All language subtitles for Zombieland.Double.Tap.2019.HC.720p.HDRip.800MB.x264-GalaxyRG[COLORED]
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1
00:00:24,659 --> 00:00:29,659
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
2
00:00:35,834 --> 00:00:36,869
Hmph.
3
00:00:42,141 --> 00:00:43,807
Welcome to Zombieland.
4
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:48,779
Back for seconds?
After all this time?
5
00:00:48,781 --> 00:00:50,514
Well, what can I say,
but thank you.
6
00:00:50,516 --> 00:00:51,983
You have a lot of choices
7
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,852
when it comes to
zombie entertainment,
8
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,487
and we appreciate
you picking us.
9
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,953
So you know how Eskimos
10
00:00:56,955 --> 00:00:58,990
have a bunch of words for snow?
11
00:01:02,762 --> 00:01:05,362
The only reason we've survived
the last several years
12
00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:07,764
is we've gotten to know
our bloodthirsty enemies
13
00:01:07,766 --> 00:01:09,301
better than we know ourselves.
14
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:11,034
In the time since
we last saw you,
15
00:01:11,036 --> 00:01:12,770
zombies have evolved,
16
00:01:12,772 --> 00:01:14,504
so we've given them
different names.
17
00:01:15,908 --> 00:01:17,674
This lady here
is getting chased
18
00:01:17,676 --> 00:01:20,844
by the dumbest Z there is,
what we call a Homer.
19
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,248
In a world without YouTube,
20
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:26,885
who isn't entertained
by a Homer?
21
00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:31,158
D'oh!
22
00:01:41,366 --> 00:01:43,734
Unfortunately, for every Homer,
23
00:01:43,736 --> 00:01:47,037
there's a Hawking,
as in Stephen.
24
00:01:47,039 --> 00:01:49,874
Or maybe his slightly less
accomplished sister, Beatrix,
25
00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:51,909
who's still got some brains
left to figure shit out.
26
00:01:51,911 --> 00:01:52,942
Open, open!
27
00:02:15,667 --> 00:02:16,766
Clever girl.
28
00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:20,639
Okay. Last one.
29
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,476
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what was that?
30
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:25,543
Okay, all right.
Well, this time,
31
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:27,613
let's play Name That Zombie.
32
00:02:28,714 --> 00:02:29,682
Hello?
33
00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:33,486
Hello?
34
00:02:39,458 --> 00:02:42,425
The Ninja. Silent, deadly.
35
00:02:42,427 --> 00:02:44,896
The first thing you hear
is your own scream.
36
00:02:52,738 --> 00:02:57,442
You can imagine how thrilled we
were to crack the zombie code.
37
00:02:57,444 --> 00:03:01,444
But life is about more
than just survival.
38
00:03:01,446 --> 00:03:04,048
Ever since we were evicted
from our normal lives,
39
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:07,651
I'd been searching for a place
to put down roots.
40
00:03:07,653 --> 00:03:12,590
My old pal Tallahassee has this
saying, "Go big or go home."
41
00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:15,928
It's not his signature phrase,
but it did give me an idea.
42
00:03:16,995 --> 00:03:18,332
Why not go big...
43
00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:20,765
and go home?
44
00:03:49,662 --> 00:03:51,896
♪ End of passion play ♪
45
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,965
♪ Crumbling away ♪
46
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:58,302
♪ I'm your source
of self-destruction ♪
47
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,572
♪ Veins that pump with fear ♪
48
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,640
♪ Sucking darkest clear ♪
49
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:06,777
♪ Leading on
Your death's construction ♪
50
00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:09,146
♪ Taste me
You will see ♪
51
00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:11,015
♪ More is all you need ♪
52
00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:15,422
♪ You're dedicated to
How I'm killing you ♪
53
00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:22,596
♪ Come crawling faster ♪
54
00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:26,967
♪ Obey your master ♪
55
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:33,504
♪ Your life burns faster ♪
56
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:35,872
♪ Obey your master ♪
57
00:04:35,874 --> 00:04:38,074
♪ Master
Master of puppets ♪
58
00:04:38,076 --> 00:04:41,011
♪ I'm pulling your strings ♪
59
00:04:41,013 --> 00:04:44,815
♪ Twisting your mind
And smashing your dreams ♪
60
00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:47,884
♪ Blinded by me
You can't see a thing ♪
61
00:04:47,886 --> 00:04:51,021
♪ Just call my name
'Cause I'll hear you scream ♪
62
00:04:51,023 --> 00:04:53,290
♪ Master
Master ♪
63
00:04:53,292 --> 00:04:56,927
♪ Master of puppets
I'm pulling your strings ♪
64
00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:59,266
♪ Twisting your mind
and smashing your... ♪
65
00:05:01,033 --> 00:05:04,468
Hail to
the motherfucking chief.
66
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,538
There are worse places
67
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:08,906
to hang your hat.
68
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:10,742
Casa Blanca.
69
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,543
Wait, why does he get
to be president?
70
00:05:13,545 --> 00:05:15,947
I would have made
a damn fine president.
71
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:18,249
Kissed a few hands,
shook a few babies.
72
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,851
You would have brought
a real dignity to the office.
73
00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:22,786
- Thank you.
- You don't have what it takes.
74
00:05:22,788 --> 00:05:24,221
- I'll be president.
- Heh!
75
00:05:24,223 --> 00:05:26,456
And I nominate Little Rock
as my VP.
76
00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:28,425
So that means
I get to be president
77
00:05:28,427 --> 00:05:29,995
if you get killed by zombies.
78
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,661
That wasn't
what I was thinking
79
00:05:31,663 --> 00:05:34,232
when I offered you
the position, but yes.
80
00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:36,800
I have this rule:
81
00:05:36,802 --> 00:05:38,435
Enjoy the little things.
82
00:05:38,437 --> 00:05:40,536
Which is what we spent
a lot of time doing
83
00:05:40,538 --> 00:05:42,439
in those early days
at the White House.
84
00:05:42,441 --> 00:05:44,074
And it was a really
special time,
85
00:05:44,076 --> 00:05:45,643
making a house our home.
86
00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:51,115
♪ Happy birthday to... ♪
87
00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:54,485
Shooting up, not to.
All right. Nice!
88
00:05:58,090 --> 00:06:01,658
Wichita and I fell into
our own version of domestic bliss.
89
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:05,764
Well, not quite bliss,
but domesticity to be sure.
90
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,497
Did Abe's blindfold
fall off again?
91
00:06:07,499 --> 00:06:09,533
No, it did not fall off.
I took it off.
92
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,802
It's so creepy.
He stares at us all night.
93
00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:13,670
That stare emancipated
the slaves,
94
00:06:13,672 --> 00:06:15,173
and ended the Civil War.
95
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:17,175
We should be grateful
he's gawking at us.
96
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,843
Remember what happened the last
time you took the blindfold off?
97
00:06:19,845 --> 00:06:21,946
You made me sleep
on the Lincoln couch?
98
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,316
Mm-hm.
99
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:31,021
- Is that better?
- Much better.
100
00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:32,488
Good.
101
00:06:32,490 --> 00:06:35,326
I love you so much, baby.
102
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:38,995
You are so gorgeous.
103
00:06:38,997 --> 00:06:41,165
We really need
to find you someone.
104
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:42,966
That's where you're wrong.
105
00:06:42,968 --> 00:06:45,870
Any romance left in me
belongs to the Beast here.
106
00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:49,175
Okay. Well, then we need
to find someone for me.
107
00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:53,444
Heh, heh, heh,
shouldn't be a problem,
108
00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:55,480
long as you're open
to dating zombies.
109
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:58,649
So you're saying what? I'm
never gonna find a boyfriend,
110
00:06:58,651 --> 00:07:00,851
or get married, have a family?
111
00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:05,723
We're you family, so one
out of three ain't bad.
112
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:08,692
Little Rock had a
strong desire to leave the nest.
113
00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:10,427
And let's just say Tallahassee
114
00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:12,663
wasn't the most understanding
father figure.
115
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:13,964
Little Rock!
116
00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:15,398
But for better or worse,
117
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,867
we were a family.
118
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:18,802
And for the first time
since the virus,
119
00:07:18,804 --> 00:07:20,737
we were living somewhere
truly safe,
120
00:07:20,739 --> 00:07:23,910
making every day feel like...
Well, like Christmas morning.
121
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:27,948
Hello? Ho-ho-ho!
122
00:07:29,047 --> 00:07:30,615
Merry Christmas!
123
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,283
- Hey, Tal.
- Santa.
124
00:07:33,285 --> 00:07:36,187
What would you like for
Christmas, little girl? A pony?
125
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:39,023
I'd like you to stop calling me
"little girl."
126
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:42,259
Well, technically, you are
little and you're a girl.
127
00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:46,062
I am not a little girl, but
do you know what I would like?
128
00:07:46,064 --> 00:07:48,333
I don't give a fuck
what you'd like.
129
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,401
Not to
sound too sentimental,
130
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:53,069
but those days
at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
131
00:07:53,071 --> 00:07:55,339
may have been the best days
of my life,
132
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:57,076
and that's counting pre-Z.
133
00:07:59,078 --> 00:08:01,045
Wait a second.
134
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,413
Oh, my God. No.
135
00:08:03,415 --> 00:08:06,917
A first-edition Tolkien,
and you wrote in it.
136
00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:10,053
There's my name, marring this
perfectly preserved paper.
137
00:08:10,055 --> 00:08:11,721
Thank you. And yours too.
138
00:08:11,723 --> 00:08:14,893
You didn't stop.
Thank you so much.
139
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,927
It's a bit touching.
140
00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:19,396
Hey, you know, I couldn't
find any wrapping paper,
141
00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:21,632
but don't worry about it.
Just tear it open.
142
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:24,268
It doesn't matter.
It's only Taft.
143
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,704
He was our fattest president,
so there's a lot left over
144
00:08:27,706 --> 00:08:29,706
if you need some wrapping paper.
145
00:08:29,708 --> 00:08:32,011
Columbus, I didn't get
anything from you.
146
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:36,179
Just what I wanted.
Another gun.
147
00:08:36,181 --> 00:08:40,317
Oh, hey, well, not just any gun.
A Colt .45.
148
00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:44,154
And not just any Colt .45.
The King's.
149
00:08:44,156 --> 00:08:48,292
- England? Denmark? Lichtenstein?
- There's only one king.
150
00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:52,332
Elvis Aaron fucking Presley,
the greatest who ever lived.
151
00:08:53,365 --> 00:08:55,099
The king of kings.
152
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:58,269
He gave this gun to Nixon
when he visited the White House,
153
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:02,240
and I give it to you,
locked and loaded.
154
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:05,676
Yeah, he used to shoot
that Colt in his backyard.
155
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,610
King's palace,
Memphis, Tennessee.
156
00:09:07,612 --> 00:09:10,081
- I tell you about Graceland?
- Only a hundred times.
157
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,816
We'll go there
together someday.
158
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:14,085
Actually, I'm gonna go
shoot this right now.
159
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:17,288
I think I saw some Zs
down by the reflecting pool.
160
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,023
- I'll go with.
- I'll go by myself.
161
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:21,625
- It's Christmas.
- It's not fucking Christmas.
162
00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:22,661
It's November 17th.
163
00:09:24,663 --> 00:09:27,030
Little Rock was on the
hunt, all right,
164
00:09:27,032 --> 00:09:28,599
for people her own age.
165
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:30,467
And the thing is,
they were out there.
166
00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:32,836
We just made it a point
to keep our distance.
167
00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:35,507
Which would suck if you
were the one stuck in the nest.
168
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:42,913
God, this is really terrifying,
but totally unrealistic.
169
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,481
Hm...
170
00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:45,684
Hey, she'll be fine.
171
00:09:47,319 --> 00:09:49,887
Wish she didn't remind me
so much of me.
172
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:51,655
Hey, come on.
What's wrong with you?
173
00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:54,894
Nothing.
174
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,865
All right.
I wasn't gonna do this now.
175
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:06,637
Okay. Look, you always say that,
like, I play it too safe,
176
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:09,873
and I know we've been in,
like, a bit of a rut lately.
177
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:14,214
So I thought, what better way
to spice things up than to...
178
00:10:18,883 --> 00:10:20,583
Get married?
179
00:10:20,585 --> 00:10:23,153
Yeah, well, I was gonna
say, "Get married!" Yay!
180
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:26,023
- Is that the Hope diamond?
- I certainly hope it is.
181
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:28,558
I want you to be Miss Ohio.
Or I guess Mrs. Ohio.
182
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,927
This is unfair.
You know how I feel about this.
183
00:10:30,929 --> 00:10:32,562
- What?
- We've talked about this.
184
00:10:32,564 --> 00:10:35,600
In my limited, but absurdly
painful experience,
185
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,734
married people only do
one thing.
186
00:10:37,736 --> 00:10:40,604
- What, fight? We already do that.
- Get divorced.
187
00:10:40,606 --> 00:10:42,373
I don't see us going that route.
188
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,541
I mean, where would
we find the lawyers?
189
00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:49,580
- I don't know what to say.
- Well, don't say anything. Yet.
190
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:52,950
- Okay? This was my fault.
- I put you on the spot.
191
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:56,485
Just think about it, and let me
know whenever you're ready.
192
00:10:56,487 --> 00:10:59,525
Everything will work out
exactly as it's supposed to.
193
00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:17,475
Hey, Buttercup. What's wrong?
194
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:20,110
Get a little too much eggnog
last night?
195
00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:22,712
- Bad news.
- Bad news?
196
00:11:22,714 --> 00:11:26,149
Well, you know what cancels out
bad news? Good news.
197
00:11:26,151 --> 00:11:28,384
Today is the day
that Wichita says...
198
00:11:28,386 --> 00:11:29,787
Adios.
199
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:30,824
Hm?
200
00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:38,596
"Dear C and T, we feel
like total shit about leaving.
201
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:40,800
Sorry, not good at notes.
W and LR."
202
00:11:42,267 --> 00:11:44,201
Well, yeah.
"Not good at notes"
203
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:46,139
is a pretty huge understatement.
204
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,307
He's gonna take
this Beast thing pretty hard.
205
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:53,543
Well, he should learn
to not get so attached.
206
00:11:53,545 --> 00:11:55,346
Never get attached.
Remember?
207
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:57,047
That was the problem
with Columbus,
208
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:58,282
he got too attached.
209
00:11:58,284 --> 00:11:59,884
Well, with Tallahassee,
it's like
210
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,451
- he thinks he's my dad.
- Sure.
211
00:12:01,453 --> 00:12:03,653
But you are lucky
you don't have a boyfriend.
212
00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:05,789
Have you seen him
use Q-tips?
213
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:08,457
His bedtime routine
took an hour.
214
00:12:08,459 --> 00:12:10,327
- Stop.
- What? God, sorry.
215
00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:12,596
- No, stop! Stop!
- Oh!
216
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:19,905
Namaste.
217
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:23,575
Hi.
218
00:12:26,444 --> 00:12:29,712
Wichita leaving
hit me like a shotgun blast.
219
00:12:29,714 --> 00:12:32,282
So after weeks of feeling sorry
for myself,
220
00:12:32,284 --> 00:12:33,951
I thought a little
retail therapy
221
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:35,485
might help get her
off my mind.
222
00:12:35,487 --> 00:12:37,453
It's not like
I wanted to start,
223
00:12:37,455 --> 00:12:40,191
wedding planning or anything.
I'm not crazy.
224
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:42,759
Who wants to get married
in winter? Spring, sure.
225
00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:45,162
- Though my hair and humidity...
- Oh, my God!
226
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:48,231
Man, I cannot listen
to this shit anymore.
227
00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:51,434
- My God, it's been over a month.
- Yeah, I'm bereft.
228
00:12:51,436 --> 00:12:54,538
Okay, I'm giving you
one more day to mope around,
229
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:57,442
and then you gotta snap
the fuck out of it.
230
00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:01,445
This whole "finding a home" idea
of yours has made us soft.
231
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,748
And by us, I mean you.
232
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:06,716
It's high time that we nut up
and hit the road again.
233
00:13:06,718 --> 00:13:07,850
And by we, I mean me.
234
00:13:07,852 --> 00:13:09,119
That's where I belong.
235
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,389
On my own. Lone wolf.
236
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:14,057
- You're welcome to tag along.
- But when they come back,
237
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:16,226
- we won't be here.
- They're never coming back!
238
00:13:20,565 --> 00:13:21,664
I got it.
239
00:13:21,666 --> 00:13:24,433
No, no, no, no, no, no.
240
00:13:24,435 --> 00:13:26,205
Okay. Uh...
241
00:13:31,242 --> 00:13:33,711
It was good. You shot
your alcohol with your gun.
242
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:48,558
Not bad, huh?
243
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:52,663
Hm, no. Not bad,
but definitely no ZKOTY.
244
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:56,299
ZKOTY,
that is "Zombie Kill of the Year."
245
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:58,668
Like a junkie in search
of a higher high,
246
00:13:58,670 --> 00:14:01,638
Tallahassee is no longer happy
with Zombie Kill of the Week.
247
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,407
Which, if you're keeping score,
248
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:05,743
just went to Dave Sanderman
of Riverside, Iowa.
249
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:08,177
You may wanna set down
the Milk Duds for this one.
250
00:14:08,179 --> 00:14:09,513
You dead, zombie!
251
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:13,616
Whoo-whee, pig!
252
00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:18,589
Congratulations, Dave.
253
00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:20,256
I never told you this before.
254
00:14:20,258 --> 00:14:22,626
In fact, I never told anybody.
255
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:29,232
But I have Native American blood
coursing through my veins.
256
00:14:29,234 --> 00:14:33,669
- Like, right now?
- Yeah. Right now.
257
00:14:33,671 --> 00:14:38,442
Blackfoot Indian to be exact.
The freest men in history.
258
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:41,110
Mid-1800s, roamed the plains,
259
00:14:41,112 --> 00:14:44,447
no houses, no laws,
no possessions,
260
00:14:44,449 --> 00:14:48,152
no chiefs to report to,
no wives to listen to.
261
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:49,255
They listened...
262
00:14:50,555 --> 00:14:52,556
to the call of the buffalo.
263
00:14:53,791 --> 00:14:55,325
And they hunted
those buffalo
264
00:14:55,327 --> 00:15:00,732
by herding them off the cliff
to their deaths.
265
00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:07,037
- The great buffalo jump.
- Whoa.
266
00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:10,907
I don't know why I never told
anyone about my Blackfoot blood.
267
00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:13,644
I guess it's
a sacred little secret.
268
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,346
Honestly, you're
the first paleface
269
00:15:16,348 --> 00:15:18,181
I have genuinely trusted
270
00:15:18,183 --> 00:15:20,350
because you've always
been there for me.
271
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:22,818
You care and you listen.
You really listen...
