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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:31,359 Subtitles by explosiveskull Sync by GoldenBeard 2 00:00:37,534 --> 00:00:38,569 Hmph. 3 00:00:43,841 --> 00:00:45,507 Welcome to Zombieland. 4 00:00:47,679 --> 00:00:50,479 Back for seconds? After all this time? 5 00:00:50,481 --> 00:00:52,214 Well, what can I say, but thank you. 6 00:00:52,216 --> 00:00:53,683 You have a lot of choices 7 00:00:53,685 --> 00:00:55,552 when it comes to zombie entertainment, 8 00:00:55,554 --> 00:00:57,187 and we appreciate you picking us. 9 00:00:57,189 --> 00:00:58,653 So you know how Eskimos 10 00:00:58,655 --> 00:01:00,690 have a bunch of words for snow? 11 00:01:04,462 --> 00:01:07,062 The only reason we've survived the last several years 12 00:01:07,064 --> 00:01:09,464 is we've gotten to know our bloodthirsty enemies 13 00:01:09,466 --> 00:01:11,001 better than we know ourselves. 14 00:01:11,003 --> 00:01:12,734 In the time since we last saw you, 15 00:01:12,736 --> 00:01:14,470 zombies have evolved, 16 00:01:14,472 --> 00:01:16,204 so we've given them different names. 17 00:01:17,608 --> 00:01:19,374 This lady here is getting chased 18 00:01:19,376 --> 00:01:22,544 by the dumbest Z there is, what we call a Homer. 19 00:01:25,450 --> 00:01:26,948 In a world without YouTube, 20 00:01:26,950 --> 00:01:28,585 who isn't entertained by a Homer? 21 00:01:31,923 --> 00:01:32,923 D'oh! 22 00:01:43,066 --> 00:01:45,434 Unfortunately, for every Homer, 23 00:01:45,436 --> 00:01:48,737 there's a Hawking, as in Stephen. 24 00:01:48,739 --> 00:01:51,574 Or maybe his slightly less accomplished sister, Beatrix, 25 00:01:51,576 --> 00:01:53,609 who's still got some brains left to figure shit out. 26 00:01:53,611 --> 00:01:54,642 Open, open! 27 00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:18,466 Clever girl. 28 00:02:20,771 --> 00:02:22,339 Okay. Last one. 29 00:02:22,341 --> 00:02:24,176 Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that? 30 00:02:25,610 --> 00:02:27,243 Okay, all right. Well, this time, 31 00:02:27,245 --> 00:02:29,313 let's play Name That Zombie. 32 00:02:30,414 --> 00:02:31,414 Hello? 33 00:02:34,151 --> 00:02:35,186 Hello? 34 00:02:41,158 --> 00:02:44,125 The Ninja. Silent, deadly. 35 00:02:44,127 --> 00:02:46,596 The first thing you hear is your own scream. 36 00:02:54,438 --> 00:02:59,142 You can imagine how thrilled we were to crack the zombie code. 37 00:02:59,144 --> 00:03:03,144 But life is about more than just survival. 38 00:03:03,146 --> 00:03:05,748 Ever since we were evicted from our normal lives, 39 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:09,351 I'd been searching for a place to put down roots. 40 00:03:09,353 --> 00:03:14,290 My old pal Tallahassee has this saying, "Go big or go home." 41 00:03:14,292 --> 00:03:17,628 It's not his signature phrase, but it did give me an idea. 42 00:03:18,695 --> 00:03:20,032 Why not go big... 43 00:03:21,132 --> 00:03:22,465 and go home? 44 00:03:51,362 --> 00:03:53,596 ♪ End of passion play ♪ 45 00:03:53,598 --> 00:03:55,665 ♪ Crumbling away ♪ 46 00:03:55,667 --> 00:04:00,002 ♪ I'm your source of self-destruction ♪ 47 00:04:00,004 --> 00:04:02,272 ♪ Veins that pump with fear ♪ 48 00:04:02,274 --> 00:04:04,340 ♪ Sucking darkest clear ♪ 49 00:04:04,342 --> 00:04:08,477 ♪ Leading on Your death's construction ♪ 50 00:04:08,479 --> 00:04:10,846 ♪ Taste me You will see ♪ 51 00:04:10,848 --> 00:04:12,715 ♪ More is all you need ♪ 52 00:04:12,717 --> 00:04:17,122 ♪ You're dedicated to How I'm killing you ♪ 53 00:04:21,225 --> 00:04:24,296 ♪ Come crawling faster ♪ 54 00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:28,667 ♪ Obey your master ♪ 55 00:04:30,468 --> 00:04:35,204 ♪ Your life burns faster ♪ 56 00:04:35,206 --> 00:04:37,572 ♪ Obey your master ♪ 57 00:04:37,574 --> 00:04:39,774 ♪ Master Master of puppets ♪ 58 00:04:39,776 --> 00:04:42,711 ♪ I'm pulling your strings ♪ 59 00:04:42,713 --> 00:04:46,515 ♪ Twisting your mind And smashing your dreams ♪ 60 00:04:46,517 --> 00:04:49,584 ♪ Blinded by me You can't see a thing ♪ 61 00:04:49,586 --> 00:04:52,721 ♪ Just call my name 'Cause I'll hear you scream ♪ 62 00:04:52,723 --> 00:04:54,990 ♪ Master Master ♪ 63 00:04:54,992 --> 00:04:58,627 ♪ Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings ♪ 64 00:04:58,629 --> 00:05:00,966 ♪ Twisting your mind and smashing your... ♪ 65 00:05:02,733 --> 00:05:06,168 Hail to the motherfucking chief. 66 00:05:07,639 --> 00:05:09,238 There are worse places 67 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,606 to hang your hat. 68 00:05:10,608 --> 00:05:12,442 Casa Blanca. 69 00:05:12,444 --> 00:05:15,243 Wait, why does he get to be president? 70 00:05:15,245 --> 00:05:17,647 I would have made a damn fine president. 71 00:05:17,649 --> 00:05:19,949 Kissed a few hands, shook a few babies. 72 00:05:19,951 --> 00:05:22,551 You would have brought a real dignity to the office. 73 00:05:22,553 --> 00:05:24,486 - Thank you. - You don't have what it takes. 74 00:05:24,488 --> 00:05:25,921 - I'll be president. - Heh! 75 00:05:25,923 --> 00:05:28,156 And I nominate Little Rock as my VP. 76 00:05:28,158 --> 00:05:30,125 So that means I get to be president 77 00:05:30,127 --> 00:05:31,695 if you get killed by zombies. 78 00:05:31,697 --> 00:05:33,361 That wasn't what I was thinking 79 00:05:33,363 --> 00:05:35,932 when I offered you the position, but yes. 80 00:05:37,168 --> 00:05:38,500 I have this rule: 81 00:05:38,502 --> 00:05:40,135 Enjoy the little things. 82 00:05:40,137 --> 00:05:42,236 Which is what we spent a lot of time doing 83 00:05:42,238 --> 00:05:44,139 in those early days at the White House. 84 00:05:44,141 --> 00:05:45,774 And it was a really special time, 85 00:05:45,776 --> 00:05:47,343 making a house our home. 86 00:05:49,447 --> 00:05:52,815 ♪ Happy birthday to... ♪ 87 00:05:52,817 --> 00:05:56,185 Shooting up, not to. All right. Nice! 88 00:05:59,790 --> 00:06:03,358 Wichita and I fell into our own version of domestic bliss. 89 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:07,464 Well, not quite bliss, but domesticity to be sure. 90 00:06:07,466 --> 00:06:09,197 Did Abe's blindfold fall off again? 91 00:06:09,199 --> 00:06:11,233 No, it did not fall off. I took it off. 92 00:06:11,235 --> 00:06:13,502 It's so creepy. He stares at us all night. 93 00:06:13,504 --> 00:06:15,370 That stare emancipated the slaves, 94 00:06:15,372 --> 00:06:16,873 and ended the Civil War. 95 00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:18,875 We should be grateful he's gawking at us. 96 00:06:18,877 --> 00:06:21,543 Remember what happened the last time you took the blindfold off? 97 00:06:21,545 --> 00:06:23,646 You made me sleep on the Lincoln couch? 98 00:06:23,648 --> 00:06:25,016 Mm-hm. 99 00:06:31,255 --> 00:06:32,721 - Is that better? - Much better. 100 00:06:32,723 --> 00:06:34,188 Good. 101 00:06:34,190 --> 00:06:37,026 I love you so much, baby. 102 00:06:37,028 --> 00:06:40,695 You are so gorgeous. 103 00:06:40,697 --> 00:06:42,865 We really need to find you someone. 104 00:06:42,867 --> 00:06:44,666 That's where you're wrong. 105 00:06:44,668 --> 00:06:47,570 Any romance left in me belongs to the Beast here. 106 00:06:47,572 --> 00:06:50,875 Okay. Well, then we need to find someone for me. 107 00:06:52,377 --> 00:06:55,144 Heh, heh, heh, shouldn't be a problem, 108 00:06:55,146 --> 00:06:57,180 long as you're open to dating zombies. 109 00:06:57,182 --> 00:07:00,349 So you're saying what? I'm never gonna find a boyfriend, 110 00:07:00,351 --> 00:07:02,551 or get married, have a family? 111 00:07:02,553 --> 00:07:07,423 We're you family, so one out of three ain't bad. 112 00:07:07,425 --> 00:07:10,392 Little Rock had a strong desire to leave the nest. 113 00:07:10,394 --> 00:07:12,127 And let's just say Tallahassee 114 00:07:12,129 --> 00:07:14,363 wasn't the most understanding father figure. 115 00:07:14,365 --> 00:07:15,664 Little Rock! 116 00:07:15,666 --> 00:07:17,098 But for better or worse, 117 00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,567 we were a family. 118 00:07:18,569 --> 00:07:20,502 And for the first time since the virus, 119 00:07:20,504 --> 00:07:22,437 we were living somewhere truly safe, 120 00:07:22,439 --> 00:07:25,610 making every day feel like... Well, like Christmas morning. 121 00:07:26,911 --> 00:07:29,648 Hello? Ho-ho-ho! 122 00:07:30,747 --> 00:07:32,315 Merry Christmas! 123 00:07:32,317 --> 00:07:34,983 - Hey, Tal. - Santa. 124 00:07:34,985 --> 00:07:37,887 What would you like for Christmas, little girl? A pony? 125 00:07:37,889 --> 00:07:40,723 I'd like you to stop calling me "little girl." 126 00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:43,959 Well, technically, you are little and you're a girl. 127 00:07:43,961 --> 00:07:47,762 I am not a little girl, but do you know what I would like? 128 00:07:47,764 --> 00:07:50,033 I don't give a fuck what you'd like. 129 00:07:50,035 --> 00:07:52,101 Not to sound too sentimental, 130 00:07:52,103 --> 00:07:54,769 but those days at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue 131 00:07:54,771 --> 00:07:57,039 may have been the best days of my life, 132 00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:58,776 and that's counting pre-Z. 133 00:08:00,778 --> 00:08:02,745 Wait a second. 134 00:08:02,747 --> 00:08:05,113 Oh, my God. No. 135 00:08:05,115 --> 00:08:08,617 A first-edition Tolkien, and you wrote in it. 136 00:08:08,619 --> 00:08:11,753 There's my name, marring this perfectly preserved paper. 137 00:08:11,755 --> 00:08:13,421 Thank you. And yours too. 138 00:08:13,423 --> 00:08:16,593 You didn't stop. Thank you so much. 139 00:08:16,595 --> 00:08:18,627 It's a bit touching. 140 00:08:18,629 --> 00:08:21,096 Hey, you know, I couldn't find any wrapping paper, 141 00:08:21,098 --> 00:08:23,332 but don't worry about it. Just tear it open. 142 00:08:23,334 --> 00:08:25,968 It doesn't matter. It's only Taft. 143 00:08:25,970 --> 00:08:29,404 He was our fattest president, so there's a lot left over 144 00:08:29,406 --> 00:08:31,406 if you need some wrapping paper. 145 00:08:31,408 --> 00:08:33,711 Columbus, I didn't get anything from you. 146 00:08:35,113 --> 00:08:37,879 Just what I wanted. Another gun. 147 00:08:37,881 --> 00:08:42,017 Oh, hey, well, not just any gun. A Colt .45. 148 00:08:42,019 --> 00:08:45,854 And not just any Colt .45. The King's. 149 00:08:45,856 --> 00:08:49,992 - England? Denmark? Lichtenstein? - There's only one king. 150 00:08:49,994 --> 00:08:54,032 Elvis Aaron fucking Presley, the greatest who ever lived. 151 00:08:55,065 --> 00:08:56,799 The king of kings. 152 00:08:56,801 --> 00:08:59,969 He gave this gun to Nixon when he visited the White House, 153 00:08:59,971 --> 00:09:03,940 and I give it to you, locked and loaded. 154 00:09:03,942 --> 00:09:07,376 Yeah, he used to shoot that Colt in his backyard. 155 00:09:07,378 --> 00:09:09,310 King's palace, Memphis, Tennessee. 156 00:09:09,312 --> 00:09:11,781 - I tell you about Graceland? - Only a hundred times. 157 00:09:11,783 --> 00:09:13,516 We'll go there together someday. 158 00:09:13,518 --> 00:09:15,785 Actually, I'm gonna go shoot this right now. 159 00:09:15,787 --> 00:09:18,988 I think I saw some Zs down by the reflecting pool. 160 00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:20,723 - I'll go with. - I'll go by myself. 161 00:09:20,725 --> 00:09:23,325 - It's Christmas. - It's not fucking Christmas. 162 00:09:23,327 --> 00:09:24,361 It's November 17th. 163 00:09:26,363 --> 00:09:28,730 Little Rock was on the hunt, all right, 164 00:09:28,732 --> 00:09:30,299 for people her own age. 165 00:09:30,301 --> 00:09:32,167 And the thing is, they were out there. 166 00:09:32,169 --> 00:09:34,536 We just made it a point to keep our distance. 167 00:09:34,538 --> 00:09:37,207 Which would suck if you were the one stuck in the nest. 168 00:09:39,677 --> 00:09:44,613 God, this is really terrifying, but totally unrealistic. 169 00:09:44,615 --> 00:09:46,181 Hm... 170 00:09:46,183 --> 00:09:47,384 Hey, she'll be fine. 171 00:09:49,019 --> 00:09:51,587 Wish she didn't remind me so much of me. 172 00:09:51,589 --> 00:09:53,355 Hey, come on. What's wrong with you? 173 00:09:55,559 --> 00:09:56,594 Nothing. 174 00:09:58,296 --> 00:10:00,565 All right. I wasn't gonna do this now. 175 00:10:03,567 --> 00:10:08,337 Okay. Look, you always say that, like, I play it too safe, 176 00:10:08,339 --> 00:10:11,573 and I know we've been in, like, a bit of a rut lately. 177 00:10:11,575 --> 00:10:15,914 So I thought, what better way to spice things up than to... 178 00:10:20,583 --> 00:10:22,283 Get married? 179 00:10:22,285 --> 00:10:24,853 Yeah, well, I was gonna say, "Get married!" Yay! 180 00:10:24,855 --> 00:10:27,723 - Is that the Hope diamond? - I certainly hope it is. 181 00:10:27,725 --> 00:10:30,258 I want you to be Miss Ohio. Or I guess Mrs. Ohio. 182 00:10:30,260 --> 00:10:32,627 This is unfair. You know how I feel about this. 183 00:10:32,629 --> 00:10:34,262 - What? - We've talked about this. 184 00:10:34,264 --> 00:10:37,300 In my limited, but absurdly painful experience, 185 00:10:37,302 --> 00:10:39,434 married people only do one thing. 186 00:10:39,436 --> 00:10:42,304 - What, fight? We already do that. - Get divorced. 187 00:10:42,306 --> 00:10:44,073 I don't see us going that route. 188 00:10:44,075 --> 00:10:46,241 I mean, where would we find the lawyers? 189 00:10:46,243 --> 00:10:51,280 - I don't know what to say. - Well, don't say anything. Yet. 190 00:10:51,282 --> 00:10:54,650 - Okay? This was my fault. - I put you on the spot. 191 00:10:54,652 --> 00:10:58,185 Just think about it, and let me know whenever you're ready. 192 00:10:58,187 --> 00:11:01,225 Everything will work out exactly as it's supposed to. 193 00:11:17,274 --> 00:11:19,175 Hey, Buttercup. What's wrong? 194 00:11:19,177 --> 00:11:21,810 Get a little too much eggnog last night? 195 00:11:21,812 --> 00:11:24,412 - Bad news. - Bad news? 196 00:11:24,414 --> 00:11:27,849 Well, you know what cancels out bad news? Good news. 197 00:11:27,851 --> 00:11:30,084 Today is the day that Wichita says... 198 00:11:30,086 --> 00:11:31,487 Adios. 199 00:11:31,489 --> 00:11:32,524 Hm? 200 00:11:35,793 --> 00:11:40,296 "Dear C and T, we feel like total shit about leaving. 201 00:11:40,298 --> 00:11:42,500 Sorry, not good at notes. W and LR." 202 00:11:43,967 --> 00:11:45,901 Well, yeah. "Not good at notes" 203 00:11:45,903 --> 00:11:47,839 is a pretty huge understatement. 204 00:11:49,541 --> 00:11:52,007 He's gonna take this Beast thing pretty hard. 205 00:11:52,009 --> 00:11:55,243 Well, he should learn to not get so attached. 206 00:11:55,245 --> 00:11:57,046 Never get attached. Remember? 207 00:11:57,048 --> 00:11:58,747 That was the problem with Columbus, 208 00:11:58,749 --> 00:11:59,982 he got too attached. 209 00:11:59,984 --> 00:12:01,584 Well, with Tallahassee, it's like 210 00:12:01,586 --> 00:12:03,151 - he thinks he's my dad. - Sure. 211 00:12:03,153 --> 00:12:05,353 But you are lucky you don't have a boyfriend. 212 00:12:05,355 --> 00:12:07,489 Have you seen him use Q-tips? 213 00:12:07,491 --> 00:12:10,157 His bedtime routine took an hour. 214 00:12:10,159 --> 00:12:12,027 - Stop. - What? God, sorry. 215 00:12:12,029 --> 00:12:14,296 - No, stop! Stop! - Oh! 216 00:12:20,638 --> 00:12:21,638 Namaste. 217 00:12:24,375 --> 00:12:25,375 Hi. 218 00:12:28,144 --> 00:12:31,412 Wichita leaving hit me like a shotgun blast. 