All language subtitles for man.with.a.plan.s01e17.hdtv-lol

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,837 Thanks for cooking, Ma. 2 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,839 I haven't had a real home-cooked meal in... 3 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,275 one day. 4 00:00:16,102 --> 00:00:18,516 God, you're pretty. 5 00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:22,354 Oh, you're lucky you're pretty, too. 6 00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:25,056 Oh, I've missed nights like this. 7 00:00:25,058 --> 00:00:27,959 Everybody I love under the same roof. 8 00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:30,161 Well, my wife couldn't make it, so not everyone. 9 00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:32,097 I knew what I was saying. 10 00:00:34,029 --> 00:00:35,967 You guys got to come see what the girls did to Grandpa. 11 00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,769 It's awesome. 12 00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:39,838 I bet it's not as awesome as your mother's coffee. 13 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,172 I made that. 14 00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:42,474 It's bitter. I don't... 15 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:50,074 AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday 16 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,985 We turned him into a princess. 17 00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:57,055 He's all over my Instagram now. 18 00:00:58,324 --> 00:00:59,524 You're about to break the Internet. 19 00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:01,459 Good. I hate the Internet. 20 00:01:03,221 --> 00:01:07,690 Princess Cranky, the grumpiest princess in all the land. 21 00:01:09,575 --> 00:01:12,018 You're such a pushover when it comes to these kids, Joe. 22 00:01:12,024 --> 00:01:14,877 Well, I can't say no to these sweet faces. 23 00:01:14,883 --> 00:01:16,741 Ah, well, when you live with them, 24 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:17,876 that wears off pretty quick. 25 00:01:18,727 --> 00:01:20,557 Okay, guys, up to bed. 26 00:01:20,563 --> 00:01:21,413 - Good night, Grandpa. - Good night, Grandpa. 27 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:22,881 - Good night. - Night. Night. 28 00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,382 - Love you. - Night. Oh. 29 00:01:25,373 --> 00:01:28,520 Ooh, this damn shoulder's barking at me again. 30 00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:29,991 You got a couple of pain pills? 31 00:01:29,997 --> 00:01:31,563 Did you check your purse? 32 00:01:33,381 --> 00:01:36,594 Relax, Princess. I'll get you some from the kitchen. 33 00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,265 I worry about your dad. 34 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,867 He's been taking way too many pills lately. 35 00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:45,203 Well, if they're mood enhancers, they've met their match. 36 00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:48,398 What does his doctor say about all this? 37 00:01:48,404 --> 00:01:50,975 Oh, he hasn't been to the doctor since... 38 00:01:50,977 --> 00:01:54,212 Well, it was the morning after Obama first won. 39 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,582 His blood pressure shot through the roof. 40 00:01:58,787 --> 00:02:01,023 Ma, that's almost ten years ago. 41 00:02:01,029 --> 00:02:02,454 You got to get him to go. 42 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:06,562 I've tried, but he is so stuck in his ways. 43 00:02:06,568 --> 00:02:07,715 About everything. 44 00:02:07,998 --> 00:02:09,353 Bought him a cordless phone. 45 00:02:09,359 --> 00:02:10,891 He still stands right next to the base. 46 00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:12,363 Makes me furious. 47 00:02:14,196 --> 00:02:15,740 Well, somebody should talk to him. 48 00:02:15,746 --> 00:02:17,179 Any volunteers? 49 00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:22,207 Fine, I'll do it. 50 00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,008 - Oh, thank you, honey. - Mm-hmm. 51 00:02:25,823 --> 00:02:26,978 No, no, no. No. 52 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,795 Let's go upstairs and pretend like we don't know 53 00:02:28,801 --> 00:02:31,481 what's happening. Come on. 54 00:02:31,487 --> 00:02:33,921 I learn something new from you every day. 55 00:02:34,839 --> 00:02:36,719 Dad, you got to go to the doctor. 