All language subtitles for Christmas.in.July.1940.720p.BluRay.x264-SiNNERS.eng

...into a big,
airy bedroom,

and then
the sideboard turns around
and turns into the bathroom.

So you can eat
while you bathe?
Of course not, silly.

Then what's it doing
in the bathroom?
It isn't doing anything
in the bathroom.

I said it turns
into a bathroom.

Then another time
it turns into a kitchenette,
another time into a fireplace.

I don't think
you can light it,
but it looks awfully cute.

What turns into a fireplace?
This gag in the corner.

It turns around
and makes one room
into four rooms.

So that young people
who haven't much money

can have a lovely,
four-room apartment

for the price
of a one-room apartment.

Well, if it's one room
it isn't an apartment.

Well, that's what
they call it. It's exactly
the same as four rooms.

Yeah, but suppose I...
You just turn this thing
in the corner...

Suppose I wanted to go
to the fireplace while you
were in the kitchenette?

You're just trying
to make things difficult.

Nothing's good enough for you
except a palace
on Fifth Avenue.

I give you coffee,
ladies and gentlemen.

The end
of the perfect dinner...
Knock wood for me.

...the beginning
of the perfect day.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the moment we have all
been waiting for.

We are about to give you
the result of the $50,000

Maxford House
New Slogan Contest

with a first prize of $25,000,

a second prize of $5,000,

a third prize of $2,500,

a fourth prize of $1,500,

a fifth prize of $1,000,

and 95 other prizes
totaling $15,000.

Are some folks
going to be delirious
in a few minutes.

As you may well imagine,
ladies and gentlemen,

all that sugar
draws a lot of flies.

And the jury here
has been struggling for a week

to try to pick the winners
from a little snowdrift

of 2,947,582 answers.

And that,
ladies and gentlemen,

is a lot of answers
in any language,

including the Scandinavian.

Dr. Maxford,
our founder and president,
is at my side.

And I know that
it will only be a matter
of a few moments

until the jury ceases
wrestling with itself,
hands Dr. Maxford the verdict,

and he will himself,
in that well-known voice
of his,

read you the names
of the winners.

We seem to have run into
a little contretemps,

faux pas or what have you,
ladies and gentlemen.

But I assure you it will
only be a matter of...

What's the matter?
The jury is deadlocked.

Deadlocked?
Eleven to one.

Eleven to one?

As I say it will only be
a matter of a few moments

before the jury
untangles itself,

and we will hear
the happy winners' names

broadcast throughout
the world.

I...

Just a little patience,
ladies and gentlemen.

Can't you get it
through your conk
that this contest...

What's all this hogwash
about a deadlock?
Where's the verdict?

You'd better ask Bildocker.
Yeah, and you'll
get an answer, too.

If you birds had the brains
of a rooster...
I resent that, Bildocker.

You may know something
about the shipping department,

but when the 11 of us
are agreed,
I say you've a fine crust...

Yeah? Well, let me
tell you something.

It'll be 10:00 next week
and then some
before I give in to...

Quiet!

...a bunch of fat headed,
mealy-mouthed lamebrains

that wouldn't know enough
to come...
Quiet!

Jumping Johosephat!

Do you happen to realize
that we're on the air?

Do you happen to realize
that the whole of America
is waiting for your verdict,

that 120 million people
are suspended from your lips,

that you're giving
heart failure
to the Western Hemisphere?

What do you know
about picking slogans, anyway?

You wouldn't know a slogan
if you slipped on one.

If you gentlemen
had the combined brains
of an amoeba...

But we're all agreed,
Dr. Maxford.

It's only Bildocker
who's holding out.

Oh, it is, is it?

Well, let me
tell you something,
Mr. Bildocker.

You've been
getting into my hair
for the past 20 years,

and I meant
to mention it before.

I'm going to give you
just four seconds flat...

Oh, no, you're not,
Dr. Maxford.

I'm a member of this jury
and I'm going to vote
the way I think is right

if it takes 10 years!

You can fire me out
of the shipping department,

but you aren't going
to fire me off this jury

because I don't work
for you on this jury!

I'm giving my services free
to the bunch of suckers who...

Oh, who said anything
about firing you,
you lunkhead?

All I said was that I...

Yes?

Oh, we are, are we?

Well, that's just lovely.

We're going off the air,
gentlemen,
so just take your time.

You can stay here
till next Wednesday
for all I care.

Or you can stay here
till Hoboken freezes over.

We have failed
in our promise to the public.

We have muffed
the most dramatic
advertising moment

in the annals of commerce,
and you've made
a fathead out of me.

The next nitwit
who talks to me
about a contest

had better duck
before I swing on him.

In conclusion, gentlemen,
and especially you,
Mr. Bildocker,

let me say that I have seen
far, far better heads
on umbrellas!

And so, ladies and gentleman,
another broadcast
slips into posterity

as we bring to a close
the 449th
Maxford House program.

I wish I could have given you
the news that you were
so anxious to hear,

but since I could not,
I will conclude

with what the prisoner said
when the hangman
couldn't find the rope,

"No noose is good noose."

This is Don Hartman
wishing you all good night.

How do you like that?

They build you up
to a big finish

then leave you there
hanging on a meat hook.

You heard what he said,
"No news is good news."

He said,
"No noose is good noose."

What's the difference?
It doesn't matter.

I wish they'd
get it over with,
one way or the other.

You start thinking
about that $25,000
or even the $5,000...

Or even anything.
You said it.

And then when you've
practically got it
right in your mitts,

they leave you there
with your tongue hanging out.

There ought to be a law
against things like that.

Did you really think you were
going to win it, Jimmy?

Well, I haven't
lost it yet, have I?

How many have you lost?
I don't know.

But I do know that every time
I've lost a contest,

I've doubled my chances
on the next one. It's what
you call the law of average,

like when I lost the
"How many peanuts
in the window" contest.

Well, that doubled
my chances on...
Yeah, they put boxes
under the peanuts.

Well, they got a right
to do that.

They didn't ask how
many boxes under the peanuts.

All they said was...

"How many peanuts
are there in the window?"

All right, I lost it.
Well, that doubled
my chances on

the "You fill in
the missing words" contest.
But you lost that one, too.

Fine. So I was eight to one
when I went into
the limerick contest.

But you didn't win it, Jimmy.
That's what makes it
such a cinch this time.

Can't you just see it
over there in lights?

The guy swallows his coffee,
and it says,

"If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee,
it's the bunk."

You got to admit
that's some slogan.

Uh-huh.

Well, do you get the point?
Do you understand
what it means?

Yes.
What do you mean yes?

