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1
00:00:23,444 --> 00:00:25,647
[Scarecrow] Oh, crazy about
Joker and Harley.
2
00:00:25,647 --> 00:00:27,516
I heard they tried
an open relationship thing,
3
00:00:27,516 --> 00:00:29,318
which everybody knows
only works for gay men.
4
00:00:29,350 --> 00:00:33,554
Your idle gossip distracts me
from my master plan.
5
00:00:33,588 --> 00:00:35,090
Break the Batman.
6
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:37,493
Punish Gotham
for its transgressions,
7
00:00:37,526 --> 00:00:41,063
and stand atop
the mountain of skulls
8
00:00:41,096 --> 00:00:44,166
left in my wake.
9
00:00:44,198 --> 00:00:47,603
-Anyway, I heard Harley--
-[Joker] Morning.
10
00:00:47,636 --> 00:00:50,905
-How are you?
-Fine. Why wouldn't I be?
11
00:00:50,938 --> 00:00:53,908
Because Harley dumped you.
12
00:00:53,941 --> 00:00:55,210
You know?
13
00:00:55,210 --> 00:00:58,179
People are saying
that Harley dumped me?
14
00:00:58,213 --> 00:01:01,362
[laughing menacingly]
15
00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:08,090
Please! You know what?
I don't even care.
16
00:01:08,123 --> 00:01:12,659
I wish her well.
17
00:01:12,694 --> 00:01:13,962
[Harley] Ivy, no rush,
18
00:01:13,995 --> 00:01:15,930
but Howie Mandel's only showing
19
00:01:15,963 --> 00:01:18,165
how to turn
Thanksgiving leftovers
20
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,802
into an entire
nativity scene.
21
00:01:20,834 --> 00:01:22,471
Oh, my God! Wait, what?
22
00:01:22,471 --> 00:01:24,105
[Poison Ivy] Hot, hot,
hot, hot, hot, hot.
23
00:01:24,105 --> 00:01:25,573
Next, I'm gonna show you
24
00:01:25,608 --> 00:01:27,712
how to makea mashed potato Virgin Mary.
25
00:01:27,745 --> 00:01:29,977
But first,
[chuckles nervously]
26
00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:32,582
please welcome
my, uh, surprise co-host.
27
00:01:32,617 --> 00:01:36,652
Uh, you know him
as the clown prince of crime.
28
00:01:36,685 --> 00:01:39,554
-Let's give it up
for the Joker!
-[audience gasping]
29
00:01:39,587 --> 00:01:41,022
[laughing]
30
00:01:41,055 --> 00:01:42,156
-Shit!
-Damn it.
31
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:43,793
-Ooh.
-Get ready, America.
32
00:01:43,826 --> 00:01:47,063
Howie's got something
he's dying to tell you.
33
00:01:47,096 --> 00:01:49,364
-[audience screaming]
-Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Not Howie!
34
00:01:49,397 --> 00:01:51,165
You know what's stupid?
35
00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:54,436
Me, for playfully implying
on yesterday's show that
36
00:01:54,469 --> 00:01:55,938
the celebrity villain couple,
37
00:01:55,971 --> 00:01:59,007
formerly known as "JoQuinn"is no more.
38
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,341
Thanks, Howie.
39
00:02:00,374 --> 00:02:02,611
When I dumped poor, sad,
what's her name...
40
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:04,179
-She's right over here.
-Frank.
41
00:02:04,212 --> 00:02:06,213
I promised I would
respect her wishes
42
00:02:06,248 --> 00:02:09,618
to drift into the darkness
of total anonymity.
43
00:02:09,618 --> 00:02:12,553
And for the record,
our couple name was...
44
00:02:12,588 --> 00:02:15,423
-"Joker."
-Oh, that liar
trying to blow up
45
00:02:15,423 --> 00:02:17,762
the cleanest and nicest
talk show host in television!
46
00:02:17,795 --> 00:02:19,960
Just ignore him.
He's baiting you.
47
00:02:19,994 --> 00:02:21,529
It's not worth
getting angry over.
48
00:02:21,563 --> 00:02:24,232
Sorry, but that's all the time
we have today, Howie.
49
00:02:24,266 --> 00:02:26,034
And speaking of time,
50
00:02:26,066 --> 00:02:28,102
yours is running out.
51
00:02:28,136 --> 00:02:29,370
[audience screaming]
52
00:02:29,404 --> 00:02:30,904
I need a very brave
wardrobe girl!
53
00:02:30,939 --> 00:02:32,239
-[laughing viciously]
-[grunts]
54
00:02:32,273 --> 00:02:33,608
Jesus, Harls.
55
00:02:33,642 --> 00:02:35,243
This is why I don't put
the good TV out.
56
00:02:35,277 --> 00:02:36,946
Good TV?
Where you hiding that bad boy?
57
00:02:36,978 --> 00:02:40,047
If he thinks I'm just gonna
fade away into obscurity,
58
00:02:40,047 --> 00:02:41,215
he doesn't know
what's coming.
59
00:02:41,215 --> 00:02:42,750
Who cares?
You're doing great.
60
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:44,821
You got a killer new outfit,
you started meditating.
61
00:02:44,821 --> 00:02:47,054
I haven't started yet.
I just downloaded the app.
62
00:02:47,088 --> 00:02:48,256
That's a first step.
63
00:02:48,256 --> 00:02:49,725
You're a strong,
independent woman
64
00:02:49,725 --> 00:02:51,326
who doesn't care
what other people think.
65
00:02:51,326 --> 00:02:52,894
Right! Who cares what Joker
66
00:02:52,894 --> 00:02:54,963
and his stupid
Legion of Doom buddies think.
67
00:02:54,963 --> 00:02:56,698
-Exactly!
-Preach!
68
00:02:56,732 --> 00:02:59,201
Hell, I'll show them in person
how little I care.
69
00:02:59,233 --> 00:03:00,935
What? No. What are you doing?
70
00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:03,471
-Logging into Joker's calendar.
