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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,166 --> 00:00:04,327 This show is called Squidbillies. 2 00:00:04,368 --> 00:00:07,895 lt takes place in a quiet little town nestled in the North Georgia mountains. 3 00:00:09,140 --> 00:00:14,476 lt has a gas station, a dance studio, a Sheriff's office. 4 00:00:14,645 --> 00:00:17,978 Look! There's the Sheriff. 5 00:00:20,684 --> 00:00:23,175 Three years from now he'll die of emphysema. 6 00:00:23,220 --> 00:00:27,384 % He'll die of emphysema % 7 00:00:27,424 --> 00:00:30,916 % Three years from now % 8 00:00:30,961 --> 00:00:34,522 That large building over there is Dan Halen's Sheetrock. 9 00:00:34,565 --> 00:00:38,695 They specialize in sheetrock, sheetrock mud, sheetrock screws... 10 00:00:38,736 --> 00:00:41,705 pharmaceuticals, petroleum, global mass media... 11 00:00:41,739 --> 00:00:45,038 third world covert military operations, and... 12 00:00:45,075 --> 00:00:46,406 The baby hammock! 13 00:00:47,912 --> 00:00:50,176 There's got to be a better way. 14 00:00:50,214 --> 00:00:51,306 There is! 15 00:00:51,348 --> 00:00:53,339 Just connect the razor sharp hooks... 16 00:00:53,384 --> 00:00:56,080 to the dangerous mesh cocoon, and presto! 17 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,884 Another dead baby? Sue the parents! 18 00:01:01,058 --> 00:01:03,754 Take them for every dime. 19 00:01:03,794 --> 00:01:07,195 By calling the baby hammock a baby deathtrap... 20 00:01:07,231 --> 00:01:10,098 the parents had violated Dan Halen's copyright 21 00:01:10,134 --> 00:01:14,070 on the term ''baby deathtrap,'' which he was already using for... 22 00:01:14,104 --> 00:01:16,072 The baby deathtrap! 23 00:01:17,107 --> 00:01:19,837 There's got to be a better way. 24 00:01:19,877 --> 00:01:21,310 There is! 25 00:01:21,345 --> 00:01:24,405 Just place your baby next to the magical electromonkey. 26 00:01:24,448 --> 00:01:27,849 % Oh, go on, they don't care about that % 27 00:01:27,885 --> 00:01:29,147 % Let it go % 28 00:01:30,254 --> 00:01:31,278 All right. 29 00:01:31,322 --> 00:01:33,882 So who else lives here? 30 00:01:33,924 --> 00:01:35,448 There's Space Baby. 31 00:01:36,493 --> 00:01:38,154 And Snakeman. 32 00:01:40,264 --> 00:01:43,995 Can't see who he's talking to. 33 00:01:44,034 --> 00:01:46,002 lt doesn't really matter. 34 00:01:46,837 --> 00:01:50,329 That boy is Billy Morton, star of the football team. 35 00:01:50,374 --> 00:01:53,673 Your daddy whittled you some fine limbs, son. 36 00:01:53,711 --> 00:01:54,837 Watch this. 37 00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:03,311 - They're talking playoffs this year. - Well, l better get to practice, Sheriff. 38 00:02:03,354 --> 00:02:06,619 - Stay sweet, Billy. - l will, Sher-- 39 00:02:08,626 --> 00:02:11,060 Damn it! There goes the season. 40 00:02:11,829 --> 00:02:15,697 This is the story of all the people that live in this mountain town. 41 00:02:15,733 --> 00:02:18,896 But mostly, it's the story of Early Cuyler. 42 00:02:20,004 --> 00:02:22,268 Sweet, divine, delicious. 43 00:02:25,042 --> 00:02:26,100 Excuse me. 44 00:02:26,143 --> 00:02:29,670 You reckon you could give me permission to date your pumpkin? 45 00:02:29,713 --> 00:02:32,204 - Get off my porch. - Get out of your house! 46 00:02:32,249 --> 00:02:34,308 How do you like that? You like that? 47 00:02:34,852 --> 00:02:38,151 Early's real story begins 15 years ago. 48 00:02:38,188 --> 00:02:41,487 % Early Cuyler was a young squid % 49 00:02:41,525 --> 00:02:46,053 % Young squid with his heart on fire % 50 00:02:46,096 --> 00:02:47,825 Early, baby, l'm gonna love you... 51 00:02:47,865 --> 00:02:51,323 till the mountains and the oceans, like, collide with the sun... 52 00:02:51,368 --> 00:02:55,327 and like everything on the Earth's dead, except for you and me and our love. 53 00:02:55,372 --> 00:02:56,930 No! 54 00:02:56,974 --> 00:02:59,704 You ain't gonna touch my front butt. 55 00:02:59,743 --> 00:03:04,271 Unless l get one of them sport radio things with the ear buds. 56 00:03:04,315 --> 00:03:06,613 And the autoreverse! 