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1
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This is your main
living space-cum-dining area,
2
00:00:02,808 --> 00:00:06,743
which as you can see,
boasts original period features,
3
00:00:06,808 --> 00:00:11,274
like these distressed wooden beams,
mismatched lighting fixtures...
4
00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:14,452
- It's a bit pokey, innit?
- It is cosy, yes, and flexible,
5
00:00:14,518 --> 00:00:15,995
so you can use it however you want.
6
00:00:16,060 --> 00:00:18,462
- One at a time, probably.
- Yeah, exactly.
7
00:00:18,528 --> 00:00:22,452
- So, through here is your master bedroom.
- Bagsy that one.
8
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,673
The slave doesn't get
the master bedroom, Grumio,
9
00:00:24,739 --> 00:00:27,547
- that goes to the master, famously.
- So where's the slave bedroom?
10
00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:30,228
There's a handy cupboard here, look.
If you can sleep standing up.
11
00:00:30,293 --> 00:00:31,865
What, like a fucking owl?
12
00:00:31,931 --> 00:00:35,270
Stop moaning. We're being evicted,
we can't afford to be fussy.
13
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:37,944
If you're not feeling it, lads,
I can see what else is out there.
14
00:00:38,009 --> 00:00:40,923
But at 350 a week,
this is a terrific option for your budget.
15
00:00:40,989 --> 00:00:43,743
- There's ants in the cupboard.
- The landlord might accept 340.
16
00:00:43,808 --> 00:00:45,743
- Is that mouse shit?
- Or even 335.
17
00:00:45,808 --> 00:00:46,778
Rat!
18
00:00:46,844 --> 00:00:49,134
There's a rat,
there's a great bastard rat in here!
19
00:00:52,172 --> 00:00:54,210
Maybe we can be a bit fussy.
20
00:00:55,177 --> 00:00:59,777
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
21
00:01:10,729 --> 00:01:12,664
Is there any way we can have more time?
22
00:01:12,730 --> 00:01:15,341
Amazingly, it turns out you're not
the worst landlord in Rome.
23
00:01:15,406 --> 00:01:17,890
Thank you, I am touched,
but if you're not out by next week,
24
00:01:17,955 --> 00:01:20,747
- I'll get an earful from Linda.
- Linda? Who's Linda?
25
00:01:20,813 --> 00:01:23,746
Linda. Makes her own honey,
sells it down the farmers' market.
26
00:01:23,812 --> 00:01:27,733
- Oh, yeah, I've enjoyed her samples.
- As have I, in all senses.
27
00:01:27,798 --> 00:01:30,042
And now she's keen to move in with me.
28
00:01:30,108 --> 00:01:31,733
So what's that got to do with us?
29
00:01:31,798 --> 00:01:34,204
Well, I'm slightly less keen,
so we're compromising,
30
00:01:34,270 --> 00:01:37,390
she's moving in upstairs.
As in your place.
31
00:01:37,456 --> 00:01:40,304
So we're being evicted
cos you've got commitment issues?
32
00:01:40,370 --> 00:01:42,686
Pretty much, yeah.
I mean, I'll lend you my storage unit
33
00:01:42,751 --> 00:01:44,279
so you can start moving your crap out.
34
00:01:44,344 --> 00:01:46,733
So what do we do if we can't
find anywhere we want to rent?
35
00:01:46,798 --> 00:01:48,992
I guess find somewhere you want to buy.
36
00:01:49,058 --> 00:01:51,538
That's what I did.
Be lucky.
37
00:01:52,758 --> 00:01:55,955
I mean, he is right, annoyingly,
renting is a mug's game.
38
00:01:56,021 --> 00:01:58,677
Things would be way less shit if
we could get on the property ladder.
39
00:01:58,742 --> 00:02:00,932
Yeah, but we can barely afford
an actual ladder.
40
00:02:00,998 --> 00:02:04,488
I know, but okay, look,
my parents are coming this weekend
41
00:02:04,554 --> 00:02:06,817
and they've got some savings
put aside for a rainy day.
42
00:02:06,882 --> 00:02:09,116
Why would they give them to you?
It's not even raining.
43
00:02:09,181 --> 00:02:12,415
Because they love me.
And because I know how to manipulate them.
44
00:02:12,481 --> 00:02:14,487
Right, and I'll go and see
that estate agent geezer,
45
00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:16,908
see if he's got any new rentals.
Just for when that don't work.
46
00:02:16,973 --> 00:02:18,253
Oh, it'll work, mate.
47
00:02:18,318 --> 00:02:20,111
I'll pull their strings
like a couple of puppets.
48
00:02:20,176 --> 00:02:21,464
Divide and rule.
49
00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:24,733
And if it doesn't, I'll just throw
one of my mega tantrums.
50
00:02:24,798 --> 00:02:28,238
That'll make for a cracking weekend.
Can't bloody wait.
51
00:02:31,328 --> 00:02:34,842
This one just in.
Modern conversion, on at 300 a week.
