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00:01:14,339 --> 00:01:18,643
[Speaking persian]
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00:01:22,980 --> 00:01:26,251
[Chanting in persian]
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00:01:43,968 --> 00:01:46,805
[Chanting continues]
4
00:02:06,924 --> 00:02:08,693
[Screams]
5
00:02:16,233 --> 00:02:19,337
[Program theme music
playing]
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00:02:20,971 --> 00:02:24,776
Today, unnamed sources
discovered the following footage
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00:02:24,809 --> 00:02:25,942
from a website
that calls itself
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00:02:25,976 --> 00:02:28,012
the "Jihadi people's front."
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00:02:28,045 --> 00:02:29,747
I want to warn you,
the images you're about to see
10
00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:31,949
are rather disturbing,
but if you're a true patriot,
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00:02:31,982 --> 00:02:33,818
you won't look away.
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00:02:33,851 --> 00:02:36,655
[Cheering, loops]
13
00:02:39,757 --> 00:02:42,326
Now the crowd behind me
can be seen celebrating
14
00:02:42,359 --> 00:02:44,328
the recent crash
of a U.S. drone,
15
00:02:44,361 --> 00:02:45,897
all the while chanting,
16
00:02:45,930 --> 00:02:49,701
"He's going to America,
he's going to America!"
17
00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:53,805
referring apparently to their
ringleader, this man.
18
00:02:53,838 --> 00:02:55,039
Although we have
no idea who he is
19
00:02:55,072 --> 00:02:56,741
because all of these people
look alike,
20
00:02:56,774 --> 00:02:58,876
unconfirmed sources
have confirmed
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00:02:58,909 --> 00:03:01,879
he is extremely dangerous
and may be intending
22
00:03:01,912 --> 00:03:05,416
on sneaking into America
to perform acts of jihad.
23
00:03:05,449 --> 00:03:07,719
Well, I don't know
about you folks,
24
00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:10,722
but I certainly pray
he doesn't make it.
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00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:27,806
[Gasps]
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00:03:53,898 --> 00:03:55,799
[Chirps]
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00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,805
[Squawking]
28
00:04:03,541 --> 00:04:05,376
[Snarls]
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00:04:06,377 --> 00:04:08,780
[Screeches]
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00:04:24,195 --> 00:04:25,764
[Tires screech]
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00:04:26,964 --> 00:04:29,134
- [Yowls]
- [Buzzes]
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00:04:41,111 --> 00:04:42,447
[Tires screech]
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00:04:46,550 --> 00:04:47,819
[Horn honks]
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00:05:00,631 --> 00:05:02,900
[Squawking]
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00:05:07,938 --> 00:05:09,974
[Bell clangs]
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00:05:20,217 --> 00:05:21,986
[Screams]
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00:05:24,455 --> 00:05:25,935
[Pilot]
This is your captain speaking.
38
00:05:25,956 --> 00:05:28,025
We're entering
American airspace.
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00:05:28,058 --> 00:05:30,228
America, where the
international telephone code
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00:05:30,261 --> 00:05:32,897
is one...
For a reason.
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00:05:38,235 --> 00:05:40,104
- Namaste.
- Namaste!
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00:05:48,379 --> 00:05:50,214
Arigato. Arigato.
Domo arigato.
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00:05:50,247 --> 00:05:52,550
Arigato, Mr. roboto.
Arigato.
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00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:54,419
- [Thumps]
- [All passengers gasp]
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00:05:55,419 --> 00:05:57,889
[Speaking persian]
46
00:06:29,086 --> 00:06:30,955
Jesus Christ.
47
00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:32,790
[Bangs]
48
00:06:32,824 --> 00:06:34,959
- Allah-o-akbar!
- Air Marshall. Freeze!
49
00:06:34,992 --> 00:06:36,928
- [Gasps]
- [Air marshall] Let's roll!
50
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:39,063
- [Thumps]
- [Jimmy] Ow! Watch the nose!
51
00:06:40,331 --> 00:06:43,034
[Agent]
Okay, mister... "Jam-shit"?
52
00:06:43,067 --> 00:06:44,369
Jamshid.
53
00:06:46,170 --> 00:06:48,005
- Jamshit.
- Jamshid.
54
00:06:48,038 --> 00:06:48,973
- Shit.
- Shid.
55
00:06:49,006 --> 00:06:50,941
- Shit.
- Shee-eed.
56
00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:53,144
- Shit.
- Shid.
57
00:06:53,177 --> 00:06:55,713
- Shit...
- Shid...
58
00:06:55,746 --> 00:06:57,414
Shee-it.
59
00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:59,082
Just call me, "Jimmy."
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00:06:59,116 --> 00:07:02,385
okay, Jimmy.
And your last name is...
61
00:07:02,419 --> 00:07:04,087
"Fucked-her-in-da-pool"?
62
00:07:04,121 --> 00:07:06,556
- Fakhredinpour!
- "Fucked-her-in-da-pool"?
63
00:07:06,590 --> 00:07:09,226
- Fakhredinpour!
- "Fach-hh-ed-her-in-da-pool"?
64
00:07:09,259 --> 00:07:11,028
Look, you need to do something
about those names, okay?
65
00:07:11,061 --> 00:07:12,563
It's a little crazy.
66
00:07:12,596 --> 00:07:14,231
So where will you be
staying, Jimmy?
67
00:07:14,264 --> 00:07:17,201
Oh, my cousin, Leila,
has procured an apartment
68
00:07:17,234 --> 00:07:19,203
for us next to her
in vestvood.
69
00:07:19,236 --> 00:07:20,705
You mean, "Westwood,"
Jimmy.
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00:07:20,738 --> 00:07:22,673
- Vest-vood.
- West-wood.
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00:07:22,706 --> 00:07:23,975
- Vestvood.
- "Wuh."
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00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:25,977
- veh, veh...
- Wuh-wuh-wuh.
73
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:28,012
- "World wide web."
- "Vorld vide veb."
74
00:07:28,045 --> 00:07:30,514
- "Wascally wabbit."
- "Vask-Ally vabbit."
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00:07:30,547 --> 00:07:32,650
- "The wild wild west."
- "The vild vild vest."
76
00:07:32,683 --> 00:07:35,252
you know what, forget that.
Okay, what's your occupation?
77
00:07:35,285 --> 00:07:37,588
Oh, no, sir, we are not
here to occupy you.
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00:07:37,621 --> 00:07:39,156
We only come in peace.
79
00:07:39,189 --> 00:07:42,193
No, no. Occupation means,
what work do you do?
80
00:07:42,226 --> 00:07:45,997
Oh! Well, actually I was one
of the top traffic officers
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00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:50,368
in all of Tehran, not to brag.
But I was also working toward
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00:07:50,401 --> 00:07:52,470
becoming a p.I.
So I understand
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00:07:52,503 --> 00:07:54,138
this kind of questioning.
84
00:07:54,171 --> 00:07:56,173
- [Speaking persian]
- English only, ma'am.
85
00:07:56,206 --> 00:07:59,643
- What is "Pee eye"?
- Private investigator.
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00:07:59,676 --> 00:08:01,312
"Private"...
[Speaking persian]
87
00:08:01,345 --> 00:08:04,148
My lifelong dream? I have
told you like a thousand times?
88
00:08:04,181 --> 00:08:06,383
No idea what you are
talking about.
89
00:08:06,417 --> 00:08:08,619
- Ah-hh!
- Ah-hh!
90
00:08:08,652 --> 00:08:10,054
- Eh-hh!
- Eh-hh!
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00:08:10,087 --> 00:08:12,090
[Phone rings]
92
00:08:13,791 --> 00:08:16,360
Yeah?
93
00:08:16,393 --> 00:08:20,164
Okay.
94
00:08:20,197 --> 00:08:22,433
Uh-huh.
95
00:08:22,466 --> 00:08:24,201
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
96
00:08:24,234 --> 00:08:26,037
Okay.
97
00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:28,772
Okay. Okay.
[Chuckles]
98
00:08:28,806 --> 00:08:32,676
Okay. Okay.
99
00:08:32,709 --> 00:08:34,549
- Looks like you two check out.
- [Jimmy sighs]
100
00:08:34,578 --> 00:08:39,049
Word of advice, Jimmy.
People here are on edge, okay?
101
00:08:39,082 --> 00:08:43,054
So I would try to fit in
and try to act less...
102
00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:45,523
What's the word
I'm looking for...?
103
00:08:45,556 --> 00:08:48,225
"Terroristy."
You dig?
104
00:08:48,258 --> 00:08:50,061
Officer, I've been telling
my mother
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00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,196
that ve should only
espeak in English.
106
00:08:52,229 --> 00:08:54,298
- You dig?
- I dig, baba, I dig!
107
00:08:54,331 --> 00:08:57,168
Okay, you dig.
So you are free to go.
108
00:08:57,201 --> 00:09:01,072
- Oh! Allah-o-akbar!
- I said less terroristy!
109
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,606
Officer...
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00:09:02,639 --> 00:09:05,709
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey!
111
00:09:05,742 --> 00:09:08,112
Welcome to America.
112
00:09:15,819 --> 00:09:18,455
Sir, we've reached out
to the iranian
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00:09:18,489 --> 00:09:21,425
Mohammad Mohammad
mohammadi.
114
00:09:21,458 --> 00:09:23,160
And?
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00:09:23,193 --> 00:09:24,627
If we guarantee fifty million,
he'll play ball.
116
00:09:24,661 --> 00:09:28,431
- Guarantee it.
- Yes, sir.
117
00:09:28,465 --> 00:09:31,535
And make sure our congressman
pushes through that resolution
118
00:09:31,568 --> 00:09:33,471
for a pre-emptive strike.
119
00:09:33,504 --> 00:09:36,173
- In progress, sir.
- And the other piece?
120
00:09:36,206 --> 00:09:38,609
Ah, well, do you remember
that story on kox news,
121
00:09:38,642 --> 00:09:40,344
about six months ago?
122
00:09:40,377 --> 00:09:42,880
You mean about that
radical fanatic?
123
00:09:42,913 --> 00:09:46,217
Well, as it turns out,
he's not a radical at all.
124
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,252
Our drones captured
these photos of him.
125
00:09:49,553 --> 00:09:53,257
He's a low-level traffic cop.
A nobody.
126
00:09:53,290 --> 00:09:55,860
He's terrible at his job.
Nobody likes him.
127
00:09:55,893 --> 00:09:57,828
- He's got a sweet tooth.
- Sure, he does.
128
00:09:57,861 --> 00:09:59,330
That's exactly
what he's got.
129
00:09:59,363 --> 00:10:01,699
He has a real penchant
for cotton candy.
130
00:10:01,732 --> 00:10:03,300
He put himself
in a sugar coma, sir.
131
00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:04,802
- Oh, really?
- Yes, sir.
132
00:10:04,835 --> 00:10:06,704
-Oh, you mean this one?
133
00:10:06,737 --> 00:10:08,372
The dog likes him.
134
00:10:08,405 --> 00:10:11,375
The dog likes the sugar, sir.
And the best part is,
135
00:10:11,408 --> 00:10:14,812
after he left Iran,
he moved here to Los Angeles.
136
00:10:14,845 --> 00:10:17,648
- He lives here?
- Yes, sir.
137
00:10:18,749 --> 00:10:21,318
I think we've got our guy.
138
00:10:21,351 --> 00:10:23,254
- Yeah.
- Good work, Karl.
139
00:10:23,287 --> 00:10:24,788
Thank you, sir.
140
00:10:24,821 --> 00:10:27,158
Help yourself
to some jelly beans.
141
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:29,193
[Chuckle]
142
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,530
[Jelly beans clatter]
143
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:38,569
[Clattering]
144
00:10:40,370 --> 00:10:42,173
[Hank shannity on tv]
While publicly maintaining
145
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:44,775
that their nuclear program is
solely for peaceful purposes,
146
00:10:44,808 --> 00:10:46,877
the islamic Republic's
supreme commander
147
00:10:46,910 --> 00:10:49,613
of nuclear proliferation,
Mohammad Mohammad mohammadi,
148
00:10:49,646 --> 00:10:51,915
during a visit to Venezuela,
gave the following speech,
149
00:10:51,949 --> 00:10:53,516
let's look.
150
00:10:53,550 --> 00:10:57,521
If Americans don't estop
their provocative accusations,
151
00:10:57,554 --> 00:11:00,591
ve vill have no choice
but to destroy them.
152
00:11:00,624 --> 00:11:02,660
Ve condemn the great Satan
153
00:11:02,693 --> 00:11:04,328
and ve vill not stand
for their bullying.
154
00:11:04,361 --> 00:11:06,230
Canada.
Always bullying people.
155
00:11:06,263 --> 00:11:08,832
Oh, one more thing.
I hate gays, Jews, and blacks.
156
00:11:08,865 --> 00:11:11,569
Except for magic Johnson--
pre-aids.
157
00:11:11,602 --> 00:11:13,337
Him, I like.
158
00:11:13,370 --> 00:11:14,605
- Thank you.
- I like him, too.
159
00:11:14,638 --> 00:11:16,440
- Oh, I like him, too.
- You like him, too?
160
00:11:16,473 --> 00:11:18,242
- Mm-hmm.
- We have something in common.
161
00:11:18,275 --> 00:11:20,810
Now we at kox news
pride ourselves on the facts,
162
00:11:20,844 --> 00:11:23,314
bringing you the facts
and the truth in our news.
163
00:11:23,347 --> 00:11:24,982
No editorializing
and no fearmongering.
164
00:11:25,015 --> 00:11:26,917
Which is why I can say
with certitude
165
00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:29,386
that, even as we speak,
the iranians are developing
166
00:11:29,419 --> 00:11:30,988
American-exterminating
weapons.
167
00:11:31,021 --> 00:11:33,324
And because they hate us--
they hate our freedoms,
168
00:11:33,357 --> 00:11:35,759
everything we stand for,
our ability to have a family,
169
00:11:35,792 --> 00:11:38,896
they hate our freedoms
to walk with our dogs and
our children at night,
170
00:11:38,929 --> 00:11:41,632
go out on a Sunday
for a walk with our dog
and have a hot dog.
171
00:11:41,665 --> 00:11:43,733
Make no mistake,
your children aren't safe
172
00:11:43,767 --> 00:11:45,336
and your dogs
aren't safe.
173
00:11:45,369 --> 00:11:46,804
Very soon, the bombs
are gonna be in the air.
174
00:11:46,837 --> 00:11:49,406
What's with suede jacket?
Who do you think you are?
175
00:11:49,439 --> 00:11:50,641
Esteve McQueen?
176
00:11:50,674 --> 00:11:52,843
- Ehh.
- Eh?
177
00:11:52,876 --> 00:11:55,012
-Hank shannity is talking.
-Up next, do you use
a cellular phone?
178
00:11:55,045 --> 00:11:56,447
- Yes.
- Chances are good
179
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:57,948
- you're already dying of cancer.
- No.
180
00:11:57,981 --> 00:11:59,817
- We'll be right back.
- Our TV is too small.
181
00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:01,885
Oh, shut up.
182
00:12:01,918 --> 00:12:04,922
- Agh! I was watching!
- Put your uniform on.
183
00:12:04,955 --> 00:12:07,358
I'm not gonna wear that silly
security jacket again.
184
00:12:07,391 --> 00:12:10,627
Don't be a child.
You know how many
strings I pulled
185
00:12:10,661 --> 00:12:12,997
to make mehdi give you
that job in market?
186
00:12:13,030 --> 00:12:15,899
You pulled estrings to get me
a job as a security guard?
187
00:12:15,932 --> 00:12:17,334
- Yes.
- Gee.
188
00:12:17,367 --> 00:12:18,334
Good thing
you're well-connected.
189
00:12:18,368 --> 00:12:19,970
[Maman]
Eh.
190
00:12:20,003 --> 00:12:22,740
I didn't come to this country
to be a security guard.
191
00:12:22,773 --> 00:12:24,942
I came to this country
to be an American hero.
192
00:12:24,975 --> 00:12:26,644
Like esteve McQueen.
193
00:12:26,677 --> 00:12:28,545
"Freeze.
You're under arrest.
194
00:12:28,578 --> 00:12:30,613
You have
the right to an attorney,
you have the right to dance."
195
00:12:30,647 --> 00:12:31,847
- [leila] Hi, maman.
- Oh, hey.
196
00:12:31,848 --> 00:12:33,983
- Hi, cousin Leila.
- Jimmy.
197
00:12:34,017 --> 00:12:35,486
Hi, Leila.
198
00:12:37,654 --> 00:12:40,724
I made these flyers for your
private investigator business.
199
00:12:40,757 --> 00:12:42,925
Leila, this is
fantastic.
200
00:12:42,959 --> 00:12:45,396
- What is it?
- Here you go.
201
00:12:45,429 --> 00:12:48,732
Huh.
This is upside down.
202
00:12:48,765 --> 00:12:50,668
Oh, no, no.
203
00:12:50,701 --> 00:12:54,305
Oh. Who is this
"Jimmy vestvood"?
204
00:12:54,338 --> 00:12:57,473
That's my new American name.
It came to me in a dream.
205
00:12:57,507 --> 00:13:00,010
Jamshid, this private
investigator
206
00:13:00,043 --> 00:13:01,945
is very dangerous
business.
