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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,234 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:01:10,267 --> 00:01:13,267 It's okay, I guess. 3 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:14,934 Why am I being modest? 4 00:01:14,968 --> 00:01:16,267 I'm alone. 5 00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:18,200 It's perfect. 6 00:01:21,234 --> 00:01:22,767 Metropolitan Museum. 7 00:01:22,801 --> 00:01:24,267 I bet you're wondering 8 00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:26,901 how you got a cab so fast in this rain. 9 00:01:26,934 --> 00:01:29,000 Well, it's because I've been sitting here admiring 10 00:01:29,033 --> 00:01:30,367 this window display. 11 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,100 You see, I work here part-time at this art gallery. 12 00:01:33,133 --> 00:01:33,901 Uh, excuse me, if you don't mind, 13 00:01:33,934 --> 00:01:34,834 I really don't feel much like talking. 14 00:01:34,868 --> 00:01:37,000 Just take me to the Metropolitan, okay? 15 00:01:37,033 --> 00:01:38,801 Oh, I wasn't talking, I was just... 16 00:01:38,834 --> 00:01:40,133 Hey! 17 00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:42,267 I don't know how to make it any clearer than that. 18 00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:43,801 Please take me to the Metropolitan. 19 00:01:43,834 --> 00:01:47,367 Okay. You charmed me into it. 20 00:01:50,634 --> 00:01:52,067 Where you going? 21 00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:54,300 You said the Metropolitan Museum. 22 00:01:54,334 --> 00:01:56,901 I meant the one in New York. Why didn't you stay on Madison? 23 00:01:56,934 --> 00:01:59,501 It's shorter this way. You said you were in a hurry. 24 00:01:59,534 --> 00:02:03,334 You are taking a longer route than you need to. 25 00:02:03,367 --> 00:02:04,667 It's not any longer. You know, wait a minute. 26 00:02:04,701 --> 00:02:07,634 Are you accusing me of jacking up the fare? 27 00:02:07,667 --> 00:02:09,033 No. I'm accusing you of trying. 28 00:02:09,067 --> 00:02:10,501 Unfortunately, I caught you. 29 00:02:10,534 --> 00:02:12,534 Hey, look, Mister. I swear I'm not trying to cheat you. 30 00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:14,767 Now if you want, I can take you back where I picked you up, 31 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,801 and we can start over and I'll take a different route. 32 00:02:16,834 --> 00:02:19,968 Thanks, but I've seen Jersey. 33 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,133 Okay, out of the cab. 34 00:02:24,167 --> 00:02:26,067 It's pouring rain out there. 35 00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:29,834 The law says you have to take me wherever I want to go. 36 00:02:29,868 --> 00:02:32,968 There's no way you can make me leave this cab. 37 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:37,934 Rape... rape... rape! 38 00:02:37,968 --> 00:02:40,601 You may have a little trouble getting that story to stick 39 00:02:40,634 --> 00:02:41,767 when the police find out 40 00:02:41,801 --> 00:02:44,434 I'm the National Secretary for the Gay Liberation Force. 41 00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:52,200 We'll be there in a few minutes. 42 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,868 Next time be a little more careful 43 00:03:04,901 --> 00:03:06,234 who you try and rip off. 44 00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:09,033 Look, Mister, I realize we've had our differences 45 00:03:09,067 --> 00:03:10,767 but you owe me $2.85. 46 00:03:10,801 --> 00:03:14,467 Here's a dollar. I'm not paying for the scenic route. 47 00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:16,434 Hey, wait a minute, Mister! 48 00:03:16,467 --> 00:03:18,968 Mister, you forgot your briefcase. 49 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,534 Oh. 50 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,834 Hey, come back here! 51 00:03:26,334 --> 00:03:28,701 He's faster than he looks. 52 00:03:34,767 --> 00:03:36,367 Come on, come on. 53 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:37,968 Jacks or better. 54 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,567 All right, give me something good. 55 00:03:40,601 --> 00:03:43,133 Not if I can help it. 56 00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:45,267 Oh, sweet heaven. 57 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:48,767 Did I tip my hand again? 58 00:03:48,801 --> 00:03:50,868 Only to the trained eye. 59 00:03:50,901 --> 00:03:52,901 Why do I do that all the time? 60 00:03:52,934 --> 00:03:54,067 Hi, guys. 61 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,067 Hey, Elaine. What do you say? 62 00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:57,067 I'm not sure. 63 00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,234 I just had a really bad fare today. 64 00:03:59,267 --> 00:04:02,067 Hey, Bobby, she thinks she had a bad fare. 65 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:03,434 What happened? 