All language subtitles for The Day Shall Come 2019 1080p.eng

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[intense music]

Subtitles by explosiveskull
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[helicopter whirring]

[instrumental music]

[all screaming]

I got what you need.
Come on.

Down here.

- I said come on.
- Okay, okay, okay.

Relax, okay?
I got it.

What is that? Is that coke?

Yeah. It's that dust, okay?

That spooky shit.
It's the good shit.

- What does that mean? I..
- Fuck's sake.

I mean, like,
what is it exactly?

What do you want it to be?

- I want it to be Molly.
- Alright. It's Molly.

But, I mean, are you just saying
that, 'cause..

No. I was just saying
the other things.

This is real. Molly for the
dolly, the whole ping ting.

Oh, bruh.

- Okay, so 80 bucks, right?
- Yeah.

- Okay, cool. Thank you.
- Okay, give it up.

Now. I seen all of it.
Give it up.

The cash, brother, quick.

I said, hand it over.

I'm sorry.
Are you arresting us?

Oh, my God.
Please don't kill me.

Look, I have... I have
a 3.8 grade point average, okay?

- His mom has a guide dog.
- I'm not gonna kill you.

I'm gonna give you
your money back.

- Stream it for me, Africa.
- Yes, sir.

What is it, are we gonna have to
suck each other's dicks or something?

No, not if you make
a small donation

to the Star of Six Community
Farm and Charity Mission.

Yes, I would love to do that.
Is ten bucks good?

- Each, so 20.
- Great.

- Thanks.
- Okay.

May you live to see
the accidental dominance

of the white race overthrown.

Cool.

It is not yet the day,
but the day shall come.

- Tell your people.
- Okay.

On the day of Black Jihad,

Sultan will look on you
with mercy.

Well, thank you.

Come on. Okay, cool.
I'll see you guys. Fuck!

The cops will bust you even if
you're just dealin' sugar, bruh.

Just trying to take back
a smidge

of what the crackers stole,
Sultan.

Ad hoc reparations, no!

You ever seen me
bop a cracker at a stoplight

jack his Buick and shout

"That's my forty acres
and a mule?"

No, but I'd like to.

I wouldn't want to.

Uh-huh?

How old you are?

Sounding so mature.

You come to my shop,
I give you lollipop.

Can you prepare for The Day
if you're in jail, brother?

- No, sir.
- I'm lookin' out for you.

Thank you, sir.

So, when we get back,
you may valet the bus.

Black Santa prevail.

[intense music]

In the name of Allah,
Melchizedek

Jesus, Black Santa

Muhammad and General Toussaint

the waters rise,
brothers and sisters

the drains back up

the basements of South Beach

brim with reeking flotsam.

But the city turns away,
ignores the signs.

Prepare ye
for the day that approaches

is the day
of the great inversion.

On that day, the cranes

of the gentrificators
shall fall

and we shall overthrow

the injustice
of the white European.

Till then, Allah enjoins us

to grow strong and to prepare.

Are you ready to rule?

- We are ready to rule.
- We are ready to rule.

The Almighty commands us

to bring our knowledge
to the streets.

♪ European you will pay ♪

♪ European you will pay ♪

♪ This will be your
judgement day ♪♪

Projecting a vision
of the future.

Peace, brothers.

To set a mighty example.

To rescue the fallen

teaching discipline
of body and mind.

You brothers wanna work
on God's farm?

The wisdom of the Star of Six.

Revolution.

But without the gun weapon.

You know what the gun is?

It's what the white man gave us
to destroy each other

doin' his job for him.

We trust only
the weapons of tradition

the sword, the sling

and the crossbow.

Today, the economic
hit man profits

off the gentrification
of our neighborhoods.

But tomorrow, he will drown
all bubble-face brown

in his vile
extortionate coffee.

In the name of Allah,
Melchizedek, Jesus, Black Santa

Muhammad and General Toussaint.

- Bishops.
- Bishops.

- Sir, bus is all clean.
- All of it?

Except where the baked-in
chicken shit and whatnot

is part of the floor.

Breakfast surprise!

- Oh, donuts?
- Mnm-mnm.

Donuts are twice a year,
baby girl, on your birthday

and the day that your daddy
founded this mission.

Mm-hmm. The day God talked to me
through a duck.

Usually, it was Satan
talking through the duck.

But one day,
satan wasn't looking

and the duck said,
"Quickly. This is God talking.

You need to build me a farm."

And that's why we're here.

♪ Ta-da-da-ta ♪♪

Is this surprise
from a dumpster?

No, it's not from a dumpster.

I picked it up
from Wendy's yesterday.

When they throw everything
in the dumpster.

Before they threw it
in the dumpster.

- Just before?
- Look, the dates are good.

And plus, we are taking from
the rich to give to the poor.

What don't you like about that?

Nothing.

Is the smart thing to say
right now.

[instrumental music]

SWAT Team B, Team C
is in position. Over.

SWAT A?

Psst, psst,
Kendra, prepare to be amazed.

Your target's approaching.

Yeah. Target's approaching.

[all cheering]

Brother Malik

the bomb in the drinks cart

will do something
very beautiful.

The bomb will only
take out the men, right?

- What?
- The men are the soldiers.

The women are not the soldiers.

Only the men.

Yes, yes, of course,
just the men.

You... you see the... the
wheel guards?

- Uh-huh.
- They shape the blast.

Only the men die in the blast.

A hundred percent?

- No lady jihad?
- Hundred percent.

That's a conscience
made of tits.

Dial the number, brother.

SWAT o'clock.
Stand by, ladies.

You missed the button.

Oh, SWAT, stand by.

Stand by, SWAT A.
SWAT B stand by.

- What's that?
- It's a three.

You know, like,
one, two, three.

Fucker's texting the jury,
"I am guilty."

Now five.

Five? No, no, not five.

Give me another.

- Look, it's five.
- I'm scared of fives.

Five is evil, brother.

The halfway digit.
The saluting snake. No.

Did we know
he was a pentaphobe?

I'm scared of fives.
No fives.

- Or is he just backin' out?
- No way. I groomed this psycho.

No, no, jihad has no off switch,
Rick.

It's like that feeling
in a dream

when you've killed a child.

No. It's the unflushable number.

Oh, okay, just bring up
the whole number.

That number is a plague
of fuckin' fives.

If the guy is afraid of fives

then that number's
a real soup sandwich.

The next number is a two,
so it's like a 52.

That's a five, brother.
It's still a five.

We are dialing
our own bomb here, Andy.

Shall we just send
the fuckin' target home?

Okay, now four.

You do it.

This is a four.
It's not even a five.

Please.
My fingers won't work anymore.

It's just killing a few fucking
kids. Jesus Christ!

I dial one four,
you dial one four, okay?

Dial the last number, brother.

Dial it. Come on.

- Shazam!
- Go, go, go!

Go.

I think God stopped it, brother.

Police! Hands up, now!

Police! Let me see your hands!

- Get down!
- On the ground!

Yes!

Great job, guys.
Ristretto. One sugar cube.

Yeah. Great job, guys.

Shitty job, guys. Most of that
bomb was dialed by us.

