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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:06,089 Don't worry, Princess! We're coming! 2 00:00:10,226 --> 00:00:12,228 - Iolaus, you all right? - Yeah. 3 00:00:12,228 --> 00:00:16,116 - I got a couple of moves I can show him. - I want blood. 4 00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:17,734 Ooh. 5 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,405 [ Gagging ] 6 00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,295 Wow. What did you do to him? 7 00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:49,299 I don't know, but it was really good. 8 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,545 - He's dead. - Then he died of fright, 'cause I didn't touch him. 9 00:01:02,545 --> 00:01:05,014 [ Rumbling ] 10 00:01:08,084 --> 00:01:11,821 Ares, did you do this? 11 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:16,826 Me, kill one of my most devoted disciples? 12 00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:19,212 I had serious plans for Gravus. 13 00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:23,600 And now, his murderer is gonna join him in the Underworld! 14 00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:27,420 [ Shouting ] 15 00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:36,696 [ Shouting ] 16 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,276 What is happening? 17 00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:52,745 Well, Hercules is fighting Ares. 18 00:01:52,745 --> 00:01:55,748 Over me? No, over me. 19 00:01:55,748 --> 00:01:59,219 You see, that's why I can see him and you can't. 20 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,900 You see, what happened-- Look out! 21 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:40,710 Uh-oh. 22 00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,982 [ Shouting ] 23 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:56,926 I thought you said this was over! What is it? 24 00:03:01,714 --> 00:03:04,717 I think I was better off before you two rescued me. 25 00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:06,719 Good-bye. 26 00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:22,619 Stop! Wait! 27 00:03:27,106 --> 00:03:30,443 There he is! Get him! Get him! 28 00:03:32,195 --> 00:03:35,832 Hercules! Hercules! 29 00:03:45,341 --> 00:03:49,729 [ Laughing ] Did you lose your little buddy? 30 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,015 Well, I found someone to take his place. 31 00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:54,517 [ Laughing ] 32 00:03:58,288 --> 00:04:03,076 Wait! Would ya-- Come on! Wait! What are ya-- 33 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,078 What is this? Come on! 34 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,983 [ Shouting ] 35 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,921 Is that you? 36 00:04:21,911 --> 00:04:24,414 Hercules? 37 00:04:24,414 --> 00:04:26,416 Uh, nice disguise. 38 00:04:26,416 --> 00:04:28,418 It almost allowed you to escape from me. 39 00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:31,337 Huh? Too bad it didn't work. 40 00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:40,613 Yeah. 41 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,716 [ Man Narrating ] This is the story of a time long ago, 42 00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:45,918 a time of myth and legend, 43 00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:48,955 when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, 44 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,624 and they plagued mankind with suffering. 45 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,961 Only one man dared to challenge their power-- 46 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,747 Hercules. 47 00:04:57,747 --> 00:05:01,634 Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, 48 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:04,203 a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart. 49 00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:07,840 He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera, 50 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,943 the all-powerful queen of the gods. 51 00:05:10,943 --> 00:05:12,929 But wherever there was evil, 52 00:05:12,929 --> 00:05:16,115 wherever an innocent would suffer, 53 00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:18,584 there would be... Hercules. 54 00:05:18,584 --> 00:05:20,620 - [ Screeching ] - [ Roaring ] 55 00:05:35,551 --> 00:05:36,519 Hail! 56 00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:44,260 [ Whimpering ] 57 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,131 Ares, let him go. 58 00:05:48,131 --> 00:05:50,633 [ Laughing ] He's all yours, brother. 59 00:05:50,633 --> 00:05:53,419 [ Screaming ] 60 00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:56,305 Take it easy. Take it easy. You're all right. Oh, thanks. 61 00:05:56,305 --> 00:05:59,092 It's like somebody had me by the scruff of the neck, 62 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:02,095 and then I turn around, there's nobody there! 63 00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:05,214 You! Hey! Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. 64 00:06:05,214 --> 00:06:07,116 Uh, uh-- 65 00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:10,370 you hear the one about the two Egyptians and the drunken mummy? 66 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:13,139 What? No jokes today. 