57 00:03:07,785 --> 00:03:12,449 l can't be joggin' and flippin' tapes and drink my sip. 58 00:03:14,158 --> 00:03:15,182 All right, then. 59 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:19,259 Lookit here! You give me all that money you keepin' in that damn robot box. 60 00:03:19,296 --> 00:03:22,288 - Give it to me now! Do it! Do it! - Here you go, take it. 61 00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:25,302 Now, can l please have one of them walkmans? 62 00:03:26,337 --> 00:03:29,795 - That'll be $34 if you got it. - This oughta cover it. 63 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,705 Oh, that's... Thanks, Early. 64 00:03:31,742 --> 00:03:33,972 Ain't no Early here! Give me all that money! 65 00:03:34,011 --> 00:03:35,945 Do it! Let's go! Do it! Do it! Now! Now! 66 00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:38,676 - Take it all. Just don't hurt me. - Thank you, Boyd. 67 00:03:38,716 --> 00:03:40,911 We'll see you in church. 68 00:03:40,951 --> 00:03:42,441 Bye, Early. 69 00:03:43,387 --> 00:03:46,686 That night the couple made sweet, sweet love. 70 00:03:47,958 --> 00:03:49,653 Without Early. 71 00:03:49,693 --> 00:03:52,560 Baby doll? Baby doll? You in there? 72 00:03:52,596 --> 00:03:54,996 l got some real special words for you. 73 00:03:55,032 --> 00:03:58,001 Baby doll, will you marry me? 74 00:04:00,204 --> 00:04:01,728 Yeah, l guess. 75 00:04:01,839 --> 00:04:03,966 And bring me that tape player! 76 00:04:04,008 --> 00:04:06,442 - Give it here. - Now, which end you want me on? 77 00:04:06,477 --> 00:04:08,502 You ain't get me no tape cassette? 78 00:04:08,545 --> 00:04:13,983 Oh, flip tapes l know... Flappin' cake tape capes...tape cassette. 79 00:04:14,018 --> 00:04:16,782 Camper Van Whobilly what?! Hell, no! 80 00:04:16,820 --> 00:04:18,014 Did you hear me? 81 00:04:18,055 --> 00:04:22,788 l said Bad Company, 10 from 6. Now move! Let's go, let's go. 82 00:04:22,826 --> 00:04:23,952 l'm doing it. 83 00:04:23,994 --> 00:04:26,428 You even believing this mess? 84 00:04:26,463 --> 00:04:28,397 What about a damn headache powder? 85 00:04:28,432 --> 00:04:29,592 Do your damn job. 86 00:04:32,536 --> 00:04:35,027 Sheriff, hey, it's me, Early. 87 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:40,173 Early Cuyler spent the next 15 years in prison. 88 00:04:40,210 --> 00:04:43,907 % Hard times, hard times % 89 00:04:43,947 --> 00:04:46,313 % Lord, how do they hang down % 90 00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:49,148 One and two and three and twirl. Two and... 91 00:04:49,186 --> 00:04:51,746 No, no, no. You twirl on four! 92 00:04:51,789 --> 00:04:54,917 - This ain't gon' be worth a damn. - One and two and three and twirl... 93 00:04:54,958 --> 00:04:58,086 Meanwhile, Early's dear fianc�e waited for him. 94 00:04:58,128 --> 00:05:00,995 For 1 2.14 seconds. 95 00:05:01,031 --> 00:05:04,194 Oh my God, it's even got a jog timer! 96 00:05:04,234 --> 00:05:07,260 l'm gonna be a jogger. 97 00:05:07,304 --> 00:05:11,104 And with this free one year subscription digital watch... 98 00:05:11,141 --> 00:05:17,137 l now pronounce you man of snakeish descent and... 99 00:05:17,181 --> 00:05:18,341 lordy. 100 00:05:18,382 --> 00:05:22,216 She was carrying the fruit of Early's efforts. 101 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,920 - Thank God you're here. Please help! - Not him. 102 00:05:25,956 --> 00:05:27,719 - No, wait, don't leave, no! - Him. 103 00:05:27,758 --> 00:05:29,453 Please, no! 104 00:05:29,493 --> 00:05:33,486 Unbeknownst to Early, a child was born, a son. 105 00:05:35,132 --> 00:05:38,568 - Good luck with that crap. - Go, go, go! 106 00:05:38,602 --> 00:05:40,900 The boy was left with Early's sister Lil. 107 00:05:40,938 --> 00:05:47,343 She ran a beauty parlor/boiled peanut-ery off 575. 