All language subtitles for James May Our Man in Japan S01E03 Deodorant

- Ooh!
- Yeah!

So far in my hard-hitting

current affairs series
about Japanese culture...

- What are you doing?
- I've successfully dishonored

- the Northern Islands...
- It's terrible.

Been put on a watch list
on the mainland...

I feel like a pervert.

And had a dunk with a monk

that we shall never
speak of again.

Yes, we are completely naked.

This time... this.

♪ Touch me, touch me now. ♪

- Trainspotters.
- Trainspotters.

Did you eventually
meet some girls?

Asa! Asa! Asa! Asa! Asa!

I finally hit the bustling hub
of what most of us think of

when we hear Japan: Tokyo.

So, how to begin?

A dreadfully amusing shot
of me being the tallest person

in a lift, perhaps.

Or maybe we should set
our sights a little higher.

Believe it or not,
everything you're going to see

out of the window
of this helicopter

began life over 900 years ago

as a fishing village called Edo.

This is the biggest urban area
on the planet.

38 million people.

It was also, of course,

largely destroyed
in World War II

by American firebombing.

Most of what you see today
is obviously post-war.

And then, of course,
you mustn't forget

that Godzilla, by my reckoning,

has destroyed Tokyo
at least 15 times.

Oh, my God, there it is now.
No, it isn't.

As usual, I've arranged to meet
with a local guide,

so I land my helicopter
on one of the quieter streets

and go to find him.

Presumably at
a suitably epic location.

Konnichiwa.

Which of this means "cats"?

Konnichiwa.

Hello, kitty.

I said, "Hello, kitty."

You'll have to kill me.

Wash your hands, please.

Thank you.

"No flash, please.
Don't hold a cat.

"Don't give food and drinks
to the cats.

If you're inflicted the injury,
only first aid."

- Okay.
- Thank you.

Hello.

Cat cafés like this one
have recently started

springing up here
and there in the West,

but as usual with flights
of whimsical madness,

Japan is far ahead of the curve.

In Tokyo,
you can find themed cafés

for dogs, rabbits,

snakes, owls,
hedgehogs, robots...

This is for mad cat people.

Well, it's quite tricky.

I think I'm gonna have
one of those

with chips and vegetables.

I think you're supposed
to choose

which cat
you would like to meet.

Yukinojou. Ragdoll.

I think that might be...

that one? Seven. Ow.

Konnichiwa.

- Konnichiwa.
- Are you Mr. James May?

I am.

Hello, sir.
Uh, it's a big honor.

My name is Samurai Yujiro.

- Oh, you're Yujiro.
- Yes.

Sorry. I thought you were
a mad cat person.

Konnichiwa.

- Konnichiwa.
- Sumimasen. Sumimasen.

- Your Japanese is better
than mine already.
- Fantastic.

- Yes.
- Are you really a samurai?

I decided
to get dressed as a samurai.

- Right.
- Because, literally,

"samurai" comes from
the word "saburau."

Means "to serve the master."

So I have decided
I want you to be my master.

And I'll be your samurai.

I'll be the servant.

- So, can I call you master?
- Um...

Master James?

Well, it's a bit weird,
but, um...

Okay. I'll call you "sensai."

- Oh, sensei. Sensei, yes.
- Sensei. Sorry.

"Sensai" means "deodorant."

- Okay, I'll call you that.
- Yeah.

Sensei, okay.

Master James.

- Yeah?
- Do you know the term sakura?

It's... Hang on.

Sakura is cherry blossom.

Absolutely, sir.

You have come at a perfect day.

The sakura today
is very beautiful.

It will be my huge honor
if I can kidnap you

all the way
to the great cherry blossom.

Would that be okay, sir?
Can I take you?

Yes, but we can just go on the
tube if you want, that's fine.

For a few brief days a year,

the cherry trees
famously flower,

showering parks
in Japan everywhere

with amazing pink petals.

But I can't really pay
attention to any of that.

I'm boggled by
my new samurai deodorant.

Uh, that way.

After the calm of rural Japan,

Yujiro's like Tokyo itself:

bigger, madder, and much louder.

- Uh, Master James.
- Yes, you don't have
to call me master, it's...

Okay, okay, sir.

- Master James, are you
a big fan of sausages?
- No.

Why have you brought me out
on a pink swan-stroke-duck?

We are riding on the pink duck

because cherry blossoms
are also pink.

- Yes, that makes sense.
- Yes.

I finally manage to focus
Yujiro's enthusiasm

back on the cherry blossom.

This is a sakura...

In Japan, their brief blooming
is celebrated

as being symbolic of life...

Beautiful but tragically short.

