Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,062
Subtitle by peritta
2
00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:10,026
Beats By Dre, ?199.
3
00:00:11,421 --> 00:00:13,620
Abo & Fitch,
4
00:00:13,621 --> 00:00:17,260
?79.95.
5
00:00:17,261 --> 00:00:19,660
SHB Vehicle Hire,
6
00:00:19,661 --> 00:00:22,460
?69.
7
00:00:22,461 --> 00:00:24,980
That's actually bloody decent
for a quad bike rental.
8
00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:27,980
Jack Wills...
9
00:00:27,981 --> 00:00:30,220
Now, please can you just understand
10
00:00:30,221 --> 00:00:34,221
that this was
for an entire winter look.
11
00:00:34,261 --> 00:00:38,220
...?467.55.
12
00:00:38,221 --> 00:00:39,820
The Sock Factory...
13
00:00:39,821 --> 00:00:43,300
That's the name of a website, not
an actual factory that I bought...
14
00:00:43,301 --> 00:00:46,900
Enough. Seriously.
Before I puke up my cheesy frites.
15
00:00:46,901 --> 00:00:49,980
I set you up for an interview
with Magda at Jonty Bonty
16
00:00:49,981 --> 00:00:51,500
and you do what?
17
00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:53,300
I fucked it.
18
00:00:53,301 --> 00:00:57,301
Yeah. You fucked it.
In all available holes.
19
00:00:57,621 --> 00:01:00,820
Fanny, mouth, arse and a bollock
up each nostril.
20
00:01:00,821 --> 00:01:04,380
- I tried. Really hard...
- No, I know what you did Jonathan.
21
00:01:04,381 --> 00:01:08,381
I wasn't born Tuesday,
AKA yesterday.
22
00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:12,220
Well - that is it.
I'm disconnecting the pipe.
23
00:01:12,221 --> 00:01:13,540
What pipe?
24
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,900
The money pipe, Jonathan.
25
00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:17,900
I've sorted you a job.
26
00:01:17,901 --> 00:01:20,140
Junior position, shit pay.
27
00:01:20,141 --> 00:01:24,141
Until you accept,
you are officially cut off.
28
00:02:00,981 --> 00:02:04,060
- Oregon?
- Oh, I'm just, erm, burning some poems.
29
00:02:04,061 --> 00:02:05,940
Right. The, er, competition.
30
00:02:05,941 --> 00:02:09,660
Yeah. Bit of a "poetry
surplus" scenario.
31
00:02:09,661 --> 00:02:13,500
But I mean, you have read them
all, though?
32
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,460
I've read them. Yeah.
33
00:02:16,461 --> 00:02:18,380
I've nearly read most of
these poems.
34
00:02:18,381 --> 00:02:21,500
Do you think that you should
maybe... come clean?
35
00:02:21,501 --> 00:02:22,700
Come clean about what?
36
00:02:22,701 --> 00:02:26,701
- Taking 20 grand and wasting it
on a poetry prize. - It's not wasted!
37
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:29,900
Arts. Legacy.
38
00:02:29,901 --> 00:02:32,140
Patronage.
39
00:02:32,141 --> 00:02:34,140
It's OK.
40
00:02:34,141 --> 00:02:38,141
Everything's basically
going to be OK.
41
00:02:38,581 --> 00:02:41,060
Right. Back to the bonfire!
42
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:45,061
- I'll get marshmallows!
- OK.
43
00:03:01,261 --> 00:03:03,740
- I make that precisely Bonk o'...
- [GIRL GASPS]
44
00:03:03,741 --> 00:03:05,740
...clock.
45
00:03:05,741 --> 00:03:08,500
Oh, God.
46
00:03:08,501 --> 00:03:10,460
Oh. Hello?
47
00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:14,461
- Sorry...
- No! No, God, I'm sorry, I... I should've knocked.
48
00:03:16,341 --> 00:03:20,341
Erm... But this is great.
Erm, you two just crack on.
49
00:03:20,381 --> 00:03:22,460
Give him a... bloody good bonking,
50
00:03:22,461 --> 00:03:26,461
and I... I shall take my leave!
51
00:03:31,661 --> 00:03:34,220
He's a clever, clever bastard.
52
00:03:34,221 --> 00:03:36,860
He's isolated my one weakness.
53
00:03:36,861 --> 00:03:38,740
Poverty.
54
00:03:38,741 --> 00:03:41,020
Poverty is like my Kryptonite.
55
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:43,780
I think poverty is everyone's
Kryptonite, JP.
56
00:03:43,781 --> 00:03:46,820
You know what? It's fine,
I can do it.
57
00:03:46,821 --> 00:03:49,900
I can live on the breadline.
It'll be fucking fun!
58
00:03:49,901 --> 00:03:52,820
Shopping around for deals,
using vouchers for Prezzo.
59
00:03:52,821 --> 00:03:56,300
Oh, yeah. I mean, if you get really
strapped you could always
60
00:03:56,301 --> 00:04:00,100
sell your collection of antique
Edwardian nutcrackers.
61
00:04:00,101 --> 00:04:04,101
Yes, Vod. Or, we could bring out
our mutual friend, Cunty Landlord.
62
00:04:04,301 --> 00:04:06,620
"Oh. Hello, Cunty, how are
you today?"
63
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:10,020
[DEEP VOICE]: "I'm fine, thank you,
JP. Has Vod paid her rent this week?"
64
00:04:10,021 --> 00:04:12,220
"No. She hasn't, Cunty."
65
00:04:12,221 --> 00:04:13,860
All right. Easy.
66
00:04:13,861 --> 00:04:16,980
Got more angry paper.
67
00:04:16,981 --> 00:04:20,981
It's so red. So angry.
68
00:04:22,301 --> 00:04:25,420
Oggs. More poetry for you.
69
00:04:25,421 --> 00:04:27,700
Right. I'll get the wheelbarrow.
70
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:31,701
It just all seems a bit... indulgent,
a bit... braggy.
71
00:04:31,941 --> 00:04:34,020
- A bit "Look at me."
- Howard, it's a CV, mate.
72
00:04:34,021 --> 00:04:35,820
It's supposed to be a BIT
"Look at me."
73
00:04:35,821 --> 00:04:37,300
I don't like to boast.
74
00:04:37,301 --> 00:04:39,500
I'm small-headed.
Though ironically
75
00:04:39,501 --> 00:04:42,020
when it comes to helmet rental
I always come up large.
76
00:04:42,021 --> 00:04:43,980
It's Ordnance Survey. OK.
77
00:04:43,981 --> 00:04:47,981
They've probably got 28,000
candidates for that one position.
78
00:04:48,261 --> 00:04:50,740
Oh - quick warning,
I've got Bad-Soc this afternoon
79
00:04:50,741 --> 00:04:53,220
so don't expect any sense
out of me tonight!
80
00:04:53,221 --> 00:04:57,140
Ooh... Badminton. The last
refuge of the fucking loser.
81
00:04:57,141 --> 00:05:00,020
Mind your backs.
82
00:05:00,021 --> 00:05:03,900
Er, Vod. This isn't Badminton,
this is Radminton.
83
00:05:03,901 --> 00:05:05,260
More like... Sadminton.
84
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:07,020
More like Madminton.
85
00:05:07,021 --> 00:05:11,021
Last week, we ended up doing
vodka shots out of a shuttlecock.
86
00:05:11,781 --> 00:05:13,940
- Shuttlecocks have got holes in them?
- Exactly!
87
00:05:13,941 --> 00:05:15,660
Cos that's how fucking mad we are.
