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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,062 Subtitle by peritta 2 00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:10,026 Beats By Dre, ?199. 3 00:00:11,421 --> 00:00:13,620 Abo & Fitch, 4 00:00:13,621 --> 00:00:17,260 ?79.95. 5 00:00:17,261 --> 00:00:19,660 SHB Vehicle Hire, 6 00:00:19,661 --> 00:00:22,460 ?69. 7 00:00:22,461 --> 00:00:24,980 That's actually bloody decent for a quad bike rental. 8 00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:27,980 Jack Wills... 9 00:00:27,981 --> 00:00:30,220 Now, please can you just understand 10 00:00:30,221 --> 00:00:34,221 that this was for an entire winter look. 11 00:00:34,261 --> 00:00:38,220 ...?467.55. 12 00:00:38,221 --> 00:00:39,820 The Sock Factory... 13 00:00:39,821 --> 00:00:43,300 That's the name of a website, not an actual factory that I bought... 14 00:00:43,301 --> 00:00:46,900 Enough. Seriously. Before I puke up my cheesy frites. 15 00:00:46,901 --> 00:00:49,980 I set you up for an interview with Magda at Jonty Bonty 16 00:00:49,981 --> 00:00:51,500 and you do what? 17 00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:53,300 I fucked it. 18 00:00:53,301 --> 00:00:57,301 Yeah. You fucked it. In all available holes. 19 00:00:57,621 --> 00:01:00,820 Fanny, mouth, arse and a bollock up each nostril. 20 00:01:00,821 --> 00:01:04,380 - I tried. Really hard... - No, I know what you did Jonathan. 21 00:01:04,381 --> 00:01:08,381 I wasn't born Tuesday, AKA yesterday. 22 00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:12,220 Well - that is it. I'm disconnecting the pipe. 23 00:01:12,221 --> 00:01:13,540 What pipe? 24 00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,900 The money pipe, Jonathan. 25 00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:17,900 I've sorted you a job. 26 00:01:17,901 --> 00:01:20,140 Junior position, shit pay. 27 00:01:20,141 --> 00:01:24,141 Until you accept, you are officially cut off. 28 00:02:00,981 --> 00:02:04,060 - Oregon? - Oh, I'm just, erm, burning some poems. 29 00:02:04,061 --> 00:02:05,940 Right. The, er, competition. 30 00:02:05,941 --> 00:02:09,660 Yeah. Bit of a "poetry surplus" scenario. 31 00:02:09,661 --> 00:02:13,500 But I mean, you have read them all, though? 32 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,460 I've read them. Yeah. 33 00:02:16,461 --> 00:02:18,380 I've nearly read most of these poems. 34 00:02:18,381 --> 00:02:21,500 Do you think that you should maybe... come clean? 35 00:02:21,501 --> 00:02:22,700 Come clean about what? 36 00:02:22,701 --> 00:02:26,701 - Taking 20 grand and wasting it on a poetry prize. - It's not wasted! 37 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:29,900 Arts. Legacy. 38 00:02:29,901 --> 00:02:32,140 Patronage. 39 00:02:32,141 --> 00:02:34,140 It's OK. 40 00:02:34,141 --> 00:02:38,141 Everything's basically going to be OK. 41 00:02:38,581 --> 00:02:41,060 Right. Back to the bonfire! 42 00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:45,061 - I'll get marshmallows! - OK. 43 00:03:01,261 --> 00:03:03,740 - I make that precisely Bonk o'... - [GIRL GASPS] 44 00:03:03,741 --> 00:03:05,740 ...clock. 45 00:03:05,741 --> 00:03:08,500 Oh, God. 46 00:03:08,501 --> 00:03:10,460 Oh. Hello? 47 00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:14,461 - Sorry... - No! No, God, I'm sorry, I... I should've knocked. 48 00:03:16,341 --> 00:03:20,341 Erm... But this is great. Erm, you two just crack on. 49 00:03:20,381 --> 00:03:22,460 Give him a... bloody good bonking, 50 00:03:22,461 --> 00:03:26,461 and I... I shall take my leave! 51 00:03:31,661 --> 00:03:34,220 He's a clever, clever bastard. 52 00:03:34,221 --> 00:03:36,860 He's isolated my one weakness. 53 00:03:36,861 --> 00:03:38,740 Poverty. 54 00:03:38,741 --> 00:03:41,020 Poverty is like my Kryptonite. 55 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:43,780 I think poverty is everyone's Kryptonite, JP. 56 00:03:43,781 --> 00:03:46,820 You know what? It's fine, I can do it. 57 00:03:46,821 --> 00:03:49,900 I can live on the breadline. It'll be fucking fun! 58 00:03:49,901 --> 00:03:52,820 Shopping around for deals, using vouchers for Prezzo. 59 00:03:52,821 --> 00:03:56,300 Oh, yeah. I mean, if you get really strapped you could always 60 00:03:56,301 --> 00:04:00,100 sell your collection of antique Edwardian nutcrackers. 61 00:04:00,101 --> 00:04:04,101 Yes, Vod. Or, we could bring out our mutual friend, Cunty Landlord. 62 00:04:04,301 --> 00:04:06,620 "Oh. Hello, Cunty, how are you today?" 63 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:10,020 [DEEP VOICE]: "I'm fine, thank you, JP. Has Vod paid her rent this week?" 64 00:04:10,021 --> 00:04:12,220 "No. She hasn't, Cunty." 65 00:04:12,221 --> 00:04:13,860 All right. Easy. 66 00:04:13,861 --> 00:04:16,980 Got more angry paper. 67 00:04:16,981 --> 00:04:20,981 It's so red. So angry. 68 00:04:22,301 --> 00:04:25,420 Oggs. More poetry for you. 69 00:04:25,421 --> 00:04:27,700 Right. I'll get the wheelbarrow. 70 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:31,701 It just all seems a bit... indulgent, a bit... braggy. 71 00:04:31,941 --> 00:04:34,020 - A bit "Look at me." - Howard, it's a CV, mate. 72 00:04:34,021 --> 00:04:35,820 It's supposed to be a BIT "Look at me." 73 00:04:35,821 --> 00:04:37,300 I don't like to boast. 74 00:04:37,301 --> 00:04:39,500 I'm small-headed. Though ironically 75 00:04:39,501 --> 00:04:42,020 when it comes to helmet rental I always come up large. 76 00:04:42,021 --> 00:04:43,980 It's Ordnance Survey. OK. 77 00:04:43,981 --> 00:04:47,981 They've probably got 28,000 candidates for that one position. 78 00:04:48,261 --> 00:04:50,740 Oh - quick warning, I've got Bad-Soc this afternoon 79 00:04:50,741 --> 00:04:53,220 so don't expect any sense out of me tonight! 80 00:04:53,221 --> 00:04:57,140 Ooh... Badminton. The last refuge of the fucking loser. 81 00:04:57,141 --> 00:05:00,020 Mind your backs. 82 00:05:00,021 --> 00:05:03,900 Er, Vod. This isn't Badminton, this is Radminton. 83 00:05:03,901 --> 00:05:05,260 More like... Sadminton. 84 00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:07,020 More like Madminton. 85 00:05:07,021 --> 00:05:11,021 Last week, we ended up doing vodka shots out of a shuttlecock. 86 00:05:11,781 --> 00:05:13,940 - Shuttlecocks have got holes in them? - Exactly! 