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1
00:00:20,045 --> 00:00:23,324
It's been a long,
dry summer, my friend.
2
00:00:23,325 --> 00:00:26,564
But finally, the antelope
are returning to the watering hole.
3
00:00:26,565 --> 00:00:29,364
JP, you know how...
4
00:00:29,365 --> 00:00:30,924
I had sex last year?
5
00:00:30,925 --> 00:00:33,644
Howard, please don't make
me think about your penis.
6
00:00:33,645 --> 00:00:37,044
Well, I thought about
it and I liked it.
7
00:00:37,045 --> 00:00:38,404
I would like to do it again.
8
00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:40,804
Are you asking me
to train you up like a monkey?
9
00:00:40,805 --> 00:00:44,805
OK. I like it. I boss you
round, tell you what to do.
10
00:00:45,405 --> 00:00:47,284
It'll be like Driving Miss Daisy.
11
00:00:47,285 --> 00:00:51,285
Or like when Caligula
made his horse a senator.
12
00:00:53,365 --> 00:00:55,004
Pussy Haven?
13
00:00:55,005 --> 00:00:56,444
Really, JP?
14
00:00:56,445 --> 00:00:58,284
What's wrong with 28 Hartnell?
15
00:00:58,285 --> 00:01:01,084
It's evocative...
of where the house is.
16
00:01:01,085 --> 00:01:04,324
It's boring. 25 Hartnell,
26 Hartnell, 27 Hartnell...
17
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,484
Ooh, I know what's coming next.
18
00:01:06,485 --> 00:01:09,724
Or do I?
Boom - Pussy Haven.
19
00:01:09,725 --> 00:01:11,924
You don't get it, do you?
It's romantic.
20
00:01:11,925 --> 00:01:15,925
It's stylish.
And it is very, very sexy.
21
00:01:19,697 --> 00:01:44,711
22
00:01:48,245 --> 00:01:50,244
Candice was home-schooled.
23
00:01:50,245 --> 00:01:52,804
She's a... very sensitive person.
24
00:01:52,805 --> 00:01:55,884
We were worried about the sort
of people she'd meet in halls.
25
00:01:55,885 --> 00:01:58,604
It's an unsettling time,
a time of change.
26
00:01:58,605 --> 00:02:01,484
We thought she'd be better off
living with second years.
27
00:02:01,485 --> 00:02:03,164
Would you keep an eye out for her?
28
00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:07,165
Oh, absolutely.
29
00:02:08,805 --> 00:02:11,324
If she's hot,
I'm definitely going to fuck her.
30
00:02:11,325 --> 00:02:13,084
Oh... What?!
31
00:02:13,085 --> 00:02:16,164
Come on, Kingsley,
the newbies are incoming.
32
00:02:16,165 --> 00:02:18,804
Fuck trains full of hot bods.
33
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,804
First year is beer year,
34
00:02:20,805 --> 00:02:22,684
third year is fear year
35
00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:24,644
but second year is...
36
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:25,924
spear year.
37
00:02:25,925 --> 00:02:28,604
Oh, boys, it's going
to be fuck-ageddon.
38
00:02:28,605 --> 00:02:30,204
Porn sex on tap.
39
00:02:30,205 --> 00:02:32,924
I've got a sex engine and it runs
on cum. I was going to make tea,
40
00:02:32,925 --> 00:02:35,844
but I feel like I'd be swimming
through JP's semen to get there.
41
00:02:35,845 --> 00:02:39,124
Mate, you're just jealous because
you're all, like, Mrs Heather.
42
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:42,284
Heather? It's basically over.
You broke up?
43
00:02:42,285 --> 00:02:46,004
She's been out east with
her family, I sent her an Updike,
44
00:02:46,005 --> 00:02:48,724
she sent me The End Of The Affair.
Pretty much says it all.
45
00:02:48,725 --> 00:02:51,724
Right...
We texted loads at first,
46
00:02:51,725 --> 00:02:54,044
then a few e-mails, then nothing.
47
00:02:54,045 --> 00:02:57,844
I guess we'll do the break-up
formalities when she's back, but...
48
00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,324
Yeah.
49
00:02:59,325 --> 00:03:02,724
She had one of her scabs
laminated and sent me that, so...
50
00:03:02,725 --> 00:03:04,604
What about Josie?
Josie who?
51
00:03:04,605 --> 00:03:08,124
Josie who lived here?
Josie who moved to Southampton?
52
00:03:08,125 --> 00:03:09,804
Oh, Josie!
53
00:03:09,805 --> 00:03:12,044
Josie, Josie, Josie!
54
00:03:12,045 --> 00:03:16,045
That cat. That whole
weird trip is over like Dover.
55
00:03:17,285 --> 00:03:19,444
Yeah, OK, I did
think about her a bit.
56
00:03:19,445 --> 00:03:22,644
In fact, in July, I kind of...
57
00:03:22,645 --> 00:03:25,644
wrote her a book.
You wrote her a book?!
58
00:03:25,645 --> 00:03:28,724
But then in August I binned it.
Perfect. So you're single!
59
00:03:28,725 --> 00:03:32,725
You boys can be my wingmen, feasting
on the hotties that I reject.
60
00:03:33,285 --> 00:03:36,444
Oh, boys, it's going to be
incredible. Team Hard-on.
61
00:03:36,445 --> 00:03:38,564
The Three Cockateers.
62
00:03:38,565 --> 00:03:42,565
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly.
63
00:04:16,045 --> 00:04:20,045
Does anyone want any of my shit?
64
00:04:20,165 --> 00:04:22,924
If anyone wants anything, take it.
65
00:04:22,925 --> 00:04:24,884
Yep. Read.
66
00:04:24,885 --> 00:04:26,444
Uh-huh.
67
00:04:26,445 --> 00:04:28,804
Decent introduction to the subject.
68
00:04:28,805 --> 00:04:32,484
Not her best. I just realised
some stuff in South America.
69
00:04:32,485 --> 00:04:35,924
Like what? Like some people are
rich and some people are poor.
70
00:04:35,925 --> 00:04:37,364
Where's Vod?
71
00:04:37,365 --> 00:04:41,365
She is coming back, right?
I mean, I knew it, but now I know it.
72
00:04:41,685 --> 00:04:44,324
I mean, I thought I knew it
on my year off, but, God...
73
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,084
I was such a dick on my year off.
74
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:48,964
I mean, I thought I knew everything,
but really I knew nothing.
75
00:04:48,965 --> 00:04:52,804
Now... I know everything.
76
00:04:52,805 --> 00:04:55,084
Did something happen
in South America?
77
00:04:55,085 --> 00:04:57,084
With you and Vod?
78
00:04:57,085 --> 00:04:58,564
Yes.
79
00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:00,404
We had an amazing time and then we
80
00:05:00,405 --> 00:05:04,405
just came back on
slightly different flights.
81
00:05:04,925 --> 00:05:06,924
So, my dad's a piano tutor
82
00:05:06,925 --> 00:05:09,924
and my mum is a translator
and a seamstress.
83
00:05:09,925 --> 00:05:12,564
And I've got four
brothers and one sister,
84
00:05:12,565 --> 00:05:14,764
which means we can
play as an octet.
