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1
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:09,929
% My dreams are all dead and buried %
2
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% Sometimes l wish the sun
would just explode %
3
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% When God comes
and calls me to His kingdom %
4
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% l'll take all you sons of bitches
when l go %
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- My turn.
- Hell, no.
6
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- Man, let me drive that thing. Come on!
- Do not touch the trim!
7
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Early's tenure as CEO
of Dan Halen Sheetrock lnternational...
8
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had not been long,
but it had been distinguished.
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By drunkenness, hair-trigger violence,
and a total lack of performance.
10
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l would call it
a steady decline in performance...
11
00:00:52,046 --> 00:00:56,346
but that would imply
that he performed at one point in time.
12
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ln fact, he had not.
He was drunk.
13
00:00:59,386 --> 00:01:03,152
Herd Thinner is the name of the brand.
l can't change that.
14
00:01:03,190 --> 00:01:06,318
What would you have me call it?
lt's a highly toxic gel.
15
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Hi.
16
00:01:07,394 --> 00:01:10,124
l know it looks like toothpaste.
lt's supposed to.
17
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No, l'm saying, ''Wipe, moron.''
18
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Hold on there.
19
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Well, now, looky here.
Hot damn it! lt's the weekend!
20
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- See you Tuesday.
- lt is Tuesday.
21
00:01:28,415 --> 00:01:30,440
But in the mountains of North Georgia...
22
00:01:30,484 --> 00:01:35,046
even a CEO's meager salary
is not enough to raise a family.
23
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Sometimes people need a second job
to make trucks meet.
24
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Toodly do!
25
00:01:41,829 --> 00:01:43,023
Them hippies show up?
26
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They're out back.
Why do they come up here every week?
27
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Here you go, boy.
l bought you a veggie game.
28
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- You did?
- Hell, no.
29
00:01:49,170 --> 00:01:51,536
Wash them trucks.
But you leave the boat to me.
30
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Don't you touch that sonbitchin' boat.
A boat is not a toy.
31
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Thank you.
The boat is mine.
32
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The boat is mine!
33
00:02:00,881 --> 00:02:03,145
Dude, l'm scared.
34
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- l think that thing moved.
- Chill, Troy.
35
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:10,053
This guy's cool. Just stay calm.
He totally won't shoot.
36
00:02:13,060 --> 00:02:16,791
Gentlemen, Evan,
how might l assistify you?
37
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To be of assistification to you?
Assistalort hepignate.
38
00:02:21,769 --> 00:02:24,738
We were told, like,
by, like, my big brother.
39
00:02:24,772 --> 00:02:31,405
- Bro is like you might be able to, like...
- You want to bang yourself a goat?
40
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Because the goat's dead
but we can still do this thing.
41
00:02:35,916 --> 00:02:38,680
- l'll give you a deal on it.
- He wants to.
42
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,280
No, seriously.
We just want to buy weed.
43
00:02:42,323 --> 00:02:45,292
Hell. l got to read my walk-ins better.
All right, boys.
44
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You see that smoke over there
coming off that bald-headed sonbitch?
45
00:02:49,663 --> 00:02:53,759
That's where you pick the good stuff.
Go on. Take your boyfriend with you.
46
00:02:53,801 --> 00:02:57,430
- Would you mind taking a quick survey?
- That thing moved.
47
00:02:58,973 --> 00:03:00,668
l thought that was a scarecrow.
48
00:03:00,708 --> 00:03:03,074
No, no.
That there is the Research Department.
49
00:03:03,110 --> 00:03:05,601
- Television...
- Shut up, Research Department!
50
00:03:06,747 --> 00:03:10,774
- Where am l?
- Holy...! ls that a still?
51
00:03:10,818 --> 00:03:13,446
- Troy, shut up, dude, man.
- That's all right, Evan.
52
00:03:13,487 --> 00:03:14,545
Troy's a curious one.
53
00:03:14,588 --> 00:03:17,614
Now, allow me to explain
the contamination process.
