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LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
All right, here we go, yo!
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00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:04,140
As you know,Michael proposed to Jane
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00:00:04,141 --> 00:00:06,138
and a wedding date was set.
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00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,210
Did you make the reservations
for the chair rentals?
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00:00:08,211 --> 00:00:09,509
I'm working on it.
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00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,680
Exciting, right?Not as exciting:
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00:00:11,681 --> 00:00:13,609
Xiomara and Rogelio broke up.
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00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:16,284
Oh, and the Villanuevas' houseflooded!
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Bright side: thanks to Rafael,
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00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:20,115
the family got to stayat the Marbella.
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00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:21,221
And speaking of Rafael,his half brother
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00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:23,289
Derek is back in town.
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00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:25,190
Don't go off with him alone.
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00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:27,091
And Raf was workingwith Detective Michael
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00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:28,664
to see if Derek was connectedto their mother...
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00:00:28,665 --> 00:00:30,800
Where were you?
Right here. On this boat.
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00:00:30,801 --> 00:00:33,528
...the notorious crime lordknown as "Mutter."
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00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,234
And, oh, yeah, he also just hadtwin girls with Petra,
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00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:38,496
and truthfullyPetra's not doing so great.
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00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,766
NURSE:
And does postpartum depression
run in your family?
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00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:43,035
Do you ever have thoughtsof running away?
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00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:45,114
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I know! Mama drama, right?
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00:00:45,115 --> 00:00:47,547
So let's dive in.
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00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:50,248
As you all know,Jane Gloriana Villanueva
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00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,419
didn't lose control very often.
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00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:53,550
(loud dance music playing)
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00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,388
But when she did...
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00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,457
Oh, when she did...
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00:00:57,458 --> 00:01:00,658
(gunshot, guests screaming)
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...it was epic.
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00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,427
Ah, yes.
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You'll recallJane's 21st birthday.
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The night sheand Michael first met.
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But what you don't know
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is what happenedafter that kiss.
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Don't get into
any more trouble.
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I won't.
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But call me, okay?
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I will.
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(knocking at door)
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LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
He couldn'tbring himself to leave!
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It's so romantic!
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So, one of your friends
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is passed out on your porch.
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LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh.
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Not quite as romantic.
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That's not my friend.
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It's my mom.
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Here, let me help you.
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It's okay, I got it.
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Ma! Come on, wake up.
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Huh?
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00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:01,849
Oh, hey, Officer!
(giggles)
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00:02:01,856 --> 00:02:04,186
You can put those
cuffs on me any...
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00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:05,621
(Xiomara vomiting)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Yeah.
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00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,826
That party wasout of control...
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00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:10,728
which is why Janeis taking control
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00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,431
of her bachelorette party.
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00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:13,867
And after mani-pedis,
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00:02:13,868 --> 00:02:16,338
we'll have dinner
from 7:00 to 10:00.
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00:02:16,339 --> 00:02:17,697
Strictly prohibited:
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strip clubs, cheesy bars,
penis stuff.
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00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:21,608
Wow, this looks great.
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Thank you, Lina.
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00:02:22,877 --> 00:02:24,437
Don't thank me.
You wrote it.
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00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,905
True. Oh, which
reminds me...
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I made a seating
chart for dinner.
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I just have so many
different groups,
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I want to make sure
everyone melds.
Don "Key-sotty"?
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JANE:
Don Quixote.
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00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,490
Oh.
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It's reading for
this week's class.
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It's a really great book.
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It's about this guy
who sees the world
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as if it's one of his
great romances and...
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00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,466
I'm out.
Okay.
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Is this the seating chart?
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00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,498
Yep. All right,
last chance, Abuela.
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Do you want to come?
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ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
www.PSArips.com
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LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Hard to argue with that.
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Or that.
Stop. Jane wants me there.
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Okay, I should drop off
Mateo with Rafael
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before my shift starts.
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00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:07,587
And thank you both.
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You know, for
not pushing back
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and just letting me have
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the bachelorette that I want.
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Of course.
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It's your party.
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Bye!
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Bye!
Bye!
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(gasps)
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00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:22,432
Do you think she
suspects anything?
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00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:23,636
Definitely not.
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(squeals)
Yes!
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00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,874
Thank you so much, ladies.
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Surprise!
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Uh...
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(chuckles)
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Oh, my God, Jane!
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We're so happy
to see you!
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We missed you
so much!
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Oh, really?
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That's so sweet.
Yeah!
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So maybe you can
convince Rogelio
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to invest in our fashion blog.
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He thinks you're some kind
of genius or something.
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It's all about...
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BOTH:
Seeing Double!
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Wow.
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Neat.
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00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,836
See? Jane agrees that
it's an awesome idea.
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00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,569
It makes perfect sense for
you to give whatever money
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you were going to give to us
for college to fund it.
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ROGELIO:
Jane...
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Please. Help.
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Explain to them,
in the unlikely event
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Seeing Double doesn't catch on,
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it's always good
to have a backup plan.
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00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,453
Oh, y-yeah.
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00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,515
Well, I-I'm a big
proponent of college.
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Oh, there's a prospective
student program
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at my school today,
if you want to come by.
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00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,528
Check out the sitch.
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00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:23,999
That is
a wonderful idea!
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They will be there.
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If they want me
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to even consider
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00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:29,002
investing
in their blog.
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BOTH:
Fine.
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Great. Well, I have to run.
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Wait, wait,
wait, wait.
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Girls, you haven't
congratulated Jane
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00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:37,475
on her engagement to
the greatest man in the world.
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00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,878
Oh, my God,
you're marrying Rafael?!
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00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,880
That's amazing!
Oh, you're
so lucky!
No.
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00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,422
He's so sexy.
He's so gorgeous
and rich.
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00:04:43,423 --> 00:04:44,817
No, that's...
And those abs...
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00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,348
No, I said no!
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I am not marrying Rafael.
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I am marrying Michael.
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Oh.
Huh?
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00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,688
Oh. Okay.
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00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:53,860
He seems...
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loyal.
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00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,859
Yes.
Yeah.
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00:04:57,865 --> 00:05:00,025
Sorry we can't make it
to your wedding.
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00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:02,568
Yeah, we're just
super busy that day.
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00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,899
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I'll point out,they don't know when it is.
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00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:07,505
Congrats, though.
Thanks.
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It's always a treat,
seeing you girls.
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00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,042
I'm off, Dad.
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00:05:10,044 --> 00:05:11,644
No, please.
Just make sure
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00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,905
Michael got the invite
reminder for tonight.
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00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,782
I never heard from him.
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Maybe they didn't go through.
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I'll send it to you, too.
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00:05:18,521 --> 00:05:20,549
(giggles nervously, sighs)
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MICHAEL:
Oh, no, he sent it to you, too.
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00:05:21,925 --> 00:05:23,656
JANE:
I'm getting it.
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00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:26,627
Hang on.
Oh, you really
don't have to see it.
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00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,796
(maniacal laugh)
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00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:32,058
I'm sorry, but I really do.
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00:05:32,066 --> 00:05:34,526
MICHAEL:
Throw your hands up in the air
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and wave 'em like
you just don't care
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because it's my bachelor party!
Woot! Woot!
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Is that your voice?
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00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,409
He made me record it.
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Michael, I'm so sorry.
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Yeah.
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00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,580
(laughs)
I can't believe
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my dad's going
to your bachelor party.
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LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Yeah, me neither.
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Here's what happened.
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I remember itlike it was a week ago.
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00:05:53,690 --> 00:05:56,487
So, are there gonna
be strippers?
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00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,120
Do you not want there
to be strippers?
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00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,825
No, no, it's okay.
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00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,487
I mean,
it's your bachelor party.
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00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:02,885
Well, if you don't want
there to be strippers...
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00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,426
Okay, fine, fine,
you convinced me,
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00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:06,031
no strippers at
your bachelor party.
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00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,533
ROGELIO:
You're having
a bachelor party?
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00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:12,071
And I'm not invited?
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00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,640
No. Did you...
Oh, he must not have...
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00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:15,911
Did you...
you didn't get the e-mail.
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00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:18,537
Man, my friends are so flaky.
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00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:19,745
(laughs)
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Oh... thank God!
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00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,853
'Cause for a minute,
I was like, "My best brogelio
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00:06:24,854 --> 00:06:26,018
"doesn't want me
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00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:29,919
at his bachelor party?"
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00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,523
What's up, brother?
Yeah.
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JANE:
So...
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00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,530
what if I called my dad
and told him not to go?
197
00:06:35,531 --> 00:06:37,897
And you call my mom
and tell her not to come?