85
00:05:14,765 --> 00:05:18,004
Although it can get pretty intense
and Martha had to have her nails
86
00:05:18,005 --> 00:05:20,044
trimmed after she
scarred Milo's cheek.
87
00:05:20,045 --> 00:05:21,844
'Oh...!
88
00:05:21,845 --> 00:05:24,964
'Well, I hope you'll be
really happy in our house.
89
00:05:24,965 --> 00:05:27,204
'Er, the... the house.'
Thank you!
90
00:05:27,205 --> 00:05:31,124
And are you having a good time,
whoever you are, wherever you are?
91
00:05:31,125 --> 00:05:33,884
'Me? Er, yeah - totally!
92
00:05:33,885 --> 00:05:37,484
'Totally. It's mental. It's brilliant
down here, I'm loving it.'
93
00:05:37,485 --> 00:05:40,164
The robot doth protest
too much, methinks.
94
00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:41,724
'Fuck off, Kingsley. What? Oi -
95
00:05:41,725 --> 00:05:44,084
'don't walk away from
me when I'm talking to you!
96
00:05:44,085 --> 00:05:46,924
'Can someone turn me round, please?
I can't see him.
97
00:05:46,925 --> 00:05:48,964
'Thank you, Candice.
98
00:05:48,965 --> 00:05:51,244
'So, yeah, it's a bit lame
99
00:05:51,245 --> 00:05:54,644
'but, erm, if you fancied it,
there's a traffic-light party,
100
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:56,084
'down here... Friday...?'
101
00:05:56,085 --> 00:05:59,724
A traffic-light party...
in Southampton?
102
00:05:59,725 --> 00:06:02,084
Salt marshes of the Solent.
103
00:06:02,085 --> 00:06:04,284
I'm not getting burnt twice,
sweetheart.
104
00:06:04,285 --> 00:06:06,884
Yeah, I don't think so. Soz, Jose.
105
00:06:06,885 --> 00:06:08,964
'Come on, guys, it's Freshers' Week!'
106
00:06:08,965 --> 00:06:11,604
So is this like a normal
night for you guys, then?
107
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:15,605
The salt marshes, the... pineapple,
the iPad and everything?
108
00:06:15,965 --> 00:06:19,044
Ah! No! Are you kidding?
109
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,724
I mean, I'm just surprised
that nobody's OD'd already.
110
00:06:21,725 --> 00:06:24,044
I've got a bloody
loyalty card at A & E...
111
00:06:24,045 --> 00:06:28,045
Oh, that is tart!
112
00:06:28,085 --> 00:06:29,404
All right, losers?
113
00:06:29,405 --> 00:06:32,204
Oh, yeah, now we're talking!
Now we can get the party started.
114
00:06:32,205 --> 00:06:34,084
You all right, Vod?
All right?
115
00:06:34,085 --> 00:06:35,804
All right, Josie?
'All right, Vod?'
116
00:06:35,805 --> 00:06:37,724
All right, mate? All right, mate?
117
00:06:37,725 --> 00:06:40,444
So how was everything,
the flight and...?
118
00:06:40,445 --> 00:06:41,884
Yeah, fine. Good.
119
00:06:41,885 --> 00:06:43,044
Oh!
120
00:06:43,045 --> 00:06:45,964
So... Are we going to
get fucked or what?
121
00:06:45,965 --> 00:06:47,284
Fuck, yeah.
122
00:06:47,285 --> 00:06:48,684
See what I mean?
123
00:06:48,685 --> 00:06:50,124
I've got it.
124
00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:54,125
Let's crash the Freshers' Ball.
125
00:07:00,685 --> 00:07:02,524
Aw, look at them all!
126
00:07:02,525 --> 00:07:04,204
Freshers.
127
00:07:04,205 --> 00:07:06,284
It's just so funny, isn't it?
128
00:07:06,285 --> 00:07:07,844
'They've all got so much to learn.
129
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:10,884
'I mean, technically
I'm a fresher, of course,
130
00:07:10,885 --> 00:07:14,885
'but I've got the brain
of a second year.'
131
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:17,404
You dancing?
132
00:07:17,405 --> 00:07:21,405
Nah.
133
00:07:34,085 --> 00:07:36,004
Now... we're just surveying.
134
00:07:36,005 --> 00:07:37,124
OK.
135
00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:39,004
Nice.
136
00:07:39,005 --> 00:07:41,284
Horny surveyors.
137
00:07:41,285 --> 00:07:43,244
Sexual speed cameras.
138
00:07:43,245 --> 00:07:46,084
It's vital to identify
the hottest hottie
139
00:07:46,085 --> 00:07:48,404
to avoid the nightmare
scenario -
140
00:07:48,405 --> 00:07:52,044
I dive in, grab myself a hottie,
but then there's a hotter hottie,
141
00:07:52,045 --> 00:07:54,084
and it's too late,
I'm already committed.
142
00:07:54,085 --> 00:07:57,084
You could make a provisional choice
and manacle her to some pipe work
143
00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:59,684
while you continue your search.
Yeah. Mock me all you like,
144
00:07:59,685 --> 00:08:01,404
Knutsford, but
you need to get in there.
145
00:08:01,405 --> 00:08:03,044
Freshers' Week started yesterday.
146
00:08:03,045 --> 00:08:05,364
They're already getting
less vulnerable by the hour.
147
00:08:05,365 --> 00:08:07,284
Give me tips. Feed me.
148
00:08:07,285 --> 00:08:08,644
OK.
149
00:08:08,645 --> 00:08:11,564
For you, a classic.
150
00:08:11,565 --> 00:08:14,284
I bet you ?20
that you're going to turn me down.
151
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:16,564
It's a logic problem.
There's literally no way out.
152
00:08:16,565 --> 00:08:19,084
I like it. It's crafty.
153
00:08:19,085 --> 00:08:22,844
That could be quite
the money-spinner.
154
00:08:22,845 --> 00:08:25,564
Right. Target identified.
155
00:08:25,565 --> 00:08:29,565
In I go. Laters,
chronic masturbators.
156
00:08:34,245 --> 00:08:37,204
Competition. That's
the last thing I need.
157
00:08:37,205 --> 00:08:41,205
Other men curdling my sex stew.
We need to get away from him.
158
00:08:41,245 --> 00:08:45,244
In fact, even
you could be a distraction.
159
00:08:45,245 --> 00:08:49,245
"Even" me.
What do you mean, "even" me?
160
00:09:04,405 --> 00:09:05,844
'Stop, thief!'
161
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,844
What the hell?
162
00:09:07,845 --> 00:09:10,804
Are you just watching us
like we're Homeland?
163
00:09:10,805 --> 00:09:12,404
Do you even go out?
164
00:09:12,405 --> 00:09:15,364
Do you just sit in your room
like a hamster?
165
00:09:15,365 --> 00:09:16,884
Morning, guys.
166
00:09:16,885 --> 00:09:20,885
Morning, Josie.
'Morning, Candice!'
167
00:09:22,725 --> 00:09:26,725
Oh, just sparkin' a massive doobie.
168
00:09:26,885 --> 00:09:29,244
Ooh, as per bloody usual! Ha!
169
00:09:29,245 --> 00:09:32,164
Bang on the hoochie?
Sure, why not?