-Oh, God, we're off the rails.
71
00:03:03,505 --> 00:03:04,807
No, let it play out.
72
00:03:04,839 --> 00:03:06,607
Oh, hey, there's a party
at the Gotham Mint
73
00:03:06,642 --> 00:03:08,510
with the Legion of Doom guys
tomorrow!
74
00:03:08,543 --> 00:03:10,778
Oh, if he wants
to fuck with me in public,
75
00:03:10,811 --> 00:03:12,246
I will fuck right back!
76
00:03:12,246 --> 00:03:14,048
-Please do not do this.
-Please do that shit.
77
00:03:14,048 --> 00:03:15,283
I'm just gonna show those guys
78
00:03:15,316 --> 00:03:16,684
how awesome I'm doing
without him.
79
00:03:16,718 --> 00:03:18,120
It'll be so fun!
80
00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:20,790
And you can meet a hot guy
and use your cool love potion.
81
00:03:20,822 --> 00:03:23,559
This isn't a love potion.
It's my distilled pheromones.
82
00:03:23,591 --> 00:03:25,260
It makes men
infatuated with me
83
00:03:25,260 --> 00:03:27,233
and then kills them
by turning them into plants.
84
00:03:27,233 --> 00:03:28,564
[both] Right, a love potion.
85
00:03:28,596 --> 00:03:31,399
-Please come with me. Please!
-No.
86
00:03:31,433 --> 00:03:33,202
-Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.
-Stop.
87
00:03:33,202 --> 00:03:36,271
-Frank, shut up.
Saying no again.
-Do it. Do it. Do it.
88
00:03:36,304 --> 00:03:37,773
What? Stop saying "do it."
89
00:03:37,773 --> 00:03:39,040
[Frank and Harley chanting]
Do it, do it, do it.
90
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,476
-Fine.
-[Frank] Yes.
91
00:03:40,508 --> 00:03:43,111
-[cell phone chimes]
-Oh, shit. Howie exploded.
92
00:03:43,144 --> 00:03:45,082
-[Ivy and Frank] No!
-Not Howie.
93
00:03:45,114 --> 00:03:48,483
-Joker, you son of a bitch!
-That's my phone, uh...
94
00:03:48,517 --> 00:03:51,666
[theme music playing]
95
00:04:00,894 --> 00:04:02,244
[roaring]
96
00:04:19,146 --> 00:04:23,347
[man coughs] [clears throat]
97
00:04:28,590 --> 00:04:30,792
[man clears throat]
98
00:04:30,824 --> 00:04:33,828
[roaring]
99
00:04:33,862 --> 00:04:36,667
Did you know that this party
was for children?
100
00:04:36,701 --> 00:04:39,001
I do now.
101
00:04:39,021 --> 00:04:41,003
Although, technically,
one boy becomes a man today.
102
00:04:41,003 --> 00:04:44,172
Are you one of the dancers
for my nephew's bar mitzvah?
103
00:04:44,206 --> 00:04:45,973
Jesus, Harley!
104
00:04:46,006 --> 00:04:47,475
[laughing]
105
00:04:47,508 --> 00:04:50,278
Rock bottom came fast
as the Joker dumped you.
106
00:04:50,311 --> 00:04:51,847
Uh, she dumped him,
107
00:04:51,881 --> 00:04:53,884
and you smell like
shrimp shit. Excuse us.
108
00:04:53,917 --> 00:04:55,751
-We should leave.
-No, no, no, no, no.
109
00:04:55,783 --> 00:04:57,319
All the Legion bigwigs
are here.
110
00:04:57,352 --> 00:04:58,653
I came to show 'em how great
111
00:04:58,686 --> 00:05:00,455
I'm doing
and I am gonna!
112
00:05:00,489 --> 00:05:02,256
This isn't
your coming out party.
113
00:05:02,256 --> 00:05:03,826
It's a 13-year-old boy's
coming out party.
114
00:05:03,826 --> 00:05:05,460
Look, a lot of people made
115
00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:06,729
a name for themselves
at parties.
116
00:05:06,729 --> 00:05:08,295
Bane, he decided to blow up
117
00:05:08,330 --> 00:05:10,297
Gotham Stadium
during Trivia Night.
118
00:05:10,331 --> 00:05:12,833
[Bane] Oh, the Dallas Cowboys.
119
00:05:12,867 --> 00:05:14,001
Incorrect.
120
00:05:14,035 --> 00:05:15,237
The Steelers have won
121
00:05:15,270 --> 00:05:16,871
the most games
at Gotham Stadium.
122
00:05:16,905 --> 00:05:19,441
I'm gonna blow up
Gotham Stadium.
123
00:05:19,473 --> 00:05:21,110
Fine, just don't
leave me alone.
124
00:05:21,110 --> 00:05:24,045
Or some like D-list villain
will hit on me
125
00:05:24,078 --> 00:05:25,581
or ask to do a heist with me
126
00:05:25,614 --> 00:05:28,516
and the longer we wait...
Okay, she's gone.
127
00:05:28,549 --> 00:05:30,419
[whispering] Kite Man.
128
00:05:30,451 --> 00:05:33,254
What? What was that? Whoa.
[laughs]
129
00:05:33,287 --> 00:05:38,259
Did I just hear the wind
say "Kite Man?"
130
00:05:38,292 --> 00:05:39,994
I think you're alone in that.
131
00:05:40,028 --> 00:05:41,162
Hell yeah!
132
00:05:41,196 --> 00:05:43,163
Good God.
133
00:05:43,198 --> 00:05:45,833
I need a permit
for a trap door?
134
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:46,869
The whole point is
135
00:05:46,901 --> 00:05:48,537
no one is supposed
to know about it!
136
00:05:48,569 --> 00:05:50,138
Especially the City.
137
00:05:50,170 --> 00:05:52,540
I need this lair rebuilt now.
138
00:05:52,573 --> 00:05:53,943
[cell phone ringing]
139
00:05:53,943 --> 00:05:55,576
Knock, knock, who's there?