66 00:04:03,467 --> 00:04:07,000 I had the QANTAS koala bear get carsick in my cab. 67 00:04:07,033 --> 00:04:10,868 And you don't want to know what a koala bear does 68 00:04:10,901 --> 00:04:13,234 when he gets carsick. 69 00:04:13,267 --> 00:04:15,434 Hey, Alex, could I talk to you for a moment? 70 00:04:15,467 --> 00:04:16,634 Huh? Yeah, sure. 71 00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:17,634 Deal me out. 72 00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:19,367 I'll sit in for you. 73 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:20,701 What's wrong? 74 00:04:20,734 --> 00:04:22,367 I feel really strange. 75 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,701 Why? What is it? 76 00:04:23,734 --> 00:04:26,501 Well, you know that art gallery where I work part-time? 77 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:30,067 And where they treat me like I was some sort of receptionist? 78 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:33,467 Yeah. You mean the place where you work as a receptionist. 79 00:04:33,501 --> 00:04:35,534 Yeah. Well, they let me design 80 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,634 their new window display for their new exhibit 81 00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:40,801 and everybody loved what I did. 82 00:04:40,834 --> 00:04:43,868 Now, it's just staring out on Madison Avenue. 83 00:04:43,901 --> 00:04:46,167 People are even congratulating me. 84 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,501 No wonder you're down. 85 00:04:47,534 --> 00:04:49,634 You realized your lifelong ambition. 86 00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:53,634 I know, but it just doesn't seem like my life, you know. 87 00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:56,234 Things like this never happen to me. 88 00:04:56,267 --> 00:04:59,267 That's why I got a little crazy and I pushed. 89 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:02,667 I invited them all to a party, and they accepted. 90 00:05:02,701 --> 00:05:04,467 Oh, hey, sounds like you're on a roll. 91 00:05:04,501 --> 00:05:06,300 Let me know how it turns out. 92 00:05:06,334 --> 00:05:09,200 I was kind of hoping that maybe you'd come. 93 00:05:09,234 --> 00:05:11,334 See, I'd really like to have one person there 94 00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:13,033 that I don't care about impressing. 95 00:05:14,501 --> 00:05:18,000 How can I turn down an invitation like that? 96 00:05:18,033 --> 00:05:21,133 Yeah, and one more thing-- when you're at the party 97 00:05:21,167 --> 00:05:25,100 can you remember that nobody knows that I'm a cab driver? 98 00:05:25,133 --> 00:05:27,067 See, if they knew I drove a cab at night 99 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:29,033 they'd find it a little unusual. 100 00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:31,767 I can't afford to be unusual yet. 101 00:05:31,801 --> 00:05:34,200 So you actually lie about your job? 102 00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:37,167 I don't lie. I fudge. 103 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,601 I'm kind of hoping that maybe you won't tell them 104 00:05:39,634 --> 00:05:41,200 that you're a cab driver, either. 105 00:05:41,234 --> 00:05:42,801 Oh, no. I won't do that, Elaine. 106 00:05:42,834 --> 00:05:43,801 Oh, come on... 107 00:05:43,834 --> 00:05:44,801 Nope! 108 00:05:44,834 --> 00:05:46,133 It's one little thing. 109 00:05:46,167 --> 00:05:48,200 No, it's not just one little thing. 110 00:05:48,234 --> 00:05:51,000 Hey, sure it is. Ask anybody. 111 00:05:51,033 --> 00:05:52,234 Hey, guys, can you believe him? 112 00:05:52,267 --> 00:05:53,667 He won't tell one little lie for me. 113 00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:56,734 The only guy I know that never told a lie was my dad. 114 00:05:56,767 --> 00:05:58,033 Come on. Never? 115 00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,634 Nope. He once told me 116 00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:02,434 "John, remember your father's words. 117 00:06:02,467 --> 00:06:06,567 "The liar's punishment is not that he is not believed 118 00:06:06,601 --> 00:06:09,701 but that he cannot believe anyone else." 119 00:06:09,734 --> 00:06:13,868 John, George Bernard Shaw said that. 120 00:06:13,901 --> 00:06:15,467 He did? 121 00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:17,501 Your father was George Bernard Shaw? 122 00:06:17,534 --> 00:06:18,834 Alex, Can we talk 123 00:06:18,868 --> 00:06:20,000 about this? 124 00:06:20,033 --> 00:06:22,167 What do you want him to lie about? 125 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,367 Maybe I can do it for you. 126 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,100 I'm throwing a party Friday night. 127 00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:27,901 Hey, it's a little short notice, but I can make it. 128 00:06:27,934 --> 00:06:29,567 Why are you having a party on Friday night? 129 00:06:29,601 --> 00:06:31,234 We're all going to miss a lot of business. 130 00:06:31,267 --> 00:06:32,801 Well, actually guys, this is a party I'm throwing 131 00:06:32,834 --> 00:06:35,200 for the people at my art gallery. 