170
00:09:32,165 --> 00:09:34,244
Every bloody morning.
171
00:09:34,245 --> 00:09:38,245
Goddamn you, weed.
172
00:09:55,085 --> 00:09:57,204
Good morning.
173
00:09:57,205 --> 00:10:01,205
Is this... the house... of Vod?
174
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:05,685
I am her, er, friend... of Mexico.
175
00:10:05,925 --> 00:10:09,925
Sorry, I'm...
Oh, my... fuckin' life.
176
00:10:10,205 --> 00:10:11,924
Brilliant!
177
00:10:11,925 --> 00:10:13,564
Oh!
178
00:10:13,565 --> 00:10:15,644
Ohh! Aahh!
179
00:10:15,645 --> 00:10:19,004
Ah! Oh!
180
00:10:19,005 --> 00:10:23,005
OK, everything's a bit hairy out
there, a bit, you know, real.
181
00:10:23,445 --> 00:10:24,804
Are you OK? Yeah, I'm OK, if
182
00:10:24,805 --> 00:10:28,764
everyone will stop staring at me
for one single solitary second!
183
00:10:28,765 --> 00:10:32,484
Hi, everyone! This is Javier.
184
00:10:32,485 --> 00:10:34,684
Javier - everyone.
185
00:10:34,685 --> 00:10:36,444
Mucho gusto. Oregon!
186
00:10:36,445 --> 00:10:39,444
His English isn't great, but you
can sort of tell what he means
187
00:10:39,445 --> 00:10:40,844
if you look hard at his face.
188
00:10:40,845 --> 00:10:42,884
Me dijiste que te viniera
a ver cuando sea.
189
00:10:42,885 --> 00:10:46,044
Asi que vendi la moto,
y aqui me tienes.
190
00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:47,884
He says you said come
visit you whenever,
191
00:10:47,885 --> 00:10:49,764
so he sold his moped,
and here he is.
192
00:10:49,765 --> 00:10:52,084
Tell him, "Wicked!" Excelente!
193
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:55,004
Te quiero. Hmm?
He loves you.
194
00:10:55,005 --> 00:10:56,684
Fucking hell, Vod,
I would have thought
195
00:10:56,685 --> 00:10:58,804
you would know that one by
now - I did that one a lot.
196
00:10:58,805 --> 00:11:01,404
Did you have to do this
all the time in Mexico?
197
00:11:01,405 --> 00:11:03,364
Yeah. It was fine.
198
00:11:03,365 --> 00:11:06,564
Oh, tell him we
go upstairs now to...
199
00:11:06,565 --> 00:11:09,312
Well, actually, we were always
pretty good at working that one out.
200
00:11:23,566 --> 00:11:27,566
So, he gave/sold me the peyote
and it lasted for four days.
201
00:11:27,806 --> 00:11:30,485
And while I was high,
I read the whole of Chomsky
202
00:11:30,486 --> 00:11:33,525
and the whole of this Argos catalogue
that Vod had brought.
203
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,885
I basically saw it all.
204
00:11:34,886 --> 00:11:38,125
We had an Argos catalogue, but my
dad tore out certain sections.
205
00:11:38,126 --> 00:11:42,126
Anyway, I can show you it all.
I mean, if you can handle it.
206
00:11:42,526 --> 00:11:45,805
I'll take you under my wing
and I'll bust your head wide open.
207
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:49,806
Like, in a good way.
208
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,365
Just... don't get
too hung up on me, yeah?
209
00:11:52,366 --> 00:11:56,366
Um... OK.
210
00:11:56,806 --> 00:11:59,605
Javier seems nice. Yeah.
211
00:11:59,606 --> 00:12:03,525
How long were you two out there
before Vod got together with him? Oh, ages.
212
00:12:03,526 --> 00:12:05,165
Yeah, like... Um, like a week.
213
00:12:05,166 --> 00:12:06,725
Like three days.
214
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,805
I'm not sure you can round up
three days to a week.
215
00:12:09,806 --> 00:12:13,806
Oh, you can, Candy. If you try!
216
00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:17,245
So, if you just pop your name
and number down there,
217
00:12:17,246 --> 00:12:21,246
we'll get in touch about the hot-tub
social later in the week.
218
00:12:24,726 --> 00:12:26,725
Sorry. Um... We're full.
219
00:12:26,726 --> 00:12:29,405
Why don't you go and sign up
for Circus Skills.
220
00:12:29,406 --> 00:12:33,406
They actively encourage shitheads!
221
00:12:33,966 --> 00:12:35,485
Dry Slope Skiing?
222
00:12:35,486 --> 00:12:39,125
Well, it turns out that certain student
societies are virtually memberless,
223
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:41,565
but still legal entities.
224
00:12:41,566 --> 00:12:44,765
Shells ripe
for the hostile takeover.
225
00:12:44,766 --> 00:12:47,805
We have an admissions policy
which is extremely favourable
226
00:12:47,806 --> 00:12:49,365
towards high-level pussy.
227
00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:53,366
It's eugenics run by FHM.
228
00:13:01,806 --> 00:13:04,445
What if you get some hair
in the mix?
229
00:13:04,446 --> 00:13:07,245
That's hardly going to happen,
because he's so smooth and ripped.
230
00:13:07,246 --> 00:13:11,246
Like a great, firm man-peach.
231
00:13:17,126 --> 00:13:19,045
So, how long's Javier staying?
232
00:13:19,046 --> 00:13:21,525
He's flying back on Sunday.
233
00:13:21,526 --> 00:13:25,526
What's earlobe in Espanola?
I don't know.
234
00:13:28,566 --> 00:13:30,525
El lobulo de la oreja.
235
00:13:30,526 --> 00:13:34,526
What's, "You have juicy earlobes,
you hunky fucker"?
236
00:13:34,686 --> 00:13:38,686
Tienes lobulos jugosos,
cabron hunky.
237
00:13:38,846 --> 00:13:42,846
Me estas calentando.
Te voy a poner la cogida de tu vida.
238
00:13:43,566 --> 00:13:46,765
"Ha, ha, ha, I'm going to do
naughty things to your areas."
239
00:13:46,766 --> 00:13:50,766
Promises, promises!
240
00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:53,965
"Promesas, promesas."
241
00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:57,966
OK, this is just flirty chitchat,
so I'm bowing out now.
242
00:13:58,486 --> 00:14:02,486
Apparently, he was offered a place
at a soccer academy in San Diego.
243
00:14:03,846 --> 00:14:06,125
But preferred the beach life.
244
00:14:06,126 --> 00:14:09,125
That's why he didn't take up
the medical school place.
245
00:14:09,126 --> 00:14:11,685
I bet if there was a dog
with a broken leg,
246
00:14:11,686 --> 00:14:15,205
he could sort it out.
What do you think, Jose?
247
00:14:15,206 --> 00:14:16,245
Josie!
248
00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:17,285
'What?'
249
00:14:17,286 --> 00:14:19,125
'Josie, we're leaving now!'
250
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:22,565
'Wait for me, Baz, I'm coming!'
251
00:14:22,566 --> 00:14:24,725
'See you later.
I'm going to a foam party!'
252
00:14:24,726 --> 00:14:28,565
A foam party?! You serious?
