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1
00:00:01,993 --> 00:00:03,887
Old habits die hard.
2
00:00:03,955 --> 00:00:05,556
Don't tweet it. Eat it.
3
00:00:12,063 --> 00:00:14,098
It is not an "outfit of the day."
4
00:00:14,165 --> 00:00:15,933
It is just an outfit.
5
00:00:16,001 --> 00:00:17,101
My followers want to know what I'm wearing.
6
00:00:17,168 --> 00:00:18,669
Perhaps they can redirect their attention
7
00:00:18,737 --> 00:00:19,870
to something more important,
8
00:00:19,938 --> 00:00:22,473
like fracking or Ronan Farrow.
9
00:00:22,540 --> 00:00:25,509
I'm pretty sure my followers
hate both of those things.
10
00:00:25,577 --> 00:00:28,112
Henry was trying to help
me become a better person.
11
00:00:28,179 --> 00:00:30,247
And even though I appreciated his help...
12
00:00:30,315 --> 00:00:32,816
"For your prompt and professional service,
13
00:00:32,884 --> 00:00:35,085
"I offer my sincere thanks.
14
00:00:35,153 --> 00:00:37,221
Kind regards. Eliza Dooley."
15
00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:39,456
I also kind of wanted him die.
16
00:00:39,524 --> 00:00:41,091
By the time the weekend rolled around,
17
00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,028
I just wanted to order a
latte and not say "thanks."
18
00:00:44,095 --> 00:00:46,430
Thanks.
19
00:00:47,999 --> 00:00:50,534
Any big plans this weekend?
20
00:00:50,602 --> 00:00:52,002
Yeah, I'm gonna try to
bump into some celebrities,
21
00:00:52,070 --> 00:00:53,937
maybe hit a gifting suite,
kick it with karrueche,
22
00:00:54,005 --> 00:00:56,373
yacht-hop, pitbull, binge-drink
till I'm white-girl wasted.
23
00:00:56,441 --> 00:00:58,008
Pop by this pop-up party, get my grind on,
24
00:00:58,076 --> 00:00:59,610
swing by in-n-out, kiss a hamburger
25
00:00:59,678 --> 00:01:01,912
- full makeup, no filter, David Guetta.
- W-what? W-why?
26
00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:03,280
Why would you do any of those things?
27
00:01:03,348 --> 00:01:05,182
My friend Brit is only 17 followhores away
28
00:01:05,250 --> 00:01:06,250
from catching up to me.
29
00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:07,484
"Followhores."
30
00:01:07,552 --> 00:01:09,153
So I need to cop a like
spike, score a regram,
31
00:01:09,220 --> 00:01:10,320
and basically, you know,
32
00:01:10,388 --> 00:01:11,622
remind Brit that she's a worthless skank.
33
00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:13,390
I can say that.
34
00:01:13,458 --> 00:01:14,391
She's my best friend.
35
00:01:14,459 --> 00:01:15,693
- Morning.
- Morning.
36
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,494
- Morning. Morning.
- Oh, morning.
37
00:01:20,165 --> 00:01:22,332
Not to diminish the importance
of smiting your friends,
38
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,102
but could I also convince you
to try something more meaningful,
39
00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:26,704
something more constructive,
40
00:01:26,771 --> 00:01:28,672
like, dare I say, to help others?
41
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,307
Help...Others?
42
00:01:30,375 --> 00:01:32,910
- B-but it's the weekend.
- And?
43
00:01:32,977 --> 00:01:35,212
Weekends are supposed to be productive.
44
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,387
Haven't you ever heard the
song "working for the weekend"?
45
00:01:37,450 --> 00:01:39,049
- No.
- No?
46
00:01:39,117 --> 00:01:41,318
It's an extremely catchy
pop anthem about people
47
00:01:41,386 --> 00:01:44,421
who opt to spend the weekend working.
48
00:01:44,489 --> 00:01:48,592
Everybody's working for the weekend
49
00:01:50,061 --> 00:01:55,332
Everybody needs a second chance
50
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:59,136
everybody's
working for the weekend
51
00:02:00,638 --> 00:02:02,539
That song's not about
working for the weekend.
52
00:02:02,607 --> 00:02:04,508
Beg your pardon?
53
00:02:04,576 --> 00:02:07,578
I love that song, but it's not
about working for the weekend.
54
00:02:07,645 --> 00:02:09,580
It's about working for the weekend.
55
00:02:09,647 --> 00:02:10,948
That's what I said.
56
00:02:11,015 --> 00:02:13,484
No, it's about working in
anticipation of the weekend.
57
00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:14,918
Oh, I see.
58
00:02:14,986 --> 00:02:17,421
So the sole purpose of working
is to enjoy the weekend.
