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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.SubtitleDB.org today 2 00:01:51,052 --> 00:01:55,045 Hey, show some respect, you homeless piece of shit! 3 00:01:59,694 --> 00:02:04,631 Okay, I am going to tell you a story now about how people... 4 00:02:04,699 --> 00:02:09,602 like that sad, pathetic prick back there, found happiness. 5 00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:12,969 But it is not a happy story, okay? 6 00:02:13,041 --> 00:02:18,570 I mean, why do people think that life should always be happy? 7 00:02:18,646 --> 00:02:23,549 Because when I was a little boy, my mother sang me a song. 8 00:02:23,618 --> 00:02:25,552 It went like this.: 9 00:02:25,620 --> 00:02:28,453 Life is short. Life is shit. 10 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,549 And soon it will be over. 11 00:02:31,626 --> 00:02:36,325 But for you, my friends, this story is just beginning. 12 00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:23,005 Some days it's dark 13 00:03:25,913 --> 00:03:28,177 Some days I work 14 00:03:30,618 --> 00:03:32,745 I work alone 15 00:03:34,822 --> 00:03:37,655 I walk alone 16 00:03:41,129 --> 00:03:43,290 Unknown 17 00:03:48,503 --> 00:03:50,334 Sweetness 18 00:03:53,174 --> 00:03:55,165 Oh, my God. 19 00:03:57,778 --> 00:03:59,268 Laughter 20 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:04,478 Or not 21 00:04:47,695 --> 00:04:49,253 Mr. November. 22 00:05:06,147 --> 00:05:09,139 Mr. December. 23 00:05:21,796 --> 00:05:24,196 Hi, kids. Where's your father? 24 00:05:24,265 --> 00:05:27,598 He's upstairs masturbating to gay porn. 25 00:05:27,668 --> 00:05:29,158 - Again? - Yeah. 26 00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,472 - Hey, kids. - Hey, Dad. 27 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:37,637 I was just taking a shower. Yep, just had myself a shower. 28 00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:39,145 Shower? 29 00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:41,340 Honey, you're home! 30 00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:45,518 Wally, you're hurting me. 31 00:05:45,586 --> 00:05:48,885 I'm just so glad you're home. 32 00:05:49,957 --> 00:05:52,482 Baby, get in the vehicle. 33 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,051 I'm not getting in that vehicle! 34 00:05:55,129 --> 00:05:57,063 Baby, this is my gift to you. 35 00:05:57,131 --> 00:05:59,326 What? Gift? 36 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,426 It's not a gift. You freaking stole this. 37 00:06:02,503 --> 00:06:04,437 I stole it to make it up to you. 38 00:06:04,505 --> 00:06:06,268 Then tell me this. 39 00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:10,367 How can you sleep with my best friend and then tell me about it? 40 00:06:10,444 --> 00:06:13,880 Sure I told you, but don't shoot the messenger. 41 00:06:13,948 --> 00:06:16,508 You can say good-bye to this! 42 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,779 No, baby. You know I need that. 43 00:06:18,853 --> 00:06:22,812 Wave bye-bye, baby. Never any more Romeo. 44 00:06:22,890 --> 00:06:24,881 How about a farewell one, baby? 45 00:06:24,959 --> 00:06:29,589 I'll see ya in my dreams, you cheating, lying, backstabbing freak! 46 00:07:05,833 --> 00:07:10,497 I'm sorry, I don't understand German. 47 00:07:34,528 --> 00:07:37,622 I can't go on. This is bullshit! 48 00:07:43,537 --> 00:07:47,439 Grivo! Grivo! 49 00:09:07,836 --> 00:09:10,566 I think I just may have something. 50 00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:18,638 Easy, easy, Patient 957. 51 00:09:18,714 --> 00:09:21,080 And open. 52 00:09:21,149 --> 00:09:23,481 What will this do? 53 00:09:24,820 --> 00:09:27,914 Well, what it does is... 54 00:09:27,990 --> 00:09:30,254 reaches into your brain, chemically... 55 00:09:30,325 --> 00:09:34,819 and locates your happiest memory, chemically. 56 00:09:34,896 --> 00:09:39,162 Then locks on to that emotion and freezes it, chemically... 57 00:09:39,234 --> 00:09:42,067 and then it keeps your happy happy. 58 00:09:43,005 --> 00:09:46,441 Chris? She's depressed, not stupid. 59 00:09:48,343 --> 00:09:51,176 Come on, just take it. 60 00:09:51,246 --> 00:09:53,180 All right. 61 00:10:21,710 --> 00:10:23,143 Coming! 62 00:10:25,947 --> 00:10:28,848 - Merry Christmas. Kiss Grandma. - Presents! 63 00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:31,283 That's all right. 64 00:10:31,353 --> 00:10:34,516 Sorry we were a few hours late. The kids hate old people. 65 00:10:34,589 --> 00:10:37,285 That's all right as long as we're all together now. 66 00:10:37,359 --> 00:10:41,227 - Good point. How's your health? - Good.Just some sciatica. 67 00:10:41,296 --> 00:10:44,390 These action heroes are from last year, dummy! 68 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,233 I hear Dad's dead. Is that eggnog? 69 00:10:48,303 --> 00:10:52,000 Yeah. Have yourself a glass. I gotta check on the bird. 70 00:10:52,074 --> 00:10:54,304 I thought we'd have yams this year. 71 00:10:54,376 --> 00:10:58,142 I got a Butterball. Last year's was so dry. 72 00:10:58,213 --> 00:11:00,147 They're the best-- 73 00:11:00,215 --> 00:11:03,616 Gotta go. Come on, kids, in the car. 74 00:11:05,587 --> 00:11:09,023 Sorry, Mom, we gotta go. Hey, you got that gift for my mom? 75 00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:12,219 Oh, yeah. Merry Christmas, Mother Hurdicure. 76 00:11:12,294 --> 00:11:15,058 - Thanks. I wonder what that is. - It's a harmonica. 77 00:11:15,130 --> 00:11:17,621 Well, see ya next year. 78 00:11:17,699 --> 00:11:20,998 Oh, that was lovely. 79 00:11:26,274 --> 00:11:28,208 Look, she's smiling. 80 00:11:28,276 --> 00:11:31,404 - She is. - Oh, my. 81 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:35,712 Calm down.Just calm down. 82 00:11:35,784 --> 00:11:37,479 Calm down! 83 00:11:38,754 --> 00:11:40,779 How do you feel, Patient 957? 84 00:11:44,860 --> 00:11:49,854 Like a fresh towel drying on the line on a summer's day. 85 00:11:49,931 --> 00:11:53,697 Oh, I feel like a little worm... 86 00:11:53,769 --> 00:11:56,966 peeking its head out of the ground after a rainstorm... 87 00:11:57,038 --> 00:11:58,972 and seeing no robin. 88 00:12:03,378 --> 00:12:06,438 I feel like God's rubbing my tummy! 89 00:12:06,515 --> 00:12:11,680 I haven't felt this happy since my son came to visit at Christmas. 90 00:12:13,789 --> 00:12:16,485 - This could be it. - It's a strong ""maybe.'' 91 00:12:16,558 --> 00:12:18,287 It could be it. 92 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,294 Jesus Christ! 93 00:12:20,362 --> 00:12:22,762 I think we got it! Yeah! 94 00:12:23,832 --> 00:12:26,596 And who are you? 95 00:12:26,668 --> 00:12:28,363 Just a guy. 96 00:12:52,227 --> 00:12:54,559 We're commencing final approach. 97 00:12:56,498 --> 00:12:58,728 Any clue as to his mood today? 98 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,860 I'm sorry, I can't get a sense of his mood. 99 00:13:01,937 --> 00:13:03,734 Sock color? 100 00:13:03,805 --> 00:13:05,432 Red socks. 101 00:13:06,942 --> 00:13:09,410 Red socks! Red socks! 102 00:13:12,047 --> 00:13:13,480 Red socks! 103 00:13:21,623 --> 00:13:23,386 Let's keep going. 104 00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:25,153 Let's work together. 105 00:13:34,936 --> 00:13:36,733 Good morning, Don. 106 00:14:09,070 --> 00:14:10,628 Good morning, Don. 107 00:14:10,705 --> 00:14:13,731 Didn't we say good morning yesterday, Marv? 108 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,814 Yeah, I guess we did, Don. 109 00:14:22,550 --> 00:14:24,609 Don, how did the board of directors' meeting go? 110 00:14:32,827 --> 00:14:35,523 Can I have the room for a minute? 111 00:14:35,597 --> 00:14:37,189 Everybody out! 112 00:14:53,548 --> 00:14:55,641 My empire is... 113 00:14:55,717 --> 00:14:57,412 crumbling! 114 00:15:01,423 --> 00:15:03,983 Right. Everyone back in. 115 00:15:18,106 --> 00:15:21,507 To answer your question, Natalie... 116 00:15:21,576 --> 00:15:24,409 the board of directors was a little concerned... 