> 00:11:36,869 Thanks, Eddie. 217 00:11:38,779 --> 00:11:41,068 I really ought to tell him to back off a bit. 218 00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:43,875 You do have a gayish quality, Don. 219 00:11:44,035 --> 00:11:45,956 I'm not gay. I'm not. 220 00:11:46,146 --> 00:11:48,875 I thought about it once. See? Open-minded. 221 00:11:49,197 --> 00:11:50,835 And I decided I could never be gay, 222 00:11:50,995 --> 00:11:53,691 because I simply don't like the music. 223 00:11:54,155 --> 00:11:55,035 What? 224 00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:59,250 The music. It's all thump, thump, thump, thump, thump with the gays. 225 00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:01,913 From what I've witnessed, they only listen to music 226 00:12:02,033 --> 00:12:03,556 in gyms or nightclubs. 227 00:12:03,676 --> 00:12:07,675 I mean, do you know any gaymen who listen to Radiohead or Nick Drake? 228 00:12:09,066 --> 00:12:12,997 Do you realise what a huge, sweeping generalisation that is? 229 00:12:13,364 --> 00:12:16,075 Still, at least you didn't say we all like Judy Garland. 230 00:12:17,014 --> 00:12:19,475 You know about Judy Garland? She rocks! 231 00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:22,675 My God! You're serious. 232 00:12:23,011 --> 00:12:24,053 Yeah, man, yeah. 233 00:12:24,173 --> 00:12:27,715 My nan left behind loads of her records. Garland's awesome. 234 00:12:30,899 --> 00:12:33,684 Oh, my God! You are so gay! 235 00:12:33,804 --> 00:12:36,115 - No, you are. - No, you are. 236 00:12:39,435 --> 00:12:41,185 No, you are actually gay. 237 00:12:41,355 --> 00:12:42,605 This is stupid. 238 00:12:43,673 --> 00:12:45,988 Look, all I'm saying is, you know, 239 00:12:46,196 --> 00:12:48,077 you're vain, you're bitchy, 240 00:12:48,197 --> 00:12:50,715 you don't like football, you don't know anything about cars 241 00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:53,475 and you take forever to get ready. 242 00:12:53,950 --> 00:12:57,715 Not exactly alpha hetero qualities, now, are they? 243 00:13:01,357 --> 00:13:03,278 What does Jamie know, anyway? 244 00:13:03,398 --> 00:13:04,789 Just cos he's gay. 245 00:13:05,142 --> 00:13:07,621 I mean, I'm not vain or bitchy. 246 00:13:09,536 --> 00:13:11,254 Sam said I'm receding. 247 00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,278 She doesn't know what she's talking about. 248 00:13:13,398 --> 00:13:15,406 She said the same thing about me. 249 00:13:15,994 --> 00:13:17,546 Sometimes I hate that woman. 250 00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:19,795 - "I used to be a model." - Yeah, right! 251 00:13:19,955 --> 00:13:21,788 Hand model, more like. Cow! 252 00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,635 All right. But I don't take forever to get ready. 253 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,506 Are you ready to leave? You've been in front of the mirror for 2 h. 254 00:13:30,672 --> 00:13:32,073 Yeah, I wanna look good. 255 00:13:32,193 --> 00:13:35,195 We are only going to pick up a takeaway pizza, Don. 256 00:13:35,459 --> 00:13:38,595 OK, but I like football and know stuff about cars. 257 00:13:38,755 --> 00:13:41,930 Can we please hurry up before everyone starts piling out the pubs? 258 00:13:42,050 --> 00:13:43,998 You know that big game's on tonight. 259 00:13:44,145 --> 00:13:47,050 Oh, God! I hate football. How are we getting there? 260 00:13:47,314 --> 00:13:49,155 We're going in my Volvo. 261 00:13:50,042 --> 00:13:51,355 What's a Volvo? 262 00:13:52,237 --> 00:13:53,322 Oh, shit! 263 00:13:53,806 --> 00:13:54,806 I'm gay. 264 00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,774 I still can't believe you did that. 265 00:14:02,894 --> 00:14:06,612 Well, you deserved it. You both did. You were ganging up on me all night. 