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1
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>> So, Jackie, they call you
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"The Great One." How did that
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name come about?
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>> No, actually, Orson Welles
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was the first to call me "The
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Great One." I'm not exactly sure
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why. And then Lucy continued
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that tradition and started
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calling me that as well. And I
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never had a problem with it.
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I learned to deal with it.
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>> Why was "The Honeymooners"
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so successful?
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>> Well, I can probably give you
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30 reasons why. But the one that
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comes to mind is it was funny.
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That's all.
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>> Is it true that you didn't
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like to rehearse?
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>> I was never fond of
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rehearsing, simply because
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I believe that the best comedy
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should have a certain degree
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of spontaneity and surprise.
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And it was just totally
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a decision made by my technique.
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I liked to be surprised as well,
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and the more I rehearsed, the
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more I felt it was watered down,
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and so I rarely rehearsed.
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>> You have a reputation
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for enjoying your libations.
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>> Now, that is a lie.
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( laughs ) I drank for one
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reason only, and that is to get
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bagged. It never got in the way
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of my work. I never drank on
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show day. I was always on time.
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>> In five.
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>> You seen Jackie?
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>> Philbin.
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>> Everything okay?
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>> Yeah, just the usual preshow
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details, Mr. Friedman,
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nothing we can't handle.
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>> Listen.
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>> Joe, you seen Gleason?
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>> No, haven't seen him.
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>> Where is he?
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>> Well, you know Jackie.
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If he's not composing music,
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he's yelling at writers.
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If he's not yelling at writers,
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he's changing the lights.
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>> Excuse me, sir.
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>> If he's not changing
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the lights, he's telling
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the director how to do his job.
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No, this is not going to work.
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We're not gonna be able to see
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Art's face or hear his dialogue.
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>> I can't get another. The
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rental house is already closed.
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>> Well, it's too late to change
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it. We're going to have
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to go with it.
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>> Well, I could cut a hole
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in the front, but then we
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have to pay for it.
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>> Well, just do it.
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You got an hour.
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>> Just let me give him
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Mr. Paley's good wishes.
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>> Now, you know he doesn't like
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visitors before the show,
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especially from the network.
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No offense.
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>> None taken. It goes with
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the territory. But I do need
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to see him.
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>> If you'd just wait here,
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and I'll go get him.
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>> That's my boy.
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>> Think I'm going to be sick.
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>> "Stage Show" cast, we go live
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in 30 minutes. "Honeymooners,"
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that's a one-hour call for you.
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>> ( car horns honking )
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>> Why don't we try Second
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Avenue? This is like
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a parade route.
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>> Everything's jammed up,
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Mr. Gleason.
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>> So, you want to hear this?
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>> Yeah.
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>> So, we leave the Yankee game,
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right?
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>> Uh-huh.
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>> We get in the car, things
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start spinning, and I threw up.
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I was so loaded, I threw up all
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over Sinatra right in his limo.
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You believe that?
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>> ( chuckles )
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>> And you know what I told
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his driver?
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>> What's that, Mr. Gleason?
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>> "Throw the bum out. He's
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stinking up the car." ( laughs )
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>> I'll be darned.
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>> What, these guys think I'm
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going to wear a dress?
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I hate writers.
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>> ( horn honks )
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>> ( crowd murmuring )
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>> There he is!
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>> Hiya, folks. Hi.
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How'd everybody get in my
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dressing room?
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>> Jackie? Jackie, over here!
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>> Oh, my God.
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>> Oh, thank you. Hey, doll,
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aren't you something?
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>> Jackie.
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>> Thank you. How are you, pal?
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>> Jackie.
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>> Jackie.
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Jackie.
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>> You're the man.
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>> Jackie.
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>> Jackie.
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>> Jackie!
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>> Jackie. Jackie.
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>> You're welcome. Thank you.
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>> Thank you.
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>> Thank you, everybody.
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>> Jackie, where are you?
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You said you wanted to help me
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make the bread.
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>> For God's sakes, will you let
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that kid be?
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>> Jackie!
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>> You know what you're going
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to do? You're going to turn him
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into a mama's boy.
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>> He's all I've got left.
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>> And what the hell's that
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supposed to mean?
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>> ( metal clatters )
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>> It means maybe if I had
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a husband who knew how to look
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after his family, I'd still have
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two sons instead of one. No.
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>> ( laughs )
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You know what I can't believe?
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I can't believe you still blame
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me. The kid was sick, Mae.
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Our boy was sick. You know,
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I just don't do enough
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around here, do I?
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>> Enough for who?
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>> You know, one of these days,
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poof!
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>> Oh, can it, Herb.
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>> You know what? I know where
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you hide it. Oh, yeah.
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>> Hey, that's clean l--
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>> Oh, yeah, I know, all right.
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Oh, yeah. Ah, there we go.
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Damn, I can't believe how fast
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you go through the hooch!
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>> Oh, what, like you don't?
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You're drunk by 2:00
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in the afternoon.
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>> Yeah? Oh, what time is it?
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Oh, I know. Time for a drink.
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Oh, yeah.
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>> No, you are not taking
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the food money again and go
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get drunk. You put it back!
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>> No, no!
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>> Put it back, Herb!
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>> No, no. No, you know what?
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You're right. I am to blame.
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For not telling you how
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beautiful you are. Come on,
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baby. Come on, look at me.
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>> Just put the money
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back, Herb.
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>> Come on, love.
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>> Put it back, Herb!
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>> God damn it, will you just
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let me have a good time
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for once?
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>> Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
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Stop it!
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>> Aw, come on.
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>> Are you okay, Ma?
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>> Yeah, I'm okay, Jackie.
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>> Hey, killer, how 'bout you
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take a walk with your old man,
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huh? You know what we'll do?
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We'll go see a show
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at the Halsey. How would you
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like that, huh?
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>> Herb. Herb.
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>> Okay? Come on.
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>> Herb! What'd I tell you about
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taking him out when
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you've been drinking?
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>> Come on, Ma. I want to go.
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>> Yeah, come on, Ma.
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We want to go.
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>> Don't you take your eyes
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off him.
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>> Hear that, Jackie? You don't
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take your eyes off me, huh?
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>> Come on, buddy.
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Let's go see a show.
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>> You be good, Jackie.
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>> ( applause, cheering )
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>> Fifi and her magic circle
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of fire, ladies and gentlemen.
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Well, our next act is certainly
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no dog act. Let's have a big
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hand for the one and only
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Benny Meyer!
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>> Benny!
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>> Benny Meyer.
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>> Benny.
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>> ( laughter )
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>> ( band playing )
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>> ( audience gasps )
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( laughing )
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>> ( imitating train engine )
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( laughs )
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Hey, you have a good time with
238
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your old man tonight?
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>> Sure, Pop.
240
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>> Yeah?
241
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>> Yeah, it was some show.
242
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>> Oh, yeah, that was some show.
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Whoo-hoo! ( laughs )
244
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Oh, Jackie.
245
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Hey, I ever tell you what a good
246
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boy you are? You are such
247
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a good boy. ( laughs ) I'm going
248
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to give you something. How would
249
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you like that, huh? I'm going
250
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to give you something, but you
251
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got to promise me you are not
252
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going to tell your ma.
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>> Promise.
254
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>> Hmm? Let's see.
255
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>> A nickel?
256
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>> Guy like you can't walk
257
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around broke, Mr. Jackie
258
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Gleason. Here. You put that
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in your pocket, pal. ( laughs )
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All right, open ses-a-me.
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>> ( sleigh bells jingling )
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>> ( hoofbeats clopping )
263
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:05,886
>> Eat some more of your peas,
264
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,822
Jackie. Come on, don't play with
265
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:09,690
your food.
266
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,597
>> Maybe the subway's late.
267
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:17,230
>> ( knock on door )
268
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:17,931
>> He's here! That's him!
269
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:21,234
>> No, that's not him, Jackie.
270
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:22,736
>> Mrs. Gleason?
271
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:26,540
>> Yes. Thank you for coming.
272
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:27,174
>> Has he ever been
273
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,008
gone this long before?
274
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,643
>> No, never this long.
275
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,011
>> Well, Ma, remember
276
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:31,979
last Thanksgiving?
277
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:35,983
>> No, it wasn't this long.
278
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,250
>> Well, what would help us is
279
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,986
a photograph, identification,
280
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,120
if anyone's seen him.
281
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,188
>> Jackie.
282
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:50,831
Um...
283
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:55,669
>> Where are all the pictures
284
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:57,571
of Daddy?
285
00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,640
>> I don't understand.
286
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,909
>> I'm sorry. We'll do what we
287
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,111
can, okay? Merry Christmas.
288
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,729
>> ( soft crying )
289
00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:46,219
>> ( applause )
290
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:46,854
>> Thank you, ladies and
291
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,255
gentlemen. Now the Halsey
292
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,757
Theatre is proud to present
293
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,892
a new act. We're really excited
294
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,126
about this young man. He's going
295
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,828
to go places. How about a nice
296
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,730
warm welcome, big hand
297
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:59,366
for Jackie Gleason!
298
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,836
>> 15 minutes to "Stage Show."
299
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:03,871
We go live in 15.
300
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:04,905
>> What exactly is the problem?
301
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:05,939
>> I want a different driver.
302
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:06,807
>> Another one?
303
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:07,507
>> Thank you, Willy.
304
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,308
>> What happened to this one?
305
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:08,842
>> He's a wacko.
306
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:09,843
>> All right, fine,
307
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:10,543
I'll handle it.
308
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:11,378
>> Jackie, you are killing me
309
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,079
with the lateness.
310
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,881
>> 'Cause I'm all out of poison.
311
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,015
>> Very funny. You do realize
312
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:15,849
this is live, right?
313
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:16,316
>> Mm-hmm.
314
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:16,817
>> Hey, Jackie!
315
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:17,851
>> Ladies. Artie.
316
00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:18,919
What's up, Philly?
317
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:19,953
>> Friedman wants to see you.
318
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,188
>> You know I don't see people
319
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:21,822
before the show.
320
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,356
>> Well, he's not people.
321
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:24,024
He's from the network.
322
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,025
>> Well, then, I definitely
323
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,126
don't want to see him.
324
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:27,394
>> Bullets? Bullets, you're his
325
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,829
manager. Will you help me out?
326
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:29,863
>> Hey, hey, he's a big boy.
327
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:30,731
>> Oh, that's right.
328
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:31,198
You do nothing.
329
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:31,765
>> Don't start.
330
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,000
>> Look, Jackie, please?
331
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:33,701
>> "Please" never works.
332
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:34,401
>> He's Paley's number-two guy.
333
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:35,736
>> He gets five minutes after
334
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:36,203
the show.
335
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:36,870
>> Now?
336
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:37,738
>> Later.
337
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:38,371
>> No, now.
338
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:39,239
>> Fine. You want to talk?
339
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,674
Go ahead and talk to him.
340
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:41,141
>> Good evening, Jackie.
341
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:41,842
>> Oh, God.
342
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,043
>> I was wondering if you got
343
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,077
the new script pages yet?
344
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:45,112
>> You call that a script?
345
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,346
I wouldn't let my parakeet crap
346
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,781
on that thing. That was death.
347
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:48,415
>> I thought that was
348
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,116
the direction that--
349
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:49,649
>> No, funny's the direction.
350
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:50,851
>> Well, if you came
351
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:51,885
to rehearsal every once
352
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:52,920
in a while, you'd see that--
353
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,154
>> What would I see? That you're
354
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,388
in charge of my scheduling now?
355
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,423
>> Hey, maybe we should give
356
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,090
the scene to Carney.
357
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:58,291
>> Maybe you should go write
358
00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,727
for Berle. Get me some ice.
359
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:00,761
>> See? I told you later.
360
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:01,829
>> Here you go, Jackie.
361
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:02,329
>> Scotch up.
362
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:07,901
>> ( ball falls in pocket )
363
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:08,936
>> You put the word in with
364
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:09,970
Fisher about me taking over
365
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,705
your emcee spot?
366
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:12,906
>> Jackie, how many times we got
367
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:13,874
to talk about this?
368
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:14,942
You're not ready.
369
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:16,276
>> What do you mean?
370
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:17,310
>> I'm not putting my reputation
371
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,946
on the line for a guy who's been
372
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,447
at it only four months.
373
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,481
>> You saw me kill 'em
374
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,150
the other night.
375
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,985
>> Yeah, that reminds me.
376
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,019
If you're going to steal
377
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:26,887
other guys' routines, at least
378
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:27,755
do 'em right.
379
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:28,856
>> I'm changing 'em around
380
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:29,957
to fit me.
381
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,158
>> All right, fine. Just don't
382
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,360
change the funny parts. And you
383
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:36,864
got to work on your timing.
384
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:37,898
>> What did I tell you about
385
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:38,932
talking while I shoot?
386
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:39,399
>> Sorry.
387
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:40,100
>> Huh?
388
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:40,801
>> Sorry. Look, all I'm saying
389
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,803
is that it took me three years
390
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,037
till I was offered a job
391
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:44,704
outside the Halsey.
392
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:47,007
>> That's you. I'll tell you
393
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,441
what. You put the fix in for me,
394
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:49,877
and you won't owe me another
395
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:50,410
red cent.
396
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:51,912
>> What am I up to?
397
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,046
>> Six bucks, plus the two bits
398
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,514
you're about to lose.
399
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:55,949
I get the job, I give
400
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:56,984
you a dollar a week.
401
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,018
>> The job only pays three.
402
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,052
What are you going to do,
403
00:11:59,086 --> 00:11:59,987
work for a lousy--
404
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,221
>> Will you let me worry about
405
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,023
that? Shoot your shot. What are
406
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,257
you going to do? More to the
407
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:05,492
right. You're going to kiss off
408
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:06,960
the seven. Go ahead.
409
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:07,961
Keep embarrassing yourself.
410
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,296
>> All right! I'll talk
411
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,031
to Fisher.
412
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,200
>> Tell him he won't be sorry.
413
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,234
>> But I'll tell you, I'm
414
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,903
staying at a lousy hotel, ladies
415
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:17,437
and gentlemen. They steal my
416
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:20,040
towels. The good news is they
417
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,042
send up the heat religiously,
418
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,243
once a week,
419
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,078
on Sundays.
420
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,379
>> ( slight laughter )
421
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,915
>> Poor guy.
422
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:28,916
>> I think he's kinda cute.
423
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,483
>> I'll tell you, they sure ask
424
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:34,021
a lot for rent. No, that's not--
425
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,889
no, they-- no, they ask a lot
426
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:38,826
for rent. Last week, they asked
427
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:39,392
me five times.
428
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,861
>> ( chuckles )
429
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:41,561
>> Thank you very much,
430
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:42,229
everybody.
431
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:42,930
>> ( applause )
432
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:43,997
>> Good night.
433
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,032
>> How about a nice hand for
434
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,199
Jackie Gleason? What'd I tell
435
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,835
you, huh? Timing.
436
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,569
>> It was fine.
437
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,872
>> And now please welcome
438
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,140
the ballet artistry
439
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:56,209
of the Halford Twins.
440
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:59,079
>> ( applause )
441
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,350
>> ( band playing )
442
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:07,420
>> I hear they're not really
443
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:10,157
twins, just sisters.
444
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:11,191
>> Who cares? They can be
445
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:12,960
brothers. Look at the pins
446
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:14,461
on that one.
447
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:15,462
>> I'll take the one
448
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,130
on the right.
449
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:20,467
( laughs )
450
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,069
>> Puppets.
451
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,909
>> The matinee. Oh, my God.
452
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,310
>> Hello. My name is Jackie.
453
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:31,912
I'm one of the new comics
454
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:32,545
around here.
455
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,447
>> Yeah, we know. We saw.
456
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,149
>> Thank you. And I just want
457
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,584
to tell you what a pleasure it
458
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:38,886
is to watch you gals do
459
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,320
the ballet.
460
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,289
>> Well, thank you.
461
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,125
>> You're welcome. You know,
462
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,860
it'd really be an honor to take
463
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,295
you gals out for a late supper
464
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,097
tonight. What do you say?
465
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:51,564
>> Well, I've already got plans
466
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:52,232
with Armando, but--
467
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,868
>> Ah, really? The juggler?
468
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:56,103
Are you going to walk or take
469
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,305
the unicycle?
470
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:58,972
>> That's funny.
471
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,440
>> Always writing. You know,
472
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,275
that's comics. How about you,
473
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:03,944
miss?
474
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,312
>> I'm a little tired tonight.
475
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:06,246
Maybe some other time.
476
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,281
>> Maybe tomorrow night?
477
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,918
>> Maybe.
478
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:13,486
>> Okay, I'll see you then.
479
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,923
Have a great show out there.
480
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,124
>> Have a good night.
481
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,095
>> I'm telling you, Ma, this
482
00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:23,997
girl is nuts about me. And she's
483
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,033
a dancer. You know, not that
484
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,935
kind of dancer, a good dancer.
485
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:28,902
She's ballet.
486
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:32,973
>> Oh, yeah? ( breathing hard )
487
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:33,473
>> What's with
488
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:34,041
the breathing, Ma?
489
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:37,510
>> I'm fine. So, when do
490
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,545
I get to meet her?
491
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,313
>> I don't know. If things go
492
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,682
okay tonight, maybe soon.
493
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:43,984
There's something different
494
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,185
about her.
495
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,286
>> Yeah, that's what you said
496
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,588
about the last one. They ever
497
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,023
find your wallet?
498
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,359
>> ( laughs ) Can you stop with
499
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,060
that, please?
500
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,527
>> Hey, I just care about you,
501
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:55,996
that's all.
502
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,297
>> I know, Ma.
503
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,598
You're the greatest.
504
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,500
>> Yeah. Hey, how about you
505
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:01,601
stay home tonight, keep me
506
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:02,702
company, huh?
507
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,937
>> Ma, how many times I have
508
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:06,673
to tell you? You're not my type.
509
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,341
>> Yeah.
510
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:09,442
>> I'll tell you, that Chaplin,
511
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,411
he's a genius. He says it all
512
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:12,512
with his eyes.
513
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:13,947
>> God, the way he was with that
514
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,049
little kid. It's like he makes
515
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:16,683
me laugh and cry.
516
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:17,550
>> ( horn honks )
517
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:18,218
>> Watch yourself.
518
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,452
>> He makes me laugh and cry
519
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:20,287
at the same time.
520
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,688
>> Come on. And you know
521
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,356
the best thing about it? He runs
522
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:25,058
the whole show. He's the writer,
523
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,960
the director. He's the star,
524
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:27,727
doesn't have to depend
525
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,162
on anybody.
526
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,663
>> Is that what you want? Not to
527
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,199
have to depend on anybody?
528
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:33,066
>> Isn't that what
529
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,101
everybody wants?
530
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,336
>> Eh, not everyone. I think
531
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,972
it might get kind of lonely.
532
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,540
>> You know what? You got
533
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:41,374
to meet my ma.
534
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:42,375
>> Why's that?
535
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:43,076
>> Because you seem to
536
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,244
understand people the same way
537
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:47,180
she does. Hey, listen, just for
538
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,982
a giggle, let's go by and say
539
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:51,051
hi. What do you say?
540
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,252
>> Jackie, we hardly
541
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:52,919
know each other.
542
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,121
>> Yeah, but, see, this way,
543
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,355
we can all get to know
544
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,357
each other at the same time.
545
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:59,292
>> I don't know, Jackie.
546
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:02,129
>> I do. Come on.
547
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:02,695
>> ( radio playing music )
548
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:05,032
>> Come on. Come on. Ma?
549
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:07,734
Come on. Come on. She's going
550
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:08,368
to love it.
551
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,703
>> But maybe she's asleep.
552
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,039
>> Does it sound like she's
553
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:13,473
asleep? What, are you kidding?
554
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:17,444
Come on in. Ma? Oh, she made
555
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,412
a banana bread. You want some?
556
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:20,247
>> Oh, I'm okay, thanks.
557
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,114
>> Huh?
558
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:21,814
>> No, I'm--
559
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,550
>> That's why you're a twig. Ma?
560
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,052
What'd I tell you about keeping
561
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:27,754
these late hours?
562
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:28,721
You like jazz?
563
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:30,190
>> Oh, yeah, yeah, I love it.
564
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:31,424
>> You see? I knew it. You're
565
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,027
going to be two peas in a pod.
566
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:36,029
>> ( laughs )
567
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:41,768
No, I can't. Jackie. Wait.
568
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:44,171
Seriously, do I look all right?
569
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:45,205
>> What, are you kidding me?
570
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,273
>> Is she going to--
571
00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:48,108
>> You look unbelievable.
572
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,309
>> No.
573
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,777
>> Ma? Come on, I want you
574
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,279
to meet Jen.
575
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:19,572
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa.
576
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:21,074
Mr. Friedman, it's ten minutes
577
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:21,774
before the show.
578
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:22,742
>> Well, that's plenty of time
579
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:23,776
to convey Mr. Paley's
580
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:24,444
good wishes.
581
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:24,977
>> ( sighs )
582
00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:25,645
>> I'll just take--
583
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,280
>> Mr. Friedman, no. Listen.
584
00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:29,616
Listen to me. Jackie doesn't see
585
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,783
anybody before the show.
586
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,152
It's a superstition.
587
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:32,785
>> Sure. Sure. I understand.
588
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:33,786
Good. But just give me
589
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:34,454
two minutes.
590
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:35,155
>> Ah, bup-bup-bup-bup-bup!
591
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,556
>> Look, what do you expect me
592
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:37,390
to tell Mr. Paley?
593
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:37,857
>> Look--
594
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:38,558
>> Huh?
595
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:39,759
>> Tell him I saved your life.
596
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:40,793
>> That you couldn't give me
597
00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:42,229
30 seconds to walk in and
598
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:42,929
give him--
599
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:43,730
>> Jackie: Hello! I hear talking
600
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,299
outside the door!
601
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,534
>> Yeah. I'm just going to go
602
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,368
sit in the audience.
603
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,068
>> That's a good idea.
604
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:50,403
>> Okay. Hey, have a wonderful
605
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:50,870
show.
606
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:51,571
>> Thanks.
607
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:52,272
>> ( clicks tongue ) Top-notch.
608
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:55,575
>> Top-notch. ( clicks tongue )
609
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,180
>> Five minutes, Miss Halford.
610
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:00,847
>> ( laughs )
611
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:01,548
>> Hey.
612
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,249
>> Hi.
613
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:03,883
>> Is everybody decent? Is that
614
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,419
okay, ladies? You were great in
615
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,721
that saloon, the Western thing,
616
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,358
very funny. Hi. How are you?
617
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:12,024
>> Hello.
618
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:13,260
>> I just wanted to wish you
619
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:13,960
good luck tonight.
620
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,862
>> Oh, thank you. You too. Hey,
621
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:18,765
Mr. Big Shot. Big city debut.
622
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:19,299
>> Yeah.
623
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:19,999
>> Club Miami, huh?
624
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:20,700
>> Yeah. Yeah. Oh, come here.
625
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:21,401
Come here. I heard something.
626
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,804
I want to ask you. Come here.
627
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,473
Listen, I was thinking maybe
628
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:27,740
after our shows, we can get
629
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:28,875
together at my place tonight.
630
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:31,778
What do you say? Come on.
631
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,480
>> I told-- Jackie, we had
632
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:36,816
this conversation. I'm waiting.
633
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,185
>> What are you waiting for,
634
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,719
a rainy day? I've been waiting
635
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,354
for six months. Is there
636
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:42,589
a little part of you that
637
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,423
doesn't have to wait?
638
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,224
>> Knock it off.
639
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:44,891
>> ( gasps )
640
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,793
>> ( laughs )
641
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,228
>> Hey, why don't you come by
642
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:49,329
my show tomorrow night?
643
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:50,397
>> Oh, actually, I have
644
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:51,097
dinner plans.
645
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:51,798
>> Well, maybe after dinner, you
646
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,533
can come by, and I'll leave you
647
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:54,767
two tickets for the late show.
648
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:01,474
>> Hey, Jackie, where is
649
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:02,175
this going?
650
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:03,376
>> Come on, you know this has
651
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:04,811
been a crazy year for me with
652
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:05,845
everything going on, and now
653
00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:06,879
I'm playing the bigger rooms
654
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:07,847
in the city, and--
655
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:11,584
>> I know, but where do
656
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,420
I fit into that?
657
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:14,654
>> Ah, come on, Jen. You know
658
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:15,822
I'm crazy about you.
659
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,391
>> Well, I don't want crazy.
660
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,660
Someday I want a family.
661
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:23,830
>> Jen. Sorry. We're on next.
662
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:24,864
>> Okay, I'll be right there.
663
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:26,499
>> Okay.
664
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:27,867
>> All right, go get 'em, tiger.
665
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,537
You got a packed house tonight.
666
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:31,371
Remember everything
667
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:31,838
I taught you.
668
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:32,772
>> Mm-hmm.
669
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:33,940
>> Plié, plié.
670
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,775
>> Stop it.
671
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:36,943
>> I'll see you tomorrow night?
672
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,345
>> I'll try.
673
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:41,614
>> Good luck.
674
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:42,849
So, did you see the way
675
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:43,483
I murdered 'em tonight?
676
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,717
>> What'd I tell you about
677
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:45,718
stealing, huh? Jackie, you did
678
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:46,819
two of my jokes.
679
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,321
>> And they killed. You, my
680
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:49,722
friend, are an excellent writer.
681
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:50,823
Come on, dinner's on me.
682
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:51,824
>> Where we going?
683
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:52,859
>> We're going right here.
684
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:53,893
>> Yeah, well, wait a minute.
685
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:54,961
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
686
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,296
We're going in here?
