Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:04,234
( theme music playing )
2
00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:20,868
Here it is.
Here it is.
3
00:01:20,901 --> 00:01:22,367
What? What?
4
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:26,067
"Charles Darwin Tonight,
starring Bobby Wheeler."
5
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:27,834
We made enough money in
the first two weeks
6
00:01:27,868 --> 00:01:29,434
of the show to run
an ad in the paper.
7
00:01:29,467 --> 00:01:30,734
Ooh! Let me see!
8
00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:33,667
"A one-man show based on the
life of Charles Darwin."
9
00:01:33,701 --> 00:01:36,901
When I first read the script,
I said to myself,
10
00:01:36,934 --> 00:01:39,400
"There's something
about this play
11
00:01:39,434 --> 00:01:41,033
that I would go see."
12
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:42,200
What?
13
00:01:42,234 --> 00:01:45,767
Me, alone on stage
for 90 minutes.
14
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:47,534
LOUIE:
90 minutes?!
15
00:01:47,567 --> 00:01:49,634
I didn't know ham
could keep that long
16
00:01:49,667 --> 00:01:51,534
under hot lights.
17
00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:54,734
Food's here, guys.
Hey, hey!
18
00:01:54,767 --> 00:01:55,734
Great!
We're starving!
19
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:56,734
All right!
20
00:01:56,767 --> 00:01:57,901
I could use some
of that stuff.
21
00:01:57,934 --> 00:01:59,234
Yeah.
Hey, you know what?
22
00:01:59,267 --> 00:02:00,400
What?
23
00:02:00,434 --> 00:02:01,634
They gave us
extra contest coupons.
24
00:02:01,667 --> 00:02:03,200
What contest is that?
BOBBY:
Hey!
25
00:02:03,234 --> 00:02:05,567
Oh, they give you a coupon
with every purchase.
26
00:02:05,601 --> 00:02:06,901
If you get two coupons
that match,
27
00:02:06,934 --> 00:02:08,501
you get the prize
that's in 'em.
28
00:02:08,534 --> 00:02:10,601
Come on, tell me something.
29
00:02:10,634 --> 00:02:12,234
Have you ever met,
or do you know, anybody
30
00:02:12,267 --> 00:02:14,701
who's ever won one
of those contests?
31
00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:15,701
I do.
32
00:02:15,734 --> 00:02:16,734
Who?
33
00:02:16,767 --> 00:02:18,701
Me. I have won.
34
00:02:18,734 --> 00:02:19,701
I have a match.
35
00:02:19,734 --> 00:02:21,834
( all cheering )
36
00:02:21,868 --> 00:02:23,868
I won a complete
men's wardrobe.
37
00:02:23,901 --> 00:02:25,367
Hey, congratulations, Latka.
38
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,534
Ooh! Is that the first time
you've ever won anything?
39
00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:31,267
No. Once, in my country,
one year,
40
00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:33,868
I won the prize in the lottery.
41
00:02:33,901 --> 00:02:35,801
Oh, yeah? What'd you win--
money, Latka?
42
00:02:35,834 --> 00:02:38,100
No, no. A fly swatter.
43
00:02:39,334 --> 00:02:40,367
That's some lottery.
44
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,467
That doesn't sound
like much of a prize, Latka.
45
00:02:42,501 --> 00:02:46,234
No, he was a good worker
and a very nice man.
46
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:49,100
Anyway, I got to go...
47
00:02:49,133 --> 00:02:52,234
I got to go and pick
up my new threads.
48
00:02:52,267 --> 00:02:53,734
See you, Latka.
49
00:02:53,767 --> 00:02:56,167
( mutters ):
I don't believe this.
50
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,501
Did anybody happen to read
John Bowman's review
51
00:02:58,534 --> 00:03:00,834
on Anouilh's
Thieves' Carnival
52
00:03:00,868 --> 00:03:02,534
in this morning's paper?
53
00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:04,834
No, I didn't.
54
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:11,300
Did you read the story...
about the woman...
55
00:03:11,334 --> 00:03:16,000
who got her cat's head
stuck in her mouth?
56
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:22,801
No, Jim, I missed
that one.
57
00:03:22,834 --> 00:03:24,501
Well...
58
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:27,534
( clears throat )
59
00:03:27,567 --> 00:03:29,234
...let me find it
for you.