56 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,350 If you don't get a check-up, 57 00:02:38,356 --> 00:02:40,058 how will you know if something's wrong with you? 58 00:02:40,299 --> 00:02:41,754 I'd rather not know. 59 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,150 Smile, smile, smile, dead. 60 00:02:44,156 --> 00:02:46,494 That's how I want to punch my ticket. 61 00:02:51,281 --> 00:02:52,220 Okay. 62 00:02:52,226 --> 00:02:53,872 Okay, when did you ever smile? 63 00:02:55,924 --> 00:02:57,442 He smiles at me all the time. 64 00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,844 Yeah, see? Why can't you be more like your brother? 65 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,051 He's always on my side, right, Donny? 66 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,790 Ah, you got it, Pops. 67 00:03:04,647 --> 00:03:07,973 He's not on your side, he's just a big yes man. 68 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:10,547 Everybody's a yes man when you're always right. 69 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,483 All right, all right, so let me get this straight. 70 00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:16,152 You two jokers have decided you don't need doctors. 71 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:19,656 I got through the Vietnam War on aspirin and Bengay. 72 00:03:21,927 --> 00:03:23,359 That's not true. 73 00:03:23,361 --> 00:03:24,561 You weren't there. 74 00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:28,698 You weren't there! 75 00:03:29,289 --> 00:03:31,167 Adam, let me talk to you for a minute in the kitchen. 76 00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,936 Come on. 77 00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:47,417 What? 78 00:03:47,419 --> 00:03:49,652 I just brought you in here so Dad could leave. 79 00:03:49,654 --> 00:03:51,054 What? 80 00:03:51,056 --> 00:03:52,021 Dad! 81 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,890 Thanks for letting me borrow your car. 82 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:08,284 All right, Mom and Dad'll be here any minute. 83 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,892 Dad's been avoiding me all week about 84 00:04:09,898 --> 00:04:11,658 going to the doctor, but I know 85 00:04:11,660 --> 00:04:13,026 he can't resist brunch. 86 00:04:13,028 --> 00:04:15,662 That man would walk into a hail of bullets for a plate of bacon. 87 00:04:15,664 --> 00:04:18,210 Yeah. I turned the exhaust fan on high 88 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,849 so the smell wafts outside. 89 00:04:19,851 --> 00:04:22,496 He's gonna float in here like a cartoon bear. 90 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:26,061 You guys might get along better if you stop nagging the old man. 91 00:04:26,067 --> 00:04:28,357 Hey, I'd much rather be the fun son, like you, 92 00:04:28,359 --> 00:04:30,593 but someone has to step up and deal with things. 93 00:04:30,599 --> 00:04:32,808 And that kind of attitude is why he doesn't invite you 94 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,314 to go mall walking with us. 95 00:04:35,095 --> 00:04:37,384 You guys go mall walking together? 96 00:04:37,386 --> 00:04:40,754 Yeah. We got matching sweat suits. It's adorable. 97 00:04:40,756 --> 00:04:43,256 I'd mall walk if someone asked me. 98 00:04:43,258 --> 00:04:45,125 Three guys in matching sweat suits? 99 00:04:45,127 --> 00:04:46,826 That's a boy band, Adam. 100 00:04:50,399 --> 00:04:52,132 Honey, I'll go mall walking with you. 101 00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:54,982 Not you. 102 00:04:55,637 --> 00:04:56,970 - Hey. - Morning. 103 00:04:56,972 --> 00:04:58,338 Hey, Ma. 104 00:04:58,340 --> 00:04:59,444 Where's Dad? 105 00:04:59,450 --> 00:05:00,719 He won't come. He doesn't want 106 00:05:00,725 --> 00:05:01,924 to hear it about the doctor. 107 00:05:02,086 --> 00:05:03,443 But Lowell was nice enough 108 00:05:03,445 --> 00:05:04,711 to give me a ride. 109 00:05:04,713 --> 00:05:06,994 He told me if I ever needed anything, 110 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,214 I should call him. 111 00:05:08,216 --> 00:05:10,383 I didn't think she'd really call. 112 00:05:10,385 --> 00:05:11,518 Oh, she calls. 