Just like Richard Hammond.

Tokyo citizens will take
the day off work

to sit under the sakura,

and Yujiro tells me he has
some friends doing just that.

And these are my lads, my mates.

- Your mates, your lads.
- Yeah.

James May...

Konnichiwa. Konnichiwa.

Konnichiwa. Arigato.

Shoes.

Oh, shoes, shoes.

Shoes!

- Yes.
- Sumimasen.

- Taking me shoes off.
- Yes. Yeah, yeah.

- Cheers.
- Yes.

No, not cheers!
We have to do it Japanese way.

James...
Kanpai!

Kanpai!

Are you hungry?

- Hung... hungry?
- Not really.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah...
- Okay, yes.

- Yes, I am hungry.
- You have to say yes.

- Yes.
- You have to say yes.

- Yes, okay, yes.
- Japanese bento.

- Yes.
Japanese bento.
Whoa...!

- Oh, that looks fantastic. Yes.
- Oh, my God!

- Yes.
- Whoa...!

- Who made it?
- Oh, uh, my... wife.

His wife made it for you!

My God!

Ah, the quiet,
peaceful cherry blossom.

- So, Master James.
- Yes?

The Japanese love
the so-called...

- the "brevity of life."
- Well, that's the thing

that baffles me.

Yes.

You celebrate...

- Yes.
- That life is short...

- Yes.
- And will end soon.

- Absolutely, sir. Yes.
- Is that right?

Yes. Japan is a land
of conformity.

We are ostensibly
a homogenous nation,

- Yes.
- With, uh,

sakura trees everywhere

across the nation.

So it's something that unites

the heart of our people.

Yes.

So why has everybody
suddenly left?

Is it because I've arrived?

- Because it started raining.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

It turns out even cherry blossom

isn't as fleeting
as a Japanese picnic

once it starts raining.

A Tokyo gathering
is a world away

from the quiet and cozy
Obihiro yatai hut

from my very first day.

But I feel every bit as welcome.

- So, Master James.
- Yes?

Can I wrap it up with
Japanese type of ending?

- Sure.
- Okay.

Okay.

In the beginning, you have
to say, "Yo." That's your job.

-Yo.
-Okay? Okay, ready?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yo.
- Yo.

Hey!

Hey!

Right, that's good.

Arigato.

Yes.

Well, I was advised that he was

a little bit bonkers,
and that's putting it lightly,

but, you know, I don't mind
that sort of thing.

And... let's be honest,
his English is fantastic,

his local knowledge
is fantastic,

and he's quite amusing.

I find the whole master-servant
thing a little bit...

kinky.

But as long as he's not
expecting anything later on,

that's fine.

As the sun sets across the city,

the streets come alive
with a very particular part

of Japanese culture.

Like the werewolves of Tokyo,
these are the salarymen.

Their lifestyle all
revolves around

two very Japanese concepts
of behavior:

"honne" and "tatemae."

To explain more, here's
my advisory antiperspirant.

Salaryman... men...
Or man who receives salary

- from the company,
literally speaking.
- Right.

- We say salaryman.
- Salaryman.

I read about, is it honne?

Honne and... not tatami.

- Ah, yes. Yes.
- That's a type of carpet.

- We're not talking about
carpet here, Master James.
- No, no, no.

-Yes, very close.
Honne to tatemae.
-Tatemae.

One is the... diplomatic face

- that you use at work.
- Yeah, tatemae.

Like devotion.
It's like...

Uh, s-some, some people say
human sacrifice.

- Ooh.
- In a way.

Japan is a land of conformity.

And even if you hate
your boss, you obey.

Overly submissive.
So you're stressed out.

But there is an unwritten rule
that says when you go,

you know, "Hey, hey, kanpai"
with your work colleagues,

then, mm-mm... you've had...

- That's-that's honne.
- Then you can be honest.

- Yes.
- Really honest.

Be honest, your true feelings.
That's honne.

The Japanese is very much work...
Work very hard, work very long,

drink like hell, fall over,

get up, go back to work.

- And-and puke. Puke.
- And puke.

I decide to seek out
some salarymen with Yujiro,

if only so that he can
practice some honne

and start calling me a bellend
rather than bloody "master."

Where do you work?

At a bank.

- Bank?
- Bank.

M and A.
Merger and acquisition.

- You know, like investment.
- Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Same-same company.
- Together?

Is it very hard work?
Is it very tough?

Do you feel a lot of pressure?

Very.

- Very much.
- Very much?

In Japan, you're not allowed
to say what you think.

And basically
you have to say a tatemae,

which is something that
respects the other person,

and you have to say something
that is good

for the other person.

