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1
00:00:02,133 --> 00:00:05,334
( theme music playing )
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00:00:52,634 --> 00:00:54,300
MAN:
Taxi!
3
00:00:54,334 --> 00:00:56,567
( whistling )
4
00:00:56,601 --> 00:00:58,634
Taxi!
5
00:01:09,067 --> 00:01:12,367
Take this cab to Cuba.
6
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,200
Did you hear that?
7
00:01:23,234 --> 00:01:26,801
I said Cuba,
like... like a hijack.
8
00:01:28,701 --> 00:01:31,501
God, life. I love it!
9
00:01:32,934 --> 00:01:34,868
Don't you love it?
10
00:01:34,901 --> 00:01:37,067
Don't you
love life, driver?
11
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:39,267
No, we're just
good friends.
12
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:40,534
Where to?
13
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:42,734
Well, where do you want
to go now, Jill?
14
00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:44,067
You want to go
to a show?
15
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:45,567
You want to go
out dancing?
16
00:01:45,601 --> 00:01:47,400
754 West 23rd street.
17
00:01:47,434 --> 00:01:50,067
Seven...
that's where you live.
18
00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:51,467
Yes, it is.
19
00:01:51,501 --> 00:01:56,601
A-ha. You mean you want
to go to... your place.
20
00:01:56,634 --> 00:01:58,567
Desperately.
21
00:01:58,601 --> 00:01:59,601
You heard her.
22
00:01:59,634 --> 00:02:00,968
I heard her.
23
00:02:02,434 --> 00:02:04,968
Oh, wasn't that
a great restaurant?
24
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,033
Especially nice
when you can share it
25
00:02:07,067 --> 00:02:08,334
with someone you like.
26
00:02:08,367 --> 00:02:10,300
It must be.
27
00:02:10,334 --> 00:02:12,167
You know, uh...
28
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,200
there are those
who claim oysters
29
00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:16,467
to be an aphrodisiac.
30
00:02:16,501 --> 00:02:17,701
Let me out here.
31
00:02:17,734 --> 00:02:20,234
It's not the address
you gave me.
32
00:02:20,267 --> 00:02:21,901
Yeah, I want to walk.
33
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:23,167
I need some air.
34
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,567
You can't get out here.
35
00:02:24,601 --> 00:02:26,467
This is a terrible
part of town.
36
00:02:26,501 --> 00:02:28,300
He's right, you know. You can
get killed in this neighborhood.
37
00:02:28,334 --> 00:02:30,734
Well, in that case,
let him out.
38
00:02:31,968 --> 00:02:35,000
Did I say something
to offend you tonight?
39
00:02:35,033 --> 00:02:36,234
Everything after hello.
40
00:02:36,267 --> 00:02:38,100
Please, Jill,
41
00:02:38,133 --> 00:02:39,567
the driver can hear us.
42
00:02:39,601 --> 00:02:40,567
No, not a word.
43
00:02:40,601 --> 00:02:42,200
I don't care if he can hear us.
44
00:02:42,234 --> 00:02:43,334
I want him to hear us.
45
00:02:43,367 --> 00:02:45,267
I want a witness
to what this evening
46
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:47,667
was like for me
while it's still
fresh in my memory.
47
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:51,601
He insisted on ordering
the meal in French.
48
00:02:51,634 --> 00:02:55,133
My main course
was ten pats of butter.
49
00:03:01,834 --> 00:03:03,968
If you were having
such a lousy time,
50
00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:06,167
why didn't you
say something earlier?
51
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,000
What did you think
that I meant
52
00:03:08,033 --> 00:03:09,567
when I said two hours ago,
53
00:03:09,601 --> 00:03:12,200
"Please, for the love
of God, take me home"?
54
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,901
I thought you were
coming on to me.
55
00:03:15,934 --> 00:03:18,400
Okay, here we are.
56
00:03:18,434 --> 00:03:20,534
Thank goodness!
57
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:23,367
Uh... can I see you to the door?
58
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:24,701
No.
59
00:03:24,734 --> 00:03:26,033
I guess this means
60
00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:28,267
you don't want
to sleep with me.
61
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,901
Where to?
62
00:03:41,934 --> 00:03:44,300
Who cares?
63
00:03:48,133 --> 00:03:49,567
Hey, it's none
of my business,
64
00:03:49,601 --> 00:03:50,968
but if you want
my opinion,
65
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,701
she was no great
prize, you know.
66
00:03:52,734 --> 00:03:53,834
With all the women
in this city,
67
00:03:53,868 --> 00:03:55,167
you don't have
to get hung up on her.
68
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,634
That's easy for you to say.
69
00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:57,734
You're a cab driver.
70
00:03:57,767 --> 00:03:59,868
You have women in your cab
all day long.
