All language subtitles for How I Met Your Mother (2005) - S06E12 - False Positive (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence)-eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:03,104 [ Ted Narrating ] In December of 2010, 2 00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:06,840 my friends and I decided to go see It's a Wonderful Life on the big screen. 3 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,676 It seemed like something we all needed. 4 00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:11,945 After all, it had been a crazy couple days. 5 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,882 It all started with a pregnancy test. 6 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:18,186 This is taking forever. Are you sure you did it right? 7 00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:20,754 Is there a wrong way to pee on a stick? 8 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:25,893 Can I ask you a question that's plagued me for years? Can girls aim? 9 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,828 Um, can boys aim? 10 00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:31,599 'Cause it seems to me like I'm takin' a mop to that bathroom floor every two days. 11 00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:34,302 Okay, you're the one who put the Far Side calendar up over the toilet. 12 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,670 You know I laugh with my whole body. 13 00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:40,108 [ Gasps ] It's been two minutes. 14 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,743 [ Both Exhale ] 15 00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:45,646 [ Together ] One, two, three. 16 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,048 It's positive. 17 00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:49,450 It's positive? It's positive? 18 00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,185 It's positive. It's positive? It's positive! 19 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,387 [ Both Screaming ] It's positive! 20 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,758 - I'm pregnant. - [ Robin ] What? 21 00:00:57,825 --> 00:01:00,060 I've never seen that woman before in my life. 22 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:02,263 Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! 23 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,266 To Lily and Marshall. 24 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,435 To Lily and Marshall. Well, thank you. 25 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,303 We've never been happier. Mmm. 26 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:12,173 Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now. 27 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,542 - You're not pregnant. - [ Gasps ] 28 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,744 Well, that did it. 29 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:19,280 ** [ Upbeat Pop ] 30 00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,650 ** [ Man Vocalizing ] 31 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,557 ** [ Ends ] 32 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,525 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, this is the story... 33 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,827 of the 36 hours we all thought Lily was pregnant... 34 00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:36,264 and how it caused each of us to reexamine our own lives. 35 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:37,865 Because while this was happening-- 36 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,200 Are you sure you did it right? 37 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:42,102 I was on the phone with Punchy, my best friend from high school, 38 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,272 who had recently asked me to be his best man. 39 00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,307 Yeah, Punchy, I've given this some serious thought. 40 00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:49,076 I think I know how we can crush these floral arrangements. 41 00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,844 Here it comes. Hit me up, Schmos. 42 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:55,283 Peonies, lavender blossoms with a halo of baby's breath... 43 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,518 for an ambience of springtime rejuvenation. 44 00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:58,986 Crushed it! 45 00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:02,423 That's exactly the accent of whimsy this celebration of love needs! 46 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,625 [ Voice Quavering ] It's gonna be a magical day. 47 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:09,029 I know what you're thinkin'. "I wish I was a dude." 48 00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,931 I do wish you were a dude. 49 00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:14,335 Because if I was a dude, I could have Ted Mosby as my best man. 50 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:15,936 No. And here's why. 51 00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:18,005 Ted, the best man's job... 52 00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:21,375 is not to crush the floral arrangements. 53 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,844 It's to get the groom down the aisle. 54 00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:26,880 Because no matter who he is, he will freak out. 55 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,417 I just don't think you have what it takes to get that soldier... 56 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,352 to pick up his rifle and charge up the hill. 57 00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:34,822 Uh, are you forgetting? I've done this before. I was Marshall's best man. 58 00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,257 And how did that go again? 59 00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:39,560 [ Screaming ] No! 60 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,229 0 for 1. 61 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,163 Oh, come on. That wasn't my fault. 62 00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,499 And need I remind you, I gave a beautiful toast. 63 00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:48,402 - Ted. - [ Screaming ] 64 00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:52,306 O, do you take One to be your lawfully wedded wife? 65 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,208 Oh, God, I'm freakin' out. 66 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,577 Why did I choose Ted to be my best man? 67 00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:58,912 Uh, yeah, it's hard to take criticism from someone... 68 00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:02,416 who just recorded seven episodes of Million Dollar Heads or Tails. 69 00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:05,953 [ Ted Narrating ] Kids, Million Dollar Heads or Tails was an extremely popular show... 70 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,821 with an extremely simple premise. 71 00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:11,091 All right, your practice flip came up tails, 72 00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:15,696 but our Vegas oddsmaker tells us that the next toss is still just 50-50. 