687
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:56,763
>> Well, we ain't
688
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:57,730
going bowling.
689
00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:59,299
>> Yeah, but this place is
690
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:00,400
for big shots.
691
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:01,668
>> Well, then, maybe you should
692
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:02,602
wait outside. They happen
693
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:03,936
to cater to entertainers. That's
694
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,538
us. And you don't have to pay.
695
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:06,739
You just sign for everything.
696
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:07,407
>> Entertainers who make
697
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,675
a living. Eventually you got
698
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:09,509
to pay it back.
699
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,412
>> Eventually. Come on.
700
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:13,946
Hey, I bet they have scampi.
701
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,248
>> I'm not eating.
702
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:16,949
>> You'll eat.
703
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,551
>> I can't afford this.
704
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:19,819
>> Ah, you think small,
705
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:21,521
my friend.
706
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,723
>> ( music playing )
707
00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:24,791
>> I got two weeks' salary
708
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,326
on my plate. I can't eat this.
709
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:27,026
I'll get indigestion.
710
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:27,660
>> What are you worried about?
711
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:28,895
You're not paying for it.
712
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,330
Eat your potato. You want
713
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,831
to trade for the donkey here?
714
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,866
>> Jackie, Jackie, it's...
715
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:34,967
>> Ahem. Excuse me, Mr. Shor.
716
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:35,635
>> Mr. Shor.
717
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:36,869
>> Excuse me. I just want to
718
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,305
tell you, you have a beautiful
719
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,339
restaurant here, and maybe next
720
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:40,773
time, I can get a table
721
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:41,741
near a waiter.
722
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,943
>> ( laughs ) Do I know you?
723
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:44,644
>> Mr. Shor--
724
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:46,446
>> My name's Jackie Gleason. I'm
725
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:47,680
headlining up at the Club Miami,
726
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,316
and it would be my honor to have
727
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:50,383
you as my guest anytime.
728
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:53,353
>> Thank you. What do you do?
729
00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:58,825
>> What do I do? I'm a comic.
730
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:00,693
>> ( chuckles ) Good for you.
731
00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:01,928
>> Excuse me, Mr. Shor. Jack
732
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,363
Benny is ready for his table.
733
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:05,365
>> Great. Nice to meet you.
734
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:06,566
>> Likewise.
735
00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:12,939
Well, that went well.
736
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:16,142
>> Ahem.
737
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:17,810
>> May I have a pen so I may
738
00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:19,479
sign my tab, please?
739
00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:20,847
>> Do you have a tab?
740
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:21,981
>> Are you calling me a liar?
741
00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:27,787
Does your mommy know you're up
742
00:21:27,820 --> 00:21:31,057
this late? Why don't you send a
743
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:32,659
nice bottle over to Mr. Benny's
744
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:33,493
table and put something
745
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:34,961
on there for yourself.
746
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:41,901
We're in.
747
00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:50,477
>> You don't have to answer
748
00:21:50,510 --> 00:21:51,177
me. They're jokes, not
749
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:53,913
a conversation. What do I know?
750
00:21:53,946 --> 00:21:55,448
That's why I never shower alone,
751
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:58,351
ladies and gentlemen. How about
752
00:21:58,385 --> 00:21:59,919
this marvelous club, Club Miami?
753
00:21:59,952 --> 00:22:01,721
Is this wild here? I got to tell
754
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:03,756
you, the food is fit for a king.
755
00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:05,358
Here, King! ( kiss )
756
00:22:05,392 --> 00:22:06,793
Come on, boy. Where are you?
757
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:09,596
>> ( laughter )
758
00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:16,536
>> What the hell you looking at,
759
00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:18,004
pal? You look like you lost your
760
00:22:18,037 --> 00:22:19,806
best friend. By any chance,
761
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:22,875
did he run off with your hair?
762
00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:23,510
>> Yeah.
763
00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:24,210
>> Could you put your head
764
00:22:24,243 --> 00:22:27,079
on dim? ( chuckles ) Good thing
765
00:22:27,113 --> 00:22:28,515
about it, pal, at least if
766
00:22:28,548 --> 00:22:30,383
you find a hair in your soup,
767
00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:31,418
you know it ain't yours.
768
00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:32,985
But I got to tell you, life is
769
00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:33,686
good, ladies and gentlemen.
770
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,422
My landlord called me the other
771
00:22:35,455 --> 00:22:37,824
day, told me I have three days
772
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,659
to pay rent. I said, "Okay,
773
00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:41,428
I pick Easter, Thanksgiving,
774
00:22:41,461 --> 00:22:43,830
and New Year's Eve, 1962.
775
00:22:43,863 --> 00:22:46,766
>> ( laughter )
776
00:22:50,937 --> 00:22:51,804
>> And you, get your legs
777
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:52,872
together. What, are you
778
00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:53,773
waiting for a parade?
779
00:22:53,806 --> 00:22:56,876
You should see what I see.
780
00:22:56,909 --> 00:22:57,710
I'm Jackie Gleason.
781
00:22:57,744 --> 00:22:59,746
Have a good night.
782
00:22:59,779 --> 00:23:01,147
>> ( applause )
783
00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:03,783
>> Stu, come on.
784
00:23:03,816 --> 00:23:05,618
>> So, where's Jen? Thought I
785
00:23:05,652 --> 00:23:07,654
saw her come in here tonight.
786
00:23:07,687 --> 00:23:09,456
>> Oh, yeah? I didn't even
787
00:23:09,489 --> 00:23:10,790
notice. Crowd was so hot.
788
00:23:10,823 --> 00:23:13,793
Let's go. Come on.
789
00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:14,861
>> Come on, Jackie, you've had
790
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:17,797
enough, buddy. ( sighs )
791
00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:21,801
>> Come here. Hey, I'll tell you
792
00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:23,069
when I had enough.
793
00:23:44,624 --> 00:23:48,595
Jen. Open the door, Jen. Jen,
794
00:23:48,628 --> 00:23:50,697
open the door, I got to do--
795
00:23:50,730 --> 00:23:52,999
Jen, open the door! Come on,
796
00:23:53,032 --> 00:23:54,601
why don't you send the bum out?
797
00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:57,637
Send the bum out! Catholic girl,
798
00:23:57,670 --> 00:23:59,005
my ass. I know what goes on
799
00:23:59,038 --> 00:24:00,206
in here, Jen!
800
00:24:00,239 --> 00:24:01,240
>> Jackie, what are you doing?
801
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:02,008
>> Unlock the door.
802
00:24:02,041 --> 00:24:02,975
Unlock the door!
803
00:24:03,009 --> 00:24:03,843
>> Stop it.
804
00:24:03,876 --> 00:24:04,677
>> Is he in there?
805
00:24:04,711 --> 00:24:05,612
>> Get out!
806
00:24:05,645 --> 00:24:07,614
>> Open it up.
807
00:24:07,647 --> 00:24:08,881
>> See? Look. Look for yourself.
808
00:24:08,915 --> 00:24:09,916
>> Where is he? Send him out.
809
00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:10,750
>> There's no one there.
810
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:11,984
You know the way I am.
811
00:24:12,018 --> 00:24:14,020
You're being ridiculous.
812
00:24:14,053 --> 00:24:14,954
>> What were you doing?
813
00:24:14,987 --> 00:24:16,188
What were you doing to me?
814
00:24:16,222 --> 00:24:17,624
You think you can go down
815
00:24:17,657 --> 00:24:19,559
to a club where I work in front
816
00:24:19,592 --> 00:24:20,860
of my friends with another guy
817
00:24:20,893 --> 00:24:21,894
and show me up?
818
00:24:21,928 --> 00:24:22,929
>> I can go out with
819
00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:23,630
whoever I want.
820
00:24:23,663 --> 00:24:24,831
>> What? Go out with whomever
821
00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:25,865
you want? Who is he?
822
00:24:25,898 --> 00:24:26,599
>> A f--
823
00:24:26,633 --> 00:24:27,867
>> Who is he?!
824
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:28,568
>> We're friends.
825
00:24:28,601 --> 00:24:29,936
>> A friend? What the hell am I?
826
00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:31,538
I'm not a friend! You don't do
827
00:24:31,571 --> 00:24:32,038
that to people!
828
00:24:32,071 --> 00:24:32,872
>> Hey! It's 4:00
829
00:24:32,905 --> 00:24:33,540
in the morning!
830
00:24:33,573 --> 00:24:34,073
>> Huh?
831
00:24:34,106 --> 00:24:34,774
>> Shut the hell up!
832
00:24:34,807 --> 00:24:36,075
>> Yeah, you want to be next?
833
00:24:36,108 --> 00:24:36,743
>> Okay, Jackie, wait.
834
00:24:36,776 --> 00:24:38,077
You're scaring me now, okay?
835
00:24:38,110 --> 00:24:38,711
>> Scaring you?
836
00:24:38,745 --> 00:24:39,779
>> Please, please go home.
837
00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:40,246
>> Let me in.
838
00:24:40,279 --> 00:24:40,947
>> No.
839
00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:41,948
>> What happened when you said
840
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:42,782
you cared about me?
841
00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:43,816
Remember when you cared
842
00:24:43,850 --> 00:24:45,585
about me? I miss that!
843
00:24:45,618 --> 00:24:47,520
>> All right, Jackie, you have
844
00:24:47,554 --> 00:24:50,189
to care too.
845
00:24:50,222 --> 00:24:51,824
>> Does this look like a guy who
846
00:24:51,858 --> 00:24:54,761
doesn't care? Let me in.
847
00:24:54,794 --> 00:24:55,828
>> It's not worth it.
848
00:24:55,862 --> 00:24:57,096
>> I want to tell you a story.
849
00:24:57,129 --> 00:24:58,531
>> It's not worth it.
850
00:24:58,565 --> 00:24:59,766
>> It is worth-- no, it is.
851
00:24:59,799 --> 00:25:00,767
I'll tell you why!
852
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,836
>> ( lock clicks )
853
00:25:03,870 --> 00:25:05,738
>> It's worth it!
854
00:25:13,212 --> 00:25:14,881
Okay.
855
00:25:39,706 --> 00:25:40,840
>> Read all about it.
856
00:25:40,873 --> 00:25:42,008
Jackie says he's sorry.
857
00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,843
>> ( sighs )
858
00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:44,877
>> How does a fella get
859
00:25:44,911 --> 00:25:46,779
some eggs around here?
860
00:25:46,813 --> 00:25:47,580
>> Jackie.
861
00:25:47,614 --> 00:25:49,816
>> I knew you'd be back.
862
00:25:49,849 --> 00:25:50,817
>> Are you crazy?
863
00:25:50,850 --> 00:25:52,351
You slept in the hall?
864
00:25:52,384 --> 00:25:53,786
>> Well, I was in no condition
865
00:25:53,820 --> 00:25:54,486
to walk.
866
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,222
>> Because you drink too much.
867
00:25:56,255 --> 00:25:57,924
>> Fella's got to have a hobby.
868
00:25:57,957 --> 00:25:59,225
>> ( chuckles ) Stop it.
869
00:25:59,258 --> 00:26:00,026
I'm serious.
870
00:26:00,059 --> 00:26:01,594
>> Jen...
871
00:26:03,162 --> 00:26:06,198
...listen to me. I can change.
872
00:26:06,232 --> 00:26:09,135
I have a reason to now.
873
00:26:09,168 --> 00:26:11,871
>> You must sleep.
874
00:26:11,904 --> 00:26:12,972
>> I'll never sleep again unless
875
00:26:13,005 --> 00:26:13,806
you marry me, Jen.
876
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:14,774
>> What?
877
00:26:14,807 --> 00:26:15,875
>> Listen, I made a mess
878
00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:17,109
of things, and I want to make
879
00:26:17,143 --> 00:26:18,144
it up to you, Jen.
880
00:26:18,177 --> 00:26:19,746
>> How, by marrying me?
881
00:26:19,779 --> 00:26:20,813
You don't want to get
882
00:26:20,847 --> 00:26:21,447
married, Jackie.
883
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:22,649
>> I don't have a choice.
884
00:26:22,682 --> 00:26:23,883
You know why? 'Cause I'm never
885
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:24,917
going to let you go.
886
00:26:24,951 --> 00:26:26,185
I am perfect for you.
887
00:26:26,218 --> 00:26:28,087
>> You're perfect for you.
888
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:29,221
>> Well, maybe it's contagious.
889
00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:29,922
>> ( scoffs )
890
00:26:29,956 --> 00:26:31,123
>> Come on, you know the drill.
891
00:26:31,157 --> 00:26:32,358
Go buy a beautiful white dress,
892
00:26:32,391 --> 00:26:33,793
walk down the aisle, and I will
893
00:26:33,826 --> 00:26:34,827
make you the happiest woman
894
00:26:34,861 --> 00:26:35,527
on Earth.
895
00:26:35,561 --> 00:26:36,963
>> I'm not ready for this, Jac--
896
00:26:36,996 --> 00:26:38,197
>> Well, go get ready, and I'll
897
00:26:38,230 --> 00:26:39,398
go buy a cake.
898
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:41,067
>> I can't marry you like this.
899
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:42,334
>> What, are you kidding? Do you
900
00:26:42,368 --> 00:26:43,770
know how gorgeous you are in
901
00:26:43,803 --> 00:26:46,673
yellow? You're something else.
902
00:26:46,706 --> 00:26:47,373
>> Oh!
903
00:26:47,406 --> 00:26:49,942
>> Come on, you are a good one.
904
00:26:49,976 --> 00:26:52,111
Want me to get that? Whoa.
905
00:26:52,144 --> 00:26:54,080
>> ( music playing )
906
00:26:54,113 --> 00:26:56,282
>> Whoo!
907
00:26:56,315 --> 00:26:58,818
>> ( overlapping chatter )
908
00:27:04,957 --> 00:27:06,759
>> Nothing wrong with that.
909
00:27:06,793 --> 00:27:07,326
>> The same one.
910
00:27:12,932 --> 00:27:14,901
>> Excuse me.
911
00:27:14,934 --> 00:27:16,268
>> Oh, come on. It's wonderful.
912
00:27:16,302 --> 00:27:17,303
Just one dance.
913
00:27:26,779 --> 00:27:28,147
>> ( indistinct whisper )
914
00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:41,861
* Oh, when the saints
915
00:27:41,894 --> 00:27:44,163
* Come marching in
916
00:27:44,196 --> 00:27:46,165
* Oh, when the saints
917
00:27:46,198 --> 00:27:49,268
* Go marching in
918
00:27:49,301 --> 00:27:50,803
Hah!
919
00:27:50,837 --> 00:27:51,938
>> Your brother-in-law here is
920
00:27:51,971 --> 00:27:52,939
something else, huh?
921
00:27:52,972 --> 00:27:53,740
>> He certainly is.
922
00:27:53,773 --> 00:27:54,273
>> Yeah.
923
00:27:54,306 --> 00:27:54,974
>> He certainly is.
924
00:27:55,007 --> 00:27:56,776
>> * Oh, when the saints
925
00:27:56,809 --> 00:28:00,780
* Come marching in.
926
00:28:00,813 --> 00:28:01,714
>> You look so beautiful.
927
00:28:01,748 --> 00:28:02,749
>> Are you going to dance?
928
00:28:02,782 --> 00:28:03,382
>> Yeah!
929
00:28:03,415 --> 00:28:03,950
>> You're going to dance?
930
00:28:03,983 --> 00:28:04,884
>> How are you, ladies?
931
00:28:04,917 --> 00:28:05,752
>> Hi, Sammy.
932
00:28:05,785 --> 00:28:06,318
>> Hi, Sammy.
933
00:28:06,352 --> 00:28:07,319
>> I'm going to go get
934
00:28:07,353 --> 00:28:08,354
some more punch. See you.
935
00:28:08,387 --> 00:28:09,922
>> Okay. Yes.
936
00:28:09,956 --> 00:28:11,357
Hey, have you seen Jackie?
937
00:28:11,390 --> 00:28:13,325
>> Yeah. He's on the stage
938
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:14,794
in the back doing his act.
939
00:28:14,827 --> 00:28:16,295
>> He's doing a show tonight?
940
00:28:16,328 --> 00:28:18,497
>> Yeah. And the late show too.
941
00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:19,899
How do you think he's paying for
942
00:28:19,932 --> 00:28:22,001
the wedding? What a guy, huh?
943
00:28:22,034 --> 00:28:23,169
How are you?
944
00:28:25,071 --> 00:28:26,272
>> Ladies and gentlemen, I want
945
00:28:26,305 --> 00:28:28,140
to talk to you about marriage,
946
00:28:28,174 --> 00:28:29,942
which I believe to be an expert
947
00:28:29,976 --> 00:28:32,845
on, because I have been married
948
00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:34,981
approximately five hours.
949
00:28:35,014 --> 00:28:36,415
>> ( laughter )
950
00:28:36,448 --> 00:28:38,084
>> And they said it would never
951
00:28:38,117 --> 00:28:42,054
last. You know, they say, ladies
952
00:28:42,088 --> 00:28:43,422
and gentlemen, that marriage is
953
00:28:43,455 --> 00:28:45,124
like a three-ring circus.
954
00:28:45,157 --> 00:28:46,859
You got the engagement ring,
955
00:28:46,893 --> 00:28:48,394
you got the wedding ring,
956
00:28:48,427 --> 00:28:49,896
and then you got the suffering.
957
00:28:49,929 --> 00:28:51,063
>> ( laughter )
958
00:28:51,097 --> 00:28:53,766
>> There it is, pal. One size
959
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:57,169
fits nobody! Are you married?
960
00:28:57,203 --> 00:28:59,038
It's a wonderful institution.
961
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:00,807
I'm just not ready to be
962
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:03,876
institutionalized. Where is she?
963
00:29:03,910 --> 00:29:05,211
Where is my bride?
964
00:29:05,244 --> 00:29:06,913
I'm going to miss her.
965
00:29:13,853 --> 00:29:15,554
>> Hold the curtain, pal.
966
00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,924
Right next to it. There you go.
967
00:29:17,957 --> 00:29:18,557
>> Bring it on down
968
00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:19,225
the other end.
969
00:29:19,258 --> 00:29:20,192
>> Ready music.
970
00:29:20,226 --> 00:29:21,828
>> All right, 10 seconds
971
00:29:21,861 --> 00:29:23,562
to music and announce everyone.
972
00:29:23,595 --> 00:29:27,333
And five, four, three,
973
00:29:27,366 --> 00:29:28,868
two, one.
974
00:29:28,901 --> 00:29:30,803
>> Ladies and gentlemen, Jackie
975
00:29:30,837 --> 00:29:33,205
Gleason presents "Stage Show!"
976
00:29:33,239 --> 00:29:36,008
>> ( music playing )
977
00:29:36,042 --> 00:29:38,878
>> ( applause )
978
00:30:02,034 --> 00:30:03,535
>> And now your host for this
979
00:30:03,569 --> 00:30:07,539
evening, Jackie Gleason!
980
00:30:07,573 --> 00:30:09,075
>> ( cheering )
981
00:30:09,108 --> 00:30:09,976
>> Thank you very much,
982
00:30:10,009 --> 00:30:13,445
everybody! Wow. Thank you.
983
00:30:13,479 --> 00:30:16,082
Oh, how sweet it is!
984
00:30:16,115 --> 00:30:17,516
How about a hand for the June
985
00:30:17,549 --> 00:30:18,885
Taylor Dancers, everybody?
986
00:30:18,918 --> 00:30:21,587
Aren't they marvelous?
987
00:30:21,620 --> 00:30:22,889
Thank you, everybody. Welcome
988
00:30:22,922 --> 00:30:24,356
to "Stage Show." Tonight we have
989
00:30:24,390 --> 00:30:25,591
an immensely talented group
990
00:30:25,624 --> 00:30:27,193
of performers for you tonight.
991
00:30:27,226 --> 00:30:28,427
And for the first time ever,
992
00:30:28,460 --> 00:30:30,496
right after this program, a full
993
00:30:30,529 --> 00:30:31,630
half-hour of "The Honeymooners."
994
00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:32,865
Would you like to see that,
995
00:30:32,899 --> 00:30:33,933
everyone?
996
00:30:33,966 --> 00:30:35,201
>> ( cheering )
997
00:30:35,234 --> 00:30:37,469
>> I knew you would. On with
998
00:30:37,503 --> 00:30:40,639
the show. And away we go!
999
00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:43,209
>> ( music playing )
1000
00:30:45,945 --> 00:30:47,246
>> Oh, look at this. She's got
1001
00:30:47,279 --> 00:30:50,116
her daddy's eyes. Welcome
1002
00:30:50,149 --> 00:30:51,517
to the world, sweetheart.
1003
00:30:51,550 --> 00:30:53,452
>> Isn't she amazing, Jackie?
1004
00:30:53,485 --> 00:30:55,154
>> She's beautiful,
1005
00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:56,355
just beautiful. Look, look,
1006
00:30:56,388 --> 00:30:57,423
look, look, look, look. Look,
1007
00:30:57,456 --> 00:30:58,490
she's staring right at me,
1008
00:30:58,524 --> 00:30:59,658
like she knows me or something.
1009
00:30:59,691 --> 00:31:00,526
>> ( laughs )
1010
00:31:00,559 --> 00:31:02,228
>> It's unbelievable.
1011
00:31:02,261 --> 00:31:03,662
>> This is all I ever wanted.
1012
00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:05,097
>> You know, Jen, for the first
1013
00:31:05,131 --> 00:31:08,500
time in my life, I know what
1014
00:31:08,534 --> 00:31:10,236
a family feels like.
1015
00:31:10,269 --> 00:31:11,337
>> You've made me so happy,
1016
00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:12,604
Jackie.
1017
00:31:12,638 --> 00:31:14,040
>> And you know what I'm going
1018
00:31:14,073 --> 00:31:15,674
to do? I'm going to get as much
1019
00:31:15,707 --> 00:31:17,509
work as I can in the city so I
1020
00:31:17,543 --> 00:31:18,945
won't have to go on the road.
1021
00:31:18,978 --> 00:31:19,979
How do you leave this?
1022
00:31:20,012 --> 00:31:22,048
Look at her. Look at her.
1023
00:31:22,081 --> 00:31:23,482
>> Well, if you do go on the
1024
00:31:23,515 --> 00:31:26,218
road, we'll just come with you.
1025
00:31:26,252 --> 00:31:29,655
>> Absolutely. After all, I got
1026
00:31:29,688 --> 00:31:31,690
to take care of my girls.
1027
00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:34,493
Look at that smile. Huh? See?
1028
00:31:34,526 --> 00:31:35,694
She knows good humor.
1029
00:31:35,727 --> 00:31:37,229
>> I got to tell you something.
1030
00:31:37,263 --> 00:31:39,131
Two days ago--
1031
00:31:39,165 --> 00:31:40,566
No, wait. That wasn't me.
1032
00:31:40,599 --> 00:31:44,370
>> ( laughter )
1033
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:45,604
>> You're a dandy crowd!
1034
00:31:45,637 --> 00:31:47,306
>> Hey, isn't he great?
1035
00:31:47,339 --> 00:31:48,540
>> Look at this guy. Didn't you
1036
00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:49,575
see the sign out there?
1037
00:31:49,608 --> 00:31:50,609
There's an age limit at this
1038
00:31:50,642 --> 00:31:51,710
nightclub, pal. You gotta be
1039
00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:52,578
under 100.
1040
00:31:52,611 --> 00:31:54,246
>> ( laughter )
1041
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:55,948
>> By the way, the Civil War
1042
00:31:55,982 --> 00:31:57,116
called. They found your diary.
1043
00:31:57,149 --> 00:32:00,686
>> ( laughter )
1044
00:32:00,719 --> 00:32:02,154
>> I'm kidding. The cemetery
1045
00:32:02,188 --> 00:32:03,322
called. Your room's ready.
1046
00:32:03,355 --> 00:32:06,692
>> ( laughter )
1047
00:32:06,725 --> 00:32:08,127
>> How you doing, pal? Make you
1048
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,662
feel at home. Wah!
1049
00:32:10,696 --> 00:32:13,132
Wah!
1050
00:32:13,165 --> 00:32:15,434
>> ( laughter )
1051
00:32:15,467 --> 00:32:16,969
>> More embalming fluid
1052
00:32:17,003 --> 00:32:18,470
on this table. Put it on my tab.
1053
00:32:18,504 --> 00:32:20,672
>> ( laughter )
1054
00:32:20,706 --> 00:32:23,075
>> Oh, you're a good crowd!
1055
00:32:23,109 --> 00:32:24,310
A year ago, you didn't even
1056
00:32:24,343 --> 00:32:25,144
want to handle me.
1057
00:32:25,177 --> 00:32:25,711
>> A year ago,
1058
00:32:25,744 --> 00:32:26,645
you weren't that funny.
1059
00:32:26,678 --> 00:32:27,980
>> I should be charging you 15%.
1060
00:32:28,014 --> 00:32:29,415
>> Excuse me. I wonder if I can
1061
00:32:29,448 --> 00:32:30,449
have a word with you?
1062
00:32:30,482 --> 00:32:31,483
>> Now, listen, pal, it's all
1063
00:32:31,517 --> 00:32:32,518
in the fun. That's part
1064
00:32:32,551 --> 00:32:33,652
of the show. Let me get
1065
00:32:33,685 --> 00:32:34,686
my friend a see-through.
1066
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:35,187
>> To go.
1067
00:32:35,221 --> 00:32:35,887
>> To go is good.
1068
00:32:35,921 --> 00:32:37,556
>> No. No, listen, I should be
1069
00:32:37,589 --> 00:32:38,390
buying you a drink.
1070
00:32:38,424 --> 00:32:39,058
>> Please don't.