272
00:15:22,820 --> 00:15:24,721
Unless
you're in a 4D theater,
273
00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:26,956
there is no way
I can communicate
274
00:15:26,958 --> 00:15:28,392
how bad Z-land smells,
275
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:30,827
which is why I like candles
so much.
276
00:15:30,829 --> 00:15:32,830
Today, maybe
a frosty gingerbread
277
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,398
or a Bahama breeze.
278
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:35,698
Mmm.
279
00:15:36,801 --> 00:15:38,302
Whoa!
280
00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:41,738
Oh, my God! Please forgive me.
It's fake fur!
281
00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:44,073
Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
I thought you were a...
282
00:15:44,075 --> 00:15:46,243
- You thought I was a zombie?
- Yeah. Of course.
283
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:48,111
Oh, my God, no.
I don't even eat meat.
284
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:51,115
I'm a vegetarian.
Vegan, actually. Heh.
285
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:54,918
- Sorry. Hi, I'm Columbus.
- Madison. Heh-heh.
286
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,387
- Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
287
00:15:57,389 --> 00:16:00,057
All right. We're hugging.
So soon. Nice to meet you.
288
00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:02,426
It's nice
to touch a human.
289
00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:03,894
- Don't mind me.
- Oh, hello.
290
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,629
If I can have my body?
Hi, sorry.
291
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,464
This is Tallahassee.
This is Madison.
292
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,234
- Madison, Tallahassee.
- Is this your dad?
293
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:14,705
For shit's sake, slightly older,
better-looking friend.
294
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,972
- Ha, ha, cute.
- You live here?
295
00:16:16,974 --> 00:16:21,412
No, Paul Blart. I live in the
freezer in Pinkberry, mm-hm.
296
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:24,681
It keeps the zombies out,
though it is awfully chilly.
297
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:28,251
Do you ever consider
turning it off?
298
00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:30,421
Couldn't find the switch
anywhere.
299
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,522
Just hoping the electricity
would run out.
300
00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:35,592
It's amazing. As long as it
rains, the dams give us power.
301
00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:37,162
Apparently not brain power.
302
00:16:39,564 --> 00:16:41,465
I feel like
you're being super judgy.
303
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:45,469
Like, I'm getting
a real anti-me vibe off of you.
304
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:47,437
- Are you?
- Oh, my God. There it was again.
305
00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:49,605
- Yeah, I saw it.
- And that's hurtful, okay?
306
00:16:49,607 --> 00:16:51,807
I'm, like, really good
at surviving.
307
00:16:51,809 --> 00:16:54,177
I carry a can of mace
with me everywhere I go.
308
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,679
And I can run really, really,
really, really fast.
309
00:16:56,681 --> 00:16:59,417
Probably because I used to do
hot yoga and SoulCycle.
310
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:02,586
Cardio! Sorry, I do
a lot of cardio too.
311
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:05,922
It's actually my number one
rule, which is so dorky.
312
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,592
But I have a list of rules
for surviving Zombieland.
313
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:09,626
- Really?
- Yeah.
314
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,494
- So do I!
- You have rules
315
00:17:11,496 --> 00:17:13,829
- for surviving Zombieland?
- Mine is just mostly
316
00:17:13,831 --> 00:17:15,598
- stay in the freezer.
- Oh.
317
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,434
You know, we set up camp,
318
00:17:18,436 --> 00:17:20,436
like, down the road
at the White House.
319
00:17:21,773 --> 00:17:23,307
The White House?
Oh, my God.
320
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:24,840
Would you wanna come hang out?
321
00:17:24,842 --> 00:17:26,644
- I would love that.
- Cool.
322
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,612
Okay. How many rules
do you have?
323
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:31,748
- You wanna know about my rules?
- I wanna hear all of them.
324
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:35,085
- Well, number two is double tap.
- Double tap.
325
00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:37,988
- Double tap, yes.
- Double tap you.
326
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,691
- You got me. I'm murdered.
- Ha-ha-ha.
327
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:43,125
Okay, yeah,
I know what you're thinking.
328
00:17:43,127 --> 00:17:44,862
She's absolutely not my type.
329
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,762
But after Wichita
broke my heart,
330
00:17:46,764 --> 00:17:48,766
I was just excited
to talk to somebody
331
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:51,669
who smelled like a candle,
and not whiskey and gunpowder.
332
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:53,336
So Wichita and
Little Rock left.
333
00:17:53,338 --> 00:17:55,838
It was just us guys again.
You know, bachelors.
334
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:58,407
This guy. You know,
making a mess.
335
00:17:58,409 --> 00:18:02,913
Which actually brings me
to rule number 53, Wet-Naps.
336
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,749
- Wow.
- Yeah.
337
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:08,684
I can't believe that you keep
all this stuff in your head.
338
00:18:08,686 --> 00:18:09,752
Heh, thank you.
339
00:18:09,754 --> 00:18:11,422
- It's amazing.
- Thank you.
340
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,823
- You know, you're really lucky.
- What?
341
00:18:13,825 --> 00:18:17,827
That you found someone so smart
to take care of you.
342
00:18:17,829 --> 00:18:21,265
Most people your age,
they get left all by themselves,
343
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,400
and that can be so sad.
344
00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:26,869
- Yeah. I am so lucky.
- Oh!
345
00:18:28,473 --> 00:18:30,907
Can we have a little summit
in the Oval Office?
346
00:18:30,909 --> 00:18:31,974
Yeah, sure.
347
00:18:31,976 --> 00:18:33,710
You guys, I can't believe
348
00:18:33,712 --> 00:18:37,480
we're in the White House.
This is soy random.
349
00:18:37,482 --> 00:18:40,483
You got to broom this girl.
You know why she's still alive?
350
00:18:40,485 --> 00:18:43,721
Because zombies eat brains,
and she ain't got any!
351
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:45,255
All right? It doesn't matter
352
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:47,391
because I'm hitting
the road come sunup.
353
00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:48,991
- Columbus?
- Yes?
354
00:18:48,993 --> 00:18:50,760
Could you maybe give me a tour?
355
00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:54,230
Whoa, this is the Oval Office.
356
00:18:54,232 --> 00:18:56,032
Why do they call it that?
357
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,202
- You ready?
- You ready?
358
00:19:00,204 --> 00:19:01,604
- I'm ready too.
- I'm ready.
359
00:19:01,606 --> 00:19:02,575
- Great.
- Too.
360
00:19:04,976 --> 00:19:06,477
- Let's go.
- He's kind of funny.
361
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,578
Yeah, he's great.
Try not to speak to him.
362
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:09,779
Okay.
363
00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:11,815
The main attraction.
364
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,450
Ta-da, the Lincoln bedroom.
365
00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:15,885
Believe it or not,
Lincoln never even slept here.
366
00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:18,454
I didn't actually
want a tour, silly.
367
00:19:18,456 --> 00:19:20,156
- What? Oh.
- Hi.
368
00:19:20,158 --> 00:19:21,458
Hi.
369
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:22,726
Mm-mm, mm-mm.
370
00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:25,161
- What's the matter?
- I don't know.
371
00:19:25,163 --> 00:19:28,031
- Don't you think that I'm pretty?
- Yes, you're very pretty.
372
00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:30,901
You're like, "Girl
in Apartment 406" pretty.
373
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,135
I just... I feel
kind of guilty.
374
00:19:33,137 --> 00:19:35,739
Because of Jesus?
375
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:37,343
I know ways around that.
376
00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:44,413
- No, no. I... Please. I can't.
- Okay, look,
377
00:19:44,415 --> 00:19:46,316
I've been alone in a freezer
for years.
378
00:19:46,318 --> 00:19:48,152
So either we're doing
this right now,
379
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:52,088
or I am biting the bullet,
and I am doing the old guy.
380
00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:53,024
Okay.
381
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,492
God! You're so hot!
Oh my God!
382
00:19:56,494 --> 00:19:58,994
- It's the humidity.
- Oh, yes!
383
00:20:03,534 --> 00:20:04,569
Holy...
384
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:09,440
Nutting up, definitely
not shutting up.
385
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,644
Yeah!
386
00:20:25,456 --> 00:20:28,124
- Aah! Oh, shit!
- Oh! Whoa!
387
00:20:28,126 --> 00:20:30,626
Sorry, it's Washington's
old flintlock.
388
00:20:30,628 --> 00:20:33,328
It's a gift to Eisenhower
from the emperor of Japan.
389
00:20:33,330 --> 00:20:34,530
Oh, touché.
390
00:20:34,532 --> 00:20:35,999
- I heard a strange noise.
- Yeah.
391
00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:38,134
I've been hearing
some strange noises too.
392
00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:40,369
Oh, yeah. That was us
having sex.
393
00:20:40,371 --> 00:20:42,838
Rule number one.
394
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:46,175
Yeah, maybe rule number 32
for her.
395
00:20:46,177 --> 00:20:47,213
What? Hey.
396
00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:50,049
Okay. Ready?
397
00:20:51,482 --> 00:20:53,516
- Go!
- Okay, let's go. Come on.
398
00:20:53,518 --> 00:20:56,222
Oh, fuck. Shit.
399
00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:00,891
- Honey, I'm home.
- Oh, my God, you're back.
400
00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:03,093
I mean, you're back
or whatever. That's cool.
401
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,095
I'm not staying.
I came to get weapons.
402
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,329
At 1:00 in the morning?
403
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:07,632
Yeah, after a month missing.
404
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:11,034
Little Rock's gone.
405
00:21:23,848 --> 00:21:27,217
It was great. It felt so good
to be on the move again.
406
00:21:27,219 --> 00:21:31,387
We've been having a really
good time here too. Together.
407
00:21:31,389 --> 00:21:35,025
We picked up someone new.
Just a boy.
408
00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:37,394
He's a couple years older
than Little Rock,
409
00:21:37,396 --> 00:21:38,595
and he's from Berkeley.
410
00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:40,663
- Berkeley?
- Mm-hm.
411
00:21:40,665 --> 00:21:42,098
♪ Don't worry about a thing ♪
412
00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:44,067
- You said Berkeley?
- Yes.
413
00:21:44,069 --> 00:21:47,203
Berke-fucking-ley?
414
00:21:47,205 --> 00:21:51,008
- ♪ 'Cause every little thing ♪
- He plays the guitar.
415
00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:52,375
Shut the fuck up right now!
416
00:21:52,377 --> 00:21:54,178
I know what you're about
to tell me.
417
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:56,546
She's dating a musician!
418
00:21:56,548 --> 00:22:00,453
Come on, don't you think you're,
like, overreacting a little bit?
419
00:22:03,055 --> 00:22:06,123
Yeah. Yeah. No, I could be
overreacting.
420
00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:07,859
I'm... I'm sorry.
You're right.
421
00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:10,559
You go ahead.
422
00:22:10,561 --> 00:22:12,962
And he's a pacifist.
423
00:22:12,964 --> 00:22:15,399
He has survived
on a strict policy
424
00:22:15,401 --> 00:22:17,770
of conflict avoidance,
like Gandhi.
425
00:22:18,936 --> 00:22:22,271
No!
426
00:22:22,273 --> 00:22:23,940
No!
427
00:22:23,942 --> 00:22:27,344
Birkenstocks, sandals,
wheatgrass!
428
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:29,578
Fucking basketballs!
429
00:22:38,057 --> 00:22:41,657
No, I really... I have
nothing against pacifists.
430
00:22:41,659 --> 00:22:45,461
I just wanna beat
the shit out of them.
431
00:22:45,463 --> 00:22:51,102
♪ This is my message to you ♪
432
00:22:54,072 --> 00:22:58,607
Wow, I mean...
You have a beautiful voice.
433
00:22:58,609 --> 00:23:01,477
- Thank you very much. Thank you.
- Yeah.
434
00:23:01,479 --> 00:23:05,981
Hey, have you ever heard
of this place, Graceland?
435
00:23:05,983 --> 00:23:09,185
Elvis was a fraud.
He ripped off the black man.
436
00:23:09,187 --> 00:23:13,824
Oh. I... I don't know. I've just
always wanted to go there.
437
00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:16,326
Yeah, me too. Yeah.
438
00:23:16,328 --> 00:23:21,464
- Graceland would be cool.
- Yeah. Yeah, it would be.
439
00:23:21,466 --> 00:23:23,499
I was adamant
it was a dumb idea,
440
00:23:23,501 --> 00:23:27,136
so I did what I never do
with her, I told her no.
441
00:23:27,138 --> 00:23:29,038
You can guess
what happened next.
442
00:23:33,511 --> 00:23:37,683
She left a note,
and then she hit the road.
443
00:23:42,988 --> 00:23:48,024
Does anyone else
get the irony in that? Huh?
444
00:23:48,026 --> 00:23:50,661
I'm so worried, you guys.
445
00:23:50,663 --> 00:23:52,229
They're traveling
all that way,
446
00:23:52,231 --> 00:23:54,130
and all they have
is a fucking guitar.
447
00:23:54,132 --> 00:23:56,866
Yeah, with no intention
of ever swinging it at anything.
448
00:23:56,868 --> 00:23:58,468
You know, because
he's a hippie.
449
00:23:58,470 --> 00:24:00,336
She's supposed to be
killing the dead,
450
00:24:00,338 --> 00:24:02,404
- not following them.
- Oh, God.
451
00:24:02,406 --> 00:24:04,339
There's something going on
out there.
452
00:24:04,341 --> 00:24:06,576
- What?
- Berkeley told us
453
00:24:06,578 --> 00:24:08,377
about this new kind of zombie
454
00:24:08,379 --> 00:24:10,881
that's stronger, and faster,
455
00:24:10,883 --> 00:24:14,517
and deadlier and better
adapted to the hunt.
456
00:24:14,519 --> 00:24:16,752
I'm sorry, but that
sounds totally made up.
457
00:24:16,754 --> 00:24:18,954
If you want us to come
with you, just ask us.
458
00:24:18,956 --> 00:24:21,457
Honestly, I just came back
for guns and ammunition.
459
00:24:21,459 --> 00:24:23,259
Come on. Stop begging.
We'll do it.
460
00:24:23,261 --> 00:24:24,928
You know, this is
all your fault.
461
00:24:24,930 --> 00:24:26,695
- Me?
- If you hadn't pushed her away...
462
00:24:26,697 --> 00:24:28,065
Well,
not exactly, no.
463
00:24:28,067 --> 00:24:29,432
I didn't just run
from him.
464
00:24:29,434 --> 00:24:30,770
She ran from you too.
465
00:24:32,436 --> 00:24:33,571
What?
466
00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:37,906
You... You mean well,
but you're...
467
00:24:37,908 --> 00:24:39,244
kind of overbearing.
468
00:24:40,444 --> 00:24:42,878
Oh, right.
I'm overbearing?
469
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,413
She's not a kid
anymore.
470
00:24:44,415 --> 00:24:46,382
Yeah, she's not a kid,
but I don't know,
471
00:24:46,384 --> 00:24:48,017
it sounds like
she needs us.
472
00:24:48,019 --> 00:24:50,155
Whatever.
We're gonna go get her.
473
00:24:51,255 --> 00:24:53,457
We ride at dawn.
474
00:24:53,459 --> 00:24:55,928
Once she's safe,
I'm going my own way.
475
00:24:58,730 --> 00:25:02,132
So no goodbye,
just like...
476
00:25:02,134 --> 00:25:04,134
- Yeah, I'm terrible at notes.
- A lame note.
477
00:25:04,136 --> 00:25:06,771
Yeah, I know. You mentioned
that in the note.
478
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,341
Uh, I, uh...
479
00:25:11,842 --> 00:25:15,179
I might have overreacted
a little bit.
480
00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:17,313
I mean, the proposal
kind of spooked me.
481
00:25:17,315 --> 00:25:18,748
Mm-hm.
482
00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:20,553
You know what
I'm trying to say.
483
00:25:22,253 --> 00:25:24,119
Oh, God. I'm sorry.
484
00:25:24,121 --> 00:25:26,189
You know how hard it is
for me to say that
485
00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:28,525
because I hate women
who are always apologizing
486
00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:30,926
for things they have
no reason to apologize for.
487
00:25:30,928 --> 00:25:35,867
But in this particular instance,
I actually am really sorry.
488
00:25:37,969 --> 00:25:41,104
Well, thank you.
That actually does mean a lot.
489
00:25:41,106 --> 00:25:43,339
I don't know.
Maybe this could be like a...
490
00:25:43,341 --> 00:25:44,944
Like a turning point for us.
491
00:25:46,011 --> 00:25:47,943
Yeah, maybe.
492
00:25:47,945 --> 00:25:50,814
Columbus,
you coming back to bed?
493
00:25:56,021 --> 00:25:57,153
Wow.
494
00:25:57,155 --> 00:25:59,321
Oh... Oh, boy.
495
00:25:59,323 --> 00:26:01,059
I mean, wow!
496
00:26:03,627 --> 00:26:08,067
Glad we had this little talk.
Real turning point.
497
00:26:10,034 --> 00:26:11,102
Hi.
498
00:26:13,838 --> 00:26:16,541
- Is that your sister?
- Oh, fuck.
499
00:26:21,046 --> 00:26:22,746
You definitely
don't need any help.
500
00:26:22,748 --> 00:26:23,913
- No, I've got it.
- Cool.
501
00:26:23,915 --> 00:26:25,382
The Beast is back.
502
00:26:25,384 --> 00:26:28,984
I cannot wait to get my hands
behind the...
503
00:26:28,986 --> 00:26:32,721
What the fuck?
504
00:26:32,723 --> 00:26:35,692
No, no, no, no, no.
505
00:26:35,694 --> 00:26:40,230
No way is that GD minivan
even sniffing at Graceland,
506
00:26:40,232 --> 00:26:43,833
home to perhaps
America's finest automobile,
507
00:26:43,835 --> 00:26:47,471
Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60.
508
00:26:47,473 --> 00:26:52,174
No. You know, it takes a real
man to drive a pink Cadillac.
509
00:26:53,377 --> 00:26:56,480
Might make that
a rule of my own.
510
00:26:56,482 --> 00:26:57,980
On second thought, fuck that,
511
00:26:57,982 --> 00:27:00,016
rules are for pussies.
Nothing personal.
512
00:27:00,018 --> 00:27:02,019
How could it not be?
That's my thing.
513
00:27:02,021 --> 00:27:03,752
Yeah, you're right.
It was personal.
514
00:27:03,754 --> 00:27:05,355
Yeah. It's gonna be okay.
515
00:27:05,357 --> 00:27:06,990
Even Tallahassee knows
516
00:27:06,992 --> 00:27:08,423
beggars can't be choosers.
517
00:27:08,425 --> 00:27:10,493
Vehicles with working batteries
and parts
518
00:27:10,495 --> 00:27:12,261
are way scarcer nowadays,
519
00:27:12,263 --> 00:27:14,763
thanks to years
of neglect and decline.
520
00:27:14,765 --> 00:27:15,932
Breakaway mirror.
521
00:27:15,934 --> 00:27:17,767
We can't be so picky anymore.