88
00:05:15,661 --> 00:05:18,820
So... yeah, I'm pretty much set up
for friends next year.
89
00:05:18,821 --> 00:05:22,821
Game, set and trashed.
90
00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:29,701
It's from Fulbright. The scholarship
people. That's going to be me, Vod.
91
00:05:30,461 --> 00:05:33,740
Stroking books and just... laughing.
92
00:05:33,741 --> 00:05:35,020
Great.
93
00:05:35,021 --> 00:05:39,021
Professor Dumblefuck's International
School of Book-Stroking.
94
00:05:42,021 --> 00:05:44,460
Hmm...
95
00:05:44,461 --> 00:05:48,461
I think I may sell these
nutcrackers after all.
96
00:05:52,861 --> 00:05:54,740
How's the novella?
97
00:05:54,741 --> 00:05:57,460
It's a novel.
98
00:05:57,461 --> 00:05:59,340
Course it is.
99
00:05:59,341 --> 00:06:02,420
Well... thanks for pitching in
with the reading.
100
00:06:02,421 --> 00:06:03,820
Pleasure.
101
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:06,580
And thus did
I decamp to fair Buxton,
102
00:06:06,581 --> 00:06:08,980
and therein did immerse
myself in verse.
103
00:06:08,981 --> 00:06:10,300
The majority of which,
104
00:06:10,301 --> 00:06:14,301
sorry to conjure, were
read in a Radox-filled bubble bath.
105
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,700
- What's this?
- Those are my receipts, Oregon.
106
00:06:16,701 --> 00:06:19,340
That you very kindly offered to
cover in lieu of my standard
107
00:06:19,341 --> 00:06:23,341
- reader's fee.
- Three grand?!
108
00:06:24,181 --> 00:06:26,300
Johnnie Walker?
109
00:06:26,301 --> 00:06:28,460
Turbot?
110
00:06:28,461 --> 00:06:30,180
What the fuck is a Belvedere?
111
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,420
It's a type of cigar.
112
00:06:33,421 --> 00:06:36,340
Is that a new cardie?
113
00:06:36,341 --> 00:06:37,940
Have you had your teeth whitened?
114
00:06:37,941 --> 00:06:40,700
Oregon, that is an
outrageous accusation,
115
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:43,500
that really is from the
bottom drawer.
116
00:06:43,501 --> 00:06:47,100
How am I supposed to get three grand
of turbot past accounts?
117
00:06:47,101 --> 00:06:49,300
This thing is spiralling.
118
00:06:49,301 --> 00:06:53,301
Oregon, if you're struggling,
just reach out and ask for help.
119
00:06:55,741 --> 00:06:58,700
No, it's fine. I can bury it.
120
00:06:58,701 --> 00:07:01,900
These... will not be a problem.
121
00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:04,140
I can just make the necessary...
122
00:07:04,141 --> 00:07:06,380
adjustments to the budget.
123
00:07:06,381 --> 00:07:10,180
Everything will be...
124
00:07:10,181 --> 00:07:14,181
Those are new fucking shoes, Tony.
I can see the soles!
125
00:07:19,101 --> 00:07:21,540
Have you seen where they're holding
the Graduation Ball?
126
00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:23,300
Fucking Distractions!
127
00:07:23,301 --> 00:07:24,700
Oh... I like Distractions.
128
00:07:24,701 --> 00:07:26,020
It's a worm-pit.
129
00:07:26,021 --> 00:07:29,380
It's basically a portal to hell
with a chewy toothbrush dispenser.
130
00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:33,381
The DJ wears a funny wig.
It is a solid night out.
131
00:07:35,381 --> 00:07:39,381
It was like a green quiff,
if you can imagine such a thing.
132
00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:43,780
I mean, why not go all out and hold
it in the fucking Wild Bean Cafe?!
133
00:07:43,781 --> 00:07:45,180
That's not as mad as it sounds.
134
00:07:45,181 --> 00:07:47,620
If you don't like it, why don't
YOU sort something, Kingo?
135
00:07:47,621 --> 00:07:50,220
Oh, yeah, Vod -
I'll sort something out.
136
00:07:50,221 --> 00:07:52,020
Cos that's the sort of thing
that happens.
137
00:07:52,021 --> 00:07:53,300
"Oh, let's have a party.
138
00:07:53,301 --> 00:07:55,820
"What sort of records
will I play at my party?
139
00:07:55,821 --> 00:07:57,660
"Where will all the people
put their coats?
140
00:07:57,661 --> 00:08:00,460
"Or should I just put all
the coats in a big bag?"
141
00:08:00,461 --> 00:08:04,420
Wake up, Vod, fuck's sake. Huh?
142
00:08:04,421 --> 00:08:08,421
Alternative Grad Ball.
Think about it.
143
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:11,260
So... I have a first draft.
144
00:08:11,261 --> 00:08:12,700
My CV.
145
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:16,701
The life and times
of Howard Redacted MacGregor.
146
00:08:17,141 --> 00:08:20,220
The first thing you'll notice
is the impeccable formatting.
147
00:08:20,221 --> 00:08:23,140
And then almost immediately your eye
will be drawn to a jarring blend
148
00:08:23,141 --> 00:08:26,140
blend of fonts -
Avenir Medium for the body
149
00:08:26,141 --> 00:08:28,860
and Franklin Gothic Bold
for the headers.
150
00:08:28,861 --> 00:08:32,861
A kind of niggling disparity
which wills you to look away but
151
00:08:33,181 --> 00:08:34,940
of course, you cannot.
152
00:08:34,941 --> 00:08:37,540
- Instep?
- Blood group?
153
00:08:37,541 --> 00:08:40,300
- Potted dental history?
- Oh - can I see that?
154
00:08:40,301 --> 00:08:42,420
Hobbies and interests, N/A?
155
00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:44,380
Not applicable.
156
00:08:44,381 --> 00:08:47,300
I did not know that
about your premolars.
157
00:08:47,301 --> 00:08:49,540
You need interests, Howard.
Just put anything.
158
00:08:49,541 --> 00:08:52,140
- I could put vintage Japanese erotica.
- Yeah, don't put that.
159
00:08:52,141 --> 00:08:54,140
Even your teeth make you
sound weird.
160
00:08:54,141 --> 00:08:55,940
Just make something up, Howard. Lie.
161
00:08:55,941 --> 00:08:59,941
Well... I'm off to "Lee Dull"...?
162
00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:03,420
Lie-Dull?
163
00:09:03,421 --> 00:09:07,421
The horrible place
with the free food.
164
00:09:10,101 --> 00:09:14,060
Josie... I'm a bit confused,
165
00:09:14,061 --> 00:09:17,100
Do you think maybe we could have
a little chat about our trade agreement?
166
00:09:17,101 --> 00:09:20,700
Re. er, docking at Smuggler's Cove.
167
00:09:20,701 --> 00:09:23,220
Probably my least favourite
vagina euphemism.
168
00:09:23,221 --> 00:09:25,100
So, just to clarify -
169
00:09:25,101 --> 00:09:28,380
erm, I am... still free to, er,
170
00:09:28,381 --> 00:09:31,260
trade my bananas with other
interested regions?
171
00:09:31,261 --> 00:09:32,740
No, JP.
172
00:09:32,741 --> 00:09:34,500
Because I'm so in love with you.
173
00:09:34,501 --> 00:09:36,100
[SARCASTICALLY]
"Oh, Josie loves JP!
174
00:09:36,101 --> 00:09:38,300
"Maybe she should get him
a Valentine's card!"