117 00:15:24,479 --> 00:15:27,676 that we didn't have a ""Back to School'' drug or ""Christmas'' drug. 118 00:15:27,749 --> 00:15:30,183 We didn't have an ""International Women's Day'' drug. 119 00:15:30,251 --> 00:15:31,775 Exactly. 120 00:15:31,853 --> 00:15:36,847 I tried to remind them that when I invented Stummies... 121 00:15:36,925 --> 00:15:39,052 Yes, Don, thank God that you did. 122 00:15:39,127 --> 00:15:41,391 it took both time and effort. 123 00:15:41,463 --> 00:15:45,365 But unfortunately, the board takes a narrow view. 124 00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:49,392 And in their own narrow way, they think the company is losing money. 125 00:15:49,471 --> 00:15:52,406 Which in fact we are, but I think this is the narrow view. 126 00:15:52,474 --> 00:15:56,774 Damn them, Don! What the hell do they know? 127 00:15:56,845 --> 00:16:01,248 They're insisting we cut our research outlay by 60%. 128 00:16:03,218 --> 00:16:05,550 Of course I told them to fuck off. 129 00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:08,612 Good for you, Don! 130 00:16:08,690 --> 00:16:12,421 But out loud I said I'd consider it. 131 00:16:12,494 --> 00:16:15,258 Exactly the right thing to do-- play with them. 132 00:16:15,330 --> 00:16:17,127 Where are we with that? 133 00:16:18,099 --> 00:16:19,532 With what, Don? 134 00:16:19,601 --> 00:16:21,694 Our restructuring plan. 135 00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:24,000 The thing you just mentioned just now? 136 00:16:24,072 --> 00:16:25,505 Yeah. 137 00:16:25,573 --> 00:16:27,939 We're on top of that. 138 00:16:28,977 --> 00:16:30,410 Good. 139 00:16:31,579 --> 00:16:33,534 Are we ever gonna get the big table in here... 140 00:16:33,668 --> 00:16:37,069 or do I have to cut that fucking tree myself? 141 00:16:37,138 --> 00:16:41,074 I'll get right on that. Okay, number one. 142 00:16:42,744 --> 00:16:44,177 Open. 143 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:56,580 No. It's been two weeks, and I don't feel any different. 144 00:16:56,657 --> 00:16:58,989 All I've done is gain eight pounds. Now, what's in this? 145 00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:02,052 A little of this and a little of that. Open. 146 00:17:02,130 --> 00:17:05,588 It's sugar, isn't it? I'm in the placebo group. 147 00:17:05,666 --> 00:17:09,067 Well, loose lips sink ships. Open. 148 00:17:09,137 --> 00:17:12,834 No! My face tells me it's sugar. 149 00:17:15,176 --> 00:17:17,110 Thank you. 150 00:17:17,178 --> 00:17:20,147 You're not allowed to do that to me. 151 00:17:36,731 --> 00:17:39,131 Doctor! Alice! 152 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,601 Just a second, I'm ready-- 153 00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:44,638 Oh, yeah! 154 00:17:44,705 --> 00:17:47,230 - How are you feeling, 957? - Pardon? 155 00:17:47,308 --> 00:17:49,299 How are you feeling, Mrs. Hurdicure? 156 00:17:49,377 --> 00:17:52,869 Excellent. Just a little dizzy. 157 00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:57,179 You're not suffering from any mood swings or bouts of depression? 158 00:17:57,251 --> 00:18:01,051 Oh, no mood swings. But I'm a little dizzy. 159 00:18:02,056 --> 00:18:03,990 And how's your appetite? 160 00:18:04,058 --> 00:18:07,824 Excellent, though I am a little dizzy. 161 00:18:07,895 --> 00:18:09,954 - Thank you. - Okay. 162 00:18:14,068 --> 00:18:16,468 Here we go again. 163 00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,503 This urine is great! 164 00:18:19,574 --> 00:18:22,737 The liver function test came back completely clean, totally clean. 165 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:25,677 I told you! The goddamn drug works. 166 00:18:25,746 --> 00:18:28,544 Yes, I know the early results have been... 167 00:18:28,616 --> 00:18:32,746 oh, favorable, I guess is the word. 168 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,412 - What? - Come on! 169 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:37,219 Slow down. Remember we got lots more testing to do. 170 00:18:37,291 --> 00:18:39,623 Guys, maybe Chris is right. 171 00:18:41,596 --> 00:18:43,029 Dr. Cooper? 172 00:18:43,097 --> 00:18:45,065 Dr. Chris Cooper? 173 00:18:45,133 --> 00:18:46,600 Yes, sir? 174 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,693 Could you spare five minutes, please? 175 00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,540 We're just gonna step upstairs for a moment, okay, Chris? 176 00:18:59,614 --> 00:19:03,106 The vultures are flying in today. 177 00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,379 There's a lot of shit going down. 178 00:19:05,453 --> 00:19:08,911 It's carnage. They're cuttin' all the fat. 179 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:22,897 - I heard Don's been shot. - Don's been shot? 180 00:19:22,970 --> 00:19:25,336 I heard we've been bought out by the Japanese. 181 00:19:25,406 --> 00:19:28,239 Hey, I just heard that the Japanese have been shot! 182 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:35,249 I don't wanna go! Let me keep my monkeys! 183 00:19:35,316 --> 00:19:40,777 I don't care what happens to me, but please let me keep my monkeys. 184 00:19:44,192 --> 00:19:45,750 What's going on? 185 00:19:45,826 --> 00:19:47,885 Nothing's going on. 186 00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:53,693 This is just an informal chat. 187 00:19:53,768 --> 00:19:56,293 We were wondering what you were working on in your lab. 188 00:19:56,370 --> 00:19:58,930 I've invented a pill... 189 00:19:59,006 --> 00:20:02,339 that gives worms to ex-girlfriends. 190 00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:06,507 Right, and what's positive about that? 191 00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:11,848 It's a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends. 192 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:15,912 Could it also give worms to ex-boyfriends? 193 00:20:15,990 --> 00:20:18,823 This is a drug for the world... 194 00:20:18,893 --> 00:20:22,158 to give worms to ex-girlfriends! 195 00:20:23,631 --> 00:20:26,794 Well, great. Thanks for stopping by. 196 00:20:29,904 --> 00:20:32,202 You just don't get it here! 197 00:20:45,086 --> 00:20:49,546 I've been working on a thing. It's sort of like Stummies. 198 00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:53,287 Go on. I like what I hear so far. 199 00:20:53,361 --> 00:20:55,693 It's exactly like Stummies. 200 00:20:55,763 --> 00:20:57,697 And the twist is? 201 00:20:57,765 --> 00:20:59,699 It's a much bigger pill. 202 00:20:59,767 --> 00:21:03,168 I like a lot. Is it ready for production? 203 00:21:03,237 --> 00:21:05,000 Yes, it's ready to go. 204 00:21:05,072 --> 00:21:06,733 Any side effects. 205 00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:09,105 Yes, sir, a few side effects. 206 00:21:09,176 --> 00:21:13,704 That's okay. As long as there are no ""flipper babies,'' right, Don? 207 00:21:18,886 --> 00:21:23,050 Well, there have been a few flipper babies. 208 00:21:27,895 --> 00:21:32,662 It was only a couple of flipper babies! 209 00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:37,297 I'm starting to-- 210 00:21:37,371 --> 00:21:40,340 It'd be better if you didn't. 211 00:21:56,957 --> 00:22:00,723 Dr. Cooper, please have a seat. 212 00:22:10,504 --> 00:22:13,632 This is just an informal chat. 213 00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:16,268 Would you like a Stummies? There's some in front of you. 214 00:22:16,344 --> 00:22:18,403 Thank you very much. 215 00:22:22,450 --> 00:22:26,045 So, how's your family? 216 00:22:27,355 --> 00:22:30,552 I don't really have a family per se. 217 00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:35,320 So what are you working on? 218 00:22:35,396 --> 00:22:40,163 Well, as you know, I am working on a drug that will cure depression. 219 00:22:43,337 --> 00:22:45,168 Go on. 220 00:22:45,239 --> 00:22:48,470 I really don't have my notes with me. 221 00:22:50,678 --> 00:22:54,045 Apparently I do have my notes with me. 222 00:22:54,115 --> 00:22:57,846 The results have been very positive. 