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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,560 This film is great. 2 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,880 Films are great. 3 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,800 Are you all right? 4 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:43,800 Not still thinking about Sam slam-dunking you in the reject bin? 5 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,800 No. Who's Sam? I don�t even know a Sam. 6 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,200 Sorry, are you tidying? 7 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,400 Yeah. My, er...mum's coming to stay. 8 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:56,320 You've got a mum? 9 00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:00,240 Well, I say mum. She's more like my sister or my best mate. 10 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,520 Ooh. Reviews are in. Deep breaths. 11 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,520 Who wants to read them with me? 12 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,520 Erm...Vod�s got a mum, and she's coming to stay. 13 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:12,960 My mum is young and hot, 14 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,760 and if you fuck my hot young mum, 15 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,640 I will chop your dick into a thousand tiny pieces. 16 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:21,160 Ooh, a thousand pieces? A thousand tiny pieces. 17 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:25,160 So, you are correctly imagining that I have quite a big dick, then? 18 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,920 Just stay away from her. Got it? 19 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,921 Yes, Vod. 20 00:01:33,378 --> 00:01:57,219 21 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:02,480 "It is rare to feel so bored so quickly during the opening lines of a play... 22 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,800 "...although, luckily, as the story got going, I found myself waking up." 23 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,800 Ha! See? Um...that's deliberate. Like Waiting For Godot. 24 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:17,000 "But unlike in classics such as Waiting For Godot, 25 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,200 "this was because I found the play so profoundly irritating 26 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:24,200 "that for the first time ever I was forced to give a show no stars." 27 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,960 Like I give a shit what you think, mate. Ha! Next! 28 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,600 Er...ooh. 29 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,760 "This play is almost completely without merit." 30 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,640 Oh. 31 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:39,640 "It is only Violet Nordstrom's savage and raw portrayal of the mother, 32 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,520 "an eminently watchable performance, 33 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:48,520 "which stops this being the worst play the student theatre has ever staged." 34 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:54,640 Well, that�s a good one anyway. 35 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,880 Are you looking at me cos I'm watchable? 36 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,880 What's the last one? Student Echo. 37 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:06,880 Oh, what do those morons have to say? Trudi Miller's verdict, four stars. 38 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:17,560 Finally. 39 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:18,640 Yes. 40 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:21,720 OK, so, everything that pisses you off about me. 41 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:25,720 Nothing is taboo. We get it all out and get over it, OK? 42 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,720 So, I'll go first to demonstrate. 43 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:31,720 So, under me I'm going to put, "Josie accidentally had sex with Baz." 44 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:38,040 And under you I�m gonna put, "Kingsley cheated on Josie with Heather." 45 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,560 Failed to break up with Heather because of family tragedy. 46 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:44,640 OK, whatever. Failed to break up with/cheated with Heather. 47 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:48,320 Just put Heather. Heather. 48 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:52,320 OK, good, now I can never have a go at you about it ever again. Got it? 49 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,240 I think this is good. Yes. We're handing in our weapons. 50 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,280 Exactly, so they can't hurt us any more. 51 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:05,280 OK, next I'm gonna put, "Josie hates it when Kingsley bangs on about music 52 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,520 "even though he knows she's not interested in it." 53 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,160 Your turn. 54 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,080 Kingsley hates it when Josie gets aggressive. 55 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:18,080 It's unnecessary and unattractive. 56 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:23,520 Yeah. Good one. 57 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,560 Come on, Howard. I just want to write to her and say thank you. 58 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,600 Do you have any idea what it feels like to be rejected by the majority 59 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,800 and then have one lone voice stand up for you? 60 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,880 To answer your questions respectively, yes and no. 61 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,200 And who's been eating my Shreddies? 62 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,360 "Shawcross rages against societal norms, 63 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:44,160 "in a voice that shifts easily from satire to poetry. 64 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:47,480 "'Reject the system' is her rallying cry." 65 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,000 You memorised it? 66 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,720 No, I didn't mean to. I just... I have a photographic memory for praise. 67 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:56,720 Look, if Miller's not on Google, it means she doesn't want to be found. 68 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,320 Where did you get that? 69 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,880 Oh, yeah. I've been radicalised. 70 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,680 By a T-shirt? By my new tutor. 71 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,480 Nicole Mauve. She's amazing. 72 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:12,040 You've got Mauve? I thought she was on sabbatical. 73 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:16,040 Mauve was on sabbatical writing her book. I read it. It basically changed my life. 74 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,920 Well, you can�t become a radical feminist by reading a book. 75 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:22,600 I've got a copy, if you want to read it. 76 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,320 Er... Sexual Objectification And Subordination. 