It's me, Joker.
140
00:05:55,576 --> 00:05:58,379
You will never guess
who's at the bar mitzvah.
141
00:05:58,412 --> 00:05:59,915
Jesus, Bane!
142
00:05:59,948 --> 00:06:03,150
I don't have time
for a guessing game. Hang on.
143
00:06:03,184 --> 00:06:05,420
Those shoes have black soles!
144
00:06:05,453 --> 00:06:06,855
Put plastic booties on.
145
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:09,824
Harley is at Penguin's nephew's
bar mitzvah.
146
00:06:09,824 --> 00:06:11,660
She crashed
the stupid thing?
147
00:06:11,693 --> 00:06:14,463
Yeah, seems like
she's doing pretty well.
148
00:06:14,496 --> 00:06:16,732
Brought a tiger. Pretty cool.
149
00:06:16,765 --> 00:06:19,333
What? Anyone can buy a tiger.
150
00:06:19,367 --> 00:06:21,268
You know she has HPV, right?
151
00:06:21,302 --> 00:06:24,205
Most sexually active adults do.
152
00:06:24,239 --> 00:06:26,838
Shut up! I'm on my way.
153
00:06:27,408 --> 00:06:29,677
[Harley] Uh-oh!
Who are these troublemakers?
154
00:06:29,710 --> 00:06:32,314
Nah, I'm just kidding.
I know it's you, Scarecrow,
155
00:06:32,347 --> 00:06:34,184
Two-Face,
other half of Two-Face,
156
00:06:34,217 --> 00:06:35,516
[imitating Bane] Bane.
157
00:06:35,549 --> 00:06:36,785
[all laughing]
158
00:06:36,819 --> 00:06:39,021
I'm going to blow up
this bar mitzvah.
159
00:06:39,054 --> 00:06:41,689
Quinn, great to see you.
Where you been hiding?
160
00:06:41,723 --> 00:06:43,857
On your left,
where you can't see shit.
161
00:06:43,891 --> 00:06:45,261
[all laughing]
162
00:06:45,294 --> 00:06:48,129
So, guess who has a plan
to finally get rid of Batman?
163
00:06:48,162 --> 00:06:50,364
Ya girl.
164
00:06:50,398 --> 00:06:52,467
[Joker] Look
who's' trying to run
165
00:06:52,501 --> 00:06:53,602
before she can crawl.
166
00:06:53,634 --> 00:06:55,470
[all laughing nervously]
167
00:06:55,504 --> 00:06:56,672
Mazel tov!
168
00:06:56,705 --> 00:06:58,840
-Jesus.
-Glad you're here, J-Man.
169
00:06:58,874 --> 00:07:00,641
Pull up a chair.
Doesn't bother me.
170
00:07:00,675 --> 00:07:02,643
So, who's goin' beef
and who's goin' chicken?
171
00:07:02,677 --> 00:07:04,379
You are going
somewhere else.
172
00:07:04,412 --> 00:07:06,581
Because this is
the Legion of Doom table!
173
00:07:06,614 --> 00:07:09,518
Why don't you go find
the Crazy Bitch table?
174
00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:11,653
Spoiler:
It's not a real table.
175
00:07:11,686 --> 00:07:13,321
-That was implied!
-[groaning]
176
00:07:13,355 --> 00:07:17,292
Who wants to ditch this jester
and tear up Gotham with me?
177
00:07:17,324 --> 00:07:20,362
[laughs menacingly]
178
00:07:20,395 --> 00:07:21,629
Laugh. Laugh with me.
179
00:07:21,662 --> 00:07:24,165
[all laughing nervously]
180
00:07:24,198 --> 00:07:25,768
You know what? Who needs ya?
181
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:30,800
This table's too far away
from the dance floor anyway.
182
00:07:32,006 --> 00:07:33,908
Ugh, can you believe
those assholes?
183
00:07:33,943 --> 00:07:35,778
You know what?
I don't need 'em.
I'll sit with you guys.
184
00:07:35,811 --> 00:07:39,648
Uh, no. This is
the Joshua best friends' table.
185
00:07:39,681 --> 00:07:41,383
Unless, you're the girl
186
00:07:41,415 --> 00:07:42,951
that Joshua
fingerbanged at Camp.
187
00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:44,720
If I said yes,
would you let me sit here?
188
00:07:44,753 --> 00:07:48,756
Trick question. Joshua has
never fingerbanged anyone.
189
00:07:48,790 --> 00:07:50,191
Ha!
190
00:07:50,225 --> 00:07:54,028
So, Ivy-Ivy-Bo-Bivy.
191
00:07:54,062 --> 00:07:55,898
Um, let me ask you
a personal question.
192
00:07:55,931 --> 00:07:59,199
Have you ever seen
Gotham Central Park...
193
00:07:59,234 --> 00:08:02,138
-From the sky?
-From the sky!
194
00:08:02,138 --> 00:08:03,573
Yeah, you get it.
Okay, you know, I was thinking,
195
00:08:03,573 --> 00:08:06,408
you and I should do
a heist together.
196
00:08:06,441 --> 00:08:07,977
Uh, you know what?
197
00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:10,912
I'm just really kinda worn out
from all the heist stuff.
198
00:08:10,946 --> 00:08:12,379
It's just kinda hard
being such
199
00:08:12,413 --> 00:08:14,081
a weak woman
and whatnot.
200
00:08:14,114 --> 00:08:15,516
Yeah. I bet.
201
00:08:15,549 --> 00:08:17,319
Um, but, hey,
I'll do all the heavy-lifting.
202
00:08:17,319 --> 00:08:18,552
You don't have to break a nail.
203
00:08:18,552 --> 00:08:21,256
It'll be a breeze.
204
00:08:21,288 --> 00:08:22,658
-Breeze.
-Yeah.
205
00:08:22,658 --> 00:08:24,124
It's just 'cause my powers
are wind-based.
206
00:08:24,124 --> 00:08:25,359
You don't have powers!