It's clear as crystal.

It isn't the coffee,
it's the bunk.

If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee
that keeps you awake,

it's the bunk.

The bunk!
When you don't sleep!
I know what it says.

I've heard it
a thousand times.
I just don't understand it.

Maybe you don't try
to understand it.
Maybe I don't.

I should think a kid of two
could understand that.

This Viennese doctor
in the Sunday paper says

the whole idea
is just a superstition,

that instead of
keeping you awake
coffee makes you sleep.

That's simple enough,
isn't it?
Coffee makes you sleep.

It doesn't make me sleep.
He's a Viennese doctor.

If he says it makes you...
Coffee keeps you awake, Jimmy.

It's a well-known fact.
Why are you so pig-headed
about it?

I'm not just trying
to contradict you, I'm...

I tell you it's the new
scientific theory.
It's the basis of my slogan.

People think coffee
keeps them awake.

Those kind of people
are nervous wrecks

and can't sleep anyway,
so why blame it on the coffee?

So I say, "If you don't sleep
at night, it isn't the coffee,
it's the bunk."

Do you get it?
I guess so.

You guess so.
What does it mean?

It's the bunk.
Yes, but do you get
the play on words?

Oh, you don't need
a play on words, Jimmy.

Any time anybody tells you
coffee makes you sleep,

you don't need a play on words
to know it's the bunk.

Don't you understand?
It's funny.

People are going
to laugh at it
when they hear it.

It means if you don't sleep
at night, it isn't the coffee
that keeps you awake,

it's the bed.
With me it's the coffee.

Oh, you know I want you
to win it, Jimmy. I'm just
as anxious as you are.

And when you lose this one,
just think how much better

your chances will be
on the next one.

Fine chance anybody's got
of winning anything

with everybody going around
saying coffee keeps you awake.

All right, let's go downstairs
and drink a gallon of coffee

and see which one
sleeps the longest.
Shut up.

Jimmy! Jimmy!

Yes, ma'am?

Mr. Zimmerman says will you
please not talk so loud,
he's trying to go to sleep.

Tell him to drink
a cup of coffee.

And don't take cold up there.
Is Betty warm enough?

Yes, thank you,
Mrs. MacDonald.
All right, dear.

I'd like you just as much
even if you didn't win
the old contest.

That's because you're a sap.

Well, maybe I am.
But if I am, I'm glad of it.

You know how we feel
about each other.
Nix.

Well, it's true, isn't it?
You can't say
I'm being forward.

Not much.
Well, I'm not.

Time is slipping by
and we're not
getting any younger.

Nix.

Two can live
as cheaply as one.
Who wants to live cheaply?

Cut it out, will you?

What would you do
if you won the $25,000?
Stick it in the bank.

Wouldn't you even buy
a little ring or something?

I don't like rings on a man.
Oh, you.

Oh, what's the use
of talking about it, honey?

You know I'd spend it
all on you and Mom.

I'd get you a new, shiny car
and a swell apartment,

maybe one of those little
dream houses in the suburbs,

some hired help,
maybe a trip to Europe,

maybe the Grand Canyon
would be better nowadays.

And we'd be happy, all right.
We could be happy anyway.

That's where you're wrong.

Everything that
means happiness
costs money and...

How much was your dad making
when he married your mom?

Eighteen bucks a week.
Well?

Well what? Do you think
that proves something?

She's never been
to the country
for more than a day,

never had any nice furniture.

The dream of her life
is a davenport that turns into
a double bed at nighttime,

with a crank.

She's never had a nice dress
except those she made herself.

I wore the old man's stuff
cut down
till I got my first job,

and he was worn out at 48
and croaked

because he couldn't afford
a decent doctor.

Where do you get
that "18 bucks a week" stuff?

Well, I earn 18
and you earn 22
and that's 40...

Sure, sure.
And you got your ma
and I got mine.

You get a kid and you have to
stop work and we're right back
at the 22 again.

Except then there is you,
and the kid,
and the two old ladies and me.

But, Jimmy...
Nix, honey.

They didn't give you
wrists like that
and hands like that

to spoil in a washtub
for a poor sap like me.

Jimmy...
You got to look out
for yourself

in this old world.
You got to see the main chance
and grab it.

A chance with plenty of money.
Men look out for themselves.

They don't think about
anything but money.
A girl's got to do the same

instead of fooling away
her time on a guy like me

unless he crashes through.

You make me tired.
Then why don't you go to bed?

That's a nice thing to say.

You invite a girl over
on your roof
and then yell at her.

If I wanted to be insulted,
I could have gone out
with a credit manager.

Who's stopping you?

Thank you very much,
Mr. MacDonald. It's nice
to know where you stand.

I'm sorry.

Maybe I will go out
with a credit manager.
Good night.

Wait a minute
and I'll help you.
I don't need any help,
thank you.

Here.

Kindly let go of my arm.
Why don't you watch your step?

Why don't you
mind your own business?
Oh, shut up.

Why don't you shut up?

Why don't you both shut up?

You see?

They got up there a horse yet?

Wait for your laugh.
Wise guy.

Bread and butter.
Bread and butter.

Don't fall down the ladder.
I've been down
the ladder before.

You fell down it before, too.

Good night.
Good night.

See you at the office.
Aren't you going to take me?

All right.

Good night, Jimmy.
Good night.

Good night.
Good night.

Night.

Good night, honey.
Good night, darling.

Good night.
Good night.

Good night!

I tell you
it makes you sleep.

All right,
it makes you sleep.

And water runs uphill,
and dogs meow, and cats bark,

and water's red hot
in the wintertime

and freezes over
in the summertime.

You're a dreamer
just like your father.

With him it was always
automobiles where the wind,

you scooped it up
in the front,

and pushed it out in the back
to make it go
or some such wildness.

Yeah, well, there's no wind
blowing out of my ideas.

You're pretty windy.

Have you got carfare?
Think so.

Yeah.

Make a wish.

What falls to the floor
comes to the door.
All right.

There's nothing
to laugh about.
I mind the time your father,

may his soul be peaceful,

dropped a quarter
down a crack,
and it wasn't an hour

till a near-sighted man
give him a $5 gold piece

instead of a nickel
in paying his fare.

We went to Coney that night.
What was the matter
with Pa's eyes?

He happened to be looking
somewhere else at the moment.

There was nothing the matter
with your father's eyes
or any of the rest of him.

He was the finest looking
conductor on the Third Avenue.

He sure was.

You'd look like
a shrimp beside him.
I sure would.

Then don't be saying
anything against your father.

Oh, I'm not saying
anything against him, Mom.

Well, watch your step.

