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1
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,560
This film is great.
2
00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,880
Films are great.
3
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,800
Are you all right?
4
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:43,800
Not still thinking about Sam
slam-dunking you in the reject bin?
5
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,800
No. Who's Sam? I don�t even know
a Sam.
6
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,200
Sorry, are you tidying?
7
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,400
Yeah. My, er...mum's coming to
stay.
8
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:56,320
You've got a mum?
9
00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:00,240
Well, I say mum. She's more like
my sister or my best mate.
10
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,520
Ooh. Reviews are in. Deep breaths.
11
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,520
Who wants to read them with me?
12
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,520
Erm...Vod�s got a mum,
and she's coming to stay.
13
00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:12,960
My mum is young and hot,
14
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,760
and if you fuck my hot young mum,
15
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,640
I will chop your dick
into a thousand tiny pieces.
16
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:21,160
Ooh, a thousand pieces?
A thousand tiny pieces.
17
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:25,160
So, you are correctly imagining
that I have quite a big dick, then?
18
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,920
Just stay away from her. Got it?
19
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,921
Yes, Vod.
20
00:01:33,378 --> 00:01:57,219
21
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:02,480
"It is rare to feel so bored so quickly
during the opening lines of a play...
22
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,800
"...although, luckily, as the story
got going, I found myself waking up."
23
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,800
Ha! See? Um...that's deliberate.
Like Waiting For Godot.
24
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:17,000
"But unlike in classics
such as Waiting For Godot,
25
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,200
"this was because I found the play
so profoundly irritating
26
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:24,200
"that for the first time ever
I was forced to give a show no stars."
27
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,960
Like I give a shit what you think,
mate. Ha! Next!
28
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,600
Er...ooh.
29
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,760
"This play is almost
completely without merit."
30
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,640
Oh.
31
00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:39,640
"It is only Violet Nordstrom's
savage and raw portrayal of the mother,
32
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,520
"an eminently watchable performance,
33
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:48,520
"which stops this being the worst
play the student theatre has ever staged."
34
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:54,640
Well, that�s a good one anyway.
35
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,880
Are you looking at me cos I'm
watchable?
36
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,880
What's the last one?
Student Echo.
37
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:06,880
Oh, what do those morons have to
say? Trudi Miller's verdict, four stars.
38
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:17,560
Finally.
39
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:18,640
Yes.
40
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:21,720
OK, so, everything
that pisses you off about me.
41
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:25,720
Nothing is taboo. We get it all out
and get over it, OK?
42
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,720
So, I'll go first to demonstrate.
43
00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:31,720
So, under me I'm going to put,
"Josie accidentally had sex with Baz."
44
00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:38,040
And under you I�m gonna put,
"Kingsley cheated on Josie with Heather."
45
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,560
Failed to break up with Heather
because of family tragedy.
46
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:44,640
OK, whatever. Failed to break up
with/cheated with Heather.
47
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:48,320
Just put Heather. Heather.
48
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:52,320
OK, good, now I can never have a go
at you about it ever again. Got it?
49
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,240
I think this is good. Yes.
We're handing in our weapons.
50
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,280
Exactly, so they can't hurt us
any more.
51
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:05,280
OK, next I'm gonna put, "Josie hates
it when Kingsley bangs on about music
52
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,520
"even though he knows
she's not interested in it."
53
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,160
Your turn.
54
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,080
Kingsley hates it
when Josie gets aggressive.
55
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:18,080
It's unnecessary and unattractive.
56
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:23,520
Yeah. Good one.
57
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,560
Come on, Howard. I just want to
write to her and say thank you.
58
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,600
Do you have any idea what it feels
like to be rejected by the majority
59
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,800
and then have one lone voice
stand up for you?
60
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,880
To answer your questions
respectively, yes and no.
61
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,200
And who's been eating my Shreddies?
62
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,360
"Shawcross rages against societal
norms,
63
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:44,160
"in a voice that shifts easily
from satire to poetry.
64
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:47,480
"'Reject the system' is her rallying
cry."
65
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,000
You memorised it?
66
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,720
No, I didn't mean to. I just...
I have a photographic memory for praise.
67
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:56,720
Look, if Miller's not on Google,
it means she doesn't want to be found.
68
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,320
Where did you get that?
69
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,880
Oh, yeah. I've been radicalised.
70
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,680
By a T-shirt?
By my new tutor.
71
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,480
Nicole Mauve. She's amazing.
72
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:12,040
You've got Mauve?
I thought she was on sabbatical.
73
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:16,040
Mauve was on sabbatical writing her book.
I read it. It basically changed my life.
