All language subtitles for charlies.angels.s02e05.remastered.bdp.x264-rovers-en

CHARLIE:
Once upon a time,

there were three little girls
who went to the police academy,

two in Les Ange/es. ..

the other In San Francisco,

and they were each assigned
very hazardous duties...

but i took them away
from all that,

and now they work for me.

My name is Charlie.

[m]

Taking a whole bunch of
pictures all at one time

made me so nervous,
and this busy town!

I'm just too excited
to be tired.

Really, Jolene,
I don't know where

you get your
energy from.

| wish I had it.

I feel so bushed.

Well, good night, honey.

Good night.

Next one’s mine.

[WATER RUNNING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Coming.

[SCREAMING]

BOSLEY: You flew all the way
from lowa just because
of a spider?

I had to. That girl!

It didn't matter to her
that the spider was harmless.

Why should she care
that she started

a panic among the other
contestants?

Are you certain
the spiderwas harmless?

Of course it was--
I stomped on it.

But was it harmless
before you stomped on it?

How should I know?
I wasn't going

to let it bite me to find out.

If you would just settle down
a little, Mr. Pawl

it would make it easier
for us to understand

what you're trying
to tell us.

It's easy for you
to say "settle down."

You didn't have to work a year
organizing the greatest

beauty pageant
the world has seen.

You didn't have to watch
67 gorgeous contestants

melt away, frightened off.

The girls are dropping out
right and left.

Someone is out to ruin
the pageant, to destroy

a national institution.

You've got to help us.

To quote Barbara,

”Nobody...

no, nobodyshould rain
on our parade."

Uh-huh.

Well, we will
discuss it, Mr. Pawl

and then we
will be in touch.

Well, please act quickly.

The pageant starts tomorrow

and we‘ve only got
nine girls left.

In plain language,
Mr. Bosley,

the clock is ticking.

Uh, yes,

we understand.

Goodbye, Mr. Pawl.

Bye.

Somehow, I never
quite thought

of the Miss Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant

as a national
institution.

Well, how can you say that,
Bree?

It's the stepping stone
to the Miss Prunes title.

Yes, and from there, well,
the sky's the limit.

Uh, were you serious about
having taken the
case, Charlie?

CHARLIE:
A tarantula

intentionally placed
on the pillow of a
young woman?

Now, if that young woman
had had

a weak heart, she’d be dead

and someone would have
gotten away with murder.

lsuggest you get
your acts together

and head for the pageant.

Oh, by the way

may the best woman win.

What?
Wait a minute, Charlie.

You don't mean that we have
to play contestants?

At least two of you should

That’s where most
of the trouble hits.

Uh, you two better get
a couple of extra
bathing suits

and of course,
a pair of high heel shoes.

No, no, no.
Wait a minute. No.

No. I'm not going to be
a beauty contestant.

You might flip a coin--

odd Angel out.

Oh, boy.
Well, that sounds fair.

[LAUGHS]

Okay.

Here we go. One...

two...

three.

Heads.

Tails.

Heads.

[LAUGHTER]

It's not funny.

What is that
sound, Charlie?

I’m working with
a physical therapist, Kelly

Oh, not feeling well, Charlie?

0h, nothing like that.

Just learning a little
about the pectoralis major

SABRINA:
Kris, Bos and l are going
to meet Ben Pawl

and some of the contestants.

Why don 't you grab a bikini

and help us set up our cover?

KRIS:
Okay lll check
into my room later.

KELLY:
I’ll see you at the hotel--

l’ve got an interview
in a half an hour.

WOMAN:
And what are your
future plans, dear?

Well, I hope to study
brain surgery.

Uh, what would cause
a young lady like yourself

to chose, uh,
that profession?

Well, it-it seems to me
that unless the young people

take up the challenge
of the future

we can‘t move
the world forward.

The greatest challenge
I can think of

is brain surgery.

[GERMAN ACCENT]
Then you give up
the dancing, ya?

Oh, no. Dancing's a great form
of exercise and a lot of fun.

I'm going to keep up
my dancing no matter what.

And also, working at the polls
on election day.

| feel that we should
all stay healthy

and politically aware.

That's good. Don‘t never
give up the dancing.

You know, when last year

lwas the queen
from this Chrys-trumums

I was dancing.