67 00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:16,459 Okay. Gimme some room. Gimme some room. [ Whooping ] 68 00:06:20,329 --> 00:06:22,382 [ Groaning ] 69 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,051 [ Manic Chuckling ] Hah! 70 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,453 Look, I don't know who you are or what you're doing, 71 00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:29,455 but we have to talk. 72 00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:34,177 - Where did you come from? - Uh, I got my start at the Comedy Cave in Hellespont. 73 00:06:34,177 --> 00:06:36,996 I know, it's a dive, but, uh, you gotta start somewhere, right? 74 00:06:38,881 --> 00:06:41,134 He starts to mime, he's a dead man. 75 00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:45,388 Ares-- 76 00:07:05,975 --> 00:07:08,027 Hey! You guys in the clown suits! 77 00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:12,582 Let me out of here! I wanna talk to Hercules! 78 00:07:12,582 --> 00:07:15,985 Quiet! When the sovereign wants to see you, he'll call your numeral. 79 00:07:15,985 --> 00:07:18,871 What is this place? What's happening? 80 00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:22,708 I am not a numeral! I'm a free man! 81 00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:25,595 [ Imitating Chicken Clucking ] 82 00:07:27,597 --> 00:07:30,600 Ares, do you have any idea what's going on here? 83 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,603 I hate to admit it, but I'm as much in the dark as you are. 84 00:07:33,603 --> 00:07:37,106 [ Whooping, Laughing ] 85 00:07:37,106 --> 00:07:39,108 Annoying, isn't he? Oh, yeah. 86 00:07:39,609 --> 00:07:42,728 Yoo-hoo! 87 00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:46,566 Geronimo! 88 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:49,685 Woo-hoo! 89 00:07:49,685 --> 00:07:53,489 You gotta hand it to sis. She really knows how to make an entrance. 90 00:07:54,991 --> 00:07:57,994 [ Exhales Forcefully ] Now, that's a rush and a half! 91 00:07:59,495 --> 00:08:03,399 I was hoping it'd cheer me up, but no such luck. 92 00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:06,035 There's a big problem. Zeus is dying. 93 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:13,226 Hey, knuckleheads. Want to hear a good one? [ Laughing ] 94 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,228 That's right. Yeah. Come closer. 95 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:18,731 This is really gonna knock you out. [ Laughing ] 96 00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:24,937 And the tooth shall set me free. 97 00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:28,307 Zeus is dying, the lightning bolts, 98 00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:30,309 and this gateway opening up. 99 00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:32,195 That's no coincidence. 100 00:08:32,195 --> 00:08:35,031 He barely had the strength to break it up between you two. 101 00:08:35,031 --> 00:08:38,434 You go tell Zeus, if I'm gonna help him, he's gotta help me find Iolaus. 102 00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:42,889 I'll go too. I wanna get to the bottom of this. 103 00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:44,891 If something where-- 104 00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:48,794 [ Gasping ] 105 00:08:50,162 --> 00:08:53,900 he came from is killing the old man, 106 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:58,271 I might be next. 107 00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:01,591 Herc, I know things have never been exactly copacetic between you two, 108 00:09:01,591 --> 00:09:05,528 but maybe you oughta think about paying him a visit. 109 00:09:05,528 --> 00:09:10,483 Well, we have had our problems, but I always thought there'd be time to work things out. 110 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:13,970 Tell Zeus that I'll do what I can. 111 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,132 - [ Screams ] - Hi. 112 00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:29,552 Oh, please, please, make it fast and painless! 113 00:09:29,552 --> 00:09:33,489 I mean, I know I got a little pain coming, but please, make it fast! 114 00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:35,491 Come on, come on. Get up, get up. 115 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:38,394 Don't you understand? This is not where you came from. 116 00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:41,314 I'm not who you think I am. 117 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:45,318 Oh, I get it! I should be happy because I've escaped from that monster! 118 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,220 What monster? Who were you running from? 119 00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:51,591 You. Me? 120 00:09:53,075 --> 00:09:55,578 [ Cries Out ] Oh, you! 121 00:09:55,578 --> 00:09:57,580 Just the guy I was looking for! 122 00:09:57,580 --> 00:09:59,582 Hercules, what is going on? 123 00:10:00,082 --> 00:10:01,584 You, uh, said that name before. 124 00:10:02,084 --> 00:10:04,587 [ Chuckles ] Hercules. 125 00:10:04,587 --> 00:10:06,589 My mother called me that. 126 00:10:06,589 --> 00:10:09,091 You see, this is good! Go with this! 127 00:10:09,592 --> 00:10:12,094 Think of Alcmene. Alcmene? 