74
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,920
Well, you can�t become a radical
feminist by reading a book.
75
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:22,600
I've got a copy,
if you want to read it.
76
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,320
Er... Sexual Objectification
And Subordination.
77
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,600
I don't need to read it.
78
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:30,080
I'm already being persecuted
by the press for my radical politics.
79
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,920
Fine. I'll give it to Howard, then.
I'm holding my bowl.
80
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:37,920
I'll pop it down there for you.
81
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,200
Hello.
82
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,720
Kingsley failed to laugh
83
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:59,720
at Josie�s hilarious joke about
over-the-counter decongestants.
84
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:12,480
I�m actually laughing now,
just thinking about it.
85
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:16,480
Right, well, is that it?
Anything else you need to tell me?
86
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:17,880
Are you done already?
87
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:21,880
I'm done. Aren't you?
88
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:26,480
What?
89
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:38,320
I fake orgasms.
90
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,360
What did you say?
91
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,840
Not always. Just sometimes.
92
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,240
And I thought I should say,
93
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:52,240
just in case we really do end up
spending the rest of our lives together.
94
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:57,640
How much of the time?
95
00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,840
I don�t know. Er...70 per cent?
96
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:03,400
70 per cent are genuine?
97
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,520
70 per cent are fake?
I'll put 65.
98
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,080
Don't put it if it's not true.
99
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:12,080
Split the difference. 66.
100
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,120
Right, I think I'm done.
101
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:19,120
So, now everything on this piece
of paper is officially forgotten about.
102
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:30,000
Whoo!
103
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:37,560
I'll get it!
104
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,800
Ah! Oh! Oh, Milly!
105
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,320
Milly?
106
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,280
Oh.
107
00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:51,280
Everyone, this is Chris.
Chris, everyone.
108
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,800
Well, I'm an English student but
I�m also kind of an artist in my own right.
109
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,640
Yeah, but be careful what you say
110
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,560
or you might end up in her play
as an illiterate sex pest.
111
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:06,360
Ha-ha-ha! Awesome. Ha-ha-ha!
112
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:10,360
What do you study?
113
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:14,360
Oh, erm...geology. Yeah.
114
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,400
I just started pharmacology.
115
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,000
Oh, study drugs?
116
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,880
Well, yeah, but...but nothing
illegal.
117
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:24,040
Heh-heh! It�s all right, Jose.
One thing you'll learn about me.
118
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,320
I fucking hate all that mum shit.
119
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,640
Oh, right. Great.
120
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:32,640
Ah. Feminist, yeah? My mum
was a feminist in the '70s.
121
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:37,400
And that is why in the '90s
we told feminism to go fuck itself.
122
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:40,600
Now, that�s radical.
123
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,080
I wouldn�t mind freshening up,
actually, if that's cool.
124
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,560
I'll take you up. Great!
125
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:49,560
Why don�t I take you all out to the
pub tomorrow night, yeah? My shout.
126
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:52,640
That is so cool.
127
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:55,200
My mum would never take us to the
pub.
128
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:59,200
She'd take us somewhere really boring like
Sadler's Wells or fucking Glyndebourne.
129
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:03,240
Yeah, well, I know what
you guys like.
130
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:12,320
You will come to the pub, won't you?
Don't just say yeah and then don�t come.
131
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,720
Yeah, you promise?
132
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,840
Oh, God.
133
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:29,920
What you reading?
134
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:33,080
Oh, yeah, I wasn�t...
135
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,560
Er... King Lear. I might audition.
136
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,080
Ah! More acting, eh?
137
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:40,040
Oh, you've seen the review.
I'm officially savage and watchable.
138
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:44,040
Oh, I used to love acting. I was
actually genuinely talented as well.
139
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:48,400
So, what are the young ones like?
140
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,080
Who? Your housemates.
141
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:55,080
Oh, right. Yeah, er...yeah,
it's good.
142
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,720
I mean, I don�t know.
143
00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,280
I thought they�d all be geeks
and poshos, which they are.
144
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:05,280
But they're my geeks and poshos.
I don't know.
145
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,560
JP's all right, though, isn't he?
House hottie.
146
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:09,320
Don't even think about it.
147
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,360
What, you think I'm past it? No!
148
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:15,320
No, I...I mean, bit of a twat,
isn't he?
149
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,160
He's not good enough for you.
Anyway, what about Jim?
150
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:22,160
Oh, Jim Schmim. He gave up trying
to control me a long time ago.
151
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:27,400
Do you think this might fit me?
152
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:06,320
I'm gonna have a hot, soapy shower,
cos I'm really dirty.