113 00:05:12,164 --> 00:05:13,623 Oh. I love him. 114 00:05:13,629 --> 00:05:15,696 It's like having a house boy. 115 00:05:19,227 --> 00:05:22,429 Lowell, you do not want to start driving her around. 116 00:05:22,431 --> 00:05:23,830 All right? She's got a million places to go, 117 00:05:23,832 --> 00:05:25,298 and they all suck. 118 00:05:25,830 --> 00:05:28,334 I can't tell her no; she's too nice. 119 00:05:28,336 --> 00:05:29,836 Listen, when I first married Adam, 120 00:05:29,838 --> 00:05:32,032 I got roped into driving her everywhere. 121 00:05:32,038 --> 00:05:33,473 And the only way I got out of it 122 00:05:33,475 --> 00:05:35,008 was by going into labor with Kate 123 00:05:35,010 --> 00:05:36,529 in the middle of a yarn shop. 124 00:05:36,849 --> 00:05:39,145 And before Andi, I used to drive her. 125 00:05:39,147 --> 00:05:40,880 That's when I learned a little trick called 126 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,715 "pretending to fall asleep." 127 00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:44,417 I got it from watching the possums 128 00:05:44,419 --> 00:05:45,618 on The Animal Channel. 129 00:05:46,621 --> 00:05:47,887 Who wouldn't mind driving me 130 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:49,722 to the outlets on Saturday? 131 00:05:54,539 --> 00:05:55,801 I can't believe Dad wouldn't come. 132 00:05:55,807 --> 00:05:56,836 He is so stubborn. 133 00:05:56,842 --> 00:05:58,898 Oh, the both of you are stubborn. 134 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,200 Hey, don't say I'm like Dad. 135 00:06:00,202 --> 00:06:01,048 You know I hate that. 136 00:06:01,054 --> 00:06:02,702 I wasn't going to. 137 00:06:02,704 --> 00:06:05,138 I was just going to look at Andi knowingly. 138 00:06:05,140 --> 00:06:07,240 - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 139 00:06:08,238 --> 00:06:09,843 Okay, so nobody's gonna do anything? 140 00:06:09,845 --> 00:06:11,602 - Mm-mm. - Mm-mm. 141 00:06:12,657 --> 00:06:13,585 Fine. 142 00:06:13,591 --> 00:06:15,515 I'll go over there and talk to Dad... 143 00:06:15,517 --> 00:06:16,950 who I'm nothing like... 144 00:06:17,222 --> 00:06:19,486 and be the bad guy like I always am. 145 00:06:19,488 --> 00:06:20,787 Bacon's not my only weapon. 146 00:06:20,789 --> 00:06:22,692 I got one more way to turn up the heat. 147 00:06:22,698 --> 00:06:25,325 Good luck. He already keeps the heat on 82. 148 00:06:25,327 --> 00:06:28,061 You should see how I sweat through my nightgown. 149 00:06:28,964 --> 00:06:30,463 Ma, no. 150 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:39,072 Dad, I know you're home. I heard you yelling at the news. 151 00:06:41,858 --> 00:06:43,810 Hey. Would you stop banging on my house? 152 00:06:43,812 --> 00:06:45,912 I'm trying to get my dad to come out here. 153 00:06:45,914 --> 00:06:48,777 Wait, you're the landlord. Can you unlock his door for me? 154 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,817 Nah, I like him more than you. 155 00:06:50,819 --> 00:06:52,051 You like him? 156 00:06:52,053 --> 00:06:54,454 He calls you Mrs. Chiquita Banana. 157 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,156 Yeah, and I call him Colonel Sanders. 158 00:06:56,158 --> 00:06:57,524 We have a thing, we're fun. 159 00:06:58,257 --> 00:07:00,044 What's with all the yapping, Charo? 160 00:07:00,505 --> 00:07:02,228 Dad, just get in the car. 161 00:07:02,230 --> 00:07:03,830 I don't have to do what you say. 162 00:07:03,832 --> 00:07:06,566 Fine, I can stand out here all day. 163 00:07:06,568 --> 00:07:08,768 Eh, not on my front porch, you can't. 164 00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:09,972 All right, you old drumstick, 165 00:07:09,978 --> 00:07:12,438 - get your Kentucky Fried butt in the car. - Okay. 166 00:07:12,513 --> 00:07:15,508 Okay, settle down. I'm going. 167 00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:18,411 You want to learn how to be a man? 168 00:07:18,413 --> 00:07:19,612 Watch her. 169 00:07:21,349 --> 00:07:22,515 Wow. 170 00:07:22,521 --> 00:07:24,350 He got us both in one shot. He's good. 171 00:07:24,352 --> 00:07:25,685 Mm. 172 00:07:28,422 --> 00:07:30,930 Grandpa, please go to the doctor. 173 00:07:31,328 --> 00:07:32,651 Yeah, Grandpa. 174 00:07:32,657 --> 00:07:34,427 If you're gone, who's gonna ask me 175 00:07:34,429 --> 00:07:36,629 to pull their finger every morning? 176 00:07:40,059 --> 00:07:41,334 Grandma? 