71
00:03:59,901 --> 00:04:01,033
I never meet anybody.
72
00:04:01,067 --> 00:04:01,701
What do you do?
73
00:04:01,734 --> 00:04:03,634
I'm a United States Congressman.
74
00:04:13,467 --> 00:04:15,234
Say, uh, listen,
I'll just check in,
75
00:04:15,267 --> 00:04:17,033
and then maybe we can go
for a beer.
76
00:04:17,067 --> 00:04:18,200
What do you say?
77
00:04:18,234 --> 00:04:19,334
I'm in no hurry.
78
00:04:19,367 --> 00:04:20,534
Okay.
79
00:04:23,901 --> 00:04:25,200
Where's Louie?
80
00:04:25,234 --> 00:04:26,300
Oh, hi.
81
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,133
Took his mom to the dentist.
82
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:29,234
In the middle of the night?
83
00:04:29,267 --> 00:04:31,400
Yeah, he found
this discount dentist
84
00:04:31,434 --> 00:04:32,868
only works nights.
85
00:04:32,901 --> 00:04:34,434
Leave it to Louie, right?
86
00:04:34,467 --> 00:04:35,901
Yeah. Very romantic.
87
00:04:35,934 --> 00:04:37,701
Root canal by starlight.
88
00:04:37,734 --> 00:04:38,868
Hey, listen.
You want a cup of coffee?
89
00:04:38,901 --> 00:04:40,601
It may be a while.
90
00:04:40,634 --> 00:04:42,167
Oh, sure.
91
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,400
You know, I think you're
the first congressman
92
00:04:44,434 --> 00:04:46,834
we've ever had
in this garage.
93
00:04:46,868 --> 00:04:50,133
I still don't think of myself
as a congressman.
94
00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:52,501
You see, Dad's
a major contributor
95
00:04:52,534 --> 00:04:54,501
to the party,
so, to thank him,
96
00:04:54,534 --> 00:04:56,968
they, uh, they ran me
for Congress.
97
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,901
Yeah, and you won the election.
That's great.
98
00:04:58,934 --> 00:05:01,300
In a district
my party's always won.
99
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:03,400
But you won.
100
00:05:03,434 --> 00:05:05,701
The week before the election
101
00:05:05,734 --> 00:05:08,601
my opponent
was convicted of murder.
102
00:05:08,634 --> 00:05:11,000
But you did win.
103
00:05:11,033 --> 00:05:12,634
We had to have a runoff.
104
00:05:15,634 --> 00:05:17,167
Yeah, so now, you're in office.
105
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,734
I bet you're showing them, huh?
106
00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:20,934
There's talk
of a recall.
107
00:05:20,968 --> 00:05:23,067
Ah, who cares about that?
108
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:24,868
You dress nice.
109
00:05:24,901 --> 00:05:27,033
Look, you know,
I really appreciate
110
00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:29,267
you trying to cheer me up
like this.
111
00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:31,167
( laughing )
112
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,300
Hey, hey.
113
00:05:32,334 --> 00:05:33,701
How you doing, Alex?
114
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:34,868
Guys, I'd like you to
meet Walter Griswold.
115
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:37,501
Walter is a United
States Congressman.
116
00:05:37,534 --> 00:05:39,167
How do you do?
117
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,968
Hey, I'm in
your district.
118
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,100
I voted for you.
119
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,767
Oh, yeah? Why?
120
00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:46,601
The other guy
was up for murder.
121
00:05:46,634 --> 00:05:48,834
Oh, yeah.
122
00:05:50,901 --> 00:05:52,334
Congressman?
123
00:05:52,367 --> 00:05:54,834
Yeah, Latka, this is a
very important person
in our government.
124
00:05:54,868 --> 00:05:56,067
Oh.
125
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:57,234
No, no, Latka!
126
00:05:57,267 --> 00:06:00,100
You don't have
to give him money.
127
00:06:00,133 --> 00:06:02,868
No, no, in America, they
just like to shake hands.
128
00:06:02,901 --> 00:06:04,234
Oh.
129
00:06:04,267 --> 00:06:06,767
This is good country.
130
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:08,501
Nice to meet you.
131
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:10,467
It's nice to meet you.
132
00:06:10,501 --> 00:06:11,901
Thank you very much.
133
00:06:13,234 --> 00:06:16,434
( growling )
134
00:06:16,467 --> 00:06:18,100
All right, guys.
135
00:06:18,133 --> 00:06:21,200
Line up, animals.
136
00:06:21,234 --> 00:06:23,000
Hey, Louie,
how's your mom's teeth?
137
00:06:23,033 --> 00:06:24,367
Oh, okay.