153
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,120
OK. Hope there's a lock,
154
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:14,120
cos I would hate anyone to burst in
when I'm completely naked.
155
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,520
Oh! Well...there is.
156
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:22,520
You...you just push the thing
into the...
157
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,200
Yeah.
158
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,600
..a beautiful-looking
glow from day one and advanced protection.
159
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,120
Our sun protection has never...
160
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,560
Morning, Howard.
161
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,480
What you watching?
OK, I admit it.
162
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,280
I observed your buttocks
as you went into the kitchen.
163
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,200
I meant on the telly.
Oh.
164
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,040
Did you really?
Erm...
165
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,400
I...
166
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,680
I feel I should apologise.
167
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:10,400
For watching my bum?
The truth is,
168
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,400
I have objectified you
on more than one occasion.
169
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,680
I see.
170
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:17,480
I mean, you are
a sexually mature female
171
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,120
and, as a result, I just think
it's my habitual reflex
172
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:23,720
to value you purely on the societal
norms of physical attractiveness.
173
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,840
You read the book?
174
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:29,080
I was drawn into its murky world,
yes.
175
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:32,240
My goodness, Howard!
Do you realise what this means?
176
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:36,240
You're now officially a feminist.
177
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:56,360
Are you awake?
178
00:12:56,360 --> 00:13:00,120
I thought maybe we could try
something.
179
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,640
Yeah, like what?
180
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:06,640
OK, let me just... Bear with me.
181
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:09,840
Kingsley?
182
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,840
OK.
183
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:14,520
OK.
184
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,200
Lift up your nightie.
OK, stop, look.
185
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,640
Your technique is not the problem.
186
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,640
If anything, it's the opposite.
187
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,040
What do you mean, the opposite?
188
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:28,040
You're too eager to please.
You worry too much. That puts a lot of pressure on me.
189
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,480
So, you told me I was shit
so I'd worry about it less?
190
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:34,480
I told you because you kept doing
the things that would make me fake-come the first time,
191
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,200
and things, by the way,
I don't actually like.
192
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,880
I didn't think you were gonna
have a fucking crisis about it.
193
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,880
You didn't realise
I'd have a crisis? God, Kingsley. Faking orgasms is so normal.
194
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,160
Every girl you've slept with
has probably done it.
195
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:49,960
Oh, that makes it better!
I did it with Baz. I did it with Dave all the time.
196
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,840
Did you do it with JP?
197
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,800
I... Probably. I can't remember.
198
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,000
Did you?
I just said...
199
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:01,000
You can't lie. Don't lie. OK. Fine.
Look, I didn't have to do it with JP, because it happened for real.
200
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:08,400
What, both times?
201
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,720
Multiple ti... Oh, no.
Yeah, erm...both. Yes, both times.
202
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:15,720
Thank you. No, it's good to be specific.
Clarity really is everything, isn't it?
203
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:20,200
Don't worry.
You're the world's bestest snuggler.
204
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:24,360
Oh, good. That makes it better.
205
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,080
Howard, hey!
206
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,560
Over here.
Oh. Hi.
207
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:57,320
Look! Can you believe this guy?
208
00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,080
Reading a magazine full of sexually
objectifying images,
209
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,000
out in the open,
like he doesn't give a shit.
210
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,280
I know that individual,
and it's probable he doesn't care.
211
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:10,280
Yeah? Well, as feminists, Howard,
it's our job to make him care.
212
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,080
I am not...
Come on.
213
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,120
Where are you going?
I'm going to enlighten him.
214
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:18,240
Excuse me.
215
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,080
I object to your objectification.
216
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,160
Hello.
217
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:27,160
The imagery of your magazine
is something I experience as degrading to my humanity.
218
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,520
Because they're better-looking
than you?
219
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:35,520
Howard, would you like to
help me explain?
220
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,520
Women are human beings with brains,
221
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,920
not just sexual objects
for your gratification.
222
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:44,680
Yeah, right.
Even, er...even these ones?
223
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:48,680
Especially those ones.
224
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,440
She's got some ludicrous idea
in her head
225
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:09,200
that she's gonna be able to stop
the SU from selling lads' mags.
226
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,800
I mean, what's the next logical step?
227
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,440
I have to wear a burqa?
228
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,920
Can you believe she thought
that Nuts was illegal?
229
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,480
She's completely clueless.
Yeah.
230
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:22,400
Like, she didn't even know who Simon Cowell
was until, like, two days ago.
231
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,360
And she thought Jordan was a country.
232
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,440
Well, you know, some women
bang the drum.
233
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:32,120
Others, like Trudi Miller,
for example, they use words,
234
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:36,120
and in a way I think
that's more powerful.