219 00:12:31,414 --> 00:12:33,982 So after weeks of feeling sorry for myself, 220 00:12:33,984 --> 00:12:35,651 I thought a little retail therapy 221 00:12:35,653 --> 00:12:37,185 might help get her off my mind. 222 00:12:37,187 --> 00:12:39,153 It's not like I wanted to start, 223 00:12:39,155 --> 00:12:41,891 wedding planning or anything. I'm not crazy. 224 00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:44,459 Who wants to get married in winter? Spring, sure. 225 00:12:44,461 --> 00:12:46,862 - Though my hair and humidity... - Oh, my God! 226 00:12:46,864 --> 00:12:49,931 Man, I cannot listen to this shit anymore. 227 00:12:49,933 --> 00:12:53,134 - My God, it's been over a month. - Yeah, I'm bereft. 228 00:12:53,136 --> 00:12:56,238 Okay, I'm giving you one more day to mope around, 229 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,142 and then you gotta snap the fuck out of it. 230 00:12:59,144 --> 00:13:03,145 This whole "finding a home" idea of yours has made us soft. 231 00:13:03,147 --> 00:13:05,448 And by us, I mean you. 232 00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:08,416 It's high time that we nut up and hit the road again. 233 00:13:08,418 --> 00:13:09,550 And by we, I mean me. 234 00:13:09,552 --> 00:13:10,819 That's where I belong. 235 00:13:10,821 --> 00:13:13,089 On my own. Lone wolf. 236 00:13:13,091 --> 00:13:15,757 - You're welcome to tag along. - But when they come back, 237 00:13:15,759 --> 00:13:17,926 - we won't be here. - They're never coming back! 238 00:13:22,265 --> 00:13:23,364 I got it. 239 00:13:23,366 --> 00:13:26,133 No, no, no, no, no, no. 240 00:13:26,135 --> 00:13:27,905 Okay. Uh... 241 00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:35,411 It was good. You shot your alcohol with your gun. 242 00:13:48,993 --> 00:13:50,258 Not bad, huh? 243 00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:54,363 Hm, no. Not bad, but definitely no ZKOTY. 244 00:13:54,365 --> 00:13:57,999 ZKOTY, that is "Zombie Kill of the Year." 245 00:13:58,001 --> 00:14:00,368 Like a junkie in search of a higher high, 246 00:14:00,370 --> 00:14:03,338 Tallahassee is no longer happy with Zombie Kill of the Week. 247 00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:05,107 Which, if you're keeping score, 248 00:14:05,109 --> 00:14:07,443 just went to Dave Sanderman of Riverside, Iowa. 249 00:14:07,445 --> 00:14:09,877 You may wanna set down the Milk Duds for this one. 250 00:14:09,879 --> 00:14:11,213 You dead, zombie! 251 00:14:13,951 --> 00:14:15,316 Whoo-whee, pig! 252 00:14:18,188 --> 00:14:20,289 Congratulations, Dave. 253 00:14:20,291 --> 00:14:21,956 I never told you this before. 254 00:14:21,958 --> 00:14:24,326 In fact, I never told anybody. 255 00:14:24,328 --> 00:14:30,932 But I have Native American blood coursing through my veins. 256 00:14:30,934 --> 00:14:35,369 - Like, right now? - Yeah. Right now. 257 00:14:35,371 --> 00:14:40,142 Blackfoot Indian to be exact. The freest men in history. 258 00:14:40,144 --> 00:14:42,810 Mid-1800s, roamed the plains, 259 00:14:42,812 --> 00:14:46,147 no houses, no laws, no possessions, 260 00:14:46,149 --> 00:14:49,852 no chiefs to report to, no wives to listen to. 261 00:14:49,854 --> 00:14:50,955 They listened... 262 00:14:52,255 --> 00:14:54,256 to the call of the buffalo. 263 00:14:55,491 --> 00:14:57,025 And they hunted those buffalo 264 00:14:57,027 --> 00:15:02,432 by herding them off the cliff to their deaths. 265 00:15:03,833 --> 00:15:08,737 - The great buffalo jump. - Whoa. 266 00:15:08,739 --> 00:15:12,607 I don't know why I never told anyone about my Blackfoot blood. 267 00:15:12,609 --> 00:15:15,344 I guess it's a sacred little secret. 268 00:15:15,346 --> 00:15:18,046 Honestly, you're the first paleface 269 00:15:18,048 --> 00:15:19,881 I have genuinely trusted 270 00:15:19,883 --> 00:15:22,050 because you've always been there for me. 271 00:15:22,052 --> 00:15:24,518 You care and you listen. You really listen... 272 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,421 Unless you're in a 4D theater, 273 00:15:26,423 --> 00:15:28,656 there is no way I can communicate 274 00:15:28,658 --> 00:15:30,092 how bad Z-land smells, 275 00:15:30,094 --> 00:15:32,527 which is why I like candles so much. 276 00:15:32,529 --> 00:15:34,530 Today, maybe a frosty gingerbread 277 00:15:34,532 --> 00:15:36,098 or a Bahama breeze. 278 00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,398 Mmm. 279 00:15:38,501 --> 00:15:40,002 Whoa! 280 00:15:40,004 --> 00:15:43,438 Oh, my God! Please forgive me. It's fake fur! 281 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,773 Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I thought you were a... 282 00:15:45,775 --> 00:15:47,943 - You thought I was a zombie? - Yeah. Of course. 283 00:15:47,945 --> 00:15:49,811 Oh, my God, no. I don't even eat meat. 284 00:15:49,813 --> 00:15:52,815 I'm a vegetarian. Vegan, actually. Heh. 285 00:15:52,817 --> 00:15:56,618 - Sorry. Hi, I'm Columbus. - Madison. Heh-heh. 286 00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:59,087 - Oh, hi. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 287 00:15:59,089 --> 00:16:01,757 All right. We're hugging. So soon. Nice to meet you. 288 00:16:01,759 --> 00:16:04,126 It's nice to touch a human. 289 00:16:04,128 --> 00:16:05,594 - Don't mind me. - Oh, hello. 290 00:16:05,596 --> 00:16:07,329 If I can have my body? Hi, sorry. 291 00:16:07,331 --> 00:16:09,164 This is Tallahassee. This is Madison. 292 00:16:09,166 --> 00:16:11,934 - Madison, Tallahassee. - Is this your dad? 293 00:16:11,936 --> 00:16:16,405 For shit's sake, slightly older, better-looking friend. 294 00:16:16,407 --> 00:16:18,672 - Ha, ha, cute. - You live here? 295 00:16:18,674 --> 00:16:23,112 No, Paul Blart. I live in the freezer in Pinkberry, mm-hm. 296 00:16:23,114 --> 00:16:26,381 It keeps the zombies out, though it is awfully chilly. 297 00:16:27,618 --> 00:16:29,951 Do you ever consider turning it off? 298 00:16:29,953 --> 00:16:32,121 Couldn't find the switch anywhere. 299 00:16:32,123 --> 00:16:34,222 Just hoping the electricity would run out. 300 00:16:34,224 --> 00:16:37,292 It's amazing. As long as it rains, the dams give us power. 301 00:16:37,294 --> 00:16:38,862 Apparently not brain power. 302 00:16:41,264 --> 00:16:43,165 I feel like you're being super judgy. 303 00:16:43,167 --> 00:16:47,169 Like, I'm getting a real anti-me vibe off of you. 304 00:16:47,171 --> 00:16:49,137 - Are you? - Oh, my God. There it was again. 305 00:16:49,139 --> 00:16:51,305 - Yeah, I saw it. - And that's hurtful, okay? 306 00:16:51,307 --> 00:16:53,507 I'm, like, really good at surviving. 307 00:16:53,509 --> 00:16:55,877 I carry a can of mace with me everywhere I go. 308 00:16:55,879 --> 00:16:58,379 And I can run really, really, really, really fast. 309 00:16:58,381 --> 00:17:01,117 Probably because I used to do hot yoga and SoulCycle. 310 00:17:01,119 --> 00:17:04,286 Cardio! Sorry, I do a lot of cardio too. 311 00:17:04,288 --> 00:17:07,622 It's actually my number one rule, which is so dorky. 312 00:17:07,624 --> 00:17:10,292 But I have a list of rules for surviving Zombieland. 313 00:17:10,294 --> 00:17:11,326 - Really? - Yeah. 314 00:17:11,328 --> 00:17:13,194 - So do I! - You have rules 315 00:17:13,196 --> 00:17:15,529 - for surviving Zombieland? - Mine is just mostly 316 00:17:15,531 --> 00:17:17,298 - stay in the freezer. - Oh. 317 00:17:18,536 --> 00:17:20,134 You know, we set up camp, 318 00:17:20,136 --> 00:17:22,136 like, down the road at the White House. 319 00:17:23,473 --> 00:17:25,007 The White House? Oh, my God. 320 00:17:25,009 --> 00:17:26,540 Would you wanna come hang out? 321 00:17:26,542 --> 00:17:28,344 - I would love that. - Cool. 322 00:17:28,346 --> 00:17:30,312 Okay. How many rules do you have? 323 00:17:30,314 --> 00:17:33,448 - You wanna know about my rules? - I wanna hear all of them. 324 00:17:33,450 --> 00:17:36,785 - Well, number two is double tap. - Double tap. 325 00:17:36,787 --> 00:17:39,688 - Double tap, yes. - Double tap you. 326 00:17:39,690 --> 00:17:42,391 - You got me. I'm murdered. - Ha-ha-ha. 327 00:17:42,393 --> 00:17:44,825 Okay, yeah, I know what you're thinking. 328 00:17:44,827 --> 00:17:46,562 She's absolutely not my type. 329 00:17:46,564 --> 00:17:48,462 But after Wichita broke my heart, 330 00:17:48,464 --> 00:17:50,466 I was just excited to talk to somebody 331 00:17:50,468 --> 00:17:53,369 who smelled like a candle, and not whiskey and gunpowder. 332 00:17:53,371 --> 00:17:55,036 So Wichita and Little Rock left. 333 00:17:55,038 --> 00:17:57,538 It was just us guys again. You know, bachelors. 334 00:17:57,540 --> 00:18:00,107 This guy. You know, making a mess. 335 00:18:00,109 --> 00:18:04,613 Which actually brings me to rule number 53, Wet-Naps. 336 00:18:04,615 --> 00:18:06,449 - Wow. - Yeah. 337 00:18:06,451 --> 00:18:10,384 I can't believe that you keep all this stuff in your head. 338 00:18:10,386 --> 00:18:11,452 Heh, thank you. 339 00:18:11,454 --> 00:18:13,122 - It's amazing. - Thank you. 340 00:18:13,124 --> 00:18:15,523 - You know, you're really lucky. - What? 341 00:18:15,525 --> 00:18:19,527 That you found someone so smart to take care of you. 342 00:18:19,529 --> 00:18:22,965 Most people your age, they get left all by themselves, 343 00:18:22,967 --> 00:18:25,100 and that can be so sad. 344 00:18:25,102 --> 00:18:28,569 - Yeah. I am so lucky. - Oh! 345 00:18:30,173 --> 00:18:32,607 Can we have a little summit in the Oval Office? 346 00:18:32,609 --> 00:18:33,674 Yeah, sure. 347 00:18:33,676 --> 00:18:35,410 You guys, I can't believe 348 00:18:35,412 --> 00:18:39,180 we're in the White House. This is soy random. 349 00:18:39,182 --> 00:18:42,183 You got to broom this girl. You know why she's still alive? 350 00:18:42,185 --> 00:18:45,421 Because zombies eat brains, and she ain't got any! 351 00:18:45,423 --> 00:18:46,955 All right? It doesn't matter 352 00:18:46,957 --> 00:18:49,091 because I'm hitting the road come sunup. 353 00:18:49,093 --> 00:18:50,691 - Columbus? - Yes? 354 00:18:50,693 --> 00:18:52,460 Could you maybe give me a tour? 355 00:18:52,462 --> 00:18:55,930 Whoa, this is the Oval Office. 356 00:18:55,932 --> 00:18:57,732 Why do they call it that? 357 00:19:00,671 --> 00:19:01,902 - You ready? - You ready? 358 00:19:01,904 --> 00:19:03,304 - I'm ready too. - I'm ready. 359 00:19:03,306 --> 00:19:04,306 - Great. - Too. 360 00:19:06,676 --> 00:19:08,177 - Let's go. - He's kind of funny. 361 00:19:08,179 --> 00:19:10,278 Yeah, he's great. Try not to speak to him. 362 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:11,479 Okay. 363 00:19:11,481 --> 00:19:13,515 The main attraction. 364 00:19:13,517 --> 00:19:15,150 Ta-da, the Lincoln bedroom. 365 00:19:15,152 --> 00:19:17,585 Believe it or not, Lincoln never even slept here. 366 00:19:17,587 --> 00:19:20,154 I didn't actually want a tour, silly. 367 00:19:20,156 --> 00:19:21,856 - What? Oh. - Hi. 368 00:19:21,858 --> 00:19:23,158 Hi. 369 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:24,426 Mm-mm, mm-mm. 370 00:19:24,428 --> 00:19:26,861 - What's the matter? - I don't know. 371 00:19:26,863 --> 00:19:29,731 - Don't you think that I'm pretty? - Yes, you're very pretty. 372 00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:32,601 You're like, "Girl in Apartment 406" pretty. 373 00:19:32,603 --> 00:19:34,835 I just... I feel kind of guilty. 374 00:19:34,837 --> 00:19:37,439 Because of Jesus? 375 00:19:37,441 --> 00:19:39,043 I know ways around that. 376 00:19:43,247 --> 00:19:46,113 - No, no. I... Please. I can't. - Okay, look, 377 00:19:46,115 --> 00:19:48,016 I've been alone in a freezer for years. 378 00:19:48,018 --> 00:19:49,852 So either we're doing this right now, 379 00:19:49,854 --> 00:19:53,788 or I am biting the bullet, and I am doing the old guy. 380 00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:54,790 Okay. 381 00:19:55,959 --> 00:19:58,192 God! You're so hot! Oh my God! 382 00:19:58,194 --> 00:20:00,694 - It's the humidity. - Oh, yes! 383 00:20:05,234 --> 00:20:06,269 Holy... 384 00:20:07,671 --> 00:20:11,140 Nutting up, definitely not shutting up. 385 00:20:11,142 --> 00:20:13,344 Yeah! 386 00:20:27,156 --> 00:20:29,824 - Aah! Oh, shit! - Oh! Whoa! 387 00:20:29,826 --> 00:20:32,326 Sorry, it's Washington's old flintlock. 388 00:20:32,328 --> 00:20:35,028 It's a gift to Eisenhower from the emperor of Japan. 389 00:20:35,030 --> 00:20:36,230 Oh, touché. 390 00:20:36,232 --> 00:20:37,699 - I heard a strange noise. - Yeah. 391 00:20:37,701 --> 00:20:39,834 I've been hearing some strange noises too. 392 00:20:39,836 --> 00:20:42,069 Oh, yeah. That was us having sex. 393 00:20:42,071 --> 00:20:44,538 Rule number one. 394 00:20:44,540 --> 00:20:47,875 Yeah, maybe rule number 32 for her. 395 00:20:47,877 --> 00:20:48,913 What? Hey. 396 00:20:50,247 --> 00:20:51,749 Okay. Ready? 397 00:20:53,182 --> 00:20:55,216 - Go! - Okay, let's go. Come on. 398 00:20:55,218 --> 00:20:57,922 Oh, fuck. Shit. 399 00:20:59,990 --> 00:21:02,591 - Honey, I'm home. - Oh, my God, you're back. 400 00:21:02,593 --> 00:21:04,793 I mean, you're back or whatever. That's cool. 401 00:21:04,795 --> 00:21:06,795 I'm not staying. I came to get weapons. 402 00:21:06,797 --> 00:21:08,029 At 1:00 in the morning? 403 00:21:08,031 --> 00:21:09,332 Yeah, after a month missing. 404 00:21:10,701 --> 00:21:12,734 Little Rock's gone. 405 00:21:25,548 --> 00:21:28,917 It was great. It felt so good to be on the move again. 406 00:21:28,919 --> 00:21:33,087 We've been having a really good time here too. Together. 407 00:21:33,089 --> 00:21:36,725 We picked up someone new. Just a boy. 408 00:21:36,727 --> 00:21:39,094 He's a couple years older than Little Rock, 409 00:21:39,096 --> 00:21:40,295 and he's from Berkeley. 410 00:21:40,297 --> 00:21:42,363 - Berkeley? - Mm-hm. 411 00:21:42,365 --> 00:21:43,798 ♪ Don't worry about a thing ♪ 412 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,767 - You said Berkeley? - Yes. 413 00:21:45,769 --> 00:21:48,903 Berke-fucking-ley? 414 00:21:48,905 --> 00:21:52,708 - ♪ 'Cause every little thing ♪ - WICHITA: He plays the guitar. 415 00:21:52,710 --> 00:21:54,075 Shut the fuck up right now! 416 00:21:54,077 --> 00:21:55,878 I know what you're about to tell me. 417 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,246 She's dating a musician! 418 00:21:58,248 --> 00:22:02,153 Come on, don't you think you're, like, overreacting a little bit? 419 00:22:04,755 --> 00:22:07,823 Yeah. Yeah. No, I could be overreacting. 420 00:22:07,825 --> 00:22:09,559 I'm... I'm sorry. You're right. 421 00:22:10,961 --> 00:22:12,259 You go ahead. 422 00:22:12,261 --> 00:22:14,662 And he's a pacifist. 423 00:22:14,664 --> 00:22:17,099 He has survived on a strict policy 424 00:22:17,101 --> 00:22:19,470 of conflict avoidance, like Gandhi. 425 00:22:20,636 --> 00:22:23,971 No! 426 00:22:23,973 --> 00:22:25,640 No! 427 00:22:25,642 --> 00:22:29,044 Birkenstocks, sandals, wheatgrass! 428 00:22:29,046 --> 00:22:31,278 Fucking basketballs! 429 00:22:39,757 --> 00:22:43,357 No, I really... I have nothing against pacifists. 430 00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:47,161 I just wanna beat the shit out of them. 431 00:22:47,163 --> 00:22:52,802 ♪ This is my message to you ♪ 432 00:22:55,772 --> 00:23:00,307 Wow, I mean... You have a beautiful voice. 