60
00:03:31,834 --> 00:03:34,767
L-Let me do mine
first, okay?
61
00:03:34,801 --> 00:03:37,434
John Bowman is one of
the biggest critics
62
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:38,901
in New York City,
63
00:03:38,934 --> 00:03:40,501
and one of the worst,
if you ask me.
64
00:03:40,534 --> 00:03:42,667
I mean, he hates
everything he sees.
65
00:03:42,701 --> 00:03:44,701
I mean, the man
does not critique,
66
00:03:44,734 --> 00:03:45,834
he humiliates.
67
00:03:45,868 --> 00:03:48,667
He's not a reviewer,
he's an assassin.
68
00:03:48,701 --> 00:03:50,801
Here, here, here, look, look.
Read this.
69
00:03:50,834 --> 00:03:52,667
Read it for
yourself.
70
00:03:52,701 --> 00:03:54,667
"A 30-millimeter cannon
71
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:57,334
"fired at the stage
during production
72
00:03:57,367 --> 00:04:00,200
could not hit anything
worth saving."
73
00:04:00,234 --> 00:04:02,200
Hey, I'd like to see that.
74
00:04:02,234 --> 00:04:03,434
What time do they
shoot off the cannon?
75
00:04:05,334 --> 00:04:07,667
"Forgettable as all
the performances may be,
76
00:04:07,701 --> 00:04:11,534
"that of Patty Ganzel seems
to vanish before your eyes.
77
00:04:11,567 --> 00:04:13,868
"Not only is
her acting suspect,
78
00:04:13,901 --> 00:04:15,634
"but her appearance
is so horrifying
79
00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:17,868
"that it should henceforth
be a felony
80
00:04:17,901 --> 00:04:20,701
to yell 'Patty Ganzel'
in a crowded theater."
81
00:04:20,734 --> 00:04:22,701
Ooh! Ouch!
Ow!
82
00:04:22,734 --> 00:04:24,400
That is not
a nice review.
83
00:04:24,434 --> 00:04:27,100
This is not a nice man.
84
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:30,367
But the terrible part is,
is he has power.
85
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,868
Hey, I saw this play,
and it wasn't that bad.
86
00:04:32,901 --> 00:04:35,868
I mean, it needed work,
but it didn't need to be killed
87
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:39,067
and I know Patty,
and she doesn't deserve this.
88
00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:42,634
But, Bobby, he's a critic,
so, uh, so what can you do?
89
00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:45,400
I tell you exactly what
I can do.
90
00:04:45,434 --> 00:04:48,267
I can write this guy a letter
and tell him what I think of him
91
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:49,934
as a critic
and as a human being.
92
00:04:49,968 --> 00:04:51,501
All right, Bobby.
93
00:04:51,534 --> 00:04:52,834
You know, better yet,
94
00:04:52,868 --> 00:04:54,834
I'm going to write
the newspaper,
95
00:04:54,868 --> 00:04:56,501
so everybody
can read it!
96
00:04:56,534 --> 00:04:58,133
Ooh! Good idea!
I'm gonna get you some paper.
97
00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,834
Oh, good.
Okay. All right.
98
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,601
Oh, boy, I'm gonna
tell 'em exactly...
99
00:05:02,634 --> 00:05:03,767
Bobby, you really serious
about this thing?
100
00:05:03,801 --> 00:05:05,100
You bet I am.
101
00:05:05,133 --> 00:05:07,434
Well, then open up
on him, Bob.
102
00:05:07,467 --> 00:05:08,601
No, no, you see, Tony,
103
00:05:08,634 --> 00:05:10,234
I have to handle this
with some finesse.
104
00:05:10,267 --> 00:05:13,167
You see, I don't want
to sink to his level.
105
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,167
Uh, Bobby?
106
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:15,267
Yeah?
107
00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:17,434
"Slime wad" is two words.
108
00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:19,133
Oh. Thanks.
109
00:05:19,167 --> 00:05:20,801
My pleasure.
110
00:05:20,834 --> 00:05:25,200
Okay, now. "Your reviews are..."
111
00:05:25,234 --> 00:05:28,434
Listen, I really need
some, like, strong adjectives.
112
00:05:28,467 --> 00:05:30,300
Uh, how about
"reprehensible"?
113
00:05:30,334 --> 00:05:31,701
Oh, that's good.
