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1
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...into a big airy bedroom.
2
00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:59,655
Then the sideboard turns around
and turns into the bathroom.
3
00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:01,810
- So you can eat and bathe?
- Course not.
4
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:06,052
- Then what's it doing in the bathroom?
- Nothing. It turns into a bathroom.
5
00:01:06,140 --> 00:01:08,608
Then another time it turns into a kitchenette.
6
00:01:08,700 --> 00:01:11,134
Another time into a fireplace.
7
00:01:11,220 --> 00:01:13,415
You can't light it but it looks awful cute.
8
00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:16,412
- What turns into a fireplace?
- This gig in the corner.
9
00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:19,298
It turns around and makes one room
into four rooms
10
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:23,055
so young people who haven't much money
can have a four-room apartment
11
00:01:23,140 --> 00:01:25,210
for the price of a one-room apartment.
12
00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:28,019
- One room isn't an apartment.
- They're called that.
13
00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:30,489
- It's the same as four rooms.
- But suppose I...
14
00:01:30,580 --> 00:01:34,175
- You turn this in the corner...
- Suppose I wanted to go to the fireplace
15
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,012
while you were in the kitchenette.
16
00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:38,330
You're trying to make things difficult.
17
00:01:38,420 --> 00:01:41,856
Nothing's good enough for you
except a palace on Fifth Avenue.
18
00:01:41,940 --> 00:01:44,977
I give you coffee -
the end of the perfect dinner,
19
00:01:45,060 --> 00:01:47,494
the beginning of the perfect day.
20
00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:02,578
And now, the moment
we have all been waiting for.
21
00:02:02,660 --> 00:02:04,855
We are about to give you the result
22
00:02:04,940 --> 00:02:08,216
of the $50,000
Maxford House New Slogan contest,
23
00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:11,178
with a first prize of $25,000,
24
00:02:11,260 --> 00:02:13,171
a second prize of $5,000,
25
00:02:13,260 --> 00:02:15,854
a third prize of $2,500,
26
00:02:15,940 --> 00:02:18,534
a fourth prize of $1,500,
27
00:02:18,620 --> 00:02:20,770
a fifth prize of $1,000,
28
00:02:20,860 --> 00:02:25,138
and 95 other prizes totaling $15,000.
29
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:28,098
Some folks are going to be deliriousin a few minutes.
30
00:02:28,180 --> 00:02:30,455
As you may well imagine,
31
00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:32,929
all that sugar draws a lot of flies
32
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:36,376
and the jury here has been struggling
to pick the winners
33
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:43,172
from a little snowdrift of 2,947,582 answers.
34
00:02:43,260 --> 00:02:47,731
That is a lot of answers in any language,
including the Scandinavian.
35
00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:53,695
Dr. Maxford, our founder and president,
is at my side.
36
00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:01,900
It will only be a matter of a few moments
37
00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:05,893
until the jury ceases wrestling
and hands Dr. Maxford the verdict,
38
00:03:05,980 --> 00:03:09,495
and he will himself,
in that well-known voice of his,
39
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,571
read you the names of the winners.
40
00:03:12,980 --> 00:03:16,609
We seem to have a little contretemps,
41
00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:19,294
fox pass or what have you,
ladies and gentlemen.
42
00:03:19,380 --> 00:03:20,972
But it will only be...
43
00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:23,415
- What's the matter?
- The jury is deadlocked!
44
00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:25,855
- Deadlocked?
- Eleven to one!
45
00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:29,535
It will only be a few moments
before the jury untangles itself,
46
00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:33,374
and we will hear the happy winners' names
throughout the world.
47
00:03:40,900 --> 00:03:44,449
Ahem. Just a little patience,
ladies and gentlemen.
48
00:03:53,660 --> 00:03:56,857
- Can't you get it through...
- What's this about a deadlock?
49
00:03:56,940 --> 00:03:59,215
- Where's the verdict?
- Ask Bildocker.
50
00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:02,975
And you'll get an answer, too.
If you birds had the brains of a rooster...
51
00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:07,815
I resent that. You may know about shipping
but when eleven of us have agreed...
52
00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:11,256
- It'll be ten o'clock next week...
- Quiet!
53
00:04:11,340 --> 00:04:15,174
...before I give in to bunch of fat-headed,
mealy-mouthed lame brains who...
54
00:04:15,260 --> 00:04:19,139
Quiet! Jumping Jehoshaphat!
55
00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:21,575
Do you realize that we're on the air?
56
00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:24,379
The whole of America's
waiting for your verdict!
57
00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:27,770
120 million people
are suspended from your lips.
58
00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:30,852
You're giving heart failure
to the western hemisphere.
59
00:04:30,940 --> 00:04:33,613
What do you know about
picking slogans anyway?
60
00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:36,851
You wouldn't know a slogan
if you slipped on one.
61
00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:40,091
If you gentlemen had the combined brains
of an amoeba...
62
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,330
But we're all agreed, Dr. Maxford.
63
00:04:42,420 --> 00:04:44,376
It's only Bildocker who's holding out.
64
00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:50,012
Oh, it is, is it? Well, let me
tell you something, Mr. Bildocker.
65
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:53,570
You've been getting into my hair
for the past 20 years,
66
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,776
and I meant to mention it before.
67
00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:58,249
I'm going to give you four seconds...
68
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,012
No, you're not, Dr. Maxford.
69
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,490
I'm a member of this jury and I'm going
to vote the way I think is right
70
00:05:03,580 --> 00:05:04,729
if it takes ten years.
71
00:05:04,820 --> 00:05:06,856
You can fire me out of shipping
72
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:11,377
but you aren't going to fire me off this jury
because I don't work for you on this jury.
73
00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:14,213
I'm giving my services free to the bunch of...
74
00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:16,860
Who said anything about firing you,
you lunkhead?
75
00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:19,693
All I said was that I...
76
00:05:22,420 --> 00:05:25,935
Yes? Oh, we are, are we?
77
00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:29,334
Well, that's just lovely.
78
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:33,731
We're going off the air, gentlemen,
so just take your time.
79
00:05:33,820 --> 00:05:36,015
You can stay here till next Wednesday.
80
00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:39,012
Or you can still here
till Hoboken freezes over.
81
00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:41,898
We have failed in our promise to the public.
82
00:05:41,980 --> 00:05:45,939
We have muffed the most dramatic
advertising moment in commerce,
83
00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:48,329
and you've made a fathead out of me.
84
00:05:48,420 --> 00:05:52,459
The next nitwit who talks to me
about a contest
85
00:05:52,540 --> 00:05:55,054
had better duck before I swing on him.
86
00:05:58,860 --> 00:06:02,614
In conclusion, gentlemen,
especially you, Mr. Bildocker,
87
00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:07,899
let me say that I have seen
far better heads on... umbrellas!
88
00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:13,056
And so,
another broadcast slips into posterity,
89
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:17,930
as we bring to a close
the 449th Maxford House programme.
90
00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:20,932
I wish I could have given you
the news you wanted to hear.
91
00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:23,978
But I will conclude with
what the prisoner said
92
00:06:24,060 --> 00:06:26,096
when the hangman couldn't find the rope.
93
00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:29,809
"No noose is good noose. " Ha, ha.
94
00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:33,051
This is Don Hartman,
wishing you all goodnight.
95
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:41,175
They build you up to a big finish
and leave you hanging on a meat hook.
96
00:06:41,260 --> 00:06:43,820
You heard what he said.
No news is good news.
97
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:46,494
- He said, "No noose is good noose. "
- So?
98
00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:49,890
Oh, it doesn't matter.
I wish they'd get it over with.
99
00:06:49,980 --> 00:06:54,132
You start thinking about that $25,000,
or even the $5,000...
100
00:06:54,220 --> 00:06:55,892
- Or anything.
- You said it.
101
00:06:55,980 --> 00:07:00,178
When you've got it right in your mitts,
they leave you with your tongue hanging out.
102
00:07:00,260 --> 00:07:02,216
There ought to be a law against it.
103
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:06,134
- Did you really think you'd win it?
- I haven't lost it yet.
104
00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:08,450
- How many have you lost?
- I don't know.
105
00:07:08,540 --> 00:07:12,419
But every time I've lost a contest,
I've doubled my chances on the next one.
106
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:16,891
It's the law of averages. Like when I lost the
How Many Peanuts In The Window contest.
107
00:07:16,980 --> 00:07:20,256
- That doubled my chances...
- They put boxes under the peanuts.
108
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:23,491
They didn't ask how many boxes
under the peanuts. They said...
109
00:07:23,580 --> 00:07:26,094
- "How many peanuts are in the window?"
- So I lost.
110
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:29,695
That doubled my chances on the
You Fill In The Missing Words contest.
111
00:07:29,780 --> 00:07:31,771
- But you lost that one too.
- Fine.
112
00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:35,614
- I was eight to one in the limerick contest.
- But you didn't win it, Jimmy!
113
00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:37,656
That's what makes it a cinch this time.
114
00:07:37,740 --> 00:07:39,651
Can't you see it over there in lights?
115
00:07:39,740 --> 00:07:41,970
The guy swallows his coffee, and it says,
116
00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:46,178
"If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
117
00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:49,138
- That's some slogan.
- Mm-hm.
118
00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:51,893
Do you get the point?
Do you understand what it means?
119
00:07:51,980 --> 00:07:53,891
- Yes...
- What do you mean, yes?
120
00:07:53,980 --> 00:07:57,814
It's clear as crystal.
"It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
121
00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:03,656
If you don't sleep at night, it isn't the coffee
that keeps you awake, it's the bunk.
122
00:08:03,740 --> 00:08:07,813
- The bunk when you don't sleep!
- I know! I've heard it a thousand times!
123
00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:10,733
- I just don't understand it.
- Maybe you don't try to.
124
00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:14,529
- Maybe I don't.
- A kid of two could understand that.
125
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:18,693
This Viennese doctor says
that whole idea's just a superstition,
126
00:08:18,780 --> 00:08:21,897
that instead of keeping you awake,
coffee makes you sleep.
127
00:08:21,980 --> 00:08:25,609
- It's simple. Coffee makes you sleep.
- It doesn't make me sleep.
128
00:08:25,700 --> 00:08:28,817
- He's a Viennese doctor!
- Coffee keeps you awake!
129
00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:33,052
Why are you so pig-headed about it?
I'm not trying to contradict you...
130
00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:36,576
It's the new scientific theory.
It's the basis of my slogan.
131
00:08:36,660 --> 00:08:40,414
People who think coffee keeps them awake
are nervous wrecks anyway
132
00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:42,058
so why blame it on the coffee?
133
00:08:42,140 --> 00:08:46,930
So I say, "If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
134
00:08:47,020 --> 00:08:49,056
- Do you get it?
- I guess so.
135
00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:53,895
- You guess so. What does it mean?
- It's the bunk.
136
00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:57,495
- Yes, but do you get the play on words?