What if some libtard on my jury

thinks that's a little unfair
to Ali Bin Weasel?

Hey!

Assholes, what the fuck
was that fives bullshit?

- This is your fault.
- You saw the paperwork, Rick.

Don't hide behind
a piece of paper, Andy

unless you're a fuckin'
tampon wrapper.

Right.

You mean tampon?

Look, I'm dropping it, alright?

I'm a genius attorney, but you
need to retire on a better case

unless you wanna spend
your twilight years

on a Segway as a mall cop.

For the record,
this is an FBI operation

in which the police played
no decision-making role.

Says the man
with a very small badge.

No, police badge is 14 percent
larger than an FBI badge.

And it's also heavier
by weight.

Brother Pure,
that's what I'm gonna call you.

'Cause you're pure
like the piss of a dove, man.

Thank you, sir.

Professor X, Farmer Africa,
are not pure.

- X like Malcolm X?
- After the X-Wing.

"Star Wars." This brother could
fly if he put his mind to it.

Ninety-seven percent of our
brains aren't used, bruh.

One hundred percent
in your case.

Come the day,
I shall buckle those cranes

with one flick of my brain,
brothers.

And the day is coming.

Time to put nail bombs
in their Whole Foods.

- No, brother.
- No, sure, just one.

No, brother,
you may not do that.

No, but we may.

Why may we not?

We shall not start a race war
we will definitely lose.

The Farmer Army
is not yet to scale.

When General Toussaint
was attacked after church

did he strike the white man
who hit him?

Did he set him on fire?

He waited ten years
for the revolution

then he bopped him, right?

- No.
- Yes, brother.

I mean, that no.

[indistinct chatter]

Damn!

What did I tell you was gonna
happen if you didn't pay?

- Notice of eviction.
- Notice of eviction.

- All out. You ain't paid.
- You can't just walk in..

Yeah, yeah,
it's to the end of the month

that we ain't paid, Ruben.

Right, but that's bullshit,
okay?

Look, I'm a very successful
businessman, alright?

I got watches
showin' three different times.

Ruben, Ruben, brother.

How big is the biggest omelet
you ever ate?

No, not eggs.

What about eggs
that taste like eggs

before science fiction?

You're not payin' me
in eggs again, Venus.

Okay, how about some
fried potatoes?

I bought 'em
by the flea market.

You could use 'em
at your restaurant.

Real good ones, brother.

Man said he could hardly bear
to sell them.

- They're wooden.
- They're what? They're wooden?

You didn't check
the potatoes, Mo?

What? But the ones he showed me
were real.

You should have checked 'em,
alright?

Since when did we have to start
checking if potatoes was wood..

- Yeah, well, I checked them.
- I can get you that machine.

The X-ray machine.

No idea what you're
talkin' about.

I know what you're doin', bruh.

You're makin' a ray gun,
some dirty cool shit.

You said when you was drunk.

Look, look, you want a ray gun?
I got what you need.

I'll take good merchandise
or you're out.

But, uh, look, brother.

- It's bent.
- Just at one end. On purpose.

Moses, you know
how a real ray gun works?

That's the gun part. Now all
you need is the rays, brother.

Okay, look, I have a client
who needs radioactive material

that gives off rays,
like fuel rods

or something from
an X-ray machine.

This is basically
just a fuckhead's paperweight.

I'll unbend it.

[dramatic music]

- Nice building, Andy.
- Thanks, Rick.

Was the bureau high
when they commissioned this?

'Cause it actually looks
like a personality disorder.

Oh, he's on a roll.

You know, Bin Laden
got you this.

It's a shit roll.

You guys should
put a big picture of him

up the front of the building

like the Colonel Sanders logo.

Shit just rolls out
of his mouth.

So, as to your mall cop jibe,
Rick...

You're gonna pitch me
the next 9/11.

You know,
the Mexican Hezbollah

is planning an attack
on Orlando.

Flooding the streets
with alligators?

- Still a threat, Rick.
- It's a literal croc of shit.

There's a guy who wants
to attack a strip club

from a balloon
with flaming urine.

That was an undercover cop.

He had a breakdown
and he blew up his own bladder.

Right.

What about this guy
Moses Shabazz?

Who?

He preaches overthrow of the
government on Facebook Live.

He does? Cheryl has that.

That's my wife.
She's quite cool.

- He talks about black jihad.
- Right.

Huh? Classic lone wolf.

Uh, there's four of them,
actually.

Pack of lone wolves.
Had to happen.

- It's a uniformed militia.
- Oh.

Wait. Andy, he's black?

- Yeah.
- Fuckin' black?

- Seriously?
- Hold on.

All these, they're totally
fuckin' black.

I mean, wake up, people.
Come on.

We're down with brown,
but black is whack.

- Black is whack?
- Don't twist my words.

I'm not racist. Black targets
are no longer cool.

It's not my fault. The cops
have fucked the legal optics.

You mean, their skin's black,

but they're basically
brown, right?

Think ISIL Panthers.

- Uh, brown blacks.
- Brown blacks.

Sir, if they break the law, it
doesn't matter if their skin's

made of bark and they worship
a pig in a wing suit.

Right.

So I can get
the local informant...

Uh, my informant, Reza,
he could set up a meeting

between this Shabazz

and, um, a rich ISIL sheikh

played by the beach informant,
Nur Ad-din.

He's annoying,
but he's a good closer.

Uh, Nur Ad-din hates other
informants. Flies solo.

I think he would hate it more
if we sent him back to Syria

even though
the real estate deals

are supposed to be
amazing right now.

Right, so let's offer
this Moses Shabazz some funds

get him some military equipment
from, uh, some catalogue.

He has no license.
Get him some automatic weapons.

Could you walk him
across the line?

Of course, yeah.
Brown blacks track, yes.

- Right.
- She means no.

I mean, theoretically she could,
but Reza works for us

because we're shielding him
from sex charges with minors

and he's still at it.

We shouldn't expose
a female agent to that

especially a very small one.

That's sexist, and heightist
and probably offensive

to pedophiles,
which is really something.

I can... I can handle
Reza, yeah.

Good. Uh, please don't
fuck it up.

Won't fuck it up. Won't let you
down. Won't let any of you down.

Except for Stevie, 'cause
he wants me to fuck it up.

So I will let him down happily.

[dog barking at a distance]

I think we ruined
with this eviction thing, Vee.

Like flat tire,
empty icebox ruined.

Can't be a farmer
without a farm.

I can't even move the wheel.

A farm can be anywhere, Mo.
It's an attitude of mind.

They make me drowsy.

And they stop you from thinking

that animals can talk to you

or that you have five arms.

Damn!

Was it the heat of my hands
or was it a miracle?

Did you... did you blow?

No. I made an effort.

I mean, will God
bring down the cranes

if you ain't trying first?

Will the gentrificators
dump their condos on our heads?

[blows]

[both blowing]

- I don't think so.
- I don't think so.

Your bikini comes off
in my mouth.

Not my style.

I want to feel your hot,
moaning breath on my ball sack.

Doesn't sound like me either.

