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[Man Narrating]
This is the village of Putnam's Landing...
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00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:56,240
Iocated some 50 miles north of
New York City on Long Island Sound.
3
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:58,648
Rich in history and tradition...
4
00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:01,551
Putnam's Landing
was founded in 1628...
5
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,816
by one Samuel Putnam.
6
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,984
There is very little to be said
about Samuel Putnam...
7
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:09,961
as the day he landed,
he was scalped.
8
00:02:10,029 --> 00:02:13,590
It was the last really interesting thing
that happened in Putnam's Landing...
9
00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:15,725
for more than 300 years.
10
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:18,270
- This is the crack commuting train...
- [Horn Blaring]
11
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:21,000
The 5:29 from Grand Central.
12
00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:23,668
It makes its run
in an hour and 10 minutes.
13
00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:26,371
These are the happy commuters.
14
00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:30,212
In the last five years,
these contented country dwellers...
15
00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:33,775
have made 1,250 round-trips.
16
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:36,083
That means they have each
wasted a total...
17
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:41,617
of 2,920 and two-third man-hours
aboard this train.
18
00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:44,390
- Hey, a scotch and soda!
- [Chattering]
19
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:47,297
Scotch and soda!
20
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:50,097
- Hey!
- Here you are, sir.
21
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,502
Pass one of those back here, will ya?
22
00:02:54,707 --> 00:02:57,335
Make it a double.
It's gettin' late.
23
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:06,508
Hey, hey.
I'll settle for a single, straight.
24
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,449
Thank you.
I'm very grateful.
25
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,526
[Chattering]
26
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:20,032
It took me all this time to get
my first drink. I sure can use it.
27
00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:22,533
- [Glass Clatters]
- Putnam's Landing!
28
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:27,164
Putnam's Landing!
Don't forget your parcels.
29
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,767
- [Chuckling]
- [Forced Chuckle]
30
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:49,852
[Woman] Do you think success
will spoil you, Harry Bannerman?
31
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:54,328
Hi, Angela.
32
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,698
Say, you haven't seen Grace
around here anyplace, have you?
33
00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:59,932
No.
Have you seen my Oscar?
34
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:03,407
No. Well, he wasn't on
the bar car anyway.
35
00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:08,140
Well, if he wasn't on the bar car,
he wasn't on the train.
36
00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:11,047
Yes. You have a point there, yes.
37
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,113
[Dinging]
38
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:23,294
- [Ringing]
- Hello?
39
00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:25,194
No, honey, it-
40
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,928
No, uh, it's just that
Danny swallowed something.
41
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,061
Fortunately, the plumber's here.
42
00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,935
Um- Honey, look,
there's a lot going on.
43
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,874
Do you suppose
you could take a cab just this once?
44
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,877
All right.
45
00:04:42,915 --> 00:04:46,942
- Everything all right?
- No. Grace got tied up.
She wants me to take a cab.
46
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,818
Oh, that's all right.
I'll drop you.
47
00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:51,914
Look. No meter.
48
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,982
Well, thanks.
49
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:08,238
- Oh, I'm sorry. Can I make an observation?
- Yes.
50
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:12,267
What is that devastating
perfume you have on?
51
00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:15,439
- Pink Boudoir.
- Well- [Italian]
52
00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:17,676
- Now may I make an observation?
- Go right ahead.
53
00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:21,709
That is sweeter than anything my husband
has said to me since we've been married.
54
00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:25,656
I'll remember it as I sit alone tonight
getting loaded.
55
00:05:25,725 --> 00:05:29,217
Gee, I wonder why Grace couldn't meet me.
Probably something got clogged.
56
00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:32,162
Oh, think positively.
The trouble with you is...
57
00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:34,927
you should've had
a couple more drinks on the train.
58
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,162
[Chuckles]
I didn't have a drop.
59
00:05:37,236 --> 00:05:40,171
- Why?
- Well- [Chuckles]
60
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:42,867
It's a long story
with an unhappy ending.
61
00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:46,309
Oscar always has a couple of drinks
on the train...
62
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:48,677
to brace himself
so he can face me, I guess.
63
00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:50,773
Oh, I don't know about that.
64
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,614
But I have a couple of doubles because
the way I look at it is that...
65
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:57,122
he is twice as hard to face as I am.
66
00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,387
Not that I miss him,
but I wonder what happened to him.
67
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,519
I don't know.
Guys in television...
68
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:05,029
are always going off
somewhere unexpectedly.
69
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,032
Mmm.
One of these days...
70
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,364
I'm going to go off
somewhere unexpectedly.
71
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,903
- Oh, yeah?
- To Reno, Nevada.
72
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:15,270
Of course, the sad part is
I don't really want a divorce.
73
00:06:15,341 --> 00:06:18,105
I mean, I like being married.
74
00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:20,907
[Sighs]
I just don't like being married to Oscar.
75
00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:24,711
Actually, Grace is a remarkable girl.
76
00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:27,617
Actually, Oscar is kind of a poop.
77
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:31,783
No. The whole problem is there
just aren't any eligible bachelors...
78
00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:34,827
in Putnam's Landing.
79
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:38,489
Of course, the joint is absolutely
jumping with married men.
80
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,964
I could pick off any one of them-
81
00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:43,968
ping-
anytime I wanted to.
82
00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:47,335
[Chuckles]
Don't point that thing at me. I'm a- I'm a-
83
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,240
[Clears Throat] I'm a happily married man.
I have a happy home...
84
00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:52,675
and a happy wife
and two happy children.
85
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:57,205
I couldn't be happier.
I'm very happy indeed. Oh!
86
00:06:57,283 --> 00:07:01,549
If l- lf, uh-
If someone were unhappy...
87
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:04,146
you could certainly make 'em happy.
88
00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:06,350
- Oh.
- I mean, you're very attractive.
89
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:09,554
- And, gosh, you sure do smell good.
- Thank you.
90
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:12,427
Don't you think you'd better
watch where you're going?
91
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:15,695
Um, no, l-As I was saying,
there's no question about it.
92
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,702
I mean, if-if, um-
93
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:22,036
If I weren't as happy as I am, uh-
94
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,099
I mean, there wouldn't be
any question about it.
95
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:29,240
You could, uh, make me-
You know what I mean?
96
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:36,287
Oh. Oh, I didn't mean anything, uh-
97
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:40,382
- Angela, really, l-I didn't mean, um-
- I wish you had.
98
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,260
Are we, uh, waiting
for a red light or something?
99
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:47,299
No.
100
00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:50,597
Here's your happy home.
[Laughs]
101
00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:53,070
Oh, yes, so it is.
Well, gee.
102
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,631
Thanks for the, um-Thanks for the lift
and for the laughs, Angela.
103
00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,677
So long, Happy.
104
00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:00,769
Oh, funny girl.
105
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:10,879
- [Thundering Hoofbeats On TV]
- [Dog Barking On TV]
106
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:12,891
- [Gunfire]
- [Blows Kiss]
107
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:15,359
- Hi, fellas.
- Shh!
108
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,828
Hey, uh, fellas, Daddy's home.
109
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:21,765
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
110
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:25,463
Thank you, gentlemen.
I am deeply moved.
111
00:08:29,308 --> 00:08:32,072
We gotta do something
about that television.
112
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:37,072
Oh, boy.
113
00:08:37,149 --> 00:08:40,744
- Is this all we got?
- Mm-hmm.
114
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,914
Well, while you're at it, will you, uh,
make a note to get some more whiskey?
115
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:46,390
- All righty.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
116
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:50,555
Wait a minute. Now, drop the pen.
What are we writing?
117
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:53,292
A deposit for a new washing machine.
118
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,493
A new w-
119
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:01,466
- You're in a lovely mood.
- What kind of a mood do you expect me to be in?
120
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:05,238
I come home to my mortgage-covered cottage.
The kids don't talk to me.
121
00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:08,007
You only come home to
your mortgage-covered cottage.
122
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,015
I am home.
I'm the one who has to face...
123
00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:15,452
the washing machine breaking down
and Danny swallowing his allowance.
124
00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:18,183
- All of it?
- All five pennies.
125
00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:20,748
Well, I, uh-
I knew something got clogged.
126
00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:23,454
Very funny.
127
00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:25,156
[Snickers]
128
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,828
[TVContinues]
129
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:38,099
Uh, why did you do that to your daddy?
130
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,306
Now, just for that,
you turn off that television set...
131
00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:45,782
and you take your brother and you
go upstairs and you look at your radio.
132
00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:47,785
How do you look at a radio?
133
00:09:47,853 --> 00:09:49,787
Don't correct your father.
134
00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:51,846
You heard what your mother said.
Now!
135
00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:58,030
- That's right. Yell at the children.
- [Door Slams Shut]
136
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,190
That's the alcohol speaking.
137
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,235
- What? Where? I haven't had any alcohol.
- I don't know why you do it.
138
00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:05,634
You can't face us when you come home.
You can't face me...
139
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,798
or your beautiful children
or your lovely home.
140
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:10,967
I can't face you? Honey, half the time,
you're not here to face.
141
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:13,739
Now, people are beginning to think
that the babysitter's my wife.
142
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,247
And what have you been doing
to make them think that?
143
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,415
What have l-
144
00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:23,284
Honey, wait-
Don't change the subject.
145
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:26,325
Now, where were you
on Monday when I came home?
146
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:30,123
Monday was den mothering it in the woods
with a pack of other people's mistakes...
147
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,221
and I had cold scraps from Sunday.
148
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,324
Then on Tuesday-Tuesday
was the meeting for the Committee...
149
00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:37,665
for the Preservation of, uh-
150
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:40,570
- Unknown Landmarks.
- Yeah, thank you.
151
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:46,340
Unknown Landmarks.
And I sat shivering with a frozen TV dinner.
152
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:48,346
Hey, listen!
[Chuckles]
153
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:51,474
I get the chills every time
I think of dinner at home.
154
00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:54,678
So now you think it's wrong for me
to take an interest in my community, hmm?
155
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:57,780
No, no, an interest is fine.
Honey, this town...
156
00:10:57,857 --> 00:11:00,325
has got more committees
than the United Nations.
157
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,258
You seem to be
on every one of them.
158
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:05,229
We had more homelife before
we were married, Grace Oglethorpe.
159
00:11:05,297 --> 00:11:08,289
And now you're attacking me
for doing my civic duty!
160
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:10,801
No. Civic duty's fine up to a point.
Up to a point.
161
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:13,100
But you've gone beyond that point.
162
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:17,734
Honey, you're not a conscientious citizen
anymore. You're a conscientious sucker.
163
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:21,268
Thank you very much.
164
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,542
We had a fellow in the office
had a wife just like you-
165
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,550
committees, committees, committees.
166
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,609
You know what he did?
167
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:33,248
He went out and he found himself
a little homelife away from home.
168
00:11:33,325 --> 00:11:35,657
She was a rare beauty too.
169
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:39,425
Where did you see her?
170
00:11:39,498 --> 00:11:41,864
He showed me her picture.
171
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:45,461
All right.
All right, Harry Bannerman.
172
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:49,770
If that's what you want, you go out
and you find yourself some little floozy...
173
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:52,538
and you see if-
174
00:11:52,611 --> 00:11:55,011
[Sobbing]
175
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:57,811
Honey!
176
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,908
[Sobbing Continues]
177
00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:01,919
Will you-
178
00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:10,621
Darling, I don't want that.
I couldn't afford it even if I did-
179
00:12:10,696 --> 00:12:13,358
Darling, I want you.
I love you.
180
00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:17,163
And I love you too.
So why are we fighting?
181
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:20,603
Because when I come home, I'd like-
182
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,607
[Chuckles]
I don't know.
183
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:27,806
[Sniffles] Harry, how would you like
to go away for a couple of days?
184
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:32,476
- Me, alone?
- Oh, no, honey. I mean both of us.
185
00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:34,781
Honey, you mean that?
186
00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:37,448
Of course I mean it.
187
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:41,220
Oh, now you're talkin'.
Now you're really talkin'.
188
00:12:41,293 --> 00:12:45,730
I'll get that babysitter in, and I'll get
Sid Harris to take over at the office for me.
189
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:47,925
- I got a great idea.
- What?
190
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,662
We'll go to New York.
We'll get us a suite at the St. Regis Hotel.
191
00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:52,897
Oh, that's a divine idea!
192
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:54,963
Can we have breakfast in bed?
193
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,565
Ooh, can we have breakfast in bed!
194
00:12:57,643 --> 00:13:00,806
And lunch in bed,
and dinner in bed.
195
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,745
Maybe even a midmorning snack in bed.
196
00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:05,215
Hey!
Look, if we leave right now-
197
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,514
Honey, we can't leave now.
198
00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:12,255
- Why not?
- Because there's a town meeting.
199
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:14,622
- Oh, so what? Skip it.
- Well, darling, I would love to.
200
00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:18,424
But Betty O'Sheels garbage plant comes up
for a vote, and I swore to her we'd be there.
201
00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:22,661
Well, can't we send proxies?
I mean, that's only garbage.
202
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:26,831
Oh, honey, I'm on her committee.
She needs my moral support.
203
00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:30,842
Well, I need your support too, honey,
moral and otherwise.
204
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:33,504
Well, how about tomorrow?
205
00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:37,572
I don't know if I can restrain myself
until tomorrow.
206
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,346
Then you'll just have
to make the effort.
207
00:13:40,419 --> 00:13:43,217
Okay.
208
00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:45,849
Tomorrow.
209
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,859
- Honey?
- Hmm?
210
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:50,327
- I can't make it tomorrow either.
- Why not?
211
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:52,694
I've called a meeting
of my Pageant Committee.
212
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:57,065
Is it that time
of the year again already?
213
00:13:57,136 --> 00:14:00,765
Now, Harry, you know
what my pageant means to the town.
214
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,536
Well, what would they do
on the Fourth ofJuly without it?
215
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:05,543
They might enjoy themselves.
216
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:07,841
You think it's any fun sitting
up there in those bleachers...
217
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:11,076
watching George Washington...
dripping sweat...
218
00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,914
when he's supposed to be
freezing to death at Valley Forge?
219
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:17,513
Well, this year,
I've decided to do something different-
220
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,650
something... bigger and better.
221
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:22,557
Like what?
222
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:25,290
I don't know.
I haven't decided yet.
223
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:29,664
Well, have you decided that
we can definitely go on Saturday?
224
00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:31,669
Harry Bannerman,
where is your mind?
225
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:33,967
- Saturday's your son's birthday.
- Which one?
226
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,974
- Harry Bannerman!
- Well, I got a right to know.
227
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,976
Well, it's Danny's.
228
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,512
What about Sunday? Hmm?
I love Sunday in New York.
229
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:45,243
- Sunday's the birthday party.
- I thought you said the birthday was on Saturday?
230
00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:47,285
Well, the birthday's Saturday,
but, you see...
231
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:49,787
Dickie Sutphen and Billy Nye
have a dancing lesson on Saturday...
232
00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:52,449
so we decided to switch
the birthday party on Sunday.
233
00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:56,255
Well, for $64,000,
why can't you make it Monday?
234
00:14:56,328 --> 00:14:58,728
- Well, we can.
- We can?
235
00:14:58,797 --> 00:15:01,129
If you wanna take Peter with us.
236
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,294
Honey-
Now, l-I love our firstborn...
237
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,304
as though he were human...
238
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:09,136
but why do we have to take that little
monster with us on our second honeymoon?
239
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:13,668
Because Monday's the day you take
Peter in to get his bite plate fitted.
240
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,909
Oh, yeah, his bite plate.
241
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:19,610
[Sighs]
Just one last damaging question.
242
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,916
Since you knew all along that we were
never gonna be able to make it...
243
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:25,821
why did you tantalize me
by bringing it up in the first place?
244
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:29,588
Oh, it's not all my fault.
245
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,653
I love you.
246
00:15:34,199 --> 00:15:36,292
And I love you too...
247
00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:39,730
from afar.
248
00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:42,273
And someday, someday...
249
00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:46,607
when Dickie Sutphen and Billy Nye
have learned to dance...
250
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:50,206
and- and they found a new driver
for the bloodmobile...
251
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:53,046
and- and they haven't
formed that committee...
252
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:55,586
that you'll have to form
the women's auxiliary of...
253
00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:58,122
and- and medical science
has found a cure...
254
00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:01,523
for these
mentally retarded do-gooders-
255
00:16:01,593 --> 00:16:03,527
[Sighs]
Someday-
256
00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:06,029
Someday, Grace Bannerman...
257
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:08,362
mark my words...
258
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:11,164
I'll get you yet.
259
00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:16,733
All right.
260
00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:20,307
[Narrator] If Harry Bannerman
believes that his life is complicated now...
261
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:22,472
- he should only know that at this very moment...
- [Phone Ringing]
262
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:26,279
Angela Hoffa is doing a bit
of conniving on her own.
263
00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:31,380
But wait. I'm getting
a little ahead of myself.
264
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:33,391
Let's see who's calling.
265
00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:35,893
Yeah?
Well, what I said still goes.
266
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:39,556
- [Buzzing]
- Yeah?
267
00:16:39,631 --> 00:16:43,465
Who? Mrs. Hoffa?
That's my wife. Tell her to hang on.
268
00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:45,503
[Woman]
I'm sorry. He's on another line.
269
00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,664
Oh, he's on another line?
Well, all right. I'll wait.
270
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,470
I've got nothing else to do
but stand here and shiver and drip.
271
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:56,807
Who? Oh, all right.
Put her on. Angela, what do you want?
272
00:16:56,882 --> 00:17:00,045
[Sighs]
What do I want?
273
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:05,955
Oh, I don't know.
Love, power, immortality.
274
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:09,654
What's the matter with you? Are you loaded?
Now, what is it you want? I'm busy.
275
00:17:09,728 --> 00:17:12,720
I hate to remind you
that you called me.
276
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:16,825
But while you're on, I was just
wondering in my naive, girlish way...
277
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:18,836
why you weren't on the 5:29?
278
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:22,465
How should I know
why I wasn't on the 5:29?
279
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:25,408
Oh, here it is in black and white.
I'm flying to Hollywood tonight.
280
00:17:25,477 --> 00:17:29,311
Didn't they tell you? Of course I gotta go.
How do I know why? I'm goin'.
281
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:32,714
Let's keep it gay, Oscar.
Let's close with a laugh.
282
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:36,653
And here's the biggest laugh
of the evening: I'll miss you!
283
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,122
Angela, I don't get it.
284
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,834
Ping.
285
00:17:50,035 --> 00:17:54,836
No, of course not, Angela.
No, it's no trouble at all.
286
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:59,708
Angela, what good is it to be neighbors
if we're not gonna be neighborly?
287
00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:02,008
Yeah.
All right, in half an hour.
288
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,015
Bye.