1071
00:32:39,091 --> 00:32:39,725
>> All right.
1072
00:32:39,758 --> 00:32:40,426
Now you're talking.
1073
00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:41,460
>> I haven't laughed like that
1074
00:32:41,493 --> 00:32:42,128
in a long time.
1075
00:32:42,161 --> 00:32:43,529
>> You got to get out more.
1076
00:32:43,562 --> 00:32:44,163
>> Thanks for dropping by.
1077
00:32:44,196 --> 00:32:45,197
Jackie, we were talking--
1078
00:32:45,231 --> 00:32:45,998
>> Excuse me. I don't
1079
00:32:46,032 --> 00:32:46,632
mean to be intrusive...
1080
00:32:46,665 --> 00:32:47,499
>> Here we go.
1081
00:32:47,533 --> 00:32:48,334
>> ...but I'm out here
1082
00:32:48,367 --> 00:32:49,001
from the Coast.
1083
00:32:49,035 --> 00:32:49,668
>> That's nice.
1084
00:32:49,701 --> 00:32:53,039
>> The name is Warner.
1085
00:32:53,072 --> 00:32:54,673
>> Hiya, Warner. And, who's
1086
00:32:54,706 --> 00:32:56,142
your nurse? Hello, sweetheart.
1087
00:32:56,175 --> 00:32:57,143
>> Wait, wait, wait. Warner?
1088
00:32:57,176 --> 00:32:57,709
>> Looks like they
1089
00:32:57,743 --> 00:32:58,677
poured you into that.
1090
00:32:58,710 --> 00:32:59,378
>> As in Warner Bros.?
1091
00:32:59,411 --> 00:33:01,447
>> Exactly. Just like it says
1092
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:02,681
on the sign over my studio.
1093
00:33:02,714 --> 00:33:05,317
>> Could you wait a minute?
1094
00:33:05,351 --> 00:33:08,554
It's Warner from Warner Bros.
1095
00:33:08,587 --> 00:33:09,655
>> Uh-huh.
1096
00:33:09,688 --> 00:33:11,457
>> Yeah. Bullets Durgom,
1097
00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:12,358
Jackie's manager.
1098
00:33:12,391 --> 00:33:13,192
Nice to meet you.
1099
00:33:13,225 --> 00:33:13,692
>> Oh, "Bullets."
1100
00:33:13,725 --> 00:33:14,526
Interesting name.
1101
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:15,694
>> So, could you get him
1102
00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:16,728
a drink, for crying out loud?
1103
00:33:16,762 --> 00:33:17,763
>> Come on, while we're young.
1104
00:33:17,796 --> 00:33:19,731
>> And which brother are you?
1105
00:33:19,765 --> 00:33:22,034
>> Jack Warner. I'm the brother
1106
00:33:22,068 --> 00:33:23,269
that's going to put your boy
1107
00:33:23,302 --> 00:33:24,470
here in pictures.
1108
00:33:24,503 --> 00:33:25,671
>> The better-looking brother.
1109
00:33:25,704 --> 00:33:27,406
>> No, the smarter one.
1110
00:33:27,439 --> 00:33:28,707
>> There you go.
1111
00:33:28,740 --> 00:33:31,610
Oh, how sweet it is! ( laughs )
1112
00:33:31,643 --> 00:33:32,644
>> Have a seat there, darling.
1113
00:33:32,678 --> 00:33:33,479
>> There you go.
1114
00:33:33,512 --> 00:33:34,180
Here's a drink.
1115
00:33:34,213 --> 00:33:35,181
>> Well, thank you very much.
1116
00:33:35,214 --> 00:33:35,681
I appreciate that.
1117
00:33:35,714 --> 00:33:36,515
>> It's all right.
1118
00:33:36,548 --> 00:33:37,383
>> To pictures.
1119
00:33:37,416 --> 00:33:39,185
>> To pictures it is.
1120
00:33:39,218 --> 00:33:40,619
>> So guess who was in the front
1121
00:33:40,652 --> 00:33:41,653
row of the club last night,
1122
00:33:41,687 --> 00:33:42,721
who I kept grilling. Guess.
1123
00:33:42,754 --> 00:33:43,755
>> Oh, I don't know.
1124
00:33:43,789 --> 00:33:44,423
I don't know.
1125
00:33:44,456 --> 00:33:46,558
>> Jack Warner.
1126
00:33:46,592 --> 00:33:47,259
>> Uh...
1127
00:33:47,293 --> 00:33:48,360
>> One of the Warner brothers.
1128
00:33:48,394 --> 00:33:49,061
>> ( gasps )
1129
00:33:49,095 --> 00:33:50,629
>> That's right. That's right.
1130
00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:51,663
He loved the act. After the
1131
00:33:51,697 --> 00:33:53,099
show, he goes up to Bullets
1132
00:33:53,132 --> 00:33:54,533
and says he wants to put me
1133
00:33:54,566 --> 00:33:55,767
in one of his movies that's
1134
00:33:55,801 --> 00:33:56,702
in production right now.
1135
00:33:56,735 --> 00:33:57,403
>> ( squeals )
1136
00:33:57,436 --> 00:33:58,104
>> Huh? Easy, you're going to
1137
00:33:58,137 --> 00:33:59,738
scare the kid. You're going to--
1138
00:33:59,771 --> 00:34:01,107
don't scare-- did Mommy scare--
1139
00:34:01,140 --> 00:34:02,474
>> Sorry. I'm sorry.
1140
00:34:02,508 --> 00:34:03,642
>> Yes, sweetheart.
1141
00:34:03,675 --> 00:34:04,643
>> Oh, sweetie.
1142
00:34:04,676 --> 00:34:05,777
>> Yeah. Is that unbelievable?
1143
00:34:05,811 --> 00:34:07,713
>> It's amazing. Oh, when do
1144
00:34:07,746 --> 00:34:08,780
we leave?
1145
00:34:08,814 --> 00:34:09,481
>> This kid is amazing.
1146
00:34:09,515 --> 00:34:11,083
She never sleeps. You're just
1147
00:34:11,117 --> 00:34:11,750
like your daddy.
1148
00:34:11,783 --> 00:34:12,318
>> Oh.
1149
00:34:12,351 --> 00:34:13,652
>> You got to go to bed.
1150
00:34:13,685 --> 00:34:14,720
The sun's coming up.
1151
00:34:14,753 --> 00:34:15,387
>> Oh.
1152
00:34:15,421 --> 00:34:15,887
>> Here.
1153
00:34:15,921 --> 00:34:17,123
>> I'll take her.
1154
00:34:17,156 --> 00:34:18,690
>> All right. Okay. I got to get
1155
00:34:18,724 --> 00:34:19,725
all my things in order.
1156
00:34:19,758 --> 00:34:20,826
Jen, this is the biggest thing
1157
00:34:20,859 --> 00:34:22,261
that's ever happened to me. It's
1158
00:34:22,294 --> 00:34:23,329
turning. You feel it turning?
1159
00:34:23,362 --> 00:34:23,829
>> Oh, I do.
1160
00:34:23,862 --> 00:34:24,530
>> It is turning.
1161
00:34:24,563 --> 00:34:27,666
>> It's so great. So how long
1162
00:34:27,699 --> 00:34:28,700
do you think we'll be
1163
00:34:28,734 --> 00:34:29,401
in Los Angeles?
1164
00:34:29,435 --> 00:34:30,102
>> Well, see, that's just the
1165
00:34:30,136 --> 00:34:31,437
thing. You know, it's probably
1166
00:34:31,470 --> 00:34:32,671
just, you know, like a year
1167
00:34:32,704 --> 00:34:34,340
contract, so to uproot everybody
1168
00:34:34,373 --> 00:34:35,674
and go clear across the country
1169
00:34:35,707 --> 00:34:36,642
probably doesn't make sense
1170
00:34:36,675 --> 00:34:38,744
right now.
1171
00:34:38,777 --> 00:34:40,746
>> You aren't going to take us
1172
00:34:40,779 --> 00:34:41,447
with you?
1173
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:42,614
>> Jen, we got to start thinking
1174
00:34:42,648 --> 00:34:44,383
about the kid. I mean, you think
1175
00:34:44,416 --> 00:34:45,651
she's fussy now? Can you imagine
1176
00:34:45,684 --> 00:34:47,286
we all get on a train and go
1177
00:34:47,319 --> 00:34:48,620
clear across to California?
1178
00:34:48,654 --> 00:34:50,122
She'll never sleep. And with
1179
00:34:50,156 --> 00:34:51,157
the time change and everything,
1180
00:34:51,190 --> 00:34:51,823
forget about it.
1181
00:34:51,857 --> 00:34:53,792
>> But I thought you said we
1182
00:34:53,825 --> 00:34:56,762
were going to be a family?
1183
00:34:56,795 --> 00:34:57,663
>> I'm thinking about
1184
00:34:57,696 --> 00:35:00,766
the family.
1185
00:35:00,799 --> 00:35:01,800
>> I just don't understand why
1186
00:35:01,833 --> 00:35:02,834
you would want to leave
1187
00:35:02,868 --> 00:35:04,670
without us.
1188
00:35:04,703 --> 00:35:06,738
>> Jen, it's a picture with
1189
00:35:06,772 --> 00:35:09,441
the Warner brothers. Can't you
1190
00:35:09,475 --> 00:35:12,678
be happy for me? Hmm? Come on,
1191
00:35:12,711 --> 00:35:13,779
two, three pictures a year, I'll
1192
00:35:13,812 --> 00:35:15,414
never have to go on the road
1193
00:35:15,447 --> 00:35:18,317
anymore. You understand?
1194
00:35:18,350 --> 00:35:21,720
>> Yeah. Yeah.
1195
00:35:21,753 --> 00:35:23,622
I understand.
1196
00:35:23,655 --> 00:35:26,292
>> All right, there's my girl.
1197
00:35:26,325 --> 00:35:27,526
All right. Is the blue blazer
1198
00:35:27,559 --> 00:35:28,194
clean?
1199
00:35:28,227 --> 00:35:29,828
>> Mm-hmm.
1200
00:35:29,861 --> 00:35:31,330
>> Where are the beige slacks?
1201
00:35:31,363 --> 00:35:33,432
You said-- okay, here they are.
1202
00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:34,833
Here they are. Did you ever
1203
00:35:34,866 --> 00:35:36,268
think that you would be married
1204
00:35:36,302 --> 00:35:39,705
to a movie star? Huh?
1205
00:35:39,738 --> 00:35:42,374
>> ( laughs )
1206
00:35:42,408 --> 00:35:43,809
>> "Navy Blues," scene seven.
1207
00:35:43,842 --> 00:35:45,877
Apple. Take 16.
1208
00:35:45,911 --> 00:35:48,480
>> And action!
1209
00:35:48,514 --> 00:35:49,815
>> Well, that was a crazy couple
1210
00:35:49,848 --> 00:35:51,717
of days. I've never been seasick
1211
00:35:51,750 --> 00:35:53,719
before. ( laughs ) All right,
1212
00:35:53,752 --> 00:35:55,687
guys, load 'em in there. Go tell
1213
00:35:55,721 --> 00:35:57,389
the fellas that we're ready
1214
00:35:57,423 --> 00:35:57,956
to go!
1215
00:35:57,989 --> 00:35:58,657
>> Cut!
1216
00:35:58,690 --> 00:35:59,625
>> Cut it!
1217
00:35:59,658 --> 00:36:00,659
>> All right. That felt good.
1218
00:36:00,692 --> 00:36:01,493
Did we get it?
1219
00:36:01,527 --> 00:36:02,794
>> No, we didn't get it.
1220
00:36:02,828 --> 00:36:04,630
>> Oh, well, why'd you cut?
1221
00:36:04,663 --> 00:36:05,764
>> Can you not do that stupid
1222
00:36:05,797 --> 00:36:07,933
little dance? Because your line
1223
00:36:07,966 --> 00:36:08,767
cues him.
1224
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:09,635
>> How you doing?
1225
00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:10,669
>> And then you walk out
1226
00:36:10,702 --> 00:36:11,703
of the shot. Let's stick
1227
00:36:11,737 --> 00:36:12,804
to the script.
1228
00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:13,505
>> Okay. I was just trying
1229
00:36:13,539 --> 00:36:14,873
to make it funnier, that's all.
1230
00:36:14,906 --> 00:36:16,408
>> Well, it was funny before we
1231
00:36:16,442 --> 00:36:17,909
hired you. Hmm?
1232
00:36:17,943 --> 00:36:18,977
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa. Chappy,
1233
00:36:19,010 --> 00:36:20,746
what the hell does that mean?
1234
00:36:20,779 --> 00:36:22,214
>> I thought we went through all
1235
00:36:22,248 --> 00:36:23,749
of this yesterday. All right,
1236
00:36:23,782 --> 00:36:24,816
everyone, let's go again.
1237
00:36:24,850 --> 00:36:26,752
>> Excuse me. Look, you know,
1238
00:36:26,785 --> 00:36:27,819
you're doing a big-time picture
1239
00:36:27,853 --> 00:36:28,954
here. If I see the opportunity
1240
00:36:28,987 --> 00:36:30,456
to make it a little funnier,
1241
00:36:30,489 --> 00:36:31,490
what's the problem with that?
1242
00:36:31,523 --> 00:36:32,991
>> You want to play the role
1243
00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:34,893
of Tubby or you don't.
1244
00:36:34,926 --> 00:36:35,561
>> Okay, see, now that's
1245
00:36:35,594 --> 00:36:36,995
the other thing. I feel that
1246
00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:38,430
the name of the character is
1247
00:36:38,464 --> 00:36:38,897
just a little--
1248
00:36:38,930 --> 00:36:41,733
>> Accurate?
1249
00:36:41,767 --> 00:36:42,934
>> See, now that's the kind
1250
00:36:42,968 --> 00:36:43,969
of humor you can use
1251
00:36:44,002 --> 00:36:45,003
in your directing.
1252
00:36:45,036 --> 00:36:45,704
>> That's lunch, everyone.
1253
00:36:45,737 --> 00:36:47,639
One hour. We'll be back at 2:00.
1254
00:36:47,673 --> 00:36:48,674
>> You want to see funny?
1255
00:36:48,707 --> 00:36:49,541
>> Gleason.
1256
00:36:49,575 --> 00:36:50,709
>> You want to see funny?
1257
00:36:50,742 --> 00:36:52,678
>> Back at 2:00! Back at 2:00!
1258
00:36:52,711 --> 00:36:53,812
>> Yeah, everybody take an hour.
1259
00:36:53,845 --> 00:36:55,381
>> Yeah, you take a long lunch,
1260
00:36:55,414 --> 00:36:56,782
Gleason. Come to think of it,
1261
00:36:56,815 --> 00:36:58,016
take the day off. We'll see you
1262
00:36:58,049 --> 00:36:58,984
tomorrow. Take a bath.
1263
00:36:59,017 --> 00:36:59,851
Cool off.
1264
00:36:59,885 --> 00:37:01,520
>> You're not funny.
1265
00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:02,921
>> You get me Jack Warner
1266
00:37:02,954 --> 00:37:04,323
on the horn.
1267
00:37:59,711 --> 00:38:00,979
>> You just couldn't stop,
1268
00:38:01,012 --> 00:38:02,414
could you?
1269
00:38:06,852 --> 00:38:09,321
>> ( telephone rings )
1270
00:38:12,824 --> 00:38:15,694
( telephone rings )
1271
00:38:18,564 --> 00:38:20,366
( telephone rings )
1272
00:38:20,399 --> 00:38:21,567
>> Yeah?
1273
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,735
>> Hi. Finally. I haven't heard
1274
00:38:23,769 --> 00:38:24,803
from you in five days.
1275
00:38:24,836 --> 00:38:26,772
How's it going?
1276
00:38:26,805 --> 00:38:27,906
>> I got canned, Jen. Okay?
1277
00:38:27,939 --> 00:38:29,441
>> ( crying )
1278
00:38:29,475 --> 00:38:30,476
>> What?
1279
00:38:30,509 --> 00:38:33,011
>> I got fired. The damn
1280
00:38:33,044 --> 00:38:34,980
director, he wouldn't let me
1281
00:38:35,013 --> 00:38:36,848
make it funny. The writing was
1282
00:38:36,882 --> 00:38:39,651
horrible, okay? And--
1283
00:38:39,685 --> 00:38:40,752
>> ( crying )
1284
00:38:40,786 --> 00:38:41,987
>> Could you try to get the kid
1285
00:38:42,020 --> 00:38:43,622
to be quiet so I can have
1286
00:38:43,655 --> 00:38:44,656
a minute with you here?
1287
00:38:44,690 --> 00:38:45,991
>> You need to come home,
1288
00:38:46,024 --> 00:38:46,758
Jackie.
1289
00:38:46,792 --> 00:38:47,793
>> ( wailing )
1290
00:38:47,826 --> 00:38:49,428
>> We need you here with us.
1291
00:38:49,461 --> 00:38:50,696
>> Can you believe they did this
1292
00:38:50,729 --> 00:38:52,731
to me? They're telling me what's
1293
00:38:52,764 --> 00:38:55,867
funny. Can you believe that?
1294
00:38:55,901 --> 00:38:57,669
I just wanted to make it better.
1295
00:38:57,703 --> 00:38:58,770
You know me.
1296
00:38:58,804 --> 00:39:02,808
>> Hey, Jackie, I'm pregnant.
1297
00:39:07,145 --> 00:39:11,116
Jackie, are you there?
1298
00:39:11,149 --> 00:39:13,018
Are you happy?
1299
00:39:13,051 --> 00:39:14,586
>> Yeah, why not?
1300
00:39:14,620 --> 00:39:15,654
Of course, baby.
1301
00:39:15,687 --> 00:39:17,456
>> We miss you, Jackie.
1302
00:39:56,762 --> 00:39:57,763
>> We haven't seen nor heard
1303
00:39:57,796 --> 00:39:58,797
from him for the past
1304
00:39:58,830 --> 00:40:00,732
three days. ( screams )
1305
00:40:00,766 --> 00:40:02,934
>> Excuse me.
1306
00:40:02,968 --> 00:40:05,170
>> Shall I call an ambulance?
1307
00:40:05,203 --> 00:40:06,905
>> This guy's dead. He needs
1308
00:40:06,938 --> 00:40:08,474
a priest.
1309
00:40:08,507 --> 00:40:09,575
>> I got here as quickly
1310
00:40:09,608 --> 00:40:10,942
as I could.
1311
00:40:10,976 --> 00:40:12,778
>> What a waste, huh, Father?
1312
00:40:12,811 --> 00:40:15,981
>> Not really. Actually,
1313
00:40:16,014 --> 00:40:18,717
he wasn't that funny, at least
1314
00:40:18,750 --> 00:40:20,018
not in my movies.
1315
00:40:32,564 --> 00:40:36,535
>> ( vomits )
1316
00:40:36,568 --> 00:40:39,771
>> ( flushing )
1317
00:40:39,805 --> 00:40:41,807
>> ( coughs )
1318
00:41:01,126 --> 00:41:02,661
No, no, no. Why would you
1319
00:41:02,694 --> 00:41:03,829
do that?
1320
00:41:03,862 --> 00:41:04,863
>> How much longer are you going
1321
00:41:04,896 --> 00:41:05,897
to make us live like
1322
00:41:05,931 --> 00:41:06,765
this, Jackie?
1323
00:41:06,798 --> 00:41:07,866
>> I don't want to hear it
1324
00:41:07,899 --> 00:41:08,534
right now, Jen.
1325
00:41:08,567 --> 00:41:09,768
>> You've been like this for
1326
00:41:09,801 --> 00:41:12,504
two months. Look what I got.
1327
00:41:12,538 --> 00:41:13,672
You know what this is?
1328
00:41:13,705 --> 00:41:14,906
It's the final notice for our
1329
00:41:14,940 --> 00:41:16,107
electricity. They're turning it
1330
00:41:16,141 --> 00:41:20,078
off. We have a baby, Jackie.
1331
00:41:20,111 --> 00:41:22,080
We have no savings. When are
1332
00:41:22,113 --> 00:41:24,550
you going to come out of hiding?
1333
00:41:24,583 --> 00:41:26,685
What do you expect us to do?
1334
00:41:26,718 --> 00:41:28,086
>> Why don't you take the kid
1335
00:41:28,119 --> 00:41:30,055
and go move in with your folks
1336
00:41:30,088 --> 00:41:32,758
till I can figure it out?
1337
00:41:32,791 --> 00:41:34,259
>> How about instead of us
1338
00:41:34,292 --> 00:41:37,563
leaving, you come back?
1339
00:41:37,596 --> 00:41:39,898
>> ( knock on door )
1340
00:41:39,931 --> 00:41:41,733
>> Don't get it, Jen. I need two
1341
00:41:41,767 --> 00:41:43,969
more days. I need two more days!
1342
00:41:44,002 --> 00:41:46,171
( slams table )
1343
00:41:46,204 --> 00:41:47,205
>> You realize your phone
1344
00:41:47,238 --> 00:41:48,239
doesn't work. I haven't heard
1345
00:41:48,273 --> 00:41:49,908
from him in three weeks. How are
1346
00:41:49,941 --> 00:41:51,777
you? You all right? Huh? Okay.
1347
00:41:51,810 --> 00:41:54,813
Where is he? Is he--
1348
00:41:54,846 --> 00:41:56,081
( laughs ) I knew it.
1349
00:41:59,718 --> 00:42:02,754
Okay.
1350
00:42:02,788 --> 00:42:03,421
>> What do you want?
1351
00:42:03,454 --> 00:42:04,723
>> Ready to go back to work?
1352
00:42:04,756 --> 00:42:06,157
>> How many times I got to tell
1353
00:42:06,191 --> 00:42:07,659
you, I don't want to do
1354
00:42:07,693 --> 00:42:08,226
the clubs anymore.
1355
00:42:08,259 --> 00:42:08,927
>> Did I say, "clubs"?
1356
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:10,195
Did the word "clubs" come out
1357
00:42:10,228 --> 00:42:11,730
of my mouth? I didn't say
1358
00:42:11,763 --> 00:42:12,430
"clubs." I'm talking about
1359
00:42:12,463 --> 00:42:13,799
Broadway. I got you something on
1360
00:42:13,832 --> 00:42:16,301
Broadway, kid. Huh? Huh? It's a
1361
00:42:16,334 --> 00:42:17,736
big street in the middle of
1362
00:42:17,769 --> 00:42:18,970
town, Jackie. It's got a lot of
1363
00:42:19,004 --> 00:42:20,338
lights, theaters. The Broadhurst
1364
00:42:20,371 --> 00:42:21,039
Theatre, they're rehearsing
1365
00:42:21,072 --> 00:42:22,774
something right now. I talked
1366
00:42:22,808 --> 00:42:24,209
to the director. He loves you.
1367
00:42:24,242 --> 00:42:26,011
Jackie, he loves you. He's a big
1368
00:42:26,044 --> 00:42:26,845
fan. Come on.
1369
00:42:26,878 --> 00:42:27,512
>> I can't do Broadway
1370
00:42:27,545 --> 00:42:28,914
right now. I'm going to have
1371
00:42:28,947 --> 00:42:29,581
to wait on that.
1372
00:42:31,750 --> 00:42:32,751
>> I'm going to tell him you're
1373
00:42:32,784 --> 00:42:33,785
starting 9:00 tomorrow morning.
1374
00:42:33,819 --> 00:42:34,820
>> You're not gonna tell me
1375
00:42:34,853 --> 00:42:35,453
when I'm gonna start.
1376
00:42:35,486 --> 00:42:36,688
I'm not doing it tomorrow.
1377
00:42:36,722 --> 00:42:37,723
>> I'm doing you a favor.
1378
00:42:37,756 --> 00:42:38,757
I'm not listening to you,
1379
00:42:38,790 --> 00:42:39,591
all right? 9:00 tomorrow
1380
00:42:39,625 --> 00:42:40,759
morning or never.
1381
00:42:41,993 --> 00:42:42,928
Look...
1382
00:42:45,931 --> 00:42:47,032
...take a little break from
1383
00:42:47,065 --> 00:42:50,201
the booze, will you? Huh? Okay.
1384
00:42:50,235 --> 00:42:51,970
Here. Take it.
1385
00:42:53,839 --> 00:42:55,974
Jen. And what I'd like you
1386
00:42:56,007 --> 00:42:57,809
to do, honey, could you do me a
1387
00:42:57,843 --> 00:42:58,844
favor? Could you turn the phone
1388
00:42:58,877 --> 00:43:00,612
back on? Because I am not going
1389
00:43:00,646 --> 00:43:01,847
to come here every time I want
1390
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:04,616
to talk to you. Take it. I got
1391
00:43:04,650 --> 00:43:07,853
other clients, all right? 9:00.
1392
00:43:10,288 --> 00:43:11,823
>> You believe him?
1393
00:43:26,237 --> 00:43:28,373
>> It's a whimsical collage
1394
00:43:28,406 --> 00:43:30,742
of music and comedy sketches.
1395
00:43:30,776 --> 00:43:31,442
>> Uh-huh.
1396
00:43:31,476 --> 00:43:33,779
>> And I want you to bring your
1397
00:43:33,812 --> 00:43:35,313
wonderful sense of wit and
1398
00:43:35,346 --> 00:43:37,816
whimsy to the production. I want
1399
00:43:37,849 --> 00:43:41,820
you to bring Jackie Gleason
1400
00:43:41,853 --> 00:43:43,388
to the role.
1401
00:43:43,421 --> 00:43:45,123
>> You have a script?
1402
00:43:45,156 --> 00:43:47,058
>> Jackie-- may I call you
1403
00:43:47,092 --> 00:43:48,827
Jackie? The character doesn't
1404
00:43:48,860 --> 00:43:51,963
actually exist as yet. I want
1405
00:43:51,997 --> 00:43:55,967
you to create it. Hmm?