132 00:06:35,234 --> 00:06:36,868 Who cares, the more, the merrier. Right? 133 00:06:36,901 --> 00:06:38,667 They don't understand. 134 00:06:38,701 --> 00:06:40,033 Oh, I get it. 135 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,267 We're not invited. 136 00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:45,701 How come we can't go to the party too? 137 00:06:45,734 --> 00:06:47,167 'Cause we're nobodies. 138 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,601 We're stupid, ignorant, low-life cabbies. 139 00:06:50,634 --> 00:06:52,667 Oh. 140 00:06:52,701 --> 00:06:54,667 What do you think, Latka? 141 00:06:54,701 --> 00:06:58,400 ( speaking native tongue ) 142 00:06:58,434 --> 00:07:01,200 Latka, in English. 143 00:07:01,234 --> 00:07:05,868 If they don't come, I don't come. 144 00:07:05,901 --> 00:07:08,033 I'm sorry. They can't come. 145 00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:11,267 All right, then I come without them. 146 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,067 All right! All right! 147 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,234 You can come. 148 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,400 If it means that much to you. 149 00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:18,300 If it doesn't matter to you that you screw me up 150 00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:20,067 with my bosses or ruin the one chance I have 151 00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:22,234 to send my kids to a decent school 152 00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:24,701 then, by all means, just come to my party. 153 00:07:24,734 --> 00:07:26,634 What's the address? 154 00:07:26,667 --> 00:07:28,434 Hey, you come with me. 155 00:07:28,467 --> 00:07:29,968 I know where it is. 156 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,767 Thank you very much. 157 00:07:31,801 --> 00:07:33,400 Let's go get something to eat, 158 00:07:33,434 --> 00:07:35,300 and I'll tell you about my outfit. 159 00:07:35,334 --> 00:07:37,934 Hey, Elaine, hey, don't worry about us. 160 00:07:37,968 --> 00:07:40,868 Nobody's gonna know we're taxicab drivers. 161 00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:42,467 Come on. We'll cover it up. All right? 162 00:07:42,501 --> 00:07:43,467 Okay. 163 00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:44,834 All right. 164 00:07:44,868 --> 00:07:46,634 See you later, Alex. 165 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,167 Ahem! 166 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:49,400 You're in luck. 167 00:07:49,434 --> 00:07:52,000 Looks like you got a chance to nab Louie for your guest list. 168 00:07:52,033 --> 00:07:54,334 Yeah, I might give your party a tumble. 169 00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:56,167 Perhaps some of those art-world cuties 170 00:07:56,200 --> 00:08:00,767 might want me to pose for them au naturel. 171 00:08:00,801 --> 00:08:02,968 Louie, you're not invited. 172 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,033 What do you mean? 173 00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,567 I mean if you're even seen 174 00:08:05,601 --> 00:08:08,133 in the vicinity of my apartment Friday night 175 00:08:08,167 --> 00:08:09,801 I'll have you arrested. 176 00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:11,667 Oh, really not invited. 177 00:08:11,701 --> 00:08:14,100 Okay. Who needs you? 178 00:08:14,133 --> 00:08:17,801 Come on let's get this garage back to normal! 179 00:08:17,834 --> 00:08:21,267 Hey, Latka! You finish cleaning that cab yet? 180 00:08:23,934 --> 00:08:25,300 Phew! 181 00:08:25,334 --> 00:08:29,634 Who drive a sick koala bear? 182 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,601 ( doorbell ringing ) 183 00:08:37,634 --> 00:08:38,634 Alex? 184 00:08:38,667 --> 00:08:39,701 Yeah. 185 00:08:39,734 --> 00:08:40,868 ( Sighs ) 186 00:08:40,901 --> 00:08:42,167 Hi. 187 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,167 Hi. 188 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,167 Did I get the wrong night? 189 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,667 No, this is the night. 190 00:08:46,701 --> 00:08:48,634 Well, don't bother to introduce me. 191 00:08:48,667 --> 00:08:50,133 I'll just mingle. 192 00:08:50,167 --> 00:08:51,467 How are you? 193 00:08:51,501 --> 00:08:52,701 I played a little trick on you, Alex. Oh? 194 00:08:52,734 --> 00:08:55,467 I told you the wrong time so that you'd get here early. 195 00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:56,868 Great trick. Why? 196 00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,567 Well, see, you're doing me a favor. 197 00:08:58,601 --> 00:09:01,133 Now that you're here, no one has to go through 198 00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:03,167 the embarrassment of arriving first. 199 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,701 You know how uncomfortable that can be. 200 00:09:08,601 --> 00:09:10,334 I can only imagine. 201 00:09:10,367 --> 00:09:13,400 Besides, I'm a little insecure about this party 202 00:09:13,434 --> 00:09:14,767 and I wanted someone 203 00:09:14,801 --> 00:09:17,167 to tell me how nice the place looks. 