266 00:14:09,876 --> 00:14:11,186 What's this, then? 267 00:14:11,306 --> 00:14:12,235 Coffee? 268 00:14:14,167 --> 00:14:15,595 Join us, if you want. 269 00:14:17,395 --> 00:14:20,171 - Do you still think we were gonna go... - I'm gay! 270 00:14:21,149 --> 00:14:22,270 Jamie's right. 271 00:14:22,390 --> 00:14:23,795 I thought about it last night 272 00:14:23,955 --> 00:14:25,315 and I've decided... 273 00:14:25,475 --> 00:14:26,475 I am... 274 00:14:27,102 --> 00:14:28,276 a gayman. 275 00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,588 Don, why don't you sit down? 276 00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:35,806 I've just came to ask if... you... 277 00:14:37,066 --> 00:14:38,560 would be my boyfriend? 278 00:14:39,497 --> 00:14:41,235 - What? - Will you be my boyfriend? 279 00:14:42,595 --> 00:14:44,379 It doesn't just work like that. 280 00:14:44,875 --> 00:14:48,435 I need someone to show me the ropes, you know, break me in. 281 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:49,796 Not like that! 282 00:14:50,435 --> 00:14:53,236 OK, like that, but one step at a time. 283 00:14:53,596 --> 00:14:55,474 Don, you are not gay. 284 00:14:56,682 --> 00:14:57,946 Bless you, Samantha. 285 00:14:58,066 --> 00:14:59,945 I know it's gonna be hard for you to accept. 286 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:02,035 It's gonna be hard for a lot of chicklets. 287 00:15:02,378 --> 00:15:04,499 Look, if you're serious, 288 00:15:04,709 --> 00:15:06,197 why don't we go out on a date 289 00:15:06,317 --> 00:15:08,154 and we'll take it from there, yeah? 290 00:15:09,384 --> 00:15:10,734 - A date? - Yes. 291 00:15:11,129 --> 00:15:12,794 - A date. - You are kidding me! 292 00:15:15,069 --> 00:15:16,968 You and me on a date. Right, OK. 293 00:15:18,070 --> 00:15:19,993 Sure, yeah. Pick me up at eight. 294 00:15:21,636 --> 00:15:23,714 I'm staying at your house, remember? 295 00:15:24,061 --> 00:15:24,960 Fine. 296 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,230 Pick me up from my room at eight. 297 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:31,638 Seriously? 298 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,390 You started it. 299 00:15:33,627 --> 00:15:36,019 Now, you must be thinking this is very extreme. 300 00:15:36,139 --> 00:15:38,709 But I didn't wanna be one of those "am I, aren't I?" types. 301 00:15:38,829 --> 00:15:41,396 So I went to work that afternoon a proud gayman. 302 00:15:41,516 --> 00:15:43,395 Don. Here a minute. 303 00:15:43,956 --> 00:15:44,995 Morning, boss. 304 00:15:45,156 --> 00:15:47,919 Right. This isn't easy to say, so I'll just say it. 305 00:15:48,901 --> 00:15:50,747 I'm gonna have to let you go. 306 00:15:51,134 --> 00:15:52,134 I'm sorry. 307 00:15:52,755 --> 00:15:54,675 Actually, I'm not. You've been a disaster. 308 00:15:54,836 --> 00:15:56,582 What, you're firing me? 309 00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:59,515 You might as well leave now. I don't want you upsetting customers. 310 00:15:59,675 --> 00:16:00,903 Oh, I get it. 311 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,427 Yeah, I see what this is about. 312 00:16:04,045 --> 00:16:06,155 - You're bad at your job. - It's cos I'm gay, isn't it? 313 00:16:06,316 --> 00:16:07,731 No, it's not. I... 314 00:16:07,851 --> 00:16:08,691 What? 315 00:16:08,998 --> 00:16:10,048 You're gay? 316 00:16:10,475 --> 00:16:14,233 I don't believe this. I've always heard them going on about discrimination, 317 00:16:14,353 --> 00:16:16,475 but I thought that was just attention seeking. 318 00:16:16,636 --> 00:16:20,355 - Don, if this is some kind of joke... - Being gay is not a joke, Jason! 