All language subtitles for Party of Five s06e05 The Shortest Distance.eng

I know that they were
having problems,

but to do it over the phone...

It seems kind of cold.

Hey, you mind if I grab
one of these muffins?

Everything in my refrigerator
at home tastes like beer.

Go for it.

I just don't know if we
should judge her, Claud.

Judge who?

Sarah's staying in New York.

What, for how long?
Couple more weeks?

Indefinitely. I mean, she
might not be coming home.

So that's it, she's just gone?

Hey, blueberry muffins.
Anybody mind?

My parents charge me
for breakfast now.

Somebody say somebody's gone?
Who's gone?

Sarah's staying in New York.
She's not coming back.

What? You mean like permanently?

Could be.

Oh, man. Is Bailey freaking?

Hard to tell.

He's been up in his room
ever since he told us...

Packing Sarah's stuff.

Yeesh.

Well, someone should probably
go talk to him, right?

And say what, Will?

Mornin'.

-Hey, buddy -Hey, Bay!

-Hey, Bailey.
-Hey...

Ok. Look, I know what
everybody's thinking...

But it's not like we broke
up or anything, ok.

Sarah's just hanging in New
York for a little while.

And so, we're gonna do
the long distance thing.

-No problem.
-Yeah.

-Great.
-Sure.

I mean, yeah, it's
gonna take some work.

But it's not like
she's gone forever.

And in the meantime, I
get to go to New York,

hang out with her there, and
she's gonna be coming back here.

So really, it's not that bad.

It isn't.

-Whatever you want.
-Course not.

-That's great.
-New York is great.

[theme music playing]

? Everybody wants to live ?

? Like they wanna live ?

? And everybody wants to love ?

? Like they wanna love ?

? And everybody wants to be ?

? Closer to free ?

? Closer to free ?

Good morning.

Bacon?

It's part of your
brand new regimen.

To build up your sperm motility.

Get those swimmers
moving faster.

My sperm?

I'm already working on that.

I gave up beer, I'm
wearing baggier pants.

And that's great. But
there's more you can do.

Like extra caffeine,
vitamins, diet...

Frozen boxers.

Hello...

Dr. Vasquez said to do all this?

No, the Internet did.

Kirsten, the Internet?

I couldn't sleep.

These stupid hormone injections.

So I logged on and I found a
bunch of fertility sites.

Ok, but--

Listen. If our insurance covered
in vitro fertilization,

and you hadn't already taken that
second job to pay for all this,

and I didn't need these
stupid shots twice a day,

believe me, you'd be guzzling beers
in your tights for all I care.

But we have to make this count.
Every try we take.

All right. So caffeine,
this funky bacon--

It's actually dried snake penis.

The Chinese use it for virility.

What?

They have a billion
people in china.

Where did you find
this website--

Wait, you haven't
heard the best part.

Sex twice a day.

Really? They said that?

Keeps the pipes clear.

Should we tick one off
the list right now?

Yeah, as soon as
I get my shot...

And you take a cold shower
and finish your penis.

I'm sorry. This is
just too very creepy.

These guys? They only seem
like they're watching.

I'm not talking about the frogs.
I'm talking about us.

All this hiding and
sneaking around.

I broke up with Alexa. I'm
not going behind her back.

No, I am.

Alexa's my friend.

Ok. Then the way I see it,
you have three choices.

Number one is, we stop
seeing each other.

Really? I mean, what's
choice number two?

Number two is, I tell her.

No. Oh, no. Not that.

She'd hate us both, Cameron.

Ok. So we're back
to option three.

Which is this. Flying
under the radar.

There must be 50 guys
asking her out by now.

Really? You think so?

I know so. I used
to be one of them.

[school bell rings]

I'll see you fifth period?

Go, go.

What are you looking at?

-So check-in's at 7:00...
-Mmm-hmm.

And my contact at the
bookseller's conference

promised up prime
spots on every panel.