223 00:22:57,918 --> 00:22:59,613 Is it ready? 224 00:22:59,687 --> 00:23:03,282 Oh, um, well-- 225 00:23:04,225 --> 00:23:06,750 If it's not ready-- 226 00:23:06,827 --> 00:23:08,818 It's not that it isn't ready, sir. 227 00:23:08,896 --> 00:23:11,660 It's that we have so much more testing to do. 228 00:23:11,732 --> 00:23:13,165 Dr. Cooper... 229 00:23:13,234 --> 00:23:16,169 is it ready or not? 230 00:23:34,221 --> 00:23:37,190 I got great news! They're going ahead with the drug! 231 00:23:37,258 --> 00:23:38,919 What? 232 00:23:38,993 --> 00:23:42,224 There are things I have to do. Lots of things to do. 233 00:23:42,296 --> 00:23:44,526 But you said there was more testing to do. 234 00:23:44,598 --> 00:23:47,658 Well, people say things. 235 00:23:47,735 --> 00:23:50,329 Hmm, fascinating! 236 00:23:51,205 --> 00:23:55,628 Isn't it early in the research phase to be releasing a new drug? 237 00:23:57,197 --> 00:24:02,032 Simon, we can't be too ""by the bookie'' about this testing. 238 00:24:02,102 --> 00:24:03,399 That's better. 239 00:24:03,470 --> 00:24:07,372 Besides, Baxter here said the drug worked, and we all trust Baxter. 240 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,374 - Don't we? - It's just that-- 241 00:24:09,442 --> 00:24:13,674 Alice, are you saying you don't trust Baxter? 242 00:24:13,746 --> 00:24:15,236 No, I-- 243 00:24:16,549 --> 00:24:18,676 - What gives? - Yeah. 244 00:24:18,751 --> 00:24:21,242 They were gonna close our lab if we didn't have a drug. 245 00:24:25,125 --> 00:24:29,391 Come on! We might be releasing the most effective antidepressant ever! 246 00:24:29,462 --> 00:24:30,929 It is a good drug. 247 00:24:30,997 --> 00:24:32,430 Yeah, but-- 248 00:24:32,499 --> 00:24:33,591 Yeah! 249 00:24:33,666 --> 00:24:36,567 Come on, let's celebrate! 250 00:24:42,609 --> 00:24:45,009 Who wants another drink? Chris? 251 00:24:45,078 --> 00:24:49,913 Another drink? Alice, you're in? Another one? 252 00:24:49,983 --> 00:24:52,076 Baxter? One more. 253 00:24:52,152 --> 00:24:54,382 Chris? Okay. 254 00:24:54,454 --> 00:24:57,514 Wait. Chris, another? 255 00:24:57,590 --> 00:25:00,423 Good. Chris, you're in? 256 00:25:00,493 --> 00:25:02,358 Come on, Alice? 257 00:25:02,428 --> 00:25:04,157 Another drink, right? 258 00:25:04,230 --> 00:25:06,630 - You're not sure? - Come on. 259 00:25:06,699 --> 00:25:09,463 All right, Alice is having one. And, Chris? 260 00:25:09,536 --> 00:25:11,936 You're having a drink. All right. 261 00:25:15,375 --> 00:25:17,639 All right, hang on. Baxter? 262 00:25:24,584 --> 00:25:26,609 Hey, look! 263 00:25:26,686 --> 00:25:32,090 I am an elephant rider. Do you like that? 264 00:25:36,029 --> 00:25:38,623 My father suffered from depression. 265 00:25:41,067 --> 00:25:44,594 Chris, I never knew that. 266 00:25:45,672 --> 00:25:47,264 Yep! 267 00:25:59,485 --> 00:26:00,918 Hello, son. 268 00:26:03,089 --> 00:26:05,819 Did you clean the house while your old man was at work? 269 00:26:05,892 --> 00:26:07,757 Yep! 270 00:26:07,827 --> 00:26:09,419 Good, good. 271 00:26:09,495 --> 00:26:11,963 Did you clean under the fridge? 272 00:26:16,135 --> 00:26:20,765 What about the gun? Did you give the gun a good cleaning? 273 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,741 - Yep! - Good boy. 274 00:26:54,907 --> 00:26:57,398 Holy Mother, my foot! 275 00:27:00,380 --> 00:27:02,314 My other foot! 276 00:27:02,382 --> 00:27:07,012 Two hours later, he hit a vital organ and died. 277 00:27:08,721 --> 00:27:11,713 I never knew that, Chris. 278 00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:16,555 No! This is wrong. 279 00:27:16,629 --> 00:27:18,756 We're scientists. 280 00:27:27,907 --> 00:27:30,102 Excuse me. The bill. 281 00:27:51,397 --> 00:27:53,558 Could you spare five minutes? 282 00:28:04,977 --> 00:28:08,003 Respectfully, shut the fuck up. 283 00:28:14,654 --> 00:28:16,781 You're not a plate of croissants. 284 00:28:19,192 --> 00:28:20,784 No, I'm not. 285 00:28:20,860 --> 00:28:24,318 Then can you get me something to eat before I chew my fuckin' hand off? 286 00:28:27,300 --> 00:28:32,135 No, no, this is Dr. Chris Cooper. He's the inventor of the drug. 287 00:28:32,205 --> 00:28:34,605 Thank you for inventing a marvelous drug. 288 00:28:35,475 --> 00:28:38,205 This is Cisco. He's head of marketing. 289 00:28:38,277 --> 00:28:40,336 We were having a little jam session... 290 00:28:40,413 --> 00:28:43,940 and we wondered what your thoughts were on orange. 291 00:28:47,987 --> 00:28:49,284 For what? 292 00:28:49,355 --> 00:28:51,823 The color of the drug. Duh! 293 00:28:55,828 --> 00:28:59,924 Well, the actual color of the drug in its nonsynthesized state... 294 00:28:59,999 --> 00:29:02,194 is kind of a bluish hue. 295 00:29:02,268 --> 00:29:05,704 Great. So orange it is then? 296 00:29:05,772 --> 00:29:07,831 Yeah? Okay. Yeah, I think that's good. 297 00:29:10,610 --> 00:29:12,544 Could we get back to work? 298 00:29:22,522 --> 00:29:25,116 It's all happening so fast. 299 00:29:25,191 --> 00:29:28,160 Okay, I won't call for a week. 300 00:29:28,227 --> 00:29:29,489 What? 301 00:29:29,562 --> 00:29:31,189 I understand. 302 00:29:31,264 --> 00:29:34,062 Oh, good. 303 00:29:40,807 --> 00:29:42,741 Is something wrong? 304 00:29:47,947 --> 00:29:50,177 Oh, God, are you all right? 305 00:29:50,249 --> 00:29:54,310 I'm fine. I'm fine. I needed the exercise. 306 00:29:55,621 --> 00:30:00,320 Dr. Cooper. Dr. Chris Cooper. 307 00:30:00,393 --> 00:30:03,829 I was actually coming to see you. Do you remember me? 308 00:30:05,798 --> 00:30:08,699 Of course. You're 957. 309 00:30:08,768 --> 00:30:11,999 Dr. Cooper, because of you and your marvelous drug... 310 00:30:12,071 --> 00:30:14,972 I'm out of the old folks home and on my own again. 311 00:30:15,041 --> 00:30:18,704 I'm even working part-time as a nude art model. 312 00:30:18,778 --> 00:30:24,307 Oh, I haven't felt this good since they said, ""It's not malignant.'' 313 00:30:24,383 --> 00:30:27,716 God bless you and your important work. 314 00:30:36,295 --> 00:30:38,286 Bluish hue. 315 00:30:44,604 --> 00:30:49,598 Okay, I was driving around last night in my $62,000 car... 316 00:30:49,675 --> 00:30:53,236 trying to think of a name for the drug, and suddenly it hit me. 317 00:30:53,312 --> 00:30:54,404 The name? 318 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:56,448 No, a bird hit my windshield. 319 00:30:57,750 --> 00:31:00,548 When that happened, I got depressed. 320 00:31:00,620 --> 00:31:03,145 - Not you, Cisco. - Yeah, even me. 321 00:31:03,222 --> 00:31:05,713 But as soon as I got depressed, I got ""undepressed''... 322 00:31:05,791 --> 00:31:09,158 'cause as I was cleaning the gleaming guts off my windshield... 323 00:31:09,228 --> 00:31:12,561 I thought of the name for the drug-- Gleemonex! 324 00:31:15,668 --> 00:31:17,829 The slogan? 325 00:31:19,372 --> 00:31:24,002 Gleemonex makes you feel like it's 72 degrees in your head... 326 00:31:24,076 --> 00:31:26,135 all the time. 327 00:31:40,426 --> 00:31:42,951 The drug is approved. Next. 328 00:32:28,274 --> 00:32:31,675 I used to live on the street. 329 00:32:31,744 --> 00:32:36,545 Had cardboard bum from sleeping on cardboard. 330 00:32:36,616 --> 00:32:39,551 Then Jesus-- 331 00:32:39,619 --> 00:32:44,147 I mean Dr. Cooper gave me his drug. 332 00:32:44,223 --> 00:32:46,748 Now I'm more productive. 333 00:32:48,127 --> 00:32:51,460 I'm a security guard with a gun. 334 00:32:59,772 --> 00:33:01,865 Hi! Welcome to the Nina Bedford Show. 335 00:33:01,941 --> 00:33:05,399 I'm Nina Bedford. Do you like my new outfit? 336 00:33:09,382 --> 00:33:10,542 Happiness. 337 00:33:10,616 --> 00:33:13,414 Can it be bought in the form of a pill? 338 00:33:13,486 --> 00:33:16,717 On today's Nina Bedford Show we're talking to Dr. Chris Cooper... 339 00:33:16,789 --> 00:33:20,190 the inventor of the new wonder drug Gleemonex. 