54
00:03:17,658 --> 00:03:20,252
Pine cones go in here...
55
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party liquors come out
here and proceed to here.
56
00:03:23,664 --> 00:03:26,758
Fights begin,
fingerprints is took, days is lost...
57
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bail is made, court dates are ignored,
cycle is repeated.
58
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- Dude, can l get that?
- Yeah, go on with it.
59
00:03:33,908 --> 00:03:36,570
This will put some fuzz
on your chewing gum.
60
00:03:36,610 --> 00:03:39,101
- Do it, man.
- Troy. Stepping up.
61
00:03:39,146 --> 00:03:41,478
- Do it. Do it. Do it, man.
- Yeah, come on, boy.
62
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- Drink, drink, drink.
- Hit it, son.
63
00:03:45,252 --> 00:03:47,743
Oh, man. l'm blind.
64
00:03:47,788 --> 00:03:50,552
- This is awesome.
- Hook me up, then, dude.
65
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- How long can l ride this train?
- l'd say about four... ever.
66
00:03:54,828 --> 00:03:55,920
Dude.
67
00:03:55,963 --> 00:03:58,659
Mind yourself, now,
or you're gonna wake up next to that.
68
00:03:58,699 --> 00:03:59,961
Hi.
69
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,867
All stuck up together
by the dried fluids of amore.
70
00:04:02,903 --> 00:04:04,029
l like butt cheeks.
71
00:04:04,071 --> 00:04:07,632
Yeah. lt's happened
to the best of us. A lot.
72
00:04:07,675 --> 00:04:10,735
Dude, we have got to bring
some of this back to the house.
73
00:04:10,778 --> 00:04:14,942
- Gordo and Wolfman will go ballistic.
- Uh-uh-uh, son.
74
00:04:16,450 --> 00:04:18,714
Did you need money, or...
75
00:04:18,752 --> 00:04:22,085
How about them costly
puka beads you're wearing?
76
00:04:22,122 --> 00:04:24,784
- All right. Sweet.
- This is awesome!
77
00:04:24,825 --> 00:04:26,952
Touch fists, let's go.
Let's put it up.
78
00:04:26,994 --> 00:04:31,897
- Leave me hanging. Touch fists.
- l put my fist in the beehive.
79
00:04:31,932 --> 00:04:33,194
- Russell!
- Yes'm?
80
00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:35,758
Go ahead and fill up
these oil jugs for these boys.
81
00:04:35,803 --> 00:04:36,997
With pine-cone liquor?
82
00:04:37,037 --> 00:04:39,665
- Hell, no.
- l'm driving. Where's your dad's car?
83
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Pee pee in them jugs.
84
00:04:42,176 --> 00:04:43,643
Hell!
85
00:04:43,677 --> 00:04:47,238
That's the office. l can't believe
l got to go in on a Wednesday.
86
00:04:47,281 --> 00:04:49,875
Them people
can't wipe their ass without me.
87
00:05:01,895 --> 00:05:04,955
Howdy doody, Donna?
Nice ass this morning.
88
00:05:04,999 --> 00:05:08,162
- Yeah. You wearing panties?
- Actually l need to get off here.
89
00:05:08,202 --> 00:05:12,002
Steve, big dog. Here's the pot
l've been growing on my property.
90
00:05:12,039 --> 00:05:15,531
See if this don't help
with your wife bitching and all that mess.
91
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:19,808
- Not here, man.
- Pine-cone liquor? Nobody?
92
00:05:21,115 --> 00:05:24,642
Well, then,
how about a fried possum pecker?
93
00:05:31,658 --> 00:05:33,353
l need to get off here at three.
94
00:05:37,264 --> 00:05:40,062
Don't forget, y'all.
Softball Thursday night.
95
00:05:41,035 --> 00:05:44,994
Come on. Work, work.
Come on. What is the deal with this?
96
00:05:45,039 --> 00:05:48,770
Step aside, Glen. You got
a Error 43 - Replace Toner Cartridge.