1406
00:43:56,001 --> 00:43:57,736
>> I like that.
1407
00:43:57,769 --> 00:43:58,704
>> I thought you might. Yes.
1408
00:43:58,737 --> 00:44:00,271
What we'll do is we'll improvise
1409
00:44:00,305 --> 00:44:01,740
during rehearsals, and then
1410
00:44:01,773 --> 00:44:02,874
we'll just keep the bits that
1411
00:44:02,908 --> 00:44:04,275
truly tickle our collective
1412
00:44:04,309 --> 00:44:06,377
funny bone.
1413
00:44:06,411 --> 00:44:09,180
>> Okay.
1414
00:44:09,214 --> 00:44:12,050
>> I smell smash, Jackie.
1415
00:44:12,083 --> 00:44:13,051
( laughs )
1416
00:44:13,084 --> 00:44:13,785
>> Sit down.
1417
00:44:13,819 --> 00:44:14,686
>> All right.
1418
00:44:14,720 --> 00:44:15,721
>> Before you fly away.
1419
00:44:15,754 --> 00:44:16,387
>> ( laughs )
1420
00:44:16,421 --> 00:44:17,255
>> ( laughs )
1421
00:44:21,159 --> 00:44:23,862
>> ( moaning )
1422
00:44:27,833 --> 00:44:30,936
>> ( pop )
1423
00:44:30,969 --> 00:44:32,003
>> Oh!
1424
00:44:41,146 --> 00:44:43,782
>> ( laughter )
1425
00:44:43,815 --> 00:44:45,483
>> Good afternoon, gentlemen.
1426
00:44:45,516 --> 00:44:46,952
Always remember, nonmembers
1427
00:44:46,985 --> 00:44:49,888
play on Tuesday.
1428
00:44:49,921 --> 00:44:51,389
>> ( drum boings )
1429
00:44:51,422 --> 00:44:55,393
>> Mmm. Smooth! Let's go, pick
1430
00:44:55,426 --> 00:44:57,929
another bunker. Better yet, get
1431
00:44:57,963 --> 00:44:59,731
yourself a couple snow cones.
1432
00:44:59,765 --> 00:45:01,099
Mush, gentlemen. Mush.
1433
00:45:01,132 --> 00:45:03,034
You're in my light. Mush!
1434
00:45:03,068 --> 00:45:04,169
>> Oh.
1435
00:45:04,202 --> 00:45:05,403
>> Seven iron, my dear.
1436
00:45:05,436 --> 00:45:06,905
Oh, you're a good one. You have
1437
00:45:06,938 --> 00:45:08,774
the eye of an eagle and the tail
1438
00:45:08,807 --> 00:45:10,275
of a puppy. Mmm. You're going
1439
00:45:10,308 --> 00:45:11,910
to make it hard to keep my head
1440
00:45:11,943 --> 00:45:15,046
down. Wah! All right, darling,
1441
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:18,216
remember to yell, "Fore."
1442
00:45:18,249 --> 00:45:21,987
Make that two. Mmm.
1443
00:45:22,020 --> 00:45:23,088
>> Two!
1444
00:45:23,121 --> 00:45:25,523
>> Whoa! It's a beauty!
1445
00:45:25,556 --> 00:45:28,860
Oh, is it a beauty! Oh, my!
1446
00:45:28,894 --> 00:45:29,795
>> Yes, he's back.
1447
00:45:29,828 --> 00:45:30,461
>> Marvelous. Absolutely.
1448
00:45:30,495 --> 00:45:31,496
>> If you leave him alone,
1449
00:45:31,529 --> 00:45:32,197
he's great.
1450
00:45:32,230 --> 00:45:33,398
>> Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I know
1451
00:45:33,431 --> 00:45:34,232
that. I know that.
1452
00:45:34,265 --> 00:45:34,933
>> Mmm, I could see
1453
00:45:34,966 --> 00:45:36,501
the clubhouse. I believe they're
1454
00:45:36,534 --> 00:45:39,805
open for lunch. Mush, darling.
1455
00:45:39,838 --> 00:45:43,108
Mush. Mmm. Did I tell you
1456
00:45:43,141 --> 00:45:45,176
the wife had a nasty fall?
1457
00:45:45,210 --> 00:45:46,177
>> ( laughter )
1458
00:45:46,211 --> 00:45:47,145
>> I can't believe these
1459
00:45:47,178 --> 00:45:48,346
reviews. Crawford usually
1460
00:45:48,379 --> 00:45:51,049
hates everybody. ( laughs )
1461
00:45:51,082 --> 00:45:52,818
Listen to this. "Rising new
1462
00:45:52,851 --> 00:45:54,519
comic, Jackie Gleason."
1463
00:45:54,552 --> 00:45:55,787
>> ( crying )
1464
00:45:55,821 --> 00:45:56,487
>> Okay, come on.
1465
00:45:56,521 --> 00:45:57,823
>> He spelled "Gleason" wrong.
1466
00:45:57,856 --> 00:46:00,125
>> That's great, honey. Hi.
1467
00:46:00,158 --> 00:46:01,159
All right, let's go take
1468
00:46:01,192 --> 00:46:02,894
our baths.
1469
00:46:02,928 --> 00:46:04,295
>> What do you mean baths?
1470
00:46:04,329 --> 00:46:05,330
Daddy's going to sit here
1471
00:46:05,363 --> 00:46:05,997
and eat alone?
1472
00:46:06,031 --> 00:46:07,098
>> Well, Daddy was two hours
1473
00:46:07,132 --> 00:46:08,133
late for dinner, wasn't he?
1474
00:46:08,166 --> 00:46:09,000
>> That's because Daddy
1475
00:46:09,034 --> 00:46:09,968
had rehearsal.
1476
00:46:10,001 --> 00:46:11,369
>> Hey, maybe Daddy will give
1477
00:46:11,402 --> 00:46:12,037
you a bath tonight.
1478
00:46:12,070 --> 00:46:13,438
>> "Jackie Gleason, the new
1479
00:46:13,471 --> 00:46:15,874
leading man in a long--"
1480
00:46:15,907 --> 00:46:17,575
( laughs ) Leading man?
1481
00:46:17,608 --> 00:46:19,444
When did I become a leading man?
1482
00:46:19,477 --> 00:46:20,578
Maybe I should try being
1483
00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:22,480
a leading man. Jen, you think
1484
00:46:22,513 --> 00:46:23,514
I should be a leading man?
1485
00:46:23,548 --> 00:46:25,250
>> I really wouldn't know.
1486
00:46:25,283 --> 00:46:26,117
>> That's right. You wouldn't
1487
00:46:26,151 --> 00:46:27,118
know, would you?
1488
00:46:27,152 --> 00:46:27,785
>> I don't wanna!
1489
00:46:27,819 --> 00:46:29,154
>> Maybe you could try being
1490
00:46:29,187 --> 00:46:30,455
a father and a husband.
1491
00:46:30,488 --> 00:46:32,858
>> What the hell does that mean?
1492
00:46:32,891 --> 00:46:34,826
Hmm? I'm not a husband and
1493
00:46:34,860 --> 00:46:36,061
a father? What do you think all
1494
00:46:36,094 --> 00:46:39,197
this is, hmm? Magic? Oh,
1495
00:46:39,230 --> 00:46:40,398
that's really great. Why don't
1496
00:46:40,431 --> 00:46:41,967
you try being a wife?
1497
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:42,934
>> A wife? You don't
1498
00:46:42,968 --> 00:46:43,601
want a wife.
1499
00:46:43,634 --> 00:46:44,302
>> Here we go.
1500
00:46:44,335 --> 00:46:45,937
>> You want a maid and a mother.
1501
00:46:45,971 --> 00:46:47,405
Well, I am tired of being your
1502
00:46:47,438 --> 00:46:49,274
maid, and I am certainly not
1503
00:46:49,307 --> 00:46:51,442
going to be your mother.
1504
00:46:51,476 --> 00:46:53,378
>> I'd give you that.
1505
00:46:53,411 --> 00:46:54,980
>> ( crying )
1506
00:46:55,013 --> 00:46:56,514
>> Do you want to hear about
1507
00:46:56,547 --> 00:46:58,316
Daddy's review along Fifth
1508
00:46:58,349 --> 00:47:00,485
Avenue? How he's making 'em
1509
00:47:00,518 --> 00:47:02,487
laugh at-- what does the "Great
1510
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:04,155
White Way" mean?
1511
00:48:04,682 --> 00:48:05,650
>> Just let her settle down,
1512
00:48:05,683 --> 00:48:07,953
Jackie. It'll get better.
1513
00:48:07,986 --> 00:48:09,254
>> That's easy for you to say.
1514
00:48:09,287 --> 00:48:10,188
You're happily married.
1515
00:48:10,221 --> 00:48:12,657
You're a Martian.
1516
00:48:12,690 --> 00:48:13,959
Merry Christmas, pal.
1517
00:48:13,992 --> 00:48:14,592
>> Jackie.
1518
00:48:14,625 --> 00:48:17,929
>> ( radio playing music )
1519
00:48:19,564 --> 00:48:21,466
>> ( laughs ) Jackie, this is
1520
00:48:21,499 --> 00:48:22,167
some watch.
1521
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:23,534
>> It's not some watch. It's a
1522
00:48:23,568 --> 00:48:25,303
Wittnauer. It's automatic.
1523
00:48:25,336 --> 00:48:26,571
You don't have to wind it.
1524
00:48:26,604 --> 00:48:27,605
>> You're kidding. I got
1525
00:48:27,638 --> 00:48:28,639
a present for you out back.
1526
00:48:28,673 --> 00:48:29,674
>> Finally. What's the point
1527
00:48:29,707 --> 00:48:31,109
of having a phone if you're not
1528
00:48:31,142 --> 00:48:31,943
there to answer it?
1529
00:48:31,977 --> 00:48:32,643
>> Look what I got.
1530
00:48:32,677 --> 00:48:34,212
>> Ah, you got one too? I got
1531
00:48:34,245 --> 00:48:35,446
three of them. He's a regular
1532
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:36,447
Santa Claus. Hey, big shot,
1533
00:48:36,481 --> 00:48:37,482
remember when you told me
1534
00:48:37,515 --> 00:48:38,149
Broadway would never amount
1535
00:48:38,183 --> 00:48:38,849
to anything? Remember that?
1536
00:48:38,883 --> 00:48:40,585
>> Did I say that? I must have
1537
00:48:40,618 --> 00:48:41,252
been sober.
1538
00:48:41,286 --> 00:48:42,387
>> What does this word mean
1539
00:48:42,420 --> 00:48:45,423
to you? "Television."
1540
00:48:45,456 --> 00:48:47,558
>> Berle. Skelton. Benny.
1541
00:48:47,592 --> 00:48:50,461
>> Jackie, we have got an offer.
1542
00:48:50,495 --> 00:48:52,030
Look at me. An offer to do
1543
00:48:52,063 --> 00:48:52,697
television. You're going
1544
00:48:52,730 --> 00:48:53,531
to host a variety show
1545
00:48:53,564 --> 00:48:55,566
on the DuMont Network.
1546
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:56,401
Huh? "Cavalcade of Stars."
1547
00:48:56,434 --> 00:48:57,102
>> Gentlemen.
1548
00:48:57,135 --> 00:48:58,303
>> What kind of title is that?
1549
00:48:58,336 --> 00:48:59,670
>> Did you hear what I had
1550
00:48:59,704 --> 00:49:01,372
to say to you? This is an offer
1551
00:49:01,406 --> 00:49:01,939
to do television.
1552
00:49:01,973 --> 00:49:02,740
>> I don't know about
1553
00:49:02,773 --> 00:49:03,608
the DuMont Network.
1554
00:49:03,641 --> 00:49:04,675
>> Jackie, this is your
1555
00:49:04,709 --> 00:49:05,410
Christmas present.
1556
00:49:05,443 --> 00:49:06,144
>> What is it?
1557
00:49:06,177 --> 00:49:06,844
>> And by the way,
1558
00:49:06,877 --> 00:49:09,580
she's automatic. You don't have
1559
00:49:09,614 --> 00:49:11,482
to wind her up. Merry Christmas.
1560
00:49:11,516 --> 00:49:12,650
>> Ho ho ho.
1561
00:49:12,683 --> 00:49:15,053
>> Mmm. Well, yes, yes, yes.
1562
00:49:15,086 --> 00:49:16,521
Now, how am I supposed to get
1563
00:49:16,554 --> 00:49:17,555
you down my chimney?
1564
00:49:17,588 --> 00:49:18,589
>> Are we going to have
1565
00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:19,624
this conversation or not?
1566
00:49:19,657 --> 00:49:20,558
>> Have you met my elf?
1567
00:49:20,591 --> 00:49:21,459
>> No.
1568
00:49:21,492 --> 00:49:22,560
>> After you.
1569
00:49:22,593 --> 00:49:23,128
>> We--
1570
00:49:23,161 --> 00:49:24,229
>> Back to the workshop.
1571
00:49:24,262 --> 00:49:26,697
Make toys. Toys, my boy.
1572
00:49:26,731 --> 00:49:27,698
>> Jackie, we're talking about
1573
00:49:27,732 --> 00:49:29,167
this. Hey. Hey! Listen to me!
1574
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:30,201
>> Listen how his shoes jingle.
1575
00:49:30,235 --> 00:49:32,070
It's a fun place, but you don't
1576
00:49:32,103 --> 00:49:33,304
want to eat here. Let's go.
1577
00:49:33,338 --> 00:49:34,339
>> No. We're going to have
1578
00:49:34,372 --> 00:49:34,905
this conversation now.
1579
00:49:34,939 --> 00:49:35,640
>> We'll do it tomorrow.
1580
00:49:35,673 --> 00:49:36,507
Take it easy.
1581
00:49:36,541 --> 00:49:37,342
>> We're doing it now.
1582
00:49:37,375 --> 00:49:37,842
It's too important.
1583
00:49:37,875 --> 00:49:38,509
>> No, we're fine.
1584
00:49:38,543 --> 00:49:39,710
>> Would you wait a minute?
1585
00:49:39,744 --> 00:49:40,411
>> You're crushing the hat!
1586
00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:41,579
>> I'm falling down on the ice.
1587
00:49:41,612 --> 00:49:42,613
Can you stand over here
1588
00:49:42,647 --> 00:49:43,481
for a minute?
1589
00:49:43,514 --> 00:49:44,115
>> What are you doing?
1590
00:49:44,149 --> 00:49:45,550
>> I need to talk to you.
1591
00:49:45,583 --> 00:49:46,384
What are you doing?
1592
00:49:46,417 --> 00:49:47,418
>> He's not a well man.
1593
00:49:47,452 --> 00:49:48,053
>> What are you doing?
1594
00:49:48,086 --> 00:49:49,487
You have a wife and kids,
1595
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:50,055
don't you? Huh?
1596
00:49:50,088 --> 00:49:50,721
>> It's the holidays.
1597
00:49:50,755 --> 00:49:51,422
>> All right, listen to me.
1598
00:49:51,456 --> 00:49:52,123
This television show is live.
1599
00:49:52,157 --> 00:49:54,292
No director is going to be able
1600
00:49:54,325 --> 00:49:54,925
to cut your gags.
1601
00:49:54,959 --> 00:49:56,227
>> All right, well, look,
1602
00:49:56,261 --> 00:49:57,262
let me think about it.
1603
00:49:57,295 --> 00:49:57,728
What's the dough?
1604
00:49:57,762 --> 00:49:58,429
>> 600 a week.
1605
00:49:58,463 --> 00:50:00,031
>> I'm not doing it for $600.
1606
00:50:00,065 --> 00:50:00,731
>> All right.
1607
00:50:00,765 --> 00:50:02,033
>> What kind of manager are you?
1608
00:50:02,067 --> 00:50:03,068
>> You're right. You don't need
1609
00:50:03,101 --> 00:50:04,102
the exposure. You just stay
1610
00:50:04,135 --> 00:50:05,336
with a small audience. It's 600
1611
00:50:05,370 --> 00:50:06,671
a week to start. All right?
1612
00:50:06,704 --> 00:50:07,338
>> What does "cavalcade"
1613
00:50:07,372 --> 00:50:07,805
mean, anyway?
1614
00:50:07,838 --> 00:50:08,673
>> Listen to me.
1615
00:50:08,706 --> 00:50:09,507
>> It's a two-week trial.
1616
00:50:09,540 --> 00:50:10,175
>> Uh-huh.
1617
00:50:10,208 --> 00:50:11,609
>> If you hit it out of the
1618
00:50:11,642 --> 00:50:12,643
park, the sky is the limit.
1619
00:50:12,677 --> 00:50:14,379
You know what? I already said
1620
00:50:14,412 --> 00:50:15,680
yes, okay? Merry Christmas.
1621
00:50:15,713 --> 00:50:17,382
Hey, you're welcome.
1622
00:50:17,415 --> 00:50:18,383
>> You do not have
1623
00:50:18,416 --> 00:50:19,650
the power to...
1624
00:50:23,488 --> 00:50:25,323
Can you believe this guy?
1625
00:50:25,356 --> 00:50:27,392
I'm telling you, he's a madman.
1626
00:50:27,425 --> 00:50:30,128
You have a friend for him?
1627
00:50:30,161 --> 00:50:31,429
Now, this is beautiful.
1628
00:50:31,462 --> 00:50:33,631
This is beautiful. This is what
1629
00:50:33,664 --> 00:50:34,799
it's about.
1630
00:50:34,832 --> 00:50:37,402
>> ( song playing )
1631
00:50:37,435 --> 00:50:40,205
>> Whoa.
1632
00:50:40,238 --> 00:50:42,673
>> * I'm thinking of ways
1633
00:50:42,707 --> 00:50:45,543
* To prove that I love you
1634
00:50:45,576 --> 00:50:48,546
* Oh, I've got so much more
1635
00:50:48,579 --> 00:50:51,849
* Important things to do.
1636
00:50:51,882 --> 00:50:53,651
>> Coming in and dip back. Ooh.
1637
00:50:54,885 --> 00:50:56,621
>> The Druggist Association of
1638
00:50:56,654 --> 00:50:58,223
America presents The DuMont
1639
00:50:58,256 --> 00:51:00,325
Network's "Cavalcade of Stars,"
1640
00:51:00,358 --> 00:51:01,559
starring your host, Jackie
1641
00:51:01,592 --> 00:51:03,561
Gleason, with the June Taylor
1642
00:51:03,594 --> 00:51:05,196
Dancers. And now,
1643
00:51:05,230 --> 00:51:07,732
here's Jackie Gleason!
1644
00:51:07,765 --> 00:51:10,701
>> ( applause )
1645
00:51:10,735 --> 00:51:14,239
>> Whoa! Thank you, everybody.
1646
00:51:14,272 --> 00:51:15,673
Welcome to "Cavalcade of Stars."
1647
00:51:15,706 --> 00:51:17,875
I'm Jackie Gleason. As the cow
1648
00:51:17,908 --> 00:51:19,344
said to the farmer, "Thanks for
1649
00:51:19,377 --> 00:51:20,278
the warm hand."
1650
00:51:20,311 --> 00:51:21,679
>> ( laughter )
1651
00:51:21,712 --> 00:51:23,114
>> I think it's time to put that
1652
00:51:23,148 --> 00:51:25,216
joke out to pasture. You know, I
1653
00:51:25,250 --> 00:51:26,651
got to tell you, backstage I met
1654
00:51:26,684 --> 00:51:27,718
a gal with a million-dollar
1655
00:51:27,752 --> 00:51:29,687
smile. She'd only smile at guys
1656
00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:30,821
that had a million dollars.
1657
00:51:30,855 --> 00:51:31,722
>> ( laughter )
1658
00:51:31,756 --> 00:51:33,691
>> Girls, that's your cue.
1659
00:51:38,696 --> 00:51:39,764
>> Tonight's show is brought
1660
00:51:39,797 --> 00:51:41,166
to you by Gleam-O-Dent with
1661
00:51:41,199 --> 00:51:42,767
phosphoryl, in peppermint...
1662
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:43,734
>> And spearmint.
1663
00:51:43,768 --> 00:51:45,370
>> Mmm, girls, do you want
1664
00:51:45,403 --> 00:51:47,705
to get paid?
1665
00:51:47,738 --> 00:51:49,840
Yow! Oh, they're a good one.
1666
00:51:49,874 --> 00:51:53,178
Give 'em a hand. Makes you want
1667
00:51:53,211 --> 00:51:55,380
to brush between meals. Ooh!
1668
00:51:55,413 --> 00:51:56,747
You're in for a real treat
1669
00:51:56,781 --> 00:51:57,782
tonight. Thanks for staying
1670
00:51:57,815 --> 00:51:59,384
tuned to "Cavalcade."
1671
00:51:59,417 --> 00:52:01,652
Sammy, a little traveling music?
1672
00:52:01,686 --> 00:52:04,389
>> ( bouncy tune playing )
1673
00:52:10,595 --> 00:52:11,496
>> ( laughter )
1674
00:52:11,529 --> 00:52:13,564
>> Oh!
1675
00:52:18,436 --> 00:52:20,805
Hah! Hah! Hah! Thanks for tuning
1676
00:52:20,838 --> 00:52:22,607
in to "Cavalcade!" On with
1677
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,610
the show, and away we go!
1678
00:52:25,643 --> 00:52:28,313
>> ( show theme playing )
1679
00:52:28,346 --> 00:52:29,947
>> Whoa!
1680
00:52:29,980 --> 00:52:31,449
Who okayed these costumes?
1681
00:52:31,482 --> 00:52:32,550
>> Keely Smith has one song.
1682
00:52:32,583 --> 00:52:33,584
>> I know that. I booked her.
1683
00:52:33,618 --> 00:52:34,619
>> Then you do the Reggie
1684
00:52:34,652 --> 00:52:36,521
sketch. And your manager is
1685
00:52:36,554 --> 00:52:37,188
in your room.
1686
00:52:37,222 --> 00:52:38,289
>> Wonderful.
1687
00:52:41,692 --> 00:52:42,493
>> Willy, what is that?
1688
00:52:42,527 --> 00:52:43,761
A scotch? Water it down.
1689
00:52:43,794 --> 00:52:46,797
Water it down. All good!
1690
00:52:46,831 --> 00:52:49,300
Opening monologue, hilarious!
1691
00:52:49,334 --> 00:52:49,934
I was standing there.
1692
00:52:49,967 --> 00:52:50,968
I almost pissed my pants.
1693
00:52:51,001 --> 00:52:52,203
>> You think I pay you
1694
00:52:52,237 --> 00:52:52,903
to kiss my ass?
1695
00:52:52,937 --> 00:52:53,871
>> What are you talking about?
1696
00:52:53,904 --> 00:52:55,706
>> Do I pay you to kiss my ass?
1697
00:52:55,740 --> 00:52:56,407
>> It was funny.
1698
00:52:56,441 --> 00:52:57,842
>> What did you hear out there?
1699
00:52:57,875 --> 00:52:58,876
>> There were laughs out there.
1700
00:52:58,909 --> 00:53:00,311
>> What did you hear? You want
1701
00:53:00,345 --> 00:53:01,679
to know what I heard? Crickets!
1702
00:53:01,712 --> 00:53:02,680
>> You're right. It could
1703
00:53:02,713 --> 00:53:03,314
be a little better.
1704
00:53:03,348 --> 00:53:04,549
>> What the hell is that?
1705
00:53:04,582 --> 00:53:05,583
>> Huh? I'll talk to 'em.
1706
00:53:05,616 --> 00:53:06,150
>> Mr. Gleason.
1707
00:53:06,183 --> 00:53:06,951
>> Let's go. Let's go.
1708
00:53:06,984 --> 00:53:07,985
>> I'll get the writers.
1709
00:53:08,018 --> 00:53:10,221
>> Get the writers. All right.
1710
00:53:10,255 --> 00:53:10,855
You're combing the back
1711
00:53:10,888 --> 00:53:12,290
of my neck. Give me this.
1712
00:53:12,323 --> 00:53:13,224
>> You wanted to see
1713
00:53:13,258 --> 00:53:13,791
us, Mr. Gleason?
1714
00:53:13,824 --> 00:53:14,725
>> Yeah, yeah. Which one
1715
00:53:14,759 --> 00:53:15,660
of you geniuses wrote
1716
00:53:15,693 --> 00:53:16,227
that opening monologue?
1717
00:53:16,261 --> 00:53:17,262
>> Well, we both did.
1718
00:53:17,295 --> 00:53:17,928
>> Yeah.
1719
00:53:17,962 --> 00:53:18,629
>> You both did, huh? Well,
1720
00:53:18,663 --> 00:53:20,565
you know what? You both stink!
1721
00:53:20,598 --> 00:53:22,500
This just in. We're trying to do
1722
00:53:22,533 --> 00:53:23,701
comedy. It read like a damn
1723
00:53:23,734 --> 00:53:24,735
weather report out there.
1724
00:53:24,769 --> 00:53:25,670
>> Well, I think they got--
1725
00:53:25,703 --> 00:53:26,371
>> Oh, no, no.
1726
00:53:26,404 --> 00:53:27,738
>> You want to write for radio?
1727
00:53:27,772 --> 00:53:29,006
No? Go upstairs
1728
00:53:29,039 --> 00:53:29,674
and try it again.
1729
00:53:29,707 --> 00:53:31,742
>> One minute, Mr. Gleason.
1730
00:53:31,776 --> 00:53:33,010
>> No. No. I know, Joel.