59
00:02:17,489 --> 00:02:19,223
- That's exactly right.
- Yes! Thank you!
60
00:02:19,290 --> 00:02:20,958
Well, that was certainly
not my interpretation.
61
00:02:21,025 --> 00:02:22,259
As you can imagine,
62
00:02:22,327 --> 00:02:24,261
I will now be removing
that jam from my playlist.
63
00:02:24,329 --> 00:02:25,996
Okay, how about this?
64
00:02:26,064 --> 00:02:29,399
I promise to work for the
weekend if you promise not to.
65
00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:31,735
And just to clarify, 'cause
there has been some confusion...
66
00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,971
I will accept Henry's assignment
and do something to help others
67
00:02:34,038 --> 00:02:35,272
if, in return,
68
00:02:35,340 --> 00:02:36,974
he will spend his weekend
doing anything but working.
69
00:02:37,041 --> 00:02:39,243
He needs to let loose and have some fun.
70
00:02:39,310 --> 00:02:41,006
Oh, I intend to.
71
00:02:41,038 --> 00:02:44,140
We're talking weekends,
right? Mine's gonna be huge.
72
00:02:44,208 --> 00:02:47,009
Got my high-school reunion tomorrow night!
73
00:02:47,077 --> 00:02:48,544
And the one that got away
74
00:02:48,612 --> 00:02:52,081
will be in attendance... Mitchell Mcmoney.
75
00:02:52,149 --> 00:02:54,050
Now, I truly believe,
in my heart of hearts,
76
00:02:54,118 --> 00:02:57,186
that the only reason why I
am still single is because
77
00:02:57,254 --> 00:03:00,456
I'm destined to be Mrs. Mcmoney.
78
00:03:02,159 --> 00:03:06,062
The year was 1994.
79
00:03:06,130 --> 00:03:07,763
- Yeah, I got a meeting that starts...
- Shh!
80
00:03:08,762 --> 00:03:11,367
Just as we were about
to exit the friend zone
81
00:03:11,435 --> 00:03:13,970
and get our grind on, someone paged me.
82
00:03:14,037 --> 00:03:15,972
The 411 was a 911,
83
00:03:16,039 --> 00:03:19,075
meaning I had to outie 5000.
84
00:03:19,143 --> 00:03:20,476
The next thing you know,
85
00:03:20,544 --> 00:03:23,312
he was on tour making
oversized blazers for Jodeci,
86
00:03:23,380 --> 00:03:25,515
- and I was at Yale.
- You went to Yale?
87
00:03:25,582 --> 00:03:27,016
This weekend, I'm finally
gonna get my chance
88
00:03:27,084 --> 00:03:28,151
to rekindle things.
89
00:03:28,218 --> 00:03:29,152
- Charmonique?
- Hmm?
90
00:03:29,219 --> 00:03:30,486
I always look good.
91
00:03:30,554 --> 00:03:32,755
I could come over tomorrow
night and help you get ready,
92
00:03:32,823 --> 00:03:35,858
if you think that would be
selfless and thoughtful of me.
93
00:03:35,926 --> 00:03:38,694
You know what? That would be
selfless and thoughtful of you.
94
00:03:38,762 --> 00:03:40,163
- Thanks!
- Yeah!
95
00:03:40,230 --> 00:03:41,330
Your turn.
96
00:04:01,518 --> 00:04:02,952
Hey, Henry.
97
00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:03,953
Friday night, huh?
98
00:04:04,021 --> 00:04:06,389
That's correct. About to get turnt!
99
00:04:06,456 --> 00:04:07,924
Myself, as well.
100
00:04:07,991 --> 00:04:10,193
Really? What have you got planned?
101
00:04:10,260 --> 00:04:11,827
Well, I was planning on going home
102
00:04:11,895 --> 00:04:13,963
to not think about work for a little while.
103
00:04:14,031 --> 00:04:16,465
And I thought I'd make
and enjoy a big salad.
104
00:04:17,901 --> 00:04:19,702
Might throw in some chicken
I grilled two nights ago.
105
00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:20,870
Henry.
106
00:04:20,938 --> 00:04:22,872
Maybe a handful of tortilla strips
107
00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:24,040
for added crunch.
108
00:04:24,107 --> 00:04:25,875
- Added crunch.
- You heard.
109
00:04:25,943 --> 00:04:27,610
Henry, that's the most depressing thing
110
00:04:27,678 --> 00:04:28,878
I've ever heard.
111
00:04:28,946 --> 00:04:31,047
Well, you must be blissfully
unaware of the sound
112
00:04:31,114 --> 00:04:34,217
a mother whale makes when
mourning the loss of her pup.