So you have to kind of suppress
your own opinion

and respect others.

Especially if someone is
older than-than you, so...

But what if you've had,
say, eight Asahis?

- Eight Asahis?
- Yeah.

- Oh, then that's
a different question.

In Britain, after a heavy one,

you'd end up outside
a kebab shop somewhere

distributing lumps of doner meat

and salad on the pavement.

But not in Japan.

- Yes.
- Yes.

Let's go!

Karaoke recently experienced

something of a renaissance
in the West,

especially with video games
like SingStar

letting you be irritating
in the home.

But here in Tokyo,
karaoke never left.

♪ USA... ♪

Our impromptu karaoke session

suddenly turns
into a free-for-all,

with half of Tokyo deciding
to bundle into our booth

so we can experience
the spirit...

And, indeed, the spirits...
Of honne.

- Kanpai!
- Kanpai!

At least Yujiro can't get
any more out of control.

♪ Touch me ♪

♪ Touch me now,
whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Touch me, touch me now. ♪

Come on. Oh, yeah!

Yeah. All right.

Ooh!

Because of complex international
music licensing laws,

we're only allowed to show you
the very briefest clip

from this next song.

♪ There's not a problem
that I can't fix ♪

♪ 'Cause I can do it
in the mix ♪

♪ And if your man
gives you trouble ♪

♪ Then you get out
on the double ♪

♪ And you don't let it
trouble your brain ♪

♪ And away goes trouble
down the drain. ♪

Trust me, that was enough.

I'm not... I'm not really sure
what to make of all that,

because it's not how I'd
normally spend a Friday night.

In a small, hot room
with some other blokes

singing songs
I've never heard of,

but it was actually
quite good fun.

God knows how we're going
to edit it together,

but it's not a problem
we can't fix.

We can do it in the mix.

In the mix.

After a night of vehemently
insisting that I did,

in fact, build this city
on rock and roll,

I'm a bit bleary this morning.

But you do have to hand it
to the Japanese.

The culture does work.

They've retained
their manufacturing industry,

despite ten years
of a flatlining economy,

and if that means
you have to sing

"Last Night a DJ Saved My Life"

with eight big glasses
of Asahi on board,

well, then that's what it takes.

Today I'm going to a festival,

if I can continue
to speak properly

and remain alive
for the rest of this journey.

Yujiro's told me there's a
traditional spiritual gathering

happening in nearby Kawasaki,

which sounds about the quiet
pace I can currently handle.

Here we are
at the Kanayama Shrine.

Kanayama Jinja in Kawasaki City.

Kawasaki City's about,
what, uh, 20 kilometers

- from the center of Tokyo.
- Yes.

And today, we have this,
uh, penis festival.

This apparently is
the annual Kanamara Matsuri...

The festival
of the steel phallus,

a religious
fertility celebration

where people will come
from miles around to look upon

all this and say, "Oh, cock."

In England,
you don't have penis festivals?

Not as far as I'm aware.

Well, welcome to the land
of the rising penis.

- And the queue is for?
- This queue?

- Yes.
- Well,

this is the Kanayama Jinja,
Kanayama Shrine.

The god of sexuality

and, uh, to celebrate fertility.

I think
they want big, big families.

- Yes.
- Yes, sir.

Is an erect penis as beautiful
as the cherry blossom?

Because sometimes
it seems to be as fleeting.

Is anybody embarrassed
by the idea

of giant phalluses
being paraded around the town?

Next to a-a nursery school,
as it turns out.

A problem
I struggle with every day.

So, it turns out
that looking like a dickhead

is part of the point.

This is a chance to embrace

a healthy sex education
in a rather repressed society.

Back in the shrine,
a young trainee priest

is performing
the symbolic ritual

of lighting a candle,

which announces the start
of the parade.

The spark of life
from the flint represents...

You guessed it... a penis.

Oh, well. It happens
to the best of us.

Yujiro's volunteered me
to take part in the procession.

Presumably because I have
prior experience

supporting bellends.

We're gonna have
this penis gigantic, uh...

A float?
Yeah, like a carnival float?

I guess so, yes,
and, uh, we will

walk all around this whole city,

and we praise
the god of sexuality.

- Penis and, uh, the lady garden.
- Yes.

No. He's saying don't move yet.

Asa!

- Asa! Asa!
- Asa! Asa!

Asa! Asa!

Asa! Asa! Asa! Asa!

- Asa! Asa! Asa!
- Asa! Asa! Asa!

Unfortunately,
being the tallest here,

all the weight of the float
is focused on my shoulder.

- Asa! Asa!
- Have you got enough yet?