235
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:42,640
Would you excuse me for a moment?
236
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:48,880
All right, is he OK?
Because...beer mats?
237
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,960
Yeah, I think he was crying
on the way here.
238
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,600
He was definitely crying
this morning.
239
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,640
I'd say there's a chance
he's maybe not all right then.
240
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,920
Or maybe I'm reading
too much into it.
241
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,640
You should go and talk to him.
Find out.
242
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,720
Yeah, or, like, maybe you could talk
to him since you like him so much.
243
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,680
Or you could talk to him
multiple times.
244
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,720
OK, Kingsley, that's really
pathetic. This is serious.
245
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,160
Oh, sorry. So, you're allowed to
make jokes about the amnesty but I'm not...
246
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,840
Drinks ahoy!
Oh, thanks, Mrs Nordstrom.
247
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,120
Chris.
248
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:18,320
Are you sure you don't want some
money? Put it away.
249
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,440
My card's behind the bar
so it's ours for the night.
250
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,240
Oh, lovely alcohol.
251
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,680
Isn't alcohol great?
252
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:31,000
Has anyone else noticed how alcohol
just makes everything so much better?
253
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:35,000
Let's have a toast. To you guys.
To bright, bright futures!
254
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:40,080
Oh, and, ladies? Whatever you do,
don't get knocked up at 19.
255
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:44,080
Cos, trust me, it'll fuck up
the whole of the rest of your lives.
256
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,840
- To condoms!
- To condoms!
257
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,720
Oh. Ha-ha! Good one.
258
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:53,320
I am so glad that my little Milly
has found such lovely friends.
259
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,800
To Milly!
260
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,840
To my little millstone
round my neck!
261
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:01,280
- Ha-ha!
- To your millstone!
262
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:05,280
To your millstone.
Ha-ha-ha!
263
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,800
Babe, what's your beef with boobs?
Boobs are great.
264
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,240
To boobs!
Boobs!
265
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,480
Now, right,
what I don't understand is,
266
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:43,480
how comes there's all these magazines
full of loads of pictures of tits, right?
267
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,880
But when I'm at the Swansea Lido
and I take my top off to sunbathe,
268
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:54,760
I got escorted off the premises,
yeah, and given a three-month ban?
269
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,960
Because, idiot,
boobs aren't for kids.
270
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,960
Er...actually, JP, boobs...
271
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,680
JP, what do you think of mine?
272
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,120
Er...
273
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:07,720
I, erm...well,
274
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:11,720
well, it's very difficult to... to assess
them when they're not in the wild.
275
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,040
Erm...I've been fooled
by a push-up bra before.
276
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:21,040
Erm...I guess on, um...balance,
they, er...they look pretty reasonable.
277
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,800
How many pieces did I say?
278
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,920
Vod, I don't want to fuck your mum.
279
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,000
What? Why not?
What's wrong with her?
280
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,600
There's nothing wrong with her, Vod.
281
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,520
I mean, normally
I'd be all over that old gold...
282
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,240
Watch it.
283
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,880
It's just that right now
I'm not feeling particularly sexual.
284
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,040
Yeah, all...all right.
Don't pour your heart out.
285
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:47,960
I'm not that interested.
Drink your drink.
286
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,280
How many's that?
287
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,800
It's like my third, Mum.
288
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:58,560
It's like all that stuff that Miller
says about the Cold War.
289
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,880
Like, I didn't even know
I was making that comparison.
290
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,760
It's like she sees into my soul.
291
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:04,960
Whoops! Oh.
292
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,000
Sorry, I think
I'm a little bit drunk.
293
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,840
Yeah, that's a surprisingly
coherent assessment.
294
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,680
Are you OK, babe?
295
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,680
Do you know your fucking problem,
Kingsley? Chris.
296
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:21,000
You're too fucking nice.
297
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,800
You wanna keep a hold of him, love.
298
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,800
Cos most of 'em are just drunks
and cunts.
299
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,000
Another round.
300
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:39,000
Yes! Yes, yes, yes.
301
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,760
You know, I shouldn't even be a mum.
Yeah.
302
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,760
I tried to go to the clinic to have
an abortion but they said I was too late. Fucking wankers.
303
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,480
But, I mean, obviously,
you don't regret it, though?
304
00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,600
Having Vod?
305
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:00,920
Every day.
306
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:04,800
That's why I used to palm her off
on her nan as much as I could.
307
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,120
Oh.
308
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:11,120
Doesn't it drive you crazy living
with her? She's so fucking messy.
309
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:16,200
Well, we're all quite...quite messy,
to be honest.