52
00:02:34,908 --> 00:02:38,733
- I like the arty red walls.
- I know. Funky, right?
53
00:02:38,798 --> 00:02:40,883
I should say, it did used to be an abattoir.
54
00:02:40,948 --> 00:02:43,118
Okay, I've stopped liking them now.
What else you got?
55
00:02:43,184 --> 00:02:46,840
Try this one. Historic stone
building, bit of a fixer-upper.
56
00:02:46,906 --> 00:02:49,328
Amazing skylight, 360-degree views.
57
00:02:49,394 --> 00:02:50,899
Is this a ruin?
58
00:02:50,965 --> 00:02:53,025
Technically, it is.
Were you looking for more...
59
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,962
Walls and a roof, yeah.
Come on, mate, help me out.
60
00:02:56,028 --> 00:02:59,256
Surely you've got a few plush pads
tucked away in your back pouch.
61
00:02:59,322 --> 00:03:01,654
- I do have more sought-after properties.
- Nice.
62
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,692
For more sought-after clients, though.
63
00:03:03,758 --> 00:03:06,214
Landlords are looking for
professional couples these days.
64
00:03:06,279 --> 00:03:08,597
We're professional.
Me and Marcus are well profesh.
65
00:03:08,663 --> 00:03:11,526
And we can pretend to be a couple.
Within reason. Kissing's fine.
66
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:14,288
They don't want slaves either.
Lowers the tone, apparently.
67
00:03:14,354 --> 00:03:16,253
Grumio's not a slave, he's basically a dog.
68
00:03:16,318 --> 00:03:18,839
- Or dogs.
- Not a dog, then, like a hamster.
69
00:03:19,346 --> 00:03:22,249
Nice try.
You're a bit of a smooth talker, aren't you?
70
00:03:22,315 --> 00:03:24,933
Hey, I'm smooth all over,
you should feel my tush.
71
00:03:24,999 --> 00:03:27,329
Have you ever considered
becoming an estate agent?
72
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,369
Journey was a nightmare,
stuck in traffic the whole way.
73
00:03:33,435 --> 00:03:35,368
Only because he refused
to pay for the toll road.
74
00:03:35,433 --> 00:03:37,550
I am not shelling out on a road, Sylvia,
75
00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:39,142
I don't care how straight it is.
76
00:03:39,208 --> 00:03:41,652
Quite right, Dad, you keep the money
for important stuff.
77
00:03:41,717 --> 00:03:44,267
Like taking you out for dinner,
if there's anywhere you've...
78
00:03:44,332 --> 00:03:46,516
- All-you-can-eat Chinese.
- Great, do we need to book or...
79
00:03:46,581 --> 00:03:48,733
- Already done it.
- That would be such a blessing,
80
00:03:48,798 --> 00:03:51,733
we've not been able to eat properly
for a while now. Money wise...
81
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,733
And we're gonna see this wine bar
of yours as well.
82
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:56,478
- Course, Mum. Costs of living...
- And I'm gonna buy a boat.
83
00:03:56,544 --> 00:03:58,410
Sorry, what?
A boat?
84
00:03:58,476 --> 00:04:01,168
Yep, there's one in town
I've got my beady little eye on.
85
00:04:01,234 --> 00:04:02,823
Yeah, he's blowing our savings on it.
86
00:04:02,888 --> 00:04:07,292
- Not all of your savings, surely?
- Well, it's a bloody big boat.
87
00:04:13,608 --> 00:04:17,600
It's a gaff-rigged, two-berth,
lapstrake frigate.
88
00:04:17,666 --> 00:04:20,463
I don't want any of that means,
Lepi, but it sounds wicked.
89
00:04:20,529 --> 00:04:22,237
Sounds more like a midlife crisis to me.
90
00:04:22,302 --> 00:04:24,308
- I think it's incredible.
- Thank you, Marcus.
91
00:04:24,373 --> 00:04:27,297
Incredible that your generation
can enjoy the luxuries
92
00:04:27,363 --> 00:04:30,772
of gaff-rigged pleasure cruises
while mine scrabbles around to survive.
93
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,861
Scrabbles?
You're not scrabbling, are you?
94
00:04:32,927 --> 00:04:35,836
- Course he's not scrabbling.
- I am, actually. I am scrabbling.
95
00:04:35,902 --> 00:04:38,495
- We're being evicted this week.
- No, what have you done now?
96
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,470
I committed the crime
of being young in Rome.
97
00:04:41,536 --> 00:04:44,387
We're putting our stuff into storage
and then we're out on the streets.
98
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,387
- You're gonna be homeless?
- Yep.
99
00:04:46,522 --> 00:04:49,458
Sort of.
I mean, not literally on the street, no,
100
00:04:49,524 --> 00:04:51,733
but we will have to move
to a slightly worse area
101
00:04:51,798 --> 00:04:55,308
- and a significantly smaller flat.
- So? A lot easier to clean.
102
00:04:55,374 --> 00:04:58,506
And we'll still be at the mercy
of violent bloodsucking landlords.