You know, I give up it,
the dancing

and fat comes on me.

Six pounds
in one month.

I want you to know
it's-it's a great privilege

to be given advice by the
retiring Miss Chrysanthemum.

Thank you.

[SPEAKING GERMAN]

lwon't forget that
if I'm lucky enough

to be awarded this title.

This your house,
Mr. Pawl?

No, it was loaned to us
by Mr. Cree, one of ourjudges

so the girls could relax
while they rehearse our show.

Huh.

Say, I was wondering, since
you're private eyes
under cover

I thought you‘d use
cover names.

Uh, no, no, no.
Just Bosley, Sabrina.

That'll be fine.

And you haven't
any assignment for me?

Someone to put a tail on?
Nothing?

Uh, look, I'll
tell you what.

Now, it's dangerous

but maybe you
can help us.

You think he can handle it?

I don't know, boss
lady. Maybe.

You know karate, Mr. Pawl?

Uh, no.

That's good. We don't want
dead heroes on our hands,

you know what I mean?

Okay, here's your assignment.

Now, from now on,
you'll be known as Big X.

From this point
on-- Big X.

Now, you just go about

the pageant routine normally

unless one of us gives you
the code word Beau Geste.

Beau Geste--
you got that?

Beau Geste.

If you hear that,
go to the phone

you call information.

Now, the operator
that answers you

you ask her

for the service repair number.

That operator will be
one of our people.

They'll know what to do.

You got it?

Yeah. I'm Big X.

Shh!

Code word: Beau Geste.

I call information,

and I ask your operative
for the repair service number.

From this moment on

you make no mention
of your instructions.

Oh, I understand.

You better, pigeon,

because you're into this
up to your neck.

Okay, let's get this
show on the road.

Let's get this shot.

The first thing
I'd like to get

is a big close-up,
full screen.

This isn't for real, is it?

I mean, this isn't
really going to be

on a network
television news show?

0h, uh, you bet
it is, Mr. Pawl.

You see, uh,
we're private detectives.

We got to pick up a dollar
here, a dollar there.

Every little bit helps.

Okay, you ready?
You ready, Mr. Bosley?

Right.
And roll 'em!

Hi there.

Welcome to the Miss
Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant.

Cut! Print!
Perfect!

Thanks.

Mr. Pawl?

Excuse me.

Mm-hmm.

[SIGHS]

Do you think that'll
keep him out of our hair?

Yeah, I think so.

That coupled with pointing
this camera at his face

from time to time.

Well, let's see--
AH. and V.G.

Right.

Okay, girls

let's try it
with the words this time.

One, two, three, four...

CONTESTANTS:
b Hi there! Hello! It

f We're glad
That you could show P

P For the Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant It

A From far and near
We girls came here It

fTo try to be queen
Of your pageant I

I‘ Hi there! Hello! b

f We're glad
That you could show P

P For the Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant It

It Who will be queen
When you are all seen P

PA! the Chrysanthemum f

l‘ Festival Pageant It

It The Chrysanthemum Festival
Pageant N

Bravo!

Great, girls.

Listen, ladies,

we're all going to be

on a network television
news program.

[CHEERING]

Mr. Bosley,

he's the one
with the camera,

and Sabrina,
she's the boss lady,

are making a documentary.

So when the camera's rolling,

let's give them all
the sparkle and sincerity

you want all your friends
and relatives at home to see.

Right, boss lady?

Oh, right.
That's right.

And this is my arranger,
conductor

and all-around man Friday.
Say hello to Henry.

Hi Henry.
My pleasure.

Let me introduce

the contestants to you.

This young lady is here
from Texas.

Billie Jolene.
Howdy.

Hello.

And Debbie from
London, England.

Hello.
Hello.

Grace Cooley,
California Miss.

Hi.

Holly from the Empire State

of New York.

Hi.

and one of our
late entrants

that I haven't even met yet.
And who are you?

Hi. I'm Kris,
and I'm from Macon, Georgia.

How far is that
from Plains, Kris?

Oh, gosh, I don't really know.

This is the first time
I've ever been
outside of Macon.

This is really exciting.

SABRINA:
Okay, now, we'd
like to get

a little informal
rehearsal around the piano.