You said them both today, Reza.
How old was she?

- Thirty-five? Thirty-six?
- Fifteen.

- A minor.
- She was Canadian.

They don't even have minors
in Canada.

I've got 800 pages
of this stuff.

I'm all that stands between you
and 20 years in a penitentiary

that uses your screams
to power the lights.

[speaking in foreign language]

[intense music]

Let up, Farmer X. Go!

And go.

Up!

Down!

Up!

Down!

Go!

Down!

Arms up!

Duck walk.

Ducks are strong.
Strong ducks win.

Ducks are mighty ducks.

- Right, Brother Pure?
- Sir.

- Hello.
- Hey, Reza.

Salaam Alaikum, sister.
How are you?

Hello. Buk-buk-buk.

- Brother Shopkeeper.
- The man's up to somethin'.

Yes, to help in your enterprise.

And what enterprise
would that be, brother?

All of it, actually.

Growing the fresh vegetables,
playing chess

keeping fit,
the great inversion

bringing down the cranes

bringing down the government.

- What sort of help?
- Cash.

Really quite a lot of cash.

♪ Bismillah al rahman
al rahim ♪♪

Stop makin' that noise.

So tell me, Reza,
what cash you talkin' about?

- My uncle...
- Take your shirt off.

- What cash, brother?
- My uncle...

Star jump.

My uncle from the Middle East

he very much admires your work.

My work? From the Middle East?
Burpee.

They travel widely.

They're very rich.

We have no interest in cash.

Tell me how it works.

Duck pose.

My uncle comes
to the Holiday Inn.

We don't need to get hustled
by your imaginary uncle, Reza.

He is not imaginary.
He is real.

He is a mujahideen.

He has a bad limp,
from a bullet

to the foot. Yes.

- He has a built-up shoe.
- What's his name? Uncle Scam?

Sultana and me, we got plenty
of good finance options, bruh.

- Wells Fargo. Bank of America.
- The United Dollars Bank.

- The big money buildin'.
- We got options.

- The other one next to it.
- Thank you, Reza.

Okay.

Then I'm happy to hear
you don't need me.

I am weak, but I am strong.

[intense music]

Mr. and Mrs. Al Shabazz.

- Mr. Foltz.
- Hi. How you doin'?

A gift from the farm.

Fresh chicken eggs, eggplant
and black Yaupon tea.

Filter out the bark
with your teeth.

It's strained, but the debris,
it's just fiber, so it's good.

- An example of our produce.
- Just some.

Please, be seated.

So the, uh, charitable loan,
yes?

Ten thousand dollars for the
Star of Six Community Farm.

It's the non-profit application?

Correct, sir. We make a loss.

Financial loss,
but spiritual gain.

- But, I mean, we can change.
- Oh, sure.

Put that as a profit if you
like, if that's better.

Uh, right, there might
also be a problem

with your 501(c)(3)
tax relief application.

We have that,
just not in writing.

So the IRS might fail
your organization

if it's seen to be political?

Yeah, that's why it's
not in writing

'cause the writing is wrong.

Uh, so you're not political?

Well, everything's political,
brother.

- I mean, we're not political.
- No more than a bank.

Look, my farmers
used to sell drugs, bruh.

Now they grow kale and marshal
ducks for the Almighty.

That is great.

You know Marcus Garvey said

there would be
three more after him?

Elijah, Muhammad, Malcolm X

and the third
has yet to be revealed.

Oh, okay.

My mission is to change
the lives of poor people

using all my abilities

including the untapped
invisible.

All the electrons in space.

The mighty beast
of my bloodline.

You should know that I descend

from a long line
of powerful bears.

It's not just a farm.
I mean, it's a school.

I mean, you lend to the nail bar

and they jerk off
Koreans out back.

That's just what folks say.
It may be racist, so..

Okay, uh, look, maybe
if you could provide security

we could just do
a, a straight loan.

Do you have security or..

What security do you have

apart from the American
government which is bust?

Well, the Federal Depository
Insurance Corporation

backs up all the accounts
at this bank up to $250,000.

So in terms of cash
for your farm

it just doesn't seem
like this is gonna work out.

I'm... I'm sorry.

[sighs]

[intense music]

- Hello!
- Black Santa prevail.

- Yes, Black Santa.
- What is this?

Your uncle wants us
on some pyramid

selling deal
for cleaning products?

Somethin' like that?

Sultan, I assure you

my uncle is good straight cash.

Take this, brother.
Don't be afraid to use it.

Activating recording at 11:06.

I have some expense receipts
for you.

It's mostly the usual.
Rent, food, gas.

This fucking orthopedic clog.

Reza, take that thing.

Put it right there,
in the center.

Tell him I will see him now.

Twenty-two stress consultations
and a massage

and a Bobby Brown boxset
for more stress

because I had to kill a dog.

The prophet will see you now.

[speaking in foreign language]

[groans]

You bring this fish to me
and go.

He is my fish, you brute.

The money they pay you
should be coming to me.

So my hands are crushing your
balls even when I let go.

[groaning]

Let's go.

Salaam Alaikum, prophet.

- Make yourself comfortable.
- Thank you.

Have a seat on the table.

It is our custom.

- So..
- So..

Your work is very much admired
by the chief sheikh of IS.

The tax office?

Unfortunately they do not
admire my work.

IS, prophet.
Islamic State?

Al-Qaeda, same thing.

Al-Qaeda. Yes.

I'm sorry for the loss
of your Sheikh Osama.

Though you know
he never really existed.

He was a figment
of European paranoia

which is why he still lives.

[speaking in foreign language]

[speaking in foreign language]

My uncle says that his sheikh
offers large sums of money

to help oppressed people
build armies.

You have an army, prophet?

- Every nation has an army.
- Yes.

Mm-hmm.

How large is your army?

Oh, large.

How many could you
have here tomorrow?

- Four.
- An army of four?

Five, actually. My daughter
is due for promotion.

The rest would come on
a first some, then more basis.

Mr. Moses, are you serious?

- Am... am I serious?
- Yes.

Give him a list of the hardware,
Shopkeeper.

"Ten rolls of fencing.
Work boots. Overalls."

- "A chicken coop?"
- And a watch for my wife.

And a horse.

They don't do horses

but a general
should have a horse.

Perhaps your army needs
weapons too?

Guns.

- Guns.
- No.

Allah says until the day shall
the bullet weapon be silent.

Nothing to defend your farm?

We have a crossbow.

And if necessary,
we'll call on the dinosaurs.

The CIA has some left over

from when the Europeans
wiped them out.

We believe that
at the sound of a trumpet

they will come to our aid.

[foghorn blares]

- Very good, brother, yes.
- Is a ray gun a bullet weapon?

- What?
- A ray gun.

You want a ray gun?
X-rays? Radioactives?

I can find isotopes.

Ruben's gun don't use
no bullets, Sultan.

No, but we only permit
projectiles

of the visible realm.

Of course. Very good, brother.
I shall put this to the sheikh.

So that he may fund our mission?

Inshallah, inshallah.

May Black Santa prevail.

Yes, and Black Caesar

and Black Snow White
and Black T-Rex.