Julia. What are you doing here?

Chapter seven hot
of the presses.

Well, you could
have faxed it to me

or given it to me tonight
at the conference.

Yeah. Well, you know, I was just in
the neighborhood. Hey, you shaved.

Oh, yeah. For the panel.

So this is Didi Chen, she's
my Marketing Director.

Didi, this is Julia Salinger.

-Hi.
-[Didi] Nice to meet you.

Was there anything else?

How's your hand?

It's good. I can--

That's not actually what
I wanted to talk about.

Got it. Writer talk.

-Page me.
-Ok.

What's up?

Ok. It's not a big deal.

I just wanna make sure we're ok.

Hmm?

The other night at the
hospital when we--

When I kissed you.

Oh, that.

That's ancient history. I haven't
given it a second thought.

-Oh... -So how did
this chapter turn out?

I know you went back and forth on
that fight with your brothers.

Not even a second thought, huh?

What?

I mean, I'm glad you're
not upset about it.

But I guess I thought-- Well, the
reason that it happened was because

there was something
between us, you know.

Julia...

I mean, we spend millions
of hours together.

And shared all kinds of stories
about each other's lives...

-And you did kiss me back...
-Listen, you're not--

I mean, if I'm wrong,
if I'm way off base--

Ok, I'm gonna stop you. You
know I'm your editor here.

Yeah, I know.

I'm not talking about the book.

Well, maybe you should.

I mean, think about
the situation.

Now I can either
publish you or not.

I've got all the
power between us.

Which when two people work
together and they are not equals--

This kind of thing that
you're alluding to...

It's against all the rules.

Now you do understand
that, don't you?

Sure.

You still didn't
answer my question.

Yes, I did.

My biology final. I
passed, thanks to you.

Good job, Myra.
Congratulations, that's great.

Geometry is on Friday.

I didn't know if maybe
you had some time.

Uh, listen, I can't. I can't.

I've got this thing. I've
started another job.

And it works every
night this week.

Every night?

Ok. I get it.

You're like the papa bird
pushing me out of the nest.

Myra, you're gonna do great. Ok?

You don't even need me.

You know, half of them break
their little necks though.

I mean, I see their
tiny carcasses

splattered on the sidewalk.

But hey...

Myra, listen.

Uh, my sister is
awesome at Math.

I mean, maybe she can help you.

Claudia? Banana girl?

-Banana--
-Republic.

All her friends wear it.

Note, please, the
contrast to me.

She doesn't care
about any of that.

Ok, just wait here one second,

-And I'm gonna go ask her. Ok?
-No. No...

Claudia, hey.

Listen, I need your
help with something.

Stupid piece of crap.

Listen. I'm tutoring one
of your classmates.

Myra Wringler. And she needs
some help with her geometry.

Ringworm? The angriest
student in high school?

You'll be fine.

I thought you loved me, Charlie.

I thought you cared if I lived.

Myra, listen.

Myra, Claudia... Study buddies.
Ok?

Gus.

Charlie, hey.

I loved your scroll work on
those Queen Anne knockoffs.

Well, thanks. Listen...

Don't be modest. Those
are tricky devils.

You nailed 'em.

Listen, I don't wanna
sound ungrateful,

But I was wondering if...

Oh, now. I'm already
paying you $20 an hour.

That's the most I ever
pay a part-timer.

No, no. I don't
want a raise, Gus.

I want some extra hours.

I need at least 30 a week.

I don't have much of a
backlog in orders, Charlie.

I got guys with seniority
here when I do.

Well, I'm sorry, Gus. But I
really need those hours,

or I'm gonna have to
look somewhere else.

[sighs]

All right. You put it that way, ok.
30 hours.

Thanks.

Whatever you're saving
for, I hope you get it.

Me, too.

No, no. Captain Fabulous versus The
Blood Guzzler is the undercard.

You're the promotions
department, you fix it.

No. If Harold finds
out about this...