Come on, James.
You can do it. Asa.

- Asa. Asa.
- I'm too tall!

- Asa! Asa!
- Asa! Asa!

-Asa! Asa!
-Asa! Asa!
-Yujiro?

- Yeah.
- I'm dying!

But you're British samurai.

You're strong. Asa!

-Asa!
-Asa!
-How's your leg?

Bad. It's not my leg.
It's my face!

- Are you running out of energy?
- Yes!

I'm 6,000 miles from home,
I'm in pain,

I'm carrying a giant penis,

and I have no idea
what "asa" means.

Asa! Asa! Asa!

I've given it
to the production executive.

Asa! Asa!

- He's too tall, as well.
- Asa! Asa! Asa! Asa!

You made history today, James.
You're the...

I think
you're the first British man

- to participate
in this Kanamara Festival.
- Am I?

Yeah! In the front row!

- You're the leader.
- And the last.

- Yeah, but...
- Don't do that. That hurts.

- But... does it hurt?
- Yeah.

- It did, huh?
- I think it snapped.

- How about your thighs? Yeah?
- Don't touch that, either.

For a people known
for being reserved,

the Kanamara Festival
is both eye-opening

and heartwarming.

Today, all sexualities
are being celebrated openly.

As well as people who are

genuinely just simply wanting
a baby here, you've got...

well, everybody's taste, really.

You've got L, G, B, T, Q,
plus, Yujiro.

The lot.

Now, a lot of people
watching this might find

all of this distasteful, but
in the end, it's only a penis.

Statistically,
everybody's got half of one.

Which penis
is your favorite, James?

Mine.

Something Japan
is best known for...

Apart from, now,
giant phalluses...

Is ingenious gadgets and tech.

This is a super gadget shop
I recommend.

We are in Akihabara,

Tokyo's hub for solutions
to problems

that no one has ever identified.

And where I experience firsthand

the Yujiro shopping channel.

This is a, uh, backpack

to carry your animal.

A dog or cat.

- What is that?
- It's-it's a mask.

It blocks tiny particles
from the pine trees...

- Like hay fever?
- Yes.

- It also makes you look a tit.
- Yes.

It's an ear cleaner.

But if I clean your ears,

the video inside of your ears

is displayed on your iPhone.

- Isn't that fantastic?
- No.

- What do you think this is?
- I don't know.

- I've no idea what that is.
- It's a dish cleaner.

- What?
- There you go.

What is the point
of that, really?

- You're not gonna buy this?
- No, I'm not.

As well as the smaller
Aladdin's caves of Akihabara,

there are towering shrines
to tech.

When I first came to Tokyo

25 years ago,
you could buy things

that you simply
didn't see anywhere else,

like a little credit card

that held phone numbers
and addresses.

This was before we had
smartphones and what have you,

but these days
that's not the case, because

we get the same electronics
everywhere.

But there's one area
of cutting-edge tech

where Japan definitely
sits on the throne.

Ah, here's something
we need to address, Yujiro.

Uh, toilets.

The Japanese khazi.

- This is oshiri.
- This very helpful,

uh, little graphic means

- "ass wash."
- Yes, ass. Yes, yes.

- And some of them play a tune
as well, don't they?
- Yes.

So that if you do a big fart,

you're not embarrassed,
is that right?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- In England, people just sing

"Roll Out the Barrel" or
something to cover up the noise.

The-the latest models

have these automatic,
self-washing,

um, how do you say?
Uh, program.

- It cleans itself,
the latest model.
- All righty.

- Latest model. But...
- Ah, right, okay.

-Now, that's why this
is the expensive one, then?
-Absolutely, but if, um,

you can adjust
how strong you want the water

- to, you know,
clean your asshole.
- Yes, yes.

- Uh, your bidet.
- Yes. Yes.

- Your-your sensitive crotch.
- Yes. Okay.

You can even wash your face
with this, you know.

You can, I mean, theoretically.

When you press the... here,
the-the water comes out,

you can, you can, theoretically.

But you-you don't have to.

- Right.
- Yes.

- Shall we cut?
- Yes.

Akihabara

isn't just a center for gadgets.

It's a hub
for all geeky interests,

from manga to video games.

As such, it's a home
for a very important sector

of Japanese society.

The "otaku," which translates
roughly as "super geek."

The difference between
super geeks here

and in Britain, for example,
is that,

here they're not derided.

They are embraced,
they are welcomed

as a necessary part
of the social fabric.

And the greatest of all
super geeks are, of course...

Tetsudo mania, or trainspotters.

Trainspotters.

Japanese trains
are so efficient,

if they are late, they often
have to issue certificates

to all the passengers,
or their workplaces

won't believe it happened.