433 00:23:00,309 --> 00:23:03,177 - Thank you very much. Thank you. - Yeah. 434 00:23:03,179 --> 00:23:07,681 Hey, have you ever heard of this place, Graceland? 435 00:23:07,683 --> 00:23:10,885 Elvis was a fraud. He ripped off the black man. 436 00:23:10,887 --> 00:23:15,524 Oh. I... I don't know. I've just always wanted to go there. 437 00:23:15,526 --> 00:23:18,026 Yeah, me too. Yeah. 438 00:23:18,028 --> 00:23:23,164 - Graceland would be cool. - Yeah. Yeah, it would be. 439 00:23:23,166 --> 00:23:25,199 I was adamant it was a dumb idea, 440 00:23:25,201 --> 00:23:28,836 so I did what I never do with her, I told her no. 441 00:23:28,838 --> 00:23:30,738 You can guess what happened next. 442 00:23:35,211 --> 00:23:39,383 She left a note, and then she hit the road. 443 00:23:44,688 --> 00:23:49,724 Does anyone else get the irony in that? Huh? 444 00:23:49,726 --> 00:23:52,361 I'm so worried, you guys. 445 00:23:52,363 --> 00:23:53,929 They're traveling all that way, 446 00:23:53,931 --> 00:23:55,830 and all they have is a fucking guitar. 447 00:23:55,832 --> 00:23:58,566 Yeah, with no intention of ever swinging it at anything. 448 00:23:58,568 --> 00:24:00,168 You know, because he's a hippie. 449 00:24:00,170 --> 00:24:02,036 She's supposed to be killing the dead, 450 00:24:02,038 --> 00:24:04,104 - not following them. - Oh, God. 451 00:24:04,106 --> 00:24:06,039 There's something going on out there. 452 00:24:06,041 --> 00:24:08,276 - What? - Berkeley told us 453 00:24:08,278 --> 00:24:10,077 about this new kind of zombie 454 00:24:10,079 --> 00:24:12,581 that's stronger, and faster, 455 00:24:12,583 --> 00:24:16,217 and deadlier and better adapted to the hunt. 456 00:24:16,219 --> 00:24:18,452 I'm sorry, but that sounds totally made up. 457 00:24:18,454 --> 00:24:20,654 If you want us to come with you, just ask us. 458 00:24:20,656 --> 00:24:23,157 Honestly, I just came back for guns and ammunition. 459 00:24:23,159 --> 00:24:24,959 Come on. Stop begging. We'll do it. 460 00:24:24,961 --> 00:24:26,628 You know, this is all your fault. 461 00:24:26,630 --> 00:24:28,395 - Me? - If you hadn't pushed her away... 462 00:24:28,397 --> 00:24:29,765 Well, not exactly, no. 463 00:24:29,767 --> 00:24:31,132 I didn't just run from him. 464 00:24:31,134 --> 00:24:32,470 She ran from you too. 465 00:24:34,136 --> 00:24:35,271 What? 466 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,606 You... You mean well, but you're... 467 00:24:39,608 --> 00:24:40,944 kind of overbearing. 468 00:24:42,144 --> 00:24:44,578 Oh, right. I'm overbearing? 469 00:24:44,580 --> 00:24:46,113 She's not a kid anymore. 470 00:24:46,115 --> 00:24:48,082 Yeah, she's not a kid, but I don't know, 471 00:24:48,084 --> 00:24:49,717 it sounds like she needs us. 472 00:24:49,719 --> 00:24:51,855 Whatever. We're gonna go get her. 473 00:24:52,955 --> 00:24:55,157 We ride at dawn. 474 00:24:55,159 --> 00:24:57,628 Once she's safe, I'm going my own way. 475 00:25:00,430 --> 00:25:03,832 So no goodbye, just like... 476 00:25:03,834 --> 00:25:05,834 - Yeah, I'm terrible at notes. - A lame note. 477 00:25:05,836 --> 00:25:08,471 Yeah, I know. You mentioned that in the note. 478 00:25:09,740 --> 00:25:12,041 Uh, I, uh... 479 00:25:13,542 --> 00:25:16,879 I might have overreacted a little bit. 480 00:25:16,881 --> 00:25:19,013 I mean, the proposal kind of spooked me. 481 00:25:19,015 --> 00:25:20,448 Mm-hm. 482 00:25:20,450 --> 00:25:22,253 You know what I'm trying to say. 483 00:25:23,953 --> 00:25:25,819 Oh, God. I'm sorry. 484 00:25:25,821 --> 00:25:27,889 You know how hard it is for me to say that 485 00:25:27,891 --> 00:25:30,225 because I hate women who are always apologizing 486 00:25:30,227 --> 00:25:32,626 for things they have no reason to apologize for. 487 00:25:32,628 --> 00:25:37,567 But in this particular instance, I actually am really sorry. 488 00:25:39,669 --> 00:25:42,804 Well, thank you. That actually does mean a lot. 489 00:25:42,806 --> 00:25:45,039 I don't know. Maybe this could be like a... 490 00:25:45,041 --> 00:25:46,644 Like a turning point for us. 491 00:25:47,711 --> 00:25:49,643 Yeah, maybe. 492 00:25:49,645 --> 00:25:52,514 Columbus, you coming back to bed? 493 00:25:57,721 --> 00:25:58,853 Wow. 494 00:25:58,855 --> 00:26:01,021 Oh... Oh, boy. 495 00:26:01,023 --> 00:26:02,759 I mean, wow! 496 00:26:05,327 --> 00:26:09,767 Glad we had this little talk. Real turning point. 497 00:26:11,734 --> 00:26:12,802 Hi. 498 00:26:15,538 --> 00:26:18,241 - Is that your sister? - Oh, fuck. 499 00:26:22,746 --> 00:26:24,446 You definitely don't need any help. 500 00:26:24,448 --> 00:26:25,613 - No, I've got it. - Cool. 501 00:26:25,615 --> 00:26:27,082 The Beast is back. 502 00:26:27,084 --> 00:26:30,684 I cannot wait to get my hands behind the... 503 00:26:30,686 --> 00:26:34,421 What the fuck? 504 00:26:34,423 --> 00:26:37,392 No, no, no, no, no. 505 00:26:37,394 --> 00:26:41,930 No way is that GD minivan even sniffing at Graceland, 506 00:26:41,932 --> 00:26:45,533 home to perhaps America's finest automobile, 507 00:26:45,535 --> 00:26:49,171 Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60. 508 00:26:49,173 --> 00:26:53,874 No. You know, it takes a real man to drive a pink Cadillac. 509 00:26:55,077 --> 00:26:58,180 Might make that a rule of my own. 510 00:26:58,182 --> 00:26:59,680 On second thought, fuck that, 511 00:26:59,682 --> 00:27:01,716 rules are for pussies. Nothing personal. 512 00:27:01,718 --> 00:27:03,719 How could it not be? That's my thing. 513 00:27:03,721 --> 00:27:05,452 Yeah, you're right. It was personal. 514 00:27:05,454 --> 00:27:07,055 Yeah. It's gonna be okay. 515 00:27:07,057 --> 00:27:08,690 Even Tallahassee knows 516 00:27:08,692 --> 00:27:10,123 beggars can't be choosers. 517 00:27:10,125 --> 00:27:12,193 Vehicles with working batteries and parts 518 00:27:12,195 --> 00:27:13,961 are way scarcer nowadays, 519 00:27:13,963 --> 00:27:16,463 thanks to years of neglect and decline. 520 00:27:16,465 --> 00:27:17,632 Breakaway mirror. 521 00:27:17,634 --> 00:27:19,467 We can't be so picky anymore. 522 00:27:19,469 --> 00:27:21,669 - Clear. - What? Oh, okay. 523 00:27:21,671 --> 00:27:23,603 - Booyah. - Okay. 524 00:27:23,605 --> 00:27:25,041 Heh! 525 00:27:28,311 --> 00:27:30,745 - This never happened. - I'll get the door. 526 00:27:30,747 --> 00:27:32,983 I got it. I'm gonna lay in the back. 527 00:27:34,351 --> 00:27:36,249 - Oh, catch. - Oh! 528 00:27:36,251 --> 00:27:38,986 Shoot. Heh, I got it! 529 00:27:38,988 --> 00:27:42,489 What in the butt? 530 00:27:42,491 --> 00:27:44,325 - Ah, shit. - What? 531 00:27:44,327 --> 00:27:45,593 - Hi! - Hi. 532 00:27:47,230 --> 00:27:48,796 Are we dropping her off 533 00:27:48,798 --> 00:27:50,498 at an animal shelter or something? 534 00:27:50,500 --> 00:27:51,798 She's a human being. 535 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:53,801 We're not gonna leave her here alone. 536 00:27:53,803 --> 00:27:56,738 We can't just leave Columbus' girlfriend. 537 00:27:56,740 --> 00:27:58,171 Okay. 538 00:27:58,173 --> 00:27:59,474 A minivan. Nice. 539 00:27:59,476 --> 00:28:00,807 I'm not gonna feel guilty. 540 00:28:00,809 --> 00:28:02,410 You left me in the harshest way. 541 00:28:02,412 --> 00:28:03,612 You recovered quickly. 542 00:28:03,614 --> 00:28:05,613 - Well, thank you. - Can you help me? 543 00:28:05,615 --> 00:28:07,114 - I got it. - Okay. 544 00:28:07,116 --> 00:28:08,815 - It's just, like, heavy. - No problem. 545 00:28:08,817 --> 00:28:10,584 - Thank you. - Go ahead, get in. 546 00:28:10,586 --> 00:28:12,722 Okay. You are so nice. 547 00:28:20,830 --> 00:28:24,833 Ah, Makkapitew, Askuwheteau, Sunukkuhkau... 548 00:28:24,835 --> 00:28:26,366 Is he having a seizure? 549 00:28:26,368 --> 00:28:28,835 I'm trying out Blackfoot names, 550 00:28:28,837 --> 00:28:31,573 so full shushy or you go back in your mall fridge. 551 00:28:31,575 --> 00:28:33,007 Okay. 552 00:28:33,009 --> 00:28:35,910 Oh, I didn't tell you. We met at the mall. 553 00:28:35,912 --> 00:28:39,180 - Mm. - Yeah. I was living there. 554 00:28:39,182 --> 00:28:41,083 Like Dawn of the Dead. 555 00:28:41,085 --> 00:28:44,552 Last I checked, it's the post-acropolis. 556 00:28:44,554 --> 00:28:48,488 It was so sad when the acropolis struck. 557 00:28:48,490 --> 00:28:50,025 Yeah, I know. 558 00:28:50,027 --> 00:28:52,392 Madison, can you remind me, when we first met, 559 00:28:52,394 --> 00:28:54,527 did you point a gun at me and steal my car? 560 00:28:54,529 --> 00:28:57,164 No. When we first met, 561 00:28:57,166 --> 00:28:59,500 I told you you were really smart. 562 00:28:59,502 --> 00:29:03,203 - Oh, yeah. - And then I slept with you. 563 00:29:03,205 --> 00:29:04,671 That's right. You did. 564 00:29:07,210 --> 00:29:10,143 Road trip! Here we go! 565 00:29:10,145 --> 00:29:12,380 This is gonna be a long drive. 566 00:29:21,423 --> 00:29:24,359 I love the smell of gunpowder in the morning. 567 00:29:24,361 --> 00:29:26,830 Eh, I'm more of a patchouli oil guy myself. 568 00:29:28,198 --> 00:29:32,199 You don't... You don't have weed, do you? 569 00:29:32,201 --> 00:29:35,536 I've always wanted to smoke way too much weed. 570 00:29:35,538 --> 00:29:37,138 Do I look like the type of person 571 00:29:37,140 --> 00:29:39,373 that would have weed on me? 572 00:29:39,375 --> 00:29:42,242 Oh, no. I w... That... I'm sorry, that was... 573 00:29:42,244 --> 00:29:44,612 - Boom, yeah. - Ha! Oh. 574 00:29:44,614 --> 00:29:47,082 - Of course I do. Oh, I love weed. - You got me there. 575 00:29:47,084 --> 00:29:49,817 - Look. I mean, look at me. - Yeah. 576 00:29:49,819 --> 00:29:54,891 I wanted to say it's really nice to have another woman around. 577 00:29:56,593 --> 00:29:57,758 Yeah. 578 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,928 Like to talk about relationships. 579 00:30:00,930 --> 00:30:03,133 - Recipes. - Rings. 580 00:30:04,232 --> 00:30:06,468 Oh, my God. 581 00:30:06,470 --> 00:30:08,071 - Oh, my God. - Oh, shit. 582 00:30:09,571 --> 00:30:12,440 I know! I found it in the bedside drawer. 583 00:30:12,442 --> 00:30:14,775 I think it belonged to the first lady or... 584 00:30:14,777 --> 00:30:16,545 You know what? I think you're right. 585 00:30:16,547 --> 00:30:19,412 It did belong to the first lady. 586 00:30:19,414 --> 00:30:21,915 Well, I think it was given to the first lady, 587 00:30:21,917 --> 00:30:23,616 but she heartlessly rejected it. 588 00:30:23,618 --> 00:30:27,822 What kind of idiot would turn down a ring like this? 589 00:30:27,824 --> 00:30:31,992 Maybe an idiot who didn't wanna be weighed down. 590 00:30:31,994 --> 00:30:34,362 Anchored. Chained to something immobile. 591 00:30:34,364 --> 00:30:35,462 Hmm... 592 00:30:38,434 --> 00:30:41,803 - Oh, shit. Are you okay? - Oh, shoot! 593 00:30:41,805 --> 00:30:43,470 Forgot the seatbelt rule. 594 00:30:43,472 --> 00:30:45,806 So she knows the rules? 595 00:30:45,808 --> 00:30:47,607 Yeah, I told her just a few of them. 596 00:30:47,609 --> 00:30:51,345 - Seventy-three. Are there more? - Nope, that's it. 597 00:30:51,347 --> 00:30:53,480 - I gotta check this out. - You guys have spent 598 00:30:53,482 --> 00:30:55,083 a lot of time together, huh? 599 00:30:55,085 --> 00:30:56,651 That's sweet. 600 00:30:56,653 --> 00:30:59,520 You're cute together. I like it. 601 00:30:59,522 --> 00:31:01,354 Oh! 602 00:31:09,265 --> 00:31:10,534 This looks promising. 603 00:31:17,874 --> 00:31:20,507 He's so flexible. 604 00:31:20,509 --> 00:31:22,977 That's what's so great about him. He's very bendy. 605 00:31:22,979 --> 00:31:25,345 Ohio, whenever you're done with that... 606 00:31:25,347 --> 00:31:26,450 What? Yeah. 607 00:31:29,219 --> 00:31:30,651 Ah! 608 00:31:30,653 --> 00:31:32,186 What? No. No, no, no. 609 00:31:32,188 --> 00:31:33,554 No way. Nonstarter. 610 00:31:33,556 --> 00:31:35,588 You know how I feel about clowns. 611 00:31:35,590 --> 00:31:37,491 - No, not that. - What? 612 00:31:37,493 --> 00:31:39,862 - That. - Oh. 613 00:31:41,832 --> 00:31:43,901 - Looks good. - Mm. 614 00:31:45,067 --> 00:31:46,767 - Can I see? - Hm? 615 00:31:46,769 --> 00:31:48,102 Can I see? 616 00:31:48,104 --> 00:31:51,171 Yeah. Here you go. Yeah. 617 00:31:54,210 --> 00:31:58,345 - The old man is so tiny. - Can you see that? 618 00:31:59,715 --> 00:32:01,850 What's-his-name, you're so tiny. 619 00:32:01,852 --> 00:32:03,218 Now you're not. Now you are. 620 00:32:03,220 --> 00:32:04,651 Now you're not. Now you are. 621 00:32:04,653 --> 00:32:06,821 Now you're not. Now you are. Now you're not. 622 00:32:06,823 --> 00:32:08,721 Tiny. Big. Tiny! 623 00:32:08,723 --> 00:32:12,092 - She is adorable. - She is. I'm lucky. 624 00:32:12,094 --> 00:32:13,995 Tiny. Big. Tiny. 625 00:32:15,699 --> 00:32:17,431 You're overreacting, okay? 626 00:32:17,433 --> 00:32:18,999 Madison's not a real thing. 627 00:32:19,001 --> 00:32:21,768 It was just circumstance. It was a lack of options. 628 00:32:21,770 --> 00:32:23,671 You could say the same thing about us. 629 00:32:23,673 --> 00:32:26,340 - What? - Circumstance, lack of options. 630 00:32:26,342 --> 00:32:27,875 Really? You really think that? 631 00:32:27,877 --> 00:32:29,710 Whereas you two seem like soul mates. 632 00:32:29,712 --> 00:32:31,478 Destined to share deep thoughts. 633 00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:33,815 Maybe you're right, maybe we are soul mates. 634 00:32:33,817 --> 00:32:36,484 Because she's nice, all right? And I'm nice. 635 00:32:36,486 --> 00:32:38,119 And you're not. You're mean. 636 00:32:38,121 --> 00:32:41,122 - Whatever. I'm not mean. - Yeah, you're kind of mean. 637 00:32:41,124 --> 00:32:43,390 Well, my sister is missing. She could be dead. 638 00:32:43,392 --> 00:32:45,426 You're screwing some Forever 21-year-old. 639 00:32:45,428 --> 00:32:47,161 So if I wanna be mean, I'll be mean. 640 00:32:47,163 --> 00:32:48,830 I don't have the right shoes. 641 00:32:48,832 --> 00:32:51,565 Oh, you could borrow a pair of my strappy sandals. 642 00:32:51,567 --> 00:32:52,635 - Really? - Mm-hm. 643 00:32:54,570 --> 00:32:58,205 Kidding. You... She was ki... You guys are all very sarcastic. 644 00:32:58,207 --> 00:33:01,374 Yeah, they're not nice people. Sorry. Just try to ignore them. 645 00:33:01,376 --> 00:33:04,312 - Yeah. Yeah. Ignore us. - Please, God, ignore us. 646 00:33:04,314 --> 00:33:05,849 Ah, see? Mean. 647 00:33:08,718 --> 00:33:10,884 All right! 648 00:33:10,886 --> 00:33:12,553 This is what I'm talking about. 649 00:33:12,555 --> 00:33:14,956 We're finally gonna be riding in style. 650 00:33:14,958 --> 00:33:18,459 I partied with 3 Doors Down in one of these. It was so... 651 00:33:18,461 --> 00:33:20,393 Oh, shit. 652 00:33:25,067 --> 00:33:26,165 What? 653 00:33:27,336 --> 00:33:28,936 Man, we're getting good at this. 654 00:33:28,938 --> 00:33:30,971 - Columbus. - Tallahassee. 655 00:33:30,973 --> 00:33:32,474 - The hood is 12 o'clock. - Yes. 656 00:33:32,476 --> 00:33:34,378 Trunk is 6. You're our eyes. 657 00:33:35,878 --> 00:33:37,878 Hey, don't worry, you guys. 658 00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:40,980 They are much more afraid of us than we are of them. 659 00:33:40,982 --> 00:33:43,717 God, that is not even remotely true. 660 00:33:43,719 --> 00:33:46,353 - Well, what do I do? - You know how cheerleaders 661 00:33:46,355 --> 00:33:47,788 - form a pyramid? - Yeah. 662 00:33:47,790 --> 00:33:49,224 And the three on the bottom 663 00:33:49,226 --> 00:33:51,124 - anchor the pyramid? - Oh, yeah. 664 00:33:51,126 --> 00:33:54,128 I don't give a shit what you do, just stay out of my way. 665 00:33:54,130 --> 00:33:56,529 Okay, 8 o'clock. Eight o'clock. 