Hello? Hello?

[grunts] I do not get paid enough.
Don't they know I'm an intern?

You should protest, man.

-Damn straight.
-Don't come in...

For like a week. See what
they do here without you.

Man, I am so ready to do that.

Ok. Then let's go.

-Truck's outside.
-You're funny.

-What truck?
-The truck.

The truck with
Sarah's stuff on it.

Griffin and I are driving
it across country.

Ok, you're losing me here.

I got it all worked out.

Joe's back in town so he's
covering the restaurant,

Victor's got Owen,

And Griffin found some Harley in
Brooklyn he wants to pick up,

So he's coming with me.

All I need, is my wing man.

My navigator.

But 3,000 miles.

You can't just ship it?

It would cost a fortune
to ship all that stuff.

And I was gonna go
visit Sarah anyway,

So I'm saving money on airfare.

Besides, it's a chance for us to see
the whole country, Will. Come on.

I don't know...

You're an unpaid intern.
They owe you.

Yeah. Well, it's not like
they won't let me off.

But don't you think this
is a little insane?

Exactly. That's
exactly what it is.

Because it's exactly what my good
buddy Will told me I should be.

And you were right, man.

It's impulsive, it's spontaneous,
It's totally out there.

Bailey...

Sarah moved across
the country, Will.

I miss her. Your
compadre is in pain.

Now is that any less
important to you than

who's on the undercard
with The Blood Guzzler?

Come on.

What do you say?

I say, uh...

Shotgun.

Right and then I'll see
them all down in the lobby.

-Yeah. Cocktails, sure.
-[knock on door]

Julia. Come on in.

Ok. Well, I'll call you later.

Ok.

-Hi.
-Hi.

So what can I do for you?

Well, I came to talk
to you about the note

you slid under my door.
Chapter seven.

Yeah. I thought there was
some great stuff in there.

Really? I can't tell.

I mean, you crossed out the entire
section on how I made up with Ned.

Well, I thought it was
just a little simplistic.

What do you mean?

Well, this idea that what
smoothed things over was only...

Well, it was only...

-Sex?
-Yeah.

Well, sometimes
that's what it was.

I believe you. It just sends out
a strange message, that's all.

Evan, I'm writing what happened.
I'm not sending a message.

Ok. But we can't ignore how
that affects readers, Julia.

Meaning what?

How do you think
it affects them?

I think that it
might confuse them.

I think that it might
disconnect them from--

Wait. Confuse them or you?

I'm sorry?

It seems you're a
little confused.

Does it bother you, Evan?
The idea of me and sex?

Why would that?

Julia, I hope you're
not still stuck

on that stuff that
happened the other day.

No, no.

Not at all. I'm just
trying to understand.

Cause you might be the only
editor on the planet right now

who's asking the writer
to give them less sex.

But if that's what you want.
You're the boss, I guess.

[door closes]

Ok, no joke. Now I
really have to pee.

We just stopped in Reno.

That was three hours ago.

And I nearly had to chew your
arm off on the donner pass

to get us to a drive-through.

And what's up with you
not letting us gamble?

Come on. Reno's a total cliche.

Yeah. A total cliche with practically
naked cocktail waitresses.

Guys, we're making amazing time.

Eight hours and 17 minutes and we're
already half way through Nevada.

Yeah. That's because we've been
in this truck since 5:30 a.m.

Escaped convicts don't
travel at this pace.

And seriously, you know. You are
pushing the engine pretty hard.

We're carrying a lot
of weight back there.

In addition to the fact-- In case
I failed to make this clear,

my bladder's about to explode all
over Sarah's summer wardrobe.

Look, just hold it in till
we all have to go, ok?

We can't keep stopping if we
want to stay on schedule.

Ok. When did we decide
that we were setting

a transcontinental speed record?

And what happened to
seeing the sights?

We're seeing the sights. Look
out your window. See? Sights.

Ok, listen.