138
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,133
She had to have
a little work done
139
00:06:27,167 --> 00:06:29,601
but this guy's prices
are so reasonable
140
00:06:29,634 --> 00:06:31,567
I even sprung
for Novocaine.
141
00:06:31,601 --> 00:06:33,000
It's my own mother.
142
00:06:33,033 --> 00:06:34,267
What the hell?
143
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:36,868
Hey, listen, Walter,
I'll be right back, okay?
144
00:06:36,901 --> 00:06:38,200
Okay.
145
00:06:38,234 --> 00:06:41,667
Hey, so what are you doing
in our garage, Your Honor?
146
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:43,334
Oh, well, I was out on a date,
147
00:06:43,367 --> 00:06:45,734
but the lady had to
cut the evening short.
148
00:06:45,767 --> 00:06:48,133
Said something about
having to get up early
149
00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:49,734
and change her phone number.
150
00:06:49,767 --> 00:06:51,434
Yeah, his date was
a real sweetheart,
151
00:06:51,467 --> 00:06:52,868
if you know what I mean.
152
00:06:52,901 --> 00:06:53,968
No, Alex, it wasn't her.
153
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,033
It was me.
154
00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:57,033
The fact is, uh...
155
00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:59,901
I'm a loser with women.
156
00:06:59,934 --> 00:07:01,234
Come on.
157
00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:04,901
Women.
158
00:07:12,234 --> 00:07:17,901
In my country,
women work like ox.
159
00:07:17,934 --> 00:07:23,133
They cook, they...
have lots of babies,
160
00:07:23,167 --> 00:07:26,367
uh... they get old early.
161
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:28,734
They happy.
162
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:37,434
In America, the women,
they have, uh...
163
00:07:37,467 --> 00:07:42,400
they have maids, they
dress with nice clothes,
164
00:07:42,434 --> 00:07:44,901
they take bubble bath.
165
00:07:44,934 --> 00:07:47,567
They happy.
166
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,234
What is your point?
167
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:52,567
Women happy people.
168
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:01,067
Hey, Walt,
I didn't think a congressman
169
00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:03,767
would have any trouble
getting chicks.
170
00:08:03,801 --> 00:08:05,367
Oh, boy, this one does.
171
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,634
You see,
all I ever wanted in life
172
00:08:07,667 --> 00:08:09,801
was a nice, sweet, average girl
173
00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:12,367
who couldn't keep
her hands off of me.
174
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,801
Every time I go out,
I make a fool out of myself.
175
00:08:15,834 --> 00:08:18,200
It's getting so
I can't get dates.
176
00:08:18,234 --> 00:08:20,801
You know how embarrassing it is
177
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:24,601
to go to the presidential
inaugural ball stag?
178
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:27,300
I only hope
people think I'm gay.
179
00:08:27,334 --> 00:08:29,167
You know, Walter, I used to have
trouble with women.
180
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,968
And then I found
that the best way to handle them
181
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,267
was to just be myself.
182
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:34,501
No, it wouldn't work for me.
183
00:08:34,534 --> 00:08:35,501
Why not?
You're cute.
184
00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:37,701
Oh, yeah.
185
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,467
Walter, you know,
there isn't a guy here
186
00:08:39,501 --> 00:08:40,567
who hasn't been rejected.
187
00:08:40,601 --> 00:08:42,367
I mean, you're taking this
too seriously.
188
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:43,634
A woman once said to me,
189
00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:46,300
"I never want to see you again
as long as I live."
190
00:08:46,334 --> 00:08:47,334
That's happened to everybody.
191
00:08:47,367 --> 00:08:51,133
We hadn't been introduced.
192
00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:53,367
He is wearing a nice suit,
though, isn't he, fellas?
193
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,467
No, no, I might as well
just give up.
194
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:56,634
Oh, Walter, baloney.
195
00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:58,334
You know
what your trouble is?
196
00:08:58,367 --> 00:09:00,100
You try too hard.
197
00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:01,334
You know, women sense
your anxiety.
198
00:09:01,367 --> 00:09:03,868
What you really need
is some confidence.
199
00:09:03,901 --> 00:09:06,801
I think a date
with a very attractive
200
00:09:06,834 --> 00:09:09,434
but a very, uh...
a very nice person
201
00:09:09,467 --> 00:09:11,467
would do you a lot
of good, you know that?
202
00:09:12,634 --> 00:09:14,334
And I have someone in mind.
203
00:09:14,367 --> 00:09:15,501
Her.
204
00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:17,133
Damn it, Louie,
you little twerp
205
00:09:17,167 --> 00:09:19,267
Now, listen to me.
I am not going to take
206
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,200
that kind of garbage
from you anymore,
207
00:09:21,234 --> 00:09:23,133
so you can just cram it!
208
00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:24,567
Oh!