207
00:13:01,978 --> 00:13:04,915
And you,
please don't push him
208
00:13:04,948 --> 00:13:07,751
with this Jimmy
vestvood dreams. Eh.
209
00:13:07,784 --> 00:13:10,321
She's alvays squashing
my dreams, this one.
210
00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:12,356
- I tell you.
- I know.
211
00:13:12,389 --> 00:13:13,657
You know, Leila,
I like what you did here.
212
00:13:13,690 --> 00:13:15,993
I just wish you would have
shown my hair.
213
00:13:16,026 --> 00:13:18,362
What hair?
214
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:21,765
I like it.
215
00:13:21,798 --> 00:13:24,768
Yes, I'm just saying,
you know, it's in a little bit
216
00:13:24,801 --> 00:13:27,071
of a recession,
you know, like the economy.
217
00:13:27,104 --> 00:13:29,507
[Persian pop music
playing]
218
00:13:56,633 --> 00:13:58,636
[Car horn beeps]
219
00:14:06,143 --> 00:14:08,812
Jimmy vestvood, private
investigator, at your service.
220
00:14:08,845 --> 00:14:10,614
- [Passerby] No.
- Thank you very much.
221
00:14:10,647 --> 00:14:12,483
Jimmy vestvood, at your
service, private inves--
222
00:14:12,516 --> 00:14:13,836
- [man] No.
- Thank you very much.
223
00:14:13,850 --> 00:14:15,386
Thanks for considering.
Thank you.
224
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:18,055
Jimmy vestvood,
private investigator.
225
00:14:18,088 --> 00:14:22,425
Private investigator?
So, you help find things?
226
00:14:22,459 --> 00:14:24,728
Yes, sir, I do.
How can I be of help?
227
00:14:24,761 --> 00:14:27,397
Can you help me
228
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:30,434
find my quarter?
229
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:33,704
It's right there.
230
00:14:33,737 --> 00:14:36,439
Oh, you're good.
You're good.
231
00:14:36,473 --> 00:14:39,776
Hey Jimmy, can you
investigate us a dime bag?
232
00:14:39,810 --> 00:14:41,578
Can you find me
an Asian woman?
233
00:14:41,611 --> 00:14:43,171
Yo, dawg, hook me up
with a record deal.
234
00:14:43,180 --> 00:14:44,680
[Rapping]
♪ I'm persian like a cat ♪
235
00:14:44,714 --> 00:14:46,717
♪ do you like my hat?
That's my brother, Matt. ♪
236
00:14:46,750 --> 00:14:48,552
- Investigate that.
- Jamshid.
237
00:14:48,585 --> 00:14:52,123
What do you think you're doing?
Come walk with me.
238
00:14:53,590 --> 00:14:55,559
[Mehdi]
Passing out flyers
on my time?
239
00:14:55,592 --> 00:14:58,562
This is very selfish.
And don't you forget,
240
00:14:58,595 --> 00:15:00,964
if it wasn't for me
to give you job,
241
00:15:00,997 --> 00:15:04,435
you would be back home
in Iran in prison.
242
00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:05,702
- Why would I be in prison?
- Pshh.
243
00:15:05,735 --> 00:15:08,205
Do you think they need
to have a reason
244
00:15:08,238 --> 00:15:10,607
- to put you in prison in Iran?
- Good point.
245
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:13,076
But it doesn't even make
a difference, Mr. mehdi.
246
00:15:13,109 --> 00:15:14,745
These people all just
want wishy-washy favors.
247
00:15:14,778 --> 00:15:16,480
They don't even get
what a p.I. Does.
248
00:15:16,513 --> 00:15:18,949
And no offense, Mr. mehdi,
but I did not come to America
249
00:15:18,982 --> 00:15:20,751
to work at a persian
supermarket.
250
00:15:20,784 --> 00:15:23,787
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You should be grateful
251
00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:26,790
that you have a place
to work in this economy.
252
00:15:26,823 --> 00:15:28,559
Ask Rick.
He'll tell you.
253
00:15:28,592 --> 00:15:31,528
Dude, I'm white, good-looking,
I have a ph.D in economics
254
00:15:31,561 --> 00:15:33,764
from Harvard and this
is the best job I've had
255
00:15:33,797 --> 00:15:35,599
- since graduating.
- Okay, do it again,
256
00:15:35,632 --> 00:15:37,633
and this time,
use more elbow doctor.
257
00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:39,536
Elbow grease.
258
00:15:39,569 --> 00:15:41,137
"Ph.D."
259
00:15:42,639 --> 00:15:45,709
- prick.
- [Mehdi] I heard that.
260
00:15:45,742 --> 00:15:49,613
That's for my
little baby, ooh...
261
00:15:49,646 --> 00:15:51,449
Hey, you open it,
you buy it.
262
00:15:52,916 --> 00:15:55,652
- Homayoun?
- Dad. Hey.
263
00:15:55,685 --> 00:15:58,222
Jamshid, you remember
my son?
264
00:15:58,255 --> 00:16:01,658
Homayoun? The last time
I saw you, you were
a little boy.
265
00:16:01,691 --> 00:16:03,093
What happened?
266
00:16:03,126 --> 00:16:05,863
- Puberty?
- [All laugh]
267
00:16:05,896 --> 00:16:09,199
- That was 20 years ago.
- Wow.
268
00:16:09,232 --> 00:16:11,935
And now he's getting
married to homeira joon.
269
00:16:11,968 --> 00:16:15,539
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.
270
00:16:15,572 --> 00:16:18,542
[Homeira, Jimmy laugh]
271
00:16:18,575 --> 00:16:19,610
You look so happy.
272
00:16:19,643 --> 00:16:22,079
Yeah.
She's always happy.
273
00:16:22,112 --> 00:16:23,881
And once they are married,
274
00:16:23,914 --> 00:16:26,783
he's gonna take over
the business.
275
00:16:26,816 --> 00:16:29,286
Dad. We talked about this.
276
00:16:29,319 --> 00:16:31,288
I don't want to be
a butcher.
277
00:16:31,321 --> 00:16:32,856
I mean,
I'm a vegetarian.
278
00:16:32,889 --> 00:16:34,558
Don't be a pussy.
279
00:16:34,591 --> 00:16:37,528
No offense to you, homeira joon.
I like pussy.
280
00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:40,564
Okay.
[Brays]
281
00:16:40,597 --> 00:16:43,667
Son, I promised your mother
on her deathbed
282
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:47,271
that you're going
to take over this
butcher empire.
283
00:16:52,609 --> 00:16:54,211
- Homayoun?
- Mh-hmm?
284
00:16:54,244 --> 00:16:57,080
It's you.
Don't break my heart.
285
00:16:57,113 --> 00:16:58,582
Don't break my heart.
286
00:16:58,615 --> 00:17:00,584
Okay, okay, dad.
Let's take it easy, okay?
287
00:17:00,617 --> 00:17:02,953
- It's okay sir, it's okay.
- It's gonna be okay, dad.
288
00:17:02,986 --> 00:17:06,189
Mr. mehdi, come back.
Come back.
289
00:17:06,222 --> 00:17:08,692
Okay... okay.
290
00:17:08,724 --> 00:17:11,561
Congratulations
on the wedding.
291
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:12,596
Stay happy.
292
00:17:12,628 --> 00:17:14,631
[Braying]
293
00:17:17,067 --> 00:17:20,704
So, how is your mother?
294
00:17:20,737 --> 00:17:23,106
She's good, thanks god.
She's good.
295
00:17:23,138 --> 00:17:25,908
Well, I tell you what.
If you convince her
296
00:17:25,942 --> 00:17:27,711
to go on a date with me,
297
00:17:27,743 --> 00:17:31,214
I will let you
pass out your flyers.
298
00:17:31,247 --> 00:17:33,750
Mr. mehdi, I'm not gonna
pimp out my own mother.
299
00:17:33,783 --> 00:17:36,053
You're not pimping her out.
I just want to take her
300
00:17:36,086 --> 00:17:37,588
out for a Starbucks.
301
00:17:37,621 --> 00:17:40,090
You scratch my balls,
I scratch yours.
302
00:17:40,123 --> 00:17:41,758
I'm pretty sure
it's "Back."
303
00:17:41,791 --> 00:17:43,793
well, my back
is not itching.
304
00:17:45,295 --> 00:17:47,998
Okay, you got a deal.
I scratch your balls.
305
00:17:48,031 --> 00:17:50,701
Okay, I will give her
my beef.
306
00:17:50,734 --> 00:17:53,704
She's gonna love it.
307
00:17:53,737 --> 00:17:56,707
And, I will
throw in my bone.
308
00:17:58,642 --> 00:18:00,277
[Crow cawing]
309
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,952
[Man]
Mr. Westwood.
310
00:18:08,985 --> 00:18:10,654
At your service.
311
00:18:10,687 --> 00:18:13,255
I understand you're
a private investigator.
312
00:18:13,289 --> 00:18:15,792
- Yes, I am.
- I may have a job for you.
313
00:18:15,825 --> 00:18:18,295
- What kind of job?
- Please, get in.
314
00:18:24,134 --> 00:18:25,769
Mr. Westwood?
315
00:18:27,037 --> 00:18:30,641
Mr. Westwood?
Mr. Westwood. Hey.
316
00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:32,743
- Ugh!
- Sorry. Sir.
317
00:18:32,776 --> 00:18:34,277
Get in. Plug the nose.
Sorry, sir.
318
00:18:34,310 --> 00:18:36,213
- Oh, god.
- Let me get that for you.
319
00:18:36,246 --> 00:18:37,948
- Oh-hh!
- Sorry, sir.
320
00:18:47,957 --> 00:18:51,328
Oh, wow.
A big-screen TV.
321
00:18:51,361 --> 00:18:53,930
This is
the American dream.
322
00:18:53,963 --> 00:18:56,166
Mr. Monroe will be
with you in a moment.
323
00:18:56,199 --> 00:18:58,101
Can I get you a cocktail
while you wait?
324
00:18:58,134 --> 00:19:00,370
Yes. Tea.
325
00:19:00,403 --> 00:19:04,074
Hot tea.
Stirred, not shaking.
326
00:19:04,107 --> 00:19:05,776
- Shaken, not stirred...
- [Laughs]
327
00:19:07,343 --> 00:19:08,679
Oh.
328
00:19:13,049 --> 00:19:16,720
Hello, deer.
I would not shoot you.
329
00:19:19,189 --> 00:19:20,958
[Yelps]
330
00:19:34,370 --> 00:19:36,706
Hello?
331
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:37,908
[Man]
Mr. Westwood?
332
00:19:37,941 --> 00:19:40,210
- [Gasps]
- [Man] Over here.
333
00:19:40,243 --> 00:19:42,379
Oh, sorry,
I was just practicing
334
00:19:42,412 --> 00:19:44,247
- my investigator techniques.
- J.P. Monroe.
335
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,049
Nice to meet you.
336
00:19:46,082 --> 00:19:48,218
Don't mind him.
That's just some liberal
337
00:19:48,251 --> 00:19:49,887
I shot in the head once.
338
00:19:51,221 --> 00:19:54,391
[Laughs]
Just kidding.
339
00:19:54,424 --> 00:19:56,293
Oh!
[Laughs]
340
00:19:56,326 --> 00:19:58,361
You're just kidding.
341
00:19:58,394 --> 00:20:00,364
No, I did. I shot him.
342
00:20:01,998 --> 00:20:03,967
Just kiddin'.
[Laughs]
343
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,902
[Nervous laughing]
344
00:20:05,935 --> 00:20:08,839
No.
I did. I shot him.
345
00:20:10,073 --> 00:20:12,409
[Both laugh]
346
00:20:13,910 --> 00:20:15,345
Just kidding.
347
00:20:15,378 --> 00:20:18,415
Oh,
you're kidding again.
348
00:20:18,448 --> 00:20:20,917
- He died of natural causes.
- Oh, good.
349
00:20:20,950 --> 00:20:22,152
Right after I shot him
in the head.
350
00:20:22,185 --> 00:20:23,486
Not good.
351
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,200
You don't mind if I call you
Jimmy, do you?
352
00:20:25,221 --> 00:20:27,224
- At your service.
- You're not a liberal?
353
00:20:27,257 --> 00:20:29,860
I don't even know
what that means.
354
00:20:32,529 --> 00:20:35,465
Here, sir.
Stirred, not shaken.
355
00:20:35,498 --> 00:20:37,501
Thank you, Mr. Karl.
Thank you very much.
356
00:20:37,534 --> 00:20:40,303
- Very appreciate your efforts.
- Sure.
357
00:20:40,336 --> 00:20:44,541
♪ Oh, ho, ho,
it's magic ♪
358
00:20:44,574 --> 00:20:47,778
♪ you know ♪
359
00:20:47,811 --> 00:20:51,348
♪ never believe
it's not so ♪
360
00:20:51,381 --> 00:20:54,017
♪ it's magic ♪
361
00:20:54,050 --> 00:20:57,087
♪ you know ♪
362
00:20:57,120 --> 00:21:00,256
♪ never believe
it's not so. ♪
363
00:21:00,290 --> 00:21:01,792
- [Cup clatters]
- [Screams]
364
00:21:01,825 --> 00:21:04,394
Just stop it. Stop. Stop.
[Gasps]
365
00:21:04,427 --> 00:21:06,963
Hello, I'm Marcy.
366
00:21:06,996 --> 00:21:08,498
Marcy Monroe.
367
00:21:08,531 --> 00:21:11,568
I'm Jimmy.
Jimmy vestvood.
368
00:21:11,601 --> 00:21:15,072
Like Clint eastvood,
but vestvood.
369
00:21:16,239 --> 00:21:19,076
[Squeaks]
370
00:21:27,016 --> 00:21:30,387
The pleasure's all mine,
Mr. Westwood.
371
00:21:30,420 --> 00:21:33,356
Oh, no, no, I insist.
The pleasure is mine.
372
00:21:33,389 --> 00:21:36,892
No, no, I insist.
The pleasure is all mine.
373
00:21:36,926 --> 00:21:38,829
No, you see,
I cannot accept that
374
00:21:38,862 --> 00:21:40,397
because where I come from,
375
00:21:40,430 --> 00:21:42,933
the pleasure between us?
It must be all mine.
376
00:21:42,966 --> 00:21:45,267
Well, I'm a modern
American woman
377
00:21:45,301 --> 00:21:48,538
and this is America,
so the pleasure will
have to be mine.
378
00:21:48,571 --> 00:21:52,442
Okay, okay, fine.
The pleasure is all... mine.
379
00:21:52,475 --> 00:21:54,511
["Star-spangled banner"
Ringtone plays]
380
00:21:54,544 --> 00:21:57,480
Oh. Sorry,
that's my phone.
381
00:21:57,513 --> 00:22:00,851
Oh, "Blocked number"?
Curious who that could be.
382
00:22:00,884 --> 00:22:02,485
- Hold on.
- [Beeps]
383
00:22:02,518 --> 00:22:04,554
Hello?
384
00:22:04,587 --> 00:22:07,023
Maman?
Maman, I'm busy.
385
00:22:07,056 --> 00:22:09,626
Yes, maman, I ate
my vegetables today.
386
00:22:09,659 --> 00:22:11,428
No, I did not find
a vife.
387
00:22:11,461 --> 00:22:13,997
[Whispers]
He smells like beef.
388
00:22:14,030 --> 00:22:17,033
Sorry about that.
Very important client.
389
00:22:17,066 --> 00:22:18,635
So, vere vas ve?
390
00:22:18,668 --> 00:22:21,271
Honey, why don't you go get
your hair done or something?
391
00:22:21,304 --> 00:22:23,440
Mr. Westwood and I have
some business to discuss.
392
00:22:23,473 --> 00:22:25,309
Okay.
393
00:22:29,412 --> 00:22:31,948
You like staring at my wife,
don't ya, jimbo?
394
00:22:31,981 --> 00:22:33,984
- Yes.
- [Laughs]
395
00:22:34,017 --> 00:22:35,652
Oh, no, I mean,
no, sir. No. No.
396
00:22:35,685 --> 00:22:37,053
Oh, it's okay.
397
00:22:37,086 --> 00:22:40,023
Many, many men enjoy staring
at my old lady.
398
00:22:40,056 --> 00:22:43,126
Which is part of the reason why
I brought you here today, Jim.
399
00:22:43,159 --> 00:22:45,095
The reason
I wanna hire you, jimbo,
400
00:22:45,128 --> 00:22:47,429
is because I think that
my wife is having an affair
401
00:22:47,463 --> 00:22:49,599
with an a-rab,
if you can imagine.
402
00:22:49,632 --> 00:22:51,134
And what better way
to catch an a-rab
403
00:22:51,167 --> 00:22:54,271
than with another a-rab--
in the act?
404
00:22:54,304 --> 00:22:57,474
Good point, sir. Very good
point, very good point.
405
00:22:57,507 --> 00:23:02,112
But sir, just fyi,
I am actually not arab.
406
00:23:02,145 --> 00:23:04,047
I'm actually from Iran.
407
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,016
"Iraqi, irani, kiss my Fanny."
What do I know?
408
00:23:07,050 --> 00:23:09,653
You know these people.
You know how this guy thinks,
409
00:23:09,686 --> 00:23:13,055
where he goes, what he does.