175
00:09:38,301 --> 00:09:40,420
Basically, I wouldn't be that upset
if you died -
176
00:09:40,421 --> 00:09:43,980
- I mean, I'd be sad, but I'd rally
pretty bloody quickly.
177
00:09:43,981 --> 00:09:47,540
So... yeah, maybe we should just
forget the whole thing.
178
00:09:47,541 --> 00:09:50,900
Oh. Fine, yeah, I mean... you know.
If that's what you want?
179
00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:54,901
Well, that way you don't have to
worry about me barging in on you when you're balls-deep.
180
00:09:55,141 --> 00:09:58,900
- Do you really want to
know what this is? - Yes.
181
00:09:58,901 --> 00:10:02,140
It's a fuck-fest free-for-all,
and we're just two horny atoms
182
00:10:02,141 --> 00:10:06,141
who keep... accidentally
smashing into each other. Capiche?
183
00:10:06,581 --> 00:10:09,100
Yeah. Capiche.
184
00:10:09,101 --> 00:10:11,060
I'm really glad we cleared that up.
185
00:10:11,061 --> 00:10:15,061
Good. Now I'm cocking off.
For now - we badminton!
186
00:10:20,941 --> 00:10:24,941
MUSIC: Kids In America
by Kim Wilde
187
00:10:48,821 --> 00:10:52,821
Shuttlecock shot!
188
00:10:52,981 --> 00:10:55,060
Ohhhh!
189
00:10:55,061 --> 00:10:59,060
We only need 15 more and then
we can move for impeachment.
190
00:10:59,061 --> 00:11:02,620
It's a petition. To have Oregon
Shawcross kicked out of office.
191
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:04,900
Yeah, sorry. I can't sign this.
192
00:11:04,901 --> 00:11:06,860
Erm, she's actually
a friend of mine.
193
00:11:06,861 --> 00:11:09,860
She's running this union
into the ground.
194
00:11:09,861 --> 00:11:13,861
Slashing resources and jizzing away
God-knows-how much on her thing.
195
00:11:14,261 --> 00:11:17,940
Think you better go.
196
00:11:17,941 --> 00:11:19,500
Dale?
197
00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:23,501
Guys... Seriously?
You want me to go?
198
00:11:25,461 --> 00:11:29,461
I'm Jumping Josie Jones.
The mad slag of Bad-Soc.
199
00:11:30,021 --> 00:11:32,620
I just don't think that you'd be
particularly comfortable,
200
00:11:32,621 --> 00:11:36,260
with the kind of activism
WE'VE got in mind.
201
00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:37,940
Like what?
202
00:11:37,941 --> 00:11:41,941
We are going to burn an effigy
of Oregon in the quad.
203
00:11:42,061 --> 00:11:45,100
Wow. OK, yeah. Erm...
204
00:11:45,101 --> 00:11:49,101
first off can I just say,
and this didn't come from me...
205
00:11:50,021 --> 00:11:52,460
Burn the witch, burn the witch,
burn the witch!
206
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:55,940
Erm... I'm just joking obviously,
she is a really great friend but...
207
00:11:55,941 --> 00:11:57,940
You 'know, any information you could
give us...
208
00:11:57,941 --> 00:12:00,144
would be really appreciated.
209
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:17,372
So, I've been thinking about this
Alternative Grad Ball.
210
00:12:17,373 --> 00:12:19,732
I think it could look pretty
good on the old CV.
211
00:12:19,733 --> 00:12:23,733
Plus, bit of a cheeky middle digit
up to those goons at 6Music.
212
00:12:24,213 --> 00:12:27,052
My first question as a punter is,
will it be boring?
213
00:12:27,053 --> 00:12:30,052
Why would it be boring?
214
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:31,892
I do need your help.
215
00:12:31,893 --> 00:12:35,893
You've got 60 seconds then
I must get back to the books.
216
00:12:36,933 --> 00:12:38,412
Right. Theme?
217
00:12:38,413 --> 00:12:40,932
Oh, erm, Carnevale di Venezia.
218
00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:44,612
- So, Carnival of Venice. A masked ball.
- So an orgy?
219
00:12:44,613 --> 00:12:48,132
Not an orgy. Like a warehouse party,
but in a marquee?
220
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,532
Italian Hard House.
221
00:12:49,533 --> 00:12:52,932
You know, like a rave but, erm,
sort of with cheese?
222
00:12:52,933 --> 00:12:56,933
A classy masked rave in a large
tent, with loads of cheese?
223
00:12:57,053 --> 00:12:59,452
Right, let's talk toilets.
224
00:12:59,453 --> 00:13:03,453
One unit per ten females, er,
trough-style urinals for the blokes.
225
00:13:04,013 --> 00:13:06,612
Speak to the farmer whose
field it is, he'll, er,
226
00:13:06,613 --> 00:13:09,732
let you dump your turds in his silo
and that way you'll save on pumpage.
227
00:13:09,733 --> 00:13:12,692
- Next?
- Um...
228
00:13:12,693 --> 00:13:16,252
So, erm, yeah, er,
so in terms of types of cheese,
229
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:19,532
I was thinking, erm, Grana Padano
and Pecorino Romano?
230
00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:23,533
Dude, you've got 15 seconds left and
you want to ask me about cheese?
231
00:13:23,733 --> 00:13:26,172
- Erm... no?
- What about car-parking?
232
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:28,652
Ticketing, wrist-bands, security,
233
00:13:28,653 --> 00:13:31,732
insurance, rigging,
lighting, gaffers?
234
00:13:31,733 --> 00:13:35,012
Stage-hire, roadies,
hand-stampers, and that's time.
235
00:13:35,013 --> 00:13:38,092
Where the fuck am I going to find
hand-stampers?
236
00:13:38,093 --> 00:13:41,492
Kingsley, are you sure you should be
taking this on with your finals?
237
00:13:41,493 --> 00:13:44,092
Oh, where's my wooden board?
238
00:13:44,093 --> 00:13:48,093
I like it on a wooden board.
It tastes better on a wooden board.
239
00:13:48,733 --> 00:13:52,292
[SHE MUTTERS IN ITALIAN]
240
00:13:52,293 --> 00:13:53,652
What is with all the muttering?
241
00:13:53,653 --> 00:13:56,012
I don't know, but she just
put my panini in the bin.
242
00:13:56,013 --> 00:14:00,013
Oh, shit, she's coming back.
243
00:14:02,333 --> 00:14:04,132
Well...
244
00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:06,132
There's the famous Latin
temperament.
245
00:14:06,133 --> 00:14:08,012
I mean, I don't know what
I expected?
246
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:11,572
If you dip your dick into Mount
Etna, you're going to get burnt.
247
00:14:11,573 --> 00:14:15,572
Er, good luck with organising
your marquee for your orgy.
248
00:14:15,581 --> 00:14:19,573
Oh, erm, I was thinking,
60 quid a ticket? Is that right?
249
00:14:19,813 --> 00:14:22,366
Cos, like, 60 times 1,000...
250
00:14:22,381 --> 00:14:24,528
I mean, I should be able to set up
some sort of pop-up
251
00:14:24,535 --> 00:14:28,535
charcuterie store with 60,000 quid.
Right?
252
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,047
Right.
253
00:14:30,061 --> 00:14:33,808
I mean, forget about the books,
how about I give you a hand?
254
00:14:33,816 --> 00:14:37,815
I know a field and it's fallow
as fuck.
255
00:14:40,933 --> 00:14:44,936
Just a few details before we
can proceed with your emergency hardship application.