114
00:05:31,734 --> 00:05:33,234
"Indecent."
115
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:34,300
Perfect!
116
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,167
"Purple."
117
00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:41,367
Not as close.
118
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,934
Ah.
119
00:05:44,501 --> 00:05:45,734
Good.
120
00:05:45,767 --> 00:05:46,734
TONY:
Good, good, yeah.
121
00:05:46,767 --> 00:05:47,968
Yeah.
122
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:55,267
Signed,
"Robert L. Wheeler, an actor."
123
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:57,767
Boy, I'd hate to
get that letter.
124
00:05:57,801 --> 00:05:59,901
That is very strong.
125
00:05:59,934 --> 00:06:00,968
Yes, it is, and it's
126
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,467
a very angry letter
to a very powerful man, Bob.
127
00:06:03,501 --> 00:06:06,801
Yes, and he is really gonna
know who you are after
he gets this letter.
128
00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:10,567
I don't think I need "hate"
in this sentence.
129
00:06:10,601 --> 00:06:12,567
Bobby, Bobby, don't
change nothing, man.
130
00:06:12,601 --> 00:06:13,634
It's perfect.
131
00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:16,067
This guy will go crazy
when he gets that letter.
132
00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:18,200
You know, you're right.
133
00:06:18,234 --> 00:06:20,033
I can't send this.
134
00:06:20,067 --> 00:06:21,200
What are you doing?
135
00:06:21,234 --> 00:06:22,467
Ah...
136
00:06:22,501 --> 00:06:23,467
What are you doing?
137
00:06:23,501 --> 00:06:24,734
I can't send this, Tony.
138
00:06:24,767 --> 00:06:26,901
Bowman will have me
for breakfast.
139
00:06:26,934 --> 00:06:29,234
Maybe someday,
when I'm a big star--
140
00:06:29,267 --> 00:06:30,834
you know, then he
can't hurt me--
141
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:33,567
but right now,
I'm a struggling young actor
142
00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,567
and I got to protect myself.
143
00:06:35,601 --> 00:06:36,567
LOUIE:
Wheeler.
144
00:06:36,601 --> 00:06:37,701
Let's drive.
145
00:06:37,734 --> 00:06:40,234
I think you did
the smart thing, Bob.
146
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,067
I think you chickened out, Bob.
147
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:43,934
Tony, I didn't
chicken out.
148
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:46,567
That letter could have
cost me my career.
149
00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:49,501
ALEX:
You did a smart
thing, Bob.
Iggy?
150
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:50,901
Yo.
151
00:06:50,934 --> 00:06:52,934
Minus ten
and counting.
152
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,133
I can't do this.
153
00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:23,567
It could ruin his career.
154
00:07:30,234 --> 00:07:32,133
Fate.
155
00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:04,534
Stop that!
156
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,367
What are you doing?
157
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,901
What are you dressed
like that for?
158
00:08:08,934 --> 00:08:11,901
I won it
in the hamburger contest.
159
00:08:11,934 --> 00:08:14,701
Get those things off.
160
00:08:14,734 --> 00:08:16,067
Geez.
161
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:41,400
Hey, has anybody seen
today's paper yet?
162
00:08:41,434 --> 00:08:43,300
No.
No, I didn't.
163
00:08:43,334 --> 00:08:47,567
Did the lady get the cat's head
out of her mouth?
164
00:08:47,601 --> 00:08:49,434
Come on, Jim,
who cares about that?
165
00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:53,334
Well, I know a cat and a lady
who care plenty.
166
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:55,734
Come on,
what's in the paper?
167
00:08:55,767 --> 00:08:57,868
Look at that, it's Bobby's
letter, he sent it in--
168
00:08:57,901 --> 00:08:59,067
the one about John Bowman.
169
00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:00,234
All right, Bobby.
He sent the letter.
170
00:09:00,267 --> 00:09:02,067
He must have
changed his mind.
171
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:04,400
Yeah, it took a lot of courage
for him to send that one in.
172
00:09:04,434 --> 00:09:06,634
Yeah, a whole lot of courage.
173
00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:09,033
An incredible amount of courage.
174
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,434
It wasn't Bobby.
175
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,834
Nah, not him.
176
00:09:12,868 --> 00:09:15,434
No. Somebody must have
gone through the trash can
177
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:16,901
and, uh, sent the letter
to the paper
178
00:09:16,934 --> 00:09:18,200
without Bobby
knowing about it.