77 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,600 I don't need to read it. 78 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:30,080 I'm already being persecuted by the press for my radical politics. 79 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,920 Fine. I'll give it to Howard, then. I'm holding my bowl. 80 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:37,920 I'll pop it down there for you. 81 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,200 Hello. 82 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,720 Kingsley failed to laugh 83 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:59,720 at Josie�s hilarious joke about over-the-counter decongestants. 84 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:12,480 I�m actually laughing now, just thinking about it. 85 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:16,480 Right, well, is that it? Anything else you need to tell me? 86 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:17,880 Are you done already? 87 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:21,880 I'm done. Aren't you? 88 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:26,480 What? 89 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:38,320 I fake orgasms. 90 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,360 What did you say? 91 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,840 Not always. Just sometimes. 92 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,240 And I thought I should say, 93 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:52,240 just in case we really do end up spending the rest of our lives together. 94 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:57,640 How much of the time? 95 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,840 I don�t know. Er...70 per cent? 96 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:03,400 70 per cent are genuine? 97 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,520 70 per cent are fake? I'll put 65. 98 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,080 Don't put it if it's not true. 99 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:12,080 Split the difference. 66. 100 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,120 Right, I think I'm done. 101 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:19,120 So, now everything on this piece of paper is officially forgotten about. 102 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:30,000 Whoo! 103 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:37,560 I'll get it! 104 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,800 Ah! Oh! Oh, Milly! 105 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,320 Milly? 106 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,280 Oh. 107 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:51,280 Everyone, this is Chris. Chris, everyone. 108 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,800 Well, I'm an English student but I�m also kind of an artist in my own right. 109 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,640 Yeah, but be careful what you say 110 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,560 or you might end up in her play as an illiterate sex pest. 111 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:06,360 Ha-ha-ha! Awesome. Ha-ha-ha! 112 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:10,360 What do you study? 113 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:14,360 Oh, erm...geology. Yeah. 114 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,400 I just started pharmacology. 115 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,000 Oh, study drugs? 116 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,880 Well, yeah, but...but nothing illegal. 117 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:24,040 Heh-heh! It�s all right, Jose. One thing you'll learn about me. 118 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,320 I fucking hate all that mum shit. 119 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,640 Oh, right. Great. 120 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:32,640 Ah. Feminist, yeah? My mum was a feminist in the '70s. 121 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:37,400 And that is why in the '90s we told feminism to go fuck itself. 122 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:40,600 Now, that�s radical. 123 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,080 I wouldn�t mind freshening up, actually, if that's cool. 124 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,560 I'll take you up. Great! 125 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:49,560 Why don�t I take you all out to the pub tomorrow night, yeah? My shout. 126 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:52,640 That is so cool. 127 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:55,200 My mum would never take us to the pub. 128 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:59,200 She'd take us somewhere really boring like Sadler's Wells or fucking Glyndebourne. 129 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:03,240 Yeah, well, I know what you guys like. 130 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:12,320 You will come to the pub, won't you? Don't just say yeah and then don�t come. 131 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,720 Yeah, you promise? 132 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,840 Oh, God. 133 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:29,920 What you reading? 134 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:33,080 Oh, yeah, I wasn�t... 135 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,560 Er... King Lear. I might audition. 136 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:37,080 Ah! More acting, eh? 137 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:40,040 Oh, you've seen the review. I'm officially savage and watchable. 138 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:44,040 Oh, I used to love acting. I was actually genuinely talented as well. 139 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:48,400 So, what are the young ones like? 140 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,080 Who? Your housemates. 141 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:55,080 Oh, right. Yeah, er...yeah, it's good. 142 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,720 I mean, I don�t know. 143 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,280 I thought they�d all be geeks and poshos, which they are. 144 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:05,280 But they're my geeks and poshos. I don't know. 145 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,560 JP's all right, though, isn't he? House hottie. 146 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:09,320 Don't even think about it. 147 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,360 What, you think I'm past it? No! 148 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:15,320 No, I...I mean, bit of a twat, isn't he? 149 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,160 He's not good enough for you. Anyway, what about Jim? 150 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:22,160 Oh, Jim Schmim. He gave up trying to control me a long time ago. 151 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:27,400 Do you think this might fit me? 152 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:06,320 I'm gonna have a hot, soapy shower, cos I'm really dirty. 153 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,120 OK. Hope there's a lock, 154 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:14,120 cos I would hate anyone to burst in when I'm completely naked. 155 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,520 Oh! Well...there is. 156 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:22,520 You...you just push the thing into the... 157 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,200 Yeah. 158 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,600 ..a beautiful-looking glow from day one and advanced protection. 