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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:02,599 CHARLIE: Once upon a time, 2 00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:05,997 there were three little girls who went to the police academy, 3 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,157 two in Les Ange/es. .. 4 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:16,595 the other In San Francisco, 5 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:22,000 and they were each assigned very hazardous duties... 6 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,350 but i took them away from all that, 7 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,119 and now they work for me. 8 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:27,879 My name is Charlie. 9 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,152 [m] 10 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,510 Taking a whole bunch of pictures all at one time 11 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,358 made me so nervous, and this busy town! 12 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:40,834 I'm just too excited to be tired. 13 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,071 Really, Jolene, I don't know where 14 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:44,588 you get your energy from. 15 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:45,710 | wish I had it. 16 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:46,870 I feel so bushed. 17 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,189 Well, good night, honey. 18 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,357 Good night. 19 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,590 Next one’s mine. 20 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,551 [WATER RUNNING] 21 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:58,076 [PHONE RINGING] 22 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,631 Coming. 23 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,471 [SCREAMING] 24 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:28,629 BOSLEY: You flew all the way from lowa just because of a spider? 25 00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:30,831 I had to. That girl! 26 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,475 It didn't matter to her that the spider was harmless. 27 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:35,398 Why should she care that she started 28 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,033 a panic among the other contestants? 29 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,998 Are you certain the spiderwas harmless? 30 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,356 Of course it was-- I stomped on it. 31 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,313 But was it harmless before you stomped on it? 32 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,749 How should I know? I wasn't going 33 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:47,314 to let it bite me to find out. 34 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,352 If you would just settle down a little, Mr. Pawl 35 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,153 it would make it easier for us to understand 36 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,350 what you're trying to tell us. 37 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,153 It's easy for you to say "settle down." 38 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,874 You didn't have to work a year organizing the greatest 39 00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:58,479 beauty pageant the world has seen. 40 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,758 You didn't have to watch 67 gorgeous contestants 41 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,600 melt away, frightened off. 42 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,036 The girls are dropping out right and left. 43 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,118 Someone is out to ruin the pageant, to destroy 44 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,799 a national institution. 45 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,275 You've got to help us. 46 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,318 To quote Barbara, 47 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:17,516 ”Nobody... 48 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,678 no, nobodyshould rain on our parade." 49 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,315 Uh-huh. 50 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,353 Well, we will discuss it, Mr. Pawl 51 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,198 and then we will be in touch. 52 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:29,356 Well, please act quickly. 53 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:30,709 The pageant starts tomorrow 54 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,678 and we‘ve only got nine girls left. 55 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:33,830 In plain language, Mr. Bosley, 56 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:35,479 the clock is ticking. 57 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:36,476 Uh, yes, 58 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,034 we understand. 59 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,515 Goodbye, Mr. Pawl. 60 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:43,718 Bye. 61 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,513 Somehow, I never quite thought 62 00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:48,195 of the Miss Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant 63 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,038 as a national institution. 64 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,912 Well, how can you say that, Bree? 65 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,715 It's the stepping stone to the Miss Prunes title. 66 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,309 Yes, and from there, well, the sky's the limit. 67 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:02,110 Uh, were you serious about having taken the case, Charlie? 68 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:03,509 CHARLIE: A tarantula 69 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,030 intentionally placed on the pillow of a young woman? 70 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,918 Now, if that young woman had had 71 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:09,832 a weak heart, she’d be dead 72 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,673 and someone would have gotten away with murder. 73 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:13,871 lsuggest you get your acts together 74 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:15,474 and head for the pageant. 75 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:16,749 Oh, by the way 76 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,911 may the best woman win. 77 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,474 What? Wait a minute, Charlie. 78 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,911 You don't mean that we have to play contestants? 79 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,076 At least two of you should 80 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:27,191 That’s where most of the trouble hits. 81 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,516 Uh, you two better get a couple of extra bathing suits 82 00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:31,592 and of course, a pair of high heel shoes. 83 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,154 No, no, no. Wait a minute. No. 84 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,238 No. I'm not going to be a beauty contestant. 85 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:38,073 You might flip a coin-- 86 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,555 odd Angel out. 87 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,671 Oh, boy. Well, that sounds fair. 88 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:43,676 [LAUGHS] 89 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:44,676 Okay. 90 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,279 Here we go. One... 91 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,636 two... 92 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,148 three. 93 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,435 Heads. 94 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,553 Tails. 95 00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:58,796 Heads. 96 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:02,237 [LAUGHTER] 97 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:03,270 It's not funny. 98 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,232 What is that sound, Charlie? 99 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:07,909 I’m working with a physical therapist, Kelly 100 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,191 Oh, not feeling well, Charlie? 101 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,754 0h, nothing like that. 102 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:15,237 Just learning a little about the pectoralis major 103 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,110 SABRINA: Kris, Bos and l are going to meet Ben Pawl 104 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:20,953 and some of the contestants. 105 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:22,116 Why don 't you grab a bikini 106 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:23,475 and help us set up our cover? 107 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,239 KRIS: Okay lll check into my room later. 108 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:26,629 KELLY: I’ll see you at the hotel-- 109 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,229 l’ve got an interview in a half an hour. 110 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,156 WOMAN: And what are your future plans, dear? 111 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,399 Well, I hope to study brain surgery. 112 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,638 Uh, what would cause a young lady like yourself 113 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,791 to chose, uh, that profession? 114 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:52,755 Well, it-it seems to me that unless the young people 115 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,837 take up the challenge of the future 116 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,678 we can‘t move the world forward. 