He's gotta be good for what

like...$500, right?

Lord Moses,
these are very serious people.

They pay, like..

...$50,000.

- Fifty thousand?
- Yes.

But for proper army weapons.

Not these things
so incredibly offbeat.

I need guns. Assault weapons.
Destroy the government.

- What did you say?
- Assault weapons.

Uh, destroy the government.
Yes, please.

Very good, brother.

Nura.

You know all the black brothers
in jail?

That is our army, waitin' for us
to break 'em out.

Like General Toussaint.
Like Spartacus.

Black Santa crashin' his sleigh
into the White House.

But you said guns
are not allowed.

Well, I just prayed to God
and He told me they are.

I shut my eyes and he wrote
"Guns okay" on my eyelids.

Guns okay.

It's cash, right,
from the sheikh?

Not checks written on camels?

American dollars, brother.

And 50 Kalashnikov assault
rifles for your army

banana clip, folding stock.

Um, Nura.

How about money now,
guns next year?

So that we can build a rack.

A good sturdy rack.

Also so we have time to practice

so that when we get the guns,
we're good with them.

You can practice with my guns,
of course.

Use living Americans
as targets, yes.

Who cares if you shoot a Kaffir,
a bull's-eye through the brain

or just rip half its face off?

Cheeks flap, eyes burst, yes?

Cheek, cheeks flap. Eyes burst.

Al-Qaeda magazine.

[intense music]

God's miracles take many forms

brothers and sisters.

We do not question them.

We accept God's plan for us
and we are grateful.

In the name of Allah,
Melchizedek, Jesus, Black Santa

Muhammad and General Toussaint.

What? Come on,
tell me this ain't good.

- This ain't good.
- You like your watch?

Your boots, brothers?
Your... your new uniforms?

- And this?
- You don't have to read it.

50K, Vee. We made.

Reza's uncle gives you 50K,
he owns your ass.

I own his ass, babe.
I hustled him.

He's a wonky wheel.
He's gonna give us guns too.

- But I told him...
- Guns?

Yeah, but you don't
have to worry, bruh.

We're just gonna take 'em
and bury 'em under

six feet of concrete.

Come on.
We're goin' to my sister's.

Vee. Wait. Vee!

We can even fill our guns
with concrete

paint 'em white
and use 'em for fence posts.

We hustlin' this guy.

You trying to save these boys
from guns.

You just gonna throw it all away
for a hat and a horse?

You make a bomb
out of bamboo canes.

- You see what you're doing?
- He don't mean that.

Do you mean that?

Sugar, coconut, bleach
and acetone.

This ain't us, Mo.

This ain't the farm.

50K, Vee.
I'm savin' the farm.

If you believe that, then
there ain't nothin' to save.

Come on, baby girl.

Sir, we don't believe in guns,
though, do we?

Of course not,
but I just talked to God

and He told me unless you fire
it, a gun is just a stick.

Well, I suggest you
ask Him again.

Okay.

Thank you.
He said the same thing.

- We done, Mo.
- Vee.

Fifty percent of her
is my sister.

She's your half-sister.

Well, yeah.

Black Santa be with you, Sultan.

You're bein' played, Mo.

But, Vee, Vee,
what if I'm playin' them

whoever it is that's playin' me?

A violin don't play a bow.

Vee! Vee!

Rosa, baby, open the door.
Open the door, baby.

- Mom?
- No.

Open the door!
Open the door!

Open the.. Vee, no!

Vee! Vee!

[instrumental music]

[thunder rumbling]

[thunder rumbling]

You think this shit
gonna work out?

Excuse my language.

You have a long,
wise face, sister horse.

Is Vee comin' back?

Can you answer me?

No.

Have I just blown
everything we stand for?

[thunder rumbling]

Holy shit!

Did I just do that?

Did I?

[indistinct radio chatter]

Okay, guys, food's up.

I got you sunflower seeds,
dried cranberry

chia seed bars, crispy kale.

And donuts and coffee.
Come on.

Hey, all 50 pins drilled out
on those guns, right?

Arrest plan, box three.

There's a video of each drilling
on the red flash drive.

In the right order?

Serial number equals date

equals yes, in the right order.

So 50 AKs sounds about right,
yeah?

I kind of wish this asshole
was gonna blow up Disney World.

- It's solid.
- Heads up.

Your pet kiddy kisser's
on level two.

He's come to bitch about
Nur Ad-din.

Uh, what sub-tab is that
in your arrest plan here?

He's timeline peripheral.

Can you just pay his expenses,
get rid of him, please?

Happy to be
just peripherals guy.

Don't sell yourself short,
Stevie.

I mean, didn't you see
your special arrest plan?

That's not funny because
I'm not even laughing, so..

Fuck me, guys. How old are you?

- Thank you, sir.
- Are you five?

Good one, sir. Thanks.

Setting up a perimeter,
we need four...

- Guns in place. Check.
- Okay.

It's the good guys bit.
It's good being the good guys.

Tell SWAT to stand by.

And, lo, Moses
shall take the guns

and, lo, Kendra
shall bust his ass.

Copy that.
SWAT A is standing by.

Why has he stopped there?
What is he doing?

Oh, wow!

- Actual factual wow.
- What?

Can you chuck the CCTV
up on the smart board for me?

He's here?

Oh, come on!

Two minutes ago.

One minute. Real time.

Shit a pineapple.

Shit a live yodeling manatee.

What is your full name, sir?

Moses Al Shabazz.

- That was me.
- I'm sorry?

Me and my horse.
You know, we did that.

Sir, do you have an appointment?

Could you make me one?

- Okay, what do we do now?
- I don't know, Andy.

Maybe we should ask
the special agent

in charge of this building.

Okay, uh, I'll go talk to Moses,
find out what he wants.

So he looks like our friend?
Bang goes my rocket docket.

Sure, not good.

Um, We tell him everybody's
busy. He leaves right now.

And maybe you just blanked
a walk-in confession?

Okay, poker face,
totally neutral.

I just get him to walk back out
there into our next chapter.

Trust me, sir.
I know how this plays.

Uh, if I may, sir,
I think this plays

like a pennywhistle
jammed up an orangutan's butt.

What use is that comment
to anyone?

You're right, sir. Sorry.

- Ow!
- Meeting room seven.

If he says the wrong thing,
I leave it off the 302.

So you're here about our
community outreach program?

Yes, ma'am.

I believe you offer
rewards for justice?

As in..

If I had certain information

regarding individuals
selling firearms

would you be interested?

Uh, you mention a reward?

If you can pay us $50,000

I can show you
a man trading AK-47s.

Fuck it! Fuck me.

Uh, well, okay, look, uh

there are rewards
available, yes.

It's a process.

It starts with us
needing your full criminal

and employment record,
your immigration status

any family members'
immigration status.

- Good block. Okay, good block.
- Smart rat.

Your tax returns
for the last 15 years

you have those in good order,
yes?

Not on me right now,
but, uh, what about

for cash today?

Could you pay someone

to inform upon themselves?

You wanna inform on yourself?

Yes.