310
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,240
Vod's great. She's funny.
311
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:23,240
She...she's hot. She's a ledge.
312
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:25,880
I don't know why you're all
defending her
313
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,080
cos she thinks you're all
a load of geeks and poshos.
314
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,000
Yeah, and you, specifically.
315
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:35,000
The word...the word
she used for you was twat.
316
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,240
Oh?
317
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,640
You think you're all her friends
318
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,120
but what you don't understand is
Milly hasn't got any friends.
319
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,560
She's cold.
320
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,560
Cold, cold, cold. Ha-ha.
321
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:51,560
Even when she was a baby, she had, like,
these cold, dead eyes of a killer.
322
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,320
I've been scared of her
all her life.
323
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,800
You never know
what she's gonna do next.
324
00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,800
Me, on the other hand...
325
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:08,400
..I am a fuckload of fun.
326
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,200
OK, look, I'm a bit of
a fan of licking
327
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,400
but I personally found that
very intrusive.
328
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,720
Oh, what have you done?
329
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:26,800
Er...excuse me?
330
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,730
I'm sorry. Er...we need another card.
This one's been declined.
331
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,320
Crying. Beer mats.
332
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,960
And now cheese.
333
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:47,320
I don't think I'm adding two and two
together and getting five,
334
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:51,320
when I say,
"Will he actually kill himself?"
335
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,880
He's a student.
Student suicide is on the increase.
336
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,440
Interesting. He might stab himself...
337
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:03,440
multiple times. Although,
would he actually have stabbed himself or would he have faked it?
338
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,960
Oh!
339
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:13,280
My, er...mum's
got something that she wants to say.
340
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,760
Chris? Yeah.
341
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,600
Er...yeah, sorry about last night.
342
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,080
Erm...and, er...
343
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,760
for the record,
er...yeah, Vod loves you guys.
344
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,480
So...so, like, nothing I said
was true.
345
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,880
So, erm...I'm just having a few
personal problems at the moment.
346
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:33,880
Jim, my boyfriend, sort of. Ha-ha!
He's a gambler. Blackjack.
347
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:37,000
He's got this system where like,
er...you track the dealer
348
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,040
through the...through the pack of
cards...
349
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:44,040
Yeah, anyway, so, erm...yeah,
just to, like, to say sorry,
350
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,840
I wanted to cook you dinner.
351
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,560
Cos I cook this fantastic
Barbary duck.
352
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,800
So, don't...don't eat today.
Cos it's gonna be massive.
353
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,320
Yeah?
354
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,280
Oh, yeah. So, I'm so, so sorry. Hm!
355
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:58,240
Yeah.
356
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:02,080
Object to objectification!
357
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,480
Object to objectification!
358
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,080
I object to your objections
to objectification.
359
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:11,080
Candice, as I'm sure you can
appreciate, for someone like me,
360
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,720
erm...depictions,
representations, if you like,
361
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,320
are all that's available to me
in terms of intimacy.
362
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,400
Those of us who exist on a mainly
solitary basis, you know,
363
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,200
we have to often resort
to the only means available.
364
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,840
I'm a bit lost. Are you talking
about wanking off to porn?
365
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,320
No!
366
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,160
But if I was?
Porn is very exploitative, Howard.
367
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:36,120
Yes, I know that, Morpheus,
thanks to you and your red pill.
368
00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:38,600
So, that's why I looked up
organic porn.
369
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,640
You know, the free-range stuff,
the good stuff.
370
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,160
Where the women have space
to roam around?
371
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,400
And it turns out
it doesn't exist. No.
372
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:50,400
So, I would very much like to go
back and take the blue pill. Please.
373
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:51,800
I'm not sure I follow.
374
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,640
Candice, I don't want to wank off
to art.
375
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,600
I've done it before.
It just isn't the same.
376
00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,600
Well, if you're that desperate,
we could always just have sex.
377
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,720
That was a feminist joke.
378
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:08,720
I've got a tutorial.
Shit.
379
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,800
I'll not endure it.
380
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,920
His knights grow...
381
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,480
Ooh.
382
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,040
Hey, Vod. Where's your mum?
383
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:25,040
Oh, out buying ingredients. Heh.
384
00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:28,840
Bit glad of a breather, as it goes.
She's winding me right up.
385
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,920
Mums, eh? Drive you mental.
386
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,920
Yeah. I just hate the way you always
have to look out for your mum. You know?
387
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,440
Like you take your eyes off her
for one second
388
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,920
and she's fucking buying speed
off an undercover cop
389
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:46,920
or shagging your geography teacher
at parents' evening, I mean, you know?