This means Tokyo is
a trainspotter's paradise.

Yujiro's arranged for me
to meet two trainspotting otaku

at a model-railway themed café
around the corner.

Because of course there is.

- Konnichiwa.
- Konnichiwa.

Konnichiwa.

Excellent.

Do you have to be secret

about your train obsession?

- Ah...
- Oh...

Oh, I know.
I think I know what you mean.

Yeah. Yeah. He didn't have...
What you say?

He couldn't grab the heart
of the girls in his classroom.

- Because you liked trains?
- Yeah.

- Uh, trains, trains...
- And when you start
riding trains...

Train. Train.

- Taking pictures is... mm...
- Ah...

Did you eventually
meet some girls?

No.

Takahiro-san is
so obsessed with trains...

he actually achieved

15 minutes of fame in Japan
with a top 20 single

where he mimicked
platform announcements.

No, really.

I mean, it's still better
than Coldplay.

And that's not all.

You can...
I heard you do noises.

You can do beatbox train noises?

- Yes.
- Can you do Shinkansen?

That's the Japanese
bullet train.

- That's quite good, isn't it?
- Whoa...

Yes!

- Bravo! Bravo!
- Yes.

Can you do...? I don't know

- if you can see this.
- Yes.

There's a small...
looks like a German steam.

Made in Japan.

- That's Japanese
steam locomotive? Okay.
- Yes.

Can you...
can you do the noise of that?

This is...

- Whoa! Bravo!
- That's fantastic.

That is a realistic
chuffing sound.

Domo arigato gozaimasu.

Closing.

- Okay.
- End of interview.

Okay.

My new otaku friends take me
to Shibuya Station

so I can observe them
in the wild.

And, as luck would have it,

an incredibly rare train
has just pulled in.

For Minamida-san,
it's all too much.

Here it comes.

Yeah.

Should I bow to it?

- Because it's exceptional.
- Whoa!

It is old style.

James, it said
that is a Tokyu Line

90th anniversary model.

In case you didn't
quite get that,

that was a 90th anniversary
liveried

Tokyu 5122.

I'm not doing the noises.

I can't help but notice
that every train station

in Tokyo seems to have
its own catchy jingle.

And there's ano...

There it is.

- Whoa.
- What... So, do you do

- jingle dances all the time?
- Yeah.

That was a jingle.

- Jingle maker. Jingle composer.
- Yeah.

Jingle...
Yeah, that's what he said.

You must meet Mr. Mukaiya,

- the composer of this jingle.
- I'd-I'd love to...

I would love to meet
Mr. Mukaiya, a jing...

- A train jingle composer. Yes.
- Yeah.

Domo arigato gozaimasu
for showing us your trains.

We have to leave you.

So wait till the ne...
The jingle comes.

Then we'll leave this scene
with a jingle dance,

away from the station, okay?

So, it's gonna come any second,
I think.

So, acting on this hot tip,

I decide to see if I can find
and meet this Mr. Mukaiya,

the train station composer.

Yujiro's got
the rest of the day off,

but I'm sure
I can cope by myself.

Well, I had imagined

that Mr. James May
would be a typical gaijin,

or a ter-term as a foreigner
as a... in Japanese.

But he has turned out to be,
in a way, a real samurai.

What did I do?

Yes.

He-he knows so much
about this country.

Yes. Sumimasen.

- Uh, sumimasen.
- Sumimasen.

James understands the background

of these Japanese
mythical world.

Yellow line.

- O-Okay? Okay?
- Okay. Sumimasen, huh?

Sumimasen.

He is the blue-eyed
British samurai.

- Camera, camera.
- Camera. Yes.

- YouTube?
- YouTube?

- No, no, no, no, no.
- YouTube. Ah, no.

Not YouTube.
Well, maybe.

This bit might be on YouTube.

Having shaken the rozzers,

I finally find
Mr. Mukaiya's HQ.

It's a paradise for train nerds
and even has

its own working
Tokyo underground simulator.

- Here.
- Oh, there.

- Oh, on the red triangle.
- Yes.

- Okay.
- Okay.

The... it's right there!

No!

The 200-plus jingles
Mr. Mukaiya has written

are played constantly
at Japanese stations,

which technically makes him

one of the world's
most-played musicians.

You've got seven seconds
and you have

to capture the character

of the station.

Is the... is the name
of the station

- an inspiration?
- Name of the station. Yeah.

So let's say
the-the station is my name.

It's called James May Station.

- James May.
- "May" is like

a Japanese word, isn't it?

Ja-Jame-Jame-James May.