Just too far away
to see her good, Hubie.

And as the girls

are around
the piano...

MAN:
Big smile, big smile.

[GLASS BREAKING]

How close did you say
the shot came?

Okay, it was about
three feet to my left

and about four feet
in front of me.

Maybe you're right

and they really weren't
trying to hit you.

No, no, considering how many
more bad shots there are

in this world than good,
I wouldn't bet on that.

I don't know.

They were moving
right after the
shot was fired.

And they were way back
from the roofs edge

by the time I got
to my window.

Now, ifthey wanted to hit me

why didn't they wait to fire
again in case they missed?

I mean, they didn't
know I had a gun.

Which, I suspect,
puts us right back

where we started from.

That's about right, Bosley.

And I don't care if there's
only one contestant left.

The show must go on.

There has to be
a Miss Chrysanthemum.

VVhy?

Young girls, sir,

grow up dreaming ofthis
moment in their lives.

They dedicate themselves.

We've already spent
all the money

that the sponsors
have put up.

Good point, Si.

Then we all agree.
We'll tell the audience

that the preliminary judging
was held in the morning,

so that we could give
more time to the
eleven contestants

who are left who are
our semi-finalists,

That's your department, Ben,
you handle it anyway you like.

Oh, if you want, I can sing
my winning aria
from last year,

you remember,
from Wagner, you know

when I wearthe hat
with the horns.

CONTESTANTS:
/ For the Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant /

I From far and near
We girls came here I

v” To try and be queen
0f your pageant .”

PAWL:
I Hi therel Hello! I

h We're glad that
you could show I

R For the Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant at

1” Who will be queen /

1” When you are all seen /

h At the Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant /

CONTESTANTS:
/ The Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant N

All right, let's
try it from, uh...

after the crisscross,
all right?

Form a straight line.

Good. Ready, now
left foot first.

Hit it, Henry.

Five, six,
seven, eight...

[PIANO PLAYING INTRO]

I‘ Hi there! Hello! A
Smile, girls.

J‘ We're glad that
You could showl1

Good.

P For the Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant It

Sing out! sing out!

A From far and near,
We girls came here It

fTo try to be queen
Of your pageant I

f Hi there! Hello! b

[SCREAMING]

It's out.

[BOTH YELLING]

I'll check the exit,
Bosley.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

All right!

Bosley!

What are you doing
with Kris' pigeons?

Kris' pigeons?

Oh... yeah,
they're for a magic act.

Why were they skulking
in that closet?

They were not
skulking, Bosley.

Pigeons can't skulk.

Well, these can.

They were skulking
in there.

They are skulking pigeons.

00h!

Uh, Bosley?

Yes?

Do you suppose
that sandbag

was supposed to hurt somebody
or scare somebody?

I don't know, I don't
know, but eitherway

sooner or later, somebody
is going to get hurt.

Well, a 50-pound sandbag or
a rifle doesn't hurt anybody--

it kills them.

You explain to Kris
how you let her pigeons out.

[PHONE RINGS]

Oh, I'll get it.

Hello? Oh, sure.

For you the telephone,
Herr Dearborn.

This is Si Dearborn.

This here is the money man.

You made up your mind
about the proposition yet?

Is that your best offer?

You know, Mr. Dearborn,

for a man whose fried clam
franchises is going
to the dogs

for the want of some
cold cash, you sure
do dance a lot.

Is it yes or no?

All right, it's a deal.

Go to the men's room.

MAN:
Enjoy the money...

and don't let us down,
Mr. Dearborn.

I won't.

I believe in modesty just
as much as the next girl,

but this is not exactly
the 1940's, and besides,

all the girls got
the lace off their dresses.

lfwe didn't
we'd look like...

I don't know what
we'd look like.

Honey, you don't
wanna wear that color.

Oh, I kind of like it.

Yeah?
Well, so do I.

That's why you're
not going to wear it.

Why don't you try
the green?

I don't think so.

Well, try any color you want,

except my apricot.

I mean, you're free
to choose the apricot,

if you want,
but I wouldn't be surprised

if the seams just...came apart
while you were on stage.

Things like that happen
all the time in
beauty pageants.

So embarrassing!

Ah, hello, there.

Hello.

Fred Olsen here.