87 00:05:13,941 --> 00:05:15,660 Cos that's how fucking mad we are. 88 00:05:15,661 --> 00:05:18,820 So... yeah, I'm pretty much set up for friends next year. 89 00:05:18,821 --> 00:05:22,821 Game, set and trashed. 90 00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:29,701 It's from Fulbright. The scholarship people. That's going to be me, Vod. 91 00:05:30,461 --> 00:05:33,740 Stroking books and just... laughing. 92 00:05:33,741 --> 00:05:35,020 Great. 93 00:05:35,021 --> 00:05:39,021 Professor Dumblefuck's International School of Book-Stroking. 94 00:05:42,021 --> 00:05:44,460 Hmm... 95 00:05:44,461 --> 00:05:48,461 I think I may sell these nutcrackers after all. 96 00:05:52,861 --> 00:05:54,740 How's the novella? 97 00:05:54,741 --> 00:05:57,460 It's a novel. 98 00:05:57,461 --> 00:05:59,340 Course it is. 99 00:05:59,341 --> 00:06:02,420 Well... thanks for pitching in with the reading. 100 00:06:02,421 --> 00:06:03,820 Pleasure. 101 00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:06,580 And thus did I decamp to fair Buxton, 102 00:06:06,581 --> 00:06:08,980 and therein did immerse myself in verse. 103 00:06:08,981 --> 00:06:10,300 The majority of which, 104 00:06:10,301 --> 00:06:14,301 sorry to conjure, were read in a Radox-filled bubble bath. 105 00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,700 - What's this? - Those are my receipts, Oregon. 106 00:06:16,701 --> 00:06:19,340 That you very kindly offered to cover in lieu of my standard 107 00:06:19,341 --> 00:06:23,341 - reader's fee. - Three grand?! 108 00:06:24,181 --> 00:06:26,300 Johnnie Walker? 109 00:06:26,301 --> 00:06:28,460 Turbot? 110 00:06:28,461 --> 00:06:30,180 What the fuck is a Belvedere? 111 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,420 It's a type of cigar. 112 00:06:33,421 --> 00:06:36,340 Is that a new cardie? 113 00:06:36,341 --> 00:06:37,940 Have you had your teeth whitened? 114 00:06:37,941 --> 00:06:40,700 Oregon, that is an outrageous accusation, 115 00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:43,500 that really is from the bottom drawer. 116 00:06:43,501 --> 00:06:47,100 How am I supposed to get three grand of turbot past accounts? 117 00:06:47,101 --> 00:06:49,300 This thing is spiralling. 118 00:06:49,301 --> 00:06:53,301 Oregon, if you're struggling, just reach out and ask for help. 119 00:06:55,741 --> 00:06:58,700 No, it's fine. I can bury it. 120 00:06:58,701 --> 00:07:01,900 These... will not be a problem. 121 00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:04,140 I can just make the necessary... 122 00:07:04,141 --> 00:07:06,380 adjustments to the budget. 123 00:07:06,381 --> 00:07:10,180 Everything will be... 124 00:07:10,181 --> 00:07:14,181 Those are new fucking shoes, Tony. I can see the soles! 125 00:07:19,101 --> 00:07:21,540 Have you seen where they're holding the Graduation Ball? 126 00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:23,300 Fucking Distractions! 127 00:07:23,301 --> 00:07:24,700 Oh... I like Distractions. 128 00:07:24,701 --> 00:07:26,020 It's a worm-pit. 129 00:07:26,021 --> 00:07:29,380 It's basically a portal to hell with a chewy toothbrush dispenser. 130 00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:33,381 The DJ wears a funny wig. It is a solid night out. 131 00:07:35,381 --> 00:07:39,381 It was like a green quiff, if you can imagine such a thing. 132 00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:43,780 I mean, why not go all out and hold it in the fucking Wild Bean Cafe?! 133 00:07:43,781 --> 00:07:45,180 That's not as mad as it sounds. 134 00:07:45,181 --> 00:07:47,620 If you don't like it, why don't YOU sort something, Kingo? 135 00:07:47,621 --> 00:07:50,220 Oh, yeah, Vod - I'll sort something out. 136 00:07:50,221 --> 00:07:52,020 Cos that's the sort of thing that happens. 137 00:07:52,021 --> 00:07:53,300 "Oh, let's have a party. 138 00:07:53,301 --> 00:07:55,820 "What sort of records will I play at my party? 139 00:07:55,821 --> 00:07:57,660 "Where will all the people put their coats? 140 00:07:57,661 --> 00:08:00,460 "Or should I just put all the coats in a big bag?" 141 00:08:00,461 --> 00:08:04,420 Wake up, Vod, fuck's sake. Huh? 142 00:08:04,421 --> 00:08:08,421 Alternative Grad Ball. Think about it. 143 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:11,260 So... I have a first draft. 144 00:08:11,261 --> 00:08:12,700 My CV. 145 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:16,701 The life and times of Howard Redacted MacGregor. 146 00:08:17,141 --> 00:08:20,220 The first thing you'll notice is the impeccable formatting. 147 00:08:20,221 --> 00:08:23,140 And then almost immediately your eye will be drawn to a jarring blend 148 00:08:23,141 --> 00:08:26,140 blend of fonts - Avenir Medium for the body 149 00:08:26,141 --> 00:08:28,860 and Franklin Gothic Bold for the headers. 150 00:08:28,861 --> 00:08:32,861 A kind of niggling disparity which wills you to look away but 151 00:08:33,181 --> 00:08:34,940 of course, you cannot. 152 00:08:34,941 --> 00:08:37,540 - Instep? - Blood group? 153 00:08:37,541 --> 00:08:40,300 - Potted dental history? - Oh - can I see that? 154 00:08:40,301 --> 00:08:42,420 Hobbies and interests, N/A? 155 00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:44,380 Not applicable. 156 00:08:44,381 --> 00:08:47,300 I did not know that about your premolars. 157 00:08:47,301 --> 00:08:49,540 You need interests, Howard. Just put anything. 158 00:08:49,541 --> 00:08:52,140 - I could put vintage Japanese erotica. - Yeah, don't put that. 159 00:08:52,141 --> 00:08:54,140 Even your teeth make you sound weird. 160 00:08:54,141 --> 00:08:55,940 Just make something up, Howard. Lie. 161 00:08:55,941 --> 00:08:59,941 Well... I'm off to "Lee Dull"...? 162 00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:03,420 Lie-Dull? 163 00:09:03,421 --> 00:09:07,421 The horrible place with the free food. 164 00:09:10,101 --> 00:09:14,060 Josie... I'm a bit confused, 165 00:09:14,061 --> 00:09:17,100 Do you think maybe we could have a little chat about our trade agreement? 166 00:09:17,101 --> 00:09:20,700 Re. er, docking at Smuggler's Cove. 167 00:09:20,701 --> 00:09:23,220 Probably my least favourite vagina euphemism. 