289
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:07,917
That was Angela Hoffa calling. She wants us
to pick her up on the way to the meeting...
290
00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:10,955
'cause it seems that
Oscar is off to Hollywood again.
291
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:14,550
I don't know how they live together.
They never see each other.
292
00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:16,617
Harry?
293
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:21,622
Harry, how long have you
been seeing imaginary movies?
294
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:24,726
- On the back of my eyelids.
- On the back of your eyelids.
295
00:18:24,803 --> 00:18:26,737
- Since you were six?
- Five.
296
00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:29,035
I've told you a million times.
297
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,269
When I was a kid,
they were mostly Westerns.
298
00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:36,713
But then around 10,
things kind of changed.
299
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:41,219
Harry Bannerman in Red Dust.
300
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:44,278
With Jean Harlow.
301
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:48,122
Of course, in- in my version,
I took her away from Clark Gable...
302
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:52,630
which was quite a trick considering
that I was only three feet tall.
303
00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:55,861
You know, I've been discussing this
with Sally Stengel's brother.
304
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:58,027
He thinks it's
a definite neurotic symptom.
305
00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:01,630
- It's a gift.
- Not according to Sally Stengel's brother.
306
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:03,732
However, he says
it really isn't serious...
307
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,073
and he can probably stop it
in six weeks' therapy.
308
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:09,114
Stop it?
Honey, it saved my life a thousand times.
309
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:13,618
Town meetings, P.T.A., lectures...
310
00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:16,779
and often when we have company.
311
00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:21,189
And may I ask what's playing at
the Harry Bannerman Theater tonight?
312
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:23,421
[Harry]
It's a movie I created myself.
313
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:25,963
And I can twist it any way I want.
314
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:29,023
Harry, beloved, I have traveled
halfway round the globe...
315
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:31,092
to tell you
I'm ready to make amends.
316
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,662
No more committees,
no more outside activities.
317
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:39,370
I am ready to spend
all my waking hours making you happy.
318
00:19:39,444 --> 00:19:43,107
You are my life, my love, my all...
319
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,650
and I'm ready to prove it.
320
00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:48,550
Darling, what more can I say...
321
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:52,056
after I say "I'm ready"?
322
00:19:58,997 --> 00:20:02,330
Harry Bannerman, I'm ready.!
323
00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:04,392
Mm-hmm.
324
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:09,801
- Harry!
- Grace, let's skip the meeting and stay home.
325
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,036
- Grace, I love you.
- I love you too, but you're messing me up!
326
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:14,806
- Well?
- Honey, we gotta go to the meeting.
327
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,008
- We can't stay here?
- [Chuckling] No.
328
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:21,951
Okay. Okay, tonight's the town meeting,
and tomorrow's the pageant.
329
00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:24,454
Saturday is Danny's birthday, but Dickie Sutphen
and Billy Nye have gotta learn how to dance...
330
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:26,457
so they can't have
the birthday party until Sunday.
331
00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:29,050
On Monday, you gotta take Peter and have
his bite plate fixed. But on Tuesday-
332
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:33,257
On Tuesday, you and I
are checking in to the St. Regis Hotel...
333
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,823
come rain, snow or gloom of night.
334
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,835
[Chuckling]
335
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,838
Now, we may get there a little late
for breakfast in bed, but we'll be there-
336
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,840
- We'll get there in time for lunch?
- In bed.
337
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,934
- Is that a date?
- Yes.
338
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:48,411
Next Tuesday at the St. Regis
no matter what?
339
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,916
All right, you great big lovable,
overgrown boy.
340
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:56,080
You have a date at the St. Regis
next Tuesday no matter what.
341
00:20:57,789 --> 00:21:01,486
Let me up!
We gotta go!
342
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,256
Come on!
Come on.
343
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:06,957
Let's go in and take
a peek at the kids, hmm?
344
00:21:16,541 --> 00:21:19,942
[Girl]
Cinderella's sisters are two real cubes...
345
00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:23,709
but, uh, her fairy godmother
digs the action the most.
346
00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:25,716
"Oh, you wanna go to the ball?"
She asked.
347
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,911
"Crazy, dad,"
Cinderella says.
348
00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:32,480
And wham, bam, alakazam,
that no-talent pumpkin...
349
00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:38,518
suddenly turns into
a four-passenger T-Bird.
350
00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:42,260
And off they go to have themselves
a ball. Dig it?
351
00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:44,268
- The most.
- The most.
352
00:21:44,336 --> 00:21:47,237
At least our kids
are learning a foreign language.
353
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:50,104
Oh, you just don't dig it.
You're getting old.
354
00:21:50,175 --> 00:21:53,576
I am, huh?
Just wait until Tuesday.
355
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,215
Before going on,
I should like to pause briefly...
356
00:21:58,283 --> 00:22:02,242
to examine some of the broader aspects
of garbage disposal.
357
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:07,554
We must face the fact that
garbage disposal-wise...
358
00:22:07,626 --> 00:22:11,153
new vistas, new dimensions...
359
00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:15,632
new horizons
are daily being opened unto us.
360
00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:19,034
Even a superficial glance
at the facts reveals...
361
00:22:19,104 --> 00:22:21,504
that there are not one...
362
00:22:21,573 --> 00:22:26,010
but three basic methods
of garbage disposal.
363
00:22:36,421 --> 00:22:41,222
I have brought a loaf of bread,
a jug of wine.
364
00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:45,821
All I need is thou... now!
365
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:59,033
We must stand together.
And I am very pleased to report...
366
00:22:59,111 --> 00:23:01,045
- that if we stand together...
- [No Audible Dialogue]
367
00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:04,310
We can acquire the perfect
location for this plant-
368
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:07,580
the old Yarboro property
on Shore Road.
369
00:23:09,654 --> 00:23:12,953
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
370
00:23:13,024 --> 00:23:18,257
I own the old Yarboro property, and you're
not gonna get it for a- for a garbage plant.
371
00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:20,298
Mr. Crummitt, may l-
372
00:23:20,365 --> 00:23:23,027
Now, let's save some words,
Mr. Moderator.
373
00:23:23,101 --> 00:23:25,831
You're going to ask me,
"Why not?"
374
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:28,668
And I'm going to tell you
I've sold it.
375
00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:31,402
And you're gonna ask me
who bought it...
376
00:23:31,476 --> 00:23:34,240
and I'm gonna tell you who-
377
00:23:34,312 --> 00:23:36,246
the United States Army.
378
00:23:36,314 --> 00:23:37,906
- [Woman] What?
- [Murmuring]
379
00:23:37,983 --> 00:23:40,816
Why is the army moving into
a peaceful little village like this?
380
00:23:40,886 --> 00:23:42,854
What about our daughters?
381
00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:45,219
Our daughters
have been gently reared.
382
00:23:45,290 --> 00:23:47,656
What'll happen to
these pure, innocent girls...
383
00:23:47,726 --> 00:23:50,627
when the town is filled
with soldiers?
384
00:23:50,695 --> 00:23:54,859
- Mr. Crummitt-
- I knew you were gonna get back to me.
385
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:59,370
Now, you're going to ask me, "What does
the army want with that property?"
386
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:02,874
And I'm going to tell you
word for word-
387
00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:07,071
verbatim-
exactly what they told me- nothing!
388
00:24:07,145 --> 00:24:09,340
- Top secret.
- [Man] Atom bombs!
389
00:24:09,414 --> 00:24:11,348
- [Murmuring]
- The whole town might blow up!
390
00:24:11,416 --> 00:24:16,513
Order, please. We must have order.
His Honor has the floor.
391
00:24:16,588 --> 00:24:19,648
Fellow citizens, as your mayor,
I can safely say...
392
00:24:19,724 --> 00:24:23,558
that our town faces the greatest crisis
since Samuel Putnam was scalped.
393
00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:25,562
- [Murmuring]
- Absolutely!
394
00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:28,599
Are we going to sit by and
be calmly blasted into kingdom come?
395
00:24:28,667 --> 00:24:30,601
[All]
No!
396
00:24:30,669 --> 00:24:33,137
Let's forget all this
silly talk about garbage...
397
00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:36,174
and get on to the important problem
we've got ahead of us.
398
00:24:36,241 --> 00:24:39,108
We've gotta keep this top secret
out of Putnam's Landing.
399
00:24:39,177 --> 00:24:42,237
Bravo!
400
00:24:44,382 --> 00:24:47,943
[Woman] Mr. Moderator,
I move that we form a committee right now.
401
00:24:48,019 --> 00:24:52,149
The Women's Safety Committee
for the Protection of Putnam's Landing.
402
00:24:52,224 --> 00:24:56,024
And as chairman of that committee,
I would like to nominate...
403
00:24:56,094 --> 00:24:59,063
the most public-spirited citizen
it has ever been my honor to know-
404
00:24:59,130 --> 00:25:00,995
Mrs. Harry Bannerman.!
405
00:25:01,066 --> 00:25:03,057
[Cheering]
406
00:25:11,009 --> 00:25:14,103
No, you're swearing off, remember?
407
00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:16,170
But they need me.
408
00:25:27,826 --> 00:25:31,887
Ladies and gentlemen,
friends and neighbors...
409
00:25:31,963 --> 00:25:34,659
fellow citizens...
410
00:25:34,733 --> 00:25:37,725
I am humbly grateful
for this great honor...
411
00:25:37,802 --> 00:25:39,997
this chairmanship of the-
412
00:25:40,071 --> 00:25:42,266
- What was that name?
- Women's Safety Committee.
413
00:25:42,340 --> 00:25:44,274
The Women's Safety Committee...
414
00:25:44,342 --> 00:25:46,276
- for the Protection of Public's-
- For the Protection of Putnam's Landing.
415
00:25:46,344 --> 00:25:48,812
Putnam's Landing, yes.
Thank you.
416
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,782
Now, of course, we're all aware
that we have to act quickly.
417
00:25:52,851 --> 00:25:56,480
So I move that we appoint a spokesman
to go to Washington...
418
00:25:56,555 --> 00:26:01,754
and tell whoever's in charge that they will
have to move their top secret someplace else!
419
00:26:01,826 --> 00:26:04,420
Who has the public
relations experience...
420
00:26:04,496 --> 00:26:07,590
the strength and the courage
to put the Pentagon in its place...
421
00:26:07,666 --> 00:26:10,794
and convince them that
we mean to fight this-this-
422
00:26:10,869 --> 00:26:12,837
whatever it is
no matter what the consequences?
423
00:26:12,904 --> 00:26:16,271
For this vital mission,
I appoint...
424
00:26:16,341 --> 00:26:19,708
none other than my husband,
Harry Bannerman.!
425
00:26:19,778 --> 00:26:22,542
- [Cheering]
- [Man] I second it.!
426
00:26:22,614 --> 00:26:26,448
Motion has been made and seconded
to appoint Mr. Bannerman spokesman.
427
00:26:26,518 --> 00:26:28,509
- All those in favor.
- [All] Aye!
428
00:26:28,587 --> 00:26:31,078
- Opposed?
- Nay.
429
00:26:31,156 --> 00:26:33,090
[Mr. Moderator]
Motion is carried. Mr. Bannerman...
430
00:26:33,158 --> 00:26:35,319
how soon can you be ready
to go to Washington?
431
00:26:35,393 --> 00:26:37,827
Oh, he can be ready to go on Monday.
Can't you, Harry?
432
00:26:37,896 --> 00:26:40,490
Mmm.
Peter's bite plate.
433
00:26:40,565 --> 00:26:43,557
I forgot about that.
Then you can go next Tuesday.
434
00:26:44,169 --> 00:26:47,730
No- No, next Tuesday
is definitely out of the question.
435
00:26:47,806 --> 00:26:51,537
- Why?
- Well, I'll tell you why. My wife and I are-
436
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:53,703
Harry, please.
437
00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:55,905
He'll be glad to go,
Mr. Moderator.
438
00:26:55,981 --> 00:26:58,381
Good.
Well, that's it.
439
00:27:04,756 --> 00:27:06,690
[Narrator]
Grace immediately called a meeting...
440
00:27:06,758 --> 00:27:10,125
of the Women's Safety Committee
for the Protection of Putnam's Landing.
441
00:27:10,195 --> 00:27:12,561
So poor Harry took Angela home.
442
00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:17,591
And that's how Harry got his first drink,
and his second, third and fourth.
443
00:27:17,669 --> 00:27:22,663
On reaching his fifth, Angela decided
to get into something more comfortable.
444
00:27:22,741 --> 00:27:24,868
[Spraying]
445
00:27:24,943 --> 00:27:26,911
What's on your mind, Harry?
446
00:27:26,978 --> 00:27:31,381
[Snickers]
I'd rather not say.
447
00:27:31,449 --> 00:27:33,349
Well, give me a little hint.
448
00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:39,580
That's a-That's a devastating outfit
you have on, Angela.
449
00:27:39,658 --> 00:27:42,456
I'm glad you like it.
450
00:27:45,764 --> 00:27:49,097
[Spraying]
451
00:27:49,167 --> 00:27:52,136
Grace, uh-
Grace used to have a devastating outfit.
452
00:27:52,203 --> 00:27:54,137
- Oh?
- Yeah, when we were first married...
453
00:27:54,205 --> 00:27:56,571
she had this, uh-
she had this pink peignoir.
454
00:27:56,641 --> 00:27:58,575
Mmm!
455
00:27:58,643 --> 00:28:00,577
That's a transparent bathrobe,
only pink.
456
00:28:00,645 --> 00:28:03,113
- Mmm. She must have looked
like a living doll.
- Yes, she did.
457
00:28:03,181 --> 00:28:04,944
And, uh,
we were very happy then.
458
00:28:05,016 --> 00:28:08,952
I guess most people are at first.
Well, what happened?
459
00:28:13,291 --> 00:28:16,226
Well, uh, she spilled
cod liver oil on it.
460
00:28:16,294 --> 00:28:19,161
- Mmm?
- Yeah, one night right
in the middle of everything...
461
00:28:19,230 --> 00:28:22,495
she suddenly remembered that
she hadn't given Peter his cod liver oil.
462
00:28:22,567 --> 00:28:24,626
Oh, well, that's a shame.
463
00:28:24,703 --> 00:28:28,639
I guess a pink peignoir loses its magic
when it has cod liver oil all over it.
464
00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:32,803
[Chuckles] Yeah, the cleaners tried,
but it was never the same.
465
00:28:32,877 --> 00:28:37,143
She finally gave it to the janitor's wife
and never got another one.
466
00:28:38,683 --> 00:28:40,651
I don't know what to say, Harry.
467
00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:46,419
Well, of course, that...
made me look kind of silly.
468
00:28:46,491 --> 00:28:48,425
Why?
469
00:28:48,493 --> 00:28:51,428
Well, you see, I had
this black dressing gown that l-
470
00:28:51,496 --> 00:28:56,229
I sort of slipped into it when Grace
slipped in and out of her pink peignoir.
471
00:28:56,301 --> 00:28:58,496
[Chuckles]
472
00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:00,800
With the pink peignoir gone,
why, suddenly...
473
00:29:00,872 --> 00:29:03,602
the black dressing gown
didn't mean very much.
474
00:29:03,675 --> 00:29:05,870
She finally gave that
to the janitor.
475
00:29:05,944 --> 00:29:09,641
I mean, it must've worked
because within a year, they had twins.
476
00:29:09,714 --> 00:29:12,444
I had no idea, Harry.
477
00:29:12,517 --> 00:29:15,748
You've led a very tragic life.
478
00:29:15,820 --> 00:29:17,811
Oh, I'm not complaining.
It's just that sometimes...
479
00:29:17,889 --> 00:29:20,414
I get this...
480
00:29:20,492 --> 00:29:23,256
kind of helpless-
481
00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:32,092
We've both had
quite a bit to drink.
482
00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:36,470
[Whispering]
Angela, I think I'd better go home now.
483
00:29:36,541 --> 00:29:38,475
[Whispering]
Why?
484
00:29:38,543 --> 00:29:42,946
Grace told you to take me home
and not wait up for her.
485
00:29:43,014 --> 00:29:47,474
And the meeting may go on for hours
and hours, so why hurry home?
486
00:29:47,552 --> 00:29:49,383
Hmm.
I don't know.
487
00:29:49,454 --> 00:29:51,854
[Chuckles]
488
00:29:51,923 --> 00:29:54,824
When you get right down to it,
I don't know.
489
00:29:54,893 --> 00:29:58,090
Well, ring-a-ding-ding.
490
00:29:58,163 --> 00:30:01,428
- Well, ring-a-ding-ding.
- [Giggling]
491
00:30:02,700 --> 00:30:05,669
## [Rumba]
492
00:30:18,016 --> 00:30:21,782
I think I could be very funny
if I could just think of something to say.
493
00:30:21,853 --> 00:30:23,946
Well, how about,
"Shall we dance"?
494
00:30:24,022 --> 00:30:26,320
How about that?
495
00:30:26,391 --> 00:30:30,191
Shall we?
May I take off my jacket?
496
00:30:31,930 --> 00:30:34,023
Ch-Ch-Cha!
497
00:30:34,098 --> 00:30:36,123
Choo, choo, choo.
498
00:30:38,603 --> 00:30:41,572
One, two, three.
One, two. One, two, three.
499
00:30:41,639 --> 00:30:46,008
One, two. One, two, three.
One, two. One, two, three.
500
00:30:46,077 --> 00:30:49,069
One, two. One, two, three.
One, two.
501
00:30:49,147 --> 00:30:52,548
Cha-cha-cha.
One, two. Cha-cha-cha.
502
00:30:52,617 --> 00:30:54,608
One, two, three.
503
00:30:56,354 --> 00:30:58,345
Ooh.
504
00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:01,291
Cha.
505
00:31:04,896 --> 00:31:06,989
[Chuckles]
506
00:31:07,065 --> 00:31:09,898
- You live here alone?
- No, I have a roommate.
507
00:31:09,968 --> 00:31:11,936
Oh!
508
00:31:12,003 --> 00:31:15,871
- But he's away in Hollywood tonight.
- My roommate's away too.
509
00:31:15,940 --> 00:31:18,238
- Isn't that a coincidence?
- Yes, it is.
510
00:31:18,309 --> 00:31:21,335
I wonder if coincidences
have a meaning?
511
00:31:21,412 --> 00:31:25,473
- Leads to exciting thinking, doesn't it?
- Mm-hmm.
512
00:31:25,550 --> 00:31:29,418
- Dangerous thinking if we weren't both so strong.
- Yes.
513
00:31:29,487 --> 00:31:31,978
I think I'd better
have another drink...
514
00:31:32,056 --> 00:31:34,456
so I can think clearer.
515
00:31:34,525 --> 00:31:37,323
I've got just what you need.
516
00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:40,296
Well, hot-choo-choo-choo.