666 00:33:56,531 --> 00:33:59,834 Did you say the front was 12? Oh, fuck me. Sorry. Two o'clock. 667 00:33:59,836 --> 00:34:02,803 Eleven! Eleven! Seven-thirty! 668 00:34:02,805 --> 00:34:04,939 Six o'clock. Six! 669 00:34:04,941 --> 00:34:06,774 I'll get 6. 670 00:34:07,876 --> 00:34:09,209 Uh, shit. One-fifteen. 671 00:34:09,211 --> 00:34:10,211 One-thirteen, 1:20. 672 00:34:10,213 --> 00:34:11,612 It's moving that way. 673 00:34:11,614 --> 00:34:13,380 Why is everyone shouting numbers? 674 00:34:13,382 --> 00:34:14,815 Eleven! 675 00:34:14,817 --> 00:34:15,851 - Twelve! - Six! 676 00:34:17,554 --> 00:34:19,186 Two o'clock! 677 00:34:19,188 --> 00:34:20,188 Eight. 678 00:34:21,557 --> 00:34:23,527 - Six o'clock. - Shit. 679 00:34:27,030 --> 00:34:28,598 One o'clock. Six-thirty. 680 00:34:30,733 --> 00:34:32,432 Ten! Eight! 681 00:34:33,503 --> 00:34:34,668 - Eight! - Shit. 682 00:34:35,737 --> 00:34:36,836 Shit! 683 00:34:42,545 --> 00:34:45,246 - Narsty! - Thank you. 684 00:34:45,248 --> 00:34:46,246 You're welcome. 685 00:34:46,248 --> 00:34:48,182 One o'clock! Two-thirty. 686 00:34:48,184 --> 00:34:49,286 Three! One! 687 00:34:51,086 --> 00:34:52,389 Okay. I'll get 3. 688 00:34:54,190 --> 00:34:55,389 Right on time, Columbus. 689 00:34:57,260 --> 00:34:58,458 One o'clock! Ten-thirty! 690 00:35:01,530 --> 00:35:02,896 Eleven! Eleven! 691 00:35:02,898 --> 00:35:04,599 Actually, it's a Homer. 692 00:35:04,601 --> 00:35:07,534 Abort! Abort 11. Don't waste a bullet. 693 00:35:07,536 --> 00:35:10,570 - Hawking! Hawking! - What? Oh, shit! 694 00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:18,179 Yay! 695 00:35:19,548 --> 00:35:21,782 - Aah, he's trying to bite me! - Ninja! Ninja! 696 00:35:21,784 --> 00:35:23,052 Oh, my God! 697 00:35:24,753 --> 00:35:26,920 You saved me. 698 00:35:26,922 --> 00:35:28,224 All right. Settle down. 699 00:35:31,893 --> 00:35:35,595 - Hey, Tal, 1 o'clock. - Pardon me, Pop-Tart. 700 00:35:35,597 --> 00:35:37,298 Not quite done yet. 701 00:35:46,574 --> 00:35:47,909 What the fuck? 702 00:35:52,449 --> 00:35:54,284 Try to dodge me, motherfucker. 703 00:35:56,152 --> 00:35:59,920 This was our first T-800, 704 00:35:59,922 --> 00:36:02,322 named for the Terminator it-fucking-self. 705 00:36:02,324 --> 00:36:03,456 Uh... 706 00:36:03,458 --> 00:36:05,391 - Tal? - Yup? 707 00:36:09,498 --> 00:36:12,465 T-800s were a mutated strain of zombie, 708 00:36:12,467 --> 00:36:15,605 stronger, deadlier and harder to kill. 709 00:36:17,340 --> 00:36:20,177 One plus one is still two, right? 710 00:36:26,782 --> 00:36:31,151 They were the apex predator, top of the food chain. 711 00:36:31,153 --> 00:36:33,987 Single-minded and relentless like their namesake, 712 00:36:33,989 --> 00:36:35,755 once they locked on to a target, 713 00:36:35,757 --> 00:36:38,360 T-800s stopped at nothing to devour their prey. 714 00:36:39,461 --> 00:36:41,664 What the ever-loving fuck? 715 00:36:53,876 --> 00:36:55,409 Ew. 716 00:36:55,411 --> 00:36:57,512 Seeing that T-800 firsthand 717 00:36:57,514 --> 00:36:59,045 was all the more worrisome 718 00:36:59,047 --> 00:37:01,014 knowing that Little Rock was out there 719 00:37:01,016 --> 00:37:03,220 with nothing but a hippie and a guitar. 720 00:37:04,387 --> 00:37:09,226 ♪ Like a rollin' stone ♪ 721 00:37:11,193 --> 00:37:14,561 Okay. That song is amazing. 722 00:37:14,563 --> 00:37:15,695 Did you write that? 723 00:37:18,134 --> 00:37:19,833 Wa... Was that a dumb question? 724 00:37:19,835 --> 00:37:22,202 Sorry, I was like 11 when the zombies took over. 725 00:37:22,204 --> 00:37:23,470 Not a dumb question. 726 00:37:23,472 --> 00:37:25,039 I was laughing because you think 727 00:37:25,041 --> 00:37:26,639 I'd play some stupid cover song. 728 00:37:26,641 --> 00:37:27,842 Of course I wrote it. 729 00:37:27,844 --> 00:37:29,043 If you love that, 730 00:37:29,045 --> 00:37:31,012 then you're really gonna love this. 731 00:37:31,014 --> 00:37:34,847 But it's a work in progress, so be gentle. 732 00:37:36,186 --> 00:37:40,923 ♪ If I leave here tomorrow ♪ 733 00:37:43,458 --> 00:37:47,630 ♪ Would you still remember me? ♪ 734 00:37:50,532 --> 00:37:54,034 ♪ I must be traveling Onward... ♪ 735 00:37:54,036 --> 00:37:57,570 - A poem by Tallahassee. - Ah! 736 00:37:57,572 --> 00:38:03,911 Traveling to Graceland In comfort and class 737 00:38:03,913 --> 00:38:08,315 That Pontiac Trans Sport Can kiss my ass 738 00:38:10,219 --> 00:38:14,220 - Very good! Very good. - Here we go, baby! Woo-hoo! 739 00:38:14,222 --> 00:38:17,391 Let's go see the King and let's go get Little Rock! 740 00:38:23,032 --> 00:38:24,632 ♪ 'Cause I'm as free... ♪ 741 00:38:28,605 --> 00:38:31,340 - Did... Did we just get... - Shorter? 742 00:38:33,476 --> 00:38:34,911 I say we take the clown car. 743 00:38:36,246 --> 00:38:38,144 No, no, no. No! That is a deal-breaker. 744 00:38:38,146 --> 00:38:39,815 No fucking clowns! 745 00:38:47,023 --> 00:38:51,258 In moments of great dishonor such as this, 746 00:38:51,260 --> 00:38:56,095 ancient samurai warriors were required to commit seppuku, 747 00:38:56,097 --> 00:39:01,003 or ritual suicide by disembowelment. 748 00:39:05,875 --> 00:39:07,374 My mom had this car. 749 00:39:07,376 --> 00:39:09,642 - So did mine. - So did mine. 750 00:39:13,181 --> 00:39:15,148 Fucking minivan. 751 00:39:15,150 --> 00:39:17,483 Back on the road, yay! 752 00:39:27,764 --> 00:39:30,097 I've always wanted to start a business 753 00:39:30,099 --> 00:39:33,766 where strangers drive strangers around in their car 754 00:39:33,768 --> 00:39:35,836 - for money. - Mm. 755 00:39:35,838 --> 00:39:38,972 Let's say you were really drunk and needed a ride home. 756 00:39:38,974 --> 00:39:40,474 You'd just get online 757 00:39:40,476 --> 00:39:42,443 and hop right in with a stranger. 758 00:39:42,445 --> 00:39:45,077 And they'd take you anywhere you wanna go. 759 00:39:45,079 --> 00:39:47,648 - Oh, yeah. Who then kills you. - Yeah. Ha, ha! 760 00:39:47,650 --> 00:39:50,418 They'd have gum or, like, lollipops. 761 00:39:50,420 --> 00:39:52,186 That was what my parents taught me. 762 00:39:52,188 --> 00:39:55,889 They were like, "If a stranger offers you candy or gum, 763 00:39:55,891 --> 00:39:57,358 get in their car." Great idea. 764 00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,059 If they try to murder you, 765 00:39:59,061 --> 00:40:01,195 you can have a system so you can rate them. 766 00:40:01,197 --> 00:40:03,898 If they try to murder you, like, "You get zero points." 767 00:40:03,900 --> 00:40:07,367 But if they don't try to murder you, "You get five points." 768 00:40:07,369 --> 00:40:09,836 Madison, I think it is a very good idea. 769 00:40:09,838 --> 00:40:12,373 That's... No, I cannot see that going wrong. 770 00:40:12,375 --> 00:40:15,409 All I'm saying is the taxi industry was very flawed. 771 00:40:18,380 --> 00:40:20,715 - Mm, oop... - Are you okay? 772 00:40:20,717 --> 00:40:23,483 I think I'm, like, hot. I'm hot. 773 00:40:23,485 --> 00:40:25,017 - Yeah? - Mm-hm. 774 00:40:25,019 --> 00:40:27,387 I'm used to being in the freezer all the time. 775 00:40:27,389 --> 00:40:30,257 - Get this off. - Yeah. Sure. That makes sense. 776 00:40:36,030 --> 00:40:39,534 I feel funny. My tongue... 777 00:40:39,536 --> 00:40:41,501 My tongue... My tongue... 778 00:40:41,503 --> 00:40:43,202 Boss? You're gonna wanna pull over. 779 00:40:44,340 --> 00:40:45,639 - No. - Pull over. 780 00:40:45,641 --> 00:40:47,039 We're making good progress. 781 00:40:47,041 --> 00:40:48,041 - Ugh! - Pull over! 782 00:40:48,043 --> 00:40:49,709 - Yeah. - Okay. Okay. 783 00:40:57,420 --> 00:40:58,552 - Oh. - Oh. 784 00:40:58,554 --> 00:40:59,586 Chunkage. 785 00:40:59,588 --> 00:41:01,487 Maybe she'll pull through. 786 00:41:01,489 --> 00:41:04,124 What? You are the one who says "don't take chances." 787 00:41:06,295 --> 00:41:09,298 So who wants do the honors? 788 00:41:10,632 --> 00:41:13,333 I mean, personally, I wouldn't mind, 789 00:41:13,335 --> 00:41:16,704 but I don't want you guys calling me selfish. 790 00:41:16,706 --> 00:41:19,907 Hey, come on. She is a living, thinking being. Okay? 791 00:41:19,909 --> 00:41:21,441 She's a living being. 792 00:41:21,443 --> 00:41:25,979 Look, I know you guys are in love or whatever, 793 00:41:25,981 --> 00:41:28,414 but in two minutes, she's gonna become a: 794 00:41:30,318 --> 00:41:34,655 A zombie, not a velociraptor. And it's the right thing to do. 795 00:41:34,657 --> 00:41:38,159 If you love something, you shoot it in the face 796 00:41:38,161 --> 00:41:40,894 so it doesn't become a flesh-eating monster. 797 00:41:40,896 --> 00:41:42,329 I know. 798 00:41:42,331 --> 00:41:44,398 She's making a good point. 799 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:50,670 Maybe it's time for you to be the Brave Little Toaster. 800 00:41:55,545 --> 00:41:57,811 They say when something bad happens, 801 00:41:57,813 --> 00:41:59,546 you have three choices: 802 00:41:59,548 --> 00:42:03,018 Let it define you, destroy you, or strengthen you. 803 00:42:06,688 --> 00:42:08,891 Time to teach Lennie about the rabbits. 804 00:42:13,628 --> 00:42:15,729 No! Don't come with me! Don't come with me! 805 00:42:15,731 --> 00:42:17,530 Madison, Madison, please. 806 00:42:17,532 --> 00:42:19,867 - Madison, please. Please, please. - Don't hurt me! 807 00:42:19,869 --> 00:42:21,369 - No, no, no! - Wait. Listen to me! 808 00:42:21,371 --> 00:42:22,603 - Please. Wait. - No, no, no! 809 00:42:22,605 --> 00:42:24,771 - Madison, just wait. - I'm a monster. 810 00:42:24,773 --> 00:42:26,539 - I'm a monster. - Please, please. 811 00:42:26,541 --> 00:42:29,175 Listen. I realize we don't know each other that well. 812 00:42:29,177 --> 00:42:31,679 I mean, well, we do in the biblical sense, yes. 813 00:42:31,681 --> 00:42:33,715 But I think you're a really great person. 814 00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:37,950 Well, not now. 815 00:42:40,222 --> 00:42:42,155 I'm sorry. 816 00:42:55,003 --> 00:42:57,204 Thanks. 817 00:42:57,206 --> 00:42:59,039 Can we just, uh... 818 00:42:59,041 --> 00:43:01,074 I'm so sorry. 819 00:43:01,076 --> 00:43:03,342 All right. Just... Come on, come on, let's go. 820 00:43:14,255 --> 00:43:16,255 I'm not gonna lie and say 821 00:43:16,257 --> 00:43:18,961 that I'm broken up about it, but, um... 822 00:43:20,563 --> 00:43:22,697 - I am sorry. - Yeah. 823 00:43:22,699 --> 00:43:24,764 - She didn't deserve that. - Thanks, man. 824 00:43:24,766 --> 00:43:29,472 He's right. That's a terrible way to go, even for... 825 00:43:30,706 --> 00:43:32,938 - It's.... - Oh, come on. It's Madison. 826 00:43:32,940 --> 00:43:34,275 - You know that. - Madison! 827 00:43:34,277 --> 00:43:36,342 You know that, okay? Her name is Madison. 828 00:43:36,344 --> 00:43:39,579 Or her name was Madison. And she was a real person, okay? 829 00:43:39,581 --> 00:43:41,715 She had, you know, complex feelings 830 00:43:41,717 --> 00:43:43,516 and emotions and interests. 831 00:43:43,518 --> 00:43:48,621 She liked dolphins and rainbows, you know? And double rainbows. 832 00:43:48,623 --> 00:43:51,358 - I'm agreeing. It's sad. - Okay. 833 00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,092 That is obviously not what I wanted. 834 00:43:53,094 --> 00:43:55,795 - What is it that you do want? - I wanna find my sister. 835 00:43:55,797 --> 00:43:56,963 Me too. 836 00:43:56,965 --> 00:43:58,664 - Good. - Good. 837 00:43:58,666 --> 00:44:01,133 - Good. Great. Awesome. - Great, in fact. Great. 838 00:44:01,135 --> 00:44:03,003 This is gonna be a long drive. 839 00:44:14,182 --> 00:44:15,749 This is it. 840 00:44:15,751 --> 00:44:18,952 Hey, little buddy, don't be cruel to me 841 00:44:18,954 --> 00:44:21,157 for waking you up, but we're here. 842 00:44:22,291 --> 00:44:25,124 Oh. Oh, my God. 843 00:44:25,126 --> 00:44:26,559 Oh, my God. 844 00:44:28,898 --> 00:44:31,398 Every choice I've ever made in my life 845 00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:34,333 has been leading me to this moment right here, 846 00:44:34,335 --> 00:44:37,304 right now, 3764 Elvis Presley Boulevard. 847 00:44:37,306 --> 00:44:40,773 I feel like a 1954 teenybopper. 848 00:44:40,775 --> 00:44:41,844 And here comes... 849 00:44:44,447 --> 00:44:45,447 No. 850 00:44:48,282 --> 00:44:50,349 No, no, no! 851 00:44:50,351 --> 00:44:53,019 Hey, dude, if you need, like, a moment or... 852 00:44:53,021 --> 00:44:55,722 Oh, my God. No Graceland. 853 00:44:55,724 --> 00:44:57,456 No Beast. 854 00:44:57,458 --> 00:45:00,226 - No Little Rock. - No Little Rock? 855 00:45:00,228 --> 00:45:02,028 Am I not allowed 856 00:45:02,030 --> 00:45:06,800 one cock-sucking duck-fucking little break in this world? 857 00:45:06,802 --> 00:45:08,903 You're not the only one that's upset. 858 00:45:08,905 --> 00:45:12,673 Just... Just drive. Drive, drive. Drive now! 859 00:45:12,675 --> 00:45:14,443 Get away from here. Go! 860 00:45:18,413 --> 00:45:20,546 Graceland was a pile of rubble, 861 00:45:20,548 --> 00:45:22,182 Little Rock was still missing, 862 00:45:22,184 --> 00:45:24,050 and we were unsure of our next move. 863 00:45:24,052 --> 00:45:26,686 But sometimes, you just have to follow the signs. 864 00:45:26,688 --> 00:45:28,655 Hm. 865 00:45:28,657 --> 00:45:30,860 Well, when Z-land serves you lemons... 866 00:45:33,061 --> 00:45:35,264 Hey, Florida, 11 o'clock. 867 00:45:38,534 --> 00:45:40,032 What? 868 00:45:40,034 --> 00:45:44,039 - Hound Dog Hotel. - Oh, what a bunch of bull. 869 00:45:45,974 --> 00:45:48,778 - Whoa, the Beast! - Little Rock! 870 00:45:56,751 --> 00:45:59,452 Damn. Wow, 871 00:45:59,454 --> 00:46:01,220 for a place that ain't Graceland, 872 00:46:01,222 --> 00:46:03,523 it sure looks a hell of a lot like Graceland. 873 00:46:03,525 --> 00:46:05,124 - Yeah, it does. - Here's the idea. 874 00:46:05,126 --> 00:46:06,760 We'll split up. I'll go this way. 875 00:46:06,762 --> 00:46:08,561 No, no, no. I should talk to her. 876 00:46:08,563 --> 00:46:11,632 I'm her sister. I'll talk to her first. You guys stay here. 877 00:46:11,634 --> 00:46:13,400 Mm, sound. 878 00:46:13,402 --> 00:46:16,603 - Huh. - Buh, buh, buh, buh. 879 00:46:16,605 --> 00:46:19,104 - Little respect. - Why? He's dead probably. 880 00:46:19,106 --> 00:46:21,576 Oh. Oh, for you. Okay. 881 00:46:24,112 --> 00:46:26,313 - This is so degrading. - It's not for me. 882 00:46:26,315 --> 00:46:27,315 Yeah, I know. 883 00:46:28,617 --> 00:46:30,117 Okay. 884 00:46:30,119 --> 00:46:32,119 - Oh, yeah. - Smells like a wet dog died. 885 00:46:32,121 --> 00:46:33,854 - That's not... Push it. - I am. 886 00:46:33,856 --> 00:46:36,659 - Square peg, round hole. Stop. - Yeah, okay. Sorry. 887 00:46:41,230 --> 00:46:43,796 Oh, my God. It's uncanny. 888 00:46:43,798 --> 00:46:46,099 This is incredible. 889 00:46:46,101 --> 00:46:49,735 It's a perfect fit. I feel like Cinderella at the ball. 890 00:46:49,737 --> 00:46:53,974 Are you jealous that I have the same size shoe as Elvis? 891 00:46:53,976 --> 00:46:57,680 No. It's not like those are Elvis' actual shoes. 892 00:47:00,748 --> 00:47:02,184 Sorry. 