209
00:09:26,868 --> 00:09:29,601
She's uch nicer than
what I'm used to.
210
00:09:39,968 --> 00:09:43,467
Elaine, I want to thank you
for going out with me tonight.
211
00:09:43,501 --> 00:09:45,033
Did I already thank you?
212
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:46,234
Yeah, you thanked me.
213
00:09:46,267 --> 00:09:49,234
You thanked my children,
you thanked my baby-sitter...
214
00:09:49,267 --> 00:09:52,100
I believe you can't say
"thank you" too often.
215
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,534
Well, yeah, that's true.
216
00:09:53,567 --> 00:09:55,067
Thank you.
217
00:09:56,968 --> 00:09:58,033
Thank you.
218
00:09:59,968 --> 00:10:01,167
Thank you.
219
00:10:02,968 --> 00:10:05,534
I guess you can say
"thank you" too often.
220
00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:07,767
Walter, just relax.
221
00:10:07,801 --> 00:10:09,734
You saw me perspire, didn't you?
222
00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:10,968
Excuse me?
223
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,400
I perspire.
224
00:10:12,434 --> 00:10:13,901
Well, everyone perspires.
225
00:10:13,934 --> 00:10:15,200
I perspire freely.
226
00:10:15,234 --> 00:10:16,634
I'm talking buckets.
227
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:19,200
That's why
I'll never be reelected.
228
00:10:19,234 --> 00:10:21,300
Who's going to vote for a man
229
00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:25,067
who always looks like he just
stepped out of a sauna?
230
00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:27,300
So, what's it like
living in Washington?
231
00:10:27,334 --> 00:10:30,634
Oh, God,
do I sweat in Washington.
232
00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:32,667
It is so humid there,
233
00:10:32,701 --> 00:10:34,033
as if that would make
any difference.
234
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,534
I'd probably sweat
on the Matterhorn.
235
00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:40,434
I shake hands with people,
and they wipe their hands off.
236
00:10:40,467 --> 00:10:42,667
They pretend
to do something else
237
00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:44,767
so they won't
hurt my feelings.
238
00:10:44,801 --> 00:10:47,100
They, uh...
they cross their arms.
239
00:10:47,133 --> 00:10:50,200
They adjust their ties.
240
00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:52,100
They wave hello at friends.
241
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:54,167
Could we talk about
something else?
242
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,167
I'm talking
about sweat again.
243
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,634
Why do I always
talk sweat on dates?
244
00:10:58,667 --> 00:11:01,534
It's because
I'm always sweating on dates.
245
00:11:02,567 --> 00:11:04,734
I was the only one who said no.
246
00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,200
Oh, hey, Walter!
247
00:11:06,234 --> 00:11:08,434
Nice to see you again.
248
00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:09,868
Hi, Elaine.
249
00:11:09,901 --> 00:11:12,033
Hi.
250
00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:14,868
Hey, you guys come here
all the time, right?
251
00:11:14,901 --> 00:11:16,868
You got anything
to recommend
252
00:11:16,901 --> 00:11:19,334
to make the dining experience
a memorable one?
253
00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:22,501
Yeah, they got a great air
hockey game in the back room.
254
00:11:22,534 --> 00:11:23,634
Hey, come on.
They do.
255
00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:25,033
I know.
Uh, we'll see you later.
256
00:11:25,067 --> 00:11:27,567
Would you care
for another round?
257
00:11:27,601 --> 00:11:28,934
Oh, no, I'm fine.
258
00:11:28,968 --> 00:11:30,701
Uh, I'll have another.
259
00:11:30,734 --> 00:11:31,901
He hates me.
260
00:11:31,934 --> 00:11:33,534
Who?
261
00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:34,868
The waiter.
262
00:11:34,901 --> 00:11:36,934
I know when a man despises me
263
00:11:36,968 --> 00:11:38,901
and that man despises me.
264
00:11:38,934 --> 00:11:42,234
He's going to spit in my food.
265
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:46,000
They do that.
266
00:11:46,033 --> 00:11:47,968
Could we go back to sweating?
267
00:11:50,267 --> 00:11:52,801
Well, well, well.
268
00:11:52,834 --> 00:11:53,968
Look who's here.
269
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,400
Hi, Louie.
270
00:11:55,434 --> 00:11:56,667
Hello, Nardo.
271
00:11:56,701 --> 00:11:59,501
Is this your date
for the evening?
272
00:11:59,534 --> 00:12:01,334
You remember me, Congressman
Walter Griswold.
273
00:12:01,367 --> 00:12:02,868
Yeah.
274
00:12:02,901 --> 00:12:06,701
What, they run out of towels
in the men's room?
275
00:12:06,734 --> 00:12:09,400
No, that's, uh,
that's sweat.