128 00:10:12,094 --> 00:10:14,096 She abandoned me! 129 00:10:14,597 --> 00:10:16,599 [ Shouting ] 130 00:10:21,604 --> 00:10:23,606 Okay. Uh, you know, something tells me... 131 00:10:24,106 --> 00:10:25,608 you're not the guy I was looking for. 132 00:10:26,108 --> 00:10:28,611 Oh, my goodness. Where has the day gone? I better be going. 133 00:10:28,611 --> 00:10:31,113 Yaah! Getting cold feet, are we? 134 00:10:31,113 --> 00:10:35,618 Uh-- Well, think how I must feel on my wedding day! 135 00:10:36,118 --> 00:10:38,120 Ah, I'm lucky to have you as a best man! 136 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,122 Come on! [ Coughing ] 137 00:10:40,122 --> 00:10:44,627 Oh, come on. Me, a tyrant? You're joking, right? 138 00:10:45,127 --> 00:10:49,131 No, no. You're-You're a heartless psycho that'd kill at the drop of a mood swing! 139 00:10:49,131 --> 00:10:52,618 Really? Mmm. Look! Need I say more? 140 00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:56,038 Oh, uh, nobody killed him. He just... keeled over. 141 00:10:56,038 --> 00:10:59,959 You're just in time for the unveiling of my newest exhibition. 142 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:03,913 That's sick. Inspired, isn't it? 143 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:08,801 The leader of the rebels who are plotting against me, gutted and stuffed for all to see. 144 00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:12,772 - Wait a minute. - I know this guy! 145 00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:17,276 You do? Yeah. Only, the last time I saw him, 146 00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:20,780 the sovereign had him-- 147 00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:23,282 Did this happen before you came through the gateway? 148 00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:27,286 Mmm. Then that explains how Gravus died. 149 00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:30,289 There must be one of everybody on both worlds, 150 00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:32,291 and when one dies-- 151 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:36,245 The other one dies at the same time. 152 00:11:36,746 --> 00:11:38,564 That has to be it. 153 00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:42,551 Ah, we could stay here and admire this all day. 154 00:11:43,052 --> 00:11:46,055 But we've got a wedding to get to. Let's go. 155 00:11:46,055 --> 00:11:48,541 But I keep telling you, I switched places with your Iolaus. 156 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,544 I'm not the guy that's supposed to be here. You always make me laugh. 157 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:55,047 There'll be a place for you in Olympus after I'm hitched to the queen of the gods. 158 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,550 You're marrying Hera? 159 00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,052 The Goddess of Music? Don't be ridiculous. 160 00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:03,055 You know very well I'm marrying Aphrodite. 161 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:07,059 Aphrodite's queen. Okay. But wait! 162 00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:10,996 But doesn't that mean Aphrodite's married already? 163 00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:13,499 I mean, Zeus is still king of the gods, isn't he? 164 00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:16,001 Of course, Zeus is king! 165 00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:19,004 Why are you asking these idiotic questions? 166 00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:22,007 Start acting like yourself and start amusing me, or I swear-- 167 00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:25,528 Sovereign! The queen wishes an audience. 168 00:12:25,528 --> 00:12:27,530 [ Exhales ] Aah! 169 00:12:27,530 --> 00:12:30,966 Very well! Show her in. 170 00:12:30,966 --> 00:12:35,354 She could just pop in, but she likes to make an entrance. 171 00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:38,340 Great. Aphrodite's my buddy. 172 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,342 She'll help me get out of this nuthouse. 173 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,730 Aphrodite? 174 00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:46,732 You're all covered up! 175 00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:49,235 Ooh! Watch your mouth. 176 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:55,074 That's my blushing bride. 177 00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:59,261 He has a point. It wouldn't kill you to let it all hang out. 178 00:12:59,261 --> 00:13:02,131 Please, no. It's not ladylike. 179 00:13:04,049 --> 00:13:05,918 Aphrodite's shy. Wow. 180 00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:09,355 My dear, it gets so empty... 181 00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:12,858 with you gone to Olympus. 182 00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:15,344 How is Father? 183 00:13:15,344 --> 00:13:18,347 I'm afraid you know all too well! Zeus is dying. 184 00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:22,218 - [ Gasps ] - Zeus is dying? 185 00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:24,220 Unbelievable. I've come to ask... 186 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,156 that you call off this farce of a wedding before it's too late. 187 00:13:27,156 --> 00:13:31,093 You mean, too late for your precious Zeus. 188 00:13:31,594 --> 00:13:33,596 Have you forgotten our pact? 189 00:13:33,596 --> 00:13:39,051 Marry me, and I'll provide the cure for the poison... 