You're the photographer,
and you're the boss, right?

Well, thank you,
I guess.

What do you think
of my little girl?

Uh, which little girl?

Well, she's not
my little girl.

She's my number one client,
Grace Cooley.

Just a minute, she's right
here. Grace?

She called me
and told me you were here

and here I am to help out
wherever I can.

Oh, sure, sure.

Hi.

Is that the next
Miss Chrysanthemum

or is that the next
Miss Chrysanthemum?

Well, uh, she's very pretty.

FRED:
She's going to win.

Now, what I'm willing to do
is give you an exclusive.

You key your film
on Grace

then when she wins

you scoop the
whole TV world.

How does that
grab you?

We will give that some...
serious thought.

What? So, nothing ventured,
nothing gained, right?

I mean, like, we set it up
with charm, we're
ahead, right?

Yes.

All right, look, let's
talk a little money.

You key on Gracie,
there's 50 bucks
in it for you.

50 bucks?

What do you care
who you feature, right?

Wrong, Fred.

When I'm on top

and you come to me for a favor

you know what
you'll get?

Bupkis is what you'll get!

Watch-- bupkis!

Howdy, ma'am.

Wonder if we might
have a minute of your time?

I most certainly will not.

Not for a
million dollars.

[GRUNTING]

She's gone.

She's disappeared.

She's been snatched.

What makes you so sure?

Millicent Farber
never misses a meal.

Isn't this the time
for someone to give me

the Beau Geste signal, boss?

Not yet, Ben, no, no.

My nerves can take it.

I've already contacted
anotherjudge

to replace Millicent,
Hazel Spaulding.

She's flying
in tonight.

She's judged
here before.

Hi, Mr. Bosley.

Hi, Mr. Pawl.

Hi, girls.

Hi, Grace.

Bye, Grace.

I met that kid's agent.

He says she's from
a really poor family.

Breaks your heart.

Oh, yeah, it really does.

I'll be leaving
for the opening festivities

in about half an hour.

The pageant rises
when the sun sets.

[STRAINED LAUGHTER]

You think something really did
happen to that
judge, Millicent?

Well, there's a,
there's a chance.

But I don't know.

It doesn't fit the pattern.

Up till now, everything

has been done to scare off
the contestants.

Well, all we can do
is stay on our toes

and hope for a break.

I'll take the camera and set
up in front of the stage.

Okay, well, Kelly and l
are going to be pretty

tied up with
the pageant.

Maybe Bree ought
to help us out backstage.

I don't think so.

I think I ought to cover
the airport,

cover the newjudge.

I mean, if somebody
did kidnap Millicent

they might try
to grab the new judge too.

Well, that makes
as much sense

as anything else
that's happened.

If you'll excuse me,

I have to rehearse
my introductory speech.

See you later.

Yeah...

Oh, oh, listen,
I do too.

I-I'II see
you later.

You know they really do
want to win.

It, uh...

It looks that way.

MAN:
We ain't asking
for the moon, ma'am.

lam worth upwards of six
million dollars, young man,

but if I were penniless

I wouldn't sell my vote.

Help!

Help!

Please, ma'am,
don't be doing that.

Hey, Hube.

Them pageant people got
a new judge coming in

to replace the
old biddy here.

Guess who it is?

You think we ought to be
talking about that
with her listening?

I mean, she's got us by
the short hairs already

if she talks to the law.

Hmm... True, true.

Come here.

Now, you know the name
of that lady judge

that they is counting on
being here, but wasn't

because they decided to
use last year's queen
as a judge instead?

Hazel Spaulding.

That's who's coming, buddy.

Well, we got it
made in the shade, old boy.

Except for that old
biddy in there.

No sweat.

When we call OJ,
and tell him...

[CRASHING THUMP]

What was that?

The old biddy
fell off her barrel.

[GROANING]

When we call OJ.
and tell him

how we got everything
took care of down here

he's going
to be so owing to us

that he'll
just start handing

her money and just
keep on handing it to her

till she can't say no.

She says she's already
worth six million, Earl.

Oh, well, that could be
a problem, I reckon.

But hey, let's just take
this thing one boot at a time.

And the first thing
we got to do

is go see
that newjudge

and get that
all squared away.