1731
00:53:33,043 --> 00:53:34,245
Where you think I'm going,
1732
00:53:34,279 --> 00:53:36,247
on a cruise? It's a clip-on,
1733
00:53:36,281 --> 00:53:37,815
for Christ's sakes. Put it on.
1734
00:53:37,848 --> 00:53:39,784
Put-- I'm running a circus.
1735
00:53:39,817 --> 00:53:40,585
>> Your tie's not on.
1736
00:53:40,618 --> 00:53:41,586
>> I'm running a circus.
1737
00:53:41,619 --> 00:53:42,620
>> The tie's not on.
1738
00:53:42,653 --> 00:53:44,322
>> Do me a favor. Do something.
1739
00:53:44,355 --> 00:53:45,556
>> Okay. Let me put the tie on.
1740
00:53:45,590 --> 00:53:46,424
Here.
1741
00:53:46,457 --> 00:53:47,658
>> ( applause )
1742
00:53:47,692 --> 00:53:49,026
>> ( band playing )
1743
00:53:49,059 --> 00:53:51,762
>> ( humming a tune )
1744
00:54:00,037 --> 00:54:01,772
>> Oh, that's a good year.
1745
00:54:01,806 --> 00:54:03,508
Tuesday. ( resumes humming )
1746
00:54:03,541 --> 00:54:06,744
>> ( laughter )
1747
00:54:06,777 --> 00:54:09,414
>> One hell of a good omelet.
1748
00:54:09,447 --> 00:54:11,749
Hmm. ( resumes humming )
1749
00:54:16,754 --> 00:54:18,556
>> ( drum boings )
1750
00:54:18,589 --> 00:54:20,858
>> Smooth!
1751
00:54:20,891 --> 00:54:22,693
>> ( laughs ) That's great.
1752
00:54:22,727 --> 00:54:25,363
>> Fire in the hole!
1753
00:54:25,396 --> 00:54:28,766
Hmm. ( resumes humming )
1754
00:54:32,737 --> 00:54:36,407
Mmm, boy. Hmm.
1755
00:54:38,709 --> 00:54:40,745
>> ( laughter )
1756
00:54:44,549 --> 00:54:45,916
>> ( laughing )
1757
00:54:45,950 --> 00:54:49,654
>> Son. Ahem. Son.
1758
00:54:49,687 --> 00:54:51,956
>> Hmm. Perfect timing, Daddy.
1759
00:54:51,989 --> 00:54:53,858
I try not to overexercise
1760
00:54:53,891 --> 00:54:54,759
on the weekend.
1761
00:54:54,792 --> 00:54:55,993
>> ( laughter )
1762
00:54:56,026 --> 00:54:57,862
>> You see, Mother? He is
1763
00:54:57,895 --> 00:54:59,930
no good. He is a bum.
1764
00:54:59,964 --> 00:55:03,934
>> Son, your father is right.
1765
00:55:03,968 --> 00:55:06,804
>> Hmm. Boy, are you fat.
1766
00:55:06,837 --> 00:55:10,641
>> ( laughter )
1767
00:55:10,675 --> 00:55:13,043
( applause )
1768
00:55:13,077 --> 00:55:14,044
>> He's a bum.
1769
00:55:14,078 --> 00:55:15,480
>> See? Huh? ( laughs )
1770
00:55:15,513 --> 00:55:16,113
Brilliant! Brilliant!
1771
00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:17,382
I got some very good news.
1772
00:55:17,415 --> 00:55:18,416
>> See, now they know the
1773
00:55:18,449 --> 00:55:19,083
character. See the difference?
1774
00:55:19,116 --> 00:55:20,084
>> Jackie, thank you so much
1775
00:55:20,117 --> 00:55:21,519
for putting me in the sketch
1776
00:55:21,552 --> 00:55:22,219
out there.
1777
00:55:22,252 --> 00:55:23,521
>> Oh, were you in the sketch
1778
00:55:23,554 --> 00:55:25,022
out there? Artie, do me a favor.
1779
00:55:25,055 --> 00:55:26,056
When I'm getting my laughs,
1780
00:55:26,090 --> 00:55:26,891
don't stand there mugging,
1781
00:55:26,924 --> 00:55:27,525
'cause it's distracting.
1782
00:55:27,558 --> 00:55:28,693
>> Oh, yeah, sure, Jackie.
1783
00:55:28,726 --> 00:55:29,527
>> Thanks for stopping by.
1784
00:55:29,560 --> 00:55:30,761
I want to talk to you.
1785
00:55:30,795 --> 00:55:31,596
>> Did you make reservations?
1786
00:55:31,629 --> 00:55:32,129
>> Yeah, for 10:00.
1787
00:55:32,162 --> 00:55:32,830
>> Five people.
1788
00:55:32,863 --> 00:55:34,031
>> Five? I'll take care of it.
1789
00:55:34,064 --> 00:55:34,732
Carney is terrific.
1790
00:55:34,765 --> 00:55:36,100
He's a very good foil for you.
1791
00:55:36,133 --> 00:55:37,535
>> He's got a lot to learn.
1792
00:55:37,568 --> 00:55:38,569
>> I think you should use him
1793
00:55:38,603 --> 00:55:39,604
as often as possible.
1794
00:55:39,637 --> 00:55:40,638
>> Are you booking the show now?
1795
00:55:40,671 --> 00:55:41,672
>> I'm trying to tell you,
1796
00:55:41,706 --> 00:55:43,107
you're going to be a busy boy.
1797
00:55:43,140 --> 00:55:43,741
The sponsors are going
1798
00:55:43,774 --> 00:55:44,409
completely nuts. Listen--
1799
00:55:44,442 --> 00:55:45,643
>> Well, why wouldn't they?
1800
00:55:45,676 --> 00:55:46,477
>> I talked to DuMont.
1801
00:55:46,511 --> 00:55:48,012
They want a whole year!
1802
00:55:48,045 --> 00:55:49,113
>> ( laughs ) And you were
1803
00:55:49,146 --> 00:55:50,147
worried about the two weeks.
1804
00:55:50,180 --> 00:55:50,815
>> I know.
1805
00:55:50,848 --> 00:55:51,682
>> I love it.
1806
00:55:51,716 --> 00:55:52,717
So, what'd you tell 'em?
1807
00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:53,751
>> They had to meet our price
1808
00:55:53,784 --> 00:55:55,586
or take a walk off a short pier.
1809
00:55:55,620 --> 00:55:56,421
>> Stick it to 'em.
1810
00:55:56,454 --> 00:55:56,954
>> I know.
1811
00:55:56,987 --> 00:55:57,655
>> Stick it to 'em.
1812
00:55:57,688 --> 00:55:58,956
>> I tell you, I'm gonna turn
1813
00:55:58,989 --> 00:55:59,790
you into a millionaire
1814
00:55:59,824 --> 00:56:00,491
yet, kid.
1815
00:56:00,525 --> 00:56:01,692
>> Hey, you got it backwards,
1816
00:56:01,726 --> 00:56:02,660
Bullets. I'm turning you
1817
00:56:02,693 --> 00:56:03,694
into a millionaire.
1818
00:56:03,728 --> 00:56:04,729
>> Well, I know. I was just--
1819
00:56:04,762 --> 00:56:05,963
>> You were just what? You were
1820
00:56:05,996 --> 00:56:07,064
just what? Taking the credit
1821
00:56:07,097 --> 00:56:08,633
like everybody else?
1822
00:56:08,666 --> 00:56:09,299
>> Well, I--
1823
00:56:09,333 --> 00:56:10,535
>> Who's the one busting his
1824
00:56:10,568 --> 00:56:11,602
rump out there every night?
1825
00:56:12,903 --> 00:56:14,672
>> Hey, let's go.
1826
00:56:15,973 --> 00:56:17,675
>> ( laughter )
1827
00:56:17,708 --> 00:56:19,910
>> Look, that's Jackie Gleason.
1828
00:56:19,944 --> 00:56:20,545
>> It's one of mine.
1829
00:56:20,578 --> 00:56:23,080
>> Oh, you are a good one.
1830
00:56:23,113 --> 00:56:24,649
>> All right, and then let--
1831
00:56:24,682 --> 00:56:25,683
>> Excuse me. Could I finish?
1832
00:56:25,716 --> 00:56:26,717
>> All right, go ahead, finish.
1833
00:56:26,751 --> 00:56:27,952
>> So the cop says to the guy,
1834
00:56:27,985 --> 00:56:29,186
he says, "What the hell you
1835
00:56:29,219 --> 00:56:30,621
doing out at 4:00 in the
1836
00:56:30,655 --> 00:56:31,656
morning?" And the guy says,
1837
00:56:31,689 --> 00:56:32,690
"Well, if I knew that,
1838
00:56:32,723 --> 00:56:33,924
I'd be at home with my wife."
1839
00:56:33,958 --> 00:56:35,460
>> ( laughter )
1840
00:56:35,493 --> 00:56:35,926
>> Ladies and gentlemen,
1841
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:36,594
The Great One.
1842
00:56:36,627 --> 00:56:37,628
>> Thank you. You don't have
1843
00:56:37,662 --> 00:56:38,496
to do that.
1844
00:56:38,529 --> 00:56:38,963
>> All right.
1845
00:56:38,996 --> 00:56:40,565
>> That's funny.
1846
00:56:40,598 --> 00:56:41,198
>> How would you know?
1847
00:56:41,231 --> 00:56:43,534
>> That's one of Berle's.
1848
00:56:43,568 --> 00:56:44,635
>> Oh, yeah?
1849
00:56:44,669 --> 00:56:45,736
>> He steals from the best.
1850
00:56:45,770 --> 00:56:46,671
So do you.
1851
00:56:46,704 --> 00:56:48,573
>> What do you mean?
1852
00:56:48,606 --> 00:56:49,039
>> Everybody knows you
1853
00:56:49,073 --> 00:56:49,974
like to...
1854
00:56:50,007 --> 00:56:51,942
>> Say it.
1855
00:56:51,976 --> 00:56:54,111
>> Borrow. ( chuckles )
1856
00:56:54,144 --> 00:56:55,546
>> All right, come on, we're all
1857
00:56:55,580 --> 00:56:56,581
just having a good time.
1858
00:56:56,614 --> 00:56:57,748
>> Oh, you sure the hell are.
1859
00:56:57,782 --> 00:56:58,783
You're having big steaks and
1860
00:56:58,816 --> 00:57:00,017
booze at my expense. Why not
1861
00:57:00,050 --> 00:57:01,652
have a good time at my expense?
1862
00:57:01,686 --> 00:57:03,754
>> Jackie, if I said something
1863
00:57:03,788 --> 00:57:04,855
wrong, I apologize. You know
1864
00:57:04,889 --> 00:57:06,090
I didn't mean nothing by it.
1865
00:57:06,123 --> 00:57:07,191
>> Nah, it's not a matter
1866
00:57:07,224 --> 00:57:08,225
of something wrong. You just
1867
00:57:08,258 --> 00:57:09,460
said what's on your mind.
1868
00:57:09,494 --> 00:57:11,095
>> You saying I'm jealous?
1869
00:57:11,128 --> 00:57:12,730
>> No. See, you would have to be
1870
00:57:12,763 --> 00:57:14,965
a contender to be jealous.
1871
00:57:14,999 --> 00:57:17,768
You are envious.
1872
00:57:17,802 --> 00:57:20,004
>> So now I'm envious.
1873
00:57:20,037 --> 00:57:21,506
>> And pathetic.
1874
00:57:24,642 --> 00:57:25,810
>> Yeah. Okay, you're a
1875
00:57:25,843 --> 00:57:27,211
schoolteacher, and you go
1876
00:57:27,244 --> 00:57:28,613
in the room, and the kids are
1877
00:57:28,646 --> 00:57:29,313
going crazy.
1878
00:57:29,346 --> 00:57:29,980
>> They're yelling, screaming--
1879
00:57:30,014 --> 00:57:31,115
>> No, no, no. School's not
1880
00:57:31,148 --> 00:57:31,682
funny. What else?
1881
00:57:31,716 --> 00:57:32,349
>> Okay, you're a clerk
1882
00:57:32,382 --> 00:57:34,184
in a complaints department,
1883
00:57:34,218 --> 00:57:36,487
except you're rude to everyone
1884
00:57:36,521 --> 00:57:37,187
who comes in.
1885
00:57:37,221 --> 00:57:38,723
>> No, no, no. I'd be the one
1886
00:57:38,756 --> 00:57:39,557
coming in to complain.
1887
00:57:39,590 --> 00:57:40,224
>> Cowboy?
1888
00:57:40,257 --> 00:57:41,626
>> No. What'd I tell you
1889
00:57:41,659 --> 00:57:42,259
about cowboys?
1890
00:57:42,292 --> 00:57:42,927
>> Okay, just getting back
1891
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:43,561
to the schoolteacher thing.
1892
00:57:43,594 --> 00:57:44,895
>> Why would you get back
1893
00:57:44,929 --> 00:57:45,763
to the schoolteacher?
1894
00:57:45,796 --> 00:57:46,296
>> We think Carney--
1895
00:57:46,330 --> 00:57:46,964
>> I can see Carney.
1896
00:57:46,997 --> 00:57:48,766
>> Okay, listen. Carney has
1897
00:57:48,799 --> 00:57:50,501
enough to do, okay? He's a
1898
00:57:50,535 --> 00:57:52,737
busy man. You know what? Do me
1899
00:57:52,770 --> 00:57:54,171
a favor. You guys come sit down.
1900
00:57:54,204 --> 00:57:56,240
You're scaring me. Come on.
1901
00:57:56,273 --> 00:57:56,874
All right, now listen.
1902
00:57:56,907 --> 00:57:58,242
Does everybody have a pen?
1903
00:57:58,275 --> 00:57:59,544
>> Yes.
1904
00:57:59,577 --> 00:58:00,711
>> I would appreciate it if
1905
00:58:00,745 --> 00:58:02,813
you write this down.
1906
00:58:02,847 --> 00:58:06,116
Think funny, okay? Humor comes
1907
00:58:06,150 --> 00:58:07,184
out of conflict, not an
1908
00:58:07,217 --> 00:58:08,719
occupation, but it comes out
1909
00:58:08,753 --> 00:58:10,755
of relationships and situations,
1910
00:58:10,788 --> 00:58:12,022
right? Okay, let's say we
1911
00:58:12,056 --> 00:58:12,557
have a couple.
1912
00:58:12,590 --> 00:58:13,724
>> A couple of guys.
1913
00:58:13,758 --> 00:58:14,725
>> Yeah. Roomies.
1914
00:58:14,759 --> 00:58:16,193
>> No, no, no. A married couple.
1915
00:58:16,226 --> 00:58:17,227
Let's say they're married, okay?
1916
00:58:17,261 --> 00:58:18,663
They've been at it a while,
1917
00:58:18,696 --> 00:58:19,697
but they're always at each
1918
00:58:19,730 --> 00:58:20,531
other's throats, but they
1919
00:58:20,565 --> 00:58:21,065
love each other.
1920
00:58:21,098 --> 00:58:22,633
>> And they live in
1921
00:58:22,667 --> 00:58:23,300
a great big mansion.
1922
00:58:23,333 --> 00:58:23,934
>> Yeah, yeah, a penthouse.
1923
00:58:23,968 --> 00:58:26,003
>> Okay, rich isn't funny.
1924
00:58:26,036 --> 00:58:27,237
You understand? You want to put
1925
00:58:27,271 --> 00:58:28,673
'em in a two-room tenement.
1926
00:58:28,706 --> 00:58:29,774
>> Okay, so they're poor?
1927
00:58:29,807 --> 00:58:30,808
>> Who said they were poor?
1928
00:58:30,841 --> 00:58:31,642
They're struggling. Write it
1929
00:58:31,676 --> 00:58:32,577
down. Struggling.
1930
00:58:32,610 --> 00:58:33,310
You know the feeling.
1931
00:58:33,343 --> 00:58:34,812
>> Okay, and when he gets home,
1932
00:58:34,845 --> 00:58:36,046
there's a bunch of kids just--
1933
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:36,747
>> And they're yelling--
1934
00:58:36,781 --> 00:58:37,915
>> There's no kids. Because they
1935
00:58:37,948 --> 00:58:39,684
argue, and it isn't funny when
1936
00:58:39,717 --> 00:58:41,018
you argue in front of children.
1937
00:58:41,051 --> 00:58:42,753
He's the kid. That's the point.
1938
00:58:42,787 --> 00:58:43,453
>> Right.
1939
00:58:43,487 --> 00:58:45,022
>> He's the big-- the big baby,
1940
00:58:45,055 --> 00:58:45,856
the blubbering kid that
1941
00:58:45,890 --> 00:58:46,724
won't grow up.
1942
00:58:46,757 --> 00:58:47,592
>> Okay, so then it's
1943
00:58:47,625 --> 00:58:48,626
just the two of them,
1944
00:58:48,659 --> 00:58:49,326
and they're loners--
1945
00:58:49,359 --> 00:58:50,561
>> I didn't say-- why would you
1946
00:58:50,595 --> 00:58:51,696
want to make 'em loners?
1947
00:58:51,729 --> 00:58:52,763
You want to have conflict
1948
00:58:52,797 --> 00:58:53,698
of other people. They're social.
1949
00:58:53,731 --> 00:58:54,732
>> Carney could go there.
1950
00:58:54,765 --> 00:58:55,232
>> Carney would be
1951
00:58:55,265 --> 00:58:55,800
a great neighbor.
1952
00:58:55,833 --> 00:58:56,934
>> Okay. Carney can be
1953
00:58:56,967 --> 00:58:58,168
a neighbor. He pops in every
1954
00:58:58,202 --> 00:58:59,604
once in a while, stirs it up.
1955
00:58:59,637 --> 00:59:00,638
>> So what does this guy
1956
00:59:00,671 --> 00:59:01,672
do for a living?
1957
00:59:01,706 --> 00:59:03,107
>> He drives a cab.
1958
00:59:03,140 --> 00:59:05,910
>> Worse. A bus. A bus. He's a
1959
00:59:05,943 --> 00:59:07,678
bus driver, takes a bus up and
1960
00:59:07,712 --> 00:59:09,279
down Fifth Avenue all day long,
1961
00:59:09,313 --> 00:59:10,748
carting around people that are
1962
00:59:10,781 --> 00:59:12,116
better off than he is. But every
1963
00:59:12,149 --> 00:59:13,651
scheme and everything he tries
1964
00:59:13,684 --> 00:59:15,285
fails. And he does it for her,
1965
00:59:15,319 --> 00:59:18,088
but he fails. Titles.
1966
00:59:18,122 --> 00:59:19,123
What does it feel like?
1967
00:59:19,156 --> 00:59:19,824
>> Uh...
1968
00:59:19,857 --> 00:59:21,058
>> It's a guy that's always--
1969
00:59:21,091 --> 00:59:22,727
he's failing with his schemes.
1970
00:59:22,760 --> 00:59:23,393
He loves his wife.
1971
00:59:23,427 --> 00:59:25,796
>> "The Failure." I mean...
1972
00:59:25,830 --> 00:59:26,831
>> Would you watch a show
1973
00:59:26,864 --> 00:59:27,531
called "The Failure"?
1974
00:59:27,564 --> 00:59:29,634
>> No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't.
1975
00:59:29,667 --> 00:59:33,070
>> "The Beast." Huh?
1976
00:59:33,103 --> 00:59:34,672
>> Please leave.
1977
00:59:34,705 --> 00:59:35,906
>> Hold on. Jackie, how about
1978
00:59:35,940 --> 00:59:37,842
"The Couple Next Door"?
1979
00:59:37,875 --> 00:59:39,309
>> Ooh. Ooh. Yeah.
1980
00:59:42,747 --> 00:59:45,950
>> "The Honeymooners."
1981
00:59:45,983 --> 00:59:47,685
Write that down.
1982
00:59:47,718 --> 00:59:49,253
It is my cup, but I don't drink
1983
00:59:49,286 --> 00:59:51,689
coffee. All right, let's just
1984
00:59:51,722 --> 00:59:55,292
give it a try. Okay? Artie?
1985
00:59:55,325 --> 00:59:56,627
>> Take 'em over there.
1986
00:59:56,661 --> 00:59:57,662
>> "Alice, did you make me
1987
00:59:57,695 --> 00:59:58,963
my eats? I'm starving."
1988
00:59:58,996 --> 00:59:59,897
>> "I know you're starving.
1989
00:59:59,930 --> 01:00:00,931
That's why I'm making you
1990
01:00:00,965 --> 01:00:01,632
a salad."
1991
01:00:01,666 --> 01:00:03,033
>> "Do I have to have a salad
1992
01:00:03,067 --> 01:00:04,669
today? Can I just get a little
1993
01:00:04,702 --> 01:00:05,335
piece of bread?"
1994
01:00:05,369 --> 01:00:06,303
>> "Bread? I didn't bake any
1995
01:00:06,336 --> 01:00:07,872
bread, Ralph. You're on a diet,
1996
01:00:07,905 --> 01:00:08,572
remember?"
1997
01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:09,874
>> "Well, if you didn't make any
1998
01:00:09,907 --> 01:00:11,108
bread, what have you been doing?
1999
01:00:11,141 --> 01:00:12,142
You--" you know, let's just--
2000
01:00:12,176 --> 01:00:13,377
Frank, we're going to put this
2001
01:00:13,410 --> 01:00:14,411
on its feet, all right?
2002
01:00:14,444 --> 01:00:15,045
>> Okay, Jackie, sure.
2003
01:00:15,079 --> 01:00:16,681
>> Let's just block it up.
2004
01:00:16,714 --> 01:00:17,715
You know where you are.
2005
01:00:17,748 --> 01:00:18,415
>> Yeah.
2006
01:00:18,448 --> 01:00:19,684
>> Right? Let's just try it out
2007
01:00:19,717 --> 01:00:20,718
right around here. Now, how
2008
01:00:20,751 --> 01:00:22,152
would this look in a two shot?
2009
01:00:22,186 --> 01:00:23,788
Okay, that's wrong. Two shot.
2010
01:00:23,821 --> 01:00:24,689
>> Two shot, please.
2011
01:00:24,722 --> 01:00:25,823
>> Way too tight!
2012
01:00:25,856 --> 01:00:26,757
Way too tight!
2013
01:00:26,791 --> 01:00:28,192
>> Loosen that up, please.
2014
01:00:28,225 --> 01:00:29,860
>> Too wide. In.
2015
01:00:29,894 --> 01:00:30,895
>> Okay, too wide now, please.
2016
01:00:30,928 --> 01:00:31,762
>> In closer.
2017
01:00:31,796 --> 01:00:32,763
>> Closer, please.
2018
01:00:32,797 --> 01:00:33,931
>> Right. Right the--
2019
01:00:33,964 --> 01:00:35,032
>> It looks great.
2020
01:00:35,065 --> 01:00:36,066
>> No, it's not great.
2021
01:00:36,100 --> 01:00:37,301
I'll let you know when it's
2022
01:00:37,334 --> 01:00:38,736
great. That's wide.
2023
01:00:38,769 --> 01:00:39,403
>> Okay.
2024
01:00:39,436 --> 01:00:42,039
>> Okay? Right-- good God.
2025
01:00:42,072 --> 01:00:43,107
You'll work that out later?
2026
01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:43,674
>> Yes.
2027
01:00:43,708 --> 01:00:44,341
>> All right, let's try
2028
01:00:44,374 --> 01:00:45,810
the lines, shall we? Alice,
2029
01:00:45,843 --> 01:00:47,044
you got my eats? I'm starving.
2030
01:00:47,077 --> 01:00:47,678
>> I know you're starving.
2031
01:00:47,712 --> 01:00:48,913
That's why I'm making you
2032
01:00:48,946 --> 01:00:49,780
a salad!
2033
01:00:49,814 --> 01:00:50,480
>> Okay, hold on. Hold on.
2034
01:00:50,514 --> 01:00:52,049
You don't want to walk away on
2035
01:00:52,082 --> 01:00:53,684
a line. First of all, you're not
2036
01:00:53,718 --> 01:00:54,719
scared of Ralph. When he lets
2037
01:00:54,752 --> 01:00:55,953
you have it, you confront this
2038
01:00:55,986 --> 01:00:57,387
guy. You take no guff from him
2039
01:00:57,421 --> 01:00:58,222
at all. All right?
2040
01:00:58,255 --> 01:00:58,956
You're right there.
2041
01:00:58,989 --> 01:00:59,656
>> All right.
2042
01:00:59,690 --> 01:01:00,457
>> You're not scared of Ralph.
2043
01:01:00,490 --> 01:01:01,125
>> Okay. All right.
2044
01:01:01,158 --> 01:01:02,459
>> Okay. Let's try it again.
2045
01:01:02,492 --> 01:01:03,861
Alice, you got my eats?
2046
01:01:03,894 --> 01:01:04,729
I'm starving.
2047
01:01:04,762 --> 01:01:05,830
>> I know you're starving.
2048
01:01:05,863 --> 01:01:06,731
That's why I'm making
2049
01:01:06,764 --> 01:01:07,431
you a salad!
2050
01:01:07,464 --> 01:01:08,432
>> Better. But you don't want
2051
01:01:08,465 --> 01:01:09,867
to move on the line, because it
2052
01:01:09,900 --> 01:01:10,701
waters it down, especially--
2053
01:01:10,735 --> 01:01:11,736
>> All right, got it.
2054
01:01:11,769 --> 01:01:13,037
>> Hold on. How can you "got it"
2055
01:01:13,070 --> 01:01:14,304
if you're not listening to me?
2056
01:01:14,338 --> 01:01:15,773
So let me get-- all right?
2057
01:01:15,806 --> 01:01:16,473
>> All right.