- You don't need a play on words.
137
00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:01,698
Any time anybody says
coffee makes you sleep, it's bunk.
138
00:09:01,780 --> 00:09:05,170
Don't you understand? It's funny.
People are going to laugh.
139
00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:09,014
It means it isn't the coffee
that keeps you awake, it's the bed.
140
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:11,739
- With me it's the coffee.
- Oh...
141
00:09:11,820 --> 00:09:15,051
I want you to win it.
I'm just as anxious as you are.
142
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:19,213
And when you lose this one, think how much
better your chances will be on the next.
143
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:24,169
Fine chance I've got of winning anything
if everybody says coffee keeps you awake.
144
00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:27,775
Let's drink a gallon of coffee
and see who sleeps the longest.
145
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:30,010
- Oh, shut up.
- Jimmy!
146
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:32,455
Jimmy!
147
00:09:35,260 --> 00:09:36,613
Yes, ma'am.
148
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:38,895
Mr. Zimmerman says
will you not talk so loud?
149
00:09:38,980 --> 00:09:42,689
- He's trying to go to sleep.
- Tell him to drink a cup of coffee.
150
00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:45,578
And don't take cold up there.
Is Betty warm enough?
151
00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:49,369
- Yes, thank you, Mrs. MacDonald.
- All right, dear.
152
00:09:52,460 --> 00:09:55,532
I'd like you just as much
if you didn't win the old contest.
153
00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:57,929
- That's because you're a sap.
- Maybe I am.
154
00:09:58,020 --> 00:10:01,376
But if I am I'm glad of it.
You know how we feel about each other.
155
00:10:01,460 --> 00:10:03,610
- Nix.
- It's true, isn't it?
156
00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:06,692
- You can't say I'm being forward.
- Not much.
157
00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:11,739
I'm not. Time is slipping by
and we're not getting any younger.
158
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,412
Nix.
159
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,331
Two can live as cheaply as one.
160
00:10:15,420 --> 00:10:18,218
Who wants to live cheaply?
Cut it out, will you?
161
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,532
What would you do if you won the $25,000?
162
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:25,531
Stick it in the bank.
163
00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:28,214
Wouldn't you even buy a little ring
or something?
164
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:30,973
- I don't like rings on a man.
- Oh, you.
165
00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:35,372
What's the use of talking about it?
You know I'd spend it on you and mum.
166
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:38,179
I'd get you a new shiny car
and a swell apartment.
167
00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:42,572
Maybe one of those little dream houses
in the suburbs, some hired help.
168
00:10:42,660 --> 00:10:46,778
Maybe a trip to Europe. Maybe the Grand
Canyon would be better nowadays.
169
00:10:46,860 --> 00:10:49,613
- We'd be happy all right.
- We could be happy anyway.
170
00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:52,498
Everything that means happiness
costs money.
171
00:10:52,580 --> 00:10:55,378
How much was your dad making
when he married your mom?
172
00:10:55,460 --> 00:10:57,371
- 18 bucks a week.
- Well?
173
00:10:57,460 --> 00:10:59,815
You think that proves something?
174
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,539
She's never been to the country
for more than a day.
175
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,497
Never had any nice furniture.
176
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:09,415
The dream of her life is a Davenport that
turns into a double bed at night-time.
177
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:12,890
She's never had a nice dress
except those she made herself.
178
00:11:12,980 --> 00:11:16,370
I wore the old man's stuff cut down
until I got my first job
179
00:11:16,460 --> 00:11:20,453
and he was worn out at 48 and croaked
because he couldn't afford a doctor.
180
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:22,496
Where do you get that $18 a week stuff?
181
00:11:22,580 --> 00:11:25,219
I earn $18 and you earn $22 and that's $40.
182
00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:28,576
Sure and you've got your ma
and I've got mine.
183
00:11:28,660 --> 00:11:32,653
You get a kid and you have to stop work
and we're right back at the $22 again.
184
00:11:32,740 --> 00:11:36,449
Except then there's you and the kid
and the two old ladies and me.
185
00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:38,451
- But Jimmy...
- Nix, honey.
186
00:11:38,540 --> 00:11:41,008
They didn't give you
wrists and hands like that
187
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,898
to spoil in a washtub for a poor sap like me.
188
00:11:43,980 --> 00:11:46,619
- But Jimmy...
- You gotta look out for yourself.
189
00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:50,488
You gotta see the main chance and grab it,
the chance of plenty of money.
190
00:11:50,580 --> 00:11:54,016
Men look out for themselves.
They think about nothing but money.
191
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:59,094
A girl's got to do the same instead of
fooling away her time on a guy like me.
192
00:11:59,180 --> 00:12:02,411
- Unless he crashes through.
- You make me tired.
193
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,934
- Then go to bed.
- That's a nice thing to say.
194
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:06,692
Invite a girl over and yell at her.
195
00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:10,455
If I wanted to be insulted, I could have gone
out with the credit manager.
196
00:12:10,540 --> 00:12:13,293
- Who's stopping you?
- Thank you, Mr. MacDonald.
197
00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:16,372
- It's nice to know where you stand.
- I'm sorry.
198
00:12:16,460 --> 00:12:20,738
Maybe I will go out with the credit manager.
Good night.
199
00:12:24,220 --> 00:12:27,178
- Wait and I'll help you.
- I don't need any help.
200
00:12:33,660 --> 00:12:35,651
Here.
201
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:43,376
- Kindly let go of my arm.
- Why don't you watch your step?
202
00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:46,133
- Why don't you mind your own business?
- Oh, shut up.
203
00:12:46,220 --> 00:12:49,451
- Why don't you shut up?
- Why don't you both shut up?
204
00:12:50,340 --> 00:12:52,774
See?
205
00:13:09,420 --> 00:13:11,729
They got up there a horse yet?
206
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:14,653
- Wait for your laugh.
- Wise guy.
207
00:13:21,740 --> 00:13:24,493
- Bread and butter.
- Bread and butter.
208
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,658
- Don't fall down the ladder.
- I've been down it before.
209
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:48,049
You fell down it before too.
210
00:13:48,140 --> 00:13:50,495
- Good night.
- Good night.
211
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:54,368
- See you at the office.
- Aren't you going to take me?
212
00:13:54,460 --> 00:13:56,928
All right.
213
00:13:57,020 --> 00:13:59,773
- Good night, Jimmy.
- Good night.
214
00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:01,976
- Good night.
- Good night.
215
00:14:03,220 --> 00:14:05,654
Night.
216
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:09,855
- Good night, honey.
- Good night, darling.
217
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:19,775
- Good night.
- Good night.
218
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,896
Good night!
219
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:26,810
- I tell you, it makes you sleep.
- OK, it makes you sleep.
220
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:30,210
And water runs uphill
and dogs miaow and cats bark
221
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:35,135
and water's red-hot in the winter
and freezes over in the summer.
222
00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:37,688
You're a dreamer. Just like your father.
223
00:14:37,780 --> 00:14:39,611
With him it was always automobiles
224
00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:41,850
where the wind, it scooped it up in the front
225
00:14:41,940 --> 00:14:44,500
and pushed out the back to make it go,
or some such.
226
00:14:44,580 --> 00:14:46,650
There's no wind blowing out of my ideas.
227
00:14:46,740 --> 00:14:50,528
- Pretty windy. Have you got car fare?
- Think so.
228
00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:53,571
Yeah.
229
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:57,938
Make a wish.
What falls to the floor comes to the door.
230
00:14:58,020 --> 00:15:00,488
- All right.
- There's nothing to laugh about.
231
00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:03,617
I mind the time your father,
may his soul be peaceful,
232
00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:05,338
dropped a quarter down a crack,
233
00:15:05,420 --> 00:15:09,333
and it wasn't an hour till a near-sighted man
gave him a five-dollar gold piece
234
00:15:09,420 --> 00:15:11,456
instead of a nickel in paying his fare.
235
00:15:12,380 --> 00:15:15,452
- We went to Coney that night.
- What was wrong with Pa's eyes?
236
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,451
He was looking somewhere else.
237
00:15:17,540 --> 00:15:20,134
There was nothing the matter
with your father.
238
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,370
He was a fine-looking conductor.
239
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:24,530
- He was.
- You'd seem a shrimp beside him.
240
00:15:24,620 --> 00:15:27,009
- I would.
- Don't say anything against him.
241
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,216
I'm not saying anything against him, Mum.
242
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:31,814
Well, watch your step.
243
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:35,130
- Jimmy.
- Yes'm?
244
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:37,290
There's money in your cup.
245
00:15:58,420 --> 00:16:00,490
So the sucker says, "Is Mr. Fish there?"
246
00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:04,209
And the guy says, "Which one do you want?
This is the New York Aquarium. "
247
00:16:05,940 --> 00:16:09,296
The best one is, you say,
"This is the Edison Company.
248
00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:13,339
"Would you mind seeing if the street light's
burning in front of your house?"
249
00:16:13,420 --> 00:16:15,980
And when the poor mug says, "Yes, it is,"
250
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,096
you say, "Well, blow it out, will you?"
251
00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:23,415
Hello, is this
the Maxford House Coffee Company?
252
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:27,129
Could you tell me if the jury's reached
a verdict on the contest yet?
253
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:31,213
They haven't? Then there's
still a chance for everybody, huh?
254
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:33,291
Thanks just the same.
255
00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:39,170
I wonder what one of those suckers
would do if they ever did win.
256
00:16:39,260 --> 00:16:42,218
Well, it's very easy to find out.
257
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:45,929
All you need is a telegraph blank,
some scissors and some glue.
258
00:16:46,020 --> 00:16:49,569
- Cut it in strips, do it on the blank.
- Holy mackerel.
259
00:17:49,340 --> 00:17:51,649
Good afternoon, Miss Casey.
260
00:17:51,740 --> 00:17:53,651
Good morning, Mr. Waterbury.
261
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:12,054
Good morning, John.
262
00:18:45,620 --> 00:18:48,259
Jams. It's been doing that quite a lot lately.
263
00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:52,049
- The wonder is it works at all.
- Yes, sir.
264
00:18:52,140 --> 00:18:55,177
Come into my office a moment,
Mr. MacDonald.
265
00:18:56,140 --> 00:18:57,892
Yes, sir.
266
00:19:22,460 --> 00:19:25,258
I've been watching you for some time,
Mr. MacDonald.
267
00:19:25,340 --> 00:19:27,854
Yes, sir. It used to make me kind of nervous.
268
00:19:28,980 --> 00:19:30,891
- Not nervous any more?
- No, sir.
269
00:19:30,980 --> 00:19:33,494
- Are you a drinking man, then?
- Sir?
270
00:19:33,580 --> 00:19:37,129
This is part of your yesterday's work.
I believe your number is 112?
271
00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:38,619
Yes, sir.
272
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:41,737
The computing machine is almost foolproof,
Mr. MacDonald,
273
00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:46,735
yet you managed to miss your total by
a little matter of $11,000 on this one sheet.