190 00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:41,053 that's killing him. 191 00:13:41,053 --> 00:13:46,375 Then I'll get to work slaughtering every last puny mortal who opposes me... 192 00:13:46,375 --> 00:13:48,878 and leave the world to my worshippers, 193 00:13:48,878 --> 00:13:51,363 while we... 194 00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:54,850 reign as King and Queen of Olympus... 195 00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:56,852 for eternity. 196 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,539 You're a goddess! Why don't you stand up to him? 197 00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:03,959 [ Gasps ] Because she knows better! 198 00:14:03,959 --> 00:14:06,462 As should you. 199 00:14:06,462 --> 00:14:10,916 I may be a cur, but I'm the cur with the cure. 200 00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:14,403 I like that. [ Groans ] 201 00:14:14,403 --> 00:14:16,405 Now, go. 202 00:14:16,906 --> 00:14:18,791 You have a wedding to prepare for. 203 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,944 And then we're off to Olympus to launch my plan. 204 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,446 I have waited long enough. 205 00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:27,366 And by the way, 206 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,803 I'm looking forward to the honeymoon. 207 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,125 You are insane! Oh, thank you. 208 00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:41,080 Imagine, a bastard like me reigning supreme as king of the gods. 209 00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:49,455 It's not gonna be as long as you think. 210 00:14:58,030 --> 00:14:59,531 [ Screaming ] 211 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:05,821 You're not gonna punish me, are you? 212 00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,823 You wish. 213 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:11,810 Xena? You're with him? 214 00:15:14,964 --> 00:15:18,267 When I want a eunuch, I'll ask for you. 215 00:15:21,303 --> 00:15:24,807 I see you brought a new love toy. 216 00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:29,295 Oh, Sov, you're so-- 217 00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:31,297 you're so good when you're bad. 218 00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:44,093 Ow! Oh, I could play like this all day. 219 00:15:44,093 --> 00:15:48,080 Unfortunately, I gotta get married. 220 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,082 Oh, that's all right. 221 00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:53,585 We'll have plenty of time to play after the honeymoon. 222 00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:55,988 Whoo! [ Giggling ] 223 00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:02,244 Don't ever let her change you. 224 00:16:02,244 --> 00:16:06,382 If she has her way, you'll be wearing a maid's outfit and a collar. 225 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,500 [ Chuckling ] Sounds more like your style, 226 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:11,503 not Aphrodite's. 227 00:16:25,034 --> 00:16:27,953 Their foreplay's gonna get me killed! 228 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:33,325 Okay. Enough for now. 229 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,327 [ Purring ] Ah! 230 00:16:39,314 --> 00:16:41,316 [ Chuckling ] 231 00:16:42,317 --> 00:16:44,319 Oh, I almost forgot. 232 00:16:44,319 --> 00:16:48,223 I need a token of my undying love to present Aphrodite at the wedding. 233 00:16:48,223 --> 00:16:51,610 Not that one. It's my favorite. 234 00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:55,114 This will do. Here! 235 00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:57,616 Sit on it till the wedding! 236 00:16:57,616 --> 00:17:01,120 You're not gonna forget me when you're married to her, are you? 237 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,122 [ Chuckles ] Don't worry. 238 00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:06,108 You'll be riding my coattails straight into Olympus, 239 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,327 like you planned all along, right? 240 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:11,080 Little old me? [ Chuckling ] 241 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:15,384 Ahh! She's quite a doll, isn't she? 242 00:17:15,384 --> 00:17:18,387 There's a world of scheming going on behind those baby blues. 243 00:17:18,387 --> 00:17:22,641 If you mean, where would your plan be without my secret stash of hind blood, then-- 244 00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:27,212 I guess you do kinda need me. 245 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:30,666 Oh, but-- Wait! Wait a minute. Let me get this straight! 246 00:17:30,666 --> 00:17:33,102 Go make yourself useful! 247 00:17:33,102 --> 00:17:35,604 Throw me a... bachelor party or something. 248 00:17:37,106 --> 00:17:40,109 Whoa, baby. 249 00:17:40,109 --> 00:17:42,094 [ Shrieks ] 250 00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:45,597 [ Chuckles ] You are gonna scream now. 251 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:55,991 Hey. Not so fast. 252 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:59,495 Ares. Ares, this is, uh, 253 00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,498 a new look for you. 254 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:05,484 What did you expect? I am the God of Love. 255 00:18:15,110 --> 00:18:17,112 That's better. 