So, let's be
moving, partner.

Shouldn't one of us stay here
and watch the old biddy?

Well, now, did you ever hear
of anybody or anything

getting loose from
a rope that I lied

if I didn't
want them to?

Never once, Earl.

All right, then,
let's go, pard.

[DOOR SLAMS]

[IGNITION TURNING]

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen

flight 4 t 1 just arrived.

Connections for lowa City...

Miss Spaulding?

...Husker Junction
and Beansborough.

Get your luggage
ready, please.

You're Hazel
Spaulding, right?

Yes.

How would you like
to make $2000 cash money?

We'd like to buy
your first place vote

in that beauty
contest, ma'am.

For $2000.

If you don't, uh,

we're going to have
to tell your husband

about you and that
Mr. Pawl, that emcee fella.

About how him
and you, uh...

Well, about them private
all-night singing lessons

you and him
give each other

every time you
come down here

to judge one ofthem
beauty contests.

EARL:
We'll do it too, ma'am.

Take the money, ma'am.

You've got a deal.

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen...

to personally greet you

Freebairn 's own
Chrysanthemum Festival girls.

CONTESTANT 1:
Hi, there.

CONTESTANT 2:
Hi, there.

Hi, there.

Hi, there.

CONTESTANT 5:
Hi, there.

Hi, there.

Hi, there.

Hi, there.

Hi, there.

Hi, there.

Hi, there.

Hello!

It Hi, there hello J

f We're glad
That you could show P

P For the Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant it

I‘ From far and nearl1

A We girls came here It

fiTo try to be
Queen of your pageant A

It Hi there, hello J

f We're glad
That you could show P

P For the Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant it

It Who will be queen
When you're all seen P

hAt the Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant it

It The Chrysanthemum
Festival Pageant N

[APPLAUSE]

And here they are!

Our bevy of loveliness!

Our first semi-finalist
is Miss Kris Munroe.

Kris is from the home state

of our president,
Mr. Jimmy Carter

Miss Lillian's baby boy,
God bless him.

Kris is from
Macon, Georgia,

a true belle of
the old south.

Her big dream is

to become our queen,
Miss Chrysanthemum Festival

and then go on
to help mankind.

Hi, y'all.

[GIGGLES]

Let's start off this
most important interview

with an easy
question, Kris.

What's your favorite
color, and why?

Well, actually, Mr. Pawl...

I have more than one
favorite color.

Well, that's all right
with us, Kris.

Right, ladies and gentlemen?

[APPLAUSE]

My favorite colors
are red, white and blue

because they are the colors
ofour flag of freedom.

[APPLAUSE]

Here's our next semi-finalist,
Miss California...

Grace Cooley.

[LAUGHTER]

Here's your first
question, Grace.

What is your
favorite color...?

And why?

Well, lwas going to say
red, white and blue

but somebody already said it.

[LAUGHTER]

Yeah, C.J.

and the both of them is going
to vote her numero uno.

Well, now that you've done it.
I'm going to tell you

just how much my baby girl
winning that contest

means to me.

As a daddy, I am
plain damn proud.

As a businessman,
I got stockholders.

But ain't none ofthem
going to argue

that a beauty queen
ain't the one to do

our TV pink grapefruit
commercials now.

And you two good old boys

will find a big,
fat thank you

in your en velope come payday.

Best tell him about
the old biddy now.

Couldn't hear that. What?

Uh, that was Hubie
talking to me, C.J.

Uh, C.J., we got a
little problem here.

Well, what kind of
little problem, Earl?

EARL:
Well sir, it seems
that we kind of ..

Well...

We kind of kidnapped
an old lady.

You what?

EARL:
She was a judge,
C.J., and...//

Well, she wouldn't take
the money we offered her.

And then she started yelling
and hollering
and carrying on.

We didn't know what to do

so we took her out
to an old warehouse.

She ain't hurt none.

You two got less sense

than a hound dog trying
to catch him a skunk.

That's maybe a life sentence
in a federal prison.

Do you know that?

/ am going to tell you
all /'m ever going to...

Listen good

Now you two out
that lady loose, and
you go grab yourself

a jet plane to Europe
or someplace

and when you light,
you write me a letter,

and I'll send you each $50,000
and good riddance.