207
00:08:25,359 --> 00:08:26,828
You just have a kite
like every kid
208
00:08:26,828 --> 00:08:28,629
in every park
across the world.
209
00:08:28,629 --> 00:08:30,097
And she doesn't want
to do a heist with you
210
00:08:30,097 --> 00:08:31,533
'cause you're stupid!
211
00:08:31,566 --> 00:08:36,038
-Do you think I'm stupid?
-I mean, don't you?
212
00:08:36,070 --> 00:08:38,341
These assholes always pretended
to be my friends.
213
00:08:38,373 --> 00:08:41,676
But they're really just...
[screaming] assholes!
214
00:08:41,709 --> 00:08:43,410
They think
I am not in their league,
215
00:08:43,444 --> 00:08:45,514
[screaming]
but they don't know shit!
216
00:08:45,546 --> 00:08:47,782
Hi, girls.
So glad you could come.
217
00:08:47,815 --> 00:08:49,751
I know we're all evil here,
218
00:08:49,785 --> 00:08:51,819
but maybe we could
put a little sugar
219
00:08:51,853 --> 00:08:53,554
on that salty language,
220
00:08:53,554 --> 00:08:54,588
you know, for the kids.
221
00:08:54,588 --> 00:08:56,491
Sorry, Mrs. Cobblepot.
222
00:08:56,525 --> 00:08:57,992
Yeah, never again. Sorry.
223
00:08:58,021 --> 00:08:59,461
Dude, we got to
get the fuck out of here.
224
00:08:59,461 --> 00:09:01,929
Hell, no. I'm not giving up.
225
00:09:01,963 --> 00:09:03,430
I'll show these Legion guys
226
00:09:03,464 --> 00:09:05,433
I can do something
not even they can!
227
00:09:05,433 --> 00:09:07,001
[Harley] What's one thing
in this room,
228
00:09:07,001 --> 00:09:09,070
none of them
ever had the balls to try?
229
00:09:09,103 --> 00:09:11,506
-[Poison Ivy] The fruit salad?
-[sneezes]
230
00:09:11,540 --> 00:09:12,641
Even worse.
231
00:09:12,674 --> 00:09:15,275
I'm gonna rob the Gotham Mint.
232
00:09:15,309 --> 00:09:19,112
Oh.
233
00:09:19,146 --> 00:09:20,915
No cuts!
234
00:09:20,948 --> 00:09:22,851
All right, Stop.
Let's get real for a second.
235
00:09:22,885 --> 00:09:25,219
The Gotham Mint
is impenetrable.
236
00:09:25,252 --> 00:09:26,722
They're so confident,
237
00:09:26,755 --> 00:09:29,091
they rented the atrium out
to the Legion of Doom.
238
00:09:29,123 --> 00:09:30,659
Look, I'm doing this thing,
all right?
239
00:09:30,659 --> 00:09:31,993
-What if Batman shows up?
-I'll kill him.
240
00:09:31,993 --> 00:09:33,795
-Where's the getaway car?
-I'll steal one.
241
00:09:33,795 --> 00:09:35,564
-Where will you put
all the money?
-Look around.
242
00:09:35,564 --> 00:09:36,832
Every kid's wearing a backpack.
243
00:09:36,832 --> 00:09:38,067
Gah! Look, Ivy,
244
00:09:38,067 --> 00:09:39,601
all the reasons you said
it can't work
245
00:09:39,634 --> 00:09:41,203
are exactly the reasons
I gotta do it!
246
00:09:41,237 --> 00:09:43,005
They might not like me,
247
00:09:43,021 --> 00:09:44,639
but they will respect
the shit out of me.
248
00:09:44,639 --> 00:09:46,708
All right, fine. Just go.
Go steal the money.
249
00:09:46,742 --> 00:09:49,176
Just do me one favor, okay?
Don't leave me alone here,
250
00:09:49,209 --> 00:09:50,310
because... Oh!
251
00:09:50,344 --> 00:09:52,515
Party's a drag, huh?
252
00:09:52,515 --> 00:09:55,544
[raspy voice] I really
should quit, but, I just can't.
253
00:09:55,544 --> 00:09:56,751
Go away, fragile child.
254
00:09:56,785 --> 00:09:59,089
Hey, how about we ditch
this shindig
255
00:09:59,122 --> 00:10:03,056
and sneak into
a PG-13 movie?
256
00:10:03,091 --> 00:10:04,325
[all grunting]
257
00:10:04,358 --> 00:10:05,794
My love potion?
258
00:10:05,828 --> 00:10:09,463
I stole your juice
and I gave it to these kids.
259
00:10:09,497 --> 00:10:11,666
-Hell yeah!
-You're an idiot.
260
00:10:11,699 --> 00:10:13,868
Ooh, you mispronounced
"genius."
261
00:10:13,901 --> 00:10:17,171
No, that potion makes people
fall in love with me
262
00:10:17,171 --> 00:10:18,174
and then kills them.
263
00:10:18,174 --> 00:10:20,308
-What?
-Yes! What did you think,
264
00:10:20,342 --> 00:10:21,444
you kite-fucking freak?
265
00:10:21,444 --> 00:10:23,679
My name is Poison Ivy.
266
00:10:23,712 --> 00:10:26,280
Damn! See, this is why
I stick to the kites.
267
00:10:26,314 --> 00:10:28,483
So simple.
268
00:10:28,517 --> 00:10:30,584
Ha!
269
00:10:30,618 --> 00:10:31,953
[Harley grunts]
270
00:10:31,986 --> 00:10:33,054
[grunts]
271
00:10:33,088 --> 00:10:36,625
The vault must be
around here somewhere.
272
00:10:36,657 --> 00:10:38,457
[yelps]
273
00:10:41,295 --> 00:10:42,295
Bingo.
274
00:10:57,746 --> 00:10:59,647
-[grunts]
-[grunting in pain]
275
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:03,852
[grunts]
276
00:11:03,886 --> 00:11:07,890
[guard screaming]
277
00:11:07,923 --> 00:11:10,958
[Harley grunts]
278
00:11:10,992 --> 00:11:13,228
We gotta get an antidote
before these kids die.