517
00:31:54,012 --> 00:31:55,138
[Bell Tolling]
518
00:31:57,282 --> 00:32:00,376
- [Glass Shattering]
- [Angela Laughing Hysterically]
519
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,748
Oh, you should've seen
what happened!
520
00:32:04,822 --> 00:32:07,052
I broke one of
the lightbulbs with my head!
521
00:32:07,125 --> 00:32:11,221
[Indistinct]
Because I was laughing-
522
00:32:11,296 --> 00:32:15,392
Harry? Harry?
523
00:32:15,466 --> 00:32:17,934
## [Singing, Indistinct]
524
00:32:18,002 --> 00:32:22,701
Harry! Harry, come down!
525
00:32:25,109 --> 00:32:29,978
- ## [Singing Continues]
- Harry.!
526
00:32:30,048 --> 00:32:34,212
Stop it, Angela!
Don't laugh like that!
527
00:32:34,285 --> 00:32:36,879
- Harry-
- [Laughing Hysterically]
528
00:32:36,955 --> 00:32:40,482
Don't laugh at me!
I'm losing my grip!
529
00:32:40,558 --> 00:32:42,788
You're losing your grip!
530
00:32:42,860 --> 00:32:46,990
[Both Laughing Hysterically]
531
00:32:50,068 --> 00:32:55,631
Harry, you're the funniest man
I've ever seen in my life!
532
00:32:58,876 --> 00:33:01,538
Will you stop being so funny?
533
00:33:01,612 --> 00:33:05,548
I'm not-
I'm not trying to be funny!
534
00:33:05,616 --> 00:33:07,675
Harry?
535
00:33:07,752 --> 00:33:11,347
- Now, listen. Come on.
- [Laughing Continues]
536
00:33:11,422 --> 00:33:13,822
Now, stop.
I wanna show you something.
537
00:33:13,891 --> 00:33:17,292
Come on.
Now, come on! Get up.
538
00:33:17,362 --> 00:33:20,058
Don't tell me you got
a man under your bed?
539
00:33:20,131 --> 00:33:22,759
Oh, Harry, isn't that funny?
540
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:27,032
What am- Now, wait.
What am I gonna see when I get there?
541
00:33:27,105 --> 00:33:29,232
Just me.
542
00:33:33,778 --> 00:33:36,838
[Laughter Continues]
543
00:33:36,914 --> 00:33:38,848
Oh, God!
544
00:33:38,916 --> 00:33:42,443
Angela Hoffa,
I'd know that face anywhere!
545
00:33:48,226 --> 00:33:50,660
Oh, no!
Oh-
546
00:33:50,728 --> 00:33:55,688
No, Angela, I gotta go home
before I collapse.
547
00:33:57,902 --> 00:34:01,633
And if I collapse,
you'll have to send for the doctor.
548
00:34:01,706 --> 00:34:05,267
And there'll be a scandal
in Putnam's Landing!
549
00:34:07,378 --> 00:34:09,903
- You know something?
- What?
550
00:34:09,981 --> 00:34:12,575
Oscar wouldn't like this.
551
00:34:12,650 --> 00:34:14,982
Grace wouldn't like it either.
552
00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:17,578
Oh! Oh! Oh!
553
00:34:17,655 --> 00:34:21,421
I'll never have another night
like this again until the day I die.
554
00:34:23,561 --> 00:34:26,894
- Well, hot-cha-cha!
- Cha-cha-cha!
555
00:34:34,372 --> 00:34:37,068
[Narrator] While Harry
takes his problem to Washington...
556
00:34:37,141 --> 00:34:40,542
the Bannerman's babysitter
has a problem ofher own.
557
00:34:40,611 --> 00:34:42,909
Daddy-O, I wanna talk to you.
558
00:34:42,980 --> 00:34:47,041
You do? How unusual.
Is there something wrong?
559
00:34:47,118 --> 00:34:50,918
Oh, I'm bugged, Daddy-O.
Something weird has happened.
560
00:34:50,988 --> 00:34:56,688
- All of a sudden, I like boys!
- Oh?
561
00:34:56,761 --> 00:34:59,787
No, no, Daddy-O.
I don't just like 'em.
562
00:34:59,864 --> 00:35:03,300
I mean, I go all ape
when I even think about 'em.
563
00:35:03,367 --> 00:35:05,301
- [Squeals]
- I see.
564
00:35:05,369 --> 00:35:08,736
Uh, when did you first observe
this, uh, phenomenon?
565
00:35:08,806 --> 00:35:11,900
This-This morning when
Grady Metcalf got his motorcycle.
566
00:35:11,976 --> 00:35:13,910
You see,
yesterday was his birthday...
567
00:35:13,978 --> 00:35:16,674
and his fossils promised him
a motorcycle if he passed math.
568
00:35:16,747 --> 00:35:19,215
By "fossils,"
I presume you mean parents?
569
00:35:19,283 --> 00:35:22,548
- What else?
- Excuse me. Am I also to understand...
570
00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:24,884
that Grady Metcalf passed math?
571
00:35:24,956 --> 00:35:27,049
- Weirdsville, ain't it?
- It is indeed.
572
00:35:27,125 --> 00:35:29,059
Well, he must've cheated.
573
00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:31,061
Well, anyhow, Grady Metcalf...
574
00:35:31,129 --> 00:35:34,223
who is one of the really
serious meatballs of our generation...
575
00:35:34,298 --> 00:35:37,290
took me out riding on
his motorcycle this afternoon.
576
00:35:37,368 --> 00:35:39,359
And do you know what?
All of a sudden...
577
00:35:39,437 --> 00:35:42,235
he didn't seem like
such a serious meatball at all.
578
00:35:42,306 --> 00:35:44,900
- Weirdsville.
- You're getting sharp.
579
00:35:44,976 --> 00:35:47,570
But that's not the worst of it.
All of a sudden...
580
00:35:47,645 --> 00:35:50,170
all the boys
seemed good to me.
581
00:35:50,248 --> 00:35:52,546
[Horn Honking]
582
00:35:52,617 --> 00:35:55,950
- Oh!
- That is, I take it,
in the nature of a mating call?
583
00:35:56,020 --> 00:35:58,614
- It's Grady!
- [Honking Continues]
584
00:35:58,689 --> 00:36:00,623
Stop!
585
00:36:00,691 --> 00:36:03,592
Oh, I just hear that silly horn,
and I go all ape!
586
00:36:03,661 --> 00:36:06,994
Daddy-O,
why do I feel this way?
587
00:36:07,064 --> 00:36:10,522
Comfort, child,
if the good Lord in his wisdom...
588
00:36:10,601 --> 00:36:12,967
had not seen fit
to take your mother...
589
00:36:13,037 --> 00:36:15,665
perhaps she could answer you.
590
00:36:15,740 --> 00:36:18,937
All I can say is that no matter
how bewildering it all seems...
591
00:36:19,010 --> 00:36:23,470
it is all quite natural, and soon,
everything will be in order again.
592
00:36:23,548 --> 00:36:26,142
Oh, crazy.
But what do I do in the meantime?
593
00:36:26,217 --> 00:36:29,675
In the meantime,
you've got 300 years...
594
00:36:29,754 --> 00:36:32,245
of Puritan blood in your veins.
595
00:36:32,323 --> 00:36:35,588
- Listen to it.
- Okay.
596
00:36:35,660 --> 00:36:39,562
- Good night, Daddy-O.
- Good night, Comfort.
597
00:36:39,797 --> 00:36:42,698
[Grady] Tell me something, hey.
What do you got against kissin'?
598
00:36:42,767 --> 00:36:44,792
[Comfort]
I don't know. I just don't like it.
599
00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:47,167
Well, how do you know
you don't like it, hey?
600
00:36:47,238 --> 00:36:49,570
Uh-
601
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,801
Did you ever try?
602
00:36:51,876 --> 00:36:53,810
- No.
- [Clicks Tongue]
603
00:36:53,878 --> 00:36:56,403
Oh, look.
Don't be a cube!
604
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,812
L-l-I mean, there's nothin' to it.
605
00:36:58,883 --> 00:37:01,215
You just-
You just gotta remember to-
606
00:37:01,285 --> 00:37:05,722
to close your eyes
and breathe through your nose.
607
00:37:05,790 --> 00:37:09,988
Close your eyes and
breathe through your nose.
608
00:37:15,499 --> 00:37:18,400
There, now, uh, was that so bad?
609
00:37:18,469 --> 00:37:20,460
No.
610
00:37:21,639 --> 00:37:23,630
Do you like it?
611
00:37:23,708 --> 00:37:27,405
- Yeah.
- Well, okay then!
612
00:37:29,313 --> 00:37:31,804
Mmm! Mmm!
613
00:37:31,882 --> 00:37:34,783
- [Gasps]
- [Groans]
614
00:37:38,489 --> 00:37:41,481
[Screams, Gasps]
615
00:37:41,559 --> 00:37:45,051
Now, why'd you wanna go and do that for?
L-I thought you liked kissin'.
616
00:37:45,129 --> 00:37:47,063
Oh, I do!
617
00:37:47,131 --> 00:37:50,623
L-I just figured it out.
Kissing is wonderful.
618
00:37:50,701 --> 00:37:53,602
It's you I can't stand.
619
00:37:56,641 --> 00:37:58,575
[Narrator]
Across the Potomac...
620
00:37:58,643 --> 00:38:00,577
from Washington, D.C.
Stands the Pentagon...
621
00:38:00,645 --> 00:38:03,409
mighty nerve center
of our nation's defense...
622
00:38:03,481 --> 00:38:08,748
with 171/2 miles of corridors
and 40 snack bars.
623
00:38:08,819 --> 00:38:11,652
Do you realize that
this is your first assignment...
624
00:38:11,722 --> 00:38:14,520
since the army got rid of its mules?
625
00:38:14,592 --> 00:38:18,084
[Both Chuckling]
626
00:38:18,162 --> 00:38:20,221
- [Intercom Buzzes]
- Yes?
627
00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:22,425
[Woman]
Mr. Bannerman is here to see you, sir.
628
00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:24,434
Send him in.
629
00:38:24,502 --> 00:38:26,561
Here are the special orders
for your troop detachment.
630
00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:30,403
You'll pick them up in Tennessee and
have them in Putnam's Landing by the 27 th.
631
00:38:30,474 --> 00:38:32,908
- Yes, sir.
- [Door Opens]
632
00:38:32,977 --> 00:38:36,469
- Oh.
- How do you do, Mr. Bannerman?
633
00:38:36,547 --> 00:38:38,913
I'm General Thorwald.
634
00:38:38,983 --> 00:38:40,917
Oh, yes. How do you do, General?
Pleased to meet you.
635
00:38:40,985 --> 00:38:43,351
- My pleasure. This is Captain Hoxie.
- How do you do, Captain?
636
00:38:43,421 --> 00:38:48,757
I've asked him to be present because he'll be
in command of the troops at Putnam's Landing.
637
00:38:48,826 --> 00:38:52,762
Now then, Mr. Bannerman,
why don't you tell us what's on your mind.
638
00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:55,890
Oh, yes. Well, um, uh,
the reason I'm here, General, is, uh...
639
00:38:55,966 --> 00:38:58,662
I'm in the public relations business,
and I have, uh-
640
00:38:58,736 --> 00:39:01,864
Well, I'm alleged to have
a certain persuasiveness-
641
00:39:01,939 --> 00:39:04,931
a command of the English language
as it were.
642
00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:07,671
Well, uh, at any rate, uh...
643
00:39:07,745 --> 00:39:09,679
you see, my wife sent me to-
644
00:39:09,747 --> 00:39:13,205
I mean, the whole town
sent me down to try to attempt...
645
00:39:13,284 --> 00:39:17,152
to dissuade you people
from putting your highly secret, uh...
646
00:39:17,221 --> 00:39:21,715
whatever it is thing
in Putnam's Landing.
647
00:39:21,792 --> 00:39:25,455
The point is, General, that ours being
a very simple residential community...
648
00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:27,588
why, we-
it's the town's feeling...
649
00:39:27,665 --> 00:39:30,657
that this highly-
this thing, whatever it is...
650
00:39:30,735 --> 00:39:33,568
will drastically upset
the social equilibrium...
651
00:39:33,637 --> 00:39:36,162
and the real estate values
and that sort of thing.
652
00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:38,174
Yes, well,
I hope you understand.
653
00:39:38,242 --> 00:39:40,540
Oh, you needn't be embarrassed,
Mr. Bannerman.
654
00:39:40,611 --> 00:39:44,240
The army is somewhat accustomed
to experiencing, uh, civilian opposition.
655
00:39:44,315 --> 00:39:48,479
What's all this bunk about
social equilibrium and real estate values?
656
00:39:48,552 --> 00:39:51,680
Everybody agrees
we gotta have an army, sure...
657
00:39:51,756 --> 00:39:53,690
but not in our town, eh?
658
00:39:53,758 --> 00:39:57,159
Oh, no, no, no.
Just put 'em in somebody else's town.
659
00:39:57,228 --> 00:39:59,856
- Wait, Captain. That isn't what-
- Mr. Bannerman, the point is-
660
00:39:59,930 --> 00:40:02,125
The point is that Putnam's Landing
is full of yellow-livered...
661
00:40:02,199 --> 00:40:04,360
money-grubbing,
potbellied feather merchants.
662
00:40:04,435 --> 00:40:08,132
If I had my way, I'd line 'em all against the wall
and shoot the whole creepy mess of'em...
663
00:40:08,205 --> 00:40:10,833
beginning with you,
you buck-passing civilian.
664
00:40:10,908 --> 00:40:14,400
Now, wait a minute, Captain.
I did my part in the last war...
665
00:40:14,478 --> 00:40:16,412
and I'm still
in the naval reserve.
666
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:21,440
Ah! Ah.
A summer vacation sailor, huh?
667
00:40:21,519 --> 00:40:23,453
Serving this nation
on a full-time basis...
668
00:40:23,521 --> 00:40:26,115
ain't good enough
for high-class guys like you.
669
00:40:26,190 --> 00:40:29,990
- That's strictly for slobs like
me and the general here, huh?
- Captain Hoxie!
670
00:40:30,060 --> 00:40:32,961
Yeah.
671
00:40:33,030 --> 00:40:35,021
All right, mister.
Okay.
672
00:40:35,099 --> 00:40:38,364
We'll save your bacon for you.
We always have, we always will.
673
00:40:38,436 --> 00:40:40,404
But just keep out of our way.
674
00:40:40,471 --> 00:40:42,701
And don't try to stop us
from performing our duty.
675
00:40:42,773 --> 00:40:45,833
Captain Hoxie, that will be all.
Wait outside till I send for you.
676
00:40:45,910 --> 00:40:48,208
- Yes, sir.
- Mr. Bannerman-
677
00:40:48,279 --> 00:40:52,978
I'll see you in Putnam's Landing,
feather merchant.
678
00:40:53,050 --> 00:40:55,848
Mr. Bannerman,
permit me to apologize.
679
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,912
- [Door Slams Shut]
- Captain Hoxie is a fathead. I mean, he's a hothead.
680
00:40:58,989 --> 00:41:01,321
But he's a good soldier.
681
00:41:01,392 --> 00:41:03,792
Please, General, uh,
don't apologize to me.
682
00:41:03,861 --> 00:41:07,319
I, uh- I mean,
I said what I had to say...
683
00:41:07,398 --> 00:41:09,332
but my heart wasn't in it.
684
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:12,597
I apologize for me, and...
685
00:41:12,670 --> 00:41:16,037
well, I apologize
for Putnam's Landing, and-
686
00:41:16,106 --> 00:41:18,040
Well, mostly
I apologize for my wife...
687
00:41:18,108 --> 00:41:21,134
who got me into this preposterous position
to begin with.
688
00:41:21,212 --> 00:41:25,205
Now, I don't know what
you're gonna do in Putnam's Landing...
689
00:41:25,282 --> 00:41:28,410
and I of course know that the army
is under no obligation to tell me.
690
00:41:28,486 --> 00:41:32,582
But whatever I can do up there, General,
for you public relations-wise...
691
00:41:32,656 --> 00:41:35,420
why, you just let me know.
692
00:41:35,493 --> 00:41:38,587
[Chuckles]
And, uh, with that hot fathead-
693
00:41:38,662 --> 00:41:40,596
Uh, to use your own words,
that hot fathead in charge...
694
00:41:40,664 --> 00:41:42,598
you're gonna need plenty of help.
695
00:41:42,666 --> 00:41:44,657
Thank you, Mr. Bannerman.
696
00:41:44,735 --> 00:41:47,795
Thank you very much.
Send Captain Hoxie in.
697
00:41:47,872 --> 00:41:50,898
Yes, well, thank you, General.
And, remember, if I can be of any help-
698
00:41:50,975 --> 00:41:54,411
- I'll call on you.
- Thank you.
699
00:41:54,478 --> 00:41:56,537
- [Thump]
- [Loud Yell]
700
00:41:59,049 --> 00:42:01,711
[Chuckles]
Well, good-day.
701
00:42:09,393 --> 00:42:12,191
- 412, please.
- We've moved you into a suite, Mr. Bannerman.
702
00:42:12,263 --> 00:42:14,322
- 608.
- What do you mean, you moved me?
703
00:42:14,398 --> 00:42:17,196
- Mrs. Bannerman insisted on it.
- Mrs. Bannerman?
704
00:42:17,268 --> 00:42:19,566
That's right.
She checked in about a half hour ago.
705
00:42:19,637 --> 00:42:21,571
You mean Mrs. Bannerman
is here in Washington?
706
00:42:21,639 --> 00:42:23,664
She's upstairs waiting
for you right now.
707
00:42:23,741 --> 00:42:27,302
No kidding?
How about that Grace?
708
00:42:27,378 --> 00:42:29,903
How about that girl?
709
00:42:35,753 --> 00:42:38,153
Hello?
Give me room service, please.
710
00:42:38,222 --> 00:42:40,349
## [Humming]
711
00:42:40,424 --> 00:42:42,415
Hello? Uh, this is
Mr. Bannerman speaking.
712
00:42:42,493 --> 00:42:44,927
Would you please send a tray of caviar
and a bottle of champagne...
713
00:42:44,995 --> 00:42:47,486
to, uh- to, uh, suite 608?
714
00:42:47,565 --> 00:42:50,534
Yes. Well, just make it, uh...
715
00:42:50,601 --> 00:42:53,661
lots and lots of caviar,
service for two, and immediately.
716
00:42:53,737 --> 00:42:57,764
Well, I don't care, just as long as it's French
and it's large. Make it a magnum.
717
00:43:28,973 --> 00:43:30,907
[Gasps]
718
00:43:46,290 --> 00:43:48,281
Hello, Harry.
719
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,254
- Where's Grace?
- In Putnam's Landing, I imagine...
720
00:43:53,330 --> 00:43:56,094
doing something noble
and civic-minded.