73 00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:19,199 And so, Jordan, for one million dollars-- 74 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,803 heads or tails? 75 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:26,274 [ Audience Shouting ] Tails! Heads! Tails! 76 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:28,542 What was the year of the coin again? 77 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,077 Why the sudden obsession with Heads or Tails? 78 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:35,048 Well, it turns out that Heads or Tails has a job opening. 79 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,385 [ Audience Shouting ] Heads! Tails! Ta-- Heads. 80 00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,787 Marni, flip that coin. 81 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,990 [ Groans ] [ Audience Gasping ] 82 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:46,226 So now because of that incident, Heads or Tails is looking for a new... 83 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,329 "currency rotation specialist." 84 00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:51,465 - You mean "coin flip bimbo"? - They're not bimbos. 85 00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,302 You auditioned, didn't you? 86 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,442 - And you're Canadian? - Mm-hmm. 87 00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:05,546 Robin, aside from that coin, this is the other thing that's flipping right now. 88 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:09,417 What is my lid for you? 89 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,319 You're the new coin flip bimbo? 90 00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:13,186 Currency rotation specialist. 91 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,456 Robin, you better check yourself... 92 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:18,892 before you Trebek yourself. 93 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:22,396 - You're a journalist. What is the matter with you? - It's a national audience. 94 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,865 I get to wear shiny dresses. 95 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,267 Robin, have you forgotten about your New Year's resolution? 96 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:31,138 I'm never drinking again. 97 00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:32,473 No, before that. 98 00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:35,876 I am gonna finish this whole bottle tonight. 99 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,245 Before that too. 100 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,780 I moved here... 101 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:43,150 to work for a big-time cable news channel like World Wide News. 102 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,786 Well, by this time next year, 103 00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:49,757 I will be wearing a World Wide News I.D. badge around my neck. 104 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,759 And to show you that I'm serious, 105 00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,127 this is my first and only drink of the night. 106 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,896 Okay. Okay? 107 00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,100 Oh, damn, that's smooth. 108 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,803 I thought you finally got that interview at World Wide News. 109 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,304 Well, I did. 110 00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:08,108 But they only offered me a boring, low-paid, off-camera research job. 111 00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,611 Which could be a stepping stone to bigger things in your career. 112 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,413 So could Heads or Tails. 113 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,715 The first currency rotation specialist... 114 00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:17,818 went on to be a semifinalist on The Bachelor. 115 00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:21,489 And then she lost, like, a hundred pounds on The Biggest Loser. 116 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:24,057 And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab. 117 00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,994 [ Ted Narrating ] It seemed like there was no changing Robin's mind. 118 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,129 But what we didn't realize was that in a few minutes... 119 00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,999 our whole world was going to be turned upside-down. 120 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,835 - I'm pregnant. - What? 121 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:37,671 Now, kids, when your friends have great news, you're happy for them... 122 00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,373 for, like, a millisecond. 123 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,909 And then you start thinking about yourself. 124 00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:45,012 [ Thinking ] Oh, my God. They're really having a baby. 125 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,080 What am I doing with my life? 126 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,049 Starting Monday, I'm a currency rotation sp-- 127 00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:51,552 Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a coin flip bimbo. 128 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:53,353 And I'm still single. 129 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:56,089 Okay, let's not go there, Scherbatsky. That's a whole other thing. 130 00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,592 I gotta take that World Wide News job. 131 00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,595 [ Ted Narrating ] And so the next night, we had two things to celebrate. 132 00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:06,900 Well, you are looking at the new associate researcher at World Wide News. 133 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,769 [ Gasps ] Oh, my gosh! That's amazing news. 134 00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:11,639 What changed your mind? Marshall and Lily. 135 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:15,643 I just realized that I am about to have a little niece who looks up to me, 136 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,678 and I don't wanna be sad Aunt Robin, 137 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,213 the aging coin flip bimbo who gives her the creeps. 138 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,416 I wanna be cool Aunt Robin, 139 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,552 the respected journalist who gives her beer. 140 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,954 - What? - What? Oh-- 141 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:30,791 I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. 142 00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,860 - [ Both Exhale ] - To Lily and Marshall. 143 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,328 To Lily and Marshall. Well, thank you. 144 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,465 I mean, we've never been happier. 