204 00:09:20,634 --> 00:09:21,734 Well, you can start anytime. 205 00:09:21,767 --> 00:09:22,834 Oh, yes. 206 00:09:22,868 --> 00:09:24,000 It looks great. 207 00:09:24,033 --> 00:09:25,334 No, it really does. 208 00:09:25,367 --> 00:09:26,334 I like that. 209 00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:27,801 Oh, and I like that. 210 00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,667 And I really like this. 211 00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:31,067 Thanks. 212 00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:32,200 You know, this was hard. 213 00:09:32,234 --> 00:09:33,634 I had to borrow some furniture 214 00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:35,200 and move the kids' beds upstairs. 215 00:09:35,234 --> 00:09:38,133 I'm really knocking myself out for this party. 216 00:09:38,167 --> 00:09:39,901 But I think I'm going to be okay 217 00:09:39,934 --> 00:09:41,968 as long as my cheese puffs are a hit. 218 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,000 Oh... 219 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,067 Delicious. 220 00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,300 Take it from a puff man. 221 00:09:51,334 --> 00:09:55,300 So, is there anything I've overlooked? 222 00:09:55,334 --> 00:09:58,701 Oh, uh... persons. 223 00:09:58,734 --> 00:10:00,801 They're coming. Anything else? 224 00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:03,200 Something for persons to drink. 225 00:10:03,234 --> 00:10:04,801 That's a little bit of a problem. 226 00:10:04,834 --> 00:10:06,801 You see, I used a discount liquor store. 227 00:10:06,834 --> 00:10:09,367 I don't want anyone to see the labels. 228 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,200 They're kind of off-brands. 229 00:10:11,234 --> 00:10:12,133 Like what? 230 00:10:12,167 --> 00:10:15,133 Ever heard of Betty's vodka? 231 00:10:18,334 --> 00:10:20,067 Gentlemen never tell. 232 00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:21,934 Can I make a suggestion? 233 00:10:21,968 --> 00:10:24,300 Why don't you put the stuff in a punch bowl 234 00:10:24,334 --> 00:10:25,968 and add ginger ale and juices. 235 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,133 Oh, that's a great idea. 236 00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:28,033 There you go. 237 00:10:28,067 --> 00:10:31,801 You know, I never even thought about mixing. 238 00:10:31,834 --> 00:10:34,734 Oh... I just hope I got enough champagne. 239 00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:36,734 How much did you get? 240 00:10:36,767 --> 00:10:38,501 12 Cans. 241 00:10:38,534 --> 00:10:41,167 Canned champagne? 242 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,033 I guess for those macho gourmets 243 00:10:43,067 --> 00:10:46,067 who like to crush something after a sip. 244 00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,400 ( doorbell ringing ) 245 00:10:47,434 --> 00:10:49,434 Oh, Alex, this is it! 246 00:10:49,467 --> 00:10:52,000 Now, now, just relax. Relax. 247 00:10:52,033 --> 00:10:54,033 They're just people. 248 00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:06,033 There's always the exception to the rule. 249 00:11:06,067 --> 00:11:07,701 Party time for Latka? 250 00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:09,868 Not until you take off those overalls. 251 00:11:09,901 --> 00:11:12,100 Oh, this is good party. 252 00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:13,801 No! No! Latka! 253 00:11:13,834 --> 00:11:17,300 You've got to change into nicer clothes. 254 00:11:17,334 --> 00:11:19,634 Oh... 255 00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:21,968 ( speaking native tongue ) 256 00:11:22,033 --> 00:11:23,033 ...in truck... 257 00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:24,133 ( speaking native tongue ) 258 00:11:27,434 --> 00:11:29,467 You think it's all right 259 00:11:29,501 --> 00:11:31,167 to have him here? 260 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,734 Are you kidding? He's my pick for the life of the party. 261 00:11:33,767 --> 00:11:37,701 Oh, Alex, are you sure everything looks okay? 262 00:11:37,734 --> 00:11:39,634 Elaine, believe me. The apartment looks wonderful. 263 00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:40,968 Now will you just relax. 264 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,334 Okay. Okay. 265 00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:44,968 Hey, you know, you may not believe this, but I've really 266 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,734 calmed down a lot since you got here. 267 00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:48,534 Yeah, I can see that. 268 00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:52,634 Oh, um, but could I just ask you one more little favor? 