Follow them.
410
00:23:13,089 --> 00:23:15,492
Find out if my wife
is having an affair.
411
00:23:15,525 --> 00:23:17,527
Karl?
412
00:23:19,162 --> 00:23:23,199
There's $2500 in this envelope,
all right? It's yours.
413
00:23:23,232 --> 00:23:25,268
And there's plenty more
where this comes from
414
00:23:25,301 --> 00:23:27,604
if you think you can
get the job done.
415
00:23:27,637 --> 00:23:29,371
Oh, yes, sir,
I can get the job done.
416
00:23:29,405 --> 00:23:31,241
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
417
00:23:38,181 --> 00:23:39,416
[Yelps]
418
00:23:41,084 --> 00:23:43,153
Leila. You escared me.
How did you get in here?
419
00:23:43,186 --> 00:23:45,655
Easy. I let myself in
by squeezing through
420
00:23:45,688 --> 00:23:47,691
the bathroom window
after jumping off
the fire escape
421
00:23:47,724 --> 00:23:50,092
of the adjacent building.
422
00:23:50,126 --> 00:23:52,963
Jimmy. I have to
tell you something.
423
00:23:52,996 --> 00:23:54,264
This isn't easy
for me to say,
424
00:23:54,297 --> 00:23:56,299
but there's no better time
than the now.
425
00:23:56,332 --> 00:24:01,137
Ever since we were kids,
I've had the craziest
crush on you.
426
00:24:01,170 --> 00:24:02,706
There's just
something about you.
427
00:24:02,739 --> 00:24:06,009
You're so pure,
so innocent.
428
00:24:06,042 --> 00:24:07,677
I mean,
look at your face.
429
00:24:07,710 --> 00:24:10,213
You even have
deer-like features.
430
00:24:10,246 --> 00:24:13,984
- Deers are creatures?
- No. Deer-like features.
431
00:24:14,017 --> 00:24:15,318
You had a deer
for a teacher?
432
00:24:15,351 --> 00:24:16,619
No!
433
00:24:16,652 --> 00:24:19,055
I can't hear a vord
you're saying!
434
00:24:19,088 --> 00:24:20,557
What about the deers?
435
00:24:20,590 --> 00:24:22,192
- What I'm trying to say is--
- wait, Leila,
436
00:24:22,225 --> 00:24:24,026
you have to hear this.
Come here, come here.
437
00:24:24,060 --> 00:24:26,162
I'm sorry, Leila, I have
something to tell you.
438
00:24:26,195 --> 00:24:28,532
- Wait, where's maman?
- She's sleeping.
439
00:24:30,199 --> 00:24:32,302
Anyway, I got my first
big case today.
440
00:24:32,335 --> 00:24:34,104
Yeah? What is it?
441
00:24:34,137 --> 00:24:37,173
This big shot American client
wants me to follow his wife
442
00:24:37,206 --> 00:24:38,274
to see if she's
cheating on him.
443
00:24:38,307 --> 00:24:39,642
Ooh.
444
00:24:39,675 --> 00:24:43,513
And she is hot.
Super-duper hot.
445
00:24:43,546 --> 00:24:45,248
- Just sexy--
- congratulations.
446
00:24:45,281 --> 00:24:48,018
Thanks. But not a word
to maman, okay?
447
00:24:48,051 --> 00:24:49,686
Because I don't want her
to think
448
00:24:49,719 --> 00:24:51,688
that I'm ignoring
my job at the market.
449
00:24:51,721 --> 00:24:54,624
Sure. I won't
tell her anything.
450
00:24:54,657 --> 00:24:58,261
Hey, I have an idea.
What if I was your sidekick?
451
00:24:58,294 --> 00:25:00,764
No, that's the worst idea
I have ever heard in my life.
452
00:25:02,165 --> 00:25:04,033
I mean, it's just
not a good idea.
453
00:25:04,067 --> 00:25:05,635
It's very dangerous.
You can't be involved
with that.
454
00:25:05,668 --> 00:25:08,303
But I could totally help you.
I could drive you in my car,
455
00:25:08,337 --> 00:25:10,340
I have a magnifying glass
and everything.
456
00:25:10,373 --> 00:25:13,143
Besides, I'm totally bored
at my dad's pharmacy.
457
00:25:13,176 --> 00:25:15,645
How many urinary tract
infections can I cure?
458
00:25:15,678 --> 00:25:18,114
[Mocking]
"I got uti, I got uti.
I got uti."
459
00:25:18,147 --> 00:25:21,283
just drink the damn
cranberry juice.
460
00:25:21,317 --> 00:25:23,186
Okay, calm down.
461
00:25:23,219 --> 00:25:25,622
I'll drink it.
462
00:25:25,655 --> 00:25:29,492
Thanks for the offer,
but I have trained for
this line of work.
463
00:25:29,525 --> 00:25:31,495
You can't just get into it
like it's no big deal.
464
00:25:32,628 --> 00:25:34,330
That's the--
the point is,
465
00:25:34,363 --> 00:25:38,168
I don't need a sidekick.
Good night.
466
00:25:41,537 --> 00:25:44,808
Good night for now,
Jimmy vestvood.
467
00:25:44,841 --> 00:25:47,110
But you're gonna need
a sidekick,
468
00:25:47,143 --> 00:25:50,814
and you're gonna
get one whether you
like it or not.
469
00:25:50,847 --> 00:25:52,049
Shh-hh!
470
00:25:53,349 --> 00:25:55,585
[Jimmy] Saturday,
10:11 A.M., Malibu beach.
471
00:25:55,618 --> 00:25:57,287
Very private area.
472
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,823
V-v-v-vip.
Top of the line.
473
00:26:00,857 --> 00:26:03,627
I vill gonna go
deep undercover.
474
00:26:15,304 --> 00:26:17,207
[Man]
Hey, watch it!
475
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,476
Sorry. Excuse me.
476
00:26:19,509 --> 00:26:20,844
Take care.
Have a nice day.
477
00:26:20,877 --> 00:26:22,546
You're kicking sand
in my eyes.
478
00:26:40,363 --> 00:26:42,132
Agh!
479
00:26:42,165 --> 00:26:44,167
[Coughs]
Oh, Jimmy.
480
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,169
- Homayoun?
- Jimmy. Hi.
481
00:26:46,202 --> 00:26:51,174
Uh, Jimmy. This is Freddy.
My friend.
482
00:26:51,207 --> 00:26:52,909
Freddy, meet Jimmy.
483
00:26:52,942 --> 00:26:55,278
Nice to meet you, Freddy.
Hi. Nice to--
484
00:26:55,311 --> 00:26:57,280
homayoun,
what's going on here?
485
00:26:57,313 --> 00:27:00,750
What do you mean?
I mean, what's going on
with you?
486
00:27:00,783 --> 00:27:04,187
Oh, with me?
I'm here on a case.
487
00:27:04,220 --> 00:27:08,158
As a private investigator.
I did it.
488
00:27:08,191 --> 00:27:10,727
But don't tell your dad, okay?
He would fire me.
489
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,562
And vorse,
he would tell my mother.
490
00:27:12,595 --> 00:27:15,231
We wouldn't
want that now, uh-hh...
491
00:27:15,264 --> 00:27:19,269
You know what, I won't tell
if you won't tell, huh?
492
00:27:19,302 --> 00:27:22,572
Oh-hh, yeah.
Don't vorry, homayoun,
493
00:27:22,605 --> 00:27:24,908
your secret is safe
with me, okay?
494
00:27:24,941 --> 00:27:28,444
You know, in our community,
being a private investigator
495
00:27:28,477 --> 00:27:30,647
is almost as bad
as being gay.
496
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:31,915
So I know
what you're going through.
497
00:27:31,948 --> 00:27:33,249
[Laughing]
What?
498
00:27:33,282 --> 00:27:35,251
It must be hard
to have a gay lover.
499
00:27:35,284 --> 00:27:37,220
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
500
00:27:37,253 --> 00:27:39,322
I'm talking about him,
Freddy, your gay lover.
501
00:27:39,355 --> 00:27:40,590
- What?
- This guy. Freddy.
502
00:27:40,623 --> 00:27:41,891
- The black guy.
- Yeah.
503
00:27:41,924 --> 00:27:43,526
You have gay sex with?
In the butt?
504
00:27:43,559 --> 00:27:44,894
Okay, okay.
We know how it works.
505
00:27:44,927 --> 00:27:47,197
- I'm talking about him.
- Okay.
506
00:27:47,230 --> 00:27:50,400
It's not right, homayoun,
that you can't be you.
507
00:27:50,433 --> 00:27:52,735
You know, you should
be you, okay?
508
00:27:52,768 --> 00:27:55,371
If you are gay,
you should be gay.
If you're not gay,
509
00:27:55,404 --> 00:27:58,875
then don't be gay.
Who am I to judge?
510
00:27:58,908 --> 00:28:00,877
Listen, homayoun,
what I'm trying to say is,
511
00:28:00,910 --> 00:28:03,613
don't ask, don't tell.
512
00:28:03,646 --> 00:28:05,648
If you see something,
say something.
513
00:28:05,681 --> 00:28:07,951
Ask not what your country
will gonna do for you,
514
00:28:07,984 --> 00:28:10,720
but what your country
will gonna do for you.
515
00:28:10,753 --> 00:28:13,656
Homayoun, be gay.
You're a gay angel.
516
00:28:13,689 --> 00:28:15,291
You're a "Gayngel."
517
00:28:15,324 --> 00:28:17,227
some of the worst people
I know are straight.
518
00:28:17,260 --> 00:28:18,761
Agh!
519
00:28:18,794 --> 00:28:21,331
It's time for you to climb
out of the cabinet.
520
00:28:21,364 --> 00:28:22,765
You mean come out
of the closet?
521
00:28:22,798 --> 00:28:25,301
Climb, if you
have to jump, hike,
522
00:28:25,334 --> 00:28:27,770
do it,
whatever it takes.
Think about that.
523
00:28:27,803 --> 00:28:29,305
Yeah, you should
put that on the card.
524
00:28:29,338 --> 00:28:31,241
I'm so happy we had
this time to talk.
525
00:28:31,274 --> 00:28:32,809
I have to go, guys.
526
00:28:32,842 --> 00:28:34,644
- Thank you for the advice.
- Shh.
527
00:28:38,381 --> 00:28:40,583
Oh my god, I am so sorry.
528
00:28:40,616 --> 00:28:42,452
You know what?
It's your turn, huh?
529
00:28:42,485 --> 00:28:44,286
Here we go.
530
00:28:56,299 --> 00:28:58,434
Mr. Westwood?
531
00:28:58,467 --> 00:29:00,970
[Chuckles]
Mrs. Monroe?
532
00:29:01,003 --> 00:29:03,473
- Mr. Westwood.
- What a surprise.
533
00:29:03,506 --> 00:29:05,308
Well, I'm surprised
to see you too.
534
00:29:05,341 --> 00:29:07,909
Well, this is my friend, malek.
He's from Arabia.
535
00:29:07,943 --> 00:29:09,912
Hi, sir, how are you?
536
00:29:09,945 --> 00:29:12,348
Alhamdulillah,
alhamdulillah.
537
00:29:12,381 --> 00:29:16,286
- Salaam-alaikum.
- Ah, alaikum assalam.
538
00:29:16,319 --> 00:29:17,787
Schwarma.
539
00:29:17,820 --> 00:29:19,922
- Baba ganoush.
- Pita bread.
540
00:29:19,955 --> 00:29:22,391
So, what is it
you're doing here?
541
00:29:22,425 --> 00:29:25,294
Me? Eh, you know,
on the weekends
542
00:29:25,328 --> 00:29:27,330
I work as a lifeguard.
543
00:29:27,363 --> 00:29:30,733
- Oh, you're a lifeguard?
- Yes. I save the lives.
544
00:29:30,766 --> 00:29:32,302
[Man]
Help me. I'm drowning!
545
00:29:32,335 --> 00:29:33,903
Help. Help me.
546
00:29:33,936 --> 00:29:35,737
- Shouldn't you help that man?
- What man?
547
00:29:35,771 --> 00:29:38,041
That man. He's drowning.
You just said you're
a lifeguard.
548
00:29:38,074 --> 00:29:40,476
Oh, no, you see...
549
00:29:40,509 --> 00:29:42,879
He's not in my tower
jurisdiction.
550
00:29:42,912 --> 00:29:44,480
I work in tower number 5
551
00:29:44,513 --> 00:29:46,849
and he is drowning
in tower number 6.
552
00:29:46,882 --> 00:29:49,042
You know if I tried to help him,
my boss would kill me.
553
00:29:49,785 --> 00:29:51,421
[Lifeguard blows on whistle]
554
00:29:51,454 --> 00:29:55,091
Brett, that guy's been
calling you for an hour. Ach!
555
00:29:55,124 --> 00:29:58,461
Looks like
Brett has it covered.
So where were we?
556
00:29:59,729 --> 00:30:04,534
[Middle eastern
rap music playing]
557
00:30:12,375 --> 00:30:14,778
[Malek]
I go for exercise.
558
00:30:17,446 --> 00:30:19,081
[Marcy]
Mr. Westwood?
559
00:30:19,115 --> 00:30:22,418
Mr. Westwood? Jimmy?
560
00:30:22,451 --> 00:30:24,787
- Hi.
- Hi.
561
00:30:24,820 --> 00:30:29,492
Would you be a doll and rub
this lotion all over my back?
562
00:30:29,525 --> 00:30:33,396
Sure, I can be a doll.
They call me "Jimmy doll."
563
00:30:33,429 --> 00:30:36,733
- I bet they do.
- On the veekends.
564
00:30:36,766 --> 00:30:38,401
- [Both laughing]
- Right there.
565
00:30:38,434 --> 00:30:43,373
- Oh. Oh, Mr. Westwood.
- What?
566
00:30:43,406 --> 00:30:46,109
- Oh, that feels really good.
- Oh, yeah?
567
00:30:46,142 --> 00:30:49,078
Oh, Mr. Westwood, that feels
so good, don't you stop.
568
00:30:49,111 --> 00:30:51,114
Don't you stop,
that's the spot right there.
569
00:30:51,147 --> 00:30:53,850
Oh, Mr. Westwood,
that feels so good.
570
00:30:53,883 --> 00:30:56,419
[Moans]
571
00:30:56,452 --> 00:30:58,388
Mrs. Monroe,
we're in public.
572
00:30:58,421 --> 00:31:02,125
Oh, Mr. Westwood, I just can't
stop thinking of you.
573
00:31:02,158 --> 00:31:07,096
Oh, what is it about
you middle eastern men
that's so...
574
00:31:07,129 --> 00:31:08,430
Irresistible?
575
00:31:08,464 --> 00:31:11,768
What?
But you're married,
576
00:31:11,801 --> 00:31:13,870
and you have
a boyfriend.
577
00:31:13,903 --> 00:31:15,705
- I know.
- Oh-hh!
578
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,443
I know, but you're so dark
and exotic and... hairy.
579
00:31:20,476 --> 00:31:22,712
Oh, yes, I'm very hairy.
Very hairy.
580
00:31:22,745 --> 00:31:24,714
Oh, yes, very, very hairy.
Very hairy.
581
00:31:24,747 --> 00:31:28,117
But if j.P. Ever found out
about us, he'd kill us both.
582
00:31:28,150 --> 00:31:29,952
- Oh, don't kill me.
- [Leila] Jimmy.
583
00:31:29,985 --> 00:31:32,088
Leila?
584
00:31:32,121 --> 00:31:33,923
What are you doing here?
585
00:31:33,956 --> 00:31:36,859
Oh, I'm just jogging
at the beach.
586
00:31:36,892 --> 00:31:40,563
And you, Jimmy?
What are you doing here?
587
00:31:40,596 --> 00:31:43,065
You know, I'm just doing
the usual, you know,
588
00:31:43,098 --> 00:31:46,436
guarding lives
at tower number five.
589
00:31:49,738 --> 00:31:52,708
Ah. I have good exercise.
[Coughs]
590
00:31:52,741 --> 00:31:54,710
- Good exercise.
- Congratulations.
591
00:31:54,743 --> 00:31:56,779
I feel invigorated.
592
00:31:56,812 --> 00:32:00,216
Okay, well, I should probably
get back to--
593
00:32:00,249 --> 00:32:02,718
Leila. You should get back
to jogging.
594
00:32:02,751 --> 00:32:05,521
Oh. Yeah.
595
00:32:05,554 --> 00:32:09,959
I'm gonna get back to my jog.
Bye, everyone.
596
00:32:12,127 --> 00:32:13,930
Okay, bye.
597
00:32:32,615 --> 00:32:34,584
This will grow
your hair
598
00:32:34,617 --> 00:32:37,587
and you will look
like esteve McQueen.
599
00:32:37,620 --> 00:32:39,856
[Shannity]
Sir, do you have
a nuclear program?
600
00:32:39,889 --> 00:32:43,158
I don't know.
Do you have a nuclear program?
601
00:32:43,192 --> 00:32:45,661
Are you asking if America
has a nuclear program?
602
00:32:45,694 --> 00:32:48,731
No. I am asking if you
have a nuclear program.
603
00:32:48,764 --> 00:32:50,832
Do I have a nuclear program?
604
00:32:50,866 --> 00:32:52,869
Do you nuclear program?