117 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,712 The greatest challenge I can think of 118 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,513 is brain surgery. 119 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,155 [GERMAN ACCENT] Then you give up the dancing, ya? 120 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:07,519 Oh, no. Dancing's a great form of exercise and a lot of fun. 121 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,315 I'm going to keep up my dancing no matter what. 122 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,398 And also, working at the polls on election day. 123 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,274 | feel that we should all stay healthy 124 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,630 and politically aware. 125 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:23,913 That's good. Don‘t never give up the dancing. 126 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:24,996 You know, when last year 127 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,192 lwas the queen from this Chrys-trumums 128 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:29,310 I was dancing. 129 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:34,116 You know, I give up it, the dancing 130 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:35,355 and fat comes on me. 131 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:37,796 Six pounds in one month. 132 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,799 I want you to know it's-it's a great privilege 133 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,550 to be given advice by the retiring Miss Chrysanthemum. 134 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:45,909 Thank you. 135 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,110 [SPEAKING GERMAN] 136 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:49,954 lwon't forget that if I'm lucky enough 137 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:52,236 to be awarded this title. 138 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,075 This your house, Mr. Pawl? 139 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,669 No, it was loaned to us by Mr. Cree, one of ourjudges 140 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,269 so the girls could relax while they rehearse our show. 141 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:26,749 Huh. 142 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:31,272 Say, I was wondering, since you're private eyes under cover 143 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:32,595 I thought you‘d use cover names. 144 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,677 Uh, no, no, no. Just Bosley, Sabrina. 145 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:35,710 That'll be fine. 146 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,149 And you haven't any assignment for me? 147 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,590 Someone to put a tail on? Nothing? 148 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:40,756 Uh, look, I'll tell you what. 149 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,274 Now, it's dangerous 150 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:43,390 but maybe you can help us. 151 00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,432 You think he can handle it? 152 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:48,314 I don't know, boss lady. Maybe. 153 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,079 You know karate, Mr. Pawl? 154 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,349 Uh, no. 155 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,790 That's good. We don't want dead heroes on our hands, 156 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:54,796 you know what I mean? 157 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:56,513 Okay, here's your assignment. 158 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:00,992 Now, from now on, you'll be known as Big X. 159 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,111 From this point on-- Big X. 160 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:04,150 Now, you just go about 161 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:05,515 the pageant routine normally 162 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,553 unless one of us gives you the code word Beau Geste. 163 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:09,716 Beau Geste-- you got that? 164 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:10,955 Beau Geste. 165 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:12,593 If you hear that, go to the phone 166 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:13,551 you call information. 167 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,478 Now, the operator that answers you 168 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,273 you ask her 169 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,391 for the service repair number. 170 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:22,638 That operator will be one of our people. 171 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,148 They'll know what to do. 172 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,350 You got it? 173 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:26,436 Yeah. I'm Big X. 174 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,199 Shh! 175 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,994 Code word: Beau Geste. 176 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:32,395 I call information, 177 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,955 and I ask your operative for the repair service number. 178 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,800 From this moment on 179 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,672 you make no mention of your instructions. 180 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:40,870 Oh, I understand. 181 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,070 You better, pigeon, 182 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,590 because you're into this up to your neck. 183 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,995 Okay, let's get this show on the road. 184 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:49,633 Let's get this shot. 185 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:50,989 The first thing I'd like to get 186 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,679 is a big close-up, full screen. 187 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,359 This isn't for real, is it? 188 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:55,959 I mean, this isn't really going to be 189 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:57,429 on a network television news show? 190 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,199 0h, uh, you bet it is, Mr. Pawl. 191 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,311 You see, uh, we're private detectives. 192 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,114 We got to pick up a dollar here, a dollar there. 193 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,389 Every little bit helps. 194 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,033 Okay, you ready? You ready, Mr. Bosley? 195 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,629 Right. And roll 'em! 196 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:10,995 Hi there. 197 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,510 Welcome to the Miss Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant. 198 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,592 Cut! Print! Perfect! 199 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:16,875 Thanks. 200 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:18,354 Mr. Pawl? 201 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:19,595 Excuse me. 202 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:20,716 Mm-hmm. 203 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,069 [SIGHS] 204 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,920 Do you think that'll keep him out of our hair? 205 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,030 Yeah, I think so. 206 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:27,878 That coupled with pointing this camera at his face 207 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,036 from time to time. 208 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,390 Well, let's see-- AH. and V.G. 209 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:32,430 Right. 210 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:33,789 Okay, girls 211 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,911 let's try it with the words this time. 212 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,988 One, two, three, four... 213 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:41,389 CONTESTANTS: b Hi there! Hello! It 214 00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:43,557 f We're glad That you could show P 215 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:47,469 P For the Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant It 216 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,718 A From far and near We girls came here It 217 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:57,070 fTo try to be queen Of your pageant I 218 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:58,270 I‘ Hi there! Hello! b 219 00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,755 f We're glad That you could show P 220 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:05,238 P For the Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant It 221 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,239 It Who will be queen When you are all seen P 222 00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:10,710 PA! the Chrysanthemum f 223 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,433 l‘ Festival Pageant It 224 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:18,113 It The Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant N 225 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:19,509 Bravo! 226 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:20,915 Great, girls. 227 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,309 Listen, ladies, 228 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:23,316 we're all going to be 229 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,113 on a network television news program. 