What is this, 2006?
253
00:14:28,566 --> 00:14:32,445
You missing her, Kingo?
No, of course not.
254
00:14:32,446 --> 00:14:33,885
I mean, I miss her as a presence,
255
00:14:33,886 --> 00:14:35,725
but not as a being.
256
00:14:35,726 --> 00:14:37,925
Interesting distinction. I miss her.
257
00:14:37,926 --> 00:14:40,165
I'm not afraid to say so.
258
00:14:40,166 --> 00:14:43,685
And not just cos she was
"old dependable".
259
00:14:43,686 --> 00:14:45,965
My downstairs sex hole.
You can't say that.
260
00:14:45,966 --> 00:14:47,565
Well, I can, Kingsley,
261
00:14:47,566 --> 00:14:51,245
because I had sex with Josie
just as much as you did.
262
00:14:51,246 --> 00:14:53,125
Yeah, but I liked her.
263
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:54,565
I liked her too.
264
00:14:54,566 --> 00:14:58,165
You know, I'm not a beast, Kingsley.
JP, are you cooking?
265
00:14:58,166 --> 00:15:02,045
Yes, I'm cooking.
Obviously, I'm cooking.
266
00:15:02,046 --> 00:15:03,725
I've never seen you cook anything.
267
00:15:03,726 --> 00:15:05,805
That's because
I've never wanted to fuck you.
268
00:15:05,806 --> 00:15:07,085
If I'd wanted to fuck you,
269
00:15:07,086 --> 00:15:11,086
you would have seen
a hell of a lot more of my fondue.
270
00:15:12,086 --> 00:15:14,045
That is a fon-don't.
271
00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:18,046
This is not for you.
It's for our bitches.
272
00:15:22,846 --> 00:15:26,846
This is it, boys.
The hot-tub social.
273
00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:30,405
We are going to fuck
so many freshers.
274
00:15:30,406 --> 00:15:33,165
And we're not going to take no
for an answer.
275
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,045
No, we will take no for an answer.
276
00:15:35,046 --> 00:15:37,565
OK, but we'll take it
somewhat reluctantly.
277
00:15:37,566 --> 00:15:39,125
Hi, ladies.
278
00:15:39,126 --> 00:15:43,125
How wonderful of you to join us.
279
00:15:43,126 --> 00:15:47,126
Howard.
280
00:15:47,166 --> 00:15:51,166
This is awful...
281
00:15:52,206 --> 00:15:56,206
So lame.
282
00:15:56,526 --> 00:15:58,245
Oh, me?
283
00:15:58,246 --> 00:16:02,045
Howard.
284
00:16:02,046 --> 00:16:03,965
I just threw this on.
285
00:16:03,966 --> 00:16:07,005
It's my favourite jumper!
286
00:16:07,006 --> 00:16:10,205
Yeah, so what are you doing?
287
00:16:10,206 --> 00:16:14,206
Yeah, just...
practising the normality.
288
00:16:15,126 --> 00:16:18,325
Yep. Good to get some practice in.
289
00:16:18,326 --> 00:16:22,326
So, look... What, no blokes?
Apart from you three.
290
00:16:23,846 --> 00:16:26,605
OK, I admit it, the Dry Slope
Skiing Society, it's a shell.
291
00:16:26,606 --> 00:16:29,245
We only took it over to try and get
girls round the house.
292
00:16:29,246 --> 00:16:32,205
Relax. It's OK. I wouldn't have come
if I hadn't wanted.
293
00:16:32,206 --> 00:16:34,965
No?
I made a vow to my god, Jim Carey,
294
00:16:34,966 --> 00:16:37,845
to say yes to everything I was
offered during Freshers' Week
295
00:16:37,846 --> 00:16:40,245
and see what happens. Yeah.
296
00:16:40,246 --> 00:16:43,325
So far I've had
a fuck of a lot of cups of tea.
297
00:16:43,326 --> 00:16:45,365
I'm Sam, by the way. H-Bomb!
298
00:16:45,366 --> 00:16:48,845
Please, don't call me that!
Is the hot tub hot yet?
299
00:16:48,846 --> 00:16:52,846
Feels like in a couple of minutes
it may be merely cold.
300
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,845
Listen, Howard!
I'm Captain Kirk, you're Scotty.
301
00:16:55,846 --> 00:16:58,405
I expect you to be able to make
basic engineering decisions.
302
00:16:58,406 --> 00:17:02,406
JP, it's a large amount of water
and the heating element is extremely small.
303
00:17:02,766 --> 00:17:06,605
We are losing bodies through there!
Seriously, sort that shit out, Preparation H.
304
00:17:06,606 --> 00:17:08,165
That is considerably worse.
305
00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:11,485
So, tell me, Howard,
when were you sold into captivity
306
00:17:11,486 --> 00:17:15,486
and how much would I have to pay
to free you from your Aryan overlord?
307
00:17:15,726 --> 00:17:19,125
I'm busy, otherwise
I'd be zinging you straight back.
308
00:17:19,126 --> 00:17:23,126
Feel free to pop it in the post.
309
00:17:34,406 --> 00:17:37,645
Hey, it's hot-tub time, ladies.
Don't go yet!
310
00:17:37,646 --> 00:17:39,565
Things are just hotting up!
311
00:17:39,566 --> 00:17:42,245
'You definitely not coming down
for the traffic-light party?'
312
00:17:42,246 --> 00:17:44,405
Josie, don't be like that. I'm sorry.
313
00:17:44,406 --> 00:17:48,045
OK, I'm calling a meeting
of Team Hard-On. H from Steps,
314
00:17:48,046 --> 00:17:50,165
we need to get the hotties
into the hot tub.
315
00:17:50,166 --> 00:17:52,845
That is directive number one.
How do we make that happen?
316
00:17:52,846 --> 00:17:56,005
You know, the hot tub
doesn't actually make girls hot, JP.
317
00:17:56,006 --> 00:17:57,725
We trip them into it.
318
00:17:57,726 --> 00:18:01,165
We apparently humorously
chuck them into the hot tub.
319
00:18:01,166 --> 00:18:03,285
No. Terrible. Horrible.
320
00:18:03,286 --> 00:18:04,685
Look, I have a lot of ideas,
321
00:18:04,686 --> 00:18:07,045
some of them are bound
to be a bit idiotic.
322
00:18:07,046 --> 00:18:09,085
It's up to you boys
to be my brain-sieve.
323
00:18:09,086 --> 00:18:13,086
OK, everyone, can I get you outside?
324
00:18:14,806 --> 00:18:18,806
Out we go.
325
00:18:22,206 --> 00:18:24,325
OK, ladies.
326
00:18:24,326 --> 00:18:27,725
It's time to get down
to our bra and panties
327
00:18:27,726 --> 00:18:30,365
and make our way into the hot tub.
328
00:18:30,366 --> 00:18:34,366
You first. Fine. I hear you.
329
00:18:35,286 --> 00:18:39,286
Probably fair enough.
330
00:18:42,766 --> 00:18:45,845
Cheeky.
331
00:18:45,846 --> 00:18:47,845
Ah! Fucking hell!
332
00:18:47,846 --> 00:18:51,846
That... is... lovely!
333
00:19:02,566 --> 00:19:04,245
Oh...