274
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:49,015
To what do you attribute that?
275
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,773
I, er... I don't know, Mr. Waterbury.
276
00:19:51,860 --> 00:19:54,294
You know simple arithmetic, don't you?
277
00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:59,329
You know the difference between addition,
subtraction and possibly multiplication?
278
00:19:59,420 --> 00:20:02,059
Yes, sir. I'm pretty good at it.
279
00:20:02,140 --> 00:20:06,179
Have you troubles at home? You
henpecked? Suffering from a broken heart?
280
00:20:06,260 --> 00:20:08,728
Had your teeth examined lately?
281
00:20:08,820 --> 00:20:12,210
Or are you purely and simply
incapable of doing your work?
282
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:15,849
Well, I... I guess it's the contest,
Mr. Waterbury,
283
00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:17,578
the Maxford House contest.
284
00:20:17,660 --> 00:20:19,855
I had no idea it was hurting my work.
285
00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:23,819
- How much is the prize?
- The first prize is $25,000.
286
00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:25,652
Yes.
287
00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:30,052
I used to think about $25,000 too,
and what I'd do with it.
288
00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:33,132
That I'd be a failure
if I didn't get a hold of it.
289
00:20:33,220 --> 00:20:39,773
And then one day I realized
I was never going to have $25,000.
290
00:20:39,860 --> 00:20:43,250
And then another day a little bit later,
considerably later,
291
00:20:43,340 --> 00:20:45,456
I realized something else,
292
00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:49,499
something I'm imparting to you now,
Mr. MacDonald.
293
00:20:49,580 --> 00:20:52,572
I'm not a failure. I'm a success.
294
00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:55,413
You see, ambition is all right if it works.
295
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:59,288
But no system could be right where only
half of one per cent were successes
296
00:20:59,380 --> 00:21:01,416
and all the rest were failures.
297
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,378
I'm not a failure. I'm a success.
298
00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:09,853
So are you if you earn your own living and
pay your bills and look the world in the eye.
299
00:21:09,940 --> 00:21:14,491
I hope you win your $25,000, Mr. MacDonald.
300
00:21:14,580 --> 00:21:18,129
But if you shouldn't happen to,
don't worry about it.
301
00:21:18,220 --> 00:21:23,772
Now get the heck back to your desk
and try to improve your arithmetic.
302
00:21:23,860 --> 00:21:26,499
Yes, sir, Mr. Waterbury.
303
00:21:27,980 --> 00:21:30,096
- Thank you.
- It's all right.
304
00:22:07,620 --> 00:22:10,453
Wow! Oh, honey, look!
305
00:22:10,540 --> 00:22:14,419
Hey, everybody! Hey, everybody!
Come here?
306
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,218
Get up here, honey.
307
00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:18,177
Wow!
308
00:22:18,260 --> 00:22:23,459
There comes a time in everybody's life
when he's got to get up and let it rip!
309
00:22:23,540 --> 00:22:26,213
Wow! In other words, boys and girls,
310
00:22:26,300 --> 00:22:29,656
I just won the $25,000 first prize
in the Maxford House contest.
311
00:22:32,220 --> 00:22:35,656
Hey, give me a phone.
Boy, this is gonna be good.
312
00:22:35,740 --> 00:22:40,177
Hello? Give me Astoria 59970.
This is really gonna be good.
313
00:22:45,140 --> 00:22:48,337
- Hello, is this Mrs. Schwartz?
- Yes.
314
00:22:48,420 --> 00:22:50,490
This is Jimmy. Hello, Mrs. Schwartz.
315
00:22:50,580 --> 00:22:53,811
I hate to bother you
but could I talk to my mom? It's important.
316
00:22:53,900 --> 00:22:56,972
Thank you. I'll let you use my phone
when I get one.
317
00:23:01,500 --> 00:23:03,411
Hello, Mum? This is Jimmy.
318
00:23:03,500 --> 00:23:06,492
I'm going to tell you something.
Don't be frightened.
319
00:23:06,580 --> 00:23:09,299
- You're not hurt?
- Course I'm not hurt!
320
00:23:09,380 --> 00:23:13,055
Mum, would I call you up
from under a streetcar?
321
00:23:13,140 --> 00:23:15,574
Mum, are you a rich woman
or a poor woman?
322
00:23:15,660 --> 00:23:18,857
No, I'm not crazy with the heat,
I'm just asking you a question.
323
00:23:18,940 --> 00:23:21,170
Are you a rich woman or a poor woman?
324
00:23:21,260 --> 00:23:24,457
You're all wet! I said you're all wet, Mum.
325
00:23:24,540 --> 00:23:28,135
Buy yourself anything you want.
Furniture, automobiles, dresses.
326
00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:30,176
- Electric washer.
- Electric washer!
327
00:23:30,260 --> 00:23:32,216
You know the one you like? It's yours.
328
00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:35,815
- The Davenport.
- The one that turns into a double bed.
329
00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:40,451
It's yours, Mum. And anything else
you want. All you gotta do is tell me.
330
00:23:40,540 --> 00:23:44,419
- It's gonna cost you a Davenport.
- I'll tell the world I got a raise.
331
00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:47,014
- Wow, he got a raise!
- Put him out of his misery.
332
00:23:47,100 --> 00:23:50,137
- Hey, the boss.
- What is going on around here?
333
00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:53,417
What is this? A football game?
334
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:57,573
Quiet! I said quiet!
Or there will be severe consequences.
335
00:23:57,660 --> 00:24:02,609
What are you doing on that desk?
Never mind! You're fired as of this minute.
336
00:24:02,700 --> 00:24:04,850
- What's your name?
- James MacDonald.
337
00:24:04,940 --> 00:24:06,692
This is my fianc�e, Miss Casey.
338
00:24:06,780 --> 00:24:09,294
Well, let that be a lesson to you.
339
00:24:11,460 --> 00:24:14,611
What is so funny about that?
340
00:24:14,700 --> 00:24:17,612
What is the meaning of this demonstration,
Mr. Waterbury?
341
00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:20,453
I demand an explanation,
and it had better be good.
342
00:24:20,540 --> 00:24:23,054
It is very good, sir. It appears this lad...
343
00:24:23,140 --> 00:24:25,529
What? What? What?
344
00:24:25,620 --> 00:24:27,372
Quiet!
345
00:24:27,460 --> 00:24:29,530
- Mr. Baxter.
- What do you want?
346
00:24:29,620 --> 00:24:32,009
If anyone ought to be fired, it's me.
347
00:24:32,100 --> 00:24:35,456
Never mind the noble gestures.
I'll decide what's what.
348
00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:37,929
Save that Rover Boy stuff
for your spare time.
349
00:24:38,020 --> 00:24:41,490
See that this young man is paid off,
and don't let this reoccur.
350
00:24:41,580 --> 00:24:43,491
There's a very good reason...
351
00:24:43,580 --> 00:24:46,253
- Has it anything to do with this company?
- No, but...
352
00:24:46,340 --> 00:24:50,094
- Then I don't care to hear about it!
- But you do care to hear about it.
353
00:24:50,180 --> 00:24:52,978
- How was that?
- I say you do care to hear about it.
354
00:24:53,060 --> 00:24:55,620
You couldn't have understood
what was said.
355
00:24:55,700 --> 00:24:57,975
These children are part of your family.
356
00:24:58,060 --> 00:25:00,574
Anything that happens to them
happens to you.
357
00:25:00,660 --> 00:25:03,891
So if you don't care to hear,
you must have misunderstood.
358
00:25:03,980 --> 00:25:05,618
What is all this?
359
00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:08,089
This young man,
this minor employee of yours,
360
00:25:08,180 --> 00:25:12,173
has just won the $25,000
Maxford House New Slogan contest.
361
00:25:12,260 --> 00:25:16,617
He and he alone was chosen winner
over millions of contestants.
362
00:25:16,700 --> 00:25:20,136
And I say that is reason enough
for rejoicing.
363
00:25:20,220 --> 00:25:22,734
Well, I should say it is.
364
00:25:24,740 --> 00:25:29,973
If you'll kindly get down off my furniture,
I'd like to congratulate you, Mr...
365
00:25:30,060 --> 00:25:31,812
Jimmy.
366
00:25:35,660 --> 00:25:38,458
- Well, more power to you.
- Thank you, sir.
367
00:25:38,540 --> 00:25:41,532
I suppose I'll have to hire you back
on a fat increase.
368
00:25:41,620 --> 00:25:44,453
I don't think that will be necessary,
Mr. Baxter.
369
00:25:44,540 --> 00:25:49,170
I've always liked it here and...
Oh, I guess a raise would come in handy.
370
00:25:50,820 --> 00:25:53,573
And you really won
the Maxford House contest, eh?
371
00:25:53,660 --> 00:25:56,891
- That's what the telegram said.
- They wanted a new slogan?
372
00:25:56,980 --> 00:25:59,733
- Yes, sir.
- It's about time they changed the old one.
373
00:25:59,820 --> 00:26:02,653
What was your slogan?
374
00:26:02,740 --> 00:26:06,289
"If you don't sleep at nights,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
375
00:26:06,380 --> 00:26:10,692
Do you get it? It's a play on words.
It means if you don't sleep at night...
376
00:26:10,780 --> 00:26:13,772
- But coffee keeps you awake.
- No, no, no, sir.
377
00:26:13,860 --> 00:26:17,136
- This scientist...
- It's a clever idea just the same.
378
00:26:17,220 --> 00:26:20,610
It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.
379
00:26:20,700 --> 00:26:23,976
That ought to be good
for the whole industry.
380
00:26:24,060 --> 00:26:26,858
Did you get any ideas for Baxter and Sons
381
00:26:26,940 --> 00:26:29,613
while you were inventing slogans
for competitors?
382
00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:33,488
- We make coffee too, you know.
- I certainly did, Mr. Baxter.
383
00:26:33,580 --> 00:26:37,016
I've been trying to tell them
to the advertising department.
384
00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:40,092
I've been down there
about a thousand times.
385
00:26:40,180 --> 00:26:42,819
You see, we don't advertise enough.
386
00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:46,495
How would you like
to come and tell me a few of these ideas?
387
00:26:46,580 --> 00:26:48,536
- Yes, sir.
- Oh, Jimmy.
388
00:26:48,620 --> 00:26:50,850
You can come too, my dear.
389
00:26:50,940 --> 00:26:55,377
Then I'd put out a secondary brand
to catch the in-between trade.
390
00:26:55,460 --> 00:26:59,009
Say, uh... "Waterbury's. It's the berries. "
391
00:26:59,100 --> 00:27:02,172
- What do you mean, Waterbury...
- Let him go on.
392
00:27:02,260 --> 00:27:05,730
Because if Baxter's is the best,
we've got to charge more for it.
393
00:27:05,820 --> 00:27:09,654
We've got to have a slogan. Word of mouth
is OK if you've got the right words.