276
00:12:09,434 --> 00:12:12,834
I was telling Elaine,
I sweat a lot.
277
00:12:12,868 --> 00:12:16,033
Congratulations.
278
00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:18,234
Well, uh, I don't want
279
00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:21,834
to destroy
your magical tete-a-tete.
280
00:12:21,868 --> 00:12:23,300
See you later.
281
00:12:23,334 --> 00:12:24,834
He's a nice guy.
282
00:12:24,868 --> 00:12:26,234
Oh, yeah, a prince.
283
00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:28,868
Talk about a lame duck.
284
00:12:28,901 --> 00:12:30,267
( laughing )
285
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:31,734
Hey, come on, Louie.
286
00:12:31,767 --> 00:12:33,200
Walter's a nice guy.
287
00:12:33,234 --> 00:12:35,534
He's a United States
Congressman.
288
00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:38,501
I don't care if he's
the Duke of Cornwall.
289
00:12:38,534 --> 00:12:40,934
In my book,
the guy's a shlimazl.
290
00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:42,934
What's a shlimazl?
291
00:12:45,567 --> 00:12:47,968
Well, you see,
there's schlemiels
292
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,667
and shlimazls.
293
00:12:51,601 --> 00:12:53,033
A schlemiel is a guy
294
00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:55,501
who goes to
a formal dinner party
295
00:12:55,534 --> 00:12:57,067
and spills his soup.
296
00:12:57,100 --> 00:13:00,133
A shlimazl's
the guy he spills it on.
297
00:13:01,601 --> 00:13:03,834
Hey, Louie, you know
what's good about you?
298
00:13:03,868 --> 00:13:04,968
What?
299
00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:08,234
I was hoping
you had an answer.
300
00:13:08,267 --> 00:13:11,300
Have, uh, have you
decided yet, Elaine?
301
00:13:11,334 --> 00:13:14,667
Um... I'm not sure.
302
00:13:14,701 --> 00:13:17,000
Walter, your
menu's on fire.
303
00:13:17,033 --> 00:13:18,868
Walter, uh...
304
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,901
I think I'll start
with the chocolate cheesecake.
305
00:13:56,033 --> 00:13:58,901
Boy, this guy.
306
00:13:58,934 --> 00:14:01,234
He is a horse's yatabe.
307
00:14:10,567 --> 00:14:12,267
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry,
Elaine.
308
00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:13,901
It's the same old story.
309
00:14:13,934 --> 00:14:16,968
A girl goes out with me,
I embarrass her.
310
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,100
It's no wonder they never want
to see me again.
311
00:14:20,133 --> 00:14:22,033
I never want
to see me again.
312
00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:23,634
I didn't say
I didn't want to see you again.
313
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:25,701
Oh, yeah? You want to go out
Saturday night?
314
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:27,467
Oh, no,
Saturday, I made these...
315
00:14:27,501 --> 00:14:29,467
See? See?
What about Sunday?
316
00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:30,868
No, I take the kids...
317
00:14:30,901 --> 00:14:32,033
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
318
00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:33,200
What about Monday?
319
00:14:33,234 --> 00:14:34,634
Monday's a bad day.
320
00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:35,534
Mm-hmm. Tuesday?
321
00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:38,400
Well... it's fine.
322
00:14:38,434 --> 00:14:41,067
What?
323
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:42,901
I'd love to.
324
00:14:42,934 --> 00:14:44,334
You want to go out
with me again?
325
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:46,634
Yes, Walter.
326
00:14:49,033 --> 00:14:51,033
What's wrong with you?
327
00:14:59,434 --> 00:15:00,501
Can you believe Elaine?
328
00:15:00,534 --> 00:15:02,434
Getting mixed up
with a loser like that?
329
00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:05,300
She's gone out with him every
night for the past two weeks.
330
00:15:05,334 --> 00:15:07,734
Look, Why do we have to
talk about Walter anymore?
331
00:15:07,767 --> 00:15:09,834
We all have our good
days and our bad days.
332
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:13,200
Then Walter's got
some great days ahead.
333
00:15:13,234 --> 00:15:14,934
What are you guys
talking about?
334
00:15:14,968 --> 00:15:16,033
Boxing.Work.
School.
335
00:15:16,067 --> 00:15:17,033
General stuff.
336
00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:20,067
Must have been a hell
of a conversation.
337
00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:21,467
Well, Nardo...
338
00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:23,200
Has it happened yet?
339
00:15:23,234 --> 00:15:24,534
What?
340
00:15:24,567 --> 00:15:26,033
Has one of your kisses
341
00:15:26,067 --> 00:15:28,033
turned the toad
into a prince?
342
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:29,801
Louie, you take that back.
343
00:15:29,834 --> 00:15:33,167
Nardo, do you know
what a shlimazl is?