334
00:19:04,246 --> 00:19:07,885
God, it's nice in here. Hot tub!
335
00:19:07,886 --> 00:19:10,885
Come and join me in the hot tub!
336
00:19:10,886 --> 00:19:13,925
It's so... hot in the hot tub.
337
00:19:13,926 --> 00:19:17,245
So I've got a list of dry-slope
skiing questions here,
338
00:19:17,246 --> 00:19:19,805
is it OK if I ask them now?
All right.
339
00:19:19,806 --> 00:19:23,806
See we've got a troublemaker!
340
00:19:26,046 --> 00:19:27,685
You winkled me out.
341
00:19:27,686 --> 00:19:30,445
There was a bit of
an ulterior motive to this club.
342
00:19:30,446 --> 00:19:33,445
But don't worry,
it's not horrible, it's nice.
343
00:19:33,446 --> 00:19:37,446
So, all I can say is...
344
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:43,125
Bloody congratulations!
345
00:19:43,126 --> 00:19:47,126
Ladies, you have all made it
into the house that we call -
346
00:19:47,166 --> 00:19:50,605
playfully, with a cheeky wink -
Pussy Haven.
347
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:53,445
Good night!
Honestly, it's not sleazy.
348
00:19:53,446 --> 00:19:56,965
It's an honour. You should be
giving yourselves a pat on the back.
349
00:19:56,966 --> 00:20:00,966
It's every young, ambitious woman's dream
to win a place in the Playboy Mansion.
350
00:20:02,886 --> 00:20:06,445
And you are the lucky few
that have made it in.
351
00:20:06,446 --> 00:20:10,446
So, I humbly offer up myself,
352
00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:13,285
and my faithful hound Howard,
353
00:20:13,286 --> 00:20:17,286
to tend to your every emotional,
spiritual
354
00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:19,445
and physical need.
355
00:20:19,446 --> 00:20:23,446
Let the Hunger Games begin.
356
00:20:25,326 --> 00:20:29,326
Let's go. Let's go.
Let's just walk away.
357
00:20:31,366 --> 00:20:35,366
Es que, en ingles no se, pero...
358
00:20:36,926 --> 00:20:40,165
Javier's been trying to talk to me
for, like, the last hour.
359
00:20:40,166 --> 00:20:41,765
Que quieres decirle?
360
00:20:41,766 --> 00:20:45,766
Bueno, que no pasa nada,
pero hay mala vibra entre nosotros.
361
00:20:46,086 --> 00:20:47,885
He says, no big deal,
362
00:20:47,886 --> 00:20:51,525
but he feels like there's been a bit of an
atmosphere between you two recently.
363
00:20:51,526 --> 00:20:53,685
Right. Yeah...
364
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,445
Let's... talk about everything.
365
00:20:56,446 --> 00:20:58,965
But I'm going to open a bottle of
wine, would you kick it off?
366
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:02,966
You know the kind of things
I think about stuff.
367
00:21:04,006 --> 00:21:06,565
Aw, cheer up, Larry Leadnuts!
368
00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:10,165
Why don't you head down the bingo
and look for Chorlton's hottest granny?
369
00:21:10,166 --> 00:21:12,005
Yeah, I know what you're implying,
Violet,
370
00:21:12,006 --> 00:21:15,445
and I'll have you know that the
fondue was actually a massive hit.
371
00:21:15,446 --> 00:21:18,525
And I'm going to track down
this little hottie called Sam.
372
00:21:18,526 --> 00:21:21,605
Eh, I don't think you should...
track down Sam.
373
00:21:21,606 --> 00:21:23,285
Why not?
374
00:21:23,286 --> 00:21:24,645
Because...
375
00:21:24,646 --> 00:21:27,405
Because I'm going out with her
to the pub on Saturday.
376
00:21:27,406 --> 00:21:29,325
Oh, my God.
377
00:21:29,326 --> 00:21:32,245
Howard... did you... pull?
378
00:21:32,246 --> 00:21:34,845
We're just going to the pub.
She's a psychology student,
379
00:21:34,846 --> 00:21:36,805
she may just want to use me
as a guinea pig
380
00:21:36,806 --> 00:21:40,125
in an upsetting psychological
experiment. Oh, my God, Howard.
381
00:21:40,126 --> 00:21:42,605
You're going for a drink in a pub
with a woman?!
382
00:21:42,606 --> 00:21:44,085
We haven't even kissed.
383
00:21:44,086 --> 00:21:46,965
There very probably
won't even be any... cocking.
384
00:21:46,966 --> 00:21:50,966
It's not called cocking, mate.
Howard, can I have a word?
385
00:21:55,566 --> 00:21:57,645
Look, re Sam,
386
00:21:57,646 --> 00:22:00,965
you do realise that you're seriously
punching above your weight?
387
00:22:00,966 --> 00:22:03,605
Yes.
She's the hottie, you're the nottie.
388
00:22:03,606 --> 00:22:06,245
You're driving a clown car
in the Monaco Grand Prix.
389
00:22:06,246 --> 00:22:09,005
JP, I know she's
really attractive...
390
00:22:09,006 --> 00:22:11,005
Yes, but obviously you don't.
391
00:22:11,006 --> 00:22:14,005
Look, I don't want to be rude,
but it's like...
392
00:22:14,006 --> 00:22:16,325
she's a proper human being
and you're...
393
00:22:16,326 --> 00:22:19,765
the Pig Man of Arbroath.
That is quite rude.
394
00:22:19,766 --> 00:22:21,725
She's the kind of woman
that I'm attracted to.
395
00:22:21,726 --> 00:22:23,525
That's the level
that we're talking here.
396
00:22:23,526 --> 00:22:26,245
JP, I'm sorry, I don't know
how this has happened,
397
00:22:26,246 --> 00:22:28,765
and of course it worries me,
398
00:22:28,766 --> 00:22:32,766
but it is me she's agreed
to go to the pub with, and not you.
399
00:22:34,326 --> 00:22:35,885
Guys...
400
00:22:35,886 --> 00:22:38,085
Look, I am really worried about
Josie, I have to say.
401
00:22:38,086 --> 00:22:40,285
Worried she's getting heave-hoed
in the dry docks?
402
00:22:40,286 --> 00:22:43,805
She's been checking and checking if we're
going to her pathetic traffic-light party.
403
00:22:43,806 --> 00:22:47,285
I thought her little heart was going
to break. I think maybe we should go down.
404
00:22:47,286 --> 00:22:51,125
Oh, I wouldn't mind getting out
and about for a bit. He won't mind the night off, will he?
405
00:22:51,126 --> 00:22:54,605
Javier. Te importa que Vod
vaya a Southampton?
406
00:22:54,606 --> 00:22:57,045
Pero es nuestra ultima noche juntos.
407
00:22:57,046 --> 00:22:58,925
He says,
but it's your last night together.
408
00:22:58,926 --> 00:23:02,525
Oh, yeah. Oh...
409
00:23:02,526 --> 00:23:06,526
I guess it'd be great
to show him Southampton... Castle.
410
00:23:06,646 --> 00:23:09,245
Is there a castle?
There's always a fuckin' castle.
411
00:23:09,246 --> 00:23:12,845
Drinking cider with freshers isn't
exactly taking peyote with a shaman.