168 00:09:23,221 --> 00:09:25,100 So, just to clarify - 169 00:09:25,101 --> 00:09:28,380 erm, I am... still free to, er, 170 00:09:28,381 --> 00:09:31,260 trade my bananas with other interested regions? 171 00:09:31,261 --> 00:09:32,740 No, JP. 172 00:09:32,741 --> 00:09:34,500 Because I'm so in love with you. 173 00:09:34,501 --> 00:09:36,100 [SARCASTICALLY] "Oh, Josie loves JP! 174 00:09:36,101 --> 00:09:38,300 "Maybe she should get him a Valentine's card!" 175 00:09:38,301 --> 00:09:40,420 Basically, I wouldn't be that upset if you died - 176 00:09:40,421 --> 00:09:43,980 - I mean, I'd be sad, but I'd rally pretty bloody quickly. 177 00:09:43,981 --> 00:09:47,540 So... yeah, maybe we should just forget the whole thing. 178 00:09:47,541 --> 00:09:50,900 Oh. Fine, yeah, I mean... you know. If that's what you want? 179 00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:54,901 Well, that way you don't have to worry about me barging in on you when you're balls-deep. 180 00:09:55,141 --> 00:09:58,900 - Do you really want to know what this is? - Yes. 181 00:09:58,901 --> 00:10:02,140 It's a fuck-fest free-for-all, and we're just two horny atoms 182 00:10:02,141 --> 00:10:06,141 who keep... accidentally smashing into each other. Capiche? 183 00:10:06,581 --> 00:10:09,100 Yeah. Capiche. 184 00:10:09,101 --> 00:10:11,060 I'm really glad we cleared that up. 185 00:10:11,061 --> 00:10:15,061 Good. Now I'm cocking off. For now - we badminton! 186 00:10:20,941 --> 00:10:24,941 MUSIC: Kids In America by Kim Wilde 187 00:10:48,821 --> 00:10:52,821 Shuttlecock shot! 188 00:10:52,981 --> 00:10:55,060 Ohhhh! 189 00:10:55,061 --> 00:10:59,060 We only need 15 more and then we can move for impeachment. 190 00:10:59,061 --> 00:11:02,620 It's a petition. To have Oregon Shawcross kicked out of office. 191 00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:04,900 Yeah, sorry. I can't sign this. 192 00:11:04,901 --> 00:11:06,860 Erm, she's actually a friend of mine. 193 00:11:06,861 --> 00:11:09,860 She's running this union into the ground. 194 00:11:09,861 --> 00:11:13,861 Slashing resources and jizzing away God-knows-how much on her thing. 195 00:11:14,261 --> 00:11:17,940 Think you better go. 196 00:11:17,941 --> 00:11:19,500 Dale? 197 00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:23,501 Guys... Seriously? You want me to go? 198 00:11:25,461 --> 00:11:29,461 I'm Jumping Josie Jones. The mad slag of Bad-Soc. 199 00:11:30,021 --> 00:11:32,620 I just don't think that you'd be particularly comfortable, 200 00:11:32,621 --> 00:11:36,260 with the kind of activism WE'VE got in mind. 201 00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:37,940 Like what? 202 00:11:37,941 --> 00:11:41,941 We are going to burn an effigy of Oregon in the quad. 203 00:11:42,061 --> 00:11:45,100 Wow. OK, yeah. Erm... 204 00:11:45,101 --> 00:11:49,101 first off can I just say, and this didn't come from me... 205 00:11:50,021 --> 00:11:52,460 Burn the witch, burn the witch, burn the witch! 206 00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:55,940 Erm... I'm just joking obviously, she is a really great friend but... 207 00:11:55,941 --> 00:11:57,940 You 'know, any information you could give us... 208 00:11:57,941 --> 00:12:00,144 would be really appreciated. 209 00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:17,372 So, I've been thinking about this Alternative Grad Ball. 210 00:12:17,373 --> 00:12:19,732 I think it could look pretty good on the old CV. 211 00:12:19,733 --> 00:12:23,733 Plus, bit of a cheeky middle digit up to those goons at 6Music. 212 00:12:24,213 --> 00:12:27,052 My first question as a punter is, will it be boring? 213 00:12:27,053 --> 00:12:30,052 Why would it be boring? 214 00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:31,892 I do need your help. 215 00:12:31,893 --> 00:12:35,893 You've got 60 seconds then I must get back to the books. 216 00:12:36,933 --> 00:12:38,412 Right. Theme? 217 00:12:38,413 --> 00:12:40,932 Oh, erm, Carnevale di Venezia. 218 00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:44,612 - So, Carnival of Venice. A masked ball. - So an orgy? 219 00:12:44,613 --> 00:12:48,132 Not an orgy. Like a warehouse party, but in a marquee? 220 00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,532 Italian Hard House. 221 00:12:49,533 --> 00:12:52,932 You know, like a rave but, erm, sort of with cheese? 222 00:12:52,933 --> 00:12:56,933 A classy masked rave in a large tent, with loads of cheese? 223 00:12:57,053 --> 00:12:59,452 Right, let's talk toilets. 224 00:12:59,453 --> 00:13:03,453 One unit per ten females, er, trough-style urinals for the blokes. 225 00:13:04,013 --> 00:13:06,612 Speak to the farmer whose field it is, he'll, er, 226 00:13:06,613 --> 00:13:09,732 let you dump your turds in his silo and that way you'll save on pumpage. 227 00:13:09,733 --> 00:13:12,692 - Next? - Um... 228 00:13:12,693 --> 00:13:16,252 So, erm, yeah, er, so in terms of types of cheese, 229 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:19,532 I was thinking, erm, Grana Padano and Pecorino Romano? 230 00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:23,533 Dude, you've got 15 seconds left and you want to ask me about cheese? 231 00:13:23,733 --> 00:13:26,172 - Erm... no? - What about car-parking? 232 00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:28,652 Ticketing, wrist-bands, security, 233 00:13:28,653 --> 00:13:31,732 insurance, rigging, lighting, gaffers? 234 00:13:31,733 --> 00:13:35,012 Stage-hire, roadies, hand-stampers, and that's time. 235 00:13:35,013 --> 00:13:38,092 Where the fuck am I going to find hand-stampers? 236 00:13:38,093 --> 00:13:41,492 Kingsley, are you sure you should be taking this on with your finals? 237 00:13:41,493 --> 00:13:44,092 Oh, where's my wooden board? 238 00:13:44,093 --> 00:13:48,093 I like it on a wooden board. It tastes better on a wooden board. 239 00:13:48,733 --> 00:13:52,292 [SHE MUTTERS IN ITALIAN] 240 00:13:52,293 --> 00:13:53,652 What is with all the muttering? 241 00:13:53,653 --> 00:13:56,012 I don't know, but she just put my panini in the bin. 242 00:13:56,013 --> 00:14:00,013 Oh, shit, she's coming back. 243 00:14:02,333 --> 00:14:04,132 Well... 244 00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:06,132 There's the famous Latin temperament. 245 00:14:06,133 --> 00:14:08,012 I mean, I don't know what I expected? 