145 00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:41,569 [ Ted Narrating ] The next day, Robin called Heads or Tails to respectfully decline. 146 00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:44,438 Hi. Mr. Trebek, um, this is Robin Scherbatsky. 147 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,440 - But at that moment-- - You're not pregnant. 148 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:47,875 [ Both Gasping ] 149 00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:51,011 As honored as I am by the offer, um-- [ Phone Chirping ] 150 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,080 [ Beep ] 151 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:56,484 [ Thinking ] Oh, my God. They're not having a baby. 152 00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,852 What am I getting all up in my head about? 153 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,054 That research job sounds hard. 154 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:05,459 And I'm pretty. I'm really, really pretty. 155 00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:08,428 [ Chuckles ] 156 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:11,665 You are looking at the new coin flip bimbo. 157 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:14,034 [ Imitating Gunfire ] 158 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,603 Whoosh! 159 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,738 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 160 00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:22,543 You took the Heads or Tails job? Yeah. 161 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:25,212 What about World Wide News? Your I.D. badge? 162 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,180 You made a New Year's resolution. 163 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:30,784 Okay, I also said I would never make out with a garbageman. 164 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:33,687 Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. 165 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,489 What's with the gingerbread house? 166 00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,390 We're seeing a Christmas movie. 167 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,027 It's a Christmas-themed movie snack. Mmm. 168 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,329 Let's hope Santa brings you a girlfriend this year, Teddy. 169 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,064 [ Muttering ] 170 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,666 Where the hell is Barney? 171 00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:48,235 [ Ted Narrating ] Where was Barney? Let's back up again. 172 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,737 You see, while this was going on-- 173 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,304 It's positive. It's positive? 174 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:52,606 this was happening. 175 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:55,509 And now she's totally winning Celebrity Rehab. 176 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,045 Hey, guys. 177 00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,147 A yuletide riddle. 178 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:04,117 What is my second-favorite word that begins with B-O-N? 179 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,986 Bon Jovi? 180 00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:09,422 What is my third-favorite word that begins with B-O-N? 181 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,424 [ Imitates Buzzer ] "Bonus." 182 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:15,829 As in my end-of-the-year bonus check. 183 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,130 My God! 184 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,066 Barney, I work for GNB too. 185 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:22,102 All I got was a $15 gift card to Costa Coffee. 186 00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,037 And you earned it, buddy. 187 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,073 Check out what I'm gonna buy for myself. 188 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,442 The Dibiase. 189 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,112 See those pinstripes-- diamonds. 190 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:35,415 It is the uppest a person could ever suit. 191 00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:38,819 Uh, has it ever occurred to you to give some of this to charity? 192 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,253 Charity? 193 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,423 You're seriously talking to me about charity, dude? I am Mr. Charity. 194 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:47,194 I frequently sleep with sixes, 195 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:51,131 chubsters, over-30s. 196 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,267 I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang. 197 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,638 Hey, guys. Hey. 198 00:08:57,705 --> 00:09:01,074 - Big announcement. - Let me guess. You got a huge bonus check too. 199 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,310 No, just a $30 gift card to Costa Coffee. 200 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,545 - Thirty? - I'm pregnant. 201 00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,114 - [ Gasps ] - What? 202 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,717 I've never seen that woman before in my life. 203 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,719 Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! 204 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,187 [ Thinking ] Huh. 205 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,056 Marshall and Lily are doing something meaningful, 206 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:19,192 and it's making me less happy about this bonus. 207 00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:22,362 And I'm still single. At least I got that goin' for me. 208 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:25,899 So why do I still feel outside of awesome looking in? 209 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,769 What am I doing with my life? 210 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,804 We've never been happier. Mmm. 211 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:33,440 Can't imagine anything bringing me down right now. 212 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:36,343 Oh, Marshall, you only think you're happy. Just wait. 213 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,812 Because tonight... 214 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,048 is Barney's favorite things! 215 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,684 ** [ Disco ] [ Cheering, Screaming ] 216 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,091 [ Ted Narrating ] That was the reaction Barney expected. 217 00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:53,493 ...things! This is the one he got. 218 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,629 - Huh? - I don't know what that is. 219 00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,831 Barney's favorite things. 220 00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:00,433 I'm gonna give y'all a bunch of free stuff. 