179
00:09:18,234 --> 00:09:19,968
Ah, who could be so rotten?
180
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,968
( bell dings )
181
00:09:24,968 --> 00:09:26,634
Louie, how could you?
182
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:29,501
Do you realize this could
cost Bobby his career?
183
00:09:29,534 --> 00:09:33,033
Louie, could I talk to you
for a minute?
184
00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:35,434
I kinda figured you'd wanna.
185
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:37,300
( cackling )
186
00:09:39,033 --> 00:09:41,267
I kind of figured you'd do that,
187
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:44,467
so I came prepared
to get into that cage.
188
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:47,133
He's going to get in the cage--
189
00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:48,467
this fortress--
190
00:09:48,501 --> 00:09:50,634
he's going to get in.
191
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,467
No way.
192
00:09:52,501 --> 00:09:54,601
This is hermetically
sealed, this cage.
193
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,634
All right.
194
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,567
All right, now,
don't come near me.
195
00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:04,567
I mean it.
196
00:10:04,601 --> 00:10:06,067
I'm going to get him
this time!
197
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:07,534
Nobody... nothing's
gonna stop me!
198
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:09,234
Hey, Bobby, it's your agent.
199
00:10:09,267 --> 00:10:13,033
My agent's calling me?!
200
00:10:13,067 --> 00:10:15,400
Okay, okay, Louie,
you stay right there.
201
00:10:15,434 --> 00:10:16,734
Alex, come over here.
202
00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:18,100
Take this.
203
00:10:18,133 --> 00:10:19,801
Make sure he doesn't
slither out of there.
204
00:10:19,834 --> 00:10:20,934
ALEX:
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
205
00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:23,100
Louie, you know, I've had it.
206
00:10:23,133 --> 00:10:24,434
You've had enough.
207
00:10:24,467 --> 00:10:26,767
You've really done it this time.
208
00:10:26,801 --> 00:10:29,767
When you sent that letter in,
you went one step too far.
209
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:30,801
Here, Bob.
210
00:10:32,467 --> 00:10:33,534
Hello?
211
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,601
Yeah, hi.
212
00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:39,601
Listen, uh, about that letter.
213
00:10:39,634 --> 00:10:42,100
It was a big mist...
214
00:10:42,133 --> 00:10:43,934
Real... Really?!
215
00:10:43,968 --> 00:10:48,267
Hey, well, that's really
nice of you to say.
216
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:49,934
That's, uh...
217
00:10:49,968 --> 00:10:52,634
Well, yeah, I guess it did
take a little courage to send it
218
00:10:52,667 --> 00:10:54,634
but I've had that guy
up to here,
219
00:10:54,667 --> 00:10:56,133
you know what I mean?
220
00:10:56,167 --> 00:10:57,300
And you know what?
221
00:10:57,334 --> 00:10:58,801
I'm going to send him
another one!
222
00:10:58,834 --> 00:11:00,334
Yeah! Yeah!
223
00:11:00,367 --> 00:11:01,968
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
224
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,667
Talk to you again sometime.
225
00:11:03,701 --> 00:11:04,968
That was my agent.
226
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,400
He called me.
227
00:11:06,434 --> 00:11:09,267
He liked the letter
that I wrote to John Bowman.
228
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:10,534
Whoo-hoo!
229
00:11:10,567 --> 00:11:13,801
That's not the only call
you got this morning, Bob.
230
00:11:13,834 --> 00:11:15,567
What are you talking about?
231
00:11:15,601 --> 00:11:18,901
I'm afraid my little scheme
backfired on me.
232
00:11:18,934 --> 00:11:21,901
I've been taking messages
for you all morning--
233
00:11:21,934 --> 00:11:25,434
all of them from people
congratulating you
234
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:26,434
on the stand you made.
235
00:11:26,467 --> 00:11:27,934
Yeah?
236
00:11:27,968 --> 00:11:30,100
Yep. Here's one
from your union president.
237
00:11:30,133 --> 00:11:32,667
"Tell him
we're proud of him."
238
00:11:32,701 --> 00:11:34,434
Here's another one--
239
00:11:34,467 --> 00:11:37,234
"...a credit
to our profession."
240
00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:39,434
Here's one
from a repertory company.