893 00:47:22,471 --> 00:47:26,206 ♪ Well, I never been to Spain ♪ 894 00:47:29,311 --> 00:47:30,546 Little Rock? 895 00:47:35,349 --> 00:47:38,520 ♪ The ladies are insane ♪ 896 00:47:41,356 --> 00:47:45,194 ♪ And they don't have it easy ♪ 897 00:47:50,865 --> 00:47:54,635 ♪ Well, I never been To heaven... ♪ 898 00:47:54,637 --> 00:47:56,202 Ow! 899 00:47:57,639 --> 00:48:00,874 - Start talking. - Ah, you first. 900 00:48:00,876 --> 00:48:03,376 - Hi, my name's Tallahassee. - Nevada. 901 00:48:03,378 --> 00:48:06,079 - Which part? - Nevada's as close as you get. 902 00:48:06,081 --> 00:48:08,081 Now, what are you doing in the Hound Dog? 903 00:48:08,083 --> 00:48:11,052 I got a thing for the King. 904 00:48:12,588 --> 00:48:15,555 No, no, don't shoot my friends. 905 00:48:15,557 --> 00:48:18,157 - Anybody else in here with you? - No, just us. 906 00:48:18,159 --> 00:48:21,561 We're all civilized people. Let's just put the guns down. 907 00:48:21,563 --> 00:48:24,664 Why the hell are you wearing Elvis' actual shoes? 908 00:48:24,666 --> 00:48:25,701 Comfort. 909 00:48:27,369 --> 00:48:29,568 - You live here? - Yeah. 910 00:48:29,570 --> 00:48:32,671 So that car out front, the girl who was driving it, is she... 911 00:48:32,673 --> 00:48:35,742 Gone. She and that poser peace lover of hers... 912 00:48:35,744 --> 00:48:38,311 - Berkeley. - Berkeley. 913 00:48:38,313 --> 00:48:39,679 ...took off a few days ago. 914 00:48:39,681 --> 00:48:41,682 And trust me, they shouldn't have. 915 00:48:41,684 --> 00:48:42,916 It's not safe out there. 916 00:48:42,918 --> 00:48:45,818 - Damn it. - Why didn't they take the Beast? 917 00:48:45,820 --> 00:48:47,753 He said it was too "establishment." 918 00:48:47,755 --> 00:48:51,090 Oh, I will kill that little fart snack myself. 919 00:48:51,092 --> 00:48:53,092 You're lucky I didn't do the same to you. 920 00:48:53,094 --> 00:48:56,231 Seriously. You know how close I came to Murraying you? 921 00:48:59,268 --> 00:49:01,434 To what-ing him? 922 00:49:01,436 --> 00:49:04,403 Murraying him. You know, when you shoot someone 923 00:49:04,405 --> 00:49:06,373 because you think they're a zombie. 924 00:49:06,375 --> 00:49:09,141 Apparently, that's how Bill Murray died. 925 00:49:09,143 --> 00:49:11,278 Wow, God, who's Bill Murray? I never... 926 00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:12,912 I don't even know what that is. 927 00:49:12,914 --> 00:49:15,414 Oh, the actor. That's so sad. 928 00:49:15,416 --> 00:49:17,117 I don't read Variety. That's sad. 929 00:49:17,119 --> 00:49:19,786 Sorry if you knew him. If you didn't, I'm still sorry. 930 00:49:19,788 --> 00:49:22,554 It's sad when anybody dies. Sounds like an urban legend. 931 00:49:22,556 --> 00:49:25,126 - It happened. - I doubt it. It's weird. What? 932 00:49:27,797 --> 00:49:30,229 I'll say this about Murray, 933 00:49:30,231 --> 00:49:34,300 if I ever find out who did him, I'm gonna do him. 934 00:49:34,302 --> 00:49:36,436 Me too. I'll be... You first, but me second. 935 00:49:36,438 --> 00:49:38,204 Don't listen to this guy. 936 00:49:38,206 --> 00:49:39,873 He's killed more celebrities than cocaine. 937 00:49:39,875 --> 00:49:41,608 The girl that was here before, 938 00:49:41,610 --> 00:49:43,242 did she say where she was going? 939 00:49:43,244 --> 00:49:46,213 No, but that idiot Berkeley 940 00:49:46,215 --> 00:49:48,148 wouldn't shut up about it. 941 00:49:48,150 --> 00:49:50,383 Babylon is a commune, safe haven, 942 00:49:50,385 --> 00:49:51,950 protected on all sides. 943 00:49:51,952 --> 00:49:55,387 Completely pacifist. No guns or violence of any kind. 944 00:49:55,389 --> 00:49:57,157 A lot of young people too, you know. 945 00:49:57,159 --> 00:49:59,226 Generation Z living in peace and harmony. 946 00:49:59,228 --> 00:50:01,494 - It sounds cool. - I know you had your heart set 947 00:50:01,496 --> 00:50:06,335 on this Graceland, but this is mucho, mucho better. 948 00:50:13,376 --> 00:50:16,610 This is a very good replica of the King's Jungle Room, 949 00:50:16,612 --> 00:50:18,945 where he recorded his last two albums. 950 00:50:18,947 --> 00:50:22,782 From Elvis Presley Boulevard, Memphis, Tennessee and... 951 00:50:22,784 --> 00:50:24,950 And Moody Blue. 952 00:50:24,952 --> 00:50:26,155 You know your Elvis. 953 00:50:27,621 --> 00:50:30,492 Every lover of the King has a story. 954 00:50:31,626 --> 00:50:33,159 What's yours? 955 00:50:33,161 --> 00:50:36,563 My mama took me to see Elvis when I was a kid. 956 00:50:36,565 --> 00:50:39,331 Something about him. Attitude, the music... 957 00:50:39,333 --> 00:50:41,834 The hips, the ass. 958 00:50:41,836 --> 00:50:43,836 Well, I was 10, but with Elvis, 959 00:50:43,838 --> 00:50:45,438 there is something for everyone. 960 00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:47,706 Cut to later, I'm in high school. 961 00:50:47,708 --> 00:50:50,644 And my buddy Frankie Hammond says, uh: 962 00:50:50,646 --> 00:50:52,979 "Do your Elvis." 963 00:50:52,981 --> 00:50:56,316 I said, "We're in the library. It's gonna be loud." 964 00:50:56,318 --> 00:50:58,851 He convinces me. He starts tapping his pencil, 965 00:50:58,853 --> 00:51:00,088 and I get up. 966 00:51:03,893 --> 00:51:07,327 ♪ You ain't nothing But a hound dog ♪ 967 00:51:07,329 --> 00:51:10,162 ♪ Crying all the time Bo, bo, doo-de-doo ♪ 968 00:51:10,164 --> 00:51:12,932 Everybody starts gathering around and clapping, 969 00:51:12,934 --> 00:51:15,869 and I jumped on a table. I finish off with a flourish. 970 00:51:15,871 --> 00:51:17,869 ♪ You ain't never Caught a rabbit ♪ 971 00:51:17,871 --> 00:51:19,738 ♪ You ain't no friend of mine ♪ 972 00:51:21,208 --> 00:51:24,545 Yeah! And the whole place, thunderous applause. 973 00:51:24,547 --> 00:51:27,713 And up comes the cutest girl in the school, 974 00:51:27,715 --> 00:51:31,918 Robin Rogers, who never gave me the time of day before. 975 00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:34,253 She plants a kiss on my cheek. 976 00:51:34,255 --> 00:51:36,555 And for a moment, just one, 977 00:51:36,557 --> 00:51:38,326 I felt like the King. 978 00:51:41,396 --> 00:51:44,233 I suddenly feel a little jealous of Robin Rogers. 979 00:51:46,402 --> 00:51:47,402 You don't say. 980 00:51:49,670 --> 00:51:51,139 I don't know about you... 981 00:51:52,775 --> 00:51:54,477 ...but I feel my temperature rising. 982 00:51:59,081 --> 00:52:00,282 Mm. 983 00:52:03,217 --> 00:52:06,019 This is Babylon. 984 00:52:06,021 --> 00:52:09,421 Oh, like those ancient hanging gardens. 985 00:52:09,423 --> 00:52:11,557 - Huh? - Of Babylon. 986 00:52:11,559 --> 00:52:14,793 No, no. It's named for that cool David Gray song. 987 00:52:14,795 --> 00:52:16,631 Man, I wish I'd written that one. 988 00:52:17,967 --> 00:52:20,766 No guns allowed is our one rule. 989 00:52:20,768 --> 00:52:23,938 - That, and no group sex. - All right. Hand them over. 990 00:52:26,574 --> 00:52:28,807 Here you go. 991 00:52:28,809 --> 00:52:31,244 No guns. No guns. Just hugs. 992 00:52:31,246 --> 00:52:33,079 Then welcome. 993 00:52:33,081 --> 00:52:35,447 Come on, señorita. You're gonna love this place. 994 00:52:35,449 --> 00:52:37,516 It's completely safe and entirely organic. 995 00:52:37,518 --> 00:52:39,452 - This is so cool. - All right. 996 00:52:39,454 --> 00:52:42,155 We're gonna melt your guns here and give you a pendant. 997 00:52:42,157 --> 00:52:43,990 - They melt it? - Yeah. 998 00:52:43,992 --> 00:52:45,325 It's a symbolic thing. 999 00:52:45,327 --> 00:52:46,959 Goodbye, violence. 1000 00:52:46,961 --> 00:52:48,595 Hello, peace. 1001 00:52:48,597 --> 00:52:49,795 Once we're done, 1002 00:52:49,797 --> 00:52:51,430 we'll take you up to the rooftop. 1003 00:52:51,432 --> 00:52:52,599 I hope you like stairs. 1004 00:52:52,601 --> 00:52:53,601 That's good. 1005 00:52:57,405 --> 00:52:59,773 - Thanks. - Welcome to Babylon. 1006 00:52:59,775 --> 00:53:01,675 Let me show you the way. 1007 00:53:01,677 --> 00:53:02,809 Aw, right on. 1008 00:53:07,315 --> 00:53:09,014 Hey, brother. What's up? 1009 00:53:09,016 --> 00:53:10,719 - Hi. - Yeah. 1010 00:53:30,471 --> 00:53:34,007 Wake up, my little blue suede baby. 1011 00:53:34,009 --> 00:53:36,041 It's now or never. Ooh! 1012 00:53:36,043 --> 00:53:39,412 My friends say you're sleeping like a tired pup. 1013 00:53:41,516 --> 00:53:42,682 What the fuck? 1014 00:53:43,918 --> 00:53:44,920 Shit. 1015 00:53:52,025 --> 00:53:54,494 Oh, no, no, no! 1016 00:53:54,496 --> 00:53:56,496 This is not happening! 1017 00:53:56,498 --> 00:53:59,633 This is not fucking happening! 1018 00:53:59,635 --> 00:54:01,833 Hey, motherfucker, that's my ride! 1019 00:54:01,835 --> 00:54:04,369 Oh, my apologies, tiny Elvis. 1020 00:54:04,371 --> 00:54:07,673 Just didn't expect anything to be parked in my driveway. 1021 00:54:07,675 --> 00:54:08,744 Your driveway? 1022 00:54:10,478 --> 00:54:12,979 That's right. My driveway. 1023 00:54:12,981 --> 00:54:14,914 Well, that's funny. When I parked in it, 1024 00:54:14,916 --> 00:54:16,282 no one told me to pull out. 1025 00:54:18,052 --> 00:54:20,519 Well, actually, it's my driveway. 1026 00:54:20,521 --> 00:54:22,354 Hey, Nevada. 1027 00:54:22,356 --> 00:54:27,260 But see, when I'm in town, I use it. 1028 00:54:27,262 --> 00:54:30,731 Well, I'm in town now, and I'm using it. 1029 00:54:30,733 --> 00:54:32,865 Keep talking like this, and I can arrange 1030 00:54:32,867 --> 00:54:35,767 so neither of you ever uses my driveway again. 1031 00:54:35,769 --> 00:54:37,802 I don't think they're talking about the driveway. 1032 00:54:37,804 --> 00:54:39,206 No, I don't think so. 1033 00:54:39,208 --> 00:54:41,474 - You happy now? Good move. - Satisfied? Good job. 1034 00:54:41,476 --> 00:54:44,309 - Does he remind you of...? - Yeah, it's weird. 1035 00:54:44,311 --> 00:54:47,079 I don't like you at all. 1036 00:54:47,081 --> 00:54:48,447 It's not weird, it's creepy. 1037 00:54:48,449 --> 00:54:50,115 It's like an un-funhouse mirror. 1038 00:54:50,117 --> 00:54:53,385 I think you double-parked or more perpendicular-parked. 1039 00:54:53,387 --> 00:54:55,421 - Hope we don't get a ticket. - Whoa. 1040 00:54:55,423 --> 00:54:57,523 - Calm down. - I'm just ragging you. 1041 00:54:57,525 --> 00:55:00,092 - What is going on here? - What? 1042 00:55:00,094 --> 00:55:02,195 - What do you mean, "what"? - What? 1043 00:55:02,197 --> 00:55:05,030 - Does he not remind you of...? - Hello, everyone. 1044 00:55:05,032 --> 00:55:07,233 Of... Of what? 1045 00:55:07,235 --> 00:55:08,735 - This is Albuquerque. - Howdy. 1046 00:55:08,737 --> 00:55:10,869 - I'm Flagstaff. - Hey. I'm Columbus. 1047 00:55:10,871 --> 00:55:12,472 Oh, great. 1048 00:55:12,474 --> 00:55:15,208 Uh, this is Tallahassee, Wichita, 1049 00:55:15,210 --> 00:55:17,409 - and I guess you know Nevada. - Yes, I do. 1050 00:55:17,411 --> 00:55:18,577 Easy, cowboy. 1051 00:55:18,579 --> 00:55:20,612 So sorry about your ex-car. 1052 00:55:20,614 --> 00:55:23,985 I guess, as I like to say, expect the unexpected. 1053 00:55:25,253 --> 00:55:28,320 - It's one of my commandments. - Oh. 1054 00:55:28,322 --> 00:55:30,289 - Commandments? - Yeah. Sort of guidelines 1055 00:55:30,291 --> 00:55:32,425 for staying alive. I've got loads of them. 1056 00:55:32,427 --> 00:55:34,461 - Hm, interesting. - Number one is teamwork. 1057 00:55:34,463 --> 00:55:37,030 Teamwork. That's so great. 1058 00:55:37,032 --> 00:55:38,932 I spent a long time thinking about it. 1059 00:55:38,934 --> 00:55:41,601 I have rules, you know, which is, like, less biblical. 1060 00:55:41,603 --> 00:55:44,336 I love rules. Without rules, everything's chaos. 1061 00:55:44,338 --> 00:55:46,840 - Thank you. - Columbus has quite a few rules. 1062 00:55:46,842 --> 00:55:48,941 - I do. - Awesome. Like what? 1063 00:55:48,943 --> 00:55:51,344 - I don't wanna toot my own horn. - Go on, toot. 1064 00:55:51,346 --> 00:55:53,579 - Let me toot for him. Uh... - Thank you. 1065 00:55:53,581 --> 00:55:56,583 - Number one, cardio. - That's right. 1066 00:55:56,585 --> 00:55:57,751 Cardio. Okay. 1067 00:55:57,753 --> 00:55:59,786 - What? - I don't mean to laugh. 1068 00:55:59,788 --> 00:56:03,789 It's just that cardiovascular fitness is his number 29, 1069 00:56:03,791 --> 00:56:05,592 meaning he has 28 other commandments 1070 00:56:05,594 --> 00:56:07,193 that he finds more important, 1071 00:56:07,195 --> 00:56:09,795 like, say, what's one of your great ones? 1072 00:56:09,797 --> 00:56:12,499 Number 12. The world is your bathroom, meaning 1073 00:56:12,501 --> 00:56:15,769 you can whip it out wherever you want, and have at it. 1074 00:56:15,771 --> 00:56:17,970 Oh, just whip it out wherever you want! 1075 00:56:17,972 --> 00:56:19,505 That sounds a little uncouth. 1076 00:56:19,507 --> 00:56:21,807 The "whip it out" part's for guys, obviously. 1077 00:56:21,809 --> 00:56:24,744 If you're a woman, you can reveal it. 1078 00:56:24,746 --> 00:56:27,012 - Whichever. - I have beware of bathrooms. 1079 00:56:27,014 --> 00:56:29,215 Yeah, I'm just generally careful around them. 1080 00:56:29,217 --> 00:56:31,349 But it's not a competition. 1081 00:56:31,351 --> 00:56:34,220 - No, doesn't have to be. - But number 18 is limber up. 1082 00:56:34,222 --> 00:56:36,255 - But that's... - That's fine. I have warm up. 1083 00:56:36,257 --> 00:56:39,325 Again, not a competition, but commandment number 45 1084 00:56:39,327 --> 00:56:41,594 for me is, well, mind your manners. 1085 00:56:41,596 --> 00:56:43,195 Just because it's the apocalypse 1086 00:56:43,197 --> 00:56:44,831 doesn't mean you have to be rude. 1087 00:56:44,833 --> 00:56:46,731 Keep your hands to yourself, number 42. 1088 00:56:46,733 --> 00:56:47,867 Do you have sunscreen? 1089 00:56:47,869 --> 00:56:49,603 - Just shade. - Shade. Of course. 1090 00:56:49,605 --> 00:56:52,572 It's free. It's everywhere. Yeah. Number two, double tap. 1091 00:56:52,574 --> 00:56:54,974 I have number five, confirm your kill. 1092 00:56:54,976 --> 00:56:57,010 - Confirm your kill. - Avoid perishables. 1093 00:56:57,012 --> 00:56:58,979 - Do you have that? - Sorry. Ziploc bags. 1094 00:56:58,981 --> 00:57:01,046 - Same thing, different word. - Yeah. Exactly. 1095 00:57:01,048 --> 00:57:03,416 I probably would shy away from the word "Ziploc" 1096 00:57:03,418 --> 00:57:05,150 because I try to avoid name brands. 1097 00:57:05,152 --> 00:57:08,220 Okay, great. So, what brought you guys back so soon? 1098 00:57:08,222 --> 00:57:11,224 We was headed for the Rockies, but the goddamn Bolts... 1099 00:57:11,226 --> 00:57:13,059 - Bolts? - Yeah. 1100 00:57:13,061 --> 00:57:14,661 The zombies out on the plains. 1101 00:57:14,663 --> 00:57:16,896 They're a lot tougher than what we're used to. 1102 00:57:16,898 --> 00:57:19,898 I guess because of all the running and hunting. 1103 00:57:19,900 --> 00:57:22,068 So we call them Bolts, as in Usain. 1104 00:57:22,070 --> 00:57:23,603 As in pretty fucking athletic. 1105 00:57:23,605 --> 00:57:25,472 No, that makes total sense. 1106 00:57:25,474 --> 00:57:27,974 - We call them T-800s. - Terminator. Yes! I love it. 1107 00:57:27,976 --> 00:57:29,275 Really? 1108 00:57:29,277 --> 00:57:30,909 Yes. My favorite movie. Well, T2. 1109 00:57:30,911 --> 00:57:32,744 Yeah, T2 is my second favorite movie. 1110 00:57:32,746 --> 00:57:35,815 - What's number one? - Uh, it's Fantasia. 1111 00:57:36,983 --> 00:57:38,583 Well, anyhow, 1112 00:57:38,585 --> 00:57:40,552 the Bolts' food sources are running low, 1113 00:57:40,554 --> 00:57:42,655 so they're pushing east, which is no bueno. 1114 00:57:42,657 --> 00:57:44,824 You know what else is no bueno? 1115 00:57:44,826 --> 00:57:47,126 You murdered the Beast. 