344
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,434
I don't have
to listen to this.
345
00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:38,634
A sclimazl is a guy
who comes home from work early
346
00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:41,033
and finds his wife
in bed with his boss,
347
00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:44,267
then gets docked a day's pay
for leaving the office.
348
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:45,601
( laughs )
349
00:15:45,634 --> 00:15:47,601
And with
a little more class,
350
00:15:47,634 --> 00:15:49,601
Walter would be
a shlimazl.
351
00:15:49,634 --> 00:15:50,634
( cackling )
352
00:15:50,667 --> 00:15:52,267
Louie, I am warning you.
353
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:53,534
Now watch it.
354
00:15:53,567 --> 00:15:55,133
( laughing )
355
00:15:55,167 --> 00:15:57,767
( yells )
356
00:15:57,801 --> 00:16:01,567
Listen, Nardo...
if you ever grab me again
357
00:16:01,601 --> 00:16:04,934
in a non-erogenous zone,
you're gone.
358
00:16:04,968 --> 00:16:05,968
Ugh.
359
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,834
Alex, I need
your advice.
360
00:16:11,868 --> 00:16:14,667
ALL:
Ooh!
361
00:16:14,701 --> 00:16:16,634
What? Okay, look,
362
00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:17,868
unless it's about you
and Walter,
363
00:16:17,901 --> 00:16:19,767
because I don't want to get
in the middle of that.
364
00:16:19,801 --> 00:16:20,934
It's about me and Walter.
365
00:16:20,968 --> 00:16:23,501
All right. If you just want to
talk and it's no big stuff...
366
00:16:23,534 --> 00:16:24,567
It's gigantic stuff.
367
00:16:24,601 --> 00:16:26,534
Well, I mean, if it doesn't get
really intimate...
368
00:16:26,567 --> 00:16:27,601
You can't get
more intimate.
369
00:16:27,634 --> 00:16:28,634
In that case, shoot.
370
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,000
Well... I guess
everybody's really curious
371
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,267
about why I'm seeing him
so much.
372
00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:36,968
Well, I'm not. I understand.
373
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:37,968
Yeah?
374
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,167
Yeah.
375
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,767
I mean, he's not the man of
my dreams, but I like him.
376
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:45,067
I guess like him for
the same reason
377
00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:48,434
I'm drawn to that scrawny
little puppy in the pet store
378
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:49,901
you know, that
nobody else wants.
379
00:16:49,934 --> 00:16:50,934
Well, whatever your reasons,
380
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:52,767
I really got to hand it to you,
Elaine, you know?
381
00:16:52,801 --> 00:16:55,000
Dating you
has really changed Walter.
382
00:16:55,033 --> 00:16:56,367
He seems like he's got
383
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:57,968
a lot more confidence
in himself now.
384
00:16:58,033 --> 00:16:58,667
You know that?
385
00:16:58,701 --> 00:17:00,067
I know. You're right.
386
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,501
Oh, he is such a sweet guy.
387
00:17:01,534 --> 00:17:04,300
You know how some guys
treat your kids nice?
388
00:17:04,334 --> 00:17:05,467
Yeah.
389
00:17:05,501 --> 00:17:07,834
Well, Walter's not just
treating them nice.
390
00:17:07,868 --> 00:17:09,434
I mean, he really likes my kids.
391
00:17:09,467 --> 00:17:10,367
Oh, yeah?
392
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,300
The other day
my daughter came home upset
393
00:17:12,334 --> 00:17:13,968
because three
of her best friends
394
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,267
were going to see
The Nutcracker without her.
395
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:18,234
The mother couldn't get
an extra ticket
396
00:17:18,267 --> 00:17:19,901
and so she was the only one
left out.
397
00:17:19,934 --> 00:17:22,133
Well, I'm giving her
this big lecture,
398
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,868
telling her it's no big deal
399
00:17:23,901 --> 00:17:26,133
and you shouldn't be
so upset about it,
400
00:17:26,167 --> 00:17:27,901
you know, but she
wouldn't stop crying.
401
00:17:27,934 --> 00:17:31,300
So I look over at Walter,
and he's got tears in his eyes.
402
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:33,501
So then I got them both
on my hands.
403
00:17:33,534 --> 00:17:34,634
So, what'd you do?
404
00:17:34,667 --> 00:17:37,901
I took them both
to see The Nutcracker.
405
00:17:37,934 --> 00:17:38,801
What's your problem?
406
00:17:38,834 --> 00:17:39,834
I got to break up with him.
407
00:17:39,868 --> 00:17:41,667
Oh, Elaine, no.
408
00:17:41,701 --> 00:17:44,334
I know, Alex.
I'm sorry, but
I have no choice.