241
00:11:39,467 --> 00:11:42,968
"We wish we had the guts
to do it."
242
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:43,968
Look at that.
243
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,200
Holy...!
244
00:11:46,234 --> 00:11:49,200
There's some
really big names here.
245
00:11:49,234 --> 00:11:50,501
Oh, wow!
246
00:11:50,534 --> 00:11:52,834
Now I'm a hero and
great-looking.
247
00:11:56,467 --> 00:11:58,133
I'm proud of you, Bobby.
248
00:11:58,167 --> 00:11:59,734
You pounded that guy. Oh!
249
00:11:59,767 --> 00:12:01,000
And that is not all.
250
00:12:01,033 --> 00:12:02,334
What, what, what?
251
00:12:02,367 --> 00:12:04,434
I got one here
from your producer,
252
00:12:04,467 --> 00:12:06,567
who said to tell you that
because of your letter
253
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,734
and the attention
that it's drawn,
254
00:12:08,767 --> 00:12:10,801
ticket sales have gone crazy.
255
00:12:10,834 --> 00:12:12,601
All right!
256
00:12:12,634 --> 00:12:13,801
( whooping )
257
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,067
Hey, I may even
get paid this week.
258
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:17,567
ALEX:
It paid off
this time, eh?
259
00:12:17,601 --> 00:12:19,567
And...
What?
260
00:12:19,601 --> 00:12:22,367
I saved the best
for last.
261
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,601
What?
262
00:12:23,634 --> 00:12:26,367
Your producer also told me
to tell you
263
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:31,267
that a certain very special VIP
264
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,434
called personally
265
00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:36,701
and asked for tickets
for your show for tonight.
266
00:12:36,734 --> 00:12:38,734
To see me?
267
00:12:38,767 --> 00:12:40,701
Especially to see you.
268
00:12:40,734 --> 00:12:41,767
Ooh! Who is it?
269
00:12:41,801 --> 00:12:42,868
Guess.
270
00:12:42,901 --> 00:12:44,267
Oh, come on, Louie,
I can't guess.
271
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,267
Is it somebody,
like, real big?
272
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:47,434
I mean, come on,
give me a hint.
273
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,767
Big name.
Big name, Bob.
274
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:50,100
Oh, come on.
275
00:12:50,133 --> 00:12:51,167
Big.
276
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,267
Please, please,
tell me, tell me.
277
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:54,200
No, no, no, no,
you gotta guess.
278
00:12:54,234 --> 00:12:55,868
No, no, no...
279
00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:56,968
no, you gotta guess.
280
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,901
No! All right,
I'll give you hints.
281
00:12:58,934 --> 00:13:00,067
Oh, oh, good, good,
good, good.
282
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:01,000
Okay, all right,
listen.
283
00:13:01,033 --> 00:13:02,033
Are you ready?
Yeah. Yah-huh.
284
00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:03,367
Good.
285
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,367
Two.
286
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,234
Oh, uh, two words.
287
00:13:06,267 --> 00:13:07,400
Two, uh, names.
288
00:13:07,434 --> 00:13:09,334
Uh, first name.
289
00:13:14,234 --> 00:13:15,000
Sign.
290
00:13:15,033 --> 00:13:16,567
Uh, rest rooms.
291
00:13:16,601 --> 00:13:19,067
Uh... From Here To Eternity.
292
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:22,400
Jim, Jim--
shh, shh, shh.
293
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:23,868
Wait. Wait.
294
00:13:23,901 --> 00:13:24,767
John?
295
00:13:24,801 --> 00:13:25,767
Right.
296
00:13:25,801 --> 00:13:26,767
All right!
297
00:13:26,801 --> 00:13:28,767
Uh, second name.
298
00:13:30,767 --> 00:13:31,734
Bing!
299
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:32,734
Arrow.
300
00:13:32,767 --> 00:13:33,934
Oh, oh--
301
00:13:33,968 --> 00:13:34,934
Robin Hood.
302
00:13:34,968 --> 00:13:38,801
Uh, The Magnificent Seven.
303
00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:40,868
Jim, Jim, shh. Wait.
304
00:13:40,901 --> 00:13:42,767
Uh, okay. Uh, John. John.
305
00:13:42,801 --> 00:13:44,601
John Archer. John Shooter.