721
00:44:00,037 --> 00:44:03,564
Harry, I'm not going to bite you.
722
00:44:12,082 --> 00:44:15,347
[Chuckling]
723
00:44:15,419 --> 00:44:19,048
Hadn't you better come in
before a crowd gathers?
724
00:44:26,063 --> 00:44:29,464
He said, uh, at the desk
that Mrs. Bannerman had checked in.
725
00:44:29,533 --> 00:44:32,627
Well, I suppose I could've registered
as Mrs. Hoffa.
726
00:44:32,703 --> 00:44:35,001
But I was afraid eyebrows
might've been raised.
727
00:44:35,072 --> 00:44:37,802
You know how provincial
they are in Washington.
728
00:44:39,176 --> 00:44:41,406
What are you doing here anyway?
729
00:44:41,478 --> 00:44:44,447
- Lobbying.
- Oh.
730
00:44:47,651 --> 00:44:50,449
[Laughing]
731
00:44:50,521 --> 00:44:53,149
I'm sorry, but you look so funny.
732
00:44:53,223 --> 00:44:56,852
I really can't tell
whether you're coming or going.
733
00:44:58,862 --> 00:45:01,763
But anyway, here we are...
734
00:45:01,832 --> 00:45:04,198
Mr. And Mrs. Harry Bannerman.
735
00:45:04,268 --> 00:45:05,895
- Oh.
- Mmm, I like the way that sounds.
736
00:45:05,969 --> 00:45:08,199
Yeah, and so does Grace.
737
00:45:08,272 --> 00:45:12,709
- Darling, you seem absolutely miserable.
- I am.
738
00:45:12,776 --> 00:45:16,803
Look, Angela, we just-
I mean, this is- this is improper.
739
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,973
Why?
We're both married.
740
00:45:19,049 --> 00:45:21,176
[Giggling]
741
00:45:21,251 --> 00:45:26,086
Aha. I know what the trouble is.
742
00:45:27,725 --> 00:45:30,751
Remember Pink Boudoir?
743
00:45:30,828 --> 00:45:34,787
I wore only one drop the other day,
and you became quite excited.
744
00:45:34,865 --> 00:45:37,800
Two drops, they say,
is guaranteed to reduce any man...
745
00:45:37,868 --> 00:45:40,701
to a quivering,
whimpering mass of jelly.
746
00:45:40,771 --> 00:45:43,171
Angela, please. In that case,
I wouldn't go fooling around with it...
747
00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:45,174
'cause I'm a quivering,
whimpering mass of jelly right now.
748
00:45:45,242 --> 00:45:48,837
Oh, but it all seemed
to go together so nicely.
749
00:45:48,912 --> 00:45:53,042
Pink perfume, pink peignoir...
750
00:45:53,117 --> 00:45:55,051
pink me.
751
00:45:55,119 --> 00:45:58,054
[Giggles]
Oh!
752
00:45:58,122 --> 00:46:01,421
Darling, it seems to be stuck.
Here, you try it.
753
00:46:01,492 --> 00:46:03,426
Angela, I wouldn't touch that
for a million dollars.
754
00:46:03,494 --> 00:46:06,122
Well, darling, we have to get it open.
I have this enormous investment.
755
00:46:06,196 --> 00:46:09,427
- Angela, please.
- Oh, well. All right. I'll call the bell captain.
756
00:46:09,500 --> 00:46:13,834
Oh, no! No, no, I'll do it.
[Grunting]
757
00:46:13,904 --> 00:46:16,873
You're so strong.
I love a man with powerful hands.
758
00:46:16,940 --> 00:46:19,431
[Banging]
759
00:46:19,510 --> 00:46:22,240
[Grunting]
760
00:46:22,312 --> 00:46:25,304
Oh! Darling, are you all right?
761
00:46:25,382 --> 00:46:29,011
[Sniffs]
Ooh!
762
00:46:31,121 --> 00:46:34,420
Smell the coat.
Just smell it.
763
00:46:34,491 --> 00:46:36,425
- I'll have to burn it or something.
- Mmm!
764
00:46:36,493 --> 00:46:39,462
That's the only suit I brought-
I'll never be able to go home like this.
765
00:46:39,530 --> 00:46:42,556
It smells delicious.
There's no question about that.
766
00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:46,000
Oh, I only wish you'd managed
to get a little of it on me.
767
00:46:48,105 --> 00:46:53,304
Well, maybe if we sort of hang it outside
and let the air get to it or something.
768
00:46:53,377 --> 00:46:56,244
You won't be needing it
for a while anyway.
769
00:46:58,782 --> 00:47:03,219
Mmm! I don't know how
you can resist you.
770
00:47:03,287 --> 00:47:06,222
- I know I can't.
- Oh, Angela, please.
771
00:47:06,290 --> 00:47:08,224
[Laughing]
772
00:47:08,292 --> 00:47:10,283
What-
773
00:47:12,462 --> 00:47:14,430
I won't be able
to go home for a week.
774
00:47:14,498 --> 00:47:16,966
Well, that's all right with me, Harry.
775
00:47:17,034 --> 00:47:19,161
Oh, that's very clever.
776
00:47:21,371 --> 00:47:23,305
Oh! Sorry.
777
00:47:23,373 --> 00:47:28,106
There you are, Black Beauty.
778
00:47:28,178 --> 00:47:31,147
You know, if I'd known you were gonna
spend so much time behind that chair...
779
00:47:31,215 --> 00:47:33,149
I'd have ordered a smaller suite.
780
00:47:33,217 --> 00:47:35,879
[Chuckles]
Angela, you just fracture me.
781
00:47:35,953 --> 00:47:39,821
Well!
It certainly is cozy, isn't it?
782
00:47:39,890 --> 00:47:42,688
Say, listen, I, uh-
I don't suppose...
783
00:47:42,759 --> 00:47:47,287
you'd be, uh, willing to slip
into something a little less cozy?
784
00:47:47,364 --> 00:47:51,960
Oh. Well, don't you like
my pretty, pink peignoir?
785
00:47:52,035 --> 00:47:53,969
I bought it especially for you.
786
00:47:54,037 --> 00:47:56,232
No, it's not that.
It's just that-
787
00:47:56,306 --> 00:47:59,742
[Exhales]
Grace used to have a pink kind of-
788
00:47:59,810 --> 00:48:01,675
Darling, I understand perfectly.
789
00:48:01,745 --> 00:48:04,578
I'm sure that it will be
a lot better like this.
790
00:48:04,648 --> 00:48:07,583
- That's worse.
- [Sighs]
791
00:48:07,651 --> 00:48:12,520
Well, Harry,
what else do you suggest?
792
00:48:12,589 --> 00:48:16,616
Oh, no.
Angela, take this and go.
793
00:48:16,693 --> 00:48:18,752
Okay. Fine!
I'm going!
794
00:48:18,829 --> 00:48:21,525
And don't come back
till you're dressed for the street!
795
00:48:21,598 --> 00:48:23,532
All right, all right.
Calm down. I'm going.
796
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:25,864
I'm going.
797
00:48:25,936 --> 00:48:29,497
Don't worry, Harry.
I'll think of something.
798
00:48:48,992 --> 00:48:51,119
Operator, get me the valet service.
799
00:48:54,364 --> 00:48:56,457
Valet service, this is 608.
How long would it take you...
800
00:48:56,533 --> 00:48:58,728
to have a suit
cleaned and pressed?
801
00:48:58,802 --> 00:49:01,134
Wait a minute!
Can you fumigate it?
802
00:49:01,204 --> 00:49:04,105
Oh. Uh, yes, put it on special,
super special.
803
00:49:04,174 --> 00:49:07,075
And beside that, hurry.
804
00:49:07,144 --> 00:49:10,580
Operator, uh, this is, uh-
Would you please, uh, call room service...
805
00:49:10,647 --> 00:49:12,979
and have them cancel that order
for champagne and caviar to room-
806
00:49:13,050 --> 00:49:16,451
- [Doorbell Buzzing]
- Never mind. It's here.
807
00:49:23,293 --> 00:49:25,284
[Giggles]
808
00:49:27,331 --> 00:49:30,129
Well, surprise!
809
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:33,795
Darling, you've won.
I said to myself when you left this morning...
810
00:49:33,870 --> 00:49:37,169
"Now, this is the day I promised Harry
we would start our second honeymoon.
811
00:49:37,240 --> 00:49:39,174
"And there he is all by himself.
812
00:49:39,242 --> 00:49:42,405
Now, this is cruelty,
not only to him but to me."
813
00:49:42,479 --> 00:49:45,380
So here I am feeling
all lovable and cuddly inside...
814
00:49:45,449 --> 00:49:48,179
and ready to make up
for everything.
815
00:49:48,251 --> 00:49:50,719
I'm gonna go down
and get a haircut.
816
00:49:50,787 --> 00:49:53,051
Honey, like that?
817
00:49:53,123 --> 00:49:57,958
Besides, to use your own words,
I don't think I can restrain myself.
818
00:50:01,965 --> 00:50:04,126
Why, Harry Bannerman!
819
00:50:04,201 --> 00:50:07,102
A suite, no less.
820
00:50:07,170 --> 00:50:09,730
Oh, you knew I was coming.
821
00:50:09,806 --> 00:50:12,297
Yes, you did too.
822
00:50:12,376 --> 00:50:14,867
Well, honey, don't stare at me
like that. I'm not a ghost.
823
00:50:14,945 --> 00:50:18,244
I'm for real,
and I'm here to prove it too.
824
00:50:18,315 --> 00:50:21,773
Oh.! Uh- Uh-
825
00:50:21,852 --> 00:50:24,616
You see?
I travel light.
826
00:50:27,824 --> 00:50:29,758
- [Chuckles]
- [Sighs]
827
00:50:29,826 --> 00:50:33,557
And since you look so comfortable,
I may as well go and get cozy myself.
828
00:50:33,630 --> 00:50:35,928
Oh, uh, Grace, honey,
I just wanna tell you one thing.
829
00:50:35,999 --> 00:50:38,695
I love you. I've always loved you
and I always will love you.
830
00:50:38,769 --> 00:50:41,431
But- But right now, Grace,
I love you the absolute most.
831
00:50:41,505 --> 00:50:45,441
I don't think a husband in the world could-
could love you as much as I do.
832
00:50:45,509 --> 00:50:50,208
- Now, would you believe that?
- Oh, darling, of course I believe you.
833
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:53,647
- And may I say something?
- What?
834
00:50:53,717 --> 00:50:57,778
I'm convinced.
Now, as Cleopatra once said:
835
00:50:57,854 --> 00:51:00,823
"Who takes the shower first, Mark?"
836
00:51:04,895 --> 00:51:09,594
Oh, flowers!
Darling, you think of everything.
837
00:51:09,666 --> 00:51:11,930
Harry, I've got some clothes on now.!
838
00:51:20,777 --> 00:51:24,110
## [Humming Middle Eastern Theme]
839
00:51:30,353 --> 00:51:33,117
## [Humming Continues]
840
00:51:52,182 --> 00:51:54,150
Oh, Grace. Grace.
You said you'd believe me.
841
00:51:54,217 --> 00:51:57,118
I had nothing to do with it.
It was a complete surprise.
842
00:51:58,121 --> 00:52:00,521
Your caviar and champagne, sir.
843
00:52:00,590 --> 00:52:04,321
You were right, Harry.
It was a complete surprise!
844
00:52:09,866 --> 00:52:12,528
- And then the fairy godmother
touched the pumpkin-
- [Sneezes]
845
00:52:12,602 --> 00:52:15,196
God bless you-
with her magic wand...
846
00:52:15,271 --> 00:52:17,796
and it turned into a coach.
847
00:52:17,874 --> 00:52:20,843
- Mommy, it isn't a coach. It's a T-Bird.
- [Blowing]
848
00:52:20,910 --> 00:52:23,879
- Yeah, T-Bird.
- Yeah, you're a cube, Mommy.
849
00:52:26,449 --> 00:52:28,542
I'm sorry, Mommy.
850
00:52:28,618 --> 00:52:33,021
No, it's all right.
You're absolutely right. Mommy is a cube.
851
00:52:34,224 --> 00:52:37,921
Well, run along upstairs
and get ready for bed.
852
00:52:39,863 --> 00:52:42,457
I'll be up to tuck you in later.
853
00:52:45,068 --> 00:52:47,468
- Good night.
- Good night.
854
00:52:50,673 --> 00:52:52,607
[Doorbell Buzzing]
855
00:52:57,747 --> 00:52:59,738
[Sighs]
856
00:53:01,050 --> 00:53:03,382
- Grace, before you slam the door-
- Hello, Harry.
857
00:53:03,453 --> 00:53:06,251
Come in.
I'm very glad you came.
858
00:53:06,322 --> 00:53:09,120
You are?
Oh, Grace, that-that's big of you.
859
00:53:09,192 --> 00:53:12,423
Yes, this way you can take your bags
with you. I won't have to send them.
860
00:53:12,495 --> 00:53:14,588
Grace, now-now wait a minute.
861
00:53:14,664 --> 00:53:16,962
There's a very, very simple
logical explanation to all of this.
862
00:53:17,033 --> 00:53:19,866
- I'm sure.
- It's not what you think.
I tried to get away from her.
863
00:53:19,936 --> 00:53:21,870
- But you couldn't.
- No, I couldn't.
864
00:53:21,938 --> 00:53:23,872
- Angela had a gun?
- No, it wasn't that either.
865
00:53:23,940 --> 00:53:26,272
- She had an ether cone?
- Honey, I didn't have any pant-
866
00:53:26,342 --> 00:53:28,867
I mean, uh, I wasn't dressed-
867
00:53:28,945 --> 00:53:30,936
Grace, please.
Now, you're making this very difficult.
868
00:53:31,014 --> 00:53:33,778
What did you expect?
A gold watch?
869
00:53:35,418 --> 00:53:40,378
Harry, I have thought this all over,
and it is very clear to me now.
870
00:53:40,457 --> 00:53:44,120
I just don't want to be
married to you anymore.
871
00:53:44,194 --> 00:53:46,128
Grace, now that's ridiculous.
872
00:53:46,196 --> 00:53:48,630
- What are you saying? I love you.
- I can't believe that, Harry.
873
00:53:48,698 --> 00:53:52,293
And if I can't believe that,
then I just can't be your wife anymore.
874
00:53:52,368 --> 00:53:55,496
- You see how-how simple that is?
- Hi, Daddy.
875
00:53:55,572 --> 00:53:57,699
- Hiya, Danny.
- Say good-bye to Daddy, boys.
876
00:53:57,774 --> 00:54:00,641
He's going away on business.
877
00:54:00,710 --> 00:54:04,510
- For how long this time?
- Oh, for quite a while.
878
00:54:04,581 --> 00:54:07,482
How long is "Oh, quite a while"?
879
00:54:07,550 --> 00:54:10,178
Why, uh, I think
you'll have to ask your mother.
880
00:54:10,253 --> 00:54:12,847
Come on. Say good night to Daddy
and run along upstairs to bed.
881
00:54:12,922 --> 00:54:14,856
Good-bye, kids.
I'll miss you.
882
00:54:14,924 --> 00:54:16,858
- Come on.
- Hey. Come on now.
883
00:54:16,926 --> 00:54:18,951
- Do what your mommy says.
- Good night.
884
00:54:24,234 --> 00:54:28,637
Harry, up until now
I've managed to hold myself together...
885
00:54:28,705 --> 00:54:31,640
but one more minute of this, l-
886
00:54:31,708 --> 00:54:33,699
Harry.
887
00:54:35,545 --> 00:54:38,708
[Sniffing]
888
00:54:38,781 --> 00:54:40,772
Oh!
889
00:54:40,850 --> 00:54:42,784
- Out. Out. Out.
- What did I do? Oh!
890
00:54:42,852 --> 00:54:46,015
- Out. Out. Out. Out.
- What did I do, Grace?
891
00:54:46,089 --> 00:54:48,819
Harry Bannerman, you stink!
892
00:54:50,126 --> 00:54:52,060
[Crying]
893
00:54:54,030 --> 00:54:58,023
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
894
00:55:02,505 --> 00:55:05,804
Gotta have some form of recreation.
895
00:55:13,416 --> 00:55:14,542
[Horn Blaring]
896
00:55:15,418 --> 00:55:19,013
[Narrator] And here is a troop train
heading eastward from Tennessee.
897
00:55:19,088 --> 00:55:25,049
Just a small cog in the big wheel that is
destined to churn Putnam's Landing into chaos.
898
00:55:29,198 --> 00:55:32,292
Men. As you were.
899
00:55:32,368 --> 00:55:35,860
In exactly 10 minutes we reach
our rendezvous point for the motor convoy.
900
00:55:35,939 --> 00:55:39,431
We'll proceed directly to our base,
bypassing Putnam's Landing.
901
00:55:39,509 --> 00:55:43,070
Now, you've all been fully briefed.
You know exactly nothing.
902
00:55:43,146 --> 00:55:45,137
That's the way it's gonna be.
903
00:55:45,214 --> 00:55:48,980
Not gonna be any guessing games about
this top secret project you've been assigned to.
904
00:55:49,052 --> 00:55:53,079
All your mail will be censored.
All taverns are off-limits to enlisted men.
905
00:55:53,156 --> 00:55:55,249
I'll tell you about further restrictions...
906
00:55:55,325 --> 00:55:58,055
uh, as they occur to me.
907
00:56:09,339 --> 00:56:11,330
Carry on.
908
00:56:18,081 --> 00:56:20,743
This is the first time
I've ever been top secret.
909
00:56:20,817 --> 00:56:23,217
What's more important
is what are we gonna do for boojum...
910
00:56:23,286 --> 00:56:25,481
in a jerkwater town
like Putnam's Landing?
911
00:56:25,555 --> 00:56:29,116
Brother, we're dead.
Stone-cold dead.
912
00:56:29,192 --> 00:56:33,390
I mean, small-town boojum's tough enough.
But boojum in a small New England town?
913
00:56:33,463 --> 00:56:36,432
Gentlemen, it's hopeless.
I don't know.
914
00:56:36,499 --> 00:56:39,798
Friends, let me tell you
about hick towns.
915
00:56:39,869 --> 00:56:44,329
I've been in New York, New Orleans,
St. Louis, Chicago and Hollywood...
916
00:56:44,407 --> 00:56:46,398
and I tell you the mortal truth.
917
00:56:46,476 --> 00:56:49,468
You'll find more boojum
per square inch in hick towns...
918
00:56:49,545 --> 00:56:52,241
than you will find in any big city
on this here green earth.
919
00:56:52,315 --> 00:56:54,715
Now, but just remember one thing-
920
00:56:54,784 --> 00:56:57,947
that when we get there,
when we start lookin' over that boo...