522
00:27:17,769 --> 00:27:19,969
- Clear.
- What? Oh, okay.
523
00:27:19,971 --> 00:27:21,903
- Booyah.
- Okay.
524
00:27:21,905 --> 00:27:23,341
Heh!
525
00:27:26,611 --> 00:27:29,045
- This never happened.
- I'll get the door.
526
00:27:29,047 --> 00:27:31,283
I got it.
I'm gonna lay in the back.
527
00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:34,549
- Oh, catch.
- Oh!
528
00:27:34,551 --> 00:27:37,286
Shoot. Heh, I got it!
529
00:27:37,288 --> 00:27:40,789
What in the butt?
530
00:27:40,791 --> 00:27:42,625
- Ah, shit.
- What?
531
00:27:42,627 --> 00:27:43,893
- Hi!
- Hi.
532
00:27:45,530 --> 00:27:47,096
Are we dropping her off
533
00:27:47,098 --> 00:27:48,798
at an animal shelter
or something?
534
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,098
She's a human being.
535
00:27:50,100 --> 00:27:52,101
We're not gonna
leave her here alone.
536
00:27:52,103 --> 00:27:55,038
We can't
just leave Columbus' girlfriend.
537
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:56,471
Okay.
538
00:27:56,473 --> 00:27:57,774
A minivan. Nice.
539
00:27:57,776 --> 00:27:59,107
I'm not gonna feel guilty.
540
00:27:59,109 --> 00:28:00,710
You left me in
the harshest way.
541
00:28:00,712 --> 00:28:01,912
You recovered quickly.
542
00:28:01,914 --> 00:28:03,913
- Well, thank you.
- Can you help me?
543
00:28:03,915 --> 00:28:05,414
- I got it.
- Okay.
544
00:28:05,416 --> 00:28:07,115
- It's just, like, heavy.
- No problem.
545
00:28:07,117 --> 00:28:08,884
- Thank you.
- Go ahead, get in.
546
00:28:08,886 --> 00:28:11,022
Okay. You are so nice.
547
00:28:19,130 --> 00:28:23,133
Ah, Makkapitew, Askuwheteau,
Sunukkuhkau...
548
00:28:23,135 --> 00:28:24,666
Is he having a seizure?
549
00:28:24,668 --> 00:28:27,135
I'm trying out
Blackfoot names,
550
00:28:27,137 --> 00:28:29,873
so full shushy or you
go back in your mall fridge.
551
00:28:29,875 --> 00:28:31,307
Okay.
552
00:28:31,309 --> 00:28:34,210
Oh, I didn't tell you.
We met at the mall.
553
00:28:34,212 --> 00:28:37,480
- Mm.
- Yeah. I was living there.
554
00:28:37,482 --> 00:28:39,383
Like Dawn of the Dead.
555
00:28:39,385 --> 00:28:42,852
Last I checked,
it's the post-acropolis.
556
00:28:42,854 --> 00:28:46,788
It was so sad when
the acropolis struck.
557
00:28:46,790 --> 00:28:48,325
Yeah, I know.
558
00:28:48,327 --> 00:28:50,692
Madison, can you remind me,
when we first met,
559
00:28:50,694 --> 00:28:52,827
did you point a gun at me
and steal my car?
560
00:28:52,829 --> 00:28:55,464
No. When we first met,
561
00:28:55,466 --> 00:28:57,800
I told you
you were really smart.
562
00:28:57,802 --> 00:29:01,503
- Oh, yeah.
- And then I slept with you.
563
00:29:01,505 --> 00:29:02,971
That's right. You did.
564
00:29:05,510 --> 00:29:08,443
Road trip! Here we go!
565
00:29:08,445 --> 00:29:10,680
This is gonna be a long drive.
566
00:29:19,723 --> 00:29:22,659
I love the smell of
gunpowder in the morning.
567
00:29:22,661 --> 00:29:25,130
Eh, I'm more of
a patchouli oil guy myself.
568
00:29:26,498 --> 00:29:30,499
You don't...
You don't have weed, do you?
569
00:29:30,501 --> 00:29:33,836
I've always wanted to smoke
way too much weed.
570
00:29:33,838 --> 00:29:35,438
Do I look like
the type of person
571
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,673
that would have weed on me?
572
00:29:37,675 --> 00:29:40,542
Oh, no. I w... That...
I'm sorry, that was...
573
00:29:40,544 --> 00:29:42,912
- Boom, yeah.
- Ha! Oh.
574
00:29:42,914 --> 00:29:45,382
- Of course I do. Oh, I love weed.
- You got me there.
575
00:29:45,384 --> 00:29:48,117
- Look. I mean, look at me.
- Yeah.
576
00:29:48,119 --> 00:29:53,191
I wanted to say it's really nice
to have another woman around.
577
00:29:54,893 --> 00:29:56,058
Yeah.
578
00:29:56,060 --> 00:29:59,228
Like to talk
about relationships.
579
00:29:59,230 --> 00:30:01,433
- Recipes.
- Rings.
580
00:30:02,532 --> 00:30:04,768
Oh, my God.
581
00:30:04,770 --> 00:30:06,371
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit.
582
00:30:07,871 --> 00:30:10,740
I know! I found it
in the bedside drawer.
583
00:30:10,742 --> 00:30:13,075
I think it belonged
to the first lady or...
584
00:30:13,077 --> 00:30:14,845
You know what?
I think you're right.
585
00:30:14,847 --> 00:30:17,712
It did belong
to the first lady.
586
00:30:17,714 --> 00:30:20,215
Well, I think it was given
to the first lady,
587
00:30:20,217 --> 00:30:21,916
but she heartlessly
rejected it.
588
00:30:21,918 --> 00:30:26,122
What kind of idiot would
turn down a ring like this?
589
00:30:26,124 --> 00:30:30,292
Maybe an idiot who didn't
wanna be weighed down.
590
00:30:30,294 --> 00:30:32,662
Anchored. Chained
to something immobile.
591
00:30:32,664 --> 00:30:33,762
Hmm...
592
00:30:36,734 --> 00:30:40,103
- Oh, shit. Are you okay?
- Oh, shoot!
593
00:30:40,105 --> 00:30:41,770
Forgot the seatbelt rule.
594
00:30:41,772 --> 00:30:44,106
So she knows the rules?
595
00:30:44,108 --> 00:30:45,907
Yeah, I told her
just a few of them.
596
00:30:45,909 --> 00:30:49,645
- Seventy-three. Are there more?
- Nope, that's it.
597
00:30:49,647 --> 00:30:51,780
- I gotta check this out.
- You guys have spent
598
00:30:51,782 --> 00:30:53,383
a lot of time together, huh?
599
00:30:53,385 --> 00:30:54,951
That's sweet.
600
00:30:54,953 --> 00:30:57,820
You're cute together.
I like it.
601
00:30:57,822 --> 00:30:59,654
Oh!
602
00:31:07,565 --> 00:31:08,834
This looks promising.
603
00:31:16,174 --> 00:31:18,807
He's so flexible.
604
00:31:18,809 --> 00:31:21,277
That's what's so great
about him. He's very bendy.
605
00:31:21,279 --> 00:31:23,645
Ohio, whenever
you're done with that...
606
00:31:23,647 --> 00:31:24,750
What? Yeah.
607
00:31:27,519 --> 00:31:28,951
Ah!
608
00:31:28,953 --> 00:31:30,486
What? No. No, no, no.
609
00:31:30,488 --> 00:31:31,854
No way. Nonstarter.
610
00:31:31,856 --> 00:31:33,888
You know how I feel
about clowns.
611
00:31:33,890 --> 00:31:35,791
- No, not that.
- What?
612
00:31:35,793 --> 00:31:38,162
- That.
- Oh.
613
00:31:40,132 --> 00:31:42,201
- Looks good.
- Mm.
614
00:31:43,367 --> 00:31:45,067
- Can I see?
- Hm?
615
00:31:45,069 --> 00:31:46,402
Can I see?
616
00:31:46,404 --> 00:31:49,471
Yeah. Here you go. Yeah.
617
00:31:52,510 --> 00:31:56,645
- The old man is so tiny.
- Can you see that?
618
00:31:58,015 --> 00:32:00,150
What's-his-name,
you're so tiny.
619
00:32:00,152 --> 00:32:01,518
Now you're not.
Now you are.
620
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:02,951
Now you're not. Now you are.
621
00:32:02,953 --> 00:32:05,121
Now you're not. Now you are.
Now you're not.
622
00:32:05,123 --> 00:32:07,021
Tiny. Big. Tiny!
623
00:32:07,023 --> 00:32:10,392
- She is adorable.
- She is. I'm lucky.
624
00:32:10,394 --> 00:32:12,295
Tiny. Big. Tiny.
625
00:32:13,999 --> 00:32:15,731
You're overreacting, okay?
626
00:32:15,733 --> 00:32:17,299
Madison's not
a real thing.
627
00:32:17,301 --> 00:32:20,068
It was just circumstance.
It was a lack of options.
628
00:32:20,070 --> 00:32:21,971
You could say
the same thing about us.
629
00:32:21,973 --> 00:32:24,640
- What?
- Circumstance, lack of options.
630
00:32:24,642 --> 00:32:26,175
Really? You really think that?
631
00:32:26,177 --> 00:32:28,010
Whereas you two seem
like soul mates.
632
00:32:28,012 --> 00:32:29,778
Destined to share
deep thoughts.
633
00:32:29,780 --> 00:32:32,115
Maybe you're right,
maybe we are soul mates.
634
00:32:32,117 --> 00:32:34,784
Because she's nice, all right?
And I'm nice.
635
00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:36,419
And you're not.
You're mean.
636
00:32:36,421 --> 00:32:39,422
- Whatever. I'm not mean.
- Yeah, you're kind of mean.
637
00:32:39,424 --> 00:32:41,690
Well, my sister is missing.
She could be dead.
638
00:32:41,692 --> 00:32:43,726
You're screwing
some Forever 21-year-old.
639
00:32:43,728 --> 00:32:45,461
So if I wanna be mean,
I'll be mean.
640
00:32:45,463 --> 00:32:47,130
I don't have
the right shoes.
641
00:32:47,132 --> 00:32:49,865
Oh, you could borrow
a pair of my strappy sandals.
642
00:32:49,867 --> 00:32:50,935
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
643
00:32:52,870 --> 00:32:56,505
Kidding. You... She was ki...
You guys are all very sarcastic.
644
00:32:56,507 --> 00:32:59,674
Yeah, they're not nice people.
Sorry. Just try to ignore them.
645
00:32:59,676 --> 00:33:02,612
- Yeah. Yeah. Ignore us.
- Please, God, ignore us.
646
00:33:02,614 --> 00:33:04,149
Ah, see? Mean.
647
00:33:07,018 --> 00:33:09,184
All right!
648
00:33:09,186 --> 00:33:10,853
This is what
I'm talking about.
649
00:33:10,855 --> 00:33:13,256
We're finally gonna be
riding in style.
650
00:33:13,258 --> 00:33:16,759
I partied with 3 Doors Down
in one of these. It was so...
651
00:33:16,761 --> 00:33:18,693
Oh, shit.
652
00:33:23,367 --> 00:33:24,465
What?
653
00:33:25,636 --> 00:33:27,236
Man, we're getting
good at this.
654
00:33:27,238 --> 00:33:29,271
- Columbus.
- Tallahassee.
655
00:33:29,273 --> 00:33:30,774
- The hood is 12 o'clock.
- Yes.
656
00:33:30,776 --> 00:33:32,678
Trunk is 6. You're our eyes.
657
00:33:34,178 --> 00:33:36,178
Hey, don't worry,
you guys.
658
00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:39,280
They are much more afraid of us
than we are of them.
659
00:33:39,282 --> 00:33:42,017
God, that is not even
remotely true.
660
00:33:42,019 --> 00:33:44,653
- Well, what do I do?
- You know how cheerleaders
661
00:33:44,655 --> 00:33:46,088
- form a pyramid?
- Yeah.
662
00:33:46,090 --> 00:33:47,524
And the three on the bottom
663
00:33:47,526 --> 00:33:49,424
- anchor the pyramid?
- Oh, yeah.
664
00:33:49,426 --> 00:33:52,428
I don't give a shit what you do,
just stay out of my way.
665
00:33:52,430 --> 00:33:54,829
Okay, 8 o'clock. Eight o'clock.
666
00:33:54,831 --> 00:33:58,134
Did you say the front was 12?
Oh, fuck me. Sorry. Two o'clock.
667
00:33:58,136 --> 00:34:01,103
Eleven! Eleven! Seven-thirty!
668
00:34:01,105 --> 00:34:03,239
Six o'clock. Six!
669
00:34:03,241 --> 00:34:05,074
I'll get 6.
670
00:34:06,176 --> 00:34:07,509
Uh, shit. One-fifteen.
671
00:34:07,511 --> 00:34:08,511
One-thirteen, 1:20.
672
00:34:08,513 --> 00:34:09,912
It's moving that way.
673
00:34:09,914 --> 00:34:11,680
Why is everyone
shouting numbers?
674
00:34:11,682 --> 00:34:13,115
Eleven!
675
00:34:13,117 --> 00:34:14,151
- Twelve!
- Six!
676
00:34:15,854 --> 00:34:17,486
Two o'clock!
677
00:34:17,488 --> 00:34:18,390
Eight.
678
00:34:19,857 --> 00:34:21,827
- Six o'clock.
- Shit.
679
00:34:25,330 --> 00:34:26,898
One o'clock. Six-thirty.
680
00:34:29,033 --> 00:34:30,732
Ten! Eight!
681
00:34:31,803 --> 00:34:32,968
- Eight!
- Shit.
682
00:34:34,037 --> 00:34:35,136
Shit!
683
00:34:40,845 --> 00:34:43,546
- Narsty!
- Thank you.
684
00:34:43,548 --> 00:34:44,546
You're welcome.
685
00:34:44,548 --> 00:34:46,482
One o'clock! Two-thirty.
686
00:34:46,484 --> 00:34:47,586
Three! One!
687
00:34:49,386 --> 00:34:50,689
Okay. I'll get 3.
688
00:34:52,490 --> 00:34:53,689
Right on time, Columbus.
689
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:56,758
One o'clock! Ten-thirty!
690
00:34:59,830 --> 00:35:01,196
Eleven! Eleven!
691
00:35:01,198 --> 00:35:02,899
Actually, it's a Homer.
692
00:35:02,901 --> 00:35:05,834
Abort! Abort 11.
Don't waste a bullet.
693
00:35:05,836 --> 00:35:08,870
- Hawking! Hawking!
- What? Oh, shit!
694
00:35:15,180 --> 00:35:16,479
Yay!
695
00:35:17,848 --> 00:35:20,082
- Aah, he's trying to bite me!
- Ninja! Ninja!
696
00:35:20,084 --> 00:35:21,352
Oh, my God!
697
00:35:23,053 --> 00:35:25,220
You saved me.
698
00:35:25,222 --> 00:35:26,524
All right. Settle down.
699
00:35:30,193 --> 00:35:33,895
- Hey, Tal, 1 o'clock.
- Pardon me, Pop-Tart.
700
00:35:33,897 --> 00:35:35,598
Not quite done yet.
701
00:35:44,874 --> 00:35:46,209
What the fuck?
702
00:35:50,749 --> 00:35:52,584
Try to dodge me, motherfucker.
703
00:35:54,452 --> 00:35:58,220
This was our first T-800,
704
00:35:58,222 --> 00:36:00,622
named for the Terminator
it-fucking-self.
705
00:36:00,624 --> 00:36:01,756
Uh...
706
00:36:01,758 --> 00:36:03,691
- Tal?
- Yup?
707
00:36:07,798 --> 00:36:10,765
T-800s were a
mutated strain of zombie,
708
00:36:10,767 --> 00:36:13,905
stronger, deadlier
and harder to kill.
709
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,477
One plus one
is still two, right?
710
00:36:25,082 --> 00:36:29,451
They were the apex
predator, top of the food chain.
711
00:36:29,453 --> 00:36:32,287
Single-minded and relentless
like their namesake,
712
00:36:32,289 --> 00:36:34,055
once they locked on
to a target,
713
00:36:34,057 --> 00:36:36,660
T-800s stopped at nothing
to devour their prey.
714
00:36:37,761 --> 00:36:39,964
What the ever-loving fuck?
715
00:36:52,176 --> 00:36:53,709
Ew.
716
00:36:53,711 --> 00:36:55,812
Seeing that T-800 firsthand
717
00:36:55,814 --> 00:36:57,345
was all the more worrisome
718
00:36:57,347 --> 00:36:59,314
knowing that Little Rock
was out there
719
00:36:59,316 --> 00:37:01,520
with nothing but a hippie
and a guitar.
720
00:37:02,687 --> 00:37:07,526
♪ Like a rollin' stone ♪
721
00:37:09,493 --> 00:37:12,861
Okay.
That song is amazing.
722
00:37:12,863 --> 00:37:13,995
Did you write that?
723
00:37:16,434 --> 00:37:18,133
Wa... Was that a dumb question?
724
00:37:18,135 --> 00:37:20,502
Sorry, I was like 11
when the zombies took over.
725
00:37:20,504 --> 00:37:21,770
Not a dumb question.
726
00:37:21,772 --> 00:37:23,339
I was laughing
because you think
727
00:37:23,341 --> 00:37:24,939
I'd play some
stupid cover song.
728
00:37:24,941 --> 00:37:26,142
Of course I wrote it.
729
00:37:26,144 --> 00:37:27,343
If you love that,
730
00:37:27,345 --> 00:37:29,312
then you're really
gonna love this.
731
00:37:29,314 --> 00:37:33,147
But it's a work in progress,
so be gentle.
732
00:37:34,486 --> 00:37:39,223
♪ If I leave here tomorrow ♪
733
00:37:41,758 --> 00:37:45,930
♪ Would you still remember me? ♪
734
00:37:48,832 --> 00:37:52,334
♪ I
must be traveling Onward... ♪
735
00:37:52,336 --> 00:37:55,870
- A poem by Tallahassee.
- Ah!
736
00:37:55,872 --> 00:38:02,211
Traveling to Graceland
In comfort and class
737
00:38:02,213 --> 00:38:06,615
That Pontiac Trans Sport
Can kiss my ass
738
00:38:08,519 --> 00:38:12,520
- Very good! Very good.
- Here we go, baby! Woo-hoo!
739
00:38:12,522 --> 00:38:15,691
Let's go see the King
and let's go get Little Rock!
740
00:38:21,332 --> 00:38:22,932
♪ 'Cause I'm as free... ♪
741
00:38:26,905 --> 00:38:29,640
- Did... Did we just get...
- Shorter?
742
00:38:31,776 --> 00:38:33,211
I say we take the clown car.
743
00:38:34,546 --> 00:38:36,444
No, no, no. No!
That is a deal-breaker.
744
00:38:36,446 --> 00:38:38,115
No fucking clowns!