306
00:13:44,634 --> 00:13:46,033
John...
307
00:13:46,067 --> 00:13:47,033
Bowman.
308
00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:47,868
BOBBY:
Bowman!
Right!
309
00:13:47,901 --> 00:13:49,601
John Bowman!
310
00:13:49,634 --> 00:13:52,767
John Bowman the critic
is coming to see me?
311
00:13:52,801 --> 00:13:54,434
Oh, it's John Bowman!
312
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:55,801
John Bowman...
313
00:13:57,334 --> 00:13:58,367
The guy I insulted
314
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:03,434
is coming to review me
and rip me limb to limb.
315
00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:05,634
Oh, God.
Bing.
316
00:14:19,334 --> 00:14:22,667
For my own part,
I'd as soon be descended
317
00:14:22,701 --> 00:14:25,000
from that heroic little monkey
318
00:14:25,033 --> 00:14:27,534
who braved his
most dreaded enemy
319
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,801
to save the life of his keeper,
320
00:14:29,834 --> 00:14:32,534
as from a savage
321
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:36,133
who delights
to torture his enemies,
322
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:40,133
practices infanticide
with no remorse,
323
00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:41,968
knows no decency...
324
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:47,234
and is haunted
by the grossest superstitions.
325
00:14:47,267 --> 00:14:50,200
( crowd cheering )
326
00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:56,834
Coffee will be served
during the intermission
327
00:14:56,868 --> 00:14:59,534
in the lobby.
328
00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:01,033
Hey, Bob,
329
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,434
that was...
330
00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:04,267
A disaster.
331
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:06,434
No, Bobby.
332
00:15:06,467 --> 00:15:08,267
The play stinks.
333
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:10,067
I stink.
334
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:12,334
Oh, come on, Bob.
335
00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:14,100
Oh, no, oh,
Bowman hates it.
336
00:15:14,133 --> 00:15:16,000
Bowman hates it,
and I bet you
337
00:15:16,033 --> 00:15:18,033
he is loving
hating it, too.
338
00:15:19,834 --> 00:15:21,133
Bobby.
339
00:15:21,167 --> 00:15:22,467
That was great.
340
00:15:22,501 --> 00:15:24,567
That was just great.
341
00:15:24,601 --> 00:15:27,033
You know, this is the first time
I ever see it
342
00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:29,200
and I don't know
why everybody say
343
00:15:29,234 --> 00:15:31,033
it is too long and boring.
344
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:32,534
You know, I enjoyed it
345
00:15:32,567 --> 00:15:35,200
and to me, I think
it was just right.
346
00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:37,701
Well, there's a second
act coming up, Latka.
347
00:15:37,734 --> 00:15:39,200
Not for me,
there isn't.
348
00:15:39,234 --> 00:15:41,067
Eh, good-bye.
Good-bye.
349
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:48,634
Bobby... it's going great--
350
00:15:48,667 --> 00:15:49,868
better than the last time.
351
00:15:49,901 --> 00:15:52,133
Jim laughed through
the whole first act.
352
00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:55,901
Look, guys, I know
what you're doing
353
00:15:55,934 --> 00:15:58,234
and I really appreciate it
354
00:15:58,267 --> 00:16:01,934
but I know a bomb
when I've been hit by one.
355
00:16:03,868 --> 00:16:08,634
Ha! You crazy guy.
356
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:10,367
Charles Darwin, eh?
357
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,000
( guffawing )
358
00:16:12,033 --> 00:16:14,667
Loony!
359
00:16:14,701 --> 00:16:16,934
Thanks, Jim.
I'm glad you liked it.
360
00:16:16,968 --> 00:16:19,000
Hey, listen,
if you guys don't mind,
361
00:16:19,033 --> 00:16:21,334
I got to get myself
together, here.
362
00:16:21,367 --> 00:16:23,000
Oh, yeah.
363
00:16:23,033 --> 00:16:25,067
I age 40 years
in this thing.
364
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:27,033
Yeah, I guess it feels
that way, huh?
365
00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:29,868
No, Darwin is 40 years
older in Act Two.
366
00:16:29,901 --> 00:16:30,968
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
367
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,968
Let's, um... we better
get outta here. Come on.
368
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,334
They're gonna start
the second act.
369
00:16:34,367 --> 00:16:35,868
Come on,
let's get to our seats.