97
00:05:49,843 --> 00:05:51,834
Looks like the magenta.
98
00:05:51,879 --> 00:05:53,574
Damn. This is gonna hurt.
99
00:05:58,118 --> 00:05:59,210
Stand clear!
100
00:06:02,089 --> 00:06:03,681
Hurry now. Hurry.
101
00:06:03,724 --> 00:06:08,093
Take out there sexual harassment manual
and hit me in my groin.
102
00:06:08,128 --> 00:06:09,618
- You're sure about that?
- Hurry.
103
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- Hard?
- Faster, damn it. Faster.
104
00:06:11,899 --> 00:06:16,097
- All right, all right. Here.
- Don't stop, don't stop!
105
00:06:17,137 --> 00:06:18,434
Now flog my ass.
106
00:06:21,909 --> 00:06:25,504
Now, now you're ... with me.
Nice one.
107
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,580
See if that sonbitch will fax now.
108
00:06:28,615 --> 00:06:32,107
lt never was able to fax.
lt's a coffeemaker.
109
00:06:33,153 --> 00:06:34,916
You dumb ass, you can't fax coffee.
110
00:06:34,955 --> 00:06:38,413
Coffee don't fax worth a damn.
Every time the rain hits it, it'll run.
111
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Damn.
You're a dumb sonbitch.
112
00:06:40,861 --> 00:06:43,329
- What do you mean, where did l get 'em?
- Early.
113
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Some fool left them out.
l'd offer you one, but they're mine.
114
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Early, it has come to my attention
that during employment hours...
115
00:06:51,405 --> 00:06:55,808
you have been distributing and consuming
certain arboreal alcoholic libation.
116
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You know, you've been drinking.
117
00:07:02,349 --> 00:07:04,579
Liquid in your mouth?
118
00:07:06,053 --> 00:07:07,748
- Alcohol?
- Sure, l'll have one.
119
00:07:07,788 --> 00:07:11,884
No, you won't.
What you will do is answer this question.
120
00:07:11,925 --> 00:07:14,155
How does it taste?
121
00:07:14,194 --> 00:07:17,095
Like the untamed wilditude of nature...
122
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erupting in the space
where your brain used to live.
123
00:07:21,435 --> 00:07:22,834
Take a sip, you'll see.
124
00:07:22,870 --> 00:07:27,068
- But not for long.
- Let me show you something, Early.
125
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Close your eyes.
126
00:07:29,343 --> 00:07:31,311
Now open them.
127
00:07:31,345 --> 00:07:34,246
Oh, hell!
l'm exposed. Nudified.
128
00:07:34,581 --> 00:07:38,017
That's right.
l stripped you of your dignity.
129
00:07:38,051 --> 00:07:41,316
What if the rest of the world
were as blind as you just were?
130
00:07:41,355 --> 00:07:43,050
l reckon you could take my stuff.
131
00:07:43,090 --> 00:07:45,558
No, no, no.
l would never think of doing that.
132
00:07:45,592 --> 00:07:48,755
But you thought of it, so we'll do it.
How much of this can we make?
133
00:07:50,998 --> 00:07:52,625
Well, how is it?
134
00:07:54,902 --> 00:07:57,769
Very warm, robust...
135
00:07:57,804 --> 00:08:01,296
with just a buttery high note
of all-weather coolant...
136
00:08:01,341 --> 00:08:03,832
and there we go.
137
00:08:03,877 --> 00:08:05,970
Darkness. Wait a minute!
138
00:08:08,715 --> 00:08:11,548
- ls this brake fluid?
- Brake fluid? No. Steering.
139
00:08:11,585 --> 00:08:14,486
l said hairspray, sonbitch.
What are you? Blind?
140
00:08:14,521 --> 00:08:17,251
- l am blind.
- You been drinking the product, ain't you?
141
00:08:17,291 --> 00:08:21,318
- l am so sorry. ls good.
- lt's damn good.
142
00:08:21,361 --> 00:08:26,298
But it needs a name. Something sexy,
inviting, and sophisticated.