230 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:26,879 [CHEERING] 231 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:27,916 Mr. Bosley, 232 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,150 he's the one with the camera, 233 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,112 and Sabrina, she's the boss lady, 234 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,435 are making a documentary. 235 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:33,948 So when the camera's rolling, 236 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,595 let's give them all the sparkle and sincerity 237 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,876 you want all your friends and relatives at home to see. 238 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:39,876 Right, boss lady? 239 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,752 Oh, right. That's right. 240 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:42,995 And this is my arranger, conductor 241 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,430 and all-around man Friday. Say hello to Henry. 242 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,318 Hi Henry. My pleasure. 243 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:48,629 Let me introduce 244 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:49,989 the contestants to you. 245 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:51,554 This young lady is here from Texas. 246 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,353 Billie Jolene. Howdy. 247 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:54,476 Hello. 248 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,193 And Debbie from London, England. 249 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:57,635 Hello. Hello. 250 00:11:57,920 --> 00:11:59,114 Grace Cooley, California Miss. 251 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:00,156 Hi. 252 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:01,310 Holly from the Empire State 253 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,316 of New York. 254 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,635 Hi. 255 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,751 and one of our late entrants 256 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,156 that I haven't even met yet. And who are you? 257 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,476 Hi. I'm Kris, and I'm from Macon, Georgia. 258 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,318 How far is that from Plains, Kris? 259 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,591 Oh, gosh, I don't really know. 260 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,480 This is the first time I've ever been outside of Macon. 261 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:18,431 This is really exciting. 262 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:19,835 SABRINA: Okay, now, we'd like to get 263 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,509 a little informal rehearsal around the piano. 264 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:29,194 Just too far away to see her good, Hubie. 265 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,276 And as the girls 266 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,033 are around the piano... 267 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,715 MAN: Big smile, big smile. 268 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,396 [GLASS BREAKING] 269 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,037 How close did you say the shot came? 270 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,117 Okay, it was about three feet to my left 271 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:48,992 and about four feet in front of me. 272 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:50,076 Maybe you're right 273 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:51,918 and they really weren't trying to hit you. 274 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,191 No, no, considering how many more bad shots there are 275 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,238 in this world than good, I wouldn't bet on that. 276 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:57,390 I don't know. 277 00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,756 They were moving right after the shot was fired. 278 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,917 And they were way back from the roofs edge 279 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,599 by the time I got to my window. 280 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,552 Now, ifthey wanted to hit me 281 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,070 why didn't they wait to fire again in case they missed? 282 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,277 I mean, they didn't know I had a gun. 283 00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:11,754 Which, I suspect, puts us right back 284 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:13,598 where we started from. 285 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:15,632 That's about right, Bosley. 286 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:19,276 And I don't care if there's only one contestant left. 287 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:20,356 The show must go on. 288 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,596 There has to be a Miss Chrysanthemum. 289 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:23,955 VVhy? 290 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,310 Young girls, sir, 291 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:31,116 grow up dreaming ofthis moment in their lives. 292 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,516 They dedicate themselves. 293 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:34,750 We've already spent all the money 294 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,508 that the sponsors have put up. 295 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,314 Good point, Si. 296 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,108 Then we all agree. We'll tell the audience 297 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,398 that the preliminary judging was held in the morning, 298 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,557 so that we could give more time to the eleven contestants 299 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,478 who are left who are our semi-finalists, 300 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,957 That's your department, Ben, you handle it anyway you like. 301 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:58,114 Oh, if you want, I can sing my winning aria from last year, 302 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:01,153 you remember, from Wagner, you know 303 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:04,000 when I wearthe hat with the horns. 304 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:14,473 CONTESTANTS: / For the Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant / 305 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:19,316 I From far and near We girls came here I 306 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,394 v” To try and be queen 0f your pageant .” 307 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,148 PAWL: I Hi therel Hello! I 308 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:27,833 h We're glad that you could show I 309 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,999 R For the Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant at 310 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,436 1” Who will be queen / 311 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,119 1” When you are all seen / 312 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:40,996 h At the Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant / 313 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:46,035 CONTESTANTS: / The Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant N 314 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,434 All right, let's try it from, uh... 315 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,079 after the crisscross, all right? 316 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:56,035 Form a straight line. 317 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,709 Good. Ready, now left foot first. 318 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,228 Hit it, Henry. 319 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,073 Five, six, seven, eight... 320 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,713 [PIANO PLAYING INTRO] 321 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,911 I‘ Hi there! Hello! A Smile, girls. 322 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,633 J‘ We're glad that You could showl1 323 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:08,716 Good. 324 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,319 P For the Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant It 325 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,478 Sing out! sing out! 326 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,797 A From far and near, We girls came here It 327 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:21,477 fTo try to be queen Of your pageant I 328 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,593 f Hi there! Hello! b 329 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:26,239 [SCREAMING] 330 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:35,590 It's out. 331 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:47,999 [BOTH YELLING] 332 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:53,918 I'll check the exit, Bosley. 333 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,037 [TIRES SCREECHING] 334 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,118 All right! 335 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:04,594 Bosley! 336 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,269 What are you doing with Kris' pigeons? 337 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:08,549 Kris' pigeons? 338 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,314 Oh... yeah, they're for a magic act. 339 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,478 Why were they skulking in that closet? 340 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:16,438 They were not skulking, Bosley. 341 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,034 Pigeons can't skulk. 342 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:19,150 Well, these can. 343 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:20,509 They were skulking in there. 