159 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,120 Our sun protection has never... 160 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,560 Morning, Howard. 161 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,480 What you watching? OK, I admit it. 162 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,280 I observed your buttocks as you went into the kitchen. 163 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,200 I meant on the telly. Oh. 164 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,040 Did you really? Erm... 165 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,400 I... 166 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,680 I feel I should apologise. 167 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:10,400 For watching my bum? The truth is, 168 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,400 I have objectified you on more than one occasion. 169 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,680 I see. 170 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:17,480 I mean, you are a sexually mature female 171 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,120 and, as a result, I just think it's my habitual reflex 172 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:23,720 to value you purely on the societal norms of physical attractiveness. 173 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,840 You read the book? 174 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:29,080 I was drawn into its murky world, yes. 175 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:32,240 My goodness, Howard! Do you realise what this means? 176 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:36,240 You're now officially a feminist. 177 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:56,360 Are you awake? 178 00:12:56,360 --> 00:13:00,120 I thought maybe we could try something. 179 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,640 Yeah, like what? 180 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:06,640 OK, let me just... Bear with me. 181 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:09,840 Kingsley? 182 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,840 OK. 183 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:14,520 OK. 184 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,200 Lift up your nightie. OK, stop, look. 185 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,640 Your technique is not the problem. 186 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,640 If anything, it's the opposite. 187 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,040 What do you mean, the opposite? 188 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:28,040 You're too eager to please. You worry too much. That puts a lot of pressure on me. 189 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,480 So, you told me I was shit so I'd worry about it less? 190 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:34,480 I told you because you kept doing the things that would make me fake-come the first time, 191 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,200 and things, by the way, I don't actually like. 192 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,880 I didn't think you were gonna have a fucking crisis about it. 193 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,880 You didn't realise I'd have a crisis? God, Kingsley. Faking orgasms is so normal. 194 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,160 Every girl you've slept with has probably done it. 195 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:49,960 Oh, that makes it better! I did it with Baz. I did it with Dave all the time. 196 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,840 Did you do it with JP? 197 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,800 I... Probably. I can't remember. 198 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,000 Did you? I just said... 199 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:01,000 You can't lie. Don't lie. OK. Fine. Look, I didn't have to do it with JP, because it happened for real. 200 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:08,400 What, both times? 201 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,720 Multiple ti... Oh, no. Yeah, erm...both. Yes, both times. 202 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:15,720 Thank you. No, it's good to be specific. Clarity really is everything, isn't it? 203 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:20,200 Don't worry. You're the world's bestest snuggler. 204 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:24,360 Oh, good. That makes it better. 205 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,080 Howard, hey! 206 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,560 Over here. Oh. Hi. 207 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:57,320 Look! Can you believe this guy? 208 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,080 Reading a magazine full of sexually objectifying images, 209 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,000 out in the open, like he doesn't give a shit. 210 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,280 I know that individual, and it's probable he doesn't care. 211 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:10,280 Yeah? Well, as feminists, Howard, it's our job to make him care. 212 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,080 I am not... Come on. 213 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,120 Where are you going? I'm going to enlighten him. 214 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:18,240 Excuse me. 215 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,080 I object to your objectification. 216 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,160 Hello. 217 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:27,160 The imagery of your magazine is something I experience as degrading to my humanity. 218 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,520 Because they're better-looking than you? 219 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:35,520 Howard, would you like to help me explain? 220 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,520 Women are human beings with brains, 221 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,920 not just sexual objects for your gratification. 222 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:44,680 Yeah, right. Even, er...even these ones? 223 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:48,680 Especially those ones. 224 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,440 She's got some ludicrous idea in her head 225 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:09,200 that she's gonna be able to stop the SU from selling lads' mags. 226 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,800 I mean, what's the next logical step? 227 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,440 I have to wear a burqa? 228 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,920 Can you believe she thought that Nuts was illegal? 229 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,480 She's completely clueless. Yeah. 230 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:22,400 Like, she didn't even know who Simon Cowell was until, like, two days ago. 231 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,360 And she thought Jordan was a country. 232 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,440 Well, you know, some women bang the drum. 233 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:32,120 Others, like Trudi Miller, for example, they use words, 234 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:36,120 and in a way I think that's more powerful. 235 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:42,640 Would you excuse me for a moment? 