Say if I was thinking
of doing something

and then I stopped before

and came to you

and informed you about the thing
I was thinking of doing

and maybe, uh,
you could pay me to...

Have you done something
that you should inform us about?

No, ma'am.

That's lying to a federal agent.

Five years right there.

Andy, just get him
back out there

to blow up a skyscraper
or I'll drop the case.

Uh, well, Mr. Bey Al Shabazz,
we appreciate your contact.

Thank you so much.

I was gonna take the guns

but just turn them
into fence posts.

Fence posts?

Fill it with concrete
and paint it white.

We don't believe in guns,
but the guy was gonna pay me.

My farm is broke.

Well..

...community support
is very important to us.

Okay.

Different communities,
same needs.

Okay, so can you help?

Not at this time, no.

Oh.

But, um, thank you
for the information.

Communities.

Communities.

- I let him go.
- Oh, great call.

We've got harpoons in him.

We just sit back calmly
and watch the barrels.

No, I mean, I let him go.

He's got the threat signature
of a hot dog.

Kendra, he just admitted
he wanted guns.

For fence posts.

Yeah, I mean, like you said

leave that non-material
detail off the 302.

He wanted guns.

Sir, I don't love saying this

but I made a mistake.

- I think he's delusional.
- Okay, well, yeah.

Schizophrenia plays.
Right, Rick?

On the fourth circuit, but you
have to fly them to Virginia

and then rearrest them
when they land.

Sure, whatever, perfect.

He did just report us
as the threat.

Nails of Christ, people.

Just because Sheikh Alaikum
reports

that Abu Woowack is a terrorist

doesn't mean
that Sheikh Alaikum's

not a terrorist too, right?

I mean,
he was false flaggin' us.

Twice.
He double false flagged us.

So regular flagging.

He took pictures
of the building.

- I think those were selfies.
- Yeah.

Selfie jihad
is bombing reconnaissance.

Okay, look, we throw him a 100K

he will definitely
do something for that.

Andy, you're happy with that,
what you just said?

It's a fool proof plan, Rick.

We give him an actual fake bomb
and the guy tries to use it

we have the next Bin Laden,
even if he's Archie Bunker.

I smell doubt.

No, look, I am just a guy
standing here

talking to another guy

trying to send a third guy
to jail.

I'm one leg down
on the beach case already.

Sir, I think you might have to
get fitted for doggy wheels.

I'm paying off Nur Ad-din
tomorrow.

I'm closing the case.

Ah..

She's actually saving your ass,
Andy.

My ass is gonna be dragged to DC

and beaten so badly you can
drink it through a straw.

Well, at least
it's not your fault, sir.

It's just my fault.
Did it to myself, so..

Watch out for the nice ones,
Kendra.

They get under your skin
and then, next thing you know

the Statue of Liberty's
wearing a burkha

and we've beheaded
Bruce Springsteen.

[instrumental music]

[intense music]

I think we should have
gotten Ruben his ray gun.

- Do I have to go back home now?
- No.

We'll all live on the bus, yeah?
Damn.

You... you saw the cranes,
right?

I did that.
It was a sign from God.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

If you did that, then I can put
worms in a cracker's sandwich.

You may not put worms
in a cracker's sandwich, bruh.

Not yet.

It's not yet the day.

♪ Bastards always late ♪

♪ Dumb morons taking too long
to pay my expenses ♪♪

We should have signed off this
perp with a drone strike.

Bad feeling, huh?

When you over crank your case
into a first-class snafu.

♪ FBI ♪

Shut up.

♪ Let's go you pieces of shit ♪♪

Just embrace the failure,
Kendra.

Believe me, it helps
raise your natural game.

Oh, your natural game's
at the FDA

monitoring meat gas infractions.

- Hey, Haji Connick Jr.
- That's racist.

You gotta own this
snafu in writing.

These guarantee your anonymity
as an informant.

They mean nothing.

Every day I save you idiots
from 9/11.

How's that?

The FBI is how America
fucks itself.

[speaking in foreign language]

[cell phone ringing]

What happened yesterday,
brother?

I'm very upset.

Um, my horse got stuck.

The tire..
The... the shoe.

It's okay. I forgive you.

- Do you want the guns now?
- No.

No. Um, what I need is..

I need some radioactives.

You know, for ray guns?

Can you say that again,
please, brother?

I need radioactive stuff.

- Nuclear materials?
- Yeah.

Like you said at the hotel.

- Can you do that?
- One second, brother, okay?

Shabazz, you fuckhead.

I'm just going through my, uh,
nuclear contacts list

okay, brother?

Okay.

Okay, so we have to get him
a fake nuke.

Just..
This is the same as the guns.

The fake nuke stops him getting
a real one from somebody else.

No, I've been outside

having a cigarette
for the past five minutes.

Stevie, come on.
Get Shabazz some lead canisters.

He accepts. That proves intent.

Couple of days later
we show up to fill up

the canisters with nukes,
except we arrest him.

Alright, well,
that's way off protocol.

It doesn't matter.

Do it!

Okay, brother,
I fix this for you.

Great.

I love you, my brother.

I love you too, yeah.

Andy's gonna shit his mind
straight through the floor.

No, Andy's gonna be fine.

I just need to be there
to tell him.

The second he gets back from DC.

Catch his brains in a bucket

give them a squelch
and jam them back in.

Alright. If this works,
then it was largely my idea.

Yeah, yeah, and if it doesn't,
you're outside the blast zone

watching my skin fall off.

Conviction bonus.

We are back in business.

Who are these for?

It's for some guys
who need nukes.

It's a normal nuke handover.

[intense music]

[sighs]

I'm gonna check
my clients are ready, alright?

Okay.

[sighs]

[intense music]

[exhales]

[exhales]

[bird squawking]

[music continues]

If I had told you about it,
you wouldn't have come, okay?

So just be quiet and keep cool,
you'll be okay.

Okay. We're just cuttin' a deal.

Polite faces, y'all.

And if it gets too
honky Hitler in there

just zone out, think mangoes.

Mangoes.

[sighs]

Name's Lemmy.

- Moses.
- Mangoes.

Nice place you got here, Lemmy.

We like it.

- It's not too urban.
- Mangoes.

Okay, look, Lemmy's a racist,
okay?

But he's one of the good ones.

He should tread carefully.

We intend to rule this country.

Our plan's not unlike that.

Mangoes, mangoes, mangoes.

Why does your boy
keep saying mangoes?

Sultan, why do we keep talkin'
to these inbred knuckle-draggers

whose race was created
by an alien fucking a pig?

[laughs]

Please, uh, stand outside,
Farmer Africa.

What my brother here was merely
suggesting in his own way

is that we proceed
to the agenda of our meeting?

Right.
What materials do you got?

Uranium.

Uranium?

To put hair on your chest
and make it fall off.

Ooh.

Where did you get uranium?

IS.

IS?

Islamic State.
Not the tax office.

Easy mistake to make.

You have nukes
from the Islamic State?

Yes.

H... how much
do you want for it?

- A hundred thousand dollars.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Moses.

- That's way too much...
- I'll do a 100K.

- You will?
- Yeah.