246 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:11,572 If you dip your dick into Mount Etna, you're going to get burnt. 247 00:14:11,573 --> 00:14:15,572 Er, good luck with organising your marquee for your orgy. 248 00:14:15,581 --> 00:14:19,573 Oh, erm, I was thinking, 60 quid a ticket? Is that right? 249 00:14:19,813 --> 00:14:22,366 Cos, like, 60 times 1,000... 250 00:14:22,381 --> 00:14:24,528 I mean, I should be able to set up some sort of pop-up 251 00:14:24,535 --> 00:14:28,535 charcuterie store with 60,000 quid. Right? 252 00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,047 Right. 253 00:14:30,061 --> 00:14:33,808 I mean, forget about the books, how about I give you a hand? 254 00:14:33,816 --> 00:14:37,815 I know a field and it's fallow as fuck. 255 00:14:40,933 --> 00:14:44,936 Just a few details before we can proceed with your emergency hardship application. 256 00:14:45,173 --> 00:14:48,412 Please. Take your time. 257 00:14:48,413 --> 00:14:50,092 It's just nice to be warm. 258 00:14:50,093 --> 00:14:53,172 Can I ask what your, er, living status is, Jonathan? 259 00:14:53,173 --> 00:14:54,772 Landlord. 260 00:14:54,773 --> 00:14:56,612 You're a homeowner? 261 00:14:56,613 --> 00:14:58,492 I am asset-rich but cash-poor. 262 00:14:58,493 --> 00:15:00,692 Which, I don't know whether you know, Janet, 263 00:15:00,693 --> 00:15:03,772 is just an absolute fucker. 264 00:15:03,773 --> 00:15:07,212 Can I ask what your household income is? In terms of your parents? 265 00:15:07,213 --> 00:15:11,132 Respectfully, I'd prefer not to disclose that as I feel it 266 00:15:11,133 --> 00:15:14,372 may negatively influence the outcome of my application. 267 00:15:14,373 --> 00:15:16,852 Just so you're aware, based on what you've told me, I think 268 00:15:16,853 --> 00:15:18,332 it's highly unlikely... 269 00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:21,372 Why?! Because of my bearing? 270 00:15:21,373 --> 00:15:23,812 Let me tell you a little story. 271 00:15:23,813 --> 00:15:26,452 Christopher Biggins. 272 00:15:26,453 --> 00:15:30,453 Privately-educated, very popular entertainer... Bankrupt! 273 00:15:31,293 --> 00:15:33,052 It happens. 274 00:15:33,053 --> 00:15:36,892 And at this point, with regret, it has become necessary for me 275 00:15:36,893 --> 00:15:39,212 to ask for assistance from the state. 276 00:15:39,213 --> 00:15:40,932 We have limited resources 277 00:15:40,933 --> 00:15:44,012 and with the recent cuts we have to focus our funding. 278 00:15:44,013 --> 00:15:45,772 Oregon. 279 00:15:45,773 --> 00:15:49,773 Fucking Oregon. 280 00:15:56,013 --> 00:15:57,532 Don't freak. I repeat. 281 00:15:57,533 --> 00:16:01,533 Do not freak. Blink if you understand. 282 00:16:02,013 --> 00:16:04,092 Apparently there's a petition going round. 283 00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:06,852 They've got 100 signatures. 284 00:16:06,853 --> 00:16:10,853 They've triggered a vote of no confidence. I am so sorry, Oregon. 285 00:16:11,293 --> 00:16:13,452 They're moving to impeach. 286 00:16:13,453 --> 00:16:16,852 [CAMERA FLASH] 287 00:16:16,853 --> 00:16:19,852 [CAMERA FLASH] 288 00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:21,252 Impeachment! 289 00:16:21,253 --> 00:16:22,812 They're trying to overthrow me! 290 00:16:22,813 --> 00:16:26,813 Midway through planting a crabapple tree and they drop this shit on me. 291 00:16:26,933 --> 00:16:28,372 100 names. 292 00:16:28,373 --> 00:16:30,092 The Traitor Menu. 293 00:16:30,093 --> 00:16:34,093 I mean, I'm not putting them on a watch list, but... 294 00:16:34,253 --> 00:16:36,612 Mmm, your girlfriend signed this. 295 00:16:36,613 --> 00:16:38,172 What can I tell you? La Donna. 296 00:16:38,173 --> 00:16:39,532 She's her own animal. 297 00:16:39,533 --> 00:16:43,132 God, I wish she'd just fuck off back to Switzerland. 298 00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:44,572 Erm, Italy. 299 00:16:44,573 --> 00:16:46,972 Why would she fuck off back to Italy? 300 00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,652 Because she's from Italy. 301 00:16:48,653 --> 00:16:50,692 She might fuck off via Switzerland. 302 00:16:50,693 --> 00:16:52,852 - She's not Italian. - She's totally Italian. 303 00:16:52,853 --> 00:16:56,252 No! She speaks Italian because she's from one of the Italian cantons 304 00:16:56,253 --> 00:16:57,572 in Switzerland. 305 00:16:57,573 --> 00:17:00,172 Italian cantons of Switzerland? You just made that up! 306 00:17:00,173 --> 00:17:04,092 You know, Switzerland. Chocolate. Cuckoo clocks. Dignitas. 307 00:17:04,093 --> 00:17:07,492 Nom-nom-nom-nom. Cuckoo! 308 00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:10,252 Switzerland? Famously stayed out of World War II? 309 00:17:10,253 --> 00:17:14,172 Ironic considering the politics of your Nazi, fucking wife. 310 00:17:14,173 --> 00:17:16,412 Swiss... 311 00:17:16,413 --> 00:17:19,492 Hmm, Switzerland? 312 00:17:19,493 --> 00:17:22,612 [ECHOING]: 'My Swiss girlfriend, Swiss girlfriend, Swiss girlfriend, 313 00:17:22,613 --> 00:17:25,412 'Swiss girlfriend...' 314 00:17:25,413 --> 00:17:26,932 So, what's your next move? 315 00:17:26,933 --> 00:17:30,052 Well, I've got until the vote at 8pm tomorrow to balance the budget 316 00:17:30,053 --> 00:17:31,692 and get the books straight, 317 00:17:31,693 --> 00:17:35,693 meanwhile I'm tit-high in Tony's fucking turbot. 318 00:17:37,813 --> 00:17:40,932 [PHONE RINGS] 319 00:17:40,933 --> 00:17:44,012 Hello, Night-Line. My name's Natasha, 320 00:17:44,013 --> 00:17:47,532 'how can I help you?' 321 00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:49,212 Hello, Natasha. 322 00:17:49,213 --> 00:17:51,692 'How are you doing tonight?' 323 00:17:51,693 --> 00:17:52,812 Not great. 324 00:17:52,813 --> 00:17:56,172 Whatever it is, I'm sure I can help. 325 00:17:56,173 --> 00:17:58,692 I'm closing Night-Line. 326 00:17:58,693 --> 00:18:01,532 Who is this? 327 00:18:01,533 --> 00:18:05,533 This is Oregon Shawcross. Your President. 328 00:18:08,413 --> 00:18:11,372 I have just have been on a bus 329 00:18:11,373 --> 00:18:13,052 to the supermarket, 330 00:18:13,053 --> 00:18:15,332 where I bought some bones. 331 00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:17,052 I'm about to boil some pasta in a minute. 332 00:18:17,053 --> 00:18:18,652 If you want you can have my water. 