279
00:11:13,228 --> 00:11:14,397
It's in my apartment
across town,
280
00:11:14,397 --> 00:11:16,097
so we need to get there quick.
281
00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:17,799
Quick as a kite?
282
00:11:17,833 --> 00:11:19,534
-Oh, God.
-Weather permitting.
283
00:11:19,568 --> 00:11:20,801
Fine, hit the button.
284
00:11:20,836 --> 00:11:22,237
Is it raining out?
285
00:11:22,237 --> 00:11:23,804
It looked a little overcast
when I came in.
286
00:11:23,804 --> 00:11:25,674
Oh, shut the fuck up.
Let's go.
287
00:11:25,707 --> 00:11:26,974
...look at
my phone here.
288
00:11:27,009 --> 00:11:28,642
No, I think we're good.
289
00:11:28,676 --> 00:11:30,545
[girl screaming]
290
00:11:30,578 --> 00:11:33,048
Ugh! My chicken is rubbery.
291
00:11:33,082 --> 00:11:34,716
Mmm, your beef looks good.
292
00:11:34,750 --> 00:11:36,952
Uh, fine.
293
00:11:36,985 --> 00:11:39,288
Ah, ah, I might finish that.
294
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,589
Oh, well, then,
what are we doing?
295
00:11:41,622 --> 00:11:43,491
Hey, everybody,
let's give it up
296
00:11:43,525 --> 00:11:45,761
for Joshua's
bar mitzvah, huh?
297
00:11:45,794 --> 00:11:46,795
[all applauding]
298
00:11:46,828 --> 00:11:48,863
It was very special for me.
299
00:11:48,896 --> 00:11:51,332
It was when I realized
it was my dream
300
00:11:51,366 --> 00:11:52,567
to become a crime lord.
301
00:11:52,601 --> 00:11:54,136
-[all] Aw.
-[sniffles]
302
00:11:54,169 --> 00:11:57,805
So today, I force that dream
on to you.
303
00:11:57,838 --> 00:12:00,007
[crowd cheering]
304
00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:02,144
[guard wincing in pain]
305
00:12:02,176 --> 00:12:03,578
[Penguin]
Okay, Joshua ...
306
00:12:03,612 --> 00:12:05,746
Get ready for your first caper.
307
00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:08,382
Good luck fighting offthe guards,
308
00:12:08,415 --> 00:12:09,718
also known as
309
00:12:09,751 --> 00:12:13,222
Gotham Chucklehut'sfinest improvisers...
310
00:12:13,255 --> 00:12:15,457
and stealing that cash-ola,
311
00:12:15,490 --> 00:12:17,793
otherwise known as...
312
00:12:17,825 --> 00:12:19,360
Joshua Bucks?
313
00:12:19,394 --> 00:12:20,395
Oh, no!
314
00:12:20,428 --> 00:12:23,732
Go, Joshua... Oh, my God!
315
00:12:23,765 --> 00:12:27,102
Hey, Joshy,
mazel tov.
316
00:12:27,136 --> 00:12:30,338
-[man screaming]
-[laughing menacingly]
317
00:12:30,371 --> 00:12:31,939
This is fantastic.
318
00:12:31,973 --> 00:12:33,409
You're probably
not laughing
319
00:12:33,442 --> 00:12:35,776
because this is sort of
how you screw up.
320
00:12:35,810 --> 00:12:36,810
[Bane groans]
321
00:12:36,810 --> 00:12:39,482
-You ruined the bar mitzvah.
-[crowd booing]
322
00:12:39,482 --> 00:12:42,117
-And crippled
an improv troupe!
-Meh. Well.
323
00:12:42,150 --> 00:12:44,618
And that's our show, folks!
324
00:12:44,652 --> 00:12:49,091
-I got this.
-[gun cocking]
325
00:12:49,123 --> 00:12:50,759
Say good night, puddin'.
326
00:12:50,791 --> 00:12:53,727
You think [panting]
this is gonna...
327
00:12:53,761 --> 00:12:56,431
[voice breaking] stop me?
328
00:12:56,464 --> 00:12:59,668
[Joker laughs]
She even sounds like you.
329
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:02,173
Oh, I don't think...
Do I sound like...
330
00:13:02,205 --> 00:13:04,905
[Bane] You never hear
your own voice, I guess.
331
00:13:04,939 --> 00:13:06,832
-[laughing menacingly]
-[Harley groans]
332
00:13:08,843 --> 00:13:10,078
Sometimes, I just fly
333
00:13:10,112 --> 00:13:11,947
to have a quiet place
to think.
334
00:13:11,979 --> 00:13:14,582
You know, just really let
my thoughts just run wild.
335
00:13:14,616 --> 00:13:17,165
Thoughts? Plural?
336
00:13:22,165 --> 00:13:23,858
[Poison Ivy] All right,
I'll get the antidote.
337
00:13:23,858 --> 00:13:26,962
And you know, just don't,
like, touch anything.
338
00:13:26,995 --> 00:13:29,545
Uh... [muttering]
339
00:13:33,168 --> 00:13:35,370
All right, let's boogie.
340
00:13:35,402 --> 00:13:36,771
Kite Man?
341
00:13:36,804 --> 00:13:37,854
Oh, no.
342
00:13:43,978 --> 00:13:46,481
Kite Man. Hell yeah!
343
00:13:46,514 --> 00:13:47,681
What are you doing?
344
00:13:47,716 --> 00:13:50,117
Getting ready to have sex.
345
00:13:50,150 --> 00:13:51,150
Why?
346
00:13:51,150 --> 00:13:55,323
Because after a great date,
you usually have sex.
347
00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:57,358
[laughing]
348
00:13:57,392 --> 00:13:59,295
Sorry, sorry.
I was gonna say something,
349
00:13:59,328 --> 00:14:01,563
but I wanted to see
how all this played out.