113
00:04:34,284 --> 00:04:36,552
She basically barks across the whole ocean.
114
00:04:36,620 --> 00:04:39,288
Well, I hope Saperstein
doesn't bark across the ocean
115
00:04:39,356 --> 00:04:41,057
when we kill the children's
vitamin line on Monday.
116
00:04:41,124 --> 00:04:42,458
- What?
- Has that been confirmed?
117
00:04:42,526 --> 00:04:44,260
Oh, it's confirmed. It's going bye-bye.
118
00:04:44,328 --> 00:04:45,661
Oh, come on, Henry.
119
00:04:45,729 --> 00:04:47,597
That chewable hasn't been
profitable for years now.
120
00:04:47,664 --> 00:04:49,465
We're actually losing money producing it.
121
00:04:49,533 --> 00:04:51,300
That chewable put our company on the map!
122
00:04:51,368 --> 00:04:54,637
The year was several years ago.
123
00:04:54,705 --> 00:04:57,807
The assignment was to make
kids excited about minerals.
124
00:04:57,874 --> 00:04:59,475
Until then, our kids chewable
125
00:04:59,543 --> 00:05:01,644
had been a blue oval that tasted like dirt.
126
00:05:01,712 --> 00:05:03,546
But I supposed children would prefer
127
00:05:03,614 --> 00:05:06,148
a vibrant orange elephant
that tasted like tangerine.
128
00:05:06,216 --> 00:05:07,183
And, damn it, they did!
129
00:05:07,251 --> 00:05:09,652
Our chewable flew off the shelves,
130
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:10,853
and kinderkare pharmaceuticals
131
00:05:10,921 --> 00:05:13,022
won the prestigious Brandmar award.
132
00:05:13,090 --> 00:05:15,157
That little orange elephant is a rock star,
133
00:05:15,225 --> 00:05:16,926
and my first big rebrand.
134
00:05:16,994 --> 00:05:19,262
It's a relic, and it can't keep up
135
00:05:19,329 --> 00:05:21,597
with its younger, hipper,
gummier counterparts.
136
00:05:21,665 --> 00:05:22,765
Look, I know it sucks,
137
00:05:22,833 --> 00:05:24,267
but sometimes you got
to cut down the old trees
138
00:05:24,334 --> 00:05:25,768
to let the new ones grow.
139
00:05:25,836 --> 00:05:26,936
Am I right, father time?
140
00:05:27,004 --> 00:05:29,305
Who's father time? I'm father time?
141
00:05:29,373 --> 00:05:30,773
I'm not the one planning my weekend
142
00:05:30,841 --> 00:05:31,941
around a bowl of roughage.
143
00:05:32,009 --> 00:05:33,943
- I said with grilled chicken!
- Oh, wow.
144
00:05:34,011 --> 00:05:35,144
Sir.
145
00:05:35,212 --> 00:05:38,047
Grilled chicken could be fun.
146
00:05:38,115 --> 00:05:39,982
I thought so.
147
00:05:47,457 --> 00:05:49,892
Our chewable's history, isn't it?
148
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,794
I don't know...
149
00:05:51,862 --> 00:05:55,131
don't flimflam me, son.
Give it to me straight.
150
00:05:55,198 --> 00:05:57,300
Sir, I'm gonna think of something.
151
00:05:57,367 --> 00:05:59,135
- I'm gonna work through the weekend...
- There's no point.
152
00:05:59,202 --> 00:06:00,503
It's already gone.
153
00:06:00,570 --> 00:06:02,305
Its chalky soul left
the building hours ago.
154
00:06:02,372 --> 00:06:03,606
I can feel it.
155
00:06:03,674 --> 00:06:07,043
And if I know that fruity
rascal like I think I do,
156
00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:09,045
it would want us to carry on.
157
00:06:10,614 --> 00:06:12,315
Have a great weekend.
158
00:06:15,719 --> 00:06:21,424
So...Carry on and have a...Great weekend.
159
00:06:21,491 --> 00:06:26,028
The next night, I showed
up at Charmonique's place.
160
00:06:26,096 --> 00:06:29,332
I would do my good deed, then
get the hell out of dodge.
161
00:06:33,570 --> 00:06:35,071
No, thank you.
162
00:06:35,138 --> 00:06:37,206
Move.
163
00:06:37,274 --> 00:06:38,607
Mom!
164
00:06:38,675 --> 00:06:41,377
Now, he remembers me
with the Mary J. Blige,
165
00:06:41,445 --> 00:06:43,479
but a part of me wants to flip the script
166
00:06:43,547 --> 00:06:45,548
and hit him with some Erykah bad...