394
00:27:09,740 --> 00:27:11,537
Make a note of that, Miss Pettypass.
395
00:27:11,620 --> 00:27:15,613
I tried to find a slogan that implied
that Baxters was the finest of its class.
396
00:27:15,700 --> 00:27:19,739
Say... Not "The aristocrat of coffee".
That's been used too much.
397
00:27:19,820 --> 00:27:22,857
But, er... say, er...
398
00:27:22,940 --> 00:27:26,410
"The blue-blood coffee.
It's bred in the bean. "
399
00:27:26,500 --> 00:27:30,539
See? As if every bean
in our coffee had a pedigree.
400
00:27:30,620 --> 00:27:33,612
"Baxter's Best. The blueblood coffee. "
401
00:27:33,700 --> 00:27:38,455
- "It's bred in the bean. "
- "It's bred in the bean. "
402
00:27:38,540 --> 00:27:41,577
Wonderful. How about that one?
403
00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:44,538
The only trouble with it is
I didn't think of it myself.
404
00:27:44,620 --> 00:27:48,135
"It's bred in the bean. "
I can see it all over the nation.
405
00:27:48,220 --> 00:27:50,893
In every nook and dell.
406
00:27:50,980 --> 00:27:53,892
Jimmy, you're a genius.
407
00:27:53,980 --> 00:27:58,098
Now that you're a capitalist, I don't know
how you feel about working for a living,
408
00:27:58,180 --> 00:28:00,171
but if you'd care to have an office...
409
00:28:00,260 --> 00:28:02,933
- You mean to myself?
- With his name on the door?
410
00:28:03,020 --> 00:28:06,899
Naturally. And this young lady
as your secretary.
411
00:28:06,980 --> 00:28:10,689
And a reasonable stipend
to be determined upon later.
412
00:28:10,780 --> 00:28:13,897
I see no reason
why we shouldn't shake hands on it now.
413
00:28:13,980 --> 00:28:16,778
- Go ahead, Jimmy.
- Gee whizz, Mr. Baxter.
414
00:28:16,860 --> 00:28:19,090
I should say I would, and how I would!
415
00:28:19,180 --> 00:28:23,139
I suppose you'd like to have the afternoon off
while we get your office ready?
416
00:28:23,220 --> 00:28:25,859
I'd certainly appreciate it, Mr. Baxter.
417
00:28:25,940 --> 00:28:28,579
- Can she come along too?
- Why of course she can!
418
00:28:28,660 --> 00:28:33,688
And a little bird tells me what kind of store
you're going to be visiting first.
419
00:28:33,780 --> 00:28:37,898
A little jewellery store, I'll wager, eh?
420
00:28:37,980 --> 00:28:40,016
I guess you're not far wrong.
421
00:28:40,100 --> 00:28:43,570
But first I think I'll go to Maxford House
and pick up that cheque.
422
00:28:43,660 --> 00:28:46,538
Oh, yes. We'd almost forgotten about that,
hadn't we?
423
00:28:46,620 --> 00:28:48,451
Almost but not quite.
424
00:28:48,540 --> 00:28:51,134
What was your Maxford House
slogan again?
425
00:28:51,220 --> 00:28:53,256
"It isn't the bunk, it's the coffee. "
426
00:28:53,340 --> 00:28:55,774
No, no! "It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
427
00:28:55,860 --> 00:28:58,249
Isn't that marvelous?
428
00:28:58,340 --> 00:29:01,650
"If you don't sleep at night it isn't the, uh... "
429
00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:04,937
Yes, but, "It's bred in the bean. "
430
00:29:05,020 --> 00:29:07,534
- That's the one for my money.
- Functional.
431
00:29:07,620 --> 00:29:11,613
- Precisely.
- Well, Mr. Baxter, I thank you.
432
00:29:11,700 --> 00:29:14,817
I don't know what to say.
433
00:29:14,900 --> 00:29:18,051
Thank you, Mr. Jenkins.
It'll be a pleasure working with you.
434
00:29:18,140 --> 00:29:21,132
Thank you, Mr. Waterbury,
and thank you, Mr. Babcock,
435
00:29:21,220 --> 00:29:23,939
and thank you, Miss Pettypass and...
436
00:29:24,020 --> 00:29:25,578
And how.
437
00:29:25,660 --> 00:29:27,810
- Well, goodbye.
- Goodbye.
438
00:29:27,900 --> 00:29:30,368
- Bye.
- Goodbye.
439
00:29:34,420 --> 00:29:36,570
- A big future.
- Immense.
440
00:29:36,660 --> 00:29:40,209
- I've had my eye on him for some time.
- Huh?
441
00:29:59,580 --> 00:30:01,730
- Look, kid...
- What?
442
00:30:01,820 --> 00:30:03,617
Can I talk to you? It's important.
443
00:30:03,700 --> 00:30:07,978
Can you tell me tomorrow? I've got to go
to the Maxford House and get my cheque.
444
00:30:08,060 --> 00:30:11,973
That's what I want to talk about.
Harry and Dick and I... Well...
445
00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:14,813
- Well, what?
- It's like this. You see, we...
446
00:30:14,900 --> 00:30:16,811
- Oh, MacDonald.
- Yes, sir?
447
00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:20,529
Was that "It's bred in the bean,"
or just plain "Bred in the bean"?
448
00:30:20,620 --> 00:30:24,659
"It's. " Just "Bred in the bean" might
sound like bread, like bread and butter.
449
00:30:24,740 --> 00:30:28,016
- Naturally. I don't know why I didn't realize.
- Is that all, sir?
450
00:30:28,100 --> 00:30:32,059
Yes. Have a nice time and
don't spend all your money in one place.
451
00:30:32,140 --> 00:30:35,894
- Thank you, sir. Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
452
00:30:35,980 --> 00:30:38,619
Great mind.
453
00:30:38,700 --> 00:30:42,136
Did you wish to speak to me, Darcy?
454
00:30:42,220 --> 00:30:46,816
Who, me? Oh, no, sir.
I was just watching them go out.
455
00:30:46,900 --> 00:30:49,653
Well, it's been quite an exciting day,
hasn't it?
456
00:30:51,460 --> 00:30:54,452
Yeah, and it ain't even over yet.
457
00:30:57,500 --> 00:30:59,809
I said, "You can stay here
till Hoboken freezes over. "
458
00:30:59,900 --> 00:31:03,131
- I should have fired all of them.
- I was mortified.
459
00:31:03,220 --> 00:31:07,008
The biggest moment in commercial annals
muffed by a gang of horse whistlers
460
00:31:07,100 --> 00:31:10,297
who wouldn't know a slogan
from a poke in the eye with a stick.
461
00:31:10,380 --> 00:31:13,850
- I thought I'd die of embarrassment.
- I wish they'd died of lockjaw.
462
00:31:13,940 --> 00:31:16,010
What good are these contests, anyway?
463
00:31:16,100 --> 00:31:20,173
They disrupt the entire organization,
they make you millions of enemies,
464
00:31:20,260 --> 00:31:23,377
and all they prove
is that you're making too much money,
465
00:31:23,460 --> 00:31:25,928
since you can afford
to toss it to some saphead
466
00:31:26,020 --> 00:31:29,410
who probably never had
a cup of your coffee but lives on goats' milk.
467
00:31:29,500 --> 00:31:32,651
- Have they reached a verdict yet?
- I don't know or care.
468
00:31:32,740 --> 00:31:34,970
If they hold off until our next broadcast...
469
00:31:35,060 --> 00:31:38,973
No, no!
That would be the intelligent thing to do.
470
00:31:39,060 --> 00:31:42,257
That would be useful to the company
that clothes and feeds them
471
00:31:42,340 --> 00:31:46,492
and sends their children to college
so they can be dumbbells like their parents.
472
00:31:50,340 --> 00:31:53,412
- What do you want?
- The contest winner is here.
473
00:31:53,500 --> 00:31:56,776
- The contest winner?
- Yes, sir.
474
00:31:56,860 --> 00:32:00,535
How do you like that? First they bottle up
the biggest scoop of the year,
475
00:32:00,620 --> 00:32:03,088
then when they get good and ready they...
476
00:32:04,780 --> 00:32:07,169
All right, send him in.
477
00:32:07,260 --> 00:32:08,932
- You can go in now.
- Thanks.
478
00:32:09,020 --> 00:32:11,580
- I guess I'd better wait here.
- Come on in.
479
00:32:11,660 --> 00:32:14,732
No, maybe you had better wait here.
We're a little excited.
480
00:32:14,820 --> 00:32:17,892
- You would be. Congratulations.
- Thanks. I mean, for him.
481
00:32:17,980 --> 00:32:19,857
For both of us.
482
00:32:19,940 --> 00:32:21,578
Well...
483
00:32:21,660 --> 00:32:24,094
Of all the confounded...
484
00:32:24,180 --> 00:32:25,898
Come in!
485
00:32:28,580 --> 00:32:33,574
How do you do? I suppose I have the honor
of addressing Dr. Maxford, I presume?
486
00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:36,015
Right. And this is Don Hartman,
my announcer.
487
00:32:36,100 --> 00:32:39,536
Well, Mr. Hartman,
it certainly is a pleasure to meet you.
488
00:32:39,620 --> 00:32:41,850
I've enjoyed your personality on the air.
489
00:32:41,940 --> 00:32:44,090
- Congratulations to you.
- Thank you.
490
00:32:44,180 --> 00:32:46,614
Here's the telegram,
Mr. Maxford... Dr. Maxford.
491
00:32:46,700 --> 00:32:48,099
Yes, yes, yes.
492
00:32:48,180 --> 00:32:52,253
Oh, yes. "Great pleasure in informing you...
$25,000.
493
00:32:52,340 --> 00:32:54,535
"Kindly call and pick up your cheque. "
494
00:32:54,620 --> 00:32:56,850
Bildocker has a great sense of the dramatic.
495
00:32:56,940 --> 00:32:59,613
You aren't by any chance a coffee drinker,
are you?
496
00:32:59,700 --> 00:33:02,453
- Yes, I certainly am.
- That's surprising.
497
00:33:02,540 --> 00:33:04,770
Do you, by any chance, drink my coffee?
498
00:33:04,860 --> 00:33:08,409
- No, sir, you see, I...
- Yes, that sounds more natural.
499
00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:11,378
- But I could easily change.
- That won't be necessary.
500
00:33:11,460 --> 00:33:15,658
I wouldn't want anybody to think
I had any base commercial motives.
501
00:33:15,740 --> 00:33:18,698
I just give money away
because I can't sleep at night.
502
00:33:18,780 --> 00:33:22,375
- I have a guilty conscience.
- That's my slogan. The one I won with.
503
00:33:22,460 --> 00:33:25,736
- I guess you know all about that.
- A guilty conscience, eh?
504
00:33:25,820 --> 00:33:29,335
I can see that my money is well spent.