And it's an outside Tokyo...

James May. Outside Tokyo.

- Just write, like, a...
- Yeah.

- Like a James May.
- That's quite nice.

- ♪ James May. ♪ Yes.
- ♪ May. James May. ♪

Is this keyboard going? Yeah.

I was thinking...
♪ James May, sumimasen. ♪

Because I'm...

'Cause it has

- almost a bow at the end.
- Okay, okay, okay.

- It needs a little bow.
- All right.

- 'Cause I say "sumimasen."
- To try.

Try the... ♪ James May ♪

♪ James May. ♪

Or it could even be, um...

B flat, ninth chord.

- Oh, that's nice. Yes.
- Okay.

It is more sophisticated, yes.

- Okay, we did it.
- You did it.

I think it's fabulous.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you very much.

All we need to do now is build
James May Sumimasen Station

on the Tokyo subway.

♪ James-u May-u ♪

♪ Sumimasen. ♪

♪ James May ♪

♪ Sumimasen. ♪

I never thought meeting
a subway jingles composer

would leave me
feeling creatively inspired,

but I've decided
to book myself in

for a thoroughly artistic day.

First, I'm headed
to a little oasis of calm

in the Wakamiya district

to hone my quickly stagnating
haiku skills.

And I've brought Yujiro
to stop me getting arrested.

-Konnichiwa.
-Konnichiwa.
-Konnichiwa.

James-san. Yujiro-san.

Hana Fujimoto and Toru Kiuchi
are venerated haiku masters.

Fujimoto-san writes
for a popular haiku magazine,

and Kiuchi-san
is the vice president

of the Haiku International
Association.

If you were going
to judge haiku,

what would you look for?

Or what would your...
What would your advice be?

When I-I'm writing haiku,

I write... I catch a moment.

The clear image.

Just like a photo, photograph.

Like a snapshot.

A moment.

At the end of my trip,
in about four weeks' time,

I want to write one haiku

that says everything I feel

about my journey across Japan.

Can I send that to you?

And then you can give me
an honest critique

and send it back.

Oh, sure.

May I read you some

- of my original haiku...
- Okay.

And you can give me,
maybe, marks out of ten?

Or five?

Or five, seven and five?

This was written when we,
um, spent the day

with a katana maker,

a Japanese swordsmith.

"The fire roars, the snow

"Gathers at the forge threshold,

Clamoring for peace."

- You like that one?
- Oh, yeah.

Um, this is when I had
a boil appeared on my chin

early on in the trip.

"Land of volcanoes,

"Who thought your next eruption

Would be on my face?"

"Ah, Matsushima,

"The spring morning is windy;

I blame the noodles."

"Going for a poo,

"I drop off my boots and wear

Your flip-u-flop-u."

Flip-u-flop-u.

- Flip-u-flop-u?
- Flip-u... Oh.

Flip-flop is...

Flip-flop...

Yes, beach sandals.
But in Japanese,

I thought they would be

- "flip-u-flop-u."
- Flip-u-flop-u.

I may cancel the book launch.

- That's it, I'm afraid.
- Good.

- Yeah, the last one
is very good.
- Thank you.

Domo arigato.
I've learned a lot.

Like a haiku,
you have said a lot

with very few words.
Fantastic.

- You're welcome.
- Arigato gozaimashita.

My haiku genius was
clearly lost in translation.

I have to say, though,

even though
we're still very much in Tokyo,

escaping from the sight
of the big city,

even for a few moments,

has me thinking
just what is it I'm looking for

in my quest to understand Japan.

I'm wrestling with a bit
of an inner conflict here,

because the thing
I've always loved about Japan

is that it's so Japanese.

And everything about it
is completely Japanese.

Normal everyday things
like having your breakfast,

going to the shops
to buy something,

it's-it's... that's what makes it
so intriguing and so exciting.

But what
I'm actually doing there

is celebrating monoculturalism.

So, by that token, I ought to be
the sort of person who says,

"Britain should remain British."

But I don't think that.

I like Britain
being multicultural.

Because it improves the food,
obviously.

So where does that leave me?

I am very close to being one
of those people

who goes to visit
Maasai warriors and says,

"Oh, isn't it wonderful that
they still live in mud huts?

I hope this doesn't become
spoiled by tourism."

Similarly, the East has bled
into Western culture, too.

So, speaking of improved food

and to somewhat demonstrate
my point,

Yujiro and I decide to stop
at a sushi place for lunch,

the sort of thing
that would have once seemed

bewilderingly alien
but is now a Western staple.

Hello, viewers. You join us
at a very exciting lunch.