921
00:56:58,021 --> 00:57:00,080
they're gonna be lookin' us over too.
922
00:57:00,156 --> 00:57:03,717
And most important thing
of all is look sharp.
923
00:57:03,793 --> 00:57:06,193
That's half the secret.
924
00:57:06,262 --> 00:57:09,356
And I'll tell you the other half:
Act miserable.
925
00:57:09,432 --> 00:57:12,697
I don't get it.
Look sharp and act miserable?
926
00:57:12,769 --> 00:57:16,830
Son, there ain't nothin' attracts boo
more than a miserable man.
927
00:57:16,906 --> 00:57:19,636
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But how
do we convince them we're miserable?
928
00:57:19,709 --> 00:57:22,041
Now, that's the easiest thing
in the world.
929
00:57:22,111 --> 00:57:24,944
Tell the boo how lonesome
you are for the boo you left back home.
930
00:57:25,014 --> 00:57:27,812
- Tell the new boo about the old boo?
- Well, sure.
931
00:57:27,884 --> 00:57:31,445
Yeah. But what if you ain't got
an old boo back home?
932
00:57:33,289 --> 00:57:35,223
Well, then lie.
933
00:57:35,291 --> 00:57:39,022
Oh, but lie from here.
Lie from the heart.
934
00:57:39,095 --> 00:57:42,997
- Man, you are really an inspiration to us all.
- [Laughing]
935
00:57:49,038 --> 00:57:52,235
Looks like a crowd's gathered
at the bridge. I wonder why.
936
00:57:52,308 --> 00:57:54,469
They're probably feather merchants.
937
00:57:54,544 --> 00:57:56,808
I'm sure it's not
a welcoming committee.
938
00:57:56,879 --> 00:57:59,109
Close up! Close up!
939
00:58:19,068 --> 00:58:22,629
All right.
All right, let's clear this road.
940
00:58:22,705 --> 00:58:25,435
Clear this road, everybody.
I said clear this road.
941
00:58:25,508 --> 00:58:27,942
- Never.
- Nev-
942
00:58:28,010 --> 00:58:30,410
What's goin' on here?
943
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:34,348
We have asked you to move
your top secret elsewhere.
944
00:58:34,417 --> 00:58:36,385
You have refused.
945
00:58:36,452 --> 00:58:39,819
Now we refuse to accept your refusal.
946
00:58:39,889 --> 00:58:44,588
Lady, I got my orders,
and I am crossing that bridge.
947
00:58:44,660 --> 00:58:47,458
So get these women and kids out of my way.
Now clear out, everybody!
948
00:58:47,530 --> 00:58:49,521
- Never.
- What?
949
00:58:50,666 --> 00:58:53,066
Never!
950
00:58:53,136 --> 00:58:55,536
Oh.
951
00:58:57,340 --> 00:58:59,740
I'll- I'll run 'em down.
952
00:58:59,809 --> 00:59:02,903
- Boo! Boo!
- [Protesters Booing]
953
00:59:02,979 --> 00:59:04,970
[Booing Continues]
954
00:59:07,083 --> 00:59:09,051
Captain Hoxie, why don't
we just take another road?
955
00:59:09,118 --> 00:59:11,143
There must be another way
to get to the base.
956
00:59:11,220 --> 00:59:14,087
My orders read,
"Proceed north on Route 27 to the base."
957
00:59:14,157 --> 00:59:18,059
This is Route 27,
and this is the way we're gonna proceed.
958
00:59:18,127 --> 00:59:20,561
Keep up the fight, girls!
959
00:59:20,630 --> 00:59:24,930
Let's keep up with the spirit. We're bound
to win. Come on. Close in the ranks.
960
00:59:25,001 --> 00:59:28,095
We'll wait 'em out. They gotta
take those kids home sooner or later.
961
00:59:28,171 --> 00:59:30,605
That's it, driver.
We'll wait 'em out.
962
00:59:32,408 --> 00:59:35,434
[Man] That's mighty pretty-lookin'
boojum over there.
963
00:59:36,679 --> 00:59:39,045
Don't see any reason
for us to stand here.
964
00:59:39,115 --> 00:59:41,310
I, uh, suggest
that we advance and reconnoiter.
965
00:59:41,384 --> 00:59:43,318
- Yeah, there you go.
- Yeah.
966
00:59:46,322 --> 00:59:50,691
Howdy, ladies. Uh, my men would like
to tell you how delighted we are to be here.
967
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:54,856
We regret this, uh, temporary minor
unpleasantness, and we trust it'll quickly pass.
968
00:59:54,931 --> 00:59:58,833
Ooh, a Southern accent. I just go
all ape when I hear a Southern accent.
969
00:59:58,901 --> 01:00:00,835
- I'm gratified.
- [Laughs]
970
01:00:00,903 --> 01:00:05,567
Listen, if you army cats think you can just
come waltzin' in here and take over our boojum...
971
01:00:05,641 --> 01:00:08,235
you got another thing comin'.
972
01:00:08,311 --> 01:00:10,711
- I gotta talk to you.
- Oh, flake off.
973
01:00:10,780 --> 01:00:13,112
No, no.
Hey, I gotta see you right now.
974
01:00:13,182 --> 01:00:17,141
- Go away, little man. Shoo!
- Come on. Come on. Hey, cut the comedy.
975
01:00:17,220 --> 01:00:19,688
Hey, friend?
976
01:00:20,790 --> 01:00:23,350
[Giggling]
977
01:00:23,426 --> 01:00:27,123
I don't believe the young lady
wishes to accompany you.
978
01:00:27,196 --> 01:00:29,892
What's it to you, army?
979
01:00:29,966 --> 01:00:31,991
Why don't you be a good fella
and, uh, just-
980
01:00:32,068 --> 01:00:35,060
- Flake off.
- Flake off.
981
01:00:35,137 --> 01:00:37,298
[Laughing]
982
01:00:37,373 --> 01:00:39,500
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
983
01:00:39,575 --> 01:00:42,066
[Laughing Continues]
984
01:00:42,144 --> 01:00:46,547
Now why don't you take off before I gotta
make little bumps all over your head?
985
01:00:57,727 --> 01:01:02,562
Well, it's almost lunchtime. They gotta
take those kids home and feed 'em.
986
01:01:02,632 --> 01:01:04,998
Gangway, ladies!
987
01:01:05,067 --> 01:01:07,058
Come and get it!
988
01:01:08,504 --> 01:01:11,473
There you are.
989
01:01:15,077 --> 01:01:17,807
Okay, lady, if that's what you want,
you got it.
990
01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:20,440
We'll wait.
We got all day.
991
01:01:20,516 --> 01:01:24,748
These mothers are imbued with the spirit
that has made America great.
992
01:01:24,820 --> 01:01:26,913
All right, fellas, bring it in.
993
01:01:28,691 --> 01:01:31,524
- Hey!
- That'll do it.
994
01:01:31,594 --> 01:01:33,653
- Hey, what do you think you're doing?
- Mobile news unit.
995
01:01:33,729 --> 01:01:36,197
- We're covering the crisis for television.
- Nah, nah. No pictures.
996
01:01:36,265 --> 01:01:39,598
Get this junk out of here.
We're a top secret project, you crumb.
997
01:01:39,669 --> 01:01:42,035
Captain, watch your language.
You're on now.
998
01:01:42,104 --> 01:01:45,369
Now, listen.
You get-What?
999
01:01:45,441 --> 01:01:47,375
[Chuckles]
1000
01:01:55,785 --> 01:01:57,776
[Intercom Buzzes]
1001
01:02:00,456 --> 01:02:02,549
- Yes?
- [Woman] Mr. Bannerman to see you, sir.
1002
01:02:02,625 --> 01:02:05,560
Send him in.
1003
01:02:05,628 --> 01:02:08,859
Oh, hello, sir. I, uh- I flew down here
the minute my office located me.
1004
01:02:08,931 --> 01:02:11,195
I understand there's something urgent
you want me to do.
1005
01:02:11,267 --> 01:02:13,701
- Yes, you can adjust that left-hand knob.
- What?
1006
01:02:13,769 --> 01:02:16,761
- The left one- the vertical hold.
- General, I'm not a repairman-
1007
01:02:16,839 --> 01:02:19,330
If you please?
Fix it.
1008
01:02:23,412 --> 01:02:27,280
[Reporter] I wonder if you'd be kind enough
to explain your position to our viewers at home.
1009
01:02:27,350 --> 01:02:30,148
Gladly.
1010
01:02:30,219 --> 01:02:34,588
- Fellow citizens of America-
- Situation normal for Captain Hoxie.
1011
01:02:34,657 --> 01:02:38,787
Here in Putnam's Landing we have built
a beautiful, peaceful little community.
1012
01:02:38,861 --> 01:02:43,127
The, uh, women and children
are offering stubborn resistance to him.
1013
01:02:43,199 --> 01:02:45,133
...to establish something so horrible...
1014
01:02:45,201 --> 01:02:47,635
that they're even afraid
to tell us what it is.
1015
01:02:47,703 --> 01:02:51,070
We are protesting with
the only means available to us:
1016
01:02:51,140 --> 01:02:54,473
- Orderly, legal picketing.
- Legal, my eye.
1017
01:02:54,543 --> 01:02:59,344
Oh, uh, I might add this is Captain Hoxie's
first appearance on television.
1018
01:02:59,415 --> 01:03:01,849
...watch the feathers fly.
1019
01:03:01,917 --> 01:03:04,112
Here is their lovable, gentle leader.
1020
01:03:04,186 --> 01:03:06,120
Notice the intelligent face.
1021
01:03:06,188 --> 01:03:10,284
It gives one the impression that he uses
his head only to keep his ears apart.
1022
01:03:10,359 --> 01:03:13,590
[Laughs]
Hey, that's very funny what she just said.
1023
01:03:13,662 --> 01:03:16,358
[Laughs]
Yeah. That witch is the big troublemaker!
1024
01:03:16,432 --> 01:03:18,593
I'd like to put a bomb under her.
1025
01:03:18,667 --> 01:03:21,500
- I beg your pardon?
- I said I'd like to put a bomb under her.
1026
01:03:21,570 --> 01:03:23,504
She should be home
pushing a broom.
1027
01:03:23,572 --> 01:03:26,166
Better still,
the witch should be riding it.
1028
01:03:26,242 --> 01:03:28,437
- She's my wife.
- Well, she-
1029
01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:35,080
She, uh-
She photographs nicely, doesn't she?
1030
01:03:36,786 --> 01:03:40,017
Tell SergeantJackson to load up
and get ready to roll. We're movin' out.
1031
01:03:42,124 --> 01:03:44,490
I'm warning you for the last time.
I'm coming through!
1032
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:46,494
That fathead!
1033
01:03:49,698 --> 01:03:52,724
- Sure you can run it, sir?
- How do you think I got these bars?
1034
01:03:52,802 --> 01:03:54,827
Okay, take it away.
1035
01:03:54,904 --> 01:03:57,737
[Protestors Shouting]
1036
01:03:57,807 --> 01:04:01,573
Oh, no.
I can't look at this.
1037
01:04:14,457 --> 01:04:16,448
[Shouting Continues]
1038
01:04:26,836 --> 01:04:28,770
Where is he now?
1039
01:04:28,838 --> 01:04:33,741
He's in about four feet of water, sir.
Maybe five.
1040
01:04:33,809 --> 01:04:36,778
I knew it.
I knew it!
1041
01:04:40,749 --> 01:04:44,879
Mr. Bannerman, you once offered
to do a public relations job for us...
1042
01:04:44,954 --> 01:04:47,445
in Putnam's Landing
if we had trouble with the civilians.
1043
01:04:47,523 --> 01:04:49,457
Yes, sir.
And it looks like you're having it.
1044
01:04:49,525 --> 01:04:52,050
Yes, it's quite a mess.
And because of this...
1045
01:04:52,128 --> 01:04:55,256
I have requested the navy department
to activate your status...
1046
01:04:55,331 --> 01:04:58,425
as a reserve officer in the navy
and assign you to me.
1047
01:04:58,501 --> 01:05:04,462
Lieutenant Commander Bannerman,
you are in the army now.
1048
01:05:09,311 --> 01:05:11,370
Yes, sir.
1049
01:05:13,482 --> 01:05:15,473
[Sneezes, Blows]
1050
01:05:18,554 --> 01:05:20,715
There's a naval officer to see you, sir.
1051
01:05:20,789 --> 01:05:24,225
A naval off-
Well, that's all I need.
1052
01:05:24,293 --> 01:05:26,284
All right, send him in.
Send him in.
1053
01:05:28,631 --> 01:05:31,657
Now- Oh, no.
1054
01:05:33,469 --> 01:05:37,496
- What are you doing here?
- I, uh- I believe I outrank you, Hoxie.
1055
01:05:37,573 --> 01:05:40,201
But, uh, we'll dispense
with the customary formality.
1056
01:05:40,276 --> 01:05:44,235
I'm here partially because
of my affection for the naval reserve...
1057
01:05:44,313 --> 01:05:48,545
but mostly because you,
to put it mildly, lack tact.
1058
01:05:48,617 --> 01:05:50,551
Well, I had a little accident.
1059
01:05:50,619 --> 01:05:55,249
Oh, it was quite spectacular.
The general and I saw it on television.
1060
01:05:55,324 --> 01:05:57,554
- The general?
- Mm-hmm.
1061
01:05:57,626 --> 01:06:00,618
Here are my orders putting me in
full charge of public relations for this base...
1062
01:06:00,696 --> 01:06:03,221
reporting directly
to General Thorwald.
1063
01:06:03,299 --> 01:06:07,895
You mean after 17 years in the army he expects
me to work with a civilian navy officer?
1064
01:06:07,970 --> 01:06:10,200
- Not with, Hoxie- For.
- Huh?
1065
01:06:10,272 --> 01:06:13,639
That is, in matters of public relations,
you will take orders from me.
1066
01:06:13,709 --> 01:06:15,643
You are forbidden to use your brain.
1067
01:06:15,711 --> 01:06:17,770
It's fully explained in there.
Fourteen copies.
1068
01:06:17,846 --> 01:06:21,475
- Well, he can't do this to me.
- Mm-hmm. That's what I said, and here I am.
1069
01:06:21,550 --> 01:06:24,485
He- He-
[Sneezes]
1070
01:06:24,553 --> 01:06:28,045
- Is your head clear now?
- [Stammers] Uh-huh.
1071
01:06:28,123 --> 01:06:32,526
All right. Hoxie, the most important thing
that we have to do is to prove to this town...
1072
01:06:32,595 --> 01:06:37,965
that this top secret project
is-is absolutely harmless.
1073
01:06:38,033 --> 01:06:40,331
It, uh-
It is safe, isn't it?
1074
01:06:41,337 --> 01:06:43,567
Top secret.
1075
01:06:43,639 --> 01:06:46,472
And the most important person
that we have to convince is my wife.
1076
01:06:46,542 --> 01:06:50,000
You can stop right there.
I dislike your wife.
1077
01:06:50,079 --> 01:06:52,206
Oh, well, then the feeling is mutual.
1078
01:06:52,281 --> 01:06:55,614
In fact, I might say I dislike your wife
almost as much as I dislike you.
1079
01:06:55,684 --> 01:06:58,175
- Also mutual.
- She made me look like a fool.
1080
01:06:58,254 --> 01:07:00,245
Well, don't blame my wife for your looks.
1081
01:07:00,322 --> 01:07:02,916
- Now, listen, Lieutenant!
- Commander.!
1082
01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:06,728
How are you two men getting along?
1083
01:07:06,795 --> 01:07:09,889
Uh, army and navy.
1084
01:07:09,965 --> 01:07:11,899
- Hand in hand.
- [Chuckles]
1085
01:07:16,939 --> 01:07:20,932
He- He- He- He-
[Sneezes]
1086
01:07:21,610 --> 01:07:24,078
[Doorbell Buzzes]
1087
01:07:24,146 --> 01:07:27,172
- Who is it?
- [Buzzing Continues]
1088
01:07:27,249 --> 01:07:30,480
- Who is it?
- [Buzzing Continues]
1089
01:07:35,658 --> 01:07:37,922
Hello.
1090
01:07:37,993 --> 01:07:42,259
I'm still not speaking to you,
but why are you in uniform?
1091
01:07:42,331 --> 01:07:46,324
Oh, well, I vaguely remember that somebody
nominated me to go to Washington...
1092
01:07:46,402 --> 01:07:48,996
and that's where
all my troubles started.
1093
01:07:49,071 --> 01:07:52,905
Now I find myself back in the service
helping the army create goodwill...
1094
01:07:52,975 --> 01:07:55,910
- in a little town that I wished
we'd never moved into!
- Shh!
1095
01:07:55,978 --> 01:07:59,573
It's Saturday.
I just put the children up for their naps.
1096
01:07:59,648 --> 01:08:01,809
Children, Daddy's home!
1097
01:08:07,156 --> 01:08:10,125
- Hi, Daddy!
- Hi, Daddy!
1098
01:08:15,064 --> 01:08:17,555
- Are you a soldier?
- Yeah.
1099
01:08:18,767 --> 01:08:20,826
Uh, let's go and play
in your room, huh? Huh?
1100
01:08:20,903 --> 01:08:23,770
- Fine.
- Forward! March!
1101
01:08:33,916 --> 01:08:36,248
- [Sighs]
- [Door Closes]
1102
01:08:38,287 --> 01:08:41,450
Because of the peaceful influence
of these God-fearing people...
1103
01:08:41,523 --> 01:08:45,983
the Pilgrims soon won over the Indians
and the pipe of peace was smoked.
1104
01:08:46,061 --> 01:08:47,995
- [Blows Raspberry]
- You wanna hear it again, boys?
1105
01:08:48,063 --> 01:08:51,362
- Yeah.
- Ah, ah, ah. The party's over.
1106
01:08:51,433 --> 01:08:55,563
Come on, boys. It's bedtime.
Get into your pajamas.
1107
01:08:55,637 --> 01:08:57,696
- Come on, boys. Mind your mother now.
- That's right.
1108
01:08:57,773 --> 01:09:01,265
- Down. Down. Down, Rover.
- Five minutes I wanna see you
in those pajamas, all right?
1109
01:09:01,343 --> 01:09:04,335
- And I wanna have a few words with you.
- Oh.
1110
01:09:04,413 --> 01:09:06,404
Don't forget to brush your teeth.
1111
01:09:08,484 --> 01:09:10,850
As for you, Harry Bannerman,
I am not at all surprised...
1112
01:09:10,919 --> 01:09:15,083
that at a time of crisis in Putnam's Landing,
you have joined the enemy.
1113
01:09:15,157 --> 01:09:18,320
Well, go.
Good-bye.
1114
01:09:19,695 --> 01:09:21,686
[Chuckles]
1115
01:09:36,145 --> 01:09:39,603
- Good night, Mama.