745
00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:49,558
In moments of great dishonor
such as this,
746
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:54,395
ancient samurai warriors
were required to commit seppuku,
747
00:38:54,397 --> 00:38:59,303
or ritual suicide
by disembowelment.
748
00:39:04,175 --> 00:39:05,674
My mom had this car.
749
00:39:05,676 --> 00:39:07,942
- So did mine.
- So did mine.
750
00:39:11,481 --> 00:39:13,448
Fucking minivan.
751
00:39:13,450 --> 00:39:15,783
Back on the road, yay!
752
00:39:26,064 --> 00:39:28,397
I've always wanted
to start a business
753
00:39:28,399 --> 00:39:32,066
where strangers drive strangers
around in their car
754
00:39:32,068 --> 00:39:34,136
- for money.
- Mm.
755
00:39:34,138 --> 00:39:37,272
Let's say you were really
drunk and needed a ride home.
756
00:39:37,274 --> 00:39:38,774
You'd just get online
757
00:39:38,776 --> 00:39:40,743
and hop right in
with a stranger.
758
00:39:40,745 --> 00:39:43,377
And they'd take you
anywhere you wanna go.
759
00:39:43,379 --> 00:39:45,948
- Oh, yeah. Who then kills you.
- Yeah. Ha, ha!
760
00:39:45,950 --> 00:39:48,718
They'd have gum
or, like, lollipops.
761
00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:50,486
That was what my parents
taught me.
762
00:39:50,488 --> 00:39:54,189
They were like, "If a stranger
offers you candy or gum,
763
00:39:54,191 --> 00:39:55,658
get in their car."
Great idea.
764
00:39:55,660 --> 00:39:57,359
If they try to murder you,
765
00:39:57,361 --> 00:39:59,495
you can have a system
so you can rate them.
766
00:39:59,497 --> 00:40:02,198
If they try to murder you,
like, "You get zero points."
767
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:05,667
But if they don't try to murder
you, "You get five points."
768
00:40:05,669 --> 00:40:08,136
Madison, I think it is
a very good idea.
769
00:40:08,138 --> 00:40:10,673
That's... No, I cannot
see that going wrong.
770
00:40:10,675 --> 00:40:13,709
All I'm saying is the
taxi industry was very flawed.
771
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:19,015
- Mm, oop...
- Are you okay?
772
00:40:19,017 --> 00:40:21,783
I think I'm, like, hot.
I'm hot.
773
00:40:21,785 --> 00:40:23,317
- Yeah?
- Mm-hm.
774
00:40:23,319 --> 00:40:25,687
I'm used to being in
the freezer all the time.
775
00:40:25,689 --> 00:40:28,557
- Get this off.
- Yeah. Sure. That makes sense.
776
00:40:34,330 --> 00:40:37,834
I feel funny. My tongue...
777
00:40:37,836 --> 00:40:39,801
My tongue... My tongue...
778
00:40:39,803 --> 00:40:41,502
Boss?
You're gonna wanna pull over.
779
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:43,939
- No.
- Pull over.
780
00:40:43,941 --> 00:40:45,339
We're making good progress.
781
00:40:45,341 --> 00:40:46,341
- Ugh!
- Pull over!
782
00:40:46,343 --> 00:40:48,009
- Yeah.
- Okay. Okay.
783
00:40:55,720 --> 00:40:56,852
- Oh.
- Oh.
784
00:40:56,854 --> 00:40:57,886
Chunkage.
785
00:40:57,888 --> 00:40:59,787
Maybe she'll pull through.
786
00:40:59,789 --> 00:41:02,424
What? You are the one
who says "don't take chances."
787
00:41:04,595 --> 00:41:07,598
So who wants do the honors?
788
00:41:08,932 --> 00:41:11,633
I mean, personally,
I wouldn't mind,
789
00:41:11,635 --> 00:41:15,004
but I don't want
you guys calling me selfish.
790
00:41:15,006 --> 00:41:18,207
Hey, come on. She is a living,
thinking being. Okay?
791
00:41:18,209 --> 00:41:19,741
She's a living being.
792
00:41:19,743 --> 00:41:24,279
Look, I know you guys
are in love or whatever,
793
00:41:24,281 --> 00:41:26,714
but in two minutes,
she's gonna become a:
794
00:41:28,618 --> 00:41:32,955
A zombie, not a velociraptor.
And it's the right thing to do.
795
00:41:32,957 --> 00:41:36,459
If you love something,
you shoot it in the face
796
00:41:36,461 --> 00:41:39,194
so it doesn't become
a flesh-eating monster.
797
00:41:39,196 --> 00:41:40,629
I know.
798
00:41:40,631 --> 00:41:42,698
She's making a good point.
799
00:41:42,700 --> 00:41:48,970
Maybe it's time for you to be
the Brave Little Toaster.
800
00:41:53,845 --> 00:41:56,111
They say when
something bad happens,
801
00:41:56,113 --> 00:41:57,846
you have three choices:
802
00:41:57,848 --> 00:42:01,318
Let it define you, destroy you,
or strengthen you.
803
00:42:04,988 --> 00:42:07,191
Time to teach Lennie
about the rabbits.
804
00:42:11,928 --> 00:42:14,029
No! Don't come with me!
Don't come with me!
805
00:42:14,031 --> 00:42:15,830
Madison, Madison, please.
806
00:42:15,832 --> 00:42:18,167
- Madison, please. Please, please.
- Don't hurt me!
807
00:42:18,169 --> 00:42:19,669
- No, no, no!
- Wait. Listen to me!
808
00:42:19,671 --> 00:42:20,903
- Please. Wait.
- No, no, no!
809
00:42:20,905 --> 00:42:23,071
- Madison, just wait.
- I'm a monster.
810
00:42:23,073 --> 00:42:24,839
- I'm a monster.
- Please, please.
811
00:42:24,841 --> 00:42:27,475
Listen. I realize we don't
know each other that well.
812
00:42:27,477 --> 00:42:29,979
I mean, well, we do
in the biblical sense, yes.
813
00:42:29,981 --> 00:42:32,015
But I think you're
a really great person.
814
00:42:35,019 --> 00:42:36,250
Well, not now.
815
00:42:38,522 --> 00:42:40,455
I'm sorry.
816
00:42:53,303 --> 00:42:55,504
Thanks.
817
00:42:55,506 --> 00:42:57,339
Can we just, uh...
818
00:42:57,341 --> 00:42:59,374
I'm so sorry.
819
00:42:59,376 --> 00:43:01,642
All right. Just...
Come on, come on, let's go.
820
00:43:12,555 --> 00:43:14,555
I'm not gonna lie and say
821
00:43:14,557 --> 00:43:17,261
that I'm broken up
about it, but, um...
822
00:43:18,863 --> 00:43:20,997
- I am sorry.
- Yeah.
823
00:43:20,999 --> 00:43:23,064
- She didn't deserve that.
- Thanks, man.
824
00:43:23,066 --> 00:43:27,772
He's right. That's a terrible
way to go, even for...
825
00:43:29,006 --> 00:43:31,238
- It's....
- Oh, come on. It's Madison.
826
00:43:31,240 --> 00:43:32,575
- You know that.
- Madison!
827
00:43:32,577 --> 00:43:34,642
You know that, okay?
Her name is Madison.
828
00:43:34,644 --> 00:43:37,879
Or her name was Madison.
And she was a real person, okay?
829
00:43:37,881 --> 00:43:40,015
She had, you know,
complex feelings
830
00:43:40,017 --> 00:43:41,816
and emotions and interests.
831
00:43:41,818 --> 00:43:46,921
She liked dolphins and rainbows,
you know? And double rainbows.
832
00:43:46,923 --> 00:43:49,658
- I'm agreeing. It's sad.
- Okay.
833
00:43:49,660 --> 00:43:51,392
That is obviously not
what I wanted.
834
00:43:51,394 --> 00:43:54,095
- What is it that you do want?
- I wanna find my sister.
835
00:43:54,097 --> 00:43:55,263
Me too.
836
00:43:55,265 --> 00:43:56,964
- Good.
- Good.
837
00:43:56,966 --> 00:43:59,433
- Good. Great. Awesome.
- Great, in fact. Great.
838
00:43:59,435 --> 00:44:01,303
This is gonna be
a long drive.
839
00:44:12,482 --> 00:44:14,049
This is it.
840
00:44:14,051 --> 00:44:17,252
Hey, little buddy,
don't be cruel to me
841
00:44:17,254 --> 00:44:19,457
for waking you up,
but we're here.
842
00:44:20,591 --> 00:44:23,424
Oh. Oh, my God.
843
00:44:23,426 --> 00:44:24,859
Oh, my God.
844
00:44:27,198 --> 00:44:29,698
Every choice I've ever
made in my life
845
00:44:29,700 --> 00:44:32,633
has been leading me
to this moment right here,
846
00:44:32,635 --> 00:44:35,604
right now,
3764 Elvis Presley Boulevard.
847
00:44:35,606 --> 00:44:39,073
I feel like a 1954 teenybopper.
848
00:44:39,075 --> 00:44:40,144
And here comes...
849
00:44:42,747 --> 00:44:43,681
No.
850
00:44:46,582 --> 00:44:48,649
No, no, no!
851
00:44:48,651 --> 00:44:51,319
Hey, dude, if you need,
like, a moment or...
852
00:44:51,321 --> 00:44:54,022
Oh, my God. No Graceland.
853
00:44:54,024 --> 00:44:55,756
No Beast.
854
00:44:55,758 --> 00:44:58,526
- No Little Rock.
- No Little Rock?
855
00:44:58,528 --> 00:45:00,328
Am I not allowed
856
00:45:00,330 --> 00:45:05,100
one cock-sucking duck-fucking
little break in this world?
857
00:45:05,102 --> 00:45:07,203
You're not the only one
that's upset.
858
00:45:07,205 --> 00:45:10,973
Just... Just drive.
Drive, drive. Drive now!
859
00:45:10,975 --> 00:45:12,743
Get away from here. Go!
860
00:45:16,713 --> 00:45:18,846
Graceland was a pile of rubble,
861
00:45:18,848 --> 00:45:20,482
Little Rock was still missing,
862
00:45:20,484 --> 00:45:22,350
and we were unsure
of our next move.
863
00:45:22,352 --> 00:45:24,986
But sometimes, you just have
to follow the signs.
864
00:45:24,988 --> 00:45:26,955
Hm.
865
00:45:26,957 --> 00:45:29,160
Well, when Z-land
serves you lemons...
866
00:45:31,361 --> 00:45:33,564
Hey, Florida, 11 o'clock.
867
00:45:36,834 --> 00:45:38,332
What?
868
00:45:38,334 --> 00:45:42,339
- Hound Dog Hotel.
- Oh, what a bunch of bull.
869
00:45:44,274 --> 00:45:47,078
- Whoa, the Beast!
- Little Rock!
870
00:45:55,051 --> 00:45:57,752
Damn. Wow,
871
00:45:57,754 --> 00:45:59,520
for a place
that ain't Graceland,
872
00:45:59,522 --> 00:46:01,823
it sure looks a hell
of a lot like Graceland.
873
00:46:01,825 --> 00:46:03,424
- Yeah, it does.
- Here's the idea.
874
00:46:03,426 --> 00:46:05,060
We'll split up.
I'll go this way.
875
00:46:05,062 --> 00:46:06,861
No, no, no.
I should talk to her.
876
00:46:06,863 --> 00:46:09,932
I'm her sister. I'll talk to
her first. You guys stay here.
877
00:46:09,934 --> 00:46:11,700
Mm, sound.
878
00:46:11,702 --> 00:46:14,903
- Huh.
- Buh, buh, buh, buh.
879
00:46:14,905 --> 00:46:17,404
- Little respect.
- Why? He's dead probably.
880
00:46:17,406 --> 00:46:19,876
Oh. Oh, for you. Okay.
881
00:46:22,412 --> 00:46:24,613
- This is so degrading.
- It's not for me.
882
00:46:24,615 --> 00:46:25,582
Yeah, I know.
883
00:46:26,917 --> 00:46:28,417
Okay.
884
00:46:28,419 --> 00:46:30,419
- Oh, yeah.
- Smells like a wet dog died.
885
00:46:30,421 --> 00:46:32,154
- That's not... Push it.
- I am.
886
00:46:32,156 --> 00:46:34,959
- Square peg, round hole. Stop.
- Yeah, okay. Sorry.
887
00:46:39,530 --> 00:46:42,096
Oh, my God. It's uncanny.
888
00:46:42,098 --> 00:46:44,399
This is incredible.
889
00:46:44,401 --> 00:46:48,035
It's a perfect fit. I feel
like Cinderella at the ball.
890
00:46:48,037 --> 00:46:52,274
Are you jealous that I have
the same size shoe as Elvis?
891
00:46:52,276 --> 00:46:55,980
No. It's not like those
are Elvis' actual shoes.
892
00:46:59,048 --> 00:47:00,484
Sorry.
893
00:47:20,771 --> 00:47:24,506
♪ Well, I never been to Spain ♪
894
00:47:27,611 --> 00:47:28,846
Little Rock?
895
00:47:33,649 --> 00:47:36,820
♪ The ladies are insane ♪
896
00:47:39,656 --> 00:47:43,494
♪ And they don't have it easy ♪
897
00:47:49,165 --> 00:47:52,935
♪ Well, I never been
To heaven... ♪
898
00:47:52,937 --> 00:47:54,502
Ow!
899
00:47:55,939 --> 00:47:59,174
- Start talking.
- Ah, you first.
900
00:47:59,176 --> 00:48:01,676
- Hi, my name's Tallahassee.
- Nevada.
901
00:48:01,678 --> 00:48:04,379
- Which part?
- Nevada's as close as you get.
902
00:48:04,381 --> 00:48:06,381
Now, what are you doing
in the Hound Dog?
903
00:48:06,383 --> 00:48:09,352
I got a thing for the King.
904
00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:13,855
No, no,
don't shoot my friends.
905
00:48:13,857 --> 00:48:16,457
- Anybody else in here with you?
- No, just us.
906
00:48:16,459 --> 00:48:19,861
We're all civilized people.
Let's just put the guns down.
907
00:48:19,863 --> 00:48:22,964
Why the hell are you wearing
Elvis' actual shoes?
908
00:48:22,966 --> 00:48:24,001
Comfort.
909
00:48:25,669 --> 00:48:27,868
- You live here?
- Yeah.
910
00:48:27,870 --> 00:48:30,971
So that car out front, the girl
who was driving it, is she...
911
00:48:30,973 --> 00:48:34,042
Gone. She and that poser
peace lover of hers...
912
00:48:34,044 --> 00:48:36,611
- Berkeley.
- Berkeley.
913
00:48:36,613 --> 00:48:37,979
...took off a few days ago.
914
00:48:37,981 --> 00:48:39,982
And trust me,
they shouldn't have.
915
00:48:39,984 --> 00:48:41,216
It's not safe out there.
916
00:48:41,218 --> 00:48:44,118
- Damn it.
- Why didn't they take the Beast?
917
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:46,053
He said it was
too "establishment."
918
00:48:46,055 --> 00:48:49,390
Oh, I will kill
that little fart snack myself.
919
00:48:49,392 --> 00:48:51,392
You're lucky I didn't do
the same to you.
920
00:48:51,394 --> 00:48:54,531
Seriously. You know how close
I came to Murraying you?
921
00:48:57,568 --> 00:48:59,734
To what-ing him?
922
00:48:59,736 --> 00:49:02,703
Murraying him. You know,
when you shoot someone
923
00:49:02,705 --> 00:49:04,673
because you think
they're a zombie.
924
00:49:04,675 --> 00:49:07,441
Apparently, that's
how Bill Murray died.
925
00:49:07,443 --> 00:49:09,578
Wow, God, who's Bill Murray?
I never...
926
00:49:09,580 --> 00:49:11,212
I don't even know
what that is.
927
00:49:11,214 --> 00:49:13,714
Oh, the actor.
That's so sad.
928
00:49:13,716 --> 00:49:15,417
I don't read Variety.
That's sad.
929
00:49:15,419 --> 00:49:18,086
Sorry if you knew him.
If you didn't, I'm still sorry.
930
00:49:18,088 --> 00:49:20,854
It's sad when anybody dies.
Sounds like an urban legend.
931
00:49:20,856 --> 00:49:23,426
- It happened.
- I doubt it. It's weird. What?
932
00:49:26,097 --> 00:49:28,529
I'll say this about Murray,
933
00:49:28,531 --> 00:49:32,600
if I ever find out who did him,
I'm gonna do him.
934
00:49:32,602 --> 00:49:34,736
Me too. I'll be...
You first, but me second.
935
00:49:34,738 --> 00:49:36,504
Don't listen to this guy.
936
00:49:36,506 --> 00:49:38,173
He's killed more
celebrities than cocaine.
937
00:49:38,175 --> 00:49:39,908
The girl that was here before,
938
00:49:39,910 --> 00:49:41,542
did she say
where she was going?
939
00:49:41,544 --> 00:49:44,513
No, but that idiot Berkeley
940
00:49:44,515 --> 00:49:46,448
wouldn't shut up about it.
941
00:49:46,450 --> 00:49:48,683
Babylon is a commune,
safe haven,
942
00:49:48,685 --> 00:49:50,250
protected on all sides.
943
00:49:50,252 --> 00:49:53,687
Completely pacifist.
No guns or violence of any kind.
944
00:49:53,689 --> 00:49:55,457
A lot of young people too,
you know.
945
00:49:55,459 --> 00:49:57,526
Generation Z living
in peace and harmony.
946
00:49:57,528 --> 00:49:59,794
- It sounds cool.
- I know you had your heart set
947
00:49:59,796 --> 00:50:04,635
on this Graceland, but this
is mucho, mucho better.
948
00:50:11,676 --> 00:50:14,910
This is a very good replica
of the King's Jungle Room,
949
00:50:14,912 --> 00:50:17,245
where he recorded
his last two albums.
950
00:50:17,247 --> 00:50:21,082
From Elvis Presley Boulevard,Memphis, Tennessee and...
951
00:50:21,084 --> 00:50:23,250
And Moody Blue.
952
00:50:23,252 --> 00:50:24,455
You know your Elvis.
953
00:50:25,921 --> 00:50:28,792
Every lover of the King
has a story.
954
00:50:29,926 --> 00:50:31,459
What's yours?
955
00:50:31,461 --> 00:50:34,863
My mama took me to see Elvis
when I was a kid.
956
00:50:34,865 --> 00:50:37,631
Something about him.
Attitude, the music...
957
00:50:37,633 --> 00:50:40,134
The hips, the ass.
958
00:50:40,136 --> 00:50:42,136
Well, I was 10,
but with Elvis,
959
00:50:42,138 --> 00:50:43,738
there is something
for everyone.
960
00:50:43,740 --> 00:50:46,006
Cut to later,
I'm in high school.