605
00:32:52,902 --> 00:32:54,871
How would I
have a nuclear program?
606
00:32:54,904 --> 00:32:56,839
How would you
have a nuclear program?
607
00:32:56,872 --> 00:32:58,674
Are you sure this
is gonna vork?
608
00:32:58,707 --> 00:33:02,078
Of course. This is one
of the old persian recipe.
609
00:33:02,111 --> 00:33:05,248
It fix everything.
Where is my mayonnaise?
610
00:33:05,281 --> 00:33:07,015
Are you repeating
everything I say?
611
00:33:07,049 --> 00:33:08,618
Am I repeating
everything you say?
612
00:33:08,651 --> 00:33:09,886
You can't just repeat
everything I say.
613
00:33:09,919 --> 00:33:11,854
I cannot repeat
everything you say.
614
00:33:11,887 --> 00:33:13,723
Espeaking of mayonnaise,
615
00:33:13,756 --> 00:33:15,625
have you thought about
going on a date with mehdi?
616
00:33:15,658 --> 00:33:19,160
- Are you trying to set me up?
- This is America.
617
00:33:19,194 --> 00:33:20,830
We have
to americanize now
618
00:33:20,863 --> 00:33:22,532
and be open-minded.
619
00:33:22,565 --> 00:33:24,967
Besides, you are a vidow,
he is a vidower,
620
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,169
it's a great match.
Just think about it.
621
00:33:27,202 --> 00:33:29,071
Okay, baba.
I think about it.
622
00:33:29,104 --> 00:33:32,975
Why don't you think about
going out on date with Leila?
623
00:33:33,008 --> 00:33:36,913
Maman, that is disgusting.
Ach. She's my cousin.
624
00:33:36,946 --> 00:33:39,549
She is not
your real cousin, dummy.
625
00:33:39,582 --> 00:33:42,218
Her grandmother
is fourth cousin
626
00:33:42,251 --> 00:33:44,253
of your
grandfather's uncle.
627
00:33:44,286 --> 00:33:47,857
- So, that makes her my --
- seventh cousin.
628
00:33:47,890 --> 00:33:50,693
- Think about it.
- [Shannity] I'm an idiot.
629
00:33:50,726 --> 00:33:52,962
- Are you an idiot?
- Okay, this interview's over.
630
00:33:52,995 --> 00:33:54,964
- Is this interview over?
- Cut his mic.
631
00:33:54,997 --> 00:33:56,666
- Are you cutting my mic?
- You guys cut his mic.
632
00:33:56,699 --> 00:33:58,768
It's my show.
- Are they cutting my mic?
633
00:34:26,362 --> 00:34:30,033
- [Doorbell rings]
- [Helmet clatters]
634
00:34:32,868 --> 00:34:35,203
Oh my gosh, it vorked.
635
00:34:35,237 --> 00:34:37,740
Good hair. Good hair.
636
00:34:41,110 --> 00:34:43,012
- Can I help you?
- Oh, yes.
637
00:34:43,045 --> 00:34:45,380
Er...
Buenos nachos.
638
00:34:45,414 --> 00:34:47,917
Oh, Jimmy vestvood,
private investigator
639
00:34:47,949 --> 00:34:49,109
- for Mr. Monroe--
- [Screams]
640
00:34:49,118 --> 00:34:51,853
La inmigración!
La inmigración!
641
00:34:51,887 --> 00:34:54,323
No, no immigra-cion,
investiga-cion.
642
00:34:54,356 --> 00:34:57,326
- Investiga-cion.
- Inmigración!
643
00:34:57,359 --> 00:34:59,862
She's fast.
644
00:34:59,895 --> 00:35:02,131
Okay, Jimmy,
what do you got for me?
645
00:35:02,164 --> 00:35:05,668
I am afraid I have some bad news
and some badder news.
646
00:35:05,701 --> 00:35:07,703
The bad news is that
you were right.
647
00:35:07,736 --> 00:35:09,839
Your wife
is cheating on you.
648
00:35:09,872 --> 00:35:12,207
I knew it. I knew it.
649
00:35:12,241 --> 00:35:14,310
But it gets worse,
much worse.
650
00:35:14,343 --> 00:35:15,911
What? What else? What?
651
00:35:15,944 --> 00:35:19,682
The badder news, sir, is that
he's hung like a horse.
652
00:35:19,715 --> 00:35:21,784
- Hung like a horse?
- Yeah.
653
00:35:21,817 --> 00:35:23,653
Your wife is never
gonna come back to you.
654
00:35:23,686 --> 00:35:27,223
[Screams]
655
00:35:27,256 --> 00:35:32,194
- Mr. Monroe, are you okay?
- Yeah. Jimmy, can I trust you?
656
00:35:32,227 --> 00:35:36,031
What? Yes. Of course. I didn't
do anything with your wife.
657
00:35:36,065 --> 00:35:39,101
I am very trustworthy.
They call me "Jimmy
trustworthy."
658
00:35:39,134 --> 00:35:41,103
and that's why
people love you, Jimmy.
659
00:35:41,136 --> 00:35:44,106
Aside from you having
a nose for this stuff.
660
00:35:44,139 --> 00:35:46,842
It's because you're honest
and you've been honest with me
661
00:35:46,875 --> 00:35:48,277
so I'm gonna
be honest with you.
662
00:35:48,310 --> 00:35:50,779
Am I all right, am I okay?
No, I am not okay
663
00:35:50,813 --> 00:35:54,884
I mean, this woman has broken
my heart and I wanna
destroy her.
664
00:35:54,917 --> 00:35:56,852
And I need your help
to do that.
665
00:35:56,885 --> 00:35:59,855
Destroy her? How?
666
00:35:59,888 --> 00:36:04,860
- I want you to shoot her.
- Shoot her?
667
00:36:04,893 --> 00:36:08,164
No, no, no, no.
With a camera.
668
00:36:08,197 --> 00:36:09,999
I want you to shoot
her with a camera.
669
00:36:10,032 --> 00:36:11,200
- Oh.
- Divorce proceedings,
670
00:36:11,233 --> 00:36:12,868
and I'm gonna need
a lot of photos.
671
00:36:12,901 --> 00:36:14,136
And I want you
to take those pictures.
672
00:36:14,169 --> 00:36:16,372
Will you take those pictures
for me, Jimmy?
673
00:36:16,405 --> 00:36:19,875
Yes, sir. Jimmy vestvood,
at your service.
674
00:36:19,908 --> 00:36:22,044
Great. Yeah.
Just shoot away.
675
00:36:22,077 --> 00:36:24,213
Karl, could you bring
that photo equipment
676
00:36:24,246 --> 00:36:25,448
that we got for Mr. Westwood
in here?
677
00:36:25,481 --> 00:36:27,783
Have it right here, sir.
Eh...
678
00:36:27,816 --> 00:36:31,886
This is the dslr camera and
in this bag are the lenses.
679
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:34,123
We have a 35-millimeter
and a 300-millimeter
680
00:36:34,156 --> 00:36:36,726
- for distant shots.
- It's got flash?
681
00:36:36,759 --> 00:36:37,993
Yes.
682
00:36:38,026 --> 00:36:39,794
And this is your
undercover suit.
683
00:36:39,828 --> 00:36:41,831
Undercover suit?
684
00:36:41,864 --> 00:36:46,102
Sir? That's great.
I've always wanted an
undercover suit, sir.
685
00:36:46,135 --> 00:36:49,872
How did I know?
Why don't you go try it on?
686
00:36:49,905 --> 00:36:52,942
- See if we can't see you?
- Thank you, sir.
687
00:36:52,975 --> 00:36:55,911
This is great.
Can I just--
688
00:36:55,944 --> 00:36:59,215
yeah. Please be careful,
these are my personal stuff.
689
00:36:59,248 --> 00:37:01,383
I'm gonna be very careful.
This is exciting.
690
00:37:01,416 --> 00:37:04,320
- Really, thank you so much --
- [Glass breaks]
691
00:37:04,353 --> 00:37:07,857
I'm sorry.
Really, exciting.
692
00:37:07,890 --> 00:37:09,391
Undercover suit!
693
00:37:09,424 --> 00:37:12,261
- What a banana.
- Sir. Great news.
694
00:37:12,294 --> 00:37:14,797
Senator hunter is confirmed
and on board.
695
00:37:14,830 --> 00:37:18,933
He thanks you
for your generous
"Campaign contribution."
696
00:37:18,967 --> 00:37:20,803
we've got
two-thirds majority.
697
00:37:20,836 --> 00:37:22,805
Well, it's going a lot easier
than I ever thought it would.
698
00:37:22,838 --> 00:37:25,808
You know this guy, you know
how some people turn out
699
00:37:25,841 --> 00:37:28,844
- to be as dumb as they look?
- [Both laugh]
700
00:37:28,877 --> 00:37:32,181
All we got to do now
is come up with some
snappy nickname
701
00:37:32,214 --> 00:37:34,950
for this war, you know,
to sell it to the
American people.
702
00:37:34,983 --> 00:37:36,852
- Sure.
- They go for it every time.
703
00:37:36,885 --> 00:37:38,954
How about,
"Operation: Freedom"?
704
00:37:38,987 --> 00:37:41,891
How 'bout it? It's been used.
Think of something
705
00:37:41,924 --> 00:37:43,993
with an animal in it.
You know, Americans
706
00:37:44,026 --> 00:37:45,794
hate each other
but they love animals?
707
00:37:45,828 --> 00:37:47,930
Yeah. How about
"Operation puppy freedom"?
708
00:37:47,963 --> 00:37:51,300
That's too soft.
That's not war, that's not hard.
709
00:37:51,333 --> 00:37:53,969
"Operation desert rape"?
710
00:37:54,002 --> 00:37:56,505
Nah, that's too hard.
Besides, you forgot
the animal.
711
00:37:56,538 --> 00:37:59,875
"Operation puppy rape."
712
00:37:59,908 --> 00:38:02,578
get away from me.
You're giving me the creeps.
713
00:38:02,611 --> 00:38:04,879
- Yes, sir.
- What's this rape stuff?...
714
00:38:04,913 --> 00:38:06,415
Oh-ho!
715
00:38:07,382 --> 00:38:09,985
"Operation eagle freedom."
716
00:38:10,018 --> 00:38:11,320
perfect.
717
00:38:13,522 --> 00:38:17,125
- Ow!
- I don't look too fat?
718
00:38:18,093 --> 00:38:20,263
[Bike horn beeping]
719
00:38:22,130 --> 00:38:24,066
Mr. mehdi, Mr. mehdi.
720
00:38:24,099 --> 00:38:28,270
Jamshid. Why you are wearing
black? Did somebody die?
721
00:38:28,303 --> 00:38:32,875
- Uh... yes.
- Who?
722
00:38:32,908 --> 00:38:36,112
Ali Hassan Hossein
Mohammad rezaie.
723
00:38:37,613 --> 00:38:40,149
Ali Hassan Hossein
Mohammad rezaie died?
724
00:38:40,182 --> 00:38:42,884
It's okay, Mr. mehdi.
725
00:38:42,918 --> 00:38:46,956
That son of a bitch
owes me $55!
726
00:38:46,989 --> 00:38:50,492
Oh, gosh.
Well, it's good Karma.
727
00:38:50,525 --> 00:38:53,395
I don't need Karma.
I need my $55.
728
00:38:53,428 --> 00:38:54,997
It will come back to you.
729
00:38:55,030 --> 00:38:56,932
I feel like I'm gonna
drop dead myself.
730
00:38:56,965 --> 00:39:00,569
You know, this wedding
is killing me.
731
00:39:00,602 --> 00:39:02,904
They're asking $4,000
732
00:39:02,938 --> 00:39:06,075
for an audio-visual screen.
Can you believe that?
733
00:39:06,108 --> 00:39:07,610
- $4,000.
- Wow.
734
00:39:07,643 --> 00:39:09,945
Well, anyway,
what do you want?
735
00:39:09,978 --> 00:39:12,581
Eh, Mr. mehdi,
I was just going to see
736
00:39:12,614 --> 00:39:14,350
if I could have the day off
tomorrow.
737
00:39:14,383 --> 00:39:16,886
I have to take some very
important pictures.
738
00:39:16,919 --> 00:39:19,020
Pictures, my ass.
739
00:39:19,054 --> 00:39:22,591
Is it this private
investigator crap?
740
00:39:22,624 --> 00:39:27,962
- Yes, it is-- I mean, no--
- I don't care what it is.
741
00:39:27,996 --> 00:39:31,934
You do what I tell you
to do, understand?
742
00:39:31,967 --> 00:39:34,937
Wow. Well, Mr. mehdi,
if that's the case,
743
00:39:34,970 --> 00:39:37,238
I guess then
I just have to...
744
00:39:37,272 --> 00:39:40,409
- Yeah, what?
- I guess then I--
745
00:39:40,442 --> 00:39:42,077
- yeah, what?
- I quit.
746
00:39:42,110 --> 00:39:44,513
You what?
747
00:39:44,546 --> 00:39:46,182
I quit.
748
00:39:47,449 --> 00:39:49,919
[Snickers]
749
00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:52,989
[Laughs]
750
00:39:55,991 --> 00:39:57,993
You cannot quit.
751
00:39:58,026 --> 00:40:01,931
- Why not?
- Because I fire you.
752
00:40:01,964 --> 00:40:04,500
[On p.A. System]
Attention, attention,
everybody.
753
00:40:04,533 --> 00:40:10,139
Attention, everybody.
Jamshid fakhredinpour,
he is fired.
754
00:40:10,172 --> 00:40:12,007
Fired. Fired.
755
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:13,509
- Hey, Rick?
- Yeah?
756
00:40:13,542 --> 00:40:15,511
Do I have to pay
unemployment insurance
757
00:40:15,544 --> 00:40:18,948
- if I fire someone?
- Yes, 6% of taxable wages
758
00:40:18,981 --> 00:40:21,116
as mandated by the federal
unemployment tax act.
759
00:40:21,149 --> 00:40:23,585
Now, there's a stipulation
that says the employer--
760
00:40:23,618 --> 00:40:25,354
okay, okay, shut up,
Harvard, got it.
761
00:40:25,387 --> 00:40:30,960
You know what? You quit.
I did not fire you.
762
00:40:30,993 --> 00:40:32,995
[On p.A. System]
Attention, attention,
attention, everybody,
763
00:40:33,028 --> 00:40:37,633
I want you to listen.
I did not fire jamshid
fakhredinpour,
764
00:40:37,666 --> 00:40:39,735
he just quit on me.
765
00:40:39,768 --> 00:40:43,105
Now, your badge
and your jacket.
766
00:40:43,138 --> 00:40:46,976
Oh, sure, yes, of course.
Here is the badge.
767
00:40:47,009 --> 00:40:49,345
- Thank you.
- And...
768
00:40:52,114 --> 00:40:55,150
- The jacket.
- Thank you. Oh, one second.
769
00:40:55,183 --> 00:40:59,455
Please, accept my tongue
as a token of respect
770
00:40:59,488 --> 00:41:01,056
for you and your mother.
771
00:41:01,089 --> 00:41:02,725
Oh, no, sir.
I can't. I can't.
772
00:41:02,758 --> 00:41:05,160
- Please, I insist.
- Oh no, I insist.
773
00:41:05,193 --> 00:41:07,396
- I cannot.
- Please, I insist.
774
00:41:07,429 --> 00:41:09,098
I want your mother
have my tongue.
775
00:41:09,131 --> 00:41:10,466
- No. I'm insisting.
- I insist.
776
00:41:10,499 --> 00:41:12,019
- No, I'm insisting.
- I said I insist.
777
00:41:12,034 --> 00:41:13,336
Sir, I insist-- oops.
778
00:41:14,569 --> 00:41:17,740
Five-second rule.
Good as new.
779
00:41:28,116 --> 00:41:32,154
♪ No more timing ♪
780
00:41:32,187 --> 00:41:35,191
♪ each tear that falls
from my eyes ♪
781
00:41:36,491 --> 00:41:40,129
♪ I'm not hiding ♪
782
00:41:40,162 --> 00:41:45,234
♪ the remedy that cures
this old heart of mine... ♪
783
00:41:45,267 --> 00:41:48,136
Mmm, delicious.
784
00:41:48,170 --> 00:41:49,705
Whose tongue is it?
785
00:41:49,738 --> 00:41:51,073
Mr. mehdi.
786
00:41:51,106 --> 00:41:53,776
No, dummy. What animal?
787
00:41:53,809 --> 00:41:56,211
Oh. Cow.
Very big cow.
788
00:41:56,244 --> 00:42:00,115
Remember tomorrow,
say thank you to Mr. mehdi
at work.
789
00:42:00,148 --> 00:42:01,050
I thought you quit?
790
00:42:01,083 --> 00:42:04,319
Quit? Quit what?
791
00:42:04,352 --> 00:42:09,324
Eating tongue.
I am going gluten free.
792
00:42:09,357 --> 00:42:13,062
Ah, what a waste.
793
00:42:13,095 --> 00:42:15,230
I'm going to bring
that delicious desert
794
00:42:15,263 --> 00:42:17,132
that Leila brought.
795
00:42:17,165 --> 00:42:18,767
[Whispering]
I don't maman to know
I quit.
796
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:20,602
She's gonna have
a heart attack.