103
00:04:58,572 --> 00:05:00,858
I honestly don't know
how I'm going to cope, Mum.
104
00:05:00,924 --> 00:05:03,351
Marcus, you poor little love.
105
00:05:03,417 --> 00:05:05,302
Well, you could always come home with us.
106
00:05:05,368 --> 00:05:07,509
Yeah, no, I meant,
I don't know how I'm gonna cope
107
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,296
whilst staying in the city.
108
00:05:09,362 --> 00:05:13,229
I guess, maybe, is this a crazy idea?
109
00:05:13,709 --> 00:05:16,035
- What, what is it?
- He wants you to buy him a flat.
110
00:05:16,101 --> 00:05:17,676
Or house.
Depending on the budget.
111
00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:20,073
You're a hoot, you are, son.
112
00:05:20,139 --> 00:05:21,675
Buy you a flat?
113
00:05:21,741 --> 00:05:24,461
Rent is not that bad, you drama queen.
114
00:05:24,734 --> 00:05:27,030
Now...
I need a drink.
115
00:05:27,233 --> 00:05:30,592
Let's see this swanky wine bar that you own.
116
00:05:33,485 --> 00:05:36,985
Everyone, meet Jason, the newest
member of our lettings team.
117
00:05:37,110 --> 00:05:39,978
Can we have the keys to
20 Arcadia Villas, please, Verity?
118
00:05:40,044 --> 00:05:42,120
- Yes, of course.
- Right, am I starting right away?
119
00:05:42,185 --> 00:05:43,413
Do I not need training?
120
00:05:43,478 --> 00:05:45,532
Can you unlock a door
and lead people through it?
121
00:05:45,597 --> 00:05:47,733
- I think so.
- Then you're good to go.
122
00:05:47,798 --> 00:05:51,220
Sweet! Oh, can I ask,
do I get a free flat with the job?
123
00:05:51,286 --> 00:05:54,363
It's just that when I worked at the wine bar,
I got free wine, so...
124
00:05:55,065 --> 00:05:56,871
No, you don't get a free flat.
125
00:05:56,937 --> 00:05:59,450
But use that smooth tongue of yours
and rack up commissions,
126
00:05:59,515 --> 00:06:02,696
you'll soon be able to afford
an extremely sick pad.
127
00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:05,162
He'll need a clipboard.
128
00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:08,860
- And the hair gel too, please, Verity.
- Oh, yes.
129
00:06:13,512 --> 00:06:16,388
You see? It's really not swanky at all,
it's more of a dive.
130
00:06:16,454 --> 00:06:19,459
- Looks like a perfectly good bar to me.
- What a fascinating smell.
131
00:06:19,525 --> 00:06:20,733
It used to be a toilet.
132
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:23,881
Still is, basically.
Hence why we hardly ever get any customers.
133
00:06:23,947 --> 00:06:26,733
Welcome.
Care for a glass of vino, Mr Gallo?
134
00:06:26,798 --> 00:06:28,530
- Oh, yes.
- And one for you, madam?
135
00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:30,840
Sorry, are you Marcus's mother or sister?
136
00:06:30,906 --> 00:06:32,698
Oh!
Silly.
137
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,288
What charming staff you have, Marcus.
138
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:36,733
Ah, mums love me.
139
00:06:36,798 --> 00:06:40,141
- You must be so proud of how well he's doing.
- We are.
140
00:06:40,207 --> 00:06:42,614
Well, you shouldn't be,
cos I'm not doing well at all.
141
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,491
You should be ashamed and-or concerned.
142
00:06:44,565 --> 00:06:46,997
To Marcus.
And his cushy life.
143
00:06:47,063 --> 00:06:48,798
To Marcus.
144
00:06:49,938 --> 00:06:51,823
That's coming out of your wages.
145
00:06:53,963 --> 00:06:56,828
- You want me to do what, sorry?
- Beat me up, lightly.
146
00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:59,238
- Right. Come on, then.
- Wait, not now, though.
147
00:06:59,304 --> 00:07:02,983
Later, in front of my parents.
And say I owe you rent.
148
00:07:03,049 --> 00:07:04,788
Yeah, but for once, you don't owe me rent.
149
00:07:04,853 --> 00:07:06,599
So, okay, lie.
150
00:07:06,665 --> 00:07:09,806
That shouldn't be too difficult for you,
and then hit me. A bit.
151
00:07:09,872 --> 00:07:11,093
Not in the face, ideally.
152
00:07:11,158 --> 00:07:13,092
See, that was the main draw for me, though.
153
00:07:13,158 --> 00:07:16,666
Okay, well, a little in the face,
and maybe two in the gut.
154
00:07:16,732 --> 00:07:19,132
Two in the face, one in the gut,
and you've got a deal.
155
00:07:19,396 --> 00:07:21,209
- All right, fine.
- Lovely.
156
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,635
And thanks so much
for thinking of me for this.
157
00:07:28,196 --> 00:07:31,733
Oh, I can't wait.