319 00:16:20,694 --> 00:16:23,028 Yes, it looks fun, and camp, 320 00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:26,983 and most gay celebrities are amusing, or they dress up in ladies' clothing. 321 00:16:27,103 --> 00:16:30,403 But that doesn't automatically mean it's fun and games. 322 00:16:30,921 --> 00:16:31,921 Jesus! 323 00:16:32,590 --> 00:16:34,274 You... of all people. 324 00:16:34,436 --> 00:16:36,795 - And what does that mean? - Well, you're a Jew. 325 00:16:36,956 --> 00:16:39,106 You and us together in Auschwitz. 326 00:16:39,886 --> 00:16:41,555 What? I'm not Jewish! 327 00:16:41,715 --> 00:16:44,309 What are you so worried about, Jason? That I'll give everyone AIDS? 328 00:16:44,429 --> 00:16:46,612 - No, I just... - Jason's got AIDS now! 329 00:16:46,732 --> 00:16:47,675 Don, stop it. 330 00:16:48,794 --> 00:16:50,305 She's got AIDS now! 331 00:16:50,425 --> 00:16:52,529 Oh, my God! I've got AIDS! 332 00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:56,755 {Don't you think }You're overreacting{?}. 333 00:16:56,915 --> 00:16:58,825 Try telling that to the millions of homosexuals 334 00:16:58,945 --> 00:17:02,000 who are killed every second just for being gay. 335 00:17:02,915 --> 00:17:03,985 There's one. 336 00:17:04,509 --> 00:17:05,621 There's another. 337 00:17:05,741 --> 00:17:07,618 You know what you can do with your job, Jason? 338 00:17:07,795 --> 00:17:10,500 You can stick it where we gays make love. 339 00:17:11,074 --> 00:17:13,074 And I do not mean the bedroom. 340 00:17:14,396 --> 00:17:16,835 I'll give you one more warning. But that's it. 341 00:17:17,482 --> 00:17:19,395 - I'll think about it. - What? 342 00:17:19,556 --> 00:17:20,756 OK, I'll stay. 343 00:17:21,371 --> 00:17:23,175 And... I'll forgive you. 344 00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,880 I was really looking forward to my gay date with Jamie. 345 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,755 I decided to bunk off work early that afternoon 346 00:17:35,915 --> 00:17:37,194 and go home and prepare. 347 00:17:43,989 --> 00:17:45,075 Can I have a word? 348 00:17:45,236 --> 00:17:47,969 Certainly, Samantha. Which word would you like? 349 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,675 Tell you what, take "vagina". I won't be needing that any more. 350 00:17:51,835 --> 00:17:53,808 Look, I just wanted to apologise 351 00:17:53,928 --> 00:17:56,200 for getting you caught up in our sibling rivalry. 352 00:17:56,755 --> 00:17:59,433 You don't need to apologise. I'm glad you did it. 353 00:18:00,007 --> 00:18:00,887 What? 354 00:18:01,007 --> 00:18:03,994 I might've gone my whole life not knowing about my gayness. 355 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,155 But you did an amazing thing, 356 00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:09,673 despite it being a cruel, nasty joke for your own entertainment. 357 00:18:09,915 --> 00:18:11,440 But you're not gay. 358 00:18:11,795 --> 00:18:15,188 It makes so much sense. Why have I never had a proper relationship before? 359 00:18:15,635 --> 00:18:18,264 Come on! You've had relationships, haven't you? 360 00:18:26,768 --> 00:18:28,118 That was great... 361 00:18:29,882 --> 00:18:30,882 Janet? 362 00:18:33,369 --> 00:18:34,369 Josie? 363 00:18:35,001 --> 00:18:35,889 Look, Don, 364 00:18:36,009 --> 00:18:39,661 I've had a long, hard think and I just can't see a future for us. 365 00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:43,195 It's only our first date. 366 00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:44,355 Thanks. 367 00:18:46,172 --> 00:18:47,422 This was great! 368 00:18:50,944 --> 00:18:52,315 I'm a gayman, Sam. 369 00:18:52,681 --> 00:18:54,955 It explains my commitment issues 370 00:18:55,116 --> 00:18:57,373 and why I've always wondered what it would be like 371 00:18:57,493 --> 00:18:59,089 to cuddle Keanu Reeves... 