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00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,828
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Yeah, that's not happening.
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00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,833
What? A girl can dream.
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00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,835
It's too late. He's already
taking over the planning.
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00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,637
Which could be good.
202
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,169
I mean, let's face it,
if it weren't for Rogelio,
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00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,743
it would probably be
me and my friends
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00:06:48,744 --> 00:06:50,082
eating tacos over a trash can.
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00:06:50,083 --> 00:06:52,977
Why are you so sweet?
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00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:55,610
To me, to my dad...
207
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,746
Save it for the vows.
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00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,121
Printer deadline's
Friday, right?
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00:06:59,122 --> 00:07:00,719
Mm-hmm.
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00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,651
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I should explain.
211
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:05,616
In a Catholic mass,you can't recite your own vows,
212
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,026
so theirs were going to beprinted in the programs.
213
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,457
So, how's yours going?
214
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,029
Oh, it's great. Great, yeah.
215
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:10,930
You?
216
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,161
Yeah, just ironing out
217
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:13,896
the last details.
218
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,201
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Sure, if you call
219
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,470
19 pages of general ideas
220
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,001
"ironing out the last details."
221
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:21,166
Wait, scratch that...23 pages, actually.
222
00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:22,535
Jane?
223
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,478
Professor Blake, hello.
Hey.
224
00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:26,909
So, last minute, but, uh,
225
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:28,652
one of the T.A.s
who was supposed to speak
226
00:07:28,653 --> 00:07:30,516
to prospective students
just canceled.
227
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:31,947
I know you just
started office hours,
228
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,052
but is there any way
you could fill in for her?
229
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,954
Oh, my God.
230
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,656
Uh, I would love to,
thank you so much!
231
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,659
Just remember...
keep it professional.
232
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:43,061
Don't worry.
Professional, got it.
233
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,033
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which brings us here, now.
234
00:07:45,034 --> 00:07:47,502
And as we dive into
our section on Don Quixote,
235
00:07:47,503 --> 00:07:49,501
it's great seeing them
connect to the material
236
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:51,671
and relate Quixote's quest
237
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,210
to their own youthful idealism.
238
00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:54,637
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Yup.
239
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:55,908
Youthful idealism at its best.
240
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,179
JANE:
So, if you have any questions,
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00:07:57,180 --> 00:08:00,046
I am more than happy
to answer them.
242
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,247
Oh.
(knocking at door)
243
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:02,778
One second.
244
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,886
Hello, I'm looking
for Jane Villanueva.
245
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,847
Yeah, I-I'm Jane Villanueva.
246
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:11,116
Milady.
Is this a skit
247
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:12,624
for prospective
students?
248
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:14,156
Allowest me to
remove my armor.
249
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,561
I'm sorry, who...? Oh!
250
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:16,762
I am Don Quixote!
251
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:18,132
Ready to see
what's in
252
00:08:18,133 --> 00:08:20,231
my Sancho Panza?
(students shriek)
253
00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:22,001
No! Oh, wait, wait.
254
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,840
You know, wait,
this is a mistake.
255
00:08:23,841 --> 00:08:25,067
This is
a mistake!
256
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:26,939
Ah! Oh! No...
257
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,570
Ah... ah!
258
00:08:29,576 --> 00:08:31,536
I'm so sorry!
259
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:41,186
Professor Blake,
I assure you
260
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,888
I had no idea
this was going to happen.
261
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,120
I'm having a bachelorette
party later tonight,
262
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,524
and it seems my friends
263
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:46,826
got a bit overzealous.
264
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:49,027
I am not even
a stripper person,
265
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,159
not that that matters. Believe
me, I'm as angry as you are.
266
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,671
Look, I understand that
the incident wasn't your fault,
267
00:08:53,672 --> 00:08:55,167
but it was
a public event,
268
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,168
pictures were taken,
people were horrified.
269
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:58,570
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
To be fair,
270
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,041
parents were horrified.
271
00:09:00,042 --> 00:09:01,807
Students were LOLingall over Instagram,
272
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,138
or whatever the kids saythese days.
273
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,612
And I will do whatever it takes
274
00:09:04,613 --> 00:09:05,881
to right the situation.
275
00:09:05,882 --> 00:09:07,579
I know.
276
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,211
But I'm gonna have
to talk to the dean.
277
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,646
I really don't know if you
can continue as a T.A.
278
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:14,223
I'll check in end of day.
279
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,256
I just need the day to rest.
280
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,831
So if you could take
the babies tonight...
281
00:09:23,832 --> 00:09:24,897
What's wrong?
282
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,998
Nothing, I just, um...
283
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,168
started my medication.
284
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,169
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
For postpartum depression,you'll recall.
285
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,571
And it's giving me
a pretty bad migraine.
286
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:34,774
So can you keep the babies?
287
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,105
Yeah, of course.
288
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:39,179
Oh, and make sure
I'm not disturbed.
289
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,023
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Uh-oh.
290
00:09:44,024 --> 00:09:45,777
This isn't looking good.
291
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,286
(sighs)
292
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,747
Sorry.
293
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:50,916
Where were we?
294
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,158
Nowhere.
295
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:53,859
We got nothing so far.
296
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,628
What about the bug
you put in Derek's office?
297
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,129
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
You'll recall these two
298
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,060
have been working togetherto discover--
299
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:01,266
how shall I put this?It's rather nuanced...
300
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,738
Nothing.
...whether Rafael'sbrother Derek
301
00:10:03,739 --> 00:10:05,797
is a good guy
302
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,666
or a bad guy.
(growls)
303
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:10,075
His boat.
304
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:11,307
There's got to be
something on his boat.
305
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,141
Good, so search his boat.
306
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,806
I-I get a warrant,
he knows you told me about it.
307
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:15,945
So don't get a warrant.
308
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,217
Oh, come on, Michael.
309
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,219
We both know you're not
above bending the rules.
310
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:25,157
XIOMARA:
So did you get a little visit
311
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,088
from Don Quick-Naughty?
312
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:30,296
You were in on that?
What were you thinking?
313
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,957
Hey, strippers were not
technically on your "no" list.
314
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,296
Just strip clubs.
There's a big difference.
315
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,202
Yeah, well that big difference
just gave me a lap dance
316
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:39,073
in front of 50 students
and parents.
What?!
317
00:10:39,074 --> 00:10:40,672
I was asked to do
a last-minute talk
318
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:41,911
to prospective students and...
319
00:10:41,912 --> 00:10:44,208
He was supposed to go
to your office.
320
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,911
I wasn't there. He found me.
321
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,380
I'm sorry.
322
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:49,381
How could I have known
he would turn out to be,
323
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:52,053
like, the world's most
industrious stripper?
324
00:10:52,054 --> 00:10:54,387
This is why I implemented
325
00:10:54,388 --> 00:10:56,388
the "no surprise" rule
in the first place.
326
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:57,390
I was clear.
327
00:10:57,391 --> 00:10:58,921
No surprises.
328
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,833
¶ ¶
329
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:05,861
Maybe just one more?
330
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,026
Surprise!
331
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,334
Welcome to your
bachelorette party.
332
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,265
(squealing with excitement,
giggling)
333
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,268
What's going on?
334
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:19,036
This is not a part
of my carefully detailed
335
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,876
bachelorette party plan.
336
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:23,881
I know, but your mom and I
decided that we owed it to you
337
00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,884
not to throw you the
world's lamest party.
338
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,946
We owed it
to everyone.
339
00:11:30,424 --> 00:11:33,294
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Okay, here we have...
340
00:11:33,295 --> 00:11:35,063
Well, names aren't important.
341
00:11:35,064 --> 00:11:36,900
We've taken care
of everything.
342
00:11:36,901 --> 00:11:39,897
But Mateo is...
With Abuela all night
in a guest room.
343
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,900
And I have to work tomorrow.
Luca's covering
your shift
344
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,772
so you can nurse what'd
better be a raging hangover.
345
00:11:43,773 --> 00:11:45,940
I have to finish my vows.
I called the printers
346
00:11:45,941 --> 00:11:47,909
and got them to agree
to a one-day extension.
347
00:11:47,910 --> 00:11:49,368
And we brought
your party clothes!
348
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:50,906
XIOMARA: And we're really sorry
about the stripper,
349
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,711
but there's nothing
you can do about it tonight.
350
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:55,053
Except drink and take your
mind off it. Right, girls?!
351
00:11:55,054 --> 00:11:57,048
(whooping)
352
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,480
Come on, hon.
353
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:02,716
Wouldn't it feel good to lose
control just this once?