177 00:07:42,771 --> 00:07:45,505 No, that's a grandpa's job. 178 00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:47,010 He's teetering. 179 00:07:47,016 --> 00:07:49,909 Yep. And now the little one for the win. 180 00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:57,684 Please go to the doctor, Grandpa. 181 00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:59,786 I love you so much. 182 00:07:59,788 --> 00:08:04,057 Oh, kids, I can't say no to you. 183 00:08:04,059 --> 00:08:06,726 So why don't you leave the room so I can say no to your dad. 184 00:08:08,232 --> 00:08:10,597 Come on! 185 00:08:10,599 --> 00:08:12,680 Everybody in this room 186 00:08:12,686 --> 00:08:14,697 goes to the doctor once a year. 187 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,669 Okay, it's what normal humans do. 188 00:08:16,671 --> 00:08:17,742 What is your problem? 189 00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:21,207 Look, I had this friend, Barney, from the VFW. 190 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,543 His wife was named Libby. 191 00:08:23,709 --> 00:08:25,745 I always found that strange. 192 00:08:25,747 --> 00:08:29,182 Libby. What's that short for? 193 00:08:31,185 --> 00:08:33,052 Elibabeth? 194 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,355 Can I talk here? 195 00:08:36,324 --> 00:08:37,861 Anyway, it had been a while, 196 00:08:37,867 --> 00:08:40,393 and Barney went in 'cause he had a cough. 197 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,028 When he came out of that doctor's office, 198 00:08:42,030 --> 00:08:43,496 his cough was gone. 199 00:08:43,498 --> 00:08:45,031 Because he was dead. 200 00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:49,035 Poor Elibabeth. 201 00:08:50,872 --> 00:08:53,039 Now she's a wibow. 202 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,744 Don't do what he does. 203 00:08:58,915 --> 00:08:59,846 Let's go, Donny. 204 00:08:59,848 --> 00:09:02,057 I'm with you, Dad, just like on our mall walks 205 00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:04,502 that Adam is not invited to. 206 00:09:06,554 --> 00:09:09,222 Yeah, did you know they go mall walking together? 207 00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:13,526 I never should have said anything to Adam. 208 00:09:13,528 --> 00:09:15,061 Now they're just in a big fight. 209 00:09:15,804 --> 00:09:17,700 Bev, this is going nowhere. 210 00:09:17,706 --> 00:09:19,945 Oh, they're throwing handfuls of snow at each other. 211 00:09:19,951 --> 00:09:23,086 Oh, well, that's nice. I like to see my boys playing. 212 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:27,248 Here's what we'll do: I will call Adam's doctor 213 00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:28,649 and make Joe an appointment, 214 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,451 and then you will annoy him until he goes. 215 00:09:30,453 --> 00:09:31,853 I can do annoying. 216 00:09:31,855 --> 00:09:33,387 Hi, um, I'd like to make an appointment 217 00:09:33,389 --> 00:09:34,745 with Dr. Phillips, please. 218 00:09:35,273 --> 00:09:36,369 What? 219 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,060 Oh. Uh... 220 00:09:39,217 --> 00:09:41,171 No, that's okay. I'll call back. 221 00:09:41,177 --> 00:09:43,049 - Okay, bye-bye. - What happened? 222 00:09:43,284 --> 00:09:46,380 Dr. Phillips retired five years ago. 223 00:09:46,584 --> 00:09:48,606 But Adam said he sees him every year, 224 00:09:48,612 --> 00:09:51,046 which means someone's a liar. 225 00:09:51,188 --> 00:09:54,434 Why would Dr. Phillips lie about his retirement? 226 00:09:58,173 --> 00:10:01,241 Oh, that's right, you're Don's mom, too. 227 00:10:04,409 --> 00:10:07,708 Listen, you can't make me do what I don't want to do. 228 00:10:07,714 --> 00:10:09,306 So why don't you go back in the kitchen 229 00:10:09,312 --> 00:10:10,825 with the rest of the jibbedas. 230 00:10:11,362 --> 00:10:12,560 What's a jibbeda? 231 00:10:12,562 --> 00:10:14,862 You know, jibbeda, jibbeda, jibbeda. 232 00:10:16,206 --> 00:10:17,071 Adam? 233 00:10:17,077 --> 00:10:18,232 Look, I was thinking, 234 00:10:18,234 --> 00:10:20,768 maybe your dad would feel better if you told him 235 00:10:20,770 --> 00:10:22,770 how your last physical went. 236 00:10:22,772 --> 00:10:25,339 Huh? Wh-When was that again? 