108 00:05:48,145 --> 00:05:51,581 Look at him. 109 00:05:51,615 --> 00:05:53,583 Where's my damn chicken?! 110 00:05:55,652 --> 00:05:58,416 % Lil named that boy Rusty % 111 00:05:58,455 --> 00:06:04,485 % And she raised him up as best she could % 112 00:06:07,464 --> 00:06:10,058 Damn, Lil, that boy can perm! 113 00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:11,965 How much do l owe you? 114 00:06:15,439 --> 00:06:17,100 Hey, Lil? Excuse me. 115 00:06:17,141 --> 00:06:22,078 Did you know that moonshine is illegal in this county here? 116 00:06:22,112 --> 00:06:24,808 That's just my meth lab. 117 00:06:24,848 --> 00:06:27,180 You know what it looks like from here? 118 00:06:27,217 --> 00:06:32,519 A mortal eye of God collapsing into itself with the insatiable color of the soul... 119 00:06:32,556 --> 00:06:34,820 forever warmed in never-ending oneness. 120 00:06:34,858 --> 00:06:37,520 And listen, that's not to reject the one, 'cause l... 121 00:06:37,561 --> 00:06:38,892 l'm saved! 122 00:06:41,498 --> 00:06:43,966 Turns out Rusty had shampooed the Sheriff... 123 00:06:44,001 --> 00:06:47,437 with over half a million dollars of crystal meth. 124 00:06:47,471 --> 00:06:49,098 Smoke his head! 125 00:06:49,139 --> 00:06:53,940 So the state stepped in and placed Rusty in a more positive environment. 126 00:06:53,977 --> 00:06:57,378 When l was little, we didn't have fancy ketchup. 127 00:06:57,414 --> 00:06:59,109 We just had ketchup. 128 00:06:59,149 --> 00:07:03,381 We used to make it out in the back out of opossum tails. 129 00:07:03,420 --> 00:07:05,684 Only we just called it blood. 130 00:07:05,722 --> 00:07:08,316 ls that right, now? Well, granny, l gotta git. 131 00:07:08,358 --> 00:07:12,727 l'll have Mongolian beef, side order of sow chow chicken, spring vegetable... 132 00:07:12,763 --> 00:07:16,529 and l don't want any sesame seeds in it and the princess rolls. 133 00:07:17,768 --> 00:07:21,033 Yeah, well, that's nice, granny. l gotta go. l gotta get on out of here. 134 00:07:21,071 --> 00:07:23,596 - l'll see you later, OK? - That's God's truth. 135 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:27,599 When Jesus was president, he ate babies all the time. 136 00:07:27,644 --> 00:07:29,271 Boy, look at the time! 137 00:07:29,313 --> 00:07:33,909 Wait a minute. Was that Satan? One of them ate babies. 138 00:07:33,951 --> 00:07:35,350 OK, l gotta go. 139 00:07:40,857 --> 00:07:43,985 Well, l just had me a gizgasm. 140 00:07:46,163 --> 00:07:49,462 % Boredom and loneliness, boredom and loneliness % 141 00:07:49,499 --> 00:07:52,559 % Boredom and loneliness, boredom and loneliness % 142 00:07:52,603 --> 00:07:56,130 % Boredom and loneliness % 143 00:07:56,173 --> 00:08:01,475 % lt's lonely % 144 00:08:01,511 --> 00:08:03,342 % When you're with your granny % 145 00:08:04,248 --> 00:08:08,309 And that's when a wolf saved his life. 146 00:08:08,352 --> 00:08:10,445 And then ate his face. 147 00:08:10,487 --> 00:08:11,715 % lt's a wolf attack % 148 00:08:11,755 --> 00:08:14,553 For the next 11 years, Rusty was raised by wolves. 149 00:08:14,591 --> 00:08:16,422 l'm doing it. Look at me, l'm doing it! 150 00:08:16,460 --> 00:08:18,860 - Horribly. - No, Daddy, no! 151 00:08:18,895 --> 00:08:21,887 And then the tooth fairy will come and bring me money? 152 00:08:23,700 --> 00:08:25,600 Where's he do it? Right here? 153 00:08:25,636 --> 00:08:28,503 So, babies don't come out the butt? 154 00:08:34,244 --> 00:08:37,270 But this time it was Rusty who had the upper hand. 155 00:08:37,314 --> 00:08:40,806 Having filled his body with 300 pounds of nitroglycerin... 156 00:08:40,851 --> 00:08:44,116 Rusty blew all the wolves and much of the forest... 