That's a great slogan.
505
00:33:29,420 --> 00:33:33,333
No, sir. "If you can't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
506
00:33:33,420 --> 00:33:35,411
- I beg your pardon?
- It's a pun.
507
00:33:35,500 --> 00:33:38,810
- It certainly is. It's great.
- Thank you.
508
00:33:38,900 --> 00:33:42,017
I can hardly wait to give you my money.
509
00:33:44,460 --> 00:33:45,939
Bring me that contest cheque.
510
00:33:46,020 --> 00:33:49,251
I don't know if you've ever had
anything like this happen to you,
511
00:33:49,340 --> 00:33:53,128
but to be poor and unknown one minute
and on top of the world the next,
512
00:33:53,220 --> 00:33:55,336
that's a feeling nobody can take from me.
513
00:33:55,420 --> 00:33:57,615
- Well, I...
- To know I won this contest
514
00:33:57,700 --> 00:34:02,216
because I thought up the best slogan
means more to me that anything on earth.
515
00:34:02,300 --> 00:34:03,972
- I'll tell you why.
- If you...
516
00:34:04,060 --> 00:34:07,735
I used to think maybe I had good ideas
and was gonna get somewhere,
517
00:34:07,820 --> 00:34:13,053
but now I know it, and that's what I want
to thank you for, more than the money.
518
00:34:13,140 --> 00:34:16,052
- Did you want the $25,000 one?
- That's right.
519
00:34:16,140 --> 00:34:20,691
- When they choose a winner?
- They didn't bother to inform me.
520
00:34:20,780 --> 00:34:23,658
James MacDonald. Is that Mac or Mc?
521
00:34:23,740 --> 00:34:25,492
It's Mac, sir.
522
00:34:25,580 --> 00:34:28,731
My, uh... My grandmother was Scottish.
523
00:34:28,820 --> 00:34:31,209
Mine was Lithuanian.
524
00:34:31,300 --> 00:34:33,256
Here you are, young man.
525
00:34:33,340 --> 00:34:37,094
It is customary under these circumstances
to have photographers present,
526
00:34:37,180 --> 00:34:40,809
a couple of reporters and even newsreels
and broadcasting machinery.
527
00:34:40,900 --> 00:34:45,371
But since we do everything here
on a very high, non-commercial plain,
528
00:34:45,460 --> 00:34:49,772
I merely take pleasure in giving you
this small cheque, Mr. MacDonald.
529
00:34:49,860 --> 00:34:53,330
- That's all there is to it.
- Thank you, Dr. Maxford.
530
00:34:53,420 --> 00:34:56,696
- I don't know how I can find words...
- Never mind about them.
531
00:34:56,780 --> 00:34:59,578
Just goodbye and good luck.
532
00:34:59,660 --> 00:35:01,776
Oh, boy.
533
00:35:01,860 --> 00:35:05,648
- Now get me Bildocker!
- Yes, sir.
534
00:35:15,100 --> 00:35:17,409
Oh, gee!
535
00:35:20,180 --> 00:35:22,853
- She's a little bit excited.
- Yes.
536
00:35:22,940 --> 00:35:25,374
He's as cool as ice.
537
00:35:27,860 --> 00:35:30,090
- Well, goodbye.
- Goodbye.
538
00:35:30,180 --> 00:35:32,853
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
539
00:35:32,940 --> 00:35:34,896
Goodbye.
540
00:35:39,060 --> 00:35:42,132
- Yes?
- Mr. Bildocker isn't in his office.
541
00:35:42,220 --> 00:35:46,259
Well, why not? Where is he?
Down in the lobby playing marble games?
542
00:35:46,340 --> 00:35:49,457
Find him and tell him...
Never mind. I'll tell him myself.
543
00:35:49,540 --> 00:35:52,259
"It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk"!
544
00:35:54,740 --> 00:35:57,652
Oh, isn't it beautiful, Jimmy?
545
00:35:57,740 --> 00:36:01,494
- Holy smoke, I should say it is.
- This is a trifle on the large side.
546
00:36:01,580 --> 00:36:05,255
Now, here is a stone
of more practical dimensions.
547
00:36:05,340 --> 00:36:08,173
Fiery little devil, isn't it?
548
00:36:08,260 --> 00:36:10,854
Does the magnifying glass go with it?
549
00:36:10,940 --> 00:36:14,216
It's up to you.
I was only trying to be helpful, that's all.
550
00:36:14,300 --> 00:36:16,973
It's immaterial to me
how big a ring you... look at.
551
00:36:17,060 --> 00:36:19,654
Now how about... Just a minute.
552
00:36:20,780 --> 00:36:22,771
Fresh guy.
553
00:36:23,980 --> 00:36:26,448
What do you think of this, for instance?
554
00:36:26,540 --> 00:36:29,213
- How much is it?
- $12,000.
555
00:36:29,300 --> 00:36:32,451
- I wouldn't care to spend that much.
- You wouldn't?
556
00:36:32,540 --> 00:36:35,259
- No. But I could if I felt like it.
- You could?
557
00:36:35,340 --> 00:36:39,731
Oh. Well, that puts everything
on an entirely different basis.
558
00:36:39,820 --> 00:36:42,334
- Let me see.
- I'm in love with this one.
559
00:36:42,420 --> 00:36:44,809
Oh. Do you think it's showy enough?
560
00:36:44,900 --> 00:36:47,539
- I wouldn't want it to be showy.
- Oh, yes.
561
00:36:47,620 --> 00:36:50,134
There's no denying
it's a friendly little piece.
562
00:36:50,220 --> 00:36:55,055
- Well, then, I guess we'll take it.
- Yes, sir.
563
00:36:55,140 --> 00:36:56,539
Oh, Jimmy!
564
00:36:56,620 --> 00:36:59,578
- I haven't got any cash with me but...
- Ah.
565
00:36:59,660 --> 00:37:02,697
- But I've got a cheque here.
- Uh-huh. May I see it, please?
566
00:37:02,780 --> 00:37:04,293
Sure.
567
00:37:08,620 --> 00:37:12,090
Well, well. Mr. Schmidt!
Step this way immediately, please.
568
00:37:12,180 --> 00:37:14,648
- Well, well.
- I won the Maxford House contest.
569
00:37:14,740 --> 00:37:17,971
- Isn't it wonderful?
- Well, I should say it is.
570
00:37:18,060 --> 00:37:21,689
A thousand congratulations.
Uh... 25,000 congratulations.
571
00:37:21,780 --> 00:37:23,975
For heaven's sakes. Mr. Schmidt!
572
00:37:24,060 --> 00:37:27,097
Yes, yes, Mr. Hillbeiner,
I'll be there presently.
573
00:37:27,180 --> 00:37:30,297
- Kindly cut a groove, will you?
- Sir.
574
00:37:30,380 --> 00:37:33,213
Hillbeiner has been drinking again.
575
00:37:35,020 --> 00:37:37,739
Yes?
576
00:37:37,820 --> 00:37:42,052
Shindel Brothers wants to knowif that $25,000 cheque of yours is good.
577
00:37:42,140 --> 00:37:46,452
Good? Tell them I'll match mine against
theirs any day and give them six to four.
578
00:37:46,540 --> 00:37:49,976
- Yes, sir.
- Is it good?
579
00:37:50,060 --> 00:37:52,255
The Davenola. Now watch closely.
580
00:37:52,340 --> 00:37:56,538
I merely remove two cushions, place
my finger on the button marked "Night",
581
00:37:56,620 --> 00:37:58,895
and with one easy push of the finger,
582
00:37:58,980 --> 00:38:00,891
we have a double bed,
583
00:38:00,980 --> 00:38:05,178
a radio, an ashtray for those who smoke
in bed, a reading lamp for the reader,
584
00:38:05,260 --> 00:38:07,774
a telephone and many other accessories.
585
00:38:07,860 --> 00:38:11,569
Pausing merely to slip a pillow slip
over the day cushion...
586
00:38:13,540 --> 00:38:15,178
we complete the metamorphosis.
587
00:38:15,260 --> 00:38:18,058
Everything under fingertip control
throughout.
588
00:38:18,140 --> 00:38:21,769
There is no limit to man's ingenuity.
589
00:38:22,820 --> 00:38:25,698
- Isn't that wonderful?
- Comes the morrow.
590
00:38:28,180 --> 00:38:30,535
A flick of the wrist...
591
00:38:32,700 --> 00:38:34,691
a thorough airing...
592
00:38:42,220 --> 00:38:44,734
a gentle pressure
on the button marked "Day"...
593
00:38:45,980 --> 00:38:48,050
et voil�, as the French would say,
594
00:38:48,140 --> 00:38:51,371
ready for breakfast, a rousing book
or a gentle game of bridge.
595
00:38:51,460 --> 00:38:54,099
The price, 198.50 plus tax.
596
00:38:54,180 --> 00:38:56,774
We'll take it.
597
00:38:58,580 --> 00:39:00,730
- What a bargain you're getting.
- Pardon?
598
00:39:00,820 --> 00:39:04,654
I'm Mr. Shindel, Mr. MacDonald.
Congratulations. Here's your cheque.
599
00:39:04,740 --> 00:39:07,698
- And what a cheque.
- Thanks. How soon can you send it?
600
00:39:07,780 --> 00:39:10,248
It's there. Make that a special, Hillbeiner.
601
00:39:10,340 --> 00:39:13,537
- Would your mother like one?
- No. We haven't got room.
602
00:39:13,620 --> 00:39:16,054
We got to get everybody something.
603
00:39:16,140 --> 00:39:18,290
Mama's been wanting a new iron.
604
00:39:18,380 --> 00:39:20,177
- She's got it.
- Have you got irons?
605
00:39:20,260 --> 00:39:23,218
Have we got irons? Huh!
They do everything but sing.
606
00:39:23,300 --> 00:39:26,053
We gotta get something for Mrs. Schwartz,
607
00:39:26,140 --> 00:39:28,415
Sophie, Mrs. Zimmerman, the Casey kids...
608
00:39:28,500 --> 00:39:30,730
Aren't you afraid of spending too much?
609
00:39:30,820 --> 00:39:32,731
- The Finnegans.
- Patrolman Murphy.
610
00:39:32,820 --> 00:39:34,697
- Tony Mozepo.
- And Mr. Rosenblatt.
611
00:39:34,780 --> 00:39:38,329
We better just work up
one side of the street and down the other.
612
00:39:38,420 --> 00:39:40,456
Oh, Jimmy!
613
00:39:50,780 --> 00:39:54,056
I don't like to take all this
without paying for it, Mr. Shindel.
614
00:39:54,140 --> 00:39:57,291
Nonsense. We know an honest man
when we see one, don't we, boys?
615
00:39:57,380 --> 00:39:58,335
Indeed!
616
00:39:58,420 --> 00:40:01,218
Why don't you take this cheque
and give me the change?
617
00:40:01,300 --> 00:40:03,450
We should have change for such a cheque?