961
00:50:46,008 --> 00:50:48,944
And my buddy
Frankie Hammond says, uh:
962
00:50:48,946 --> 00:50:51,279
"Do your Elvis."
963
00:50:51,281 --> 00:50:54,616
I said, "We're in the library.
It's gonna be loud."
964
00:50:54,618 --> 00:50:57,151
He convinces me. He starts
tapping his pencil,
965
00:50:57,153 --> 00:50:58,388
and I get up.
966
00:51:02,193 --> 00:51:05,627
♪ You ain't nothing
But a hound dog ♪
967
00:51:05,629 --> 00:51:08,462
♪ Crying all the time
Bo, bo, doo-de-doo ♪
968
00:51:08,464 --> 00:51:11,232
Everybody starts gathering
around and clapping,
969
00:51:11,234 --> 00:51:14,169
and I jumped on a table.
I finish off with a flourish.
970
00:51:14,171 --> 00:51:16,169
♪ You ain't never
Caught a rabbit ♪
971
00:51:16,171 --> 00:51:18,038
♪ You ain't no friend of mine ♪
972
00:51:19,508 --> 00:51:22,845
Yeah! And the whole place,
thunderous applause.
973
00:51:22,847 --> 00:51:26,013
And up comes the cutest girl
in the school,
974
00:51:26,015 --> 00:51:30,218
Robin Rogers, who never
gave me the time of day before.
975
00:51:30,220 --> 00:51:32,553
She plants a kiss
on my cheek.
976
00:51:32,555 --> 00:51:34,855
And for a moment, just one,
977
00:51:34,857 --> 00:51:36,626
I felt like the King.
978
00:51:39,696 --> 00:51:42,533
I suddenly feel a little jealous
of Robin Rogers.
979
00:51:44,702 --> 00:51:45,669
You don't say.
980
00:51:47,970 --> 00:51:49,439
I don't know about you...
981
00:51:51,075 --> 00:51:52,777
...but I feel my temperature
rising.
982
00:51:57,381 --> 00:51:58,582
Mm.
983
00:52:01,517 --> 00:52:04,319
This is Babylon.
984
00:52:04,321 --> 00:52:07,721
Oh, like those ancient
hanging gardens.
985
00:52:07,723 --> 00:52:09,857
- Huh?
- Of Babylon.
986
00:52:09,859 --> 00:52:13,093
No, no. It's named
for that cool David Gray song.
987
00:52:13,095 --> 00:52:14,931
Man, I wish I'd written
that one.
988
00:52:16,267 --> 00:52:19,066
No guns allowed
is our one rule.
989
00:52:19,068 --> 00:52:22,238
- That, and no group sex.
- All right. Hand them over.
990
00:52:24,874 --> 00:52:27,107
Here you go.
991
00:52:27,109 --> 00:52:29,544
No guns. No guns.
Just hugs.
992
00:52:29,546 --> 00:52:31,379
Then welcome.
993
00:52:31,381 --> 00:52:33,747
Come on, señorita.
You're gonna love this place.
994
00:52:33,749 --> 00:52:35,816
It's completely safe
and entirely organic.
995
00:52:35,818 --> 00:52:37,752
- This is so cool.
- All right.
996
00:52:37,754 --> 00:52:40,455
We're gonna melt your guns here
and give you a pendant.
997
00:52:40,457 --> 00:52:42,290
- They melt it?
- Yeah.
998
00:52:42,292 --> 00:52:43,625
It's a symbolic thing.
999
00:52:43,627 --> 00:52:45,259
Goodbye, violence.
1000
00:52:45,261 --> 00:52:46,895
Hello, peace.
1001
00:52:46,897 --> 00:52:48,095
Once we're done,
1002
00:52:48,097 --> 00:52:49,730
we'll take you up
to the rooftop.
1003
00:52:49,732 --> 00:52:50,899
I hope you like stairs.
1004
00:52:50,901 --> 00:52:51,836
That's good.
1005
00:52:55,705 --> 00:52:58,073
- Thanks.
- Welcome to Babylon.
1006
00:52:58,075 --> 00:52:59,975
Let me show you the way.
1007
00:52:59,977 --> 00:53:01,109
Aw, right on.
1008
00:53:05,615 --> 00:53:07,314
Hey, brother. What's up?
1009
00:53:07,316 --> 00:53:09,019
- Hi.
- Yeah.
1010
00:53:28,771 --> 00:53:32,307
Wake
up, my little blue suede baby.
1011
00:53:32,309 --> 00:53:34,341
It's now or never. Ooh!
1012
00:53:34,343 --> 00:53:37,712
My friends say you're sleeping
like a tired pup.
1013
00:53:39,816 --> 00:53:40,982
What the fuck?
1014
00:53:42,218 --> 00:53:43,220
Shit.
1015
00:53:50,325 --> 00:53:52,794
Oh, no, no, no!
1016
00:53:52,796 --> 00:53:54,796
This is not happening!
1017
00:53:54,798 --> 00:53:57,933
This is not fucking happening!
1018
00:53:57,935 --> 00:54:00,133
Hey, motherfucker,
that's my ride!
1019
00:54:00,135 --> 00:54:02,669
Oh, my apologies,
tiny Elvis.
1020
00:54:02,671 --> 00:54:05,973
Just didn't expect anything
to be parked in my driveway.
1021
00:54:05,975 --> 00:54:07,044
Your driveway?
1022
00:54:08,778 --> 00:54:11,279
That's right. My driveway.
1023
00:54:11,281 --> 00:54:13,214
Well, that's funny.
When I parked in it,
1024
00:54:13,216 --> 00:54:14,582
no one told me to pull out.
1025
00:54:16,352 --> 00:54:18,819
Well, actually,
it's my driveway.
1026
00:54:18,821 --> 00:54:20,654
Hey, Nevada.
1027
00:54:20,656 --> 00:54:25,560
But see, when I'm
in town, I use it.
1028
00:54:25,562 --> 00:54:29,031
Well, I'm in town now,
and I'm using it.
1029
00:54:29,033 --> 00:54:31,165
Keep talking like this,
and I can arrange
1030
00:54:31,167 --> 00:54:34,067
so neither of you
ever uses my driveway again.
1031
00:54:34,069 --> 00:54:36,102
I don't think they're talking
about the driveway.
1032
00:54:36,104 --> 00:54:37,506
No, I don't think so.
1033
00:54:37,508 --> 00:54:39,774
- You happy now? Good move.
- Satisfied? Good job.
1034
00:54:39,776 --> 00:54:42,609
- Does he remind you of...?
- Yeah, it's weird.
1035
00:54:42,611 --> 00:54:45,379
I don't like you at all.
1036
00:54:45,381 --> 00:54:46,747
It's not weird,
it's creepy.
1037
00:54:46,749 --> 00:54:48,415
It's like
an un-funhouse mirror.
1038
00:54:48,417 --> 00:54:51,685
I think you double-parked
or more perpendicular-parked.
1039
00:54:51,687 --> 00:54:53,721
- Hope we don't get a ticket.
- Whoa.
1040
00:54:53,723 --> 00:54:55,823
- Calm down.
- I'm just ragging you.
1041
00:54:55,825 --> 00:54:58,392
- What is going on here?
- What?
1042
00:54:58,394 --> 00:55:00,495
- What do you mean, "what"?
- What?
1043
00:55:00,497 --> 00:55:03,330
- Does he not remind you of...?
- Hello, everyone.
1044
00:55:03,332 --> 00:55:05,533
Of... Of what?
1045
00:55:05,535 --> 00:55:07,035
- This is Albuquerque.
- Howdy.
1046
00:55:07,037 --> 00:55:09,169
- I'm Flagstaff.
- Hey. I'm Columbus.
1047
00:55:09,171 --> 00:55:10,772
Oh, great.
1048
00:55:10,774 --> 00:55:13,508
Uh, this is Tallahassee,
Wichita,
1049
00:55:13,510 --> 00:55:15,709
- and I guess you know Nevada.
- Yes, I do.
1050
00:55:15,711 --> 00:55:16,877
Easy, cowboy.
1051
00:55:16,879 --> 00:55:18,912
So sorry about your ex-car.
1052
00:55:18,914 --> 00:55:22,285
I guess, as I like to say,
expect the unexpected.
1053
00:55:23,553 --> 00:55:26,620
- It's one of my commandments.
- Oh.
1054
00:55:26,622 --> 00:55:28,589
- Commandments?
- Yeah. Sort of guidelines
1055
00:55:28,591 --> 00:55:30,725
for staying alive.
I've got loads of them.
1056
00:55:30,727 --> 00:55:32,761
- Hm, interesting.
- Number one is teamwork.
1057
00:55:32,763 --> 00:55:35,330
Teamwork. That's so great.
1058
00:55:35,332 --> 00:55:37,232
I spent a long time
thinking about it.
1059
00:55:37,234 --> 00:55:39,901
I have rules, you know,
which is, like, less biblical.
1060
00:55:39,903 --> 00:55:42,636
I love rules. Without rules,
everything's chaos.
1061
00:55:42,638 --> 00:55:45,140
- Thank you.
- Columbus has quite a few rules.
1062
00:55:45,142 --> 00:55:47,241
- I do.
- Awesome. Like what?
1063
00:55:47,243 --> 00:55:49,644
- I don't wanna toot my own horn.
- Go on, toot.
1064
00:55:49,646 --> 00:55:51,879
- Let me toot for him. Uh...
- Thank you.
1065
00:55:51,881 --> 00:55:54,883
- Number one, cardio.
- That's right.
1066
00:55:54,885 --> 00:55:56,051
Cardio. Okay.
1067
00:55:56,053 --> 00:55:58,086
- What?
- I don't mean to laugh.
1068
00:55:58,088 --> 00:56:02,089
It's just that cardiovascular
fitness is his number 29,
1069
00:56:02,091 --> 00:56:03,892
meaning he has
28 other commandments
1070
00:56:03,894 --> 00:56:05,493
that he finds more important,
1071
00:56:05,495 --> 00:56:08,095
like, say, what's one
of your great ones?
1072
00:56:08,097 --> 00:56:10,799
Number 12. The world
is your bathroom, meaning
1073
00:56:10,801 --> 00:56:14,069
you can whip it out wherever
you want, and have at it.
1074
00:56:14,071 --> 00:56:16,270
Oh, just whip it out
wherever you want!
1075
00:56:16,272 --> 00:56:17,805
That sounds a little uncouth.
1076
00:56:17,807 --> 00:56:20,107
The "whip it out" part's
for guys, obviously.
1077
00:56:20,109 --> 00:56:23,044
If you're a woman,
you can reveal it.
1078
00:56:23,046 --> 00:56:25,312
- Whichever.
- I have beware of bathrooms.
1079
00:56:25,314 --> 00:56:27,515
Yeah, I'm just generally
careful around them.
1080
00:56:27,517 --> 00:56:29,649
But it's not a competition.
1081
00:56:29,651 --> 00:56:32,520
- No, doesn't have to be.
- But number 18 is limber up.
1082
00:56:32,522 --> 00:56:34,555
- But that's...
- That's fine. I have warm up.
1083
00:56:34,557 --> 00:56:37,625
Again, not a competition,
but commandment number 45
1084
00:56:37,627 --> 00:56:39,894
for me is, well,
mind your manners.
1085
00:56:39,896 --> 00:56:41,495
Just because
it's the apocalypse
1086
00:56:41,497 --> 00:56:43,131
doesn't mean
you have to be rude.
1087
00:56:43,133 --> 00:56:45,031
Keep your hands
to yourself, number 42.
1088
00:56:45,033 --> 00:56:46,167
Do you have sunscreen?
1089
00:56:46,169 --> 00:56:47,903
- Just shade.
- Shade. Of course.
1090
00:56:47,905 --> 00:56:50,872
It's free. It's everywhere.
Yeah. Number two, double tap.
1091
00:56:50,874 --> 00:56:53,274
I have number five,
confirm your kill.
1092
00:56:53,276 --> 00:56:55,310
- Confirm your kill.
- Avoid perishables.
1093
00:56:55,312 --> 00:56:57,279
- Do you have that?
- Sorry. Ziploc bags.
1094
00:56:57,281 --> 00:56:59,346
- Same thing, different word.
- Yeah. Exactly.
1095
00:56:59,348 --> 00:57:01,716
I probably would shy away
from the word "Ziploc"
1096
00:57:01,718 --> 00:57:03,450
because I try
to avoid name brands.
1097
00:57:03,452 --> 00:57:06,520
Okay, great. So, what brought
you guys back so soon?
1098
00:57:06,522 --> 00:57:09,524
We was headed for the Rockies,
but the goddamn Bolts...
1099
00:57:09,526 --> 00:57:11,359
- Bolts?
- Yeah.
1100
00:57:11,361 --> 00:57:12,961
The zombies
out on the plains.
1101
00:57:12,963 --> 00:57:15,196
They're a lot tougher
than what we're used to.
1102
00:57:15,198 --> 00:57:18,198
I guess because of all
the running and hunting.
1103
00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:20,368
So we call them Bolts,
as in Usain.
1104
00:57:20,370 --> 00:57:21,903
As in pretty fucking athletic.
1105
00:57:21,905 --> 00:57:23,772
No, that makes total sense.
1106
00:57:23,774 --> 00:57:26,274
- We call them T-800s.
- Terminator. Yes! I love it.
1107
00:57:26,276 --> 00:57:27,575
Really?
1108
00:57:27,577 --> 00:57:29,209
Yes. My favorite movie.
Well, T2.
1109
00:57:29,211 --> 00:57:31,044
Yeah, T2 is my
second favorite movie.
1110
00:57:31,046 --> 00:57:34,115
- What's number one?
- Uh, it's Fantasia.
1111
00:57:35,283 --> 00:57:36,883
Well, anyhow,
1112
00:57:36,885 --> 00:57:38,852
the Bolts' food sources
are running low,
1113
00:57:38,854 --> 00:57:40,955
so they're pushing east,
which is no bueno.
1114
00:57:40,957 --> 00:57:43,124
You know what else
is no bueno?
1115
00:57:43,126 --> 00:57:45,426
You murdered the Beast.
1116
00:57:45,428 --> 00:57:48,363
Yeah, well, let me
call AAA for you.
1117
00:57:48,365 --> 00:57:50,798
I'm sure they'll be right over.
1118
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:53,167
So you have to play
your cards as...
1119
00:57:53,169 --> 00:57:56,270
Whoo, that onesie was starting
to cut off my circulation.
1120
00:57:56,272 --> 00:57:59,207
- To your vagina?
- Your vagina.
1121
00:57:59,209 --> 00:58:01,207
What'll you have, Florida?
1122
00:58:01,209 --> 00:58:03,944
He strikes me as
the, uh, lemon drop type.
1123
00:58:03,946 --> 00:58:06,948
You know, something with an
umbrella or something like that.
1124
00:58:06,950 --> 00:58:09,551
I heard "something with
an umbrella." Make it two.
1125
00:58:09,553 --> 00:58:10,584
Three please. Three.
1126
00:58:10,586 --> 00:58:12,620
So that's your sidekick.
1127
00:58:12,622 --> 00:58:14,189
That's my partner.
1128
00:58:14,191 --> 00:58:16,790
You might look
at Flagstaff and think:
1129
00:58:16,792 --> 00:58:19,426
"Oh, he's a little slight,
diminutive."
1130
00:58:19,428 --> 00:58:23,298
Effeminate even, but he's
a real beast in battle. Yeah.
1131
00:58:23,300 --> 00:58:26,433
Come on. You're being sweet.
You sweet, sweet man. Thank you.
1132
00:58:26,435 --> 00:58:28,134
- Well, I love you.
- Love you too.
1133
00:58:28,136 --> 00:58:30,772
Yeah, you know, Tubbs
to my Crockett over here.
1134
00:58:30,774 --> 00:58:33,741
He may look a little bookish,
but he's an animal too.
1135
00:58:33,743 --> 00:58:36,444
He eats zombies for breakfast,
shits them out by lunch.
1136
00:58:36,446 --> 00:58:37,944
Cheers.
1137
00:58:37,946 --> 00:58:40,147
He shits out
everything by lunch.
1138
00:58:42,752 --> 00:58:45,019
What the hell was that?
1139
00:58:48,925 --> 00:58:50,524
They must have
followed you.
1140
00:58:50,526 --> 00:58:52,593
Oh, God, those are T-800s.
1141
00:58:52,595 --> 00:58:54,462
Or at the very least T-700s.
1142
00:58:54,464 --> 00:58:57,230
- There was no T-700.
- Yeah, T-800's the first model.
1143
00:58:57,232 --> 00:59:00,301
This is great,
having the two of you.
1144
00:59:00,303 --> 00:59:02,904
Okay.
Time to nut up or shut up.
1145
00:59:02,906 --> 00:59:05,774
That saying's very 2009.
1146
00:59:09,312 --> 00:59:12,145
- Okay. We got this.
- Ho!
1147
00:59:12,147 --> 00:59:14,415
You don't send a boy
to do a man's job.
1148
00:59:14,417 --> 00:59:16,750
We brought them here.
We'll take care of it.
1149
00:59:16,752 --> 00:59:19,285
Yeah, you know what?
Have at 'em.
1150
00:59:19,287 --> 00:59:21,421
You have a safe word
in case things go bad?
1151
00:59:21,423 --> 00:59:22,991
Heh, that's good.
Come on, Flag,
1152
00:59:22,993 --> 00:59:25,093
let's show these fuckers
how it's done.
1153
00:59:25,095 --> 00:59:27,160
Sure. You got it, boss.
1154
00:59:27,162 --> 00:59:29,663
Hasta la vista, baby.
Terminator 2.
1155
00:59:29,665 --> 00:59:31,999
- Remember?
- Ready, buddy?
1156
00:59:32,001 --> 00:59:34,167
He's so cool.
1157
00:59:34,169 --> 00:59:36,504
Whoo, heh, heh!
Suck these bullets!
1158
00:59:36,506 --> 00:59:37,973
Come on! Get you some!
1159
00:59:37,975 --> 00:59:40,975
Anybody else find those
two uniquely annoying?
1160
00:59:40,977 --> 00:59:43,413
- Get it!
- Uniquely? No.
1161
00:59:45,381 --> 00:59:47,182
Well, I don't love
their chances.
1162
00:59:47,184 --> 00:59:49,984
They ignored rule 52,
don't be afraid to ask for help.
1163
00:59:49,986 --> 00:59:52,319
Get fucked in the face, bitch!
1164
00:59:52,321 --> 00:59:53,988
- Flagstaff?
- Yeah, boss?
1165
00:59:53,990 --> 00:59:57,024
You made the all-star team
today. I mean, no kidding.
1166
00:59:57,026 --> 00:59:58,359
Unbelievable job.
1167
00:59:58,361 --> 01:00:00,227
And is it me,
or are those Bolts
1168
01:00:00,229 --> 01:00:02,330
they're just getting meaner
by the day?
1169
01:00:02,332 --> 01:00:05,332
- They're full-blown dickheads.