256
00:14:45,173 --> 00:14:48,412
Please. Take your time.
257
00:14:48,413 --> 00:14:50,092
It's just nice to be warm.
258
00:14:50,093 --> 00:14:53,172
Can I ask what your, er,
living status is, Jonathan?
259
00:14:53,173 --> 00:14:54,772
Landlord.
260
00:14:54,773 --> 00:14:56,612
You're a homeowner?
261
00:14:56,613 --> 00:14:58,492
I am asset-rich but cash-poor.
262
00:14:58,493 --> 00:15:00,692
Which, I don't know whether
you know, Janet,
263
00:15:00,693 --> 00:15:03,772
is just an absolute fucker.
264
00:15:03,773 --> 00:15:07,212
Can I ask what your household
income is? In terms of your parents?
265
00:15:07,213 --> 00:15:11,132
Respectfully, I'd prefer not
to disclose that as I feel it
266
00:15:11,133 --> 00:15:14,372
may negatively influence
the outcome of my application.
267
00:15:14,373 --> 00:15:16,852
Just so you're aware, based on
what you've told me, I think
268
00:15:16,853 --> 00:15:18,332
it's highly unlikely...
269
00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:21,372
Why?! Because of my bearing?
270
00:15:21,373 --> 00:15:23,812
Let me tell you a little story.
271
00:15:23,813 --> 00:15:26,452
Christopher Biggins.
272
00:15:26,453 --> 00:15:30,453
Privately-educated, very popular
entertainer... Bankrupt!
273
00:15:31,293 --> 00:15:33,052
It happens.
274
00:15:33,053 --> 00:15:36,892
And at this point, with regret,
it has become necessary for me
275
00:15:36,893 --> 00:15:39,212
to ask for assistance
from the state.
276
00:15:39,213 --> 00:15:40,932
We have limited resources
277
00:15:40,933 --> 00:15:44,012
and with the recent cuts
we have to focus our funding.
278
00:15:44,013 --> 00:15:45,772
Oregon.
279
00:15:45,773 --> 00:15:49,773
Fucking Oregon.
280
00:15:56,013 --> 00:15:57,532
Don't freak. I repeat.
281
00:15:57,533 --> 00:16:01,533
Do not freak.
Blink if you understand.
282
00:16:02,013 --> 00:16:04,092
Apparently there's a petition
going round.
283
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:06,852
They've got 100 signatures.
284
00:16:06,853 --> 00:16:10,853
They've triggered a vote of no
confidence. I am so sorry, Oregon.
285
00:16:11,293 --> 00:16:13,452
They're moving to impeach.
286
00:16:13,453 --> 00:16:16,852
[CAMERA FLASH]
287
00:16:16,853 --> 00:16:19,852
[CAMERA FLASH]
288
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:21,252
Impeachment!
289
00:16:21,253 --> 00:16:22,812
They're trying to overthrow me!
290
00:16:22,813 --> 00:16:26,813
Midway through planting a crabapple
tree and they drop this shit on me.
291
00:16:26,933 --> 00:16:28,372
100 names.
292
00:16:28,373 --> 00:16:30,092
The Traitor Menu.
293
00:16:30,093 --> 00:16:34,093
I mean, I'm not putting them
on a watch list, but...
294
00:16:34,253 --> 00:16:36,612
Mmm, your girlfriend signed this.
295
00:16:36,613 --> 00:16:38,172
What can I tell you? La Donna.
296
00:16:38,173 --> 00:16:39,532
She's her own animal.
297
00:16:39,533 --> 00:16:43,132
God, I wish she'd just
fuck off back to Switzerland.
298
00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:44,572
Erm, Italy.
299
00:16:44,573 --> 00:16:46,972
Why would she fuck off back
to Italy?
300
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,652
Because she's from Italy.
301
00:16:48,653 --> 00:16:50,692
She might fuck off via Switzerland.
302
00:16:50,693 --> 00:16:52,852
- She's not Italian.
- She's totally Italian.
303
00:16:52,853 --> 00:16:56,252
No! She speaks Italian because she's
from one of the Italian cantons
304
00:16:56,253 --> 00:16:57,572
in Switzerland.
305
00:16:57,573 --> 00:17:00,172
Italian cantons of Switzerland?
You just made that up!
306
00:17:00,173 --> 00:17:04,092
You know, Switzerland. Chocolate.
Cuckoo clocks. Dignitas.
307
00:17:04,093 --> 00:17:07,492
Nom-nom-nom-nom. Cuckoo!
308
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:10,252
Switzerland? Famously stayed out of
World War II?
309
00:17:10,253 --> 00:17:14,172
Ironic considering the politics
of your Nazi, fucking wife.
310
00:17:14,173 --> 00:17:16,412
Swiss...
311
00:17:16,413 --> 00:17:19,492
Hmm, Switzerland?
312
00:17:19,493 --> 00:17:22,612
[ECHOING]: 'My Swiss girlfriend,
Swiss girlfriend, Swiss girlfriend,
313
00:17:22,613 --> 00:17:25,412
'Swiss girlfriend...'
314
00:17:25,413 --> 00:17:26,932
So, what's your next move?
315
00:17:26,933 --> 00:17:30,052
Well, I've got until the vote at 8pm
tomorrow to balance the budget
316
00:17:30,053 --> 00:17:31,692
and get the books straight,
317
00:17:31,693 --> 00:17:35,693
meanwhile I'm tit-high in Tony's
fucking turbot.
318
00:17:37,813 --> 00:17:40,932
[PHONE RINGS]
319
00:17:40,933 --> 00:17:44,012
Hello, Night-Line.
My name's Natasha,
320
00:17:44,013 --> 00:17:47,532
'how can I help you?'
321
00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:49,212
Hello, Natasha.
322
00:17:49,213 --> 00:17:51,692
'How are you doing tonight?'
323
00:17:51,693 --> 00:17:52,812
Not great.
324
00:17:52,813 --> 00:17:56,172
Whatever it is, I'm sure I can help.
325
00:17:56,173 --> 00:17:58,692
I'm closing Night-Line.
326
00:17:58,693 --> 00:18:01,532
Who is this?
327
00:18:01,533 --> 00:18:05,533
This is Oregon Shawcross.
Your President.
328
00:18:08,413 --> 00:18:11,372
I have just have been on a bus
329
00:18:11,373 --> 00:18:13,052
to the supermarket,
330
00:18:13,053 --> 00:18:15,332
where I bought some bones.
331
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:17,052
I'm about to boil some pasta in
a minute.
332
00:18:17,053 --> 00:18:18,652
If you want you can have my water.
333
00:18:18,653 --> 00:18:21,612
Now I know what reality feels like.
334
00:18:21,613 --> 00:18:23,332
Scratchy and harsh.
335
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,326
You're being pathetic.
336
00:18:25,336 --> 00:18:29,209
Yes, I am being pathetic, Josie,
defiantly pathetic.
337
00:18:29,222 --> 00:18:31,364
I can't do this by myself.
338
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,891
I need help.
339
00:18:32,902 --> 00:18:36,894
Somebody help me.
340
00:18:37,094 --> 00:18:41,098
Well, I have finally e-mailed my CV
to Ordnance Survey HQ.
341
00:18:41,533 --> 00:18:45,542
Interests and hobbies include -
reading, walking and street magic.
342
00:18:49,093 --> 00:18:51,406
- Street magic?
- You put down street magic?
343
00:18:51,413 --> 00:18:52,932
Why did you put street magic?