340 00:33:25,565 --> 00:33:29,524 Dr. Cooper, tell us about this new happy drug. 341 00:33:29,602 --> 00:33:31,695 How does it make people feel? 342 00:33:31,771 --> 00:33:35,605 Well, Nina, what we like to say around the lab... 343 00:33:35,675 --> 00:33:38,508 is that it makes people feel like it's... 344 00:33:44,083 --> 00:33:46,278 7 2 degrees in the head all the time. 345 00:33:46,352 --> 00:33:48,411 We don't say that. 346 00:33:48,488 --> 00:33:50,786 We could start. 347 00:33:50,857 --> 00:33:53,018 Sounds like L.A. 348 00:33:54,961 --> 00:33:56,826 Okay. Questions. 349 00:33:56,896 --> 00:33:58,454 Yes, sir, you. 350 00:33:59,465 --> 00:34:04,562 I want to be a scientist just like you. What's your advice? 351 00:34:08,207 --> 00:34:10,198 Work hard and stay in school. 352 00:34:11,978 --> 00:34:14,913 Good advice. Anyone else? Yes, ma'am. 353 00:34:14,981 --> 00:34:16,915 All the way up here. 354 00:34:16,983 --> 00:34:18,951 How big is your house? 355 00:34:19,018 --> 00:34:21,111 Yeah, how big is your house? 356 00:34:21,187 --> 00:34:25,783 Actually I live in a small apartment. 357 00:34:28,261 --> 00:34:31,560 Next question. Yes, you, ma'am. 358 00:34:32,698 --> 00:34:35,690 Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Tom Jones? 359 00:34:35,768 --> 00:34:37,497 We think you do. 360 00:34:39,005 --> 00:34:42,566 Doesn't anyone wanna know how the drug works chemically? 361 00:34:43,509 --> 00:34:46,137 Stand up and wiggle your hips for us. 362 00:34:46,212 --> 00:34:48,146 - No, I couldn't. - Come on! 363 00:34:48,214 --> 00:34:51,513 Ladies, don't you wanna see him wiggle his hips? I do. 364 00:34:54,754 --> 00:34:56,688 I'm more of a scientist than a wiggler. 365 00:34:56,756 --> 00:34:58,485 Get up! 366 00:35:10,169 --> 00:35:13,661 He does look like a young Tom Jones. 367 00:35:20,213 --> 00:35:22,511 When we come back... 368 00:35:22,582 --> 00:35:26,018 we're gonna give Dr. Cooper a compete makeover. 369 00:35:26,085 --> 00:35:28,110 Chris, wiggle us out! 370 00:35:28,187 --> 00:35:31,486 Soak it up, you ugly sponge. 371 00:35:31,557 --> 00:35:34,287 You go, Dr. Chris! 372 00:35:44,003 --> 00:35:47,803 Did you see that Nina Bedford Show this morning? 373 00:35:47,873 --> 00:35:50,899 Yeah, that thing about toast fucking. 374 00:35:52,411 --> 00:35:53,742 Toast fucking? 375 00:35:53,813 --> 00:35:57,510 It's a new thing where you fuck or get fucked with toast. 376 00:35:57,583 --> 00:36:01,349 The show this morning was about that new drug. 377 00:36:02,888 --> 00:36:05,118 Must've been a dream I had. 378 00:36:07,193 --> 00:36:09,024 I hope so. 379 00:36:10,196 --> 00:36:12,391 Pitter patter, let's get at her. 380 00:36:12,465 --> 00:36:14,729 Hang on a second. I gotta drain the snake. 381 00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:16,597 Drain the snake. 382 00:36:29,915 --> 00:36:31,439 Lights off, asshole. 383 00:36:31,517 --> 00:36:34,077 Cop! Run! 384 00:36:42,895 --> 00:36:44,522 Freeze! 385 00:36:44,597 --> 00:36:47,259 I'm your nightmare, mister! Freeze! 386 00:36:52,638 --> 00:36:54,435 Freeze! 387 00:36:57,310 --> 00:36:58,777 I got one. 388 00:36:58,844 --> 00:37:02,473 - Officer-- They stole my wallet. - Down. 389 00:37:02,548 --> 00:37:06,006 Down on the ground. Get down on the ground. 390 00:37:06,085 --> 00:37:08,383 We always win. 391 00:37:10,589 --> 00:37:12,921 Would you step out of the car, please, sir? 392 00:37:14,093 --> 00:37:16,823 It's all a big misunderstanding. 393 00:37:16,896 --> 00:37:19,387 Like a Three's Company episode. 394 00:37:19,465 --> 00:37:22,400 Somebody came in the wrong door and all hell broke loose. 395 00:37:22,468 --> 00:37:23,901 Doreen! 396 00:37:25,004 --> 00:37:27,564 Oh, Wally. 397 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,631 We didn't charge him. 398 00:37:29,709 --> 00:37:32,906 We thought bringing him home bare naked was punishment enough. 399 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,776 Were the handcuffs totally necessary, Officer? 400 00:37:36,849 --> 00:37:40,376 Actually, that was your husband's idea. 401 00:37:41,687 --> 00:37:44,554 Thanks for dropping him off. Good night. 402 00:37:44,623 --> 00:37:49,060 I don't understand how a man can get up to these park shenanigans... 403 00:37:49,128 --> 00:37:52,154 with a lovely piece of ass like yourself waiting at home. 404 00:37:54,467 --> 00:37:57,334 Thank you, I guess. 405 00:37:57,403 --> 00:37:58,802 You're welcome. 406 00:37:59,805 --> 00:38:03,138 Honey, I think you've got a right to know what happened. 407 00:38:03,209 --> 00:38:05,803 - Wally, please don't. - No, no, no. 408 00:38:05,878 --> 00:38:09,245 I went out driving, because as you know I love driving... 409 00:38:09,315 --> 00:38:11,840 when suddenly I had to take the biggest pee in the world. 410 00:38:11,917 --> 00:38:14,147 So I saw this washroom. 411 00:38:14,220 --> 00:38:16,916 I stopped in, but it was full of those ""types.'' 412 00:38:16,989 --> 00:38:20,322 You know, queers and queens. 413 00:38:20,393 --> 00:38:22,884 So one of them tried to kiss me... 414 00:38:22,962 --> 00:38:26,728 and I said, ""No! No, no.'' 415 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,133 But he just kept kissing me. Why would he do that? 416 00:38:32,638 --> 00:38:35,766 Well, didn't you tell me that you had... 417 00:38:35,841 --> 00:38:38,605 gripped him by the buttocks and pulled him closer? 418 00:38:38,677 --> 00:38:42,613 Yes, but that was 'cause I was concerned that he might fall. 419 00:38:42,681 --> 00:38:47,015 Doctor, his pants were down around his goddamn ankles. 420 00:38:52,191 --> 00:38:55,058 Doctor, why do those-- you know-- 421 00:38:55,127 --> 00:38:58,358 those ""types'' keep thinking that I'm one of them? 422 00:38:59,465 --> 00:39:03,458 Because you are one of them. 423 00:39:04,336 --> 00:39:06,702 You are gay. 424 00:39:06,772 --> 00:39:10,503 You are gay. You are a homosexual. The opposite of straight. 425 00:39:10,576 --> 00:39:14,400 You're gay. I know it, your family knows it. Dogs know it! 426 00:39:14,534 --> 00:39:16,934 Everyone seems to know it except you! 427 00:39:17,003 --> 00:39:19,062 Why am I not aware of it? 428 00:39:19,138 --> 00:39:21,163 It's called denial. 429 00:39:23,476 --> 00:39:26,343 Look, Doctor, are you just gonna sit there... 430 00:39:26,412 --> 00:39:30,439 and spew psychiatric mumbo jumbo at me all day? 431 00:39:35,521 --> 00:39:39,013 No, I'm just gonna write you a prescription... 432 00:39:39,092 --> 00:39:41,151 for the drug. 433 00:39:41,227 --> 00:39:42,660 The drug? 434 00:39:42,729 --> 00:39:45,289 Yes. Gleemonex. It's new. 435 00:39:45,365 --> 00:39:49,199 I don't normally like to do this, but you're a special case. 436 00:39:50,169 --> 00:39:52,729 Will I still be in denial? 437 00:39:52,805 --> 00:39:58,175 No, it's to be hoped that you'll just be gay. 438 00:40:00,546 --> 00:40:02,480 - Casey's on it. - Futura's on it. 439 00:40:02,548 --> 00:40:04,413 - Robbie's on it. - Seven's on it. 440 00:40:04,484 --> 00:40:06,418 -Josh is on it. - Sky is on it. 441 00:40:06,486 --> 00:40:08,681 Of course Sky is on it. Sky's on everything. 442 00:40:08,755 --> 00:40:11,019 - Yeah, including you. - Once! 443 00:40:11,090 --> 00:40:12,648 Yeah, well? 444 00:40:13,459 --> 00:40:16,860 It's made from monkey come, you know. 445 00:40:18,431 --> 00:40:19,864 Pardon me? 446 00:40:19,933 --> 00:40:24,495 The drug. It's made from monkey come. 447 00:40:24,570 --> 00:40:29,030 They keep these monkeys locked in a room all day. 448 00:40:29,108 --> 00:40:31,338 Then they make them jack off. 449 00:40:31,411 --> 00:40:36,849 Then they take the come and boil it. That's what the drug is made of. 450 00:40:36,916 --> 00:40:39,248 Ah! They make them jack off? 451 00:40:39,319 --> 00:40:43,688 Oh, yeah, they show them this animal pornography. 452 00:40:43,756 --> 00:40:48,716 Really kinky stuff like two dogs making love with a cat... 453 00:40:48,795 --> 00:40:50,922 or a bat and a pig. 454 00:40:50,997 --> 00:40:52,555 That's bullshit! 455 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,693 You two, out of my cab! 456 00:40:56,769 --> 00:40:59,033 I don't like that kind of language. 