221 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,269 - Like Oprah. - [ Marshall ] Oh. 222 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,470 Just get excited, okay? 223 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:06,006 Sure. [ Ted Narrating ] The next hour got pretty weird. 224 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:09,009 Velour tracksuits! [ Cheering ] 225 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,911 Velour is so comfortable. These are so soft! 226 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:14,782 Remote control helicopters! 227 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:19,152 Condoms! 228 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,590 And last but not least, 229 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,558 there is a fleet of limos outside... 230 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,961 waiting to take us to... 231 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:32,933 a strip club! 232 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,368 You get a lap dance! 233 00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:36,636 You get a lap dance! 234 00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,739 You are gonna give me a lap dance! 235 00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:42,843 Everybody gets a lap dance! 236 00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:47,580 Amazing! It was like a diamond suit for my soul. 237 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,582 I gotta keep going. I gotta do more. 238 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,452 No. No. I cannot go back to that strip club. 239 00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,321 I've seen some things. 240 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,223 I'm not going back either. 241 00:10:56,289 --> 00:11:00,493 I'm takin' the rest of my bonus to God's strip club. 242 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,731 [ Ted Narrating ] The next day, he paid a visit to the most charitable man he knew, 243 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:07,434 his half-brother's father-- Sam Gibbs, a minister at a church out on Long Island. 244 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,103 Sam-- Uh, Father. 245 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,072 I-I don't mean Father Father. 246 00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,141 Unless-- What's up, Barney? 247 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,644 I'm thinking about giving some money to charity. 248 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:20,147 Is that the name of the stripper you been e-mailing me about? 249 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,183 You gotta take me off that list, Barney. 250 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,518 No, I don't mean that Charity. 251 00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,620 That Charity is doin' Peachy. 252 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,958 You'll see pics of the two of 'em in next week's e-mail. What up! 253 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,692 Barney, I'm a minister. 254 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,895 Unsubscribe. 255 00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:37,397 I-- I recently started giving, 256 00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,066 and it felt surprisingly good. 257 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,601 I wanna do more. Well, now you're talking. 258 00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:45,305 We have this program that helps those in need get back on their feet. 259 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:49,777 We give them food, a place to live, clothes for job interviews. 260 00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:53,747 Well, I would love to help by writing a check... 261 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:59,586 for one-zero-zero-zero-- 262 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,521 - You're not pregnant. - [ Both Gasping ] 263 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,490 zero-- [ Phone Chirps ] 264 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,993 Whoops. Hold on a second. 265 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,830 [ Thinking ] Wait! 266 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,698 They're not doing something meaningful with their lives. 267 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,801 Well, this changes everything. 268 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,736 Oh, no. I've already written four zeros. 269 00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:20,007 [ Gasps ] Thank you, decimal point. 270 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:24,344 $100.00. 271 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,247 That's great. 272 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:28,882 Thank you, Barney. 273 00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:35,522 Diamond suited up. 274 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,658 Hey, Ted, can you spot me for the movie? 275 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,528 I don't like to carry a lot of cash on me. 276 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,600 What happened to giving the money away? 277 00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:50,703 That was back when Lily was pregnant. Now she's not. 278 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,540 Ergo, a suit is born. [ Chuckles ] 279 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,343 Dude, what's up with the gingerbread house? You look ridiculous. 280 00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,511 It's a Christmas-themed movie snack. 281 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,014 Oh, I know that move. 282 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:04,885 You cut a hole in the floor, she reaches into the living room, finds the tree. 283 00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:07,354 * O holy night * 284 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,089 Nice. 285 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,758 Where the hell are Marshall and Lily? 286 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,760 [ Ted Narrating ] Let's back up one last time. 287 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,296 - I'm pregnant. - [ Robin ] What? 288 00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,231 I've never seen that woman before in my life. 289 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,334 Sorry. Force of habit. Congratulations! 290 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,071 [ Thinking ] This is great. I'm happy. 291 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,206 I'm so happy my heart's pounding. 292 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:29,076 And I'm sweating. And I can't breathe. 293 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,344 This is what happiness feels like, right? 294 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:34,647 Oh, crap. Lily's having a baby, and I'm having a panic attack. 295 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:37,817 - I hope she can't tell what I'm thinking right now. - [ Thinking ] I can. 296 00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:39,853 And I'm freaking out too! 297 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,990 There's an alien growing in my stomach that's gonna explode out of my vagina! 