412
00:23:12,846 --> 00:23:15,285
It wasn't a shaman,
he worked at the bus station.
413
00:23:15,286 --> 00:23:19,005
He had a hat! Bus conductor's hat.
414
00:23:19,006 --> 00:23:20,765
But a traffic-light party
might be fun.
415
00:23:20,766 --> 00:23:23,485
What about you, JP?
Damn straight I'm coming.
416
00:23:23,486 --> 00:23:26,085
There are officially no hotties
in Manchester.
417
00:23:26,086 --> 00:23:28,725
It's a duff year. A bad vintage.
418
00:23:28,726 --> 00:23:32,405
Hence why I'm starting afresh.
Rolling out the big guns.
419
00:23:32,406 --> 00:23:34,325
My natural assets.
420
00:23:34,326 --> 00:23:36,125
Your beautiful breasts?
421
00:23:36,126 --> 00:23:39,325
Money and connections. Yeah, baby.
422
00:23:39,326 --> 00:23:42,205
All aboard,
and I WILL buy you a latte,
423
00:23:42,206 --> 00:23:44,165
and I WILL take you to a place
on the King's Road
424
00:23:44,166 --> 00:23:47,605
where Prince Harry got a hand job off an
assistant manager at Abercrombie & Fitch.
425
00:23:47,606 --> 00:23:50,801
Look out, motherfuckers,
I'm pulling out my privilege.
426
00:24:13,805 --> 00:24:15,804
Josie.
Josie!
427
00:24:15,805 --> 00:24:18,604
Oh, fuck me gently.
428
00:24:18,605 --> 00:24:20,324
What are you doing here?
429
00:24:20,325 --> 00:24:23,544
Well, we can leave. The coach
only takes nine hours
430
00:24:23,619 --> 00:24:25,138
and I love crouching in that bog.
431
00:24:25,197 --> 00:24:27,676
You could've bought a ticket.
No, no, no, don't go, stay.
432
00:24:27,677 --> 00:24:30,196
It's amazing you came all this way.
We were worried.
433
00:24:30,197 --> 00:24:31,396
We've come to save you.
434
00:24:31,397 --> 00:24:33,216
Would you kindly announce
to your housemates
435
00:24:33,308 --> 00:24:37,308
that a man with a Coutts gold card
is in the house.
436
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,679
So, green. Interesting.
Just like, "Yeah, I'm green.
437
00:24:44,698 --> 00:24:46,577
"What's the problem?
Bang, bang, bang.
438
00:24:46,578 --> 00:24:48,297
"You find the mattress,
I'll bring the lube."
439
00:24:48,304 --> 00:24:50,223
Well, better than amber.
440
00:24:50,224 --> 00:24:52,503
I mean, amber's like
a text slanty face.
441
00:24:52,504 --> 00:24:55,663
Vague, ambiguous, annoying.
It's mysterious.
442
00:24:55,664 --> 00:24:59,063
Am I safe to drive through, or is there
a chance you'll be smashed to death?
443
00:24:59,064 --> 00:25:01,103
So are you amber because of Heather?
444
00:25:01,104 --> 00:25:03,223
What? No, no, that is over.
445
00:25:03,224 --> 00:25:05,983
Yeah, that's totally over. So...
446
00:25:05,984 --> 00:25:09,423
So, now you're young, free
and amber,
447
00:25:09,424 --> 00:25:11,783
I can jump on in whenever
I feel like it.
448
00:25:11,784 --> 00:25:15,143
No, no, not at all.
It'd be nice just to be friends.
449
00:25:15,144 --> 00:25:18,143
OK, friends, yes.
I've heard of this.
450
00:25:18,144 --> 00:25:20,983
It's when people have coffee
and lend each other books
451
00:25:20,984 --> 00:25:24,984
without taking all their clothes off.
Yeah.
452
00:25:29,024 --> 00:25:30,063
Red?
453
00:25:30,064 --> 00:25:33,063
Yeah... mate. I've seen it
a million times before.
454
00:25:33,064 --> 00:25:36,383
Green's way too eager. Amber's
obviously for wankers.
455
00:25:36,384 --> 00:25:39,623
Meanwhile, the sexy,
unattainable reds,
456
00:25:39,624 --> 00:25:43,624
they're all in the bathroom
fucking each other.
457
00:25:45,664 --> 00:25:49,664
Do I have to be green?
Yeah, you do.
458
00:25:51,784 --> 00:25:55,183
I don't think I like it.
459
00:25:55,184 --> 00:25:57,583
Well, of course you don't
like it.
460
00:25:57,584 --> 00:26:00,983
First time, you're gonna be
nauseous and shaky, right?
461
00:26:00,984 --> 00:26:02,623
In fact, you're gonna
be so anxious,
462
00:26:02,624 --> 00:26:05,343
you'll be desperate for something
to take the edge off.
463
00:26:05,344 --> 00:26:07,863
And that's when your old friend
coke comes in.
464
00:26:07,864 --> 00:26:10,703
I'm not sure I'm really any good
at doing drugs.
465
00:26:10,704 --> 00:26:13,863
Oh, coke is not a drug!
It's not?
466
00:26:13,864 --> 00:26:17,623
It's a facilitator for consuming
other substances.
467
00:26:17,624 --> 00:26:21,583
Right? Think of coke as...
your mate,
468
00:26:21,584 --> 00:26:24,943
poking you awake with a pointy stick
at four in the morning,
469
00:26:24,944 --> 00:26:28,584
reminding you to pour more and more
dirt into your system.
470
00:26:41,344 --> 00:26:45,344
This isn't working. I think I'm
sending out the wrong signals.
471
00:26:45,544 --> 00:26:49,343
Correct, you are literally
sending out the wrong signal.
472
00:26:49,344 --> 00:26:53,344
Fuck it, I'm ambering.
473
00:27:10,504 --> 00:27:14,103
Oh, that's a hard kiss.
That can go through plasterboard.
474
00:27:14,104 --> 00:27:18,104
Oh, I'm so proud!
475
00:27:24,264 --> 00:27:28,023
Oh, yeah, I am... red.
Sorry about that.
476
00:27:28,024 --> 00:27:29,423
No dice.
477
00:27:29,424 --> 00:27:31,103
I'm just standing here,
478
00:27:31,104 --> 00:27:33,783
watching the wheels go round
and round,
479
00:27:33,784 --> 00:27:37,784
watching the monkeys
do the love-love dance.
480
00:27:39,464 --> 00:27:42,783
OK. Much like taking part
in a date.
481
00:27:42,784 --> 00:27:45,183
Yeah, dating, so...
482
00:27:45,184 --> 00:27:49,184
Red... them's the brakes.
Sorry, babe.
483
00:28:01,304 --> 00:28:04,183
Candice is in a bad way
in the bathroom.
484
00:28:04,184 --> 00:28:07,143
She's been sick - both ends.
Oh!
485
00:28:07,144 --> 00:28:11,144
Right, shit!
Although maybe you could...
486
00:28:12,384 --> 00:28:16,384
Sorry. Last night together.
487
00:28:17,184 --> 00:28:21,184
Do you want to check on Candice together?
I mean, it might be kind of trippy...