Thursday is my third
anniversary with Sarah.

Ok. It's a very important date.

And I'd really like
us to be together.

Thursday? As in two
days from now?

You want to be in New York city,

the one next to the Atlantic
Ocean, by Thursday?

I got it all worked out.
It's exactly 3,100 miles

from the Bay Bridge to the
George Washington Bridge.

That's 17 hours a day at 60
miles an hour. It's cake.

I mean, look. We've
already covered

more than half of our
mileage quota for day one.

I'll give you 20 bucks if
you say you have to pee.

I have to pee.

Go for it.

Ok, so the angles
always add up to 180.

And so what? Why do I
need to know this?

Claudia?

Tell me you don't
feel bad for her.

Myra... She's my friend.

Come on. I mean, so she
loses the football captain.

So what?

Now it's just who's next, the soccer
captain or the basketball captain?

Hey, Claudia.

Hey.

God, I just wanna cry so bad.

But I can't let him
see me that way.

I know. But you gotta
forget about Cameron.

I'm trying. I'm trying.

I mean, you're gonna
meet someone else.

In about five minutes.

You know what? This person,
they're gonna be better.

I mean they're gonna
be better for you.

I don't know.

I don't know if that's true.

I mean... Cameron...

He is so hard to know.

I mean, he's got
so many secrets.

I mean, it took him like
a year to let me in.

But after he did--

I mean, who else will I
ever have that with?

-Claudia.
-Hi.

What are you doing here?

I just... Cameron, I just...

I kind of need to talk to you.

I wish you'd called first.

I know. I'm really sorry.

But I couldn't say
this over the phone.

[Karl] Cam, your mom
says dinner's ready.

Cameron, this may seem weird
and you know, kind of sudden,

but I was thinking--

Cam? Oh, hello.

Hi.

I didn't realize you
had a lady friend.

[Cameron's mom] Karl?
We'd better hurry.

Well if you'll excuse me.
Duty calls.

Your dad, he seemed
like a pretty nice guy.

He is. Only he's not here.

My buddy Karl is not my dad.

My dad works late.

Karl and my mom... Hang out.

-Wow. I-- -Look you don't
have to say anything, ok.

I mean, that's what I do.
Say nothing.

That way they get to
think I don't know.

Look, I gotta go eat.

You were telling me something.

It can wait.

Ok. I'll see ya.

Ok.

Wow.

You look--

Oh, god. I'm sorry I'm late.

All right candles, ok...

All right just
give me 30 seconds

to get this turpentine
off my skin.

Hurry up.

So, I got Gus to give
me some more hours.

Ten on top of the 20
that I already had.

That should pretty
much cover the I.V.F.

Which just leaves the meds.

[sighs]

I've been dreaming
about this all day.

You know what? I'm reading.

A minute ago you were
like, "Come hither."

You blinked. I had a hot flash.

End of story.

Wow.

It's just a mood swing. Ok?

The shots can do that.

This doesn't mean I'm depressed.

My doctors are monitoring
me incredibly closely.

I'm just...

I'm just irritable.

So don't give me that look.

Ok.

But, Kirsten. I mean,
what about the...

The twice a day thing?

I mean I took my pills, I
wore my frosty boxers,

And there's still that...
You know.

Handle it yourself.

I'm going to sleep.

I can't tell for sure, but I think
the cylinder head may be cracked.

All right. Well, you're a mechanic.
Fix it.

I can get us to the next town,

but if it's the cylinder head,
we're gonna need some parts.

That's great. That's just great.

I'm a new man.

Let's hit the road.

Not tonight.

We're not getting any farther
than the nearest hotel.

Even better.

All right. As long as we're
back on the road by 8:00 a.m.

We should be ok.

That may be a little optimistic.

I don't care if we have to
replace the whole engine.

We're staying on schedule.

Bailey, I know you're a man with a mission.
But let's face facts.

There's no way in hell we're
gonna make New York by Thursday.