344 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,159 They are skulking pigeons. 345 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:23,953 00h! 346 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,275 Uh, Bosley? 347 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:26,271 Yes? 348 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,113 Do you suppose that sandbag 349 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,112 was supposed to hurt somebody or scare somebody? 350 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,317 I don't know, I don't know, but eitherway 351 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,431 sooner or later, somebody is going to get hurt. 352 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:39,999 Well, a 50-pound sandbag or a rifle doesn't hurt anybody-- 353 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,151 it kills them. 354 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:45,398 You explain to Kris how you let her pigeons out. 355 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,628 [PHONE RINGS] 356 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,871 Oh, I'll get it. 357 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,194 Hello? Oh, sure. 358 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:58,268 For you the telephone, Herr Dearborn. 359 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,837 This is Si Dearborn. 360 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,270 This here is the money man. 361 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,160 You made up your mind about the proposition yet? 362 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:13,959 Is that your best offer? 363 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,832 You know, Mr. Dearborn, 364 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:20,750 for a man whose fried clam franchises is going to the dogs 365 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:25,795 for the want of some cold cash, you sure do dance a lot. 366 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,519 Is it yes or no? 367 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,995 All right, it's a deal. 368 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,077 Go to the men's room. 369 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:52,430 MAN: Enjoy the money... 370 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:56,554 and don't let us down, Mr. Dearborn. 371 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:58,876 I won't. 372 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,234 I believe in modesty just as much as the next girl, 373 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,398 but this is not exactly the 1940's, and besides, 374 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,592 all the girls got the lace off their dresses. 375 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,916 lfwe didn't we'd look like... 376 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,430 I don't know what we'd look like. 377 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,711 Honey, you don't wanna wear that color. 378 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,076 Oh, I kind of like it. 379 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,429 Yeah? Well, so do I. 380 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,398 That's why you're not going to wear it. 381 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,073 Why don't you try the green? 382 00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,430 I don't think so. 383 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,432 Well, try any color you want, 384 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,079 except my apricot. 385 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:34,716 I mean, you're free to choose the apricot, 386 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,639 if you want, but I wouldn't be surprised 387 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,956 if the seams just...came apart while you were on stage. 388 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,192 Things like that happen all the time in beauty pageants. 389 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,710 So embarrassing! 390 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,115 Ah, hello, there. 391 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:58,116 Hello. 392 00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,435 Fred Olsen here. 393 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,512 You're the photographer, and you're the boss, right? 394 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:02,590 Well, thank you, I guess. 395 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,273 What do you think of my little girl? 396 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:05,629 Uh, which little girl? 397 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:07,353 Well, she's not my little girl. 398 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,398 She's my number one client, Grace Cooley. 399 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,995 Just a minute, she's right here. Grace? 400 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:13,838 She called me and told me you were here 401 00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,917 and here I am to help out wherever I can. 402 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:16,950 Oh, sure, sure. 403 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:18,150 Hi. 404 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:20,830 Is that the next Miss Chrysanthemum 405 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,236 or is that the next Miss Chrysanthemum? 406 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,590 Well, uh, she's very pretty. 407 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:26,995 FRED: She's going to win. 408 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,676 Now, what I'm willing to do is give you an exclusive. 409 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,598 You key your film on Grace 410 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:33,551 then when she wins 411 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:35,193 you scoop the whole TV world. 412 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:36,310 How does that grab you? 413 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:42,470 We will give that some... serious thought. 414 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,438 What? So, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? 415 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,910 I mean, like, we set it up with charm, we're ahead, right? 416 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:48,076 Yes. 417 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:49,713 All right, look, let's talk a little money. 418 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,231 You key on Gracie, there's 50 bucks in it for you. 419 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:54,834 50 bucks? 420 00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:56,712 What do you care who you feature, right? 421 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,433 Wrong, Fred. 422 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:03,830 When I'm on top 423 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:05,678 and you come to me for a favor 424 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,916 you know what you'll get? 425 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,152 Bupkis is what you'll get! 426 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,670 Watch-- bupkis! 427 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,077 Howdy, ma'am. 428 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,153 Wonder if we might have a minute of your time? 429 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,552 I most certainly will not. 430 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:56,796 Not for a million dollars. 431 00:21:57,120 --> 00:21:59,395 [GRUNTING] 432 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:20,596 She's gone. 433 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:21,756 She's disappeared. 434 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:22,836 She's been snatched. 435 00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:24,075 What makes you so sure? 436 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:27,119 Millicent Farber never misses a meal. 437 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:28,953 Isn't this the time for someone to give me 438 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:29,917 the Beau Geste signal, boss? 439 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,276 Not yet, Ben, no, no. 440 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:33,709 My nerves can take it. 441 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,195 I've already contacted anotherjudge 442 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,119 to replace Millicent, Hazel Spaulding. 443 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,958 She's flying in tonight. 444 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,593 She's judged here before. 445 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,797 Hi, Mr. Bosley. 446 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,196 Hi, Mr. Pawl. 447 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:48,629 Hi, girls. 448 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,029 Hi, Grace. 449 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,038 Bye, Grace. 450 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:53,878 I met that kid's agent. 451 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:57,277 He says she's from a really poor family. 452 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,591 Breaks your heart. 453 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,633 Oh, yeah, it really does. 454 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:04,638 I'll be leaving for the opening festivities 455 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:05,909 in about half an hour. 456 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,634 The pageant rises when the sun sets. 457 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,472 [STRAINED LAUGHTER] 458 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,799 You think something really did happen to that judge, Millicent? 459 00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:18,553 Well, there's a, there's a chance. 