333 00:18:18,653 --> 00:18:21,612 Now I know what reality feels like. 334 00:18:21,613 --> 00:18:23,332 Scratchy and harsh. 335 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,326 You're being pathetic. 336 00:18:25,336 --> 00:18:29,209 Yes, I am being pathetic, Josie, defiantly pathetic. 337 00:18:29,222 --> 00:18:31,364 I can't do this by myself. 338 00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,891 I need help. 339 00:18:32,902 --> 00:18:36,894 Somebody help me. 340 00:18:37,094 --> 00:18:41,098 Well, I have finally e-mailed my CV to Ordnance Survey HQ. 341 00:18:41,533 --> 00:18:45,542 Interests and hobbies include - reading, walking and street magic. 342 00:18:49,093 --> 00:18:51,406 - Street magic? - You put down street magic? 343 00:18:51,413 --> 00:18:52,932 Why did you put street magic? 344 00:18:52,933 --> 00:18:56,933 Because I asked JP, and he said put something cool down like street magic. 345 00:18:57,133 --> 00:19:00,212 I said, put down something cool LIKE street magic. 346 00:19:00,213 --> 00:19:02,572 I didn't say, put fucking street magic. 347 00:19:02,573 --> 00:19:04,572 Oh, hot, horny hell have I made an error? 348 00:19:04,573 --> 00:19:07,332 They're going to have this stack of boring CVs and then the resume 349 00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:10,452 of David fucking Blaine. What do you think their first question will be? 350 00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:12,252 - Can you levitate? - Will you smash my watch? 351 00:19:12,253 --> 00:19:14,692 - Can you teleport? - Can you turn invisible? 352 00:19:14,693 --> 00:19:17,692 Can you burn a ?50 note, and then you cough and it's in your mouth? 353 00:19:17,693 --> 00:19:19,932 Do you honestly think they'll expect me to levitate? 354 00:19:19,933 --> 00:19:22,652 They'll expect something in the levitation ballpark, yeah. 355 00:19:22,653 --> 00:19:26,653 I'm on a hiding to nothing on this one because I'm one of the most land-borne people I know. 356 00:19:27,853 --> 00:19:31,853 Right? Can somebody spot me some croutons for my bone soup? 357 00:19:34,013 --> 00:19:36,652 PROTESTERS: Where's our bus! Where's our bus! 358 00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:39,252 Where's our bus! Shawcross out! 359 00:19:39,253 --> 00:19:43,253 [SHOUTING CONTINUES] 360 00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:48,572 Whack the head! It's filled with Haribo! 361 00:19:48,573 --> 00:19:51,772 Hey, I got a good one! Orry-Orry-Ore-gone! 362 00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:54,132 PROTESTERS: Out-out-out! 363 00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:56,052 Orry-Orry-Ore-gone... 364 00:19:56,053 --> 00:19:59,132 Josie, what are you doing? 365 00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:01,492 Er... This... 366 00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:04,492 this is just a harmless bit of satirical fun. 367 00:20:04,493 --> 00:20:06,132 Is that an effigy? 368 00:20:06,133 --> 00:20:07,772 - Are they going to burn me? - No. 369 00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:11,452 No! Erm, not until they've got all the sweets out of your big head. 370 00:20:11,453 --> 00:20:13,572 Josie. This is horrible! 371 00:20:13,573 --> 00:20:17,532 Come on. It's just a bit of, you know, knock-about fun. 372 00:20:17,533 --> 00:20:20,612 Punch and Judy politics. Don't take it so personally. 373 00:20:20,613 --> 00:20:22,212 They're going to set fire to ME. 374 00:20:22,213 --> 00:20:25,932 Oregon. I don't want politics to come between our friendship, OK? 375 00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:29,132 But, y'know, closing down Night-Line... 376 00:20:29,133 --> 00:20:31,212 It got six calls a week! 377 00:20:31,213 --> 00:20:35,213 [CROWD CHEER] 378 00:20:37,893 --> 00:20:40,452 Oh, whoa! God! That really went up! 379 00:20:40,453 --> 00:20:42,212 S'awful. 380 00:20:42,213 --> 00:20:44,252 Burn the witch! Burn the witch! 381 00:20:44,253 --> 00:20:45,332 So flammable. 382 00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:49,052 [CROWD CHANT]: Burn the witch! 383 00:20:49,053 --> 00:20:53,053 That is a killer field. Beautifully fucking irrigated. 384 00:20:54,413 --> 00:20:56,572 - We should check the acoustics. - Mmm. 385 00:20:56,573 --> 00:21:00,573 One-two. Two-two. One-two. Two! 386 00:21:01,693 --> 00:21:04,252 - I'm none the wiser. - Mmm. 387 00:21:04,253 --> 00:21:08,253 Sorry can you put those fucking sunglasses on, or take them off? 388 00:21:08,413 --> 00:21:11,172 [PHONE RINGS] 389 00:21:11,173 --> 00:21:14,692 God. Mum again. 390 00:21:14,693 --> 00:21:17,292 Bandit had a seizure. 391 00:21:17,293 --> 00:21:18,932 Who the fuck's Bandit? 392 00:21:18,933 --> 00:21:21,732 The epilepsy dog. 393 00:21:21,733 --> 00:21:23,892 Epilepsy dog had a seizure! 394 00:21:23,893 --> 00:21:26,132 Epilepsy dog has epilepsy?! 395 00:21:26,133 --> 00:21:28,212 Well, does he though? 396 00:21:28,213 --> 00:21:30,412 Or is it all just part of the mind-war? 397 00:21:30,413 --> 00:21:33,652 "Uni's coming to an end." "Oh, big coincidence, Bandit's had a wobbler!" 398 00:21:33,653 --> 00:21:36,212 She probably locked him in the cupboard under the stairs 399 00:21:36,213 --> 00:21:37,692 with a strobe until he wigged out. 400 00:21:37,693 --> 00:21:40,372 Oh, yeah, she wants you back. What a bitch(!) 401 00:21:40,373 --> 00:21:42,372 There's no way I'm moving back with her. 402 00:21:42,373 --> 00:21:46,052 I'd rather move to the Yemen and work in a salt-mine. 403 00:21:46,053 --> 00:21:48,292 Nah, I'll just stay in Manchester. 404 00:21:48,293 --> 00:21:49,892 Move in with Rosa, probably. 405 00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:51,532 Very homely. 406 00:21:51,533 --> 00:21:53,372 What do you think about her though? Really? 407 00:21:53,373 --> 00:21:56,852 I tell you what I think about your Swiss girlfriend, Kingsley. Neutral. 408 00:21:56,853 --> 00:21:58,852 I feel neutral. Not one side or the other. 409 00:21:58,853 --> 00:22:00,972 - She's just been on my back lately. - Hmm. 410 00:22:00,973 --> 00:22:02,652 Weighing you down, like one of them 411 00:22:02,653 --> 00:22:05,132 really big Toblerones you get from Duty Free. 412 00:22:05,133 --> 00:22:08,572 I mean it can't be the case that I like her less because she's Swiss. 