You and me out on the open sea,
158
00:07:31,798 --> 00:07:34,733
dolphins razzing by, no-one asking me
159
00:07:34,798 --> 00:07:37,890
why I've not put up those shelves
or taken the bins out.
160
00:07:37,956 --> 00:07:41,066
No-one telling me
to stop eating nuts or guffing.
161
00:07:41,132 --> 00:07:44,409
That's what ships are for,
every deck can be the poop deck.
162
00:07:44,475 --> 00:07:48,733
Oh, you guff away, Grumio.
Or should I say, "first mate"?
163
00:07:48,798 --> 00:07:50,058
Aye, aye, Captain.
164
00:07:51,273 --> 00:07:53,219
We're gonna make a hell of a team.
165
00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:55,798
I am now stuck, by the way.
166
00:07:58,364 --> 00:07:59,963
Yeah, it's a cracking property.
167
00:08:00,029 --> 00:08:04,328
It's got all the walls, floors and that.
Doors.
168
00:08:05,073 --> 00:08:08,093
Very soft bed, and dry, crucially.
169
00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:10,650
Lovely view here.
Look.
170
00:08:11,176 --> 00:08:13,111
And that does come with the flat.
171
00:08:13,177 --> 00:08:16,112
Two bedrooms, so an extra room
to put all your crap in.
172
00:08:16,178 --> 00:08:18,676
Or put a baby in.
If you decide to have kids.
173
00:08:18,742 --> 00:08:21,132
I mean, you're both so hot,
it'd be rude not to.
174
00:08:23,411 --> 00:08:26,373
And there's no restriction
on the all-you-can-eat element?
175
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:29,399
No, no, they don't fuck about
like that, the Chinese.
176
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:32,054
Where you going?
It's down this way, I can smell it.
177
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,479
This is a shortcut.
178
00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:35,464
Come on.
179
00:08:35,498 --> 00:08:37,423
There you are, you jizz hound.
180
00:08:37,489 --> 00:08:39,630
- Oh, no, please.
- Marcus, what's going on?
181
00:08:39,696 --> 00:08:41,653
You owe me rent.
Where is it?
182
00:08:41,719 --> 00:08:43,343
Bloody hell.
Calm down, landlord.
183
00:08:43,409 --> 00:08:45,548
- I don't have it, I'm sorry.
- You will be...
184
00:08:45,614 --> 00:08:48,347
Let go of my son.
Or I will fucking kill you!
185
00:08:48,626 --> 00:08:50,384
Is that a blade?
Has your mum got a blade?
186
00:08:50,449 --> 00:08:53,189
- Yeah, Mum, put the knife down.
- Let him go, right now!
187
00:08:53,766 --> 00:08:56,072
Easy, darling, I was just messing.
188
00:08:56,138 --> 00:08:57,948
He told me to do it.
189
00:08:58,198 --> 00:09:00,300
I didn't sign up for this, Marcus.
190
00:09:00,394 --> 00:09:03,793
Sorry, Mrs G.
I hope you enjoy your visit.
191
00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:05,060
Thank you.
192
00:09:07,122 --> 00:09:09,217
So that's why you brought us this way?
193
00:09:09,283 --> 00:09:11,579
You shady, shady bastard.
194
00:09:12,555 --> 00:09:13,811
Dinner, then?
195
00:09:20,158 --> 00:09:22,105
But, yeah, it is a banger, this one.
196
00:09:22,184 --> 00:09:24,433
Available now.
Vacant.
197
00:09:24,499 --> 00:09:28,465
Has been for three months.
Imagine that.
198
00:09:28,571 --> 00:09:32,205
Sweet pad like this, just sat here, empty.
199
00:09:46,492 --> 00:09:50,468
- Sorry, that was bad of me.
- Yes, it was.
200
00:09:50,534 --> 00:09:53,783
- You should be ashamed of yourself.
- Well, you can talk, you ran away.
201
00:09:53,849 --> 00:09:56,814
- No, I was looking for help.
- What, behind a cart?
202
00:09:56,880 --> 00:10:00,843
And if I'd known you were carrying a sword in
your handbag, Sylvia, I would've stayed put.
203
00:10:00,909 --> 00:10:03,398
Well, someone has to be ready
to protect our family.
204
00:10:03,464 --> 00:10:05,207
Only from people Marcus has hired.
205
00:10:05,273 --> 00:10:08,032
Yes, thank you, Grumio,
shut up and eat your spring rolls.
206
00:10:08,098 --> 00:10:10,027
And I only did that because I'm desperate.
207
00:10:10,093 --> 00:10:11,524
In what way are you desperate?
208
00:10:11,590 --> 00:10:15,654
I'm desperate to get on the property ladder
so I can stop throwing money away on rent.
209
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,542
- Oh, it's a sort of desperation.
- But I can't do that
210
00:10:18,608 --> 00:10:22,009
because you're spunking all our savings
on some floating penis extension.
211
00:10:22,075 --> 00:10:23,470
What do you mean, "our savings"?
