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1
00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:06,206
I got a few days left!
2
00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:08,275
♪ ♪
3
00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:11,612
(shrieks)
4
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,785
(school bell rings)
5
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:21,989
(burps)
6
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,091
(whistle blows)
7
00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:25,659
(yells)
8
00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:31,164
(beeping)
9
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,770
♪ ♪
10
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,839
(playing lively jazz music)
11
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:44,678
(tires screech)
12
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:47,848
D'oh!
13
00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:50,317
(grunts)
14
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:56,023
(train whistle blowing)
15
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:01,728
Haw‐haw!
16
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,699
♪ ♪
17
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,506
♪ ♪
18
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,011
Hey, little lady.
19
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,681
You'd be a lot prettier
if you smiled.
20
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,349
What? Who are you?
21
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,152
I'm a man. So I know
what I'm talking about.
22
00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:27,955
Smile and you'll be
a lot more popular.
23
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:31,291
Are you serious? You know I'll
remember this forever, right?
24
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,727
Well, that's what therapy's for.
25
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:37,364
And he told me I wouldn't be
pretty unless I smiled.
26
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,800
Sweetie, you are very pretty.
27
00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:42,035
And thanks to the puberty app
on my phone,
28
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,804
we can see what lies ahead.
29
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:53,680
(buzzer sounding)
30
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,482
Wait. This can't be real.
31
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,317
I already had braces.
32
00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:00,721
Oh. Well, I‐I'm afraid
you have to get them again.
33
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,889
The man we thought was
your orthodontist
34
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:06,259
was actually
a rogue periodontist.
35
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,062
(scoffs) Rogue periodontist.
36
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,398
This family cheaps out
on everything.
37
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,368
Homer took me
to a "psychiatrist."
38
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:18,071
After three sessions, I figured
out it was a goat with glasses.
39
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,140
(bleats):
Never went back.
40
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,977
(quietly):
Braces? Again?
41
00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:27,614
Why am I the only one
in this family who needs braces?
42
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:30,183
(mouthpiece creaking)
43
00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:32,219
(playing lively jazz)
44
00:02:32,285 --> 00:02:34,588
‐(laughs)
‐Don't look so smug, boy.
45
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,690
Let's try this app on you.
46
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,761
Hello, Aaron Eckhart.
(purrs)
47
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,063
Whoa‐ho! Puberty!
48
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,631
Let's see what comes next.
49
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,767
Cool.
50
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,936
Homie, look.
We got this in the mail today.
51
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,104
HOMER:
Aw, what is it?
52
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,939
Did I get drunk
and buy useless stuff
53
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,241
on eBay again?
54
00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:56,143
Let's get more.
55
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,446
Hello, Simpsons.
56
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,481
It's me, Artie Ziff,
57
00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:03,884
in prerecorded form.
58
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:06,186
So you can't talk to me.
59
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:07,087
I can't?
60
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:08,689
No, you can't.
61
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,957
(quietly):
Pause for laughs.
62
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,225
And thank you.
63
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:14,027
Artie Ziff?
Isn't that the rich guy
64
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,595
who could have been our dad?
65
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:18,465
I am the only man
your mother has ever been with,
66
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,734
and she doesn't have
a single regret.
67
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,070
‐Well...
‐You stay out of this, Marge!
68
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,906
Great news: I'm getting married,
and you're invited!
69
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,975
‐HOMER (groans): Oh.
‐Why, you ask,
am I getting married?
70
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,112
‐I've found my soul mate!
‐(fireworks popping)
71
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,548
‐Jealous?
‐(easy listening music plays)
72
00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:36,550
April 12th,
very rich man's wedding.
73
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:37,884
Regrets only.
74
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,152
Chicken or fish.
75
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,787
Or vegan.
76
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,155
Bye!
77
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,590
So, what else is in the mail?
78
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:46,326
We got a flyer from Lowe's!
79
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,762
(gasps)
Three‐quarter plywood.
80
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,597
$20 a sheet!
81
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,432
I'm a‐comin'!
82
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,835
Oh, I don't have a car.
83
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,837
You're not really thinking
of going, are you?