460 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,068 But I don't know. 461 00:23:20,360 --> 00:23:21,236 It doesn't fit the pattern. 462 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:22,635 Up till now, everything 463 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:24,154 has been done to scare off the contestants. 464 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:26,158 Well, all we can do is stay on our toes 465 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,192 and hope for a break. 466 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,789 I'll take the camera and set up in front of the stage. 467 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:32,798 Okay, well, Kelly and l are going to be pretty 468 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:33,830 tied up with the pageant. 469 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:35,235 Maybe Bree ought to help us out backstage. 470 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:36,191 I don't think so. 471 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:37,993 I think I ought to cover the airport, 472 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:39,315 cover the newjudge. 473 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,438 I mean, if somebody did kidnap Millicent 474 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,312 they might try to grab the new judge too. 475 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:45,675 Well, that makes as much sense 476 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,234 as anything else that's happened. 477 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:48,959 If you'll excuse me, 478 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:50,508 I have to rehearse my introductory speech. 479 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:51,596 See you later. 480 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,838 Yeah... 481 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:56,798 Oh, oh, listen, I do too. 482 00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:58,348 I-I'II see you later. 483 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,108 You know they really do want to win. 484 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,516 It, uh... 485 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,916 It looks that way. 486 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,200 MAN: We ain't asking for the moon, ma'am. 487 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,790 lam worth upwards of six million dollars, young man, 488 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,035 but if I were penniless 489 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,709 I wouldn't sell my vote. 490 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,429 Help! 491 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:34,278 Help! 492 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,869 Please, ma'am, don't be doing that. 493 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:43,555 Hey, Hube. 494 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,070 Them pageant people got a new judge coming in 495 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:47,554 to replace the old biddy here. 496 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:48,949 Guess who it is? 497 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,515 You think we ought to be talking about that with her listening? 498 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:53,592 I mean, she's got us by the short hairs already 499 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:54,830 if she talks to the law. 500 00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:56,792 Hmm... True, true. 501 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,116 Come here. 502 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,191 Now, you know the name of that lady judge 503 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,590 that they is counting on being here, but wasn't 504 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:11,998 because they decided to use last year's queen as a judge instead? 505 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:13,070 Hazel Spaulding. 506 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:14,879 That's who's coming, buddy. 507 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,509 Well, we got it made in the shade, old boy. 508 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,358 Except for that old biddy in there. 509 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,232 No sweat. 510 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,670 When we call OJ, and tell him... 511 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:24,955 [CRASHING THUMP] 512 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:26,036 What was that? 513 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,390 The old biddy fell off her barrel. 514 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:32,110 [GROANING] 515 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:33,958 When we call OJ. and tell him 516 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,708 how we got everything took care of down here 517 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,228 he's going to be so owing to us 518 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:40,397 that he'll just start handing 519 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,154 her money and just keep on handing it to her 520 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:44,634 till she can't say no. 521 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,036 She says she's already worth six million, Earl. 522 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,470 Oh, well, that could be a problem, I reckon. 523 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,558 But hey, let's just take this thing one boot at a time. 524 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:54,068 And the first thing we got to do 525 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:55,628 is go see that newjudge 526 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,353 and get that all squared away. 527 00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:58,959 So, let's be moving, partner. 528 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,840 Shouldn't one of us stay here and watch the old biddy? 529 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,675 Well, now, did you ever hear of anybody or anything 530 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:07,558 getting loose from a rope that I lied 531 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,068 if I didn't want them to? 532 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:10,349 Never once, Earl. 533 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,278 All right, then, let's go, pard. 534 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:16,389 [DOOR SLAMS] 535 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,836 [IGNITION TURNING] 536 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,592 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen 537 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,074 flight 4 t 1 just arrived. 538 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:31,469 Connections for lowa City... 539 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:32,829 Miss Spaulding? 540 00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:34,758 ...Husker Junction and Beansborough. 541 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:35,870 Get your luggage ready, please. 542 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:37,149 You're Hazel Spaulding, right? 543 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:39,509 Yes. 544 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:41,836 How would you like to make $2000 cash money? 545 00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:43,513 We'd like to buy your first place vote 546 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:44,676 in that beauty contest, ma'am. 547 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:45,676 For $2000. 548 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,837 If you don't, uh, 549 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,354 we're going to have to tell your husband 550 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,312 about you and that Mr. Pawl, that emcee fella. 551 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:52,874 About how him and you, uh... 552 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:57,870 Well, about them private all-night singing lessons 553 00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,036 you and him give each other 554 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:00,230 every time you come down here 555 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:01,396 to judge one ofthem beauty contests. 556 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:02,994 EARL: We'll do it too, ma'am. 557 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,192 Take the money, ma'am. 558 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:07,629 You've got a deal. 559 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:36,718 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen... 560 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:37,950 to personally greet you 561 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,789 Freebairn 's own Chrysanthemum Festival girls. 562 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:42,990 CONTESTANT 1: Hi, there. 563 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:44,076 CONTESTANT 2: Hi, there. 564 00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:45,588 Hi, there. 565 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:47,029 Hi, there. 566 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,390 CONTESTANT 5: Hi, there. 567 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:50,835 Hi, there. 568 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:53,433 Hi, there. 569 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:54,948 Hi, there. 570 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:56,878 Hi, there. 571 00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,071 Hi, there. 572 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,118 Hi, there. 573 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:02,350 Hello! 