157 00:08:44,154 --> 00:08:46,019 into a fine brown mist. 158 00:08:47,057 --> 00:08:51,517 Fortunately for the wolves, this was but a dream. 159 00:08:52,763 --> 00:08:55,994 All right! l'm in Rush! Electric jug, baby. 160 00:08:56,033 --> 00:08:57,762 This, too, was a dream. 161 00:08:57,801 --> 00:09:00,929 Oh, God. l had the weirdest damn dream. 162 00:09:00,971 --> 00:09:03,701 l was in that band Rush. Granny was there. 163 00:09:03,740 --> 00:09:06,140 And l yelled, ''Show me your tatas!'' 164 00:09:06,176 --> 00:09:08,906 And she done it. Oh, God, and l liked it. 165 00:09:08,945 --> 00:09:12,574 - You're butt-ass naked. - No, l ain't. Oh, my God! 166 00:09:12,616 --> 00:09:13,844 Dream. 167 00:09:14,885 --> 00:09:16,284 This actually happened. 168 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,345 You so soft. 169 00:09:20,357 --> 00:09:21,449 This looks real. 170 00:09:21,491 --> 00:09:23,755 % Let's just put him here % 171 00:09:23,794 --> 00:09:25,125 OK, sure, put him here. 172 00:09:25,162 --> 00:09:27,130 % lt will be fun % 173 00:09:30,367 --> 00:09:31,561 Billy? 174 00:09:31,601 --> 00:09:33,466 - Son? - You're my daddy. 175 00:09:33,503 --> 00:09:35,368 - lt's a boy! - l got a daddy! 176 00:09:35,405 --> 00:09:38,636 l got real family, boys! l'm a daddy! l'm a dad-- 177 00:09:39,743 --> 00:09:43,736 - Daddy, l love you so much. - Hey, over here. 178 00:09:43,780 --> 00:09:47,876 - But you ain't got no hair, damn! - Don't question the work of the Lord. 179 00:09:47,918 --> 00:09:50,011 All right, l guess l love you, Daddy. 180 00:09:51,621 --> 00:09:53,248 But you call me. 181 00:09:54,491 --> 00:09:57,460 lf that don't just touch my heart. 182 00:09:57,494 --> 00:10:00,156 You done your time, Early. So, you go on. 183 00:10:00,197 --> 00:10:03,360 - You be with your kin now. - Thank you kindly, Sheriff. 184 00:10:04,368 --> 00:10:06,063 Now whose toothbrush was it?! 185 00:10:09,072 --> 00:10:11,734 That's how you deal with the unwanteds. 186 00:10:13,777 --> 00:10:18,111 That touches my heart, too. Go on, be free. 187 00:10:19,850 --> 00:10:23,547 You're just making it harder by staying around here... 188 00:10:24,788 --> 00:10:28,315 And so the squids settled into a normal family life. 189 00:10:28,358 --> 00:10:30,349 Daddy, l got a date with Tanya tonight... 190 00:10:30,394 --> 00:10:33,386 but it's the same night l'm supposed to have a date with Tara. 191 00:10:33,430 --> 00:10:36,058 And neither one of them know l'm a squid. What l'm gonna do? 192 00:10:36,099 --> 00:10:39,899 Son, come over here and sit on your daddy's knee. 193 00:10:39,936 --> 00:10:43,599 You think you're safe over there hiding behind them Hispanics? 194 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,768 Looky here. You know what this here tattoo means? 195 00:10:46,810 --> 00:10:49,677 You see this creature with the eyes in the back of his head? 196 00:10:49,713 --> 00:10:50,702 What now? 197 00:10:50,747 --> 00:10:53,716 lt means that the minute you turn your back, l'm gonna beat you! 198 00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:55,843 - No, Daddy! No! - l'll beat your ass in the yard. 199 00:10:55,886 --> 00:10:58,582 - Ain't no damn guards gonna stop me! - Daddy, stop it! 200 00:10:58,622 --> 00:11:01,523 - l've got you! Your ass is mine! - Don't you know your own kin? 201 00:11:01,558 --> 00:11:04,891 - Some boys like syrup. But l like jelly. - You're home, Early. You're home. 202 00:11:04,928 --> 00:11:07,658 You're not inside anymore. That's your boy, Rusty. 203 00:11:07,697 --> 00:11:08,721 What? 204 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,258 Daddy? 205 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:25,000 Subtitles by BloodLogic 206 00:11:25,050 --> 00:11:29,600 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 16147

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