84
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,839
That jerk kept trying
to break us up.
85
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:02,309
Now, I am sensing
conflicted feelings.
86
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:06,046
If you come, I promise you
a wonderful time.
87
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,115
‐Champagne, caviar,
‐(fanfare playing)
88
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,917
deep‐fried ice sculptures,
a guy who guesses your weight,
89
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,086
who always guesses low!
90
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:14,354
(easy listening music plays)
91
00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:16,490
Thank you.
92
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:19,459
And now to celebrate,
here's Tupac Shakur!
93
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,027
♪ Don't be tardy ♪
94
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,463
♪ My boy Artie
is throwing a party ♪
95
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,465
♪ This wedding's gonna be fly ♪
96
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,868
♪ Why won't you people
let me die? ♪
97
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,703
How do you turn this off?
98
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,705
There's no off
to the Artie show.
99
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,374
‐I decide when...
‐Please set me free.
100
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,876
Oh, here it is.
101
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,778
TUPAC:
God bless you.
102
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:43,350
(singing happily)
103
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:47,053
Now everyone's favorite:
rinse and spit.
104
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,421
(gargles)
105
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:51,091
And I'm done...
with the top braces.
106
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,059
We'll put the bottoms in
next week.
107
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:56,596
And after that, just a lifetime
of wearing retainers.
108
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,431
Well, they're
practically invisible.
109
00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:00,801
(slurred):
I can't close my mouth.
110
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:03,170
The brackets are holding up
your lips at the edges.
111
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,438
They'll adjust.
The main thing is you're happy.
112
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,174
I'm not happy.
113
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,176
‐Have a little nitrous.
‐(gas whooshes)
114
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:10,343
(giggles)
115
00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:13,847
Oh, they should
revoke your license. Ha!
116
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:14,848
More, please.
117
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,850
‐That's enough.
‐No, it's not!
118
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,451
‐(gas whooshes)
‐Yeah, give me that.
119
00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:21,054
I thought your name is
"Kidzrule."
120
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,390
Shortened from "Kidzrulovitch,"
121
00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:26,526
which is Romanian for
"kill all the children."
122
00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:28,895
(mellow jazz music playing)
123
00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:32,566
(creaking)
124
00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:33,667
(bell dings)
125
00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,502
(lively chatter)
126
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:36,703
HOMER:
Hmm.
127
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,406
That elevator has the capacity
for 32 people!
128
00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:42,275
(sighs) We brought a rhino
up here last week.
129
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,277
HOMER:
Hmm.
130
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,112
‐Hmm.
‐(calf moos)
131
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,849
‐Hmm!
‐My headaches are so bad.
132
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,619
("Flower Duet" playing)
133
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:57,390
ARTIE:
Jealous?
134
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:01,695
Feet.
135
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,396
You're one in a million.
136
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:05,398
Literally.
Don't fall off the roof.
137
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,067
Homer Simpson!
138
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:09,936
The man who beat me
to planet Marge.
139
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,905
You've done all right
for a billionaire.
140
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,773
Hey, I'm not made of money.
141
00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,542
Although, actually I am.
142
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,344
After my parole, I got rich
143
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:19,946
selling fireplace logs
that look like cash,
144
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,015
i.e., Money to Burn.
145
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:24,684
(chuckles)
That is the greatest.
146
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:26,219
It says "Money to Burn."
147
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,221
It looks like
you're burning money!
148
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,823
Yes, that's the idea.
149
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,258
(laughing):
No, no, no.
150
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,326
It's so funny.
Don't you get it?
151
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,428
Of course get it.
I thought of it.
152
00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:38,164
No, no, no.
Listen, it says "Money to Burn,"
153
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,400
but it's actually...
(laughing)
154
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,903
I know! I know!
Talk to someone else.
155
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,438
Hey, pal, you're a news guy.
Give it to me straight.
156
00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,140
Is this wedding on the level?
157
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,242
Here's the scoop.
It's legit!
158
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:52,712
In other news, local newsman
hopes to score with caterer.
159
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,815
This just in:
she knows I'm married.
160
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,851
Coming up at 11:00:
nothing.