344
00:18:52,933 --> 00:18:56,933
Because I asked JP, and he said put
something cool down like street magic.
345
00:18:57,133 --> 00:19:00,212
I said, put down something
cool LIKE street magic.
346
00:19:00,213 --> 00:19:02,572
I didn't say, put fucking
street magic.
347
00:19:02,573 --> 00:19:04,572
Oh, hot, horny hell have
I made an error?
348
00:19:04,573 --> 00:19:07,332
They're going to have this stack of
boring CVs and then the resume
349
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:10,452
of David fucking Blaine. What do you
think their first question will be?
350
00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:12,252
- Can you levitate?
- Will you smash my watch?
351
00:19:12,253 --> 00:19:14,692
- Can you teleport?
- Can you turn invisible?
352
00:19:14,693 --> 00:19:17,692
Can you burn a ?50 note, and then
you cough and it's in your mouth?
353
00:19:17,693 --> 00:19:19,932
Do you honestly think they'll
expect me to levitate?
354
00:19:19,933 --> 00:19:22,652
They'll expect something in
the levitation ballpark, yeah.
355
00:19:22,653 --> 00:19:26,653
I'm on a hiding to nothing on
this one because I'm one of the most land-borne people I know.
356
00:19:27,853 --> 00:19:31,853
Right? Can somebody spot me
some croutons for my bone soup?
357
00:19:34,013 --> 00:19:36,652
PROTESTERS: Where's our bus!
Where's our bus!
358
00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:39,252
Where's our bus! Shawcross out!
359
00:19:39,253 --> 00:19:43,253
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
360
00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:48,572
Whack the head!
It's filled with Haribo!
361
00:19:48,573 --> 00:19:51,772
Hey, I got a good one!
Orry-Orry-Ore-gone!
362
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:54,132
PROTESTERS: Out-out-out!
363
00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:56,052
Orry-Orry-Ore-gone...
364
00:19:56,053 --> 00:19:59,132
Josie, what are you doing?
365
00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:01,492
Er... This...
366
00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:04,492
this is just a harmless
bit of satirical fun.
367
00:20:04,493 --> 00:20:06,132
Is that an effigy?
368
00:20:06,133 --> 00:20:07,772
- Are they going to burn me?
- No.
369
00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:11,452
No! Erm, not until they've got all
the sweets out of your big head.
370
00:20:11,453 --> 00:20:13,572
Josie. This is horrible!
371
00:20:13,573 --> 00:20:17,532
Come on. It's just a bit of,
you know, knock-about fun.
372
00:20:17,533 --> 00:20:20,612
Punch and Judy politics.
Don't take it so personally.
373
00:20:20,613 --> 00:20:22,212
They're going to set fire to ME.
374
00:20:22,213 --> 00:20:25,932
Oregon. I don't want politics
to come between our friendship, OK?
375
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:29,132
But, y'know, closing down
Night-Line...
376
00:20:29,133 --> 00:20:31,212
It got six calls a week!
377
00:20:31,213 --> 00:20:35,213
[CROWD CHEER]
378
00:20:37,893 --> 00:20:40,452
Oh, whoa! God! That really went up!
379
00:20:40,453 --> 00:20:42,212
S'awful.
380
00:20:42,213 --> 00:20:44,252
Burn the witch! Burn the witch!
381
00:20:44,253 --> 00:20:45,332
So flammable.
382
00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:49,052
[CROWD CHANT]: Burn the witch!
383
00:20:49,053 --> 00:20:53,053
That is a killer field.
Beautifully fucking irrigated.
384
00:20:54,413 --> 00:20:56,572
- We should check the acoustics.
- Mmm.
385
00:20:56,573 --> 00:21:00,573
One-two. Two-two. One-two. Two!
386
00:21:01,693 --> 00:21:04,252
- I'm none the wiser.
- Mmm.
387
00:21:04,253 --> 00:21:08,253
Sorry can you put those fucking
sunglasses on, or take them off?
388
00:21:08,413 --> 00:21:11,172
[PHONE RINGS]
389
00:21:11,173 --> 00:21:14,692
God. Mum again.
390
00:21:14,693 --> 00:21:17,292
Bandit had a seizure.
391
00:21:17,293 --> 00:21:18,932
Who the fuck's Bandit?
392
00:21:18,933 --> 00:21:21,732
The epilepsy dog.
393
00:21:21,733 --> 00:21:23,892
Epilepsy dog had a seizure!
394
00:21:23,893 --> 00:21:26,132
Epilepsy dog has epilepsy?!
395
00:21:26,133 --> 00:21:28,212
Well, does he though?
396
00:21:28,213 --> 00:21:30,412
Or is it all just part
of the mind-war?
397
00:21:30,413 --> 00:21:33,652
"Uni's coming to an end."
"Oh, big coincidence, Bandit's had a wobbler!"
398
00:21:33,653 --> 00:21:36,212
She probably locked him
in the cupboard under the stairs
399
00:21:36,213 --> 00:21:37,692
with a strobe until he wigged out.
400
00:21:37,693 --> 00:21:40,372
Oh, yeah, she wants you back.
What a bitch(!)
401
00:21:40,373 --> 00:21:42,372
There's no way I'm
moving back with her.
402
00:21:42,373 --> 00:21:46,052
I'd rather move to the Yemen
and work in a salt-mine.
403
00:21:46,053 --> 00:21:48,292
Nah, I'll just stay in Manchester.
404
00:21:48,293 --> 00:21:49,892
Move in with Rosa, probably.
405
00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:51,532
Very homely.
406
00:21:51,533 --> 00:21:53,372
What do you think about her
though? Really?
407
00:21:53,373 --> 00:21:56,852
I tell you what I think about your
Swiss girlfriend, Kingsley. Neutral.
408
00:21:56,853 --> 00:21:58,852
I feel neutral.
Not one side or the other.
409
00:21:58,853 --> 00:22:00,972
- She's just been on my back lately.
- Hmm.
410
00:22:00,973 --> 00:22:02,652
Weighing you down, like one of them
411
00:22:02,653 --> 00:22:05,132
really big Toblerones you
get from Duty Free.
412
00:22:05,133 --> 00:22:08,572
I mean it can't be the case that
I like her less because she's Swiss.
413
00:22:08,573 --> 00:22:12,573
But also, it is the case.
414
00:22:12,733 --> 00:22:15,372
I mean you saw her,
flying off the handle like that.
415
00:22:15,373 --> 00:22:17,052
There's no need for it.
416
00:22:17,053 --> 00:22:21,053
If she's not Italian that just means
she's just really fucking snippy.
417
00:22:28,933 --> 00:22:30,452
Oregon.
418
00:22:30,453 --> 00:22:33,972
I've come to claim ?20,000 for the
greatest poem in the world!
419
00:22:33,973 --> 00:22:36,692
[CLEARS HIS THROAT]
420
00:22:36,693 --> 00:22:38,332
There was a young legend from Stow,
421
00:22:38,333 --> 00:22:40,652
Who snorted a kilo of blow.
422
00:22:40,653 --> 00:22:44,653
JP, that's a limerick, you're not
going to win with a limerick.
423
00:22:49,813 --> 00:22:53,813
- There was a young lady
from St Mary's Ca... - Again - limerick.
424
00:22:58,333 --> 00:22:59,532
There was a young geezer...
425
00:22:59,533 --> 00:23:03,533
If it begins, "There was a young..."
it's a fucking limerick, JP!
426
00:23:15,533 --> 00:23:17,652
- I brought you some sweets.