372 00:18:59,883 --> 00:19:00,955 in the nude. 373 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:02,635 I got them. 374 00:19:05,675 --> 00:19:07,115 I have sex every day. 375 00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:08,195 With yourself. 376 00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:10,190 Yes, with myself. 377 00:19:10,574 --> 00:19:13,331 And at no point do I ever go, "Oh, my God! 378 00:19:13,451 --> 00:19:15,475 "There's a man's hand on my penis." 379 00:19:15,953 --> 00:19:17,706 - So? - So I clearly don't mind 380 00:19:17,826 --> 00:19:19,995 having a man's hand on my penis. 381 00:19:20,165 --> 00:19:21,755 Yeah, because it's your hand. 382 00:19:21,915 --> 00:19:23,583 It's still a man's hand, isn't it? 383 00:19:23,703 --> 00:19:24,844 And I like it. 384 00:19:25,134 --> 00:19:26,417 Love it, in fact. 385 00:19:27,626 --> 00:19:29,714 You wouldn't understand. You're not a gayman. 386 00:19:29,875 --> 00:19:32,555 Would you stop saying gayman, because it is not actually a word. 387 00:19:32,716 --> 00:19:33,836 It must be. 388 00:19:33,956 --> 00:19:35,962 It's like Englishman. Or Dutchman. 389 00:19:36,082 --> 00:19:38,274 Or German-man. 390 00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:41,275 No, it's not, because an Englishman is from England. 391 00:19:41,395 --> 00:19:43,084 You are not from Gayland. 392 00:19:43,204 --> 00:19:44,435 There's no such thing. 393 00:19:44,607 --> 00:19:45,499 Isn't there? 394 00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:47,471 I mean, there are gaylords. 395 00:19:47,591 --> 00:19:49,904 And you can't have lords without a land. 396 00:19:51,241 --> 00:19:52,075 Come! 397 00:19:53,436 --> 00:19:54,874 Oh, Jamie. Stop it. 398 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,635 You're not meant to see me yet. 399 00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:57,741 My God! 400 00:19:57,861 --> 00:20:00,116 Jamie, come on. Let's leave him to it. 401 00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:01,875 I'll be waiting downstairs. 402 00:20:02,489 --> 00:20:03,965 OK, sweet cheeks. 403 00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:06,075 Right. 404 00:20:06,591 --> 00:20:08,581 Come on, what have you got for me? 405 00:20:12,997 --> 00:20:15,009 I can tell you're in a mood, Eddie Singh. 406 00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:15,955 What is it? 407 00:20:16,655 --> 00:20:18,195 You used to call me "sweet cheeks". 408 00:20:21,369 --> 00:20:23,835 What you and I have is platonic. 409 00:20:24,441 --> 00:20:25,515 You're not my type. 410 00:20:25,875 --> 00:20:27,791 You look like an overgrown baby. 411 00:20:45,194 --> 00:20:46,915 What are you wearing, Don? 412 00:20:47,884 --> 00:20:50,058 - What do you mean? - Those clothes. 413 00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,308 Well, this is just how I roll now. 414 00:21:02,355 --> 00:21:05,355 - And so I was on my first gay date. - Good luck. 415 00:21:05,856 --> 00:21:08,847 We went for dinner, but I insisted we leave early, because... 416 00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:10,200 I'm out now. 417 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,114 I wanna go to a gay restaurant. 418 00:21:12,234 --> 00:21:15,177 You know? Where there's gay people. And gay food. 419 00:21:15,297 --> 00:21:19,297 Being gay doesn't automatically mean you only go to gay places, Don. 420 00:21:19,847 --> 00:21:21,616 I know what this is about. 421 00:21:21,736 --> 00:21:24,431 You've got a thing for straights, haven't you? 422 00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:25,355 What? 423 00:21:25,516 --> 00:21:27,023 I was straight when you met me. 424 00:21:27,143 --> 00:21:29,306 Then tonight you take me to a straight restaurant. 