457 00:40:59,105 --> 00:41:02,768 - You're obviously not on it. - Move it out of here! 458 00:41:02,842 --> 00:41:05,174 You're not getting dollar one, you ugly man! 459 00:41:05,244 --> 00:41:08,475 I don't give a crap, you stupid slinky whore! 460 00:41:14,420 --> 00:41:18,117 -Is he coming out? -I hear he's too depressed to go on. 461 00:41:18,191 --> 00:41:20,489 It's gonna be amazing, eh? 462 00:41:50,256 --> 00:41:52,247 Hold it! 463 00:41:52,325 --> 00:41:54,452 I wanna talk about drugs. 464 00:41:54,527 --> 00:41:56,290 Heroin! 465 00:41:56,362 --> 00:41:58,091 No, not heroin. 466 00:41:58,164 --> 00:41:59,927 Speed! 467 00:41:59,999 --> 00:42:02,092 No, not speed. 468 00:42:02,168 --> 00:42:03,533 Hashish! 469 00:42:03,603 --> 00:42:06,697 No, not even hashish. 470 00:42:08,241 --> 00:42:10,436 Horse tranquilizers? 471 00:42:11,544 --> 00:42:14,069 Not horse tranquilizers. 472 00:42:14,147 --> 00:42:17,583 I just heard about this new drug that makes you happy. 473 00:42:18,651 --> 00:42:20,312 I just wanna say-- 474 00:42:27,927 --> 00:42:29,656 Fuck happy! 475 00:42:51,417 --> 00:42:52,679 Well, Marv... 476 00:42:52,752 --> 00:42:54,743 are they in? 477 00:43:01,894 --> 00:43:05,261 Yes, Don, the grosses are in. 478 00:43:07,066 --> 00:43:08,966 Well? 479 00:43:09,035 --> 00:43:11,094 I think it's important to remember... 480 00:43:11,170 --> 00:43:14,003 these things are never as bad as they may seem at first. 481 00:43:14,073 --> 00:43:18,840 The data can be interpreted in many ways. Bear that in mind. 482 00:43:18,911 --> 00:43:23,007 There are a lot of ways of interpreting the data. 483 00:43:29,622 --> 00:43:31,590 You son of a bitch. We're number one. 484 00:43:33,860 --> 00:43:35,293 I got you! 485 00:43:36,295 --> 00:43:38,695 You son of a bitch! We beat penicillin! 486 00:43:38,764 --> 00:43:42,393 We kicked penicillin's sorry ass! 487 00:43:43,936 --> 00:43:46,734 Could I have the room for a second, you son of a bitch? 488 00:43:46,806 --> 00:43:49,297 Yes, Don, I understand. 489 00:43:55,815 --> 00:43:59,012 We beat penicillin! 490 00:44:14,934 --> 00:44:16,697 Mr. November. 491 00:44:16,769 --> 00:44:19,670 He's hot. 492 00:44:34,053 --> 00:44:36,146 Mr. December. 493 00:44:36,222 --> 00:44:39,214 He likes it hot. 494 00:44:46,899 --> 00:44:51,131 You are scum! Do you hear me, soldier? 495 00:44:51,204 --> 00:44:52,694 Yes, sir! 496 00:44:52,772 --> 00:44:54,706 Do you know what we are going to do today? 497 00:44:54,774 --> 00:44:55,866 No, sir! 498 00:44:55,942 --> 00:44:59,173 We are going to be doing push-ups all day! 499 00:44:59,245 --> 00:45:01,941 You and me, all day! 500 00:45:03,282 --> 00:45:06,274 -Do you think that's funny, soldier? -No, sir! 501 00:45:06,352 --> 00:45:10,846 You will be doing those push-ups with me lying on your back! 502 00:45:10,923 --> 00:45:15,883 You are going to discover muscles you never knew you had! 503 00:45:15,962 --> 00:45:18,658 Big muscles! 504 00:45:18,731 --> 00:45:20,961 Hard muscles! 505 00:45:21,033 --> 00:45:23,263 Oh, yes, sir! 506 00:45:31,410 --> 00:45:32,570 Guess what? 507 00:45:33,779 --> 00:45:35,041 I'm gay! 508 00:45:46,559 --> 00:45:48,527 I'm gay! 509 00:45:48,594 --> 00:45:50,027 He's gay! 510 00:46:15,021 --> 00:46:17,421 Did you hear the news He's gay 511 00:46:17,490 --> 00:46:21,085 I was straight and now I'm gay I think the drug made me that way 512 00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:24,186 He's gay, he's gay, he's gay 513 00:46:30,169 --> 00:46:36,005 I'm gay 514 00:46:45,451 --> 00:46:47,385 Who cares? 515 00:46:57,574 --> 00:47:01,169 These are fakes. Get outta here! 516 00:47:01,244 --> 00:47:02,802 Scram! 517 00:47:05,682 --> 00:47:07,616 Thank you. Have a good evening. 518 00:47:10,186 --> 00:47:13,519 I think that's him, the inventor of the drug. 519 00:47:18,595 --> 00:47:21,621 My God, Mr. Roritor's house is amazing. 520 00:47:25,268 --> 00:47:27,236 When I was a little girl, I used to-- 521 00:47:27,303 --> 00:47:31,296 Chris, can I see you? It'll just take five minutes. Great. 522 00:47:31,374 --> 00:47:33,638 They're talking about us. 523 00:47:35,879 --> 00:47:39,178 - Someone would like to meet you. - Oh, really? 524 00:47:41,785 --> 00:47:44,618 Hi, Doctor. I'm ""Cancer Boy.'' 525 00:47:46,089 --> 00:47:48,023 What would you like to say to the doctor? 526 00:47:49,025 --> 00:47:52,324 I'd like to thank you for your marvelous drug. 527 00:47:52,395 --> 00:47:55,125 Are you on it, Cancer Boy? 528 00:47:55,198 --> 00:48:00,431 No, there is no hope for me. But my parents are on it. 529 00:48:02,072 --> 00:48:05,235 They were so very low, not just because of me... 530 00:48:05,308 --> 00:48:09,836 but because my brother was born with his heart outside of his body. 531 00:48:11,848 --> 00:48:14,009 - Is that a fact? - Yeah. 532 00:48:15,452 --> 00:48:17,443 Nice to make your acquaintance. 533 00:48:19,389 --> 00:48:20,822 Sorry, sorry. 534 00:48:20,890 --> 00:48:23,723 That's okay. My marrow is just low. 535 00:48:27,030 --> 00:48:31,194 Chris, you've been ignoring Don. You really should speak with him. 536 00:48:36,573 --> 00:48:39,098 Each day's a gift. 537 00:48:39,175 --> 00:48:41,905 Did you see? 538 00:48:41,978 --> 00:48:43,969 The doctor and me, did you see? 539 00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:58,484 Hi, Chris. Come in. 540 00:48:58,561 --> 00:49:00,153 I'm almost done. 541 00:49:01,331 --> 00:49:03,026 Thank you, Marv. 542 00:49:05,268 --> 00:49:07,736 Could you do it harder? 543 00:49:08,872 --> 00:49:10,430 Little softer. 544 00:49:10,507 --> 00:49:12,532 Right, in circles. 545 00:49:12,609 --> 00:49:15,100 Less in circles. 546 00:49:18,615 --> 00:49:20,810 But more in circles. 547 00:49:20,884 --> 00:49:22,681 Right. 548 00:49:27,257 --> 00:49:29,885 Great. Done. Head scratch, Chris? 549 00:49:29,959 --> 00:49:31,392 No, thank you, Don. 550 00:49:31,461 --> 00:49:33,088 You sure? 551 00:49:33,163 --> 00:49:35,097 Thanks. Good job. 552 00:49:36,065 --> 00:49:37,999 Can I get you anything else? 553 00:49:38,067 --> 00:49:41,298 Grappa, wine, cappuccino, tickets to a Lakers game? 554 00:49:41,371 --> 00:49:43,965 - No, thanks. - Are you sure? 555 00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:46,065 What about cheesecake? 556 00:49:46,142 --> 00:49:48,201 Double-A batteries? 557 00:49:48,278 --> 00:49:50,212 Land in Montana? 558 00:49:52,015 --> 00:49:53,107 No, thank you. 559 00:49:57,487 --> 00:50:01,548 I offer you these, but they'll be yours anyway. Do you understand? 560 00:50:04,561 --> 00:50:07,325 - Did Marv talk to you? - Yes, he did. 561 00:50:07,397 --> 00:50:08,989 Good. So you know. 562 00:50:10,633 --> 00:50:12,567 Know what? 563 00:50:12,635 --> 00:50:15,661 That we're applying for your drug to be nonprescription. 564 00:50:18,074 --> 00:50:22,067 But my drug is for the clinically depressed. 565 00:50:22,946 --> 00:50:24,914 Chris, you've invented... 566 00:50:24,981 --> 00:50:29,042 a marvelous drug, and right now only certain people can have access. 567 00:50:29,118 --> 00:50:32,212 We think that everyone should have access to it. 568 00:50:32,288 --> 00:50:36,019 Like ghetto children. Apparently their lives are horrible. 569 00:50:36,092 --> 00:50:38,959 Did you read that thing in the Times? 570 00:50:39,028 --> 00:50:42,361 You want ghetto children to be happy, don't you, Chris? 571 00:50:42,432 --> 00:50:45,128 - Sure, Don, but-- - Of course you do. 572 00:50:45,201 --> 00:50:48,728 There may be some papers to sign, that's if this thing happens. 573 00:50:48,805 --> 00:50:51,330 But it might not happen. You know how these things are. 574 00:50:51,407 --> 00:50:53,500 But I really think-- 575 00:51:00,283 --> 00:51:02,581 That was supposed to be fixed. 576 00:51:02,652 --> 00:51:04,244 Come on, Chris. 577 00:51:16,399 --> 00:51:19,698 Hang on, I'll introduce you around. Everyone! 578 00:51:23,906 --> 00:51:28,400 This is Chris Cooper. He's the inventor of our new drug. 579 00:51:33,850 --> 00:51:35,977 As some of you know... 580 00:51:36,052 --> 00:51:39,351 the drug is going nonprescription, which is good. 581 00:51:39,422 --> 00:51:40,855 That's it. 582 00:51:44,527 --> 00:51:45,960 What's this? 583 00:51:46,029 --> 00:51:48,020 This is the real party. 