390
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,320
Yeah, I guess.
It's like having a kid.
391
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:55,320
Only worse.
At least a kid leaves home at 14.
392
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,080
Oh...
393
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,480
Mums, eh?
394
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:04,480
Yeah.
395
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:18,400
OK, so, I don't particularly, er...
for various reasons, give a fuck,
396
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,080
but we've noticed you seem
a bit weird.
397
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,160
I'm fine.
398
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,360
Will you tell us
if you're going to kill yourself?
399
00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:31,240
Because we don't want to
have to live with the guilt.
400
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,280
I say we. I mean Josie. She feels
responsible, for some reason.
401
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:38,280
Probably cos she feels guilty
that when you slept together, she faked it.
402
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:43,360
Um...she definitely
didn't fake it, either time.
403
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:44,880
Like you'd even know.
404
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:48,240
Um...I'd know. I can tell.
I know the signs.
405
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,040
What signs?
I can't remember all of them.
406
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,240
I'd have to dig out my stack of FHMs.
407
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:57,000
Why? Do you want sex tips?
408
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,600
Are you kidding me?
I give sex tips. I don't take them.
409
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,240
Ear lick. Rotate the pudendum.
Bum tickle.
410
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:04,280
Wow!
411
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:08,120
I'm like a drone for the G-spot.
You should be writing this down.
412
00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:10,040
Thanks, Kingsley,
413
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:13,040
but it's like you're rolling out
GCSE physics,
414
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,160
but you're talking to Einstein.
415
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,840
I'm OK in that department.
416
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,800
Thanks.
417
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,800
Now go on, fuck off.
418
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,480
All right, Einstein?
419
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,560
Oh, hey. Do you think
420
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,480
there's any chance that
the Trudi Miller who wrote my review
421
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:49,160
also works at the University of Cincinnati
and lectures in graphic design?
422
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,600
No.
423
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,400
Erm...see this...
424
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:59,400
..sexual objectification,
I mean, how big a deal is it?
425
00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,080
It doesn't affect you, does it?
426
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,320
No way. Well, not me.
427
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,720
I mean, when I was at school, yeah.
428
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,720
Cos, erm...men in white vans always beep
at you when you're in your school uniform.
429
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,200
But other than that, only when
I'm walking home alone late at night.
430
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,120
Or going past a building site.
431
00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:20,800
Or wearing a short skirt.
432
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,440
Or on the beach.
433
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:25,400
Sometimes in a club maybe?
434
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,360
Oh, and once I was in Florence
435
00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:29,760
and there was this strange man
who put his hand on my arse
436
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:31,840
and, um...showed me his willy.
437
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:35,240
And then, when I got back to the
hotel, I found jizz on my rucksack.
438
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:39,240
But other than that
it's, like, no big deal. Why?
439
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,920
The red pill is a bitter pill
to swallow.
440
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,600
Right, shift up.
441
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:47,120
What...what are you doing?
442
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:50,360
I am going to help you find
Trudi Miller.
443
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,840
How come?
Generalised feelings of guilt.
444
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,080
Cool. There is nothing on Google.
445
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:59,080
I have my ways.
446
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,600
No, I just want to look into her eyes
and say,
447
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,200
"Thank you, Trudi,
you've changed my life."
448
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,360
Hm. Interesting.
449
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:11,000
There's a...what seems to be
co-ordinates.
450
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:15,000
If I triangulate those,
I should get a map location.
451
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:18,800
Yup. There we go.
452
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,800
Do you know that bit of waste ground
behind Humanities?
453
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:23,520
How weird.
454
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:27,000
Maybe she's some kind
of wise-woman guru type.
455
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:31,000
I'd better go check it out.
Thanks, Howard.
456
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:33,880
His knights grow... Riotous.
457
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,360
Yeah, I know. Er...
458
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,640
His knights grow riotous,
459
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:42,440
and himself upbraids us
on every trifle...
460
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:48,880
What?
Trifle. That's a joke, isn't it?
461
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:51,360
I don't think so.
462
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:54,640
Oh, yeah. Shakespeare's
full of double meanings.
463
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:56,440
Well, she's meant to be angry.
464
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:58,480
Yeah, I know, but it's a bit
sort of...
465
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,760
if it hasn't got any humour in it,
it's a bit...
466
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,760
Anyway, what...what do I know?
Come on. Carry on, carry on.
467
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:08,760
Er...no, don't...don't worry about it.
I'd better go, or I'll be late if I don't.
468
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,840
Oh.
469
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,760
Aw.
470
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:20,760
Don't be late for Barbary duck!