354
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,424
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Come on,Jane, are you going to let down
355
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,126
this group of vaguelyfamiliar ladies
356
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,198
who are apparentlyyour very good friends?
357
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,431
All right, bring on the shots!
358
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,433
(cheering)
359
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,295
To your last night
of freedom.
360
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:19,374
(whooping)
361
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:28,006
HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Whoo-hoo!
362
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:30,014
(whoops)
363
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:32,846
See, isn't this better than
some boring dinner party?
364
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,393
Wow.
365
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:45,925
Uh, I thought you said
we were just stopping by.
366
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,932
For five scrumptious courses
prepared by my personal chef.
367
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,935
Now sit, sit, everyone, sit.
368
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,537
Open your swag bags.
369
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:57,479
They contain all the essentials
for an epic bachelor party.
370
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,410
(quietly):
What the hell's happening?
371
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,275
Oh.
372
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,218
Rogelio, you really didn't
have to do this.
373
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,219
Of course I did.
374
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,220
You only get married once.
375
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,251
Right, guys?
376
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,856
Huh?
377
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:13,218
I need a drink.
378
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:14,526
Perfect.
379
00:13:14,528 --> 00:13:16,388
I've done
the wine pairings myself.
380
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:20,326
We'll start with an ice-cold
pink champagne toast.
381
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:23,836
Oh, I almost forgot.
382
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:25,437
The pièce de résistance.
383
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:26,968
Open it.
384
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,012
Oh.
385
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,381
Wow.
386
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:36,382
(chuckles)
387
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:37,416
(all chuckling)
388
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,877
Turn it around.
389
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:44,156
(whoops)
390
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,587
(upbeat music playing)
391
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,188
(whooping)
392
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,856
Yes!
393
00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:52,531
Whoo-hoo!
394
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:53,532
Angela's amazing.
395
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:54,533
Did you know she's a genius?
396
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,168
She really is a genius.
397
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:59,169
Actually, my IQ is 139,
so it's just below.
398
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,172
You see?!
399
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,173
Only a genius would know that.
400
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,244
XIOMARA:
Totally.
401
00:14:02,245 --> 00:14:04,076
(laughing)
402
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,407
(whoops)
403
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:07,379
¶ ¶
404
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,948
Whoo-hoo!
405
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:10,449
All right, I'm signing up
for karaoke.
406
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,150
Sweet Lady Jane?
No!
407
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:13,182
Yes!
No, no, no!
408
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,516
Who's Sweet Lady Jane?
409
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,051
Xo, it's her Sasha Fierce.
410
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:17,386
When she gets drunk enough
to freestyle.
411
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,860
You've never seen her like that?
412
00:14:18,861 --> 00:14:20,189
No, I haven't.
413
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,063
But it is definitely
happening tonight.
414
00:14:22,064 --> 00:14:24,162
We need more drinks.
Agreed!
Can you go get them?
415
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:27,474
I kind of have a history
with Chad the hot bartender.
416
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,097
I don't want it to seem
like I'm chasing him.
417
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,905
I mean, I am chasing him,
but I don't want him to know.
418
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:34,907
On it!
419
00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:36,538
(whoops)
420
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,313
So where'd you go to college?
421
00:14:38,314 --> 00:14:39,911
Oh, I didn't.
422
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,247
Oh, weird. Why?
423
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:44,316
It just wasn't, like, my path.
424
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,947
So what do you do?
425
00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:47,452
I'm a waitress with Jane.
426
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:48,624
But she goes to school.
427
00:14:48,625 --> 00:14:50,622
Well, I-I'm a stylist, too.
428
00:14:50,624 --> 00:14:52,593
I mean, I will be
once that takes off.
429
00:14:52,594 --> 00:14:54,161
So you, like, pick out clothes?
430
00:14:54,162 --> 00:14:56,060
XIOMARA:
A shot for Sweet Lady Jane!
431
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,200
Uh, no, she is not
coming out tonight.
432
00:14:58,201 --> 00:15:00,228
She's definitely coming
out tonight. Drink.
433
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,473
ALL (chanting):
Drink! Drink!
434
00:15:01,474 --> 00:15:04,098
Drink! Drink!
Drink! Drink! Drink!
435
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,466
Whoo-hoo!
436
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:08,974
(camera shutter clicking)
437
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,165
Oh, no, no, no. No cameras.
438
00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:11,636
No posting any pictures
439
00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:13,905
on the Twitter, the "Facegram"
or "Instabook."
440
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,948
Hon, you got to relax.
441
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:17,949
No, Mom, I can't when they're
documenting me on their phones.
442
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:20,051
I'm already
on thin ice at school.
443
00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,953
Okay, everybody,
give me your phones!
444
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,245
What?!
445
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,116
Phone-free
zone, people!
446
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,215
(whoops)
447
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:29,126
Yeah!
(whoops)
448
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,129
Uh...
449
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,397
Hey, Mom, Mom, Mom.
450
00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:32,928
Why don't you just
pace yourself?
451
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,003
Maybe get you a little
food or something.
452
00:15:34,004 --> 00:15:37,069
Hey, no Old Lady Jane tonight.
453
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:40,070
I want to meet Sweet Lady Jane!
454
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:42,473
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Huh, she doesn't look thrilled.
455
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,276
And neither does she.
456
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,650
The best thing you
could do for those girls
457
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:54,491
is to give them away.
458
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,024
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, dear.
459
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:01,285
Very suspicious.
460
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,294
Also suspicious...
461
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:11,598
Looks like Michael decidedto break the law after all.
462
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:14,174
And here I'd thoughthe'd changed.
463
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:20,113
Well, he did changehis shirt at least.
464
00:16:20,714 --> 00:16:21,714
(gasps)
465
00:16:21,715 --> 00:16:23,205
Nicholas.
466
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,316
Grappa is a digestif.
467
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,518
It's to be sipped, not chugged
like a shot of cheap tequila.
468
00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:34,357
I wish it were cheap tequila.
(laughing): Yeah, boy.
469
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,129
Remember when we road-tripped
to the Redneck Riviera
470
00:16:36,130 --> 00:16:37,529
and Michael got wasted
on mezcal?
No. Stop.
471
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,460
Oh, yeah, the night
he ate the worm.
Shh.
472
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:41,626
Eating the worm is the least
of what happened that night.
473
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,634
Guys, guys, let's
not bore Rogelio,
474
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:46,466
my future father-in-law, with
these boring stories, okay?
475
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:49,008
No, Vincent, finish
your story, please.
476
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,539
What happened in
this Redneck Riviera?
477
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:51,543
I must know.
478
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,644
Uh, well...
479
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,076
we had a nice talk
about our feelings
480
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:57,420
and how much we respect women,
481
00:16:57,421 --> 00:16:59,147
and then we all went
to bed by 10:00.
482
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,222
(chuckles)
The end.
483
00:17:00,223 --> 00:17:02,650
That's a weird story, Vincent.
484
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:05,120
Rogelio.
485
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:07,625
This dinner, fantastic.
486
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:11,527
The oysters, the pheasant,
the-the macaroons.
487
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,199
But, uh, maybe
it's time to head out?
488
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,700
Let's do it.
489
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,802
I've gotten us into
the hottest spot in town.
490
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:20,139
All right.
491
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:23,709
This Russian bathing ritual
dates back centuries.
492
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:27,279
The euca leaves really promote
exfoliation and circulation.
493
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,350
You will be glowing
for the wedding, Michael.
494
00:17:29,351 --> 00:17:31,649
You may not even need
a spray tan.
495
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:35,421
¶ Macho, macho man ¶
496
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:38,757
¶ I've got to be
a macho man... ¶
497
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,288
Have you
seen my mom?
498
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,093
XIOMARA: Jane!
Ma!
499
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:44,095
There's my daughter.
They didn't believe I have
500
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,397
a daughter old enough
to get married.
501
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,558
Tell them you're my daughter.
502
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,566
(chuckles)
I'm her daughter.
503
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,697
Mom, I need my phone.
504
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:49,801
No, no phones.
505
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:50,803
No, no, Mom, I'm serious.
506
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:52,244
You see how serious she is?
507
00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:53,398
Mom!
No.
508
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,706
No, no. Phone-free zone!
509
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,677
No, uh, wait, Ma,
where are you going?
To protect you from yourself!
510
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:00,378
No, Mom, that's not funny!
I'm doing you a favor!
511
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,380
You'll thank me later!
(stammering)
512
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:04,152
Give it to me!
What do you want to use it for?
513
00:18:04,153 --> 00:18:05,580
You want to do some work?