I don't know you no more,
you hear?

[LIVELY COUNTRY TUNE]

JAs I walked out in
The streets of Laredo It

fAs I walked out
In Laredo one day P

l‘ I spied a poor cowboy

fWrapped up in white linen It

l‘ Wrapped up in white linen
As cold as the clay It

A Oh, beat the drum slowly
And play the fife lowly f

A And play the dead march
As you carry me along P

It Take me to a green valley
Then lay the sod over me A

J For I'm a young cowboy

l‘ I know I done wrong J

[SLOWER TEMPO]

J For I'm a young cowboy It

l‘ I know I done wrong N

[APPLAUSE]

I know the feel of this car
like my own hide.

And I know there's
maybe 110 pounds

more in the trunk
than there should be.

[KNOCKING]

Best show yourself.

[TRIGGER COOKING]

[APPLAUSE]

PAWL:
Our next semifinalist

is Miss Kelly Garrett.

Kelly had a warm and deeply
moving reaction to a friend

who injured an ankle
while skiing.

Tell us about it, Kelly.

Well... from that moment on

I... I knew
what we should all do

is help one another

to realize that

well, we should realize that

no man orwoman
is an island.

That we should never ask

forwhom the bell tolls...

that we're all one

and we need each
others' support

to be truly happy.

No, we should not ask
for whom the bell tolls.

When one man is lost
or woman is injured,

be it friend or stranger,

when the bell tolls,
it tolls for all of us.

[APPLAUSE]

[GRUNTS]
Now, lady,

what have you done in
the trunk ofour car?

Well, I'm a TV reporter,

and I was looking
for a story.

About what?

About the scaring off

of the contestants

in the Miss Chrysanthemum
Pageant and the...

bribing of the...

judges.

Hey, UI, she knows
what we've been doing.

Yeah, she does,
don't she?

Think we ought to put
the hush-up on her, Hube?

If you think I'm the
least bit frightened

by all this, you
are sadly mistaken.

[MUTTERING]
Miss Farber...

Hey, UI, you ain't considering

blowing your head off?

No, just thinking.

Are you going to
shoot her, UI?

Maybe.

Listen, old biddy.

Things ain't going
the way they're supposed to,

so we're going to change
our plans right here and now.

You say you got
six million dollars?

Well, if you want
to stay alive,

you better give us the name
of somebody we can call

we'll let them buy you
back from us for, say...

two million of your six.

You won't even miss that.

That's a good idea, Ul!

We got the name
let's play the game.

Hell, pard, we're
going to get rich!

All right, now, ma'am,
who do we call?

Nobody.

ULMER:
What do you mean, nobody?

I'm a widow and nobody can
authorize the bank

to pay out money
for me but me...

and I won't.

ULMER:
Well, it mlghtjust
mean your life,

old biddy, and this
sneaky-nosed TV lady too.

PAWL:
And now, from New York,
Miss Holly Blaise

to give us a special
rendition of that
famous solrloquy

from The Merchant of Venice

delivered in
her own special way.

The quality of mercy
is not strained.

It droppeth as
the gentle rain from heaven.

You reckon
anybody would pay

anything for
that TV lady?

HUBIE:
She's the boss.

She's got to be worth
something to somebody.

Hey, TV lady,

who'd pay to buy
you back from us?

Well, uh,

my photographer
might be able to arrange it

but, um, not just for me.

It would have to be

for both of us.

Of course.

Don't make no sense
just shooting one of you.

Right.

All we want is
a bunch of money

and a chance to disappear.

You go to him
and you say, "Beau Geste."

Then you tell him
what you want.

He'll probably
want to talk to me

before he pays over any money.

You don't trust us,
do you, lady?

Not very much.

What is this here,
"Beau Geste",

is that some kind of
Morse code or something?

If you say "Beau Geste"

then he'll know that
I was safe and sound

when I gave you
the code word.

Make sense, UI?

Hell, I don't know.

These TV people
got all kinds of

strange things going.

Let's tie their
hands behind them

and get out of here.

Now, I haven't finished
my sandwich.

PAWL:
And now, that lovely wizard

from Macon, Georgia

with her own brand
of southern magic,

Miss Kris Munroe.

[MAGICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE]

[JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING]

Now, wait a minute.
What?

