All language subtitles for Spin City - 2x14 - The Paul Lassiter Story.DVDRip.PROPER.NODLABS.en

Are the teamsters gonna settle
this with the film commission?

It's hard to say, Mike. I don't think
they take us seriously as mediators.

That's ridiculous.
We represent the mayor.

We should always
be taken seriously.

Go!

Yes! We got 'em!
We got 'em!

Whoaaaaaaaa!

We're gonna take you!

Janelle!

Bear right, bear right!
Bear right!

We're gonna win,
we're gonna win!

Oh, Mike.
Yes, sir!

Aaaggggghhhhh!

am I interrupting something?

Oh, no.
Just business, sir.

Owwwwwwww!

It hurts!

On a plus note, I think we
should all applaud James

for his plan
to distribute pamphlets

to homeless people,
letting them know

the locations of shelters

during these
cold winter months.

Thanks, Mike.

On a minus note, James,

your plan to mail

the pamphlets
to the homeless...

Seems to have some flaws.

I can't believe
the mayor's book

is still on
the best-seller list.

Were you reading during
the entire morning meeting,

or just this last part?

Huh?

The publishers have signed
the mayor to write another one.

I know. I convinced him to skip
the ghostwriter this time-

just write it himself.

What?

The mayor doesn't write.
Ever?

For speeches we have James, for
correspondence we have janelle,

and for his signature we have
a really cool rubber stamp.

So that personal note I got

from him on my birthday...

Mike, maybe we should let
the mayor try to write it.

The last thing the mayor
wrote by himself

was his mother's eulogy.

His mother's rhyming eulogy.

Funerals are a great place
to meet women.

I mean, if a guy dies,
you know there's gotta be

at least one single chick there.

Excuse me.
Uh, did someone here destroy a chair

on city hall premises
this morning?

Is whoever did it gonna
get in trouble?

Uh-huh.

Well, I'm not gonna
turn Paul in.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
First of all,

those chairs
are clearly defective.

The minute they hit 20 miles
an hour, the wheels fly off.

Uh-huh.

Nice humidor, sir.

I got it at an auction.

Belonged to Kennedy.

Very pricey.

I'm sure it was worth it.

I mean, after all, it is a...
wooden box.

So how goes the book, sir?

Oh, wonderful. I'll tell you
one thing about writing, Mike.

I can't do it.

It's no problem, sir.

You give them back
the money from the advance.

I can't.

Why not?

You did see the humidor.

Maybe I should just
call up the publishers

and ask them what they want.

I wouldn't do that, sir.

Mike? He's here.

Listen, I have kind of
a pressing appointment,

but I thought you might
run into a roadblock,

so I asked someone to drop by.

Hello, sir.
Mike.

Randall.

Donald!

Mr. Trump here wrote
the art of the deal,

he wrote a new best seller,
the art of the comeback.

2 books. Wow!

Well, sit down.

Well, that must
have been-

...tough coming up
with that much material.

No.

It must have been hard
getting started.

First day, 9 chapters.

9 chapters.

You should call your next book
the art of not helping.

So, doc. You married?

No, I haven't met
the right girl yet.

Bit of advice?
When you do,

you might wanna go
with a lighter touch.

So...

Is there anything else
besides trouble urinating?

Amazingly, I've been
able to panic

with just the one symptom.

Having trouble urinating

should always send up
a red flag.

Do you have to, uh,
do you have to say

"trouble urinating"
in front of...

Samantha.

Samantha. Thank you.

Couldn't you
mask that a little?

Couldn't you, you know,

say "trouble drawing water
from the well"?

If you wanna get technical,
"trouble making wee wee"?

Now, look. Just because we're
talking about your prostate,

I don't want you to
immediately assume the worst.

Hey, listen, I love talking
about my prostate.

It's a real icebreaker
at parties.

Mr. Flaherty...

Doc, I have
to assume the worst.

It's the kind of guy I am.

Fine. Cancer
is a possibility.

Wow. O.k., uh...

Wow. I can't believe
I could have...

I know this must be
really difficult for you.

I know it's hard
to even say the word.

No, I can say cancer.
That's my sign.

I just can't have cancer.

I'll know a lot more when I get the p.
S. a. Tests back tomorrow.

Just leave us a urine sample
before you go.

Oh, I always do,

whether you ask for one or not.

Paul, is Mike back yet?

No, no, no, he's not, sir.

Listen, sir. If you need any help
with your literary undertaking,

I'd be more than happy
to lend my services.

Well, thank you, Paul.

Maybe I'll have you xerox
some stuff for me.

Ha ha ha. That's very funny.
But seriously, sir.

I just wanted to let you know

that I really loved
your last book,

even though I was the only one of
your staff who wasn't mentioned.

Weren't you in the picture
from the Christmas party?

No, I was the unidentified man

standing next to the mayor's
chauffeur, Klaus spergan.

Klaus, now he had
some good stories.