I got a backer in Maine.
He can sell his yacht.

So are we gonna handshake
on a 100K?

I think we are.

Uh-huh?

I'm puttin' up your rent.
I'm puttin' up his rent.

I don't give a shit.

[intense music]

For the black jihad, brothers.

- Black jihad.
- Black jihad.

- Is it in here?
- No, no, no, no, not yet.

I'll come back with the uranium
next week.

Then we will fill them.

American babies with five legs

and faces growing inside
their assholes.

Yes.

- September 11th.
- September 12th.

Of course.

[engine revving]

Look, I'll take a better idea
if you got one.

A better idea
than sellin' nukes to Nazis?

How about not sellin'
nukes to Nazis?

Let me out the bus,
please, Sultan.

- They're empty, bruh.
- They don't look empty.

They look the same either way
when the lid's on.

So that looks full?

When they're actually full

the lid's screwed down

so you can't take it off.

So we should just fill it
with piss and beans.

No, bruh. Who respects a nation
that stockpiles piss and beans?

Mashallah, brother.
You know what you just said?

No.

- Well, you got anything, man?
- About half a drip.

If I push any harder,
I'm gonna breach the hold.

[cell phone ringing]

Vee? Vee?

- Daddy?
- Baby girl.

Are you coming
to my birthday party?

Sure I am. I'm gonna get you
a whole box of donuts.

Will it just be the holes again?

No, it'll be the rings
this time.

- Really?
- Who you talkin' to, baby girl?

Daddy.

You can't fix this by
manipulating the child, Moses.

- She called me, Vee.
- Did Daddy call you?

- Well, all the same.
- You just called me "Daddy".

- I feel good about that.
- Well, don't.

We're gettin' the farm back,
Vee.

Did you... did you
take the guns?

Farmer Africa,
did we take the guns?

Unfortunately no, sir.

I... I'll tell you all about it
over donuts, Vee.

It'll be the icing
on the donut

unless the donut's
already got icing.

Then it'll be the icing
on the icing.

I'm not supposed to be
talkin' to you right now.

Vee, this is a very good
reverse potato situation.

Well, this is a reverse
hello situation. Goodbye.

Hello? Vee?

- Is Daddy coming?
- I don't know, baby girl.

You're better off
askin' his horse.

[engine starting]

And a handful of beans.

No wonder most places
ain't got nukes.

It's hard to make a nuke.

These are still piss and beans,
though, right?

Yes.

[intense music]

[engine revving]

[intense music]

Andy. Andy.

It's unorthodox, yes, but..

Andy.

Hiya. Yep? Okay.

Open the gate. Open the gate.

Thank you.

Already Miami beach is eying
500 million dollars in..

Oh, God.

Hey.

Jesus wept.

- Welcome back.
- Oh, thank you.

Uh, just a parking lot catch-up.

Lots to fill you in on.

Uh, good stuff, great stuff.

Um, shall I get you a straw?

Uh, what stuff?

Uh, well, this is, like,
20 good things

that are all good.

I just need to tell you them
in the right order.

Okay, hit me.
I can double-hand it.

Okay.

Um, so, the..

- I don't know if it's..
- It's...

The long and short
of this excellent news

is Shabazz made a very bad move.

Shabazz.
You killed me on Shabazz.

DC just paper-fucking
crucified me on Shabazz.

Yes, but, Andy, I mean

this is going down
for 35 years bad.

- I mean, life.
- Oh, God, Lord, no.

Incoming moron. Save me.
Quick, quick.

- Um, the president called you.
- Did he really?

- No.
- Andy, quick five.

Hey, Clay. Just busy.
Quick, uh, two seconds?

Sure, yeah, just wanna make sure
you're on top

of this major nuclear threat
situation we got goin' on.

- Nuclear what?
- Oh, you didn't hear?

Well, I guess the FBI
drops the ball

the PD is here to pick it up.

So you guys are free to do
whatever it is you do down here.

- What, did you shit your chest?
- Clay.

In my office.
Start from the beginning.

No, I don't think he needs
to start from the beginning.

What we have here is
weapons-grade nuclear material

four canisters.

Uh, no threat.

Being traded
within city borders.

Um, no, I don't think so, sir.

This just doesn't
smell right to me.

Are you saying there are actual

mushroom-cloud nukes
here in Miami?

No, he's not saying that

and if you are saying that,
you're mistaken.

I worked nukes a lot in intel.
This isn't them.

Easily done, though, buddy.
No problem. Don't feel bad.

This is serious, Madam Agent.
Canisters of uranium.

Have you checked they're full?
'Cause I'll bet they're not.

I can tell.
Have you checked? No.

He's not even cleared to hear
how he's fucking this up.

I might have to ask him
to reprimand you.

We don't have this at my PD.

I'm gonna have to ask him
to reprimand you.

He can't reprimand me.

I'm a different agency,
sweet cheeks.

You wouldn't last
one second here.

The only thing smaller
than your badge is your dick.

It's probably inverted
like a belly button.

[laughs]
I'm sorry.

They will do that
from time to time.

Just so you know,
under state law

I'm taking control of this
in city borders.

- Permission not granted.
- Permission not asked.

We've already gone up
the line to Homeland.

Seriously, dude, you're gonna
look like such a fucking goober.

Andy, this idiot has no idea
what he's doing.

He probably mounts the toilet
the wrong way around.

You know, you have to face
away from the wall, right?

Okay, okay. Now I do have
to issue a reprimand.

Well, I don't accept
your reprimand.

Agent, it's done. It happened
the minute I said it.

No, it didn't land.
I stopped it from landing.

Okay, I will accept
your reprimand

but you have to accept
my refusal.

There it is.
We're settin' up the takedown.

No, okay, look.

There are no nukes.
There are no nukes.

'Cause the canisters are mine.
They're empty.

This is the same thing
I was trying

to tell you about before,
out there.

This is the same thing.
So this is good.

Okay, there may be
some new info.

Can we just hold off until we..

Yeah, here's the new info.

I got four undercovers
posing as a Nazi cell.

They caught your freaks
in a honey trap

and now you're pissed off
that I'm ahead of you.

Uh, no, Clay,
you're not listening.

- Okay, I'm listening.
- Okay.

Uh, the canisters don't contain
nuclear material.

If the target thought they did,
if the target believed

that he was trading actual
nukes, we could arrest him.

Okay, so that's what
we're doing.

No, because right now

the target knows
that they're empty.

Doesn't track.

Just so you know, this action
can only be countermanded

by someone of requisite rank

who is fully on top of the facts

not playing catch-up
from a chipmunk.

A chipmunk? Seriously?

What if I shot him?
I mean, I'm kidding.

But it would end this if I did
shoot him, which is a joke.

You know, Cheryl and I have our
anniversary dinner tonight at Nobu.

I told her I'd go this year.

That's great, sir, but, um,
you need to call him off

otherwise we're gonna
look like total...

Of course, I need to
call him off.

You know, Kendra,
first you bring me Shabazz

and then you take the case
away from me

and then you give him nukes.

Yeah, I was just trying to find
a way to prevent Shabazz

from going on the open market
and getting actual nukes.