212
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,733
He's done 40 years hard graft
on the farm, mate,
213
00:10:25,798 --> 00:10:29,089
- if he wants a penis boat, let him have one.
- It's not hard graft!
214
00:10:29,155 --> 00:10:31,424
He's mainly sitting around
waiting for plants to grow.
215
00:10:31,489 --> 00:10:33,971
He's right.
The money should go to Marcus.
216
00:10:34,037 --> 00:10:36,733
- Thanks, Mum. You're the best.
- No! No way.
217
00:10:36,798 --> 00:10:39,269
I am sick to death of you
putting yourself first, Lepidus.
218
00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:40,952
Why are you always taking his side?
219
00:10:41,018 --> 00:10:42,601
- He's manipulating you.
- I am not.
220
00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:44,447
- He is not.
- Mum and I just have a special bond,
221
00:10:44,512 --> 00:10:47,699
- and you don't understand.
- Exactly, he's my baby boy, Lepidus.
222
00:10:47,765 --> 00:10:50,961
And I say he needs his own flat
more than you need your dinghy.
223
00:10:51,027 --> 00:10:53,733
It's a gaff-rigged two-berth
lapstrake frigate!
224
00:10:53,798 --> 00:10:56,147
And if I can't have it, Sylvia,
by Jove, it's over!
225
00:10:57,013 --> 00:10:58,591
Well, then, I guess it's over.
226
00:10:58,657 --> 00:11:00,526
- Well, hang on.
- Fine. Come on, Grumio.
227
00:11:00,592 --> 00:11:03,142
We're not leaving now, are we?
I'm only on my third plate.
228
00:11:03,208 --> 00:11:04,998
No, we're just moving tables.
229
00:11:22,227 --> 00:11:24,162
Sorry, you're an estate agent now?
230
00:11:24,227 --> 00:11:26,234
That wasn't quite the plan
when you set off yesterday.
231
00:11:26,299 --> 00:11:29,953
I know! It's my dream job.
I mooch around a sweet pad chatting shit,
232
00:11:30,019 --> 00:11:32,162
and at the end of the day
I get to sleep in it.
233
00:11:32,568 --> 00:11:35,162
You get to sleep in it
or you illegally sleep in it?
234
00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:36,434
Yeah, that one.
235
00:11:36,723 --> 00:11:38,777
I could ask Magnus if he's
got a job going for you.
236
00:11:38,842 --> 00:11:41,715
No need.
My parents are buying me a flat.
237
00:11:41,781 --> 00:11:44,395
Nice!
The old "divide and rule" worked, then?
238
00:11:44,461 --> 00:11:48,162
It worked. A bit too well, if anything.
They kind of split up.
239
00:11:48,227 --> 00:11:50,164
Oh, shit.
That sucks.
240
00:11:50,230 --> 00:11:52,387
Yeah, but I do get my own flat,
241
00:11:52,453 --> 00:11:55,051
so on balance
I think it's probably worth it.
242
00:11:55,117 --> 00:11:58,375
Speaking as an estate agent,
I can assure you it is.
243
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:08,162
- Morning, Grumio.
- All right, Lepi.
244
00:12:08,501 --> 00:12:10,703
Turns out I can sleep standing up after all.
245
00:12:10,769 --> 00:12:12,874
- Did you manage to get some shut-eye?
- Just about.
246
00:12:12,939 --> 00:12:15,162
Used a sack of onions for a pillow.
247
00:12:15,227 --> 00:12:18,106
I dreamt I was sailing on my boat.
248
00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:21,162
Then I woke up and remembered
some little bastard had sunk it.
249
00:12:21,227 --> 00:12:23,850
I'm sorry your son's such a massive bellend.
250
00:12:23,916 --> 00:12:25,120
To be honest, Grumio,
251
00:12:25,186 --> 00:12:28,145
I think I was just trying to put
miles of water between me and Sylvia.
252
00:12:28,210 --> 00:12:29,635
Finally get some peace.
253
00:12:29,701 --> 00:12:32,711
- Now we've split up, I can get that anyway.
- Totally.
254
00:12:32,777 --> 00:12:35,015
I'm mainly pumped about shaking off Marcus.
255
00:12:35,081 --> 00:12:37,978
I mean, he'll never let me
eat raw onions, for example.
256
00:12:38,044 --> 00:12:40,042
Well, there you go.
257
00:12:40,108 --> 00:12:42,430
We can do what we want now, son,
boat or no boat.
258
00:12:42,496 --> 00:12:45,070
I can leave my clothes lying around,
drink before noon,
259
00:12:45,136 --> 00:12:46,972
pick the dead skin off my feet.
260
00:12:47,379 --> 00:12:50,227
- All the fun stuff.
- Cheers to that.
261
00:12:53,688 --> 00:12:55,023
Tangy.
262
00:12:58,926 --> 00:13:01,948
- Morning, all.
- Ah, here he is!
263
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:05,906
All hail King Jason!
Do the honours, Verity.