2058
01:01:16,506 --> 01:01:17,141
>> Unless you're clairvoyant,
2059
01:01:17,174 --> 01:01:18,709
which I don't think you are.
2060
01:01:18,743 --> 01:01:19,910
Because I know she's beautiful.
2061
01:01:19,944 --> 01:01:21,345
Maybe she's-- I don't know.
2062
01:01:21,378 --> 01:01:22,813
>> I'll all ears, Jackie.
2063
01:01:22,847 --> 01:01:23,480
>> All right, my doll.
2064
01:01:23,513 --> 01:01:25,415
Okay, again. Frank, now,
2065
01:01:25,449 --> 01:01:26,450
if you're going to use-- Frank?
2066
01:01:26,483 --> 01:01:27,117
>> Yes?
2067
01:01:27,151 --> 01:01:28,753
>> Are you going to use this
2068
01:01:28,786 --> 01:01:29,787
shot? Because the table's not
2069
01:01:29,820 --> 01:01:31,155
going to work here. You either
2070
01:01:31,188 --> 01:01:32,957
got to move the table or widen
2071
01:01:32,990 --> 01:01:34,391
the shot. I got to work upstage
2072
01:01:34,424 --> 01:01:35,993
so I can cross to the icebox.
2073
01:01:36,026 --> 01:01:37,127
>> Okay, we'll move the table.
2074
01:01:37,161 --> 01:01:38,028
>> Let's move the table.
2075
01:01:38,062 --> 01:01:39,263
Two feet, camera left.
2076
01:01:39,296 --> 01:01:41,098
>> Props! Can we please move the
2077
01:01:41,131 --> 01:01:42,767
table three feet camera left?
2078
01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:43,433
>> Two feet.
2079
01:01:43,467 --> 01:01:44,334
>> Two feet.
2080
01:01:44,368 --> 01:01:45,002
>> Camera left.
2081
01:01:45,035 --> 01:01:45,936
>> Yes, sir.
2082
01:01:45,970 --> 01:01:46,636
>> Got it.
2083
01:01:46,670 --> 01:01:48,739
>> Three guys to move a table.
2084
01:01:48,773 --> 01:01:49,506
That's the union I got
2085
01:01:49,539 --> 01:01:51,976
to be in. ( laughs )
2086
01:01:52,009 --> 01:01:53,477
Thank you, guys. You may want
2087
01:01:53,510 --> 01:01:56,180
to rest. All righty. Let's just
2088
01:01:56,213 --> 01:01:57,414
hit it with the last one.
2089
01:01:57,447 --> 01:01:58,115
>> Got it.
2090
01:01:58,148 --> 01:01:59,750
>> If you didn't make any bread,
2091
01:01:59,784 --> 01:02:00,517
what have you been doing?
2092
01:02:00,550 --> 01:02:01,752
>> Letting out the seat
2093
01:02:01,786 --> 01:02:02,419
of your pants.
2094
01:02:02,452 --> 01:02:04,354
>> ( chuckles ) You're going
2095
01:02:04,388 --> 01:02:05,455
to get yours, Alice.
2096
01:02:05,489 --> 01:02:07,524
Oh, you're going to get yours.
2097
01:02:07,557 --> 01:02:10,394
Bang! Zoom!
2098
01:02:11,796 --> 01:02:12,529
Okay, that's your cue, Art.
2099
01:02:12,562 --> 01:02:14,364
Is there a problem?
2100
01:02:14,398 --> 01:02:15,800
>> No, no, I was just waiting
2101
01:02:15,833 --> 01:02:17,334
for the laugh.
2102
01:02:19,503 --> 01:02:20,771
>> There's not an audience.
2103
01:02:20,805 --> 01:02:21,872
>> Just giving it a beat.
2104
01:02:21,906 --> 01:02:23,373
>> Okay. Take the beat.
2105
01:02:23,407 --> 01:02:24,942
Please come in on, "Bang. Zoom."
2106
01:02:24,975 --> 01:02:26,010
It'll help, okay? And remember,
2107
01:02:26,043 --> 01:02:26,476
creep up.
2108
01:02:26,510 --> 01:02:27,144
>> Sure. Sure.
2109
01:02:27,177 --> 01:02:28,445
>> Okay. Take it from there.
2110
01:02:28,478 --> 01:02:29,479
Oh, you're going to get yours.
2111
01:02:29,513 --> 01:02:30,915
You are going to get yours.
2112
01:02:30,948 --> 01:02:32,416
Bang! Zoom!
2113
01:02:32,449 --> 01:02:33,517
>> Hey there, Ralphie boy!
2114
01:02:33,550 --> 01:02:35,886
>> Bah! Why are you sneaking up
2115
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:37,855
behind me for? You know I ain't
2116
01:02:37,888 --> 01:02:39,289
got any food in here! I could
2117
01:02:39,323 --> 01:02:40,224
have passed right out.
2118
01:02:40,257 --> 01:02:41,425
>> Ralph, you mind if I have
2119
01:02:41,458 --> 01:02:42,426
dinner here? They're painting
2120
01:02:42,459 --> 01:02:44,795
my apartment, and I can't stand
2121
01:02:44,829 --> 01:02:45,495
the smell of paint.
2122
01:02:47,331 --> 01:02:49,233
>> That's great, Norton.
2123
01:02:49,266 --> 01:02:50,868
You know I'm on a big diet that
2124
01:02:50,901 --> 01:02:52,302
Alice has me on, and you come
2125
01:02:52,336 --> 01:02:53,537
down with a sandwich like that.
2126
01:02:53,570 --> 01:02:54,538
Oh, that's a beauty.
2127
01:02:54,571 --> 01:02:55,840
>> I was hungry.
2128
01:02:55,873 --> 01:02:57,407
>> You were hungry.
2129
01:02:57,441 --> 01:02:59,009
You're a riot, Norton.
2130
01:02:59,043 --> 01:03:01,211
You're a regular riot.
2131
01:03:01,245 --> 01:03:02,279
>> Well, you want a bite?
2132
01:03:04,982 --> 01:03:07,151
>> Get out! Get out! Out!
2133
01:03:07,184 --> 01:03:08,185
>> See what I'm telling you?
2134
01:03:08,218 --> 01:03:09,086
>> Get out!
2135
01:03:09,119 --> 01:03:09,553
>> Sheesh!
2136
01:03:09,586 --> 01:03:10,420
>> Out!
2137
01:03:10,454 --> 01:03:11,121
>> What a grump.
2138
01:03:11,155 --> 01:03:12,489
>> We have got to get this man
2139
01:03:12,522 --> 01:03:16,493
on CBS. When's his contract up
2140
01:03:16,526 --> 01:03:17,928
at DuMont?
2141
01:03:17,962 --> 01:03:18,595
>> Charlie?
2142
01:03:18,628 --> 01:03:19,596
>> That's easy to find out.
2143
01:03:19,629 --> 01:03:20,297
>> Do it.
2144
01:03:20,330 --> 01:03:21,565
>> But is he representative of
2145
01:03:21,598 --> 01:03:23,600
what our audience wants to see?
2146
01:03:23,633 --> 01:03:24,935
>> I don't know. I mean,
2147
01:03:24,969 --> 01:03:26,837
he lacks Ed Sullivan's charm,
2148
01:03:26,871 --> 01:03:27,471
but he's funny.
2149
01:03:27,504 --> 01:03:28,172
>> Yeah. Funny.
2150
01:03:28,205 --> 01:03:29,573
>> He may need to lose weight.
2151
01:03:29,606 --> 01:03:31,075
>> ...Ralph. You're on a diet.
2152
01:03:31,108 --> 01:03:32,309
>> Yeah, may be a little heavy.
2153
01:03:32,342 --> 01:03:34,211
>> I think he's perfect.
2154
01:03:34,244 --> 01:03:35,245
>> I think you're right.
2155
01:03:35,279 --> 01:03:36,947
>> Right. Let's get him
2156
01:03:36,981 --> 01:03:38,015
for next season.
2157
01:03:38,048 --> 01:03:38,582
>> Okay.
2158
01:03:38,615 --> 01:03:39,516
>> One of these days,
2159
01:03:39,549 --> 01:03:42,853
you're going bang! Zoom!
2160
01:03:45,189 --> 01:03:46,590
Whose idea was it to put ice
2161
01:03:46,623 --> 01:03:47,157
in a urinal?
2162
01:03:47,191 --> 01:03:47,557
>> I don't understand.
2163
01:03:47,591 --> 01:03:48,558
Look at you.
2164
01:03:48,592 --> 01:03:49,259
>> All right.
2165
01:03:49,293 --> 01:03:49,960
>> Look at you! Most important
2166
01:03:49,994 --> 01:03:51,495
meeting we've ever had in our
2167
01:03:51,528 --> 01:03:52,329
careers, and last night,
2168
01:03:52,362 --> 01:03:53,163
you decide you're going
2169
01:03:53,197 --> 01:03:53,864
to go out drinking?
2170
01:03:53,898 --> 01:03:55,032
>> There was nothing to watch
2171
01:03:55,065 --> 01:03:56,066
on television. I wasn't on.
2172
01:03:56,100 --> 01:03:56,766
>> ( laughs ) See,
2173
01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:57,467
that's not funny. Upstairs is
2174
01:03:57,501 --> 01:03:59,003
not some idiot producer. This is
2175
01:03:59,036 --> 01:03:59,703
William Paley upstairs!
2176
01:03:59,736 --> 01:04:00,504
>> Okay, I'll tell you what's
2177
01:04:00,537 --> 01:04:01,538
not going to fly today.
2178
01:04:01,571 --> 01:04:02,973
That's the yelling in my head.
2179
01:04:03,007 --> 01:04:03,473
>> Okay, fine.
2180
01:04:03,507 --> 01:04:04,308
>> You understand?
2181
01:04:04,341 --> 01:04:05,142
>> I'm relaxed. We just
2182
01:04:05,175 --> 01:04:05,775
cannot blow this.
2183
01:04:05,809 --> 01:04:06,911
>> Hey, you tell them not
2184
01:04:06,944 --> 01:04:07,611
to blow it.
2185
01:04:07,644 --> 01:04:08,612
>> Okay. What's the matter, huh?
2186
01:04:08,645 --> 01:04:09,279
You all right?
2187
01:04:09,313 --> 01:04:09,846
>> I'm good.
2188
01:04:09,880 --> 01:04:10,414
>> Hey, take it easy.
2189
01:04:10,447 --> 01:04:11,615
>> I'm good. I gotta get
2190
01:04:11,648 --> 01:04:12,316
something to eat.
2191
01:04:12,349 --> 01:04:13,517
>> You stay down here. I'll get
2192
01:04:13,550 --> 01:04:15,152
you a sandwich, a cup of coffee.
2193
01:04:15,185 --> 01:04:16,186
>> You should live that long
2194
01:04:16,220 --> 01:04:17,421
that I would stay down here.
2195
01:04:17,454 --> 01:04:18,455
>> Okay, what do you want?
2196
01:04:18,488 --> 01:04:19,489
>> You know what I want.
2197
01:04:19,523 --> 01:04:20,925
Make sure you get it for me
2198
01:04:20,958 --> 01:04:21,625
or I walk.
2199
01:04:21,658 --> 01:04:24,061
>> Yeah. You can barely stand.
2200
01:04:24,094 --> 01:04:25,095
>> Who wants a tip here?
2201
01:04:25,129 --> 01:04:26,063
It's on Bill.
2202
01:04:26,096 --> 01:04:26,630
>> ( laughter )
2203
01:04:26,663 --> 01:04:27,497
>> Promise me you'll get
2204
01:04:27,531 --> 01:04:28,365
better scotch.
2205
01:04:28,398 --> 01:04:29,066
>> Hear that, Friedman?
2206
01:04:29,099 --> 01:04:30,267
Get a better scotch. Come on.
2207
01:04:30,300 --> 01:04:31,301
>> I'll be a monkey's uncle.
2208
01:04:31,335 --> 01:04:32,536
I don't even have a light.
2209
01:04:32,569 --> 01:04:33,370
Who's got a match?
2210
01:04:33,403 --> 01:04:34,071
>> I don't have one.
2211
01:04:34,104 --> 01:04:35,072
>> However, we feel Jackie...
2212
01:04:35,105 --> 01:04:35,772
>> You have one?
2213
01:04:35,805 --> 01:04:37,074
>> ...should be a member of the
2214
01:04:37,107 --> 01:04:38,542
CBS family. We feel the need
2215
01:04:38,575 --> 01:04:39,576
to share his talents with
2216
01:04:39,609 --> 01:04:40,510
the biggest audience possible.
2217
01:04:40,544 --> 01:04:41,979
>> Gorgeous suit. Does it come
2218
01:04:42,012 --> 01:04:42,947
in an adult size?
2219
01:04:42,980 --> 01:04:44,181
>> Well, DuMont was the network
2220
01:04:44,214 --> 01:04:45,582
that gave him his first shot.
2221
01:04:45,615 --> 01:04:46,583
You understand that.
2222
01:04:46,616 --> 01:04:47,284
>> We want a full hour
2223
01:04:47,317 --> 01:04:49,286
of "The Jackie Gleason Show."
2224
01:04:49,319 --> 01:04:50,554
We want all his characters,
2225
01:04:50,587 --> 01:04:51,621
especially the sketch with
2226
01:04:51,655 --> 01:04:52,990
the husband and wife. The...
2227
01:04:53,023 --> 01:04:53,523
>> "The Honeymooners."
2228
01:04:53,557 --> 01:04:54,391
>> Yeah. Very funny.
2229
01:04:54,424 --> 01:04:55,425
>> You know, we also have
2230
01:04:55,459 --> 01:04:56,526
interest at NBC.
2231
01:04:56,560 --> 01:04:57,561
>> Ah, yeah, yeah. I know.
2232
01:04:57,594 --> 01:04:59,496
They said you called them
2233
01:04:59,529 --> 01:05:00,597
after we called you.
2234
01:05:00,630 --> 01:05:02,166
>> That's not entirely true.
2235
01:05:02,199 --> 01:05:02,632
>> All right, see?
2236
01:05:02,666 --> 01:05:03,500
>> Half true.
2237
01:05:03,533 --> 01:05:04,501
>> The man already knew.
2238
01:05:04,534 --> 01:05:06,103
( laughs ) He already knew.
2239
01:05:06,136 --> 01:05:07,004
>> Why wouldn't he know?
2240
01:05:07,037 --> 01:05:08,138
He's a network.
2241
01:05:08,172 --> 01:05:09,573
>> Mr. Paley, I got to tell you
2242
01:05:09,606 --> 01:05:10,607
something. I'm going to be
2243
01:05:10,640 --> 01:05:12,242
honest with you. To be with CBS,
2244
01:05:12,276 --> 01:05:13,510
for Jackie and I, huh, Jackie,
2245
01:05:13,543 --> 01:05:15,145
it'd be a big thrill. It would
2246
01:05:15,179 --> 01:05:16,513
be very exciting. But we have
2247
01:05:16,546 --> 01:05:17,481
some stipulations we have
2248
01:05:17,514 --> 01:05:19,149
to talk about first.
2249
01:05:19,183 --> 01:05:19,683
>> Such as?
2250
01:05:19,716 --> 01:05:20,317
>> You want an hour,
2251
01:05:20,350 --> 01:05:21,685
it's gonna be a big show.
2252
01:05:21,718 --> 01:05:22,519
There's some creative areas.
2253
01:05:22,552 --> 01:05:23,420
>> Control.
2254
01:05:23,453 --> 01:05:24,554
>> Control of what?
2255
01:05:24,588 --> 01:05:26,490
>> Puts it right out there.
2256
01:05:26,523 --> 01:05:27,324
>> Puts it right out.
2257
01:05:27,357 --> 01:05:28,325
>> Of everything.
2258
01:05:28,358 --> 01:05:29,126
>> All right, fine.
2259
01:05:29,159 --> 01:05:29,826
Just say it.
2260
01:05:29,859 --> 01:05:31,128
>> Could you be more specific?
2261
01:05:31,161 --> 01:05:32,062
>> What's more specific than
2262
01:05:32,096 --> 01:05:33,130
"everything"? Okay, let me
2263
01:05:33,163 --> 01:05:34,364
draw it out for you. Writing,
2264
01:05:34,398 --> 01:05:35,732
producing, directing. I seem to
2265
01:05:35,765 --> 01:05:37,401
have an affinity in the musical
2266
01:05:37,434 --> 01:05:39,503
department, so choreography,
2267
01:05:39,536 --> 01:05:40,570
theme music.
2268
01:05:40,604 --> 01:05:41,538
>> ( chuckles )
2269
01:05:41,571 --> 01:05:42,539
What about the catering?
2270
01:05:42,572 --> 01:05:43,573
>> Well, I could do a hell
2271
01:05:43,607 --> 01:05:45,009
of a lot better than this.
2272
01:05:45,042 --> 01:05:46,410
I'll tell you that right now.
2273
01:05:46,443 --> 01:05:47,978
It's like a wake. Who died?
2274
01:05:48,012 --> 01:05:48,678
>> Okay. Okay.
2275
01:05:48,712 --> 01:05:49,679
>> Here, run this to the lab.
2276
01:05:49,713 --> 01:05:51,348
>> Okay. Okay. Very good.
2277
01:05:51,381 --> 01:05:52,582
But it's only fair that we have
2278
01:05:52,616 --> 01:05:54,451
some sort of final say.
2279
01:05:57,254 --> 01:05:58,688
>> Call NBC.
2280
01:05:58,722 --> 01:05:59,256
>> ( chuckles )
2281
01:05:59,289 --> 01:06:00,324
>> All right, gentlemen.
2282
01:06:00,357 --> 01:06:01,325
>> Call 'em. Go outside
2283
01:06:01,358 --> 01:06:02,226
and call them.
2284
01:06:02,259 --> 01:06:03,093
>> Jackie.
2285
01:06:03,127 --> 01:06:04,661
>> Gentlemen, let's talk
2286
01:06:04,694 --> 01:06:07,497
numbers. Friedman?
2287
01:06:07,531 --> 01:06:08,532
>> All right. Sit down.
2288
01:06:08,565 --> 01:06:11,168
Give it a rest.
2289
01:06:11,201 --> 01:06:14,171
>> Okay. For all starring and
2290
01:06:14,204 --> 01:06:14,804
producing services, including
2291
01:06:14,838 --> 01:06:15,705
the cost of each episode.
2292
01:06:15,739 --> 01:06:16,373
>> Mr. Friedman. Sorry. Slow
2293
01:06:16,406 --> 01:06:17,774
down just for a second here.
2294
01:06:17,807 --> 01:06:19,043
>> Let him get out
2295
01:06:19,076 --> 01:06:20,577
his magic pen.
2296
01:06:20,610 --> 01:06:21,545
>> You were saying
2297
01:06:21,578 --> 01:06:22,612
all producing services...
2298
01:06:22,646 --> 01:06:23,613
>> For all starring
2299
01:06:23,647 --> 01:06:25,315
and producing services,
2300
01:06:25,349 --> 01:06:26,616
including the cost of each
2301
01:06:26,650 --> 01:06:28,285
episode, we are prepared to
2302
01:06:28,318 --> 01:06:30,087
offer, for two seasons,
2303
01:06:30,120 --> 01:06:32,322
the sum of $11 million.
2304
01:06:34,591 --> 01:06:36,093
>> That's for two seasons,
2305
01:06:36,126 --> 01:06:37,494
of course.
2306
01:06:37,527 --> 01:06:38,628
>> Naturally.
2307
01:06:41,631 --> 01:06:42,632
>> Well, how the hell am I
2308
01:06:42,666 --> 01:06:43,667
supposed to live on that?
2309
01:06:43,700 --> 01:06:44,534
>> ( chuckles )
2310
01:06:44,568 --> 01:06:45,735
>> ( laughter )
2311
01:06:45,769 --> 01:06:46,603
>> That'll cost you
2312
01:06:46,636 --> 01:06:47,437
an extra five bucks.
2313
01:06:47,471 --> 01:06:48,272
>> You got to eat.
2314
01:06:48,305 --> 01:06:49,106
>> Five bucks a joke.
2315
01:06:49,139 --> 01:06:49,673
>> Done.
2316
01:06:49,706 --> 01:06:50,374
>> Gentlemen, allow me
2317
01:06:50,407 --> 01:06:52,809
to introduce you to CBS's newest
2318
01:06:52,842 --> 01:06:54,578
and brightest star,
2319
01:06:54,611 --> 01:06:56,546
Mr. Jackie Gleason.
2320
01:06:58,615 --> 01:06:59,283
>> Thank you very much,
2321
01:06:59,316 --> 01:07:00,484
everybody. Bill, I can't tell
2322
01:07:00,517 --> 01:07:02,319
you what a pleasure it is to be
2323
01:07:02,352 --> 01:07:03,753
associated with the network who
2324
01:07:03,787 --> 01:07:05,522
discovered Ed Sullivan.
2325
01:07:05,555 --> 01:07:06,456
>> ( laughs )
2326
01:07:06,490 --> 01:07:07,624
>> Will you still be doing
2327
01:07:07,657 --> 01:07:08,292
all of your--
2328
01:07:08,325 --> 01:07:08,825
>> Ah?
2329
01:07:08,858 --> 01:07:09,526
>> Will you still--
2330
01:07:09,559 --> 01:07:10,494
>> I didn't mean to interrupt.
2331
01:07:10,527 --> 01:07:11,361
Go ahead.
2332
01:07:11,395 --> 01:07:11,995
>> Will you do all--
2333
01:07:12,028 --> 01:07:12,829
>> Please stop before you
2334
01:07:12,862 --> 01:07:13,697
lose your hair.
2335
01:07:13,730 --> 01:07:14,398
>> ( laughter )
2336
01:07:14,431 --> 01:07:15,599
>> Mr. Gleason, will you still
2337
01:07:15,632 --> 01:07:16,633
be doing all of your
2338
01:07:16,666 --> 01:07:17,267
old characters from
2339
01:07:17,301 --> 01:07:17,967
"The Jackie Gleason Show?"
2340
01:07:18,001 --> 01:07:19,369
>> Well, now, you say that like
2341
01:07:19,403 --> 01:07:20,204
it's a bad thing.
2342
01:07:20,237 --> 01:07:21,171
Of course I'll be.
2343
01:07:21,205 --> 01:07:21,638
>> Is Art Carney
2344
01:07:21,671 --> 01:07:22,272
going with you?
2345
01:07:22,306 --> 01:07:23,507
>> I wouldn't go anywhere
2346
01:07:23,540 --> 01:07:24,208
without Artie.
2347
01:07:24,241 --> 01:07:25,509
>> Jackie, how's Pert Kelton?
2348
01:07:25,542 --> 01:07:26,576
>> She's doing better,
2349
01:07:26,610 --> 01:07:27,811
refuses to sleep with me,
2350
01:07:27,844 --> 01:07:28,578
but she'll learn.
2351
01:07:28,612 --> 01:07:29,646
>> ( laughter )
2352
01:07:29,679 --> 01:07:30,680
>> No, no, Pert's fine.
2353
01:07:30,714 --> 01:07:32,316
As you know, she had a little--
2354
01:07:32,349 --> 01:07:33,550
thank you very much. It's about
2355
01:07:33,583 --> 01:07:34,384
time you do something
2356
01:07:34,418 --> 01:07:35,152
at the network.
2357
01:07:35,185 --> 01:07:37,587
>> ( laughter )
2358
01:07:37,621 --> 01:07:40,257
>> No. She's better. You know,
2359
01:07:40,290 --> 01:07:41,491
there was a problem with her
2360
01:07:41,525 --> 01:07:42,559
ticker, and the doctor says
2361
01:07:42,592 --> 01:07:43,793
she should take some time off,
2362
01:07:43,827 --> 01:07:45,429
so we're going to be looking for
2363
01:07:45,462 --> 01:07:46,696
a new Alice. And you know how
2364
01:07:46,730 --> 01:07:48,565
I love the audition process.
2365
01:07:48,598 --> 01:07:49,666
>> ( laughter )
2366
01:07:49,699 --> 01:07:50,700
>> Are the rumors true that
2367
01:07:50,734 --> 01:07:52,136
you've hired a physician to help
2368
01:07:52,169 --> 01:07:52,769
you lose weight?
2369
01:07:52,802 --> 01:07:54,271
>> I'm planning on losing
2370
01:07:54,304 --> 01:07:56,306
180 pounds by getting rid
2371
01:07:56,340 --> 01:07:56,773
of my manager.
2372
01:07:56,806 --> 01:07:58,575
>> ( laughter )
2373
01:07:58,608 --> 01:07:59,609
>> I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
2374
01:07:59,643 --> 01:08:01,145
He's 175.
2375
01:08:01,178 --> 01:08:03,247
>> ( laughter )
2376
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:04,181
>> Gentlemen, that's about all
2377
01:08:04,214 --> 01:08:04,814
the time we have.
2378
01:08:04,848 --> 01:08:05,649
Thank you very much.
2379
01:08:05,682 --> 01:08:06,516
>> Uh-huh.
2380
01:08:06,550 --> 01:08:07,083
>> ( applause )
2381
01:08:07,117 --> 01:08:07,751
>> Thank you, everybody.
2382
01:08:07,784 --> 01:08:09,519
>> And another thing, Ralph.
2383
01:08:09,553 --> 01:08:11,488
My mother can come stay with us
2384
01:08:11,521 --> 01:08:13,423
anytime she wants to,
2385
01:08:13,457 --> 01:08:14,524
like it or not.
2386
01:08:14,558 --> 01:08:15,225
>> All right, Miss Meadows.
2387
01:08:15,259 --> 01:08:16,493
Thank you. That was terrific.