167
00:06:45,615 --> 00:06:48,150
- Mm-hmm. I understand that instinct.
- Okay.
168
00:06:48,218 --> 00:06:50,119
But when you completely reinvent your look,
169
00:06:50,187 --> 00:06:51,554
you run the risk of
170
00:06:51,621 --> 00:06:53,522
people not knowing who the hell you are...
171
00:06:53,590 --> 00:06:55,991
I.E. Ren?e Zellweger,
who still looks good...
172
00:06:56,059 --> 00:06:59,295
But doesn't look a damn thing
like miss Ren?e Zellweger.
173
00:06:59,363 --> 00:07:00,930
Mm-hmm. I see what you mean.
174
00:07:00,997 --> 00:07:02,531
Mm. Exactly.
175
00:07:02,599 --> 00:07:05,034
Whoo! Okay. So, let's try the t-boz.
176
00:07:05,102 --> 00:07:08,070
Okay. Thank you.
177
00:07:08,138 --> 00:07:11,240
Oh, I love it.
178
00:07:12,609 --> 00:07:15,010
no, I don't want no scrubs
179
00:07:15,078 --> 00:07:17,646
A scrub is a guy that
can't get no love from me
180
00:07:17,714 --> 00:07:20,916
hanging on the passenger
side of his best friend's ride
181
00:07:20,984 --> 00:07:22,251
-
Try...
- Oh, no.
182
00:07:22,319 --> 00:07:23,652
Oh, hell, no.
183
00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:25,755
Please, no, no. This can't be happening.
184
00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:27,356
- What's wrong?
- She's sick.
185
00:07:27,424 --> 00:07:29,358
- My sitter's sick!
- She's sick?!
186
00:07:29,426 --> 00:07:31,861
Yeah, she says she had bad
Mexican food at the mall
187
00:07:31,928 --> 00:07:32,995
and she can't stop vomiting.
188
00:07:33,063 --> 00:07:34,130
Did you tell her she can vomit here?
189
00:07:34,197 --> 00:07:36,599
Oh.
190
00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:41,837
"You...Can... Vomit...Here."
191
00:07:41,905 --> 00:07:43,172
What did she say?
192
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,941
She says she isn't coming.
193
00:07:46,009 --> 00:07:49,845
My psychic said an unknown force
would keep me from true love.
194
00:07:49,913 --> 00:07:51,113
But I didn't think
195
00:07:51,181 --> 00:07:53,983
it was gonna be a $5
burrito from the food court.
196
00:07:54,050 --> 00:07:55,618
I'm really sorry.
197
00:07:55,685 --> 00:07:58,220
And no one's gonna be able
to come on such short notice.
198
00:07:58,288 --> 00:07:59,889
Mm. Probably not, no.
199
00:07:59,956 --> 00:08:01,690
So that's it.
200
00:08:01,758 --> 00:08:03,392
I'm gonna miss my reunion
201
00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:05,694
and my chance to find true love.
202
00:08:05,762 --> 00:08:08,931
It sure sounds that way.
203
00:08:08,999 --> 00:08:11,000
Yeah.
204
00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:14,470
I can't think of one single solution
205
00:08:14,538 --> 00:08:17,473
in this whole, entire universe
206
00:08:17,541 --> 00:08:21,877
that would allow me to
go to my event tonight.
207
00:08:21,945 --> 00:08:22,878
Can you?
208
00:08:32,589 --> 00:08:33,489
No.
209
00:08:34,957 --> 00:08:37,588
Now, he only eats nuggets,
so just nuggets for dinner,
210
00:08:37,656 --> 00:08:39,023
maybe one or two nuggets before bed,
211
00:08:39,091 --> 00:08:40,791
and, if I'm not home by morning,
212
00:08:40,859 --> 00:08:42,627
a bowl of nuggets with some O.J.
213
00:08:42,694 --> 00:08:46,998
Um, okay, here is my number
if you need to reach me.
214
00:08:47,065 --> 00:08:49,267
Oh, I would like to request that
215
00:08:49,334 --> 00:08:51,335
you keep the door to
my wig colosseum closed
216
00:08:51,403 --> 00:08:53,104
because, if I did not make it clear,
217
00:08:53,171 --> 00:08:56,007
this whole situation is on climate control
218
00:08:56,074 --> 00:08:58,142
and has an estimated value of 60 grand.
219
00:08:58,210 --> 00:08:59,877
$60,000?
220
00:08:59,945 --> 00:09:00,912
Okay, Kevin, I'm leaving.
221
00:09:00,979 --> 00:09:02,304
Get it.
222
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:03,442
I will, baby.
223
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:04,910
Mwah!
224
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,212
I'm gonna call you soon, okay?