Jimmy.
Yes, ma'am.

There's money in your cup.

And so the sucker says,
"Is Mr. Fish there?"

And the guy
on the other end says,
"Which one do you want?

"This is
the New York Aquarium."

No, but the best one is
you say,
"This is the Edison Company.

"Would you mind
stepping outside and seeing
if the street light's burning

"in front of your house?"

And when the poor mug
comes back and says,

"Yes, it is," you say,
"Well, blow it out, will you?"

Hello? Hello,
is this the Maxford House
Coffee Company?

Well, could you tell me
if the jury has reached
a verdict on the contest yet?

Oh, they haven't?
Well, then there's still
a chance for everybody, huh?

Thanks just the same.

I wonder what
one of those suckers would do
if they ever did win anything?

Well, it's very easy
to find out.

All you need
is a telegraph blank,
some scissors and some glue.

You cut it in strips,
glue it on the blank.

Holy mackerel!

Good afternoon, Miss Casey.
Good morning, Mr. Waterbury.

Good morning, John.

It jams. It's been doing that
quite a lot lately.

The wonder is it works at all.
Yes, sir.

Come into my office a moment,
Mr. MacDonald.

Yes, sir.

I've been watching you
for some time, Mr. MacDonald.

Yes, sir. Used to make me
kind of nervous.

Not nervous anymore?
No, sir.

Are you a drinking man then?
Sir?

This is part of your
yesterday's work.
I believe your number is 112.

Yes, sir.

The Comptometer
computing machine is almost
foolproof, Mr. MacDonald.

Yet you managed
to miss your total
by a little matter of $11,000

on this one sheet.
To what do you attribute that?

I don't know, Mr. Waterbury.

You are familiar
with simple arithmetic,
aren't you?

I mean,
you know the difference
between addition, subtraction,

and possibly
even multiplication.

Yes, sir.
I'm pretty good at it.

Have you troubles
at home then?

Are you henpecked?
Suffering from a broken heart?

Had your teeth
examined lately?
Do you play the races?

Or are you purely and simply
incapable of doing your work?

Well, I...

I guess it's the contest,
Mr. Waterbury.
The Maxford House Contest.

I had no idea
it was hurting my work.

How much is the prize?
The first prize is $25,000.

Ah, yes.

I used to think about $25,000,
too, and what I'd do with it,

that I'd be a failure
if I didn't get a hold of it.

And then one day I realized
I was never going to
have $25,000, Mr. MacDonald.

And then another day,
a little bit later,
considerably later,

I realized something else,

something I am imparting
to you now, Mr. MacDonald.

I'm not a failure,
I'm a success.

You see, ambition is all right
if it works,

but no system could be right

where only half of one percent
were successes

and all the rest
were failures.
That wouldn't be right.

I'm not a failure,
I'm a success.

And so are you
if you earn your own living,

pay your bills
and look the world in the eye.

I hope you win your $25,000,
Mr. MacDonald,

but if you shouldn't
happen to
don't worry about it.

Now get the heck back
to your desk and try
to improve your arithmetic.

Yes, sir, Mr. Waterbury.

Thank you.
That's all right.

Wow!

Oh, honey, look!
Look, look!

Hey, everybody!
Hey, everybody!
Hey, everybody! Come here!

Come on down here.
Honey, get up here, will you?
Get up here.

Wow! Wow!

Oh, boys and girls,
there comes a time
in everybody's life

when you've just got to
get up on top of a desk
and let her rip.

Wow!

In other words,
boys and girls,

I've just won
the $25,000 first prize
in the Maxford House Contest.

Hey, give me a phone.
Give me a phone.

Boy, this is going to be good.

Hello? Hello?
Give me Astoria 59970.

This is really going
to be good.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?
Is this Mrs. Schwartz?
Yes.

This is Jimmy.
Yeah, hello, Mrs. Schwartz.

Yes, I hate to bother you,
but could I talk
to my mom a minute?

Yes, it's very important.
Thank you, Mrs. Schwartz.

I'll let you use my phone
all you like when I get one.

Hello? Hello, Mom?
Mom, this is Jimmy.

Now, Mom... Mom, I'm going
to tell you something,
but don't let it frighten you.

You're not hurt?
Of course I'm not hurt.

Mom, would I call you up
from under a streetcar?

Now, Mom, listen.
Are you a rich woman
or a poor woman?

No, I'm not crazy
with the heat. I'm just
asking you a simple question.

Are you a rich woman
or a poor woman?

You're all wet.
Oh, I said you're
all wet, Mom.

Now, look.
You can go buy yourself
anything you want.

New furniture, automobiles,
new dresses...
Electric washer.

Oh, electric washer.
You know the one you like,
the green one?

It's yours, Mom.
The davenport.

Oh, the davenport,
and the one that turns into
a double bed at nighttime,

it's yours, Mom,
it's all yours.
And anything else you want.

All you got to do is tell me
and it's yours, Mom.

It's going to cost you
just one davenport.

I'll tell the world
I got a raise!
And how
he got a raise!

Let's put him
out of his misery.
Hey, cheese it, the boss.

What is going on around here?
What is this, a football game?

Quiet! I said, quiet!

Or there will be
severe consequences
for all of you.

What are you doing
up on that desk, young man?

Never mind what you're doing.
You're fired as of now,
this minute.

What's your name?
James MacDonald, sir,

and this is my fiancée,
Miss Casey.

Well, let that be
a lesson to you.

What is so funny about that?

What is the meaning
of this demonstration,
Mr. Waterbury?

I demand an explanation,
and it had better
be very good.

It is very good, sir.
It appears this lad has...

What? What? What? Quiet!

Mr. Baxter?
What do you want?

If anyone ought to be
fired around here, it's me.

Well, never mind
the noble gestures,

I'll decide what's what
around here.

You can save
that Rover Boy stuff
for your spare time.

See that this young man
is paid off,

and don't let
this type of nonsense reoccur.

Mr. Baxter,
there is a very good reason...

Has it anything to do
with the affairs
of this company?

Well, no, sir, but...

Well, then I don't care
to hear any more about it.

But you do care
to hear more about it.

How was that?

I say, you do care
to hear more about it.

You couldn't have understood
what was said or you wouldn't
have walked away.

These children
are part of your family,
Mr. Baxter,

and anything
that happens to them
is happening to you.

So if you don't care
to hear more about it,
you must have misunderstood.

What is all this, Waterbury?

This young man,
this minor employee of yours,

has just won the $25,000
Maxford House
New Slogan Contest.

He, and he alone
was chosen winner
over millions of contestants.

And I say that is
reason enough for rejoicing.