269 00:11:52,667 --> 00:11:54,067 Yep. 270 00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:55,767 If you tell these people that you're a cab driver 271 00:11:55,801 --> 00:11:59,234 they'll ask how you know me, and you'll give everything away. 272 00:11:59,267 --> 00:12:03,434 Elaine, is that the real reason you got me over here early? Huh? 273 00:12:03,467 --> 00:12:04,901 Oh, come on. How could you do that? 274 00:12:04,934 --> 00:12:06,367 How could you do a thing like that? 275 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,100 Come on, Alex. This is a cocktail party. 276 00:12:08,133 --> 00:12:09,801 Oh, for crying out loud. 277 00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:11,100 Why do you have to come on 278 00:12:11,133 --> 00:12:13,167 so super-ethical anyway? 279 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,200 I am not ethical, Elaine. 280 00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,400 I am... chicken. 281 00:12:16,434 --> 00:12:17,834 I don't lie for the simple reason 282 00:12:17,868 --> 00:12:19,133 I am afraid of getting caught. 283 00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:20,601 There's nothing more embarrassing 284 00:12:20,634 --> 00:12:21,868 than getting caught in a lie. 285 00:12:21,901 --> 00:12:23,434 Besides, if you don't lie 286 00:12:23,467 --> 00:12:26,000 you don't have to try to remember what you said. 287 00:12:26,033 --> 00:12:27,601 Okay. Okay. 288 00:12:27,634 --> 00:12:30,734 If it happens, it happens. 289 00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:32,267 All right. All right. 290 00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:34,100 I'm not going to lie 291 00:12:34,133 --> 00:12:37,634 but I won't say anything if I'm not asked. Okay? 292 00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:39,200 Okay. Thanks. 293 00:12:39,234 --> 00:12:40,434 Mm-hmm. 294 00:12:40,467 --> 00:12:42,501 ( doorbell ringing ) 295 00:12:50,234 --> 00:12:52,400 Party overalls. 296 00:12:52,434 --> 00:12:53,601 Now you're talking. 297 00:12:53,634 --> 00:12:54,868 Neat. 298 00:12:54,901 --> 00:12:57,067 Latka learn 299 00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,200 party talk. 300 00:12:59,234 --> 00:13:00,701 Yeah. 301 00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:03,200 "What are you drinking? 302 00:13:03,234 --> 00:13:07,501 "Aren't there a lot of phonies here? 303 00:13:07,534 --> 00:13:12,033 "Let's go to my place. 304 00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:15,133 Was it good for you?" 305 00:13:17,868 --> 00:13:19,434 You've been teaching him. 306 00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:22,667 Not me. I was going to ask for a copy myself. 307 00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:46,734 Looks like your party's a hit, Elaine. 308 00:13:46,767 --> 00:13:48,400 Yeah, so far, so good. 309 00:13:48,434 --> 00:13:50,601 I'm a little worried about the guys. 310 00:13:50,634 --> 00:13:52,601 They don't seem to be mingling. 311 00:13:52,634 --> 00:13:54,534 Yeah, only with each other. 312 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,334 Hey, it's your turn, Tony. How did your parents meet? 313 00:13:57,367 --> 00:13:58,434 It was in Italy... 314 00:13:58,467 --> 00:14:00,000 Come on, you guys. 315 00:14:00,033 --> 00:14:02,334 I want you to meet some people. 316 00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:04,133 That's okay, we already have. 317 00:14:04,167 --> 00:14:07,133 Yeah, I think we're just going to shove off. 318 00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:08,367 Ah, why? 319 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,767 Because, we don't fit in. 320 00:14:09,801 --> 00:14:11,367 We're the kind of guys who like to have fun. 321 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,968 Thanks a lot, Elaine. 322 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,167 Bye-bye. 323 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,567 Take it easy, Alex. 324 00:14:15,601 --> 00:14:16,767 Great punch. 325 00:14:16,801 --> 00:14:18,000 Bye. 326 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:23,400 Stop envying them. 327 00:14:26,067 --> 00:14:27,734 Mrs. Hazeltine? 328 00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,367 Oh. Thank you, Elaine. 329 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:30,567 These are delicious. 330 00:14:30,601 --> 00:14:32,033 Thank you. 331 00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:33,567 I love your paintings. 332 00:14:33,601 --> 00:14:34,634 Really? 333 00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:36,501 But I don't recognize the artist. 334 00:14:36,534 --> 00:14:39,234 As a matter of fact, I live with the artist. 335 00:14:39,267 --> 00:14:40,300 You what? 336 00:14:40,334 --> 00:14:41,300 It's my daughter. 337 00:14:41,334 --> 00:14:42,334 Oh. 338 00:14:42,367 --> 00:14:43,534 Except the one 339 00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:44,934 of the bunny rabbit. 340 00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:47,133 That was done by my ex-husband. 341 00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:49,934 We've been talking about the new exhibit 342 00:14:49,968 --> 00:14:51,934 at the Museum of Modern Art. 343 00:14:51,968 --> 00:14:53,367 Have you seen it? 344 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:54,834 Oh, yes, I have. Twice. 