-We have to. -Sarah's not
gonna care if you're a day

or two late. Just
give her a call.

-I can't do that.
-[Will] Why not?

Because she doesn't
know I'm coming.

Wait. Help me out here.

We're driving 3,000 miles and
Sarah has no idea you're coming?

No.

Well, what if we get
there and she's gone?

What do you plan on
doing with her stuff?

This isn't just about her stuff.

Come on, you guys.

You really think that I would drive 3,000
miles just to bring her, her stuff?

Then why are you?

I have to surprise her.

-Surprise her.
-Yes.

I'm making a statement.
I'm proving a point.

So she can't say no.

No to what?

No to coming back home.

I'm gonna bring Sarah back home.

Anyway, I'm sorry to come
by without calling first,

But we ran out of dipies.

[baby crying]

Oh, it's ok.

And money too.

Because I didn't get your check
yet, which is no biggie.

Would you go get her drool-proof
duckie book? It's in the bathroom.

Yes, I can do that.

So anyway, since my landlord's
relaxed about the rent.

Calm down, you know.

Go visit the red Buddha
of limitless lights...

The ten worlds, you know?

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

Are you trying to make
a baby with Kirsten?

What? No. Why would
you think that?

Uh, maybe your cobra penis.

And then of course there's this.

Uh...

-We were keeping it a secret.
-Mmm-hmm.

But, yeah.

We're doing it in vitro.

You know, where you
take the eggs out and--

Oh, yeah. No, I totally know about them.
My friend Angie did that.

Yeah. Well, it's just,
it's kind of stressful.

And expensive which is why we've
been acting a little weird lately.

No, no, you totally
don't have to explain.

Which is why we've
been keeping it quiet.

You know. Because all
that stuff plus it's...

It's still a real long shot.

Charlie, I think it's awesome.

You do?

I do.

It's awesome.

And hey. You know, as long
as we're sharing good news,

I should tell you
that I got a job.

-You did?
-Yeah.

That's great. Why didn't
you say anything?

'Cause I didn't want
to jinx it, you know.

So as of pretty soon, I'm completely
off your list of worries.

Gotta order the part from
my supplier in Casper.

Take two days to get
it here, minimum.

That's if I give it a rush.

Look, man. If this is
just some kind of scam

to jack up the price
of the repair--

How's that?

Excuse us a second.

Bailey, you need to
lighten up here, ok.

We're in the middle of
god-knows-where Wyoming.

We're lucky this
guy's got a phone--

He's gonna cost us two
extra days, Will.

You keep pissing him off and he's
gonna cost us a lot more than that.

We'll end up on the
back of a milk carton.

I don't have time
to screw around.

Bailey, you need to like, take a
breath, all right? You're scaring me.

Well, you know what?
I'm scared too, Will.

This whole thing that I'm doing
with Sarah-- This whole trip here.

It's a long shot, ok.
I know that.

But I don't know any other way.

She has to see me.

And maybe she'll hear
what I have to say.

And decide not to
come home with me.

But I have to try.

Now, last up...

Slated for a mid-winter
first printing,

a memoir by the very talented young
writer sitting next to me here,

Julia Salinger.

[applause]

Julia takes a frank look at the social
and familial context that led her

to stay in an abusive
relationship.

She tries to offer some
answers to women like her,

whether they've suffered abuse--

Actually, I'm not saying
that I have any answers.

It's one woman's story told
from both sides of the problem,

to give illumination
and hope to people--

I'm sorry, can I just...

I'm sorry, I just wanna clarify.

I'm not saying that
I have any answers.

Please don't be
looking for that.

I'm just trying
to tell my story.

And hopefully that'll
make people think.

That's all.

I believe the sample chapter
that you've been given

will clarify how the
book speaks to people--

Actually, you know what?
Just one more thing...

What Evan just said. You guys are
the first people to read this.

So any reactions that you
have I would love to hear.