1116 00:57:47,128 --> 00:57:50,063 Yeah, well, let me call AAA for you. 1117 00:57:50,065 --> 00:57:52,498 I'm sure they'll be right over. 1118 00:57:52,500 --> 00:57:54,867 So you have to play your cards as... 1119 00:57:54,869 --> 00:57:57,970 Whoo, that onesie was starting to cut off my circulation. 1120 00:57:57,972 --> 00:58:00,907 - To your vagina? - Your vagina. 1121 00:58:00,909 --> 00:58:02,907 What'll you have, Florida? 1122 00:58:02,909 --> 00:58:05,644 He strikes me as the, uh, lemon drop type. 1123 00:58:05,646 --> 00:58:08,648 You know, something with an umbrella or something like that. 1124 00:58:08,650 --> 00:58:11,251 I heard "something with an umbrella." Make it two. 1125 00:58:11,253 --> 00:58:12,284 Three please. Three. 1126 00:58:12,286 --> 00:58:14,320 So that's your sidekick. 1127 00:58:14,322 --> 00:58:15,889 That's my partner. 1128 00:58:15,891 --> 00:58:18,490 You might look at Flagstaff and think: 1129 00:58:18,492 --> 00:58:21,126 "Oh, he's a little slight, diminutive." 1130 00:58:21,128 --> 00:58:24,998 Effeminate even, but he's a real beast in battle. Yeah. 1131 00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:28,133 Come on. You're being sweet. You sweet, sweet man. Thank you. 1132 00:58:28,135 --> 00:58:29,834 - Well, I love you. - Love you too. 1133 00:58:29,836 --> 00:58:32,472 Yeah, you know, Tubbs to my Crockett over here. 1134 00:58:32,474 --> 00:58:35,441 He may look a little bookish, but he's an animal too. 1135 00:58:35,443 --> 00:58:38,144 He eats zombies for breakfast, shits them out by lunch. 1136 00:58:38,146 --> 00:58:39,644 Cheers. 1137 00:58:39,646 --> 00:58:41,847 He shits out everything by lunch. 1138 00:58:44,452 --> 00:58:46,719 What the hell was that? 1139 00:58:50,625 --> 00:58:52,224 They must have followed you. 1140 00:58:52,226 --> 00:58:54,293 Oh, God, those are T-800s. 1141 00:58:54,295 --> 00:58:56,162 Or at the very least T-700s. 1142 00:58:56,164 --> 00:58:58,930 - There was no T-700. - Yeah, T-800's the first model. 1143 00:58:58,932 --> 00:59:02,001 This is great, having the two of you. 1144 00:59:02,003 --> 00:59:04,604 Okay. Time to nut up or shut up. 1145 00:59:04,606 --> 00:59:07,474 That saying's very 2009. 1146 00:59:11,012 --> 00:59:13,845 - Okay. We got this. - Ho! 1147 00:59:13,847 --> 00:59:16,115 You don't send a boy to do a man's job. 1148 00:59:16,117 --> 00:59:18,450 We brought them here. We'll take care of it. 1149 00:59:18,452 --> 00:59:20,985 Yeah, you know what? Have at 'em. 1150 00:59:20,987 --> 00:59:23,121 You have a safe word in case things go bad? 1151 00:59:23,123 --> 00:59:24,691 Heh, that's good. Come on, Flag, 1152 00:59:24,693 --> 00:59:26,793 let's show these fuckers how it's done. 1153 00:59:26,795 --> 00:59:28,860 Sure. You got it, boss. 1154 00:59:28,862 --> 00:59:31,363 Hasta la vista, baby. Terminator 2. 1155 00:59:31,365 --> 00:59:33,699 - Remember? - Ready, buddy? 1156 00:59:33,701 --> 00:59:35,867 He's so cool. 1157 00:59:35,869 --> 00:59:38,204 Whoo, heh, heh! Suck these bullets! 1158 00:59:38,206 --> 00:59:39,673 Come on! Get you some! 1159 00:59:39,675 --> 00:59:42,675 Anybody else find those two uniquely annoying? 1160 00:59:42,677 --> 00:59:45,113 - Get it! - Uniquely? No. 1161 00:59:47,081 --> 00:59:48,882 Well, I don't love their chances. 1162 00:59:48,884 --> 00:59:51,684 They ignored rule 52, don't be afraid to ask for help. 1163 00:59:51,686 --> 00:59:54,019 Get fucked in the face, bitch! 1164 00:59:54,021 --> 00:59:55,688 - Flagstaff? - Yeah, boss? 1165 00:59:55,690 --> 00:59:58,724 You made the all-star team today. I mean, no kidding. 1166 00:59:58,726 --> 01:00:00,059 Unbelievable job. 1167 01:00:00,061 --> 01:00:01,927 And is it me, or are those Bolts 1168 01:00:01,929 --> 01:00:04,030 they're just getting meaner by the day? 1169 01:00:04,032 --> 01:00:07,032 - They're full-blown dickheads. - I got an action shot of you 1170 01:00:07,034 --> 01:00:09,269 that's going right into the scrapbook. 1171 01:00:09,271 --> 01:00:12,371 This is gonna be a good one. You just keep raising the bar, 1172 01:00:12,373 --> 01:00:15,907 and that's why we will continue to ride these highways together. 1173 01:00:15,909 --> 01:00:18,344 - I'm so proud of you. - I learned from the best. 1174 01:00:18,346 --> 01:00:20,380 - Oh, come on now. - Nice work, Querq. 1175 01:00:20,382 --> 01:00:21,748 Thank you. Thank you. 1176 01:00:21,750 --> 01:00:24,282 This is gonna be a hell of a shot. Ha, ha! 1177 01:00:24,284 --> 01:00:26,751 It's so cool he let you wear the hat. 1178 01:00:26,753 --> 01:00:28,287 - Querq? - Yeah? 1179 01:00:28,289 --> 01:00:31,157 I think you got a little something here. 1180 01:00:32,827 --> 01:00:34,325 Oh, what, that? 1181 01:00:35,896 --> 01:00:39,231 Oh, yeah, that's just... That's just a tattoo. 1182 01:00:41,235 --> 01:00:44,170 Sorry, you got a tattoo of a zombie bite? 1183 01:00:44,172 --> 01:00:48,074 No, it's just a tattoo I got one night in Bernalillo. 1184 01:00:48,076 --> 01:00:49,076 Huh. 1185 01:00:50,143 --> 01:00:51,476 All right, everybody. 1186 01:00:51,478 --> 01:00:55,148 Just take it easy. Everything's fine. 1187 01:00:55,150 --> 01:00:57,950 Nevada, why don't you whip up some of your signature... 1188 01:01:01,956 --> 01:01:04,590 All right. That was a little weird, huh? 1189 01:01:04,592 --> 01:01:07,659 - Yeah. - All right. Just calm down. 1190 01:01:07,661 --> 01:01:09,595 We'll just have a drink, you know. 1191 01:01:10,898 --> 01:01:13,934 So we can just kind of celeb... Celeb... 1192 01:01:17,003 --> 01:01:19,237 Excuse me. It's okay. 1193 01:01:19,239 --> 01:01:21,773 It's just nerves from the fight. Just... 1194 01:01:22,909 --> 01:01:24,309 Uh, you guys, I think 1195 01:01:24,311 --> 01:01:26,512 Albuquerque might be infected. 1196 01:01:26,514 --> 01:01:28,313 Me? I'm infected? 1197 01:01:29,351 --> 01:01:30,682 You got bit twice. 1198 01:01:30,684 --> 01:01:32,717 - Ah, Flagstaff! - No, no. That's a lie. 1199 01:01:32,719 --> 01:01:34,720 Trust me. Okay? Trust me. 1200 01:01:34,722 --> 01:01:36,356 I don't get bit. I never get bit. 1201 01:01:36,358 --> 01:01:38,490 I don't get bit either. We're slippery. 1202 01:01:38,492 --> 01:01:39,858 - See? - I know. Are you okay? 1203 01:01:39,860 --> 01:01:41,994 - I'm fine. I'm totally fine. - You are? 1204 01:01:41,996 --> 01:01:44,066 - I'm fine. - Okay, he's fine. He's fine. 1205 01:01:45,166 --> 01:01:46,865 No, he's not fine. No. 1206 01:01:46,867 --> 01:01:50,869 No. You're starting to look like a T-800. Terminator 2. 1207 01:01:53,074 --> 01:01:54,509 No. No, no, no! 1208 01:01:55,543 --> 01:01:57,376 No! 1209 01:01:57,378 --> 01:01:58,476 Aah! 1210 01:01:58,478 --> 01:02:01,146 Move! Move! Get out of the way. 1211 01:02:01,148 --> 01:02:03,282 Aah! Aah! 1212 01:02:03,284 --> 01:02:04,284 Ow! 1213 01:02:07,054 --> 01:02:08,454 No! No! 1214 01:02:09,958 --> 01:02:11,322 Flagstaff, you're breaking 1215 01:02:11,324 --> 01:02:13,094 like 10 commandments right now! 1216 01:02:19,065 --> 01:02:21,936 This is for what you did to the Beast! Unh! 1217 01:02:23,538 --> 01:02:24,570 Sorry! 1218 01:02:26,306 --> 01:02:27,539 - How you doing? - Bad! 1219 01:02:27,541 --> 01:02:29,141 - How are you? - Bad! 1220 01:02:30,811 --> 01:02:32,681 Sorry, shoes. Sorry, Elvis. 1221 01:02:39,688 --> 01:02:41,088 Oh, shit. Oh! 1222 01:02:42,722 --> 01:02:45,691 - How you doing now? - Still bad! You wanna switch? 1223 01:02:45,693 --> 01:02:48,461 Switch? How would that benefit me? 1224 01:02:56,536 --> 01:02:57,605 Shit! 1225 01:03:04,746 --> 01:03:08,583 - Help! Shoot him! Shoot him! - I don't wanna hit you! 1226 01:03:13,420 --> 01:03:14,586 Shit. 1227 01:03:14,588 --> 01:03:17,159 Gun, gun, gun! Oh, shit! 1228 01:03:20,195 --> 01:03:22,128 Stop shooting! I got this! 1229 01:03:22,130 --> 01:03:23,498 Great, because I'm reloading! 1230 01:03:32,572 --> 01:03:36,474 Don't swing! Don't swing! Don't swing! Swing! 1231 01:03:36,476 --> 01:03:38,443 Shit! 1232 01:03:38,445 --> 01:03:41,179 No, no, no, not me! Not me! Oh, fuck! 1233 01:03:41,181 --> 01:03:44,316 Hasta la vista, baby. 1234 01:03:44,318 --> 01:03:46,621 Thank you. Thank you very much. 1235 01:03:47,956 --> 01:03:50,688 Those guys are dicks. 1236 01:03:50,690 --> 01:03:52,325 Great job. 1237 01:03:52,327 --> 01:03:53,626 Thank you. 1238 01:03:53,628 --> 01:03:56,528 - Ah. Can I wear the hat? - Oh, negatory. 1239 01:03:56,530 --> 01:04:00,199 - Cool. - Zombie Kill of the Year? 1240 01:04:00,201 --> 01:04:03,336 Mm, sorry. Not with the performance just turned in 1241 01:04:03,338 --> 01:04:05,037 by Matteo Bianchi of Pisa, Italy. 1242 01:04:05,139 --> 01:04:08,941 Help! I'm a lost tourist with two defenseless children. 1243 01:04:10,180 --> 01:04:11,180 Help! 1244 01:04:14,184 --> 01:04:16,384 Fucking sons of bitches! 1245 01:04:19,987 --> 01:04:21,889 Yeah, yeah. That Pisa. 1246 01:04:22,058 --> 01:04:23,858 You won't eat me. 1247 01:04:24,561 --> 01:04:26,261 Not today! 1248 01:04:33,002 --> 01:04:34,702 Go fuck yourselves! 1249 01:04:36,003 --> 01:04:37,471 Bravisimmo, Mateo. 1250 01:04:40,375 --> 01:04:43,342 Ahh, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! 1251 01:04:43,344 --> 01:04:45,911 Jesus, Big Fat Death is right. 1252 01:04:45,913 --> 01:04:48,648 That thing is, like, a huge rollover risk. 1253 01:04:48,650 --> 01:04:50,383 It is. 1254 01:04:50,385 --> 01:04:53,818 Hey, dude, I think you should ask her to come with us. 1255 01:04:53,820 --> 01:04:55,054 - No, no, no. - Come on, yes. 1256 01:04:55,056 --> 01:04:57,188 I think they make a nice match. 1257 01:04:57,190 --> 01:04:59,157 Look, what have I been telling you guys? 1258 01:04:59,159 --> 01:05:01,327 I'm trying to shed baggage, not pick it up. 1259 01:05:01,329 --> 01:05:04,429 - Yeah. - Besides, she wouldn't do that. 1260 01:05:04,431 --> 01:05:05,866 She's not the type. 1261 01:05:08,936 --> 01:05:10,505 Stay safe, Sunshine State. 1262 01:05:12,472 --> 01:05:14,009 Excuse me. 1263 01:05:18,313 --> 01:05:20,045 Stay dangerous, Nevada. 1264 01:05:28,155 --> 01:05:32,258 Okay. Hey, no offense, but my sister is still out there. 1265 01:05:32,260 --> 01:05:34,596 Wanna hit the old road. 1266 01:05:35,929 --> 01:05:38,098 If by some miracle you don't die... 1267 01:05:39,833 --> 01:05:42,436 there's always room in my driveway. 1268 01:05:45,105 --> 01:05:46,574 I best stay alive. 1269 01:05:49,309 --> 01:05:50,876 Okay, you're back. Good. 1270 01:05:50,878 --> 01:05:53,244 Do you know how to drive one of these things? 1271 01:05:53,246 --> 01:05:56,548 I'm gonna just pop that puppy off of there 1272 01:05:56,550 --> 01:05:59,050 and then you guys can jump in. 1273 01:05:59,052 --> 01:06:00,487 Nice. 1274 01:06:02,590 --> 01:06:05,458 She's a big old stallion, but I can tame her. 1275 01:06:12,333 --> 01:06:13,802 Whoo! 1276 01:06:17,771 --> 01:06:18,871 Oh, shit. 1277 01:06:23,110 --> 01:06:25,780 - I think he's got the hang of it. - Shit! 1278 01:06:26,914 --> 01:06:28,748 - No. No, no. - No, no, no. 1279 01:06:28,750 --> 01:06:30,916 Goddamn motherfucker! 1280 01:06:30,918 --> 01:06:32,019 Got it. 1281 01:06:39,059 --> 01:06:42,628 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 1282 01:06:42,630 --> 01:06:44,332 Maybe you should leave a note. 1283 01:06:45,934 --> 01:06:47,266 That's your department. 1284 01:06:52,139 --> 01:06:55,539 I... I just can't do it. 1285 01:06:55,541 --> 01:06:56,810 Yeah. I'll drive. 1286 01:07:03,483 --> 01:07:05,085 What was that? 1287 01:07:06,353 --> 01:07:07,619 Satisfying. 1288 01:07:13,293 --> 01:07:15,094 Teamwork. Always put the team first. 1289 01:07:15,096 --> 01:07:17,195 I can't believe I didn't have that. Stupid. 1290 01:07:17,197 --> 01:07:19,632 You know, if Flagstaff was so great, 1291 01:07:19,634 --> 01:07:23,001 then where was the undeniably gorgeous 1292 01:07:23,003 --> 01:07:25,938 but emotionally inaccessible Kansas City? 1293 01:07:25,940 --> 01:07:27,505 I don't know. Maybe she split 1294 01:07:27,507 --> 01:07:30,043 because she thought they had a random relationship. 1295 01:07:30,045 --> 01:07:33,144 Or maybe she was just about to come back 1296 01:07:33,146 --> 01:07:36,351 under the thinly veiled cover of needing guns and ammo. 1297 01:07:37,550 --> 01:07:40,151 Wait, what are you getting at? 1298 01:07:40,153 --> 01:07:42,720 I think you're smart enough to figure it out... 1299 01:07:42,722 --> 01:07:44,724 Oh, my God. 1300 01:07:44,726 --> 01:07:46,758 You gotta be kidding me. 1301 01:07:46,760 --> 01:07:48,195 You gotta be kidding me. 1302 01:07:49,530 --> 01:07:51,597 You gotta be kidding me! 1303 01:07:51,599 --> 01:07:53,932 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 1304 01:07:53,934 --> 01:07:55,534 Why the hell is she still alive? 1305 01:07:55,536 --> 01:07:59,237 Oh, my God, I literally missed you guys. Yay! 1306 01:07:59,239 --> 01:08:00,240 Oh, my God. 1307 01:08:01,942 --> 01:08:03,842 Whoa! 1308 01:08:03,844 --> 01:08:05,344 Just... No, just look ahead. 1309 01:08:05,346 --> 01:08:08,079 Hi, old guy! 1310 01:08:08,081 --> 01:08:09,514 Let's hang out. 1311 01:08:09,516 --> 01:08:11,284 - Ha-ha-ha! - It is so weird to see you. 1312 01:08:11,286 --> 01:08:13,418 The last time I saw you, you were like a... 1313 01:08:13,420 --> 01:08:14,887 - You were a zombie. - I wish. 1314 01:08:14,889 --> 01:08:16,921 Stupid nut allergy. 1315 01:08:16,923 --> 01:08:18,557 - Nut allergy? Oh. - Yeah. 1316 01:08:18,559 --> 01:08:21,160 Yeah, I think it was the trail mix Wichita gave me. 1317 01:08:21,162 --> 01:08:23,262 Who knew there were nuts in trail mix. 1318 01:08:23,264 --> 01:08:25,330 Not me. I thought it was vegan. 1319 01:08:25,332 --> 01:08:26,865 I kept trying to tell you 1320 01:08:26,867 --> 01:08:29,335 it was only an allergic reaction, but you thought 1321 01:08:29,337 --> 01:08:31,736 - I was trying to bite you. - Yeah, well... 1322 01:08:31,738 --> 01:08:35,440 - Not that you minded last time. - Mm. 1323 01:08:35,442 --> 01:08:37,343 Thank you for shooting over my head. 1324 01:08:37,345 --> 01:08:39,512 I was really just trying to scare you off. 1325 01:08:39,514 --> 01:08:41,513 You're not gonna get rid of me that easy. 1326 01:08:41,515 --> 01:08:43,115 - Oh, no! - Ha-ha-ha. 1327 01:08:43,117 --> 01:08:46,785 There I was, hiding in the woods, when I thought: 1328 01:08:46,787 --> 01:08:50,990 "I used to live in a freezer, so why not a freezer on wheels?" 1329 01:08:50,992 --> 01:08:53,092 Can't argue with that logic. 1330 01:08:53,094 --> 01:08:55,561 I really miss this. 1331 01:08:55,563 --> 01:08:57,595 Was that sarcasm? 1332 01:08:57,597 --> 01:08:59,232 Was it? 1333 01:08:59,234 --> 01:09:00,234 Mm-hm. 1334 01:09:05,006 --> 01:09:07,673 Why wouldn't we just move to an island? 1335 01:09:07,675 --> 01:09:09,273 That's a really good idea. 1336 01:09:09,275 --> 01:09:10,809 Then there wouldn't be zombies. 1337 01:09:10,811 --> 01:09:12,311 - Right. - Of course. 1338 01:09:12,313 --> 01:09:14,548 We should go to Temptation Island. 1339 01:09:16,449 --> 01:09:18,584 Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey. 1340 01:09:18,586 --> 01:09:20,085 - What? - Hey, hey. 1341 01:09:20,087 --> 01:09:22,219 - Hey, hey. Hey, hey. - Hey, hey. 1342 01:09:22,221 --> 01:09:24,055 Just... Just eyes on the road. 1343 01:09:24,057 --> 01:09:26,724 Do you want me to change the CD or anything? 1344 01:09:26,726 --> 01:09:28,393 Is this a CD playing? 1345 01:09:28,395 --> 01:09:29,928 - Yeah. It's Port... - What is this? 1346 01:09:29,930 --> 01:09:31,964 It's Portishead. 