488
00:28:21,464 --> 00:28:22,983
in some ways.
489
00:28:22,984 --> 00:28:26,984
Er... I'm cool.
490
00:28:28,984 --> 00:28:31,663
There must be somebody
that wants to get off with me.
491
00:28:31,664 --> 00:28:34,103
I've skied a black run
with a dude
492
00:28:34,104 --> 00:28:38,104
that has got a photograph of Princess
Eugenie's fucking medicine cabinet.
493
00:28:43,984 --> 00:28:45,383
Ladies?
494
00:28:45,384 --> 00:28:49,384
Who wants to see a box
of Fergie's Tampax?
495
00:29:12,544 --> 00:29:13,703
Vod.
496
00:29:13,704 --> 00:29:14,743
Oh!
497
00:29:14,744 --> 00:29:16,983
What do you want?
498
00:29:16,984 --> 00:29:18,663
Are they doing it?
499
00:29:18,664 --> 00:29:19,983
What?
500
00:29:19,984 --> 00:29:22,743
Josie and Kingsley.
501
00:29:22,744 --> 00:29:26,104
Do you think they're doing it?
502
00:29:32,224 --> 00:29:34,823
Yeah, I think they're doing it.
503
00:29:34,824 --> 00:29:36,583
Oh, God.
504
00:29:36,584 --> 00:29:39,183
Under the covers in the dark.
505
00:29:39,184 --> 00:29:42,103
It's like Taliban porn.
506
00:29:42,104 --> 00:29:43,663
Do you really think...
507
00:29:43,664 --> 00:29:46,583
Definitely doing it. They've been
doing it for about five minutes.
508
00:29:46,584 --> 00:29:48,383
And you've been listening?
509
00:29:48,384 --> 00:29:50,143
I haven't been listening.
510
00:29:50,144 --> 00:29:51,423
I heard.
511
00:29:51,424 --> 00:29:53,583
There's a very important
difference.
512
00:29:53,584 --> 00:29:55,623
Yes, but you have been
timing them.
513
00:29:55,624 --> 00:29:57,464
I looked at my watch,
it's not the same.
514
00:29:58,824 --> 00:30:01,983
Oh, God.
515
00:30:01,984 --> 00:30:05,984
Do you think Oregon knows?
516
00:30:06,944 --> 00:30:10,023
I think we should tell her.
If it was me, I'd wan to be told.
517
00:30:10,024 --> 00:30:12,783
What she doesn't know
won't hurt her.
518
00:30:12,784 --> 00:30:16,784
Unless... what about if someone
slipped inside her?
519
00:30:18,224 --> 00:30:22,224
That's very unlikely to happen.
520
00:30:24,384 --> 00:30:25,983
Oregon.
521
00:30:25,984 --> 00:30:28,543
Oregon. What?
522
00:30:28,544 --> 00:30:30,943
We just wanted to let you know
523
00:30:30,944 --> 00:30:34,903
that we think Josie
and Kingsley
524
00:30:34,904 --> 00:30:37,383
are having sex next to you.
525
00:30:37,384 --> 00:30:40,623
What?
526
00:30:40,624 --> 00:30:42,303
Are you two humping?!
527
00:30:42,304 --> 00:30:44,983
What? Hello? How can you ask that?
528
00:30:44,984 --> 00:30:46,263
That's disgusting.
529
00:30:46,264 --> 00:30:48,103
Josie, truth.
530
00:30:48,104 --> 00:30:49,743
We definitely weren't doing it.
531
00:30:49,744 --> 00:30:52,583
But if we were doing it...
532
00:30:52,584 --> 00:30:54,063
we were doing it...
533
00:30:54,064 --> 00:30:57,863
incredibly quietly. Oh, my God!
You're still doing it!
534
00:30:57,864 --> 00:30:59,063
No. I can't believe it!
535
00:30:59,064 --> 00:31:02,103
I'm... I'm having an involuntary
threesome.
536
00:31:02,104 --> 00:31:04,223
Right, that's it, I'm having
a wank.
537
00:31:04,224 --> 00:31:06,943
We're not having a threesome.
If he's wanking, I'm wanking.
538
00:31:06,944 --> 00:31:08,863
Right, everybody stop wanking.
539
00:31:08,864 --> 00:31:12,343
Who are you - the wank police?
Howard, go and sleep in the bath.
540
00:31:12,344 --> 00:31:13,943
Let's have an orgy.
541
00:31:13,944 --> 00:31:15,583
I'm sorry... Excuse me?
542
00:31:15,584 --> 00:31:17,223
Come on, you know you all want to.
543
00:31:17,224 --> 00:31:19,183
That's what all of this
has been about.
544
00:31:19,184 --> 00:31:20,263
All what?
545
00:31:20,264 --> 00:31:21,583
Us, living together.
546
00:31:21,584 --> 00:31:23,303
It's all been leading to this.
547
00:31:23,304 --> 00:31:25,983
You want to fuck all of us,
JP? Apart from me.
548
00:31:25,984 --> 00:31:28,703
Let's just throw ourselves in a sex
pie and see what comes out.
549
00:31:28,704 --> 00:31:31,143
I do not wish to be in a sex pie
with you, Jonathan.
550
00:31:31,144 --> 00:31:34,023
I am just facing reality here.
551
00:31:34,024 --> 00:31:36,543
I'm not the one that introduced sex
into the situation.
552
00:31:36,544 --> 00:31:39,663
Either we pretend that it's not
happening or we all get involved.
553
00:31:39,664 --> 00:31:41,103
That's the Blitz spirit.
554
00:31:41,104 --> 00:31:42,743
What happen?
555
00:31:42,744 --> 00:31:44,823
We might be having an orgy.
I'll keep you posted.
556
00:31:44,824 --> 00:31:46,903
I don't want an orgy. Why do I have
to have an orgy?
557
00:31:46,904 --> 00:31:49,223
Ssh! I'm out. You were never in.
I'm out too.
558
00:31:49,224 --> 00:31:52,503
No way!
Come on! Guys!
559
00:31:52,504 --> 00:31:56,504
Update - we're not having
an orgy. Oh, God!
560
00:31:58,624 --> 00:32:02,303
You people disgust me!
561
00:32:02,304 --> 00:32:06,304
Oh!
562
00:32:08,424 --> 00:32:11,583
It's really great you two are
back together, by the way.
563
00:32:11,584 --> 00:32:15,584
Oh, cheers.
Thanks, guys.
564
00:32:16,184 --> 00:32:20,184
We've stopped, by the way.
565
00:32:26,624 --> 00:32:29,543
Is Candice still vomming?
566
00:32:29,544 --> 00:32:32,383
Yeah. But she's on the dry
heaves now.
567
00:32:32,384 --> 00:32:33,983
Bit of a fuss about nothing.
568
00:32:33,984 --> 00:32:36,023
Can you pass me the brown
sauce?
569
00:32:36,024 --> 00:32:38,623
What, so you can use it as lube
while you try to fuck us all?
570
00:32:38,624 --> 00:32:40,543
Don't take it so personally.
571
00:32:40,544 --> 00:32:42,663
I didn't want to have sex
with you specifically,
572
00:32:42,664 --> 00:32:44,383
I just wanted to have sex
generally.