- I got an action shot of you
1170
01:00:05,334 --> 01:00:07,569
that's going right
into the scrapbook.
1171
01:00:07,571 --> 01:00:10,671
This is gonna be a good one.
You just keep raising the bar,
1172
01:00:10,673 --> 01:00:14,207
and that's why we will continue
to ride these highways together.
1173
01:00:14,209 --> 01:00:16,644
- I'm so proud of you.
- I learned from the best.
1174
01:00:16,646 --> 01:00:18,680
- Oh, come on now.
- Nice work, Querq.
1175
01:00:18,682 --> 01:00:20,048
Thank you. Thank you.
1176
01:00:20,050 --> 01:00:22,582
This is gonna be
a hell of a shot. Ha, ha!
1177
01:00:22,584 --> 01:00:25,051
It's so cool he let you
wear the hat.
1178
01:00:25,053 --> 01:00:26,587
- Querq?
- Yeah?
1179
01:00:26,589 --> 01:00:29,457
I think you got
a little something here.
1180
01:00:31,127 --> 01:00:32,625
Oh, what, that?
1181
01:00:34,196 --> 01:00:37,531
Oh, yeah, that's just...
That's just a tattoo.
1182
01:00:39,535 --> 01:00:42,470
Sorry, you got a tattoo
of a zombie bite?
1183
01:00:42,472 --> 01:00:46,374
No, it's just a tattoo
I got one night in Bernalillo.
1184
01:00:46,376 --> 01:00:47,276
Huh.
1185
01:00:48,443 --> 01:00:49,776
All right, everybody.
1186
01:00:49,778 --> 01:00:53,448
Just take it easy.
Everything's fine.
1187
01:00:53,450 --> 01:00:56,250
Nevada, why don't you whip up
some of your signature...
1188
01:01:00,256 --> 01:01:02,890
All right.
That was a little weird, huh?
1189
01:01:02,892 --> 01:01:05,959
- Yeah.
- All right. Just calm down.
1190
01:01:05,961 --> 01:01:07,895
We'll just
have a drink, you know.
1191
01:01:09,198 --> 01:01:12,234
So we can just kind
of celeb... Celeb...
1192
01:01:15,303 --> 01:01:17,537
Excuse me. It's okay.
1193
01:01:17,539 --> 01:01:20,073
It's just nerves
from the fight. Just...
1194
01:01:21,209 --> 01:01:22,609
Uh, you guys, I think
1195
01:01:22,611 --> 01:01:24,812
Albuquerque might be infected.
1196
01:01:24,814 --> 01:01:26,613
Me? I'm infected?
1197
01:01:27,651 --> 01:01:28,982
You got bit twice.
1198
01:01:28,984 --> 01:01:31,017
- Ah, Flagstaff!
- No, no. That's a lie.
1199
01:01:31,019 --> 01:01:33,020
Trust me. Okay? Trust me.
1200
01:01:33,022 --> 01:01:34,656
I don't get bit.
I never get bit.
1201
01:01:34,658 --> 01:01:36,790
I don't get bit either.
We're slippery.
1202
01:01:36,792 --> 01:01:38,158
- See?
- I know. Are you okay?
1203
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:40,294
- I'm fine. I'm totally fine.
- You are?
1204
01:01:40,296 --> 01:01:42,366
- I'm fine.
- Okay, he's fine. He's fine.
1205
01:01:43,466 --> 01:01:45,165
No, he's not fine. No.
1206
01:01:45,167 --> 01:01:49,169
No. You're starting to look
like a T-800. Terminator 2.
1207
01:01:51,374 --> 01:01:52,809
No. No, no, no!
1208
01:01:53,843 --> 01:01:55,676
No!
1209
01:01:55,678 --> 01:01:56,776
Aah!
1210
01:01:56,778 --> 01:01:59,446
Move! Move!
Get out of the way.
1211
01:01:59,448 --> 01:02:01,582
Aah! Aah!
1212
01:02:01,584 --> 01:02:02,519
Ow!
1213
01:02:05,354 --> 01:02:06,754
No! No!
1214
01:02:08,258 --> 01:02:09,622
Flagstaff, you're breaking
1215
01:02:09,624 --> 01:02:11,394
like 10 commandments right now!
1216
01:02:17,365 --> 01:02:20,236
This is for what you did
to the Beast! Unh!
1217
01:02:21,838 --> 01:02:22,870
Sorry!
1218
01:02:24,606 --> 01:02:25,839
- How you doing?
- Bad!
1219
01:02:25,841 --> 01:02:27,441
- How are you?
- Bad!
1220
01:02:29,111 --> 01:02:30,981
Sorry, shoes. Sorry, Elvis.
1221
01:02:37,988 --> 01:02:39,388
Oh, shit. Oh!
1222
01:02:41,022 --> 01:02:43,991
- How you doing now?
- Still bad! You wanna switch?
1223
01:02:43,993 --> 01:02:46,761
Switch?
How would that benefit me?
1224
01:02:54,836 --> 01:02:55,905
Shit!
1225
01:03:03,046 --> 01:03:06,883
- Help! Shoot him! Shoot him!
- I don't wanna hit you!
1226
01:03:11,720 --> 01:03:12,886
Shit.
1227
01:03:12,888 --> 01:03:15,459
Gun, gun, gun! Oh, shit!
1228
01:03:18,495 --> 01:03:20,428
Stop shooting! I got this!
1229
01:03:20,430 --> 01:03:21,798
Great, because I'm reloading!
1230
01:03:30,872 --> 01:03:34,774
Don't swing! Don't swing!
Don't swing! Swing!
1231
01:03:34,776 --> 01:03:36,743
Shit!
1232
01:03:36,745 --> 01:03:39,479
No, no, no, not me!
Not me! Oh, fuck!
1233
01:03:39,481 --> 01:03:42,616
Hasta la vista, baby.
1234
01:03:42,618 --> 01:03:44,921
Thank you. Thank you very much.
1235
01:03:46,256 --> 01:03:48,988
Those guys are dicks.
1236
01:03:48,990 --> 01:03:50,625
Great job.
1237
01:03:50,627 --> 01:03:51,926
Thank you.
1238
01:03:51,928 --> 01:03:54,828
- Ah. Can I wear the hat?
- Oh, negatory.
1239
01:03:54,830 --> 01:03:58,499
- Cool.
- Zombie Kill of the Year?
1240
01:03:58,501 --> 01:04:01,636
Mm, sorry.
Not with the performance just turned in
1241
01:04:01,638 --> 01:04:03,337
by Matteo Bianchi
of Pisa, Italy.
1242
01:04:18,287 --> 01:04:20,189
Yeah, yeah. That Pisa.
1243
01:04:34,303 --> 01:04:35,771
Bravisimmo, Mateo.
1244
01:04:38,675 --> 01:04:41,642
Ahh, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
1245
01:04:41,644 --> 01:04:44,211
Jesus, Big Fat Death is right.
1246
01:04:44,213 --> 01:04:46,948
That thing is, like,
a huge rollover risk.
1247
01:04:46,950 --> 01:04:48,683
It is.
1248
01:04:48,685 --> 01:04:52,118
Hey, dude, I think you should
ask her to come with us.
1249
01:04:52,120 --> 01:04:53,354
- No, no, no.
- Come on, yes.
1250
01:04:53,356 --> 01:04:55,488
I think they make
a nice match.
1251
01:04:55,490 --> 01:04:57,457
Look, what have I been
telling you guys?
1252
01:04:57,459 --> 01:04:59,627
I'm trying to shed baggage,
not pick it up.
1253
01:04:59,629 --> 01:05:02,729
- Yeah.
- Besides, she wouldn't do that.
1254
01:05:02,731 --> 01:05:04,166
She's not the type.
1255
01:05:07,236 --> 01:05:08,805
Stay safe,
Sunshine State.
1256
01:05:10,772 --> 01:05:12,309
Excuse me.
1257
01:05:16,613 --> 01:05:18,345
Stay dangerous, Nevada.
1258
01:05:26,455 --> 01:05:30,558
Okay. Hey, no offense, but
my sister is still out there.
1259
01:05:30,560 --> 01:05:32,896
Wanna hit the old road.
1260
01:05:34,229 --> 01:05:36,398
If by some miracle
you don't die...
1261
01:05:38,133 --> 01:05:40,736
there's always room
in my driveway.
1262
01:05:43,405 --> 01:05:44,874
I best stay alive.
1263
01:05:47,609 --> 01:05:49,176
Okay, you're back. Good.
1264
01:05:49,178 --> 01:05:51,544
Do you know how to drive
one of these things?
1265
01:05:51,546 --> 01:05:54,848
I'm gonna just pop that puppy
off of there
1266
01:05:54,850 --> 01:05:57,350
and then you guys can jump in.
1267
01:05:57,352 --> 01:05:58,787
Nice.
1268
01:06:00,890 --> 01:06:03,758
She's a big old stallion,
but I can tame her.
1269
01:06:10,633 --> 01:06:12,102
Whoo!
1270
01:06:16,071 --> 01:06:17,171
Oh, shit.
1271
01:06:21,410 --> 01:06:24,080
- I think he's got the hang of it.
- Shit!
1272
01:06:25,214 --> 01:06:27,048
- No. No, no.
- No, no, no.
1273
01:06:27,050 --> 01:06:29,216
Goddamn motherfucker!
1274
01:06:29,218 --> 01:06:30,319
Got it.
1275
01:06:37,359 --> 01:06:40,928
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
1276
01:06:40,930 --> 01:06:42,632
Maybe you should
leave a note.
1277
01:06:44,234 --> 01:06:45,566
That's your department.
1278
01:06:50,439 --> 01:06:53,839
I... I just can't do it.
1279
01:06:53,841 --> 01:06:55,110
Yeah. I'll drive.
1280
01:07:01,783 --> 01:07:03,385
What was that?
1281
01:07:04,653 --> 01:07:05,919
Satisfying.
1282
01:07:11,593 --> 01:07:13,394
Teamwork. Always put
the team first.
1283
01:07:13,396 --> 01:07:15,495
I can't believe
I didn't have that. Stupid.
1284
01:07:15,497 --> 01:07:17,932
You know, if Flagstaff
was so great,
1285
01:07:17,934 --> 01:07:21,301
then where was
the undeniably gorgeous
1286
01:07:21,303 --> 01:07:24,238
but emotionally inaccessible
Kansas City?
1287
01:07:24,240 --> 01:07:25,805
I don't know. Maybe she split
1288
01:07:25,807 --> 01:07:28,343
because she thought
they had a random relationship.
1289
01:07:28,345 --> 01:07:31,444
Or maybe she was
just about to come back
1290
01:07:31,446 --> 01:07:34,651
under the thinly veiled cover
of needing guns and ammo.
1291
01:07:35,850 --> 01:07:38,451
Wait,
what are you getting at?
1292
01:07:38,453 --> 01:07:41,020
I think you're smart enough
to figure it out...
1293
01:07:41,022 --> 01:07:43,024
Oh, my God.
1294
01:07:43,026 --> 01:07:45,058
You gotta be kidding me.
1295
01:07:45,060 --> 01:07:46,495
You gotta be kidding me.
1296
01:07:47,830 --> 01:07:49,897
You gotta be kidding me!
1297
01:07:49,899 --> 01:07:52,232
You gotta be fucking
kidding me.
1298
01:07:52,234 --> 01:07:53,834
Why the hell
is she still alive?
1299
01:07:53,836 --> 01:07:57,537
Oh, my God, I literally
missed you guys. Yay!
1300
01:07:57,539 --> 01:07:58,540
Oh, my God.
1301
01:08:00,242 --> 01:08:02,142
Whoa!
1302
01:08:02,144 --> 01:08:03,644
Just... No, just look ahead.
1303
01:08:03,646 --> 01:08:06,379
Hi, old guy!
1304
01:08:06,381 --> 01:08:07,814
Let's hang out.
1305
01:08:07,816 --> 01:08:09,584
- Ha-ha-ha!
- It is so weird to see you.
1306
01:08:09,586 --> 01:08:11,718
The last time I saw you,
you were like a...
1307
01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:13,187
- You were a zombie.
- I wish.
1308
01:08:13,189 --> 01:08:15,221
Stupid nut allergy.
1309
01:08:15,223 --> 01:08:16,857
- Nut allergy? Oh.
- Yeah.
1310
01:08:16,859 --> 01:08:19,460
Yeah, I think it was
the trail mix Wichita gave me.
1311
01:08:19,462 --> 01:08:21,562
Who knew there were nuts
in trail mix.
1312
01:08:21,564 --> 01:08:23,630
Not me. I thought it was vegan.
1313
01:08:23,632 --> 01:08:25,165
I kept trying to tell you
1314
01:08:25,167 --> 01:08:27,635
it was only an allergic
reaction, but you thought
1315
01:08:27,637 --> 01:08:30,036
- I was trying to bite you.
- Yeah, well...
1316
01:08:30,038 --> 01:08:33,740
- Not that you minded last time.
- Mm.
1317
01:08:33,742 --> 01:08:35,643
Thank you for shooting
over my head.
1318
01:08:35,645 --> 01:08:37,812
I was really just trying
to scare you off.
1319
01:08:37,814 --> 01:08:39,813
You're not gonna get rid
of me that easy.
1320
01:08:39,815 --> 01:08:41,415
- Oh, no!
- Ha-ha-ha.
1321
01:08:41,417 --> 01:08:45,085
There I was, hiding in
the woods, when I thought:
1322
01:08:45,087 --> 01:08:49,290
"I used to live in a freezer,
so why not a freezer on wheels?"
1323
01:08:49,292 --> 01:08:51,392
Can't argue
with that logic.
1324
01:08:51,394 --> 01:08:53,861
I really miss this.
1325
01:08:53,863 --> 01:08:55,895
Was that sarcasm?
1326
01:08:55,897 --> 01:08:57,532
Was it?
1327
01:08:57,534 --> 01:08:58,501
Mm-hm.
1328
01:09:03,306 --> 01:09:05,973
Why wouldn't we
just move to an island?
1329
01:09:05,975 --> 01:09:07,573
That's a really
good idea.
1330
01:09:07,575 --> 01:09:09,109
Then there
wouldn't be zombies.
1331
01:09:09,111 --> 01:09:10,611
- Right.
- Of course.
1332
01:09:10,613 --> 01:09:12,848
We should go
to Temptation Island.
1333
01:09:14,749 --> 01:09:16,884
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey.
1334
01:09:16,886 --> 01:09:18,385
- What?
- Hey, hey.
1335
01:09:18,387 --> 01:09:20,519
- Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
- Hey, hey.
1336
01:09:20,521 --> 01:09:22,355
Just... Just eyes
on the road.
1337
01:09:22,357 --> 01:09:25,024
Do you want me to change
the CD or anything?
1338
01:09:25,026 --> 01:09:26,693
Is this a CD playing?
1339
01:09:26,695 --> 01:09:28,228
- Yeah. It's Port...
- What is this?
1340
01:09:28,230 --> 01:09:30,264
It's Portishead.
1341
01:09:30,266 --> 01:09:32,633
- This is Portishead?
- Yeah. You know what's funny?
1342
01:09:32,635 --> 01:09:34,801
I used to think
it was called "Portashed"
1343
01:09:34,803 --> 01:09:37,603
until I went to one of
the concerts, and she explained.
1344
01:09:37,605 --> 01:09:39,273
Yeah, I would think
"Portasheed."
1345
01:09:39,275 --> 01:09:42,276
- Right. Yeah, that's funny.
- Yeah.
1346
01:09:42,278 --> 01:09:43,943
It was obvious to me
1347
01:09:43,945 --> 01:09:46,145
that Wichita and I
were meant to be together,
1348
01:09:46,147 --> 01:09:47,613
which is why Madison's return
1349
01:09:47,615 --> 01:09:49,250
could not have been
worse timing.
1350
01:09:49,252 --> 01:09:51,318
Of course, I was glad
she wasn't a zombie.
1351
01:09:51,320 --> 01:09:54,157
But couldn't she have just
gone back to her mall fridge?
1352
01:09:56,825 --> 01:09:59,294
Hey. Hey, look,
look, look. Look.
1353
01:10:03,031 --> 01:10:04,130
Look.
1354
01:10:07,770 --> 01:10:10,437
We made it to Baby-lon.
1355
01:10:10,439 --> 01:10:14,008
If you hear more than
the usual excitement in my voice,
1356
01:10:14,010 --> 01:10:15,776
it's for two reasons.
1357
01:10:15,778 --> 01:10:18,511
One, we may have caught up
to Little Rock,
1358
01:10:18,513 --> 01:10:19,714
for real this time.
1359
01:10:19,716 --> 01:10:21,247
And two, we may have
1360
01:10:21,249 --> 01:10:23,483
finally found our forever home,
1361
01:10:23,485 --> 01:10:25,786
which is what I've been
looking for all along.
1362
01:10:25,788 --> 01:10:29,290
- Whoa, Babylon.
- I love that song.
1363
01:10:29,292 --> 01:10:32,091
- Hm?
- This place is soy cute.
1364
01:10:37,266 --> 01:10:40,332
- Whoa, Jesus!
- What the fuck?
1365
01:10:40,334 --> 01:10:43,536
- Enjoy the little things.
- My bags were in there!
1366
01:10:43,538 --> 01:10:46,340
- No, they weren't.
- No guns allowed!
1367
01:10:48,377 --> 01:10:50,977
I like this place already.
You got a sense of humor.
1368
01:10:50,979 --> 01:10:52,712
No guns allowed.
1369
01:10:52,714 --> 01:10:57,318
I'm not giving up my guns under
any circumstances, period-o.
1370
01:10:57,320 --> 01:11:00,220
Well, then, there's no way
you're getting up to Babylon.
1371
01:11:00,222 --> 01:11:02,257
You know, you could
always wait in the car.
1372
01:11:05,928 --> 01:11:07,763
Do you wanna see
Little Rock or not?
1373
01:11:21,709 --> 01:11:23,510
There she is!
1374
01:11:23,512 --> 01:11:25,644
I'm on a 40-day bowel blast.
1375
01:11:25,646 --> 01:11:26,915
Little Rock.
1376
01:11:28,484 --> 01:11:31,318
- Hey.
- Hi.
1377
01:11:31,320 --> 01:11:32,719
What are you guys
doing here?
1378
01:11:32,721 --> 01:11:34,354
I am so glad you're safe.
1379
01:11:34,356 --> 01:11:36,023
- Wow, okay.
- Oh, my God.
1380
01:11:36,025 --> 01:11:37,425
- Come here.
- Hello.
1381
01:11:37,427 --> 01:11:39,260
Seriously, what are
you doing here?
1382
01:11:39,262 --> 01:11:41,362
Hey, we don't leave
each other.
1383
01:11:41,364 --> 01:11:42,996
I know, I know.
I'm really sorry.
1384
01:11:42,998 --> 01:11:45,198
Make me a pact.