618
00:40:03,540 --> 00:40:05,496
Excuse me.
619
00:40:05,580 --> 00:40:07,855
- What a bargain.
- Thank you.
620
00:40:07,940 --> 00:40:10,852
I'll bring you a cheque
as soon as I put this in the bank.
621
00:40:10,940 --> 00:40:14,455
Who's in a hurry? Drop in any time.
Drop in tomorrow.
622
00:40:14,540 --> 00:40:17,134
- Here are the flowers.
- Thank you.
623
00:40:17,220 --> 00:40:20,337
A little souvenir.
Don't forget to call again, Mr. MacDonald.
624
00:40:20,420 --> 00:40:22,729
- No, sir, I won't.
- Goodbye.
625
00:40:22,820 --> 00:40:24,776
Goodbye, Mr. Shindel.
626
00:40:30,140 --> 00:40:34,258
- Goodbye, Mr. Schmidt!
- Goodbye, Mr. MacDonald.
627
00:40:34,340 --> 00:40:36,570
- Goodbye Mr. Hillbeimer.
- Hillbeiner.
628
00:40:36,660 --> 00:40:40,016
- Goodbye Mr. Heilbimmer.
- That's close enough. It's all right.
629
00:40:40,100 --> 00:40:44,173
- Come and see us again.
- Thank you. Goodbye.
630
00:40:44,260 --> 00:40:46,490
Have you got all your bundles now?
631
00:40:46,580 --> 00:40:48,377
Goodbye.
632
00:40:59,780 --> 00:41:02,248
- What a boy.
- What a business.
633
00:41:03,700 --> 00:41:07,136
- Oh, I'm so happy.
- I feel kind of good myself.
634
00:41:07,220 --> 00:41:10,018
Can you see the faces on everybody
when we get there?
635
00:41:10,100 --> 00:41:13,172
Yeah. Like Christmas in July.
636
00:41:16,460 --> 00:41:19,258
Well, happy New Year.
637
00:41:20,460 --> 00:41:23,179
It will be a happy new year from now on.
638
00:41:23,260 --> 00:41:26,491
Everything new and clean and different.
639
00:41:26,580 --> 00:41:30,892
- Just think, Jimmy. No more worry.
- That's right.
640
00:41:30,980 --> 00:41:33,972
That's the only terrible thing
about being poor.
641
00:41:34,060 --> 00:41:36,893
- What kind of a house will we have?
- Any kind you like.
642
00:41:36,980 --> 00:41:39,733
- How about a penthouse?
- They come high, don't they?
643
00:41:39,820 --> 00:41:42,732
No, I don't think... Oh, you fool!
644
00:41:46,220 --> 00:41:50,691
- Will you love me for always?
- Of course I will.
645
00:41:50,780 --> 00:41:54,216
- For always and always?
- I don't know why not.
646
00:41:54,300 --> 00:41:56,575
It might be a long time.
647
00:41:56,660 --> 00:41:58,969
The longer the sweeter, baby.
648
00:42:00,220 --> 00:42:03,849
And then he says, "Mum, you're all wet.
You can buy anything you want.
649
00:42:03,940 --> 00:42:08,092
"An automobile, new dresses, furniture,
the Davenport, anything. "
650
00:42:08,180 --> 00:42:11,729
My Irving, he drinks too.
Once in a while, a little bit.
651
00:42:11,820 --> 00:42:14,209
- Not so little.
- Yes, I know.
652
00:42:14,300 --> 00:42:18,134
But Jimmy doesn't. He wouldn't take a drink
unless something happened.
653
00:42:18,220 --> 00:42:20,780
- Maybe he lost his job.
- He said he got a raise.
654
00:42:20,860 --> 00:42:24,648
Who's giving raises these days?
655
00:42:24,740 --> 00:42:26,537
I can't think what has happened.
656
00:42:29,020 --> 00:42:30,533
They're bringing him home.
657
00:42:30,620 --> 00:42:32,929
- Who asked you something?
- No...
658
00:42:33,020 --> 00:42:35,693
Don't you worry. Maybe just a little accident.
659
00:42:35,780 --> 00:42:38,977
Maybe just a leg or a finger.
660
00:42:39,060 --> 00:42:41,893
Come here quick! Hurry up!
661
00:42:44,740 --> 00:42:47,413
- What is it?
- A funeral.
662
00:42:49,780 --> 00:42:52,613
Hey, Mum, come on down.
You too, Mrs. Schwartz.
663
00:42:52,700 --> 00:42:55,817
- You too, Mama!
- We got presents for everybody!
664
00:42:55,900 --> 00:42:57,697
- He's drunk.
- Jimmy!
665
00:42:57,780 --> 00:43:00,248
I'm all right, Mum. Come on down.
666
00:43:00,340 --> 00:43:01,739
Look!
667
00:43:01,820 --> 00:43:05,938
- Was somebody hurt?
- Jimmy came home in a taxicab.
668
00:43:09,780 --> 00:43:13,455
I got a big surprise here.
I wanna start with Sophie.
669
00:43:13,540 --> 00:43:15,496
Careful, now.
670
00:43:18,100 --> 00:43:20,534
- I've got a present for you, Sophie.
- For me?
671
00:43:20,620 --> 00:43:22,099
Yes. Open it up.
672
00:43:35,100 --> 00:43:36,931
Oh!
673
00:43:46,740 --> 00:43:51,450
In a minute. Take it easy. Take it easy,
there's something for everybody, I think.
674
00:43:52,420 --> 00:43:54,809
Mom!
675
00:43:54,900 --> 00:43:57,858
What's happened? Are you hurt?
What's going on here?
676
00:43:57,940 --> 00:44:00,818
I wasn't lying to you.
The Davenport is on the way.
677
00:44:00,900 --> 00:44:04,256
- Wait till you see it, Mum.
- Then you did get a raise.
678
00:44:06,780 --> 00:44:08,532
Oh, glory!
679
00:44:11,980 --> 00:44:14,369
Mom! Here's one for you.
680
00:44:14,460 --> 00:44:15,859
Oh, Mom!
681
00:44:15,940 --> 00:44:19,489
Why don't you get wise to yourself?
Who do you think you are anyway?
682
00:44:19,580 --> 00:44:22,413
If it's good enough for us,
who are you to say...
683
00:44:22,500 --> 00:44:25,333
- It stinks. It stinks.
- He stinks.
684
00:44:25,420 --> 00:44:28,856
One more crack out of you
and I'll bust you right in the nose.
685
00:44:28,940 --> 00:44:32,057
- Let's see you do it.
- I will, you snake-eyed...
686
00:44:32,140 --> 00:44:35,735
- Sit down before you burst a blood vessel.
- Sit down, Bildocker.
687
00:44:35,820 --> 00:44:39,051
Let's talk this over in a nice friendly way.
688
00:44:39,140 --> 00:44:44,737
We think, "Maxford's. Magnificent and
mellow. Just what the doctor ordered. "
689
00:44:44,820 --> 00:44:48,017
- It's brief, it's smooth, it's pungent.
- It's putrid.
690
00:44:48,100 --> 00:44:52,013
- Why is it putrid, Bildocker?
- Because it stinks.
691
00:44:52,100 --> 00:44:54,898
Why isn't he back? Where is he?
In the barber shop?
692
00:44:54,980 --> 00:44:58,495
Never mind him.
Tell him to go soak his head in a barrel.
693
00:44:58,580 --> 00:45:00,571
- Is Mr. Einbrewster there?
- No, sir.
694
00:45:00,660 --> 00:45:04,494
Why? Where is everybody? Playing pool?
695
00:45:04,580 --> 00:45:06,935
- Is Mr. Grobel there?
- No, sir.
696
00:45:07,020 --> 00:45:09,773
Is he having an operation?
What kind of a firm is this?
697
00:45:09,860 --> 00:45:12,772
- He's in the contest room.
- What do you mean?
698
00:45:12,860 --> 00:45:15,135
- The contest is over.
- He's down there.
699
00:45:15,220 --> 00:45:18,815
What are they doing? Playing poker?
Never mind. I'll find out myself.
700
00:45:18,900 --> 00:45:20,379
Horse feathers!
701
00:45:20,460 --> 00:45:22,974
- Don't be vulgar, Bildocker!
- Or what?
702
00:45:23,060 --> 00:45:25,016
Who are you?
703
00:45:25,100 --> 00:45:28,172
Well, what are you arguing about now?
704
00:45:28,260 --> 00:45:33,698
Now, would you get back to your offices
and try and sell some coffee for a change?
705
00:45:33,780 --> 00:45:37,898
Or am I being too commercial?
And while I'm on that subject,
706
00:45:37,980 --> 00:45:43,612
I wanna tell you that of all the congregations
of fatheads that I've ever gazed upon,
707
00:45:43,700 --> 00:45:45,656
you take the lardpail!
708
00:45:45,740 --> 00:45:49,494
So kiss each other goodbye.
All except you, Bildocker.
709
00:45:49,580 --> 00:45:51,730
- What about the contest?
- What about it?
710
00:45:51,820 --> 00:45:54,254
Now you've killed it,
you want a postmortem?
711
00:45:54,340 --> 00:45:56,535
- Shouldn't we choose a winner?
- You did.
712
00:45:56,620 --> 00:46:00,408
- We certainly did not.
- You certainly did. What do you mean?
713
00:46:00,500 --> 00:46:04,971
- We haven't reached a verdict.
- You certainly have reached a verdict.
714
00:46:05,060 --> 00:46:09,133
Are you trying to tell me
that you haven't reached a verdict yet?
715
00:46:09,220 --> 00:46:13,293
- We have not.
- Then why did you send him a telegram?
716
00:46:13,380 --> 00:46:15,655
- Send who a telegram?
- McTavish!
717
00:46:15,740 --> 00:46:20,814
- We didn't send... Who's McTavish?
- You certainly did send a telegram!
718
00:46:20,900 --> 00:46:23,289
We certainly did not send a telegram.
719
00:46:23,380 --> 00:46:27,931
You didn't? Well, then who... who...?
Who...?
720
00:46:28,020 --> 00:46:29,976
Jumping Jerusalem!
721
00:46:38,660 --> 00:46:40,616
- Get my lawyer!
- Which one?
722
00:46:40,700 --> 00:46:43,009
Schubel, Snivel, Abercrombie and Snitch!
723
00:46:43,100 --> 00:46:45,216
Quiet! Get me Shindel Bros!
724
00:46:45,300 --> 00:46:49,213
We have to keep cool and collected!
Collected! Holy moley!
725
00:46:49,300 --> 00:46:51,689
- Bank the call
- Bank the call?
726
00:46:51,780 --> 00:46:55,568
Call the bank! What's the matter with you?
Holy mackerel!
727
00:46:57,260 --> 00:46:59,171
What? Give me a hat.
728
00:46:59,260 --> 00:47:03,731
- Get me Minsk, Minsk, Binsk and Binsk.