797
00:42:20,635 --> 00:42:22,104
So, what made you quit?
798
00:42:22,137 --> 00:42:25,107
My American case.
I have a big day tomorrow.
799
00:42:25,140 --> 00:42:28,143
Ooh. Let me be
your sidekick this time.
800
00:42:28,176 --> 00:42:30,578
Otherwise,
I'll tell maman you quit.
801
00:42:30,612 --> 00:42:33,816
You traitor. I told you,
you can't be my sidekick.
802
00:42:33,849 --> 00:42:35,717
It's too dangerous.
803
00:42:35,750 --> 00:42:38,787
[Maman]
Thank you very much, Leila joon
for this sholeh zard.
804
00:42:38,820 --> 00:42:42,791
You know, saffron and cinnamon
make the man stronger.
805
00:42:42,824 --> 00:42:47,629
And this rice pudding?
Makes the woman fertilizing.
806
00:42:47,662 --> 00:42:49,231
What is your point?
807
00:42:49,264 --> 00:42:52,134
My point is
that you two should fuck.
808
00:43:15,590 --> 00:43:17,326
Hi. I'm sorry
I'm sorry. Ow.
809
00:43:17,359 --> 00:43:19,194
You're gonna be
in a lot of trouble.
810
00:43:21,563 --> 00:43:23,165
Agh!
811
00:43:29,671 --> 00:43:31,774
[All screaming]
812
00:43:43,285 --> 00:43:45,287
[Malek]
You will be my sand dune.
813
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:46,455
[Marcy]
Ooh.
814
00:43:46,488 --> 00:43:48,223
And I will be
your bedouin.
815
00:43:48,256 --> 00:43:49,625
Rr-rar-rr.
816
00:43:49,658 --> 00:43:52,227
- [Malek] Can I hide inside you?
- [Malek, Marcy laugh]
817
00:43:52,260 --> 00:43:54,429
[Camera shutter clicks]
818
00:43:54,462 --> 00:43:57,199
[Marcy]
There's so much room
in there for you to hide.
819
00:43:57,232 --> 00:43:59,768
Oh, baby.
Oh, oh!
820
00:43:59,801 --> 00:44:01,636
[Giggling]
821
00:44:01,670 --> 00:44:05,174
[Jimmy]
Oh, oh, not the ear,
not the ear, not the ear.
822
00:44:05,207 --> 00:44:08,176
- I go for take a leak.
- Okay, baby.
823
00:44:08,210 --> 00:44:11,446
- I will miss you.
- [Both laugh]
824
00:44:11,479 --> 00:44:13,848
- [Slaps]
- Ooh.
825
00:44:13,882 --> 00:44:15,484
[Marcy giggles]
826
00:44:16,785 --> 00:44:20,856
["Star-spangled banner"
Ringtone plays]
827
00:44:20,889 --> 00:44:22,691
- Ah-hh!
- Jimmy Westwood?
828
00:44:22,724 --> 00:44:25,227
Mrs. Monroe?
829
00:44:25,260 --> 00:44:28,330
Mrs. Monroe.
So good to see you.
830
00:44:28,363 --> 00:44:30,899
- What are the chances?
- What are you doing here?
831
00:44:30,932 --> 00:44:35,236
Me? Um... I was just,
you know, exercising.
832
00:44:35,270 --> 00:44:38,273
Yes, it's a new workout.
This is called "The photo abs."
833
00:44:38,306 --> 00:44:39,942
you just-- look...
834
00:44:39,975 --> 00:44:43,245
Oh, that's good abs.
That's good ab work,
Mr. Westwood.
835
00:44:43,278 --> 00:44:45,580
Yeah, it's getting hard.
836
00:44:45,614 --> 00:44:49,284
Ooh, tell me more
about things getting hard.
837
00:44:49,317 --> 00:44:51,787
You're emitting
that exotic desert smell.
838
00:44:51,820 --> 00:44:53,755
- Oh, I smell like the desert?
- Oh, yeah...
839
00:44:53,788 --> 00:44:57,226
- Oh, that's good.
- Dirty, Sandy, desert.
840
00:44:57,259 --> 00:44:59,561
- Oh, good.
- [Leila] Jimmy?
841
00:44:59,594 --> 00:45:01,230
- Leila!
- Jimmy?
842
00:45:01,263 --> 00:45:02,364
What are you doing here?
843
00:45:02,397 --> 00:45:04,566
- Jogging.
- You jog a lot.
844
00:45:04,599 --> 00:45:07,436
Yeah, well I'm training
for the...
845
00:45:07,469 --> 00:45:10,372
Breast cancer
awareness month.
846
00:45:10,405 --> 00:45:12,274
There's a race
for breasts?
847
00:45:12,307 --> 00:45:13,542
What are you doing here?
848
00:45:13,575 --> 00:45:16,011
I was just getting
some exercises,
849
00:45:16,044 --> 00:45:19,348
so that I could
save lives at the beach,
okay?
850
00:45:19,381 --> 00:45:22,917
So I'm gonna get back
to exercising and you should
get back to jogging.
851
00:45:22,951 --> 00:45:23,951
- Okay.
- Go.
852
00:45:23,952 --> 00:45:25,954
- I will.
- Go.
853
00:45:25,987 --> 00:45:27,923
I'm watching...
854
00:45:30,325 --> 00:45:32,361
[Marcy]
She's very intense.
855
00:45:32,394 --> 00:45:34,263
Oh--!
856
00:45:34,296 --> 00:45:35,330
She's special, right?
857
00:45:35,363 --> 00:45:37,332
- I'm okay.
- No, you're not.
858
00:45:37,365 --> 00:45:39,368
- [Animal roaring]
- [Tv narrator] The female tiger
859
00:45:39,401 --> 00:45:40,669
knows the male
is ready to mate
860
00:45:40,702 --> 00:45:43,272
because of its scent,
not to mention
861
00:45:43,305 --> 00:45:46,408
its throbbing,
massive tiger erection.
862
00:45:46,441 --> 00:45:49,745
- Jamshid fakhredinpour.
- What?
863
00:45:49,778 --> 00:45:52,281
Mehdi told me
that you quit your job
864
00:45:52,314 --> 00:45:54,850
to go out and take
some pictures?
865
00:45:54,883 --> 00:45:59,855
Um... well, uh...
Yes, I quit.
866
00:45:59,888 --> 00:46:01,623
There. I said it.
867
00:46:01,656 --> 00:46:03,292
Why would I work
for that butcher
868
00:46:03,325 --> 00:46:06,828
when I can make $5,000 a veek
vorking as a p.I.?
869
00:46:06,861 --> 00:46:08,730
Enough with this
p.I. Business.
870
00:46:08,763 --> 00:46:10,499
You're gonna
hurt yourself--
871
00:46:10,532 --> 00:46:13,468
did you say $5,000?
872
00:46:13,501 --> 00:46:14,836
- Yes.
- In one veek?
873
00:46:14,869 --> 00:46:16,438
Yes.
874
00:46:16,471 --> 00:46:21,410
Then why didn't you quit
your job earlier, dummy?
875
00:46:21,443 --> 00:46:23,812
- What's this?
- Just a little something
876
00:46:23,845 --> 00:46:26,848
I bought with this veek's
p.I. Money.
877
00:46:26,881 --> 00:46:29,584
You blow all your money
to buy a TV?
878
00:46:29,617 --> 00:46:33,588
- Are you out of your crazy mind?
- But maman, this is not
879
00:46:33,621 --> 00:46:36,992
an ordinary TV.
This is a top of the line,
880
00:46:37,025 --> 00:46:40,062
103-inch hd TV
881
00:46:40,095 --> 00:46:43,432
- with 3-d visualization.
- Jamshid,
882
00:46:43,465 --> 00:46:45,467
you are very
irresponsible.
883
00:46:45,500 --> 00:46:47,636
You are not using your brain.
884
00:46:47,669 --> 00:46:50,638
You stupid,
stupid, stupid--
885
00:46:50,672 --> 00:46:53,041
did you say 3D?
886
00:46:53,074 --> 00:46:57,412
Vow. It's so real.
887
00:46:57,445 --> 00:47:00,082
I feel I can touch
the tiger.
888
00:47:00,115 --> 00:47:01,649
- [Tiger roars]
- Ah!
889
00:47:01,683 --> 00:47:04,119
[Both laugh]
890
00:47:04,152 --> 00:47:06,755
I love your new job.
891
00:47:06,788 --> 00:47:10,058
Finally, I can
get my eye surgery.
892
00:47:10,091 --> 00:47:14,529
Face-lifting. Go to Hawaii.
Liposuction.
893
00:47:14,562 --> 00:47:16,897
Buy a big chandelier
for here.
894
00:47:16,931 --> 00:47:19,034
[J.P. Monroe]
I don't know, you could
tell him something catchy,
895
00:47:19,067 --> 00:47:20,469
like "Blow me."
896
00:47:20,502 --> 00:47:24,440
think that'll do it?
[Laughs]
897
00:47:26,474 --> 00:47:29,478
No, that's what she said,
she said she had a sister.
898
00:47:29,511 --> 00:47:31,380
- What do I know?
- Mr. Monroe.
899
00:47:31,413 --> 00:47:33,482
- I have your pictures.
- Sure. Get back to me.
900
00:47:33,515 --> 00:47:37,551
Sir, sir, I have the pictures.
The ones you asked for.
901
00:47:37,585 --> 00:47:39,955
Pictures?
902
00:47:41,589 --> 00:47:44,558
- Yep. That's all.
- That's all?
903
00:47:44,592 --> 00:47:48,430
Yeah. Got the pictures.
Case closed.
904
00:47:48,463 --> 00:47:51,032
Okey-dokey. Uh, sir,
I just want to let you know
905
00:47:51,065 --> 00:47:53,068
I quit my job
for this case
906
00:47:53,101 --> 00:47:55,737
so I have a lot of free time
on my hands,
907
00:47:55,770 --> 00:47:58,440
so in case you need me for
anything, just let me know.
908
00:47:58,473 --> 00:48:00,442
No, no, nope,
nope, no, thanks.
909
00:48:00,475 --> 00:48:01,910
- Thank you, sir.
- Okay. Goodbye.
910
00:48:01,943 --> 00:48:03,045
Thank you.
911
00:48:05,547 --> 00:48:08,417
I can get your laundry.
I can repaint the house.
912
00:48:08,450 --> 00:48:11,553
I can do interior designing.
I can work on your posture.
913
00:48:11,586 --> 00:48:14,022
Whatever you're in the mood for,
you just let me know.
914
00:48:14,055 --> 00:48:15,723
- I'm there for you.
- No thanks.
915
00:48:15,757 --> 00:48:17,526
- Just giving you options.
- No, thank you.
916
00:48:17,559 --> 00:48:19,461
- Okay, thank you.
- Okay. Bye.
917
00:48:21,663 --> 00:48:23,832
I noticed the limousine
is getting a little dirty.
918
00:48:23,865 --> 00:48:25,767
Jimmy, get the hell
outta my house!
919
00:48:27,569 --> 00:48:28,937
Okay.
920
00:48:30,538 --> 00:48:32,775
[Scanner beeps]
921
00:48:41,583 --> 00:48:43,585
- Jimmy?
- Mr. mehdi?
922
00:48:43,618 --> 00:48:45,053
What are you
doing here?
923
00:48:45,086 --> 00:48:48,522
- I own the place?
- Oh, yeah, that's right.
924
00:48:48,556 --> 00:48:50,525
You know, in case
you're wondering
925
00:48:50,558 --> 00:48:52,027
what I am doing here?
926
00:48:52,060 --> 00:48:54,496
I just happened to be in the
neighborhood and I thought.
927
00:48:54,529 --> 00:48:57,532
"Maybe I should stop by
and say hi to Mr. mehdi
928
00:48:57,565 --> 00:48:59,534
and bring him a gift."
929
00:48:59,567 --> 00:49:02,804
ah, a gift,
for homayoun's wedding.
930
00:49:02,837 --> 00:49:07,042
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
A gift for you-- of apology.
931
00:49:07,075 --> 00:49:08,944
For me?
932
00:49:08,977 --> 00:49:11,046
Hmm. Thank you.
933
00:49:11,079 --> 00:49:17,118
Dates? Zeki.
I have six cartons of this.
934
00:49:17,151 --> 00:49:21,623
Mr. mehdi, you have
six cartons of everything.
935
00:49:21,656 --> 00:49:23,191
What do you get a man
936
00:49:23,224 --> 00:49:25,660
who has six cartons
of everything?
937
00:49:25,693 --> 00:49:28,196
- Let me think...
- What?
938
00:49:28,229 --> 00:49:30,866
- Oh yeah, I know.
- What?
939
00:49:30,899 --> 00:49:33,000
A top of the line
security guard.
940
00:49:33,034 --> 00:49:36,271
V-v-v-vip.
941
00:49:36,304 --> 00:49:43,044
Ah... I knew you would
come crawling back.
942
00:49:43,077 --> 00:49:45,146
You want your old job
back, don't you?
943
00:49:45,179 --> 00:49:48,216
- Well, if you insist, okay.
- Wish I could do, Jimmy,
944
00:49:48,249 --> 00:49:52,153
but since you quit,
I had to hire someone else.
945
00:49:52,186 --> 00:49:54,890
- Really? Who?
- Rick.
946
00:49:54,923 --> 00:49:56,524
On top of security,
947
00:49:56,558 --> 00:49:59,528
he is redoing
all the electrical wiring
948
00:49:59,561 --> 00:50:03,865
for the entire store.
Rick, how's it coming?
949
00:50:03,898 --> 00:50:05,934
Think I found the problem,
Mr. mehdi.
950
00:50:05,967 --> 00:50:07,836
Ah, that guy is good.
951
00:50:07,869 --> 00:50:11,640
Hey, look...
952
00:50:11,673 --> 00:50:16,044
I know times are hard.
But hang in there, jamshid.
953
00:50:16,077 --> 00:50:18,880
- Hang in there.
- I vill gonna, Mr. mehdi.
954
00:50:18,913 --> 00:50:20,716
- [Buzzing]
- [Rick screams]
955
00:50:28,056 --> 00:50:29,858
Ugh!
956
00:50:31,593 --> 00:50:36,631
I'm never gonna be an American
hero like esteve McQueen.
957
00:50:36,664 --> 00:50:39,167
I don't even have good hair.
958
00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:41,569
I'm a loser.
959
00:50:41,603 --> 00:50:46,341
Loser. Loser. Loser.
[Sobs]
960
00:50:46,374 --> 00:50:48,042
[Blows nose]
961
00:50:51,980 --> 00:50:54,149
Goodbye hair.
[Front door opens]
962
00:50:54,182 --> 00:50:55,984
Hey, you want
some cookie--
963
00:50:56,017 --> 00:50:58,219
don't do it!
964
00:50:58,252 --> 00:51:00,188
- Do what?
- Kill yourself.
965
00:51:00,221 --> 00:51:03,091
- Kill myself?
- You have blood on your face.
966
00:51:03,124 --> 00:51:05,727
Blood?
967
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:08,697
Bah. That's the ink
from your stupid flyers.
968
00:51:08,730 --> 00:51:11,933
- Get off me.
- Is everything okay?
969
00:51:11,966 --> 00:51:15,703
No, everything is not okay.
Mr. Monroe let me go.
970
00:51:15,737 --> 00:51:19,608
Some white guy from Harvard
took my job at the market.
971
00:51:19,641 --> 00:51:22,777
And maman
vants breast implants,
972
00:51:22,810 --> 00:51:26,648
an SUV, and season tickets
to the Lakers.
973
00:51:26,681 --> 00:51:28,149
What happened?
974
00:51:28,182 --> 00:51:30,651
She got a taste
of the American dream,
975
00:51:30,685 --> 00:51:34,221
- and now she's a monster.
- No. What happened at work?
976
00:51:34,255 --> 00:51:38,326
I solved the case.
I gave him the pictures.
977
00:51:38,359 --> 00:51:41,663
And now I have nothing to do
but vatch this estupid DVD
978
00:51:41,696 --> 00:51:44,031
that comes
with the television.
979
00:51:44,065 --> 00:51:47,402
I can't even afford
basic cable.
980
00:51:47,435 --> 00:51:52,641
- Wow. It's so clear.
- [Jimmy whimpers]
981
00:51:52,674 --> 00:51:56,645
You know what you need?
A dose of culture.
982
00:51:57,712 --> 00:52:00,181
We're going
to whole foods?
983
00:52:00,214 --> 00:52:03,284
[Museum docent]
We now come to Diego
Velazquez' masterpiece.
984
00:52:03,317 --> 00:52:08,823
"Christ crucified,"
Where Jesus' nudity
is portrayed
985
00:52:08,856 --> 00:52:11,660
with delicious
erotic overtones.
986
00:52:11,693 --> 00:52:13,228
Notice the armpits.
987
00:52:13,261 --> 00:52:16,698
Velasquez chooses to remove
all of the hair,
988
00:52:16,731 --> 00:52:19,401
creating a purity
of artistic line.
989
00:52:19,434 --> 00:52:20,935
Remember this is
2000 years
990
00:52:20,968 --> 00:52:23,738
before the invention
of the razor.