No more notes. Ever.
1385
01:11:45,200 --> 01:11:47,067
- No more notes. Ever.
- Ever. Great.
1386
01:11:47,069 --> 01:11:48,937
Just so you know,
there's no group sex.
1387
01:11:50,272 --> 01:11:52,406
- Okay, fine, group sex.
- Oh, whoa.
1388
01:11:52,408 --> 01:11:54,741
Hey, Wichita. That means
you're Columbus,
1389
01:11:54,743 --> 01:11:56,911
and that makes you Tallahassee.
1390
01:11:56,913 --> 01:11:58,911
- Berkeley?
- You're from Berkeley?
1391
01:11:58,913 --> 01:12:00,746
- You're Berkeley?
- No, come on.
1392
01:12:00,748 --> 01:12:02,983
What are the chances
we're both from Berkeley?
1393
01:12:02,985 --> 01:12:04,919
- Berkeley!
- Calm down, calm down. Okay?
1394
01:12:04,921 --> 01:12:07,287
Thank you for coming
to check up on me, I guess.
1395
01:12:07,289 --> 01:12:10,057
But you have to understand
these people are peaceful,
1396
01:12:10,059 --> 01:12:11,791
and they're friendly and nice.
1397
01:12:11,793 --> 01:12:14,493
And honestly, I don't think
you're gonna fit in here.
1398
01:12:14,495 --> 01:12:17,930
- They melted our fucking weapons!
- This is exactly what I meant.
1399
01:12:17,932 --> 01:12:20,567
Guys, I think
we should stay.
1400
01:12:20,569 --> 01:12:23,304
- You don't get a vote.
- I do get a vote.
1401
01:12:23,306 --> 01:12:25,438
Haven't you ever heard
of women suffering?
1402
01:12:25,440 --> 01:12:26,643
Women's suffrage?
1403
01:12:27,743 --> 01:12:29,643
- No, honey.
- Oh, boy.
1404
01:12:29,645 --> 01:12:31,379
- Who the hell is this?
- I'm Madison.
1405
01:12:31,381 --> 01:12:32,946
- Don't say it.
- You'll love this.
1406
01:12:32,948 --> 01:12:35,648
- Don't say it.
- That's Columbus' girlfriend.
1407
01:12:35,650 --> 01:12:36,983
It's official.
1408
01:12:36,985 --> 01:12:38,152
Wow, you just didn't
1409
01:12:38,154 --> 01:12:39,719
waste any time, did you?
1410
01:12:39,721 --> 01:12:42,421
- Well, thank you for your vote.
- And you're welcome.
1411
01:12:42,423 --> 01:12:45,593
Okay. I'm late for my
drum circle, so I gotta go.
1412
01:12:45,595 --> 01:12:46,826
Hey, Little Rock!
1413
01:12:46,828 --> 01:12:48,629
Sorry about that.
1414
01:12:58,641 --> 01:13:00,340
Seeing Little Rock safe
1415
01:13:00,342 --> 01:13:02,341
and surrounded by friends
her own age,
1416
01:13:02,343 --> 01:13:05,612
Tallahassee realized
his nest was now empty.
1417
01:13:05,614 --> 01:13:07,947
And he began to hear
the call of the buffalo.
1418
01:13:14,690 --> 01:13:16,889
All right, I'm ready!
1419
01:13:16,891 --> 01:13:19,326
Come on, don't be
so Gloria Glum.
1420
01:13:19,328 --> 01:13:20,960
I told you guys
I was leaving.
1421
01:13:20,962 --> 01:13:22,864
So, what, you're
just gonna split?
1422
01:13:25,367 --> 01:13:29,202
It's time. Gotta set out
on my own adventures.
1423
01:13:29,204 --> 01:13:31,136
Little Rock's
safe,
1424
01:13:31,138 --> 01:13:34,077
and, uh,
a lone wolf's gotta hunt.
1425
01:13:35,377 --> 01:13:36,844
So where are you gonna go?
1426
01:13:36,846 --> 01:13:39,716
The direction's
the destination. West.
1427
01:13:42,017 --> 01:13:44,350
West is that way.
1428
01:13:44,352 --> 01:13:48,889
Yeah. Anyway, like the title of
a great Phil Collins song:
1429
01:13:48,891 --> 01:13:52,526
"If You Love Somebody,
Set Them Free."
1430
01:13:52,528 --> 01:13:54,961
- Pretty sure that wasn't him.
- Pretty sure it was.
1431
01:13:54,963 --> 01:13:57,265
- No, it was someone else.
- Pretty sure it was him.
1432
01:13:59,235 --> 01:14:01,001
Yeah. Peace.
1433
01:14:01,003 --> 01:14:05,604
Uh, I'm not much
for goodbyes, so...
1434
01:14:05,606 --> 01:14:07,273
Just don't say
the pig thing.
1435
01:14:07,275 --> 01:14:09,376
Keep your tits dry.
1436
01:14:09,378 --> 01:14:11,778
- Oh, okay.
- Didn't see that coming, right?
1437
01:14:11,780 --> 01:14:13,712
I would've rather
the pig thing.
1438
01:14:18,454 --> 01:14:19,455
Hey.
1439
01:14:20,888 --> 01:14:23,325
Hey, don't do nothing
I wouldn't not do.
1440
01:14:24,927 --> 01:14:27,126
- You get what I'm saying.
- Not really, no.
1441
01:14:27,128 --> 01:14:28,728
No? Okay.
1442
01:14:29,864 --> 01:14:32,734
Anyway, gonna miss you guys.
1443
01:14:41,110 --> 01:14:43,242
I will never forget you,
what's-his-name.
1444
01:14:43,244 --> 01:14:45,444
- See you, pals.
- It's Tallahassee. I told you.
1445
01:14:45,446 --> 01:14:47,214
Sally Tally!
1446
01:14:57,226 --> 01:15:01,161
♪ Give me a
home Where the buffalo roam ♪
1447
01:15:01,163 --> 01:15:05,765
♪ And the deer
And the antelope play ♪
1448
01:15:05,767 --> 01:15:10,236
♪ Where seldom is heard
A discouraging word ♪
1449
01:15:10,238 --> 01:15:11,904
♪ And the skies are not... ♪
1450
01:15:18,814 --> 01:15:20,615
T-800s.
1451
01:15:23,517 --> 01:15:24,619
That decides it.
1452
01:15:39,266 --> 01:15:40,535
♪ Kumbaya ♪
1453
01:15:41,971 --> 01:15:43,937
♪ Kumbaya, Buddha ♪
1454
01:15:43,939 --> 01:15:46,809
Everybody.
♪ Kumbaya ♪
1455
01:15:48,744 --> 01:15:51,143
Coming to you. Oh!
1456
01:15:51,145 --> 01:15:53,246
There it is. Let's start again.
1457
01:15:53,248 --> 01:15:55,115
Oh, it's all right.
I got it.
1458
01:15:55,117 --> 01:15:57,318
Excuse me. Yes. I got it.
1459
01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:59,486
- You're supposed to kick it back.
- Really?
1460
01:15:59,488 --> 01:16:02,458
- You never seen hacky sack?
- I thought it's like hopscotch.
1461
01:16:04,126 --> 01:16:06,792
- Salty Taffy's back!
- Holy shit!
1462
01:16:06,794 --> 01:16:10,295
Hey, T-800s, a whole swarm
of them, heading right this way.
1463
01:16:10,297 --> 01:16:14,567
Those goddamn fireworks
might as well be a dinner bell!
1464
01:16:14,569 --> 01:16:17,170
Stop the fireworks!
Stop the music!
1465
01:16:17,172 --> 01:16:19,139
Everybody shut the fuck up!
1466
01:16:19,141 --> 01:16:20,240
Shut up.
1467
01:16:20,242 --> 01:16:21,907
Question:
1468
01:16:21,909 --> 01:16:24,544
Did you melt all the weapons?
1469
01:16:24,546 --> 01:16:27,013
Yeah, that's how we made
these peace thingies.
1470
01:16:27,015 --> 01:16:28,948
- Oh, Jesus.
- My guns!
1471
01:16:28,950 --> 01:16:31,050
Hey. Hello.
I got something going.
1472
01:16:31,052 --> 01:16:32,885
I think I might have a plan.
1473
01:16:32,887 --> 01:16:35,054
- Oh.
- What?
1474
01:16:35,056 --> 01:16:37,991
Heh, I got nothing.
I'm just a songwriter.
1475
01:16:37,993 --> 01:16:39,859
No. No, you're
a song transcriber.
1476
01:16:39,861 --> 01:16:41,694
- Listen, Berkeley?
- Yeah?
1477
01:16:41,696 --> 01:16:43,529
I don't think this
is gonna work out.
1478
01:16:43,531 --> 01:16:45,031
Even 12-year-olds know
1479
01:16:45,033 --> 01:16:47,367
who Bob Dylan is,
you fucking poser.
1480
01:16:47,369 --> 01:16:50,504
Oh, my God. I'm not gonna lie,
I have truly enjoyed
1481
01:16:50,506 --> 01:16:53,173
this moment, but there
are zombies approaching.
1482
01:16:53,175 --> 01:16:57,309
Okay. Uh, Civil War general,
you must know how to fight?
1483
01:16:57,311 --> 01:16:58,577
Sure.
1484
01:16:58,579 --> 01:17:02,182
Poverty, sexism,
social injustice.
1485
01:17:02,184 --> 01:17:04,651
- We could try running.
- I'm done running.
1486
01:17:04,653 --> 01:17:07,787
I mean, what good is a home
if you can't stay in it?
1487
01:17:07,789 --> 01:17:10,355
- Columbus.
- Yes, Thor?
1488
01:17:10,357 --> 01:17:12,091
You're gonna make me
cry right now.
1489
01:17:12,093 --> 01:17:13,593
- No, please don't.
- Oh, my God.
1490
01:17:13,595 --> 01:17:15,461
Okay. I moved through it.
1491
01:17:15,463 --> 01:17:18,098
From where I stand, there's
only one thing we can do.
1492
01:17:18,100 --> 01:17:19,802
Group sex.
Right?
1493
01:17:21,235 --> 01:17:23,004
No. Um...
1494
01:17:24,306 --> 01:17:26,471
We'll fight them.
1495
01:17:26,473 --> 01:17:29,776
You'll be the first to die,
but I like your enthusiasm.
1496
01:17:29,778 --> 01:17:32,347
- You might die.
- Thank you for your sacrifice.
1497
01:17:35,717 --> 01:17:37,951
All right,
everybody, listen up.
1498
01:17:37,953 --> 01:17:41,888
They outnumber us 100 times,
but they ain't got what we do.
1499
01:17:41,890 --> 01:17:43,590
- Guns?
- We don't have guns.
1500
01:17:43,592 --> 01:17:45,157
- What?
- What we do have
1501
01:17:45,159 --> 01:17:48,594
is heart, brains
and biodiesel.
1502
01:17:48,596 --> 01:17:50,330
We're gonna light
these zombies up
1503
01:17:50,332 --> 01:17:52,398
like it's the Fourth of July.
1504
01:17:52,400 --> 01:17:54,166
Then we hit the stragglers.
1505
01:17:54,168 --> 01:17:56,636
What we do is
we form a gauntlet.
1506
01:17:58,138 --> 01:18:00,439
One, two, three, yah!
1507
01:18:00,441 --> 01:18:02,943
- Then we mop them up.
- Sick.
1508
01:18:02,945 --> 01:18:05,844
- This is gonna work, right?
- It has to.
1509
01:18:16,057 --> 01:18:17,292
- Rolling. Whoa!
- Whoa, whoa!
1510
01:18:23,598 --> 01:18:24,964
- Keep screwing.
- Yeah, I am.
1511
01:18:24,966 --> 01:18:26,602
- Keep screwing.
- I am.
1512
01:18:41,283 --> 01:18:42,648
No turning back now.
1513
01:18:42,650 --> 01:18:45,419
Okay, there we go.
1514
01:18:45,421 --> 01:18:46,521
Nice.
1515
01:18:49,658 --> 01:18:51,758
Yeah. Oh, that's gonna work.
1516
01:18:54,128 --> 01:18:55,461
- Oh!
- Oh, that's pretty.
1517
01:18:55,463 --> 01:18:57,130
That means the zombies
are coming!
1518
01:18:57,132 --> 01:18:58,831
The zombies are coming!
1519
01:18:58,833 --> 01:19:01,704
- Time to nut up or shut up.
- You need a new line.
1520
01:19:03,270 --> 01:19:05,037
Let's kick some dicks.
1521
01:19:05,039 --> 01:19:07,974
Just because it rhymes doesn't
make it a great catchphrase.
1522
01:19:07,976 --> 01:19:09,608
- What's her problem?
- I don't know.
1523
01:19:09,610 --> 01:19:11,413
I like it when it rhymes.
1524
01:19:12,881 --> 01:19:15,180
- Here we go.
- Okay.
1525
01:19:31,932 --> 01:19:33,700
- Zombies, they're coming!
- Oh, dear.
1526
01:19:33,702 --> 01:19:36,102
Look out, guys!
Here they come. They're coming!
1527
01:19:36,104 --> 01:19:37,272
Battle stations!
1528
01:19:40,909 --> 01:19:41,811
Light them up!
1529
01:19:58,360 --> 01:20:00,896
Let's go, let's go!
Get up to safety.
1530
01:20:16,177 --> 01:20:17,613
Here we go.
1531
01:20:29,891 --> 01:20:32,259
Okay now, blow!
1532
01:20:32,261 --> 01:20:36,528
Come on. Now would be
an ideal time to blow.
1533
01:20:36,530 --> 01:20:38,967
- It's not working.
- Damn!
1534
01:20:44,873 --> 01:20:45,904
God!
1535
01:20:45,906 --> 01:20:47,439
Holy shit.
It worked.
1536
01:20:47,441 --> 01:20:49,776
- Oh, my God.
- Okay.
1537
01:20:49,778 --> 01:20:52,045
Okay. Here, now we
mop up the stragglers.
1538
01:20:52,047 --> 01:20:53,647
Okay. Yeah.
1539
01:20:57,052 --> 01:20:58,384
Oh, shit.
1540
01:20:58,386 --> 01:21:00,286
Would those be
considered stragglers?
1541
01:21:00,288 --> 01:21:02,123
Oh, boy. Here they come.
1542
01:21:03,458 --> 01:21:05,027
Get ready!
1543
01:21:15,037 --> 01:21:18,104
Kill those motherfuckers!
1544
01:21:32,354 --> 01:21:35,787
Well, guys, I hate to say this.
1545
01:21:35,789 --> 01:21:38,159
I think this might be
the end of the road.
1546
01:21:40,994 --> 01:21:42,527
- Come here.
- I love you guys.
1547
01:21:42,529 --> 01:21:44,499
- I love you more.
- We had a hell of a run.
1548
01:21:47,302 --> 01:21:48,771
Oh, my God.
They're gonna die.
1549
01:22:00,582 --> 01:22:01,717
Oh!
1550
01:22:05,020 --> 01:22:06,088
Hey!
1551
01:22:13,028 --> 01:22:15,527
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
1552
01:22:15,529 --> 01:22:17,432
Thank God for rednecks!
1553
01:22:26,007 --> 01:22:27,674
- Need a ride?
- Oh, yeah.
1554
01:22:27,676 --> 01:22:29,111
- Get in.
- Let's go!
1555
01:22:33,213 --> 01:22:36,582
- Are y'all strapped in yet?
- Yep. Strapping in now.
1556
01:22:36,584 --> 01:22:38,518
- Rule four. Got it.
- You too.
1557
01:22:38,520 --> 01:22:41,223
I'm not a pussy like Columbus.
Nothing personal.
1558
01:22:42,656 --> 01:22:44,057
- Oh, God!
- Shit!
1559
01:22:44,059 --> 01:22:45,561
- Seatbelts are for a reason.
- Yep.
1560
01:22:49,696 --> 01:22:51,496
I'm feeling
a little nauseous.
1561
01:22:51,498 --> 01:22:54,067
- Can somebody crack a window?
- Oh, no, you don't.
1562
01:22:54,069 --> 01:22:55,768
Whoa!
1563
01:22:55,770 --> 01:22:57,437
- Roll down the window.
- That won't...
1564
01:22:57,439 --> 01:22:59,441
If you get sick,
we all get sick.
1565
01:23:01,243 --> 01:23:03,108
Woo-hoo!
1566
01:23:03,110 --> 01:23:04,944
Okay, okay. Oh, God.
1567
01:23:04,946 --> 01:23:07,080
Could you pull over
so I can get eaten?
1568
01:23:07,082 --> 01:23:08,316
It'll be more comfortable.
1569
01:23:11,753 --> 01:23:14,121
Whoo!
1570
01:23:14,123 --> 01:23:15,491
- Oh, shit. Watch out!
- Do it!
1571
01:23:20,895 --> 01:23:21,996
Woo-hoo!
1572
01:23:24,132 --> 01:23:26,832
Oh, my God, you are sexy.
1573
01:23:26,834 --> 01:23:29,471
Can you not say "sexy"?
I'm already nauseous.
1574
01:23:34,810 --> 01:23:37,713
Shit, Shit, shit!
Oh, shit.
1575
01:23:38,946 --> 01:23:40,078
Shit.
1576
01:23:40,080 --> 01:23:41,514
- Shit!
- You guys okay?
1577
01:23:41,516 --> 01:23:43,282
Thank you for flying
Big Fat Death.
1578
01:23:43,284 --> 01:23:44,750
Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go!
1579
01:23:44,752 --> 01:23:46,952
I told you these things
were a rollover risk!
1580
01:23:46,954 --> 01:23:48,621
- We gotta move!
- Come on!
1581
01:23:48,623 --> 01:23:51,491
Hurry! Hurry! They're coming!
1582
01:23:51,493 --> 01:23:53,460
- Oh, no!
- Come on! Here they come!
1583
01:23:53,462 --> 01:23:54,997
- Go, go, go!
- Shit.
1584
01:23:56,131 --> 01:23:57,496
- Come on!
- Oh, shit!
1585
01:23:57,498 --> 01:23:59,933
Come on!
1586
01:23:59,935 --> 01:24:01,303
- Oh, shit!
- Shit!
1587
01:24:03,605 --> 01:24:04,573
Whoa!
1588
01:24:09,778 --> 01:24:10,810
- Thank you.
- Thank you!
1589
01:24:10,812 --> 01:24:12,545
- Oh, my God!
- Yes!
1590
01:24:12,547 --> 01:24:14,147
Here they come!
1591
01:24:18,954 --> 01:24:20,756
- Go, get in. Go, go, go!
- Go, go, go!
1592
01:24:24,592 --> 01:24:25,591
Run!
1593
01:24:28,629 --> 01:24:31,699
- I'm out of bullets!
- Guys, go! I'm right behind you!
1594
01:24:34,802 --> 01:24:37,872
Get in position! Form the
gauntlet! I'll hold them off!