409
00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:47,133
Walter's beginning to make
certain suggestions.
410
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,167
Like what?
411
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,234
Like, "How about
a roll in the hay?"
412
00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:54,334
Walter's suggestions seem to run
toward the blunt, don't they?
413
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:55,334
Yeah.
414
00:17:55,367 --> 00:17:56,667
I mean, I like him,
415
00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:59,467
but there's just not
that chemistry thing.
416
00:17:59,501 --> 00:18:01,701
So what do you want me to say,
I understand?
417
00:18:01,734 --> 00:18:02,701
I understand.
418
00:18:02,734 --> 00:18:04,634
What are you getting
so sore about?
419
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:05,667
I'm not sore.
420
00:18:05,701 --> 00:18:06,801
I mean, you want advice?
421
00:18:06,834 --> 00:18:09,133
You want to break up
with Walter, fine.
422
00:18:09,167 --> 00:18:10,734
Just go on your own instincts,
423
00:18:10,767 --> 00:18:13,934
those same instincts
that have gotten you this far--
424
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,701
divorced, poor,
working nights,
425
00:18:15,734 --> 00:18:16,767
holding two jobs.
426
00:18:16,801 --> 00:18:18,334
Alex, will you calm down
for a second?
427
00:18:18,367 --> 00:18:19,167
Now listen to me.
428
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,767
This man is
coming over tonight.
429
00:18:20,801 --> 00:18:22,167
We're gonna be alone.
430
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,734
My kids are with my ex-husband.
431
00:18:24,767 --> 00:18:27,067
I don't know if I can
handle this.
432
00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:28,701
Elaine, do you really expect me
to tell you
433
00:18:28,734 --> 00:18:30,767
whether you should roll
in the hay or not with Walter?
434
00:18:30,801 --> 00:18:33,033
I guess you're right.
435
00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:35,734
Oh, I got to do
what I got to do.
436
00:18:35,767 --> 00:18:38,868
I just know it's going
to break his heart.
437
00:18:38,901 --> 00:18:41,834
Oh. You're going
to go to bed with him.
438
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,300
You're sure
you don't want anything?
439
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:03,968
Maybe just a little... applause.
440
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,000
No, I haven't got time.
441
00:19:09,033 --> 00:19:11,601
I'll just have
a cup of coffee...
442
00:19:11,634 --> 00:19:13,901
Babe.
443
00:19:29,467 --> 00:19:31,934
Uh...
444
00:19:31,968 --> 00:19:33,467
Say, can we talk about...
445
00:19:33,501 --> 00:19:35,033
No, no.
446
00:19:35,067 --> 00:19:36,467
I guess we shouldn't.
447
00:19:36,501 --> 00:19:38,434
It's not a thing
you talk about.
448
00:19:38,467 --> 00:19:40,634
Walter, it's okay
to talk about it.
449
00:19:40,667 --> 00:19:43,334
I've never sweat so much
in my entire life.
450
00:19:46,467 --> 00:19:47,801
Elaine, be honest with me.
451
00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:50,834
Did you let me stay last night
because you wanted to,
452
00:19:50,868 --> 00:19:52,767
or because you felt sorry
for me?
453
00:19:52,801 --> 00:19:55,601
Or did I just catch up
with the law of averages?
454
00:19:55,634 --> 00:19:59,434
Walter, I let you stay
because I care about you.
455
00:19:59,467 --> 00:20:00,501
Isn't that reason enough?
456
00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:01,634
Yeah.
457
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,868
Elaine, I had a little time
to think
458
00:20:03,901 --> 00:20:06,033
before you woke up
this morning...
459
00:20:06,067 --> 00:20:08,133
seven, eight hours...
460
00:20:10,601 --> 00:20:12,300
I have a great idea.
461
00:20:12,334 --> 00:20:15,033
Why don't you and I agree
not to see anyone else.
462
00:20:15,067 --> 00:20:16,300
Walter...
463
00:20:16,334 --> 00:20:19,834
Okay, okay, I'll just agree
not to see anyone else,
464
00:20:19,868 --> 00:20:22,033
but when
can I see you again?
465
00:20:22,067 --> 00:20:23,367
What do you mean?
466
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:24,834
Well, now that
we've done this,
467
00:20:24,868 --> 00:20:26,834
I want to know
when I can see you
468
00:20:26,868 --> 00:20:27,934
and for how long,
469
00:20:27,968 --> 00:20:30,000
and can you write this
down for me?
470
00:20:30,033 --> 00:20:31,300
Walter, listen to me.
471
00:20:31,334 --> 00:20:32,734
This was just what
I was afraid of.
472
00:20:32,767 --> 00:20:34,734
I pushed too far, right?
473
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:35,400
Well...
474
00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:36,868
All right, all right.