413 00:22:08,573 --> 00:22:12,573 But also, it is the case. 414 00:22:12,733 --> 00:22:15,372 I mean you saw her, flying off the handle like that. 415 00:22:15,373 --> 00:22:17,052 There's no need for it. 416 00:22:17,053 --> 00:22:21,053 If she's not Italian that just means she's just really fucking snippy. 417 00:22:28,933 --> 00:22:30,452 Oregon. 418 00:22:30,453 --> 00:22:33,972 I've come to claim ?20,000 for the greatest poem in the world! 419 00:22:33,973 --> 00:22:36,692 [CLEARS HIS THROAT] 420 00:22:36,693 --> 00:22:38,332 There was a young legend from Stow, 421 00:22:38,333 --> 00:22:40,652 Who snorted a kilo of blow. 422 00:22:40,653 --> 00:22:44,653 JP, that's a limerick, you're not going to win with a limerick. 423 00:22:49,813 --> 00:22:53,813 - There was a young lady from St Mary's Ca... - Again - limerick. 424 00:22:58,333 --> 00:22:59,532 There was a young geezer... 425 00:22:59,533 --> 00:23:03,533 If it begins, "There was a young..." it's a fucking limerick, JP! 426 00:23:15,533 --> 00:23:17,652 - I brought you some sweets. - Oh, good(!) 427 00:23:17,653 --> 00:23:20,292 They managed to get all the sweets out of my big flammable 428 00:23:20,293 --> 00:23:23,332 fucking Pinata head before it exploded into flames? 429 00:23:23,333 --> 00:23:25,892 No. They didn't actually. 430 00:23:25,893 --> 00:23:29,893 We had some packets left over. 431 00:23:30,133 --> 00:23:31,212 So, 432 00:23:31,213 --> 00:23:33,892 the dreaded vote of no confidence. 433 00:23:33,893 --> 00:23:37,893 If only there were some way you could rise above your problems. 434 00:23:42,013 --> 00:23:43,532 Howard, what are you doing? 435 00:23:43,533 --> 00:23:45,412 I'm levitating. 436 00:23:45,413 --> 00:23:49,413 Like some kind of highly-employable Christ figure. 437 00:24:01,053 --> 00:24:05,053 Well, I want names, Josie. I am going to highlight those involved. 438 00:24:05,093 --> 00:24:09,093 It is not Orwellian, it is just being very bloody organised... 439 00:24:09,773 --> 00:24:13,612 "Jezebel James?" 440 00:24:13,613 --> 00:24:15,812 That's you, isn't it? 441 00:24:15,813 --> 00:24:17,692 You signed this? 442 00:24:17,693 --> 00:24:19,772 I'm desperate. OK, Oregon. 443 00:24:19,773 --> 00:24:22,252 I need friends for next year and Bad Soc's all I've got. 444 00:24:22,253 --> 00:24:26,253 Yeah, well, you know what? Fuck Bad Soc. 445 00:24:27,373 --> 00:24:28,972 - No way? - Yes way. 446 00:24:28,973 --> 00:24:30,932 Funding has been cut. 447 00:24:30,933 --> 00:24:33,332 I am 'Breaking Bad Soc'. 448 00:24:33,333 --> 00:24:35,492 You evil fucking despot. 449 00:24:35,493 --> 00:24:38,288 Sorry, Josie. Death to Sadminton. 450 00:24:47,555 --> 00:24:49,874 Do you think he looks menacing enough? 451 00:24:49,875 --> 00:24:51,514 Quite sad eyes. 452 00:24:51,515 --> 00:24:55,354 He's big, he's bald, he's bearded. Tick, tick, tick. Yes, please. 453 00:24:55,355 --> 00:24:58,074 Maybe I should ask him to manhandle me. 454 00:24:58,075 --> 00:25:02,075 You know, try before you buy. 455 00:25:03,835 --> 00:25:06,674 Plus, we do a lot of security on match days. 456 00:25:06,675 --> 00:25:08,394 Sweet! 457 00:25:08,395 --> 00:25:10,954 Ooh, do you want, er, Mole to manhandle you now, Kingo? 458 00:25:10,955 --> 00:25:14,674 Oh, yeah, she's... she's joking. There's not... 459 00:25:14,675 --> 00:25:17,314 not much man to manhandle, methinks! 460 00:25:17,315 --> 00:25:20,034 What's the, er, damage, you know, bunce-wise? 461 00:25:20,035 --> 00:25:22,514 1,500 for the night 462 00:25:22,515 --> 00:25:25,874 or nothing and we do the sundries - 463 00:25:25,875 --> 00:25:28,394 coke, weed, pills. 464 00:25:28,395 --> 00:25:31,714 Interesting. Don't think we've found a supplier yet for our sundries, 465 00:25:31,715 --> 00:25:35,434 - have we, Kingo? - Yeah. So sorry, Mole. 466 00:25:35,435 --> 00:25:39,435 Um... just, yeah, quick conflab with my associate. Um, yeah. 467 00:25:42,795 --> 00:25:44,794 What the fuck? He's a dealer! 468 00:25:44,795 --> 00:25:47,394 He's a short bald man from Liverpool in a bomber jacket. 469 00:25:47,395 --> 00:25:48,594 I mean, I'm no Poirot... 470 00:25:48,595 --> 00:25:52,595 Mole - he sounds all nice. He sounds all Toad of Toad Hall. 471 00:25:53,755 --> 00:25:54,954 He's a drugs mole. 472 00:25:54,955 --> 00:25:58,074 There are going to be drugs at the Grad Ball, hmm? 473 00:25:58,075 --> 00:26:00,954 So, we either go to the open market 474 00:26:00,955 --> 00:26:04,955 or we go with a local supplier who provides a quality, 475 00:26:04,995 --> 00:26:06,394 freshly-sourced product. 476 00:26:06,395 --> 00:26:09,754 Don't make him sound like he's some fucking artisan baker! 477 00:26:09,755 --> 00:26:12,394 He's a drug dealer, he's dangerous. 478 00:26:12,395 --> 00:26:16,395 All right. Don't stack your briefs! We'll find someone else. 479 00:26:16,435 --> 00:26:18,834 OK, so what now? What's the etiquette with these people? 480 00:26:18,835 --> 00:26:22,554 Do they have an etiquette or do we just turn around and walk away really fucking briskly? 481 00:26:22,555 --> 00:26:26,555 Yeah, that's what we do. 482 00:26:35,475 --> 00:26:38,034 - How are you holding up? - Yeah, yeah, really good. 483 00:26:38,035 --> 00:26:40,314 Um, I'm looking forward to my vote of confidence. 484 00:26:40,315 --> 00:26:42,034 I thought it was a vote of no confidence. 485 00:26:42,035 --> 00:26:45,434 Yeah, well, that all depends on if you're a negative person 486 00:26:45,435 --> 00:26:46,954 or you're more in the mould 487 00:26:46,955 --> 00:26:49,474 of a Dorothy Parker meets Ellen MacArthur. 488 00:26:49,475 --> 00:26:52,354 Straw poll - if you were interviewing me for a job, 489 00:26:52,355 --> 00:26:54,594 would you be impressed if I, very safely, 490 00:26:54,595 --> 00:26:58,274 launched a small firework from about my beard? 491 00:26:58,275 --> 00:27:02,275 Two, four, six... no hands! Great feedback, thanks. 492 00:27:04,195 --> 00:27:07,194 Oregon, can you just lift your chin up? 493 00:27:07,195 --> 00:27:10,594 I'm doing a cheeky little lampoon for the protest movement. 494 00:27:10,595 --> 00:27:12,274 You're lampooning me? 495 00:27:12,275 --> 00:27:15,234 Yeah. The Blaster got in touch out of the blue. 496 00:27:15,235 --> 00:27:19,235 I've been commissioned. I'm getting paid. Screw you, Tomothy! 497 00:27:20,755 --> 00:27:23,594 All aboard the satirical cartoon gravy train! 