2388
01:08:16,526 --> 01:08:18,128
>> I can do it any way you
2389
01:08:18,162 --> 01:08:18,828
want, Mr. Gleason. I'm--
2390
01:08:18,862 --> 01:08:19,829
>> No, no, that was wonderful.
2391
01:08:19,863 --> 01:08:20,864
Thank you for coming by.
2392
01:08:20,897 --> 01:08:22,499
>> Audrey, come on. Home run.
2393
01:08:22,532 --> 01:08:24,234
It was great. Val is a great
2394
01:08:24,268 --> 01:08:25,269
manager. Give him my best.
2395
01:08:25,302 --> 01:08:25,969
>> I will. Thank you.
2396
01:08:26,002 --> 01:08:28,838
>> You were great. Okay. See?
2397
01:08:28,872 --> 01:08:30,274
>> What are you doing wasting my
2398
01:08:30,307 --> 01:08:31,508
time with a dame like that for?
2399
01:08:31,541 --> 01:08:32,542
>> What are you talking about?
2400
01:08:32,576 --> 01:08:33,210
This is--
2401
01:08:33,243 --> 01:08:34,444
>> What am I talking about?
2402
01:08:34,478 --> 01:08:35,479
>> This is a very, very--
2403
01:08:35,512 --> 01:08:36,180
>> Alice is a regular,
2404
01:08:36,213 --> 01:08:37,614
plain housewife from Brooklyn.
2405
01:08:37,647 --> 01:08:38,748
She's a glamour-puss.
2406
01:08:38,782 --> 01:08:39,783
She belongs on the wall
2407
01:08:39,816 --> 01:08:41,251
of an auto mechanic's poster,
2408
01:08:41,285 --> 01:08:42,219
not on "The Honeymooners."
2409
01:08:42,252 --> 01:08:42,919
>> Seven. Bounce it.
2410
01:08:42,952 --> 01:08:44,788
One and two and three and four,
2411
01:08:44,821 --> 01:08:46,756
a-five, six, turn it, eight.
2412
01:08:46,790 --> 01:08:48,525
And one, two, and three, four,
2413
01:08:48,558 --> 01:08:50,260
turn five, six, turn seven.
2414
01:08:50,294 --> 01:08:51,695
Good. A-one, two, a-three,
2415
01:08:51,728 --> 01:08:53,463
four, five. Open out. Now right
2416
01:08:53,497 --> 01:08:54,831
leg kicks. Go one, two.
2417
01:08:54,864 --> 01:08:56,533
Keep it eye-high. That's five,
2418
01:08:56,566 --> 01:08:57,601
six, seven. Backing up.
2419
01:08:57,634 --> 01:08:59,836
One, two, three. Jackie enters.
2420
01:08:59,869 --> 01:09:01,871
Five, six, seven, and hold.
2421
01:09:01,905 --> 01:09:03,307
Good, you guys. You did great.
2422
01:09:03,340 --> 01:09:03,807
>> Very nice, gals.
2423
01:09:03,840 --> 01:09:04,808
You're all fired.
2424
01:09:04,841 --> 01:09:06,176
>> ( laughter )
2425
01:09:06,210 --> 01:09:07,177
>> Wonderful job.
2426
01:09:07,211 --> 01:09:07,711
>> Thank you.
2427
01:09:07,744 --> 01:09:08,845
>> Very nice, June.
2428
01:09:08,878 --> 01:09:10,547
Who's the new one?
2429
01:09:10,580 --> 01:09:11,848
>> That's my kid sister Marilyn.
2430
01:09:11,881 --> 01:09:12,516
>> You're kidding?
2431
01:09:12,549 --> 01:09:13,750
>> No. You have to meet her.
2432
01:09:13,783 --> 01:09:15,585
Marilyn, come here. She's going
2433
01:09:15,619 --> 01:09:17,254
to love this. I'd like you
2434
01:09:17,287 --> 01:09:18,322
to meet Jackie.
2435
01:09:18,355 --> 01:09:19,022
>> Mr. Gleason.
2436
01:09:19,055 --> 01:09:20,457
>> It's a pleasure. I should've
2437
01:09:20,490 --> 01:09:21,325
known those gams run
2438
01:09:21,358 --> 01:09:21,891
in the family.
2439
01:09:21,925 --> 01:09:22,659
>> Yeah, you should see
2440
01:09:22,692 --> 01:09:23,527
our brothers.
2441
01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:24,894
>> ( laughs ) She's funny.
2442
01:09:24,928 --> 01:09:26,430
We like that around here.
2443
01:09:26,463 --> 01:09:27,831
Welcome to the show. Anything
2444
01:09:27,864 --> 01:09:29,299
you need, please let me know.
2445
01:09:29,333 --> 01:09:29,799
>> Thank you.
2446
01:09:29,833 --> 01:09:30,667
>> Good job, June.
2447
01:09:35,639 --> 01:09:37,441
>> Huh? ( laughs )
2448
01:09:37,474 --> 01:09:38,442
>> What's that?
2449
01:09:38,475 --> 01:09:39,576
>> What do you mean, what--
2450
01:09:39,609 --> 01:09:41,545
it's a mink. I thought
2451
01:09:41,578 --> 01:09:42,111
you'd like it.
2452
01:09:42,145 --> 01:09:42,879
>> What am I supposed
2453
01:09:42,912 --> 01:09:43,580
to do with it?
2454
01:09:43,613 --> 01:09:44,814
>> You're supposed to feed it
2455
01:09:44,848 --> 01:09:46,383
and watch it grow. Jen,
2456
01:09:46,416 --> 01:09:47,517
it's for you. I want you
2457
01:09:47,551 --> 01:09:49,619
to wear it. Come on.
2458
01:09:49,653 --> 01:09:51,721
>> Where, around here?
2459
01:09:51,755 --> 01:09:53,357
Why don't you give it to one
2460
01:09:53,390 --> 01:09:54,558
of your girlfriends?
2461
01:09:54,591 --> 01:09:55,592
>> You know, I don't even know
2462
01:09:55,625 --> 01:09:56,626
what the hell you're talking
2463
01:09:56,660 --> 01:09:57,661
about. Why don't you quit
2464
01:09:57,694 --> 01:09:58,528
reading those ridiculous
2465
01:09:58,562 --> 01:09:59,496
magazines? You know
2466
01:09:59,529 --> 01:10:00,129
I hate the press.
2467
01:10:00,163 --> 01:10:01,431
>> You think I don't know?
2468
01:10:01,465 --> 01:10:02,666
>> Oh, this is nice. This is--
2469
01:10:02,699 --> 01:10:03,900
the only picture you have of me
2470
01:10:03,933 --> 01:10:05,535
is the one where I got fired.
2471
01:10:05,569 --> 01:10:07,671
>> Geraldine likes it. Oh, by
2472
01:10:07,704 --> 01:10:08,872
the way, she keeps asking when
2473
01:10:08,905 --> 01:10:10,340
her daddy's going to come and
2474
01:10:10,374 --> 01:10:11,608
take her to the park. What am
2475
01:10:11,641 --> 01:10:13,277
I supposed to tell her, huh,
2476
01:10:13,310 --> 01:10:14,611
the truth? That Daddy's running
2477
01:10:14,644 --> 01:10:15,312
around with his girlfriends?
2478
01:10:15,345 --> 01:10:16,880
>> You know, I should've known
2479
01:10:16,913 --> 01:10:17,847
better than to do
2480
01:10:17,881 --> 01:10:18,782
something nice.
2481
01:10:18,815 --> 01:10:20,450
>> You can't pay us to be
2482
01:10:20,484 --> 01:10:21,785
a family, Jackie. You don't even
2483
01:10:21,818 --> 01:10:23,553
live here anymore. You forgot
2484
01:10:23,587 --> 01:10:26,556
Linda's birthday.
2485
01:10:26,590 --> 01:10:27,891
>> I sent her the tricycle,
2486
01:10:27,924 --> 01:10:28,458
didn't I?
2487
01:10:28,492 --> 01:10:31,561
>> Right. Right, Jackie.
2488
01:10:31,595 --> 01:10:32,629
>> Listen, the only reason why
2489
01:10:32,662 --> 01:10:34,331
my hotel is up the street is
2490
01:10:34,364 --> 01:10:36,333
because I work best late
2491
01:10:36,366 --> 01:10:37,367
at night. You know that.
2492
01:10:37,401 --> 01:10:41,371
>> You think I'm stupid? Go.
2493
01:10:41,405 --> 01:10:43,673
Just leave. Leave. Live wherever
2494
01:10:43,707 --> 01:10:46,776
you want. But I am still
2495
01:10:46,810 --> 01:10:50,280
your wife. We got married
2496
01:10:50,314 --> 01:10:51,581
in a church. We made a promise
2497
01:10:51,615 --> 01:10:54,618
to God, and I'm living by that.
2498
01:10:55,852 --> 01:10:57,587
>> Give my love to the girls.
2499
01:11:04,394 --> 01:11:06,062
>> My mother can come stay with
2500
01:11:06,095 --> 01:11:08,798
us anytime she wants. Like it...
2501
01:11:08,832 --> 01:11:09,666
( foot taps )
2502
01:11:09,699 --> 01:11:10,233
or not.
2503
01:11:10,266 --> 01:11:11,067
>> That's interesting.
2504
01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:12,336
Thank you.
2505
01:11:12,369 --> 01:11:13,870
>> And another thing, Ralph.
2506
01:11:13,903 --> 01:11:15,739
My mother can come stay with us
2507
01:11:15,772 --> 01:11:17,374
anytime she likes,
2508
01:11:17,407 --> 01:11:18,375
like it or not.
2509
01:11:18,408 --> 01:11:19,343
>> Huh.
2510
01:11:19,376 --> 01:11:19,876
>> ( chuckles ) That's--
2511
01:11:19,909 --> 01:11:20,544
>> Get her out.
2512
01:11:20,577 --> 01:11:21,511
>> Next.
2513
01:11:21,545 --> 01:11:24,013
>> And another thing, Ralph.
2514
01:11:24,047 --> 01:11:25,582
My mother can stay with--
2515
01:11:29,753 --> 01:11:31,521
...like it or not.
2516
01:11:31,555 --> 01:11:32,188
>> Uh-huh.
2517
01:11:32,221 --> 01:11:34,023
>> And another thing, Ralph.
2518
01:11:34,057 --> 01:11:36,360
My mother can come stay with us
2519
01:11:36,393 --> 01:11:37,494
anytime she wants...
2520
01:11:37,527 --> 01:11:38,127
>> ( laughs )
2521
01:11:38,161 --> 01:11:39,496
>> ...to, like it or not.
2522
01:11:39,529 --> 01:11:40,664
>> ( coughs ) You wanna go
2523
01:11:40,697 --> 01:11:41,698
to the Moon, Alice? You want
2524
01:11:41,731 --> 01:11:42,732
to go to the Moon?
2525
01:11:42,766 --> 01:11:44,834
>> Yeah, and you're just
2526
01:11:44,868 --> 01:11:46,570
the blimp to take me there.
2527
01:11:46,603 --> 01:11:47,704
>> ( laughs )
2528
01:11:47,737 --> 01:11:48,805
>> Very nice.
2529
01:11:48,838 --> 01:11:49,506
Very nice, everybody.
2530
01:11:49,539 --> 01:11:50,707
>> We'll let you know real soon.
2531
01:11:50,740 --> 01:11:51,575
Joe.
2532
01:11:51,608 --> 01:11:52,108
>> Thank you, gals.
2533
01:11:52,141 --> 01:11:53,410
>> ( whispers ) Hey.
2534
01:11:53,443 --> 01:11:54,644
So, what do you think?
2535
01:11:54,678 --> 01:11:55,111
>> She was unbelievable.
2536
01:11:55,144 --> 01:11:55,745
Who is she?
2537
01:11:55,779 --> 01:11:56,446
>> I don't know who you're
2538
01:11:56,480 --> 01:11:58,047
talking about. What do you mean,
2539
01:11:58,081 --> 01:11:58,615
the last one?
2540
01:11:58,648 --> 01:11:59,649
>> The one right there.
2541
01:11:59,683 --> 01:12:00,316
Yes, the last one.
2542
01:12:00,350 --> 01:12:01,585
>> Really? She was standing
2543
01:12:01,618 --> 01:12:03,487
in your office yesterday.
2544
01:12:03,520 --> 01:12:04,120
>> Want to run that
2545
01:12:04,153 --> 01:12:04,821
by me again?
2546
01:12:04,854 --> 01:12:06,089
>> Audrey Meadows, the one you
2547
01:12:06,122 --> 01:12:07,591
said was too pretty
2548
01:12:07,624 --> 01:12:08,625
to be funny.
2549
01:12:08,658 --> 01:12:09,759
>> That's Audrey Meadows?
2550
01:12:09,793 --> 01:12:10,460
>> Yes.
2551
01:12:10,494 --> 01:12:11,127
>> She's unbelievable. Tell her
2552
01:12:11,160 --> 01:12:12,529
she's got it. That's Alice!
2553
01:12:12,562 --> 01:12:13,563
>> Told you! Right now.
2554
01:12:13,597 --> 01:12:14,030
>> Oh, you're right.
2555
01:12:14,063 --> 01:12:14,698
>> Okay. Audrey?
2556
01:12:14,731 --> 01:12:16,433
>> Five, six, and eyebrows.
2557
01:12:16,466 --> 01:12:17,133
>> All right, sisters,
2558
01:12:17,166 --> 01:12:18,602
take a break. You look tired.
2559
01:12:18,635 --> 01:12:19,068
Excuse me.
2560
01:12:19,102 --> 01:12:19,736
>> I am.
2561
01:12:19,769 --> 01:12:20,770
>> So, how are you enjoying
2562
01:12:20,804 --> 01:12:22,138
your time on the show?
2563
01:12:22,171 --> 01:12:23,039
>> Well, I feel the
2564
01:12:23,072 --> 01:12:23,873
choreographer doesn't know
2565
01:12:23,907 --> 01:12:24,508
what she's doing.
2566
01:12:24,541 --> 01:12:25,875
>> Oh, do I sense a little
2567
01:12:25,909 --> 01:12:26,543
sibling rivalry?
2568
01:12:26,576 --> 01:12:27,544
>> ( laughs )
2569
01:12:27,577 --> 01:12:28,778
>> Why don't we go out and grab
2570
01:12:28,812 --> 01:12:29,779
a bite tonight?
2571
01:12:29,813 --> 01:12:31,014
>> Oh, well, I'd have to ask
2572
01:12:31,047 --> 01:12:33,450
my boss. Boss, can I go
2573
01:12:33,483 --> 01:12:34,484
to dinner with you tonight?
2574
01:12:34,518 --> 01:12:35,719
>> If you want to keep your job,
2575
01:12:35,752 --> 01:12:36,753
I highly recommend it.
2576
01:12:36,786 --> 01:12:37,454
>> ( laughs )
2577
01:12:37,487 --> 01:12:39,923
>> I see the mouse! There it is!
2578
01:12:39,956 --> 01:12:42,492
There's the mouse! I got it!
2579
01:12:42,526 --> 01:12:43,593
>> Wait!
2580
01:12:43,627 --> 01:12:45,562
>> He's over there!
2581
01:12:45,595 --> 01:12:46,930
>> I got him! Oh, God.
2582
01:12:46,963 --> 01:12:48,632
Don't you have a piece of cheese
2583
01:12:48,665 --> 01:12:50,667
or something? There's the tail!
2584
01:12:50,700 --> 01:12:51,901
I got him!
2585
01:12:51,935 --> 01:12:54,538
>> ( objects crashing )
2586
01:12:54,571 --> 01:12:56,606
>> Okay, Bobby, go to two.
2587
01:12:56,640 --> 01:12:57,707
>> Go to two, Rob.
2588
01:12:57,741 --> 01:12:58,575
>> Ready one.
2589
01:12:58,608 --> 01:12:59,409
>> He's supposed to be
2590
01:12:59,443 --> 01:13:00,109
by the fireplace.
2591
01:13:00,143 --> 01:13:01,478
>> Yeah, tell Pat to follow him.
2592
01:13:01,511 --> 01:13:02,045
>> Pat, follow him.
2593
01:13:02,078 --> 01:13:04,914
Ready three.
2594
01:13:04,948 --> 01:13:06,483
>> My leg!
2595
01:13:06,516 --> 01:13:07,451
>> Go back to one.
2596
01:13:07,484 --> 01:13:09,619
>> One up. Ready two. Wait.
2597
01:13:09,653 --> 01:13:10,654
I think he hurt himself.
2598
01:13:10,687 --> 01:13:12,689
I think he's hurt.
2599
01:13:12,722 --> 01:13:16,426
>> Okay, tell Bill to get off
2600
01:13:16,460 --> 01:13:17,494
him, stay on Carney.
2601
01:13:17,527 --> 01:13:18,628
>> Bill, stay on Carney.
2602
01:13:18,662 --> 01:13:19,796
Ready one.
2603
01:13:19,829 --> 01:13:21,531
>> Someone...
2604
01:13:21,565 --> 01:13:22,866
>> Ehh! My leg! My leg!
2605
01:13:22,899 --> 01:13:24,100
>> Think we've got a little bit
2606
01:13:24,133 --> 01:13:24,801
of a problem here.
2607
01:13:24,834 --> 01:13:26,803
>> "East Coast viewers notified
2608
01:13:26,836 --> 01:13:28,705
friends in the West about
2609
01:13:28,738 --> 01:13:30,540
the mishap in time to watch
2610
01:13:30,574 --> 01:13:32,208
the rebroadcast, earning Gleason
2611
01:13:32,241 --> 01:13:34,043
his largest audience ever."
2612
01:13:34,077 --> 01:13:35,479
>> If I knew that, I would
2613
01:13:35,512 --> 01:13:36,112
have broken both legs
2614
01:13:36,145 --> 01:13:36,813
in the first season.
2615
01:13:36,846 --> 01:13:38,615
>> Now, what can I do to make
2616
01:13:38,648 --> 01:13:39,315
you feel better?
2617
01:13:39,348 --> 01:13:40,517
>> Well, I know what you can do
2618
01:13:40,550 --> 01:13:41,885
to me. You are doing it.
2619
01:13:41,918 --> 01:13:43,587
>> Excuse me. Am I
2620
01:13:43,620 --> 01:13:45,522
interrupting something?
2621
01:13:45,555 --> 01:13:47,557
>> Hi, Jen. Go sit down.
2622
01:13:47,591 --> 01:13:48,792
>> I come here to see how you
2623
01:13:48,825 --> 01:13:52,529
are, and instead I find--
2624
01:13:52,562 --> 01:13:52,996
Who are you?
2625
01:13:53,029 --> 01:13:53,997
>> Sit down.
2626
01:13:54,030 --> 01:13:57,133
>> His girlfriend? His lover?
2627
01:13:57,166 --> 01:14:00,136
His date for the afternoon?
2628
01:14:00,169 --> 01:14:03,206
You know who I am? I'm his wife,
2629
01:14:03,239 --> 01:14:05,008
if that means anything to you.
2630
01:14:05,041 --> 01:14:05,842
I'm also the mother
2631
01:14:05,875 --> 01:14:07,577
of his children.
2632
01:14:07,611 --> 01:14:08,512
>> How are they?
2633
01:14:08,545 --> 01:14:10,213
>> In the hospital, Jackie,
2634
01:14:10,246 --> 01:14:12,982
where everyone can see?
2635
01:14:13,016 --> 01:14:15,685
>> I broke my leg.
2636
01:14:15,719 --> 01:14:19,122
>> I want you out of-- I am his
2637
01:14:19,155 --> 01:14:20,690
wife, and I belong here!
2638
01:14:20,724 --> 01:14:24,528
You don't! I am Mrs.
2639
01:14:24,561 --> 01:14:25,829
Jackie Gleason, and I demand
2640
01:14:25,862 --> 01:14:27,697
to be treated with respect.
2641
01:14:27,731 --> 01:14:28,264
>> Okay.
2642
01:14:28,297 --> 01:14:29,499
>> Do you hear me?!
2643
01:14:29,533 --> 01:14:31,067
>> Jen.
2644
01:14:31,100 --> 01:14:33,503
>> Out! I demand
2645
01:14:33,537 --> 01:14:34,003
to be treated...
2646
01:14:34,037 --> 01:14:34,538
>> I'll call you.
2647
01:14:34,571 --> 01:14:35,572
>> ...with respect!
2648
01:14:35,605 --> 01:14:36,072
>> Sit down.
2649
01:14:39,976 --> 01:14:41,110
>> All right, but, Ronnie,
2650
01:14:41,144 --> 01:14:42,078
that wall shouldn't be--
2651
01:14:42,111 --> 01:14:43,913
it looks as dirt-- it should be
2652
01:14:43,947 --> 01:14:45,281
as dirty as the other wall.
2653
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:46,115
>> Give me a chance.
2654
01:14:46,149 --> 01:14:46,816
>> That's too clean.
2655
01:14:46,850 --> 01:14:47,817
>> I'm doing it. Don't worry.
2656
01:14:47,851 --> 01:14:48,685
>> Okay.
2657
01:14:48,718 --> 01:14:49,252
>> Jackie.
2658
01:14:49,285 --> 01:14:50,186
>> And the backdrop is a
2659
01:14:50,219 --> 01:14:51,621
little-- hey, Bill. How are you?
2660
01:14:51,655 --> 01:14:52,321
>> Nice to see you.
2661
01:14:52,355 --> 01:14:53,289
>> Better backdrop. How are you?
2662
01:14:53,322 --> 01:14:54,558
Thanks for coming. Hi, Sid.
2663
01:14:54,591 --> 01:14:55,258
>> Sol.
2664
01:14:55,291 --> 01:14:56,660
>> Uh-huh. Come on, pull up a
2665
01:14:56,693 --> 01:14:59,563
chair. The only way I could tell
2666
01:14:59,596 --> 01:15:01,698
the backdrop is if you light it.
2667
01:15:01,731 --> 01:15:02,932
Put a light behind it. Does that
2668
01:15:02,966 --> 01:15:04,100
look like Brooklyn to you?
2669
01:15:04,133 --> 01:15:05,535
What do you know? You grew up
2670
01:15:05,569 --> 01:15:06,570
in Connecticut. ( laughs )
2671
01:15:06,603 --> 01:15:07,671
>> I'm running a little late
2672
01:15:07,704 --> 01:15:08,905
here. What can I do for you?
2673
01:15:08,938 --> 01:15:10,006
>> Well, the variety theme is
2674
01:15:10,039 --> 01:15:11,240
getting a little stale with me.
2675
01:15:11,274 --> 01:15:11,941
>> Come on now, Jackie.
2676
01:15:11,975 --> 01:15:13,109
The sponsors have been promised
2677
01:15:13,142 --> 01:15:13,677
a variety theme.
2678
01:15:13,710 --> 01:15:14,811
>> What do you want me
2679
01:15:14,844 --> 01:15:15,845
to tell them? They love
2680
01:15:15,879 --> 01:15:16,946
the show as it is.
2681
01:15:16,980 --> 01:15:18,281
>> Hey, can I-- are you okay
2682
01:15:18,314 --> 01:15:18,948
over there?
2683
01:15:18,982 --> 01:15:19,616
>> Be careful.
2684
01:15:19,649 --> 01:15:20,550
>> Can I finish?
2685
01:15:20,584 --> 01:15:21,250
>> Please.
2686
01:15:21,284 --> 01:15:22,652
>> The first half of the hour
2687
01:15:22,686 --> 01:15:24,320
remains a variety theme. The
2688
01:15:24,353 --> 01:15:26,255
last 30 minutes, it's an entire
2689
01:15:26,289 --> 01:15:27,557
episode of "The Honeymooners,"
2690
01:15:27,591 --> 01:15:28,592
and they're going to love it.
2691
01:15:28,625 --> 01:15:29,626
>> Come on now, Jackie.
2692
01:15:29,659 --> 01:15:30,594
>> That's too yellow.
2693
01:15:30,627 --> 01:15:31,595
>> "The Honeymooners" is just
2694
01:15:31,628 --> 01:15:32,629
a sketch. It doesn't have
2695
01:15:32,662 --> 01:15:33,663
the legs for 30 minutes.
2696
01:15:33,697 --> 01:15:34,698
>> Well, I beg to differ, Bill,
2697
01:15:34,731 --> 01:15:35,932
'cause I get about 5,000 letters
2698
01:15:35,965 --> 01:15:36,966
a week telling me differently,
2699
01:15:37,000 --> 01:15:38,602
so I want to give the people
2700
01:15:38,635 --> 01:15:40,036
more of that. And I want to do
2701
01:15:40,069 --> 01:15:41,337
it on film instead of kinescope,
2702
01:15:41,370 --> 01:15:42,706
'cause it's a different grain.
2703
01:15:42,739 --> 01:15:44,073
That bureau has to go more
2704
01:15:44,107 --> 01:15:45,341
towards the door, please,
2705
01:15:45,374 --> 01:15:46,876
'cause I take my hat off.
2706
01:15:46,910 --> 01:15:48,311
I gotta be able to come in,
2707
01:15:48,344 --> 01:15:49,679
put my stuff on it.
2708
01:15:49,713 --> 01:15:50,914
>> Just so they can watch a bus
2709
01:15:50,947 --> 01:15:51,915
driver yelling at his wife
2710
01:15:51,948 --> 01:15:53,149
for 30 minutes? You know what
2711
01:15:53,182 --> 01:15:53,983
that's going to cost?
2712
01:15:54,017 --> 01:15:54,951
>> I know exactly what
2713
01:15:54,984 --> 01:15:55,652
it will cost.