471
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,800
Oh.
472
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,720
It's a bit small, isn't it?
I think it suits you.
473
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,120
There she is, boys.
474
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,240
Mick from the shop
is pretty peed off with you.
475
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:08,080
So? You know what your problem is,
sweetheart?
476
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:09,520
You're a munter.
477
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,600
You're pug.
478
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:14,360
No-one's going to ask you
to take your tits out for a magazine
479
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,200
so you're just jealous
of girls who can.
480
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:19,200
I don't agree with that statement
on various levels.
481
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:23,200
Thank you, Howard.
And who says I can't get my tits out?
482
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:25,880
I don't object to nudity.
483
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:27,840
I just don't like being objectified.
484
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,840
Well, I object to your nudity!
485
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,320
Fine! I'll get them out, then!
486
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:34,760
I am flying in the face
of body fascism!
487
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:36,920
I don't think you are,
young lady!
488
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,880
This is a public place.
Get off me! Leave me alone!
489
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:43,720
I'm getting my tits out, Candice!
I'm getting 'em out for the girls!
490
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:47,720
Thank you.
491
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,480
And himself upbraids us
492
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:05,480
on every trifle.
493
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:10,280
On every trifle.
494
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:20,400
Fuck this.
495
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:30,120
Can I boil you a cup of tea?
No, thanks.
496
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:34,240
Trudi Miller loved your piece.
I'm glad Trudi Miller loved it.
497
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:37,800
I'm just not glad that Trudi Miller
turned out to be Tony Shales.
498
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:41,280
"I found myself hoping that
this young woman would live her life
499
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,680
"as courageously as she writes
her plays."
500
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:45,760
I meant that.
I thought you saw into my soul.
501
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,480
But you were just trying
to persuade me to shag you again.
502
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:50,840
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Obviously you don't want to.
503
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,440
Do you? No!
504
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:59,440
OK, OK.
505
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:03,480
I thought your play was very brave.
That's all.
506
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:07,160
It wasn't. It was terrible.
I'm a terrible writer.
507
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,880
Only your dialogue.
Your prose is much better.
508
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:13,480
You've never read any of my prose.
509
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:16,120
So, is this where you live now?
510
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:19,040
Oh, God, no! Ha-ha-ha!
Only during the week.
511
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:22,000
At weekends
I'm back at Mum and Dad's.
512
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:26,000
Just an accumulation
of various shit things, really.
513
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:29,000
It's funny,
you think your life's all sorted.
514
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:33,000
Then one thing leads to another
and before you know it, it's not.
515
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,800
Ah, well.
516
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,840
It's all water under the bridge now.
517
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:43,320
Tell you what, though.
It'd make a good plot, wouldn't it?
518
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,320
I'm not going to write
a play about you, Tony.
519
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,520
OK.
520
00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,480
Oh, fuck.
521
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,400
I think she's had a bit more
than she's letting on.
522
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,280
Why don't you ask her
to slow down a bit?
523
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,040
Oh, yeah, good idea.
Have you got a mum?
524
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,200
I don't understand.
525
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,920
Well, it would be like the time I asked
her not to get pissed at sports day.
526
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,080
What does she do?
Drops acid instead.
527
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:20,080
Thinks another kid's me. Tries to
take him home. Police got involved.
528
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:24,160
It's just usual mum shit.
You know what I'm talking about.
529
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,800
Yeah, my mum's more sort of like,
530
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,680
"If you get your nose pierced, I'll throw
you out the house" sort of thing.
531
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:34,520
Yeah. Mine's like, "Don't drink too much, don't
do drugs and never eat cheese before bed."
532
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:38,520
Starters are up. Ha-ha-ha!
533
00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:43,120
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Me first.
534
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,880
This is good.
Coke staves off the Beast.
535
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,400
Ha! Hoo!
536
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:52,400
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
537
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,040
Little Miss Goody-Goody's
not so good after all.
538
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,040
Chris... What? It's a joke.
539
00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,360
She thinks it's funny!
540
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,320
I see you, blondie.
Yeah, I see everything.
541
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,760
Why don't we go and do the duck?
Sniff it up, Boris!
542
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,800
It won't help you get it up,
but it might take your mind off it.
543
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:11,360
In the kitchen now!
544
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:14,120
I see the pretentious try-hard
with her arty hairdo.
545
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:18,120
I see Little Miss Mousey,
who's gonna end up fucking the freak.
546
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,880
Ha-ha! And I see him, yeah,
who can't get it up
547
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,640
cos he's too in love with
the girl that rejected him.
548
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,400
Oh, that is a shame.
549
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,960
That's hard. Not hard, in fact.