237 00:10:25,341 --> 00:10:26,935 Uh, I don't know, I saw Dr. Phillips, 238 00:10:26,941 --> 00:10:28,037 like, six months ago. 239 00:10:28,043 --> 00:10:28,984 Checked my heart, 240 00:10:28,990 --> 00:10:29,897 my blood pressure, 241 00:10:29,903 --> 00:10:31,803 gave me the one-handed juggle. 242 00:10:34,984 --> 00:10:36,150 That's interesting because 243 00:10:36,152 --> 00:10:38,052 Dr. Phillips retired five years ago. 244 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:38,953 Yeah. 245 00:10:38,955 --> 00:10:41,088 I just called his office. Busted. 246 00:10:41,542 --> 00:10:44,275 No, no, not busted. 247 00:10:44,281 --> 00:10:46,594 I still go to his office, but I see a different doctor. 248 00:10:47,049 --> 00:10:49,082 Oh, really? What's his name? 249 00:10:49,138 --> 00:10:50,695 Dr. Pepper. 250 00:10:52,670 --> 00:10:54,503 Literally any other name would've worked. 251 00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:04,653 Adam, why haven't you been going to the doctor? 252 00:11:04,655 --> 00:11:05,896 Get him, Bev. 253 00:11:07,725 --> 00:11:09,458 How can you say that to me and not Dad? 254 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:12,645 Because I live with him and he controls the thermostat. 255 00:11:12,710 --> 00:11:13,559 God. 256 00:11:13,565 --> 00:11:16,599 A person can only buy so many nightgowns. 257 00:11:17,131 --> 00:11:18,913 Okay, look, last time I went, 258 00:11:18,919 --> 00:11:20,553 they wanted to run all these extra tests, 259 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:22,791 and I had to sweat the results out for a week 260 00:11:22,797 --> 00:11:24,221 before they came back normal. 261 00:11:24,227 --> 00:11:26,056 It scared the crap out of me. 262 00:11:26,062 --> 00:11:28,043 So you lied and stopped going? 263 00:11:28,045 --> 00:11:30,448 Hey, you have secrets, too, upstairs candy drawer. 264 00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:37,510 That is not mine, that was here when we moved in. 265 00:11:38,221 --> 00:11:40,549 Dad, you're a doctor-hater, back me up on this. 266 00:11:40,555 --> 00:11:43,392 Adam, you are being a moron for ignoring your health. 267 00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:44,916 What?! 268 00:11:45,533 --> 00:11:47,129 From you? Seriously? 269 00:11:47,131 --> 00:11:49,765 Well, this is different. 270 00:11:49,767 --> 00:11:52,567 You have young kids, a beautiful wife. 271 00:11:52,569 --> 00:11:54,503 You have a reason to live. 272 00:11:55,739 --> 00:11:57,039 I heard that one, Joe. 273 00:11:57,941 --> 00:11:59,941 God, you're pretty. 274 00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:02,791 Very funny. 275 00:12:02,797 --> 00:12:05,665 The point is, we all want you to go. 276 00:12:07,542 --> 00:12:10,079 Okay, okay, I'll go. 277 00:12:10,085 --> 00:12:11,353 But on one condition: 278 00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:12,736 You're going, too. 279 00:12:13,494 --> 00:12:14,827 So you won't go unless I go? 280 00:12:14,833 --> 00:12:15,691 That's right. 281 00:12:16,005 --> 00:12:17,940 Just like when you potty-trained him. 282 00:12:20,033 --> 00:12:20,858 Fine. 283 00:12:20,864 --> 00:12:22,431 Ha-ha! 284 00:12:22,433 --> 00:12:24,066 You're going, too, Don. 285 00:12:30,084 --> 00:12:31,750 These gowns are ridiculous. 286 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:32,918 Well, at least your gown fits. 287 00:12:32,924 --> 00:12:35,077 I'm flapping in the breeze down here. 288 00:12:35,079 --> 00:12:37,546 That's because they don't have the Jolly Green Giant size. 289 00:12:37,983 --> 00:12:39,630 Speaking of that... ♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪ 290 00:12:39,636 --> 00:12:41,036 Legs together. 291 00:12:41,857 --> 00:12:43,885 You know, we could be home watching the game right now, 292 00:12:43,887 --> 00:12:47,055 but, no, you had to go and make a big stink about this. 293 00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:48,957 Hey, I'm just trying to be a good son. 294 00:12:49,365 --> 00:12:50,531 I mean, look at this one. 295 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:51,769 He keeps licking tongue depressors 296 00:12:51,775 --> 00:12:53,008 and putting them back. 297 00:12:53,721 --> 00:12:55,153 I got to be better than him. 298 00:12:56,700 --> 00:12:59,052 Well, all I know is I've had enough already. 299 00:12:59,552 --> 00:13:02,404 And no way in hell you're getting me through that door. 300 00:13:03,373 --> 00:13:04,940 Good morning, gentlemen. 