Well, I should say it is.

If you'll kindly get down
off my furniture, I'd like
to congratulate you, Mr...

Jimmy.
Jimmy.

Well, more power to you.
Thank you, sir.

Now, I suppose
I'll have to hire you back
at a fat increase.

Oh, I don't think
that will be necessary,
Mr. Baxter.

You see, I've always
liked it here and...

Well, I guess a little raise
would come in kind of handy.

And you really won
the Maxford House Contest, eh?

That's what the telegram said.

You say they wanted
a new slogan or something?

Yes, sir.

Well, it's about time
they changed the old one.

What was your slogan?

If you don't sleep at nights,
it isn't the coffee,
it's the bunk.

Do you get it?
It's a play on words.

It means,
if you don't sleep at night...

Yeah, but coffee
keeps you awake.
No, no, no, sir.

You see,
this scientist that was...
Well, it's a very clever idea
just the same.

"It isn't the coffee,
it's the bunk."

You know, that ought to be
good for the whole industry.

You didn't happen
to get any ideas
for Baxter and Sons, did you,

while you were
inventing slogans
for our competitors?

We make coffee, too, you know.
I certainly did, Mr. Baxter.

I've been trying to tell them
to the advertising department

ever since I've been here.

I guess I've been down there
about a thousand times,

till I guess they got kind of
sick of me. You see,
we don't advertise enough.

How would you like to
come into my office

and tell me
a few of these ideas?

Yes, sir.
Oh, Jimmy.

You can come, too,
my dear.

And then I'd put out
a secondary brand
to catch the in-between-trade.

Say, "Waterbury's,
it's the berries."

What do you mean "Waterbury"?
Now, Waterbury, let him go on.

Because, if Baxter's
is the best, we've got
to charge more for it.

We've got to have
a good slogan for it.
Word of mouth is all right,

but only if you've got
the right words.
Make a note
of that Miss Pettypass.

I'd try to find a slogan
that'd implied that Baxter's
was the finest of its class.

Say, oh, not
the aristocrat of coffee,
that's been used too much,

but, say,
"The Blueblood Coffee.

"It's bred in the bean." See?
As if every bean...

As if every bean in our coffee
had a pedigree.

"Baxter's Best,
the Blueblood Coffee."

"It's bred in the bean."

"It's bred in the bean."

Wonderful!

How about that one, Jenkins?

The only trouble with it is
I didn't think of it myself.

"It's bred in the bean."
I can see it
all over the nation.

In every nook and dell.

Jimmy, you're a genius.

Now that you're a capitalist,
I don't know how you feel
about working for a living,

but if you'd care to have
a little office here...

You mean to myself?
With his name on the door?

Naturally, with his name
on the door,

and this young lady
as your secretary.

And a reasonable stipend
to be determined upon later.

I see no reason
why we shouldn't
shake hands on it now.

Go ahead, Jimmy.
Well, gee whiz, Mr. Baxter,

I should say I would.
And how, I would.

And now I suppose you'd like
to have the afternoon off

while we get
your office ready?

Well, I'd certainly
appreciate it, Mr. Baxter.

Can she come along, too?
Why, of course she can.

And a little bird tells me
what kind of store you're
going be visiting first.

A little jewelry store
I'll wager, eh?

I guess you're not far wrong,
Mr. Baxter,

but first of all I think
I'll go over to Maxford House
and pick up that little check.

Oh, yes. We'd almost
forgotten about that,
hadn't we?

Almost, but not quite.

What was your
Maxford House slogan again?

"It isn't the bunk,
it's the coffee."

Ah, yes.
No, no.

"It isn't the coffee,
it's the bunk."

Isn't that marvelous?

"If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the... It's the..."

Yes, but
"It's bred in the bean."

That's the one for my money.
Functional.

Precisely.

Well, Mr. Baxter,
I certainly thank you.

I don't know what to say.

And thank you, too,
Mr. Jenkins.

It'll be a great pleasure
working with you.

And thank you, Mr. Waterbury.
And thank you, Mr. Babcock.

And thank you,
Miss Pettypass and...
And how.

Well, goodbye.
Goodbye.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Goodbye.

- A big future.
- Immense.

I've had my eye on him
for some time.

Huh?

Say, look, kid.
What?

Could I talk to you
for a moment?
It's kind of important.

Say, could you
tell me tomorrow?

I've got to go over
to Maxford House
and pick up my check.

They might think
I wasn't grateful
or something.

Well, that's what
I wanted to talk about.

You see, Harry
and Dick and I... Well...

Well, what?
Well, it's like this.

- You see, we...
- Oh, MacDonald!

Yes, sir?

Was that "it's bred
in the bean" or just plain
"bred in the bean"?

"It's." You see,
just plain "bred in the bean"
might sound like bread,

you know,
like bread and butter.

Naturally, I don't know why
I didn't realize it.

Well, is that all, sir?
Yes, of course.

Have a nice time
and don't spend
all your money in one place.

Thank you, sir. Goodbye.
Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Great mind.
Did you wish to speak to me,
Darcy?

Who me? Oh, no, sir.
I was just watching them
go out. I...

Well, it's been quite
an exciting day, hasn't it?

Yeah,
and it ain't even over yet.

And I said, "You can stay here
till Hoboken freezes over."

I should have fired
the whole bunch of them.

I was mortified.

The biggest moment
in commercial annals

muffed by a gang
of horse whistlers

who wouldn't know a slogan
from a poke in the eye
with a pointed stick.

I thought I'd die
of embarrassment.
I wish they'd died of lockjaw.

What good are these contests,
anyway?

They disrupt
the entire organization,

they make you
millions of enemies,

and all they prove is that
you're making too much money
in the first place.

Since you can afford
to toss a large chunk
to some saphead

who probably never had
a cup of your coffee
in his life,

but lives on goat's milk.

Have they reached
a verdict yet?
I don't know and I don't care.

Now, maybe if they hold off
until our next broadcast...

No, no. That would be
the intelligent thing to do.

That will be useful
to the company
that clothes and feeds them

and sends their children
to college,

so they can grow up
and be dumbbells

like their parents.

Well, what do you want?
The contest winner
is here, Dr. Maxford.

The contest winner?
Yes, sir.

Well, how do you
like that one?

First they bottle up
the biggest scoop of the year

and then when
they get good and ready,
they...

All right, send him in!

You can go in now.
Thanks.

Oh, I guess
I'd better wait here.
Come on in.

Well, no. Maybe you had
better wait here.

I guess we're
a little excited.
I should think you would be.

Congratulations.
Thanks. I mean, for him.

For both of us.

Well.

Of all the confounded...