236 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:48,880 All right, is he OK? Because...beer mats? 237 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,960 Yeah, I think he was crying on the way here. 238 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,600 He was definitely crying this morning. 239 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,640 I'd say there's a chance he's maybe not all right then. 240 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,920 Or maybe I'm reading too much into it. 241 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,640 You should go and talk to him. Find out. 242 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,720 Yeah, or, like, maybe you could talk to him since you like him so much. 243 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,680 Or you could talk to him multiple times. 244 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,720 OK, Kingsley, that's really pathetic. This is serious. 245 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,160 Oh, sorry. So, you're allowed to make jokes about the amnesty but I'm not... 246 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,840 Drinks ahoy! Oh, thanks, Mrs Nordstrom. 247 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,120 Chris. 248 00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:18,320 Are you sure you don't want some money? Put it away. 249 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,440 My card's behind the bar so it's ours for the night. 250 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,240 Oh, lovely alcohol. 251 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,680 Isn't alcohol great? 252 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:31,000 Has anyone else noticed how alcohol just makes everything so much better? 253 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:35,000 Let's have a toast. To you guys. To bright, bright futures! 254 00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:40,080 Oh, and, ladies? Whatever you do, don't get knocked up at 19. 255 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:44,080 Cos, trust me, it'll fuck up the whole of the rest of your lives. 256 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,840 - To condoms! - To condoms! 257 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,720 Oh. Ha-ha! Good one. 258 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:53,320 I am so glad that my little Milly has found such lovely friends. 259 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,800 To Milly! 260 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,840 To my little millstone round my neck! 261 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:01,280 - Ha-ha! - To your millstone! 262 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:05,280 To your millstone. Ha-ha-ha! 263 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,800 Babe, what's your beef with boobs? Boobs are great. 264 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,240 To boobs! Boobs! 265 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,480 Now, right, what I don't understand is, 266 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:43,480 how comes there's all these magazines full of loads of pictures of tits, right? 267 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,880 But when I'm at the Swansea Lido and I take my top off to sunbathe, 268 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:54,760 I got escorted off the premises, yeah, and given a three-month ban? 269 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,960 Because, idiot, boobs aren't for kids. 270 00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,960 Er...actually, JP, boobs... 271 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,680 JP, what do you think of mine? 272 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,120 Er... 273 00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:07,720 I, erm...well, 274 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:11,720 well, it's very difficult to... to assess them when they're not in the wild. 275 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,040 Erm...I've been fooled by a push-up bra before. 276 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:21,040 Erm...I guess on, um...balance, they, er...they look pretty reasonable. 277 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,800 How many pieces did I say? 278 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,920 Vod, I don't want to fuck your mum. 279 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,000 What? Why not? What's wrong with her? 280 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,600 There's nothing wrong with her, Vod. 281 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,520 I mean, normally I'd be all over that old gold... 282 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,240 Watch it. 283 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,880 It's just that right now I'm not feeling particularly sexual. 284 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,040 Yeah, all...all right. Don't pour your heart out. 285 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:47,960 I'm not that interested. Drink your drink. 286 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,280 How many's that? 287 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,800 It's like my third, Mum. 288 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:58,560 It's like all that stuff that Miller says about the Cold War. 289 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,880 Like, I didn't even know I was making that comparison. 290 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,760 It's like she sees into my soul. 291 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:04,960 Whoops! Oh. 292 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,000 Sorry, I think I'm a little bit drunk. 293 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,840 Yeah, that's a surprisingly coherent assessment. 294 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,680 Are you OK, babe? 295 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,680 Do you know your fucking problem, Kingsley? Chris. 296 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:21,000 You're too fucking nice. 297 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,800 You wanna keep a hold of him, love. 298 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,800 Cos most of 'em are just drunks and cunts. 299 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,000 Another round. 300 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:39,000 Yes! Yes, yes, yes. 301 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,760 You know, I shouldn't even be a mum. Yeah. 302 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,760 I tried to go to the clinic to have an abortion but they said I was too late. Fucking wankers. 303 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,480 But, I mean, obviously, you don't regret it, though? 304 00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,600 Having Vod? 305 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:00,920 Every day. 306 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:04,800 That's why I used to palm her off on her nan as much as I could. 307 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,120 Oh. 308 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:11,120 Doesn't it drive you crazy living with her? She's so fucking messy. 309 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:16,200 Well, we're all quite...quite messy, to be honest. 310 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,240 Vod's great. She's funny. 311 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:23,240 She...she's hot. She's a ledge. 312 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:25,880 I don't know why you're all defending her 313 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,080 cos she thinks you're all a load of geeks and poshos. 