Especially any women--

I'm sorry, should I be
waiting till you're done?

Go ahead.

Hi. What's your question?

[chattering]

Yes.

Hey.

How you doin'?

How's the studying coming?

Are you asking me as a friend?

'Cause if that's the case,

if I'm your so-called friend...
I'm not so sure.

What are you talking about?

Here. Next time you lend your
geometry textbook to someone,

make sure you check it
for notes and stuff.

What's in here?

Cameron. He's in your
geometry class, right?

Yeah. I guess
that's who "c" was.

He's the one that scribbles
places for you to meet,

And things like, "Hey,
does 'a' know?"

"A" being Alexa, I assume.

You proud of me, teacher?
I figured it out.

Can I borrow you
just for a minute?

Sure. I'm sorry.

Listen, the next time you're trying
to hijack a panel like that,

try to give me a warning, ok?

I know. I'm sorry.

Because I didn't spend all those hours
writing a marketing presentation

just to hear myself talk.

I know. You're right.

These people need to leave here

with a clear idea of what
those books are about, Julia.

Right.

Well, one person definitely
heard what I was saying.

Who?

Me.

Look, don't get me wrong. I'm not
saying you haven't added a ton,

but all along, the
way we've worked

is I let you tell me how
to write this book.

You asked me to edit you.
That is all that I did.

I know. Evan... I'm
blaming myself.

The thing is, sitting on that
stage, facing all those people,

it's like a light
went off in my head.

I've been looking for someone to tell
me what this book should sound like,

and now I know, I
finally realize,

this book should sound like me.

So thank you. Because
what you said

about having all the power
between us, you were right.

You've been trying to tell me
to take control, and now I am.

This book is finally mine
again, and that feels great,

so thank you.

Charlie?

It's midnight.

You were supposed
to be home at 9:00.

Well... Gus had an
order for end tables.

Next-day delivery.
I had to stay,

Or I would've lost the hours.

I'm gonna go get undressed.

Kirsten, wait a minute.

I can't. Ok?

I'm just-- I'm too out of it.

Charlie, we have to.

I really don't want to, ok?
I'm totally beat.

I just gotta take a
shower and go to bed.

A hot shower?

'Cause you know,
it's supposed to--

Could you please not
do that right now?

You know, this isn't
easy on me, either.

When I got off work tonight...

I got in my truck, and I sat
there, and I thought...

"Now I have to go home and
have sex with my wife."

And, man, I mean, for
a split second there,

I had the urge to go
back in there and work.

Like... I'd rather
go back in there

and make another end table

than to come home and
make love to my wife.

I mean...

We're making a baby here, Kirsten.
This is supposed to be fun.

And it just... It just feels bad

to be working on
making a baby with you

and catching myself
wondering why.

We're all set.

I got another shop to
messenger the parts,

So we should be back
on the road by noon.

What?

What?

-Will and me... -We're thinking
of catching a bus back home.

What? You what?

I don't get it. You
guys are baggin' on me?

Bailey, this trip...

Suddenly, it's nothing
it was supposed to be.

Why, because we're not stopping to
see the world's tallest thermometer?

That's part of it.

Look, there's plenty of time to do all
that stuff on the way back, you guys.

Yeah, maybe so,
but, I don't know.

Will, hey... You're
the one who told me

that I should take
some chances, right?

That I shouldn't
play things safe.

So now I'm taking your advice,
and you're bailing on me?

You know, maybe that's
why this feels so wrong.

'Cause you're standing there acting
like this is you taking risks,

But the truth is, this is
you chasing after Sarah,

trying to hold on.

You're, like, scared to
let anything change.

No. You know what?
This is a joke.

Me taking relationship
advice from you two guys.

We're not trying--

When Julia left for
Stanford, what did you do?

You let her go. You totally
tanked on your own marriage.

And you, what's the longest
you've ever hung in with a girl?

A month? Maybe two?

Or you just get 'em pregnant
and dump 'em on somebody else?