514
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,445
No, I need to see
if Professor Blake called me
515
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:08,692
and to see
if I still have my job
516
00:18:08,693 --> 00:18:09,688
because of the stripper
you sent.
517
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,256
Fine.
518
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,257
But I'm holding it.
519
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,259
So you don't go
answering e-mails.
520
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,291
Fine.
521
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,296
JANE:
You see?
522
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:21,598
Professor Blake left
a voice mail.
523
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:24,401
Okay, he's just
calling to say...
524
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,804
Oh, my God, I can keep my job!
525
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,436
Yes!
(laughs)
526
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,280
Go, Professor Tight-Ass!
That guy is such a dick.
527
00:18:32,281 --> 00:18:34,408
I thought I was gonna have
to, like, send a stripper
528
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,582
to his house to pull
the pole out of his ass.
529
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,851
FEMALE VOICE:
Would you like to send your
message with normal delivery?
530
00:18:38,852 --> 00:18:40,552
Wait, what message?
Oh, my God, no, no, no.
531
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,223
What happened?
Must've hit "call back."
Stop.
532
00:18:42,224 --> 00:18:44,662
Message sent.
No...
533
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:56,502
Okay, we need to come up
with a plan.
534
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,203
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Unfortunately,
535
00:18:58,204 --> 00:18:59,604
coming up with a planis quite difficult
536
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:00,606
when you are...
537
00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:02,237
Well, let's check.
538
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,406
HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: Whoo-hoo!
539
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:08,250
Don't worry, nobody listens
to their voice mail anymore.
540
00:19:08,251 --> 00:19:09,748
What are you talking about?
541
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,749
Everybody listens
to their voice mails, Ma.
542
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,481
LINA: I've got an idea.
Go.
543
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,546
Let's ask Siri.
544
00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:16,288
Any other suggestions?
545
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,689
Angela, go.
546
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,690
I think if we all
think really hard,
547
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,762
we could delete it
with our minds.
548
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,531
Here's what we're gonna do.
549
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:27,901
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
This ought to be good.
550
00:19:27,902 --> 00:19:29,471
He's at a party
for prospective students.
551
00:19:29,472 --> 00:19:30,799
I am gonna go to that party
552
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,337
and I am going
to steal his phone
553
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:33,368
and I'm going to erase
that message.
554
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:34,773
Wait, you can't
go in there.
555
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:37,676
You just had
a stripper at school.
556
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,337
Right.
557
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:40,505
Can you go?
558
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:41,680
Way too drunk.
559
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,849
Angela, can you go?
560
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,820
Sure. Where?
561
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:48,917
I know who could go!
562
00:19:48,922 --> 00:19:49,792
(gasps)
563
00:19:49,793 --> 00:19:51,259
I have to pee!
564
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,426
Get in. Hurry.
565
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:55,857
Not so fast.
566
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,229
Since we're doing you a favor,
567
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,300
we want something in return.
568
00:19:58,301 --> 00:19:59,858
What?! Seriously?
569
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,566
We want to come
to your wedding now.
570
00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:03,368
Great, you're in, twins.
Let's do this.
571
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:04,599
BOTH:
And be bridesmaids.
572
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:05,604
What? Why?
573
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:06,955
You don't even like me.
574
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:08,306
Yeah, but we could sell the
pictures to some tabloid
575
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:09,838
because of Rogelio
and fund our blog.
576
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,342
Plus, we'll be wearing
our own designs.
577
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:14,613
This is our chance to be
like the Olsen twins.
578
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,314
But less depressing.
579
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,516
And without Mary-Kate's
weird old French guy.
580
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:20,618
Fine, let's go!
581
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:21,687
Yes!
Awesome!
582
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,418
(gasps)
583
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:24,623
Break out the booze!
584
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:25,694
We're doing shots!
585
00:20:25,695 --> 00:20:26,792
No, no shots.
586
00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:28,260
MEN:
Shot! Shot! Shot!
587
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:29,691
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Truth be told,
588
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:31,526
if Derek knew his boatwas being searched,
589
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:33,661
he probably wouldn'tfeel so buoyed.
590
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,396
See what I did there?
591
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:37,401
But alas, he doesn't.
592
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,473
Dude, you don't have to keep
buying us drinks all night.
593
00:20:39,474 --> 00:20:40,972
Hey, brotherly bonding.
594
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,612
And plus, I have
two sleeping babies
595
00:20:42,613 --> 00:20:44,479
and two night nurses
upstairs that yell at me
596
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,677
every time I make noise.
597
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:47,909
(chuckles)
598
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,982
So, did you consider asking?
599
00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:52,918
Stop, no.
Asking what?
600
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,449
He wants to buy into
this deal I'm looking at.
601
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,492
I told him he should
hit up his rich brother.
602
00:20:56,493 --> 00:20:57,819
Brandon, enough.
All right.
603
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:59,791
I just am not in a position
604
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,992
to make any investments
right now.
605
00:21:01,995 --> 00:21:03,325
No, of course not.
606
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:07,295
Let's just call it.
Thanks for the drinks.
607
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:08,730
We should, uh,
head back to the boat.
608
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:10,665
No, now, hey,
just, uh, just stay.
609
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,000
Uh, it's weird.
Now, now it seems
610
00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:13,535
like I'm after
your money or something.
611
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:15,469
No, it doesn't.
It's fine, hey.
612
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:17,335
Come on, just sit down?
613
00:21:17,343 --> 00:21:18,877
Sit down!
614
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:20,578
Come on, another round.
615
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:22,550
Let me at least pay this time.
Hey, put your money away.
616
00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:27,445
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I don't know about you,
617
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,023
but I'm not on boardwith this make-under.
618
00:21:29,024 --> 00:21:30,622
How'd you become
a stylist?
619
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:31,892
You have to have good taste
620
00:21:31,893 --> 00:21:33,891
so celebrities
want your opinion.
621
00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:35,493
Do any celebrities want yours?
622
00:21:35,495 --> 00:21:36,585
(phone chimes)
623
00:21:36,596 --> 00:21:39,026
LINA: Well, they
will eventually.
624
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:43,433
(chuckles, sighs)
625
00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:22,612
Enough with the questions!
626
00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:35,849
Up to you,
but I'd lose the towel.
627
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:37,815
It's not good for your pores.
628
00:22:37,824 --> 00:22:39,694
Hey, you know, I'm feeling,
I'm feeling okay.
629
00:22:39,695 --> 00:22:41,727
Your choice.
After this,
630
00:22:41,728 --> 00:22:43,458
a quick plunge
in the cold pool and massages.
631
00:22:43,463 --> 00:22:45,763
Space is limited,
so be sure to tell me
632
00:22:45,765 --> 00:22:47,795
who you want as your couples
massage partner,
633
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,130
while I grab us
some cucumber water.
634
00:22:52,004 --> 00:22:54,004
Okay, dude.
635
00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:55,466
Dude, what the hell?
636
00:22:55,475 --> 00:22:57,005
This is weird, dude.
637
00:22:57,009 --> 00:22:58,809
No, no, no, wait, we left weird
back at his apartment.
638
00:22:58,811 --> 00:23:01,747
This is way past weird.
639
00:23:01,748 --> 00:23:02,908
I know, but what
am I supposed to do?
640
00:23:02,915 --> 00:23:05,045
Get rid of your
crazy father-in-law.
641
00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:06,581
Look, obviously
I don't want Rogelio here.
642
00:23:06,586 --> 00:23:07,916
I don't want
to hurt his feelings.
643
00:23:12,525 --> 00:23:14,385
Rogelio, I'm sorry.
644
00:23:14,394 --> 00:23:17,129
No-no apology necessary.
645
00:23:17,130 --> 00:23:21,000
I will take my leave
so you can start having fun.
646
00:23:27,974 --> 00:23:30,509
Hey, Rogelio, I am so sorry.
I feel terrible.
647
00:23:30,510 --> 00:23:31,840
If you didn't want me
at your party,
648
00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:33,644
then why did you invite me?
649
00:23:36,716 --> 00:23:38,576
I never meant to.
650
00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:42,587
When you found about it
and-and wanted to come,
651
00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:44,018
I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.
652
00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:45,923
And then you ran with it,
making this whole night.
653
00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:47,185
Your friends weren't
making any plans.
654
00:23:47,193 --> 00:23:48,663
I wanted it to be special.
655
00:23:48,664 --> 00:23:49,861
I know.
656
00:23:49,862 --> 00:23:51,432
I thought you like
being pampered.
657
00:23:51,433 --> 00:23:52,831
Men these days.
658
00:23:52,832 --> 00:23:55,072
They don't take enough time
for themselves.