264
00:13:05,972 --> 00:13:08,331
Oh, cool! Thanks.
265
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,161
And why am I king, please?
266
00:13:10,227 --> 00:13:13,010
It's just a little thing we do
when someone rents their first flat.
267
00:13:13,075 --> 00:13:15,684
A couple came in just now
and took Arcadia Villas!
268
00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:18,598
Oh, no way?
Wicked.
269
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:20,897
- I'm so pleased...
- They said you were great.
270
00:13:20,963 --> 00:13:24,903
You'll be surprised to hear that praise for
an estate agent is actually pretty rare.
271
00:13:25,107 --> 00:13:27,858
- So, I can't go back there?
- Not unless you're moving in with them.
272
00:13:27,923 --> 00:13:29,647
So, hand over those keys.
273
00:13:29,713 --> 00:13:31,852
But I mean, where do I go now?
274
00:13:31,918 --> 00:13:34,729
You go to a new property and rent that out.
That's how the job works.
275
00:13:34,794 --> 00:13:39,162
Okay, fine. So, actually,
can I try a swankier pad this time?
276
00:13:39,227 --> 00:13:40,522
You know, for the challenge.
277
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:42,873
Ambitious, love it.
Course you can.
278
00:13:42,939 --> 00:13:46,081
Maybe with a wet room and a balcony.
South-facing, ideally.
279
00:13:46,147 --> 00:13:48,202
You take your pick.
I've got to run to a viewing.
280
00:13:48,267 --> 00:13:52,328
Verity, show Jason the luxury range.
281
00:13:57,227 --> 00:14:00,842
Now, this is more like it.
And with fewer rodents, I notice.
282
00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:02,643
Well, your budget's a lot healthier.
283
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,779
I mean, you can afford to buy,
for one thing.
284
00:14:04,868 --> 00:14:07,807
Mum came to the rescue.
She's the best.
285
00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:10,015
Good old bank of mum and dad.
286
00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:12,403
Well, the money did come from us,
yes, but me and his dad
287
00:14:12,468 --> 00:14:16,107
- are actually in the process of separating.
- He doesn't need to know that.
288
00:14:16,173 --> 00:14:19,077
- Good size second bedroom through here.
- Great.
289
00:14:19,143 --> 00:14:21,750
Grumio can finally wallow
in his own den of filth.
290
00:14:21,816 --> 00:14:24,548
Or he can keep wallowing with you
and someone else could live here.
291
00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,022
What, like a lodger?
292
00:14:26,088 --> 00:14:29,460
- More like a mother.
- Right. Really?
293
00:14:29,526 --> 00:14:31,273
But don't you already live somewhere?
294
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,977
I can't go back to the farm
now I've ditched that selfish git.
295
00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:35,653
And I'm young enough to start again.
296
00:14:35,719 --> 00:14:38,162
Well, that's debatable, but even so,
297
00:14:38,227 --> 00:14:40,492
would you have to start again
quite so close to me?
298
00:14:40,558 --> 00:14:42,688
Where else would I be than with my baby boy?
299
00:14:42,754 --> 00:14:45,181
You said it yourself,
we've got a special bond.
300
00:14:45,604 --> 00:14:47,162
Yeah, of course we do.
301
00:14:47,227 --> 00:14:48,491
It'll be heavenly.
302
00:14:48,557 --> 00:14:51,396
We can eat our meals together,
have a snuggle on the sofa.
303
00:14:51,462 --> 00:14:52,683
Go out on double dates.
304
00:14:52,749 --> 00:14:56,007
Heavenly indeed. I've got the
paperwork here if you want to sign.
305
00:14:56,073 --> 00:14:59,073
No, let's not with the paperwork quite yet.
306
00:15:08,612 --> 00:15:10,162
You should buy the boat!
307
00:15:10,691 --> 00:15:12,626
Look who's come to poop on the party.
308
00:15:12,692 --> 00:15:14,733
I don't want a flat any more.
You should get back with mum
309
00:15:14,798 --> 00:15:16,295
and buy your frigging great frigate.
310
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:17,560
You've changed your tune.
311
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,627
I searched my heart and saw that
your needs were greater than mine.
312
00:15:20,692 --> 00:15:22,627
- Horse shit.
- All right, fine.
313
00:15:22,692 --> 00:15:25,004
Mum wants to move in with me
and snuggle on the sofa.
314
00:15:25,223 --> 00:15:27,961
Sounds cosy.
Careful she doesn't smother you to death.
315
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:30,554
So you'll do it?
Patch things up and take her home.
316
00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:32,966
- No way, I'm living the dream here.
- What,
317
00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:36,881
- drinking cherry wine in a storage unit?
- And eating onions.
318
00:15:36,947 --> 00:15:40,443
Enjoying our time upon the good ship
Do As We Please.
319
00:15:40,509 --> 00:15:43,778
- Which is technically a storage unit, yes.
- Come on, Dad.
320
00:15:43,844 --> 00:15:46,972
Don't throw 30 years of marriage overboard.
Go and fight for her!