574 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:05,708 It Hi, there hello J 575 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,434 f We're glad That you could show P 576 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,837 P For the Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant it 577 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:13,991 I‘ From far and nearl1 578 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,589 A We girls came here It 579 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,117 fiTo try to be Queen of your pageant A 580 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,072 It Hi there, hello J 581 00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:25,557 f We're glad That you could show P 582 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,997 P For the Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant it 583 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:33,068 It Who will be queen When you're all seen P 584 00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:37,558 hAt the Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant it 585 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:42,709 It The Chrysanthemum Festival Pageant N 586 00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,912 [APPLAUSE] 587 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,830 And here they are! 588 00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:52,991 Our bevy of loveliness! 589 00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:55,953 Our first semi-finalist is Miss Kris Munroe. 590 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:57,275 Kris is from the home state 591 00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:59,312 of our president, Mr. Jimmy Carter 592 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,636 Miss Lillian's baby boy, God bless him. 593 00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:03,359 Kris is from Macon, Georgia, 594 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:05,995 a true belle of the old south. 595 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:07,235 Her big dream is 596 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,273 to become our queen, Miss Chrysanthemum Festival 597 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,511 and then go on to help mankind. 598 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:14,472 Hi, y'all. 599 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:16,318 [GIGGLES] 600 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,518 Let's start off this most important interview 601 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:20,994 with an easy question, Kris. 602 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:23,311 What's your favorite color, and why? 603 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:24,999 Well, actually, Mr. Pawl... 604 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:26,673 I have more than one favorite color. 605 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:29,030 Well, that's all right with us, Kris. 606 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:30,554 Right, ladies and gentlemen? 607 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,353 [APPLAUSE] 608 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:40,359 My favorite colors are red, white and blue 609 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,677 because they are the colors ofour flag of freedom. 610 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,470 [APPLAUSE] 611 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:54,031 Here's our next semi-finalist, Miss California... 612 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:55,355 Grace Cooley. 613 00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,192 [LAUGHTER] 614 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,715 Here's your first question, Grace. 615 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:04,274 What is your favorite color...? 616 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,073 And why? 617 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,790 Well, lwas going to say red, white and blue 618 00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:11,559 but somebody already said it. 619 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,354 [LAUGHTER] 620 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:44,875 Yeah, C.J. 621 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,630 and the both of them is going to vote her numero uno. 622 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,480 Well, now that you've done it. I'm going to tell you 623 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:53,955 just how much my baby girl winning that contest 624 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:55,429 means to me. 625 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:59,759 As a daddy, I am plain damn proud. 626 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:03,072 As a businessman, I got stockholders. 627 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:04,873 But ain't none ofthem going to argue 628 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:06,957 that a beauty queen ain't the one to do 629 00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:09,470 our TV pink grapefruit commercials now. 630 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:10,949 And you two good old boys 631 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,435 will find a big, fat thank you 632 00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:15,751 in your en velope come payday. 633 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:17,598 Best tell him about the old biddy now. 634 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:19,074 Couldn't hear that. What? 635 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:22,397 Uh, that was Hubie talking to me, C.J. 636 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,148 Uh, C.J., we got a little problem here. 637 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,311 Well, what kind of little problem, Earl? 638 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:29,636 EARL: Well sir, it seems that we kind of .. 639 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:30,636 Well... 640 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:32,558 We kind of kidnapped an old lady. 641 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:33,636 You what? 642 00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:35,273 EARL: She was a judge, C.J., and...// 643 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:37,118 Well, she wouldn't take the money we offered her. 644 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,914 And then she started yelling and hollering and carrying on. 645 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:40,990 We didn't know what to do 646 00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:42,554 so we took her out to an old warehouse. 647 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:44,592 She ain't hurt none. 648 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:45,875 You two got less sense 649 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,037 than a hound dog trying to catch him a skunk. 650 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:49,912 That's maybe a life sentence in a federal prison. 651 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,155 Do you know that? 652 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:55,228 / am going to tell you all /'m ever going to... 653 00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:56,509 Listen good 654 00:31:56,840 --> 00:32:00,116 Now you two out that lady loose, and you go grab yourself 655 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,356 a jet plane to Europe or someplace 656 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,353 and when you light, you write me a letter, 657 00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,677 and I'll send you each $50,000 and good riddance. 658 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:10,598 I don't know you no more, you hear? 659 00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:14,754 [LIVELY COUNTRY TUNE] 660 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:23,232 JAs I walked out in The streets of Laredo It 661 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:30,232 fAs I walked out In Laredo one day P 662 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:35,196 l‘ I spied a poor cowboy 663 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:39,234 fWrapped up in white linen It 664 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:46,830 l‘ Wrapped up in white linen As cold as the clay It 665 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:55,596 A Oh, beat the drum slowly And play the fife lowly f 666 00:32:55,880 --> 00:33:03,958 A And play the dead march As you carry me along P 667 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:11,237 It Take me to a green valley Then lay the sod over me A 668 00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:17,152 J For I'm a young cowboy 669 00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:19,078 l‘ I know I done wrong J 670 00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:21,396 [SLOWER TEMPO] 671 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:28,159 J For I'm a young cowboy It 672 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:35,158 l‘ I know I done wrong N 673 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:38,956 [APPLAUSE] 674 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:09,312 I know the feel of this car like my own hide. 675 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:11,835 And I know there's maybe 110 pounds 676 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:13,792 more in the trunk than there should be. 677 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:15,115 [KNOCKING] 678 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:18,000 Best show yourself. 679 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:20,554 [TRIGGER COOKING] 680 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,196 [APPLAUSE] 681 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:39,276 PAWL: Our next semifinalist 682 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:42,154 is Miss Kelly Garrett. 683 00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:46,759 Kelly had a warm and deeply moving reaction to a friend 684 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:48,951 who injured an ankle while skiing. 685 00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:50,593 Tell us about it, Kelly. 