225
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,514
Oh, and, Eliza, thank you for this.
226
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:09,982
Ah, ah!
227
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,417
I owe you one.
228
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:12,885
Get it!
229
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,087
I'm not gonna let you die.
230
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,122
I can't.
231
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,193
- Hello?
- Thanks a lot, Henry.
232
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,695
That one nice thing you made me do
233
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,063
turned into another nice thing.
234
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,332
- That's wonderful.
- No, it's not wonderful!
235
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,900
Now I'm actually working for the weekend,
236
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,869
which you'd better not be,
because that was our deal.
237
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,170
What do you think...
I'm over here hanging out
238
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,938
with a bottle of vitamins? No.
239
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:36,008
I promise you... I am full of salad,
240
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:39,011
and I'm about to get... Turnt.
241
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,280
Well, that makes one of us.
242
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,119
Want to dress up like Power Rangers?
243
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,954
No.
244
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,457
What's wrong? You don't like kids?
245
00:09:51,525 --> 00:09:53,326
- They're okay.
- Then what?
246
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,227
You wouldn't understand.
247
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,362
Try me.
248
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,431
It's just my friend Brit and I have
249
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,566
this highly competitive relationship.
250
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,101
She a Virgo?
251
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:04,637
Continue.
252
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:07,273
We're constantly battling
over who's more famous,
253
00:10:07,341 --> 00:10:09,275
and, duh, it's always me.
254
00:10:09,343 --> 00:10:11,377
But last weekend, brit
almost broke instagram
255
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:12,678
when she got iced-out grills,
256
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,146
made out with Courtney love,
257
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:16,916
and stepped up her corn nut game
by posting those picante limons.
258
00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:21,153
Hold up. When did corn
nuts drop picante limons?
259
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:24,290
I was gonna go so hard
tonight to defend my crown,
260
00:10:24,358 --> 00:10:26,492
but now I'm stuck here with you.
261
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:27,727
Are you?
262
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,061
I'm pretty sure I am, yeah.
263
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,798
The Internet is all about illusions, girl.
264
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,066
You know that.
265
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,102
I do know that.
266
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:39,305
Charmonique, you look amazing!
267
00:10:39,373 --> 00:10:40,573
Thanks, Jeanette. You, too.
268
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,974
Did you hear about Joe Miner?
269
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,076
His wife left him, and he got hair plugs.
270
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,178
Okay. That's nice. Listen.
271
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,646
Hey. Hey. Bring it down.
272
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:49,582
Now, I don't mean no disrespect,
273
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,418
but I did not come here to talk
smack with you thirsty ratchets.
274
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:55,988
I came here for one
reason and one reason only.
275
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,556
- Charmonique?
- Mitchell.
276
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,359
- Hi, Mitchell.
- Hi, Mitchell.
277
00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:03,329
Jeanette, Chantaal,
please break the hell out.
278
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:07,566
I was afraid I'd never see you again.
279
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:10,169
I would never let that
happen. You have to know that
280
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:12,605
I've waited a long time for
this opportunity, Charmonique.
281
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,606
Me, too.
282
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,276
When I heard that you were a mother,
283
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:21,013
well, there were no words
to describe the way I felt.
284
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,615
But when I found out you weren't married
285
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,983
- or even with the father...
- Shh.
286
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:25,618
Mitchell, no, no. Wait.
287
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,753
Let's not do this here.
288
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:30,289
Let's get rid of our coats
and find a quiet place to talk.
289
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,191
Wonderful. That's a great idea.
290
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,964
Looks
like you, sir boysenberry,
291
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,434
shall reign until the first of the month.
292
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:45,504
Whereas your days, lord Key
Lime of Custard, are numbered.
293
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:46,806
You, there!
294
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,108
You sneaky Greek bastard.
295
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,343
Expired.
296
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,579
You'll hang for your crime!
297
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:58,484
I have
to get out of the house.
298
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:20,039
Po shut us down?
299
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,511
Eliza, you cannot have a child at...
300
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,813
this isn't a wild party.
301
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:30,983
Nope! But it 'grammed like one, right?
302
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,752
It really did. You two really
appeared to be having a blast.
303
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:36,689
Oh, we were... Until you got here.
304
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,124
Okay, deejay pre-k.
305
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,426
But it's almost midnight,
306
00:12:40,494 --> 00:12:42,394
and I'm guessing it's
way past your bedtime.
307
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:45,130
This one goes out to my man.
308
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,100
Oh, I get it.
309
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:50,636
You think 'cause I'm Korean
I automatically like k-pop.
310
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,492
I certainly
don't mean to lecture you.
311
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,461
But when you engage in immoral sex,
312
00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:17,563
it's not just an oops upside your head.