321
00:15:47,038 --> 00:15:50,031
Fight for her? I'm a selfish coward,
Marcus, haven't you heard?
322
00:15:50,097 --> 00:15:52,038
I've moved on, mate.
I'm over her.
323
00:15:52,065 --> 00:15:55,187
But what about me? Can't you stay
together for the sake of the child?
324
00:15:55,253 --> 00:15:58,370
You've made your bed, son,
now you've got to lie in it.
325
00:15:58,436 --> 00:16:00,377
With your mother.
326
00:16:08,345 --> 00:16:10,606
It is spacious.
Very airy.
327
00:16:10,672 --> 00:16:13,127
It's a lovely gaff, it really is.
328
00:16:13,193 --> 00:16:17,128
Nicely kitted out. I mean, on first
viewings you can't even tell.
329
00:16:17,819 --> 00:16:19,463
- Tell what?
- Sorry?
330
00:16:19,529 --> 00:16:22,838
You said on first viewing
you can't even tell.
331
00:16:22,904 --> 00:16:25,231
- Did I?
- Yes. You definitely did.
332
00:16:25,297 --> 00:16:28,657
Well, I shouldn't have, all right?
Cos I work on commission, you see. So...
333
00:16:29,265 --> 00:16:30,510
Naughty.
334
00:16:31,403 --> 00:16:34,128
I mean, we are now gonna need
to know what you mean by that.
335
00:16:34,612 --> 00:16:36,057
Okay, fine.
336
00:16:36,205 --> 00:16:39,730
Someone died here.
Quite horribly and mysteriously.
337
00:16:39,796 --> 00:16:44,238
So everyone that moves in is like,
"It's haunted and creepy!"
338
00:16:44,465 --> 00:16:46,215
It's probably bollocks, though.
339
00:16:46,845 --> 00:16:48,579
Should we go and see the cellar?
340
00:16:51,357 --> 00:16:52,765
- Yes, good...
- Come on.
341
00:16:56,528 --> 00:16:58,531
It's called an Aurelius special.
342
00:16:58,596 --> 00:17:00,561
Gosh, it's very strong.
343
00:17:00,627 --> 00:17:04,621
Sorry, Mum, I have to work late now
my head barman is an estate agent
344
00:17:04,687 --> 00:17:06,764
so I can't go curtain shopping with you.
345
00:17:06,830 --> 00:17:09,312
Don't worry, darling.
Aurelius is taking me out
346
00:17:09,378 --> 00:17:10,842
once he's finished his shift.
347
00:17:10,908 --> 00:17:14,847
Great, thanks, Aurelius.
Hang on, sorry, taking you out on a date?
348
00:17:14,913 --> 00:17:16,720
Well, I wasn't so bold as to specify.
349
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,903
- We'll just play it by ear.
- No, we won't.
350
00:17:18,969 --> 00:17:21,257
We won't play it
by any part of the body, thank you.
351
00:17:21,323 --> 00:17:25,250
Excuse me, I am single for the
first time in over 30 years, Marcus,
352
00:17:25,316 --> 00:17:27,284
and I intend to make the most of it.
353
00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:30,192
That is not making the most of it!
He is the absolute least.
354
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:33,444
You cannot tell me who I may
or may not step out with, Marcus.
355
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,112
You are not the boss of me.
356
00:17:35,135 --> 00:17:36,759
Right, well, I am the boss of you,
357
00:17:36,841 --> 00:17:39,759
so step out with my mum and you are fired.
358
00:17:40,235 --> 00:17:43,351
No, I'm not. It's illegal to dismiss
someone for their sexual preferences.
359
00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:45,960
- What sexual preferences?
- Well, for yummy mummies.
360
00:17:46,026 --> 00:17:48,661
Aw, you think I'm a yummy mummy?
361
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:52,078
- I think you're an absolutely scrummy mummy.
- Fuck's sake!
362
00:17:52,979 --> 00:17:55,024
Stay here where I can keep
an eye on you, then.
363
00:17:56,955 --> 00:17:58,260
Cheers.
364
00:18:00,797 --> 00:18:03,750
If this isn't living, I don't know what is.
365
00:18:06,512 --> 00:18:09,070
- Salve, Grumio.
- All right, landlord.
366
00:18:09,136 --> 00:18:12,205
- What's going on here, then?
- We put ourselves into storage.
367
00:18:12,271 --> 00:18:14,750
Right, well, I don't want
to evict you for a second time,
368
00:18:14,815 --> 00:18:16,847
but Linda's now set for the move.
369
00:18:16,913 --> 00:18:19,375
And her honey-making gubbins needs storing.
370
00:18:19,441 --> 00:18:21,818
That's all right.
We can cope with some gubbins, can't we?
371
00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:23,537
Absolutely.
We're very adaptable.
372
00:18:24,049 --> 00:18:25,644
Suit yourselves.
373
00:18:59,135 --> 00:19:02,909
Underfloor heating throughout,
his and hers vanity unit,
374
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,110
plunge pool through here...