161
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,953
Now, Homer,
as this is a bachelor party,
162
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,855
I want to show you something.
163
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,291
But, uh, no word to the wives.
164
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,459
How did you meet your wife,
by the way?
165
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:09,562
Usual: boy meets girl,
girl meets bank account.
166
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:11,464
Now, shut your eyes.
167
00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:14,167
You've never seen a body
this enticing.
168
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,836
(gasps)
Exactly what I imagined!
169
00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:18,838
(grunts, chews noisily)
170
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,025
‐Food coma. He'll be fine.
‐(monitor beeping steadily)
171
00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:23,276
Huh?
172
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:24,444
Hmm.
173
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:26,079
(chews noisily)
174
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,747
‐(flatlining beep)
‐(groans)
175
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:30,684
BOTH:
Hey, girlfriend!
176
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,519
Uh, who, me?
177
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:35,455
Lisa, did you get
your eyebrows waxed?
178
00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:37,357
You look amazing!
179
00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:39,025
I don't have eyebrows.
180
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,561
Well, check out
these twin caterpillars.
181
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,063
Huh? Huh?
182
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:44,564
What's going on?
183
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,967
Her smile makes me feel full,
184
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:49,202
like I actually ate dinner
last night.
185
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,972
If you never eat,
how come you're so fat?
186
00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:53,206
‐(grunts)
‐Ow!
187
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:55,508
Americans can be fat and poor.
188
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:57,677
That's what makes us so great.
189
00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,680
And so, after saving Wilbur,
190
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:03,183
Charlotte crawled off to die,
191
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:07,520
as all barn spiders do
(sniffles) in the fall.
192
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:09,022
(sobs)
193
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,358
Bravo, Lisa.
194
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:14,227
What a positive note
on which to end the class.
195
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,896
(sniffles)
Positive? Positive?
196
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:20,800
Charlotte died alone
at the saddest place on Earth,
197
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:23,169
an empty fairground.
198
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:26,072
Well, your smiling face
made dying alone fun.
199
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:28,641
And believe me,
that's where I'm headed.
200
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,477
So as long as I'm smiling,
201
00:08:30,543 --> 00:08:32,912
it doesn't matter
what comes out of my mouth?
202
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:34,414
Or your nose.
203
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,652
I don't need these anymore.
204
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,790
This'll go good
in Willie's stew.
205
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:48,728
LISA: Can it really be
that people are this shallow?
206
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:52,465
(chanting):
Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!
207
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:55,235
And am I shallow enough
to enjoy this?
208
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:57,137
(gasps) I am!
209
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,638
(straining grunt)
210
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,307
I'm so happy, I could sing!
211
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,409
(sings)
212
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:05,345
♪ Hello, world! ♪
213
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:06,913
Ow, ow, ow.
214
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,982
That really hurts
with the braces.
215
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,985
‐Take your pick.
‐What is it?
216
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,320
No idea.
The labels are in Spanish.
217
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,256
(rhythmic rattling)
218
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,862
‐Hey, gorgeous.
‐Hey, Bart.
219
00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:25,698
Lisa? Oh, yuck!
I didn't know that was you.
220
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:27,434
(coughing, gagging)
221
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,937
It's the smile. It's totally
changed how people see me.
222
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:33,873
Well, I just want you to know,
you'll always be gross to me.
223
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,875
Oh, thank God.
I was having doubts,
224
00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:38,211
trying to figure out
if this is sexist.
225
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,313
And then I found this.
226
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,382
(low, ominous music plays)
227
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,188
(upbeat music playing)
228
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,158
It seems like
ever since the pill,
229
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,994
the workplace has been
full of single women.
230
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:56,696
Here's your coffee, Jim.
231
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,666
Extra sugar,
just how you like it.
232
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:02,469
Hmm. Remind me to get a divorce.
233
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,805
But some women are
having trouble "fitting in."
234
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,807
Well, I can't
figure it out, Jim.
235
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:10,043
I was all prepared
for a big presentation,
236
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,879
but it went over
like a nun at a go‐go bar.
237
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,814
Well, there's one thing
you didn't prepare,
238
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,216
and that's your face.