And, alright,
it would have worked...

I'll need,
I'll need your case file

and your informer's contacts.

I'm being stood down?

No. No, no, no, no, no.
No, no. No. No.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'll buy your wife flowers.

No, that's weird. I'm gonna..

I will find this
Nazi takedown thing.

[intense music]

Okay, we just give 'em
the canisters

take the money,
everybody's happy.

- So what if we get nervous?
- Nervous is good.

Nervous will make them think

that the fake nukes
are real nukes.

You just gotta be nervous
like you're holdin' nukes

not nervous like you're not
holdin' nukes, yeah?

[intense music]

We've got
the surveillance plane feed.

- Uh, this is the takedown.
- Yeah.

The police chief's
not answering.

Uh, no, I'm on it.

- Well, what's he saying?
- He's not pickin' up.

- Then why did you say...
- Hey, Rick. Come on in.

Thanks for coming.
Uh, have some cake.

Oh, no. I'm just comin'
to the edge of your shit pit.

I'm not jumpin' in.

[intense music]

- Clay.
- Hello, Andy.

Okay, you have to call this off.
That is a federal order.

- You wanna play rabbi?
- Nope.

Well, my rabbi trumps you,
buddy.

My rabbi's head of
Homeland Security.

Hello, Andy? I can't..

- Clay, don't even think of...
- Breakin' up!

- What an idiot.
- Jesus. Clay? Hello? Cla..

God!

Uh, we can call the lead
undercover Nazi directly.

- Yes.
- He's got to have a cell phone.

- Do it.
- Okay, it would be somewhere..

Try not to spend this all
on grape soda.

Try not to knock these over

makin' the beast
with your sister.

Okay.

Uh, I don't know
which number is which Nazi.

Well..

Check it out.

You can, well, call one
at the same time as me.

If you get through,
just give him to one of us.

- And dial.
- What the fuck do I say?

It's just ringing.

[cell phone ringing]

Ignore it.

[cell phones ringing]

Ignore the fucking phones.

[indistinct chatter]

- Do something.
- I'm trying.

Jesus. Shit.

- I'm through. Stand down. Look.
- Hello, sir.

This is the FBI Special Agent
In Charge Andrew J. Mudd.

- Yes, sir.
- I need you to let the targets go.

- Bismillah Black Santa Jesus.
- Comply immediately.

Yes, sir. Stand down.

Everyone, stand down.
Guns down.

- Okay.
- Let 'em up.

You can get up.

Yeah, I'm a cop. Get on up.

What about the brown guy?

- Uh, you can have him.
- Not you. You're goin' to jail.

- Wait.
- Take him away.

Someone's got friends
in the FBI, huh?

Go.

So you do have
a sasquatch dick.

Of course, I have.

- Yeah.
- Of course, I have a big dick.

- Right call, sir. Need a hand?
- No, we don't.

- Knock next time, please.
- We're good, thank you.

So, uh, I am back on for Nobu.

Some yellowtail..

...and then some Cheryl tail.

Are we safe?
We can't be safe.

- No such thing as safe.
- I think we're safe.

- So they're not comin' after us?
- Yes, that's right.

After 500 years, they just
stopped comin' after us.

I don't think
they're comin' after us.

So we're free?

Better than free.

They arrested Ruben,
so we got the farm back.

So what the fuck happened?

I don't know what happened.

I was, I was praying my ass off
and then that happened.

You made that happen?

I don't know.

Maybe it was the horse.

That horse back there.

The horse did that?

I think God
was working through my horse

when he blew up the cranes.

I'm definitely gettin' a horse.

[engine starting]

[intense music]

[engine revving]

[music continues]

- Uh, sir?
- Uh-huh.

I think the cops
are following Shabazz.

Oh, you know, couple
of patrol cars to see him off.

You know, Clay is a bad loser.

It's a fuckin' archipelago.

[sirens wailing]

[dramatic music]

[sires wailing]

[cell phone beeping]

Shitty fucking Jesus!

What's up?
Nobu run out of starfish?

No.
It's reached the Oval Office.

Clay has caused
Homeland Security

to declare a nuclear emergency

on your empty canisters.

Well, he's having
some kind of breakdown.

[groans]

- Alright, we're takin' over.
- Whoa-oh.

Right, okay,
what do you need from me, sir?

Right, well, we know
this emergency is groundless.

- Correct. Right.
- But the emergency exists.

And you can't take
control of something

if you're saying
it doesn't exist.

Okay.

So we have to acknowledge that

the emergency exists.

Uh, oh, yeah, well, n... no.

Sorry, if we say,
"Yes, it exists"

isn't that the same as declaring
a nuclear emergency ourselves?

Uh, technically yourself,
but, yeah.

So... to stop
a nuclear emergency

I have to declare
a nuclear emergency?

Yes. The logic only works
if you say it slowly.

Keep the contradictory
elements apart.

- Well, I would look insane.
- Only if you say it fast.

And also,
you already looked insane

when you met me
in the parking lot.

So you're just gonna throw her
under the bus?

No. I would never do that
to an agent.

She has to do it herself.

And the alternative
is dancing in the woodchipper.

But then this stops?

If you tell me
to go "Chicken Little"

I have control over the cops,
over everything.

Then I guess
we have a nuclear emergency.

Good play, agent.

I'm calling in
a full-armed response.

I hope her record
will reflect the bravery

not the foolishness
of what she just said.

- Is the woodchipper better?
- No, the same.

Right, control. We have to
keep this off the TV.

Uh, sir?

- I said, knock.
- Sir..

Yes, sir, but, um..

You got Miami-Dade
black and whites out there

sheriff's cars, dog vehicles.

We're looking at a..

Ah..

Um, Kendra,
can you give us a second?

Just..

Yes, sir. Um..

Thank you.

- Right.
- Yeah.

[dramatic music]

Whoo!

[sirens wailing]

[cell phone beeps]

Um, okay, they're heading
to a donut shop.

- Yep. Are we good in there?
- Informant's in place.

- What's that?
- Oh, we got in there with the..

- Who's, who's where?
- Okay, here's what it is.

We need to arrest Shabazz
for creating a nuclear threat.

But we can't do it for that

so we need him
to do something else.

And given
the state of this case so far

it might just be better
if he got shot.

No, sir...

Angels walk on tightropes,
Kendra.

Disclosure of this snafu
in court

would cause more damage
to national security

than a shooting that's basically
just another shooting.

Don't worry. It won't sound
so brutal on your record.

[dramatic music]

[crickets chirping]

Thank you.

Hello.

My sister. She is my sister.

Happy birthday!

Here he is.

Daddy?

Happy birthday, baby girl.

Vee, we got the farm.

- Ruben's gone.
- What?

- We're good, I swear to God.
- Really?

- Yes.
- No more guns?

No more bullshit?

No more guns. No more bullshit.

- We sweet like caramel cream.
- You swear?

On my own personal donuts.

- Both your donuts?
- The chocolate ones.

Okay.

[chuckles]

[sirens wailing]

[helicopter whirring]

So, I'm gonna have to tear
both of your nuts off.

No, this can't be for us.