498 00:27:23,595 --> 00:27:26,474 Next stop - Money Town! 499 00:27:26,475 --> 00:27:30,114 Why have I got whisker... Am I shitting? 500 00:27:30,115 --> 00:27:33,834 You're a fat cat trying to escape on a hot-air balloon marked 501 00:27:33,835 --> 00:27:36,914 "Corruption" and you're taking a big steaming shit 502 00:27:36,915 --> 00:27:39,154 onto all of the students down below you. 503 00:27:39,155 --> 00:27:42,434 But now, this sword with "Impeachment" written on it 504 00:27:42,435 --> 00:27:44,274 is about to cut off your head. 505 00:27:44,275 --> 00:27:45,514 It is a pretty good likeness, 506 00:27:45,515 --> 00:27:47,394 considering it's a cat taking a shit. 507 00:27:47,395 --> 00:27:50,954 Well, it's irrelevant because I've balanced the budget. 508 00:27:50,955 --> 00:27:54,034 Nightline, fell-walking - cut, cut, cut! 509 00:27:54,035 --> 00:27:57,074 Plus, I've told them that I've got an appointment for a yeast infection, 510 00:27:57,075 --> 00:27:59,314 so they pushed the vote back by two hours. 511 00:27:59,315 --> 00:28:03,315 Oh, no! The England game's tonight. Uh-oh! There goes the sports vote. 512 00:28:04,635 --> 00:28:06,954 Same old Oregon, same old shit! 513 00:28:06,955 --> 00:28:10,955 No! Actually, JP, new Oregon cos it's a new day, 514 00:28:12,955 --> 00:28:16,714 new outlook, new policies, new haircut, 515 00:28:16,715 --> 00:28:19,154 new ideas, new energy, new haircut. 516 00:28:19,155 --> 00:28:21,434 I am going to move on and I'm changing everything - 517 00:28:21,435 --> 00:28:23,234 new direction, new haircut. 518 00:28:23,235 --> 00:28:24,594 You keep saying new haircut. 519 00:28:24,595 --> 00:28:26,754 New haircut for a new president, 520 00:28:26,755 --> 00:28:30,755 for a new outlook on a new haircut to inspire new confidence. 521 00:28:33,355 --> 00:28:37,355 Vod, I need you to give me a new... haircut. 522 00:28:37,635 --> 00:28:41,635 Mm. 523 00:28:45,435 --> 00:28:47,274 So, I was thinking... 524 00:28:47,275 --> 00:28:51,275 All right, I could do that. 525 00:28:57,555 --> 00:28:59,154 OK. 526 00:28:59,155 --> 00:29:03,155 So what I've done is, I've gone too short on this side. 527 00:29:03,595 --> 00:29:06,234 So I can either go short on the other side 528 00:29:06,235 --> 00:29:09,674 or you can have slightly wonky hair. 529 00:29:09,675 --> 00:29:11,074 Um... 530 00:29:11,075 --> 00:29:15,075 All right. 531 00:29:20,875 --> 00:29:21,914 OK. 532 00:29:21,915 --> 00:29:25,915 So what's happened here is, I've gone even shorter on this side, 533 00:29:26,435 --> 00:29:30,435 but I'll just level it up. 534 00:29:33,155 --> 00:29:34,674 OK. 535 00:29:34,675 --> 00:29:38,194 Just to fill you in, basically, I've done the same thing again. 536 00:29:38,195 --> 00:29:41,354 Yeah, I think I should just abandon hair at this point. 537 00:29:41,355 --> 00:29:45,154 No president's ever been impeached. Do you know that? 538 00:29:45,155 --> 00:29:47,394 Apart from Muttock, but he wasn't impeached, 539 00:29:47,395 --> 00:29:51,234 he just went straight to prison for killing someone in a road accident. 540 00:29:51,235 --> 00:29:54,354 I don't know how I ended here, Vod. 541 00:29:54,355 --> 00:29:57,314 Maybe Idi Amin started by setting up a boutique literary award 542 00:29:57,315 --> 00:29:59,514 and then a few things go sideways 543 00:29:59,515 --> 00:30:03,515 and boom! You're the tyrant queen that killed Night-Line. 544 00:30:05,955 --> 00:30:08,314 Is that going to be my legacy? 545 00:30:08,315 --> 00:30:10,994 Oregon, this isn't over. 546 00:30:10,995 --> 00:30:14,995 You walk in there and you let your natural charm speak for itself! 547 00:30:16,475 --> 00:30:19,434 What natural charm? 548 00:30:19,435 --> 00:30:23,435 You know. Don't pretend you don't know. I know you know. 549 00:30:25,955 --> 00:30:27,994 You so know! 550 00:30:27,995 --> 00:30:31,634 I guess I could try and switch it on. 551 00:30:31,635 --> 00:30:35,635 Come on. Let's even this up. 552 00:30:36,275 --> 00:30:40,275 OK. 553 00:30:46,915 --> 00:30:50,915 OK. What's happened here is... 554 00:30:51,595 --> 00:30:54,834 All I'm saying is, it's good that Vod is helping you with the party. 555 00:30:54,835 --> 00:30:57,874 This way, you can focus on your study. 556 00:30:57,875 --> 00:31:00,794 Well, that certainly seems to be a very safe way of looking at things, 557 00:31:00,795 --> 00:31:04,795 Rosa. Very safe, very neutral. 558 00:31:04,995 --> 00:31:06,594 You need to focus on your finals. 559 00:31:06,595 --> 00:31:10,595 A daily reminder of my finals - regular as the 9.30 from Zurich. 560 00:31:10,995 --> 00:31:12,354 There you go. 561 00:31:12,355 --> 00:31:14,314 Move out of the way, Mum! 562 00:31:14,315 --> 00:31:18,315 [HE HUMS] 563 00:31:23,635 --> 00:31:27,394 Mmm... ma mia! This looks amazing! 564 00:31:27,395 --> 00:31:29,074 I fucking love chicken nuggets! 565 00:31:29,075 --> 00:31:33,075 Thanks, sweetheart, thanks, darling, thanks, love! 566 00:31:38,555 --> 00:31:41,354 Chicken fucking nuggets! Fucking result! 567 00:31:41,355 --> 00:31:44,994 I am going to fucking smash these chicken fucking nuggets! 568 00:31:44,995 --> 00:31:48,995 Yeah, I might eat this in my room. 569 00:31:56,675 --> 00:32:00,675 So, I have tried and failed to master the dark art of street magic. 570 00:32:02,115 --> 00:32:03,314 And now, boys and girls, 571 00:32:03,315 --> 00:32:07,315 for my next trick, I will make my career prospects disappear! 572 00:32:08,635 --> 00:32:12,635 Abra and indeed cadabra! 573 00:32:13,955 --> 00:32:15,994 - Is that a trick, Howard? - No. 574 00:32:15,995 --> 00:32:18,594 It's just the actions of a man who no longer requires a watch, 575 00:32:18,595 --> 00:32:20,954 be it for appointment or interview. 576 00:32:20,955 --> 00:32:22,034 Sorry, brah. 577 00:32:22,035 --> 00:32:24,074 I'm going to have to call John at Ordnance Survey 578 00:32:24,075 --> 00:32:26,594 and request that my application be officially withdrawn. 579 00:32:26,595 --> 00:32:30,595 Theme of the Grad Ball. The theme is Carnage. 580 00:32:31,395 --> 00:32:33,674 Like... 581 00:32:33,675 --> 00:32:35,754 Chain-saw artists, Wheel of Death, 582 00:32:35,755 --> 00:32:39,594 a woman in iron pants making sparks with an angle grinder. 583 00:32:39,595 --> 00:32:40,634 That sounds horrific. 584 00:32:40,635 --> 00:32:44,314 Kingo, I'll focus on the bigger picture. You sort out the details. 