584 00:51:59,309 --> 00:52:01,106 Where's Chris? 585 00:52:01,177 --> 00:52:03,270 I don't know. I haven't seen him in a while. 586 00:52:03,346 --> 00:52:05,280 - He's over here. - What? 587 00:52:05,348 --> 00:52:07,282 He's on this monitor. 588 00:52:11,187 --> 00:52:13,155 Wow. Who's she? 589 00:52:15,124 --> 00:52:16,557 Cute! 590 00:52:21,130 --> 00:52:24,293 She must be another scientist. 591 00:52:48,358 --> 00:52:53,489 So, Chrissie, does this mutt say, ""Gleemonex for pets''? 592 00:52:54,263 --> 00:52:55,662 Sort of. 593 00:52:55,732 --> 00:52:58,599 You know, I don't even know if he looks happy... 594 00:52:58,668 --> 00:53:00,898 of if he would even take the drug. 595 00:53:00,970 --> 00:53:03,336 You don't like, Chris? 596 00:53:03,406 --> 00:53:04,873 It's just that-- 597 00:53:04,941 --> 00:53:09,241 I have this dog in my head, and I haven't see it yet. 598 00:53:09,312 --> 00:53:11,109 Right. Right. 599 00:53:12,281 --> 00:53:15,273 I gotta see more dogs. I gotta have more dogs. 600 00:53:15,351 --> 00:53:19,117 This is a dog disaster. I gotta see more dogs! 601 00:53:19,188 --> 00:53:20,621 Nat? 602 00:53:21,724 --> 00:53:24,522 - My cup is luke. - Luke warm, Chris? 603 00:53:24,594 --> 00:53:27,062 No, Luke Skywalker, you fuckin' inbred! 604 00:53:32,869 --> 00:53:34,302 Tasty. 605 00:53:48,584 --> 00:53:51,052 Grivo! Grivo! 606 00:53:56,526 --> 00:53:58,517 Hold it. 607 00:53:58,594 --> 00:53:59,788 Heroin! 608 00:53:59,862 --> 00:54:01,295 No, not heroin. 609 00:54:01,364 --> 00:54:04,731 I have a new song. I wrote it in the park. 610 00:54:12,208 --> 00:54:14,142 Happiness and sunbeams 611 00:54:14,210 --> 00:54:16,303 And cute little puppy dogs 612 00:54:16,379 --> 00:54:20,568 These are the things that I've seen with my heart 613 00:54:20,702 --> 00:54:24,604 Life is a happy game if you don't forget to smile 614 00:54:24,672 --> 00:54:26,196 But every now and then your face 615 00:54:26,274 --> 00:54:28,674 Fuck! He's on the drug. 616 00:54:28,743 --> 00:54:30,768 It harbors a frown 617 00:54:30,845 --> 00:54:32,039 You suck! 618 00:54:32,814 --> 00:54:37,012 Sadness is a barnacle clinging to your bright boat 619 00:54:37,085 --> 00:54:41,021 You won't let it sink your spirits if you'll only learn to float 620 00:54:41,089 --> 00:54:45,082 We are all sea captains sailing on life's rough seas 621 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:48,596 Come on you Magellans Come with me 622 00:54:48,663 --> 00:54:51,188 I've got pie 623 00:54:51,266 --> 00:54:52,699 Happiness pie 624 00:54:53,568 --> 00:54:57,527 Happy tailors, happy workers happy farmers, happy girls 625 00:54:57,605 --> 00:55:01,701 Happy widowers, happy freelance artists happy welders, happy world 626 00:55:01,776 --> 00:55:05,735 happy drinkers, happy thinkers happy musicians, happy beauticians 627 00:55:05,814 --> 00:55:11,411 Happy mayors, happy pairs happy call girls, happy hula boys 628 00:55:13,955 --> 00:55:16,981 Happiness pie 629 00:55:17,058 --> 00:55:20,858 Pie 630 00:55:29,871 --> 00:55:32,863 Happiness pie 631 00:55:36,845 --> 00:55:41,714 The winner of the World Video Award for best new contemporary song... 632 00:55:41,783 --> 00:55:44,343 Grivo! 633 00:55:48,256 --> 00:55:49,382 Thank you. 634 00:55:49,457 --> 00:55:51,618 I'd like to thank my fan base. 635 00:55:51,693 --> 00:55:53,661 We did it. 636 00:55:53,728 --> 00:55:55,662 Smile. It's free. 637 00:56:06,174 --> 00:56:08,335 He's the inventor of the wonder drug, Gleemonex. 638 00:56:08,409 --> 00:56:10,104 She's a super supermodel! 639 00:56:10,178 --> 00:56:14,308 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Clemptor and Dr. Chris Cooper. 640 00:56:21,823 --> 00:56:25,759 Writing a hit song is a real science. 641 00:56:25,827 --> 00:56:28,387 Well, you should know, Chris. 642 00:56:32,734 --> 00:56:34,759 And now, the award... 643 00:56:34,836 --> 00:56:39,535 for the best new rap, hip-hop or folk act-- 644 00:56:40,975 --> 00:56:44,741 And the first nominee is Cancer Boy. 645 00:56:44,812 --> 00:56:46,143 Yummy. 646 00:56:46,214 --> 00:56:49,342 From his new album, Whistle When You're Low. 647 00:57:08,469 --> 00:57:10,937 Chris! Chris! 648 00:57:35,897 --> 00:57:38,627 Thank you! 649 00:57:38,700 --> 00:57:42,864 I would've killed myself if not for you! Can I have an autograph? 650 00:57:42,937 --> 00:57:46,395 Sure. Should I sign along the scar? Put her there! 651 00:57:46,474 --> 00:57:49,739 Chris Cooper signed my scar! 652 00:57:52,480 --> 00:57:54,175 I love you, man. 653 00:57:57,252 --> 00:57:59,720 Something's in my eye! 654 00:58:01,256 --> 00:58:02,883 Fucking bird! 655 00:58:25,947 --> 00:58:28,916 Chris, do you want me to get it? 656 00:58:28,983 --> 00:58:30,746 No, I'm... 657 00:58:32,954 --> 00:58:34,387 favorable. 658 00:58:34,455 --> 00:58:37,083 Would one of you ladies get the door? 659 00:58:46,334 --> 00:58:48,894 Oh, hello. 660 00:58:48,970 --> 00:58:50,562 What do you want? 661 00:58:50,638 --> 00:58:53,539 Is your uncle here? 662 00:58:53,608 --> 00:58:55,075 Uncle? 663 00:58:59,414 --> 00:59:01,348 Right. 664 00:59:03,051 --> 00:59:05,246 Uncle Chris! 665 00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:09,416 Uncle? What, are we gonna play another game, 'cause-- Alice! 666 00:59:09,490 --> 00:59:11,822 What are you doing here? 667 00:59:11,893 --> 00:59:14,521 There's something wrong with little Signund. 668 00:59:14,595 --> 00:59:17,496 Chris, can we order some chicken wings? 669 00:59:17,565 --> 00:59:18,998 Get a receipt. 670 00:59:19,067 --> 00:59:20,694 What do you mean ""wrong''? 671 00:59:21,769 --> 00:59:24,761 He's in some sort of coma. 672 00:59:24,839 --> 00:59:26,329 Let me see. 673 00:59:27,241 --> 00:59:31,541 I think little Signund's locked in his happiest memory. 674 00:59:31,612 --> 00:59:33,739 I see a mouse thinking, Alice. 675 00:59:33,815 --> 00:59:37,273 That's it. We're breaking up. 676 00:59:39,620 --> 00:59:43,556 Alice, you seem a little upset and pretty deluded. 677 00:59:45,293 --> 00:59:50,094 I just think you should seriously consider taking my drug. 678 00:59:52,734 --> 00:59:54,167 Women! 679 00:59:55,002 --> 00:59:56,902 Not you two. 680 00:59:56,971 --> 01:00:00,998 I was in love with you. I could have anyone. 681 01:00:01,075 --> 01:00:03,270 I'm beautiful! 682 01:00:08,850 --> 01:00:10,818 We almost kissed. 683 01:00:18,292 --> 01:00:22,729 When will you girls sign that form that says last night never happened? 684 01:00:51,793 --> 01:00:53,727 It's all yours, Captain. 685 01:01:42,944 --> 01:01:44,935 Go on, make your move. 686 01:02:11,122 --> 01:02:12,214 957? 687 01:02:12,289 --> 01:02:13,722 Mrs. Hurdicure! 688 01:02:38,215 --> 01:02:40,581 Cat on my head! 689 01:03:12,650 --> 01:03:14,481 Hey, you kids! 690 01:03:14,552 --> 01:03:17,988 Get away from there! Get out from under that lady's dress! 691 01:03:21,125 --> 01:03:23,787 Mrs. Hurdicure, are you all right? 692 01:03:23,861 --> 01:03:25,328 Are you all right? 693 01:03:29,400 --> 01:03:31,595 - Coming! - Presents! 694 01:03:31,669 --> 01:03:32,761 Gotta go. 695 01:03:32,837 --> 01:03:35,203 - It's a harmonica. - That was lovely. 696 01:03:47,351 --> 01:03:48,784 Tea? 697 01:04:04,969 --> 01:04:10,373 Dr. Cooper, is it ready or not? 698 01:04:10,441 --> 01:04:13,899 In my opinion, the drug is ready. 699 01:04:18,849 --> 01:04:20,441 Don, we're-- 700 01:04:24,955 --> 01:04:27,423 Don, could I-- 701 01:04:29,460 --> 01:04:32,190 Excuse me a second, Rabbi. 702 01:04:32,263 --> 01:04:34,823 Chris, we're having a family bris. 703 01:04:34,899 --> 01:04:38,130 My nephew's brising. We're about to bris. Can this not wait? 704 01:04:38,202 --> 01:04:41,694 - We're in trouble. - What? 705 01:04:41,772 --> 01:04:46,266 When I told you the drug was ready, I hadn't done enough testing. 706 01:04:46,343 --> 01:04:50,143 Now Mrs. Hurdicure, one of the first test subjects has... 707 01:04:51,248 --> 01:04:52,909 gone into a coma. 708 01:04:52,983 --> 01:04:55,781 Yeah, Chris, but wasn't she an old lady? 709 01:04:55,853 --> 01:04:58,720 Old ladies go into comas every day. 710 01:04:58,789 --> 01:05:00,381 No, it's the drug. 711 01:05:01,458 --> 01:05:04,894 Alice tried to warn me, but I didn't listen. 