This gotta be
for somethin' else.

For what?
Like a food inspection?

Like somebody just saw a fly
on a cinnamon twist?

Jesus. Look at this.

This thing's bulletproof, right?

There will be no shooting.

Kendra. Kendra.

- Hey, guns down.
- Kendra.

Everybody, guns.

- Get your guns down.
- Agent Chipmunk.

You better put on a nuke suit
or get the fuck out of here.

Can't hear you, Clay.
Just keep it on, alright?

Andy, your rabbi won.

This is your emergency.

- Wrong again, Clay.
- Well...

We only called the emergency

because we knew
there wasn't one.

- What?
- That's right.

She just said it too fast.

[sirens wailing]

Which part of your broken ass
did you pull this out of?

I ain't pulled this
out of my ass, Vee.

Wait. Look.

I... I know her.

From where?
Bumblefuck, Alaska?

Listen, maybe she can help.

Go see.

Hey.

Hello!

Threat is mobile. That's him.

That's it. The threat is mobile.

- Can I come over?
- Great, great.

Let him come. I'll arrest him
when he gets here.

For what?
For wearing a shower curtain?

Kendra, we can't arrest him
for something

until he does something
we can arrest him for.

But you made me call
a national emergency

on someone I can't
even arrest, Andy.

I should be
arresting myself for this.

Hello. Ma'am!

This could be a trick.

What kind of trick?

A Taliban-type trick.

A man who is actually a bomb.

[gunshots]

[all screaming]

Hey!

He's unarmed.

Unarmed black man.
Unarmed white man.

Which one's more likely
to have the gun?

[clattering]

Clay.

Stand your guns down.
I'm memoing this.

Guns down!

All guns down.

- Thank you, sir.
- No problem.

Oh, okay, right. Our guns.

Bigger. More accurate. Good.

Sir, the eight seconds
we just had

with no guns felt really good.

Shots were fired, Kendra.

There's no telling
how Shabazz could retaliate.

Snipers and perimeter are set.

- Have your entry in position.
- Right.

- That's the ISIL general?
- ISIL general, yeah.

Oh, yeah, he could throw a bar
of soap at us at any second

so..

See, they didn't arrest us
back there

because they think it's gonna be
a lot more fun to shoot us.

[foghorn blowing]

It's just the horn they use
to summon the dinosaurs.

[clattering]

Everyone good?

- We're good. We're good.
- No, not good, brother.

- Shopkeeper?
- I see my friend in trouble..

- I bring help.
- Whoa.

Wha.. This is your plan?

It's fake.

Oh, thanks, Stevie.

Twenty-five years
if he tries to use that thing.

Thirty-five,
you fuckin' prolapse.

No one gets hurt.

This is his
Get-Out-Of-Jail card.

His Get-Out-Of-Jail card
is going to jail?

My sheikh is very happy for you
to use the device, Sultan.

I'd be happy to use it to make
sure you never sit down again.

Please, save yourself.

Brown cracker's right, Sultan.
Or we're leavin' in zip bags.

Okay.

Mashallah, brother.

Reza the shopkeeper?

- You're under arrest.
- What?

I'm arresting you
for attempting to supply

illegal missile things.

Ugh.

Oh, my God.

Vee, read him his rights.

You have the right to remain.

You may not say anything you say
you will be held against you.

And the thing about the lawyer.
Do you understand your rights?

No.

Do you understand these rights?

Yes, yes. Very clear.

That crossbow's a threat.

The toy crossbow?

You can kill a dog
with one of those.

Okay, so I'll arrest him
for having a dangerous toy.

Hey, wait. No. We arrest now,
the jury's with Shabazz.

Alright, well,
this only goes one way.

Entry squad.

It's time for
the arterial Hail Mary.

The red-ink amen.

Okay.

I'm arresting him anyway.

- For what?
- I don't know.

Trying to summon
the fucking dinosaurs!

Kendra!

So we're good with this?

- Yes.
- Okay.

[gasps]

Taxi.

Are we still good
now that I shot him in the head?

No! No!

Everybody get down!
Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

- Hands up.
- Oh, shit!

[indistinct yelling]

Hey, don't shoot!
No shooting!

Moses Sultan Al Bey Al Shabazz,
AKA David Ford Edwards

I'm arresting you
on charges related to terrorism.

You can put that down.
It's fake anyway.

Me?
Wh... what charges?

Uh, behaving in a way
to cause a man

to be shot in the head
with a toy

which is worse than it sounds

and planning to overthrow
the government with an army.

- Four people?
- It's a small army.

And... and intending
to procure WMDs

which for a certain amount
of time

you definitely intended
to procure.

Among other charges.

You can put that down.
I told you, it's fake.

- But he..
- He works for us.

Lollipop.

You have the right
to remain silent.

Anything you say
can and will be used against you

in a court of law.

You have the right
to an attorney.

If you cannot afford
an attorney

one will be appointed for you.

Do you understand these rights
as I've explained them to you?

Moses, do you understand?

You know I made lightning
strike the cranes, right?

- Lord have mercy.
- It happened, Vee.

And I made the cops
put down their guns

with the help of a horse.
Right, brothers?

- Yeah.
- Mm-hm.

Really, y... you didn't.
We did.

And did you
put my horse out there?

- Thought so.
- Mo!

- We good, we good.
- Fuck, Moses...

Almighty Allah,
charge this weapon.

No. Moses, stop.

- You'll be okay.
- It's fake.

Don't hurt 'em,
just... just make the tube thing

knock 'em over
so we can leave.

- Please.
- He can't do that, obviously.

Bring them to their knees

and turn their guns
into whistles.

You're making this
so much worse.

- May we go?
- Just nice and easy.

- Put it down.
- May we go?

Moses, come on.

He says it won't hurt.

Don't push the button.

[button clicks]

[mellow music]

Andy, fourth circuit.

They'll take it.

Okay.

Put it down.

Great.

Kendra?

We're flying him to Virginia.

I have to fuck you up
a little bit right now, okay?

Okay, ma'am.

[grunting]

She'll be okay, right?

Communities?

Yup.

Ah!

Oh!

[grunting]

They would've shot him.

[helicopter whirring]

Wait, wait.
That's my child.

Where are you taking her?

Where are you taking her?

[Venus screaming]

Let her go!

Let her go!

Let me go!

♪ Black day ♪

♪ Stormy night ♪

♪ No love no hope in sight ♪

♪ Don't cry ♪

♪ He is coming ♪

♪ Don't die without knowing ♪

♪ The cross ♪

♪ We all have our problems ♪

♪ Some big some are small ♪

♪ Soon all of our problems ♪

♪ Will be taken by ♪

♪ The cross ♪

♪ Black day stormy night ♪

♪ No love no hope in sight ♪

♪ Don't cry for he's coming ♪

♪ Don't die without knowing ♪

♪ The cro-o-oss ♪

♪ Oh no ♪

♪ We all have
our own problems ♪

♪ Some are big
some are small ♪

♪ Soon all of our problems
y'all ♪

♪ Will be taken ♪

♪ By the cro-o-oss ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ The cro-o-oss ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org

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