Oh, come on,
mr. Mayor, please!

Use me.
I'm sure that my stories

are every bit as interesting
and exciting as his.

You know, Klaus used to
be Jimmy hoffa's driver.

I'm gonna get some water.

Remember that guy mark
from Alaska?

He said, "I will
call you tomorrow. "

That was like a month ago.

Sometimes in Alaska
the sun never sets,

and so his tomorrow...

Could be your February.

Mike, Mike, we have a problem.

The printer we wanted
for the superintendent's banquet

won't go down on his price.

Maybe you should worry
less about money

and more about
what's truly important,

like love, family.

The beauty in nature.

Mike, I set up the interview
for you and the mayor tomorrow.

Oh, and he wants to see you
the second you get back.

Second I get back.

Well, Stacy,
you know that second?

That second's already gone.

and another one.

That was 2.

Hello.

Hello.

"For assistance
ring Bell. "

Yes, can I help you?

We're here about the chair.

Unfortunately,
you've chosen to requisition

one of the most elusive items
in my inventory.

ah, that's Benjamin.

he's my gigapet.

That's one of
those little toys.

Oh, it's no toy.

His needs are every bit
as real as yours or mine.

He has to eat, sleep, play,
and be disciplined.

oh, yes, you do.

Didn't I flush your head
in High school?

That's very funny.

Maybe you can think
of more funny things

while you're standing
next to your desk.

This guy's good.

Stacy, is Mike in there?

And if so, why isn't he
in my office?

Well, Mike told me that if
he wasn't in his office,

he'd be in your office.

Oh.

Where do I go?

Aaaaggggghhhhh!

We're in the middle
of a crisis here!

Yeah, o. k., well, then lock the
door and turn out the lights.

I called my publisher.

I told you not to do that, sir.

Well, I needed a little
direction, and they panicked!

They wanna see
some pages tomorrow.

Did they specify whether the pages
had to have any writing on them?

Come on, Mike.
How're you gonna fix this for me?

With all due respect, sir,
you made your bed.

You gotta lie in it.

Look, Mike, I'm telling
you that I need you,

and I don't think
I'm out of line

to expect your help here.

Maybe it's not fair, but
that's why you're here.

You're my deputy.
Now come on, let's make a night of it.

It'll be fun.

You don't need a jacket.
My office is warm enough.

Good night, mr. Mayor.

Mike!

Guess it's just you
and me tonight, sir.

Morning, janelle.
I said I'd drop by early

and help the mayor
with his book.

Actually, Mike, he's asleep.

Come on, janelle.
We're hours away

from the mayor's nap time.

I'm not kidding, Mike.
He was up all night worrying about his book.

Did he write anything?

"Tell Mike I'm asleep
because I was up all night

worrying
about the book. "

Do I hear movie rights?

Thanks, janelle.

Did he look like
he felt guilty?

I don't know.

Well, did you tell him
I was up all night worrying?

I told him. Listen, mr. Mayor,
I don't like lying for you.

I know, janelle, and I don't
like you having to lie for me.

I am so sorry.

It's o. k., sir.

Good.

Oh, cancel my dinner
for tonight.

I don't care what excuse you use.
Make something up.

We still haven't gotten
any chairs?

We are splitting this one.

So come on, ladies.
Out with it.

Whose butt takes up more space?

It's like a chess game.

You have to learn
to think ahead.

hey, Mike. Can you believe
the size of this thing?

It there's anybody
in the stalls,

he's talking about
his toothbrush.

You know, it's a funny thing.

The mayor and I were once
at this fund raiser.

And you think it would be
perfect for the mayor's book.

Oh, Mike, would it hurt so much
for him to put me in?

One funny anecdote,
one mention of me,

and the whole world'll want
to read about my life.

I already got
a title for it-

the Paul lassiter story.

Why don't you just save
yourself some time

and call it
the 99 cent bin?

Listen, I'll talk to the
mayor later, and I'll, uh...

I'll put in a good word.

Paul, what are you looking at?

What, you got stage fright
or something?

I'm sorry. Were you
expecting a show?

I was expecting tinkling,
and I got curious.

Look, sometimes
I- I just

have a little trouble
getting started, all right?

Gee, that sounds serious.

All right, Paul.
If you don't stop staring,

I'm gonna hit you
over the head with it.

What, that's it?

You're just gonna
give up like that?

What are you, knute rockne?

I don't need
a pep talk here, o. k.?

Mike, you should see someone!

I already did!

I'm waiting to hear.

If you breathe a word
to anybody-

no one, no one, no one.
I'm just glad that you were able

to respect me enough
to share it with me.

No problem, Buddy.

hi. I'm Nikki.

Be sexy.

I'm being sexy.

That works for you?

Watch and learn.

So what you doing, Walter?

Smelling the markers.

It's the only way to tell
if they're truly fresh.

Forget about the markers.

I...

I've met a lot
of men in my day,

but none of them,
none of them haunt me

the way you do.