313
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,331
It's also an oops upside the head of
314
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,600
our lord and creator, Christ almighty.
315
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:22,902
Oh, Mitchell, come on.
316
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,870
You were on tour with Jodeci.
317
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:27,306
Which is why I had to repent...
318
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:28,941
specifically for providing the leatherwear
319
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,376
in their "Freek'n You" video.
320
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,511
When I think about all the
fornication I fostered...
321
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:36,081
I can't believe I
flat-ironed my MJB for this.
322
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,684
Excuse me, Mitchell. I
have to check in on my son.
323
00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:39,852
Uh, while you're at it,
324
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,754
could you also check in on the son of God?
325
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,422
He's been waiting to hear from you.
326
00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:46,926
I've never put
a child to bed before.
327
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,194
I'm sure it'll be fine.
328
00:13:50,564 --> 00:13:52,731
Good night, Kevin.
329
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,900
And to you.
330
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:57,336
I'm going to turn the light off now.
331
00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:58,938
I understand.
332
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,906
You do what you got to do.
333
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,841
Mm-hmm.
334
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:11,250
- What was that?
- I'm not sure.
335
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:12,885
Oh, my God, it sounded like Eddie Murphy.
336
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:15,588
Is that him? I-is he choking?
337
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,057
I want my mom!
338
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,024
He wants his mom! What are we gonna do?!
339
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:20,259
His mom's not here! E-e-eliza!
340
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,194
We got to remain calm and
be of comfort to Kevin.
341
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,797
The lights went out, and he's
like a totally different person.
342
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,599
Bedtime can be really stressful for kids.
343
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:29,635
Let's try and soothe him, shall we? Yeah.
344
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:33,739
Kevin, is there something soothing
345
00:14:33,807 --> 00:14:35,574
that your mother does for you at bedtime?
346
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:38,243
She fills my humidifier...
347
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:41,313
- Humidif...
- Puts on my air purifier,
348
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,982
turns off my closet light...
349
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:43,949
- You get the closet!
- Okay.
350
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,084
Turns on my bathroom light,
351
00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:46,819
- finds my stuffed lion...
- Here!
352
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:47,820
Okay, I got it! I got it!
353
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,755
- Gives him to me...
- Rawr!
354
00:14:49,823 --> 00:14:53,592
Takes away one pillow,
adds one extra blanket...
355
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,027
- Get the blanket!
- I got the blanket!
356
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,296
Sprays three pumps of lavender mist...
357
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:58,631
Lavender!
358
00:14:58,698 --> 00:14:59,865
Yeah.
359
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,700
Cracks the window and closes the door.
360
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:04,103
You get the door.
361
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:07,473
All right.
362
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,142
Then she sings "Ease on Down the Road"
363
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:11,143
from "The Wiz."
364
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:12,811
I never saw "The Wiz"!
365
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,517
There, there.
366
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,886
Don't... Make that noise.
367
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:23,489
As I watched Henry pat Kevin's afro,
368
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:26,125
I realized I wasn't going clubbing tonight.
369
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:30,913
Come on, Kevin.
370
00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:34,228
No super-cool deejays
cry for their mommies!
371
00:15:38,282 --> 00:15:39,583
Hello.
372
00:15:39,650 --> 00:15:41,084
Eliza, is everything okay?
373
00:15:41,152 --> 00:15:44,187
- Everything's great.
- Uh-oh, I hear Eddie Murphy.
374
00:15:44,255 --> 00:15:46,656
Kevin is just a little anxious.
Maybe about going to bed.
375
00:15:46,724 --> 00:15:48,258
Well, did you give him his bedtime nuggets?
376
00:15:48,326 --> 00:15:49,526
- His what?
- His bedtime nuggets.
377
00:15:49,594 --> 00:15:51,595
I told you... he needs
two or three of those
378
00:15:51,662 --> 00:15:52,996
before he can go to sleep.
379
00:15:53,064 --> 00:15:54,898
His bedtime nuggets, of
course. I completely forgot.
380
00:15:54,966 --> 00:15:57,033
Hey, Kevin, would you
like some bedtime nuggets?
381
00:15:57,101 --> 00:15:59,469
- You know what?
- I would.
382
00:15:59,537 --> 00:16:01,404
Oh! Oh!
383
00:16:01,472 --> 00:16:02,706
Thanks, Charmonique.
384
00:16:02,774 --> 00:16:04,841
Somehow, you called at the exact right time
385
00:16:04,909 --> 00:16:06,676
and knew exactly what to do.
386
00:16:06,744 --> 00:16:08,078
You're the best mom ever.
387
00:16:09,781 --> 00:16:13,083
You know what? I am. Hmm.