- Good night. [Kisses]
1116
01:09:45,788 --> 01:09:47,949
Good night, dear.
1117
01:09:48,023 --> 01:09:49,957
Good night, dear.
1118
01:09:54,696 --> 01:09:57,824
Well, you said everybody in pajamas.
1119
01:09:57,900 --> 01:10:00,596
And I brushed my teeth too.
See?
1120
01:10:05,107 --> 01:10:07,940
- [Knocking]
- [Grace] Go away.!
1121
01:10:09,144 --> 01:10:13,137
I can't.
The boys made me promise I'd stay.
1122
01:10:13,215 --> 01:10:15,843
You coward, hiding behind children.
1123
01:10:15,918 --> 01:10:19,149
I hope you spend a miserable night
in the guest room.
1124
01:10:19,221 --> 01:10:21,689
I have been miserable in the guest room.
Grace, I, uh-
1125
01:10:21,757 --> 01:10:23,987
I've been thinking about a lot
of things, among other things...
1126
01:10:24,059 --> 01:10:26,323
but one thing I've been
thinking about most in particular.
1127
01:10:26,395 --> 01:10:29,193
And I think now, darling,
is the time to discuss that important thing.
1128
01:10:29,264 --> 01:10:31,425
- Get up and get out.
- L-
1129
01:10:34,303 --> 01:10:36,669
All right,
let's discuss the other things.
1130
01:10:36,738 --> 01:10:40,572
- Grace, you don't realize what a spot I'm in.
- Yes, I do. With me you're dead.
1131
01:10:40,642 --> 01:10:43,133
Yes, I know that.
But I'm talking about General Thorwald.
1132
01:10:43,212 --> 01:10:47,615
Look, I flew in with General Thorwald
this afternoon, and he made quite a point...
1133
01:10:47,683 --> 01:10:50,151
about telling me
how important myjob is.
1134
01:10:50,219 --> 01:10:53,484
- Better luck away from home.
- Thank you.
1135
01:10:53,555 --> 01:10:57,150
- Honey, look, if I goof on this job-
- Ah, ah.!
1136
01:10:57,226 --> 01:11:02,721
If I goof on this job, General Thorwald
says he has another job waiting for me...
1137
01:11:02,798 --> 01:11:04,823
in Alaska.
1138
01:11:04,900 --> 01:11:07,300
Well, suppose I get
shipped up to Alaska?
1139
01:11:07,369 --> 01:11:09,803
Wear heavier underwear.
1140
01:11:09,872 --> 01:11:11,806
[Laughing]
1141
01:11:11,874 --> 01:11:13,967
Well, just laugh this off.
1142
01:11:14,042 --> 01:11:18,536
If I do get shipped to Alaska,
that means I have to give up my business.
1143
01:11:18,614 --> 01:11:21,913
And, uh, well, on my navy pay, l-
1144
01:11:21,984 --> 01:11:24,680
I can't possibly keep up
the payments on the house.
1145
01:11:24,753 --> 01:11:26,277
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
1146
01:11:26,355 --> 01:11:28,721
And, uh, let's see.
1147
01:11:28,790 --> 01:11:30,951
Oh, yes, they'll probably
repossess the car...
1148
01:11:31,026 --> 01:11:34,518
and, uh, Peter will have
to be removed from preschool.
1149
01:11:34,596 --> 01:11:37,895
Uh, there will be enough
for the bare essentials, I suppose.
1150
01:11:37,966 --> 01:11:40,491
I mean, plain, wholesome food.
1151
01:11:40,569 --> 01:11:44,369
While you're at it, why don't you suggest
we put the children up for adoption?
1152
01:11:44,439 --> 01:11:47,431
Okay. All right,
maybe I was laying it on a little thick...
1153
01:11:47,509 --> 01:11:49,443
but let me tell you something,
Mrs. Bannerman.
1154
01:11:49,511 --> 01:11:52,275
This is serious.
And you can help.
1155
01:11:52,347 --> 01:11:55,145
Maybe we can turn one of
your many vices into a virtue.
1156
01:11:55,217 --> 01:11:57,412
Just what do you mean by that?
1157
01:11:57,486 --> 01:12:02,446
Your pageant, honey.
Maybe the darn thing'll bail me out.
1158
01:12:02,524 --> 01:12:06,756
The way I see it, if you can use some of the
soldiers in it, along with the local talent...
1159
01:12:06,828 --> 01:12:10,525
it's sort of a gesture of goodwill.
1160
01:12:10,599 --> 01:12:13,500
Of course,
it's only a little acorn, but, uh-
1161
01:12:13,569 --> 01:12:16,094
Why don't you and your acorn grow up?
1162
01:12:16,171 --> 01:12:18,765
All you have to do is prove
to the people of Putnam's Landing...
1163
01:12:18,840 --> 01:12:20,831
that whatever that is
out there is safe.
1164
01:12:20,909 --> 01:12:24,106
- Now can you do it?
- How can I, honey? I don't know what it is.
1165
01:12:24,179 --> 01:12:27,114
You're not only unfaithful. You're stupid.
[Scoffs]
1166
01:12:28,884 --> 01:12:31,944
- [Doorbell Buzzing]
- I wonder who that is.
1167
01:12:32,020 --> 01:12:36,389
It's probably Angela Hoffa crocked
and wondering if you can come out to play.
1168
01:12:40,462 --> 01:12:43,522
- Who is it?
- [Man] Military courier from Washington, D. C...
1169
01:12:43,599 --> 01:12:45,760
with a special message
for Mrs. Grace Bannerman.
1170
01:12:45,834 --> 01:12:48,098
Uh, just a minute.
1171
01:12:48,170 --> 01:12:50,104
Did you hear that?
1172
01:12:51,306 --> 01:12:53,240
Harry, can they do anything to me?
1173
01:12:53,308 --> 01:12:55,674
Well, I don't know, honey.
You have been fighting the army.
1174
01:12:55,744 --> 01:12:58,770
- If they tell me to go to Washington,
do I have to go?
- Of course.
1175
01:12:58,847 --> 01:13:02,044
That'd be funny if you had to appear
in front of a committee you didn't form.
1176
01:13:02,117 --> 01:13:04,051
Mmm.
1177
01:13:08,957 --> 01:13:12,222
- Mrs. Grace Bannerman?
- Yes?
1178
01:13:12,294 --> 01:13:15,889
- Of Putnam's Landing?
- Yes, yes.
1179
01:13:30,545 --> 01:13:33,412
It's for me, all right.
1180
01:13:33,482 --> 01:13:35,450
It's from the secretary of the army.
1181
01:13:35,517 --> 01:13:37,610
Oh, he's very important, honey.
He's close to the top.
1182
01:13:37,686 --> 01:13:43,147
But he's appealing to me. He calls me
"the leading force in the opposition."
1183
01:13:43,225 --> 01:13:47,184
He calls upon me to help give the installation
a chance to establish itself...
1184
01:13:47,262 --> 01:13:49,526
peaceably in the community.
1185
01:13:49,598 --> 01:13:55,093
"In so doing, Mrs. Bannerman, you not only
will be ending a major internal crisis...
1186
01:13:55,170 --> 01:13:59,300
"but will establish yourself as one of
the truly great and unselfish patriots...
1187
01:13:59,374 --> 01:14:02,901
in our nation's proud history."
1188
01:14:02,978 --> 01:14:05,378
Isn't that a slight overstatement?
1189
01:14:07,716 --> 01:14:13,416
Well, Grace, now, uh, we don't know
how vital this thing out there is to the army.
1190
01:14:13,488 --> 01:14:15,888
But what can I do about it?
I'm on the other side.
1191
01:14:15,957 --> 01:14:18,949
We can solve a lot of our problems
if we'll just put our heads together.
1192
01:14:19,027 --> 01:14:21,257
- Just our heads.
- Like we used to. Up in the bedroom?
1193
01:14:21,329 --> 01:14:24,025
No, like we're going to
right down here.
1194
01:14:27,903 --> 01:14:30,064
You heard me.
Same thing goes for all of you.
1195
01:14:30,138 --> 01:14:32,129
Let's finish our drinks
and get out of here, huh?
1196
01:14:32,207 --> 01:14:36,075
Aw, please, Captain.
What are you trying to do, empty my joint?
1197
01:14:37,412 --> 01:14:39,277
You shouldn't have called
them all feather merchants.
1198
01:14:39,347 --> 01:14:42,748
Huh?
That goes for you too.
1199
01:14:42,818 --> 01:14:46,811
Hey, where were you during
the last "unpleasantness"?
1200
01:14:46,888 --> 01:14:49,789
I keep telling you,
I was all over Korea.
1201
01:14:49,858 --> 01:14:52,691
Well, don't change the subject.
Look at you now.
1202
01:14:52,761 --> 01:14:56,060
Yeah? Well, how come you
got no higher than a captain?
1203
01:14:56,131 --> 01:14:58,099
L-
1204
01:14:58,166 --> 01:15:00,430
Well, I've been reclassified three times.
1205
01:15:00,502 --> 01:15:03,494
- Yeah? Well, once more oughta do it.
- Mm-hmm.
1206
01:15:11,980 --> 01:15:14,540
You stay out of my icebox.
1207
01:15:14,616 --> 01:15:18,279
I wanted a-
Never mind. I'll just drink.
1208
01:15:19,421 --> 01:15:21,355
No whiskey, huh?
1209
01:15:21,423 --> 01:15:24,620
As long as you're not around,
we don't need any alcohol.
1210
01:15:24,693 --> 01:15:28,686
Of course, if I'd known you were coming,
I could've gotten champagne and caviar.
1211
01:15:28,764 --> 01:15:33,292
[Ringing]
1212
01:15:33,368 --> 01:15:36,064
Hello?
1213
01:15:36,138 --> 01:15:38,129
Hello.
1214
01:15:38,206 --> 01:15:40,538
Hello?
1215
01:15:42,577 --> 01:15:44,511
It was Angela.
1216
01:15:44,579 --> 01:15:46,945
- How could it be Angela if nobody answered?
- I see it all now.
1217
01:15:47,015 --> 01:15:49,575
You probably told her
if a woman answers, hang up.
1218
01:15:49,651 --> 01:15:53,610
I wouldn't have your mind for anything.
Now just stop thinking about Angela-
1219
01:15:53,688 --> 01:15:55,918
How can I?
The very idea.
1220
01:15:55,991 --> 01:15:59,324
A married man,
father of two lovely boys, not satisfied.
1221
01:15:59,394 --> 01:16:01,624
- Not satis- Grace, I didn't do it.
- And premeditated too.
1222
01:16:01,696 --> 01:16:03,960
How long have you two
been planning this orgy?
1223
01:16:04,032 --> 01:16:06,193
Orgy?
Grace, I'm absolutely innocent!
1224
01:16:06,268 --> 01:16:09,294
- The minute I saw Angela, you know what I did?
- You took your clothes off!
1225
01:16:09,371 --> 01:16:13,239
It all comes back to me!
[Sobbing]
1226
01:16:20,048 --> 01:16:22,516
I forgot.
We're finished.
1227
01:16:27,622 --> 01:16:32,559
Now, and just what did you have in mind
about my damn pageant?
1228
01:16:35,163 --> 01:16:37,131
- I can't concentrate.
- Well, come on. I'm listening.
1229
01:16:37,199 --> 01:16:39,224
No, it was only a half-baked idea.
1230
01:16:39,301 --> 01:16:41,235
Well, that's all right.
Tell me anyway.
1231
01:16:41,303 --> 01:16:44,204
Well, when I was reading
to the kids it occurred to me...
1232
01:16:44,272 --> 01:16:49,676
that maybe the- the army could play
sort of, uh, brave, pioneering Pilgrims...
1233
01:16:49,744 --> 01:16:52,838
that landed in a swarm of savage,
hostile Indian-
1234
01:16:52,914 --> 01:16:54,905
- Forget it.
- It is a half-baked idea.
1235
01:16:54,983 --> 01:16:57,975
- Nothing would appeal to you
in your frame of mind.
- Is that all there is?
1236
01:16:58,053 --> 01:17:00,248
- No, I had some other-
- You're gonna leave it hanging there?
1237
01:17:00,322 --> 01:17:05,453
It could all end with a-with all of
these people smoking a peace pipe.
1238
01:17:05,527 --> 01:17:08,155
Well, it's better than last summer's
George Washington...
1239
01:17:08,230 --> 01:17:10,164
freezing to death at Valley Forge.
1240
01:17:10,232 --> 01:17:11,893
Perspiring? Huh.
1241
01:17:11,967 --> 01:17:15,733
- Good night.
- Well, you've done it.
1242
01:17:15,804 --> 01:17:19,501
Ah.
[Laughs]
1243
01:17:19,574 --> 01:17:24,637
Uh, I beg your pardon, but is there
any reason why you shouldn't talk to me?
1244
01:17:24,713 --> 01:17:27,238
- [Door Closes]
- [Engine Starts]
1245
01:17:27,315 --> 01:17:30,148
No.
1246
01:17:30,218 --> 01:17:34,177
As a matter of fact,
you could do me a very large favor.
1247
01:17:34,256 --> 01:17:38,317
Well, things are picking up here
in Putnam's Landing.
1248
01:17:38,393 --> 01:17:40,759
Will you call this number?
1249
01:17:40,829 --> 01:17:43,696
Mm-hmm.
Oh, now, please.
1250
01:17:45,500 --> 01:17:48,936
And whom shall I ask for?
1251
01:17:49,004 --> 01:17:51,438
- Harry Bannerman.
- Mm-hmm.
1252
01:17:51,506 --> 01:17:54,600
Uh- Oh, no.
1253
01:17:54,676 --> 01:17:56,667
[Laughing]
1254
01:18:01,082 --> 01:18:03,880
I think I'll just have
another drink here. L-
1255
01:18:03,952 --> 01:18:07,115
Harry-
Innkeeper!
1256
01:18:09,724 --> 01:18:12,818
May I, uh, use a little
of your hot water?
1257
01:18:12,894 --> 01:18:16,728
- You kill me.
- Mm-hmm. Thank you.
1258
01:18:16,798 --> 01:18:19,562
Well, without any help from you,
I think we're doing very nicely.
1259
01:18:19,634 --> 01:18:24,367
We, uh- It's taking very definite shape,
and, uh, in fact, it could be brilliant.
1260
01:18:24,439 --> 01:18:29,900
All we need is just one ingredient
to sort of hold this spectacle together.
1261
01:18:31,379 --> 01:18:33,347
Yes, I think I've got it.
1262
01:18:33,415 --> 01:18:37,374
Um, towering above
this-this majestic spectacle...
1263
01:18:37,452 --> 01:18:42,856
will be one dramatic voice:
The narrator.
1264
01:18:42,924 --> 01:18:45,586
Of course, I really don't know
who's available for the part.
1265
01:18:45,660 --> 01:18:49,221
We'd have to get a vibrant personality
with a fine voice, beautiful.
1266
01:18:49,297 --> 01:18:52,198
Uh, a captivating figure, simply clad.
1267
01:18:52,267 --> 01:18:56,101
Angela Hoffa in a bedspread.
1268
01:18:57,372 --> 01:18:59,363
Yeah.
1269
01:19:01,876 --> 01:19:05,505
Actually, Captain Hoxie,
I think you've misjudged Harry Bannerman.
1270
01:19:05,580 --> 01:19:09,243
- [Laughs]
- He has a very understanding and kind...
1271
01:19:09,317 --> 01:19:12,809
- and sympathetic heart.
- [Laughs] Yeah.
1272
01:19:12,887 --> 01:19:15,822
Look, if you'd just call him
and tell him the truth.
1273
01:19:15,890 --> 01:19:19,485
Tell him that you accidently drove
your jeep into the statue of Samuel Putnam...
1274
01:19:19,561 --> 01:19:21,495
that you're here in the bar, loaded...
1275
01:19:21,563 --> 01:19:24,396
that you want him to come over
and drive you back to the base.
1276
01:19:24,466 --> 01:19:28,835
- I wouldn't ask a civilian in uniform for anything.
- [Sighs]
1277
01:19:28,903 --> 01:19:31,872
Well, then will you just call this number
and ask for Harry Bannerman?
1278
01:19:31,940 --> 01:19:33,874
- And I'll take it from there.
- Mmm.
1279
01:19:33,942 --> 01:19:36,672
For me?
1280
01:19:36,745 --> 01:19:39,145
All right. F-For you.
1281
01:19:56,031 --> 01:19:58,056
You got a dime?
1282
01:20:00,869 --> 01:20:02,803
Thank you very much.
1283
01:20:02,871 --> 01:20:06,102
What a beautiful day it'll be.
First your magnificent pageant...
1284
01:20:06,174 --> 01:20:09,439
and-and- and, uh, with you
having the only speaking role.
1285
01:20:09,511 --> 01:20:12,639
And then the fun and
the fraternization later.
1286
01:20:12,714 --> 01:20:15,979
Very beautiful, except who's going
to persuade the citizens...
1287
01:20:16,051 --> 01:20:18,110
to participate with the soldiers?
1288
01:20:18,186 --> 01:20:20,120
That's your job, honey.
After all, you're their leader.
1289
01:20:20,188 --> 01:20:23,214
I am not their leader
if I'm speaking for the army.
1290
01:20:23,291 --> 01:20:26,089
Well, what about the secretary of the army?
Are you gonna let him down?
1291
01:20:26,161 --> 01:20:28,789
[Phone Rings]
1292
01:20:28,863 --> 01:20:31,730
Why don't you answer it this time?
Maybe she'll talk to you.
1293
01:20:31,800 --> 01:20:34,064
Oh. Hello.
1294
01:20:34,135 --> 01:20:37,002
Uh, Bannerman?
This is Hoxie.
1295
01:20:37,072 --> 01:20:40,166
Now this wasn't my idea,
because I wouldn't talk to you-
1296
01:20:40,241 --> 01:20:43,768
- Uh, yes, Captain Hoxie.
- Oh, come off it.
1297
01:20:43,845 --> 01:20:46,678
Excuse me.
Well, it is Captain Hoxie.
1298
01:20:46,748 --> 01:20:49,342
- Would you like to speak to him?
- Yeah.
1299
01:20:49,417 --> 01:20:53,080
- Listen to me-
- Captain Hoxie. Get yourself a drink, Captain.
1300
01:20:53,154 --> 01:20:55,247
Yeah, that's a good idea.
1301
01:20:55,323 --> 01:20:59,191
Uh, just a minute.
What was that, Captain Hoxie?
1302
01:20:59,260 --> 01:21:01,660
Uh, no, darling.
This is Angela.
1303
01:21:01,729 --> 01:21:04,960
Look, I'm here at Ye Olde Putnam House
with your little friend Captain Hoxie.