1347 01:09:31,966 --> 01:09:34,333 - This is Portishead? - Yeah. You know what's funny? 1348 01:09:34,335 --> 01:09:36,501 I used to think it was called "Portashed" 1349 01:09:36,503 --> 01:09:39,303 until I went to one of the concerts, and she explained. 1350 01:09:39,305 --> 01:09:40,973 Yeah, I would think "Portasheed." 1351 01:09:40,975 --> 01:09:43,976 - Right. Yeah, that's funny. - Yeah. 1352 01:09:43,978 --> 01:09:45,643 It was obvious to me 1353 01:09:45,645 --> 01:09:47,845 that Wichita and I were meant to be together, 1354 01:09:47,847 --> 01:09:49,313 which is why Madison's return 1355 01:09:49,315 --> 01:09:50,950 could not have been worse timing. 1356 01:09:50,952 --> 01:09:53,018 Of course, I was glad she wasn't a zombie. 1357 01:09:53,020 --> 01:09:55,857 But couldn't she have just gone back to her mall fridge? 1358 01:09:58,525 --> 01:10:00,994 Hey. Hey, look, look, look. Look. 1359 01:10:04,731 --> 01:10:05,830 Look. 1360 01:10:09,470 --> 01:10:12,137 We made it to Baby-lon. 1361 01:10:12,139 --> 01:10:15,708 If you hear more than the usual excitement in my voice, 1362 01:10:15,710 --> 01:10:17,476 it's for two reasons. 1363 01:10:17,478 --> 01:10:20,211 One, we may have caught up to Little Rock, 1364 01:10:20,213 --> 01:10:21,414 for real this time. 1365 01:10:21,416 --> 01:10:22,947 And two, we may have 1366 01:10:22,949 --> 01:10:25,183 finally found our forever home, 1367 01:10:25,185 --> 01:10:27,486 which is what I've been looking for all along. 1368 01:10:27,488 --> 01:10:30,990 - Whoa, Babylon. - I love that song. 1369 01:10:30,992 --> 01:10:33,791 - Hm? - This place is soy cute. 1370 01:10:38,966 --> 01:10:42,032 - Whoa, Jesus! - What the fuck? 1371 01:10:42,034 --> 01:10:45,236 - Enjoy the little things. - My bags were in there! 1372 01:10:45,238 --> 01:10:48,040 - No, they weren't. - No guns allowed! 1373 01:10:50,077 --> 01:10:52,677 I like this place already. You got a sense of humor. 1374 01:10:52,679 --> 01:10:54,412 No guns allowed. 1375 01:10:54,414 --> 01:10:59,018 I'm not giving up my guns under any circumstances, period-o. 1376 01:10:59,020 --> 01:11:01,920 Well, then, there's no way you're getting up to Babylon. 1377 01:11:01,922 --> 01:11:03,957 You know, you could always wait in the car. 1378 01:11:07,628 --> 01:11:09,463 Do you wanna see Little Rock or not? 1379 01:11:23,409 --> 01:11:25,210 There she is! 1380 01:11:25,212 --> 01:11:27,344 I'm on a 40-day bowel blast. 1381 01:11:27,346 --> 01:11:28,615 Little Rock. 1382 01:11:30,184 --> 01:11:33,018 - Hey. - Hi. 1383 01:11:33,020 --> 01:11:34,419 What are you guys doing here? 1384 01:11:34,421 --> 01:11:36,054 I am so glad you're safe. 1385 01:11:36,056 --> 01:11:37,723 - Wow, okay. - Oh, my God. 1386 01:11:37,725 --> 01:11:39,125 - Come here. - Hello. 1387 01:11:39,127 --> 01:11:40,960 Seriously, what are you doing here? 1388 01:11:40,962 --> 01:11:43,062 Hey, we don't leave each other. 1389 01:11:43,064 --> 01:11:44,696 I know, I know. I'm really sorry. 1390 01:11:44,698 --> 01:11:46,898 Make me a pact. No more notes. Ever. 1391 01:11:46,900 --> 01:11:48,767 - No more notes. Ever. - Ever. Great. 1392 01:11:48,769 --> 01:11:50,637 Just so you know, there's no group sex. 1393 01:11:51,972 --> 01:11:54,106 - Okay, fine, group sex. - Oh, whoa. 1394 01:11:54,108 --> 01:11:56,441 Hey, Wichita. That means you're Columbus, 1395 01:11:56,443 --> 01:11:58,611 and that makes you Tallahassee. 1396 01:11:58,613 --> 01:12:00,611 - Berkeley? - You're from Berkeley? 1397 01:12:00,613 --> 01:12:02,446 - You're Berkeley? - No, come on. 1398 01:12:02,448 --> 01:12:04,683 What are the chances we're both from Berkeley? 1399 01:12:04,685 --> 01:12:06,619 - Berkeley! - Calm down, calm down. Okay? 1400 01:12:06,621 --> 01:12:08,987 Thank you for coming to check up on me, I guess. 1401 01:12:08,989 --> 01:12:11,757 But you have to understand these people are peaceful, 1402 01:12:11,759 --> 01:12:13,491 and they're friendly and nice. 1403 01:12:13,493 --> 01:12:16,193 And honestly, I don't think you're gonna fit in here. 1404 01:12:16,195 --> 01:12:19,630 - They melted our fucking weapons! - This is exactly what I meant. 1405 01:12:19,632 --> 01:12:22,267 Guys, I think we should stay. 1406 01:12:22,269 --> 01:12:25,004 - You don't get a vote. - I do get a vote. 1407 01:12:25,006 --> 01:12:27,138 Haven't you ever heard of women suffering? 1408 01:12:27,140 --> 01:12:28,343 Women's suffrage? 1409 01:12:29,443 --> 01:12:31,343 - No, honey. - Oh, boy. 1410 01:12:31,345 --> 01:12:33,079 - Who the hell is this? - I'm Madison. 1411 01:12:33,081 --> 01:12:34,646 - Don't say it. - You'll love this. 1412 01:12:34,648 --> 01:12:37,348 - Don't say it. - That's Columbus' girlfriend. 1413 01:12:37,350 --> 01:12:38,683 It's official. 1414 01:12:38,685 --> 01:12:39,852 Wow, you just didn't 1415 01:12:39,854 --> 01:12:41,419 waste any time, did you? 1416 01:12:41,421 --> 01:12:44,121 - Well, thank you for your vote. - And you're welcome. 1417 01:12:44,123 --> 01:12:47,293 Okay. I'm late for my drum circle, so I gotta go. 1418 01:12:47,295 --> 01:12:48,526 Hey, Little Rock! 1419 01:12:48,528 --> 01:12:50,329 Sorry about that. 1420 01:13:00,341 --> 01:13:02,040 Seeing Little Rock safe 1421 01:13:02,042 --> 01:13:04,041 and surrounded by friends her own age, 1422 01:13:04,043 --> 01:13:07,312 Tallahassee realized his nest was now empty. 1423 01:13:07,314 --> 01:13:09,647 And he began to hear the call of the buffalo. 1424 01:13:16,390 --> 01:13:18,589 All right, I'm ready! 1425 01:13:18,591 --> 01:13:21,026 Come on, don't be so Gloria Glum. 1426 01:13:21,028 --> 01:13:22,660 I told you guys I was leaving. 1427 01:13:22,662 --> 01:13:24,564 So, what, you're just gonna split? 1428 01:13:27,067 --> 01:13:30,902 It's time. Gotta set out on my own adventures. 1429 01:13:30,904 --> 01:13:32,836 Little Rock's safe, 1430 01:13:32,838 --> 01:13:35,777 and, uh, a lone wolf's gotta hunt. 1431 01:13:37,077 --> 01:13:38,544 So where are you gonna go? 1432 01:13:38,546 --> 01:13:41,416 The direction's the destination. West. 1433 01:13:43,717 --> 01:13:46,050 West is that way. 1434 01:13:46,052 --> 01:13:50,589 Yeah. Anyway, like the title of a great Phil Collins song: 1435 01:13:50,591 --> 01:13:54,226 "If You Love Somebody, Set Them Free." 1436 01:13:54,228 --> 01:13:56,661 - Pretty sure that wasn't him. - Pretty sure it was. 1437 01:13:56,663 --> 01:13:58,965 - No, it was someone else. - Pretty sure it was him. 1438 01:14:00,935 --> 01:14:02,701 Yeah. Peace. 1439 01:14:02,703 --> 01:14:07,304 Uh, I'm not much for goodbyes, so... 1440 01:14:07,306 --> 01:14:08,973 Just don't say the pig thing. 1441 01:14:08,975 --> 01:14:11,076 Keep your tits dry. 1442 01:14:11,078 --> 01:14:13,478 - Oh, okay. - Didn't see that coming, right? 1443 01:14:13,480 --> 01:14:15,412 I would've rather the pig thing. 1444 01:14:20,154 --> 01:14:21,155 Hey. 1445 01:14:22,588 --> 01:14:25,025 Hey, don't do nothing I wouldn't not do. 1446 01:14:26,627 --> 01:14:28,826 - You get what I'm saying. - Not really, no. 1447 01:14:28,828 --> 01:14:30,428 No? Okay. 1448 01:14:31,564 --> 01:14:34,434 Anyway, gonna miss you guys. 1449 01:14:42,810 --> 01:14:44,942 I will never forget you, what's-his-name. 1450 01:14:44,944 --> 01:14:47,144 - See you, pals. - It's Tallahassee. I told you. 1451 01:14:47,146 --> 01:14:48,914 Sally Tally! 1452 01:14:58,926 --> 01:15:02,861 ♪ Give me a home Where the buffalo roam ♪ 1453 01:15:02,863 --> 01:15:07,465 ♪ And the deer And the antelope play ♪ 1454 01:15:07,467 --> 01:15:11,936 ♪ Where seldom is heard A discouraging word ♪ 1455 01:15:11,938 --> 01:15:13,604 ♪ And the skies are not... ♪ 1456 01:15:20,514 --> 01:15:22,315 T-800s. 1457 01:15:25,217 --> 01:15:26,319 That decides it. 1458 01:15:40,966 --> 01:15:42,235 ♪ Kumbaya ♪ 1459 01:15:43,671 --> 01:15:45,637 ♪ Kumbaya, Buddha ♪ 1460 01:15:45,639 --> 01:15:48,509 Everybody. ♪ Kumbaya ♪ 1461 01:15:50,444 --> 01:15:52,843 Coming to you. Oh! 1462 01:15:52,845 --> 01:15:54,946 There it is. Let's start again. 1463 01:15:54,948 --> 01:15:56,815 Oh, it's all right. I got it. 1464 01:15:56,817 --> 01:15:59,018 Excuse me. Yes. I got it. 1465 01:15:59,020 --> 01:16:01,186 - You're supposed to kick it back. - Really? 1466 01:16:01,188 --> 01:16:04,158 - You never seen hacky sack? - I thought it's like hopscotch. 1467 01:16:05,826 --> 01:16:08,492 - Salty Taffy's back! - Holy shit! 1468 01:16:08,494 --> 01:16:11,995 Hey, T-800s, a whole swarm of them, heading right this way. 1469 01:16:11,997 --> 01:16:16,267 Those goddamn fireworks might as well be a dinner bell! 1470 01:16:16,269 --> 01:16:18,870 Stop the fireworks! Stop the music! 1471 01:16:18,872 --> 01:16:20,839 Everybody shut the fuck up! 1472 01:16:20,841 --> 01:16:21,940 Shut up. 1473 01:16:21,942 --> 01:16:23,607 Question: 1474 01:16:23,609 --> 01:16:26,244 Did you melt all the weapons? 1475 01:16:26,246 --> 01:16:28,713 Yeah, that's how we made these peace thingies. 1476 01:16:28,715 --> 01:16:30,648 - Oh, Jesus. - My guns! 1477 01:16:30,650 --> 01:16:32,750 Hey. Hello. I got something going. 1478 01:16:32,752 --> 01:16:34,585 I think I might have a plan. 1479 01:16:34,587 --> 01:16:36,754 - Oh. - What? 1480 01:16:36,756 --> 01:16:39,691 Heh, I got nothing. I'm just a songwriter. 1481 01:16:39,693 --> 01:16:41,559 No. No, you're a song transcriber. 1482 01:16:41,561 --> 01:16:43,394 - Listen, Berkeley? - Yeah? 1483 01:16:43,396 --> 01:16:45,229 I don't think this is gonna work out. 1484 01:16:45,231 --> 01:16:46,731 Even 12-year-olds know 1485 01:16:46,733 --> 01:16:49,067 who Bob Dylan is, you fucking poser. 1486 01:16:49,069 --> 01:16:52,204 Oh, my God. I'm not gonna lie, I have truly enjoyed 1487 01:16:52,206 --> 01:16:54,873 this moment, but there are zombies approaching. 1488 01:16:54,875 --> 01:16:59,009 Okay. Uh, Civil War general, you must know how to fight? 1489 01:16:59,011 --> 01:17:00,277 Sure. 1490 01:17:00,279 --> 01:17:03,882 Poverty, sexism, social injustice. 1491 01:17:03,884 --> 01:17:06,351 - We could try running. - I'm done running. 1492 01:17:06,353 --> 01:17:09,487 I mean, what good is a home if you can't stay in it? 1493 01:17:09,489 --> 01:17:12,055 - Columbus. - Yes, Thor? 1494 01:17:12,057 --> 01:17:13,791 You're gonna make me cry right now. 1495 01:17:13,793 --> 01:17:15,293 - No, please don't. - Oh, my God. 1496 01:17:15,295 --> 01:17:17,161 Okay. I moved through it. 1497 01:17:17,163 --> 01:17:19,798 From where I stand, there's only one thing we can do. 1498 01:17:19,800 --> 01:17:21,502 Group sex. Right? 1499 01:17:22,935 --> 01:17:24,704 No. Um... 1500 01:17:26,006 --> 01:17:28,171 We'll fight them. 1501 01:17:28,173 --> 01:17:31,476 You'll be the first to die, but I like your enthusiasm. 1502 01:17:31,478 --> 01:17:34,047 - You might die. - Thank you for your sacrifice. 1503 01:17:37,417 --> 01:17:39,651 All right, everybody, listen up. 1504 01:17:39,653 --> 01:17:43,588 They outnumber us 100 times, but they ain't got what we do. 1505 01:17:43,590 --> 01:17:45,290 - Guns? - We don't have guns. 1506 01:17:45,292 --> 01:17:46,857 - What? - What we do have 1507 01:17:46,859 --> 01:17:50,294 is heart, brains and biodiesel. 1508 01:17:50,296 --> 01:17:52,030 We're gonna light these zombies up 1509 01:17:52,032 --> 01:17:54,098 like it's the Fourth of July. 1510 01:17:54,100 --> 01:17:55,866 Then we hit the stragglers. 1511 01:17:55,868 --> 01:17:58,336 What we do is we form a gauntlet. 1512 01:17:59,838 --> 01:18:02,139 One, two, three, yah! 1513 01:18:02,141 --> 01:18:04,643 - Then we mop them up. - Sick. 1514 01:18:04,645 --> 01:18:07,544 - This is gonna work, right? - It has to. 1515 01:18:17,757 --> 01:18:18,992 - Rolling. Whoa! - Whoa, whoa! 1516 01:18:25,298 --> 01:18:26,664 - Keep screwing. - Yeah, I am. 1517 01:18:26,666 --> 01:18:28,302 - Keep screwing. - I am. 1518 01:18:42,983 --> 01:18:44,348 No turning back now. 1519 01:18:44,350 --> 01:18:47,119 Okay, there we go. 1520 01:18:47,121 --> 01:18:48,221 Nice. 1521 01:18:51,358 --> 01:18:53,458 Yeah. Oh, that's gonna work. 1522 01:18:55,828 --> 01:18:57,161 - Oh! - Oh, that's pretty. 1523 01:18:57,163 --> 01:18:58,830 That means the zombies are coming! 1524 01:18:58,832 --> 01:19:00,531 The zombies are coming! 1525 01:19:00,533 --> 01:19:03,404 - Time to nut up or shut up. - You need a new line. 1526 01:19:04,970 --> 01:19:06,737 Let's kick some dicks. 1527 01:19:06,739 --> 01:19:09,674 Just because it rhymes doesn't make it a great catchphrase. 1528 01:19:09,676 --> 01:19:11,308 - What's her problem? - I don't know. 1529 01:19:11,310 --> 01:19:13,113 I like it when it rhymes. 1530 01:19:14,581 --> 01:19:16,880 - Here we go. - Okay. 1531 01:19:33,632 --> 01:19:35,400 - Zombies, they're coming! - Oh, dear. 1532 01:19:35,402 --> 01:19:37,802 Look out, guys! Here they come. They're coming! 1533 01:19:37,804 --> 01:19:38,972 Battle stations! 1534 01:19:42,609 --> 01:19:43,609 Light them up! 1535 01:20:00,060 --> 01:20:02,596 Let's go, let's go! Get up to safety. 1536 01:20:17,877 --> 01:20:19,313 Here we go. 1537 01:20:31,591 --> 01:20:33,959 Okay now, blow! 1538 01:20:33,961 --> 01:20:38,228 Come on. Now would be an ideal time to blow. 1539 01:20:38,230 --> 01:20:40,667 - It's not working. - Damn! 1540 01:20:46,573 --> 01:20:47,604 God! 1541 01:20:47,606 --> 01:20:49,139 Holy shit. It worked. 1542 01:20:49,141 --> 01:20:51,476 - Oh, my God. - Okay. 1543 01:20:51,478 --> 01:20:53,745 Okay. Here, now we mop up the stragglers. 1544 01:20:53,747 --> 01:20:55,347 Okay. Yeah. 1545 01:20:58,752 --> 01:21:00,084 Oh, shit. 1546 01:21:00,086 --> 01:21:01,986 Would those be considered stragglers? 1547 01:21:01,988 --> 01:21:03,823 Oh, boy. Here they come. 1548 01:21:05,158 --> 01:21:06,727 Get ready! 1549 01:21:16,737 --> 01:21:19,804 Kill those motherfuckers! 1550 01:21:34,054 --> 01:21:37,487 Well, guys, I hate to say this. 1551 01:21:37,489 --> 01:21:39,859 I think this might be the end of the road. 1552 01:21:42,694 --> 01:21:44,227 - Come here. - I love you guys. 1553 01:21:44,229 --> 01:21:46,199 - I love you more. - We had a hell of a run. 1554 01:21:49,002 --> 01:21:50,471 Oh, my God. They're gonna die. 1555 01:22:02,282 --> 01:22:03,417 Oh! 1556 01:22:06,720 --> 01:22:07,788 Hey! 1557 01:22:14,728 --> 01:22:17,227 Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! 1558 01:22:17,229 --> 01:22:19,132 Thank God for rednecks! 1559 01:22:27,707 --> 01:22:29,374 - Need a ride? - Oh, yeah. 1560 01:22:29,376 --> 01:22:30,811 - Get in. - Let's go! 1561 01:22:34,913 --> 01:22:38,282 - Are y'all strapped in yet? - Yep. Strapping in now. 1562 01:22:38,284 --> 01:22:40,218 - Rule four. Got it. - You too. 1563 01:22:40,220 --> 01:22:42,923 I'm not a pussy like Columbus. Nothing personal. 1564 01:22:44,356 --> 01:22:45,757 - Oh, God! - Shit! 1565 01:22:45,759 --> 01:22:47,261 - Seatbelts are for a reason. - Yep. 1566 01:22:51,396 --> 01:22:53,196 I'm feeling a little nauseous. 1567 01:22:53,198 --> 01:22:55,767 - Can somebody crack a window? - Oh, no, you don't. 1568 01:22:55,769 --> 01:22:57,468 Whoa! 1569 01:22:57,470 --> 01:22:59,137 - Roll down the window. - That won't... 1570 01:22:59,139 --> 01:23:01,141 If you get sick, we all get sick. 1571 01:23:02,943 --> 01:23:04,808 Woo-hoo! 1572 01:23:04,810 --> 01:23:06,644 Okay, okay. Oh, God. 1573 01:23:06,646 --> 01:23:08,780 Could you pull over so I can get eaten? 1574 01:23:08,782 --> 01:23:10,016 It'll be more comfortable. 