- Oh, good(!)
427
00:23:17,653 --> 00:23:20,292
They managed to get all the sweets
out of my big flammable
428
00:23:20,293 --> 00:23:23,332
fucking Pinata head before it
exploded into flames?
429
00:23:23,333 --> 00:23:25,892
No. They didn't actually.
430
00:23:25,893 --> 00:23:29,893
We had some packets left over.
431
00:23:30,133 --> 00:23:31,212
So,
432
00:23:31,213 --> 00:23:33,892
the dreaded vote of no confidence.
433
00:23:33,893 --> 00:23:37,893
If only there were some way you
could rise above your problems.
434
00:23:42,013 --> 00:23:43,532
Howard, what are you doing?
435
00:23:43,533 --> 00:23:45,412
I'm levitating.
436
00:23:45,413 --> 00:23:49,413
Like some kind of highly-employable
Christ figure.
437
00:24:01,053 --> 00:24:05,053
Well, I want names, Josie. I am
going to highlight those involved.
438
00:24:05,093 --> 00:24:09,093
It is not Orwellian, it is just
being very bloody organised...
439
00:24:09,773 --> 00:24:13,612
"Jezebel James?"
440
00:24:13,613 --> 00:24:15,812
That's you, isn't it?
441
00:24:15,813 --> 00:24:17,692
You signed this?
442
00:24:17,693 --> 00:24:19,772
I'm desperate. OK, Oregon.
443
00:24:19,773 --> 00:24:22,252
I need friends for next year
and Bad Soc's all I've got.
444
00:24:22,253 --> 00:24:26,253
Yeah, well, you know what?
Fuck Bad Soc.
445
00:24:27,373 --> 00:24:28,972
- No way?
- Yes way.
446
00:24:28,973 --> 00:24:30,932
Funding has been cut.
447
00:24:30,933 --> 00:24:33,332
I am 'Breaking Bad Soc'.
448
00:24:33,333 --> 00:24:35,492
You evil fucking despot.
449
00:24:35,493 --> 00:24:38,288
Sorry, Josie. Death to Sadminton.
450
00:24:47,555 --> 00:24:49,874
Do you think
he looks menacing enough?
451
00:24:49,875 --> 00:24:51,514
Quite sad eyes.
452
00:24:51,515 --> 00:24:55,354
He's big, he's bald, he's bearded.
Tick, tick, tick. Yes, please.
453
00:24:55,355 --> 00:24:58,074
Maybe I should ask him
to manhandle me.
454
00:24:58,075 --> 00:25:02,075
You know, try before you buy.
455
00:25:03,835 --> 00:25:06,674
Plus, we do a lot of security
on match days.
456
00:25:06,675 --> 00:25:08,394
Sweet!
457
00:25:08,395 --> 00:25:10,954
Ooh, do you want, er, Mole
to manhandle you now, Kingo?
458
00:25:10,955 --> 00:25:14,674
Oh, yeah, she's... she's joking.
There's not...
459
00:25:14,675 --> 00:25:17,314
not much man to manhandle, methinks!
460
00:25:17,315 --> 00:25:20,034
What's the, er, damage, you know,
bunce-wise?
461
00:25:20,035 --> 00:25:22,514
1,500 for the night
462
00:25:22,515 --> 00:25:25,874
or nothing and we do the sundries -
463
00:25:25,875 --> 00:25:28,394
coke, weed, pills.
464
00:25:28,395 --> 00:25:31,714
Interesting. Don't think we've found
a supplier yet for our sundries,
465
00:25:31,715 --> 00:25:35,434
- have we, Kingo?
- Yeah. So sorry, Mole.
466
00:25:35,435 --> 00:25:39,435
Um... just, yeah, quick conflab
with my associate. Um, yeah.
467
00:25:42,795 --> 00:25:44,794
What the fuck? He's a dealer!
468
00:25:44,795 --> 00:25:47,394
He's a short bald man
from Liverpool in a bomber jacket.
469
00:25:47,395 --> 00:25:48,594
I mean, I'm no Poirot...
470
00:25:48,595 --> 00:25:52,595
Mole - he sounds all nice.
He sounds all Toad of Toad Hall.
471
00:25:53,755 --> 00:25:54,954
He's a drugs mole.
472
00:25:54,955 --> 00:25:58,074
There are going to be
drugs at the Grad Ball, hmm?
473
00:25:58,075 --> 00:26:00,954
So, we either go to the open market
474
00:26:00,955 --> 00:26:04,955
or we go with a local supplier
who provides a quality,
475
00:26:04,995 --> 00:26:06,394
freshly-sourced product.
476
00:26:06,395 --> 00:26:09,754
Don't make him sound like he's some
fucking artisan baker!
477
00:26:09,755 --> 00:26:12,394
He's a drug dealer, he's dangerous.
478
00:26:12,395 --> 00:26:16,395
All right. Don't stack your briefs!
We'll find someone else.
479
00:26:16,435 --> 00:26:18,834
OK, so what now? What's
the etiquette with these people?
480
00:26:18,835 --> 00:26:22,554
Do they have an etiquette
or do we just turn around and walk away really fucking briskly?
481
00:26:22,555 --> 00:26:26,555
Yeah, that's what we do.
482
00:26:35,475 --> 00:26:38,034
- How are you holding up?
- Yeah, yeah, really good.
483
00:26:38,035 --> 00:26:40,314
Um, I'm looking forward
to my vote of confidence.
484
00:26:40,315 --> 00:26:42,034
I thought it was
a vote of no confidence.
485
00:26:42,035 --> 00:26:45,434
Yeah, well, that all depends
on if you're a negative person
486
00:26:45,435 --> 00:26:46,954
or you're more in the mould
487
00:26:46,955 --> 00:26:49,474
of a Dorothy Parker
meets Ellen MacArthur.
488
00:26:49,475 --> 00:26:52,354
Straw poll - if you were
interviewing me for a job,
489
00:26:52,355 --> 00:26:54,594
would you be impressed
if I, very safely,
490
00:26:54,595 --> 00:26:58,274
launched a small firework
from about my beard?
491
00:26:58,275 --> 00:27:02,275
Two, four, six... no hands!
Great feedback, thanks.
492
00:27:04,195 --> 00:27:07,194
Oregon, can you just
lift your chin up?
493
00:27:07,195 --> 00:27:10,594
I'm doing a cheeky little
lampoon for the protest movement.
494
00:27:10,595 --> 00:27:12,274
You're lampooning me?
495
00:27:12,275 --> 00:27:15,234
Yeah. The Blaster got in touch
out of the blue.
496
00:27:15,235 --> 00:27:19,235
I've been commissioned. I'm getting
paid. Screw you, Tomothy!
497
00:27:20,755 --> 00:27:23,594
All aboard the satirical cartoon
gravy train!
498
00:27:23,595 --> 00:27:26,474
Next stop - Money Town!
499
00:27:26,475 --> 00:27:30,114
Why have I got whisker...
Am I shitting?
500
00:27:30,115 --> 00:27:33,834
You're a fat cat trying to
escape on a hot-air balloon marked
501
00:27:33,835 --> 00:27:36,914
"Corruption" and you're taking
a big steaming shit
502
00:27:36,915 --> 00:27:39,154
onto all of the students
down below you.
503
00:27:39,155 --> 00:27:42,434
But now, this sword with
"Impeachment" written on it
504
00:27:42,435 --> 00:27:44,274
is about to cut off your head.
505
00:27:44,275 --> 00:27:45,514
It is a pretty good likeness,
506
00:27:45,515 --> 00:27:47,394
considering it's a cat
taking a shit.