314 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,000 Yeah, and you, specifically. 315 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:35,000 The word...the word she used for you was twat. 316 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,240 Oh? 317 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,640 You think you're all her friends 318 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,120 but what you don't understand is Milly hasn't got any friends. 319 00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,560 She's cold. 320 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,560 Cold, cold, cold. Ha-ha. 321 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:51,560 Even when she was a baby, she had, like, these cold, dead eyes of a killer. 322 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,320 I've been scared of her all her life. 323 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,800 You never know what she's gonna do next. 324 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,800 Me, on the other hand... 325 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:08,400 ..I am a fuckload of fun. 326 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,200 OK, look, I'm a bit of a fan of licking 327 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,400 but I personally found that very intrusive. 328 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,720 Oh, what have you done? 329 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:26,800 Er...excuse me? 330 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,730 I'm sorry. Er...we need another card. This one's been declined. 331 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,320 Crying. Beer mats. 332 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,960 And now cheese. 333 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:47,320 I don't think I'm adding two and two together and getting five, 334 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:51,320 when I say, "Will he actually kill himself?" 335 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,880 He's a student. Student suicide is on the increase. 336 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,440 Interesting. He might stab himself... 337 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:03,440 multiple times. Although, would he actually have stabbed himself or would he have faked it? 338 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,960 Oh! 339 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:13,280 My, er...mum's got something that she wants to say. 340 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,760 Chris? Yeah. 341 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,600 Er...yeah, sorry about last night. 342 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,080 Erm...and, er... 343 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,760 for the record, er...yeah, Vod loves you guys. 344 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,480 So...so, like, nothing I said was true. 345 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,880 So, erm...I'm just having a few personal problems at the moment. 346 00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:33,880 Jim, my boyfriend, sort of. Ha-ha! He's a gambler. Blackjack. 347 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:37,000 He's got this system where like, er...you track the dealer 348 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,040 through the...through the pack of cards... 349 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:44,040 Yeah, anyway, so, erm...yeah, just to, like, to say sorry, 350 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,840 I wanted to cook you dinner. 351 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,560 Cos I cook this fantastic Barbary duck. 352 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,800 So, don't...don't eat today. Cos it's gonna be massive. 353 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,320 Yeah? 354 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,280 Oh, yeah. So, I'm so, so sorry. Hm! 355 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:58,240 Yeah. 356 00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:02,080 Object to objectification! 357 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,480 Object to objectification! 358 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,080 I object to your objections to objectification. 359 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:11,080 Candice, as I'm sure you can appreciate, for someone like me, 360 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,720 erm...depictions, representations, if you like, 361 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,320 are all that's available to me in terms of intimacy. 362 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,400 Those of us who exist on a mainly solitary basis, you know, 363 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,200 we have to often resort to the only means available. 364 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,840 I'm a bit lost. Are you talking about wanking off to porn? 365 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,320 No! 366 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,160 But if I was? Porn is very exploitative, Howard. 367 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:36,120 Yes, I know that, Morpheus, thanks to you and your red pill. 368 00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:38,600 So, that's why I looked up organic porn. 369 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:41,640 You know, the free-range stuff, the good stuff. 370 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,160 Where the women have space to roam around? 371 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,400 And it turns out it doesn't exist. No. 372 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:50,400 So, I would very much like to go back and take the blue pill. Please. 373 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:51,800 I'm not sure I follow. 374 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,640 Candice, I don't want to wank off to art. 375 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,600 I've done it before. It just isn't the same. 376 00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,600 Well, if you're that desperate, we could always just have sex. 377 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,720 That was a feminist joke. 378 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:08,720 I've got a tutorial. Shit. 379 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,800 I'll not endure it. 380 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,920 His knights grow... 381 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,480 Ooh. 382 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,040 Hey, Vod. Where's your mum? 383 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:25,040 Oh, out buying ingredients. Heh. 384 00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:28,840 Bit glad of a breather, as it goes. She's winding me right up. 385 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,920 Mums, eh? Drive you mental. 386 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,920 Yeah. I just hate the way you always have to look out for your mum. You know? 387 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,440 Like you take your eyes off her for one second 388 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,920 and she's fucking buying speed off an undercover cop 389 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:46,920 or shagging your geography teacher at parents' evening, I mean, you know? 390 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,320 Yeah, I guess. It's like having a kid. 391 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:55,320 Only worse. At least a kid leaves home at 14. 