388
00:16:13,151 --> 00:16:15,318
- Everything good?
- Everything's great.
389
00:16:15,386 --> 00:16:17,020
You know, I don't know if
390
00:16:17,088 --> 00:16:20,123
you were trying to make me
feel bad about my life choices.
391
00:16:20,191 --> 00:16:22,692
But I'm sorry, Father Mcmoney... I don't.
392
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,929
And I'm glad that you found higher love.
393
00:16:28,466 --> 00:16:33,270
But I have self-love,
and that's real love.
394
00:16:33,337 --> 00:16:35,539
So now if you'll excuse me,
395
00:16:35,606 --> 00:16:37,007
they're playing my jam.
396
00:16:38,876 --> 00:16:41,244
Sometimes, when
the grind window closes,
397
00:16:41,312 --> 00:16:43,513
the door to enlightenment opens.
398
00:16:54,892 --> 00:16:57,060
Eliza?
399
00:16:57,128 --> 00:16:58,695
Yes, Kevin?
400
00:16:58,763 --> 00:17:00,697
Did we get a like spike?
401
00:17:00,765 --> 00:17:03,066
We sure did, buddy. We sure did.
402
00:17:05,570 --> 00:17:06,469
You did?
403
00:17:06,537 --> 00:17:08,238
Absolutely not.
404
00:17:08,306 --> 00:17:09,506
I actually lost followers
405
00:17:09,574 --> 00:17:11,074
by posting those pics of Kevin.
406
00:17:11,142 --> 00:17:12,042
Brit crushed me.
407
00:17:12,109 --> 00:17:13,677
What up, doolio?
408
00:17:13,744 --> 00:17:15,612
It's your girl fit Brit.
409
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,883
Check your stats, hon,
'cause I just smoked your ass.
410
00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:21,318
Well, I'm really proud of you.
411
00:17:21,385 --> 00:17:22,886
You did a really good job tonight.
412
00:17:22,954 --> 00:17:25,655
Brit may have killed the instagame,
413
00:17:25,723 --> 00:17:28,391
but I had earned Henry's respect
414
00:17:28,459 --> 00:17:30,527
and kept a small child alive.
415
00:17:33,998 --> 00:17:35,065
Damn.
416
00:17:35,132 --> 00:17:36,600
Is there anything in the world kids love
417
00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:38,201
more than chicken nuggets?
418
00:17:38,269 --> 00:17:39,236
Maybe not.
419
00:17:39,303 --> 00:17:42,772
Hey. Maybe not.
420
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:47,377
Vita-nuggets...
421
00:17:47,445 --> 00:17:50,013
chicken nuggets with
vitamin-infused breading.
422
00:17:50,081 --> 00:17:52,215
It's their dinner and their
daily allowance, all in one!
423
00:17:52,283 --> 00:17:53,750
Look how excited you are.
424
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:57,721
With vita-nuggets,
425
00:17:57,788 --> 00:18:00,991
we move from the pharmacy
to the frozen-foods aisle.
426
00:18:01,058 --> 00:18:03,326
What happens if they want seconds?
427
00:18:03,394 --> 00:18:05,061
Which got us thinking.
428
00:18:05,129 --> 00:18:06,830
With vitamins disguising themselves as
429
00:18:06,898 --> 00:18:09,599
gum balls and sour worms and Teddy bears
430
00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:11,701
and even, in theory, chicken nuggets,
431
00:18:11,769 --> 00:18:14,671
how many calls must poison
control receive annually
432
00:18:14,739 --> 00:18:19,042
from parents whose children
have unintentionally overdosed?
433
00:18:19,110 --> 00:18:20,710
The answer is...
434
00:18:20,778 --> 00:18:22,412
An ass-load.
435
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:23,847
Eliza, the data, please.
436
00:18:23,915 --> 00:18:25,148
"Eliza, the data, please."
437
00:18:25,216 --> 00:18:29,119
Um an
estimated 50,000 calls a year...
438
00:18:29,186 --> 00:18:30,921
so two ass-loads.
439
00:18:30,988 --> 00:18:33,556
Wow. Two ass-loads.
440
00:18:33,624 --> 00:18:36,660
Sir, there are people in this
room who will tell you that
441
00:18:36,727 --> 00:18:40,096
our vitamin needs to be
cooler, hipper, gummier,
442
00:18:40,164 --> 00:18:42,299
that it needs to pretend
to be something it is not.
443
00:18:42,366 --> 00:18:45,468
Like Jessica Simpson
when she dated John Mayer.
444
00:18:45,536 --> 00:18:46,603
Who did she think she was kidding?
445
00:18:46,671 --> 00:18:47,837
I know, right?