239
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,485
But I'm wearing a pound
of Mary Kay.
240
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,820
Let me touch your body
and show you the problem.
241
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,555
No need to ask.
242
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,723
Mm.
243
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,425
You've got a secret weapon
244
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,427
sitting in the middle
of your face.
245
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:29,829
Now you're sure
to get that promotion.
246
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:31,564
‐Really?
‐(laughs)
247
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:32,866
No.
248
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:35,668
Ugh! Don't you see
why I hate this?
249
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:37,337
'Cause you hate everything?
250
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:40,573
Because it makes
that jerky old guy right!
251
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,076
I am more popular
because I'm smiling.
252
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,511
Told ya!
253
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:47,080
(growling)
254
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,582
("La Primavera" from Vivaldi's
The Four Seasons playing)
255
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:56,689
Wow. Not a single picture
of Artie.
256
00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:58,825
Maybe he has matured.
257
00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:05,331
Well, I guess being here sort of
ends a chapter in my life.
258
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,800
So, lehayim.
259
00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:10,436
That's odd.
260
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,473
Not one person
from the bride's family.
261
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:17,610
("Bridal Chorus" playing)
262
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,547
Excuse me. We need someone to
walk the bride down the aisle.
263
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:21,781
Could you?
264
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,350
First, tell me one thing:
How long is the aisle?
265
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:25,718
About 20 feet.
266
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,220
All right, I'll do it.
267
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:29,289
But double cake.
268
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,761
(sniffles)
They grow up so fast.
269
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:37,497
I knew this day would come.
(sobs)
270
00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:40,567
You'll always be
my little girl. Mm.
271
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:43,803
If he ever hurts my baby,
I'll kill him.
272
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,772
Oh, for crying out loud.
273
00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:47,941
Friends, family,
274
00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:49,943
I take great delight
in informing you
275
00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:52,612
that the bride and groom
have written their own vows.
276
00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,314
(crowd groans)
277
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:57,417
Stick to the script, amateurs!
278
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:01,254
(ominous music plays)
279
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,689
Oh, my God.
280
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:04,190
This is too weird.
281
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:06,726
Artie, you are
the greatest lover ever.
282
00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:09,629
When we make sex,
it is so, so good.
283
00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:12,131
I can't take this anymore.
We're getting out of here.
284
00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:14,567
Yeah. This is really creepy.
285
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,636
Even the rhino's leaving.
286
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,740
You may now kiss the bride.
287
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,245
(Artie groans)
288
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,647
And this is a picture of us
at our wedding.
289
00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:28,982
You're so happy.
290
00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:30,984
And here's us on our honeymoon.
291
00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:33,152
Two days in Ohio,
two days in Michigan,
292
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:38,124
and, booyah, up to Ontario
for some international flavor.
293
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,325
(chuckles)
294
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:40,827
I'm not happy.
295
00:12:40,893 --> 00:12:43,730
MILHOUSE: I have a drawing of
you saying that in Michigan.
296
00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:45,398
This smile is so wrong.
297
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,033
There's nothing
to be happy about.
298
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,069
The world is a mess,
and so is this school.
299
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:53,206
I mean, how hard is this?
300
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,276
The happy girl put the thing
in the hole!
301
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:02,081
Wait a minute.
302
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:05,518
I could use my new power
to change these things,
303
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,253
use it for good.
304
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,322
♪ ♪
305
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:18,931
(grunting)
306
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,368
Indubitably.
307
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,837
KEARNEY/JIMBO/DOLPH:
Hear, hear! Hear, hear!
308
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:26,706
I can make it happen.
309
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,975
Hurry!
310
00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:37,350
You posers.
311
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,552
I was for Lisa
before it was cool.
312
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,187
You never liked Lisa.
313
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:43,022
What? You got to remember that.
314
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,891
That's my one thing!
315
00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:47,894
No. Your thing is
crying when you're punched.
316
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,562
‐Prove it.
‐(grunts)
317
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,798
Ow! (crying)
318
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:54,300
Aw, you're taking
all the fun out of it.
319
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,602
The polls are in,
and you're doing great.