659
00:23:55,073 --> 00:23:57,497
It's not about the spa.
660
00:23:58,471 --> 00:23:59,771
Having you here, it changes
661
00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:01,542
the dynamic with my friends.
662
00:24:01,543 --> 00:24:02,941
But we're friends!
663
00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:04,910
♪Brogelios4Life.
664
00:24:04,911 --> 00:24:06,841
We are, but we're also
about to be family,
665
00:24:06,846 --> 00:24:08,846
and you know,
that changes things.
666
00:24:08,848 --> 00:24:10,978
They can't tell funny stories
and have them be inappropriate
667
00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:13,153
while my wife's dad
is around, you know?
668
00:24:13,154 --> 00:24:15,652
Yeah, I understand.
669
00:24:16,689 --> 00:24:18,159
If I were a normal dad.
670
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,757
But I'm a cool dad.
671
00:24:19,759 --> 00:24:22,159
You can be inappropriate
around me, I swear.
672
00:24:22,161 --> 00:24:24,461
(sighs)
673
00:24:24,464 --> 00:24:26,598
Okay, we-- I mean, all right.
674
00:24:26,599 --> 00:24:28,629
You know that story
with the Redneck Riviera?
675
00:24:28,634 --> 00:24:29,874
When you ate the worm?
Hilarious.
676
00:24:29,875 --> 00:24:31,736
Yeah, and after that,
677
00:24:31,737 --> 00:24:35,037
we went to a strip club
where we met
678
00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:37,479
a stripper named Jane
and her twin sister,
679
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,237
and she showed us...
Enough, stop it!
680
00:24:39,245 --> 00:24:40,475
I'm sorry.
I get it.
681
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:41,610
I get it.
682
00:24:41,614 --> 00:24:42,714
You've made your point.
683
00:24:42,715 --> 00:24:44,245
I'll cancel the massages
684
00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:46,180
so you can go to a bar
with your friends
685
00:24:46,185 --> 00:24:49,185
and talk about things I never
want to hear about again.
686
00:24:49,188 --> 00:24:51,656
Okay, let's get
out of the pool...
687
00:24:51,657 --> 00:24:53,117
Wait, wait, wait,
I-I mean,
688
00:24:53,125 --> 00:24:56,855
I'm not really in a bar mood
right now-- are you?
689
00:24:56,863 --> 00:24:59,201
I mean, we go to bars,
like, every night.
690
00:24:59,202 --> 00:25:02,667
Yeah, and a two-hour massage,
bro, sounds kind of cool.
691
00:25:02,668 --> 00:25:04,198
Fine, yeah, yeah.
692
00:25:04,203 --> 00:25:06,838
We'll, uh, we'll
get the massages.
693
00:25:06,839 --> 00:25:08,739
VALERIA:
Relax.
694
00:25:08,741 --> 00:25:09,971
We got this.
695
00:25:09,976 --> 00:25:11,206
Okay, repeat the plan
696
00:25:11,210 --> 00:25:12,510
back to me just to make sure.
697
00:25:12,512 --> 00:25:13,542
You go.
698
00:25:13,546 --> 00:25:15,206
I thought you were listening.
699
00:25:15,214 --> 00:25:16,648
I listened last time.
700
00:25:16,649 --> 00:25:18,149
Okay, both of you, listen!
701
00:25:18,150 --> 00:25:19,780
One of you says you have
a personal emergency
702
00:25:19,785 --> 00:25:21,015
and you need to borrow
Professor Blake's phone
703
00:25:21,020 --> 00:25:22,120
because both of your phones
704
00:25:22,121 --> 00:25:23,221
are dead, then
705
00:25:23,222 --> 00:25:24,656
one of you stays with him
706
00:25:24,657 --> 00:25:25,987
while the other one goes
to make the call
707
00:25:25,992 --> 00:25:28,092
and deletes the voice mail,
then you return
708
00:25:28,094 --> 00:25:29,934
the phone to Professor Blake
and you slip out.
709
00:25:29,935 --> 00:25:32,529
One champagne.
No champagne!
710
00:25:32,532 --> 00:25:34,302
Calm down, calm down, we
got this. This is easy.
711
00:25:34,303 --> 00:25:37,000
Yeah, it's like taking candy
from a baby.
712
00:25:38,905 --> 00:25:41,105
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Or leaving your babies.
713
00:25:41,107 --> 00:25:42,937
Honestly, I don't knowwhat's more shocking.
714
00:25:42,942 --> 00:25:45,010
Petra abandoning her children
715
00:25:45,011 --> 00:25:48,280
or Petra taking a bus.
716
00:25:48,281 --> 00:25:49,881
(moaning)
717
00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:51,782
Can't believe how
much I like this.
718
00:25:51,784 --> 00:25:53,652
You-you never had a massage?
719
00:25:53,653 --> 00:25:56,023
No.
720
00:25:57,156 --> 00:25:58,686
Well, they are
721
00:25:58,691 --> 00:26:00,721
very relaxing.
722
00:26:08,634 --> 00:26:09,834
So, Ro?
723
00:26:09,835 --> 00:26:11,635
Is everything cool with us?
724
00:26:11,637 --> 00:26:13,797
Yes, I understand
what you're saying.
725
00:26:13,806 --> 00:26:15,206
There should be a certain amount
726
00:26:15,207 --> 00:26:18,176
of decorum between father-in-law
and son-in-law.
727
00:26:18,177 --> 00:26:20,837
I don't need to hear everything.
728
00:26:20,846 --> 00:26:22,846
Okay, but the thing is,
729
00:26:22,848 --> 00:26:25,978
you did hear about
the strippers or whatever.
730
00:26:25,985 --> 00:26:28,215
Does that change
the way you feel about me?
731
00:26:28,220 --> 00:26:29,250
What?
732
00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:30,645
Of course not.
733
00:26:30,656 --> 00:26:32,656
(sighs)
Okay, good.
734
00:26:32,658 --> 00:26:34,728
I was worried.
735
00:26:36,062 --> 00:26:37,932
You were?
736
00:26:38,931 --> 00:26:41,231
Of course.
737
00:26:41,233 --> 00:26:42,973
What you think
really matters to me.
738
00:26:42,974 --> 00:26:44,736
More than anything.
739
00:26:44,737 --> 00:26:46,867
I mean...
(chuckles)
740
00:26:46,872 --> 00:26:48,740
I'm marrying your daughter.
741
00:26:48,741 --> 00:26:52,241
You're massaging my heart
right now, Michael Cordero.
742
00:26:52,244 --> 00:26:54,079
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Aw!
743
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:55,280
Looks like this massage
744
00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:57,749
has a happy ending after all!
745
00:26:57,750 --> 00:27:01,019
(both imitate small explosion)
746
00:27:01,020 --> 00:27:02,620
And just for the record,
747
00:27:02,622 --> 00:27:05,162
I couldn't imagine
anyone better for Jane.
748
00:27:05,163 --> 00:27:06,617
Oh...
749
00:27:06,626 --> 00:27:08,656
You are my dream man.
750
00:27:08,661 --> 00:27:10,791
JANE:
This is a nightmare.
751
00:27:10,796 --> 00:27:13,096
Here, this will take
the edge off waiting.
752
00:27:13,099 --> 00:27:14,159
I can't believe
this is happening!
753
00:27:14,166 --> 00:27:15,666
We got it!
Huh?
754
00:27:15,668 --> 00:27:17,836
Piece of cake!
You took it?
755
00:27:17,837 --> 00:27:18,967
We figured we'd
let you do the honors.
756
00:27:18,971 --> 00:27:20,238
Fine, give me that.
757
00:27:20,239 --> 00:27:22,939
Oh, yes, it doesn't
require a code.
758
00:27:22,942 --> 00:27:24,676
Sucker.
Ooh!
759
00:27:24,677 --> 00:27:26,007
(gasps)
Found my voice mail.
760
00:27:26,012 --> 00:27:27,182
He didn't listen!
Yes!
761
00:27:28,948 --> 00:27:30,348
(gasps)
What is that?
762
00:27:30,349 --> 00:27:31,949
His wallet.
What?!
763
00:27:31,951 --> 00:27:34,121
(phone beeping)
What is it doing?
764
00:27:34,122 --> 00:27:35,689
Oh, he has Find My Phone!
765
00:27:35,690 --> 00:27:36,948
What?!
Ditch it, quick!
766
00:27:36,956 --> 00:27:39,416
(grunts)
No!
767
00:27:40,726 --> 00:27:42,956
Now!
Aah! Gah!
768
00:27:42,962 --> 00:27:43,992
No!
For our blog!