550
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,760
And I see them
with their doomed relationship!
551
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,640
Well, that woman is
clearly delusional.
552
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,600
You fucking idiot!
553
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,960
You fucking moron, Violet!
554
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:46,200
I told you I was cooking
Barbary duck.
555
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,640
How could you let me
forget to buy the duck?
556
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,880
Er...right, sorry about that, guys.
557
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,040
Erm...it's just the Beast.
558
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:56,360
Probably best to evacuate the area.
559
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:58,120
Who's the Beast?
560
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:02,120
I've...I've got two mums,
Amazing Mum and Mum the Beast,
561
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:05,120
and after a certain amount
of alcohol,
562
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:08,080
the Beast comes out and there's
nothing you can do about it.
563
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:11,280
It's best to go upstairs,
564
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,920
hide under your bed
and, er...wait for it to pass out.
565
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:15,800
- Fuck!
- Vod.
566
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:19,560
I believe what you have is not two mums,
but one mum who drinks too much.
567
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:23,200
Yeah, she has to drink too much,
because she's unhappy,
568
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:26,040
because I ruined her life
by being born.
569
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:30,040
But you didn't choose to be born.
We... None of us did.
570
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,960
Yeah, that's true, isn't it?
571
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:38,720
Fuck.
572
00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:42,000
You idiot!
Time to go.
573
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,640
Well, everyone say thank you
to the millstone for fucking up the dinner,
574
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,960
as well as everything else.
575
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,760
You're a shit mum.
Oh, that is fucking charming.
576
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:54,400
I offer to cook you dinner and I forget
one ingredient and I'm a shit mum?
577
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:58,040
You know what I'm like when I go shopping.
You should have reminded me.
578
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:02,040
Remembered your coke, though, didn't you?
Remembered your eight bottles of wine? Exactly.
579
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:03,280
So, how am I shit?
580
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:07,280
Because...this feeling I get
when I'm with you...
581
00:37:09,720 --> 00:37:13,720
...like I'm shit, that's cos of you!
582
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:18,640
And I've always thought, "If Mum
thinks I'm shit, then I must be shit,
583
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,320
"cos mums are supposed to think
their kids are nice."
584
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:24,560
But actually it's you that's shit!
585
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:28,560
Say that again. Go on, I dare you.
586
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,320
Why? What you gonna do?
587
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:37,320
You're shit.
588
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:40,560
Shit.
589
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:42,640
You fucking selfish little bitch!
590
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,800
Stop! This is no way to solve...
I fucking don't believe this!
591
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:49,040
I have given up my whole life
for this! You're shit!
592
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:50,320
I should warn you...
You're fucking shit!
593
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:53,440
I have been in a fight before and I'm not
afraid to... You can fuck off as well!
594
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,760
You fucking ruined my fucking life!
595
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,640
And I can't stand it
any fucking more!
596
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:03,560
Yes! I don't even like melon!
I don't like fucking melon!
597
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:06,560
You make me sick, all of you!
598
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,880
Where's your fucking dad, eh?
599
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:12,160
Where was your fucking dad?
600
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,520
Now you know
why I get cross with you!
601
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:18,520
Cos I'm fed up with your shit!
602
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,560
We're not doomed, are we?
603
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,560
No, we're not doomed.
604
00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:44,760
I think I know why I couldn't
get it up with your mum.
605
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,800
Yeah, mate, that's just...
606
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:52,200
it's not a great sentence,
you know?
607
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:56,200
It wasn't just because it was morally wrong
and a betrayal of our friendship.
608
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:03,400
It was because she wasn't Sam...
609
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:07,400
and...I miss Sam.
610
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:12,360
I know you guys all think
that I'm this...lovable rogue...
611
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:15,360
this happy-go-lucky sex machine,
612
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:19,080
and I'm sorry to let you down...
613
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,680
..but I think...
614
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:23,640
I think I have a broken heart!
615
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:31,920
She wasn't good enough
for you, mate.
616
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:35,200
Do you really mean that?
617
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:38,920
No. But it's what people say.
618
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,360
I knew JP couldn't get it up.
I knew it.
619
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:44,680
Are you getting turned on by the thought
of JP not getting an erection?
620
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,680
OK, should we be doing this?
I don't give a fuck.
621
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:17,920
I've called you a taxi.
622
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:19,280
Oh...
623
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:23,280
You can't blame the Beast
this time, Mum.
624
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:28,000
Not any more.
625
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:57,720
That is for trying to fuck my mum.
626
00:41:02,752 --> 00:41:32,965
627
00:41:33,015 --> 00:41:37,565
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