991
00:52:23,771 --> 00:52:25,840
We've placed the portrait
in the middle of the hall
992
00:52:25,873 --> 00:52:28,943
so that you may the glory of
Jesus from the front,
993
00:52:28,976 --> 00:52:31,680
and also behind.
994
00:52:31,713 --> 00:52:33,181
- [Jimmy] Ha!
- [Leila] Ah!
995
00:52:33,214 --> 00:52:35,150
[Docent]
Okay...
996
00:52:35,183 --> 00:52:37,819
Now, we turn
to the Cyrus cylinder.
997
00:52:38,720 --> 00:52:41,122
Named after
Cyrus the great,
998
00:52:41,155 --> 00:52:44,292
the Cyrus cylinder is one
of the most famous
999
00:52:44,325 --> 00:52:48,163
surviving icons
from the ancient world.
The cylinder
1000
00:52:48,196 --> 00:52:52,834
has been described
as one of the first charters
of human rights.
1001
00:52:52,867 --> 00:52:55,804
- He was persian.
- Unfortunately.
1002
00:52:55,837 --> 00:52:59,441
I'll give you a few moments now
to take in all of its splendor.
1003
00:52:59,474 --> 00:53:01,810
Enjoy.
1004
00:53:01,843 --> 00:53:04,913
Actually, the Americans
stole the idea for the
bill of rights
1005
00:53:04,946 --> 00:53:08,450
from this guy.
One of the founding fathers,
George Jefferson,
1006
00:53:08,483 --> 00:53:10,919
was inspired by him.
It's true.
1007
00:53:10,952 --> 00:53:15,023
I read it on viki-pedia.
Enjoy the splendor.
1008
00:53:16,491 --> 00:53:18,794
Leila,
take some pictures.
1009
00:53:21,963 --> 00:53:23,732
Oh, yeah.
1010
00:53:23,765 --> 00:53:25,967
- [Camera beeps]
- I ran out of space.
1011
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:27,302
I just-- I have to delete
some photos.
1012
00:53:27,335 --> 00:53:29,104
- Ah.
- Sorry.
1013
00:53:29,137 --> 00:53:31,806
Excuse me, excuse me.
Are you insane?
1014
00:53:31,839 --> 00:53:34,409
There's no photos here.
You're not allowed
to take photos.
1015
00:53:34,442 --> 00:53:36,411
- Why?
- Why?
1016
00:53:36,444 --> 00:53:38,813
Because that has a flash,
and that's stone.
1017
00:53:38,846 --> 00:53:42,484
You can't flash stone.
Are you insane?
1018
00:53:42,517 --> 00:53:44,919
God.
1019
00:53:44,952 --> 00:53:47,989
- [Leila] Ooh.
- [Jimmy] Take a Xanax.
1020
00:53:48,022 --> 00:53:50,959
No flash stone.
Flash stone, this guy.
1021
00:53:50,992 --> 00:53:52,827
Eh, it's homayoun.
Homayoun.
1022
00:53:52,860 --> 00:53:54,929
Oh, Jimmy.
1023
00:53:54,962 --> 00:53:57,398
Jimmy, uh, you remember
homeira?
1024
00:53:57,431 --> 00:53:59,100
Oh, yes, hi.
1025
00:53:59,133 --> 00:54:02,102
- [Homeira] Nice to see you.
- This is my cousin, Leila.
1026
00:54:02,136 --> 00:54:04,806
You never told me
you have a cousin.
1027
00:54:04,839 --> 00:54:07,475
Leila, I love that color
on you.
1028
00:54:07,508 --> 00:54:09,276
You should come
to the wedding.
1029
00:54:09,310 --> 00:54:10,845
Okay.
1030
00:54:10,878 --> 00:54:12,247
Oh, no, you don't have
to invite her.
1031
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:13,948
- She's my sixth cousin.
- Seventh.
1032
00:54:13,981 --> 00:54:16,284
Shh, be quiet.
You're coming to the wedding.
1033
00:54:16,317 --> 00:54:19,187
- You're still getting married?
- Excuse me?
1034
00:54:19,220 --> 00:54:22,256
He's so funny.
He's being funny.
1035
00:54:22,290 --> 00:54:24,859
Jimmy, can I talk to you
for a second?
1036
00:54:24,892 --> 00:54:26,761
Sure.
1037
00:54:30,464 --> 00:54:33,201
- I like your dress.
- Thank you.
1038
00:54:33,234 --> 00:54:36,104
I just threw something on.
1039
00:54:36,137 --> 00:54:39,307
- Hey, what are you doing?
- You haven't told her yet?
1040
00:54:39,340 --> 00:54:41,442
- No. No, I can't.
- Why not?
1041
00:54:41,475 --> 00:54:44,813
Why not? My dad is spending
a fortune on this wedding.
1042
00:54:44,846 --> 00:54:46,981
You've seen him with a knife.
He'll kill me.
1043
00:54:47,014 --> 00:54:48,883
You can marry Freddy.
All you have to do
1044
00:54:48,916 --> 00:54:51,252
- is move to Massachusetts.
- I don't want to move
1045
00:54:51,285 --> 00:54:53,221
- to Massachusetts.
- Come on, come on,
1046
00:54:53,254 --> 00:54:55,957
- you move to Massachusetts.
- You move to Massachusetts.
1047
00:54:55,990 --> 00:54:57,357
No, you have to move
to Massachusetts.
1048
00:54:57,391 --> 00:54:58,893
- No, you have to.
- No, you move to Massachusetts.
1049
00:54:58,926 --> 00:55:00,929
- You move to Massachusetts.
- No, you--
1050
00:55:02,363 --> 00:55:04,365
- [gasping]
- Thanks god.
1051
00:55:04,398 --> 00:55:06,367
He estarted it.
1052
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:08,269
["Star-spangled banner"
Ringtone plays]
1053
00:55:08,302 --> 00:55:10,038
Jimmy...?
1054
00:55:10,071 --> 00:55:12,874
Hello? Mr. Monroe.
How are you?
1055
00:55:12,907 --> 00:55:14,242
- Jimmy?
- Well, tomorrow,
1056
00:55:14,275 --> 00:55:15,844
I have a vedding to go to,
but for you,
1057
00:55:15,877 --> 00:55:17,612
- I move things around.
- Oof!
1058
00:55:17,645 --> 00:55:19,547
Jimmy vestvood,
at your service.
1059
00:55:19,580 --> 00:55:20,949
- Leila.
- Yeah?
1060
00:55:20,982 --> 00:55:23,084
That was Mr. Monroe.
I'm rehired. Fantastic!
1061
00:55:26,187 --> 00:55:28,089
[Gasps]
1062
00:55:28,122 --> 00:55:29,257
[Crashing]
1063
00:55:29,290 --> 00:55:31,993
- No-oo!
- No-oo!
1064
00:55:32,994 --> 00:55:35,997
- No-oo!
- No-oo!
1065
00:55:36,030 --> 00:55:37,599
No.
1066
00:55:37,632 --> 00:55:39,000
No-oo-oo!
1067
00:55:39,033 --> 00:55:40,969
Yeah-hh!
1068
00:55:41,002 --> 00:55:42,537
- [Rips]
- [Smashes]
1069
00:55:42,570 --> 00:55:44,606
Ow!
1070
00:55:44,639 --> 00:55:47,008
I'm gonna get
crucified for this.
1071
00:55:49,944 --> 00:55:51,613
He's coming.
Jimmy?
1072
00:55:51,646 --> 00:55:53,047
- Yes.
- Nice to see you.
1073
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:55,650
- Have a seat.
- Uh, yes, uh, thank you.
1074
00:55:55,683 --> 00:55:58,219
Yes, hello, Mr. Monroe.
Hello, Mrs. Monroe.
1075
00:55:58,252 --> 00:56:01,556
- Hello, Mr. Westwood.
- Good to see you.
1076
00:56:01,589 --> 00:56:03,191
[Faint spurt]
1077
00:56:04,959 --> 00:56:07,028
- Okay, you comfortable?
- I'm good, sir.
1078
00:56:07,061 --> 00:56:09,597
- How are you today?
- God, it's great to see you.
1079
00:56:09,630 --> 00:56:14,235
I gotta thank you
for saving my marriage.
1080
00:56:14,268 --> 00:56:16,971
- Me?
- You.
1081
00:56:17,004 --> 00:56:19,073
- How?
- I had to tell Marcy
1082
00:56:19,106 --> 00:56:23,244
that I hired you
to follow her, to take
those photos, right?
1083
00:56:23,277 --> 00:56:26,381
- Sorry about that, Mrs. Monroe.
- it's all right.
1084
00:56:26,414 --> 00:56:29,250
- You were just doing your job.
- Igg-zactly.
1085
00:56:29,283 --> 00:56:31,486
And I realized that Marcy
was merely starved
1086
00:56:31,519 --> 00:56:33,221
for some attention.
Right, honey?
1087
00:56:33,254 --> 00:56:35,156
I mean, what kind of husband
had I been?
1088
00:56:35,189 --> 00:56:37,491
Not once had
I ever asked her
1089
00:56:37,525 --> 00:56:39,494
whether she wanted
to go to the ocean
1090
00:56:39,527 --> 00:56:40,962
or to grauman's Chinese,
1091
00:56:40,995 --> 00:56:42,931
or universal studios
for that matter.
1092
00:56:42,964 --> 00:56:46,935
- The important things.
- I love you, schnookums.
1093
00:56:46,968 --> 00:56:48,469
- I love you, too, sweetie.
- Aw.
1094
00:56:48,502 --> 00:56:50,971
So, thanks to you,
1095
00:56:51,005 --> 00:56:54,075
- Marcy and I have mended ways.
- Okay, get to the point.
1096
00:56:54,108 --> 00:56:55,110
What point?
1097
00:56:58,112 --> 00:57:02,083
The point is now this
arab guy is blackmailing me
1098
00:57:02,116 --> 00:57:04,552
for a cool
one million dollars.
1099
00:57:04,585 --> 00:57:08,656
Wow. He wants one million
for flinging vith your vife?
1100
00:57:08,689 --> 00:57:10,959
Yeah. He says that if he
doesn't get this money
1101
00:57:10,992 --> 00:57:14,095
by 6:00 this afternoon,
then he's gonna go public
1102
00:57:14,128 --> 00:57:17,031
with this affair
and try to bring me down.
1103
00:57:17,064 --> 00:57:19,533
- Ah. This guy.
- Yeah.
1104
00:57:19,567 --> 00:57:22,537
- Arabs.
- Yeah. I need you, Jimmy.
1105
00:57:22,570 --> 00:57:25,340
I need you to deliver
this money to him.
1106
00:57:25,373 --> 00:57:28,376
Sir, I vould love to,
but that vedding I vas
telling you about
1107
00:57:28,409 --> 00:57:31,579
is right around the same time.
It's gonna be cutting it
1108
00:57:31,612 --> 00:57:33,348
very close, so...
1109
00:57:33,381 --> 00:57:35,984
Oh, I just thought to throw in
an extra $5,000 dollars...
1110
00:57:36,017 --> 00:57:38,252
- For your trouble.
- The guy is gay anyvay.
1111
00:57:38,285 --> 00:57:40,520
Never gonna vork out.
Jimmy vestvood,
1112
00:57:40,554 --> 00:57:43,057
- at your service.
- Thanks, Jimmy.
1113
00:57:43,090 --> 00:57:46,761
I knew I could count on you.
Jeez, I got an appointment.
1114
00:57:46,794 --> 00:57:50,064
Okay, Marcy, can you do me
a favor and show Jimmy out?
1115
00:57:50,097 --> 00:57:54,102
- This way, Mr. Westwood.
- At your service.
1116
00:57:54,135 --> 00:57:55,370
- Jimmy?
- Yes, sir.
1117
00:57:55,403 --> 00:57:57,605
Jimmy. You forgot
the briefcase.
1118
00:57:57,638 --> 00:58:00,442
Oh, yes, sorry, sir,
got a lot on my mind.
1119
00:58:03,677 --> 00:58:05,513
Sorry about that, sir.
1120
00:58:05,546 --> 00:58:07,515
Just making sure
it's all there, sir.
1121
00:58:07,548 --> 00:58:10,051
Always wanna be thorough, sir.
You want to make sure...
1122
00:58:10,084 --> 00:58:13,087
Let's see. 45, 55...
1123
00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:15,288
75,
one million. Okay.
1124
00:58:15,322 --> 00:58:16,758
Thank you, sir.
1125
00:58:16,791 --> 00:58:20,128
Pico, sawtelle, 6;00 P.M.
warehouse.
1126
00:58:20,161 --> 00:58:22,263
Pico and sawtelle,
6;00 P.M.
1127
00:58:22,296 --> 00:58:25,198
It's all right there sir.
Machine. I'm a machine.
1128
00:58:25,232 --> 00:58:28,336
Locked machine.
Key is out. Goodbye.
1129
00:58:28,369 --> 00:58:31,740
I'm gonna be there. 6:00--
where was it again?
1130
00:58:33,441 --> 00:58:35,410
- Oh, Jimmy.
- Whoa-aa!
1131
00:58:35,443 --> 00:58:37,211
How I've missed you.
1132
00:58:37,244 --> 00:58:42,683
Ooh, that musky breath.
Oh, you're so swarmy,
1133
00:58:42,716 --> 00:58:47,622
you're so smarmy, you're
so stinky, you're so sexy.
1134
00:58:47,655 --> 00:58:51,225
Oh, miss Monroe, your husband
is gonna kill us.
1135
00:58:51,258 --> 00:58:52,258
Shh-hh.
1136
00:58:54,695 --> 00:58:57,698
[Moans, giggles]
1137
00:58:57,731 --> 00:59:00,201
Oh, oh, not the ears.
Not the ears.
1138
00:59:00,234 --> 00:59:03,404
Ah-hh! That's definitely
not the ears.
1139
00:59:06,607 --> 00:59:10,244
Miss Monroe.
[Gasps]
1140
00:59:10,277 --> 00:59:13,381
This is not right.
You are a married woman.
1141
00:59:13,414 --> 00:59:16,417
Oh, you're right.
1142
00:59:16,450 --> 00:59:18,618
I don't know
what I was thinking.
1143
00:59:18,652 --> 00:59:22,623
You should just go.
Shh-hh. Just go.
1144
00:59:22,656 --> 00:59:25,593
- Okay.
- Thanks, Jimmy.
1145
00:59:25,626 --> 00:59:27,796
You're my hero.
1146
00:59:29,697 --> 00:59:31,532
[Gasps]
1147
00:59:31,565 --> 00:59:33,535
I love you.
1148
00:59:54,455 --> 00:59:56,491
[Cat screeches]
1149
00:59:58,225 --> 00:59:59,493
Hello?
1150
00:59:59,527 --> 01:00:01,096
[Echoes]
Hello...? Hello...? Hello...?
1151
01:00:03,230 --> 01:00:05,366
[Echoes]
Hello...? Hello...? Hello...?
1152
01:00:05,399 --> 01:00:07,801
- Ricola.
- [Echoes] Ricola... ricola.
1153
01:00:07,835 --> 01:00:10,204
- Hello?
- [Echoes] Hello...? Hello...?
1154
01:00:10,237 --> 01:00:12,673
[Chains rattling]
1155
01:00:12,706 --> 01:00:16,210
- Mr. malek?
- Hey, you got the money?
1156
01:00:16,243 --> 01:00:19,881
I can't hear you.
Hold on. One second.
1157
01:00:19,914 --> 01:00:21,883
Let me take this off.
1158
01:00:21,916 --> 01:00:25,353
- What about the bunny?
- You got the money? The money.
1159
01:00:25,386 --> 01:00:28,256
Oh, yeah, I have it right here.
Calm down. It's right here.
1160
01:00:28,289 --> 01:00:30,525
You drive a hard bargain.
1161
01:00:30,558 --> 01:00:34,195
- One million dollars.
- Open it.
1162
01:00:34,228 --> 01:00:36,264
Ha, ha, ha...
1163
01:00:36,297 --> 01:00:38,666
Wait a minute.
This is the wrong briefcase.
1164
01:00:38,699 --> 01:00:41,869
There's an alarm clock in here,
with a wire attached
1165
01:00:41,902 --> 01:00:43,504
to something
that says "C4"...
1166
01:00:43,537 --> 01:00:45,705
Which is attached
to a button that says.
1167
01:00:45,739 --> 01:00:47,408
"Push here to detonate"?
1168
01:00:47,441 --> 01:00:48,843
Wonder what would happen
if I pushed it right now?
1169
01:00:48,876 --> 01:00:50,178
[With American accent]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1170
01:00:50,211 --> 01:00:52,212
Easy buddy, that's a bomb.
Hands up.
1171
01:00:52,246 --> 01:00:55,483
- What happened to your accent?
- Oh, I'm not arab.
1172
01:00:55,516 --> 01:00:58,519
- You're not?
- Nope. Italian-American.
1173
01:00:58,552 --> 01:01:02,290
LAPD, undercover.
Hands up. Hands up.
1174
01:01:02,323 --> 01:01:03,958
You've been pretending
all along?
1175
01:01:03,991 --> 01:01:08,229
Uh, that's what "Undercover"
Means, moron.
1176
01:01:08,262 --> 01:01:10,398
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
So, you're not.
1177
01:01:10,431 --> 01:01:12,200
Mrs. Marcy Monroe's lover?