Come in!

How do you do, sir.

I suppose I have the honor
of addressing Dr. Maxford,
I presume.

That's right,
and this is Don Hartman,
my announcer.

Well, Mr. Hartman,
it certainly is a pleasure
to meet you.

I've certainly enjoyed
your personality on the air.

Oh. Congratulations to you.
Thank you.

Here's the telegram,
Mr. Maxford. Dr. Maxford.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, yes. "Great pleasure
informing you... $25,000.

"Kindly call
and pick up your check."

Bildocker has a great
sense of the dramatic.

You aren't by any chance
a coffee drinker are you,
Mr. MacDonald?

Yes, sir, I certainly am.
Well, that's surprising.

You don't by any chance
drink my coffee, do you?

Well, no, sir. You see, I...
Oh, yes,
that sounds more natural.

But I could easily change.
That won't be necessary,
Mr. MacDonald.

I wouldn't want anybody
to think that I had any

base commercial motives
in all this,

I just give money away
because I can't
sleep at night.

I have a guilty conscience.
That's my slogan.
The one I won with.

Oh, well, I guess you know
all about that.
A guilty conscience, eh?

I can see that my money
is well spent.
That's a great slogan.

No, no, sir.

"If you can't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee,
it's the bunk."

I beg your pardon?
It's a pun.

It certainly is.
It's great.

Thank you.
I can hardly wait
to give you my money.

Bring me that contest check.

I don't know whether
you've ever had

anything like this
happen to you, Dr. Maxford,

but to be poor and unknown
one minute

and be sitting
on top of the world
the next minute,

that's a feeling that nobody
can ever take away from me.

Well, I...
To know I won this contest

because I thought
of a better slogan
than anyone else

means more to me
than anything else on earth,

and I'll tell you why...
If you will...

You see, I used to think
maybe I had good ideas

and was going to get somewhere
in the world,
but now I know it.

And that's what I want
to thank you for, Dr. Maxford,

even more than the money.

Is this the one you wanted,
Dr. Maxford, the $25,000 one?

That's right.
When did they choose a winner?

I didn't know...
I don't know!

They don't bother to inform me
about these things, of course.

James MacDonald.
Is that "M-a-c" or "M-c"?

It's M-a-c, sir.
Oh, yes.

My, my grandmother
was Scottish.

Mine was Lithuanian.

Here you are, young man.

It is customary
under these circumstances

to have a few
photographers present,

a couple of reporters
and even newsreels
and broadcasting machinery,

but since we do everything
around here on a very high
non-commercial plane,

I merely take pleasure
in giving you this
small check, Mr. MacDonald.

And that's all there is to it.
Thank you, Dr. Maxford.

I don't know how I could
ever find words...
Well, never mind about them.

Just goodbye and good luck.

Oh, boy.

- Now get me Bildocker!
- Yes, sir.

Oh, gee.

She's a little bit excited.
Yes.

He's as cool as ice.

Well, goodbye.
Goodbye.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

Yes.

Mr. Bildocker isn't
in his office, Dr. Maxford.

Well, why isn't he
in his office?

Where is he, down in the lobby
playing marble games?

You find him and tell him...

Never mind.
I'll tell him myself
when I see him

"It isn't the coffee,
it's the bunk."

Oh, isn't it beautiful,
Jimmy?

Holy smoke,
I should say it is.

Of course, this is a trifle
on the large side.

Now, here is a stone
of more practical dimensions.

Fiery little devil, isn't it?

The magnifying glass
go with it?

Of course it's entirely
up to you. I was only trying
to be helpful, that's all.

It's immaterial to me
how big a ring you look at.

Now how about...
Just a minute.

Fresh guy.

What do you think of this,
for instance?

How much is it?
$12,000

I wouldn't care
to spend that much.

Oh, you wouldn't.
No.

But I could if I felt like it.
Oh, you could?

Oh.

Well, that puts everything
on an entirely
different basis.

Now, let me see.
I'm in love with this one.

Oh, do you think
it's showy enough?

I wouldn't want it
to be showy.
Oh, yes.

Well, there's no denying
it's a friendly, little piece.

Well, then,
I guess we'll take it.
Yes, sir.

Jimmy.

Of course,
I haven't got any cash
with me, but...

But I've got a check here.
May I see it, please?

Sure.

Oh, well, Mr. Schmidt,
will you step this way
immediately, if you please?

Well, well, well.
I won
the Maxford House Contest.

Isn't it wonderful?
Well, dog my cats,
I should say it is.

A thousand congratulations.
Twenty-five thousand
congratulations.

For heaven's sakes...
Mr. Schmidt!

Yes, yes, Mr. Hillbeiner,
I'll be there presently.

Well, kindly cut a groove,
will you?
Sir.

Hillbeiner has been
drinking again.

Yes?

Shindel Bros.
wants to know
if that $25,000 check of yours

is good, Dr. Maxford.

What do they mean,
"is it good"?

Tell them I'll match mine
against theirs any day,
and give them six-to-four.

Yes, sir.
Is it good?

Commence.
The Davenola.
Now, watch closely.

I merely remove two cushions,

place my finger on the button
marked "night,"

which is next to the button
marked "day," and vice versa,

and with one easy push
of the finger,

we have a double bed, a radio,
an ashtray for those
who smoke in bed,

a reading lamp
for the most voracious reader,

a telephone,
and any other accessories
too numerous to mention.

Pausing merely
to slip a pillowslip
over the day cushion,

we complete the metamorphosis.

Everything under
fingertip control throughout.

There is no limit
to man's ingenuity.

Isn't that wonderful?
Comes the morrow.

A flick of the wrist,

a thorough airing.

A gentle pressure
on the button marked "day,"

and voilà,
as the French would say.

Ready for
the invigorating breakfast,
the browsing book,

or the gentle game of bridge.

The price 198.50 plus tax.
We'll take it.

And what a bargain
you're getting.
I beg your pardon?

I'm Mr. Shindel,
Mr. MacDonald.

Congratulations,
here's your check.

And what a check.
Thanks. Say,
how soon can you send it?

Mom's been wanting it so long.
It's there.

Make that a special,
Hillbeiner.
Yes, sir.

Do you suppose your mother
would like one?

Oh, no, thank you, Jimmy.
We haven't got room.

We've got to
get her something. We've got
to get everybody something.

Well, Mama's been wanting
a new iron for a long time.

She's got it.
Have you got irons?

Have we got irons?

They do everything but sing.

Say, we've got to get
something for Mrs. Schwartz,
a doll for Sophie,

old Mr. Zimmerman,
the Casey kids.
Aren't you afraid
of spending too much?