370
00:16:35,901 --> 00:16:38,100
Just a sec.
371
00:16:38,133 --> 00:16:38,701
Uh, Bobby?
372
00:16:38,734 --> 00:16:39,767
Hmm?
373
00:16:39,801 --> 00:16:42,033
Can I borrow your comb?
374
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:43,400
Sure.
375
00:16:59,868 --> 00:17:01,667
Uh, Jim,
376
00:17:01,701 --> 00:17:04,467
why don't you just keep it?
377
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:06,767
Oh.
378
00:17:06,801 --> 00:17:08,400
Thanks.
379
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:21,234
Okay, Bob.
380
00:17:21,267 --> 00:17:22,567
Alex?
381
00:17:22,601 --> 00:17:24,100
Yeah?
382
00:17:26,601 --> 00:17:31,434
This is the worst night
of my entire life.
383
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:32,934
Oh, no, Bob. Bob.
384
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,267
You're doing great.
385
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:35,667
Oh, yeah. Sure.
386
00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:37,634
( sighs )
387
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,567
( grunts )
388
00:17:51,467 --> 00:17:56,167
( audience applauding )
389
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,601
We will now discuss,
in further detail,
390
00:17:59,634 --> 00:18:02,200
the struggle for existence.
391
00:18:02,234 --> 00:18:05,767
( Jim laughing hysterically )
392
00:18:09,267 --> 00:18:12,834
You know,you were
very, very good tonight.
393
00:18:12,868 --> 00:18:14,467
No, I wasn't, Elaine.
394
00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:15,901
I stunk tonight.
395
00:18:15,934 --> 00:18:17,033
Oh, come on, Bob.
Stop being so hard
on yourself.
396
00:18:17,067 --> 00:18:19,300
Hey, Bobby,
I think you were great.
397
00:18:19,334 --> 00:18:22,968
I mean, in that second act,
you were sweating like a pig.
398
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,133
I've never, never, never
seen anybody sweat like that.
399
00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:27,901
That's what I call talent.
400
00:18:27,934 --> 00:18:30,133
Well, unfortunately,
the only thing
401
00:18:30,167 --> 00:18:31,834
that matters
is what Bowman thinks
402
00:18:31,868 --> 00:18:33,634
and he's going
to rip me to shreds.
403
00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:34,534
ALEX:
Aw, come on.
404
00:18:34,567 --> 00:18:36,968
Oh, my God.
405
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,934
John Bowman just
walked in the door.
406
00:18:39,968 --> 00:18:41,601
Don't look.
407
00:18:41,634 --> 00:18:43,567
Jim!
408
00:18:43,601 --> 00:18:45,267
Why would he be here?
409
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:48,534
Well, maybe he's come
to kill me with his bare hands.
410
00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:50,000
( low, indistinct speaking )
411
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,234
Mr. Wheeler?
412
00:18:56,267 --> 00:18:58,267
Uh, yes.
413
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:00,667
They told me at the theater
I could find you here.
414
00:19:00,701 --> 00:19:02,434
My name is John Bowman
415
00:19:02,467 --> 00:19:04,133
or, as you referred
to me in your letter:
416
00:19:04,167 --> 00:19:06,834
"The carbuncle on the butt
of the American theater."
417
00:19:09,567 --> 00:19:11,868
Mr. Carbuncle?
418
00:19:13,834 --> 00:19:18,033
My name's Jim Ignatowski.
419
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:21,100
Could I speak to you
for a moment in private?
420
00:19:21,133 --> 00:19:22,367
Sure!
421
00:19:23,267 --> 00:19:24,400
Will you all excuse us
422
00:19:24,434 --> 00:19:27,334
for a couple of minutes?
423
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:30,200
Right this way, bunky.
424
00:19:30,234 --> 00:19:34,467
Jim! Jim, Jim, Jim,
he's talking to me.
425
00:19:34,501 --> 00:19:39,701
Oh. Gee, I feel kind of silly.
426
00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:47,033
Is he the playwright?
427
00:19:48,334 --> 00:19:50,033
Right over here.
428
00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:52,767
To be perfectly honest,
Mr. Wheeler,
429
00:19:52,801 --> 00:19:54,434
I went to
the theater tonight,
430
00:19:54,467 --> 00:19:57,734
expecting-- and hoping--
to hate everything I saw.