686 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:55,829 Well... from that moment on 687 00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,998 I... I knew what we should all do 688 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:00,799 is help one another 689 00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:02,832 to realize that 690 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,151 well, we should realize that 691 00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:08,955 no man orwoman is an island. 692 00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:11,196 That we should never ask 693 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:12,879 forwhom the bell tolls... 694 00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:14,878 that we're all one 695 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:17,310 and we need each others' support 696 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,192 to be truly happy. 697 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,710 No, we should not ask for whom the bell tolls. 698 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,310 When one man is lost or woman is injured, 699 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:27,756 be it friend or stranger, 700 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:31,919 when the bell tolls, it tolls for all of us. 701 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:33,474 [APPLAUSE] 702 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,520 [GRUNTS] Now, lady, 703 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,394 what have you done in the trunk ofour car? 704 00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:45,874 Well, I'm a TV reporter, 705 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,191 and I was looking for a story. 706 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:49,595 About what? 707 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:51,836 About the scaring off 708 00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:53,878 of the contestants 709 00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:57,675 in the Miss Chrysanthemum Pageant and the... 710 00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:02,076 bribing of the... 711 00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,078 judges. 712 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,954 Hey, UI, she knows what we've been doing. 713 00:36:07,240 --> 00:36:09,595 Yeah, she does, don't she? 714 00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:13,156 Think we ought to put the hush-up on her, Hube? 715 00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,438 If you think I'm the least bit frightened 716 00:36:16,720 --> 00:36:18,199 by all this, you are sadly mistaken. 717 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:19,270 [MUTTERING] Miss Farber... 718 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:20,913 Hey, UI, you ain't considering 719 00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:23,276 blowing your head off? 720 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:25,471 No, just thinking. 721 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,433 Are you going to shoot her, UI? 722 00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:31,359 Maybe. 723 00:36:34,240 --> 00:36:35,958 Listen, old biddy. 724 00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:38,117 Things ain't going the way they're supposed to, 725 00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,675 so we're going to change our plans right here and now. 726 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,753 You say you got six million dollars? 727 00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:45,792 Well, if you want to stay alive, 728 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,435 you better give us the name of somebody we can call 729 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,955 we'll let them buy you back from us for, say... 730 00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:53,800 two million of your six. 731 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:55,035 You won't even miss that. 732 00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:55,991 That's a good idea, Ul! 733 00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:58,748 We got the name let's play the game. 734 00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:00,189 Hell, pard, we're going to get rich! 735 00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:03,432 All right, now, ma'am, who do we call? 736 00:37:03,720 --> 00:37:05,312 Nobody. 737 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:06,510 ULMER: What do you mean, nobody? 738 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,792 I'm a widow and nobody can authorize the bank 739 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,031 to pay out money for me but me... 740 00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:13,594 and I won't. 741 00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:15,632 ULMER: Well, it mlghtjust mean your life, 742 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:18,952 old biddy, and this sneaky-nosed TV lady too. 743 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,350 PAWL: And now, from New York, Miss Holly Blaise 744 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:29,955 to give us a special rendition of that famous solrloquy 745 00:37:30,240 --> 00:37:31,355 from The Merchant of Venice 746 00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,272 delivered in her own special way. 747 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:39,991 The quality of mercy is not strained. 748 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:48,437 It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven. 749 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:53,196 You reckon anybody would pay 750 00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:54,833 anything for that TV lady? 751 00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:56,309 HUBIE: She's the boss. 752 00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:58,477 She's got to be worth something to somebody. 753 00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:00,034 Hey, TV lady, 754 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:04,359 who'd pay to buy you back from us? 755 00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:05,470 Well, uh, 756 00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:07,438 my photographer might be able to arrange it 757 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,354 but, um, not just for me. 758 00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,352 It would have to be 759 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:13,874 for both of us. 760 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:15,036 Of course. 761 00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:18,118 Don't make no sense just shooting one of you. 762 00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:19,077 Right. 763 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,516 All we want is a bunch of money 764 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,119 and a chance to disappear. 765 00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:28,230 You go to him and you say, "Beau Geste." 766 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:29,714 Then you tell him what you want. 767 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,514 He'll probably want to talk to me 768 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:34,233 before he pays over any money. 769 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:36,078 You don't trust us, do you, lady? 770 00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:37,270 Not very much. 771 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,755 What is this here, "Beau Geste", 772 00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:42,548 is that some kind of Morse code or something? 773 00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:45,314 If you say "Beau Geste" 774 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:49,878 then he'll know that I was safe and sound 775 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,390 when I gave you the code word. 776 00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:53,709 Make sense, UI? 777 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:55,558 Hell, I don't know. 778 00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:59,071 These TV people got all kinds of 779 00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:00,156 strange things going. 780 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:01,674 Let's tie their hands behind them 781 00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:02,756 and get out of here. 782 00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:05,759 Now, I haven't finished my sandwich. 783 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:12,710 PAWL: And now, that lovely wizard 784 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:14,592 from Macon, Georgia 785 00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:16,518 with her own brand of southern magic, 786 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:18,916 Miss Kris Munroe. 787 00:39:19,240 --> 00:39:21,754 [MAGICAL MUSIC PLAYING] 788 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:27,791 [APPLAUSE] 789 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:09,476 [JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING] 790 00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:46,798 Now, wait a minute. What? 791 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:48,519 I'll get over there to you. 792 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:50,671 You just stay right where you are. 793 00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,353 Oh, that's very smart. 794 00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:55,837 Now, we'll just see lfwe can... 795 00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,076 Watch your hands, there, Miss Farber. 796 00:40:58,360 --> 00:40:59,270 What's that? 797 00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:00,715 Thank you, okay. Uh-huh. 798 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,956 PAWL: And now, ladies and gentlemen, but mostly you gentlemen, 799 00:41:03,240 --> 00:41:05,276 you ain't never seen sultry 800 00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,797 until you've seen Miss Kelly Garrett! 