2714
01:15:55,685 --> 01:15:56,653
>> Come on, Jackie. You're not
2715
01:15:56,686 --> 01:15:57,587
being rational. It's too
2716
01:15:57,621 --> 01:15:58,622
much of a risk.
2717
01:15:58,655 --> 01:15:59,656
>> I'm willing to take it,
2718
01:15:59,689 --> 01:16:00,323
Bill.
2719
01:16:00,356 --> 01:16:01,324
>> ( sighs ) It's coming out
2720
01:16:01,357 --> 01:16:02,025
of your end.
2721
01:16:02,058 --> 01:16:03,827
>> What's new? It always does.
2722
01:16:03,860 --> 01:16:04,994
Could we play nice?
2723
01:16:05,028 --> 01:16:06,329
>> I'm going on record here.
2724
01:16:06,362 --> 01:16:07,764
I think it's a big mistake.
2725
01:16:07,797 --> 01:16:08,632
>> Okay.
2726
01:16:08,665 --> 01:16:09,633
>> Me too.
2727
01:16:09,666 --> 01:16:10,600
>> Okay. Do me a favor.
2728
01:16:10,634 --> 01:16:11,768
Guys, turn around. Does that
2729
01:16:11,801 --> 01:16:13,703
look like yellow?
2730
01:16:13,737 --> 01:16:15,672
>> If you say so, it's yellow.
2731
01:16:15,705 --> 01:16:16,906
>> That's the answer I need!
2732
01:16:16,940 --> 01:16:19,075
>> We'll see you, Jackie.
2733
01:16:19,108 --> 01:16:21,778
>> Beige. Beige!
2734
01:16:21,811 --> 01:16:25,782
The color of Sid! ( laughs )
2735
01:16:25,815 --> 01:16:27,984
Wow.
2736
01:16:28,017 --> 01:16:29,986
>> ( telephone line ringing )
2737
01:16:30,019 --> 01:16:32,656
>> Pick it up. Pick it up.
2738
01:16:32,689 --> 01:16:36,192
Pick it up. Pick it up.
2739
01:16:36,225 --> 01:16:38,728
>> ( telephone ringing )
2740
01:16:56,145 --> 01:16:57,881
>> ( knock on door )
2741
01:16:57,914 --> 01:16:59,315
>> What?
2742
01:16:59,348 --> 01:17:01,017
>> Jackie.
2743
01:17:01,050 --> 01:17:04,654
>> Come in. What do you want?
2744
01:17:04,688 --> 01:17:05,855
>> Well, this letter came
2745
01:17:05,889 --> 01:17:07,056
registered. I signed for it.
2746
01:17:07,090 --> 01:17:09,659
It's from Herb Gleason,
2747
01:17:09,693 --> 01:17:11,928
in Stoneybrook, Connecticut.
2748
01:18:17,293 --> 01:18:20,196
>> It's Jack. Please open
2749
01:18:20,229 --> 01:18:21,798
the door, Jackie. I beg you.
2750
01:18:21,831 --> 01:18:23,466
It's three minutes before
2751
01:18:23,499 --> 01:18:27,203
we go on. Jackie?
2752
01:18:35,178 --> 01:18:36,045
Coming in.
2753
01:18:39,148 --> 01:18:41,751
Jackie?
2754
01:18:41,785 --> 01:18:43,219
>> Excuse me, fellas. Hey,
2755
01:18:43,252 --> 01:18:44,921
Art, I know it's a long shot,
2756
01:18:44,954 --> 01:18:45,955
but have you seen Jackie?
2757
01:18:45,989 --> 01:18:47,190
>> Oh, no, no. I don't see
2758
01:18:47,223 --> 01:18:48,424
The Great One until they yell,
2759
01:18:48,457 --> 01:18:49,793
"Action." You know that, Jack.
2760
01:18:49,826 --> 01:18:50,493
>> I know.
2761
01:18:50,526 --> 01:18:52,428
>> Jackie, what are you doing
2762
01:18:52,461 --> 01:18:53,930
here? Jack Philbin is down
2763
01:18:53,963 --> 01:18:55,298
in the studio right now losing
2764
01:18:55,331 --> 01:18:56,399
his mind. Let's go downstairs.
2765
01:18:56,432 --> 01:18:57,033
Come on.
2766
01:18:57,066 --> 01:18:58,134
>> Did you send the stuff
2767
01:18:58,167 --> 01:18:59,235
to Marilyn?
2768
01:18:59,268 --> 01:19:00,369
>> Yeah, I sent the stuff
2769
01:19:00,403 --> 01:19:01,337
to Marilyn. That's done.
2770
01:19:01,370 --> 01:19:02,371
>> And?
2771
01:19:02,405 --> 01:19:04,173
>> And nothing. Look, Jackie,
2772
01:19:04,207 --> 01:19:06,109
I mean, really, kid, it's for
2773
01:19:06,142 --> 01:19:10,179
the best. Come on. Come on.
2774
01:19:10,213 --> 01:19:11,214
>> You hear that?
2775
01:19:11,247 --> 01:19:12,949
>> Huh? No, what?
2776
01:19:12,982 --> 01:19:16,185
>> Listen. You can get a cab on
2777
01:19:16,219 --> 01:19:20,189
a Saturday night. You know why?
2778
01:19:20,223 --> 01:19:21,891
Because everyone's at home
2779
01:19:21,925 --> 01:19:23,860
in front of their televisions
2780
01:19:23,893 --> 01:19:24,828
waiting to see me.
2781
01:19:24,861 --> 01:19:27,496
>> If you do the show, right?
2782
01:19:27,530 --> 01:19:28,898
Come on, you're right. No,
2783
01:19:28,932 --> 01:19:30,900
I'm proud of you, huh? Come on.
2784
01:19:30,934 --> 01:19:32,168
>> Are you, Bullets?
2785
01:19:32,201 --> 01:19:33,469
>> Of course I am. The whole
2786
01:19:33,502 --> 01:19:34,137
world's proud of you.
2787
01:19:34,170 --> 01:19:35,371
>> Then why don't I feel it?
2788
01:19:35,404 --> 01:19:37,406
>> Feel it? You don't want
2789
01:19:37,440 --> 01:19:39,075
to know what I think.
2790
01:19:39,108 --> 01:19:40,276
>> You know, the whole time I
2791
01:19:40,309 --> 01:19:43,546
was growing up, my father lived
2792
01:19:43,579 --> 01:19:47,416
less than an hour away, and he
2793
01:19:47,450 --> 01:19:49,185
never came to see me once.
2794
01:19:51,888 --> 01:19:53,356
He said it was because he felt
2795
01:19:53,389 --> 01:19:54,490
the shame.
2796
01:19:59,428 --> 01:20:00,830
This whole time, I thought
2797
01:20:00,864 --> 01:20:03,232
it was me.
2798
01:20:03,266 --> 01:20:05,534
>> He's the one that missed out.
2799
01:20:05,568 --> 01:20:07,170
It's his loss.
2800
01:20:10,907 --> 01:20:11,941
>> Try telling that
2801
01:20:11,975 --> 01:20:12,808
to an eight-year-old kid.
2802
01:20:16,279 --> 01:20:17,380
All right, come on.
2803
01:20:17,413 --> 01:20:18,347
>> ( drums playing )
2804
01:20:18,381 --> 01:20:20,349
>> Let's go fool 'em.
2805
01:20:20,383 --> 01:20:23,086
>> ( theme music playing )
2806
01:20:30,559 --> 01:20:33,429
>> Jackie Gleason.
2807
01:20:33,462 --> 01:20:36,132
"The Honeymooners."
2808
01:20:36,165 --> 01:20:38,401
With the stars Art Carney...
2809
01:20:40,369 --> 01:20:41,470
...Audrey Meadows...
2810
01:20:41,504 --> 01:20:42,939
>> Stand by, music.
2811
01:20:42,972 --> 01:20:43,907
>> Stand by, music.
2812
01:20:43,940 --> 01:20:44,373
>> ...and Joyce Randolph.
2813
01:20:44,407 --> 01:20:45,241
>> Fade up.
2814
01:20:45,274 --> 01:20:45,909
>> Fading up.
2815
01:20:45,942 --> 01:20:46,575
>> Cue music.
2816
01:20:46,609 --> 01:20:47,643
>> Cue music.
2817
01:20:47,676 --> 01:20:48,544
>> Cue Jackie.
2818
01:20:48,577 --> 01:20:49,212
>> Cue Jackie.
2819
01:20:49,245 --> 01:20:51,414
>> ( Alice humming a tune )
2820
01:20:51,447 --> 01:20:54,250
>> ( applause )
2821
01:20:55,584 --> 01:20:56,652
>> Hiya, Alice.
2822
01:20:56,685 --> 01:20:57,921
What's for supper?
2823
01:20:57,954 --> 01:20:59,388
>> Hiya, sweetie. I made your
2824
01:20:59,422 --> 01:21:00,957
favorite-- fried chicken.
2825
01:21:00,990 --> 01:21:01,925
( laughs )
2826
01:21:01,958 --> 01:21:03,526
>> Well, thank you, Alice.
2827
01:21:03,559 --> 01:21:06,595
>> I got your paper for you too.
2828
01:21:06,629 --> 01:21:07,630
Would you like me to
2829
01:21:07,663 --> 01:21:11,534
read it for you? No?
2830
01:21:11,567 --> 01:21:12,969
Oh, and I got your bowling ball
2831
01:21:13,002 --> 01:21:14,437
out for you, and I got it all
2832
01:21:14,470 --> 01:21:15,671
shined up. I thought maybe you
2833
01:21:15,704 --> 01:21:17,340
and Ed might want to go bowling
2834
01:21:17,373 --> 01:21:19,442
later. I shined up your bowling
2835
01:21:19,475 --> 01:21:21,377
shoes for you too. Are you
2836
01:21:21,410 --> 01:21:24,280
comfy, sweetums? ( giggles )
2837
01:21:24,313 --> 01:21:25,381
Oh, and by the way...
2838
01:21:25,414 --> 01:21:29,152
>> Aha! Aha! "By the way,"
2839
01:21:29,185 --> 01:21:30,253
huh? All right, what's
2840
01:21:30,286 --> 01:21:30,954
"by the way"?
2841
01:21:30,987 --> 01:21:32,688
>> All right, Ralph. The Nortons
2842
01:21:32,721 --> 01:21:34,123
are getting a new television
2843
01:21:34,157 --> 01:21:35,358
set, and I was just thinking,
2844
01:21:35,391 --> 01:21:36,960
why don't we get one too?
2845
01:21:36,993 --> 01:21:37,593
>> We've been through this
2846
01:21:37,626 --> 01:21:39,228
before, and I'm not buying
2847
01:21:39,262 --> 01:21:40,363
a television set.
2848
01:21:40,396 --> 01:21:41,697
>> Ed Norton makes the same
2849
01:21:41,730 --> 01:21:43,332
money you do. And you know what
2850
01:21:43,366 --> 01:21:44,367
they have? They have a washing
2851
01:21:44,400 --> 01:21:45,401
machine. They have a vacuum
2852
01:21:45,434 --> 01:21:46,669
cleaner. They have a television
2853
01:21:46,702 --> 01:21:47,536
set. They even have
2854
01:21:47,570 --> 01:21:49,205
an electric stove.
2855
01:21:49,238 --> 01:21:51,540
>> You're right, Alice. They got
2856
01:21:51,574 --> 01:21:52,708
all those things, and they got
2857
01:21:52,741 --> 01:21:53,943
one more thing that we
2858
01:21:53,977 --> 01:21:55,511
ain't got-- worries.
2859
01:21:55,544 --> 01:21:56,179
>> ( laughter )
2860
01:21:56,212 --> 01:21:57,413
>> And you want to know why,
2861
01:21:57,446 --> 01:21:58,948
Alice? Because every week,
2862
01:21:58,982 --> 01:22:00,183
Norton has to go down there
2863
01:22:00,216 --> 01:22:01,617
and pay for those things.
2864
01:22:01,650 --> 01:22:03,052
Well, I got peace of mind,
2865
01:22:03,086 --> 01:22:04,420
Alice. That's what I got.
2866
01:22:04,453 --> 01:22:06,189
And I'm socking my money away.
2867
01:22:06,222 --> 01:22:07,490
You know what it is now?
2868
01:22:07,523 --> 01:22:09,158
It's going up, up, up!
2869
01:22:09,192 --> 01:22:11,127
>> ( laughter )
2870
01:22:11,160 --> 01:22:13,997
>> We got $75 laying around
2871
01:22:14,030 --> 01:22:16,432
here. $75. And he's got all
2872
01:22:16,465 --> 01:22:17,700
that stuff, but I got mine
2873
01:22:17,733 --> 01:22:19,735
right here!
2874
01:22:19,768 --> 01:22:22,438
>> Yeah. You got it here,
2875
01:22:22,471 --> 01:22:24,440
and you got it right here,
2876
01:22:24,473 --> 01:22:27,110
and you got it right here!
2877
01:22:27,143 --> 01:22:29,345
>> ( laughter )
2878
01:22:29,378 --> 01:22:31,514
>> ( grumbles ) You know,
2879
01:22:31,547 --> 01:22:32,748
I hope they love those jokes
2880
01:22:32,781 --> 01:22:34,183
on the Moon, 'cause that's where
2881
01:22:34,217 --> 01:22:36,452
you're going, Alice. Bang! Zoom!
2882
01:22:36,485 --> 01:22:38,087
I don't want to hear no more
2883
01:22:38,121 --> 01:22:39,088
about the television set.
2884
01:22:39,122 --> 01:22:39,755
That's it!
2885
01:22:39,788 --> 01:22:41,457
>> I want a television set,
2886
01:22:41,490 --> 01:22:42,425
and I'm going to get
2887
01:22:42,458 --> 01:22:43,692
a television set. I want
2888
01:22:43,726 --> 01:22:45,161
to look at Liberace!
2889
01:22:45,194 --> 01:22:46,562
>> ( laughter )
2890
01:22:46,595 --> 01:22:47,596
>> Well, why don't you get
2891
01:22:47,630 --> 01:22:48,731
Liberace to buy you
2892
01:22:48,764 --> 01:22:52,335
the television set?
2893
01:22:52,368 --> 01:22:53,202
>> Take me to your--
2894
01:22:53,236 --> 01:22:56,005
>> Bah! Will you take
2895
01:22:56,039 --> 01:22:57,440
that off, Norton!
2896
01:22:57,473 --> 01:22:59,075
>> Space Ranger, third class, in
2897
01:22:59,108 --> 01:23:01,544
the Captain Video Space Academy.
2898
01:23:01,577 --> 01:23:03,512
Official space helmet off,
2899
01:23:03,546 --> 01:23:04,680
O Captain Video,
2900
01:23:04,713 --> 01:23:06,249
wherever you are.
2901
01:23:06,282 --> 01:23:08,551
>> You are nuts, Norton. You
2902
01:23:08,584 --> 01:23:10,553
know that? You're nuts. You have
2903
01:23:10,586 --> 01:23:12,155
any idea of the problems you're
2904
01:23:12,188 --> 01:23:13,489
causing for me? Do you?
2905
01:23:13,522 --> 01:23:14,657
>> I don't know, Ralph. Maybe
2906
01:23:14,690 --> 01:23:16,092
it's time you did something nice
2907
01:23:16,125 --> 01:23:18,461
for Alice for a change.
2908
01:23:18,494 --> 01:23:20,029
>> Do something nice for Alice?
2909
01:23:20,063 --> 01:23:21,330
Why don't you look around?
2910
01:23:21,364 --> 01:23:23,199
>> ( laughter )
2911
01:23:23,232 --> 01:23:24,433
>> Why, you got to face it,
2912
01:23:24,467 --> 01:23:25,468
Ralph. This place is no
2913
01:23:25,501 --> 01:23:28,304
Taj Mahal. Just buy her a TV set
2914
01:23:28,337 --> 01:23:29,772
and put it right there.
2915
01:23:39,148 --> 01:23:41,084
>> Get out! Get out! Get out!
2916
01:23:41,117 --> 01:23:42,518
>> Come up to my place later
2917
01:23:42,551 --> 01:23:43,552
and watch Captain Video
2918
01:23:43,586 --> 01:23:44,220
blast off for Pluto!
2919
01:23:44,253 --> 01:23:47,323
>> Get out, Norton! Get out!
2920
01:23:47,356 --> 01:23:49,792
>> ( laughter )
2921
01:23:49,825 --> 01:23:52,628
>> ( band playing )
2922
01:24:07,476 --> 01:24:10,546
>> Wow! Thanks!
2923
01:24:11,747 --> 01:24:13,382
Thank you, everybody.
2924
01:24:13,416 --> 01:24:14,450
How about a hand for
2925
01:24:14,483 --> 01:24:16,085
Art Carney, Joyce Randolph,
2926
01:24:16,119 --> 01:24:16,785
Audrey Meadows?
2927
01:24:16,819 --> 01:24:17,853
"The Honeymooners," ladies and
2928
01:24:17,886 --> 01:24:20,789
gentlemen. Fabulous. Thank you.
2929
01:24:44,447 --> 01:24:45,448
Thank you.
2930
01:24:51,187 --> 01:24:52,721
See you next week, everybody.
2931
01:24:52,755 --> 01:24:53,789
Good night.
2932
01:25:18,581 --> 01:25:20,483
>> Ralph: How can that be funny?
2933
01:25:20,516 --> 01:25:23,419
You have got no sense of humor.
2934
01:25:23,452 --> 01:25:25,321
>> Alice: Oh, yes, I do.
2935
01:25:25,354 --> 01:25:26,689
I married you, didn't I?
2936
01:25:26,722 --> 01:25:27,723
>> I'm the king around here.
2937
01:25:27,756 --> 01:25:28,424
You're nothing.
2938
01:25:28,457 --> 01:25:29,425
>> Ed: Ralph, maybe it's time
2939
01:25:29,458 --> 01:25:30,459
you did something nice
2940
01:25:30,493 --> 01:25:31,494
for Alice for a change.
2941
01:25:31,527 --> 01:25:32,761
>> Alice, don't you understand?
2942
01:25:32,795 --> 01:25:34,430
This is the biggest thing I ever
2943
01:25:34,463 --> 01:25:36,299
got into.
2944
01:25:36,332 --> 01:25:37,566
You're being a wisenheimer,
2945
01:25:37,600 --> 01:25:39,635
Alice. What do you think?
2946
01:25:42,605 --> 01:25:44,507
>> I think you're nuts.
2947
01:25:44,540 --> 01:25:46,375
>> I'm the man from space.
2948
01:25:46,409 --> 01:25:46,942
>> Alice: Hah!
2949
01:25:46,975 --> 01:25:49,812
>> Dah! What are you...
2950
01:25:49,845 --> 01:25:51,247
The trouble with you, you're not
2951
01:25:51,280 --> 01:25:52,348
up with the latest developments.
2952
01:25:52,381 --> 01:25:53,749
>> Who is it that lets out your
2953
01:25:53,782 --> 01:25:55,651
pants every other day?
2954
01:25:55,684 --> 01:25:58,254
>> ( chuckles )
2955
01:25:58,287 --> 01:26:01,624
>> Pray tell, who are you?
2956
01:26:01,657 --> 01:26:05,628
>> You are a blabbermouth!
2957
01:26:05,661 --> 01:26:07,663
I am the chef of the future.
2958
01:26:07,696 --> 01:26:09,198
( stammers )
2959
01:26:09,232 --> 01:26:12,601
You blabbermouth!
2960
01:26:12,635 --> 01:26:14,503
I wouldn't send a knight out
2961
01:26:14,537 --> 01:26:17,440
on a dog like this! ( laughs )
2962
01:26:17,473 --> 01:26:19,542
What a...
2963
01:26:19,575 --> 01:26:21,444
>> First, step up, plant your
2964
01:26:21,477 --> 01:26:23,312
feet firmly on the ground, and
2965
01:26:23,346 --> 01:26:25,581
address the ball. Hello, ball!
2966
01:26:25,614 --> 01:26:27,450
>> Norton, will you come on?!
2967
01:26:27,483 --> 01:26:28,917
I wouldn't send a knight out
2968
01:26:28,951 --> 01:26:30,386
on a dog like this!
2969
01:26:30,419 --> 01:26:31,287
Don't you get it?
2970
01:26:31,320 --> 01:26:32,455
>> No, I don't get it.
2971
01:26:32,488 --> 01:26:34,490
I don't think it's funny.
2972
01:26:34,523 --> 01:26:35,524
>> When did you ever
2973
01:26:35,558 --> 01:26:36,158
catch anything?
2974
01:26:36,191 --> 01:26:39,428
>> 15 years ago. I caught
2975
01:26:39,462 --> 01:26:42,531
300 pounds of blubber.
2976
01:26:42,565 --> 01:26:43,399
>> You have got
2977
01:26:43,432 --> 01:26:44,400
no sense of humor.
2978
01:26:44,433 --> 01:26:45,768
>> Well, I married you,
2979
01:26:45,801 --> 01:26:47,370
didn't I?
2980
01:26:47,403 --> 01:26:48,937
Who needs food? We can live
2981
01:26:48,971 --> 01:26:52,508
on love, killer. I call you
2982
01:26:52,541 --> 01:26:54,410
killer, 'cause you slay me.
2983
01:26:54,443 --> 01:26:56,312
>> And I'm calling Bellevue,
2984
01:26:56,345 --> 01:26:57,780
'cause you're nuts.
2985
01:26:57,813 --> 01:26:59,548
>> All right, Ralph, I'm just
2986
01:26:59,582 --> 01:27:01,517
trying to be like Rita, the kind
2987
01:27:01,550 --> 01:27:02,551
of girl you admire.
2988
01:27:02,585 --> 01:27:03,786
>> The only reason why I was
2989
01:27:03,819 --> 01:27:05,254
throwing the charm on Rita is
2990
01:27:05,288 --> 01:27:05,888
because her husband Bert
2991
01:27:05,921 --> 01:27:06,789
is the general manager
2992
01:27:06,822 --> 01:27:07,490
of the depot.
2993
01:27:07,523 --> 01:27:09,258
>> Well, that may explain you
2994
01:27:09,292 --> 01:27:10,659
being so attentive to Rita,
2995
01:27:10,693 --> 01:27:11,760
Ralph, but it doesn't explain
2996
01:27:11,794 --> 01:27:13,562
something much more important.
2997
01:27:13,596 --> 01:27:15,464
It doesn't explain why in all
2998
01:27:15,498 --> 01:27:16,799
these years, you never once made
2999
01:27:16,832 --> 01:27:18,301
me feel like your sweetheart or
3000
01:27:18,334 --> 01:27:20,936
even noticed how I look. I wish
3001
01:27:20,969 --> 01:27:22,405
you had an explanation for that,
3002
01:27:22,438 --> 01:27:25,274
Ralph. Oh, how I wish you had
3003
01:27:25,308 --> 01:27:26,509
an explanation for that.
3004
01:27:26,542 --> 01:27:29,612
>> I do have an explanation.
3005
01:27:29,645 --> 01:27:33,449
I'm a mope. I love you,
3006
01:27:33,482 --> 01:27:37,453
sweetheart, honestly.
3007
01:27:37,486 --> 01:27:40,889
Baby, you're the greatest.
3008
01:27:40,923 --> 01:27:43,292
>> ( laughs ) Oh, Ralph.
3009
01:27:43,326 --> 01:27:44,560
>> When you see one of these
3010
01:27:44,593 --> 01:27:47,530
episodes, do you miss it?
3011
01:27:47,563 --> 01:27:51,534
>> Sometimes, if I see it.
3012
01:27:51,567 --> 01:27:54,337
>> Any regrets?
3013
01:27:54,370 --> 01:27:55,571
>> I sometimes wonder if
3014
01:27:55,604 --> 01:27:56,805
I should've done another season
3015
01:27:56,839 --> 01:27:59,575
of "The Honeymooners." And then
3016
01:27:59,608 --> 01:28:00,943
there's a part of me that felt
3017
01:28:00,976 --> 01:28:02,411
I played it right by going out
3018
01:28:02,445 --> 01:28:04,580
on top when I did. I wish I was
3019
01:28:04,613 --> 01:28:05,414
there more for my family
3020
01:28:05,448 --> 01:28:07,650
in those days, but I was
3021
01:28:07,683 --> 01:28:11,654
so driven, and I paid for it.
3022
01:28:11,687 --> 01:28:14,056
And unfortunately I'm sure they
3023
01:28:14,089 --> 01:28:17,059
did too. The good news is I got
3024
01:28:17,092 --> 01:28:18,594
the girl in the end, which is
3025
01:28:18,627 --> 01:28:20,596
rare for a buffoon, but Marilyn
3026
01:28:20,629 --> 01:28:21,830
and I worked it out, and we're
3027
01:28:21,864 --> 01:28:22,998
about to celebrate nine years
3028
01:28:23,031 --> 01:28:26,935
of bliss, if you will.
3029
01:28:26,969 --> 01:28:29,438
Anything else?
3030
01:28:29,472 --> 01:28:31,807
>> So, Jackie, are you
3031
01:28:31,840 --> 01:28:33,809
"The Great One"?
3032
01:28:33,842 --> 01:28:35,378
>> Well, I'll tell you what.
3033
01:28:35,411 --> 01:28:36,745
Let's go downstairs. We'll shoot
3034
01:28:36,779 --> 01:28:39,582
a little pool, and you tell me.
3035
01:28:39,615 --> 01:28:41,884
Bring your wallet.
3036
01:28:41,917 --> 01:28:45,053
Mmm. ( chuckles )
3037
01:28:50,493 --> 01:28:52,995
>> ( instrumental playing )
3038
01:28:53,045 --> 01:28:57,595
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