301 00:13:04,942 --> 00:13:06,074 I'm Dr. Knox. 302 00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,743 I'll be doing your check-ups today. 303 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:09,745 So, who's up first? 304 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,747 That'd me be. 305 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,515 Let's get this party started. 306 00:13:17,212 --> 00:13:19,254 - Here we go. - Thank you. 307 00:13:20,148 --> 00:13:21,690 Well, it's a good thing I threw on some pants, 308 00:13:21,692 --> 00:13:23,191 'cause I really thought this house was empty. 309 00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:25,527 Oh. Hi, honey. 310 00:13:25,529 --> 00:13:26,971 I just wanted to be here when the boys 311 00:13:26,977 --> 00:13:28,232 came home from the doctor. 312 00:13:28,238 --> 00:13:30,432 And Lowell was nice enough to give me another ride. 313 00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:31,967 We got up so early, we already stopped 314 00:13:31,969 --> 00:13:33,368 at the farmer's market. 315 00:13:34,666 --> 00:13:37,084 We helped the farmers set up. 316 00:13:38,522 --> 00:13:41,610 I found a potato that looks like Elvis. 317 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,613 - Oh. - Lowell said he'd glue some sideburns on. 318 00:13:45,769 --> 00:13:47,470 I did. I did say that. 319 00:13:47,476 --> 00:13:48,684 I don't know why. 320 00:13:49,887 --> 00:13:51,486 You know, Bev, 321 00:13:51,488 --> 00:13:54,022 Lowell has a family and-and responsibilities. 322 00:13:54,024 --> 00:13:56,391 He-he can't keep giving you rides everywhere. 323 00:13:56,393 --> 00:13:57,352 Oh. 324 00:13:57,358 --> 00:13:58,760 I'm so sorry, dear. 325 00:13:58,762 --> 00:14:00,228 I just wasn't thinking. 326 00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:03,098 You don't have to take me to the outlets. 327 00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:04,766 Oh, Andi, you can take me. 328 00:14:04,768 --> 00:14:06,768 No. No. What... 329 00:14:06,770 --> 00:14:08,003 What just happened? 330 00:14:08,005 --> 00:14:10,172 - I'm free. - Lowell? 331 00:14:10,174 --> 00:14:12,078 Get back here! No, you got to help me. 332 00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:14,505 No chance, sister. One of us has to live to tell this story. 333 00:14:14,511 --> 00:14:15,977 - You... - Hey, Lowell. 334 00:14:15,979 --> 00:14:17,779 - Out of my way! - Whoa. 335 00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:19,181 Hey, boys, 336 00:14:19,183 --> 00:14:20,553 did you get a clean bill of health? 337 00:14:20,559 --> 00:14:22,584 Yeah, yeah, we're all good. 338 00:14:23,504 --> 00:14:24,436 But this lucky guy 339 00:14:24,442 --> 00:14:27,069 won himself a date with a colonoscopy. 340 00:14:28,764 --> 00:14:30,733 These prep instructions read like a war movie, 341 00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:32,939 and my rear end's Omaha Beach. 342 00:14:33,968 --> 00:14:35,297 This is all your fault. 343 00:14:35,299 --> 00:14:37,098 Hey, I was just looking out for you. 344 00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:39,534 Well, I don't need it. Why don't you just mind your own business? 345 00:14:39,536 --> 00:14:41,169 Because you are my business. 346 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,521 You know, I took the day off of work to make sure 347 00:14:43,527 --> 00:14:45,473 you stay healthy and live a long time. 348 00:14:45,475 --> 00:14:47,175 Jibbeda, jibbeda, jibbeda. 349 00:14:48,732 --> 00:14:51,091 And you wonder why I'd rather hang out with your brother? 350 00:14:51,747 --> 00:14:53,007 Wow. 351 00:14:53,013 --> 00:14:55,172 You know, I haven't been a dad as long as you, 352 00:14:55,178 --> 00:14:56,852 but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to say that. 353 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,053 Oh. 354 00:14:58,055 --> 00:14:59,721 You and your new rules. 355 00:14:59,723 --> 00:15:01,590 In the old days, you could hurt anybody's feelings. 356 00:15:01,592 --> 00:15:03,534 Okay, I can't even talk to him anymore. 357 00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:05,164 - Well, I can't talk to you either! - Ah! 358 00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:07,162 Joe, I think you're overreacting. 