431
00:19:57,767 --> 00:19:58,968
I was disappointed.
432
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,167
You mean you liked the play?
433
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,434
Are you insane?
434
00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:04,367
That play is
an excellent argument
435
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,601
for dying young.
436
00:20:07,634 --> 00:20:09,601
Then what did you
like about it?
437
00:20:09,634 --> 00:20:14,601
I thought your performance
was engaging and energetic...
438
00:20:14,634 --> 00:20:16,767
and, uh, courageous.
439
00:20:16,801 --> 00:20:19,501
Here. It's all here
in my review.
440
00:20:24,667 --> 00:20:27,968
"One of the most
promising young actors
441
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,300
"to emerge this season...
442
00:20:30,334 --> 00:20:33,667
"...triumphs over
impossible material...
443
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,634
"He made me feel optimistic
444
00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:41,167
about off-off-Broadway
theater again."
445
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,634
Mr. Bowman...
446
00:20:44,667 --> 00:20:45,801
this is amazing.
447
00:20:45,834 --> 00:20:47,467
I have to apologize
448
00:20:47,501 --> 00:20:50,167
for everything that I
said in that letter.
449
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:55,133
For you to come here
and show me this...
450
00:20:56,601 --> 00:20:59,300
...well, uh,
I'm overwhelmed.
451
00:21:00,934 --> 00:21:02,934
And people are
going to know
452
00:21:02,968 --> 00:21:04,801
that you have
a lot of integrity
453
00:21:04,834 --> 00:21:07,200
when this comes out
in the newspaper
in the morning.
454
00:21:07,234 --> 00:21:11,234
Well, too bad it's not going
to come out in the newspaper.
455
00:21:11,267 --> 00:21:14,200
What-what-what...
what are you doing?
456
00:21:14,234 --> 00:21:17,033
This is what you should have
done with your letter.
457
00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:19,033
You see, Mr. Wheeler,
458
00:21:19,067 --> 00:21:22,367
a bad review
could make you a hero.
459
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,400
A good review
could make you a star.
460
00:21:25,434 --> 00:21:28,400
No review
will keep you anonymous
461
00:21:28,434 --> 00:21:31,901
and you can keep on acting
in church basements
462
00:21:31,934 --> 00:21:35,167
and supermarket openings,
and your own mirror
463
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,400
for the rest of your life.
464
00:21:37,434 --> 00:21:41,767
Well, I enjoyed seeing you,
Mr. Wheeler.
465
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:44,567
Ah, I've had
a wonderful evening.
466
00:21:44,601 --> 00:21:47,734
Hold it. Hold it. Now...
467
00:21:47,767 --> 00:21:54,234
you mean you came here
to show me this good review
468
00:21:54,267 --> 00:21:58,300
just to tear it up in my face?
469
00:21:59,634 --> 00:22:02,300
Well, that's the cruelest thing
I've ever seen.
470
00:22:03,567 --> 00:22:05,167
Thank you.
471
00:22:06,868 --> 00:22:07,834
BOBBY:
Please, reconsider.
472
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:11,033
I'll tape it back together.
473
00:22:14,267 --> 00:22:15,367
What am I doing?
474
00:22:16,801 --> 00:22:20,567
I'm on my knees,
here on the floor,
475
00:22:20,601 --> 00:22:25,567
groveling in dirt and beer,
and for what?
476
00:22:25,601 --> 00:22:28,200
Because of what you think of me?
477
00:22:28,234 --> 00:22:30,734
Well, that's crazy.
478
00:22:32,300 --> 00:22:34,934
The only thing that matters
479
00:22:34,968 --> 00:22:38,834
is what I thought
of my performance tonight.
480
00:22:38,868 --> 00:22:41,601
( grumbles )
481
00:22:41,634 --> 00:22:42,968
Right!
Right on, Bob!
482
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,067
( all talking )
483
00:22:44,100 --> 00:22:47,467
Hey! That's the Bobby
of old, baby!
484
00:22:49,434 --> 00:22:52,467
Bobby, the only thing
that matters is your opinion.
485
00:22:52,501 --> 00:22:55,000
Right,
and you thought you stunk!
486
00:23:01,934 --> 00:23:05,400
( theme music playing )
487
00:23:28,934 --> 00:23:30,501
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
488
00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:31,868
( grunts )
33011
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