320
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,014
You're picking up the key group:
girls who don't like Milhouse.
321
00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:00,373
You're big with swing voters,
322
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,342
but the teeter‐totters
could go either way.
323
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:03,876
What about the kids
on the slide?
324
00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:05,144
Eh, they're up and down,
325
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:07,013
but the kids on the monkey bars
are climbing.
326
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,147
That's all I got.
327
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:10,416
Like every election
with one week to go,
328
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,051
this is in the bag.
329
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:13,353
Don't be so sure.
330
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:15,188
I'm up against a tough opponent:
331
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:17,156
Dubya Spuckler.
332
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:19,592
Look at this negative ad he did.
333
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,462
Lisa Simpson says "writin'"
ends with a "G"
334
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,964
and "'rithmetic"
starts with a "A."
335
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:27,033
You know what I say?
336
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:32,105
Don't worry.
You just keep smiling.
337
00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:34,707
Well, I do have an orthodontist
appointment tomorrow
338
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:35,942
for a tune‐up.
339
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:38,444
In the bag, Madam President.
340
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:40,213
Bup, don't be so sure.
341
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:43,116
Hey, I drew a picture
of your inauguration.
342
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:46,386
I don't think
I've ever looked more radiant.
343
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:50,823
(humming)
344
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,826
Okay, kid.
Your bottom braces are on.
345
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,796
(gasps)
What happened to my smile?
346
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,432
No, no, no, this is terrible.
347
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,300
I look like I actually feel.
348
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:03,703
In six months,
you'll have perfect teeth.
349
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,539
Six months?
I have to smile now.
350
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,141
No, I can power through this.
351
00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:09,542
(straining grunt)
352
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,444
Ow. Ow.
353
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,213
Uh, Ralph lost his retainer
in the trash.
354
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,915
What can we, uh, do here?
355
00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:18,217
New ones are $500.
356
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:20,720
Uh, so just what is
this secret mission, Chief?
357
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:23,556
Well, let's just say
you're on retainer.
358
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,625
(chuckling)
359
00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:30,129
♪ ♪
360
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,702
‐Let's see. I'll take this.
‐Aw, stop that.
361
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,972
Aw, come on, Marge.
This minibar is paid for.
362
00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:43,443
Do you know the street value
of this Toblerone?
363
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:45,178
Homer, stop it.
364
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:47,680
I can't help thinking about
that poor woman.
365
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:51,050
Artie only married her
because she looks like me.
366
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,819
I mean, a lot like me.
367
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,987
You're right. We have
to find her and tell her.
368
00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:56,989
But, first,
there's something naughty
369
00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:59,058
I want to do with this bed.
370
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,431
(giggles)
371
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,367
Are you sure we should be here?
372
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:10,169
This is
technically his honeymoon.
373
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:13,439
ARTIE:
Achm! Achm! Achm!
374
00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:16,442
Artie?
375
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:19,045
I'm at the lowest point
of my life!
376
00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:21,113
But come on in.
377
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:25,618
As a woman,
I just want to tell your wife
378
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,520
what's really going on here.
379
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,188
Sure, why not?
380
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,357
Say it to her face!
381
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:32,358
(both scream)
382
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,893
Now you know my secret.
383
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,362
I've spent years trying
to build the perfect copy
384
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:39,432
of the only woman for me:
you, Marge.
385
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,170
But they were all inferior
in some way.
386
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,506
This one lacks kindness.
387
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,341
This one keeps trying
to kill me.
388
00:16:48,407 --> 00:16:50,176
This one's head is a toaster!
389
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,845
And the slots aren't even
big enough for a bagel!
390
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,382
Why would you marry a machine?
391
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:57,550
I didn't.
392
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,385
It was one last trick.
393
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,521
I thought when you saw
how perfect we look together,
394
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:04,190
you would realize
that we were meant to be.
395
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:08,628
I am, as the poet once said,
a dumb schmuck.
396
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,229
‐Artie.
‐Yes?
397
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:11,998
You're not dumb. You're smart.
398
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,833
And I think this crazy project
399
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,002
actually had
some brilliance in it.
400
00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:19,572
Imagine if you use
that noodle for good.