769
00:27:43,996 --> 00:27:45,696
Leave it.
(both grunt)
770
00:27:45,698 --> 00:27:46,828
Run! Run!
771
00:27:56,742 --> 00:27:58,977
We really did it!
I can't believe we did it!
772
00:27:58,978 --> 00:28:00,108
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Me neither.
Now let's get back to partying!
773
00:28:00,112 --> 00:28:01,712
Wait, where's my mom?
774
00:28:01,714 --> 00:28:04,783
She went back to get the phones.
What phones?
775
00:28:04,784 --> 00:28:07,224
I guess she left her purse
with our phones in the bar?
776
00:28:07,225 --> 00:28:09,049
What?
Except yours!
777
00:28:09,055 --> 00:28:10,885
So we got her
an Uber and she's on it.
778
00:28:13,059 --> 00:28:14,459
(sighs)
779
00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:16,160
Chad's on the lookout.
780
00:28:16,162 --> 00:28:17,762
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And that's when...
781
00:28:17,763 --> 00:28:18,963
Your fiancé.
782
00:28:18,964 --> 00:28:21,166
...she saw him.
783
00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:23,367
And he saw her.
784
00:28:23,369 --> 00:28:25,439
Oh...
785
00:28:26,939 --> 00:28:28,209
Did you hear back from your mom?
786
00:28:28,210 --> 00:28:29,407
No, not yet.
787
00:28:29,408 --> 00:28:31,738
God, your skin looks amazing.
788
00:28:31,744 --> 00:28:32,844
Spasibo.
(laughs)
789
00:28:32,845 --> 00:28:34,075
That's thank you
in Russian.
790
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:35,447
Fancy.
I know.
791
00:28:35,448 --> 00:28:37,308
(phone chimes)
Oh, please, please, please.
792
00:28:37,316 --> 00:28:39,776
Finally.
793
00:28:41,387 --> 00:28:43,817
Ah...
I got this.
794
00:28:48,327 --> 00:28:49,957
Don't worry,
I'm in charge of your mom.
795
00:28:49,962 --> 00:28:51,096
Really?
796
00:28:51,097 --> 00:28:52,827
Really.
797
00:28:52,832 --> 00:28:54,299
LINA:
Good news,
798
00:28:54,300 --> 00:28:55,969
bachelors and bachelorettes,
799
00:28:55,970 --> 00:28:58,937
everyone is down for
an after-party at the Marbella.
800
00:28:58,938 --> 00:29:00,798
Should we do it?
801
00:29:00,806 --> 00:29:01,906
I don't know.
802
00:29:04,343 --> 00:29:05,777
Do you want to?
803
00:29:05,778 --> 00:29:07,208
I wouldn't mind a drink.
804
00:29:11,450 --> 00:29:13,780
Last night of freedom, right?
805
00:29:13,786 --> 00:29:14,786
Let's do it.
806
00:29:14,787 --> 00:29:17,447
¶ Hey, hey, hey, hey ¶
807
00:29:17,456 --> 00:29:21,326
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And do it, they did!
808
00:29:21,327 --> 00:29:24,457
¶ 'Cause we comin'
out tonight... ¶
809
00:29:24,463 --> 00:29:26,763
¶ Hey, hey, hip-hop hooray... ¶
810
00:29:26,766 --> 00:29:28,026
I am on it, I am
811
00:29:28,033 --> 00:29:29,033
(high voice):
on it!
Yeah!
812
00:29:29,034 --> 00:29:30,468
(laughs)
(whoops)
813
00:29:30,469 --> 00:29:32,039
¶ 'Cause we comin'
out tonight... ¶
814
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:33,337
Hey.
815
00:29:33,339 --> 00:29:35,509
I might have not
gone to college,
816
00:29:35,510 --> 00:29:39,038
but at least
I can dance, okay?
817
00:29:39,044 --> 00:29:40,944
Why are you being so mean?
818
00:29:40,946 --> 00:29:43,806
Oh, my God, Angela's been
so rude to me all night!
819
00:29:43,816 --> 00:29:46,046
What are you talking about?
Yeah, yeah.
820
00:29:46,051 --> 00:29:48,351
Asking questions...
That's Angela!
821
00:29:48,354 --> 00:29:50,054
That's why we call
her Weird Angela.
822
00:29:50,055 --> 00:29:51,355
I thought you said
she was brilliant.
823
00:29:51,357 --> 00:29:53,487
She is, and weird.
Angela?
824
00:29:53,492 --> 00:29:55,062
No! No!
Yes!
825
00:29:56,929 --> 00:29:59,799
Angela, Lina would like
to apologize to you.
826
00:30:01,066 --> 00:30:03,366
I'm sorry if I was
rude to you tonight.
827
00:30:03,369 --> 00:30:04,899
When were you rude?
828
00:30:06,071 --> 00:30:08,239
(mouths)
Who's thirsty?
829
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:09,840
Should I? I'm pretty wasted.
830
00:30:09,842 --> 00:30:11,009
I just texted your mom.
831
00:30:11,010 --> 00:30:12,080
She's pulling into the hotel.
832
00:30:12,081 --> 00:30:13,377
Do it.
833
00:30:13,379 --> 00:30:14,948
¶ Hey, hey, hip-hop hooray ¶
834
00:30:14,949 --> 00:30:16,507
¶ Pop a bottle
and flow all day... ¶
835
00:30:16,515 --> 00:30:18,075
Ah! (whoops)
836
00:30:18,083 --> 00:30:19,983
¶ Pop a bottle
and flow all day ¶
837
00:30:19,985 --> 00:30:22,945
¶ 'Cause we comin'
out tonight... ¶
838
00:30:22,955 --> 00:30:24,515
It is going down!
839
00:30:24,523 --> 00:30:26,223
Yeah?
840
00:30:26,225 --> 00:30:27,485
Yeah!
(whoops)
841
00:30:27,493 --> 00:30:29,227
(chimes tinkle)
842
00:30:29,228 --> 00:30:31,528
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is my honor
843
00:30:31,530 --> 00:30:33,530
and privilege
to welcome to the stage
844
00:30:33,532 --> 00:30:36,501
the Queen of Miami,
the Boss of the Beach,
845
00:30:36,502 --> 00:30:39,902
the Maiden of the Marbella...
846
00:30:39,905 --> 00:30:43,405
it's Sweet Lady Jane!
847
00:30:43,409 --> 00:30:45,039
(cheering)
848
00:30:45,044 --> 00:30:47,178
¶ ¶
849
00:30:47,179 --> 00:30:49,149
¶ First things first,
I'm Sweet Lady Jane ¶
850
00:30:49,150 --> 00:30:51,278
¶ And I'm-a drop lyrics
so sick, they insane ¶
851
00:30:51,283 --> 00:30:53,451
¶ Got the 305 and
I'm bringing the pain ¶
852
00:30:53,452 --> 00:30:55,452
¶ Got the fly boys screamin'
"That's Sweet Lady Jane" ¶
853
00:30:55,454 --> 00:30:58,189
¶ Got a secret for y'all:
it's my last night of freedom ¶
854
00:30:58,190 --> 00:31:00,190
¶ I'm like Don Quixote
and I'm finding my kingdom ¶
855
00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:02,192
¶ Got my king by my side 'cause
this queen likes to ride ¶
856
00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:05,029
¶ Far away from the baby mama
drama drama drama drama... ¶
857
00:31:05,030 --> 00:31:07,560
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
At least, that's what happenedin her head.
858
00:31:07,566 --> 00:31:10,466
In reality...Jane was really wasted.
859
00:31:10,469 --> 00:31:12,337
So it was more like this.
860
00:31:12,338 --> 00:31:13,368
Yeah!
Yeah!
861
00:31:13,372 --> 00:31:15,272
Yeah!
ALL:
Yeah!
862
00:31:15,274 --> 00:31:16,444
¶ Y'all say... ¶
The point was,
863
00:31:16,445 --> 00:31:18,109
she lost control.
864
00:31:18,110 --> 00:31:20,879
¶ I love you
like you love me... ¶
865
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:22,910
¶ Yo. Yo. ¶
(beatboxing)
866
00:31:22,915 --> 00:31:24,175
¶ It's gotta be great ¶
867
00:31:24,183 --> 00:31:25,550
¶ I cannot wait ¶
868
00:31:25,551 --> 00:31:27,651
¶ I wanna rock, I wanna roll ¶
869
00:31:27,653 --> 00:31:29,988
¶ I wanna be so gangster ¶
870
00:31:29,989 --> 00:31:32,619
¶ I'm gonna go slow,
real slow... ¶
871
00:31:36,295 --> 00:31:38,195
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, dear.