712 01:05:04,962 --> 01:05:08,022 But people gotta know. We gotta go to the media. 713 01:05:08,098 --> 01:05:09,963 The media? 714 01:05:10,034 --> 01:05:14,698 What are you talking-- newspaper, television, CD-ROM, college radio? 715 01:05:14,772 --> 01:05:17,206 Yes, the whole kit and caboodle. 716 01:05:18,943 --> 01:05:23,175 I think we ought to think about it before we go to the media. 717 01:05:37,294 --> 01:05:40,286 - We shouldn't go to the media. - You know, I agree. 718 01:05:40,364 --> 01:05:42,298 But we have to! 719 01:05:46,570 --> 01:05:51,564 Rabbi Johnson, just gimme a minute, okay? 720 01:05:51,642 --> 01:05:54,008 Chris, let's talk. 721 01:05:58,182 --> 01:06:02,380 You know, the thing about being upset is that... 722 01:06:02,453 --> 01:06:05,217 besides it sometimes being a turn-on to women... 723 01:06:05,289 --> 01:06:09,419 it's not a state you wanna be in when making important decisions... 724 01:06:09,493 --> 01:06:13,293 like going to the press, wouldn't you agree? 725 01:06:13,364 --> 01:06:16,333 No, I wouldn't. We gotta get the word out. 726 01:06:16,400 --> 01:06:19,597 Yeah, but you would agree that Paris is the capital of France? 727 01:06:19,670 --> 01:06:22,104 - Wouldn't you agree to that? - Yes, but-- 728 01:06:22,172 --> 01:06:24,732 Good. Then we're back in agreement. 729 01:06:27,611 --> 01:06:31,308 Your drug is effectively changing the world for the better. 730 01:06:31,382 --> 01:06:33,373 It's important that you know that. 731 01:06:33,450 --> 01:06:37,409 Have you heard that crack is gone? Crime is down... 732 01:06:37,488 --> 01:06:39,752 and oddly enough, so is tourism. 733 01:06:39,823 --> 01:06:43,850 But if I haven't said it before, good job. 734 01:06:50,034 --> 01:06:52,229 About the comas... 735 01:06:52,303 --> 01:06:56,330 in war they call that sort of thing ""acceptable losses.'' 736 01:06:56,407 --> 01:07:00,935 Like 1 944, the Germans are in France when they should be in Germany... 737 01:07:01,011 --> 01:07:04,344 and it's gonna cost a pretty penny to get them home. 738 01:07:04,415 --> 01:07:08,408 What we already know about your drug and what I'm gonna show you... 739 01:07:08,485 --> 01:07:13,513 is that the acceptable losses there are really at about 5%, if that. 740 01:07:24,401 --> 01:07:29,100 Chris, it might be very easy here to take the narrow view and say... 741 01:07:29,173 --> 01:07:31,835 ""My God, more coma victims, oh, how terrible.'' 742 01:07:31,909 --> 01:07:34,400 Blah, blah, blah. 743 01:07:34,478 --> 01:07:38,437 Chris, I still think that's the narrow view. 744 01:07:38,515 --> 01:07:42,246 They're stuck in their happiest memories. 745 01:07:42,920 --> 01:07:47,050 Won't you take me to Funky Town 746 01:07:53,030 --> 01:07:55,021 Funky Town 747 01:07:55,099 --> 01:07:57,067 In a situation like this... 748 01:07:57,134 --> 01:08:00,729 you should rely on my experience. 749 01:08:00,804 --> 01:08:02,465 When I invented Stummies-- 750 01:08:02,539 --> 01:08:04,404 Fuck Stummies! 751 01:08:04,475 --> 01:08:06,238 And you too, Don! 752 01:08:06,310 --> 01:08:09,108 You pushed, boy, you pushed! 753 01:08:09,179 --> 01:08:12,774 Dumb Baxter said the drug was great. I said testing! 754 01:08:12,850 --> 01:08:16,479 And you took away my lab 'cause-- 755 01:08:16,553 --> 01:08:20,455 Sure, I lost my virginity, but who do you think-- 756 01:08:20,524 --> 01:08:22,992 You pushed, boy, you pushed! 757 01:08:23,060 --> 01:08:27,895 I gotta return Rear Window to the video store and now this! 758 01:08:27,965 --> 01:08:32,163 Comas? Acceptable losses? Late fees? 759 01:08:32,236 --> 01:08:35,899 No, I don't think I will ""fuck Stummies.'' 760 01:08:35,973 --> 01:08:37,941 Get your finger out of my face. 761 01:08:38,008 --> 01:08:39,942 Don't you touch my finger. 762 01:08:40,010 --> 01:08:42,137 - Get your finger out of my face. - Don't you touch my finger. 763 01:09:04,935 --> 01:09:08,098 You know, I had such high hopes for you... 764 01:09:08,172 --> 01:09:11,335 but unfortunately you just don't get it. 765 01:09:13,610 --> 01:09:15,805 My fucking finger! 766 01:09:52,215 --> 01:09:54,376 What's the matter? 767 01:09:54,450 --> 01:09:56,543 Oh, Wallace? 768 01:09:57,620 --> 01:09:59,417 Wally? 769 01:10:01,658 --> 01:10:05,617 Come on now. Not tonight, we're wearing our suits. 770 01:10:07,463 --> 01:10:11,263 No secrets here, remember? No secrets between sailors. 771 01:10:12,835 --> 01:10:16,862 You are scum! Do you hear me, soldier? 772 01:10:29,952 --> 01:10:31,510 Terzinsky. 773 01:10:32,755 --> 01:10:36,191 - Yes, sir? - See the two enemies by the wall? 774 01:10:39,495 --> 01:10:41,053 Got 'em. 775 01:10:41,130 --> 01:10:43,394 You're my best man. Here's the plan. 776 01:10:43,466 --> 01:10:46,230 You go over there and fuck them, we'll stay here and masturbate. 777 01:10:46,302 --> 01:10:47,530 - Yes, sir! - Go! 778 01:10:50,573 --> 01:10:52,598 There goes a man! 779 01:11:12,328 --> 01:11:13,420 Chris. 780 01:11:14,464 --> 01:11:17,729 Chris, I thought you said the drug was ready. 781 01:11:17,800 --> 01:11:21,793 I'm confused. I thought you said the drug was ready. 782 01:11:21,871 --> 01:11:25,432 Chris, you said the drug was ready. 783 01:11:27,910 --> 01:11:32,074 Oh, Dr. Cooper, thank you for your marvelous coma! 784 01:11:32,148 --> 01:11:34,082 Coma! Coma! 785 01:11:43,760 --> 01:11:45,853 Don't go to the media. 786 01:11:45,928 --> 01:11:47,862 I gotta go to the media! 787 01:11:54,570 --> 01:11:57,664 I'd like to thank the members of the media who did make it. 788 01:11:57,740 --> 01:11:59,173 College radio... 789 01:12:01,210 --> 01:12:03,474 Weapons and Helmets magazine... 790 01:12:05,281 --> 01:12:06,805 of course Girl Beat. 791 01:12:09,852 --> 01:12:11,979 Thank you all for coming. 792 01:12:12,054 --> 01:12:14,648 Who needs the networks anyway? 793 01:12:17,293 --> 01:12:20,319 Okay then, follow me. 794 01:12:22,465 --> 01:12:25,696 I'm gonna take you to where Roritor hides its terrible secret. 795 01:12:25,768 --> 01:12:28,737 A secret that I'm responsible for. 796 01:12:28,805 --> 01:12:32,571 I accept my part in this and ask you to brace yourselves... 797 01:12:32,642 --> 01:12:36,169 as you bear witness to Roritor's... 798 01:12:36,245 --> 01:12:38,372 hideousness! 799 01:12:38,448 --> 01:12:41,383 Can you spare five minutes, Chris? 800 01:12:41,451 --> 01:12:44,852 No, Marv! I'm going to expose the comas! 801 01:12:44,921 --> 01:12:47,185 I can help if you'll come with me. 802 01:12:49,125 --> 01:12:51,218 Okay, fine. 803 01:12:52,462 --> 01:12:54,487 Let's go. 804 01:12:57,266 --> 01:12:59,234 Afraid it's the other way, Chris. 805 01:12:59,302 --> 01:13:02,738 All right, everyone, stay together. Tight unit. 806 01:13:02,805 --> 01:13:05,968 I'm glad that you and Don have come to your senses... 807 01:13:06,042 --> 01:13:08,875 and realize that you can't-- 808 01:13:11,347 --> 01:13:12,780 What is this? 809 01:13:12,849 --> 01:13:16,148 This is the real press conference. 810 01:13:16,219 --> 01:13:18,187 The real press conference? 811 01:13:19,922 --> 01:13:21,685 There's food. 812 01:13:32,201 --> 01:13:34,135 Ladies and everyone... 813 01:13:34,203 --> 01:13:37,900 we've been joined by Dr. Chris Cooper. 814 01:13:42,345 --> 01:13:44,279 And thanks to Dr. Cooper... 815 01:13:44,347 --> 01:13:47,145 we're pleased to announce that we're breaking ground... 816 01:13:47,216 --> 01:13:51,050 on the first of ten new Roritor Comatoriums. 817 01:13:59,061 --> 01:14:03,828 Now I'd like to introduce you to our first lucky resident. 818 01:14:09,639 --> 01:14:11,231 There, there, old darling. 819 01:14:12,775 --> 01:14:14,640 It's Mrs. Hurdicure. 820 01:14:14,710 --> 01:14:18,578 What a wonderful visit we're having to Roritor's new Comatorium... 821 01:14:18,648 --> 01:14:22,175 where my mother will be cared for, washed and read to. 822 01:14:22,251 --> 01:14:24,378 - We envy her. - Yes, we do. 823 01:14:24,453 --> 01:14:28,981 But we will settle for this cashier's check... 824 01:14:29,058 --> 01:14:31,993 for $ 1 0,000. 