401
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,908
Wow. Wow.
402
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:26,379
Only you could find a pearl
in the flabby oyster that is me.
403
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:28,614
I will become
a better human being.
404
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:29,882
Terrific.
405
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,784
And then you'll love me?
406
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:33,119
No.
407
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:36,756
Well, then, I finally give up.
408
00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,324
Or do I?
409
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:41,861
Aw, damn it.
410
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:46,165
Artie, you and your blue crew
of Margekateers
411
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,000
have done so many good deeds.
412
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,168
What's next?
413
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,237
I'm gonna make one of them
my bride.
414
00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:54,140
Hey, I didn't give you wings.
415
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,042
MARGE BOT:
Life finds a way!
416
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,289
‐Uh, let's quiet down, please.
‐(excited chatter)
417
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,048
The sooner we can
get this debate over,
418
00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:03,849
the sooner the teachers
can get ice cream.
419
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,217
CROWD:
Boo!
420
00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:07,687
None for Seymour.
He gets gassy.
421
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,221
Yeah, I‐I know.
422
00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:12,525
And now we have
a very special moderator,
423
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,628
Governor Mary Bailey.
424
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:18,331
Our first candidate is
Dubya Spuckler.
425
00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:20,833
CROWD (chanting):
Dubya! Dubya!
426
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,001
That's your brother.
427
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,970
He prefers the pronoun "they,"
428
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:27,239
on account of the twin
he absorbed in my belly.
429
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:30,176
Our other candidate is ill,
so she'll be Skyping in.
430
00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:31,744
Lisa Simpson.
431
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:34,180
Lisa, I'm sorry,
what do you have?
432
00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:36,916
What I have is
an agenda for this school,
433
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:39,185
an agenda that looks forward.
434
00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:41,921
I can deliver results,
while my opponent
435
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:44,357
can't even spell "results."
436
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:47,326
Yes, I can.
R‐E squiggly letter,
437
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:48,928
bucket letter, tall man,
438
00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:50,696
little plus sign,
squiggly letter.
439
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,064
‐"Results."
‐(scattered cheers)
440
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,733
That's not how
you spell "results."
441
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,569
(loudly):
Lisa doesn't sound sick at all.
442
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,237
(nervous laugh)
443
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,473
(quietly): You said
you've done this before.
444
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:03,075
It was my machismo talking.
445
00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:09,081
(crowd gasps)
446
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:12,518
(gasps)
Lisa's using a funny‐face app.
447
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:14,987
(panting)
448
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,922
(groans)
449
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,992
Listen, I tried to fool you,
and that was wrong.
450
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,028
This is an abomination!
451
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,030
What are you doing
at a school debate?
452
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:27,667
My illegitimate son goes here.
453
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,835
Oh, the shame.
454
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,837
I still have good ideas.
455
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:34,407
All I hear is "nag, nag, nag."
456
00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:36,842
CROWD (chanting):
Dubya! Dubya!
457
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:39,545
Dubya! Dubya!
458
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:42,348
(groans):
Oh, boy.
459
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,684
I didn't want to believe
my popularity was
460
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,819
based on my stupid smile.
461
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:49,088
(groans):
Oh, but it was.
462
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:51,323
You're just a kid,
and things are changing.
463
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:53,426
In the future,
women will be judged
464
00:19:53,492 --> 00:19:55,661
by what they say,
not how they look.
465
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:59,865
Maybe, but the future is
a really long way away.
466
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:02,301
Told you you should smile more.
467
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,804
The future is now!
468
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,372
(whoops)
469
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:13,588
A toast. I have finally
perfected you.
470
00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:16,415
You all look just like Marge,
and you will never leave.
471
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:20,519
Now, which of you lucky girls
wants to party with Arty?
472
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:25,157
(stilted):
I am in power save mode.
473
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,660
Oh, fine.
What about you two?
474
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:28,961
(stilted):
Power save.
475
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:31,330
(stilted):
One percent battery.
476
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:32,565
Hmm?
477
00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:35,134
I just don't like you.
478
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:38,637
Oh! That counts as a kiss.
479
00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:26,051
Shh!
31105
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