425 00:21:29,426 --> 00:21:31,170 And flirted with the straight waiter. 426 00:21:31,515 --> 00:21:33,651 But I told you, I was just being polite. 427 00:21:33,771 --> 00:21:36,595 Polite? I got a girl pregnant once by being polite. 428 00:21:37,626 --> 00:21:39,596 You wanna go where there's gays? 429 00:21:40,337 --> 00:21:42,195 I think I know somewhere open. 430 00:21:42,355 --> 00:21:43,931 But just relax! 431 00:21:44,744 --> 00:21:46,044 OK. I'm relaxed. 432 00:21:52,669 --> 00:21:55,219 We're queer, we're here, get used to it! 433 00:21:59,562 --> 00:22:00,562 Oh, God. 434 00:22:01,275 --> 00:22:03,217 - What's up? - That's just reminded me 435 00:22:03,337 --> 00:22:05,275 that Don's on a date with my brother. 436 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:08,870 It's actually making me feel a bit queasy. 437 00:22:09,187 --> 00:22:10,942 It's like catching 438 00:22:11,062 --> 00:22:13,435 your annoying uncle in bed with your dad or something. 439 00:22:13,596 --> 00:22:15,514 Oh, dear. What, that happened to you too? 440 00:22:17,408 --> 00:22:19,243 That was a strange Christmas. 441 00:22:22,356 --> 00:22:25,129 I mean, Don is simply not gay. 442 00:22:25,567 --> 00:22:26,600 I must say, 443 00:22:27,275 --> 00:22:29,125 it all does seem a little odd. 444 00:22:30,943 --> 00:22:32,595 What exactly are you making, Eddie? 445 00:22:33,531 --> 00:22:34,981 Saucisse de poulet. 446 00:22:35,701 --> 00:22:38,075 - A what? - Oh, a chicken sausage. 447 00:22:54,875 --> 00:22:58,317 - Why are they all staring at us? - They're checking us out. 448 00:22:59,735 --> 00:23:01,185 They're so blatant. 449 00:23:05,132 --> 00:23:06,315 All right, mate? 450 00:23:09,003 --> 00:23:10,003 All right? 451 00:23:12,580 --> 00:23:14,023 You get the drinks in. 452 00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:15,632 I'm going for a slash. 453 00:23:16,393 --> 00:23:17,393 Be quick! 454 00:23:20,207 --> 00:23:21,555 Two beers, please. 455 00:23:27,272 --> 00:23:28,834 So shall we go, then? 456 00:23:28,995 --> 00:23:30,526 - Sorry? - I'm not. 457 00:23:30,748 --> 00:23:31,834 I'm horny, though. 458 00:23:31,996 --> 00:23:34,235 What, you and me? Just like that? 459 00:23:34,715 --> 00:23:37,796 - Do you have {your eye on }something better? - No, it's just, well, 460 00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:39,732 we haven't... met. 461 00:23:40,338 --> 00:23:43,235 - Don't you like to talk first? - Why would I wanna do that? 462 00:23:44,597 --> 00:23:47,275 - Gays are so much better than women. - Come on, then. 463 00:23:47,813 --> 00:23:49,926 Back the truck up a minute, gayman. 464 00:23:50,115 --> 00:23:51,395 I've only just come out. 465 00:23:51,556 --> 00:23:54,275 - I don't care what time you got here. - No, no. I mean out. 466 00:23:54,436 --> 00:23:55,936 Of the closet, yeah? 467 00:23:56,878 --> 00:23:57,878 How sweet. 468 00:23:58,547 --> 00:24:01,366 - How about a dance? - I didn't do dance when I was straight, 469 00:24:01,486 --> 00:24:03,486 I'm not about to start danc... 470 00:24:19,442 --> 00:24:20,933 What are you doing? 471 00:24:21,053 --> 00:24:22,515 He's with me. Get lost. 472 00:24:24,991 --> 00:24:27,715 - Actually... - I said, he's with me. 473 00:24:28,367 --> 00:24:30,834 Now turn around or I'll kick the shit out of you. 474 00:24:32,244 --> 00:24:33,494 He's all yours. 475 00:24:38,635 --> 00:24:40,335 Come back, I beg of you! 476 00:24:52,833 --> 00:24:54,073 I'm telling you, 477 00:24:54,193 --> 00:24:57,130 in all my years on the straight circuit, I have never, ever 478 00:24:57,250 --> 00:24:59,650 had two women fight over me like that. 479 00:25:01,315 --> 00:25:04,229 It has done wonders for my confidence. 