392 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,080 Oh... 393 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,480 Mums, eh? 394 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:04,480 Yeah. 395 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:18,400 OK, so, I don't particularly, er... for various reasons, give a fuck, 396 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,080 but we've noticed you seem a bit weird. 397 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,160 I'm fine. 398 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,360 Will you tell us if you're going to kill yourself? 399 00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:31,240 Because we don't want to have to live with the guilt. 400 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,280 I say we. I mean Josie. She feels responsible, for some reason. 401 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:38,280 Probably cos she feels guilty that when you slept together, she faked it. 402 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:43,360 Um...she definitely didn't fake it, either time. 403 00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:44,880 Like you'd even know. 404 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:48,240 Um...I'd know. I can tell. I know the signs. 405 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,040 What signs? I can't remember all of them. 406 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,240 I'd have to dig out my stack of FHMs. 407 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:57,000 Why? Do you want sex tips? 408 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,600 Are you kidding me? I give sex tips. I don't take them. 409 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,240 Ear lick. Rotate the pudendum. Bum tickle. 410 00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:04,280 Wow! 411 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:08,120 I'm like a drone for the G-spot. You should be writing this down. 412 00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:10,040 Thanks, Kingsley, 413 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:13,040 but it's like you're rolling out GCSE physics, 414 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,160 but you're talking to Einstein. 415 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,840 I'm OK in that department. 416 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,800 Thanks. 417 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,800 Now go on, fuck off. 418 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,480 All right, Einstein? 419 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,560 Oh, hey. Do you think 420 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,480 there's any chance that the Trudi Miller who wrote my review 421 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:49,160 also works at the University of Cincinnati and lectures in graphic design? 422 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,600 No. 423 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,400 Erm...see this... 424 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:59,400 ..sexual objectification, I mean, how big a deal is it? 425 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,080 It doesn't affect you, does it? 426 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,320 No way. Well, not me. 427 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,720 I mean, when I was at school, yeah. 428 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,720 Cos, erm...men in white vans always beep at you when you're in your school uniform. 429 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,200 But other than that, only when I'm walking home alone late at night. 430 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,120 Or going past a building site. 431 00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:20,800 Or wearing a short skirt. 432 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,440 Or on the beach. 433 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:25,400 Sometimes in a club maybe? 434 00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,360 Oh, and once I was in Florence 435 00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:29,760 and there was this strange man who put his hand on my arse 436 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:31,840 and, um...showed me his willy. 437 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:35,240 And then, when I got back to the hotel, I found jizz on my rucksack. 438 00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:39,240 But other than that it's, like, no big deal. Why? 439 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,920 The red pill is a bitter pill to swallow. 440 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,600 Right, shift up. 441 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:47,120 What...what are you doing? 442 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:50,360 I am going to help you find Trudi Miller. 443 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,840 How come? Generalised feelings of guilt. 444 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,080 Cool. There is nothing on Google. 445 00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:59,080 I have my ways. 446 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,600 No, I just want to look into her eyes and say, 447 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,200 "Thank you, Trudi, you've changed my life." 448 00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,360 Hm. Interesting. 449 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:11,000 There's a...what seems to be co-ordinates. 450 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:15,000 If I triangulate those, I should get a map location. 451 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:18,800 Yup. There we go. 452 00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,800 Do you know that bit of waste ground behind Humanities? 453 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:23,520 How weird. 454 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:27,000 Maybe she's some kind of wise-woman guru type. 455 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:31,000 I'd better go check it out. Thanks, Howard. 456 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:33,880 His knights grow... Riotous. 457 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,360 Yeah, I know. Er... 458 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,640 His knights grow riotous, 459 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:42,440 and himself upbraids us on every trifle... 460 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:48,880 What? Trifle. That's a joke, isn't it? 461 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:51,360 I don't think so. 462 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:54,640 Oh, yeah. Shakespeare's full of double meanings. 463 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:56,440 Well, she's meant to be angry. 464 00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:58,480 Yeah, I know, but it's a bit sort of... 465 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,760 if it hasn't got any humour in it, it's a bit... 466 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,760 Anyway, what...what do I know? Come on. Carry on, carry on. 467 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:08,760 Er...no, don't...don't worry about it. I'd better go, or I'll be late if I don't. 468 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,840 Oh. 469 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,760 Aw. 470 00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:20,760 Don't be late for Barbary duck! 471 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,800 Oh. 472 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,720 It's a bit small, isn't it? I think it suits you. 473 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,120 There she is, boys. 474 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,240 Mick from the shop is pretty peed off with you. 475 00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:08,080 So? You know what your problem is, sweetheart? 