- What kind of a hat, Mr. Shindel?
729
00:47:03,820 --> 00:47:05,776
- A hat!
- Yes, sir.
730
00:47:08,460 --> 00:47:09,813
Stop!
731
00:47:12,740 --> 00:47:14,093
Stop!
732
00:47:14,180 --> 00:47:16,774
No, go! We'll go with you!
733
00:47:24,980 --> 00:47:28,370
Jimmy! We're running low.
Get another load.
734
00:47:28,460 --> 00:47:30,815
Mary? Where's Mary? All right, Mary.
735
00:47:32,940 --> 00:47:35,215
Marsha? Marsha, there you are.
736
00:47:35,300 --> 00:47:37,894
Nobody's been forgotten. Be careful.
737
00:47:58,740 --> 00:48:02,050
- You forgot to get a present for yourself.
- What?
738
00:48:02,140 --> 00:48:06,975
- You forgot to get a present for yourself.
- I don't need one, I've got you.
739
00:48:14,260 --> 00:48:16,615
- It's a big fish.
- No...
740
00:48:19,780 --> 00:48:22,089
There he is! Come on, grab him!
741
00:48:22,180 --> 00:48:24,136
Look, Jimmy!
742
00:48:24,220 --> 00:48:27,178
- Here's your Davenport, mom.
- Wait till you see it!
743
00:48:27,260 --> 00:48:29,615
Come on, get him! Take him away!
744
00:48:31,900 --> 00:48:33,856
Hey, you! What...?
745
00:48:35,220 --> 00:48:37,654
What's the idea, busting up my plane?
746
00:48:37,740 --> 00:48:40,891
- It's my plane.
- Jimmy MacDonald gave it to me!
747
00:48:40,980 --> 00:48:44,450
- Yeah? When I get through with him...
- What's going on?
748
00:48:44,540 --> 00:48:48,931
- Officer, arrest all these people.
- Who do you think you are? Hitler?
749
00:48:49,020 --> 00:48:51,215
Listen, you...
750
00:48:51,300 --> 00:48:55,179
- You listen to me, baby...
- Well, can't you do something?
751
00:48:55,260 --> 00:48:57,216
Say, er, hey...
752
00:48:58,100 --> 00:49:01,137
- No! No!
- This belongs to Shindel Brothers.
753
00:49:01,220 --> 00:49:04,053
Come and help me!
754
00:49:04,140 --> 00:49:06,051
- No! No!
- Be sensible, girl.
755
00:49:06,140 --> 00:49:08,495
- What are you doing?
- This is stolen.
756
00:49:08,580 --> 00:49:10,377
Oh, it is, is it?
757
00:49:18,380 --> 00:49:21,690
He who laughs last lasts laughs!
758
00:49:33,140 --> 00:49:37,179
Everything is stolen,
down to the last pogo stick - everything.
759
00:49:40,460 --> 00:49:43,054
Ah, you see? "Shindel Brothers. Toy Land. "
760
00:49:43,140 --> 00:49:46,257
He comes into my store
with a phony cheque and...
761
00:49:46,340 --> 00:49:49,218
Who came into your store
with a phony cheque?
762
00:49:49,300 --> 00:49:51,894
He ain't even got the decency to run away!
Lowlife.
763
00:49:51,980 --> 00:49:54,540
- Listen you...
- Officer, arrest him.
764
00:49:54,620 --> 00:49:56,975
- You starting that again?
- What?
765
00:49:57,060 --> 00:50:00,939
I've known that kid
since he was knee-high to a cockroach.
766
00:50:01,020 --> 00:50:04,854
- What's he supposed to have done?
- Supposed to have done?
767
00:50:04,940 --> 00:50:07,613
He's supposed to have given
me a sour cheque,
768
00:50:07,700 --> 00:50:10,851
then he's supposed to have bought
a diamond ring -
769
00:50:10,940 --> 00:50:14,216
which I suppose I don't see there -
and a nice fur coat.
770
00:50:14,300 --> 00:50:18,339
Then he takes half the toys,
waves the rubber cheque, and leaves.
771
00:50:18,420 --> 00:50:20,456
Who says it's a rubber cheque?
772
00:50:20,540 --> 00:50:22,610
Dr. Maxford of Maxford House.
773
00:50:22,700 --> 00:50:25,373
Dr. Maxford gave me the cheque himself.
774
00:50:25,460 --> 00:50:27,735
- Mr. Swindle...
- Shindel.
775
00:50:27,820 --> 00:50:32,098
I know this boy since his poppa and momma
wasn't even married yet.
776
00:50:32,180 --> 00:50:34,694
The whole family is a little bit crazy.
777
00:50:34,780 --> 00:50:39,012
- $25,000- can you imagine?
- A dreamer.
778
00:50:39,100 --> 00:50:41,773
- Mrs. Schwartz, Mr. Zimmerman...
- Let me handle this.
779
00:50:41,860 --> 00:50:43,339
He gave me a cheque.
780
00:50:43,420 --> 00:50:45,536
- If he says he did...
... then he did.
781
00:50:45,620 --> 00:50:47,815
Just go home and think it all over.
782
00:50:47,900 --> 00:50:51,336
I'll break you in so many pieces...
You're all witnesses!
783
00:50:51,420 --> 00:50:55,174
- Trying to imitate an officer?
- Who's imitating anybody?
784
00:51:04,020 --> 00:51:06,580
Officer! Officer, arrest this man!
785
00:51:06,660 --> 00:51:10,619
- That's been tried.
- There's been some sort of mix-up here...
786
00:51:10,700 --> 00:51:13,498
You have the effrontery
even to speak to me?
787
00:51:13,580 --> 00:51:17,414
What? I just want you to tell them
that you gave me a cheque.
788
00:51:17,500 --> 00:51:20,253
- What cheque?
- The one in your office.
789
00:51:20,340 --> 00:51:22,649
- Let me see it.
- Certainly.
790
00:51:25,020 --> 00:51:28,410
Oh, that cheque. Boy, do I feel better!
791
00:51:28,500 --> 00:51:31,856
- Hey, you're destroying the evidence.
- Who are you?
792
00:51:31,940 --> 00:51:34,977
- Shindel!
- Officer, arrest these people!
793
00:51:35,060 --> 00:51:38,450
- Listen, Mussolini...
- If there's something wrong
794
00:51:38,540 --> 00:51:40,735
what did you give me the cheque for?
795
00:51:40,820 --> 00:51:44,654
You know perfectly well,
in my life I never heard of you!
796
00:51:44,740 --> 00:51:48,130
- You didn't give me a cheque?
- That was by mistake.
797
00:51:48,220 --> 00:51:51,178
I was suspicious of you as soon as I saw
you.
798
00:51:51,260 --> 00:51:53,216
You mean I didn't win?
799
00:51:53,300 --> 00:51:55,814
You know perfectly well you didn't win!
800
00:51:55,900 --> 00:51:59,210
- But...
- He's entirely responsible, I see it all.
801
00:51:59,300 --> 00:52:01,609
I know how big firms work, God forbid.
802
00:52:01,700 --> 00:52:05,375
This is an honest boy.
I knew it the minute I looked at him.
803
00:52:05,460 --> 00:52:10,739
You gave him that cheque, you numbskull.
I should take back the merchandise I sold.
804
00:52:10,820 --> 00:52:15,894
Carry that Davenport upstairs for the lady.
A present from Dr. Maxford.
805
00:52:15,980 --> 00:52:20,974
And buy the children more ice cream -
they'll enjoy my toys much better.
806
00:52:21,060 --> 00:52:25,099
- Dr. Maxford is paying.
- I'll see you in Hoboken before I pay!
807
00:52:25,820 --> 00:52:30,416
And I'll see you in court,
and you'll pay for everything. With costs!
808
00:52:30,500 --> 00:52:33,458
- In a pig's nose!
- Pigs or no pigs.
809
00:52:33,540 --> 00:52:36,612
And another thing...
810
00:52:37,940 --> 00:52:39,931
Oh, you will, will you?
811
00:52:40,980 --> 00:52:43,255
Don't take the good ones.
812
00:52:46,380 --> 00:52:50,692
It doesn't matter, honey.
You can't lose anything you never had.
813
00:52:53,940 --> 00:52:57,819
I don't want his old ring or... or his old skunk.
814
00:52:58,820 --> 00:53:01,812
What I can't figure is
who sent that telegram.
815
00:53:08,140 --> 00:53:10,131
Hello, Jimmy. Hello, Betty.
816
00:53:10,220 --> 00:53:12,176
- Hello.
- Hello.
817
00:53:14,780 --> 00:53:19,251
- What's that?
- Is this the Davenport your ma wanted?
818
00:53:19,340 --> 00:53:23,333
The crank fits on here
and when you turn it it...
819
00:53:23,420 --> 00:53:27,698
Makes into a full-size double bed at night.
Guy said it works swell.
820
00:53:27,780 --> 00:53:29,736
What did you go get that for?
821
00:53:29,820 --> 00:53:34,974
Well, we kinda hoped that
it might make up for the... phony telegram.
822
00:53:36,460 --> 00:53:39,770
It was a joke.
It wasn't very funny.
823
00:53:39,860 --> 00:53:42,533
Oh. I get it.
824
00:53:44,900 --> 00:53:47,016
Oh, Jimmy...
825
00:54:06,460 --> 00:54:09,770
- Hi, Mr. Jimmy!
- Hello, Sam. The boss gone yet?
826
00:54:09,860 --> 00:54:13,011
No, he's still in there conniving on
something.
827
00:54:13,100 --> 00:54:17,651
- Tell him in the morning.
- I was glad to hear about your good luck.
828
00:54:17,740 --> 00:54:20,937
- Do you need a valet?
- No thanks, Sam.
829
00:54:21,020 --> 00:54:25,377
Well, sir, I guess you is right -
pride rides before a fall.
830
00:54:25,460 --> 00:54:29,533
But not everybody hits the jackpot
while they is young and all.
831
00:54:29,620 --> 00:54:32,134
You said it.
832
00:54:32,220 --> 00:54:35,053
Look.
Hello, pussy.
833
00:54:35,140 --> 00:54:38,337
Is it good luck
when a black cat crosses your path?
834
00:54:38,420 --> 00:54:41,332
That all depends on what happens
afterwards.
835
00:54:41,420 --> 00:54:43,376
You said it.
836
00:54:43,460 --> 00:54:45,894
Sure don't happen to everybody, sir!
837
00:54:51,420 --> 00:54:54,014
- Yes, sir.
- Look.
838
00:54:54,820 --> 00:54:56,731
Good evening.
839
00:55:05,220 --> 00:55:07,495
- Pretty snazzy, eh?
- Yeah.
840
00:55:07,580 --> 00:55:08,933
Lovely.
841
00:55:09,020 --> 00:55:10,772
Thank you.