This is kaiten sushi,
which means, uh,

sushi going round
on a conveyor belt.

"Round and round," it means,
"kaiten."

Now, there's two ways to get
the food. You can take it off

- the conveyor. The plates are...
- Excuse me, James.

- Yes.
- That's a...

- that's a bloody gaijin manner.
- What?

- You never...
- Oh, sorry.

- Put your chopsticks like this.
- Oh, uh...

- All right, now...
- Yeah, like this.

- Very rude, yes.
- Okay.

- You're-you're bollocks.
- Sumimase...

Yes. Yes.

That's not how you use
"bollocks."

- Okay. Th... Uh...
- I'll explain

"bollocks" to you later.

- Yes.
- Sumimasen.

- Okay.
- Now, there are several ways

to select the food.

But to start with,
let's say, have this one.

Shit, that was a bit slow.

"Bollocks," as you would say.

- Yes.
- And then you eat it

with your chopsticks.

- And wasabi. Yes.
- And wasabi.

Then you say "itadakimasu."

Absolutely. To-Totally perfect.

- Itadakimasu.
- And then-then you pick it up

with your chopsticks
and you shove it in your face,

- like that. Okay?
- Yes.

Perfect. Itadakimasu.

Should we try ordering
something?

-Yes. Ha...
-So, if we go to...
I would like to have

- salmon roe. Ikura.
- Yeah.

Order.

I can see something coming.

-This is exciting.
Are you ready?
-Yeah.

- Ah, look, there's ours.
- Yes.

Ikura. Here you are.

Even if you're used
to sushi places, though,

as usual,
Tokyo is one step ahead.

Over 50% of the sushi
is made by robots.

So, like, for example,
this is rice, right?

Shari.

This was made by a robot.

And a human just put
the topping right here.

Like this.
So, these robots here,

it is said that,

in one second
they can make one plate.

In just one second.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I didn't know that.

- That was egg.
- That was egg.

- Yeah.
- And, furthermore,

- in here, in Kurasushi,
- Yeah.

If you insert five plates
inside this little...

- What do you say?
- The bin.

Bin. There's a lottery.

- You want to try?
- Yeah.

Please do.

Uh, well,
I'll have to take a couple...

- So, I just put them
in there, yes?
- Yeah, yes.

- One. Two.
- One-one. Two.

- Three. Four.
- Three. Four.

Five. There you go.

Let's see.

So, there you go. There you go.

Wait. Yes! You won!

- You won!
- So, do I get a...?

You're such a...

See, look! Yeah!

Oh, my God,
you're a lucky bastard.

Usually you don't win this
at-at a first try.

- You like it?
- I love it.

- Here you are. Here.
- Oh. Arigato, James.

- Furthermore, James,
we put the plate here, right?
- Yes.

Actually, there's a river.
River is flowing.

So the plates we put in

goes automatically
to the kitchen.

So everything's automatic.
Everything's AI.

Robot, robot, robot.

Rationalization, I guess. Yes.

Arigato gozaimasu.

Arigato.
Soon we'll be robots, as well,

and there will be no need
for television presenters.

And that will be a good thing.

Goodbye.

My next stop is to explore

something else
that's seen a huge surge

of popularity in the West:
anime.

Japan has been a world leader
in animation

for over a hundred years,
and you just have to have

a quick browse through
modern streaming services

like Net and Hu and Amazon

to see what a cultural
phenomenon it's become,

from family-friendly fare
like Studio Ghibli

to more, uh, adult stuff.

Yujiro's brought me to
the Yoyogi Animation Academy,

the oldest and largest anime
and manga school in Japan.

I can't read manga, obviously,

because my Japanese
is limited to ordering beers

and sashimi, but I've-I've had
some translated

for me by Japanese speakers,
and some of it,

it-it delves
into quite dark corners

of human consciousness,
like loneliness,

depression, violence,

uh, terrible relationships,
terrible work problems.

All these things are covered,
aren't they?

All the things that you would
expect in big dramas in film.

- It's all in manga.
- Yeah.

It is just part of literature.

There's manga
for every situation in Japan:

happy, uh, sad, angry.

In Japan, uh, expressing
something with a picture

has been a part of our culture
for several hundred years.

Is it possibly because your-your
language... or kanji, anyway...

- is really based
around the idea of pictures?
- Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. And it's easy to imagine,
like, um, certain characters.

So it's e...
When it comes out in kanji,

it's easier to imagine
what the word means.

Classes at the Yoyogi Academy

aren't just
about hunching over a desk

with a stylus.

Here a voice-over acting class

starts
with a warm-up introduction

of saying your name anime-style.

- James-san.
- James-san!