I'll get over there to you.

You just stay
right where you are.

Oh, that's very smart.

Now, we'll just
see lfwe can...

Watch your hands,
there, Miss Farber.

What's that?

Thank you, okay.
Uh-huh.

PAWL:
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
but mostly you gentlemen,

you ain't never seen sultry

until you've seen
Miss Kelly Garrett!

[m]

l‘ Are there any words of
praise Could not allude f

it To such a wealth
Of feminine pulchritude?l1

J Rosy cheeks J

J Lustrous hair J

J Aren't they angels
Heaven shares? J

J Da Vinci's art
Could not surpass J

J The smile of any
lovely lass J

J Could Shakespeare rhapsodize
The virtue in their eyes J

J As we hear them each
Loftily moralize J

J Beethoven could not capture
The rapture that unfurls J

J From our
Chrysanthemum Festival girls J

J From our
Chrysanthemum
Festival girls JJ

Now, to help present
this year's crown,

last year's queen,
Miss Candy Welsh!

And now, the moment
we've all been waiting for.

The moment when
we learn the answer

to that magic question,

who will be the next

Miss Chrysanthemum?

I'm really nervous
and excited,

and I know the girls are.

Ourfourth runner-up...

and winner of a new
Walsingham dirt motorcycle,

our fourth runner up is--

Debbie Dowlan!

[APPLAUSE]

Beau Geste.

What did you say?

The man said, Beau Geste.

Who told you
to tell me that?

The lady what works with you.
She's kidnapped.

And we want a million
dollars for her.

Right.

And an all-expense-paid
weekend...

Beau Geste!

PAWL:
Be right back,
ladies and gentlemen.

[CIRCUS STYLE MUSIC PLAYING]

Whoa!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

I made the phone call,
Mr. Bosley.

All right, we owe you a dime.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
where were we?

Oh, yes, our third

semifinalist...

Okay, Mrs. Farber,
I got my second wind.

And we're going
to try it again.

Only this time,
please don't help me.

Oh, well, I'll try.
No, don't.

Oh, boy, am I ever glad
to see you!

I thought the next thing that
was going to happen to me

I was gonna know
what it felt like

to get shot
with a .357 magnum!

That hurts.
How'd you find us?

Our southern fried chicken
boys sang like nightingales.

Oh dear, now look, we've
got to get right over
to the pageant.

They bribed two of the judges.

I told you, Kelly.

The pageant is over,
Mrs. Farber.

Oh, really?

Oh, well, who won?

A girl named Billie Jolene.

She sang and played the guitar
to "The Streets of Laredo."

She's the one that
they wanted to win!

Her father paid those two men
to see that she won.

We know, Mrs. Farber,
and the Texas authorities

will be paying her
father a little visit.

She's been disqualified.

Who was the first runner-up?

Holly.

The girl who twirled the baton
and recited Shakespeare.

Oh.

You was robbed.

Mm-hmm.

CHARLIE:
And neither one of you
was even named runner-up?

Zip.

To quote an agent
we met, Charlie,

bupkis is what we got.

i thought you might have
already told them, Bosley?

No, no, no, Charlie,

you're the one
who arranged it

and I thought you
should tell them.

What did you arrange, Charlie?

Ben Pa wl told the judges

you weren't really
contestants.

That you were professionals

brought in to fill out
the depleted pageant.

The judges were not allowed
to vote for you.

Oh, no, after! learned
that speech

and smiled till my face hurt?

And I paid $37 for a brand-new
pair of white, tacky shoes.

I don't think
you'd better walk

down any dark
alleys, Charlie.

You bought yourself
some trouble here.

Not half as much
as id have bought myself

if one of you Ange/s had won.

What would I have said
to the loser?

Well, which one would
have won?

She would have.
She would have.

I'm glad I was
only kidnapped.

[THUMPING NOISE]

That sound again, Charlie.
Is your therapist there again?

Oh, yes,
and still hard at work

showing me the upper body
de velopment exercises.

What about the lower body,
Charlie?

Well, actually,
there doesn't seem

to be a problem in that area.

Isn't that great?

Charlie's always trying
to improve himself.

The very least i can do.

Bye, Angels!

ALL:
Bye, Charlie.

[m]