256 00:18:17,613 --> 00:18:19,615 Now it's a love thing. 257 00:18:22,117 --> 00:18:24,119 I got a favor to ask. 258 00:18:31,326 --> 00:18:34,830 Poor sis is being bullied into marrying the sovereign. 259 00:18:34,830 --> 00:18:38,333 All of Olympus is helpless as long as Xena keeps him supplied with hind's blood. 260 00:18:38,333 --> 00:18:43,338 Now, if you could keep close tabs, maybe find out where she's hiding it-- 261 00:18:43,839 --> 00:18:45,808 Look, I'll do what I can. 262 00:18:45,808 --> 00:18:48,944 But you have to understand, I'm not the Iolaus you think I am. 263 00:18:49,444 --> 00:18:51,313 We switched places. I'm from another world. 264 00:18:51,313 --> 00:18:55,050 And you know? It'd really help if you stood up to the sovereign yourself sometime. 265 00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:58,020 Oh, it is times like this... 266 00:18:58,020 --> 00:19:03,025 I regret the fact... that I'm a lover, not a fighter. 267 00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,012 Okay. 268 00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:12,017 Look, if the Hercules here is the same as the Hercules back there, then he can't be all bad. 269 00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:17,022 I'll just have to appeal to that part of him that's hidden deep inside. 270 00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:19,892 I'll be forever grateful. 271 00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,860 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 272 00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:25,364 Who's the God of War around here? Shh! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 273 00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,366 Don't even think about him. 274 00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:32,588 The last thing we need around here is that maniac Cupid showing up. 275 00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:35,390 [ Shudders ] 276 00:19:35,390 --> 00:19:38,393 Cupid, God of War. 277 00:19:38,894 --> 00:19:40,779 Weird. 278 00:19:40,779 --> 00:19:44,683 Then I was looking behind me, and I could see these horses, and they were catching up, 279 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:48,937 and then I felt like someone grabbed me by the neck, and then I was here. 280 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:55,244 - Well? - He's worse. 281 00:19:55,244 --> 00:19:58,197 I tried feeding him ambrosia broth. He could barely keep it down. 282 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:02,784 Ares, you and I are gonna have to give Zeus a good, swift kick. 283 00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:05,771 - Meaning? - Talking to Ares, huh? 284 00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:08,156 Saying a little prayer to the God of Love? 285 00:20:08,156 --> 00:20:11,376 Me, the God of Love? [ Chuckling ] 286 00:20:15,397 --> 00:20:18,634 Hi, there. Name's Aphrodite, 287 00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:23,222 and the, uh, walking bad attitude is Ares. 288 00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:26,942 Ares! Ugh. 289 00:20:26,942 --> 00:20:29,344 What's with the basic black? 290 00:20:29,344 --> 00:20:32,130 Last time I saw you, you were convening the summer of love. 291 00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:34,733 [ Zapping ] [ Groaning ] 292 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:38,170 - Insolent toad! -[ Hercules ] That's enough, Ares. 293 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:41,890 You want a fight, I'm your man. 294 00:20:41,890 --> 00:20:45,644 [ Groaning ] You wanna have at it again? 295 00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:47,913 Why? What are you up to? 296 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:50,882 Well, a little divine intervention. 297 00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:55,270 Like getting Zeus to throw another lightning fit and reopen the gateway. 298 00:20:55,270 --> 00:20:57,256 Yep. 299 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,758 Ordinarily, I'd jump at a chance like this, 300 00:21:00,158 --> 00:21:03,745 but, uh, the prospect of Zeus dying... 301 00:21:03,745 --> 00:21:06,248 is not something I'd considered. 302 00:21:06,248 --> 00:21:09,835 Maybe it's time for the old man to step aside for some new blood, huh? 303 00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:13,689 - And I wonder who that would be. - Who better? 304 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,691 Ares, he's your father. 305 00:21:17,559 --> 00:21:19,511 He always liked you two better than me! 306 00:21:21,997 --> 00:21:25,050 I'm outta here. 307 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:31,873 Ares, the God of Love. 308 00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:36,378 Weird. 309 00:21:43,368 --> 00:21:46,371 Where's my food taster? 310 00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:50,375 Um, Sovereign? I'd really like to have a word. 311 00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:52,878 Later. I have to make an announcement first. 312 00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:54,880 [ Groaning ] 313 00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:02,371 Today is my wedding day. To celebrate, 314 00:22:02,371 --> 00:22:05,857 I've decided to reduce the prison population by clearing a few cells. 