475
00:20:36,901 --> 00:20:38,367
Don't worry about that,
don't worry about that.
476
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,701
We don't have to go
steady or anything
477
00:20:40,734 --> 00:20:43,634
but I'd appreciate it
if you'd meet my parents.
478
00:20:43,667 --> 00:20:44,634
Walter...
479
00:20:44,667 --> 00:20:46,033
I can make a call now.
480
00:20:46,067 --> 00:20:48,234
There are flights
leaving all hours.
481
00:20:48,267 --> 00:20:50,534
Walter, you want to fly your
parents to New York
482
00:20:50,567 --> 00:20:51,868
because of what we
did last night?
483
00:20:51,901 --> 00:20:53,334
It's a shuttle.
484
00:20:53,367 --> 00:20:55,234
It'll be great.
485
00:20:55,267 --> 00:20:56,701
You'll bring the kids
486
00:20:56,734 --> 00:20:59,400
and we'll go and see
The Nutcracker.
487
00:20:59,434 --> 00:21:00,734
Walter!
488
00:21:00,767 --> 00:21:01,834
I'm screwing up.
489
00:21:01,868 --> 00:21:03,400
I'm screwing up.
490
00:21:03,434 --> 00:21:04,734
Walter, now, stop.
491
00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:06,033
Just listen to me.
492
00:21:06,067 --> 00:21:07,334
It's too much.
493
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:09,000
You're scaring me.
494
00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:10,267
You're trying to chart
495
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:12,501
our entire relationship
in one morning.
496
00:21:12,534 --> 00:21:14,200
You're right.
497
00:21:14,234 --> 00:21:15,667
You're absolutely right.
498
00:21:15,701 --> 00:21:18,067
I tend to make too much
of these things.
499
00:21:18,100 --> 00:21:20,801
Oh, forgive me, Elaine.
500
00:21:24,601 --> 00:21:28,200
It was a wonderful evening.
501
00:21:39,868 --> 00:21:42,934
Maybe we'll see
each other again.
502
00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:56,767
Good-bye, Elaine.
503
00:22:24,467 --> 00:22:28,300
Were you missing me at all,
because I was dying out there.
504
00:22:28,334 --> 00:22:32,033
You are such a lovely man.
505
00:22:32,067 --> 00:22:34,801
Hey, I want our relationship
to continue.
506
00:22:34,834 --> 00:22:36,934
Can't we just
leave it at that?
507
00:22:36,968 --> 00:22:38,501
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
508
00:22:38,534 --> 00:22:40,367
We should just take it slow.
509
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,501
Take it as it comes.
510
00:22:42,534 --> 00:22:43,834
Right.
511
00:22:43,868 --> 00:22:45,200
Play it by ear.
512
00:22:45,234 --> 00:22:47,801
How about every Thursday night
for the next three months?
513
00:22:49,634 --> 00:22:51,133
Is 8:00 okay?
514
00:23:04,767 --> 00:23:06,701
See? I told you
we'd make it.
515
00:23:06,734 --> 00:23:09,000
Hey, listen, you've
got 15 minutes
516
00:23:09,033 --> 00:23:10,901
before your plane
takes off.
517
00:23:10,934 --> 00:23:12,334
Good.
518
00:23:12,367 --> 00:23:15,767
So, how'd it go with you
and Elaine last night?
519
00:23:15,801 --> 00:23:16,634
Fine.
520
00:23:16,667 --> 00:23:18,601
Oh, that's good.
521
00:23:18,634 --> 00:23:20,968
Yes, fine is very good.
522
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,267
You do anything
out of the ordinary?
523
00:23:23,300 --> 00:23:28,267
No. It was, I guess, an ordinary
evening for most people.
524
00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:29,300
Now listen, Alex.
525
00:23:29,334 --> 00:23:30,734
I know you want to know
526
00:23:30,767 --> 00:23:33,534
what took place
between Elaine and me,
527
00:23:33,567 --> 00:23:37,234
but there are some things
a gentleman does not discuss.
528
00:23:37,267 --> 00:23:38,834
Oh, I understand,
Walter.
529
00:23:38,868 --> 00:23:42,000
I'll probably see you
next time I'm back in town.
530
00:23:42,033 --> 00:23:43,734
Yeah, I'll see you,
Walter.
531
00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:45,000
Oh, and Walter...
532
00:23:45,033 --> 00:23:46,133
Yeah?
533
00:23:46,167 --> 00:23:48,133
Congratulations.
534
00:23:48,167 --> 00:23:49,501
Thanks.
535
00:23:57,767 --> 00:24:00,601
( theme music playing )
536
00:24:24,767 --> 00:24:26,334
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
537
00:24:26,367 --> 00:24:27,701
( grunts )
36636
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