Oh, nonsense.
The Finnegan kids.
And Patrolman Murphy.

Tony Mezeppo.
And Mr. Rosenblatt.

Look, we'd better just work up
one side of the street
and down the other,

that way we won't
forget anybody.
Oh, Jimmy.

I don't like to take all this
without paying for it,
Mr. Shindel.

Nonsense, Mr. MacDonald.

We know an honest man
when we see one,
don't we, boys?

Yes, indeed.

Why don't you take this check
and give me the change?

We should have change
for such a check.

Excuse me.

What a bargain.
Thank you.

Well, Mr. Shindel,
I'll bring you a check as soon
as I put this in the bank.

Who's in a hurry?
Drop in anytime.
Drop in tomorrow.

Here are the flowers,
Mr. Shindel.
Thank you.

Little souvenir.
Thank you.

Don't forget to call again,
Mr. MacDonald.
No, sir, I won't.

Goodbye.
Goodbye, Mr. Shindel.

Goodbye, Mr. Shindel.
Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr. Schmidt.
Goodbye, Mr. MacDonald.

Goodbye, Mr. Schmidt.
Goodbye.

Goodbye,
Mr. Hillbeimer.
Hillbeiner.

Goodbye,
Mr. Heillbimer.

Hill...
That's close enough.

Goodbye.

Come and see us again,
won't you?
Thank you. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Have you got
all your bundles now?

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

Goodbye.
Goodbye.

Bye, bye.

What a boy.
What a business.

Oh, I'm so happy.

I feel kind of good myself.

Can you see the faces
on everybody
when we get there?

Yeah, like Christmas in July.

Well, happy New Year.

It will be a happy New Year,
too, from now on.

Everything new and clean
and different.

Just think, Jimmy,
no more worry.
That's right.

That's the only terrible thing
about being poor.

What kind of a house
are we going to have?
Any kind you like.

How about a penthouse?
They come kind of high,
don't they?

Oh, no, I don't think...

Oh, you fool.

Would you love me for always?
Of course, I will.

For always and always?
I don't know why not.

It might be a long time.

The longer, the sweeter, baby.

And then he says,
"Mom, you're all wet.
You can buy anything you want.

"An automobile, new dresses,
furniture, the davenport,
and anything."

I know. My Irving,
he drinks, too.
Once in a while a little bit.

Not so little...

Yes, I know,
but Jimmy doesn't.

I can't think of him
taking a drink unless
something terrible happened.

Might'll be he lost his job.
But he said he got a raise.

A raise? Who's giving raises
those days?

I can't think
what has happened.

They're bringing him home.

- Schweig still, who asked you something?
- Oh, schweig.

Don't you worry, dear.

Maybe just a little accident,
maybe just a leg...
or a finger.

Come here, quick.
Hurry up. Come quick.

What is it?
A funeral.

Hey, Mom, come on down!
You, too, Mrs. Schwartz.

You, too, Mama.
We've got presents
for everybody.

He's drunk.
Jimmy!

I'm all right, Mom!
Come on down!

Look!

Was somebody hurt?
Jimmy MacDonald came home
in a taxicab.

Wait a minute.
I got a big surprise for you.

I want to start with Sophie.

Careful, now.

I've got a present
for you, Sophie.
For me?

Yes, open it up.

Wait a minute. Take it easy.

Take it easy.
There's something
for everybody, I think.

Mom!

Oh, what's happened?
Are you hurt?

What's going on here?
Mom, I wasn't lying to you.

The davenport is on the way
by special delivery.

Oh, wait till you see it,
Mom.
Oh, then you did get a raise.

Oh, glory.

This for you. Oh, Mom.

Why don't you get wise
to yourself? Who do you think
you are anyway?

If it's good enough
for the 11 of us,
who are you to say that...

It stinks.
What?

It stinks.
He stinks.

One more crack out of you,
Arbuster, and I'll bust you
right in the nose.

All right,
let's see you do it.
All right, I will,
you snake-eyed...

Sit down before
you burst a blood vessel.
Sit down, Bildocker.

Now let's talk this over
in a nice, friendly way.

Magnificent and Mellow".

It's just what
the doctor ordered.

It's brief,
it's smooth, it's pungent.

It's putrid.
Why is it putrid, Bildocker?

Because it stinks.

What do you mean,
he isn't back?
Why isn't he back?

Where is he? In a barbershop?

Never mind him.
Tell him to go soak his head
in a barrel.

- Is Mr. Arbuster there?
- No, sir.

Well, why isn't he there?
Where is everybody,
playing pool?

Is Mr. Groble there?
No, sir.

He isn't? Well,
what's he having an operation?

What kind of a firm
is this anyway?
He's in the contest room,
Dr. Maxford.

What do you mean,
he's in the contest room?

The contest is over.

He's down there just the same,
Dr. Maxford.

What are they doing
down there,
playing poker?

Never mind,
I'll find out myself.

Horsefeathers.

Don't be vulgar, Bildocker.
For once.

Who are yous?

Well, what are you
arguing about now? Haven't you
made enough trouble?

Now that it's over, I wondered
if you'd be kind enough
to get back to your offices

and try and sell
a little coffee for a change.
Or am I being too commercial?

And while I'm on that subject,
I just want to tell you

that of all the congregations
of fatheads

that I've ever had
the pleasure of gazing upon,

you take the lard pail!

So kiss each other goodbye
and get back to your offices!

All except you, Bildocker.
You come with me.

Then what about the contest?
Well, what about it?

Now that you've killed it,
do you have to hold
a post-mortem on it?

Don't you want us
to choose a winner?
You chose a winner?

Who chose a winner?
We certainly did not
choose a winner.

Well, you certainly
did choose a winner.

What do you mean,
you didn't choose a winner?

I mean, we haven't
reached a verdict yet.

You haven't
reached a verdict yet?
No, sir.

Well, you certainly
have reached a verdict yet.

What do you mean,
you haven't reached
a verdict yet?

Are you trying to stand there
and tell me that you haven't
reached a verdict yet?

We have not.

Then why did you
send him a telegram
telling him he'd won?

Answer me that!
Send who a telegram?

McTavish?
We didn't send any...

Who's McTavish?
You didn't send any...

Well, you certainly did
send a telegram.
Well, we certainly did not
send a telegram.

You didn't?

Well, then, who, who...

Jumping Jerusalem.

Get my lawyers!
Which ones?

Schumer, Slimmer, Abercrombie
and Schlitz! Get the police!

Yes, sir.
Quiet!

Get me Shindel Bros.!
Yes, sir.

The important thing
at a moment like this
is to keep cool and collected.