1575 01:23:13,453 --> 01:23:15,821 Whoo! 1576 01:23:15,823 --> 01:23:17,191 - Oh, shit. Watch out! - Do it! 1577 01:23:22,595 --> 01:23:23,696 Woo-hoo! 1578 01:23:25,832 --> 01:23:28,532 Oh, my God, you are sexy. 1579 01:23:28,534 --> 01:23:31,171 Can you not say "sexy"? I'm already nauseous. 1580 01:23:36,510 --> 01:23:39,413 Shit, Shit, shit! Oh, shit. 1581 01:23:40,646 --> 01:23:41,778 Shit. 1582 01:23:41,780 --> 01:23:43,214 - Shit! - You guys okay? 1583 01:23:43,216 --> 01:23:44,982 Thank you for flying Big Fat Death. 1584 01:23:44,984 --> 01:23:46,450 Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! 1585 01:23:46,452 --> 01:23:48,652 I told you these things were a rollover risk! 1586 01:23:48,654 --> 01:23:50,321 - We gotta move! - Come on! 1587 01:23:50,323 --> 01:23:53,191 Hurry! Hurry! They're coming! 1588 01:23:53,193 --> 01:23:55,160 - Oh, no! - Come on! Here they come! 1589 01:23:55,162 --> 01:23:56,697 - Go, go, go! - Shit. 1590 01:23:57,831 --> 01:23:59,196 - Come on! - Oh, shit! 1591 01:23:59,198 --> 01:24:01,633 Come on! 1592 01:24:01,635 --> 01:24:03,003 - Oh, shit! - Shit! 1593 01:24:05,305 --> 01:24:06,305 Whoa! 1594 01:24:11,478 --> 01:24:12,510 - Thank you. - Thank you! 1595 01:24:12,512 --> 01:24:14,245 - Oh, my God! - Yes! 1596 01:24:14,247 --> 01:24:15,847 Here they come! 1597 01:24:20,654 --> 01:24:22,456 - Go, get in. Go, go, go! - Go, go, go! 1598 01:24:26,292 --> 01:24:27,292 Run! 1599 01:24:30,329 --> 01:24:33,399 - I'm out of bullets! - Guys, go! I'm right behind you! 1600 01:24:36,502 --> 01:24:39,572 Get in position! Form the gauntlet! I'll hold them off! 1601 01:24:42,876 --> 01:24:45,212 Donkey Kong, motherfuckers! 1602 01:25:10,569 --> 01:25:13,071 You can't write the history of Zombieland 1603 01:25:13,073 --> 01:25:16,907 without telling the story of one momentous day. 1604 01:25:16,909 --> 01:25:19,910 The day one free man made the ultimate sacrifice 1605 01:25:19,912 --> 01:25:23,046 and paid respect to the Blackfoot ancestors 1606 01:25:23,048 --> 01:25:24,917 he may or may not have had. 1607 01:25:26,985 --> 01:25:30,554 The day he led the first, the last, the only 1608 01:25:30,556 --> 01:25:31,925 great American zombie jump. 1609 01:26:00,587 --> 01:26:02,320 Zombie Kill of the Year? 1610 01:26:02,322 --> 01:26:03,988 Century. 1611 01:26:03,990 --> 01:26:06,624 Only one problem. Well, okay, two. 1612 01:26:09,328 --> 01:26:10,328 Oh! 1613 01:26:15,167 --> 01:26:17,000 - Hey! - Tallahassee! 1614 01:26:17,002 --> 01:26:19,836 - Hang on, we're coming. - Hold on. 1615 01:26:19,838 --> 01:26:21,171 - Help! I'm falling! - Shit! 1616 01:26:21,173 --> 01:26:23,040 We can't help you. 1617 01:26:23,042 --> 01:26:24,541 Guys! Help me! 1618 01:26:24,543 --> 01:26:27,044 - Shit. What should we do? - Throw something at them. 1619 01:26:27,046 --> 01:26:29,813 Oh, shit. Okay. Shit. Sorry. 1620 01:26:29,815 --> 01:26:32,784 Wha... You hit me in the nuts with a hacky sack! 1621 01:26:32,786 --> 01:26:34,018 - Sorry. - What? 1622 01:26:34,020 --> 01:26:36,456 I'm losing my grip. I'm gonna fall. 1623 01:26:37,823 --> 01:26:40,157 No! Oh, no! 1624 01:26:53,939 --> 01:26:55,576 Long live the King. 1625 01:26:56,976 --> 01:26:59,210 - Oh. - Ew. 1626 01:26:59,212 --> 01:27:01,144 Guys! I'm still here! 1627 01:27:01,146 --> 01:27:03,113 - Give me your hand! - Hold my arm. 1628 01:27:03,115 --> 01:27:05,782 - Kick your foot out. - Goddamn it, Columbus! 1629 01:27:05,784 --> 01:27:07,218 Point your toe! 1630 01:27:07,220 --> 01:27:09,019 This human chain thing is a terrible idea! 1631 01:27:09,021 --> 01:27:10,388 - Guh! - I can't reach. 1632 01:27:10,390 --> 01:27:12,223 Kick it, kick it. I got it. 1633 01:27:12,225 --> 01:27:13,857 Pull, pull. 1634 01:27:13,859 --> 01:27:15,826 Okay. I got you. 1635 01:27:15,828 --> 01:27:17,160 Okay. 1636 01:27:17,162 --> 01:27:19,362 Oh, man. Are you okay? 1637 01:27:19,364 --> 01:27:21,232 - Yeah. - That was amazing. 1638 01:27:21,234 --> 01:27:23,203 Oh... Thank you. 1639 01:27:24,503 --> 01:27:25,505 Hey. 1640 01:27:28,407 --> 01:27:29,874 You kept the gun? 1641 01:27:29,876 --> 01:27:32,343 How could I give up my favorite Christmas present? 1642 01:27:32,345 --> 01:27:34,044 Why didn't you pull it out sooner? 1643 01:27:34,046 --> 01:27:36,613 I forget about it but... I smoked a lot of weed. 1644 01:27:38,685 --> 01:27:40,120 Chip off the old block. 1645 01:27:43,422 --> 01:27:45,255 Yes. 1646 01:27:45,257 --> 01:27:47,627 Yes? Oh, yes, yes? 1647 01:27:48,761 --> 01:27:49,761 Yes, yes. 1648 01:27:51,297 --> 01:27:52,463 Yes, yes, yes? 1649 01:27:52,465 --> 01:27:54,365 - Yes. Yes. - Yes? 1650 01:27:54,367 --> 01:27:55,435 - Really? - Mm-hm. 1651 01:27:57,871 --> 01:27:59,637 What changed your mind? 1652 01:27:59,639 --> 01:28:02,342 Because Zombieland or not, we're meant to be together. 1653 01:28:05,779 --> 01:28:10,581 So basically, that means this belongs to her. 1654 01:28:10,583 --> 01:28:13,651 Oh, hm. Cool. 1655 01:28:13,653 --> 01:28:15,318 Thank you. 1656 01:28:15,320 --> 01:28:16,786 Okay. 1657 01:28:19,158 --> 01:28:21,125 - Okay. Are you ready? - Yeah. 1658 01:28:21,127 --> 01:28:22,460 - Okay. I'm good. - Okay. 1659 01:28:22,462 --> 01:28:24,963 - Yeah, do the damn thing. Yeah. - Okay. 1660 01:28:24,965 --> 01:28:28,132 - Great. Which hand do I...? - This one. 1661 01:28:28,134 --> 01:28:29,502 - Okay. - Okay, yes. Here we go. 1662 01:28:34,039 --> 01:28:35,442 Wow. 1663 01:28:36,643 --> 01:28:37,911 Come here. 1664 01:28:42,414 --> 01:28:44,616 Nicely done. 1665 01:28:44,618 --> 01:28:48,585 I'm gonna walk that little spitfuck down the aisle. 1666 01:28:48,587 --> 01:28:51,255 It's a good thing you didn't die, then. 1667 01:28:51,257 --> 01:28:52,525 Washoe County. 1668 01:28:55,094 --> 01:28:57,928 - What? - Washoe County, Nevada. 1669 01:28:57,930 --> 01:28:59,796 Ah, Reno. 1670 01:28:59,798 --> 01:29:01,702 Biggest little city in the world. 1671 01:29:09,242 --> 01:29:10,508 - Just go for it. - Thank you. 1672 01:29:10,510 --> 01:29:12,242 - Sweet. - Oh, my God. 1673 01:29:13,578 --> 01:29:14,678 What? What? 1674 01:29:14,680 --> 01:29:16,216 - Oh, my gosh! - Shit! 1675 01:29:21,253 --> 01:29:24,955 - Homer. It's a long way down. - Our work here is done. 1676 01:29:24,957 --> 01:29:26,522 Let's party! 1677 01:29:26,524 --> 01:29:27,993 - Come on! - Yeah! 1678 01:29:29,162 --> 01:29:30,361 Wait for me. 1679 01:29:53,219 --> 01:29:58,321 Hell, this is a 1955 Fleetwood Series 60. Hoo! 1680 01:29:58,323 --> 01:30:02,527 Every hair on my body feels like a little wang. 1681 01:30:02,529 --> 01:30:04,896 - Yikes. - Where to? 1682 01:30:04,898 --> 01:30:07,330 Mm, how about home? 1683 01:30:07,332 --> 01:30:08,432 Home? 1684 01:30:08,434 --> 01:30:09,569 - Yeah. - Yes, good idea. 1685 01:30:11,570 --> 01:30:12,605 Where's home? 1686 01:30:14,239 --> 01:30:17,008 I think we're already there. 1687 01:30:17,010 --> 01:30:18,710 Because if our adventures 1688 01:30:18,712 --> 01:30:21,378 had taught us about anything, it was home. 1689 01:30:21,380 --> 01:30:23,546 Wichita didn't need to be afraid of it. 1690 01:30:23,548 --> 01:30:25,581 I didn't need to keep looking for it. 1691 01:30:25,583 --> 01:30:29,387 Because home isn't a place, it's the people you're with. 1692 01:30:29,389 --> 01:30:31,688 I guess that's why they're called your homies. 1693 01:30:31,690 --> 01:30:33,924 And my homies are pretty fucking awesome. 1694 01:30:33,926 --> 01:30:36,527 So till next time, this is Columbus, Ohio, 1695 01:30:36,529 --> 01:30:38,728 on behalf of Wichita, Little Rock, 1696 01:30:38,730 --> 01:30:40,031 Reno and Tallahassee, 1697 01:30:40,033 --> 01:30:43,866 saying hasta la vista, baby. 1698 01:30:43,868 --> 01:30:45,402 That one's for you, Flagstaff. 1699 01:30:51,944 --> 01:30:56,415 ♪ Lord Almighty I feel my temperature rising ♪ 1700 01:30:58,551 --> 01:31:00,284 ♪ Higher, higher ♪ 1701 01:31:00,286 --> 01:31:02,721 ♪ It's burning through To my soul... ♪ 1702 01:31:05,591 --> 01:31:07,924 Oh, hey. Yeah, sorry. One more thing. 1703 01:31:07,926 --> 01:31:10,527 I'm feeling a little guilty about what Nevada said. 1704 01:31:10,529 --> 01:31:13,196 You know, about Murraying a certain you-know-who? 1705 01:31:13,198 --> 01:31:14,932 Yeah, my bad. I blew a hole 1706 01:31:14,934 --> 01:31:17,367 through the finest comic actor of our generation. 1707 01:31:17,369 --> 01:31:19,969 But I would love to make it up to you, to all of you. 1708 01:31:19,971 --> 01:31:22,705 And for that, we gotta go back to 2009. 1709 01:31:26,112 --> 01:31:27,477 Welcome, everyone, 1710 01:31:27,479 --> 01:31:29,613 to the Garfield 3: Flabby Tabby junket. 1711 01:31:29,615 --> 01:31:31,148 You'll each have five minutes. 1712 01:31:31,150 --> 01:31:33,451 Please keep your questions focused on the film 1713 01:31:33,453 --> 01:31:35,152 and don't go off-topic. 1714 01:31:35,154 --> 01:31:37,321 The idea of a trilogy was something... 1715 01:31:37,323 --> 01:31:40,790 As an artist, you think the great ones: 1716 01:31:40,792 --> 01:31:42,759 Godfather and... 1717 01:31:42,761 --> 01:31:44,861 uh, Lethal Weapon. 1718 01:31:44,863 --> 01:31:48,699 But the question is, why in the world Garfield 3? 1719 01:31:48,701 --> 01:31:51,000 - Can this be just between us? - Yes. 1720 01:31:51,002 --> 01:31:53,036 Drugs cost money. 1721 01:31:53,038 --> 01:31:54,772 And I have to say, as an actor, 1722 01:31:54,774 --> 01:31:57,473 how many of your nine lives do you think you have left? 1723 01:31:57,475 --> 01:32:01,012 Well, I've done three of these. Three Garfields. 1724 01:32:01,014 --> 01:32:02,312 So that's six. 1725 01:32:02,314 --> 01:32:04,281 The essence of Garfield, I think... 1726 01:32:04,283 --> 01:32:05,348 Right. 1727 01:32:05,350 --> 01:32:07,550 ...is the hairball. 1728 01:32:07,552 --> 01:32:10,019 Didn't I say? I had a feeling this would come up. 1729 01:32:10,021 --> 01:32:11,992 Can you give me a hairball? 1730 01:32:14,527 --> 01:32:16,727 You don't wanna do the hairball really quick? 1731 01:32:16,729 --> 01:32:18,495 - No. - Can you try now? 1732 01:32:18,497 --> 01:32:21,065 - Give me a little hairball now? - Come on. 1733 01:32:23,868 --> 01:32:24,938 Come on. 1734 01:32:30,877 --> 01:32:33,009 You know, how about if I did it with you? 1735 01:32:33,011 --> 01:32:35,012 - Okay. Come on. Come on. - That was close. 1736 01:32:35,014 --> 01:32:36,580 We'll do a selfie together. 1737 01:32:38,484 --> 01:32:39,916 Great. Great. 1738 01:32:42,954 --> 01:32:44,722 You all right, man? 1739 01:32:45,791 --> 01:32:47,023 All over the mike. 1740 01:32:47,025 --> 01:32:48,625 Can we get a baby wipe for Al? 1741 01:32:48,627 --> 01:32:50,393 Maybe move him back to his room? 1742 01:32:57,136 --> 01:32:58,905 Huge fan, Mr. Roker. 1743 01:33:01,239 --> 01:33:03,374 All right, Tim, let's get out of here. 1744 01:33:03,376 --> 01:33:05,375 Somebody get my car. I'm ready to go. 1745 01:33:05,377 --> 01:33:07,376 I've never seen Roker behave that way. 1746 01:33:07,378 --> 01:33:08,745 That was crazy. 1747 01:33:08,747 --> 01:33:10,815 Sometimes it feels like you against the world. 1748 01:33:10,817 --> 01:33:12,249 - Oh, my God. - I think it is. 1749 01:33:18,423 --> 01:33:19,555 Oh, dear. 1750 01:33:19,557 --> 01:33:21,157 ♪ Don't nobody worry 'bout me ♪ 1751 01:33:22,828 --> 01:33:23,964 Excuse me? 1752 01:33:27,833 --> 01:33:30,433 ♪ Do what you like ♪ 1753 01:33:30,435 --> 01:33:32,236 ♪ Doing it naturally ♪ 1754 01:33:32,238 --> 01:33:33,937 Nice! 1755 01:33:33,939 --> 01:33:36,507 ♪ But if it's too easy ♪ 1756 01:33:36,509 --> 01:33:37,840 ♪ They're gonna disagree ♪ 1757 01:33:37,842 --> 01:33:39,209 Help me! 1758 01:33:39,211 --> 01:33:42,412 ♪ It's your life ♪ 1759 01:33:42,414 --> 01:33:44,984 Bill Murray! I love some of your films. Help me! 1760 01:33:48,287 --> 01:33:49,823 I ain't afraid of no ghost. 1761 01:33:54,394 --> 01:33:56,363 Buenas tardes, señorita. 1762 01:34:00,666 --> 01:34:02,665 I hate Mondays. 1763 01:34:02,667 --> 01:34:07,840 ♪ Lord Almighty I feel my temperature rising ♪ 1764 01:34:10,141 --> 01:34:11,909 ♪ Higher, higher ♪ 1765 01:34:11,911 --> 01:34:14,547 ♪ It's burning through To my soul ♪ 1766 01:34:16,783 --> 01:34:18,482 ♪ Girl, girl, girl ♪ 1767 01:34:18,484 --> 01:34:21,488 ♪ You gonna set me on fire ♪ 1768 01:34:23,422 --> 01:34:25,155 ♪ My brain is flaming ♪ 1769 01:34:25,157 --> 01:34:27,627 ♪ I don't know Which way to go ♪ 1770 01:34:29,863 --> 01:34:33,263 ♪ And your kisses Lift me higher ♪ 1771 01:34:33,265 --> 01:34:36,634 ♪ Like the sweet song Of a choir ♪ 1772 01:34:36,636 --> 01:34:39,135 ♪ And you light My morning sky ♪ 1773 01:34:39,137 --> 01:34:41,640 ♪ With your burning love ♪ 1774 01:34:43,641 --> 01:34:45,275 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1775 01:34:45,277 --> 01:34:50,180 ♪ I feel My temperature rising, yeah ♪ 1776 01:34:50,182 --> 01:34:51,915 ♪ Well, help me, I'm flaming ♪ 1777 01:34:51,917 --> 01:34:56,853 ♪ I must be A hundred and nine, wow ♪ 1778 01:34:56,855 --> 01:34:58,688 ♪ Burning, burning ♪ 1779 01:34:58,690 --> 01:35:03,027 ♪ Burning And nothing can cool me, oh ♪ 1780 01:35:03,029 --> 01:35:05,929 ♪ I just might turn Into smoke ♪ 1781 01:35:05,931 --> 01:35:08,068 ♪ But I feel fine ♪ 1782 01:35:09,801 --> 01:35:13,003 ♪ Because your kisses Lift me higher ♪ 1783 01:35:13,005 --> 01:35:16,540 ♪ Like the sweet song Of a choir ♪ 1784 01:35:16,542 --> 01:35:19,142 ♪ And you light My morning sky ♪ 1785 01:35:19,144 --> 01:35:23,813 ♪ With your burning love Yeah ♪ 1786 01:35:23,815 --> 01:35:26,817 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 1787 01:35:26,819 --> 01:35:30,153 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 1788 01:35:30,155 --> 01:35:34,394 ♪ Ah, ah, ah Burning love ♪ 1789 01:35:36,694 --> 01:35:38,495 ♪ It's coming closer ♪ 1790 01:35:38,497 --> 01:35:43,634 ♪ The flames are now Reachin' my body, oh ♪ 1791 01:35:43,636 --> 01:35:45,302 ♪ Please, won't you help me ♪ 1792 01:35:45,304 --> 01:35:50,240 ♪ I feel like I'm slippin' away, oh ♪ 1793 01:35:50,242 --> 01:35:51,942 ♪ It's hard to breathe ♪ 1794 01:35:51,944 --> 01:35:54,581 ♪ Oh, and my chest Is a-heaving ♪ 1795 01:35:56,748 --> 01:35:58,616 ♪ Oh, Lord have mercy ♪ 1796 01:35:58,618 --> 01:36:01,421 ♪ I'm burning a hole where I lay ♪ 1797 01:36:03,255 --> 01:36:06,455 ♪ 'Cause your kisses Lift me higher ♪ 1798 01:36:06,457 --> 01:36:10,059 ♪ Like the sweet song Of a choir ♪ 1799 01:36:10,061 --> 01:36:12,530 ♪ And you light My morning sky ♪ 1800 01:36:12,532 --> 01:36:14,964 ♪ With your burning love ♪ 1801 01:36:14,966 --> 01:36:18,436 ♪ Yeah, your burning love ♪ 1802 01:36:18,438 --> 01:36:21,604 ♪ Ah, your burning love ♪ 1803 01:36:21,606 --> 01:36:23,374 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1804 01:36:23,376 --> 01:36:26,477 ♪ I'm just a hunk A hunk of burning love ♪ 1805 01:36:26,479 --> 01:36:30,080 ♪ I'm just a hunk A hunk of burning love ♪ 1806 01:36:30,082 --> 01:36:33,116 ♪ I'm just a hunk A hunk of burning love ♪ 1807 01:36:33,118 --> 01:36:36,452 ♪ I'm just a hunk A hunk of burning love ♪ 1808 01:36:36,454 --> 01:36:39,723 ♪ I'm just a hunk A hunk of burning love ♪ 1809 01:36:39,725 --> 01:36:43,059 ♪ I'm just a hunk A hunk of burning love ♪ 1810 01:36:43,061 --> 01:36:46,129 ♪ Burning love, yeah ♪ 1811 01:36:46,131 --> 01:36:51,603 ♪ Burning love, nah ♪ 1812 01:38:40,378 --> 01:38:43,013 Oh, pardon. En español, it's like: 1813 01:38:50,389 --> 01:38:52,492 P... P... Pardon my accent. 1814 01:38:53,420 --> 01:38:58,420 Subtitles by explosiveskull Sync by GoldenBeard 135414

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