1595
01:24:41,176 --> 01:24:43,512
Donkey Kong, motherfuckers!
1596
01:25:08,869 --> 01:25:11,371
You can't write
the history of Zombieland
1597
01:25:11,373 --> 01:25:15,207
without telling the story
of one momentous day.
1598
01:25:15,209 --> 01:25:18,210
The day one free man
made the ultimate sacrifice
1599
01:25:18,212 --> 01:25:21,346
and paid respect
to the Blackfoot ancestors
1600
01:25:21,348 --> 01:25:23,217
he may or may not have had.
1601
01:25:25,285 --> 01:25:28,854
The day he led the first,
the last, the only
1602
01:25:28,856 --> 01:25:30,225
great American zombie jump.
1603
01:25:58,887 --> 01:26:00,620
Zombie Kill of the Year?
1604
01:26:00,622 --> 01:26:02,288
Century.
1605
01:26:02,290 --> 01:26:04,924
Only one problem.
Well, okay, two.
1606
01:26:07,628 --> 01:26:08,596
Oh!
1607
01:26:13,467 --> 01:26:15,300
- Hey!
- Tallahassee!
1608
01:26:15,302 --> 01:26:18,136
- Hang on, we're coming.
- Hold on.
1609
01:26:18,138 --> 01:26:19,471
- Help! I'm falling!
- Shit!
1610
01:26:19,473 --> 01:26:21,340
We can't help you.
1611
01:26:21,342 --> 01:26:22,841
Guys! Help me!
1612
01:26:22,843 --> 01:26:25,344
- Shit. What should we do?
- Throw something at them.
1613
01:26:25,346 --> 01:26:28,113
Oh, shit. Okay. Shit. Sorry.
1614
01:26:28,115 --> 01:26:31,084
Wha... You hit me in the nuts
with a hacky sack!
1615
01:26:31,086 --> 01:26:32,318
- Sorry.
- What?
1616
01:26:32,320 --> 01:26:34,756
I'm losing my grip.
I'm gonna fall.
1617
01:26:36,123 --> 01:26:38,457
No! Oh, no!
1618
01:26:52,239 --> 01:26:53,876
Long live the King.
1619
01:26:55,276 --> 01:26:57,510
- Oh.
- Ew.
1620
01:26:57,512 --> 01:26:59,444
Guys! I'm still here!
1621
01:26:59,446 --> 01:27:01,413
- Give me your hand!
- Hold my arm.
1622
01:27:01,415 --> 01:27:04,082
- Kick your foot out.
- Goddamn it, Columbus!
1623
01:27:04,084 --> 01:27:05,518
Point your toe!
1624
01:27:05,520 --> 01:27:07,319
This human chain thing
is a terrible idea!
1625
01:27:07,321 --> 01:27:08,688
- Guh!
- I can't reach.
1626
01:27:08,690 --> 01:27:10,523
Kick it, kick it. I got it.
1627
01:27:10,525 --> 01:27:12,157
Pull, pull.
1628
01:27:12,159 --> 01:27:14,126
Okay. I got you.
1629
01:27:14,128 --> 01:27:15,460
Okay.
1630
01:27:15,462 --> 01:27:17,662
Oh, man. Are you okay?
1631
01:27:17,664 --> 01:27:19,532
- Yeah.
- That was amazing.
1632
01:27:19,534 --> 01:27:21,503
Oh... Thank you.
1633
01:27:22,803 --> 01:27:23,805
Hey.
1634
01:27:26,707 --> 01:27:28,174
You kept the gun?
1635
01:27:28,176 --> 01:27:30,643
How could I give up
my favorite Christmas present?
1636
01:27:30,645 --> 01:27:32,344
Why didn't you
pull it out sooner?
1637
01:27:32,346 --> 01:27:34,913
I forget about it but...
I smoked a lot of weed.
1638
01:27:36,985 --> 01:27:38,420
Chip off the old block.
1639
01:27:41,722 --> 01:27:43,555
Yes.
1640
01:27:43,557 --> 01:27:45,927
Yes?
Oh, yes, yes?
1641
01:27:47,061 --> 01:27:48,030
Yes, yes.
1642
01:27:49,597 --> 01:27:50,763
Yes, yes, yes?
1643
01:27:50,765 --> 01:27:52,665
- Yes. Yes.
- Yes?
1644
01:27:52,667 --> 01:27:53,735
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
1645
01:27:56,171 --> 01:27:57,937
What changed your mind?
1646
01:27:57,939 --> 01:28:00,642
Because Zombieland or not,
we're meant to be together.
1647
01:28:04,079 --> 01:28:08,881
So basically, that means
this belongs to her.
1648
01:28:08,883 --> 01:28:11,951
Oh, hm. Cool.
1649
01:28:11,953 --> 01:28:13,618
Thank you.
1650
01:28:13,620 --> 01:28:15,086
Okay.
1651
01:28:17,458 --> 01:28:19,425
- Okay. Are you ready?
- Yeah.
1652
01:28:19,427 --> 01:28:20,760
- Okay. I'm good.
- Okay.
1653
01:28:20,762 --> 01:28:23,263
- Yeah, do the damn thing. Yeah.
- Okay.
1654
01:28:23,265 --> 01:28:26,432
- Great. Which hand do I...?
- This one.
1655
01:28:26,434 --> 01:28:27,802
- Okay.
- Okay, yes. Here we go.
1656
01:28:32,339 --> 01:28:33,742
Wow.
1657
01:28:34,943 --> 01:28:36,211
Come here.
1658
01:28:40,714 --> 01:28:42,916
Nicely done.
1659
01:28:42,918 --> 01:28:46,885
I'm gonna walk that little
spitfuck down the aisle.
1660
01:28:46,887 --> 01:28:49,555
It's a good thing
you didn't die, then.
1661
01:28:49,557 --> 01:28:50,825
Washoe County.
1662
01:28:53,394 --> 01:28:56,228
- What?
- Washoe County, Nevada.
1663
01:28:56,230 --> 01:28:58,096
Ah, Reno.
1664
01:28:58,098 --> 01:29:00,002
Biggest little city
in the world.
1665
01:29:07,542 --> 01:29:08,808
- Just go for it.
- Thank you.
1666
01:29:08,810 --> 01:29:10,542
- Sweet.
- Oh, my God.
1667
01:29:11,878 --> 01:29:12,978
What? What?
1668
01:29:12,980 --> 01:29:14,516
- Oh, my gosh!
- Shit!
1669
01:29:19,553 --> 01:29:23,255
- Homer. It's a long way down.
- Our work here is done.
1670
01:29:23,257 --> 01:29:24,822
Let's party!
1671
01:29:24,824 --> 01:29:26,293
- Come on!
- Yeah!
1672
01:29:27,462 --> 01:29:28,661
Wait for me.
1673
01:29:51,519 --> 01:29:56,621
Hell, this is
a 1955 Fleetwood Series 60. Hoo!
1674
01:29:56,623 --> 01:30:00,827
Every hair on my body
feels like a little wang.
1675
01:30:00,829 --> 01:30:03,196
- Yikes.
- Where to?
1676
01:30:03,198 --> 01:30:05,630
Mm, how about home?
1677
01:30:05,632 --> 01:30:06,732
Home?
1678
01:30:06,734 --> 01:30:07,869
- Yeah.
- Yes, good idea.
1679
01:30:09,870 --> 01:30:10,905
Where's home?
1680
01:30:12,539 --> 01:30:15,308
I think we're already there.
1681
01:30:15,310 --> 01:30:17,010
Because if our adventures
1682
01:30:17,012 --> 01:30:19,678
had taught us about anything,
it was home.
1683
01:30:19,680 --> 01:30:21,846
Wichita didn't need
to be afraid of it.
1684
01:30:21,848 --> 01:30:23,881
I didn't need
to keep looking for it.
1685
01:30:23,883 --> 01:30:27,687
Because home isn't a place,
it's the people you're with.
1686
01:30:27,689 --> 01:30:29,988
I guess that's why
they're called your homies.
1687
01:30:29,990 --> 01:30:32,224
And my homies
are pretty fucking awesome.
1688
01:30:32,226 --> 01:30:34,827
So till next time,
this is Columbus, Ohio,
1689
01:30:34,829 --> 01:30:37,028
on behalf of Wichita,
Little Rock,
1690
01:30:37,030 --> 01:30:38,331
Reno and Tallahassee,
1691
01:30:38,333 --> 01:30:42,166
saying hasta la vista, baby.
1692
01:30:42,168 --> 01:30:43,702
That one's for you, Flagstaff.
1693
01:30:50,244 --> 01:30:54,715
♪ Lord Almighty
I feel my temperature rising ♪
1694
01:30:56,851 --> 01:30:58,584
♪ Higher, higher ♪
1695
01:30:58,586 --> 01:31:01,021
♪ It's burning through
To my soul... ♪
1696
01:31:03,891 --> 01:31:06,224
Oh, hey.
Yeah, sorry. One more thing.
1697
01:31:06,226 --> 01:31:08,827
I'm feeling a little guilty
about what Nevada said.
1698
01:31:08,829 --> 01:31:11,496
You know, about Murraying
a certain you-know-who?
1699
01:31:11,498 --> 01:31:13,232
Yeah, my bad.
I blew a hole
1700
01:31:13,234 --> 01:31:15,667
through the finest comic actor
of our generation.
1701
01:31:15,669 --> 01:31:18,269
But I would love to make it up
to you, to all of you.
1702
01:31:18,271 --> 01:31:21,005
And for that,
we gotta go back to 2009.
1703
01:31:24,412 --> 01:31:25,777
Welcome, everyone,
1704
01:31:25,779 --> 01:31:27,913
to the Garfield 3: Flabby Tabby
junket.
1705
01:31:27,915 --> 01:31:29,448
You'll each have five minutes.
1706
01:31:29,450 --> 01:31:31,751
Please keep your questions
focused on the film
1707
01:31:31,753 --> 01:31:33,452
and don't go off-topic.
1708
01:31:33,454 --> 01:31:35,621
The idea of a
trilogy was something...
1709
01:31:35,623 --> 01:31:39,090
As an artist,
you think the great ones:
1710
01:31:39,092 --> 01:31:41,059
Godfather and...
1711
01:31:41,061 --> 01:31:43,161
uh, Lethal Weapon.
1712
01:31:43,163 --> 01:31:46,999
But the question is,
why in the world Garfield 3?
1713
01:31:47,001 --> 01:31:49,300
- Can this be just between us?
- Yes.
1714
01:31:49,302 --> 01:31:51,336
Drugs cost money.
1715
01:31:51,338 --> 01:31:53,072
And I have to say,
as an actor,
1716
01:31:53,074 --> 01:31:55,773
how many of your nine lives
do you think you have left?
1717
01:31:55,775 --> 01:31:59,312
Well, I've done three of these.
Three Garfields.
1718
01:31:59,314 --> 01:32:00,612
So that's six.
1719
01:32:00,614 --> 01:32:02,581
The essence of Garfield,
I think...
1720
01:32:02,583 --> 01:32:03,648
Right.
1721
01:32:03,650 --> 01:32:05,850
...is the hairball.
1722
01:32:05,852 --> 01:32:08,319
Didn't I say? I had a feeling
this would come up.
1723
01:32:12,827 --> 01:32:15,027
You don't wanna do the hairball
really quick?
1724
01:32:15,029 --> 01:32:16,795
- No.
- Can you try now?
1725
01:32:16,797 --> 01:32:19,365
- Give me a little hairball now?
- Come on.
1726
01:32:22,168 --> 01:32:23,238
Come on.
1727
01:32:29,177 --> 01:32:31,309
You know, how about if I
did it with you?
1728
01:32:31,311 --> 01:32:33,312
- Okay. Come on. Come on.
- That was close.
1729
01:32:33,314 --> 01:32:34,880
We'll do a selfie together.
1730
01:32:36,784 --> 01:32:38,216
Great. Great.
1731
01:32:41,254 --> 01:32:43,022
You all right, man?
1732
01:32:44,091 --> 01:32:45,323
All over the mike.
1733
01:32:45,325 --> 01:32:46,925
Can we get a baby wipe
for Al?
1734
01:32:46,927 --> 01:32:48,693
Maybe move him back
to his room?
1735
01:32:55,436 --> 01:32:57,205
Huge fan, Mr. Roker.
1736
01:32:59,539 --> 01:33:01,674
All right, Tim,
let's get out of here.
1737
01:33:01,676 --> 01:33:03,675
Somebody get my car.
I'm ready to go.
1738
01:33:03,677 --> 01:33:05,676
I've never seen Roker
behave that way.
1739
01:33:05,678 --> 01:33:07,045
That was crazy.
1740
01:33:07,047 --> 01:33:09,115
Sometimes it feels like
you against the world.
1741
01:33:09,117 --> 01:33:10,549
- Oh, my God.
- I think it is.
1742
01:33:16,723 --> 01:33:17,855
Oh, dear.
1743
01:33:17,857 --> 01:33:19,457
♪ Don't nobody worry 'bout me ♪
1744
01:33:21,128 --> 01:33:22,264
Excuse me?
1745
01:33:26,133 --> 01:33:28,733
♪ Do what you like ♪
1746
01:33:28,735 --> 01:33:30,536
♪ Doing it naturally ♪
1747
01:33:30,538 --> 01:33:32,237
Nice!
1748
01:33:32,239 --> 01:33:34,807
♪ But if it's too easy ♪
1749
01:33:34,809 --> 01:33:36,140
♪ They're gonna disagree ♪
1750
01:33:36,142 --> 01:33:37,509
Help me!
1751
01:33:37,511 --> 01:33:40,712
♪ It's your life ♪
1752
01:33:40,714 --> 01:33:43,284
Bill Murray! I love some
of your films. Help me!
1753
01:33:46,587 --> 01:33:48,123
I ain't afraid of no ghost.
1754
01:33:52,694 --> 01:33:54,663
Buenas tardes, señorita.
1755
01:33:58,966 --> 01:34:00,965
I hate Mondays.
1756
01:34:00,967 --> 01:34:06,140
♪ Lord Almighty
I feel my temperature rising ♪
1757
01:34:08,441 --> 01:34:10,209
♪ Higher, higher ♪
1758
01:34:10,211 --> 01:34:12,847
♪ It's burning through
To my soul ♪
1759
01:34:15,083 --> 01:34:16,782
♪ Girl, girl, girl ♪
1760
01:34:16,784 --> 01:34:19,788
♪ You gonna set me on fire ♪
1761
01:34:21,722 --> 01:34:23,455
♪ My brain is flaming ♪
1762
01:34:23,457 --> 01:34:25,927
♪ I don't know
Which way to go ♪
1763
01:34:28,163 --> 01:34:31,563
♪ And your kisses
Lift me higher ♪
1764
01:34:31,565 --> 01:34:34,934
♪ Like the sweet song
Of a choir ♪
1765
01:34:34,936 --> 01:34:37,435
♪ And you light
My morning sky ♪
1766
01:34:37,437 --> 01:34:39,940
♪ With your burning love ♪
1767
01:34:41,941 --> 01:34:43,575
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
1768
01:34:43,577 --> 01:34:48,480
♪ I feel
My temperature rising, yeah ♪
1769
01:34:48,482 --> 01:34:50,215
♪ Well, help me, I'm flaming ♪
1770
01:34:50,217 --> 01:34:55,153
♪ I must be
A hundred and nine, wow ♪
1771
01:34:55,155 --> 01:34:56,988
♪ Burning, burning ♪
1772
01:34:56,990 --> 01:35:01,327
♪ Burning
And nothing can cool me, oh ♪
1773
01:35:01,329 --> 01:35:04,229
♪ I just might turn
Into smoke ♪
1774
01:35:04,231 --> 01:35:06,368
♪ But I feel fine ♪
1775
01:35:08,101 --> 01:35:11,303
♪ Because your kisses
Lift me higher ♪
1776
01:35:11,305 --> 01:35:14,840
♪ Like the sweet song
Of a choir ♪
1777
01:35:14,842 --> 01:35:17,442
♪ And you light
My morning sky ♪
1778
01:35:17,444 --> 01:35:22,113
♪ With your burning love
Yeah ♪
1779
01:35:22,115 --> 01:35:25,117
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
1780
01:35:25,119 --> 01:35:28,453
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
1781
01:35:28,455 --> 01:35:32,694
♪ Ah, ah, ah
Burning love ♪
1782
01:35:34,994 --> 01:35:36,795
♪ It's coming closer ♪
1783
01:35:36,797 --> 01:35:41,934
♪ The flames are now
Reachin' my body, oh ♪
1784
01:35:41,936 --> 01:35:43,602
♪ Please, won't you help me ♪
1785
01:35:43,604 --> 01:35:48,540
♪ I feel like
I'm slippin' away, oh ♪
1786
01:35:48,542 --> 01:35:50,242
♪ It's hard to breathe ♪
1787
01:35:50,244 --> 01:35:52,881
♪ Oh, and my chest
Is a-heaving ♪
1788
01:35:55,048 --> 01:35:56,916
♪ Oh, Lord have mercy ♪
1789
01:35:56,918 --> 01:35:59,721
♪ I'm burning a hole
where I lay ♪
1790
01:36:01,555 --> 01:36:04,755
♪ 'Cause your kisses
Lift me higher ♪
1791
01:36:04,757 --> 01:36:08,359
♪ Like the sweet song
Of a choir ♪
1792
01:36:08,361 --> 01:36:10,830
♪ And you light
My morning sky ♪
1793
01:36:10,832 --> 01:36:13,264
♪ With your burning love ♪
1794
01:36:13,266 --> 01:36:16,736
♪ Yeah, your burning love ♪
1795
01:36:16,738 --> 01:36:19,904
♪ Ah, your burning love ♪
1796
01:36:19,906 --> 01:36:21,674
♪ Ooh ♪
1797
01:36:21,676 --> 01:36:24,777
♪ I'm just a hunk
A hunk of burning love ♪
1798
01:36:24,779 --> 01:36:28,380
♪ I'm just a hunk
A hunk of burning love ♪
1799
01:36:28,382 --> 01:36:31,416
♪ I'm just a hunk
A hunk of burning love ♪
1800
01:36:31,418 --> 01:36:34,752
♪ I'm just a hunk
A hunk of burning love ♪
1801
01:36:34,754 --> 01:36:38,023
♪ I'm just a hunk
A hunk of burning love ♪
1802
01:36:38,025 --> 01:36:41,359
♪ I'm just a hunk
A hunk of burning love ♪
1803
01:36:41,361 --> 01:36:44,429
♪ Burning love, yeah ♪
1804
01:36:44,431 --> 01:36:49,903
♪ Burning love, nah ♪
1805
01:38:38,678 --> 01:38:41,313
Oh, pardon. En español,
it's like:
1806
01:38:48,689 --> 01:38:50,792
P... P... Pardon my accent.
1807
01:38:51,720 --> 01:38:56,720
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