How about giving
a nice girl a chance?

And a chair?

N- I, darling.

Not interested.

Well, that was educational.

Clearly we are not
what he is looking for.

Hi, there.

Is this about the chair?

This is about you and me.

It is?

Walter, I was hoping maybe
you and I could, uh...

You know, perhaps
we might, uh...

if you'll excuse me,

I just hit a new low, and I really
need to go examine my life.

Mike, aren't you supposed to be
at that interview with the mayor?

No, that hasn't started yet.
The mayor's asleep.

No, he's not.
He just went into his office.

No, that can't be.
He's napping.

He was up all night.
He was working on his book.

Last night? No, he left
5 minutes after you did.

Stacy, do you mind?
'Cause I'm getting a little Dizzy here.

Besides, maybe-maybe you
only thought he left, hmm?

Maybe.

But I doubt it, 'cause
he gave me a ride home.

And it cost me a fortune, too.

Oh, you must be Mike.

I'm Betty simms
for the new York examiner.

Just a second, Betty.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I would have come sooner,
but I didn't want

to interrupt your nap.

That is, if you did take a nap.

Oh, I took one.

So what's this piece about?

We're doing a feature

on the great power teams
in new York.

I was just telling Betty

how we complement
each other's strengths.

Oh, you mean how one of us
is candid and forthcoming

and the other is squirrelly
and passive-aggressive?

How does this work day to day?

Well, as the mayor, I
sometimes look to my deputy

to assist me in some
trivial matter.

That doesn't sound
unreasonable, does it, Betty?!

No. No, not at all.

Why'd you decide to go
into politics, mr. Mayor?

That's actually a good story.

I should put that in my book.

Yeah, that'll happen.

Mr. Mayor, I can imagine
you're under a lot of pressure

what with the enormous
responsibility of running the city.

I'm sorry. Did you
say something, Mike?

Oh, no, not me, partner.

Didn't think so, teammate.

Oh, picture.

Do you believe this guy?

No. He has absolutely
crossed the line.

Who are we talking about?

The mayor. He's mad at me

for not helping him
with his book.

What the hell business
does this guy have

writing an autobiography,
anyway?

I mean, that's something you do
at the end of your life.

He's too young for that.

He shouldn't be looking back,
taking stock, doubting choices.

I mean, he should be
looking ahead, damn it.

He's sitting around wondering
what the last chapter

of his life is gonna be.

The mayor is at the age
when he should be thinking

about settling down,
raising a family.

50?

Well, that's good news
for Nikki.

Mike, I, uh... I minored
in psychology.

It's pretty clear you're not
talking about the mayor.

You're talking about yourself.

I am not.

Plus Paul told us.

It was burning
a hole in me, Mike.

Well, Paul, a whole 8 minutes.

That's a new record for you.

Not really.
It only took him 4 minutes

to tell us that Carter
was an extra

in the buns of steel video.

Come on, Mike. Talk.

Well, I've been thinking
about it a lot.

I think it's a good thing.

This is the most self-aware
I've been in years.

It's a wake-up call

to how I've been
living my life.

It's the best thing
that ever happened to me.

You're lying.

I know. I'm so scared,

I want to wet myself...

But I can't.

why don't you fire her up,

take her for a spin,
see how she feels?

I just wanted to see the
world the way you do, sir.

And?

And I like it.

Now get out.

You know, I'm afraid
that reporter's

not gonna write a very
flattering piece about us, Mike.

Yeah, we did get to a pretty
petty place this afternoon.

No, I called her up later,

and I said some more
nasty things about you.

I know. I was actually on hold
while you were talking.

Well, that's all old news.

We're o. k. Now, aren't we, sir?

Mike, why wouldn't you tell me

what you were going through?

How'd you hear?

Well, I wouldn't wanna
betray Paul's confidence.

I just talked
to the doctor-

benign.

Just your regular
garden-variety prostatitis.

He said it was probably
brought on by stress.

Stress. From what?

I don't know, sir.

I'm thinking maybe
it's my home life.

Well, I can't tell you
how relieved I am.

So how are you gonna celebrate?

I figured I'd go out, get a 6-pack,
drink it, and pee like a racehorse.

Yeah. It's-it's always

about me first, isn't it, Mike?

I mean, your life,
your problems-

they just never
seem to come up.

Well, I don't want it that way.

This is
a two-way street.

I insist upon it.

It's a deal, sir.

Now, about my book.

Yeah, go ahead.

Walter, you know we're still
waiting for those 2 chairs.

I'm afraid that subject
is as closed

as a number 4 binder clip.

A little supply humor for you.

oh, no. Benjamin!

What have you done with him?

I hate to see anything suffer.

And little Ben...

he won't stop crying...

Unless... tell him, Stuart.

Unless I shake him!

No, no, that's-
I'll get the chairs.

Uh-oh.

Can you give these
little fellas c. p. r.?

Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.

moo.