476 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:09,520 You're a munter. 477 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,600 You're pug. 478 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:14,360 No-one's going to ask you to take your tits out for a magazine 479 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,200 so you're just jealous of girls who can. 480 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:19,200 I don't agree with that statement on various levels. 481 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:23,200 Thank you, Howard. And who says I can't get my tits out? 482 00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:25,880 I don't object to nudity. 483 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:27,840 I just don't like being objectified. 484 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,840 Well, I object to your nudity! 485 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,320 Fine! I'll get them out, then! 486 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:34,760 I am flying in the face of body fascism! 487 00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:36,920 I don't think you are, young lady! 488 00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,880 This is a public place. Get off me! Leave me alone! 489 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:43,720 I'm getting my tits out, Candice! I'm getting 'em out for the girls! 490 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:47,720 Thank you. 491 00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,480 And himself upbraids us 492 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:05,480 on every trifle. 493 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:10,280 On every trifle. 494 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:20,400 Fuck this. 495 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:30,120 Can I boil you a cup of tea? No, thanks. 496 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:34,240 Trudi Miller loved your piece. I'm glad Trudi Miller loved it. 497 00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:37,800 I'm just not glad that Trudi Miller turned out to be Tony Shales. 498 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:41,280 "I found myself hoping that this young woman would live her life 499 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,680 "as courageously as she writes her plays." 500 00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:45,760 I meant that. I thought you saw into my soul. 501 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,480 But you were just trying to persuade me to shag you again. 502 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:50,840 Oh, don't be ridiculous. Obviously you don't want to. 503 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,440 Do you? No! 504 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:59,440 OK, OK. 505 00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:03,480 I thought your play was very brave. That's all. 506 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:07,160 It wasn't. It was terrible. I'm a terrible writer. 507 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,880 Only your dialogue. Your prose is much better. 508 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:13,480 You've never read any of my prose. 509 00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:16,120 So, is this where you live now? 510 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:19,040 Oh, God, no! Ha-ha-ha! Only during the week. 511 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:22,000 At weekends I'm back at Mum and Dad's. 512 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:26,000 Just an accumulation of various shit things, really. 513 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:29,000 It's funny, you think your life's all sorted. 514 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:33,000 Then one thing leads to another and before you know it, it's not. 515 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,800 Ah, well. 516 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,840 It's all water under the bridge now. 517 00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:43,320 Tell you what, though. It'd make a good plot, wouldn't it? 518 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,320 I'm not going to write a play about you, Tony. 519 00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,520 OK. 520 00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,480 Oh, fuck. 521 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,400 I think she's had a bit more than she's letting on. 522 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,280 Why don't you ask her to slow down a bit? 523 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,040 Oh, yeah, good idea. Have you got a mum? 524 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,200 I don't understand. 525 00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,920 Well, it would be like the time I asked her not to get pissed at sports day. 526 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,080 What does she do? Drops acid instead. 527 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:20,080 Thinks another kid's me. Tries to take him home. Police got involved. 528 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:24,160 It's just usual mum shit. You know what I'm talking about. 529 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,800 Yeah, my mum's more sort of like, 530 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,680 "If you get your nose pierced, I'll throw you out the house" sort of thing. 531 00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:34,520 Yeah. Mine's like, "Don't drink too much, don't do drugs and never eat cheese before bed." 532 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:38,520 Starters are up. Ha-ha-ha! 533 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:43,120 Ha-ha-ha-ha! Me first. 534 00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,880 This is good. Coke staves off the Beast. 535 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,400 Ha! Hoo! 536 00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:52,400 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 537 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,040 Little Miss Goody-Goody's not so good after all. 538 00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,040 Chris... What? It's a joke. 539 00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,360 She thinks it's funny! 540 00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,320 I see you, blondie. Yeah, I see everything. 541 00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,760 Why don't we go and do the duck? Sniff it up, Boris! 542 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,800 It won't help you get it up, but it might take your mind off it. 543 00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:11,360 In the kitchen now! 544 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:14,120 I see the pretentious try-hard with her arty hairdo. 545 00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:18,120 I see Little Miss Mousey, who's gonna end up fucking the freak. 546 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,880 Ha-ha! And I see him, yeah, who can't get it up 547 00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,640 cos he's too in love with the girl that rejected him. 548 00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,400 Oh, that is a shame. 