1304
01:21:05,033 --> 01:21:08,469
And he-he's really- He's full of flit,
and he's stoned out of his skull.
1305
01:21:08,536 --> 01:21:10,766
Uh, yes, Hoxie.
1306
01:21:10,839 --> 01:21:13,137
He's ready to turn everything
else upside down around here...
1307
01:21:13,208 --> 01:21:16,143
so you'd better come right over
and get him right away.
1308
01:21:16,211 --> 01:21:19,237
- Well, look, dear, I can't get over there-
- What?
1309
01:21:19,314 --> 01:21:22,340
Uh, just a minute.
1310
01:21:22,417 --> 01:21:25,045
You got me so confused.
See, I thought I was talking to you.
1311
01:21:25,120 --> 01:21:27,816
- Let me talk to him.
- Honey, you don't want to talk to him.
1312
01:21:27,889 --> 01:21:30,084
Wait a minute.
You don't want to talk to him. He's drunk.
1313
01:21:30,158 --> 01:21:32,388
He's at Ye Olde Putnam House.
He's wrecked his jeep.
1314
01:21:32,460 --> 01:21:35,258
He's about to wreck my whole public relations
job. You don't want to talk to him.
1315
01:21:35,330 --> 01:21:37,264
- Yes, I do.
- Oh, you do?
1316
01:21:37,332 --> 01:21:39,300
Yes.
1317
01:21:41,970 --> 01:21:46,634
Well, uh- Uh, listen here, Hoxie.
Mrs. Bannerman wants to talk to you.
1318
01:21:46,708 --> 01:21:49,176
Oh. Oh. Yes.
Captain Hoxie!
1319
01:21:49,244 --> 01:21:51,178
And-And watch your language,
will you?
1320
01:21:51,246 --> 01:21:53,578
And-And pull yourself together,
Captain Hoxie.
1321
01:21:53,648 --> 01:21:56,344
Yes, I will.
Mrs. Bannerman. Mrs. -
1322
01:21:56,417 --> 01:22:00,319
- [Stammering]
- Mrs. - Mrs. Bannerman wants to talk.
1323
01:22:03,358 --> 01:22:07,089
- Uh, hello, Mrs. Bannerman.
- Oh, it is you, Captain Hoxie.
1324
01:22:07,162 --> 01:22:09,096
Well, who did you think it was?
1325
01:22:09,164 --> 01:22:12,793
I welcome this opportunity
to say a few words to you, you-
1326
01:22:12,867 --> 01:22:15,495
Captain Hoxie, I think
you're a disgrace to the army.
1327
01:22:15,570 --> 01:22:18,300
Drunk and wrecking public property?
You ought to be ashamed.
1328
01:22:18,373 --> 01:22:21,342
I want to talk to Mr. Bannerman.
1329
01:22:21,409 --> 01:22:22,899
- Mrs.?
- Mister.
1330
01:22:22,977 --> 01:22:24,467
- Mister?
- Mister.
1331
01:22:24,546 --> 01:22:27,071
Oh! Oh.
1332
01:22:27,148 --> 01:22:30,015
On second thought, l-
I'd rather speak to your husband.
1333
01:22:30,084 --> 01:22:33,781
He says he wants to talk to you
so he can swear probably.
1334
01:22:33,855 --> 01:22:36,323
- Well, I'll take care of him.
- Just a minute.
1335
01:22:36,391 --> 01:22:38,825
Here-Here's Mr. Bannerman.
1336
01:22:38,893 --> 01:22:40,827
[Gagging]
1337
01:22:40,895 --> 01:22:44,194
L-l-I beg-
l-l- I beg, uh-
1338
01:22:44,265 --> 01:22:46,495
- I beg your-your pardon.
- You need a drink, Captain Hoxie.
1339
01:22:46,568 --> 01:22:49,969
- To the bar. Bar.
- I think you're exactly right.
1340
01:22:50,038 --> 01:22:52,472
Now, listen here, Hoxie-
1341
01:22:52,540 --> 01:22:54,565
No, no, no, darling.
You listen to me.
1342
01:22:54,642 --> 01:22:57,270
You can't avoid me.
I'm inevitable.
1343
01:22:57,345 --> 01:23:01,076
Now, I understand that you are being
tossed out of your happy little home.
1344
01:23:01,149 --> 01:23:03,982
And Oscar called from Hollywood,
and he's very suspicious.
1345
01:23:04,052 --> 01:23:06,748
So why don't you help me
make his suspicions come true?
1346
01:23:06,821 --> 01:23:11,019
Well, uh- Such language.
It's just shocking.
1347
01:23:11,092 --> 01:23:13,424
Listen, Hoxie,
I will not drive you home.
1348
01:23:13,494 --> 01:23:17,328
Can you imagine? You and me
in Reno together for six weeks...
1349
01:23:17,398 --> 01:23:19,992
with nothing to do but roll dice?
1350
01:23:20,068 --> 01:23:22,536
No. No. My wife considers
your call an intrusion...
1351
01:23:22,604 --> 01:23:24,731
and she insists that
I do not go out tonight.
1352
01:23:24,806 --> 01:23:27,639
- Now you're hiding behind me.
You're welcome to go.
- Shh. No.
1353
01:23:27,709 --> 01:23:30,769
And stay.
And hurry.
1354
01:23:30,845 --> 01:23:33,109
- He'll be right over.
- Wonderful-
1355
01:23:33,181 --> 01:23:35,411
What? Who is this?
1356
01:23:37,085 --> 01:23:40,020
[In Nasal Voice]
One, two, three, four.
1357
01:23:40,088 --> 01:23:42,113
This is the operator.
1358
01:23:42,190 --> 01:23:44,681
Is your line in order?
1359
01:23:44,759 --> 01:23:47,250
Angela Hoffa is
a worse actress than I am.
1360
01:23:47,328 --> 01:23:50,422
Now she's playing
an operator with adenoids.
1361
01:23:51,699 --> 01:23:55,795
The number you have been
dialing is a wrong number.
1362
01:23:55,870 --> 01:24:00,500
Operator, tell your party
I'll be right down.
1363
01:24:04,579 --> 01:24:06,570
It did sound like Angela, didn't it?
1364
01:24:11,252 --> 01:24:13,186
Well, all right, it was Angela...
1365
01:24:13,254 --> 01:24:16,712
but-but it was also Hoxie,
and he's drunk and he's on a rampage and-
1366
01:24:17,992 --> 01:24:20,483
Well, I couldn't get in
any deeper than I am now...
1367
01:24:20,561 --> 01:24:23,189
so I'm going.
1368
01:24:26,601 --> 01:24:29,069
[Angela]
Hi, Harry.
1369
01:24:29,137 --> 01:24:31,662
- See what I mean?
- Come on, Hoxie. Come on.
1370
01:24:31,739 --> 01:24:33,969
- Hmm? Huh? [Mutters]
- Come on, Hoxie. Come on.
1371
01:24:34,042 --> 01:24:36,840
- Sh-Shut up, sir.
- Come on.
1372
01:24:36,911 --> 01:24:39,880
- Harry, what's your hurry? Have a little drinkie.
- No.
1373
01:24:39,947 --> 01:24:42,006
- He'll have one. Three brandies, please.
- No!
1374
01:24:42,083 --> 01:24:44,677
Angela, please give me a hand.
Help me get him to the car.
1375
01:24:44,752 --> 01:24:47,118
I've gotta get him back to the base.
Come on, Hoxie.
1376
01:24:47,188 --> 01:24:49,520
- Only if I can go along.
- [Muttering]
1377
01:24:49,590 --> 01:24:52,184
- All right. All right. All right.
- All right. All right. All right.
1378
01:24:52,260 --> 01:24:54,194
- What? What?
- Come on, Hoxie.
1379
01:24:54,262 --> 01:24:56,992
Wait a minute.
Who's gonna pay his tab?
1380
01:24:57,065 --> 01:25:00,125
Here. Don't bother about the change.
We'll be back.
1381
01:25:00,201 --> 01:25:03,068
Angela, please.
Come on.
1382
01:25:03,137 --> 01:25:06,402
[Laughs]
We'll-We'll be back.
1383
01:25:08,676 --> 01:25:11,668
Uh-oh. In here.
1384
01:25:17,852 --> 01:25:19,786
Bannerman, are-
1385
01:25:19,854 --> 01:25:21,981
Oh, General.
Oh, boy.
1386
01:25:22,056 --> 01:25:24,854
I've been working on
a little public relations.
1387
01:25:24,926 --> 01:25:28,123
- Are you doing a bit of relaxing?
- Do I look relaxed?
1388
01:25:28,196 --> 01:25:32,292
I've asked everybody on the base but you.
Have you seen Hoxie?
1389
01:25:32,367 --> 01:25:36,201
Hoxie?
Oscar Hoffa?
1390
01:25:36,270 --> 01:25:39,933
Hello, Bannerman.
Have you been fooling around with my wife?
1391
01:25:40,007 --> 01:25:43,841
Whoa. Uh- Now,
why would you say something like that?
1392
01:25:43,911 --> 01:25:47,870
Just got in from Hollywood.
A bad report on my wife.
1393
01:25:47,949 --> 01:25:50,247
- Some chiseler right here in Putnam's Landing.
- Is that so?
1394
01:25:50,318 --> 01:25:52,252
- Mm-hmm.
- [Objects Clattering]
1395
01:25:52,320 --> 01:25:54,288
[Angela]
Ouch.!
1396
01:25:54,355 --> 01:25:57,586
There's only one woman in the world
who says ouch like that.
1397
01:25:58,926 --> 01:26:00,860
So I caught you.
Army, huh?
1398
01:26:00,928 --> 01:26:03,761
- [Punches Landing]
- [Stammering]
1399
01:26:07,368 --> 01:26:10,360
- I'm sorry.
- Oscar, I never knew you cared.
1400
01:26:10,438 --> 01:26:12,429
Mm-hmm.
1401
01:26:17,578 --> 01:26:20,945
[Engine Starts]
1402
01:26:21,015 --> 01:26:23,006
[Vehicle Departs]
1403
01:26:25,920 --> 01:26:29,083
First and foremost, I want to thank
Mr. Isaac Goodpasture...
1404
01:26:29,157 --> 01:26:32,456
for that splendid article
describing my pageant.
1405
01:26:32,527 --> 01:26:35,087
And, of course, I'm intensely grateful
to General Thorwald.
1406
01:26:35,163 --> 01:26:39,065
Through his efforts, our pageant
will be even greater than ever this year.
1407
01:26:39,133 --> 01:26:42,296
Now, of course, you understand,
this does not mean...
1408
01:26:42,370 --> 01:26:47,171
that I am dropping my opposition
to the establishment
of a top secret base in our community.
1409
01:26:47,241 --> 01:26:49,675
Oh, no.
It simply means...
1410
01:26:49,744 --> 01:26:54,977
that I am willing to give the army
a chance to prove that I am wrong.
1411
01:26:55,049 --> 01:26:57,950
I regret to report that
we have already received...
1412
01:26:58,019 --> 01:27:00,681
a great deal of
unfavorable publicity.
1413
01:27:00,755 --> 01:27:05,954
News of our resistance has caused
grave concern in Washington, D.C.
1414
01:27:07,628 --> 01:27:10,324
As a matter of fact,
I have right here...
1415
01:27:10,398 --> 01:27:14,129
a letter that I received
from the secretary of the army.
1416
01:27:14,202 --> 01:27:16,432
- How did he get into this?
- L- I'll find out.
1417
01:27:16,504 --> 01:27:18,495
I repeat, none other
than the secretary of the army...
1418
01:27:18,573 --> 01:27:21,940
asking us to demonstrate
our patriotism...
1419
01:27:22,009 --> 01:27:24,307
by giving the army a chance.
1420
01:27:24,378 --> 01:27:27,506
- [Applauding]
- A letter from the secretary himself.
1421
01:27:27,582 --> 01:27:29,880
How did you ever swing that?
1422
01:27:29,951 --> 01:27:34,718
- Well, at the time it seemed-
- All right, Mr. Secretary.
1423
01:27:34,789 --> 01:27:37,724
- We hear your-
- What is the rap for forgery?
1424
01:27:37,792 --> 01:27:40,886
- We give your army a chance.
- Well-
1425
01:27:40,962 --> 01:27:43,362
- [Applauding]
- It's that bad?
1426
01:27:44,365 --> 01:27:47,266
[Doorbell Buzzing]
1427
01:27:47,335 --> 01:27:49,769
Excuse me.
1428
01:27:52,573 --> 01:27:55,235
Good evening, Mr. Bannerman.
1429
01:28:00,448 --> 01:28:03,849
Why, Mr. Hoffa,
we haven't seen much of you lately.
1430
01:28:03,918 --> 01:28:07,945
- Yes, I realize.
- However, we've seen a great deal of Angela.
1431
01:28:08,022 --> 01:28:10,650
Yes.
Angela's given me a sense of guilt.
1432
01:28:10,725 --> 01:28:14,092
I've been absent so much I've missed out
on being a part of the local activities.
1433
01:28:14,161 --> 01:28:17,494
Oh, yes, you have "missed out"
on a great deal.
1434
01:28:17,565 --> 01:28:21,558
Angela, however,
has been very active.
1435
01:28:21,636 --> 01:28:25,629
Now here is my blank check
to cover the cost of the costumes.
1436
01:28:25,706 --> 01:28:28,698
Make it out for whatever
you want, Mrs. Bannerman.
1437
01:28:28,776 --> 01:28:32,109
[Laughs]
How generous.
1438
01:28:32,179 --> 01:28:35,580
What part do you have
in mind for me, Gracie?
1439
01:28:35,650 --> 01:28:37,584
Oh, I'll give it a lot of thought, doll.
1440
01:28:37,652 --> 01:28:42,214
I'll try to come up with something
that'll bring out the... real you.
1441
01:28:42,290 --> 01:28:44,986
[Laughing]
1442
01:28:45,059 --> 01:28:49,155
- Oh, I see you have company.
We won't keep you anymore.
- Aw.
1443
01:28:49,230 --> 01:28:51,858
Good night, Harry.
Good night, Gracie.
1444
01:28:51,933 --> 01:28:54,128
Good night.
1445
01:28:54,201 --> 01:28:57,034
- [Forced Chuckle]
- [Chuckles]
1446
01:28:58,039 --> 01:29:01,236
"Good night, Harry."
1447
01:29:01,309 --> 01:29:02,571
� [Guitar Strumming]
1448
01:29:12,253 --> 01:29:15,745
You know,
I think it's about time we-
1449
01:29:18,526 --> 01:29:21,927
- What's the hardware?
- This?
1450
01:29:21,996 --> 01:29:24,624
Oh, this is Opie's sharpshooting medal.
1451
01:29:24,699 --> 01:29:28,328
- He pinned me last night. Didn't you?
- That's right.
1452
01:29:28,402 --> 01:29:34,363
And he is just about to sing a song
that he wrote especially for me.
1453
01:29:34,442 --> 01:29:36,603
That's right too.
1454
01:29:36,677 --> 01:29:38,907
Now, look,
why don't you and I step outside-
1455
01:29:38,980 --> 01:29:43,041
Why don't you just
run along and write a song?
1456
01:29:54,729 --> 01:29:57,254
Well, come on.
Give.
1457
01:29:57,331 --> 01:29:59,265
Glad to, ma'am.
1458
01:29:59,333 --> 01:30:02,461
When a man's in love,
he wants to sing it to the whole world.
1459
01:30:03,604 --> 01:30:07,734
# I was so-oh forlorn and so blue #
1460
01:30:08,909 --> 01:30:12,606
# Missin' the kissin' I knew #
1461
01:30:12,680 --> 01:30:15,513
#Then I saw you and, wow #
1462
01:30:15,583 --> 01:30:19,747
# I ain't lonely now seein' as how #
1463
01:30:19,820 --> 01:30:22,345
- #You're my boojum #
- [Laughs] Aw.
1464
01:30:22,423 --> 01:30:27,292
# I was, oh-oh, so low
I could crawl #
1465
01:30:27,361 --> 01:30:30,819
# Now I'm 11 feet tall #
1466
01:30:30,898 --> 01:30:34,026
- [Laughs]
- # Swear that I'll kiss a sow #
1467
01:30:34,101 --> 01:30:38,094
# If I'm lonely now
seein' as how #
1468
01:30:38,172 --> 01:30:40,106
#You're my boojum #
1469
01:30:40,174 --> 01:30:46,044
� Now I'll swing from a star
and play my guitar�
1470
01:30:46,113 --> 01:30:49,640
#You made me forget my old flame #
1471
01:30:49,717 --> 01:30:52,777
- Hey.
- #Your cute little face #
1472
01:30:52,853 --> 01:30:55,219
# Has taken her place #
1473
01:30:55,289 --> 01:30:59,225
# I've even forgotten her name #
1474
01:30:59,293 --> 01:31:03,889
- [Squealing]
- # Oh, you've brought a new love to me #
1475
01:31:04,899 --> 01:31:08,596
# Baby, how happy we'll be #
1476
01:31:08,669 --> 01:31:11,502
# Holy smoke
Holy cow #
1477
01:31:11,572 --> 01:31:13,540
# I ain't lonely now #
1478
01:31:13,607 --> 01:31:18,271
- # Seein' as how #
- [Squeals]
1479
01:31:18,345 --> 01:31:20,745
#You're my boojum #
1480
01:31:20,815 --> 01:31:24,751
- # My boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-
boo-boo-boo-boojum ##
- Ah! [Laughing]
1481
01:31:27,054 --> 01:31:29,921
- Do you know who's gonna be the Pilgrims?
- The army.
1482
01:31:29,990 --> 01:31:33,687
Yeah. So-So you know who's gonna
volunteer to join the Indians?
1483
01:31:33,761 --> 01:31:37,253
Us. And-And then when
the rumble's over...
1484
01:31:37,331 --> 01:31:39,561
we've wiped out the army.
1485
01:31:39,633 --> 01:31:41,828
Now-Now, the way that I see it-
1486
01:31:44,038 --> 01:31:47,769
[Narrator] Well, this is it.
The day of days at Putnam's Landing...
1487
01:31:47,842 --> 01:31:51,243
where Pilgrims meet Indians,
and civilians meet army.
1488
01:31:51,312 --> 01:31:53,906
And doves of peace
whisper gently...
1489
01:31:53,981 --> 01:31:56,609
that all must learn to live
happily side by side.
1490
01:31:56,684 --> 01:32:01,018
Friends and neighbors,
there's a well-known saying...
1491
01:32:01,222 --> 01:32:04,248
that coming events
cast their shadows.
1492
01:32:04,325 --> 01:32:07,317
Now today I hope-
1493
01:32:07,394 --> 01:32:09,385
[Audience Laughing]
1494
01:32:13,334 --> 01:32:15,962
[Laughing Continues]
1495
01:32:16,036 --> 01:32:20,439
Well, so much for that.