And to study movement,

there's a visit
from a sword master.

Of course,
the blue-eyed, British samurai

held his own.

The school is currently
producing a feature film,

and I'm invited
to the auditions.

Apparently, there's a potential
role I'd be perfect for.

The improvisation
is very important

in voice-overs, yes.

So, Japan update,
subject: anime.

I've got a part,

owing to my excellent
Japanese language skills.

I'm a dog.

I appear to have somehow passed
the audition stage.

Great dog!

Time for the real record.

The story is an emotive tale

about three boys
going on an adventure

to find a miracle flower
of happiness.

But audiences
will clearly be flocking to it

for the breakout performance
of Fido Number 2.

The review of the day's footage
seems to go down well.

So, with a career in canine
vocalization beckoning,

it's time to graduate
from the Yoyogi Academy.

And, indeed,
it's time to leave Tokyo.

But before I do, there's
one more artistic destination

that apparently can't be missed.

Yujiro, typically, downplays it.

I'm honored to take you
to this super exhilarating

Japanese experience, sir.

This is something unreal
that's gonna blow your mind.

- Something unbelievably amazing.
- Well, that's a relief.

- Are you ready for that?
- Yes.

Wow.

For once,
Yujiro's unhinged enthusiasm

is actually on the money.

It's astonishing.

This is Borderless,

a cutting-edge
digital art installation

from the Japanese group teamLab,

who've successfully managed
to visualize

what it must look like
inside Brian Eno's head.

If I lie down,
do I disappear in the flowers?

It's all done
with a huge network

of hundreds of computers
and projectors...

How does it look?

Which all come together
to create

the same
state-of-the-art experience

you could get in the '60s
by drinking

from the wrong beaker
at a party.

Oh, I hope that's what it's like
being dead.

It'll be fantastic.

The exhibit is an astonishing
10,000 square meters,

or roughly half the size
of the Genesis concept album.

Look at that.

And, just to complete the trip,

the projections even respond
to your own movement.

At least, I think they do.

Here come the birds.

There are 50 digital artworks
on display,

but they constantly change,

blend and merge with each other,

and even move
into different rooms.

Look, there's a moose.

Look at that.

Of course,
this being modern Japan,

the installation has fast become

one of the most Instagrammed
places in the country.

It's amazing, isn't it?

But putting away the smartphone
and just drinking in

the surreal atmosphere
is a transcendent experience.

That is very disconcerting.

Can I go that way?

Ho!

Have you looked up?

- Look up.
- Oh, wow.

Exhibits include
the Crystal World room...

I'm completely lost,
but I don't think I mind.

The Forest
of Resonating Lamps...

and the even more catchy

Memory of Topography
experience...

where I reunite

with an equally lost Yujiro.

- So, how do you like it?
- Welcome to the afterlife.

- Thank you.
- It's fantastic, isn't it?

Yes, it's a big honor

meeting you
in the afterlife, too.

It's...

it's so real, you know?

Yeah.

So digital but so real.

If we move three paces that way,
it'll change.

- Really?
- Watch this. I think so.

As I walk through the fields
of digital lilies

and cherry blossom with
my faithful samurai aerosol,

with the ancient
meeting the new all around us,

I think back
on my time in Tokyo.

Japan's shifting, both between
its past and its future

and between East and West,

is never more apparent
than here.

As with most big capital cities,

there's a multiculturalism here

that's a marked difference
to my rural adventures

to this point.

Yes, a lot of it
is still bizarre,

but technology, anime, karaoke,

sushi, even novelty cafés...
We're getting more used

to this sort of thing
in the West every day.

And the bleeding
of West into East

is at its strongest here, too.

I actually think
it's worth coming

to Tokyo just to see that.

- Yeah?
- Wherever you live
in the world. Yeah.

- How did you like it?
- It's fabulous.

- Fancy a cheeseburger?
- Cheeseburger.

Yes, everything
is American here.

Yes, Big Mac.

Tokyo. Do you know what?

There are a lot of tired,
old clichés attendant upon it.

I'm sure we've all heard about
the ten-pounds-a-pint beer,

the exclusively raw fish diet,

the gridlocked traffic,

the impenetrable
language barrier on signs.

And it was like that
when I first came here

about a quarter
of a century ago,

but it's not really
like that anymore.

I have to speak as I find.

Tokyo has changed a bit.

Tokyo is not as Japanese

as it once was.

Still, if you're a fan
of the old ways,

join me in a future episode,
where I will be in Kyoto,

where everything's made
of real wood,

and I'll be looked after
by a geisha.

Until then, sumimasen.

Exiting...

No...

♪ James May, sumimasen. ♪