143
00:08:26,333 --> 00:08:27,800
Glug.
144
00:08:27,834 --> 00:08:32,828
Yes! Erupt into a bev-rage
this summer with Glug.
145
00:08:32,873 --> 00:08:35,671
That's the slogan. We'll add
the word ''dawg'' for the blacks.
146
00:08:35,709 --> 00:08:38,735
They like that word,
like they're friends with the product.
147
00:08:41,415 --> 00:08:45,408
And so Dan Halen flooded
the market with Early's Glug.
148
00:08:47,187 --> 00:08:50,156
Welcome, y'all.
Come on in and get your Glug on.
149
00:08:50,190 --> 00:08:53,489
Leave your money on the counter.
l trust you.
150
00:08:53,527 --> 00:08:56,257
And the region was cast in darkness.
151
00:08:56,296 --> 00:08:59,732
Affordable, refreshing,
brain-suffocating darkness.
152
00:08:59,766 --> 00:09:02,963
Russell, get the hell in my hands
where l can see you.
153
00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:07,235
What did l tell you
about drinking underneath the age?
154
00:09:07,274 --> 00:09:10,038
You said if l could afford
and bring back enough for you...
155
00:09:10,077 --> 00:09:13,569
you don't care what l do, and it's my body
and l can kill it however l want to.
156
00:09:13,614 --> 00:09:16,014
And America's about freedom.
157
00:09:16,049 --> 00:09:19,815
Son, there's every chance in the world
l was drunk when l said that?
158
00:09:19,853 --> 00:09:21,582
lt's your welfare l care about.
159
00:09:22,856 --> 00:09:25,484
You know that check?
Did that come today?
160
00:09:25,525 --> 00:09:28,323
- l ain't seen the mail.
- l knew you been drinking.
161
00:09:28,362 --> 00:09:29,727
Don't hurt me, Rusty!
162
00:09:29,763 --> 00:09:32,231
- Get back here.
- ls that Rusty?
163
00:09:34,001 --> 00:09:36,765
- Get your Glug on.
- Get the stuff.
164
00:09:36,803 --> 00:09:39,533
Cash your Glug points
for hats, coolers...
165
00:09:39,573 --> 00:09:42,201
canes, seeing-eye dogs,
books on tape.
166
00:09:42,242 --> 00:09:46,269
The audio phone book, A-L,
as read by Dan Halen.
167
00:09:46,313 --> 00:09:50,443
Chapter one. Residents.
Abarado, Thomas C.
168
00:09:50,484 --> 00:09:56,787
Klondike, 58272 area code
678-555-011 2.
169
00:09:56,823 --> 00:10:00,054
Entry number two,
Avarao, Janine.
170
00:10:00,093 --> 00:10:04,257
Highway 172, 678-555...
171
00:10:04,298 --> 00:10:08,098
And a Glug grand prize
for a trip for two to Hawaii.
172
00:10:08,135 --> 00:10:10,763
That's right.
You can't see it, but you'll buy it.
173
00:10:10,804 --> 00:10:12,237
Yeah, you'll buy anything!
174
00:10:12,272 --> 00:10:14,706
Let's go ahead and cut that last line.
175
00:10:14,741 --> 00:10:17,608
And make sure
my leggings are pressed.
176
00:10:17,644 --> 00:10:22,513
For tomorrow, all those that mocked me
will feel my wrath.
177
00:10:37,264 --> 00:10:38,595
How was that?
178
00:10:39,733 --> 00:10:42,258
- Was that a strike?
- lt's still in your hand!
179
00:10:43,270 --> 00:10:48,003
Go on, mate. Hurl the sphere,
and l will shock the world.
180
00:10:54,581 --> 00:10:57,641
- Did l strike him out again?
- Ball Four.
181
00:10:57,684 --> 00:11:02,280
Yes. Rack another one
up for the walk master.
182
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:10,000
Subtitles by
BloodLogic
183
00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:14,600
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
15148
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