345 00:14:54,868 --> 00:14:56,701 Did you like the Magritte drawings? 346 00:14:56,734 --> 00:14:57,767 Oh. Um... 347 00:14:57,801 --> 00:14:59,868 would you excuse me for a moment? 348 00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:02,067 There's something I've got to take care of. 349 00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,367 All right. 350 00:15:04,701 --> 00:15:07,534 Alex... one of the biggest art dealers in New York 351 00:15:07,567 --> 00:15:09,667 just asked my opinion of an exhibit. 352 00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:10,801 Oh, terrific. 353 00:15:10,834 --> 00:15:11,834 Give it. 354 00:15:11,868 --> 00:15:12,801 Oh. 355 00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:14,400 Thank you very much. 356 00:15:14,434 --> 00:15:15,834 Going to go now. 357 00:15:15,868 --> 00:15:18,367 Well, I'm glad you could come, Latka. 358 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:19,567 Bye-bye. 359 00:15:19,601 --> 00:15:20,767 Bye. 360 00:15:20,801 --> 00:15:24,167 Eh, aren't there a lot of phonies here? 361 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,601 Let's go to my place. 362 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,400 For you. 363 00:15:32,734 --> 00:15:35,067 Come on. Come on. 364 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,300 It must be the way he says it. 365 00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,367 Boy, this champagne is terrific, huh? 366 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,033 I wonder what kind it is. 367 00:15:49,634 --> 00:15:52,234 Del Monte. 368 00:15:52,267 --> 00:15:54,234 My name is Paul. 369 00:15:54,267 --> 00:15:56,067 I write for Art News. 370 00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:58,200 Oh, I'm Alex. 371 00:15:58,234 --> 00:15:59,601 What do you do, Alex? 372 00:15:59,634 --> 00:16:02,467 Oh, this and that. 373 00:16:02,501 --> 00:16:03,868 Sounds interesting. 374 00:16:03,901 --> 00:16:06,000 This and that what? 375 00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,667 I, uh... 376 00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:09,801 sort of free-lance. 377 00:16:09,834 --> 00:16:12,300 Oh, you're a free-lance painter. 378 00:16:12,334 --> 00:16:13,501 No. 379 00:16:13,534 --> 00:16:14,701 Alex. 380 00:16:14,734 --> 00:16:18,000 Okay, Elaine, you win. 381 00:16:18,033 --> 00:16:20,200 I put out oil fires. 382 00:16:21,901 --> 00:16:23,100 I beg your pardon? 383 00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:25,100 When an oil well catches on fire 384 00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:26,300 they call me in to put it out. 385 00:16:26,334 --> 00:16:27,501 Sounds dangerous. 386 00:16:27,534 --> 00:16:29,901 Yeah, well, I only get the easy ones. 387 00:16:29,934 --> 00:16:32,767 You see, the main thing that got me into this line of work... 388 00:16:32,801 --> 00:16:35,501 Oh, I'm sorry. Just reflex. 389 00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:37,634 You see, uh... 390 00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,033 Actually, the thing that pulled me 391 00:16:39,067 --> 00:16:41,868 into being an oil-fire putter-outer 392 00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,868 is that it never gets boring. 393 00:16:43,901 --> 00:16:46,267 Nope. All holocausts may look alike 394 00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:49,467 but each one has a personality all its own. 395 00:16:49,501 --> 00:16:52,901 If you'll excuse me, I'd like to freshen my drink for a moment, 396 00:16:52,934 --> 00:16:54,133 I'll be right back. 397 00:16:56,434 --> 00:16:57,534 Thanks, Alex. 398 00:16:57,567 --> 00:16:59,667 I know that wasn't easy for you. 399 00:16:59,701 --> 00:17:01,400 Easier than I thought. 400 00:17:01,434 --> 00:17:03,801 It's just your luck for this party I watched 401 00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:05,033 Search for Adventure. 402 00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:07,968 I've never been the life of a party before like this. 403 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,434 I sort of like fudging. 404 00:17:11,033 --> 00:17:12,534 Do you really fight fires? 405 00:17:12,567 --> 00:17:13,734 Oh, yes, yes. 406 00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:14,968 Yes, yes. 407 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:19,567 What is the biggest fire you ever put out? 408 00:17:19,601 --> 00:17:23,701 Well, actually, I had 12 wells go up at one time. 409 00:17:23,734 --> 00:17:26,000 I'm Rita. 410 00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:27,567 I'm Alex. 411 00:17:29,467 --> 00:17:32,400 Aren't there a lot of phonies here? 412 00:17:38,434 --> 00:17:39,601 I know. 413 00:17:39,634 --> 00:17:42,534 Do you mind if I say something candid? 414 00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:44,934 If it's about the champagne, I had nothing to do with it. 415 00:17:44,968 --> 00:17:47,234 I find you very attractive. 416 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,267 I appreciate your candor. 