872
00:31:38,197 --> 00:31:40,957
Someone seems to behaving regrets.
873
00:31:44,103 --> 00:31:45,370
Wait a second.
874
00:31:45,371 --> 00:31:46,901
I wasn't awful.
875
00:31:46,906 --> 00:31:48,136
So awful.
876
00:31:48,140 --> 00:31:49,370
(laughing):
Oh, no!
877
00:31:49,375 --> 00:31:50,465
Lina, um, a-as your
friend, I feel like
878
00:31:50,476 --> 00:31:52,236
it's my duty
to let you know
879
00:31:52,244 --> 00:31:54,084
that guy Chad, who you like,
he's out in the hall, and...
880
00:31:54,085 --> 00:31:56,109
Oh!
881
00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:00,377
Oh, my God. You have
got to be kidding me.
882
00:32:01,654 --> 00:32:03,254
Mom?
883
00:32:04,089 --> 00:32:05,256
(exhales)
Uh...
884
00:32:05,257 --> 00:32:06,317
CHAD:
Wait, Lina, wait.
885
00:32:07,626 --> 00:32:09,486
Jane, I'm sorry.
886
00:32:09,495 --> 00:32:11,925
This is why I didn't want you
at my bachelorette party.
887
00:32:11,931 --> 00:32:13,431
Because I knew
this would happen.
888
00:32:13,432 --> 00:32:16,070
I knew you would act
like a drunk sorority girl.
889
00:32:16,071 --> 00:32:17,468
Wait. That's not fair.
890
00:32:17,469 --> 00:32:18,636
You're right.
891
00:32:18,637 --> 00:32:21,097
(crying):
It's not fair!
892
00:32:21,106 --> 00:32:23,436
You know why I'm such
a control freak, Mom?
893
00:32:23,442 --> 00:32:24,982
Because I grew up with you,
894
00:32:24,983 --> 00:32:27,307
and you are so out of control!
895
00:32:39,058 --> 00:32:41,458
Hey.
896
00:32:41,460 --> 00:32:43,190
I am so sorry.
897
00:32:43,195 --> 00:32:45,325
No.
898
00:32:45,331 --> 00:32:47,331
He was clearly a jerk.
899
00:32:47,333 --> 00:32:48,573
It's better I know now.
900
00:32:48,574 --> 00:32:50,297
Are you okay?
901
00:32:50,302 --> 00:32:52,470
I think this...
902
00:32:52,471 --> 00:32:54,739
and the Angela thing...
903
00:32:54,740 --> 00:32:56,610
It's like,
you're getting married,
904
00:32:56,611 --> 00:32:58,138
you have a kid,
905
00:32:58,143 --> 00:33:00,478
and I'm happy for you, I am.
906
00:33:00,479 --> 00:33:01,546
I know.
907
00:33:01,547 --> 00:33:03,077
But it just makes me think
908
00:33:03,082 --> 00:33:04,582
how everything is
moving forward for you,
909
00:33:04,583 --> 00:33:07,383
but I'm still sort of lost.
910
00:33:09,221 --> 00:33:11,151
I don't want to be
at the Marbella forever.
911
00:33:11,156 --> 00:33:12,286
And you won't be.
912
00:33:12,291 --> 00:33:13,291
Yeah.
913
00:33:13,292 --> 00:33:14,622
(sniffs)
914
00:33:14,626 --> 00:33:16,156
Do you want to make a list?
915
00:33:17,396 --> 00:33:18,756
What kind of list?
916
00:33:18,764 --> 00:33:21,102
Well, just like
a five-point action item list.
917
00:33:21,103 --> 00:33:23,400
Don't worry, it's, like,
the most basic type of list.
918
00:33:23,402 --> 00:33:25,002
Oh, my God,
919
00:33:25,004 --> 00:33:26,504
you have different
types of lists?
Of course.
920
00:33:26,505 --> 00:33:28,005
(laughs)
Hey, if you want
to be a stylist,
921
00:33:28,007 --> 00:33:29,637
you gotta come up
with a plan, right?
922
00:33:29,641 --> 00:33:31,709
Okay. Let's do it.
923
00:33:31,710 --> 00:33:35,380
And my mom owes you
an apology, of course.
924
00:33:35,381 --> 00:33:38,181
No. It's like
she helped me, kind of.
925
00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:40,423
Seeing that... you know?
I don't know.
926
00:33:40,424 --> 00:33:43,119
It's like a cautionary tale,
927
00:33:43,122 --> 00:33:45,192
right?
928
00:33:47,259 --> 00:33:49,059
(door opens)
929
00:33:49,061 --> 00:33:50,331
Mmm...
930
00:33:53,665 --> 00:33:55,125
I know.
931
00:34:01,740 --> 00:34:03,210
Oh...
932
00:34:05,677 --> 00:34:07,037
(sighs)
933
00:34:07,046 --> 00:34:10,446
I messed up, Ma.
934
00:34:10,449 --> 00:34:12,519
I really messed up.
935
00:34:40,412 --> 00:34:42,212
No...
936
00:34:42,214 --> 00:34:43,414
What the hell?
937
00:34:43,415 --> 00:34:45,645
Oh, we all got them. Bam!
938
00:34:45,651 --> 00:34:47,318
Oh, no!
939
00:34:47,319 --> 00:34:48,519
Yep.
940
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,250
Oh, my God...
941
00:34:50,255 --> 00:34:52,315
Yeah.
(giggles)
942
00:34:53,492 --> 00:34:54,692
Oh, I'm still drunk.
943
00:34:54,693 --> 00:34:55,663
I know.
944
00:34:55,664 --> 00:34:57,191
(giggles)
945
00:34:57,196 --> 00:34:59,856
But can I say something?
946
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:05,770
I love you so much.
947
00:35:05,771 --> 00:35:07,401
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
So, I guess we're backto gushing levels.
948
00:35:07,406 --> 00:35:09,436
And I'm not just gushing
because I'm drunk,
949
00:35:09,441 --> 00:35:11,741
I'm gushing
950
00:35:11,743 --> 00:35:14,612
because...
951
00:35:14,613 --> 00:35:17,348
I've been having trouble
with my vows.
952
00:35:17,349 --> 00:35:19,579
Distilling
what to say.
953
00:35:19,585 --> 00:35:22,385
And tonight I realized
954
00:35:22,387 --> 00:35:24,147
it's simple.
955
00:35:24,890 --> 00:35:27,590
With you...
956
00:35:27,593 --> 00:35:31,129
You make me feel safe,
957
00:35:31,130 --> 00:35:32,860
in the best way.
958
00:35:34,766 --> 00:35:38,496
And my mom kept telling me
to lose control,
959
00:35:38,504 --> 00:35:43,374
but I couldn't
until you got here.
960
00:35:43,375 --> 00:35:45,535
Because I know
you're watching over me.
961
00:35:45,544 --> 00:35:46,777
(sobs)
962
00:35:46,778 --> 00:35:48,148
Instead of me always having
963
00:35:48,149 --> 00:35:49,407
to watch over everyone else.
964
00:35:49,414 --> 00:35:51,149
So tonight is not
965
00:35:51,150 --> 00:35:52,550
my last night of freedom,
966
00:35:52,551 --> 00:35:55,491
it's my first night of freedom.
967
00:35:59,658 --> 00:36:01,888
And that's what I'm going
to put in my vows.
968
00:36:01,894 --> 00:36:04,664
Minus the whole
"mom out of control" part.
969
00:36:04,665 --> 00:36:08,366
Actually, I wanted to talk
to you about that.
970
00:36:08,367 --> 00:36:10,767
I've been feeling
a little stuck, and I,
971
00:36:10,769 --> 00:36:11,899
and I figured out why--
972
00:36:11,904 --> 00:36:14,438
during my massage.
973
00:36:14,439 --> 00:36:15,439
(laughs)
974
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:17,440
I realized that
some things
975
00:36:17,442 --> 00:36:19,442
are only meant for
certain people to hear.
976
00:36:19,444 --> 00:36:21,584
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Redneck Riviera, for example--
977
00:36:21,585 --> 00:36:23,610
not a story for fathers-in-law.
978
00:36:23,615 --> 00:36:25,875
And when it comes to
my feelings for you...
979
00:36:25,884 --> 00:36:29,394
you're the only person that
I want to share those with.
980
00:36:29,395 --> 00:36:31,518
So I was
wondering if...
981
00:36:31,523 --> 00:36:35,293
maybe we didn't put the
vows in the program...
982
00:36:35,294 --> 00:36:38,396
but instead I told
you them right now.