801 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:17,832 [m] 802 00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:32,272 l‘ Are there any words of praise Could not allude f 803 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:40,030 it To such a wealth Of feminine pulchritude?l1 804 00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,476 J Rosy cheeks J 805 00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:44,193 J Lustrous hair J 806 00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:48,314 J Aren't they angels Heaven shares? J 807 00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:51,398 J Da Vinci's art Could not surpass J 808 00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:56,071 J The smile of any lovely lass J 809 00:42:56,360 --> 00:43:03,357 J Could Shakespeare rhapsodize The virtue in their eyes J 810 00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:10,358 J As we hear them each Loftily moralize J 811 00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:18,360 J Beethoven could not capture The rapture that unfurls J 812 00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:26,069 J From our Chrysanthemum Festival girls J 813 00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:35,678 J From our Chrysanthemum Festival girls JJ 814 00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:42,518 Now, to help present this year's crown, 815 00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:44,353 last year's queen, Miss Candy Welsh! 816 00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:47,638 And now, the moment we've all been waiting for. 817 00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:49,990 The moment when we learn the answer 818 00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:51,554 to that magic question, 819 00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:53,114 who will be the next 820 00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:54,714 Miss Chrysanthemum? 821 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:55,876 I'm really nervous and excited, 822 00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,549 and I know the girls are. 823 00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:02,679 Ourfourth runner-up... 824 00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:06,157 and winner of a new Walsingham dirt motorcycle, 825 00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:08,670 our fourth runner up is-- 826 00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:10,757 Debbie Dowlan! 827 00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,116 [APPLAUSE] 828 00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:15,152 Beau Geste. 829 00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:16,395 What did you say? 830 00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:17,874 The man said, Beau Geste. 831 00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:20,196 Who told you to tell me that? 832 00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,869 The lady what works with you. She's kidnapped. 833 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:24,559 And we want a million dollars for her. 834 00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:25,517 Right. 835 00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:28,070 And an all-expense-paid weekend... 836 00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:29,554 Beau Geste! 837 00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:35,871 PAWL: Be right back, ladies and gentlemen. 838 00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:44,433 [CIRCUS STYLE MUSIC PLAYING] 839 00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:48,074 Whoa! 840 00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:03,354 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 841 00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:16,756 I made the phone call, Mr. Bosley. 842 00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:19,235 All right, we owe you a dime. 843 00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:22,996 And now, ladies and gentlemen, where were we? 844 00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:25,117 Oh, yes, our third 845 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:26,793 semifinalist... 846 00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:30,789 Okay, Mrs. Farber, I got my second wind. 847 00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:33,270 And we're going to try it again. 848 00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:36,154 Only this time, please don't help me. 849 00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:40,752 Oh, well, I'll try. No, don't. 850 00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:42,638 Oh, boy, am I ever glad to see you! 851 00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:45,076 I thought the next thing that was going to happen to me 852 00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:46,429 I was gonna know what it felt like 853 00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:47,875 to get shot with a .357 magnum! 854 00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:50,754 That hurts. How'd you find us? 855 00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:53,918 Our southern fried chicken boys sang like nightingales. 856 00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:57,192 Oh dear, now look, we've got to get right over to the pageant. 857 00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,112 They bribed two of the judges. 858 00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:00,429 I told you, Kelly. 859 00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:01,869 The pageant is over, Mrs. Farber. 860 00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:03,559 Oh, really? 861 00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:05,910 Oh, well, who won? 862 00:46:06,240 --> 00:46:07,639 A girl named Billie Jolene. 863 00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,593 She sang and played the guitar to "The Streets of Laredo." 864 00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,678 She's the one that they wanted to win! 865 00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:16,758 Her father paid those two men to see that she won. 866 00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,958 We know, Mrs. Farber, and the Texas authorities 867 00:46:20,240 --> 00:46:22,037 will be paying her father a little visit. 868 00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,276 She's been disqualified. 869 00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:26,630 Who was the first runner-up? 870 00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:28,279 Holly. 871 00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,597 The girl who twirled the baton and recited Shakespeare. 872 00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:33,313 Oh. 873 00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,198 You was robbed. 874 00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:37,556 Mm-hmm. 875 00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:51,069 CHARLIE: And neither one of you was even named runner-up? 876 00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:52,389 Zip. 877 00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:54,272 To quote an agent we met, Charlie, 878 00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:56,232 bupkis is what we got. 879 00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:59,193 i thought you might have already told them, Bosley? 880 00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:00,310 No, no, no, Charlie, 881 00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:02,158 you're the one who arranged it 882 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:04,032 and I thought you should tell them. 883 00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:05,389 What did you arrange, Charlie? 884 00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:06,874 Ben Pa wl told the judges 885 00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:08,559 you weren't really contestants. 886 00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:09,869 That you were professionals 887 00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:12,549 brought in to fill out the depleted pageant. 888 00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:15,872 The judges were not allowed to vote for you. 889 00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:17,559 Oh, no, after! learned that speech 890 00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:19,319 and smiled till my face hurt? 891 00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:25,476 And I paid $37 for a brand-new pair of white, tacky shoes. 892 00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:26,954 I don't think you'd better walk 893 00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:28,429 down any dark alleys, Charlie. 894 00:47:28,720 --> 00:47:30,472 You bought yourself some trouble here. 895 00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:33,274 Not half as much as id have bought myself 896 00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:35,596 if one of you Ange/s had won. 897 00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:37,871 What would I have said to the loser? 898 00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:39,758 Well, which one would have won? 899 00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:42,150 She would have. She would have. 900 00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:44,112 I'm glad I was only kidnapped. 901 00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:45,355 [THUMPING NOISE] 902 00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:48,438 That sound again, Charlie. Is your therapist there again? 903 00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,797 Oh, yes, and still hard at work 904 00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:54,310 showing me the upper body de velopment exercises. 905 00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:57,799 What about the lower body, Charlie? 906 00:47:58,080 --> 00:47:59,115 Well, actually, there doesn't seem 907 00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:00,958 to be a problem in that area. 908 00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:04,189 Isn't that great? 909 00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:07,318 Charlie's always trying to improve himself. 910 00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:10,114 The very least i can do. 911 00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:12,112 Bye, Angels! 912 00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:15,113 ALL: Bye, Charlie. 913 00:48:22,240 --> 00:48:24,390 [m] 64133

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