480 00:25:05,317 --> 00:25:06,686 That was just a bar 481 00:25:06,806 --> 00:25:08,955 where people go to get laid. 482 00:25:09,441 --> 00:25:11,291 Not all gays are like that. 483 00:25:11,411 --> 00:25:14,761 Some are interested in having a monogamous relationship. 484 00:25:15,506 --> 00:25:17,914 What's the point in that? You may as well be straight. 485 00:25:18,076 --> 00:25:20,555 Don, I'm not convinced you're gay. 486 00:25:20,716 --> 00:25:22,543 I am. I am. Look, I'm gay. 487 00:25:23,132 --> 00:25:24,115 Come on. 488 00:25:24,275 --> 00:25:25,474 You fancy men? 489 00:25:25,945 --> 00:25:27,389 I fancy Keanu Reeves. 490 00:25:28,397 --> 00:25:29,515 But not me? 491 00:25:30,573 --> 00:25:31,920 I'm just a bit nervous. 492 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,012 You know, this is very new to me. 493 00:25:37,433 --> 00:25:39,195 Do you need me to help you? 494 00:25:40,506 --> 00:25:41,756 That'd be nice. 495 00:25:44,671 --> 00:25:45,671 Right. 496 00:25:47,436 --> 00:25:49,186 Straight for the Johnson? 497 00:25:52,877 --> 00:25:54,380 Now, I know what you're thinking. 498 00:25:54,500 --> 00:25:56,362 Actually, I don't know what you're thinking. 499 00:25:56,482 --> 00:25:58,970 But I'll talk you through what I'm thinking. 500 00:25:59,441 --> 00:26:00,632 Oh, my God. 501 00:26:00,752 --> 00:26:02,555 I'm getting a blowy from a man. 502 00:26:02,715 --> 00:26:03,884 A fella. A gay. 503 00:26:04,004 --> 00:26:07,004 Shit, what am I doing? This is Samantha's brother. 504 00:26:10,817 --> 00:26:12,122 Do it to me, Samantha. 505 00:26:12,242 --> 00:26:14,309 Oh, God, that's good, yes. Hang on. 506 00:26:14,429 --> 00:26:15,405 What am I doing? 507 00:26:15,525 --> 00:26:16,915 I'm sorry, I can't do this. 508 00:26:19,487 --> 00:26:20,915 - What? - I'm sorry, 509 00:26:21,075 --> 00:26:22,035 I'm not gay. 510 00:26:23,275 --> 00:26:25,159 I guess I just needed a man... 511 00:26:25,468 --> 00:26:27,275 to suck me off to work it out. 512 00:26:27,436 --> 00:26:28,555 I'm so sorry. 513 00:26:28,851 --> 00:26:29,915 I'm sorry. 514 00:26:32,218 --> 00:26:33,499 I'm gonna go. 515 00:26:33,887 --> 00:26:36,173 Up to Sam's room. 516 00:26:40,826 --> 00:26:41,826 Sorry. 517 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,232 Oh, God! 518 00:26:47,716 --> 00:26:49,675 - Hey, Don. - Jon Bon Jesus! 519 00:26:51,236 --> 00:26:52,995 How long have you been there? 520 00:26:53,155 --> 00:26:54,674 Most of the evening. 521 00:26:55,726 --> 00:26:59,275 You don't say a word about the blowy, not to anyone, right? 522 00:26:59,508 --> 00:27:00,535 Abso-lulu. 523 00:27:00,655 --> 00:27:02,653 Not a word about the blowy. 524 00:27:04,396 --> 00:27:06,195 - I can't believe what you did! - What? 525 00:27:06,542 --> 00:27:08,180 I didn't do anything. What did he say? 526 00:27:08,435 --> 00:27:10,395 {He just said }That you finally admitted you weren't homosexual. 527 00:27:10,861 --> 00:27:12,715 What, and that was all he said? 528 00:27:13,538 --> 00:27:15,915 I knew you weren't. I can't believe you made all that stuff up. 529 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:17,915 I didn't make it up. 530 00:27:18,087 --> 00:27:19,906 {You know, }I honestly thought I might be. 531 00:27:20,026 --> 00:27:22,576 {You know, }I'm going through an experimental phase. 532 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:24,275 But you'll be pleased to know 533 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,915 I am now definitely a ladies' man. 534 00:27:28,815 --> 00:27:30,155 That's ridiculous. 535 00:27:34,230 --> 00:27:37,275 Your brother just brushed his teeth with Don's penis. 536 00:27:39,636 --> 00:27:40,794 Very weird. 537 00:27:47,154 --> 00:27:48,915 www.sous-titres.eu 538 00:27:48,965 --> 00:27:53,515 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38758

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