350
00:14:01,596 --> 00:14:03,299
-Oh, shut up, Frank.
-Ooh!
351
00:14:03,299 --> 00:14:04,934
I'm gonna need you to
put your clothes back on
352
00:14:04,934 --> 00:14:06,834
because this was not a date.
353
00:14:06,867 --> 00:14:08,804
Excuse me,
if this wasn't a date,
354
00:14:08,804 --> 00:14:10,786
why did you bring me back
to your place?
355
00:14:10,786 --> 00:14:11,757
For the antidote!
356
00:14:11,757 --> 00:14:13,476
Oh, I thought
that was just a line.
357
00:14:13,476 --> 00:14:15,343
-Why would I use
a line on you?
-I don't know!
358
00:14:15,343 --> 00:14:16,911
I mean why would you
even have me come?
359
00:14:16,911 --> 00:14:18,280
I mean, a cab
would've been faster.
360
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:19,348
You know it, I know it,
we all know it.
361
00:14:19,348 --> 00:14:21,817
Jesus, get dressed.
362
00:14:21,849 --> 00:14:26,121
[heart beating]
363
00:14:26,155 --> 00:14:30,825
["Hava Nagila" playing]
364
00:14:30,858 --> 00:14:33,395
Cut the song.
No Horah for Harley.
365
00:14:33,429 --> 00:14:36,231
Hey, it's gonna take
more than a souped up parasol
366
00:14:36,231 --> 00:14:37,598
to keep me
from kicking your ass,
367
00:14:37,598 --> 00:14:38,799
you fat flightless bird.
368
00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:40,401
The mouth on her.
369
00:14:40,435 --> 00:14:42,304
What better way
to become a man than by--
370
00:14:42,338 --> 00:14:44,442
Ooh, than touching
your umbrella? Whoo.
371
00:14:44,474 --> 00:14:49,376
Yes, I've been waiting
for this!
372
00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:50,646
Any last words
373
00:14:50,646 --> 00:14:54,949
before I kill your dumb blonde,
stupid, smelly...
374
00:14:54,949 --> 00:14:56,483
[whispering]
That's too many adjectives.
375
00:14:56,483 --> 00:14:58,020
...idiot ass?
376
00:14:58,053 --> 00:15:00,021
Hey, Joshua,
make sure you aim it
377
00:15:00,054 --> 00:15:01,122
directly at my head,
378
00:15:01,155 --> 00:15:02,357
'cause you don't want to miss
379
00:15:02,391 --> 00:15:04,059
in front of your friends
and family.
380
00:15:04,092 --> 00:15:05,559
I won't miss.
381
00:15:05,593 --> 00:15:06,995
I don't know.
382
00:15:07,029 --> 00:15:09,830
That trembly finger's telling
a different story.
383
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,232
It's not trembly.
384
00:15:11,232 --> 00:15:12,868
I just... I've never shot
an umbrella before.
385
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:15,402
I bet there are a lot of things
that you've never done
386
00:15:15,435 --> 00:15:16,972
like drunk a beer.
387
00:15:17,005 --> 00:15:18,909
I drunk a beer,
like all the time.
388
00:15:18,942 --> 00:15:20,909
I always drunk beers.
389
00:15:20,942 --> 00:15:23,277
I bet you still believe
in Santy Claus.
390
00:15:23,277 --> 00:15:26,714
I don't! I'm Jewish
and today, I'm a man.
391
00:15:26,747 --> 00:15:28,049
Oh, that's right,
392
00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:30,652
I forgot I'm talking to
a newly grown man.
393
00:15:30,685 --> 00:15:33,788
I mean, after all,
you've already
fingerbanged somebody.
394
00:15:33,822 --> 00:15:35,223
[crowd gasps]
395
00:15:35,256 --> 00:15:37,358
-Wait, what?
-I mean, you have, haven't you?
396
00:15:37,392 --> 00:15:40,362
You didn't lie about such
an important milestone, right?
397
00:15:40,396 --> 00:15:45,396
-Yeah, it happened.
-Are you sure?
398
00:15:45,799 --> 00:15:48,280
[stuttering]
I... I don't know.
399
00:15:51,139 --> 00:15:55,176
So, um, obviously,
I misread some signals.
400
00:15:55,209 --> 00:15:56,209
[Poison Ivy] Mm-hmm.
401
00:15:56,209 --> 00:15:58,179
I hope me taking off my clothes
didn't come across as...
402
00:15:58,179 --> 00:16:00,184
Creepy? It did. It didn't. Did.
403
00:16:00,184 --> 00:16:03,485
Right. Yeah, no. I apologize.
404
00:16:03,519 --> 00:16:07,203
It's just, I have never been
alone with a woman
405
00:16:07,203 --> 00:16:08,490
of your caliber.
406
00:16:08,524 --> 00:16:11,593
-Oh, you don't have to--
-Your eyes, your smile...
407
00:16:11,626 --> 00:16:14,262
Your silky, shimmering...
408
00:16:14,295 --> 00:16:15,564
Oh, God.
You know what?
409
00:16:15,597 --> 00:16:18,370
Strong woman... osity?
The... [stutters]
410
00:16:18,402 --> 00:16:22,036
I'm gonna be
quiet for a while.
411
00:16:22,069 --> 00:16:25,673
[Poison Ivy] You know,
it is kind of cool
412
00:16:25,707 --> 00:16:27,041
seeing the park from the sky.
413
00:16:27,074 --> 00:16:29,444
I mean,
when you're not talking,
414
00:16:29,477 --> 00:16:32,814
and we're just kinda
soaring majestically,
415
00:16:32,847 --> 00:16:34,116
you're not so bad.
416
00:16:34,149 --> 00:16:35,649
Hell yeah.
417
00:16:40,755 --> 00:16:41,957
Oh, shit.
418
00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:43,224
Something's going on
down there.
419
00:16:43,224 --> 00:16:45,593
[stuttering]
I... I don't know.