315 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:09,328 - Praise you, Sovereign. - You're setting them free! 316 00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:11,330 Way to go! This is good. 317 00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:15,334 Who said anything about "free"? 318 00:22:16,768 --> 00:22:18,270 Move along! Let's go! Move along! 319 00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:20,772 Come on! Release the executioner. 320 00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:46,598 [ Woman ] Stand back! [ Man ] Give him room! 321 00:22:50,052 --> 00:22:53,839 Wait! You can't do this! 322 00:22:53,839 --> 00:22:57,592 There's gotta be a better way to get your kicks. Today, of all days. 323 00:22:57,592 --> 00:23:00,846 You... are supposed to amuse me. 324 00:23:00,846 --> 00:23:03,215 You haven't been doing a very good job. 325 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:06,351 Ah. Well, hey. Give me half a chance. 326 00:23:06,351 --> 00:23:09,354 I'm a million laughs! You ain't seen nothin' yet! 327 00:23:09,354 --> 00:23:12,758 Oh, very well. Make me laugh, 328 00:23:12,758 --> 00:23:15,694 and I'll spare their miserable lives. 329 00:23:17,696 --> 00:23:19,631 [ Chuckles, Cries Out ] 330 00:23:22,033 --> 00:23:25,504 dd The sovereign is his name His game is fear and pain dd 331 00:23:25,504 --> 00:23:28,874 dd He'll watch 'em die Won't even cry He really is insane dd 332 00:23:30,375 --> 00:23:32,377 [ Groans ] 333 00:23:32,377 --> 00:23:35,347 Pitiful, pitiful. 334 00:23:38,133 --> 00:23:40,819 He's really very funny! 335 00:23:41,319 --> 00:23:43,188 [ Ares ] Oh, come on, Sovereign, give it up! 336 00:23:43,188 --> 00:23:46,491 The poor guy's pouring his heart out here. 337 00:23:46,491 --> 00:23:48,743 I've seen funnier. 338 00:23:48,743 --> 00:23:50,462 [ Maniacal Laughing ] 339 00:23:50,962 --> 00:23:55,467 This really ain't magic. They call me Herc's sidekick. 340 00:23:55,467 --> 00:23:58,386 dd If this don't work I'll be a wreck, and dd 341 00:23:58,386 --> 00:24:01,306 - And we'll all lose our necks? - Hey, that's great! 342 00:24:07,245 --> 00:24:12,734 Amazing. Shecansmile without cracking that frigid little face. 343 00:24:12,734 --> 00:24:16,588 - One of these days, I'd like to crack something of yours. - Ooh. 344 00:24:16,588 --> 00:24:19,808 dd His girlfriend Xena's crass A heartless witch, no class dd 345 00:24:20,225 --> 00:24:23,111 dd If Zeus were well, he'd cast spell and knock her on her ddd [ Screaming ] 346 00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:29,301 Oh, boy. Tough crowd. Tough crowd. 347 00:24:29,301 --> 00:24:32,204 Enough! 348 00:24:32,204 --> 00:24:34,539 You have failed. 349 00:24:37,325 --> 00:24:41,379 Let their deaths be on your head. 350 00:24:41,379 --> 00:24:43,381 [ People Gasping ] 351 00:24:43,381 --> 00:24:47,052 Stop! Please! Think about it. 352 00:24:47,052 --> 00:24:51,890 The Hercules I know, he's not a monster. He's a hero. 353 00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:56,661 Come on. Listen to your heart. 354 00:24:59,047 --> 00:25:01,550 [ Chuckling ] 355 00:25:05,854 --> 00:25:09,858 My-My heart. Now,thatis funny. 356 00:25:09,858 --> 00:25:13,995 -[ People Chuckling ] - You did it. You really did it. 357 00:25:15,864 --> 00:25:18,149 What is this? You promised me an execution. 358 00:25:18,617 --> 00:25:21,570 I did, didn't I? 359 00:25:22,537 --> 00:25:24,523 [ Gasps ] 360 00:25:32,714 --> 00:25:35,100 You said you'd spare them! 361 00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:37,536 [ Together ] Oops. 362 00:25:42,490 --> 00:25:45,427 You... could use an attitude adjustment. 363 00:25:45,427 --> 00:25:47,729 Lock him up. 364 00:25:49,047 --> 00:25:51,283 No! Come on, Herc! You can't do this to me! 365 00:26:02,127 --> 00:26:04,863 Go ahead. Make him laugh. 366 00:26:06,631 --> 00:26:09,134 You? What are you doing-- 367 00:26:12,637 --> 00:26:16,091 Shut up, scum. 368 00:26:16,591 --> 00:26:19,594 Joxer. You pack a heck of a punch in this world. 369 00:26:20,045 --> 00:26:21,997 Yeah, get him and rip his face off. 370 00:26:22,380 --> 00:26:25,383 I'm gonna enjoy tearing the sovereign's bootlicker apart... 371 00:26:25,383 --> 00:26:28,353 limb by limb. 372 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:32,490 When you're ready to apologize to the sovereign, give a yell. 373 00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:36,144 Till then, enjoy your new friends. 374 00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:43,034 Yeah, they're gone. All clear. 375 00:26:45,370 --> 00:26:47,389 Sorry, Iolaus. I had to make it look real. 376 00:26:47,389 --> 00:26:51,176 Oh, right. Yeah. That was very good. 377 00:26:51,176 --> 00:26:54,729 If they thought you were with us, you'd be dead now. 378 00:26:56,231 --> 00:26:58,733 You know, uh, 379 00:26:58,733 --> 00:27:01,236 when Gravus got killed and you ran away? 380 00:27:01,236 --> 00:27:04,222 We were afraid you'd never come back again. 381 00:27:04,723 --> 00:27:08,226 You're the rebels the sovereign was talking about. [ Man ] That's right. 382 00:27:14,649 --> 00:27:18,036 Here. You can use this. 383 00:27:18,036 --> 00:27:21,456 What for? To cut the cake? 384 00:27:21,456 --> 00:27:24,392 Quit joking. If you're gonna assassinate the sovereign, 385 00:27:24,392 --> 00:27:26,294 you better start taking this seriously. 386 00:27:26,795 --> 00:27:28,296 Me? An assassin? 