359 00:15:07,164 --> 00:15:10,165 Yeah, I mean, they do these colonoscopy things all the time. 360 00:15:10,167 --> 00:15:12,534 You know, they scare you with the thought of 361 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:14,169 aliens probing your butt, 362 00:15:14,171 --> 00:15:16,538 but it's your own people you have to worry about. 363 00:15:20,914 --> 00:15:22,444 Aw, Oreos and milk? 364 00:15:22,446 --> 00:15:24,179 That's your sad snack. 365 00:15:25,285 --> 00:15:26,692 I'm not even pulling them apart 366 00:15:26,698 --> 00:15:28,598 - and having fun with them. - Aw. 367 00:15:29,356 --> 00:15:30,318 You know, 368 00:15:30,477 --> 00:15:31,956 I'm just trying to help my dad. 369 00:15:31,962 --> 00:15:34,122 Would it kill him to say "thank you"? 370 00:15:34,124 --> 00:15:35,589 Oh, honey, I think it might. 371 00:15:35,595 --> 00:15:37,027 Yeah. 372 00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:41,329 I'm not asking for much, just a little, 373 00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:43,441 "Adam, I see that you look out for me 374 00:15:43,447 --> 00:15:45,352 and I appreciate that, because your older brother 375 00:15:45,358 --> 00:15:46,924 is a narcoleptic ape." 376 00:15:49,039 --> 00:15:51,039 Look, he appreciates you. 377 00:15:51,041 --> 00:15:52,775 He's just not the kind of guy that lets it out, 378 00:15:52,781 --> 00:15:55,482 but it's in there, deep, deep down in there. 379 00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:58,413 Maybe they'll find it during the probe. 380 00:16:02,125 --> 00:16:04,593 Look, hon, it's always been this way with you guys. 381 00:16:04,599 --> 00:16:05,862 He doesn't like to talk about feelings, 382 00:16:05,868 --> 00:16:07,055 you don't like to talk about feelings. 383 00:16:07,057 --> 00:16:08,390 You're both incredibly stubborn. 384 00:16:08,392 --> 00:16:10,287 In fact, you could say 385 00:16:10,293 --> 00:16:12,594 that the both of you are almost exact... 386 00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:14,195 Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa! 387 00:16:14,197 --> 00:16:15,664 Don't say it. 388 00:16:15,666 --> 00:16:18,800 We agreed many years ago you can't say that. 389 00:16:18,802 --> 00:16:21,870 I mean, what if I were to say that you and your mother are... 390 00:16:21,872 --> 00:16:25,707 - Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Hey, hey, hey, hey. 391 00:16:26,275 --> 00:16:29,358 Let's just put the pins back in these grenades 392 00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,564 and walk away. 393 00:16:48,219 --> 00:16:51,164 So your dad's colonoscopy went very well. 394 00:16:51,368 --> 00:16:52,867 Oh, good. Good news. 395 00:16:52,869 --> 00:16:55,449 I have seen that man eat his whole life, 396 00:16:55,613 --> 00:16:56,968 and I just want to say I'm very sorry 397 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,174 for what you had to go through today. 398 00:16:59,910 --> 00:17:02,094 Uh, just to warn you, 399 00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,812 he's probably going to be a little loopy 400 00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,447 from the anesthesia. 401 00:17:05,449 --> 00:17:08,773 He might say some things he wouldn't normally say. 402 00:17:09,023 --> 00:17:11,019 What, like what he's really feeling? 403 00:17:11,021 --> 00:17:12,988 If he's feeling it, you'll hear it. 404 00:17:13,730 --> 00:17:15,690 Sometimes it's beautiful. 405 00:17:15,692 --> 00:17:17,525 Most of the time, it's creepy. 406 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:24,132 Hey, Dr. Foxy. 407 00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:27,489 Dad, it's Dr. Knox. 408 00:17:27,495 --> 00:17:30,029 That's what I said, Dr. Knockers. 409 00:17:32,743 --> 00:17:34,209 So how you feeling? 410 00:17:34,211 --> 00:17:36,017 Jazzy, like a jazz man. 411 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:37,979 Okay. 412 00:17:37,981 --> 00:17:39,612 Okay. Yeah. 413 00:17:39,637 --> 00:17:41,482 You know, when they were putting me under, 414 00:17:41,488 --> 00:17:43,381 I got worried I'd never wake up. 415 00:17:44,139 --> 00:17:47,055 And then I'd never see the people I love again. 416 00:17:47,345 --> 00:17:50,579 Your mother, your brother, Andi... 417 00:17:51,053 --> 00:17:52,786 those kids... 418 00:17:53,019 --> 00:17:54,889 Yeah, and? 419 00:17:55,802 --> 00:17:57,032 Tony. 420 00:17:58,966 --> 00:17:59,781 Tony? 421 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:02,411 Yeah, Tony. I met him on the way in. 422 00:18:04,675 --> 00:18:06,385 I love that guy. 423 00:18:11,961 --> 00:18:15,750 Ah, I just need a signature on these release papers. 