585 00:32:44,315 --> 00:32:47,154 What, you're Florence, I'm just the fucking Machine? 586 00:32:47,155 --> 00:32:49,874 Try to ignore the whirring sound. That's just the Machine doing 587 00:32:49,875 --> 00:32:53,674 - all the fucking work while Florence fucks about in a floaty dress! - Well, that's the deal. 588 00:32:53,675 --> 00:32:57,474 - Unless you want to sort it on your own. - All right. Fine, fine. 589 00:32:57,475 --> 00:32:59,834 All right, compromise. 590 00:32:59,835 --> 00:33:00,954 Cheese and Carnage. 591 00:33:00,955 --> 00:33:02,674 Well, we might as well start. 592 00:33:02,675 --> 00:33:05,274 It looks like this is all we're getting. 593 00:33:05,275 --> 00:33:08,194 Our motion is clear. 594 00:33:08,195 --> 00:33:11,914 Oregon, throughout your tenure, we believe you've shown 595 00:33:11,915 --> 00:33:15,554 a lack of leadership, a lack of judgment, 596 00:33:15,555 --> 00:33:19,555 a lack of character. Actually, you have a weak character, Oregon. 597 00:33:20,035 --> 00:33:23,914 And I think I speak on behalf of a majority of the student body 598 00:33:23,915 --> 00:33:27,915 when I say, with regret, we have no confidence in you. 599 00:33:30,275 --> 00:33:34,275 [APPLAUSE] 600 00:33:35,875 --> 00:33:38,954 Firstly, I would like to thank everybody for coming out 601 00:33:38,955 --> 00:33:42,955 tonight and missing the crucial Moldova qualifier. 602 00:33:43,275 --> 00:33:47,074 It gives me the perfect opportunity to announce that we, I, 603 00:33:47,075 --> 00:33:50,634 have finally balanced the budget. 604 00:33:50,635 --> 00:33:54,635 We, I, have had a lot of tough decisions to make and we, I, 605 00:33:55,795 --> 00:33:59,154 have always had the best interests of the student body at heart. 606 00:33:59,155 --> 00:34:00,674 What about the turbot? 607 00:34:00,675 --> 00:34:03,954 We know about the receipts. 608 00:34:03,955 --> 00:34:07,514 What receipts? 609 00:34:07,515 --> 00:34:11,515 Er... OK. If I could deal specifically with the turbot... 610 00:34:12,875 --> 00:34:16,875 Let's get straight into this, shall we? Votes against impeachment. 611 00:34:17,795 --> 00:34:21,314 - Is that us? - Yeah. 612 00:34:21,315 --> 00:34:25,315 Oi, Dynamo! Levitate yourself out of that fucking seat right now! 613 00:34:30,835 --> 00:34:34,834 OK. Votes for impeachment. 614 00:34:34,835 --> 00:34:35,874 Wait! 615 00:34:35,875 --> 00:34:39,875 Er, if I could, before they sit down again, everybody, 616 00:34:41,155 --> 00:34:45,155 I have something I need to tell you. 617 00:34:45,915 --> 00:34:49,915 Oh, God! 618 00:34:51,635 --> 00:34:55,354 Let them bring on all their problems 619 00:34:55,355 --> 00:34:59,074 I'll do better than my best 620 00:34:59,075 --> 00:35:02,354 I have confidence you'll put me to the test 621 00:35:02,355 --> 00:35:05,114 But I'll make you see I have confidence in me! 622 00:35:05,115 --> 00:35:08,314 - Come on, everybody! Join in! - You're on your own, mate. 623 00:35:08,315 --> 00:35:11,394 I have confidence in sunshine 624 00:35:11,395 --> 00:35:14,634 I have confidence in rain 625 00:35:14,635 --> 00:35:17,634 I have confidence that spring will come again 626 00:35:17,635 --> 00:35:21,635 So I'll make you see I have confidence in meee! 627 00:35:25,715 --> 00:35:27,714 [SHE LAUGHS] 628 00:35:27,715 --> 00:35:31,715 [MICROPHONE BUZZES] 629 00:35:35,475 --> 00:35:39,475 [OREGON LAUGHS] 630 00:35:41,315 --> 00:35:45,315 The higher you build your barriers... 631 00:35:45,955 --> 00:35:47,474 I thought we were going to have 632 00:35:47,475 --> 00:35:49,954 to helicopter her out of the Quad like Ceausescu. 633 00:35:49,955 --> 00:35:53,274 It was when she started singing Man In The Mirror that I knew she was in trouble. 634 00:35:53,275 --> 00:35:55,154 Found these under the mat. 635 00:35:55,155 --> 00:35:59,155 Oh? Oh, you are joking me! 636 00:35:59,515 --> 00:36:01,674 I'm just drowning in red ink! 637 00:36:01,675 --> 00:36:05,675 Um, I'm just off the phone to John at Ordnance Survey 638 00:36:06,235 --> 00:36:08,794 and I came clean about my CV. 639 00:36:08,795 --> 00:36:11,674 I told him it was just a sexed-up dossier of mistruths 640 00:36:11,675 --> 00:36:15,675 printed on a tissue of lies, and he said he admired my honesty. 641 00:36:16,155 --> 00:36:19,674 And so, if I get a First, the job's mine. 642 00:36:19,675 --> 00:36:21,994 Holy shit, bro! Wax up the Oyster card 643 00:36:21,995 --> 00:36:25,995 and buy some pepper spray! You're moving to London! 644 00:36:29,235 --> 00:36:33,235 Mole? Um... you've got a deal. 645 00:36:34,315 --> 00:36:38,315 Yeah, you can do security. Yeah, and drugs. 646 00:36:41,035 --> 00:36:43,954 'Yeah, he'd be cool with that. Yeah.' 647 00:36:43,955 --> 00:36:45,634 It was me, by the way. 648 00:36:45,635 --> 00:36:49,154 I gave the Blaster your number and told them you were good at cartoons. 649 00:36:49,155 --> 00:36:50,834 Oh, thanks. 650 00:36:50,835 --> 00:36:53,714 I've been thinking about our little trade agreement. 651 00:36:53,715 --> 00:36:57,314 Maybe I could impose a sort of import ban. 652 00:36:57,315 --> 00:37:01,315 You know, not import from any non-Josie territories, 653 00:37:01,995 --> 00:37:04,914 withdraw from the EU. 654 00:37:04,915 --> 00:37:08,915 JP, I think that maybe we shouldn't. 655 00:37:09,955 --> 00:37:12,474 We need to stop. 656 00:37:12,475 --> 00:37:14,474 It's over. 657 00:37:14,475 --> 00:37:18,475 Yeah, good. No, I mean... cos that was my other idea, so... 658 00:37:20,195 --> 00:37:24,195 Oh, and, er, the Blaster said sorry but, um... 659 00:37:25,195 --> 00:37:26,634 ...this is all they could give you. 660 00:37:26,635 --> 00:37:30,635 MUSIC: Free Money by Patti Smith 661 00:37:38,235 --> 00:37:42,235 [HE SIGHS] 662 00:37:42,275 --> 00:37:46,275 Tomothy, it's me. I'll do it. I'll take the job. 663 00:37:49,715 --> 00:37:53,715 Just please, please, please turn the pipe back on. 664 00:37:57,435 --> 00:38:01,435 Every night before I rest my head 665 00:38:05,035 --> 00:38:09,035 See those dollar bills go swirling round my bed 666 00:38:12,355 --> 00:38:16,355 I know they're stolen But I don't feel bad 667 00:38:19,195 --> 00:38:23,195 I take that money Buy you things you never had. 668 00:38:23,196 --> 00:38:25,196 Subtitle by peritta 669 00:38:25,246 --> 00:38:29,796 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 52712

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