387 00:27:28,797 --> 00:27:30,799 Forget it! It all depends on you. 388 00:27:30,799 --> 00:27:33,735 You're the only he trusts. You're the only one he can get close enough to. 389 00:27:33,735 --> 00:27:36,738 Now, look. He's gonna be at his most vulnerable when he says his wedding vows. 390 00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:39,708 And that's gonna be your best and last chance. 391 00:27:39,708 --> 00:27:42,210 Joxer, there's gotta be another way. 392 00:27:42,210 --> 00:27:44,713 I mean, you're talking about killing a man in cold blood. 393 00:27:44,713 --> 00:27:46,648 It's not a man. It's the sovereign. 394 00:27:46,648 --> 00:27:49,517 It's the most bloodthirsty monster in this world or on Olympus. 395 00:27:49,517 --> 00:27:53,238 Iolaus, you're our only hope. 396 00:27:56,091 --> 00:27:58,410 It's gotta be done. 397 00:27:58,410 --> 00:28:02,414 Maybe if I got a second chance, I could be more like your friend. 398 00:28:02,414 --> 00:28:04,916 More man than mouse. 399 00:28:06,918 --> 00:28:11,923 Whatever destiny you were fated for, it looks like Iolaus has stepped into your shoes. 400 00:28:11,923 --> 00:28:14,926 The shoes of an assassin. 401 00:28:14,926 --> 00:28:19,431 Oh, I'm such a spineless coward. 402 00:28:19,431 --> 00:28:23,685 I ran away from the only brave thing anybody's ever asked me to do. 403 00:28:25,470 --> 00:28:28,473 He's killing Zeus! 404 00:28:28,473 --> 00:28:30,842 And then after that, it'll be the rest of the world-- 405 00:28:30,842 --> 00:28:34,646 all except his followers, who go together to make his great master race. 406 00:28:37,098 --> 00:28:39,100 Oh, it just hit me. 407 00:28:39,100 --> 00:28:43,471 When the sovereign killed Gravus, he died here, which means-- 408 00:28:43,471 --> 00:28:46,808 If the sovereign is killed, I may die at the same time. Yeah, I know. 409 00:28:46,808 --> 00:28:49,310 I've thought of that already. 410 00:28:49,310 --> 00:28:51,696 Come on. 411 00:28:51,696 --> 00:28:55,567 Zeus isn't the only one who needs a good, swift kick. 412 00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:57,502 [ Grunts ] 413 00:29:05,176 --> 00:29:07,178 Herc, is this the time for a temper tantrum? 414 00:29:07,178 --> 00:29:10,632 It is if it gets Ares' attention. 415 00:29:10,632 --> 00:29:12,634 Ares, you fake! You're a coward! 416 00:29:12,634 --> 00:29:16,020 Yeah! Yeah! Come on, Ares! Get down here! 417 00:29:16,020 --> 00:29:18,690 [ Hercules ] I'm calling you out, Ares! 418 00:29:18,690 --> 00:29:20,425 [ Iolaus ] Yeah! Come out, come out, wherever you are! 419 00:29:20,925 --> 00:29:24,929 Ares, this whole basic black thing is like, so five minutes ago. 420 00:29:26,931 --> 00:29:29,400 [ Squeals ] 421 00:29:34,272 --> 00:29:37,275 [ Exhales ] Well, 422 00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:39,277 have you made up your mind? 423 00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:43,281 This won't mean anything to you, 424 00:29:43,281 --> 00:29:46,284 but where I come from, your sovereign is-- 425 00:29:46,284 --> 00:29:48,286 is the best man I know. 426 00:29:48,286 --> 00:29:50,789 And don't tell me the stakes. I know what they are-- 427 00:29:50,789 --> 00:29:54,292 genocide, the end of the world as we know it-- 428 00:29:54,292 --> 00:29:56,161 both our worlds. 429 00:29:56,161 --> 00:29:58,663 And it's not as if I haven't taken a life before. 430 00:29:58,663 --> 00:30:03,168 It's just, it's always been in self-defense. Never in-- 431 00:30:03,168 --> 00:30:05,170 Never in cold blood. 432 00:30:05,670 --> 00:30:07,672 [ Exhales ] 433 00:30:07,672 --> 00:30:10,675 Whatever we've become, it's what the sovereign made us. 434 00:30:10,675 --> 00:30:14,095 But if we've become as cold-blooded as him, 435 00:30:15,597 --> 00:30:17,999 then so be it. 436 00:30:17,999 --> 00:30:20,485 Yeah, it's really simple, isn't it? 437 00:30:20,485 --> 00:30:23,988 Yeah. In order to save the world, 438 00:30:24,489 --> 00:30:26,491 I've got to kill my best friend... 439 00:30:26,491 --> 00:30:28,493 and all the future good he would have done. 440 00:30:31,930 --> 00:30:35,416 In your heart, you know it's the only way. 441 00:30:37,418 --> 00:30:41,422 What would Hercules say if he was here? 442 00:30:41,422 --> 00:30:44,425 He'd tell me to-- 443 00:30:44,425 --> 00:30:46,928 to do what's best for the greater good. 444 00:30:49,430 --> 00:30:51,933 Okay. I'll do it. 445 00:30:59,924 --> 00:31:01,926 Guards! 446 00:31:04,429 --> 00:31:07,432 I'm ready to apologize. 447 00:31:07,432 --> 00:31:09,434 Take me to the sovereign. 448 00:31:13,638 --> 00:31:15,640 [ Grunting ] 449 00:31:20,845 --> 00:31:23,231 All right! That's enough! 450 00:31:24,599 --> 00:31:27,418 Ah! I'm just gettin' started! 451 00:31:28,419 --> 00:31:31,272 He's really mad! Look! 452 00:31:31,272 --> 00:31:33,758 He's got smoke coming out of his ears. 453 00:31:33,758 --> 00:31:37,161 Ares, don't wig out on us. 454 00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:44,836 That's it, pretty boy! Let's step outside! 455 00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:07,342 Glad you could make it. 456 00:32:07,342 --> 00:32:10,345 I'd hate to disappoint you. Mmm. 457 00:32:10,345 --> 00:32:13,815 dddd [ "Here Comes The Bride" In Minor Key ] 458 00:32:17,251 --> 00:32:19,504 [ Xena ] You look lovely in virginal black. 459 00:32:21,723 --> 00:32:25,159 About old Zeus-- is it true that he throws those thunderbolts... 460 00:32:25,159 --> 00:32:28,162 'cause they're the only thing about him big and stiff? 461 00:32:29,163 --> 00:32:31,532 Well, is it? 462 00:32:37,455 --> 00:32:41,659 It is my sad duty to join this man and this woman... 463 00:32:41,659 --> 00:32:43,628 in unholy matrimony. 