424 00:18:15,752 --> 00:18:17,557 Oh, he's just getting dressed; he'll be out in a minute. 425 00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:20,300 Uh, actually, these are for you. He put you down as his proxy. 426 00:18:20,909 --> 00:18:22,891 - He did? - Before he went in, 427 00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:25,060 he kept saying, "Make sure Adam takes care of everything. 428 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,542 He's the only one I trust." 429 00:18:28,538 --> 00:18:30,605 He actually said that? 430 00:18:30,611 --> 00:18:32,111 B-Before the drugs? 431 00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:35,211 Yeah. 432 00:18:36,655 --> 00:18:37,726 Well... 433 00:18:38,577 --> 00:18:39,739 on to the next butt. 434 00:18:39,745 --> 00:18:41,211 Ah. 435 00:18:51,188 --> 00:18:52,720 Hey, Dad. 436 00:18:53,073 --> 00:18:54,873 What are you grinning at? 437 00:18:57,421 --> 00:18:58,860 Nothing. 438 00:18:58,862 --> 00:19:01,262 Come on, everyone's home, waiting to see you. 439 00:19:01,577 --> 00:19:03,320 I just had a damn movie camera up my ass. 440 00:19:03,326 --> 00:19:05,558 I'm moving as fast as I can. 441 00:19:07,804 --> 00:19:11,239 Well, if we time it right, we can finish our mall walk 442 00:19:11,241 --> 00:19:13,016 right when Cinnabon opens. 443 00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:15,874 Hey, guys. 444 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:19,799 What are you doing here? 445 00:19:19,805 --> 00:19:21,807 Just heading down to the mall for a walk. 446 00:19:21,932 --> 00:19:23,348 Are you guys going to the mall, too? 447 00:19:23,354 --> 00:19:24,752 That's lucky. 448 00:19:24,754 --> 00:19:26,714 No, no, no, no, no, this is our thing. 449 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,082 Your thing is fighting, our thing is friends. 450 00:19:29,088 --> 00:19:30,901 I'm going. Mom said I could. 451 00:19:32,010 --> 00:19:33,315 And you know what I have in my pocket? 452 00:19:33,321 --> 00:19:35,088 Three gift cards for Cinnabon. 453 00:19:36,099 --> 00:19:37,499 All right, let him in. 454 00:19:38,256 --> 00:19:40,468 And you know what I have in my other pocket? 455 00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,403 Another gift card for suck it. 456 00:19:42,662 --> 00:19:44,095 Hey, Dad, wait up! 457 00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:49,878 Yeah, Bev, we want you to be able to get around 458 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,340 without depending on, well, me. 459 00:19:52,346 --> 00:19:54,479 Um, and we found a solution. 460 00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:56,452 It's a driving service called Uber. 461 00:19:56,454 --> 00:19:57,820 Uber? 462 00:19:57,822 --> 00:20:00,289 Sounds German. I don't like it. 463 00:20:02,060 --> 00:20:04,427 No, it's an app on your phone. 464 00:20:04,429 --> 00:20:07,096 You press a button and a nice driver comes to you. 465 00:20:07,098 --> 00:20:08,720 How do they know where I am? 466 00:20:08,726 --> 00:20:11,660 I don't want the damn Germans knowing where we are! 467 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,712 World War Three breaks out, I'm on the list! 468 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,047 He's right. 469 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,415 And something's coming. 470 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,863 Things have been too good for too long. 471 00:20:20,869 --> 00:20:23,102 Okay, look, there's not gonna be... you don't have... 472 00:20:23,688 --> 00:20:25,455 look, even if that happens, 473 00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:28,091 I'm pretty sure you're way down on the list. 474 00:20:28,817 --> 00:20:31,361 On the list is on the list. 475 00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:34,965 I am nothing like him. 476 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,300 - Of course not. - Not at all. 477 00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:39,002 - Mm... - Mm... 478 00:20:40,285 --> 00:20:42,314 Oh, jibbeda, jibbeda, jibbeda. 479 00:20:43,145 --> 00:20:48,145 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 479 00:20:49,305 --> 00:20:55,253 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org 34209

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.