825 01:14:33,796 --> 01:14:39,291 Which families receive if a lucky loved one goes to a better place-- 826 01:14:39,368 --> 01:14:42,201 their happiest memory. 827 01:14:44,574 --> 01:14:48,374 Wow, that's a lot of money! How pleasing! 828 01:14:55,785 --> 01:14:57,275 Wait! 829 01:14:59,355 --> 01:15:01,949 That's not what I invented the drug for. 830 01:15:02,024 --> 01:15:04,458 I mean, does she look happy? 831 01:15:07,597 --> 01:15:09,622 Yes. 832 01:15:09,699 --> 01:15:13,260 Okay granted, she looks happy. 833 01:15:13,336 --> 01:15:16,965 But people are supposed to be depressed sometimes! 834 01:15:18,307 --> 01:15:22,903 We invented the drug for people too depressed to get off the floor. 835 01:15:22,979 --> 01:15:26,312 Not because you missed your bus... 836 01:15:26,382 --> 01:15:28,646 or you don't look good in a yellow hat. 837 01:15:29,685 --> 01:15:31,209 That's just wrong. 838 01:15:31,287 --> 01:15:33,255 Tell 'em, Chris. 839 01:15:35,458 --> 01:15:38,018 I mean, without his pain and his sadness... 840 01:15:38,094 --> 01:15:41,655 could Van Gogh have painted all that stuff? 841 01:15:45,901 --> 01:15:50,133 I know that's not an actual Van Gogh, but still my point is... 842 01:15:50,206 --> 01:15:52,504 you can't be happy all the time! 843 01:15:52,575 --> 01:15:56,170 That's life! Take it back! 844 01:16:10,059 --> 01:16:14,655 You know, those words hurt. 845 01:16:16,632 --> 01:16:22,002 But you realize they come from a man who's gone mad with depression. 846 01:16:23,105 --> 01:16:27,269 Unfortunately, it seems to happen to some of our greatest geniuses. 847 01:16:27,343 --> 01:16:30,107 People like Oppenheimer, Schweitzer... 848 01:16:30,179 --> 01:16:31,840 Boxcar Willie. 849 01:16:34,550 --> 01:16:37,713 That's why today we're specially sad to announce that Dr. Chris Cooper... 850 01:16:37,787 --> 01:16:41,917 has in fact been found certifiably depressed. 851 01:16:45,227 --> 01:16:47,593 What does that mean again, Cisco? 852 01:16:47,663 --> 01:16:49,824 Legally, he's gotta take his own drug. 853 01:16:49,899 --> 01:16:50,991 Right. 854 01:16:55,738 --> 01:16:59,868 Please, Chris, we want you to try and remember... 855 01:16:59,942 --> 01:17:04,507 that we're only doing this because we love you. 856 01:17:04,641 --> 01:17:08,771 If the pill is so safe, Don, why don't you take it? 857 01:17:08,845 --> 01:17:11,405 Yeah! 858 01:17:13,049 --> 01:17:15,540 Why don't you take it? 859 01:17:16,786 --> 01:17:19,380 I've absolutely no problem with that. 860 01:17:19,456 --> 01:17:21,822 In fact, I'm quite fond of the drug. 861 01:17:21,891 --> 01:17:26,089 And if a demonstration is what is needed here, so be it. 862 01:17:26,162 --> 01:17:27,959 - Marv? - Yes, Don? 863 01:17:28,031 --> 01:17:30,056 Take the drug. 864 01:17:32,268 --> 01:17:33,792 Of course, Don. 865 01:17:42,545 --> 01:17:45,480 Is that cappuccino ever gonna be ready... 866 01:17:45,548 --> 01:17:48,608 or do I have to come in there and grind the beans with your head? 867 01:17:48,685 --> 01:17:50,812 Just warming it up, Don. 868 01:17:50,887 --> 01:17:52,855 What is taking you so long? 869 01:17:52,922 --> 01:17:54,913 Stop staring at me. 870 01:18:01,197 --> 01:18:02,824 Coming, Don. 871 01:18:11,107 --> 01:18:13,541 Well, there you have it. 872 01:18:13,610 --> 01:18:17,341 I've done my part. We've taken the drug. 873 01:18:17,414 --> 01:18:21,680 And now it's your turn, Dr. Cooper. 874 01:18:32,362 --> 01:18:35,354 Oh, come on, Chris. Open. 875 01:19:12,936 --> 01:19:14,597 Oh, dear. 876 01:19:23,446 --> 01:19:26,381 It's the little things in life that make it worthwhile. 877 01:19:36,392 --> 01:19:38,087 Good coffee, Marv. 878 01:19:45,535 --> 01:19:47,560 Slipped off my shoes. 879 01:20:15,331 --> 01:20:20,030 So, did they listen to Dr. Cooper and stop taking the drug? 880 01:20:20,103 --> 01:20:23,163 No, they did not, goddamn it! 881 01:20:23,306 --> 01:20:27,675 Today they even have parades to celebrate the comas. 882 01:20:27,744 --> 01:20:32,044 And they drag out the poor bastards like they're fucking astronauts. 883 01:20:33,249 --> 01:20:36,946 I don't like the world now. 884 01:20:37,020 --> 01:20:39,648 I mean, before I always knew I was a son of a bitch. 885 01:20:39,722 --> 01:20:42,190 But now I'm the only son of a bitch I know. 886 01:20:42,258 --> 01:20:46,126 Make way for a real human being! 887 01:20:46,196 --> 01:20:49,324 Get out of the way, you-- 888 01:20:59,175 --> 01:21:01,609 As for Dr. Cooper... 889 01:21:01,678 --> 01:21:05,580 well, some people say that hejoined a KISS cover band... 890 01:21:05,648 --> 01:21:09,516 and he rocks three nights a week in some chicken wing spot. 891 01:21:09,586 --> 01:21:13,784 But still, others say, and I hope this is true... 892 01:21:13,856 --> 01:21:16,620 that he is out there, somewhere... 893 01:21:16,693 --> 01:21:21,289 working on the cure for all this stupid happiness. 894 01:21:21,364 --> 01:21:26,233 All right, everyone, easy, easy. 895 01:21:28,371 --> 01:21:29,929 Alice, wait. 896 01:21:31,174 --> 01:21:34,769 I just wanna say that we've worked very hard... 897 01:21:34,844 --> 01:21:38,245 under some difficult circumstances... 898 01:21:38,314 --> 01:21:41,511 and I'm very confident that this new drug... 899 01:21:41,584 --> 01:21:44,246 will unlock her unhappiest memory. 900 01:21:44,320 --> 01:21:48,484 Yeah, but that's what you said about the drug we tested on Baxter. 901 01:21:59,202 --> 01:22:01,136 Okay then, let's get at it. 902 01:22:03,106 --> 01:22:05,233 Open wide, Mrs. Hurdicure. 903 01:22:06,676 --> 01:22:08,644 That's a good girl. 904 01:22:17,620 --> 01:22:18,882 Mrs. Hurdicure... 905 01:22:18,955 --> 01:22:20,889 how do you feel? 906 01:22:25,161 --> 01:22:26,355 Sad. 907 01:22:26,429 --> 01:22:28,090 She's depressed! 908 01:22:28,164 --> 01:22:29,756 Yes, yes! 909 01:22:29,832 --> 01:22:32,027 She's sad! She's sad! 910 01:22:37,440 --> 01:22:40,238 Baxter, we did it. 911 01:22:40,310 --> 01:22:41,743 Yeah. 912 01:22:42,979 --> 01:22:45,470 Wait. Baxter. 913 01:22:45,548 --> 01:22:48,039 No, Baxter! Bax-- 914 01:22:48,117 --> 01:22:50,085 She's sad! 915 01:22:57,393 --> 01:23:01,693 Alice, we just depressed one old lady. 916 01:23:01,764 --> 01:23:04,858 We got a whole world to bum out. 917 01:23:04,934 --> 01:23:06,799 It can wait. 918 01:23:26,856 --> 01:23:30,383 Okay, Miguel, I got a surprise for you. 919 01:23:30,460 --> 01:23:34,226 So keep your eyes closed and don't peek, okay? 920 01:23:34,297 --> 01:23:36,993 Okay, open your eyes. 921 01:23:37,066 --> 01:23:39,261 Surprise! 922 01:23:39,335 --> 01:23:42,361 Wow, thanks, Grandma! 923 01:23:42,438 --> 01:23:46,204 Happy birthday, Miguel. Oh, you look adorable. 924 01:23:46,275 --> 01:23:48,209 Let me get a picture of you. 925 01:23:48,277 --> 01:23:51,974 Boy, oh, boy, this will be grand. Miguel? 926 01:23:52,048 --> 01:23:53,174 Miguel! 927 01:23:55,017 --> 01:23:57,542 Oh, no. Come to Grandma. 928 01:24:00,022 --> 01:24:02,013 I'm gonna fall! 929 01:24:02,091 --> 01:24:05,322 So what does this whole story mean? 930 01:24:05,395 --> 01:24:09,161 The only way to be happy is to know 931 01:24:09,232 --> 01:24:12,793 You won't be happy every single day 932 01:24:15,638 --> 01:24:17,071 It sounds better... 933 01:24:17,140 --> 01:24:19,734 in the original Croatian. 934 01:24:19,809 --> 01:24:22,573 As for the kid, he turned out okay. 935 01:24:22,645 --> 01:24:25,876 He came down in a field a couple of days later... 936 01:24:25,948 --> 01:24:29,884 and ironically grew up to be an airline pilot. 937 01:24:29,952 --> 01:24:34,082 So there you go. You have your happy ending. 938 01:24:34,157 --> 01:24:35,784 Now get out... 939 01:24:35,858 --> 01:24:40,144 because nowhere on your ticket does it say you can sleep here. 940 01:27:57,608 --> 01:27:58,700 Mother Hurdicure. 941 01:27:59,811 --> 01:28:02,109 Oh, Ginny. 942 01:28:02,180 --> 01:28:04,341 Where's Miguel? 943 01:28:04,415 --> 01:28:06,747 I thought he was with you. 944 01:28:08,219 --> 01:28:10,983 Well, he's missed the clown. 945 01:28:11,305 --> 01:28:17,710 Please rate this subtitle at %url% Help other users to choose the best subtitles 69725