420
00:16:45,626 --> 00:16:47,996
It was at camp, at night.
421
00:16:48,030 --> 00:16:50,064
It was me and her
and it was dark.
422
00:16:50,097 --> 00:16:52,000
I definitely did something.
423
00:16:52,034 --> 00:16:54,102
Oh, Joshy.
424
00:16:54,136 --> 00:16:56,738
Do you really think
you're ready to kill someone
425
00:16:56,771 --> 00:17:01,509
if you've never even
finger blasted a girl?
426
00:17:01,543 --> 00:17:03,011
[grunts] You're right.
427
00:17:03,045 --> 00:17:04,346
I'm not ready.
428
00:17:04,379 --> 00:17:05,780
-[Joshua sobbing]
-[crowd gasping]
429
00:17:05,780 --> 00:17:07,648
I told you we should've
gotten him the dollhouse
430
00:17:07,648 --> 00:17:08,950
like he asked, Oswald.
431
00:17:08,983 --> 00:17:10,819
It's not a doll house!
432
00:17:10,851 --> 00:17:12,087
It's an army base
433
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,423
with sound effects
of real screams
434
00:17:14,455 --> 00:17:16,424
and it's the only thing
I wanted!
435
00:17:16,457 --> 00:17:18,126
-You're dead, Quinn.
-[gun cocking]
436
00:17:18,159 --> 00:17:20,229
-[glass shattering]
-[grunting]
437
00:17:20,261 --> 00:17:22,431
[groaning] Hell, yeah!
438
00:17:22,463 --> 00:17:24,066
Hey, did they do cake yet?
439
00:17:24,098 --> 00:17:26,367
Not yet.
440
00:17:26,401 --> 00:17:27,502
[groans]
441
00:17:27,536 --> 00:17:29,303
I though that was gonna be
way cooler.
442
00:17:29,338 --> 00:17:30,838
[clears throat] Harley!
443
00:17:30,872 --> 00:17:32,139
You're not a solo act.
444
00:17:32,174 --> 00:17:34,443
You're a sidekick,
an afterthought.
445
00:17:34,475 --> 00:17:36,247
No one is ever going to
take you seriously.
446
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,248
Admit you're nothing
without me
447
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,049
and you walk away alive.
448
00:17:41,082 --> 00:17:42,617
Or you can die.
449
00:17:42,649 --> 00:17:45,087
[laughing menacingly]
450
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:46,555
Well, easy choice.
451
00:17:46,588 --> 00:17:49,223
Uh, lovely bar mitzvah.
Mazel, mazel.
452
00:17:49,258 --> 00:17:50,759
-Are you leaving?
-Ha, no.
453
00:17:50,791 --> 00:17:53,427
I ain't admitting shit!
454
00:17:53,427 --> 00:17:54,427
Boys?
455
00:17:58,567 --> 00:18:00,534
-I got Two-Face.
-I got Scarecrow.
456
00:18:00,568 --> 00:18:01,903
I, um...
457
00:18:01,936 --> 00:18:02,937
Oh, dear God.
458
00:18:02,971 --> 00:18:04,206
Oh, wow.
459
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:05,807
[grunting]
460
00:18:05,839 --> 00:18:08,042
You're looming.
461
00:18:08,076 --> 00:18:10,946
Um, all right, well,
I'll take, um...
462
00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:14,049
If you don't mind,
if you could scooch
just a little.
463
00:18:14,081 --> 00:18:16,251
Boom! On-site coordinator.
464
00:18:16,284 --> 00:18:18,552
Looking kinda brittle there.
Won't see it comi--
465
00:18:18,586 --> 00:18:20,155
[grunting]
466
00:18:20,187 --> 00:18:22,690
I wanna go home.
467
00:18:22,723 --> 00:18:24,223
[laughing]
468
00:18:31,433 --> 00:18:32,970
[shrieking] Ive, gun!
469
00:18:33,002 --> 00:18:34,836
Got it.
470
00:18:34,868 --> 00:18:36,306
Hey!
471
00:18:38,572 --> 00:18:42,911
[screaming]
472
00:18:42,944 --> 00:18:45,493
[crowd screaming]
473
00:18:54,322 --> 00:18:57,125
Let's get out of here.
474
00:18:57,158 --> 00:18:59,559
No, let's fight.
Maybe Kite Man can help.
475
00:18:59,594 --> 00:19:02,062
[grunting]
476
00:19:02,097 --> 00:19:03,464
Bane!
477
00:19:03,499 --> 00:19:05,700
Quit dicking around
with Kite Man
478
00:19:05,732 --> 00:19:06,800
and get those two.
479
00:19:06,835 --> 00:19:08,271
But he was attacking me.
480
00:19:08,303 --> 00:19:10,070
With what? A kite?
481
00:19:10,071 --> 00:19:13,575
Just do what I tell you,
you dumb, freakish monster.
482
00:19:13,608 --> 00:19:16,478
Bane, why are you letting him
talk to you like that?
483
00:19:16,511 --> 00:19:17,747
In fact, why do
any of you
484
00:19:17,780 --> 00:19:19,580
let him talk to you like that?
485
00:19:19,615 --> 00:19:21,383
He doesn't even have powers!
486
00:19:21,415 --> 00:19:24,586
His only power is bullying you
into doing what he wants.
487
00:19:24,586 --> 00:19:27,321
I should know.
He did it to me for years.
488
00:19:27,356 --> 00:19:30,090
Don't listen to her.
She's nothing!
489
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:31,460
She makes a good point.
490
00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:33,761
I don't like
how you called me a monster.
491
00:19:33,796 --> 00:19:35,697
-Yeah, that was pretty harsh.
-Oh, yeah.
492
00:19:35,731 --> 00:19:38,133
Oh, my God!
It's just an expression.
493
00:19:38,165 --> 00:19:40,335
Also, let's talk
about dinner.
494
00:19:40,368 --> 00:19:42,203
I selected the beef
well in advance
495
00:19:42,236 --> 00:19:43,504
and you stole it from me.