464 00:32:44,145 --> 00:32:46,147 If anyone present objects to this union, 465 00:32:46,564 --> 00:32:49,801 speak now or forever hold your peace. 466 00:32:49,801 --> 00:32:52,286 Please, someone. Speak. 467 00:32:52,286 --> 00:32:54,572 [ Clearing Throat ] 468 00:32:56,074 --> 00:32:58,409 [ Men Growling ] 469 00:32:59,827 --> 00:33:02,030 Nope. Nobody objects. 470 00:33:04,048 --> 00:33:07,335 - Get on with it. - Do you have the necklace? 471 00:33:08,803 --> 00:33:11,706 - You're on, fool. - Oh. 472 00:33:11,706 --> 00:33:14,625 - [ Grunts ] - [ Screaming ] 473 00:33:31,025 --> 00:33:33,478 Thank you. 474 00:33:43,654 --> 00:33:45,656 My bride. 475 00:33:47,492 --> 00:33:50,978 We are going to rule supreme, 476 00:33:50,978 --> 00:33:52,463 you and I, 477 00:33:52,930 --> 00:33:54,932 [ Blowing Loudly ] with all Olympus at our feet, 478 00:33:54,932 --> 00:33:57,935 all mankind at our mercy. It's so beautiful. 479 00:33:59,437 --> 00:34:01,889 I now regretfully pronounce you... 480 00:34:01,889 --> 00:34:05,159 king and queen. 481 00:34:05,643 --> 00:34:09,130 Ugh! Oh, go ahead. Fight me. 482 00:34:09,130 --> 00:34:11,132 I'll enjoy it. 483 00:34:12,517 --> 00:34:14,519 Forgive me, Hercules. 484 00:34:16,788 --> 00:34:19,006 I didn't think you had it in you, old friend. 485 00:34:19,507 --> 00:34:21,526 - [ Knuckles Cracking ] - [ Yelling ] 486 00:34:43,931 --> 00:34:46,184 Fun's over. 487 00:34:58,563 --> 00:35:00,965 [ Both Yelling ] 488 00:35:08,823 --> 00:35:11,609 Thanks! It worked! 489 00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:16,364 I helped him? 490 00:35:26,691 --> 00:35:29,560 I'm sorry. Did that hurt? 491 00:35:30,962 --> 00:35:33,848 No, but that did. [ Yelling ] 492 00:35:35,633 --> 00:35:38,102 Get up there! That crowd's in an ugly mood! 493 00:35:38,102 --> 00:35:40,104 Yes, sir! Hurry! 494 00:35:40,104 --> 00:35:44,041 - What's happening? - Somebody was foolish enough to try and kill the sovereign. 495 00:35:44,041 --> 00:35:46,978 Now he's paying the price. 496 00:35:46,978 --> 00:35:49,914 It's a diversion. Look, make me a deal, 497 00:35:49,914 --> 00:35:52,817 and I'll-- I'll finger the real assassin. 498 00:35:54,702 --> 00:35:57,705 If you know something, you'll spill it, 499 00:35:57,705 --> 00:36:00,658 or I'll-- Okay, okay. It's, um-- It's-- 500 00:36:04,312 --> 00:36:06,314 Let's go! Come on! 501 00:36:11,169 --> 00:36:14,055 Aah! 502 00:36:14,055 --> 00:36:16,958 I am very disappointed in you. 503 00:36:16,958 --> 00:36:18,960 Hey. 504 00:36:42,033 --> 00:36:46,037 Aah! Get off of me, you witch! 505 00:37:10,011 --> 00:37:12,013 Get out of here! 506 00:37:33,985 --> 00:37:36,354 I noticed before-- you're awfully fond of that pendant. 507 00:37:36,354 --> 00:37:39,190 Well, a girl's nothing without her baubles. 508 00:37:39,190 --> 00:37:42,310 The Xena I know is a lot smarter than that. My guess-- you are too! 509 00:37:44,645 --> 00:37:47,648 Gimme, gimme. Yeah. Like I thought. 510 00:37:48,065 --> 00:37:50,451 This is the hind's blood you're using to poison Zeus with. 511 00:37:50,451 --> 00:37:53,871 He's got the hind's blood! Get him! 512 00:37:57,558 --> 00:37:59,510 Quick! They've lost their secret weapon! 513 00:37:59,510 --> 00:38:01,912 Show them your stuff! 514 00:38:01,912 --> 00:38:03,914 With pleasure. 515 00:38:12,506 --> 00:38:14,809 I'll get you, little goddess! 516 00:38:16,060 --> 00:38:17,762 Eat cake, baby! 517 00:38:23,701 --> 00:38:26,203 Why, I oughta-- [ Screeching ] 518 00:38:28,155 --> 00:38:31,926 Empty calories are no calories! 519 00:38:54,715 --> 00:38:56,584 Release the executioner! 520 00:38:56,584 --> 00:38:58,753 Yeah! 521 00:39:14,118 --> 00:39:16,020 Chill out. 522 00:39:23,994 --> 00:39:27,998 Where's that Trojan elephant that stopped me? 523 00:39:37,341 --> 00:39:39,160 Good-bye. 524 00:39:43,814 --> 00:39:45,833 Hercules did it. I gotta go. 525 00:39:46,333 --> 00:39:47,835 We'll take it from here. 526 00:39:48,285 --> 00:39:50,304 Go with the gods. 527 00:40:10,558 --> 00:40:14,061 Guys, I think we should talk. 528 00:40:23,387 --> 00:40:26,457 Guess I had more skills than I thought. 529 00:40:28,242 --> 00:40:30,528 [ Whimpering ] I don't know... 530 00:40:31,028 --> 00:40:33,030 if I can be a hero when I get back! 531 00:40:33,030 --> 00:40:35,950 But I'm gonna try! That's all any of us can do! 532 00:40:36,450 --> 00:40:39,453 Good luck, my friend! Thanks! 533 00:40:48,929 --> 00:40:50,931 No! 534 00:40:52,933 --> 00:40:54,435 Ha-ha! 535 00:40:58,606 --> 00:41:00,608 Run, Iolaus! 536 00:41:04,161 --> 00:41:06,947 [ Whimpering ] 537 00:41:18,759 --> 00:41:21,128 No. 538 00:41:23,948 --> 00:41:28,152 No-o-o! 539 00:41:38,045 --> 00:41:42,049 Hercules, you have no idea how close it was. 540 00:41:42,049 --> 00:41:44,552 He has a pendant full of hind blood. 541 00:41:44,552 --> 00:41:47,054 Hind blood? 542 00:41:47,054 --> 00:41:50,558 Well, hopefully he's trapped between both worlds now. 543 00:41:50,558 --> 00:41:52,910 Guess we better go see how Dad's doing. 544 00:41:52,910 --> 00:41:55,312 Good to have you back, curly. 545 00:41:55,312 --> 00:41:59,316 [ Scoffs ] How I hate happy endings. 546 00:42:03,971 --> 00:42:05,973 You know, 547 00:42:05,973 --> 00:42:07,975 I almost did a terrible thing over there. 548 00:42:07,975 --> 00:42:09,977 You did what you had to do, Iolaus. 549 00:42:09,977 --> 00:42:12,980 I'm just glad it didn't work out like you planned. 550 00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:16,984 So, do you think I look better with a beard or without a beard? 551 00:42:18,485 --> 00:42:20,771 Ah. 41720

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