God, Bail-- I can't believe
you would go there!

Leave it's not worth it.

Maybe that's you guys,
but I don't do that.

I don't walk away from people.

I don't quit on my girlfriend,

and I don't quit on my friends.

So I'm quitting on you?
Leaving work,

driving thousands of
miles to hear this?

I'm gonna make sure Sarah
knows that I'm still here.

I'll make sure so she
can't walk away.

Take a look around, man.

She already has.

[knock on door]

Hang on.

Ok. You know, I have been
walking around this hotel

for three hours, trying to
figure out what is going on.

I've worked with
hundreds of authors,

-And none of them--
-Evan.

No. There are rules, Julia, ok?

There are things that you do, and
there are things you don't do.

I'm sorry what are
you talking about?

How am I supposed to...

It's not just...

I'm sorry.

-Wow. I thought we weren't...
-I know.

This wasn't... That's not...

No. You know what? Shh...

[man] Order up...

Look, we were talking, and...

We're thinking that...

We changed our minds.

We wanna keep going.

Hit the big apple with you.

Go the distance, all right?

You guys know how far
we still have to go?

Through, like... Eight
or nine more states.

We've just been through
three, and already...

We've broken down... Fighting...

We've had all these
problems, and there's...

That still leaves eight.

Sarah is so far away.

She's so far away.

-Hey!
-Hey.

I was just on my way
to pick up the baby,

and, actually, I could use
a little favor from you.

I was hoping you could watch
her for just a little while

'cause I have to find
a job, like, today.

Look, Daph. You know I
love you, but I can't.

Bailey's got me here 24-7,
cooking, cleaning, shopping.

He needs to learn that I'm a
caregiver, not a house cleaner.

Soon as that man gets back
from wherever the hell--

Then are you saying you're not
at your place very often?

No. Why?

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

But I could sublet my place
for some extra money

if I had a place to stay
for just a little bit.

Isn't Charlie helping you out?

No.

Not anymore. I told
him I was fine.

But you're broke.

I know that. But he's--

He's got his own
family now, Victor.

I have to learn to
not lean on people.

As soon as I finish leaning
on you first. Please?

-Please?
-Ok.

Thank you Victor! I love you!
I love you! I love you!

Keep it clean.

Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.

Wait a minute.

What are you--

Are you breaking up with me?

I really like you, Cameron.
I mean, I really do, but...

I see Alexa, and I run into
Alexa thousands of times a day.

So, basically, you're
picking her over me.

What? No, I'm not.

You are.

Cameron, I'm not picking anyone.

Unless...

Maybe I'm picking myself.

When I first realized
how upset Alexa was,

I felt bad for her, and then
when I was at your house,

I felt bad for you.

I was never this kind
of person, Cameron.

I was never the one who said, "Hey.
All's fair in love and war."

I don't know. Maybe it means
I'll grow old all alone.

I can't do something that makes
me feel this bad about myself.

I just can't.

Salinger. Charles.

I have a date with the hamster.

I'm leaving a sample.

A sample of...

You know. My sperm.

Have you been here before, Mr.
Salinger?

For a consultation.

Not for--

Down the hall. Cubicle 9.

Ok.

What about...

Something to read or something.

Everything you need
is in the room.

[knock on door]

It's taken.

Hey. I've only been in
here for about 30 seconds.

Ok?

Kirsten...

What's going on?

You were wondering why.

This is why.

[Julia] Hey.

You ok?

I'm fine.

I know that look, Evan.

You get it whenever you
read something that stinks,

and you're afraid to tell me.

I don't know.

It's just...

Can't help thinking...

You know there were
so many reasons.

There were good reasons.

And I just...

Is this a mistake?

You know what? I
don't know either.

But the thing is--

I feel good.

Don't you?

Well, yeah, you know. Sure.

-But, you know...
-Evan.

How do you feel?

I feel good.

[sighs]

Let's go home.

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