842
00:55:10,860 --> 00:55:12,851
- Be careful.
- We will.
843
00:55:47,100 --> 00:55:50,456
It was gonna be nice, wasn't it?
844
00:55:52,420 --> 00:55:56,652
Stop it, honey.
Come on, now, cut it out. Come on.
845
00:56:05,860 --> 00:56:07,657
Come in.
846
00:56:08,540 --> 00:56:11,816
- I hope I'm not intruding?
- No, sir, I was just coming to see you.
847
00:56:11,900 --> 00:56:13,970
We stopped to look at the office...
848
00:56:14,060 --> 00:56:16,415
- So I see. I hope you like it.
- It's beautiful.
849
00:56:16,500 --> 00:56:20,778
It isn't every young man who gets his own
office and a private secretary at your age.
850
00:56:20,860 --> 00:56:24,409
With many of them
I'd be afraid it would go to their heads
851
00:56:24,500 --> 00:56:27,970
- but you have your feet on the ground.
- Thank you, sir.
852
00:56:28,060 --> 00:56:33,339
I mean it sincerely. Mr. Jenkins and I
discussed our little meeting after you left
853
00:56:33,420 --> 00:56:37,891
and I want you to know that we were
genuinely impressed - genuinely so.
854
00:56:37,980 --> 00:56:41,973
- That's nice to hear...
- The more we thought about your ideas
855
00:56:42,060 --> 00:56:47,088
the more aware we became of their
pungency, their brevity, their crispness.
856
00:56:47,180 --> 00:56:51,412
- Thank you, sir, it's...
- You have a genuine talent for slogans.
857
00:56:51,500 --> 00:56:53,968
It must be like having an ear for music.
858
00:56:54,060 --> 00:56:58,338
Take me, I sing flat. You, on the other hand,
are a born sloganeer.
859
00:56:58,420 --> 00:57:01,776
"It's bred in the bean. " Hot ziggety!
860
00:57:01,860 --> 00:57:07,810
Well, it's certainly wonderful to hear, Mr.
Baxter. You've made me feel a lot better.
861
00:57:07,900 --> 00:57:11,051
They're still the same ideas, aren't they?
862
00:57:11,140 --> 00:57:15,736
If they were good this afternoon
they're still good. They're the same.
863
00:57:15,820 --> 00:57:17,936
- Of course they are.
- Of course they are.
864
00:57:18,020 --> 00:57:23,777
- I'm not quite sure I have your thought.
- You still think they're good, don't you?
865
00:57:23,860 --> 00:57:26,249
Well, of course I do. Why?
866
00:57:26,340 --> 00:57:31,209
Since they were good and they're still good
they have to be good.
867
00:57:31,300 --> 00:57:36,852
And then it wouldn't make any difference
if I hadn't won the Maxford House contest.
868
00:57:36,940 --> 00:57:39,056
- Would it?
- Of course it would.
869
00:57:39,140 --> 00:57:41,654
- Oh, it would.
- Certainly it would.
870
00:57:41,740 --> 00:57:43,810
- Why?
- I'm no genius,
871
00:57:43,900 --> 00:57:47,688
I didn't keep my father's money
by backing my own judgment.
872
00:57:47,780 --> 00:57:52,934
I make mistakes every day -
I've got a whole warehouse full of mistakes.
873
00:57:53,020 --> 00:57:55,853
I should say it would make a difference.
874
00:57:55,940 --> 00:58:00,218
You see, I think your ideas are good
because they sound good to me
875
00:58:00,300 --> 00:58:06,011
but I know your ideas are good because you
won this contest over millions of aspirants.
876
00:58:06,100 --> 00:58:09,410
- But Mr. Baxter...
- Call it commercial insurance.
877
00:58:09,500 --> 00:58:12,890
When a horse wins the derby
you back him for the breaker.
878
00:58:12,980 --> 00:58:15,096
- I didn't win it.
- The breaker?
879
00:58:15,180 --> 00:58:17,330
The contest. It was a joke.
880
00:58:18,140 --> 00:58:20,938
- A joke?
- That's what they meant it to be.
881
00:58:21,020 --> 00:58:23,136
- Who did?
- Some of the fellas.
882
00:58:23,220 --> 00:58:26,530
They wanted to see how I'd look
when I got the news.
883
00:58:26,620 --> 00:58:30,693
Tell me their names and we'll see
how they look when I give them some news!
884
00:58:30,780 --> 00:58:34,329
I wouldn't care to do that, I...
Oh, it doesn't matter.
885
00:58:34,420 --> 00:58:36,331
It doesn't matter?
886
00:58:36,420 --> 00:58:40,618
After I spent a whole afternoon
listening to a lot of... baloney?
887
00:58:40,700 --> 00:58:45,649
Entirely predicated on the winning of
this contest? And giving you this office?
888
00:58:45,740 --> 00:58:49,699
- But what about my slogan?
- I don't know, what about it?
889
00:58:49,780 --> 00:58:53,409
We'll find that out!
There'll be plenty of time for that.
890
00:58:53,500 --> 00:58:59,177
But I won't made a fool of. I can't go around
giving out private offices and secretaries
891
00:58:59,260 --> 00:59:03,811
on the strength of a prank
that personally I consider far from funny!
892
00:59:03,900 --> 00:59:06,050
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
893
00:59:06,140 --> 00:59:10,930
It's gonna be hard to face that gang
tomorrow if I'm back at that desk.
894
00:59:11,020 --> 00:59:16,492
It would be just as hard to face them
from in here if you didn't belong here.
895
00:59:16,580 --> 00:59:20,175
- He does belong in here.
- What is the joke this time?
896
00:59:20,260 --> 00:59:23,252
He belongs in here
because he thinks he does.
897
00:59:23,340 --> 00:59:26,810
That's very high-falutin'
but from a practical...
898
00:59:26,900 --> 00:59:31,257
It is practical, Mr. Baxter.
The most practical idea you ever had.
899
00:59:31,340 --> 00:59:34,650
He belongs in here
because he thinks he has ideas.
900
00:59:34,740 --> 00:59:38,130
He belongs in here
until he proves himself or fails
901
00:59:38,220 --> 00:59:41,929
and then somebody else
until he proves himself or fails
902
00:59:42,020 --> 00:59:44,170
and so on and so on for always.
903
00:59:45,060 --> 00:59:49,019
I don't know how to put it into words
like Jimmy could but...
904
00:59:49,100 --> 00:59:53,651
all he wants, all any of them want,
is a... is a chance to show...
905
00:59:53,740 --> 00:59:57,210
To find out what they've got
while they're still young
906
00:59:57,300 --> 01:00:01,213
and... and burning like
a short cut or a stepping stone.
907
01:00:03,020 --> 01:00:07,172
I know they're not gonna succeed,
at least most of them aren't.
908
01:00:07,260 --> 01:00:10,536
Most of them will be
like Mr. Waterbury soon enough.
909
01:00:10,620 --> 01:00:15,375
But they won't mind it, they'll be happy
because they had their chance.
910
01:00:15,460 --> 01:00:19,453
Because it's one thing
to muff a chance when you get it but...
911
01:00:19,540 --> 01:00:22,612
it's another thing
never to have had a chance.
912
01:00:24,540 --> 01:00:26,849
And his name's already on the door.
913
01:00:28,580 --> 01:00:32,414
Well, if anything decided me
that would be it.
914
01:00:32,500 --> 01:00:35,333
- Oh, Mr. Baxter...
- You've talked enough.
915
01:00:35,420 --> 01:00:40,175
The desks have already been moved
and the name is painted on, as you said.
916
01:00:40,260 --> 01:00:44,856
So we'll try it for a very short time,
at no advance in salary, you understand.
917
01:00:44,940 --> 01:00:47,056
- Yes, sir.
- And for a very short time.
918
01:00:47,140 --> 01:00:51,179
- Yes, sir.
- This is a business, not a cultural project.
919
01:00:51,260 --> 01:00:55,378
- You'll never be sorry.
- I'm sorry already, so let it go at that.
920
01:00:55,460 --> 01:00:58,452
Good night and try to be on time
in the morning.
921
01:00:59,740 --> 01:01:01,970
Oh... pshaw!
922
01:01:04,460 --> 01:01:07,896
- Isn't it wonderful?
- You were wonderful.
923
01:01:07,980 --> 01:01:11,734
- But I'm a bit leery about me.
- Don't talk like a fathead.
924
01:01:11,820 --> 01:01:16,371
This is the chance of a lifetime
and you know you've got what it takes.
925
01:01:16,460 --> 01:01:20,578
I didn't until I got that telegram
and now I don't know any more.
926
01:01:20,660 --> 01:01:23,572
I'm like Mr. Baxter, that's why I didn't speak.
927
01:01:23,660 --> 01:01:27,096
Well, it brought us together
and that's something.
928
01:01:27,180 --> 01:01:31,458
I got the ring to prove it,
and you can't back out now or I'd sue you.
929
01:01:34,300 --> 01:01:36,450
Oh, you poor kid.
930
01:01:38,780 --> 01:01:41,817
You'll see we have plenty to be thankful for.
931
01:01:45,500 --> 01:01:47,456
Sure.
932
01:01:54,740 --> 01:01:58,096
- There's that cat again.
- Hello.
933
01:02:12,260 --> 01:02:14,455
- Good night!
- Good night, Sam.
934
01:02:35,220 --> 01:02:37,370
Look.
Yeah.
935
01:02:37,460 --> 01:02:41,931
- Sure looked funny this afternoon.
- Ah, the old buzzard.
936
01:02:42,020 --> 01:02:45,330
- Were you to a fish fry, Dr. Maxford?
- No, I wasn't.
937
01:02:45,420 --> 01:02:48,935
- Smells like a seven-course banquet.
- I wasn't to a banquet!
938
01:02:49,020 --> 01:02:51,295
- Dr. Maxford!
- What do you want?
939
01:02:51,380 --> 01:02:55,817
I got some good news. It took some doing
but I won those clerks over.
940
01:02:55,900 --> 01:02:59,859
The way I feel, Bildocker,
it just doesn't matter any more.
941
01:02:59,940 --> 01:03:03,137
This is the stupidest, the most asinine...!
942
01:03:03,220 --> 01:03:06,929
- Listen to the slogan!
- I don't wish to hear the slogan!
943
01:03:07,020 --> 01:03:09,739
I don't wish to hear any more
about the whole mess!
944
01:03:09,820 --> 01:03:13,529
Pick your winner, send him a cheque
and tell him to go...
945
01:03:13,620 --> 01:03:16,896
Listen to this, will ya? Is this good!
946
01:03:16,980 --> 01:03:21,895
"If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
947
01:03:21,980 --> 01:03:25,814
Is that a slogan? It's what you call a pun.
Believe me, it's some pun!
948
01:03:25,900 --> 01:03:29,256
We just sent the winner a telegram,
a guy called James MacDon...
949
01:03:39,257 --> 01:03:42,057
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