Collected. Holy Moses!
Now, now, don't get excited.
Bank the call.

Bank the call?
Call the bank.

What's the matter with you?
Holy mackerel.

What? Give me your hat.

Get me Minsk, Milsk,
Pinsk and Minsk.
What kind of a hat,
Mr. Shindel?

Get a hat.
Yes, sir.

Real hat.
Yes, sir.

Stop!

Stop.

No, go!

And we'll go with you.

Jimmy, I'm running low.

Got another load.
Oh, good.

Mary? Where's Mary?
Over here.

All right, Mary.

Marsha. Marsha, there you are.

Nobody's been forgotten.
Now be careful over there,
Lizzie. Here.

Pick it up now!

You forgot to get a present
for yourself.
What?

I said you forgot
to get a present for yourself.

What do I want a present for?
I've got you.

Well, come on, get out
and grab something.
Look, Jimmy.

Here comes your davenport,
Mom.
What?

Your davenport.
Wait, till you see it.

Come on, get them.

Take them away.

Hey, you...

Hey, what's the idea
of busting up my plane?

Yeah, well, it happens
to be my plane.
What do you mean,
"your plane"?

Jimmy MacDonald give it to me.

Yeah, and when I get through
with that Jimmy MacDonald...

What's going on around here?
Officer, I want
all these people arrested.

Who do you think you are?
Hitler?

Now, listen to me, you...
Yeah, well,
you listen to me, baby.

Well, can't you do something?

Say, hey...

No, no! Mama!
We need to take it.

Why don't you come
and help me?

No, no. Mama!
Just what do you think
you're doing?

You see, this is stolen
from Shindel Bros.
Oh, it is, is it?

He who laughs last,
laughs last!

I tell you
everything is stolen
down to the last pogo stick.

Everything.

You see? Shindel Bros.
Toyland.

He comes into my store
with a phony check
and when I asked him...

What? Who came into your store
with a phony check?

There he is. He ain't even got
the decency to run away,
lowlife.

Hey, listen you.
Officer, arrest that man.

You starting that stuff again?

What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?

I've known that kid
since he was knee-high
to a cockroach.

What's he supposed
to have done?
Supposed to have done?

Listen to him.

He's supposed to
walk into my store and flash
a sour check in my face,

then he's supposed to walk out
with a diamond ring

which I suppose I don't see
on that girl's finger.

Then a nice fur coat
which I suppose
I ain't looking at yet.

Than he takes half of the toys
in my store,

waves me the rubber check,
and then takes a powder.

Who says it's a rubber check?
Are you nuts?

Dr. Maxford of Maxford House,
maybe he's nuts.

How can Dr. Maxford
say it's a phony check
when he gave it to me himself?

Mr. Schwindel...
Shindel, thank you.

I know this boy
since his papa and mama
wasn't even married, yet.

The whole family
is a little bit crazy.

$25,000. Can you imagine?

A dreamer.

But Mrs. Schwartz,
Mr. Zimmerman...
Let me handle it.

I tell you he gave me a check.

If he says
he gave him a check...
Then he gave him the check.

Why don't you just go home
and think it all over?

Listen, you, I'll break you
in so many pieces.

You're all witnesses here.
He refuses...
Are you trying
to imitate an officer

in the pursuit of his duty?
Who's trying
to imitate anybody...

Officer! Officer,
arrest this man.
That's been tried before.

Dr. Maxford, there's been
some sort of a mix-up here.

You have the effrontery
even to speak to me,
young man?

What are you talking about?

I just want you
to tell these people
that you gave me a check.

What check?
The one you gave me
in your office.

Let me see it.
Certainly.

Oh, that check.

Oh, boy, do I feel better.
Wait a minute!

Hey, what are you destroying
the evidence, you crook!

Who are you, you burglar?
Shindel, you schnook.

Officer, I want
all these people arrested.

Listen, Mussolini...
Dr. Maxford,

if there's been
something wrong, why did you
give me the check for?

Why did you
send me a telegram?

You know perfectly well
I never sent you
a telegram in my life!

I never even heard of you.

You're not going to say
you didn't give me a check?

That was entirely by mistake.

I was suspicious of you
from the first moment

I ever clamped eyes on you.

You mean, I didn't win?
You know perfectly well
you didn't win.

- But...
- Wait a minute.

He's entirely responsible.
I see it all.

I know how big firms work.
God forbid.

This is an honest boy,
ladies and gentlemen.

I knew it the minute
I looked at him.

You gave him the check,
you numskull,

so where do you come in
to have anyone arrested?

Or I should take back
the merchandise
that I sold in good faith.

Take down that davenport
and carry it upstairs
for the lady.

Enjoy it in good health.
A present from Dr. Maxford.

And, here, buy the children
some more ice cream.

They can enjoy my toys
much better.

With love from Dr. Maxford
who's paying for everything.

I'll see you in Hoboken
before I pay for anything.

And I'll see you in court,

where I'll guarantee you
you'll pay for everything

with costs.
In a pig's nose!

Pigs or no pigs.

And I'll tell you
another thing...

Oh, you will, will you?

Don't take the good ones.

It doesn't matter, honey.
You can't lose anything
you never had.

I don't want his old ring,
or his old skunk.

What I can't figure is
who sent that telegram?

Hello, Jimmy. Hello, Betty.

Hello.
Hello.

What's that?

Is this the kind of davenport
your ma wanted?

The crank fits on here,
and when you turn it...

Makes into a full-size
double bed at night.
The guy says it works swell.

I don't know what you had
to go get that for.

Well, we kind of hoped that
it might make up
for the phony telegram.

It was supposed
to be a joke.
It wasn't
a very funny joke.

Oh.

I get it.

Oh, Jimmy.

Hi, Mr. Jimmy.
Hello, Sam.

The boss gone, yet?

No, sir,
he's still in there conniving
on something or other.

Why don't you tell him
in the morning?

Sure was glad to hear about
your good luck, Mr. Jimmy.

You wouldn't be needing
a valet, would you?

No, thanks, Sam.

Well, sir,
I guess you is right.

Pride rises before it fall,

but it sure ain't everybody
that hits the jackpot

while they is young and all.
You said it.

Look.
Hello, pussy.

Is it good luck or bad luck
when a black cat
crosses your path?

That all depends
on what happens afterwards.

You said it.

It sure don't happen
to everybody, sir.

Yes, sir.
Look.

Good evening.

Pretty snazzy, huh?

Yeah.
It's lovely.

Thank you.

Be careful.
We will.

It was going to be nice,
wasn't it?

Stop it, honey. Come on, now,
cut it out. Come on, come on.