417 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:52,167 I don't usually say things like that to guys. 418 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:53,667 I hope you don't mind. 419 00:17:53,701 --> 00:17:55,868 Well, I'll forgive you if you'll forgive 420 00:17:55,901 --> 00:17:58,634 the cheer I'm about to deafen you with. 421 00:18:00,667 --> 00:18:03,267 Have dinner with me after the party. 422 00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:04,767 At least. 423 00:18:04,801 --> 00:18:06,767 A brief dinner. 424 00:18:06,801 --> 00:18:09,033 ( doorbell ringing ) 425 00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:21,901 Alex... that guy is the same guy 426 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,501 I had the fight with in front of the gallery the other night. 427 00:18:23,534 --> 00:18:24,767 Really? That's nice. 428 00:18:24,801 --> 00:18:25,934 In my cab. 429 00:18:25,968 --> 00:18:28,133 Elaine, please. 430 00:18:28,167 --> 00:18:31,334 He must be a friend of Mrs. Hazeltine's. 431 00:18:31,367 --> 00:18:33,000 Oh, no. No. 432 00:18:33,033 --> 00:18:34,734 Elaine, I'd like you 433 00:18:34,767 --> 00:18:37,567 to meet my very dear friend, James Broderick. 434 00:18:37,601 --> 00:18:39,133 How do you do? 435 00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:40,934 We've met. 436 00:18:40,968 --> 00:18:41,667 We have? 437 00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:43,067 Haven't we? 438 00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:45,067 I'm sorry, I don't place you. 439 00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:46,367 Oh. 440 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,667 My mistake. 441 00:18:47,701 --> 00:18:48,934 Well, I'm so glad that you've come. 442 00:18:48,968 --> 00:18:52,000 Would you help yourself to some refreshments? 443 00:18:52,033 --> 00:18:53,234 Thank you. 444 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,434 He didn't recognize me. 445 00:18:56,467 --> 00:18:57,701 That's terrific. 446 00:18:57,734 --> 00:18:59,501 He looked right into my face 447 00:18:59,534 --> 00:19:01,100 and there was no sign of recognition. 448 00:19:01,133 --> 00:19:02,501 He didn't know me. He didn't know me? 449 00:19:02,534 --> 00:19:04,734 Elaine, what are you doing? 450 00:19:04,767 --> 00:19:06,100 I'll never forget him. Never. 451 00:19:06,133 --> 00:19:07,601 I mean, we really had a fight. 452 00:19:07,634 --> 00:19:09,934 I can't believe he looked through me like that. 453 00:19:09,968 --> 00:19:12,334 I was nothing to him, just a faceless cab driver. 454 00:19:12,367 --> 00:19:13,467 Elaine, please. 455 00:19:13,501 --> 00:19:14,667 He needs a reminder. 456 00:19:14,701 --> 00:19:16,334 Elaine, now, a lot of people aren't happy 457 00:19:16,367 --> 00:19:18,133 unless they screw things up that are really going well. 458 00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:19,868 Now, this is a very nice party. 459 00:19:19,901 --> 00:19:22,267 I mean, these people are very important to you. 460 00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:24,334 I'm even trying to enjoy myself. 461 00:19:24,367 --> 00:19:27,634 Elaine, why don't you just forget it, hmm? 462 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,033 Elaine. Take a deep breath. 463 00:19:31,901 --> 00:19:33,100 Take a deeper one. 464 00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:36,334 That's my girl. 465 00:19:36,367 --> 00:19:37,534 Thanks. 466 00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:40,834 So you don't remember me, huh?! 467 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,367 Sure, I do. 468 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,534 I just met you 30 seconds ago. 469 00:19:46,567 --> 00:19:49,367 I picked you up in my taxi 470 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,534 four nights ago on Madison Avenue. 471 00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:53,567 She's a taxi driver. 472 00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:02,501 And you accused me of trying 473 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,234 to cheat you on a fare. 474 00:20:04,267 --> 00:20:05,334 That was you? 475 00:20:05,367 --> 00:20:06,567 That was me. 476 00:20:06,601 --> 00:20:09,834 How can you yell into a face for 15 minutes 477 00:20:09,868 --> 00:20:11,734 and then forget the face you yelled into? 478 00:20:11,767 --> 00:20:13,367 Do you really mean it? 479 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,968 You're a cab driver? 480 00:20:15,033 --> 00:20:16,200 Yes, I am. 481 00:20:16,234 --> 00:20:18,567 I was right. 482 00:20:18,601 --> 00:20:21,868 I find that rather hard to believe. 483 00:20:21,901 --> 00:20:23,501 Well, I am. 484 00:20:23,534 --> 00:20:25,234 Alex and I are both cab drivers. 485 00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:32,934 What do you do for a living? 486 00:20:32,968 --> 00:20:34,200 Excuse me. 487 00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:41,267 Alex? 488 00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:43,200 Don't talk to me, Elaine. 489 00:20:43,234 --> 00:20:46,534 You're going to stay here till we're friends again. 490 00:20:46,567 --> 00:20:49,601 Then we'll both grow old together. 