298 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:46,826 - Do you think the others can tell we're freakin' out? - What am I doing with my life? 299 00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,261 What am I doing with my life? 300 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,431 I should get a Christmas-themed movie snack for tomorrow night. 301 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,800 They're totally on to us. What do we do? 302 00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,302 Just keep smiling. Maybe wave. 303 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,437 No, don't wave! That makes no sense! 304 00:13:57,504 --> 00:14:00,207 I'm committed. I'm riding this wave straight to hell. 305 00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,042 Let's leave. Then the waving will make sense. 306 00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:05,278 See you guys tomorrow. [ Ted Narrating ] So Lily and Marshall headed home. 307 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,481 Lily, we have to relax. There's no need to panic. 308 00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,817 True, there's a lot to do, but we've got nine months to prepare. 309 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:14,754 So I say we make a list of everything that needs to get done before the baby arrives... 310 00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,823 and do everything on that list tonight! 311 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,658 Let's do it! [ Screaming ] 312 00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,027 Uh-huh. Got it. 313 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,494 Okay. That seems easy. 314 00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:23,330 Nursery's painted. 315 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,033 - Blue? What if it's a girl? - Damn it! 316 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:29,636 ** [ Man Singing: Rock ] 317 00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:32,339 * It's the time and the place * 318 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,042 * Why all these lights popping off in my face? * 319 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,277 * Or am I freakin' out? Freakin' out? * 320 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:39,546 * Freakin' out? Freakin' out? Freakin' out? ** 321 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:42,749 Oh, God, it's 8:00. We're supposed to meet the gang at the bar to celebrate. 322 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,818 Oh, God. Okay, listen. When we meet them, we have to keep it together. 323 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,621 Can you keep it together? No, I can't keep it together! 324 00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:51,858 [ Robin ] I have never seen you guys looking so at peace. 325 00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,994 - [ Both Exhale ] - To Lily and Marshall. 326 00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,263 To Lily and Marshall. Well, thank you. 327 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,299 I mean, we've never been happier. 328 00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:02,435 This is a nightmare! We've done everything wrong! 329 00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:06,339 [ Gasping ] The iPod was on shuffle! 330 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,208 The Jerky Boys. 331 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,643 Our baby heard The Jerky Boys! 332 00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:14,581 - The Jerky Boys are funny. - The Jerky Boys aren't funny! They are awful! 333 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:16,616 Fine. If you don't think The Jerky Boys are funny, 334 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:19,352 then I'm not sure that I can raise a child with you, liver lips! 335 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,221 [ Gasps ] 336 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,756 - Marshall, I don't like this. - I know. 337 00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,592 Okay? I don't like it either. 338 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:30,930 It's like I have a hot, burning ball of stress in my chest... 339 00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,066 and nothing will make it go away! 340 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:36,203 - You're not pregnant. - Well, that did it. 341 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,139 I know this probably comes as quite a disappointment. 342 00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,309 Yeah. 343 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,910 Huge bummer. 344 00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,945 So disappointing. 345 00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:50,683 - * Snow on the ground Snow in the-- * - Hey. You guys okay? 346 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,385 Yeah. Why wouldn't we be? 347 00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,554 Oh, the baby thing. 348 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:55,822 Oh, yeah. Whatever. 349 00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:57,524 Oh, Christmas-themed movie snack. Nice. 350 00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:00,560 [ Laughing ] Don't reach into the living room. 351 00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:05,132 Wow. I thought you guys would be devastated. 352 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:08,368 Oh. You know, we're actually kind of relieved. 353 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:11,004 We were freakin' out for about a day and a half there. 354 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,606 Yeah. This whole thing got us thinking, 355 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,675 maybe we're not ready for kids yet after all. 356 00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,578 - We were thinking maybe we'd just get a dog. - Get a puppy! 357 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,914 Can you imagine? You could put it in little human shirts-- 358 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,583 [ Yelling ] Whoa! 359 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,520 - Our movie snack. - Are you kidding me? 360 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,889 All you ever talk about is having kids! 361 00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:33,126 And now you have one little freak-out and you wanna get a dog instead? 362 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,761 No. Unacceptable. 363 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,797 You're gonna turn around, you're gonna go home, get naked, 364 00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:40,900 lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child. 365 00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:42,669 Right now! 366 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,004 I'm serious! Go! Go! Go! 367 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,941 [ Singsong ] Marshall and Lily got in trouble. 