Come in.

I hope I'm not intruding.
Oh, no, sir.

I was just coming down
to see you. We stopped in to
take a look at the office...

So I noticed.
I hope you like it.
Oh, it's beautiful.

It isn't every young man
who gets his own office

and a private secretary
at your age.

With many of them
I might be afraid
it would go to their heads,

but I think you have your feet
pretty solidly on the ground.

Thank you, Mr. Baxter.
Oh, I mean it sincerely.

Mr. Jenkins and I discussed
our little meeting

at great length
after you left,

and I want you to know
that we were
genuinely impressed.

Genuinely so.
Well, that's certainly
nice to hear...

The more we thought
about your ideas,

the more aware we became
of their pungency,

of their brevity...
Well, there's...

of their crispness.
Oh, thank you, sir.
It certainly...

You have a genuine talent
for slogans. It must be
like having an ear for music.

Now you take me.

I sing flat, and you
on the other hand,
are a born sloganeer.

"It's bred in the bean".
Hot zigity!

Well, it's certainly wonderful
to hear, Mr. Baxter.

I kind of got something
on my mind,

but you've certainly
made me feel a lot better.

I mean,
they're still the same ideas,
aren't they?

If they were good
this afternoon, they're,
they're still good.

Well, they'd have to be.
They're the same.

Of course they are.
Of course they are.

I'm not quite sure
that I have your thought.

I mean, if you thought
the ideas were good
this afternoon,

you still think they're good,
don't you?
Well, of course, I do.

Why?
Well, I mean,

since they were good,
and they're still good,

they have to be good,

and then it wouldn't make
so much difference
or any difference

if I hadn't won the contest,
the Maxford House Contest,
would it?

Of course it would
make a difference.
Oh, it would?

Well, certainly it would.
Why?

I'm no genius. I didn't
hang onto my father's money

by backing my own judgment,
you know.
I make mistakes every day.

Sometimes several times a day.
I've got a whole warehouse
full of mistakes.

I should say
it would make a difference.

You see, I think
your ideas are good
because they sound good to me,

but I know your ideas are good
because you won this contest

over millions of aspirants.
Yeah, but you see,
Mr. Baxter...

It's what you might call
commercial insurance,

as when a horse
wins the Derby, you back him
for the Preakness.

Well, I didn't win it.
The Preakness?

The contest,
I didn't win anything.
It was a joke.

A joke.

That's what they meant it
to be, anyway.
Who did?

Some of the fellows.
Oh, they didn't mean any harm.

They just wanted
to see how I'd look
when I got the news.

Well, you tell me their names
and we'll see how they look

when I give them some news.
I wouldn't care to do that,
Mr. Baxter.

Oh, it doesn't matter.
What do you mean,
it doesn't matter?

After I spend
a whole afternoon
listening to a lot of baloney

entirely predicated
on the winning of this contest
and giving you this office!

But how about,
"It's bred in the bean,
the Blueblood Coffee"?

Well, I don't know,
what about it?
We'll find that out.

There'll be plenty of time
for that.

But I won't be made a fool of,
you understand.

I can't go around giving
out private offices
and private secretaries

on the strength of a prank
that personally
I consider far from funny.

Yes, sir.
Yes, sir!

Could be kind of hard to face
that gang tomorrow morning
from back at that desk.

It would be just as hard
to face them from in here,
if you didn't belong here.

Uneasy lies the head that...
He does belong in here,
Mr. Baxter.

Now, what is the joke
this time?

He belongs in here
because he thinks
he belongs in here.

Because he thinks he...
Oh, that's all very deep dish

and highfalutin,
but from a practical...
It is practical, Mr. Baxter.

It's the most practical idea
you ever had.

He belongs in here
because he thinks
he has ideas.

He belongs in here
until he proves himself
or fails,

and then somebody else
belongs in here until he
proves himself or fails,

and somebody else after that,
and somebody else after him,

and so on and so on
for always.

Oh, I don't know
how to put it into words
like Jimmy could,

but all he wants,
all any of them want is,

is a chance to show,
to find out, what they've got
while they're still young

and burning like a shortcut
or a stepping stone.

Oh, I know they're not
going to succeed.
At least most of them aren't.

They'll all be like
Mr. Waterbury soon enough,

most of them, anyway,
but they won't mind it.

They'll find something else
and they'll be happy
because they had their chance

because it's one thing
to muff a chance
when you get it,

but it's another thing
never to have had a chance.

His name's already
on the door.

Well, if anything decided me,
that would be it.

Oh, Mr. Baxter.
Now you've talked enough.

The desks have already
been moved and the name
is painted on,

as you
so skillfully pointed out,

so we'll try it
for a very short time,
you understand?

At no advance in salary,
you understand?
Yes, sir.

And for a very short time.
Yes, sir.

After all, this is
a business institution,
not a cultural project.

Oh, you'll never be sorry,
Mr. Baxter.

Yes, well, I'm
a little bit sorry already,
so just let it go at that.

Good night and try to be
on time in the morning.

Oh, pshaw!

Isn't it wonderful?

You were wonderful,
you'll always be wonderful,

but I'm
a little bit leery about me.
Don't talk like a fathead,
will you?

This is a chance
of a lifetime, and you know
you've got what it takes.

You know that.
I don't know.

I never did know
until I got that telegram.
And now I don't know anymore.

I'm like Mr. Baxter.

That's why I understood him
and didn't say anything, see?

Well, even if
it shouldn't work out,

it brought us together,
and that's something

and I've got the ring
to prove it, and you can't
back out on me now,

or I'd sue you.

Oh, you poor kid.

So you see we have plenty
to be thankful for.

Sure.

There's that cat again.

Good night.
Good night, Sam.

Good night.

Look.
Yeah.

Sure looked funny
this afternoon.
The old buzzard.

Was you to a fish fry,
Dr. Maxford?
No, I wasn't to a fish fry.

Smells like
a seven-course banquet.
I wasn't to any banquet,
either.

Dr. Maxford!
Well, what do you want?

I got some good news for you.

It took a little doing,
but I won those clucks over
in the end.

The way I feel about it,
Bildocker, it just doesn't
matter anymore.

This is the stupidest,
the most asinine,
the most infuriating...

But wait till you
hear the slogan!
But I don't wish
to hear the slogan!

I don't wish to hear any more
about the whole mess.

Pick your winner,
send him a check
and tell him to go and...

Listen to this, will you?
Is this good?

"If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee,
it's the bunk."

Is that a slogan?
It's what you call a pun,

and believe me, it's some pun.

We just sent
the winner a telegram,

a guy by the name
of James Mac...