573
00:32:44,384 --> 00:32:47,223
It's like when you fancy
a game of five-a-side,
574
00:32:47,224 --> 00:32:49,463
then you call round
to see who's available.
575
00:32:49,464 --> 00:32:51,503
And after, you fuck each other
in the shower?
576
00:32:51,504 --> 00:32:54,943
Look, I'm having an existential
fucking crisis here.
577
00:32:54,944 --> 00:32:57,943
The self-declared Pig Man of
Arbroath is getting more
578
00:32:57,944 --> 00:32:59,503
coochie than I am.
579
00:32:59,504 --> 00:33:03,504
You're lucky I'm not trying
to nail you all onto the tables right here.
580
00:33:09,704 --> 00:33:12,543
So I'm really glad we came.
581
00:33:12,544 --> 00:33:15,423
Yeah, me too. And there's something
I wanted to tell you.
582
00:33:15,424 --> 00:33:17,703
I'm thinking about shaving off
my soul patch.
583
00:33:17,704 --> 00:33:20,423
Oh, God, please do, it'd be
so fucking good if you did!
584
00:33:20,424 --> 00:33:22,143
It's not definite, but...
585
00:33:22,144 --> 00:33:24,743
you know...
the thing is...
586
00:33:24,744 --> 00:33:27,623
you know when you make a playlist
of all your best stuff
587
00:33:27,624 --> 00:33:30,463
then you realise the song you like
most is not even on the playlist
588
00:33:30,464 --> 00:33:33,663
because you like it so much you're
scared of overplaying it?
589
00:33:33,664 --> 00:33:36,463
I've said too much, haven't I?
I'm embarrassing myself.
590
00:33:36,464 --> 00:33:39,663
Um... no. What I'm trying to say is,
I know
591
00:33:39,664 --> 00:33:43,664
I kind of fucked it up the first
time and it's kind of...
592
00:33:43,904 --> 00:33:46,823
It feels old-fashioned, but...
593
00:33:46,824 --> 00:33:48,663
..will you go out with me?
No.
594
00:33:48,664 --> 00:33:50,823
That's fine. Of course.
595
00:33:50,824 --> 00:33:52,063
I understand.
596
00:33:52,064 --> 00:33:56,064
But I am willing to make an exclusive
commitment to a series of rolling dates.
597
00:33:56,624 --> 00:33:58,303
Oh... OK.
598
00:33:58,304 --> 00:34:02,304
Rolling dates? Well, that works.
599
00:34:41,864 --> 00:34:45,864
No puedo creer que mi vuelo de
regreso sea ya, es demasiado pronto.
600
00:34:46,464 --> 00:34:50,463
He says he can't believe he has to
go back today, it's too soon.
601
00:34:50,464 --> 00:34:53,143
Yeah, too soon,
much too soon - tragic.
602
00:34:53,144 --> 00:34:56,143
Ella dice que
es demasiado pronto.
603
00:34:56,144 --> 00:34:58,023
Mucho antes de tiempo.
604
00:34:58,024 --> 00:34:59,863
Es terrible. Tragico.
605
00:34:59,864 --> 00:35:03,423
Si lo quiere ella, entonces me puedo
olvidar del vuelo, y me quedo, eh?
606
00:35:03,424 --> 00:35:06,343
He says, if you want, he can forget
the flight and stay.
607
00:35:06,344 --> 00:35:08,783
Oh, yeah? Great.
608
00:35:08,784 --> 00:35:11,863
Ella dice, "Ah, si?
Suena muy bien!"
609
00:35:11,864 --> 00:35:15,543
But it's impossible.
610
00:35:15,544 --> 00:35:16,863
He's ripped up his ticket.
611
00:35:16,864 --> 00:35:20,343
Yeah, I can see that,
I don't need that translating.
612
00:35:20,344 --> 00:35:23,343
Te quiero.
613
00:35:23,344 --> 00:35:25,543
Yeah. Me too, mate.
614
00:35:25,544 --> 00:35:29,544
Totally.
615
00:35:46,104 --> 00:35:48,383
The big date.
616
00:35:48,384 --> 00:35:49,623
Hmm.
617
00:35:49,624 --> 00:35:51,223
Playing it cool.
618
00:35:51,224 --> 00:35:55,103
I'm trying not to open my mouth
in case the adrenaline makes me vomit.
619
00:35:55,104 --> 00:35:57,743
Are you preening on an iPad
chat?
620
00:35:57,744 --> 00:35:59,143
Heather's back.
621
00:35:59,144 --> 00:36:01,263
Just gonna ensure
the break's clean.
622
00:36:01,264 --> 00:36:05,183
Avoid the awkward "bumping into each
other at the union" moment.
623
00:36:05,184 --> 00:36:07,823
Bottle of wine, fish pie
and a cry.
624
00:36:07,824 --> 00:36:11,183
So much more mature than the turd
through the letter box and hate texts.
625
00:36:11,184 --> 00:36:15,184
Pakow!
626
00:36:28,064 --> 00:36:32,064
Hey, Kingsley, you big
fucking freak!
627
00:36:41,184 --> 00:36:45,023
So... weird summer, huh?
628
00:36:45,024 --> 00:36:46,663
Fucking weird summer.
629
00:36:46,664 --> 00:36:50,664
I mean, when I got the scab, the
laminated scab, I did think....
630
00:36:50,824 --> 00:36:52,983
maybe that meant...
Oh, yeah.
631
00:36:52,984 --> 00:36:55,663
That was the last fun thing
I did.
632
00:36:55,664 --> 00:36:58,943
And, you know... everything
with my grump-pops.
633
00:36:58,944 --> 00:37:02,943
Grump-pops?
Grump-pops?
634
00:37:02,944 --> 00:37:05,503
My grandad. We were all...
635
00:37:05,504 --> 00:37:07,943
in and out of the hospital,
and...
636
00:37:07,944 --> 00:37:10,463
Is that why the e-mails
went dark?
637
00:37:10,464 --> 00:37:12,463
Yeah. I'm sorry.
638
00:37:12,464 --> 00:37:15,343
I've been so up and down.
It's like...
639
00:37:15,344 --> 00:37:17,583
everything is so...
640
00:37:17,584 --> 00:37:20,343
really intense and funny.
641
00:37:20,344 --> 00:37:23,383
You know, when in a tragedy
it's still funny?
642
00:37:23,384 --> 00:37:25,983
But then, other times...
643
00:37:25,984 --> 00:37:29,984
I just get so low.
644
00:37:30,824 --> 00:37:33,823
Grump-pops.
Poor Grump-pops.
645
00:37:33,824 --> 00:37:35,383
It'll be OK, won't it?
646
00:37:35,384 --> 00:37:37,423
It'll be OK.
647
00:37:37,424 --> 00:37:41,343
I mean, it won't be,
he's definitely going to die.
648
00:37:41,344 --> 00:37:44,183
But I'll be OK, won't I?
649
00:37:44,184 --> 00:37:48,103
We'll be OK?
Yeah.
650
00:37:48,104 --> 00:37:52,104
We'll be OK. Totally.
651
00:37:54,509 --> 00:37:56,629
Totally.
652
00:39:15,048 --> 00:39:45,170
653
00:39:45,220 --> 00:39:49,770
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