1178
01:01:12,233 --> 01:01:13,534
No.
1179
01:01:13,567 --> 01:01:15,369
And you're not blackmailing
j.P. Monroe?
1180
01:01:15,402 --> 01:01:16,637
Nope.
1181
01:01:16,670 --> 01:01:18,472
And you're not
hung like a horse?
1182
01:01:18,505 --> 01:01:21,409
Oh, no, that's all real.
God bless.
1183
01:01:21,442 --> 01:01:23,678
God bless. God bless.
1184
01:01:23,711 --> 01:01:27,915
Now, I need you to pose
next to the briefcase.
1185
01:01:27,948 --> 01:01:30,250
I need to get some pictures
of you in front of it.
1186
01:01:30,284 --> 01:01:32,253
Oh, I see
what's going on here.
1187
01:01:32,286 --> 01:01:34,288
- What?
- You're just jealous of me
1188
01:01:34,321 --> 01:01:36,691
because Mrs. Monroe
has feelings for me, so--
1189
01:01:36,724 --> 01:01:38,392
no, you idiot.
I'm arresting you
1190
01:01:38,425 --> 01:01:41,395
'cause you're a terrorist.
Now, pose for the picture.
1191
01:01:41,428 --> 01:01:43,932
Okay. Don't shoot.
Calm down. Okay.
1192
01:01:45,432 --> 01:01:47,401
No smiling. No, no, no.
No smiling.
1193
01:01:47,434 --> 01:01:48,736
Oh, sorry.
Okay, here.
1194
01:01:48,769 --> 01:01:52,839
- Peace signs. Seriously?
- Uh, okay.
1195
01:01:52,873 --> 01:01:54,875
- What are you doing?
- You told me to pose.
1196
01:01:54,908 --> 01:01:57,011
It's a bomb! What, are you
gonna have sex with it?!
1197
01:01:57,044 --> 01:01:59,247
Okay, sorry.
Here we go, here we go.
1198
01:02:01,849 --> 01:02:03,317
[Phone beeps, clicks]
1199
01:02:03,350 --> 01:02:05,853
Oh, no,
we gotta do that again.
1200
01:02:05,886 --> 01:02:07,255
- Your eyes were closed.
- I know, I'm sorry.
1201
01:02:07,288 --> 01:02:08,889
When I get nervous,
I blink a lot.
1202
01:02:08,922 --> 01:02:11,292
This is all very confusing.
What's going on here?
1203
01:02:11,325 --> 01:02:13,761
- [Monroe] What is it, jimbo?
- Mr. Monroe?
1204
01:02:13,794 --> 01:02:15,830
Jimbo, you don't understand
what's going on?
1205
01:02:15,863 --> 01:02:18,466
I'd be happy to explain it
to you since I thought it up
1206
01:02:18,499 --> 01:02:22,336
and I don't happen to think
that it's a bad plan myself
in particular.
1207
01:02:22,369 --> 01:02:25,439
We are going to war
with Iran
1208
01:02:25,472 --> 01:02:27,575
and we couldn't
have done it without you
and your incompetence.
1209
01:02:27,608 --> 01:02:29,810
- [Laughs]
- Thank you.
1210
01:02:29,843 --> 01:02:32,480
- It's not a compliment.
- Oh, then, no thank you.
1211
01:02:32,513 --> 01:02:36,317
- It's still not a compliment.
- Okay then, back to you.
1212
01:02:36,350 --> 01:02:38,386
Tie him up, Anthony.
1213
01:02:40,387 --> 01:02:42,423
[Anthony]
I'll give you the honors.
1214
01:02:42,456 --> 01:02:44,358
The pleasure is all mine.
1215
01:02:44,391 --> 01:02:47,828
Hi, Mr. Karl,
good to see you--
ow. Take it easy.
1216
01:02:47,861 --> 01:02:49,529
Oh, that's an expensive
helmet, sir.
1217
01:02:49,563 --> 01:02:51,465
- Shut up.
- Calm down. Take it easy. Okay.
1218
01:02:51,498 --> 01:02:53,501
Here, let me help you.
Here, let me get my
hand in there.
1219
01:02:53,534 --> 01:02:55,336
Okay. Go.
1220
01:02:55,369 --> 01:02:57,338
Mrs. Monroe, what's going on
here? Please help me.
1221
01:02:57,371 --> 01:02:58,939
So you still
don't get it, Jimmy?
1222
01:02:58,972 --> 01:03:02,310
Okay, show him
the monitor, honey.
1223
01:03:02,343 --> 01:03:05,312
Maybe a picture is worth
a thousand words.
1224
01:03:05,346 --> 01:03:07,548
Breaking news.
This I-ranian man,
1225
01:03:07,581 --> 01:03:09,817
jamshit
faa-akhedherinthepool...
1226
01:03:09,850 --> 01:03:12,987
Fakhredinpour. Fakhredinpour.
How hard is it?
1227
01:03:13,020 --> 01:03:14,689
...is suspected
of plotting a series
1228
01:03:14,722 --> 01:03:16,857
of devastating terror attacks
on America.
1229
01:03:16,890 --> 01:03:18,859
He was caught
on surveillance camera
1230
01:03:18,892 --> 01:03:21,395
- training for his mission.
- Watch this part, will ya?
1231
01:03:21,428 --> 01:03:23,464
This is where the nail
goes right into
your coffin.
1232
01:03:23,497 --> 01:03:26,834
[Middle eastern music
playing]
1233
01:03:32,806 --> 01:03:35,509
A 10-million-dollar reward
is being offered
1234
01:03:35,542 --> 01:03:37,845
to anyone with information
that could lead
to his arrest.
1235
01:03:37,878 --> 01:03:39,880
10 million dollars?
Vow, that's pretty good.
1236
01:03:39,913 --> 01:03:43,384
Meanwhile, congress is
ratifying a declaration of war
1237
01:03:43,417 --> 01:03:45,720
against Iran
even as we speak.
1238
01:03:45,753 --> 01:03:48,489
Iran has indicated
that should the U.S. launch
1239
01:03:48,522 --> 01:03:51,125
a preemptive strike
against the islamic Republic,
1240
01:03:51,158 --> 01:03:54,862
they will initiate
a pre-preemptive attack
1241
01:03:54,895 --> 01:03:57,965
against the zionist state,
who, in turn,
1242
01:03:57,998 --> 01:04:02,436
has vowed to launch a pre-pre-
preemptive attack
1243
01:04:02,469 --> 01:04:06,674
- on Iran's closest Ally, Syria.
- It's "Vorld var tree."
1244
01:04:06,707 --> 01:04:08,808
exactamundo!
1245
01:04:08,842 --> 01:04:11,512
And my business,
my business is gonna
be thriving,
1246
01:04:11,545 --> 01:04:13,647
- thanks to you, my man.
- What business?
1247
01:04:13,680 --> 01:04:16,015
My business, my business
of manufacturing
1248
01:04:16,049 --> 01:04:17,817
predator drones,
all over the place.
1249
01:04:17,851 --> 01:04:20,421
Everywhere around here, see?
Predator drones.
1250
01:04:20,454 --> 01:04:23,691
And I've manufactured
a drone that could remotely
control another drone
1251
01:04:23,724 --> 01:04:26,560
so we don't need
a human being to work it.
1252
01:04:26,593 --> 01:04:29,797
You are taking good jobs avay
from innocent Americans?
1253
01:04:29,830 --> 01:04:31,799
That's evil.
1254
01:04:31,832 --> 01:04:34,535
[Monroe]
Evil? It's genius.
1255
01:04:34,568 --> 01:04:37,104
I knew that I had to convince
the American people
1256
01:04:37,137 --> 01:04:39,473
to go to war if I wanted
to sell my product.
1257
01:04:39,506 --> 01:04:41,408
- Yeah, baby.
- That's the American way,
1258
01:04:41,442 --> 01:04:43,778
you see?
And I knew that I
had to make you out to be
1259
01:04:43,811 --> 01:04:47,515
the world's worst terrorist.
And now I have everything
I need
1260
01:04:47,548 --> 01:04:49,783
to justify this war.
Are we clear?
1261
01:04:49,817 --> 01:04:53,788
Not exactly.
That was a lot of exposition.
1262
01:04:53,821 --> 01:04:55,489
Can you give it to me
in bullet points?
1263
01:04:55,522 --> 01:04:57,525
- No.
- Okay, how about cliff notes?
1264
01:04:57,558 --> 01:04:59,193
- No.
- Viki-pedia?
1265
01:04:59,226 --> 01:05:02,129
Ow! Take it easy.
1266
01:05:02,162 --> 01:05:04,497
Mr. Monroe, I'm not sure
what you're saying,
1267
01:05:04,531 --> 01:05:06,534
but one thing I do know
1268
01:05:06,567 --> 01:05:09,103
is that the American people
are not so estupid
1269
01:05:09,136 --> 01:05:10,704
that they vould
go to a var
1270
01:05:10,737 --> 01:05:13,908
just because of the actions
of one terrorist.
1271
01:05:15,576 --> 01:05:17,578
[Everybody laughs]
1272
01:05:20,547 --> 01:05:23,784
Funny guy.
I'm here all week.
1273
01:05:23,817 --> 01:05:25,753
Tip your waitress.
1274
01:05:27,221 --> 01:05:30,157
- [Loud beep]
- Oops. Ran out of space.
1275
01:05:30,190 --> 01:05:31,492
Leila, what are you
doing here?
1276
01:05:31,525 --> 01:05:33,127
I told you this stuff
is dangerous!
1277
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:35,095
- Who the hell is she?
- My sixth cousin.
1278
01:05:35,128 --> 01:05:36,497
- Seventh.
- What's she doing here?
1279
01:05:36,530 --> 01:05:37,932
- She's recording us.
- Well, then get her.
1280
01:05:37,965 --> 01:05:39,467
- Yeah, yeah.
- Get her.
1281
01:05:39,500 --> 01:05:41,803
Run, Leila. Run.
1282
01:05:44,271 --> 01:05:47,508
Guys?
1283
01:05:47,541 --> 01:05:49,577
What about me?
1284
01:05:49,610 --> 01:05:54,148
Don't leave me here alone
with the pigeons.
1285
01:05:54,181 --> 01:05:56,250
- I don't like pigeons.
- [Pigeons cooing]
1286
01:05:56,283 --> 01:06:00,488
[Wings fluttering]
1287
01:06:00,521 --> 01:06:02,623
Nice to meet you, Jimmy
vestvood, at your service.
1288
01:06:02,656 --> 01:06:04,558
Nice to... nice--
1289
01:06:04,591 --> 01:06:06,192
nice to meet you?
1290
01:06:06,226 --> 01:06:08,863
Jimmy vestvood
at your service,
1291
01:06:08,896 --> 01:06:10,631
nice to meet you.
1292
01:06:10,664 --> 01:06:12,132
Jimmy vestvood,
at your service.
1293
01:06:12,165 --> 01:06:15,603
Jimmy... vestvood...
At your service.
1294
01:06:15,636 --> 01:06:17,505
Jimmy vestvood...
1295
01:06:17,538 --> 01:06:20,107
Jimmy vestvood,
at your service. Ha!
1296
01:06:24,144 --> 01:06:26,647
- [Tires screeching]
- Jimmy! Get in!
1297
01:06:26,680 --> 01:06:30,618
Leila!
Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go...
1298
01:06:30,651 --> 01:06:32,620
[Tires screeching]
1299
01:06:33,887 --> 01:06:35,623
[Tires screeching]
1300
01:06:35,656 --> 01:06:37,658
Holy crap.
They're following us.
1301
01:06:41,295 --> 01:06:45,666
♪ Oh, ho, ho,
it's magic ♪
1302
01:06:45,699 --> 01:06:48,702
♪ you know ♪
1303
01:06:48,735 --> 01:06:52,273
♪ never believe
it's not so ♪
1304
01:06:52,306 --> 01:06:54,942
♪ it's magic ♪
1305
01:06:54,975 --> 01:06:57,912
♪ you know ♪
1306
01:06:57,945 --> 01:07:02,583
♪ never believe
it's not so ♪
1307
01:07:04,918 --> 01:07:06,921
♪ I love my sunny-- ♪
- ow!
1308
01:07:06,954 --> 01:07:10,624
- Take it easy.
- No time to take it easy.
1309
01:07:10,657 --> 01:07:12,560
Oh, parvaneh joon,
1310
01:07:12,593 --> 01:07:14,928
you look super-tacular
tonight.
1311
01:07:14,962 --> 01:07:18,566
Okay, take it easy, mehdi.
I am worried about jamshid.
1312
01:07:18,599 --> 01:07:21,735
- Have you seen him?
- Just relax.
1313
01:07:21,768 --> 01:07:23,904
Try my kabob.
You're gonna love it.
1314
01:07:23,937 --> 01:07:25,772
- Oh-hh.
- Okay, okay,
1315
01:07:25,806 --> 01:07:28,609
you can try my kabob later.
Let me show you around.
1316
01:07:29,610 --> 01:07:32,280
[Music playing]
1317
01:07:39,720 --> 01:07:41,855
[Tires screeching]
1318
01:07:41,888 --> 01:07:43,691
Make up your mind
which way you want to go.
1319
01:07:43,724 --> 01:07:46,794
- You want to get away or what?
- I wanna live.
1320
01:07:46,827 --> 01:07:49,163
Give me your phone.
1321
01:07:49,196 --> 01:07:50,663
Agh!
1322
01:07:50,697 --> 01:07:52,166
My face is all over
the news.
1323
01:07:52,199 --> 01:07:54,301
I'm "America's
most wanted terrorist."
1324
01:07:54,334 --> 01:07:57,104
they're gonna send me to
Guantanamo and waterboard me
1325
01:07:57,137 --> 01:07:59,640
and make me listen
to heavy metal music.
1326
01:07:59,673 --> 01:08:01,241
- I don't like metallica.
- Stop that.
1327
01:08:01,274 --> 01:08:04,178
- Ow! What did you do that for?
- I can't stand self-pity.
1328
01:08:04,211 --> 01:08:06,814
This is a free country.
I have the right
to bear arms
1329
01:08:06,847 --> 01:08:08,749
- and self-pity myself.
- So you're just gonna
1330
01:08:08,782 --> 01:08:11,652
let those war hawks
start world war III?
1331
01:08:11,685 --> 01:08:13,687
Well, I mean, you know,
what are my options?
1332
01:08:13,720 --> 01:08:14,955
- I don't really have a lot--
- no!
1333
01:08:14,988 --> 01:08:16,690
- Then what?
- I don't know,
1334
01:08:16,723 --> 01:08:18,292
I'm just your sidekick.
1335
01:08:18,325 --> 01:08:19,760
[Snaps fingers]
I got it!
1336
01:08:19,792 --> 01:08:22,295
- Great. What is it?
- Uh, I forget.
1337
01:08:22,328 --> 01:08:24,365
Oh! I remember.
[Snaps fingers]
1338
01:08:24,398 --> 01:08:26,200
To homayoun's wedding.
Estep on it.
1339
01:08:26,233 --> 01:08:27,268
[Tires screeching]
1340
01:08:30,770 --> 01:08:31,938
[Chuckles]
1341
01:08:31,971 --> 01:08:33,874
[Brays]
1342
01:08:33,907 --> 01:08:36,810
We met at this Halloween
costume party.
1343
01:08:36,843 --> 01:08:40,813
We were both dressed as Cher.
It was so funny.
1344
01:08:40,846 --> 01:08:43,817
I think this year,
we're gonna do "Thelma
and Louise."
1345
01:08:43,850 --> 01:08:46,387
I'm fighting for Thelma,
so we'll see.
1346
01:08:46,420 --> 01:08:47,755
[Homeira brays]
1347
01:08:47,787 --> 01:08:49,990
Kox news?
This is Jimmy vestvood,
1348
01:08:50,023 --> 01:08:53,227
the wanted terrorist
everyone is looking for.
1349
01:08:53,260 --> 01:08:56,063
Please tell Mr. Hank shannity
that I want to Grant him
1350
01:08:56,095 --> 01:08:58,365
the exclusive interview
of my confessional.
1351
01:08:58,398 --> 01:09:01,902
Yes, tell him
to meet me in 15 minutes
at homayoun's vedding.
1352
01:09:01,935 --> 01:09:04,738
You don't know homayoun?
Here's the address.
1353
01:09:04,770 --> 01:09:06,874
Give me the address.
1354
01:09:06,907 --> 01:09:09,777
Check it,
I'm mc I-ran, okay?
1355
01:09:09,810 --> 01:09:12,446
When I say "I,"
Y'all say "Ran."
1356
01:09:12,479 --> 01:09:14,214
- I...
- [Crowd] Ran!
1357
01:09:14,247 --> 01:09:16,083
- I...
- Ran!
1358
01:09:16,116 --> 01:09:19,053
- Check it, check it--
- [Music plays]
1359
01:09:19,086 --> 01:09:20,855
[To dj]
Dude, I am rapping.
1360
01:09:32,966 --> 01:09:35,703
- [Guests] Jimmy baba, slow down.
- Yeah, man, go with the flow.
1361
01:09:35,736 --> 01:09:37,004
I don't have time
for the flow.
1362
01:09:39,840 --> 01:09:43,410
Jimmy. Where have you been?
Me and mom were worried
about you.