507
00:27:47,395 --> 00:27:50,954
Well, it's irrelevant
because I've balanced the budget.
508
00:27:50,955 --> 00:27:54,034
Nightline, fell-walking -
cut, cut, cut!
509
00:27:54,035 --> 00:27:57,074
Plus, I've told them
that I've got an appointment for a yeast infection,
510
00:27:57,075 --> 00:27:59,314
so they pushed the vote
back by two hours.
511
00:27:59,315 --> 00:28:03,315
Oh, no! The England game's tonight.
Uh-oh! There goes the sports vote.
512
00:28:04,635 --> 00:28:06,954
Same old Oregon, same old shit!
513
00:28:06,955 --> 00:28:10,955
No! Actually, JP, new Oregon
cos it's a new day,
514
00:28:12,955 --> 00:28:16,714
new outlook,
new policies, new haircut,
515
00:28:16,715 --> 00:28:19,154
new ideas, new energy, new haircut.
516
00:28:19,155 --> 00:28:21,434
I am going to move on
and I'm changing everything -
517
00:28:21,435 --> 00:28:23,234
new direction, new haircut.
518
00:28:23,235 --> 00:28:24,594
You keep saying new haircut.
519
00:28:24,595 --> 00:28:26,754
New haircut for a new president,
520
00:28:26,755 --> 00:28:30,755
for a new outlook on a new haircut
to inspire new confidence.
521
00:28:33,355 --> 00:28:37,355
Vod, I need you to give me
a new... haircut.
522
00:28:37,635 --> 00:28:41,635
Mm.
523
00:28:45,435 --> 00:28:47,274
So, I was thinking...
524
00:28:47,275 --> 00:28:51,275
All right, I could do that.
525
00:28:57,555 --> 00:28:59,154
OK.
526
00:28:59,155 --> 00:29:03,155
So what I've done is,
I've gone too short on this side.
527
00:29:03,595 --> 00:29:06,234
So I can either go short
on the other side
528
00:29:06,235 --> 00:29:09,674
or you can have slightly wonky hair.
529
00:29:09,675 --> 00:29:11,074
Um...
530
00:29:11,075 --> 00:29:15,075
All right.
531
00:29:20,875 --> 00:29:21,914
OK.
532
00:29:21,915 --> 00:29:25,915
So what's happened here is, I've
gone even shorter on this side,
533
00:29:26,435 --> 00:29:30,435
but I'll just level it up.
534
00:29:33,155 --> 00:29:34,674
OK.
535
00:29:34,675 --> 00:29:38,194
Just to fill you in, basically,
I've done the same thing again.
536
00:29:38,195 --> 00:29:41,354
Yeah, I think I should just
abandon hair at this point.
537
00:29:41,355 --> 00:29:45,154
No president's ever been impeached.
Do you know that?
538
00:29:45,155 --> 00:29:47,394
Apart from Muttock,
but he wasn't impeached,
539
00:29:47,395 --> 00:29:51,234
he just went straight to prison for
killing someone in a road accident.
540
00:29:51,235 --> 00:29:54,354
I don't know how I ended here, Vod.
541
00:29:54,355 --> 00:29:57,314
Maybe Idi Amin started by setting up
a boutique literary award
542
00:29:57,315 --> 00:29:59,514
and then a few things go sideways
543
00:29:59,515 --> 00:30:03,515
and boom! You're the tyrant queen
that killed Night-Line.
544
00:30:05,955 --> 00:30:08,314
Is that going to be my legacy?
545
00:30:08,315 --> 00:30:10,994
Oregon, this isn't over.
546
00:30:10,995 --> 00:30:14,995
You walk in there and you let
your natural charm speak for itself!
547
00:30:16,475 --> 00:30:19,434
What natural charm?
548
00:30:19,435 --> 00:30:23,435
You know. Don't pretend
you don't know. I know you know.
549
00:30:25,955 --> 00:30:27,994
You so know!
550
00:30:27,995 --> 00:30:31,634
I guess I could try
and switch it on.
551
00:30:31,635 --> 00:30:35,635
Come on. Let's even this up.
552
00:30:36,275 --> 00:30:40,275
OK.
553
00:30:46,915 --> 00:30:50,915
OK. What's happened here is...
554
00:30:51,595 --> 00:30:54,834
All I'm saying is, it's good that
Vod is helping you with the party.
555
00:30:54,835 --> 00:30:57,874
This way, you can
focus on your study.
556
00:30:57,875 --> 00:31:00,794
Well, that certainly seems to be a
very safe way of looking at things,
557
00:31:00,795 --> 00:31:04,795
Rosa. Very safe, very neutral.
558
00:31:04,995 --> 00:31:06,594
You need to focus on your finals.
559
00:31:06,595 --> 00:31:10,595
A daily reminder of my finals -
regular as the 9.30 from Zurich.
560
00:31:10,995 --> 00:31:12,354
There you go.
561
00:31:12,355 --> 00:31:14,314
Move out of the way, Mum!
562
00:31:14,315 --> 00:31:18,315
[HE HUMS]
563
00:31:23,635 --> 00:31:27,394
Mmm... ma mia! This looks amazing!
564
00:31:27,395 --> 00:31:29,074
I fucking love chicken nuggets!
565
00:31:29,075 --> 00:31:33,075
Thanks, sweetheart,
thanks, darling, thanks, love!
566
00:31:38,555 --> 00:31:41,354
Chicken fucking nuggets!
Fucking result!
567
00:31:41,355 --> 00:31:44,994
I am going to fucking smash these
chicken fucking nuggets!
568
00:31:44,995 --> 00:31:48,995
Yeah, I might eat this in my room.
569
00:31:56,675 --> 00:32:00,675
So, I have tried and failed to
master the dark art of street magic.
570
00:32:02,115 --> 00:32:03,314
And now, boys and girls,
571
00:32:03,315 --> 00:32:07,315
for my next trick, I will
make my career prospects disappear!
572
00:32:08,635 --> 00:32:12,635
Abra and indeed cadabra!
573
00:32:13,955 --> 00:32:15,994
- Is that a trick, Howard?
- No.
574
00:32:15,995 --> 00:32:18,594
It's just the actions of a man
who no longer requires a watch,
575
00:32:18,595 --> 00:32:20,954
be it for appointment or interview.
576
00:32:20,955 --> 00:32:22,034
Sorry, brah.
577
00:32:22,035 --> 00:32:24,074
I'm going to have to call
John at Ordnance Survey
578
00:32:24,075 --> 00:32:26,594
and request that my application be
officially withdrawn.
579
00:32:26,595 --> 00:32:30,595
Theme of the Grad Ball.
The theme is Carnage.
580
00:32:31,395 --> 00:32:33,674
Like...
581
00:32:33,675 --> 00:32:35,754
Chain-saw artists, Wheel of Death,
582
00:32:35,755 --> 00:32:39,594
a woman in iron pants making sparks
with an angle grinder.
583
00:32:39,595 --> 00:32:40,634
That sounds horrific.
584
00:32:40,635 --> 00:32:44,314
Kingo, I'll focus on the bigger
picture. You sort out the details.
585
00:32:44,315 --> 00:32:47,154
What, you're Florence,
I'm just the fucking Machine?
586
00:32:47,155 --> 00:32:49,874
Try to ignore the whirring sound.
That's just the Machine doing
587
00:32:49,875 --> 00:32:53,674
- all the fucking work while Florence
fucks about in a floaty dress! - Well, that's the deal.