368 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,710 - And you! - Ooh. 369 00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,546 - Barney, you look real stupid in that suit. - [ Gasps ] 370 00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,748 You're gonna go get your money back and give it to charity. 371 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,717 And I don't mean that stripper you keep e-mailing us about, 372 00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:00,019 even though we beg you to take us off that list. 373 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:02,489 I can't give this suit back. 374 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:06,059 Ted, I glow in the dark. I finally glow in the dark. 375 00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:09,162 Criminals of New York, attention! 376 00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,531 This man is wearing a diamond-covered suit! 377 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,800 You can retire on the pants alone! 378 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,902 Merry Christmas! 379 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,205 [ Stammering ] 380 00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:22,642 So, if I get a large popcorn, you wanna go splitskies, or-- 381 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,477 And you. 382 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,180 You did not move to the greatest city on earth... 383 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,981 to become a coin-flipping bimbo. 384 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,583 So here's how it's gonna work. 385 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,086 Heads, you take the job at World Wide News. 386 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,155 Tails, you take the job at World Wide News. 387 00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:36,623 [ Coin Rings ] Ow! 388 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,891 Hey, looks like somebody got a new gig! 389 00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,094 Fine. I'll call 'em tomorrow. 390 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,730 I'll call 'em right now! 391 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,232 [ Phone Ringing ] God. 392 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:46,933 [ Beep ] Hello. 393 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,269 - Ted, I can't get married! - Yes, you can! You love her! 394 00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,272 You're right. I do. Thanks, Ted! 395 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,514 One for It's a Wonderful Life, please. 396 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,016 [ Men ] * Christmastime is here again * 397 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,418 Thank you. 398 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:10,490 * All this joy for girls and boys * 399 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:14,394 ** [ Continues, Indistinct ] 400 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,600 We're idiots. This kid doesn't stand a chance. 401 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,738 We're ready for this. We're ready for this. 402 00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,377 Wow! 403 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,445 That's a lot of zeros. 404 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,848 You're sure you're not missing a decimal point? Nope. 405 00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:39,486 And that's the tour. Uh, staff meeting's at noon. You'll meet everyone there. 406 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:42,655 But first you need to head down to Security. 407 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:45,192 You need to get your picture taken for your I.D. badge. 408 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,027 * Merry Christmas * 409 00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:50,197 ** [ Continues, Indistinct ] 410 00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:51,731 You sure? 411 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:53,733 Positive. 412 00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:58,971 There's more. Do you still do that thing... 413 00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:01,208 where you give people in need clothes for job interviews? 414 00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,510 Yeah. Why? Bring 'em in, boys. 415 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,779 * Bring out the joy * 416 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:13,186 * Light up the tree * 417 00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,322 Merry Christmas. 418 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,789 Thank you, son. 419 00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:19,626 Son? It's just an expression. I'm still not your dad. 420 00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,897 * Merry * 421 00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:27,367 * Christmas ** 422 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,202 [ Camera Shutter Clicks ] 423 00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,703 Congratulations. 424 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:33,706 You know, that was really cool what you did. 425 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:37,176 When we all needed it, you got us back on the right path. 426 00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:39,078 It's what I do. 427 00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:43,115 Ted, if I, um-- if I ever get married-- and you're not the guy I'm marrying-- 428 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,584 Big mistake. But go on. 429 00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:47,320 I could really use someone like you. 430 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:50,122 You know, in case I freak out-- when I freak out. 431 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,458 You interested? 432 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,627 Are you asking what I think you're asking? 433 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,830 Ted, will you be my best man? 434 00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:01,901 Scherbatsky, I'm gonna crush it. 435 00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,205 Let me look at this. Can we not? 436 00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:08,841 How do you even make-- I've never seen you make that face. 437 00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:14,381 Hi there. We've had a lot of fun tonight. 438 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:16,316 But on a more serious note, 439 00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:19,486 this is the time of year when we remember the importance of giving. 440 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:23,256 And there's no greater gift than the gift of booty. 441 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,592 So this holiday season, 442 00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,127 why not bang someone in need? 443 00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:32,565 I'm Barney Stinson, and that's-- [ Bell Tinkles ] one to grow on. 444 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,601 Um, no. 445 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:39,672 Hi there. You know, we've had a lot of fun tonight. 33098

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.