1363
01:09:43,443 --> 01:09:45,813
You missed the ceremony.
Come, come, let's dance.
1364
01:09:45,845 --> 01:09:48,448
Leila, do the thing,
do the thing.
1365
01:09:48,482 --> 01:09:51,252
Mr. mehdi.
Okay, okay, okay, sir.
1366
01:09:54,921 --> 01:09:56,857
- Where is he?
- There he is.
1367
01:09:58,325 --> 01:10:00,126
Put that away.
Not here.
1368
01:10:00,160 --> 01:10:03,130
Where is he? How the hell
do you tell them apart?
1369
01:10:03,163 --> 01:10:05,264
[Man]
Oh-oh-oh.
1370
01:10:05,298 --> 01:10:08,736
I wanna eat you
like a peach.
1371
01:10:08,769 --> 01:10:11,271
- It's talking to me.
- You are talkin' to my wife.
1372
01:10:11,304 --> 01:10:12,806
I'm sorry.
1373
01:10:12,839 --> 01:10:15,109
- Come on, wait, wait, wait.
- What?
1374
01:10:15,142 --> 01:10:17,811
- Let's dance.
- [Anthony] We'd rather not.
1375
01:10:17,844 --> 01:10:20,814
Amir. Hamid. Shahin.
Look, Americans.
1376
01:10:20,847 --> 01:10:22,849
Let's show them.
We're gonna show you.
1377
01:10:22,883 --> 01:10:23,983
- I don't dance.
- What's your name?
1378
01:10:24,017 --> 01:10:25,853
- My name is j.P., but--
- excellent.
1379
01:10:25,886 --> 01:10:29,490
- J.C., let's do this.
- [Music continues]
1380
01:10:32,092 --> 01:10:34,827
[Mehdi speaking persian]
Aha. Bia. Bia.
1381
01:10:34,861 --> 01:10:36,497
Bia. Bia.
1382
01:10:38,565 --> 01:10:41,000
We need that video, Jimmy.
Where's your cousin?
1383
01:10:43,403 --> 01:10:45,806
Hello, Mr. Karl.
1384
01:10:45,839 --> 01:10:47,908
Take it easy.
1385
01:10:47,941 --> 01:10:49,809
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
1386
01:10:49,843 --> 01:10:52,846
You're not goin'
anywhere, Jimmy.
1387
01:10:52,879 --> 01:10:55,115
Hey, Jimmy, why don't you give
someone else a chance?
1388
01:10:55,148 --> 01:10:57,117
- Get out of the circle.
- Yeah, man.
1389
01:10:57,150 --> 01:11:00,987
- There's no "I" In circle.
- I can't. I'm stuck.
1390
01:11:01,021 --> 01:11:02,222
[Grunting]
1391
01:11:02,255 --> 01:11:05,392
Jimmy vestvood
is a terrorist?
1392
01:11:09,863 --> 01:11:12,399
Jimmy vestvood
is a terrorist!
1393
01:11:12,432 --> 01:11:14,867
- [Needle skids]
- It's true.
1394
01:11:14,901 --> 01:11:17,938
It's on kox news
so it has to be real.
1395
01:11:17,971 --> 01:11:21,107
Jimmy vestvood
is a terrorist.
1396
01:11:21,141 --> 01:11:23,210
- No-oo!
- No, come on.
1397
01:11:23,243 --> 01:11:25,412
And there's
a $10 million reward
1398
01:11:25,445 --> 01:11:29,983
- for his capture.
- So? Get him!
1399
01:11:32,052 --> 01:11:34,554
- That's ten million bucks.
- Ah-hh! My heart!
1400
01:11:34,588 --> 01:11:37,124
Parvaneh, parvaneh!
You okay?
1401
01:11:37,157 --> 01:11:39,359
My god, there's
a whole horde of 'em.
1402
01:11:39,392 --> 01:11:41,228
Wait a minute,
that's not him.
1403
01:11:41,261 --> 01:11:44,031
I think you need
mouth-to-mouth recuperation.
1404
01:11:44,064 --> 01:11:47,935
- I don't need mouth-to-mouth.
- Yes, you do.
1405
01:11:47,968 --> 01:11:50,204
Four, three...
1406
01:11:50,237 --> 01:11:52,372
This is Hank shannity
reporting live
1407
01:11:52,405 --> 01:11:54,125
from the epicenter
of a jihadist convention.
1408
01:11:58,945 --> 01:12:01,615
- Guys, guys, calm down.
- What the heck...?
1409
01:12:01,648 --> 01:12:04,017
Calm down.
I can explain everything.
1410
01:12:04,050 --> 01:12:05,919
Zoom in. Zoom in.
1411
01:12:05,952 --> 01:12:07,588
- I have something
to confess...
1412
01:12:07,621 --> 01:12:11,024
My name is
jamshid fakhredinpour.
1413
01:12:11,057 --> 01:12:12,925
"Fuckedherinthepool."
1414
01:12:12,959 --> 01:12:16,429
I came to this country
to be an American hero.
1415
01:12:16,463 --> 01:12:21,034
Along the vay, I thought
I had to change who I vas
1416
01:12:21,067 --> 01:12:24,938
but thanks to the help
of my sixth cousin--
1417
01:12:24,971 --> 01:12:26,906
seventh cousin.
1418
01:12:26,940 --> 01:12:30,277
I learned that you have
to embrace who you are.
1419
01:12:30,310 --> 01:12:32,946
And you don't
have to be American
1420
01:12:32,979 --> 01:12:35,115
to be an American hero.
1421
01:12:35,148 --> 01:12:37,885
So, I estand
in front of you today
1422
01:12:37,918 --> 01:12:41,288
to tell you
that I am a terrorist.
1423
01:12:41,321 --> 01:12:42,522
I'm gonna get
an Emmy for this.
1424
01:12:42,555 --> 01:12:44,958
- If you believe this guy.
- [Beeps]
1425
01:12:44,991 --> 01:12:47,961
What's the one thing
I'm better at than homayoun?
1426
01:12:47,994 --> 01:12:52,933
[Brays]
Oh, I can vogue
better than him.
1427
01:12:52,966 --> 01:12:55,235
- Vogue...
- Vogue. Vogue. Vogue. Vogue.
1428
01:12:55,268 --> 01:12:56,503
Vogue. Vogue. Vogue.
1429
01:12:56,536 --> 01:12:58,572
I love Madonna.
1430
01:12:58,605 --> 01:13:00,941
- That was the wrong video.
- You heard him.
1431
01:13:00,974 --> 01:13:02,676
He's a terrorist.
1432
01:13:02,709 --> 01:13:06,079
Congress is going to vote on
a resolution to attack Iran.
1433
01:13:06,112 --> 01:13:09,950
- It's all Jimmy's fault.
- Get him!
1434
01:13:09,983 --> 01:13:11,385
- Oh-hh!
- [Yelps]
1435
01:13:11,418 --> 01:13:13,186
[Homayoun on video]
Lifetime of laughter...
1436
01:13:13,219 --> 01:13:14,922
[Homeira brays]
1437
01:13:14,955 --> 01:13:17,925
Everybody,
we're live on kox news.
1438
01:13:17,958 --> 01:13:20,626
It's Hank shannity.
Hank, over here.
1439
01:13:20,660 --> 01:13:22,930
Guys?
1440
01:13:25,131 --> 01:13:27,701
Guys!
1441
01:13:27,734 --> 01:13:31,438
Do another one.
I was blinking.
1442
01:13:31,471 --> 01:13:33,607
Guys, remember me?
The wanted terrorist?
1443
01:13:33,640 --> 01:13:36,009
Guys, guys, over here.
Yeah, yeah, guys, guys.
1444
01:13:36,042 --> 01:13:39,212
What I meant to say is that
I am a terrorist...
1445
01:13:39,245 --> 01:13:41,982
- If you believe this guy.
- [Beeps]
1446
01:13:42,015 --> 01:13:44,518
[Monroe]
I knew that I had to convince
the American people...
1447
01:13:44,551 --> 01:13:46,053
Oh, crap.
1448
01:13:46,086 --> 01:13:47,220
[Monroe]
...If I wanted to sell
my product!
1449
01:13:47,253 --> 01:13:49,523
That's the American way,
you see?
1450
01:13:49,556 --> 01:13:51,424
And I knew that I had to
make you out to be
1451
01:13:51,458 --> 01:13:55,094
- the world's worst terrorist...
- Shannity, shut that off.
1452
01:13:55,128 --> 01:13:56,730
That's the guy
that set up Jimmy!
1453
01:13:56,763 --> 01:13:59,066
- [Monroe] Shut it off.
- Go to black. Go to black.
1454
01:13:59,099 --> 01:14:00,567
[Monroe]
Shut that thing off!
1455
01:14:00,600 --> 01:14:02,002
[Tone beeps]
1456
01:14:02,035 --> 01:14:05,639
Uh... oh, uh, looks like
we're experiencing
1457
01:14:05,672 --> 01:14:07,174
some technical
difficulties here.
1458
01:14:07,207 --> 01:14:09,242
Let's get
to some other news...
1459
01:14:09,275 --> 01:14:13,080
Meet koko, a parrot who can
sing the star spangled banner
1460
01:14:13,113 --> 01:14:14,715
while she hops
on one leg.
1461
01:14:14,748 --> 01:14:16,183
Get them, get them!
1462
01:14:16,216 --> 01:14:18,018
No, guys, take it easy.
We're peaceful people.
1463
01:14:18,051 --> 01:14:22,222
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
This is my son's wedding.
1464
01:14:22,255 --> 01:14:25,359
Let us not allow
a terrorist conspiracy
1465
01:14:25,392 --> 01:14:28,428
that almost led
to world war III,
1466
01:14:28,461 --> 01:14:30,364
stop us
from celebrating.
1467
01:14:30,397 --> 01:14:33,100
- Uh, dad?
- Yes, son?
1468
01:14:33,133 --> 01:14:36,135
Um, I also have
something to confess.
1469
01:14:36,169 --> 01:14:40,107
- You're a terrorist, too?
- Oh, no.
1470
01:14:41,508 --> 01:14:45,178
- I'm gay.
- Ha, ha. Yes!
1471
01:14:45,211 --> 01:14:49,683
- [Homeira] No. No.
- Wedding over. Wedding over.
1472
01:14:49,716 --> 01:14:51,516
[Monroe]
You know what a mistake
you're making?
1473
01:14:51,518 --> 01:14:55,088
- You know who I am?
- [Karl] It pinches.
1474
01:14:55,121 --> 01:14:59,192
Congress voted no
to war with Iran.
1475
01:14:59,225 --> 01:15:00,660
[Cheering]
1476
01:15:00,693 --> 01:15:03,764
Jamshid fakhredinpour.
1477
01:15:03,797 --> 01:15:05,766
I am proud of you.
1478
01:15:05,799 --> 01:15:08,335
Oh, thank you, maman.
Thank you.
1479
01:15:08,368 --> 01:15:12,172
Maman, maman. Now
that you are feeling better,
1480
01:15:12,205 --> 01:15:15,542
please, for god's sake,
1481
01:15:15,575 --> 01:15:18,077
try my kebab.
1482
01:15:24,084 --> 01:15:26,620
Oh-hh...! Mmm.
1483
01:15:27,854 --> 01:15:30,257
Delicious.
1484
01:15:30,290 --> 01:15:31,758
Ugh!
1485
01:15:31,791 --> 01:15:34,227
- She likes it.
- [Shudders]
1486
01:15:34,260 --> 01:15:37,831
Jimmy, you did it.
You're an American hero.
1487
01:15:37,864 --> 01:15:41,101
Oh Leila, don't be
so melodramatic.
1488
01:15:41,134 --> 01:15:42,636
I couldn't have done it
without you.
1489
01:15:42,669 --> 01:15:45,639
- You're the American hero.
- No, I insist.
1490
01:15:45,672 --> 01:15:47,507
You're the American hero.
1491
01:15:47,540 --> 01:15:51,345
Leila, don't make me insist.
You're the American hero.
1492
01:15:58,785 --> 01:16:01,354
Leila, oh, no, not the ears,
not the ears.
1493
01:16:01,387 --> 01:16:03,857
Oh, yes, the ears.
Leila, that's good earwork, yes.
1494
01:16:03,890 --> 01:16:07,127
[Guests chanting]
Jimmy... Jimmy... Jimmy!
1495
01:16:10,296 --> 01:16:15,235
♪ When there's no destination
that's too far ♪
1496
01:16:15,268 --> 01:16:18,572
♪ somewhere along the way,
you might find out who you are ♪
1497
01:16:18,605 --> 01:16:22,142
- ♪ whoo! ♪
- ♪ living in America ♪
1498
01:16:23,243 --> 01:16:25,245
♪ eye to eye ♪
1499
01:16:25,278 --> 01:16:27,347
♪ station to station ♪
1500
01:16:27,380 --> 01:16:30,250
♪ living in America ♪
1501
01:16:31,551 --> 01:16:33,453
♪ hand to hand ♪
1502
01:16:33,486 --> 01:16:35,689
♪ across the nation ♪
1503
01:16:35,722 --> 01:16:39,358
♪ living in America... ♪
1504
01:16:39,392 --> 01:16:42,362
Diplomacy
may have won today,
1505
01:16:42,395 --> 01:16:45,765
but if I were America,
1506
01:16:45,798 --> 01:16:47,634
I vould vatch my back.
1507
01:16:47,667 --> 01:16:51,771
Oh, and I want to add the list
of black people who I like--
1508
01:16:51,804 --> 01:16:55,476
Oprah vinfrey.
I love her book clubs.
1509
01:16:56,843 --> 01:17:01,214
♪ Many miles
of railroad track ♪
1510
01:17:01,247 --> 01:17:04,384
♪ all night radio... ♪
1511
01:17:04,417 --> 01:17:07,554
To the east, hurricane Abdullah
is going to be threatening
1512
01:17:07,587 --> 01:17:10,190
the Manhattan skyline,
so all you intellectuals
1513
01:17:10,223 --> 01:17:13,326
might wanna get out
your prayer mats and
hug a cab driver.
1514
01:17:13,359 --> 01:17:16,196
- [Man] Shannity!
- What? Well, I didn't name it.
1515
01:17:17,730 --> 01:17:19,933
♪ You might have to walk
the fine line ♪
1516
01:17:19,966 --> 01:17:22,235
♪ you might take
the hard line ♪
1517
01:17:22,268 --> 01:17:25,205
♪ but everybody's workin'... ♪
1518
01:17:25,238 --> 01:17:26,506
♪ Overtime ♪
1519
01:17:26,539 --> 01:17:29,543
♪ living in America ♪
1520
01:17:30,543 --> 01:17:32,545
♪ eye to eye ♪
1521
01:17:32,579 --> 01:17:34,848
♪ station to station ♪
1522
01:17:34,881 --> 01:17:37,551
♪ living in America ♪
1523
01:17:39,252 --> 01:17:40,253
♪ hand to hand... ♪
1524
01:17:40,286 --> 01:17:42,789
[Grunts, screams]
Yah-hh!
1525
01:17:42,822 --> 01:17:44,591
She was just
polishin' the furniture.
1526
01:17:47,360 --> 01:17:49,929
♪ Got to have
a celebration ♪
1527
01:17:51,731 --> 01:17:54,800
♪ I live in America... ♪
1528
01:17:54,834 --> 01:17:57,304
One thing people don't know
about homeira?
1529
01:17:57,337 --> 01:18:00,340
Oh, she loves
to recite Shakespeare.
1530
01:18:00,373 --> 01:18:02,308
Beautifully.
1531
01:18:02,342 --> 01:18:07,246
"Two households,
both alike in dignity,
1532
01:18:07,280 --> 01:18:11,483
in fair verona,
where we lay our scene,
1533
01:18:11,517 --> 01:18:16,656
from ancient grudge
to break to new mutiny,
1534
01:18:16,689 --> 01:18:21,394
where civil blood makes
civil hands unclean."
1535
01:18:21,427 --> 01:18:23,362
[brays]
1536
01:18:24,364 --> 01:18:26,633
♪ I feel good! ♪
1537
01:18:26,666 --> 01:18:29,670
[Music playing]
1538
01:18:53,993 --> 01:18:57,397
[Singing in persian]
1539
01:19:23,389 --> 01:19:27,327
[Soloists singing
in persian]
1540
01:20:53,446 --> 01:20:56,483
[Instrumental music
playing]
1541
01:22:05,618 --> 01:22:09,156
[Vocalist singing
in persian]
1542
01:22:49,929 --> 01:22:52,031
With the reward money
I got
1543
01:22:52,064 --> 01:22:54,734
for turning in the terrorist--
who ended up not being
a terrorist
1544
01:22:54,767 --> 01:22:57,604
so they had to discount
the money, thank you
very much--
1545
01:22:57,637 --> 01:23:00,907
I was able to refurbish
the Cyrus cylinder
1546
01:23:00,940 --> 01:23:04,576
and fix the hole
in Jesus Christ.
1547
01:23:04,610 --> 01:23:06,579
- [Crowd] We love you, Jimmy.
- I love you, too.
1548
01:23:06,612 --> 01:23:08,548
- [Crashes]
- Crap.
1549
01:23:08,581 --> 01:23:12,118
- Ah...!
- [Director] Cut.
115625
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