588
00:32:53,675 --> 00:32:57,474
- Unless you want to sort it on your own.
- All right. Fine, fine.
589
00:32:57,475 --> 00:32:59,834
All right, compromise.
590
00:32:59,835 --> 00:33:00,954
Cheese and Carnage.
591
00:33:00,955 --> 00:33:02,674
Well, we might as well start.
592
00:33:02,675 --> 00:33:05,274
It looks like this is all
we're getting.
593
00:33:05,275 --> 00:33:08,194
Our motion is clear.
594
00:33:08,195 --> 00:33:11,914
Oregon, throughout your tenure,
we believe you've shown
595
00:33:11,915 --> 00:33:15,554
a lack of leadership,
a lack of judgment,
596
00:33:15,555 --> 00:33:19,555
a lack of character. Actually,
you have a weak character, Oregon.
597
00:33:20,035 --> 00:33:23,914
And I think I speak on behalf
of a majority of the student body
598
00:33:23,915 --> 00:33:27,915
when I say, with regret,
we have no confidence in you.
599
00:33:30,275 --> 00:33:34,275
[APPLAUSE]
600
00:33:35,875 --> 00:33:38,954
Firstly, I would like to thank
everybody for coming out
601
00:33:38,955 --> 00:33:42,955
tonight and missing the crucial
Moldova qualifier.
602
00:33:43,275 --> 00:33:47,074
It gives me the perfect opportunity
to announce that we, I,
603
00:33:47,075 --> 00:33:50,634
have finally balanced the budget.
604
00:33:50,635 --> 00:33:54,635
We, I, have had a lot of tough
decisions to make and we, I,
605
00:33:55,795 --> 00:33:59,154
have always had the best interests
of the student body at heart.
606
00:33:59,155 --> 00:34:00,674
What about the turbot?
607
00:34:00,675 --> 00:34:03,954
We know about the receipts.
608
00:34:03,955 --> 00:34:07,514
What receipts?
609
00:34:07,515 --> 00:34:11,515
Er... OK. If I could deal
specifically with the turbot...
610
00:34:12,875 --> 00:34:16,875
Let's get straight into this,
shall we? Votes against impeachment.
611
00:34:17,795 --> 00:34:21,314
- Is that us?
- Yeah.
612
00:34:21,315 --> 00:34:25,315
Oi, Dynamo! Levitate yourself
out of that fucking seat right now!
613
00:34:30,835 --> 00:34:34,834
OK. Votes for impeachment.
614
00:34:34,835 --> 00:34:35,874
Wait!
615
00:34:35,875 --> 00:34:39,875
Er, if I could, before they sit
down again, everybody,
616
00:34:41,155 --> 00:34:45,155
I have something I need to tell you.
617
00:34:45,915 --> 00:34:49,915
Oh, God!
618
00:34:51,635 --> 00:34:55,354
Let them bring on
all their problems
619
00:34:55,355 --> 00:34:59,074
I'll do better than my best
620
00:34:59,075 --> 00:35:02,354
I have confidence you'll put me
to the test
621
00:35:02,355 --> 00:35:05,114
But I'll make you see
I have confidence in me!
622
00:35:05,115 --> 00:35:08,314
- Come on, everybody! Join in!
- You're on your own, mate.
623
00:35:08,315 --> 00:35:11,394
I have confidence in sunshine
624
00:35:11,395 --> 00:35:14,634
I have confidence in rain
625
00:35:14,635 --> 00:35:17,634
I have confidence that spring
will come again
626
00:35:17,635 --> 00:35:21,635
So I'll make you see
I have confidence in meee!
627
00:35:25,715 --> 00:35:27,714
[SHE LAUGHS]
628
00:35:27,715 --> 00:35:31,715
[MICROPHONE BUZZES]
629
00:35:35,475 --> 00:35:39,475
[OREGON LAUGHS]
630
00:35:41,315 --> 00:35:45,315
The higher you build
your barriers...
631
00:35:45,955 --> 00:35:47,474
I thought we were going to have
632
00:35:47,475 --> 00:35:49,954
to helicopter her out of the Quad
like Ceausescu.
633
00:35:49,955 --> 00:35:53,274
It was when she started singing
Man In The Mirror that I knew she was in trouble.
634
00:35:53,275 --> 00:35:55,154
Found these under the mat.
635
00:35:55,155 --> 00:35:59,155
Oh? Oh, you are joking me!
636
00:35:59,515 --> 00:36:01,674
I'm just drowning in red ink!
637
00:36:01,675 --> 00:36:05,675
Um, I'm just off the phone
to John at Ordnance Survey
638
00:36:06,235 --> 00:36:08,794
and I came clean about my CV.
639
00:36:08,795 --> 00:36:11,674
I told him it was just a sexed-up
dossier of mistruths
640
00:36:11,675 --> 00:36:15,675
printed on a tissue of lies,
and he said he admired my honesty.
641
00:36:16,155 --> 00:36:19,674
And so, if I get a First,
the job's mine.
642
00:36:19,675 --> 00:36:21,994
Holy shit, bro!
Wax up the Oyster card
643
00:36:21,995 --> 00:36:25,995
and buy some pepper spray!
You're moving to London!
644
00:36:29,235 --> 00:36:33,235
Mole? Um... you've got a deal.
645
00:36:34,315 --> 00:36:38,315
Yeah, you can do security.
Yeah, and drugs.
646
00:36:41,035 --> 00:36:43,954
'Yeah, he'd be cool with that.
Yeah.'
647
00:36:43,955 --> 00:36:45,634
It was me, by the way.
648
00:36:45,635 --> 00:36:49,154
I gave the Blaster your number and
told them you were good at cartoons.
649
00:36:49,155 --> 00:36:50,834
Oh, thanks.
650
00:36:50,835 --> 00:36:53,714
I've been thinking about our little
trade agreement.
651
00:36:53,715 --> 00:36:57,314
Maybe I could impose a sort of
import ban.
652
00:36:57,315 --> 00:37:01,315
You know, not import from any
non-Josie territories,
653
00:37:01,995 --> 00:37:04,914
withdraw from the EU.
654
00:37:04,915 --> 00:37:08,915
JP, I think that maybe we shouldn't.
655
00:37:09,955 --> 00:37:12,474
We need to stop.
656
00:37:12,475 --> 00:37:14,474
It's over.
657
00:37:14,475 --> 00:37:18,475
Yeah, good. No, I mean... cos
that was my other idea, so...
658
00:37:20,195 --> 00:37:24,195
Oh, and, er, the Blaster said sorry
but, um...
659
00:37:25,195 --> 00:37:26,634
...this is all they could give you.
660
00:37:26,635 --> 00:37:30,635
MUSIC: Free Money by Patti Smith
661
00:37:38,235 --> 00:37:42,235
[HE SIGHS]
662
00:37:42,275 --> 00:37:46,275
Tomothy, it's me. I'll do it.
I'll take the job.
663
00:37:49,715 --> 00:37:53,715
Just please, please,
please turn the pipe back on.
664
00:37:57,435 --> 00:38:01,435
Every night before I rest my head
665
00:38:05,035 --> 00:38:09,035
See those dollar bills go swirling
round my bed
666
00:38:12,355 --> 00:38:16,355
I know they're stolen
But I don't feel bad
667
00:38:19,195 --> 00:38:23,195
I take that money
Buy you things you never had.
668
00:38:23,196 --> 00:38:25,196
Subtitle by peritta
669
00:38:25,246 --> 00:38:29,796
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
52712
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.