[Clears Throat]
1496
01:32:20,508 --> 01:32:23,534
"I will now take you back
many, many years...
1497
01:32:23,611 --> 01:32:28,571
"to the time when our eastern seacoast
was occupied by hostile Indians.
1498
01:32:28,649 --> 01:32:31,516
- ## [Drumbeat]
- "On this day in the early 1600s...
1499
01:32:31,585 --> 01:32:34,349
- "the Indians are celebrating a happy event-
- [Whooping]
1500
01:32:34,421 --> 01:32:37,322
"The betrothal ofbeautiful
Princess Pocahontas...
1501
01:32:37,391 --> 01:32:40,019
"the daughter of Chief Powhatan...
1502
01:32:40,094 --> 01:32:43,325
to the handsome young brave,
White Wing. "
1503
01:32:43,397 --> 01:32:45,888
[Whooping Continues]
1504
01:32:50,504 --> 01:32:56,443
"In true Indian fashion, the young lovers
learn of the sweet mysteries of marriage...
1505
01:32:56,510 --> 01:32:59,638
"from the most experienced
member of the tribe...
1506
01:32:59,713 --> 01:33:02,978
Princess Flaming Tepee."
1507
01:33:15,262 --> 01:33:17,287
[Whooping]
1508
01:33:19,333 --> 01:33:24,464
"Legend has it that Princess Flaming Tepee
has broken up many a wigwam.
1509
01:33:31,378 --> 01:33:36,213
The Indians were unaware they were gazing
at the good ship Mayflower."
1510
01:33:36,283 --> 01:33:39,309
- Boat!
- [Whooping]
1511
01:33:39,386 --> 01:33:42,480
"Suddenly, the princess's dance
was cut short."
1512
01:33:42,556 --> 01:33:44,547
## [Ends]
1513
01:33:46,393 --> 01:33:51,194
I repeat, "Suddenly,
the princess's dance was cut short."
1514
01:33:51,265 --> 01:33:55,167
Mrs. Hoffa.
Mrs. Hoffa!
1515
01:33:55,236 --> 01:33:57,830
The boat is here.
1516
01:34:01,775 --> 01:34:05,233
Thorwald to Bannerman, you're on.
Get the lead out of your Pilgrims.
1517
01:34:05,312 --> 01:34:09,112
Bannerman to Thorwald.
Wilco and out, sir.
1518
01:34:09,183 --> 01:34:12,710
Captain Hoxie,
you will proceed to shore.
1519
01:34:12,786 --> 01:34:17,314
All right, snap to it, you guys.
Let's get this clambake over with.
1520
01:34:22,229 --> 01:34:26,598
"Ladies and gentlemen,
this is a glorious moment in history...
1521
01:34:26,667 --> 01:34:29,568
"the landing of the Pilgrims
on Plymouth Rock.
1522
01:34:29,637 --> 01:34:33,368
"First to set foot on the rock
was GovernorJohn Carver...
1523
01:34:33,440 --> 01:34:37,501
"who was to rule the little
colony wisely and well.
1524
01:34:37,578 --> 01:34:41,105
Let us all watch in reverent silence."
1525
01:34:51,492 --> 01:34:54,393
Is the Plymouth Rock greased?
1526
01:34:54,461 --> 01:34:57,453
- What else, man?
- [Shouts]
1527
01:34:57,531 --> 01:34:59,556
[Laughing]
1528
01:34:59,633 --> 01:35:02,830
Boat! Boat! Boat!
1529
01:35:02,903 --> 01:35:06,134
[Whooping]
1530
01:35:29,029 --> 01:35:32,931
"Learning that the military leader
of the Pilgrims is Captain John Smith...
1531
01:35:33,000 --> 01:35:35,696
"the Indians prepare
to burn him at the stake.
1532
01:35:37,037 --> 01:35:39,403
"Uh, but at the last minute
Pocahontas intercedes...
1533
01:35:39,473 --> 01:35:43,239
"to plead for the life of
Captain John Smith and for the others.
1534
01:35:43,310 --> 01:35:46,746
"Uh, for those of you who do not
understand Indian sign language...
1535
01:35:46,814 --> 01:35:48,873
"I will translate.
1536
01:35:48,949 --> 01:35:51,474
"'Uh, Father, I beg of you,
do not destroy this paleface...
1537
01:35:51,552 --> 01:35:55,249
until you know whether he and
his people come to us as friend or foe."'
1538
01:35:58,359 --> 01:36:00,657
The rumble now?
1539
01:36:01,929 --> 01:36:03,863
Now.
1540
01:36:08,035 --> 01:36:11,027
[Popping]
1541
01:36:31,458 --> 01:36:34,450
It says here that
this peaceful relationship...
1542
01:36:34,528 --> 01:36:37,019
continued for over
a hundred years.
1543
01:36:37,097 --> 01:36:40,089
- [Whooping]
- [Popping]
1544
01:36:44,671 --> 01:36:46,662
Uh, Mayflower to General Thorwald.
1545
01:36:46,740 --> 01:36:49,732
Sir, my ship seems to be
changing position rapidly.
1546
01:36:49,810 --> 01:36:51,869
Is it changing to port
or to starboard?
1547
01:36:53,414 --> 01:36:55,348
I would say
it's downward, sir.
1548
01:37:14,068 --> 01:37:16,559
[Cheering]
1549
01:37:22,409 --> 01:37:26,106
Thorwald? This is the Mayflower, sir.
L-I've got a bit of a problem.
1550
01:37:26,180 --> 01:37:29,172
- Don't give up the ship.
- Aye, aye, sir.
1551
01:37:37,691 --> 01:37:39,784
Calling General Thorwald, sir.
1552
01:37:39,860 --> 01:37:43,296
Over... and under.
1553
01:38:17,164 --> 01:38:19,894
[Narrator]
In a last desperate effort to save the day...
1554
01:38:19,967 --> 01:38:23,698
General Thorwald decided to let
the governing body of Putnam's Landing...
1555
01:38:23,770 --> 01:38:26,261
in on the big secret.
1556
01:38:26,340 --> 01:38:30,208
Now we find Captain Hoxie
in charge of a chimpanzee.
1557
01:38:30,277 --> 01:38:32,837
He, the chimp-
the one on the left-
1558
01:38:32,913 --> 01:38:35,473
plays an important role in
the army's closely-guarded secret.
1559
01:38:35,549 --> 01:38:37,915
- Ah.
- [Chimp Shouting]
1560
01:38:37,985 --> 01:38:41,887
Here's the secret
we are going to share.
1561
01:38:41,955 --> 01:38:45,220
Come on, LeRoy.
[Chuckles]
1562
01:38:45,292 --> 01:38:49,092
There we are. Oh!
1563
01:38:49,163 --> 01:38:54,863
Ah. This little fellow is going
to take a journey into space...
1564
01:38:54,935 --> 01:38:58,029
and return, alive.
1565
01:38:58,105 --> 01:39:00,665
- Aren't you? Yes, he agrees.
- [Chattering]
1566
01:39:00,741 --> 01:39:04,108
Every conceivable precaution
has been taken for his safe return.
1567
01:39:04,178 --> 01:39:07,238
It's 99 and 9/10ths percent assured.
1568
01:39:07,314 --> 01:39:12,479
But that is why we are sending this
little fella instead of a human volunteer.
1569
01:39:12,553 --> 01:39:17,081
Now then, we will enact for you just what
will take place in the foreseeable future.
1570
01:39:17,157 --> 01:39:21,093
Uh, up to the point
of takeoff, of course.
1571
01:39:21,161 --> 01:39:24,358
Captain, would you take LeRoy
and put him up in the cone, please?
1572
01:39:24,431 --> 01:39:26,456
- Yes, sir.
- There.
1573
01:39:26,533 --> 01:39:29,161
LeRoy won't let anybody
but Captain Hoxie put him up there.
1574
01:39:29,236 --> 01:39:31,227
Well, lately he's begun
to fight me too.
1575
01:39:31,305 --> 01:39:34,035
- [Squealing]
- Huh?
1576
01:39:34,107 --> 01:39:35,870
Y-You see what I mean, sir?
1577
01:39:35,943 --> 01:39:40,277
Uh, this- this may take a little time.
1578
01:39:40,347 --> 01:39:44,215
So while we're waiting for LeRoy
to get housed in the cone...
1579
01:39:44,284 --> 01:39:46,809
- I'd like to show you the extreme precaution...
- [Squealing Continues]
1580
01:39:46,887 --> 01:39:49,355
We will take at
the actual launching.
1581
01:39:49,423 --> 01:39:51,357
Follow me, gentlemen.
1582
01:39:52,726 --> 01:39:56,127
Now, gentlemen,
if all these gadgets confuse you...
1583
01:39:56,196 --> 01:39:58,630
believe me, you are not alone.
1584
01:39:58,699 --> 01:40:03,102
Only the big brains- uh, the scientists-
know the inner workings.
1585
01:40:03,170 --> 01:40:05,934
In layman's language
it boils down to...
1586
01:40:06,006 --> 01:40:09,203
lever number one,
lever number two...
1587
01:40:09,276 --> 01:40:11,267
and the button.
1588
01:40:11,345 --> 01:40:15,406
Now, if you'll retain that simple thought,
I'll take you into control room number two.
1589
01:40:15,482 --> 01:40:18,451
Uh, this way, gentlemen.
Through there, please.
1590
01:40:18,518 --> 01:40:22,113
[LeRoy Screaming]
1591
01:40:25,826 --> 01:40:28,795
You will follow me, please.
1592
01:40:32,332 --> 01:40:34,425
[Screaming Continues]
1593
01:40:34,501 --> 01:40:36,435
[Chuckles]
1594
01:40:36,503 --> 01:40:40,064
They've been together so much
I think they're getting on each other's nerves.
1595
01:40:40,140 --> 01:40:42,074
[Laughing]
1596
01:40:42,142 --> 01:40:44,474
- No. You-
- [Screaming Continues]
1597
01:40:44,544 --> 01:40:46,478
Ah!
1598
01:40:46,546 --> 01:40:49,777
Now you remember the controls
in the other room-
1599
01:40:49,850 --> 01:40:53,752
Lever number one,
lever number two and the button.
1600
01:40:53,820 --> 01:40:57,347
Now, gentlemen, this is indeed
a mechanized age we're living in.
1601
01:40:57,424 --> 01:41:00,484
Uh, for instance-
Excuse me.
1602
01:41:00,560 --> 01:41:02,221
N-
1603
01:41:04,164 --> 01:41:08,362
[Narrator] At the base hospital, they removed
Grace's wet clothes and dismissed her.
1604
01:41:08,435 --> 01:41:11,495
As an afterthought,
they gave her this outfit.
1605
01:41:14,074 --> 01:41:16,838
Here. You see?
Each step of this complicated procedure...
1606
01:41:16,910 --> 01:41:20,311
can be followed on these
panels around the room.
1607
01:41:20,380 --> 01:41:25,477
And, uh, later you'll be able to see
the activity at the actual launching site.
1608
01:41:25,552 --> 01:41:28,612
But, gentlemen,
in the final analysis...
1609
01:41:28,689 --> 01:41:32,022
it is the human equation
that really counts.
1610
01:41:34,461 --> 01:41:37,624
Hello, operator. I was told
that I would find General Thorwald...
1611
01:41:37,698 --> 01:41:39,962
in control room number one, but he-
1612
01:41:41,401 --> 01:41:44,029
Never mind.
1613
01:41:44,104 --> 01:41:46,038
I just missed you
at the base hospital.
1614
01:41:46,106 --> 01:41:49,303
They told me that they had ordered
you home and straight to bed.
1615
01:41:49,376 --> 01:41:53,938
I have to apologize to General Thorwald first.
Thank you.
1616
01:41:54,014 --> 01:41:56,175
Well, forget about General Thorwald.
1617
01:41:56,249 --> 01:41:58,717
- You know, maybe you'd better
apologize to me first.
- Harry!
1618
01:41:58,785 --> 01:42:00,719
This is a showdown!
1619
01:42:00,787 --> 01:42:04,951
The first thing I have to say is I love you,
and I'm tired of sleeping in the guest room.
1620
01:42:05,025 --> 01:42:07,960
- Harry!
- And the second thing that I have to say...
1621
01:42:08,028 --> 01:42:10,394
is that- that I am a man
who wants his wife back.
1622
01:42:10,464 --> 01:42:13,661
- And I'm gonna get her back, too,
because I am right on my side...
- [Squeals]
1623
01:42:13,734 --> 01:42:16,134
And-and no pigheaded woman's
gonna wreck my home.
1624
01:42:16,203 --> 01:42:21,106
The rocket cannot be launched until
all are agreed that conditions are perfect.
1625
01:42:21,174 --> 01:42:27,135
At that moment, lever number one here and
lever number one in the other room are pulled.
1626
01:42:28,148 --> 01:42:30,082
Harry, you're going berserk!
1627
01:42:30,150 --> 01:42:32,914
- Not only that, but I am running amok!
- [Screams]
1628
01:42:32,986 --> 01:42:35,853
Now watch.
1629
01:42:35,922 --> 01:42:40,882
Uh, this is our closed-circuit
color television.
1630
01:42:40,961 --> 01:42:45,261
And I will try to describe some of
the intricacies of this massive operation.
1631
01:42:45,332 --> 01:42:48,199
Now this on the side is the crane.
1632
01:42:48,268 --> 01:42:51,499
Uh, we call it the "gantry."
1633
01:42:51,571 --> 01:42:54,096
Here you see a long shot
of the crane. There it is.
1634
01:42:54,174 --> 01:42:56,699
There's the rocket
which is 90 feet high.
1635
01:42:56,777 --> 01:43:00,235
Now in a moment
the crane will be removed.
1636
01:43:00,313 --> 01:43:03,578
Every man becomes tense
as we near the end of the countdown.
1637
01:43:03,650 --> 01:43:06,016
Although this is only a dry run...
1638
01:43:06,086 --> 01:43:08,611
one still gets a great feeling
of excitement.
1639
01:43:08,688 --> 01:43:13,125
Then if the men controlling lever number two
are in accord, the same thing applies.
1640
01:43:13,193 --> 01:43:15,127
Follow?
1641
01:43:15,195 --> 01:43:18,892
Now, while I'm still the aggressor,
we're gonna get one thing straight.
1642
01:43:18,965 --> 01:43:21,900
There was absolutely nothing going on
between me and Angela Hoffa.
1643
01:43:21,968 --> 01:43:24,528
- But I mean absolutely nothing going on-
- Stop. Stop.
1644
01:43:24,604 --> 01:43:26,538
I believe you.
1645
01:43:26,606 --> 01:43:30,906
Would you like to, uh,
clarify that statement?
1646
01:43:30,977 --> 01:43:34,105
- I have faith in you.
- Honey, do you-
1647
01:43:34,181 --> 01:43:37,708
[Clears Throat] Do you have a fever?
I mean, you're not yourself.
1648
01:43:37,784 --> 01:43:39,877
- Like this afternoon, jumping into the bay...
- [Sighs]
1649
01:43:39,953 --> 01:43:42,615
And trying to end it all
because your pageant was a flop.
1650
01:43:42,689 --> 01:43:44,953
Oh, honey, you're lovably stupid.
1651
01:43:45,025 --> 01:43:49,655
Aren't you ashamed? I mean, did you forget
that you're the mother of two children?
1652
01:43:49,729 --> 01:43:53,062
No. I was thinking of their father.
1653
01:43:53,133 --> 01:43:56,000
When I saw you hit the water,
and I didn't see you come up-
1654
01:43:56,069 --> 01:43:58,003
You mean, you tried to re-
1655
01:43:58,071 --> 01:44:01,268
- Honey, the deepest water you've
ever been in is the bathtub.
- Uh-huh.
1656
01:44:01,341 --> 01:44:03,275
- I mean, without water wings.
- [Laughs]
1657
01:44:03,343 --> 01:44:05,573
And, now, when all are agreed
the conditions are perfect...
1658
01:44:05,645 --> 01:44:08,637
and during the countdown procedure
at "X" minus five...
1659
01:44:08,715 --> 01:44:11,684
two men must make
the same momentous decision...
1660
01:44:11,751 --> 01:44:15,812
to press the identical buttons
setting off the electronic triggering device.
1661
01:44:15,889 --> 01:44:19,154
Oh, Grace Oglethorpe, home we go.
1662
01:44:19,226 --> 01:44:21,694
And then I'm gonna put you in
a hot tub of water.
1663
01:44:21,761 --> 01:44:25,128
- Yeah. What else?
- And then I'm gonna give you
a big snifter of hot brandy.
1664
01:44:25,198 --> 01:44:27,598
- Yeah. What else?
- And so to bed.
1665
01:44:27,667 --> 01:44:29,601
[Moans]
1666
01:44:29,669 --> 01:44:31,830
And then we'll attempt
to solve my problem.
1667
01:44:31,905 --> 01:44:33,998
What do you say to that?
1668
01:44:34,074 --> 01:44:37,271
Now when the triggering device is set off,
the red light goes on overhead...
1669
01:44:37,344 --> 01:44:39,676
and LeRoy is on his way.
1670
01:44:39,746 --> 01:44:42,044
- Of course, nothing happens now.
- [Machinery Starting Up]
1671
01:44:42,115 --> 01:44:44,049
The red light is on.
1672
01:45:01,601 --> 01:45:03,592
What happened?
1673
01:45:11,945 --> 01:45:14,345
[LeRoy Chattering]
1674
01:45:16,783 --> 01:45:19,047
LeRoy! Where's Hoxie?
1675
01:45:19,119 --> 01:45:21,053
[Chattering]
1676
01:45:29,062 --> 01:45:31,326
Is that Hoxie up there?
1677
01:45:31,398 --> 01:45:33,696
[Laughing]
Who-Who else?
1678
01:45:35,969 --> 01:45:37,903
Can he get out?
1679
01:45:37,971 --> 01:45:41,498
If he has sense enough to eject himself,
he'll float down.
1680
01:45:43,410 --> 01:45:45,435
And be court-martialed.
1681
01:45:45,512 --> 01:45:47,503
[Laughing]
1682
01:45:52,385 --> 01:45:56,219
[Phone Rings]
1683
01:45:59,459 --> 01:46:02,860
- Hello.
- Good luck, Harry.
1684
01:46:02,929 --> 01:46:04,920
Thank you.
1685
01:46:08,168 --> 01:46:10,568
Well, who was that?
1686
01:46:10,637 --> 01:46:12,628
Angela Hoffa.
1687
01:46:12,706 --> 01:46:15,072
Oh, Harry.
1688
01:46:15,141 --> 01:46:17,632
[Laughing]
1689
01:46:18,632 --> 01:46:28,632
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