491 00:20:49,634 --> 00:20:51,801 Well, if it means anything to you 492 00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:52,834 I just want you to know 493 00:20:52,868 --> 00:20:54,601 that I will always be grateful that you taught me 494 00:20:54,634 --> 00:20:56,868 to simply tell the truth. Elaine. 495 00:20:56,901 --> 00:20:59,267 I only wish the truth worked for you too. 496 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:02,734 I'm not going to talk to you about it. 497 00:21:02,767 --> 00:21:04,868 At least yell at me. 498 00:21:04,901 --> 00:21:06,834 That will make you feel better. 499 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,801 You're not going to talk about it. 500 00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:13,200 Nope. I'm just going to sit here 501 00:21:13,234 --> 00:21:14,934 and drink your champagne. 502 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,067 What I don't understand is-- 503 00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:25,167 what's the big deal about it? 504 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,667 I'll tell you what's the big deal about it. 505 00:21:26,701 --> 00:21:30,100 A man waits all his life for a woman like that. 506 00:21:30,133 --> 00:21:32,000 What's so great about her? 507 00:21:32,033 --> 00:21:33,801 What's so great about her? 508 00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:37,734 She's the kind of woman only firefighters get. 509 00:21:37,767 --> 00:21:39,734 She just walks up to you 510 00:21:39,767 --> 00:21:42,934 looks you straight in the eye and says-- 511 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,334 "Do you mind if I say something candid? 512 00:21:45,367 --> 00:21:46,934 "I find you very attractive. 513 00:21:46,968 --> 00:21:49,334 "I don't usually say things like that. 514 00:21:49,367 --> 00:21:52,267 I hope you don't mind." 515 00:21:52,300 --> 00:21:54,667 It sounded better when she said it. 516 00:21:54,701 --> 00:21:56,701 It sounded like once in a lifetime 517 00:21:56,734 --> 00:21:58,100 when she said it. 518 00:21:58,133 --> 00:22:01,267 It sounded terrible when she stopped saying it. 519 00:22:01,300 --> 00:22:02,534 You know, I have a feeling 520 00:22:02,567 --> 00:22:04,534 you're gonna hear from her again. 521 00:22:04,567 --> 00:22:08,267 Yeah, I could sort of tell from the way she acted towards the end. 522 00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:12,133 She called me garbage. 523 00:22:12,167 --> 00:22:13,367 There you go. 524 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,434 Hey, you know how women feel about garbage. 525 00:22:16,467 --> 00:22:17,834 Always wondering if what 526 00:22:17,868 --> 00:22:19,834 you've thrown out was important 527 00:22:19,868 --> 00:22:21,767 so you start digging through it until you find it again. 528 00:22:21,801 --> 00:22:24,167 Elaine, don't try to make me feel better, okay? 529 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,267 Let's just go back to my sitting here 530 00:22:26,300 --> 00:22:28,534 and you looking at me... feeling awful. 531 00:22:30,667 --> 00:22:35,901 She spit on my shoes. 532 00:22:35,934 --> 00:22:37,834 What I really feel bad about 533 00:22:37,868 --> 00:22:40,901 is how great everything turned out for me... 534 00:22:40,934 --> 00:22:43,968 people admiring the way I hold down two jobs 535 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,367 to support my family. 536 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,834 They're saying how great I am, you know 537 00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:50,701 and how terrific and open and honest I am 538 00:22:50,734 --> 00:22:52,767 for telling people I'm a cab driver. 539 00:22:52,801 --> 00:22:55,834 Even that fare turned out to be a great guy 540 00:22:55,868 --> 00:22:57,400 forcing that tip on me? 541 00:22:57,434 --> 00:23:00,033 This is going to pay for the party. 542 00:23:00,067 --> 00:23:01,968 I'm leaving. 543 00:23:02,033 --> 00:23:03,400 Alex, please forgive me. 544 00:23:03,434 --> 00:23:07,701 I can't believe you won't forgive me. 545 00:23:07,734 --> 00:23:09,734 I'll die if you don't forgive me. 546 00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:13,267 Oh, Alex. 547 00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:15,300 You're maybe my best friend. 548 00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:23,234 I forgive you. 549 00:23:30,767 --> 00:23:31,934 You mean it? 550 00:23:31,968 --> 00:23:33,868 I don't know with those wild stories 551 00:23:33,901 --> 00:23:35,868 you're telling, you know? 552 00:23:35,901 --> 00:23:37,100 Yes, I mean it. 553 00:23:37,133 --> 00:23:39,501 From now on, I'm going to have to go back 554 00:23:39,534 --> 00:23:41,734 to telling the truth, only the truth. 555 00:23:43,601 --> 00:23:46,567 Thank you for inviting me to your party, Elaine. 556 00:23:46,601 --> 00:23:47,801 I had a wonderful time. 557 00:23:57,634 --> 00:24:00,567 ( theme music playing ) 558 00:24:24,667 --> 00:24:26,434 WOMAN: Night, Mr. Walters. 559 00:24:26,467 --> 00:24:27,567 ( grunts ) 36068

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