549 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,960 That's hard. Not hard, in fact. 550 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,760 And I see them with their doomed relationship! 551 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,640 Well, that woman is clearly delusional. 552 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,600 You fucking idiot! 553 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,960 You fucking moron, Violet! 554 00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:46,200 I told you I was cooking Barbary duck. 555 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,640 How could you let me forget to buy the duck? 556 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,880 Er...right, sorry about that, guys. 557 00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,040 Erm...it's just the Beast. 558 00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:56,360 Probably best to evacuate the area. 559 00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:58,120 Who's the Beast? 560 00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:02,120 I've...I've got two mums, Amazing Mum and Mum the Beast, 561 00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:05,120 and after a certain amount of alcohol, 562 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:08,080 the Beast comes out and there's nothing you can do about it. 563 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:11,280 It's best to go upstairs, 564 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,920 hide under your bed and, er...wait for it to pass out. 565 00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:15,800 - Fuck! - Vod. 566 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:19,560 I believe what you have is not two mums, but one mum who drinks too much. 567 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:23,200 Yeah, she has to drink too much, because she's unhappy, 568 00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:26,040 because I ruined her life by being born. 569 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:30,040 But you didn't choose to be born. We... None of us did. 570 00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,960 Yeah, that's true, isn't it? 571 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:38,720 Fuck. 572 00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:42,000 You idiot! Time to go. 573 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,640 Well, everyone say thank you to the millstone for fucking up the dinner, 574 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,960 as well as everything else. 575 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,760 You're a shit mum. Oh, that is fucking charming. 576 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:54,400 I offer to cook you dinner and I forget one ingredient and I'm a shit mum? 577 00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:58,040 You know what I'm like when I go shopping. You should have reminded me. 578 00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:02,040 Remembered your coke, though, didn't you? Remembered your eight bottles of wine? Exactly. 579 00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:03,280 So, how am I shit? 580 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:07,280 Because...this feeling I get when I'm with you... 581 00:37:09,720 --> 00:37:13,720 ...like I'm shit, that's cos of you! 582 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:18,640 And I've always thought, "If Mum thinks I'm shit, then I must be shit, 583 00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,320 "cos mums are supposed to think their kids are nice." 584 00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:24,560 But actually it's you that's shit! 585 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:28,560 Say that again. Go on, I dare you. 586 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,320 Why? What you gonna do? 587 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:37,320 You're shit. 588 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:40,560 Shit. 589 00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:42,640 You fucking selfish little bitch! 590 00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,800 Stop! This is no way to solve... I fucking don't believe this! 591 00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:49,040 I have given up my whole life for this! You're shit! 592 00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:50,320 I should warn you... You're fucking shit! 593 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:53,440 I have been in a fight before and I'm not afraid to... You can fuck off as well! 594 00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,760 You fucking ruined my fucking life! 595 00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,640 And I can't stand it any fucking more! 596 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:03,560 Yes! I don't even like melon! I don't like fucking melon! 597 00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:06,560 You make me sick, all of you! 598 00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,880 Where's your fucking dad, eh? 599 00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:12,160 Where was your fucking dad? 600 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,520 Now you know why I get cross with you! 601 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:18,520 Cos I'm fed up with your shit! 602 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,560 We're not doomed, are we? 603 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,560 No, we're not doomed. 604 00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:44,760 I think I know why I couldn't get it up with your mum. 605 00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,800 Yeah, mate, that's just... 606 00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:52,200 it's not a great sentence, you know? 607 00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:56,200 It wasn't just because it was morally wrong and a betrayal of our friendship. 608 00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:03,400 It was because she wasn't Sam... 609 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:07,400 and...I miss Sam. 610 00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:12,360 I know you guys all think that I'm this...lovable rogue... 611 00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:15,360 this happy-go-lucky sex machine, 612 00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:19,080 and I'm sorry to let you down... 613 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,680 ..but I think... 614 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:23,640 I think I have a broken heart! 615 00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:31,920 She wasn't good enough for you, mate. 616 00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:35,200 Do you really mean that? 617 00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:38,920 No. But it's what people say. 618 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,360 I knew JP couldn't get it up. I knew it. 619 00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:44,680 Are you getting turned on by the thought of JP not getting an erection? 620 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,680 OK, should we be doing this? I don't give a fuck. 621 00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:17,920 I've called you a taxi. 622 00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:19,280 Oh... 623 00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:23,280 You can't blame the Beast this time, Mum. 624 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:28,000 Not any more. 625 00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:57,720 That is for trying to fuck my mum. 626 00:41:02,752 --> 00:41:32,965 627 00:41:33,015 --> 00:41:37,565 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 49768

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