375
00:19:05,684 --> 00:19:09,539
- Hey, Magnus! What are you doing here?
- Conducting a viewing.
376
00:19:09,605 --> 00:19:12,200
I wanted you to do it,
but you never came back to the office.
377
00:19:12,265 --> 00:19:14,383
How come you're here?
And wet?
378
00:19:14,449 --> 00:19:16,871
I'm also conducting a viewing.
379
00:19:16,937 --> 00:19:19,249
I was just demonstrating
the plunge pool to my...
380
00:19:19,795 --> 00:19:21,069
Where have my clients gone?
381
00:19:21,135 --> 00:19:23,858
- Must have just left. Weird.
- That is weird.
382
00:19:23,924 --> 00:19:27,510
Weird, I didn't see them when I came in.
I did see some others, though,
383
00:19:27,576 --> 00:19:30,234
who said you told them
the place was haunted. It isn't.
384
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:32,952
Well, it might be.
Just cos it's not in our brochure...
385
00:19:33,018 --> 00:19:35,534
- Are you living here, Jason?
- No. Not yet, anyway.
386
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,183
- Tonight'll be my first night.
- No, it won't. You're fired.
387
00:19:38,248 --> 00:19:41,116
Hand over your keys and get out.
Right now.
388
00:19:41,728 --> 00:19:45,442
Yeah, sure.
Just give me 20 mins to pack up my shit.
389
00:19:45,735 --> 00:19:47,735
Sorry.
Excuse me.
390
00:19:57,949 --> 00:20:01,231
This morning I was King Jason.
Now I'm homeless Jason.
391
00:20:01,297 --> 00:20:04,748
Well, you can always crash at my place
where I live with my mother.
392
00:20:04,814 --> 00:20:07,188
And possibly Aurelius,
depending on how tonight goes.
393
00:20:07,254 --> 00:20:08,671
How did it come to this?
394
00:20:08,737 --> 00:20:12,547
Evening, traitor.
Quick glass of wine for the road, please.
395
00:20:12,613 --> 00:20:14,663
You're leaving?
What happened to the storage unit?
396
00:20:14,728 --> 00:20:18,447
It's full of bees. We're headed back
to the farm. Live in peace up there.
397
00:20:18,813 --> 00:20:20,933
Tell the old girl we said goodbye,
won't you?
398
00:20:20,999 --> 00:20:22,863
Tell her yourself.
She's just over there.
399
00:20:23,416 --> 00:20:25,401
What's she doing with your noncy barman?
400
00:20:25,467 --> 00:20:27,521
I think they're on a date, actually.
401
00:20:27,587 --> 00:20:29,786
A date?
We only split up yesterday!
402
00:20:29,852 --> 00:20:31,752
What do you care?
I thought you'd moved on.
403
00:20:31,818 --> 00:20:33,445
I know.
I have.
404
00:20:35,563 --> 00:20:36,926
I haven't!
405
00:20:37,825 --> 00:20:39,588
Get your sticky hands off her!
406
00:20:39,654 --> 00:20:41,355
Lepidus, what are you doing here?
407
00:20:41,421 --> 00:20:44,136
Now, sir, she's a single woman,
she can do whatever...
408
00:20:44,863 --> 00:20:47,450
No, please!
Don't fight over me.
409
00:20:47,516 --> 00:20:49,143
Come on, Sylvia.
410
00:20:49,209 --> 00:20:51,594
Let's continue our evening
away from this angry farmer.
411
00:20:51,659 --> 00:20:54,380
Stop touching my wife!
412
00:20:55,293 --> 00:20:57,556
Holy fuck, he stabbed me!
413
00:20:57,622 --> 00:20:58,833
Dad, that's insane!
414
00:20:58,899 --> 00:21:01,087
Yes, love it.
Stab him again, Lepi!
415
00:21:01,153 --> 00:21:03,037
I've been a selfish old fool.
416
00:21:03,103 --> 00:21:05,541
Oh, Lepidus, I've been so hard on you.
417
00:21:06,076 --> 00:21:08,791
Don't ever change.
I'm lost without you, Sylv'.
418
00:21:09,384 --> 00:21:10,936
No, no, leave it...
419
00:21:26,023 --> 00:21:27,783
- So we can stay?
- Yeah.
420
00:21:27,861 --> 00:21:31,595
Linda went right off the area after
she witnessed that brutal stabbing.
421
00:21:32,169 --> 00:21:33,448
Sorry about that.
422
00:21:33,728 --> 00:21:36,459
You bailed me out.
Things were moving too fast for me anyway.
423
00:21:36,525 --> 00:21:38,088
So your pops did us all a favour.
424
00:21:38,154 --> 00:21:40,666
Oh, yeah.
Apart from Aurelius.
425
00:21:43,728 --> 00:21:46,367
I'm just chuffed them two are back together.
426
00:21:47,452 --> 00:21:49,663
I think I'll sleep in here tonight.
427
00:21:51,626 --> 00:21:56,226
Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
36346
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