983
00:36:38,397 --> 00:36:39,627
(softly):
Yes.
984
00:36:39,631 --> 00:36:41,571
Yes, please.
985
00:36:42,768 --> 00:36:44,898
¶ ¶
986
00:36:47,406 --> 00:36:48,536
Jane...
987
00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:49,710
(whispers):
Yeah?
988
00:36:49,711 --> 00:36:51,538
¶ ¶
989
00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:54,843
Sorry, but remember,he wants these to be private.
990
00:36:54,846 --> 00:36:57,446
You'll just haveto take my word for it--
991
00:36:57,449 --> 00:36:59,449
they were perfect.
992
00:36:59,451 --> 00:37:01,821
¶ ¶
993
00:37:09,828 --> 00:37:12,528
Thank you.
And I am so sorry again
994
00:37:12,531 --> 00:37:14,861
for waking them up
when I got in last night.
995
00:37:15,867 --> 00:37:17,397
(sighs)
996
00:37:17,402 --> 00:37:19,472
(phone chimes)
997
00:37:26,545 --> 00:37:27,935
Huh.
998
00:37:27,946 --> 00:37:30,276
I-I get a warrant, he knows
you told me about it.
999
00:37:30,282 --> 00:37:31,412
So don't get a warrant.
1000
00:37:32,351 --> 00:37:34,619
Oh, come on, Michael.
1001
00:37:34,620 --> 00:37:37,620
We both know you're not
above bending the rules.
1002
00:37:37,623 --> 00:37:38,760
Those days are over.
1003
00:37:38,761 --> 00:37:40,857
It's all got to be
by the book now.
1004
00:37:40,859 --> 00:37:44,889
So apparently, Rafael tookmatters into his own hands,
1005
00:37:44,896 --> 00:37:48,496
and he got proof that hisbrother was telling the truth.
1006
00:37:48,500 --> 00:37:49,970
Thanks for letting me crash.
1007
00:37:50,969 --> 00:37:52,837
You okay?
Yeah.
1008
00:37:52,838 --> 00:37:54,298
Yeah.
1009
00:37:54,306 --> 00:37:55,766
For the first time,he trusts you.
1010
00:37:55,774 --> 00:37:57,644
Sorry, I'm just...
Are you hungry?
1011
00:37:57,645 --> 00:37:59,483
Yeah.
Here, let's get
some food, huh?
1012
00:37:59,484 --> 00:38:00,878
I'll pull up a menu.
1013
00:38:00,879 --> 00:38:02,579
What's that e-mail?
1014
00:38:02,581 --> 00:38:03,911
From the bank?
1015
00:38:05,584 --> 00:38:07,484
Oh, my God.
What?
1016
00:38:07,486 --> 00:38:09,986
Did I buy stock last night?
1017
00:38:09,988 --> 00:38:11,318
I don't know, man.
1018
00:38:11,323 --> 00:38:13,923
It's all kind of a blur.
(chuckles): Yeah.
1019
00:38:13,925 --> 00:38:15,785
Oh, my God, I did.
1020
00:38:15,794 --> 00:38:17,294
And I just...
1021
00:38:17,296 --> 00:38:19,056
made $5 million.
1022
00:38:19,064 --> 00:38:21,599
Okay. Wow.
1023
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:24,800
Uh... so we should probably get
our stories straight, right?
1024
00:38:24,803 --> 00:38:26,070
What do you mean?
1025
00:38:26,071 --> 00:38:28,809
Well, Brandon knew
they had the patent...
1026
00:38:28,810 --> 00:38:30,937
before they announced
it this morning.
1027
00:38:30,942 --> 00:38:33,542
You mean like...insider trading?
1028
00:38:33,545 --> 00:38:35,605
I'm sorry, I...
I thought you knew.
1029
00:38:35,614 --> 00:38:38,354
That's why...
I didn't want you to invest.
1030
00:38:39,318 --> 00:38:41,986
What a mess.
1031
00:38:41,987 --> 00:38:44,887
And from one mess to another.
1032
00:38:44,890 --> 00:38:46,820
(knocking)
1033
00:38:50,696 --> 00:38:53,696
Hey. Pastelitos.
1034
00:38:53,699 --> 00:38:55,366
Ah, yes.
1035
00:38:55,367 --> 00:38:57,467
An old family tradition.
1036
00:38:57,469 --> 00:38:59,539
(knocking)
1037
00:39:00,472 --> 00:39:02,707
Pastelitos from Isidoro's.
1038
00:39:02,708 --> 00:39:04,638
¶ ¶
1039
00:39:05,577 --> 00:39:08,037
I'm sorry about last night.
1040
00:39:08,046 --> 00:39:10,546
I-I was out of control.
1041
00:39:10,549 --> 00:39:13,079
It's just that
you're turning 21.
1042
00:39:13,085 --> 00:39:15,115
And you're getting married.
1043
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:16,820
(crying):
You're an adult now.
1044
00:39:16,822 --> 00:39:18,722
And what that does to me...
1045
00:39:18,724 --> 00:39:21,058
What that does to me-- well,
1046
00:39:21,059 --> 00:39:24,628
it makes me feel old, for one.
1047
00:39:24,629 --> 00:39:26,759
And it makes me realize...
1048
00:39:26,765 --> 00:39:28,825
that my big job is done.
1049
00:39:28,834 --> 00:39:30,067
Being a mom,
1050
00:39:30,068 --> 00:39:31,898
it's the only thing
1051
00:39:31,903 --> 00:39:33,943
I've been really successful at.
1052
00:39:33,944 --> 00:39:37,739
(sobbing):
And it makes me wonder...
1053
00:39:37,743 --> 00:39:39,943
what am I doing with my life?
1054
00:39:39,945 --> 00:39:42,005
¶ ¶
1055
00:39:42,013 --> 00:39:44,382
(crying): A-And I just
realized that I...
1056
00:39:44,383 --> 00:39:47,123
(chuckles) have
to figure it out, you know?
1057
00:39:48,653 --> 00:39:49,787
So I will.
1058
00:39:49,788 --> 00:39:51,148
And I'm sorry.
1059
00:39:51,156 --> 00:39:52,956
It's okay, Mom.
1060
00:39:52,958 --> 00:39:54,588
I know it's hard.
1061
00:39:54,593 --> 00:39:55,960
And I'm sorry.
1062
00:39:55,961 --> 00:39:57,991
And maybeit was Jane's hangover
1063
00:39:57,996 --> 00:40:00,156
or the fact thatit was the same apology
1064
00:40:00,165 --> 00:40:03,895
Xo had given four years beforeand four years before that,
1065
00:40:03,902 --> 00:40:05,902
but this time Jane said...
1066
00:40:05,904 --> 00:40:07,944
I don't want your apology, Mom.
1067
00:40:07,945 --> 00:40:09,939
I want you to grow up.
1068
00:40:09,941 --> 00:40:12,479
What are you talking about?
I'm plenty grown up.
1069
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:15,607
We've been having
the same conversation for years.
1070
00:40:15,614 --> 00:40:17,752
At this point,I should remind you
1071
00:40:17,753 --> 00:40:19,879
that Jane didn't lose controlvery often.
1072
00:40:19,885 --> 00:40:21,075
And I've had it.
1073
00:40:21,086 --> 00:40:22,916
Enough with all
the excuses
1074
00:40:22,921 --> 00:40:24,721
and the apologies.
1075
00:40:24,723 --> 00:40:26,056
At this point
1076
00:40:26,057 --> 00:40:27,857
you are just a cautionary tale.
1077
00:40:27,859 --> 00:40:30,889
But when she did, it was epic.
1078
00:40:33,999 --> 00:40:36,599
(taking deep breaths)
1079
00:40:38,603 --> 00:40:40,743
¶ ¶
1080
00:40:43,909 --> 00:40:46,609
Which brings us back to Petra.
1081
00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:48,811
¶ ¶
1082
00:40:48,814 --> 00:40:51,482
It should be notedthat Petra, too,
1083
00:40:51,483 --> 00:40:54,223
rarely lost control.
1084
00:41:00,125 --> 00:41:01,515
Oh, my God.
1085
00:41:01,526 --> 00:41:04,126
My long-lost sister!
It's you!
1086
00:41:04,129 --> 00:41:06,197
(laughs):
It's really you!
1087
00:41:06,198 --> 00:41:07,998
Oh!
1088
00:41:07,999 --> 00:41:09,967
Then again,
1089
00:41:09,968 --> 00:41:12,698
that isn't Petra.
1090
00:41:12,704 --> 00:41:14,704
(exhales)
76272
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