496
00:19:43,539 --> 00:19:45,139
You said you didn't even
497
00:19:45,173 --> 00:19:47,509
want to come
to this "stupid thing."
498
00:19:47,542 --> 00:19:50,378
-[crowd gasps]
-[Bane] My feelings exactly.
499
00:19:50,412 --> 00:19:53,382
This is a monumental night
for young Joshua.
500
00:19:53,415 --> 00:19:56,017
I'm the Joker, all right?
501
00:19:56,017 --> 00:19:57,685
I was joking, okay?
502
00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,790
Oh, my God!
I'll kill Harley myself.
503
00:20:00,822 --> 00:20:04,292
Ivy, if you could just,
you know, move over,
504
00:20:04,292 --> 00:20:05,627
so I could just
kill your friend.
505
00:20:05,661 --> 00:20:08,230
Absolutely.
Over my dead body.
506
00:20:08,262 --> 00:20:11,665
Ugh! Female friendships.
507
00:20:11,699 --> 00:20:13,902
Ha!
508
00:20:13,934 --> 00:20:15,803
[snarling]
509
00:20:15,837 --> 00:20:16,886
[yelps]
510
00:20:22,077 --> 00:20:23,877
[cell phone ringing]
511
00:20:23,912 --> 00:20:25,313
Hold on. [chuckles]
512
00:20:25,347 --> 00:20:29,350
I'm getting a cell call
from my contractor.
513
00:20:29,384 --> 00:20:32,088
What? This is the Joker.
Come again. Yeah, whatever.
514
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:35,190
What do you mean
they're not going
to start till 10:00?
515
00:20:35,222 --> 00:20:36,826
Ugh! Can you believe this?
516
00:20:36,858 --> 00:20:38,761
They're calling it
a residential zone.
517
00:20:38,793 --> 00:20:40,529
It's an
abandoned amusement park
518
00:20:40,561 --> 00:20:42,530
at the end of a rotting pier!
519
00:20:42,563 --> 00:20:47,001
[gasps] I'll, uh...
Yeah, coming over right now.
520
00:20:47,034 --> 00:20:48,270
Let's put a pin in this.
521
00:20:48,302 --> 00:20:49,704
You understand. [chuckles]
522
00:20:49,738 --> 00:20:51,607
-So, are we good to leave now?
-Yeah.
523
00:20:51,607 --> 00:20:53,341
I can't believe you talked me
into coming to this.
524
00:20:53,341 --> 00:20:55,212
Don't forget
your party favors.
525
00:20:55,244 --> 00:20:58,312
[both]
Thank you, Mrs. Cobblepot.
526
00:20:58,347 --> 00:21:01,883
Aw, such sweet girls.
527
00:21:01,915 --> 00:21:03,652
So, do you realize now
528
00:21:03,652 --> 00:21:05,153
that you don't have
to prove to anyone
529
00:21:05,153 --> 00:21:06,421
how awesome you are?
530
00:21:06,421 --> 00:21:07,857
Yes, except for
the Legion of Doom.
531
00:21:07,857 --> 00:21:10,258
I need to get into
the Legion of Doom.
532
00:21:10,291 --> 00:21:11,659
What? After all of this,
533
00:21:11,694 --> 00:21:13,529
why would you wanna be
a part of that club?
534
00:21:13,561 --> 00:21:15,230
Those guys are such dicks.
535
00:21:15,262 --> 00:21:16,732
No, not all of 'em.
536
00:21:16,764 --> 00:21:19,334
When we were leaving,
Bane said, "You go, girl!"
537
00:21:19,367 --> 00:21:21,870
No, he distinctly said,
"Ooh, Go-GURT.
538
00:21:21,904 --> 00:21:24,438
Ooh, what, they had Go-GURT?
Oh, man.
539
00:21:24,472 --> 00:21:26,642
Ivy, listen. Anyone who is
a respected supervillain
540
00:21:26,674 --> 00:21:28,143
is in the Legion of Doom.
541
00:21:28,143 --> 00:21:29,310
That's when you know
you've made it.
542
00:21:29,310 --> 00:21:31,379
If Joker can get in,
so can I!
543
00:21:31,413 --> 00:21:33,080
So that is what I'm gonna do.
544
00:21:33,114 --> 00:21:34,649
What you need to do
545
00:21:34,683 --> 00:21:37,051
is get these 13-year-old boys
out of this apartment.
546
00:21:37,085 --> 00:21:38,419
They're starting to take root.
547
00:21:38,453 --> 00:21:41,289
Ah! Okay, boys.
548
00:21:41,322 --> 00:21:42,491
So, I got the antidote
549
00:21:42,523 --> 00:21:44,492
to turn you back
into humans, okay?
550
00:21:44,526 --> 00:21:46,328
But the only effective way
of doing it
551
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:50,130
is when
my saliva interacts...
552
00:21:50,165 --> 00:21:51,500
with your saliva.
553
00:21:51,532 --> 00:21:53,934
So, is this a kiss?
554
00:21:53,967 --> 00:21:55,604
No, it's not a kiss.
555
00:21:55,636 --> 00:21:58,972
It is an antidote
delivery system
556
00:21:59,007 --> 00:22:00,140
and nothing more.
557
00:22:00,174 --> 00:22:01,609
You will still be
sexless nerds
558
00:22:01,643 --> 00:22:04,212
by the time
the night is over, okay?
559
00:22:04,245 --> 00:22:07,615
And...
560
00:22:07,647 --> 00:22:09,917
Yuck.
561
00:22:09,951 --> 00:22:13,701
This is procedural, okay?
562
00:22:16,858 --> 00:22:18,292
Yeah, I kissed you
already, buddy.
563
00:22:18,326 --> 00:22:20,296
Yeah, I'm still
a little bit tree.
564
00:22:20,328 --> 00:22:23,330
-Yeah, fuck off,
get out of here.
-Yeah, fuck off, kid.
565
00:22:23,365 --> 00:22:28,365
[theme music playing]
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