446
00:18:47,905 --> 00:18:50,140
But I maintain,
447
00:18:50,207 --> 00:18:52,042
for this vitamin to be a success,
448
00:18:52,109 --> 00:18:56,913
all it needs to do is
keep being a vitamin...
449
00:18:59,283 --> 00:19:03,653
with a pleasant but not
delicious orangey taste.
450
00:19:03,721 --> 00:19:06,923
Mm. No one's eating a
bottle of these bad boys.
451
00:19:08,025 --> 00:19:10,827
That's what makes them safe.
452
00:19:10,895 --> 00:19:12,696
That's what we tell parents
453
00:19:12,763 --> 00:19:16,533
because what parent doesn't
want their child to be safe?
454
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:20,470
So we take down our competitors
by exposing a strength
455
00:19:20,538 --> 00:19:21,871
which is actually a weakness?
456
00:19:21,939 --> 00:19:23,173
Yes.
457
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,809
It's nothing short of brilliant!
458
00:19:25,876 --> 00:19:27,877
Oh! How about that?!
459
00:19:27,945 --> 00:19:30,513
Our elephant shall ride again!
460
00:19:30,581 --> 00:19:31,681
Come here, you.
461
00:19:31,749 --> 00:19:33,483
Oh, o-okay.
462
00:19:34,752 --> 00:19:35,986
I could dip you.
463
00:19:36,053 --> 00:19:37,287
Oh! Actually, sir, it
was Eliza's revelation.
464
00:19:37,355 --> 00:19:38,355
Eliza.
465
00:19:40,157 --> 00:19:42,425
Aah!
466
00:19:42,493 --> 00:19:43,827
That's magnificent work.
467
00:19:43,894 --> 00:19:45,328
- Thank you.
- No, thank you.
468
00:19:48,132 --> 00:19:50,400
You two really are quite the power couple.
469
00:19:50,468 --> 00:19:51,568
Oh, no, sir. We're just...
470
00:19:51,635 --> 00:19:53,603
Perfect together. You really are.
471
00:19:53,671 --> 00:19:56,139
I mean, can you imagine
how exquisite the offspring?
472
00:19:56,207 --> 00:19:58,641
Oh, I imagine they'd be quite ugly, sir.
473
00:19:58,709 --> 00:20:01,378
Red-headed Koreans...
it's not a good look.
474
00:20:04,658 --> 00:20:06,063
Typically.
475
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:10,783
Okay, so, what is "everyone
Wang Chung tonight" about?
476
00:20:10,822 --> 00:20:12,755
That I don't know, but I can tell you
477
00:20:12,780 --> 00:20:15,454
that "Sussudio" is the
name of Phil Collins' horse
478
00:20:15,479 --> 00:20:17,575
and that "Yah Mo B There"
is actually an allegory.
479
00:20:17,613 --> 00:20:20,161
Okay. What is "Private Dancer" about?
480
00:20:20,199 --> 00:20:21,793
I think that one's
pretty self-explanatory.
481
00:20:21,832 --> 00:20:23,476
Oh, Henry, can I talk to you for a sec?
482
00:20:23,526 --> 00:20:24,894
- What's up?
- Well...
483
00:20:24,907 --> 00:20:27,116
Well, you know how I did exactly
what you instructed me to do,
484
00:20:27,141 --> 00:20:29,501
and I spent the whole weekend
helping others, including you?
485
00:20:29,526 --> 00:20:30,932
- Yes.
- And you know how you were supposed
486
00:20:30,952 --> 00:20:33,286
to have fun and not work, but you did
the opposite, so you lose and I win?
487
00:20:33,312 --> 00:20:34,052
Okay.
488
00:20:34,077 --> 00:20:35,935
I was thinking that maybe I
should get some kind of reward.
489
00:20:35,948 --> 00:20:37,642
Reward? What did you have in mind?
490
00:20:38,069 --> 00:20:39,462
$60,000.
491
00:20:39,475 --> 00:20:42,324
I accidentally left
Charmonique's wig closet open.
492
00:20:42,779 --> 00:20:44,473
I have bad news for you, eliza.
493
00:20:44,498 --> 00:20:46,231
I actually had fun this weekend.
494
00:20:46,256 --> 00:20:48,390
- You did not!
- I had a freaking blast.
495
00:20:48,427 --> 00:20:50,097
No! No! You're a liar!
496
00:20:50,134 --> 00:20:52,005
Fine, then just $30,000,
497
00:20:52,026 --> 00:20:53,796
made out to Charmonique!
498
00:20:53,834 --> 00:20:55,026
Henry!
499
00:20:56,470 --> 00:21:00,964
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500
00:21:01,014 --> 00:21:05,564
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